1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX

2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

3
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:13,120
A NETFLIX COMEDY SPECIAL

4
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,680
I don't know how to kiss girls.

5
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,080
It's terrified me since I was a kid.

6
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,120
Kissing girls scares me so much.

7
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,200
Not long ago, I met a girl I liked a lot.

8
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,600
At the end of the first date,
I couldn't kiss her.

9
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:03,280
I tried.

10
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,840
I think she didn't get what I was doing.

11
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,720
First date, I couldn't kiss her.

12
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,400
On the second date, I couldn't either.

13
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,120
We set up a third date,

14
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,440
and on the way, I felt so much pressure

15
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,800
because the more dates are set,

16
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,840
the more attempts there are,

17
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:22,840
the more pressure there is.

18
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,280
Just like the driving license.

19
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:27,720
If you flunk it once,

20
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:29,640
you hang on and study.

21
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,600
Flunk it three times?
"Take the bus. You're a pain in the ass."

22
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,000
Has anyone here flunked it several times?

23
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,520
Clap if you have. Go on.

24
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,320
You're proud too!

25
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,560
"We can't read signs!"

26
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:43,840
Some of you raised your hands.

27
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,360
You didn't listen to the instructions
until the end.

28
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,200
I know why you flunked your license.
Listen until the end.

29
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:51,720
"Now, turn…"

30
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,280
"No. Shucks. I was going to say right."

31
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,560
"You turned left. Unfortunately,
that was an elementary school."

32
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,280
"You've just killed eight children. Oops."

33
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:01,920
"And a pregnant woman

34
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,680
expecting twins. That's ten children!"

35
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,800
I flunked mine so many times,
always because of parallel parking.

36
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,560
Parallel parking scares me.

37
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,760
I realized recently that parallel parking
was a symbolic action,

38
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,480
like a kiss,
and if you mess that up, as a man,

39
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,040
it means you're not a real man.
Which is ridiculous.

40
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,840
What's perverted about a kiss is,

41
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,920
you can't tell the girl,
"Hang on, I'll try again."

42
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,920
"I'll do angle kissing!"
No, that doesn't work.

43
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,840
You can't have a buddy behind her going,

44
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:38,400
"Go on…"

45
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,520
"Stop. Glottis."

46
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:40,920
No.

47
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:43,520
Third date,

48
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:46,720
I couldn't kiss her.

49
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,280
I felt so ridiculous,
I went home, and I vented to my housemate.

50
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,040
I usually struggle to open up,

51
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,480
but it's easy
because my housemate is my best friend.

52
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,440
He was there because he always is.

53
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,920
He's 40, and I love him, okay?

54
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:03,320
I told him, "I think I'm afraid of
the moment when I go to kiss a girl."

55
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,160
He gave me good advice.

56
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,840
"Don't be afraid of the moment
when you go to kiss a girl."

57
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,440
I said, "And?" And he said, "Yes."

58
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,840
That's not advice.
That's denial. It doesn't work.

59
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,800
-"Mom, I'm scare of the dark!"
-"Don't be scared, Timothée."

60
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,040
"Go back to the cave, please."

61
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,280
He told me,

62
00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,280
"You're scared of starting
because you're scared of being rejected."

63
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,720
"Fourth date, you invite her here.
I'll be in my room. I won't listen."

64
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,400
I was like, "That's a weird thing
to point out, but fine."

65
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,360
"She rings the bell. You open."

66
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,320
"Get her settled in.
She should talk for a long while."

67
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,240
"At some point, you look her in the eye.
You interrupt her."

68
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:42,560
"And you go…"

69
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,320
"Go on, suck my dick."

70
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,640
No, I'm joking!

71
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:49,280
He told me…

72
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,440
Should I use this tone for the whole show?
He told me…

73
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,800
"You interrupt her,
and you say, 'I'm sorry.'"

74
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,160
"I may kiss you in the next three minutes.
Go on.'"

75
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,240
"If she goes, 'No, thank you,'
don't do it."

76
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,640
A very good consent-based technique.

77
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,160
He said, "But if she goes…"

78
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:15,800
"'Okay.'"

79
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,600
He said, "If she goes high-pitched,
the chick is happy."

80
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,120
That sentence misogynists
used in the '80s.

81
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,800
Like, "It's a good sign
if she wags her tail."

82
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,120
Truly Neanderthal-like.

83
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:29,840
It was my only advice.

84
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,000
I invite her on a fourth date.
I'm so stressed.

85
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,560
She's late because she's classy.

86
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,240
So I had time to think behind the door.

87
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,480
I think I know why
I don't know how to kiss the girls I like.

88
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:43,520
It's because of my parents.

89
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,480
They are the only couple I experienced.

90
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,480
They've been together for 30 years.
I've never seen them kiss.

91
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,120
Not one sign of affection.

92
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,160
Like people who love each other a little,
but nothing crazy.

93
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:58,200
They're like office colleagues
whose boss went,

94
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,120
"Both of you,

95
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,880
on Monday, I want a family on my desk."

96
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,680
They were like, "The boss said it!"

97
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,280
I don't understand
their dynamics as a couple.

98
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,680
Sometimes I go eat at home.
I ring the bell.

99
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,680
They open, like, "Hello, son!"

100
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,080
They're like Sims. It's so weird.

101
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,000
"How are you?"

102
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:17,560
"I was well…"

103
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,960
I see them about, and I think,
"How did you conceive me?"

104
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,160
There are six children in my family.

105
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:28,600
One child conceived every three years,
which is too mathematical for me.

106
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,120
But I have a theory.

107
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:32,840
Every three years…

108
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:37,880
my parents rent a meeting room.

109
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,280
They put on their outfits and like…

110
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:44,560
Sex civil servants.

111
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,960
Can't imagine anything
other than something very civil.

112
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,520
Very cordial. "Hello."

113
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,520
A handshake. I guess my dad rubs a bit.

114
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,760
She picks it up in a little well
which she applies.

115
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,240
She lies on her back, and it infuses.

116
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,520
Like a small tea.

117
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,680
A mommy fruit tea.

118
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,560
That's my theory. Don't know.

119
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,680
I can. She's my mom.

120
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,760
I don't like that you laughed. No.

121
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,760
My parents love each other.

122
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,320
They just never look at each other.
I like to annoy my mom with that.

123
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,800
I like to annoy my mom,
but with this at the moment.

124
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,680
Sometimes I go home to wind her up.

125
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,920
I tell her, "You don't love Dad.
You never look at him."

126
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,000
"You can tell me.
I'm your son. Let's talk."

127
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,360
She goes mental. "What are you saying?
Why are you saying that?"

128
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,240
When he's two meters away, I go,
"Hey! You don't love him?"

129
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,680
"You can tell me, even if I'm asleep!
'I don't love your dad! Let's talk!'"

130
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:42,880
She broke down and said,

131
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,200
"You don't understand anything about life,
you punk."

132
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,960
She said, "Loving someone, Panayotis,
isn't about looking them in the eye."

133
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,960
"It's about
looking in the same direction."

134
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,720
"The same direction."

135
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,280
It moved me.

136
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,160
When she said this, it moved me,
but I didn't show my emotions.

137
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,160
I reacted in a weird way.

138
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,400
I just pushed my mom,

139
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,480
and I said,
"That was ridiculous, what you said!"

140
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,520
I screamed in her face

141
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,800
with the choked voice
of a racist old lady.

142
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,360
The voice of that lady
who opens her shutters at night,

143
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:18,440
"Too many Arabs!"

144
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,800
You know that lady, right?
That was my voice. It came out naturally.

145
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,720
The worst is, the lady is right.

146
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,120
My mom! My mom is right!

147
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:30,880
Sorry. Oops.

148
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,800
I mix them up as they're the same person.
But it's just…

149
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:36,880
That was a joke! Okay!

150
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:41,120
Recently, I understood what she meant
by looking in the same direction.

151
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,280
We were having dinner at my parents'.

152
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,480
We were eating in silence
because we don't know how to communicate.

153
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,040
And…

154
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,040
for the past 15 years, every summer,

155
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,400
my mom rents a vacation rental with a pond
so that my father can go fishing.

156
00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,680
Is this love? I have no idea.

157
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,280
She started late this year.
There was no pond available.

158
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,600
We didn't know it yet.
It was complete silence.

159
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,440
Something deep, sad
was going on inside my mom.

160
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,760
She stares at my dad,
she takes a deep breath, and,

161
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,720
"Well,

162
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,080
I'm sorry.
I haven't found a rental with a pond."

163
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:19,440
He was eating.

164
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,560
He said to her, "And?"

165
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,600
She said, "Well,

166
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,960
I haven't found a rental with a pond
so that you can go fishing this summer."

167
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,000
He said to her, "And?"

168
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,040
She said, "Well,

169
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,120
is he stupid or what?"

170
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,480
"Because you like to go fishing."

171
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,000
He goes, "No."

172
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,920
My mom's eyelid started twitching.

173
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,480
She said, "Yes."

174
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,000
"You do like it. I've been renting a pond
for 15 years so that you could go."

175
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,520
"I've been fishing for 15 years

176
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,160
because you've been renting a pond
for 15 years!"

177
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,600
What's there to do in Poitou-Charentes?

178
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,240
He started shaking.
He got up. He went to bed.

179
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,720
I was eating. I was freaking out.

180
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,800
I said to them,
"Is that looking in the same direction?"

181
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,400
"You're cross-eyed."

182
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:12,680
"Watch out."

183
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,680
Of course, with that example,
I can't kiss the girl I like.

184
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,200
I'm working on it, but not yet.

185
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,960
I was waiting behind the door
for the fourth date.

186
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,200
I kiss her on the cheeks.
I get her settled in.

187
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:25,360
She's gorgeous.

188
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,760
I try to play it cool.

189
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,400
I have to interrupt her.
My housemate's three-minute technique.

190
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:32,880
But I'm so shy.

191
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,840
Not usually,
but I get flustered with someone I like.

192
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,240
So I motivate myself.

193
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,160
I talk to myself.
"Come on. You can do it."

194
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:43,680
"Just interrupt her.
It's not difficult. I'll count down."

195
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,280
"One hundred."

196
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,560
I look at her and I go…

197
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,080
A bit too intense!

198
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,560
She jumped. She looked at me.

199
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:55,720
I swear this is true.

200
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:56,800
I panicked. I went…

201
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,520
She said, "What's going on?"

202
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,600
I said, "I need the toilet."

203
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,760
I was improvising.
I did this with my arms.

204
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,520
I locked myself in the toilet.

205
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,240
I thought to myself for ten seconds,
"What have you just done?"

206
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:12,720
"What just happened?"

207
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,800
A new terror crept up. I thought,

208
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,400
"She'll hear I'm not doing anything.
She won't trust me!"

209
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,320
I had an idea.
I emptied the toothbrush holder.

210
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,920
I filled it with water, and I…

211
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:25,640
poured.

212
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,960
I thought, "Go see a shrink, Panayotis."

213
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:30,480
"It's time."

214
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,880
"You're faking a little pee
for a girl who doesn't care

215
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,120
because you're scared of kissing her.
Something's wrong."

216
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,440
I go back to the family room.
I'm stressed.

217
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,160
I needed a pee

218
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,080
because water dripping into a toilet
sounds exactly like a pee.

219
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,240
So I…

220
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,760
I can't flush twice in a row. Like, "No."

221
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,560
"It's not what you think.
I don't like a long pee."

222
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,920
"I prefer two short, little pees
with a break in the middle."

223
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,960
"So I do what I call the first pee,

224
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:03,080
then I stop deliberately,
and when it tickles me, I go back."

225
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,160
"That's the second pee."

226
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,600
"Don't take it from me.
It's my thing. It's mine."

227
00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:09,880
"My private garden."

228
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,560
No.

229
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,880
I go back to the family room.

230
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,440
I'm sweating.

231
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,240
I look at her,
and I don't know, I let down my guard.

232
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,160
I interrupt her. I go, "Sorry."

233
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,960
"I may kiss you
in the next three minutes."

234
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:24,880
"Go on."

235
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,440
What a stud!

236
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:29,920
She went…

237
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,240
"You're such a weird guy!"

238
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,560
I went Neanderthal

239
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,400
because in my head,
I was like, "Go high-pitched!"

240
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,600
"Come on, sweetie!"

241
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,400
You become a little shit so quickly!

242
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,440
I could tell in her eyes
that she wanted to.

243
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,000
I wasn't scared of rejection.
It was a cute little moment.

244
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,760
Two minutes go by. My heart's racing.

245
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,760
Two minutes and 30 seconds.
Two minutes and 40 seconds.

246
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,600
Two minutes and 50 seconds.

247
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,320
Thirteen minutes.

248
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,120
She's looking at me like, "Didn't we say…"

249
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:16,960
I couldn't kiss her.

250
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,320
I can hear you!

251
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,320
I'm not scared!

252
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,920
I'm not scared of a kiss!
I'm scared of being vulnerable.

253
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,280
I'm convinced that when you kiss someone…

254
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,440
I mean, real kisses.
It doesn't happen often, but you can tell.

255
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,200
You feel a fluttering in your stomach.

256
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,320
This is the most vulnerable moment
of your life.

257
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,720
Because in one action,

258
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,720
as symbolic and stupid as…

259
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,080
you pour out the feelings you stored

260
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,880
when thinking about this person
for weeks or months.

261
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,040
You find the guts
to send them on a silver platter.

262
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,160
You look them in the eye.

263
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:55,000
You wait to humbly offer these feelings
on a silver platter at the right time.

264
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,720
What's horrible is she can go…

265
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,440
You should be like,
"It went well. No big deal."

266
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:04,720
"It happens."

267
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,720
"Well, yes. Are you kidding?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

268
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,640
"Yes, Sylvie, are you kidding?"

269
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,720
"Mind if I go sleep?
Today has been exhausting."

270
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,960
"I'll pick this up? Of course."

271
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,920
"Are you kidding? I'm not messy."

272
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,360
"No, it's broken,
but it's only my self-confidence."

273
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,400
It terrifies me.

274
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:25,520
It scares me so much.

275
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,120
I've learned recently
that when you kiss someone,

276
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,440
the bacteria in…

277
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,320
You're not going to like this.

278
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,360
The bacteria in the mouth of the person

279
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,480
stay within you
for four years after the kiss.

280
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,000
Those people who kissed losers
are like, "What?"

281
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,080
"What's he saying with his T-shirt
in his pants? What, Steve Jobs?"

282
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,640
It's true.

283
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,720
Go home and Google it.

284
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,320
Your mouths are full
of people from the past.

285
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,320
Your mouths are Airbnbs.

286
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:56,920
I'm a small vacation rental.

287
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,800
Not many visitors. In Poitou-Charentes.

288
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:01,760
"Hello!"

289
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,960
"Welcome to the Three Lavender rental!"

290
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,240
"How was your journey?"

291
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:10,800
That's me.

292
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,120
I couldn't do it.

293
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,440
Nothing more emasculating
than a failed kiss.

294
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,040
She has work in the morning.

295
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,200
I walk her back to the door.
She stops one last time.

296
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,080
I kiss her on the cheeks. Awful.

297
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,040
She said, "Well, see you next time, then."

298
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:36,400
I said, "Yes."

299
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,280
Then I slammed the door.

300
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,520
It looks like a slap on her ass. No.

301
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:44,800
I just can't mime.

302
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,880
The guy can't smooch,
but, "Come on, princess."

303
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,520
"Get out or I'll take you out.
Yeah, get home safely." No.

304
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,560
I just can't mime.
I don't know how to slam a door.

305
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,240
I look like Passe-Partout, I don't know…

306
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,200
Whoa, no.

307
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,520
I slam the door. Okay.

308
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,240
Right then, my housemate opens his door.
He goes, "What happened?"

309
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,680
- "I know you listened."
- "Yes."

310
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,840
He won't lie anymore.

311
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,800
He's going through a midlife crisis.
He's a truth toast.

312
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,320
He goes,
"I heard it. She went high-pitched."

313
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,480
"She wanted it to happen.
So the fear was only in your head."

314
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,280
It drove me crazy.
I said, "You're not my father!"

315
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,720
He punished me and sent me to bed.

316
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:31,240
I couldn't sleep.

317
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,920
I had insomnia. It drove me crazy.
Actually, enough with that word.

318
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,480
Insomnia. That's really a lie.

319
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,440
That's a coverall to hide the truth.

320
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,720
-"You look tired, Bertrand!"
-"Yes, I have insomnia. It's okay."

321
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:47,640
Let's tell the truth.

322
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,720
Let's learn to say, "True."

323
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,080
"Right now, I have problems in life,

324
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,160
but I can't think about it
during the day."

325
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,240
"So I think about it at night."

326
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:58,680
"And I cry."

327
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,560
"Since I'm lying in bed,
my tears drop in my ears,

328
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,240
and I listen to my sadness."

329
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,120
"How was your weekend in Cévennes?"

330
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,440
We'd have everything to gain.

331
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:16,920
I'm just saying.

332
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:18,720
It made me angry.

333
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,080
My dad used to say "It's all in your head"
to us all the time.

334
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,560
We'd go see him. He'd go, "You're sad?"

335
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,200
"It's all in your head."

336
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,360
"There's no point crying. It won't help."

337
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:32,760
"Stitches?"

338
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,360
"It's all in your head."

339
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,160
-"I'm bleeding."
-"It's all in your head."

340
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,200
"It was in my head. Now it's coming out."

341
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,440
My father has an old-fashioned view
of what a man is.

342
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,000
For my father, a man is strong,

343
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,680
confident, a little funny,
a bit of a womanizer,

344
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:51,840
but never vulnerable.

345
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,000
My father denies two things in life.

346
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,480
He denies feelings.
For him, they don't exist.

347
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,080
And speed bumps.

348
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,600
Those don't exist either.

349
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,880
We go over a speed bump
at 70 kilometers per hour.

350
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,040
-"There was a speed bump."
-"What makes you say that?"

351
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,920
I have to argue
whether my forehead hit the car ceiling.

352
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,840
It drives me crazy. Not long ago,

353
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,440
we'd left a restaurant.
He'd ordered a coffee to go.

354
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,280
I don't even know why.

355
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,400
These days, he likes to say,
"To go. I don't have the time."

356
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:21,760
He has time.

357
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:23,760
I know his schedule.

358
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,280
A lot of time, not much use of it.

359
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,240
We're in the car. He has his coffee.
We run over a speed bump.

360
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:34,000
And on his thigh,
I see a little coffee stain.

361
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,920
I go nuts.
"Didn't we go over a speed bump?"

362
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,120
"Okay, sorry. Quick question."

363
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,760
"Why do you have
a coffee stain on your thigh?"

364
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,400
He replied… This isn't a joke.

365
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,880
I'm just offering this life moment.

366
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:48,520
He told me…

367
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,440
"This is how I drink my coffee."

368
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,600
He doesn't give a damn anymore.

369
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,680
The crazy thing is, for him, that's a man.

370
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,960
"I'm right because I said I'm right!"

371
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,920
He started teaching us this way early on.

372
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:15,280
I was eight years old.
We were on holiday in a vacation rental.

373
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,840
You're laughing at my life, but fine.

374
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,560
My dad, my brothers, and I
were walking in the woods.

375
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,280
It wasn't a fun, educational walk

376
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,920
like I hope
you have all enjoyed in your childhood.

377
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,120
Like, "Kids! Come!"

378
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,400
"Here is a conifer."

379
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,080
No. Though it'd be stupid
to whisper for a tree.

380
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,840
We'd just follow one another
in single file,

381
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,880
without talking,
for 45 minutes in the woods.

382
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,040
We were so scared!

383
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,200
We were hostages

384
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,480
stretching their legs like,

385
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,600
"FARC are so nice,
giving us five minutes of exercise a day."

386
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,000
"It wasn't like during Ingrid's time."

387
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:59,600
One of my brothers is crying.
It's annoying my father. He goes, "Hey!"

388
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,520
"Stop crying."

389
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,960
Which from an educational point of view
has never worked.

390
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,640
There's never been a child going, "Yes!"

391
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,520
"It's so silly! I hadn't thought of that!"

392
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,840
"We turned off the faucet!"

393
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,120
"Nice to meet you. You are?"

394
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,000
"You're Daddy!"

395
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:20,920
No.

396
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,800
If a child speaks like that,
you should run.

397
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,280
He's haughty.
He's screwing with you. Not a good sign.

398
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:29,960
He goes on crying.

399
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,480
My father is so annoyed
that he goes over to him like, "Hey."

400
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:36,640
"It's all in your head.

401
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,840
"No need to show it to the others."

402
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,320
He pauses. He looks at us.
He says, "I'll give you a lesson."

403
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,640
He drops his pants.

404
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,040
Relax, this isn't going there at all.

405
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,840
I don't know why,
in all of my childhood stories,

406
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,160
my father is in his shorts,
but to each their dad.

407
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,960
He throws his pants, and he goes, "Hey!"

408
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,040
"You watch me!"

409
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,000
He's not drunk, but that's how he talks.

410
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,600
We watch our dad walk into the woods,
in his shorts,

411
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,200
natural as a weasel.

412
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,600
He was always too hairy for a man.
We were wondering.

413
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,000
Twenty meters in, he stops.
He goes, "Hey!"

414
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,880
"There's a ditch with nettles!"

415
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:20,880
He goes in.

416
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,440
He rubs around the ditch.

417
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,280
It's weird.
We only see his chest. It's scary.

418
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,600
He comes out.
He goes to my brother. "Hey!"

419
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:37,760
"Am I crying?"

420
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:42,360
We were like, "Who's gonna call
child protective services?"

421
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,000
"Just once.
We'll be separated, but we'll be safe."

422
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,120
No. We were scared. We went, "No."

423
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,800
-"You're not crying."
-"I'm not crying, right?"

424
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:54,480
"You see, that's a man."

425
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,480
"You don't cry even if you feel like it."

426
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,840
"If you show what's inside of you,

427
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,080
the world is gonna eat you alive."

428
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:06,880
"Capisce?"

429
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,320
As for us,
we all started crying one at a time.

430
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,080
He was scaring us.
That big, itchy, red man.

431
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,240
He went, "What didn't you understand?"

432
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,800
Like Philippe Etchebest
in Cauchemar en cuisine.

433
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,200
My mother was meeting us.
She sees this scene from afar.

434
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,040
Her husband in his shorts,

435
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:29,800
crying and handling it badly,
in front of all of his kids, crying too.

436
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,480
One of my brothers
dropped his pants for no reason.

437
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,840
In every family, there's an oddball.

438
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,960
He drops his pants when no one's watching.

439
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,320
"Mom!"

440
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:42,680
"Mom, look!"

441
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,200
That was my bro-- That was me.

442
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,640
I quickly found my calling, okay?

443
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:55,040
My parents had a big fight that day.
I understood something about couples.

444
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:59,320
In the long run, we often match with
our opposite, character-wise.

445
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,080
I don't know why there's such a rule.

446
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,400
That's my parents.
My father hides his feelings.

447
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:09,480
He suppresses them. He buries them.
When my mother has a feeling, "Take it."

448
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,120
"Do with my soul as you wish."

449
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:16,720
"Sir, before you go, pull on this thread.
It's the thread of my life."

450
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:18,880
She's in a musical.

451
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,680
She shows everything, always.
Too soon. To everyone.

452
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:29,440
It's uncomfortable. Same as
when you meet a naturist unexpectedly.

453
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,840
You know the vibe?
You get on the beach, like…

454
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,200
The beach is empty.

455
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,840
He stays 1.5 meters away from you.

456
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,880
He introduces himself.
"Hello. Jean-Claude."

457
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:41,800
"Yes!"

458
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:47,080
"I already saw your dick,
so your name doesn't really matter."

459
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,080
"You should learn to prioritize
your details. It's important."

460
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:54,200
It's the same.

461
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,120
It's the same with feelings.
It's too much all at once.

462
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:00,920
We were on tour recently,

463
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,760
and we were having dinner
with the venue managers.

464
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,600
A gentleman arrived late for dinner,

465
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,800
and he was
so full of information and emotions.

466
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,960
I felt uncomfortable. He came in,
"Hello, nice to meet you. Guy."

467
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,200
"Sorry, I'm a bit late."

468
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,840
"I was signing divorce papers
with my wife."

469
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,280
"Ex-wife, actually.
Hey, guys, I play the clarinet!"

470
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,680
Throughout dinner, we were like,
"Put briefs over your emotions, Guy."

471
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,960
"We can see your emotions' balls."

472
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,040
"It's too soon."

473
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,520
My mom shared
what she had inside of her early on.

474
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,280
She triggered an existential crisis
when I was very young, in middle school.

475
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,120
And we were in the car,
the two of us, on the way to music school.

476
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,480
I was going to sit in the back. Normal.

477
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,960
She blocks the car door.
She goes, "You know what?"

478
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:49,560
"Sit in the front."

479
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:51,560
First time in my life!

480
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,840
Do you remember
what a big step up that was?

481
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,400
I said,

482
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:57,440
"You sure?"

483
00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:58,960
She said,

484
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:00,720
"Yes, I'm sure."

485
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,120
"Then why are we whispering?"

486
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,320
I get in. I was freaking out.

487
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,240
I was like, "We're in the place!"
I was so happy.

488
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,520
Right away, in my head, I thought,
"Now you're gonna pay taxes."

489
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,240
I grew up scared of taxes.

490
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,520
My dad would open them up
in front of us. He'd go,

491
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,000
"Enjoy it while you're kids.
One day, they're gonna come and get you."

492
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,880
He'd go to bed
and leave us in this air of mystery.

493
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,280
Every other evening, with my brother,
we'd be like, "Are the taxes coming?"

494
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,080
"I don't know how it works.
I don't get it."

495
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,000
We're in the car with my mom.
We leave. It's a bit hot.

496
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,560
And so I'm happy
'cause I'm going to open the front window.

497
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,200
In the back, the window is for losers.

498
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,080
In the back, it's…

499
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,720
"I don't have money
for an automated system."

500
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,680
"I'm using elbow grease."

501
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:57,600
Poor people.

502
00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,920
Remember when you discovered that…

503
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,040
You became so imperious
with others all of a sudden.

504
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:07,600
Teasing those in the back.

505
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,960
"Let me know if it's too windy.
I'll close it, Carole."

506
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,240
I suck at miming. I'm sorry.

507
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,520
It's like I'm sticking my finger
in a cow's eye.

508
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,640
We don't know if she's enjoying it.
It's unclear.

509
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,080
"No, stop it!"

510
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,840
Or, "Whoa!"

511
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:41,240
"More! The other one too! Yeah!"

512
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,040
I can go on for another five minutes,
but I can tell

513
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,560
that more would be self-indulgent.

514
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,480
I wanted your opinion. It's important.

515
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,600
There's no more… No!

516
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,520
It's…

517
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,480
Don't know how to feel about
you clapping more for noises than jokes,

518
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,960
but I'm with you. We're on the same page.

519
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,040
For real, put your finger in a cow's eye--
Sorry.

520
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,680
I'll stop. I'm sure she won't react.

521
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,920
I could take a bet with whoever.
I'm sure of it. Try it in a field.

522
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:25,600
She'll be like…

523
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,560
"Damn, I can't see on the right. What…"

524
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:36,600
"Damn!"

525
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,720
"I could swear there was a tree!
I can't see it. It's weird!"

526
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,120
"Whoa!"

527
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,000
"It came back! All is well!"

528
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,400
Okay, let's focus. You're distracted.

529
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,120
I lower the window.
I'm in the car with my mom.

530
00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,240
I lower the window.

531
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,760
I can feel the warm summer wind
on my head.

532
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,320
I have an idea. Something silly.

533
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,160
You'll get the reference.
The opening of American movies.

534
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,600
Deserted road. Two studs in a Cadillac.
Leather jackets, Ray-Bans.

535
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:13,840
They have rock music playing loud.

536
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,600
They lower the windows,
their arms out like,

537
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,960
"Freedom!"

538
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,520
I want to do that so bad.

539
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,200
I lowered it by that much.
Because my mom won't allow any more.

540
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,040
So, discreetly,

541
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,280
I put out three fingers like that,

542
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:34,080
like an octopus trying to escape
from a Japanese restaurant,

543
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:35,960
and I look at my mom like…

544
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,320
"Freedom!"

545
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,080
"But not too much!"

546
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,280
My mom lowers the window on her side.
I get sucked out.

547
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:47,080
I think she wants me to jump.

548
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,360
My arm is completely outside.

549
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:52,880
And I have an idea.

550
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,440
I tell myself, "I'll do it."

551
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,680
I don't give a--
I put my hand over the roof.

552
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,680
And I tell myself,
"Whoa. Take it easy, man."

553
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,760
"Taxes are gonna fuck you up. Careful."

554
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,800
My mom plays some music.

555
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,240
She plays "Hey Jude" by The Beatles.

556
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,880
One of the best songs ever.
One of my favorite moments in my life.

557
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,040
I'm becoming an adult.
The start of summer, possibilities.

558
00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:23,320
In the front with my mom.
Looking in the same direction.

559
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,040
We're enjoying ourselves.

560
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:27,840
Nice weather. It's all good.

561
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,880
She lowers the volume,
and she goes, "You know what?

562
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,640
"I'd like you to bury me to that song."

563
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,200
I had a small existential crisis.

564
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,320
"I don't like to be in the front,
actually."

565
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,000
"The lady talks to me. I don't like it."

566
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,040
She sees I'm struggling.
She lowers the volume again.

567
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,640
"Hey, calm down."

568
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,560
"Everything's okay."

569
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,200
"It's not just Mom who's going to die.
We all die. That's life."

570
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,160
My mom, like all moms,
always goes one sentence too far.

571
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,000
She's on the edge of a cliff.
She should stop.

572
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,120
She doesn't realize
everyone's uncomfortable,

573
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:12,960
because she's lost all social sensors.

574
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,600
So she digs herself deeper in shit
with each new sentence.

575
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,760
She says this to me.
I can tell she feels better.

576
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,400
It's then I understood
why my mom never has mental issues.

577
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,280
She puts them in our heads.

578
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,840
Which is very smart.
That's what kids are for.

579
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,720
Life is a relay race
from one generation to another.

580
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,240
It gets tiring after a while.
"There, kid, that's for you!"

581
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,800
-"What's that?"
-"Trauma!"

582
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,440
I think that's it.

583
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,400
I still have this recurring image
in nightmares.

584
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,800
My mom throwing me out on the sidewalk,
driving away, with the Beatles on.

585
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,120
Me thinking, "We're all going to die."

586
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,920
My accordion teacher coming to pick me up.
Class is about to start.

587
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:59,040
I did six years of accordion.

588
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,440
Yes, this is the expected response.
You're looking at me pointedly like,

589
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,200
"Sounds like a great childhood!"

590
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,640
I wanted to play the guitar at first.

591
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,240
Like all young men, in order to have sex.
That's what the guitar is for.

592
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,400
The guitar is a subtext.

593
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:18,080
It tells a story.

594
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,720
The guitar is a phallic object

595
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,640
which you play on the beach,
looking someone in the eye.

596
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:25,720
It tells a story.

597
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:27,960
While this…

598
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,840
It isn't the same subtext, believe me.

599
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,520
This is,
"I can make all kinds of rillettes."

600
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:38,600
Not the same vibe.

601
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,760
Six years of accordion
to make my dad happy.

602
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,920
When we were kids,
my dad didn't like us doing kids' stuff.

603
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,480
Like, us being happy wasn't his priority.

604
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,080
He wanted us to be, later.
He wanted us, as children,

605
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,160
to work on the future happiness
of the adults we'd become.

606
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,320
I thought,
"I'm going to show him I'm an adult."

607
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,480
"Let's pick a grown-up instrument."

608
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:03,200
L'acordeonisto.

609
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,000
That's what the pros call it.

610
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,200
Stupid. Have you ever seen
an adult play the accordion?

611
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:11,320
Who isn't homeless?

612
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,880
As a child, I spent hundreds of hours

613
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,280
with 9.5 kilos of brushed metal
crushing my thighs,

614
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,120
playing post-war music.

615
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,720
The accordion, it's like
the war just ended. They sent you there.

616
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:25,080
The songs are…

617
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,880
The stumps of the Avignon fighters

618
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,280
Who came back from the front

619
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,160
Everything about this instrument
is horrible.

620
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,520
It's a bottomless well of melancholy
until death.

621
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,840
The worst bit was
getting out of school with friends,

622
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,360
going to music school together

623
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,400
because we were all white.

624
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,800
And they'd go to the guitar room

625
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,600
all cocky like, "Gonna smooch girls!"

626
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,080
I'm like, "See you later!"

627
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,160
I'd go on all alone, sad, along the hall,

628
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,560
all the way down to the accordion room,
with a vibe like…

629
00:31:58,320 --> 00:31:59,800
"Watch out for the Germans."

630
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,480
"Learn to protect Strasbourg, kiddo."

631
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:05,080
It was tough.

632
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,400
I stopped the accordion at a key moment.

633
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,200
It's another moment which is…

634
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,320
It's a bit tough,
but I was very much in love with a girl.

635
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:21,600
In middle school. There was a big party.
I was very much in love with this girl.

636
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:23,040
Ninon.

637
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:24,920
My best friend, Thomas, was at the party.

638
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,000
He knew that I loved Ninon.

639
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,000
I had told him.
Because he was my confidant.

640
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,080
Can you tell where this is going?
Let's go there together.

641
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,240
At this party,
Thomas cleverly brings a guitar.

642
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,480
Out of nowhere!

643
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,320
He stands in a corner,
and he plays a few shitty tunes.

644
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,240
Ninon goes over to him.
That whore puts a hand on his back!

645
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,200
Sorry! I apologize.

646
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,200
I said sorry before you reacted.
It doesn't count.

647
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:53,680
She told him,

648
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,920
"You're so cool, Thomas.
You play the guitar."

649
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:58,920
At this party, she jerked him off.

650
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:11,520
This is France now, ladies and gentlemen.

651
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,640
You jerk off someone
for an F-flat, apparently.

652
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,560
You realize I had told him
I loved her? He still…

653
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,800
Looks like that's okay for you.
Are you crazy?

654
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:30,200
Whose side are you on?

655
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,000
I told him. He knew it!

656
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,160
He betrayed me. It's a Greek betrayal.

657
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,520
It's a stab in the back in the third act.
Same gesture. Disgusting.

658
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,280
It breaks a child's heart.
It stays with you. That's what I mean.

659
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:44,160
I was so angry.

660
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,040
First time I felt like killing someone.

661
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,320
I wanted to strangle Thomas
with my own hands.

662
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,240
I could have. I had strong arms.
Carrying 9.5 kilos every week.

663
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:56,560
It was so unfair.

664
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,920
I thought, "I can't bring
my accordion to this party."

665
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,240
A party on the sixth floor, no elevator.

666
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,800
It's a first-floor instrument.
Or subways. Trenches.

667
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,240
Everything close to hell, gravity-wise.

668
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,360
It's the devil's instrument,

669
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,040
as the pros like to say.

670
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,720
Even if I had managed to bring it up,

671
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:22,920
you can't play the accordion
at a middle school party.

672
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,920
You're having doubts, but think
about any of your middle school parties.

673
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:29,880
Try to visualize…

674
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,480
that kid who doesn't have many friends,
who blinks a lot.

675
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,800
Eating crackers all night long.

676
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,120
He's getting hyped.
He grabs the karaoke mic.

677
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,240
"Come on. Come stand around me.
Don't be afraid!"

678
00:34:47,720 --> 00:34:49,200
"Ninon, this is for you!"

679
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,920
He opens the trunk. There's a trunk!

680
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,440
This huge thing no kid has ever seen.

681
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:55,920
It's like a Fiat 500 for them.

682
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,600
He puts on suspenders.
The word "suspenders"!

683
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,960
With a small latch at the back
to connect the suspenders.

684
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:06,040
Or the accordion could fall on your legs,
and you become disabled for life.

685
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:07,120
Oops, kiddo!

686
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,160
I swear this is true.
My first accordion lesson,

687
00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:12,560
the teacher said,
"Always remember the latch."

688
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,400
-"Or else, see Jean-Louis?"
-"Hi!"

689
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:15,320
"Well…"

690
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,680
The kid has scoliosis,

691
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,280
and he goes, "Ninon!"

692
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,640
The stumps of the Avignon

693
00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:36,800
It's over for him.

694
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:39,720
Over!

695
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,920
No palm will touch his genitals tonight.

696
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,160
No one on earth ever said,

697
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,120
"I'd love to bang the accordionist."

698
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:55,840
Never.

699
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,560
I stopped.
I started doing things I enjoyed.

700
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:01,960
When I was allowed to go to Paris,

701
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,720
I'd often wait outside comedy clubs
after the shows

702
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,120
to talk to the comedians.

703
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:07,440
Because I love humor.

704
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,280
Such a stupid sentence.
Sorry, I take it back.

705
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:13,520
I heard myself, like,

706
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:15,160
"I love humor, yeah."

707
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,720
"And breathing! I love both these things."

708
00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:21,120
"They're requisites.
Yeah, I know smart words too."

709
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,000
I wanted to know how it works.

710
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,320
One comedian introduced me
to a casting director.

711
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,840
I messed up many auditions,
and I pulled one off at 16.5 years old.

712
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,240
It was for Le Petit Journal.

713
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,040
I get my foot in TV at 17 years old.
Which is really too young for TV.

714
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:40,120
The first evening, there's a drinks party
with the crew, celebrities, famous people.

715
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:41,800
In my head, I thought,

716
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,280
"I need to go home right away
so that I can talk to my parents."

717
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,000
I took a taxi. Because I had money.

718
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:49,680
Because TV.

719
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:51,040
Because Jews.

720
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:55,400
And… No, I'm joking!
The show went in a different direction!

721
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,520
"There are so many of them
in this industry!"

722
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:58,720
I'm joking.

723
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,080
I get home in the taxi.

724
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,160
I remember I slammed the car door.

725
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,320
I take my time,
and I watch the taxi turn left,

726
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,920
as though I didn't want any witnesses.

727
00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:12,360
I turn around. The house looks huge.

728
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,320
There's the gravel path
in front of the house.

729
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,080
I still remember the noise of the gravel.
Heavier than usual.

730
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,120
Everything was oppressive. So weird.

731
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,040
I ring the bell.
I'm stressed. I'm not sure why.

732
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:25,160
My mom is in her bathrobe.

733
00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:27,840
She hugs me so hard.
It had never happened to me.

734
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:29,080
So hard!

735
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:33,080
She whispers in my ear, like a secret,
"I'm so proud of you, my son."

736
00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:34,640
I stepped back.

737
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:36,720
And I said,

738
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:39,040
"Very well."

739
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,200
Apparently, I had joined the aristocracy.
"Very well, Mother."

740
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,560
"You can go back to the stables now."

741
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,440
It wasn't like me!
I ran to the family room.

742
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,520
My dad was sitting
in front of the TV, which was off.

743
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:53,240
In his boxer shorts.

744
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,480
He said, "Sit down."

745
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,320
I sit down. I'm like,
"This is a student-teacher conference."

746
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:00,400
He said, "I…"

747
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,960
"I watched Le Journal Petit."

748
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:09,560
"And I…

749
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:13,960
I think that…

750
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,800
you stare into space too much.
You look like an idiot. Too bad."

751
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:22,360
He said that. There was a silence.

752
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,560
He slapped his hand on his thigh.

753
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:26,680
He got up with difficulty.

754
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,480
He said, "Right, good night, everyone."

755
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:30,840
I was alone.

756
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,520
But he used that tone

757
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,280
which all men who plan
to murder their family at night use.

758
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,400
"Good night, everyone."

759
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:39,920
"Sleep very peacefully."

760
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:44,040
And he went to sleep
in his shitty little weasel burrow.

761
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,160
I thought,
"I'll kill you one day, you know!"

762
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:50,880
I was expecting
"I love you" or "I'm proud"

763
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:54,440
because I know he's never ticked that box.

764
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,240
I can't fault him for not doing
a thing he never experienced.

765
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,160
I know my dad loves us with all his heart.

766
00:39:00,240 --> 00:39:01,320
He would kill for us.

767
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,240
He's already done it twice.

768
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:05,800
But there's this kind of wall

769
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,480
between him and the world
as soon as feelings are involved.

770
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:12,640
It terrifies me.
I'm so scared of it happening to me.

771
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,240
When I'm with a girl I love,
and I want to kiss her.

772
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,480
If you don't sort this as a parent,
it echoes through your kids.

773
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,440
It leads to a line of kids
uncomfortable with feelings.

774
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:23,360
"Hello."

775
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,560
It leads to very silent family dinners.

776
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:30,400
We love one another, but we don't say it.
Hearts racing.

777
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,280
Screaming inside.
The kid like, "I know you love me!"

778
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:34,880
"But I'd like to hear it once

779
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,640
because it'd give me confidence
for 25 years!"

780
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:41,640
The dad like,
"Fuck, I love you, son. I could eat you."

781
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:44,000
"I'll eat you! Yum!
Nothing but bones left!"

782
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:45,120
"I'll gobble you up!"

783
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:49,560
"I can't tell you. Love is a feeling.
Feelings are for those with vulvae."

784
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:55,240
The mom like, "Don't worry,
I have enough vulvae to love everyone!"

785
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:58,760
"And I found a rental with a pond!"

786
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:00,840
"Finally!"

787
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:02,520
Such a shame.

788
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,240
We all do stupid things. Me included.

789
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,080
We start hiding our love
in small sentences,

790
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:11,480
in small everyday acts.

791
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,560
We delegate the responsibility
of understanding that it was love

792
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,280
to the person we love.

793
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:18,480
It's getting complicated.

794
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,120
That's called a Trojan horse.
Which is a war strategy.

795
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:27,320
Such a funny question.
Asking myself what I hide my love in.

796
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,880
A few months ago, I realized
that I hide mine in mean jokes.

797
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,240
When I love someone,
I want to destroy them.

798
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,760
It's unhealthy. I realized this
because my housemate,

799
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,480
my best friend,
the guy I've been talking about,

800
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:41,480
had cancer.

801
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:45,560
When we heard, without thinking,
my buddies and I held a surprise party.

802
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,680
To wish him a…

803
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:49,680
We should have thought about it!

804
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,400
"Happy cancer to you, buddy!"

805
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:57,360
We hid in the apartment, behind the sofas,
waiting for him to get in.

806
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,360
When he put the key in the door,

807
00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:02,720
we looked at each other like,
"Maybe it wasn't a good idea,

808
00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:05,040
a surprise cancer party right now."

809
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:06,840
Isn't it unbelievable?

810
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,600
Humans have this ability

811
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:12,000
to realize that an idea
was absolutely shitty from the start

812
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:13,640
in the heat of the moment.

813
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,920
You realize what's at stake right before.

814
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,280
You're like, "Whoa."

815
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,560
"Honey, is now a good time
to have a child?"

816
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,080
The doctor is like,

817
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,600
"Cut the umbilical cord. What's going on?"

818
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,760
That's how we work.
We think after the fact.

819
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:31,160
He had been in the flat
for 10 to 15 seconds. We were still…

820
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,720
We're burglarizing him, actually.

821
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,320
One of my buddies is really brave,
and he went,

822
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:39,320
"Fuck, what…"

823
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,400
He went, "What the…"

824
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,240
We thought a heart attack was a nice gift.

825
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,440
It's a neater way to go.

826
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,960
Hey, he's better. Relax. He's cured.

827
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,360
He allowed me to make jokes.

828
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,880
He said, "You do all the jokes you want
about me and my cancer in your show."

829
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,400
He said this right before he died.

830
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,360
That was the first joke he approved.

831
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,840
At that party, we had a football game.
He likes it.

832
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,960
He was the goalie. Because he had cancer.

833
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:13,560
It's very hard to know how to react
when a loved one tells you this.

834
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:16,040
I was the first he told.

835
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,520
He said, "I have cancer."
I said, "Drink water!"

836
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,440
I don't know why that came out,
but it did.

837
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:24,680
He was the goalie, okay?

838
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,200
He's an awful goalie.

839
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,840
The ball is near him.

840
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,960
It'd have been so easy to catch it,
but he's awful.

841
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:33,000
The ball goes in.

842
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,520
My friends were so angry.
But they couldn't show it.

843
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:38,880
Because he has cancer.

844
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,080
There's nothing more enjoyable
than seeing men swallow their anger.

845
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:46,560
They all went, "No big deal!"

846
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,280
"Focus. Look around you. Right!"

847
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,960
"No problem. We're having fun!"

848
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,880
"Are you having fun? I am!
We're having fun! What a nice evening!"

849
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,160
"We only have one life, right?"

850
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,040
I was so angry.

851
00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:11,400
That's when I realized
I make mean jokes about those I love.

852
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:14,800
I went to see him and I said,
"Sorry. You've got cancer?"

853
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:17,320
"You can get the ball, then."

854
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,480
Meaning, "Very good joke" in Italian.

855
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,200
He was in stitches…
I never drink at the right time.

856
00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:34,960
For all comedians, there's applause, bam.

857
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,520
I'd be an awful doctor.

858
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,400
Like, "So you have…

859
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:49,280
AIDS. Okay."

860
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:51,360
That felt good.

861
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:53,680
He was in stitches.

862
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,720
He knows. He knows where I hide my love.

863
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,320
He saw the kindness in it.
Like, "Best joke of your life!"

864
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:01,400
That offended me.

865
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,640
No, I was so happy.

866
00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,480
I was like, "Best joke of my life!"

867
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:06,920
I looked at all my friends,

868
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,640
and I said something
that I still don't understand today.

869
00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:14,480
"You heard the hot potato
I pulled up this dimwit?"

870
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:16,360
What does that mean?

871
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,320
It came out naturally,
as if I'd grown up in a village.

872
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,600
My friends did the opposite of The Voice.

873
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:25,560
They all looked away.

874
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:28,880
They were all so uncomfortable.

875
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,000
I was too, actually,
because what's when I realized

876
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,840
that I didn't make that joke
to make him laugh,

877
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:38,160
but to make me laugh.

878
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:39,760
Because I was sad.

879
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:41,760
My friend is unwell,

880
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:46,040
and when I felt that I was about to cry,
I'd make jokes about people.

881
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,120
It made me feel better
to see them struggle.

882
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,280
I thought, "You need to see a shrink."

883
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:53,520
I went to see one.

884
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,840
I told her about that party. She said…

885
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:01,800
"So, actually,

886
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:04,640
when you feel vulnerable,

887
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,720
instead of showing
your true colors to others

888
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:10,360
because you're scared
of them rejecting you,

889
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,920
you'd rather make them
more vulnerable than you are."

890
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:16,920
-"I'm an asshole."
-"No."

891
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:19,120
"Not quite."

892
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:21,520
"That isn't the medical term."

893
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,800
"Actually, it's as though…"

894
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,920
-"I'm an asshole."
-"Yes!"

895
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,440
"So that'll be 72 euros."

896
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,520
That lady is unbelievable.
She blows my mind.

897
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:40,360
You think she treads cautiously,
but then she doesn't.

898
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,640
I sent my housemate to her
because of his midlife crisis.

899
00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:45,280
He couldn't talk about it.

900
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:47,240
He saw her so many times.

901
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,960
Then she said something so crazy,
he came home and told me,

902
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:51,200
it blew our minds.

903
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:52,880
She told him,

904
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,760
"This will be our first work session."

905
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,480
"I finally have your diagnosis."

906
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:00,120
"So, you…

907
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,960
you're having a midlife crisis."

908
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:04,600
He said, "Yeah."

909
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,760
"That's why I came here, because…

910
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:10,720
there were clues."

911
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:12,440
"I'm 40."

912
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,200
"I'm going through a crisis."

913
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:18,400
"It doesn't look like it,
but put two and two together,

914
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:19,960
and I'll keep my 72 euros."

915
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:21,520
She said, "No."

916
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:25,640
"You're not keeping anything."

917
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:30,880
"A midlife crisis doesn't mean anything."

918
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:37,560
"Let's say that at birth,
we all had a small shell on our back."

919
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:39,720
"Like a snail."

920
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:41,680
"Follow me."

921
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:43,880
"We go through life."

922
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,760
"When we find a defining experience…

923
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:50,800
in the shell!"

924
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,160
"You didn't care.
You thought you knew who you were."

925
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,320
"So you rushed headfirst into life."

926
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,520
"Fifteen years old, 18, 22, 26, 30…"

927
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:01,840
"You think it's filling up."

928
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:03,920
"But I know. It's my job."

929
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:06,520
"Knock knock, the shell is empty."

930
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:12,040
"So you go on."

931
00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:14,960
"Thirty-three, 36, 40."

932
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,400
"At 40, you stop."

933
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:17,440
"You take stock."

934
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,280
"You want to know what you've set aside.
And you went…"

935
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,440
"But there's nothing in my shell!"

936
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:28,880
"Shell… shell…"

937
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,880
"What do you do
when you have lost something?"

938
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:35,480
"What do we all do?"

939
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:39,760
"Hello, Shell Police?"

940
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:44,080
"I know. It's silly.
But that's a midlife crisis."

941
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:45,360
"It's an emergency."

942
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:47,760
"But there isn't one."

943
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:50,880
"Because it's too late."

944
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:55,480
"You're a slug."

945
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,680
He was completely disoriented.

946
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,360
He limped back home.

947
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:08,240
I was happy on the sofa.

948
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,640
He jumped at me like, "You gotta live!"

949
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,160
I was like,
"That was the plan before you caught me."

950
00:48:14,240 --> 00:48:17,240
He said,
"You have to learn to collect… because…

951
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:20,000
because then, knock knock, the shell."

952
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:20,920
"Okay."

953
00:48:21,720 --> 00:48:24,720
"I'm missing some details.
I don't know everything."

954
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:26,120
"Hello, Shell Police?"

955
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,360
"Okay. Whoa."

956
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,200
"Now I have all the bits.
You're scaring me, actually."

957
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:36,200
It was so funny.
It made me feel better to talk about it.

958
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,480
I was going through my twenties,
and I thought,

959
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:41,400
"When does it start?"

960
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:43,600
You ever thought that?

961
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,000
Like, "When do I become myself?
Officially?"

962
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,040
I always felt out of sorts,

963
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,400
not in tune with something
everyone else understood so easily.

964
00:48:52,240 --> 00:48:53,200
It drove me crazy.

965
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,800
To see my housemate, at 40,
ask himself the same questions

966
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,480
as my dad surely did at 70, relaxed me.
It made me feel better.

967
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,280
Our whole lives,
we'll almost be ourselves.

968
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,560
We'll try to manage.
It's the taking part that counts.

969
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,680
We'll be a draft until the end.
It relaxed me.

970
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:11,800
You, less, it looks like. I can tell.

971
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,320
We were ourselves as kids.
We were never more ourselves.

972
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,080
What goes wrong as an adult?

973
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,440
I don't know. Why all these questions?

974
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,160
Do we actually become adults?
Debatable. I don't think so.

975
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:25,480
I think that the adult we all became

976
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,200
grew around the kid we used to be,
to protect him.

977
00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:31,840
Eventually, he suffocated him.
We all have a dead child inside.

978
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,040
That's my outlook on life.
To each their own!

979
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:36,960
Not dead, if it helps!

980
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:38,600
A child in agony inside.

981
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:40,800
Because no matter the age,

982
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:41,960
20, 60, no matter,

983
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,840
you walk down the street,
you see a crosswalk, and you think,

984
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:47,760
"I'll only walk on the white strips."

985
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,480
It's the kid going, "I'm still here!"

986
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:52,520
"Why are you bald?"

987
00:49:54,720 --> 00:49:55,960
That'll happen to me.

988
00:49:57,240 --> 00:49:58,600
I was myself as a kid.

989
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:00,760
I wasn't afraid of anyone.

990
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:01,960
Someone new?

991
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,280
I'd go and see them. "Hello! How are you?"

992
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,160
I wasn't German. Just a weird voice.

993
00:50:07,240 --> 00:50:09,960
People must have thought,
"Here's a German kid. Hello!"

994
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,440
When I was a kid, I was too much myself.

995
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:15,880
You know the kind?

996
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,360
With big adult heads.
They stare at you for eight minutes,

997
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:20,960
as though you owed them money.

998
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:24,520
At a family dinner, I was the type…

999
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,160
You've never seen this kid in your life.

1000
00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:28,200
He looks at you.

1001
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:32,680
He comes over. He pulls at your sweater.
"My butt hurts."

1002
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:36,080
"Okay. What…"

1003
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:42,040
"Was it me you wanted to talk to?
I don't think we've ever communicated."

1004
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:43,800
"Mom had said no moussaka!"

1005
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,080
-"I helped myself twice."
-"Right."

1006
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:51,320
"Okay. Sorry."

1007
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,840
"Marc, did you hear that?
What do I… what…"

1008
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,200
-"What's your name, sweetie?"
-"Panayotis!"

1009
00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:59,840
"Okay, right."

1010
00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:01,280
"Marc, he's an SS soldier!"

1011
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:04,440
"It's very weird. I'm scared.
I need to leave, Marc!"

1012
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,760
As a kid, you just didn't care.
After that, middle school is tough.

1013
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:14,760
It's a small society. Especially tough
when you play the accordion.

1014
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:18,560
In middle school,
to get the others to love me,

1015
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:20,600
to get the older kids to love me,

1016
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:25,120
I'd buy chocolate with my pocket money
and hand it out after school.

1017
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,960
If you're looking for
what emotion to feel, it's pity.

1018
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:32,400
I'd carry melting chocolate
in my pockets all day.

1019
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:34,200
In the evening, I'd wait at the gate,

1020
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:37,280
and when they came out,
I'd go, "Operation Choco-Choco."

1021
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:40,440
Not in my head. Aloud!

1022
00:51:41,240 --> 00:51:44,560
Like a '70s cop in civilian clothes,
a little bit shady.

1023
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:46,160
"Operation Choc-Choco!"

1024
00:51:47,240 --> 00:51:51,200
I'd go see them. It was pathetic.
I'd say, "Do you want some chocolate?"

1025
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,080
I was like a reverse pedophile,
when you think about it.

1026
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:56,960
With older kids, "Want some chocolate?"

1027
00:51:57,040 --> 00:52:00,000
"Come, there's plenty in the Twingo!"

1028
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:02,920
"Come!"

1029
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:08,520
It worked.

1030
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:11,360
I'd hang out with them.
I felt like I was someone.

1031
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:16,200
I had a box of chocolates. I'd take
one or two for school every morning.

1032
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:19,120
One morning, I open the box,
and there's nothing.

1033
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,320
I freaked out
in a way I seldom have in life.

1034
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:24,240
It was sad, but also sort of funny.

1035
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,560
I was running everywhere,
screaming, "Anyone seen my chocolate?"

1036
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,720
Which is sort of funny.
Half sad, half funny.

1037
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:31,640
Sadunny.

1038
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,480
I go see my sister. I ask her.

1039
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:36,400
She just went,

1040
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,120
"No."

1041
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:42,760
I understood, and I cried
all the half salty tears in my body.

1042
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,680
She said this sentence,
now legendary in my family,

1043
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:47,880
"All right, chill, praline!"

1044
00:52:49,720 --> 00:52:51,360
Apparently that was my nickname.

1045
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:54,640
I took a knife.
I said, "I'm gonna stick her!"

1046
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,200
My father came running.

1047
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:58,600
He grabbed the knife.

1048
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:00,400
One piece of advice.

1049
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:05,040
If you want to kill someone,
don't shout your plan just before.

1050
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:07,760
Strangely, that alerts local authorities.

1051
00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:09,840
He took the knife, and he went, "Hey!"

1052
00:53:11,720 --> 00:53:12,720
He paused.

1053
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:16,800
When my dad does that, it means
he's about to teach a life lesson.

1054
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:19,800
My dad isn't very involved
in our education,

1055
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:22,040
but every two years,
he pulls a publicity stunt

1056
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:24,800
so that he gets reelected as Dad.

1057
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:29,400
He was at the end of his nettles mandate.
He needed something big.

1058
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:32,080
He took the knife, and he went, "Hey!"

1059
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:35,160
"You look at… I'm going to do…"

1060
00:53:35,240 --> 00:53:37,160
He had to improvise, poor thing.

1061
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:40,120
He took the knife.

1062
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,600
He gave it to my sister.
"You stick him. I give you permission!"

1063
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:45,120
No, I'm joking.

1064
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,000
He took the knife.
He snapped it against his knee.

1065
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:51,560
You're like, "Your dad had skills!" No.

1066
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:54,360
He cut his hand and his knee.

1067
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:56,440
"See? You shouldn't play with knives!"

1068
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:00,480
"Well, yeah!"

1069
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:05,240
"You too. What was…
You hear yourself speak?"

1070
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,800
"When the sound comes out of your mouth,
does it get to your eardrum?"

1071
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:11,840
He was in denial.

1072
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,440
He's a man. He doesn't get hurt
so foolishly in front of his children.

1073
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:16,960
"You're bleeding. You're okay?"

1074
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:17,920
He was like,

1075
00:54:19,240 --> 00:54:20,560
"What makes you say that?"

1076
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:22,480
That's his catchphrase.

1077
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,160
When he's up against it,
"What makes you say that?"

1078
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,200
He couldn't deny it anymore.
His injury was making noise.

1079
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,240
Like, "Plop."

1080
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:34,920
He went…

1081
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:42,520
"Go get your mom. Let's see."

1082
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:44,680
It was unbelievable.

1083
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,720
I hurried down the stairs.
"Mom, quick, Dad is hurt!"

1084
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:49,880
She said,
"He can handle it. He's grown up!"

1085
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:51,400
"Nein!"

1086
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:55,280
Dad is dying on the wood floor.
We need help.

1087
00:54:57,720 --> 00:54:58,560
It was crazy.

1088
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,400
It was on that day I started to make jokes
for people to love me.

1089
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:04,720
Instead of chocolate.
Simpler. And less dangerous.

1090
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:09,040
Year after year, I started to build
the "almost me" my dad dreamed of.

1091
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:09,960
Self-assured.

1092
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,720
Confident, funny, a bit of a womanizer.

1093
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,840
But never vulnerable.
It's helped me so many times,

1094
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:20,880
but not when I want to kiss a girl I like.

1095
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:25,280
My confident self is
in the bathroom with a glass of water.

1096
00:55:26,720 --> 00:55:28,920
And I'm alone, defenseless, sweating.

1097
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,640
I fell in love with this girl
I talked about like in the movies.

1098
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,760
She said one sentence,
and I was in love. I knew it.

1099
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:41,200
It was self-evident.
Like warm water from my ears to my toes.

1100
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:43,840
For you to understand this sentence,

1101
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:47,040
I need to tell you
one last thing about my childhood.

1102
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:49,560
As a kid, I used to touch my nipples.

1103
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:54,000
If you start snickering now,
we won't be able to talk about it.

1104
00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:56,520
I'm starting to feel comfortable,
I open up,

1105
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:58,720
and you laugh at me. That isn't nice.

1106
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:01,680
Stop looking at me like that.
I see your eyes!

1107
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:04,680
"He seemed like a weird kid,
but that's something else."

1108
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:07,920
No! Each kid had their own weird thing.

1109
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:11,640
No? There was a pause.

1110
00:56:11,720 --> 00:56:13,840
We'd often take
my brother to the hospital,

1111
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:17,320
because he'd go,
"I won't breathe until we get home!"

1112
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,920
After 20 meters,
he'd crash on the pavement like a loser.

1113
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,600
When I was sad, I'd rub my boobs.
That was my thing.

1114
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:28,120
Boobs, tits?
There are many ways to say it.

1115
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,360
Stop looking at me like that!
I see your eyes!

1116
00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:33,920
When my parents told me off,
I'd go to my room, and…

1117
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:36,040
It was my thing.

1118
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:38,080
Throw me in jail!

1119
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:39,320
We all did it.

1120
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,840
It was my own Narnia. I released tension.

1121
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:43,360
That bit doesn't matter.

1122
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:46,600
What matters is, as a kid, I'd think,

1123
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:49,600
"Why don't they talk about
the ability to disappear?" Okay.

1124
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:54,200
So I started to try and talk about it.

1125
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:55,400
To spread the word.

1126
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:58,000
I went to see my friends.

1127
00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:01,560
"When you touch your nipples--"
"Stop hanging out with us."

1128
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:04,920
Quick sentence.

1129
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:09,920
So I tried to talk to my parents' friends
when they came for dinner.

1130
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:11,840
Poor people.

1131
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:15,200
I'd wait on a corner of the sofa,
like this.

1132
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:19,680
Like a hairless cat.

1133
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:23,320
I'd wait for them to hang out their coats.

1134
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:25,120
They'd go up to the room with them.

1135
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:26,120
And I'd strike.

1136
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:27,920
"Sorry, Sylvie,

1137
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:29,680
when you rub your boobies…"

1138
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:32,840
They were so scared of me.

1139
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:34,520
They'd freak out.

1140
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:37,960
For them,
I was Élise Lucet in Cash Investigation.

1141
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:40,360
They'd see me and turn around, "No."

1142
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:43,560
"No undocumented workers
are employed by this company."

1143
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:46,320
"Are you allowed to follow me?
Is this legal?"

1144
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:48,320
They were so scared.

1145
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:54,240
And one evening, my mom came up
to my room, and she said…

1146
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:57,520
"All right, Panayou?"

1147
00:57:58,680 --> 00:57:59,520
"Yeah?"

1148
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:02,640
"Great."

1149
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:06,840
"Marc and Véronique
are coming over tonight."

1150
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:14,040
"You're okay? Yeah?"

1151
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:17,240
"Great."

1152
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:21,680
"Maybe you shouldn't talk to them

1153
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,280
about your little secret?"

1154
00:58:24,360 --> 00:58:25,840
It became taboo at home.

1155
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,920
"But if you want to talk to someone,
we can see a shrink."

1156
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:33,000
I said, "What's a shrink?"

1157
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:36,200
"A shrink, Panayou, is someone you pay

1158
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,480
to feel listened to,
accepted, like everyone else."

1159
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:44,480
The most beautiful definition
of a shrink I've ever heard.

1160
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:47,720
Only with a shrink can you go,
"My name's Philippe."

1161
00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:51,720
"My boss is rude with me,
but I handle it. I stay professional."

1162
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,640
"I go on a cigarette break,
but I don't smoke."

1163
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:59,800
"I get out of work. I turn left
because there's a flower shop."

1164
00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:03,000
"I buy a hamster there,
and I kill it under my armpit."

1165
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:05,960
"That's my thing."

1166
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,600
Only with the shrink can you say that.
Do you realize how lucky that is?

1167
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:11,880
Your best friend would go,

1168
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:13,560
"Philippe, you okay? What…"

1169
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:19,840
"They sell hamsters in flower shops?
I had no idea."

1170
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:22,600
There are so many
overwhelming questions in life.

1171
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:24,600
But the shrink gets excited.

1172
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,440
She's like, "Challenge!"

1173
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:30,720
"What color was the hamster, Philou?"

1174
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:34,560
"Rodents often symbolize Christ
in the subconscious."

1175
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:36,320
"Yeah, let's talk about it."

1176
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:38,560
It's her job.

1177
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:43,360
I sit down, but I understood
that people laugh at me because of this.

1178
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:46,720
So I decide not to talk about it.

1179
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:52,520
-"What do you do all day?"
-"I often touch my nipp--"

1180
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:55,680
"Damn, she's good!"

1181
00:59:57,480 --> 00:59:58,480
"Pay it no mind."

1182
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,080
I'd be terrified
if a kid said, "Pay it no mind."

1183
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:07,840
Their vocabulary is too precise.
"I'll tell you everything, Doctor."

1184
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:10,920
A James Bond villain.

1185
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:12,680
"I shan't omit any details."

1186
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:15,480
"Sometimes I feel

1187
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:17,320
frivolous."

1188
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:20,560
"And I lock myself in my room…"

1189
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,080
"Or rather,

1190
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:24,120
the entrance hall."

1191
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:27,000
"And I rub…

1192
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,000
vigorously, Doctor,

1193
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:34,560
the nipple area."

1194
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:37,320
"And I feel my soul

1195
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:39,720
transcend itself."

1196
01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:43,080
"And I like this feeling, Doctor."

1197
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:47,400
I said it in a way
that was less terrifying.

1198
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:49,400
Trust me. I was less terrifying.

1199
01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:51,640
But I tell her,

1200
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:55,400
and I swear it's true, she just went,

1201
01:00:56,080 --> 01:00:56,920
"What?"

1202
01:00:58,120 --> 01:00:59,200
She laughed!

1203
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:03,800
And I told myself
that I wouldn't talk about it ever again.

1204
01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:05,760
Never ever!

1205
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:08,520
As long as Germany isn't…

1206
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:09,520
No, I'm joking.

1207
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:13,680
But I was extremely embarrassed.
So embarrassed.

1208
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,640
I buried this inside.
I didn't talk about it for years.

1209
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,240
It was my first date with this girl.

1210
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:25,080
Not too long ago, the last girl I…

1211
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:26,400
It was under Chirac.

1212
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:29,440
So it's been a minute.

1213
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,760
It wasn't that long ago,
but I felt uncomfortable.

1214
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:37,440
First date. I joke around
to make her love me, and she stops me.

1215
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:38,480
She says, "Hey."

1216
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,640
"You've been making jokes.
We're not really talking."

1217
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:46,080
"We could get to know each other.
Talk about our lives."

1218
01:01:46,640 --> 01:01:49,080
"Don't you have a funny childhood story?"

1219
01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,840
I said, "I have something,

1220
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:56,520
but you go first, just to see."

1221
01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:59,280
I wanted to know
what kind of story to aim for.

1222
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:02,640
Imagine she says something cute.
"I'll go first."

1223
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:04,560
"I was left-handed,

1224
01:02:05,080 --> 01:02:07,280
but I'd play tennis with my right hand!"

1225
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:11,400
I can't follow with, "Well, as for me,

1226
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:15,080
I'd touch my nipples
to make myself disappear!"

1227
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:17,280
"With both hands! Ambidextrous!" No.

1228
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:23,240
So I let her go first.
She says something a bit daring. I relax.

1229
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:26,080
I tell her. She stops. She says, "What?"

1230
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:29,000
"Me too."

1231
01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:30,800
I said, "What?"

1232
01:02:31,880 --> 01:02:33,760
Have you ever loved someone so hard

1233
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:36,480
you want that person to die
because you can't handle it?

1234
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:38,880
Like, "I like you!"

1235
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,440
"No, I liked them!"

1236
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:43,800
No, that's never happened? Me neither.

1237
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:46,880
I wanted to see if we were the same.

1238
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:48,240
It's the same. Crazy.

1239
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:52,240
I went crazy. "Go on!
Tell me. I'd like to hear."

1240
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:56,160
She said, "I've never told anyone.
I can't tell you here just like that."

1241
01:02:56,240 --> 01:02:57,080
I said, "Yes!"

1242
01:02:58,240 --> 01:02:59,240
She said, "Well…"

1243
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:07,800
"When I was little,
I felt like I was in the way."

1244
01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:11,680
"I'd lock myself in the bathroom.
I was so ashamed."

1245
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:15,560
"I felt like I was carrying
the weight of the world on my shoulders."

1246
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:19,920
"I'd go to the bathroom. No water.
Just the cold tiles. It was horrible."

1247
01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:22,840
"And I'd rub one rib. Mine was a rib."

1248
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:25,520
"It'd feel like an electroshock."

1249
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:28,160
"I felt like I was disappearing."

1250
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:32,640
"I wasn't there anymore.
It felt good. Like dying for a bit."

1251
01:03:32,720 --> 01:03:34,840
"It'd make me appreciate life more."

1252
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:40,000
I told her, "Can I…

1253
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,200
can I rub my nipple against your rib?"

1254
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:46,760
"To see if we'd both disappear
to the same place."

1255
01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:48,560
She laughed.

1256
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:51,200
It wasn't a joke. She laughed.

1257
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:54,280
I was in love with her.

1258
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:57,280
I couldn't kiss her on the first date.

1259
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:01,200
Second date, I could tell she wanted to.
I couldn't do it.

1260
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:04,400
Third date. A disaster.
I told you about the fourth date.

1261
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:08,200
She leaves the flat after the fourth date.
I'm on the sofa with my housemate.

1262
01:04:08,280 --> 01:04:11,200
I'm in despair.
"She's going to move on. Rightfully."

1263
01:04:11,720 --> 01:04:15,120
"Four dates? Then eight?
Twelve? I'll need to pay her a salary!"

1264
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:16,560
"It's an employment contract!"

1265
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:19,160
He wasn't listening. He was pacing.

1266
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:20,760
He said, "No!"

1267
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:23,720
"We're going to kiss her!"

1268
01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:27,320
I said, "You're too involved.
You're scaring me."

1269
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:28,960
He said, "Now you listen!"

1270
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:33,360
"Fifth date. You invite her here.
I'll be in my room. I won't listen."

1271
01:04:34,320 --> 01:04:37,800
"She rings. You open.
But she stays in the corridor."

1272
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:41,240
"She's just rang.
You open. You don't talk."

1273
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:44,000
"You look her in the eye,
and you kiss her."

1274
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:46,960
"You step back. You bring her in."

1275
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:49,320
"You go, 'Hey.'"

1276
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:53,440
"Weren't those
the longest three minutes of your life?"

1277
01:04:57,240 --> 01:04:59,760
With hindsight,
I understand that it was trash.

1278
01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:04,040
But right then, don't be mad,
I was like, "You're a genius!"

1279
01:05:04,120 --> 01:05:06,120
So many things point to the opposite.

1280
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,400
Eight ex-wives.
Twelve times child support.

1281
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:09,480
Is it even legal?

1282
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:13,560
I listened to him.
72 hours later, I was all dressed up,

1283
01:05:13,640 --> 01:05:15,240
waiting for the fifth date.

1284
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:19,920
She gets there.
We could hear her heels on the wood floor.

1285
01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:23,360
"We" because he opened his door.
"You hear? She's coming!"

1286
01:05:23,440 --> 01:05:25,200
"Okay. I feel pity for the two of us."

1287
01:05:25,280 --> 01:05:27,960
"It's very weird. Put on your pants."

1288
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:30,920
She rings.

1289
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:36,040
I open.

1290
01:05:37,960 --> 01:05:39,320
I look her in the eye.

1291
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:42,800
And nothing.

1292
01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:45,400
In my head, it's like…

1293
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:51,840
And she steps closer to come in.
As expected.

1294
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:55,120
Imagine. You ring someone's door.
They open, and…

1295
01:05:57,320 --> 01:06:00,640
You start doubting yourself.
"Did I ring or did you?"

1296
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:02,720
"Who's coming in? I don't get it."

1297
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,520
So she comes closer without thinking.
I'm freaking out.

1298
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:08,680
He said she should stay in the corridor!

1299
01:06:09,240 --> 01:06:12,400
I use my elbow to block her,
as if this was a natural pose.

1300
01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:14,680
She steps back.
She says, "You okay, Panayotis?"

1301
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:17,320
I think, "It's now or never. Go for it!"

1302
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:21,040
I go to kiss her,
but not like in a romantic movie.

1303
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:22,960
Like a zombie movie.

1304
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:24,680
I went…

1305
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:28,920
The closer I got,
the further back she went.

1306
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:31,520
I thought, "It's further than I thought."

1307
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,760
"If I'd known, I would've brought snacks."

1308
01:06:35,560 --> 01:06:39,480
I couldn't go further. I'd reached
the limit of my isometric butt muscles.

1309
01:06:40,120 --> 01:06:40,960
No kissing.

1310
01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:42,360
No touching. Nothing.

1311
01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:45,480
But I had nothing else to say but,

1312
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,360
"Weren't these
the longest three minutes of your life?"

1313
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:51,680
Embarrassing. I used that tone.

1314
01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:54,720
Disgusting. Like I had just tortured her.

1315
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:58,440
"The longest three minutes of your life,
Jean Moulin!"

1316
01:06:58,520 --> 01:07:00,880
So weird.

1317
01:07:00,960 --> 01:07:04,760
She straightened up.
"The longest three minutes of my life?"

1318
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:09,200
"Is this about that weird
three-minute thing from last time?"

1319
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:12,640
"You tried to kiss me?"

1320
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:15,120
I said,

1321
01:07:16,640 --> 01:07:18,000
"What makes you say that?"

1322
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:22,440
I couldn't touch my nipple to disappear.
She knew about it!

1323
01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:27,160
Literally, I thought,
"It'd help the two of us if she died."

1324
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:30,120
"We'll move on."

1325
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:31,760
"Me, especially."

1326
01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:34,560
So I failed. I'm in the apartment.

1327
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:37,960
She's in the corridor.
There's an open door between us.

1328
01:07:38,040 --> 01:07:39,040
Just like that.

1329
01:07:39,120 --> 01:07:39,960
We're talking.

1330
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:46,160
In my blind spot, I can tell that
there's someone by the wall there.

1331
01:07:47,040 --> 01:07:47,960
I just hear,

1332
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:50,520
"Kiss her!"

1333
01:07:51,560 --> 01:07:53,520
As if he was commentating
on a football game!

1334
01:07:54,040 --> 01:07:56,440
She hears a voice. She looks in.

1335
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:57,520
She sees him!

1336
01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:00,000
"Is he your housemate?"

1337
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:02,160
I say, "Huh? What?"

1338
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:04,120
She says, "He's not your housemate?"

1339
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:09,560
"There's a man in his shorts
in your family room."

1340
01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:13,080
"Is that why
you don't want me to come in?"

1341
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:16,720
Not sure if that was a joke,
or if she wanted to push me a bit.

1342
01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:20,000
But I took everything literally.
And I said…

1343
01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:27,880
"I don't see anyone."

1344
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:30,600
I denied someone.

1345
01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:32,880
Literally.

1346
01:08:33,440 --> 01:08:35,440
Even though he was there. I tried.

1347
01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:39,880
It's bold. As if she was gonna say,
"Your lamp is really stylish!"

1348
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:41,840
I'm so stupid!

1349
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:44,760
I thought, "No, you didn't say that."

1350
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:47,920
I tried to put it right
and pretend it was a joke,

1351
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:49,920
but the pause was a telltale.

1352
01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:51,760
"I don't see anyone."

1353
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:56,760
What a moron.

1354
01:08:58,080 --> 01:09:01,040
Luckily, she's got a sense of humor.
She said, "He isn't real?"

1355
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:03,080
"Okay."

1356
01:09:07,720 --> 01:09:09,400
"I can see him really well."

1357
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,160
"Sorry! Nice to meet you."

1358
01:09:15,880 --> 01:09:17,960
"This is a weird question,
but are you real?"

1359
01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:19,600
And he went…

1360
01:09:30,440 --> 01:09:31,680
"Fuck, I don't know."

1361
01:09:35,120 --> 01:09:36,880
"But we're gonna fill up that shell."

1362
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:48,640
The truth is worse.

1363
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:51,480
She talked to him.
He just turned and left.

1364
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:54,120
Like, "If I don't reply,
she won't know I was there."

1365
01:09:55,080 --> 01:09:57,200
She looked at me.

1366
01:09:57,720 --> 01:10:00,160
With a face that was like,
"You're a bit silly at times."

1367
01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:01,720
She pushed the door.

1368
01:10:02,480 --> 01:10:04,160
She walked in confidently.

1369
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:05,440
As if she paid rent.

1370
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:08,800
And she just pushed me into a corner.

1371
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:11,320
She looked me in the eye.

1372
01:10:12,560 --> 01:10:13,480
It wasn't cute.

1373
01:10:14,560 --> 01:10:15,400
An owl.

1374
01:10:19,160 --> 01:10:21,920
I could tell she realized
that I just didn't know how.

1375
01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:26,000
That it was out of reach.
Not part of my family's DNA.

1376
01:10:27,960 --> 01:10:28,800
She kissed me.

1377
01:10:35,440 --> 01:10:36,520
I'm not a puppy!

1378
01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:41,320
It sounded a bit like,
"He pooped on his own!"

1379
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:43,040
"Well done, Melchior!" No.

1380
01:10:47,640 --> 01:10:48,800
I didn't feel anything.

1381
01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:53,640
"We don't know where we stand!"

1382
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:58,800
I became a granite block in front of her.

1383
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:03,960
I felt cold.
I felt distant from her, from myself.

1384
01:11:04,040 --> 01:11:06,400
From everything. I felt alone. So weird.

1385
01:11:06,920 --> 01:11:08,480
She went over to the sofa.

1386
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:11,120
So I went too.
It's my place. It's strange.

1387
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:15,720
We talk for an hour or two.
And when we talk,

1388
01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:18,840
I feel like I think that I love her.

1389
01:11:19,560 --> 01:11:21,120
But nothing when she kisses me.

1390
01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:24,480
She has work early, so she has to go.

1391
01:11:24,560 --> 01:11:27,720
I walk her to the door.
She kisses me very slowly.

1392
01:11:27,800 --> 01:11:29,920
Nothing. Less than before. It's so weird.

1393
01:11:30,680 --> 01:11:31,760
She says,

1394
01:11:33,040 --> 01:11:35,000
"Well, I think
we're gonna see more of each other."

1395
01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:37,200
I said, "Yes."

1396
01:11:41,400 --> 01:11:42,520
I was allowed by then.

1397
01:11:44,160 --> 01:11:45,200
I was so lost.

1398
01:11:46,480 --> 01:11:48,600
I came back in. Well, I walked one meter.

1399
01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:52,440
I sat on the sofa, and I thought,

1400
01:11:52,520 --> 01:11:54,440
literally, word for word,

1401
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:56,880
"Now you know."

1402
01:11:59,080 --> 01:12:00,560
"You don't know how to love."

1403
01:12:01,720 --> 01:12:04,320
It sent shivers down my spine.
It's silly, but I believed it.

1404
01:12:04,400 --> 01:12:09,360
I convinced myself for a whole minute.
"You don't know how to love. It happens."

1405
01:12:09,440 --> 01:12:11,840
"Your dad can't really do it,
and so you don't know."

1406
01:12:11,920 --> 01:12:12,960
"That's how it works."

1407
01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:15,960
"Some people are good at love,
and some aren't."

1408
01:12:16,040 --> 01:12:19,920
"Like bread. Some people can make bread.
Others, you try their bread. It's a no."

1409
01:12:20,840 --> 01:12:22,080
"It needs more salt."

1410
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:25,160
My housemate came out.

1411
01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:27,920
He'd heard everything.
He put his hand on my shoulder.

1412
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:29,840
He whispered,

1413
01:12:30,520 --> 01:12:33,600
"You're a man now, damn it!
I'm proud of you".

1414
01:12:34,920 --> 01:12:36,840
I felt a fluttering in my stomach.

1415
01:12:38,160 --> 01:12:40,320
I thought, "Have I been in love with him?"

1416
01:12:43,520 --> 01:12:46,320
I'd love to tell you
that I'm dating this girl,

1417
01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:47,680
that we have beautiful kids,

1418
01:12:47,760 --> 01:12:51,480
that we see each other
for brunch every weekend.

1419
01:12:52,720 --> 01:12:53,640
Eggs Benedict.

1420
01:12:55,080 --> 01:12:56,440
But I never saw her again.

1421
01:12:59,320 --> 01:13:00,440
Some are disappointed.

1422
01:13:01,240 --> 01:13:03,280
For you, it's a show.
For me, it's my life.

1423
01:13:07,960 --> 01:13:10,400
We had the opening for the show recently.

1424
01:13:11,200 --> 01:13:13,680
I mean, before this beautiful pandemic.

1425
01:13:13,760 --> 01:13:15,680
Yum! We should do it again.

1426
01:13:17,120 --> 01:13:20,400
I was so scared before the opening.
I call my mom when I'm scared.

1427
01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:22,600
I tell her I'm scared. Pragmatic.

1428
01:13:23,760 --> 01:13:25,760
I say, "I don't feel like myself."

1429
01:13:26,520 --> 01:13:28,520
She said, "He's so annoying with this!"

1430
01:13:29,040 --> 01:13:30,680
"Yes, Panayou, you're yourself!"

1431
01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:33,600
"When you called, it was your name!"

1432
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:36,440
She's always so cute in moments like this.

1433
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:38,360
"Is it about the show?"

1434
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:41,760
I said, "I don't know. I think so, yeah."

1435
01:13:42,440 --> 01:13:43,880
"Listen, it's your opening."

1436
01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:47,240
"An opening on stage
is like every first time."

1437
01:13:47,320 --> 01:13:48,480
"You try things out."

1438
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:51,240
"If you're not feeling it,
try something else. No big deal"

1439
01:13:52,040 --> 01:13:53,200
"And it's your opening."

1440
01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:56,200
"You're going to screw up. No big deal."
"Stop!"

1441
01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:58,760
"One sentence too many. No, thank you."

1442
01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:01,680
She always puts it right
like Jean-Claude Van Damme.

1443
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:07,920
She went, "No, you're going to screw
the nail of success!"

1444
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:09,840
She stutters,
and she hands the phone to my dad.

1445
01:14:11,400 --> 01:14:14,640
He takes the phone.
I hear him breathing. I go all-in.

1446
01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:15,560
I tell him,

1447
01:14:16,520 --> 01:14:17,360
"I'm scared."

1448
01:14:17,960 --> 01:14:19,920
It's about feelings.
I can hear him clam up.

1449
01:14:21,280 --> 01:14:25,240
He says, "Is it about the show?"
I say, "What makes you say that?"

1450
01:14:25,960 --> 01:14:27,800
He says, "Call me after the opening."

1451
01:14:28,320 --> 01:14:31,240
"Tell me once things are done.
Not when you're doing them."

1452
01:14:33,640 --> 01:14:34,480
I heard the…

1453
01:14:35,760 --> 01:14:38,720
only dads do on the phone
after a weird, mean joke.

1454
01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:41,160
I understood we were the same.

1455
01:14:42,080 --> 01:14:43,760
I played his game for the first time.

1456
01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:46,760
"Want me to tell you
once things are done?"

1457
01:14:47,320 --> 01:14:48,160
"Okay."

1458
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:52,360
"When my girlfriend is pregnant,
I'll tell you when it's born?"

1459
01:14:53,320 --> 01:14:55,520
He said, "Yes."

1460
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:58,160
So much ego.

1461
01:14:58,880 --> 01:15:01,320
We want to see
which one of us would break first.

1462
01:15:02,320 --> 01:15:05,520
"Call me once your girlfriend
is back from the hospital."

1463
01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:08,680
"She'll call you herself,
so I don't have to talk to you."

1464
01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:12,560
He goes,
"The baby will call. Don't worry."

1465
01:15:15,960 --> 01:15:18,280
Because he's really funny, he added,

1466
01:15:19,440 --> 01:15:21,040
"Still don't have a girlfriend, right?"

1467
01:15:22,920 --> 01:15:24,200
"Call me once it's done."

1468
01:15:35,320 --> 01:15:36,720
"Actually, about that,

1469
01:15:36,800 --> 01:15:38,160
maybe I wrote this show

1470
01:15:39,200 --> 01:15:41,440
to tell you and Mom
something I'd struggle to say

1471
01:15:41,520 --> 01:15:44,080
and which I can't even tell myself,
and it's annoying."

1472
01:15:45,440 --> 01:15:46,280
He said,

1473
01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:49,760
"I think we know, little punk."

1474
01:15:51,640 --> 01:15:53,560
"You should know that I…" And I went…

1475
01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:55,840
He said, "What?"

1476
01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:57,280
I said, "Don't say it."

1477
01:15:57,880 --> 01:15:59,240
He said, "I don't want to."

1478
01:15:59,760 --> 01:16:00,840
I go, "Don't say it."

1479
01:16:01,560 --> 01:16:02,560
"I won't say it."

1480
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:04,840
There was a pause.

1481
01:16:05,760 --> 01:16:06,840
He just added…

1482
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:10,800
"Have a good show, son."

1483
01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:12,400
And I said,

1484
01:16:13,840 --> 01:16:14,680
"You too."

1485
01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:19,360
I almost said,

1486
01:16:20,480 --> 01:16:22,200
"Thank you. Have a good evening."

1487
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:32,840
THANK YOU TO MY MOM AND DAD