1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,320 [coughing] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:10,960 - [singers vocalising] - [singer clearing throat] 5 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,480 [narrator] Okay. Everybody ready? 6 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,400 - Yeah. - Yes. 7 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:14,760 [narrator] One, two, three. 8 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,240 [singers vocalising] 9 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,080 [narrator] Ah! Look, it's life, 10 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:31,560 and what a young life you are, insanely young, minus one. 11 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:35,640 In fact, if you can hear me, can I ask you a question? 12 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,480 - [man] Yeah. - [narrator] Okay. 13 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,000 Do you know that you're about to be born? 14 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,280 - [man] Yeah. - [narrator] Oh, right. 15 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:47,600 Well, are you nervous, then, about what's going to happen in life? 16 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,120 - [man] Yeah. - [narrator] Of course you are. 17 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,840 Well, why don't we leave this one to us then? 18 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:56,360 ♪ Listen, yes, that's it ♪ 19 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,440 [clears throat] 20 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:03,960 ♪ Listen, we understand how you're feeling But you got it all wrong ♪ 21 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,880 ♪ Life is really nice ♪ 22 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:14,920 ♪ And I ain't no goddamn salesman But I wanna sell you on it ♪ 23 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,000 ♪ So strap into your womb baby... ♪ 24 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,160 ...as we go on a journey through different lives. 25 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:24,640 [captivating music playing] 26 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:31,680 From the moment you're born... [chuckles] you just spend so much time having fun. 27 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,640 You know, you don't even realise that while you're having this fun, 28 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,160 you are learning. 29 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,200 - [man muttering] - [laughing] 30 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,120 What's this? 31 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,960 Oh, I want everyone to think you've done a watery shit, man. 32 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,720 [narrator] You're learning, and growing, and laughing, and being, 33 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,720 and becoming your very best self, 34 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:56,040 so that by the time you emerge into your teenage, butterfly form, 35 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,520 you're ready and you're beautiful. 36 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,600 Guess how much money Brad Pitt has? 37 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,080 Oh, don't... 38 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,520 What? I bet it's millions. 39 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,360 - A hundred billion. - No. 40 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,560 Hmm. 41 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:14,759 Who's Babbit? 42 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,080 Brad Pitt. 43 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:19,760 Oh. 44 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,120 Have you seen Cressy from school got a tattoo of a jacket on her head? 45 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,360 A jacket, yeah? 46 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:27,600 - So nice. - Yeah. 47 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:30,400 Oh, it's-- 48 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:35,160 No, it's not a jacket. It's like a cross, like a Jesus cross. 49 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,520 - Jesus cross, yeah? That's so nice. - Mmm. Mmm-hmm. 50 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:42,880 Mum? Can you send us up a pesto pasta, please? 51 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,200 - Sweet chili on mine. - Sweet chili on Chesha's. And on mine. 52 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:47,920 Mum, please. 53 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,600 Can you send us up a drink upstairs? I can't come down. I'm too thirsty. 54 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,240 Yeah. Can you send us up... Yeah, just a drink. 55 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,280 No, no, no, not water. Not water. 56 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,040 Yeah, fudge drink. 57 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,680 - Lexi. - Yeah, all right. 58 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,120 - Why is your mum tweeting about us? - What? 59 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,720 - My mum? - Yeah. 60 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,880 - What, on Twitter? - Yeah, listen. 61 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,040 "There's a problem with my son's generation." 62 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:25,320 "Him and his girlfriend have been rotting in bed all summer." 63 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:29,080 "I don't hear them laughing or enjoying themselves." 64 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,960 - I'm cra-- I'm cracking up 24/7. - Yeah, me too. Me too. 65 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,560 "I read a study saying this generation of teens 66 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:42,080 are having less sex than any generation of teens in history." 67 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,600 What? "My son is definitely proof of this." 68 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,840 What? 69 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,640 [gasps] 70 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,840 Is she trying to stress me out? 71 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,360 Mum! 72 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,840 You tweet... You tweeted! Yeah? 73 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,160 [Chesha gasps] 74 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:06,040 [clicks tongue] My God, Mum! Why are you doing that? Oh! 75 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,840 Like, is it embarrassing that we haven't had sex? 76 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,760 - I can't be arsed. - I can't be arsed. 77 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:15,000 Like, I don't wanna be doing, like, retro stuff, do you know what I mean? 78 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:20,080 I swear it's retro to be doing that. I'm busy doing, like, actual modern stuff. 79 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,440 [Chesha] Ugh! 80 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,560 Oh, my God, someone's written, "These two are frigid donkeys." 81 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,480 Someone's just tweeted that! Ugh! 82 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,880 You all right? 83 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,880 [clicks tongue] Ugh! Ugh! 84 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,240 - You all right? - [sighs] 85 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,440 Right. Lexi, we're doing it. We're having sex. Take your trousers off. 86 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,640 What? Oh, no, please, I can't be bothered. 87 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,320 I can't be bothered! 88 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,160 Like, everyone is now shitting on us online, 89 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,000 and I'm the one who's trying to protect our socials, 90 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,200 so just, like, take your trousers off and put your phone down! 91 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,800 [music playing faintly] 92 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,560 - Now! - All right! 93 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,200 You shouted at me for ages! 94 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,520 - Come on! - Peer pressuring me. 95 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,200 You're supposed to get me in the mood. 96 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,360 - You're making it worse. - It's an emotional moment. 97 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,360 - It's why we're acting like this. - Don't like it. 98 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,120 - I don't want to do it. - What's the point? 99 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,160 [Lexi breathing heavily] 100 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,360 I literally don't know what I'm doing. 101 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:23,120 [instrumental music playing] 102 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:37,840 ♪ How do I know if my penis is ready? ♪ 103 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,040 ♪ Just don't look at my bum ♪ 104 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,600 ♪ I think I wiped it But I can't be certain ♪ 105 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:48,360 ♪ Are we supposed to smile or something To get in the mood? ♪ 106 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,240 ♪ I'd rather not, I got a headache ♪ 107 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,120 ♪ And I'm not attracted To the way you look ♪ 108 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,440 ♪ You know I'm not sure it's gonna work ♪ 109 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,440 - ♪ 'Cause we're soft and dry ♪ - ♪ 'Cause we're soft and dry ♪ 110 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,880 ♪ How we gonna get it inside? ♪ 111 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:03,040 ♪ Why don't you press it Against my bits and pieces ♪ 112 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,280 ♪ And imagine that my hair looks nice ♪ 113 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:08,200 - ♪ But I'm still soft ♪ - ♪ I'm dry ♪ 114 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,160 - ♪ Shouldn't it feel more nice? ♪ - ♪ What's it like? ♪ 115 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:13,840 ♪ How do I describe? ♪ 116 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,840 It's like I'm trying to push a poo into a clamp, all right? 117 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,560 ♪ Yo, it's your mum's boyfriend What's going on? ♪ 118 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,360 ♪ You trying to have sex But it's going wrong? ♪ 119 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,240 ♪ Don't fret, there is a hope ♪ 120 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,520 ♪ Me and your mum Started using this Turkish soap ♪ 121 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,800 ♪ On the website It's listed as Turkish oil ♪ 122 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:36,200 ♪ But what kind of oil comes in bar form? It's a soap, no doubt ♪ 123 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,160 ♪ Their website's just dated and I think ♪ 124 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,520 ♪ The guy who started The business is jaded ♪ 125 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,840 ♪ I love it so much, I invested ♪ 126 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,640 ♪ I'm now a partner At Turkish Soap Ventures ♪ 127 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,760 ♪ But everyone I sold it to detests it ♪ 128 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,920 ♪ They say you can't Get it off your skin ♪ 129 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,040 - You cannot get it off your skin. - What the fuck are you doing in here? 130 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,120 Telling us about your business. I didn't know my mum had a boyfriend. 131 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,200 My bad. 132 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,440 - Damn. - What? 133 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,440 Elderly people need to shut up! Got me feeling things. 134 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,280 I hate feeling things! Do you know what I mean? 135 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,040 My heartbeat's going, I'm feeling hot. I hate it. 136 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,600 Yeah, you are really hot... 137 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,520 [sniffs] ...and you stink of BO. 138 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,920 Yeah. You stink too, actually. You reek. 139 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:27,000 I actually really like the way you smelt under the blanket. 140 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,480 I don't know why, but I liked the way you smelt under the blanket too. 141 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,200 ♪ Wait, yeah My dick feels like a magnet ♪ 142 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,560 ♪ Is there metal in vaginas 'cause... ♪ 143 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,480 - ♪ Something's attracting ♪ - ♪ Is this really happening? ♪ 144 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:48,000 - ♪ We're no longer soft and dry ♪ - ♪ We're no longer soft and dry ♪ 145 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,080 Ow! Ow! 146 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,960 [groaning] Ow! 147 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,080 - That is a mental feeling. - Yeah. 148 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,280 - [sighs] - [sniffles] 149 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,880 - Quite nice though. [sniffles] - Yeah. 150 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,080 [both exhale] 151 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,400 Would you do that again? 152 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,080 [sighs] No. 153 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,240 - [telephone ringing] - [indistinct chatter] 154 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,280 Morning, everyone. 155 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,760 Oh, God. I've got my bag caught on the door. 156 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,440 Oh, hello! I heard we had someone new coming in. How are ya? 157 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,080 [chuckles] You all right? First day? 158 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,840 - First job. - First job, look at that. 159 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,840 Keep your wits about you. Nothing's ever the same here. 160 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,240 Hello, Simon. 161 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,880 Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right? 162 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,200 Oh, Christ. I got my bag caught on the door. 163 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,400 [chuckles] 164 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,520 [sighs] Hello, Simon. 165 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,080 Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right? 166 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,360 [screams] 167 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,200 Christ, I got my bag caught on the door. 168 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,640 [laughing] 169 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,840 Once in a lifetime. Hello, Simon. 170 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,720 Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right? 171 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,000 [laughing] My bag's caught on the door. 172 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,840 I've gotta tell-- I've gotta tell Simon. Simon! 173 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,200 Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right? 174 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:10,760 [sighs] 175 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,520 Hello, Simon. 176 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,640 Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right? 177 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:21,960 I can't. 178 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,520 [exhales] Shit, I've just got my bag caught on the door. 179 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,680 [laughing] 180 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,040 Hello, Simon. 181 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:36,000 - [speaking indistinctly] - Hello! Good morning, Tom. You all right? 182 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,360 Morning, Tom. You all right? 183 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,000 - You all right? - Would you believe it? 184 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,680 Hello. Morning, Tom. You all right? 185 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,640 Ugh! I left my bag at home. 186 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,520 Hello, Simon. 187 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,040 [singers vocalising] 188 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,200 [narrator] Oh, there's all that to come, 189 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:01,400 bags and doors and Simon. [chuckles] 190 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,200 But work only makes up about 70% of your time, 191 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:10,280 that precious 30% that's all yours, that's where the real magic happens. 192 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,760 Connection, commitment, socialising. 193 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,880 Those are the pillars of the spiciest bit of life, adult life. 194 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,520 [male singer vocalising] 195 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:28,360 - ♪ Everyone changes ♪ - ♪ Everyone changes ♪ 196 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:32,320 - ♪ At different paces ♪ - ♪ At different paces ♪ 197 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:38,920 ♪ But at 27, make sure You've changed a bit ♪ 198 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,560 Well, it completely depends on whether she can still go part-time. 199 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,600 - Er, yeah. - If she can-- 200 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,440 - I'd love to see her. - You must. 201 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,560 - Hey. - [man] Here we go. 202 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,680 - Happy birthday! How are you? - Hello. Yeah. 203 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,360 Oh, my goodness me. 204 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,160 So... do you want us to shout "stag" at you today, Freddy? 205 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,640 I think just Fred at the normal volume will be fine. Yeah. 206 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:02,600 Sorry, is it okay that I'm genuinely really enjoying quietly looking around 207 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,360 at friends and thinking about how much I like them? [chuckles] 208 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,080 - Yeah. - Is that a good stag? 209 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,480 Perfect. I mean, lovely pub, lovely, well-dressed boys. 210 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,480 [laughter] 211 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,440 Er, I think I know everyone here except, erm... 212 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,760 - Who is your best man, is it Kieran? - Er, Kieran, yeah. 213 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,480 Erm... Yeah, lovely lad. He, erm... He got me through uni actually. 214 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:22,440 Mmm-hmm. 215 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,440 He's a bit worried about getting the best man stuff right, 216 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,960 - but he's one-- - Right, form a perfect horseshoe now. 217 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,600 Come on, you reprobates. Perfect horseshoe, now. 218 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,880 Make sure it's tight so it traps the sound. 219 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,720 Right. Hello, you [hesitating] fucking cocks. 220 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:39,680 Ooh. 221 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:45,240 Okay, I want all ears focused exclusively on my ass... listening to me, okay? Right. 222 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,720 First red card. If I see a single one of you 223 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,600 without a drop of booze in your hand throughout the day, 224 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,240 you're seeing off a Guinness, and that's the end of the fucking story, 225 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,880 - okay? - [chuckles] 226 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,840 [music playing softly on speakers] 227 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,520 Kiero... [laughing] 228 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:01,920 Erm... 229 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,640 For those of you who haven't met him yet, this is my best man, Kieran... 230 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:06,880 Hodgedale. 231 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,160 Kieran Hodgedale, thank you for arranging this. 232 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,080 - Yes. - Right. 233 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,520 Thank you, Fred, you fucking cock. 234 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,360 Oh. Hey. 235 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,600 That's the last time you'll thank me, trust me. 236 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:22,240 This is gonna be the worst day of this little dickhead's whole life. 237 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:24,640 Why? 238 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:25,640 Hmm. 239 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:29,240 Er, maybe because what I have planned is complete carnage. Come on, man. 240 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:34,640 And speaking of men, let me remind you, that, yes, we are men, 241 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:40,160 and if I catch a single one of you not thinking about women's breasts 242 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,000 throughout the day, at any point, 243 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,760 if I spot that, you're seeing off a Guinness straight away. 244 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,720 There'll be no pause. It'll be in your mouth and down your gullet. 245 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,520 [sobbing] I don't fucking care. 246 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:56,320 [sniffles] 247 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,080 Are you all right? Is everything okay? 248 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,800 Yeah. You all right? How's your buttons? 249 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,920 - Watch out. - [Kieran] Just please let me. 250 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,040 - What are you doing? - Give me one second. 251 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,280 [laughing] 252 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:09,840 Did you see that? 253 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:14,840 He was going for a three-buttoned thing, and I undid the top one. 254 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,120 All right. Good stuff. 255 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,120 - It looks good undone. - Really? 256 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,520 - I'll keep it then. - Yeah. 257 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,680 It's not stag to compliment your mate's clothes. 258 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:25,720 If something feels like the quality of a stag, don't shut it down, 259 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,880 - just let it breathe. - Okay, that's cool. 260 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,120 [laughing nervously] Just, let's calm it down a little bit. 261 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:35,080 Ooh! Classic Fred. "I don't want someone screaming at my mates on my stag do." 262 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,680 "I want to have a nice time." 263 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,960 - Well, no. I'm not saying that. - But why are you not saying that? 264 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:43,680 Come on, Kieran, why don't you tell everyone what you've got planned today, 265 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,640 - for the big day. - [screaming] Fuck off! 266 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,560 - What is he doing? - What is this? 267 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,320 - Mate. - What do you want? 268 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,960 I haven't heard a single one of them at any point through all of this going... 269 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,280 [exclaims] That was the whole point of the speech! 270 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,560 What's happening? Fred, what's happening to him? 271 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:00,400 Is he like... Is he drunk or something? 272 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,440 [Kieran crying] 273 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,920 Er, no, he doesn't drink. 274 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,280 Erm... Just talk amongst yourselves. 275 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,520 Hey, you okay, man? 276 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,320 Erm... Ahem. I was just thinking, you know, 277 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:16,040 everyone here thinks you are absolutely brilliant. 278 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,920 [Kieran] Fuck off, you bastard. 279 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,520 [voice breaking] I'm just ripping shit up and chilling for a minute. 280 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:27,200 - Your mates are dickheads. - Hey, come on, you prick. [laughs] 281 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,240 Come and tell them what plans you've got for the day, eh? 282 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,360 - Why weren't you swearing over there? - I can swear if you want. 283 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,960 Please, can everyone swear a bit more? 284 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:40,760 Right, this prick is gonna tell us, erm, what the plans are for the day, 285 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,320 so let's hear him out, shall we? 286 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:43,640 [sniffles] 287 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,120 - Yeah, guys? - Okay. 288 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,400 - Yeah. - Yeah. 289 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,680 Okay, right. So, first up, I hope you all like pork 290 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:54,520 because we're gonna be kicking off the day by all having a lovely pork pie, yeah? 291 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,720 Sounds nice, yeah? Well, it's not gonna be, 'cause, oh, dear, 292 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:01,080 whoever picks out the smallest pork pie is seeing off a Guinness, 293 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,200 and then they have to shit themselves in their trousers. 294 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:05,920 What? 295 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,560 "Have to... have to shit themselves"? 296 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,360 [sighs] 297 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,840 Cool, and then... and then what's after that? 298 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,240 [sobbing] Your reaction's so horrible, man! 299 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,800 No, we love it, don't we? Yeah. Everyone's up for it, yeah. 300 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,200 In fact, guys, shall we get the pies? 301 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:23,840 - Yeah. - Yeah? All right. 302 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,680 - Let's do the pies first? - [Kieran] Okay. 303 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,320 I'm gonna stand with a bag, 304 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,120 - and you take... - Okay, guys, take out a pork pie each, 305 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,960 and whoever's got the smallest pie at the end has to... 306 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,400 - Yeah... has to do a poo. - Yeah, and then see off a Guinness. 307 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,120 - And then see off a Guinness. - All right. 308 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,280 Here's mine. 309 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,520 Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Kieran. 310 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,240 About what? 311 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:52,760 I love this stuff! 312 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,320 Right, I'm gonna lay one down. 313 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,440 - Now? You're gonna do it now? - Can I grip your shoulder? 314 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,640 - [Fred] Yeah. - Nah, man. 315 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:04,760 Make sure your friends look. 316 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,680 I feel like they're just turning away. 317 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,360 Erm, guys, watch this if you can. 318 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,880 [Kieran breathing heavily] 319 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,400 [Kieran grunts] 320 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,560 - Fred? - [Fred] He's almost done. 321 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,800 [grunting] 322 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,040 - Yeah. - Done? 323 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,480 Small bit. You nutters. 324 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,760 - Give him a Guinness and then-- - Yep. 325 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,880 - Yeah, can someone cheer or something? - Yes! 326 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,240 [scattered cheers, applause] 327 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,760 - [man] Well done. - Thank you. 328 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,520 - Really well done. - So, part two. 329 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,000 [sniffles] This is my first ever Guinness. 330 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,960 Yay. Cheers, everyone. 331 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,920 I can't believe what that tastes like. 332 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,360 Have you had one of these? 333 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:49,120 Yeah, I expected it to be a lot sweeter, like butterscotch. 334 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,360 [captivating music playing on TV] 335 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,280 [man on TV] Our coverage of the royal wedding continues 336 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,840 with Peter Ring covering today's wonderful festivities. 337 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,640 {\an8}[sweeping choral music playing] 338 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,280 {\an8}Peter Ring here, covering today's festivities. 339 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,920 {\an8}Droves of people have been coming down in droves 340 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:12,680 {\an8}to celebrate what is sure to be the most wonderful day so far 341 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,839 {\an8}that the world has managed to have. 342 00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:17,200 {\an8}The royal wedding is happening right now. 343 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,040 {\an8}We can't see it from out here, but one thing's for sure. 344 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:25,000 {\an8}It's happening. The couple are both 31, and it's all completely brilliant. 345 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,640 {\an8}The atmosphere out here is about as wonderful as it gets. 346 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,920 {\an8}I've been talking to this upbeat family about just how wonderful it all is. 347 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,680 {\an8}Bav Davison, just how wonderful is it? 348 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,920 {\an8}Well, I've got to say, I was just saying this as well to my family and nieces. 349 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,400 {\an8}It's been a wonderful day. The atmosphere is absolutely brilliant. 350 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,080 {\an8}Best day of my life. Best marriage. 351 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,720 {\an8}What a day. And what a fantastic day, as well. 352 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,800 {\an8}[laughs] Well, that's wonderful to hear. And well said. 353 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,840 {\an8}This is it. There's no other way to say it. We're having such a top time. 354 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,360 {\an8}And what is it you think will be particularly special about this marriage? 355 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:02,160 {\an8}Oh... They've just got everything. They're such an exceptional couple. 356 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,520 {\an8}And I can't wait to get a closer look at them 357 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,200 {\an8}and then to say some very positive stuff about them. 358 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,840 {\an8}Yeah? What stuff will you say? 359 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:13,240 {\an8}Erm, I might say, oh, you know, their eyes lit up the sky, something like that. 360 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,040 {\an8}Ha! I think we're all looking forward to hearing her say that. [chuckles] 361 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,280 {\an8}Er, I said earlier that people were coming down in their droves. 362 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,120 {\an8}- Have they, really? - Yes. 363 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:26,440 {\an8}Yeah. I think it's understandable. Because for me, it's such an amazing day 364 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:30,280 {\an8}that I would come down in my droves if it meant being a part of the day. 365 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:35,040 {\an8}That's amazing. Enjoy your day. Let's have a lick of ice cream and I'll be on my way. 366 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,800 {\an8}Mmm! [laughs] 367 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:38,720 {\an8}All right. 368 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,760 {\an8}Can I ask, is all this just for a wedding? 369 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,600 {\an8}- What's everyone celebrating? - Shut up. 370 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:47,120 {\an8}Shut up! Don't ask horrid questions, you awful girl! Off! 371 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:48,600 {\an8}Mmm. 372 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,520 {\an8}Oh! Bit of cardio to work off that cream. 373 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:55,680 {\an8}Right, where are we? Peter Ring here... Erm, hello. You got down here quickly. 374 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,120 {\an8}Oh. No, I'm a different person. But it has been an exquisite day 375 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,120 {\an8}and the atmosphere here is wonderful. 376 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,280 {\an8}- Amazing, isn't it? - Yeah, it is amazing. 377 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,240 {\an8}I should know, because I got married last week, and my wedding wasn't amazing. 378 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,560 {\an8}- Really, was it not? - It was nothing. 379 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:14,440 {\an8}It didn't bring all the country together. It didn't feel pleasant or brilliant. 380 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,600 {\an8}No one came in their droves. It was nothing. 381 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,160 {\an8}- Nothing at all? - Nothing. 382 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:22,080 {\an8}Nothing whatsoever. And that kind of sums up the feeling here today. 383 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,320 {\an8}A feeling of elation. A feeling of reverence and a sense of community. 384 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:32,000 {\an8}And a sense that until today, literally nothing of worth has happened. 385 00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:34,280 {\an8}I'm getting word. 386 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,840 {\an8}They both said "I do." It's happening. They got married! They've done it! 387 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,360 {\an8}They'll be together forever! 388 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,920 {\an8}- Let's get in there. - [screaming] 389 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,200 {\an8}- [rousing music playing] - Let's get in among you all. 390 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,560 {\an8}- [all cheering] - We love it! 391 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,640 {\an8}Look at this guy! 392 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,160 {\an8}[crowd clamouring] 393 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,200 {\an8}This is history! 394 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,880 {\an8}This is marriage! This is wonderful! 395 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,200 {\an8}It's only right... 396 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,760 {\an8}He's done the best thing he'll ever do! 397 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,800 {\an8}Let's kill him! He's got nothing more to give. 398 00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,480 {\an8}Give me that! 399 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,000 {\an8}Don't hog that cream! 400 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,080 {\an8}Mmm! 401 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,240 {\an8}- [woman cheering] - It's all wonderful. 402 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,280 {\an8}I love it! 403 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,320 {\an8}With everybody in the world looking. 404 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,040 {\an8}This is marriage! This is commitment! 405 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,640 {\an8}[crowd clamouring on TV] 406 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,560 {\an8}[pleasant instrumental music playing] 407 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,920 [indistinct chatter] 408 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,840 It ain't gonna be... I mean, look at them. 409 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,440 [laughing] 410 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,400 Hey, guys. Don't be too damn awesome. 411 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,240 You'll make me want to quit my job and play with you full-time! 412 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:42,960 Bit of fun. 413 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:48,360 Am I just loved up, or does it seem like our kids are actually funny? 414 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,960 Not just 'cause they're ours. 415 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,000 Yeah. They're, like, actually funny. 416 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,160 - [sighs] - [both laugh] 417 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,600 Yeah, they're so funny. 418 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,640 You guys have such lovely rapport with them. It's amazing. 419 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,960 - We're still working on it with our Nick. - [woman 1] Oh. Yeah. 420 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,040 No, I get on with Nick. I'm a good dad. 421 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:11,080 No offence, Geoff, but I think it's fair to say these two are on another level. 422 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,240 - [woman 1] That's so sweet. - [man 1] No competition. 423 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,240 We all have our own journey with it. 424 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,880 I'm always happy to talk to little Nick if he's struggling. 425 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,720 Aaron and Nick actually have a pretty great thing going. 426 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,360 Have you noticed that? [in cowboy accent] Best buds. 427 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:27,120 - [laughter] - Just this little cowboy voice. 428 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,320 - [Aaron] I don't know. - Geoff, no. 429 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,800 [Aaron] Okay, here's one. Parent Advice Zone, please. 430 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,080 Er, your son comes into your room at 3:00 a.m. 431 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,840 saying he dreamed you were flying away from him and he couldn't reach you. 432 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,440 - Mmm. - How do you comfort him? Geoff? 433 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,000 Er... 434 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,760 Er, I don't let him in my room. 435 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,840 I don't like spending time with him after 4:00 p.m. 436 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,280 - [woman 1] Aw! - 3:00, 4:00. 437 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:55,960 That is such a shame. 438 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,160 We prefer to be very attached. That's quite disconnected. 439 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,480 - [woman 2] Geoff, don't! - [Geoff] Hey! 440 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,080 [man 2] Embarrassing. [laughs] 441 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:07,800 When Bo doesn't come and wake me up in my room. I go in his room and get him. 442 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,280 - Oh! - Do you? 443 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,480 - I love to. Stop that, Geoff. - [woman 1] Bless... 444 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,680 [Aaron] Er... Oh. 445 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,520 - Chatter machine deactivate, the BBQ bits. - Here he goes. 446 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,640 [chuckles] I hope you like your veg the wellest of done-shire. 447 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,760 "Wellest of done-shire." He's so funny. 448 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:24,800 How do they think of these things? 449 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:26,280 Please, Geoff. 450 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,520 If you strangle people, you could really kill them. 451 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:31,920 All right, yeah. 452 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,120 Actually, look at that. They're perfectly done! 453 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,560 [cheering] 454 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,560 - Any burgers and chips? - What's that? 455 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:46,000 - Any burgers and chips? - Oh! This is a flesh-free zone, actually. 456 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,240 We are peas, trees, and planty McGees. 457 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,080 We want the kids to grow up with a leafy conscience. 458 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,000 Yum! 459 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,920 I feed my kid a big nugget every night. 460 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,360 - It's big. - [man 2] The grub smells gorgeous. 461 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,080 - How do you get veg to smell so good? - [laughing] 462 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,600 Good Q. Well, like I say to my kids, 463 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:07,000 just intro Olly and Sally to the courgette of honour. 464 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,640 And I'll let you do the honours. 465 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,480 Oh! Careful there, Geoff. Whoops! 466 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,760 [woman 1] Look, please do eat as much as you can, 467 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,160 I'll be up all night gobbling otherwise. Yeah... 468 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,560 I notice you keep trying to strangle me. 469 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,720 You keep doing that, Geoff, your kids will think you're weird. 470 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,120 Bad dadding, mate. 471 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,360 Oh, deary me. 472 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:27,720 Right, you veg hogs! 473 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:28,760 [Geoff groans] 474 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,400 [tense music playing] 475 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:37,120 ♪ What's happened here has made me feel Like they don't think I'm amazing ♪ 476 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,080 [imperceptible] 477 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:43,360 ♪ They're really nice and they're yet To imply that I'm similar to them ♪ 478 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:49,200 ♪ Despite my lack of proof I am the best out of the group ♪ 479 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,880 ♪ And they refuse to admit it is true ♪ 480 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,120 ♪ And that makes me doubt That I am good ♪ 481 00:23:58,360 --> 00:23:59,600 ♪ So I gotta get 'em ♪ 482 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,160 ♪ So I gotta get 'em ♪ 483 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,080 ♪ So I gotta get 'em ♪ 484 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,440 Get us? How do you mean? 485 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:10,480 I don't know. 486 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,120 What? Like, kill us? 487 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,320 - Yeah, maybe. - God. 488 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,960 Erm, are you okay if I call the police, then? 489 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:19,920 [sighs] 490 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,120 ♪ I've been rumbled, they got me saying ♪ 491 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,120 ♪ My intentions really near them And to them ♪ 492 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,480 He's in the garden. He's saying he's gonna get us. 493 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:32,760 ♪ They'll never get me, you all know it 'Cause I'm the one who gets them ♪ 494 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,320 ♪ Why can't I just be thick Around my kid and not that invested ♪ 495 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,240 ♪ While also being seen As an amazing dad? ♪ 496 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,240 ♪ It would be so convenient ♪ 497 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,480 ♪ To not have to prove A thing while getting ♪ 498 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,920 ♪ A pat on the back for it ♪ 499 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,800 ♪ Ugh, I didn't get him ♪ 500 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,360 ♪ Oh, we're gonna get him ♪ 501 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,080 ♪ But I didn't get him ♪ 502 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:04,360 ♪ Can I have a burger and chips? ♪ 503 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:05,600 [siren chirps] 504 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:11,840 ♪ You were young once Don't try to be it again ♪ 505 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:17,720 ♪ Don't start to think you're dead 'Cause your face is different ♪ 506 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,760 Need you down there, Seb. Looking cool, by the way. 507 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:27,680 Hey, Nick. 508 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,040 New series, new location in Cornwall, 509 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,640 new chicks, new lads, and one hot new twist. 510 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:42,840 Your breath better not stink of shit, 'cause this is Kiss Villa. [kisses] 511 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,080 [enchanting music playing] 512 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,800 Let's meet the boys and girls looking for tongue time in the sunshine. 513 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:57,520 You all right? I'm Vin. I'm 20. I call my abs sisters 'cause they keep me strong 514 00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,920 and I tell 'em everything. 515 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:03,120 I'm J-Barb. I'm 39. I'm trouble, I've got stubble, 516 00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:05,360 and I love to kiss above all. 517 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:09,680 [laughs] Hi, I'm Seb. I'm actually the format creator of Kiss Villa. 518 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,400 I've been trying to get on the show since I came up with it. 519 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:13,520 [laughs] 520 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,320 Hi, I'm Hugo. I'm 6'1". 521 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,000 I'm 6'1". 522 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,720 [upbeat music playing] 523 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,480 [Vin] Best night of my life? 524 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:27,360 This one evening, yeah, I kissed a different girl every 15 seconds. 525 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,480 That was a special night that. [chuckles] 526 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:32,280 [Seb] Let's just say I'm a kiss enthusiast. 527 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,760 I just think kissing is completely brilliant. 528 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,640 [J-Barb] Oh, God, my best feature? 529 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,640 I'd probably have to say my gums. I had serious problems with them growing up 530 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,040 'cause I ate too much brown sauce, so I had to keep my kissing small. 531 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,720 But I had 'em scraped pre-Villa, so yeah. 532 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,640 Looking forward to much bigger kisses. 533 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,920 Mwah! [chuckles] 534 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:54,480 Four sets of laddie lips in need of a kissy fix. 535 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,240 - Get down here. - [J-Barb] Fucking hell. 536 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,120 - What you thinking? - Get that, man. 537 00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:01,160 - How you doing? - It smells beautiful. 538 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,840 - [J-Barb] Flowers in bloom. - Oh, my God, man. 539 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,800 - You see that house? - How are we doing? Good? 540 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,200 [J-Barb] Oh, my God, man. 541 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,200 Oh. Look at this pool, man! 542 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,080 Boys, it's great to have you, and you're looking pucker. 543 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,680 - Not looking bad yourself. [laughs] - [Vin] Hey. 544 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,720 Speaking of pucker, here come the girls you might want to kiss. 545 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,640 [enchanting music playing] 546 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,960 I'm Georgina. I'm 21. I used to be a dancer. And these days, I'm a dancer. 547 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,720 I'm Ellin. I design funky coffins. 548 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,240 Erm, I had my tongue piercing removed and the hole just kept getting wider. 549 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,240 [man] Are you all right doing this, Checky? 550 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,360 Sorry, I'm incredibly, erm, full and bunged up. 551 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:46,520 I'm Nafaf, short for Natalie Fafani. And my last kiss was, well, let's just say 552 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,640 around a certain Brexit referendum. 553 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,720 So, yeah, 20... 2016. 554 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,400 [enchanting music playing] 555 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,320 I always say it's not the kiss that matters. 556 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,240 It's how nice the kiss is with the guy you're kissing. 557 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,640 I've been single for three months now. 558 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:10,480 Yeah, I'm a young mum with a kooky tongue looking to get a tongue through my tongue. 559 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,360 [J-Barb] Oh, yeah. 560 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:15,160 - [Seb] Some very special women. - Lovely. 561 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,000 - Not a bad one in the bunch, man. Not one. - [woman 1] Wow! 562 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,880 - [Nick] Got some eager beavers waiting. - Looking good, girls. 563 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,880 Sent from heaven, man. Jackpot. 564 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,200 [both laughing] 565 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:27,800 - [Seb] Yeah, get into that, man. - You all right? 566 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:28,760 Hello. 567 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,680 Boys, I mean, what do we make of all that? 568 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,080 - Yes. - Love it. 569 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,160 [J-Barb] Very nice. 570 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,800 Great. And girls, what do we think? 571 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,720 - I mean, yeah, you're all right. - Thumbs up. 572 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:40,640 Rock and roll. 573 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,760 Okay, now we've all had a good lookie at each other's lippies. 574 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:46,560 I'd like you all 575 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:48,840 to join me at the barrel. 576 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,960 [suspenseful music playing] 577 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,120 - Already? We just got here. - [Nafaf] That's a little serious. 578 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:56,920 [J-Barb] I'm up for whatever, man. 579 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,040 [Nick] As much as I wish I'd gathered you round this bazza for a laugh, 580 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,200 that's not the case. 581 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,600 I've gathered you round this baz 582 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,240 to tell you that in this series of Kiss Villa, 583 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:11,120 there's a twist. 584 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,120 [J-Barb] Oh. 585 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:13,320 Oh, no. 586 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,640 - [Georgina] Oh, my God. - [Nick] And that twist is, 587 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,560 there are four boys, there are four girls. 588 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,200 But only one boy 589 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:24,400 and one girl 590 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:27,440 is attractive. 591 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,800 ♪ We're staying up all night ♪ 592 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:38,680 And it is up to you to work out who it is on your team. 593 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:39,600 [Georgina] My God. 594 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,440 That is insane. [scoffs] 595 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,680 ♪ We're staying up all night ♪ 596 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:50,120 If you get it right, you'll get a party that lasts the entirety of the shoot. 597 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,640 [all cheering] 598 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,840 [Nick] Red wine and carbonara every day. 599 00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,720 - Love carbonara. - [Ellin] I want... 600 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,560 - I getty, getty. - [Nick] If you get it wrong, 601 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,680 everyone, apart from the hot couple, 602 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:11,120 has to crouch down, face to the floor for the remaining eight weeks. 603 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,280 [dramatic music playing] 604 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,800 I love standing up, man. I love standing up, man. 605 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:21,840 Right. You've got until I can smash through this B 606 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,800 with this sledgehammer to decide. 607 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:25,960 Off you go. 608 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,800 Okay, quick, over to the nook. 609 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,040 [Georgina] Let's go. 610 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,880 - Right, boys, come on, let's go. - [Georgina] Let's get to that nook. 611 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:35,600 [grunts] 612 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,000 - [J-Barb] Right. - [Georgina] It is a really tough decision. 613 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:44,400 It's a toughie. 614 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,600 I'm gonna say straight out the boozer, man. 615 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:51,160 I think it's me. I think it's me. I've just got this feeling, man. 616 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,480 Do you know what I mean? I want that carbonara. We gotta get this right. 617 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,520 - I also thought it was me, actually. - Did you? 618 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,720 I just think that because I'm a dancer and none of you are hot 619 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,720 - that it might be me, or... - Right, yeah, no. 620 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,280 I did think that. Er, that it could be either of us. 621 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,120 [dramatic music playing] 622 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,120 You're safe. I mean, J-Barb, I think you're a sick lad, but it's definitely me. 623 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,280 I think you're great. I think you're all good lads. I don't want to be doing this. 624 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:20,760 But I feel like it's me. 625 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,080 - I thought it was like either me or you. - Well, or me. 626 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:25,800 - But, like, me. - Or me. 627 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,600 It's definitely not you. 628 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,040 You have the same thing? That's mad. And you? You think it's you? 629 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:33,600 - I think it's me. 630 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,040 - How old are you? - 57. 631 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,160 Know what I mean? 632 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:37,560 Right, you horrid lot. 633 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,000 Let's get you back around the B. 634 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,160 [Nafaf] Sorry. Should we stand in the same formation? 635 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:44,720 [indistinct chatter] 636 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,200 [Seb] This is not what I wanna be doing. 637 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:48,640 [Nick] Now, 638 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,160 you've had a barrel of time to decide. 639 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:56,480 Will whoever you've elected as the only attractive people here 640 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:58,320 step forward? 641 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,080 [dramatic music playing] 642 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:07,280 [imperceptible] 643 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,880 Okay, hotties, step forward, you trotties. 644 00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:18,840 [sighs] 645 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,320 - No, it's the young ones. - [Seb] Oh, right. 646 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:24,440 [Hugo] Great. 647 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,320 - [J-Barb] What, these two? - Yeah, exactly. 648 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,480 - This carbonara is peng. Yeah. - It's pretty good, innit? 649 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,320 I don't really eat it, I just look at it. 650 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,080 [male singer vocalising] 651 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:41,520 [heart beating] 652 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,840 What's that? 653 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:49,200 [narrator] Oh, just some light entertainment. Not for you? Okay. 654 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:53,240 Erm, I'm sensing a little bit of "Oh, dear!" from you, pal. 655 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:58,160 [chuckles] Well, fear not. Life won't always be as garish as that. 656 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:02,600 Honestly, it's all hobbies and silence from here on in. 657 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:06,920 ♪ You've loved ♪ 658 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:12,480 ♪ You've loved for so long ♪ 659 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:18,560 ♪ For so long, for so long ♪ 660 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,440 ♪ For so long ♪ 661 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,960 - Mmm. - Was that "Mmm"? 662 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:34,880 [woman] Mmm. 663 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,200 I was gonna say that, yeah. Mmm. Yeah. 664 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,560 - Did you see this from Jack and Peter? - Mmm-hmm. 665 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,960 - Really good. It's really, really good. - Great. 666 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,240 Give it a read. [laughing] 667 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,040 "Happy 20th anniversary, 668 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,680 Karl and Esther." What else? 669 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,440 "AKA Mum and Dad." 670 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:01,680 [laughing] 671 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:02,680 Oh, God. 672 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:04,600 Er... 673 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:05,520 I love that. 674 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:07,760 "I hope you have a superb day." 675 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,400 "We can't believe you're still in love." 676 00:34:11,240 --> 00:34:13,560 "From your uni boys, Jack and Peter." 677 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,360 How about that? That's fantastic. 678 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:17,719 Still in love. 679 00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:20,199 [chuckles] Oh! 680 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:22,000 Mmm. 681 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:27,880 [laughs] Yes. 682 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:29,679 What's that? 683 00:34:29,679 --> 00:34:33,960 No, I was saying about... I love ya! 684 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,679 - Great. - Cheers. 685 00:34:36,679 --> 00:34:39,080 [laughing] Ah. 686 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,920 Is it this? Is it this? Is it this? 687 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,880 That sort of thing, if that makes any sense. 688 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:52,840 I want to tell the whole of flipping, er, Suffolk that we are still in love. 689 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:55,120 [chuckling] So, let's prove it. 690 00:34:56,159 --> 00:34:57,080 Yeah. 691 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:01,920 [chuckles nervously] 692 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:04,840 [singing out of tune] ♪ I married you ♪ 693 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,440 ♪ And I love you... ♪ 694 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,560 ...sort of thing. Is it that? 695 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:12,200 ♪ I love you so much ♪ 696 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:16,120 ♪ You know, we've been together for ages ♪ 697 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:17,080 Right? 698 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,360 ♪ For years ♪ 699 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:19,360 Incredible. 700 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:25,120 ♪ And I don't want to Get enough of being with you ♪ 701 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:26,840 - [Esther chuckles] - [laughs] 702 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:32,480 ♪ I'll sing, seeing you breathing ♪ 703 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,960 - It's going a bit cold. - Oh, God. Yeah. 704 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,800 One second, I will continue. Don't put those in there. [laughs] 705 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:39,880 - Dangerous. - Yeah. 706 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,080 ♪ I love you ♪ 707 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:43,320 [microwave whirring] 708 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,080 ♪ And spending all my time ♪ 709 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:49,800 ♪ With you in our house All the time 'cause ♪ 710 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,200 - [microwave dings] - Ooh! 711 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:54,080 ♪ You know I love you so much ♪ 712 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:57,840 ♪ And I'll never let you go ♪ 713 00:35:58,320 --> 00:35:59,880 ♪ My babe ♪ 714 00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:01,920 [both laughing] 715 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,640 Is it that sort of thing? 716 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:05,880 Brilliant. 717 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:07,600 Erm... 718 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,320 - Come on. Do you want to have a go? - [mumbling] 719 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,280 You've got the food. Yeah. Let it go down. God. Imagine you up there singing... 720 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,200 "Puh, puh, puh..." 721 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,960 Spitting it... But do when you get... Finished, swallowed it. 722 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:19,160 - I'm off to bed. - Right. 723 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,000 Because I've gotta be up at 10:00 a.m. 724 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,760 Dear God. Yeah. Well, please. 725 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,760 [muttering] It's fine. 726 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,160 [laughs] 727 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,280 Yeah. Go, go, go. 728 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,760 [sniffles, chuckles] 729 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,200 [footsteps receding] 730 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:36,440 Alexa, what's the time? 731 00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:39,040 [Alexa] The time is 6:45. 732 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:40,440 Is it? 733 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,600 [brass music playing] 734 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,520 Did you see that photo of me and Helen in Rome eating pizza? 735 00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,440 - [laughter] - Can I have a look at that? 736 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,000 In a second, Grandad. Andy, you haven't commented on that pic of me. 737 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,760 [grandad] Can I see that pic? 738 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,760 How do I, er... say a comment about-- 739 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,840 Oh, my God. We... we should set up a thread just for family photos. 740 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,120 I'd love to have... a thread... please. 741 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,720 - We're going. Love you. Happy birthday. - Thanks... 742 00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:22,040 Thanks for the computer, and remember to include me in things. 743 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,080 [door opens] 744 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:27,280 [door closes] 745 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,400 [man 1 on TV] But since then, he started a small potted plant business. 746 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,840 This year will be his first Chelsea Flower Show, 747 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,160 and he'll be exhibiting alongside his wife. 748 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:39,400 [TV static] 749 00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,720 [man 2 on TV] Elderly people find it seriously bloody hard to use tech. 750 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,400 I can't do it. 751 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:49,760 I can help you do it. 752 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,800 I cannot stand Google. 753 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,120 No, Google is amazing, man. 754 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:01,520 The tip of my finger keeps getting bigger. 755 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,840 I think I must be allergic to my dog. 756 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,120 That is not to do with tech. 757 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:11,120 Hi, I'm Anthony Clance, and I'm a thoroughly nice chap. 758 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,800 And I'll come around and we'll have a couple of black coffees. 759 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:19,080 And we'll have you tackling extremely difficult tech at your pace. 760 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,400 Easing You In with Anthony Clance. 761 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,720 [laughs] 762 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:26,640 So, what do you think? 763 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:31,960 What do you think? 764 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:34,800 Hello? 765 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:35,800 [Anthony clicks tongue] 766 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,480 - One second, David. - [David] That's all right. 767 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:40,240 [smacks lips] 768 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,200 [telephone ringing] 769 00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,560 Hello, Terry Gill speaking. 770 00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:54,560 You're just looking at me. Okay? Have I got a cute cat on my face? 771 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:58,960 Do you want me to help you with tech? I can ease you in. 772 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,400 I beg your pardon? 773 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:03,160 Never beg, Terry. 774 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,320 It puts a "B" among the egg. 775 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:12,400 Now, tell me, Terry, how can I help you with the tech? 776 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:16,200 Er, can we do this some other time? 777 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,920 Oh, come on, Gill. T-Gill. 778 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,000 We've both got a couple of black coffees. 779 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,760 Why are you so manic and stubborn about the tech? 780 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,640 Become more chilled out. 781 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,120 And before you know it, you'll be doing an upward thumb. 782 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,120 Okay. 783 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,160 How much are your services? 784 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:36,720 [guttural chuckle] 785 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,760 Don't be so wild, T-Gill. 786 00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:42,240 It's free. We both need this. 787 00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,960 You want to be an IT whiz, 788 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:49,280 and I want to live in a world where no person is slowing things down. 789 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:54,000 Now, tell me, what tech can I help you with the tech? 790 00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:55,760 Er... 791 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,800 I wasn't sure how to get on the thread. 792 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,480 And to look at photos and talk to my family. 793 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:04,440 Texts. 794 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:08,840 - Yeah, but also photos-- - It's all texts! 795 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:16,120 I came all the way down from Glasgow to teach you about the majesty of tech. 796 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,040 And you want me to show you texts? 797 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:21,200 Oh. 798 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,000 Do you not know how to do them? 799 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,280 Do I know how to do texts? 800 00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:28,240 Are you shaking my piss? 801 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:32,080 I'm doing texts in my slumber, Terry G. 802 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:36,680 I'm not here to text, GIF, or little smiling face. 803 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:41,640 No, tell me why you really brought me here. 804 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,440 I didn't know I had. 805 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,040 Well then, I consider you to be dumb to me. 806 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:54,520 I consider you to be dumb for me, Terry, asking me easy questions like this. 807 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,560 I consider you to be dumb to me. 808 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:00,280 Show me. 809 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:03,680 Show me what you can do with the tech. 810 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,520 Er... Well, er... Er, er... 811 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,840 I know how to turn it on. 812 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,360 - [error message chiming] - Er... 813 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:18,720 Oh, you're making your laptop into gunk. 814 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:20,800 Terry doesn't get tech. 815 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,640 [intense music playing] 816 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,080 Gilly. 817 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,520 Gilly. 818 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,680 What are you doing, Gilly? Calm down. 819 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,080 Leave me be. I just want to see. 820 00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,360 See what? The texts? 821 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,520 And pictures. Don't shout at me. 822 00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:40,440 I'm not a part of it, but I need to be. 823 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:44,560 I wanted to comment on the thread. [voice echoes] 824 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,480 I'm bored. 825 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,120 I'm so bored. 826 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,080 I'm lonely and I'm bored. 827 00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:56,320 [sombre music playing] 828 00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,800 Tez man. Gilly T. 829 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,720 I think I'm starting to get you, G. 830 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:05,360 Do you know how lucky you are to be bored? 831 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,800 You're free from distraction. 832 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,680 And I love you for that, Terry. 833 00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,280 But... but I need it! 834 00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:18,840 I just told you, Terry man, you don't need it! 835 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,080 Do you want to be like them? Scrambled egg? 836 00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:23,640 [intense music playing] 837 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:29,280 Okay, fine. I will show it to you, you silliness. 838 00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,760 See? It's nothing. Cat shit. 839 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:40,480 Here is Luton Larry, and what is he even doing big style? 840 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,760 You don't need this tech, and you don't need me. 841 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:48,360 - [music fades] - Just do nothing, Tez man G. 842 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,680 Nothing is better than Luton Larry. 843 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:56,240 [whispering] Now, 844 00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,080 you're gonna wake up in a minute, Terry. 845 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,600 And when you do, I want you to promise me 846 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,640 you're going to do something that makes you happy. 847 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:09,040 Thank you. 848 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,080 [man on TV] But since then he's started a small... 849 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:24,680 Ah. 850 00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:27,240 [laughing] 851 00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,000 [upbeat instrumental music playing] 852 00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,880 Hi, are you all right? Clive, yeah? Dr Jack, yeah? 853 00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,000 So, for me, Clive, you are looking well. 854 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,120 Yeah? One of the boys. [laughs] Is that a new drip? 855 00:43:58,680 --> 00:43:59,520 Yes. 856 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,320 Yeah, mate. Looks fire. 857 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:03,960 Look, basically, I wanted to pull you for a chat today 858 00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:07,160 just to chat about your results and be a bit caring towards you, really. 859 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:11,680 - Mmm-hmm. - Yeah. So, for me, it's got quite bad. 860 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:15,480 Yeah. And for me, you've got this quite rare blood thing. To me. 861 00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,080 Hmm. Okay. 862 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,200 So, where my head's at, in terms of the truth, 863 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,520 is you've got sort of between two minutes 864 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,240 and two minutes, 15 seconds before you're dead. 865 00:44:25,240 --> 00:44:27,400 - Okay, thank you. - That's all right, don't worry. 866 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,320 Zack here, he's going to sort your body out when you go, yeah? 867 00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,920 And you can say your last words to him, all right? 868 00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,600 Er, is there anything else I can get for you, fella? 869 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:37,760 [whispers] Please say no. 870 00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:39,760 No. 871 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,560 Yes, see you later. 872 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,280 [monitor beeping] 873 00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:54,920 [sighing] 874 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:03,960 [table squeaking] 875 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,200 - [sombre music playing] - [gasping] 876 00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:20,240 ♪ I'm gonna die ♪ 877 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,760 ♪ So, that's nice ♪ 878 00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,800 ♪ I've never died before ♪ 879 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,000 ♪ I've been Clive ♪ 880 00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,400 ♪ With Clive's kidneys and eyes ♪ 881 00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,320 ♪ Since I've been alive ♪ 882 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:41,400 ♪ So, can I say goodbye ♪ 883 00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,160 ♪ To Clive's body, I... ♪ 884 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,040 ♪ Want to thank it for ♪ 885 00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:51,000 ♪ Getting me around and in the bath ♪ 886 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:53,760 [flatline beeps] 887 00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,480 [celestial music playing] 888 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:01,560 Oh! 889 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:10,120 Wonderful. How delightful! 890 00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:12,800 How... how delightful! 891 00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,480 [chuckling] How... how lovely! 892 00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,320 [laughing] 893 00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:18,320 Well, 894 00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:23,920 maybe I've got a couple of minutes to say goodbye to my body. 895 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:25,920 [sniffles] 896 00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,960 ♪ Goodbye to my teeth ♪ 897 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:33,600 ♪ Thank you For the difficult meat you bit ♪ 898 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:37,000 ♪ Ta-ta to my feet ♪ 899 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:41,160 ♪ Your beautiful toes Thin as cigarettes ♪ 900 00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,240 ♪ Goodbye, knee ♪ 901 00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:44,880 ♪ Remember me ♪ 902 00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:46,960 ♪ And the several times ♪ 903 00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,080 ♪ I got you to kneel ♪ 904 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:51,120 [Zack] Get rid! 905 00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,240 Ah. 906 00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:55,640 Oh, hang on. 907 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:56,840 Did someone lock this? 908 00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:58,320 - The other door. - [man] What? 909 00:46:58,320 --> 00:46:59,640 - You locked the door. - What? 910 00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,920 - Can't get the gurney out. - [man] Got my hands full. 911 00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:03,840 I need body bags. Give me the bags. 912 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,080 [man] I don't have any body bags. Use bin bags. 913 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:08,280 Fucking idiot, man. 914 00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:09,480 [music playing] 915 00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:11,120 - ♪ Goodbye, shoulder... ♪ - [music stops] 916 00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,200 - [man] What are you doing later? - What, are you up for something? 917 00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:15,320 ♪ How we got older... ♪ 918 00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,240 [man] I reckon we take it off early, mate. 919 00:47:17,240 --> 00:47:18,440 [Zack] I'm up for that. 920 00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,000 [man] What are you... But don't you have to do this body? 921 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,560 - True. How far is the morgue? - [man] Huh? 922 00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:25,440 Morgue's a bit of a trek from here, innit? 923 00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:28,880 ♪ Goodbye to my hand ♪ 924 00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,880 ♪ You've shook the hand ♪ 925 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,320 ♪ Of the Polish President ♪ 926 00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:35,080 - [vehicle approaching] - [man] Oi! 927 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:36,480 [Zack] It stinks in here, boys. 928 00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:37,720 [man laughing] 929 00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:39,080 [tyres screeching] 930 00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,640 Erm, I think I want to go now. 931 00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,040 [male singer vocalising] 932 00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:47,120 [narrator] Okay, I'll level with you. 933 00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:49,880 No harmonies for this bit. Please, you need to please... 934 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:51,240 - [vocalising stops] - Thank you. 935 00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:55,080 A lot of this hasn't looked great. I can see that, but take my word for it. 936 00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:59,920 There's a lot more to life than sex and marriage and being thrown in the bin. 937 00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,560 You know, you'll learn to love the minutia. 938 00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:04,440 [muffled voices chattering] 939 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,360 What's that noise? 940 00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,720 [narrator] That? You like that, do you? [chuckles] 941 00:48:13,720 --> 00:48:16,880 That's people talking. If you like that, you'll be all right. 942 00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:21,240 That's the majority of life, really, just listening to people saying stuff. 943 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,880 A harmony of human interaction. 944 00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:28,240 Look, believe me, everything anyone has ever said is incredible, too, you know. 945 00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:29,320 Do you know what? 946 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,640 Have a little listen now. Go on. 947 00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,400 Everyone's saying everything. 948 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,960 - [man] Nice shop but expensive, isn't it? - [woman 1] Yeah. 949 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:38,680 [woman 2] God I love a bit of crap telly. 950 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,800 [man 2] Imagine how long it would take to do a pub crawl around here. 951 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,720 [chattering intensifies] 952 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:47,640 [woman] Have a nice day. 953 00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:49,880 [pleasant music playing] 954 00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,480 ♪ There really are a lot Of milks these days ♪ 955 00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,120 ♪ Have you seen all the milks? ♪ 956 00:48:56,720 --> 00:48:59,320 ♪ We're always on our Bloody phones these days ♪ 957 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,320 ♪ So we've got to look after Our mental health ♪ 958 00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,640 ♪ And we've got to look after our phones ♪ 959 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,880 ♪ This guy really cracks me up ♪ 960 00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:11,240 ♪ This guy is hilarious ♪ 961 00:49:11,240 --> 00:49:12,520 What's so funny? 962 00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:14,520 ♪ We were both just swearing ♪ 963 00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,480 ♪ And talking about How pineapple on pizza's not nice ♪ 964 00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:19,800 We prefer other toppings, for fuck's sake! 965 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,120 ♪ The thing about me is I ride my bike ♪ 966 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,240 ♪ And I also ride my bike ♪ 967 00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,200 ♪ The thing about me is I need my coffee ♪ 968 00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:29,120 [laughing] 969 00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:30,440 ♪ What am I like? ♪ 970 00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:31,680 ♪ What are we like? ♪ 971 00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:33,640 ♪ And I ride my bike ♪ 972 00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,280 ♪ He's offending me ♪ 973 00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:39,280 ♪ I'm offending you ♪ 974 00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:42,280 ♪ It makes no sense You don't want to be with me ♪ 975 00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,040 ♪ Can't you see I want to be with you ♪ 976 00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:47,640 Sorry. Who are you? Do you know who this is? 977 00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:48,560 No clue. 978 00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:53,280 ♪ Everyone is saying everything ♪ 979 00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:58,160 ♪ And we all can't wait to hear What everyone has got to say ♪ 980 00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,600 I'm absolutely shattered. 981 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:04,520 ♪ Everyone is saying something cool ♪ 982 00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:06,640 ♪ Say what you think you think ♪ 983 00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:11,840 ♪ And please don't think before you say ♪ 984 00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:13,280 ♪ Anything ♪ 985 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:14,720 [laughter] 986 00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,080 So how far along are you? 987 00:50:17,720 --> 00:50:19,520 Er, about eight and a half months. 988 00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:23,840 Bloody hell. Was just telling my friend on the phone I'm completely knackered. 989 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:26,400 Shattered. 990 00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:31,560 ♪ Everyone is saying everything ♪ 991 00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:37,560 ♪ And we're all in love With what everyone has got to say ♪ 992 00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:43,040 ♪ Everyone is saying something great ♪ 993 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,120 I actually feel ill. 994 00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:45,600 ♪ Say it in a tweet ♪ 995 00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:46,960 ♪ Then go to sleep ♪ 996 00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,240 ♪ And when you wake ♪ 997 00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:51,960 ♪ Say more things ♪ 998 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:56,000 [man] Drop a beat, you fucking madman. [laughing] 999 00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,720 Some people say what they need to say through dance, apparently. 1000 00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:01,160 - [upbeat music playing] - [all exclaiming] 1001 00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,000 - Oh, my God! - Yeah. 1002 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:04,800 [all cheering] 1003 00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:12,760 [trumpet playing] 1004 00:51:14,240 --> 00:51:18,480 ♪ Saying things ♪ 1005 00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,200 ♪ Saying things ♪ 1006 00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:23,720 ♪ Go on! ♪ 1007 00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:25,800 [baby crying] 1008 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,000 [pleasant instrumental music playing]