WEBVTT FILE

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LUKE: <i>All right, girls,</i>
<i>what we rehearsed.</i>

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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-MAN: <i>Drums.</i>
-(SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES FANFARE PLAYING)

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(ALL VOCALIZING
SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES FANFARE)

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-MAN: <i>Hey.</i>
-(VOCALIZING CONTINUES)

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(ALL VOCALIZING OFF KEY)

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KEEGAN: <i>Girl, we sound mad good.</i>

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-(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
-MAN: <i>She's an icon.</i>

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<i>She's a legend.</i>

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<i>She's an icon.</i>

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<i>She's a legend.</i>

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NOAH: <i>"It is a truth</i>
<i>universally acknowledged</i>

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<i>"that a single man</i>
<i>in possession of a good fortune</i>

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<i>"must be in want of a wife."</i>

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<i>You know who said that?</i>
<i>Jane Austen, the queen.</i>

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Fucking shit.

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<i>Pretty dope way to start a story,</i>
<i>right?</i> (CHUCKLES)

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<i>Well, no offense to my girl, Jane, but</i>
<i>that sounds like some hetero nonsense.</i>

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<i>Listen, I don't know much</i>
<i>about a good fortune,</i>

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<i>but not every single man</i>
<i>is looking for a wife.</i>

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Hey.

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Oh.

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Hey, you.

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You're still here, which is awesome.

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-Except, um, you have to leave.
-Sorry, what?

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No, listen, last night was fun.

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-(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
<i>-MAN: She's an icon.</i>

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But seriously, you gotta go.

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<i>Yeah, I know that looked a little harsh,</i>
<i>but he had boyfriend energy,</i>

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<i>and that is just not me.</i>

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<i>Besides, this week is sacred.</i>

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<i>We're going to Fire Island.</i>
<i>It's like gay Disney World.</i>

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<i>Fun for the whole family...</i>

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LUKE: Come on. Hurry up!

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<i>-...except when I say family...</i>
-Get on the boat!

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<i>-I think about those faggots.</i>
-HOWIE: Let's go!

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NOAH: <i>Please don't cancel me.</i>
<i>I'm reclaiming it.</i>

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<i>To me, it just means, um, sisters.</i>

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-Stupid bitch, Noah. Every year.
-NOAH: I made it, didn't I?

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-How? You missed every train.
-I took a Lyft.

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What, from Bushwick?
What is that? Like, a $300 ride?

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-How are you paying for this?
-You finally start a OnlyFans?

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It's called a credit card, idiot.

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You've literally never
made a student loan payment,

46
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who would give you a credit card?

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Amanda at Forever 21.

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-Amanda.
-Oh, my God.

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NOAH: <i>So, yeah, we're poor.</i>

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<i>Not, like, poor-poor,</i>

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<i>but poor as in none of us have a chance</i>
<i>in hell of buying property, ever?</i>

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<i>But this is what brought us together.</i>

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<i>We all met almost ten years ago</i>

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<i>working at the same cursed</i>
<i>brunch spot in Williamsburg.</i>

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Bottomless mimosas, bitches!

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(LAUGHS)

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NOAH: <i>Back then, we were broke queers,</i>

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<i>subsisting off of predatory</i>
<i>student loans and brunch tips.</i>

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LUKE: Come here, baby.

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-NOAH: <i>That's Luke and Keegan.</i>
-Oh! That's good.

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NOAH: <i>They met in theater school.</i>

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<i>They were both eventually</i>
<i>kicked out of the program,</i>

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<i>but they're still convinced</i>
<i>they're stars.</i>

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LUKE: Yes!

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NOAH: <i>There's sweet Max.</i>

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Can you guys be a little quiet?

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NOAH: <i>Super smart,</i>
<i>but he can be a little uptight.</i>

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<i>He claims he doesn't</i>
<i>come on this trip to hook up,</i>

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<i>but he puts out in the Meat Rack</i>
<i>just like the rest of us.</i>

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It's really coming together.

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NOAH: <i>And then there's Howie.</i>

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<i>The best of us on almost every level.</i>

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<i>He deserted me a few years ago</i>

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<i>for some cush start-up job</i>
<i>in San Francisco,</i>

75
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<i>but he still makes it back</i>
<i>every year for this trip.</i>

76
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<i>Our bond goes a little deeper</i>
<i>than everyone else's</i>

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<i>for complex, spiritual reasons.</i>
<i>And, well...</i>

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MAN: Jackie Chan, hey.
Can I get another refill here, bud?

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NOAH: <i>All the obvious ones, too.</i>

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Yeah, well, looks like it's that time.

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A lot of people on Twitter think

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body positivity
has actually gone too far.

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Uh-huh.

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Why would you conform to
this community's toxic body standards?

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Whatever. I'm still invisible
to most of these people.

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-What does that make me?
-No fats, no fems, no Asians.

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Noah, you still two out of the three.

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NOAH: <i>Bitchy, yes, but not wrong.</i>

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<i>In our community,</i>
<i>money isn't the only form of currency.</i>

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<i>Race, masculinity, abs,</i>

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<i>just few of the metrics</i>
<i>we use to separate ourselves</i>

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<i>into upper and lower classes.</i>

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<i>Of course,</i>
<i>I don't care about all that shit, but,</i>

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<i>what can I say? I'm a class traitor.</i>

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And this why straight people hate us.

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I mean, also, heteronormativity,
Judeo-Christian pathology, anal.

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Whatever. Who cares what they think?

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We're not gonna see one
for a fucking week.

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-(KEEGAN AND HOWIE GASP)
-Whoo!

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(GASPS) Ah!

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-Yes!
-(ALL CHEERING)

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(INDIE POP MUSIC PLAYING)

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(ALL CHEERING)

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I forgot how far away the house is.

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-Hey.
-Hi, guys.

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Hey.

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-Stop being weird.
-Okay, it's a nice human gesture.

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Hey. How are you guys?

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-(MAN 1 LAUGHS)
-MAN 2: No, thanks.

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This place is so toxic.

111
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Why? Because of those guys? Fuck them.

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As far as I'm concerned,
we are the hottest people here.

113
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Luke's right. Why would you say hello
to someone you don't wanna fuck?

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NOAH: Because fucking isn't
the only reason some people come here.

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No, that is the only reason
that you come here.

116
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No, I also come here to read.
I contain multitudes.

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She thinks that makes her
less of a whore than the rest of us.

118
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No, I just know who I am,
that's empowering.

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Besides, anybody can fuck
on Fire Island.

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-(HOWIE SCOFFS)
-Okay,

121
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the only reason you don't is because...

122
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I'm sorry,
that was an involuntary response.

123
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I'm fine. Seriously.

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MAX: It's actually a logistical
nightmare to fuck on this island.

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At least, if you wanna do it indoors,
you know, no privacy anywhere.

126
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That's what the outdoors are for, girl.

127
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Ew, have you heard of ticks?

128
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Okay, how about their best friend?
Lyme disease.

129
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-No.
-MAX: I'm serious.

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Bitch! I knew I smelled some bottoms.

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(ALL LAUGH)

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-You bitch.
-Little bitch!

133
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NOAH: <i>And that is Erin.</i>

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<i>The last member</i>
<i>of our makeshift little family.</i>

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<i>Career brunch server,</i>
<i>age unknown, lesbian scam queen.</i>

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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

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<i>Five years ago, she made a mini fortune</i>
<i>after she ate a piece of glass</i>

138
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<i>at a major Italian chain restaurant</i>
<i>and won a huge settlement.</i>

139
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<i>She even got a little tattoo</i>
<i>above her vagina that says,</i>

140
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<i>"All-you-can-eat salad."</i>

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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

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-LUKE: Come on, Keegan, let's go, baby.
-Okay!

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NOAH: <i>First thing she did with the money</i>
<i>was buy a little house on the island.</i>

144
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<i>She invites us</i>
<i>to stay with her every year.</i>

145
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ERIN: Welcome home, little chickadees.

146
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LUKE: Cover it with your whole body.

147
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KEEGAN: This is ours.

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LUKE: Baby, use your mass.
Plan this shit, girl.

149
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NOAH: <i>In exchange, we let her believe</i>

150
00:06:58.710 --> 00:07:01.296
<i>she's the closest thing</i>
<i>any of us have to a mother.</i>

151
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(SIGHS) It feels like
it gets smaller every year.

152
00:07:05.008 --> 00:07:07.218
Are you kidding me? It's perfect.

153
00:07:07.302 --> 00:07:09.304
<i>For me at least, it's sort of true.</i>

154
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Welcome home.

155
00:07:14.935 --> 00:07:15.936
(BOTTLE POPS)

156
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(NOAH CHUCKLES)

157
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Coming here was a mistake.

158
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I can't believe
you talked me into this again.

159
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What the fuck are you talking about?
I only see you on FaceTime now.

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No, I'm serious.
We used to come here to be...

161
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-Gay and stupid.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)

162
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And now...

163
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I come here,
I just feel terminally alone.

164
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Alone? Look around.
We're literally swimming in dick.

165
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No, I don't mean like that.
I mean, like, existentially lonely.

166
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I mean, here, in S. F.,
I've never had a boyfriend.

167
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(SCOFFS) Oh, God.

168
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Monogamy industrial complex
rears its ugly head.

169
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I've never had a boyfriend either
and I'm fuckin' awesome.

170
00:07:57.519 --> 00:07:59.896
-Yeah, well, I'm not you.
-You could be.

171
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You just have to get laid
once in a while.

172
00:08:01.982 --> 00:08:04.401
-Oh, fuck off.
-No, I'm serious. I mean, why not?

173
00:08:04.484 --> 00:08:05.944
You're cute, you're funny,

174
00:08:06.027 --> 00:08:09.072
you're consistently the least repellent
to men out of all of us.

175
00:08:09.155 --> 00:08:10.740
I mean, let me be your wingman.

176
00:08:10.824 --> 00:08:14.369
Everybody should fuck on Fire Island
at least once. It's like our birthright.

177
00:08:14.452 --> 00:08:16.496
Why is this so important to you?

178
00:08:16.579 --> 00:08:18.873
-Oh, my God, you've never had sex.
-Noah.

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Fine.

180
00:08:23.545 --> 00:08:25.046
Do you remember when we met?

181
00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:28.967
I was, like,
a completely different person back then.

182
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Felt invisible all the time,
I was miserable.

183
00:08:32.554 --> 00:08:36.808
And then we came out here.
And, I don't know, something clicked.

184
00:08:36.891 --> 00:08:41.062
You know, I realized how much power
I was giving away to other people

185
00:08:41.146 --> 00:08:44.607
to make me feel a certain way
and I took it all back.

186
00:08:45.775 --> 00:08:50.155
Started to do some self-improvement,
and my whole life changed.

187
00:08:51.489 --> 00:08:53.158
Babe, you don't need a boyfriend.

188
00:08:53.241 --> 00:08:55.660
You need to learn
how to protect yourself more,

189
00:08:55.744 --> 00:08:58.121
'cause this romance bullshit
is making you vulnerable,

190
00:08:58.204 --> 00:08:59.456
you're like an open wound.

191
00:08:59.539 --> 00:09:01.458
Yeah, but I want the romance bullshit.

192
00:09:01.541 --> 00:09:05.420
I like the rom-com stuff,
like, kissing in the rain

193
00:09:05.503 --> 00:09:09.716
and standing outside my window
with a boombox

194
00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:13.386
or confessing things in a gazebo.
What's wrong with that?

195
00:09:13.470 --> 00:09:16.556
Nothing, it's just shit like that
doesn't happen in real life.

196
00:09:16.890 --> 00:09:20.018
The only real thing is you and me.

197
00:09:20.852 --> 00:09:21.895
Fuck the rest.

198
00:09:25.982 --> 00:09:31.071
Fine. If you're so invested in this,
I will try and get laid.

199
00:09:31.154 --> 00:09:32.197
Yes!

200
00:09:32.280 --> 00:09:34.866
But I have to be attracted to him.

201
00:09:34.949 --> 00:09:37.494
-He has to be nice to me.
-Okay.

202
00:09:37.577 --> 00:09:39.913
And no weird fetishes.
I'm not letting some guy

203
00:09:39.996 --> 00:09:42.749
stick his foot in my ass
just so I can say I got some.

204
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Okay, a little kink-shamey,
but point taken. (CHUCKLES)

205
00:09:46.252 --> 00:09:47.378
No settling.

206
00:09:47.462 --> 00:09:51.466
You are gonna have missionary,

207
00:09:51.549 --> 00:09:54.385
vanilla sex with the man of...

208
00:09:54.469 --> 00:09:57.055
-Men of your dreams.
-Oh.

209
00:09:57.138 --> 00:10:01.059
And, literally, I'm not even gonna look
at another guy till you get laid, okay?

210
00:10:01.142 --> 00:10:04.521
I'm serious. My only mission this week
is to make sure you're happy,

211
00:10:04.604 --> 00:10:07.357
that you know I know everything
and that I'm always right.

212
00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:09.484
<i>Yeah, that definitely</i>
<i>won't come back to fuck me.</i>

213
00:10:09.567 --> 00:10:10.944
-Cheers.
-Cheers.

214
00:10:11.778 --> 00:10:13.446
When is she gonna do what she said?

215
00:10:13.530 --> 00:10:15.949
Put in a hot tub.
They know now that they kill STIs.

216
00:10:16.032 --> 00:10:17.659
That's just a known fact in science.

217
00:10:17.742 --> 00:10:19.911
KEEGAN: Yeah,
you're putting our health at risk.

218
00:10:19.994 --> 00:10:21.830
Are you guys complaining right now?

219
00:10:21.913 --> 00:10:24.415
We're literally in paradise.
Let's go talk to cute boys.

220
00:10:24.499 --> 00:10:26.459
(EXCLAIMS) I think
I just saw a tick in my room.

221
00:10:26.543 --> 00:10:27.585
(ALL GASP)

222
00:10:30.755 --> 00:10:32.924
-HOWIE: No!
-LUKE: That's dumb.

223
00:10:38.346 --> 00:10:41.516
Okay. You know what?
This is a good thing.

224
00:10:41.599 --> 00:10:45.937
This is, um...
This is a positive development for me.

225
00:10:46.020 --> 00:10:47.647
Don't try and spin this.

226
00:10:47.730 --> 00:10:50.316
It'll give you the opportunity
to unplug from social media.

227
00:10:50.400 --> 00:10:52.068
-What will I look at when I shit?
-(GAGS)

228
00:10:52.152 --> 00:10:53.236
Did you get AppleCare?

229
00:10:53.319 --> 00:10:56.197
Dad says if you don't get AppleCare,
you only have yourself to blame.

230
00:10:56.281 --> 00:10:59.450
What about me having
an iPhone 6 Plus in 2022

231
00:10:59.534 --> 00:11:01.452
makes you think I can afford AppleCare?

232
00:11:01.578 --> 00:11:03.705
Girl, just get Mommy Erin
to buy you a new one.

233
00:11:03.788 --> 00:11:05.081
Don't be gross.

234
00:11:05.832 --> 00:11:09.127
Unless you can.
I mean, if you... Never mind.

235
00:11:09.210 --> 00:11:11.880
-I'm just kidding. That was just a joke.
-Oh, no.

236
00:11:11.963 --> 00:11:14.007
It's not about the phone. (SNIFFLES)

237
00:11:14.090 --> 00:11:15.133
It's everything.

238
00:11:16.217 --> 00:11:18.178
Girls, I have some terrible news.

239
00:11:19.053 --> 00:11:20.722
(CLICKS TONGUE) We're broke.

240
00:11:20.805 --> 00:11:22.932
What? How is that possible?

241
00:11:23.016 --> 00:11:25.310
You know me,
I've never been good with money.

242
00:11:25.393 --> 00:11:27.270
I was an early investor in Quibi.

243
00:11:27.353 --> 00:11:29.898
This house is the only good investment
I ever made.

244
00:11:29.981 --> 00:11:32.192
Which is why I have to sell it.

245
00:11:32.275 --> 00:11:34.444
-You're not.
-HOWIE: Sell the house?

246
00:11:34.527 --> 00:11:36.487
-It's my home.
-MAX: This doesn't make sense.

247
00:11:36.571 --> 00:11:38.781
-Girl, I'm sorry.
-Oh, my God.

248
00:11:38.865 --> 00:11:41.117
-This is our last summer.
-Just stop.

249
00:11:41.201 --> 00:11:44.078
Don't be ridiculous.
The island's always gonna be here.

250
00:11:44.162 --> 00:11:46.873
-Except the whole climate change thing.
-Okay.

251
00:11:46.956 --> 00:11:48.291
You don't need me.

252
00:11:48.374 --> 00:11:49.500
Yeah, I do.

253
00:11:50.376 --> 00:11:52.754
I mean, personally, I need all of you...

254
00:11:53.713 --> 00:11:56.257
It wouldn't be the same
if we didn't come together.

255
00:11:57.550 --> 00:11:59.886
-You're gonna make me cry.
-Don't cry.

256
00:12:01.888 --> 00:12:04.515
Okay, enough.
Enough of this. It's all right.

257
00:12:04.599 --> 00:12:06.893
We still have this week.

258
00:12:07.685 --> 00:12:12.065
So, let's pull ourselves together
and get ready for tea.

259
00:12:12.148 --> 00:12:13.608
-LUKE: Let's go get to tea.
-Okay.

260
00:12:13.691 --> 00:12:15.860
-MAX: You're right.
-KEEGAN: We're doing tea.

261
00:12:15.944 --> 00:12:16.945
LUKE: One week.

262
00:12:17.028 --> 00:12:19.280
Can I trade
a Crest Whitestrip for a PrEP pill?

263
00:12:19.364 --> 00:12:21.908
-HOWIE: I got you.
-LUKE: I need to change the mood.

264
00:12:31.417 --> 00:12:33.503
NOAH: <i>Guess I better make</i>
<i>this week count, huh?</i>

265
00:12:36.506 --> 00:12:39.384
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

266
00:12:45.014 --> 00:12:46.391
(WHISTLE BLOWS)

267
00:12:50.395 --> 00:12:54.065
NOAH: <i>Back when it was all but illegal</i>
<i>for us to exist, the "Tea Dance,"</i>

268
00:12:54.148 --> 00:12:56.401
<i>as it was called back then,</i>
<i>was a discreet way for us</i>

269
00:12:56.484 --> 00:12:58.945
<i>to gather and dance</i>
<i>without getting arrested.</i>

270
00:13:00.697 --> 00:13:03.741
<i>Tea has evolved a lot</i>
<i>since those early days.</i>

271
00:13:04.951 --> 00:13:06.703
<i>But when it comes to sex,</i>

272
00:13:08.162 --> 00:13:10.164
<i>some things never change.</i>

273
00:13:12.375 --> 00:13:15.211
Are you guys seriously
on Grindr right now?

274
00:13:15.295 --> 00:13:17.463
-Look where we are.
-Okay, Miss Bitch.

275
00:13:17.588 --> 00:13:19.716
If you had a phone,
you'd be Grind-ing as well.

276
00:13:19.799 --> 00:13:22.677
This isn't what the Gay Liberation Front
envisioned for us.

277
00:13:22.760 --> 00:13:24.554
Other than the Charli XCX remix,

278
00:13:24.637 --> 00:13:26.597
this is exactly
what they envisioned for us.

279
00:13:26.681 --> 00:13:29.142
Seriously, what is the point
of Gay Liberation

280
00:13:29.225 --> 00:13:33.229
if we can't feel a little liberated?

281
00:13:33.313 --> 00:13:34.564
NOAH: She's spinning!

282
00:13:34.647 --> 00:13:35.815
(ALL CHEERING)

283
00:13:35.898 --> 00:13:37.692
The season has begun!

284
00:13:38.234 --> 00:13:39.235
Twirl!

285
00:13:39.319 --> 00:13:40.486
(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

286
00:13:40.570 --> 00:13:42.113
HOWIE: Spinning!

287
00:13:44.615 --> 00:13:45.742
NOAH: Don't look now,

288
00:13:45.825 --> 00:13:48.828
but I think this guy over here
is a little obsessed with you.

289
00:13:48.911 --> 00:13:50.121
What? Him?

290
00:13:51.581 --> 00:13:54.042
-ERIN: Who you looking at?
-Are we checking someone out?

291
00:13:54.125 --> 00:13:56.753
KEEGAN: Oh, my God.
Back it up, I'll take all three.

292
00:13:56.836 --> 00:13:59.839
Yeah, they can definitely tell
we're looking at them now.

293
00:14:02.175 --> 00:14:03.676
(GASPS) Did he just wave?

294
00:14:03.760 --> 00:14:05.094
Yeah. And smiled.

295
00:14:05.178 --> 00:14:07.305
That wouldn't be settling, right?
Be right back.

296
00:14:07.388 --> 00:14:09.974
-What are you doing?
-Getting us a couple of drinks.

297
00:14:11.225 --> 00:14:12.310
Girl, they are hot.

298
00:14:12.393 --> 00:14:14.062
NOAH: <i>I don't wanna push too hard,</i>

299
00:14:14.145 --> 00:14:17.023
<i>but the sooner Howie lets go</i>
<i>of his insecurities and gets laid,</i>

300
00:14:17.106 --> 00:14:18.483
<i>the sooner I can get laid.</i>

301
00:14:22.445 --> 00:14:23.529
-Hey.
-Howdy.

302
00:14:23.613 --> 00:14:25.198
Oh, God. Hi.

303
00:14:25.281 --> 00:14:27.909
Couldn't help notice
you lookin' at me earlier.

304
00:14:28.451 --> 00:14:31.829
-(CHUCKLES) No. I wasn't looking at you.
-I'm Moses. Are you Korean?

305
00:14:31.913 --> 00:14:34.082
You look Korean. I have a sense.

306
00:14:34.874 --> 00:14:36.376
Let me get your drink.

307
00:14:36.459 --> 00:14:39.879
No. My boyfriend here, he's gonna...
He's gonna grab it for us.

308
00:14:39.962 --> 00:14:42.590
I'm sorry, I'm not sure
I understand what's going on.

309
00:14:42.673 --> 00:14:43.716
Honey.

310
00:14:43.800 --> 00:14:46.594
Are you Filipino? You look Filipino.

311
00:14:48.054 --> 00:14:49.097
I'm gonna go.

312
00:14:51.391 --> 00:14:53.059
Two Shirley Temples, please.

313
00:14:53.976 --> 00:14:56.396
Okay, somebody else has
to go and get the drinks.

314
00:14:56.479 --> 00:14:59.190
-What are we looking at?
-Erin found that guy's Instagram.

315
00:14:59.273 --> 00:15:00.691
Okay, that's frightening.

316
00:15:00.775 --> 00:15:01.984
I hope he's cool though,

317
00:15:02.068 --> 00:15:04.737
'cause his friend
turned out to be kind of a dud!

318
00:15:04.821 --> 00:15:06.864
Private Instagram? What's he hiding?

319
00:15:06.948 --> 00:15:10.243
We know his name is Charlie,
and he's got a dog emoji

320
00:15:10.326 --> 00:15:13.621
and a plant emoji and a stethoscope
emoji. What a riddle.

321
00:15:14.205 --> 00:15:16.332
We'll solve that later
'cause they're leaving.

322
00:15:16.416 --> 00:15:17.875
-What are you doing?
-Trust me.

323
00:15:17.959 --> 00:15:19.210
Said that he was cute.

324
00:15:20.086 --> 00:15:22.171
HOWIE: Noah, it's fine. (GRUNTS)

325
00:15:22.255 --> 00:15:24.215
-ERIN: Oh, my God.
-LUKE: She fell.

326
00:15:24.298 --> 00:15:26.634
What is your fucking problem?

327
00:15:26.717 --> 00:15:28.344
Whoa. Are you all right?

328
00:15:29.595 --> 00:15:31.305
It's fine. It happens...

329
00:15:31.389 --> 00:15:32.849
All the time. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

330
00:15:33.266 --> 00:15:34.600
Does it really?

331
00:15:34.684 --> 00:15:36.561
You must have very strong bones.

332
00:15:37.520 --> 00:15:39.230
Just my knees, I guess.

333
00:15:40.690 --> 00:15:41.941
Oh, God.

334
00:15:42.024 --> 00:15:44.652
Oh, God, that does not sound right.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry.

335
00:15:44.819 --> 00:15:49.115
Um, were you guys going?
Because we were gonna catch the sunset.

336
00:15:49.198 --> 00:15:50.867
So weird. We were, too.

337
00:15:50.950 --> 00:15:53.453
Oh, great. I'm Charlie, by the way.

338
00:15:53.536 --> 00:15:54.787
-We know.
-What?

339
00:15:54.871 --> 00:15:56.497
NOAH: Never mind. Just keep walking.

340
00:15:57.915 --> 00:16:01.127
Uh, do you want some whiskey?
It would help with your knees.

341
00:16:01.210 --> 00:16:03.671
-You can trust me. I'm a doctor.
-(YELLS)

342
00:16:12.597 --> 00:16:14.640
CHARLIE:
...look like they're strawberries.

343
00:16:14.724 --> 00:16:16.350
-You know?
-That's a classic.

344
00:16:16.434 --> 00:16:17.435
What are those called?

345
00:16:17.518 --> 00:16:18.978
-Strawberries.
-They are good.

346
00:16:19.061 --> 00:16:21.439
NOAH: <i>Look at those two.</i>
<i>Absolutely perfect.</i>

347
00:16:22.940 --> 00:16:24.775
<i>Except for one small thing.</i>

348
00:16:24.859 --> 00:16:26.694
Hey, sorry. What do you do again?

349
00:16:28.571 --> 00:16:30.865
NOAH: <i>The friends.</i>
<i>That's problem number one.</i>

350
00:16:30.948 --> 00:16:33.951
I do graphic design for this start-up.

351
00:16:34.035 --> 00:16:37.622
NOAH: <i>Cooper, who told us immediately</i>
<i>that he's a brand manager.</i>

352
00:16:37.705 --> 00:16:38.748
<i>Whatever that is.</i>

353
00:16:38.831 --> 00:16:42.710
And I'm a big, powerful lawyer like
Christine Baranski in <i>The Good Wife.</i>

354
00:16:43.503 --> 00:16:44.545
Seriously?

355
00:16:44.629 --> 00:16:46.923
No. Christine is the only lawyer
I trust.

356
00:16:47.006 --> 00:16:48.633
The rest of them are all pretty evil.

357
00:16:48.966 --> 00:16:51.802
Oh. Uh, actually, Will is a lawyer.

358
00:16:52.803 --> 00:16:54.931
NOAH: <i>Problem number two. Will.</i>

359
00:16:55.014 --> 00:16:59.268
<i>He's from L. A., super rich, and thinks</i>
<i>he's way better than all of us.</i>

360
00:16:59.352 --> 00:17:00.853
Uh, my bad. Sorry.

361
00:17:01.604 --> 00:17:04.273
I'm just a nurse, you know?

362
00:17:04.357 --> 00:17:06.901
Essential services. Saving lives.

363
00:17:06.984 --> 00:17:10.738
-Uh, what concentration? Trauma...
-Oh, no. Free clinic for gay sluts.

364
00:17:10.821 --> 00:17:12.615
I mostly just weigh people

365
00:17:12.698 --> 00:17:15.243
and steal doxycycline
for prophylactic purposes.

366
00:17:15.326 --> 00:17:18.579
-Oh, my God, it's starting. Look alive.
-Okay.

367
00:17:18.663 --> 00:17:22.750
ALL: Ten... Nine... Eight...

368
00:17:22.833 --> 00:17:26.879
Seven... Six... Five...

369
00:17:26.963 --> 00:17:28.589
-Five...
-Five...

370
00:17:28.673 --> 00:17:30.174
LUKE: Five...

371
00:17:30.258 --> 00:17:32.635
-Four...
-Four, point five...

372
00:17:32.718 --> 00:17:35.346
ALL: Three...

373
00:17:35.429 --> 00:17:37.974
-Two...
-(ERIN SQUEALS)

374
00:17:38.057 --> 00:17:40.601
One...

375
00:17:41.936 --> 00:17:44.730
-Point nine...
-Point nine...

376
00:17:44.814 --> 00:17:47.400
-Point eight...
-Point seven...

377
00:17:47.483 --> 00:17:49.402
-Point six...
-Point five...

378
00:17:49.485 --> 00:17:51.070
-Point four...
-Point three...

379
00:17:51.195 --> 00:17:52.530
Point two...

380
00:17:52.613 --> 00:17:54.615
(ALL CHEERING)

381
00:17:55.533 --> 00:17:57.535
MAX: That was better than last time.

382
00:17:57.618 --> 00:18:00.788
-I'm proud of you, girl. You set.
-Congratulations, everyone.

383
00:18:00.997 --> 00:18:01.998
(CHUCKLES)

384
00:18:02.123 --> 00:18:05.126
-We love her. Love that girl.
-I'll see you tomorrow, girl.

385
00:18:05.334 --> 00:18:07.378
Um, it's just a stupid bit
we like to do.

386
00:18:07.461 --> 00:18:09.630
(CHUCKLES) It's funny. You're funny.

387
00:18:13.926 --> 00:18:17.722
Well, it was nice meeting you,
and I'll see you around the island.

388
00:18:17.805 --> 00:18:19.015
Yeah, totally.

389
00:18:21.726 --> 00:18:24.353
What the fuck are you doing?
Wanna get fucked or not?

390
00:18:24.437 --> 00:18:25.438
I mean, not really.

391
00:18:25.521 --> 00:18:28.608
Plus, he's, like, a super-hot doctor.
And I'm...

392
00:18:28.691 --> 00:18:32.028
Do not finish that sentence.
You are a prize to be won, okay?

393
00:18:32.111 --> 00:18:33.904
So get over there, seal the deal.

394
00:18:33.988 --> 00:18:35.364
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-Sorry.

395
00:18:35.740 --> 00:18:36.991
Wow. Um...

396
00:18:37.241 --> 00:18:41.162
Hey, would you boys like to come
to sort of like an after-party at ours?

397
00:18:41.454 --> 00:18:42.663
It's very chill, just like

398
00:18:42.747 --> 00:18:44.915
-wine and a hot tub.
-HOWIE: Oh.

399
00:18:44.999 --> 00:18:47.585
We actually would love to,
but we gotta check with our house,

400
00:18:47.668 --> 00:18:50.421
'cause I think we have other plans,
but we'd love to fit you in.

401
00:18:50.504 --> 00:18:53.841
Okay, so there's a soft plan to go
to their house for a hot tub thing.

402
00:18:53.924 --> 00:18:56.677
-LUKE: Yes. A hot tub!
-KEEGAN: What? Hot tub?

403
00:18:56.761 --> 00:18:59.513
-BOTH: Hot tub. Hot tub. Hot...
-HOWIE: Everybody shut up!

404
00:18:59.597 --> 00:19:00.890
-KEEGAN: Shh, stop.
-HOWIE: Yes.

405
00:19:00.973 --> 00:19:02.558
-MAX: Absolutely.
-KEEGAN: Hell yeah.

406
00:19:02.642 --> 00:19:04.352
-NOAH: Be chill about it.
-HOWIE: Okay.

407
00:19:05.102 --> 00:19:06.646
Yeah, that should work for us.

408
00:19:07.438 --> 00:19:10.024
I really don't think
we needed to bring anything.

409
00:19:10.107 --> 00:19:12.026
And if you did wanna bring something,

410
00:19:12.109 --> 00:19:14.070
a full bottle of wine
would've been the play.

411
00:19:14.153 --> 00:19:16.364
Are you crazy?
I just told you we're broke.

412
00:19:16.447 --> 00:19:19.408
Wait. Do they have a house on the beach?

413
00:19:19.492 --> 00:19:22.244
Well, we can't go over there.
We are literal trash.

414
00:19:22.328 --> 00:19:24.914
-I'm sure their house is like ours...
-We're here.

415
00:19:24.997 --> 00:19:27.416
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

416
00:19:27.583 --> 00:19:29.794
Yeah, we definitely
can't bring that in here.

417
00:19:29.877 --> 00:19:32.129
-(BOTTLE BREAKS)
-(MAN SCREAMS) Oh, my God.

418
00:19:32.213 --> 00:19:35.925
NOAH: <i>A lot of people think you have to</i>
<i>be successful, white and rich</i>

419
00:19:36.008 --> 00:19:39.136
<i>with seven percent body fat</i>
<i>to vacation on Fire Island.</i>

420
00:19:39.845 --> 00:19:41.847
<i>Those people are all at this party.</i>

421
00:19:41.931 --> 00:19:44.684
Excuse me. Can we help you?

422
00:19:44.850 --> 00:19:47.395
NOAH: <i>That's code.</i>
<i>He does not wanna help us.</i>

423
00:19:47.478 --> 00:19:50.523
Yeah. Hi. Is Charlie here?

424
00:19:51.315 --> 00:19:53.192
I think you may have the wrong house.

425
00:19:53.567 --> 00:19:54.902
Why would you think that?

426
00:19:56.112 --> 00:19:57.113
COOPER: Oh, my God.

427
00:19:58.072 --> 00:20:00.241
-You all.
-You know them?

428
00:20:01.033 --> 00:20:02.034
Of course.

429
00:20:02.118 --> 00:20:04.453
They're the cute little friends
we made at tea.

430
00:20:04.537 --> 00:20:08.416
NOAH: <i>And "cute little friends" is code</i>
<i>for not a fuckable one in the bunch.</i>

431
00:20:08.499 --> 00:20:10.876
COOPER: Get up here.
Don't be rude, Braden.

432
00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:13.462
-Get up here, he says.
-Such a bad girl.

433
00:20:14.296 --> 00:20:17.967
LUKE: Hey, you guys smell good.
Abercrombie &amp; Fitch Fierce?

434
00:20:18.050 --> 00:20:19.218
(LAUGHS) Good stuff.

435
00:20:19.301 --> 00:20:20.428
We should talk later.

436
00:20:20.511 --> 00:20:23.305
These stairs is nice.
Bitch, I feel like we're plus one.

437
00:20:23.389 --> 00:20:25.808
LUKE: What's the address?
I wanna order thousands of 'em.

438
00:20:25.891 --> 00:20:26.892
How you doing?

439
00:20:27.393 --> 00:20:29.478
Bitch, you're on snacks. I'm on drinks.

440
00:20:29.562 --> 00:20:30.563
-Go.
-Okay.

441
00:20:30.646 --> 00:20:31.897
-A shot, please.
-I got this.

442
00:20:31.981 --> 00:20:33.649
-Let me just do it.
-I was a bartender.

443
00:20:33.733 --> 00:20:35.693
-You were a bar-back.
-LUKE: Semantics.

444
00:20:36.277 --> 00:20:39.071
NOAH: You wanna slow down.
It's like night one. Jesus.

445
00:20:39.155 --> 00:20:41.741
Excuse me, Dad.
Did you not hear Erin before?

446
00:20:41.824 --> 00:20:44.452
-We have to make the most of this night.
-Fair point.

447
00:20:44.910 --> 00:20:48.831
Oh, my God.
Bitch. Look at all of this cheese.

448
00:20:48.914 --> 00:20:50.916
Bring that here.
I can use that as a garnish.

449
00:20:51.000 --> 00:20:53.043
Guess you guys aren't bottoming tonight.

450
00:20:53.127 --> 00:20:56.839
LUKE: Actually, I'm one of the cleanest
ever, I've been told, bottom-wise.

451
00:20:58.215 --> 00:20:59.633
Can you cut limes right now?

452
00:20:59.717 --> 00:21:01.719
-KEEGAN: Cut limes?
-We can handle knives, right?

453
00:21:01.802 --> 00:21:03.053
KEEGAN: Yeah, why not?

454
00:21:03.137 --> 00:21:05.181
HOWIE: He starts, <i>Gays in Space.</i>

455
00:21:05.264 --> 00:21:08.142
And Jason Bateman
is surprisingly a good gay person.

456
00:21:08.225 --> 00:21:09.477
In like a very happy way.

457
00:21:09.560 --> 00:21:10.561
(LAUGHS)

458
00:21:10.644 --> 00:21:12.772
-You have to see it. It's like...
-Okay.

459
00:21:12.855 --> 00:21:15.983
-...really important.
-NOAH: Hey, guys. What'd I miss?

460
00:21:16.066 --> 00:21:19.779
I was just explaining this <i>SNL</i> sketch.
He's never seen <i>Gays in Space.</i>

461
00:21:19.862 --> 00:21:23.365
Honestly, the way you explained it,
I don't even wanna watch the sketch now.

462
00:21:23.449 --> 00:21:25.826
-You should probably watch the sketch.
-I refuse to.

463
00:21:25.910 --> 00:21:27.328
-Why are you being...
-Adamantly.

464
00:21:27.411 --> 00:21:30.915
Charlie. Have you seen Will?
I can't find him. He's hiding.

465
00:21:32.041 --> 00:21:33.125
Oh. Um...

466
00:21:33.793 --> 00:21:37.546
No, I haven't. But, uh... If you will
excuse me, I'll be right back.

467
00:21:40.216 --> 00:21:43.469
Cooper, have you heard of <i>Gays in Space?</i>

468
00:21:43.552 --> 00:21:45.554
-(CHUCKLING)
-COOPER: Is that like <i>Spaceballs?</i>

469
00:21:48.557 --> 00:21:51.769
Girl, please tell me you have not spent
the entire conversation

470
00:21:51.852 --> 00:21:53.729
walking him through old <i>SNL</i> sketches.

471
00:21:53.813 --> 00:21:57.358
Shut up. It's a classic.
But, no, it's been nice.

472
00:21:58.067 --> 00:22:00.778
He's a pediatrician,
isn't that so adorable?

473
00:22:00.861 --> 00:22:04.156
Sure. But is he a top or bottom,
does he eat ass, is he on PrEP?

474
00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:06.158
Have you gained no vital information?

475
00:22:06.242 --> 00:22:10.788
It's not like that.
I think he just likes talking to me.

476
00:22:10.871 --> 00:22:12.790
Then what the fuck are we doing here?

477
00:22:12.873 --> 00:22:15.501
These people are not our people.
I was talking to one of them.

478
00:22:15.584 --> 00:22:18.045
He thinks Lindsey Graham
was in <i>The Parent Trap.</i>

479
00:22:18.128 --> 00:22:19.171
Yikes.

480
00:22:19.713 --> 00:22:20.714
I gotta pee.

481
00:22:26.011 --> 00:22:29.640
Lindsey Graham in <i>The Parent Trap.</i>
I would watch that.

482
00:22:37.189 --> 00:22:39.942
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

483
00:22:44.738 --> 00:22:45.739
<i>Hmm.</i>

484
00:22:46.657 --> 00:22:48.826
<i>Let's see what Charlie's working with.</i>

485
00:22:48.909 --> 00:22:51.996
CHARLIE: He hasn't asked me for drugs.
It just feels special.

486
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:54.748
And he is nothing like Rhys,
I will say that for him.

487
00:22:54.832 --> 00:22:57.710
WILL: Yeah, well, you just met him,
so it's kind of hard to know.

488
00:22:57.793 --> 00:23:00.671
CHARLIE: He hasn't asked me
what I'm into one time.

489
00:23:00.754 --> 00:23:02.298
It's so nice.

490
00:23:02.381 --> 00:23:05.885
WILL: Okay. I'm just saying
you've been single for what? A month?

491
00:23:05.968 --> 00:23:09.388
CHARLIE: Calm down.
I think that he's cute and funny.

492
00:23:09.471 --> 00:23:10.931
-WILL: Great.
-That's all I said.

493
00:23:11.015 --> 00:23:14.935
NOAH: <i>Translation.</i>
<i>He wants to dick my friend down.</i>

494
00:23:15.019 --> 00:23:17.438
-WILL: What about his friends?
-CHARLIE: They're nice.

495
00:23:17.521 --> 00:23:19.857
WILL: They're clearly using us
for free liquor.

496
00:23:19.940 --> 00:23:21.901
Have you seen the way they're drinking?

497
00:23:21.984 --> 00:23:25.738
CHARLIE: (CHUCKLES) Okay, yeah.
They're a little quirky, but, um...

498
00:23:26.530 --> 00:23:28.574
-What about Noah?
-WILL: He's fine.

499
00:23:29.033 --> 00:23:31.827
He's not hot enough
to be that annoying, though.

500
00:23:31.911 --> 00:23:34.955
CHARLIE: I'm so glad I invited you.
You're always so positive.

501
00:23:35.039 --> 00:23:36.332
WILL: Why am I here, Charlie?

502
00:23:36.415 --> 00:23:39.168
CHARLIE: Because Cooper's just
a family friend,

503
00:23:39.251 --> 00:23:41.378
and I wanted a real friend with me.

504
00:23:41.670 --> 00:23:42.671
Is that so bad?

505
00:23:42.755 --> 00:23:44.590
WILL:
I want you to be careful, that's all.

506
00:23:44.673 --> 00:23:47.801
You're a good person, and people
take advantage of that all the time.

507
00:23:47.885 --> 00:23:49.845
Especially the kind of people
that come here.

508
00:23:49.929 --> 00:23:51.180
CHARLIE: What does that mean?

509
00:23:51.263 --> 00:23:55.726
WILL: This place is a playground
for superficial, vapid morons.

510
00:23:56.727 --> 00:23:59.939
Will, promise me
you'll try to have a good time.

511
00:24:02.274 --> 00:24:03.400
Okay.

512
00:24:12.034 --> 00:24:15.329
-Everything has buckles on it now.
-Shade is good on him. It's his color.

513
00:24:15.412 --> 00:24:17.498
-We were just talking about you.
-Oh, I know.

514
00:24:18.040 --> 00:24:21.460
Yeah, they were wondering
where you got your Speedo from.

515
00:24:21.543 --> 00:24:24.046
It's so cute. Did you get it on Amazon?

516
00:24:24.129 --> 00:24:27.967
No, it's an heirloom.
It's been in my family for generations.

517
00:24:28.050 --> 00:24:30.344
-What?
-Mine's this little boutique brand.

518
00:24:30.427 --> 00:24:33.263
-You probably haven't heard of them.
-Is it Charlie?

519
00:24:33.347 --> 00:24:36.850
Because it says "Charlie"
in big, bold letters on your ass.

520
00:24:36.976 --> 00:24:39.436
-(CHUCKLES)
-I'm sorry, am I being annoying?

521
00:24:40.062 --> 00:24:42.940
-Yeah.
-(CHUCKLES) We have a problem.

522
00:24:43.023 --> 00:24:45.901
(LUKE AND KEEGAN SQUEALING)

523
00:24:47.569 --> 00:24:49.697
Are they bringing cheese
into the hot tub?

524
00:24:49.780 --> 00:24:51.699
So sorry.
We'll take them home right now.

525
00:24:51.782 --> 00:24:53.450
No, you stay. We got this, right?

526
00:24:53.534 --> 00:24:57.037
Absolutely. Thank you.
We had such a great time.

527
00:24:57.121 --> 00:24:59.373
Wonderful party. (CHUCKLES)

528
00:24:59.665 --> 00:25:02.334
(GASPS) Put that brie down!
No, not in the water!

529
00:25:02.418 --> 00:25:04.878
Hey, what is going on with you tonight?

530
00:25:05.796 --> 00:25:08.173
Listen. Do you like that guy?
Is he nice to you?

531
00:25:08.257 --> 00:25:11.176
Has he expressed
any interest in kinky sex?

532
00:25:11.260 --> 00:25:13.178
Yes. Yes. No.

533
00:25:13.262 --> 00:25:15.597
Then it doesn't matter
what's going on with me.

534
00:25:15.681 --> 00:25:16.682
You got this.

535
00:25:18.350 --> 00:25:20.394
But whatever you do,
do not let these people think

536
00:25:20.477 --> 00:25:23.063
they are better than us,
because at the end...

537
00:25:23.147 --> 00:25:24.273
-(RETCHES)
-(ALL GASP)

538
00:25:24.356 --> 00:25:25.649
KEEGAN: That is nasty.

539
00:25:26.483 --> 00:25:27.818
Damn, bitch.

540
00:25:27.901 --> 00:25:29.611
(RETCHING)

541
00:25:30.738 --> 00:25:34.033
ERIN: One of them stole this speaker.
I don't know where it goes.

542
00:25:34.700 --> 00:25:36.035
(SOFTLY) Disgusting.

543
00:25:36.118 --> 00:25:37.327
Never mind.

544
00:25:37.411 --> 00:25:39.329
KEEGAN: Girl, get that shit out.

545
00:25:39.413 --> 00:25:40.622
He's on PrEP.

546
00:25:40.706 --> 00:25:42.583
-You okay?
-LUKE: Oh, my God, no.

547
00:25:42.666 --> 00:25:44.626
-NOAH: Party's over, babe.
-KEEGAN: Come on.

548
00:25:44.710 --> 00:25:46.336
-LUKE: I threw up.
-NOAH: I told you.

549
00:25:46.420 --> 00:25:49.339
LUKE: I puked. Yes. Thank you.

550
00:25:49.423 --> 00:25:51.675
KEEGAN: Just think about
how skinny you will be, girl.

551
00:25:51.759 --> 00:25:54.136
You guys ever see <i>Gays in Space?</i>

552
00:25:54.219 --> 00:25:56.388
LUKE: They hate me now!

553
00:25:58.140 --> 00:25:59.349
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

554
00:26:05.355 --> 00:26:06.648
NOAH: <i>That's my girl.</i>

555
00:26:11.487 --> 00:26:13.447
Hey, did Howie make it home last night?

556
00:26:13.530 --> 00:26:15.240
No, if you can believe it.

557
00:26:15.324 --> 00:26:16.408
That little whore.

558
00:26:16.492 --> 00:26:20.370
Our little Howie with a doctor. It'll be
like having health insurance again.

559
00:26:20.454 --> 00:26:22.706
Okay, chill out.
It's just a one-night thing.

560
00:26:22.790 --> 00:26:25.334
Yeah, like, we don't even know
if anything happened.

561
00:26:25.417 --> 00:26:27.711
-Maybe they killed him.
-NOAH: Okay. Don't be bitter.

562
00:26:27.795 --> 00:26:31.673
-Did anybody bother to text him?
-MAX: I did. But it went to green.

563
00:26:31.757 --> 00:26:33.050
Maybe Keegan's right.

564
00:26:33.133 --> 00:26:36.011
Although, you are more likely
to get murdered in your own home.

565
00:26:36.095 --> 00:26:38.263
-LUKE: It's why I never host.
-Fuck. Uh...

566
00:26:38.972 --> 00:26:40.808
You know what? I bet his phone died.

567
00:26:40.891 --> 00:26:41.892
I'll go get him.

568
00:26:52.069 --> 00:26:54.321
Excuse me. Um, can we help you?

569
00:26:54.404 --> 00:26:56.198
Seriously, this again?

570
00:26:56.281 --> 00:26:57.783
Oh, my God. Howie?

571
00:26:58.325 --> 00:27:00.119
Oh, my God. Hi.

572
00:27:00.828 --> 00:27:03.455
See, Braden, I'm a friend.
Is Howie still here?

573
00:27:04.039 --> 00:27:06.166
He is, poor thing.

574
00:27:06.250 --> 00:27:08.627
I think he drank
a little too much last night.

575
00:27:08.710 --> 00:27:11.296
Top-shelf stuff
hits a little different than well.

576
00:27:11.380 --> 00:27:12.756
Can I go check on him?

577
00:27:16.802 --> 00:27:18.804
Last night, literally last night.

578
00:27:22.349 --> 00:27:23.684
(DOOR OPENS)

579
00:27:25.769 --> 00:27:26.770
Hey.

580
00:27:27.896 --> 00:27:28.981
You're back.

581
00:27:30.232 --> 00:27:33.068
Yep. Just came to check on my friend.

582
00:27:33.235 --> 00:27:35.988
-Uh, your friend's upstairs, I think.
-Great.

583
00:27:36.321 --> 00:27:37.322
Uh, wait.

584
00:27:42.870 --> 00:27:45.122
Here. He might need this.

585
00:27:45.205 --> 00:27:46.206
Thanks.

586
00:27:46.832 --> 00:27:50.377
I also just wanted to say sorry
about last night.

587
00:27:51.211 --> 00:27:52.838
Braden wasn't super welcoming. So...

588
00:27:52.921 --> 00:27:57.134
-Braden? You're apologizing for Braden?
-I don't understand.

589
00:27:57.217 --> 00:27:59.303
Little tip. The tap water here,
safe to drink.

590
00:27:59.386 --> 00:28:02.472
You don't have to pollute the oceans
or waste your money with bottles.

591
00:28:03.432 --> 00:28:04.433
-(BIN OPENS)
-(SCOFFS)

592
00:28:08.729 --> 00:28:09.730
You're right.

593
00:28:10.606 --> 00:28:11.607
(BOTTLE THUDS)

594
00:28:13.692 --> 00:28:14.693
Noted.

595
00:28:15.152 --> 00:28:16.153
(SCOFFS)

596
00:28:16.320 --> 00:28:17.321
Nice.

597
00:28:26.580 --> 00:28:28.165
Look at you, superstar.

598
00:28:28.332 --> 00:28:29.333
(HOWIE GROANS)

599
00:28:29.708 --> 00:28:32.544
I want to die.

600
00:28:32.628 --> 00:28:35.714
What happened? I haven't seen you
like this since your Four Loko days.

601
00:28:35.797 --> 00:28:39.676
I think it's the expensive booze.
Guess my body is used to well.

602
00:28:39.760 --> 00:28:42.221
Where are people getting this?
That's not science.

603
00:28:42.304 --> 00:28:44.806
(GROANS) I'm humiliated.

604
00:28:44.890 --> 00:28:46.350
Oh, no.

605
00:28:46.433 --> 00:28:49.728
I take it you didn't make it happen
with the doctor last night?

606
00:28:49.811 --> 00:28:53.148
No. I spent most of the night in here.

607
00:28:53.815 --> 00:28:56.652
But he did stay up with me, though.

608
00:28:56.735 --> 00:28:58.820
Well, that's good.
It means he's into you.

609
00:28:58.904 --> 00:29:01.823
But it is day two. I think we should
start looking into other options.

610
00:29:01.907 --> 00:29:05.535
Yeah. Totally. I'm sure
there's tons of cute guys on this island

611
00:29:05.619 --> 00:29:08.830
who would miss a party to watch me puke.

612
00:29:08.914 --> 00:29:12.251
Well, he is a doctor,
so he sort of has to.

613
00:29:13.835 --> 00:29:14.878
Right.

614
00:29:16.296 --> 00:29:17.839
He did this thing, though,

615
00:29:19.591 --> 00:29:22.469
where he was rubbing my back
while I was sick,

616
00:29:22.552 --> 00:29:25.138
and I don't know how to explain it,

617
00:29:26.765 --> 00:29:29.101
but it felt really intimate.

618
00:29:30.394 --> 00:29:32.020
I don't know. I'm being stupid.

619
00:29:32.104 --> 00:29:34.273
No, you're not being stupid.
It's just...

620
00:29:34.356 --> 00:29:36.817
Don't get sucked into one guy's orbit.

621
00:29:36.900 --> 00:29:37.901
Right.

622
00:29:38.902 --> 00:29:40.028
CHARLIE: Knock, knock.

623
00:29:40.112 --> 00:29:42.823
Hi. Sorry.
Will told me you were up here.

624
00:29:42.906 --> 00:29:44.783
I just came to check on our patient.

625
00:29:44.866 --> 00:29:47.786
Well, he's pregnant
and he's not raising this baby alone.

626
00:29:47.869 --> 00:29:49.079
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

627
00:29:49.246 --> 00:29:50.580
HOWIE: I'm fine.

628
00:29:51.081 --> 00:29:53.583
Thank you again for everything.

629
00:29:53.667 --> 00:29:57.504
Of course. Don't mention it.
Honestly, my back feels incredible.

630
00:29:57.587 --> 00:30:01.091
I might just start sleeping
on the bathroom floor every night.

631
00:30:01.216 --> 00:30:03.510
(BOTH LAUGHING)

632
00:30:05.345 --> 00:30:07.097
NOAH: <i>This is bleak.</i>

633
00:30:07.180 --> 00:30:09.808
Charlie, do you wanna come
and eat dinner at our house tonight?

634
00:30:09.891 --> 00:30:11.310
As, like, a thank you.

635
00:30:12.394 --> 00:30:13.729
You don't have to do that.

636
00:30:13.812 --> 00:30:18.191
NOAH: Oh, please. You took such
good care of Howie, let us repay you.

637
00:30:18.275 --> 00:30:20.694
Uh, can I invite the rest of my house?

638
00:30:21.361 --> 00:30:22.821
That could be fun, right?

639
00:30:24.948 --> 00:30:26.033
NOAH: Sure.

640
00:30:26.992 --> 00:30:28.368
The more the merrier.

641
00:30:29.661 --> 00:30:31.830
ERIN: Why did you spring
a dinner on me like this?

642
00:30:31.913 --> 00:30:33.373
You love throwing dinner parties.

643
00:30:33.457 --> 00:30:35.751
It makes it really stressful
to be friends with you.

644
00:30:35.834 --> 00:30:38.420
For you, I could put out
a platter of uncooked hotdogs

645
00:30:38.503 --> 00:30:40.130
and you kids would eat it right up.

646
00:30:40.213 --> 00:30:42.049
-We wouldn't.
-We can cancel if you want.

647
00:30:42.132 --> 00:30:43.592
I would rather die.

648
00:30:43.675 --> 00:30:45.635
Go to the Pantry. I'll text you a list.

649
00:30:45.719 --> 00:30:50.015
Find anything dented, label-less
or on the brink of expiration.

650
00:30:50.098 --> 00:30:51.933
-Fly, you fools!
-All right.

651
00:30:52.559 --> 00:30:54.603
-All right. Enough. Let's go.
-Let's go.

652
00:30:54.686 --> 00:30:56.355
-Not enough.
-Bitch, where we going?

653
00:30:58.023 --> 00:31:00.984
MAN: And for you to charge $11
for one box of Cheez-Its,

654
00:31:01.068 --> 00:31:04.738
which you fully well know
a box of Cheez-Its is on average $7.59

655
00:31:04.821 --> 00:31:06.531
in any store in New York,

656
00:31:06.615 --> 00:31:10.786
and I don't throw this term around
lightly, sweetheart, is homophobic.

657
00:31:10.869 --> 00:31:12.704
CLERK: Sir, I don't set the prices.

658
00:31:12.788 --> 00:31:14.164
-I don't care.
-CLERK: Sir...

659
00:31:14.247 --> 00:31:15.248
MAN: I'm not done.

660
00:31:15.332 --> 00:31:17.667
I mean, he's not wrong.
The prices here are psychotic.

661
00:31:17.751 --> 00:31:19.836
You can thank capitalism for that,
by the way.

662
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:22.672
Calm down, Bernie Sanders.
I personally love the Pantry.

663
00:31:22.756 --> 00:31:24.883
Small businesses are the lifeblood
of this country.

664
00:31:24.966 --> 00:31:27.094
And also, who says we have to pay?

665
00:31:27.177 --> 00:31:30.013
Yeah, when we lived
above that Whole Foods in college,

666
00:31:30.097 --> 00:31:32.140
we got so good at stealing.

667
00:31:33.141 --> 00:31:36.812
You would not believe how many Kind bars
I can fit in Keegan's ass.

668
00:31:36.895 --> 00:31:38.230
My girl is like a Costco.

669
00:31:38.313 --> 00:31:40.982
Wait, like, in hole
or, like, just between the cheeks?

670
00:31:41.233 --> 00:31:42.317
I don't know.

671
00:31:47.906 --> 00:31:51.576
Um, okay, crazy hot guy
checking you out by the produce.

672
00:31:51.660 --> 00:31:53.495
I saw. But we're not doing me right now,

673
00:31:53.578 --> 00:31:55.539
we're doing you
and that pink hole of yours.

674
00:31:55.622 --> 00:31:58.625
Ew. Stop. Gross. Forget I said anything.
Here, go do something useful

675
00:31:58.708 --> 00:32:01.336
and dent these cans
so we can get a discount.

676
00:32:02.045 --> 00:32:04.714
(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE)

677
00:32:11.304 --> 00:32:13.390
-Hey.
-It was like this when I found it.

678
00:32:14.683 --> 00:32:15.684
Oh.

679
00:32:15.767 --> 00:32:17.727
Shit. This is humiliating.

680
00:32:19.646 --> 00:32:20.647
It's cool.

681
00:32:22.315 --> 00:32:23.316
Oh.

682
00:32:25.360 --> 00:32:26.361
I'm poor, too.

683
00:32:26.987 --> 00:32:28.530
NOAH: <i>I meant what I said to Howie.</i>

684
00:32:28.613 --> 00:32:30.282
<i>I'm committed to my duties as wingman,</i>

685
00:32:30.365 --> 00:32:32.826
<i>which makes meeting someone</i>
<i>who looks like this...</i>

686
00:32:32.909 --> 00:32:35.370
-You've read <i>The Ethical Slut.</i>
-Yeah, it's formative.

687
00:32:35.454 --> 00:32:36.788
<i>...extremely inconvenient.</i>

688
00:32:36.872 --> 00:32:39.291
It's part of the reason
why I'm so annoying.

689
00:32:39.374 --> 00:32:41.918
That and my parents.
They're so messed up.

690
00:32:42.002 --> 00:32:44.546
It's like, what has heteronormativity
ever done for them?

691
00:32:44.629 --> 00:32:46.631
What are you guys
even talking about over here?

692
00:32:46.715 --> 00:32:48.717
KEEGAN: Noah always does this, so...

693
00:32:48.800 --> 00:32:49.801
He meets someone fun

694
00:32:49.885 --> 00:32:52.137
and then she scares 'em away
with all her talking.

695
00:32:52.220 --> 00:32:54.473
-CHARLIE: Did you have Pedialyte?
-HOWIE: I had...

696
00:32:54.556 --> 00:32:56.141
Who is Howie talking to?

697
00:32:56.600 --> 00:32:58.310
Oh. Them again.

698
00:32:58.435 --> 00:33:00.937
-Oh, shit.
-CHARLIE: I'm telling you,

699
00:33:01.021 --> 00:33:02.564
-Pedialyte works.
-Come on.

700
00:33:02.647 --> 00:33:04.858
I know.
It's like Gatorade without the nasty...

701
00:33:04.941 --> 00:33:07.235
-Hello.
-Oh, my goodness.

702
00:33:07.319 --> 00:33:09.988
I hope that you did not
get all this for us.

703
00:33:11.823 --> 00:33:13.033
Hi, Dex!

704
00:33:13.116 --> 00:33:15.410
Wait, how do you guys know Dex?

705
00:33:15.660 --> 00:33:19.456
-Uh, we just met. Is he with you guys?
-No.

706
00:33:19.623 --> 00:33:21.958
CHARLIE: We just know
a lot of the same people, I guess.

707
00:33:22.042 --> 00:33:24.044
Yeah, I knew Will back in California.

708
00:33:24.127 --> 00:33:27.923
You didn't strike me as a teeny-tiny-
little-ice-cream-cone sorta guy. Cute.

709
00:33:29.007 --> 00:33:30.008
It's melting.

710
00:33:31.468 --> 00:33:32.469
Huh.

711
00:33:34.471 --> 00:33:38.266
Um, okay. Well, we should get all this
home. We will see you guys at dinner.

712
00:33:38.350 --> 00:33:41.478
-Actually, Dex, why don't you come?
-Yes, you have to.

713
00:33:41.561 --> 00:33:43.563
-Oh, my God, please come.
-Yeah, come.

714
00:33:43.688 --> 00:33:46.274
Yeah, it'll give you
a chance to catch up with Will.

715
00:33:46.358 --> 00:33:48.109
CHARLIE: That would be fun, right?

716
00:33:51.696 --> 00:33:53.990
Yeah. Awesome.

717
00:33:54.074 --> 00:33:56.952
Okay, so we really have to go.
Raw chicken, direct sunlight...

718
00:33:57.035 --> 00:33:58.036
CHARLIE: Of course.

719
00:33:58.119 --> 00:33:59.538
-Bye.
-We'll see you later.

720
00:33:59.621 --> 00:34:00.705
-Later.
-See you later.

721
00:34:00.789 --> 00:34:02.249
-Bye, Howie.
-HOWIE: Bye, Charlie.

722
00:34:02.332 --> 00:34:04.417
NOAH: I didn't prepare
for an extra person, but...

723
00:34:04.501 --> 00:34:06.545
What are you up to, you little troll?

724
00:34:06.628 --> 00:34:08.755
I thought I'd make dinner
a little more interesting.

725
00:34:08.838 --> 00:34:10.298
HOWIE: Oh, my God.

726
00:34:18.765 --> 00:34:21.601
NOAH: <i>Something important to understand</i>
<i>about Fire Island</i>

727
00:34:21.851 --> 00:34:24.646
<i>is that time sort of</i>
<i>works differently here.</i>

728
00:34:26.147 --> 00:34:29.901
<i>For whatever reason,</i>
<i>call it magic or too many drugs,</i>

729
00:34:30.068 --> 00:34:31.236
<i>a full day in the Pines</i>

730
00:34:31.319 --> 00:34:34.906
<i>can equal anywhere between a week</i>
<i>to three months out in the real world.</i>

731
00:34:35.407 --> 00:34:36.408
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

732
00:34:36.491 --> 00:34:38.368
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

733
00:34:38.910 --> 00:34:41.162
<i>You can catch feelings</i>
<i>after just one day.</i>

734
00:34:41.246 --> 00:34:45.083
People don't like it when you put
make-up on it. I'm sorry, it's true.

735
00:34:46.501 --> 00:34:48.545
NOAH: <i>All kinds of feelings.</i>

736
00:34:52.173 --> 00:34:55.010
I really thought every house
on the island had a hot tub.

737
00:34:55.093 --> 00:34:57.053
Yeah, I know, it's crazy, right?

738
00:34:57.137 --> 00:35:00.098
We have a GoFundMe set up,
so fingers crossed, though.

739
00:35:00.181 --> 00:35:02.642
Hi, by the way.
Where is the rest of your house?

740
00:35:02.726 --> 00:35:07.063
Um, yeah. Braden and the boys,
they're feeling a little tired.

741
00:35:07.647 --> 00:35:09.524
Well, thank God you had the energy.

742
00:35:10.483 --> 00:35:13.194
Oh, God. Five minutes
and you've already found a book?

743
00:35:13.278 --> 00:35:14.529
NOAH: Yeah, that's mine.

744
00:35:15.196 --> 00:35:16.573
You're reading Alice Munro?

745
00:35:16.656 --> 00:35:19.534
Yeah, I blazed through
<i>Animorphs</i> already, so...

746
00:35:19.618 --> 00:35:23.455
No, I... Sorry. I just didn't think
anybody would be reading here.

747
00:35:23.538 --> 00:35:25.707
CHARLIE: You're so good.
I always mean to.

748
00:35:25.790 --> 00:35:29.044
Yeah, well, I just do like audio books
and stuff, or a podcast.

749
00:35:29.377 --> 00:35:32.297
What kind of a gay person
goes on vacation to do homework?

750
00:35:32.380 --> 00:35:33.381
A literate one.

751
00:35:33.465 --> 00:35:34.466
(LAUGHS)

752
00:35:35.133 --> 00:35:39.846
You're so funny. You're all so funny.
Very biting, like, um...

753
00:35:40.096 --> 00:35:41.723
Do you know who Amy Schumer is?

754
00:35:41.806 --> 00:35:46.728
Hey, I wanna show you something that
I'm gonna think of when I get inside.

755
00:35:46.811 --> 00:35:48.647
-Why don't we go do that?
-(CLEARS THROAT)

756
00:35:49.147 --> 00:35:52.025
I'm gonna FaceTime my mom
before I get too fucked up tonight.

757
00:35:52.108 --> 00:35:55.403
I forgot her birthday, again.
What's your Wi-Fi password?

758
00:35:55.487 --> 00:35:58.114
Cherry Jones,
but all the E's are threes.

759
00:36:03.370 --> 00:36:05.080
(EXHALES)

760
00:36:09.876 --> 00:36:12.587
So, you a big reader?

761
00:36:16.007 --> 00:36:17.092
I am.

762
00:36:19.719 --> 00:36:21.638
(MIMICS WILL) "And you,
do you like to read?"

763
00:36:21.721 --> 00:36:24.391
-(IN NORMAL VOICE) "I do. Thank you..."
-Excuse me?

764
00:36:24.766 --> 00:36:27.727
That's how conversations work.
Generally, in my experience...

765
00:36:27.811 --> 00:36:30.397
Why would I ask a question
I already know the answer to?

766
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:32.607
Doesn't have to be
that question, specifically.

767
00:36:32.691 --> 00:36:35.694
-Do you really not know how this works?
-What's your favorite story?

768
00:36:37.821 --> 00:36:38.822
Uh...

769
00:36:39.906 --> 00:36:41.908
I don't know. <i>Powers.</i>

770
00:36:45.620 --> 00:36:49.124
It's, um, you know,
it's quintessential Alice.

771
00:36:49.207 --> 00:36:53.712
It's got all the narrative restraint
and beautiful prose

772
00:36:53.795 --> 00:36:57.590
and then, at the same time,
it's this weird departure for her.

773
00:36:57.674 --> 00:36:58.675
Really? How?

774
00:36:59.551 --> 00:37:04.514
Well, normally,
what she writes about is so domestic,

775
00:37:04.597 --> 00:37:06.766
you know,
and then, in this one, she's like,

776
00:37:06.850 --> 00:37:10.061
"Here's this girl with superpowers
and it's crazy like..."

777
00:37:10.145 --> 00:37:12.188
I don't know if that's definitive.

778
00:37:12.272 --> 00:37:15.483
Yeah, it is.
The story is literally called <i>"Powers."</i>

779
00:37:15.567 --> 00:37:16.776
That girl has superpowers.

780
00:37:16.860 --> 00:37:19.904
In terms of the story
that she's actually telling,

781
00:37:19.988 --> 00:37:22.323
I don't think it ultimately matters
if she has powers...

782
00:37:22.407 --> 00:37:24.534
If it ultimately doesn't matter,
why are we arguing?

783
00:37:24.617 --> 00:37:27.162
-I didn't think we were arguing.
-So, let me win.

784
00:37:28.705 --> 00:37:29.748
Okay.

785
00:37:32.167 --> 00:37:33.126
You win.

786
00:37:34.502 --> 00:37:36.796
NOAH: <i>Somehow I'm mad and horny.</i>

787
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:40.091
HOWIE: I can't believe you talked me
into showing you.

788
00:37:40.175 --> 00:37:42.802
-CHARLIE: I didn't talk you into it...
-Oh, damn.

789
00:37:42.886 --> 00:37:45.138
Howie doesn't normally
show people that sketchbook.

790
00:37:45.221 --> 00:37:47.766
-He must really like your friend.
-WILL: I see.

791
00:37:49.851 --> 00:37:50.977
Is there a problem?

792
00:37:52.395 --> 00:37:55.732
WILL: I don't know your friend, okay?
But I do know Charlie,

793
00:37:55.815 --> 00:37:58.818
and people tend to mistake
his kindness for affection.

794
00:37:58.902 --> 00:38:00.153
Well, I know Howie

795
00:38:00.236 --> 00:38:03.406
and I think he just wants to show
your friend some doodles, so, chill.

796
00:38:03.490 --> 00:38:05.116
LUKE: Excuse me, gay community.

797
00:38:05.200 --> 00:38:06.451
(LAUGHING)

798
00:38:06.534 --> 00:38:08.495
Look who we found. The king.

799
00:38:08.578 --> 00:38:11.831
He literally said the funniest thing
ever. Tell 'em, it's so funny.

800
00:38:11.915 --> 00:38:13.917
-I'm not gonna say it.
-Tell 'em now.

801
00:38:14.417 --> 00:38:15.418
Mm.

802
00:38:16.127 --> 00:38:18.588
-Is this where the orgy is?
-(BOTH LAUGHING)

803
00:38:19.005 --> 00:38:21.925
LUKE: "Is this where the orgy is?"
Who says "orgy"?

804
00:38:22.008 --> 00:38:23.551
KEEGAN: You're so crazy!

805
00:38:23.635 --> 00:38:27.514
We're gonna head inside
and play a little fun pre-dinner game.

806
00:38:27.597 --> 00:38:31.643
Uh, we don't... We don't play games.
We're... We're adults.

807
00:38:31.726 --> 00:38:34.020
Oh, my bad. Howie, turn on <i>60 Minutes.</i>

808
00:38:34.604 --> 00:38:38.149
Sorry, just ignore him.
Tonight we are going to be game people.

809
00:38:39.526 --> 00:38:41.152
What kind of game is it?

810
00:38:41.236 --> 00:38:43.738
Oh, it's real low-stakes, real chill.

811
00:38:45.615 --> 00:38:47.575
-No! What the fuck!
-Are you kidding me?

812
00:38:47.659 --> 00:38:49.536
-What is wrong with you?
-Act the scene.

813
00:38:49.619 --> 00:38:52.163
-Don't you even think about...
-Do not pass on this icon.

814
00:38:52.247 --> 00:38:54.290
(MIMICS MARISA TOMEI)
"No. The defense is wrong!"

815
00:38:54.374 --> 00:38:56.793
(MIMICS MARISA TOMEI)
"No. The defense is wrong!"

816
00:38:56.876 --> 00:38:59.838
-"No. The defense is wrong!"
-"No! The defense is wrong!"

817
00:38:59.921 --> 00:39:03.842
-And Joe Pesci like, "How do you know?"
-KEEGAN: And she goes, "I'm positive."

818
00:39:03.925 --> 00:39:05.927
-LUKE: "I'm positive."
-Penelope Cruz?

819
00:39:06.511 --> 00:39:09.180
"My biological clock
is ticking like this

820
00:39:09.264 --> 00:39:12.141
"and the way this case is going,
I ain't never getting married."

821
00:39:12.225 --> 00:39:14.102
-The deer with the little... Bam!
-Come on!

822
00:39:14.185 --> 00:39:16.312
-A bullet hits you in the head.
-Rosie Perez?

823
00:39:16.396 --> 00:39:19.023
-Oh, my God.
-Almost respect you for saying her name.

824
00:39:19.107 --> 00:39:21.109
-Bitch, who is this?
<i>-In the Bedroom</i> nominee.

825
00:39:21.192 --> 00:39:23.653
-WILL: Laura Dern?
-LUKE: Yeah, we get it, you're gay.

826
00:39:23.736 --> 00:39:25.029
(BUZZER SOUNDS)

827
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:27.866
KEEGAN: Seriously?
You couldn't get Marisa Tomei,

828
00:39:27.949 --> 00:39:30.743
-but you got Alicia Vikander?
-WILL: Told you I didn't wanna play.

829
00:39:30.827 --> 00:39:32.537
LUKE: That's the problem with Hollywood.

830
00:39:32.620 --> 00:39:35.582
It's people like you
who forget about Marisa Tomei,

831
00:39:35.665 --> 00:39:38.376
but they remember Alicia Vikander. Flop.

832
00:39:38.459 --> 00:39:40.044
She was really great in <i>Ex Machina.</i>

833
00:39:40.128 --> 00:39:41.588
You need to stay out of this, you.

834
00:39:41.671 --> 00:39:43.339
Hey, do you wanna go get a drink?

835
00:39:43.423 --> 00:39:46.050
Seems like this could go on for a while.

836
00:39:46.134 --> 00:39:48.052
LUKE: Why do I care about <i>Ex Machina?</i>

837
00:39:48.136 --> 00:39:50.555
-KEEGAN: Robot blobot. It don't matter.
-LUKE: Can we stop?

838
00:39:50.638 --> 00:39:54.225
God! I knew it would be bad,
but I didn't think it'd be that bad.

839
00:39:54.309 --> 00:39:56.853
Jesus, that guy is not good at games.

840
00:39:57.729 --> 00:39:58.813
Yeah. (SCOFFS)

841
00:39:59.564 --> 00:40:03.902
What is that? What's going on there?
Did you guys used to fuck or something?

842
00:40:03.985 --> 00:40:05.320
-Who? Me and Will?
-Yeah.

843
00:40:05.403 --> 00:40:06.946
Yeah, no, God. (LAUGHS)

844
00:40:07.530 --> 00:40:10.491
No, guys like Will
do not fuck guys like me.

845
00:40:10.575 --> 00:40:13.119
Oh, right, I forgot. You're hideous.

846
00:40:13.286 --> 00:40:15.246
I mean, everyone in his circle

847
00:40:15.330 --> 00:40:18.708
is hot, or rich, or both.

848
00:40:18.791 --> 00:40:24.297
But, um, his real issue was, um...

849
00:40:24.797 --> 00:40:27.008
Okay, I'm just gonna be
up front with you.

850
00:40:27.091 --> 00:40:30.428
I sort of have an OnlyFans.
It's just pictures of me.

851
00:40:30.511 --> 00:40:32.430
I'm not trying
to be a porn star or anything.

852
00:40:32.513 --> 00:40:33.973
You don't have to do that.

853
00:40:34.057 --> 00:40:36.267
You know, "sex work is work,"
and all that.

854
00:40:36.351 --> 00:40:41.147
Well, for guys like Will,
social gatekeepers, you know...

855
00:40:42.815 --> 00:40:44.817
(SIGHS) It's a pretty big deal breaker.

856
00:40:45.443 --> 00:40:48.112
(CLICKS TONGUE) Gay guys
like that are ruining this island.

857
00:40:48.529 --> 00:40:51.783
Yeah, but then again,

858
00:40:51.908 --> 00:40:53.534
there are gay guys...

859
00:40:54.661 --> 00:40:55.703
like you.

860
00:40:55.787 --> 00:40:58.289
Yeah, I'm just another horny idiot.

861
00:40:58.456 --> 00:40:59.457
Mm-hmm.

862
00:40:59.749 --> 00:41:01.167
-I can work with that.
-Yeah?

863
00:41:01.250 --> 00:41:02.251
Yeah.

864
00:41:07.382 --> 00:41:08.967
ERIN: Dinner is served.

865
00:41:09.300 --> 00:41:10.301
(POPS TONGUE)

866
00:41:11.511 --> 00:41:12.929
(DEX CLEARS THROAT)

867
00:41:13.054 --> 00:41:17.850
So there I was, on my hands and knees
in the middle of the Meat Rack

868
00:41:17.934 --> 00:41:22.522
trying to use the light on my flip phone

869
00:41:22.605 --> 00:41:26.526
-to scan this chick's pussy for crabs.
-(ALL EXCLAIMING)

870
00:41:26.609 --> 00:41:28.653
Erin, we're literally eating right now.

871
00:41:29.529 --> 00:41:32.240
Wait, did she... Did she, you know...

872
00:41:32.699 --> 00:41:34.492
She did, but it was so worth it.

873
00:41:34.575 --> 00:41:36.744
Oh, you still went through with it?

874
00:41:36.828 --> 00:41:39.205
She was one of the great loves
of my life.

875
00:41:39.288 --> 00:41:42.458
We dated for two years.
We told everybody we met at Red Lobster.

876
00:41:42.542 --> 00:41:44.293
(ALL LAUGHING)

877
00:41:51.759 --> 00:41:53.469
Thank you so much for this dinner.

878
00:41:53.553 --> 00:41:56.222
We don't usually eat this well
when we're here.

879
00:41:56.305 --> 00:41:57.974
Stop, you big flirt.

880
00:41:58.057 --> 00:42:02.228
Oh, I'm serious. And it's not just
the dinner, it's all of you. You're...

881
00:42:03.187 --> 00:42:07.233
You're all so different
than anyone I've ever met before.

882
00:42:09.986 --> 00:42:11.654
I meant that in a good way.

883
00:42:11.738 --> 00:42:14.699
Like, um, Will, you... You guys get it?

884
00:42:15.324 --> 00:42:18.703
No, it's cool.
We do take this week pretty seriously.

885
00:42:19.245 --> 00:42:22.498
You know, that's why it's really
gonna suck next year when we, uh...

886
00:42:24.083 --> 00:42:25.043
You know...

887
00:42:27.795 --> 00:42:30.798
-It's...
-ERIN: Okay, enough of this talk.

888
00:42:30.882 --> 00:42:32.800
Mm. You gotta forgive Noah.

889
00:42:32.884 --> 00:42:35.970
He is the most sensitive
of all of my boys.

890
00:42:36.054 --> 00:42:38.347
I guess he cares about us
a little too much.

891
00:42:40.224 --> 00:42:41.893
Okay, who saved room for dessert?

892
00:42:41.976 --> 00:42:43.603
-KEEGAN: I did.
-LUKE: Yes, please.

893
00:42:43.686 --> 00:42:46.856
The different girls will get dessert.
Just the different girls.

894
00:42:46.939 --> 00:42:49.859
Oh, fuck this. It's fine. I'm fine.

895
00:42:49.942 --> 00:42:51.694
We still have a week.

896
00:42:51.778 --> 00:42:53.988
Does anyone want a refill? Charlie?

897
00:42:54.197 --> 00:42:55.323
(HOWIE BREATHING HEAVILY)

898
00:42:55.406 --> 00:42:56.407
Come on.

899
00:42:58.367 --> 00:43:00.620
-(NOAH LAUGHS)
-Shut up, that did not happen.

900
00:43:01.537 --> 00:43:04.415
Maybe I'm exaggerating,
but I swear to God, that was his vibe.

901
00:43:04.499 --> 00:43:07.668
Who cares? None of this matters
unless you fucked. Did you fuck?

902
00:43:09.212 --> 00:43:12.715
-We did not fuck.
-(ALL GROAN)

903
00:43:12.799 --> 00:43:16.928
Howard! I gave you uninterrupted access
to our room for 27 minutes.

904
00:43:17.011 --> 00:43:18.387
What the fuck were you doing?

905
00:43:18.471 --> 00:43:20.431
Ten bucks says they were doing a puzzle.

906
00:43:20.515 --> 00:43:22.016
Tell me you weren't doing a puzzle.

907
00:43:23.935 --> 00:43:24.936
(GASPS)

908
00:43:25.520 --> 00:43:27.355
-Yeah.
-(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

909
00:43:27.438 --> 00:43:30.066
Twenty-seven minutes is
not long enough to do a puzzle,

910
00:43:30.149 --> 00:43:33.277
-or have sex, for that matter.
-That's an episode of <i>Chopped.</i>

911
00:43:33.361 --> 00:43:35.905
Do you need longer
than an episode of <i>Chopped</i> to have sex?

912
00:43:35.988 --> 00:43:38.116
Seriously. Spill.
Did you make any progress?

913
00:43:41.786 --> 00:43:43.871
Coming out was a mess.

914
00:43:43.955 --> 00:43:46.958
My mom, she definitely
took it a little bit better.

915
00:43:47.792 --> 00:43:48.751
But my dad...

916
00:43:49.544 --> 00:43:52.338
Only son and all that typical dad shit.

917
00:43:53.422 --> 00:43:55.383
But that's why my friends...

918
00:43:55.550 --> 00:43:59.262
You know, you find the family
that can fill in the gaps.

919
00:44:00.179 --> 00:44:02.056
(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

920
00:44:03.349 --> 00:44:06.102
Shut up! Get to the good part.

921
00:44:06.853 --> 00:44:07.854
What?

922
00:44:07.937 --> 00:44:09.939
You're just really smart

923
00:44:11.357 --> 00:44:12.483
and funny,

924
00:44:14.235 --> 00:44:15.361
and, um...

925
00:44:16.571 --> 00:44:17.697
And...

926
00:44:20.491 --> 00:44:22.869
(ALL CHEERING AND EXCLAIMING)

927
00:44:22.952 --> 00:44:24.036
Was there tongue?

928
00:44:24.120 --> 00:44:25.121
Okay, awesome.

929
00:44:25.204 --> 00:44:28.416
So you've laid the groundwork perfectly
to seal the deal tonight.

930
00:44:28.499 --> 00:44:30.168
-But tonight's underwear party.
-Yeah.

931
00:44:30.251 --> 00:44:32.753
You take him into the dark room,
get fucked, we all move on.

932
00:44:32.837 --> 00:44:35.047
In the dark room? In front of everyone?

933
00:44:35.131 --> 00:44:36.507
Why do you care so much?

934
00:44:36.591 --> 00:44:39.844
Because I'm not getting laid until
you do, and my blue balls are terminal.

935
00:44:39.927 --> 00:44:42.847
Get laid, please.
God. It's like your thing.

936
00:44:42.930 --> 00:44:44.140
Plus, Dex seems like a lock.

937
00:44:44.223 --> 00:44:47.935
Okay, you know what, I'm sorry,
he flirts with all of us. So shut up.

938
00:44:49.520 --> 00:44:52.315
I don't know why you guys
don't think of me as more of a threat.

939
00:44:52.398 --> 00:44:54.734
'Cause Dex was
giving me eyes last night.

940
00:44:54.817 --> 00:44:55.985
Me, too.

941
00:44:56.068 --> 00:44:57.069
No, he wasn't.

942
00:44:57.695 --> 00:45:00.281
Now you two salivating
over a basic white guy again.

943
00:45:00.364 --> 00:45:01.949
NOAH: Okay, whatever. Dex is great.

944
00:45:02.033 --> 00:45:04.202
And fringe benefit,
he really pisses off Will.

945
00:45:04.285 --> 00:45:06.454
I think Will might be
a little bit jealous.

946
00:45:06.579 --> 00:45:07.622
NOAH: What?

947
00:45:08.497 --> 00:45:10.917
-A little bit jealous.
-Of who?

948
00:45:11.042 --> 00:45:12.126
(SCOFFS) Can you stop?

949
00:45:12.210 --> 00:45:13.502
What? I need the pump.

950
00:45:14.170 --> 00:45:17.006
Maybe Will is jealous of Dex? Or you?

951
00:45:17.089 --> 00:45:20.301
No. Dex gave me the download.
Will thinks we're trash.

952
00:45:20.384 --> 00:45:22.470
He might be a little bit
more complex than that.

953
00:45:22.553 --> 00:45:24.222
(SNICKERS) Who told you that? Charlie?

954
00:45:24.305 --> 00:45:27.892
No, but also Charlie wouldn't be friends
with a complete asshole.

955
00:45:27.975 --> 00:45:31.687
Whatever. That guy is just another
token Asian in a sea of white friends.

956
00:45:31.771 --> 00:45:33.314
Way harsh, Tai.

957
00:45:35.066 --> 00:45:37.485
I really think
you might be wrong about this.

958
00:45:37.568 --> 00:45:41.197
-LUKE: Keegan, did you paint on abs?
-KEEGAN: I just did a little highlight.

959
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:45.034
HOWIE: I've got three roaches, two bags
with maybe one bump between them,

960
00:45:45.117 --> 00:45:46.577
and an old bottle of poppers.

961
00:45:46.661 --> 00:45:48.412
I stole a couple of
my brother's Adderall

962
00:45:48.496 --> 00:45:51.499
and if you take it with half an edible,
it's basically Molly.

963
00:45:51.958 --> 00:45:54.627
I found this on the ground
at Battle Hymn a couple weeks ago.

964
00:45:54.710 --> 00:45:57.129
It could be Molly,
or it could be, like, a probiotic.

965
00:45:57.213 --> 00:45:59.548
Mm. Interesting.
I've got half a bottle of G

966
00:45:59.632 --> 00:46:01.968
and also a full bag of K
that I got in Mexico.

967
00:46:02.051 --> 00:46:05.388
-ALL: Oh!
-I'm not doing drugs tonight.

968
00:46:05.471 --> 00:46:06.681
-Okay.
-I'll take that.

969
00:46:06.764 --> 00:46:09.475
-Yeah, I'm gonna take...
-None of you are gonna pressure me?

970
00:46:09.558 --> 00:46:11.686
Well, you don't do drugs.
That's not news.

971
00:46:11.769 --> 00:46:12.979
Yeah, babe, we love you,

972
00:46:13.062 --> 00:46:16.065
you're family to us, but we no longer
believe we can make you fun.

973
00:46:16.148 --> 00:46:17.775
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

974
00:46:17.942 --> 00:46:19.694
Is it down in one? Or how do I...

975
00:46:19.777 --> 00:46:21.279
-ERIN: Save some drugs for me.
-No.

976
00:46:21.362 --> 00:46:22.780
-Oh, hey, girl.
-Hey.

977
00:46:22.863 --> 00:46:25.533
-Sure you don't wanna come with us?
-To Cherry Grove?

978
00:46:25.616 --> 00:46:28.828
-You know I'm not allowed.
-Seriously? That fire was ten years ago.

979
00:46:28.911 --> 00:46:33.291
Lesbians never forget.
Besides, I have so much to do here.

980
00:46:33.374 --> 00:46:36.085
You'll have a good time.
You don't need me.

981
00:46:36.961 --> 00:46:38.504
-I'll be fine.
-We love you.

982
00:46:38.587 --> 00:46:41.549
I love you, too. I'll miss you, too.

983
00:46:41.632 --> 00:46:45.052
I know, I know,
I love you, miss you. I love you.

984
00:46:45.136 --> 00:46:48.180
Don't forget to hydrate. So much to do.

985
00:46:50.308 --> 00:46:51.309
(DOOR CLOSES)

986
00:46:51.684 --> 00:46:52.685
(LUKE GROANS)

987
00:46:53.185 --> 00:46:55.938
Cherry Grove is so far.
We should've taken a water taxi.

988
00:46:56.022 --> 00:46:58.691
Because Charlie said his house
was taking a water taxi.

989
00:46:58.774 --> 00:47:01.027
Girl, the water taxi
is nine bucks per person.

990
00:47:01.110 --> 00:47:03.362
Know how many water bottles
we could get for that?

991
00:47:03.446 --> 00:47:04.613
-One?
-Exactly.

992
00:47:04.697 --> 00:47:06.115
We'll take one when we go back.

993
00:47:06.198 --> 00:47:07.908
It's better
when you're fucked up anyway.

994
00:47:07.992 --> 00:47:09.160
-Ah.
-Oh.

995
00:47:09.243 --> 00:47:12.079
NOAH: We're here.
Okay, look alive, everybody.

996
00:47:12.204 --> 00:47:14.623
This might be the last time
we get to do this together,

997
00:47:14.707 --> 00:47:16.542
so let's make it count.

998
00:47:16.625 --> 00:47:19.503
Should we pray?
I feel like we should pray.

999
00:47:19.628 --> 00:47:22.381
I'm gonna get so fucked up tonight
I forget my own name.

1000
00:47:22.465 --> 00:47:23.507
Amen.

1001
00:47:24.467 --> 00:47:26.427
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

1002
00:47:27.845 --> 00:47:29.889
NOAH: <i>No week on Fire Island</i>
<i>would be complete</i>

1003
00:47:29.972 --> 00:47:33.142
<i>if you didn't make an appearance</i>
<i>at the underwear party.</i>

1004
00:47:33.684 --> 00:47:36.729
<i>It's the one party</i>
<i>where everyone is invited.</i>

1005
00:47:37.521 --> 00:47:41.859
<i>The price of admission, just 20 bucks</i>
<i>and a little bit of dignity.</i>

1006
00:47:41.942 --> 00:47:43.235
Now, let's get in there.

1007
00:47:43.319 --> 00:47:45.654
-And get fucked up!
-Yay! (LAUGHS)

1008
00:47:45.738 --> 00:47:47.698
ALL: Three, two, one.

1009
00:47:52.661 --> 00:47:55.039
Are you sure you should be taking
Luke's floor pill?

1010
00:47:55.122 --> 00:47:56.374
We don't even know what it is.

1011
00:47:56.457 --> 00:47:58.542
Whatever. The world's gonna end
in 15 years anyways.

1012
00:47:58.626 --> 00:48:01.128
I might as well go out
in my underwear tonight. Right, guys?

1013
00:48:01.212 --> 00:48:02.922
-(LUKE WHOOPING)
-(KEEGAN LAUGHING)

1014
00:48:03.214 --> 00:48:04.924
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

1015
00:48:08.803 --> 00:48:09.887
Do you see Charlie?

1016
00:48:11.013 --> 00:48:12.306
No, but I have a lead.

1017
00:48:13.015 --> 00:48:15.017
-HOWIE: Let's go talk to him.
-Do we have to?

1018
00:48:15.101 --> 00:48:16.685
He's not even wearing his underwear.

1019
00:48:16.769 --> 00:48:18.771
If you're gonna be at the party,
be at the party.

1020
00:48:18.854 --> 00:48:20.064
Come on. Be nice.

1021
00:48:24.985 --> 00:48:27.238
Hey. Is Charlie with you?

1022
00:48:27.822 --> 00:48:30.199
-I think he's outside.
-We should go outside then...

1023
00:48:30.282 --> 00:48:33.953
No, I'll go.
You stay in case he comes back.

1024
00:48:34.078 --> 00:48:37.415
-That doesn't make any sense.
-Yes, it does.

1025
00:48:39.375 --> 00:48:41.335
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

1026
00:49:09.530 --> 00:49:12.533
NOAH: <i>So, this has to be</i>
<i>the drugs, right?</i>

1027
00:49:28.382 --> 00:49:31.260
Hi. Got a quick sec?

1028
00:49:31.343 --> 00:49:32.344
Yeah. Sure.

1029
00:49:39.477 --> 00:49:41.312
Sorry to pull you away, it's just...

1030
00:49:41.937 --> 00:49:45.941
I wanted to talk to you about something,
and it's a little awkward.

1031
00:49:46.817 --> 00:49:48.402
No worries. What's up?

1032
00:49:49.069 --> 00:49:51.614
I wanted to talk to you about Will.

1033
00:49:51.697 --> 00:49:53.574
Oh. Okay. Why?

1034
00:49:53.657 --> 00:49:57.328
He's such a great guy, right?
And, like, so rich.

1035
00:49:57.411 --> 00:50:01.457
He owns a huge house in the Hills.
I think he comes from money.

1036
00:50:01.540 --> 00:50:04.585
He's got, like, that rich,
prep-school kind of trauma,

1037
00:50:04.793 --> 00:50:06.504
that's why his voice is so deep.

1038
00:50:07.713 --> 00:50:10.591
Plus he's, like, kind of hot, right?

1039
00:50:11.425 --> 00:50:13.511
-Sure.
-So, you do think he's hot?

1040
00:50:14.178 --> 00:50:15.179
NOAH: <i>Damn it.</i>

1041
00:50:15.262 --> 00:50:16.514
COOPER: It's crazy, right?

1042
00:50:16.597 --> 00:50:19.391
I'm not normally
into like that kind of guy, but...

1043
00:50:19.475 --> 00:50:20.726
Like, an Asian guy?

1044
00:50:22.102 --> 00:50:24.855
Oh, my God, I did not say that.
You said that.

1045
00:50:24.939 --> 00:50:26.565
Don't project that on me.

1046
00:50:26.649 --> 00:50:29.068
I actually really love
that he's of a different culture.

1047
00:50:29.151 --> 00:50:30.486
Plus, I think his mom is white.

1048
00:50:31.904 --> 00:50:34.532
Uh, I'm so sorry.
What are we talking about?

1049
00:50:35.199 --> 00:50:38.786
I just wanted to tell you,
because you're a friend,

1050
00:50:38.869 --> 00:50:42.039
that, like, Charlie sort of
brought Will here to hook up with me.

1051
00:50:42.122 --> 00:50:44.875
I'm moving to L. A. next year
and I need a starter boyfriend.

1052
00:50:46.043 --> 00:50:47.545
And I saw you circling,

1053
00:50:48.212 --> 00:50:50.798
and I just wanna make sure
things don't get awkward.

1054
00:50:50.881 --> 00:50:52.841
-Okay, hon?
-I was not circling Will.

1055
00:50:52.925 --> 00:50:55.052
DEX: Hey. I was looking for you.

1056
00:50:55.511 --> 00:50:56.512
Um...

1057
00:50:56.845 --> 00:51:01.475
There is an emergency inside.
It's medical. It's a medical emergency.

1058
00:51:01.559 --> 00:51:05.020
Oh, my God. Well, then I should go
because I'm a nurse.

1059
00:51:05.104 --> 00:51:08.440
And, yeah, so I'm gonna go.
But good luck with your little mission.

1060
00:51:09.108 --> 00:51:10.693
There's no medical emergency, right?

1061
00:51:10.776 --> 00:51:13.988
No, I was just thinking we could go
absolutely nuts on the dance floor.

1062
00:51:17.533 --> 00:51:18.784
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

1063
00:51:44.935 --> 00:51:48.147
<i>I can't deal with these feels</i>
<i>in my body</i>

1064
00:51:48.272 --> 00:51:50.733
NOAH: <i>Yeah, so,</i>
<i>this is usually the moment</i>

1065
00:51:50.816 --> 00:51:54.653
<i>where I completely debase myself</i>
<i>in a sweaty back room full of strangers.</i>

1066
00:51:55.613 --> 00:51:56.614
<i>But...</i>

1067
00:51:56.697 --> 00:51:57.906
Wait. Have you seen Howie?

1068
00:51:58.991 --> 00:52:02.536
<i>Don't be crazy.</i>
<i>Charlie is a lock. Howie is happy.</i>

1069
00:52:02.786 --> 00:52:03.954
<i>Mission accomplished.</i>

1070
00:52:04.747 --> 00:52:06.874
(GROANS) <i>You know who else said that?</i>

1071
00:52:06.957 --> 00:52:08.292
George W. Bush.

1072
00:52:09.752 --> 00:52:10.753
What?

1073
00:52:11.337 --> 00:52:14.006
NOAH: <i>Confirmed.</i>
<i>The drugs have definitely kicked in.</i>

1074
00:52:27.936 --> 00:52:28.937
Fuck.

1075
00:52:29.938 --> 00:52:30.939
I got this.

1076
00:52:42.951 --> 00:52:44.662
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

1077
00:52:46.538 --> 00:52:47.539
<i>Huh.</i>

1078
00:52:51.210 --> 00:52:52.753
<i>What's he looking for?</i>

1079
00:52:53.754 --> 00:52:55.714
<i>-Shit!</i>
<i>-(GROANS)</i>

1080
00:52:55.798 --> 00:52:59.760
Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. Fuck.
Let me see, let me see.

1081
00:52:59.843 --> 00:53:00.844
Oh.

1082
00:53:00.928 --> 00:53:03.430
Shit. How bad is it? What should I do?

1083
00:53:03.514 --> 00:53:04.640
In my professional opinion,

1084
00:53:04.723 --> 00:53:07.059
we need to shove
a bunch of napkins up there.

1085
00:53:08.560 --> 00:53:11.939
Guys, if you wanna keep those jocks
white, I would move. Get out of the way.

1086
00:53:12.022 --> 00:53:15.484
-Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?
-I'm a little busy right now.

1087
00:53:15.567 --> 00:53:17.528
-Okay. Just be careful.
-NOAH: What?

1088
00:53:17.611 --> 00:53:19.029
Dex is not a good guy.

1089
00:53:19.113 --> 00:53:21.281
-Why, because he has an OnlyFans?
-What? No.

1090
00:53:21.365 --> 00:53:23.575
He doesn't have great things
to say about you either.

1091
00:53:23.659 --> 00:53:26.954
Did I see you two naughty boys
come out of the dark room together?

1092
00:53:27.037 --> 00:53:28.080
NOAH: <i>Perfect.</i>

1093
00:53:28.163 --> 00:53:30.582
It's so weird, Will,
because he was just saying tonight

1094
00:53:30.666 --> 00:53:32.543
how he wasn't into you at all and now...

1095
00:53:32.626 --> 00:53:35.337
I didn't say that.
I'm not, for the record, but...

1096
00:53:35.421 --> 00:53:36.588
Do my eyes look crazy?

1097
00:53:37.214 --> 00:53:39.466
My eyes look crazy.
They're completely black.

1098
00:53:39.550 --> 00:53:42.177
No. They're fine...
Actually, they are kind of weird.

1099
00:53:42.261 --> 00:53:43.262
What did you take?

1100
00:53:43.345 --> 00:53:45.222
<i>I'm guessing he found some K.</i>

1101
00:53:45.389 --> 00:53:48.392
<i>Ketamine. Technically speaking,</i>
<i>it's for horses.</i>

1102
00:53:48.475 --> 00:53:50.269
-My God, is that Charlie?
-NOAH: What?

1103
00:53:52.646 --> 00:53:54.022
Who the fuck is that?

1104
00:53:54.982 --> 00:53:57.359
And who is that? Is that me?

1105
00:53:57.568 --> 00:53:59.278
(GASPS) I'm gorgeous.

1106
00:53:59.361 --> 00:54:01.155
COOPER: That's Charlie's ex, Rhys.

1107
00:54:01.989 --> 00:54:03.866
We just flew him out this morning.

1108
00:54:03.949 --> 00:54:06.827
Well, I guess not "ex" anymore.

1109
00:54:06.910 --> 00:54:09.621
Yeah, Dex is the one
I gotta watch out for.

1110
00:54:09.705 --> 00:54:11.123
I gotta find Howie.

1111
00:54:13.167 --> 00:54:14.585
-(CRYING)
-Come on.

1112
00:54:17.671 --> 00:54:20.424
Um, you're gonna take this
into the bathroom, fill it up,

1113
00:54:20.507 --> 00:54:22.843
and drink until you feel normal. Okay?

1114
00:54:22.926 --> 00:54:24.094
I am fine.

1115
00:54:25.429 --> 00:54:26.513
And smart.

1116
00:54:27.264 --> 00:54:28.265
And worth it.

1117
00:54:28.348 --> 00:54:31.977
Yes, baby, yes, you are. Now go hydrate.

1118
00:54:32.102 --> 00:54:33.103
(CRIES)

1119
00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:39.485
Hey. I found you.

1120
00:54:39.568 --> 00:54:40.861
Hey.

1121
00:54:41.278 --> 00:54:42.362
Ah.

1122
00:54:42.696 --> 00:54:44.948
I didn't even know I was lost.

1123
00:54:45.657 --> 00:54:46.784
(LAUGHS) Wow.

1124
00:54:47.659 --> 00:54:49.161
NOAH: <i>MDMA. Molly.</i>

1125
00:54:49.244 --> 00:54:52.039
<i>Chemically impossible</i>
<i>to have a bad night on it.</i>

1126
00:54:52.122 --> 00:54:53.707
<i>Even if you wanted to.</i>

1127
00:54:53.791 --> 00:54:55.626
So, did you ever find Charlie?

1128
00:54:56.376 --> 00:54:58.003
-You saw him with that...
-Oh, yeah.

1129
00:54:58.086 --> 00:55:01.340
That fucking Zac Efron-looking guy
he's dry humping?

1130
00:55:01.423 --> 00:55:04.802
No, good for him. I love <i>Neighbors 2.</i>

1131
00:55:04.885 --> 00:55:07.971
It's the rare sequel
that surpasses the original.

1132
00:55:08.806 --> 00:55:09.848
Are you okay?

1133
00:55:09.932 --> 00:55:12.559
I mean, you saw the guy. It's game over.

1134
00:55:12.643 --> 00:55:14.436
No. The night is young. You...

1135
00:55:14.520 --> 00:55:18.816
-Yeah, I can fuck anybody I want.
-Oh.

1136
00:55:19.191 --> 00:55:23.904
-Let's get you off the ground, babe.
-No, the ground is the new chair, baby!

1137
00:55:24.530 --> 00:55:26.156
Oh, fuck Charlie.

1138
00:55:26.240 --> 00:55:29.034
Next time, let's just stick
to someone in my league.

1139
00:55:29.117 --> 00:55:30.869
-No, that's not...
-Girl.

1140
00:55:30.953 --> 00:55:33.330
I just overheard some hot-ass people

1141
00:55:33.413 --> 00:55:36.124
talking about after kiki on Bay Walk.

1142
00:55:36.208 --> 00:55:37.584
And so many people going

1143
00:55:37.668 --> 00:55:39.711
that they not gonna know
we wasn't invited.

1144
00:55:41.338 --> 00:55:42.548
Is he okay?

1145
00:55:42.631 --> 00:55:43.841
<i>And that's G.</i>

1146
00:55:43.924 --> 00:55:47.594
<i>You do a little too much</i>
<i>and you end up looking like, well, that.</i>

1147
00:55:47.678 --> 00:55:49.221
Yeah, he fine. Can we go?

1148
00:55:49.304 --> 00:55:51.223
Yeah, we definitely
need to get out of here.

1149
00:55:51.306 --> 00:55:53.851
You deal with that
and I'm gonna go find Max.

1150
00:55:53.934 --> 00:55:56.103
Girl, what you doing?
You gotta go to that party.

1151
00:55:56.186 --> 00:55:57.521
Okay. Okay.

1152
00:55:58.689 --> 00:56:00.274
(BOTH LAUGH AND CHEER)

1153
00:56:00.607 --> 00:56:02.025
KEEGAN: It's gonna be wild.

1154
00:56:02.609 --> 00:56:05.988
Max. Come on, Max, we gotta go.

1155
00:56:06.071 --> 00:56:07.281
What's a... Oh.

1156
00:56:07.364 --> 00:56:09.408
-MAN: Can I just shit in peace?
-Shit.

1157
00:56:09.491 --> 00:56:10.742
At a party.

1158
00:56:12.870 --> 00:56:13.871
Hey.

1159
00:56:16.081 --> 00:56:19.126
If you're looking for your friends,
they just got on a water taxi.

1160
00:56:19.209 --> 00:56:23.463
What? Those bitches.
I'm the one without a phone.

1161
00:56:23.547 --> 00:56:26.550
I think it was the last taxi out
and they panicked.

1162
00:56:26.633 --> 00:56:28.510
I told them I'd come find you.

1163
00:56:30.012 --> 00:56:31.555
I know where they're going,

1164
00:56:31.638 --> 00:56:34.308
we'd just have to
cut through the Meat Rack.

1165
00:56:36.143 --> 00:56:37.144
Perfect.

1166
00:56:41.106 --> 00:56:42.649
You coming or what?

1167
00:56:46.028 --> 00:56:48.447
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!

1168
00:56:49.323 --> 00:56:52.951
For somebody who reads so much,
you have a very narrow vocabulary.

1169
00:56:53.035 --> 00:56:54.411
You're really boring, you know?

1170
00:56:54.494 --> 00:56:56.371
Because I don't speak like
a 13-year-old?

1171
00:56:56.455 --> 00:56:59.374
No. Because you're rude,
elitist, smug, hella judgmental...

1172
00:56:59.458 --> 00:57:01.585
You seem to have
a lot of opinions about someone

1173
00:57:01.668 --> 00:57:03.253
you've only known for three days.

1174
00:57:03.337 --> 00:57:06.673
That's funny. You had a lot of opinions
about me after what? Three hours?

1175
00:57:06.757 --> 00:57:09.092
-What're You talking about?
-God, how did you put it?

1176
00:57:09.176 --> 00:57:11.511
"He's not hot enough
to be that annoying"?

1177
00:57:11.595 --> 00:57:13.013
Did Charlie tell you I said that?

1178
00:57:13.096 --> 00:57:14.640
That's what you're concerned about?

1179
00:57:14.723 --> 00:57:17.601
-No, I'm sorry, I just...
-No, Charlie didn't tell me.

1180
00:57:17.684 --> 00:57:18.810
Are you happy?

1181
00:57:18.894 --> 00:57:20.437
God, say what you will about me,

1182
00:57:20.520 --> 00:57:23.106
but you barely even met Howie
before you and your crew

1183
00:57:23.190 --> 00:57:25.150
decided he wasn't good enough
for Charlie.

1184
00:57:25.233 --> 00:57:28.654
And then to pull this shit. Literally
airdropping in his ex from Manhattan.

1185
00:57:28.737 --> 00:57:29.780
That's psychotic.

1186
00:57:29.863 --> 00:57:32.741
I didn't have anything to do with Rhys
coming here. That was Cooper.

1187
00:57:32.824 --> 00:57:35.702
I can't stand Rhys.
For the record, I like your friend.

1188
00:57:35.786 --> 00:57:37.829
Anything I did,
I was doing to protect Charlie.

1189
00:57:37.913 --> 00:57:41.458
Protect Charlie? From who? From Howie?

1190
00:57:41.541 --> 00:57:45.128
Have you met him? I should've been
protecting him from all of you people.

1191
00:57:45.212 --> 00:57:48.006
"You people"? What do I have in common
with any of them?

1192
00:57:48.090 --> 00:57:51.259
I've never met somebody
who made it so clear, so immediately,

1193
00:57:51.343 --> 00:57:53.762
that they think they're so superior
than everybody else.

1194
00:57:53.845 --> 00:57:55.847
First I thought
it was because you were rich,

1195
00:57:55.931 --> 00:57:57.599
but it's actually deeper than that.

1196
00:57:57.683 --> 00:58:00.811
You think if you let everybody know
how miserable you are being gay,

1197
00:58:00.894 --> 00:58:02.729
it'll make you less of a faggot than us.

1198
00:58:02.813 --> 00:58:04.272
I don't think I'm better than you.

1199
00:58:04.356 --> 00:58:06.233
-You don't have to, everybody else does.
-Who?

1200
00:58:06.316 --> 00:58:09.277
The whole fucking world.
Dude, look at us.

1201
00:58:09.361 --> 00:58:11.905
Okay, you're this big,
rich, successful lawyer

1202
00:58:11.989 --> 00:58:14.032
who might as well be straight.
And I'm not.

1203
00:58:14.116 --> 00:58:15.659
You are spectacular.

1204
00:58:15.742 --> 00:58:18.245
You think you've got
the whole world figured out,

1205
00:58:18.328 --> 00:58:20.747
but all you're doing
is assuming the worst.

1206
00:58:20.831 --> 00:58:23.667
Makes it easier for you.
You expect everyone to reject you,

1207
00:58:23.750 --> 00:58:25.836
so when somebody
comes along and actually does,

1208
00:58:25.919 --> 00:58:27.421
it doesn't hurt so much.

1209
00:58:29.381 --> 00:58:31.174
The reality is, Noah,

1210
00:58:32.884 --> 00:58:34.845
no one's thinking that much about you.

1211
00:58:35.887 --> 00:58:39.224
You know what, I don't give a shit
what you think about me.

1212
00:58:39.307 --> 00:58:41.601
-Fuck!
-Oh, shit. You okay?

1213
00:58:41.685 --> 00:58:43.186
I'm fine. I got this.

1214
00:58:43.270 --> 00:58:45.230
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

1215
00:58:48.567 --> 00:58:49.609
What are you doing?

1216
00:58:50.861 --> 00:58:51.862
You hate me.

1217
00:58:54.322 --> 00:58:56.616
I... I have to go. I'm gonna go.

1218
00:58:56.700 --> 00:58:58.785
And maybe you should just...

1219
00:58:58.869 --> 00:59:00.746
You know what, do whatever you want.

1220
00:59:05.917 --> 00:59:07.878
(MUFFLED ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

1221
00:59:15.510 --> 00:59:16.511
DEX: Hey.

1222
00:59:17.179 --> 00:59:18.388
Oh, hey.

1223
00:59:23.935 --> 00:59:26.897
-What happened to you?
-Uh, have you seen Howie?

1224
00:59:26.980 --> 00:59:29.858
I can't find Luke.
I think he's falling out.

1225
00:59:29.941 --> 00:59:31.026
Is that news?

1226
00:59:31.109 --> 00:59:32.819
Well, we have to get him home.

1227
00:59:32.903 --> 00:59:34.863
Okay, go find Howie.
I'll take care of this.

1228
00:59:34.946 --> 00:59:36.031
Thank you.

1229
00:59:38.825 --> 00:59:40.869
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

1230
00:59:48.710 --> 00:59:50.462
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1231
00:59:56.301 --> 00:59:58.303
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

1232
01:00:03.058 --> 01:00:04.059
Howie?

1233
01:00:05.852 --> 01:00:07.229
(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

1234
01:00:07.646 --> 01:00:09.439
Okay, thank you. Worth a shot.

1235
01:00:10.357 --> 01:00:13.443
Hey, you will never guess
what just happened to me.

1236
01:00:14.111 --> 01:00:16.363
You fell in a bunch of mud?

1237
01:00:16.446 --> 01:00:18.573
Uh, yeah. Do you wanna get out of here?

1238
01:00:18.657 --> 01:00:20.909
Actually, he was just
about to leave with me.

1239
01:00:20.992 --> 01:00:23.411
-NOAH: Uh, no, he's not.
-Jealous.

1240
01:00:24.371 --> 01:00:27.624
You know, I've got a big bed,
room enough for three.

1241
01:00:27.707 --> 01:00:30.001
-Thanks. But we're gonna pass.
-I'm not.

1242
01:00:30.544 --> 01:00:31.545
What?

1243
01:00:33.255 --> 01:00:34.589
Can you excuse us for a second?

1244
01:00:34.673 --> 01:00:37.926
-I need to talk to you upstairs.
-HOWIE: What are you doing? What?

1245
01:00:41.888 --> 01:00:44.641
-What are you doing?
-Exactly what you told me to do.

1246
01:00:44.724 --> 01:00:47.102
Not with that guy, though.
Anybody but that guy.

1247
01:00:47.185 --> 01:00:48.186
-He's into me.
-Yeah.

1248
01:00:48.270 --> 01:00:52.858
And he has, like, five anime tattoos.
You said no settling, that is settling.

1249
01:00:52.941 --> 01:00:55.610
And you said this was
supposed to make me feel good.

1250
01:00:55.694 --> 01:00:59.614
Well, guess what? I don't feel good.
I feel really fucking bad right now.

1251
01:00:59.698 --> 01:01:02.033
But fucking some rice queen
won't make you feel better.

1252
01:01:02.117 --> 01:01:04.578
-There are plenty of other guys...
-For you!

1253
01:01:04.661 --> 01:01:05.662
For you, too!

1254
01:01:05.745 --> 01:01:08.832
No, stop it. Stop talking about this
like we're the same!

1255
01:01:10.584 --> 01:01:11.543
But we are.

1256
01:01:12.210 --> 01:01:13.587
You and me. Fuck the rest.

1257
01:01:13.670 --> 01:01:14.671
No, stop!

1258
01:01:14.754 --> 01:01:18.884
You wanna feel so good so badly
that you did all this.

1259
01:01:19.551 --> 01:01:22.721
And now you want me to feel good, too.
Because you...

1260
01:01:22.804 --> 01:01:25.682
I don't know, you feel guilty?
I don't really give a shit.

1261
01:01:25.765 --> 01:01:30.187
But stop pretending like you
don't understand how the world works.

1262
01:01:33.148 --> 01:01:34.357
That's really unfair.

1263
01:01:35.609 --> 01:01:36.693
Fuck you.

1264
01:02:06.890 --> 01:02:07.933
(SIGHS SOFTLY)

1265
01:02:28.620 --> 01:02:32.540
NOAH: <i>Don't tell anybody,</i>
<i>but I think I might've fucked up.</i>

1266
01:02:43.802 --> 01:02:45.804
-I cannot believe you left us there.
-Wake up!

1267
01:02:45.887 --> 01:02:48.974
-How are you still sleeping?
-MAX: I was out of my mind! Okay?

1268
01:02:49.057 --> 01:02:51.059
-KEEGAN: You still rolling, girl.
-One at a time.

1269
01:02:51.142 --> 01:02:53.228
-Howie still isn't home.
-Neither is Luke.

1270
01:02:53.311 --> 01:02:56.147
Thanks for your help last night.
'Cause now he's missing.

1271
01:02:56.231 --> 01:02:58.483
I swear, if something happened to him...

1272
01:02:58.566 --> 01:03:00.527
Like, we were making a podcast.

1273
01:03:00.610 --> 01:03:01.820
And this came for you.

1274
01:03:02.654 --> 01:03:03.863
What the fuck is this?

1275
01:03:03.947 --> 01:03:08.118
Oh, that horrible friend of Charlie's...
What's his name? Wu? Womb?

1276
01:03:08.201 --> 01:03:12.163
Will? Is this a letter?
What does it say?

1277
01:03:12.247 --> 01:03:14.582
We don't know.
Max wouldn't let us read it.

1278
01:03:17.210 --> 01:03:20.255
Oh, okay. I'm gonna go read this inside.

1279
01:03:20.338 --> 01:03:23.800
Wait! Can you at least
tell us what it says?

1280
01:03:23.883 --> 01:03:27.345
Please? Come on, we are so bored, girl.

1281
01:03:31.141 --> 01:03:34.394
WILL: <i>"Hey. I know</i>
<i>this isn't the ideal way to do this,</i>

1282
01:03:34.477 --> 01:03:37.022
<i>"but you don't have a phone</i>
<i>at the moment,</i>

1283
01:03:37.105 --> 01:03:41.401
<i>"and I thought it might be best</i>
<i>to do this sooner rather than later.</i>

1284
01:03:42.319 --> 01:03:44.154
<i>"So, let me say, sincerely,</i>

1285
01:03:45.613 --> 01:03:46.823
<i>"I'm sorry.</i>

1286
01:03:50.952 --> 01:03:52.829
<i>"For what I said that first night.</i>

1287
01:03:54.331 --> 01:03:55.498
<i>"For everything.</i>

1288
01:03:58.710 --> 01:04:03.256
<i>"Beyond that, I did wanna clarify</i>
<i>one thing, about Dex.</i>

1289
01:04:04.507 --> 01:04:07.177
<i>"He's not the person</i>
<i>he presents himself to be.</i>

1290
01:04:09.471 --> 01:04:11.806
<i>"I promise,</i>
<i>my dislike of him has nothing to do</i>

1291
01:04:11.890 --> 01:04:13.266
<i>"with whatever he told you,</i>

1292
01:04:13.350 --> 01:04:16.853
<i>"and everything to do with</i>
<i>what he did to someone I'm close to.</i>

1293
01:04:17.937 --> 01:04:22.442
<i>"Just know he is exceptionally good</i>
<i>at hiding who he really is.</i>

1294
01:04:23.276 --> 01:04:24.986
<i>"I hope you can forgive me,</i>

1295
01:04:25.070 --> 01:04:28.656
<i>"and that maybe eventually</i>
<i>we could even be friends.</i>

1296
01:04:29.574 --> 01:04:31.159
<i>"Sincerely, Will."</i>

1297
01:04:33.495 --> 01:04:34.496
(SCOFFS)

1298
01:04:35.080 --> 01:04:36.122
What the fuck?

1299
01:04:37.374 --> 01:04:38.541
We have a situation.

1300
01:04:39.250 --> 01:04:40.835
What the fuck is he doing here?

1301
01:04:40.919 --> 01:04:43.088
He showed up
saying he needed to talk to Howie.

1302
01:04:43.171 --> 01:04:46.091
They're in the one place
that's impossible to eavesdrop on.

1303
01:04:46.174 --> 01:04:49.219
-NOAH: (SIGHS) When did Howie get back?
-A little while ago.

1304
01:04:49.302 --> 01:04:51.346
Did something happen between you two?

1305
01:04:51.429 --> 01:04:55.016
I don't know. I think he...
I think he blames me for that.

1306
01:04:55.100 --> 01:04:58.311
But I told him from the start,
don't get sucked into one guy's orbit.

1307
01:04:58.395 --> 01:05:00.230
Especially that guy.

1308
01:05:00.313 --> 01:05:04.234
And I've been focused all week on him
and his happiness and getting him laid.

1309
01:05:04.317 --> 01:05:06.861
And I didn't think
it would solve all his problems,

1310
01:05:06.945 --> 01:05:09.781
but I thought I could make him feel hot
and powerful for a week.

1311
01:05:09.864 --> 01:05:11.950
Is sex what makes you feel
hot and powerful?

1312
01:05:12.033 --> 01:05:14.077
No. I'm hot and powerful,
so I have a lot of sex.

1313
01:05:14.160 --> 01:05:16.955
I just thought I could
reverse-engineer it a little bit.

1314
01:05:17.747 --> 01:05:20.834
But... I think I can still fix this.
I just...

1315
01:05:21.960 --> 01:05:24.129
(SIGHS) I don't know. It's complicated.

1316
01:05:24.212 --> 01:05:26.339
"Complicated"? Please.
Wanna know what I think...

1317
01:05:26.423 --> 01:05:29.551
Babe, I love you,
but this is me and Howie. It's serious.

1318
01:05:29.634 --> 01:05:31.928
Oh. Fuck you. Listen.

1319
01:05:32.011 --> 01:05:34.764
I know you all think I'm some old,
ridiculous burnout,

1320
01:05:34.848 --> 01:05:39.227
but I had a whole life before I met you,
and it used to look a lot like yours.

1321
01:05:39.310 --> 01:05:41.438
I had lovers, and friends,

1322
01:05:41.521 --> 01:05:44.023
summers in Cherry Grove
with lesbians my own age.

1323
01:05:44.107 --> 01:05:47.694
-And I thought I had it all figured out.
-Babe, I know all your stories.

1324
01:05:47.777 --> 01:05:50.864
Yes, the fun ones.
Not the ones where I fucked it up.

1325
01:05:50.947 --> 01:05:54.325
I tried to fix everyone,
but what I was doing is, over time,

1326
01:05:54.409 --> 01:05:56.911
slowly pushing
everyone I cared about out of my life.

1327
01:05:56.995 --> 01:06:00.248
Until my only friends
were a group of boys half my age

1328
01:06:00.331 --> 01:06:03.001
who only put up with me
because I have a house on Fire Island.

1329
01:06:03.084 --> 01:06:04.627
That's not true. We love you.

1330
01:06:04.711 --> 01:06:07.797
That's sweet.
But you're missing the point.

1331
01:06:07.881 --> 01:06:10.175
Howie doesn't need anyone to fix him.

1332
01:06:10.258 --> 01:06:13.261
Not you, not this island, not anything.

1333
01:06:14.220 --> 01:06:16.139
He just needs a friend.

1334
01:06:16.222 --> 01:06:18.057
He'll be just fine. You'll see.

1335
01:06:23.188 --> 01:06:24.898
Oh, my God! My baby's drowning!

1336
01:06:30.195 --> 01:06:34.240
So Charlie's ex has Lyme disease?

1337
01:06:34.324 --> 01:06:36.075
-MAX: Seriously?
-ERIN: Please.

1338
01:06:36.159 --> 01:06:38.453
KEEGAN: It's like that thing
Yolanda Hadid has?

1339
01:06:39.204 --> 01:06:44.083
Yeah, he just found out.
And, now, Charlie, you know...

1340
01:06:46.169 --> 01:06:49.339
Wants to be supportive
because he says it's really serious.

1341
01:06:49.422 --> 01:06:51.549
NOAH: Oh, my God.
That's clearly bullshit.

1342
01:06:51.633 --> 01:06:53.092
You saw that guy last night. He...

1343
01:06:53.176 --> 01:06:55.970
Yeah, Charlie probably
made it up because he feels bad.

1344
01:06:56.054 --> 01:06:59.849
-No, that's not what I was gonna say.
-What difference does it make?

1345
01:07:06.314 --> 01:07:07.315
(SCOFFS)

1346
01:07:36.177 --> 01:07:37.512
NOAH: <i>I don't think so.</i>

1347
01:07:42.141 --> 01:07:44.185
You just twist your blind a little bit.

1348
01:07:44.269 --> 01:07:45.436
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1349
01:07:45.687 --> 01:07:47.647
Leave the door ajar.

1350
01:07:49.649 --> 01:07:51.985
And let the whole salad bar
hang out, honey.

1351
01:07:52.068 --> 01:07:53.778
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1352
01:07:54.320 --> 01:07:56.364
So we brought sandwiches to the room...

1353
01:07:56.447 --> 01:07:57.991
-No microwave, honey.
-Hey, weirdo.

1354
01:07:58.074 --> 01:07:59.993
You dropped your ice cream back there.

1355
01:08:00.702 --> 01:08:01.703
Oh.

1356
01:08:02.370 --> 01:08:03.955
I wasn't sure you'd want to see me.

1357
01:08:04.038 --> 01:08:06.165
So you ran away?

1358
01:08:06.249 --> 01:08:07.625
Returning the favor.

1359
01:08:07.709 --> 01:08:08.668
Very funny.

1360
01:08:09.335 --> 01:08:10.461
I got your letter.

1361
01:08:12.213 --> 01:08:13.256
I see. Uh...

1362
01:08:14.007 --> 01:08:15.842
-So are we...
-Good?

1363
01:08:17.176 --> 01:08:18.219
We're good.

1364
01:08:18.886 --> 01:08:22.557
I am, however, a little pissed
at your friend right now. Lyme disease?

1365
01:08:22.640 --> 01:08:24.475
You kidding me?
Does he even like that guy?

1366
01:08:24.559 --> 01:08:27.854
I don't know. Can we...
Can we talk about something else?

1367
01:08:27.937 --> 01:08:30.523
Sure. Let's talk about Dex.

1368
01:08:30.607 --> 01:08:33.568
You send me this weird letter
like a Victorian ghost,

1369
01:08:33.651 --> 01:08:36.321
filled with all these vague details
about the past.

1370
01:08:36.404 --> 01:08:38.156
It's not really my story to tell.

1371
01:08:38.406 --> 01:08:41.159
But look at this,
and it'll give you a clearer picture

1372
01:08:41.242 --> 01:08:43.453
of the kind of person he really is.

1373
01:08:43.536 --> 01:08:45.413
He has an Instagram. What a villain.

1374
01:08:46.414 --> 01:08:48.791
Okay. So he has some thotty pictures.

1375
01:08:48.875 --> 01:08:51.878
But it doesn't make him
a bad guy necessarily.

1376
01:08:52.920 --> 01:08:54.380
-Oh.
-Just be careful.

1377
01:08:55.423 --> 01:08:56.883
You have to trust me.

1378
01:08:56.966 --> 01:08:58.676
Like we're friends or something?

1379
01:08:59.344 --> 01:09:00.428
Something like that.

1380
01:09:01.971 --> 01:09:04.140
-I'm not an easy guy to be friends with.
-Shocking.

1381
01:09:04.223 --> 01:09:05.808
Oh, yeah, right. And you are?

1382
01:09:06.809 --> 01:09:10.063
DRAG QUEEN: 'Cause you know what?
It's time for the dance-off!

1383
01:09:10.146 --> 01:09:12.106
I have a lot of friends, actually.

1384
01:09:13.149 --> 01:09:14.901
I'm a very fun-loving person.

1385
01:09:14.984 --> 01:09:16.569
-(CLICKS TONGUE) Really?
-Yep.

1386
01:09:16.653 --> 01:09:17.654
Prove it.

1387
01:09:17.737 --> 01:09:20.823
I need some new blood though, honey.
You come every single week.

1388
01:09:20.907 --> 01:09:21.908
-Good grief.
-Over here!

1389
01:09:21.991 --> 01:09:25.078
-No. I... That wasn't...
-You said you were fun. Be fun.

1390
01:09:25.161 --> 01:09:26.162
DRAG QUEEN: You, you.

1391
01:09:26.245 --> 01:09:28.247
-NOAH: Over here.
-Honey, you had too many shots.

1392
01:09:28.331 --> 01:09:32.210
Yeah, very eager.
Hey. Hi, gorgeous, come on up.

1393
01:09:32.293 --> 01:09:33.670
(IN SING-SONG VOICE) <i>Hello!</i>

1394
01:09:33.753 --> 01:09:35.672
Stand in line over here.

1395
01:09:35.755 --> 01:09:38.758
All right. So, what is your name?

1396
01:09:38.841 --> 01:09:39.842
Will.

1397
01:09:39.926 --> 01:09:42.887
Hi, Will. Everybody say hey!

1398
01:09:43.012 --> 01:09:44.097
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

1399
01:09:44.389 --> 01:09:46.808
-Have you ever done a dance-off before?
-No.

1400
01:09:47.975 --> 01:09:50.478
(LAUGHING)

1401
01:09:50.561 --> 01:09:53.314
Okay. Are you excited for the dance-off?

1402
01:09:53.398 --> 01:09:54.399
Yep.

1403
01:09:54.565 --> 01:09:56.484
(MIMICS ROBOT) "Yes, I'm excited."

1404
01:09:56.567 --> 01:09:57.735
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Okay.

1405
01:09:57.819 --> 01:09:59.862
DJ Max is gonna put on some music.

1406
01:09:59.946 --> 01:10:02.824
And you just, you know,
shake your groove thing. Right?

1407
01:10:02.907 --> 01:10:06.160
-Y'all ready to see it? DJ, stick it in.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1408
01:10:06.285 --> 01:10:09.372
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
-Come on, everybody get sexy now.

1409
01:10:09.455 --> 01:10:12.959
Feel the beat. Okay, Will.

1410
01:10:13.876 --> 01:10:17.839
All right. Okay, get to the front.
Let's see what you really got, honey.

1411
01:10:17.922 --> 01:10:19.340
All right, Will. Let's go.

1412
01:10:19.424 --> 01:10:20.425
<i>Uh</i>

1413
01:10:22.051 --> 01:10:23.094
<i>Uh, uh</i>

1414
01:10:23.177 --> 01:10:25.054
Get sexy. Ooh. Ooh.

1415
01:10:25.430 --> 01:10:26.639
(CHUCKLES) Get sexy.

1416
01:10:26.723 --> 01:10:29.600
Yeah. Okay, somebody's been studying!

1417
01:10:30.309 --> 01:10:33.438
Yes. That's right. Think Paula Abdul.

1418
01:10:34.480 --> 01:10:38.025
Yes, okay. Not RoboCop, Paula Abdul.

1419
01:10:38.401 --> 01:10:41.028
-(AUDIENCE MEMBER CHEERS)
-(LAUGHS)

1420
01:10:41.571 --> 01:10:45.700
Oh, Will, babe. Okay, the '90s.
Just straight up the '90s.

1421
01:10:45.867 --> 01:10:49.287
Okay. Yes, okay. <i>West Side Story.</i>

1422
01:10:49.370 --> 01:10:51.748
In the '90s. Okay!

1423
01:10:52.582 --> 01:10:53.666
Oh, Will!

1424
01:10:53.750 --> 01:10:55.293
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1425
01:10:56.544 --> 01:10:58.921
Okay. Okay, oh, yeah, yeah.

1426
01:10:59.088 --> 01:11:00.256
(LAUGHS)

1427
01:11:00.548 --> 01:11:02.884
You got your eye on somebody. All right!

1428
01:11:06.387 --> 01:11:09.015
(SOFT INDIE MUSIC PLAYING)

1429
01:12:18.751 --> 01:12:21.045
-KEEGAN: Girl, come on. Tell us.
-Not now. Later.

1430
01:12:21.128 --> 01:12:22.588
-But we wanna know now.
-Stop!

1431
01:12:22.672 --> 01:12:24.632
-You were gone forever yesterday.
-Stop.

1432
01:12:24.715 --> 01:12:26.884
-And no texts, nothing.
-We thought you were dead.

1433
01:12:26.968 --> 01:12:29.929
-Okay. Well, I'm here now. Okay?
-Well, who was it?

1434
01:12:30.012 --> 01:12:31.722
Who even says I was with someone?

1435
01:12:31.806 --> 01:12:35.768
Guys, remember when he got locked
in that guy's bathroom for six hours?

1436
01:12:35.852 --> 01:12:38.771
Maybe he got locked in two
different bathrooms. That's half a day.

1437
01:12:38.855 --> 01:12:41.858
Okay. Well, for your information,
actually, I was with a guy.

1438
01:12:41.941 --> 01:12:43.860
-I knew it.
-LUKE: Sorry, Noah.

1439
01:12:43.943 --> 01:12:46.654
Looks like I'm the hot one now.

1440
01:12:46.737 --> 01:12:48.823
(MAN SINGING ON STAGE)

1441
01:12:50.157 --> 01:12:52.618
-He got locked in a bathroom again.
-Without question.

1442
01:12:52.702 --> 01:12:53.870
(CHUCKLES)

1443
01:12:56.831 --> 01:12:59.792
Okay, ma'am,
how long are you gonna be mad at me?

1444
01:12:59.876 --> 01:13:02.503
-Sir, I'm not mad at you.
-This is the longest

1445
01:13:02.587 --> 01:13:05.590
you've not talked to me since
I said <i>Call Me By Your Name</i> was boring.

1446
01:13:05.673 --> 01:13:08.050
I'm sorry it's not part
of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

1447
01:13:08.134 --> 01:13:11.137
-EMCEE: Next, we've got Howie!
-What? No, I didn't...

1448
01:13:11.220 --> 01:13:13.014
-LUKE: We did. You have to.
-No, I can't...

1449
01:13:13.097 --> 01:13:14.682
KEEGAN: Come on. It's tradition.

1450
01:13:14.765 --> 01:13:16.893
-AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hey!
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1451
01:13:16.976 --> 01:13:18.477
(AUDIENCE WHISTLING)

1452
01:13:20.605 --> 01:13:21.731
(AUDIENCE MEMBER 2 WHOOPS)

1453
01:13:23.774 --> 01:13:25.109
(SOMETIMES PLAYING)

1454
01:13:25.359 --> 01:13:26.527
(AUDIENCE MEMBER 2 WHOOPS)

1455
01:13:33.993 --> 01:13:37.079
<i>You tell me you're in love with me</i>

1456
01:13:38.539 --> 01:13:43.044
<i>Like you can't take</i>
<i>your pretty eyes away from me</i>

1457
01:13:43.669 --> 01:13:47.381
<i>It's not that I don't wanna stay</i>

1458
01:13:48.341 --> 01:13:52.345
<i>But every time you come too close</i>
<i>I move away</i>

1459
01:13:52.428 --> 01:13:54.764
-BOTH: <i>Ooh</i>
<i>-I wanna believe</i>

1460
01:13:54.847 --> 01:13:57.683
<i>In everything that you say</i>

1461
01:13:58.142 --> 01:14:01.228
<i>'Cause it sounds so good</i>

1462
01:14:01.312 --> 01:14:06.025
ALL: <i>But if you really want me</i>
<i>Move slow</i>

1463
01:14:06.108 --> 01:14:09.946
<i>There's things about me</i>
<i>you just have to know</i>

1464
01:14:10.029 --> 01:14:11.489
<i>Sometimes I run</i>

1465
01:14:12.657 --> 01:14:14.992
<i>Sometimes I hide</i>

1466
01:14:15.076 --> 01:14:17.787
<i>Sometimes I'm scared of you</i>

1467
01:14:17.870 --> 01:14:22.667
<i>But all I really want</i>
<i>is to hold you tight</i>

1468
01:14:22.750 --> 01:14:27.713
<i>Treat you right</i>
<i>Be with you day and night</i>

1469
01:14:27.797 --> 01:14:30.132
<i>Baby, all I need is time</i>

1470
01:14:30.216 --> 01:14:32.802
<i>Just hang around and you'll see</i>

1471
01:14:32.885 --> 01:14:35.596
<i>There's nowhere I'd rather be</i>

1472
01:14:35.680 --> 01:14:39.892
<i>If you love me, trust in me</i>

1473
01:14:39.976 --> 01:14:44.730
<i>The way that I trust in you</i>

1474
01:14:44.814 --> 01:14:46.399
MAN: We love you, girls!

1475
01:14:46.524 --> 01:14:48.067
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

1476
01:14:48.401 --> 01:14:50.945
-(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
-(CHUCKLING) Shut up.

1477
01:14:53.114 --> 01:14:54.782
AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: I know all the words.

1478
01:14:54.865 --> 01:14:56.659
<i>Sometimes I run</i>

1479
01:14:56.742 --> 01:14:57.785
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

1480
01:14:57.868 --> 01:14:59.745
<i>Sometimes I hide</i>

1481
01:14:59.829 --> 01:15:03.124
<i>Sometimes I'm scared of you</i>

1482
01:15:03.207 --> 01:15:07.962
<i>But all I really want</i>
<i>is to hold you tight</i>

1483
01:15:08.045 --> 01:15:12.717
<i>Treat you right</i>
<i>Be with you day and night</i>

1484
01:15:12.800 --> 01:15:16.387
<i>Baby, all I need is time</i>

1485
01:15:16.470 --> 01:15:19.265
-AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: Give it to me!
-(ALL CHEERING)

1486
01:15:23.352 --> 01:15:25.021
Come on, girls!

1487
01:15:26.522 --> 01:15:27.523
(SCREAMS)

1488
01:15:29.108 --> 01:15:31.027
(GASPING)

1489
01:15:31.152 --> 01:15:32.903
KEEGAN: Girl, what's the matter?

1490
01:15:32.987 --> 01:15:33.988
-More words, okay?
-Luke!

1491
01:15:34.071 --> 01:15:36.615
-What's going on?
-My poor Luke!

1492
01:15:36.699 --> 01:15:39.285
Poor me? What? Oh, my God.

1493
01:15:41.120 --> 01:15:42.163
Is that me?

1494
01:15:42.872 --> 01:15:43.956
What the fuck?

1495
01:15:46.417 --> 01:15:48.002
Fuck, is that Dex?

1496
01:15:48.085 --> 01:15:51.630
-Why are you in a video with Dex?
-My friend Jonathan sent it to me.

1497
01:15:51.714 --> 01:15:54.675
Some guy named TJ screen-recorded it
and sent it to Greg,

1498
01:15:54.759 --> 01:15:57.094
who recognized Luke,
then sent it to Jonathan!

1499
01:15:57.178 --> 01:16:00.056
Probably half the cater-waiters
on the Lower East Side have seen it.

1500
01:16:00.139 --> 01:16:02.475
There's not much to do
between courses besides jerk off.

1501
01:16:02.558 --> 01:16:04.435
This is bad, that's my whole face.

1502
01:16:04.518 --> 01:16:07.188
Did he tell you he was gonna do that?
If it was okay?

1503
01:16:07.271 --> 01:16:08.355
What do you think?

1504
01:16:08.439 --> 01:16:10.274
I don't know. I don't remember.

1505
01:16:10.357 --> 01:16:13.235
I was so fucked up
I barely remember having sex with him.

1506
01:16:13.319 --> 01:16:14.320
This is not cool.

1507
01:16:14.403 --> 01:16:16.947
But I remember I woke up
in the morning and he was there.

1508
01:16:17.031 --> 01:16:19.200
And we spent
the whole day mostly fucking,

1509
01:16:19.283 --> 01:16:21.202
which I definitely consented to that.

1510
01:16:21.285 --> 01:16:24.330
And I thought the whole thing
was kind of romantic until right now.

1511
01:16:24.413 --> 01:16:26.248
-NOAH: Give me that.
-What are you gonna do?

1512
01:16:26.332 --> 01:16:28.834
Please don't do anything insane.
Just have him take it down.

1513
01:16:28.918 --> 01:16:31.754
I don't want him mad at me,
so don't be all Noah about it.

1514
01:16:31.837 --> 01:16:33.047
NOAH: <i>I'm gonna kill him.</i>

1515
01:16:33.130 --> 01:16:34.131
Sure.

1516
01:16:34.840 --> 01:16:38.094
-Luke, I'm so sor...
-What the fuck! That is so fucked up!

1517
01:16:38.719 --> 01:16:40.471
You'll be happy to know you were right.

1518
01:16:40.554 --> 01:16:42.598
I'm gonna be honest.
This feels like a trap.

1519
01:16:45.226 --> 01:16:47.561
-Why am I looking at pornography?
-Look closer.

1520
01:16:49.897 --> 01:16:53.776
-I'm gonna kill him.
-No, wait. I said that. That's my thing.

1521
01:16:56.779 --> 01:16:58.697
-Hey, what's up?
-Fucking little shit!

1522
01:17:02.827 --> 01:17:04.870
-What the fuck?
-Look familiar?

1523
01:17:04.954 --> 01:17:05.955
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

1524
01:17:06.038 --> 01:17:08.791
Okay. I think there's been
some kind of misunderstanding, okay?

1525
01:17:08.874 --> 01:17:10.042
You don't get to be dry.

1526
01:17:10.126 --> 01:17:13.045
If you're pissed because
I fucked your friend instead of you,

1527
01:17:13.129 --> 01:17:14.839
-the least you could've...
-Nice try.

1528
01:17:14.922 --> 01:17:18.300
I'm pissed because you're a loser and
a fraud who takes advantage of people.

1529
01:17:18.384 --> 01:17:20.302
He was willing.
More than I can say for you.

1530
01:17:20.386 --> 01:17:22.680
He didn't know
you'd put this online! That's...

1531
01:17:22.763 --> 01:17:23.764
WILL: A crime.

1532
01:17:25.182 --> 01:17:27.685
Without some sort of
written waiver of consent,

1533
01:17:27.768 --> 01:17:31.105
this meets the criteria under
New York state law for revenge porn.

1534
01:17:32.189 --> 01:17:36.402
Add in the illegal substances involved
and you're looking at jail time,

1535
01:17:36.485 --> 01:17:39.613
a hefty fine,
and registration as a sex offender.

1536
01:17:39.697 --> 01:17:42.116
-Hold on. We do not have...
-Speaking with the victim,

1537
01:17:42.199 --> 01:17:44.535
I think we can resolve
this matter right now.

1538
01:17:46.912 --> 01:17:47.913
How?

1539
01:17:47.997 --> 01:17:51.709
WILL: Delete the video on your phone
and your website for starters.

1540
01:17:51.792 --> 01:17:52.877
Now.

1541
01:17:54.295 --> 01:17:56.046
WILL: I would make it
my personal mission

1542
01:17:56.130 --> 01:17:59.133
to make sure
these videos disappear forever.

1543
01:17:59.216 --> 01:18:01.093
And you have to delete your Instagram.

1544
01:18:01.177 --> 01:18:03.971
-What? No way!
-I don't think we can make him do that.

1545
01:18:04.054 --> 01:18:06.390
If a judge saw the Instagram,
they'd be on my side.

1546
01:18:07.474 --> 01:18:08.851
Fuck, just check his phone.

1547
01:18:14.273 --> 01:18:15.816
Awesome. We're done here.

1548
01:18:19.278 --> 01:18:22.448
-Those are waterproof now, you know.
-Don't ruin this for me.

1549
01:18:23.073 --> 01:18:25.201
NOAH: Shut the fuck up!
You made that up?

1550
01:18:25.284 --> 01:18:30.247
Some of it. Some of it was
a little bit of an exaggeration.

1551
01:18:30.331 --> 01:18:32.333
Holy shit! You <i>Legally Blonde'd</i> him.

1552
01:18:32.416 --> 01:18:34.710
-Oh, my God.
-Sorry, I don't know what that is.

1553
01:18:35.878 --> 01:18:37.046
You don't know what...

1554
01:18:37.129 --> 01:18:40.841
Oh, my God! We were having such a nice
moment, and you had to ruin it.

1555
01:18:40.925 --> 01:18:41.926
(CHUCKLES)

1556
01:18:42.009 --> 01:18:45.137
Is that what you do in L. A.?
Big trial lawyer like the...

1557
01:18:45.221 --> 01:18:47.514
No, I work for a nonprofit.

1558
01:18:48.599 --> 01:18:51.810
Mostly tenants' rights stuff,
wrongful evictions.

1559
01:18:51.894 --> 01:18:53.103
Nothing sexy.

1560
01:18:54.563 --> 01:18:55.606
Yeah. Sure.

1561
01:18:56.565 --> 01:18:58.692
I'm just happy
that I could help, you know?

1562
01:18:59.777 --> 01:19:00.819
Dex, he...

1563
01:19:02.112 --> 01:19:06.367
He's never really been concerned
about enthusiastic consent.

1564
01:19:06.450 --> 01:19:09.286
Just... I couldn't do much last time.

1565
01:19:09.370 --> 01:19:11.080
My friend, he was embarrassed, I think,

1566
01:19:11.163 --> 01:19:13.457
and didn't want us to talk about it,
so we didn't.

1567
01:19:13.540 --> 01:19:15.334
And Dex got to keep his image.

1568
01:19:15.793 --> 01:19:18.462
Yeah, well,
people will talk about it now.

1569
01:19:18.963 --> 01:19:20.339
I've got a real big mouth.

1570
01:19:20.422 --> 01:19:23.175
I don't know how things work in L. A.,
but in New York,

1571
01:19:23.259 --> 01:19:24.927
we've ostracized people for way less.

1572
01:19:25.636 --> 01:19:27.096
That's something, at least.

1573
01:19:30.182 --> 01:19:31.183
Hey, um...

1574
01:19:32.101 --> 01:19:34.687
Seriously, thank you. I owe you one.

1575
01:19:40.109 --> 01:19:41.819
<i>Time on Fire Island...</i>

1576
01:19:46.782 --> 01:19:49.535
<i>Sometimes it feels</i>
<i>like it stretches on forever.</i>

1577
01:19:56.333 --> 01:19:57.418
LUKE: Hey!

1578
01:19:58.168 --> 01:19:59.253
So, what happened?

1579
01:20:00.170 --> 01:20:01.338
I'll be up in a minute.

1580
01:20:02.089 --> 01:20:03.090
LUKE: Come on.

1581
01:20:06.677 --> 01:20:07.928
Sure you don't wanna come up?

1582
01:20:08.012 --> 01:20:11.432
Yeah, no,
I'm not very good at parties. So...

1583
01:20:11.515 --> 01:20:14.268
-What? You're not good at parties?
-Uh...

1584
01:20:14.768 --> 01:20:16.937
-Not Will! No.
-All right.

1585
01:20:17.021 --> 01:20:19.732
-Not good at parties? What?
-Calm down. (CHUCKLES)

1586
01:20:31.618 --> 01:20:33.162
So I pushed him in the pool,

1587
01:20:33.245 --> 01:20:35.331
and he looked up at me
and said, "I love you."

1588
01:20:35.414 --> 01:20:37.666
And I said,
"You don't know what love is."

1589
01:20:37.750 --> 01:20:39.460
And then I realized, "You're ugly."

1590
01:20:39.543 --> 01:20:41.754
Can't believe
you're letting him tell your story.

1591
01:20:41.837 --> 01:20:45.299
Yeah, I think this is just
his way of processing things.

1592
01:20:46.800 --> 01:20:47.968
Where did Will go?

1593
01:20:48.427 --> 01:20:49.553
Why would I know that?

1594
01:20:49.636 --> 01:20:52.306
You don't have to do this.
You don't have to worry about me.

1595
01:20:52.389 --> 01:20:54.183
You can fuck whoever you want.

1596
01:20:54.266 --> 01:20:57.311
Okay, that is definitely
not what I am looking for.

1597
01:20:57.394 --> 01:21:00.147
And by the way,
I'm not done worrying about you.

1598
01:21:00.230 --> 01:21:02.858
If I hadn't pushed you,
literally pushed you, then...

1599
01:21:02.941 --> 01:21:05.736
I told you,
I'm fine with the Charlie of it all.

1600
01:21:05.819 --> 01:21:08.280
-And honestly...
-Are you talking about me?

1601
01:21:08.364 --> 01:21:10.824
No. We're talking
about our other friend Charlie.

1602
01:21:11.492 --> 01:21:13.452
He died in a fire.

1603
01:21:13.535 --> 01:21:14.912
It's really sad.

1604
01:21:15.162 --> 01:21:17.039
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

1605
01:21:17.289 --> 01:21:19.541
-Ignore him. Did you have fun?
-(CHUCKLES)

1606
01:21:19.708 --> 01:21:22.586
I did. Yes.
We don't usually go to karaoke.

1607
01:21:22.753 --> 01:21:27.633
Just the parties. So, I was glad
that you showed it to me before Rhys...

1608
01:21:27.716 --> 01:21:31.095
Choo-choo, where's my vodka soda?
Baby's thirsty.

1609
01:21:31.762 --> 01:21:32.763
Uh...

1610
01:21:32.846 --> 01:21:36.975
Sorry, you guys don't know each other.
Rhys, this is Howie and Noah.

1611
01:21:37.059 --> 01:21:40.270
Oh, my God, cute. Boyfriend twins!
It's like looking in a mirror.

1612
01:21:40.354 --> 01:21:42.189
CHARLIE: Sweetie,
they're not boyfriends.

1613
01:21:42.272 --> 01:21:43.941
Come on, let's go in and dance.

1614
01:21:44.024 --> 01:21:45.984
(WHISPERING) I'm horny, okay?

1615
01:21:46.777 --> 01:21:48.195
CHARLIE: I'll see you guys later?

1616
01:21:48.695 --> 01:21:50.280
-COOPER: Later, hons.
-CHARLIE: Bye.

1617
01:21:50.364 --> 01:21:53.867
Yeah, I'm gonna go to the bathroom
and scrub my eyeballs out.

1618
01:21:53.951 --> 01:21:55.702
Yeah, probably a good plan. Hey.

1619
01:21:57.037 --> 01:21:59.373
(BOTH MOUTHING)

1620
01:22:01.875 --> 01:22:03.669
You know what?
Actually, let's do it later.

1621
01:22:03.752 --> 01:22:04.878
No. We're doing it now.

1622
01:22:07.423 --> 01:22:08.590
-Hey.
-Hey.

1623
01:22:08.966 --> 01:22:11.093
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Hey. Um...

1624
01:22:11.385 --> 01:22:12.428
How are you doing?

1625
01:22:13.137 --> 01:22:15.681
Look, you did not have to do that
for me before.

1626
01:22:16.557 --> 01:22:17.641
Especially for me,

1627
01:22:17.724 --> 01:22:19.560
'cause I'm such a bitch
to you all the time.

1628
01:22:19.643 --> 01:22:22.104
I know we're friends,
but things are obviously different...

1629
01:22:22.187 --> 01:22:25.357
It's not even that we're friends, Luke.
We're more than that.

1630
01:22:25.441 --> 01:22:29.736
We're family, right?
Like, that means something to me.

1631
01:22:29.820 --> 01:22:31.321
Because you two and...

1632
01:22:31.405 --> 01:22:34.741
All you guys, you're, like, all I have.

1633
01:22:38.871 --> 01:22:42.124
Whatever. Are we gonna hug
and wrap this up? How does this end?

1634
01:22:42.207 --> 01:22:44.084
Why don't we get fucked up and dance?

1635
01:22:44.918 --> 01:22:46.712
Come on. You're gonna be okay.

1636
01:22:46.795 --> 01:22:48.213
LUKE: Oh, I am?

1637
01:22:48.297 --> 01:22:49.756
-Are we gonna hug?
-NOAH: No.

1638
01:22:52.634 --> 01:22:53.635
(GRUNTS)

1639
01:23:00.851 --> 01:23:01.852
What are you doing?

1640
01:23:04.021 --> 01:23:05.022
Don't be mad.

1641
01:23:06.482 --> 01:23:07.816
Howard.

1642
01:23:07.900 --> 01:23:11.528
I can't do it.
I can't stay and see him...

1643
01:23:12.654 --> 01:23:14.740
Or see them together like that.

1644
01:23:14.823 --> 01:23:17.367
Oh, my God. You cannot end
your vacation because of one guy.

1645
01:23:17.451 --> 01:23:21.663
It's not just about Charlie.
It's a lifetime of Charlies.

1646
01:23:23.207 --> 01:23:26.668
I'm 30 and I've never had a boyfriend.
I've never been in a relationship.

1647
01:23:26.752 --> 01:23:28.462
-I've never...
-We've been through this.

1648
01:23:28.545 --> 01:23:31.340
Monogamy was created by straight people
to make us less interesting.

1649
01:23:31.423 --> 01:23:35.427
Yeah, I've heard your TED talk.
Listen. Please.

1650
01:23:38.305 --> 01:23:39.306
Okay.

1651
01:23:45.812 --> 01:23:47.397
You're the only person I know

1652
01:23:48.357 --> 01:23:51.360
who understands
how shitty it can be sometimes

1653
01:23:52.486 --> 01:23:55.822
to feel unwanted like this.

1654
01:23:57.407 --> 01:23:59.993
And I'm so glad
that you've found a way to feel good

1655
01:24:00.077 --> 01:24:03.247
despite all the fucked-up shit
we deal with.

1656
01:24:03.705 --> 01:24:07.960
But you think that if you're vulnerable
for just one second,

1657
01:24:08.043 --> 01:24:10.254
that it's all gonna come crashing down.

1658
01:24:10.337 --> 01:24:15.425
And maybe that's true for you,
but it's not true for me.

1659
01:24:16.969 --> 01:24:18.595
I want to be vulnerable.

1660
01:24:19.638 --> 01:24:21.348
Even if it hurts.

1661
01:24:23.559 --> 01:24:26.520
Your rules, they don't work for me.

1662
01:24:27.813 --> 01:24:31.483
And honestly, I don't know
that they're working for you either.

1663
01:24:33.694 --> 01:24:35.696
So let me be sad about this,

1664
01:24:36.738 --> 01:24:40.826
and deal with it
and figure it out my own way.

1665
01:24:46.248 --> 01:24:48.959
Yeah, but my way you get to cum a bunch.

1666
01:24:49.042 --> 01:24:52.087
Oh, my God, I'm gonna masturbate
so much when I get home.

1667
01:24:53.630 --> 01:24:55.674
What the fuck... (SIGHS)

1668
01:24:56.133 --> 01:24:57.259
When are you leaving?

1669
01:24:57.926 --> 01:24:59.011
Five o'clock ferry.

1670
01:24:59.094 --> 01:25:02.097
Oh, my God, you couldn't even stay
for one last sunset?

1671
01:25:02.639 --> 01:25:05.350
This is the last time
we're gonna be in our home together.

1672
01:25:05.434 --> 01:25:08.061
Our friendship isn't just
limited to this island.

1673
01:25:08.604 --> 01:25:11.106
You know,
you've never come to visit me in S. F.

1674
01:25:11.189 --> 01:25:13.108
I'm not flying Spirit for you, bitch.

1675
01:25:13.191 --> 01:25:14.192
(SCOFFS)

1676
01:25:15.277 --> 01:25:16.278
(SNIFFLES)

1677
01:25:18.113 --> 01:25:19.823
-Does Charlie know?
-No.

1678
01:25:19.906 --> 01:25:22.159
Probably give me
another pity conversation.

1679
01:25:22.242 --> 01:25:25.662
And at this point, it would
make me feel even more pathetic.

1680
01:25:25.746 --> 01:25:27.039
Or he could,

1681
01:25:28.081 --> 01:25:30.667
you know, do one of those
pre-9/11 rom-com moves,

1682
01:25:30.751 --> 01:25:33.420
you know, where somebody
rushes through an airport

1683
01:25:33.503 --> 01:25:35.255
and stops you from getting on the plane.

1684
01:25:35.339 --> 01:25:38.759
And then, you kiss and it's awesome.

1685
01:25:38.967 --> 01:25:41.637
I thought you didn't want
the rom-com bullshit for me.

1686
01:25:42.095 --> 01:25:45.223
Babe, all I want is for you to be happy.

1687
01:25:46.058 --> 01:25:47.100
Always.

1688
01:25:50.103 --> 01:25:52.481
Promise me you won't tell Charlie.

1689
01:25:54.191 --> 01:25:55.192
I promise.

1690
01:25:56.151 --> 01:25:57.152
Charlie!

1691
01:25:57.235 --> 01:25:59.029
<i>I mean, you had to</i>
<i>see that coming, right?</i>

1692
01:25:59.112 --> 01:26:00.781
-Can we help you?
-Help me? Yeah.

1693
01:26:00.864 --> 01:26:03.033
You could get a new
fucking line, Braden. Jesus.

1694
01:26:03.241 --> 01:26:05.118
Wait, he's leaving? Why?

1695
01:26:05.202 --> 01:26:06.411
Do you need a hint?

1696
01:26:06.495 --> 01:26:09.956
Okay. Fair. Um, look, the timing of this
is just really shitty.

1697
01:26:10.040 --> 01:26:12.542
-Fuck the timing. Go and stop him.
-It's not that simple.

1698
01:26:12.626 --> 01:26:15.337
I've known Rhys
since before I came out, and I owe him.

1699
01:26:15.420 --> 01:26:19.174
Listen, I get it. I get your whole
nice guy schtick, all right?

1700
01:26:19.257 --> 01:26:22.469
But you have the chance
at something real with Howie.

1701
01:26:22.552 --> 01:26:24.888
Something great. I don't really get it.

1702
01:26:24.971 --> 01:26:27.224
But what the fuck do I know?
I've been wrong before.

1703
01:26:27.307 --> 01:26:28.558
I've been wrong a lot.

1704
01:26:29.017 --> 01:26:33.480
This week, especially,
about people and situations and...

1705
01:26:36.566 --> 01:26:39.820
Stuff, okay?
Maybe I was even wrong about you.

1706
01:26:39.903 --> 01:26:42.155
Maybe you're not the idiot
that I thought you were.

1707
01:26:42.239 --> 01:26:43.740
Prove me wrong. Go and do something,

1708
01:26:43.824 --> 01:26:46.118
because if you fuck this up,
it's game over.

1709
01:26:46.201 --> 01:26:48.870
-You won't get another shot.
-COOPER: What are you doing?

1710
01:26:48.954 --> 01:26:51.581
-CHARLIE: Howie's leaving.
-COOPER: Jesus. Are we still on this?

1711
01:26:51.665 --> 01:26:53.375
Nobody wants to fuck your friend.

1712
01:26:53.458 --> 01:26:56.378
Wait. You think Charlie
likes that little Asian guy?

1713
01:26:56.461 --> 01:26:58.797
-Rhys.
-I mean, come on. He's joking, right?

1714
01:26:58.880 --> 01:27:00.507
-You're the Amy Schumer one?
-Enough.

1715
01:27:00.590 --> 01:27:02.259
-RHYS: But...
-CHARLIE: I said, enough.

1716
01:27:02.342 --> 01:27:05.220
-What is wrong with you?
-Yeah, I think I get the gist.

1717
01:27:06.430 --> 01:27:08.432
-Noah, I'm sorry.
-You know what's funny?

1718
01:27:08.515 --> 01:27:10.058
I am the only person this week

1719
01:27:10.142 --> 01:27:12.561
who stopped to consider
whether you deserved him.

1720
01:27:14.312 --> 01:27:15.939
You were right about this place.

1721
01:27:20.777 --> 01:27:23.113
I'm sorry. What is happening?

1722
01:27:30.454 --> 01:27:32.038
It's just not right.

1723
01:27:32.122 --> 01:27:34.708
-HOWIE: You'll barely notice I'm gone.
-Not true.

1724
01:27:35.417 --> 01:27:37.335
(SIGHS) Where's Noah?

1725
01:27:37.419 --> 01:27:40.046
Probably taking one of Max's
little walks in the Meat Rack.

1726
01:27:40.130 --> 01:27:42.799
For your information,
I'm looking at constellations.

1727
01:27:42.883 --> 01:27:44.384
Oh, sweetie, give it a rest.

1728
01:27:44.468 --> 01:27:47.387
We all know you're getting
your ass ate in the dunes.

1729
01:27:47.471 --> 01:27:49.389
NOAH: Sorry. Sorry.

1730
01:27:50.015 --> 01:27:52.267
You know me. Always late for the ferry.

1731
01:27:52.851 --> 01:27:54.519
Are you sure this is how you wanna go?

1732
01:27:56.313 --> 01:27:57.397
Yeah. I am.

1733
01:28:01.568 --> 01:28:02.986
Promise I'll come visit you.

1734
01:28:06.156 --> 01:28:07.157
Okay.

1735
01:28:27.552 --> 01:28:29.471
(FERRY BLOWS HORN)

1736
01:28:33.433 --> 01:28:37.771
Why does this feel like...
Like the last summer here, like, ever?

1737
01:28:37.854 --> 01:28:39.481
'Cause it is, stupid. (KISSES)

1738
01:28:39.564 --> 01:28:40.857
Couldn't last forever.

1739
01:28:41.566 --> 01:28:43.235
Some things have to change.

1740
01:28:44.903 --> 01:28:46.822
Feels like
all the wrong stuff is changing.

1741
01:29:13.974 --> 01:29:14.975
So, what's our plan?

1742
01:29:15.058 --> 01:29:18.270
To sort of stand here sadly
in the direct sun all day, or...

1743
01:29:18.353 --> 01:29:20.105
You couldn't even give us a minute.

1744
01:29:20.188 --> 01:29:23.233
I know Howie. He would not want us
to sit here and mope on the dock.

1745
01:29:23.316 --> 01:29:25.819
He would want us
to do bumps of K by the pool.

1746
01:29:25.902 --> 01:29:27.237
-So let's go.
-Fuck!

1747
01:29:27.320 --> 01:29:29.364
Did he get on? Did I miss him?

1748
01:29:29.447 --> 01:29:32.117
-What the fuck are you doing here? Hi.
-Hey.

1749
01:29:32.200 --> 01:29:34.828
-I thought I could stop him.
-You fucked that one up, buddy.

1750
01:29:34.911 --> 01:29:38.790
-He's halfway to the mainland by now.
-So what should I do? Should I call him?

1751
01:29:38.874 --> 01:29:41.960
If you wanted to fix this,
you'd have to do something really big,

1752
01:29:42.043 --> 01:29:44.212
something colossally stupid.

1753
01:29:44.296 --> 01:29:45.297
Okay.

1754
01:29:46.214 --> 01:29:48.383
I'm not sure I know what that means.

1755
01:29:48.466 --> 01:29:50.635
I have an idea. Follow me.

1756
01:29:50.719 --> 01:29:51.887
NOAH: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1757
01:29:51.970 --> 01:29:53.138
What are you doing?

1758
01:29:53.221 --> 01:29:55.682
Something big. Something stupid.

1759
01:30:00.979 --> 01:30:03.148
I don't think
I wanna be implicated in this.

1760
01:30:03.231 --> 01:30:05.734
-(CLICKS TONGUE) Ah. Come on.
-(SIGHS)

1761
01:30:24.252 --> 01:30:25.503
ALL: (SHOUTING) Howie!

1762
01:30:25.587 --> 01:30:29.382
Howie! Howie! Howie!

1763
01:30:32.469 --> 01:30:34.012
(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

1764
01:30:42.187 --> 01:30:44.022
Don't look over there. Look over here.

1765
01:30:44.105 --> 01:30:46.691
-What am I gonna say when I get there?
-You'll figure it out.

1766
01:30:48.234 --> 01:30:49.235
(SIGHS)

1767
01:30:50.862 --> 01:30:53.114
NOAH: Whatever you do, stay on the dock.

1768
01:30:53.198 --> 01:30:55.033
HOWIE: I have a 6:15 train.

1769
01:30:55.116 --> 01:30:57.369
NOAH: I have a feeling
you'll wanna hear this.

1770
01:30:57.452 --> 01:30:58.954
HOWIE: Okay, but why all the flags?

1771
01:30:59.037 --> 01:31:00.246
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

1772
01:31:00.330 --> 01:31:02.791
Did you steal a water taxi?

1773
01:31:02.874 --> 01:31:05.543
We did. Yeah.
There's a really angry lesbian on there.

1774
01:31:05.627 --> 01:31:08.713
Uh, look, I need to say that I'm sorry.

1775
01:31:08.797 --> 01:31:11.174
I'm really, really sorry for everything.

1776
01:31:11.257 --> 01:31:12.509
It's fine, Charlie. I'm fine.

1777
01:31:12.592 --> 01:31:15.220
No, it's not. Everything with Rhys, I...

1778
01:31:15.303 --> 01:31:16.346
I wasn't thinking.

1779
01:31:16.429 --> 01:31:17.847
I thought that I had to...

1780
01:31:18.848 --> 01:31:21.476
It doesn't matter what I thought.
I was wrong.

1781
01:31:21.559 --> 01:31:23.895
Okay, Charlie,
this is your big rom-com moment.

1782
01:31:23.979 --> 01:31:25.939
You gotta do something big.
Something stupid.

1783
01:31:26.231 --> 01:31:27.273
I love you.

1784
01:31:27.357 --> 01:31:30.318
-ALL: Oh!
-No. Too big. Too stupid. Dial it back.

1785
01:31:30.402 --> 01:31:32.112
HOWIE: Yeah, it's a little weird.

1786
01:31:32.362 --> 01:31:36.241
-We're not really there yet.
-Yeah. Okay. All I'm trying to say is...

1787
01:31:37.742 --> 01:31:39.285
I don't know why this is so hard.

1788
01:31:39.369 --> 01:31:41.329
I gotta catch my shuttle
or I'll miss my train.

1789
01:31:41.413 --> 01:31:43.206
No, wait. Okay, look...

1790
01:31:46.001 --> 01:31:47.585
I just need you to know

1791
01:31:48.378 --> 01:31:51.464
how fucking incredible
I think that you are.

1792
01:31:53.008 --> 01:31:55.927
You are the most interesting man
I have ever met,

1793
01:31:56.803 --> 01:31:59.973
and the funniest, and you're beautiful.

1794
01:32:02.058 --> 01:32:04.561
And I really, really like you.

1795
01:32:07.397 --> 01:32:09.983
I just wanted you to know that
before you left.

1796
01:32:10.817 --> 01:32:12.235
And Noah said a bunch of stuff...

1797
01:32:12.318 --> 01:32:16.573
Oh, Jesus, please don't ever,
ever listen to Noah.

1798
01:32:17.824 --> 01:32:18.867
Now you tell me.

1799
01:32:22.287 --> 01:32:24.622
You actually stole a boat for me?

1800
01:32:25.248 --> 01:32:27.208
I actually stole a boat for you.

1801
01:32:29.878 --> 01:32:31.212
(ALL CHEERING)

1802
01:32:45.643 --> 01:32:48.730
Okay, can we go to Cherry Grove now?

1803
01:32:48.813 --> 01:32:51.024
We will get there when we get there.

1804
01:33:02.744 --> 01:33:03.745
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1805
01:33:20.220 --> 01:33:23.264
NOAH: <i>This whole time</i>
<i>we were so worried about the house,</i>

1806
01:33:24.557 --> 01:33:27.310
<i>but it's never been about the house.</i>

1807
01:33:29.562 --> 01:33:31.314
<i>It's always been about the people.</i>

1808
01:33:32.440 --> 01:33:33.525
<i>We'll be fine.</i>

1809
01:33:34.984 --> 01:33:36.236
<i>We'll make new memories.</i>

1810
01:33:38.238 --> 01:33:39.656
<i>But when I look back on the years</i>

1811
01:33:39.739 --> 01:33:42.075
<i>I got to spend with my family</i>
<i>on Fire Island...</i>

1812
01:33:45.995 --> 01:33:47.372
<i>This is what I'll remember.</i>

1813
01:33:47.455 --> 01:33:49.165
(INAUDIBLE)

1814
01:34:08.643 --> 01:34:10.562
(NOAH BREATHES DEEPLY)

1815
01:34:12.355 --> 01:34:13.690
Today was a lot.

1816
01:34:13.773 --> 01:34:15.567
(BOTH LAUGH)

1817
01:34:16.484 --> 01:34:17.527
WILL: Yeah.

1818
01:34:18.486 --> 01:34:21.906
All that drama for what?
Somebody you met five days ago.

1819
01:34:21.990 --> 01:34:24.617
Yeah, 'cause, I mean, what happens now?

1820
01:34:24.701 --> 01:34:27.495
Howie goes back to S. F.,
the Pines bubble bursts.

1821
01:34:27.871 --> 01:34:30.206
Then six months from now,
they'll probably just be...

1822
01:34:30.290 --> 01:34:31.374
In love.

1823
01:34:32.792 --> 01:34:34.711
Maybe even happy.

1824
01:34:37.755 --> 01:34:40.258
Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.

1825
01:34:40.341 --> 01:34:41.342
(CHUCKLES)

1826
01:34:41.634 --> 01:34:45.054
You know, I think that's what
Howie always wanted out of these trips.

1827
01:34:45.138 --> 01:34:48.808
Come out here,
meet some vacation boyfriend.

1828
01:34:48.892 --> 01:34:50.643
Lug him back to the real world.

1829
01:34:54.314 --> 01:34:55.440
What about you?

1830
01:34:57.358 --> 01:34:58.484
What do you want?

1831
01:35:01.821 --> 01:35:03.948
You know, it's so weird, I...

1832
01:35:04.032 --> 01:35:07.243
My whole life, I felt like
I've had everything figured out,

1833
01:35:07.327 --> 01:35:08.745
everybody,

1834
01:35:08.828 --> 01:35:12.624
and then I come out here and I just
keep getting thrown, you know?

1835
01:35:12.707 --> 01:35:16.419
It's like, God, have I been wrong
about everything this week?

1836
01:35:17.837 --> 01:35:20.965
It feels longer, doesn't it?
It's like time works...

1837
01:35:21.716 --> 01:35:23.384
It just works differently here.

1838
01:35:24.010 --> 01:35:25.762
Does that sound crazy?

1839
01:35:28.056 --> 01:35:29.057
Little bit.

1840
01:35:32.352 --> 01:35:34.062
What about you? What do you want?

1841
01:35:34.771 --> 01:35:37.065
You probably want
some gay marriage nightmare.

1842
01:35:37.273 --> 01:35:39.776
Joint Instagram accounts,
a French bulldog.

1843
01:35:39.859 --> 01:35:40.985
God, no! It's...

1844
01:35:41.986 --> 01:35:43.696
I don't think monogamy is for me.

1845
01:35:46.324 --> 01:35:47.825
Yeah. I mean, same.

1846
01:35:49.494 --> 01:35:51.162
And I don't really like dogs.

1847
01:35:51.246 --> 01:35:52.664
(CHUCKLES)

1848
01:35:54.332 --> 01:35:56.626
Okay. So, what do you want?

1849
01:36:02.674 --> 01:36:03.716
I want that.

1850
01:36:10.306 --> 01:36:12.934
All right. You asked me what I wanted.

1851
01:36:13.017 --> 01:36:15.061
-Dance with me.
-What?

1852
01:36:15.144 --> 01:36:17.397
You've already run away
from me once this week.

1853
01:36:17.480 --> 01:36:20.858
I don't know if my pride could handle it
if it happened again.

1854
01:36:20.942 --> 01:36:22.026
-Will.
-Noah.

1855
01:36:23.194 --> 01:36:25.780
Listen, I just, um...
I really like my freedom.

1856
01:36:25.863 --> 01:36:27.490
That's like a big thing with me.

1857
01:36:27.573 --> 01:36:30.576
And I just, I'm doing
really, really, really well on my own

1858
01:36:30.660 --> 01:36:32.912
and the whole
falling-in-love-with-romance thing

1859
01:36:32.996 --> 01:36:35.581
is really stupid. And,
of course, we'd have great sex.

1860
01:36:35.665 --> 01:36:38.167
I mean, look at us. But the...
I'm not right for you.

1861
01:36:38.251 --> 01:36:41.087
And you're definitely
not right for me and it...

1862
01:36:41.170 --> 01:36:42.380
Hey, it's just a dance.

1863
01:36:43.589 --> 01:36:44.674
Yeah, but then what?

1864
01:36:45.633 --> 01:36:46.801
Guess we'll find out.

1865
01:36:50.596 --> 01:36:51.597
Okay.

1866
01:36:54.892 --> 01:36:55.893
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

1867
01:36:55.977 --> 01:36:57.687
(SLOW DISCO MUSIC INTRO PLAYING)

1868
01:37:45.860 --> 01:37:52.825
<i>'Cause when I'm bad, I'm so, so bad...</i>

1869
01:37:52.992 --> 01:37:56.329
HOWIE: Excuse me.
I need a moment with my sister.

1870
01:37:56.829 --> 01:37:58.247
-Of course.
-(BOTH LAUGH)

1871
01:37:58.331 --> 01:38:00.124
(DISCO MUSIC TEMPO QUICKENS)

1872
01:38:00.208 --> 01:38:02.543
(ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING)

1873
01:38:16.432 --> 01:38:18.059
ALL: Do it!

1874
01:38:18.184 --> 01:38:19.769
(ALL CHEER AND LAUGH)

1875
01:39:04.439 --> 01:39:09.235
(VOCALIZING)

1876
01:44:14.415 --> 01:44:16.584
-NOAH: <i>Guys. Look alive. It's happening.</i>
-ERIN: <i>Oh!</i>

1877
01:44:16.751 --> 01:44:18.002
-LUKE: <i>Okay.</i>
-NOAH: <i>All right.</i>

1878
01:44:18.085 --> 01:44:21.756
ALL: <i>Ten! Nine! Eight!</i>

1879
01:44:21.839 --> 01:44:25.593
<i>Seven! Six! Five!</i>

1880
01:44:25.676 --> 01:44:26.802
LUKE: <i>Five!</i>

1881
01:44:26.886 --> 01:44:29.138
ALL: <i>Four!</i>

1882
01:44:29.221 --> 01:44:31.932
<i>Three!</i>

1883
01:44:32.433 --> 01:44:35.728
<i>Two!</i>

1884
01:44:35.811 --> 01:44:37.605
<i>One!</i>

1885
01:44:37.688 --> 01:44:38.814
<i>One-point-five.</i>

1886
01:44:38.898 --> 01:44:41.859
<i>-One-point-five.</i>
<i>-One-point-five.</i>

1887
01:44:41.942 --> 01:44:44.320
<i>One.</i>

1888
01:44:44.403 --> 01:44:48.449
<i>Point nine, point eight,</i>

1889
01:44:48.532 --> 01:44:52.161
<i>point seven, point six, point five,</i>
<i>point four, point three...</i>

1890
01:44:52.244 --> 01:44:54.079
(ALL CHEERING)

1891
01:44:55.539 --> 01:44:58.959
NOAH: <i>Oh, my God. Flawless countdown.</i>

1892
01:44:59.043 --> 01:45:01.921
-KEEGAN: <i>She does the job every day.</i>
-NOAH: <i>You're welcome, everyone.</i>