WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:25.901 --> 00:00:28.195 -Action. -Design. 4 00:01:08.026 --> 00:01:10.320 - Another one? 5 00:01:10.320 --> 00:01:14.324 Well, I'm still vertical, so I'd like to change that. 6 00:01:23.333 --> 00:01:25.585 Ho, ho. 7 00:01:27.087 --> 00:01:29.339 Bitter. Pint. 8 00:01:30.340 --> 00:01:32.134 You just get off? 9 00:01:37.222 --> 00:01:39.141 I'm taking a break. 10 00:01:39.141 --> 00:01:41.310 Between shifts, I guess you could say. 11 00:01:41.310 --> 00:01:42.894 - Hmm. - You ain't driving, are you? 12 00:01:42.894 --> 00:01:45.939 I steer a little, but the reindeer do most of the work. 13 00:01:48.859 --> 00:01:50.277 Mm-hmm. 14 00:01:50.277 --> 00:01:52.487 This is my, uh, fourth year as a Santa. 15 00:01:52.487 --> 00:01:53.780 Ah. 16 00:01:53.780 --> 00:01:55.032 How about you? 17 00:01:55.032 --> 00:01:57.117 Lost count. 18 00:01:57.117 --> 00:02:00.287 I forget why I started doing it in the first place. 19 00:02:00.287 --> 00:02:03.582 Same reason anybody does anything. 20 00:02:03.582 --> 00:02:05.375 The money. 21 00:02:05.375 --> 00:02:08.045 Money. Money. 22 00:02:08.045 --> 00:02:10.047 This whole planet runs on greed. 23 00:02:14.718 --> 00:02:17.179 It's the look on the kiddies' faces, innit? 24 00:02:17.179 --> 00:02:18.805 That's what does it for me. 25 00:02:18.805 --> 00:02:22.476 - Ah, the look. Yeah, that look. 26 00:02:22.476 --> 00:02:24.686 Lasts about two seconds. 27 00:02:24.686 --> 00:02:27.105 As soon as they're finished unwrapping, 28 00:02:27.105 --> 00:02:29.566 they want the next present, 29 00:02:29.566 --> 00:02:32.319 they want the next cool thing. 30 00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:34.321 That's how this world works. 31 00:02:34.321 --> 00:02:36.365 And kids-- what kids have become. 32 00:02:36.365 --> 00:02:40.535 They're just like little junkies. 33 00:02:40.535 --> 00:02:43.205 They're little shits. They just demand. 34 00:02:43.205 --> 00:02:44.748 They don't believe. 35 00:02:44.748 --> 00:02:48.460 They just want, crave, consume. 36 00:02:53.465 --> 00:02:55.967 Maybe this is my last year. 37 00:02:58.053 --> 00:03:00.222 The last Christmas. 38 00:03:03.683 --> 00:03:07.312 Well, I can't stand seeing another Santa in distress. 39 00:03:08.480 --> 00:03:10.107 Put his drinks on my tab. 40 00:03:10.107 --> 00:03:11.566 - Okay? - Yeah. 41 00:03:11.566 --> 00:03:14.194 Oh, very merry of you. Okay. 42 00:03:14.194 --> 00:03:16.613 I better get going. 43 00:03:16.613 --> 00:03:18.824 Presents aren't gonna deliver themselves. 44 00:03:19.991 --> 00:03:21.868 Oh, uh... 45 00:03:21.868 --> 00:03:23.745 For your grandson. Save me a trip. 46 00:03:23.745 --> 00:03:25.789 It's, uh, that new video game. 47 00:03:25.789 --> 00:03:28.500 It's Astro Blaster, Blaster Astro. 48 00:03:28.500 --> 00:03:30.502 I-I don't know. 49 00:03:30.502 --> 00:03:31.878 Merry Christmas. 50 00:03:31.878 --> 00:03:34.381 How'd he know my grandson's name? 51 00:03:34.381 --> 00:03:37.592 - How'd he know I have a grandson? - 52 00:03:37.592 --> 00:03:41.888 Oi! That door leads to the roof. 53 00:03:41.888 --> 00:03:43.223 Piss head. 54 00:03:43.223 --> 00:03:45.767 Go easy on him. It's Christmas. 55 00:03:47.936 --> 00:03:51.314 Hey! You can't be up here. 56 00:03:51.314 --> 00:03:54.985 If you break your neck, I'm the one... 57 00:04:14.838 --> 00:04:17.257 My God. 58 00:04:22.262 --> 00:04:24.097 It's... 59 00:04:26.141 --> 00:04:27.601 ...beauti... 60 00:05:14.439 --> 00:05:16.650 Hi. Hi, hi, hi. 61 00:05:16.650 --> 00:05:18.985 There she is. Hello, muffin. 62 00:05:20.028 --> 00:05:22.322 Let's go see Grandma. 63 00:05:24.074 --> 00:05:25.492 Ooh. 64 00:05:25.492 --> 00:05:27.744 Merry Christmas. 65 00:05:30.080 --> 00:05:31.665 Merry Christmas, Trudy. 66 00:05:31.665 --> 00:05:32.749 Merry... 67 00:05:32.749 --> 00:05:34.501 Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! 68 00:05:34.501 --> 00:05:37.921 Merry Christmas, Daddy, ya filthy animal. 69 00:05:39.339 --> 00:05:41.508 She got to stay up late and watch Home Alone. 70 00:05:41.508 --> 00:05:42.592 Uh-huh. 71 00:05:42.592 --> 00:05:45.512 It was so funny. 72 00:05:45.512 --> 00:05:47.973 - Yep. - That... that hurts. 73 00:05:47.973 --> 00:05:49.516 - All morning. - Okay, um... 74 00:05:49.516 --> 00:05:51.560 Thank you. 75 00:05:52.477 --> 00:05:54.479 For doing this. 76 00:05:54.479 --> 00:05:56.690 I'm not doing it for you. 77 00:05:58.358 --> 00:06:00.485 - It's Christmas! - Yeah! 78 00:06:19.713 --> 00:06:21.381 Merry Christmas, Al. 79 00:06:21.381 --> 00:06:23.216 Hi, Linda. Merry Christmas. 80 00:06:23.216 --> 00:06:25.260 - Mr. Lightstone. - Hey, Al. 81 00:06:25.260 --> 00:06:26.636 Hey, you back there, Tru? 82 00:06:26.636 --> 00:06:28.388 Yeah, I bet you're excited for Christmas. 83 00:06:28.388 --> 00:06:30.098 What did you ask Santa for? 84 00:06:30.098 --> 00:06:31.850 - Not to work on Christmas Eve. 85 00:06:31.850 --> 00:06:33.435 Must've been naughty this year, 86 00:06:33.435 --> 00:06:35.061 -'cause here I am. - Mm-hmm. 87 00:06:35.061 --> 00:06:37.063 Just make sure you let Santa through the gates later, Al. 88 00:06:37.063 --> 00:06:38.607 - Yeah. - Have a merry one, now. 89 00:06:38.607 --> 00:06:40.609 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, Al. 90 00:06:40.609 --> 00:06:42.652 Merry Christmas, Tru. 91 00:06:42.652 --> 00:06:44.195 -Thank you, Al. - Yeah. 92 00:07:07.010 --> 00:07:09.763 I can't remember where the second one is. 93 00:07:12.807 --> 00:07:14.934 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 94 00:07:14.934 --> 00:07:16.686 Merry Christmas. 95 00:07:16.686 --> 00:07:18.772 Hope you're on the nice list. 96 00:07:18.772 --> 00:07:21.524 That doesn't go over there. 97 00:07:29.282 --> 00:07:30.909 Excuse me. 98 00:07:35.121 --> 00:07:36.956 What the hell is this? 99 00:07:36.956 --> 00:07:39.334 You are the worst catering company on the planet. 100 00:07:39.334 --> 00:07:41.336 It's lengthwise, not width. 101 00:07:41.336 --> 00:07:43.213 Unbelievable. 102 00:07:59.646 --> 00:08:00.814 Okay. 103 00:08:00.814 --> 00:08:03.024 Hi. Hi, guys. Merry Christmas. 104 00:08:03.024 --> 00:08:04.984 - Hi. - I'm fine. Thank you so much. 105 00:08:07.570 --> 00:08:11.574 I'll never get over the fact that you grew up like this. 106 00:08:12.701 --> 00:08:15.161 My therapist says I'll never get over it, either. 107 00:08:16.162 --> 00:08:17.372 I need a drink. 108 00:08:21.918 --> 00:08:25.171 - Hey, look at that. 109 00:08:34.139 --> 00:08:35.932 Hi, Linda. 110 00:08:35.932 --> 00:08:37.976 - Hey. - How's it going, Alva? 111 00:08:37.976 --> 00:08:39.894 Mm-hmm. You gained weight. 112 00:08:39.894 --> 00:08:42.772 - Looks good on you, though. 113 00:08:42.772 --> 00:08:44.691 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 114 00:08:44.691 --> 00:08:46.401 'Sup, limp dick? 115 00:08:47.861 --> 00:08:49.529 I got great feelings about this Christmas. 116 00:08:49.529 --> 00:08:51.698 - You want to know why? - Yeah. 117 00:08:51.698 --> 00:08:53.700 'Cause I think this is the year 118 00:08:53.700 --> 00:08:55.493 that Mom's gonna kick herself upstairs 119 00:08:55.493 --> 00:08:58.204 and choose one of us to start running the show. 120 00:08:58.204 --> 00:09:02.709 And I got to tell you, Jason, that I'm gunning for your ass. 121 00:09:04.127 --> 00:09:05.920 What would a Lightstone family Christmas be 122 00:09:05.920 --> 00:09:07.714 without groveling and infighting? 123 00:09:09.048 --> 00:09:10.759 Your rosé, ma'am. 124 00:09:10.759 --> 00:09:13.511 Honey, smile. It's Christmas. 125 00:09:13.511 --> 00:09:14.637 Mm. 126 00:09:14.637 --> 00:09:16.222 Good. Good girl. 127 00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:21.728 I am sorry about my sister. 128 00:09:27.108 --> 00:09:29.569 It is really nice to see you. 129 00:09:31.404 --> 00:09:33.698 To have you here. 130 00:09:36.951 --> 00:09:40.413 Okay, I'm behind. Catch me up on all the hot goss. 131 00:09:40.413 --> 00:09:42.248 Hot goss. Okay. 132 00:09:42.248 --> 00:09:46.044 Um, well, you remember Bert, my sister's pride and joy. 133 00:09:46.044 --> 00:09:49.881 Yo, yo, yo. This is the Bert Locker 134 00:09:49.881 --> 00:09:53.760 living that bling life on Christmas Eve. 135 00:09:55.345 --> 00:09:56.763 Hashtag "blessed." 136 00:09:56.763 --> 00:09:59.307 He just got what I can only assume 137 00:09:59.307 --> 00:10:02.602 will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations. 138 00:10:02.602 --> 00:10:04.270 Mom paid off the school, 139 00:10:04.270 --> 00:10:06.439 and now the gymnasium is named after us. 140 00:10:06.439 --> 00:10:08.441 Of course she did. 141 00:10:08.441 --> 00:10:09.567 What about Tragic Mike? 142 00:10:09.567 --> 00:10:11.361 All I'm saying is, 143 00:10:11.361 --> 00:10:13.029 if I was on one of those planes, 144 00:10:13.029 --> 00:10:15.031 9/11 would've ended with a bunch of terrorists 145 00:10:15.031 --> 00:10:18.785 skydiving over Connecticut without their parachutes. 146 00:10:18.785 --> 00:10:20.829 -Yeah. You like that? - Yes. Yes. 147 00:10:20.829 --> 00:10:23.039 - Yeah, I do like it. - Ooh. 148 00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:25.458 - Kiss me in front of my son. - Now, huh? 149 00:10:25.458 --> 00:10:28.002 - Mm... 150 00:10:28.002 --> 00:10:30.046 He might actually be a decent actor. 151 00:10:30.046 --> 00:10:32.131 - Hmm. -He's been doing an Oscar-worthy job 152 00:10:32.131 --> 00:10:34.717 - of pretending to find my sister appealing. - 153 00:10:34.717 --> 00:10:37.220 Now he wants Mom to fund a film for him. 154 00:10:40.139 --> 00:10:42.141 - It's Gertrude! - It's Mom. 155 00:10:42.141 --> 00:10:44.185 - Okay, let's do this. - Okay, okay. Come on. 156 00:10:44.185 --> 00:10:45.895 - Come on. Bert, get over here. - No. Mom. Mom! 157 00:10:45.895 --> 00:10:47.146 - Positions. - Game time, buddy. 158 00:10:47.146 --> 00:10:48.982 - Okay. Okay. - This is my good side. 159 00:10:48.982 --> 00:10:50.775 We've gone over this! Come on! 160 00:10:50.775 --> 00:10:51.901 Gosh. Okay. 161 00:10:51.901 --> 00:10:53.069 Bert, get in the middle. 162 00:10:53.069 --> 00:10:54.320 So it begins. 163 00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:56.447 Seriously, come. You know what that means. 164 00:10:56.447 --> 00:10:58.533 Shall we jockey forward? 165 00:10:58.533 --> 00:11:00.285 No. 166 00:11:01.452 --> 00:11:04.038 No, we can hang back. 167 00:11:04.038 --> 00:11:05.498 Yeah. 168 00:11:05.498 --> 00:11:07.125 Trudy, honey? 169 00:11:08.835 --> 00:11:10.086 Come on over here. 170 00:11:11.546 --> 00:11:13.715 Just, like... 171 00:11:13.715 --> 00:11:15.508 Threaten 'em or bribe 'em. 172 00:11:15.508 --> 00:11:16.801 This isn't rocket science. 173 00:11:16.801 --> 00:11:18.344 Same shit we always do. 174 00:11:19.846 --> 00:11:21.180 That's what? 175 00:11:21.180 --> 00:11:23.641 That's the best you can do? 176 00:11:23.641 --> 00:11:25.518 Excited to see your grandma? 177 00:11:25.518 --> 00:11:26.853 Listen, you cocksucker. 178 00:11:26.853 --> 00:11:28.813 It's Christmas, so why don't you take 179 00:11:28.813 --> 00:11:30.732 your best offer, gift wrap it, 180 00:11:30.732 --> 00:11:33.693 and ram it up your fucking box. 181 00:11:35.028 --> 00:11:37.363 Maybe you don't realize who I am. 182 00:11:37.363 --> 00:11:38.948 Those were Grandma words. You know, forget them. 183 00:11:38.948 --> 00:11:40.783 Oh, boy. Look at Mr. Cool back here. 184 00:11:40.783 --> 00:11:43.036 Yeah, what's your angle, man? Hmm? 185 00:11:43.036 --> 00:11:45.663 No angle. I'm not doing anything. 186 00:11:45.663 --> 00:11:47.123 Oh, yeah. 187 00:11:47.123 --> 00:11:48.708 No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No! 188 00:11:48.708 --> 00:11:51.753 Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's chocolate cake. 189 00:11:51.753 --> 00:11:53.046 Grandma's cool. 190 00:11:53.046 --> 00:11:55.340 I can make that story go away... 191 00:11:55.340 --> 00:11:57.050 I think your brother's up to something. 192 00:11:57.050 --> 00:11:58.843 No, I just decided to let you guys 193 00:11:58.843 --> 00:12:00.720 have all the fun sucking up to Mom today. 194 00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:03.514 Please. You are King Suck-up. 195 00:12:03.514 --> 00:12:05.558 You named your kid Gertrude. 196 00:12:06.935 --> 00:12:09.228 Alva, you named your son Bertrude. 197 00:12:09.228 --> 00:12:11.230 Okay. 198 00:12:11.230 --> 00:12:12.941 Sorry, Bert, but that's not a real name. 199 00:12:12.941 --> 00:12:15.777 Sorry, Linda. We can't all be lucky enough to have daughters. 200 00:12:15.777 --> 00:12:17.779 Mom, I can hear you. 201 00:12:18.905 --> 00:12:21.491 You know something we don't. What is it? 202 00:12:21.491 --> 00:12:22.951 No, I don't. I don't. 203 00:12:22.951 --> 00:12:24.202 I got it. Bingo. 204 00:12:24.202 --> 00:12:25.620 I'm onto you, man. Come on! 205 00:12:25.620 --> 00:12:27.246 - We were just... - Come on, 206 00:12:27.246 --> 00:12:28.498 come on, come on, come on. 207 00:12:28.498 --> 00:12:30.792 - You big sack of shit. - Ooh. 208 00:12:30.792 --> 00:12:32.627 No wonder your husband left you. 209 00:12:32.627 --> 00:12:34.879 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 210 00:12:35.922 --> 00:12:38.257 Merry Christmas to you, too, Senator. 211 00:12:39.092 --> 00:12:40.885 - Merry Christmas, Mommy. - Merry Christmas. 212 00:12:42.220 --> 00:12:43.763 Merry Christmas. 213 00:12:43.763 --> 00:12:46.516 Why in the hell are you standing all the way back there? 214 00:12:47.600 --> 00:12:49.352 Merry Christmas, Grandma! 215 00:12:49.352 --> 00:12:51.437 - Aw. - Little bitch. 216 00:12:51.437 --> 00:12:53.982 Little Gertrude. And how is my favorite granddaughter? 217 00:12:53.982 --> 00:12:56.526 Everybody calls me Trudy now. 218 00:12:56.526 --> 00:12:58.194 Trudy? 219 00:12:59.529 --> 00:13:01.656 - Well, that makes her sound like a whore. -Okay. 220 00:13:01.656 --> 00:13:04.409 Oh, she doesn't even know the meaning of the word. 221 00:13:04.409 --> 00:13:06.744 I'm starving. Let's eat. 222 00:13:06.744 --> 00:13:08.204 Great. 223 00:13:08.204 --> 00:13:10.707 And, Mom, I think Gertrude is a beautiful name. 224 00:13:10.707 --> 00:13:13.001 Mm-hmm. I only call her Gertrude. 225 00:13:13.001 --> 00:13:14.293 - Merry Christmas, Gertrude. - Come on, Bertrude. 226 00:14:19.192 --> 00:14:22.028 Another fucking Christmas. 227 00:14:25.364 --> 00:14:27.116 I made these all by myself. 228 00:14:27.116 --> 00:14:28.701 - No way. - Mm-hmm. 229 00:14:28.701 --> 00:14:30.870 I even made one that looks exactly like Santa. 230 00:14:30.870 --> 00:14:33.372 - Exactly. - Yeah. 231 00:14:34.207 --> 00:14:35.750 Santa gets a candy cane, too? 232 00:14:35.750 --> 00:14:37.001 Yeah. 233 00:14:37.001 --> 00:14:38.503 Mm, okay. 234 00:14:39.879 --> 00:14:41.547 It's perfect. 235 00:14:41.547 --> 00:14:43.216 No peeking. 236 00:14:43.216 --> 00:14:45.676 This house has so many chimneys. 237 00:14:47.178 --> 00:14:49.222 How will Santa know which one to come down? 238 00:14:49.222 --> 00:14:51.099 Oh, Santa just knows. 239 00:14:51.099 --> 00:14:52.892 Christmas magic. 240 00:14:55.853 --> 00:14:57.563 Honey, what's wrong? 241 00:14:57.563 --> 00:15:01.067 Daddy never took me to see Santa at the mall this year. 242 00:15:01.859 --> 00:15:04.070 He didn't. 243 00:15:06.447 --> 00:15:08.449 I am so sorry. 244 00:15:10.243 --> 00:15:12.203 This year has been weird. 245 00:15:12.203 --> 00:15:15.915 I never got to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas. 246 00:15:15.915 --> 00:15:18.417 Oh, honey. Come here. 247 00:15:22.088 --> 00:15:24.715 You know what? 248 00:15:24.715 --> 00:15:28.928 You go put your pj's on, 249 00:15:28.928 --> 00:15:32.014 and I will be two minutes. 250 00:15:37.812 --> 00:15:40.106 Yes! 251 00:15:41.566 --> 00:15:43.985 Okay... 252 00:15:51.909 --> 00:15:53.619 Yes. 253 00:15:57.456 --> 00:15:59.292 Yes! 254 00:16:00.751 --> 00:16:05.173 Because you have been so good to me and Mommy this year, 255 00:16:05.173 --> 00:16:09.135 we decided that you could have one gift... 256 00:16:09.135 --> 00:16:11.012 early! 257 00:16:11.012 --> 00:16:13.472 - Really? 258 00:16:17.518 --> 00:16:19.604 What is it? 259 00:16:21.522 --> 00:16:25.109 That is a very special walkie-talkie. 260 00:16:25.109 --> 00:16:26.652 It's magic. 261 00:16:26.652 --> 00:16:27.945 - Magic? - Mm-hmm. 262 00:16:27.945 --> 00:16:30.156 What you got right there 263 00:16:30.156 --> 00:16:32.533 is a direct hotline to Santa Claus himself. 264 00:16:32.533 --> 00:16:35.286 - I can talk to Santa? - Oh, yeah. 265 00:16:35.286 --> 00:16:39.123 It's just like writing him a letter... but better. 266 00:16:39.123 --> 00:16:40.249 Mm-hmm. 267 00:16:40.249 --> 00:16:43.044 Now, the only thing is, 268 00:16:43.044 --> 00:16:45.421 he might not have time to answer you. 269 00:16:45.421 --> 00:16:47.465 He's delivering a lot of presents tonight. 270 00:16:47.465 --> 00:16:48.799 Mm-hmm. 271 00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:51.385 But he'll hear everything you want to say to him. 272 00:16:57.850 --> 00:16:59.685 Hello, Santa? 273 00:16:59.685 --> 00:17:03.147 This is Trudy Lightstone. 274 00:17:03.147 --> 00:17:05.191 I hope you're having a nice night. 275 00:17:05.191 --> 00:17:07.360 Mm. 276 00:17:07.360 --> 00:17:12.114 It's really cold tonight, so don't forget your mittens. 277 00:17:12.949 --> 00:17:16.244 So, I wanted to tell you, Santa, 278 00:17:16.244 --> 00:17:18.037 I was extra good this year, 279 00:17:18.037 --> 00:17:22.208 so I wrote a big list for you with all the stuff I wanted. 280 00:17:23.542 --> 00:17:25.419 But then... 281 00:17:25.419 --> 00:17:28.839 then I realized I don't need any of that. 282 00:17:29.757 --> 00:17:33.469 I really only want one present for Christmas. 283 00:17:35.137 --> 00:17:38.808 I want Mommy and Daddy to make up 284 00:17:38.808 --> 00:17:41.227 so we can be a family again. 285 00:17:42.436 --> 00:17:44.105 Okay. 286 00:17:44.105 --> 00:17:46.274 Good night, Santa. 287 00:17:47.441 --> 00:17:49.568 Good night, Mr. Bunny. 288 00:18:01.998 --> 00:18:03.749 Which one of you did that? 289 00:18:05.084 --> 00:18:06.419 You can't go two seconds without 290 00:18:06.419 --> 00:18:08.254 crapping on the roof like a bunch of pigeons? 291 00:18:09.964 --> 00:18:13.092 So unprofessional. 292 00:18:15.678 --> 00:18:18.389 You know, Rudolph will never do this crap. 293 00:18:31.610 --> 00:18:33.279 Hmm. 294 00:18:37.575 --> 00:18:39.368 Mmm. 295 00:18:46.042 --> 00:18:48.294 Mmm, mmm. 296 00:18:49.295 --> 00:18:51.630 Homemade. 297 00:18:51.630 --> 00:18:53.007 Mmm. 298 00:18:56.844 --> 00:18:58.846 Ugh. 299 00:18:58.846 --> 00:19:00.431 Skim. 300 00:19:10.691 --> 00:19:12.276 Oh, yeah. 301 00:19:12.276 --> 00:19:14.403 That's the stuff. 302 00:19:18.824 --> 00:19:20.743 Mmm. 303 00:19:21.744 --> 00:19:23.496 DuBoi... 304 00:19:23.496 --> 00:19:26.499 - On some prewar shit right there. - 305 00:19:26.499 --> 00:19:28.918 - Good shit. 306 00:19:40.513 --> 00:19:42.181 Mmm. 307 00:19:42.181 --> 00:19:43.849 That pairs well. 308 00:19:43.849 --> 00:19:46.519 What do we have here? 309 00:20:02.743 --> 00:20:04.453 Oh, yeah. 310 00:20:04.453 --> 00:20:06.539 That's the stuff. 311 00:20:15.464 --> 00:20:18.551 - You know, uh... 312 00:20:18.551 --> 00:20:21.554 Christmas is all right, 313 00:20:21.554 --> 00:20:25.224 but you Americans don't celebrate my favorite holiday. 314 00:20:26.058 --> 00:20:27.893 Oh, yeah? What? 315 00:20:27.893 --> 00:20:29.520 Boxing Day. 316 00:21:02.761 --> 00:21:04.430 Yo, yo. B. Lightstone here, 317 00:21:04.430 --> 00:21:06.223 live streaming the dream, you know. 318 00:21:06.223 --> 00:21:08.767 They say the richest man... 319 00:21:09.935 --> 00:21:11.562 Say goodbye. 320 00:21:11.562 --> 00:21:13.522 And if you... 321 00:21:14.690 --> 00:21:17.693 Grandma! Your Wi-Fi sucks dick. 322 00:21:17.693 --> 00:21:19.361 Damn it! 323 00:21:19.361 --> 00:21:21.947 When he was small, I begged you to beat him. 324 00:21:39.423 --> 00:21:41.425 Hey. Merry Christmas. 325 00:21:41.425 --> 00:21:43.093 Or should I say "happy holidays" now? 326 00:21:43.093 --> 00:21:45.137 Right? I mean, it's like, people, make up your minds. 327 00:21:45.137 --> 00:21:47.389 - You know what I'm saying? - Can I help you? 328 00:21:47.389 --> 00:21:49.350 Oh, yeah. I sure hope so. See, uh, 329 00:21:49.350 --> 00:21:50.976 my car broke down a little ways... 330 00:21:50.976 --> 00:21:52.811 Out here? This is a private road. 331 00:21:52.811 --> 00:21:54.813 You're telling me. 332 00:21:54.813 --> 00:21:57.107 It's the first place I've seen for miles. 333 00:21:57.107 --> 00:21:58.400 I think I got frostbite. 334 00:21:58.400 --> 00:21:59.735 Where the hell am I, anyway? 335 00:21:59.735 --> 00:22:01.487 G.T. Lightstone family compound. 336 00:22:01.487 --> 00:22:03.322 I'll call you a tow. 337 00:22:12.373 --> 00:22:14.375 All right, revelers. 338 00:22:14.375 --> 00:22:16.168 Time to steal Christmas. 339 00:22:16.168 --> 00:22:17.419 Sound off. 340 00:22:17.419 --> 00:22:19.004 Jingle. Check. 341 00:22:19.004 --> 00:22:20.589 Peppermint. Check. 342 00:22:20.589 --> 00:22:22.174 Sugarplum. Check. 343 00:22:22.174 --> 00:22:25.135 Krampus. Ready to fuck shit up. 344 00:22:25.135 --> 00:22:26.929 Candy Cane. Check. 345 00:22:26.929 --> 00:22:29.557 - Go for Frosty. - Go for Tinsel. 346 00:22:29.557 --> 00:22:31.267 Go for Gingerbread. 347 00:22:31.267 --> 00:22:34.228 Are we gonna use these stupid code names all night? 348 00:22:34.228 --> 00:22:35.729 'Tis the season. 349 00:22:35.729 --> 00:22:39.525 Welcome to your worst Christmas ever. 350 00:22:39.525 --> 00:22:42.903 Trudy loves seeing Santa at the mall. 351 00:22:43.737 --> 00:22:45.531 She loves going with her father. 352 00:22:45.531 --> 00:22:47.199 And you should've taken her yesterday, 353 00:22:47.199 --> 00:22:48.576 like you do every Christmas, 354 00:22:48.576 --> 00:22:50.286 but we didn't even hear from you. 355 00:22:50.286 --> 00:22:51.620 Mom put me on a special project. 356 00:22:51.620 --> 00:22:53.038 - It's complicated. - But it's not, 357 00:22:53.038 --> 00:22:55.124 because it keeps happening over and over. 358 00:22:55.124 --> 00:22:57.710 - Your mother forcing herself between us. -You're right. 359 00:23:02.298 --> 00:23:04.675 What if we could give Trudy her Christmas wish? 360 00:23:04.675 --> 00:23:06.760 You're trying to win me back 361 00:23:06.760 --> 00:23:09.430 with a romantic weekend at your mother's? 362 00:23:09.430 --> 00:23:12.766 What if things really changed this time? 363 00:23:14.518 --> 00:23:16.979 We got out from under my mother's thumb. 364 00:23:16.979 --> 00:23:18.772 We'll walk away. 365 00:23:18.772 --> 00:23:21.483 From the company, the family. 366 00:23:24.194 --> 00:23:25.821 Tonight. 367 00:23:26.614 --> 00:23:28.157 What are you up to? 368 00:24:13.452 --> 00:24:14.745 Let's go. 369 00:24:14.745 --> 00:24:17.247 We need to get you out of here. 370 00:24:17.247 --> 00:24:18.999 Mommy, where are you going? 371 00:24:18.999 --> 00:24:20.793 - She's going for the panic room! - What? 372 00:24:20.793 --> 00:24:22.127 - Yes. Go, Bertrude. - Without us? 373 00:24:28.092 --> 00:24:30.135 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 374 00:24:51.824 --> 00:24:53.784 There isn't room for all of us. 375 00:24:53.784 --> 00:24:55.536 She can fit at least two of us. Mom, take me. 376 00:24:55.536 --> 00:24:57.496 - Mom! - Oh. Yeah. 377 00:24:57.496 --> 00:24:59.123 M-Mom, can Bert come, too? 378 00:25:01.792 --> 00:25:03.043 Okay. Move it or lose it, son. 379 00:25:03.043 --> 00:25:04.753 - Move it! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 380 00:25:04.753 --> 00:25:06.880 You're supposed to protect us. 381 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:08.549 We protect the primary asset. 382 00:25:12.511 --> 00:25:13.721 Who the hell are you? 383 00:25:13.721 --> 00:25:16.682 You can call me Mr. Scrooge. 384 00:25:17.433 --> 00:25:18.851 Hilarious. 385 00:25:18.851 --> 00:25:20.185 Get him. 386 00:25:28.736 --> 00:25:31.155 Bah humbug, motherfucker. 387 00:25:40.539 --> 00:25:42.791 Hey. Step aside. 388 00:25:44.042 --> 00:25:46.545 Tinsel, Peppermint, sweep upstairs. 389 00:25:46.545 --> 00:25:48.756 I want all the Lightstones together. 390 00:25:49.548 --> 00:25:51.258 Kill anybody else you find. 391 00:26:01.435 --> 00:26:04.229 Fuck. Fuck, fuck. 392 00:26:05.063 --> 00:26:07.608 Trudy, honey, we got to go. 393 00:26:08.567 --> 00:26:10.110 Wake up, honey. Wake up. 394 00:26:10.110 --> 00:26:12.905 Maybe we can get out the back by the servants' stairs. 395 00:26:19.745 --> 00:26:22.247 Oh, come on. Not now. Not now. 396 00:26:23.373 --> 00:26:25.375 Fuck! Fuck! 397 00:26:25.375 --> 00:26:26.919 Mistletoe, gingerbread. 398 00:26:51.109 --> 00:26:52.194 Hey! 399 00:26:55.030 --> 00:26:56.281 Oh. Oh. 400 00:26:56.281 --> 00:26:57.741 Hi. 401 00:26:57.741 --> 00:27:00.202 You got me. 402 00:27:00.202 --> 00:27:02.788 I don't want any trouble, okay? 403 00:27:02.788 --> 00:27:04.498 Downstairs. Now. 404 00:27:04.498 --> 00:27:08.168 Look, mister, I don't want to get involved. 405 00:27:08.168 --> 00:27:10.587 I just... I just have a job to do. 406 00:27:10.587 --> 00:27:11.964 Okay? That's it. 407 00:27:11.964 --> 00:27:14.466 I'm just gonna take my bag, 408 00:27:14.466 --> 00:27:17.302 and I'm just gonna scooch up that chimney. 409 00:27:18.804 --> 00:27:20.681 Enough talk. Let's go. 410 00:27:21.473 --> 00:27:23.225 You don't want to do this. 411 00:27:23.225 --> 00:27:24.434 What? This? 412 00:27:26.144 --> 00:27:27.479 Now, move! 413 00:27:27.479 --> 00:27:29.481 - Are you deaf? 414 00:27:29.481 --> 00:27:31.483 Fucking move! 415 00:27:42.286 --> 00:27:44.162 No, no, no. 416 00:27:44.162 --> 00:27:47.332 No! Wait! 417 00:27:47.332 --> 00:27:48.667 Wait. 418 00:27:48.667 --> 00:27:50.335 Wait! Don't go! 419 00:27:50.335 --> 00:27:52.212 Come back! 420 00:29:07.287 --> 00:29:09.039 Oh, fuck! 421 00:29:33.146 --> 00:29:34.648 Oh, shit. 422 00:29:55.961 --> 00:29:59.798 Damn chickenshit reindeer leave me here to die. 423 00:30:21.778 --> 00:30:23.155 Cute. 424 00:30:23.155 --> 00:30:26.283 Do you have any idea who you're fucking with? 425 00:30:29.619 --> 00:30:32.497 I know exactly who I'm fucking with. 426 00:30:32.497 --> 00:30:34.624 Oh, wait, wait. Did you actually think 427 00:30:34.624 --> 00:30:36.168 that I spent months 428 00:30:36.168 --> 00:30:38.837 planning a complex break-in to the most secure 429 00:30:38.837 --> 00:30:40.464 private residence in the country 430 00:30:40.464 --> 00:30:42.215 and I didn't know who lived here? 431 00:30:42.215 --> 00:30:43.800 Well, you're wrong. 432 00:30:43.800 --> 00:30:46.762 'Cause your staff are dead. 433 00:30:46.762 --> 00:30:48.889 - Your security are dead. 434 00:30:48.889 --> 00:30:52.184 Now, sit down and shut the fuck up! 435 00:31:20.295 --> 00:31:22.339 Oh, fuck. 436 00:31:25.217 --> 00:31:26.551 We planned it. It's all right. 437 00:31:26.551 --> 00:31:28.178 It'll be solved in a couple minutes. 438 00:31:28.178 --> 00:31:29.721 Better be solved. 439 00:31:29.721 --> 00:31:32.099 So much like a scene from my movie Dark Ransom. 440 00:31:32.099 --> 00:31:33.558 Oh, my God. 441 00:31:34.726 --> 00:31:36.228 If they didn't have guns, 442 00:31:36.228 --> 00:31:38.271 I could take out three, maybe four of them. 443 00:31:38.271 --> 00:31:40.398 Try all of them. 444 00:31:40.398 --> 00:31:43.026 Ew, Mom. Yuck. 445 00:31:43.026 --> 00:31:44.820 If you'd really done your research, you'd know 446 00:31:44.820 --> 00:31:47.614 that my brother Rory was kidnapped in the '70s. 447 00:31:48.490 --> 00:31:51.118 But my father never called the police. 448 00:31:51.118 --> 00:31:53.620 Dad sent in our own private extraction team, 449 00:31:53.620 --> 00:31:57.207 and Rory was home safe and sound a week later. 450 00:31:57.207 --> 00:32:00.877 And the kidnappers were never found. 451 00:32:00.877 --> 00:32:02.963 If you get me. 452 00:32:04.506 --> 00:32:06.007 I know. 453 00:32:06.007 --> 00:32:08.718 I know all about your extraction team 454 00:32:08.718 --> 00:32:10.804 that you affectionately call "the Kill Squad" 455 00:32:10.804 --> 00:32:12.597 behind closed doors. 456 00:32:12.597 --> 00:32:14.516 I also know that they're on their way 457 00:32:14.516 --> 00:32:16.518 and how long it's gonna take 'em to get here. 458 00:32:16.518 --> 00:32:19.437 I even know their credit ratings and their dick sizes. 459 00:32:19.437 --> 00:32:21.106 If you get me. 460 00:32:21.106 --> 00:32:23.275 Then you should also know you're already dead. 461 00:32:23.275 --> 00:32:25.110 We don't do ransoms. 462 00:32:25.110 --> 00:32:27.737 Again, I know. I know. 463 00:32:27.737 --> 00:32:29.739 See, I know a lot, Gertrude. 464 00:32:29.739 --> 00:32:31.491 I really do. 465 00:32:31.491 --> 00:32:34.578 Like the fact that you have 300 million in U.S. dollars 466 00:32:34.578 --> 00:32:36.705 sitting in your personal vault downstairs. 467 00:32:36.705 --> 00:32:38.957 - The fuck? - That's right. 468 00:32:38.957 --> 00:32:41.710 300 million that the U.S. government 469 00:32:41.710 --> 00:32:45.172 gave Lightstone to quietly distribute in the Middle East 470 00:32:45.172 --> 00:32:46.840 to all the worst people, 471 00:32:46.840 --> 00:32:51.011 to grease the wheels and keep that sweet oil flowing. 472 00:32:51.011 --> 00:32:55.599 300 million that-- oops-- disappeared in the fog of war. 473 00:32:55.599 --> 00:32:58.810 Except it didn't really disappear, did it, Gerty? 474 00:32:58.810 --> 00:33:00.145 'Cause you stole it. 475 00:33:00.145 --> 00:33:01.730 Did you know about this? 476 00:33:01.730 --> 00:33:03.190 Man, this family. 477 00:33:03.190 --> 00:33:06.359 This moneygrubbing family. 478 00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:08.236 Clinging desperately to your wealth, 479 00:33:08.236 --> 00:33:10.655 when your poor employees don't even have enough coal 480 00:33:10.655 --> 00:33:12.532 to keep Tiny Tim warm. 481 00:33:12.532 --> 00:33:15.702 What is it with you and all this Christmas shit? 482 00:33:15.702 --> 00:33:17.495 Talk all you want. 483 00:33:17.495 --> 00:33:19.331 You'll never get in the vault. 484 00:33:19.331 --> 00:33:22.834 Oh, oh, oh, because when you-you hit the panic button, 485 00:33:22.834 --> 00:33:24.502 it reset the combination? 486 00:33:24.502 --> 00:33:28.173 I keep telling you, I know. 487 00:33:32.969 --> 00:33:35.847 This is what breaking into a vault has turned into? 488 00:33:35.847 --> 00:33:40.518 Remember when you just had to drill holes and blow shit up? 489 00:33:40.518 --> 00:33:42.187 I don't know, maybe I'm getting old, 490 00:33:42.187 --> 00:33:43.688 but there was something romantic about that. 491 00:33:43.688 --> 00:33:45.941 Boss, you copy? 492 00:33:45.941 --> 00:33:47.901 I'm kind of busy here. 493 00:33:47.901 --> 00:33:50.362 You're gonna want to see this. 494 00:33:59.704 --> 00:34:01.373 Maybe he fell. 495 00:34:01.373 --> 00:34:02.791 You rappel down buildings with him. 496 00:34:02.791 --> 00:34:05.210 You gonna tell me he just fell out a window? 497 00:34:06.044 --> 00:34:08.046 All right, look lively, gang. 498 00:34:08.046 --> 00:34:09.798 We got a gopher. 499 00:34:25.230 --> 00:34:26.731 You know what? 500 00:34:26.731 --> 00:34:30.902 Um, I think Mr. Bunny wants to go to sleep. 501 00:34:30.902 --> 00:34:32.904 So, let's tuck him in. 502 00:34:32.904 --> 00:34:34.531 Okay? 503 00:34:35.699 --> 00:34:37.409 It's gonna be okay. 504 00:34:51.298 --> 00:34:53.842 Hello? Santa? 505 00:34:53.842 --> 00:34:55.802 Are you there? 506 00:35:01.641 --> 00:35:03.393 Shit. 507 00:35:07.522 --> 00:35:10.150 This is Candy Cane at checkpoint three. 508 00:35:10.150 --> 00:35:11.860 Oh, shit. 509 00:35:11.860 --> 00:35:13.653 Shit. Shit. Shit. 510 00:35:16.823 --> 00:35:18.742 Video game. 511 00:35:19.909 --> 00:35:21.244 Video game. 512 00:35:21.244 --> 00:35:23.455 Didn't anybody ask for a bat or a sword 513 00:35:23.455 --> 00:35:26.583 - or Molotov cocktails? 514 00:35:35.091 --> 00:35:36.801 Wait. 515 00:35:51.566 --> 00:35:53.234 Mommy, I love you. 516 00:35:54.778 --> 00:35:56.654 Poetry book. 517 00:35:56.654 --> 00:35:59.115 Die Hard on Blu-ray. Fuck! 518 00:36:13.254 --> 00:36:15.215 Safety's on, dipshit. 519 00:36:26.017 --> 00:36:27.977 Wait. Hang on. Hang on. 520 00:36:29.354 --> 00:36:31.940 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look. 521 00:36:31.940 --> 00:36:33.358 I don't want to kill you. 522 00:36:37.320 --> 00:36:41.116 Wow, a big fat guy, gray beard. 523 00:36:41.116 --> 00:36:43.201 Eh? 524 00:36:43.743 --> 00:36:45.787 Santa... 525 00:36:45.787 --> 00:36:47.831 I'm gonna rip your fucking balls off. 526 00:37:01.302 --> 00:37:03.221 Oh, shit. 527 00:38:48.034 --> 00:38:50.370 Ah, God. 528 00:38:50.370 --> 00:38:52.080 Whew. 529 00:38:53.122 --> 00:38:56.084 Whew. Whew. 530 00:38:56.084 --> 00:38:58.169 This is Candy Cane checking in. 531 00:38:58.169 --> 00:38:59.879 Compound is clear and secured. 532 00:39:02.006 --> 00:39:04.092 Copy. What's the status on the Kill Squad? 533 00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:07.512 Kill Squad won't be here for two hours. 534 00:39:07.512 --> 00:39:10.390 So we're doing good. The outer seal's already been breached. 535 00:39:10.390 --> 00:39:13.017 Is there a 911 thing on here? 536 00:39:13.017 --> 00:39:15.520 My... 537 00:39:15.520 --> 00:39:17.480 Am I doing that correct? 538 00:39:17.480 --> 00:39:18.815 Hello? 539 00:39:18.815 --> 00:39:20.775 Hello, can anybody hear me? 540 00:39:20.775 --> 00:39:23.361 Can you hear me, Santa? 541 00:39:25.196 --> 00:39:26.447 Hello? 542 00:39:26.447 --> 00:39:28.032 Santa? 543 00:39:31.202 --> 00:39:32.954 Yeah, this is Santa. 544 00:39:35.707 --> 00:39:38.376 I hope I'm not bothering you. 545 00:39:39.752 --> 00:39:42.630 Daddy said you were very busy tonight. 546 00:39:44.382 --> 00:39:46.301 I'm... 547 00:39:46.301 --> 00:39:48.511 I'm on a break. 548 00:39:48.511 --> 00:39:50.722 Who-who am I speaking to? 549 00:39:53.141 --> 00:39:55.018 My name is Trudy Lightstone, 550 00:39:55.018 --> 00:39:58.479 and I've been very good this year. 551 00:39:58.479 --> 00:40:00.398 Trudy... 552 00:40:02.609 --> 00:40:04.736 Trudy Lightstone. 553 00:40:13.578 --> 00:40:15.788 Yeah, Trudy. 554 00:40:15.788 --> 00:40:18.166 You're on my nice list. 555 00:40:18.166 --> 00:40:20.710 You've been a very good girl this year. 556 00:40:22.253 --> 00:40:24.464 Where are you now, Trudy? 557 00:40:25.715 --> 00:40:28.551 I'm in a big room with all my relatives. 558 00:40:28.551 --> 00:40:31.929 There's two bad men with guns watching us. 559 00:40:34.515 --> 00:40:36.225 Oh, no. Six left. 560 00:40:36.225 --> 00:40:38.561 Are you gonna help us, Santa? 561 00:40:39.687 --> 00:40:41.689 Yeah. Of course I'm gonna help you. 562 00:40:41.689 --> 00:40:44.400 I'm gonna... I'm gonna get you out of there. 563 00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:47.987 Take all these bad guys on my naughty list... 564 00:40:48.863 --> 00:40:51.366 I'm gonna take a lump of coal, 565 00:40:51.366 --> 00:40:55.328 each and every one of them, and shove it straight up... 566 00:40:55.328 --> 00:40:56.621 The ass. 567 00:40:59.457 --> 00:41:01.000 Well, I mean, come on, sweetie. 568 00:41:01.000 --> 00:41:03.961 We want to keep you on the nice list, you know. 569 00:41:05.296 --> 00:41:07.882 Sorry. Can I say "butthole," then? 570 00:41:08.675 --> 00:41:10.176 I mean, it's borderline. 571 00:41:10.176 --> 00:41:11.803 How about "anus"? 572 00:41:11.803 --> 00:41:16.140 Technically, yes, uh, "anus" is the tech... 573 00:41:16.140 --> 00:41:17.975 Okay, look, uh, Tru... uh, Trudy. 574 00:41:17.975 --> 00:41:20.728 I got to call for help, and the phone lines are down. 575 00:41:20.728 --> 00:41:23.398 You probably know this house better than anybody. 576 00:41:23.398 --> 00:41:25.316 You got any suggestions? 577 00:41:25.316 --> 00:41:26.943 I have an idea. 578 00:41:29.195 --> 00:41:31.781 All right, you're telling me there's a goddamn Santa Claus 579 00:41:31.781 --> 00:41:33.700 running around here? 580 00:41:36.869 --> 00:41:38.913 Okay, well, he looks jolly as fuck, 581 00:41:38.913 --> 00:41:40.456 but who the hell is he? 582 00:41:40.456 --> 00:41:42.667 There's no Santa listed on the employee manifest. 583 00:41:42.667 --> 00:41:44.001 Yeah, there's more. 584 00:41:44.001 --> 00:41:45.712 Frosty hasn't checked in. I can't reach him. 585 00:41:45.712 --> 00:41:47.672 All right, keep trying. 586 00:41:50.341 --> 00:41:51.884 All right, it's official. 587 00:41:51.884 --> 00:41:53.803 We got a gopher on the loose, and he's dangerous. 588 00:41:53.803 --> 00:41:55.221 Watch your backs. 589 00:42:00.184 --> 00:42:02.937 Al? Al? 590 00:42:09.152 --> 00:42:11.028 Oh, shit. 591 00:42:18.703 --> 00:42:20.371 Oh, shit! 592 00:42:20.371 --> 00:42:23.708 Frosty, what's your status? 593 00:42:27.170 --> 00:42:29.213 Frosty, sound off. 594 00:42:30.214 --> 00:42:33.092 Uh, Frosty? 595 00:42:34.385 --> 00:42:35.845 Is-is that, uh... 596 00:42:35.845 --> 00:42:37.764 is that the naughty guy I met in the basement? 597 00:42:37.764 --> 00:42:39.474 Your-your friend is dead. 598 00:42:39.474 --> 00:42:42.727 Uh, he got a star in his face, then his head caught on fire. 599 00:42:42.727 --> 00:42:44.645 It's a long story. 600 00:42:44.645 --> 00:42:47.482 Oh. 601 00:42:47.482 --> 00:42:49.650 Is this... is this our Santy? 602 00:42:49.650 --> 00:42:52.570 Is this our... our Santy Claus? 603 00:42:52.570 --> 00:42:54.155 Yeah, it is. 604 00:42:54.947 --> 00:42:56.866 To whom am I speaking? 605 00:42:56.866 --> 00:42:58.868 Well, for tonight, I'm Mr. Scrooge. 606 00:42:58.868 --> 00:43:02.789 Now, what is it that you want exactly, Santa? 607 00:43:02.789 --> 00:43:05.333 I want you to put down your weapons, 608 00:43:05.333 --> 00:43:08.252 I want you to let this family go, 609 00:43:08.252 --> 00:43:10.129 and then I want to find my reindeer, 610 00:43:10.129 --> 00:43:12.632 and I want to continue delivering my presents. 611 00:43:15.384 --> 00:43:16.928 Are you fucking with me? 612 00:43:16.928 --> 00:43:19.222 All right, who the hell are you really, huh? 613 00:43:19.222 --> 00:43:21.849 Some security guard who's watched too many action flicks? 614 00:43:21.849 --> 00:43:24.310 Some loser ex-cop stuck in a mall 615 00:43:24.310 --> 00:43:26.562 playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap? 616 00:43:26.562 --> 00:43:27.980 Stop me when I get it right. 617 00:43:27.980 --> 00:43:30.274 It's a little more complicated than that. 618 00:43:30.274 --> 00:43:31.901 Not to me, it's not. 619 00:43:31.901 --> 00:43:33.903 'Cause I want to make it my personal mission, 620 00:43:33.903 --> 00:43:38.241 my holiday to-do list, to find you and to end you 621 00:43:38.241 --> 00:43:41.911 and to wipe my ass with you and this whole fucking holiday. 622 00:43:41.911 --> 00:43:44.455 That's what I want for Christmas, Santa. 623 00:43:44.455 --> 00:43:48.584 That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas. 624 00:43:48.584 --> 00:43:52.338 But maybe you and I should discuss that in person. 625 00:43:53.631 --> 00:43:56.300 Santa Claus is coming to town. 626 00:44:07.687 --> 00:44:09.146 Shit. 627 00:44:18.990 --> 00:44:20.324 All right, who did you hire 628 00:44:20.324 --> 00:44:22.994 to play Santa at your Christmas party, huh? 629 00:44:22.994 --> 00:44:25.037 - I said, who's playing Santa 630 00:44:25.037 --> 00:44:26.497 at your fucked-up Christmas party? 631 00:44:26.497 --> 00:44:29.417 I didn't hire a Santa. 632 00:44:29.417 --> 00:44:32.378 I never have a Santa. It's tacky. 633 00:44:32.378 --> 00:44:33.754 So, who is he? 634 00:44:36.591 --> 00:44:39.468 Huh? Who is he? 635 00:44:39.468 --> 00:44:41.012 Somebody better start talking, 636 00:44:41.012 --> 00:44:44.098 or I'm gonna bash her brains in with this... 637 00:44:44.098 --> 00:44:48.686 Damn, Gertrude. You really got a thing for nutcrackers, huh? 638 00:44:49.854 --> 00:44:53.733 So, I'm gonna torture everyone in your family 639 00:44:53.733 --> 00:44:56.819 until you tell me who's running around your mansion 640 00:44:56.819 --> 00:44:59.572 playing Santa and fucking with my shit. 641 00:44:59.572 --> 00:45:01.574 And who should I pick first? 642 00:45:01.574 --> 00:45:02.992 Should I go by age? 643 00:45:02.992 --> 00:45:04.660 - Shh. 644 00:45:04.660 --> 00:45:06.329 Or should I go by IQ? 645 00:45:06.329 --> 00:45:09.790 Pick Jason. He's my mom's favorite. 646 00:45:09.790 --> 00:45:11.834 - Yep. Him. - The one in the sweater. 647 00:45:11.834 --> 00:45:14.211 All right. Jason Lightstone it is. 648 00:45:14.211 --> 00:45:15.463 - The number one son. - No. 649 00:45:15.463 --> 00:45:16.964 Wait, wait, wait. No, we don't need... 650 00:45:16.964 --> 00:45:18.382 We don't need to do that. No, it's okay. 651 00:45:18.382 --> 00:45:20.551 No. No, no, no. We don't need to do this. 652 00:45:20.551 --> 00:45:21.761 No. No, no, no, no. 653 00:45:21.761 --> 00:45:23.262 Don't, don't, don't. 654 00:45:23.262 --> 00:45:25.556 - No, don't... Put it... Don't... No. - 655 00:45:25.556 --> 00:45:27.767 - No, no, no, no. No, no. - Give me this fucking... 656 00:45:36.776 --> 00:45:39.487 I'm telling you, no one hired a Santa. 657 00:45:39.487 --> 00:45:41.113 All right, all right, all right. You're right. 658 00:45:41.113 --> 00:45:42.156 You're right. Let's stop it. Let's stop it. 659 00:45:42.156 --> 00:45:44.283 What are we doing here? Come on. 660 00:45:44.283 --> 00:45:47.370 What are we, amateurs? We're half-assing this. 661 00:45:47.370 --> 00:45:50.498 Come on. It's not called a finger cracker. 662 00:45:51.707 --> 00:45:53.668 Okay, Candy Cane. 663 00:45:53.668 --> 00:45:55.044 Stick one of his bozaks in there. 664 00:45:55.044 --> 00:45:56.253 I'm not touching his balls. 665 00:45:56.253 --> 00:45:57.964 What, are you a princess all of a sudden? 666 00:45:57.964 --> 00:45:59.590 I've seen you scoop out brains before. 667 00:45:59.590 --> 00:46:01.050 You want me to scoop his brains out, 668 00:46:01.050 --> 00:46:02.593 I'll scoop his brains out right now, 669 00:46:02.593 --> 00:46:03.761 but I'm not touching his junk. 670 00:46:03.761 --> 00:46:05.179 I don't care who does it. 671 00:46:05.179 --> 00:46:06.764 I better be looking at flat balls, 672 00:46:06.764 --> 00:46:08.015 like, in three seconds. 673 00:46:08.015 --> 00:46:10.601 I'll do it. 674 00:46:10.601 --> 00:46:11.894 Krampus. Perfect. 675 00:46:11.894 --> 00:46:13.270 Oh, not that guy. Not that guy. 676 00:46:13.270 --> 00:46:14.772 That's what I love about sociopaths. 677 00:46:14.772 --> 00:46:16.065 Always up for trying new things. 678 00:46:16.065 --> 00:46:17.400 You don't need to do this, okay? 679 00:46:17.400 --> 00:46:19.318 No, it's all right. Um... Oh, no. 680 00:46:19.318 --> 00:46:21.862 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 681 00:46:21.862 --> 00:46:24.407 Oh, God. Oh, my God. 682 00:46:25.950 --> 00:46:27.576 Put your nuts in. 683 00:46:27.576 --> 00:46:28.953 Yummy, yummy. 684 00:46:28.953 --> 00:46:31.706 Stop hurting my daddy... 685 00:46:31.706 --> 00:46:34.125 or Santa will get mad. 686 00:46:34.959 --> 00:46:37.169 Ah, what a cutie. 687 00:46:37.169 --> 00:46:39.255 So, what do we know about Santa, little one? 688 00:46:39.255 --> 00:46:41.173 She doesn't know anything about Santa. 689 00:46:42.049 --> 00:46:43.801 He wasn't asking you. 690 00:46:43.801 --> 00:46:46.220 She's playing make-believe. 691 00:46:46.220 --> 00:46:48.472 She's pretending to talk to Santa. 692 00:46:48.472 --> 00:46:50.474 It's not pretend. Santa's my friend, 693 00:46:50.474 --> 00:46:52.393 and he said he's going to save us. 694 00:46:52.393 --> 00:46:53.477 No. 695 00:46:53.477 --> 00:46:55.730 - And beat you up. - Oh, is he? 696 00:46:55.730 --> 00:46:58.274 I bet he'd come out of hiding if you asked him to, huh? 697 00:46:58.274 --> 00:46:59.859 What do you say you come with me 698 00:46:59.859 --> 00:47:02.111 - and we play a little game with him, huh? -No, no, no. 699 00:47:02.111 --> 00:47:03.487 Trudy, come on. Tell him the truth now. 700 00:47:03.487 --> 00:47:05.322 - You aren't talking to Santa. - Yes, I am. 701 00:47:05.322 --> 00:47:06.657 No, you're not. Come on, now. 702 00:47:06.657 --> 00:47:09.493 - Yes, I am. -Damn it, Trudy, Santa isn't real! 703 00:47:17.710 --> 00:47:19.503 I'm sorry, honey. 704 00:47:20.463 --> 00:47:22.673 Santa's just a thing adults tell kids 705 00:47:22.673 --> 00:47:24.884 to make them feel better, okay? 706 00:47:26.886 --> 00:47:29.013 Your mommy and I give you the presents, 707 00:47:29.013 --> 00:47:31.015 and we say they're from Santa. 708 00:47:32.183 --> 00:47:33.768 He's not coming to save us. 709 00:47:33.768 --> 00:47:35.978 He doesn't exist. 710 00:47:35.978 --> 00:47:38.397 It's all made-up. 711 00:47:39.940 --> 00:47:41.734 - Really? - Aw. 712 00:47:41.734 --> 00:47:44.570 What a way to find out that there's no Santa. 713 00:47:44.570 --> 00:47:46.614 Hey, let's come back Easter and ruin the Easter Bunny 714 00:47:46.614 --> 00:47:48.783 - for her, too, huh? 715 00:47:48.783 --> 00:47:50.201 - Trudy! - Come back here! 716 00:47:50.201 --> 00:47:51.660 - Stop her! - Trudy! -Hey! 717 00:47:51.660 --> 00:47:53.162 You idiots, stay at your posts. 718 00:47:53.162 --> 00:47:54.622 Trudy! 719 00:47:54.622 --> 00:47:56.957 I'll find this little brat. 720 00:49:03.065 --> 00:49:04.483 Okay. 721 00:49:33.095 --> 00:49:36.098 Santa. Santa. 722 00:49:36.098 --> 00:49:37.975 - Santa! 723 00:49:39.643 --> 00:49:41.478 This is Trudy. 724 00:49:42.313 --> 00:49:45.482 - Are you okay, Santa? 725 00:49:47.568 --> 00:49:48.986 Hi. Hey. 726 00:49:48.986 --> 00:49:50.821 Are you okay? 727 00:49:50.821 --> 00:49:52.656 I'm good. Uh... 728 00:49:52.656 --> 00:49:55.034 I was just wrapping something up. 729 00:49:55.034 --> 00:49:57.244 I ran away and hid in the attic. 730 00:49:57.244 --> 00:50:00.497 Okay. If you're safe... 731 00:50:00.497 --> 00:50:03.500 uh, just stay there and, uh, stay quiet, all right? 732 00:50:03.500 --> 00:50:08.339 Okay. I can set up booby traps, like in Home Alone. 733 00:50:08.339 --> 00:50:10.007 Okay, I don't know what that means, 734 00:50:10.007 --> 00:50:11.717 but, uh, yeah, do that. 735 00:50:11.717 --> 00:50:13.636 Just do it quietly. 736 00:50:15.012 --> 00:50:17.014 Are you really Santa? 737 00:50:20.851 --> 00:50:22.853 Of course I am, sweetheart. 738 00:50:23.729 --> 00:50:26.607 My daddy says there isn't any Santa. 739 00:50:28.025 --> 00:50:31.237 He says parents just tell their kids that Santa's real 740 00:50:31.237 --> 00:50:32.947 to make them feel better. 741 00:50:32.947 --> 00:50:35.824 He said they give us presents 742 00:50:35.824 --> 00:50:38.118 and say they're from Santa. 743 00:50:38.118 --> 00:50:40.246 Yeah. 744 00:50:40.246 --> 00:50:42.498 Yeah, a lot of parents say that. 745 00:50:42.498 --> 00:50:46.543 But I still bring presents to kids that need me. 746 00:50:47.836 --> 00:50:50.130 Kids who really believe. 747 00:50:51.382 --> 00:50:54.301 How do you know who really needs you? 748 00:50:54.301 --> 00:50:56.512 Christmas magic. 749 00:50:56.512 --> 00:50:58.806 I'm not really sure how it works. 750 00:51:06.605 --> 00:51:08.899 But, uh... 751 00:51:11.068 --> 00:51:14.196 I remember, um... 752 00:51:14.196 --> 00:51:16.115 when Trudy Lightstone wrote to me. 753 00:51:16.115 --> 00:51:18.534 She must have been about six years old, 754 00:51:18.534 --> 00:51:22.371 and she said that she felt lonely sometimes. 755 00:51:22.371 --> 00:51:24.790 She missed having a best friend. 756 00:51:24.790 --> 00:51:26.125 And so I brought her 757 00:51:26.125 --> 00:51:28.002 a beautiful little stuffed rabbit. 758 00:51:28.002 --> 00:51:29.378 Mr. Bunny. 759 00:51:29.378 --> 00:51:31.338 And then I remember the next year, 760 00:51:31.338 --> 00:51:33.465 and you said you had this amazing dream 761 00:51:33.465 --> 00:51:37.511 and that, afterwards, all you wanted to do was... 762 00:51:37.511 --> 00:51:38.762 To fly! 763 00:51:38.762 --> 00:51:41.181 To fly. To fly. 764 00:51:42.433 --> 00:51:46.895 I mean, Santa might have some magic, but... 765 00:51:46.895 --> 00:51:50.607 making a little girl fly? 766 00:51:52.776 --> 00:51:56.864 But giving you a kite, 767 00:51:56.864 --> 00:52:00.326 floating just beneath the clouds, 768 00:52:00.326 --> 00:52:03.162 well, it's about as good as it gets. 769 00:52:03.162 --> 00:52:05.039 I knew it. 770 00:52:05.039 --> 00:52:07.416 I knew you were real, Santa. 771 00:52:09.960 --> 00:52:13.130 Don't be too hard on your parents, all right? 772 00:52:14.882 --> 00:52:17.718 Grown-ups have a hard time believing things. 773 00:52:18.552 --> 00:52:20.846 Can you use your Christmas magic 774 00:52:20.846 --> 00:52:23.182 to make them love each other again? 775 00:52:23.182 --> 00:52:25.726 I wish I had that kind of power. 776 00:52:26.518 --> 00:52:30.272 Mrs. Claus and I have been going on year, uh, 777 00:52:30.272 --> 00:52:32.566 1,100, and... 778 00:52:33.442 --> 00:52:36.278 Grown-up relationships are complicated. 779 00:52:37.112 --> 00:52:39.323 It takes work. 780 00:52:39.323 --> 00:52:41.450 A lot of work. 781 00:52:43.577 --> 00:52:45.996 Do you still love her? 782 00:52:45.996 --> 00:52:47.831 Yeah, I do. 783 00:52:48.791 --> 00:52:52.336 And sometimes, even if you want to make somebody happy... 784 00:52:53.545 --> 00:52:55.839 ...the magic just goes away. 785 00:52:57.883 --> 00:53:00.219 Hey. 786 00:53:00.219 --> 00:53:02.012 I've got an idea. 787 00:53:02.012 --> 00:53:03.639 This will be fun. 788 00:53:04.681 --> 00:53:07.935 Why don't you guys open your presents? 789 00:53:07.935 --> 00:53:12.231 I want to see what you rich assholes get each other. 790 00:53:12.231 --> 00:53:18.195 And some of you might not make it till tomorrow morning, 791 00:53:18.195 --> 00:53:21.198 so this could be your only chance. 792 00:53:22.032 --> 00:53:23.492 Come on. 793 00:53:23.492 --> 00:53:26.245 Where's the Christmas spirit? 794 00:53:27.788 --> 00:53:29.873 Uh... 795 00:53:30.749 --> 00:53:35.170 Gertrude, uh, I got you something pretty special. 796 00:53:35.170 --> 00:53:36.505 Did you hear that, Gertrude? 797 00:53:36.505 --> 00:53:38.465 He got you something amazing. 798 00:53:38.465 --> 00:53:41.385 Oh, what could it be? 799 00:53:41.385 --> 00:53:43.804 Oh, my God, this is exciting. 800 00:53:43.804 --> 00:53:46.014 Mom. 801 00:53:46.014 --> 00:53:47.724 Can I call you Mom? 802 00:53:48.934 --> 00:53:50.561 Mrs. Lightstone. 803 00:53:52.396 --> 00:53:55.774 Okay, so in the business, they call this... 804 00:53:56.775 --> 00:53:58.235 ...a pitch deck. 805 00:53:59.153 --> 00:54:00.237 - Pitch deck. - Yeah. 806 00:54:00.237 --> 00:54:02.030 It's called Explosive Force. 807 00:54:02.030 --> 00:54:03.574 Starring me. 808 00:54:03.574 --> 00:54:05.325 And if you look in the back, 809 00:54:05.325 --> 00:54:08.787 there are the financial numbers. 810 00:54:08.787 --> 00:54:12.332 I'm kind of a big deal in Asia. 811 00:54:13.584 --> 00:54:15.752 Parts of Asia, at least. 812 00:54:15.752 --> 00:54:17.838 We were in parts of Asia once, and, like, 813 00:54:17.838 --> 00:54:19.590 we couldn't even go to a restaurant. 814 00:54:19.590 --> 00:54:23.093 Ah, what is there a better gift than... 815 00:54:23.093 --> 00:54:26.430 gift of a golden opportunity? 816 00:54:27.764 --> 00:54:30.017 Oh, no. 817 00:54:31.268 --> 00:54:33.729 Granny doesn't like it. 818 00:54:33.729 --> 00:54:36.356 Mother, I got you something really special. 819 00:54:42.613 --> 00:54:45.282 It's a sentimental photo of the day I was born. 820 00:54:45.282 --> 00:54:47.326 I remember. 821 00:54:47.326 --> 00:54:48.702 I was there. 822 00:54:48.702 --> 00:54:50.954 She doesn't give a shit. 823 00:54:53.415 --> 00:54:55.125 - Swing and miss again! 824 00:54:55.125 --> 00:54:56.418 This is so fun. 825 00:54:56.418 --> 00:54:57.628 Mommy, how about another one? 826 00:54:57.628 --> 00:54:59.338 I got you a lot of good things. 827 00:54:59.338 --> 00:55:01.381 - I'll grab one. - Alva, Alva, sit down. 828 00:55:01.381 --> 00:55:03.133 You've already given me one. It's... 829 00:55:03.133 --> 00:55:04.384 It's Jason's turn. 830 00:55:04.384 --> 00:55:05.802 Uh... 831 00:55:05.802 --> 00:55:09.264 I th... I-I think I left it in the car. 832 00:55:09.264 --> 00:55:11.517 No, I-I saw you put one under the tree earlier. 833 00:55:11.517 --> 00:55:13.894 - No. It's in the... - Yeah, I did. 834 00:55:13.894 --> 00:55:16.980 I could've sworn. You know what, it's, uh... 835 00:55:16.980 --> 00:55:19.066 Y-You don't... you don't... you don't... you... 836 00:55:19.066 --> 00:55:21.693 It's this one, right? Yeah, I got you, bro. 837 00:55:21.693 --> 00:55:23.153 Come on. 838 00:55:24.905 --> 00:55:26.949 Thank you. 839 00:55:27.991 --> 00:55:30.202 It's my favorite whiskey. 840 00:55:30.202 --> 00:55:32.871 You can skip the note. 841 00:55:56.228 --> 00:55:57.980 Thank you, Jason. 842 00:56:03.360 --> 00:56:05.696 What's the card say? 843 00:56:05.696 --> 00:56:08.615 I think I'll just keep that between Jason and I. 844 00:56:08.615 --> 00:56:12.744 No one really needs to know. Right, Jason? 845 00:56:15.205 --> 00:56:16.915 Right. 846 00:56:17.874 --> 00:56:20.252 Did you ever have a mommy and daddy? 847 00:56:22.045 --> 00:56:24.089 Yeah, of course I had a mommy and daddy. 848 00:56:24.089 --> 00:56:27.759 I wasn't... I wasn't always Santa Claus. 849 00:56:28.594 --> 00:56:30.887 I had a life before this. 850 00:56:31.805 --> 00:56:34.558 A long, long, long time ago. 851 00:56:38.729 --> 00:56:41.857 They used to call me, uh... 852 00:56:41.857 --> 00:56:43.775 Nicomund. 853 00:56:47.529 --> 00:56:49.156 Nicomund the Red. 854 00:56:50.741 --> 00:56:53.493 You had a different job then? 855 00:56:53.493 --> 00:56:56.246 Yeah, you could say that. 856 00:56:56.246 --> 00:56:58.123 I was a warrior. 857 00:56:58.123 --> 00:57:00.208 A raider. A thief. 858 00:57:00.208 --> 00:57:04.004 - And if somebody got in my way, 859 00:57:04.004 --> 00:57:05.756 me and Skullcrusher would... 860 00:57:05.756 --> 00:57:07.424 Who's Skullcrusher? 861 00:57:08.258 --> 00:57:11.386 Skullcrusher's my, uh... 862 00:57:11.386 --> 00:57:14.097 my hammer. 863 00:57:14.097 --> 00:57:16.350 My favorite hammer. 864 00:57:16.350 --> 00:57:18.727 I was a surgeon with that thing. 865 00:57:18.727 --> 00:57:21.188 Used to be able to take three heads, line 'em up... 866 00:57:22.773 --> 00:57:25.359 But why? 867 00:57:25.359 --> 00:57:26.818 What? 868 00:57:26.818 --> 00:57:29.446 Why'd you do those things? 869 00:57:31.406 --> 00:57:33.492 Because I was mean. 870 00:57:34.660 --> 00:57:36.787 And I was greedy. 871 00:57:38.622 --> 00:57:41.416 And I wanted gold, jewels. 872 00:57:41.416 --> 00:57:44.127 Yeah, I mean, if there was a naughty list back then, 873 00:57:44.127 --> 00:57:46.129 I'd be top dog. 874 00:57:47.714 --> 00:57:49.841 Well, maybe... 875 00:57:50.842 --> 00:57:52.052 What? 876 00:57:52.052 --> 00:57:54.179 Maybe all those bad things you used to do... 877 00:57:55.263 --> 00:57:58.558 ...maybe you can use them to do good things instead. 878 00:57:59.351 --> 00:58:01.645 To help. 879 00:58:01.645 --> 00:58:03.563 What do you mean? 880 00:58:03.563 --> 00:58:07.943 Mr. Bunny, he wasn't just a toy. 881 00:58:07.943 --> 00:58:11.363 That night, you gave me what I wished for. 882 00:58:11.363 --> 00:58:13.240 A best friend. 883 00:58:14.282 --> 00:58:16.910 'Cause you're good and kind. 884 00:58:16.910 --> 00:58:20.497 And you mean more than just the presents you bring. 885 00:58:20.497 --> 00:58:23.166 That's why I believe in you, Santa. 886 00:58:23.166 --> 00:58:25.585 That's why I believe. 887 00:58:31.174 --> 00:58:32.843 Thank you. 888 00:58:34.678 --> 00:58:38.640 You stay hidden, Trudy, till I come get you. 889 00:58:38.640 --> 00:58:40.559 Stay safe. 890 00:58:41.518 --> 00:58:44.438 All right, we got satellite confirmation. 891 00:58:44.438 --> 00:58:46.565 Extraction team's on the go. 892 00:58:46.565 --> 00:58:48.859 30 minutes. 893 00:58:48.859 --> 00:58:50.527 We're on schedule. 894 00:58:50.527 --> 00:58:51.945 Everything's good. 895 00:58:51.945 --> 00:58:53.530 - All right, fellas. 896 00:58:53.530 --> 00:58:54.948 Look alive, look alive. 897 00:58:54.948 --> 00:58:56.867 You all know the plan, 898 00:58:56.867 --> 00:59:00.245 and I like my operations 899 00:59:00.245 --> 00:59:03.039 hard and fast with minimal cleanup. 900 00:59:03.039 --> 00:59:07.586 Now, some idiot gets in your way, what do you do? 901 00:59:07.586 --> 00:59:09.671 Fuck their shit up right! 902 00:59:09.671 --> 00:59:11.339 Damn right. 903 00:59:12.132 --> 00:59:14.843 - Time to lube up. 904 00:59:15.969 --> 00:59:18.680 Let's go, motherfuckers! Let's go! 905 00:59:24.603 --> 00:59:26.855 This fucking family. 906 00:59:46.124 --> 00:59:48.376 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 907 00:59:48.376 --> 00:59:50.170 - Merry Christmas. 908 00:59:50.170 --> 00:59:51.421 Happy holidays. 909 00:59:51.421 --> 00:59:52.547 Traitor. 910 00:59:54.007 --> 00:59:56.009 I got him in the east wing. 911 00:59:56.009 --> 00:59:58.470 All right, we're on our way. Hold him. 912 01:00:11.775 --> 01:00:13.777 Step aside. 913 01:00:27.290 --> 01:00:30.085 Now, how did this tired, old, 914 01:00:30.085 --> 01:00:32.754 fat piece of shit get the drop on us? 915 01:00:32.754 --> 01:00:34.214 I don't know. 916 01:00:34.214 --> 01:00:36.216 He's not even armed. 917 01:00:36.216 --> 01:00:38.635 This bag is the only thing he had on him. 918 01:00:38.635 --> 01:00:40.053 What's in there? 919 01:00:40.804 --> 01:00:42.848 Can't see anything. 920 01:00:46.935 --> 01:00:48.395 Here, give it to me. 921 01:00:59.489 --> 01:01:01.992 What kind of moron... 922 01:01:01.992 --> 01:01:04.244 carries a chess set with him? 923 01:01:07.873 --> 01:01:09.416 What the fuck? 924 01:01:09.416 --> 01:01:11.960 Doesn't make any sense. Look at all this shit. 925 01:01:19.175 --> 01:01:22.178 So, you're gonna tell us what's the gimmick with the bag? 926 01:01:22.178 --> 01:01:23.847 It's magic. 927 01:01:23.847 --> 01:01:26.766 You put your hand in, out comes a present. 928 01:01:28.351 --> 01:01:31.104 I don't really understand how it works, either. 929 01:01:32.480 --> 01:01:35.525 So, you're Mr. Scrooge. 930 01:01:35.525 --> 01:01:37.527 That's right. 931 01:01:37.527 --> 01:01:39.321 But who are you? 932 01:01:39.321 --> 01:01:41.364 Weihnachtsmann. 933 01:01:42.741 --> 01:01:44.701 Julenissen. 934 01:01:45.577 --> 01:01:47.495 Shèngdàn Laorén. 935 01:01:48.330 --> 01:01:51.541 Babbo Natale, Père Noel, Kris Kringle. 936 01:01:51.541 --> 01:01:54.044 Jolly old Saint Nick. 937 01:01:54.044 --> 01:01:57.088 People call me a lot of things. 938 01:01:57.923 --> 01:02:00.550 Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. 939 01:02:00.550 --> 01:02:02.928 Or should I say, "Ho, ho, ho"? 940 01:02:02.928 --> 01:02:06.514 If you're Santa, where's your reindeer? 941 01:02:06.514 --> 01:02:08.350 They were on the roof 942 01:02:08.350 --> 01:02:10.977 until that guy I turned into an ice kebab just... 943 01:02:13.605 --> 01:02:15.231 You don't believe me? 944 01:02:15.231 --> 01:02:16.358 Go check. 945 01:02:16.358 --> 01:02:19.110 Prancer left a tasty log up there. 946 01:02:19.110 --> 01:02:20.946 This fucking guy. 947 01:02:20.946 --> 01:02:22.656 You don't think... 948 01:02:22.656 --> 01:02:25.825 Now, I know you're an idiot, but don't be an idiot out loud. 949 01:02:25.825 --> 01:02:27.911 Come on, he's just in Santy Claus 950 01:02:27.911 --> 01:02:29.913 with a fucking trick bag. 951 01:02:29.913 --> 01:02:31.915 Oh, no! 952 01:02:31.915 --> 01:02:33.750 That bag was full of kids' dreams! 953 01:02:33.750 --> 01:02:35.543 Oh, come on. 954 01:02:35.543 --> 01:02:37.837 Everybody knows that Christmas dreams are bullshit. 955 01:02:38.630 --> 01:02:41.257 My father used to make a big deal out of it 956 01:02:41.257 --> 01:02:43.051 every Christmas. 957 01:02:43.051 --> 01:02:45.220 Every freaking Christmas with the presents 958 01:02:45.220 --> 01:02:47.430 and the candy and the decorations 959 01:02:47.430 --> 01:02:51.226 and the Christmas caroling and all that bullshit. 960 01:02:52.602 --> 01:02:54.896 And then when I was... 961 01:02:54.896 --> 01:02:58.316 I don't know, ten, 11, 962 01:02:58.316 --> 01:03:00.276 he got laid off, and that Christmas, 963 01:03:00.276 --> 01:03:01.778 couldn't even afford a tree. 964 01:03:01.778 --> 01:03:03.321 No Christmas dinner, no gifts. 965 01:03:03.321 --> 01:03:05.949 Nothing, nada, culo, dick. 966 01:03:06.741 --> 01:03:08.118 But our neighbors... 967 01:03:08.118 --> 01:03:09.995 our neighbors, oh, they had it all. 968 01:03:09.995 --> 01:03:11.788 I could see all that yuletide cheer 969 01:03:11.788 --> 01:03:14.332 through their window mocking me. 970 01:03:14.332 --> 01:03:18.253 So Christmas Eve rolls around, and... 971 01:03:18.253 --> 01:03:21.297 I waited for everybody to go to bed. 972 01:03:21.297 --> 01:03:24.634 And then I snuck in there to take it all. 973 01:03:25.635 --> 01:03:28.179 Only problem was that the gramps got up to take a piss 974 01:03:28.179 --> 01:03:30.598 and the two of us scared the shit out of each other. 975 01:03:30.598 --> 01:03:33.643 And, um, he fell down the stairs 976 01:03:33.643 --> 01:03:38.189 and-and broke his neck, and he died in the hospital. 977 01:03:38.189 --> 01:03:39.816 Everybody thought that I did it, 978 01:03:39.816 --> 01:03:41.317 and every time I tried to tell them, 979 01:03:41.317 --> 01:03:43.820 I tried to tell them that... 980 01:03:45.280 --> 01:03:47.657 Anyway, maybe I did do it. 981 01:03:47.657 --> 01:03:49.701 Maybe I did push him. 982 01:03:49.701 --> 01:03:51.494 Poor old fucker. 983 01:03:51.494 --> 01:03:54.998 So, you see, Christmas ruined my life. 984 01:03:54.998 --> 01:03:56.666 Okay? But you know what? 985 01:03:56.666 --> 01:03:58.001 It set me on the path 986 01:03:58.001 --> 01:04:00.045 and made me the great man that I am today. 987 01:04:00.045 --> 01:04:02.088 I'm sorry, Jimmy. 988 01:04:02.881 --> 01:04:04.424 I really am. 989 01:04:05.258 --> 01:04:07.302 But I do gifts. I do Christmas cheer. 990 01:04:07.302 --> 01:04:09.512 I don't get involved in people's lives. 991 01:04:09.512 --> 01:04:13.391 Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, maybe you fucking should! 992 01:04:17.896 --> 01:04:21.066 Um, how did he know your name? 993 01:04:21.066 --> 01:04:22.776 Oh, Bjorn. 994 01:04:22.776 --> 01:04:24.903 What's your excuse? 995 01:04:24.903 --> 01:04:26.488 Huh? 996 01:04:26.488 --> 01:04:29.824 Didn't I get you that Huffy bike you wanted back in '82? 997 01:04:29.824 --> 01:04:33.036 One you wrote me 50 times about! 998 01:04:33.036 --> 01:04:34.537 What about you, Kira? 999 01:04:34.537 --> 01:04:37.707 Well, you made your brother eat worms. 1000 01:04:37.707 --> 01:04:39.209 That's naughty! 1001 01:04:39.209 --> 01:04:41.127 Okay, how does he know about my bike? 1002 01:04:41.127 --> 01:04:44.547 "Hey, do you like big tits?" 1003 01:04:44.547 --> 01:04:46.758 Come on, every kid wants a fucking bike. 1004 01:04:46.758 --> 01:04:49.886 - You're gonna tell me who you work for... -Oh, Christ. No. 1005 01:04:49.886 --> 01:04:53.181 ...then you've got five seconds to tell me who you really are. 1006 01:04:53.181 --> 01:04:56.017 Five, four, three, two... 1007 01:04:56.017 --> 01:04:57.727 I'm Santa Claus! 1008 01:04:57.727 --> 01:05:00.021 Well, not anymore. 1009 01:05:24.921 --> 01:05:26.756 Is it snowing? 1010 01:05:26.756 --> 01:05:30.176 Is he doing this with Santa magic? 1011 01:05:36.683 --> 01:05:39.060 Let it snow! 1012 01:05:50.780 --> 01:05:52.782 It's not snow. 1013 01:05:52.782 --> 01:05:54.117 It's Styrofoam. 1014 01:05:54.117 --> 01:05:56.369 I told you this guy's a big phony. 1015 01:06:10.800 --> 01:06:12.677 Where'd he go? 1016 01:06:12.677 --> 01:06:14.304 He went up the chimney. 1017 01:06:14.304 --> 01:06:15.972 - I saw it. - I don't know, 1018 01:06:15.972 --> 01:06:17.807 he had a rig or some pulley system 1019 01:06:17.807 --> 01:06:19.809 - that just yanked him up. - You can't fit up there. 1020 01:06:19.809 --> 01:06:21.519 - It's impossible. - Oh, you see one weird thing, 1021 01:06:21.519 --> 01:06:23.855 and then you think you're in a fairy tale? 1022 01:06:23.855 --> 01:06:25.148 Incoming. 1023 01:06:25.148 --> 01:06:26.024 We've got sleigh bells approaching. 1024 01:06:26.024 --> 01:06:27.817 Oh, my God. 1025 01:06:27.817 --> 01:06:29.694 It's his reindeer. 1026 01:06:31.321 --> 01:06:33.323 - It's the extraction team. 1027 01:06:33.323 --> 01:06:35.533 Pull yourselves together! 1028 01:06:50.465 --> 01:06:54.761 And that is the sound of my Kill Squad. 1029 01:06:56.221 --> 01:06:58.306 Oh, you're fizzity-fucked now. 1030 01:06:58.306 --> 01:07:00.516 Huh? What are you gonna do? You little elf bitch. 1031 01:07:00.516 --> 01:07:01.976 Fu... 1032 01:07:01.976 --> 01:07:03.144 Bertie. 1033 01:07:03.144 --> 01:07:04.687 Hashtag "blessed." 1034 01:07:07.732 --> 01:07:10.360 Yeah! 1035 01:07:10.360 --> 01:07:11.361 Parkour. 1036 01:07:11.361 --> 01:07:12.528 Kill him, babe! 1037 01:07:12.528 --> 01:07:15.198 -Oh! 1038 01:07:16.074 --> 01:07:17.700 Morgan's gonna save us. 1039 01:07:19.452 --> 01:07:23.206 Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie. 1040 01:07:30.213 --> 01:07:32.215 Hold your fire. 1041 01:07:32.215 --> 01:07:33.841 Barrel roll! 1042 01:07:35.551 --> 01:07:36.844 Easy, easy. 1043 01:07:36.844 --> 01:07:38.763 -Yeah! - Easy. 1044 01:07:38.763 --> 01:07:40.056 Identify yourself. 1045 01:07:40.056 --> 01:07:42.433 I'm one of the hostages. 1046 01:07:42.433 --> 01:07:45.561 Morgan Steel, the actor. 1047 01:07:45.561 --> 01:07:48.564 Played a lot of soldiers in my career. 1048 01:07:48.564 --> 01:07:52.151 Can I just say, thank you for your service. Semper fi. 1049 01:07:52.986 --> 01:07:54.904 What's the situation inside? 1050 01:07:54.904 --> 01:07:57.323 Bunch of ex-military guys, 1051 01:07:57.323 --> 01:07:59.325 but I got to warn you, they know you're coming. 1052 01:07:59.325 --> 01:08:00.994 I think they're ready for you. 1053 01:08:00.994 --> 01:08:02.829 They better be. 1054 01:08:02.829 --> 01:08:04.914 We're on a tight schedule. 1055 01:08:04.914 --> 01:08:06.749 Shit. 1056 01:08:10.086 --> 01:08:12.213 Oh, f... 1057 01:08:12.213 --> 01:08:15.508 - All right, let's move out. - Let's move out. 1058 01:08:19.679 --> 01:08:21.306 Come on. 1059 01:08:21.306 --> 01:08:23.516 You got to be kidding me. 1060 01:08:23.516 --> 01:08:25.226 Hey, Thorp, you're ten minutes late. 1061 01:08:25.226 --> 01:08:26.602 What kept you? 1062 01:08:26.602 --> 01:08:28.938 Looks to me like your net's got a hole in it. 1063 01:08:28.938 --> 01:08:31.399 Or are you just letting your hostages out for some exercise? 1064 01:08:31.399 --> 01:08:33.651 No, no, no. We got a wild gopher running around 1065 01:08:33.651 --> 01:08:36.237 complicating shit and causing problems. 1066 01:08:36.237 --> 01:08:37.822 Who? Lightstone security? 1067 01:08:37.822 --> 01:08:39.407 Nah, I don't think so. Some intruder dressed as Santa. 1068 01:08:39.407 --> 01:08:40.825 But I'm telling you, I'm telling you, 1069 01:08:40.825 --> 01:08:43.036 there's something weird about him. 1070 01:08:43.036 --> 01:08:44.662 Might be the real Santa. 1071 01:08:44.662 --> 01:08:47.123 - The fuck did she just say? - Nothing, nothing. 1072 01:08:47.123 --> 01:08:48.207 She's joking. 1073 01:08:48.207 --> 01:08:50.710 My squad will take care of it. 1074 01:08:53.087 --> 01:08:55.798 Beta Team, go find this asshole. 1075 01:08:55.798 --> 01:08:57.800 Go. 1076 01:08:57.800 --> 01:09:02.138 Now, let's unwrap our present, shall we? 1077 01:09:02.138 --> 01:09:04.390 All right, you heard the man. 1078 01:09:04.390 --> 01:09:07.018 Time to kill Santa. 1079 01:09:07.018 --> 01:09:09.479 I've got him. He's on the roof. 1080 01:09:09.479 --> 01:09:11.773 Roger that. I got eyes on him. 1081 01:09:29.165 --> 01:09:31.167 Right, Sugarplum. Hit that button. 1082 01:09:38.132 --> 01:09:40.009 Here we go. 1083 01:09:40.009 --> 01:09:41.386 Our skeleton key. 1084 01:09:41.386 --> 01:09:43.262 The "open" magic stick. 1085 01:09:43.262 --> 01:09:44.972 This better fucking work. 1086 01:09:44.972 --> 01:09:47.642 I'm flushing my career for this, my reputation. 1087 01:09:47.642 --> 01:09:50.436 Yeah, well, then you can buy yourself a new rep. 1088 01:09:59.362 --> 01:10:00.863 As a kid, I loved 1089 01:10:00.863 --> 01:10:02.907 unwrapping Christmas presents so much 1090 01:10:02.907 --> 01:10:05.868 that my mom would wrap empty boxes for me. 1091 01:10:06.786 --> 01:10:09.205 I didn't care that nothing was inside. 1092 01:10:21.175 --> 01:10:23.761 Is this a fucking joke? 1093 01:10:23.761 --> 01:10:24.971 No. 1094 01:10:26.347 --> 01:10:28.266 You said it would fucking be here! 1095 01:10:28.266 --> 01:10:31.894 I'm telling you, my intel was rock solid. 1096 01:10:31.894 --> 01:10:34.188 I had guys on the inside. 1097 01:10:35.231 --> 01:10:38.943 300 million in cash was delivered here yesterday 1098 01:10:38.943 --> 01:10:41.237 to this fucking mansion. 1099 01:10:46.242 --> 01:10:48.911 Somebody must've intercepted it. 1100 01:10:52.915 --> 01:10:54.959 Son of a bitch. 1101 01:11:17.356 --> 01:11:18.900 Oh, shit. 1102 01:11:18.900 --> 01:11:21.444 Santa, you okay? 1103 01:11:21.444 --> 01:11:23.029 Santa. 1104 01:11:23.029 --> 01:11:25.323 A bunch of new bad guys showed up. 1105 01:11:25.323 --> 01:11:27.116 They're on the naughty list. 1106 01:11:27.116 --> 01:11:30.119 They got their gadgets and their gizmos on them. 1107 01:11:30.953 --> 01:11:33.539 I'm sorry. I think this is it, kid. 1108 01:11:33.539 --> 01:11:35.333 No, no, don't say that. 1109 01:11:35.333 --> 01:11:37.335 The naughty list... 1110 01:11:37.335 --> 01:11:39.754 just grows and grows. 1111 01:11:48.471 --> 01:11:52.308 He's in that structure. Body cams on. 1112 01:11:52.308 --> 01:11:54.393 Don't give up. 1113 01:11:54.393 --> 01:11:56.979 You make a wish this time, Santa. 1114 01:11:56.979 --> 01:11:58.606 Just this once. 1115 01:11:58.606 --> 01:12:01.526 If you could have anything in this world, 1116 01:12:01.526 --> 01:12:03.778 what would it be? 1117 01:12:09.492 --> 01:12:12.537 I wish I could see Mrs. Claus again, 1118 01:12:12.537 --> 01:12:15.665 tell her how much I love her. 1119 01:12:15.665 --> 01:12:18.501 Then you make that wish come true. 1120 01:12:18.501 --> 01:12:20.670 - Oh, shit. 1121 01:12:20.670 --> 01:12:23.005 No, no, no, no. No, no. 1122 01:12:24.757 --> 01:12:26.175 Oh, God. 1123 01:12:26.175 --> 01:12:29.011 No. 1124 01:12:41.399 --> 01:12:44.402 You said these guys, they're naughty. 1125 01:12:44.402 --> 01:12:47.363 And what do you do to the naughty ones? 1126 01:12:47.363 --> 01:12:49.240 I give them a lump of coal. 1127 01:12:49.240 --> 01:12:51.492 Yeah. Give them their lumps. 1128 01:12:52.702 --> 01:12:54.996 Take that coal and shove it straight up their... 1129 01:12:54.996 --> 01:12:57.248 - Anuses. - Yeah! 1130 01:13:03.212 --> 01:13:04.880 They're right outside. 1131 01:13:19.061 --> 01:13:21.564 Santa's gonna eat through these guys 1132 01:13:21.564 --> 01:13:23.691 like a plate full of cookies. 1133 01:13:28.237 --> 01:13:29.614 Move, move. 1134 01:13:33.284 --> 01:13:35.077 Hey, lock it up. 1135 01:13:36.996 --> 01:13:38.831 Lights down. 1136 01:13:39.999 --> 01:13:41.917 Stay at my back. 1137 01:13:41.917 --> 01:13:44.045 All right, we got this, boys. 1138 01:14:02.897 --> 01:14:05.274 All right, where the fuck is my money?! 1139 01:14:05.274 --> 01:14:07.652 Where's the money?! 1140 01:14:18.287 --> 01:14:21.207 All right, I've been a sweetheart up to now. 1141 01:14:21.207 --> 01:14:22.667 But that's all over. 1142 01:14:22.667 --> 01:14:24.460 No more fucking games! 1143 01:14:24.460 --> 01:14:25.961 Where's the money? 1144 01:14:25.961 --> 01:14:29.006 Or I will shoot every last one of you and enjoy it. 1145 01:14:33.135 --> 01:14:35.888 - It's in the vault. - I just looked in the vault. 1146 01:14:35.888 --> 01:14:37.306 Had the money been in there, 1147 01:14:37.306 --> 01:14:39.141 I'd have a different expression on my face. 1148 01:14:39.141 --> 01:14:40.518 Impossible. 1149 01:14:40.518 --> 01:14:42.603 Takes days to get into that thing. 1150 01:14:42.603 --> 01:14:46.107 Not if we have the key, Mrs. Lightstone. 1151 01:14:47.483 --> 01:14:49.527 Thorp. 1152 01:14:50.903 --> 01:14:53.489 You can't trust anyone these days. 1153 01:14:53.489 --> 01:14:55.658 I'm not sure how, but you 1154 01:14:55.658 --> 01:14:58.536 or one of your shithead kids moved the money. 1155 01:14:58.536 --> 01:15:00.413 And this upsets me. 1156 01:15:00.413 --> 01:15:02.248 It upsets me 1157 01:15:02.248 --> 01:15:06.252 in a way that makes me want to just randomly shoot at people. 1158 01:15:07.253 --> 01:15:09.463 Hold on. Just... Sorry. 1159 01:15:09.463 --> 01:15:10.881 - Um... - What? What? 1160 01:15:10.881 --> 01:15:12.258 Uh, what if you randomly shoot 1161 01:15:12.258 --> 01:15:14.844 the only person who knows where it is? 1162 01:15:15.845 --> 01:15:18.180 Oh, fuck you people! 1163 01:15:52.840 --> 01:15:54.425 Suck on this. 1164 01:16:19.408 --> 01:16:20.910 I need some feedback, guys. 1165 01:16:22.495 --> 01:16:24.455 Guys, what the hell is going on? 1166 01:17:09.458 --> 01:17:10.876 - What's that? - Huh? 1167 01:17:49.874 --> 01:17:52.001 Jesus Christ. 1168 01:17:52.751 --> 01:17:55.170 Nope. Just jolly old Saint Nick. 1169 01:18:07.725 --> 01:18:10.477 -Oh, God! - There you go. 1170 01:18:10.477 --> 01:18:12.187 A little stocking stuffer. 1171 01:18:12.980 --> 01:18:16.567 Where is it? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1172 01:18:16.567 --> 01:18:19.028 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1173 01:18:19.028 --> 01:18:21.739 - I got to watch. - Fuck! 1174 01:18:22.865 --> 01:18:25.075 Ho-Ho-Holy shit. 1175 01:18:27.369 --> 01:18:30.080 Gertrude would never trust anybody 1176 01:18:30.080 --> 01:18:32.541 who wasn't blood with this kind of info. 1177 01:18:32.541 --> 01:18:34.251 So... 1178 01:18:34.251 --> 01:18:37.880 the in-laws wouldn't know shit, 1179 01:18:37.880 --> 01:18:40.424 which means that I can shoot her... 1180 01:18:41.967 --> 01:18:43.969 ...unless you tell me where the fucking money is. 1181 01:18:43.969 --> 01:18:46.221 Please don't, okay? It's Christmas. 1182 01:18:46.221 --> 01:18:48.057 Shut up! 1183 01:18:48.933 --> 01:18:50.351 I swear, I'll blow her brains out 1184 01:18:50.351 --> 01:18:51.769 unless you tell me where the money went. 1185 01:18:51.769 --> 01:18:53.979 I did it! 1186 01:18:53.979 --> 01:18:56.398 - What? - Okay. Yeah, I did it. 1187 01:18:56.398 --> 01:18:58.317 - I moved the money. - No, d-don't-don't be an idiot. 1188 01:18:58.317 --> 01:19:00.069 - What? - The money's our only leverage. 1189 01:19:00.069 --> 01:19:01.654 Well, my wife has a fucking gun to her head, so... 1190 01:19:01.654 --> 01:19:03.739 Yeah, how did you find out that we were coming, huh? 1191 01:19:03.739 --> 01:19:05.407 I didn't. I was stealing it. 1192 01:19:06.575 --> 01:19:08.035 - Yeah, coincidence. - Oh, my God. 1193 01:19:08.035 --> 01:19:09.411 I was planning to take the money 1194 01:19:09.411 --> 01:19:12.581 and leave with my wife and daughter tonight 1195 01:19:12.581 --> 01:19:14.583 and never come back here. 1196 01:19:14.583 --> 01:19:17.962 Oh, and then my mom would, uh, 1197 01:19:17.962 --> 01:19:19.964 read the note with her whiskey in the morning 1198 01:19:19.964 --> 01:19:21.757 and know what I had done. 1199 01:19:21.757 --> 01:19:24.051 For years, I have been telling you 1200 01:19:24.051 --> 01:19:26.428 to stop caring about your mother's fucking money! 1201 01:19:26.428 --> 01:19:29.682 And you think the solution was to steal a bunch of it. 1202 01:19:30.474 --> 01:19:32.685 Well, it... yeah, it does sound stupid 1203 01:19:32.685 --> 01:19:34.186 when you say it like that. 1204 01:19:34.186 --> 01:19:36.188 How can you do this right now? 1205 01:19:36.188 --> 01:19:38.273 It's disgusting. After all that Mother has given us? 1206 01:19:38.273 --> 01:19:40.484 Come on, Alva. Everything she ever gave you, 1207 01:19:40.484 --> 01:19:41.777 she made damn sure we knew 1208 01:19:41.777 --> 01:19:43.028 she had the power to take right back. 1209 01:19:43.028 --> 01:19:46.907 I have spent years groveling to you. 1210 01:19:46.907 --> 01:19:49.702 In the meanwhile, I was destroying 1211 01:19:49.702 --> 01:19:51.745 the only good thing in my life. 1212 01:19:51.745 --> 01:19:53.122 What are we doing here, huh? 1213 01:19:53.122 --> 01:19:55.749 Family therapy or doing a heist? 1214 01:19:55.749 --> 01:19:59.003 - Yeah, enough of this sharing bullshit. - 1215 01:19:59.003 --> 01:20:00.963 All right. Where'd you put it? 1216 01:20:07.136 --> 01:20:09.805 Look at this little idiot. 1217 01:20:13.517 --> 01:20:14.893 Oh, no. 1218 01:20:14.893 --> 01:20:16.729 What? 1219 01:20:16.729 --> 01:20:18.647 - The bad guys found me. - Okay. 1220 01:20:18.647 --> 01:20:20.482 I'm coming. 1221 01:20:27.072 --> 01:20:30.993 You know, booby traps don't work unless you hide them. 1222 01:20:33.662 --> 01:20:35.164 You little moron. 1223 01:20:38.208 --> 01:20:40.544 - Jesus! Shit! 1224 01:20:44.423 --> 01:20:46.592 Help me! Help me! Help! 1225 01:20:48.010 --> 01:20:50.137 You'll be f... You'll be fine. 1226 01:20:50.137 --> 01:20:52.306 Sit tight. I'll be back in a sec. 1227 01:20:55.184 --> 01:20:57.519 Right after I kill this little piece of shit! 1228 01:21:00.272 --> 01:21:02.691 You little fucking brat. 1229 01:21:51.115 --> 01:21:52.908 You're dead! 1230 01:21:52.908 --> 01:21:55.410 You're so fucking dead! 1231 01:22:02.584 --> 01:22:05.045 Fucking piece of shit. 1232 01:22:10.092 --> 01:22:12.928 You little... 1233 01:22:30.195 --> 01:22:32.239 - Incoming! 1234 01:22:50.966 --> 01:22:52.801 Son of a fucking... 1235 01:23:02.853 --> 01:23:04.813 Fuck. 1236 01:23:04.813 --> 01:23:06.607 I got you now, kid. 1237 01:23:06.607 --> 01:23:08.275 Yeah? Heads up. 1238 01:23:10.402 --> 01:23:12.029 That's all you got? You fucking... 1239 01:23:14.865 --> 01:23:17.409 Enough of this shit. 1240 01:23:42.976 --> 01:23:44.186 Santa! 1241 01:23:54.112 --> 01:23:56.365 Hi, Trudy. Hi. 1242 01:23:56.365 --> 01:23:59.201 I made booby traps like in the movie. It was so funny. 1243 01:23:59.201 --> 01:24:01.828 Ho, ho, ho. 1244 01:24:07.709 --> 01:24:11.630 Trudy, I want you to, uh... just do me a favor. 1245 01:24:12.464 --> 01:24:15.384 Just turn around and close your eyes. 1246 01:24:15.384 --> 01:24:18.220 Maybe put your fingers in your ears and, uh, 1247 01:24:18.220 --> 01:24:21.265 sing "Jingle Bells" as loud as you can. 1248 01:24:27.813 --> 01:24:30.774 You were about to murder an innocent child. 1249 01:24:32.109 --> 01:24:33.735 Innocent? 1250 01:24:33.735 --> 01:24:35.737 - It's naughty. 1251 01:24:35.737 --> 01:24:37.197 Naughty. 1252 01:24:37.948 --> 01:24:39.408 - Naughty! 1253 01:24:39.408 --> 01:24:41.118 It's part of the Lightstone legacy. 1254 01:24:41.118 --> 01:24:42.744 We're horrible people. 1255 01:24:42.744 --> 01:24:44.621 So I get why you did what you did. 1256 01:24:44.621 --> 01:24:46.707 When your grandfather told me I'd never run the company 1257 01:24:46.707 --> 01:24:49.126 because a girl doesn't have what it takes, 1258 01:24:49.126 --> 01:24:51.128 I had to snatch the reins away from him. 1259 01:24:51.128 --> 01:24:52.587 But the point is, 1260 01:24:52.587 --> 01:24:54.339 a Lightstone takes what's theirs. 1261 01:24:54.339 --> 01:24:56.008 I'm proud of you, son. 1262 01:24:56.008 --> 01:24:57.467 All right, where the hell is it? 1263 01:24:59.803 --> 01:25:01.722 The money's hidden inside. 1264 01:25:02.889 --> 01:25:06.018 And the Three Wise Men presented him with gifts 1265 01:25:06.018 --> 01:25:08.854 of frankincense, myrrh... 1266 01:25:10.981 --> 01:25:14.067 ...and cold hard cash. 1267 01:25:14.067 --> 01:25:15.527 Load it up, boys. 1268 01:25:15.527 --> 01:25:17.779 All right, we're securing the money. 1269 01:25:17.779 --> 01:25:19.865 Kill the hostages and meet us outside. 1270 01:25:19.865 --> 01:25:21.658 What? 1271 01:25:21.658 --> 01:25:23.660 No. 1272 01:25:25.454 --> 01:25:26.913 Mom. 1273 01:25:26.913 --> 01:25:28.290 It's fine, Bert. 1274 01:25:28.290 --> 01:25:29.791 Everything's fine. 1275 01:25:29.791 --> 01:25:31.877 Okay. 1276 01:25:31.877 --> 01:25:33.795 Everybody, get up. 1277 01:25:33.795 --> 01:25:38.300 It's time for a murder. 1278 01:25:38.300 --> 01:25:40.886 Come on. Come on. You don't want to kill us. 1279 01:25:40.886 --> 01:25:42.220 You really don't. 1280 01:25:42.220 --> 01:25:44.389 Oh, yes, I do. 1281 01:25:44.389 --> 01:25:47.476 I really, really, really do. 1282 01:25:47.476 --> 01:25:49.186 And I'm gonna start with you. 1283 01:25:49.186 --> 01:25:50.520 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1284 01:25:50.520 --> 01:25:51.813 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1285 01:25:53.523 --> 01:25:55.233 You got to kill Aunt Linda first. 1286 01:25:55.233 --> 01:25:56.985 What the hell, Bert? 1287 01:25:56.985 --> 01:25:59.071 You want to squeeze in being a little shit 1288 01:25:59.071 --> 01:26:00.614 before you die, Bertrude? 1289 01:26:00.614 --> 01:26:02.240 - I say shoot him first. - What? 1290 01:26:02.240 --> 01:26:04.326 Wait. No, no, no. Don't shoot him. 1291 01:26:04.326 --> 01:26:06.370 Don't shoot him first. And don't you call him 1292 01:26:06.370 --> 01:26:08.080 a little shit, you gold-digging bitch. 1293 01:26:08.080 --> 01:26:09.790 Okay. I changed my mind. 1294 01:26:09.790 --> 01:26:11.750 - Shoot the alcoholic bitch first. -Don't call my mom 1295 01:26:11.750 --> 01:26:13.835 - an alcoholic bitch. - Your mom's an alcoholic. 1296 01:26:13.835 --> 01:26:15.670 - I'm sorry. - You're a gold-digging bitch. 1297 01:26:15.670 --> 01:26:17.839 Oh, I'm a gold-digger, when I have a whole-ass career? 1298 01:26:17.839 --> 01:26:19.508 You're not even part of the fucking family. 1299 01:26:19.508 --> 01:26:22.260 - She's an engineer. - You know goddamn well... 1300 01:26:22.260 --> 01:26:23.637 Shut up! 1301 01:26:27.349 --> 01:26:31.436 Just like rats in a barrel. 1302 01:26:32.229 --> 01:26:34.398 Why don't you die with some dignity? 1303 01:26:39.444 --> 01:26:41.363 Get off of me! 1304 01:26:41.363 --> 01:26:43.115 Okay, okay. 1305 01:26:43.115 --> 01:26:44.366 Fuck you! 1306 01:26:44.366 --> 01:26:46.952 This is for yelling at my child! 1307 01:26:46.952 --> 01:26:48.370 Creep! 1308 01:26:48.370 --> 01:26:49.913 That's for slapping me, motherfucker! 1309 01:26:49.913 --> 01:26:51.998 This is for your dumb fucking hat! 1310 01:27:01.633 --> 01:27:03.301 Is he... 1311 01:27:03.301 --> 01:27:04.845 Is he dead? 1312 01:27:08.723 --> 01:27:10.600 Yeah. 1313 01:27:11.393 --> 01:27:13.019 Thanks, Linda. 1314 01:27:13.019 --> 01:27:16.231 Well, it's nice to do something as a family for a change. 1315 01:27:17.399 --> 01:27:19.109 --Oh, shit! 1316 01:27:19.109 --> 01:27:20.986 I'm gonna... 1317 01:27:25.073 --> 01:27:26.616 That was for Morgan. 1318 01:27:26.616 --> 01:27:31.621 He may have been stupid, but he was very, very hot. 1319 01:27:32.998 --> 01:27:35.375 Oh. Trudy! 1320 01:27:35.375 --> 01:27:37.794 - Mommy! 1321 01:27:37.794 --> 01:27:39.421 Thank God, baby. 1322 01:27:39.421 --> 01:27:41.339 Are you okay? 1323 01:27:41.339 --> 01:27:43.091 I'm okay, Mommy. 1324 01:27:43.091 --> 01:27:44.259 Okay. 1325 01:27:44.259 --> 01:27:46.761 This is my friend, Santa. 1326 01:27:51.183 --> 01:27:53.268 What the fuck? 1327 01:27:53.268 --> 01:27:55.103 I can't thank you enough, Mister... 1328 01:27:55.103 --> 01:27:57.439 Claus. But please call me Santa. 1329 01:27:57.439 --> 01:27:58.815 Mm-hmm. 1330 01:27:58.815 --> 01:28:00.942 You guys should get out of here. 1331 01:28:00.942 --> 01:28:02.402 It's dangerous. 1332 01:28:02.402 --> 01:28:04.738 They took my husband and her grandmother. 1333 01:28:06.573 --> 01:28:08.200 Anybody know how to work these gizmos? 1334 01:28:08.200 --> 01:28:09.534 I think so. 1335 01:28:09.534 --> 01:28:11.286 I used to hunt with my dad. 1336 01:28:11.286 --> 01:28:12.454 Ow. 1337 01:28:12.454 --> 01:28:14.122 Copy that. How's that looking? 1338 01:28:14.122 --> 01:28:16.958 - Yeah, I got it on lockdown. - Heads on a swivel, boys. 1339 01:28:18.293 --> 01:28:19.920 - Incoming! - Heads up! 1340 01:28:21.129 --> 01:28:22.631 - Oh, oh! Who's shooting? 1341 01:28:22.631 --> 01:28:24.299 - Who's... 1342 01:28:24.299 --> 01:28:27.469 - Cap, get down! - Watch it! Watch it! 1343 01:28:32.557 --> 01:28:34.935 Gun 'em down. Mow them all down. 1344 01:28:50.784 --> 01:28:53.620 - All right, let's get the fuck out of here. -Let's go. 1345 01:28:53.620 --> 01:28:56.122 - Go where? - Come on, move, you old bat. 1346 01:28:56.873 --> 01:28:58.833 Get your fucking hands off of me. 1347 01:29:08.969 --> 01:29:11.304 Oh! Oh, shit. 1348 01:29:11.304 --> 01:29:14.683 My balls! My fucking balls! 1349 01:29:31.324 --> 01:29:34.160 Ow, my balls! Why did you shoot me in the ball... 1350 01:29:37.998 --> 01:29:40.375 Oh, Jesus. 1351 01:29:40.375 --> 01:29:42.043 Sorry. 1352 01:29:43.878 --> 01:29:46.548 Don't worry about us, Mr. Claus. We got this. 1353 01:29:46.548 --> 01:29:48.800 Who is that guy? 1354 01:29:48.800 --> 01:29:51.428 He said he was Mr. Claus. 1355 01:29:53.221 --> 01:29:55.265 - Fuck. Trudy. - No, no. 1356 01:29:55.265 --> 01:29:56.891 She's in the house. She's okay. 1357 01:29:56.891 --> 01:29:58.268 She's safe. 1358 01:29:58.268 --> 01:30:00.395 - Oh, thank God. - Yeah. 1359 01:30:21.124 --> 01:30:22.584 No, no. 1360 01:30:22.584 --> 01:30:25.253 - Oh... go, go, go, go, go. - No, no, no. Wait, wait. 1361 01:31:11.091 --> 01:31:13.510 Oh, shit! 1362 01:31:15.762 --> 01:31:18.556 - Ho, ho! 1363 01:31:20.266 --> 01:31:21.476 Fuck! 1364 01:32:05.061 --> 01:32:07.731 - Fucking die. 1365 01:33:00.909 --> 01:33:02.786 Come on. Come on. Come on. 1366 01:33:02.786 --> 01:33:06.080 Yeah, over here. Over here. 1367 01:33:06.080 --> 01:33:07.332 Santa! 1368 01:33:08.291 --> 01:33:10.126 Come on! 1369 01:33:10.126 --> 01:33:11.586 Yeah. 1370 01:33:55.380 --> 01:33:56.631 Fuck. 1371 01:34:20.321 --> 01:34:22.365 You're real? 1372 01:34:23.741 --> 01:34:26.160 You're... him. 1373 01:34:29.163 --> 01:34:30.415 You're you. 1374 01:34:30.415 --> 01:34:33.126 That's what I've been trying to tell you. 1375 01:34:33.126 --> 01:34:36.504 The real goddamn Santa Claus. 1376 01:34:36.504 --> 01:34:38.965 This is not your night, pal. 1377 01:34:38.965 --> 01:34:42.093 Oh, I don't know. I think you're wrong. 1378 01:34:42.093 --> 01:34:45.513 I think my whole shitty life's built up to this moment. 1379 01:34:45.513 --> 01:34:46.890 Because when I kill you, 1380 01:34:46.890 --> 01:34:50.184 this whole goddamn holiday finally ends. 1381 01:34:51.936 --> 01:34:53.855 Whatever it takes... 1382 01:34:55.607 --> 01:34:57.692 ...Christmas dies tonight. 1383 01:35:49.911 --> 01:35:51.579 Whoa! 1384 01:37:16.831 --> 01:37:19.417 The last Christmas. 1385 01:37:29.260 --> 01:37:31.888 Not if you still believe. 1386 01:37:33.681 --> 01:37:35.683 No! 1387 01:38:03.711 --> 01:38:07.381 I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. 1388 01:38:09.759 --> 01:38:11.886 But this ends now. 1389 01:38:16.808 --> 01:38:18.601 Damn right it does. 1390 01:38:27.777 --> 01:38:29.946 Trudy, be careful. 1391 01:38:33.658 --> 01:38:35.576 Santa! 1392 01:38:35.576 --> 01:38:38.079 Oh, no. Santa. 1393 01:38:39.539 --> 01:38:41.082 Oh, no. 1394 01:38:47.880 --> 01:38:50.049 You saved my daughter. 1395 01:38:50.842 --> 01:38:52.385 No. 1396 01:38:53.177 --> 01:38:54.762 She saved me. 1397 01:38:54.762 --> 01:38:57.515 Help him. Please help him. 1398 01:38:57.515 --> 01:39:00.017 Honey, I don't think there's anything we can do. 1399 01:39:00.017 --> 01:39:01.269 It's okay. It's okay. 1400 01:39:01.269 --> 01:39:03.604 It's too late for that. 1401 01:39:03.604 --> 01:39:05.940 Too late. 1402 01:39:06.732 --> 01:39:09.402 I'm cold. 1403 01:39:09.402 --> 01:39:11.654 I haven't felt cold in years. 1404 01:39:11.654 --> 01:39:13.698 We need to keep him warm. 1405 01:39:14.532 --> 01:39:16.951 All of the fires are going out. 1406 01:39:16.951 --> 01:39:19.245 We need to find something to burn. 1407 01:39:20.580 --> 01:39:22.123 I got an idea. 1408 01:39:25.042 --> 01:39:27.003 Whoa. 1409 01:39:28.546 --> 01:39:29.964 No. 1410 01:39:29.964 --> 01:39:32.133 No, no, no, no. No, Jason, no. 1411 01:39:32.133 --> 01:39:33.259 Please, Santa. 1412 01:39:33.259 --> 01:39:36.262 I don't want you to die. 1413 01:39:39.348 --> 01:39:41.058 Jason, let's slow this down. 1414 01:39:41.058 --> 01:39:42.560 What are you doing? 1415 01:39:42.560 --> 01:39:45.855 I've lived longer than any man should ever live. 1416 01:39:45.855 --> 01:39:48.566 He's pretty much dead. What the hell is happening? 1417 01:39:48.566 --> 01:39:50.651 - You don't need to burn money. - Okay. More. Yeah. 1418 01:39:50.651 --> 01:39:54.113 You can't die, Santa. You have to get up. 1419 01:39:54.113 --> 01:39:56.657 I think I used up all my Christmas magic. 1420 01:39:57.658 --> 01:39:59.285 Sorry. 1421 01:40:01.329 --> 01:40:05.082 I'm s... I'm sorry I can't give you what you asked for. 1422 01:40:06.667 --> 01:40:08.961 Take that. Take that. 1423 01:40:08.961 --> 01:40:10.504 But you did. 1424 01:40:13.257 --> 01:40:15.593 Santa, please don't die. 1425 01:40:15.593 --> 01:40:18.137 Wake up. Wake up. 1426 01:40:18.137 --> 01:40:20.806 We need to get him close to the fire. 1427 01:40:20.806 --> 01:40:22.683 Jason. 1428 01:40:23.434 --> 01:40:25.394 Just wake up. 1429 01:40:26.437 --> 01:40:27.813 Please. 1430 01:40:27.813 --> 01:40:29.690 No. 1431 01:40:34.028 --> 01:40:37.281 Oh, I am so, so sorry. 1432 01:40:42.203 --> 01:40:44.914 - This man... 1433 01:40:45.748 --> 01:40:49.585 This brave, brave man, whoever he was... 1434 01:40:49.585 --> 01:40:50.878 He's Santa. 1435 01:40:50.878 --> 01:40:53.130 The real Santa. He is. 1436 01:40:53.130 --> 01:40:56.217 And I still believe in him. 1437 01:40:57.051 --> 01:40:59.720 I'll always believe in you, Santa. 1438 01:41:04.350 --> 01:41:06.310 I believe in him, too. 1439 01:41:09.313 --> 01:41:12.149 He saved Trudy. 1440 01:41:12.149 --> 01:41:14.402 He saved our family. 1441 01:41:16.362 --> 01:41:18.698 What's realer than that? 1442 01:41:22.660 --> 01:41:24.453 Then maybe... 1443 01:41:26.956 --> 01:41:29.083 I believe in him, too. 1444 01:41:29.917 --> 01:41:31.460 So do I. 1445 01:41:32.503 --> 01:41:35.840 Oh, shit. 1446 01:41:35.840 --> 01:41:37.967 I guess... 1447 01:41:37.967 --> 01:41:40.052 I guess I do, too. 1448 01:41:40.052 --> 01:41:41.887 Fuck me. 1449 01:41:41.887 --> 01:41:43.681 I believe, too. 1450 01:41:54.108 --> 01:41:55.651 Oh, my God. 1451 01:41:55.651 --> 01:41:56.819 Santa! 1452 01:42:01.824 --> 01:42:03.367 You... 1453 01:42:05.119 --> 01:42:07.163 You were dead. 1454 01:42:07.955 --> 01:42:10.541 Christmas magic. 1455 01:42:10.541 --> 01:42:13.169 I still don't really understand... 1456 01:42:13.169 --> 01:42:15.129 how it works. 1457 01:42:20.760 --> 01:42:22.678 Thank you. 1458 01:42:22.678 --> 01:42:24.722 I don't know how we can ever repay you. 1459 01:42:24.722 --> 01:42:26.891 Well, you brought me back from the dead, 1460 01:42:26.891 --> 01:42:28.476 so we'll call it even. 1461 01:42:29.643 --> 01:42:30.853 Even? 1462 01:42:30.853 --> 01:42:33.522 We just burned half a million dollars. 1463 01:42:34.357 --> 01:42:35.983 - Look, Santa! - Hmm? 1464 01:42:35.983 --> 01:42:37.360 Look who came. 1465 01:42:44.533 --> 01:42:48.079 Now you show up, huh? 1466 01:42:48.079 --> 01:42:49.538 You leave me here to die, 1467 01:42:49.538 --> 01:42:51.791 come back after all the work's done, huh? 1468 01:42:51.791 --> 01:42:54.543 You know what? I should make you guys into a stew 1469 01:42:54.543 --> 01:42:56.796 and feed you to the elves! 1470 01:42:58.756 --> 01:43:03.511 Yes, Blitzen! Yes, I'm talking to you! 1471 01:43:03.511 --> 01:43:05.638 You, too, Prancer. 1472 01:43:11.018 --> 01:43:13.062 You got my sack. 1473 01:43:13.062 --> 01:43:17.358 My spare... You went home and you got my spare sack? 1474 01:43:19.235 --> 01:43:21.987 Oh, God, I can't stay mad at you guys. 1475 01:43:21.987 --> 01:43:23.572 I... 1476 01:43:23.572 --> 01:43:27.952 Aw. I can't. I can't. 1477 01:43:27.952 --> 01:43:30.704 Aw. 1478 01:43:31.747 --> 01:43:33.874 Aw. 1479 01:43:44.760 --> 01:43:46.303 Hello, beautiful. 1480 01:43:46.303 --> 01:43:48.222 Skullcrusher! 1481 01:44:01.235 --> 01:44:02.903 Guess this is goodbye. 1482 01:44:02.903 --> 01:44:04.363 I got to go. 1483 01:44:05.239 --> 01:44:07.366 Do you have to? 1484 01:44:10.661 --> 01:44:12.830 It's Christmas Eve, and there's a lot of... 1485 01:44:12.830 --> 01:44:14.540 boys and girls on the nice list 1486 01:44:14.540 --> 01:44:16.959 that want their presents, you know? 1487 01:44:19.086 --> 01:44:20.754 Thank you. 1488 01:44:21.755 --> 01:44:23.340 For what? 1489 01:44:23.340 --> 01:44:25.009 For believing in me. 1490 01:44:25.009 --> 01:44:28.345 For reminding me that Christmas still matters. 1491 01:44:29.930 --> 01:44:32.391 And that I still... 1492 01:44:32.391 --> 01:44:34.768 matter. 1493 01:44:36.312 --> 01:44:38.481 You gave me my "ho, ho, ho" back. 1494 01:44:48.365 --> 01:44:50.701 All right. Get out of here. 1495 01:44:54.413 --> 01:44:57.333 Merry Christmas! 1496 01:44:59.877 --> 01:45:01.128 Hyah! 1497 01:45:01.128 --> 01:45:04.507 Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! 1498 01:45:04.507 --> 01:45:06.634 Now, Prancer and Vixen! 1499 01:45:06.634 --> 01:45:10.137 On, Comet! On, Cupid! 1500 01:45:10.137 --> 01:45:13.140 On, Donner and Blitzen! 1501 01:45:13.140 --> 01:45:16.727 Come on, you beautiful bastards! 1502 01:45:16.727 --> 01:45:20.105 We've got some work to do! 1503 01:45:20.105 --> 01:45:23.150 Hyah! 1504 01:45:23.150 --> 01:45:25.861 Ho, ho, ho! 1505 01:45:25.861 --> 01:45:29.073 Merry Christmas! 1506 01:46:57.369 --> 01:46:59.538 Hey, yo! What's Gucci, squad fam? 1507 01:46:59.538 --> 01:47:02.625 It's the Bert Locker, living the dream. 1508 01:47:02.625 --> 01:47:04.710 You know what? See this guy? Dead as hell. 1509 01:47:04.710 --> 01:47:06.503 Santa's real, all right? 1510 01:47:06.503 --> 01:47:08.380 Don't end up on the naughty list. 1511 01:47:08.380 --> 01:47:09.632 Do better. 1512 01:47:09.632 --> 01:47:11.759 Bert Lightstone out.