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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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‎NETFLIX 喜劇特輯

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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‎女士和先生們
‎今晚能來這兒是我的榮幸

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‎我想特別說一下…

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‎你們是我這輩子
‎見過最漂亮的觀眾

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‎你們這群黑人來看…

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‎我指的黑人…

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‎是指所有人

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‎今晚這裡有白人觀眾嗎？

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‎讓我聽見你們的聲音！

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‎瞧黑人傻眼的表情
‎“啥？”

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‎非常有感染力

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‎來到現場的可都是佼佼者

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‎西班牙裔的朋友在哪？
‎拉丁裔的觀眾在哪？

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‎大家都知道外頭的病毒
‎殺人不眨眼

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‎今晚一定很特別
‎才會邀請我來

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‎讓我來看看有多特別

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‎現場的女性在哪？
‎讓我聽見妳們的聲音

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‎現場的女性們！

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‎你們也有聞到嗎？
‎我聞到很多健康的子宮

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‎非常高濃度的雌激素

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‎我擁有最棒的觀眾
‎必須的

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‎全球肆虐的疫情
‎使你必須調整生活型態

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‎你想念家人們

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‎你們就是我家人

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‎十年舊照挑戰
‎我都沒看到這個慘況

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‎這還是真實的世界嗎？

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‎這慘況瘋狂到
‎都不知道該相信什麼

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‎甚至連捏造陰謀論都免了

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‎事情的真相已經夠扯了

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‎對大家來說

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‎根本不知道該相信什麼

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‎現場有人打了三劑疫苗
‎還加一劑加強針！

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‎但下個變異株
‎還是讓你怕得要死

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‎我們無所適從

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‎十年前我們還說
‎不能讓病毒指手畫腳

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‎全世界的醫生
‎都叫我們去打疫苗

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‎這些卑鄙小人
‎連醫生都不讓我們看

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‎我敢說所有疫苗
‎都來自抗疫專家佛奇醫生

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‎他是我們唯一見得到的醫生！

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‎別誤會
‎我對疫苗一點意見都沒有

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‎我並不排斥打疫苗

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‎帶我家狗去看獸醫時
‎牠打什麼我就打什麼

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‎牠打狂犬病疫苗 我也是
‎搞清楚 牠可是我死黨

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‎我也會像牠一樣亂咬人

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‎這個世界瘋了
‎還有什麼是可信的

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‎真相跟杜撰小說一樣離奇

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‎塔可貝爾…

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‎竟然在賣雞翅

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‎這可是令人大開眼界啊！

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‎給你當頭一棒

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‎你們扒開鴿子的小翅膀

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‎把麥克雞柳條吃乾抹淨

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‎天知道還有什麼事可信

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‎世風就是如此

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‎也許不知道該相信什麼

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‎真相跟杜撰小說一樣離奇
‎他們什麼也不說

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‎他們不會說
‎溫蒂威廉斯是大腳怪

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‎她是大腳怪耶！

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‎每次電視上看不到她的時候

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‎就會出現大腳怪

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‎真相總會大白
‎等著看吧

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‎他們會全盤托出

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‎所以才叫第三次世界大戰

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‎因為現下有一堆戰爭在打

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‎但他們什麼都不說

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‎我們連雙方的立場都不知道

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‎繼續打仗

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‎幸好對我們來說很簡單
‎一點都不複雜

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‎放輕鬆 白人們

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‎這次跟種族無關

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‎跟金錢也無關

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‎無關

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‎這次是謊言決戰真相

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‎就這麼簡單
‎謊言決戰真相

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‎謊言決戰真相

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‎謊言…

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‎我不會告訴你該站哪一邊

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‎僅告知你兩邊的立場

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‎看好了
‎真相愛好者在哪？

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‎愛真相的話
‎就讓我聽到你們的聲音

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‎看看這些真相愛好者
‎來勢洶洶

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‎保留你的精力

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‎別耗光了

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‎真相愛好者看好了

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‎愛說謊的現場觀眾在哪？
‎讓我聽見騙子們的聲音

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‎耶！

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‎瞧那些真相愛好者
‎“啥？我以為他們不會承認”

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‎騙子可以為所欲為

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‎別忘了
‎凡事總是一體兩面

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‎即使是敵人也有可敬之處

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‎其中一面並不尊敬

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‎真相愛好者
‎對謊言不屑一顧

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‎他們會說

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‎“真相擺在眼前
‎我才不管你說什麼”

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‎而當你告訴他們謊言
‎連聽都不屑聽

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‎胡扯

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‎騙子才是玩轉世界的人

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‎你們最好放尊重些

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‎騙子才是玩轉世界的人
‎每當有人說謊時

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‎一百萬個人說謊
‎就賺了一百萬元

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‎猜猜看是誰買單？

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‎所有不知道這是謊言的人
‎才會買單

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‎沒錯 這些人對著我們說謊
‎不是少部分的人

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‎瞧那些白人
‎“跟我們無關”

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‎是全部的人

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‎他們對我們說謊

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‎他們說

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‎雞翅短缺

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‎所有種族、信仰、性別
‎和秉持不同教條的人都全體同意

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‎“他們確實說了”

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‎他們說

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‎雞翅短缺

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‎與我們多愛吃雞肉無關

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‎我們沒有上街暴動

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‎沒有放火燒漢堡店

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‎就單純地信了

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‎但騙子總會留下線索

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‎以為自己比事實上還聰明

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‎他們說：“雞翅短缺了”

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‎有發現他們說的
‎不是雞隻短缺嗎？

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‎他們說是雞翅短缺

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‎而不是…

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‎雞隻短缺

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‎我知道有些人
‎不是在農場長大的

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‎也許不是天天看得到雞

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‎但請在腦中想像一下
‎雞的樣子

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‎如果騙子有辦法說服你

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‎可不會見好就收
‎他們絕對會乘勝追擊

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‎即使你知道他們在說謊
‎也會繼續胡扯

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‎邏輯上一點都說不通

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‎他們說雞翅短缺…

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‎但有很多雞腿

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‎這麼多雞腿又是哪來的呢？

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‎我不是農夫

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‎也不是科學家
‎但我敢說

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‎所有的雞翅都來自雞

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‎雞有兩個翅膀、兩條腿

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‎所以不要跟我扯
‎你有一堆雞腿

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‎天殺的你是從哪隻蜘蛛身上
‎取得這麼多雞腿？

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‎很多人相信上帝

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‎也有很多人相信科學

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‎我兩者皆信

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‎科學和上帝都做了貢獻

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‎科學也許胡扯了很多事情
‎但上帝創造了雞

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‎你無法否認上帝創造了雞

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‎因為全世界都有雞

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‎那絕對是上帝的作為

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‎誰不喜歡吃雞肉？

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‎瞧那些純素者 “只有我們耶”

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‎上帝創造了雞

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‎雞隻在哪都不安全

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‎每當雞隻涉足某個地方

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‎就會有人想要把雞生吞活剝

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‎在中國、法國、歐洲
‎和密西西比州

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‎這絕對是上帝的作為

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‎因為雞是世界上

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‎最美味的鳥類！

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‎還不會飛走

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‎因為上帝愛你

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‎如果雞會飛的話
‎現場有一半的觀眾

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‎早就餓死了…

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‎兩塊雞得自己抓的話
‎你早就掛了

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‎想像你站在後院裡…

166
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‎“那是我的辣味全家餐
‎不能再讓機會溜走了”

167
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‎話說回來…

168
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,925
‎我想表達的是主動去查證

169
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‎以前的世界
‎人們值得信任

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‎專業的權威人士
‎贏得我們的信任

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‎相信他們
‎會為人民做出正確的決定

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‎那個理想世界已滅

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‎已不復存在

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‎你到底在說什麼?

175
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‎他們要我們去做毫無道理的事

176
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‎這也是為何我不再談論政治

177
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‎根本無話可談

178
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‎兩邊都是傻蛋我要怎麼選？

179
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‎我連介入都不想！

180
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‎這是什麼鬼東西？

181
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,008
‎這是美國的現況

182
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‎上一任根本沒人要

183
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:33,938
‎十年前有些小妞的約會對象
‎是大尾的黑幫份子

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‎十年後
‎妳與銀行出納員坐在這裡

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‎穿著打扮像是在銀行上班一樣

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‎這是現在國內的情況

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‎我們一點都不在乎
‎別給我們上一任就好

188
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‎我們換走了一個荒唐
‎精神錯亂、瘋癲的神經病

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‎我們把他換走

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‎換來的是《老闆渡假去》的荒唐情節

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00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:11,642
‎♪這是什麼鬼？♪

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00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,436
‎♪我就是這樣踩著黑人上位♪

193
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,108
‎瞎爆了

194
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,778
‎不能盡信他人之言

195
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,614
‎這真的太荒唐了

196
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:28,284
‎你們這些惡毒的人類

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00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,703
‎對人漠不關心

198
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:35,624
‎攻擊喬拜登的人
‎讓我很反感

199
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,544
‎“喬需要振作點”

200
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,423
‎“喬醒醒啊”

201
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,845
‎“喬布蘭登加油”

202
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,267
‎你們這些人是想怎樣？

203
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,269
‎是誰把你養大的？

204
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:01,442
‎喬拜登已經高齡96歲了耶

205
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,155
‎是你們給這位老伯職位的好嗎

206
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:11,327
‎是你們讓這位曾祖父當選的好嗎

207
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,915
‎然後又要人家振作點

208
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:21,253
‎喬拜登已經使出渾身解數了好嗎

209
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,632
‎他已經高齡97歲了耶

210
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,347
‎人們使勁地攻擊他

211
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,391
‎“我不喜歡他從阿富汗撤軍的方式”

212
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:38,938
‎不然你要高齡98歲的老人家
‎怎麼撤軍？

213
00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:44,276
‎神速又無聲是吧？

214
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,614
‎所以喬拜登才會決定
‎以這種方式撤軍阿富汗

215
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,459
‎喬已經盡力了好嗎

216
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:06,090
‎別再攻擊他了
‎他已經高齡99歲了

217
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,722
‎如果你的曾祖父還健在

218
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,308
‎現在打電話問他

219
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,895
‎他明天能不能開12個記者會

220
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,231
‎他辦不到啦

221
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,072
‎喬已經盡力了

222
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,451
‎他每個記者會都有出席

223
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,162
‎你可以盡情提問

224
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,624
‎但他只會回答…

225
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,339
‎一半的問題

226
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:52,970
‎他才不會告訴你
‎他何時要從最近的出口離開

227
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,515
‎通常會問：“喬…

228
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,061
‎美國甫經歷過惡劣的颶風季節

229
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:06,859
‎是否能針對颶風的議題
‎慰問一下美國同胞呢”

230
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,360
‎喬會說…

231
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:10,821
‎“謝謝你的問題

232
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:15,075
‎我想對全美颶風的受災家庭說

233
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:18,120
‎我們的心與他們同在
‎並為他們祈禱

234
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,414
‎現在許多美国人民為抵抗颶風

235
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:23,000
‎都在打疫苗”

236
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:26,837
‎♪這是什麼鬼？♪

237
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,644
‎瞎爆了

238
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,317
‎太多鳥事了

239
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,320
‎喬身邊的人也盡力了

240
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,365
‎每天早上他們要對喬說：
‎“喬今天…

241
00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:59,286
‎甚麼都別說”

242
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,168
‎“不行 我想告訴美國人民”

243
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,463
‎我超愛的

244
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,218
‎也正因如此
‎才會發現副總統是黑人女性

245
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,680
‎任何地方都看不到她

246
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:25,854
‎她不在購物中心
‎也不在夜店

247
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,856
‎她在白宮的房間裡

248
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,534
‎太多鳥事了

249
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,537
‎瞎爆了

250
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,666
‎全都跟謊言和真相有關

251
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,043
‎只能見招拆招

252
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:51,880
‎他們才不想告訴我們真相

253
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,006
‎一點都不

254
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:57,386
‎有注意到他們連毒品之戰
‎都不談了嗎？

255
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,849
‎你以為是因為無戰可論嗎？

256
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:04,351
‎還是毒品都不見了？

257
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,899
‎他們什麼事都不說！

258
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,403
‎連毒品也不談了

259
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,072
‎因為史上第一次…

260
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:18,991
‎黑人…

261
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,243
‎不製造毒品了

262
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,788
‎瞧那些白人 “啥？”

263
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,542
‎沒錯

264
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,878
‎沒錯
‎我知道白人

265
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,130
‎不相信我說的話

266
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:39,136
‎讓我來告訴你一個
‎出乎意料的統計數據

267
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,222
‎沒有黑人

268
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,641
‎在生產吩坦尼止痛藥

269
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:56,403
‎瞧那些白人 “啥？”

270
00:19:58,822 --> 00:19:59,656
‎沒錯

271
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,950
‎白人們相信吧

272
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:05,162
‎如果黑人們白白送死
‎我們會注意到

273
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,376
‎我查過吩坦尼止痛藥
‎這玩意兒危險的不得了

274
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,631
‎我問：“你是怎麼掛的？”
‎他們說：“你摸啊”

275
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,886
‎所以我才知道
‎黑人沒有攪和進去

276
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:24,681
‎黑人買東西之前
‎都要摸摸看

277
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,143
‎結果黑人
‎都在買東西的時候掛點

278
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,233
‎他的遺言就是：“就是它”

279
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:39,863
‎沒錯

280
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,616
‎當局的情況很荒唐

281
00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:45,410
‎連毒品都不想談

282
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,663
‎也不談類鴉片藥物危機

283
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,998
‎藥物卻充斥著每個社區

284
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,417
‎每個人都有偏好的藥物

285
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:56,713
‎當人陷入困境

286
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,884
‎每個人都有自己的首選藥物

287
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:04,346
‎但眼前的類鴉片危機
‎卻無人問津

288
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,555
‎知道原因嗎？

289
00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:08,809
‎因為沒人會因為藥物而坐牢

290
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:12,688
‎不需要搜房子
‎也不需要對人進行調查

291
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:17,317
‎知道原因嗎？
‎因為藥頭就是你的醫生

292
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,698
‎黑人臉上都寫著
‎“是佛奇醫生嗎？”

293
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,909
‎他才不是你的醫生

294
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:30,372
‎不要在把他的名字寫在保單上了

295
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,168
‎“我只信任他”

296
00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,049
‎他們什麼都不說

297
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,551
‎如果真要對我們說謊

298
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,720
‎才不會什麼都不說

299
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:50,392
‎有注意到他們從沒說過
‎冰毒是哪來的嗎？

300
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:52,894
‎他們搞的像是
‎從拖車公園來的

301
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,940
‎那可是目前已知
‎最強效的藥物

302
00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:57,983
‎阿門

303
00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,360
‎可沒藥物會讓牙齒
‎感到癢癢的

304
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:07,367
‎我壓根兒沒想過牙齒會癢

305
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,580
‎你只是在抓爆你的嘴巴而已

306
00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,337
‎他們不希望你知道太多

307
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:20,547
‎關於冰毒的資訊

308
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:25,427
‎你再猜猜看
‎第一個發現並分配出去

309
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:27,304
‎還參與生產的人是誰？

310
00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:29,723
‎我們都耳熟能詳的一號人物

311
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:31,767
‎阿道夫希特勒

312
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:34,186
‎啥？

313
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,355
‎書上怎麼沒寫？

314
00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:45,072
‎他們說納粹
‎是世上最恐怖的軍隊

315
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,867
‎但從未提到原因

316
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:52,079
‎納粹不只生產冰毒

317
00:22:53,121 --> 00:22:56,291
‎還分配給自己人

318
00:22:57,250 --> 00:22:58,752
‎每天食用

319
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:02,672
‎放在巧克力、咖啡和茶裡

320
00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:07,052
‎想跟納粹硬碰硬，你就來啊

321
00:23:08,553 --> 00:23:12,015
‎這可是一支不吃不喝

322
00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:15,310
‎也不睡的軍隊

323
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:19,397
‎只要還能抓爆癢癢的牙齒

324
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,905
‎與納粹作戰時，你往遠方看

325
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:31,159
‎距離還有1200多千米

326
00:23:32,410 --> 00:23:35,330
‎大概三天後會交鋒

327
00:23:36,206 --> 00:23:38,083
‎你睡了一覺

328
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:42,254
‎隔天起來就軍臨門前

329
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:45,173
‎出現在門前的監視器畫面

330
00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:58,562
‎他們隻字不談

331
00:24:00,188 --> 00:24:01,481
‎對社會大眾滿口謊言

332
00:24:03,191 --> 00:24:07,571
‎他們選擇說謊
‎因為有時真相往往是醜陋的

333
00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:12,409
‎有時真相會帶來傷痛

334
00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:15,579
‎但若你熱愛真相
‎這可是真相耶

335
00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:18,707
‎但我們都被騙了

336
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,334
‎瞧那些基督徒 “我們才不會被騙”

337
00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:27,340
‎沒錯
‎我們都被騙了

338
00:24:29,217 --> 00:24:31,553
‎以前你可以信任基督徒

339
00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:34,973
‎會在四處佈滿警語

340
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,310
‎連你不需要的時候也一樣

341
00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:40,645
‎滿街上都是

342
00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:42,439
‎“末日近了！”

343
00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:49,988
‎現在基督徒隻字不提

344
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:53,283
‎外頭有場貨真價實的瘟疫

345
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:57,329
‎像喬拜登一樣的基督徒
‎每個周日都會上教堂

346
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:06,046
‎真相是我們都被騙了

347
00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:07,964
‎基督徒也不例外

348
00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:10,050
‎每個人都被騙了

349
00:25:10,133 --> 00:25:12,636
‎因為他們不希望你知道真相

350
00:25:12,719 --> 00:25:14,763
‎也許你會自我感覺良好

351
00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:17,140
‎或者

352
00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:22,103
‎他們知道告訴了你
‎你會無法承受

353
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:24,022
‎這可是真相

354
00:25:24,105 --> 00:25:26,775
‎他們建造了伊甸園

355
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,612
‎毀謗了全能的主

356
00:25:31,738 --> 00:25:33,698
‎談論禁忌的蘋果樹

357
00:25:35,909 --> 00:25:38,119
‎他們自己還把蘋果吃了

358
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:41,831
‎別亂說 我的上帝
‎才不會亂拿果實開玩笑

359
00:25:41,915 --> 00:25:43,083
‎搞什麼？

360
00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:47,587
‎你把上帝說得像是
‎把人類的命運

361
00:25:48,338 --> 00:25:50,674
‎全繫在一顆果實上？

362
00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:53,635
‎如果上帝不希望你吃的話

363
00:25:55,262 --> 00:25:57,138
‎就不會製造果實

364
00:25:59,182 --> 00:26:03,019
‎他們只是在掩飾謊言
‎因為真相太令人痛苦

365
00:26:03,103 --> 00:26:05,438
‎才沒有什麼蘋果樹

366
00:26:06,731 --> 00:26:08,692
‎你就是那棵樹
‎這就是那棵樹

367
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:12,070
‎你就是那棵樹

368
00:26:12,153 --> 00:26:17,867
‎瞭了嗎？如果你是棵樹
‎那果實在哪？

369
00:26:19,494 --> 00:26:20,704
‎果實就在這

370
00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:22,622
‎如果這是棵樹…

371
00:26:23,623 --> 00:26:24,791
‎果實就在這

372
00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:28,128
‎寓意就是…

373
00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:31,006
‎果實不要亂碰

374
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:38,930
‎他們也騙了基督徒

375
00:26:39,014 --> 00:26:41,933
‎編造了一堆宗教故事
‎因為他們不希望

376
00:26:42,017 --> 00:26:44,519
‎讓你知道真相
‎因為真相會帶來痛苦

377
00:26:44,602 --> 00:26:47,314
‎真相就是你媽是個騷貨

378
00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:54,654
‎瞧那些基督徒
‎“卡特夠了哦”

379
00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:01,244
‎沒錯

380
00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:04,372
‎這就是創世紀的故事

381
00:27:06,249 --> 00:27:07,584
‎你媽是個騷貨

382
00:27:08,501 --> 00:27:11,379
‎還是不願相信我嗎？
‎“不願意！”

383
00:27:12,297 --> 00:27:15,008
‎沒錯
‎說的就是那位…

384
00:27:15,842 --> 00:27:17,886
‎在上帝面前跟男人和蛇

385
00:27:19,095 --> 00:27:20,430
‎吃禁果的女人！

386
00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:24,601
‎她就是在街頭混的女人…

387
00:27:26,519 --> 00:27:29,689
‎五千年前
‎街道還沒出現就有她了

388
00:27:37,072 --> 00:27:39,407
‎你認為這個世界

389
00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:41,201
‎因為果實而毀了

390
00:27:41,785 --> 00:27:43,119
‎其實並不然

391
00:27:44,454 --> 00:27:47,290
‎亞當是上帝的兒子

392
00:27:48,291 --> 00:27:49,876
‎那夏娃又是哪位？

393
00:27:51,711 --> 00:27:54,297
‎她不是他的妻子
‎更不是女朋友

394
00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:56,216
‎她可是上帝的女兒

395
00:27:57,342 --> 00:27:58,802
‎搞屁啊？

396
00:28:00,637 --> 00:28:02,389
‎那可是亂倫耶

397
00:28:04,140 --> 00:28:05,809
‎這要怎麼撥亂反正

398
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:09,938
‎不然你以為這兩個白目
‎為何會被逐出花園

399
00:28:13,733 --> 00:28:16,486
‎僅憑他們二人
‎就達到關係的巔峰了

400
00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:25,078
‎所以我說我們全被騙了

401
00:28:25,578 --> 00:28:27,747
‎任何一點消息都不給

402
00:28:28,998 --> 00:28:33,378
‎我們已經登上太空中三百顆行星
‎三百顆！

403
00:28:34,212 --> 00:28:39,884
‎去過地球、月亮
‎再加三百顆行星！

404
00:28:43,096 --> 00:28:44,305
‎都去過了

405
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:48,643
‎有注意到太空人
‎從沒帶伴手禮回來嗎？

406
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,692
‎這裡面有內幕，不希望我們知道

407
00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:59,654
‎在地球上，我們對進化論瞭如指掌

408
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:02,157
‎誰不知道進化論？
‎我們對演化熟到不行

409
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,410
‎我們知道生命自會找到出路

410
00:29:06,077 --> 00:29:07,829
‎生命從小萌芽

411
00:29:08,705 --> 00:29:13,251
‎然後越長越大，越變越強

412
00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:15,003
‎這就是進化論

413
00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:18,339
‎我們已經去過三百顆行星了

414
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,175
‎你知道嗎？

415
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,719
‎那才不是進化

416
00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:27,974
‎行星上一點進化都沒有！

417
00:29:28,933 --> 00:29:32,103
‎一個都沒有 就連渺小、極小
‎“小到不行”都沒有

418
00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:34,856
‎只有石頭和灰塵

419
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:37,734
‎沒錯，每個行星都一樣

420
00:29:38,234 --> 00:29:42,739
‎因為他們找到了
‎全宇宙最珍貴的兩個東西

421
00:29:42,822 --> 00:29:46,534
‎除了上帝外
‎全宇宙還有兩個最珍貴的東西

422
00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:48,787
‎就是水

423
00:29:49,954 --> 00:29:50,955
‎還有鮑魚

424
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:58,046
‎瞧那些女人
‎“我有其中一個呢”

425
00:29:59,547 --> 00:30:02,634
‎瞧那些拉斯維加斯的專業舞孃
‎“我兩個都有呢”

426
00:30:04,969 --> 00:30:07,388
‎沒錯，他們才不希望你知道這些事

427
00:30:08,097 --> 00:30:10,099
‎世上沒有事情能媲美

428
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:14,521
‎除了上帝之外，就是水和鮑魚

429
00:30:15,438 --> 00:30:17,690
‎為什麼？
‎因為它们不是科學創造出來的

430
00:30:18,399 --> 00:30:19,692
‎是上帝創造出來的

431
00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:23,071
‎知道為什麼水是上帝創造的
‎而不是科學嗎？

432
00:30:24,113 --> 00:30:28,243
‎水是全宇宙唯一即使你知道配方…

433
00:30:29,369 --> 00:30:30,912
‎你卻創造不出來的東西

434
00:30:35,416 --> 00:30:38,086
‎“為後排的人再說一次，卡特”

435
00:30:40,213 --> 00:30:41,089
‎好哦

436
00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:47,470
‎想做任何東西，只要有配方就行

437
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,473
‎一拿到配方

438
00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:52,141
‎想做多少就做多少

439
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:54,853
‎但水不行

440
00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:56,479
‎這是上帝創造的

441
00:30:56,563 --> 00:30:59,440
‎配方我們都知道，H2O

442
00:31:01,234 --> 00:31:03,903
‎如果你自己把H和O放在一起

443
00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:06,364
‎你得到的是婊子

444
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:13,371
‎你可以帶婊子去找水
‎但她可變不出水

445
00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:18,167
‎沒錯

446
00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:21,796
‎我才不管你的科學有多棒

447
00:31:22,297 --> 00:31:26,009
‎把氫氣和氧氣抓起來

448
00:31:26,092 --> 00:31:28,052
‎根本不可能生的出水

449
00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:33,683
‎自來水不可能、雨水不可能
‎火石水更不可能

450
00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:37,562
‎因為水是上帝創造的

451
00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:40,857
‎光是水就有五到六種型態

452
00:31:41,357 --> 00:31:44,068
‎水可以是冰
‎你可以在水裡游泳

453
00:31:44,569 --> 00:31:47,238
‎在水裡放鬆泡澡

454
00:31:48,281 --> 00:31:51,284
‎你可以在水裡游泳、溺水、掛掉

455
00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:55,496
‎就跟鮑魚一樣
‎所以他們才會並列前茅

456
00:31:57,874 --> 00:31:59,709
‎水和鮑魚

457
00:32:02,837 --> 00:32:05,214
‎-“卡特為什麼你要提到鮑魚？”
‎-為什麼？

458
00:32:05,298 --> 00:32:09,969
‎因為鮑魚
‎是全宇宙第二珍貴的東西

459
00:32:10,803 --> 00:32:15,934
‎鮑魚的存在
‎邏輯上根本就不該存在！

460
00:32:17,143 --> 00:32:21,898
‎鮑魚就像是機械化前的傳真機

461
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:26,819
‎你上了我，我就送你個小黑人

462
00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:41,376
‎別忘了…

463
00:32:42,335 --> 00:32:47,674
‎女人並沒有超自然再生的魔法

464
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:51,970
‎女人切斷手指，是長不回來的

465
00:32:52,845 --> 00:32:55,139
‎但她卻可以製造生命…

466
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,559
‎一邊還能忙活其他的

467
00:33:00,436 --> 00:33:04,190
‎而且還有辦法給你點甜頭吃

468
00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:08,236
‎這根本不該存在

469
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:10,363
‎但卻真實存在

470
00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:15,910
‎他們才不希望你知道
‎因為你會過於珍惜

471
00:33:16,869 --> 00:33:19,706
‎全部的男人聽好了

472
00:33:20,873 --> 00:33:23,793
‎如果你還沒有鮑魚
‎快去找一個

473
00:33:26,170 --> 00:33:29,674
‎鮑魚是全宇宙中最有價值的商品

474
00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:35,388
‎瞧有些人樂得 “我有兩個鮑魚”

475
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:40,768
‎他們會說這叫投資

476
00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:45,940
‎他們才不會說呢

477
00:33:47,942 --> 00:33:50,111
‎他們才不會告訴你
‎你是個超級英雄

478
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,782
‎這裡的每個人都是超級英雄

479
00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:58,244
‎我知道今晚感覺不太像

480
00:33:58,953 --> 00:34:01,205
‎兩百年後

481
00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:03,833
‎會有人為你們寫書

482
00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:09,047
‎有群人達成了不可能的任務

483
00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:13,384
‎這群人挑戰了
‎不可能被擊敗的敵人

484
00:34:14,302 --> 00:34:16,512
‎這群人挑戰的對象是空氣

485
00:34:18,347 --> 00:34:19,932
‎每吸一口氣都有生命危險

486
00:34:20,683 --> 00:34:23,061
‎每個人都是超級英雄
‎都會被寫進去

487
00:34:23,144 --> 00:34:25,354
‎這是你改變一生的時刻

488
00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:27,148
‎若你對現在的生活不滿意

489
00:34:27,231 --> 00:34:30,693
‎你不需要砍掉重練
‎只要做出改變就好了

490
00:34:31,694 --> 00:34:34,197
‎女士們，如果對外表不滿意

491
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,533
‎只需要兩萬二就能解決一切

492
00:34:39,952 --> 00:34:42,789
‎去一趟多明尼加共和國

493
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:46,417
‎包準回來後家人都認不出妳來

494
00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:56,427
‎其實就兩個外力，科學和上帝

495
00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:58,179
‎不要小看上帝

496
00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,099
‎適可而止就好

497
00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:04,227
‎上帝知道什麼樣子最適合妳

498
00:35:05,686 --> 00:35:09,649
‎妳知道脊椎
‎只能承重40公斤嗎？

499
00:35:10,691 --> 00:35:14,487
‎有些人的脊椎底下寫著40公斤

500
00:35:14,570 --> 00:35:17,323
‎上帝把40公斤寫在那兒

501
00:35:17,865 --> 00:35:21,953
‎結果妳去多明尼加一趟
‎帶回32公斤的胸部

502
00:35:23,162 --> 00:35:25,123
‎30公斤的屁股

503
00:35:25,998 --> 00:35:28,793
‎全掛在同一副身軀

504
00:35:30,086 --> 00:35:31,754
‎當妳55歲的時候

505
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:34,507
‎妳就會變成養老院的摺扇

506
00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:46,727
‎但你可以當超級英雄

507
00:35:47,728 --> 00:35:50,022
‎外頭的陷阱何其多

508
00:35:51,023 --> 00:35:53,484
‎有時撒旦的呢喃
‎聽起來就像是上帝之聲

509
00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:58,072
‎如果你只有152公分高

510
00:35:59,657 --> 00:36:01,284
‎撒旦設下陷阱

511
00:36:02,326 --> 00:36:05,746
‎為152公分高的男人動了手術

512
00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:07,540
‎只需一夜的時間

513
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,419
‎多給了你15公分

514
00:36:12,044 --> 00:36:13,212
‎一夜之間！

515
00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:16,549
‎瞧那些黑人矮子 “啥？”

516
00:36:17,383 --> 00:36:18,759
‎就是這樣

517
00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:21,679
‎以165公分的身高走進來
‎以185公分的身高走出去

518
00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:24,807
‎讓我蠢蠢欲動

519
00:36:27,059 --> 00:36:29,604
‎你知道我有多少錢嗎？

520
00:36:29,687 --> 00:36:31,606
‎我可以變成220公分耶

521
00:36:33,274 --> 00:36:37,111
‎聽起來像是個尋常的手術
‎我都做了四次了

522
00:36:42,783 --> 00:36:44,118
‎但你得相信上帝

523
00:36:44,619 --> 00:36:46,829
‎你無法對科學全盤信任

524
00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:51,292
‎以小夥子的標準來說
‎你看起來會很不錯

525
00:36:52,418 --> 00:36:55,463
‎第一次以180公分的身高
‎靠在你的車旁邊

526
00:36:57,965 --> 00:37:01,552
‎但終究會有人找你做一些傻事

527
00:37:02,136 --> 00:37:06,307
‎而你該如何用科學腿
‎去做那些事

528
00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:12,063
‎要是有個黑人找你玩籃球
‎用全身撞你…

529
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:15,524
‎一撞整個身體都散了

530
00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:22,823
‎我這個周末
‎才剛換好這兩條新腿耶

531
00:37:22,907 --> 00:37:25,952
‎我還沒帶去健身房訓練過欸

532
00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:28,704
‎每條腿還有兩個小腿

533
00:37:36,003 --> 00:37:38,381
‎上帝的傑作無人能超越

534
00:37:38,464 --> 00:37:40,466
‎所以鮑魚才這麼美味

535
00:37:41,842 --> 00:37:44,553
‎因為疫情的緣故
‎我有機會探索鮑魚

536
00:37:44,637 --> 00:37:45,846
‎我從未…

537
00:37:47,765 --> 00:37:50,434
‎我以前從未嘗試過
‎不同的風味還有…

538
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:54,689
‎不同的品種
‎美味極了

539
00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:57,942
‎我也學到一些事

540
00:37:58,651 --> 00:38:00,903
‎我連偏好都沒有

541
00:38:00,987 --> 00:38:03,072
‎我最喜歡兩種…

542
00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:05,491
‎其他的都普通啦

543
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:10,788
‎但所有鮑魚都是好鮑魚

544
00:38:13,666 --> 00:38:17,086
‎回想一下你看過最糟的鮑魚

545
00:38:17,837 --> 00:38:20,381
‎那個鮑魚塞得下四支老二

546
00:38:23,342 --> 00:38:25,136
‎請珍惜你的鮑魚

547
00:38:25,219 --> 00:38:26,345
‎它們可是收藏品

548
00:38:28,514 --> 00:38:29,557
‎真的啦！

549
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,893
‎我個人最喜歡的類型

550
00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:35,146
‎是易濕的那種

551
00:38:36,939 --> 00:38:39,108
‎女士們別這樣
‎瞧那些易濕的人

552
00:38:48,242 --> 00:38:49,785
‎沒有東西比得上易濕的鮑魚

553
00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:55,249
‎女士們，科學研究顯示

554
00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:59,045
‎鮑魚每生產一滴的愛液

555
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:02,673
‎就得隨時讓你的男人…

556
00:39:07,970 --> 00:39:09,889
‎多來32下

557
00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:15,353
‎身為男人，隨時都可以拔出結束

558
00:39:15,436 --> 00:39:17,938
‎好囉，結束了

559
00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:23,611
‎如果你又見到一滴愛液

560
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,447
‎就得另啟新局了！

561
00:39:27,740 --> 00:39:30,659
‎還想當魔術師呢

562
00:39:30,743 --> 00:39:34,538
‎愛液在這裡
‎愛液在哪裡？

563
00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:37,833
‎愛液在這裡
‎愛液在上面

564
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:40,669
‎任何愛液

565
00:39:42,088 --> 00:39:45,007
‎女士們
‎當科學找出有哪種食物…

566
00:39:48,260 --> 00:39:50,596
‎會讓愛液源源不絕…

567
00:39:52,848 --> 00:39:55,267
‎記得用鈔票讓它下架

568
00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:57,019
‎動作慢可是會被買光的！

569
00:39:57,770 --> 00:40:00,356
‎瞧那些乾女人
‎試圖跟我四目相對

570
00:40:00,439 --> 00:40:02,108
‎裝作聽得懂我在說什麼

571
00:40:08,948 --> 00:40:10,908
‎“愛液不衛生”

572
00:40:15,162 --> 00:40:17,331
‎愛液還是很棒的好嗎

573
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:20,292
‎能與愛液抗衡的…

574
00:40:21,293 --> 00:40:22,586
‎就是會噴水的那種

575
00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:25,256
‎女士們，別騙人

576
00:40:26,799 --> 00:40:33,472
‎根據統計有65％的男人
‎聽聞過鮑魚會噴水

577
00:40:34,849 --> 00:40:37,560
‎但從未親眼見識過

578
00:40:39,437 --> 00:40:43,524
‎剛那些有反應的女士
‎所有種族的男性馬上…

579
00:40:49,405 --> 00:40:51,615
‎若來到拉斯維加斯
‎還找到會噴水的鮑魚

580
00:40:51,699 --> 00:40:53,701
‎你根本是中樂透好嗎

581
00:40:57,204 --> 00:41:00,207
‎會噴水的鮑魚無人能敵

582
00:41:01,375 --> 00:41:03,127
‎別忘了…

583
00:41:04,003 --> 00:41:06,964
‎身為男性
‎我們從不了解噴水的原因

584
00:41:09,008 --> 00:41:11,802
‎也很疑惑為何她總是

585
00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:15,931
‎不讓我們提前知道…

586
00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:21,312
‎她要噴了

587
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:26,859
‎科學研究顯示…

588
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:32,323
‎連女人自己也不知道

589
00:41:33,449 --> 00:41:35,075
‎自己要噴了

590
00:41:38,412 --> 00:41:40,080
‎那就說得通了

591
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,334
‎難怪她們也一臉驚訝

592
00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:46,003
‎我們被嚇到的時候

593
00:41:50,799 --> 00:41:53,177
‎通常是這個樣子“嘿！”

594
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:55,846
‎但她們則是
‎“真不敢相信

595
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,599
‎我不知道有這麼爽

596
00:41:58,682 --> 00:42:00,768
‎你肯定是找對地方了”

597
00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:06,023
‎女士們，若妳的脖子
‎像貓頭鷹一樣靈活

598
00:42:07,483 --> 00:42:10,528
‎請回頭看看被妳噴了一臉的男人

599
00:42:10,611 --> 00:42:12,363
‎妳會發現…

600
00:42:13,113 --> 00:42:15,199
‎對男性來說

601
00:42:16,242 --> 00:42:18,911
‎這是他和他老二碰過最棒的事

602
00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:23,165
‎這在鮑魚界是要起立鼓掌的

603
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:27,461
‎若能轉身看看妳的男人

604
00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:31,674
‎他就像個被灑水系統
‎噴到的七歲男孩

605
00:42:32,508 --> 00:42:35,678
‎他感到前所未有的開心

606
00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:49,942
‎我愛死會噴水的那種了

607
00:42:51,151 --> 00:42:52,152
‎有誰不愛呢

608
00:42:52,736 --> 00:42:55,823
‎現實是…上帝的傑作…

609
00:42:56,782 --> 00:42:57,950
‎人類不能做過火

610
00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:00,619
‎上帝創造了糖

611
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:04,039
‎但若吃太多糖，你就會掛點

612
00:43:05,958 --> 00:43:07,084
‎上帝創造了鹽

613
00:43:07,668 --> 00:43:12,798
‎你可以盡情地愛鹽巴
‎但若吃太多，你也會掛

614
00:43:13,799 --> 00:43:15,926
‎上帝在所有事物都摻了一手

615
00:43:16,802 --> 00:43:18,137
‎連噴水也不例外…

616
00:43:21,223 --> 00:43:24,518
‎如果你去一百個城市做實驗

617
00:43:25,477 --> 00:43:28,188
‎還讓你碰上了三百位會噴水的鮑魚

618
00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:31,942
‎純屬假設啦…

619
00:43:36,947 --> 00:43:38,532
‎你會發現一些…

620
00:43:40,326 --> 00:43:41,452
‎很有意思的事

621
00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:46,081
‎你會發現每一滴噴出來的水

622
00:43:46,999 --> 00:43:52,838
‎有那麼一小點…

623
00:43:53,881 --> 00:43:56,008
‎小丁點…

624
00:43:56,675 --> 00:44:01,180
‎微微量的尿液

625
00:44:04,391 --> 00:44:06,518
‎噴出來的水都有，但不多

626
00:44:07,561 --> 00:44:10,064
‎只有11％而已，不多啦

627
00:44:10,981 --> 00:44:12,066
‎不多啦

628
00:44:12,149 --> 00:44:14,610
‎但也足夠讓你聞到…

629
00:44:16,528 --> 00:44:18,864
‎就僅在某次晨間運動時

630
00:44:18,947 --> 00:44:20,074
‎就像這樣…

631
00:44:31,293 --> 00:44:32,503
‎這是真實故事

632
00:44:34,004 --> 00:44:37,007
‎每個女人都很棒

633
00:44:37,633 --> 00:44:38,759
‎快幫自己找一個吧

634
00:44:39,593 --> 00:44:41,970
‎疫情教會了我，沒有不對的女人

635
00:44:42,763 --> 00:44:45,766
‎每位女人都是對的人
‎快幫自己找一個吧

636
00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:49,436
‎有機會的話找個胖妹

637
00:44:50,854 --> 00:44:51,939
‎胖妹才是你需要的

638
00:44:52,022 --> 00:44:54,650
‎我在疫情中試過、見過，也征服過

639
00:44:54,733 --> 00:44:56,360
‎我經歷過當然感同身受

640
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:59,321
‎若想撐過疫情，胖妹絕對是首選

641
00:44:59,405 --> 00:45:02,157
‎有了她，絕對會是
‎你經歷過最簡單的疫…

642
00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:03,700
‎胖妹值得信任

643
00:45:03,784 --> 00:45:06,412
‎有時候你根本不知道你肚子餓了

644
00:45:06,495 --> 00:45:08,038
‎而她早就在煮飯了

645
00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:14,169
‎你的肚子會含情脈脈地
‎看著她說：“她真靠得住”

646
00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:18,549
‎胖妹絕對是疫情首選

647
00:45:18,632 --> 00:45:20,134
‎每件事都打點地很到位

648
00:45:20,843 --> 00:45:23,762
‎如果會冷，她會幫你暖房…

649
00:45:25,597 --> 00:45:27,474
‎就是把腿叉開啊

650
00:45:29,726 --> 00:45:30,894
‎如果覺得熱

651
00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:34,231
‎她不會跟你肌膚相親
‎黏在一起更不可能

652
00:45:36,608 --> 00:45:38,193
‎跟胖妹在一起

653
00:45:38,277 --> 00:45:41,196
‎你的身體會覺醒
‎得到前所未有的感受

654
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,824
‎受到前所未有的訓練

655
00:45:43,907 --> 00:45:47,995
‎只要跟胖妹在一起
‎就能享受依偎的感覺

656
00:45:49,663 --> 00:45:51,081
‎瞧那些人 “啥？”

657
00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:56,962
‎若你有從胖妹身上滾過的經驗
‎那真的是…

658
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:04,636
‎絕對是你此生最安穩的一覺
‎就這樣依偎在旁

659
00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:06,597
‎真的啦

660
00:46:09,016 --> 00:46:10,142
‎很好

661
00:46:11,518 --> 00:46:13,020
‎所有女人都激動了

662
00:46:13,103 --> 00:46:14,271
‎我跟一位小隻女在一起

663
00:46:14,354 --> 00:46:16,982
‎我從沒跟小隻女交往過
‎因為我自己也很小隻

664
00:46:17,065 --> 00:46:19,193
‎我怎麼可能
‎會想跟另一個小隻為伍？

665
00:46:19,276 --> 00:46:20,777
‎但我錯過好多啊

666
00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:24,364
‎我壓根兒不曉得有這麼多樂趣
‎我跟小隻女車震

667
00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:29,411
‎這小妞在車內來去自如
‎我連拔出來都不用

668
00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,417
‎簡直是如魚得水！

669
00:46:39,004 --> 00:46:40,589
‎我喜歡女巨人

670
00:46:41,381 --> 00:46:43,008
‎我對高個女沒有不敬的意思

671
00:46:43,592 --> 00:46:46,428
‎我指的不是175、182公分那種

672
00:46:46,512 --> 00:46:49,181
‎我指的是超過
‎193、195公分的那種

673
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:51,433
‎真正的女巨人

674
00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:54,770
‎你要多高呢？“巨人等級”

675
00:46:55,812 --> 00:46:59,566
‎我希望她高到
‎在廚房煮早餐時…

676
00:47:00,359 --> 00:47:01,902
‎穿著一件夏日洋裝

677
00:47:01,985 --> 00:47:04,738
‎我可以直接滑進雙腿之間

678
00:47:04,821 --> 00:47:06,281
‎連彎腰都不用

679
00:47:12,287 --> 00:47:14,915
‎挑逗荳荳像抓紅鼻子一樣

680
00:47:25,509 --> 00:47:28,220
‎我喜歡女人高大到
‎要兩間房才能辦事

681
00:47:34,893 --> 00:47:37,062
‎所以才會有女籃的存在

682
00:47:37,854 --> 00:47:39,731
‎要兩個房間才能辦事

683
00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:43,569
‎我在臥室控制傷害輸出

684
00:47:57,457 --> 00:48:00,919
‎每150下我會去客廳
‎確認她的狀態

685
00:48:04,339 --> 00:48:07,384
‎“舒服嗎寶貝？我的表現如何？”

686
00:48:07,467 --> 00:48:10,095
‎我做的很棒嗎？
‎那就準備進入橋式了

687
00:48:10,178 --> 00:48:11,930
‎準備進入…

688
00:48:20,063 --> 00:48:21,189
‎我喜歡…

689
00:48:23,191 --> 00:48:24,651
‎所有類型的女孩

690
00:48:26,111 --> 00:48:27,571
‎沒有偏好

691
00:48:29,114 --> 00:48:30,616
‎但我不得不說

692
00:48:30,699 --> 00:48:33,368
‎有一些女人總是收不到花

693
00:48:33,452 --> 00:48:35,871
‎世界各地都有這麼一群女人

694
00:48:36,371 --> 00:48:37,956
‎無人問津

695
00:48:38,457 --> 00:48:41,960
‎每天認真生活
‎卻得不到任何功勞

696
00:48:42,461 --> 00:48:45,631
‎今晚我們就要談談她們
‎談談她們的付出

697
00:48:47,132 --> 00:48:50,427
‎今晚帶醜女出席的哥們
‎出個聲吧

698
00:48:58,769 --> 00:49:01,438
‎有些人眼前已經看到
‎婚姻的跑馬燈

699
00:49:04,483 --> 00:49:06,276
‎我這麼信任你耶！

700
00:49:09,821 --> 00:49:10,697
‎聽著…

701
00:49:16,703 --> 00:49:18,830
‎每個與醜伴侶出席的人
‎都心知肚明

702
00:49:18,914 --> 00:49:20,415
‎每個人都這樣盯著我

703
00:49:32,886 --> 00:49:33,887
‎沒有啦

704
00:49:34,888 --> 00:49:36,890
‎心之所欲為汝之所需

705
00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:40,936
‎想要的才是你需要的

706
00:49:41,770 --> 00:49:44,272
‎當你在廁所哭著向主祈求…

707
00:49:48,568 --> 00:49:50,696
‎你說：
‎“請賜給我夢寐以求的女人吧！”

708
00:49:53,198 --> 00:49:54,616
‎那才是你真正需要的女人

709
00:49:56,118 --> 00:49:56,952
‎沒錯

710
00:49:57,869 --> 00:49:59,955
‎別再僅憑外貌

711
00:50:01,498 --> 00:50:02,999
‎就隨意批判他人

712
00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:04,459
‎啥意思？

713
00:50:05,168 --> 00:50:07,295
‎醜的人梳妝打扮後

714
00:50:07,379 --> 00:50:08,630
‎還是醜

715
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:13,885
‎與醜女來此的男士們
‎深知世間上無人參透的道理

716
00:50:15,011 --> 00:50:17,013
‎對你來說她很醜…

717
00:50:18,765 --> 00:50:20,308
‎對我來說並不醜

718
00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:23,270
‎我不會告訴你原因

719
00:50:24,146 --> 00:50:25,814
‎但有時你需要的就是醜女

720
00:50:25,897 --> 00:50:28,608
‎一個能拯救你一生的醜女

721
00:50:33,989 --> 00:50:35,824
‎你可以醜得很有名

722
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:41,496
‎大家都聽過
‎哈莉特塔布曼的故事

723
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:47,586
‎我們只知道關於她的兩件事

724
00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:52,716
‎我們知道她解放了奴隸…

725
00:50:54,134 --> 00:50:55,177
‎還有…

726
00:50:56,803 --> 00:50:58,096
‎她很醜

727
00:51:04,394 --> 00:51:05,604
‎聽好

728
00:51:06,188 --> 00:51:07,314
‎這是事實！

729
00:51:07,981 --> 00:51:11,026
‎這是他們說的，她解放了奴隸

730
00:51:11,526 --> 00:51:14,946
‎還有…她很醜

731
00:51:17,282 --> 00:51:18,533
‎這是天大的謊言啊

732
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:23,038
‎哈莉特…美呆了好嗎

733
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:27,667
‎醜陋的是奴隸制

734
00:51:31,338 --> 00:51:33,757
‎為了後排的觀眾，我再說一次

735
00:51:35,425 --> 00:51:36,802
‎哈莉特美呆了

736
00:51:38,011 --> 00:51:40,639
‎醜陋的是奴隸制

737
00:51:41,556 --> 00:51:43,016
‎沒錯，就是這樣

738
00:51:44,100 --> 00:51:45,769
‎要解放奴隸…

739
00:51:47,145 --> 00:51:49,105
‎哈莉特不能太漂亮

740
00:51:50,565 --> 00:51:52,108
‎因為敵人是醜陋的

741
00:51:54,402 --> 00:51:57,239
‎哈莉特不是唯一解放奴隸的女性

742
00:51:57,823 --> 00:51:59,866
‎還有其他女性也在解放奴隸

743
00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:01,201
‎她叫蓓拉

744
00:52:03,161 --> 00:52:05,580
‎她很漂亮，像極了崔西艾莉絲羅斯

745
00:52:05,664 --> 00:52:08,124
‎膚色亮白、長髮及腰、凹凸有致

746
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:10,794
‎聞起來就像莓果，人見人愛

747
00:52:12,254 --> 00:52:14,422
‎成千上萬的奴隸都跟隨蓓拉

748
00:52:15,757 --> 00:52:18,969
‎但美麗的臉龐，無法讓你遠離做奴

749
00:52:19,052 --> 00:52:20,595
‎你需要醜陋的臉龐

750
00:52:21,471 --> 00:52:25,350
‎你可是命懸一線
‎這就是真正的奴隸制

751
00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:28,478
‎躲在樹林中

752
00:52:29,855 --> 00:52:31,523
‎午夜時分

753
00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:38,321
‎如果有人看到你…

754
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:42,075
‎不管是大人還是小孩…

755
00:52:43,034 --> 00:52:45,203
‎你都死定了

756
00:52:46,204 --> 00:52:48,164
‎接著穿過樹林

757
00:52:58,425 --> 00:53:00,886
‎你聽見遠方有狗叫聲

758
00:53:04,347 --> 00:53:08,059
‎通常黑人會被嚇到
‎然後開始狂奔，就被做掉了

759
00:53:11,187 --> 00:53:14,107
‎但如果你是哈莉特
‎就沒什麼好怕了

760
00:53:14,608 --> 00:53:16,318
‎狗群會狂吠

761
00:53:18,904 --> 00:53:22,741
‎然後哈莉特會低下身來
‎與狗狗四目相對

762
00:53:30,248 --> 00:53:32,042
‎從下面掏出手槍

763
00:53:33,126 --> 00:53:35,045
‎接著就聽到狗狗慘叫…

764
00:53:44,095 --> 00:53:45,805
‎很多人追隨蓓拉

765
00:53:47,390 --> 00:53:48,433
‎她是很漂亮

766
00:53:49,517 --> 00:53:52,854
‎但她可沒有方向感

767
00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:57,734
‎三千名奴隸願意追隨漂亮的她

768
00:53:57,817 --> 00:54:02,781
‎結果下午三點
‎又回到同個主人的農地

769
00:54:07,202 --> 00:54:08,662
‎“不是吧，蓓拉！”

770
00:54:16,795 --> 00:54:19,214
‎真的得感謝上帝的小祝福

771
00:54:20,966 --> 00:54:22,217
‎每種鮑魚我都喜歡

772
00:54:26,596 --> 00:54:28,556
‎但大荳荳真的非同小可

773
00:54:30,684 --> 00:54:32,644
‎女士們不要對號入座

774
00:54:35,313 --> 00:54:37,649
‎荳荳都很棒
‎但是…

775
00:54:39,192 --> 00:54:40,694
‎大荳荳真的不同凡響

776
00:54:41,361 --> 00:54:42,946
‎如果在場有人…

777
00:54:44,614 --> 00:54:46,408
‎有大荳荳，我無意…

778
00:54:48,910 --> 00:54:50,286
‎冒犯或不尊重妳

779
00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:53,581
‎我甚至不要提那個字
‎就用…

780
00:54:54,582 --> 00:54:56,918
‎某個有大豆的男士

781
00:55:07,345 --> 00:55:09,431
‎現場有大豆的…

782
00:55:09,514 --> 00:55:11,975
‎-我可以舉手嗎？
‎-千萬別舉手

783
00:55:13,309 --> 00:55:15,020
‎竟然問我可以舉手嗎

784
00:55:19,107 --> 00:55:23,570
‎你們可曾看過大到
‎讓你的老二相形見絀的荳荳

785
00:55:25,321 --> 00:55:27,282
‎角度還看起來不太妙

786
00:55:29,451 --> 00:55:32,454
‎沒看清楚還以為她下面有鈎子

787
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,126
‎底下有些哥們看著我

788
00:55:38,209 --> 00:55:41,004
‎因為他們不知道女友的荳荳是…

789
00:55:41,087 --> 00:55:43,798
‎大還是…太大

790
00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:47,052
‎沒那種事啦

791
00:55:47,677 --> 00:55:50,722
‎如果荳荳太大的話
‎你的身體會知道

792
00:55:53,933 --> 00:55:57,020
‎和鮑魚交手就像在跳舞

793
00:56:04,944 --> 00:56:07,947
‎你會感覺到
‎身體的動作不太自然

794
00:56:09,491 --> 00:56:10,742
‎這時你就要注意了

795
00:56:11,659 --> 00:56:13,036
‎品鮑的時候

796
00:56:13,119 --> 00:56:16,998
‎如果發現出現不尋常的舉動…

797
00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:18,750
‎如果你是這樣…

798
00:56:25,965 --> 00:56:27,258
‎任務取消快撤！

799
00:56:28,718 --> 00:56:31,888
‎這是在吹簫嗎？搞屁啊

800
00:56:31,971 --> 00:56:34,307
‎品鮑的時候
‎如果你是這樣…

801
00:56:38,645 --> 00:56:41,898
‎你有用過兩隻手指來抓荳荳嗎？

802
00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:45,860
‎偶然看到鏡中自己

803
00:56:50,115 --> 00:56:52,325
‎我是在吹蕭吧

804
00:57:03,044 --> 00:57:04,212
‎總結來說…

805
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:10,885
‎那個大荳荳無人能敵…

806
00:57:10,969 --> 00:57:13,304
‎-閉嘴啦！
‎-我才不要

807
00:57:14,806 --> 00:57:16,724
‎你們聽到大荳荳的聲音了嗎？

808
00:57:17,642 --> 00:57:18,685
‎閉嘴啦！

809
00:57:21,229 --> 00:57:22,522
‎沒事的

810
00:57:22,605 --> 00:57:26,151
‎男人都有這種經驗
‎越變越大的時候

811
00:57:26,234 --> 00:57:28,319
‎就會手足無措，所以…

812
00:57:33,992 --> 00:57:36,494
‎你想說這顆荳荳是正常的尺寸…

813
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:38,413
‎接著品

814
00:57:38,496 --> 00:57:40,665
‎結果塞滿你整個嘴巴…

815
00:57:49,007 --> 00:57:52,635
‎如果你品過鮑的話就懂了

816
00:57:53,636 --> 00:57:54,971
‎謝謝大家

817
00:57:55,054 --> 00:57:57,974
‎祝大家有個愉快的夜晚
‎願主保佑你

818
00:59:33,444 --> 00:59:38,408
‎字幕翻譯：胡基一