WEBVTT FILE

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[Music]

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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Hi, Kelly McFarland? My name's Corey.

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I got your name from Leah
Colson down the street.

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Jim from the Rotary Club
sent me. You know Jim, right?

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Yeah.

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I came by today, taking a moment of
your precious time, because your friend

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did not want you to miss out on
a once in a lifetime opportunity.

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The Sebi 570.

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I can read your face. Great.

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Another door to door salesman.

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I already have a vacuum cleaner, Corey!

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I know what you're thinking.

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All vacuum manufacturers are the same,

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and there's no real difference
between their products, right?

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- I guess.
- Well, actually,

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that's true.

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But Sebi's not a vacuum manufacturer.

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It was founded by three rocket scientists

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at NASA who built a prototype
during their lunch break.

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They skipped lunch for four years

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until they had a product that
they were not only happy with,

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but they could deliver to you for the
remarkable low price of only $279.99.

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The Sebi 570 is not simply a vacuum.

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It's an investment in a
more promising future,

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where the world's problems are solved.

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When we all work together.

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So Kelly, are you interested?

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[door slam]

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[door slam]

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- Would you take a check?
- Absolutely.

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- All right. Great!

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Wait. I'll be right back.

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[jazz music]

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So, how'd you do?

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Three. Stuck on triples.

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How about you?

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Four. Almost five.

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Man. You're so hot right now.

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I'm locked in, brother.

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What's your secret?

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I don't know.

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It's just coming easy.

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It's like I see the sale
before it even happens.

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Like Rajon Rondo reading the 'D.'

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I know they want to buy it,
and I'm just helping them out.

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That's really what it is.

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You're just helping them out?

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I'm facilitating their future.

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You don't believe me, but it's true.

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Look who it is over here.

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America's favorite
salesman coming in here!

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Is that my buddy? Is that C-Rod?

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- Boom!
- Look at that face.

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- Look at that smile.

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Somebody had a good day.

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Man, you know I had a good day.

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I always have a good day.

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Let's start. I have one order.

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Two orders.

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Three orders.

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Umm, actually... I just had three.

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You actually really had me there.

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I was feeling bad about myself.

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Yeah, man. Hey man, let's get a table!

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So you probably
noticed that I haven't been

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hanging out after work
on Thursdays recently?

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- No. -No.

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Really??

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Well, I haven't.

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I've been taking a poetry class.

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[Corey and Will laugh]

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For real.

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My first reading is tomorrow night.

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You're both invited.

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Why didn't you tell us before?

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I don't know.

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I thought I might quit to be honest.

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Poetry?!

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Yeah, I've been getting into it.

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I've been looking for something.

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Something more than just making
sales and drinking beer, you know?

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[Will scoffs]

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So I figured I'd try poetry.

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And it's been hard,

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but good. Finding words you
believe in... Express how you feel?

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It's way harder than making a sales pitch.

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I'm going to be nervous.

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So I appreciate it if you guys both came.

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Man, you know we'll be there.

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Uhh, will the poems rhyme?

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No.

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So this is like a real cultural
experience type thing?

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You're not going to understand everything.

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Just do your best.

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What pentameter you gonna be in?

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OK, now, just stop.

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Acting like he knows what a pentameter is.

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You don't know anything
about a pentameter!

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- I know haikus, baby!
- What is it?

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5-7-5.

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OK.

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I'm proud of you.

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We'll be there with bells
on. To honor our friend--

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The next Shel Silverstein!

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Yeah, let's go man!

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[sounds of laughter]

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I'm starving!

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[more laughter]

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I'll see you all tomorrow, alright?

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Alright man. Later.

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See you tomorrow!

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[music]

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Fuck.

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[TV plays]

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Will? Is that you?

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Yeah, ma.

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I'm glad you're home, honey.

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I missed you.

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Thanks, Mom.

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[TV plays] [music fades out]

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Today's product: Blade Co. knife sets.

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These things are great.

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They chop, they cleave, they dice.

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Your goal is to sell one an hour.

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But before we get into all that,

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you may have noticed we
have a new member of the team.

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Hi, I'm Tooky. Excited to be here.

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Well, introduce yourselves!

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[they all talk over each other]

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Great, OK.

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Now, which one of you are
going to take her out for training?

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You like this job?

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Why?

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'Cause sales has been great to me.

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Whether you make it or not in
this business... All depends on you.

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You control your own schedule.

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Your hours.

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There's not a lot of
places like that anymore.

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Plus, I get to work with my best friends.

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How about you?

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What got you into it?

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This is the only job that
brought me in for an interview.

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Hmm.

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I was going to New England
School of Design for college.

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Oh yeah? Never heard of it.

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They don't exist anymore.

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They folded my junior year, so I have a
lot of student loan debt and no degree.

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Damn.

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I figure if I could start
paying them back now,

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the loan companies will
try and keep me alive,

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until I give them everything I owe.

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Which should be about the time I turn 93.

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At least you got a plan, right?

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Yeah, I got it all figured out.

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How you doing today, ma'am?

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Get lost.

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[door slams]

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It happens.

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So you went to New
England School of Design?

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Yeah.

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So you're like an artist?!

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I don't know. I guess.

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Cool.

166
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I've been getting into art myself lately.

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Taking a poetry class.

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Oh, good for you! I love poetry!

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Really?

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My class is having
its first reading tonight,

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If you're interested.

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Uhh,

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nah, I'm good.

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Okay.

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Can I help you?

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How are you this morning? My
name is Orlando and this is Tooky.

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Orlando??

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Your last name is Baxter.

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Landy!!

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It's me, Sharla Paige!

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Let's go.

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Oh, no no no...

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Come on in.

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Please do come in.

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So.

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What are you selling?

187
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I'm not selling anything.

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What I do have is an opportunity
that might suit your needs.

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How often do you cook meals at home?

190
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I'm sorry. This is hilarious.

191
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See, me and Landy used
to date in high school,

192
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and he used to always say he was
gonna be the best salesman in the country.

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Ain't that right?

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And I was like, babe, that's great.

195
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But maybe you should sell your self on
doing your homework from time to time.

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Come to class before lunch, maybe??

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As you can see, I've
done quite well for myself.

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I've done well for myself, too.

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I didn't mean it like that.

200
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I was just explaining
to her the situation.

201
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Tooky, would you like a glass of iced tea?

202
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No, thank you.

203
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No?!

204
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Clearly he's training you.

205
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Listen, saying no to a potential client?!

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Bad technique. Not good.

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I insist.

208
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Hector.

209
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Yes, dear.

210
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Three iced teas.

211
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Okay.

212
00:09:55.071 --> 00:09:56.914
Anyways, as I was saying--

213
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You know something funny?

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I worked the trading desk at Goldman Sachs

215
00:10:00.758 --> 00:10:06.000
for 20 years, so I guess in a
sense, I became a salesman too.

216
00:10:06.643 --> 00:10:08.657
Maybe that was your influence.

217
00:10:08.658 --> 00:10:09.400
I doubt it.

218
00:10:09.457 --> 00:10:10.457
Sales at that level,

219
00:10:10.458 --> 00:10:12.300
it's a whole different arena.

220
00:10:12.414 --> 00:10:14.086
That's the big leagues there.

221
00:10:14.257 --> 00:10:19.829
And I was like Blake Griffin just
dunking on fools until I make partner.

222
00:10:19.986 --> 00:10:22.414
You know, if you ever
want a real challenge

223
00:10:22.415 --> 00:10:25.014
for a change, do something important.

224
00:10:25.171 --> 00:10:26.700
You should try it.

225
00:10:26.857 --> 00:10:28.100
I am important.

226
00:10:28.101 --> 00:10:31.186
I've been the top seller at my
company for the last 11 months.

227
00:10:32.686 --> 00:10:34.257
Cute. Selling what?

228
00:10:34.258 --> 00:10:39.386
Diet pills? Tupperware?
Big Mouth Billy Bass?

229
00:10:39.514 --> 00:10:42.271
Honey, what you do is not important.

230
00:10:42.757 --> 00:10:46.014
It just fills people's
beautiful homes with junk.

231
00:10:47.100 --> 00:10:49.114
You know what? Fuck it. I'm out.

232
00:10:49.714 --> 00:10:51.329
Why? So soon?

233
00:10:53.229 --> 00:10:54.500
Nice to meet you.

234
00:10:54.501 --> 00:10:56.571
But you haven't made your pitch yet.

235
00:10:56.572 --> 00:10:57.414
Here's my pitch.

236
00:10:57.415 --> 00:10:59.943
And you better not have
gotten me off my hot streak.

237
00:10:59.944 --> 00:11:01.543
You've been off your hot streak.

238
00:11:04.643 --> 00:11:06.143
Who's that, babe?

239
00:11:06.144 --> 00:11:07.343
Oh, nobody.

240
00:11:07.757 --> 00:11:10.957
But I'm going to need you to
drink all three of those yourself.

241
00:11:11.186 --> 00:11:12.029
OK.

242
00:11:12.629 --> 00:11:13.700
Don't be wasteful.

243
00:11:18.543 --> 00:11:22.457
I mean, this is not your
average day-to-day knife set.

244
00:11:22.600 --> 00:11:23.714
Yeah.

245
00:11:24.114 --> 00:11:26.157
You know how I know?

246
00:11:26.186 --> 00:11:27.386
The weight.

247
00:11:27.400 --> 00:11:28.157
Mmhmm.

248
00:11:29.786 --> 00:11:30.900
It's fantastic.

249
00:11:31.829 --> 00:11:33.257
It's like a sparrow's wing.

250
00:11:33.258 --> 00:11:34.500
Yeah.

251
00:11:38.343 --> 00:11:39.843
This is, uh...

252
00:11:40.600 --> 00:11:41.757
Japan--

253
00:11:43.657 --> 00:11:45.986
Japanese steel?

254
00:11:46.957 --> 00:11:49.771
Yeah. You're gonna take one, right?

255
00:11:50.700 --> 00:11:51.814
Absolutely.

256
00:11:51.815 --> 00:11:52.900
Great.

257
00:11:53.171 --> 00:11:54.500
Let me get some cash.

258
00:11:54.501 --> 00:11:56.000
Okay.

259
00:12:01.014 --> 00:12:06.700
You know, Corey, I might actually
have a little business proposition for you.

260
00:12:08.271 --> 00:12:09.129
Come here.

261
00:12:09.130 --> 00:12:09.900
Nah, man...

262
00:12:09.901 --> 00:12:12.129
Come on. Come on, bud.

263
00:12:12.130 --> 00:12:13.343
I'm all set, man.

264
00:12:13.344 --> 00:12:15.586
I promise it's worth your time, Corey.

265
00:12:18.800 --> 00:12:20.800
Okay...

266
00:12:21.314 --> 00:12:23.271
It's gonna be worth your time, buddy.

267
00:12:23.272 --> 00:12:24.385
I promise you that.

268
00:12:24.386 --> 00:12:28.071
You know, it's funny, you
are a very good salesman.

269
00:12:28.072 --> 00:12:29.985
And I assume you need stuff to sell.

270
00:12:29.986 --> 00:12:35.414
And here I am, with some very
good stuff, and no clue how to sell it.

271
00:12:37.514 --> 00:12:39.371
The Life Tendrils?

272
00:12:39.372 --> 00:12:40.485
It's my book.

273
00:12:40.486 --> 00:12:42.128
Bob Donnelly.

274
00:12:42.129 --> 00:12:43.571
That's me.

275
00:12:44.486 --> 00:12:45.986
What's it about?

276
00:12:45.987 --> 00:12:46.857
Corey...

277
00:12:46.858 --> 00:12:48.086
What's a map about?

278
00:12:48.087 --> 00:12:51.900
Is it about anything, or does it
take you where you need to go?

279
00:12:51.901 --> 00:12:55.300
Inside this book, you'll
find life observations,

280
00:12:55.929 --> 00:13:02.243
The secret to living a fulfilling
existence in an otherwise very dark world.

281
00:13:02.471 --> 00:13:03.814
It's really good.

282
00:13:03.815 --> 00:13:06.585
And I was hoping you
would sell it for me...?

283
00:13:06.586 --> 00:13:08.671
Oh no, I don't make decisions like that.

284
00:13:08.672 --> 00:13:10.628
You got to talk to my boss, Tony.

285
00:13:11.386 --> 00:13:12.686
Let's call him.

286
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:15.314
He's really busy.

287
00:13:20.100 --> 00:13:21.143
He's busy.

288
00:13:21.144 --> 00:13:23.857
- Yeah.
- Well, you're busy. I'm busy, Corey.

289
00:13:23.858 --> 00:13:25.328
We're all busy.

290
00:13:25.329 --> 00:13:25.857
Yeah.

291
00:13:25.858 --> 00:13:27.871
Too busy for the phone, though, huh?

292
00:13:28.586 --> 00:13:29.857
How about this?

293
00:13:30.214 --> 00:13:31.457
Give me his email.

294
00:13:31.900 --> 00:13:33.729
No, man, I don't know about that.

295
00:13:34.043 --> 00:13:35.214
You know, it's just--

296
00:13:35.215 --> 00:13:38.885
Corey, I respect you too
much to waste your time--

297
00:13:38.886 --> 00:13:39.442
Okay.

298
00:13:39.443 --> 00:13:41.699
I could tell when you walked
in here: you're an alpha.

299
00:13:41.700 --> 00:13:43.742
I'm an alpha. Okay?

300
00:13:43.743 --> 00:13:45.971
- Yeah.
- Alpha-to-alpha.

301
00:13:45.972 --> 00:13:47.457
This is a good deal for you.

302
00:13:47.458 --> 00:13:49.100
- Okay.
- How about this?

303
00:13:49.101 --> 00:13:52.171
I know what gets you going. 40 bucks?

304
00:13:52.700 --> 00:13:53.643
40 bucks for what?

305
00:13:53.644 --> 00:13:54.929
You give me his email.

306
00:13:56.000 --> 00:13:57.271
40 bucks for an email.

307
00:13:57.529 --> 00:13:59.500
Oh. Alright.

308
00:13:59.671 --> 00:14:01.829
- Yes!
- Alright, okay.

309
00:14:01.971 --> 00:14:03.429
Alright, alright, alright.

310
00:14:03.430 --> 00:14:05.200
We got a deal, my friend.

311
00:14:05.514 --> 00:14:07.514
And listen to me, listen to this...

312
00:14:07.515 --> 00:14:09.600
- Yeah.
- Because you're such a good guy.

313
00:14:10.143 --> 00:14:11.257
One free copy.

314
00:14:12.443 --> 00:14:14.800
Listen, thank you. But no thank you.

315
00:14:14.986 --> 00:14:18.314
- I appreciate the book.
- Take the book!

316
00:14:18.315 --> 00:14:21.071
- I appreciate your offer--
- And I appreciate you taking it.

317
00:14:21.072 --> 00:14:24.142
- Thank you.
- No, you should take it. Corey!

318
00:14:24.143 --> 00:14:26.828
- Listen-- -Take the fucking
book. Take the fucking book.

319
00:14:28.986 --> 00:14:30.743
- Thank you.
- Thank you!

320
00:14:30.744 --> 00:14:31.843
Alright. Okay...

321
00:14:31.844 --> 00:14:33.129
Let me get the cash.

322
00:14:33.130 --> 00:14:35.643
Yeah, cool. Sounds good. Get off me...

323
00:14:36.414 --> 00:14:41.286
It was Colonel Mustard with
the lead pipe...To my heart!

324
00:14:42.157 --> 00:14:45.614
Why do I fall for men in art?

325
00:14:45.615 --> 00:14:47.457
[poem continues in background]

326
00:14:47.458 --> 00:14:48.986
Yo!

327
00:14:49.357 --> 00:14:50.971
Yo, what's up...

328
00:14:52.671 --> 00:14:54.757
This is great.

329
00:14:55.586 --> 00:14:57.557
I'm so nervous right now, man.

330
00:14:57.558 --> 00:14:59.000
Look at my hands.

331
00:14:59.001 --> 00:15:00.886
Put your hands away, man.

332
00:15:00.887 --> 00:15:01.929
You'll be fine.

333
00:15:01.930 --> 00:15:03.372
Yo, Will texted me.

334
00:15:03.443 --> 00:15:05.400
He's not going to be able to make it.

335
00:15:05.401 --> 00:15:07.286
His dad took a turn for the worse.

336
00:15:07.287 --> 00:15:08.600
- Really?
- Yeah.

337
00:15:08.601 --> 00:15:09.286
Damn.

338
00:15:10.514 --> 00:15:13.014
- So I think if, uh--
- [crowd begins to snap]

339
00:15:13.015 --> 00:15:19.528
[crowd continues to snap]

340
00:15:19.529 --> 00:15:21.828
Eva, thank you.

341
00:15:21.829 --> 00:15:23.799
Truly moving words.

342
00:15:24.129 --> 00:15:27.286
Next up, we have Chris Tabb.

343
00:15:27.287 --> 00:15:30.457
[crowd snaps]

344
00:15:31.243 --> 00:15:33.543
Orlando. Hey!

345
00:15:35.086 --> 00:15:43.086
[romantic music plays]

346
00:15:47.015 --> 00:15:49.171
So excited to hear you read.

347
00:15:49.486 --> 00:15:51.414
He's never even shared in class before.

348
00:15:52.371 --> 00:15:53.543
Hi, I'm Corey.

349
00:15:53.544 --> 00:15:55.000
Hi. Nina.

350
00:15:55.671 --> 00:15:56.671
Ah-hem!!

351
00:16:04.429 --> 00:16:06.200
I think I'm going to be sick.

352
00:16:06.201 --> 00:16:07.200
Yeah.

353
00:16:13.557 --> 00:16:14.543
He's resting.

354
00:16:14.971 --> 00:16:15.729
Thanks...

355
00:16:15.743 --> 00:16:22.814
[labored breathing]

356
00:16:24.557 --> 00:16:25.557
Dad?

357
00:16:26.714 --> 00:16:29.129
- Who's there?
- It's Will.

358
00:16:29.929 --> 00:16:31.057
Will Smith?

359
00:16:31.671 --> 00:16:32.829
No your son.

360
00:16:33.114 --> 00:16:33.757
Oh.

361
00:16:34.929 --> 00:16:37.314
I loved him in 'Men in Black.'

362
00:16:37.543 --> 00:16:39.100
Yeah, me too.

363
00:16:40.100 --> 00:16:41.557
So what are you doing here?

364
00:16:41.829 --> 00:16:43.829
They said you took a turn for the worse.

365
00:16:43.830 --> 00:16:45.300
I came as soon as I could.

366
00:16:45.301 --> 00:16:46.914
Is there anything you need?

367
00:16:49.643 --> 00:16:50.657
Come closer.

368
00:16:51.757 --> 00:16:52.986
Yeah?

369
00:16:53.471 --> 00:16:54.957
Closer.

370
00:16:55.300 --> 00:16:56.271
What is it?

371
00:16:56.914 --> 00:16:59.557
Keep breathing on me. It smells good.

372
00:16:59.843 --> 00:17:01.914
Yeah, I had an Altoid on the way in.

373
00:17:02.071 --> 00:17:03.629
Oh, it's nice.

374
00:17:05.957 --> 00:17:07.814
Yeah, that's the stuff.

375
00:17:07.815 --> 00:17:11.343
[breathing deeply]

376
00:17:11.344 --> 00:17:12.872
I know why you're here.

377
00:17:12.873 --> 00:17:14.458
Your mother sent you.

378
00:17:14.459 --> 00:17:16.887
- No. -She's waiting for me to die.

379
00:17:17.643 --> 00:17:20.600
She thinks she's gonna get a nice check.

380
00:17:20.601 --> 00:17:21.886
[coughs]

381
00:17:21.887 --> 00:17:24.900
No, Dad, I came here on my own, okay?

382
00:17:24.901 --> 00:17:29.786
I know we haven't always been
close, but I want to make up for lost time.

383
00:17:30.171 --> 00:17:33.486
It's not too late for us to
have a relationship, right?

384
00:17:33.871 --> 00:17:35.514
I guess not.

385
00:17:35.829 --> 00:17:38.971
Great. Now what can I do for you?

386
00:17:38.972 --> 00:17:42.214
Is there anything you need to
make yourself more comfortable?

387
00:17:42.414 --> 00:17:44.571
Menthol lights.

388
00:17:44.572 --> 00:17:45.814
Okay...

389
00:17:45.815 --> 00:17:47.328
And better nurses.

390
00:17:47.771 --> 00:17:50.443
The one they sent me... They're not...

391
00:17:50.444 --> 00:17:52.729
Are the nurses here mistreating you?

392
00:17:52.730 --> 00:17:54.786
No, they're not attractive.

393
00:17:55.300 --> 00:17:56.457
Ask them:

394
00:17:56.458 --> 00:18:00.471
if Rod Stewart was sick, what
nurses would they give him?

395
00:18:01.129 --> 00:18:02.971
So you want the Rod Stewart nurses?

396
00:18:02.972 --> 00:18:03.685
Yeah.

397
00:18:03.686 --> 00:18:07.871
Okay. I'll ask. Anything else?

398
00:18:08.814 --> 00:18:13.286
I-- Nah, it's too big.

399
00:18:13.643 --> 00:18:15.429
Come on, Dad. What is it?

400
00:18:16.257 --> 00:18:18.171
I've been thinking about the firm.

401
00:18:18.286 --> 00:18:20.043
When I die,

402
00:18:20.986 --> 00:18:23.300
Billy Jenkins takes it over.

403
00:18:23.657 --> 00:18:27.129
It's been in the Noonan
family for a hundred years.

404
00:18:28.229 --> 00:18:32.071
I always hoped... One day.... You know...

405
00:18:32.586 --> 00:18:36.743
Dad, I'm a salesman, not a lawyer.

406
00:18:36.744 --> 00:18:39.057
I've failed the bar 19 times.

407
00:18:39.271 --> 00:18:41.157
We have law in our blood.

408
00:18:41.371 --> 00:18:45.371
It was Noonans that tried
Sacco and Vanzetti in 1921.

409
00:18:46.314 --> 00:18:49.600
You always say that. No
one knows what that means.

410
00:18:49.601 --> 00:18:51.657
I knew it was too much to ask.

411
00:18:51.658 --> 00:18:52.843
[door knocks]

412
00:18:52.844 --> 00:18:54.086
Mr. Noonan?

413
00:18:54.971 --> 00:18:57.929
- Billy Jenkins is here to see you.
- Send him in.

414
00:18:57.930 --> 00:18:59.772
Jenkins visits you here??

415
00:18:59.773 --> 00:19:02.072
We watch 'Man vs. Food' together.

416
00:19:04.457 --> 00:19:06.471
Alright. I'm taking the bar.

417
00:19:06.472 --> 00:19:08.628
The menthols is fine. Billy!

418
00:19:08.629 --> 00:19:09.942
No, I'm gonna do it.

419
00:19:09.943 --> 00:19:13.456
I'm gonna study and I'm
gonna pass it. For you, Dad.

420
00:19:13.457 --> 00:19:15.756
I'd do anything for you!

421
00:19:21.443 --> 00:19:23.429
You're going down, Jenkins.

422
00:19:26.243 --> 00:19:29.071
Next up, we have Orlando Baxter.

423
00:19:29.072 --> 00:19:32.228
[crowd snaps]

424
00:19:32.343 --> 00:19:34.057
Let's go!

425
00:19:42.371 --> 00:19:45.500
There's a lot of people in here.

426
00:19:47.271 --> 00:19:48.686
Excuse me.

427
00:19:49.071 --> 00:19:50.071
[mic screeches]

428
00:19:50.614 --> 00:19:53.557
You guys have to excuse me. I'm nervous.

429
00:19:54.657 --> 00:19:55.814
But...

430
00:20:00.757 --> 00:20:06.686
[lights buzzing]

431
00:20:06.687 --> 00:20:10.672
[crowd gasps]

432
00:20:14.700 --> 00:20:16.900
In short, what I'm saying,

433
00:20:16.901 --> 00:20:22.557
your profession is the
last gasp of a dying society.

434
00:20:22.558 --> 00:20:25.271
You are what America is about.

435
00:20:25.272 --> 00:20:26.871
You are commerce.

436
00:20:26.872 --> 00:20:29.000
Are you even understanding any of this?

437
00:20:32.043 --> 00:20:34.071
- Hi. -Can I help you?

438
00:20:34.072 --> 00:20:36.157
Yes, I'm selling knife sets.

439
00:20:36.443 --> 00:20:38.214
Hey, I know you.

440
00:20:38.543 --> 00:20:40.743
- Corey, right?
- Yeah.

441
00:20:40.744 --> 00:20:42.343
- And your name was?
- Nina.

442
00:20:42.344 --> 00:20:42.944
Nina!

443
00:20:43.129 --> 00:20:45.929
- How's Orlando?
- Orlando? Oh, Orlando's fine.

444
00:20:45.930 --> 00:20:48.572
We gave him some ice and told
him to write some poems about it.

445
00:20:48.573 --> 00:20:50.572
- Well, I'm glad he's okay.
- Yeah.

446
00:20:50.573 --> 00:20:51.815
What are you selling?

447
00:20:51.816 --> 00:20:53.072
Knife sets.

448
00:20:53.073 --> 00:20:54.472
But since I have you here,

449
00:20:54.473 --> 00:20:58.443
I just want to say I felt like we had
a really good connection last night.

450
00:20:58.444 --> 00:21:02.086
The chemistry was real, and
it's so random that I see you here

451
00:21:02.087 --> 00:21:04.729
and we're having this
free flowing conversation.

452
00:21:05.043 --> 00:21:08.286
I just think we should go out
sometime and have drinks together.

453
00:21:08.671 --> 00:21:10.114
Like a date.

454
00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:12.556
Yeah, sure. If you want to call it that.

455
00:21:12.557 --> 00:21:14.943
And you just happened
to be in the neighborhood?

456
00:21:14.944 --> 00:21:15.843
I was just around.

457
00:21:15.844 --> 00:21:18.186
Did you stop by the
Johnson house before mine?

458
00:21:18.187 --> 00:21:19.857
Yeah. The Johnsons. Nice people.

459
00:21:19.929 --> 00:21:23.100
Well, that house has
been vacant for six months.

460
00:21:23.101 --> 00:21:25.057
Well, who was I talking to then?

461
00:21:25.058 --> 00:21:25.986
Sure. OK.

462
00:21:25.987 --> 00:21:26.800
No, I'm serious.

463
00:21:26.801 --> 00:21:29.314
There's somebody in that
house. We need to call the cops.

464
00:21:29.315 --> 00:21:31.114
I don't trust smooth talkers like you.

465
00:21:31.115 --> 00:21:33.700
I'm not a smooth talker. Bring
a chaperone if you need to.

466
00:21:33.701 --> 00:21:36.914
I'm not trying to trick you into anything.
You bring a friend, I bring a friend.

467
00:21:36.915 --> 00:21:39.114
We go out for a few
hours, have some drinks.

468
00:21:39.115 --> 00:21:42.328
What's the worst that could
happen? At the end of the night,

469
00:21:42.329 --> 00:21:44.414
you have a slightly boring evening?

470
00:21:45.086 --> 00:21:46.786
That's your sales pitch?

471
00:21:46.787 --> 00:21:49.915
Yep. And I didn't even use
any great sales tactics either.

472
00:21:49.916 --> 00:21:52.672
I just... If you let me do it over....

473
00:21:52.673 --> 00:21:54.986
If I say yes, will you get off my stoop?

474
00:21:55.757 --> 00:21:56.729
Definitely.

475
00:21:57.557 --> 00:21:59.557
Then yes.

476
00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:01.929
Cool.

477
00:22:05.357 --> 00:22:07.186
I need you to go on a double date with me.

478
00:22:07.187 --> 00:22:09.100
- With who?
- Orlando's poetry teacher.

479
00:22:09.800 --> 00:22:11.414
Why don't you just ask him to go?

480
00:22:11.415 --> 00:22:14.343
Because he'll be all weird about it.
I really don't want to let him know.

481
00:22:14.344 --> 00:22:15.943
So just go with me.

482
00:22:16.514 --> 00:22:17.786
What's my girl like?

483
00:22:18.100 --> 00:22:18.929
I don't know.

484
00:22:19.243 --> 00:22:20.429
When did you get picky?

485
00:22:20.543 --> 00:22:21.986
I want a good Catholic girl.

486
00:22:21.987 --> 00:22:24.815
- Oh God-- -The kind who
likes pizza and brunch...

487
00:22:24.816 --> 00:22:26.372
- Shut up.
- Hey Orlando.

488
00:22:26.373 --> 00:22:28.058
What are you guys talking about?

489
00:22:28.059 --> 00:22:30.444
Nothing. What's up? How are you today?

490
00:22:31.114 --> 00:22:31.986
Terrible.

491
00:22:31.987 --> 00:22:35.700
- I was off. Felt discombobulated.
- Discom-what?

492
00:22:35.701 --> 00:22:38.886
Probably just all those poetry
classes getting to your head.

493
00:22:38.887 --> 00:22:40.386
Just mixing everything up.

494
00:22:40.387 --> 00:22:41.686
No, no. It was Sharla.

495
00:22:41.687 --> 00:22:44.829
Ever since I met her, it
messed me up. Got me thinking,

496
00:22:45.229 --> 00:22:49.400
What's the point of door-to-door
sales? Does it even matter?

497
00:22:49.614 --> 00:22:52.329
Or are we just filling
people's homes with junk?

498
00:22:52.330 --> 00:22:55.815
- [Will laughs] Shut up!
- Yeah. I think you need a beer,

499
00:22:55.816 --> 00:22:58.086
to clear your head and
settle everything down.

500
00:22:58.087 --> 00:22:59.600
Hey, can I get a beer, buddy?

501
00:22:59.601 --> 00:23:01.357
- Tooky.
- Hey guys.

502
00:23:01.358 --> 00:23:04.243
How was your first day
of sales? Sell any knives?

503
00:23:04.244 --> 00:23:05.243
Yeah.

504
00:23:05.244 --> 00:23:07.386
How many sets? Like 3? 4?

505
00:23:07.557 --> 00:23:09.129
23, I think.

506
00:23:09.130 --> 00:23:10.886
- [Orlando spits out his beer]
- 23?!

507
00:23:10.887 --> 00:23:12.229
Is that good?

508
00:23:12.230 --> 00:23:15.086
Is that good?! That's
like four off the record!

509
00:23:15.087 --> 00:23:18.029
She's a natural! Boom!

510
00:23:19.457 --> 00:23:21.471
Tooky, come on up here.

511
00:23:21.472 --> 00:23:24.542
She had the best first day in history.

512
00:23:24.543 --> 00:23:26.428
Give her a nice round of applause.

513
00:23:26.429 --> 00:23:28.699
[they clap]

514
00:23:28.700 --> 00:23:32.985
Tooky, you keep selling like that?
You're gonna surpass this man.

515
00:23:33.214 --> 00:23:34.343
Who's that?

516
00:23:35.271 --> 00:23:36.971
That's Brad Mastrangelo!

517
00:23:36.972 --> 00:23:39.414
The best saleman Boston's ever seen.

518
00:23:39.415 --> 00:23:40.528
Legend!

519
00:23:40.529 --> 00:23:42.971
Watching him work was
like watching DaVinci

520
00:23:43.243 --> 00:23:46.343
compose one of his operas
right before your very eyes.

521
00:23:47.114 --> 00:23:50.071
You keep it up and I'm
going to start calling you Brad!

522
00:23:50.072 --> 00:23:52.171
- No, you will not.
- No, I will not, ma'am.

523
00:23:53.043 --> 00:24:01.043
[music plays]

524
00:24:27.550 --> 00:24:28.817
Dang it!

525
00:24:28.818 --> 00:24:30.500
Wait, why is she wearing heels?

526
00:24:30.950 --> 00:24:32.250
Hey assholes.

527
00:24:32.567 --> 00:24:34.367
She needs bowling shoes.

528
00:24:34.368 --> 00:24:35.400
Yeah, we're on it.

529
00:24:35.650 --> 00:24:37.017
They smell funny.

530
00:24:37.250 --> 00:24:39.683
Are you serious? I
cleaned those shoes myself.

531
00:24:40.100 --> 00:24:41.583
Well, then you did a bad job.

532
00:24:41.600 --> 00:24:43.683
No, they're fine.

533
00:24:43.800 --> 00:24:45.083
See?

534
00:24:46.450 --> 00:24:47.900
Just please put those on.

535
00:24:47.901 --> 00:24:50.617
Can we get another round
of beers, please? Thank you.

536
00:24:50.618 --> 00:24:53.717
I thought we were going
out-out. Not bowling.

537
00:24:53.718 --> 00:24:55.067
We are out-out.

538
00:24:55.068 --> 00:24:58.000
It's an activity. Every
first date needs an activity.

539
00:24:58.433 --> 00:25:00.367
Nina, you're up.

540
00:25:04.333 --> 00:25:06.950
So, I've been developing
this new technique.

541
00:25:06.951 --> 00:25:10.617
As soon as a person answers the
door, I ask if I can use the bathroom.

542
00:25:10.618 --> 00:25:13.884
Then I find reasons not to
leave until they buy something.

543
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:17.150
Yeah. Can we not talk
about work right now?

544
00:25:17.151 --> 00:25:18.400
What do you guys do?

545
00:25:18.867 --> 00:25:21.733
We offer customized retail
solutions for everyday people

546
00:25:21.734 --> 00:25:23.433
in the comfort of their own homes.

547
00:25:23.434 --> 00:25:24.967
What does that mean?

548
00:25:25.083 --> 00:25:27.017
We're door-to-door salesman.

549
00:25:28.883 --> 00:25:30.383
What does that mean?

550
00:25:32.717 --> 00:25:33.867
Your turn, Will.

551
00:25:33.883 --> 00:25:35.383
Thanks.

552
00:25:43.017 --> 00:25:44.417
You got a spare?

553
00:25:45.417 --> 00:25:47.783
Wow, OK! You're not bad at this.

554
00:25:47.784 --> 00:25:50.483
- I've dabbled in bowling.
- Dabbled??

555
00:25:50.484 --> 00:25:52.500
Yeah, one of my hidden talents.

556
00:25:52.501 --> 00:25:56.100
Interesting. What other
hidden talents do you have?

557
00:25:56.883 --> 00:25:59.550
Hey! Take your arm away.

558
00:26:00.083 --> 00:26:00.900
Excuse me??

559
00:26:01.100 --> 00:26:02.367
That's my chaperone.

560
00:26:02.517 --> 00:26:04.450
More like your attack dog.

561
00:26:04.517 --> 00:26:06.367
GRRRRR!

562
00:26:07.150 --> 00:26:08.350
Did you guys see that?

563
00:26:09.367 --> 00:26:10.117
Perfect strike.

564
00:26:11.250 --> 00:26:15.267
Nobody saw it?? OK, I see how it is.

565
00:26:17.417 --> 00:26:19.000
Corey, you're up.

566
00:26:20.133 --> 00:26:22.767
GRRRRRRRR.

567
00:26:28.950 --> 00:26:32.083
REEEOW! REEEEOW!

568
00:26:33.283 --> 00:26:34.283
MEOW!

569
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:38.133
[Will makes cat sounds]

570
00:26:40.883 --> 00:26:44.817
Don't embarrass yourself.
If I hit this: date number two.

571
00:26:51.600 --> 00:26:53.000
You want to grab a drink?

572
00:26:53.533 --> 00:26:54.317
I can't.

573
00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:55.700
Why not?

574
00:26:55.917 --> 00:26:57.433
I got to be up early tomorrow.

575
00:26:57.434 --> 00:26:59.733
I'm teaching college freshmen at 8am.

576
00:26:59.734 --> 00:27:02.950
College freshmen?? They're
gonna be out later than you.

577
00:27:03.683 --> 00:27:07.567
I'm telling you no, but we
should meet up again. Soon!

578
00:27:08.617 --> 00:27:09.617
Yeah??

579
00:27:10.700 --> 00:27:12.950
Yeah. You enjoyed yourself, right?

580
00:27:12.951 --> 00:27:14.267
Yeah.

581
00:27:14.383 --> 00:27:17.300
Yeah. Satisfaction guaranteed,
or you get your money back.

582
00:27:18.117 --> 00:27:19.133
That's my promise!

583
00:27:20.050 --> 00:27:21.683
You know who else is having fun?

584
00:27:21.684 --> 00:27:22.683
Who?

585
00:27:26.800 --> 00:27:30.933
Oh! They're getting after
it in there. My boy Will!

586
00:27:37.871 --> 00:27:40.257
[they both laugh affectionately]

587
00:27:40.286 --> 00:27:41.571
Oh my God...

588
00:27:41.572 --> 00:27:42.971
Oh shit!

589
00:27:45.357 --> 00:27:46.929
You're awesome.

590
00:27:47.086 --> 00:27:49.143
Promise not to fall in love with me.

591
00:27:49.986 --> 00:27:51.386
Okay.

592
00:27:54.614 --> 00:27:55.714
[offscreen] Will??!

593
00:27:55.814 --> 00:27:57.729
- Who's that??
- It's nobody. We're good.

594
00:27:57.730 --> 00:27:59.858
[offscreen] Sweetheart, is that you?

595
00:28:02.629 --> 00:28:03.743
Oh my God.

596
00:28:03.744 --> 00:28:05.514
Will, honey.

597
00:28:05.515 --> 00:28:07.585
- Oh my God!
- [offscreen] Will, honey!

598
00:28:07.700 --> 00:28:10.343
I'm so sorry. He did not tell
me he was with someone.

599
00:28:10.344 --> 00:28:12.714
Oh, Madison. Stop! It's--

600
00:28:12.715 --> 00:28:14.671
- Mom!!
- Who's that?

601
00:28:15.029 --> 00:28:16.614
It was a girl.

602
00:28:17.871 --> 00:28:20.443
She thought you were my
wife. You scared her away!

603
00:28:20.444 --> 00:28:22.300
I'm sorry, dear.

604
00:28:23.014 --> 00:28:26.229
Come back. It was a misunderstanding!

605
00:28:26.230 --> 00:28:31.415
[Madison makes sounds of panic]

606
00:28:31.416 --> 00:28:33.244
[wolf HOWLS]

607
00:28:33.314 --> 00:28:35.186
Did you get her number?

608
00:28:35.314 --> 00:28:36.371
It's okay, Ma.

609
00:28:36.586 --> 00:28:38.657
There's pork chops for you in the fridge.

610
00:28:39.457 --> 00:28:40.143
Thanks.

611
00:28:43.471 --> 00:28:44.929
I saw Dad the other day.

612
00:28:45.429 --> 00:28:46.929
What's he want?!

613
00:28:46.930 --> 00:28:48.057
He's not doing well.

614
00:28:48.571 --> 00:28:51.300
And he wants me to
take the bar exam again.

615
00:28:51.301 --> 00:28:54.229
Bar?! You're a salesman.

616
00:28:54.943 --> 00:28:58.329
I know, but I think I might do it.

617
00:28:59.157 --> 00:29:03.329
Well, whatever you decide, I support you.

618
00:29:03.843 --> 00:29:04.871
Thanks, Ma.

619
00:29:04.943 --> 00:29:05.943
Go eat!

620
00:29:07.286 --> 00:29:09.029
Today we have a new product.

621
00:29:11.143 --> 00:29:12.271
Jesus.

622
00:29:12.272 --> 00:29:14.500
This book was written by a local author

623
00:29:14.614 --> 00:29:17.257
and he's agreed to give us
a majority of the proceeds.

624
00:29:17.557 --> 00:29:21.000
So if we sell a lot of these,
we're going to make huge dough.

625
00:29:21.300 --> 00:29:22.957
I met this guy. He's crazy.

626
00:29:23.100 --> 00:29:24.400
No one's gonna buy them.

627
00:29:24.500 --> 00:29:26.957
[mocking] No one's gonna buy him.

628
00:29:27.443 --> 00:29:29.271
Are you salesmen or aren't you?

629
00:29:29.514 --> 00:29:31.757
Brad Mastrangelo could sell anything:

630
00:29:31.758 --> 00:29:35.114
shoe umbrellas, bags of
sand, pre-peeled bananas.

631
00:29:35.629 --> 00:29:38.986
He once sold an AK-47 to the Dalai Lama.

632
00:29:39.114 --> 00:29:41.771
And you're telling me
you can't sell a book?

633
00:29:42.843 --> 00:29:43.643
You're right.

634
00:29:43.771 --> 00:29:46.343
Look, I'm not asking you to read it.

635
00:29:46.344 --> 00:29:48.072
We don't have all week.

636
00:29:48.073 --> 00:29:51.658
But, I have written down
some major talking points,

637
00:29:51.659 --> 00:29:53.344
so you have something to say:

638
00:29:54.343 --> 00:29:57.443
One: all celebrities are lizard people.

639
00:29:58.000 --> 00:29:58.771
What?!

640
00:29:58.772 --> 00:30:04.314
Two: lizards are using TikTok videos
and vape pens to hypnotize our children.

641
00:30:04.657 --> 00:30:09.400
Three: in nine years, the world
will be destroyed by a tidal wave.

642
00:30:09.401 --> 00:30:10.329
[Corey groans]

643
00:30:10.529 --> 00:30:12.171
You're gonna do great.

644
00:30:13.086 --> 00:30:15.871
Uhh... Let me show you this part:

645
00:30:18.086 --> 00:30:22.214
And then the lizards remove their
spaceships from the Earth's core

646
00:30:22.215 --> 00:30:26.257
and they fly away just
before the tidal wave hits...

647
00:30:26.258 --> 00:30:28.828
Uhh...And destroys the planet.

648
00:30:31.257 --> 00:30:33.157
What do you guys think about that?

649
00:30:33.414 --> 00:30:35.943
Wow. That is really weird, right hun?

650
00:30:36.514 --> 00:30:40.057
This can be a great gag gift.
Something funny for your co-workers.

651
00:30:40.058 --> 00:30:41.100
Please leave.

652
00:30:41.357 --> 00:30:42.186
Okay.

653
00:30:42.329 --> 00:30:44.743
Do you have anybody else in
the area who'd be interested?

654
00:30:44.744 --> 00:30:46.157
Because, neighbors-wise--

655
00:30:46.158 --> 00:30:49.943
- Look we are a religious family.
We're not into this sci-fi shit.

656
00:30:49.944 --> 00:30:51.872
- Oh, I'm religious too.

657
00:30:51.873 --> 00:30:54.986
Just anybody else around here
you think would want to buy the--

658
00:30:54.987 --> 00:30:57.043
- Don't ever come here again.
- Wow.

659
00:30:57.044 --> 00:30:59.686
Okay. Uhh...alright.
Thank you for your time.

660
00:31:00.829 --> 00:31:02.357
God bless you. Because--

661
00:31:02.358 --> 00:31:03.357
[door slams]

662
00:31:06.129 --> 00:31:08.943
Hey! Hey! Come here.

663
00:31:09.600 --> 00:31:10.543
What?

664
00:31:10.544 --> 00:31:13.100
Please! Come here.

665
00:31:16.071 --> 00:31:17.343
I want to buy your book.

666
00:31:17.344 --> 00:31:20.229
My wife, she's a little
brain-washed. She doesn't get it.

667
00:31:20.230 --> 00:31:23.272
She reads the news,
she votes. I'll take a copy.

668
00:31:23.983 --> 00:31:25.350
Uhh...I don't know.

669
00:31:26.083 --> 00:31:27.267
Come on.

670
00:31:27.268 --> 00:31:29.567
The world is fucked.
You know it and I know it.

671
00:31:29.568 --> 00:31:31.200
And if it's in print, it's proof.

672
00:31:32.450 --> 00:31:34.717
Uhh...okay, let's do it.

673
00:31:34.718 --> 00:31:37.017
Yes. Thank you, thank you.

674
00:31:37.133 --> 00:31:40.250
This is perfect. You are
waking up the world, man.

675
00:31:40.251 --> 00:31:41.133
If you say so.

676
00:31:41.134 --> 00:31:43.250
No, no, don't be humble.

677
00:31:43.251 --> 00:31:43.851
Mmhmm.

678
00:31:44.083 --> 00:31:47.333
You are a patriot. You're
like Paul Revere and...

679
00:31:47.334 --> 00:31:48.483
The other guys.

680
00:31:48.484 --> 00:31:51.183
Please. I'm just an everyday
door-to-door salesman...

681
00:31:51.467 --> 00:31:53.500
Who does accept cash tips!

682
00:31:53.833 --> 00:31:55.600
Yeah. Yes you do.

683
00:31:57.833 --> 00:31:59.033
I'm not crazy.

684
00:31:59.650 --> 00:32:01.333
It's the world that's crazy.

685
00:32:02.183 --> 00:32:03.183
I'll take two.

686
00:32:03.184 --> 00:32:04.316
Okay...

687
00:32:05.517 --> 00:32:07.567
I want copies for all my grandkids.

688
00:32:08.417 --> 00:32:10.033
Yo, this shit is dope.

689
00:32:10.034 --> 00:32:12.066
Do you take cash?

690
00:32:22.600 --> 00:32:25.900
There's no doubt in my mind,
everything you just said is 100% true.

691
00:32:25.901 --> 00:32:26.700
Really?

692
00:32:27.433 --> 00:32:30.483
I saw a lizard person
once, in the park over there.

693
00:32:31.700 --> 00:32:33.833
It beckoned me to follow it.

694
00:32:34.333 --> 00:32:36.233
I think it wanted to have sex with me.

695
00:32:36.234 --> 00:32:37.183
[Will laughs]

696
00:32:37.633 --> 00:32:38.617
What's so funny?

697
00:32:38.717 --> 00:32:40.200
Oh! Nothing.

698
00:32:40.333 --> 00:32:42.533
I'm sure it wanted to have sex with you.

699
00:32:42.767 --> 00:32:46.083
Look, this is back when I was
25 pounds lighter. OK, asshole?

700
00:32:46.333 --> 00:32:48.783
So you could take your
fat-shaming and go fuck off.

701
00:32:48.784 --> 00:32:51.033
I did not mean-- I
will fuck off. I'm sorry--

702
00:32:51.034 --> 00:32:53.516
Hey, but before you
do, can I get two copies?

703
00:32:54.933 --> 00:32:56.400
Yo, this book is crazy, man.

704
00:32:56.401 --> 00:32:58.400
This is my best morning of sales ever.

705
00:32:58.401 --> 00:33:00.017
It's like I barely even
have to sell anything.

706
00:33:00.018 --> 00:33:01.284
People are just putting money in my hands.

707
00:33:01.285 --> 00:33:03.401
I already made $400
today - straight commission!

708
00:33:03.402 --> 00:33:04.468
$432!

709
00:33:05.567 --> 00:33:06.433
$440.

710
00:33:06.583 --> 00:33:09.350
Damn. She got me, O.

711
00:33:09.700 --> 00:33:11.067
How about you?

712
00:33:11.500 --> 00:33:12.500
Twenty.

713
00:33:12.767 --> 00:33:14.267
$420? That's not bad!

714
00:33:14.268 --> 00:33:16.750
No. Twenty.

715
00:33:18.033 --> 00:33:19.283
20 dollars??

716
00:33:19.284 --> 00:33:20.833
That's like two books.

717
00:33:20.834 --> 00:33:22.116
I'm cold.

718
00:33:23.117 --> 00:33:24.817
There's cold, and then there's arctic.

719
00:33:24.818 --> 00:33:27.134
Yeah, you trying to
audition for 'Frozen 3'!

720
00:33:27.135 --> 00:33:28.134
Yeah, what are you, like, uh...

721
00:33:28.135 --> 00:33:31.517
Penguin or something out
there in the North Pole, and...

722
00:33:32.650 --> 00:33:34.683
This guy can't sell a book!

723
00:33:35.033 --> 00:33:37.000
It's just not the Orlando I know, man.

724
00:33:37.001 --> 00:33:38.850
It's like, you of all people...

725
00:33:38.851 --> 00:33:43.017
I know. Just every house
I go to, I feel the pressure.

726
00:33:43.350 --> 00:33:49.667
And so if you buy this
book, it's a really good book.

727
00:33:49.668 --> 00:33:52.584
Umm... The, the--

728
00:33:52.585 --> 00:33:54.601
Font! Is big...

729
00:33:54.602 --> 00:34:00.351
And the pages are nice and...thick!

730
00:34:00.352 --> 00:34:02.101
Are you feeling okay?

731
00:34:02.102 --> 00:34:04.784
- Yeah!
- You look like you're going to pass out.

732
00:34:04.785 --> 00:34:07.067
No, no, I'm fine.

733
00:34:07.583 --> 00:34:10.933
I just-- Oh, thank you.

734
00:34:12.950 --> 00:34:16.117
I'll get my mojo back! You guys
want to grab some beers tonight?

735
00:34:16.118 --> 00:34:17.800
Uhh, I can't. I got a date.

736
00:34:17.801 --> 00:34:18.767
With who??

737
00:34:18.768 --> 00:34:20.800
A girl! I don't know.

738
00:34:21.317 --> 00:34:22.317
Okay...

739
00:34:22.450 --> 00:34:23.433
I'm studying.

740
00:34:23.700 --> 00:34:25.450
Studying?? For what?

741
00:34:25.933 --> 00:34:27.433
Just...studying.

742
00:34:27.667 --> 00:34:30.067
Who are you guys right now? Tooky??

743
00:34:30.068 --> 00:34:33.434
I have a yoga class and then I'm
going to get groceries, pay some bills...

744
00:34:33.435 --> 00:34:37.601
You know, normal adult activities
that you guys never seem to bother with.

745
00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:39.800
Fuck.

746
00:34:40.200 --> 00:34:41.717
I guess I'll be drinking alone.

747
00:34:46.229 --> 00:34:54.229
[music]

748
00:35:43.367 --> 00:35:43.967
Wow.

749
00:35:44.283 --> 00:35:46.800
We found another one of
your hidden talents, huh?

750
00:35:46.801 --> 00:35:48.667
[they laugh]

751
00:35:48.900 --> 00:35:50.950
Any others you like to share?

752
00:35:53.150 --> 00:35:54.333
Actually...

753
00:35:56.317 --> 00:35:57.917
Check this out.

754
00:36:01.233 --> 00:36:02.150
[Corey groans]

755
00:36:02.233 --> 00:36:04.483
- What the fuck is that?
- What do you mean?

756
00:36:04.484 --> 00:36:05.483
It was for Halloween.

757
00:36:05.484 --> 00:36:07.083
I did the costumes and the makeup.

758
00:36:07.517 --> 00:36:10.367
Yeah, but why would you
choose this? Why this one?

759
00:36:10.368 --> 00:36:12.117
I did it because I wanted to.

760
00:36:12.233 --> 00:36:15.233
I used to be really into
horror makeup and costumes.

761
00:36:15.234 --> 00:36:16.383
Like in the movies.

762
00:36:16.500 --> 00:36:18.300
Yeah, look at the details on this one.

763
00:36:18.301 --> 00:36:21.033
Yeah, I get it. You're
talented. It's just...

764
00:36:21.034 --> 00:36:24.950
Stuff like this... It gives me nightmares.

765
00:36:24.951 --> 00:36:27.550
So... like you'll be dreaming about me?

766
00:36:27.551 --> 00:36:28.550
[Corey laughs]

767
00:36:30.300 --> 00:36:32.533
You and Freddy Krueger.

768
00:36:32.534 --> 00:36:35.033
[Nina laughs] OK...

769
00:36:38.933 --> 00:36:40.050
[Freddy voice] Hello Corey.

770
00:36:40.051 --> 00:36:41.000
Oh, God.

771
00:36:41.001 --> 00:36:42.567
Are we giving you nightmares?

772
00:36:42.568 --> 00:36:44.167
Oh my God. You're ridiculous.

773
00:36:44.500 --> 00:36:52.500
[TV cartoons play]

774
00:36:54.801 --> 00:36:56.450
I'm taking the bar again, Dad.

775
00:36:56.733 --> 00:36:58.000
Test is this weekend.

776
00:36:59.083 --> 00:37:00.450
Bye-bye sales life.

777
00:37:01.267 --> 00:37:04.183
I'll be honoring the Noonan
family name from now on.

778
00:37:04.184 --> 00:37:06.350
[clears throat] Objection, your honor.

779
00:37:06.783 --> 00:37:08.967
Prosecution moves to acquit.

780
00:37:09.117 --> 00:37:10.000
Hold on, uh...

781
00:37:10.317 --> 00:37:13.200
Objection. Prosecution moves to acquit.

782
00:37:14.317 --> 00:37:15.350
What do you think?

783
00:37:18.383 --> 00:37:19.550
Television.

784
00:37:21.100 --> 00:37:21.717
Yeah?

785
00:37:22.333 --> 00:37:23.267
How do they do it?

786
00:37:24.633 --> 00:37:25.783
It amazed me as a kid.

787
00:37:26.750 --> 00:37:29.417
I figured I'd understand
it when I get older.

788
00:37:30.983 --> 00:37:31.850
Now, I'm grown,

789
00:37:32.233 --> 00:37:33.767
I still don't have a clue.

790
00:37:35.283 --> 00:37:37.433
What kind of meds do they have you on?

791
00:37:38.083 --> 00:37:39.500
Ask my nurse,

792
00:37:40.050 --> 00:37:41.250
Randy.

793
00:37:41.667 --> 00:37:43.000
What's that, Mr. Noonan?

794
00:37:43.267 --> 00:37:44.200
Nothing.

795
00:37:46.633 --> 00:37:50.250
Last night, I dreamt me, Randy,

796
00:37:50.767 --> 00:37:53.550
and Farrah Fawcett were
doing each other's hair.

797
00:37:54.200 --> 00:37:57.733
What's the difference between
a salon and barbershop?

798
00:37:58.433 --> 00:38:00.317
Is it the amount of gel they use?

799
00:38:00.633 --> 00:38:03.200
Can we go back to what I was
talking about a second ago?

800
00:38:03.201 --> 00:38:05.433
- Farrah Fawcett?
- Becoming a lawyer!

801
00:38:06.283 --> 00:38:07.833
What do you want me to say?

802
00:38:10.183 --> 00:38:11.567
That you're proud of me.

803
00:38:15.083 --> 00:38:17.233
I even understand the picture screen.

804
00:38:17.783 --> 00:38:18.617
That's pixels.

805
00:38:19.367 --> 00:38:21.500
But how do they make
it go through the air?

806
00:38:21.501 --> 00:38:22.500
Dad!

807
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:25.783
Come back when you pass.

808
00:38:26.250 --> 00:38:27.400
I'm tired now.

809
00:38:30.650 --> 00:38:31.250
Okay.

810
00:38:39.317 --> 00:38:44.067
Jenkins, the next time you see
me, I'm gonna be your fucking boss.

811
00:38:48.300 --> 00:38:56.300
[music plays]

812
00:39:20.751 --> 00:39:24.300
[sing] Two lizard
people, sitting in a tree--

813
00:39:24.301 --> 00:39:28.250
L-I-Z-A-R-D.

814
00:39:31.833 --> 00:39:32.783
Orlando.

815
00:39:34.183 --> 00:39:36.667
Why aren't you working
on your opening exercise?

816
00:39:37.033 --> 00:39:39.133
Because the poems aren't coming for me.

817
00:39:39.433 --> 00:39:41.150
Every word I think of feels...

818
00:39:42.267 --> 00:39:43.117
Inefficient.

819
00:39:44.267 --> 00:39:45.433
I mean, detrimental.

820
00:39:46.600 --> 00:39:47.417
I mean, bed.

821
00:39:47.833 --> 00:39:49.883
Just put something on the page.

822
00:39:50.267 --> 00:39:51.800
You might surprise yourself.

823
00:39:52.683 --> 00:39:54.650
Are you coming to our reading tomorrow?

824
00:39:55.967 --> 00:39:56.900
Why not?!

825
00:39:57.283 --> 00:39:58.300
I'm not ready.

826
00:39:58.467 --> 00:39:59.533
Yes, you are.

827
00:39:59.817 --> 00:40:01.883
You're just psyching yourself out.

828
00:40:02.767 --> 00:40:04.000
Corey says that, too.

829
00:40:06.017 --> 00:40:08.917
Corey is my friend that came
with me to the last reading.

830
00:40:10.383 --> 00:40:11.017
I know.

831
00:40:11.333 --> 00:40:13.467
He's just like you. Tells it like it is.

832
00:40:14.367 --> 00:40:16.250
- But for me sometimes...
- Hold on!

833
00:40:16.900 --> 00:40:19.367
Has he still not told
you that we're dating?

834
00:40:23.817 --> 00:40:27.433
Me and Corey have been
on several dates. Five, in fact!

835
00:40:27.434 --> 00:40:29.083
He talks about you all the time.

836
00:40:29.084 --> 00:40:30.550
Says you're best friends.

837
00:40:31.333 --> 00:40:33.933
- We are.
- And yet he still hasn't told you about me?

838
00:40:34.334 --> 00:40:36.783
Isn't that troublesome?

839
00:40:36.784 --> 00:40:38.466
I mean, strange?

840
00:40:38.467 --> 00:40:39.899
I mean, a little fucked up?

841
00:40:43.783 --> 00:40:45.783
You got me in the doghouse, bro.

842
00:40:46.517 --> 00:40:47.450
It's not cool.

843
00:40:47.883 --> 00:40:50.867
You can't be mad at me. You
didn't tell me you were a thing.

844
00:40:50.868 --> 00:40:52.450
Yeah, because you turn it into drama.

845
00:40:52.451 --> 00:40:54.933
I didn't turn it into drama!
You turned it into drama.

846
00:40:54.934 --> 00:40:56.583
Alright, let's just take a deep-

847
00:40:56.584 --> 00:41:00.833
Roses are red, violets are blue, I
love the teacher and she loves me too.

848
00:41:00.834 --> 00:41:03.400
- Man, shut up!
- Come on with that bullshit!

849
00:41:03.401 --> 00:41:04.400
Break it up!

850
00:41:04.401 --> 00:41:11.083
[they argue]

851
00:41:12.983 --> 00:41:15.967
What the hell is going on here? Fighting??

852
00:41:16.517 --> 00:41:18.983
We should be loving, not fighting.

853
00:41:19.300 --> 00:41:20.200
Look what I got!

854
00:41:20.533 --> 00:41:21.400
Munchies!

855
00:41:21.483 --> 00:41:26.983
These are because we are having
the best sales month in company history.

856
00:41:27.800 --> 00:41:29.783
You guys are selling your asses off.

857
00:41:30.750 --> 00:41:32.083
Well, most of you...

858
00:41:32.383 --> 00:41:34.117
A lot of it has to do with Tooky.

859
00:41:34.467 --> 00:41:39.950
She is having a rookie year
paralleled only to Larry Bird.

860
00:41:40.417 --> 00:41:41.700
You're killing it, Took.

861
00:41:42.250 --> 00:41:45.500
And The Life Tendrils?
Selling like hot cakes.

862
00:41:46.400 --> 00:41:49.867
I've even seen people on the
street with the outfits from the cover.

863
00:41:50.117 --> 00:41:51.450
- Yeah, -Crazy, right?

864
00:41:51.583 --> 00:41:53.733
So to show his appreciation,

865
00:41:54.283 --> 00:41:58.167
Bob Donnelly has invited Corey
and I to a little shindig tonight.

866
00:41:58.168 --> 00:42:01.017
Oh, God. Pass.

867
00:42:01.018 --> 00:42:03.334
No, you will not pass. It's not an option.

868
00:42:03.335 --> 00:42:04.767
That dude creeps me out!

869
00:42:04.768 --> 00:42:08.000
It's a party! There'll be regular
people there. You're coming.

870
00:42:08.001 --> 00:42:10.017
And now do you know what it's time for?

871
00:42:10.967 --> 00:42:12.317
Munchies!

872
00:42:21.083 --> 00:42:22.400
Show me the normal ones.

873
00:42:22.533 --> 00:42:23.900
Hey, Bobby!

874
00:42:24.500 --> 00:42:28.483
Tony! Corey! You guys made it.

875
00:42:31.317 --> 00:42:33.017
I've got to show you around.

876
00:42:33.400 --> 00:42:34.867
I need to grab a drink first.

877
00:42:34.883 --> 00:42:37.367
- A little lush!
- Yeah. Can be.

878
00:42:37.368 --> 00:42:41.567
Well, you're in luck, because I
make the best Moscow mules

879
00:42:41.568 --> 00:42:43.417
this side of St. Petersburg.

880
00:42:43.418 --> 00:42:46.367
- Alrigh then! Let's try 'em.
- Let's try 'em!

881
00:42:51.283 --> 00:42:52.567
Recognize these??

882
00:42:52.568 --> 00:42:54.384
Hey, it's our knives!

883
00:42:54.617 --> 00:42:56.417
They are unbelievable.

884
00:42:56.418 --> 00:42:58.900
I use them for everything.

885
00:42:58.901 --> 00:43:03.967
Bob, I got to say, I am really
impressed with the turnout.

886
00:43:03.968 --> 00:43:06.417
Tony, please. It is all thanks to you.

887
00:43:06.733 --> 00:43:09.083
I mean, these books?
People are loving them.

888
00:43:09.084 --> 00:43:12.350
They're flying out of
the boxes. I am making--

889
00:43:12.883 --> 00:43:14.683
No. Don't do this, Bob.

890
00:43:14.684 --> 00:43:16.283
This is not business time.

891
00:43:16.667 --> 00:43:17.966
This is play time.

892
00:43:17.967 --> 00:43:24.350
So I'm going to need you boys to
grab your mules. And go mingle!

893
00:43:26.117 --> 00:43:28.149
This is a very cool group.

894
00:43:28.150 --> 00:43:30.233
Get out there. Come on.

895
00:43:31.800 --> 00:43:33.983
And it was, like, so on the money...

896
00:43:34.217 --> 00:43:37.183
So incredibly true. I can't
even tell you. It was like--

897
00:43:39.767 --> 00:43:40.867
Can I help you?

898
00:43:40.868 --> 00:43:44.267
I was just trying to see if it was real.

899
00:43:44.268 --> 00:43:46.517
Please! Continue.

900
00:43:46.967 --> 00:43:51.567
I've always said you three? The
best posture I've ever seen in my life.

901
00:43:52.567 --> 00:43:54.349
I love to see you three together.

902
00:43:54.350 --> 00:43:55.899
And by the end of the night?

903
00:43:56.467 --> 00:43:57.750
We've all kissed.

904
00:43:58.250 --> 00:44:02.433
Okay? If you haven't kissed each
other and I haven't kissed you?

905
00:44:02.434 --> 00:44:04.666
I'm going to be very upset.

906
00:44:05.083 --> 00:44:08.483
Rihanna, Mariah Carey
are definitely lizard people.

907
00:44:08.484 --> 00:44:12.766
Beyonce? A lizard person.
Kelly Rowland? A lizard person.

908
00:44:12.767 --> 00:44:17.099
Michelle? Now you might find
this interesting. Not a lizard person!

909
00:44:17.100 --> 00:44:19.716
That's why Destiny's Child broke up.

910
00:44:23.167 --> 00:44:25.633
Ever since reading the
book? I gotta tell you:

911
00:44:25.634 --> 00:44:26.900
I feel fantastic.

912
00:44:26.901 --> 00:44:30.317
I mean, everything I read, it
just feels so personal for me--

913
00:44:30.318 --> 00:44:32.850
Are you from around here?

914
00:44:34.400 --> 00:44:35.917
Yeah, I'm from Medford.

915
00:44:36.583 --> 00:44:38.000
Seeing anybody?

916
00:44:39.467 --> 00:44:41.017
Does that answer your question?

917
00:44:41.018 --> 00:44:42.050
Five people!

918
00:44:47.200 --> 00:44:49.200
The fuck you looking at?

919
00:44:56.200 --> 00:44:58.600
- Is this the line for the bathroom?
- Yeah.

920
00:45:00.500 --> 00:45:02.467
There's gotta be somewhere else...

921
00:45:04.417 --> 00:45:07.550
Excuse me. Excuse me.

922
00:45:15.133 --> 00:45:17.150
Oh shit!

923
00:45:23.933 --> 00:45:26.083
What is this?

924
00:45:30.550 --> 00:45:31.350
Corey??

925
00:45:34.983 --> 00:45:36.600
- Hey.
- What are you doing?

926
00:45:36.601 --> 00:45:38.133
I was looking for the bathroom.

927
00:45:39.233 --> 00:45:42.517
Well, then you are very lost, my friend.

928
00:45:42.817 --> 00:45:45.317
All you're going to find here...

929
00:45:47.200 --> 00:45:49.417
Is my cash!

930
00:45:49.633 --> 00:45:50.983
How great is this?

931
00:45:50.984 --> 00:45:53.150
I didn't even see any cash. That's crazy.

932
00:45:53.151 --> 00:45:54.667
You want to know where I got it?

933
00:45:54.668 --> 00:45:56.900
- Where?
- It's the members' dues.

934
00:45:57.100 --> 00:45:58.150
It's my whole model.

935
00:45:58.151 --> 00:46:00.600
- Wow.
- I sell the book at a loss.

936
00:46:00.601 --> 00:46:03.567
Get the people in the door
with the incredible ideas.

937
00:46:03.568 --> 00:46:08.234
And then when their eyes are open to
the truth and they want to stick around?

938
00:46:08.235 --> 00:46:10.967
Well, then it's going to
be a weekly members' due.

939
00:46:10.968 --> 00:46:13.434
So how much are they paying you?

940
00:46:14.150 --> 00:46:15.382
A lot.

941
00:46:15.383 --> 00:46:17.400
And I'm selling supplements.

942
00:46:17.401 --> 00:46:19.817
The cures for various maladies.

943
00:46:19.818 --> 00:46:23.117
We're talking depression, anxiety, uhh...

944
00:46:23.483 --> 00:46:26.550
- Diarrhea.
- Diarrhea!

945
00:46:26.767 --> 00:46:31.483
And very often, an extra
loyalty fee proves necessary

946
00:46:31.484 --> 00:46:35.383
when certain members
are lacking in conviction.

947
00:46:35.384 --> 00:46:37.916
All told, my friend,
we're talking millions.

948
00:46:38.817 --> 00:46:39.983
They're paying you?

949
00:46:40.883 --> 00:46:42.617
No! These are my angels.

950
00:46:43.117 --> 00:46:44.750
They don't have to pay.

951
00:46:45.067 --> 00:46:46.633
This is Jordan.

952
00:46:47.383 --> 00:46:50.450
And here we have... Hel-?

953
00:46:54.167 --> 00:46:57.917
Heather! Heather Weintraub!

954
00:46:57.918 --> 00:46:59.317
We were just...

955
00:47:00.967 --> 00:47:05.700
Well, I'm mentoring them on the body.

956
00:47:06.017 --> 00:47:07.483
Things of that nature.

957
00:47:07.650 --> 00:47:10.217
You're welcome to stick around, Corey...

958
00:47:10.218 --> 00:47:12.034
If you're free?

959
00:47:12.035 --> 00:47:13.534
Yeah. No, no. Thanks man.

960
00:47:13.535 --> 00:47:15.434
Come on, Cor!

961
00:47:15.435 --> 00:47:17.067
- Corey?
- That's nasty.

962
00:47:17.068 --> 00:47:18.250
Bye Corey!

963
00:47:18.583 --> 00:47:20.300
We shouldn't sell these books anymore.

964
00:47:20.301 --> 00:47:22.083
Bob is a shady, shady scammer.

965
00:47:22.717 --> 00:47:23.350
I like him.

966
00:47:23.351 --> 00:47:26.183
He's running a cult or something
and taking advantage of young women

967
00:47:26.184 --> 00:47:28.200
and probably doing all
other kinds of creepy shit.

968
00:47:28.201 --> 00:47:30.200
- How do you know?
- Because I saw it myself!

969
00:47:30.201 --> 00:47:31.950
So we just take your word for it?

970
00:47:31.951 --> 00:47:34.533
Because what I see is the
money in my bank account.

971
00:47:34.717 --> 00:47:36.650
If I keep paying off my
student loans like this.

972
00:47:36.651 --> 00:47:39.483
- I can go on vacation by the time I'm 45.
- Where are you thinking?

973
00:47:39.484 --> 00:47:40.966
- Jamaica.
- Nice.

974
00:47:40.967 --> 00:47:42.266
Jamaica, mon!

975
00:47:42.267 --> 00:47:44.083
Will, will you get my back here?

976
00:47:44.084 --> 00:47:47.116
Well, I like to think of
myself as the type of guy

977
00:47:47.117 --> 00:47:51.933
who takes the high road in these
scenarios. But? I agree with Tooky.

978
00:47:51.934 --> 00:47:54.083
We're making great money right now, and

979
00:47:54.084 --> 00:47:57.300
legally speaking, we're not
really doing anything wrong.

980
00:47:57.301 --> 00:48:01.400
Seriously?? I'm not even gonna
ask Orlando to get my back.

981
00:48:01.401 --> 00:48:03.917
- He's still pouting about yesterday.
- Correct.

982
00:48:04.633 --> 00:48:06.867
But also you're my friend.

983
00:48:07.083 --> 00:48:10.400
And in solidarity, I refuse
to sell the books as well.

984
00:48:12.917 --> 00:48:13.917
Solidarity!

985
00:48:13.918 --> 00:48:16.767
- You were barely selling any to begin with.
- Nevertheless!

986
00:48:16.768 --> 00:48:19.650
Alright, I'll stop selling the book too.

987
00:48:20.350 --> 00:48:23.017
- In solidarity.
- Solidarity!

988
00:48:23.018 --> 00:48:23.734
Whatever.

989
00:48:23.967 --> 00:48:27.783
Tooky will keep selling the books
and we'll give you something else to sell.

990
00:48:27.784 --> 00:48:30.800
We must have some old
inventory around here somewhere.

991
00:48:31.517 --> 00:48:32.483
Ah.

992
00:48:34.933 --> 00:48:38.683
Coolers. 35 cents commission
for every one you sell.

993
00:48:41.467 --> 00:48:42.233
Enjoy!

994
00:48:42.467 --> 00:48:50.467
[music]

995
00:49:03.600 --> 00:49:06.867
I got coolers, ya'll. Anybody home?

996
00:49:06.868 --> 00:49:08.834
Anyone? They're orange coolers...

997
00:49:09.567 --> 00:49:10.717
Dammit!

998
00:49:10.718 --> 00:49:12.584
So let me get this straight.

999
00:49:12.950 --> 00:49:14.567
You need water coolers?

1000
00:49:14.850 --> 00:49:16.350
6 to 8 of them, probably.

1001
00:49:16.683 --> 00:49:19.167
And everybody in here wants more water?

1002
00:49:19.633 --> 00:49:21.233
They're dying of thirst.

1003
00:49:21.317 --> 00:49:22.883
But you're not interested?

1004
00:49:23.050 --> 00:49:24.517
I want water coolers.

1005
00:49:24.833 --> 00:49:26.633
I just don't want them from you.

1006
00:49:27.633 --> 00:49:28.750
Really?

1007
00:49:38.067 --> 00:49:39.533
Is this seat taken?

1008
00:49:40.717 --> 00:49:42.200
What does it look like?

1009
00:49:43.150 --> 00:49:44.000
[she scoffs]

1010
00:49:48.550 --> 00:49:49.750
See ya.

1011
00:50:07.283 --> 00:50:08.983
You're Brad Mastrangelo.

1012
00:50:11.167 --> 00:50:14.017
Greatest salesman alive.

1013
00:50:14.433 --> 00:50:17.483
What are you doing down
here amongst the common folk?

1014
00:50:19.300 --> 00:50:20.533
Field research.

1015
00:50:21.267 --> 00:50:26.800
Most people today, they need the
boob tube or some fancy video games

1016
00:50:26.801 --> 00:50:28.800
to get their entertainment.

1017
00:50:29.133 --> 00:50:33.167
But me? I just go where
the people are and watch.

1018
00:50:34.417 --> 00:50:35.517
Look at this.

1019
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:37.383
Isn't this wonderful?

1020
00:50:50.867 --> 00:50:51.600
I guess.

1021
00:50:51.950 --> 00:50:56.533
And as a bonus? Whole
bowl of bar nuts: 50 cents.

1022
00:50:58.700 --> 00:51:01.183
Hey, I'm a salesman too.

1023
00:51:02.300 --> 00:51:04.083
Just on a cold streak right now.

1024
00:51:05.133 --> 00:51:06.500
Do you have any tips?

1025
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:09.867
Of course.

1026
00:51:10.633 --> 00:51:11.350
Beat it.

1027
00:51:13.900 --> 00:51:15.033
What's the trouble?

1028
00:51:16.467 --> 00:51:18.333
I've just been stuck in my head.

1029
00:51:18.800 --> 00:51:20.467
I was out for nine hours today.

1030
00:51:20.468 --> 00:51:22.100
I didn't sell one cooler.

1031
00:51:22.683 --> 00:51:23.683
Let me guess.

1032
00:51:24.033 --> 00:51:26.300
You're starting to
think about things like,

1033
00:51:26.301 --> 00:51:28.467
what's the point of door-to-door sales?

1034
00:51:28.468 --> 00:51:30.717
- Yes!
- Does what we're doing even matter?

1035
00:51:31.167 --> 00:51:34.333
Or are we just filling people's
houses with worthless crap?

1036
00:51:34.334 --> 00:51:36.683
- Exactly.
- I've seen this before.

1037
00:51:37.267 --> 00:51:41.283
You're having so many thoughts that
you're losing sight of the big picture.

1038
00:51:41.817 --> 00:51:43.017
You've got to remember,

1039
00:51:43.018 --> 00:51:44.717
we're just here to help people!

1040
00:51:45.050 --> 00:51:47.850
We're just trying to make
their dreams become reality.

1041
00:51:47.851 --> 00:51:50.100
Right! We're just helping!

1042
00:51:50.101 --> 00:51:51.533
It's like hypnosis.

1043
00:51:51.983 --> 00:51:55.417
The only people that get hypnotized
are the ones that are willing.

1044
00:51:55.418 --> 00:51:57.000
Our customers are the same.

1045
00:51:57.617 --> 00:52:01.350
They're hoping we convince
them to buy what they want.

1046
00:52:02.033 --> 00:52:05.183
And they're Americans,
so they want everything.

1047
00:52:05.617 --> 00:52:09.717
You're just looking for that
simple little push to get them there.

1048
00:52:10.267 --> 00:52:12.233
Take my friend Chet, the bartender.

1049
00:52:12.967 --> 00:52:15.383
Chet likes his life. Good hours.

1050
00:52:15.384 --> 00:52:16.700
Plenty of women.

1051
00:52:16.950 --> 00:52:18.083
Free bar nuts.

1052
00:52:18.583 --> 00:52:20.350
But things could always be better.

1053
00:52:20.567 --> 00:52:23.367
What do you think Chet
hates most about his job?

1054
00:52:23.683 --> 00:52:26.083
- People who drink too much.
- Correct. What else?

1055
00:52:26.700 --> 00:52:27.717
Sticky fingers?

1056
00:52:27.718 --> 00:52:29.067
No. Chet?

1057
00:52:29.217 --> 00:52:30.700
People that don't tip.

1058
00:52:31.683 --> 00:52:33.633
He's the only guy behind that bar.

1059
00:52:33.634 --> 00:52:35.283
Constantly making drinks.

1060
00:52:35.284 --> 00:52:39.550
Anytime that drink doesn't lead to
cash, it's taking money out of his pocket.

1061
00:52:39.867 --> 00:52:41.583
- Make sense?
- Sure.

1062
00:52:41.833 --> 00:52:45.933
Now there's a common situation
which Chet's two least favorite things

1063
00:52:45.934 --> 00:52:47.583
threaten simultaneously.

1064
00:52:48.267 --> 00:52:50.217
Chet, tell me if this sounds familiar.

1065
00:52:50.218 --> 00:52:53.134
Two drunk people walk
up and they order water.

1066
00:52:53.700 --> 00:52:57.233
You know you're not gonna get a tip,
but you want to keep them hydrated.

1067
00:52:57.234 --> 00:52:59.450
You don't want them to get too shitfaced.

1068
00:52:59.451 --> 00:53:03.183
So you go over and you pour
them the free glasses of H2O

1069
00:53:03.184 --> 00:53:05.466
while other orders are standing by.

1070
00:53:05.467 --> 00:53:07.516
- Does this ever happen?
- Mmhmm.

1071
00:53:08.433 --> 00:53:12.150
It might not sound like much, but
imagine that happens a few times a night.

1072
00:53:12.151 --> 00:53:13.683
Six shifts a week.

1073
00:53:13.684 --> 00:53:15.616
It's over a thousand times a year.

1074
00:53:15.617 --> 00:53:17.716
It's pretty goddamn annoying, right Chet?

1075
00:53:17.717 --> 00:53:19.949
- Well, yeah.
- You're a professional.

1076
00:53:19.950 --> 00:53:23.232
Why should you have to take care
of these self-destructive people?

1077
00:53:23.233 --> 00:53:26.349
Not just for free, but at
your personal expense?

1078
00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:27.983
I shouldn't.

1079
00:53:29.567 --> 00:53:33.183
Chet, what if I told you I could
alleviate this problem forever-

1080
00:53:33.184 --> 00:53:35.766
at the cost of maybe two cocktails?

1081
00:53:36.167 --> 00:53:37.317
I'm interested.

1082
00:53:40.200 --> 00:53:42.583
Have a barback fill this up.

1083
00:53:42.584 --> 00:53:44.566
Set it up down the end of the bar.

1084
00:53:45.167 --> 00:53:46.733
Not bad. How much?

1085
00:53:47.550 --> 00:53:48.817
$20.

1086
00:53:49.833 --> 00:53:50.483
Sold.

1087
00:53:55.150 --> 00:53:57.350
Hey, that's my cooler.

1088
00:53:57.351 --> 00:53:59.100
Yeah, but I made the sale.

1089
00:53:59.567 --> 00:54:03.033
Don't worry, kid. I think your
cold streak is coming to an end.

1090
00:54:03.034 --> 00:54:05.083
Enjoy my nuts.

1091
00:54:12.850 --> 00:54:15.683
You wanna see the biggest
houseboat in Boston?

1092
00:54:15.684 --> 00:54:17.200
[she laughs]

1093
00:54:21.517 --> 00:54:22.517
Wow.

1094
00:54:26.050 --> 00:54:27.450
My name is Sasha.

1095
00:54:27.700 --> 00:54:29.100
I like to eat fudge.

1096
00:54:29.250 --> 00:54:32.433
I love my mommy and my turtle named Fudge.

1097
00:54:32.717 --> 00:54:34.083
Very good.

1098
00:54:34.983 --> 00:54:37.350
I rhymed "fudge" with "Fudge."

1099
00:54:37.351 --> 00:54:39.367
Great! Who's next?

1100
00:54:40.500 --> 00:54:42.750
Umm... Okay, Colin, go ahead.

1101
00:54:49.300 --> 00:54:51.317
First of all, this one doesn't rhyme.

1102
00:54:51.318 --> 00:54:52.650
[the class groans]

1103
00:54:53.367 --> 00:54:55.267
I feel like a real dope.

1104
00:54:55.268 --> 00:54:58.000
The truth is, I've never
been in love before.

1105
00:54:58.001 --> 00:55:00.250
That's not an excuse. I'm just saying.

1106
00:55:00.550 --> 00:55:05.200
I didn't know that tingle that runs down your
spine when the other person looks at you.

1107
00:55:05.201 --> 00:55:08.650
Those goose bumps when you
wake up, see them asleep at your side,

1108
00:55:08.651 --> 00:55:10.633
and realize this is real.

1109
00:55:10.634 --> 00:55:12.383
What we have is special.

1110
00:55:12.700 --> 00:55:15.767
I was afraid to mess it up
because it was powerful.

1111
00:55:15.867 --> 00:55:17.500
So I acted like a child.

1112
00:55:18.117 --> 00:55:18.983
No offense...

1113
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:20.733
And messed up anyway.

1114
00:55:21.100 --> 00:55:24.800
You don't owe anything, but I
just had to let you know how I feel.

1115
00:55:24.801 --> 00:55:29.183
So if you're not interested,
just shut the window and I'll go.

1116
00:55:31.500 --> 00:55:32.183
What?

1117
00:55:32.583 --> 00:55:33.417
The window.

1118
00:55:38.633 --> 00:55:39.233
Oh.

1119
00:55:39.467 --> 00:55:42.467
I wrote that poem about me and you.

1120
00:55:43.567 --> 00:55:44.717
Yeah, I get it.

1121
00:55:44.718 --> 00:55:45.600
Hello?

1122
00:55:45.601 --> 00:55:48.567
Oh. Colin helped me with the words.

1123
00:55:50.633 --> 00:55:51.967
Don't just stand there.

1124
00:55:51.968 --> 00:55:53.984
Are you gonna take him back or not?

1125
00:55:53.985 --> 00:55:54.717
I...

1126
00:55:57.483 --> 00:55:59.333
I guess I'll give it another try.

1127
00:55:59.334 --> 00:56:01.883
[class says 'awwww']

1128
00:56:05.067 --> 00:56:06.250
I love love.

1129
00:56:06.251 --> 00:56:08.100
I'll give that clown six weeks.

1130
00:56:11.650 --> 00:56:15.017
At 9am, I get the call
whether I passed the bar.

1131
00:56:17.583 --> 00:56:21.150
My whole life could
change in three minutes.

1132
00:56:22.533 --> 00:56:23.567
Will?

1133
00:56:24.433 --> 00:56:25.433
Yeah Ma?

1134
00:56:26.917 --> 00:56:30.050
When you're a high-powered, fancy lawyer,

1135
00:56:30.567 --> 00:56:33.550
do you think you'll still
live with your mother?

1136
00:56:35.633 --> 00:56:37.717
Of course, Ma!

1137
00:56:37.718 --> 00:56:38.967
[cell phone rings]

1138
00:56:38.968 --> 00:56:40.650
8:58! They're early.

1139
00:56:41.683 --> 00:56:43.817
Will Noonan speaking!

1140
00:56:45.767 --> 00:56:46.983
What?

1141
00:56:47.700 --> 00:56:48.300
No.

1142
00:56:49.333 --> 00:56:50.333
I'll be there.

1143
00:56:53.767 --> 00:56:55.200
Did you pass?

1144
00:56:56.083 --> 00:56:57.383
It's Dad.

1145
00:56:59.967 --> 00:57:02.017
I'm here. How is he?

1146
00:57:02.850 --> 00:57:06.250
His vitals are all over the
place. It does not look good.

1147
00:57:06.717 --> 00:57:07.917
But, you know...

1148
00:57:09.317 --> 00:57:11.850
We knew this was going
to happen eventually.

1149
00:57:12.167 --> 00:57:14.167
He was a tough, old son-of-a-gun.

1150
00:57:14.168 --> 00:57:16.600
If I talk to him, will he understand me?

1151
00:57:18.333 --> 00:57:19.550
I don't know.

1152
00:57:20.183 --> 00:57:21.433
You should try.

1153
00:57:23.733 --> 00:57:25.317
Thanks, Randy.

1154
00:57:27.200 --> 00:57:33.433
[Dad is mumbling to himself]

1155
00:57:33.434 --> 00:57:34.616
Dad.

1156
00:57:37.417 --> 00:57:39.100
Dad, what are you saying?

1157
00:57:39.101 --> 00:57:42.217
[he continues to mumble]

1158
00:57:44.150 --> 00:57:47.783
Dad on the way here, I got the
call that I passed the bar exam.

1159
00:57:48.200 --> 00:57:51.850
When they told me, all I could
do is picture your face and...

1160
00:57:52.133 --> 00:57:55.233
What it might look like
if you were proud of me.

1161
00:57:56.283 --> 00:57:58.667
I really hope you can hear me, Dad.

1162
00:58:00.867 --> 00:58:03.450
I'm gonna take over Noonan & Noonan...

1163
00:58:03.683 --> 00:58:10.867
[strange sounds as we
disappear into Dad's dreams]

1164
00:58:12.700 --> 00:58:13.700
Whoa.

1165
00:58:21.717 --> 00:58:24.867
This Schick Styler works so
fast. You know what they call it?

1166
00:58:24.868 --> 00:58:25.784
The Speed Styler.

1167
00:58:25.785 --> 00:58:27.084
And look what else it has.

1168
00:58:27.085 --> 00:58:30.067
A concentrator for
those tough-to-dry places.

1169
00:58:30.068 --> 00:58:31.217
And it's fast!

1170
00:58:31.218 --> 00:58:35.684
Farrah Fawcett! I must be in heaven.

1171
00:58:38.767 --> 00:58:39.667
Mom?

1172
00:58:39.833 --> 00:58:41.500
Are we having spaghetti?

1173
00:58:41.733 --> 00:58:44.583
Oh, Mom... And Uncle Larry!

1174
00:58:45.000 --> 00:58:46.433
Oh...What--

1175
00:58:46.733 --> 00:58:47.717
What are you?

1176
00:58:47.718 --> 00:58:49.950
No, stop this. Stop this!

1177
00:58:49.951 --> 00:58:52.483
I'm gonna tell Dad! Wake
me up! Someone wake--

1178
00:58:59.817 --> 00:59:02.133
Come on, Mr. Noonan. Hey, Mr. Noonan!

1179
00:59:02.134 --> 00:59:04.533
Mr. Noonan! Come on buddy...

1180
00:59:05.350 --> 00:59:06.733
Mr. Noonan. Hey!

1181
00:59:18.983 --> 00:59:19.933
Will.

1182
00:59:20.483 --> 00:59:21.183
Yeah?

1183
00:59:22.167 --> 00:59:26.067
Your mom called your friends
and told them what happened.

1184
00:59:27.083 --> 00:59:28.533
They came.

1185
00:59:29.483 --> 00:59:30.950
Yo. Will.

1186
00:59:31.200 --> 00:59:32.767
Thanks for coming, guys.

1187
00:59:33.383 --> 00:59:37.033
- I'm so sorry, man.
- We love you, bro.

1188
00:59:42.933 --> 00:59:43.917
Will?

1189
00:59:44.100 --> 00:59:45.100
Who's that??

1190
00:59:47.067 --> 00:59:49.333
- Jenkins!
- Gentlemen.

1191
00:59:50.617 --> 00:59:53.800
Now, I know we're gathered here
under unfortunate circumstances,

1192
00:59:53.801 --> 00:59:55.283
so my condolences.

1193
00:59:55.284 --> 00:59:58.083
But I would also like to say:
Congratulations! Because,

1194
00:59:58.084 --> 00:59:59.783
once you sign this paperwork,

1195
01:00:00.317 --> 01:00:04.283
you become the sole proprietor
of Noonan and Noonan.

1196
01:00:04.284 --> 01:00:05.683
Just sign here.

1197
01:00:09.167 --> 01:00:11.117
And here.

1198
01:00:13.117 --> 01:00:14.250
And there.

1199
01:00:15.717 --> 01:00:19.350
Initial here... And there... And there.

1200
01:00:19.817 --> 01:00:21.917
And one more time here.

1201
01:00:22.133 --> 01:00:23.133
And there.

1202
01:00:24.133 --> 01:00:27.117
- That was a lot of signatures!
- Noonan and Noonan!

1203
01:00:28.217 --> 01:00:31.850
Now your father has instructed
me to play you this short video.

1204
01:00:31.851 --> 01:00:32.850
This is AV club!

1205
01:00:35.517 --> 01:00:36.333
Hello, son.

1206
01:00:36.833 --> 01:00:39.883
If you're watching this, it
means you passed the bar.

1207
01:00:40.467 --> 01:00:41.067
Wow.

1208
01:00:41.068 --> 01:00:43.617
- Yeah he did!
- My boy Will!

1209
01:00:43.618 --> 01:00:44.617
Shhh!

1210
01:00:44.618 --> 01:00:46.934
You and I didn't talk
much when I was alive.

1211
01:00:46.935 --> 01:00:50.084
Now, there's so many things I wish I knew.

1212
01:00:50.200 --> 01:00:51.983
Like, what's your favorite color?

1213
01:00:51.984 --> 01:00:52.683
Blue.

1214
01:00:52.684 --> 01:00:55.083
And if a tree falls in the
forest, does it make a sound?

1215
01:00:55.084 --> 01:00:55.816
I think so.

1216
01:00:55.817 --> 01:00:58.183
It's pointless to answer
that since I'm dead.

1217
01:00:58.184 --> 01:01:00.350
So I'll move on to some
things I want to tell you.

1218
01:01:00.351 --> 01:01:03.783
First, I'm proud of the man you become.

1219
01:01:04.900 --> 01:01:07.550
Second, the firm is under investigation

1220
01:01:07.551 --> 01:01:11.067
from the feds, and you're
probably gonna go to jail.

1221
01:01:11.068 --> 01:01:14.434
Our legal position that
taxes are technically "optional"

1222
01:01:14.435 --> 01:01:16.584
has not held up like I thought it would.

1223
01:01:16.585 --> 01:01:17.967
I guess we should have paid,

1224
01:01:17.968 --> 01:01:20.867
any of the several times that
the government offered to settle.

1225
01:01:20.868 --> 01:01:24.667
Instead, whoever owns Noonan
and Noonan after me is really screwed.

1226
01:01:25.717 --> 01:01:27.967
I could have let Jenkins take over,

1227
01:01:27.968 --> 01:01:31.284
but, you know, he and I have
been through so much together.

1228
01:01:31.617 --> 01:01:34.700
All those years, you weren't
around. Jenkins was by my side.

1229
01:01:34.701 --> 01:01:35.933
In the courtroon...

1230
01:01:35.934 --> 01:01:38.700
And later, when we partied
like there was no tomorrow.

1231
01:01:39.233 --> 01:01:42.750
We consumed nightlife like a toothless
hobo sucking off a chicken bone.

1232
01:01:42.933 --> 01:01:46.450
We have the battle scars and
the blood transfusions to prove it.

1233
01:01:46.783 --> 01:01:48.067
Right, Jenk?

1234
01:01:48.450 --> 01:01:50.033
I bet he's blushing.

1235
01:01:50.034 --> 01:01:52.316
I couldn't send Jenkins to prison, son.

1236
01:01:52.317 --> 01:01:54.733
So I made you the fall
guy instead. I'm sorry.

1237
01:01:54.883 --> 01:01:57.700
You're my blood. But
Jenkins? Jenkins is my family.

1238
01:01:57.917 --> 01:01:59.500
I guess that covers it.

1239
01:01:59.700 --> 01:02:02.117
Proud of you... Chicken
bone... Fall guy...

1240
01:02:02.333 --> 01:02:04.683
Yeah. Best of luck, Will.

1241
01:02:05.500 --> 01:02:06.183
Go Pats.

1242
01:02:08.050 --> 01:02:10.450
Okay. So. Any questions?

1243
01:02:10.451 --> 01:02:11.700
What the fuck??

1244
01:02:11.701 --> 01:02:13.283
- You're angry.
- We're angry!

1245
01:02:13.284 --> 01:02:14.416
Okay, let me explain.

1246
01:02:14.417 --> 01:02:16.699
- Your firm has been evading taxes.
- My firm?!

1247
01:02:17.000 --> 01:02:18.350
Excuse me, let me finish.

1248
01:02:18.351 --> 01:02:21.083
Your firm's been evading taxes,
which is a very serious offense.

1249
01:02:21.084 --> 01:02:22.633
Now you owe 3 million dollars.

1250
01:02:22.634 --> 01:02:24.466
3 million dollars?! Are you crazy?

1251
01:02:24.467 --> 01:02:26.583
Excuse me! Let me finish.

1252
01:02:26.584 --> 01:02:29.666
Due by the end of this
week, or you will be arrested.

1253
01:02:29.667 --> 01:02:31.916
Oh my God! I'm gonna be sick.

1254
01:02:31.917 --> 01:02:34.766
Mr. Jenkins? The movers are here.

1255
01:02:35.417 --> 01:02:38.733
Your father has generously
arranged to sell his house and assets

1256
01:02:38.734 --> 01:02:39.916
to help cover the cost.

1257
01:02:39.917 --> 01:02:42.349
Now, this should produce
about 1.8 million dollars.

1258
01:02:42.350 --> 01:02:44.366
But you're still short
1.2 million dollars.

1259
01:02:44.367 --> 01:02:46.416
Do you happen to have 1.2 million dollars?

1260
01:02:46.417 --> 01:02:48.083
- No! -Come on, man!

1261
01:02:48.084 --> 01:02:49.916
I'm really just talking to Will here.

1262
01:02:49.917 --> 01:02:51.399
Maybe, like, 1.1 million?

1263
01:02:51.400 --> 01:02:54.782
- No, I only have 100 bucks.
- Zero millions.

1264
01:02:54.783 --> 01:02:57.632
That's what I guessed.
But I did want to assume.

1265
01:02:57.633 --> 01:03:00.682
Well, I guess you're fucked.

1266
01:03:01.050 --> 01:03:02.100
How is this legal?

1267
01:03:02.101 --> 01:03:03.983
I mean, it's all right
here in the paperwork.

1268
01:03:03.984 --> 01:03:06.383
I'm surprised you didn't
read it before you signed it.

1269
01:03:06.384 --> 01:03:08.000
You are a lawyer now.

1270
01:03:08.867 --> 01:03:09.500
Fuck!

1271
01:03:09.501 --> 01:03:12.000
- Can we look at the paperwork again real quick?
- No.

1272
01:03:12.001 --> 01:03:13.883
You're going to try
to rip it up or eat it.

1273
01:03:13.884 --> 01:03:16.583
I can't go to prison, man.
I'm too pretty for prison.

1274
01:03:16.584 --> 01:03:17.633
Legally speaking?

1275
01:03:18.367 --> 01:03:19.233
You're not.

1276
01:03:25.383 --> 01:03:27.150
It's been nice knowing you, guys.

1277
01:03:27.467 --> 01:03:30.483
Promise not to replace me
with another token white dude?

1278
01:03:30.484 --> 01:03:33.533
Nah, man. We have high
standards for our white guys.

1279
01:03:33.534 --> 01:03:34.650
Thanks.

1280
01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:37.483
He'll need references.

1281
01:03:42.017 --> 01:03:42.933
Hold on.

1282
01:03:43.467 --> 01:03:44.683
We can't just give up.

1283
01:03:45.883 --> 01:03:47.550
So we need a million dollars.

1284
01:03:48.017 --> 01:03:49.017
We're salesmen!

1285
01:03:50.017 --> 01:03:51.617
Getting money is what we do.

1286
01:03:52.050 --> 01:03:55.333
Do you think Brad Mastrangelo
would be out drinking right now? No!

1287
01:03:55.833 --> 01:04:00.217
He'd be trying to figure out what we need
to sell, and who we need to sell it to.

1288
01:04:00.218 --> 01:04:02.900
Now who do we know
that has that type of money?

1289
01:04:03.200 --> 01:04:04.233
Mark Cuban!

1290
01:04:04.234 --> 01:04:06.283
I love that guy on Shark Tank!

1291
01:04:06.467 --> 01:04:08.167
Someone we actually know.

1292
01:04:10.367 --> 01:04:12.100
Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank!

1293
01:04:12.101 --> 01:04:13.383
You don't know him either.

1294
01:04:14.050 --> 01:04:15.133
I feel like I do.

1295
01:04:15.800 --> 01:04:16.800
Wait!

1296
01:04:16.950 --> 01:04:17.950
Bob Donnelly!

1297
01:04:19.067 --> 01:04:20.900
I saw it in his bedroom.

1298
01:04:20.901 --> 01:04:22.783
He has stacks of cash!

1299
01:04:22.784 --> 01:04:24.883
Yes, that's right, Corey!

1300
01:04:25.767 --> 01:04:26.483
Listen.

1301
01:04:27.083 --> 01:04:28.850
How do we help Bob?

1302
01:04:30.700 --> 01:04:31.950
What do you mean?

1303
01:04:32.583 --> 01:04:34.750
Sales is like hypnosis.

1304
01:04:35.450 --> 01:04:37.400
Bob wants to spend that money,

1305
01:04:37.667 --> 01:04:42.750
but he needs us - the professionals!
- to point him in the right direction.

1306
01:04:43.133 --> 01:04:44.267
Bob's a weird guy.

1307
01:04:44.268 --> 01:04:46.667
How do you find out what's
worth a million dollars--

1308
01:04:46.668 --> 01:04:48.950
to a dude that believes in lizard people?

1309
01:04:55.150 --> 01:04:57.200
That's a really good deal on Modelo.

1310
01:04:57.367 --> 01:05:00.283
What? We're brainstorming.

1311
01:05:00.284 --> 01:05:03.200
You just never see it that
low. I'm going to get one after.

1312
01:05:03.201 --> 01:05:05.400
Wait, wait, wait. I have an idea. OK?

1313
01:05:05.401 --> 01:05:07.333
Lemme-- Can I use this?

1314
01:05:07.334 --> 01:05:09.733
Wait a second...

1315
01:05:15.567 --> 01:05:18.783
...This side here and we work
our way all the way around...

1316
01:05:18.784 --> 01:05:21.633
And we have-- Yes!

1317
01:05:22.183 --> 01:05:23.500
Every time!

1318
01:05:24.467 --> 01:05:25.750
Okay. Alright.

1319
01:05:26.150 --> 01:05:28.883
I got an idea. It's
crazy, but it could work.

1320
01:05:28.884 --> 01:05:31.300
So what we need is the three of us...

1321
01:05:32.550 --> 01:05:33.550
Nina!

1322
01:05:34.100 --> 01:05:39.517
and one more badass, hall-of-fame...

1323
01:05:40.083 --> 01:05:41.250
salesperson.

1324
01:05:41.850 --> 01:05:44.383
This is the craziest plan I've ever heard.

1325
01:05:44.550 --> 01:05:45.300
Thank you.

1326
01:05:45.417 --> 01:05:46.450
It's not a compliment.

1327
01:05:46.451 --> 01:05:48.417
You're not selling anything.
You're just stealing.

1328
01:05:48.418 --> 01:05:50.250
Wrong. We're selling an idea.

1329
01:05:50.251 --> 01:05:51.800
Ideas run the world, Tooky.

1330
01:05:51.801 --> 01:05:55.117
We can't do this without you.
You're the best salesman we know.

1331
01:05:55.118 --> 01:05:57.867
Any extra money we make
goes towards your student loans.

1332
01:05:57.868 --> 01:06:00.884
Think about it: in a few years,
when you're a famous designer,

1333
01:06:00.885 --> 01:06:03.817
vacationing with your friends in
Jamaica, this will be your crazy story

1334
01:06:03.818 --> 01:06:05.550
about your days working in sales!

1335
01:06:09.750 --> 01:06:11.233
Okay, I'll do it for Jamaica.

1336
01:06:11.234 --> 01:06:12.633
[they cheer]

1337
01:06:12.750 --> 01:06:13.933
Let's get crazy.

1338
01:06:31.867 --> 01:06:32.867
Corey!

1339
01:06:33.350 --> 01:06:35.100
Hey! Bob!

1340
01:06:37.450 --> 01:06:39.800
- Alright.
- Good to see you.

1341
01:06:39.801 --> 01:06:41.050
You look so good.

1342
01:06:41.051 --> 01:06:42.783
Yeah, thank you. You too!

1343
01:06:42.784 --> 01:06:44.733
- Mmm, Corey.
- OK, yeah...

1344
01:06:44.734 --> 01:06:48.383
You know, when I designed
the garb, in my mind's eye--

1345
01:06:48.384 --> 01:06:50.233
this is exactly how I pictured it.

1346
01:06:50.234 --> 01:06:51.833
Yeah, it feels good.

1347
01:06:51.834 --> 01:06:53.633
Well, when the model's perfect.

1348
01:06:55.717 --> 01:06:57.667
I'm sorry, is this your friend?

1349
01:06:57.668 --> 01:06:58.817
Yeah, this is Will.

1350
01:06:58.818 --> 01:07:00.267
- Hi. -Where are my manners?

1351
01:07:00.633 --> 01:07:01.950
Will...

1352
01:07:03.633 --> 01:07:06.150
- These are very strong bones.
- Thanks.

1353
01:07:06.151 --> 01:07:07.717
Will, I'm sorry. Do you mind me asking?

1354
01:07:07.718 --> 01:07:09.267
Did you ever play water polo?

1355
01:07:09.268 --> 01:07:10.200
I always wanted to!

1356
01:07:10.201 --> 01:07:11.933
You got the shoulders for it!

1357
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:13.033
Thanks.

1358
01:07:13.483 --> 01:07:18.900
This is so fortuitous because we are
thinking of starting a water polo team.

1359
01:07:19.267 --> 01:07:20.733
And we could use a captain.

1360
01:07:20.734 --> 01:07:23.133
- I could be the captain!
- You could be the captain!

1361
01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:26.450
Let's talk about it over
some Moscow mules.

1362
01:07:26.451 --> 01:07:27.733
Those mules that you make.

1363
01:07:27.734 --> 01:07:29.633
Two captains! Two Moscow mules!

1364
01:07:34.533 --> 01:07:36.483
Here we go, boys. Cheers.

1365
01:07:37.167 --> 01:07:38.400
Drink up!

1366
01:07:39.850 --> 01:07:44.167
Tell me that is not the best mule
you've ever had in your mouth?

1367
01:07:44.500 --> 01:07:47.033
This mule kicks!

1368
01:07:47.300 --> 01:07:49.517
You. Are we having fun?

1369
01:07:49.518 --> 01:07:52.067
We're having a great time. I
think we're having so much fun--

1370
01:07:52.068 --> 01:07:55.450
We should mingle and see what's
going on in the rest of the party.

1371
01:07:55.451 --> 01:07:56.400
You are so right.

1372
01:07:56.850 --> 01:07:58.283
Catch up with you boys later.

1373
01:07:58.284 --> 01:07:59.566
Have fun!

1374
01:08:03.650 --> 01:08:05.667
This is the basement.
Circuit breaker's down there.

1375
01:08:05.668 --> 01:08:07.117
Text me when you're in position.

1376
01:08:07.118 --> 01:08:08.834
You sure you still want to do this?

1377
01:08:08.835 --> 01:08:10.351
What do you mean I'm sure? Yes I'm sure.

1378
01:08:10.352 --> 01:08:12.201
I really like Bob. He
makes me feel really good.

1379
01:08:12.202 --> 01:08:13.051
Bob's a creep!

1380
01:08:13.052 --> 01:08:15.551
You want to go to jail?
Or you want to go home?

1381
01:08:15.552 --> 01:08:16.218
Home.

1382
01:08:16.219 --> 01:08:17.435
OK. Let's do it.

1383
01:08:19.367 --> 01:08:21.117
Come on, man!

1384
01:08:31.667 --> 01:08:33.033
Shut the door.

1385
01:08:39.217 --> 01:08:40.417
Shut the door!

1386
01:08:50.650 --> 01:08:53.000
[kissing sounds]

1387
01:08:53.750 --> 01:08:56.217
You are so hot.

1388
01:08:57.967 --> 01:09:01.933
Your tongue is, like,
way bigger than my wife's.

1389
01:09:01.934 --> 01:09:03.766
Where have you been my whole life?

1390
01:09:03.917 --> 01:09:05.300
Medford.

1391
01:09:05.817 --> 01:09:06.817
Medford!

1392
01:09:06.933 --> 01:09:09.233
[more kissing]

1393
01:09:26.233 --> 01:09:27.367
Come on, Will.

1394
01:09:28.500 --> 01:09:29.700
Hey, guys.

1395
01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:31.300
Why don't we filter in?

1396
01:09:31.583 --> 01:09:34.067
It's almost time for our weekly reflection

1397
01:09:36.033 --> 01:09:36.667
Come on.

1398
01:09:37.800 --> 01:09:39.667
Come on. Don't be shy.

1399
01:09:40.400 --> 01:09:42.033
Very good. Hi.

1400
01:09:42.417 --> 01:09:44.467
Jodi, hello.

1401
01:09:47.200 --> 01:09:50.267
So, how was everybody's week?

1402
01:09:50.268 --> 01:09:51.617
Goooood!

1403
01:09:52.817 --> 01:09:53.817
Wonderful.

1404
01:09:54.200 --> 01:09:57.317
Why don't we begin with our pledge?

1405
01:10:00.550 --> 01:10:05.866
The tendrils of life are
immaculately designed,

1406
01:10:05.867 --> 01:10:09.017
and I am grateful for them.

1407
01:10:09.183 --> 01:10:14.200
With Bob's guidance,
we shall find our way--

1408
01:10:15.850 --> 01:10:16.983
I feel ridiculous.

1409
01:10:17.100 --> 01:10:18.817
Don't worry. You look good.

1410
01:10:19.017 --> 01:10:21.217
I can't believe I'm gonna
break this damn window.

1411
01:10:21.218 --> 01:10:23.117
I never committed a crime before my life.

1412
01:10:23.118 --> 01:10:25.200
Relax. Tooky just texted--

1413
01:10:25.201 --> 01:10:26.150
She's going in!

1414
01:10:26.151 --> 01:10:27.200
Now,

1415
01:10:27.201 --> 01:10:28.900
how about a big round of applause

1416
01:10:28.901 --> 01:10:33.983
for Patti Gould, who got second
place in her town's bakeoff this month.

1417
01:10:35.000 --> 01:10:36.217
Come on.

1418
01:10:36.218 --> 01:10:38.017
Let's hear it for her.

1419
01:10:38.018 --> 01:10:41.200
Why don't you tell us, Pat: how
many contestants were there?

1420
01:10:41.201 --> 01:10:42.717
More than two, I hope...

1421
01:10:42.718 --> 01:10:44.884
[everyone laughs]

1422
01:10:45.167 --> 01:10:47.817
Patti, we're fucking around.

1423
01:10:48.900 --> 01:10:50.183
[knocks at the door]

1424
01:10:50.550 --> 01:10:53.550
Hello? Is anyone there?!

1425
01:10:53.700 --> 01:10:55.017
Who could that be?

1426
01:10:56.033 --> 01:10:57.850
Is anybody in there?

1427
01:10:58.533 --> 01:10:59.800
Hello?

1428
01:11:00.817 --> 01:11:01.817
Shut the door!

1429
01:11:02.717 --> 01:11:04.367
Are you alright?

1430
01:11:04.368 --> 01:11:06.567
Thank- Thank- Thank you.

1431
01:11:06.800 --> 01:11:09.350
I rang on five doors, but nobody...

1432
01:11:09.767 --> 01:11:12.983
- Nobody-- I ran for my life.
- What happened?

1433
01:11:12.984 --> 01:11:15.117
There's two of them! I didn't...

1434
01:11:15.917 --> 01:11:18.117
I didn't see them at
first, but I heard them.

1435
01:11:18.367 --> 01:11:21.467
They weren't talking. They
were making hissing sounds.

1436
01:11:22.500 --> 01:11:24.433
And I was walking down the street.

1437
01:11:24.667 --> 01:11:28.767
And one of them got up on me
and grabbed me and I screamed.

1438
01:11:28.983 --> 01:11:31.900
I ran-- I ran, but they followed me.

1439
01:11:32.900 --> 01:11:35.467
They're right outside.
They looked so terrible.

1440
01:11:36.217 --> 01:11:41.800
They had forked tongues and long tails...

1441
01:11:43.483 --> 01:11:46.850
and green scaly skin.

1442
01:11:47.583 --> 01:11:49.133
Lizard people!

1443
01:11:49.134 --> 01:11:52.000
[everyone screams]

1444
01:11:54.167 --> 01:11:55.350
Hello?!

1445
01:11:56.567 --> 01:11:58.967
- Who's there??
- It's them.

1446
01:12:07.600 --> 01:12:08.683
[GROWL]

1447
01:12:08.684 --> 01:12:09.750
[everyone screams]

1448
01:12:09.751 --> 01:12:11.633
Get out while you still can!

1449
01:12:18.067 --> 01:12:19.133
Take me Daddy.

1450
01:12:19.533 --> 01:12:20.467
Oh no!

1451
01:12:20.867 --> 01:12:22.183
Is it because I'm fat??

1452
01:12:27.917 --> 01:12:30.450
[Orlando GROWLS] [the crowd screams]

1453
01:12:31.800 --> 01:12:33.333
Orlando! Where's Bob?

1454
01:12:38.517 --> 01:12:41.233
[Bob SCREAMS]

1455
01:13:00.433 --> 01:13:01.767
Is that blood?

1456
01:13:02.183 --> 01:13:03.833
This is bad.

1457
01:13:13.617 --> 01:13:15.300
Lizard people!

1458
01:13:18.967 --> 01:13:20.567
Hey Corey! We gotta go.

1459
01:13:21.250 --> 01:13:22.383
Alright. Coming!

1460
01:13:23.067 --> 01:13:25.633
Also, Orlando passed out
and Bob needs an ambulance.

1461
01:13:25.634 --> 01:13:26.316
What?!

1462
01:13:29.367 --> 01:13:30.167
Did I...

1463
01:13:31.817 --> 01:13:32.967
Did I get him?!

1464
01:13:33.350 --> 01:13:34.050
Uhh...

1465
01:13:34.850 --> 01:13:35.700
No.

1466
01:13:35.701 --> 01:13:36.700
Fuck!!

1467
01:13:40.717 --> 01:13:42.267
Where's Corey?

1468
01:13:42.268 --> 01:13:43.917
Don't worry about that right now.

1469
01:13:43.918 --> 01:13:45.234
Where is he?

1470
01:13:46.150 --> 01:13:48.217
Is it gonna be okay?

1471
01:13:49.250 --> 01:13:51.033
Of course it is.

1472
01:13:51.034 --> 01:13:51.733
Yeah?

1473
01:13:51.734 --> 01:13:55.600
They're going to stitch you right up
and give you some nice painkillers.

1474
01:13:55.601 --> 01:13:57.817
You're gonna be high as fuck.

1475
01:13:57.818 --> 01:13:59.800
That sounds good.

1476
01:13:59.801 --> 01:14:03.350
In a couple weeks it'll be
like nothing even happened...

1477
01:14:06.350 --> 01:14:08.683
This poem is called:

1478
01:14:08.684 --> 01:14:11.083
"Wow, that shit was crazy."

1479
01:14:11.084 --> 01:14:13.816
[audience snaps]

1480
01:14:14.183 --> 01:14:15.383
Blood.

1481
01:14:16.183 --> 01:14:17.833
So much blood.

1482
01:14:19.167 --> 01:14:23.633
Red, purple, maroon, ochre blood.

1483
01:14:24.167 --> 01:14:27.083
In that moment, color seemed crazy.

1484
01:14:27.867 --> 01:14:29.967
So vivid and unreal.

1485
01:14:30.933 --> 01:14:32.350
Then again,

1486
01:14:32.850 --> 01:14:34.300
what is reality?

1487
01:14:35.517 --> 01:14:39.367
If you ask 10 people,
you'll get 10 answers...

1488
01:14:39.517 --> 01:14:42.333
or more, if you let them talk long enough.

1489
01:14:43.750 --> 01:14:45.750
Maybe that's what I was thinking

1490
01:14:45.983 --> 01:14:47.833
about when I saw the blood.

1491
01:14:48.700 --> 01:14:49.733
I don't know.

1492
01:14:50.400 --> 01:14:53.300
I felt discombobulated and passed out.

1493
01:14:54.183 --> 01:14:56.500
But right before I hit the ground,

1494
01:14:57.717 --> 01:14:59.617
I remember wondering,

1495
01:15:01.400 --> 01:15:02.833
Why am I lizard?

1496
01:15:09.900 --> 01:15:17.900
[the audience snaps and cheers]

1497
01:15:25.017 --> 01:15:26.267
Orlando.

1498
01:15:26.817 --> 01:15:27.867
Great performance.

1499
01:15:28.083 --> 01:15:31.117
I really enjoyed the
fact that it didn't rhyme.

1500
01:15:31.400 --> 01:15:35.850
Now, before we go over today's products,
I have a few bits of housekeeping.

1501
01:15:36.083 --> 01:15:38.717
First, I think you noticed
that we have a new hire,

1502
01:15:38.718 --> 01:15:40.767
now that Will's off lawyering.

1503
01:15:41.267 --> 01:15:42.967
Hey, I'm Zach.

1504
01:15:42.968 --> 01:15:47.284
Just got my associates from
Middlesex CC, excited to get to know you.

1505
01:15:49.400 --> 01:15:51.683
Well? Introduce yourselves.

1506
01:15:51.817 --> 01:15:56.300
[they all talk over each other]

1507
01:15:56.301 --> 01:15:57.250
Great!

1508
01:15:57.633 --> 01:16:02.150
Now, Corey, I believe you have
an update on Bob's recovery.

1509
01:16:02.151 --> 01:16:04.150
Oh yeah, I saw him the other day.

1510
01:16:04.950 --> 01:16:07.533
Thank you for the visit, Corey.

1511
01:16:08.700 --> 01:16:10.900
But I hate for you to see me like this.

1512
01:16:11.867 --> 01:16:12.783
How are you doing?

1513
01:16:12.784 --> 01:16:14.933
I'm in agony, Corey.

1514
01:16:16.117 --> 01:16:18.783
I can't even feed myself.

1515
01:16:22.900 --> 01:16:25.817
Luckily, I was blessed,

1516
01:16:26.283 --> 01:16:29.033
with an athletic, powerful physique.

1517
01:16:29.567 --> 01:16:30.917
But I've stayed

1518
01:16:32.033 --> 01:16:34.567
in peak physical condition.

1519
01:16:35.450 --> 01:16:36.750
- Yeah.
- So the body?

1520
01:16:37.317 --> 01:16:39.833
The body will mend, Corey.

1521
01:16:39.834 --> 01:16:41.150
But my ego?

1522
01:16:43.233 --> 01:16:45.600
Well, that'll take some time to heal.

1523
01:16:46.900 --> 01:16:49.533
You know that cash in my room?

1524
01:16:49.534 --> 01:16:50.533
Cash?

1525
01:16:51.350 --> 01:16:53.233
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cash.

1526
01:16:53.350 --> 01:16:55.750
It was stolen the night you were here.

1527
01:16:57.300 --> 01:16:58.683
Do you know who stole it?

1528
01:17:01.283 --> 01:17:04.050
I've got a pretty good idea, Corey.

1529
01:17:06.200 --> 01:17:07.367
Who?

1530
01:17:10.500 --> 01:17:13.033
It was those goddamn lizards!

1531
01:17:13.400 --> 01:17:15.533
Probably on their spaceship right now,

1532
01:17:15.534 --> 01:17:16.500
laughing at me.

1533
01:17:16.501 --> 01:17:19.533
Sucking and fucking on top of my money.

1534
01:17:19.534 --> 01:17:24.766
Drinking reptile cum and using
20 dollar bills that I earned--

1535
01:17:24.767 --> 01:17:26.516
as napkins.

1536
01:17:27.717 --> 01:17:30.250
It's enough to make a man sick, Corey.

1537
01:17:31.133 --> 01:17:33.050
But they thought they could stop me.

1538
01:17:33.051 --> 01:17:37.217
Now that the world knows
the lizard menace is real--

1539
01:17:38.200 --> 01:17:41.317
now that they know those
goddamn scalebacks are out there,

1540
01:17:41.318 --> 01:17:43.484
threatening to steal our children?

1541
01:17:43.983 --> 01:17:45.367
Well, our membership--

1542
01:17:46.133 --> 01:17:47.400
is through the roof.

1543
01:17:47.933 --> 01:17:49.600
And the most exciting part?

1544
01:17:50.033 --> 01:17:51.983
What do you think, girls? Should we--

1545
01:17:52.100 --> 01:17:53.400
Should we show him?

1546
01:17:54.033 --> 01:17:57.667
Give him a little sneak peek?

1547
01:17:59.283 --> 01:18:01.850
The Life Tendrils 2--

1548
01:18:01.851 --> 01:18:03.817
Resurrection.

1549
01:18:05.033 --> 01:18:06.617
So it all worked out for Bob?

1550
01:18:06.700 --> 01:18:08.583
It all worked out for--

1551
01:18:08.584 --> 01:18:09.716
Will?

1552
01:18:10.416 --> 01:18:11.132
Hey.

1553
01:18:11.133 --> 01:18:12.917
Why aren't you at Noonan and Noonan?

1554
01:18:12.918 --> 01:18:14.217
I can't take it anymore.

1555
01:18:14.517 --> 01:18:17.000
I've been stuck in an office for two days.

1556
01:18:17.001 --> 01:18:18.167
- Ugh.
- Yeah!

1557
01:18:18.168 --> 01:18:20.384
It's just constantly emails
I don't want to answer.

1558
01:18:20.385 --> 01:18:22.084
Meetings where nothing gets done.

1559
01:18:22.085 --> 01:18:25.851
Long conversations about
Netflix shows I've never watched.

1560
01:18:26.483 --> 01:18:30.450
Maybe there's more to life than selling
stuff and drinking beer. I don't know.

1561
01:18:30.451 --> 01:18:32.483
But at least it's an honest living.

1562
01:18:33.317 --> 01:18:36.917
Last night, I had a dream about
the people in our neighborhoods.

1563
01:18:37.633 --> 01:18:40.600
I missed their smiles, their stories,

1564
01:18:40.601 --> 01:18:43.433
even the creative ways
they tell me to go fuck myself.

1565
01:18:44.217 --> 01:18:46.167
That's when I realized:

1566
01:18:46.383 --> 01:18:47.533
dammit,

1567
01:18:48.367 --> 01:18:49.700
I'm a salesman.

1568
01:18:49.817 --> 01:18:51.117
And proud of it, too.

1569
01:18:51.633 --> 01:18:53.017
That was poetry.

1570
01:18:53.018 --> 01:18:54.517
Bravo, good sir.

1571
01:18:54.717 --> 01:18:55.917
Hey, who's that guy?

1572
01:18:56.383 --> 01:18:58.183
He's history now that you're back.

1573
01:18:58.184 --> 01:18:58.833
What?

1574
01:18:58.834 --> 01:19:03.083
Now, let's get out there and
have the best sales day ever!

1575
01:19:04.717 --> 01:19:12.317
[end music]