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[DuCoque] They say you should
never give up on your dreams,
4
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,562
but what if you should?
5
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:08,068
What if your dreams are just
too big and you are too small?
6
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:15,617
A tiny, insignificant speck of carbon
floating in a cruel, unforgiving universe.
7
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:22,040
No, the universe doesn't
care about your dreams.
8
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,919
In a flash of light,
in the blink of an eye,
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00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,630
it will wipe its ass with your destiny.
10
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,759
But if you learn to accept this,
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to laugh at God
instead of cursing him,
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00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:40,141
then maybe, just maybe,
you stand a chance
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00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,437
of becoming a pretty decent clown.
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00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:47,357
Weird.
15
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:50,777
Where is everybody?
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00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:02,038
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
17
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,164
[claps]
18
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,376
{\an8}♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
19
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:07,502
{\an8}[claps]
20
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,754
{\an8}♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
21
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,881
{\an8}♪ And you really want to show it ♪
22
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,759
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
23
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,427
[claps]
24
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:20,473
If you're happy-- bear with me--
and you know it, stamp your...
25
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,976
[deep inhale]
26
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,687
- Ah, you know it don't you?
- [explosions on TV]
27
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,190
Are you going to be
able to finish that? Or...
28
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,568
What is it? Red Leicester?
What is that?
29
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,652
Bobo!
30
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,614
I thought we were clear.
We're gonna go another way with this.
31
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:40,243
Yes, I heard you.
You said I was depressing the children.
32
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,370
That's why I brought out
the happy dance.
33
00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,999
Look, we've had a great run, but we're
gonna give Nathan a go this time.
34
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,960
- He does close-up magic...
- And far-away magic.
35
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,630
A fucking wand-stroker?!
36
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,717
My act works!
37
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:59,846
I've been doing it 25 years!
It's the kids that've changed!
38
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,015
They don't appreciate
the classics anymore.
39
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,225
They just wanna get
jacked up on energy drinks,
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00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,810
and watch Serbian pornography.
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00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:10,273
- I don't think these kids are watching--
- Asian shit, foot stuff, whatever.
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00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:14,235
If you want to give my job to a
fucking hat fister, then fine.
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00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,695
Fuck you.
44
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,489
And fuck him,
and fuck this gig,
45
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,617
and fuck all these joyless little pricks,
46
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,744
because I quit. Okay?
47
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:26,247
Oh, I'll be taking one of these
jellies as well. Thank you!
48
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,292
That was methadone.
49
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:33,463
Yeah, I knew that.
50
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,757
- Alright?
- [elevator dings]
51
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,268
Right.
Let's introduce you.
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00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,855
{\an8}[DJ on radio]
Good morning, Ireland.
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00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,525
{\an8}You're listening to 93.5 with Big Roy
and The Animal. [growls]
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00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,612
{\an8}[news anchor on radio]
Extreme weather conditions in Bolivia
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00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:00,698
{\an8}have baffled climatologists
who fear electromagnetic--
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[announcer on radio]
Garth Brooks live this Saturday
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00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,579
at Croke Park, Dublin.
Extra tickets on sale--
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00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,705
[radio static]
59
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,668
- [ominous music playing]
- [overlapping chatter]
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00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,097
Hey, kid.
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00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,392
Do you wanna see a show?
[cackles] Come on.
62
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:31,145
- It'll only take a second.
- Hey! Let go!
63
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:34,774
Help! That thing was trying
to drag my son away!
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00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,194
[laughs]
No, no, no.
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00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,698
That's just where I do my show.
They won't let me do it out here.
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00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,616
If you need any witnesses,
I saw what happened.
67
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,576
She definitely tried to snatch your kid.
68
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,705
Fuck you, Alan!
Just gimme a shot on the strip.
69
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,791
- I've done my time!
- The strip's for artists, Funzo.
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00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,876
You're scaring away the clients.
71
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:58,548
You want to dance with me,
Alan, do you wanna dance?
72
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,342
Is this clown bothering you, Alan?
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00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,512
Okay.
74
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,306
Okay.
75
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,477
- [Funzo screams]
- [intense music playing]
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00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,646
[winces]
77
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:19,402
You can run, Funzo but we'll get
you eventually! We can wait!
78
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,572
Human statues can always wait!
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00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,074
{\an8}- [radio static]
- [ominous music playing]
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00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:34,167
{\an8}[DuCoque] Before we begin, there are
three basic truths you must accept.
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00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,711
One, God is dead.
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00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,047
Two.
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00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:42,884
Laughter is the only sane response
to a meaningless existence.
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00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:47,930
Three, if you are going to do a tumble,
85
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,185
make sure you land
on the meat of your buttocks,
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00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,396
or you will really damage your ass bone.
87
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,318
You, why are you here?
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00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,279
I just love kids.
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00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,907
I guess... making them laugh.
90
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:09,160
A bit route one, isn't it?
"Making children laugh."
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00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:13,247
Ah, we have an avant-gardist in our midst.
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00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,959
Let us marvel at his singular genius.
93
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,048
Monsieur DuCoque.
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00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:28,888
I am Pepe, and this is my interpretation
of the classic mime "Trapped In A Box."
95
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,273
That's a wall.
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00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,989
And another one. Not this again.
97
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,868
Ooh, uh, Julian.
Julian, are you still out there?
98
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,579
I better call Barbara.
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00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,290
Hello? May I speak to Barbara please?
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00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,209
Barbara? Hi, it's Pepe.
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00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,503
Listen, bit of an embarrassing one
for you, Barbara.
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00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,921
You know that box I've got
103
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,673
- at the end of my garden?
- Enough!
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00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,343
This is the worst performance
I have ever seen.
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00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:09,137
Sorry, maybe you
didn't understand there.
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00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:12,056
I wasn't actually trapped in a box.
I was just pretending.
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00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,809
A true clown never pretends.
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00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,436
He simply be's.
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00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,314
But I am a true clown.
I just need some training.
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If I taught a duck to wear a hat and
a little suit and go to an office
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00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:30,324
every day with a tiny briefcase,
would that make him a businessman?
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00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,828
Well, if he tried really hard
and read all the books and...
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00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,872
really believed in his
dreams, then yes!
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00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,332
Yes, I know that duck
could become a businessman.
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00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,542
Silence!
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00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:45,047
You will never... be...
[straining] a true clown.
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- [grunts]
- [thud]
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00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,468
Monsieur DuCoque!
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00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:51,512
Monsieur DuCoque!
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00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,391
They say comedy equals tragedy plus time.
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{\an8}Well, unfortunately, time was up
for the man that some people called
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00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,565
{\an8}the last great clown, Jean DuCoque.
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00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:06,569
And joining me to discuss
his legacy is, well, a bit of a blast
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00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:09,405
from the TV past,
The amazing Alphonso.
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00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,741
{\an8}It's "The Great,"
it's "The Great Alphonso."
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00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:15,453
So DuCoque was, I suppose, some
kind of a hero to you.
127
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:16,621
[gasps]
128
00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:19,165
[Alphonso]
Indeed. And I to him.
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00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,000
Unlike many of the other so-called
130
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:25,254
"stars of the time,"
he was not a jealous clown.
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00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:29,884
For instance, when Alphonso's
Fun Club became the nation's highest
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00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,637
rated kids' TV show in 1993...
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00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,139
I think I remember that show!
134
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,851
- And then again, in 1994.
- Wasn't it canceled due to some kind
135
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:41,312
of a freak gunge tank accident?
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00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,355
Yeah, it was.
137
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,732
- There were no formal charges.
- [laughs]
138
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,443
- Piss off.
- I think DuCoque would be delighted
139
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,403
to hear the announcement
of my comeback show
140
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,864
this Saturday at the
National Concert Hall--
141
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,535
Saturday? Isn't that the same night as
Garth Brooks' Stadium show?
142
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,203
'Cause that's where I'll be!
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00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,579
Oh, fucking hack.
144
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,456
[seals snorting]
145
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,251
Why are you watching this?
146
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,425
- [uneasy music playing]
- Fuck off!
147
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,220
Fucking thing. Piss off!
148
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:18,724
Piss off. Why are you smiling?
You've got nothing to smile for.
149
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,809
Eat cock.
150
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:24,272
- Why are you smiling?!
- [squeaking]
151
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,107
Piece of shit.
152
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,704
[nostalgic children's music]
153
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,057
[somber music playing]
154
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,486
I need that source, Suzie.
155
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,739
I'm not going live
without a second source.
156
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,907
{\an8}No, no. I never said
it was off the record!
157
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,535
{\an8}- He's not gonna wrap up this story.
- [phones ringing, chatter]
158
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,745
{\an8}You've got 20 minutes.
159
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,958
[Edith]
Wow. It only took you three days.
160
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,793
You know you get paid by the word?
161
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,880
Look, Edith, I think I've
got a real story here.
162
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:35,384
- What do you know about solar flares?
- I know I don't care about them.
163
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,262
I've been tracking some serious
meteorological anomalies
164
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,680
over the past few months.
165
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:45,478
NASA, the European Space Agency, the SWPC,
all warning of a potentially major event.
166
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,689
- Alright, listen, Jenny...
- I know what you're gonna say, Edith,
167
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,358
but journalism is in my blood.
168
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,318
You've got a thoroughbred horse here,
169
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,737
and you've got me giving
pony rides round the garden.
170
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,490
I can sleep standing up.
I can shit while I gallop.
171
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,326
Stop wasting me on these
bullshit celebrity puff pieces.
172
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,370
And let me feel the wind in my mane.
173
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,290
All right. As it happens,
I do have a story for you.
174
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:09,835
Out in the field, something
tailored to your particular expertise.
175
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,589
A clown funeral.
[chuckles]
176
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:15,841
A clown funeral!
177
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:19,178
How fucked up is that? Who
wouldn't click through?
178
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:22,223
But I thought you wanted
me for my expertise.
179
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:23,599
I do.
180
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,018
Didn't you fuck a clown?
181
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,854
Sorry, did I get that wrong?
182
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:34,777
Jenny Malone fucked a clown, right?
183
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,737
This Jenny?
184
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,782
- She fucked a clown?
- Yes, she's the clown fucker.
185
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,034
Can we all stop calling me that please?
186
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:44,245
I just hooked up with a guy at a party.
187
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,288
[Suzie]
Was it a children's party?
188
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,624
Ah, fuck you, Suzie.
Journalists are talking.
189
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:52,294
Look, no one else here knows
a goddamn thing about clowns.
190
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,213
So do you want this job or not?
191
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,762
[dramatic music playing]
192
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,848
I'll do it.
193
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:08,018
Some day I'm gonna do
some real reporting,
194
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,229
{\an8}and I'm gonna show you...
195
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,275
you judgmental bitch.
196
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,362
[Edith] Are you talking to me
or your dead mother?
197
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,200
- Dead mother.
- Cool. That's totally normal.
198
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,080
[tense music playing]
199
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:38,299
[news anchor on radio] Heavy winds being
blamed for the unusual network blackouts
200
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:42,303
from the Cavernly triangle, and also
fearing increasing levels of disruption,
201
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:45,014
and a sharp rise in the number
of towns shutting down.
202
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,766
- [new continues, indistinct]
- [engine sputters, revs]
203
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,393
[seagulls cawing]
204
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,273
[uneasy music playing]
205
00:12:57,776 --> 00:13:00,029
- Can I help you?
- Is Jenny here?
206
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,865
- Jenny.
- Yeah. Five foot four.
207
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:04,492
Medium hair.
208
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,329
The most beautiful woman in the world.
209
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:13,626
We do have a Jenny,
but she's kind of plain.
210
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,878
I can take a message.
211
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,296
Um...
212
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,591
could you tell her...
213
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:25,596
every time I see a sunset
the wind shouts her name.
214
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,350
[whispered yell] Jenny!
215
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,561
Don't say that actually. It's weird, no?
216
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:36,106
I still wrote it...
Could you just say "What up?"
217
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:37,441
"What up?"
218
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,610
You just want me
to say "What up?"
219
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,654
Yeah, but keep it--
keep it casual,
220
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,656
like you're really busy,
it's no big deal,
221
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,032
so "What up? What up?"
222
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,910
Not like that, but "What up"
like that. Keep it mean.
223
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,246
Okay. Uh, what was your name?
224
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,665
Uh, Bobo.
225
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,669
Bobo as in Bobo the Clown.
226
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,712
[scoffs] Wow.
227
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,423
You know, I don't know
where she is right now,
228
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:06,720
uh, but I can tell you
where she'll be tomorrow morning.
229
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,265
Please.
230
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,810
[uneasy music playing]
231
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,063
[truck horn blares]
232
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:23,821
{\an8}- [radio static]
- [ominous music playing]
233
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:33,789
[grunts]
234
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,585
Thanks for the ride!
235
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:43,799
[car alarm chirps]
236
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:55,436
[penny whistle music playing]
237
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,396
- Jenny.
- Oh, fuck me.
238
00:14:57,771 --> 00:14:59,648
Wow, baby girl.
239
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,776
- Of course you're here.
- Wow, you look spectacular.
240
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,194
What are the chances?
241
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,072
[deep sigh]
242
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,575
Yeah, so I'm good.
243
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:14,163
Finally got out of the clown game.
At last. Long time coming.
244
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:19,585
Nah. I just needed a change, you know.
Been reading a lot of fitness magazines.
245
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,796
Hey, how you doing?
246
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,632
Bobo. Nice to meet you.
247
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,427
- So are you a couple or what's the coup?
- What? No!
248
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,638
- Oh, sorry. You seem lovely.
- What, are you single?
249
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,222
- Um...
- We should go out some time.
250
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,434
I know this great little Italian!
And he's a fantastic hot dog stand.
251
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:38,062
Bobo. I'm working.
Leave me alone.
252
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,273
Nice.
253
00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:45,861
Sorry to cock-block you there, mate.
But me and her got history.
254
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,239
And a future by the looks of it, so...
255
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:55,454
You can flash all the cash you want, but
you ain't impressing anyone, mate. Okay?
256
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:59,041
[organ music playing]
257
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:08,092
So anyway he says,
"What's with the big pants?"
258
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:09,510
And then I say,
259
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:12,429
"that's where I keep the big dick
I use to fuck your mum."
260
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,183
Anyway, that's why I don't play
orphanages anymore.
261
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,485
I'm so sorry for your loss.
262
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,196
Oh, thank you.
263
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,825
[Pepe] Monsieur DuCoque
was like a father to me.
264
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:38,622
I suppose now it's fallen
upon me to honor his legacy.
265
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,751
Big shoes to fill. [chuckles]
266
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,548
You're right.
267
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,759
I should take his shoes.
268
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:52,636
Fuck me.
269
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,141
So this guy, he must have
been a pretty big deal, right?
270
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:58,976
- Who, DuCoque?
- Mm-hmm.
271
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:03,313
Yeah. I guess. Excuse me.
272
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,567
Aah. You smell musky.
273
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,281
[whispers]
Jen!
274
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,575
Wow! This is a real Who's Who, huh?
275
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,326
Hey. How you doing?
276
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,872
Friends.
277
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,418
The pain and grief we are all feeling.
278
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,295
There are no words.
279
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:30,382
But where words fail us,
280
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,801
there is always mime!
281
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,601
- [awkward silence]
- [faint rustling]
282
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,187
[Pepe gags]
283
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,605
What're we lookin' at?
284
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,565
I'm trapped in a box while screaming.
285
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,067
[strained gag]
286
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,526
That's not how it reads.
287
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,575
Okay, the other hand isn't helping.
288
00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,621
[Alphonso clapping slowly]
289
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,665
[foreboding music playing]
290
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,798
A fitting tribute, I think we'd all agree.
291
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,007
[laughs]
292
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:16,845
But first, let me tell you
how great it is
293
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:21,975
to see the nation's entire clowning
community in such rude health.
294
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,064
Adieu Monsieur.
295
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,857
But enough about the past.
296
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,027
As you all know,
297
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,531
I myself am back on top,
298
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:40,577
gearing up for my enormous
comeback show tomorrow night!
299
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,788
But I need a support act.
300
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,666
- Well, if you...
- Not you. Not that.
301
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,377
Wait a minute, where's Boinki?
302
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,628
Doing a Masters.
303
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:50,796
Hmm?
304
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:53,006
- Giggles?
- Trampled by a horse.
305
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,967
Oh, probably for the best.
306
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,469
Um, what about you?
307
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:58,929
Are you a clown?
308
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,931
I mean, the makeup says clown,
309
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,933
- but the hair--
- I'm a journalist.
310
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,102
- Thank you very much.
- Well, perfect.
311
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,354
I'll give you 20 minutes after this.
312
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,773
Then we can do the interview, eh?
313
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,733
- [horn honks]
- [Alphonso laughs]
314
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,694
Right. Well then, we'll have to audition!
315
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,822
Everyone out to the car park.
I'll give you five minutes each.
316
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,158
- Glory awaits!
- [clattering]
317
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:24,121
- We just want Funzo.
- [Funzo laughs]
318
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:28,041
If you want me, you're
gonna have to take on all of us.
319
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,752
You fucked up now, Alan.
320
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,838
Right, guys?
321
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,258
- Who are you?
- Who's Alan?
322
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,052
You owe me an ear, Funzo.
323
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,888
You take Liberty.
324
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,806
Leave Alan to me.
325
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:45,726
Take them where?
326
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,687
To Hell. [growls]
327
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,148
Oh my God!
328
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,526
[screaming, grunting]
329
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,945
[dramatic music playing]
330
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,407
You can't do this to me!
My comeback show is tomorrow!
331
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,576
Ticket sales have been robust.
332
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:03,827
Weird fuckers, come on!
333
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,537
This is a violation of
my journalistic rights.
334
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,040
You might as well curl off a hot one
right on the Geneva Convention.
335
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,126
- Come on to fuck your...
- [Bobo] I want to be in her cell.
336
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,629
I want to be in that cell.
337
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,549
[locks clicking]
338
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,803
[Funzo humming creepily]
339
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,183
- [spits]
- [light clatter]
340
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,770
- Was that a tooth?
- Yeah, but it's not mine.
341
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,065
[Funzo resumes humming]
342
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:39,321
Do you think maybe she's gone scary?
343
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:43,575
So. What should we call our
clown troupe slash fight club?
344
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:47,788
- I'm not a clown
- And I am not forming a troupe with you.
345
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,583
I trained under the late Jean DuCoque.
346
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:53,877
You look like a tramp
who lost at paintball.
347
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,463
- I'm a street clown.
- Street clown? [laughs]
348
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,674
What is that?
That doesn't even mean anything.
349
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:03,011
It means I learned my
shit on the streets.
350
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,681
Not some fancy school with a roof on it.
351
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:09,977
It means a clown for anyone,
any place, any time.
352
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:14,523
Down an alley, under a bridge,
outside people's windows at night.
353
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:16,441
I'll clown for you right now.
354
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:19,778
Without so much as a warmup!
355
00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,822
Are you insane?
356
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:24,825
What?
Never seen a neck trapeze before?
357
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,536
- Oh, well that answers that.
- What did you say, DuCoque muncher?
358
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:31,456
- You heard what I said you little lunatic!
- Just stop it, you poke at my face!
359
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,668
- [overlapping shouting]
- Why don't you shut up, both of you?!
360
00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,298
This whole argument is pointless.
361
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,968
Face it, the world doesn't
need clowns anymore.
362
00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:43,927
[whimper]
363
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:47,973
We're fax machines, we're travel agents.
364
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,018
We're obsolete.
365
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,526
- [spits]
- [tooth clatters]
366
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,529
[hatch slams shut]
367
00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,490
[snoring]
368
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:21,882
[ominous music]
369
00:22:21,965 --> 00:22:23,008
[Funzo barking]
370
00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,596
[door locks click]
371
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:35,729
[electricity crackling, fizzles]
372
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:44,821
[gasps]
373
00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:45,947
[lips smacking]
374
00:22:48,366 --> 00:22:50,077
[distant indistinct shouting]
375
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:51,787
What's that noise?
376
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:53,955
[shouting continues]
377
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,292
Fucking hell!
378
00:22:57,375 --> 00:22:59,795
[both yelling]
379
00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:06,259
Funzo? What have you done?
Let them out please.
380
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:09,471
We could, but then we'd also
be letting out all the rats.
381
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:10,430
What rats?
382
00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:13,975
- The sack of rats I threw in there.
- [Alan] We're gonna get you Funzo!
383
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:16,061
You better sleep with one eye open!
384
00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:20,065
- It's cool. I already do.
- [Alan] You'll never outrun us, Funzo.
385
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:22,776
You can't escape. Oh my God,
there's one on my balls.
386
00:23:22,859 --> 00:23:24,111
There's one on my balls.
387
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,993
[Jenny] Weird.
Where is everybody?
388
00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:41,545
Hello?
389
00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:46,049
Anybody!
390
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:53,223
[ominous music playing]
391
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,978
- My phone's dead.
- So's my beeper.
392
00:23:58,061 --> 00:23:59,604
So are my parents.
393
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:02,607
But I had nothing to do with it.
394
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:11,867
So when that thing comes back to life,
how about you give me your number?
395
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,161
And we go for that fantastic hot dog.
396
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,621
Bobo, there's not gonna be a hot dog.
397
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:21,543
Oh, so you wanna get right down to it
like last time, do you?
398
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:23,461
Last time was a mistake.
399
00:24:25,338 --> 00:24:29,342
A sweaty, sweaty mistake,
and I've regretted it ever since.
400
00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,267
Monsieur is still in there!
401
00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,269
How could they leave him?
402
00:24:39,352 --> 00:24:42,397
Trapped in a box, the irony!
403
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:47,611
Damn it, the Scimitar
won't let me enter her.
404
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,156
You! Journalist!
I've got a show to do!
405
00:24:51,239 --> 00:24:53,575
So I'm gonna have to
drive you in your car.
406
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,703
I can give you that interview
you were asking for.
407
00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,997
Nothing electrical is working.
408
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,208
Oh shit, really?
409
00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:03,710
[crank grinding]
410
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:05,378
[whimsical music playing]
411
00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,339
[engine sputters, starts]
412
00:25:09,507 --> 00:25:12,260
What do you say, friend,
can you give us a lift?
413
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:16,514
There is no way I'm giving a lift
to a talentless has-been,
414
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:19,267
a homeless psychopath,
415
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:23,396
[shouting] and the woman
who broke my heart!
416
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:26,733
Look, I've got a big show tonight
417
00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:28,693
and there's a juicy support slot,
418
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:32,155
which I'm willing to dangle over
the muzzle of any slobbering clown
419
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:35,575
- willing to do me a solid.
- [Funzo] I can do you a solid.
420
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:38,620
How solid do you need?
[straining, grunting]
421
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,580
You know we've met before, right?
422
00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:44,626
We both came over here
to audition for the same TV show,
423
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:47,504
and I spent every penny
I had on that ferry.
424
00:25:48,171 --> 00:25:50,632
And he saw me rehearse
backstage and stole my act.
425
00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,468
And the career.
It should have been mine.
426
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,220
Oh, what we got here?
427
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:56,888
Oh look, it's your whole act.
428
00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:00,267
Look, Boo Boo is it?
429
00:26:01,268 --> 00:26:05,230
Have you any idea how many lesser
clowns have accused me of stealing
430
00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:07,482
their shitty material over the years?
431
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,195
It's not my fault you couldn't
make it on the big boy stage,
432
00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:15,824
but if you did want to make
a genuine contribution
433
00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:18,076
to our illustrious art form,
434
00:26:18,159 --> 00:26:20,662
then the best thing you can do
435
00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:25,959
is drive me to Dublin
so that I can do my show.
436
00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:27,419
Fuck the art form.
437
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:32,424
Clowning is as dead to me as that boy
band who drowned in your gunge tank.
438
00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:36,011
There was only one of them.
There were no formal charges.
439
00:26:36,469 --> 00:26:37,512
Bobo.
440
00:26:37,804 --> 00:26:39,597
- Bobo.
- What?
441
00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:44,311
I'm sorry about what I said back there.
I don't actually want you to die.
442
00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:48,106
- But you didn't say that.
- Exactly.
443
00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:51,985
Listen,
there's something big going on here,
444
00:26:52,068 --> 00:26:54,237
and I think I know what it is,
445
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:57,115
and if I'm right,
it's bigger than all of us.
446
00:26:57,741 --> 00:26:59,784
Now we need
to put our differences aside
447
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,786
and get back home as soon as possible
448
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:03,371
so I can write this story.
449
00:27:04,372 --> 00:27:05,415
I need this, Bobo.
450
00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:07,667
I need you.
451
00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:14,299
Is that, is that a picture
of me on your dashboard?
452
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:17,802
Fine. Oi.
453
00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:22,432
We'll park this beef, because I don't
mind being the bigger man.
454
00:27:22,515 --> 00:27:24,684
You don't have to do that.
I'll be the bigger man.
455
00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,436
No, no, no, no.
I insist.
456
00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:28,605
- Let me be bigger.
- It's cool.
457
00:27:29,397 --> 00:27:34,527
I'm already bigger, so it's just easier
if we think of me as being the bigger man.
458
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:41,659
[Jenny] Great. Now, how are we
gonna fit five of us in this thing?
459
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,454
[Pepe] Make that six.
460
00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:50,919
[intense music playing]
461
00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:00,553
[radio static]
462
00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:05,600
- Nothing.
- Oh my God, these are terrible.
463
00:28:05,683 --> 00:28:07,185
[cackling]
464
00:28:07,268 --> 00:28:09,229
Nothing like my act.
465
00:28:09,646 --> 00:28:11,648
Look at this one.
The jugglenaut.
466
00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:14,067
A tower of clowns on fire.
467
00:28:14,734 --> 00:28:15,985
[cackles]
468
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,321
I mean, it makes no sense.
469
00:28:19,197 --> 00:28:22,117
Can you please stop critiquing
my childhood dreams?
470
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:26,871
I mean, the clown at the bottom would
need to be built like a garden shed.
471
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:32,085
The one on the top would have to be insane
I mean, certifiably clinically insane.
472
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,212
And as for the one in the middle,
473
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:38,758
well, this clown would have to be
so still, it was if he were frozen solid.
474
00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:40,301
But above all that,
475
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:44,139
these three would have to be
willing to die for one another.
476
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:47,016
You ever met a clown you'd die for?
477
00:28:47,517 --> 00:28:49,227
[cackles]
478
00:28:56,609 --> 00:28:57,777
Hey! Stop the car!
479
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,698
- Stop the car.
- [overlapping shouting]
480
00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:08,204
Clown scum!
481
00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:09,789
Jesus fucking--
482
00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:13,501
Come on, please!
483
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:15,545
Just one fucking
text message, anything!
484
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,215
What's happening to everybody?
485
00:29:21,176 --> 00:29:22,343
Come back, you bastard.
486
00:29:22,886 --> 00:29:23,887
That's quilted.
487
00:29:24,637 --> 00:29:27,098
That's four-ply. I need that.
Come back!
488
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:28,725
Come back!
489
00:29:32,353 --> 00:29:33,980
Wait. Stop the car.
490
00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:35,982
Maybe there's someone there.
491
00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:39,277
[Alphonso] Oh, good call, Jennifer.
I could eat a horse's ass.
492
00:29:42,655 --> 00:29:45,742
Uh, Jennifer,
I'll have a tall latte, the mixed grill
493
00:29:45,825 --> 00:29:48,369
and some Trebor
Triple X mints please.
494
00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:50,371
Get it yourself, you boiled gammon.
495
00:29:51,372 --> 00:29:52,373
[Funzo sighs]
496
00:29:56,586 --> 00:29:58,546
Look, I don't mean to pry,
497
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,340
but does anyone ever tell you,
498
00:30:00,423 --> 00:30:03,635
you remind them of a certain
Stephen King novel? [chuckles]
499
00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:07,847
- What's a Stephen King novel?
- Right.
500
00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,099
Um, have you seen It?
501
00:30:10,391 --> 00:30:11,392
What?
502
00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:13,978
- It. It. Have you seen It?
- Have I seen what?
503
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:16,940
It! It! Fuck.
It's a film. It!
504
00:30:17,023 --> 00:30:20,819
Yes, I've seen a film. I've seen, um...
505
00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:24,864
Babe: Pig in the City.
Changed my life.
506
00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:27,450
Yeah. All right. Well it's...
507
00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:32,580
It's like Babe, except instead of a pig,
it's a clown.
508
00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:34,833
And instead of really
wanting to herd sheep,
509
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:37,001
he really wants to murder children.
[chuckles]
510
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:38,920
Cool!
511
00:30:41,214 --> 00:30:43,091
- [metallic creak]
- What was that?
512
00:30:43,174 --> 00:30:44,342
[gasps, shrieks]
513
00:30:45,593 --> 00:30:47,595
There is nothing left to steal.
514
00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:50,348
Just move on and you'll come to no harm.
515
00:30:50,431 --> 00:30:53,351
Stay calm.
I am a journalist. A good one.
516
00:30:53,434 --> 00:30:56,521
Leave this to me, Jennifer.
I know how to speak to perverts.
517
00:30:56,604 --> 00:31:00,567
Listen, by all means, have your filthy
way with him, but let the rest of us go.
518
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:02,569
Oh my God. You're--
519
00:31:02,652 --> 00:31:03,903
You're...
520
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:07,574
- You're bleeding slightly.
- It's nothing.
521
00:31:07,657 --> 00:31:10,076
No, I think-- I think it's, um...
I think it's something serious.
522
00:31:10,159 --> 00:31:12,161
We should take your shirt off right now.
523
00:31:12,370 --> 00:31:15,206
Listen to the man, Jenny.
There's nothing for us to steal.
524
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:16,291
Let's go please.
525
00:31:16,749 --> 00:31:17,917
So you're a journalist?
526
00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:20,336
Written all over my face, huh?
527
00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:22,881
No. It was literally
the first thing you said.
528
00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:25,133
Yeah. Okay, um...
529
00:31:25,925 --> 00:31:27,385
What happened here?
530
00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:33,182
The flash in the sky,
everything stopped working.
531
00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:36,269
- Sent people insane.
- [ominous music playing]
532
00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:41,858
They look like animals fighting
over snack boxes and condiments.
533
00:31:42,525 --> 00:31:44,235
And then we ran out supplies.
534
00:31:44,569 --> 00:31:46,112
They turned on each other.
535
00:31:46,779 --> 00:31:48,615
The sun. I knew it!
536
00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:52,869
Working nights in a burger
trailer in the midlands of Ireland.
537
00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:57,457
I thought I had seen the lowest
humanity could sink.
538
00:31:58,416 --> 00:31:59,751
But this...
539
00:31:59,959 --> 00:32:03,296
A few hours without
Wi-Fi and civilization has crumbled.
540
00:32:04,505 --> 00:32:05,506
[distant shouting]
541
00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:10,011
What fresh hell is this?
542
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:12,138
Hyah!
543
00:32:14,807 --> 00:32:15,808
Statues.
544
00:32:17,477 --> 00:32:20,104
- [Alan cackling]
- [tense music playing]
545
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,440
I'll hold them back. Save yourselves!
546
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,778
But I want to stay with you!
547
00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:29,238
- Go with your friends.
- They're not my friends.
548
00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:31,449
Fuck fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck fuck! Fuck fuck!
549
00:32:32,742 --> 00:32:34,535
[motorbike revving]
550
00:32:36,579 --> 00:32:38,331
[cackles]
551
00:32:38,915 --> 00:32:39,916
[snarling laughter]
552
00:32:39,999 --> 00:32:41,000
Shit.
553
00:32:41,167 --> 00:32:44,754
If something happened to you.
I could never forgive myself.
554
00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:47,882
- Get in the clown car.
- I don't want to!
555
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:49,050
Get in the clown car!
556
00:32:49,717 --> 00:32:51,177
Go, go, go!
557
00:32:54,764 --> 00:32:56,057
[dramatic music playing]
558
00:32:59,435 --> 00:33:01,020
[Pepe]
Put your bloody foot down!
559
00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:04,440
[Bobo] It's a wind-up car,
what do you expect?
560
00:33:04,524 --> 00:33:05,775
[grunting]
561
00:33:07,610 --> 00:33:10,446
A solar flare!
I knew it! I was right.
562
00:33:10,571 --> 00:33:14,534
All those years of being called
a crank, a joke, a conspiracy nut,
563
00:33:14,742 --> 00:33:16,077
a flat chested virgin.
564
00:33:16,452 --> 00:33:18,287
Well, fuck you, Mum.
565
00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:19,998
Look at me now!
566
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:21,124
[horn honks]
567
00:33:21,499 --> 00:33:25,920
Calm down and focus on me. Now if
we can just get on the road
568
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:29,215
we'll have me back in time
for my sound check. Yes?
569
00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:32,301
- Didn't you hear what I said?
- Something about being a virgin?
570
00:33:32,385 --> 00:33:33,928
Just show some respect.
571
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:36,973
- The lady is definitely not a virgin.
- Oh, shut up Bobo.
572
00:33:37,056 --> 00:33:38,641
Look.
573
00:33:38,725 --> 00:33:41,978
The country, the whole country,
maybe the world, has gone dark.
574
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,273
A solar flare of this
magnitude will have blown out
575
00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:49,652
- power grids, comms, satellites.
- So no TV?
576
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:53,197
No internet, no sound check!
577
00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:55,033
No Serbian pornography.
578
00:33:55,116 --> 00:34:00,455
Anything wireless, anything digital,
anything with a computer in it, basically,
579
00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:02,915
is as dead as the clown
on the roof of this car.
580
00:34:09,756 --> 00:34:12,717
Look! Some kids alone
by the side of the road!
581
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:13,968
Stop the car!
582
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,763
- Why? What are you going to do to them?
- Come on.
583
00:34:16,846 --> 00:34:20,808
We don't need computers,
or a fancy concert hall
584
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:23,853
or parental consent to do a clown show.
585
00:34:24,353 --> 00:34:25,855
Those kids are gonna love it.
586
00:34:25,938 --> 00:34:26,939
Let's go.
587
00:34:27,023 --> 00:34:29,317
No. No, I don't do that any more.
588
00:34:30,318 --> 00:34:32,445
The world is ours now.
589
00:34:32,862 --> 00:34:34,572
Waaah!
590
00:34:38,034 --> 00:34:41,204
[Pepe] No, Funzo, stop!
Funzo, Leave them alone!
591
00:34:41,287 --> 00:34:43,581
- Stop! Leave them alone!
- [Funzo giggling]
592
00:34:46,292 --> 00:34:49,170
So what's our schtick?
Good clown, bad clown?
593
00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:50,588
Maybe we both go bad clown,
594
00:34:50,671 --> 00:34:53,091
- fuck with their heads a bit.
- Just leave them alone, yeah?
595
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:54,175
[Funzo laughs]
596
00:34:54,258 --> 00:34:57,220
It's called Street Clowning.
Watch and learn.
597
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:03,434
Hey kids, I don't feel very well.
598
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:08,439
I think I'm gonna...
[gags]
599
00:35:09,482 --> 00:35:13,486
[fake retching]
600
00:35:13,569 --> 00:35:16,572
[gagging, retching continues]
601
00:35:20,159 --> 00:35:24,580
[coughing, panting]
602
00:35:24,664 --> 00:35:26,666
Okay.
I think I'm good.
603
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:28,876
[retching intensifies]
604
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:29,961
Halt!
605
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:36,175
Who are you to approach our younglings
at eventide, painted fool?
606
00:35:37,093 --> 00:35:38,845
Oh, we were just--
607
00:35:40,638 --> 00:35:43,099
We mean your children no harm, crone.
608
00:35:43,474 --> 00:35:48,855
We are but weary travelers seeking to
lay our master to rest.
609
00:35:49,272 --> 00:35:52,483
- You're from the townlands?
- Yes, ugly wench.
610
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:57,864
What remains of them. We
hear tell of a great doom.
611
00:35:58,489 --> 00:36:02,660
Indeed. A great darkness
has embraced our kingdom.
612
00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:04,245
[epic music playing]
613
00:36:05,288 --> 00:36:09,876
Come, the cloud fire is low.
You must be hungry.
614
00:36:12,753 --> 00:36:14,422
What in God's name is going on?
615
00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:17,925
- I think she's gonna make us a feast.
- Oh fine.
616
00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:20,803
Our survival has been hard-won.
617
00:36:22,221 --> 00:36:25,558
This fellowship relies on the
ancient wisdom of our ancestors
618
00:36:26,058 --> 00:36:28,352
- from the Before Times.
- [Jenny] Yesterday?
619
00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:31,689
Now we grow Dustroot and Gelpwort.
620
00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:34,108
Hail fellow chieftain.
621
00:36:34,901 --> 00:36:38,946
Hey, sorry about Siobhan.
She's really fucking high.
622
00:36:40,781 --> 00:36:44,327
I'm Fintan. And you must be... clowns?
623
00:36:45,286 --> 00:36:48,581
Nope, not for me.
Retired from all that bollocks.
624
00:36:48,664 --> 00:36:52,960
I studied movement myself, actually.
Come, chill with us. Stay for the night.
625
00:36:53,252 --> 00:36:55,755
Come on, Siobhan,
we'll get you a glass of water.
626
00:36:56,130 --> 00:36:57,506
[Jenny] What is this place?
627
00:36:58,090 --> 00:36:59,800
We call it Xanadu.
628
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:03,137
It's a boutique micro festival.
629
00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:06,140
Chill beats, ethical street food,
vibes for days.
630
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,893
Or at least it was before the power cut.
631
00:37:09,769 --> 00:37:11,103
Now we're castaways.
632
00:37:11,437 --> 00:37:15,650
All our Priuses are dead,
we've had to ration our food,
633
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,526
collect rainwater.
634
00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:21,781
But we still have a veritable
cornucopia of class A drugs.
635
00:37:21,864 --> 00:37:23,532
Ah, drugs, you say?
636
00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:26,661
Well, maybe this evening
doesn't need to be a total loss.
637
00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:29,747
You know, Angus Deayton
used to call me The Dyson.
638
00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:34,418
Here we are. Lodgings for the night.
639
00:37:34,502 --> 00:37:36,003
Real Himalayan vibes.
640
00:37:36,462 --> 00:37:39,215
- I hope you don't mind sharing tents.
- No, that's fine.
641
00:37:39,298 --> 00:37:40,424
How about, uh...
642
00:37:40,508 --> 00:37:42,051
me and Jenny take this one,
643
00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:45,554
and the lesser males share with Funzo.
644
00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:48,599
Sounds good.
Come on, let me show you my salt lamp.
645
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:49,809
Oi.
646
00:37:50,685 --> 00:37:52,812
Can we have a word,
mano to mano?
647
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:54,605
Eh?
648
00:37:55,856 --> 00:37:58,818
Look, we're both alpha clowns.
I get it, I get it, I get it.
649
00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:00,987
Rival silverbacks.
650
00:38:01,821 --> 00:38:04,865
Two bull walruses stinking up the beach
with our battle musk.
651
00:38:05,533 --> 00:38:08,160
But I want to save you some
embarrassment here, buddy.
652
00:38:10,037 --> 00:38:13,749
Jenny is off the menu.
653
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,796
If we are both walruses, Booboo,
654
00:38:19,255 --> 00:38:22,174
I think it's pretty clear who
the beach master is.
655
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,886
'Cause when you're
the fattest thing on the sand
656
00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:32,226
you don't have to steal anything.
It all just comes waddling towards you.
657
00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:34,937
[low growl]
658
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:37,732
[sniffs]
659
00:38:41,527 --> 00:38:43,321
[man on TV]
Governments were warned.
660
00:38:43,404 --> 00:38:47,366
...satellite communications were--
nanas, bananas-- toilet paper...
661
00:38:48,075 --> 00:38:50,202
Can you believe this thing actually works?
662
00:38:50,286 --> 00:38:52,330
Kids'll watch anything
with a screen.
663
00:38:52,413 --> 00:38:55,833
That's live?
But how is he broadcasting?
664
00:38:57,376 --> 00:38:59,587
He must have an analogue
OB transmitter or...
665
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:01,005
You have to hear me.
666
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,632
This isn't over, people.
667
00:39:03,758 --> 00:39:05,134
Christ, is that Tim?
668
00:39:05,509 --> 00:39:07,470
How did that charlatan get on the TV?
669
00:39:08,763 --> 00:39:11,891
- You know that man?
- That's Tim from Bromanz.
670
00:39:11,974 --> 00:39:14,643
He and his brother
were in a hot boy band.
671
00:39:15,144 --> 00:39:18,230
- Bromanz.
- Brothers, but also men.
672
00:39:18,314 --> 00:39:21,192
Spelled with a zed
because it was the nineties.
673
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:24,653
He moved into a fallout bunker
and became a recluse.
674
00:39:25,112 --> 00:39:28,657
We used to party with the Lighthouse
Family back in the good old days.
675
00:39:29,325 --> 00:39:30,618
You know where he lives?
676
00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:32,953
I need to meet him,
find out what he knows.
677
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:34,246
Oh, he'll never talk.
678
00:39:34,747 --> 00:39:36,999
And neither will
the Lighthouse Family.
679
00:39:37,291 --> 00:39:39,085
About the solar flare, you idiot.
680
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:41,754
Maybe he can shed some light
on what's going on.
681
00:39:41,837 --> 00:39:44,632
- He could be the key to my story.
- Maybe.
682
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,051
How come you know so
much about transmitters?
683
00:39:47,259 --> 00:39:49,220
I actually grew up in a broadcast van.
684
00:39:49,303 --> 00:39:52,098
My mother would just leave me
there for hours at a time
685
00:39:52,181 --> 00:39:54,767
with a bowl of water
and the window slightly open.
686
00:39:54,975 --> 00:39:56,310
Well then,
687
00:39:56,394 --> 00:39:58,729
I think perhaps, Jennifer,
688
00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:02,817
you and I should pay Tim
from Bromanz a little visit.
689
00:40:02,900 --> 00:40:05,986
[Tim] Sorry to tell you this.
Word has reached me from Dublin.
690
00:40:06,153 --> 00:40:07,488
It's just as I predicted.
691
00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:09,573
Society has collapsed.
692
00:40:09,907 --> 00:40:11,617
There's looting, there's killing.
693
00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:15,704
There's rioting on the streets.
People have turned against one another.
694
00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:18,791
- The government are doing nothing.
- [concerned murmuring]
695
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,168
This just in...
696
00:40:21,710 --> 00:40:23,671
Garth Brooks is dead.
697
00:40:24,171 --> 00:40:25,172
[gasps]
698
00:40:26,298 --> 00:40:27,299
Fuck.
699
00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:32,096
- Dublin has fallen!
- Oh my god, my children!
700
00:40:32,221 --> 00:40:34,598
- We have to do something!
- [overlapping chatter]
701
00:40:34,682 --> 00:40:35,766
[group quiets]
702
00:40:35,850 --> 00:40:36,976
So lads...
703
00:40:37,059 --> 00:40:38,519
If I'm being honest,
704
00:40:39,395 --> 00:40:41,647
it's hard to know what
tomorrow's gonna bring,
705
00:40:41,730 --> 00:40:43,732
but we still have tonight, right?
706
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,569
And while we might be running low on hope,
707
00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:48,028
we still have a pretty decent supply
708
00:40:48,112 --> 00:40:50,030
of some other essentials,
if you know what I mean.
709
00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:53,784
So let's all raise a glass
and let the world know
710
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:56,579
- that we're absolutely sending it tonight!
- [cheering]
711
00:40:56,662 --> 00:40:58,372
This is our boutique festival.
712
00:40:58,456 --> 00:40:59,457
Yeah!
713
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:00,708
And we're not afraid!
714
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,334
[cheering]
715
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,920
[shouts] Yes.
716
00:41:05,045 --> 00:41:06,881
Wait, wait. What's in this?
717
00:41:07,214 --> 00:41:10,259
Hard to say, but if I had to
estimate a street value
718
00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:12,678
I'd say about three, four hundred quid.
719
00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,432
[trance music speeding up]
720
00:41:19,351 --> 00:41:22,813
- [beat drops]
- [trance music intensifies]
721
00:41:34,033 --> 00:41:37,495
- [laughing]
- [music continues]
722
00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:47,630
[music thumping faintly]
723
00:41:47,713 --> 00:41:50,508
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
724
00:41:52,551 --> 00:41:54,887
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
725
00:41:55,095 --> 00:41:56,972
[DuCoque shouts suddenly]
726
00:41:57,056 --> 00:41:59,892
Bury me with dignity,
you talentless buffoon.
727
00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:05,731
I will! You'll be in Père Lachaise
with the Masters in a proper grave.
728
00:42:06,190 --> 00:42:07,691
Dug by a professional.
729
00:42:07,983 --> 00:42:10,069
You will never be a true clown.
730
00:42:11,445 --> 00:42:13,113
No.
731
00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:14,698
No!
732
00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:20,329
[quacking] No!
733
00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:22,289
[trance music resumes]
734
00:42:23,165 --> 00:42:24,458
[Jenny] Bobo!
735
00:42:30,089 --> 00:42:33,384
Oh, isn't this amazing!
736
00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:35,761
These are the best people!
737
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:37,972
Oh, look at us.
738
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:40,808
Doing what we love.
739
00:42:40,891 --> 00:42:43,352
Me, a real journalist.
740
00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,313
Following leads. Getting the story.
741
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,941
And you!
742
00:42:50,985 --> 00:42:55,739
Can you feel your thumbs? I'm really
conscious of my thumbs for some reason.
743
00:42:55,948 --> 00:42:59,535
Such a shame you're not a clown any more.
You were so good.
744
00:43:00,202 --> 00:43:01,203
Really?
745
00:43:01,328 --> 00:43:03,998
Yeah. Yeah. At the show where we met.
746
00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:07,167
- Did you like that?
- Oh my God. Oh my God.
747
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:10,296
You should do a show for all these people.
They would love it.
748
00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:14,508
It's like Funzo said,
the world is yours now.
749
00:43:15,009 --> 00:43:17,886
Alright then, I will!
I'll be a clown again.
750
00:43:18,554 --> 00:43:21,265
- I'll do a show.
- Yeah! Do you have any gum?
751
00:43:21,557 --> 00:43:22,975
[gasps, grunts]
752
00:43:23,392 --> 00:43:26,604
A show, you say? Great idea, Jennifer.
753
00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:28,022
A clown-off.
754
00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:31,275
Let's see whether Booboo has
got anything in his little book
755
00:43:31,358 --> 00:43:36,530
that can hold up under the crushing
weight of my enormous talent.
756
00:43:36,822 --> 00:43:39,950
Yeah! Yeah.
You should do the trick in your book.
757
00:43:40,159 --> 00:43:43,537
The one Alphonso said was fucking stupid.
758
00:43:46,081 --> 00:43:47,541
What, the Jugglenaut?
759
00:43:50,169 --> 00:43:51,712
[low growling]
760
00:43:53,213 --> 00:43:54,381
[Pepe sobbing]
761
00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:58,636
I am a business man.
I am a business man!
762
00:43:59,178 --> 00:44:02,848
I am a business man!
[whimpers]
763
00:44:04,350 --> 00:44:05,351
I need your help.
764
00:44:06,185 --> 00:44:07,811
[whimpering] I'm a business man.
765
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:10,731
We could never do that!
766
00:44:10,856 --> 00:44:12,608
We'd go down in flames!
767
00:44:12,691 --> 00:44:15,486
Or in history,
as true clowning legends.
768
00:44:15,944 --> 00:44:19,782
- I thought you were done with clowning.
- No, the world was done with clowning.
769
00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:23,494
It moved on to TikTok dances and
live streaming hand jobs on the dark web.
770
00:44:23,577 --> 00:44:25,871
- [Funzo] Ah!
- And none of that works now.
771
00:44:26,413 --> 00:44:29,333
Everything is obsolete except us.
772
00:44:30,167 --> 00:44:32,086
This is our moment.
Can't you see?
773
00:44:32,878 --> 00:44:36,340
This is our opportunity to
clown like the masters before us.
774
00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:41,053
Grimaldi. Gaullier
775
00:44:41,136 --> 00:44:42,888
- McDonald
- No, not McDonald.
776
00:44:42,971 --> 00:44:44,390
- DuCoque!
- DuCoque.
777
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:48,352
Okay, we're forming a troupe.
778
00:44:48,727 --> 00:44:51,230
No, we're just gonna do
this one trick and then...
779
00:44:51,313 --> 00:44:54,108
I'm reasonably confident
I don't have hepatitis any more.
780
00:44:54,191 --> 00:44:55,401
Okay, I'm not touching that.
781
00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:58,112
You don't touch it,
you spread it on your asshole.
782
00:44:58,946 --> 00:45:01,573
Will you excuse us for one second please?
783
00:45:01,740 --> 00:45:02,741
Sure.
784
00:45:03,659 --> 00:45:06,203
That clown has gone fully scary.
785
00:45:07,037 --> 00:45:09,540
And we both know there is
no coming back from that.
786
00:45:09,623 --> 00:45:12,292
So what should we call our troupe?
787
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:17,631
I know.
How about Clown-pedo?
788
00:45:18,590 --> 00:45:21,009
You know, like a torpedo of clowns?
789
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,596
Look, this is a three clown trick.
790
00:45:24,888 --> 00:45:26,640
Are you in or not?
791
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:31,687
[Alphonso]
Ladies and jellybeans,
792
00:45:31,770 --> 00:45:35,399
stamp your footsies
and wiggle your ears
793
00:45:35,482 --> 00:45:38,694
for the silliest billy around,
794
00:45:38,777 --> 00:45:42,531
The Great Alphonso!
795
00:45:42,614 --> 00:45:44,783
- [fart sound]
- Yeah! [laughter]
796
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:48,328
Hey, but where are the audience?
797
00:45:48,412 --> 00:45:49,663
Hello audience?
798
00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:51,290
Hello?
799
00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:53,208
Audience!
800
00:45:54,126 --> 00:45:56,044
Ah, I have an idea.
801
00:45:56,128 --> 00:45:58,714
[Bobo] You haven't had an
original idea in your life.
802
00:45:58,797 --> 00:46:00,841
You skit-stealing fuckpipe.
803
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,886
[Alphonso]
Ah, there you are! [laughs]
804
00:46:03,969 --> 00:46:07,347
You will never be a true clown.
805
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:11,602
Yeah, I might need to take
a rain check on this show.
806
00:46:11,685 --> 00:46:16,607
It's just, um, oh, this is not really my,
my crowd, but, um, uh, break a leg, guys.
807
00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:18,775
I am sure you're going to smash it, so...
808
00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:20,736
- [Funzo] Wait!
- [Bobo] Hey!
809
00:46:20,986 --> 00:46:23,197
We've come too far
for you to wuss out now.
810
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,366
This is our chance to
win back the woman that I love,
811
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:30,329
and have our revenge
on my nemesis, Alphonso.
812
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:34,208
So what do you say, my friends? Hm?
813
00:46:35,417 --> 00:46:38,337
Are we in this together or what?
814
00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:42,591
Yeah. I'm still gonna sit this one out.
815
00:46:42,674 --> 00:46:45,969
- [Alphonso] Say the magic words.
- [Funzo] Five second call, fellas.
816
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:48,555
I hope I don't fall in this pie!
817
00:46:50,807 --> 00:46:53,852
- It's just started.
- Yeah. But I spiked his pie.
818
00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:55,687
- With what?
- With spikes.
819
00:46:55,771 --> 00:46:57,439
[thud and Alphonso screams]
820
00:46:59,149 --> 00:47:00,817
Showtime!
821
00:47:00,901 --> 00:47:04,154
- [screaming]
- Ladies and gentlemen!
822
00:47:05,405 --> 00:47:06,698
Shut up a sec.
823
00:47:06,782 --> 00:47:10,202
- [Alphonso] Jesus Christ, my eye!
- Funzo what the bloody hell have you done?
824
00:47:10,285 --> 00:47:11,578
Help me! My beautiful eye!
825
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:16,124
- Jesus Christ.
- The ciliary muscle has been compromised!
826
00:47:16,291 --> 00:47:19,836
So what we're going to do now is a trick
I know. So hope you enjoy.
827
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,213
Pepe, hup!
828
00:47:21,797 --> 00:47:23,382
Get out of the way!
829
00:47:23,465 --> 00:47:24,633
[Bobo] Pepe, I said hup.
830
00:47:24,716 --> 00:47:27,386
He's bottled it. Time to go to Plan B.
831
00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:30,514
- Plan B? We haven't got a Plan B.
- Hi everybody!
832
00:47:30,597 --> 00:47:32,849
Who wants to die?
833
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:34,101
[all screaming]
834
00:47:34,601 --> 00:47:38,397
With laughter!
I meant to say with laughter.
835
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,941
Oh, and this was supposed to be a flower.
836
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:43,068
Uh, who likes dancing?
837
00:47:43,443 --> 00:47:45,529
Yeah. Don't go.
838
00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:50,617
♪If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands. Oi! Oi! ♪
839
00:47:50,784 --> 00:47:53,453
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
840
00:47:53,537 --> 00:47:55,289
- Put the knife down please.
- What?
841
00:47:55,372 --> 00:47:56,748
♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
842
00:47:56,832 --> 00:47:59,293
- [motorbike engine approaching]
- ♪ And you really want to show it ♪
843
00:48:03,505 --> 00:48:05,465
[Alan] Oh, Funzo!
844
00:48:07,342 --> 00:48:09,011
[cackling]
845
00:48:10,470 --> 00:48:13,348
Rain hell!
846
00:48:13,432 --> 00:48:14,474
Run!
847
00:48:16,810 --> 00:48:18,937
[overlapping shouting]
848
00:48:19,938 --> 00:48:21,523
[dramatic music playing]
849
00:48:30,198 --> 00:48:34,870
- [high pitched ringing]
- [muffled screaming]
850
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:43,712
Jenny!
851
00:48:43,795 --> 00:48:45,339
[Jenny screams]
852
00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:06,985
[screams]
853
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:09,321
Good morning, lazybones.
854
00:49:09,988 --> 00:49:12,074
- What happened? Where are we going?
- Paris.
855
00:49:12,157 --> 00:49:14,326
We're going to steal a yacht
and take DuCoque home.
856
00:49:14,409 --> 00:49:16,495
What?
No, no, we have to go after Jenny.
857
00:49:16,745 --> 00:49:18,121
Why would we do that?
858
00:49:18,205 --> 00:49:20,707
Because Alphonso kidnapped her,
you turquoise dick.
859
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:22,125
- Now turn around!
- No! Stop!
860
00:49:22,209 --> 00:49:24,711
- You're gonna get us killed.
- No, you're gonna get us killed.
861
00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:27,464
No, I'm going to get us killed.
Yeah!
862
00:49:29,216 --> 00:49:31,259
- [Pepe] Let women drive!
- [all screaming]
863
00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:33,804
[overlapping shouting]
864
00:49:33,887 --> 00:49:34,888
[Pepe] Oh shit.
865
00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:40,644
Oh, fantastic.
866
00:49:42,187 --> 00:49:44,022
Well, looks like we're walking.
867
00:49:44,690 --> 00:49:48,068
- They can't have gone far.
- No, we can't just leave Monsieur here.
868
00:49:48,652 --> 00:49:50,278
Uh, we can, and we should
869
00:49:50,362 --> 00:49:52,823
because he's starting
to smell like a chef's ass.
870
00:49:53,573 --> 00:49:54,991
Right. Which way's North?
871
00:49:55,492 --> 00:49:57,619
I think you're supposed to follow the sun.
872
00:49:58,453 --> 00:50:01,331
And are we following the sun
or are we following your dick?
873
00:50:01,998 --> 00:50:06,628
Jenny is in danger and I need to rescue
her from that fat nonce.
874
00:50:07,170 --> 00:50:09,381
Do you though?
I mean they looked pretty cozy
875
00:50:09,464 --> 00:50:11,633
on the back of that
emotional support horse.
876
00:50:12,759 --> 00:50:15,721
Right. You two can either
come with me and be heroes,
877
00:50:16,555 --> 00:50:19,182
or you can starve out here
and end up like your hero.
878
00:50:23,061 --> 00:50:25,856
- Fine. We'll follow the sun.
- Hmm.
879
00:50:25,939 --> 00:50:28,900
but when we reach it,
I am coming back for DuCoque.
880
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:37,409
[Funzo]
This is just troupe banter, right?
881
00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:39,494
We'd never split up, right?
882
00:50:40,787 --> 00:50:43,874
Nah. Clown-pedo is 'til death.
883
00:50:46,501 --> 00:50:47,753
Wait for me!
884
00:50:48,378 --> 00:50:50,589
- [dramatic music playing]
- [Alphonso] Hyah!
885
00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:54,134
Onward trusty steed and away!
886
00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:57,763
[knocker bangs]
887
00:50:58,388 --> 00:51:04,311
Yes, me and Tim from Bromanz used to
stagger back here drunk once a fortnight.
888
00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:08,064
God, I know this old place
like the back of his head.
889
00:51:08,148 --> 00:51:09,232
[chuckles]
890
00:51:11,902 --> 00:51:14,488
How are you so perky?
Didn't you lose an eye?
891
00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:17,491
I took a handful of these.
892
00:51:17,574 --> 00:51:19,451
I don't know exactly what they are,
893
00:51:19,534 --> 00:51:22,621
but they're actually making me
prefer having just the one eye.
894
00:51:22,913 --> 00:51:23,997
[door creaks open]
895
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:27,626
Tim from Bromanz,
as I live and breathe.
896
00:51:27,709 --> 00:51:30,462
You won't be doing either for long
if you don't identify yourself.
897
00:51:30,545 --> 00:51:35,550
Tim it's me, Alphonso. Fonzie Bear.
The Fondler.
898
00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:40,514
- Al? I haven't seen you since...
- [both] The after party.
899
00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:43,850
Who's your friend?
900
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:48,230
Jenny Malone. Viral Load Media.
I'm a journalist.
901
00:51:48,313 --> 00:51:50,273
Wasn't there that evening.
I left before nine.
902
00:51:50,357 --> 00:51:53,193
I swear to God, there was nothing
going on that I knew about anyway.
903
00:51:53,276 --> 00:51:55,153
Tim, it's not about that.
904
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:59,032
Jennifer here has got a theory
about what's happened to the world
905
00:51:59,491 --> 00:52:01,952
and we think you could help us.
906
00:52:02,035 --> 00:52:04,746
- [dog barks]
- Oh, hello?
907
00:52:05,038 --> 00:52:06,665
Oh, hello doggy.
908
00:52:07,332 --> 00:52:09,876
Hello. You're so cute.
Yes you are.
909
00:52:11,336 --> 00:52:13,380
- Can we come in?
- Uh...
910
00:52:13,463 --> 00:52:15,507
Sure that's a yes.
Thank you.
911
00:52:16,132 --> 00:52:17,425
[Alphonso growls]
912
00:52:19,886 --> 00:52:20,887
Shakira.
913
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:22,681
Come on.
914
00:52:26,268 --> 00:52:29,813
Poor thing's very sick.
Got her on heavy sedatives.
915
00:52:30,730 --> 00:52:35,235
She's been with me through it all.
The fame, the fall.
916
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:40,282
Years of people
calling me a tinfoil hat wanker.
917
00:52:41,241 --> 00:52:43,326
- She's all I've got now.
- [Alphonso laughs]
918
00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:45,579
Ah, Rolf!
919
00:52:46,955 --> 00:52:51,751
Dreadful pervert, of course.
But by God could that man draw a kangaroo.
920
00:52:51,918 --> 00:52:54,129
- [dog barks]
- [Tim] Good girl, Shakira.
921
00:52:54,629 --> 00:52:58,133
- We saw your broadcast.
- I didn't think it was reaching anyone.
922
00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:01,261
- I know what's happening. It's a--
- Solar flare.
923
00:53:02,220 --> 00:53:04,556
- Exactly.
- [Alphonso laughs]
924
00:53:04,931 --> 00:53:06,683
Good old Flex!
925
00:53:06,766 --> 00:53:09,227
You know I was friends
with all of the Gladiators.
926
00:53:09,311 --> 00:53:11,813
Yes. All except for Pegasus.
927
00:53:12,439 --> 00:53:16,860
Let's just say I plowed his wife
and uh, we'll leave it at that.
928
00:53:17,277 --> 00:53:19,446
Traitors, the bloody lot of them.
929
00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:23,950
How are we not prepared for this?
The government must have known.
930
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,035
Of course they knew.
931
00:53:25,410 --> 00:53:28,496
They've known for years.
They wanted this to happen.
932
00:53:29,998 --> 00:53:31,124
All of this...
933
00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:33,460
this is only the beginning.
934
00:53:34,753 --> 00:53:38,298
What I'm about to tell you goes deeper
than you could possibly imagine.
935
00:53:39,299 --> 00:53:42,260
But before I start...
936
00:53:42,344 --> 00:53:44,554
does anyone want tea?
937
00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:48,934
Milk?
938
00:53:50,477 --> 00:53:53,271
It's UHT Milk.
Is that okay?
939
00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:57,317
Sugar.
One? Two?
940
00:53:58,151 --> 00:54:00,862
One for you. Two for you.
Both with milk.
941
00:54:00,946 --> 00:54:02,948
Do you know what?
I'll just put everything on a tray,
942
00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:05,533
and bring it out.
You can make your own.
943
00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:21,758
[Pepe] It goes on and on.
944
00:54:22,550 --> 00:54:25,428
I can't take much more of this.
I'm so hungry.
945
00:54:26,554 --> 00:54:28,473
Why aren't there any bistros?
946
00:54:29,474 --> 00:54:30,558
[Bobo] I give up.
947
00:54:35,188 --> 00:54:36,439
Jenny doesn't love me.
948
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:38,775
She was on ecstasy.
949
00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:42,445
What the hell was I thinking?
950
00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:47,492
[Funzo gasps]
951
00:54:48,535 --> 00:54:54,249
Hey. I know things look really bleak
right now, but that's just because
952
00:54:54,332 --> 00:54:56,167
things are really bleak right now.
953
00:55:00,422 --> 00:55:01,923
It's time to face facts.
954
00:55:03,508 --> 00:55:04,718
I'm a terrible clown.
955
00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,348
Yeah, yeah, you are.
956
00:55:12,809 --> 00:55:14,310
Oh, like you're any better?
957
00:55:14,394 --> 00:55:15,520
What good is all that training
958
00:55:15,603 --> 00:55:17,605
if you can't get on stage
without browning your trousers?
959
00:55:18,023 --> 00:55:20,817
Lots of great artists
struggled in their early years.
960
00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:21,901
Early years?
961
00:55:22,027 --> 00:55:24,070
How long you gonna
be chasing this dream?
962
00:55:24,154 --> 00:55:26,448
Ten years. I'm going to chase
the dream for ten years and then,
963
00:55:26,531 --> 00:55:29,242
- I'm just gonna live the dream.
- Oh, cool. Didn't realize you had a plan.
964
00:55:29,325 --> 00:55:30,827
- Yep.
- That changes everything.
965
00:55:30,910 --> 00:55:33,121
It does, doesn't it?
Just stick to your plan,
966
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,081
believe in yourself,
and never give up.
967
00:55:37,333 --> 00:55:39,461
That's what all the great clowns did.
968
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:42,505
I mean, sure, there's...
969
00:55:43,131 --> 00:55:47,302
millions of deluded people out there who
believe in themselves and should give up.
970
00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:50,930
But I'm not one of them.
971
00:55:52,849 --> 00:55:54,350
I'm in that first category.
972
00:55:55,226 --> 00:55:58,438
That's something I've always
known deep in my heart.
973
00:56:01,733 --> 00:56:04,152
And your heart can't be wrong, can it?
974
00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:16,206
Oh, fuck.
975
00:56:19,751 --> 00:56:20,794
[Funzo gasps]
976
00:56:20,877 --> 00:56:24,380
Hey, put that back on! You are a
DuCoque-trained buffoon!
977
00:56:25,757 --> 00:56:26,758
I'm not.
978
00:56:28,134 --> 00:56:32,305
I trained under him for three minutes
and I was so bad that he died.
979
00:56:32,847 --> 00:56:35,475
But you're such a pretentious wanker.
980
00:56:36,101 --> 00:56:38,520
- I'm self-taught.
- [Funzo] It doesn't matter.
981
00:56:38,603 --> 00:56:40,688
We're not giving up.
We're a troupe.
982
00:56:42,023 --> 00:56:43,024
Aren't we?
983
00:56:44,442 --> 00:56:45,777
This is our time.
984
00:56:45,860 --> 00:56:47,112
You said it yourself.
985
00:56:47,612 --> 00:56:49,197
This isn't our time.
986
00:56:50,198 --> 00:56:53,159
I only said that cause I needed
your help to impress Jenny.
987
00:56:54,452 --> 00:56:56,037
The world doesn't need us.
988
00:56:57,247 --> 00:56:58,748
It never needed us.
989
00:56:58,832 --> 00:57:02,377
It would be better for everyone if we all
just sit down and quietly die.
990
00:57:02,460 --> 00:57:03,920
We are not all going to die.
991
00:57:04,045 --> 00:57:06,548
One of us will die
and the other two will eat him.
992
00:57:06,631 --> 00:57:07,799
That's you, Pepe.
993
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:11,344
Oh, there she is.
Welcome back, It.
994
00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:14,472
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on Funzo.
995
00:57:14,556 --> 00:57:16,266
We all know what you are.
996
00:57:16,349 --> 00:57:18,852
- Don't you say the S word.
- [mocking] Oh, don't say the S word.
997
00:57:18,935 --> 00:57:22,439
What else would you call a clown
who asks children if they want to die?
998
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:26,734
- A trailblazer who lives on the edge?
- You live in a sewer.
999
00:57:26,818 --> 00:57:28,361
Where else was I gonna go, huh?
1000
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,905
Back to the sanitarium?
I don't think so.
1001
00:57:30,989 --> 00:57:33,908
Are you even listening to yourself?
You are a walking Halloween costume.
1002
00:57:33,992 --> 00:57:36,578
You are what children check for
under their bed at night.
1003
00:57:36,661 --> 00:57:39,998
- Don't do it, Pepe.
- No! She needs to know.
1004
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:45,128
Funzo. You are a scary clown.
1005
00:57:45,211 --> 00:57:49,799
- [ominous music playing]
- I'm not a fucking scary clown.
1006
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:54,262
Yes you are, but you don't scare me
you little bastard.
1007
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:56,764
Then lets settle this the clown way.
1008
00:57:58,683 --> 00:58:00,935
Last one to die wins.
1009
00:58:01,478 --> 00:58:03,813
- Since when is that the clown way?
- Calm down.
1010
00:58:03,897 --> 00:58:06,024
I'm going to wear your skin as a cape.
1011
00:58:06,608 --> 00:58:10,695
Set the table, Bobo. Tonight we feast on
wussy-wussy puss-puss.
1012
00:58:10,778 --> 00:58:12,447
- [grunts]
- [knife penetrates]
1013
00:58:14,199 --> 00:58:15,492
[Funzo gasps]
1014
00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:25,168
My God, I am a scary clown.
1015
00:58:25,460 --> 00:58:30,215
I'm really glad you had a breakthrough,
but there's a fucking knife in my hand.
1016
00:58:30,340 --> 00:58:33,259
- Do I push or pull? Push or pull?
- Pull, obviously.
1017
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:35,428
[all screaming]
1018
00:58:39,432 --> 00:58:40,475
[thud]
1019
00:58:40,558 --> 00:58:44,812
Hey, that car looks just
like yours, what are the chances?
1020
00:58:45,271 --> 00:58:47,190
Oh fuck off.
1021
00:58:47,273 --> 00:58:48,858
[foreboding music playing]
1022
00:58:49,025 --> 00:58:51,069
[no audible dialogue]
1023
00:59:11,589 --> 00:59:13,758
- [music continues]
- [no audible dialogue]
1024
00:59:14,968 --> 00:59:18,846
Now that we're on our knees, they
can roll out whatever protocols
1025
00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:21,683
they want with zero resistance.
1026
00:59:22,183 --> 00:59:23,977
- We're like ducks...
- [dog whimpers]
1027
00:59:24,227 --> 00:59:25,395
...in a vice.
1028
00:59:26,729 --> 00:59:27,855
Quack.
1029
00:59:28,439 --> 00:59:30,650
It's all so obvious.
1030
00:59:31,067 --> 00:59:33,111
They're gonna let society eat itself.
1031
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:36,656
We need to get this information
out there before it's too late.
1032
00:59:37,031 --> 00:59:40,994
I've been trying, but my transmitter
won't reach more than 20 to 30 miles.
1033
00:59:41,077 --> 00:59:44,831
So we need a mast,
like 50 or 60 feet high.
1034
00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:47,667
We could bring the truth
to the whole country.
1035
00:59:48,334 --> 00:59:51,504
I have a pretty big one,
and as it happens it's still erect.
1036
00:59:52,046 --> 00:59:53,548
It's in here somewhere.
1037
00:59:56,259 --> 00:59:59,178
This is my big top.
1038
00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:02,932
Now it hasn't been used in years,
but the main mast is still standing,
1039
01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,559
proud and tall.
1040
01:00:04,892 --> 01:00:06,269
Like a penis.
1041
01:00:06,936 --> 01:00:08,396
This is perfect, Tim.
1042
01:00:08,688 --> 01:00:11,441
I rig your transmitter to this
mast and then you and me
1043
01:00:11,524 --> 01:00:13,651
could present an emergency report.
1044
01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:14,944
We could save lives.
1045
01:00:15,361 --> 01:00:17,905
No, no, no.
1046
01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:19,657
Shakira is very sick.
1047
01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:22,869
I can't leave her.
She's an indoor dog.
1048
01:00:23,953 --> 01:00:26,956
She hasn't left here in 15 years,
and neither have I.
1049
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:29,292
Tim, I need you to be brave.
1050
01:00:30,126 --> 01:00:31,878
The people need you.
1051
01:00:31,961 --> 01:00:34,922
Just like your brother needed
an identical version of hims--
1052
01:00:35,006 --> 01:00:36,174
My brother is dead.
1053
01:00:37,759 --> 01:00:40,887
I'm sorry, I'm just not up for this.
1054
01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:44,766
If not for us, Tim,
then do it for Shakira.
1055
01:00:45,975 --> 01:00:49,771
Look into her eyes and tell me
you don't want this bitch to live
1056
01:00:49,854 --> 01:00:51,898
in a world that knows the truth.
1057
01:00:56,527 --> 01:00:57,528
I'll do it.
1058
01:01:00,490 --> 01:01:03,660
Can't find my driving gloves.
Gonna have to borrow yours, Jenny.
1059
01:01:04,661 --> 01:01:07,997
Jenny? Jenny? Jenny.
1060
01:01:08,081 --> 01:01:11,042
- Do you think it's safe for you to drive?
- Oh, buckle up, you painted ham.
1061
01:01:11,125 --> 01:01:13,044
I've driven bigger rigs than this.
1062
01:01:13,127 --> 01:01:14,128
God help us.
1063
01:01:14,420 --> 01:01:16,631
- [dog yelps]
- [Jenny shrieks]
1064
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:20,551
- [engine idling]
- [crows cawing]
1065
01:01:21,594 --> 01:01:24,263
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Go, go, go, go.
1066
01:01:24,347 --> 01:01:25,807
[both screaming]
1067
01:01:32,271 --> 01:01:36,192
No! Shakira...
No!
1068
01:01:39,612 --> 01:01:41,280
[Funzo] It was my sixth birthday.
1069
01:01:42,615 --> 01:01:46,327
Me and my two best friends snuck
into the circus and saw the clowns.
1070
01:01:47,286 --> 01:01:50,707
After that, all we wanted to do
was be like them.
1071
01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:56,796
We even formed a troupe, the Superfriends.
1072
01:01:59,590 --> 01:02:00,883
It wasn't my fault.
1073
01:02:02,719 --> 01:02:03,803
[Funzo cries]
1074
01:02:07,515 --> 01:02:08,516
What did you do?
1075
01:02:10,518 --> 01:02:12,520
I misread the label.
1076
01:02:13,187 --> 01:02:16,566
I thought I was dousing them
in laughter fluid.
1077
01:02:22,196 --> 01:02:24,782
I couldn't handle what I'd done,
1078
01:02:25,616 --> 01:02:28,202
so I created someone who could.
1079
01:02:29,162 --> 01:02:34,208
I called her... Funzo.
1080
01:02:39,213 --> 01:02:42,049
If I take this off,
I don't know who I'll be.
1081
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,303
Who were you before?
1082
01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:49,515
Ja...
1083
01:02:50,808 --> 01:02:52,143
Jan...
1084
01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:56,856
Janet.
1085
01:02:58,524 --> 01:02:59,984
My name was Janet.
1086
01:03:02,069 --> 01:03:04,113
Well then you'll be Janet. Yeah.
1087
01:03:04,405 --> 01:03:05,698
- That's okay?
- It's okay.
1088
01:03:05,782 --> 01:03:07,325
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
1089
01:03:07,408 --> 01:03:10,036
- Yeah. You'll be Janet.
- Yeah, Janet. Yeah.
1090
01:03:10,328 --> 01:03:12,789
- And I guess I'll be Ken.
- Ken.
1091
01:03:13,414 --> 01:03:15,208
And I'll be Jean-Luc.
1092
01:03:21,214 --> 01:03:22,215
Really?
1093
01:03:22,298 --> 01:03:23,424
- Jean-Luc?
- Yeah.
1094
01:03:23,508 --> 01:03:25,134
- That's your name?
- Jean-Luc.
1095
01:03:26,594 --> 01:03:28,179
Why would I say it if I...
1096
01:03:28,721 --> 01:03:33,309
It's no problem if it is. It's just,
Jean-Luc. Really? Come on.
1097
01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:38,606
All right. Dean.
My actual name is Dean.
1098
01:03:38,689 --> 01:03:42,151
- Okay.
- That's more believable. Yeah.
1099
01:03:52,870 --> 01:03:55,081
[screaming]
1100
01:04:07,301 --> 01:04:10,555
- Janet.
- Dean.
1101
01:04:11,556 --> 01:04:12,682
Ken.
1102
01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:14,809
Hello, my name is Janet.
1103
01:04:15,101 --> 01:04:17,478
- Hello, I'm Dean.
- Afternoon, I'm Ken.
1104
01:04:18,354 --> 01:04:20,773
Welcome.
Thanks for having me.
1105
01:04:21,357 --> 01:04:24,235
- Janet, Ken, Dean.
- Hello, my name is Dean.
1106
01:04:24,318 --> 01:04:27,405
- Is this blouse unisex, or...
- Hello, my name is Janet
1107
01:04:27,488 --> 01:04:29,365
and I'd like one plate of meat please.
1108
01:04:29,532 --> 01:04:34,078
Hello, I'm Ken and I'm interested in
purchasing a secondhand microwave.
1109
01:04:34,412 --> 01:04:37,707
I'm Janet, your new neighbor.
I just moved in beneath your house.
1110
01:04:37,832 --> 01:04:41,168
Hello. I have a voucher for a couple's
massage, and my name is Dean.
1111
01:04:42,420 --> 01:04:44,046
No, it's just me. Can I go twice?
1112
01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:47,675
Hey, my name's Ken and I'm
your mum's new boyfriend.
1113
01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:52,096
- [Alphonso] Et voilà.
- [Jenny] Wow. It's bigger than I thought.
1114
01:04:52,179 --> 01:04:54,557
I bet you never had a
woman tell you that before.
1115
01:04:54,974 --> 01:04:58,519
[Alphonso] Well actually, my prostate
doctor is female, so... [chuckles]
1116
01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:00,605
Dr. Susan Wang.
1117
01:05:03,232 --> 01:05:08,154
- Welcome to my humble home. [laughs]
- Lovely.
1118
01:05:09,113 --> 01:05:10,573
[uneasy music playing]
1119
01:05:12,992 --> 01:05:15,036
[whispering and scurrying sounds]
1120
01:05:15,786 --> 01:05:16,787
Did you...
1121
01:05:25,504 --> 01:05:27,214
[hushed voices] What was that?
1122
01:05:31,552 --> 01:05:34,597
- Let's get back to the car.
- Don't worry. I speak child.
1123
01:05:35,264 --> 01:05:38,392
So, which one of you little
scamps is the leader then?
1124
01:05:39,101 --> 01:05:40,645
What's it to you, Granddad?
1125
01:05:41,646 --> 01:05:42,647
Him?
1126
01:05:43,606 --> 01:05:45,358
Looks like a bed wetter to me.
1127
01:05:46,108 --> 01:05:48,486
You wouldn't all follow a bed
wetter, would you?
1128
01:05:48,569 --> 01:05:49,987
I'm not a bed wetter.
1129
01:05:50,071 --> 01:05:54,158
Sorry, I can't hear you over
the overwhelming stench of piss.
1130
01:05:54,241 --> 01:05:55,993
[water squirts]
1131
01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:57,995
[Alphonso and children laugh]
1132
01:06:00,331 --> 01:06:04,460
So which of the rest of you think that
you could help run Alphonso Land, hmm?
1133
01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:06,796
Too scrawny.
1134
01:06:07,213 --> 01:06:09,674
Too ginger. A girl.
1135
01:06:10,299 --> 01:06:13,761
Oh well.
I suppose the leader has to be me.
1136
01:06:13,844 --> 01:06:15,304
[children cheer]
1137
01:06:16,889 --> 01:06:19,100
[Alphonso over speakers]
Ignore your parents.
1138
01:06:19,183 --> 01:06:20,893
Forget the wrath of grown-ups.
1139
01:06:20,977 --> 01:06:25,398
No rules, no homework, no bedtime.
1140
01:06:25,564 --> 01:06:28,943
Welcome to Alphonso Land!
1141
01:06:29,026 --> 01:06:30,778
[cackles]
1142
01:06:36,575 --> 01:06:38,661
How's this for camera-ready, Mum?
1143
01:06:39,286 --> 01:06:41,372
Who's not going to amount to anything now?
1144
01:06:42,164 --> 01:06:43,165
You dead bitch.
1145
01:06:44,375 --> 01:06:45,668
Oh, there you are, miss.
1146
01:06:45,751 --> 01:06:47,545
Need you on set in five.
1147
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:48,921
What is this?
1148
01:06:56,387 --> 01:06:57,930
Okay, listen up guys.
1149
01:06:58,139 --> 01:07:02,268
We need to be ready to shoot in five.
It's not ideal but it is what it is.
1150
01:07:02,351 --> 01:07:03,769
First up...
1151
01:07:08,274 --> 01:07:11,318
Jennifer, that's not the outfit
I picked out for you.
1152
01:07:11,861 --> 01:07:14,238
A spangly leotard didn't really
seem appropriate
1153
01:07:14,321 --> 01:07:16,449
for breaking the biggest
news story in the world.
1154
01:07:16,532 --> 01:07:19,785
It is however, the perfect attire
for the glamorous assistant
1155
01:07:20,077 --> 01:07:21,871
for the only clown on television.
1156
01:07:22,955 --> 01:07:26,459
- What?
- This weekend was to be my big comeback.
1157
01:07:26,542 --> 01:07:30,880
I see no reason why that should change
just because the world as we know it has.
1158
01:07:31,672 --> 01:07:33,591
Didn't you listen to Tim from Bromanz?
1159
01:07:33,674 --> 01:07:35,801
This is urgent.
We have to tell the world.
1160
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:39,638
Jennifer, we've been handed
a golden opportunity here.
1161
01:07:40,639 --> 01:07:43,893
So we have the biggest broadcasting
facility in the country
1162
01:07:43,976 --> 01:07:46,520
and we're gonna use it
to put out a clown show?
1163
01:07:46,604 --> 01:07:49,065
Finally, we're on the same page.
1164
01:07:49,648 --> 01:07:51,108
Oh, this is stupid.
1165
01:07:51,776 --> 01:07:55,571
Okay, kids, I have an important
message to get out to the world.
1166
01:07:55,654 --> 01:07:56,947
Turn the camera over here.
1167
01:07:57,031 --> 01:08:00,326
[scoffs] Put her in the tiger cage.
1168
01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:05,081
Have you lost your mind?
We're in the middle of a global calamity.
1169
01:08:05,164 --> 01:08:09,335
This is Y2K times 2K, and I'm the
only one who knows what's going on.
1170
01:08:09,418 --> 01:08:10,961
You have to let me tell people.
1171
01:08:14,882 --> 01:08:17,635
No, no, no. You can't do this.
This is my big story.
1172
01:08:17,968 --> 01:08:20,012
My mother doesn't get to win again.
1173
01:08:20,096 --> 01:08:22,598
How is she still winning?
We put her in the ground.
1174
01:08:22,681 --> 01:08:24,767
There's still a way out of this, Jennifer.
1175
01:08:24,850 --> 01:08:27,394
Just be my Debbie McGee.
1176
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:29,188
Aww.
1177
01:08:29,313 --> 01:08:31,357
What in God's name are you
trying to achieve here?
1178
01:08:32,274 --> 01:08:34,360
I'll be the only game in town, Jennifer.
1179
01:08:34,610 --> 01:08:38,197
I was canceled once before.
I lost my TV show.
1180
01:08:38,572 --> 01:08:41,951
My celebrity friends, my
regular table at Stringfellows.
1181
01:08:42,409 --> 01:08:44,912
Well, I'll not let them do it to me again.
1182
01:08:45,329 --> 01:08:47,248
I'm going to create an army here.
1183
01:08:47,414 --> 01:08:51,961
Loyal fans who will fight to keep me on
the air with their dying breaths,
1184
01:08:52,044 --> 01:08:55,714
and I will be revenged on everyone
that betrayed me!
1185
01:08:56,048 --> 01:08:58,259
[children chanting]
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1186
01:08:59,051 --> 01:09:02,054
Oh look. They're calling my name.
1187
01:09:02,429 --> 01:09:04,890
[joins chanting]
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1188
01:09:13,440 --> 01:09:14,483
[Bobo] Bye bye, Bobo.
1189
01:09:17,820 --> 01:09:19,196
[operatic music playing]
1190
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:23,367
Boys and girls! Ladies and gentlemen!
1191
01:09:23,450 --> 01:09:24,702
That's the guy!
1192
01:09:24,785 --> 01:09:25,828
I'm back!
1193
01:09:29,373 --> 01:09:31,876
- [music continues]
- [audio muted]
1194
01:09:34,378 --> 01:09:36,338
[no audible dialogue]
1195
01:10:04,366 --> 01:10:06,911
What are you doing? This isn't Paris.
1196
01:10:07,119 --> 01:10:09,580
Let's him go, Dean.
Let him go.
1197
01:10:10,247 --> 01:10:12,041
He is with Satan now.
1198
01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:15,878
- [glitching]
- [laughing]
1199
01:10:32,102 --> 01:10:34,980
I feel like I've swallowed a load of dirt.
1200
01:10:35,356 --> 01:10:38,984
You have. You were snoring.
It was the only way to shut you up.
1201
01:10:40,027 --> 01:10:42,863
[coughing, spluttering]
I need a bloody drink.
1202
01:10:42,988 --> 01:10:46,075
Well, Ken, it seems to
me we have two options.
1203
01:10:46,617 --> 01:10:50,079
Either we drink our own piss or...
1204
01:10:50,162 --> 01:10:52,539
we drink each other's.
1205
01:11:02,174 --> 01:11:05,594
Come on, give me just a drop
you miserable bitch.
1206
01:11:05,678 --> 01:11:10,349
Not in my... I've got a
bloody open mouth here.
1207
01:11:10,432 --> 01:11:13,477
[gulping]
1208
01:11:15,938 --> 01:11:17,606
So this is a sex thing?
1209
01:11:18,148 --> 01:11:22,611
No. We're just having...
Actually, let's go with sex thing.
1210
01:11:23,195 --> 01:11:24,530
Mildly less embarrassing.
1211
01:11:25,030 --> 01:11:29,076
We used to be clowns, but my
name's Janet now, and I'm a person.
1212
01:11:30,077 --> 01:11:32,830
Well, as it happens, I'm
on the trail of a clown.
1213
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:36,208
I don't suppose you've heard of
The Great Alphonso?
1214
01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:40,004
That hack. Nope, never heard of him.
Wasn't a fan.
1215
01:11:40,170 --> 01:11:42,464
He killed my dog,
stole my life's work.
1216
01:11:43,465 --> 01:11:46,385
- Him and his clueless journalist friend.
- What?
1217
01:11:46,468 --> 01:11:48,846
Now she's broadcasting
a clown show from his big top
1218
01:11:48,929 --> 01:11:51,724
with my transmitter.
Took everything from me.
1219
01:11:52,808 --> 01:11:55,311
Swear to God, when I find her...
What's that smell?
1220
01:11:56,353 --> 01:11:57,354
It's nothing.
1221
01:11:57,563 --> 01:11:59,064
This doesn't make sense.
1222
01:11:59,815 --> 01:12:03,402
Jenny hates clowns...
unless she's on drugs.
1223
01:12:04,653 --> 01:12:07,823
Alphonso must have taken her hostage
and given her drugs.
1224
01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:09,575
Jesus Christ. Not this again.
1225
01:12:09,658 --> 01:12:12,119
No, no, no. Fuck it.
I know where they are.
1226
01:12:13,287 --> 01:12:15,539
Bobo couldn't save the woman he loves.
1227
01:12:16,749 --> 01:12:18,625
But maybe Ken can.
1228
01:12:20,961 --> 01:12:22,171
I'm coming with you.
1229
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:25,049
[Funzo]
Then we're coming too!
1230
01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:27,634
- I'm not sure we're all going to fit.
- Fine, go on.
1231
01:12:27,718 --> 01:12:28,719
Let's ride.
1232
01:12:36,352 --> 01:12:39,021
[Tim] So where are your clothes?
1233
01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:41,607
[Pepe] Ah, we burned them
as a symbolic gesture,
1234
01:12:41,690 --> 01:12:44,068
which in retrospect
was entirely unnecessary.
1235
01:12:44,401 --> 01:12:46,487
[Bobo] We can't save Jenny in our pants.
1236
01:12:46,570 --> 01:12:50,324
We're gonna have to steal some clothes
or we'll look ridiculous.
1237
01:12:52,910 --> 01:12:53,911
[Jenny screaming]
1238
01:12:55,871 --> 01:12:56,872
It's Jenny.
1239
01:12:57,289 --> 01:13:01,085
Right, I'm gonna need you guys
to create a diversion. Okay?
1240
01:13:01,460 --> 01:13:02,836
I've got this flare.
1241
01:13:03,837 --> 01:13:05,756
Keep away from children.
1242
01:13:06,507 --> 01:13:08,926
Why does everyone keep saying this to me?
1243
01:13:09,218 --> 01:13:10,552
Okay, what's the plan?
1244
01:13:11,053 --> 01:13:15,974
Okay, I'm gonna commando roll across
that field, crawl for a bit,
1245
01:13:16,058 --> 01:13:17,643
parkour my way over the fence
1246
01:13:17,726 --> 01:13:19,978
and take out
the first kid with one of these.
1247
01:13:20,062 --> 01:13:22,481
[karate noises]
1248
01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:27,027
And I'll say, "tough break."
1249
01:13:27,986 --> 01:13:31,698
The second kid will come at me from
behind, and I'll give him one of these.
1250
01:13:31,782 --> 01:13:34,034
[grunting]
Ah, wanker!
1251
01:13:34,118 --> 01:13:35,577
And I'll say, um...
1252
01:13:37,830 --> 01:13:40,374
I won't say anything there.
I'll keep it stealthy.
1253
01:13:40,874 --> 01:13:43,085
So at that point,
it's just those two kids
1254
01:13:43,168 --> 01:13:45,796
standing between me
and a happy ever after.
1255
01:13:45,879 --> 01:13:49,883
So I'll jump up, grab the door frame
and give 'em a double kick. Ya! Ya!
1256
01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:53,720
I'll say "two's company,"
or "twice to meet you."
1257
01:13:54,638 --> 01:13:55,639
Everyone got it?
1258
01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:57,891
Yeah.
1259
01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:02,187
Oh, by the way,
if I don't make it out there,
1260
01:14:03,272 --> 01:14:06,525
tell the world I died with dignity.
1261
01:14:06,900 --> 01:14:07,985
You want us to lie.
1262
01:14:08,444 --> 01:14:11,155
No, just imply I was wearing trousers.
1263
01:14:12,573 --> 01:14:13,574
Okay.
1264
01:14:13,657 --> 01:14:15,325
[deep inhale]
1265
01:14:23,167 --> 01:14:24,918
[Funzo shouting]
Hey, Ken!
1266
01:14:25,002 --> 01:14:27,588
What's a diversion?
1267
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:36,472
Well, well, well, looks like you've
made some new friends, Tim.
1268
01:14:37,181 --> 01:14:38,390
We're here for the girl.
1269
01:14:39,516 --> 01:14:42,102
Let the girl go and
no harm will come to you.
1270
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:43,437
She's just a girl.
1271
01:14:43,604 --> 01:14:45,814
I'm 35, you dick.
1272
01:14:45,898 --> 01:14:48,692
I kept your secret, Alphonso.
You didn't have to kill my dog.
1273
01:14:48,775 --> 01:14:50,068
[Jenny] What secret?
1274
01:14:50,611 --> 01:14:52,821
I'm sorry about your dog,
by the way,
1275
01:14:52,905 --> 01:14:55,866
but I do wanna get clarity,
though, on that secret.
1276
01:14:55,949 --> 01:14:57,034
The gunge tank.
1277
01:14:59,453 --> 01:15:02,539
It was the after party of series
three of Alphonso's Fun Club.
1278
01:15:02,915 --> 01:15:05,167
It wasn't an accident.
I saw him do it.
1279
01:15:05,709 --> 01:15:08,003
My brother was taking
the piss out of the show.
1280
01:15:08,086 --> 01:15:09,546
He was making jokes about it.
1281
01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:12,883
He called it Al-fuckso's Bum Club.
1282
01:15:12,966 --> 01:15:14,134
[boy snickers]
1283
01:15:15,177 --> 01:15:17,930
So Alphonso drowned him in gunge,
1284
01:15:19,056 --> 01:15:22,267
and he threatened to do the same
to me if I ever told anyone.
1285
01:15:22,518 --> 01:15:26,730
Well, sadly for you, Tim,
it looks like you just have.
1286
01:15:27,022 --> 01:15:30,609
Bedwetter, Ginger Twat!
Throw the others in with Jennifer.
1287
01:15:31,109 --> 01:15:37,074
Tim here is about to experience
pie to the power of infinity.
1288
01:15:40,702 --> 01:15:43,705
Jenny, I swore that I'd find you.
1289
01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:47,417
- It's true. He wouldn't shut up about it.
- And now we can be together.
1290
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:50,587
We could start a new life!
In this cage, if needs be.
1291
01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:53,715
- Bobo what are you talking about?
- That's the thing. I'm not Bobo any more.
1292
01:15:53,799 --> 01:15:55,092
- I'm Ken.
- Ken.
1293
01:15:55,175 --> 01:15:56,426
- Ken.
- She knows.
1294
01:15:56,677 --> 01:15:58,345
Just normal, dependable Ken.
1295
01:15:58,470 --> 01:15:59,471
- Ken.
- Okay.
1296
01:16:00,681 --> 01:16:03,850
Type of bloke that wears
brown size nine shoes.
1297
01:16:04,893 --> 01:16:06,061
Who owns a shed.
1298
01:16:07,521 --> 01:16:11,358
Sort of bloke you could get to know
over a tepid cup of Bovril.
1299
01:16:12,901 --> 01:16:16,154
Type of guy you could settle down with.
1300
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:18,323
As I say, in this cage, if needs be.
1301
01:16:20,033 --> 01:16:22,327
Where have you guys been?
1302
01:16:22,744 --> 01:16:26,164
On a long journey
to the center of ourselves.
1303
01:16:27,332 --> 01:16:31,420
My name is Dean and
I'm not a clown either.
1304
01:16:32,504 --> 01:16:35,340
In a funny way
I don't suppose I ever really was.
1305
01:16:35,549 --> 01:16:37,467
And I'm Janet, and my thing is,
1306
01:16:37,801 --> 01:16:40,721
when I was six I set my friends on fire.
I poured...
1307
01:16:40,804 --> 01:16:41,805
[loud bang]
1308
01:16:41,972 --> 01:16:44,600
- Oh mother of God!
- The show's about to start.
1309
01:16:44,891 --> 01:16:50,230
Listen, that 200 pound slab of lunch meat
is trying to amass an army of children.
1310
01:16:50,564 --> 01:16:53,692
We need to disable that transmitter
and get him off the air.
1311
01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:59,865
[Alphonso] Hello boys and girls!
1312
01:17:00,657 --> 01:17:06,371
I am back on the TV where I belong,
and tonight for a special treat.
1313
01:17:06,663 --> 01:17:09,082
I have an old celebrity friend.
1314
01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:12,919
Tim from Bromanz!
1315
01:17:13,545 --> 01:17:15,088
[cheers, applause]
1316
01:17:16,298 --> 01:17:18,383
Are... we... ready?
1317
01:17:18,550 --> 01:17:19,968
No, no, no, no, no.
1318
01:17:20,052 --> 01:17:20,969
[cheering]
1319
01:17:21,053 --> 01:17:23,722
Unleash hell!
1320
01:17:23,805 --> 01:17:26,642
[classical music playing]
1321
01:17:29,728 --> 01:17:31,647
- [music continues]
- [audio muted]
1322
01:17:53,752 --> 01:17:54,753
[Jenny] Stop it!
1323
01:17:54,836 --> 01:17:56,713
He's had enough!
1324
01:17:56,797 --> 01:17:58,215
[Alphonso] Hold your fire!
1325
01:17:58,882 --> 01:18:03,428
We're going to need him conscious
for the main event.
1326
01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:06,056
[children cheering]
1327
01:18:07,808 --> 01:18:09,810
[chanting]
Gunge him! Gunge him!
1328
01:18:09,893 --> 01:18:15,232
And we're going to have more celebrity
people come on this show all the time.
1329
01:18:15,315 --> 01:18:20,195
With your help! I want you to bring
some of those friends of mine
1330
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,698
who I haven't seen since I was on TV.
1331
01:18:22,781 --> 01:18:27,202
If you bring this to me,
you get a big reward. Yes!
1332
01:18:27,285 --> 01:18:29,454
So come to Alphonso Land!
1333
01:18:29,538 --> 01:18:33,959
No homework, no rules, no bedtime!
1334
01:18:34,042 --> 01:18:38,463
And anybody who tries
to stop us will get gunged!
1335
01:18:39,381 --> 01:18:41,091
Anyone!
1336
01:18:42,217 --> 01:18:46,596
Jesus Christ. He's gonna
gunge us all to death. Oh God.
1337
01:18:47,097 --> 01:18:48,098
Oh God.
1338
01:18:48,807 --> 01:18:52,352
Oh God. We're next. Oh God.
This is all your fault, Bobo.
1339
01:18:52,436 --> 01:18:53,937
I wish I'd never met you.
1340
01:18:54,020 --> 01:18:56,857
I could be off breaking the
biggest story in the world
1341
01:18:56,940 --> 01:18:59,401
with an unbelievably hot
burger van guy now.
1342
01:18:59,484 --> 01:19:02,779
Instead of being stuck in
a cage with a bunch of clowns
1343
01:19:02,946 --> 01:19:05,824
waiting to be murdered by feral children.
1344
01:19:06,324 --> 01:19:08,326
Actually ex-clowns. But I'll shut up.
1345
01:19:09,202 --> 01:19:10,746
Why me, Bobo?
1346
01:19:11,705 --> 01:19:16,126
Out of all the women in the world
you could have chosen to obsess over,
1347
01:19:16,918 --> 01:19:18,628
why did you land on me?
1348
01:19:23,091 --> 01:19:27,637
Because you were the
first person in 15 years
1349
01:19:28,430 --> 01:19:30,223
who made me feel good about myself.
1350
01:19:32,726 --> 01:19:34,728
Made me feel more than just a...
1351
01:19:36,772 --> 01:19:38,732
fat clown at a children's party.
1352
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:41,860
That I was important.
1353
01:19:44,070 --> 01:19:47,282
And that I was someone
who deserved to be loved
1354
01:19:49,951 --> 01:19:52,329
Because I threw you
a drunk fuck in a cupboard?
1355
01:19:53,497 --> 01:19:55,707
It was long--
It was long enough to know...
1356
01:19:58,668 --> 01:20:00,796
- I love you.
- Oh shit.
1357
01:20:02,047 --> 01:20:03,048
Oh my God.
1358
01:20:05,717 --> 01:20:06,885
Oh, that's bleak.
1359
01:20:10,806 --> 01:20:14,851
Oh, oh, that's so fucking bleak.
1360
01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:19,231
God. Okay. Yeah.
No. Alphonso! Alphonso!
1361
01:20:19,314 --> 01:20:21,316
Yes, I'm in. I give up.
1362
01:20:33,745 --> 01:20:34,830
Clown blood.
1363
01:20:35,664 --> 01:20:36,665
It's fresh.
1364
01:20:40,585 --> 01:20:41,586
They're close.
1365
01:20:45,799 --> 01:20:46,800
[laughs]
1366
01:20:47,676 --> 01:20:49,302
[children chattering]
1367
01:20:52,055 --> 01:20:54,349
Ah, Pegasus.
1368
01:20:55,392 --> 01:20:56,393
My old friend.
1369
01:20:57,894 --> 01:20:59,646
[sinister laughter]
1370
01:21:02,440 --> 01:21:05,151
Jesus Christ, they just keep coming.
1371
01:21:05,443 --> 01:21:06,778
We need to get outta here.
1372
01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:10,198
There's no way we're getting past
these homicidal rug-munchers.
1373
01:21:10,282 --> 01:21:13,034
- I think you mean rugrats.
- They're terrifying.
1374
01:21:13,535 --> 01:21:15,036
One of them smokes a pipe.
1375
01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:16,872
Alphonso was wrong you know,
1376
01:21:17,747 --> 01:21:19,499
about the Jugglenaut.
1377
01:21:20,166 --> 01:21:23,295
It doesn't need clowns who
are willing to die for one another.
1378
01:21:23,420 --> 01:21:25,964
It just needs clowns
who have nothing to live for.
1379
01:21:26,047 --> 01:21:27,841
- What?
- Well think about it.
1380
01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:30,051
These kids like violence.
1381
01:21:30,343 --> 01:21:33,972
They like danger, they like
watching people hurt themselves.
1382
01:21:35,765 --> 01:21:40,312
If we can pull off a trick like that, we
might be able to distract them long enough
1383
01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:46,318
to do one last decent thing with our lives
and take that prick Alphonso off the air.
1384
01:21:49,029 --> 01:21:54,200
Everyone dreams of dying
doing what they love.
1385
01:21:55,118 --> 01:21:56,661
[Funzo gasps]
1386
01:22:00,206 --> 01:22:02,918
And since that's not an option for us,
1387
01:22:08,048 --> 01:22:09,674
what say we go out clowning?
1388
01:22:13,303 --> 01:22:19,184
Oi! Bedwetter. Gather your men.
I've got something to show you.
1389
01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:20,268
What is it?
1390
01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:22,062
It's a clown show.
1391
01:22:23,355 --> 01:22:24,439
We've just seen one.
1392
01:22:27,525 --> 01:22:28,526
Not like this.
1393
01:22:33,531 --> 01:22:36,159
I knew you would come
around eventually, Jennifer,
1394
01:22:36,242 --> 01:22:40,538
now for a moment there,
you nearly chose the wrong team.
1395
01:22:40,622 --> 01:22:41,915
[laughs]
1396
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:45,961
It's a brave new world, Jennifer,
and it's ours for the taking.
1397
01:22:46,628 --> 01:22:50,924
Me as warlord slash
global clown Emperor
1398
01:22:51,716 --> 01:22:55,804
and you beside me as my
bikini-clad assistant.
1399
01:22:56,304 --> 01:22:57,847
[Jenny] Ah, thank you Shakira.
1400
01:22:58,306 --> 01:23:01,059
Yes.
I mean, sounds good.
1401
01:23:02,018 --> 01:23:03,853
Have you got anything to drink?
1402
01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:07,399
Jenny, do wombles shit
on Wimbledon Common?
1403
01:23:07,774 --> 01:23:08,775
Hmm?
1404
01:23:10,068 --> 01:23:12,070
- Drinks cabinet's over there.
- Great.
1405
01:23:12,153 --> 01:23:15,323
I will make us a...
1406
01:23:16,616 --> 01:23:18,994
vodka and...
1407
01:23:19,536 --> 01:23:20,537
scotch.
1408
01:23:20,620 --> 01:23:24,290
Ah, a Kilted Russian: how very agreeable.
1409
01:23:26,292 --> 01:23:27,293
[cork pops]
1410
01:23:40,390 --> 01:23:42,100
Hello, boys and girls.
1411
01:23:43,101 --> 01:23:45,186
My name's Bobo,
1412
01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:51,401
and these are my friends, Pepe and Funzo.
1413
01:23:51,818 --> 01:23:54,904
Who likes balloons?
1414
01:23:56,114 --> 01:23:57,157
I do.
1415
01:24:03,413 --> 01:24:04,414
Oh.
1416
01:24:06,166 --> 01:24:08,460
- [balloon bursts]
- Ah, this was a mistake.
1417
01:24:08,877 --> 01:24:10,754
- What was that?
- Oh, nothing.
1418
01:24:10,837 --> 01:24:14,174
You know what kids are like
when they're drunk on power.
1419
01:24:15,842 --> 01:24:18,053
A toast to good friends.
1420
01:24:18,136 --> 01:24:19,137
Ah, Jenny.
1421
01:24:19,554 --> 01:24:21,347
I hate for you to embarrass yourself
1422
01:24:21,431 --> 01:24:26,436
in front of the Rotary Club Toastmaster
General in 1992, 1993, and 1995.
1423
01:24:27,145 --> 01:24:28,938
I'd better do this. Hmm.
1424
01:24:29,689 --> 01:24:34,486
Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished
guests, Princess Michael of Kent.
1425
01:24:34,944 --> 01:24:40,241
An occasion such as this always calls for
one of the greatest and indeed longest
1426
01:24:40,325 --> 01:24:42,702
poems of the last six centuries.
1427
01:24:42,786 --> 01:24:43,787
[clears throat]
1428
01:24:43,912 --> 01:24:46,414
Okay. Screw the crowd work.
Skip to the big finish.
1429
01:24:46,539 --> 01:24:49,918
Boys and girls, I present to you
1430
01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:53,505
the Jugglenaut!
1431
01:24:55,340 --> 01:24:57,008
Pepe, hup!
1432
01:25:00,011 --> 01:25:02,931
I can't. I can't do it.
I'm not good enough.
1433
01:25:03,014 --> 01:25:04,933
I never have been.
1434
01:25:05,058 --> 01:25:06,810
I'll never be a DuCoquesman.
1435
01:25:08,019 --> 01:25:10,146
I don't need you to be a DuCoquesman.
1436
01:25:10,230 --> 01:25:13,817
I don't care what some dusty French
wank merchant thought of you.
1437
01:25:13,900 --> 01:25:16,444
I just need you to
climb on to my fat shoulders
1438
01:25:16,528 --> 01:25:18,780
and be paralyzed with fear, please.
1439
01:25:22,784 --> 01:25:25,245
Okay, I can do that.
1440
01:25:31,751 --> 01:25:34,045
- Funzo, hup!
- [whimsical music playing]
1441
01:25:34,337 --> 01:25:37,507
I don't want to be Funzo.
I don't want to scare anyone.
1442
01:25:37,882 --> 01:25:40,385
Funzo, Janet.
It doesn't matter what you call yourself.
1443
01:25:40,468 --> 01:25:42,720
Being scary is who you are.
1444
01:25:42,804 --> 01:25:44,264
You were born to do this,
1445
01:25:44,347 --> 01:25:48,810
and I'll be honest with you, some of these
kids could do with a decent fucking scare.
1446
01:25:51,980 --> 01:25:52,981
Oh God.
1447
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:54,566
Oh Jesus.
1448
01:25:58,903 --> 01:26:01,156
[music continues]
1449
01:26:03,116 --> 01:26:04,784
[all straining]
1450
01:26:07,412 --> 01:26:08,955
[children laughing]
1451
01:26:35,857 --> 01:26:38,151
[children cheering, applauding]
1452
01:26:39,319 --> 01:26:41,112
[Bobo] Three, two, one!
1453
01:26:51,956 --> 01:26:52,957
Pepe!
1454
01:26:53,833 --> 01:26:56,294
Hup... hup... hup...
1455
01:27:02,175 --> 01:27:03,885
[cackling]
1456
01:27:08,640 --> 01:27:10,225
[cheering]
1457
01:27:11,351 --> 01:27:12,852
Funzo, grab the transmitter!
1458
01:27:15,396 --> 01:27:19,776
I can hear it!
The laughter! It's like thunder!
1459
01:27:20,485 --> 01:27:22,195
[cheering, clapping]
1460
01:27:24,072 --> 01:27:26,574
"Since last she was a wee--"
Wait.
1461
01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:29,702
Is that children enjoying themselves?
1462
01:27:30,453 --> 01:27:32,121
That's impossible.
I'm still here.
1463
01:27:32,830 --> 01:27:34,374
Let's have your drink first.
1464
01:27:34,457 --> 01:27:38,670
♪ I like to drink with Alphonso.
Alphonso is my mate ♪
1465
01:27:38,753 --> 01:27:41,798
♪ And when I drink with Alphonso,
He gets it down in eight ♪
1466
01:27:42,298 --> 01:27:44,467
Jesus Christ, okay, fuck it!
1467
01:27:45,885 --> 01:27:47,053
Show's over!
1468
01:27:47,679 --> 01:27:50,640
[clowns screaming]
1469
01:27:58,564 --> 01:28:00,358
[children gasping]
1470
01:28:00,608 --> 01:28:03,695
- Funzo!
- No!
1471
01:28:05,321 --> 01:28:06,447
[Alphonso laughs]
1472
01:28:08,199 --> 01:28:13,371
- You killed our friend.
- Our best friend, you monster.
1473
01:28:14,080 --> 01:28:15,999
An eye for an eye, Booboo.
1474
01:28:16,207 --> 01:28:17,750
And now it's your turn.
1475
01:28:18,543 --> 01:28:19,752
[motorcycle engine]
1476
01:28:24,799 --> 01:28:27,176
We just want Funzo.
Give her over now
1477
01:28:27,260 --> 01:28:30,054
and I promise you all a
quick and painless death.
1478
01:28:30,179 --> 01:28:31,973
Too late. He's already killed her.
1479
01:28:32,307 --> 01:28:35,351
Yeah. Just a few minutes ago.
You couldn't have been closer.
1480
01:28:36,102 --> 01:28:37,103
What?
1481
01:28:37,645 --> 01:28:39,772
Well that is an anti-climax.
1482
01:28:39,981 --> 01:28:42,525
I mean, we traveled all
this way fueled by revenge.
1483
01:28:45,236 --> 01:28:48,948
- You're gonna have to give us a minute.
- This is bloody typical.
1484
01:28:49,032 --> 01:28:50,825
- Bloody typical!
- Okay, okay.
1485
01:28:50,908 --> 01:28:52,243
We have no time for this.
1486
01:28:52,327 --> 01:28:54,620
I need you to be more
solution orientated now,
1487
01:28:54,704 --> 01:28:57,081
rather than focusing on problems, okay?
1488
01:28:58,875 --> 01:29:00,710
- It's a tiny motorbike.
- No, no.
1489
01:29:03,880 --> 01:29:06,883
Yeah. Great. Great.
Let's explain that to them, then.
1490
01:29:10,303 --> 01:29:12,764
Okay. So we've noticed
that you've got a gunge pit
1491
01:29:12,847 --> 01:29:15,308
and we've always
wanted to try one of those,
1492
01:29:15,391 --> 01:29:18,144
so I think we're just
gonna murder you all with that.
1493
01:29:18,227 --> 01:29:19,604
[Alan] Tie their hands.
1494
01:29:19,687 --> 01:29:21,939
[Jenny] Why does no one seem to be...
Stop it!
1495
01:29:22,899 --> 01:29:25,318
Turn around. Don't tie me up.
I have money.
1496
01:29:25,526 --> 01:29:27,945
Well, Bitcoin.
It's yours if you let me go.
1497
01:29:29,155 --> 01:29:32,325
[Funzo screams]
1498
01:29:34,077 --> 01:29:35,870
[Funzo laughs manically]
1499
01:29:39,874 --> 01:29:41,751
[children scream and run]
1500
01:29:48,841 --> 01:29:50,635
My ear! My other ear!
1501
01:29:54,847 --> 01:29:56,974
Bobo! The transmitter!
1502
01:29:57,433 --> 01:29:59,185
The transmitter!
1503
01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:17,912
[grunting, snorting]
1504
01:30:20,957 --> 01:30:23,376
[both growling]
1505
01:30:23,459 --> 01:30:25,753
There's only one way to settle this, Alphonso.
1506
01:30:25,837 --> 01:30:28,422
I will crush you with my bulk.
1507
01:30:28,506 --> 01:30:31,259
I have seen off many rivals.
1508
01:30:31,968 --> 01:30:33,344
[both yell]
1509
01:31:32,069 --> 01:31:33,988
[howling]
1510
01:31:37,867 --> 01:31:40,786
Who's the walrus now, Alphonso, you dick?
1511
01:31:40,870 --> 01:31:44,165
- Who's the fucking walrus now?
- You are.
1512
01:31:44,665 --> 01:31:46,751
I've beaten you in every way.
1513
01:31:47,418 --> 01:31:50,463
As a clown, as a man.
1514
01:31:52,506 --> 01:31:54,926
Both ways!
1515
01:31:56,469 --> 01:31:58,804
Do you know I used to look up to you?
1516
01:31:58,888 --> 01:32:01,098
You were one of the
reasons I became a clown.
1517
01:32:01,182 --> 01:32:02,892
I'm so sorry.
1518
01:32:03,935 --> 01:32:05,603
Oh, I'm not gonna hurt you.
1519
01:32:06,812 --> 01:32:08,606
Because I'm the bigger man.
1520
01:32:10,107 --> 01:32:13,611
- And the better clown.
- [Tim] Bromanz forever!
1521
01:32:16,948 --> 01:32:19,909
Jesus Christ, Tim.
I was just doing a whole thing.
1522
01:32:22,578 --> 01:32:25,039
And I should have done that 30 years ago.
1523
01:32:27,416 --> 01:32:31,254
Okay Funzo, you've earned your spot.
We'll see you on the strip.
1524
01:32:31,420 --> 01:32:32,421
[Funzo laughs]
1525
01:32:32,755 --> 01:32:36,592
- You okay, Janet?
- Of course. Nothing bad happened to me.
1526
01:32:36,884 --> 01:32:38,886
Nothing bad ever happens to Funzo.
1527
01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:42,515
[sighs]
1528
01:32:47,436 --> 01:32:48,854
We should probably help him.
1529
01:32:48,938 --> 01:32:50,439
- No.
- Okay!
1530
01:32:52,900 --> 01:32:54,568
[bubbling]
1531
01:33:08,749 --> 01:33:12,003
Okay. It's all looking good.
1532
01:33:15,089 --> 01:33:16,090
Fantastic.
1533
01:33:18,092 --> 01:33:19,343
Okay.
We're all set.
1534
01:33:20,052 --> 01:33:21,053
You ready?
1535
01:33:21,595 --> 01:33:24,181
I was born ready, Bobo.
It's in the blood.
1536
01:33:25,224 --> 01:33:29,103
Going live in Five! Four! Three!
1537
01:33:29,937 --> 01:33:32,481
- Are you gonna do it wearing that?
- Oh shit.
1538
01:33:32,606 --> 01:33:33,733
Good evening.
1539
01:33:33,816 --> 01:33:37,945
I'm Jenny Malone reporting
the truth to the world.
1540
01:33:38,029 --> 01:33:42,033
I realize we've all been through a lot,
but what I'm about to tell you
1541
01:33:42,116 --> 01:33:46,871
should explain how we got here and how
we are going to survive this together.
1542
01:33:49,332 --> 01:33:54,712
In 1967, the CIA, in conjunction with
the teenage Hillary Clinton,
1543
01:33:54,795 --> 01:33:57,048
began a series of experiments on the sun.
1544
01:33:57,214 --> 01:33:59,467
And two days ago, under the instruction
1545
01:33:59,550 --> 01:34:04,263
of a sinister cabal of shapeshifting,
pedophilic lizard people,
1546
01:34:04,347 --> 01:34:06,974
they unleashed
a secret weapon on the world.
1547
01:34:07,808 --> 01:34:10,728
- Operation: Solar Flare.
- I've been saying it for... yes!
1548
01:34:10,978 --> 01:34:14,148
A plan to enslave humanity,
harvest our DNA,
1549
01:34:14,231 --> 01:34:17,068
and sell it to the Chinese
chemtrail industry.
1550
01:34:17,526 --> 01:34:19,403
Over the next three to four hours,
1551
01:34:19,487 --> 01:34:21,405
- I will show you--
- [phone buzzing]
1552
01:34:21,864 --> 01:34:24,408
Irrefutable evidence
of John F. Kennedy's...
1553
01:34:24,492 --> 01:34:26,327
[overlapping notification sounds]
1554
01:34:26,410 --> 01:34:27,953
John F. Kennedy...
1555
01:34:34,460 --> 01:34:36,962
- What are you doing?
- What's going on then?
1556
01:34:37,922 --> 01:34:41,258
- Is it-- is it over?
- Everything's turning back on.
1557
01:34:43,177 --> 01:34:45,137
[Jenny] Yeah. Yeah, okay.
1558
01:34:47,807 --> 01:34:49,517
[laughs] Oh my gosh.
1559
01:34:50,851 --> 01:34:54,772
And although Áras an Uachtaráin was
completely obliterated, the president was
1560
01:34:54,855 --> 01:34:59,777
eventually carried to safety by Brazilian
burger technician Gustavo Musculos.
1561
01:35:01,737 --> 01:35:04,448
Elsewhere, chaotic scenes
played out across the nation
1562
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:06,867
with a series of localized
electrical blackouts
1563
01:35:06,951 --> 01:35:09,662
believed to have been caused
by a massive power surge
1564
01:35:09,745 --> 01:35:12,915
at a recent concert by
country singer Garth Brooks.
1565
01:35:13,457 --> 01:35:14,875
May he rest in peace.
1566
01:35:16,460 --> 01:35:18,337
Then there was this bizarre broadcast
1567
01:35:18,421 --> 01:35:21,966
by the daughter of celebrated news
correspondent Deborah Malone,
1568
01:35:22,049 --> 01:35:25,177
[Jenny] Two days ago,
under the instruction of a sinister cabal
1569
01:35:25,302 --> 01:35:27,888
of shapeshifting pedophilic
lizard people--
1570
01:35:27,972 --> 01:35:31,600
I think we can all agree her late
mother would be massively disappointed.
1571
01:35:31,684 --> 01:35:34,603
Next up, clown funerals.
They're like buses, aren't they?
1572
01:35:34,687 --> 01:35:37,773
You wait ages for one and then
two come along all at once.
1573
01:35:37,898 --> 01:35:39,650
Nineties has-been clown,
1574
01:35:39,900 --> 01:35:43,446
the late Alphonso
has popped his giant clogs
1575
01:35:43,529 --> 01:35:46,866
and is in a tiny little car
on his way to heaven right now.
1576
01:35:54,206 --> 01:35:56,167
Thanks for helping us out, Jenny.
1577
01:35:56,250 --> 01:36:00,171
Yes. Thank you so much for letting us
bury DuCoque in your mother's grave.
1578
01:36:00,254 --> 01:36:03,466
Don't mention it.
She hated clowns and the French.
1579
01:36:04,049 --> 01:36:05,926
[body thuds]
1580
01:36:07,678 --> 01:36:09,096
[peaceful music playing]
1581
01:36:11,182 --> 01:36:14,059
[Bobo] When we first hooked up
at your niece's birthday,
1582
01:36:15,227 --> 01:36:17,480
did you ever imagine we'd end up here?
1583
01:36:19,356 --> 01:36:20,357
No.
1584
01:36:22,276 --> 01:36:23,569
No, of course not.
1585
01:36:24,987 --> 01:36:25,988
Yeah.
1586
01:36:26,197 --> 01:36:27,239
Me neither.
1587
01:36:28,407 --> 01:36:31,035
[romantic music swells]
1588
01:36:31,118 --> 01:36:33,913
- Oh, what the fuck are you doing?
- [music ends abruptly]
1589
01:36:34,788 --> 01:36:37,291
I just thought we'd been on this journey.
1590
01:36:38,375 --> 01:36:40,211
I vanquished the other male.
1591
01:36:42,213 --> 01:36:43,631
Did I read the moment wrong?
1592
01:36:44,673 --> 01:36:50,054
We are secretly burying a rotting
clown corpse in my mother's grave.
1593
01:36:51,055 --> 01:36:54,058
What is it about this moment
that you think is sexy?
1594
01:36:57,686 --> 01:36:59,271
- The sun?
- The sun. Oh.
1595
01:36:59,355 --> 01:37:00,773
It's kind of sexy.
1596
01:37:01,774 --> 01:37:03,859
It's like a big, red
clown nose in the sky.
1597
01:37:03,943 --> 01:37:05,444
Goodbye, Bobo.
1598
01:37:06,195 --> 01:37:07,196
Forever this time.
1599
01:37:07,863 --> 01:37:09,907
- Yeah, but what about...
- No! Forever.
1600
01:37:11,575 --> 01:37:13,953
[Pepe] Well, what now?
1601
01:37:15,412 --> 01:37:18,457
I hear there's a prime spot
going on the main strip.
1602
01:37:18,666 --> 01:37:21,252
You could get your DuCoque
out on the street!
1603
01:37:27,675 --> 01:37:31,845
Do you know, I used to blame
Alphonso for my lack of success.
1604
01:37:34,848 --> 01:37:39,562
But now that he's gone,
I can't see anything getting in my way.
1605
01:37:41,146 --> 01:37:42,940
- Let's do it!
- [all laugh]
1606
01:37:44,525 --> 01:37:47,736
[Pepe] Well, it looks like we're
gonna need some business cards.
1607
01:37:48,153 --> 01:37:50,864
- [Bobo] We need a name first.
- [Funzo] We have a name!
1608
01:37:50,948 --> 01:37:55,035
- [Pepe] We are not calling ourselves that.
- [Funzo] It's too late!
1609
01:37:55,244 --> 01:37:57,204
[Funzo laughs]
1610
01:37:58,747 --> 01:38:03,127
[acoustic guitar playing]
1611
01:38:03,460 --> 01:38:07,131
[man singing in French]
1612
01:38:07,214 --> 01:38:09,842
[Man translating]
Where are the clowns of yesteryear?
1613
01:38:13,012 --> 01:38:19,727
Where are the red and white faces
and the absolutely enormous trousers?
1614
01:38:21,478 --> 01:38:27,443
I understand that the
world is different now,
1615
01:38:30,487 --> 01:38:33,073
but I miss the good old days.
1616
01:38:36,619 --> 01:38:40,164
Where are the children who are
happy with simple pleasures?
1617
01:38:43,125 --> 01:38:45,002
Not Serbian Pornography.
1618
01:38:46,420 --> 01:38:47,880
Life is bullshit.
1619
01:38:50,341 --> 01:38:51,884
I hate young people.
1620
01:38:53,719 --> 01:38:55,179
What a bunch of pricks.
1621
01:38:56,847 --> 01:39:01,060
They pull at my nose and call me a tramp.
1622
01:39:03,270 --> 01:39:04,480
Here is the duck.
1623
01:39:06,106 --> 01:39:08,233
With his tiny briefcase.
1624
01:39:09,693 --> 01:39:11,654
He checks his list,
1625
01:39:12,821 --> 01:39:14,657
and adjusts his glasses.
1626
01:39:16,659 --> 01:39:19,036
{\an8}My name is there.
1627
01:39:20,496 --> 01:39:22,581
{\an8}There's no hardship.
1628
01:39:23,666 --> 01:39:28,879
{\an8}I will go with
him in his little business suit
1629
01:39:29,922 --> 01:39:34,093
{\an8}Goodbye dreadful world,
goodbye cruel life.
1630
01:39:35,094 --> 01:39:40,808
{\an8}This is my final act, the last ritual.
1631
01:39:47,272 --> 01:39:49,024
{\an8}Life is not rosy.
1632
01:39:51,235 --> 01:39:52,903
{\an8}Whatever Edith Piaf says.
1633
01:41:34,505 --> 01:41:36,006
{\an8}[button clicks]
1634
01:41:36,256 --> 01:41:40,511
{\an8}[Alphonso] You are listening to the audio
book of Life of Pie, a Clown Odyssey,
1635
01:41:41,094 --> 01:41:47,184
{\an8}written and narrated by the Great
Alphonso. Chapter One. Beginnings.
1636
01:41:49,728 --> 01:41:52,523
{\an8}I was a born clown despite
a difficult childhood.
1637
01:41:53,148 --> 01:41:56,401
{\an8}I was ten years old
when the bullying first started.
1638
01:41:57,069 --> 01:42:01,657
{\an8}At its height, I must have been
bullying 20 or 30 children a day.
1639
01:42:02,366 --> 01:42:06,745
{\an8}I didn't know at the time, but
this was the perfect preparation
1640
01:42:07,204 --> 01:42:09,414
{\an8}for a career in television.
1641
01:42:09,915 --> 01:42:11,124
[button clicks]