1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:08,676 [sighs] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:11,053 [organ music plays] 5 00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:12,721 Oh, no. 6 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,018 Oh, this is not it. 7 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,228 [sighs] 8 00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:22,815 All right, time for plan B. 9 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,275 [phone notification] 10 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:29,362 All right, boys. Let's get this place set up. 11 00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:32,700 [Latin hip-hop plays] 12 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,278 [cheering] 13 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:59,078 Sheila Mother-fing E. 14 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,456 Thank you, ladies. 15 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,168 Okay, everybody, settle down. Settle down. 16 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:11,966 Welcome. We're gathered here today to lay 2021 to rest. 17 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,175 Yes! 18 00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:14,759 And I'll be honest, guys, 19 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,387 I started out this year feeling very hopeful. 20 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:18,848 I had a whole vision board party. 21 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,933 I had on there that Drake would finally answer my DMs. 22 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,185 Yes! 23 00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:26,771 2021, you literally had one job: 24 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,274 don't be 2020. 25 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,650 Yes! 26 00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:32,902 But in the end, 2021 was less of a new year 27 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,865 and more of a 2020 variant. 28 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,490 But we're not here to mourn. 29 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:41,579 Because I am declaring that this right here, this, 30 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,038 is a celebration. 31 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,873 - Woo! - [cheering] 32 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,250 Woo! 33 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:48,085 Megan, hey, so, we talked about this. 34 00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:49,377 - Can you... [clicks tongue] - Oh. 35 00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:50,753 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. 36 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:53,299 I was, oh! Sat on my purse. 37 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,800 [laughing] 38 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:55,800 Scoot over, dude. 39 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,012 Where was I? 40 00:02:58,052 --> 00:03:02,056 Yes, outside, things were starting to slowly open up. 41 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,268 And then bam, we got hit with the Delta variant. 42 00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:06,562 And I was like, oh my God, what's next? 43 00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,104 The AKA variant? 44 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,647 I've seen "Stomp the Yard," okay? 45 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,901 [cheering] 46 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,655 White people, I am referring to a movie about 47 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,073 a historically Black college. 48 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:21,242 Also, two historically Black sororities. 49 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,370 We see you, Kamala Harris. 50 00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,163 [cheering] 51 00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:27,290 2021, you were quite a year. 52 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:30,627 You know, one day, we were doing crossword puzzles, 53 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:33,546 listening to meditation apps and teaching ourselves 54 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,299 how to convert a closet into an office by 55 00:03:35,341 --> 00:03:37,550 following along on a TikTok video. 56 00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,010 That was very informational. 57 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,680 Then suddenly, y'all, game changer. 58 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,515 The vaccine was available and we all got vaccinated 59 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,143 and the pandemic ended! 60 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:49,187 [laughing] 61 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:52,066 It's so funny because it's not true! 62 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,985 But this year, we never quite actually knew where we stood 63 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,361 with the pandemic. 64 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,155 2021 played with my emotions so much, 65 00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,282 I thought we were dating. 66 00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:02,533 'Cause at first we was cool, like, oh my gosh, 67 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,828 you do like me, stop. 68 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:08,414 And then it was like, wait, you don't want to put a label on it. 69 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:09,582 What do you mean we're just friends? 70 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,169 Like, am I ever going to get a ring? 71 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:16,548 I'm asking so many questions. 72 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,175 Is this why I'm still single? 73 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,470 Because one thing I am ready to leave behind 74 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,598 in 2021 is being single, 75 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:25,723 because look at me! 76 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,310 [cheering] 77 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,649 What a girl got to do to get a date? 78 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,360 Okay? 79 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,529 Hey, Drake if you're listening, I am great with kids. 80 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,074 Somebody toss me a baby, come on, quick. 81 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,581 But at the end of the day, okay, at the end of the day, 82 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,290 2021 was not a total bust. 83 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:55,086 So tonight, I have gathered some of the funniest women 84 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:59,132 to help me celebrate 2021 for all that it gave, 85 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,343 for all that it tried to give, 86 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:02,720 and for all that it would have given 87 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,221 if everybody just got vaccinated. 88 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,473 By saying our goodbyes to it. 89 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:10,685 So to start things off for us, here is the one, the only, 90 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,396 Chelsea Peretti. 91 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,480 [cheering] 92 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,906 Thank you, Yvonne. 93 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,119 Dearly beloved gathered mourners of so many 94 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,329 different important topics, 95 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:32,707 tonight I'm here to say goodbye to a very special 96 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,877 proprietary video conferencing software program 97 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,255 whose name incidentally rhymes with tomb. 98 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,298 Womb? 99 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,800 That's right, gang. Zoom. 100 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,261 Oh, yeah. 101 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,887 The best part about Zoom was 102 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:49,932 it gave us the opportunity to work no matter what. 103 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,060 It allowed us to work when we were sick. 104 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,728 - Mm-hmm. - Right. 105 00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,980 Distraught. When our children were in grave danger, 106 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,649 we could still work. 107 00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,901 Thanks for that, Zoom. 108 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,283 [sobs] 109 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,617 Thank you. 110 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:13,831 Zoom, because of you no longer were our homes 111 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,459 a little safe zone we could return to 112 00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:17,877 after a long day at the office. 113 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,463 It was just all one big office. 114 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:24,134 Zoom, you gifted us tropical beach backgrounds 115 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,221 that covered up our putrid piles of laundry. 116 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,680 Mm-hmm. 117 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,600 Graciously masking our unsustainable lifestyles 118 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,853 so we could continue to be efficient cogs 119 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,396 in the wheels of capitalism. 120 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,358 All this with just the click of a button. 121 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,485 I was clicking my button last night. 122 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,319 - [gasping] - You will not do this today. 123 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,322 - Not today. - I'm not doing anything. 124 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,324 To me you're just a little dark cloud... 125 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,908 Please don't make ice noise while I'm talking. 126 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:50,409 I'm sorry little brat, I think 127 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:53,163 Zoom's going to be around for a long time. 128 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,456 Don't you say that! 129 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:57,042 Oh, Zoom! 130 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,961 Without you how will I make eye contact 131 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,879 with a bunch of people that I can instantly tell 132 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,382 aren't going to do business with me 133 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,550 and make it last for an hour? 134 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:09,012 Without you, how can I avoid in-person socializing? 135 00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:10,471 Um, I'm sorry, I thought you liked 136 00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,348 our backyard masked hangouts. 137 00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,893 Oh, Stephanie, you innocent lamb. 138 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,728 Baa. 139 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,187 That's because you don't drink coffee compulsively. 140 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,106 My breath is not mask friendly. 141 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,317 I brought a quote. 142 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,113 "It's so hard to say goodbye." 143 00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,906 Boyz II Men. 144 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,324 And they were right. 145 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,370 Goodbye to fixating on my own dumb face 146 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,747 while pretending to listen to 10 people drone on endlessly. 147 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,334 That's what I'm talking about. 148 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:42,004 And now, in Zoom's honor, 149 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,548 let's do a moment of frozen silence. 150 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:45,548 I'm going to count you in. 151 00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:49,136 One, two... 152 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,391 That was special. 153 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,560 It be like that, it be like that. 154 00:07:57,603 --> 00:08:00,230 And now the awkward Zoom goodbyes. 155 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,024 Bye everyone. Bye, great meeting. 156 00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:04,401 I loved what you said. Okay, bye. 157 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:05,985 Leave meeting, leave meeting. 158 00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:09,740 Where's the red button? Where's the red button? 159 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,158 [Latin music plays] 160 00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,617 [cheering] 161 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,002 Now her name may mean something sweet, 162 00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:25,297 but she hella spicy. 163 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,839 Dulce Sloan, everybody. 164 00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:28,716 [cheering] 165 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:29,759 Hello. 166 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,230 Hello. Mmm. 167 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,691 [cheering] 168 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:47,152 Friends, I do, I did, I will. 169 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,821 Yeah! 170 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,530 Greetings, mourners. 171 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,743 This was the year we, as a society, 172 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,788 collectively said goodbye to being an asshole! 173 00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,331 [cheering] 174 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,542 Now, there's so many ways to be an asshole. 175 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,796 Being a milky white Karen, screaming on the floor 176 00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:08,840 of a Victoria's Secret like your mother didn't raise you. 177 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:12,009 To being a happy go lucky talk show host 178 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:15,054 who danced to a very different tune 179 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,057 behind closed doors, and yet, still off beat. 180 00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,850 Oh! 181 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,852 And executive producing Jeopardy just to name himself the host. 182 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,105 Quick clue, it was not Levar Burton. 183 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,731 We love him. 184 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,735 For the longest time, these assholes were allowed 185 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,570 to hide in plain sight. 186 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:31,654 They harassed. 187 00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,615 - [crowd] Mmm! - Berated! 188 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:37,076 And acted as conservators of their daughter's estates. 189 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:38,077 Free Britney! 190 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,453 [cheering] 191 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,414 Uh-uh, girl, the podcast already freed her. 192 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,874 My tweet freed her! 193 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,668 Our tweeting freed her! 194 00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:47,379 - Yeah! - Yeah! 195 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,423 But after this year the receipts came out 196 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,048 like cancellation confetti. 197 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,259 A reckoning happened, 198 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:56,138 and being an asshole has gone to that great 199 00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,014 NDA in the sky. 200 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,017 Yep, yep. 201 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,852 But for some reason, our tolerance for them disappeared. 202 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:06,690 And I can't exactly put my finger on why. 203 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,317 Actually, I can. 204 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,902 We got stuck inside again! 205 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,946 We got stuck inside. 206 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,197 And there was no hope. 207 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,865 And we lost it. 208 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:19,161 And everybody snapped, we snapped. 209 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,288 I snapped like Snap, crackle, pop. 210 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,706 We gone! We snapped! 211 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:26,168 And we needed to direct our rage and frustration 212 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,296 at something tangible to restore some justice 213 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,548 in an unjust world. 214 00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:35,384 And assholes are right there for the mass public shaming. 215 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:37,053 Uh, Lynae, what is the expression 216 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,638 you're always using on Instagram? 217 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,807 I'ma keep it Black, but I'ma keep it brief. 218 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,518 Ah, that's the one, okay. That one. 219 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,062 Now, you can't get away with shit anymore. 220 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,606 Because right now everyone is carrying around 221 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,567 the most powerful weapon on earth. 222 00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,360 A hydrogen bomb. 223 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,486 What? 224 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,404 No, friend. A smart phone. 225 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,323 Oh. 226 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,991 Now, listen, you can't be rude to a hostess at a restaurant 227 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,119 and not think she's going to go viral on TikTok 228 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,828 telling the world about it. 229 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,082 You can't go on stage and be flat out homophobic. 230 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,208 No. 231 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,918 And you can't be a movie star 232 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,547 and privately tell women you want to cannibalize them. 233 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:15,966 You cannot have your pussy and eat it, too. 234 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,594 [cheering] 235 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,096 For the rich, powerful assholes, 236 00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,431 there'll always be public apology tours 237 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,308 and a Notes app mea culpa. 238 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,895 And eventually, that asshole will join The View. 239 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,188 Oh! 240 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,149 Or be on "Dancing with the Stars." 241 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,693 Or show their dick that no one wants to see 242 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,363 to a bunch of aspiring comics 243 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,907 and sell out entire theaters in Boston and Chicago 244 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,033 a few years later. 245 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,368 [gasping] 246 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,327 Yo. 247 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,623 You know what? 248 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,625 I gotta get canceled. 249 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,210 Mm-mm. 250 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,628 I've been playing this all wrong. 251 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,171 I got to get canceled! 252 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,713 And I know exactly what to say. 253 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:55,798 Uh-huh. 254 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,591 All [bleep] are [bleep]. 255 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,592 [gasping] 256 00:11:58,634 --> 00:11:59,260 No! 257 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:01,929 And that's why you can't [bleep] mangy [bleep] 258 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,682 to the [bleep] [bleep] 259 00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:07,226 which is why I [bleep] 260 00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,854 Ha ha! 261 00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:10,187 Oh... 262 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,605 Dulce, Dulce, hey. 263 00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,066 I just got off the phone with Hollywood. 264 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,525 This is my agent. What's up, darling? 265 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,777 You're the next James Bond. 266 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,446 Ah! Look at Jesus. 267 00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:18,447 Let's go. 268 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:19,447 [cheering] 269 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,865 [James Bond theme plays] 270 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,658 Look at Jesus! Won't he do it! 271 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,326 - I got canceled. - Can you do a British accent? 272 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,955 [British accent] Oh, yeah, I can do a British accent. 273 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,081 She can do a British accent. 274 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:31,375 Chip, chip, cheerio, come get these towels. 275 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,044 We're doing this all wrong. 276 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,963 Wow. 277 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,799 All right, y'all, get ready, and I do mean prepare yourselves, 278 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:42,678 because anything can happen when Megan Stalter takes the stage. 279 00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:43,889 Megan? 280 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:46,850 [cheering] 281 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,730 I'm just gonna touch up my face. 282 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:02,198 My magic 8-ball. 283 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,365 Just a second. 284 00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:11,625 Okay. 285 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,086 Um... hi, yucky bitches. 286 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,837 Kidding. 287 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,255 You're all nice. 288 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,383 Well, most of you. 289 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:23,010 Um... anyways, we are gathered here 290 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:26,264 to bid farewell to our sweaty, beautiful 291 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,850 drunk friends with benefits, Hot Vaxx Summer. 292 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,480 [cheering] 293 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,815 And if you don't know what I mean by Hot Vaxx Summer, 294 00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,734 you may know her by her Christian name, 295 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,070 Slut Girl Summer. 296 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,905 Whatever you call her, she was our horny little season 297 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,075 that could get it in and get it down. 298 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:48,370 Reverse cowgirl style. 299 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,371 Wine me, dine me, 39 me. 300 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,999 Which is like 69, 301 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,669 but... shorter with longer tongue. 302 00:13:56,711 --> 00:14:00,090 And a shorter time. 303 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,883 That makes sense. 304 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:05,553 Anyways, even though she only lived for a brief sticky season, 305 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,639 Hot Vaxx Summer gave me a lifetime of memories 306 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,142 and unidentifiable phone numbers. 307 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,227 Like hot accountant with hair. 308 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,937 Spooky Michael, he was fun. 309 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:18,066 Woman who looks like Susan Sarandon, but mean. 310 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,568 She wasn't mean, but she looked mean. 311 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:25,115 It was hot. It was really hot. 312 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,576 You don't have any idea where this will fit. 313 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,786 Let's just say that. 314 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,538 Dizzy just thinking about her. 315 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,792 Anyway, when I think about Hot Vaxx Summer, 316 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,751 I'm reminded of her most important lesson: 317 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,462 sure, you can be vaccinated against Corona virus, 318 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,508 but you cannot get vaccinated against HPV. 319 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,926 Oh, actually, you can. 320 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,635 I love that energy, girl. 321 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,722 No, Meg, there's a real HPV vaccine. 322 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:53,393 Love your spirit, biotch. 323 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,936 She don't even know me. 324 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,105 Anyways, Hot Vaxx Summer is survived by 325 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,606 Force Fiancé Fall. 326 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,859 The only comfort I derive from this is 327 00:15:00,899 --> 00:15:03,653 how fitting it is that in her final act, 328 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,697 Hot Vaxx Summer is getting laid... to rest. 329 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,865 Love you, cunt. 330 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,326 My God! 331 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,952 - [piano plays] - Thank you. 332 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,081 Woo-ooo! 333 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,586 That was... very Megan. 334 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,342 Oh. 335 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:28,636 All right. 336 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,971 And now we are going to hear from someone very special. 337 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,890 Guys, she's a little nervous, 338 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,436 so please join me in giving a very warm welcome 339 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:41,024 to the extremely funny Aparna Nancherla. 340 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:44,110 [cheering] 341 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,528 Girl, I have got to take this off. 342 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,740 I can't look like this, hold on. 343 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,240 - I hear you. Let me put it up. - Thank you. 344 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,118 [cheering] 345 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:04,047 Hi. 346 00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,383 Hello. 347 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,259 Salutations. 348 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:15,933 So, um... anyone here from out of town? 349 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,726 No crowd work! 350 00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:23,399 Okay, I was just trying to connect to my fellow humans. 351 00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:28,071 Well, I'm here to say goodbye to the hermit life. 352 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,782 [applause] 353 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,451 This was the year we took off the quarantine sweatpants 354 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:38,331 and put on the socializing sweatpants. 355 00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:41,292 Which are in fact the same pants. 356 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,043 They were. 357 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:47,215 It's all about intent. Like money laundering, you know? 358 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,802 I remember when my hermit life all began. 359 00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:55,056 I was watching TV, one of my many friends who is a screen, 360 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:58,475 and, uh... it suddenly blared, 361 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,562 "Breaking news! The CDC recommends 362 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:04,148 everyone stay inside indefinitely. 363 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:08,153 Yes, we will continue to be this ominous and vague." 364 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:11,280 You know, with my bubbly personality, 365 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,743 pathological addiction to drama, 366 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:21,039 and cocaine filled social calendar, 367 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,625 this was a big sacrifice for me. 368 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:27,630 But like millions of others, I answered the call of duty, 369 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:32,885 even though I prefer texts, I've made that very clear. 370 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:37,848 I immediately adopted two small hangry cats. 371 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,434 I always bought a Himalayan salt lamp. 372 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,019 No, I still don't know what it does, 373 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:45,230 and yes, I have licked it more than once. 374 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:47,983 I organized all my mystery cords. 375 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:52,529 I advised my therapist on jazzing up her background. 376 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,325 I stayed in shape by doing the same workout 377 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,827 as Jennifer Lopez's character in the movie "Enough." 378 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,998 Being a hermit was a natural fit for me. 379 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,334 Actually, did you know the word hermit 380 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,127 comes from the Greek word, Eremites, 381 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,547 meaning "of the desert?" 382 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:13,343 Yeah, I know that because I took an online Greek class 383 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:14,803 for eight days. 384 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:18,263 Day nine, the free trial ended, so, you know... 385 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,932 Mm-hmm. 386 00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,601 You know, without the shackles of society 387 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:25,980 and peer pressure, I became the most fully realized 388 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,106 version of myself! 389 00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,817 - Good for you! - [cheering] 390 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,653 I see you, girl. Live your truth. 391 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:35,656 But then it all came crashing down. 392 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,326 [crowd] Oh. 393 00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,829 Okay, I'm done crashing. 394 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:49,837 Reintegrating to society was culture shock. 395 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,798 You know, my mind erased things that weren't important anymore 396 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,093 like how to make small talk. 397 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,302 I tried to bring up the weather recently, 398 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,888 and I said, "Oh, Sun, Moon to rain, huh?" 399 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,723 [laughing] 400 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:05,228 Luckily, I learned a few new tricks 401 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:08,856 from a very credible source known as WikiHow. 402 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,651 If you're at a social function where you don't know anyone, 403 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,653 try walking up to a stranger 404 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:17,365 and reciting an interesting fact in an enthusiastic tone. 405 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,950 Like, "Hello, 406 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,660 did you know the word hermit 407 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,872 comes from the Greek word, Eremites, 408 00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,455 meaning of the desert?" 409 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,917 Next, always have exit excuses locked and loaded 410 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,961 whenever you're at a party. 411 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:35,008 For example, "Oh, I have to go! I forgot I'm a doula! 412 00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,467 We're always on call." 413 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:43,266 Or, "Oh, the line to the bathroom is very long. 414 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,808 I'm going to use mine." 415 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:54,109 And finally, don't forget about your non-verbal communication. 416 00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:56,738 You know, here's some classic facial expressions 417 00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,615 for everyday settings. 418 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,157 The "listening" face. 419 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:06,497 The "I think this story is supposed to be funny 420 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,833 but it's not really going anywhere" face. 421 00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:16,965 The "I spaced out for 30 seconds and am now 422 00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,593 overcompensating" face. 423 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:27,101 And finally, the "I have clinical depression 424 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:30,313 and constantly remember that none of this matters" face. 425 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,820 That's actually my resting face, so... 426 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:41,531 Oh, I have to go, I forgot I'm a doula! 427 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,992 [cheering] 428 00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,619 We know that's a lie. 429 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:46,788 Duty... 430 00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:48,373 Best of luck, Aparna, 431 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,833 and I hope you have a safe and healthy delivery. 432 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:53,044 Thank you, it's my first time. 433 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,588 All right. And now... 434 00:20:56,631 --> 00:21:01,219 Laying to rest something gone far, far too soon. 435 00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:03,637 Please welcome X Mayo. 436 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,390 [cheering] 437 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:09,184 That was fast. 438 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:10,519 I'm very good. 439 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:20,195 Ladies, I am here today to lay to rest 440 00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:24,241 "My Body My Choice" bumper stickers. 441 00:21:24,282 --> 00:21:25,576 R.I.P. 442 00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:27,744 The slogan had a great run. 443 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,872 It was a mindset, a movement. 444 00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:33,417 And a hard-earned victory we won decades ago. 445 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,170 And it was a bumper sticker that proudly declared 446 00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:39,382 to all who passed, yes, I am a white woman, 447 00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:44,011 and I am listening to Alanis Morisette in this Subaru. 448 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:46,596 But then 2021 happened. 449 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:50,308 And the Supreme Court had the caucasity 450 00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:54,689 to roll back reproductive rights. 451 00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,566 Unless you're rich. 452 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:59,443 First things first, now that the Supreme Court 453 00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:01,778 has ruled that our bodies ain't none of our business 454 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:05,407 sex can have more consequences than it has in a long time. 455 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:08,243 Now every time you hook up, you have to ask yourself, 456 00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:09,662 would this stranger with no bedframe be 457 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:12,205 a good co-parent to my child? 458 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,624 No! 459 00:22:13,665 --> 00:22:16,044 He don't even have sheets, ladies. 460 00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:20,506 Which is why I have a very special presentation for you. 461 00:22:20,548 --> 00:22:22,717 Hot wordless man? 462 00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:25,219 [cheering] 463 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,387 Yes! 464 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:30,724 Ladies, I present the 2021 Fuckbook. 465 00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,477 [cheering] 466 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,772 Here are the people you can have sex with 467 00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:40,942 without the risk of an unwanted pregnancy. 468 00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,778 Yes, take a look. 469 00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:45,655 This married family values senator 470 00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:49,242 and only man who's needed a circumcision for his neck. 471 00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,579 If he gets you pregnant, you won't stay pregnant for long. 472 00:22:52,622 --> 00:22:55,249 You may even get a private jet to a clinic in Puerto Rico. 473 00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:56,959 Mm-hmm. 474 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,420 All right, next step. 475 00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:02,507 We have your Dad's golf friend, Alan. 476 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:04,509 He's not going to let a little mistake ruin things 477 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:07,303 for him and Eileen, oh, no, she put him through law school. 478 00:23:07,345 --> 00:23:11,432 Sleep with Alan, consider your reproductive rights restored. 479 00:23:13,851 --> 00:23:16,144 And last, you're going to love this one. 480 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,105 Oh, yes. 481 00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:20,148 [cheering] 482 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:26,780 Yes, the safest sex of all is sex with yourself. 483 00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:32,662 We all laughed at Gwyneth Paltrow's vibrating jade egg 484 00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:34,454 and now look at us, we're sitting on them. 485 00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:36,749 Facts, facts. 486 00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:39,000 Which brings... you can go. 487 00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:41,336 Which brings me to another helpful idea 488 00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:44,714 and you know how much I have to get politi-cal. 489 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:49,095 But we need to regulate sperm like we regulate guns. 490 00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:50,721 Yes! 491 00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:54,224 Everyone needs a sperm permit. A spermit. 492 00:23:54,267 --> 00:23:55,893 Speak on it. 493 00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,645 And if that doesn't solve everything right now, 494 00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:01,731 as a special surprise, one lucky audience member 495 00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,358 has an IUD under her seat. 496 00:24:03,401 --> 00:24:05,153 - Ooh! - Yes, everybody look. 497 00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:10,575 Oh, oh! 498 00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:12,076 I got it. 499 00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:13,201 Yes. 500 00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:14,744 I never win these things. 501 00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:16,663 Woo! 502 00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:19,208 Sorry we can only afford one, ladies, they're so expensive. 503 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:20,667 - Mm-hmm. - That's it. 504 00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:22,586 But let's just be clear, this is not about 505 00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:24,422 the horizontal mambo, 506 00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:27,215 the ooey-gooey ciabatta. 507 00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:28,634 The two headed beast. 508 00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:30,510 You can just say sex. 509 00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:33,013 Right, it's about so much more than that. 510 00:24:33,055 --> 00:24:36,267 It's about things hopefully everyone agrees on. 511 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,685 Ending the cycle of poverty by ensuring 512 00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:39,729 people aren't forced to have children 513 00:24:39,769 --> 00:24:42,856 they cannot afford to raise. 514 00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:45,984 [cheering] 515 00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:48,237 And the government's interest in babies shouldn't stop 516 00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:49,279 as soon as they're born. 517 00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:51,073 Yes! 518 00:24:51,115 --> 00:24:53,034 And season three of "Succession" took way too long to come out. 519 00:24:53,075 --> 00:24:54,326 Yeah! 520 00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:55,536 And where the fuck is "Boondocks"? 521 00:24:55,577 --> 00:24:57,163 Yeah! 522 00:24:57,204 --> 00:25:00,374 What I'm saying is we have to keep fighting. 523 00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:02,960 Let's be honest, many of you thought a new president 524 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:05,212 would solve all of our problems, 525 00:25:05,253 --> 00:25:08,007 and that is because many of you are white. 526 00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:09,342 Yeah! 527 00:25:09,383 --> 00:25:11,719 And ultimately, even though 528 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,221 "My Body My Choice" bumper stickers are gone, 529 00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:17,892 we can honor their legacy by not giving in to apathy. 530 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:20,185 By not falling asleep behind the wheel 531 00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:22,896 because do you know who sure as shit hasn't? 532 00:25:22,939 --> 00:25:24,606 The motherfuckers who thinks the vaccine 533 00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:27,108 turns you into a magnet and thinks JFK Jr. 534 00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:30,238 is a guy living in his van in Pennsylvania. 535 00:25:30,278 --> 00:25:32,240 They're dying for us to lose momentum, 536 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,240 but will we? 537 00:25:33,281 --> 00:25:34,909 [crowd] No! 538 00:25:34,951 --> 00:25:36,911 That's right, because if we can muster up enough 539 00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:39,913 fan outrage to bring back our favorite cancelled show, 540 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:42,583 "The Connors"... 541 00:25:42,625 --> 00:25:44,042 It's a good show. 542 00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:46,420 Then we can do it for our reproductive rights. 543 00:25:46,461 --> 00:25:48,088 [cheering] 544 00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:52,718 So I stand here before you today 545 00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:55,387 itching in lace. 546 00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:57,682 To ask you one simple question: 547 00:25:57,722 --> 00:25:59,892 will you take this fear and anxiety 548 00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:02,269 and commit to doing everything you can to make sure 549 00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:04,605 we unfuck what they fucked up 550 00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:06,816 so we can get back to fucking? 551 00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:07,983 [cheering] 552 00:26:08,025 --> 00:26:09,109 Fuck yeah. 553 00:26:09,151 --> 00:26:11,569 That sounds real good to me. 554 00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:14,699 And with that... 555 00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:17,285 I have plan B for everybody. 556 00:26:17,326 --> 00:26:18,786 [cheering] 557 00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:22,080 All right, let's go... One, two, three. 558 00:26:22,123 --> 00:26:23,833 [cheering] 559 00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:29,797 You're not gonna get pregnant, you're not gonna get pregnant, 560 00:26:29,838 --> 00:26:31,715 you're not gonna get pregnant. 561 00:26:31,757 --> 00:26:33,049 Yes! 562 00:26:33,092 --> 00:26:34,509 Thanks, ladies. 563 00:26:40,807 --> 00:26:42,058 Wow, okay. 564 00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:44,936 The ooey-gooey ciabatta. 565 00:26:44,979 --> 00:26:48,523 Can't lie, I'm interested. 566 00:26:48,566 --> 00:26:51,861 All right, ladies, we have said goodbye to so much tonight, 567 00:26:51,902 --> 00:26:53,570 but before we... 568 00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:55,155 I'm sorry I'm late. 569 00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:56,574 [gasping] 570 00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,784 But you know I am a living legend. 571 00:26:58,826 --> 00:27:00,827 [cheering] [music playing] 572 00:27:04,707 --> 00:27:06,875 Miss Fonda, please. It's an honor. 573 00:27:06,916 --> 00:27:08,461 The podium is yours. 574 00:27:08,501 --> 00:27:10,253 [cheering] 575 00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:13,089 It's an honor. 576 00:27:16,218 --> 00:27:19,680 Hello, my name is Jane Fonda, I'm um... 577 00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:21,515 [cheering] 578 00:27:21,557 --> 00:27:23,642 Thank you. 579 00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:25,603 Oscar, Emmy, Golden Globe winning thespian. 580 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,188 [cheering] 581 00:27:27,229 --> 00:27:31,358 Environmentalist, political activist, arrestee. 582 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:35,278 And either I'm Grace or Frankie, I'm not sure. 583 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,781 Um... Google me. 584 00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:40,201 This year we said goodbye 585 00:27:40,241 --> 00:27:45,038 to Ignoring the Climate Crisis. 586 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:49,376 The world's top 200 climate scientists have called this 587 00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:52,755 a code red moment for humanity. 588 00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:56,092 Texas froze over. 589 00:27:56,133 --> 00:27:58,676 Then the ocean caught fire. 590 00:27:58,719 --> 00:28:02,972 New York City subways turned into white water rapids 591 00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:07,936 and Seattle got hotter than that hotty from "Bridgerton" 592 00:28:07,978 --> 00:28:10,355 who has nothing on you, dear. 593 00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:11,981 Woo! 594 00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:14,234 When things get this cataclysmic, 595 00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:17,320 I usually file for divorce. 596 00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:19,115 Now that's a legend! 597 00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:21,741 You probably assume that I'm up here ready 598 00:28:21,784 --> 00:28:26,872 to give a doom and gloom speech. But no. 599 00:28:26,913 --> 00:28:30,667 I've had a martini and a doobie and I'm feeling kinda hopeful. 600 00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:33,796 [cheering] 601 00:28:33,837 --> 00:28:35,923 The fossil fuel corporations 602 00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:38,384 aren't going to give up fracking our future 603 00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:40,219 and buying off our politicians, 604 00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:43,681 so... we might as well look at the bright side, right? 605 00:28:43,721 --> 00:28:45,182 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. 606 00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:49,103 Nobody talks about how the haze from wildfires 607 00:28:49,144 --> 00:28:54,023 creates such incredibly flattering light. 608 00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:58,153 And sure, sea levels are rising at an accelerating rate, 609 00:28:58,194 --> 00:29:01,949 but doesn't that mean there's more ocean front property 610 00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:04,576 becoming available? 611 00:29:04,617 --> 00:29:07,288 My grandson might never see a coral reef, 612 00:29:07,328 --> 00:29:10,207 but he will snorkel high above the gorgeous 613 00:29:10,249 --> 00:29:13,251 underwater city of Miami. 614 00:29:13,294 --> 00:29:21,050 Plus, protesting the fossil fuel industry is amazing cardio. 615 00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:23,345 If I hadn't been arrested repeatedly, 616 00:29:23,386 --> 00:29:25,681 I wouldn't have this butt. 617 00:29:25,722 --> 00:29:28,433 [cheering] 618 00:29:28,476 --> 00:29:33,605 Stepping into police vans has replaced my Stairmaster. 619 00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:35,523 Talk about resistance training. 620 00:29:35,566 --> 00:29:37,358 Yes, clever word play. 621 00:29:37,401 --> 00:29:39,944 So basically, unless major corporate polluters 622 00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:41,697 are held accountable 623 00:29:41,739 --> 00:29:44,950 and we vote out the politicians beholden to them, 624 00:29:44,991 --> 00:29:46,410 our days are numbered. 625 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:49,538 If it's just fossil fuel corporations, 626 00:29:49,579 --> 00:29:50,748 does that mean I shouldn't feel bad about 627 00:29:50,788 --> 00:29:52,665 my Fiji water soaking bath? 628 00:29:52,708 --> 00:29:56,586 No, you should feel very, very bad about that, Maggie. 629 00:29:56,628 --> 00:29:59,214 Oh my God, Jane Fonda knows my name! 630 00:29:59,256 --> 00:30:00,548 That's not your name. 631 00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,092 It is now. 632 00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:05,261 So, let's enjoy the earth while it lasts. 633 00:30:05,304 --> 00:30:07,056 [cheering] 634 00:30:12,810 --> 00:30:15,814 I'd like to propose a toast 635 00:30:15,855 --> 00:30:17,650 to the planet. 636 00:30:17,691 --> 00:30:19,151 Our only home. 637 00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:24,573 [cheering] 638 00:30:24,615 --> 00:30:26,366 And now if you'll excuse me, 639 00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:29,077 I have to go scrub the oil off a blue whale 640 00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:30,828 down on Huntington beach. 641 00:30:30,871 --> 00:30:32,163 [cheering] 642 00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:49,056 Wow. 643 00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:53,560 Jane "fabulous at any age" Fonda. Oh my God. 644 00:30:53,602 --> 00:30:55,061 We should all be so lucky. 645 00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:56,730 Because if I'm being honest, 646 00:30:56,771 --> 00:30:59,357 with everything that's going on, 647 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:02,111 I don't know about y'all but I am tired. 648 00:31:02,152 --> 00:31:03,570 Mm-hmm. 649 00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:04,904 Nah, nah, scratch that, I'm "tiH'd"! 650 00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:07,532 With a capital "H'd." 651 00:31:07,575 --> 00:31:08,992 Actually, if you don't mind, 652 00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:10,786 I can't live like this no more. 653 00:31:10,827 --> 00:31:13,204 - Take them off! - What am I trying to prove, ok? 654 00:31:13,247 --> 00:31:14,205 - [cheering] - Do it. 655 00:31:14,248 --> 00:31:15,415 Do it, do it, do it! 656 00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:16,791 My foot hurt. 657 00:31:16,834 --> 00:31:19,336 As I was saying, a hoe is tired. 658 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:24,048 And that's why I'm saying goodbye to hustle and grind. 659 00:31:24,090 --> 00:31:25,759 [cheering] 660 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,930 We live in a culture that celebrates being on and popping. 661 00:31:29,971 --> 00:31:32,599 All the time? Everywhere we turn, we're being told. 662 00:31:32,641 --> 00:31:34,809 that we always have to be hustling. 663 00:31:34,852 --> 00:31:36,936 What you doing? What are you doing? 664 00:31:36,979 --> 00:31:38,605 What are you doing? 665 00:31:38,646 --> 00:31:41,983 You know, you work five jobs and you have #nodaysoff. 666 00:31:42,026 --> 00:31:44,737 You at the gym. Yeah, you, at the gym, 667 00:31:44,778 --> 00:31:47,030 and posting it on the 'gram, look at me, it's leg day. 668 00:31:47,072 --> 00:31:48,740 Ah! 669 00:31:48,781 --> 00:31:50,409 Because if you don't post it, did it ever happen? 670 00:31:50,451 --> 00:31:52,201 Well, did it happen, Morty? We get it. 671 00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:55,122 Close your shirt up. Close your shirt! 672 00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:59,960 [chanting] Close your shirt! 673 00:32:00,001 --> 00:32:02,962 Just saying, like, what if I'm too tired to go to the gym? 674 00:32:03,005 --> 00:32:05,840 This is how tired I am, my shoulders are high. 675 00:32:05,883 --> 00:32:08,926 Just like this. I'm so tired. 676 00:32:08,969 --> 00:32:12,765 We're so afraid that if we just sit down 677 00:32:12,806 --> 00:32:15,476 for one dag'gone second, we're going to be left behind. 678 00:32:15,517 --> 00:32:17,019 Left behind where? 679 00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:20,064 They're already going to space without us. 680 00:32:20,105 --> 00:32:22,816 But this year, so many of us said, you know what, 681 00:32:22,857 --> 00:32:26,528 - mmm-mm, enough is enough. - Yes! 682 00:32:26,569 --> 00:32:30,199 And Black women who have had to hustle and grind 683 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,076 twice as hard led the charge. 684 00:32:32,116 --> 00:32:33,451 True! 685 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:36,413 Simon Biles put her 3'4" feet down 686 00:32:36,454 --> 00:32:39,708 and she stopped tumbling just to prioritize her mental health, 687 00:32:39,750 --> 00:32:41,794 and you know what? She still won a medal. 688 00:32:41,835 --> 00:32:46,131 Naomi Osaka taught us that, "mm-mm" is a complete sentence. 689 00:32:46,173 --> 00:32:48,967 "I don't want to" is a good enough reason. 690 00:32:49,009 --> 00:32:51,720 And Meghan Markle was so tired, 691 00:32:51,761 --> 00:32:54,890 that that chick gave up a whole entire castle, y'all. 692 00:32:54,932 --> 00:32:56,808 That's how tired Black women are. 693 00:32:56,849 --> 00:32:59,603 We don't even want to be princesses no more! 694 00:32:59,644 --> 00:33:02,189 Speak for yourself, honey. 695 00:33:02,230 --> 00:33:03,231 Okay, first you want to be James Bond, 696 00:33:03,272 --> 00:33:04,607 now you want to be a princess? 697 00:33:04,650 --> 00:33:07,778 I'm trying to take over England, baby. 698 00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:11,115 No, everybody's tired, even essential workers. 699 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:15,493 They rightfully asked, "Y'all, if we're so essential, 700 00:33:15,536 --> 00:33:17,078 then how come y'all won't provide us with, 701 00:33:17,121 --> 00:33:19,163 I don't know, a living wage and health care?" 702 00:33:19,205 --> 00:33:21,165 [applause] 703 00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:22,960 'Cause if covid don't get you, a milk crate will. Ah! 704 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,755 I got that challenge on my first try. 705 00:33:26,797 --> 00:33:27,756 Oh, really, your first one? 706 00:33:27,798 --> 00:33:29,090 You want to show us? 707 00:33:29,133 --> 00:33:32,009 It takes me two hours to set it up. 708 00:33:32,051 --> 00:33:36,056 [laughing] [sighs] 709 00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:38,349 I'm too tired to even mess with you right now, Aparna. 710 00:33:38,392 --> 00:33:39,893 That's how tired I am. 711 00:33:41,854 --> 00:33:44,397 You know, this was a year that it became crystal clear 712 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:45,982 what we really wanted. 713 00:33:46,023 --> 00:33:48,777 Some people moved out of big, expensive cities 714 00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:52,655 to live slower lives in smaller towns closer to family. 715 00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:54,950 And other people traded in high powered corporate gigs 716 00:33:54,991 --> 00:33:57,952 they have been working towards since graduation 717 00:33:57,994 --> 00:33:59,538 only to pursue their dream 718 00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,749 of selling homemade snicker doodle cookies 719 00:34:01,789 --> 00:34:04,209 or mimosa scented body scrubs. 720 00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:06,545 If anyone's interested in hand-knitted dog booties, 721 00:34:06,586 --> 00:34:08,172 you can visit my Etsy store. 722 00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:10,923 Rachel, you got an Emmy and an Etsy? 723 00:34:10,965 --> 00:34:12,467 Girl, ain't you tired. 724 00:34:12,509 --> 00:34:13,969 I love dogs. 725 00:34:14,010 --> 00:34:15,679 At some point I'm going to have to answer 726 00:34:15,721 --> 00:34:17,264 to my mama when she asks, 727 00:34:17,306 --> 00:34:19,682 "When are you going to stop posting on Instagram 728 00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:21,518 and give me some grandbabies?" 729 00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:24,438 How does she think I'm supposed to get the man 730 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,731 to give her these grandbabies? 731 00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:28,358 Do you understand how hard it is to explain 732 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,777 what a thirst trap is to an immigrant mom? 733 00:34:30,818 --> 00:34:32,403 Let me show you. 734 00:34:33,614 --> 00:34:35,907 [chanting] 735 00:34:44,081 --> 00:34:45,876 That is a thirst trap. 736 00:34:45,918 --> 00:34:47,835 [applause] 737 00:34:47,878 --> 00:34:50,130 Basically, y'all, the pandemic made me realize 738 00:34:50,172 --> 00:34:52,173 that life is short. 739 00:34:52,215 --> 00:34:54,425 And tomorrow's not promised. 740 00:34:54,467 --> 00:34:57,012 So Drake, you really need to answer my DMs. 741 00:34:57,054 --> 00:34:59,014 [cheering] 742 00:34:59,056 --> 00:35:00,724 And I'm proud of us, 743 00:35:00,766 --> 00:35:02,266 because we're all ending this year 744 00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:04,436 very differently than when we began it. 745 00:35:04,478 --> 00:35:07,438 We're getting rid of everything that did not serve us, 746 00:35:07,481 --> 00:35:10,525 and we are embracing these newer, beautiful versions 747 00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:11,735 of ourselves 748 00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:13,152 with a new set of priorities. 749 00:35:13,195 --> 00:35:15,780 I mean, what are we all working so hard for 750 00:35:15,822 --> 00:35:17,574 if we can't enjoy the fruits of our labor? 751 00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:18,617 Yeah! 752 00:35:18,659 --> 00:35:19,992 So tonight 753 00:35:20,034 --> 00:35:21,619 I'm putting down hustle and grind. 754 00:35:21,661 --> 00:35:22,913 Bye bye. 755 00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:27,000 And I am picking up ease and flow. 756 00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:28,001 Mmm. 757 00:35:28,043 --> 00:35:29,753 [cheering] 758 00:35:29,795 --> 00:35:34,757 Because you know what? Resting is being productive, too. 759 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,594 When you're rested up, you can show up for you 760 00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:40,347 and for the people and causes you actually care about. 761 00:35:40,389 --> 00:35:42,599 You can't pour from an empty glass. 762 00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:44,101 And speaking of glasses, 763 00:35:44,141 --> 00:35:49,063 it is time for me to fill me up. Hello. 764 00:35:49,106 --> 00:35:51,858 - [cheering] -That's right. 765 00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:54,570 Yeah! 766 00:35:54,610 --> 00:35:58,990 So, as we bid farewell to this year, let's raise a glass. 767 00:35:59,032 --> 00:36:02,286 [cheering] 768 00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:04,496 Pour out a little liquor for our homies that couldn't make it. 769 00:36:04,538 --> 00:36:05,873 No pouring out. 770 00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:09,585 Okay, well, more for me. 771 00:36:09,626 --> 00:36:11,920 So as we leave 2021 behind, 772 00:36:11,961 --> 00:36:15,465 I am going to vow to stay hydrated, hello, 773 00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:18,427 moisturized, and apparently BFFs with Jane Fonda, 774 00:36:18,467 --> 00:36:20,094 'cause she looks amazing. 775 00:36:20,137 --> 00:36:21,429 [cheering] 776 00:36:21,471 --> 00:36:22,972 I'm gonna relax. 777 00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,266 I'm gonna be rich and married! 778 00:36:25,309 --> 00:36:26,518 Woo! 779 00:36:26,559 --> 00:36:28,103 And I'm gonna go platinum again. 780 00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:30,606 Oh my gosh, Alessia Cara? 781 00:36:30,646 --> 00:36:33,233 Hey, Yvonne, love all this. 782 00:36:33,275 --> 00:36:34,985 Girl, we are about to do an in memoriam. 783 00:36:35,027 --> 00:36:36,360 You have to sing. 784 00:36:36,402 --> 00:36:39,739 No, I wouldn't want to... intrude. 785 00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:42,074 Mm-mm, stop it. I insist. 786 00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:43,242 No, I really, I couldn't. 787 00:36:43,284 --> 00:36:44,869 I ain't gonna beg you. 788 00:36:44,911 --> 00:36:49,166 ♪ Every night in my dreams ♪ 789 00:36:49,206 --> 00:36:53,878 ♪ I see you, I feel you ♪ 790 00:36:53,920 --> 00:37:00,635 ♪ That is how I know you go on ♪ 791 00:37:02,929 --> 00:37:07,224 ♪ Far across the distance ♪ 792 00:37:07,266 --> 00:37:11,980 ♪ And spaces between us ♪ 793 00:37:12,021 --> 00:37:18,487 ♪ You have come to show you go on ♪ 794 00:37:21,114 --> 00:37:28,746 ♪ Near, far, wherever you are ♪ 795 00:37:28,789 --> 00:37:31,083 ♪ I believe ♪ 796 00:37:31,123 --> 00:37:37,172 ♪That the heart does go on ♪ 797 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:46,264 ♪ Once more, you open the door ♪ 798 00:37:46,306 --> 00:37:50,851 ♪ And you're here in my heart ♪ 799 00:37:50,893 --> 00:37:58,527 ♪ And my heart will go on and on ♪ 800 00:38:05,492 --> 00:38:09,621 ♪ You're here ♪ 801 00:38:09,663 --> 00:38:13,583 ♪ There's nothing I fear ♪ 802 00:38:13,625 --> 00:38:15,918 ♪ And I know ♪ 803 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:22,009 ♪ That the heart does go on ♪ 804 00:38:23,552 --> 00:38:27,472 ♪ We'll stay ♪ 805 00:38:27,514 --> 00:38:31,559 ♪ Forever this way ♪ 806 00:38:31,601 --> 00:38:36,648 ♪ You are safe in my heart and ♪ 807 00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:39,483 ♪ My heart will ♪ 808 00:38:39,525 --> 00:38:47,367 ♪ Go on and on ♪ 809 00:38:53,123 --> 00:38:54,833 [cheering] 810 00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:57,168 You sing it. 811 00:38:57,210 --> 00:38:59,588 Have a healthy and happy new year, loves. 812 00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:01,380 See you guys in 2022. 813 00:39:09,556 --> 00:39:11,307 What a year. 814 00:39:13,268 --> 00:39:15,936 [woman shouting] 815 00:39:15,978 --> 00:39:18,148 Hello. 816 00:39:18,190 --> 00:39:20,442 It's really special to be on a set 817 00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:21,525 with all women. 818 00:39:21,568 --> 00:39:23,320 [cheering] 819 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:24,528 - Come up. - Okay. 820 00:39:24,570 --> 00:39:25,655 And then back down. 821 00:39:25,697 --> 00:39:26,907 Yeah, be pregnant. 822 00:39:26,947 --> 00:39:28,574 There we go. 823 00:39:28,617 --> 00:39:31,077 I like candids. 824 00:39:31,119 --> 00:39:32,536 Ma'am! 825 00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:33,871 There are going to be a few reactions. 826 00:39:33,914 --> 00:39:36,083 Guys, we have one more shot before... 827 00:39:36,123 --> 00:39:38,626 Oh my gosh, Jane Fonda walks in. 828 00:39:38,668 --> 00:39:40,461 The air in the room just goes... 829 00:39:41,630 --> 00:39:43,297 This? 830 00:39:44,507 --> 00:39:45,509 Or... 831 00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:49,262 [clamoring] 832 00:39:49,304 --> 00:39:52,681 If covid don't get you, a milk crate will. Ah! 833 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,309 She went full James Brown. 834 00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:57,561 [laughing] 835 00:39:57,603 --> 00:39:58,980 Do y'all want a different read? 836 00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:04,360 You're a little dark cloud that just passes... 837 00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:05,945 What'd you say? What'd you say? 838 00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:08,657 - Please don't do that. - I can't hear you. 839 00:40:08,697 --> 00:40:10,826 So we can get back to fucking! 840 00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:13,119 That sounds real good to me. 841 00:40:13,161 --> 00:40:14,621 Aparna, you be fucking? 842 00:40:14,663 --> 00:40:16,706 Oh, yeah, when I can. 843 00:40:16,748 --> 00:40:18,333 [laughing] 844 00:40:18,375 --> 00:40:20,210 And now I'm gonna sing. 845 00:40:20,251 --> 00:40:21,878 Don't play that piano. 846 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,588 ♪ Divorce daddy don't ♪ 847 00:40:24,630 --> 00:40:26,882 ♪ Divorce daddy ♪ 848 00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:31,471 ♪ Don't leave ♪ 849 00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:33,597 [laughing] 850 00:40:33,639 --> 00:40:35,224 ♪ Get thee behind ♪ 851 00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:40,355 ♪ Cause what? Joy today ♪ 852 00:40:40,396 --> 00:40:41,773 See you again next year. 853 00:40:43,023 --> 00:40:44,483 All in a day's work.