1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,195 -Action. -Design. 4 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,320 - Another one? 5 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:14,324 Well, I'm still vertical, so I'd like to change that. 6 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,585 Ho, ho. 7 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,339 Bitter. Pint. 8 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,134 You just get off? 9 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,141 I'm taking a break. 10 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,310 Between shifts, I guess you could say. 11 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:42,894 - Hmm. - You ain't driving, are you? 12 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:45,939 I steer a little, but the reindeer do most of the work. 13 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,277 Mm-hmm. 14 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,487 This is my, uh, fourth year as a Santa. 15 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,780 Ah. 16 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,032 How about you? 17 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,117 Lost count. 18 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,287 I forget why I started doing it in the first place. 19 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,582 Same reason anybody does anything. 20 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,375 The money. 21 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:08,045 Money. Money. 22 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,047 This whole planet runs on greed. 23 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,179 It's the look on the kiddies' faces, innit? 24 00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,805 That's what does it for me. 25 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:22,476 - Ah, the look. Yeah, that look. 26 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,686 Lasts about two seconds. 27 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,105 As soon as they're finished unwrapping, 28 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,566 they want the next present, 29 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,319 they want the next cool thing. 30 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,321 That's how this world works. 31 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,365 And kids-- what kids have become. 32 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:40,535 They're just like little junkies. 33 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:43,205 They're little shits. They just demand. 34 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,748 They don't believe. 35 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:48,460 They just want, crave, consume. 36 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,967 Maybe this is my last year. 37 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,222 The last Christmas. 38 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:07,312 Well, I can't stand seeing another Santa in distress. 39 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,107 Put his drinks on my tab. 40 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,566 - Okay? - Yeah. 41 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,194 Oh, very merry of you. Okay. 42 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,613 I better get going. 43 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,824 Presents aren't gonna deliver themselves. 44 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,868 Oh, uh... 45 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,745 For your grandson. Save me a trip. 46 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,789 It's, uh, that new video game. 47 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,500 It's Astro Blaster, Blaster Astro. 48 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,502 I-I don't know. 49 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,878 Merry Christmas. 50 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,381 How'd he know my grandson's name? 51 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:37,592 - How'd he know I have a grandson? - 52 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:41,888 Oi! That door leads to the roof. 53 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,223 Piss head. 54 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,767 Go easy on him. It's Christmas. 55 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:51,314 Hey! You can't be up here. 56 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,985 If you break your neck, I'm the one... 57 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,257 My God. 58 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,097 It's... 59 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,601 ...beauti... 60 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,650 Hi. Hi, hi, hi. 61 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,985 There she is. Hello, muffin. 62 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,322 Let's go see Grandma. 63 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,492 Ooh. 64 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,744 Merry Christmas. 65 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,665 Merry Christmas, Trudy. 66 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,749 Merry... 67 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,501 Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! 68 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,921 Merry Christmas, Daddy, ya filthy animal. 69 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,508 She got to stay up late and watch Home Alone. 70 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,592 Uh-huh. 71 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,512 It was so funny. 72 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,973 - Yep. - That... that hurts. 73 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,516 - All morning. - Okay, um... 74 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,560 Thank you. 75 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,479 For doing this. 76 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,690 I'm not doing it for you. 77 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,485 - It's Christmas! - Yeah! 78 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,381 Merry Christmas, Al. 79 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,216 Hi, Linda. Merry Christmas. 80 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,260 - Mr. Lightstone. - Hey, Al. 81 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,636 Hey, you back there, Tru? 82 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,388 Yeah, I bet you're excited for Christmas. 83 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,098 What did you ask Santa for? 84 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,850 - Not to work on Christmas Eve. 85 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,435 Must've been naughty this year, 86 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,061 -'cause here I am. - Mm-hmm. 87 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,063 Just make sure you let Santa through the gates later, Al. 88 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,607 - Yeah. - Have a merry one, now. 89 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,609 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, Al. 90 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,652 Merry Christmas, Tru. 91 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,195 -Thank you, Al. - Yeah. 92 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,763 I can't remember where the second one is. 93 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,934 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 94 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,686 Merry Christmas. 95 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,772 Hope you're on the nice list. 96 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,524 That doesn't go over there. 97 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,909 Excuse me. 98 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,956 What the hell is this? 99 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,334 You are the worst catering company on the planet. 100 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,336 It's lengthwise, not width. 101 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,213 Unbelievable. 102 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:00,814 Okay. 103 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,024 Hi. Hi, guys. Merry Christmas. 104 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,984 - Hi. - I'm fine. Thank you so much. 105 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:11,574 I'll never get over the fact that you grew up like this. 106 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:15,161 My therapist says I'll never get over it, either. 107 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,372 I need a drink. 108 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:25,171 - Hey, look at that. 109 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,932 Hi, Linda. 110 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,976 - Hey. - How's it going, Alva? 111 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,894 Mm-hmm. You gained weight. 112 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,772 - Looks good on you, though. 113 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,691 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 114 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,401 'Sup, limp dick? 115 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,529 I got great feelings about this Christmas. 116 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,698 - You want to know why? - Yeah. 117 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,700 'Cause I think this is the year 118 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,493 that Mom's gonna kick herself upstairs 119 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:58,204 and choose one of us to start running the show. 120 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,709 And I got to tell you, Jason, that I'm gunning for your ass. 121 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,920 What would a Lightstone family Christmas be 122 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,714 without groveling and infighting? 123 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,759 Your rosé, ma'am. 124 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:13,511 Honey, smile. It's Christmas. 125 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,637 Mm. 126 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,222 Good. Good girl. 127 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,728 I am sorry about my sister. 128 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,569 It is really nice to see you. 129 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,698 To have you here. 130 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:40,413 Okay, I'm behind. Catch me up on all the hot goss. 131 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,248 Hot goss. Okay. 132 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:46,044 Um, well, you remember Bert, my sister's pride and joy. 133 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:49,881 Yo, yo, yo. This is the Bert Locker 134 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:53,760 living that bling life on Christmas Eve. 135 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,763 Hashtag "blessed." 136 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,307 He just got what I can only assume 137 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,602 will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations. 138 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,270 Mom paid off the school, 139 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,439 and now the gymnasium is named after us. 140 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,441 Of course she did. 141 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,567 What about Tragic Mike? 142 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,361 All I'm saying is, 143 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,029 if I was on one of those planes, 144 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,031 9/11 would've ended with a bunch of terrorists 145 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,785 skydiving over Connecticut without their parachutes. 146 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,829 -Yeah. You like that? - Yes. Yes. 147 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:23,039 - Yeah, I do like it. - Ooh. 148 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,458 - Kiss me in front of my son. - Now, huh? 149 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,002 - Mm... 150 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,046 He might actually be a decent actor. 151 00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,131 - Hmm. -He's been doing an Oscar-worthy job 152 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,717 - of pretending to find my sister appealing. - 153 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:37,220 Now he wants Mom to fund a film for him. 154 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,141 - It's Gertrude! - It's Mom. 155 00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,185 - Okay, let's do this. - Okay, okay. Come on. 156 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,895 - Come on. Bert, get over here. - No. Mom. Mom! 157 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,146 - Positions. - Game time, buddy. 158 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,982 - Okay. Okay. - This is my good side. 159 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,775 We've gone over this! Come on! 160 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,901 Gosh. Okay. 161 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,069 Bert, get in the middle. 162 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,320 So it begins. 163 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,447 Seriously, come. You know what that means. 164 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,533 Shall we jockey forward? 165 00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,285 No. 166 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:04,038 No, we can hang back. 167 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,498 Yeah. 168 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,125 Trudy, honey? 169 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,086 Come on over here. 170 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,715 Just, like... 171 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,508 Threaten 'em or bribe 'em. 172 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,801 This isn't rocket science. 173 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,344 Same shit we always do. 174 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,180 That's what? 175 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,641 That's the best you can do? 176 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,518 Excited to see your grandma? 177 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,853 Listen, you cocksucker. 178 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,813 It's Christmas, so why don't you take 179 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,732 your best offer, gift wrap it, 180 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:33,693 and ram it up your fucking box. 181 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,363 Maybe you don't realize who I am. 182 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,948 Those were Grandma words. You know, forget them. 183 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,783 Oh, boy. Look at Mr. Cool back here. 184 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,036 Yeah, what's your angle, man? Hmm? 185 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,663 No angle. I'm not doing anything. 186 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,123 Oh, yeah. 187 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,708 No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No! 188 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,753 Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's chocolate cake. 189 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,046 Grandma's cool. 190 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,340 I can make that story go away... 191 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,050 I think your brother's up to something. 192 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,843 No, I just decided to let you guys 193 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,720 have all the fun sucking up to Mom today. 194 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,514 Please. You are King Suck-up. 195 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,558 You named your kid Gertrude. 196 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,228 Alva, you named your son Bertrude. 197 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,230 Okay. 198 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,941 Sorry, Bert, but that's not a real name. 199 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,777 Sorry, Linda. We can't all be lucky enough to have daughters. 200 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,779 Mom, I can hear you. 201 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,491 You know something we don't. What is it? 202 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,951 No, I don't. I don't. 203 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,202 I got it. Bingo. 204 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,620 I'm onto you, man. Come on! 205 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,246 - We were just... - Come on, 206 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,498 come on, come on, come on. 207 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,792 - You big sack of shit. - Ooh. 208 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,627 No wonder your husband left you. 209 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,879 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 210 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,257 Merry Christmas to you, too, Senator. 211 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,885 - Merry Christmas, Mommy. - Merry Christmas. 212 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:43,763 Merry Christmas. 213 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,516 Why in the hell are you standing all the way back there? 214 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,352 Merry Christmas, Grandma! 215 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,437 - Aw. - Little bitch. 216 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,982 Little Gertrude. And how is my favorite granddaughter? 217 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,526 Everybody calls me Trudy now. 218 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,194 Trudy? 219 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,656 - Well, that makes her sound like a whore. -Okay. 220 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,409 Oh, she doesn't even know the meaning of the word. 221 00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,744 I'm starving. Let's eat. 222 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,204 Great. 223 00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,707 And, Mom, I think Gertrude is a beautiful name. 224 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,001 Mm-hmm. I only call her Gertrude. 225 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,293 - Merry Christmas, Gertrude. - Come on, Bertrude. 226 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:22,028 Another fucking Christmas. 227 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,116 I made these all by myself. 228 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,701 - No way. - Mm-hmm. 229 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,870 I even made one that looks exactly like Santa. 230 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,372 - Exactly. - Yeah. 231 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,750 Santa gets a candy cane, too? 232 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,001 Yeah. 233 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,503 Mm, okay. 234 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,547 It's perfect. 235 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,216 No peeking. 236 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,676 This house has so many chimneys. 237 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,222 How will Santa know which one to come down? 238 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,099 Oh, Santa just knows. 239 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:52,892 Christmas magic. 240 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,563 Honey, what's wrong? 241 00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:01,067 Daddy never took me to see Santa at the mall this year. 242 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,070 He didn't. 243 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,449 I am so sorry. 244 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,203 This year has been weird. 245 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:15,915 I never got to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas. 246 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,417 Oh, honey. Come here. 247 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,715 You know what? 248 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:28,928 You go put your pj's on, 249 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,014 and I will be two minutes. 250 00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,106 Yes! 251 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,985 Okay... 252 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,619 Yes. 253 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,292 Yes! 254 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:05,173 Because you have been so good to me and Mommy this year, 255 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:09,135 we decided that you could have one gift... 256 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,012 early! 257 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:13,472 - Really? 258 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,604 What is it? 259 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:25,109 That is a very special walkie-talkie. 260 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,652 It's magic. 261 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,945 - Magic? - Mm-hmm. 262 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,156 What you got right there 263 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,533 is a direct hotline to Santa Claus himself. 264 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,286 - I can talk to Santa? - Oh, yeah. 265 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:39,123 It's just like writing him a letter... but better. 266 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:40,249 Mm-hmm. 267 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,044 Now, the only thing is, 268 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,421 he might not have time to answer you. 269 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,465 He's delivering a lot of presents tonight. 270 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,799 Mm-hmm. 271 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:51,385 But he'll hear everything you want to say to him. 272 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,685 Hello, Santa? 273 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:03,147 This is Trudy Lightstone. 274 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,191 I hope you're having a nice night. 275 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,360 Mm. 276 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:12,114 It's really cold tonight, so don't forget your mittens. 277 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:16,244 So, I wanted to tell you, Santa, 278 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,037 I was extra good this year, 279 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:22,208 so I wrote a big list for you with all the stuff I wanted. 280 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,419 But then... 281 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,839 then I realized I don't need any of that. 282 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:33,469 I really only want one present for Christmas. 283 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,808 I want Mommy and Daddy to make up 284 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:41,227 so we can be a family again. 285 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,105 Okay. 286 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,274 Good night, Santa. 287 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,568 Good night, Mr. Bunny. 288 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,749 Which one of you did that? 289 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,419 You can't go two seconds without 290 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,254 crapping on the roof like a bunch of pigeons? 291 00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:13,092 So unprofessional. 292 00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:18,389 You know, Rudolph will never do this crap. 293 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,279 Hmm. 294 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,368 Mmm. 295 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,294 Mmm, mmm. 296 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,630 Homemade. 297 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,007 Mmm. 298 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,846 Ugh. 299 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,431 Skim. 300 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,276 Oh, yeah. 301 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,403 That's the stuff. 302 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,743 Mmm. 303 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,496 DuBoi... 304 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,499 - On some prewar shit right there. - 305 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,918 - Good shit. 306 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,181 Mmm. 307 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,849 That pairs well. 308 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,519 What do we have here? 309 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,453 Oh, yeah. 310 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,539 That's the stuff. 311 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,551 - You know, uh... 312 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,554 Christmas is all right, 313 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:25,224 but you Americans don't celebrate my favorite holiday. 314 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,893 Oh, yeah? What? 315 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,520 Boxing Day. 316 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,430 Yo, yo. B. Lightstone here, 317 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,223 live streaming the dream, you know. 318 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,767 They say the richest man... 319 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,562 Say goodbye. 320 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,522 And if you... 321 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,693 Grandma! Your Wi-Fi sucks dick. 322 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,361 Damn it! 323 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,947 When he was small, I begged you to beat him. 324 00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:41,425 Hey. Merry Christmas. 325 00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:43,093 Or should I say "happy holidays" now? 326 00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:45,137 Right? I mean, it's like, people, make up your minds. 327 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,389 - You know what I'm saying? - Can I help you? 328 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:49,350 Oh, yeah. I sure hope so. See, uh, 329 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,976 my car broke down a little ways... 330 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,811 Out here? This is a private road. 331 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:54,813 You're telling me. 332 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:57,107 It's the first place I've seen for miles. 333 00:21:57,107 --> 00:21:58,400 I think I got frostbite. 334 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,735 Where the hell am I, anyway? 335 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:01,487 G.T. Lightstone family compound. 336 00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:03,322 I'll call you a tow. 337 00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:14,375 All right, revelers. 338 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:16,168 Time to steal Christmas. 339 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:17,419 Sound off. 340 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,004 Jingle. Check. 341 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,589 Peppermint. Check. 342 00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:22,174 Sugarplum. Check. 343 00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,135 Krampus. Ready to fuck shit up. 344 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,929 Candy Cane. Check. 345 00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:29,557 - Go for Frosty. - Go for Tinsel. 346 00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:31,267 Go for Gingerbread. 347 00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:34,228 Are we gonna use these stupid code names all night? 348 00:22:34,228 --> 00:22:35,729 'Tis the season. 349 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:39,525 Welcome to your worst Christmas ever. 350 00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:42,903 Trudy loves seeing Santa at the mall. 351 00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:45,531 She loves going with her father. 352 00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:47,199 And you should've taken her yesterday, 353 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,576 like you do every Christmas, 354 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,286 but we didn't even hear from you. 355 00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:51,620 Mom put me on a special project. 356 00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:53,038 - It's complicated. - But it's not, 357 00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:55,124 because it keeps happening over and over. 358 00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:57,710 - Your mother forcing herself between us. -You're right. 359 00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:04,675 What if we could give Trudy her Christmas wish? 360 00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:06,760 You're trying to win me back 361 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,430 with a romantic weekend at your mother's? 362 00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:12,766 What if things really changed this time? 363 00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:16,979 We got out from under my mother's thumb. 364 00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,772 We'll walk away. 365 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:21,483 From the company, the family. 366 00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:25,821 Tonight. 367 00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:28,157 What are you up to? 368 00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,745 Let's go. 369 00:24:14,745 --> 00:24:17,247 We need to get you out of here. 370 00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:18,999 Mommy, where are you going? 371 00:24:18,999 --> 00:24:20,793 - She's going for the panic room! - What? 372 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,127 - Yes. Go, Bertrude. - Without us? 373 00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:30,135 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 374 00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:53,784 There isn't room for all of us. 375 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,536 She can fit at least two of us. Mom, take me. 376 00:24:55,536 --> 00:24:57,496 - Mom! - Oh. Yeah. 377 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,123 M-Mom, can Bert come, too? 378 00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:03,043 Okay. Move it or lose it, son. 379 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:04,753 - Move it! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 380 00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,880 You're supposed to protect us. 381 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,549 We protect the primary asset. 382 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:13,721 Who the hell are you? 383 00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:16,682 You can call me Mr. Scrooge. 384 00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:18,851 Hilarious. 385 00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:20,185 Get him. 386 00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,155 Bah humbug, motherfucker. 387 00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:42,791 Hey. Step aside. 388 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:46,545 Tinsel, Peppermint, sweep upstairs. 389 00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:48,756 I want all the Lightstones together. 390 00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,258 Kill anybody else you find. 391 00:26:01,435 --> 00:26:04,229 Fuck. Fuck, fuck. 392 00:26:05,063 --> 00:26:07,608 Trudy, honey, we got to go. 393 00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:10,110 Wake up, honey. Wake up. 394 00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:12,905 Maybe we can get out the back by the servants' stairs. 395 00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,247 Oh, come on. Not now. Not now. 396 00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:25,375 Fuck! Fuck! 397 00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:26,919 Mistletoe, gingerbread. 398 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:52,194 Hey! 399 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,281 Oh. Oh. 400 00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:57,741 Hi. 401 00:26:57,741 --> 00:27:00,202 You got me. 402 00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:02,788 I don't want any trouble, okay? 403 00:27:02,788 --> 00:27:04,498 Downstairs. Now. 404 00:27:04,498 --> 00:27:08,168 Look, mister, I don't want to get involved. 405 00:27:08,168 --> 00:27:10,587 I just... I just have a job to do. 406 00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:11,964 Okay? That's it. 407 00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:14,466 I'm just gonna take my bag, 408 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:17,302 and I'm just gonna scooch up that chimney. 409 00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:20,681 Enough talk. Let's go. 410 00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:23,225 You don't want to do this. 411 00:27:23,225 --> 00:27:24,434 What? This? 412 00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:27,479 Now, move! 413 00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:29,481 - Are you deaf? 414 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:31,483 Fucking move! 415 00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:44,162 No, no, no. 416 00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:47,332 No! Wait! 417 00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:48,667 Wait. 418 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:50,335 Wait! Don't go! 419 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:52,212 Come back! 420 00:29:07,287 --> 00:29:09,039 Oh, fuck! 421 00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:34,648 Oh, shit. 422 00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:59,798 Damn chickenshit reindeer leave me here to die. 423 00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:23,155 Cute. 424 00:30:23,155 --> 00:30:26,283 Do you have any idea who you're fucking with? 425 00:30:29,619 --> 00:30:32,497 I know exactly who I'm fucking with. 426 00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,624 Oh, wait, wait. Did you actually think 427 00:30:34,624 --> 00:30:36,168 that I spent months 428 00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:38,837 planning a complex break-in to the most secure 429 00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:40,464 private residence in the country 430 00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:42,215 and I didn't know who lived here? 431 00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:43,800 Well, you're wrong. 432 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,762 'Cause your staff are dead. 433 00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:48,889 - Your security are dead. 434 00:30:48,889 --> 00:30:52,184 Now, sit down and shut the fuck up! 435 00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:22,339 Oh, fuck. 436 00:31:25,217 --> 00:31:26,551 We planned it. It's all right. 437 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:28,178 It'll be solved in a couple minutes. 438 00:31:28,178 --> 00:31:29,721 Better be solved. 439 00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:32,099 So much like a scene from my movie Dark Ransom. 440 00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:33,558 Oh, my God. 441 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,228 If they didn't have guns, 442 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:38,271 I could take out three, maybe four of them. 443 00:31:38,271 --> 00:31:40,398 Try all of them. 444 00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:43,026 Ew, Mom. Yuck. 445 00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:44,820 If you'd really done your research, you'd know 446 00:31:44,820 --> 00:31:47,614 that my brother Rory was kidnapped in the '70s. 447 00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:51,118 But my father never called the police. 448 00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:53,620 Dad sent in our own private extraction team, 449 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:57,207 and Rory was home safe and sound a week later. 450 00:31:57,207 --> 00:32:00,877 And the kidnappers were never found. 451 00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,963 If you get me. 452 00:32:04,506 --> 00:32:06,007 I know. 453 00:32:06,007 --> 00:32:08,718 I know all about your extraction team 454 00:32:08,718 --> 00:32:10,804 that you affectionately call "the Kill Squad" 455 00:32:10,804 --> 00:32:12,597 behind closed doors. 456 00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:14,516 I also know that they're on their way 457 00:32:14,516 --> 00:32:16,518 and how long it's gonna take 'em to get here. 458 00:32:16,518 --> 00:32:19,437 I even know their credit ratings and their dick sizes. 459 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:21,106 If you get me. 460 00:32:21,106 --> 00:32:23,275 Then you should also know you're already dead. 461 00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:25,110 We don't do ransoms. 462 00:32:25,110 --> 00:32:27,737 Again, I know. I know. 463 00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:29,739 See, I know a lot, Gertrude. 464 00:32:29,739 --> 00:32:31,491 I really do. 465 00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:34,578 Like the fact that you have 300 million in U.S. dollars 466 00:32:34,578 --> 00:32:36,705 sitting in your personal vault downstairs. 467 00:32:36,705 --> 00:32:38,957 - The fuck? - That's right. 468 00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:41,710 300 million that the U.S. government 469 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:45,172 gave Lightstone to quietly distribute in the Middle East 470 00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:46,840 to all the worst people, 471 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:51,011 to grease the wheels and keep that sweet oil flowing. 472 00:32:51,011 --> 00:32:55,599 300 million that-- oops-- disappeared in the fog of war. 473 00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:58,810 Except it didn't really disappear, did it, Gerty? 474 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,145 'Cause you stole it. 475 00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:01,730 Did you know about this? 476 00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:03,190 Man, this family. 477 00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:06,359 This moneygrubbing family. 478 00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:08,236 Clinging desperately to your wealth, 479 00:33:08,236 --> 00:33:10,655 when your poor employees don't even have enough coal 480 00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:12,532 to keep Tiny Tim warm. 481 00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:15,702 What is it with you and all this Christmas shit? 482 00:33:15,702 --> 00:33:17,495 Talk all you want. 483 00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:19,331 You'll never get in the vault. 484 00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:22,834 Oh, oh, oh, because when you-you hit the panic button, 485 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,502 it reset the combination? 486 00:33:24,502 --> 00:33:28,173 I keep telling you, I know. 487 00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:35,847 This is what breaking into a vault has turned into? 488 00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:40,518 Remember when you just had to drill holes and blow shit up? 489 00:33:40,518 --> 00:33:42,187 I don't know, maybe I'm getting old, 490 00:33:42,187 --> 00:33:43,688 but there was something romantic about that. 491 00:33:43,688 --> 00:33:45,941 Boss, you copy? 492 00:33:45,941 --> 00:33:47,901 I'm kind of busy here. 493 00:33:47,901 --> 00:33:50,362 You're gonna want to see this. 494 00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:01,373 Maybe he fell. 495 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:02,791 You rappel down buildings with him. 496 00:34:02,791 --> 00:34:05,210 You gonna tell me he just fell out a window? 497 00:34:06,044 --> 00:34:08,046 All right, look lively, gang. 498 00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:09,798 We got a gopher. 499 00:34:25,230 --> 00:34:26,731 You know what? 500 00:34:26,731 --> 00:34:30,902 Um, I think Mr. Bunny wants to go to sleep. 501 00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:32,904 So, let's tuck him in. 502 00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,531 Okay? 503 00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:37,409 It's gonna be okay. 504 00:34:51,298 --> 00:34:53,842 Hello? Santa? 505 00:34:53,842 --> 00:34:55,802 Are you there? 506 00:35:01,641 --> 00:35:03,393 Shit. 507 00:35:07,522 --> 00:35:10,150 This is Candy Cane at checkpoint three. 508 00:35:10,150 --> 00:35:11,860 Oh, shit. 509 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:13,653 Shit. Shit. Shit. 510 00:35:16,823 --> 00:35:18,742 Video game. 511 00:35:19,909 --> 00:35:21,244 Video game. 512 00:35:21,244 --> 00:35:23,455 Didn't anybody ask for a bat or a sword 513 00:35:23,455 --> 00:35:26,583 - or Molotov cocktails? 514 00:35:35,091 --> 00:35:36,801 Wait. 515 00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:53,234 Mommy, I love you. 516 00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:56,654 Poetry book. 517 00:35:56,654 --> 00:35:59,115 Die Hard on Blu-ray. Fuck! 518 00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:15,215 Safety's on, dipshit. 519 00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:27,977 Wait. Hang on. Hang on. 520 00:36:29,354 --> 00:36:31,940 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look. 521 00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:33,358 I don't want to kill you. 522 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:41,116 Wow, a big fat guy, gray beard. 523 00:36:41,116 --> 00:36:43,201 Eh? 524 00:36:43,743 --> 00:36:45,787 Santa... 525 00:36:45,787 --> 00:36:47,831 I'm gonna rip your fucking balls off. 526 00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:03,221 Oh, shit. 527 00:38:48,034 --> 00:38:50,370 Ah, God. 528 00:38:50,370 --> 00:38:52,080 Whew. 529 00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:56,084 Whew. Whew. 530 00:38:56,084 --> 00:38:58,169 This is Candy Cane checking in. 531 00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,879 Compound is clear and secured. 532 00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:04,092 Copy. What's the status on the Kill Squad? 533 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,512 Kill Squad won't be here for two hours. 534 00:39:07,512 --> 00:39:10,390 So we're doing good. The outer seal's already been breached. 535 00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:13,017 Is there a 911 thing on here? 536 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:15,520 My... 537 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,480 Am I doing that correct? 538 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:18,815 Hello? 539 00:39:18,815 --> 00:39:20,775 Hello, can anybody hear me? 540 00:39:20,775 --> 00:39:23,361 Can you hear me, Santa? 541 00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:26,447 Hello? 542 00:39:26,447 --> 00:39:28,032 Santa? 543 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:32,954 Yeah, this is Santa. 544 00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:38,376 I hope I'm not bothering you. 545 00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:42,630 Daddy said you were very busy tonight. 546 00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:46,301 I'm... 547 00:39:46,301 --> 00:39:48,511 I'm on a break. 548 00:39:48,511 --> 00:39:50,722 Who-who am I speaking to? 549 00:39:53,141 --> 00:39:55,018 My name is Trudy Lightstone, 550 00:39:55,018 --> 00:39:58,479 and I've been very good this year. 551 00:39:58,479 --> 00:40:00,398 Trudy... 552 00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:04,736 Trudy Lightstone. 553 00:40:13,578 --> 00:40:15,788 Yeah, Trudy. 554 00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:18,166 You're on my nice list. 555 00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,710 You've been a very good girl this year. 556 00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:24,464 Where are you now, Trudy? 557 00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:28,551 I'm in a big room with all my relatives. 558 00:40:28,551 --> 00:40:31,929 There's two bad men with guns watching us. 559 00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:36,225 Oh, no. Six left. 560 00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:38,561 Are you gonna help us, Santa? 561 00:40:39,687 --> 00:40:41,689 Yeah. Of course I'm gonna help you. 562 00:40:41,689 --> 00:40:44,400 I'm gonna... I'm gonna get you out of there. 563 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,987 Take all these bad guys on my naughty list... 564 00:40:48,863 --> 00:40:51,366 I'm gonna take a lump of coal, 565 00:40:51,366 --> 00:40:55,328 each and every one of them, and shove it straight up... 566 00:40:55,328 --> 00:40:56,621 The ass. 567 00:40:59,457 --> 00:41:01,000 Well, I mean, come on, sweetie. 568 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,961 We want to keep you on the nice list, you know. 569 00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:07,882 Sorry. Can I say "butthole," then? 570 00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:10,176 I mean, it's borderline. 571 00:41:10,176 --> 00:41:11,803 How about "anus"? 572 00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:16,140 Technically, yes, uh, "anus" is the tech... 573 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:17,975 Okay, look, uh, Tru... uh, Trudy. 574 00:41:17,975 --> 00:41:20,728 I got to call for help, and the phone lines are down. 575 00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:23,398 You probably know this house better than anybody. 576 00:41:23,398 --> 00:41:25,316 You got any suggestions? 577 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:26,943 I have an idea. 578 00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:31,781 All right, you're telling me there's a goddamn Santa Claus 579 00:41:31,781 --> 00:41:33,700 running around here? 580 00:41:36,869 --> 00:41:38,913 Okay, well, he looks jolly as fuck, 581 00:41:38,913 --> 00:41:40,456 but who the hell is he? 582 00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,667 There's no Santa listed on the employee manifest. 583 00:41:42,667 --> 00:41:44,001 Yeah, there's more. 584 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:45,712 Frosty hasn't checked in. I can't reach him. 585 00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:47,672 All right, keep trying. 586 00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:51,884 All right, it's official. 587 00:41:51,884 --> 00:41:53,803 We got a gopher on the loose, and he's dangerous. 588 00:41:53,803 --> 00:41:55,221 Watch your backs. 589 00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,937 Al? Al? 590 00:42:09,152 --> 00:42:11,028 Oh, shit. 591 00:42:18,703 --> 00:42:20,371 Oh, shit! 592 00:42:20,371 --> 00:42:23,708 Frosty, what's your status? 593 00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:29,213 Frosty, sound off. 594 00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:33,092 Uh, Frosty? 595 00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:35,845 Is-is that, uh... 596 00:42:35,845 --> 00:42:37,764 is that the naughty guy I met in the basement? 597 00:42:37,764 --> 00:42:39,474 Your-your friend is dead. 598 00:42:39,474 --> 00:42:42,727 Uh, he got a star in his face, then his head caught on fire. 599 00:42:42,727 --> 00:42:44,645 It's a long story. 600 00:42:44,645 --> 00:42:47,482 Oh. 601 00:42:47,482 --> 00:42:49,650 Is this... is this our Santy? 602 00:42:49,650 --> 00:42:52,570 Is this our... our Santy Claus? 603 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:54,155 Yeah, it is. 604 00:42:54,947 --> 00:42:56,866 To whom am I speaking? 605 00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:58,868 Well, for tonight, I'm Mr. Scrooge. 606 00:42:58,868 --> 00:43:02,789 Now, what is it that you want exactly, Santa? 607 00:43:02,789 --> 00:43:05,333 I want you to put down your weapons, 608 00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:08,252 I want you to let this family go, 609 00:43:08,252 --> 00:43:10,129 and then I want to find my reindeer, 610 00:43:10,129 --> 00:43:12,632 and I want to continue delivering my presents. 611 00:43:15,384 --> 00:43:16,928 Are you fucking with me? 612 00:43:16,928 --> 00:43:19,222 All right, who the hell are you really, huh? 613 00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:21,849 Some security guard who's watched too many action flicks? 614 00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:24,310 Some loser ex-cop stuck in a mall 615 00:43:24,310 --> 00:43:26,562 playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap? 616 00:43:26,562 --> 00:43:27,980 Stop me when I get it right. 617 00:43:27,980 --> 00:43:30,274 It's a little more complicated than that. 618 00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:31,901 Not to me, it's not. 619 00:43:31,901 --> 00:43:33,903 'Cause I want to make it my personal mission, 620 00:43:33,903 --> 00:43:38,241 my holiday to-do list, to find you and to end you 621 00:43:38,241 --> 00:43:41,911 and to wipe my ass with you and this whole fucking holiday. 622 00:43:41,911 --> 00:43:44,455 That's what I want for Christmas, Santa. 623 00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:48,584 That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas. 624 00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:52,338 But maybe you and I should discuss that in person. 625 00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:56,300 Santa Claus is coming to town. 626 00:44:07,687 --> 00:44:09,146 Shit. 627 00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:20,324 All right, who did you hire 628 00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:22,994 to play Santa at your Christmas party, huh? 629 00:44:22,994 --> 00:44:25,037 - I said, who's playing Santa 630 00:44:25,037 --> 00:44:26,497 at your fucked-up Christmas party? 631 00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:29,417 I didn't hire a Santa. 632 00:44:29,417 --> 00:44:32,378 I never have a Santa. It's tacky. 633 00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:33,754 So, who is he? 634 00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:39,468 Huh? Who is he? 635 00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:41,012 Somebody better start talking, 636 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:44,098 or I'm gonna bash her brains in with this... 637 00:44:44,098 --> 00:44:48,686 Damn, Gertrude. You really got a thing for nutcrackers, huh? 638 00:44:49,854 --> 00:44:53,733 So, I'm gonna torture everyone in your family 639 00:44:53,733 --> 00:44:56,819 until you tell me who's running around your mansion 640 00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:59,572 playing Santa and fucking with my shit. 641 00:44:59,572 --> 00:45:01,574 And who should I pick first? 642 00:45:01,574 --> 00:45:02,992 Should I go by age? 643 00:45:02,992 --> 00:45:04,660 - Shh. 644 00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:06,329 Or should I go by IQ? 645 00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:09,790 Pick Jason. He's my mom's favorite. 646 00:45:09,790 --> 00:45:11,834 - Yep. Him. - The one in the sweater. 647 00:45:11,834 --> 00:45:14,211 All right. Jason Lightstone it is. 648 00:45:14,211 --> 00:45:15,463 - The number one son. - No. 649 00:45:15,463 --> 00:45:16,964 Wait, wait, wait. No, we don't need... 650 00:45:16,964 --> 00:45:18,382 We don't need to do that. No, it's okay. 651 00:45:18,382 --> 00:45:20,551 No. No, no, no. We don't need to do this. 652 00:45:20,551 --> 00:45:21,761 No. No, no, no, no. 653 00:45:21,761 --> 00:45:23,262 Don't, don't, don't. 654 00:45:23,262 --> 00:45:25,556 - No, don't... Put it... Don't... No. - 655 00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:27,767 - No, no, no, no. No, no. - Give me this fucking... 656 00:45:36,776 --> 00:45:39,487 I'm telling you, no one hired a Santa. 657 00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:41,113 All right, all right, all right. You're right. 658 00:45:41,113 --> 00:45:42,156 You're right. Let's stop it. Let's stop it. 659 00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:44,283 What are we doing here? Come on. 660 00:45:44,283 --> 00:45:47,370 What are we, amateurs? We're half-assing this. 661 00:45:47,370 --> 00:45:50,498 Come on. It's not called a finger cracker. 662 00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:53,668 Okay, Candy Cane. 663 00:45:53,668 --> 00:45:55,044 Stick one of his bozaks in there. 664 00:45:55,044 --> 00:45:56,253 I'm not touching his balls. 665 00:45:56,253 --> 00:45:57,964 What, are you a princess all of a sudden? 666 00:45:57,964 --> 00:45:59,590 I've seen you scoop out brains before. 667 00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:01,050 You want me to scoop his brains out, 668 00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:02,593 I'll scoop his brains out right now, 669 00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:03,761 but I'm not touching his junk. 670 00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:05,179 I don't care who does it. 671 00:46:05,179 --> 00:46:06,764 I better be looking at flat balls, 672 00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:08,015 like, in three seconds. 673 00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:10,601 I'll do it. 674 00:46:10,601 --> 00:46:11,894 Krampus. Perfect. 675 00:46:11,894 --> 00:46:13,270 Oh, not that guy. Not that guy. 676 00:46:13,270 --> 00:46:14,772 That's what I love about sociopaths. 677 00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:16,065 Always up for trying new things. 678 00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:17,400 You don't need to do this, okay? 679 00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,318 No, it's all right. Um... Oh, no. 680 00:46:19,318 --> 00:46:21,862 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 681 00:46:21,862 --> 00:46:24,407 Oh, God. Oh, my God. 682 00:46:25,950 --> 00:46:27,576 Put your nuts in. 683 00:46:27,576 --> 00:46:28,953 Yummy, yummy. 684 00:46:28,953 --> 00:46:31,706 Stop hurting my daddy... 685 00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:34,125 or Santa will get mad. 686 00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:37,169 Ah, what a cutie. 687 00:46:37,169 --> 00:46:39,255 So, what do we know about Santa, little one? 688 00:46:39,255 --> 00:46:41,173 She doesn't know anything about Santa. 689 00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:43,801 He wasn't asking you. 690 00:46:43,801 --> 00:46:46,220 She's playing make-believe. 691 00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:48,472 She's pretending to talk to Santa. 692 00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:50,474 It's not pretend. Santa's my friend, 693 00:46:50,474 --> 00:46:52,393 and he said he's going to save us. 694 00:46:52,393 --> 00:46:53,477 No. 695 00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,730 - And beat you up. - Oh, is he? 696 00:46:55,730 --> 00:46:58,274 I bet he'd come out of hiding if you asked him to, huh? 697 00:46:58,274 --> 00:46:59,859 What do you say you come with me 698 00:46:59,859 --> 00:47:02,111 - and we play a little game with him, huh? -No, no, no. 699 00:47:02,111 --> 00:47:03,487 Trudy, come on. Tell him the truth now. 700 00:47:03,487 --> 00:47:05,322 - You aren't talking to Santa. - Yes, I am. 701 00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,657 No, you're not. Come on, now. 702 00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:09,493 - Yes, I am. -Damn it, Trudy, Santa isn't real! 703 00:47:17,710 --> 00:47:19,503 I'm sorry, honey. 704 00:47:20,463 --> 00:47:22,673 Santa's just a thing adults tell kids 705 00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:24,884 to make them feel better, okay? 706 00:47:26,886 --> 00:47:29,013 Your mommy and I give you the presents, 707 00:47:29,013 --> 00:47:31,015 and we say they're from Santa. 708 00:47:32,183 --> 00:47:33,768 He's not coming to save us. 709 00:47:33,768 --> 00:47:35,978 He doesn't exist. 710 00:47:35,978 --> 00:47:38,397 It's all made-up. 711 00:47:39,940 --> 00:47:41,734 - Really? - Aw. 712 00:47:41,734 --> 00:47:44,570 What a way to find out that there's no Santa. 713 00:47:44,570 --> 00:47:46,614 Hey, let's come back Easter and ruin the Easter Bunny 714 00:47:46,614 --> 00:47:48,783 - for her, too, huh? 715 00:47:48,783 --> 00:47:50,201 - Trudy! - Come back here! 716 00:47:50,201 --> 00:47:51,660 - Stop her! - Trudy! -Hey! 717 00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:53,162 You idiots, stay at your posts. 718 00:47:53,162 --> 00:47:54,622 Trudy! 719 00:47:54,622 --> 00:47:56,957 I'll find this little brat. 720 00:49:03,065 --> 00:49:04,483 Okay. 721 00:49:33,095 --> 00:49:36,098 Santa. Santa. 722 00:49:36,098 --> 00:49:37,975 - Santa! 723 00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:41,478 This is Trudy. 724 00:49:42,313 --> 00:49:45,482 - Are you okay, Santa? 725 00:49:47,568 --> 00:49:48,986 Hi. Hey. 726 00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:50,821 Are you okay? 727 00:49:50,821 --> 00:49:52,656 I'm good. Uh... 728 00:49:52,656 --> 00:49:55,034 I was just wrapping something up. 729 00:49:55,034 --> 00:49:57,244 I ran away and hid in the attic. 730 00:49:57,244 --> 00:50:00,497 Okay. If you're safe... 731 00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:03,500 uh, just stay there and, uh, stay quiet, all right? 732 00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:08,339 Okay. I can set up booby traps, like in Home Alone. 733 00:50:08,339 --> 00:50:10,007 Okay, I don't know what that means, 734 00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:11,717 but, uh, yeah, do that. 735 00:50:11,717 --> 00:50:13,636 Just do it quietly. 736 00:50:15,012 --> 00:50:17,014 Are you really Santa? 737 00:50:20,851 --> 00:50:22,853 Of course I am, sweetheart. 738 00:50:23,729 --> 00:50:26,607 My daddy says there isn't any Santa. 739 00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:31,237 He says parents just tell their kids that Santa's real 740 00:50:31,237 --> 00:50:32,947 to make them feel better. 741 00:50:32,947 --> 00:50:35,824 He said they give us presents 742 00:50:35,824 --> 00:50:38,118 and say they're from Santa. 743 00:50:38,118 --> 00:50:40,246 Yeah. 744 00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:42,498 Yeah, a lot of parents say that. 745 00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:46,543 But I still bring presents to kids that need me. 746 00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:50,130 Kids who really believe. 747 00:50:51,382 --> 00:50:54,301 How do you know who really needs you? 748 00:50:54,301 --> 00:50:56,512 Christmas magic. 749 00:50:56,512 --> 00:50:58,806 I'm not really sure how it works. 750 00:51:06,605 --> 00:51:08,899 But, uh... 751 00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:14,196 I remember, um... 752 00:51:14,196 --> 00:51:16,115 when Trudy Lightstone wrote to me. 753 00:51:16,115 --> 00:51:18,534 She must have been about six years old, 754 00:51:18,534 --> 00:51:22,371 and she said that she felt lonely sometimes. 755 00:51:22,371 --> 00:51:24,790 She missed having a best friend. 756 00:51:24,790 --> 00:51:26,125 And so I brought her 757 00:51:26,125 --> 00:51:28,002 a beautiful little stuffed rabbit. 758 00:51:28,002 --> 00:51:29,378 Mr. Bunny. 759 00:51:29,378 --> 00:51:31,338 And then I remember the next year, 760 00:51:31,338 --> 00:51:33,465 and you said you had this amazing dream 761 00:51:33,465 --> 00:51:37,511 and that, afterwards, all you wanted to do was... 762 00:51:37,511 --> 00:51:38,762 To fly! 763 00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:41,181 To fly. To fly. 764 00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:46,895 I mean, Santa might have some magic, but... 765 00:51:46,895 --> 00:51:50,607 making a little girl fly? 766 00:51:52,776 --> 00:51:56,864 But giving you a kite, 767 00:51:56,864 --> 00:52:00,326 floating just beneath the clouds, 768 00:52:00,326 --> 00:52:03,162 well, it's about as good as it gets. 769 00:52:03,162 --> 00:52:05,039 I knew it. 770 00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:07,416 I knew you were real, Santa. 771 00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,130 Don't be too hard on your parents, all right? 772 00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:17,718 Grown-ups have a hard time believing things. 773 00:52:18,552 --> 00:52:20,846 Can you use your Christmas magic 774 00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:23,182 to make them love each other again? 775 00:52:23,182 --> 00:52:25,726 I wish I had that kind of power. 776 00:52:26,518 --> 00:52:30,272 Mrs. Claus and I have been going on year, uh, 777 00:52:30,272 --> 00:52:32,566 1,100, and... 778 00:52:33,442 --> 00:52:36,278 Grown-up relationships are complicated. 779 00:52:37,112 --> 00:52:39,323 It takes work. 780 00:52:39,323 --> 00:52:41,450 A lot of work. 781 00:52:43,577 --> 00:52:45,996 Do you still love her? 782 00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:47,831 Yeah, I do. 783 00:52:48,791 --> 00:52:52,336 And sometimes, even if you want to make somebody happy... 784 00:52:53,545 --> 00:52:55,839 ...the magic just goes away. 785 00:52:57,883 --> 00:53:00,219 Hey. 786 00:53:00,219 --> 00:53:02,012 I've got an idea. 787 00:53:02,012 --> 00:53:03,639 This will be fun. 788 00:53:04,681 --> 00:53:07,935 Why don't you guys open your presents? 789 00:53:07,935 --> 00:53:12,231 I want to see what you rich assholes get each other. 790 00:53:12,231 --> 00:53:18,195 And some of you might not make it till tomorrow morning, 791 00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:21,198 so this could be your only chance. 792 00:53:22,032 --> 00:53:23,492 Come on. 793 00:53:23,492 --> 00:53:26,245 Where's the Christmas spirit? 794 00:53:27,788 --> 00:53:29,873 Uh... 795 00:53:30,749 --> 00:53:35,170 Gertrude, uh, I got you something pretty special. 796 00:53:35,170 --> 00:53:36,505 Did you hear that, Gertrude? 797 00:53:36,505 --> 00:53:38,465 He got you something amazing. 798 00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:41,385 Oh, what could it be? 799 00:53:41,385 --> 00:53:43,804 Oh, my God, this is exciting. 800 00:53:43,804 --> 00:53:46,014 Mom. 801 00:53:46,014 --> 00:53:47,724 Can I call you Mom? 802 00:53:48,934 --> 00:53:50,561 Mrs. Lightstone. 803 00:53:52,396 --> 00:53:55,774 Okay, so in the business, they call this... 804 00:53:56,775 --> 00:53:58,235 ...a pitch deck. 805 00:53:59,153 --> 00:54:00,237 - Pitch deck. - Yeah. 806 00:54:00,237 --> 00:54:02,030 It's called Explosive Force. 807 00:54:02,030 --> 00:54:03,574 Starring me. 808 00:54:03,574 --> 00:54:05,325 And if you look in the back, 809 00:54:05,325 --> 00:54:08,787 there are the financial numbers. 810 00:54:08,787 --> 00:54:12,332 I'm kind of a big deal in Asia. 811 00:54:13,584 --> 00:54:15,752 Parts of Asia, at least. 812 00:54:15,752 --> 00:54:17,838 We were in parts of Asia once, and, like, 813 00:54:17,838 --> 00:54:19,590 we couldn't even go to a restaurant. 814 00:54:19,590 --> 00:54:23,093 Ah, what is there a better gift than... 815 00:54:23,093 --> 00:54:26,430 gift of a golden opportunity? 816 00:54:27,764 --> 00:54:30,017 Oh, no. 817 00:54:31,268 --> 00:54:33,729 Granny doesn't like it. 818 00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:36,356 Mother, I got you something really special. 819 00:54:42,613 --> 00:54:45,282 It's a sentimental photo of the day I was born. 820 00:54:45,282 --> 00:54:47,326 I remember. 821 00:54:47,326 --> 00:54:48,702 I was there. 822 00:54:48,702 --> 00:54:50,954 She doesn't give a shit. 823 00:54:53,415 --> 00:54:55,125 - Swing and miss again! 824 00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:56,418 This is so fun. 825 00:54:56,418 --> 00:54:57,628 Mommy, how about another one? 826 00:54:57,628 --> 00:54:59,338 I got you a lot of good things. 827 00:54:59,338 --> 00:55:01,381 - I'll grab one. - Alva, Alva, sit down. 828 00:55:01,381 --> 00:55:03,133 You've already given me one. It's... 829 00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:04,384 It's Jason's turn. 830 00:55:04,384 --> 00:55:05,802 Uh... 831 00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:09,264 I th... I-I think I left it in the car. 832 00:55:09,264 --> 00:55:11,517 No, I-I saw you put one under the tree earlier. 833 00:55:11,517 --> 00:55:13,894 - No. It's in the... - Yeah, I did. 834 00:55:13,894 --> 00:55:16,980 I could've sworn. You know what, it's, uh... 835 00:55:16,980 --> 00:55:19,066 Y-You don't... you don't... you don't... you... 836 00:55:19,066 --> 00:55:21,693 It's this one, right? Yeah, I got you, bro. 837 00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:23,153 Come on. 838 00:55:24,905 --> 00:55:26,949 Thank you. 839 00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:30,202 It's my favorite whiskey. 840 00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:32,871 You can skip the note. 841 00:55:56,228 --> 00:55:57,980 Thank you, Jason. 842 00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:05,696 What's the card say? 843 00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:08,615 I think I'll just keep that between Jason and I. 844 00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:12,744 No one really needs to know. Right, Jason? 845 00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:16,915 Right. 846 00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:20,252 Did you ever have a mommy and daddy? 847 00:56:22,045 --> 00:56:24,089 Yeah, of course I had a mommy and daddy. 848 00:56:24,089 --> 00:56:27,759 I wasn't... I wasn't always Santa Claus. 849 00:56:28,594 --> 00:56:30,887 I had a life before this. 850 00:56:31,805 --> 00:56:34,558 A long, long, long time ago. 851 00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:41,857 They used to call me, uh... 852 00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:43,775 Nicomund. 853 00:56:47,529 --> 00:56:49,156 Nicomund the Red. 854 00:56:50,741 --> 00:56:53,493 You had a different job then? 855 00:56:53,493 --> 00:56:56,246 Yeah, you could say that. 856 00:56:56,246 --> 00:56:58,123 I was a warrior. 857 00:56:58,123 --> 00:57:00,208 A raider. A thief. 858 00:57:00,208 --> 00:57:04,004 - And if somebody got in my way, 859 00:57:04,004 --> 00:57:05,756 me and Skullcrusher would... 860 00:57:05,756 --> 00:57:07,424 Who's Skullcrusher? 861 00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:11,386 Skullcrusher's my, uh... 862 00:57:11,386 --> 00:57:14,097 my hammer. 863 00:57:14,097 --> 00:57:16,350 My favorite hammer. 864 00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:18,727 I was a surgeon with that thing. 865 00:57:18,727 --> 00:57:21,188 Used to be able to take three heads, line 'em up... 866 00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:25,359 But why? 867 00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:26,818 What? 868 00:57:26,818 --> 00:57:29,446 Why'd you do those things? 869 00:57:31,406 --> 00:57:33,492 Because I was mean. 870 00:57:34,660 --> 00:57:36,787 And I was greedy. 871 00:57:38,622 --> 00:57:41,416 And I wanted gold, jewels. 872 00:57:41,416 --> 00:57:44,127 Yeah, I mean, if there was a naughty list back then, 873 00:57:44,127 --> 00:57:46,129 I'd be top dog. 874 00:57:47,714 --> 00:57:49,841 Well, maybe... 875 00:57:50,842 --> 00:57:52,052 What? 876 00:57:52,052 --> 00:57:54,179 Maybe all those bad things you used to do... 877 00:57:55,263 --> 00:57:58,558 ...maybe you can use them to do good things instead. 878 00:57:59,351 --> 00:58:01,645 To help. 879 00:58:01,645 --> 00:58:03,563 What do you mean? 880 00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:07,943 Mr. Bunny, he wasn't just a toy. 881 00:58:07,943 --> 00:58:11,363 That night, you gave me what I wished for. 882 00:58:11,363 --> 00:58:13,240 A best friend. 883 00:58:14,282 --> 00:58:16,910 'Cause you're good and kind. 884 00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:20,497 And you mean more than just the presents you bring. 885 00:58:20,497 --> 00:58:23,166 That's why I believe in you, Santa. 886 00:58:23,166 --> 00:58:25,585 That's why I believe. 887 00:58:31,174 --> 00:58:32,843 Thank you. 888 00:58:34,678 --> 00:58:38,640 You stay hidden, Trudy, till I come get you. 889 00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:40,559 Stay safe. 890 00:58:41,518 --> 00:58:44,438 All right, we got satellite confirmation. 891 00:58:44,438 --> 00:58:46,565 Extraction team's on the go. 892 00:58:46,565 --> 00:58:48,859 30 minutes. 893 00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,527 We're on schedule. 894 00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:51,945 Everything's good. 895 00:58:51,945 --> 00:58:53,530 - All right, fellas. 896 00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:54,948 Look alive, look alive. 897 00:58:54,948 --> 00:58:56,867 You all know the plan, 898 00:58:56,867 --> 00:59:00,245 and I like my operations 899 00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:03,039 hard and fast with minimal cleanup. 900 00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:07,586 Now, some idiot gets in your way, what do you do? 901 00:59:07,586 --> 00:59:09,671 Fuck their shit up right! 902 00:59:09,671 --> 00:59:11,339 Damn right. 903 00:59:12,132 --> 00:59:14,843 - Time to lube up. 904 00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:18,680 Let's go, motherfuckers! Let's go! 905 00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:26,855 This fucking family. 906 00:59:46,124 --> 00:59:48,376 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 907 00:59:48,376 --> 00:59:50,170 - Merry Christmas. 908 00:59:50,170 --> 00:59:51,421 Happy holidays. 909 00:59:51,421 --> 00:59:52,547 Traitor. 910 00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:56,009 I got him in the east wing. 911 00:59:56,009 --> 00:59:58,470 All right, we're on our way. Hold him. 912 01:00:11,775 --> 01:00:13,777 Step aside. 913 01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:30,085 Now, how did this tired, old, 914 01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,754 fat piece of shit get the drop on us? 915 01:00:32,754 --> 01:00:34,214 I don't know. 916 01:00:34,214 --> 01:00:36,216 He's not even armed. 917 01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:38,635 This bag is the only thing he had on him. 918 01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:40,053 What's in there? 919 01:00:40,804 --> 01:00:42,848 Can't see anything. 920 01:00:46,935 --> 01:00:48,395 Here, give it to me. 921 01:00:59,489 --> 01:01:01,992 What kind of moron... 922 01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:04,244 carries a chess set with him? 923 01:01:07,873 --> 01:01:09,416 What the fuck? 924 01:01:09,416 --> 01:01:11,960 Doesn't make any sense. Look at all this shit. 925 01:01:19,175 --> 01:01:22,178 So, you're gonna tell us what's the gimmick with the bag? 926 01:01:22,178 --> 01:01:23,847 It's magic. 927 01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:26,766 You put your hand in, out comes a present. 928 01:01:28,351 --> 01:01:31,104 I don't really understand how it works, either. 929 01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:35,525 So, you're Mr. Scrooge. 930 01:01:35,525 --> 01:01:37,527 That's right. 931 01:01:37,527 --> 01:01:39,321 But who are you? 932 01:01:39,321 --> 01:01:41,364 Weihnachtsmann. 933 01:01:42,741 --> 01:01:44,701 Julenissen. 934 01:01:45,577 --> 01:01:47,495 Shèngdàn Laorén. 935 01:01:48,330 --> 01:01:51,541 Babbo Natale, Père Noel, Kris Kringle. 936 01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:54,044 Jolly old Saint Nick. 937 01:01:54,044 --> 01:01:57,088 People call me a lot of things. 938 01:01:57,923 --> 01:02:00,550 Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. 939 01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:02,928 Or should I say, "Ho, ho, ho"? 940 01:02:02,928 --> 01:02:06,514 If you're Santa, where's your reindeer? 941 01:02:06,514 --> 01:02:08,350 They were on the roof 942 01:02:08,350 --> 01:02:10,977 until that guy I turned into an ice kebab just... 943 01:02:13,605 --> 01:02:15,231 You don't believe me? 944 01:02:15,231 --> 01:02:16,358 Go check. 945 01:02:16,358 --> 01:02:19,110 Prancer left a tasty log up there. 946 01:02:19,110 --> 01:02:20,946 This fucking guy. 947 01:02:20,946 --> 01:02:22,656 You don't think... 948 01:02:22,656 --> 01:02:25,825 Now, I know you're an idiot, but don't be an idiot out loud. 949 01:02:25,825 --> 01:02:27,911 Come on, he's just in Santy Claus 950 01:02:27,911 --> 01:02:29,913 with a fucking trick bag. 951 01:02:29,913 --> 01:02:31,915 Oh, no! 952 01:02:31,915 --> 01:02:33,750 That bag was full of kids' dreams! 953 01:02:33,750 --> 01:02:35,543 Oh, come on. 954 01:02:35,543 --> 01:02:37,837 Everybody knows that Christmas dreams are bullshit. 955 01:02:38,630 --> 01:02:41,257 My father used to make a big deal out of it 956 01:02:41,257 --> 01:02:43,051 every Christmas. 957 01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:45,220 Every freaking Christmas with the presents 958 01:02:45,220 --> 01:02:47,430 and the candy and the decorations 959 01:02:47,430 --> 01:02:51,226 and the Christmas caroling and all that bullshit. 960 01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:54,896 And then when I was... 961 01:02:54,896 --> 01:02:58,316 I don't know, ten, 11, 962 01:02:58,316 --> 01:03:00,276 he got laid off, and that Christmas, 963 01:03:00,276 --> 01:03:01,778 couldn't even afford a tree. 964 01:03:01,778 --> 01:03:03,321 No Christmas dinner, no gifts. 965 01:03:03,321 --> 01:03:05,949 Nothing, nada, culo, dick. 966 01:03:06,741 --> 01:03:08,118 But our neighbors... 967 01:03:08,118 --> 01:03:09,995 our neighbors, oh, they had it all. 968 01:03:09,995 --> 01:03:11,788 I could see all that yuletide cheer 969 01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:14,332 through their window mocking me. 970 01:03:14,332 --> 01:03:18,253 So Christmas Eve rolls around, and... 971 01:03:18,253 --> 01:03:21,297 I waited for everybody to go to bed. 972 01:03:21,297 --> 01:03:24,634 And then I snuck in there to take it all. 973 01:03:25,635 --> 01:03:28,179 Only problem was that the gramps got up to take a piss 974 01:03:28,179 --> 01:03:30,598 and the two of us scared the shit out of each other. 975 01:03:30,598 --> 01:03:33,643 And, um, he fell down the stairs 976 01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:38,189 and-and broke his neck, and he died in the hospital. 977 01:03:38,189 --> 01:03:39,816 Everybody thought that I did it, 978 01:03:39,816 --> 01:03:41,317 and every time I tried to tell them, 979 01:03:41,317 --> 01:03:43,820 I tried to tell them that... 980 01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:47,657 Anyway, maybe I did do it. 981 01:03:47,657 --> 01:03:49,701 Maybe I did push him. 982 01:03:49,701 --> 01:03:51,494 Poor old fucker. 983 01:03:51,494 --> 01:03:54,998 So, you see, Christmas ruined my life. 984 01:03:54,998 --> 01:03:56,666 Okay? But you know what? 985 01:03:56,666 --> 01:03:58,001 It set me on the path 986 01:03:58,001 --> 01:04:00,045 and made me the great man that I am today. 987 01:04:00,045 --> 01:04:02,088 I'm sorry, Jimmy. 988 01:04:02,881 --> 01:04:04,424 I really am. 989 01:04:05,258 --> 01:04:07,302 But I do gifts. I do Christmas cheer. 990 01:04:07,302 --> 01:04:09,512 I don't get involved in people's lives. 991 01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:13,391 Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, maybe you fucking should! 992 01:04:17,896 --> 01:04:21,066 Um, how did he know your name? 993 01:04:21,066 --> 01:04:22,776 Oh, Bjorn. 994 01:04:22,776 --> 01:04:24,903 What's your excuse? 995 01:04:24,903 --> 01:04:26,488 Huh? 996 01:04:26,488 --> 01:04:29,824 Didn't I get you that Huffy bike you wanted back in '82? 997 01:04:29,824 --> 01:04:33,036 One you wrote me 50 times about! 998 01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:34,537 What about you, Kira? 999 01:04:34,537 --> 01:04:37,707 Well, you made your brother eat worms. 1000 01:04:37,707 --> 01:04:39,209 That's naughty! 1001 01:04:39,209 --> 01:04:41,127 Okay, how does he know about my bike? 1002 01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:44,547 "Hey, do you like big tits?" 1003 01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:46,758 Come on, every kid wants a fucking bike. 1004 01:04:46,758 --> 01:04:49,886 - You're gonna tell me who you work for... -Oh, Christ. No. 1005 01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:53,181 ...then you've got five seconds to tell me who you really are. 1006 01:04:53,181 --> 01:04:56,017 Five, four, three, two... 1007 01:04:56,017 --> 01:04:57,727 I'm Santa Claus! 1008 01:04:57,727 --> 01:05:00,021 Well, not anymore. 1009 01:05:24,921 --> 01:05:26,756 Is it snowing? 1010 01:05:26,756 --> 01:05:30,176 Is he doing this with Santa magic? 1011 01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:39,060 Let it snow! 1012 01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,782 It's not snow. 1013 01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:54,117 It's Styrofoam. 1014 01:05:54,117 --> 01:05:56,369 I told you this guy's a big phony. 1015 01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:12,677 Where'd he go? 1016 01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:14,304 He went up the chimney. 1017 01:06:14,304 --> 01:06:15,972 - I saw it. - I don't know, 1018 01:06:15,972 --> 01:06:17,807 he had a rig or some pulley system 1019 01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:19,809 - that just yanked him up. - You can't fit up there. 1020 01:06:19,809 --> 01:06:21,519 - It's impossible. - Oh, you see one weird thing, 1021 01:06:21,519 --> 01:06:23,855 and then you think you're in a fairy tale? 1022 01:06:23,855 --> 01:06:25,148 Incoming. 1023 01:06:25,148 --> 01:06:26,024 We've got sleigh bells approaching. 1024 01:06:26,024 --> 01:06:27,817 Oh, my God. 1025 01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:29,694 It's his reindeer. 1026 01:06:31,321 --> 01:06:33,323 - It's the extraction team. 1027 01:06:33,323 --> 01:06:35,533 Pull yourselves together! 1028 01:06:50,465 --> 01:06:54,761 And that is the sound of my Kill Squad. 1029 01:06:56,221 --> 01:06:58,306 Oh, you're fizzity-fucked now. 1030 01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:00,516 Huh? What are you gonna do? You little elf bitch. 1031 01:07:00,516 --> 01:07:01,976 Fu... 1032 01:07:01,976 --> 01:07:03,144 Bertie. 1033 01:07:03,144 --> 01:07:04,687 Hashtag "blessed." 1034 01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,360 Yeah! 1035 01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:11,361 Parkour. 1036 01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:12,528 Kill him, babe! 1037 01:07:12,528 --> 01:07:15,198 -Oh! 1038 01:07:16,074 --> 01:07:17,700 Morgan's gonna save us. 1039 01:07:19,452 --> 01:07:23,206 Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie. 1040 01:07:30,213 --> 01:07:32,215 Hold your fire. 1041 01:07:32,215 --> 01:07:33,841 Barrel roll! 1042 01:07:35,551 --> 01:07:36,844 Easy, easy. 1043 01:07:36,844 --> 01:07:38,763 -Yeah! - Easy. 1044 01:07:38,763 --> 01:07:40,056 Identify yourself. 1045 01:07:40,056 --> 01:07:42,433 I'm one of the hostages. 1046 01:07:42,433 --> 01:07:45,561 Morgan Steel, the actor. 1047 01:07:45,561 --> 01:07:48,564 Played a lot of soldiers in my career. 1048 01:07:48,564 --> 01:07:52,151 Can I just say, thank you for your service. Semper fi. 1049 01:07:52,986 --> 01:07:54,904 What's the situation inside? 1050 01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:57,323 Bunch of ex-military guys, 1051 01:07:57,323 --> 01:07:59,325 but I got to warn you, they know you're coming. 1052 01:07:59,325 --> 01:08:00,994 I think they're ready for you. 1053 01:08:00,994 --> 01:08:02,829 They better be. 1054 01:08:02,829 --> 01:08:04,914 We're on a tight schedule. 1055 01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:06,749 Shit. 1056 01:08:10,086 --> 01:08:12,213 Oh, f... 1057 01:08:12,213 --> 01:08:15,508 - All right, let's move out. - Let's move out. 1058 01:08:19,679 --> 01:08:21,306 Come on. 1059 01:08:21,306 --> 01:08:23,516 You got to be kidding me. 1060 01:08:23,516 --> 01:08:25,226 Hey, Thorp, you're ten minutes late. 1061 01:08:25,226 --> 01:08:26,602 What kept you? 1062 01:08:26,602 --> 01:08:28,938 Looks to me like your net's got a hole in it. 1063 01:08:28,938 --> 01:08:31,399 Or are you just letting your hostages out for some exercise? 1064 01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:33,651 No, no, no. We got a wild gopher running around 1065 01:08:33,651 --> 01:08:36,237 complicating shit and causing problems. 1066 01:08:36,237 --> 01:08:37,822 Who? Lightstone security? 1067 01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:39,407 Nah, I don't think so. Some intruder dressed as Santa. 1068 01:08:39,407 --> 01:08:40,825 But I'm telling you, I'm telling you, 1069 01:08:40,825 --> 01:08:43,036 there's something weird about him. 1070 01:08:43,036 --> 01:08:44,662 Might be the real Santa. 1071 01:08:44,662 --> 01:08:47,123 - The fuck did she just say? - Nothing, nothing. 1072 01:08:47,123 --> 01:08:48,207 She's joking. 1073 01:08:48,207 --> 01:08:50,710 My squad will take care of it. 1074 01:08:53,087 --> 01:08:55,798 Beta Team, go find this asshole. 1075 01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:57,800 Go. 1076 01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:02,138 Now, let's unwrap our present, shall we? 1077 01:09:02,138 --> 01:09:04,390 All right, you heard the man. 1078 01:09:04,390 --> 01:09:07,018 Time to kill Santa. 1079 01:09:07,018 --> 01:09:09,479 I've got him. He's on the roof. 1080 01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:11,773 Roger that. I got eyes on him. 1081 01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,167 Right, Sugarplum. Hit that button. 1082 01:09:38,132 --> 01:09:40,009 Here we go. 1083 01:09:40,009 --> 01:09:41,386 Our skeleton key. 1084 01:09:41,386 --> 01:09:43,262 The "open" magic stick. 1085 01:09:43,262 --> 01:09:44,972 This better fucking work. 1086 01:09:44,972 --> 01:09:47,642 I'm flushing my career for this, my reputation. 1087 01:09:47,642 --> 01:09:50,436 Yeah, well, then you can buy yourself a new rep. 1088 01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:00,863 As a kid, I loved 1089 01:10:00,863 --> 01:10:02,907 unwrapping Christmas presents so much 1090 01:10:02,907 --> 01:10:05,868 that my mom would wrap empty boxes for me. 1091 01:10:06,786 --> 01:10:09,205 I didn't care that nothing was inside. 1092 01:10:21,175 --> 01:10:23,761 Is this a fucking joke? 1093 01:10:23,761 --> 01:10:24,971 No. 1094 01:10:26,347 --> 01:10:28,266 You said it would fucking be here! 1095 01:10:28,266 --> 01:10:31,894 I'm telling you, my intel was rock solid. 1096 01:10:31,894 --> 01:10:34,188 I had guys on the inside. 1097 01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:38,943 300 million in cash was delivered here yesterday 1098 01:10:38,943 --> 01:10:41,237 to this fucking mansion. 1099 01:10:46,242 --> 01:10:48,911 Somebody must've intercepted it. 1100 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:54,959 Son of a bitch. 1101 01:11:17,356 --> 01:11:18,900 Oh, shit. 1102 01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:21,444 Santa, you okay? 1103 01:11:21,444 --> 01:11:23,029 Santa. 1104 01:11:23,029 --> 01:11:25,323 A bunch of new bad guys showed up. 1105 01:11:25,323 --> 01:11:27,116 They're on the naughty list. 1106 01:11:27,116 --> 01:11:30,119 They got their gadgets and their gizmos on them. 1107 01:11:30,953 --> 01:11:33,539 I'm sorry. I think this is it, kid. 1108 01:11:33,539 --> 01:11:35,333 No, no, don't say that. 1109 01:11:35,333 --> 01:11:37,335 The naughty list... 1110 01:11:37,335 --> 01:11:39,754 just grows and grows. 1111 01:11:48,471 --> 01:11:52,308 He's in that structure. Body cams on. 1112 01:11:52,308 --> 01:11:54,393 Don't give up. 1113 01:11:54,393 --> 01:11:56,979 You make a wish this time, Santa. 1114 01:11:56,979 --> 01:11:58,606 Just this once. 1115 01:11:58,606 --> 01:12:01,526 If you could have anything in this world, 1116 01:12:01,526 --> 01:12:03,778 what would it be? 1117 01:12:09,492 --> 01:12:12,537 I wish I could see Mrs. Claus again, 1118 01:12:12,537 --> 01:12:15,665 tell her how much I love her. 1119 01:12:15,665 --> 01:12:18,501 Then you make that wish come true. 1120 01:12:18,501 --> 01:12:20,670 - Oh, shit. 1121 01:12:20,670 --> 01:12:23,005 No, no, no, no. No, no. 1122 01:12:24,757 --> 01:12:26,175 Oh, God. 1123 01:12:26,175 --> 01:12:29,011 No. 1124 01:12:41,399 --> 01:12:44,402 You said these guys, they're naughty. 1125 01:12:44,402 --> 01:12:47,363 And what do you do to the naughty ones? 1126 01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:49,240 I give them a lump of coal. 1127 01:12:49,240 --> 01:12:51,492 Yeah. Give them their lumps. 1128 01:12:52,702 --> 01:12:54,996 Take that coal and shove it straight up their... 1129 01:12:54,996 --> 01:12:57,248 - Anuses. - Yeah! 1130 01:13:03,212 --> 01:13:04,880 They're right outside. 1131 01:13:19,061 --> 01:13:21,564 Santa's gonna eat through these guys 1132 01:13:21,564 --> 01:13:23,691 like a plate full of cookies. 1133 01:13:28,237 --> 01:13:29,614 Move, move. 1134 01:13:33,284 --> 01:13:35,077 Hey, lock it up. 1135 01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:38,831 Lights down. 1136 01:13:39,999 --> 01:13:41,917 Stay at my back. 1137 01:13:41,917 --> 01:13:44,045 All right, we got this, boys. 1138 01:14:02,897 --> 01:14:05,274 All right, where the fuck is my money?! 1139 01:14:05,274 --> 01:14:07,652 Where's the money?! 1140 01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:21,207 All right, I've been a sweetheart up to now. 1141 01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:22,667 But that's all over. 1142 01:14:22,667 --> 01:14:24,460 No more fucking games! 1143 01:14:24,460 --> 01:14:25,961 Where's the money? 1144 01:14:25,961 --> 01:14:29,006 Or I will shoot every last one of you and enjoy it. 1145 01:14:33,135 --> 01:14:35,888 - It's in the vault. - I just looked in the vault. 1146 01:14:35,888 --> 01:14:37,306 Had the money been in there, 1147 01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:39,141 I'd have a different expression on my face. 1148 01:14:39,141 --> 01:14:40,518 Impossible. 1149 01:14:40,518 --> 01:14:42,603 Takes days to get into that thing. 1150 01:14:42,603 --> 01:14:46,107 Not if we have the key, Mrs. Lightstone. 1151 01:14:47,483 --> 01:14:49,527 Thorp. 1152 01:14:50,903 --> 01:14:53,489 You can't trust anyone these days. 1153 01:14:53,489 --> 01:14:55,658 I'm not sure how, but you 1154 01:14:55,658 --> 01:14:58,536 or one of your shithead kids moved the money. 1155 01:14:58,536 --> 01:15:00,413 And this upsets me. 1156 01:15:00,413 --> 01:15:02,248 It upsets me 1157 01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:06,252 in a way that makes me want to just randomly shoot at people. 1158 01:15:07,253 --> 01:15:09,463 Hold on. Just... Sorry. 1159 01:15:09,463 --> 01:15:10,881 - Um... - What? What? 1160 01:15:10,881 --> 01:15:12,258 Uh, what if you randomly shoot 1161 01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:14,844 the only person who knows where it is? 1162 01:15:15,845 --> 01:15:18,180 Oh, fuck you people! 1163 01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:54,425 Suck on this. 1164 01:16:19,408 --> 01:16:20,910 I need some feedback, guys. 1165 01:16:22,495 --> 01:16:24,455 Guys, what the hell is going on? 1166 01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:10,876 - What's that? - Huh? 1167 01:17:49,874 --> 01:17:52,001 Jesus Christ. 1168 01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:55,170 Nope. Just jolly old Saint Nick. 1169 01:18:07,725 --> 01:18:10,477 -Oh, God! - There you go. 1170 01:18:10,477 --> 01:18:12,187 A little stocking stuffer. 1171 01:18:12,980 --> 01:18:16,567 Where is it? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1172 01:18:16,567 --> 01:18:19,028 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1173 01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:21,739 - I got to watch. - Fuck! 1174 01:18:22,865 --> 01:18:25,075 Ho-Ho-Holy shit. 1175 01:18:27,369 --> 01:18:30,080 Gertrude would never trust anybody 1176 01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:32,541 who wasn't blood with this kind of info. 1177 01:18:32,541 --> 01:18:34,251 So... 1178 01:18:34,251 --> 01:18:37,880 the in-laws wouldn't know shit, 1179 01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:40,424 which means that I can shoot her... 1180 01:18:41,967 --> 01:18:43,969 ...unless you tell me where the fucking money is. 1181 01:18:43,969 --> 01:18:46,221 Please don't, okay? It's Christmas. 1182 01:18:46,221 --> 01:18:48,057 Shut up! 1183 01:18:48,933 --> 01:18:50,351 I swear, I'll blow her brains out 1184 01:18:50,351 --> 01:18:51,769 unless you tell me where the money went. 1185 01:18:51,769 --> 01:18:53,979 I did it! 1186 01:18:53,979 --> 01:18:56,398 - What? - Okay. Yeah, I did it. 1187 01:18:56,398 --> 01:18:58,317 - I moved the money. - No, d-don't-don't be an idiot. 1188 01:18:58,317 --> 01:19:00,069 - What? - The money's our only leverage. 1189 01:19:00,069 --> 01:19:01,654 Well, my wife has a fucking gun to her head, so... 1190 01:19:01,654 --> 01:19:03,739 Yeah, how did you find out that we were coming, huh? 1191 01:19:03,739 --> 01:19:05,407 I didn't. I was stealing it. 1192 01:19:06,575 --> 01:19:08,035 - Yeah, coincidence. - Oh, my God. 1193 01:19:08,035 --> 01:19:09,411 I was planning to take the money 1194 01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:12,581 and leave with my wife and daughter tonight 1195 01:19:12,581 --> 01:19:14,583 and never come back here. 1196 01:19:14,583 --> 01:19:17,962 Oh, and then my mom would, uh, 1197 01:19:17,962 --> 01:19:19,964 read the note with her whiskey in the morning 1198 01:19:19,964 --> 01:19:21,757 and know what I had done. 1199 01:19:21,757 --> 01:19:24,051 For years, I have been telling you 1200 01:19:24,051 --> 01:19:26,428 to stop caring about your mother's fucking money! 1201 01:19:26,428 --> 01:19:29,682 And you think the solution was to steal a bunch of it. 1202 01:19:30,474 --> 01:19:32,685 Well, it... yeah, it does sound stupid 1203 01:19:32,685 --> 01:19:34,186 when you say it like that. 1204 01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:36,188 How can you do this right now? 1205 01:19:36,188 --> 01:19:38,273 It's disgusting. After all that Mother has given us? 1206 01:19:38,273 --> 01:19:40,484 Come on, Alva. Everything she ever gave you, 1207 01:19:40,484 --> 01:19:41,777 she made damn sure we knew 1208 01:19:41,777 --> 01:19:43,028 she had the power to take right back. 1209 01:19:43,028 --> 01:19:46,907 I have spent years groveling to you. 1210 01:19:46,907 --> 01:19:49,702 In the meanwhile, I was destroying 1211 01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:51,745 the only good thing in my life. 1212 01:19:51,745 --> 01:19:53,122 What are we doing here, huh? 1213 01:19:53,122 --> 01:19:55,749 Family therapy or doing a heist? 1214 01:19:55,749 --> 01:19:59,003 - Yeah, enough of this sharing bullshit. - 1215 01:19:59,003 --> 01:20:00,963 All right. Where'd you put it? 1216 01:20:07,136 --> 01:20:09,805 Look at this little idiot. 1217 01:20:13,517 --> 01:20:14,893 Oh, no. 1218 01:20:14,893 --> 01:20:16,729 What? 1219 01:20:16,729 --> 01:20:18,647 - The bad guys found me. - Okay. 1220 01:20:18,647 --> 01:20:20,482 I'm coming. 1221 01:20:27,072 --> 01:20:30,993 You know, booby traps don't work unless you hide them. 1222 01:20:33,662 --> 01:20:35,164 You little moron. 1223 01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:40,544 - Jesus! Shit! 1224 01:20:44,423 --> 01:20:46,592 Help me! Help me! Help! 1225 01:20:48,010 --> 01:20:50,137 You'll be f... You'll be fine. 1226 01:20:50,137 --> 01:20:52,306 Sit tight. I'll be back in a sec. 1227 01:20:55,184 --> 01:20:57,519 Right after I kill this little piece of shit! 1228 01:21:00,272 --> 01:21:02,691 You little fucking brat. 1229 01:21:51,115 --> 01:21:52,908 You're dead! 1230 01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:55,410 You're so fucking dead! 1231 01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:05,045 Fucking piece of shit. 1232 01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:12,928 You little... 1233 01:22:30,195 --> 01:22:32,239 - Incoming! 1234 01:22:50,966 --> 01:22:52,801 Son of a fucking... 1235 01:23:02,853 --> 01:23:04,813 Fuck. 1236 01:23:04,813 --> 01:23:06,607 I got you now, kid. 1237 01:23:06,607 --> 01:23:08,275 Yeah? Heads up. 1238 01:23:10,402 --> 01:23:12,029 That's all you got? You fucking... 1239 01:23:14,865 --> 01:23:17,409 Enough of this shit. 1240 01:23:42,976 --> 01:23:44,186 Santa! 1241 01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:56,365 Hi, Trudy. Hi. 1242 01:23:56,365 --> 01:23:59,201 I made booby traps like in the movie. It was so funny. 1243 01:23:59,201 --> 01:24:01,828 Ho, ho, ho. 1244 01:24:07,709 --> 01:24:11,630 Trudy, I want you to, uh... just do me a favor. 1245 01:24:12,464 --> 01:24:15,384 Just turn around and close your eyes. 1246 01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:18,220 Maybe put your fingers in your ears and, uh, 1247 01:24:18,220 --> 01:24:21,265 sing "Jingle Bells" as loud as you can. 1248 01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:30,774 You were about to murder an innocent child. 1249 01:24:32,109 --> 01:24:33,735 Innocent? 1250 01:24:33,735 --> 01:24:35,737 - It's naughty. 1251 01:24:35,737 --> 01:24:37,197 Naughty. 1252 01:24:37,948 --> 01:24:39,408 - Naughty! 1253 01:24:39,408 --> 01:24:41,118 It's part of the Lightstone legacy. 1254 01:24:41,118 --> 01:24:42,744 We're horrible people. 1255 01:24:42,744 --> 01:24:44,621 So I get why you did what you did. 1256 01:24:44,621 --> 01:24:46,707 When your grandfather told me I'd never run the company 1257 01:24:46,707 --> 01:24:49,126 because a girl doesn't have what it takes, 1258 01:24:49,126 --> 01:24:51,128 I had to snatch the reins away from him. 1259 01:24:51,128 --> 01:24:52,587 But the point is, 1260 01:24:52,587 --> 01:24:54,339 a Lightstone takes what's theirs. 1261 01:24:54,339 --> 01:24:56,008 I'm proud of you, son. 1262 01:24:56,008 --> 01:24:57,467 All right, where the hell is it? 1263 01:24:59,803 --> 01:25:01,722 The money's hidden inside. 1264 01:25:02,889 --> 01:25:06,018 And the Three Wise Men presented him with gifts 1265 01:25:06,018 --> 01:25:08,854 of frankincense, myrrh... 1266 01:25:10,981 --> 01:25:14,067 ...and cold hard cash. 1267 01:25:14,067 --> 01:25:15,527 Load it up, boys. 1268 01:25:15,527 --> 01:25:17,779 All right, we're securing the money. 1269 01:25:17,779 --> 01:25:19,865 Kill the hostages and meet us outside. 1270 01:25:19,865 --> 01:25:21,658 What? 1271 01:25:21,658 --> 01:25:23,660 No. 1272 01:25:25,454 --> 01:25:26,913 Mom. 1273 01:25:26,913 --> 01:25:28,290 It's fine, Bert. 1274 01:25:28,290 --> 01:25:29,791 Everything's fine. 1275 01:25:29,791 --> 01:25:31,877 Okay. 1276 01:25:31,877 --> 01:25:33,795 Everybody, get up. 1277 01:25:33,795 --> 01:25:38,300 It's time for a murder. 1278 01:25:38,300 --> 01:25:40,886 Come on. Come on. You don't want to kill us. 1279 01:25:40,886 --> 01:25:42,220 You really don't. 1280 01:25:42,220 --> 01:25:44,389 Oh, yes, I do. 1281 01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:47,476 I really, really, really do. 1282 01:25:47,476 --> 01:25:49,186 And I'm gonna start with you. 1283 01:25:49,186 --> 01:25:50,520 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1284 01:25:50,520 --> 01:25:51,813 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1285 01:25:53,523 --> 01:25:55,233 You got to kill Aunt Linda first. 1286 01:25:55,233 --> 01:25:56,985 What the hell, Bert? 1287 01:25:56,985 --> 01:25:59,071 You want to squeeze in being a little shit 1288 01:25:59,071 --> 01:26:00,614 before you die, Bertrude? 1289 01:26:00,614 --> 01:26:02,240 - I say shoot him first. - What? 1290 01:26:02,240 --> 01:26:04,326 Wait. No, no, no. Don't shoot him. 1291 01:26:04,326 --> 01:26:06,370 Don't shoot him first. And don't you call him 1292 01:26:06,370 --> 01:26:08,080 a little shit, you gold-digging bitch. 1293 01:26:08,080 --> 01:26:09,790 Okay. I changed my mind. 1294 01:26:09,790 --> 01:26:11,750 - Shoot the alcoholic bitch first. -Don't call my mom 1295 01:26:11,750 --> 01:26:13,835 - an alcoholic bitch. - Your mom's an alcoholic. 1296 01:26:13,835 --> 01:26:15,670 - I'm sorry. - You're a gold-digging bitch. 1297 01:26:15,670 --> 01:26:17,839 Oh, I'm a gold-digger, when I have a whole-ass career? 1298 01:26:17,839 --> 01:26:19,508 You're not even part of the fucking family. 1299 01:26:19,508 --> 01:26:22,260 - She's an engineer. - You know goddamn well... 1300 01:26:22,260 --> 01:26:23,637 Shut up! 1301 01:26:27,349 --> 01:26:31,436 Just like rats in a barrel. 1302 01:26:32,229 --> 01:26:34,398 Why don't you die with some dignity? 1303 01:26:39,444 --> 01:26:41,363 Get off of me! 1304 01:26:41,363 --> 01:26:43,115 Okay, okay. 1305 01:26:43,115 --> 01:26:44,366 Fuck you! 1306 01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:46,952 This is for yelling at my child! 1307 01:26:46,952 --> 01:26:48,370 Creep! 1308 01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:49,913 That's for slapping me, motherfucker! 1309 01:26:49,913 --> 01:26:51,998 This is for your dumb fucking hat! 1310 01:27:01,633 --> 01:27:03,301 Is he... 1311 01:27:03,301 --> 01:27:04,845 Is he dead? 1312 01:27:08,723 --> 01:27:10,600 Yeah. 1313 01:27:11,393 --> 01:27:13,019 Thanks, Linda. 1314 01:27:13,019 --> 01:27:16,231 Well, it's nice to do something as a family for a change. 1315 01:27:17,399 --> 01:27:19,109 --Oh, shit! 1316 01:27:19,109 --> 01:27:20,986 I'm gonna... 1317 01:27:25,073 --> 01:27:26,616 That was for Morgan. 1318 01:27:26,616 --> 01:27:31,621 He may have been stupid, but he was very, very hot. 1319 01:27:32,998 --> 01:27:35,375 Oh. Trudy! 1320 01:27:35,375 --> 01:27:37,794 - Mommy! 1321 01:27:37,794 --> 01:27:39,421 Thank God, baby. 1322 01:27:39,421 --> 01:27:41,339 Are you okay? 1323 01:27:41,339 --> 01:27:43,091 I'm okay, Mommy. 1324 01:27:43,091 --> 01:27:44,259 Okay. 1325 01:27:44,259 --> 01:27:46,761 This is my friend, Santa. 1326 01:27:51,183 --> 01:27:53,268 What the fuck? 1327 01:27:53,268 --> 01:27:55,103 I can't thank you enough, Mister... 1328 01:27:55,103 --> 01:27:57,439 Claus. But please call me Santa. 1329 01:27:57,439 --> 01:27:58,815 Mm-hmm. 1330 01:27:58,815 --> 01:28:00,942 You guys should get out of here. 1331 01:28:00,942 --> 01:28:02,402 It's dangerous. 1332 01:28:02,402 --> 01:28:04,738 They took my husband and her grandmother. 1333 01:28:06,573 --> 01:28:08,200 Anybody know how to work these gizmos? 1334 01:28:08,200 --> 01:28:09,534 I think so. 1335 01:28:09,534 --> 01:28:11,286 I used to hunt with my dad. 1336 01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:12,454 Ow. 1337 01:28:12,454 --> 01:28:14,122 Copy that. How's that looking? 1338 01:28:14,122 --> 01:28:16,958 - Yeah, I got it on lockdown. - Heads on a swivel, boys. 1339 01:28:18,293 --> 01:28:19,920 - Incoming! - Heads up! 1340 01:28:21,129 --> 01:28:22,631 - Oh, oh! Who's shooting? 1341 01:28:22,631 --> 01:28:24,299 - Who's... 1342 01:28:24,299 --> 01:28:27,469 - Cap, get down! - Watch it! Watch it! 1343 01:28:32,557 --> 01:28:34,935 Gun 'em down. Mow them all down. 1344 01:28:50,784 --> 01:28:53,620 - All right, let's get the fuck out of here. -Let's go. 1345 01:28:53,620 --> 01:28:56,122 - Go where? - Come on, move, you old bat. 1346 01:28:56,873 --> 01:28:58,833 Get your fucking hands off of me. 1347 01:29:08,969 --> 01:29:11,304 Oh! Oh, shit. 1348 01:29:11,304 --> 01:29:14,683 My balls! My fucking balls! 1349 01:29:31,324 --> 01:29:34,160 Ow, my balls! Why did you shoot me in the ball... 1350 01:29:37,998 --> 01:29:40,375 Oh, Jesus. 1351 01:29:40,375 --> 01:29:42,043 Sorry. 1352 01:29:43,878 --> 01:29:46,548 Don't worry about us, Mr. Claus. We got this. 1353 01:29:46,548 --> 01:29:48,800 Who is that guy? 1354 01:29:48,800 --> 01:29:51,428 He said he was Mr. Claus. 1355 01:29:53,221 --> 01:29:55,265 - Fuck. Trudy. - No, no. 1356 01:29:55,265 --> 01:29:56,891 She's in the house. She's okay. 1357 01:29:56,891 --> 01:29:58,268 She's safe. 1358 01:29:58,268 --> 01:30:00,395 - Oh, thank God. - Yeah. 1359 01:30:21,124 --> 01:30:22,584 No, no. 1360 01:30:22,584 --> 01:30:25,253 - Oh... go, go, go, go, go. - No, no, no. Wait, wait. 1361 01:31:11,091 --> 01:31:13,510 Oh, shit! 1362 01:31:15,762 --> 01:31:18,556 - Ho, ho! 1363 01:31:20,266 --> 01:31:21,476 Fuck! 1364 01:32:05,061 --> 01:32:07,731 - Fucking die. 1365 01:33:00,909 --> 01:33:02,786 Come on. Come on. Come on. 1366 01:33:02,786 --> 01:33:06,080 Yeah, over here. Over here. 1367 01:33:06,080 --> 01:33:07,332 Santa! 1368 01:33:08,291 --> 01:33:10,126 Come on! 1369 01:33:10,126 --> 01:33:11,586 Yeah. 1370 01:33:55,380 --> 01:33:56,631 Fuck. 1371 01:34:20,321 --> 01:34:22,365 You're real? 1372 01:34:23,741 --> 01:34:26,160 You're... him. 1373 01:34:29,163 --> 01:34:30,415 You're you. 1374 01:34:30,415 --> 01:34:33,126 That's what I've been trying to tell you. 1375 01:34:33,126 --> 01:34:36,504 The real goddamn Santa Claus. 1376 01:34:36,504 --> 01:34:38,965 This is not your night, pal. 1377 01:34:38,965 --> 01:34:42,093 Oh, I don't know. I think you're wrong. 1378 01:34:42,093 --> 01:34:45,513 I think my whole shitty life's built up to this moment. 1379 01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:46,890 Because when I kill you, 1380 01:34:46,890 --> 01:34:50,184 this whole goddamn holiday finally ends. 1381 01:34:51,936 --> 01:34:53,855 Whatever it takes... 1382 01:34:55,607 --> 01:34:57,692 ...Christmas dies tonight. 1383 01:35:49,911 --> 01:35:51,579 Whoa! 1384 01:37:16,831 --> 01:37:19,417 The last Christmas. 1385 01:37:29,260 --> 01:37:31,888 Not if you still believe. 1386 01:37:33,681 --> 01:37:35,683 No! 1387 01:38:03,711 --> 01:38:07,381 I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. 1388 01:38:09,759 --> 01:38:11,886 But this ends now. 1389 01:38:16,808 --> 01:38:18,601 Damn right it does. 1390 01:38:27,777 --> 01:38:29,946 Trudy, be careful. 1391 01:38:33,658 --> 01:38:35,576 Santa! 1392 01:38:35,576 --> 01:38:38,079 Oh, no. Santa. 1393 01:38:39,539 --> 01:38:41,082 Oh, no. 1394 01:38:47,880 --> 01:38:50,049 You saved my daughter. 1395 01:38:50,842 --> 01:38:52,385 No. 1396 01:38:53,177 --> 01:38:54,762 She saved me. 1397 01:38:54,762 --> 01:38:57,515 Help him. Please help him. 1398 01:38:57,515 --> 01:39:00,017 Honey, I don't think there's anything we can do. 1399 01:39:00,017 --> 01:39:01,269 It's okay. It's okay. 1400 01:39:01,269 --> 01:39:03,604 It's too late for that. 1401 01:39:03,604 --> 01:39:05,940 Too late. 1402 01:39:06,732 --> 01:39:09,402 I'm cold. 1403 01:39:09,402 --> 01:39:11,654 I haven't felt cold in years. 1404 01:39:11,654 --> 01:39:13,698 We need to keep him warm. 1405 01:39:14,532 --> 01:39:16,951 All of the fires are going out. 1406 01:39:16,951 --> 01:39:19,245 We need to find something to burn. 1407 01:39:20,580 --> 01:39:22,123 I got an idea. 1408 01:39:25,042 --> 01:39:27,003 Whoa. 1409 01:39:28,546 --> 01:39:29,964 No. 1410 01:39:29,964 --> 01:39:32,133 No, no, no, no. No, Jason, no. 1411 01:39:32,133 --> 01:39:33,259 Please, Santa. 1412 01:39:33,259 --> 01:39:36,262 I don't want you to die. 1413 01:39:39,348 --> 01:39:41,058 Jason, let's slow this down. 1414 01:39:41,058 --> 01:39:42,560 What are you doing? 1415 01:39:42,560 --> 01:39:45,855 I've lived longer than any man should ever live. 1416 01:39:45,855 --> 01:39:48,566 He's pretty much dead. What the hell is happening? 1417 01:39:48,566 --> 01:39:50,651 - You don't need to burn money. - Okay. More. Yeah. 1418 01:39:50,651 --> 01:39:54,113 You can't die, Santa. You have to get up. 1419 01:39:54,113 --> 01:39:56,657 I think I used up all my Christmas magic. 1420 01:39:57,658 --> 01:39:59,285 Sorry. 1421 01:40:01,329 --> 01:40:05,082 I'm s... I'm sorry I can't give you what you asked for. 1422 01:40:06,667 --> 01:40:08,961 Take that. Take that. 1423 01:40:08,961 --> 01:40:10,504 But you did. 1424 01:40:13,257 --> 01:40:15,593 Santa, please don't die. 1425 01:40:15,593 --> 01:40:18,137 Wake up. Wake up. 1426 01:40:18,137 --> 01:40:20,806 We need to get him close to the fire. 1427 01:40:20,806 --> 01:40:22,683 Jason. 1428 01:40:23,434 --> 01:40:25,394 Just wake up. 1429 01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:27,813 Please. 1430 01:40:27,813 --> 01:40:29,690 No. 1431 01:40:34,028 --> 01:40:37,281 Oh, I am so, so sorry. 1432 01:40:42,203 --> 01:40:44,914 - This man... 1433 01:40:45,748 --> 01:40:49,585 This brave, brave man, whoever he was... 1434 01:40:49,585 --> 01:40:50,878 He's Santa. 1435 01:40:50,878 --> 01:40:53,130 The real Santa. He is. 1436 01:40:53,130 --> 01:40:56,217 And I still believe in him. 1437 01:40:57,051 --> 01:40:59,720 I'll always believe in you, Santa. 1438 01:41:04,350 --> 01:41:06,310 I believe in him, too. 1439 01:41:09,313 --> 01:41:12,149 He saved Trudy. 1440 01:41:12,149 --> 01:41:14,402 He saved our family. 1441 01:41:16,362 --> 01:41:18,698 What's realer than that? 1442 01:41:22,660 --> 01:41:24,453 Then maybe... 1443 01:41:26,956 --> 01:41:29,083 I believe in him, too. 1444 01:41:29,917 --> 01:41:31,460 So do I. 1445 01:41:32,503 --> 01:41:35,840 Oh, shit. 1446 01:41:35,840 --> 01:41:37,967 I guess... 1447 01:41:37,967 --> 01:41:40,052 I guess I do, too. 1448 01:41:40,052 --> 01:41:41,887 Fuck me. 1449 01:41:41,887 --> 01:41:43,681 I believe, too. 1450 01:41:54,108 --> 01:41:55,651 Oh, my God. 1451 01:41:55,651 --> 01:41:56,819 Santa! 1452 01:42:01,824 --> 01:42:03,367 You... 1453 01:42:05,119 --> 01:42:07,163 You were dead. 1454 01:42:07,955 --> 01:42:10,541 Christmas magic. 1455 01:42:10,541 --> 01:42:13,169 I still don't really understand... 1456 01:42:13,169 --> 01:42:15,129 how it works. 1457 01:42:20,760 --> 01:42:22,678 Thank you. 1458 01:42:22,678 --> 01:42:24,722 I don't know how we can ever repay you. 1459 01:42:24,722 --> 01:42:26,891 Well, you brought me back from the dead, 1460 01:42:26,891 --> 01:42:28,476 so we'll call it even. 1461 01:42:29,643 --> 01:42:30,853 Even? 1462 01:42:30,853 --> 01:42:33,522 We just burned half a million dollars. 1463 01:42:34,357 --> 01:42:35,983 - Look, Santa! - Hmm? 1464 01:42:35,983 --> 01:42:37,360 Look who came. 1465 01:42:44,533 --> 01:42:48,079 Now you show up, huh? 1466 01:42:48,079 --> 01:42:49,538 You leave me here to die, 1467 01:42:49,538 --> 01:42:51,791 come back after all the work's done, huh? 1468 01:42:51,791 --> 01:42:54,543 You know what? I should make you guys into a stew 1469 01:42:54,543 --> 01:42:56,796 and feed you to the elves! 1470 01:42:58,756 --> 01:43:03,511 Yes, Blitzen! Yes, I'm talking to you! 1471 01:43:03,511 --> 01:43:05,638 You, too, Prancer. 1472 01:43:11,018 --> 01:43:13,062 You got my sack. 1473 01:43:13,062 --> 01:43:17,358 My spare... You went home and you got my spare sack? 1474 01:43:19,235 --> 01:43:21,987 Oh, God, I can't stay mad at you guys. 1475 01:43:21,987 --> 01:43:23,572 I... 1476 01:43:23,572 --> 01:43:27,952 Aw. I can't. I can't. 1477 01:43:27,952 --> 01:43:30,704 Aw. 1478 01:43:31,747 --> 01:43:33,874 Aw. 1479 01:43:44,760 --> 01:43:46,303 Hello, beautiful. 1480 01:43:46,303 --> 01:43:48,222 Skullcrusher! 1481 01:44:01,235 --> 01:44:02,903 Guess this is goodbye. 1482 01:44:02,903 --> 01:44:04,363 I got to go. 1483 01:44:05,239 --> 01:44:07,366 Do you have to? 1484 01:44:10,661 --> 01:44:12,830 It's Christmas Eve, and there's a lot of... 1485 01:44:12,830 --> 01:44:14,540 boys and girls on the nice list 1486 01:44:14,540 --> 01:44:16,959 that want their presents, you know? 1487 01:44:19,086 --> 01:44:20,754 Thank you. 1488 01:44:21,755 --> 01:44:23,340 For what? 1489 01:44:23,340 --> 01:44:25,009 For believing in me. 1490 01:44:25,009 --> 01:44:28,345 For reminding me that Christmas still matters. 1491 01:44:29,930 --> 01:44:32,391 And that I still... 1492 01:44:32,391 --> 01:44:34,768 matter. 1493 01:44:36,312 --> 01:44:38,481 You gave me my "ho, ho, ho" back. 1494 01:44:48,365 --> 01:44:50,701 All right. Get out of here. 1495 01:44:54,413 --> 01:44:57,333 Merry Christmas! 1496 01:44:59,877 --> 01:45:01,128 Hyah! 1497 01:45:01,128 --> 01:45:04,507 Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! 1498 01:45:04,507 --> 01:45:06,634 Now, Prancer and Vixen! 1499 01:45:06,634 --> 01:45:10,137 On, Comet! On, Cupid! 1500 01:45:10,137 --> 01:45:13,140 On, Donner and Blitzen! 1501 01:45:13,140 --> 01:45:16,727 Come on, you beautiful bastards! 1502 01:45:16,727 --> 01:45:20,105 We've got some work to do! 1503 01:45:20,105 --> 01:45:23,150 Hyah! 1504 01:45:23,150 --> 01:45:25,861 Ho, ho, ho! 1505 01:45:25,861 --> 01:45:29,073 Merry Christmas! 1506 01:46:57,369 --> 01:46:59,538 Hey, yo! What's Gucci, squad fam? 1507 01:46:59,538 --> 01:47:02,625 It's the Bert Locker, living the dream. 1508 01:47:02,625 --> 01:47:04,710 You know what? See this guy? Dead as hell. 1509 01:47:04,710 --> 01:47:06,503 Santa's real, all right? 1510 01:47:06,503 --> 01:47:08,380 Don't end up on the naughty list. 1511 01:47:08,380 --> 01:47:09,632 Do better. 1512 01:47:09,632 --> 01:47:11,759 Bert Lightstone out.