WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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<i>[triumphant music]</i>

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[cheers and applause]

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<i>- Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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<i>Chris Redd!</i>

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<i>- I don't know why</i>
<i>I'm like this, nigga.</i>

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I'm trying to
figure it out, bro.

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I really am.
I'm trying to figure out

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why I'm like this shit,
you know.

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I'm in therapy right now.

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I thought therapy
was for White people.

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I saw you trying to
clap for therapy.

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Go ahead, girl.

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[cheers and applause]
Go ahead, girl.

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Oh, y'all late.
Y'all late.

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Nigga, stop.
Y'all late.

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You left this woman by herself.

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She was clapping
with confidence,

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like, oh I'm the only one,
bitch? Damn.

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I thought therapy
was for White people.

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I ain't gonna lie to y'all.

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I thought it was for you,
White people.

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I thought it was--
mm, triggered, y'all.

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I thought it was you.

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And then I got a little money.

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I took my first vacation.
I realized,

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oh, it's for people
with money and time.

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White people just
had that first.

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Sneaky motherfuckers.
I swear to God.

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I knew I had a problem,
I knew I needed something.

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I needed somebody to
talk to 'cause I was

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living the best day
of my life,

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and I was having
the worst time.

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I always told myself
if I made a little money,

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I was gonna relive
a day in my life

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like Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'"
video.

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"Big Pimpin'" is about
one man, Jay-Z.

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He's out there with his best
friends in Miami

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or wherever
the fuck they were at,

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and they were having a blast.

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They had boats, yachts,

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money, champagne,
booty everywhere.

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And I love booty,

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especially
when it's everywhere.

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I mean, champagne, yeah,
everything dawg.

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So I was like, I wanna do
that, and that's what I did.

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I got my first TV check,
and I flew all my homies

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out there dawg,
and no one tells you

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how expensive that is.

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Jay-Z didn't rap about
that shit one time, nigga.

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You should have told me how
much it cost to fly niggas

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who are in between jobs
to Miami.

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I did it anyway.
Regretted it so much.

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But they got all out there.
Man, we had money.

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We had champagne.

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We had booty everywhere.

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Like, not as much
booty as Jay-Z had.

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He has a lot of money
for a long time.

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This is my first check, fam.
Come on, chill.

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I had half the
booty everywhere.

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I didn't have all of it.

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And it wasn't half
booties, though.

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They were full booties,
just half the people.

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It wasn't like one
woman was sitting there

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with one cheek working
on the next cheek,

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you know what I'm saying?

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Although we do
support progress, so--

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Anyway, we're
having a great time.

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We had a yacht. At least
I think it was a yacht.

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I'm from a landlocked state,
bitch.

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I don't know
boats like that.

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But it had yacht energy, nigga.

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I called it a yacht

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until somebody was like,
this ain't a yacht,

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it's a boat, and I was like,
walk the plank, bitch.

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You know?
Nah, nigga, fuck that.

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And I pushed his ass off.
He ain't never been back.

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I ain't never seen him again.
He's in the ocean now.

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Champagne, money everywhere,
booty.

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I'm crying hard,
and that is not what

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Jay-Z did in the video at all.

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You don't even have
to have seen the video

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to know Jay-Z didn't do that.

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I don't know if
you've ever cried

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next to a woman twerking
with all her might,

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but it's not cool looking.

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[crying]

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Go ahead, girl.
[mimics smack]

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Meanwhile,

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what's wrong with him?

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Soon as we docked, bro, I had
to see what was going on.

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I had to talk to
my White friends.

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I'm like, how you find
a therapist?

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They're like, well, sometimes
you gotta go through a few

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until you find the one
that's right for you.

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It's like dating.
I'm like, OK,

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well what if
I find a Black therapist,

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someone who can speak
to my life experience,

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you know what I mean?

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And I tell them all my
deepest and darkest shit

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and then all of a
sudden we break up,

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'cause that's what
happens in relationships,

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and then I gotta see
this nigga at a barbecue

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or a kickback,

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and he telling all the hoes

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I'm crazy about a potato salad.

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I don't need that
kind of pressure.

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So I picked Deborah,

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White as hell, 75,
hair on her chin.

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She don't know nobody I know.

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You can have all
my secrets, Deborah.

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I'm triggered as hell,
my nigga.

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We do not run in the same
circles, me and Deborah.

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My circle:
rappers, degenerates.

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Her circle: dead, probably.
I don't know.

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I don't know who that
lady hanging out with.

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Shit, she's 75,
I don't know,

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Joe Biden,
Benjamin Franklin,

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I don't know.

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Deborah's my nigga,
she just can't say it back.

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I don't care how close we get.

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I don't care how many
breakthroughs I have.

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Watch your mouth, Deborah.

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Sometimes I like to
end our sessions,

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you know, just keeping
her on her toes,

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you know what I mean?

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Sometimes I'm like, hey
Deborah, hey, before you go,

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you my nigga, dawg.

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She's like, ha ha!

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And you're my client.

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Don't forget to Venmo, player.

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Always about the money with
this motherfucker, man.

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All my therapy sessions
have been over Zoom.

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So I don't know if my
therapist has legs.

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Now I assume she has legs,

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because everybody in my life
has legs.

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But I also know there's
a legless community,

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because I'm not ignorant.

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Wake up.

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I love telling
White people to wake up.

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Especially when
they're already awake.

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You ever try to tell somebody
to sit down

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when they're on their way
to sitting down?

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Me and my friends used to
do each other all the time.

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As soon as I was sitting down,
they'd be like,

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sit your ass down.
I'm like, nigga,

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I stand up forever!
Fuck you!

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'Cause I started therapy in
the middle of the pandemic,

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man, and it was crazy.

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I'm glad we all get to
kind of be in the same room

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again to kind of get back
to a sense of normalcy, bro.

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[cheers and applause]
For real.

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And by normalcy, I mean
getting back to remembering

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there's other ways to die.

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Because COVID had it
locked down, my nigga.

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Like, it was locked.
For two years straight,

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it was COVID death,
COVID death,

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COVID death,
to the point where I saw

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a dude die from a car crash,
I was like, good for him.

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You know what I mean?

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Truly, man.

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There's no visual proof
that Deborah has legs, dawg.

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She's never walked
into a Zoom ever.

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That's not Zoom etiquette.

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Everybody who got
a Zoom starts settled.

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That's Zoom etiquette.
You start settled.

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I've never started a Zoom with
my dick in the camera like,

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oh shit, my bad y'all.

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My bad y'all.

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Never.

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I tried to trick her one time.
I got smart one day.

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I tried to trick her like
somebody was in a house

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so she'd get up to go check.

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I was like, damn, ooh Deborah,
somebody in your house.

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She's like,
ain't nobody back there.

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Fuck!

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Just tell me if you
have legs bitch, damn.

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I meet her in three weeks for
the first time in real life,

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and if she don't have legs, I
have to act like I knew that.

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And you know what that means.
You know we've all been

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in a situation where you
show up and somebody

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got some shit you ain't expect.

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You know the rules.

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Full eye contact.
Don't look down.

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Don't even use your legs
until she uses her legs.

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If y'all ordered chicken
together--

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breasts only, nigga.

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And my therapist
can't stand that joke.

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And I think it's 'cause
that bitch don't got legs,

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you know what I'm saying?

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Don't high five that!

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What's wrong with you?

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Wow! Wow!

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Man, that's the
equivalent of us

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walking on a slave ship
thinking it's a cruise,

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you know what I mean?

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Deborah's the first person
to tell me I had anxiety.

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I have ADHD, anxiety,
and depression,

200
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[audience member hooting]
and I'm--

201
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First of all, I didn't
know we had a gang.

202
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What a wild gang that would be.

203
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ADHD, nigga!
I can't focus on shit!

204
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Nigga, you can never finish
a fight, niggas can't focus.

205
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Thank you for making me
feel better about that.

206
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Deborah was the first
person to tell me

207
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I had anxiety, first person.

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She was like, Chris, after
talking to you for a while,

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I think what you
suffer from is anxiety.

210
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And then I said,

211
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say something
else about me, bitch!

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Fuck you think this is?

213
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Fuck you think this is,
Deborah?

214
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She said, deflecting.

215
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I'm like, you right.

216
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Damn, bitch,
you good at this.

217
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She told me one of my triggers
was passive aggression.

218
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I don't like
passive aggression.

219
00:09:18.849 --> 00:09:20.601
Mean what you say.
Say what you mean.

220
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I don't like passive
aggression at all,

221
00:09:22.144 --> 00:09:24.021
and I worked a lot of jobs.
[applause]

222
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A lot of victims
of passive aggression.

223
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A lot of office jobs--

224
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Yes.

225
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No, for real, and it runs
rampant in office jobs.

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White people, y'all know
'cause y'all the masters

227
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of passive aggression.

228
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Y'all love being
the masters of stuff.

229
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Anyway--

230
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I didn't write history, nigga.

231
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So I was working at
this Office Max right,

232
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and it got so
passive aggressive.

233
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At one point I stood
up and I was like,

234
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I'd rather go back
to selling crack

235
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than deal with this passive
aggressive bullshit y'all on.

236
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And I know that's crazy
to yell at your job

237
00:10:07.732 --> 00:10:10.693
or anywhere ever,

238
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but for that brief moment
I meant that shit.

239
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'Cause, listen, there's a lot
of risks to selling crack,

240
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all right, like other gangsters
selling crack,

241
00:10:17.491 --> 00:10:20.453
police looking for people
selling crack,

242
00:10:20.536 --> 00:10:23.414
math, but--

243
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the thing you do not
ever have to worry about

244
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is passive aggression.

245
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I've never met a passive
aggressive drug dealer

246
00:10:29.754 --> 00:10:31.255
or gangster in my life.

247
00:10:31.339 --> 00:10:32.673
I've never been selling
drugs in a rival gangster's

248
00:10:32.757 --> 00:10:34.383
territory and he walks up like,

249
00:10:34.467 --> 00:10:36.844
[laughs derisively]

250
00:10:39.972 --> 00:10:45.102
I guess we sell drugs
wherever we want to these days.

251
00:10:45.186 --> 00:10:49.231
Oh, no, do your thing, playa.
[laughs]

252
00:10:49.315 --> 00:10:51.734
Check your email, nigga.

253
00:10:54.278 --> 00:10:56.489
I've never seen that
a day in my life.

254
00:10:59.158 --> 00:11:01.327
Is this your lady right here?
- Yeah.

255
00:11:01.410 --> 00:11:03.245
- How long y'all been together?

256
00:11:03.329 --> 00:11:05.706
- 15 years.
[cheers and applause]

257
00:11:05.790 --> 00:11:07.291
I love love, man.

258
00:11:07.375 --> 00:11:09.710
So, how'd y'all meet?

259
00:11:18.177 --> 00:11:21.931
- So just to recap,

260
00:11:22.014 --> 00:11:23.599
I asked this nigga,
where'd y'all meet?

261
00:11:23.682 --> 00:11:27.728
He's like,
we met at a, uh...uh...

262
00:11:27.812 --> 00:11:30.189
a party.

263
00:11:30.272 --> 00:11:32.483
Sound like an orgy to me.

264
00:11:35.111 --> 00:11:38.697
Hey girl, where you from?

265
00:11:38.781 --> 00:11:41.742
Shit, you know where
I'm from, brother.

266
00:11:41.826 --> 00:11:43.953
Shit, we should talk later.

267
00:11:44.036 --> 00:11:46.080
One second.
[grunting]

268
00:11:46.163 --> 00:11:47.706
Morphin' time.

269
00:11:49.875 --> 00:11:52.795
I don't know why I
thought when you cum

270
00:11:52.878 --> 00:11:55.423
you yell like a Power Ranger.

271
00:11:59.969 --> 00:12:02.680
My parents been
together for 40 years.

272
00:12:02.763 --> 00:12:05.433
I think that's
the accurate number.

273
00:12:07.393 --> 00:12:08.602
Thank you for clapping.

274
00:12:08.686 --> 00:12:09.770
I'll let them know you did.

275
00:12:09.854 --> 00:12:11.564
I had nothing to do with it.

276
00:12:11.647 --> 00:12:13.232
I've been trying to
break 'em up for years.

277
00:12:13.315 --> 00:12:14.984
No, I'm playing.

278
00:12:16.402 --> 00:12:17.653
No, it's cool.
We just never

279
00:12:17.736 --> 00:12:19.280
talked about mental health.

280
00:12:19.363 --> 00:12:20.865
We never talked about that
type of shit, you know.

281
00:12:20.948 --> 00:12:22.408
So I knew I had
a lot of resentment

282
00:12:22.491 --> 00:12:23.868
and I knew I was gonna
come back to them, right?

283
00:12:23.951 --> 00:12:25.494
I had spent some time
with Deborah.

284
00:12:25.578 --> 00:12:27.204
I had to have tough
conversations with my parents.

285
00:12:27.288 --> 00:12:28.664
And I called them,
and I just knew they wasn't

286
00:12:28.747 --> 00:12:30.082
gonna be ready for this.

287
00:12:30.166 --> 00:12:31.459
I was like, hey,

288
00:12:31.542 --> 00:12:33.043
we gon have
some tough conversations,

289
00:12:33.127 --> 00:12:35.129
'cause I got a lot of
built up resentment,

290
00:12:35.212 --> 00:12:36.505
and we need to work through it.

291
00:12:36.589 --> 00:12:38.299
So y'all better be ready.

292
00:12:38.382 --> 00:12:43.345
You ever been mad expecting
somebody to push back,

293
00:12:43.429 --> 00:12:45.848
and they don't at all?

294
00:12:47.349 --> 00:12:50.269
They were like, whenever
you're ready to talk,

295
00:12:50.352 --> 00:12:52.188
we're ready to listen.

296
00:12:52.271 --> 00:12:53.564
I'm already mad, nigga.

297
00:12:53.647 --> 00:12:55.441
I've decided I'm mad.

298
00:12:55.524 --> 00:12:57.651
I'm like, what?

299
00:12:59.778 --> 00:13:01.197
They're like, whenever
you're ready to talk,

300
00:13:01.280 --> 00:13:02.781
we're ready to have
the tough conversations.

301
00:13:02.865 --> 00:13:06.577
I'm like, nigga, what the
fuck is going right now?

302
00:13:07.578 --> 00:13:09.538
And I couldn't stop
being mad, so now

303
00:13:09.622 --> 00:13:11.040
we're just talking
about regular shit

304
00:13:11.123 --> 00:13:12.291
and I sound mad as hell.

305
00:13:12.374 --> 00:13:13.501
I'm like,
so what y'all cooking later?

306
00:13:13.584 --> 00:13:16.003
You know what I mean, just--

307
00:13:18.797 --> 00:13:21.342
I would always lose complain
offs with my friends.

308
00:13:21.425 --> 00:13:23.469
Always, 'cause I had two
parents, you know what I mean?

309
00:13:23.552 --> 00:13:25.179
If you don't know what
a complain off is,

310
00:13:25.262 --> 00:13:27.431
a complain off is when you're
sitting in a circle with

311
00:13:27.515 --> 00:13:30.684
your friends and all y'all are
complaining about your life

312
00:13:30.768 --> 00:13:34.063
until some sad motherfucker
wins,

313
00:13:34.146 --> 00:13:36.148
and everybody's like,
yeah, nigga, that's fucked up.

314
00:13:36.232 --> 00:13:37.858
You take it.

315
00:13:37.942 --> 00:13:39.610
But they lose, too, 'cause they
have to go back to that life

316
00:13:39.693 --> 00:13:41.737
after the game over.

317
00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:44.615
Don't know why we
played this game.

318
00:13:44.698 --> 00:13:46.033
I would always lose, man.

319
00:13:46.116 --> 00:13:47.660
My cousin Trey
would always come in like,

320
00:13:47.743 --> 00:13:49.078
Chris you don't know shit about
struggle, dawg,

321
00:13:49.161 --> 00:13:50.454
you got two parents, my nigga.

322
00:13:50.538 --> 00:13:52.081
Like, I ain't even
know my dad, my nigga,

323
00:13:52.164 --> 00:13:53.999
and my mom had to work
three jobs and shit, dawg.

324
00:13:54.083 --> 00:13:56.252
So it was me raising
me and my fucking

325
00:13:56.335 --> 00:13:58.337
sisters and brothers since
I was 10 years old, Chris.

326
00:13:58.420 --> 00:13:59.588
You don't know shit about that.

327
00:13:59.672 --> 00:14:01.674
And I was like, fair.

328
00:14:03.175 --> 00:14:05.886
We weren't even talking
about that, dawg.

329
00:14:05.970 --> 00:14:07.429
We were in here playing
"Mario Kart"

330
00:14:07.513 --> 00:14:09.598
'cause we are children.

331
00:14:13.852 --> 00:14:15.229
But it ain't always sweet.

332
00:14:15.312 --> 00:14:16.564
You ever have two people
not believe in your

333
00:14:16.647 --> 00:14:18.440
dreams equally?

334
00:14:18.524 --> 00:14:20.276
You have one person like,
you ain't going to be shit.

335
00:14:20.359 --> 00:14:21.860
Somebody else already libs,
sure ain't.

336
00:14:21.944 --> 00:14:24.363
That's fucked up.

337
00:14:24.446 --> 00:14:27.032
People think I'm living
my dream right now.

338
00:14:27.116 --> 00:14:29.410
Like, what was your
dream as a kid?

339
00:14:29.493 --> 00:14:31.036
What's your name?

340
00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:33.539
- Carter, what do
you do right now?

341
00:14:34.623 --> 00:14:37.293
- You're a surgeon?
- Wow.

342
00:14:37.376 --> 00:14:42.298
[applause]

343
00:14:42.381 --> 00:14:44.883
- Now are you a single surgeon?

344
00:14:46.302 --> 00:14:47.803
- Not for long.

345
00:14:47.886 --> 00:14:50.681
[laughter, applause]

346
00:14:50.764 --> 00:14:54.143
As soon as this nigga said
surgeon, pussy got wet.

347
00:14:54.226 --> 00:14:56.061
Ooh!

348
00:14:56.145 --> 00:14:57.855
Oh, damn.

349
00:14:57.938 --> 00:15:00.190
I got a cut right here.

350
00:15:07.239 --> 00:15:09.450
When you were a kid,
what was your kid dream?

351
00:15:10.701 --> 00:15:13.037
- You wanna do this?
You wanna talk shit?

352
00:15:15.539 --> 00:15:17.416
But your parents
like you're a surgeon?

353
00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:22.254
- You just sucked at this?

354
00:15:22.338 --> 00:15:23.505
- So you were like,
I'm gonna just

355
00:15:23.589 --> 00:15:25.716
put people together, then.

356
00:15:28.093 --> 00:15:29.511
He's like, knock, knock.
Who's there?

357
00:15:29.595 --> 00:15:32.056
A surgeon, I guess
'cause I suck at this.

358
00:15:35.142 --> 00:15:36.477
That's fire, man.

359
00:15:36.560 --> 00:15:40.606
I mean, your backup
plan was an amazing job.

360
00:15:42.858 --> 00:15:46.195
This nigga looking
like he sad, nigga.

361
00:15:46.278 --> 00:15:49.948
This nigga be cutting
people up to Donell Jones.

362
00:15:52.701 --> 00:15:56.538
♪ Where I wanna be ♪

363
00:15:57.414 --> 00:16:00.250
[vocalizing]

364
00:16:03.170 --> 00:16:05.547
People think I'm living
my dream right now, man,

365
00:16:05.631 --> 00:16:06.632
'cause I'm on "SNL."

366
00:16:06.715 --> 00:16:08.300
People think I'm
living my dream.

367
00:16:08.384 --> 00:16:11.512
[cheers and applause]

368
00:16:15.849 --> 00:16:17.685
I'm living White
people's dreams.

369
00:16:17.768 --> 00:16:21.730
See, I know I'm having a great
time, but y'all love "SNL"

370
00:16:21.814 --> 00:16:22.898
on a different level.

371
00:16:22.981 --> 00:16:24.566
White people love "SNL"
in a way

372
00:16:24.650 --> 00:16:26.402
that, like, if there was a flag
to put on your house

373
00:16:26.485 --> 00:16:28.362
you would have it

374
00:16:28.445 --> 00:16:33.325
with, like, the years that you
actually watched the show.

375
00:16:33.409 --> 00:16:35.911
'Cause only White "SNL"
fans run up to me like,

376
00:16:35.994 --> 00:16:37.538
ooh, you're living
your dream, Chris!

377
00:16:37.621 --> 00:16:39.456
And I'm like,
first of all get off me.

378
00:16:39.540 --> 00:16:42.042
Second of all, dream?

379
00:16:42.126 --> 00:16:43.168
Chill.

380
00:16:43.252 --> 00:16:45.003
I'm grateful.
I'm very blessed.

381
00:16:45.087 --> 00:16:46.130
It's changed my life,

382
00:16:46.213 --> 00:16:47.464
but dream?

383
00:16:47.548 --> 00:16:52.428
You think I be 5'6"
in my dreams?

384
00:16:52.511 --> 00:16:53.721
Nigga, no.

385
00:16:53.804 --> 00:16:56.265
I be 6'10" with wings.

386
00:16:56.348 --> 00:17:00.769
Same size dick,
fucking in the sky.

387
00:17:00.853 --> 00:17:02.771
That's a dream.

388
00:17:02.855 --> 00:17:05.816
No, my first dream was to
be a basketball player.

389
00:17:05.899 --> 00:17:08.694
Do you know how
good you gotta be

390
00:17:08.777 --> 00:17:11.947
at 5'6" to make it to the NBA

391
00:17:12.030 --> 00:17:17.911
only to be remembered as the
little nigga that survived?

392
00:17:17.995 --> 00:17:19.329
What kind of legacy is that?

393
00:17:19.413 --> 00:17:21.123
Muggsy Bogues--
- Yup.

394
00:17:21.206 --> 00:17:22.458
- Uh-huh, yup. You said yup.

395
00:17:22.541 --> 00:17:23.625
You don't know
one motherfuckin' stat

396
00:17:23.709 --> 00:17:25.127
about Muggsy Bogues.

397
00:17:25.210 --> 00:17:26.837
All you know is that
little nigga made it.

398
00:17:26.920 --> 00:17:29.131
And that's fucked up.

399
00:17:29.214 --> 00:17:30.674
That's fucked up.

400
00:17:30.758 --> 00:17:33.886
Now add on top of
that the fact that I'm

401
00:17:33.969 --> 00:17:37.639
not good at basketball.

402
00:17:37.723 --> 00:17:40.768
Some would say it's
an impossible task.

403
00:17:40.851 --> 00:17:43.979
Then my parents gonna move us
to the motherfuckin' suburbs.

404
00:17:44.062 --> 00:17:45.564
So I'm in a White high school

405
00:17:45.647 --> 00:17:48.108
playing with these
racists who think I'm good

406
00:17:48.192 --> 00:17:49.568
just 'cause I'm Black.

407
00:17:49.651 --> 00:17:52.571
I felt like Rosa Parks,
Martin Luther King.

408
00:17:52.654 --> 00:17:55.282
Because the stereotype was
niggas can play basketball.

409
00:17:55.365 --> 00:17:58.744
Well, I was there to show
them not every one of us.

410
00:18:00.162 --> 00:18:03.665
[cheers and applause]

411
00:18:03.749 --> 00:18:05.834
I swear to God I was
sitting there bro,

412
00:18:05.918 --> 00:18:07.419
and I was sitting there
waiting to get picked.

413
00:18:07.503 --> 00:18:09.087
They picked me first.
They were like, you.

414
00:18:09.171 --> 00:18:11.381
I'm like, you're
going to regret that.

415
00:18:13.467 --> 00:18:15.511
Right before the game started
I was like, hike,

416
00:18:15.594 --> 00:18:18.263
just to fuck 'em up,
you know what I mean? Just to--

417
00:18:20.474 --> 00:18:23.435
I was terrible
at that shit, man.

418
00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:25.687
I remember asking my dad
for a basketball hoop.

419
00:18:25.771 --> 00:18:27.689
He was like, nigga, for what?

420
00:18:29.733 --> 00:18:31.026
Because I want to
play basketball.

421
00:18:31.109 --> 00:18:33.403
Nigga, for who?

422
00:18:33.487 --> 00:18:35.197
The NBA.
What that stand for?

423
00:18:35.280 --> 00:18:36.907
No, Boy, Ah-uh.

424
00:18:42.371 --> 00:18:44.373
The dream I chased a long
time was being a rapper.

425
00:18:44.456 --> 00:18:46.625
From 10 to 23, no one
could tell me I wasn't

426
00:18:46.708 --> 00:18:47.876
gonna be a rapper, bro.

427
00:18:47.960 --> 00:18:50.212
Nobody could tell
me except time.

428
00:18:50.295 --> 00:18:54.424
Time told me pretty abruptly.

429
00:18:54.508 --> 00:18:56.385
I appreciate it so much,
'cause I still write

430
00:18:56.468 --> 00:18:58.428
and all that shit,
but a lot of what I did there

431
00:18:58.512 --> 00:19:00.138
helps me what I do now.

432
00:19:00.222 --> 00:19:02.349
But some stuff doesn't
cross over, you know?

433
00:19:02.432 --> 00:19:03.934
Like how you hold the mic.

434
00:19:04.017 --> 00:19:05.936
This is a very
comedic way to hold

435
00:19:06.019 --> 00:19:07.396
a motherfucking microphone.

436
00:19:07.479 --> 00:19:09.398
Y'all know by the way
I'm holding this mic

437
00:19:09.481 --> 00:19:11.441
that some jokes is coming,
but if I was to

438
00:19:11.525 --> 00:19:13.318
hold the mic like this,

439
00:19:13.402 --> 00:19:16.238
that's a different
motherfucking energy, nigga.

440
00:19:16.321 --> 00:19:18.073
You ever been to
a Walgreens, bitch?

441
00:19:18.156 --> 00:19:20.325
Like, no one needs that.

442
00:19:22.661 --> 00:19:23.954
The other thing
that's different

443
00:19:24.037 --> 00:19:25.372
is the way we talk
to our haters.

444
00:19:25.455 --> 00:19:26.874
Now there's some
similarities, you know.

445
00:19:26.957 --> 00:19:30.544
Battle rap and roasting,
pretty much aligned.

446
00:19:30.627 --> 00:19:32.796
But rap is always
cooler about shit, you know.

447
00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:34.423
The first time I heard
a rapper address a hater

448
00:19:34.506 --> 00:19:36.258
was at the beginning of a song,
it was Biggie.

449
00:19:36.341 --> 00:19:38.302
He was like, this for the
third grade teacher

450
00:19:38.385 --> 00:19:39.928
who said I would never be shit,

451
00:19:40.012 --> 00:19:41.430
and I thought that was dope.

452
00:19:41.513 --> 00:19:42.973
I would do that all the
time on my rap tracks.

453
00:19:43.056 --> 00:19:44.266
Like, this is for the
motherfuckers who said I

454
00:19:44.349 --> 00:19:45.726
would never be shit in music.

455
00:19:45.809 --> 00:19:47.060
But see my haters
were right, and that's

456
00:19:47.144 --> 00:19:49.563
a very different rap song.

457
00:19:50.856 --> 00:19:52.608
You know, this is for
all the people who said I

458
00:19:52.691 --> 00:19:54.484
would never be shit in music.

459
00:19:54.568 --> 00:19:57.446
Y'all nailed that, damn.

460
00:19:57.529 --> 00:19:59.323
Crazy.
I wanted to be a gangster.

461
00:19:59.406 --> 00:20:00.782
Man, I asked my
big cousin, Trey,

462
00:20:00.866 --> 00:20:02.409
come on, cuz, I wanna
be in the game.

463
00:20:02.492 --> 00:20:03.911
He's like, all right, man,
I'ma introduce you

464
00:20:03.994 --> 00:20:05.579
to my homie Chino.

465
00:20:05.662 --> 00:20:07.122
If he think you're good, he's
going to get you some shit.

466
00:20:07.205 --> 00:20:08.290
But if you don't
sell all that dawg,

467
00:20:08.373 --> 00:20:09.625
it's gon' be a problem.

468
00:20:09.708 --> 00:20:11.084
I'm like, I could
sell anything.

469
00:20:11.168 --> 00:20:12.669
I can sell water to a whale.

470
00:20:12.753 --> 00:20:15.672
This is a kid who has
never seen a whale before.

471
00:20:16.840 --> 00:20:18.634
So we get there to
Chino's house, right.

472
00:20:18.717 --> 00:20:20.260
We're sitting in Chino's house.

473
00:20:20.344 --> 00:20:22.012
Chino has a gun all
the time, you know.

474
00:20:22.095 --> 00:20:23.847
And I was like, hey what's
up, Chino, how are you doing.

475
00:20:23.931 --> 00:20:25.849
He's like, ain't no
shake hands, my nigga.

476
00:20:25.933 --> 00:20:27.309
So you're trying
to sell that shit?

477
00:20:27.392 --> 00:20:28.769
I'm like, yeah.

478
00:20:28.852 --> 00:20:30.228
Like, all right, I'ma
give you this.

479
00:20:30.312 --> 00:20:32.272
If you don't sell
all that...

480
00:20:32.356 --> 00:20:33.982
[imitates gunshot]

481
00:20:34.066 --> 00:20:36.652
And I looked at my big
cousin like, obviously you're

482
00:20:36.735 --> 00:20:41.365
not gonna let him cap me

483
00:20:41.448 --> 00:20:44.159
And he was like, mm?
I'm like that's not the res--

484
00:20:44.242 --> 00:20:46.119
No, wait!

485
00:20:46.203 --> 00:20:48.246
But I was too confident, and
I also had the shit to prove.

486
00:20:48.330 --> 00:20:49.998
I lived in the suburbs.
I had to commute to the hood.

487
00:20:50.082 --> 00:20:52.793
That is not a gangster
way to travel.

488
00:20:53.919 --> 00:20:55.712
I was sitting on the
train like, we gon'

489
00:20:55.796 --> 00:20:58.131
be there in a minute.

490
00:21:00.884 --> 00:21:02.594
And I went and sold crack
for one week.

491
00:21:02.678 --> 00:21:04.096
I sold a lot of drugs.

492
00:21:04.179 --> 00:21:05.764
I sold weed.
I was pretty good at that

493
00:21:05.847 --> 00:21:08.850
till I started smoking
most of it.

494
00:21:08.934 --> 00:21:10.352
And I sold crack for one week.

495
00:21:10.435 --> 00:21:11.687
You know, I had to
get out the game.

496
00:21:11.770 --> 00:21:15.357
You gotta like
who you work with.

497
00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:17.067
I don't know if you know
this, but crack heads?

498
00:21:17.150 --> 00:21:19.361
Unpredictable, you know?

499
00:21:21.029 --> 00:21:22.781
I was in high school, nigga.
I had homework.

500
00:21:22.864 --> 00:21:24.032
I had shit to do.

501
00:21:24.116 --> 00:21:26.868
These niggas don't have stuff.

502
00:21:26.952 --> 00:21:28.662
I sold one bag to
this crackhead,

503
00:21:28.745 --> 00:21:29.997
and he was like, thank you.

504
00:21:30.080 --> 00:21:31.456
I closed the door.
This nigga said,

505
00:21:31.540 --> 00:21:34.418
ding dong, nigga.

506
00:21:36.044 --> 00:21:37.838
I'm like, dawg,
I just sold it to you.

507
00:21:37.921 --> 00:21:39.214
He's like, mm-mm,
that was another man.

508
00:21:39.298 --> 00:21:42.050
No, it wasn't.

509
00:21:42.134 --> 00:21:44.302
It was you.
Also, I don't have a doorbell.

510
00:21:44.386 --> 00:21:47.806
Why are you just
saying ding dong?

511
00:21:47.889 --> 00:21:50.058
But I remember bringing
that shit back to him.

512
00:21:50.142 --> 00:21:51.727
I brought all the crack back.

513
00:21:51.810 --> 00:21:53.270
And my nigga,
from the trenches,

514
00:21:53.353 --> 00:21:55.480
you know that's not
how drug dealing works.

515
00:21:57.816 --> 00:21:59.484
Crack don't come with
a receipt, nigga.

516
00:21:59.568 --> 00:22:01.486
You can't bring it back.

517
00:22:01.570 --> 00:22:02.904
Bro, I brought that shit back.

518
00:22:02.988 --> 00:22:05.866
I set it down on the table
like, hey, Chino,

519
00:22:05.949 --> 00:22:08.410
here you go.

520
00:22:08.493 --> 00:22:12.247
I sold a little bit, and
that's what I got from that.

521
00:22:14.666 --> 00:22:17.127
I'm out the game, Chino.

522
00:22:19.838 --> 00:22:23.258
There's not a piece of
crack missing from that.

523
00:22:23.341 --> 00:22:24.593
I didn't even
talk like a nigger

524
00:22:24.676 --> 00:22:26.887
who knew how to sell drugs.

525
00:22:26.970 --> 00:22:30.599
He's like hey, yo,
sorry, but, like, you know

526
00:22:30.682 --> 00:22:31.808
what has to happen now.

527
00:22:31.892 --> 00:22:33.435
He stood up.
I stood up.

528
00:22:33.518 --> 00:22:35.103
He showed me the pistol.

529
00:22:35.187 --> 00:22:36.438
It was sitting in there.

530
00:22:36.521 --> 00:22:38.482
I was like, uh, come on,
Chino, it's right there.

531
00:22:38.565 --> 00:22:40.025
You can just sell
that shit yourself.

532
00:22:40.108 --> 00:22:43.987
No, no, nigga. I told you.
[imitates gunshot]

533
00:22:44.071 --> 00:22:45.947
I'm like, but what if we don't
[imitates gunshot], nigga?

534
00:22:46.031 --> 00:22:48.033
What if we do
something different?

535
00:22:48.116 --> 00:22:49.618
He's like, no,
turn around, nigga.

536
00:22:49.701 --> 00:22:52.496
I'm like, no.

537
00:22:52.579 --> 00:22:55.123
Absolutely not, 'cause listen.
This is a tense moment.

538
00:22:55.207 --> 00:22:56.708
If I'm about to
get shot, I'm not

539
00:22:56.792 --> 00:22:58.960
about to fuckin' turn around.

540
00:22:59.044 --> 00:23:01.671
No, nigga you have to--
nigga, hit me.

541
00:23:01.755 --> 00:23:03.048
Hit me, nigga.

542
00:23:03.131 --> 00:23:05.842
Hope you can shoot
a moving target, nigga.

543
00:23:07.761 --> 00:23:09.346
So he's like, turn around.
I'm like, no.

544
00:23:09.429 --> 00:23:10.972
Turn around!
No!

545
00:23:11.056 --> 00:23:14.643
Then he pulled the gun out.
It was just the handle.

546
00:23:14.726 --> 00:23:16.436
I'm like, Chino.
He's like, that's why

547
00:23:16.520 --> 00:23:20.232
I wanted you to turn around,
so I can go get my real gun.

548
00:23:20.315 --> 00:23:21.358
He ran to get his real gun.

549
00:23:21.441 --> 00:23:22.943
I ran home to my grandma house.

550
00:23:23.026 --> 00:23:24.486
I got to grandma's house.
He knocked on the door.

551
00:23:24.569 --> 00:23:26.154
My grandma came out
with a Desert Eagle.

552
00:23:26.238 --> 00:23:27.614
She was like, Chino, take
your little bitch ass home.

553
00:23:27.697 --> 00:23:30.325
You better be in
church tomorrow.

554
00:23:31.326 --> 00:23:35.288
And that joke is about
women's strength, really.

555
00:23:35.372 --> 00:23:38.959
[cheers and applause]

556
00:23:45.257 --> 00:23:48.468
Oh, man, I wanted to
be a gangster so bad.

557
00:23:48.552 --> 00:23:53.348
I love the way like weed is
right now bro, edible-wise.

558
00:23:53.431 --> 00:23:57.227
Like, I know Saint Louis,
y'all in that gray area.

559
00:23:57.310 --> 00:23:59.354
Y'all in that gray
area right now, right?

560
00:23:59.437 --> 00:24:01.773
It's jus--Chicago,
we was in that gray area

561
00:24:01.857 --> 00:24:06.153
a long time, the gray area
is terrible for us,

562
00:24:06.236 --> 00:24:09.990
Black people, because you
gotta know where you stand,

563
00:24:10.073 --> 00:24:11.449
and that gray area is weird.

564
00:24:11.533 --> 00:24:14.661
It's like, it's
decriminalized but illegal.

565
00:24:14.744 --> 00:24:17.414
Then what the fuck
do I do, nigga?

566
00:24:18.707 --> 00:24:20.292
See, right now you could
be like, whoop-whoop. Uh-oh!

567
00:24:20.375 --> 00:24:24.754
Hide the weed, I think.
You know what I mean?

568
00:24:24.838 --> 00:24:26.381
Like, you--
ohh, you in trouble.

569
00:24:26.464 --> 00:24:29.843
Am I going to jail?
You're not not going to jail.

570
00:24:31.303 --> 00:24:32.721
Can I go home?
You can't.

571
00:24:32.804 --> 00:24:34.598
Well--mm-mm.

572
00:24:35.974 --> 00:24:38.727
It's a weird place to be at
man, especially because weed

573
00:24:38.810 --> 00:24:40.896
is the edibles game right now.

574
00:24:40.979 --> 00:24:44.065
We in the Jetsons as far as
edibles are concerned, dawg.

575
00:24:44.149 --> 00:24:47.569
The technological advancements
of weed is fire, bro.

576
00:24:47.652 --> 00:24:49.112
Are you kidding me?

577
00:24:49.196 --> 00:24:51.072
You can have any snack
you like with weed in it.

578
00:24:51.156 --> 00:24:52.991
That's crazy.
Chocolate chip cookie--

579
00:24:53.074 --> 00:24:54.242
tastes like
a chocolate chip cookie.

580
00:24:54.326 --> 00:24:56.369
Weed is in there.
Nigga, how?

581
00:24:56.453 --> 00:24:58.580
Surgeon?

582
00:24:59.789 --> 00:25:01.791
Shit's amazing,
'cause I come from an era

583
00:25:01.875 --> 00:25:04.669
where you had to buy weed
cookies from a grown man

584
00:25:04.753 --> 00:25:07.547
that does not bake.

585
00:25:10.008 --> 00:25:11.593
Y'all ever had to
walk in a trap house

586
00:25:11.676 --> 00:25:14.095
and buy weed cookies from
a grown gangster making cookies

587
00:25:14.179 --> 00:25:16.431
for the first time?

588
00:25:16.514 --> 00:25:19.142
Yo, these gonna be good
as hell, my nigga.

589
00:25:19.226 --> 00:25:22.145
No they not, Marcus.
That's a macaroni pie.

590
00:25:23.563 --> 00:25:25.982
That is not how you
make cookies, dawg.

591
00:25:26.066 --> 00:25:28.026
Yeah, I ate them.
I'm paying for that weed.

592
00:25:28.109 --> 00:25:29.569
Of course I'm gonna
eat those cookies,

593
00:25:29.653 --> 00:25:31.863
but they were terrible.

594
00:25:31.947 --> 00:25:33.114
They taste nasty.

595
00:25:33.198 --> 00:25:34.366
And like old macaroni.

596
00:25:34.449 --> 00:25:37.285
You ain't cleaned the pot?

597
00:25:37.369 --> 00:25:39.913
My teeth were green like I was
eating lawnmower clippings.

598
00:25:39.996 --> 00:25:43.375
I'm high, but at
what cost, ma'am?

599
00:25:47.045 --> 00:25:50.215
They taste good,
that also causes a problem.

600
00:25:50.298 --> 00:25:52.133
Because, see,
a nigga like me,

601
00:25:52.217 --> 00:25:53.760
I like to get high
in the TSA line,

602
00:25:53.843 --> 00:25:55.262
especially when it's busy,
'cause by the time

603
00:25:55.345 --> 00:25:57.389
I get on the plane,
they kicking in.

604
00:25:57.472 --> 00:25:59.516
Plane taking off,
I'm taking off,

605
00:25:59.599 --> 00:26:02.018
we all getting high together,

606
00:26:02.102 --> 00:26:03.436
you know what I'm saying?

607
00:26:03.520 --> 00:26:06.064
[cheers and applause]

608
00:26:06.147 --> 00:26:08.900
You know?

609
00:26:08.984 --> 00:26:11.194
I'm building community.

610
00:26:12.779 --> 00:26:14.656
So sometimes I finish
my snack cookie.

611
00:26:14.739 --> 00:26:16.992
I remember I was like,
mmm, snack cookie done.

612
00:26:17.075 --> 00:26:18.702
Reach in my bag,
get my weed cookie.

613
00:26:18.785 --> 00:26:20.870
Then I pulled out an unopened
package of snack cookies,

614
00:26:20.954 --> 00:26:22.330
and I was like, what?

615
00:26:22.414 --> 00:26:23.999
How are y'all still here?
Is this "Inception"?

616
00:26:24.082 --> 00:26:26.209
'Cause I just ate you niggas.

617
00:26:26.293 --> 00:26:28.169
And then I realized
I was talking

618
00:26:28.253 --> 00:26:31.006
to fuckin' cookies,

619
00:26:31.089 --> 00:26:34.801
telltale sign you must
be high as a motherfucker.

620
00:26:34.884 --> 00:26:36.886
So I became a detective
and I reached in my bag

621
00:26:36.970 --> 00:26:38.555
to pull out the evidence,
see how much

622
00:26:38.638 --> 00:26:42.017
weed I ate by accident,
and it said 550 milligrams.

623
00:26:43.268 --> 00:26:46.229
Oh, some of y'all
do weed math, too.

624
00:26:49.316 --> 00:26:52.694
If you don't, it's a lot,
motherfucker.

625
00:26:52.777 --> 00:26:56.323
I lost my heartbeat
for five minutes straight.

626
00:26:56.406 --> 00:26:57.949
Could not find that bitch.
Ohh!

627
00:26:58.033 --> 00:27:00.452
Where's the beat, nigga?
Where's the beat?

628
00:27:00.535 --> 00:27:02.203
I was like a deaf
rapper in the booth.

629
00:27:02.287 --> 00:27:03.621
Nigga, where's the beat?

630
00:27:03.705 --> 00:27:05.999
I can't find the beat.

631
00:27:06.082 --> 00:27:08.376
I asked the dude behind me
what my heart beat was, dawg.

632
00:27:08.460 --> 00:27:11.254
Like, where's my heartbeat at,
yo?

633
00:27:11.338 --> 00:27:12.797
That boy was saying, huh?

634
00:27:12.881 --> 00:27:16.509
It's 6:45 in the morning.

635
00:27:16.593 --> 00:27:17.802
I turn back around
like, he don't know

636
00:27:17.886 --> 00:27:19.846
where my heartbeat at.

637
00:27:19.929 --> 00:27:21.681
Like it was his fault.

638
00:27:21.765 --> 00:27:23.725
I was losing my
fuckin' mind, dawg.

639
00:27:23.808 --> 00:27:25.727
I was getting higher
by the second,

640
00:27:25.810 --> 00:27:26.978
and I was just seeing shit.

641
00:27:27.062 --> 00:27:28.563
I got all type
of shit going on.

642
00:27:28.646 --> 00:27:31.900
My ADHD got me paying
attention to dumb shit.

643
00:27:31.983 --> 00:27:33.735
I saw the motherfucking
dawg come around.

644
00:27:33.818 --> 00:27:35.111
I know this nigga
sniffs for bombs,

645
00:27:35.195 --> 00:27:36.488
but I'm thinking
this thing's gonna get up

646
00:27:36.571 --> 00:27:39.783
on two hind legs like,
that nigga high.

647
00:27:45.997 --> 00:27:48.958
Ruff. You know, like dogs do.

648
00:27:53.588 --> 00:27:55.298
My anxiety is like, nigga
what if they find out

649
00:27:55.382 --> 00:27:58.426
about everything you ever did?

650
00:27:58.510 --> 00:27:59.636
How?

651
00:27:59.719 --> 00:28:01.304
And my depression's
like, hey nigga,

652
00:28:01.388 --> 00:28:03.431
remember the last time
you cried in the bathtub?

653
00:28:03.515 --> 00:28:04.891
Like, no.

654
00:28:04.974 --> 00:28:06.726
I never cry in the bathtub.
Nigga, I was crying

655
00:28:06.810 --> 00:28:08.186
and I got in the tub
eventually, nigga.

656
00:28:08.269 --> 00:28:12.315
That's different.

657
00:28:12.399 --> 00:28:13.942
But then I started
talking to myself.

658
00:28:14.025 --> 00:28:16.152
We've all been too high before,
or the people that

659
00:28:16.236 --> 00:28:17.946
are in here who've been high.

660
00:28:18.029 --> 00:28:19.572
You know what it is.

661
00:28:19.656 --> 00:28:21.032
You got to talk to yourself
nigga, like an adult.

662
00:28:21.116 --> 00:28:22.784
Like hey, hey,
come on motherfucker!

663
00:28:22.867 --> 00:28:25.662
Come on!

664
00:28:25.745 --> 00:28:28.623
Come on, nigga! Come on.

665
00:28:28.706 --> 00:28:31.126
You are Christopher Redd.

666
00:28:33.420 --> 00:28:37.715
You've been high before,
thousands of times.

667
00:28:37.799 --> 00:28:40.135
Get yourself together.

668
00:28:41.761 --> 00:28:43.221
This ain't the
first time, nigga.

669
00:28:43.304 --> 00:28:45.014
Be normal.

670
00:28:46.724 --> 00:28:49.227
Be normal!

671
00:28:49.310 --> 00:28:50.979
You know what normal
people don't do?

672
00:28:51.062 --> 00:28:53.440
Yell, be normal, to yourself

673
00:28:53.523 --> 00:28:56.818
in a fucking airport.

674
00:28:56.901 --> 00:28:59.028
Because I thought I was
thinking this shit, my nigga.

675
00:28:59.112 --> 00:29:01.239
I thought I was really
up here with it.

676
00:29:01.322 --> 00:29:02.866
No.

677
00:29:02.949 --> 00:29:06.327
I yelled, be normal, bro.

678
00:29:06.411 --> 00:29:08.830
Be normal!

679
00:29:08.913 --> 00:29:10.457
The dude in front of
me was like, what?

680
00:29:10.540 --> 00:29:12.959
I was like, me, me. Mm-mm.

681
00:29:16.504 --> 00:29:18.840
I'm bugging, bro.
I'm losing my shit.

682
00:29:18.923 --> 00:29:22.343
Then the line starts moving,
and my head goes crazy.

683
00:29:22.427 --> 00:29:23.970
Oh, shit, line moving, nigga.

684
00:29:24.053 --> 00:29:27.265
Walk normal.
Walk normal!

685
00:29:30.935 --> 00:29:32.604
Yo, say, hi.
Good morning.

686
00:29:32.687 --> 00:29:34.272
Hi. Good morning.

687
00:29:34.355 --> 00:29:35.273
Hi.

688
00:29:35.356 --> 00:29:36.524
Nigga, you are not a Nazi.

689
00:29:36.608 --> 00:29:39.694
What are you doing?

690
00:29:39.777 --> 00:29:43.448
But I did that for 35 minutes.

691
00:29:43.531 --> 00:29:44.866
I said, what's up,
good morning,

692
00:29:44.949 --> 00:29:49.579
to the same motherfucker
35 times.

693
00:29:49.662 --> 00:29:52.415
Yo, but the last time
I said that shit bro,

694
00:29:52.499 --> 00:29:55.543
last time I said this shit this
motherfucker lost his mind.

695
00:29:55.627 --> 00:29:58.838
He was like, it's not
a good morning no more, dawg!

696
00:30:01.257 --> 00:30:03.092
But I was too high.
I didn't even know

697
00:30:03.176 --> 00:30:04.844
I was the cause of his anger,
nigga.

698
00:30:04.928 --> 00:30:08.681
I saw him do that and I was
like, damn, he stressed out.

699
00:30:10.517 --> 00:30:12.018
He need a cookie.

700
00:30:14.145 --> 00:30:15.939
I was high as shit.
So normal things

701
00:30:16.022 --> 00:30:18.566
that annoy me--
which is a lot of things--

702
00:30:18.650 --> 00:30:20.026
were annoying me even more.

703
00:30:20.109 --> 00:30:22.779
Plane was delayed.
Fuckin' hate plane delays.

704
00:30:22.862 --> 00:30:24.697
No, why I hate 'em? Not just
'cause you have to wait,

705
00:30:24.781 --> 00:30:27.575
not 'cause it just pushes
your schedule, because it's

706
00:30:27.659 --> 00:30:29.202
the hypocrisy in it.

707
00:30:29.285 --> 00:30:32.121
Like, if we all were late to
our flights, what happens?

708
00:30:32.205 --> 00:30:34.749
That motherfucker is gone.

709
00:30:34.832 --> 00:30:37.585
But if the pilot's late,
we just

710
00:30:37.669 --> 00:30:41.256
sitting in there eating chips
on a dirty fucking carpet.

711
00:30:41.339 --> 00:30:43.550
And I've never seen
a pilot rush.

712
00:30:43.633 --> 00:30:46.302
I've never seen a late pilot
be like, oh,

713
00:30:46.386 --> 00:30:48.596
I'm so sorry, y'all.
[panting]

714
00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:51.224
I slept in.
My bad.

715
00:30:51.307 --> 00:30:52.684
Never.
They always walk calmly,

716
00:30:52.767 --> 00:30:54.018
like, thank you
for your patience.

717
00:30:54.102 --> 00:30:55.270
Bitch, I'd knock
your ass out if you

718
00:30:55.353 --> 00:30:56.896
don't fly this goddamn plane.

719
00:30:58.314 --> 00:31:00.650
Thank you for your patience.
I don't have a choice.

720
00:31:02.527 --> 00:31:04.028
So I remember
they came through.

721
00:31:04.112 --> 00:31:05.989
We finally got on the goddamn
plane, man,

722
00:31:06.072 --> 00:31:08.283
and the pilot get on,

723
00:31:08.366 --> 00:31:11.953
uh, thank you for
choosing Delta Airlines.

724
00:31:12.036 --> 00:31:16.082
Uh, just spoke to tower, says
we're 10th in line to take off.

725
00:31:16.165 --> 00:31:18.626
It's gonna be about
an hour and a half wait.

726
00:31:18.710 --> 00:31:21.004
Sorry for the further
delay, and thank you

727
00:31:21.087 --> 00:31:22.755
again for your patience.

728
00:31:22.839 --> 00:31:24.674
If we have any updates,
we'll update you.

729
00:31:24.757 --> 00:31:26.968
Thank you again
for choosing Delta.

730
00:31:27.051 --> 00:31:29.804
And I was upset.
I was high.

731
00:31:29.887 --> 00:31:33.391
So the first thing that came
out was, fuck tower, nigga.

732
00:31:36.394 --> 00:31:39.606
Fuck that nigga, tower, dawg.

733
00:31:39.689 --> 00:31:41.983
Now I know that's the job,
you know what I'm saying?

734
00:31:42.066 --> 00:31:45.778
But for once, I want
a pilot for the people.

735
00:31:45.862 --> 00:31:47.488
I want a pilot to
get on the intercom,

736
00:31:47.572 --> 00:31:50.992
be like, uh, thank you for
choosing Delta Airlines.

737
00:31:51.075 --> 00:31:52.660
Uh, this is your captain
speaking.

738
00:31:52.744 --> 00:31:54.078
Just spoke to tower.

739
00:31:54.162 --> 00:31:55.705
We're about 10th in
line to take off.

740
00:31:55.788 --> 00:31:58.625
It's gonna be about
an hour and a half wait.

741
00:31:58.708 --> 00:32:00.335
Tower doesn't realize
I'm a real nigga

742
00:32:00.418 --> 00:32:03.046
and I do real things all day.

743
00:32:03.129 --> 00:32:04.589
We'll be in the
air in five minutes

744
00:32:04.672 --> 00:32:06.007
'cause I don't play that shit.
Fuck all that.

745
00:32:06.090 --> 00:32:09.260
West Side!
Buh! Buh! Buh! Buh! Buh!

746
00:32:10.428 --> 00:32:11.763
He's hanging out the plane.

747
00:32:11.846 --> 00:32:14.182
Move, motherfucker, I'm next.

748
00:32:14.265 --> 00:32:16.225
Sometimes he don't
even land all the way.

749
00:32:16.309 --> 00:32:17.727
He just hover like,
yo, jump out.

750
00:32:17.810 --> 00:32:21.189
You're going to Kansas.

751
00:32:21.272 --> 00:32:24.692
That's the pilot
I wanna die with.

752
00:32:24.776 --> 00:32:28.363
Oh, you die with that nigga.

753
00:32:28.446 --> 00:32:30.490
- Try United!
- Say what?

754
00:32:32.617 --> 00:32:34.452
- United?
Who said that?

755
00:32:34.535 --> 00:32:36.371
You said try United?

756
00:32:36.454 --> 00:32:38.956
Do you think that
was my problem?

757
00:32:43.461 --> 00:32:47.090
Do you think I just never
switched up airlines, nigga?

758
00:32:47.173 --> 00:32:49.175
Like, oh, Delta,
please do right.

759
00:32:49.258 --> 00:32:51.511
But I'm not in
a bad relationship.

760
00:32:55.056 --> 00:32:57.809
Delta, do right by me.

761
00:32:57.892 --> 00:32:59.477
Delta!

762
00:33:02.855 --> 00:33:05.191
When you were a kid,
what'd you want to be?

763
00:33:06.442 --> 00:33:08.236
- She ain't have no dreams.

764
00:33:08.319 --> 00:33:11.406
- First of all, what's
very funny about this is

765
00:33:11.489 --> 00:33:13.157
I asked her that, and before
she could answer it

766
00:33:13.241 --> 00:33:15.785
this nigga here said,
she ain't got no dreams.

767
00:33:36.431 --> 00:33:37.849
Whoo!

768
00:33:43.604 --> 00:33:45.606
That's the kind of hate
I can get behind, nigga.

769
00:33:45.690 --> 00:33:47.775
That's lewd.

770
00:33:47.859 --> 00:33:49.777
What?

771
00:33:49.861 --> 00:33:53.740
I ain't never heard
a nigga, from afar,

772
00:33:53.823 --> 00:33:56.951
hear somebody say
some shit and be like,

773
00:33:57.034 --> 00:33:59.495
that bitch ain't got no dreams.

774
00:34:08.212 --> 00:34:09.756
The only thing that
would make that better

775
00:34:09.839 --> 00:34:10.840
if I asked you what you do,

776
00:34:10.923 --> 00:34:13.342
you was like, a sleep doctor.

777
00:34:15.762 --> 00:34:17.096
What do you do, bro?

778
00:34:18.264 --> 00:34:19.474
- You're an
admissions counselor?

779
00:34:19.557 --> 00:34:21.267
- Yeah.

780
00:34:21.350 --> 00:34:23.102
- You must be fucking--

781
00:34:23.186 --> 00:34:24.145
Hey, hey, hold on.

782
00:34:24.228 --> 00:34:27.315
You must be brutal, nigga.

783
00:34:27.398 --> 00:34:28.816
Hey, what's up man?

784
00:34:28.900 --> 00:34:30.067
So what you coming
to college for, man?

785
00:34:30.151 --> 00:34:31.444
I wanna be a lawyer.
Mm-mm.

786
00:34:31.527 --> 00:34:33.613
No, you don't.

787
00:34:42.371 --> 00:34:44.457
You ever tried janitor?

788
00:34:47.418 --> 00:34:50.296
So the plane's
taking off, right?

789
00:34:58.262 --> 00:35:02.350
Yeah we're having
fun in here for sure.

790
00:35:02.433 --> 00:35:04.519
So the plane's taking off.
I'm taking off.

791
00:35:04.602 --> 00:35:06.312
'Cause we all know if
you've ever been too high,

792
00:35:06.395 --> 00:35:07.939
there's a moment where
you start to come down.

793
00:35:08.022 --> 00:35:09.357
You think you're coming
down right before it gets

794
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:10.900
way the fuck worse.

795
00:35:10.983 --> 00:35:13.069
So I'm having that moment
as we're taking off as I

796
00:35:13.152 --> 00:35:14.529
planned, so I'm feeling good.

797
00:35:14.612 --> 00:35:15.905
I feel like I'm
floating, dawg, you know?

798
00:35:15.988 --> 00:35:17.740
I'm like, oh man,
this is amazing.

799
00:35:17.824 --> 00:35:21.077
But I was doing
this in real life.

800
00:35:21.160 --> 00:35:23.079
I don't know if
you've ever done this shit

801
00:35:23.162 --> 00:35:27.875
next to a person on a plane,
but they don't like it.

802
00:35:27.959 --> 00:35:29.377
Dude sitting next to
me was the same dude

803
00:35:29.460 --> 00:35:30.878
lost his mind in the TSA line.

804
00:35:30.962 --> 00:35:33.798
He's like, yo what is
wrong with you, man?

805
00:35:33.881 --> 00:35:35.466
And I couldn't be
nothing but honest.

806
00:35:35.550 --> 00:35:38.553
I was like, damn nigga,
you can see that?

807
00:35:38.636 --> 00:35:41.722
I thought that was how
I felt, nigga, my bad.

808
00:35:41.806 --> 00:35:43.057
But that wasn't even
the highest thing

809
00:35:43.140 --> 00:35:44.684
I did on that flight, bro.

810
00:35:44.767 --> 00:35:46.227
Because at one point I
stopped the flight attendant

811
00:35:46.310 --> 00:35:49.063
to ask her where
the plane is landing.

812
00:35:49.146 --> 00:35:52.108
Do you know how high
you gotta be

813
00:35:52.191 --> 00:35:54.235
to ask a flight attendant

814
00:35:54.318 --> 00:35:57.530
where the plane is landing,
casually,

815
00:35:57.613 --> 00:36:00.116
like you're asking for peanuts?

816
00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:01.659
'Cause I did it.
I stopped like,

817
00:36:01.742 --> 00:36:02.743
hey, excuse me ma'am.

818
00:36:02.827 --> 00:36:05.163
Where's the plane landing?

819
00:36:05.246 --> 00:36:08.249
And she looked at me
for a long time.

820
00:36:08.332 --> 00:36:10.710
She's like, what?

821
00:36:10.793 --> 00:36:11.961
Then I clarified.

822
00:36:12.044 --> 00:36:14.797
The plane--where is it landing?

823
00:36:14.881 --> 00:36:17.091
I clarified the plane,
like that was

824
00:36:17.174 --> 00:36:19.427
the problem with the question.

825
00:36:19.510 --> 00:36:21.262
And she was like, Utah, sir.

826
00:36:21.345 --> 00:36:23.806
Nigga, for what?
Who's there?

827
00:36:25.391 --> 00:36:26.809
And I was scared
for real, niggas.

828
00:36:26.893 --> 00:36:29.604
I ain't know what
the fuck a Utah was.

829
00:36:29.687 --> 00:36:31.731
As a Black man that
travels the world,

830
00:36:31.814 --> 00:36:33.441
you gotta know what
kind of White people

831
00:36:33.524 --> 00:36:34.775
are gonna be
in a place because

832
00:36:34.859 --> 00:36:37.278
of history at any point ever.

833
00:36:37.361 --> 00:36:39.614
Read a book, you know?

834
00:36:41.741 --> 00:36:43.326
So then I hit my friend up.

835
00:36:43.409 --> 00:36:45.745
I was like, yo, I'm going to
Utah to do some shows man.

836
00:36:45.828 --> 00:36:47.288
What's the vibe like out there?

837
00:36:47.371 --> 00:36:50.333
And then he was like,
don't give up.

838
00:36:53.002 --> 00:36:55.004
Fuck are you talking about?
I'm going to do shows.

839
00:36:55.087 --> 00:36:57.840
He's like, nigga for who?
Who's out there?

840
00:36:57.924 --> 00:36:59.300
So he didn't help.

841
00:36:59.383 --> 00:37:01.010
So I got out there and I
realized who's out there,

842
00:37:01.093 --> 00:37:02.762
you know what I'm saying?

843
00:37:02.845 --> 00:37:04.430
I met different types of
people that I had never met

844
00:37:04.513 --> 00:37:07.350
in my life before in person.

845
00:37:09.435 --> 00:37:13.105
Meth heads, and I had never
seen a meth head in person.

846
00:37:13.189 --> 00:37:17.985
Only in "Breaking Bad" and
Netflix documentaries,

847
00:37:18.069 --> 00:37:22.615
which I think
was just "Breaking Bad."

848
00:37:22.698 --> 00:37:24.367
Very different for me.

849
00:37:24.450 --> 00:37:28.162
Chicago, we have some of the
best crackheads in the world.

850
00:37:28.245 --> 00:37:30.331
If there was an Olympic
games for crackheads,

851
00:37:30.414 --> 00:37:33.000
we'd win every year
for events like

852
00:37:33.084 --> 00:37:34.335
leaning but never falling.

853
00:37:34.418 --> 00:37:36.170
You know what I'm saying?

854
00:37:36.253 --> 00:37:38.798
You ever seen a crackhead
almost fall for 15 minutes?

855
00:37:38.881 --> 00:37:40.299
That shit is amazing.

856
00:37:40.383 --> 00:37:42.843
Nigga, look at
the nigga ankles.

857
00:37:42.927 --> 00:37:46.389
Oh, the strength in that nigga
ankles, he going for the gold.

858
00:37:51.102 --> 00:37:53.521
A meth head was a completely
different experience.

859
00:37:53.604 --> 00:37:56.107
First of all,
they were mostly White.

860
00:37:56.190 --> 00:37:59.360
I was like, whoa.
Second of all,

861
00:37:59.443 --> 00:38:00.653
it was a different high.

862
00:38:00.736 --> 00:38:02.071
He was like, yo,
give me a dollar brother.

863
00:38:02.154 --> 00:38:03.280
And before I could
get the dollar out

864
00:38:03.364 --> 00:38:07.034
he took off running full speed.

865
00:38:07.118 --> 00:38:08.744
I was confused.

866
00:38:08.828 --> 00:38:15.042
I'm like how do you
get the dollar, fam?

867
00:38:15.126 --> 00:38:16.711
Are you gonna lap
back around the block?

868
00:38:16.794 --> 00:38:18.379
I don't understand.

869
00:38:18.462 --> 00:38:20.423
And then I saw him later
trying to lift

870
00:38:20.506 --> 00:38:22.758
a Nissan Altima
with his bare hands.

871
00:38:23.801 --> 00:38:26.887
So it's a different
kind of drug.

872
00:38:26.971 --> 00:38:32.601
And Mormons and like--what?

873
00:38:32.685 --> 00:38:34.895
Like, I know they got
a book on Broadway,

874
00:38:34.979 --> 00:38:37.606
but them niggas different.

875
00:38:37.690 --> 00:38:39.317
That shit crazy to me.

876
00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:40.609
OK, so a Mormon comic came

877
00:38:40.693 --> 00:38:42.111
to pick me up
from the airport, right.

878
00:38:42.194 --> 00:38:43.487
So we had a good
conversation about Mormonism,

879
00:38:43.571 --> 00:38:47.658
'cause I had
never cared before.

880
00:38:47.742 --> 00:38:49.744
Oh, I know you all care
about everything, nigga.

881
00:38:49.827 --> 00:38:51.787
I can't.

882
00:38:51.871 --> 00:38:53.456
I ain't got the time.

883
00:38:53.539 --> 00:38:55.416
We had a good conversation
about it man, you know?

884
00:38:55.499 --> 00:38:58.252
And he was like, well we
can't have sex until marriage.

885
00:38:58.335 --> 00:39:02.048
I'm like damn, that sucks
'cause sex is dope.

886
00:39:02.131 --> 00:39:04.008
And he's like,
well there are loopholes.

887
00:39:04.091 --> 00:39:05.926
And that's when I said,

888
00:39:06.010 --> 00:39:09.096
what?

889
00:39:09.180 --> 00:39:12.433
He's like, there are loopholes.
Oh, I heard what you said.

890
00:39:12.516 --> 00:39:14.143
I just don't know
what that means, fam.

891
00:39:14.226 --> 00:39:15.519
And he was like,
well, Jesus says

892
00:39:15.603 --> 00:39:16.937
you can't have
sex with a vagina,

893
00:39:17.021 --> 00:39:18.564
but no one said
anything about the butt.

894
00:39:18.647 --> 00:39:24.278
And then that's when I said,
whose Jesus is this?

895
00:39:24.361 --> 00:39:28.449
Not my Jesus.
You got a ratchet Jesus, sir.

896
00:39:28.532 --> 00:39:30.910
Your Jesus is from New Jersey.

897
00:39:33.537 --> 00:39:36.248
Your Jesus came back on Monday,

898
00:39:36.332 --> 00:39:38.834
a day late, with an open robe
and some frantic energy.

899
00:39:38.918 --> 00:39:41.128
Whoo! It got crazy
up there, saints.

900
00:39:41.212 --> 00:39:42.755
Sorry about that.
Anyway, water to wine.

901
00:39:42.838 --> 00:39:45.549
Fuck that butt. See you
on Christmas, all right?

902
00:39:45.633 --> 00:39:47.885
It's your boy!

903
00:39:55.434 --> 00:39:57.144
How long have y'all
been together?

904
00:39:57.895 --> 00:39:58.979
- 10 months?

905
00:39:59.063 --> 00:40:01.565
Oh, that's fresh as hell.

906
00:40:01.649 --> 00:40:03.317
I don't fuck with
couples under a year,

907
00:40:03.400 --> 00:40:04.652
you know what I'm saying?

908
00:40:04.735 --> 00:40:06.779
Anything can break
you niggas up.

909
00:40:08.739 --> 00:40:10.783
How did y'all meet?

910
00:40:12.201 --> 00:40:14.954
- Your friend's Tinder?

911
00:40:15.037 --> 00:40:17.581
- It was your face,
but her Tinder?

912
00:40:17.665 --> 00:40:22.002
So your friend was
catfishing with your face,

913
00:40:22.086 --> 00:40:24.130
and she tried to catfish
this nigga and you were like,

914
00:40:24.213 --> 00:40:25.381
mm, I got this bitch.

915
00:40:25.464 --> 00:40:28.175
Move out the way.

916
00:40:28.259 --> 00:40:31.345
I love love. I really do, man.
I really love love a lot.

917
00:40:31.428 --> 00:40:33.139
I think about my
parents all the time.

918
00:40:33.222 --> 00:40:34.849
It's probably why I love love,
because I've seen two people

919
00:40:34.932 --> 00:40:36.350
in love, you know what I mean?

920
00:40:36.433 --> 00:40:41.480
And I think you ask anyone
in love, they're like,

921
00:40:41.564 --> 00:40:43.732
well, the thing is
communication and loyalty.

922
00:40:43.816 --> 00:40:46.360
But I also think a major
part of being in love

923
00:40:46.443 --> 00:40:47.820
for a long time is pettiness.

924
00:40:47.903 --> 00:40:51.699
You need a masterful
amount of pettiness

925
00:40:51.782 --> 00:40:53.367
in a relationship
in a good one.

926
00:40:53.451 --> 00:40:55.202
Because I've seen
good couples outside.

927
00:40:55.286 --> 00:40:57.705
Only good couples can do shit
like fight in the morning

928
00:40:57.788 --> 00:40:59.456
and still go out that
same day 'cause you

929
00:40:59.540 --> 00:41:02.710
already bought tickets.

930
00:41:02.793 --> 00:41:05.754
You know what I'm saying?

931
00:41:05.838 --> 00:41:08.424
We've seen these couples
outside at Olive Gardens

932
00:41:08.507 --> 00:41:09.717
and Olive Gardens,

933
00:41:09.800 --> 00:41:12.469
mostly Olive Gardens.

934
00:41:14.346 --> 00:41:17.349
I worked at an Olive Garden.

935
00:41:19.101 --> 00:41:20.978
But you always see 'em--
Fuck you! Fuck you!

936
00:41:21.061 --> 00:41:23.689
Table for two, please.

937
00:41:23.772 --> 00:41:26.442
It's my only day off.
Don't embarrass me in here.

938
00:41:28.277 --> 00:41:30.613
Shit's real, bro.
I really think that.

939
00:41:30.696 --> 00:41:33.741
I think the worst love story of
all time is "Romeo and Juliet."

940
00:41:33.824 --> 00:41:35.409
I think that's
the worst, Whitest

941
00:41:35.492 --> 00:41:37.369
love story of all time.

942
00:41:37.453 --> 00:41:38.829
My family doesn't
like your family.

943
00:41:38.913 --> 00:41:41.957
Let's kill ourselves.
Nigga, what?

944
00:41:42.041 --> 00:41:44.418
That's some bullshit.
I've been in real love, man.

945
00:41:44.501 --> 00:41:46.086
Families don't get along
all the fuckin' time.

946
00:41:46.170 --> 00:41:47.588
You don't go home and end it.

947
00:41:47.671 --> 00:41:50.090
That's insane, you
immature motherfucker.

948
00:41:50.174 --> 00:41:51.759
I've been in real love.
My girl had to come home

949
00:41:51.842 --> 00:41:53.260
like, let's kill ourselves
for love.

950
00:41:53.344 --> 00:41:56.805
I'd be like--
[chuckles]

951
00:41:56.889 --> 00:41:59.016
You go first.

952
00:41:59.099 --> 00:42:01.769
I'm right behind you.
The poison's right here. Ahh!

953
00:42:03.270 --> 00:42:04.647
That wouldn't work out.

954
00:42:04.730 --> 00:42:06.023
I'm Black in America
you know what I mean?

955
00:42:06.106 --> 00:42:07.691
Cops show up.
She dead, I'm not.

956
00:42:07.775 --> 00:42:09.652
How that look?

957
00:42:09.735 --> 00:42:11.612
You're saying she
killed herself, sir?

958
00:42:11.695 --> 00:42:13.906
For love, Officer.

959
00:42:16.200 --> 00:42:17.785
Heard of it?

960
00:42:17.868 --> 00:42:18.953
Why you ain't kill yourself?

961
00:42:19.036 --> 00:42:21.622
Someone has to tell our story.

962
00:42:21.705 --> 00:42:23.791
I will not be forgotten.

963
00:42:23.874 --> 00:42:26.460
In this story, I do have hair.

964
00:42:30.881 --> 00:42:33.676
You should never hit a woman.
Transition.

965
00:42:37.054 --> 00:42:39.390
Smooth as shit.

966
00:42:41.100 --> 00:42:43.269
I believe that firmly.
You should never hit a woman.

967
00:42:43.352 --> 00:42:45.980
I've been raised
to believe that,

968
00:42:46.063 --> 00:42:47.690
and I agreed when I grew up.

969
00:42:47.773 --> 00:42:49.358
Another thing I agree
with we don't understand,

970
00:42:49.441 --> 00:42:52.861
though, is my dad
always said, now, Son,

971
00:42:52.945 --> 00:42:56.073
when you walk with a woman
outside after a date you walk

972
00:42:56.156 --> 00:42:57.992
on the outside
closest to the street,

973
00:42:58.075 --> 00:42:59.243
she walks on the inside.

974
00:42:59.326 --> 00:43:01.161
Because that's
what gentlemen do.

975
00:43:01.245 --> 00:43:03.205
Because just in case
a car jumps the curb,

976
00:43:03.289 --> 00:43:06.458
you can stop it with your
love or some dumb shit.

977
00:43:06.542 --> 00:43:08.544
It don't make no sense.

978
00:43:08.627 --> 00:43:10.546
Even if I was getting
robbed on the street,

979
00:43:10.629 --> 00:43:12.464
they're not coming from
my side to be polite.

980
00:43:12.548 --> 00:43:14.008
That's insane.

981
00:43:14.091 --> 00:43:15.801
But I do it anyway.
I don't understand.

982
00:43:15.884 --> 00:43:18.095
But that's how
raising works, right?

983
00:43:18.178 --> 00:43:20.097
Your parents instill some
shit, and you get older

984
00:43:20.180 --> 00:43:23.267
and you're like,
mm-hmm, I still agree.

985
00:43:23.350 --> 00:43:25.311
I would never do that,
not built like that,

986
00:43:25.394 --> 00:43:27.021
I would never even
think about it,

987
00:43:27.104 --> 00:43:28.939
even though I have met some
women where I was like,

988
00:43:29.023 --> 00:43:29.857
I get it.

989
00:43:29.940 --> 00:43:31.859
But I would never do it.

990
00:43:31.942 --> 00:43:33.444
I would never do it.

991
00:43:33.527 --> 00:43:34.695
I promise you, I've thrown
people out of my life

992
00:43:34.778 --> 00:43:36.238
for this shit, bro, for real.

993
00:43:36.322 --> 00:43:37.698
Like I had a cousin and
one of my best friends

994
00:43:37.781 --> 00:43:39.450
I had to throw
out my life, bro.

995
00:43:39.533 --> 00:43:40.868
I had to pull him off his
girlfriend several times.

996
00:43:40.951 --> 00:43:42.661
Our last conversation
I was like,

997
00:43:42.745 --> 00:43:44.204
dawg, if you keep doing this
shit I can't be around you,

998
00:43:44.288 --> 00:43:45.748
can't associate myself
with you at all.

999
00:43:45.831 --> 00:43:47.458
He was like, Chris I know
I got a problem, man.

1000
00:43:47.541 --> 00:43:49.293
It's just sometimes she
just makes me so mad, dawg,

1001
00:43:49.376 --> 00:43:51.920
and so I throw her in traffic.

1002
00:43:54.923 --> 00:43:56.884
Nigga, what?

1003
00:43:56.967 --> 00:43:59.219
You wanna throw
her in traffic?

1004
00:43:59.303 --> 00:44:03.140
That's crazy, my nigga.

1005
00:44:03.223 --> 00:44:06.518
Because traffic is still.

1006
00:44:09.355 --> 00:44:11.231
You not even
hurting her, nigga.

1007
00:44:11.315 --> 00:44:12.983
She's just in the way.

1008
00:44:14.026 --> 00:44:15.361
How you bad and dumb?

1009
00:44:15.444 --> 00:44:17.780
Get the fuck out
of my house, dawg.

1010
00:44:17.863 --> 00:44:19.239
I hate that shit, bro.

1011
00:44:19.323 --> 00:44:21.575
I'll tell you the story.
So we were in Chicago.

1012
00:44:21.658 --> 00:44:23.077
Negative 20 degrees,

1013
00:44:23.160 --> 00:44:25.454
broad nighttime.

1014
00:44:28.499 --> 00:44:30.250
We were both drunk.
I was driving.

1015
00:44:30.334 --> 00:44:32.044
Shouldn't have been.
It was illegal.

1016
00:44:32.127 --> 00:44:33.712
What you gonna do, go back
in time, "Minority Report" me?

1017
00:44:33.796 --> 00:44:36.090
Shut the fuck up.

1018
00:44:36.173 --> 00:44:37.383
I'm deflecting, I'm sorry.

1019
00:44:37.466 --> 00:44:40.969
Deborah would say
I'm deflecting.

1020
00:44:41.053 --> 00:44:42.262
So we're having a fight.

1021
00:44:42.346 --> 00:44:43.764
I'm trying to get
her back in the car.

1022
00:44:43.847 --> 00:44:44.973
And I was like, yo,
just get in the car.

1023
00:44:45.057 --> 00:44:46.433
We'll talk about this at home.

1024
00:44:46.517 --> 00:44:47.935
She's like, nuh uh,
fucking get away from me.

1025
00:44:48.018 --> 00:44:49.436
I'll smack the shit
out of you, Chris.

1026
00:44:49.520 --> 00:44:50.771
I'm like, no you won't.
Then she did it

1027
00:44:50.854 --> 00:44:53.440
because she's goal oriented.

1028
00:44:55.442 --> 00:44:56.777
Also I was high as hell,

1029
00:44:56.860 --> 00:44:58.445
cocky about it,
and real slow to react.

1030
00:44:58.529 --> 00:44:59.947
Like, I saw the smack coming
I was like,

1031
00:45:00.030 --> 00:45:01.240
we got more time.

1032
00:45:01.323 --> 00:45:02.866
No, we don't.

1033
00:45:02.950 --> 00:45:06.203
No, we don't.
Also, who is we?

1034
00:45:06.286 --> 00:45:08.038
I'm sitting there with
a freshly smacked face.

1035
00:45:08.122 --> 00:45:09.456
She's like, you ain't
gonna do nothing Chris,

1036
00:45:09.540 --> 00:45:10.916
'cause you was raised right.

1037
00:45:10.999 --> 00:45:13.293
Like, what the fuck kind
of shit is that to say?

1038
00:45:13.377 --> 00:45:14.837
That's attacking all my ego.

1039
00:45:14.920 --> 00:45:16.588
Now I gotta kill this bitch,
you know what I'm saying?

1040
00:45:16.672 --> 00:45:18.006
Obviously I didn't do that.

1041
00:45:18.090 --> 00:45:19.842
That'd be crazy to
fucking kill someone

1042
00:45:19.925 --> 00:45:21.218
and then do a tour about it.

1043
00:45:21.301 --> 00:45:22.511
What am I, a '90s rapper?

1044
00:45:22.594 --> 00:45:24.555
No.

1045
00:45:26.557 --> 00:45:28.600
So I obviously didn't do that,
you know what I'm saying?

1046
00:45:28.684 --> 00:45:30.394
Then she started getting cocky.

1047
00:45:30.477 --> 00:45:31.979
If you ever hit somebody, you
know, once you hit somebody,

1048
00:45:32.062 --> 00:45:34.314
it connects,
you start getting fuckin'--

1049
00:45:34.398 --> 00:45:36.567
You think you Mayweather.

1050
00:45:36.650 --> 00:45:38.402
She swung again,
this time hard as hell,

1051
00:45:38.485 --> 00:45:39.903
and I could see it coming.

1052
00:45:39.987 --> 00:45:41.488
And I ducked, and she
twirled and the sound

1053
00:45:41.572 --> 00:45:43.323
she made when she twirled
is a sound I've never

1054
00:45:43.407 --> 00:45:46.243
heard from anyone again.

1055
00:45:46.326 --> 00:45:49.413
She twirled, it was like,
whoa!

1056
00:45:49.496 --> 00:45:53.375
This is a grown Black
woman from Chicago.

1057
00:45:53.459 --> 00:45:55.752
Whoa!
Yeah, that's--

1058
00:45:55.836 --> 00:45:57.754
The fuck is that, dawg?

1059
00:45:57.838 --> 00:45:59.506
That's Porky Pig cumming, dawg.

1060
00:45:59.590 --> 00:46:00.549
That's what that is.

1061
00:46:00.632 --> 00:46:03.051
Whoa!
That's all folks.

1062
00:46:04.428 --> 00:46:06.472
And she twirled around,
she fell in the bushes

1063
00:46:06.555 --> 00:46:07.598
right behind her, dawg.

1064
00:46:07.681 --> 00:46:09.683
And I loved every second
of that.

1065
00:46:09.766 --> 00:46:11.935
'Cause I can't hit her,
I won't hit her.

1066
00:46:12.019 --> 00:46:14.062
But that bush, whew.

1067
00:46:14.146 --> 00:46:15.606
It was negative 20 degrees.

1068
00:46:15.689 --> 00:46:17.691
That bush--
no leaves, all sticks.

1069
00:46:17.774 --> 00:46:19.318
[audience oohs]

1070
00:46:19.401 --> 00:46:20.777
You heard the whole fall.

1071
00:46:20.861 --> 00:46:23.280
[imitates branches cracking]

1072
00:46:23.363 --> 00:46:26.074
Man, I love that bush.

1073
00:46:26.158 --> 00:46:28.494
Every time I go back to
Chicago, I drive by that bush

1074
00:46:28.577 --> 00:46:30.996
and I salute that
motherfuckin' bush.

1075
00:46:31.079 --> 00:46:33.457
Only Bush I would have voted
for, to be honest with you.

1076
00:46:35.459 --> 00:46:37.794
[applause]

1077
00:46:40.589 --> 00:46:42.216
And I looked up
to my cousin Trey.

1078
00:46:42.299 --> 00:46:43.800
He was the coolest,
like I told you all before.

1079
00:46:43.884 --> 00:46:45.594
I gave you a little
sample of that nigga.

1080
00:46:45.677 --> 00:46:48.263
But he was the dopest, he
was the most gangster, cool.

1081
00:46:48.347 --> 00:46:50.516
He had the most money,
girls, cars, all that.

1082
00:46:50.599 --> 00:46:54.394
He was also mean as hell,
and he definitely did

1083
00:46:54.478 --> 00:46:56.396
rob all of us at one point.

1084
00:46:56.480 --> 00:46:57.981
He was the type of guy
that robbed his family

1085
00:46:58.065 --> 00:46:59.483
before he took his
talents to the streets,

1086
00:46:59.566 --> 00:47:01.735
you know what I'm sayin'?

1087
00:47:01.818 --> 00:47:04.071
Take your $100, make you
look for it with him.

1088
00:47:04.154 --> 00:47:05.489
Like, it's weird, you know?

1089
00:47:05.572 --> 00:47:07.074
But I looked up to
this man because he was

1090
00:47:07.157 --> 00:47:09.117
the toughest dude, and
I was like, come on Trey,

1091
00:47:09.201 --> 00:47:10.577
let me be down,
like, nah, nah,

1092
00:47:10.661 --> 00:47:11.912
you fucked up the shit
with Chino, nigga,

1093
00:47:11.995 --> 00:47:13.413
you ain't even ready for this.

1094
00:47:13.497 --> 00:47:14.790
Like, no, come on man,
you know what I'm sayin',

1095
00:47:14.873 --> 00:47:16.458
I'm older now.
Let's go.

1096
00:47:16.542 --> 00:47:18.126
He was like, all right you
gotta be ready for whatever.

1097
00:47:18.210 --> 00:47:20.587
I'm like, when that day
come, when whatever come,

1098
00:47:20.671 --> 00:47:23.924
I'ma be fuckin' ready, cuz.

1099
00:47:24.007 --> 00:47:26.093
Three weeks later, we
walk into the corner store

1100
00:47:26.176 --> 00:47:27.553
you know, just get
some fucking candy

1101
00:47:27.636 --> 00:47:29.179
or whatever
the fuck I'm getting,

1102
00:47:29.263 --> 00:47:32.099
and then all of a sudden
my cousin pushed this dude.

1103
00:47:32.182 --> 00:47:33.934
Dude turn around,
who the fuck pushed me?

1104
00:47:34.017 --> 00:47:36.144
And I was like, I'm about
to see my cousin get it in.

1105
00:47:36.228 --> 00:47:38.647
This is dope.
And my cousin was like, he did.

1106
00:47:38.730 --> 00:47:40.607
And I was like--

1107
00:47:40.691 --> 00:47:44.278
Oh, whatever is here, nigga.

1108
00:47:44.361 --> 00:47:45.904
You know, he was like,
I'ma to fuck you up,

1109
00:47:45.988 --> 00:47:47.114
motherfucker.

1110
00:47:47.197 --> 00:47:49.241
And I didn't know what to say,

1111
00:47:49.324 --> 00:47:54.288
so all that came out was,
nah!

1112
00:47:54.371 --> 00:47:57.457
I thought that was
a good place to start.

1113
00:47:57.541 --> 00:48:00.627
I don't see
the outcome you see.

1114
00:48:00.711 --> 00:48:02.129
I don't know anybody
that starts a fight like,

1115
00:48:02.212 --> 00:48:03.880
I'ma fuck you up.
Yeah you are!

1116
00:48:03.964 --> 00:48:06.425
Make it quick,
you know, I don't know that.

1117
00:48:06.508 --> 00:48:07.884
I'm not that guy.

1118
00:48:07.968 --> 00:48:10.679
I said nah, but I knew
that nah wasn't enough.

1119
00:48:10.762 --> 00:48:13.223
I could tell by the
faces of everyone who

1120
00:48:13.307 --> 00:48:15.851
was watching the altercation.

1121
00:48:15.934 --> 00:48:18.437
My cousin's like, uh-huh.

1122
00:48:18.520 --> 00:48:21.440
I was like, oh, OK.
[clears throat]

1123
00:48:21.523 --> 00:48:24.860
So I just said what he said,
I'm like, no I'm a fuck you up.

1124
00:48:24.943 --> 00:48:27.321
Here's the thing
about me saying it,

1125
00:48:27.404 --> 00:48:30.616
is that I didn't make it to
"up," um--

1126
00:48:33.410 --> 00:48:36.163
So what I said
to this grown man was,

1127
00:48:36.246 --> 00:48:39.416
I'ma fuck you!

1128
00:48:39.499 --> 00:48:41.543
Which is
a very different message,

1129
00:48:41.627 --> 00:48:43.545
I think.

1130
00:48:43.629 --> 00:48:45.505
Now, the reason I didn't
get to "up" is because

1131
00:48:45.589 --> 00:48:48.258
he hit me so fast
in the throat.

1132
00:48:48.342 --> 00:48:52.304
I mean, directly in the middle,
and I farted right after that.

1133
00:48:52.387 --> 00:48:54.181
I don't know if you know
anything about the body,

1134
00:48:54.264 --> 00:48:57.184
but these two things
ain't connected at all.

1135
00:48:57.267 --> 00:48:58.852
You shouldn't get
hit here and--[imitates fart]

1136
00:48:58.935 --> 00:49:01.313
That shouldn't happen to you,
dawg.

1137
00:49:01.396 --> 00:49:03.273
Bro, it was crazy.
Did you ever sneeze

1138
00:49:03.357 --> 00:49:04.775
and fart at the same time,
and realize

1139
00:49:04.858 --> 00:49:06.902
you're not in control
of your life? You ever--

1140
00:49:06.985 --> 00:49:08.320
Achoo. [imitates fart]
What the fuck?

1141
00:49:08.403 --> 00:49:11.907
That has to be Jesus.
That's crazy.

1142
00:49:11.990 --> 00:49:13.533
I farted, bro, and it was wild.

1143
00:49:13.617 --> 00:49:14.868
Like, it pissed my cousin off.

1144
00:49:14.951 --> 00:49:16.036
He grabbed me
from under my arm,

1145
00:49:16.119 --> 00:49:17.371
dragged me all the way home.

1146
00:49:17.454 --> 00:49:18.705
And it was crazy.
I was being heckled

1147
00:49:18.789 --> 00:49:20.082
by the crackhead
across the street

1148
00:49:20.165 --> 00:49:22.042
'cause he saw
a very different fight

1149
00:49:22.125 --> 00:49:23.335
than the fight that went down.

1150
00:49:23.418 --> 00:49:24.378
He was like, that's right!

1151
00:49:24.461 --> 00:49:25.921
Don't let nobody fuck you!

1152
00:49:26.004 --> 00:49:30.884
You know, man, I was like
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1153
00:49:30.967 --> 00:49:32.678
And my cousin threw
me in the house.

1154
00:49:32.761 --> 00:49:34.554
Motherfucker, see, I told you
you ain't built for this shit.

1155
00:49:34.638 --> 00:49:36.723
Nigga, you out here getting
hit in your goddamn throat

1156
00:49:36.807 --> 00:49:39.976
and tootin'?
I'm like, tootin'?

1157
00:49:40.060 --> 00:49:43.063
This is a grown gangster,
killer for sure.

1158
00:49:43.146 --> 00:49:44.731
Tootin'?

1159
00:49:44.815 --> 00:49:47.651
Like a choo-choo train, nigga?

1160
00:49:47.734 --> 00:49:50.237
He's like, you tootin'!

1161
00:49:50.320 --> 00:49:52.072
It wasn't the right time
to make fun of the man,

1162
00:49:52.155 --> 00:49:54.241
but I kept it in here.

1163
00:49:56.076 --> 00:49:57.744
He ain't talk to me
for about half a year.

1164
00:49:57.828 --> 00:50:00.455
I thought my gangster career
was over with, truly.

1165
00:50:00.539 --> 00:50:02.582
And then he called me, right.
I put it on speakerphone,

1166
00:50:02.666 --> 00:50:03.917
'cause I
had been talking to my friends

1167
00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:05.168
who I play video games with.

1168
00:50:05.252 --> 00:50:06.712
I was like,
I'ma tell you, my cousin

1169
00:50:06.795 --> 00:50:08.338
gon' to call me, man,
and he's gonna let me

1170
00:50:08.422 --> 00:50:10.257
come back and prove myself.

1171
00:50:10.340 --> 00:50:12.592
Shit's gonna be dope.
Then he finally did.

1172
00:50:12.676 --> 00:50:14.094
I saw the call coming,
so we all

1173
00:50:14.177 --> 00:50:15.595
gathered around
the speakerphone,

1174
00:50:15.679 --> 00:50:17.556
put on speakerphone,
like what's up, cuz?

1175
00:50:17.639 --> 00:50:19.307
What's good?
I'm sittin' there frontin'

1176
00:50:19.391 --> 00:50:22.728
and then he says,
first line, he was like,

1177
00:50:22.811 --> 00:50:25.439
Hey, I found the nigga
you farted on.

1178
00:50:33.530 --> 00:50:36.158
I didn't fart on the nigga.

1179
00:50:39.619 --> 00:50:41.038
So I picked up the phone like,
hey, nigga,

1180
00:50:41.121 --> 00:50:43.707
you could say, hi, bro.

1181
00:50:43.790 --> 00:50:45.333
That works, too.

1182
00:50:45.417 --> 00:50:47.377
He's like, listen, yo,
you wanna roll with me

1183
00:50:47.461 --> 00:50:49.671
and my niggas, man, so you
go ahead and prove yourself?

1184
00:50:49.755 --> 00:50:52.174
I'm like, hell yeah, cuz,
I'm ready to redeem myself.

1185
00:50:52.257 --> 00:50:53.884
He was like,
you are not a coupon, nigga,

1186
00:50:53.967 --> 00:50:55.719
shut the fuck up.

1187
00:50:55.802 --> 00:50:58.472
I was like, right, right.
And then I got in the car.

1188
00:50:58.555 --> 00:51:00.223
I was in the middle
in the back seat.

1189
00:51:00.307 --> 00:51:02.809
It was two grown ass
motherfuckers that I just

1190
00:51:02.893 --> 00:51:04.311
knew rolled with my cousin,
there,

1191
00:51:04.394 --> 00:51:05.854
and my cousin was in
the passenger side,

1192
00:51:05.937 --> 00:51:07.856
and my other cousin
was driving the car.

1193
00:51:07.939 --> 00:51:09.441
And he's like, yo, they
right up the street.

1194
00:51:09.524 --> 00:51:11.026
So we gonna roll up
on these motherfuckers,

1195
00:51:11.109 --> 00:51:12.611
pop out, knock they ass out,
then we gonna

1196
00:51:12.694 --> 00:51:16.323
to go to McDonald's
for whatever reason.

1197
00:51:16.406 --> 00:51:17.741
So we riding for a while.

1198
00:51:17.824 --> 00:51:19.284
I'm like, yo, so they
right up the street?

1199
00:51:19.367 --> 00:51:20.869
He's like yeah,
they right up the street.

1200
00:51:20.952 --> 00:51:23.413
I'm like, all right,
it's a long street, nigga.

1201
00:51:23.497 --> 00:51:25.957
And then I had to pee,
so I had to ask him.

1202
00:51:26.041 --> 00:51:27.709
I was like yo, yo,
hey cuz, can we stop

1203
00:51:27.793 --> 00:51:29.002
so I can piss real quick?

1204
00:51:29.085 --> 00:51:30.587
He's like, hell no!
Only bitches pee.

1205
00:51:30.670 --> 00:51:33.423
I'm like that's
not true at all.

1206
00:51:33.507 --> 00:51:35.342
I know we gangsta, nigga,
but come on.

1207
00:51:35.425 --> 00:51:37.803
But the dude next to me
was so scared of my cousin.

1208
00:51:37.886 --> 00:51:39.846
He was like, I ain't never
peed a day in my life.

1209
00:51:39.930 --> 00:51:43.183
Like, who the fuck
is this idiot?

1210
00:51:43.266 --> 00:51:44.976
I'm like, come on, cuz,
stop so I can pee.

1211
00:51:45.060 --> 00:51:46.978
I ain't stopping, dawg,
so piss yourself.

1212
00:51:47.062 --> 00:51:50.148
What a terrible outfit
to wear to a fight.

1213
00:51:50.232 --> 00:51:51.983
They already know
me as fart boy.

1214
00:51:52.067 --> 00:51:54.486
Now I gotta show up
and waddle up in piss pants.

1215
00:51:54.569 --> 00:51:57.364
I'm not doing that.

1216
00:51:57.447 --> 00:51:59.241
I was like, come on stop.
He's like, we're not stopping,

1217
00:51:59.324 --> 00:52:01.535
and neither was this piss, so I
had to figure something out.

1218
00:52:01.618 --> 00:52:04.079
I saw this cup that was sitting
right there for a long time.

1219
00:52:04.162 --> 00:52:05.539
Nobody was drinking out of it.

1220
00:52:05.622 --> 00:52:07.290
I watched it for
five more minutes.

1221
00:52:07.374 --> 00:52:09.709
Nobody drank out of it
again, so I grabbed it.

1222
00:52:09.793 --> 00:52:11.586
It was pretty empty.

1223
00:52:11.670 --> 00:52:12.879
I made a wall with my coat.

1224
00:52:12.963 --> 00:52:15.465
A pee wall, if you will.

1225
00:52:15.549 --> 00:52:18.260
And I pissed in it, put the
cap back on, put it back

1226
00:52:18.343 --> 00:52:20.679
in the middle,
and I watched it to make sure

1227
00:52:20.762 --> 00:52:22.931
nobody drank out of it.

1228
00:52:23.014 --> 00:52:25.559
Also, if someone did,

1229
00:52:25.642 --> 00:52:27.894
I wasn't gon' say shit.

1230
00:52:27.978 --> 00:52:32.858
because I was terrified,
nigga, what?

1231
00:52:32.941 --> 00:52:34.693
But I was watching it like
I was gonna say shit,

1232
00:52:34.776 --> 00:52:36.653
but I wasn't gonna
say shit, though.

1233
00:52:36.736 --> 00:52:38.738
And no one touched it, though.
I was so glad.

1234
00:52:38.822 --> 00:52:42.033
Until the very end of the ride,
right before we got

1235
00:52:42.117 --> 00:52:43.243
to where we was going, man.

1236
00:52:43.326 --> 00:52:44.870
It was slow motion.

1237
00:52:44.953 --> 00:52:47.831
My cousin rolled the window
down, threw out the blunt,

1238
00:52:47.914 --> 00:52:49.332
then he did this.

1239
00:52:49.416 --> 00:52:52.252
[smacks lips]

1240
00:52:52.335 --> 00:52:56.840
The driest mouth in
the county, nigga.

1241
00:52:56.923 --> 00:52:59.175
Then he grabs it and takes the
biggest swig of that shit

1242
00:52:59.259 --> 00:53:00.760
I ever seen in my life.

1243
00:53:00.844 --> 00:53:04.097
Y'all acting like
y'all were there.

1244
00:53:04.180 --> 00:53:05.432
Shit was nasty, bro.

1245
00:53:05.515 --> 00:53:06.850
And he was like,
ugh, what the fuck?

1246
00:53:06.933 --> 00:53:08.226
He threw that shit
out the window like

1247
00:53:08.310 --> 00:53:11.771
who the fuck put
warm beer in my cup, bro?

1248
00:53:11.855 --> 00:53:15.609
And that's when I knew
for sure that my cousin

1249
00:53:15.692 --> 00:53:18.403
had never drank piss before.

1250
00:53:19.779 --> 00:53:23.450
[cheers and applause]

1251
00:53:23.533 --> 00:53:26.953
I'm glad y'all
proud of him, too.

1252
00:53:27.037 --> 00:53:29.122
I was gonna take that shit
to the grave with me, man,

1253
00:53:29.205 --> 00:53:32.292
but then my cousin got
locked up, so I feel safe.

1254
00:53:32.375 --> 00:53:34.002
I'm just playing.
I'm just playing.

1255
00:53:34.085 --> 00:53:35.587
I told him for real.

1256
00:53:35.670 --> 00:53:38.965
He did get locked up for
stuff he definitely did.

1257
00:53:39.049 --> 00:53:42.469
Now I'm not snitching,
it's public knowledge

1258
00:53:42.552 --> 00:53:43.970
at this point.

1259
00:53:44.054 --> 00:53:45.972
He's gone for a minute,
but we still fall for him.

1260
00:53:46.056 --> 00:53:47.599
And I don't know if
you know how fucked up

1261
00:53:47.682 --> 00:53:49.643
it is to know someone's
guilty but still

1262
00:53:49.726 --> 00:53:53.229
be out there with "Free Trey"
shirts, knowing he did it.

1263
00:53:53.313 --> 00:53:55.523
Free Trey!
Knowing that nigga guilty.

1264
00:53:55.607 --> 00:53:57.984
Free Trey!
He was definitely there.

1265
00:53:58.068 --> 00:54:01.947
Free Trey!
Planned the whole thing.

1266
00:54:02.030 --> 00:54:04.532
Because that was
like my family motto.

1267
00:54:04.616 --> 00:54:06.409
We ride for each other
regardless of the fact,

1268
00:54:06.493 --> 00:54:09.245
and that might put us in
some difficult situations,

1269
00:54:09.329 --> 00:54:10.497
but that's what we do.

1270
00:54:10.580 --> 00:54:12.040
And we're out there,
free Trey!

1271
00:54:12.123 --> 00:54:13.291
But in the back
of my mind, I was like,

1272
00:54:13.375 --> 00:54:15.794
take your time, though.

1273
00:54:17.671 --> 00:54:19.172
I was there
when his house got raided.

1274
00:54:19.255 --> 00:54:21.007
I didn't wanna be there,
you know what I'm saying?

1275
00:54:21.091 --> 00:54:22.676
They don't warn you
when they come in.

1276
00:54:22.759 --> 00:54:24.177
It's kinda they thing.

1277
00:54:24.260 --> 00:54:26.930
They pop up, surprise
party you never wanted.

1278
00:54:27.013 --> 00:54:28.890
All I know is it was, like,
the fifth time I was

1279
00:54:28.974 --> 00:54:31.393
ever high,
playing "Call of Duty."

1280
00:54:31.476 --> 00:54:35.355
And "Call of Duty" got
real IMAX 3D on a nigga.

1281
00:54:35.438 --> 00:54:38.733
'Cause as I was swinging in a
house with a gun on the game,

1282
00:54:38.817 --> 00:54:39.985
they swung in our
house with guns.

1283
00:54:40.068 --> 00:54:42.320
And I was like, damn.

1284
00:54:42.404 --> 00:54:45.240
PS2 is on some new shit.

1285
00:54:45.323 --> 00:54:48.368
Oh, these niggas are real.

1286
00:54:48.451 --> 00:54:50.078
I got on the ground.
They pushed my cousin

1287
00:54:50.161 --> 00:54:51.496
Trey to the wall,
they were like,

1288
00:54:51.579 --> 00:54:53.039
freeze, Trey Johnson,
you under arrest.

1289
00:54:53.123 --> 00:54:55.208
And that's when Trey
said the wildest thing

1290
00:54:55.291 --> 00:54:58.378
I've ever heard anyone say
to the police to their face.

1291
00:54:58.461 --> 00:54:59.963
He looked him
dead in their eyes

1292
00:55:00.046 --> 00:55:01.172
and he was like,

1293
00:55:01.256 --> 00:55:04.467
about time.

1294
00:55:04.551 --> 00:55:07.470
And everyone was
confused immediately.

1295
00:55:07.554 --> 00:55:08.972
what?
I think a bird stopped flying.

1296
00:55:09.055 --> 00:55:10.932
Like, nigga what?

1297
00:55:11.016 --> 00:55:12.726
He's like, you should
have caught me last year.

1298
00:55:12.809 --> 00:55:14.894
We was like, shut up!

1299
00:55:14.978 --> 00:55:16.688
You still gotta
go to court, fam.

1300
00:55:16.771 --> 00:55:18.690
It's gonna be
a slam dunk case.

1301
00:55:18.773 --> 00:55:20.567
And it was.
I've never seen somebody

1302
00:55:20.650 --> 00:55:21.901
go to jail that fast.

1303
00:55:21.985 --> 00:55:23.361
I think the prosecutor
wore sweat pants.

1304
00:55:23.445 --> 00:55:25.488
Nobody tried.

1305
00:55:27.949 --> 00:55:29.617
Even the cops were gonna
help this nigga out.

1306
00:55:29.701 --> 00:55:31.244
They were like, you do have
the right to remain silent,

1307
00:55:31.327 --> 00:55:33.246
my nigga.

1308
00:55:33.329 --> 00:55:35.623
Like, you won't silence me.

1309
00:55:35.707 --> 00:55:38.752
It was a confusing part
of Trey's takedown,

1310
00:55:38.835 --> 00:55:40.170
and I remember
when he went to jail,

1311
00:55:40.253 --> 00:55:41.838
a lot of people
wrote him off, you know.

1312
00:55:41.921 --> 00:55:43.715
I still put money on his books
and went to visit him,

1313
00:55:43.798 --> 00:55:45.383
'cause I just don't like the
thought of my fuckin' family

1314
00:55:45.467 --> 00:55:47.427
being alone, no matter
if they bad or not.

1315
00:55:47.510 --> 00:55:49.012
So I would go visit him, right?

1316
00:55:49.095 --> 00:55:52.307
And he was definitely
still an asshole about it.

1317
00:55:52.390 --> 00:55:54.350
I went to visit him he's like,
oh, look at this bitch ass

1318
00:55:54.434 --> 00:55:56.144
nigga Chris,
coming up seeing me.

1319
00:55:56.227 --> 00:55:58.104
Oh, bitch ass nigga.
[imitating farts]

1320
00:55:58.188 --> 00:55:59.898
Who am I?

1321
00:56:01.066 --> 00:56:03.568
I'm like, dawg, it wasn't even
that kind of fart, dawg.

1322
00:56:03.651 --> 00:56:04.986
You gotta chill.

1323
00:56:05.070 --> 00:56:07.238
And he's like, nah you're
the bitch that fart.

1324
00:56:07.322 --> 00:56:09.115
[imitating farts]
Look at your ass.

1325
00:56:09.199 --> 00:56:11.785
So I'm impulsive, so I lost it.

1326
00:56:11.868 --> 00:56:15.663
And I was like, that's why
you drank my pee nigga!

1327
00:56:20.376 --> 00:56:21.961
All right, here's the thing
about this

1328
00:56:22.045 --> 00:56:23.963
is, yes I
did do that weird ass

1329
00:56:24.047 --> 00:56:26.299
Morphin' time
Power Ranger shit,

1330
00:56:26.382 --> 00:56:29.135
but also, I definitely
forgot people

1331
00:56:29.219 --> 00:56:32.138
heard that out of context.

1332
00:56:32.222 --> 00:56:33.807
And it was so
weird for the room.

1333
00:56:33.890 --> 00:56:37.185
Everybody was like, oh,
we're done for the day, uh--

1334
00:56:37.268 --> 00:56:38.812
But what was
fucked up about it,

1335
00:56:38.895 --> 00:56:41.773
is as soon as I said that,
the look on his face,

1336
00:56:41.856 --> 00:56:45.401
he knew the exact day I
was fuckin' talking about.

1337
00:56:45.485 --> 00:56:46.820
It had been years.

1338
00:56:46.903 --> 00:56:48.655
The second I saw it,
he was like, I knew

1339
00:56:48.738 --> 00:56:50.698
that wasn't warm beer!

1340
00:56:50.782 --> 00:56:53.201
That nigga punched out a guard.
[imitates blow landing]

1341
00:56:53.284 --> 00:56:56.079
That guard didn't do anything.

1342
00:56:56.162 --> 00:56:57.705
We ain't talked
for months, man.

1343
00:56:57.789 --> 00:56:59.165
I thought we would
never talk again.

1344
00:56:59.249 --> 00:57:00.792
Then he hit me, you know,
to come visit him.

1345
00:57:00.875 --> 00:57:02.001
So I did.

1346
00:57:02.085 --> 00:57:03.920
And it was different, you know?

1347
00:57:04.003 --> 00:57:06.673
I pulled up, and he had
a whole different vibe.

1348
00:57:06.756 --> 00:57:08.716
He was like, hey cuz,
come sit down, boy.

1349
00:57:08.800 --> 00:57:10.260
Hey man, it's good
to see you, my nigga.

1350
00:57:10.343 --> 00:57:11.678
You look good.

1351
00:57:11.761 --> 00:57:14.848
So already I'm like,
what the fuck is this?

1352
00:57:14.931 --> 00:57:16.683
He's like, hey man,
I just wanna say, dawg,

1353
00:57:16.766 --> 00:57:19.894
like, man,
I got my GED in here.

1354
00:57:19.978 --> 00:57:22.021
You know, I got a job and shit.
I've been going to counseling.

1355
00:57:22.105 --> 00:57:23.731
Started working through
my shit, you know?

1356
00:57:23.815 --> 00:57:24.899
I'm a Muslim now.

1357
00:57:24.983 --> 00:57:26.526
I'm like, oh, congratulations.

1358
00:57:26.609 --> 00:57:28.319
He's like yeah, dawg,
I read the Bible every day.

1359
00:57:28.403 --> 00:57:32.073
I'm like,
that's the wrong book, um--

1360
00:57:32.157 --> 00:57:33.408
He in there a long time.

1361
00:57:33.491 --> 00:57:36.786
I ain't about to
fuck up his progress.

1362
00:57:38.037 --> 00:57:40.165
And he's like, yo, I just
wanna say, man, like

1363
00:57:40.248 --> 00:57:41.875
I know you looked up to me,
dawg,

1364
00:57:41.958 --> 00:57:43.960
and I didn't do right by you
as your big cousin, man,

1365
00:57:44.043 --> 00:57:46.379
and I apologize for that shit,
dawg, you know?

1366
00:57:46.462 --> 00:57:48.339
It was weirdly a sweet moment.

1367
00:57:48.423 --> 00:57:50.383
But I had to ask him, though,
I was like, yo, man,

1368
00:57:50.466 --> 00:57:52.177
when you got arrested, though,
cuz, like,

1369
00:57:52.260 --> 00:57:54.053
and you said, "About time,

1370
00:57:54.137 --> 00:57:56.806
should have caught
me last year."

1371
00:57:56.890 --> 00:57:58.391
Why did you say that?

1372
00:57:58.474 --> 00:58:01.895
And he was like, look man,
I only had two options.

1373
00:58:01.978 --> 00:58:04.314
I had a lot of guns upstairs,
could have lit that shit up,

1374
00:58:04.397 --> 00:58:06.649
went out like Scarface,
you know what I'm saying?

1375
00:58:06.733 --> 00:58:09.068
But you and my sister and
my brother was downstairs.

1376
00:58:09.152 --> 00:58:10.528
I couldn't put you
all through that shit,

1377
00:58:10.612 --> 00:58:12.197
so I knew it was my time to go.

1378
00:58:12.280 --> 00:58:13.948
But I wanted all them
niggas in that room to know.

1379
00:58:14.032 --> 00:58:15.992
All them cops. I want the all
them cops to know

1380
00:58:16.075 --> 00:58:19.370
they are very bad detectives.

1381
00:58:21.414 --> 00:58:23.082
And that's the level
of petty I want

1382
00:58:23.166 --> 00:58:24.209
in my relationship, nigga.

1383
00:58:24.292 --> 00:58:27.629
Because that's petty.

1384
00:58:27.712 --> 00:58:32.091
That's petty.
[cheers and applause]

1385
00:58:32.175 --> 00:58:35.345
My man went to jail for
life only to have cops

1386
00:58:35.428 --> 00:58:36.638
going to bed like, last year?

1387
00:58:36.721 --> 00:58:38.806
What did we miss?
You know?

1388
00:58:38.890 --> 00:58:40.892
[applause]

1389
00:58:40.975 --> 00:58:43.102
Hey, thank y'all so
motherfuckin' much!

1390
00:58:43.186 --> 00:58:45.980
I love you, St. Louis!
Peace!

1391
00:58:46.064 --> 00:58:49.025
[cheers and applause]

1392
00:58:49.108 --> 00:58:52.028
<i>[hip-hop music]</i>

1393
00:58:52.111 --> 00:58:59.202
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1394
00:59:04.874 --> 00:59:07.502
- As a kid, what
was your kid dream?

1395
00:59:07.585 --> 00:59:09.837
- To party.

1396
00:59:09.921 --> 00:59:11.631
- To party?

1397
00:59:11.714 --> 00:59:14.133
That was your childhood dream?

1398
00:59:14.217 --> 00:59:15.843
Nigga's like, I wanna
be a basketball player.

1399
00:59:15.927 --> 00:59:16.970
I wanna be Superman.

1400
00:59:17.053 --> 00:59:19.138
I wanna party right here.

1401
00:59:21.057 --> 00:59:23.810
Turn it up, nigga,
I can't hear the beat.

1402
00:59:25.353 --> 00:59:26.980
Can you imagine
seeing that kid?

1403
00:59:27.772 --> 00:59:31.109
Recess is over.
It ain't never over, bitch!

1404
00:59:31.192 --> 00:59:32.527
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1405
00:59:32.610 --> 00:59:34.654
<i>- ♪ Why am I like this? ♪</i>