WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(gentle music)

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Our earliest experiences
being in the womb

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form the template of
who we believe we are,

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about how we see other people,

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and our place in the world.

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When I see human faces, I see beauty,

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I see tremendous suffering

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and enormous potential for transcendence.

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A Greek playwright wrote
that the Gods created us

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human beings so that we
have to suffer into truth.

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Our job as human beings is to learn

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from our suffering and to grow from it.

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We don't have to keep
perpetuating pain for ourselves

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and inflicting suffering onto others.

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In working with so many other people,

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I've learned that working

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through trauma can teach us so much wisdom

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and can reveal the
beauty of our existence,

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that because of trauma,
you had lost sight of.

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(gentle music)

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(rain pattering)

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My name is Gabor Maté and
I'm a retired medical doctor

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and these days I travel the world speaking

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and teaching about child
development, health,

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illness, stress and trauma.

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And speaking about trauma is really part

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of the zeitgeist these days.

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And I'm very passionate
about it for a simple reason:

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because in 30 years or
more of medical practice

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and of addiction medicine,

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what I found was that the common template

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for virtually all
afflictions, mental illness,

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physical disease is in fact trauma.

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And there's a wisdom in trauma

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when we realize that our
traumatic responses and imprints

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are not ourselves and that
we can work them through

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and thus become ourselves.

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(gentle music)

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(people chattering)

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Virtually every week there's a study

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that more and more people are needing

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or seeking help for mental health issues.

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More and more youth are
diagnosed with anxiety,

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many more kids are diagnosed
with the whole plethora

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of childhood conditions, such as ADHD,

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(Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).

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Depression is rising,
youth suicide is rising,

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addictions are rising.

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Genuinely, it's an epidemic.

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20% of youth or more are
now diagnosable with anxiety

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according to all the recent studies.

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That's one-fifth.

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And those are all only people

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who are sufficiently
anxious to be diagnosed.

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We're talking about an epidemic.

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- When you grew up in a
circumstance like I grew up,

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you're waiting for
somebody to scream at you,

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you're waiting for something to be thrown,

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you don't know if you're going to eat,

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you don't know if you're
going to be evicted.

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So you're constantly anxious and stressed.

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I used to think this was a rarity

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but when I talked to people,

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a huge number of people have
these traumatic experiences

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as a child that carry,
they carry with them.

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It's like a monkey on your back.

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(disembodied whispering)
(soft music)

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- Trauma is an overwhelming threat

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that you don't how to deal with.

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So trauma is not the bad
things that happen to you,

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but what happens inside you

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as a result of what happens to you.

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(police radio chatter)
(sirens wailing)

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- My father was shot and
killed on December 25th, 1999.

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They found his body in
someone's front yard.

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So essentially I didn't
have anybody to raise me.

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So I was raised in the
juvenile court system.

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I've lived on the streets

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since I was 10-years-old by myself.

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The law didn't scare me.

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I mean, they could have locked me up,

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I mean what's the difference?

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Nobody out here is gonna miss me.

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- My mother, alcoholic. Bad alcoholic.

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My father, sex addiction.

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His sex addiction ruined our whole family.

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Cheating. Caused divorce.

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(man and woman shouting)

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I started heroin at 26.

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That's what really destroyed me.

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It just takes the pain away.

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I tried building my dream so many times.

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I don't really have a dream no more.

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- So trauma fundamentally means
a disconnection from self.

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Why do we get disconnected?

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Because it's too painful to be ourselves.

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That then becomes a lifelong dynamic.

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I no longer know how
to deal with emotions.

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It means that in relationships
when I feel a bit hurt,

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I immediately withdraw
so I don't have to feel

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those emotions that I
don't know what to do with.

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So there's a disconnect.

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It also means that when
I have a gut feelings,

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I don't follow them.

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So I create situations of risk for myself.

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The trauma also affects
how our brains develop.

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Certain key brain circuits
that have to do with

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how we react and respond
and regulate ourselves,

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how we handle stress, how we
interact with other people,

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how much empathy and insight we have,

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how much compassionate we have.

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These functions of the mid-frontal cortex

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are limited and constricted by trauma

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because we now know
that the brain develops

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in interaction with the environment.

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So the brains of traumatized children

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don't look like the brains
of non-traumatized children.

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- [Boy] You can take it, please.

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- [Man] I've had enough of your crap.

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You're gonna start acting like a young man

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instead of a toddler.

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- [Woman] As a matter of fact,

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her ass is on punishment right now

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and she ain't even gonna
go the fuck back outside.

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- [Teenager] What the fuck are you doing?

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Dad, I swear to god.

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- [Boy] No, no, wait.

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- [Man] There's no other way for

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you to learn this.
- Dad.

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Please, stop.

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(gentle music)

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- During your first 18 years of life,

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if a parent or other
adult in the household

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often or very often would swear at you,

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insult you, put you down or humiliate you,

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step inside the circle.

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(inmates chattering)

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If a parent or other
adult in the household

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often pushed, grabbed, slapped

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or threw something at you,
step inside the circle.

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If a parent or other
adult in the household

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often or very often ever hit you so hard

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that you had marks or were
injured, step inside the circle.

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If you often felt that no
one in your family loved you,

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step inside the circle.

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Step inside the circle.

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(tense music)

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I think society got prison wrong

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and they're seeing
what's wrong with people

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instead of what happened to people.

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Our mission at Compassion Prison Project

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is to transform communities and prisons

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with compassionate action.

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An adverse childhood
experience is a terrible event

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that continues to happen to a child.

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And there's no way to know
when it's gonna happen again,

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which puts the kid into
a hypervigilant state.

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I have eight of those
aces, and when I found out

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I have eight adverse childhood experiences

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and that my behavior was a direct result

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of the trauma that I
experienced in childhood,

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it changed my life.

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Men and women in prison, 64% of them

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have six or more of those.

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(wind blowing)

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(car engine roaring)

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(birds chirping)

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(laughing)

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(foot step approaching)

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- Hi. Gabor.

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- Monique.
- Monique?

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Hi, Gabor.

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(laughing)

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I feel like I'm in a throne.

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I wanna talk to you guys about why

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you think you got addicted,

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about what may have
happened to you as a child,

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the way you saw yourself as
being deficient, somehow.

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- I was kidnapped at 16 and sold off.

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So that's a trauma and
that's just something that's

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in my life that you
can't turn around, right?

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- [Gabor] Kidnapped by whom?

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- It was a taxi driver who
took me and a girlfriend

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when we were 16.
- Okay.

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- [Alicia] And held us
for six months in a motel

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and sold off my virginity.

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(tense music)

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car engine roaring)

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- [Gabor] And the police was looking

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for you all that time, and...

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- Well, my mom just thought
that I had run away from home,

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so she didn't look for me.
- She didn't look for you?

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- [Alicia] No.

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- I really need your permission to

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continue or not to continue.
- It's okay.

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I give my permission.

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- The taxi driver knew
exactly who to kidnap.

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(car engine roaring)

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The predator can always tell
who is without proection.

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Anybody hit you as a child?

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- [Alicia] Yes, my father.

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He would spank us and take a belt to us.

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- Do you remember how that felt to you?

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- Like I just remember the pain of it,

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instead of thinking, oh, why?

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Why did I deserve this?

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I just remember the pain and the...

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- [Gabor] And how long did that go on for?

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- Well until I was approximately 16

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and started fighting back.

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- So, 10 or 11 years?
- Yeah.

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- Okay.

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Let's say you're the
mother of the five-year-old

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and this five-year-old
is being hit with a belt,

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and she's in pain.

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She doesn't understand, you know,

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she's just, it just hurts.

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And it hurts emotionally

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because this man who is supposed
to love me is beating me.

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So when you're being hit like that,

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there's only two possibilities.

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My father is a bad person or hates me

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or I'm a bad person.

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So the only protection is to believe that,

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oh, I'm not lovable.

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Let's say you're the mother
of the five-year-old.

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Who would you want that
five-year-old to talk to?

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- [Alicia] Myself.

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- Okay. Who did you talk to?

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- Nobody.

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- That's the trauma.

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In other words, by the time
you were five-years-old,

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you were completely alone.
(child sobbing)

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What I'm suggesting really, Alicia,

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is that your mother was traumatized, too.

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Do you know anything about her childhood?

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- Well, she was abused as a child as well

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from an alcoholic father.

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- See, she learned in her childhood

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not to pay attention to her feelings.

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That's the only way she could survive.

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- [Alicia] Yeah.

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- So the reason she didn't know it

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was not because she didn't love you,

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but because she herself
was shut down inside.

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And that's what I'm saying,

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it's multi-generational

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- Mm-hm.
- Okay?

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- It sucks.
- Yeah.

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You can't pick out who's at fault here.

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It didn't begin with anybody.

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It goes on and on and on from
one generation to the next.

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(gentle music)

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- We were talking about
the effects of slavery

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on our behavior, and
I'll be honest with you,

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I ain't agree with it
when I first heard it.

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But then when he talked
about the discipline

260
00:14:00.464 --> 00:14:03.050
I had a flashback of how
I used to get whipped

261
00:14:03.050 --> 00:14:03.968
with a bullwhip.

262
00:14:05.094 --> 00:14:05.928
Naked.

263
00:14:07.012 --> 00:14:08.097
I hadn't put the two and two together,

264
00:14:08.097 --> 00:14:11.517
but I realized, that's
how slaves were whipped,

265
00:14:11.517 --> 00:14:13.018
because it was generational trauma

266
00:14:13.018 --> 00:14:16.313
passed on from one
mother to another mother

267
00:14:16.313 --> 00:14:18.858
to another mother and
then passed on to me.

268
00:14:18.858 --> 00:14:21.986
I still got marks on my
legs and stuff behind that.

269
00:14:21.986 --> 00:14:23.946
And I just remembered there
was no one I could run to.

270
00:14:23.946 --> 00:14:25.489
No one that would help me.

271
00:14:25.489 --> 00:14:27.575
And she just was telling
me how much she loved me

272
00:14:27.575 --> 00:14:30.035
as she cried and she
beat me with a bullwhip.

273
00:14:31.996 --> 00:14:37.001
(soft, tense music)
(soft vocalizing)

274
00:14:41.755 --> 00:14:44.174
(soft music)

275
00:14:46.844 --> 00:14:48.470
- [Woman] He's the best-selling
author of four books

276
00:14:48.470 --> 00:14:51.765
published in 12 languages
sold on five continents.

277
00:14:52.808 --> 00:14:55.686
Please welcome Dr. Gabor Maté.

278
00:14:55.686 --> 00:14:59.273
(applause)
(cheering)

279
00:14:59.273 --> 00:15:01.191
- I actually wrote my speech out tonight,

280
00:15:01.191 --> 00:15:04.111
which I don't usually do
but maybe of nervousness

281
00:15:04.111 --> 00:15:06.572
in front of this group of strong women.

282
00:15:06.572 --> 00:15:07.781
(audience laughing)

283
00:15:07.781 --> 00:15:10.284
The truth is that guys
are afraid of women.

284
00:15:10.284 --> 00:15:11.243
(audience laughing)

285
00:15:11.243 --> 00:15:13.913
I don't know if you
realize that, but that's,

286
00:15:13.913 --> 00:15:16.957
a lot of the stuff that we
do is totally out of fear.

287
00:15:16.957 --> 00:15:17.791
Well,

288
00:15:19.501 --> 00:15:23.505
When you felt bad as a
kid, who did you speak to?

289
00:15:24.590 --> 00:15:27.343
When the pain is there and
there's no one to share it with,

290
00:15:27.343 --> 00:15:30.304
and the child's got
very limited resources,

291
00:15:30.304 --> 00:15:31.972
to deal with that, and what they do

292
00:15:31.972 --> 00:15:34.099
is they disconnect from themselves.

293
00:15:34.934 --> 00:15:36.769
When you disconnect from yourself,

294
00:15:36.769 --> 00:15:38.395
you no longer have yourself.

295
00:15:38.395 --> 00:15:39.813
You've lost yourself.

296
00:15:39.813 --> 00:15:41.190
When we talk about trauma,

297
00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:46.278
we usually think of something
terrible happening to a person

298
00:15:46.278 --> 00:15:48.739
but that's not the only trauma there is.

299
00:15:48.739 --> 00:15:50.282
As the other kind of trauma may not

300
00:15:50.282 --> 00:15:53.494
have to do with terrible
things happening to you.

301
00:15:53.494 --> 00:15:54.995
- Most people look at my childhood

302
00:15:54.995 --> 00:15:57.039
and they're like: damn, you had an awesome

303
00:15:57.039 --> 00:16:02.044
childhood, and because I had everything.

304
00:16:02.044 --> 00:16:06.548
I come from upper, upper middle
class, you know, in Idaho,

305
00:16:07.549 --> 00:16:10.511
and I got everything given to me,

306
00:16:10.511 --> 00:16:12.763
but that was their way of parenting.

307
00:16:12.763 --> 00:16:13.722
They'd give me everything.

308
00:16:13.722 --> 00:16:16.058
So I'd shut up and wouldn't bug them.

309
00:16:16.058 --> 00:16:17.893
They were too busy, they
were always working.

310
00:16:19.728 --> 00:16:22.690
- So children don't get
traumatized because they get hurt.

311
00:16:22.690 --> 00:16:24.400
Children get traumatized because

312
00:16:24.400 --> 00:16:26.485
they're alone with the hurt.

313
00:16:26.485 --> 00:16:28.028
- I'm a lifer inmate.

314
00:16:28.028 --> 00:16:30.447
I'm here on a first degree murder.

315
00:16:30.447 --> 00:16:32.616
I committed my crime
when I was 20-years-old.

316
00:16:32.616 --> 00:16:36.704
And I asked myself what events in my life

317
00:16:36.704 --> 00:16:38.789
brought me to the point
where I could think

318
00:16:38.789 --> 00:16:40.749
that it's okay to take a human life?

319
00:16:41.625 --> 00:16:43.752
And it had to deal with a lot of

320
00:16:43.752 --> 00:16:46.130
adverse childhood experiences.

321
00:16:46.130 --> 00:16:48.966
My main one as to why I
started going downhill

322
00:16:48.966 --> 00:16:52.469
was being abandoned by my father.

323
00:16:52.469 --> 00:16:53.387
I looked up to him.

324
00:16:54.263 --> 00:16:56.015
I wanted to be just like my dad.

325
00:16:56.849 --> 00:16:57.975
He was my hero.

326
00:16:59.476 --> 00:17:01.353
When I turned eight or nine-years-old,

327
00:17:02.354 --> 00:17:05.399
he got deported to Mexico,
and that devastated me.

328
00:17:05.399 --> 00:17:07.443
As a kid, my mom used to tell me,

329
00:17:07.443 --> 00:17:11.405
Mi hijo, pray to God
that he will come back,

330
00:17:11.405 --> 00:17:12.573
but he never came.

331
00:17:16.744 --> 00:17:19.705
- A baby that you don't
pick up will actually die.

332
00:17:19.705 --> 00:17:21.498
Even if you feed them and you change them

333
00:17:21.498 --> 00:17:23.167
and look after them,

334
00:17:23.167 --> 00:17:26.587
because they get overwhelmed
by their feelings

335
00:17:26.587 --> 00:17:28.422
and they get over stressed.

336
00:17:28.422 --> 00:17:33.427
And so the baby needs the
mother's and the father's brain

337
00:17:34.344 --> 00:17:38.807
to regulate her own brain,
to regulate her emotions.

338
00:17:38.807 --> 00:17:41.477
It's not just that you're overwhelmed.

339
00:17:41.477 --> 00:17:43.645
It's also there's nobody
there to hold you.

340
00:17:44.688 --> 00:17:47.191
(baby crying)

341
00:17:48.150 --> 00:17:50.736
There's a huge school of
thought in North America

342
00:17:50.736 --> 00:17:53.322
that teaches mothers to
help their babies sleep

343
00:17:53.322 --> 00:17:54.615
by ignoring their crying.

344
00:17:58.368 --> 00:17:59.620
Nevermind the mother's milk,

345
00:17:59.620 --> 00:18:02.081
the infant just wants to attach,

346
00:18:02.081 --> 00:18:04.958
because the only way the infant
can attach is physically.

347
00:18:11.757 --> 00:18:15.177
When he's not being held, he's
not being attached to them.

348
00:18:15.177 --> 00:18:18.013
When that's done night
after night after night,

349
00:18:18.013 --> 00:18:19.973
that's traumatic. And we're still telling

350
00:18:19.973 --> 00:18:21.183
mothers to do that.

351
00:18:25.395 --> 00:18:27.689
If you actually look
at genuine human needs,

352
00:18:27.689 --> 00:18:30.526
if you connect the gut and
the heart and the soul,

353
00:18:30.526 --> 00:18:32.236
then there's nothing more normal

354
00:18:32.236 --> 00:18:34.780
than a child sleeping
in the arms of a parent.

355
00:18:41.745 --> 00:18:45.707
So I've often thought about
the sources of my own issues.

356
00:18:45.707 --> 00:18:49.002
An infant two months of age in Hungary,

357
00:18:49.002 --> 00:18:52.589
when the Germans, the Nazis,
marched into the country

358
00:18:52.589 --> 00:18:55.217
and they began to exterminate
the Jewish population.

359
00:18:55.217 --> 00:18:57.302
So that was my first year of life,

360
00:18:57.302 --> 00:19:00.806
with a terrorized mother,
grandparents killed in Auschwitz,

361
00:19:00.806 --> 00:19:03.183
a father away in forced labor,

362
00:19:03.183 --> 00:19:08.188
antisemitism, the ever nearing
shadow of annihilation,

363
00:19:08.897 --> 00:19:11.024
and ultimately a
separation from my mother.

364
00:19:12.818 --> 00:19:14.278
I was a little short of one-year-old

365
00:19:14.278 --> 00:19:17.114
when my mother had to
hand me to a stranger

366
00:19:17.114 --> 00:19:18.615
in the ghetto of Budapest

367
00:19:20.367 --> 00:19:23.412
and send me away to some
relatives in hiding,

368
00:19:23.412 --> 00:19:26.165
so we didn't see each other for six weeks,

369
00:19:26.165 --> 00:19:28.250
and she didn't know if
she would live or not.

370
00:19:28.250 --> 00:19:30.460
In her diary she said: "this was

371
00:19:30.460 --> 00:19:32.713
the hardest six weeks of her life."

372
00:19:34.923 --> 00:19:37.801
That was the experience of the first

373
00:19:37.801 --> 00:19:40.220
nearly year and a half of my life.

374
00:19:40.220 --> 00:19:42.472
And sometimes I thought, well, gee,

375
00:19:42.472 --> 00:19:44.600
I must have received a lot
of love at the same time

376
00:19:44.600 --> 00:19:47.227
otherwise I'd be a lot more
crazy than I actually am.

377
00:19:50.731 --> 00:19:51.732
For trauma to happen,

378
00:19:51.732 --> 00:19:54.651
you don't need second World
War and you don't need racism,

379
00:19:54.651 --> 00:19:55.861
you don't need genocide,

380
00:19:55.861 --> 00:20:00.240
and you don't need the privations of war.

381
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:04.369
You just need parents who are so alienated

382
00:20:04.369 --> 00:20:06.496
from their own gut
feelings that they will let

383
00:20:06.496 --> 00:20:08.874
their infants cry without picking them up

384
00:20:08.874 --> 00:20:11.418
and that child is desperate
for a relationship.

385
00:20:11.418 --> 00:20:12.419
That's all it takes.

386
00:20:20.469 --> 00:20:21.303
(footsteps approaching)

387
00:20:24.056 --> 00:20:25.390
- Well, hi.
- Hi Alison.

388
00:20:25.390 --> 00:20:27.059
- Welcome.
- Hi, Gabor.

389
00:20:27.059 --> 00:20:28.685
- [Alison] Welcome, Gabor.

390
00:20:28.685 --> 00:20:29.519
- Wow.

391
00:20:30.604 --> 00:20:31.813
What a view.

392
00:20:31.813 --> 00:20:32.814
- Thank you.

393
00:20:34.691 --> 00:20:39.696
For me being a drug addict,
the deep down need to escape,

394
00:20:42.824 --> 00:20:47.329
I think it's almost into
a more realistic place

395
00:20:47.329 --> 00:20:51.500
than the insanity that we see,
the chaos we see around us.

396
00:20:51.500 --> 00:20:54.586
I just wanted that place all the time.

397
00:20:56.713 --> 00:21:00.717
I can really talk for the
37 years I've been recovered

398
00:21:00.717 --> 00:21:05.514
and have had slips in
the program, quote, AA.

399
00:21:05.514 --> 00:21:06.515
- [Gabor] And what's the fear?

400
00:21:06.515 --> 00:21:08.183
- Well, the fear is I'll be abandoned.

401
00:21:08.183 --> 00:21:09.935
It's back with the homo sapiens,

402
00:21:09.935 --> 00:21:12.062
I'll be thrown out of the cave.

403
00:21:12.062 --> 00:21:14.189
- What is your fear of being abandoned?

404
00:21:14.189 --> 00:21:15.774
- Well naturally that I'll die

405
00:21:15.774 --> 00:21:19.027
unless I do all of the
stuff for other people.

406
00:21:20.028 --> 00:21:21.989
- [Gabor] When you do all
the stuff for the people,

407
00:21:21.989 --> 00:21:23.198
- [Alison] Mm-hm.

408
00:21:23.198 --> 00:21:25.284
- [Gabor] what are you doing to yourself?

409
00:21:25.284 --> 00:21:26.952
- I'm abandoning me.
- Yeah.

410
00:21:26.952 --> 00:21:27.869
- Yeah.
- Okay.

411
00:21:27.869 --> 00:21:29.997
- Yeah.
- So you're actually enacting

412
00:21:30.914 --> 00:21:32.582
your worst fear.
- Mm-hm.

413
00:21:35.377 --> 00:21:37.796
I was the youngest of five,
very ambitious family,

414
00:21:37.796 --> 00:21:41.466
very successful, except
everyone's an alcoholic.

415
00:21:41.466 --> 00:21:43.927
I go in the bar, they're drinking.

416
00:21:43.927 --> 00:21:46.096
(people chattering)

417
00:21:46.096 --> 00:21:47.264
There's no room for me.

418
00:21:47.264 --> 00:21:49.933
It's like, oh, shut up Alison, shut up.

419
00:21:49.933 --> 00:21:51.310
You're wrong. You're wrong.

420
00:21:51.310 --> 00:21:53.854
So my job was to be wrong in the family.

421
00:21:55.981 --> 00:21:59.026
I'll never forget my mother saying to me:

422
00:21:59.026 --> 00:22:01.737
"I just don't understand you!"

423
00:22:01.737 --> 00:22:03.822
And I was six-years-old and I thought,

424
00:22:03.822 --> 00:22:07.326
my god, if you don't
understand me, I'm lost.

425
00:22:10.495 --> 00:22:13.081
- Allow me to give you
another perception of you.

426
00:22:13.081 --> 00:22:14.916
You're the one that more than others

427
00:22:14.916 --> 00:22:17.919
absorbs all the pain and
stress in the family.

428
00:22:18.795 --> 00:22:22.883
And then you manifest it and
they can't stand seeing it.

429
00:22:22.883 --> 00:22:25.052
So in exiling you, they're exiling

430
00:22:25.052 --> 00:22:27.179
their own pain and stress.
- Right, right.

431
00:22:31.141 --> 00:22:34.478
- As a child, we have
two fundamental needs.

432
00:22:37.856 --> 00:22:40.067
One need that's with us since infancy,

433
00:22:40.067 --> 00:22:43.445
and it's absolute and it's
not negotiable is attachment.

434
00:22:46.698 --> 00:22:49.159
And so the other need
then is authenticity.

435
00:22:50.702 --> 00:22:53.497
Authenticity, therefore, is
the connection to ourselves,

436
00:22:54.831 --> 00:22:55.832
because without authenticity,

437
00:22:55.832 --> 00:22:57.459
without a connection to our gut feelings,

438
00:22:57.459 --> 00:22:59.920
just how long do you
survive out there in nature?

439
00:23:01.880 --> 00:23:05.092
So authenticity is not some new age,

440
00:23:05.092 --> 00:23:07.344
pseudo-spiritual concept.

441
00:23:07.344 --> 00:23:09.805
It's actually a survival necessity.

442
00:23:13.183 --> 00:23:16.895
(balloons popping)

443
00:23:16.895 --> 00:23:18.688
(tense music)

444
00:23:18.688 --> 00:23:21.108
What happens if in order to survive

445
00:23:21.108 --> 00:23:24.277
or to adjust to your environment,

446
00:23:24.277 --> 00:23:26.488
you have to suppress your gut feelings,

447
00:23:26.488 --> 00:23:28.407
you have to suppress your authenticity?

448
00:23:30.033 --> 00:23:30.867
(mirror shatters)

449
00:23:30.867 --> 00:23:32.702
So normal society does not allow anger,

450
00:23:32.702 --> 00:23:36.790
and the child who's
angry must be separated.

451
00:23:36.790 --> 00:23:37.916
In other words, we have to threaten

452
00:23:37.916 --> 00:23:41.253
his attachment to relationships,
on which is life depends

453
00:23:41.253 --> 00:23:43.130
so that he can suppress his emotions.

454
00:23:43.130 --> 00:23:45.632
Well that child, if he
learns the lesson well,

455
00:23:45.632 --> 00:23:47.551
will disconnect from their anger,

456
00:23:47.551 --> 00:23:49.428
and then he's a sitting
duck for depression,

457
00:23:49.428 --> 00:23:51.721
mental illness or for physical illness.

458
00:23:52.681 --> 00:23:55.267
Okay, so kid is angry,
but how about helping him

459
00:23:55.267 --> 00:23:57.727
move through the anger to
learn how to modulate it?

460
00:23:57.727 --> 00:24:00.647
Not to repress it, but to learn
to become friends with it.

461
00:24:02.274 --> 00:24:03.442
We don't want people that are not angry.

462
00:24:03.442 --> 00:24:05.110
We want people to know that anger

463
00:24:05.110 --> 00:24:06.653
doesn't have to be destructive.

464
00:24:08.613 --> 00:24:11.074
What were you pushing down
when you were depressed?

465
00:24:12.409 --> 00:24:13.994
- Anger.
- Right.

466
00:24:13.994 --> 00:24:15.579
You were pushing down-
- Rage.

467
00:24:15.579 --> 00:24:16.872
- You were pushing down your anger, right?

468
00:24:16.872 --> 00:24:17.706
- [Alison] Yeah.

469
00:24:18.790 --> 00:24:21.543
- [Gabor] Can you see how
why for a six-year-old

470
00:24:21.543 --> 00:24:24.504
it might be a really brilliant
idea to push down the rage?

471
00:24:24.504 --> 00:24:25.338
- Yeah.

472
00:24:25.338 --> 00:24:26.173
- Why?

473
00:24:27.716 --> 00:24:28.967
- For survival.

474
00:24:28.967 --> 00:24:29.801
- Exactly.

475
00:24:31.136 --> 00:24:33.013
You talked about your many failures.

476
00:24:34.014 --> 00:24:35.599
I just want you to pick one.

477
00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:39.352
- The fear if left on my
own, I won't get out of bed.

478
00:24:40.520 --> 00:24:42.147
I've done that before.

479
00:24:45.734 --> 00:24:47.527
- [Gabor] And you regard
that as a failure?

480
00:24:47.527 --> 00:24:49.863
- [Alison] Falling apart I
regard that as a failure.

481
00:24:49.863 --> 00:24:50.989
- [Gabor] You regard that as a failure?

482
00:24:50.989 --> 00:24:51.823
- [Alison] Right.

483
00:24:51.823 --> 00:24:52.782
- Okay.

484
00:24:52.782 --> 00:24:54.534
So your failure is that you got depressed

485
00:24:54.534 --> 00:24:56.661
and as you put it, you fell apart.

486
00:24:56.661 --> 00:24:57.537
Is that the failure?

487
00:24:57.537 --> 00:24:59.164
- [Alison] Yeah.

488
00:24:59.164 --> 00:25:00.707
- [Gabor] Just identify the age that you

489
00:25:00.707 --> 00:25:02.626
first recall being depressed then.

490
00:25:05.504 --> 00:25:08.256
- Probably about six or seven.

491
00:25:08.256 --> 00:25:09.841
- [Gabor] How old are your kids now?

492
00:25:09.841 --> 00:25:13.386
My oldest daughter is 33,

493
00:25:13.386 --> 00:25:17.224
my son is 30 and my
youngest daughter's 27.

494
00:25:17.224 --> 00:25:18.058
- [Gabor] Okay.

495
00:25:18.975 --> 00:25:21.561
Choose one as a thought
experiment right now,

496
00:25:21.561 --> 00:25:23.772
and I want you to imagine
them at age seven.

497
00:25:24.606 --> 00:25:25.690
- Mm-hm.

498
00:25:25.690 --> 00:25:27.359
- Let's say they get depressed.

499
00:25:28.902 --> 00:25:33.615
Would you go to them and
say: "You are total failure?"

500
00:25:34.533 --> 00:25:35.575
- [Alison] Of course not.

501
00:25:35.575 --> 00:25:37.077
- Why not?

502
00:25:37.077 --> 00:25:39.162
Notice you're calling yourself a failure?

503
00:25:42.832 --> 00:25:44.376
I'm going to say something radical to you.

504
00:25:44.376 --> 00:25:45.210
- Okay.

505
00:25:45.210 --> 00:25:47.212
- The depression was a major success,

506
00:25:48.421 --> 00:25:49.256
not a failure.

507
00:25:50.590 --> 00:25:52.467
Okay? Now I know that
sounds ridiculous, but-

508
00:25:52.467 --> 00:25:53.885
- No, no. I'm listening.

509
00:25:53.885 --> 00:25:56.972
You're telling me that having that pain

510
00:25:56.972 --> 00:26:00.600
showed me deeper inside of myself,

511
00:26:00.600 --> 00:26:03.853
how I was abandoning myself.
- Precisely.

512
00:26:03.853 --> 00:26:06.189
So maybe you want to stop
calling it a failure.

513
00:26:06.189 --> 00:26:07.607
- [Alison] Mm-hm.

514
00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:11.570
- [Gabor] You go through
your whole life like that

515
00:26:11.570 --> 00:26:14.447
and see how everything that
you judge about yourself

516
00:26:14.447 --> 00:26:16.491
actually served the purpose at the time.

517
00:26:16.491 --> 00:26:17.325
- Yeah.

518
00:26:18.702 --> 00:26:19.536
Yeah.

519
00:26:22.163 --> 00:26:22.998
Mm-hm.

520
00:26:22.998 --> 00:26:24.874
- Really, isn't it simple?
- It is simple.

521
00:26:28.128 --> 00:26:31.423
- Gabor Maté, thanks very much
for coming on Under the Skin.

522
00:26:31.423 --> 00:26:33.341
The reason I'm so excited to talk to you,

523
00:26:33.341 --> 00:26:35.635
the reason that I believe
you're having such

524
00:26:35.635 --> 00:26:39.264
an important cultural
impact is because of your

525
00:26:39.264 --> 00:26:43.435
rare compassion and insight
into the world of addiction.

526
00:26:43.435 --> 00:26:45.520
When it was heroin, I would like have,

527
00:26:45.520 --> 00:26:48.732
I would reflect. Well, after
I'd used and just go, right,

528
00:26:48.732 --> 00:26:50.400
this isn't for me, this has got to stop.

529
00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:52.193
This is not a sustainable system.

530
00:26:52.193 --> 00:26:53.486
- You think you'd never need it anymore

531
00:26:53.486 --> 00:26:54.821
'cause you feel complete.
- Mm.

532
00:26:54.821 --> 00:26:57.782
- And then comes the
remorse of what have I done?

533
00:26:57.782 --> 00:26:59.618
And then you say I don't need
to do to this ever again.

534
00:26:59.618 --> 00:27:00.452
(Russell laughs)

535
00:27:00.452 --> 00:27:01.745
And then by the time I'm home,

536
00:27:01.745 --> 00:27:02.871
I'm running back to the store again

537
00:27:02.871 --> 00:27:05.665
to get the next thing that I didn't buy.

538
00:27:05.665 --> 00:27:08.877
In the life of every person
who's ever been addicted

539
00:27:08.877 --> 00:27:11.671
and ever will be addicted,
there's always trauma.

540
00:27:16.217 --> 00:27:18.386
An addiction is any behavior

541
00:27:18.386 --> 00:27:21.514
that a person finds
relief in the short term

542
00:27:21.514 --> 00:27:24.559
and craves but suffers
negative consequences

543
00:27:24.559 --> 00:27:26.227
and cannot give it up.

544
00:27:26.227 --> 00:27:27.062
There are so many addictions.

545
00:27:27.062 --> 00:27:30.857
Could be drugs, obviously,
alcohol, nicotine.

546
00:27:30.857 --> 00:27:33.568
Could also be sex, could be gambling,

547
00:27:33.568 --> 00:27:36.404
could be shopping, could be eating,

548
00:27:36.404 --> 00:27:39.199
could be pornography,
could be the internet,

549
00:27:39.199 --> 00:27:44.204
could be gaming, could be
work, could be relationships.

550
00:27:44.537 --> 00:27:46.539
That's what an addiction is.

551
00:27:52.170 --> 00:27:54.756
First issue is not why the addiction

552
00:27:54.756 --> 00:27:55.840
but why the pain?

553
00:27:56.800 --> 00:27:59.469
(woman sobbing)

554
00:28:01.262 --> 00:28:04.182
(melancholy music)

555
00:28:06.768 --> 00:28:09.771
(water splashing)

556
00:28:09.771 --> 00:28:14.401
In our society there are
two myths around addiction.

557
00:28:14.401 --> 00:28:15.902
The pernicious line is the belief

558
00:28:15.902 --> 00:28:18.279
that addiction is a choice
and that the decisions

559
00:28:18.279 --> 00:28:19.781
that arise out of addictions

560
00:28:19.781 --> 00:28:23.034
are therefore a matter of
individual culpability.

561
00:28:23.034 --> 00:28:25.286
And so therefore addicts for the most part

562
00:28:25.286 --> 00:28:26.913
are punished for being addicted.

563
00:28:27.997 --> 00:28:29.833
Now the other belief around addiction,

564
00:28:29.833 --> 00:28:32.293
but still misleading, is that
it's an inherited disease,

565
00:28:32.293 --> 00:28:34.462
it's a biological disorder of the brain.

566
00:28:34.462 --> 00:28:36.464
That belief is more humane,

567
00:28:36.464 --> 00:28:37.924
much more than the choice belief,

568
00:28:37.924 --> 00:28:40.468
because at least if
somebody inherits a disease,

569
00:28:40.468 --> 00:28:42.595
they're not to be punished for it

570
00:28:42.595 --> 00:28:44.681
but they are to be provided

571
00:28:44.681 --> 00:28:47.684
with treatment as with any disease.

572
00:28:47.684 --> 00:28:50.895
However, it's also
misleading because it ignores

573
00:28:50.895 --> 00:28:52.689
why people really get addicted,

574
00:28:52.689 --> 00:28:54.983
which has got nothing to do with disease.

575
00:28:54.983 --> 00:28:58.278
It's among the normal
human responses to trauma.

576
00:28:58.278 --> 00:28:59.112
When people are suffering,

577
00:28:59.112 --> 00:29:00.780
they want to escape their suffering.

578
00:29:00.780 --> 00:29:01.740
That's normal.

579
00:29:03.032 --> 00:29:05.452
(soft music)

580
00:29:29.559 --> 00:29:31.311
- My name is Tuta Ponchiao Chi.

581
00:29:31.311 --> 00:29:33.021
I'm 43-years-old.

582
00:29:33.021 --> 00:29:36.232
I come from a family of
Thai restaurant owners.

583
00:29:36.232 --> 00:29:38.777
I moved away when I was 14.

584
00:29:38.777 --> 00:29:40.653
I was never good enough.

585
00:29:40.653 --> 00:29:43.072
I mean, I think if I had
parents who didn't really care

586
00:29:43.072 --> 00:29:45.992
and was lenient, no, I
don't think I would have

587
00:29:45.992 --> 00:29:49.204
really got right into it
and really got addicted.

588
00:29:49.204 --> 00:29:51.748
I might've just, you know,
tried it once or twice,

589
00:29:51.748 --> 00:29:54.793
but I think the pressure
was on from the upbringing

590
00:29:54.793 --> 00:29:57.086
and having to feel like I had to achieve

591
00:29:57.086 --> 00:30:00.256
and be the best of what
I did, an A student.

592
00:30:00.256 --> 00:30:03.343
And so when I moved away,
I really wanted to prove

593
00:30:03.343 --> 00:30:05.678
not just myself but to them that I was

594
00:30:05.678 --> 00:30:06.888
more than what they saw.

595
00:30:07.847 --> 00:30:09.974
You know, I did apply
to Stanford University.

596
00:30:09.974 --> 00:30:12.143
That was my number one choice.

597
00:30:12.143 --> 00:30:14.187
I was disappointed I didn't get in.

598
00:30:14.187 --> 00:30:17.106
And San Francisco State
University was my second choice

599
00:30:17.106 --> 00:30:19.943
and while there I did do the same things

600
00:30:19.943 --> 00:30:21.903
that I was doing when
I was in high school,

601
00:30:21.903 --> 00:30:24.823
playing for the NCWA, singing choir.

602
00:30:27.575 --> 00:30:29.911
With doing so many things,
pledging sororities

603
00:30:29.911 --> 00:30:32.121
and doing, being different club members,

604
00:30:32.121 --> 00:30:35.875
I'm saying I was just trying
to find my way in the world.

605
00:30:35.875 --> 00:30:38.378
And then I started to work
at the nightclubs here.

606
00:30:38.378 --> 00:30:41.339
And so I think that's
when I really evolved

607
00:30:41.339 --> 00:30:42.924
because I wanted to do everything.

608
00:30:42.924 --> 00:30:44.217
I wanted to go to school,

609
00:30:44.217 --> 00:30:47.470
I wanted to work, but I
needed to do homework as well.

610
00:30:47.470 --> 00:30:49.556
So the pressure was on then.

611
00:30:49.556 --> 00:30:52.058
So then it got into heavier drugs,

612
00:30:52.058 --> 00:30:53.643
so I needed the meth to stay up.

613
00:30:57.063 --> 00:30:59.899
- I think our society just
doesn't understand addiction.

614
00:30:59.899 --> 00:31:01.943
Without the addiction,
they felt incomplete,

615
00:31:01.943 --> 00:31:03.778
they felt this huge emptiness inside.

616
00:31:04.654 --> 00:31:08.867
It's as if the addiction
was to complete themselves,

617
00:31:08.867 --> 00:31:13.872
and to somehow temporarily
cover up the emptiness.

618
00:31:16.416 --> 00:31:19.460
Why the finger-pointing, why the judgments

619
00:31:19.460 --> 00:31:22.338
on a particular group of
people who are addicted

620
00:31:22.338 --> 00:31:24.340
who happen to use substances?

621
00:31:26.759 --> 00:31:29.429
My first job that I ever had
as a physician in Vancouver

622
00:31:29.429 --> 00:31:30.680
after I did my internship was actually

623
00:31:30.680 --> 00:31:32.891
in the downtown east side of Vancouver.

624
00:31:32.891 --> 00:31:34.809
It's North America's most concentrated

625
00:31:34.809 --> 00:31:37.395
and most dramatic area of drug use

626
00:31:37.395 --> 00:31:40.148
where there's more people injecting

627
00:31:40.148 --> 00:31:44.277
and ingesting and inhaling
all kinds of substances

628
00:31:44.277 --> 00:31:46.779
than anywhere else in the planet.

629
00:31:46.779 --> 00:31:49.866
And I go this old, broken down hotel

630
00:31:49.866 --> 00:31:52.493
with cracking paint on the walls

631
00:31:52.493 --> 00:31:55.496
and there's strange
people walking in and out,

632
00:31:55.496 --> 00:31:58.166
and I felt totally at home right away.

633
00:31:58.166 --> 00:32:00.710
And after two years, I
shifted my full-time work

634
00:32:00.710 --> 00:32:02.003
to the downtown east side.

635
00:32:03.922 --> 00:32:05.465
So I worked there for 12 years.

636
00:32:07.425 --> 00:32:11.095
They all had suffered
tremendous torment as children,

637
00:32:11.095 --> 00:32:13.932
which also meant that their
addictions were extreme.

638
00:32:13.932 --> 00:32:17.852
They were quite willing
to sacrifice love, life,

639
00:32:17.852 --> 00:32:21.606
relationship, health
just for the next hit.

640
00:32:21.606 --> 00:32:24.067
They were that desperate
to escape from reality

641
00:32:24.067 --> 00:32:26.361
because reality had been so cruel to them.

642
00:32:27.737 --> 00:32:30.073
We were dealing with people
with severe infections.

643
00:32:30.073 --> 00:32:31.824
They would inject drugs.

644
00:32:31.824 --> 00:32:33.701
That would give them abscesses,

645
00:32:33.701 --> 00:32:36.913
not only in their skin or their muscles,

646
00:32:36.913 --> 00:32:39.165
but also in their brains,

647
00:32:39.165 --> 00:32:42.585
in their spinal cord, in their joints.

648
00:32:42.585 --> 00:32:44.545
So they have to be hospitalized,

649
00:32:44.545 --> 00:32:46.172
which is the only facility
where you can deliver

650
00:32:46.172 --> 00:32:48.675
IV antibiotics several times a day.

651
00:32:48.675 --> 00:32:50.551
But they were users, so there'd be

652
00:32:50.551 --> 00:32:52.887
always absconding from the hospital

653
00:32:52.887 --> 00:32:55.556
and even using the IV
lines to inject through.

654
00:32:55.556 --> 00:32:57.725
So inevitably they would
be kicked out of hospital,

655
00:32:57.725 --> 00:33:00.061
which means that their
life-threatening infections

656
00:33:00.061 --> 00:33:01.145
would be untreated.

657
00:33:02.814 --> 00:33:04.315
This is how I met Joey Carter.

658
00:33:06.234 --> 00:33:08.236
I think I pushed him
across an intersection once

659
00:33:08.236 --> 00:33:09.612
in his wheelchair, maybe
that's the first time

660
00:33:09.612 --> 00:33:10.655
we actually met.

661
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:14.409
- And you helped me out and
you said, what are you doing?

662
00:33:14.409 --> 00:33:16.119
Enough's enough.

663
00:33:16.119 --> 00:33:19.038
I'm going to admit you to CTC-R,
are you going to go there?

664
00:33:19.914 --> 00:33:22.291
And I was like, well,
what about my addiction?

665
00:33:23.459 --> 00:33:25.795
And then you said, well,
what are you using?

666
00:33:25.795 --> 00:33:29.007
And I said, well, I've been
using morphine and m-eslon.

667
00:33:30.133 --> 00:33:31.551
I said, how many will you give me a day?

668
00:33:31.551 --> 00:33:33.761
You said as many as you
have in your pocket.

669
00:33:40.309 --> 00:33:41.936
- By meeting people where they're at

670
00:33:41.936 --> 00:33:44.939
and treating them like human beings

671
00:33:44.939 --> 00:33:46.524
and not trying to change them

672
00:33:47.775 --> 00:33:50.611
actually opens up the possibility

673
00:33:50.611 --> 00:33:52.530
of transformation for them.

674
00:33:52.530 --> 00:33:54.365
And Joey's a plain example.

675
00:33:56.325 --> 00:33:58.327
- 'Cause they had come
in like every four hours

676
00:33:58.327 --> 00:34:00.246
to give me my morphine.
- Yeah.

677
00:34:00.246 --> 00:34:02.749
- And I wasn't needing it.

678
00:34:02.749 --> 00:34:04.625
I was saving it, right.

679
00:34:04.625 --> 00:34:07.754
And I woke up and there is
like morphine all over the bed

680
00:34:07.754 --> 00:34:09.338
and I thought it was in heaven.

681
00:34:09.338 --> 00:34:11.591
(laughing)

682
00:34:12.592 --> 00:34:13.676
- I do recall your poetry,

683
00:34:13.676 --> 00:34:16.888
and you were a very, a very avid writer.

684
00:34:16.888 --> 00:34:17.722
- Yeah.

685
00:34:17.722 --> 00:34:19.474
- And you've shared some of that with me.

686
00:34:20.558 --> 00:34:24.187
Is there one that, you know,
that you can recite now?

687
00:34:24.187 --> 00:34:25.021
- Yeah.

688
00:34:25.897 --> 00:34:26.981
It goes (clears throat)

689
00:34:26.981 --> 00:34:30.985
I misbehave when I crave to
push the venom in my veins.

690
00:34:30.985 --> 00:34:32.987
I lose all control of my inner soul

691
00:34:32.987 --> 00:34:35.114
and my demons hold the reins.

692
00:34:35.114 --> 00:34:38.451
I deceive whoever believes,
I twist their open trust.

693
00:34:38.451 --> 00:34:40.661
With nefarious precision
and tunnel vision,

694
00:34:40.661 --> 00:34:42.789
I pursue the venom with lust.

695
00:34:42.789 --> 00:34:44.123
With the desire so strong,

696
00:34:44.123 --> 00:34:46.793
I forget all bonds
hurting the ones I adore,

697
00:34:46.793 --> 00:34:49.045
And even though they love
me, they move on from me

698
00:34:49.045 --> 00:34:50.922
to let me fight my war.

699
00:34:50.922 --> 00:34:52.757
Uncontrollable, I'm inconsolable,

700
00:34:52.757 --> 00:34:54.592
slowly I'm dying inside.

701
00:34:54.592 --> 00:34:56.511
A glutton of such, I've used too much,

702
00:34:56.511 --> 00:34:58.096
now there's no life in my eyes.

703
00:34:59.013 --> 00:34:59.847
- Wow.

704
00:35:00.890 --> 00:35:03.810
(soft piano music)

705
00:35:10.066 --> 00:35:12.777
I wanna talk to you guys

706
00:35:12.777 --> 00:35:14.195
about why you think you got addicted?

707
00:35:14.195 --> 00:35:16.697
Like, what did it do for
you in the short term

708
00:35:16.697 --> 00:35:19.117
that you wanted it,
like you appreciated it?

709
00:35:19.117 --> 00:35:20.493
- The one thing that I've learned

710
00:35:20.493 --> 00:35:23.412
was gratification through sex.

711
00:35:23.412 --> 00:35:24.997
It would pay my rent,
it would pay my food,

712
00:35:24.997 --> 00:35:27.041
it would pay my clothes.

713
00:35:27.041 --> 00:35:29.127
But it was also feeling loved.

714
00:35:30.002 --> 00:35:31.212
- [Gabor] Feeling loved? Like...

715
00:35:31.212 --> 00:35:34.298
- Having that desire for
somebody to care and-

716
00:35:34.298 --> 00:35:36.300
- And want you.
- Want you.

717
00:35:36.300 --> 00:35:38.302
- I wouldn't be able to
have a sexual relationship

718
00:35:38.302 --> 00:35:41.556
if I wasn't using, because
I couldn't feel anything

719
00:35:41.556 --> 00:35:43.099
towards the other person.

720
00:35:43.099 --> 00:35:44.308
- It made you feel more alive?

721
00:35:44.308 --> 00:35:46.853
- Yeah. It made me feel more in tune.

722
00:35:46.853 --> 00:35:48.729
- Yeah.
- Yeah, like that's...

723
00:35:48.729 --> 00:35:51.065
And I used it to have feelings.

724
00:35:51.065 --> 00:35:52.150
- I didn't feel pretty,

725
00:35:52.150 --> 00:35:53.526
I didn't feel like...

726
00:35:53.526 --> 00:35:55.987
And as soon as I would
do a little bit of drugs,

727
00:35:55.987 --> 00:35:58.406
my self-esteem would instantly go up.

728
00:35:58.406 --> 00:36:03.411
- I did so much sports and
was on such a strict schedule

729
00:36:04.245 --> 00:36:08.166
that when I started to
use in like grade eight,

730
00:36:08.166 --> 00:36:11.294
grade nine, like, I was free.

731
00:36:11.294 --> 00:36:12.336
- So freedom.

732
00:36:13.504 --> 00:36:15.214
Sense of aliveness.

733
00:36:15.214 --> 00:36:16.883
Completion. Self-esteem.

734
00:36:17.967 --> 00:36:20.761
These are all wonderful
things, aren't they?

735
00:36:20.761 --> 00:36:22.930
When they talk about
addiction being a bad choice,

736
00:36:22.930 --> 00:36:23.890
I say no, it isn't.

737
00:36:24.849 --> 00:36:26.726
It's actually a solution to a problem.

738
00:36:31.230 --> 00:36:33.107
If we understand that the addiction

739
00:36:33.107 --> 00:36:35.026
is not the primary problem,

740
00:36:35.026 --> 00:36:36.944
but really a response to trauma,

741
00:36:36.944 --> 00:36:39.947
then it becomes obvious that
in order to heal addiction,

742
00:36:39.947 --> 00:36:41.407
you have to heal the trauma.

743
00:36:41.407 --> 00:36:43.075
But it means that you see the wound

744
00:36:43.075 --> 00:36:44.410
that's driving that person.

745
00:36:47.413 --> 00:36:50.166
(birds chirping)

746
00:36:51.500 --> 00:36:54.879
(melancholy music)

747
00:36:54.879 --> 00:36:58.674
Underneath that traumatized persona,

748
00:36:58.674 --> 00:37:00.927
there's the healthy
individual who has never

749
00:37:00.927 --> 00:37:02.762
found expression in this life

750
00:37:02.762 --> 00:37:03.804
because they were never given

751
00:37:03.804 --> 00:37:07.725
the venue for expression,
never given the relationships,

752
00:37:07.725 --> 00:37:09.644
in which they could, their all

753
00:37:09.644 --> 00:37:11.562
authentic humanity could be expressed.

754
00:37:15.358 --> 00:37:17.777
(soft music)

755
00:37:21.864 --> 00:37:24.700
Are we free? Are we conscious?

756
00:37:24.700 --> 00:37:28.329
Are we making a decision
based on full awareness

757
00:37:28.329 --> 00:37:32.833
or are we driven by unconscious dynamics

758
00:37:32.833 --> 00:37:35.544
that we've inherited or that we developed

759
00:37:35.544 --> 00:37:38.506
as a response to childhood trauma?

760
00:37:39.590 --> 00:37:42.843
Well, insofar as we're not
conscious, we are not free.

761
00:37:48.641 --> 00:37:52.603
We have then a social
structure that induces trauma

762
00:37:52.603 --> 00:37:53.854
in a lot of people,

763
00:37:53.854 --> 00:37:56.023
therefore it induces escapist,

764
00:37:56.023 --> 00:37:58.317
addictive behaviors in a lot of people,

765
00:37:58.317 --> 00:38:01.445
and those inner trends line up

766
00:38:01.445 --> 00:38:03.281
with how society looks
like on the outside.

767
00:38:03.281 --> 00:38:05.992
So therefore all this
looks perfectly normal

768
00:38:05.992 --> 00:38:07.076
and perfectly natural.

769
00:38:09.287 --> 00:38:11.539
Fundamentally the messages
is that with our minds

770
00:38:11.539 --> 00:38:12.456
we create the world.

771
00:38:12.456 --> 00:38:17.461
So if I have a worldview that
the world is a horrible place,

772
00:38:17.712 --> 00:38:19.547
then I'm going to live in a world where

773
00:38:19.547 --> 00:38:23.259
I have to be aggressive,
suspicious, competitive

774
00:38:23.259 --> 00:38:25.303
and make myself as big as possible

775
00:38:25.303 --> 00:38:26.929
so I don't get eaten up.

776
00:38:26.929 --> 00:38:29.598
So I have to be grandiose and cunning

777
00:38:29.598 --> 00:38:31.058
because that's the world I'm living in.

778
00:38:31.058 --> 00:38:33.394
And these are the people that our society

779
00:38:33.394 --> 00:38:38.107
rewards with power.
(dramatic music)

780
00:38:51.579 --> 00:38:54.248
- Do you think that the
inability of these individuals

781
00:38:54.248 --> 00:38:56.751
to manifest real change is a demonstration

782
00:38:56.751 --> 00:38:59.086
that what we have are deeply entrenched

783
00:38:59.086 --> 00:39:02.506
and traumatized systems
that are predicated

784
00:39:02.506 --> 00:39:06.344
on unconscious choices, unconscious drives

785
00:39:06.344 --> 00:39:09.263
and that the system cannot and will not

786
00:39:09.263 --> 00:39:12.641
alter itself from within
itself, but will sustain itself,

787
00:39:12.641 --> 00:39:17.646
and it's only sort of new,
radical ideas that can alter it?

788
00:39:17.730 --> 00:39:19.982
- That's exactly what I'm saying.

789
00:39:19.982 --> 00:39:22.943
Large segments of the economy survive

790
00:39:22.943 --> 00:39:25.613
because people buy things that
give them temporary pleasure

791
00:39:25.613 --> 00:39:27.615
but do them no good
whatsoever in the long-term,

792
00:39:27.615 --> 00:39:29.200
in fact are even harmful.

793
00:39:29.200 --> 00:39:31.327
I mean, we're going so far
as to destroy the earth

794
00:39:31.327 --> 00:39:32.578
because of our addiction.

795
00:39:37.083 --> 00:39:39.585
(tense music)

796
00:39:52.807 --> 00:39:54.517
The disconnect from the body of the earth

797
00:39:54.517 --> 00:39:56.477
really has to do with the
disconnect from our own bodies.

798
00:39:56.477 --> 00:39:58.145
The two are together.

799
00:39:58.145 --> 00:39:59.730
And the exploitation of the earth

800
00:39:59.730 --> 00:40:01.857
as if it was something separate from us

801
00:40:01.857 --> 00:40:05.986
has a lot to do with
patriarchal domination.

802
00:40:05.986 --> 00:40:07.446
I mean, we talk about mother earth.

803
00:40:07.446 --> 00:40:09.281
Look what we're doing to mother.

804
00:40:09.281 --> 00:40:10.783
It's a mother hatred almost.

805
00:40:15.913 --> 00:40:19.875
It speaks to a blindness and a passivity

806
00:40:19.875 --> 00:40:23.295
which itself is a marker of
societal and collective trauma.

807
00:40:28.717 --> 00:40:31.178
Our schools are full of kids
with learning difficulties,

808
00:40:31.178 --> 00:40:33.848
mental health issues
that are trauma-based,

809
00:40:33.848 --> 00:40:35.516
but the average teacher never gets

810
00:40:35.516 --> 00:40:37.268
a single lecture on trauma.

811
00:40:37.268 --> 00:40:39.603
They're fundamentally working with

812
00:40:39.603 --> 00:40:41.939
an essential lack of information.

813
00:40:41.939 --> 00:40:45.651
I actually barely mentioned
the criminal justice system

814
00:40:45.651 --> 00:40:48.446
has no understanding or even acquaintance

815
00:40:48.446 --> 00:40:50.197
with the concept of trauma.

816
00:40:50.197 --> 00:40:52.324
In fact, they often create policies

817
00:40:52.324 --> 00:40:55.327
that further deepen people's trauma.

818
00:40:55.327 --> 00:40:57.705
That these institutions
need to be informed

819
00:40:57.705 --> 00:41:01.500
of what trauma is and
how to respond to it.

820
00:41:02.877 --> 00:41:04.837
- I went between custodies of different

821
00:41:06.005 --> 00:41:07.423
states and counties...

822
00:41:09.467 --> 00:41:10.801
Since 18.

823
00:41:10.801 --> 00:41:13.596
I struggled with addiction
and they were sending me

824
00:41:13.596 --> 00:41:17.057
to these places to get
the help that you needed.

825
00:41:17.057 --> 00:41:18.893
I had nothing but the
authorities telling me

826
00:41:18.893 --> 00:41:21.437
that it was my fault, my fault, my fault,

827
00:41:21.437 --> 00:41:22.646
because you're choosing this, you know

828
00:41:22.646 --> 00:41:24.440
and I can't keep choosing it.

829
00:41:24.440 --> 00:41:26.984
And you're supposed to trust
and believe in these people.

830
00:41:26.984 --> 00:41:28.903
California industrialized prison.

831
00:41:31.238 --> 00:41:33.115
- Trauma doesn't know of color,

832
00:41:33.115 --> 00:41:35.117
trauma doesn't know of age,

833
00:41:35.117 --> 00:41:37.036
trauma doesn't know a tax bracket,

834
00:41:37.036 --> 00:41:38.579
trauma doesn't know any of these things.

835
00:41:38.579 --> 00:41:41.040
Anybody can be traumatizing anybody.

836
00:41:42.374 --> 00:41:44.376
Symptoms of trauma:

837
00:41:44.376 --> 00:41:46.795
nightmares and night terrors.

838
00:41:46.795 --> 00:41:48.214
- [Man 1] Inability to love.

839
00:41:49.548 --> 00:41:51.342
- Addictive behavior.

840
00:41:51.342 --> 00:41:52.801
- [Man 2] Insomnia.

841
00:41:52.801 --> 00:41:53.636
- Depression.

842
00:41:55.054 --> 00:41:55.888
- Shame.

843
00:41:57.431 --> 00:41:59.016
- That's not who you are,

844
00:42:00.184 --> 00:42:02.811
but it's a symptom of being traumatized,

845
00:42:03.854 --> 00:42:05.648
and we're here to heal each other.

846
00:42:08.526 --> 00:42:10.027
We heal in community.

847
00:42:10.027 --> 00:42:11.445
When I do these circles with anybody,

848
00:42:11.445 --> 00:42:15.115
when they see the extent of
childhood trauma in themselves,

849
00:42:15.115 --> 00:42:19.411
but also in the people
around them, it's a shift.

850
00:42:19.411 --> 00:42:23.499
It takes the othering out. It
actually brings a human in.

851
00:42:23.499 --> 00:42:27.086
And that, as a society,
is one of the imperatives

852
00:42:27.086 --> 00:42:28.837
that we need to get to.

853
00:42:28.837 --> 00:42:29.964
We gotta start seeing each other

854
00:42:29.964 --> 00:42:32.633
for what happened to us and
not what's wrong with us.

855
00:42:34.677 --> 00:42:37.263
(cars honking)

856
00:42:39.390 --> 00:42:42.643
(upbeat, bright music)

857
00:42:51.694 --> 00:42:54.113
(soft music)

858
00:42:57.908 --> 00:42:59.827
- My name is Romie Nottage.

859
00:42:59.827 --> 00:43:02.371
I am the senior director of San Francisco

860
00:43:02.371 --> 00:43:05.499
and social innovation for
Downtown Streets Team,

861
00:43:05.499 --> 00:43:08.294
and that is changing the lives of people

862
00:43:08.294 --> 00:43:11.672
who are currently homeless
through the dignity of work.

863
00:43:13.465 --> 00:43:15.551
Labeling people as just drug addicts,

864
00:43:15.551 --> 00:43:17.303
like, it's deeper than that.

865
00:43:17.303 --> 00:43:20.681
They probably at a younger
age have been reinforced

866
00:43:20.681 --> 00:43:24.310
that their value is not
as significant as others.

867
00:43:25.144 --> 00:43:29.273
The pain is the root cause of people

868
00:43:29.273 --> 00:43:31.358
trying to feel comfortable in this world.

869
00:43:32.276 --> 00:43:35.404
Using street drugs is a method.

870
00:43:35.404 --> 00:43:40.284
It is a behavior to support
something that is uncomfortable.

871
00:43:45.831 --> 00:43:47.916
- I was homeless for about 15 years.

872
00:43:49.001 --> 00:43:51.128
It is a survival of the fittest.

873
00:43:53.297 --> 00:43:56.383
I had three kids on the
street while homeless,

874
00:43:56.383 --> 00:43:59.011
walking around, no shoes,
selling drugs, doing drugs,

875
00:43:59.011 --> 00:44:01.013
hoping they would miscarry.

876
00:44:01.013 --> 00:44:02.931
All the babies came out with everything.

877
00:44:02.931 --> 00:44:05.851
Meth, crystal, cocaine,
everything you could think of.

878
00:44:07.728 --> 00:44:10.439
I did utilize those three moments in time

879
00:44:10.439 --> 00:44:14.193
where I had those babies to just rest up

880
00:44:14.193 --> 00:44:16.570
in a nice place and eat a hot meal.

881
00:44:16.570 --> 00:44:20.407
Just basically took a
shower those three times,

882
00:44:20.407 --> 00:44:23.577
'cause while I was homeless,
most of us don't shower.

883
00:44:23.577 --> 00:44:24.995
Maybe once a year, if that.

884
00:44:26.830 --> 00:44:30.292
But I was lucky I had the same
foster mom, all three boys.

885
00:44:30.292 --> 00:44:32.795
Albert, Jetson and James are all thriving.

886
00:44:32.795 --> 00:44:34.254
They're very healthy.

887
00:44:34.254 --> 00:44:35.756
I did fight for them. Don't get me wrong.

888
00:44:35.756 --> 00:44:36.757
I did try to fight for them,

889
00:44:36.757 --> 00:44:39.468
but I wasn't ready to
give up the drug life.

890
00:44:41.845 --> 00:44:45.474
- It was fall, so it was the rain season.

891
00:44:45.474 --> 00:44:48.644
I just remember that constant worry

892
00:44:48.644 --> 00:44:50.521
about where was I gonna go that night?

893
00:44:50.521 --> 00:44:52.564
Would I find shelter?

894
00:44:52.564 --> 00:44:54.066
'Cause there's no where to go, right?

895
00:44:54.066 --> 00:44:57.986
The people that did love
me just said you know what?

896
00:44:57.986 --> 00:45:01.031
We're not going to stand by
anymore while you kill yourself.

897
00:45:01.031 --> 00:45:02.324
We can't do it.

898
00:45:02.324 --> 00:45:03.534
It's hurting more.

899
00:45:03.534 --> 00:45:06.203
We're dying a harder death than you are.

900
00:45:07.287 --> 00:45:09.373
And they just scattered from my life.

901
00:45:11.917 --> 00:45:13.377
I was utterly alone.

902
00:45:19.883 --> 00:45:22.219
- I've been in the city on the streets now

903
00:45:22.219 --> 00:45:24.054
for four years.

904
00:45:24.054 --> 00:45:25.764
Went to college on my GI bill.

905
00:45:25.764 --> 00:45:27.891
I was in the army for a total of 11 years,

906
00:45:27.891 --> 00:45:30.352
then I got diagnosed with
non-Hodgkin's lymphoma

907
00:45:30.352 --> 00:45:31.854
and I retired.

908
00:45:33.063 --> 00:45:35.566
My PTSD comes from experiences with

909
00:45:36.734 --> 00:45:39.528
trying to beat this monkey
on my back, you know?

910
00:45:39.528 --> 00:45:42.322
I've had a beautiful home and vehicles

911
00:45:42.322 --> 00:45:46.368
and wife and kids and thrown
it all away for drugs.

912
00:45:49.329 --> 00:45:52.207
- So when you pass by someone
homeless on the street,

913
00:45:52.207 --> 00:45:55.002
that is such a painful world to live in,

914
00:45:55.002 --> 00:45:57.963
and a very important thing
to do is acknowledge them

915
00:45:57.963 --> 00:46:02.634
and not pretending or literally thinking

916
00:46:02.634 --> 00:46:05.095
that no one's sitting right there.

917
00:46:05.095 --> 00:46:06.513
How are you doing?

918
00:46:06.513 --> 00:46:07.431
Hanging in there?

919
00:46:08.724 --> 00:46:10.559
Had a rough sleep last night?

920
00:46:10.559 --> 00:46:12.352
You stay in the TL?
- I do.

921
00:46:12.352 --> 00:46:14.646
- Yeah, cool. How long have you been here?

922
00:46:14.646 --> 00:46:18.066
- I moved here from
Atlanta February the 7th.

923
00:46:19.485 --> 00:46:21.320
- The number one thing that people

924
00:46:21.320 --> 00:46:23.781
who are experiencing
homelessness suffer from

925
00:46:23.781 --> 00:46:25.365
is feeling looked down on.

926
00:46:27.409 --> 00:46:29.119
It's like people just passing by them,

927
00:46:29.119 --> 00:46:31.413
not acknowledging their experience.

928
00:46:31.413 --> 00:46:34.958
That forms an identity
that is internalized.

929
00:46:36.126 --> 00:46:38.587
Their sense of self has been attacked.

930
00:46:38.587 --> 00:46:41.548
Their dignity has been
completely reinforced

931
00:46:41.548 --> 00:46:45.344
as non-existent every single day.

932
00:46:45.344 --> 00:46:48.764
Humanization of homelessness
is where we need to start

933
00:46:48.764 --> 00:46:51.308
because we're working with people,

934
00:46:51.308 --> 00:46:53.101
we're working with nervous systems,

935
00:46:53.101 --> 00:46:58.065
we are working with deflated
and traumatized senses of self.

936
00:47:03.237 --> 00:47:05.280
To be honest, if I lived in that world,

937
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:06.907
I would want to use, too.

938
00:47:06.907 --> 00:47:08.408
It'd get me out of it.

939
00:47:08.408 --> 00:47:11.537
It'd make me feel not
like that for a minute.

940
00:47:16.542 --> 00:47:17.668
(knocks)
- Hey, Duane, you home?

941
00:47:17.668 --> 00:47:20.671
It's Tessa.
(soft music)

942
00:47:22.840 --> 00:47:26.844
Hey, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?

943
00:47:26.844 --> 00:47:27.719
- I'm Tessa.

944
00:47:27.719 --> 00:47:31.598
I'm a harm reduction specialist
at Abode Housing Services.

945
00:47:31.598 --> 00:47:34.560
I help people move through
the pain of their addiction

946
00:47:34.560 --> 00:47:36.019
and regain dignity.

947
00:47:36.019 --> 00:47:38.689
So, oh my gosh, your place looks amazing.

948
00:47:38.689 --> 00:47:41.817
I took this job because of
the harm reduction approach,

949
00:47:41.817 --> 00:47:43.861
where people get housing.

950
00:47:43.861 --> 00:47:45.445
You don't have an agenda.

951
00:47:45.445 --> 00:47:47.948
You must do this or that
in order to access housing,

952
00:47:47.948 --> 00:47:51.493
you're worthy of housing because
housing should be a right.

953
00:47:51.493 --> 00:47:55.122
When people get housed
after they've been outdoors

954
00:47:55.122 --> 00:47:58.917
for seven, 15, 25 years,
whatever the number is,

955
00:48:01.044 --> 00:48:01.962
you're alone.

956
00:48:05.007 --> 00:48:07.092
You don't have survival to do,

957
00:48:07.092 --> 00:48:09.177
so this is when I'm starting to see

958
00:48:09.177 --> 00:48:11.763
everybody's pain start surfacing

959
00:48:11.763 --> 00:48:14.391
and people are starting to have, you know,

960
00:48:14.391 --> 00:48:17.603
more challenges and emotional challenges

961
00:48:17.603 --> 00:48:19.229
than they did out on the streets.

962
00:48:22.232 --> 00:48:24.735
Dr. Gabor Maté, when
I found his teachings,

963
00:48:24.735 --> 00:48:27.154
and specifically The
Realm of the Hungry Ghost

964
00:48:27.154 --> 00:48:30.240
kind of changed my outlook in life.

965
00:48:30.240 --> 00:48:31.575
I'm very dear to this work.

966
00:48:32.576 --> 00:48:35.329
(rain pattering)

967
00:48:39.666 --> 00:48:43.879
- I'm Gabor's wife and I have
been for close to 50 years.

968
00:48:49.134 --> 00:48:52.763
I met Gabor in October of 1967

969
00:48:52.763 --> 00:48:56.308
when I was a first year student at UBC.

970
00:48:56.308 --> 00:48:58.352
I saw in the student
newspaper that they were

971
00:48:58.352 --> 00:49:02.856
looking for cartoonists and I draw.

972
00:49:02.856 --> 00:49:06.818
I walked into the small
room and he's sitting there

973
00:49:06.818 --> 00:49:09.321
reading a book and I said (clears throat):

974
00:49:09.321 --> 00:49:11.782
"My name's Rae.

975
00:49:13.283 --> 00:49:14.368
I'm supposed to draw you.

976
00:49:14.368 --> 00:49:17.371
Would you mind just sitting there?"

977
00:49:17.371 --> 00:49:19.247
This is it.

978
00:49:21.500 --> 00:49:25.003
I did this before I knew who he was,

979
00:49:25.003 --> 00:49:26.630
before I'd had a conversation.

980
00:49:27.881 --> 00:49:30.050
What a mysterious guy.

981
00:49:30.050 --> 00:49:31.593
Dark, you know?

982
00:49:31.593 --> 00:49:32.761
Intense.

983
00:49:35.639 --> 00:49:37.349
He was so interesting to me.

984
00:49:41.603 --> 00:49:42.938
- I've always been a rebel.

985
00:49:42.938 --> 00:49:47.025
I mean, in communist
Hungary, in grade six,

986
00:49:47.025 --> 00:49:49.403
my teacher wrote in my report card that:

987
00:49:49.403 --> 00:49:52.990
you should watch it because
he incites the other students.

988
00:49:52.990 --> 00:49:54.366
(chuckles)

989
00:49:54.366 --> 00:49:57.744
But so that tendency to
resist arbitrariness,

990
00:49:58.704 --> 00:50:02.082
what I'm being told and
what the official line is.

991
00:50:02.082 --> 00:50:03.959
So I'm really not one for group-think,

992
00:50:03.959 --> 00:50:07.796
and it really helps me
to see through all kinds

993
00:50:07.796 --> 00:50:11.174
of nonsense that people
accept without questioning.

994
00:50:14.344 --> 00:50:16.763
On a personal level, I'm
also a contradiction.

995
00:50:18.015 --> 00:50:21.351
My longing is really a
sense of being excluded

996
00:50:21.351 --> 00:50:24.938
from something, and a
sense of impossibility,

997
00:50:24.938 --> 00:50:27.816
and I very easily go there.

998
00:50:27.816 --> 00:50:29.234
I mean, that is my baseline.

999
00:50:30.944 --> 00:50:33.196
- Very early in my meeting with Gabor,

1000
00:50:33.196 --> 00:50:36.992
I saw clearly the light that he was

1001
00:50:36.992 --> 00:50:38.744
and the dark that he was.

1002
00:50:38.744 --> 00:50:42.956
So I saw brilliance and I saw real,

1003
00:50:42.956 --> 00:50:45.500
I guess trauma is the word I'd use now,

1004
00:50:45.500 --> 00:50:47.002
but I didn't know then.

1005
00:50:47.002 --> 00:50:48.045
To me it was dark.

1006
00:50:48.045 --> 00:50:50.964
And of course, by then I knew he was,

1007
00:50:50.964 --> 00:50:53.050
directly had been in the Holocaust,

1008
00:50:54.384 --> 00:50:56.887
but it was going to be my job to heal him,

1009
00:50:56.887 --> 00:50:58.263
to bring out that light.

1010
00:51:02.851 --> 00:51:04.853
I really believe that
the purpose of marriage

1011
00:51:04.853 --> 00:51:07.272
is to actually go back
to the original trauma,

1012
00:51:07.272 --> 00:51:10.567
which comes from the family.

1013
00:51:11.818 --> 00:51:14.154
I married a man who was
so much like my father.

1014
00:51:17.199 --> 00:51:19.159
- My scientific interest as well

1015
00:51:19.159 --> 00:51:21.286
has been having to deal with my own trauma

1016
00:51:22.162 --> 00:51:24.998
because in my 40s, I was a
very successful physician

1017
00:51:24.998 --> 00:51:28.168
and I was a national columnist
for a Canadian newspaper,

1018
00:51:28.168 --> 00:51:30.087
and I was the head of the
palliative care department

1019
00:51:30.087 --> 00:51:31.630
at a major Canadian hospital,

1020
00:51:31.630 --> 00:51:35.884
and I was depressed and alienated,
in a difficult marriage,

1021
00:51:35.884 --> 00:51:38.053
and my children were scared of me

1022
00:51:38.053 --> 00:51:40.305
and I didn't like being alive.

1023
00:51:42.724 --> 00:51:44.684
- Well, there's just
nothing more frustrating

1024
00:51:44.684 --> 00:51:47.354
to be in a situation, to see him out there

1025
00:51:47.354 --> 00:51:51.441
doing this amazing work, just
the healing and the wisdom

1026
00:51:51.441 --> 00:51:54.236
and the support, and then come home

1027
00:51:54.236 --> 00:51:59.241
and be completely exhausted, irritable.

1028
00:51:59.991 --> 00:52:02.202
And then I get the negativity.

1029
00:52:09.793 --> 00:52:12.796
I have to be me, I have to be authentic.

1030
00:52:15.465 --> 00:52:17.050
My nervous system is so wired

1031
00:52:17.050 --> 00:52:20.220
that if I'm not authentic
to myself, I'm sick.

1032
00:52:20.220 --> 00:52:21.429
I have a stomach ache.

1033
00:52:21.429 --> 00:52:22.681
I can't sleep.

1034
00:52:22.681 --> 00:52:24.224
I'm anxious.

1035
00:52:24.224 --> 00:52:27.352
And it's usually here. (chuckles)

1036
00:52:27.352 --> 00:52:29.688
It's usually something in this dynamic.

1037
00:52:29.688 --> 00:52:30.689
- Yeah.
- Right?

1038
00:52:30.689 --> 00:52:33.775
- When I would compulsively
shop for compact discs

1039
00:52:33.775 --> 00:52:34.734
and lie about it.

1040
00:52:35.610 --> 00:52:37.195
Rae would get neck aches.

1041
00:52:37.195 --> 00:52:38.864
And after a while she figured
out if I got a neck ache,

1042
00:52:38.864 --> 00:52:39.781
this guy is lying to me.

1043
00:52:39.781 --> 00:52:41.074
- He doesn't get away with anything.

1044
00:52:41.074 --> 00:52:41.908
- Yeah.

1045
00:52:46.413 --> 00:52:51.209
- How are you, Gabor Maté,
not processing your trauma?

1046
00:52:51.209 --> 00:52:52.043
- How am I not processing it?

1047
00:52:52.043 --> 00:52:53.587
- Yeah, because like,
if you are not doing it,

1048
00:52:53.587 --> 00:52:54.963
that's like Steve Jobs going:

1049
00:52:54.963 --> 00:52:56.548
"I couldn't get my phone to work."

1050
00:52:57.424 --> 00:52:59.968
- That's another traumatized
person, by the way,

1051
00:52:59.968 --> 00:53:01.636
whose cancer is everything to do with

1052
00:53:01.636 --> 00:53:03.471
the childhood trauma that he experienced,

1053
00:53:03.471 --> 00:53:06.349
but that's another book and another story.

1054
00:53:06.349 --> 00:53:08.351
- So you sort of are a
bit like in the Matrix,

1055
00:53:08.351 --> 00:53:10.770
when Neo sees everything's
made out of numbers,

1056
00:53:10.770 --> 00:53:13.648
you look at people and you see
all their trauma and damage?

1057
00:53:13.648 --> 00:53:14.649
- That's what I see.

1058
00:53:15.734 --> 00:53:17.652
Until I realized that I was traumatized,

1059
00:53:17.652 --> 00:53:20.447
which really wasn't until
my late 30s and mid-40s,

1060
00:53:20.447 --> 00:53:22.908
and began to realize that it
didn't have to be this way,

1061
00:53:22.908 --> 00:53:23.867
that there were reasons for it,

1062
00:53:23.867 --> 00:53:25.660
and I started looking for those reasons.

1063
00:53:25.660 --> 00:53:27.871
So I started waking up
fairly late in life.

1064
00:53:29.080 --> 00:53:31.333
I was a driven, workaholic doctor.

1065
00:53:31.333 --> 00:53:33.752
Now why was a driven workaholic doctor?

1066
00:53:33.752 --> 00:53:34.961
Because the message I got as an infant

1067
00:53:34.961 --> 00:53:36.171
is that the world didn't want me.

1068
00:53:36.171 --> 00:53:37.797
Now how do you deal with not being wanted?

1069
00:53:37.797 --> 00:53:39.466
You make yourself needed.

1070
00:53:39.466 --> 00:53:40.675
So if you're traumatized

1071
00:53:40.675 --> 00:53:42.219
and if you don't think you're lovable,

1072
00:53:42.219 --> 00:53:43.970
my god, go to medical school.

1073
00:53:43.970 --> 00:53:46.056
Now they're going to
want you all the time.

1074
00:53:46.056 --> 00:53:47.557
When they're dying,
when they're being born,

1075
00:53:47.557 --> 00:53:50.727
every moment in between,
and that's highly addictive,

1076
00:53:50.727 --> 00:53:52.896
because you get the
validation all the time.

1077
00:53:56.274 --> 00:53:57.984
A lot of people that go into medicine

1078
00:53:57.984 --> 00:53:59.736
the last thing they want is
to be open and vulnerable.

1079
00:53:59.736 --> 00:54:01.154
In fact, what they want is the authority

1080
00:54:01.154 --> 00:54:02.948
of the white coat and the stethoscope.

1081
00:54:02.948 --> 00:54:05.283
And medical school is very hard on people.

1082
00:54:05.283 --> 00:54:06.534
You might look at it almost

1083
00:54:06.534 --> 00:54:08.662
as a selection process that weeds out

1084
00:54:08.662 --> 00:54:10.413
the people that are too vulnerable.

1085
00:54:10.413 --> 00:54:14.918
The long hours, the deference
to unreasonable authority,

1086
00:54:14.918 --> 00:54:19.256
the stress that you are
willing to subject yourself to,

1087
00:54:19.256 --> 00:54:22.300
and these are the people that,
like me, become physicians.

1088
00:54:22.300 --> 00:54:25.178
So that selects out
against the vulnerable.

1089
00:54:27.347 --> 00:54:29.182
I went to medical school here at UBC.

1090
00:54:30.058 --> 00:54:33.687
At that time, we did not get
a single lecture of trauma.

1091
00:54:33.687 --> 00:54:36.106
We did not even hear the word.

1092
00:54:36.106 --> 00:54:38.858
They still don't hear the
word trauma in medical school.

1093
00:54:44.698 --> 00:54:47.117
So I've looked at the whole
range of human experience

1094
00:54:47.117 --> 00:54:49.869
from birth to death because
I've worked in obstetrics

1095
00:54:49.869 --> 00:54:51.663
and I've worked in palliative care

1096
00:54:51.663 --> 00:54:53.915
and everything else in between.

1097
00:54:53.915 --> 00:54:56.918
The modern medical paradigm in practice

1098
00:54:56.918 --> 00:54:58.753
separates mind from the body

1099
00:54:58.753 --> 00:55:01.006
and it separates the individual
from the environment.

1100
00:55:01.006 --> 00:55:03.133
So when you look at, there's an epidemic

1101
00:55:03.133 --> 00:55:04.634
of asthma right now in North America,

1102
00:55:04.634 --> 00:55:07.095
more and more people, kids
are being diagnosed with it,

1103
00:55:07.095 --> 00:55:09.514
it's all about, or largely about,

1104
00:55:09.514 --> 00:55:12.142
the increasing stress in our society.

1105
00:55:12.142 --> 00:55:14.436
So it's a cultural manifestation,

1106
00:55:14.436 --> 00:55:16.980
and this is completely
missing in medical practice.

1107
00:55:18.064 --> 00:55:20.025
If you look at Black Americans,

1108
00:55:20.025 --> 00:55:22.694
Black Americans are more
likely to get prostate cancer

1109
00:55:23.611 --> 00:55:25.113
and more likely to die of it,

1110
00:55:25.113 --> 00:55:27.198
and not because of a lack of medical care.

1111
00:55:28.908 --> 00:55:30.994
Maybe there's something
about being a minority

1112
00:55:30.994 --> 00:55:34.164
in this particular culture
that is so highly stressful

1113
00:55:34.164 --> 00:55:36.791
that it deranges the immune system.

1114
00:55:36.791 --> 00:55:41.254
If you look at the asthmatic
Afro-American woman,

1115
00:55:41.254 --> 00:55:46.217
is that asthma a manifestation
of her own pathology?

1116
00:55:47.969 --> 00:55:50.472
Or is it reflecting a social malaise?

1117
00:55:51.514 --> 00:55:54.976
Which means the emotion,
whatever you've experienced,

1118
00:55:54.976 --> 00:55:57.729
probably suppressed rage or shame,

1119
00:55:57.729 --> 00:55:59.606
whatever you experience,

1120
00:55:59.606 --> 00:56:02.567
actually affects the
physiology of your lungs.

1121
00:56:03.651 --> 00:56:05.653
Medicine is very interesting that way.

1122
00:56:05.653 --> 00:56:08.323
If you go to a dermatologist
with an inflamed skin,

1123
00:56:08.323 --> 00:56:09.449
what kind of cream are
they going to give you?

1124
00:56:09.449 --> 00:56:10.992
Anybody know?

1125
00:56:10.992 --> 00:56:12.660
Steroid cream, right.

1126
00:56:12.660 --> 00:56:15.705
If you go to a rheumatologist
with an inflamed joint,

1127
00:56:15.705 --> 00:56:18.124
what medication are
they going to give you?

1128
00:56:18.124 --> 00:56:20.043
Steroids very often.

1129
00:56:20.043 --> 00:56:23.713
If you go to a lung
specialist with asthma,

1130
00:56:23.713 --> 00:56:25.632
what kind of inhaler are you going to get?

1131
00:56:25.632 --> 00:56:26.549
Steroid.

1132
00:56:26.549 --> 00:56:28.009
If you go to a gastroenterologist

1133
00:56:28.009 --> 00:56:29.761
with an inflamed intestines,

1134
00:56:29.761 --> 00:56:31.554
what kind of medication are you gonna get?

1135
00:56:31.554 --> 00:56:32.347
Steroids.

1136
00:56:32.347 --> 00:56:34.391
Now, what are steroids?

1137
00:56:34.391 --> 00:56:36.017
They're copies of cortisol.

1138
00:56:36.017 --> 00:56:36.893
What is cortisol?

1139
00:56:38.144 --> 00:56:40.063
The stress hormone.

1140
00:56:40.063 --> 00:56:42.399
We're treating everything
with stress hormones.

1141
00:56:43.566 --> 00:56:45.318
Maybe it should occur to us

1142
00:56:45.318 --> 00:56:46.403
that stress has something to do

1143
00:56:46.403 --> 00:56:48.238
with the onset of these conditions.

1144
00:56:49.948 --> 00:56:52.367
The fundamental problem is capitalism,

1145
00:56:52.367 --> 00:56:53.743
or I should say materialism.

1146
00:56:53.743 --> 00:56:56.037
As long as the research
is driven by the profits

1147
00:56:56.037 --> 00:56:57.539
of pharmaceutical companies,

1148
00:56:57.539 --> 00:56:59.666
what's going to drive the
education of physicians

1149
00:56:59.666 --> 00:57:02.544
except the profit motive of
pharmaceutical companies?

1150
00:57:02.544 --> 00:57:03.837
I mean, it's just obvious.

1151
00:57:06.756 --> 00:57:09.467
People have to be seen as automatons,

1152
00:57:09.467 --> 00:57:12.512
as beings without really emotional needs

1153
00:57:12.512 --> 00:57:13.763
or spiritual needs.

1154
00:57:14.764 --> 00:57:18.309
As globalization and
globalized materialism

1155
00:57:18.309 --> 00:57:20.353
spreads throughout the world,

1156
00:57:20.353 --> 00:57:21.813
so there's auto immune disease

1157
00:57:21.813 --> 00:57:23.314
spreading throughout the world

1158
00:57:23.314 --> 00:57:26.151
in societies that hardly
even knew them before.

1159
00:57:26.151 --> 00:57:29.279
Diseases, whether mental or physical,

1160
00:57:29.279 --> 00:57:33.575
are normal responses to
abnormal circumstances,

1161
00:57:33.575 --> 00:57:35.201
and what would be considered normal

1162
00:57:35.201 --> 00:57:37.704
in this society is often actually insane.

1163
00:57:39.038 --> 00:57:42.000
In the most health obsessed
humans society ever,

1164
00:57:42.000 --> 00:57:43.793
all is not well.

1165
00:57:43.793 --> 00:57:46.713
In the US, the richest society in history,

1166
00:57:46.713 --> 00:57:49.174
fully half of the citizens
have a chronic disorder

1167
00:57:49.174 --> 00:57:51.384
such as high blood pressure or diabetes.

1168
00:57:52.594 --> 00:57:55.930
Illness is when part of an organism,

1169
00:57:55.930 --> 00:57:59.100
starts working against the overall benefit

1170
00:57:59.100 --> 00:58:00.435
of the organism.

1171
00:58:00.435 --> 00:58:02.353
So that say, in an autoimmune disease,

1172
00:58:02.353 --> 00:58:05.398
the immune system attacks
the host organism.

1173
00:58:05.398 --> 00:58:08.985
So a system that was designed
by nature to protect you

1174
00:58:08.985 --> 00:58:10.236
now it turns against you.

1175
00:58:11.279 --> 00:58:15.783
Cell division, which is
meant to be coordination

1176
00:58:15.783 --> 00:58:16.910
with the needs of the entire organism,

1177
00:58:16.910 --> 00:58:19.078
gets out of hand and
now you've got cancer.

1178
00:58:23.750 --> 00:58:25.335
The search is always to find out

1179
00:58:25.335 --> 00:58:27.378
what's wrong with the individual cell,

1180
00:58:27.378 --> 00:58:30.423
or how do you kill the abnormal cells?

1181
00:58:30.423 --> 00:58:33.927
So the treatment is restricted
to the biological plane.

1182
00:58:33.927 --> 00:58:37.972
We either cut it out or we
poison it or we burn it.

1183
00:58:37.972 --> 00:58:39.933
That's our approach to treating cancer.

1184
00:58:41.100 --> 00:58:45.063
Most chronic illness is a
way of the body saying no

1185
00:58:45.063 --> 00:58:47.440
when the person suppress their no's

1186
00:58:47.440 --> 00:58:49.067
in order to fit in.

1187
00:58:49.984 --> 00:58:52.820
I'm saying that when
the illness comes along,

1188
00:58:52.820 --> 00:58:55.490
we can just look upon it
as a nuisance to get rid of

1189
00:58:55.490 --> 00:58:57.283
and an enemy to fight,

1190
00:58:58.785 --> 00:59:02.330
or we can say, okay, well, it's here now.

1191
00:59:02.330 --> 00:59:03.331
What's the teaching?

1192
00:59:04.541 --> 00:59:06.626
Which it doesn't mean that
we don't accept treatment

1193
00:59:06.626 --> 00:59:10.588
or we don't do our best to heal,

1194
00:59:10.588 --> 00:59:13.007
but that, as part of that healing process,

1195
00:59:13.007 --> 00:59:14.634
we actually ask ourselves

1196
00:59:14.634 --> 00:59:18.304
what does this mean about
my life and my relationships

1197
00:59:18.304 --> 00:59:21.015
and particularly about how I treat myself?

1198
00:59:21.015 --> 00:59:22.058
What is the teaching?

1199
00:59:28.064 --> 00:59:29.607
- My name is Tim.

1200
00:59:29.607 --> 00:59:31.818
I'm 51-years-old.

1201
00:59:31.818 --> 00:59:35.280
I was given a diagnosis of prostate cancer

1202
00:59:35.280 --> 00:59:37.031
about a year and a half ago.

1203
00:59:38.324 --> 00:59:42.453
I actually had a full,
radical prostatectomy,

1204
00:59:42.453 --> 00:59:44.914
so that means the whole
removal of my prostate

1205
00:59:44.914 --> 00:59:47.500
which was no walk in the park.

1206
00:59:47.500 --> 00:59:50.503
It's quite a, quite an extensive surgery.

1207
00:59:51.879 --> 00:59:53.673
In October they did a bone scan

1208
00:59:53.673 --> 00:59:56.384
and found that there was multiple areas

1209
00:59:56.384 --> 01:00:00.638
in my spine, ribs and some pelvis

1210
01:00:00.638 --> 01:00:04.642
that the cancer had metastasized to,

1211
01:00:04.642 --> 01:00:07.478
which was devastating to me at the time.

1212
01:00:07.478 --> 01:00:09.606
There was no need for me
to have the operation.

1213
01:00:09.606 --> 01:00:11.441
If someone has prostate cancer

1214
01:00:12.650 --> 01:00:14.986
and they have the prostate removed

1215
01:00:14.986 --> 01:00:16.404
but the cancer is still in their body,

1216
01:00:16.404 --> 01:00:19.324
then the surgery hasn't done any good.

1217
01:00:27.832 --> 01:00:31.753
There was no root cause
analysis of why I got it.

1218
01:00:32.837 --> 01:00:36.215
What I soon discovered was
that everything was a band-aid.

1219
01:00:38.801 --> 01:00:41.346
- The average general practitioner

1220
01:00:41.346 --> 01:00:43.848
under the insurance programs

1221
01:00:43.848 --> 01:00:46.809
gets to see a person for 6 minutes

1222
01:00:46.809 --> 01:00:49.103
and a psychiatrist gets to
see them for 10 minutes.

1223
01:00:49.103 --> 01:00:50.521
What can you do in 10 minutes?

1224
01:00:50.521 --> 01:00:52.023
You can adjust medications.

1225
01:00:54.150 --> 01:00:55.860
And the average psychiatrist today

1226
01:00:55.860 --> 01:00:57.904
is not trained in psychotherapy.

1227
01:00:57.904 --> 01:00:59.947
They are trained in what's
called biological psychiatry

1228
01:00:59.947 --> 01:01:01.949
which fundamentally means
altering the biology

1229
01:01:01.949 --> 01:01:04.952
of the brain by handing out prescriptions,

1230
01:01:04.952 --> 01:01:07.288
which never get to the
heart of the problem.

1231
01:01:07.288 --> 01:01:10.208
So while I'm not dogmatically
opposed to medications,

1232
01:01:10.208 --> 01:01:12.877
in the contrary, I acknowledge
their value in my own life,

1233
01:01:12.877 --> 01:01:15.338
they are not the answer.

1234
01:01:15.338 --> 01:01:17.006
And at the very best they should be only

1235
01:01:17.006 --> 01:01:19.634
as a stop gap measure until we get

1236
01:01:19.634 --> 01:01:21.052
to work on the real issues.

1237
01:01:23.888 --> 01:01:28.226
Why this disease, why in
this person and why now?

1238
01:01:28.226 --> 01:01:29.727
Unless I answer those questions,

1239
01:01:29.727 --> 01:01:31.354
unless I ask those questions,

1240
01:01:32.188 --> 01:01:33.773
we can't talk about wholeness.

1241
01:01:34.607 --> 01:01:37.068
We can't talk about healing
in the deepest sense.

1242
01:01:41.531 --> 01:01:46.536
- I grew up in a family with
a father who was very angry

1243
01:01:46.703 --> 01:01:49.497
and never even realized it because for me

1244
01:01:49.497 --> 01:01:51.666
it was just natural and normal.

1245
01:01:51.666 --> 01:01:54.001
As a kid I didn't know any different,

1246
01:01:54.001 --> 01:01:56.295
and I was very scared.

1247
01:01:57.463 --> 01:02:02.218
Anytime I acted out in
anger, it always backfired,

1248
01:02:02.218 --> 01:02:04.053
so I could never express that anger.

1249
01:02:07.056 --> 01:02:10.893
So I decided to go more on
a healing journey myself

1250
01:02:10.893 --> 01:02:13.855
and try to find out what could I do myself

1251
01:02:14.939 --> 01:02:17.108
to be able to maybe cure this thing,

1252
01:02:17.108 --> 01:02:19.944
or at least live longer, feel better

1253
01:02:21.070 --> 01:02:24.574
and address it at many different levels.

1254
01:02:24.574 --> 01:02:26.200
So I turned to ayahuasca

1255
01:02:28.703 --> 01:02:30.496
mainly because of the anxiety

1256
01:02:30.496 --> 01:02:34.375
and realizing like what's
a deeper spiritual reason

1257
01:02:34.375 --> 01:02:36.711
that I got this diagnosis?

1258
01:02:36.711 --> 01:02:39.756
Why did I get this cancer?

1259
01:02:39.756 --> 01:02:42.925
I got more out of ayahuasca in one journey

1260
01:02:42.925 --> 01:02:46.679
than I probably did in five
years of psychoanalysis.

1261
01:02:47.597 --> 01:02:50.349
(birds chirping)

1262
01:02:55.021 --> 01:02:57.440
- What I know about ayahuasca

1263
01:02:57.440 --> 01:02:59.233
in the healing of addiction,

1264
01:02:59.233 --> 01:03:02.195
ayahuasca being an Amazonian brew

1265
01:03:02.195 --> 01:03:04.572
which has got psychedelic qualities.

1266
01:03:05.656 --> 01:03:09.202
It can induce visions
and deep experiences.

1267
01:03:09.202 --> 01:03:13.539
(woman singing in foreign language)

1268
01:03:16.459 --> 01:03:19.253
So there was a ceremony here
led by a Peruvian shaman

1269
01:03:19.253 --> 01:03:23.132
and within half an hour of
having ingested the brew,

1270
01:03:23.132 --> 01:03:26.511
it felt very much real,
it felt very much like me,

1271
01:03:26.511 --> 01:03:30.890
but it was new because I
experienced a state of, um,

1272
01:03:31.974 --> 01:03:35.311
such deep love and gratitude such as

1273
01:03:35.311 --> 01:03:37.480
I have not recalled experiencing before.

1274
01:03:38.439 --> 01:03:42.527
And I saw that my own addictive behaviors

1275
01:03:43.444 --> 01:03:46.072
were driven precisely
because I hadn't been able to

1276
01:03:46.072 --> 01:03:48.741
experience that kind of love
and that kind of gratitude.

1277
01:03:49.700 --> 01:03:52.119
From that state, there's no need to look

1278
01:03:52.119 --> 01:03:54.789
for anything else outside of yourself.

1279
01:03:54.789 --> 01:03:57.542
And I also learned very shortly

1280
01:03:57.542 --> 01:04:01.128
that the ayahuasca has
the power to teach people

1281
01:04:01.128 --> 01:04:03.005
about their trauma,

1282
01:04:03.005 --> 01:04:05.007
to actually show them
what happened to them.

1283
01:04:05.007 --> 01:04:08.302
All of a sudden, oh yes,
this is what happened.

1284
01:04:08.302 --> 01:04:11.389
This is why I decided
that life is unbearable.

1285
01:04:11.389 --> 01:04:13.683
This is why I decided
that I wasn't lovable.

1286
01:04:13.683 --> 01:04:17.103
This is why I decided that
I had to soothe myself

1287
01:04:17.103 --> 01:04:19.981
from the outside because
there was no peace inside,

1288
01:04:19.981 --> 01:04:22.525
and immediately I sat down
and I worked with this.

1289
01:04:25.862 --> 01:04:27.405
And once you start working
with one psychedelic

1290
01:04:27.405 --> 01:04:29.782
then you become aware that
there's a whole world out there

1291
01:04:29.782 --> 01:04:31.117
and there's a whole resurgence now

1292
01:04:31.117 --> 01:04:35.663
in the healing powers of
psychedelic modalities,

1293
01:04:35.663 --> 01:04:37.623
and so there are other substances.

1294
01:04:41.168 --> 01:04:44.505
The deep therapeutic
potential of psychedelics

1295
01:04:45.423 --> 01:04:48.426
resides in the fact that they get

1296
01:04:48.426 --> 01:04:49.844
the conditioned mind out of the way.

1297
01:04:50.970 --> 01:04:55.474
So people have access to
two aspects of reality

1298
01:04:55.474 --> 01:04:57.643
that they're usually not in touch with.

1299
01:04:57.643 --> 01:04:59.937
One is the deep trauma and
pain that they're carrying

1300
01:04:59.937 --> 01:05:02.273
that they can actually look at now,

1301
01:05:02.273 --> 01:05:06.485
and in an appropriate,
compassionate, safe context

1302
01:05:06.485 --> 01:05:09.947
they can experience
these troubled emotions

1303
01:05:09.947 --> 01:05:13.743
and mind states without having to

1304
01:05:13.743 --> 01:05:17.496
be driven into insanity
or having to escape.

1305
01:05:18.623 --> 01:05:20.333
If you're going to use psychedelics,

1306
01:05:20.333 --> 01:05:22.501
it has to be combined with

1307
01:05:22.501 --> 01:05:25.129
very adept therapy at the same time.

1308
01:05:29.508 --> 01:05:32.094
So in my work with Tim tomorrow,

1309
01:05:32.094 --> 01:05:35.056
we'll be using one of these modalities

1310
01:05:35.056 --> 01:05:38.768
to see if he can be
guided deep into himself

1311
01:05:38.768 --> 01:05:40.353
so that some answers may emerge

1312
01:05:40.353 --> 01:05:43.397
for the existential and life
issues that he's facing.

1313
01:05:45.274 --> 01:05:47.526
(knocking)

1314
01:05:53.616 --> 01:05:54.825
Hey, Tim.
- Hi, Gabor.

1315
01:05:54.825 --> 01:05:55.660
- Come on in.

1316
01:05:57.411 --> 01:05:58.955
How are you?
- Good, thank you.

1317
01:05:58.955 --> 01:06:00.623
- You're all set?
- Yeah, I'm all set.

1318
01:06:00.623 --> 01:06:01.540
- Okay, come on in.

1319
01:06:04.877 --> 01:06:07.380
The medication will
take about half an hour

1320
01:06:07.380 --> 01:06:08.214
to take effect.

1321
01:06:09.256 --> 01:06:11.300
When you're ready, just ingest it.

1322
01:06:13.094 --> 01:06:16.430
You've been diagnosed
with prostate cancer.

1323
01:06:16.430 --> 01:06:17.264
- [Tim] Correct.

1324
01:06:17.264 --> 01:06:18.349
- [Gabor] And stage four
means that it's spread

1325
01:06:18.349 --> 01:06:19.684
to elsewhere in the body?

1326
01:06:19.684 --> 01:06:23.187
- Yes, it spread to bone.

1327
01:06:23.187 --> 01:06:27.566
Places in my spine, pelvis and ribs.

1328
01:06:28.567 --> 01:06:31.153
- In my view of people that develop cancer

1329
01:06:31.153 --> 01:06:33.823
tend to be nice people
who are more concerned

1330
01:06:33.823 --> 01:06:36.909
with the emotional needs
of others than their own.

1331
01:06:36.909 --> 01:06:39.370
They have a hard time
expressing healthy anger.

1332
01:06:39.370 --> 01:06:40.913
And also they have this belief

1333
01:06:40.913 --> 01:06:43.290
that they must not disappoint anybody.

1334
01:06:43.290 --> 01:06:46.043
How do you feel when you perceive

1335
01:06:46.043 --> 01:06:49.255
that somebody is not seeing
you, is not listening to you?

1336
01:06:50.256 --> 01:06:54.176
- I felt very sad and probably a bit of

1337
01:06:54.176 --> 01:06:56.929
a tinge of anger there too, as well.

1338
01:06:56.929 --> 01:06:57.763
Yeah.

1339
01:06:57.763 --> 01:06:59.557
- [Gabor] So how about
if we rephrase that?

1340
01:06:59.557 --> 01:07:00.391
(Tim chuckles)

1341
01:07:00.391 --> 01:07:01.809
- Aha, anger.

1342
01:07:01.809 --> 01:07:03.936
Yeah, yeah, I felt anger.

1343
01:07:03.936 --> 01:07:05.021
- [Gabor] What do you feel in your body

1344
01:07:05.021 --> 01:07:05.855
when you say those things?

1345
01:07:05.855 --> 01:07:06.939
Just check in with your body.

1346
01:07:06.939 --> 01:07:07.898
What's happening there?

1347
01:07:07.898 --> 01:07:10.151
- I feel a little bit energized from it,

1348
01:07:10.151 --> 01:07:11.777
just to saying it, yeah.

1349
01:07:11.777 --> 01:07:12.653
Absolutely.

1350
01:07:12.653 --> 01:07:13.904
I feel a little bit more awake.

1351
01:07:13.904 --> 01:07:16.282
- So notice how you
deprive yourself of energy.

1352
01:07:16.282 --> 01:07:17.450
- [Tim] Mm-hm.

1353
01:07:18.617 --> 01:07:19.869
- [Gabor] Okay.

1354
01:07:22.204 --> 01:07:23.956
- That makes me just really sad

1355
01:07:23.956 --> 01:07:25.207
just thinking about that.

1356
01:07:27.001 --> 01:07:30.337
(soft orchestral music)

1357
01:07:39.305 --> 01:07:41.474
Man it feels good to feel.

1358
01:07:42.600 --> 01:07:44.101
But underneath that I just...

1359
01:07:45.519 --> 01:07:46.896
Feeling this frustration.

1360
01:07:48.022 --> 01:07:50.024
Fuck, it's too much energy that

1361
01:07:50.024 --> 01:07:52.526
I've been holding on to contain that.

1362
01:07:52.526 --> 01:07:53.861
Like I'm pissed off

1363
01:07:53.861 --> 01:07:57.448
that I have to keep fucking
focusing on all this shit,

1364
01:07:57.448 --> 01:07:58.699
working on myself.

1365
01:08:00.451 --> 01:08:02.787
(Tim sighs)

1366
01:08:05.456 --> 01:08:06.665
I'm fucking tired of it.

1367
01:08:09.460 --> 01:08:13.214
- So what is the thing that
you need to keep your mind off?

1368
01:08:15.466 --> 01:08:17.635
By trying to figure everything out?

1369
01:08:19.011 --> 01:08:22.556
- This little boy that
just wants to be loved

1370
01:08:23.891 --> 01:08:26.644
and accepted unconditionally...

1371
01:08:28.687 --> 01:08:29.522
He wasn't.

1372
01:08:31.232 --> 01:08:34.819
And so he's had to figure
out how to be accepted

1373
01:08:35.861 --> 01:08:38.114
and loved by others,

1374
01:08:38.114 --> 01:08:39.573
and even my internal judge.

1375
01:08:43.410 --> 01:08:46.497
It was rough when I was angry.

1376
01:08:47.706 --> 01:08:51.043
(soft orchestral music)

1377
01:08:54.547 --> 01:08:56.006
- You can stop all this work,

1378
01:08:57.424 --> 01:09:00.094
just actually, just be
here and whatever there is.

1379
01:09:06.475 --> 01:09:09.103
See, as long as you don't
allow the fear to be there,

1380
01:09:09.103 --> 01:09:11.355
you're going to be always
working to get rid of it.

1381
01:09:14.233 --> 01:09:16.360
That's what the work is all about,

1382
01:09:16.360 --> 01:09:17.903
all the work that you're doing.

1383
01:09:19.613 --> 01:09:21.198
And then you're gonna keep working

1384
01:09:21.198 --> 01:09:24.285
to make yourself
acceptable and always nice

1385
01:09:24.285 --> 01:09:26.203
and dutiful and all that.

1386
01:09:30.457 --> 01:09:33.794
Or you could say, okay, the fear is there.

1387
01:09:33.794 --> 01:09:35.004
I'll let it be there.

1388
01:09:36.088 --> 01:09:37.089
I'm big enough to...

1389
01:09:37.089 --> 01:09:39.300
There's enough space here for it to,

1390
01:09:41.760 --> 01:09:43.345
to be a part of me.

1391
01:09:46.432 --> 01:09:48.934
- It just seems too easy.

1392
01:09:48.934 --> 01:09:51.228
- Yeah, it's gonna be a lot
more complicated than that.

1393
01:09:52.980 --> 01:09:55.900
(soft piano music)

1394
01:10:01.572 --> 01:10:05.576
I developed a method of
therapy or exploration

1395
01:10:05.576 --> 01:10:08.537
with people called compassionate inquiry.

1396
01:10:08.537 --> 01:10:11.832
The essence of which is the belief that

1397
01:10:11.832 --> 01:10:14.168
the truth is inside all of us,

1398
01:10:14.168 --> 01:10:16.253
we just have to ask the right questions

1399
01:10:16.253 --> 01:10:18.088
to help people arrive at the truth.

1400
01:10:18.088 --> 01:10:20.132
If that clenched jaw could speak,

1401
01:10:20.132 --> 01:10:21.258
what would it say now?

1402
01:10:27.348 --> 01:10:28.849
- I don't want this anymore.

1403
01:10:29.767 --> 01:10:30.935
- Okay.

1404
01:10:30.935 --> 01:10:33.771
What is the this that you don't want?

1405
01:10:35.231 --> 01:10:37.233
- That's what I don't know.

1406
01:10:37.233 --> 01:10:40.277
- Look, if you didn't
shut our mouth like this,

1407
01:10:40.277 --> 01:10:41.737
what is it that wants to come out

1408
01:10:41.737 --> 01:10:43.072
that we're not letting out?

1409
01:10:49.954 --> 01:10:50.996
- Rage.

1410
01:10:50.996 --> 01:10:53.707
- Yeah. That is the inquiry.

1411
01:10:53.707 --> 01:10:55.042
How do you feel about that?

1412
01:10:55.960 --> 01:10:58.671
- I think there's a few
feelings associated with that.

1413
01:11:02.675 --> 01:11:03.968
- I'm not buying that one.

1414
01:11:05.094 --> 01:11:06.845
How do you feel towards it?
How do you feel about that?

1415
01:11:06.845 --> 01:11:08.639
I'm a part of you. How
do you feel about that?

1416
01:11:08.639 --> 01:11:10.391
What comes up right now?
- Shame.

1417
01:11:10.391 --> 01:11:11.225
- Thank you.

1418
01:11:12.643 --> 01:11:15.145
What are you ashamed about? Do you know?

1419
01:11:15.145 --> 01:11:17.022
- [Man] That it is a weakness.

1420
01:11:17.022 --> 01:11:19.275
- And you must not be weak?

1421
01:11:19.275 --> 01:11:20.109
- Correct.

1422
01:11:21.110 --> 01:11:23.070
- Because if you're weak, then what?

1423
01:11:24.613 --> 01:11:27.074
- I won't to be able to
take care of those I love.

1424
01:11:28.200 --> 01:11:31.287
- So you locate it and it's
here in the chest area.

1425
01:11:31.287 --> 01:11:33.122
Just put your attention on it right now.

1426
01:11:33.122 --> 01:11:35.374
I mean, we're looking at this blockage

1427
01:11:35.374 --> 01:11:37.167
or sense of blockage, okay?

1428
01:11:37.167 --> 01:11:38.752
What does it want to say to you?

1429
01:11:40.129 --> 01:11:42.214
- It's not a word. It's soothing.

1430
01:11:42.214 --> 01:11:43.465
- It's soothing?
- Yeah.

1431
01:11:44.508 --> 01:11:46.802
Desiring.
- That it's wanting soothing?

1432
01:11:46.802 --> 01:11:47.761
- Yeah.

1433
01:11:47.761 --> 01:11:50.222
- If you're in touch with this sense here

1434
01:11:51.056 --> 01:11:53.267
that you've just identified,

1435
01:11:53.267 --> 01:11:55.728
how familiar is it to you?
- Oh, very.

1436
01:11:55.728 --> 01:11:57.646
- How far does it go back?

1437
01:11:59.106 --> 01:12:02.651
- Seven. That's when I lost my mother.

1438
01:12:02.651 --> 01:12:04.903
But it was present before that.

1439
01:12:04.903 --> 01:12:05.738
- Okay.

1440
01:12:06.655 --> 01:12:08.532
- So what does it need from you?

1441
01:12:11.368 --> 01:12:12.369
- To be held.

1442
01:12:12.369 --> 01:12:13.412
- To be held?

1443
01:12:13.412 --> 01:12:14.246
- Yeah.

1444
01:12:14.246 --> 01:12:15.748
- Like your mother might've held you?

1445
01:12:15.748 --> 01:12:16.582
- Yeah.

1446
01:12:17.666 --> 01:12:22.296
- So when it arises,
my advice is don't try

1447
01:12:22.296 --> 01:12:25.174
and figure out how better to do your work

1448
01:12:25.174 --> 01:12:27.968
or how better to be
present or any of that,

1449
01:12:27.968 --> 01:12:30.262
or how will I fulfill my calling?

1450
01:12:30.262 --> 01:12:32.765
Your calling is really clear,

1451
01:12:32.765 --> 01:12:35.225
but this part of you guess what?

1452
01:12:35.225 --> 01:12:37.353
Needs to be here, heard and seen.

1453
01:12:37.353 --> 01:12:40.397
(laughing)

1454
01:12:40.397 --> 01:12:41.482
- [Woman] All righty.

1455
01:12:41.482 --> 01:12:42.566
- Okay?

1456
01:12:42.566 --> 01:12:43.400
Yeah?

1457
01:12:43.400 --> 01:12:44.526
- Mm-hm. That makes sense.

1458
01:12:45.444 --> 01:12:46.278
- That's good.

1459
01:12:47.529 --> 01:12:48.697
Any questions?

1460
01:12:49.948 --> 01:12:53.535
- I think I'm just supposed
to feel right now. (laughs)

1461
01:12:55.120 --> 01:12:55.954
- Well, that's good.

1462
01:12:55.954 --> 01:12:57.456
That means you're paying attention.

1463
01:12:58.749 --> 01:13:00.709
He called you something.

1464
01:13:00.709 --> 01:13:01.543
- [Woman] Monster.

1465
01:13:01.543 --> 01:13:02.336
- Oh yeah.

1466
01:13:02.336 --> 01:13:03.170
He called me monster.
- He called you monster?

1467
01:13:03.170 --> 01:13:04.463
- He's called me delusional.

1468
01:13:04.463 --> 01:13:06.673
- How do you feel when
he calls you a monster?

1469
01:13:06.673 --> 01:13:08.717
- I mean, I feel hurt.

1470
01:13:08.717 --> 01:13:10.260
I feel angry.

1471
01:13:10.260 --> 01:13:11.345
- Okay.

1472
01:13:11.345 --> 01:13:15.641
So what if I said to you,
you got beautiful green hair.

1473
01:13:15.641 --> 01:13:16.558
(woman laughs)

1474
01:13:16.558 --> 01:13:18.060
How would you feel about that?

1475
01:13:19.478 --> 01:13:21.855
- I'd laugh, I wouldn't-
- Why would you laugh?

1476
01:13:23.232 --> 01:13:24.983
- 'Cause I knew my hair is not green.

1477
01:13:24.983 --> 01:13:26.276
- Uh huh.

1478
01:13:26.276 --> 01:13:27.903
What if I say you were a monster?

1479
01:13:32.783 --> 01:13:35.828
- The feeling of the anxiety was so strong

1480
01:13:36.870 --> 01:13:40.207
that I wanted to end it.

1481
01:13:40.207 --> 01:13:42.126
- Anything familiar about any of that?

1482
01:13:44.002 --> 01:13:47.131
- Are you trying to go
back to childhood trauma?

1483
01:13:47.131 --> 01:13:49.967
(audience laughs)

1484
01:13:51.802 --> 01:13:55.180
- Who, me?
(audience laughs)

1485
01:13:56.140 --> 01:13:58.142
You see that you developed a belief

1486
01:13:58.142 --> 01:14:00.436
that I can't be touched,
nothing can touch me.

1487
01:14:02.604 --> 01:14:06.150
Guess what happens when you get sick?

1488
01:14:06.150 --> 01:14:06.984
- Mm-hm.

1489
01:14:07.985 --> 01:14:10.112
- [Gabor] That defense is now destroyed.

1490
01:14:11.613 --> 01:14:13.282
- Pow.

1491
01:14:13.282 --> 01:14:16.118
(audience laughs)

1492
01:14:17.870 --> 01:14:18.704
Wow.

1493
01:14:20.038 --> 01:14:22.499
- I ask people to tell
me some recent episode

1494
01:14:22.499 --> 01:14:24.960
when they're upset with
somebody in their lives,

1495
01:14:24.960 --> 01:14:26.587
and something that
they're open to sharing.

1496
01:14:26.587 --> 01:14:28.464
So it doesn't have to be
anything sordid or anything

1497
01:14:28.464 --> 01:14:29.298
but just something, you know,

1498
01:14:29.298 --> 01:14:31.383
whether it's your spouse,
partner, the bus driver,

1499
01:14:31.383 --> 01:14:32.676
I don't care.
- Sure.

1500
01:14:32.676 --> 01:14:33.510
- A friend.

1501
01:14:33.510 --> 01:14:35.262
Okay, so what happened?
- You want me to describe it?

1502
01:14:35.262 --> 01:14:36.096
- What happened? Yeah.

1503
01:14:36.096 --> 01:14:39.808
- All right, there were a
number of issues in my home

1504
01:14:39.808 --> 01:14:43.437
and I had hired someone to do
these things while I was gone

1505
01:14:43.437 --> 01:14:45.147
and I came back and
none of them were fixed.

1506
01:14:45.147 --> 01:14:47.691
- Okay. And your emotional reaction was?

1507
01:14:47.691 --> 01:14:48.525
- Anger.

1508
01:14:48.525 --> 01:14:50.444
- Anything else besides anger?

1509
01:14:50.444 --> 01:14:54.072
- I was disappointed.

1510
01:14:54.072 --> 01:14:56.241
- [Gabor] Disappointed is sadness.

1511
01:14:56.241 --> 01:14:58.076
- Let's go with that.
- Okay.

1512
01:14:58.076 --> 01:14:59.536
So I'm going to ask you a silly question.

1513
01:14:59.536 --> 01:15:00.913
What were you sad and angry about?

1514
01:15:00.913 --> 01:15:05.459
- Well angry that someone
had made commitments to me

1515
01:15:05.459 --> 01:15:07.711
and not fulfilled those commitments.

1516
01:15:07.711 --> 01:15:09.505
- What does that mean that they didn't

1517
01:15:09.505 --> 01:15:11.215
fulfill their commitments?

1518
01:15:11.215 --> 01:15:16.220
- Uh, it meant that they
didn't care about me.

1519
01:15:17.596 --> 01:15:19.097
They didn't have that...

1520
01:15:19.097 --> 01:15:21.767
They disrespect me.
- So they didn't care

1521
01:15:21.767 --> 01:15:22.809
about you and didn't respect you.

1522
01:15:22.809 --> 01:15:25.896
What kind of person doesn't
get cared or respected?

1523
01:15:25.896 --> 01:15:26.730
- I don't know.

1524
01:15:26.730 --> 01:15:28.649
Someone who doesn't deserve
to be cared for or respected.

1525
01:15:28.649 --> 01:15:29.608
- Exactly.

1526
01:15:29.608 --> 01:15:31.693
Are there other reasons
why this other person

1527
01:15:31.693 --> 01:15:33.820
might not have done the
work that has nothing

1528
01:15:33.820 --> 01:15:37.491
to do with him or her not caring about Tim

1529
01:15:37.491 --> 01:15:38.534
or not respecting him?

1530
01:15:38.534 --> 01:15:40.035
So what other reasons might there be?

1531
01:15:40.035 --> 01:15:42.704
- Uh, he had a flight delay

1532
01:15:42.704 --> 01:15:44.915
and got caught on Puerto
Rico during a hurricane.

1533
01:15:44.915 --> 01:15:46.583
- Yeah, he's got ADHD.

1534
01:15:46.583 --> 01:15:47.417
- Yeah.

1535
01:15:48.293 --> 01:15:49.795
- And he can't follow through,

1536
01:15:50.671 --> 01:15:51.880
and any number of possibilities.

1537
01:15:51.880 --> 01:15:52.714
- Yeah.

1538
01:15:52.714 --> 01:15:54.383
- Now, of all the possibilities

1539
01:15:54.383 --> 01:15:56.343
that you've just outlined,

1540
01:15:56.343 --> 01:16:00.264
including that they don't
care about you or respect you,

1541
01:16:00.264 --> 01:16:02.099
which is the worst one?

1542
01:16:02.099 --> 01:16:04.685
- The one I immediately defaulted to.

1543
01:16:04.685 --> 01:16:06.478
- So let's notice something.

1544
01:16:06.478 --> 01:16:08.480
A, you, I should say we,

1545
01:16:08.480 --> 01:16:09.815
'cause we're all like this,

1546
01:16:09.815 --> 01:16:12.234
we don't respond to what happens.

1547
01:16:12.234 --> 01:16:14.152
We respond to our
perception of what happens.

1548
01:16:14.152 --> 01:16:15.654
- Right.
- Okay.

1549
01:16:15.654 --> 01:16:16.697
That's what the Buddha said.

1550
01:16:16.697 --> 01:16:18.782
It's with our minds we create the world.

1551
01:16:18.782 --> 01:16:21.285
Number two, of all the
possible interpretations,

1552
01:16:21.285 --> 01:16:22.536
we choose the worst one.

1553
01:16:22.536 --> 01:16:24.204
Thirdly, what I just said isn't true.

1554
01:16:24.204 --> 01:16:25.122
We didn't choose it.

1555
01:16:25.122 --> 01:16:27.916
It's not like you went through
all these possibilities

1556
01:16:27.916 --> 01:16:28.875
and you said-
- Was a multiple choice

1557
01:16:28.875 --> 01:16:30.544
and I chose option D.
- Oh no,

1558
01:16:30.544 --> 01:16:32.796
he doesn't care about me
and he doesn't respect me.

1559
01:16:32.796 --> 01:16:33.630
You didn't do that.

1560
01:16:33.630 --> 01:16:35.299
Your brain jumped there
automatically, right?

1561
01:16:35.299 --> 01:16:36.216
My question is why?

1562
01:16:37.384 --> 01:16:38.260
First time in your life

1563
01:16:38.260 --> 01:16:40.053
that you felt hurt and angry

1564
01:16:41.680 --> 01:16:42.973
when you perceived somebody
didn't care about you

1565
01:16:42.973 --> 01:16:44.057
and didn't respect you?

1566
01:16:44.933 --> 01:16:46.351
- It's not the first time.
- Very good.

1567
01:16:46.351 --> 01:16:49.896
And most people I talk
to, it goes back way back.

1568
01:16:49.896 --> 01:16:50.981
- Yeah. This goes way back.

1569
01:16:50.981 --> 01:16:51.815
- Into childhood.

1570
01:16:51.815 --> 01:16:52.858
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.

1571
01:16:53.692 --> 01:16:54.985
And that's what trauma is.

1572
01:16:56.069 --> 01:16:58.488
We don't respond to the present moment.

1573
01:16:58.488 --> 01:17:00.073
We respond to the past.

1574
01:17:00.073 --> 01:17:01.867
So who's the one that
doesn't care about you

1575
01:17:01.867 --> 01:17:03.035
and who's the one that doesn't think

1576
01:17:03.035 --> 01:17:04.953
you're worthy of respect?
- Oh, it'd be me.

1577
01:17:04.953 --> 01:17:05.787
- It would be you.
- Yeah.

1578
01:17:05.787 --> 01:17:06.955
- So that's the learning,

1579
01:17:06.955 --> 01:17:08.874
and that's the beauty of healing

1580
01:17:08.874 --> 01:17:11.168
is that when you reframe things

1581
01:17:11.168 --> 01:17:14.338
and you actually see the
source within ourselves,

1582
01:17:14.338 --> 01:17:16.256
all of a sudden that's liberating.

1583
01:17:16.256 --> 01:17:17.758
Because guess what?

1584
01:17:17.758 --> 01:17:19.926
If you're feeling that way
because this guy did this

1585
01:17:19.926 --> 01:17:22.596
or didn't do that, that
makes you a victim.

1586
01:17:22.596 --> 01:17:23.513
- Yeah.

1587
01:17:23.513 --> 01:17:26.058
- But if you see that you are the source,

1588
01:17:26.058 --> 01:17:27.059
now you're powerful.

1589
01:17:28.810 --> 01:17:31.229
(soft music)

1590
01:17:32.230 --> 01:17:36.777
Can you have a vision of
society that incorporates

1591
01:17:36.777 --> 01:17:40.614
the achievements of modern civilization

1592
01:17:40.614 --> 01:17:42.449
while at the same time still honors

1593
01:17:42.449 --> 01:17:44.576
the essence of human nature?

1594
01:17:44.576 --> 01:17:45.744
I think the answer is yes.

1595
01:17:45.744 --> 01:17:47.287
I know the answer is yes,

1596
01:17:47.287 --> 01:17:49.456
not that I expect to
see it in my lifetime.

1597
01:17:50.832 --> 01:17:53.710
We need trauma informed medical care,

1598
01:17:53.710 --> 01:17:56.088
trauma informed education

1599
01:17:56.088 --> 01:17:58.674
and trauma informed therapy.

1600
01:18:01.134 --> 01:18:05.097
- Everybody that has listened to a talk

1601
01:18:05.097 --> 01:18:07.766
or read his book always said to me

1602
01:18:09.184 --> 01:18:13.105
I don't feel like I'm
a bad person anymore.

1603
01:18:13.105 --> 01:18:16.566
I can see their heads higher.

1604
01:18:16.566 --> 01:18:18.485
Yeah, they're still using substances,

1605
01:18:18.485 --> 01:18:21.571
but something inside of
them is starting to change.

1606
01:18:21.571 --> 01:18:23.657
That's their shame is kind of dissipating.

1607
01:18:26.201 --> 01:18:30.122
- Without me stumbling
across his work, I tell you,

1608
01:18:30.122 --> 01:18:34.042
I tell you, I would've
been a different person.

1609
01:18:35.252 --> 01:18:36.753
Personal childhood trauma is key

1610
01:18:36.753 --> 01:18:38.213
because once you understand that,

1611
01:18:38.213 --> 01:18:40.215
know you were a child
and you didn't have help,

1612
01:18:40.215 --> 01:18:42.968
and if it's about love them
why are we locking them up?

1613
01:18:44.386 --> 01:18:47.597
- Underneath that traumatized persona,

1614
01:18:49.349 --> 01:18:51.101
there's the healthy individual

1615
01:18:51.101 --> 01:18:53.353
who has never found
expression in this life.

1616
01:18:53.353 --> 01:18:55.605
If you see that, then
you're trauma informed,

1617
01:18:57.065 --> 01:18:59.651
it's not a question of healing the trauma

1618
01:18:59.651 --> 01:19:03.488
or of ever getting rid of
the memory of what happened,

1619
01:19:03.488 --> 01:19:05.615
but to help that person expand

1620
01:19:05.615 --> 01:19:08.076
so that there's space
for all those emotions.

1621
01:19:09.619 --> 01:19:12.497
- Dr. Maté, he allowed me to feel

1622
01:19:12.497 --> 01:19:15.917
that what I was seeing
was a humanistic crisis.

1623
01:19:15.917 --> 01:19:19.963
It was a human not being identified

1624
01:19:19.963 --> 01:19:22.007
in the light in which they deserve to be.

1625
01:19:22.966 --> 01:19:27.596
We as caretakers in this world

1626
01:19:27.596 --> 01:19:31.308
need to see the human in
front of us, not the problem.

1627
01:19:31.308 --> 01:19:32.642
We still have each other's numbers.

1628
01:19:32.642 --> 01:19:33.852
You'll call me?
- Yeah, yeah.

1629
01:19:33.852 --> 01:19:34.686
- Okay.
- All right.

1630
01:19:34.686 --> 01:19:35.520
Good to see you, buddy.
- Good to see you.

1631
01:19:35.520 --> 01:19:37.230
I missed you.
- All right.

1632
01:19:37.230 --> 01:19:38.064
- Bye.

1633
01:19:39.566 --> 01:19:40.650
How have you been?

1634
01:19:40.650 --> 01:19:42.986
It cannot be a general construct

1635
01:19:42.986 --> 01:19:45.405
of this is how we're dealing
with people who are homeless,

1636
01:19:45.405 --> 01:19:47.240
this is how we're dealing with people

1637
01:19:47.240 --> 01:19:48.784
who are are addicted to drugs.

1638
01:19:48.784 --> 01:19:51.077
No, this is how we deal with Sarah,

1639
01:19:51.077 --> 01:19:52.662
this is how we deal with Jose.

1640
01:19:52.662 --> 01:19:54.623
This is how we are in relationship

1641
01:19:54.623 --> 01:19:57.709
to each and every person
experiencing trauma

1642
01:19:57.709 --> 01:19:58.919
within their lives.

1643
01:19:58.919 --> 01:20:03.799
That is what has been the
essence to his teaching for me.

1644
01:20:03.799 --> 01:20:05.217
Hi, who's this?

1645
01:20:05.217 --> 01:20:06.051
- Fang.

1646
01:20:06.051 --> 01:20:08.261
- [Romie] Hi Fang, how are you doing?

1647
01:20:08.261 --> 01:20:10.180
Fang, are you his little companion?

1648
01:20:13.642 --> 01:20:15.894
- When we start the journey
of being compassionate

1649
01:20:15.894 --> 01:20:19.064
with ourselves, not only
does it change ourselves,

1650
01:20:19.064 --> 01:20:21.817
it changes our communities
and our society.

1651
01:20:24.569 --> 01:20:26.446
- Today I'm still healing.

1652
01:20:26.446 --> 01:20:28.698
I'm still healing from
my abandonment issues.

1653
01:20:29.574 --> 01:20:31.451
I'm a lifer inmate.

1654
01:20:31.451 --> 01:20:34.037
Being here today, witnessing all you guys'

1655
01:20:34.037 --> 01:20:37.874
traumatic experiences gives me motivation,

1656
01:20:37.874 --> 01:20:39.626
gives me inspiration to continue on

1657
01:20:39.626 --> 01:20:41.169
the path that I'm currently on.

1658
01:20:43.839 --> 01:20:47.467
- Every human being has a
true, genuine, authentic self.

1659
01:20:48.760 --> 01:20:50.303
And that true, genuine authentic self

1660
01:20:51.304 --> 01:20:52.514
can never be destroyed.

1661
01:20:54.224 --> 01:20:56.268
- When people say you have
a second chance in life,

1662
01:20:56.268 --> 01:20:58.144
today I know what that means.

1663
01:20:58.144 --> 01:21:00.188
So I performed for the first time singing,

1664
01:21:00.188 --> 01:21:02.107
after not singing in 20 years.

1665
01:21:02.107 --> 01:21:04.568
So I performed in front
of over 400 people.

1666
01:21:04.568 --> 01:21:05.819
That was a dream come true,

1667
01:21:05.819 --> 01:21:08.488
and I was able to reunite with my mother.

1668
01:21:10.365 --> 01:21:12.409
When God blessed me with this son,

1669
01:21:12.409 --> 01:21:14.536
my four-year-old boy Douglas,

1670
01:21:14.536 --> 01:21:16.538
I made a promise to
myself and I said, listen,

1671
01:21:16.538 --> 01:21:17.831
I want to be a mom.

1672
01:21:17.831 --> 01:21:19.040
I want to be a good mom.

1673
01:21:20.458 --> 01:21:22.127
The baby's dad is also with me.

1674
01:21:23.253 --> 01:21:24.462
He's my babysitter.

1675
01:21:25.589 --> 01:21:28.091
(laughs)

1676
01:21:28.091 --> 01:21:32.262
- I've been clean for the
last 10 and a half months.

1677
01:21:32.262 --> 01:21:35.348
'Cause you did, you made
a difference in my life.

1678
01:21:35.348 --> 01:21:36.892
- Thank you for being in touch.

1679
01:21:41.897 --> 01:21:45.108
♪ Through the mist and the pain ♪

1680
01:21:45.108 --> 01:21:48.153
♪ I've learned to maintain ♪

1681
01:21:48.153 --> 01:21:52.157
♪ There is no shame ♪

1682
01:21:52.157 --> 01:21:55.160
♪ There is no shame ♪

1683
01:21:59.414 --> 01:22:02.250
(clapping)

1684
01:22:02.250 --> 01:22:04.669
(soft music)

1685
01:22:06.129 --> 01:22:11.134
- [Tim] I am happy to say now
that through my own healing,

1686
01:22:12.010 --> 01:22:14.888
after being off my medication
now for six months,

1687
01:22:16.181 --> 01:22:17.557
I've gone in remission.

1688
01:22:17.557 --> 01:22:20.894
The cancer is just not, is not growing.

1689
01:22:20.894 --> 01:22:23.313
This is the first time in four years

1690
01:22:23.313 --> 01:22:26.316
where this has happened, so
this is absolutely amazing.

1691
01:22:31.196 --> 01:22:34.407
- It's been spiritual work for us both

1692
01:22:34.407 --> 01:22:36.826
and I've grown up in the relationship.

1693
01:22:36.826 --> 01:22:38.203
I've healed in the relationship.

1694
01:22:38.203 --> 01:22:40.872
I'm still healing in the relationship.

1695
01:22:40.872 --> 01:22:43.416
To me this is an incredible love story.

1696
01:22:45.085 --> 01:22:48.088
It's really inspiring how he's changed.

1697
01:22:48.088 --> 01:22:50.799
So as we've gotten older,

1698
01:22:50.799 --> 01:22:54.719
somehow we've gotten freer and younger.

1699
01:22:54.719 --> 01:22:56.096
We just get closer and closer.

1700
01:22:56.096 --> 01:22:57.597
It gets better and better.

1701
01:22:59.182 --> 01:23:02.102
(soft piano music)

1702
01:23:14.072 --> 01:23:15.991
(soft orchestral music)

1703
01:23:15.991 --> 01:23:18.785
- It's a dynamic, emergent process

1704
01:23:18.785 --> 01:23:22.205
of confrontation with the truth
that solutions will arise.

1705
01:23:26.835 --> 01:23:29.713
Trauma involves a lifelong pushing down,

1706
01:23:29.713 --> 01:23:32.424
a tremendous expenditure of energy,

1707
01:23:32.424 --> 01:23:35.677
and to not feeling the pain.

1708
01:23:38.346 --> 01:23:42.559
As we heal, that same
energy is liberated for life

1709
01:23:42.559 --> 01:23:43.977
and for being in the present.

1710
01:23:45.603 --> 01:23:48.648
So the energy of trauma can be transformed

1711
01:23:48.648 --> 01:23:50.066
into the energy of life.

1712
01:23:54.487 --> 01:23:56.906
(soft music)

1713
01:23:58.742 --> 01:24:01.953
(baby giggles)

1714
01:24:01.953 --> 01:24:04.372
(soft music)

1715
01:24:10.295 --> 01:24:12.922
♪ You can see it in the cars ♪

1716
01:24:12.922 --> 01:24:15.300
♪ It's playing on the radio ♪

1717
01:24:15.300 --> 01:24:17.594
♪ It's written in the stars ♪

1718
01:24:17.594 --> 01:24:20.096
♪ And living in me ♪

1719
01:24:20.096 --> 01:24:22.599
♪ You can read it in the cards ♪

1720
01:24:22.599 --> 01:24:25.060
♪ And hear it in stereo ♪

1721
01:24:25.060 --> 01:24:27.437
♪ It's a bullet in your heart ♪

1722
01:24:27.437 --> 01:24:31.357
♪ And a trigger in me ♪

1723
01:24:31.357 --> 01:24:33.777
(soft music)

1724
01:24:39.991 --> 01:24:42.368
♪ You can see it in the young ♪

1725
01:24:42.368 --> 01:24:45.205
♪ They saw it on a video ♪

1726
01:24:45.205 --> 01:24:47.290
♪ Loaded like a gun ♪

1727
01:24:47.290 --> 01:24:49.793
♪ It's aiming at me ♪

1728
01:24:49.793 --> 01:24:52.420
♪ Everybody in the run ♪

1729
01:24:52.420 --> 01:24:54.756
♪ Talking on the telephone ♪

1730
01:24:54.756 --> 01:24:57.008
♪ Hurry up and have fun ♪

1731
01:24:57.008 --> 01:25:00.595
♪ 'Cause it's killing me ♪

1732
01:25:00.595 --> 01:25:04.974
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1733
01:25:04.974 --> 01:25:07.185
♪ They will find you ♪

1734
01:25:07.185 --> 01:25:10.355
♪ You'll let them in ♪

1735
01:25:10.355 --> 01:25:14.734
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1736
01:25:14.734 --> 01:25:17.070
♪ They will find you ♪

1737
01:25:17.070 --> 01:25:20.323
♪ Under your skin ♪

1738
01:25:20.323 --> 01:25:22.659
♪ The way that it's working ♪

1739
01:25:22.659 --> 01:25:25.078
♪ You know it's not working ♪

1740
01:25:25.078 --> 01:25:27.622
♪ The way things are going ♪

1741
01:25:27.622 --> 01:25:30.083
♪ Where are we going ♪

1742
01:25:30.083 --> 01:25:32.502
♪ What does it matter ♪

1743
01:25:32.502 --> 01:25:34.963
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1744
01:25:34.963 --> 01:25:37.465
♪ When it's all over ♪

1745
01:25:37.465 --> 01:25:42.470
♪ Nothing is over ♪

1746
01:25:42.846 --> 01:25:47.642
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

1747
01:25:47.642 --> 01:25:52.522
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

1748
01:25:52.522 --> 01:25:57.443
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

1749
01:25:57.443 --> 01:26:01.447
♪ Ooh ooh ♪

1750
01:26:01.447 --> 01:26:04.284
♪ It's a devil in disguise ♪

1751
01:26:04.284 --> 01:26:06.494
♪ hidden in the media ♪

1752
01:26:06.494 --> 01:26:08.955
♪ It's a hunger in your eyes ♪

1753
01:26:08.955 --> 01:26:11.291
♪ It's feeding on me ♪

1754
01:26:11.291 --> 01:26:14.127
♪ Everybody with their lives ♪

1755
01:26:14.127 --> 01:26:16.337
♪ Coming from the satellite ♪

1756
01:26:16.337 --> 01:26:18.715
♪ I'm walking on a wire ♪

1757
01:26:18.715 --> 01:26:22.051
♪ They keep following me ♪

1758
01:26:22.051 --> 01:26:26.556
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1759
01:26:26.556 --> 01:26:28.766
♪ They will find you ♪

1760
01:26:28.766 --> 01:26:31.978
♪ You'll let them in ♪

1761
01:26:31.978 --> 01:26:36.441
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1762
01:26:36.441 --> 01:26:38.735
♪ They will bind you ♪

1763
01:26:38.735 --> 01:26:41.863
♪ Under your skin ♪

1764
01:26:41.863 --> 01:26:44.199
♪ But the way that's it working ♪

1765
01:26:44.199 --> 01:26:46.784
♪ You know it's not working ♪

1766
01:26:46.784 --> 01:26:49.370
♪ The way things are going ♪

1767
01:26:49.370 --> 01:26:51.831
♪ Where are we going ♪

1768
01:26:51.831 --> 01:26:54.083
♪ What does it matter ♪

1769
01:26:54.083 --> 01:26:56.753
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1770
01:26:56.753 --> 01:26:59.172
♪ When it's all over ♪

1771
01:26:59.172 --> 01:27:01.716
♪ Nothing is over ♪

1772
01:27:01.716 --> 01:27:03.968
♪ The way that it's working ♪

1773
01:27:03.968 --> 01:27:06.554
♪ You know it's not working ♪

1774
01:27:06.554 --> 01:27:09.057
♪ The way things are going ♪

1775
01:27:09.057 --> 01:27:11.601
♪ Where are we going ♪

1776
01:27:11.601 --> 01:27:13.811
♪ What does it matter ♪

1777
01:27:13.811 --> 01:27:16.481
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1778
01:27:16.481 --> 01:27:19.025
♪ When it's all over ♪

1779
01:27:19.025 --> 01:27:21.861
♪ Nothing is over ♪

1780
01:27:24.614 --> 01:27:27.575
(soft music)

1781
01:27:27.575 --> 01:27:32.580
♪ What does it matter ♪

1782
01:27:32.580 --> 01:27:35.917
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1783
01:27:37.835 --> 01:27:40.255
(soft music)

1784
01:27:42.590 --> 01:27:45.927
♪ It's mind over matter ♪