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My name is Sebastian.
And, yeah, that's me.
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00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:35,209
When my mother used
to dress me for pre-school,
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like I was going to Studio 54.
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Like most American stories,
mine starts a long time ago
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on another continent.
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00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:49,092
Specifically,
the magical island of Sicilia.
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A lot of folks
like to call Sicily
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the big ball in front
of the boot of Italy,
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which makes sense
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'cause the world's been
trying to kick our ass
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since the dawn of time.
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For generations,
my people have been
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threatened by wars,
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volcanoes,
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and testicle-crushing Speedos.
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But we survived it all
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through one unstoppable force.
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Family.
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These are actual photos
of my Sicilian ancestors.
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Note the signature
Maniscalco look.
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With the curved spines
and the resting bitch face,
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like a bunch
of pissed-off candy canes.
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Over the past few centuries,
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these proud hunchback men
have operated with one goal.
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Do everything you can...
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...to give your kids
a better life
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00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,061
than the one you had.
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For my father,
this meant leaving
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his beloved Sicily
for Chicago.
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So he and my mother could
give me opportunities
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they never got.
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Like shoveling snow.
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Growing a beautiful mullet.
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And going to the prom
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looking like a pit boss.
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Growing up,
my father busted his hump
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00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:07,214
to instill in me certain rules
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00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:09,868
of how a man should operate.
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00:02:09,868 --> 00:02:13,220
Like, if you're awake,
you should be workin'.
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Hey, how's
the pressure,
Mrs. Marinelli?
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Harder.
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00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:17,963
You got to get in there, son.
I don't pay you by the hour,
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I pay you
by the moan, capisce?
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Guy
with the ponytail,
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that's my dad.
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Did I mention he owns a salon?
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The man comes from a long line
of Sicilian hairstylists.
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And don't you dare
call him a barber.
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This man doesn't
just cut hair,
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he creates styles.
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Salvo,
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it's beautiful.
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See? I told you
you had cheekbones
under there.
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You just needed Michelangelo
to dig them out.
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Child labor laws
were definitely broken.
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But on the bright side,
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I had the most realistic
Chewbacca costume
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in the history of Halloween.
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He taught me
to always save your money.
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No apps, no dessert.
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And if you don't
finish your main,
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you're paying
for your own
birthday dinner.
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00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,450
And to be resourceful.
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You wanted me
to buy you
a skateboard,
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I built you
one instead.
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Next year,
I'm gonna
build you
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one of those Nintendos.
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But one exception, cologne.
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Never cheap out
on your signature scent.
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At bedtime, our house smelled
like an Uber in Las Vegas.
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The only time I saw
my father smile is
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when we did
the chicken dance
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for my mother.
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To me, this man was a God.
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And it was all
working out great
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until I grew up,
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and fell for someone
who was my complete opposite.
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Her name was Ellie.
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I mean, look at this girl.
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The style, the positivity,
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personality.
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Yeah, this was my dream woman.
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Sebastian!
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Ah! I'm so sorry
I'm late.
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This guy's charging
$15 for valet.
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So I parked it
nine blocks away.
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Wait a minute,
if you parked
that far away,
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how are you so dry?
You sweat just
getting the mail.
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It's the Fendi, babe.
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It's wicking away.
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- You want one?
- Yeah.
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You know,
everyone said
I should serve
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fancy food
at my opening,
and I was like,
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"Name one person
that doesn't like
a hot dog."
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And get this, she's an artist.
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I mean, growing up,
I wasn't even allowed
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to do it as a hobby.
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So how's
the show going?
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Oh, my God!
Freaking amazing.
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All my pieces sold out
in like 15 minutes.
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- Babe, that's incredible.
- I know, right?
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I mean, most of them went
to this big decorator,
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but they have clients
all over the world,
so I'm not complaining.
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Well, you shouldn't.
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Especially because they look,
kind of like, you know...
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Vaginas?
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Well, you know,
if you just hang
them horizontally,
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they kind of look
like sunsets.
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Oh, yeah.
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Right.
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Since the day I met her,
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she's been opening my eyes
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to all kinds
of new experiences.
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Like naps.
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Weird.
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The sun's coming
through the drapes.
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And beauty treatments.
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Hey, hot stuff.
Looking good.
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Wait, are you mad?
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Yeah.
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That it took 42 years
to discover avocado masks.
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And last but not least,
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smiling.
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Okay. Um...
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- It's not natural.
- That's...
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That's not
particularly natural.
But you know what I think?
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I think we just
have to build these
facial muscles,
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so you just
got to practice.
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Look at that.
Now try it.
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I don't... You
look great.
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Yeah, life
with Ellie was pretty perfect.
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I don't think
I could participate.
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That's just ridiculous.
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- You promised.
- Oh, come on!
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A public wedding
proposal? It's
embarrassing.
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I think
it's sweet.
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When I propose
to you,
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it's going
to be intimate.
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- Hmm.
- Just you and me,
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the way
it should be.
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- Hmm.
- No one else.
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Used to be,
"If I propose."
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You just said,
"When I propose."
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Okay, babe,
it's just...
I'm aggravated.
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Words are just
flying out
of my mouth.
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Well, just
so you know,
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the only way
I will say yes,
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is if there is
some element
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of public
humiliation involved.
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- Oh, well.
- Get ready.
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You might as well just end
the relationship right now,
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because we ain't
- doing that.
- Oh, we're not?
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I'm not
- doing this.
- But you're
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- such a good dancer.
- Look at these people.
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Uh, Ellie?
I kind of need
your help right now.
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Right, dude,
we are in!
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The truth was,
I had every intention
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of asking Ellie to marry me.
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I just needed
the right place and time.
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I see you, guy.
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I see you.
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All right? Pick it up.
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Thank you.
- Take a walk.
Sebastian.
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I'm on the phone
with my parents
and get this,
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they're inviting us
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out to the summer place
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for the big
4th-of-July weekend.
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Babe, did you
- just say "us"?
- Us.
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I thought this trip
was for family only.
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I know! I mean,
I'm so torn
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between thinking
this is great news,
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or that I might be
dragging you
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into an Italian version
of Get Out.
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I'm not sure. Oh, uh, uh...
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Yes, yes, yes,
Mother, yes. I'm
asking him right now,
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please hold.
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What do you think?
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Yeah.
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00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,080
He's man-crying.
That means it's a yes.
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00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,908
- Yes!
- I love you.
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00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:55,910
I'm gonna
get you tissues.
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00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:58,565
I love you.
I'm so excited.
185
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:01,524
So, yeah,
I'm a big crier.
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I love to just marinate
in my own tears.
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Mmm.
188
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,922
But this was a huge deal.
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Ellie's summer place wasn't
just the perfect spot
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to propose.
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It also meant her family was
starting to accept me.
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Which was amazing, because...
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00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:22,545
How do I put this eloquently?
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These people got
class up the ass.
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I mean, look at these people
with their perfect postures,
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and their perfect teeth.
197
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,561
Even their dog went
to better schools
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00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,041
than I did.
199
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,433
I was intimidated,
200
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,174
which really didn't
make any sense
201
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:47,831
as their story was also
an immigrant story.
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00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:52,140
For some reason, theirs was
considered more respectable,
203
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,708
as it started 400 years ago.
204
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,753
Now, this is
an actual painting
205
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:59,060
of Ellie's
10th great grandfather,
206
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:03,107
William Love Collins,
taking his family to America,
207
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:06,328
on a little boat called
the Mayflower.
208
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:09,157
You got it. That one.
209
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:12,595
So while my father came
to chase the American dream,
210
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:15,685
the Collins were
the American dream,
211
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:18,079
all the way
up to Ellie's dad.
212
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:20,734
William Love Collins XII.
213
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,431
Only Italian guys I knew
214
00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:24,564
with Roman numerals
after their names...
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00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,261
...are popes,
216
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:29,220
and Rocky Balboa.
217
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,092
Her dad is
the chairman and CEO
218
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,529
of the luxurious
Collins Hotel Group,
219
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,009
which was awkward,
220
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,707
as I happened to run
a cool new boutique hotel,
221
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:40,188
which was stealing
a lot of his Chicago business.
222
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,190
Bottom line?
223
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:45,628
His baby girl was
dating the enemy.
224
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:48,979
But Bill wasn't even
the scary parent.
225
00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:51,547
That honor belonged
to Ellie's mother,
226
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:56,421
whose actual birth name
was Tigger MacArthur.
227
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:59,686
Anna, darling,
you don't know
anything about me.
228
00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:02,253
And this kitty's got claws.
229
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,342
As an Ivy League
grad-turned-senator
230
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:05,822
for the state of Maryland,
231
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,868
it took her a long time
232
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:11,349
to wrap her mind around
her beloved daughter dating
233
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:14,265
some working-class
hotel manager.
234
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,659
How could I be
anti-immigrant
235
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:19,836
when my daughter is
dating the son of one?
236
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,404
But this invite meant
237
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:25,320
I was finally
breaking through.
238
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,931
A holiday weekend was
my chance to charm
239
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,542
the pleated pants
off these people.
240
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,893
And if all went well,
241
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:36,026
I could ask
for their daughter's
hand in marriage.
242
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,814
So, I had the girl
I wanted to marry,
243
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:43,643
the perfect spot
to propose to her,
244
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,341
and now,
I just needed the ring,
245
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:48,648
which should have
been easy to get.
246
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,736
Oh, come on. What do you mean
247
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,520
you're not gonna
give me the ring?
248
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,609
Grandma left it for me
to use when I'm ready
to get married.
249
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,350
Uh, your grandmother
left it with me
250
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,960
to make sure you just
don't give it away
251
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,136
to some puttana, that's what
your grandmother did.
252
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,225
Can you come out
of the garden so
we can talk about this?
253
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:06,709
They're back.
They're back there
messing with my gagootz.
254
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,668
Forget the gagootz.
255
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,757
Dad, the ring,
- can I have it?
- Look at that.
256
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,498
You know,
I don't know
about this girl,
257
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,239
I gotta tell ya.
I'm not sure
about her.
258
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,937
She put her feet up
on my coffee table,
259
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:18,373
I don't know... You put
your feet up
260
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:19,548
on your
- coffee table.
- Yeah, my coffee table,
261
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:20,723
my feet.
262
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:22,116
What do you
think is this?
263
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,466
- What bites? A raccoon?
- Ants? Is it an ant?
264
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,338
An ant. You got
to to be kidding me.
265
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,690
Let's see.
Okay, here we are.
266
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,909
Look at them.
That's a possum.
267
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,216
Possum. They're dead.
268
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,739
- Dead, gone.
- Oh, no. Come on,
269
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,741
with the thing again... Gone from this earth.
270
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:41,004
- Instant death.
- Just set a trap.
271
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,484
Yeah, I'm gonna
set a trap.
272
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,181
I'm gonna get
my antifreeze,
my little...
273
00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:45,835
When I was a kid,
274
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,359
I thought everything
my dad did was normal.
275
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:51,754
If some string beans
went missing,
276
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:55,018
I'd wake up to a yard
full of poisoned squirrels,
277
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,194
birds, chipmunks,
278
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,456
basically anything
279
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,850
that ever helped
Cinderella get dressed,
280
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:03,505
murdered in our backyard.
281
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:05,246
Come on, Dad.
Could you just admit
282
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:07,378
that Ellie's not
some puttana?
283
00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:08,815
I love her, you love her.
284
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,600
Just give me the ring
so I can propose.
285
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,906
You really serious
about this?
286
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,472
Yeah, Dad,
she's the one.
287
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:15,735
- She's the one?
- Yeah.
288
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,997
Okay, son, you know
what I'm gonna do?
289
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,520
I'm gonna give
- you the ring.
- Thank you.
290
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,740
But first I gotta
meet her family.
291
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,437
- What? Why?
- Why?
292
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,094
- That's why.
- What the hell
does that mean?
293
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,965
You got
no respect
for your roots.
294
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:30,358
I mean, what are
you talking about?
295
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:31,533
You don't eat
the fruit till
you make sure
296
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,839
the tree ain't sick.
297
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,362
And per tradition,
I need to look
298
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,929
at the mother
and the father's eyes.
299
00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,452
I need to look them
in the eyes
300
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:38,975
to make sure there's no rot.
301
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,585
Because there could be rot.
- Not that there is.
- What?
302
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,805
- But there could be.
- There's no rot
in this family, Dad.
303
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,154
- You never know.
- They're classy.
304
00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:45,939
- You never know.
- Come on, they're
classy people.
305
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:47,288
Oh, yeah.
306
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:48,724
The fancier,
the dirtier.
307
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,030
You never know
what's going on.
308
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,727
Plus, they don't live
anywhere near here.
309
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:53,337
So let me just put you
on a FaceTime,
310
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:55,165
so you could
taste test them
over the phone.
311
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:58,168
Hey, I'm not doing FaceTime.
This is an important moment.
312
00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,953
FaceTime, Zoom?
What are you, crazy?
313
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,868
You don't gotta
get all upset.
No, gotta be faccia con faccia.
314
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,827
Dad, I want
to do this
next weekend
315
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,221
at their family's house
in the country.
316
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,092
Wait... wait.
Hold on, hold on.
317
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,659
This is the first summer
318
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,879
since we had to say goodbye
to your poor dear mother,
319
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,054
and you're going
to leave me alone
320
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,751
for the goddamn 4th of July?
321
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,100
Well, it's just that,
you know,
322
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,407
her family invited me
to their summer house.
323
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:20,843
Oh, their summer home?
324
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,062
Oh, most people got one home,
but they got 'em
325
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,759
for different seasons.
Oh, that's nice.
326
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:25,543
Come on, Dad. So they got
more money than us,
327
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:28,068
who doesn't? Plus,
it's just for one weekend.
328
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,722
Oh, one weekend, he says.
One weekend.
329
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,637
Fifty years ago,
I come to this country
330
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:33,900
to give you a better life.
331
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,379
Fifty years ago,
332
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:38,165
I skipped every weekend
in Sicily for you.
333
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,688
I joined the US Army
334
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:41,951
to protect your freedoms.
And what thanks do I get?
335
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,735
You go celebrate
the 4th of July
336
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:44,824
with some other family,
337
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:45,999
leaving me
to burn the sparklers
338
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:47,870
and eat the hot dogs alone!
339
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,003
Alone! Thank you.
340
00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,180
This is incredible.
341
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:01,014
Wait, what do you mean
you're not coming?
342
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:03,320
I can't leave my father.
343
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,757
The 4th of July was
their favorite holiday.
344
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,585
Because of his
military background?
345
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:10,371
No, it's the only holiday
you don't have to buy a gift.
346
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:12,155
I'm sorry, Ellie.
347
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:14,157
We'll just do it
some other time.
348
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:15,419
Why don't
we just bring him?
349
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:16,638
What happened?
350
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:19,902
I mean, if he...
loves the 4th,
351
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,817
he's gonna flip out
at our place.
352
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:24,646
There's all
kinds of fun
family activities.
353
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:26,996
There's fireworks.
There's even a huge clambake
354
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,868
with tons of fresh fish.
355
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,304
He loves to de-bone fish.
356
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:32,132
Kind of perfect.
357
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:36,092
My father
getting a close-up look
358
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,441
at my new life,
359
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,313
while I was trying
to seal the deal
360
00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:41,184
with Ellie's parents?
361
00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:43,317
What an incredible idea!
362
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,622
Nah, I don't think so.
363
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,363
I should probably
just stay here with him.
364
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,669
Boo!
365
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:50,715
Come on.
366
00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:53,370
Don't you want
our families
to finally meet?
367
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:55,198
Yeah, of course I do.
368
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,158
Why is your voice
going up like that?
369
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,289
What's going on?
370
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:00,900
Are you...
371
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,425
Are you nervous
to bring him?
372
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:06,296
Ner... No.
373
00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,342
No. What? No, no.
374
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:09,604
All right, fine.
375
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:11,562
Don't bring him.
376
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:12,694
Don't come.
377
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:16,916
Don't have fun.
It's fine.
378
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,874
All right,
maybe I was a little scared
379
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:21,572
to bring my father
into a country club environment,
380
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:24,184
where he'd see me playing
racquet sports,
381
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:27,883
riding around in golf carts,
and taking naps.
382
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,668
But I also knew
that stubborn bastard wouldn't
383
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:33,410
give me the ring without
a face-to-face meeting.
384
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,413
Fine. You win.
I'll ask him.
385
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,287
Hey, don't get
all excited, all right?
386
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:43,029
This guy's big on tradition.
I doubt he'll even say yes.
387
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,465
Shit, yeah. I'm coming.
388
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,075
No, wait, wait,
wait. Seriously?
389
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:47,598
Of course, I'm coming.
What are we gonna
do instead?
390
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:48,730
Spend the whole
weekend alone,
391
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,818
just the two of us
in the house,
392
00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:51,037
burning the sparklers
393
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,082
and eating the hotdogs?
Yeah, I'm coming.
394
00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:54,431
That's the same
example you used
395
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:55,867
to guilt trip me
into not going.
396
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:57,565
Well, what can I say.
I got a way with words.
397
00:15:57,565 --> 00:15:59,001
You know me.
398
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,089
All right, listen.
If we're gonna do this, Dad,
399
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,438
you gotta be
on your best behavior.
400
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:03,092
Wha... What do you mean,
my best behavior?
401
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,964
The family is uptight,
402
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,356
they're conservative,
they're not used to...
403
00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:07,662
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
404
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,056
So, you, the son, are
telling me, the father,
405
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:11,057
how to behave?
406
00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:13,407
You hear this?
407
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:15,235
Just remember the main goal
is for you to meet the family,
408
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:17,367
so I can get the ring
and propose to Ellie.
409
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,499
It's not for you
to price check
410
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:19,717
their antique coffee tables.
411
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:21,197
Come on, already!
I mean, how fancy
412
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:22,503
could a stupid
coffee table be?
413
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:24,200
I mean, seriously,
how much we talking?
414
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,420
I don't know, Dad.
415
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,770
I'm kidding you. Mannaggia.
Where's
your sense of humor?
416
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:29,814
- Jeez. Come on.
- All I'm asking is
417
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,294
dial it down with the...
418
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,382
What, all the...
419
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,601
This is...
What is this?
420
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:35,124
Look at him.
Look at him.
421
00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:36,299
Dial it down
with all this
and that.
422
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:37,387
You know what
he's worried about?
423
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:38,693
He's worried
424
00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:40,129
his immigrant father's
gonna make him look
425
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:41,783
like some kind
of goombah.
426
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:43,176
Let me tell you something.
427
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:44,829
You don't remember
this because I'm your dad
428
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:46,657
but a lot of people
find me charming,
429
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,050
pretty charming,
that's right. Right.
430
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,356
- Right, ladies?
Yeah.
431
00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:51,619
And these
stuck-up rich people?
432
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:52,837
They got a word for me...
433
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:55,101
I remember, it's loud,
it's obnoxious,
434
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,493
it's over-cologned.
435
00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:58,408
No, no. "Refreshing."
436
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,323
"He's refreshing."
"He's so original."
437
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,630
I've heard that all...
All the time I hear that.
438
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:05,285
And I promise you
Ellie's parents
are gonna love me.
439
00:17:05,285 --> 00:17:06,895
I don't know about
you, but they're going
to love me.
440
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,375
- Mm-hmm.
- Ladies,
you better get
441
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,898
your 'dos done
by Thursday
442
00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:12,074
'cause the Maniscalco men,
they're going on vacation.
443
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,512
He's worried.
444
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:17,558
This kid is
worried. I'm not.
445
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,143
What the hell
are you doing?
446
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,970
- You can't smoke here.
- What? I'm outside.
447
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,059
Next to an airplane!
448
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,148
- Oh, sorry!
That's okay.
449
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,759
Mannaggia.
Can't even
smoke a cigar.
450
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,413
I got some
good news.
451
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:47,979
I got us
a luxury sedan
452
00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:49,938
for the price
of a compact.
453
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,505
That's nice,
but makes
me wonder
454
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,463
how much the compact
you could've got for.
455
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:55,726
Then I took
the compact price
456
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,380
and got it
on the house!
457
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,295
- Hey!
- Hey! Nice!
458
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:01,471
- Baby, the bags.
- Yeah. How long does
it take to get there?
459
00:18:01,471 --> 00:18:03,343
Um, like, three hours.
460
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:04,909
Hey, you guys
looking for a ride?
461
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,477
Oh, my God.
462
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:08,826
Lucky!
463
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:10,437
Oh, no.
464
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,091
Who's that,
an ex-boyfriend?
465
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,570
Worse. Brother.
466
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,094
Hey!
467
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:20,011
While I'd made
progress with Ellie's parents,
468
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:23,145
I'd yet to make any
with the older brother.
469
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:26,192
His name was
William Love Collins XIII.
470
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,672
So, everybody called
this guy "Lucky."
471
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:30,196
And that's exactly
472
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,458
what he was.
Chug, chug, chug,
473
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:32,633
Whoo!
474
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,069
Oh, my God!
475
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:35,679
After graduating
from Princeton,
476
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:38,117
back when you could
bribe your kid into college,
477
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,510
Lucky was on deck
to take over the Hotel Group
478
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:42,773
while working
as a "Client Liaison."
479
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:46,255
Gentlemen! Who's ready to go
hunt some endangered species?
480
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:47,952
I'm just kidding.
Unless you guys
are down,
481
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,519
I can figure
something out.
482
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,086
This meant
traveling around the world,
483
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,827
entertaining wealthy clients
484
00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,220
with all the rich kid hobbies
485
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,352
he had time to master.
Whoo!
486
00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:57,484
We're talking skiing...
487
00:18:57,484 --> 00:19:00,139
Whoo! Snowboarding sucks!
488
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,358
...y achting.
489
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,578
...all the country club sports.
490
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:07,146
Whoo! Looks like
I gotta change
my shoes,
491
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,670
'cause I'm on
the dance floor. What!
492
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:14,283
But I'd say
his overall best skill
493
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,416
was being a prick.
494
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:17,895
There he is.
495
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,506
I see you're still
banging the bellboy.
496
00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:21,029
Luck! No!
Hey!
497
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,683
I'm only joking,
Sea Bass.
498
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:25,773
Hey, what's up,
Luck?[IN ENGLISH] Not much.
499
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,166
You must be
Sebastian's brother.
500
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,993
Hey. No, I'm
his father. Salvo.
How are you?
501
00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:30,517
No way! Seriously?
502
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:32,083
That's crazy.
I can't tell the age
503
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,476
of anybody over 40.
504
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,783
Anyway. Oh, let me
505
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,915
goose you guys
some free samps.
506
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:39,134
I'm an angel investor
507
00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:41,876
in this new anti-aging
skin cream for men
508
00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:43,660
and I'm obvi a client.
509
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,662
This guy.
510
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:46,750
You boys ready to saddle up?
511
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,143
Let's go!
512
00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:50,232
Oh, chopper time!
513
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:52,234
El... El, I don't
think this is such
a good idea.
514
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,714
Yeah, we got
a free car,
you know.
515
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,498
Guys, come on!
516
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:58,371
Trust me, the helicopter
takes 20 minutes,
517
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:01,330
and the views
are magical.
518
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,027
Are you with me?
519
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:06,030
Come on! Let's
have some fun!
520
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:08,207
[ON RADIO] Lucky,
you are cleared for takeoff.
521
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,904
Roger that, Roger.
522
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:11,688
Dude's name is Roger. We hang.
523
00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:13,255
Got a super-hot wife.
524
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:17,172
Hey, if you guys
look out to your left,
525
00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:19,479
you'll see the beautiful
Roanoke River.
526
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,176
Baby, look.
527
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,266
Salvo, it's nice, right?
528
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:25,746
Yeah. Yeah,
yeah, it's nice.
529
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:26,964
Reminds me of 'Nam.
530
00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:35,930
- Huh?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
It's good.
531
00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,410
- Okay. Okay.
- I'm fine.
532
00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:40,848
- Oh, yeah.
- Sorry. Sorry.
533
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,066
I got it. I got it.
534
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:45,766
Had a couple
too many G and Ts.
535
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,420
- He's kidding. He's kidding.
Yeah, yeah.
536
00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,858
- The air don't work.
No, it does.
537
00:20:50,858 --> 00:20:52,642
It works, it works.
538
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:54,644
It's okay.
Only a couple of minutes.
539
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,733
It's just
- a little warm, Dad.
- Son, it's...
540
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:58,692
I think we got a problem here.
541
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:00,041
- What?
- We got
a problem here.
542
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:01,608
Oh, my God! Baby!
543
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:02,957
- Yeah, I can't breathe.
- Wait, wait, wait.
544
00:21:02,957 --> 00:21:04,611
Take a bite out of the lemon.
545
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:05,829
It'll help with
the nausea.
I'm not doing a whole lemon.
546
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:06,917
I'll cut it.
I'll cut it.
Don't worry.
547
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:08,136
Hey.
548
00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:09,311
I'll cut it
into pieces.
Hold on.
549
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,834
I got a knife.
550
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,140
He's got a knife.
Oh, my God.
551
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:13,663
- He's got a knife.
- I'm cutting the lemon.
552
00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:15,578
Okay, here.
Take it. Take it.
Baby, suck it.
553
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:18,059
- Suck on that.
Suck on
that lemon. Suck.
554
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:20,279
Just suck!
Suck, suck, suck!
555
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,237
Sounds like
- my Saturday night.
Suck!
556
00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:24,065
Dude.
Do not vom in my bird.
557
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:25,196
He's not gonna vom
in your bird.
558
00:21:25,196 --> 00:21:26,720
Just breathe
in through the nose,
559
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,025
- out through the mouth.
Suck on that.
560
00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:30,245
- It's making it worse.
- Suck it!
561
00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,377
Cradle the balls.
Suck on that!
562
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:32,639
You just suck!
Just suck it.
563
00:21:32,639 --> 00:21:35,119
- Suck the lemon!
Take it easy, kid.
564
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,730
I think we should
turn around.
He's freaking out.
565
00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:37,992
It's like 19 more minutes.
566
00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:39,689
You can't tough
it out for 19...It stinks!
567
00:21:39,689 --> 00:21:41,909
Let's bring it down.
Let's bring it... Open up the windows!
568
00:21:41,909 --> 00:21:43,389
I'm gonna die!
569
00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:44,477
Put the air conditioning
- down there.
- Bring it down.
570
00:21:44,477 --> 00:21:45,826
- How are you so calm?
Roger,
571
00:21:45,826 --> 00:21:47,654
- we're coming back.
- I'm dying!
Put it down!
572
00:21:47,654 --> 00:21:49,525
Put it down! Ah!
573
00:21:56,619 --> 00:21:59,187
I knew I should've
forced him
to join the army.
574
00:21:59,187 --> 00:22:01,668
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Laugh it up.
575
00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:02,756
Laugh it up, guys.
576
00:22:02,756 --> 00:22:04,801
I'm just happy
I'm on the ground.
577
00:22:07,064 --> 00:22:10,329
Okay, gentlemen.
Welcome to White Oak.
578
00:22:11,678 --> 00:22:13,244
- Wow!
- Right?
579
00:22:13,244 --> 00:22:14,420
Ah, boy.
580
00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:16,944
Um, okay, so, that's
the golf course,
581
00:22:16,944 --> 00:22:21,340
and then
the tennis courts are
back down there.
582
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,168
Oh, baby, look. Right there?
That's my childhood fort.
583
00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:25,561
Oh.
We'd go there.
584
00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:26,562
whenever I needed
to get away from my family.
585
00:22:26,562 --> 00:22:28,347
So, basically, all the time.
586
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:29,826
Yeah, I wish
I had one.
587
00:22:29,826 --> 00:22:32,786
Oh, look!
588
00:22:32,786 --> 00:22:36,790
Oh, my God! It's
Sergeant Feathers
and his family!
589
00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:38,835
What is this?
- Oh, my God!
590
00:22:38,835 --> 00:22:40,707
What are you doing?
591
00:22:40,707 --> 00:22:42,273
- What up, dudes?
What are you...
Is this safe?
592
00:22:42,273 --> 00:22:43,623
Yeah, no, she's crazy.
593
00:22:43,623 --> 00:22:46,060
What's that? What are
you doing? Be careful.
594
00:22:46,060 --> 00:22:47,409
Get back in the car!
595
00:22:47,409 --> 00:22:49,368
They're gonna eat you alive!
596
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:50,586
- Oh, my God!
- Aren't they
the best?
597
00:22:50,586 --> 00:22:51,674
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
598
00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:53,241
They're
so beautiful!
599
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:54,982
So how much
a peacock cost anyway?
600
00:22:54,982 --> 00:22:56,505
Don't answer that, El.
601
00:22:56,505 --> 00:22:58,638
I didn't know they had
peacocks in Virginia.
602
00:22:58,638 --> 00:23:01,815
Oh, well,
my grandfather brought
two here decades ago,
603
00:23:01,815 --> 00:23:03,207
but they didn't
like their cages,
604
00:23:03,207 --> 00:23:04,731
so he decided
to let them roam free.
605
00:23:04,731 --> 00:23:06,080
And now, they've
pretty much just become
606
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,038
the official mascots
of our club.
607
00:23:08,038 --> 00:23:09,736
Well, they're bad luck
where I come from.
608
00:23:09,736 --> 00:23:11,651
They're just a bunch
of goddamn showoffs,
609
00:23:11,651 --> 00:23:13,609
if you ask me.
I don't like them.
610
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:14,828
They're lucky
to be born that way.
611
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:15,872
They could've been
born like a chicken,
612
00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:17,091
or a pigeon.
613
00:23:17,091 --> 00:23:18,701
I mean, it just has
fancy feathers,
614
00:23:18,701 --> 00:23:20,573
so all of a sudden,
it gets more respect.
615
00:23:20,573 --> 00:23:23,706
Okay, guys.
616
00:23:23,706 --> 00:23:25,752
We're here.
Welcome to our house.
617
00:23:27,493 --> 00:23:30,931
Look at this!
Are you kidding me?
618
00:23:30,931 --> 00:23:32,280
How much
a house like this cost?
619
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,848
Enough
with the Price is Right!
620
00:23:34,848 --> 00:23:36,937
He's the Bob Barker
of the backseat.
621
00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:41,202
Oh, my little
cuddle monkey!
Hey! Hi!
622
00:23:41,202 --> 00:23:42,595
Hi.
623
00:23:42,595 --> 00:23:44,597
- Oh, my girl.
Oh!
624
00:23:44,597 --> 00:23:46,642
- Oh, what a beauty!
- Ellie-Bellie!
625
00:23:46,642 --> 00:23:48,383
You know,
looking back at this,
626
00:23:48,383 --> 00:23:50,429
my dad had to be overwhelmed.
627
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,039
Family's a little
handsy, huh?
628
00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:54,215
It's called
love and
affection, Dad.
629
00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:55,956
Unlike you,
when you met me
in the delivery room
630
00:23:55,956 --> 00:23:57,392
and chose
to shake
my hand.
631
00:23:57,392 --> 00:23:59,438
What else was I
supposed to do?
We just met.
632
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,309
Huh?
633
00:24:01,309 --> 00:24:02,397
Guys,
come on. I want
you to meet
634
00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:04,051
Sebastian's father.
635
00:24:04,051 --> 00:24:05,182
- Hey, Sebastian.
- Hi.
636
00:24:05,182 --> 00:24:06,575
Nice to see you.
637
00:24:06,575 --> 00:24:07,663
- Pleasure. Welcome.
Nice
to meet you.
638
00:24:07,663 --> 00:24:09,056
Sebastian,
so good
to see you.
639
00:24:10,318 --> 00:24:14,061
And you must be
the charming Salvo.
640
00:24:14,061 --> 00:24:16,759
So nice to
finally meet you
in person, Tigger.
641
00:24:16,759 --> 00:24:18,282
It's just last week
I was checking out
642
00:24:18,282 --> 00:24:20,197
your highlights
on TV.
643
00:24:20,197 --> 00:24:22,373
Oh, the CNN
or the Fox ones?
644
00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:23,810
No, no,
the blonde ones.
645
00:24:23,810 --> 00:24:25,376
You hair,
if I can say, is
646
00:24:25,376 --> 00:24:26,726
just like
a block
of marble.
647
00:24:26,726 --> 00:24:28,379
I wanna sink
my tools into it.
648
00:24:28,379 --> 00:24:29,903
Dad, Dad,
Dad, what are
you doing?
649
00:24:29,903 --> 00:24:31,426
Sorry, I mean, it's... You're gonna hit her.
650
00:24:31,426 --> 00:24:33,515
Well, Salvo, we've
heard you're quite
the stylist.
651
00:24:33,515 --> 00:24:34,777
Now, tell me this,
652
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:36,170
do you think
I'm too old
to pull off
653
00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:37,345
a set of
frosted tips?
654
00:24:41,044 --> 00:24:42,437
"Frosted tips?"
655
00:24:42,437 --> 00:24:44,744
Good one, sir! Solid gold!
656
00:24:44,744 --> 00:24:46,223
All right,
I'm gonna
hit the links.
657
00:24:46,223 --> 00:24:47,442
Have fun!
Hasta luego!
658
00:24:47,442 --> 00:24:49,488
So, uh, why
don't you
come inside,
659
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,141
and we'll
give you
the grand tour.
660
00:24:51,141 --> 00:24:52,621
Don't worry
about the bags.
661
00:24:52,621 --> 00:24:54,493
Wendell will
take care
of them.
662
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:55,798
Mommy...
663
00:24:55,798 --> 00:24:57,104
That's
a pretty big dog
you got there.
664
00:24:57,104 --> 00:24:59,062
Oh, that's Duke.
665
00:24:59,062 --> 00:25:00,324
We don't get too rough
with him, 'cause we're
afraid he'll kill us.
666
00:25:00,324 --> 00:25:01,891
He's so big!
667
00:25:01,891 --> 00:25:03,110
Dad!
This is our house.
668
00:25:03,110 --> 00:25:04,503
Wow!
Yes.
669
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,939
It's unbelievable.
It's so big.
670
00:25:05,939 --> 00:25:07,288
Oh, this is
671
00:25:07,288 --> 00:25:10,247
our youngest son, Doug.
672
00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:11,510
He's practicing... ELLIE: Hi!
673
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:13,250
...his sound bowls.
674
00:25:13,250 --> 00:25:15,339
Oh, yeah... Sound bowls?
What is that?
675
00:25:15,339 --> 00:25:17,167
Oh, well, now,
a sound bowl is...
676
00:25:17,167 --> 00:25:18,604
It's, actually,
it's an instrument.
677
00:25:18,604 --> 00:25:20,910
It puts out
this vibration
678
00:25:20,910 --> 00:25:23,739
that relieves stress
and promotes relaxation.
679
00:25:23,739 --> 00:25:26,176
He's...
he's learning
to be a healer.
680
00:25:27,613 --> 00:25:29,615
Uh, but we're
just so proud
of him.
681
00:25:29,615 --> 00:25:30,964
You're so loud, Dad.
682
00:25:30,964 --> 00:25:32,487
- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, sorry, sorry.
683
00:25:32,487 --> 00:25:34,794
Let me just...
Sorry. No, I'm
gonna close the...
684
00:25:34,794 --> 00:25:36,143
Play, boy, play.
685
00:25:36,143 --> 00:25:39,015
Play to soothe
the savage beast.
686
00:25:39,015 --> 00:25:40,713
Well, you don't have
to shut 'em.
687
00:25:42,062 --> 00:25:44,891
Wow! This house
is amazing!
688
00:25:44,891 --> 00:25:46,719
- Look at this!
This is nothing.
689
00:25:46,719 --> 00:25:48,242
You should see
the place in Aspen.
690
00:25:48,242 --> 00:25:50,897
Well, it's just,
you know...
691
00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:53,769
- Yeah.
- I love this
cocktail table.
692
00:25:53,769 --> 00:25:56,293
Oh, Sebastian!
693
00:25:56,293 --> 00:25:58,339
Good eye!
694
00:25:58,339 --> 00:26:01,690
The first
commercial coal mine
in the country was
695
00:26:01,690 --> 00:26:02,996
right down
the road
from here,
696
00:26:02,996 --> 00:26:05,999
and this piece is
made out
of the wood
697
00:26:05,999 --> 00:26:08,654
from one
of the original
mine cars.
698
00:26:08,654 --> 00:26:11,395
Drenched
- in history.
- Drenched.
699
00:26:11,395 --> 00:26:13,136
Good for you,
re-using old wood
like that.
700
00:26:13,136 --> 00:26:14,660
Yes.
- This guy always
gets on me
701
00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:16,400
about picking up
trash and putting
it in the house.
702
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,098
Trash?
703
00:26:18,098 --> 00:26:19,665
It's crazy, the stuff
that people throw
away these days.
704
00:26:19,665 --> 00:26:21,405
It sure beats
paying for it,
I mean, right?
705
00:26:21,405 --> 00:26:23,538
- So, I... I take it.
- Right.
706
00:26:23,538 --> 00:26:25,975
Yes. Yes.
That is
707
00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:27,542
- so true.
- Yeah.
708
00:26:27,542 --> 00:26:30,284
Um, actually,
though, we did
pay for this one.
709
00:26:30,284 --> 00:26:32,373
A king's ransom,
710
00:26:32,373 --> 00:26:35,332
if I must say,
but at least
it's too rickety
711
00:26:35,332 --> 00:26:37,030
to put drinks on.
712
00:26:37,030 --> 00:26:38,553
Dad, that's
the worst.
713
00:26:38,553 --> 00:26:41,295
No, no, we just,
we wanted something
714
00:26:41,295 --> 00:26:44,037
that matched
the art
in the room.
715
00:26:44,037 --> 00:26:45,255
Oh, good for you,
716
00:26:45,255 --> 00:26:47,301
hanging up
your kids'
art work like that.
717
00:26:47,301 --> 00:26:53,263
No, these are
original Grandma Moseses.
718
00:26:53,263 --> 00:26:54,395
Can you
believe it?
I'm... I'm sorry.
719
00:26:54,395 --> 00:26:55,744
We
found them...
I'm sorry.
720
00:26:55,744 --> 00:26:57,703
What?
- I'm sorry.
I mean, I...
721
00:26:57,703 --> 00:26:59,313
I didn't mean
to insult your grandmother.
722
00:26:59,313 --> 00:27:01,576
I meant
no disrespect.
I had no idea.
723
00:27:01,576 --> 00:27:03,056
I mean, what was
the matter with her?
724
00:27:03,056 --> 00:27:04,884
Was she a little...
725
00:27:04,884 --> 00:27:05,972
Oh, my God.
726
00:27:05,972 --> 00:27:07,538
Hey, who's hungry
for lunch?
727
00:27:07,538 --> 00:27:09,062
- I am.
Me, me, me!
728
00:27:09,062 --> 00:27:10,846
We could all go
down to The Shack.
729
00:27:10,846 --> 00:27:12,587
Oh, Salvo,
- you're gonna love The Shack!
- What a great idea!
730
00:27:25,469 --> 00:27:26,557
It's me.
731
00:27:28,734 --> 00:27:31,127
Wow, this club
is huge, Bill.
732
00:27:31,127 --> 00:27:32,389
The way
you were
describing it,
733
00:27:32,389 --> 00:27:34,435
I expected
a place where
they're serving
734
00:27:34,435 --> 00:27:36,524
grilled cheese
out of a little
window, you know.
735
00:27:36,524 --> 00:27:39,483
Yes, I suppose
they've fixed it up
over the years.
736
00:27:39,483 --> 00:27:41,572
But to us
it will
always be...
737
00:27:41,572 --> 00:27:43,270
The Shack.
738
00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:45,185
This place was
built by slaves.
739
00:27:45,185 --> 00:27:46,708
Douglass.
740
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:49,015
What, I'm not allowed
to tell the truth now?
741
00:27:49,015 --> 00:27:50,712
How are we supposed
to confront our problems
742
00:27:50,712 --> 00:27:52,888
if we don't
talk about it, Dad?
743
00:27:52,888 --> 00:27:54,498
No, it's true.
It's true.
744
00:27:54,498 --> 00:27:57,197
The... Some
of the history
down here is
745
00:27:57,197 --> 00:27:58,372
just...
it's brutal.
746
00:27:58,372 --> 00:28:00,591
- Mmm.
- It's just unthinkable.
747
00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:04,421
It's not on the menu,
but you can order
748
00:28:04,421 --> 00:28:06,423
the club sandwich
with lobster.
749
00:28:06,423 --> 00:28:08,295
You know, I can't
even bring
my girlfriend here
750
00:28:08,295 --> 00:28:09,557
because
I'm ashamed.
751
00:28:11,298 --> 00:28:12,821
She's
an African person.
752
00:28:12,821 --> 00:28:16,477
She is a person
emailing you from Africa,
753
00:28:16,477 --> 00:28:18,958
and to whom
you are sending
back money.
754
00:28:18,958 --> 00:28:20,394
We have
yet to confirm
755
00:28:20,394 --> 00:28:22,875
whether she's
a girl or a friend.
756
00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:24,920
Keep me safe
from negative energy.
757
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,009
Hi, everyone. Welcome
to White Oak.
758
00:28:27,009 --> 00:28:29,925
What can
- I get you guys?
- Oh, no bread, please.
759
00:28:29,925 --> 00:28:32,928
Um, do you have
those crackers?
The seedy ones?
760
00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:35,409
- Of course.
- Gloria, do you
have kombucha?
761
00:28:35,409 --> 00:28:38,020
- I can check.
- Does anyone
want in on this?
762
00:28:38,020 --> 00:28:39,935
Ever since I've
had kombucha,
763
00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:42,895
my BMs have been
- ...completely regular.
Oh. All right.
764
00:28:42,895 --> 00:28:45,288
- I've had no problems.
- All right.
Remember, Douglass,
765
00:28:45,288 --> 00:28:47,813
we don't talk about
- our BMs at the table.
- No.
766
00:28:47,813 --> 00:28:49,597
Before I was
drinking kombucha,
767
00:28:50,206 --> 00:28:51,947
my feces looked like
768
00:28:51,947 --> 00:28:53,993
ripped,
little pieces
of paper
769
00:28:53,993 --> 00:28:55,603
and then after
I started drinking,
770
00:28:55,603 --> 00:28:57,431
they're long,
soft logs.
771
00:28:57,431 --> 00:29:00,390
Well, all right.
Thank you for that.
772
00:29:00,390 --> 00:29:02,175
Um, do you know
what you want,
Sebastian?
773
00:29:02,175 --> 00:29:04,438
Just a...
774
00:29:04,438 --> 00:29:06,745
- the Cobb salad.
Good choice.
775
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:08,485
What are you, one
of my sorority sisters?
776
00:29:08,485 --> 00:29:10,749
Is that all
you're gonna get?
777
00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:12,272
You're not
gonna get
a starter?
778
00:29:12,272 --> 00:29:14,100
Yeah, uh,
I'm just gonna
779
00:29:14,100 --> 00:29:15,405
stick with the middle
of the menu.
780
00:29:15,405 --> 00:29:17,190
All right,
suit yourself.
781
00:29:17,190 --> 00:29:18,626
Salvo, what are
you gonna get?
782
00:29:18,626 --> 00:29:20,846
Gloria, I think
I'm gonna have the...
783
00:29:20,846 --> 00:29:22,935
the BLT with
the onion rings.
784
00:29:22,935 --> 00:29:24,980
But what's
the price
on that dish?
785
00:29:25,633 --> 00:29:26,852
Oh, no, we don't...
786
00:29:26,852 --> 00:29:31,160
Salvo, this may
sound very silly
787
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,162
but we don't
like to put
prices on things,
788
00:29:33,162 --> 00:29:37,906
because it's just
an annoying reminder
of money. Right?
789
00:29:37,906 --> 00:29:39,690
Oh!
790
00:29:39,690 --> 00:29:41,431
So, everything's
for free, you mean?
791
00:29:41,431 --> 00:29:44,260
No. No, it is
not free.
792
00:29:44,260 --> 00:29:45,696
I wish it were.
793
00:29:45,696 --> 00:29:47,350
Nothing is free.
794
00:29:47,350 --> 00:29:49,570
So, what do they do?
I mean, they make up
a price, or...
795
00:29:49,570 --> 00:29:51,267
Oh, Dad, it's...
you know...
796
00:29:51,267 --> 00:29:52,529
Son, I'm talking
to Bill, here.
797
00:29:52,529 --> 00:29:53,792
Are you Bill?
Hello, Bill.
798
00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:55,228
It's fine.
799
00:29:55,228 --> 00:29:57,056
Everything has
- a set price.
- Mmm.
800
00:29:57,056 --> 00:29:59,449
And then they just
tally it up at the
end of the week,
801
00:29:59,449 --> 00:30:01,712
put it on my bill,
and it's
taken care of.
802
00:30:01,712 --> 00:30:03,236
Got it.
Okay, got it.
803
00:30:03,236 --> 00:30:04,759
Well, Gloria,
I would just
love to chat
804
00:30:04,759 --> 00:30:06,282
with somebody
who knows
the prices.
805
00:30:06,282 --> 00:30:07,675
Salvo, please.
806
00:30:07,675 --> 00:30:10,156
Please. It would
be our pleasure
to treat you.
807
00:30:10,156 --> 00:30:11,984
I would love that
and thank you, Tigger.
808
00:30:11,984 --> 00:30:14,638
But I think you do
way, way, way
too much, already.
809
00:30:14,638 --> 00:30:16,640
You're putting us
up in your home,
810
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,078
that's enough already.
We want to at least,
you know, pay for the meal.
811
00:30:19,078 --> 00:30:20,775
- It's not a big deal.
- I know it's not
a big deal.
812
00:30:20,775 --> 00:30:22,124
Don't make
a big deal out
of it. It's all right.
813
00:30:22,124 --> 00:30:23,604
Don't worry
about it.
It's okay.
814
00:30:23,604 --> 00:30:25,736
So, Gloria,
just do me
a favor,
815
00:30:25,736 --> 00:30:27,216
find out how much
it is for the BLT.
816
00:30:27,216 --> 00:30:29,653
What did
you get again?
Just the Cobb salad.
817
00:30:29,653 --> 00:30:31,090
- Cobb salad.
Please. Please,
818
00:30:31,090 --> 00:30:32,569
No, we'll take
care of it.
Just let us pay.
819
00:30:32,569 --> 00:30:33,962
It will be
so much easier...
Just let them pay.
820
00:30:33,962 --> 00:30:35,703
...if you just
let them pay.
I can't let you.
821
00:30:35,703 --> 00:30:38,358
- ...taken care of it.
- Dad, let them pay.
822
00:30:38,358 --> 00:30:40,055
- Please let them pay.
- Just let us pay.
823
00:30:40,055 --> 00:30:41,970
- I can't let you pay.
It's so easy.
824
00:30:46,627 --> 00:30:48,759
I don't know
what you're
so upset about.
825
00:30:48,759 --> 00:30:50,805
I mean, I'm
a working guy.
826
00:30:50,805 --> 00:30:52,067
I like to pay
my own way.
827
00:30:52,067 --> 00:30:53,416
I don't want
to owe anybody anything.
828
00:30:53,416 --> 00:30:55,027
I'm upset because
you're supposed
829
00:30:55,027 --> 00:30:56,680
to be getting
to know Ellie's family.
830
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,552
And instead,
you made a big scene.
831
00:30:58,552 --> 00:31:00,597
So what? Who cares?
These people are strange.
832
00:31:00,597 --> 00:31:01,903
Yeah, you think
they are.
833
00:31:01,903 --> 00:31:03,905
They are strange.
Are you kidding me?
834
00:31:03,905 --> 00:31:05,820
They wanna take
a break from thinking
about money.
835
00:31:05,820 --> 00:31:07,300
Where I come from,
that's called dying.
836
00:31:07,300 --> 00:31:08,997
All right, that's...
837
00:31:08,997 --> 00:31:11,260
It's a different life.
838
00:31:11,260 --> 00:31:12,566
But you still
gotta try.
839
00:31:13,175 --> 00:31:14,524
Try...
840
00:31:14,524 --> 00:31:16,091
I just don't
know, Sebastian,
I got to tell you.
841
00:31:16,091 --> 00:31:18,006
I don't know
how you're
gonna fit in.
842
00:31:18,006 --> 00:31:19,703
It ain't normal. I mean,
your mother and me,
843
00:31:19,703 --> 00:31:21,314
we didn't
raise you
this way, so...
844
00:31:21,314 --> 00:31:23,272
Yeah, you raised me
to marry an Italian
845
00:31:23,272 --> 00:31:24,926
who shouts
when she's happy,
846
00:31:24,926 --> 00:31:26,449
and grows hair
in places I didn't
even know could grow.
847
00:31:26,449 --> 00:31:28,060
So what? That's
a real woman.
848
00:31:28,060 --> 00:31:29,583
Your mother was a real woman,
849
00:31:29,583 --> 00:31:31,280
who put real food
on the table,
850
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,979
not somebody
who refuses
a bread basket.
851
00:31:33,979 --> 00:31:35,415
All right, Dad,
even I have to admit
852
00:31:35,415 --> 00:31:37,721
- the crackers were awful.
- It's like
eating birdseed.
853
00:31:37,721 --> 00:31:39,375
Yeah. I didn't know
whether to eat 'em
with my hands
854
00:31:39,375 --> 00:31:40,594
or just walk
around and...
855
00:31:44,250 --> 00:31:46,121
Exactly, and you notice
how they try to downplay
856
00:31:46,121 --> 00:31:47,427
how fancy it is?
857
00:31:47,427 --> 00:31:48,602
Oh, yeah."Excuse me?
858
00:31:48,602 --> 00:31:50,038
"I'm looking at this.
859
00:31:50,038 --> 00:31:52,258
"Excuse me.
I got eyes.
I can see. Hello."
860
00:31:52,258 --> 00:31:53,781
They walk around,
saying, "Oh, yes.
861
00:31:53,781 --> 00:31:56,131
"The house is
60,000 square feet,
862
00:31:56,131 --> 00:31:57,524
"with 13 bedrooms,
863
00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:59,918
"but we like it
because it's cozy."
864
00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:01,832
And then they do
the opposite
with the furniture.
865
00:32:01,832 --> 00:32:03,269
They make it sound
more important
866
00:32:03,269 --> 00:32:04,574
than it really is.
867
00:32:04,574 --> 00:32:06,446
It can't just be
like a regular chair.
868
00:32:06,446 --> 00:32:08,143
It's got to have like
a whole back story.
869
00:32:08,143 --> 00:32:09,362
- Oh, yeah.
- I mean, what...
870
00:32:09,362 --> 00:32:11,538
"This is the chair
Thomas Jefferson sat in
871
00:32:11,538 --> 00:32:13,844
"when he signed
the treaty of
Who-the-Hell-Cares?"
872
00:32:13,844 --> 00:32:16,456
"Well, the toilet is where
Abe Lincoln took a dump.
873
00:32:16,456 --> 00:32:17,979
"There's a plaque
right there."
874
00:32:17,979 --> 00:32:20,503
"Oh, do they got a place
for his hat in there, too?"
875
00:32:20,503 --> 00:32:21,852
I mean, I don't know
if I'm in a house
876
00:32:21,852 --> 00:32:23,158
or I'm in a museum.
877
00:32:24,290 --> 00:32:26,727
So, tell us,
what's new
in Chicago?
878
00:32:26,727 --> 00:32:28,511
How's the art?
879
00:32:28,511 --> 00:32:31,079
Well, it's, um... Yes?
880
00:32:31,079 --> 00:32:32,689
- It's great.
- Yes.
881
00:32:32,689 --> 00:32:34,561
All my pieces
from my last show
882
00:32:34,561 --> 00:32:36,955
sold out at the opening.
I mean...
883
00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:38,957
Well, that's
something...
That's amazing!
884
00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:40,393
- ...to crow about.
- Yeah, right?
885
00:32:40,393 --> 00:32:43,222
So, now that
you're getting
all these contacts,
886
00:32:43,222 --> 00:32:46,051
you could probably
work from anywhere.
887
00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:49,793
- Mom, stop, no.
- Right, sweetie?
Right?
888
00:32:49,793 --> 00:32:51,578
Sebastian and I
love living
in Chicago.
889
00:32:51,578 --> 00:32:53,058
Oh.
890
00:32:53,058 --> 00:32:55,712
But we miss
having you
there in D.C.
891
00:32:55,712 --> 00:32:57,932
We really do.
- We really do.
- We do.
892
00:32:57,932 --> 00:32:59,238
These cheeks
aren't as fun
893
00:32:59,238 --> 00:33:00,630
to kiss
on FaceTime.
894
00:33:00,630 --> 00:33:01,892
Oh, my God.
I want a cheek, too.
895
00:33:01,892 --> 00:33:03,329
Where's my cheek?
Where's my cheek?
896
00:33:03,329 --> 00:33:06,636
Excuse me. Excuse me.
897
00:33:06,636 --> 00:33:08,116
You guys aren't supposed
to be talking
898
00:33:08,116 --> 00:33:09,378
- during a sound bath.
- Oh, God.
899
00:33:09,378 --> 00:33:11,206
Oh, of course.
Sorry. Sorry, Dougie.
900
00:33:11,206 --> 00:33:12,468
No. No, this is... Sorry, sorry, sorry.
901
00:33:12,468 --> 00:33:13,992
This is wonderful.
902
00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:16,907
Please keep
bathing us
in sound.
903
00:33:16,907 --> 00:33:19,084
- Yes.
- Go, with
your... Yeah.
904
00:33:19,084 --> 00:33:22,174
Dad, listen. We're here
because I wanna marry Ellie.
905
00:33:22,174 --> 00:33:24,393
So, it don't matter
how it works
with these people.
906
00:33:24,393 --> 00:33:25,829
It works with her.
907
00:33:25,829 --> 00:33:27,744
So, come on.
Tomorrow, please,
908
00:33:27,744 --> 00:33:29,746
can you give
these people
a chance?
909
00:33:29,746 --> 00:33:32,836
Got it. Got it.
No problem, no problem.
910
00:33:32,836 --> 00:33:34,969
Because at the end
of the day, son,
it's your life.
911
00:33:36,579 --> 00:33:37,972
- Night cologne?
- Yep.
912
00:33:46,285 --> 00:33:48,417
Look at this.
Pink sheets?
913
00:33:48,417 --> 00:33:49,462
What?
914
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,595
Well, we're
in a dollhouse.
915
00:33:56,164 --> 00:33:58,514
Mom, Dad,
I would love
916
00:33:58,514 --> 00:34:00,386
to live closer,
you know that.
917
00:34:00,386 --> 00:34:02,518
- And?
- But...
918
00:34:02,518 --> 00:34:04,868
Sebastian has
his dad,
919
00:34:04,868 --> 00:34:06,870
- and a great job.
- Yeah, working
920
00:34:06,870 --> 00:34:08,394
for the damn Hiltons.
921
00:34:08,394 --> 00:34:09,830
- The Hiltons.
- Such a good gig.
922
00:34:09,830 --> 00:34:11,527
Do you still have
to have herpes to work there?
923
00:34:11,527 --> 00:34:13,703
The point is... Thank you
for that.
924
00:34:13,703 --> 00:34:16,619
...that he loves it,
925
00:34:16,619 --> 00:34:19,013
and I couldn't
just ask him
to leave.
926
00:34:19,013 --> 00:34:21,494
Sure, but that house
that you guys live in,
927
00:34:21,494 --> 00:34:24,279
- it's so cramped.
- We prefer "modest."
928
00:34:24,279 --> 00:34:26,716
You don't go
on vacations.
Because we're working.
929
00:34:26,716 --> 00:34:28,109
And
all that cologne?
930
00:34:28,109 --> 00:34:30,024
They made my chopper smell
like a Nordstrom's.
931
00:34:30,024 --> 00:34:31,460
God! I hate it
932
00:34:31,460 --> 00:34:34,333
when you guys
gang up on me
like this.
933
00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:36,378
It's not fair!
And like it or not,
934
00:34:36,900 --> 00:34:37,988
Mom, Dad,
935
00:34:39,164 --> 00:34:40,469
and Lucky... Ow!
936
00:34:40,469 --> 00:34:42,732
Sebastian and I are
very happy together,
937
00:34:42,732 --> 00:34:44,865
and we're staying
in Chicago.
938
00:34:44,865 --> 00:34:46,475
I'm sorry, Dougie.
939
00:34:46,475 --> 00:34:48,608
Okay. I can't open
chakras like this.
940
00:34:48,608 --> 00:34:50,479
I'm gonna go
call my girlfriend.
941
00:34:50,479 --> 00:34:52,786
- Oh, no!
- It's fine.
It's fine.
942
00:34:52,786 --> 00:34:54,092
Oh, shit!
943
00:34:55,049 --> 00:34:56,181
Bitcoin's down.
944
00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:00,924
Will you look at us?
Walking through
945
00:35:00,924 --> 00:35:04,232
a gated community
as guests.
946
00:35:04,232 --> 00:35:05,625
Not groundskeepers.
947
00:35:05,625 --> 00:35:07,192
Yeah. Well,
I just hope
948
00:35:07,192 --> 00:35:08,758
nothing gets stolen
this weekend,
949
00:35:08,758 --> 00:35:10,847
'cause these people
love to blame
the immigrants.
950
00:35:12,153 --> 00:35:13,415
Look at this one.
Look at this one.
951
00:35:13,415 --> 00:35:15,591
What'd she do?
Take the gym
equipment home?
952
00:35:15,591 --> 00:35:16,940
- Morning!
- Hello.
953
00:35:16,940 --> 00:35:18,333
Beautiful day,
isn't it?
Yeah.
954
00:35:18,333 --> 00:35:20,335
- Beautiful.
- Yeah. Yeah.
955
00:35:20,335 --> 00:35:22,337
You gotta be kidding me.
What the hell's her problem?
956
00:35:22,337 --> 00:35:23,817
"Beautiful day."
Give me a break.
957
00:35:23,817 --> 00:35:25,471
She's happy, Dad.
958
00:35:25,471 --> 00:35:28,213
She probably had
a father that let her
sleep in past 5:45.
959
00:35:28,213 --> 00:35:29,475
I mean, I can't
stop thinking
960
00:35:29,475 --> 00:35:30,911
about how much work
I'm missing.
961
00:35:30,911 --> 00:35:32,565
I could've done
four dyes
and a perm by now.
962
00:35:32,565 --> 00:35:34,480
Two electric bills
I could've paid. Two.
963
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,090
- Good morning.
- Hello.
964
00:35:37,265 --> 00:35:39,049
"Good morning."
Come on.
965
00:35:39,049 --> 00:35:41,269
What you talking about?
She's in a bathrobe.
I can't believe this.
966
00:35:41,269 --> 00:35:43,010
I mean, don't
these people
have jobs?
967
00:35:43,010 --> 00:35:44,533
It's a holiday weekend.
968
00:35:44,533 --> 00:35:46,840
Plus, they got
their money in
the stock market.
969
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,973
Not mayonnaise jars
buried in their backyard.
970
00:35:49,973 --> 00:35:52,106
Just relax.
Come on, Dad.
971
00:35:52,106 --> 00:35:54,848
It's a beautiful day!
972
00:36:02,247 --> 00:36:04,510
Back and forth,
back and forth.
973
00:36:04,510 --> 00:36:06,860
You play this game?
Come on.
974
00:36:06,860 --> 00:36:08,209
The outfits?
975
00:36:08,209 --> 00:36:09,819
The wives
with their culos
hanging out
976
00:36:09,819 --> 00:36:11,647
for everybody
to see?
977
00:36:11,647 --> 00:36:13,171
And when
they hit a ball,
it sounds like
978
00:36:13,171 --> 00:36:14,302
they're having
an orgasm. They're
hitting a ball.
979
00:36:15,869 --> 00:36:17,958
Come on. The only reason
I agreed to play is
980
00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:19,829
so you could spend
some time with Bill.
981
00:36:19,829 --> 00:36:21,483
So just relax
and do what
we came to do.
982
00:36:21,483 --> 00:36:22,745
Yeah, I am relaxed.
983
00:36:22,745 --> 00:36:24,182
Look, I got
sandals on.
984
00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:26,358
I'm relaxed.
985
00:36:26,358 --> 00:36:28,534
You look like
the guy who killed
John Wick's dog.
986
00:36:28,534 --> 00:36:30,188
Who's that?
I don't even
know who that is.
987
00:36:32,581 --> 00:36:34,757
So Ellie tells me
you're quite the player.
988
00:36:34,757 --> 00:36:36,411
Yeah, I've taken
a couple lessons.
989
00:36:36,411 --> 00:36:37,978
Well, get ready
to bring it.
990
00:36:37,978 --> 00:36:40,285
I love my family everywhere,
991
00:36:40,285 --> 00:36:42,635
except on
the tennis court.
992
00:36:42,635 --> 00:36:43,940
- Chest-bump!
- Oh, wow!
993
00:36:43,940 --> 00:36:46,204
Oh, jeez, that's
uncomfortable.
994
00:36:46,204 --> 00:36:48,075
Let's do this.
Mom, you ready?
995
00:36:56,475 --> 00:36:57,998
It's time
for tennis, baby!
996
00:36:59,434 --> 00:37:01,349
So, hey, Bill...
Yeah?
997
00:37:01,349 --> 00:37:03,482
So how long
you been in the
hotel business?
998
00:37:03,482 --> 00:37:05,484
Oh, yes, well,
50 years.
999
00:37:05,484 --> 00:37:07,747
A long time.
My whole life. Yeah.
1000
00:37:08,704 --> 00:37:10,445
But then it's...
1001
00:37:10,445 --> 00:37:12,752
I guess it's
a pretty exciting
thing to do.
1002
00:37:12,752 --> 00:37:14,493
I love it. I love it.
I got... I got hotel...
1003
00:37:14,493 --> 00:37:16,625
I got... I got
hotels in
my blood.
1004
00:37:16,625 --> 00:37:18,148
Just like
you have hair
in your blood.
1005
00:37:18,148 --> 00:37:19,628
Right? I mean...
1006
00:37:19,628 --> 00:37:22,631
Yo, Sea Bass.
Hope you got on
your oven mitts.
1007
00:37:22,631 --> 00:37:24,154
'Cause here comes the heat.
1008
00:37:24,154 --> 00:37:26,244
Oh.
1009
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:29,072
Oh, my God!
Sorry.
1010
00:37:29,072 --> 00:37:30,639
What the hell was
that, Sebastian?
1011
00:37:30,639 --> 00:37:32,554
Ellie told me you had game.
1012
00:37:32,554 --> 00:37:34,164
- Sorry.
Didn't
come easy.
1013
00:37:34,164 --> 00:37:35,992
I got, uh,
kicked out
of Harvard
1014
00:37:35,992 --> 00:37:37,820
for playing
the sax. I know,
it's a long story.
1015
00:37:37,820 --> 00:37:39,474
But my dad,
he got mad.
He said,
1016
00:37:39,474 --> 00:37:41,215
"That's it.
You make it
on your own."
1017
00:37:41,215 --> 00:37:43,739
He gave me
one hotel. One.
1018
00:37:43,739 --> 00:37:45,132
- Wow.
- Yeah.
1019
00:37:45,132 --> 00:37:46,481
That's
- impressive.
- Well...
1020
00:37:48,657 --> 00:37:50,180
My father
gave me
a mule.
1021
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,270
Next day
it died.
1022
00:37:54,881 --> 00:37:56,317
Gah!
1023
00:37:56,317 --> 00:37:58,754
♪ Put the macaroni
in the pot and cook it ♪
1024
00:38:01,583 --> 00:38:03,063
What's
that, Doug?
1025
00:38:03,063 --> 00:38:04,717
It's an adult
coloring book.
1026
00:38:08,373 --> 00:38:09,809
Hey,
man, you wanna
take a break
1027
00:38:09,809 --> 00:38:12,377
for some more water
or some more
tennis lessons?
1028
00:38:14,988 --> 00:38:17,251
What is going on?
1029
00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:18,600
- What?
- You love tennis,
1030
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,036
and it's like
you're not even
trying out here.
1031
00:38:20,036 --> 00:38:21,473
Come on, it's
just a game.
1032
00:38:21,473 --> 00:38:22,952
Well...
1033
00:38:22,952 --> 00:38:24,345
All right.
At least
take off
1034
00:38:24,345 --> 00:38:25,738
this stupid
- tracksuit.
- No, it's cold.
1035
00:38:25,738 --> 00:38:27,130
Leave it on.
- Leave it on.
- You must be sweating...
1036
00:38:27,130 --> 00:38:28,610
No, I'm cold.
I'm cold....your tits off!
1037
00:38:28,610 --> 00:38:30,220
You're not cold.
1038
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:34,703
Wait a sec. Are you
embarrassed to play
1039
00:38:34,703 --> 00:38:36,009
because your dad
is watching?
1040
00:38:36,009 --> 00:38:37,271
Listen, he's not
the biggest fan
1041
00:38:37,271 --> 00:38:38,620
of sports like this.
1042
00:38:38,620 --> 00:38:40,230
And I don't
really feel like
going over there
1043
00:38:40,230 --> 00:38:41,536
and explaining to him
1044
00:38:41,536 --> 00:38:43,538
that I'm paying a guy
to teach me how to play.
1045
00:38:43,538 --> 00:38:45,584
Well, you should know
that my mother is not
1046
00:38:45,584 --> 00:38:48,326
a "big fan"
of losing either.
1047
00:38:50,589 --> 00:38:53,287
Yeah.
1048
00:38:53,287 --> 00:38:55,811
Listen, at least
she stopped
chest-bumping me.
1049
00:38:55,811 --> 00:38:57,987
The only breasts
I wanna feel in
this family are yours.
1050
00:38:58,945 --> 00:39:00,338
Not if you lose.
1051
00:39:01,513 --> 00:39:03,341
Sebastian,
did Ellie
ever tell you
1052
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:04,646
about the guy
she dated,
1053
00:39:04,646 --> 00:39:07,388
during her semester
abroad in Scotland?
1054
00:39:07,388 --> 00:39:09,695
Is that
Andy-frickin'-Murray?
1055
00:39:09,695 --> 00:39:12,524
Never lost
a match with him
on my team.
1056
00:39:12,524 --> 00:39:14,003
I wonder what
he's up to.
1057
00:39:14,003 --> 00:39:15,527
Hey, you know what?
I'll play with my weak hand.
1058
00:39:15,527 --> 00:39:17,833
That way
you guys have,
like, a shot.
1059
00:39:19,661 --> 00:39:21,097
Is that cool, Mom?
1060
00:39:21,097 --> 00:39:23,361
Until then,
my nightmare had been
1061
00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:26,146
letting my father
see me enjoy this life.
1062
00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:35,024
So, much like the kick serve
1063
00:39:35,024 --> 00:39:38,637
I learned from a Swedish pro
named Johannes,
1064
00:39:38,637 --> 00:39:40,552
this would be the point
1065
00:39:40,552 --> 00:39:42,075
of no return.
1066
00:39:45,339 --> 00:39:46,558
Ooh!
1067
00:40:21,419 --> 00:40:22,637
Oh, no.
1068
00:40:23,159 --> 00:40:24,509
You see this?
1069
00:40:24,509 --> 00:40:27,076
Crud! I am calm!
1070
00:40:27,076 --> 00:40:28,382
Serve!
1071
00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:32,952
This a game
you can
pick up fast?
1072
00:40:34,344 --> 00:40:35,433
Not at this level.
1073
00:40:41,090 --> 00:40:42,178
My, my.
1074
00:40:42,178 --> 00:40:44,746
Sebastian,
he's got game.
1075
00:40:44,746 --> 00:40:46,139
You must be
very proud.
1076
00:41:03,635 --> 00:41:05,637
Lucky! Are
you okay?
1077
00:41:05,637 --> 00:41:06,986
No, I'm not okay.
1078
00:41:06,986 --> 00:41:08,901
So sorry, Luck.
1079
00:41:08,901 --> 00:41:11,077
Oh, that's okay, Sebastian.
1080
00:41:11,077 --> 00:41:12,513
I'm sure it was
an accident.
1081
00:41:12,513 --> 00:41:13,645
Oh, my God.
1082
00:41:13,645 --> 00:41:15,211
Quick! Bill!
1083
00:41:15,211 --> 00:41:18,388
Get a small cup
of ice water
for his testes.
1084
00:41:18,388 --> 00:41:19,607
Here.
What?
1085
00:41:19,607 --> 00:41:21,043
I'm way
ahead of you, sweetheart.
1086
00:41:21,043 --> 00:41:22,392
No, no, no. no.
- Here, this
is ice tea.
1087
00:41:22,392 --> 00:41:23,393
- It's not gonna hurt.
- Easy, son.
Rest easy.
1088
00:41:23,393 --> 00:41:24,743
- Nice and cool.
- We're gonna cool
1089
00:41:24,743 --> 00:41:26,614
my future
- grandbabies.
- Stop what you're doing!
1090
00:41:26,614 --> 00:41:28,050
- No, no, no.
- No, no, no.
Do you want me
1091
00:41:28,050 --> 00:41:29,182
to squeeze one, sweetie...
Take these. Hold these.
1092
00:41:29,182 --> 00:41:30,400
...just to feel
how it is?
Trust me.
1093
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,054
Don't touch.
Oh, okay.
1094
00:41:32,054 --> 00:41:33,403
When did
you learn to play tennis
like that, anyway?
1095
00:41:33,403 --> 00:41:35,928
I took a few lessons
for Ellie, all right?
1096
00:41:35,928 --> 00:41:37,016
It's not that big
of a deal.
1097
00:41:37,016 --> 00:41:38,452
So how much
this cost you?
1098
00:41:38,452 --> 00:41:40,323
To all
the immigrant kids watching,
1099
00:41:40,323 --> 00:41:42,543
you know when
you get that question,
1100
00:41:42,543 --> 00:41:44,327
you always give them
the parent price.
1101
00:41:44,327 --> 00:41:45,415
Uh, $40.
1102
00:41:45,415 --> 00:41:46,895
Forty? You're
telling me
1103
00:41:46,895 --> 00:41:47,983
you paid the price
1104
00:41:47,983 --> 00:41:49,158
of a long hair blowout
1105
00:41:49,158 --> 00:41:51,291
for somebody
to teach you
a game?
1106
00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:53,032
I mean,
what am
I gonna say?
1107
00:41:53,032 --> 00:41:55,164
Now, just imagine
how he'd react if I told him
1108
00:41:55,164 --> 00:41:57,210
the actual price was 80.
1109
00:41:57,210 --> 00:41:59,908
Next thing I know,
you'll be serving me
the bird crackers.
1110
00:42:01,301 --> 00:42:03,042
Son, serve me
the bird crackers.
Come on.
1111
00:42:03,956 --> 00:42:05,697
It's a hobby, Dad.
1112
00:42:05,697 --> 00:42:07,568
A lot of people have
them, all right?
1113
00:42:07,568 --> 00:42:09,004
Stop acting
like I'm
joining a cult.
1114
00:42:09,004 --> 00:42:10,092
Well, it is a cult.
1115
00:42:10,092 --> 00:42:11,354
Only instead
of Kool-Aid,
1116
00:42:11,354 --> 00:42:12,530
they're serving champagne.
1117
00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:14,532
Mmm.
1118
00:42:16,577 --> 00:42:17,622
Welcome,
everyone,
1119
00:42:17,622 --> 00:42:18,710
to the
S.S. Collins.
1120
00:42:18,710 --> 00:42:21,495
Uh, fun fact.
I won this boat,
1121
00:42:21,495 --> 00:42:22,844
playing
backgammon
1122
00:42:22,844 --> 00:42:24,237
with Sir Richard Branson.
1123
00:42:24,237 --> 00:42:26,631
So for us,
every voyage is
a Virgin one.
1124
00:42:28,197 --> 00:42:29,416
- Good one, sir.
- Thanks.
1125
00:42:29,416 --> 00:42:31,113
Now, Bill and I
have been talking,
1126
00:42:31,113 --> 00:42:33,638
and we were
going to wait
1127
00:42:33,638 --> 00:42:35,335
until the weekend
to do this,
1128
00:42:35,335 --> 00:42:37,511
but, um,
now we're just
too excited.
1129
00:42:37,511 --> 00:42:39,687
All right.
Uh, Sebastian,
1130
00:42:39,687 --> 00:42:42,255
as a lifelong hotelier,
1131
00:42:42,255 --> 00:42:44,605
and the father
of the most
wonderful girl
1132
00:42:44,605 --> 00:42:46,259
in the world... I love you.
1133
00:42:46,259 --> 00:42:48,348
...I have to say,
it just killed me...
1134
00:42:48,348 --> 00:42:50,393
killed...
Kills us.
Kills us. Yes.
1135
00:42:50,393 --> 00:42:51,656
We are dead,
1136
00:42:51,656 --> 00:42:54,093
thinking that
you are working
1137
00:42:54,093 --> 00:42:55,790
for our biggest competitor.
1138
00:42:55,790 --> 00:42:57,400
So... Go on.
1139
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:58,532
Shall I?Yes.
1140
00:42:58,532 --> 00:43:00,142
- Right now?
- Please do.
1141
00:43:00,142 --> 00:43:01,883
Okay.
- Daddy,
what is it?
1142
00:43:01,883 --> 00:43:05,365
On behalf
of the Collins
Hotel group,
1143
00:43:05,365 --> 00:43:07,193
I would love you
to join our side
1144
00:43:07,193 --> 00:43:09,238
and become
the new face
1145
00:43:09,238 --> 00:43:12,198
of the luxurious
five-star experience,
1146
00:43:12,198 --> 00:43:14,113
that is...
drum roll,
1147
00:43:16,637 --> 00:43:18,030
The Barrymore Hotel.
1148
00:43:18,030 --> 00:43:19,118
Go on. Yeah.
1149
00:43:19,118 --> 00:43:20,293
Not kidding.
1150
00:43:20,293 --> 00:43:22,164
What?
Are you serious?
1151
00:43:22,164 --> 00:43:23,601
Not kidding.
Very serious.
1152
00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:25,254
This is
your signature property.
1153
00:43:25,254 --> 00:43:26,995
The most
prestigious hotel
in D.C.
1154
00:43:26,995 --> 00:43:28,257
Yeah,
it better be.
We just spent
1155
00:43:28,257 --> 00:43:30,477
$240 million
restoring it.
1156
00:43:30,477 --> 00:43:33,219
Uh, Dad, I thought
you were saving
that job for me.
1157
00:43:33,219 --> 00:43:34,873
We regularly drug test.
1158
00:43:34,873 --> 00:43:36,962
Oh. Okay then.
1159
00:43:36,962 --> 00:43:39,051
Mom, Dad,
this is
so generous.
1160
00:43:39,051 --> 00:43:40,487
We
wouldn't do this
1161
00:43:40,487 --> 00:43:43,098
if we didn't think
he was perfect
for the job.
1162
00:43:43,098 --> 00:43:45,144
Come on, let's
go get some
more champagne.
1163
00:43:45,144 --> 00:43:46,232
- Let's take a look.
- I mean...
1164
00:43:46,232 --> 00:43:47,537
Let's take
a look at...
What?
1165
00:43:47,537 --> 00:43:48,713
...what you're... I can't
believe this.
1166
00:43:48,713 --> 00:43:49,888
...going to be
the new manager of.
1167
00:43:49,888 --> 00:43:51,541
Now this was
built in 1896.
1168
00:43:51,541 --> 00:43:53,369
It's been completely restored,
1169
00:43:53,369 --> 00:43:55,937
down to the dings
and the doorknobs.
1170
00:43:57,591 --> 00:43:59,593
Take a look.
No, they're all... Everything.
1171
00:43:59,593 --> 00:44:02,074
Hey, uh, Doug,
what are you doing?
1172
00:44:02,074 --> 00:44:04,206
Just getting
the blood flowing.
1173
00:44:05,555 --> 00:44:06,731
Your face is
getting a little red.
1174
00:44:07,470 --> 00:44:09,342
Yeah, I... I feel dizzy.
1175
00:44:10,169 --> 00:44:11,953
Yeah, me, too.
1176
00:44:11,953 --> 00:44:14,086
Oh, that's the
Jackie Onassis boardroom.
1177
00:44:14,086 --> 00:44:16,131
She was never there,
but we wish she would
have been.
1178
00:44:17,872 --> 00:44:20,353
This painting
in the lobby
here looks...
1179
00:44:20,353 --> 00:44:23,748
Yes, we... There's art.
Oh, we have... Yes.
1180
00:44:23,748 --> 00:44:25,271
This painting
in the board room.
1181
00:44:25,271 --> 00:44:27,534
Yeah, there's
a painting.
I recognize that sunset.
1182
00:44:27,534 --> 00:44:29,710
Wait a minute.
Did you buy
Ellie's paintings?
1183
00:44:29,710 --> 00:44:32,147
- Does she know?
- We bought a few
1184
00:44:32,147 --> 00:44:33,975
through this designer
that we know,
1185
00:44:33,975 --> 00:44:35,542
it's no big deal.
1186
00:44:35,542 --> 00:44:38,763
We're supporting
our baby's dream.
1187
00:44:38,763 --> 00:44:41,026
Let's close this.
1188
00:44:41,026 --> 00:44:42,331
A little champagne.
1189
00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:44,072
Oh, good.
I'll have some.
I'll have some.
1190
00:44:44,072 --> 00:44:45,465
Excuse me, Daddy.
1191
00:44:47,554 --> 00:44:49,556
So, what are
you thinking?
1192
00:44:49,556 --> 00:44:51,558
Yeah, well, Bill,
that's a very
generous offer,
1193
00:44:51,558 --> 00:44:54,213
but Sebastian
obviously has to
think about that.
1194
00:44:54,213 --> 00:44:55,388
Right?
1195
00:44:55,388 --> 00:44:56,998
Yeah.
Absolutely, Dad. Yeah.
1196
00:44:56,998 --> 00:44:59,305
Of course.
This would be
1197
00:44:59,305 --> 00:45:00,741
a big move
for everyone,
1198
00:45:00,741 --> 00:45:03,396
so please,
take your time.
1199
00:45:03,396 --> 00:45:04,876
- Talk it over.
- Right.
1200
00:45:04,876 --> 00:45:06,529
And then tell us
what day to send
the moving trucks.
1201
00:45:08,227 --> 00:45:10,185
Dad.
1202
00:45:10,185 --> 00:45:13,101
Oh, this is
so cool!
So cool!
1203
00:45:13,101 --> 00:45:14,668
Hey, as
a possible member
1204
00:45:14,668 --> 00:45:17,932
of our, um,
family company,
1205
00:45:17,932 --> 00:45:19,934
how about we celebrate with
a little jet-booting, huh?
1206
00:45:19,934 --> 00:45:21,719
Oh, that sounds
great, man.
Count me in.
1207
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,155
What's jet-booting?
1208
00:45:24,591 --> 00:45:27,202
Whoo! Whoa!
1209
00:45:27,202 --> 00:45:29,335
This is amazing, Lucky!
1210
00:45:29,335 --> 00:45:30,858
All right! Look at you.
1211
00:45:30,858 --> 00:45:33,078
Baby, you're doing so good!
1212
00:45:33,078 --> 00:45:35,558
I feel like I'm flying! Whoa!
1213
00:45:35,558 --> 00:45:37,604
- Use your core!
- I'm actually smiling.
1214
00:45:37,604 --> 00:45:39,824
This smile is real.
1215
00:45:41,042 --> 00:45:42,391
Salvo, would
you like
1216
00:45:42,391 --> 00:45:44,176
to borrow some
swim trunks?
1217
00:45:44,176 --> 00:45:45,960
We have
a hot tub upstairs.
1218
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,570
I'm fine.
I'm trying
to watch him.
1219
00:45:47,570 --> 00:45:49,050
- Oh.
- Make sure
he's okay.
1220
00:45:50,269 --> 00:45:52,053
Hey...
1221
00:45:52,053 --> 00:45:53,838
I just wanted
to thank you
1222
00:45:53,838 --> 00:45:57,015
for looking
after Ellie
in Chicago.
1223
00:45:57,015 --> 00:45:59,626
We feel so lucky
she's met your son.
1224
00:45:59,626 --> 00:46:01,410
Well, he's a good kid. Thanks.
1225
00:46:01,410 --> 00:46:02,890
I'm king
of the world!
1226
00:46:02,890 --> 00:46:04,370
Always out making
an ass of himself.
1227
00:46:07,416 --> 00:46:09,114
I know
you guys are close,
1228
00:46:09,114 --> 00:46:12,552
so if they do
end up in D.C.,
1229
00:46:12,552 --> 00:46:15,598
I promise we will
take good care of him.
1230
00:46:15,598 --> 00:46:17,078
Honestly, I wouldn't
get your hopes up.
1231
00:46:17,078 --> 00:46:19,951
I can't imagine Sebastian
ever leaving Chicago or me.
1232
00:46:19,951 --> 00:46:21,387
'Cause I'm
the only family
he's got.
1233
00:46:22,997 --> 00:46:25,173
I used to say
the same thing
about Ellie.
1234
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:31,005
Hey, Dad!
Check it out!
I can dive!
1235
00:46:34,269 --> 00:46:37,011
Look at that.
He's very athletic.
He's quite good.
1236
00:46:37,011 --> 00:46:38,534
Dad!
1237
00:46:38,534 --> 00:46:39,666
Yeah, he gets it
from my side.
1238
00:46:39,666 --> 00:46:40,885
Whoa!
1239
00:46:42,190 --> 00:46:43,713
Whoo-hoo!
1240
00:46:43,713 --> 00:46:44,845
Look at this!
1241
00:46:46,847 --> 00:46:48,196
- Oh, my gosh!
- Oh, shit!
1242
00:46:49,589 --> 00:46:51,112
Sebastian,
- your suit!
- It's Versace.
1243
00:46:51,112 --> 00:46:52,287
Do you like it?
1244
00:46:52,287 --> 00:46:54,420
No, you moron!
It's not up!
1245
00:46:54,420 --> 00:46:56,726
- Look down!
Oh, God!
1246
00:46:56,726 --> 00:46:59,033
Hey, Bubba Gump! Nice shrimp!
1247
00:46:59,033 --> 00:47:00,861
I can't get it. Whoa!
1248
00:47:01,340 --> 00:47:02,602
Oh!
1249
00:47:02,602 --> 00:47:03,690
Whoa! You good, man?
1250
00:47:05,431 --> 00:47:06,780
What's the matter
with you?
1251
00:47:06,780 --> 00:47:08,260
Pull up your pants!
1252
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:09,914
I can't reach it.
1253
00:47:09,914 --> 00:47:12,655
Hey, what the hell
do I do?
1254
00:47:12,655 --> 00:47:14,919
Son, your sail
is at half-mast.
1255
00:47:14,919 --> 00:47:17,399
Oh, no, no, uh,
it looks like
it's full mast.
1256
00:47:17,399 --> 00:47:18,574
Oh, no!
1257
00:47:21,926 --> 00:47:23,275
Sebastian!
1258
00:47:23,275 --> 00:47:24,885
No, no.
Okay, don't... TIGGER: No!
1259
00:47:24,885 --> 00:47:26,060
- Stay down!
- No, no. No.
1260
00:47:26,060 --> 00:47:27,801
Stay down.
Stay down.
No!
1261
00:47:27,801 --> 00:47:29,020
- Okay. Okay.
- God!
1262
00:47:29,020 --> 00:47:30,760
All right,
that is not appropriate.
1263
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,154
I'm going to be sick.
No, it's...
1264
00:47:33,154 --> 00:47:35,287
Honey, my mom
can't unsee that.
1265
00:47:37,289 --> 00:47:39,378
Hey, Sea Bass!
Say hi to TikTok.
1266
00:47:45,819 --> 00:47:47,038
Dad, what
the hell you doing?
1267
00:47:47,038 --> 00:47:48,430
Packing.
1268
00:47:48,430 --> 00:47:50,476
I'm going back
to Chicago
tomorrow morning.
1269
00:47:50,476 --> 00:47:52,173
What, are you crazy?
We're not leaving.
1270
00:47:52,173 --> 00:47:53,740
You didn't even
give me the ring yet.
1271
00:47:53,740 --> 00:47:55,873
Trust me.
What I saw today,
1272
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,657
you don't come back from.
1273
00:47:57,657 --> 00:47:59,311
Oh, stop being
so dramatic.
1274
00:47:59,311 --> 00:48:00,747
It was from far away.
1275
00:48:00,747 --> 00:48:01,966
Nobody saw much.
1276
00:48:01,966 --> 00:48:03,402
Yeah, that's for sure.
1277
00:48:03,402 --> 00:48:05,230
Look, I know
I haven't seen
you naked
1278
00:48:05,230 --> 00:48:07,101
since the delivery room,
but is it possible
1279
00:48:07,101 --> 00:48:09,364
your pisellino hasn't
even grown since then?
1280
00:48:09,364 --> 00:48:11,062
Would you put
the suitcase away?
1281
00:48:11,062 --> 00:48:12,672
No, I'm gonna
bring you home,
1282
00:48:12,672 --> 00:48:14,152
set you up
with some
Italian girls,
1283
00:48:14,152 --> 00:48:15,544
help you
start over fresh.
1284
00:48:15,544 --> 00:48:17,633
And I even got
a nice new
hairstyle for you.
1285
00:48:17,633 --> 00:48:19,592
Dad, I'm in love with Ellie.
That wouldn't change
1286
00:48:19,592 --> 00:48:22,029
if I accidentally showed
my balls to the entire world.
1287
00:48:22,029 --> 00:48:23,770
Oh, is that what
you got planned
for tomorrow?
1288
00:48:23,770 --> 00:48:25,598
Son, you gotta
stop pretending
1289
00:48:25,598 --> 00:48:27,861
that you fit in
with these people,
because you don't.
1290
00:48:27,861 --> 00:48:29,471
I'm not pretending.
1291
00:48:29,471 --> 00:48:31,256
Are you serious?
I mean, every time
you're with this family,
1292
00:48:31,256 --> 00:48:32,431
you make a fool of yourself.
1293
00:48:32,431 --> 00:48:33,911
Because you raised me
1294
00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:36,087
to be afraid
of trying anything new.
1295
00:48:36,087 --> 00:48:38,045
I mean, God.
Dad, listen,
1296
00:48:38,045 --> 00:48:40,787
I honestly...
I was nervous
to bring you here.
1297
00:48:40,787 --> 00:48:42,310
'Cause I knew
you would just
sit here,
1298
00:48:42,310 --> 00:48:44,182
and judge
with your black shirt,
1299
00:48:44,182 --> 00:48:45,313
your zipper purse,
1300
00:48:45,313 --> 00:48:46,749
your resting bitch face.
1301
00:48:46,749 --> 00:48:48,577
Hey, I don't have
resting bitch face.
1302
00:48:48,577 --> 00:48:50,579
We look like
Italian gargoyles.
1303
00:48:50,579 --> 00:48:51,841
You look
like you're
gonna murder
1304
00:48:51,841 --> 00:48:53,974
the entire neighborhood.
1305
00:48:53,974 --> 00:48:55,715
You know what
your problem is?
1306
00:48:55,715 --> 00:48:58,326
You're so negative,
you can't let yourself
enjoy anything,
1307
00:48:58,326 --> 00:48:59,849
so you think I can't either.
1308
00:49:00,894 --> 00:49:04,202
Dad, Ellie is my future.
1309
00:49:04,202 --> 00:49:07,640
And I'm gonna keep
an open mind
about everything.
1310
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:09,903
Whoa, whoa. What do
you mean, everything?
1311
00:49:09,903 --> 00:49:12,123
- Even the job offer?
- Maybe.
1312
00:49:12,123 --> 00:49:13,167
It's a pretty good one.
1313
00:49:15,604 --> 00:49:16,692
Unbelievable.
1314
00:49:17,389 --> 00:49:18,390
Unbelievable.
1315
00:49:20,218 --> 00:49:21,349
Unbelievable.
1316
00:49:25,658 --> 00:49:27,616
First, your mother is
taken away from me.
1317
00:49:27,616 --> 00:49:29,444
Now you wanna leave.
1318
00:49:29,444 --> 00:49:31,925
I'm not leaving you, Dad.
1319
00:49:31,925 --> 00:49:34,667
Ellie's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
1320
00:49:34,667 --> 00:49:36,669
And when
I get married, not if,
1321
00:49:36,669 --> 00:49:40,499
her family is going to be
a big part of the package.
1322
00:49:40,499 --> 00:49:43,371
Now, I want you
to be a part of my life.
1323
00:49:43,371 --> 00:49:45,678
But if that's gonna happen,
you gotta give me some effort.
1324
00:49:45,678 --> 00:49:49,203
I wanna see
the Salvo at the salon
1325
00:49:49,203 --> 00:49:51,379
that everybody loves.
1326
00:49:51,379 --> 00:49:52,772
And if I don't,
I got no choice
1327
00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:54,208
but to leave you behind.
1328
00:49:59,605 --> 00:50:02,434
I don't know.
How can you say that?
How can you say that?
1329
00:50:02,434 --> 00:50:05,741
How could you say that
to your father?
1330
00:50:07,526 --> 00:50:10,137
You got no respect
for your family.
1331
00:50:10,137 --> 00:50:12,748
I got enough respect to know
we could go to bed angry
1332
00:50:14,228 --> 00:50:16,752
but not stinky.
Come on.
1333
00:50:18,711 --> 00:50:20,495
Now, come on,
let's do our
night spritz.
1334
00:50:27,807 --> 00:50:30,679
I miss you, and I wish
you were here for
so many reasons.
1335
00:50:30,679 --> 00:50:32,855
So many reasons, just...
1336
00:50:32,855 --> 00:50:35,554
For one, just tell me,
am I being an asshole?
1337
00:50:35,554 --> 00:50:38,905
Are we really doing
the right thing
for our son?
1338
00:50:38,905 --> 00:50:41,647
Just give me
some kind of sign, something.
1339
00:50:42,082 --> 00:50:43,431
Please?
1340
00:50:43,431 --> 00:50:44,998
Just let me know
what you think.
1341
00:50:45,825 --> 00:50:47,609
I... I...
1342
00:50:47,609 --> 00:50:49,350
Give me some sign, honey.
1343
00:51:08,195 --> 00:51:09,849
I love you.
1344
00:51:09,849 --> 00:51:11,242
Hi, Doug.
1345
00:51:12,591 --> 00:51:14,419
- Hello.
- What are you doing?
1346
00:51:14,419 --> 00:51:16,769
I was just serenading
the peacocks.
1347
00:51:17,509 --> 00:51:18,597
Oh.
1348
00:51:21,556 --> 00:51:23,428
Would you be
open enough
1349
00:51:23,428 --> 00:51:26,257
to doing
a healing session
with me?
1350
00:51:26,257 --> 00:51:27,345
A healing session?
1351
00:51:27,345 --> 00:51:29,216
It'll be
very beneficial for you.
1352
00:51:31,218 --> 00:51:32,350
Well, that's a nice offer,
1353
00:51:32,350 --> 00:51:33,742
but I don't know
if I even know
1354
00:51:33,742 --> 00:51:35,004
what you're talking about.
1355
00:51:35,004 --> 00:51:38,225
Well, just start
by shutting your eyes,
1356
00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:40,793
and then, really,
just focus
1357
00:51:40,793 --> 00:51:42,447
on your breathing.
1358
00:51:42,447 --> 00:51:43,578
In your nose.
1359
00:51:44,362 --> 00:51:45,450
Out your nose.
1360
00:51:46,364 --> 00:51:48,888
And if you can,
1361
00:51:48,888 --> 00:51:52,674
really try to connect
to that little Salvo,
1362
00:51:52,674 --> 00:51:54,981
that was afraid
when you were young.
1363
00:51:56,243 --> 00:51:58,245
I don't even know
where he is anymore.
1364
00:51:58,245 --> 00:52:00,160
That's so long ago.
1365
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,423
You know, I'm in another...
I'm in another life.
1366
00:52:04,512 --> 00:52:07,254
Let me help you
find him, okay?
1367
00:52:07,254 --> 00:52:08,777
Just stay with your breath.
1368
00:52:16,524 --> 00:52:18,831
- Heal, little Salvo.
- Okay, I feel better.
1369
00:52:20,398 --> 00:52:21,747
- You do?
- Mmm-hmm.
1370
00:52:21,747 --> 00:52:23,096
- Yeah. Thanks.
- Okay.
1371
00:52:23,096 --> 00:52:24,880
I'm gonna
go to sleep. Okay.
1372
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:26,012
- Thank you.
- Good night.
1373
00:52:26,012 --> 00:52:27,666
Good night.
Good night, Doug.
1374
00:52:27,666 --> 00:52:29,146
I'm glad
I could help.
Thank you. Yeah.
1375
00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:31,452
Thank you.
Big help.
1376
00:52:33,324 --> 00:52:35,543
Yesterday was
a day of regrettable firsts.
1377
00:52:36,414 --> 00:52:37,806
I yelled at my father
1378
00:52:37,806 --> 00:52:40,983
and I showed my balls
to my future in-laws.
1379
00:52:40,983 --> 00:52:42,071
But who knows?
1380
00:52:42,071 --> 00:52:44,030
Maybe everybody forgot?
1381
00:52:44,030 --> 00:52:46,859
Well, there's
the big swimmer.
1382
00:52:46,859 --> 00:52:48,382
Hey, did you
see the full moon
last night?
1383
00:52:48,382 --> 00:52:50,167
Okay. Just... I'm talking about
your butt.
1384
00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:51,951
All right.
Ignore him.
1385
00:52:51,951 --> 00:52:53,692
His butt cheeks
- are the full moon.
- Yes, I understand.
1386
00:52:53,692 --> 00:52:56,216
Um, how you
doing, kiddo?
1387
00:52:56,216 --> 00:52:58,175
- I'm all right.
Good.
1388
00:52:58,175 --> 00:52:59,915
- Have you seen my dad?
Yes.
1389
00:52:59,915 --> 00:53:01,482
He is out
taking a walk
1390
00:53:01,482 --> 00:53:02,875
with Ellie, Doug
and Tigger.
1391
00:53:02,875 --> 00:53:04,268
- A walk?
Yes, he was...
1392
00:53:04,268 --> 00:53:05,617
he was...
Well, here.
1393
00:53:05,617 --> 00:53:06,879
- Speak of the devil.
So I says to him...
1394
00:53:06,879 --> 00:53:08,924
I says, "Why would I
buy you a skateboard
1395
00:53:08,924 --> 00:53:09,969
"when I can build you one?"
1396
00:53:09,969 --> 00:53:13,190
Holy Mother of God.
1397
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:14,408
Sleepy head,
I was just
telling 'em
1398
00:53:14,408 --> 00:53:15,627
about the time
I gave you
a skateboard
1399
00:53:15,627 --> 00:53:16,715
for Christmas.
You remember that?
1400
00:53:16,715 --> 00:53:18,195
Ah, I remember
that. Yeah.
1401
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:19,674
What time
did you get up
anyway?
1402
00:53:19,674 --> 00:53:21,198
I got up early.
I didn't want
to wake you,
1403
00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:22,286
so I snuck out,
1404
00:53:22,286 --> 00:53:24,331
did my laundry,
watched TV,
1405
00:53:24,331 --> 00:53:26,028
fixed one
of their bannisters,
1406
00:53:26,028 --> 00:53:27,465
reorganized
the spice rack.
1407
00:53:27,465 --> 00:53:28,553
Then when
the sun came up,
1408
00:53:28,553 --> 00:53:30,294
I started making breakfast.
1409
00:53:30,294 --> 00:53:32,121
Then I went
for a walk to get
to know the family.
1410
00:53:32,121 --> 00:53:33,471
Good people,
these Collins.
1411
00:53:33,471 --> 00:53:35,864
Good people.
Even the commie.
1412
00:53:35,864 --> 00:53:37,170
Oh, I'm
a socialist.
1413
00:53:37,170 --> 00:53:38,650
Well, whatever
you say,
Che Guevara.
1414
00:53:38,650 --> 00:53:40,739
Oh, that's funny.
1415
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:44,830
Get over here.
1416
00:53:44,830 --> 00:53:46,701
- What the hell's going on?
- What do you mean,
what's going on?
1417
00:53:46,701 --> 00:53:48,137
I'm doing what
you asked me to do.
1418
00:53:48,137 --> 00:53:49,835
Making an effort,
like you asked.
1419
00:53:49,835 --> 00:53:52,229
Okay. No, I appreciate it.
But Jesus, the shorts.
1420
00:53:52,229 --> 00:53:53,360
Yeah. So what?
1421
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:54,666
I've never seen
your legs before.
1422
00:53:54,666 --> 00:53:56,015
Yeah, you haven't.
1423
00:53:56,015 --> 00:53:57,321
That's right.
They're not
too bad.
1424
00:53:57,321 --> 00:53:58,844
They look like
pretzel sticks
in socks.
1425
00:53:58,844 --> 00:54:00,149
Don't blame me.
This is what
1426
00:54:00,149 --> 00:54:01,368
these people
gave me,
you know?
1427
00:54:01,368 --> 00:54:04,458
What can I tell you?
I want to join the fun.
1428
00:54:04,458 --> 00:54:06,373
And I feel great,
and I can't wait
1429
00:54:06,373 --> 00:54:07,809
to see what the
universe suggests
1430
00:54:07,809 --> 00:54:09,681
after I opened
my eyes.
1431
00:54:09,681 --> 00:54:11,813
We did
a healing session together.
1432
00:54:11,813 --> 00:54:14,381
Yeah. Little Salvo's
not afraid anymore.
1433
00:54:14,381 --> 00:54:16,427
- Little Salvo?
- Yeah.
1434
00:54:16,427 --> 00:54:17,950
I hope
everyone's ready
1435
00:54:17,950 --> 00:54:19,691
for Family Fun Day.
1436
00:54:19,691 --> 00:54:20,953
I am. I am.
1437
00:54:20,953 --> 00:54:22,171
Oh,
what's Family Fun Day?
1438
00:54:22,171 --> 00:54:23,477
What?
What, are you dense?
1439
00:54:23,477 --> 00:54:25,174
Everything you
need to know
is in the name.
1440
00:54:25,174 --> 00:54:26,567
- Duh!
- Duh!
1441
00:54:26,567 --> 00:54:28,047
Okay.
Salud!
1442
00:54:28,047 --> 00:54:29,309
What the hell
is this?
1443
00:54:29,309 --> 00:54:30,441
It's a big
4th of July tradition.
1444
00:54:30,441 --> 00:54:32,878
There's relay races,
and croquet,
1445
00:54:32,878 --> 00:54:34,140
and face painting,
1446
00:54:34,140 --> 00:54:35,533
and a hot dog
eating contest.
1447
00:54:35,533 --> 00:54:36,882
It's just a lot of fun.
1448
00:54:43,062 --> 00:54:44,281
I know
I'd asked the man
1449
00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:45,586
to start making an effort,
1450
00:54:45,586 --> 00:54:47,153
but this was crazy.
1451
00:54:47,153 --> 00:54:49,590
I felt like
I created a monster.
1452
00:54:49,590 --> 00:54:51,723
Except instead
of looking scary,
1453
00:54:51,723 --> 00:54:55,117
he was smiling, playing games,
1454
00:54:55,117 --> 00:54:57,424
dressing like
the American flag.
1455
00:54:57,424 --> 00:54:58,643
All right!
1456
00:54:58,643 --> 00:55:00,906
The Maniscalcos.
1457
00:55:00,906 --> 00:55:02,995
What's your
angle here?
No angle. I'm happy.
1458
00:55:02,995 --> 00:55:04,344
I'm with my family.
1459
00:55:04,344 --> 00:55:05,432
Say, "Fireworks."
1460
00:55:05,432 --> 00:55:07,304
- Fireworks.
- Chee... Say firework.
1461
00:55:11,438 --> 00:55:12,831
It's like bocce with sticks.
1462
00:55:15,703 --> 00:55:17,226
All right.
You wanna
take a look?
1463
00:55:18,619 --> 00:55:20,229
- Nice.
- Right?
1464
00:55:20,229 --> 00:55:22,362
And the winner
of this year's
1465
00:55:22,362 --> 00:55:25,757
4th of July
hot dog eating
contest is
1466
00:55:25,757 --> 00:55:28,020
Salvo Manisculo!
1467
00:55:35,810 --> 00:55:37,421
My father was
having a great time,
1468
00:55:37,421 --> 00:55:40,337
and suddenly, I was the one
who was uncomfortable.
1469
00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:42,382
I wanted him
to make an effort,
1470
00:55:42,382 --> 00:55:44,515
not change
who he was completely.
1471
00:55:48,432 --> 00:55:49,607
There he is.
1472
00:55:49,607 --> 00:55:51,478
The MVP.
1473
00:55:51,478 --> 00:55:53,175
What are you doing?
Checking out
your hardware?
1474
00:55:53,175 --> 00:55:55,308
I just figured out
how these people
stay so rich.
1475
00:55:55,308 --> 00:55:56,962
They do everything
on the cheap.
1476
00:55:56,962 --> 00:55:58,529
Hear that? Plastic.
1477
00:56:00,052 --> 00:56:01,227
Huh.
1478
00:56:01,227 --> 00:56:03,055
Just enjoy it,
will you, please?
1479
00:56:03,055 --> 00:56:05,013
I mean, you kicked
some ass out there today,
1480
00:56:05,013 --> 00:56:06,798
and I think these people
are starting to like you.
1481
00:56:06,798 --> 00:56:08,713
Yeah. Yeah. Come on.
They're just being polite.
1482
00:56:08,713 --> 00:56:09,931
I'm serious.
1483
00:56:09,931 --> 00:56:12,978
Bill even has
a signature scent now.
1484
00:56:12,978 --> 00:56:15,284
Oh, yeah?
What brand?
He won't divulge.
1485
00:56:15,284 --> 00:56:16,851
- He won't divulge?
- Yeah.
1486
00:56:16,851 --> 00:56:18,897
- Salvo.
I wanna smell that.
1487
00:56:18,897 --> 00:56:20,551
Oh, my God.
I've been looking
all over for you.
1488
00:56:20,551 --> 00:56:22,553
Um, so,
my mom just
got invited
1489
00:56:22,553 --> 00:56:24,555
to be on MSNBC
in two hours.
1490
00:56:24,555 --> 00:56:25,686
- That's great.
- Yes.
1491
00:56:25,686 --> 00:56:27,514
Well, it would
be, but Tyler,
1492
00:56:27,514 --> 00:56:29,168
well, he's
in Sedona,
1493
00:56:29,168 --> 00:56:31,692
and I have
no one to do
my hair.
1494
00:56:31,692 --> 00:56:32,954
So we were thinking
1495
00:56:32,954 --> 00:56:34,391
maybe you could
help her out.
1496
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:35,870
I mean, that's like
asking Van Gogh
1497
00:56:35,870 --> 00:56:37,132
to draw a smiley face.
1498
00:56:37,132 --> 00:56:39,526
Yes!
Great!
1499
00:56:39,526 --> 00:56:40,745
Mmm.
1500
00:56:43,138 --> 00:56:44,662
I'd be lying to you
if I told you
1501
00:56:44,662 --> 00:56:47,534
I didn't have my eyes
on your lustrous mane
all weekend.
1502
00:56:47,534 --> 00:56:50,232
It's nice to finally get
my hands up in here.
1503
00:56:50,232 --> 00:56:52,452
Hmm. I am
very grateful.
1504
00:56:53,018 --> 00:56:54,149
Ah.
1505
00:56:55,716 --> 00:56:58,066
Are those cigars?
1506
00:56:58,719 --> 00:56:59,720
Yeah.
1507
00:57:01,461 --> 00:57:02,549
Can I have one?
1508
00:57:03,115 --> 00:57:04,464
Oh, boy.
1509
00:57:04,464 --> 00:57:06,292
This day just
keeps getting
better and better.
1510
00:57:06,292 --> 00:57:07,859
Of course,
you can have one.
1511
00:57:07,859 --> 00:57:08,990
Be my guest.
1512
00:57:11,906 --> 00:57:12,951
Oh!
1513
00:57:14,039 --> 00:57:15,649
Only the best.
Can I have one?
1514
00:57:15,649 --> 00:57:16,998
Oh, please
join me.
1515
00:57:17,608 --> 00:57:18,609
Okay.
1516
00:57:22,090 --> 00:57:23,440
Fine.
1517
00:57:30,882 --> 00:57:31,970
Mmm.
1518
00:57:35,103 --> 00:57:36,191
You know,
I never met
a woman
1519
00:57:36,191 --> 00:57:39,456
who smokes
cigars before.
Yeah?
1520
00:57:39,456 --> 00:57:42,023
I got hooked
in the Navy.
Wait a minute.
1521
00:57:42,023 --> 00:57:44,461
- You're military?
- Mmm-hmm.
1522
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:46,898
I thought you went to one
of those Ivy places.
1523
00:57:46,898 --> 00:57:48,639
I enlisted
after graduation.
1524
00:57:50,336 --> 00:57:52,904
I just felt
a duty to
my country.
1525
00:57:52,904 --> 00:57:55,123
But mostly, I did it
to piss off my parents.
1526
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:57,517
You?
1527
00:57:58,170 --> 00:57:59,388
Army.
1528
00:57:59,388 --> 00:58:00,607
Combat?
1529
00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:02,130
- Cook.
- Ah!
1530
00:58:02,914 --> 00:58:04,306
Well, happy 4th to you.
1531
00:58:04,306 --> 00:58:07,092
You, too. Salud.
1532
00:58:07,092 --> 00:58:08,876
It's nice to have
another actual vet
1533
00:58:08,876 --> 00:58:10,748
out here to celebrate.
1534
00:58:13,794 --> 00:58:14,969
Oh!
1535
00:58:29,462 --> 00:58:31,029
Hey.
1536
00:58:31,029 --> 00:58:32,596
- How's it going?
- I can't hear anything.
1537
00:58:32,596 --> 00:58:34,511
So they're either
getting along,
1538
00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:37,601
or they're
quietly stabbing
each other.
1539
00:58:37,601 --> 00:58:39,472
Listen, I have
great news.
1540
00:58:39,472 --> 00:58:41,474
- What's up?
- Okay. So,
that decorator
1541
00:58:41,474 --> 00:58:43,824
that bought all my work,
they've already
placed all the pieces.
1542
00:58:43,824 --> 00:58:45,522
They can't say where
for privacy reasons,
1543
00:58:45,522 --> 00:58:47,698
but it probably means
that they're gonna
want a lot more.
1544
00:58:47,698 --> 00:58:49,743
- That's great!
- Isn't it?
1545
00:58:49,743 --> 00:58:51,919
Wait. Why is
your voice going up?
1546
00:58:51,919 --> 00:58:52,964
Why does your face
look like that?
1547
00:58:52,964 --> 00:58:54,835
What's going on?
1548
00:58:54,835 --> 00:58:55,923
Listen, babe,
1549
00:58:55,923 --> 00:58:58,317
I...
1550
00:58:58,317 --> 00:58:59,710
Voila.
1551
00:59:01,494 --> 00:59:04,192
Oh, what...
What is this? What...
1552
00:59:05,454 --> 00:59:08,327
This isn't at all
what I asked
you to do.
1553
00:59:08,327 --> 00:59:11,635
Well, yeah.
You see, I don't
really do requests.
1554
00:59:11,635 --> 00:59:13,419
The way I work is,
I look at your face,
1555
00:59:13,419 --> 00:59:16,074
I get a sense
of your aura,
who you are,
1556
00:59:16,074 --> 00:59:17,858
then I let that
dictate the style
1557
00:59:17,858 --> 00:59:19,817
that your personality demands.
1558
00:59:19,817 --> 00:59:22,036
I am about
to go on television,
1559
00:59:22,036 --> 00:59:24,952
and I just...
I just wanted to
look like myself.
1560
00:59:24,952 --> 00:59:26,606
Oh!
1561
00:59:26,606 --> 00:59:28,826
Bill,
do I look horrible?
1562
00:59:29,653 --> 00:59:31,437
- No, no, no.
No?
1563
00:59:31,437 --> 00:59:32,960
It is not
horrible. It's...
1564
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,963
- Ellie?
- Um, I just
feel like...
1565
00:59:35,963 --> 00:59:38,096
- I don't know what it is.
- Dad, couldn't
you just ditch
1566
00:59:38,096 --> 00:59:40,098
the aura crap,
and give her
what she wanted?
1567
00:59:40,098 --> 00:59:41,969
Whoa! That's like
asking Caravaggio
to go back in,
1568
00:59:41,969 --> 00:59:43,754
and retouch up
the beheading
of Holofernes.
1569
00:59:43,754 --> 00:59:44,972
- The what a... Who?
- I don't do that.
1570
00:59:44,972 --> 00:59:46,495
Can we, as a family,
please force Doug
1571
00:59:46,495 --> 00:59:48,149
to stop wearing
that organic de...
1572
00:59:48,149 --> 00:59:50,108
Holy shit, Mom!
1573
00:59:50,108 --> 00:59:51,675
Oh.
1574
00:59:51,675 --> 00:59:53,198
Why do you have
the exact same
haircut as Salvo?
1575
00:59:53,198 --> 00:59:55,287
- That's it.
- Oh, my God.
1576
00:59:55,287 --> 00:59:56,418
- I don't think so.
You
guys look like
1577
00:59:56,418 --> 00:59:57,898
those weird
boy-girl twins
1578
00:59:57,898 --> 00:59:59,030
that, like,
just dress
the same.
1579
00:59:59,030 --> 01:00:00,814
Salvo, how could
you do this to me?
1580
01:00:00,814 --> 01:00:03,121
Wait, wait, wait.
First of all,
I didn't realize
1581
01:00:03,121 --> 01:00:04,513
I was doing anything.
1582
01:00:04,513 --> 01:00:06,951
I mean, to me,
you look powerful, gorgeous.
1583
01:00:06,951 --> 01:00:10,215
You look,
dare I even
say it, sexy.
1584
01:00:10,215 --> 01:00:11,303
Well, I am
supposed to go
1585
01:00:11,303 --> 01:00:12,870
on TV
in 10 minutes,
1586
01:00:12,870 --> 01:00:16,047
and you have made me look
like a bitter old Italian man!
1587
01:00:16,961 --> 01:00:18,876
Everybody,
please, get out.
1588
01:00:18,876 --> 01:00:20,965
Go, go, go,
go, go. Sweetheart.
1589
01:00:20,965 --> 01:00:23,228
Mommy,
maybe you...
Get out!
1590
01:00:23,228 --> 01:00:25,099
With all due
respect, Chris,
1591
01:00:25,099 --> 01:00:28,407
the existing policy
has been working
for two decades.
1592
01:00:28,407 --> 01:00:30,452
Why change now?
1593
01:00:30,452 --> 01:00:32,019
Ah, she's kicking ass.
1594
01:00:32,019 --> 01:00:33,630
She's pretty much
talking about you.
1595
01:00:33,630 --> 01:00:35,196
Oh, stop being so dramatic.
1596
01:00:35,196 --> 01:00:37,546
You don't
just make
major decisions
1597
01:00:37,546 --> 01:00:39,723
based on instincts.
1598
01:00:39,723 --> 01:00:41,072
You've gotta listen
1599
01:00:41,072 --> 01:00:42,421
to the people
you're servicing,
1600
01:00:42,421 --> 01:00:45,206
or someone's
gonna end
up dead.
1601
01:00:45,206 --> 01:00:46,860
All right.
Yeah. Well, okay.
1602
01:00:46,860 --> 01:00:48,079
Maybe you got a point.
Uh,
Senator MacArthur,
1603
01:00:48,079 --> 01:00:49,863
I'm actually...
I'm very sorry...
1604
01:00:49,863 --> 01:00:52,126
Sorry to cut
you short.
"Cut me short"?
1605
01:00:52,126 --> 01:00:54,085
Did you say
"cut me short"?
1606
01:00:54,085 --> 01:00:57,175
Is that some kind
of sick joke,
Chris, huh?
1607
01:00:58,263 --> 01:00:59,873
Uh, as you can see,
1608
01:00:59,873 --> 01:01:01,527
uh, very
strong feelings,
1609
01:01:01,527 --> 01:01:03,616
uh, coming out of this story.
1610
01:01:03,616 --> 01:01:05,966
We're gonna continue to follow
its developments for you.
1611
01:01:05,966 --> 01:01:08,229
Listen, when this is all over,
you better apologize.
1612
01:01:08,229 --> 01:01:09,666
Apologize?
For what?
1613
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:11,102
For what?
She wanted
a touch up.
1614
01:01:11,102 --> 01:01:12,364
You made her look
like David Bowie.
1615
01:01:12,364 --> 01:01:14,235
What? Are you
kidding me?
I gave her a 'do
1616
01:01:14,235 --> 01:01:15,715
that was very
age appropriate
1617
01:01:15,715 --> 01:01:18,326
and dignified.
She should
be thanking me.
1618
01:01:18,326 --> 01:01:19,806
I wouldn't hold
my breath, Salvo.
1619
01:01:19,806 --> 01:01:21,112
Oh, is she really pissed off?
1620
01:01:21,547 --> 01:01:22,853
When I left,
1621
01:01:22,853 --> 01:01:24,768
she was googling
homemade poisons.
1622
01:01:24,768 --> 01:01:26,378
I don't know
if it was for Salvo
or for herself.
1623
01:01:26,378 --> 01:01:28,032
- Oh.
- I don't get it.
1624
01:01:28,032 --> 01:01:30,469
Most women would be honored
to have their hair done
1625
01:01:30,469 --> 01:01:33,733
by East Chicago's three-time
Hair Stylist of the Year.
1626
01:01:33,733 --> 01:01:35,387
That was in the 80's.
1627
01:01:35,387 --> 01:01:37,258
The 80's. So what?
That's the golden age
of hair.
1628
01:01:41,045 --> 01:01:42,960
Hi, Mom.
1629
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:44,483
Would you go
talk to her?
Say something?
1630
01:01:44,483 --> 01:01:45,614
What am
I going to say?
1631
01:01:45,614 --> 01:01:47,138
Just say something,
all right?
1632
01:01:47,921 --> 01:01:49,270
Hey, uh, Tig.
1633
01:01:49,270 --> 01:01:51,142
Tig? Uh...
1634
01:01:51,142 --> 01:01:53,622
Tigger. Tigger,
I just want
1635
01:01:53,622 --> 01:01:55,233
to say
you looked
so good
1636
01:01:55,233 --> 01:01:56,625
up there
on the box.
1637
01:01:56,625 --> 01:01:58,802
Really, really.
Very, very dignified.
1638
01:01:58,802 --> 01:02:00,107
"On the box?"
1639
01:02:00,107 --> 01:02:03,545
Get on your feet,
and go over there.
1640
01:02:03,545 --> 01:02:05,025
- All right?
- All right.
1641
01:02:05,025 --> 01:02:06,592
Uh, Tig, uh...
1642
01:02:07,332 --> 01:02:08,986
I just wanna...
1643
01:02:10,074 --> 01:02:11,858
tell you I'm sorry
1644
01:02:11,858 --> 01:02:14,861
for giving you
a very high-quality hairdo
1645
01:02:14,861 --> 01:02:16,297
without your permission.
1646
01:02:17,429 --> 01:02:19,344
I heard the word "sorry."
1647
01:02:19,344 --> 01:02:21,302
But then you followed it up
1648
01:02:21,302 --> 01:02:23,870
with a compliment
to yourself.
1649
01:02:23,870 --> 01:02:25,785
Well, if I'm being
honest, I never
gave that style
1650
01:02:25,785 --> 01:02:27,874
to anybody else before.
1651
01:02:27,874 --> 01:02:29,354
So I really think
1652
01:02:29,354 --> 01:02:30,834
your aura commands
the respect
1653
01:02:30,834 --> 01:02:32,661
that I typically
only reserve for myself.
1654
01:02:32,661 --> 01:02:35,795
So I am sorry
that I, you know,
1655
01:02:35,795 --> 01:02:38,015
didn't do exactly
what you asked for.
1656
01:02:38,711 --> 01:02:39,756
Thanks.
1657
01:02:49,461 --> 01:02:50,679
You know?
Hey, you know what?
1658
01:02:50,679 --> 01:02:52,769
Let... Let me make
1659
01:02:52,769 --> 01:02:54,553
an offer. I would
love to make
1660
01:02:54,553 --> 01:02:57,904
a full Italian dinner
for everybody.
1661
01:02:57,904 --> 01:02:59,210
- That sounds so nice.
- How about that?
1662
01:02:59,210 --> 01:03:00,602
And also
as a thank you,
1663
01:03:00,602 --> 01:03:02,300
and with great appreciation,
1664
01:03:02,300 --> 01:03:04,868
for letting us stay
in this beautiful home.
1665
01:03:04,868 --> 01:03:06,434
That won't be necessary.
1666
01:03:06,434 --> 01:03:08,306
We don't keep
a lot of food here
1667
01:03:08,306 --> 01:03:10,787
and the markets are
closed for the holiday.
1668
01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:12,136
Don't worry.
1669
01:03:12,136 --> 01:03:14,007
A Maniscalco
always finds a way
1670
01:03:14,007 --> 01:03:15,443
to feed
his family, right?
1671
01:03:15,443 --> 01:03:17,010
Yep. You got it.
1672
01:03:17,010 --> 01:03:18,620
I think it's
a wonderful idea.
1673
01:03:18,620 --> 01:03:20,492
I mean, if you look
like an Italian man,
1674
01:03:20,492 --> 01:03:22,320
why not eat like one,
huh?
1675
01:03:22,320 --> 01:03:24,148
No, I mean,
if you...
I meant Italian...
1676
01:03:24,148 --> 01:03:25,802
Shut up, Bill.
1677
01:03:25,802 --> 01:03:28,413
I'll be sleeping
on the couch tonight.
1678
01:03:35,289 --> 01:03:36,421
Everybody likes to talk
1679
01:03:36,421 --> 01:03:38,902
about how bad
social media is.
1680
01:03:44,168 --> 01:03:45,343
But in this case,
1681
01:03:45,343 --> 01:03:47,998
it really worked out
for my dad.
1682
01:03:47,998 --> 01:03:50,609
Senator Tigger MacArthur
is going viral today,
1683
01:03:50,609 --> 01:03:53,264
and for the first time,
for all the right reasons.
1684
01:03:53,264 --> 01:03:55,440
This new haircut
is giving me like...
1685
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:57,224
G.I. Jane two months
out of boot camp.
1686
01:03:57,224 --> 01:03:58,835
It's giving me
gender fluidity.
1687
01:03:58,835 --> 01:04:00,706
It's giving me fresh,
hot, gorgeous.
1688
01:04:00,706 --> 01:04:01,968
Whoever did that haircut,
1689
01:04:03,317 --> 01:04:06,233
America thanks you. Ah!
1690
01:04:06,233 --> 01:04:08,975
Now that
Tigger's approval rating
was through the roof,
1691
01:04:08,975 --> 01:04:11,891
she was happy to let
my dad back under hers.
1692
01:04:11,891 --> 01:04:15,286
So good.
So, this is delicious.
1693
01:04:15,286 --> 01:04:16,940
I can't believe
1694
01:04:16,940 --> 01:04:18,202
that you put
this all together
1695
01:04:18,202 --> 01:04:19,943
from what we have
in the kitchen.
1696
01:04:19,943 --> 01:04:22,162
My guess is he raided
the kitchen over at The Shack.
1697
01:04:22,162 --> 01:04:24,077
So, you might wanna call
1698
01:04:24,077 --> 01:04:26,166
Gloria over there,
see if you got
some inventory.
1699
01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:28,299
Mmm, mmm.
1700
01:04:28,299 --> 01:04:29,822
What do you call
this again, Salvo?
1701
01:04:35,523 --> 01:04:36,829
It is delicious.
1702
01:04:36,829 --> 01:04:38,700
I'm going for seconds.
Don't tell my trainer.
1703
01:04:38,700 --> 01:04:41,486
It's really good.
I just wish you hadn't used
my bowls.
1704
01:04:41,486 --> 01:04:43,618
Well, you know,
I used your bowls, Doug,
1705
01:04:43,618 --> 01:04:46,186
because I wanted
to add a special
1706
01:04:46,186 --> 01:04:49,711
spiritual reverberation
to the meal.
1707
01:04:49,711 --> 01:04:52,018
So, that's why,
- you know?
- Okay.
1708
01:04:52,018 --> 01:04:53,846
- Yeah.
- So, thank you
1709
01:04:53,846 --> 01:04:55,369
for that
- contribution.
- Okay.
1710
01:04:55,369 --> 01:04:57,458
Salvo, it's delicious.
Delicious.
1711
01:04:57,458 --> 01:04:59,199
Listen, given everything
you're doing for my son,
1712
01:04:59,199 --> 01:05:00,809
this is the least
I can do. Oh.
1713
01:05:00,809 --> 01:05:03,638
And I just wanna
say something that
1714
01:05:04,422 --> 01:05:05,771
my father used to say.
1715
01:05:09,731 --> 01:05:10,994
The translation is,
1716
01:05:10,994 --> 01:05:12,996
"The family isn't
just one important thing,
1717
01:05:12,996 --> 01:05:14,780
"it's everything."
1718
01:05:14,780 --> 01:05:16,913
And I like
to toast to that.
Lovely.
1719
01:05:16,913 --> 01:05:18,827
Salud!
Salud!
1720
01:05:18,827 --> 01:05:20,917
To everything. Salud.
1721
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,527
- Cheers, everybody.
Well said.
1722
01:05:22,527 --> 01:05:23,832
Watch it, watch it.
1723
01:05:23,832 --> 01:05:25,312
Oh, collision!
1724
01:05:25,312 --> 01:05:27,010
Cut him off.
- Time for some
more vino, huh?
1725
01:05:27,010 --> 01:05:29,055
Oh, yes.
- When in Rome.
1726
01:05:29,055 --> 01:05:30,143
Because,
you know,
1727
01:05:30,143 --> 01:05:31,362
you guys
are Italian.
1728
01:05:33,799 --> 01:05:36,367
You got a problem
- with Italians, Bill?
- Yeah, Bill.
1729
01:05:41,546 --> 01:05:44,244
Who got you?
Come on, Bill!
1730
01:05:44,244 --> 01:05:45,985
I thought he was
serious.
1731
01:05:57,170 --> 01:05:58,955
What's this?
1732
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,260
You know, just...
1733
01:06:00,260 --> 01:06:01,870
...the sexiest way
I can think of
1734
01:06:01,870 --> 01:06:03,133
to say thank you.
1735
01:06:03,133 --> 01:06:04,351
Here? Are you
kidding me?
1736
01:06:04,351 --> 01:06:05,831
They're in
the next room.
1737
01:06:05,831 --> 01:06:07,876
You know
I'm a screamer.
I know.
1738
01:06:07,876 --> 01:06:09,052
Just come
over here.
1739
01:06:12,055 --> 01:06:14,405
Oh! Oh, yeah.
1740
01:06:20,063 --> 01:06:21,586
Hmm?
1741
01:06:23,892 --> 01:06:25,459
What, baby? What?
- Oh, we got
to go inside.
1742
01:06:25,459 --> 01:06:27,809
- I'm getting eaten alive.
- What? What are
you talking about?
1743
01:06:27,809 --> 01:06:28,985
- I saw a raccoon.
- Is that a safe word?
1744
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:29,942
There's raccoons everywhere.
Raccoon?
1745
01:06:29,942 --> 01:06:31,726
- Yeah.
- Where? What raccoon?
1746
01:06:31,726 --> 01:06:33,685
There's
- some wildlife.
- Honey, there's no raccoons.
1747
01:06:33,685 --> 01:06:35,208
Mmm.
1748
01:06:35,208 --> 01:06:37,776
Seeing
my future in-laws eat
1749
01:06:37,776 --> 01:06:41,519
their family pet is
is as close to an acid trip
1750
01:06:41,519 --> 01:06:43,260
as I ever wanna be.
1751
01:06:43,260 --> 01:06:44,826
Here comes the airplane.
1752
01:06:46,567 --> 01:06:48,482
Ah, no!
1753
01:06:48,482 --> 01:06:51,050
This Italian food's
going to my head.
1754
01:06:59,711 --> 01:07:03,758
This was proof
the man was diabolical.
1755
01:07:03,758 --> 01:07:05,717
I murdered Sergeant Feathers.
1756
01:07:12,419 --> 01:07:14,639
I can't believe
1757
01:07:14,639 --> 01:07:15,770
you fed 'em
a peacock.
1758
01:07:15,770 --> 01:07:17,424
How could
you do this?
Easy.
1759
01:07:17,424 --> 01:07:19,687
My recipe called for chicken.
All the stores were closed.
1760
01:07:19,687 --> 01:07:21,863
So what does a great chef do?
He improvises.
1761
01:07:21,863 --> 01:07:23,648
By murdering
their beloved mascot?
1762
01:07:23,648 --> 01:07:25,867
They still got
three left. Are
you kidding me?
1763
01:07:25,867 --> 01:07:27,391
Where we come from,
it's called,
1764
01:07:27,391 --> 01:07:28,740
"You gotta do what you gotta
do to feed the family."
1765
01:07:28,740 --> 01:07:30,524
It's called
the peasant mentality.
1766
01:07:30,524 --> 01:07:31,743
Look around, Dad.
1767
01:07:31,743 --> 01:07:32,787
These people
aren't peasants.
1768
01:07:32,787 --> 01:07:34,006
And you thought
I was crazy
1769
01:07:34,006 --> 01:07:35,312
for worrying
that you were gonna
1770
01:07:35,312 --> 01:07:37,923
make us look like
some bad Italian stereotype?
1771
01:07:37,923 --> 01:07:39,794
Come on. You know
I'm not doing that.
1772
01:07:39,794 --> 01:07:41,535
Are you blind? Look at...
1773
01:07:41,535 --> 01:07:43,015
We are
in the woods
1774
01:07:43,015 --> 01:07:44,408
in the middle
of the night
1775
01:07:44,408 --> 01:07:46,888
trying to get rid
of a freakin' body.
1776
01:07:46,888 --> 01:07:48,020
That's right.
1777
01:07:48,020 --> 01:07:49,804
To help me get
rid of the evidence.
1778
01:07:49,804 --> 01:07:51,589
Why does it seem like
you've done this before?
1779
01:07:54,331 --> 01:07:55,593
- Stupid bird!
- It's dead!
1780
01:07:55,593 --> 01:07:56,768
What are
you doing?
1781
01:07:56,768 --> 01:07:58,117
Look at
its feathers.
1782
01:08:04,950 --> 01:08:06,038
Night cologne?
1783
01:08:16,222 --> 01:08:18,442
Listen, son,
1784
01:08:18,442 --> 01:08:21,271
I was just trying
to help you win
this family over
1785
01:08:21,271 --> 01:08:23,751
by making
a good meal,
that's all.
1786
01:08:23,751 --> 01:08:25,057
Well, if this is
your idea of help,
1787
01:08:25,057 --> 01:08:26,276
I think I'm good, Dad.
1788
01:08:26,754 --> 01:08:28,756
Jesus.
1789
01:08:28,756 --> 01:08:29,888
Why do I feel
like you're trying
1790
01:08:29,888 --> 01:08:31,368
to wreck this
for me?
Wreck it?
1791
01:08:31,368 --> 01:08:33,544
I'm just making an effort
like you asked me to do.
1792
01:08:33,544 --> 01:08:34,806
Well, it turns out
the only thing worse
1793
01:08:34,806 --> 01:08:37,417
than you not trying
is you trying.
1794
01:08:37,417 --> 01:08:39,680
Well, maybe to you,
but to me, these people,
1795
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:41,334
they seem
to like me.
Like you?
1796
01:08:41,334 --> 01:08:43,684
If I told these people
the truth about what happened,
1797
01:08:43,684 --> 01:08:44,903
they'd never
have us back here.
1798
01:08:48,820 --> 01:08:51,649
You know, why did
I let Ellie convince me
to bring you here?
1799
01:08:51,649 --> 01:08:53,085
What do you mean,
"bring me here"?
1800
01:08:53,085 --> 01:08:54,695
You're the one
who invited me,
didn't you?
1801
01:08:54,695 --> 01:08:57,002
Yeah, I invited you
to get grandma's ring.
1802
01:08:57,002 --> 01:08:59,396
I didn't know you were
gonna spend the whole time
sabotaging me.
1803
01:08:59,396 --> 01:09:01,006
What are you
talking about,
"sabotaging"?
1804
01:09:01,006 --> 01:09:02,442
How could you say that?
1805
01:09:02,442 --> 01:09:03,965
Everything I'm
doing for you,
1806
01:09:03,965 --> 01:09:06,229
that I've ever done
for you is for
your own good,
1807
01:09:06,229 --> 01:09:07,839
to give you
a better life.
1808
01:09:07,839 --> 01:09:09,667
You love to say that,
but now that
I'm gonna get it,
1809
01:09:09,667 --> 01:09:11,277
it's like you're
trying to stop it.
1810
01:09:11,277 --> 01:09:13,105
Trying to
stop what?
1811
01:09:13,105 --> 01:09:14,541
I'm trying to make sure
that you don't make
an ass out of yourself
1812
01:09:14,541 --> 01:09:16,021
by trying to be
somebody you're not.
1813
01:09:16,021 --> 01:09:17,196
You're your own person.
1814
01:09:17,196 --> 01:09:18,719
You're your own man.
Be your own man.
1815
01:09:18,719 --> 01:09:20,591
Otherwise,
it's embarrassing.
1816
01:09:20,591 --> 01:09:22,070
Oh, man.
You know what?
1817
01:09:22,070 --> 01:09:24,029
This is your problem.
You're so focused
1818
01:09:24,029 --> 01:09:26,423
on other people
being embarrassed,
1819
01:09:26,423 --> 01:09:29,382
you can't see who
the most embarrassing
person is.
1820
01:09:29,382 --> 01:09:30,514
It's you.
1821
01:09:32,124 --> 01:09:34,126
That's really
what you think?
1822
01:09:38,043 --> 01:09:39,740
Let's just go
to sleep,
all right?
1823
01:10:15,733 --> 01:10:18,823
The next morning,
it was the 4th of July,
1824
01:10:18,823 --> 01:10:20,172
which made sense,
'cause I was
1825
01:10:20,172 --> 01:10:22,914
finally getting
my independence.
1826
01:10:22,914 --> 01:10:25,395
It was an amazing feeling.
1827
01:10:25,395 --> 01:10:28,006
But much like
my signature scent,
1828
01:10:28,006 --> 01:10:29,529
it was a little bittersweet.
1829
01:10:31,575 --> 01:10:33,751
But this was
the beginning of my new life.
1830
01:10:34,708 --> 01:10:37,015
And now that I had the ring,
1831
01:10:37,015 --> 01:10:38,712
it was time to make my move.
1832
01:10:44,892 --> 01:10:46,459
I've given this
a lot of thought
1833
01:10:46,459 --> 01:10:48,113
over the last
few days,
1834
01:10:48,113 --> 01:10:50,376
and on top
of accepting
1835
01:10:50,376 --> 01:10:52,509
your very generous offer
1836
01:10:52,509 --> 01:10:55,207
to run the Barrymore Hotel,
1837
01:10:55,207 --> 01:10:58,210
I would also like
to ask your permission
1838
01:10:58,210 --> 01:11:00,343
to propose to Ellie.
1839
01:11:02,649 --> 01:11:04,085
Oh.
1840
01:11:04,085 --> 01:11:06,087
Ah, that doesn't...
1841
01:11:07,263 --> 01:11:08,655
I...
1842
01:11:11,005 --> 01:11:13,007
We're kidding!
1843
01:11:14,835 --> 01:11:16,663
- We got him.
- Ho! You
should've seen
1844
01:11:16,663 --> 01:11:19,492
the look
on your face. Priceless.
1845
01:11:19,492 --> 01:11:21,233
Our answer is
an emphatic...
1846
01:11:21,233 --> 01:11:23,104
Yes!
- Oh, God.
1847
01:11:23,104 --> 01:11:25,803
Gee, Sebastian,
we just love you.
1848
01:11:25,803 --> 01:11:27,370
And we just...
We cannot
1849
01:11:27,370 --> 01:11:29,067
wait for you
and Ellie
1850
01:11:29,067 --> 01:11:30,764
to join the party
in D.C.
1851
01:11:30,764 --> 01:11:33,201
Yes.
And this is perfect.
1852
01:11:33,201 --> 01:11:36,204
We're doing our family
Christmas card photo today.
1853
01:11:36,204 --> 01:11:38,598
You can propose there,
and then be in it!
1854
01:11:38,598 --> 01:11:41,688
Oh, thank God.
I was so nervous
1855
01:11:41,688 --> 01:11:43,908
how you guys would react
to this, you know?
1856
01:11:43,908 --> 01:11:46,302
Especially, what's happened
this weekend with my father.
1857
01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:49,305
No. That dinner
was wonderful.
1858
01:11:52,612 --> 01:11:54,527
- Yeah.
- Fantastic. Memorable.
1859
01:11:54,527 --> 01:11:56,268
Chicken al cavone.
1860
01:11:56,268 --> 01:11:58,357
Fantastic.
1861
01:11:58,357 --> 01:11:59,489
- Never had it.
Terrific.
1862
01:11:59,489 --> 01:12:00,925
Yes.
- Don't know what's in it.
1863
01:12:02,448 --> 01:12:04,145
What the hell kind
of elf are you
supposed to be?
1864
01:12:04,145 --> 01:12:07,235
I'm representing
all the holiday traditions.
1865
01:12:07,235 --> 01:12:08,759
Nice.
1866
01:12:08,759 --> 01:12:10,195
You're as plump
as a little partridge.
1867
01:12:10,195 --> 01:12:12,632
Yes.
1868
01:12:12,632 --> 01:12:14,330
Oh, oh.
1869
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:15,679
Hey, you fit
right in.
1870
01:12:15,679 --> 01:12:17,028
Uh, I don't know.
1871
01:12:17,028 --> 01:12:18,377
Can I propose first
1872
01:12:18,377 --> 01:12:19,944
and then put on
the tree costume?
1873
01:12:21,162 --> 01:12:22,642
What's
- the difference?
- Oh, E... Ellie.
1874
01:12:22,642 --> 01:12:24,601
Ellie, where's
your costume?
We... We can't
1875
01:12:24,601 --> 01:12:25,819
do this without
our reindeer.
1876
01:12:25,819 --> 01:12:27,386
I'm sorry, but I'm
not gonna be taking
1877
01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:29,257
the photo this year,
because I no longer
1878
01:12:29,257 --> 01:12:30,476
wanna be a part
of this family.
1879
01:12:30,476 --> 01:12:33,000
Also, Sebastian
isn't taking the job,
1880
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:34,828
we are not
moving to D.C.
1881
01:12:34,828 --> 01:12:36,221
and we're not gonna
spend any more time
1882
01:12:36,221 --> 01:12:37,918
with these manipulators.
So, let's go.
1883
01:12:37,918 --> 01:12:39,790
- What happened?
- What's happened?
1884
01:12:39,790 --> 01:12:42,488
Dad, what do all
of your hotels
have in common?
1885
01:12:42,488 --> 01:12:44,925
Five-star experience
at a three-star price.
1886
01:12:44,925 --> 01:12:48,059
No. The answer is
1887
01:12:48,059 --> 01:12:49,713
their lobby art.
1888
01:12:49,713 --> 01:12:50,844
- Oh.
- Shall we start
1889
01:12:50,844 --> 01:12:52,280
with the Barrymore
Hotel?
Uh-oh.
1890
01:12:52,280 --> 01:12:53,978
- Shall we? Come on.
- No, I don't
need to see...
1891
01:12:53,978 --> 01:12:56,372
Oh, look.
Do you notice
anything familiar
1892
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:57,808
- about the walls?
- Well, no.
1893
01:12:57,808 --> 01:12:59,592
That's
my painting,
isn't it?
1894
01:12:59,592 --> 01:13:01,333
Well,
what's that?
My painting.
1895
01:13:01,333 --> 01:13:02,595
My painting.
1896
01:13:02,595 --> 01:13:04,728
Oh, yeah,
my painting.
All right.
1897
01:13:04,728 --> 01:13:07,078
It was
your dad's idea!
1898
01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:08,471
- Wait. Just wait.
- It was
your dad's idea.
1899
01:13:08,471 --> 01:13:10,081
No. One second here.
It was him.
1900
01:13:10,081 --> 01:13:11,604
I just wanna know
how you found out.
1901
01:13:11,604 --> 01:13:13,171
Sebastian,
did you tell her?
1902
01:13:14,955 --> 01:13:15,956
What?
1903
01:13:16,740 --> 01:13:18,176
You knew
about this?
1904
01:13:19,656 --> 01:13:22,920
Well, no,
I kind of saw...
1905
01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:25,313
I can't believe that
you all did this to me.
1906
01:13:25,313 --> 01:13:27,228
Ellie, we can explain.
1907
01:13:27,228 --> 01:13:28,621
- We can explain.
- No, Mom!
1908
01:13:28,621 --> 01:13:31,450
This whole time
I thought I was
selling my art
1909
01:13:31,450 --> 01:13:33,409
to this cool new designer,
1910
01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,585
when really
my parents
just hired them
1911
01:13:35,585 --> 01:13:36,673
to buy my work.
1912
01:13:36,673 --> 01:13:37,891
No, no, no, darling.
1913
01:13:37,891 --> 01:13:39,240
No, that's
not... No.
1914
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:41,808
Yes. Yes, that is
technically true.
1915
01:13:41,808 --> 01:13:44,115
I thought
I was killing it
in the art world!
1916
01:13:44,115 --> 01:13:46,030
We just wanted you
to get a jump-start
1917
01:13:46,030 --> 01:13:47,858
in a really,
really rough business.
1918
01:13:47,858 --> 01:13:49,294
It's so terrible
out there.
You know how rough it is.
1919
01:13:49,294 --> 01:13:50,687
It's what you
always do.
You're always...
1920
01:13:50,687 --> 01:13:51,992
You're just stealing
our lessons.
1921
01:13:51,992 --> 01:13:54,430
You bribe our way
onto sports teams,
1922
01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:56,214
you rewrite
our college essays,
1923
01:13:56,214 --> 01:13:58,129
you hire famous rappers
1924
01:13:58,129 --> 01:13:59,652
to emcee
our birthday parties.
1925
01:13:59,652 --> 01:14:01,175
That was also
- not my idea.
- Okay. So what?
1926
01:14:01,175 --> 01:14:02,525
Now you don't
like Warren G?
1927
01:14:02,525 --> 01:14:03,874
Look, you guys are
great parents.
1928
01:14:03,874 --> 01:14:06,006
Don't let her guilt you
into changing your ways.
1929
01:14:06,006 --> 01:14:07,921
All I have ever wanted
was to feel like
1930
01:14:07,921 --> 01:14:10,271
I was accomplishing
things on my own.
1931
01:14:12,186 --> 01:14:13,666
And I can't believe
that you just didn't
1932
01:14:13,666 --> 01:14:14,798
say something to me.
1933
01:14:16,887 --> 01:14:18,715
Sweetheart, we, um...
1934
01:14:18,715 --> 01:14:21,413
Oh, my gosh.
I told you.
Well, yeah.
1935
01:14:26,287 --> 01:14:27,898
I'd been
so focused on trying
1936
01:14:27,898 --> 01:14:29,943
to please Ellie's family,
1937
01:14:29,943 --> 01:14:32,685
that I lost sight
of what I came here to do.
1938
01:14:32,685 --> 01:14:35,819
I had to find Ellie
and make this right.
1939
01:14:35,819 --> 01:14:38,430
And I knew exactly
where she'd be.
1940
01:14:38,430 --> 01:14:39,823
Permission
to approach?
1941
01:14:59,190 --> 01:15:00,757
Place could use
a remodel, huh?
1942
01:15:06,371 --> 01:15:08,199
I'm sorry.
1943
01:15:08,199 --> 01:15:09,592
I should've said something.
1944
01:15:10,506 --> 01:15:11,855
Yeah, you should have.
1945
01:15:13,900 --> 01:15:16,381
Is there anything I could do
to make it up to you?
1946
01:15:16,381 --> 01:15:19,732
Just being in this family
1947
01:15:19,732 --> 01:15:21,995
is like bowling
with bumpers.
1948
01:15:21,995 --> 01:15:23,344
It's like,
1949
01:15:23,344 --> 01:15:25,608
no matter what I try to do,
1950
01:15:25,608 --> 01:15:27,174
they're always
setting up rails
1951
01:15:27,174 --> 01:15:28,524
to make sure that I win.
1952
01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:31,396
And sometimes,
I just want to free bowl,
1953
01:15:31,396 --> 01:15:32,702
because then,
that way
1954
01:15:32,702 --> 01:15:36,401
if I bowl a strike,
then that's my strike.
1955
01:15:36,401 --> 01:15:38,446
But if I gutter it,
then that's on me too.
1956
01:15:38,446 --> 01:15:39,796
I understand.
1957
01:15:39,796 --> 01:15:42,102
You want to work hard
for your own success.
1958
01:15:42,102 --> 01:15:43,713
Yes.
1959
01:15:43,713 --> 01:15:46,063
Do you remember
when you told me
the story
1960
01:15:46,063 --> 01:15:48,239
about how Salvo taught
you how to swim?
1961
01:15:48,239 --> 01:15:50,850
He dropped me in the middle
of Lake Michigan in November.
1962
01:15:52,852 --> 01:15:54,985
Listen, I know
he's a pain in the ass,
1963
01:15:56,595 --> 01:15:59,598
but he also raised you
to be tough and resourceful.
1964
01:15:59,598 --> 01:16:02,427
And those are two things
I really love about you.
1965
01:16:04,211 --> 01:16:05,735
And I kind of wish
that my parents had
1966
01:16:05,735 --> 01:16:07,258
raised me more like that.
1967
01:16:08,781 --> 01:16:10,087
And that was the moment
1968
01:16:10,087 --> 01:16:13,569
everything finally started
to make sense.
1969
01:16:13,569 --> 01:16:15,701
Here I was,
planning to propose
1970
01:16:15,701 --> 01:16:18,312
to the girl of my dreams,
1971
01:16:18,312 --> 01:16:22,621
and I was gonna do it
without the man who raised me?
1972
01:16:22,621 --> 01:16:25,493
I realized
I had everything I wanted,
1973
01:16:25,493 --> 01:16:27,452
but not what I needed.
1974
01:16:27,452 --> 01:16:28,627
I gotta go
do something first.
1975
01:16:30,194 --> 01:16:31,282
What? What?
1976
01:16:31,282 --> 01:16:32,979
Trust me.
Meet me
at dinner.
1977
01:16:35,547 --> 01:16:37,070
How's he doing
back there?
1978
01:16:40,160 --> 01:16:42,032
Keep going,
- bro, I'm fine.
Okay.
1979
01:16:45,252 --> 01:16:47,428
There it is. That's it.
1980
01:16:47,428 --> 01:16:49,039
I got you, mi hermano.
1981
01:16:50,606 --> 01:16:51,737
You go get him.
1982
01:16:54,479 --> 01:16:56,829
Hey, stop!
You can't be out here!
1983
01:16:56,829 --> 01:17:00,050
Sir, you have
to get off the tarmac! Sir!
1984
01:17:00,050 --> 01:17:01,486
Stop the plane.
1985
01:17:15,587 --> 01:17:16,632
Son...
1986
01:17:18,198 --> 01:17:19,635
what are you doing?
1987
01:17:19,635 --> 01:17:21,375
You look like
you swam here.
1988
01:17:21,375 --> 01:17:23,073
I came here
to tell you
1989
01:17:23,073 --> 01:17:24,640
that you're
stubborn,
you're cheap,
1990
01:17:25,292 --> 01:17:26,990
you're obnoxious,
1991
01:17:26,990 --> 01:17:28,339
you're severely judgmental...
1992
01:17:28,339 --> 01:17:29,427
Wait, wait.
This is what
1993
01:17:29,427 --> 01:17:30,646
I'm getting off
the plane for?
1994
01:17:30,646 --> 01:17:32,256
Dad, but the truth is
1995
01:17:32,256 --> 01:17:35,563
all those quirks are
part of what makes you
the greatest dad
1996
01:17:35,563 --> 01:17:36,913
that I could
ever hope for.
1997
01:17:38,436 --> 01:17:40,264
Okay. Now
I'm listening.
1998
01:17:40,264 --> 01:17:42,222
Now, it ain't
always easy
being your son,
1999
01:17:42,222 --> 01:17:45,704
but the way you raised me
made me the man I am today.
2000
01:17:45,704 --> 01:17:48,315
The same man,
for whatever the reason,
2001
01:17:48,315 --> 01:17:50,056
Ellie seems to love.
2002
01:17:50,056 --> 01:17:52,363
Could never figure
that one out, either,
but you know...
2003
01:17:52,363 --> 01:17:53,451
You got your
grandmother's ring.
2004
01:17:53,451 --> 01:17:54,670
What else
you need
from me?
2005
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:57,150
I need you to be part
of our lives, Dad.
2006
01:17:57,150 --> 01:17:58,499
But you said
I was embarrassing.
2007
01:17:58,499 --> 01:17:59,979
You are.
2008
01:17:59,979 --> 01:18:01,633
You haven't
changed one bit
since I was a kid.
2009
01:18:01,633 --> 01:18:03,635
You know who did?
I changed.
2010
01:18:03,635 --> 01:18:05,376
And I think somewhere
along the way,
2011
01:18:06,159 --> 01:18:07,421
I forgot.
2012
01:18:08,553 --> 01:18:10,207
You're my hero, man.
2013
01:18:12,078 --> 01:18:15,038
- Stop.
- No. You are.
2014
01:18:15,038 --> 01:18:16,779
All the stuff
you sacrifice.
2015
01:18:16,779 --> 01:18:19,216
Everything that's
good in my life,
I owe it to you.
2016
01:18:20,130 --> 01:18:21,958
No. It's... it's...
2017
01:18:21,958 --> 01:18:24,743
It's that good things
happen to good kids.
2018
01:18:24,743 --> 01:18:26,310
You're a good boy.
2019
01:18:26,310 --> 01:18:28,747
It's just that
I've been acting
crazier lately,
2020
01:18:28,747 --> 01:18:30,749
because... I... I...
2021
01:18:30,749 --> 01:18:33,796
I was so poor,
for me to give you
a better life,
2022
01:18:33,796 --> 01:18:35,275
and now that
you're going to have it,
2023
01:18:35,275 --> 01:18:38,104
and I'm afraid that
once you marry Ellie,
2024
01:18:38,104 --> 01:18:40,367
I'm gonna lose
the only family I got.
2025
01:18:40,367 --> 01:18:41,978
Oh, Dad, you're
not gonna lose me.
Don't worry.
2026
01:18:41,978 --> 01:18:43,631
Stop... don't cry, Dad.
2027
01:18:43,631 --> 01:18:45,372
You're going
to make me cry.
Well, I can't help it.
2028
01:18:46,199 --> 01:18:47,984
I love you, man.
2029
01:18:47,984 --> 01:18:49,246
- I love you, Dad.
- I love you too, kid.
2030
01:18:49,246 --> 01:18:50,421
Love you.
2031
01:18:58,081 --> 01:18:59,996
Are you crying?
2032
01:18:59,996 --> 01:19:01,214
- What?
- Are you crying?
2033
01:19:01,214 --> 01:19:02,650
Hell, no.
2034
01:19:02,650 --> 01:19:05,088
I never cry!
2035
01:19:15,751 --> 01:19:16,839
Wow!
2036
01:19:18,188 --> 01:19:20,103
I don't know
why I was
so scared.
2037
01:19:21,582 --> 01:19:23,541
This is really beautiful.
Yeah.
2038
01:19:24,977 --> 01:19:26,283
Oh, my God!
We're going down!
2039
01:19:26,283 --> 01:19:27,719
- Oh, my God!
- I'm just kidding.
2040
01:19:27,719 --> 01:19:29,677
I'm going
to kill you, Luck!
2041
01:19:35,248 --> 01:19:36,684
Ladies
and gentlemen, welcome
2042
01:19:36,684 --> 01:19:38,861
to this year's
4th of July clambake.
2043
01:19:38,861 --> 01:19:40,645
Well, so far,
2044
01:19:40,645 --> 01:19:42,778
a very
pleasant evening.
2045
01:19:42,778 --> 01:19:45,084
Mmm-hmm.
- Thank you,
my darling.
2046
01:19:45,084 --> 01:19:46,564
Such a treat.
2047
01:19:46,564 --> 01:19:49,262
Hats off to that
new chef, huh?
2048
01:19:49,262 --> 01:19:52,048
Outstanding.
Of course, you can't
go wrong with lobster.
2049
01:19:52,048 --> 01:19:53,223
Oh, sweetie,
2050
01:19:53,223 --> 01:19:55,094
did you lose
your appetite?
2051
01:19:55,094 --> 01:19:56,095
Do you wanna
buy me one?
2052
01:19:58,706 --> 01:20:00,186
All right,
ladies and gentlemen.
2053
01:20:00,186 --> 01:20:02,232
I hope you brought
your dancing shoes tonight...
2054
01:20:02,232 --> 01:20:03,668
Because...
2055
01:20:03,668 --> 01:20:05,975
Thank you, Mr. Woodrow.
Because we've got a real treat
2056
01:20:05,975 --> 01:20:07,585
for you guys tonight.
2057
01:20:07,585 --> 01:20:10,370
Please welcome, all the way
from Chicago, Illinois,
2058
01:20:10,370 --> 01:20:12,938
Sebastian Maniscalco.
2059
01:20:16,899 --> 01:20:19,597
Ellie Collins,
you asked for this.
2060
01:20:19,597 --> 01:20:21,512
I wonder what
this is about.
I don't know.
2061
01:20:26,082 --> 01:20:27,953
Eleanor Mallory Collins.
2062
01:20:27,953 --> 01:20:29,259
What are you doing?
2063
01:20:30,956 --> 01:20:32,523
Exactly what
I came here to do.
2064
01:20:34,786 --> 01:20:35,961
Now, my father
said something
2065
01:20:35,961 --> 01:20:38,007
really profound
this weekend.
2066
01:20:38,007 --> 01:20:40,705
It's an old
Italian saying,
2067
01:20:42,185 --> 01:20:45,231
"Family isn't
one important thing,
2068
01:20:47,059 --> 01:20:48,147
"it's everything."
2069
01:20:50,106 --> 01:20:52,195
Now, yeah, they could
be embarrassing.
2070
01:20:53,152 --> 01:20:54,327
Smothering.
2071
01:20:54,327 --> 01:20:56,112
Sometimes maybe
express their love
2072
01:20:56,112 --> 01:20:58,723
in ways
that are pretty...
Messed up.
2073
01:20:58,723 --> 01:21:00,159
Exactly.
Yeah.
2074
01:21:01,900 --> 01:21:04,511
But at the end
of the day they're...
2075
01:21:04,511 --> 01:21:06,862
they're just trying to do
what's best for us.
2076
01:21:08,167 --> 01:21:09,603
Because they love us.
2077
01:21:12,476 --> 01:21:14,086
Now here,
in this moment,
2078
01:21:14,086 --> 01:21:16,001
in front
of our families...
2079
01:21:21,050 --> 01:21:22,225
Ellie...
2080
01:21:23,530 --> 01:21:24,836
will you marry me?
2081
01:21:26,925 --> 01:21:28,100
- Yes.
Oh.
2082
01:21:42,375 --> 01:21:44,290
And there
you have it, folks.
2083
01:21:44,290 --> 01:21:47,163
An atypical
American love story
2084
01:21:47,163 --> 01:21:50,688
about a man reconnecting
with his hero,
2085
01:21:50,688 --> 01:21:53,560
and two different brands
of immigrant families
2086
01:21:53,560 --> 01:21:54,953
coming together.
2087
01:22:02,221 --> 01:22:03,701
Sebastian,
are you sure
2088
01:22:03,701 --> 01:22:05,529
you won't
reconsider
our offer?
2089
01:22:05,529 --> 01:22:06,922
No, it's
a generous offer.
2090
01:22:06,922 --> 01:22:08,445
- Yeah.
- But Ellie
and I decided
2091
01:22:08,445 --> 01:22:10,316
to stay in Chicago
for at least
a few more years.
2092
01:22:10,316 --> 01:22:11,578
Oh!
- Yeah.
2093
01:22:11,578 --> 01:22:13,667
I'm not saying
a word. Heartbreaking.
2094
01:22:13,667 --> 01:22:15,800
Dad, I was thinking
since Sea Bass isn't... Yeah.
2095
01:22:15,800 --> 01:22:17,497
gonna take the job,
I thought I could...
2096
01:22:18,237 --> 01:22:19,325
step up.
2097
01:22:20,848 --> 01:22:22,067
No more drugs?
2098
01:22:23,808 --> 01:22:25,679
Prescription?
Mostly mine?
2099
01:22:25,679 --> 01:22:27,116
A dream come true.
2100
01:22:27,116 --> 01:22:29,118
All right.
- Thank you.
- That's my boy, Lucky.
2101
01:22:29,118 --> 01:22:30,728
I'm
running a hotel.
2102
01:22:30,728 --> 01:22:32,425
- Hi.
- Hi, everybody.
2103
01:22:32,425 --> 01:22:34,732
Um, I'd like you to meet
my girlfriend, Michelle.
2104
01:22:34,732 --> 01:22:36,081
- Hello.
- Hi, I'm Ellie.
2105
01:22:36,081 --> 01:22:37,517
Hi.
- She's real.
2106
01:22:38,301 --> 01:22:39,519
That's my sister.
2107
01:22:39,519 --> 01:22:41,391
It's very nice
to meet all of you.
2108
01:22:41,391 --> 01:22:44,524
Did you fly
all the way
from... from...
2109
01:22:44,524 --> 01:22:45,961
Africa....Africa
2110
01:22:45,961 --> 01:22:49,138
...to be
with Doug?
2111
01:22:49,138 --> 01:22:51,923
Oh, well,
I love Doug.
2112
01:22:51,923 --> 01:22:53,011
But I'm
actually here
2113
01:22:53,011 --> 01:22:54,360
on a Fulbright scholarship.
2114
01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:55,579
She's very smart.
2115
01:22:55,579 --> 01:22:56,928
Very nice.
2116
01:22:56,928 --> 01:22:59,670
Well, we're
just so happy
2117
01:22:59,670 --> 01:23:01,237
to meet you. Lovely.
2118
01:23:01,237 --> 01:23:03,413
Yes. You could sit... Mom. Dad.
2119
01:23:03,413 --> 01:23:04,805
- Yes. Yes.
- Where are
we gonna go?
2120
01:23:04,805 --> 01:23:05,893
- Right this way.
- Yeah, we gotta get
2121
01:23:05,893 --> 01:23:08,113
our picture taken.
2122
01:23:11,464 --> 01:23:14,554
Don't say that I never
did nothing for you.
2123
01:23:21,953 --> 01:23:23,302
Ah.
Oh.
2124
01:23:23,302 --> 01:23:25,087
How would
you two feel
2125
01:23:25,087 --> 01:23:27,002
about having
the wedding
2126
01:23:27,002 --> 01:23:28,873
in our chapel
in D.C.?
2127
01:23:28,873 --> 01:23:30,179
D.C.? No.
2128
01:23:30,179 --> 01:23:31,658
Let's have it
in Sicily.
2129
01:23:31,658 --> 01:23:33,269
Oh, Sicily.
- In my grandfather's
garden.
2130
01:23:33,269 --> 01:23:35,053
That's where
you should... I was thinking like Napa,
2131
01:23:35,053 --> 01:23:37,664
because I found this place
that has a big wine glass.
2132
01:23:37,664 --> 01:23:38,926
And you can do
the whole ceremony
2133
01:23:38,926 --> 01:23:40,058
in the wine glass.
2134
01:23:40,058 --> 01:23:42,017
Duke! Duke! No!
2135
01:23:42,017 --> 01:23:43,844
What do you have
in your mouth?
2136
01:23:43,844 --> 01:23:46,151
Duke murdered
a peacock.