WEBVTT FILE
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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Okay. Everybody ready?
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- Yeah.
- Yes.
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One, two, three.
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Ah! Look, it's life,
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and what a young life you are,
insanely young, minus one.
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In fact, if you can hear me,
can I ask you a question?
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- Yeah.
- Okay.
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Do you know that you're about to be born?
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- Yeah.
- Oh, right.
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Well, are you nervous, then,
about what's going to happen in life?
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- Yeah.
- Of course you are.
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Well, why don't we
leave this one to us then?
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♪ Listen, yes, that's it ♪
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♪ Listen, we understand how you're feeling
But you got it all wrong ♪
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♪ Life is really nice ♪
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♪ And I ain't no goddamn salesman
But I wanna sell you on it ♪
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♪ So strap into your womb baby... ♪
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...as we go on a journey
through different lives.
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From the moment you're born...
you just spend so much time having fun.
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You know, you don't even realise
that while you're having this fun,
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you are learning.
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What's this?
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Oh, I want everyone to think
you've done a watery shit, man.
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You're learning, and growing,
and laughing, and being,
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and becoming your very best self,
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so that by the time you emerge
into your teenage, butterfly form,
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you're ready and you're beautiful.
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Guess how much money Brad Pitt has?
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Oh, don't...
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What? I bet it's millions.
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- A hundred billion.
- No.
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Hmm.
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Who's Babbit?
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Brad Pitt.
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Oh.
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Have you seen Cressy from school got
a tattoo of a jacket on her head?
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A jacket, yeah?
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- So nice.
- Yeah.
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Oh, it's--
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No, it's not a jacket.
It's like a cross, like a Jesus cross.
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- Jesus cross, yeah? That's so nice.
- Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
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Mum? Can you send us up
a pesto pasta, please?
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- Sweet chili on mine.
- Sweet chili on Chesha's. And on mine.
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Mum, please.
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Can you send us up a drink upstairs?
I can't come down. I'm too thirsty.
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Yeah. Can you send us up...
Yeah, just a drink.
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No, no, no, not water. Not water.
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Yeah, fudge drink.
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- Lexi.
- Yeah, all right.
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- Why is your mum tweeting about us?
- What?
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- My mum?
- Yeah.
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- What, on Twitter?
- Yeah, listen.
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"There's a problem
with my son's generation."
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"Him and his girlfriend
have been rotting in bed all summer."
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"I don't hear them laughing
or enjoying themselves."
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- I'm cra-- I'm cracking up 24/7.
- Yeah, me too. Me too.
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"I read a study saying
this generation of teens
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are having less sex
than any generation of teens in history."
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What? "My son
is definitely proof of this."
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What?
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Is she trying to stress me out?
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Mum!
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You tweet... You tweeted! Yeah?
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My God, Mum!
Why are you doing that? Oh!
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Like, is it embarrassing
that we haven't had sex?
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- I can't be arsed.
- I can't be arsed.
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Like, I don't wanna be doing, like,
retro stuff, do you know what I mean?
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I swear it's retro to be doing that.
I'm busy doing, like, actual modern stuff.
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Ugh!
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Oh, my God, someone's written,
"These two are frigid donkeys."
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Someone's just tweeted that! Ugh!
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You all right?
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Ugh! Ugh!
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- You all right?
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Right. Lexi, we're doing it.
We're having sex. Take your trousers off.
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What? Oh, no, please, I can't be bothered.
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I can't be bothered!
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Like, everyone is now
shitting on us online,
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and I'm the one
who's trying to protect our socials,
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so just, like, take your trousers off
and put your phone down!
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- Now!
- All right!
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You shouted at me for ages!
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- Come on!
- Peer pressuring me.
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You're supposed to get me in the mood.
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- You're making it worse.
- It's an emotional moment.
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- It's why we're acting like this.
- Don't like it.
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- I don't want to do it.
- What's the point?
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I literally don't know what I'm doing.
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♪ How do I know if my penis is ready? ♪
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♪ Just don't look at my bum ♪
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♪ I think I wiped it
But I can't be certain ♪
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♪ Are we supposed to smile or something
To get in the mood? ♪
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♪ I'd rather not, I got a headache ♪
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♪ And I'm not attracted
To the way you look ♪
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♪ You know I'm not sure it's gonna work ♪
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- ♪ 'Cause we're soft and dry ♪
- ♪ 'Cause we're soft and dry ♪
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♪ How we gonna get it inside? ♪
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♪ Why don't you press it
Against my bits and pieces ♪
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♪ And imagine that my hair looks nice ♪
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- ♪ But I'm still soft ♪
- ♪ I'm dry ♪
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- ♪ Shouldn't it feel more nice? ♪
- ♪ What's it like? ♪
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♪ How do I describe? ♪
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It's like I'm trying
to push a poo into a clamp, all right?
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♪ Yo, it's your mum's boyfriend
What's going on? ♪
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♪ You trying to have sex
But it's going wrong? ♪
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♪ Don't fret, there is a hope ♪
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♪ Me and your mum
Started using this Turkish soap ♪
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♪ On the website
It's listed as Turkish oil ♪
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♪ But what kind of oil comes in bar form?
It's a soap, no doubt ♪
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♪ Their website's just dated and I think ♪
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♪ The guy who started
The business is jaded ♪
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♪ I love it so much, I invested ♪
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♪ I'm now a partner
At Turkish Soap Ventures ♪
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♪ But everyone I sold it to detests it ♪
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♪ They say you can't
Get it off your skin ♪
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- You cannot get it off your skin.
- What the fuck are you doing in here?
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Telling us about your business.
I didn't know my mum had a boyfriend.
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My bad.
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- Damn.
- What?
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Elderly people need to shut up!
Got me feeling things.
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I hate feeling things!
Do you know what I mean?
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My heartbeat's going,
I'm feeling hot. I hate it.
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Yeah, you are really hot...
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...and you stink of BO.
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Yeah. You stink too, actually. You reek.
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I actually really like
the way you smelt under the blanket.
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I don't know why, but I liked
the way you smelt under the blanket too.
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♪ Wait, yeah
My dick feels like a magnet ♪
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♪ Is there metal in vaginas 'cause... ♪
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- ♪ Something's attracting ♪
- ♪ Is this really happening? ♪
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- ♪ We're no longer soft and dry ♪
- ♪ We're no longer soft and dry ♪
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Ow! Ow!
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Ow!
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- That is a mental feeling.
- Yeah.
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- Quite nice though.
- Yeah.
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Would you do that again?
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No.
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Morning, everyone.
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Oh, God. I've got my bag
caught on the door.
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Oh, hello! I heard we had someone new
coming in. How are ya?
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You all right? First day?
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- First job.
- First job, look at that.
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Keep your wits about you.
Nothing's ever the same here.
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Hello, Simon.
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Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right?
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Oh, Christ.
I got my bag caught on the door.
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Hello, Simon.
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Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right?
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Christ, I got my bag caught on the door.
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Once in a lifetime. Hello, Simon.
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Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right?
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My bag's caught on the door.
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I've gotta tell--
I've gotta tell Simon. Simon!
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Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right?
157
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Hello, Simon.
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00:09:13.880 --> 00:09:15.640
Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right?
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I can't.
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Shit, I've just got
my bag caught on the door.
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Hello, Simon.
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- Hello! Good morning, Tom. You all right?
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Morning, Tom. You all right?
164
00:09:37.920 --> 00:09:40.000
- You all right?
- Would you believe it?
165
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Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right?
166
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Ugh! I left my bag at home.
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Hello, Simon.
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Oh, there's all that to come,
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00:09:57.200 --> 00:10:01.400
bags and doors and Simon.
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00:10:01.400 --> 00:10:05.200
But work only makes up
about 70% of your time,
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that precious 30% that's all yours,
that's where the real magic happens.
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00:10:10.280 --> 00:10:13.760
Connection, commitment, socialising.
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00:10:13.760 --> 00:10:17.880
Those are the pillars
of the spiciest bit of life, adult life.
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- ♪ Everyone changes ♪
- ♪ Everyone changes ♪
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00:10:28.360 --> 00:10:32.320
- ♪ At different paces ♪
- ♪ At different paces ♪
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♪ But at 27, make sure
You've changed a bit ♪
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Well, it completely depends on whether
she can still go part-time.
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- Er, yeah.
- If she can--
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- I'd love to see her.
- You must.
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- Hey.
- Here we go.
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00:10:47.560 --> 00:10:50.680
- Happy birthday! How are you?
- Hello. Yeah.
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00:10:50.680 --> 00:10:52.360
Oh, my goodness me.
183
00:10:52.360 --> 00:10:55.160
So... do you want us
to shout "stag" at you today, Freddy?
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00:10:55.160 --> 00:10:58.640
I think just Fred
at the normal volume will be fine. Yeah.
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Sorry, is it okay that I'm genuinely
really enjoying quietly looking around
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00:11:02.600 --> 00:11:05.360
at friends and thinking about
how much I like them?
187
00:11:05.360 --> 00:11:07.080
- Yeah.
- Is that a good stag?
188
00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:10.480
Perfect. I mean, lovely pub,
lovely, well-dressed boys.
189
00:11:11.480 --> 00:11:13.440
Er, I think I know
everyone here except, erm...
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00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:17.760
- Who is your best man, is it Kieran?
- Er, Kieran, yeah.
191
00:11:17.760 --> 00:11:21.480
Erm... Yeah, lovely lad. He, erm...
He got me through uni actually.
192
00:11:21.480 --> 00:11:22.440
Mmm-hmm.
193
00:11:22.440 --> 00:11:25.440
He's a bit worried
about getting the best man stuff right,
194
00:11:26.040 --> 00:11:28.960
- but he's one--
- Right, form a perfect horseshoe now.
195
00:11:29.440 --> 00:11:31.600
Come on, you reprobates.
Perfect horseshoe, now.
196
00:11:32.640 --> 00:11:34.880
Make sure it's tight
so it traps the sound.
197
00:11:34.880 --> 00:11:38.720
Right. Hello,
you [hesitating] fucking cocks.
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00:11:38.720 --> 00:11:39.680
Ooh.
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00:11:39.680 --> 00:11:45.240
Okay, I want all ears focused exclusively
on my ass... listening to me, okay? Right.
200
00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:47.720
First red card.
If I see a single one of you
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00:11:47.720 --> 00:11:50.600
without a drop of booze
in your hand throughout the day,
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00:11:50.600 --> 00:11:54.240
you're seeing off a Guinness,
and that's the end of the fucking story,
203
00:11:54.240 --> 00:11:55.880
- okay?
204
00:11:58.560 --> 00:12:00.520
Kiero...
205
00:12:01.040 --> 00:12:01.920
Erm...
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00:12:02.520 --> 00:12:05.640
For those of you who haven't met him yet,
this is my best man, Kieran...
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00:12:05.640 --> 00:12:06.880
Hodgedale.
208
00:12:06.880 --> 00:12:09.160
Kieran Hodgedale,
thank you for arranging this.
209
00:12:09.160 --> 00:12:10.080
- Yes.
- Right.
210
00:12:10.080 --> 00:12:12.520
Thank you, Fred, you fucking cock.
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00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:15.360
Oh. Hey.
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00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:17.600
That's the last time you'll thank me,
trust me.
213
00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:22.240
This is gonna be the worst day
of this little dickhead's whole life.
214
00:12:23.680 --> 00:12:24.640
Why?
215
00:12:24.640 --> 00:12:25.640
Hmm.
216
00:12:25.640 --> 00:12:29.240
Er, maybe because what I have planned
is complete carnage. Come on, man.
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00:12:30.200 --> 00:12:34.640
And speaking of men,
let me remind you, that, yes, we are men,
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00:12:34.640 --> 00:12:40.160
and if I catch a single one of you
not thinking about women's breasts
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00:12:40.160 --> 00:12:42.000
throughout the day, at any point,
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00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:45.760
if I spot that, you're seeing off
a Guinness straight away.
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00:12:45.760 --> 00:12:48.720
There'll be no pause. It'll be
in your mouth and down your gullet.
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00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:50.520
I don't fucking care.
223
00:12:57.040 --> 00:12:59.080
Are you all right? Is everything okay?
224
00:12:59.080 --> 00:13:00.800
Yeah. You all right? How's your buttons?
225
00:13:00.800 --> 00:13:02.920
- Watch out.
- Just please let me.
226
00:13:02.920 --> 00:13:05.040
- What are you doing?
- Give me one second.
227
00:13:08.920 --> 00:13:09.840
Did you see that?
228
00:13:10.680 --> 00:13:14.840
He was going for a three-buttoned thing,
and I undid the top one.
229
00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:17.120
All right. Good stuff.
230
00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:19.120
- It looks good undone.
- Really?
231
00:13:19.120 --> 00:13:20.520
- I'll keep it then.
- Yeah.
232
00:13:20.520 --> 00:13:22.680
It's not stag
to compliment your mate's clothes.
233
00:13:22.680 --> 00:13:25.720
If something feels like the quality
of a stag, don't shut it down,
234
00:13:25.720 --> 00:13:27.880
- just let it breathe.
- Okay, that's cool.
235
00:13:27.880 --> 00:13:31.120
Just, let's calm it down a little bit.
236
00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:35.080
Ooh! Classic Fred. "I don't want someone
screaming at my mates on my stag do."
237
00:13:35.080 --> 00:13:36.680
"I want to have a nice time."
238
00:13:36.680 --> 00:13:39.960
- Well, no. I'm not saying that.
- But why are you not saying that?
239
00:13:39.960 --> 00:13:43.680
Come on, Kieran, why don't you tell
everyone what you've got planned today,
240
00:13:43.680 --> 00:13:45.640
- for the big day.
- Fuck off!
241
00:13:45.640 --> 00:13:47.560
- What is he doing?
- What is this?
242
00:13:47.560 --> 00:13:49.320
- Mate.
- What do you want?
243
00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:52.960
I haven't heard a single one of them
at any point through all of this going...
244
00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.280
That was
the whole point of the speech!
245
00:13:55.280 --> 00:13:57.560
What's happening?
Fred, what's happening to him?
246
00:13:57.560 --> 00:14:00.400
Is he like... Is he drunk or something?
247
00:14:01.440 --> 00:14:02.920
Er, no, he doesn't drink.
248
00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:05.280
Erm... Just talk amongst yourselves.
249
00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:07.520
Hey, you okay, man?
250
00:14:09.160 --> 00:14:11.320
Erm... Ahem. I was just thinking, you know,
251
00:14:11.800 --> 00:14:16.040
everyone here thinks
you are absolutely brilliant.
252
00:14:16.920 --> 00:14:18.920
Fuck off, you bastard.
253
00:14:19.640 --> 00:14:22.520
I'm just ripping shit up
and chilling for a minute.
254
00:14:22.520 --> 00:14:27.200
- Your mates are dickheads.
- Hey, come on, you prick.
255
00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:30.240
Come and tell them
what plans you've got for the day, eh?
256
00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:33.360
- Why weren't you swearing over there?
- I can swear if you want.
257
00:14:33.880 --> 00:14:35.960
Please, can everyone swear a bit more?
258
00:14:36.520 --> 00:14:40.760
Right, this prick is gonna tell us, erm,
what the plans are for the day,
259
00:14:40.760 --> 00:14:42.320
so let's hear him out, shall we?
260
00:14:43.640 --> 00:14:45.120
- Yeah, guys?
- Okay.
261
00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:46.400
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
262
00:14:46.400 --> 00:14:49.680
Okay, right.
So, first up, I hope you all like pork
263
00:14:50.280 --> 00:14:54.520
because we're gonna be kicking off the day
by all having a lovely pork pie, yeah?
264
00:14:54.520 --> 00:14:57.720
Sounds nice, yeah?
Well, it's not gonna be, 'cause, oh, dear,
265
00:14:57.720 --> 00:15:01.080
whoever picks out the smallest pork pie
is seeing off a Guinness,
266
00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:04.200
and then they have
to shit themselves in their trousers.
267
00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:05.920
What?
268
00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:08.560
"Have to... have to shit themselves"?
269
00:15:10.360 --> 00:15:12.840
Cool, and then...
and then what's after that?
270
00:15:13.520 --> 00:15:16.240
Your reaction's
so horrible, man!
271
00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:19.800
No, we love it, don't we?
Yeah. Everyone's up for it, yeah.
272
00:15:19.800 --> 00:15:22.200
In fact, guys, shall we get the pies?
273
00:15:22.800 --> 00:15:23.840
- Yeah.
- Yeah? All right.
274
00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:25.680
- Let's do the pies first?
- Okay.
275
00:15:25.680 --> 00:15:27.320
I'm gonna stand with a bag,
276
00:15:27.320 --> 00:15:30.120
- and you take...
- Okay, guys, take out a pork pie each,
277
00:15:30.120 --> 00:15:33.960
and whoever's got the smallest pie
at the end has to...
278
00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:38.400
- Yeah... has to do a poo.
- Yeah, and then see off a Guinness.
279
00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:41.120
- And then see off a Guinness.
- All right.
280
00:15:42.440 --> 00:15:43.280
Here's mine.
281
00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:48.520
Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Kieran.
282
00:15:50.040 --> 00:15:51.240
About what?
283
00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:52.760
I love this stuff!
284
00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:56.320
Right, I'm gonna lay one down.
285
00:15:57.640 --> 00:16:00.440
- Now? You're gonna do it now?
- Can I grip your shoulder?
286
00:16:00.440 --> 00:16:02.640
- Yeah.
- Nah, man.
287
00:16:03.560 --> 00:16:04.760
Make sure your friends look.
288
00:16:04.760 --> 00:16:06.680
I feel like they're just turning away.
289
00:16:06.680 --> 00:16:08.360
Erm, guys, watch this if you can.
290
00:16:16.760 --> 00:16:18.560
- Fred?
- He's almost done.
291
00:16:20.800 --> 00:16:22.040
- Yeah.
- Done?
292
00:16:22.040 --> 00:16:24.480
Small bit. You nutters.
293
00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:26.760
- Give him a Guinness and then--
- Yep.
294
00:16:26.760 --> 00:16:28.880
- Yeah, can someone cheer or something?
- Yes!
295
00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:31.760
- Well done.
- Thank you.
296
00:16:31.760 --> 00:16:33.520
- Really well done.
- So, part two.
297
00:16:34.200 --> 00:16:36.000
This is my first ever Guinness.
298
00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:37.960
Yay. Cheers, everyone.
299
00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:42.920
I can't believe what that tastes like.
300
00:16:43.800 --> 00:16:45.360
Have you had one of these?
301
00:16:45.960 --> 00:16:49.120
Yeah, I expected it to be
a lot sweeter, like butterscotch.
302
00:16:54.680 --> 00:16:57.280
Our coverage
of the royal wedding continues
303
00:16:57.280 --> 00:17:00.840
with Peter Ring covering
today's wonderful festivities.
304
00:17:03.640 --> 00:17:06.280 line:5%
Peter Ring here,
covering today's festivities.
305
00:17:06.280 --> 00:17:08.920 line:5%
Droves of people
have been coming down in droves
306
00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:12.680 line:5%
to celebrate what is sure to be
the most wonderful day so far
307
00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:14.839 line:5%
that the world has managed to have.
308
00:17:14.839 --> 00:17:17.200 line:5%
The royal wedding is happening right now.
309
00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:20.040 line:5%
We can't see it from out here,
but one thing's for sure.
310
00:17:20.520 --> 00:17:25.000 line:5%
It's happening. The couple are both 31,
and it's all completely brilliant.
311
00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:27.640 line:5%
The atmosphere out here
is about as wonderful as it gets.
312
00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:31.920 line:5%
I've been talking to this upbeat family
about just how wonderful it all is.
313
00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:34.680 line:5%
Bav Davison, just how wonderful is it?
314
00:17:34.680 --> 00:17:38.920 line:5%
Well, I've got to say, I was just saying
this as well to my family and nieces.
315
00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:42.400 line:5%
It's been a wonderful day.
The atmosphere is absolutely brilliant.
316
00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:44.080 line:5%
Best day of my life. Best marriage.
317
00:17:44.080 --> 00:17:46.720 line:5%
What a day.
And what a fantastic day, as well.
318
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:49.800 line:5%
Well, that's wonderful to hear.
And well said.
319
00:17:49.800 --> 00:17:53.840 line:5%
This is it. There's no other way
to say it. We're having such a top time.
320
00:17:54.480 --> 00:17:58.360 line:5%
And what is it you think will be
particularly special about this marriage?
321
00:17:58.360 --> 00:18:02.160 line:5%
Oh... They've just got everything.
They're such an exceptional couple.
322
00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:04.520 line:5%
And I can't wait
to get a closer look at them
323
00:18:04.520 --> 00:18:07.200 line:5%
and then to say
some very positive stuff about them.
324
00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:08.840 line:5%
Yeah? What stuff will you say?
325
00:18:08.840 --> 00:18:13.240 line:5%
Erm, I might say, oh, you know, their eyes
lit up the sky, something like that.
326
00:18:13.240 --> 00:18:17.040 line:5%
Ha! I think we're all looking forward
to hearing her say that.
327
00:18:17.040 --> 00:18:20.280 line:5%
Er, I said earlier that people
were coming down in their droves.
328
00:18:20.280 --> 00:18:22.120 line:5%
- Have they, really?
- Yes.
329
00:18:22.120 --> 00:18:26.440 line:5%
Yeah. I think it's understandable.
Because for me, it's such an amazing day
330
00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:30.280 line:5%
that I would come down in my droves
if it meant being a part of the day.
331
00:18:30.280 --> 00:18:35.040 line:5%
That's amazing. Enjoy your day. Let's have
a lick of ice cream and I'll be on my way.
332
00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:37.800 line:5%
Mmm!
333
00:18:37.800 --> 00:18:38.720 line:5%
All right.
334
00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:40.760 line:5%
Can I ask, is all this just for a wedding?
335
00:18:40.760 --> 00:18:42.600 line:5%
- What's everyone celebrating?
- Shut up.
336
00:18:43.280 --> 00:18:47.120 line:5%
Shut up! Don't ask horrid questions,
you awful girl! Off!
337
00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:48.600 line:5%
Mmm.
338
00:18:48.600 --> 00:18:51.520 line:5%
Oh! Bit of cardio to work off that cream.
339
00:18:51.520 --> 00:18:55.680 line:5%
Right, where are we? Peter Ring here...
Erm, hello. You got down here quickly.
340
00:18:55.680 --> 00:18:59.120 line:5%
Oh. No, I'm a different person.
But it has been an exquisite day
341
00:18:59.120 --> 00:19:01.120 line:5%
and the atmosphere here is wonderful.
342
00:19:01.120 --> 00:19:03.280 line:5%
- Amazing, isn't it?
- Yeah, it is amazing.
343
00:19:03.280 --> 00:19:07.240 line:5%
I should know, because I got married
last week, and my wedding wasn't amazing.
344
00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:09.560 line:5%
- Really, was it not?
- It was nothing.
345
00:19:09.560 --> 00:19:14.440 line:5%
It didn't bring all the country together.
It didn't feel pleasant or brilliant.
346
00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:16.600 line:5%
No one came in their droves.
It was nothing.
347
00:19:16.600 --> 00:19:18.160 line:5%
- Nothing at all?
- Nothing.
348
00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:22.080 line:5%
Nothing whatsoever. And that kind of
sums up the feeling here today.
349
00:19:22.080 --> 00:19:26.320 line:5%
A feeling of elation. A feeling
of reverence and a sense of community.
350
00:19:26.840 --> 00:19:32.000 line:5%
And a sense that until today,
literally nothing of worth has happened.
351
00:19:33.360 --> 00:19:34.280 line:5%
I'm getting word.
352
00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:38.840 line:5%
They both said "I do." It's happening.
They got married! They've done it!
353
00:19:38.840 --> 00:19:40.360 line:5%
They'll be together forever!
354
00:19:40.360 --> 00:19:41.920 line:5%
- Let's get in there.
355
00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:44.200
- Let's get in among you all.
356
00:19:44.200 --> 00:19:45.560
- We love it!
357
00:19:45.560 --> 00:19:46.640 line:5%
Look at this guy!
358
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:49.200 line:5%
This is history!
359
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:50.880 line:5%
This is marriage! This is wonderful!
360
00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:53.200 line:5%
It's only right...
361
00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:55.760 line:5%
He's done the best thing he'll ever do!
362
00:19:55.760 --> 00:19:57.800 line:5%
Let's kill him!
He's got nothing more to give.
363
00:19:58.480 --> 00:19:59.480 line:5%
Give me that!
364
00:19:59.480 --> 00:20:01.000 line:5%
Don't hog that cream!
365
00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:02.080 line:5%
Mmm!
366
00:20:02.080 --> 00:20:04.240
- It's all wonderful.
367
00:20:04.240 --> 00:20:05.280 line:5%
I love it!
368
00:20:05.280 --> 00:20:07.320 line:5%
With everybody in the world looking.
369
00:20:07.320 --> 00:20:10.040 line:5%
This is marriage! This is commitment!
370
00:20:31.520 --> 00:20:33.840
It ain't gonna be... I mean, look at them.
371
00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:37.400
Hey, guys. Don't be too damn awesome.
372
00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:41.240
You'll make me want to quit my job
and play with you full-time!
373
00:20:42.120 --> 00:20:42.960
Bit of fun.
374
00:20:43.960 --> 00:20:48.360
Am I just loved up, or does it seem
like our kids are actually funny?
375
00:20:48.360 --> 00:20:49.960
Not just 'cause they're ours.
376
00:20:49.960 --> 00:20:52.000
Yeah. They're, like, actually funny.
377
00:20:53.160 --> 00:20:54.600
Yeah, they're so funny.
378
00:20:55.560 --> 00:20:58.640
You guys have such lovely rapport
with them. It's amazing.
379
00:20:59.120 --> 00:21:01.960
- We're still working on it with our Nick.
- Oh. Yeah.
380
00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:05.040
No, I get on with Nick. I'm a good dad.
381
00:21:06.560 --> 00:21:11.080
No offence, Geoff, but I think it's fair
to say these two are on another level.
382
00:21:11.080 --> 00:21:13.240
- That's so sweet.
- No competition.
383
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:16.240
We all have our own journey with it.
384
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:19.880
I'm always happy to talk
to little Nick if he's struggling.
385
00:21:19.880 --> 00:21:22.720
Aaron and Nick actually have
a pretty great thing going.
386
00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:25.360
Have you noticed that?
Best buds.
387
00:21:25.360 --> 00:21:27.120
- Just this little cowboy voice.
388
00:21:27.120 --> 00:21:29.320
- I don't know.
- Geoff, no.
389
00:21:30.040 --> 00:21:32.800
Okay, here's one.
Parent Advice Zone, please.
390
00:21:33.640 --> 00:21:36.080
Er, your son comes
into your room at 3:00 a.m.
391
00:21:36.080 --> 00:21:39.840
saying he dreamed you were flying away
from him and he couldn't reach you.
392
00:21:39.840 --> 00:21:42.440
- Mmm.
- How do you comfort him? Geoff?
393
00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:45.000
Er...
394
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:48.760
Er, I don't let him in my room.
395
00:21:49.720 --> 00:21:51.840
I don't like spending time
with him after 4:00 p.m.
396
00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:54.280
- Aw!
- 3:00, 4:00.
397
00:21:54.280 --> 00:21:55.960
That is such a shame.
398
00:21:55.960 --> 00:21:59.160
We prefer to be very attached.
That's quite disconnected.
399
00:21:59.960 --> 00:22:01.480
- Geoff, don't!
- Hey!
400
00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:03.080
Embarrassing.
401
00:22:03.080 --> 00:22:07.800
When Bo doesn't come and wake me up
in my room. I go in his room and get him.
402
00:22:07.800 --> 00:22:09.280
- Oh!
- Do you?
403
00:22:09.280 --> 00:22:12.480
- I love to. Stop that, Geoff.
- Bless...
404
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:13.680
Er... Oh.
405
00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:16.520
- Chatter machine deactivate, the BBQ bits.
- Here he goes.
406
00:22:16.520 --> 00:22:19.640
I hope you like your veg
the wellest of done-shire.
407
00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:22.760
"Wellest of done-shire." He's so funny.
408
00:22:23.360 --> 00:22:24.800
How do they think of these things?
409
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:26.280
Please, Geoff.
410
00:22:27.000 --> 00:22:29.520
If you strangle people,
you could really kill them.
411
00:22:31.080 --> 00:22:31.920
All right, yeah.
412
00:22:32.480 --> 00:22:35.120
Actually, look at that.
They're perfectly done!
413
00:22:39.520 --> 00:22:41.560
- Any burgers and chips?
- What's that?
414
00:22:41.560 --> 00:22:46.000
- Any burgers and chips?
- Oh! This is a flesh-free zone, actually.
415
00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:48.240
We are peas, trees, and planty McGees.
416
00:22:48.840 --> 00:22:51.080
We want the kids to grow up
with a leafy conscience.
417
00:22:51.080 --> 00:22:52.000
Yum!
418
00:22:52.560 --> 00:22:54.920
I feed my kid a big nugget every night.
419
00:22:56.360 --> 00:22:58.360
- It's big.
- The grub smells gorgeous.
420
00:22:58.360 --> 00:23:01.080
- How do you get veg to smell so good?
421
00:23:01.080 --> 00:23:03.600
Good Q. Well, like I say to my kids,
422
00:23:03.600 --> 00:23:07.000
just intro Olly and Sally
to the courgette of honour.
423
00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:08.640
And I'll let you do the honours.
424
00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:10.480
Oh! Careful there, Geoff. Whoops!
425
00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:12.760
Look, please do eat
as much as you can,
426
00:23:12.760 --> 00:23:15.160
I'll be up all night
gobbling otherwise. Yeah...
427
00:23:15.160 --> 00:23:17.560
I notice you keep trying to strangle me.
428
00:23:17.560 --> 00:23:20.720
You keep doing that, Geoff,
your kids will think you're weird.
429
00:23:22.040 --> 00:23:23.120
Bad dadding, mate.
430
00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:26.360
Oh, deary me.
431
00:23:26.360 --> 00:23:27.720
Right, you veg hogs!
432
00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:37.120
♪ What's happened here has made me feel
Like they don't think I'm amazing ♪
433
00:23:39.080 --> 00:23:43.360
♪ They're really nice and they're yet
To imply that I'm similar to them ♪
434
00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:49.200
♪ Despite my lack of proof
I am the best out of the group ♪
435
00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:52.880
♪ And they refuse to admit it is true ♪
436
00:23:52.880 --> 00:23:56.120
♪ And that makes me doubt
That I am good ♪
437
00:23:58.360 --> 00:23:59.600
♪ So I gotta get 'em ♪
438
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:02.160
♪ So I gotta get 'em ♪
439
00:24:03.560 --> 00:24:05.080
♪ So I gotta get 'em ♪
440
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.440
Get us? How do you mean?
441
00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:10.480
I don't know.
442
00:24:11.040 --> 00:24:12.120
What? Like, kill us?
443
00:24:13.480 --> 00:24:15.320
- Yeah, maybe.
- God.
444
00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:17.960
Erm, are you okay
if I call the police, then?
445
00:24:21.640 --> 00:24:24.120
♪ I've been rumbled, they got me saying ♪
446
00:24:24.120 --> 00:24:26.120
♪ My intentions really near them
And to them ♪
447
00:24:26.120 --> 00:24:28.480
He's in the garden.
He's saying he's gonna get us.
448
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:32.760
♪ They'll never get me, you all know it
'Cause I'm the one who gets them ♪
449
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:39.320
♪ Why can't I just be thick
Around my kid and not that invested ♪
450
00:24:39.320 --> 00:24:43.240
♪ While also being seen
As an amazing dad? ♪
451
00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:46.240
♪ It would be so convenient ♪
452
00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:49.480
♪ To not have to prove
A thing while getting ♪
453
00:24:49.480 --> 00:24:51.920
♪ A pat on the back for it ♪
454
00:24:54.320 --> 00:24:55.800
♪ Ugh, I didn't get him ♪
455
00:24:57.080 --> 00:24:58.360
♪ Oh, we're gonna get him ♪
456
00:24:59.640 --> 00:25:01.080
♪ But I didn't get him ♪
457
00:25:02.360 --> 00:25:04.360
♪ Can I have a burger and chips? ♪
458
00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:11.840
♪ You were young once
Don't try to be it again ♪
459
00:25:12.360 --> 00:25:17.720
♪ Don't start to think you're dead
'Cause your face is different ♪
460
00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:22.760
Need you down there, Seb.
Looking cool, by the way.
461
00:25:26.840 --> 00:25:27.680
Hey, Nick.
462
00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:34.040
New series, new location in Cornwall,
463
00:25:34.040 --> 00:25:37.640
new chicks, new lads,
and one hot new twist.
464
00:25:38.320 --> 00:25:42.840
Your breath better not stink of shit,
'cause this is Kiss Villa.
465
00:25:48.520 --> 00:25:52.800
Let's meet the boys and girls
looking for tongue time in the sunshine.
466
00:25:52.800 --> 00:25:57.520
You all right? I'm Vin. I'm 20. I call
my abs sisters 'cause they keep me strong
467
00:25:57.520 --> 00:25:59.920
and I tell 'em everything.
468
00:25:59.920 --> 00:26:03.120
I'm J-Barb. I'm 39.
I'm trouble, I've got stubble,
469
00:26:03.120 --> 00:26:05.360
and I love to kiss above all.
470
00:26:05.360 --> 00:26:09.680
Hi, I'm Seb. I'm actually
the format creator of Kiss Villa.
471
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:12.400
I've been trying to get
on the show since I came up with it.
472
00:26:13.520 --> 00:26:17.320
Hi, I'm Hugo. I'm 6'1".
473
00:26:18.680 --> 00:26:20.000
I'm 6'1".
474
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:23.480
Best night of my life?
475
00:26:23.480 --> 00:26:27.360
This one evening, yeah, I kissed
a different girl every 15 seconds.
476
00:26:27.360 --> 00:26:29.480
That was a special night that.
477
00:26:30.120 --> 00:26:32.280
Let's just say
I'm a kiss enthusiast.
478
00:26:32.280 --> 00:26:34.760
I just think
kissing is completely brilliant.
479
00:26:34.760 --> 00:26:36.640
Oh, God, my best feature?
480
00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:40.640
I'd probably have to say my gums. I had
serious problems with them growing up
481
00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:44.040
'cause I ate too much brown sauce,
so I had to keep my kissing small.
482
00:26:44.040 --> 00:26:46.720
But I had 'em scraped pre-Villa, so yeah.
483
00:26:46.720 --> 00:26:48.640
Looking forward to much bigger kisses.
484
00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:49.920
Mwah!
485
00:26:50.680 --> 00:26:54.480
Four sets of laddie lips
in need of a kissy fix.
486
00:26:55.120 --> 00:26:57.240
- Get down here.
- Fucking hell.
487
00:26:57.240 --> 00:26:59.120
- What you thinking?
- Get that, man.
488
00:26:59.120 --> 00:27:01.160
- How you doing?
- It smells beautiful.
489
00:27:01.720 --> 00:27:04.840
- Flowers in bloom.
- Oh, my God, man.
490
00:27:04.840 --> 00:27:06.800
- You see that house?
- How are we doing? Good?
491
00:27:06.800 --> 00:27:08.200
Oh, my God, man.
492
00:27:08.200 --> 00:27:10.200
Oh. Look at this pool, man!
493
00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:13.080
Boys, it's great to have you,
and you're looking pucker.
494
00:27:13.080 --> 00:27:15.680
- Not looking bad yourself.
- Hey.
495
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:18.720
Speaking of pucker, here come
the girls you might want to kiss.
496
00:27:21.640 --> 00:27:26.960
I'm Georgina. I'm 21. I used to be
a dancer. And these days, I'm a dancer.
497
00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:29.720
I'm Ellin. I design funky coffins.
498
00:27:29.720 --> 00:27:33.240
Erm, I had my tongue piercing removed
and the hole just kept getting wider.
499
00:27:34.360 --> 00:27:36.240
Are you all right
doing this, Checky?
500
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:40.360
Sorry, I'm incredibly, erm,
full and bunged up.
501
00:27:40.360 --> 00:27:46.520
I'm Nafaf, short for Natalie Fafani.
And my last kiss was, well, let's just say
502
00:27:46.520 --> 00:27:49.640
around a certain Brexit referendum.
503
00:27:49.640 --> 00:27:53.720
So, yeah, 20... 2016.
504
00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:58.320
I always say
it's not the kiss that matters.
505
00:27:58.320 --> 00:28:01.240
It's how nice the kiss is
with the guy you're kissing.
506
00:28:02.680 --> 00:28:04.640
I've been single for three months now.
507
00:28:05.120 --> 00:28:10.480
Yeah, I'm a young mum with a kooky tongue
looking to get a tongue through my tongue.
508
00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:12.360
Oh, yeah.
509
00:28:12.360 --> 00:28:15.160
- Some very special women.
- Lovely.
510
00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:19.000
- Not a bad one in the bunch, man. Not one.
- Wow!
511
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:21.880
- Got some eager beavers waiting.
- Looking good, girls.
512
00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:23.880
Sent from heaven, man. Jackpot.
513
00:28:25.760 --> 00:28:27.800
- Yeah, get into that, man.
- You all right?
514
00:28:27.800 --> 00:28:28.760
Hello.
515
00:28:29.360 --> 00:28:31.680
Boys, I mean, what do we make of all that?
516
00:28:31.680 --> 00:28:33.080
- Yes.
- Love it.
517
00:28:33.080 --> 00:28:35.160
Very nice.
518
00:28:35.160 --> 00:28:36.800
Great. And girls, what do we think?
519
00:28:36.800 --> 00:28:39.720
- I mean, yeah, you're all right.
- Thumbs up.
520
00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:40.640
Rock and roll.
521
00:28:41.600 --> 00:28:44.760
Okay, now we've all had
a good lookie at each other's lippies.
522
00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:46.560
I'd like you all
523
00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:48.840
to join me at the barrel.
524
00:28:52.120 --> 00:28:55.120
- Already? We just got here.
- That's a little serious.
525
00:28:55.120 --> 00:28:56.920
I'm up for whatever, man.
526
00:28:57.680 --> 00:29:01.040
As much as I wish I'd gathered you
round this bazza for a laugh,
527
00:29:01.040 --> 00:29:02.200
that's not the case.
528
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:04.600
I've gathered you round this baz
529
00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:09.240
to tell you
that in this series of Kiss Villa,
530
00:29:10.200 --> 00:29:11.120
there's a twist.
531
00:29:11.120 --> 00:29:12.120
Oh.
532
00:29:12.120 --> 00:29:13.320
Oh, no.
533
00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:16.640
- Oh, my God.
- And that twist is,
534
00:29:16.640 --> 00:29:19.560
there are four boys, there are four girls.
535
00:29:20.920 --> 00:29:22.200
But only one boy
536
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:24.400
and one girl
537
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:27.440
is attractive.
538
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:29.800
♪ We're staying up all night ♪
539
00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:38.680
And it is up to you
to work out who it is on your team.
540
00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:39.600
My God.
541
00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:42.440
That is insane.
542
00:29:43.920 --> 00:29:45.680
♪ We're staying up all night ♪
543
00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:50.120
If you get it right, you'll get a party
that lasts the entirety of the shoot.
544
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:53.840
Red wine and carbonara every day.
545
00:29:57.080 --> 00:29:58.720
- Love carbonara.
- I want...
546
00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:00.560
- I getty, getty.
- If you get it wrong,
547
00:30:02.120 --> 00:30:04.680
everyone, apart from the hot couple,
548
00:30:06.040 --> 00:30:11.120
has to crouch down, face to the floor
for the remaining eight weeks.
549
00:30:14.360 --> 00:30:17.800
I love standing up, man.
I love standing up, man.
550
00:30:17.800 --> 00:30:21.840
Right. You've got
until I can smash through this B
551
00:30:22.440 --> 00:30:24.800
with this sledgehammer to decide.
552
00:30:24.800 --> 00:30:25.960
Off you go.
553
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:27.800
Okay, quick, over to the nook.
554
00:30:27.800 --> 00:30:29.040
Let's go.
555
00:30:29.040 --> 00:30:31.880
- Right, boys, come on, let's go.
- Let's get to that nook.
556
00:30:37.800 --> 00:30:41.000
- Right.
- It is a really tough decision.
557
00:30:43.560 --> 00:30:44.400
It's a toughie.
558
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:46.600
I'm gonna say
straight out the boozer, man.
559
00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:51.160
I think it's me. I think it's me.
I've just got this feeling, man.
560
00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:55.480
Do you know what I mean? I want
that carbonara. We gotta get this right.
561
00:30:55.480 --> 00:30:57.520
- I also thought it was me, actually.
- Did you?
562
00:30:58.080 --> 00:31:01.720
I just think that because
I'm a dancer and none of you are hot
563
00:31:01.720 --> 00:31:05.720
- that it might be me, or...
- Right, yeah, no.
564
00:31:05.720 --> 00:31:08.280
I did think that.
Er, that it could be either of us.
565
00:31:11.560 --> 00:31:15.120
You're safe. I mean, J-Barb, I think
you're a sick lad, but it's definitely me.
566
00:31:15.120 --> 00:31:19.280
I think you're great. I think you're all
good lads. I don't want to be doing this.
567
00:31:19.280 --> 00:31:20.760
But I feel like it's me.
568
00:31:21.360 --> 00:31:24.080
- I thought it was like either me or you.
- Well, or me.
569
00:31:24.080 --> 00:31:25.800
- But, like, me.
- Or me.
570
00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:28.600
It's definitely not you.
571
00:31:28.600 --> 00:31:32.040
You have the same thing? That's mad.
And you? You think it's you?
572
00:31:32.040 --> 00:31:33.600
- I think it's me.
573
00:31:33.600 --> 00:31:35.040
- How old are you?
- 57.
574
00:31:35.040 --> 00:31:36.160
Know what I mean?
575
00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:37.560
Right, you horrid lot.
576
00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:40.000
Let's get you back around the B.
577
00:31:40.560 --> 00:31:43.160
Sorry. Should we stand
in the same formation?
578
00:31:45.360 --> 00:31:47.200
This is not what I wanna be doing.
579
00:31:47.760 --> 00:31:48.640
Now,
580
00:31:49.200 --> 00:31:51.160
you've had a barrel of time to decide.
581
00:31:52.080 --> 00:31:56.480
Will whoever you've elected
as the only attractive people here
582
00:31:57.480 --> 00:31:58.320
step forward?
583
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:11.880
Okay, hotties, step forward, you trotties.
584
00:32:20.920 --> 00:32:23.320
- No, it's the young ones.
- Oh, right.
585
00:32:23.320 --> 00:32:24.440
Great.
586
00:32:24.440 --> 00:32:26.320
- What, these two?
- Yeah, exactly.
587
00:32:27.120 --> 00:32:30.480
- This carbonara is peng. Yeah.
- It's pretty good, innit?
588
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:32.320
I don't really eat it, I just look at it.
589
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:44.840
What's that?
590
00:32:44.840 --> 00:32:49.200
Oh, just some
light entertainment. Not for you? Okay.
591
00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:53.240
Erm, I'm sensing a little bit
of "Oh, dear!" from you, pal.
592
00:32:53.240 --> 00:32:58.160
Well, fear not.
Life won't always be as garish as that.
593
00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:02.600
Honestly, it's all hobbies
and silence from here on in.
594
00:33:02.600 --> 00:33:06.920
♪ You've loved ♪
595
00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:12.480
♪ You've loved for so long ♪
596
00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:18.560
♪ For so long, for so long ♪
597
00:33:19.640 --> 00:33:21.440
♪ For so long ♪
598
00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:33.960
- Mmm.
- Was that "Mmm"?
599
00:33:33.960 --> 00:33:34.880
Mmm.
600
00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:37.200
I was gonna say that, yeah. Mmm. Yeah.
601
00:33:43.160 --> 00:33:45.560
- Did you see this from Jack and Peter?
- Mmm-hmm.
602
00:33:45.560 --> 00:33:48.960
- Really good. It's really, really good.
- Great.
603
00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:53.240
Give it a read.
604
00:33:54.240 --> 00:33:56.040
"Happy 20th anniversary,
605
00:33:56.600 --> 00:33:58.680
Karl and Esther." What else?
606
00:33:58.680 --> 00:34:00.440
"AKA Mum and Dad."
607
00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:02.680
Oh, God.
608
00:34:03.560 --> 00:34:04.600
Er...
609
00:34:04.600 --> 00:34:05.520
I love that.
610
00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:07.760
"I hope you have a superb day."
611
00:34:07.760 --> 00:34:10.400
"We can't believe you're still in love."
612
00:34:11.240 --> 00:34:13.560
"From your uni boys, Jack and Peter."
613
00:34:14.120 --> 00:34:16.360
How about that? That's fantastic.
614
00:34:16.360 --> 00:34:17.719
Still in love.
615
00:34:17.719 --> 00:34:20.199
Oh!
616
00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:22.000
Mmm.
617
00:34:26.360 --> 00:34:27.880
Yes.
618
00:34:28.440 --> 00:34:29.679
What's that?
619
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:33.960
No, I was saying about... I love ya!
620
00:34:34.880 --> 00:34:36.679
- Great.
- Cheers.
621
00:34:36.679 --> 00:34:39.080
Ah.
622
00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:42.920
Is it this? Is it this? Is it this?
623
00:34:44.360 --> 00:34:46.880
That sort of thing,
if that makes any sense.
624
00:34:47.560 --> 00:34:52.840
I want to tell the whole of flipping,
er, Suffolk that we are still in love.
625
00:34:53.679 --> 00:34:55.120
So, let's prove it.
626
00:34:56.159 --> 00:34:57.080
Yeah.
627
00:35:02.880 --> 00:35:04.840
♪ I married you ♪
628
00:35:04.840 --> 00:35:06.440
♪ And I love you... ♪
629
00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:08.560
...sort of thing. Is it that?
630
00:35:08.560 --> 00:35:12.200
♪ I love you so much ♪
631
00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:16.120
♪ You know, we've been together for ages ♪
632
00:35:16.120 --> 00:35:17.080
Right?
633
00:35:17.080 --> 00:35:18.360
♪ For years ♪
634
00:35:18.360 --> 00:35:19.360
Incredible.
635
00:35:19.360 --> 00:35:25.120
♪ And I don't want to
Get enough of being with you ♪
636
00:35:26.840 --> 00:35:32.480
♪ I'll sing, seeing you breathing ♪
637
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:34.960
- It's going a bit cold.
- Oh, God. Yeah.
638
00:35:35.560 --> 00:35:38.800
One second, I will continue.
Don't put those in there.
639
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:39.880
- Dangerous.
- Yeah.
640
00:35:40.440 --> 00:35:42.080
♪ I love you ♪
641
00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:46.080
♪ And spending all my time ♪
642
00:35:46.080 --> 00:35:49.800
♪ With you in our house
All the time 'cause ♪
643
00:35:49.800 --> 00:35:51.200
- Ooh!
644
00:35:51.200 --> 00:35:54.080
♪ You know I love you so much ♪
645
00:35:54.720 --> 00:35:57.840
♪ And I'll never let you go ♪
646
00:35:58.320 --> 00:35:59.880
♪ My babe ♪
647
00:36:01.920 --> 00:36:03.640
Is it that sort of thing?
648
00:36:04.920 --> 00:36:05.880
Brilliant.
649
00:36:06.600 --> 00:36:07.600
Erm...
650
00:36:07.600 --> 00:36:10.320
- Come on. Do you want to have a go?
651
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:14.280
You've got the food. Yeah. Let it go down.
God. Imagine you up there singing...
652
00:36:14.280 --> 00:36:15.200
"Puh, puh, puh..."
653
00:36:15.200 --> 00:36:17.960
Spitting it... But do when you get...
Finished, swallowed it.
654
00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:19.160
- I'm off to bed.
- Right.
655
00:36:19.160 --> 00:36:21.000
Because I've gotta be up at 10:00 a.m.
656
00:36:21.720 --> 00:36:23.760
Dear God. Yeah. Well, please.
657
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:25.760
It's fine.
658
00:36:28.160 --> 00:36:29.280
Yeah. Go, go, go.
659
00:36:35.200 --> 00:36:36.440
Alexa, what's the time?
660
00:36:37.240 --> 00:36:39.040
The time is 6:45.
661
00:36:39.600 --> 00:36:40.440
Is it?
662
00:36:53.640 --> 00:36:57.520
Did you see that photo
of me and Helen in Rome eating pizza?
663
00:36:57.520 --> 00:36:59.440
- Can I have a look at that?
664
00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:03.000
In a second, Grandad. Andy, you haven't
commented on that pic of me.
665
00:37:03.000 --> 00:37:04.760
Can I see that pic?
666
00:37:04.760 --> 00:37:07.760
How do I, er... say a comment about--
667
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:11.840
Oh, my God. We... we should set up
a thread just for family photos.
668
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:15.120
I'd love to have... a thread... please.
669
00:37:15.120 --> 00:37:17.720
- We're going. Love you. Happy birthday.
- Thanks...
670
00:37:17.720 --> 00:37:22.040
Thanks for the computer,
and remember to include me in things.
671
00:37:30.360 --> 00:37:33.400
But since then, he started
a small potted plant business.
672
00:37:33.400 --> 00:37:35.840
This year will be his first
Chelsea Flower Show,
673
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:38.160
and he'll be exhibiting
alongside his wife.
674
00:37:40.520 --> 00:37:44.720
Elderly people find it
seriously bloody hard to use tech.
675
00:37:44.720 --> 00:37:46.400
I can't do it.
676
00:37:48.400 --> 00:37:49.760
I can help you do it.
677
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:53.800
I cannot stand Google.
678
00:37:53.800 --> 00:37:56.120
No, Google is amazing, man.
679
00:37:57.680 --> 00:38:01.520
The tip of my finger keeps getting bigger.
680
00:38:01.520 --> 00:38:03.840
I think I must be allergic to my dog.
681
00:38:04.320 --> 00:38:06.120
That is not to do with tech.
682
00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:11.120
Hi, I'm Anthony Clance,
and I'm a thoroughly nice chap.
683
00:38:11.600 --> 00:38:14.800
And I'll come around
and we'll have a couple of black coffees.
684
00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:19.080
And we'll have you tackling
extremely difficult tech at your pace.
685
00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:22.400
Easing You In with Anthony Clance.
686
00:38:25.520 --> 00:38:26.640
So, what do you think?
687
00:38:30.760 --> 00:38:31.960
What do you think?
688
00:38:33.800 --> 00:38:34.800
Hello?
689
00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:38.480
- One second, David.
- That's all right.
690
00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:49.560
Hello, Terry Gill speaking.
691
00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:54.560
You're just looking at me.
Okay? Have I got a cute cat on my face?
692
00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:58.960
Do you want me to help you with tech?
I can ease you in.
693
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:01.400
I beg your pardon?
694
00:39:02.040 --> 00:39:03.160
Never beg, Terry.
695
00:39:04.080 --> 00:39:06.320
It puts a "B" among the egg.
696
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:12.400
Now, tell me, Terry,
how can I help you with the tech?
697
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:16.200
Er, can we do this some other time?
698
00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:18.920
Oh, come on, Gill. T-Gill.
699
00:39:19.600 --> 00:39:22.000
We've both got a couple of black coffees.
700
00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:25.760
Why are you so manic
and stubborn about the tech?
701
00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:27.640
Become more chilled out.
702
00:39:27.640 --> 00:39:31.120
And before you know it,
you'll be doing an upward thumb.
703
00:39:32.080 --> 00:39:33.120
Okay.
704
00:39:33.680 --> 00:39:35.160
How much are your services?
705
00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:39.760
Don't be so wild, T-Gill.
706
00:39:40.240 --> 00:39:42.240
It's free. We both need this.
707
00:39:42.720 --> 00:39:44.960
You want to be an IT whiz,
708
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:49.280
and I want to live in a world
where no person is slowing things down.
709
00:39:49.280 --> 00:39:54.000
Now, tell me,
what tech can I help you with the tech?
710
00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:55.760
Er...
711
00:39:55.760 --> 00:39:58.800
I wasn't sure how to get on the thread.
712
00:39:59.640 --> 00:40:03.480
And to look at photos
and talk to my family.
713
00:40:03.480 --> 00:40:04.440
Texts.
714
00:40:05.160 --> 00:40:08.840
- Yeah, but also photos--
- It's all texts!
715
00:40:10.040 --> 00:40:16.120
I came all the way down from Glasgow
to teach you about the majesty of tech.
716
00:40:16.120 --> 00:40:19.040
And you want me to show you texts?
717
00:40:20.280 --> 00:40:21.200
Oh.
718
00:40:21.200 --> 00:40:23.000
Do you not know how to do them?
719
00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:26.280
Do I know how to do texts?
720
00:40:26.280 --> 00:40:28.240
Are you shaking my piss?
721
00:40:28.720 --> 00:40:32.080
I'm doing texts in my slumber, Terry G.
722
00:40:32.080 --> 00:40:36.680
I'm not here to text,
GIF, or little smiling face.
723
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:41.640
No, tell me why
you really brought me here.
724
00:40:43.080 --> 00:40:44.440
I didn't know I had.
725
00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:49.040
Well then, I consider you
to be dumb to me.
726
00:40:49.640 --> 00:40:54.520
I consider you to be dumb for me, Terry,
asking me easy questions like this.
727
00:40:55.040 --> 00:40:57.560
I consider you to be dumb to me.
728
00:40:59.360 --> 00:41:00.280
Show me.
729
00:41:01.520 --> 00:41:03.680
Show me what you can do with the tech.
730
00:41:03.680 --> 00:41:06.520
Er... Well, er... Er, er...
731
00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:08.840
I know how to turn it on.
732
00:41:10.680 --> 00:41:12.360
- Er...
733
00:41:15.080 --> 00:41:18.720
Oh, you're making your laptop into gunk.
734
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:20.800
Terry doesn't get tech.
735
00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:25.080
Gilly.
736
00:41:25.640 --> 00:41:26.520
Gilly.
737
00:41:27.000 --> 00:41:29.680
What are you doing, Gilly? Calm down.
738
00:41:30.200 --> 00:41:33.080
Leave me be. I just want to see.
739
00:41:33.080 --> 00:41:35.360
See what? The texts?
740
00:41:35.360 --> 00:41:37.520
And pictures. Don't shout at me.
741
00:41:37.520 --> 00:41:40.440
I'm not a part of it, but I need to be.
742
00:41:40.440 --> 00:41:44.560
I wanted to comment
on the thread.
743
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:48.480
I'm bored.
744
00:41:49.280 --> 00:41:51.120
I'm so bored.
745
00:41:52.360 --> 00:41:55.080
I'm lonely and I'm bored.
746
00:41:56.320 --> 00:41:58.800
Tez man. Gilly T.
747
00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:01.720
I think I'm starting to get you, G.
748
00:42:02.280 --> 00:42:05.360
Do you know how lucky you are to be bored?
749
00:42:05.880 --> 00:42:07.800
You're free from distraction.
750
00:42:07.800 --> 00:42:10.680
And I love you for that, Terry.
751
00:42:11.440 --> 00:42:14.280
But... but I need it!
752
00:42:14.280 --> 00:42:18.840
I just told you, Terry man,
you don't need it!
753
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:22.080
Do you want to be like them?
Scrambled egg?
754
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:29.280
Okay, fine. I will show it to you,
you silliness.
755
00:42:32.640 --> 00:42:35.760
See? It's nothing. Cat shit.
756
00:42:36.720 --> 00:42:40.480
Here is Luton Larry,
and what is he even doing big style?
757
00:42:41.040 --> 00:42:44.760
You don't need this tech,
and you don't need me.
758
00:42:45.240 --> 00:42:48.360
- Just do nothing, Tez man G.
759
00:42:50.360 --> 00:42:53.680
Nothing is better than Luton Larry.
760
00:42:55.400 --> 00:42:56.240
Now,
761
00:42:57.880 --> 00:43:00.080
you're gonna wake up in a minute, Terry.
762
00:43:00.080 --> 00:43:02.600
And when you do, I want you to promise me
763
00:43:03.120 --> 00:43:05.640
you're going to do something
that makes you happy.
764
00:43:08.120 --> 00:43:09.040
Thank you.
765
00:43:19.760 --> 00:43:22.080
But since then
he's started a small...
766
00:43:23.560 --> 00:43:24.680
Ah.
767
00:43:48.120 --> 00:43:51.880
Hi, are you all right?
Clive, yeah? Dr Jack, yeah?
768
00:43:52.480 --> 00:43:55.000
So, for me, Clive, you are looking well.
769
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:58.120
Yeah? One of the boys.
Is that a new drip?
770
00:43:58.680 --> 00:43:59.520
Yes.
771
00:43:59.520 --> 00:44:01.320
Yeah, mate. Looks fire.
772
00:44:01.320 --> 00:44:03.960
Look, basically, I wanted
to pull you for a chat today
773
00:44:03.960 --> 00:44:07.160
just to chat about your results
and be a bit caring towards you, really.
774
00:44:07.160 --> 00:44:11.680
- Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah. So, for me, it's got quite bad.
775
00:44:11.680 --> 00:44:15.480
Yeah. And for me, you've got
this quite rare blood thing. To me.
776
00:44:15.480 --> 00:44:17.080
Hmm. Okay.
777
00:44:17.080 --> 00:44:20.200
So, where my head's at,
in terms of the truth,
778
00:44:20.200 --> 00:44:22.520
is you've got sort of between two minutes
779
00:44:22.520 --> 00:44:25.240
and two minutes,
15 seconds before you're dead.
780
00:44:25.240 --> 00:44:27.400
- Okay, thank you.
- That's all right, don't worry.
781
00:44:27.400 --> 00:44:30.320
Zack here, he's going to sort
your body out when you go, yeah?
782
00:44:30.320 --> 00:44:32.920
And you can
say your last words to him, all right?
783
00:44:32.920 --> 00:44:35.600
Er, is there anything else
I can get for you, fella?
784
00:44:36.320 --> 00:44:37.760
Please say no.
785
00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:39.760
No.
786
00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:42.560
Yes, see you later.
787
00:45:18.200 --> 00:45:20.240
♪ I'm gonna die ♪
788
00:45:20.920 --> 00:45:22.760
♪ So, that's nice ♪
789
00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:27.800
♪ I've never died before ♪
790
00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:32.000
♪ I've been Clive ♪
791
00:45:32.800 --> 00:45:35.400
♪ With Clive's kidneys and eyes ♪
792
00:45:35.920 --> 00:45:38.320
♪ Since I've been alive ♪
793
00:45:38.920 --> 00:45:41.400
♪ So, can I say goodbye ♪
794
00:45:42.320 --> 00:45:44.160
♪ To Clive's body, I... ♪
795
00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:47.040
♪ Want to thank it for ♪
796
00:45:47.720 --> 00:45:51.000
♪ Getting me around and in the bath ♪
797
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:01.560
Oh!
798
00:46:06.920 --> 00:46:10.120
Wonderful. How delightful!
799
00:46:10.760 --> 00:46:12.800
How... how delightful!
800
00:46:13.320 --> 00:46:15.480
How... how lovely!
801
00:46:17.320 --> 00:46:18.320
Well,
802
00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:23.920
maybe I've got a couple of minutes
to say goodbye to my body.
803
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:28.960
♪ Goodbye to my teeth ♪
804
00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:33.600
♪ Thank you
For the difficult meat you bit ♪
805
00:46:33.600 --> 00:46:37.000
♪ Ta-ta to my feet ♪
806
00:46:37.000 --> 00:46:41.160
♪ Your beautiful toes
Thin as cigarettes ♪
807
00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:43.240
♪ Goodbye, knee ♪
808
00:46:43.240 --> 00:46:44.880
♪ Remember me ♪
809
00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:46.960
♪ And the several times ♪
810
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:49.080
♪ I got you to kneel ♪
811
00:46:50.040 --> 00:46:51.120
Get rid!
812
00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:54.240
Ah.
813
00:46:54.800 --> 00:46:55.640
Oh, hang on.
814
00:46:55.640 --> 00:46:56.840
Did someone lock this?
815
00:46:56.840 --> 00:46:58.320
- The other door.
- What?
816
00:46:58.320 --> 00:46:59.640
- You locked the door.
- What?
817
00:46:59.640 --> 00:47:01.920
- Can't get the gurney out.
- Got my hands full.
818
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:03.840
I need body bags. Give me the bags.
819
00:47:03.840 --> 00:47:06.080
I don't have any body bags.
Use bin bags.
820
00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:08.280
Fucking idiot, man.
821
00:47:09.480 --> 00:47:11.120
- ♪ Goodbye, shoulder... ♪
822
00:47:11.120 --> 00:47:14.200
- What are you doing later?
- What, are you up for something?
823
00:47:14.200 --> 00:47:15.320
♪ How we got older... ♪
824
00:47:15.320 --> 00:47:17.240
I reckon we take it off early, mate.
825
00:47:17.240 --> 00:47:18.440
I'm up for that.
826
00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:21.000
What are you...
But don't you have to do this body?
827
00:47:21.000 --> 00:47:23.560
- True. How far is the morgue?
- Huh?
828
00:47:23.560 --> 00:47:25.440
Morgue's a bit of a trek from here, innit?
829
00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:28.880
♪ Goodbye to my hand ♪
830
00:47:28.880 --> 00:47:30.880
♪ You've shook the hand ♪
831
00:47:30.880 --> 00:47:32.320
♪ Of the Polish President ♪
832
00:47:33.680 --> 00:47:35.080
- Oi!
833
00:47:35.080 --> 00:47:36.480
It stinks in here, boys.
834
00:47:39.520 --> 00:47:41.640
Erm, I think I want to go now.
835
00:47:45.600 --> 00:47:47.120
Okay, I'll level with you.
836
00:47:47.120 --> 00:47:49.880
No harmonies for this bit.
Please, you need to please...
837
00:47:49.880 --> 00:47:51.240
- Thank you.
838
00:47:51.240 --> 00:47:55.080
A lot of this hasn't looked great.
I can see that, but take my word for it.
839
00:47:55.080 --> 00:47:59.920
There's a lot more to life than sex
and marriage and being thrown in the bin.
840
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:02.560
You know,
you'll learn to love the minutia.
841
00:48:08.520 --> 00:48:11.360
What's that noise?
842
00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:13.720
That? You like that,
do you?
843
00:48:13.720 --> 00:48:16.880
That's people talking.
If you like that, you'll be all right.
844
00:48:17.360 --> 00:48:21.240
That's the majority of life, really,
just listening to people saying stuff.
845
00:48:21.800 --> 00:48:23.880
A harmony of human interaction.
846
00:48:23.880 --> 00:48:28.240
Look, believe me, everything anyone has
ever said is incredible, too, you know.
847
00:48:28.240 --> 00:48:29.320
Do you know what?
848
00:48:29.320 --> 00:48:31.640
Have a little listen now. Go on.
849
00:48:32.320 --> 00:48:34.400
Everyone's saying everything.
850
00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:36.960
- Nice shop but expensive, isn't it?
- Yeah.
851
00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:38.680
God I love a bit of crap telly.
852
00:48:38.680 --> 00:48:41.800
Imagine how long it would take
to do a pub crawl around here.
853
00:48:46.280 --> 00:48:47.640
Have a nice day.
854
00:48:51.200 --> 00:48:53.480
♪ There really are a lot
Of milks these days ♪
855
00:48:53.480 --> 00:48:56.120
♪ Have you seen all the milks? ♪
856
00:48:56.720 --> 00:48:59.320
♪ We're always on our
Bloody phones these days ♪
857
00:48:59.320 --> 00:49:02.320
♪ So we've got to look after
Our mental health ♪
858
00:49:02.320 --> 00:49:04.640
♪ And we've got to look after our phones ♪
859
00:49:05.400 --> 00:49:07.880
♪ This guy really cracks me up ♪
860
00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:11.240
♪ This guy is hilarious ♪
861
00:49:11.240 --> 00:49:12.520
What's so funny?
862
00:49:12.520 --> 00:49:14.520
♪ We were both just swearing ♪
863
00:49:14.520 --> 00:49:17.480
♪ And talking about
How pineapple on pizza's not nice ♪
864
00:49:17.480 --> 00:49:19.800
We prefer other toppings, for fuck's sake!
865
00:49:19.800 --> 00:49:22.120
♪ The thing about me is I ride my bike ♪
866
00:49:22.120 --> 00:49:24.240
♪ And I also ride my bike ♪
867
00:49:25.400 --> 00:49:28.200
♪ The thing about me is I need my coffee ♪
868
00:49:29.120 --> 00:49:30.440
♪ What am I like? ♪
869
00:49:30.440 --> 00:49:31.680
♪ What are we like? ♪
870
00:49:31.680 --> 00:49:33.640
♪ And I ride my bike ♪
871
00:49:33.640 --> 00:49:36.280
♪ He's offending me ♪
872
00:49:36.280 --> 00:49:39.280
♪ I'm offending you ♪
873
00:49:39.280 --> 00:49:42.280
♪ It makes no sense
You don't want to be with me ♪
874
00:49:42.280 --> 00:49:45.040
♪ Can't you see I want to be with you ♪
875
00:49:45.040 --> 00:49:47.640
Sorry. Who are you?
Do you know who this is?
876
00:49:47.640 --> 00:49:48.560
No clue.
877
00:49:48.560 --> 00:49:53.280
♪ Everyone is saying everything ♪
878
00:49:53.840 --> 00:49:58.160
♪ And we all can't wait to hear
What everyone has got to say ♪
879
00:49:58.160 --> 00:49:59.600
I'm absolutely shattered.
880
00:49:59.600 --> 00:50:04.520
♪ Everyone is saying something cool ♪
881
00:50:05.040 --> 00:50:06.640
♪ Say what you think you think ♪
882
00:50:06.640 --> 00:50:11.840
♪ And please don't think before you say ♪
883
00:50:11.840 --> 00:50:13.280
♪ Anything ♪
884
00:50:15.800 --> 00:50:17.080
So how far along are you?
885
00:50:17.720 --> 00:50:19.520
Er, about eight and a half months.
886
00:50:19.520 --> 00:50:23.840
Bloody hell. Was just telling my friend
on the phone I'm completely knackered.
887
00:50:25.480 --> 00:50:26.400
Shattered.
888
00:50:27.120 --> 00:50:31.560
♪ Everyone is saying everything ♪
889
00:50:32.400 --> 00:50:37.560
♪ And we're all in love
With what everyone has got to say ♪
890
00:50:38.480 --> 00:50:43.040
♪ Everyone is saying something great ♪
891
00:50:43.040 --> 00:50:44.120
I actually feel ill.
892
00:50:44.120 --> 00:50:45.600
♪ Say it in a tweet ♪
893
00:50:45.600 --> 00:50:46.960
♪ Then go to sleep ♪
894
00:50:46.960 --> 00:50:49.240
♪ And when you wake ♪
895
00:50:50.440 --> 00:50:51.960
♪ Say more things ♪
896
00:50:52.880 --> 00:50:56.000
Drop a beat,
you fucking madman.
897
00:50:56.000 --> 00:50:58.720
Some people say what they need to say
through dance, apparently.
898
00:51:01.160 --> 00:51:03.000
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
899
00:51:14.240 --> 00:51:18.480
♪ Saying things ♪
900
00:51:19.800 --> 00:51:22.200
♪ Saying things ♪
901
00:51:22.200 --> 00:51:23.720
♪ Go on! ♪