WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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So, without
further ado, I would like

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to introduce you to Sully Erna.

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Somebody told us this is

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where the fucking party is tonight.

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Is this where the party is?

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Most people spend their
entire lives just trying

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to figure out who they want to be.

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Somehow, for me, at a really
young age, I just knew

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what I was gonna do with my life.

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There's a lot of people, I guess
they go

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through their whole life of
wondering what they're gonna be

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when they grow up kind of thing.

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I just knew I wanted to be a musician

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and when I picked up the
live bootleg record one day

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and I seen that picture of Joe
Perry holding up a B.C. Rich,

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that picture actually
changed my opinion of wanting

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to be going from musician
to wanting be a rock star.

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Sully Erna, he's just like
a nonstop guy, you know,

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a hundred percent energy, that guy.

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Sarcastic, tough-in-your-face
attitude.

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Short punk, he would pick
the fight with the biggest kid.

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Sully is driven. That's what
he always was and still is.

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He's got the tenacity

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that you fucking just
would not understand.

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What he goes for, he goes for.

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Sully was always the guy that
wanted to conquer the world.

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When we think about Sully,
it's not just

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as the lead singer of Godsmack,

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but it's really just a force of nature.

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One, two,
three, four, ready? Go!

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Growing up, he was always
there for me,

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but when he could be.

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He was always on the road.

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He was always touring, doing
press, doing shows, whatever.

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His job is obviously abnormal.

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It is weird, like we
don't see each other a lot

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so we don't get to have
that like family time

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that like a normal
family would, especially

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when dad's gone all the time.

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Eleventh floor.

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My dad doesn't talk

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about his childhood a lot,
like the harder stuff.

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I think that he's very
closed off about that

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because it was a harder time in
his life.

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But basically all I know
about his childhood is

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that like it was rough for him
growing up

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and he came from like a really
tough part of Massachusetts.

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These two
others were in the hospital

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with non-life threatening injuries...

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Police also responded

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to Melrose Street around
noontime for shots fired.

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Officers swarmed the area in
heavy gear

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after they saw the gunman
targeted police.

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Central High School says
increase security after 51...

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My name is Sully Erna.

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I'm the founder and lead
singer of the band, Godsmack.

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We were born as a band way
before you guys were born,

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but for me, I was raised
in Lawrence, Massachusetts

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and I spent the first 18
years of my life there

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and it was a very challenging
city for me growing up.

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But I was raised with a musical family

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and my dad's still a trumpet player.

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And so then I found out through
my dad that my great uncle

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who was my grandmother's
brother, was a famous composer

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in Sicily, Italy, which is
where my family is from.

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His name was Emanuele Carta.

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He had composed and written
all this Italian music

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that today has become
very well known in Sicily.

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When he passed away, he left
the house to his sister,

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which was my grandmother

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and then she went on to get
married and raised my dad

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and his sister, my Aunt Rina.

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I was born in 1944 in Sicily

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in a small town called Melilli.

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Unfortunately, when I was 14
years old,

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my mother passed away.

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A few years later, my father
brought me to the United States

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where we found work in a factory
in Lawrence, Massachusetts.

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Oh, it was a beautiful city.

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You'd never had to worry, your
parents never had to worry.

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You could go out, you can
enjoy life, play in the yard.

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Very different than today.

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There was a lot of areas

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that you just avoided,
especially where we lived.

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Even as adults, we didn't
hang around that area.

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So this is my house

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that I grew up in, 87
Basswood Street, Lawrence.

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And it's so surreal being here
right now

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because really this is the heart
and soul

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of kind of the core of my life
and what I remember the most.

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And you gotta come check this out.

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Oh my God, I'm freaking out.

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I haven't been here
since I was 17 years old.

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So this was it. This was my old home.

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This was my mom's room.

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Her bed used to be set up
this way against the wall.

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This was my little bedroom.

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It looks so much smaller than I remember.

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I used to have my little drum
set there.

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My mom's gonna freak out
when she sees this film.

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This is insane that I'm standing
in this house right now.

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What an amazing experience to be able

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to come back here after what, 35 years.

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If there was a clown in the family.

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When Sully was little,
as long as he had a spoon

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or a stick or something to
bang on, that baby was happy.

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Fortunately he always had it
in his blood just like I did.

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The earliest memories
that I can remember,

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it was always somehow connected
to music.

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From watching my dad's band
all those years, sitting

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in the basement

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from the time I was three
and a half years old

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and when they were done
rehearsing, I used to always go

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to the drummer first and
ask him if I could play

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on the drums and he'd sit me on
the stool.

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I couldn't even reach the bass
drum pedal. I was so small.

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I can barely reach it now actually.

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Sometimes it would make me
crazy hearing

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that steady banging and banging

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but I just had that feeling
that he had something in him

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that maybe would develop later on.

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I had gone to Constantino's
where his dad went all the time.

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One day the owner of
the studio came up to me

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and says, "You know, there's a
mother here

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with a really young little fellow

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and she'd like him to
sign up for drum lessons."

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And they said, "How old is
he?"

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I said, "Three and a half."

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"Can you teach somebody that
young?'

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And I said, "Well, I have never
done this before this young.

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This would be a new
experience, but I'm game."

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So we went to two or three lessons

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and the fourth time we went
back, he told me, he says,

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"Mrs. Erna," he says, "Don't
stop him."

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He says, "He has gotten a
natural rhythm

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for these drums that I can't
explain."

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He says, "But please, don't stop
him."

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So we bought him a little
drum set for Christmas.

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It was a cute little
set, but it was paper.

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And he put his foot to it

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because he said, "This is not a
real set.

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This is a toy set."

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One year later, at the age
of five, on my fifth Christmas,

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there was my blue sparkling
beauty real drum set.

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For the first time, I had
some real drums in the house.

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The smallest drum set they had
was still

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three times bigger than him.

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He just had such a natural
talent. He was born with it.

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And no matter where he went,

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his jeans, his high tops, his
drumsticks in his back pocket,

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so he was always beating on something.

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But again, I wasn't
a rock star back then.

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I wasn't successful, I wasn't
a celebrity, I had no money.

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We were raised so poor that
we didn't even have milk.

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Our milk was powdered.

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So we had a packet of powder
that you mix with water

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and that's kind of what milk was
for us.

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My mom, you know, raised us
trying to hold down a couple

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of jobs to raise me and my sister.

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I know that my mom

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and my dad didn't have
a great relationship.

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There was a lot of tension in
the house,

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from what I remember.

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My ex-wife, I have
to make sure, it's not

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because I'm trying to be
nice on this interview or not

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but my ex-wife is a wonderful person.

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I still respect her enormously.

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Unfortunately, she probably
doesn't feel the same way.

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At least I think I hurt
her a lot when I left.

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I think both of us
got married too young.

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And my reason, I wanted
to get outta the house

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and he was my out.

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I don't remember having a
lot of memories with my dad

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in that house 'cause I was
really young.

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And the memories that I have,
they're not the best memories

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for a young kid to remember

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so maybe I shut a lot of that out.

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But what I do remember is
they would fight all the time.

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Anything could trigger him off.

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I could make something for
dinner that he didn't like

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and he would take it and
throw it in the wall.

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All different things like that.

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He was physically, emotionally abusive.

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He had a very short temper.

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And from what I understand,
his dad was the same way.

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He was taught to teach through hitting.

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And so he was a bit too aggressive

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for a young kid to handle.

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I used to pick fights, you know,

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and I didn't care if the guy was
6'2,

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as long as I threw the first
punch even

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if you beat the hell outta me.

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The main point is, Sully, I
didn't want you to be like me

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because you'd end up in jail
if you kept going like that.

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So I said, you know,
this is why, you know,

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I told him, "That's why I
used to do what I used to do.

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If I smacked you, it is

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because I didn't want
you to be like that."

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But then as life goes on, you
start to become more wise.

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And I do remember this one
specific fight where I was told

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to go to my room and I
could hear them screaming

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at each other in the kitchen.

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And when I opened the door,
I remember my dad had my mom

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by the back of her hair

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and he had her face like
hitting on the stove.

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And I remember him looking back

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and just telling me to shut my door.

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And I just remember hearing
the argument and the screaming

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and it just didn't sound good
to me and I was really upset.

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So he always carried a gun,
which made me very nervous

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'cause I knew he had a short fuse.

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I know one day we had a
fight and he picked up Maria

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and she was about eight
months old and he had a gun

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and he took her out of
the house with a gun

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and said, if I call the
police, he would shoot her

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and he would shoot me.

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Sully doesn't remember a lot
that went on

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when things were really bad,
Maria does.

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There were times

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when we were little, I didn't
think we were gonna make it.

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You know, we grew up in a
pretty rough environment

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and we didn't have a lot of encouragement

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from some of the family members,
you know.

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The fights got worse and worse

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and to the point where she
didn't want it around us anymore.

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And she asked him to go and he left.

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No matter what my mom went

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through with him, she always
sheltered me

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and my sister from it as best
she could.

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She never cried in front of us.

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She never told us to hate our dad.

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I have one thing to say,
you don't have to love him,

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but you do have to respect
him 'cause he's your father.

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When he walked out of the house,
he walked out with nothing.

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Not a bill, not a house payment,
not child support, nothing.

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It was just us struggling
just to make ends meet.

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And it was just so hard. I felt
so guilty.

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Although I have no regrets
about where I grew up.

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Lawrence is one of those
places that you have

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to get tough real quick
to survive this place.

243
00:14:47.321 --> 00:14:48.452
It really is one

244
00:14:50.106 --> 00:14:53.196
of the toughest inner cities
you can find in America.

245
00:14:55.111 --> 00:14:57.287
I had every challenge in the world.

246
00:14:57.287 --> 00:15:00.638
I had next door neighbors
that were rapists.

247
00:15:00.638 --> 00:15:05.121
I had people that I thought
were amazing school teachers

248
00:15:06.079 --> 00:15:08.385
that got arrested for dealing drugs.

249
00:15:08.385 --> 00:15:10.561
I watched people get
beat almost to death just

250
00:15:10.561 --> 00:15:11.998
for wearing the wrong colors

251
00:15:12.912 --> 00:15:14.391
'cause you weren't in their gang.

252
00:15:14.391 --> 00:15:16.132
Thankfully, I had music in my life.

253
00:15:16.132 --> 00:15:19.092
I loved it so much. I wanted
to go home and practice.

254
00:15:19.092 --> 00:15:21.050
And so when some of the
group of kids were going out

255
00:15:21.050 --> 00:15:24.140
to do the really dark stuff,
I was home practicing.

256
00:15:27.665 --> 00:15:29.624
I was definitely going down
the rock and roll path.

257
00:15:29.624 --> 00:15:31.060
I started picking up some

258
00:15:31.060 --> 00:15:33.845
of the first records in rock and roll.

259
00:15:33.845 --> 00:15:35.804
I was kind of molding myself

260
00:15:35.804 --> 00:15:38.459
to become that style of a musician.

261
00:15:38.459 --> 00:15:40.983
And that kind of rock and roll
has always been rebellious.

262
00:15:40.983 --> 00:15:44.247
And so I think it was just me trying

263
00:15:44.247 --> 00:15:46.597
to embody myself with that personality.

264
00:15:46.597 --> 00:15:48.686
Once I found my love

265
00:15:48.686 --> 00:15:50.993
for drums, I just wanted
to play all the time.

266
00:15:51.994 --> 00:15:53.169
His drums were his life, you know,

267
00:15:53.169 --> 00:15:54.736
practiced and practiced.

268
00:15:55.998 --> 00:15:59.349
And so I would literally skip
school and go to my bedroom

269
00:15:59.349 --> 00:16:02.657
and strap on headphones for
hours and hours and hours

270
00:16:02.657 --> 00:16:04.267
until my hands were cracked and bleeding.

271
00:16:04.267 --> 00:16:06.530
And I just remember thinking,
this is what I'm gonna do.

272
00:16:06.530 --> 00:16:08.619
I don't know how I knew this,

273
00:16:08.619 --> 00:16:09.620
but at a very young age,
I just knew what I wanted

274
00:16:09.620 --> 00:16:10.926
to do with my life.

275
00:16:10.926 --> 00:16:12.972
I wanted to be a drummer and
that was it.

276
00:16:12.972 --> 00:16:15.017
And when my dad would come over
to visit,

277
00:16:16.018 --> 00:16:20.544
I remember he got frustrated
and he would just discourage me

278
00:16:20.544 --> 00:16:23.765
in a way by saying that
music should be a hobby

279
00:16:23.765 --> 00:16:27.987
and that I needed to get a
good education and a job.

280
00:16:27.987 --> 00:16:32.034
And I remember thinking,
that's fucking crazy to me.

281
00:16:32.034 --> 00:16:33.601
Everything else is gonna be a hobby

282
00:16:33.601 --> 00:16:36.430
and music is what I'm
gonna do for a living

283
00:16:36.430 --> 00:16:39.433
In my memory, you know, just
felt like he would show up

284
00:16:39.433 --> 00:16:41.739
and they would immediately
be beating each other like

285
00:16:41.739 --> 00:16:43.045
in a fist fight and just kind of yelling

286
00:16:43.045 --> 00:16:44.699
and just like slamming doors.

287
00:16:44.699 --> 00:16:48.094
And I just didn't understand
why my dad was, it seems like

288
00:16:48.094 --> 00:16:50.357
to me was always picking on him,
you know.

289
00:16:50.357 --> 00:16:54.230
I always loved him, but
I was a little bit afraid

290
00:16:55.188 --> 00:16:56.798
with the way he was growing up.

291
00:16:56.798 --> 00:17:00.454
But I was still myself as far
as not being a great father,

292
00:17:00.454 --> 00:17:02.195
if you want, if you will, you know,

293
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:05.807
as far as the way I thought
it was the right way to teach.

294
00:17:05.807 --> 00:17:08.549
That was the beginning of
the end for our relationship.

295
00:17:08.549 --> 00:17:11.421
It just spiraled outta control
after that.

296
00:17:11.421 --> 00:17:13.858
And the more he told me no,
the more I just told him,

297
00:17:13.858 --> 00:17:15.382
this is what I'm gonna do.

298
00:17:15.382 --> 00:17:16.818
And I really think it's the reason

299
00:17:16.818 --> 00:17:20.039
why I became a lot more rebellious.

300
00:17:21.475 --> 00:17:22.519
And I remember it didn't help my attitude.

301
00:17:22.519 --> 00:17:24.956
It made me angrier.

302
00:17:24.956 --> 00:17:28.960
And as years and years
developed, I got really good

303
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:32.790
at being bad and it becomes
an addiction in itself

304
00:17:32.790 --> 00:17:35.489
and I got looped into that world.

305
00:17:36.794 --> 00:17:37.708
And I found myself getting involved

306
00:17:37.708 --> 00:17:39.319
in drugs at too young of an age.

307
00:17:40.233 --> 00:17:42.017
And I found myself fighting
at too young of an age

308
00:17:42.017 --> 00:17:43.932
'cause I was a small guy

309
00:17:43.932 --> 00:17:46.195
and I always had to defend myself.

310
00:17:47.501 --> 00:17:49.242
First day of freshman year,
there he is,

311
00:17:49.242 --> 00:17:51.766
and there's this bully
and he's giving him shit.

312
00:17:51.766 --> 00:17:53.333
He's picking on him.

313
00:17:53.333 --> 00:17:55.509
I say, "Hey, pick on
somebody your own size."

314
00:17:55.509 --> 00:17:57.163
So we've been friends ever since.

315
00:17:59.426 --> 00:18:01.819
Freddy introduced
me to Jimmy Mustapha.

316
00:18:01.819 --> 00:18:04.213
He brought Sully along.

317
00:18:04.213 --> 00:18:05.693
I remember him saying he
plays the drums or something

318
00:18:05.693 --> 00:18:07.608
and I'm like, "Oh, you play the
drums?"

319
00:18:07.608 --> 00:18:08.870
And I remember Sully doing something

320
00:18:08.870 --> 00:18:11.394
with his hands on like the trunk
of a car.

321
00:18:11.394 --> 00:18:12.526
And I'm like, "Oh wow,
he's good, you know."

322
00:18:18.488 --> 00:18:20.751
Jimmy Mustapha, Freddy Cristaldi,

323
00:18:22.579 --> 00:18:26.061
those three lived together.

324
00:18:26.061 --> 00:18:28.194
And when it came to music,

325
00:18:28.194 --> 00:18:29.847
Sully brought it to the forefront.

326
00:18:29.847 --> 00:18:31.022
Whenever we're all over at his house,

327
00:18:31.022 --> 00:18:33.373
that's all he did, played drums
all day.

328
00:18:33.373 --> 00:18:34.852
Sometimes I'd be there,

329
00:18:34.852 --> 00:18:35.679
and I wouldn't be able to talk
to him

330
00:18:35.679 --> 00:18:37.203
until the song was over.

331
00:18:37.203 --> 00:18:39.553
"All right, take a break,
kid. Let me talk to you."

332
00:18:39.553 --> 00:18:41.468
Because he would just be playing along.

333
00:18:42.425 --> 00:18:44.514
We hung out every
day, it seems like, just

334
00:18:44.514 --> 00:18:46.908
for years and years, you
know, 1984 or whatever,

335
00:18:48.562 --> 00:18:49.693
We're all heavily into music.

336
00:18:49.693 --> 00:18:50.955
We were like metalheads.

337
00:18:51.869 --> 00:18:52.957
We wanted long hair and leather jackets

338
00:18:52.957 --> 00:18:54.524
and parties and chicks

339
00:18:54.524 --> 00:18:56.222
and we wanted to live that lifestyle.

340
00:18:56.222 --> 00:18:57.962
We all loved that lifestyle.

341
00:18:57.962 --> 00:19:02.706
And Sully brought that
into our lives really.

342
00:19:02.706 --> 00:19:04.665
Every day was
just about finding someone

343
00:19:04.665 --> 00:19:07.146
to buy us beer at the local
liquor store

344
00:19:07.146 --> 00:19:10.932
and scraping up 10 bucks
to get a bag of weed

345
00:19:10.932 --> 00:19:13.369
and going to house parties.

346
00:19:13.369 --> 00:19:14.805
Here's to you, here's to me,

347
00:19:14.805 --> 00:19:16.720
best of friends will always be,

348
00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:20.507
if we should disagree,
fuck you, here's to me.

349
00:19:22.204 --> 00:19:23.510
You just had to kind of walk

350
00:19:23.510 --> 00:19:24.902
around the city and find each other

351
00:19:24.902 --> 00:19:26.252
and this was the meeting spot.

352
00:19:26.252 --> 00:19:27.296
Whenever they just said,
'Meet us at the stoop,"

353
00:19:27.296 --> 00:19:28.384
this was the stoop.

354
00:19:29.255 --> 00:19:31.300
But we all hung in this little platform

355
00:19:31.300 --> 00:19:34.347
and buy weed and meet up with
people and talk and chat.

356
00:19:34.347 --> 00:19:35.739
Like everybody that I knew

357
00:19:35.739 --> 00:19:38.002
in Lawrence, this is
where everyone hung out.

358
00:19:39.003 --> 00:19:40.179
To be honest, we all bonded

359
00:19:40.179 --> 00:19:41.832
because we all had tougher home lives.

360
00:19:41.832 --> 00:19:45.836
During my teenage years, the
streets were a better place,

361
00:19:45.836 --> 00:19:47.447
I thought, at the time than home.

362
00:19:48.317 --> 00:19:49.275
My father was a fucking monster.

363
00:19:49.275 --> 00:19:51.059
He was fucking insanely strong.

364
00:19:52.060 --> 00:19:55.890
And then one night he came
in drunk, didn't even know

365
00:19:55.890 --> 00:19:57.500
who I was and he tried to kill me

366
00:19:57.500 --> 00:19:58.849
'cause I asked my mother to pull
my pants

367
00:19:58.849 --> 00:20:01.069
over my cowboy boots for me.

368
00:20:01.069 --> 00:20:03.506
She bent down and he snapped,

369
00:20:03.506 --> 00:20:06.379
and I went in my room
and just shut the door.

370
00:20:06.379 --> 00:20:07.858
And he came barging through the door

371
00:20:07.858 --> 00:20:10.948
and my mother pushed him
and said, "Get outta here,"

372
00:20:10.948 --> 00:20:13.647
so I left, but Lawrence was tough.

373
00:20:13.647 --> 00:20:16.040
And when your family goes down like

374
00:20:16.040 --> 00:20:17.564
that too, it's even tougher, you
know?

375
00:20:17.564 --> 00:20:20.828
So you rely on your friends and
I did.

376
00:20:22.438 --> 00:20:25.267
It certainly
was part of the path

377
00:20:25.267 --> 00:20:29.532
that I walked in my life
that maybe hardened my shell

378
00:20:29.532 --> 00:20:31.839
and prepared me for some
of the more serious things

379
00:20:31.839 --> 00:20:34.276
that came at me later in life.

380
00:20:34.276 --> 00:20:35.973
It was a rough town. You
don't forget any of that.

381
00:20:35.973 --> 00:20:38.411
It lives with you for
the rest of your life

382
00:20:38.411 --> 00:20:41.501
But the man you become is
the man you choose to be

383
00:20:41.501 --> 00:20:44.504
and the part of Lawrence that
stays in you

384
00:20:44.504 --> 00:20:46.767
and anybody from Lawrence,
if you've noticed,

385
00:20:46.767 --> 00:20:50.553
which you probably have, we're
all a bunch of wise asses.

386
00:20:50.553 --> 00:20:53.382
You had to be aggressive
or have an attitude back

387
00:20:53.382 --> 00:20:55.993
in order to get along with
other people and stuff.

388
00:20:55.993 --> 00:20:58.213
Even Sully, when I remember,

389
00:20:58.213 --> 00:21:00.607
when he was a kid, you know,
short punk,

390
00:21:00.607 --> 00:21:04.219
he would pick the fight with
the biggest kid, you know.

391
00:21:04.219 --> 00:21:05.960
He wouldn't pick a fight
with somebody his size.

392
00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:07.657
He'd always pick a fight

393
00:21:07.657 --> 00:21:09.746
with somebody bigger than him,
you know, to prove himself.

394
00:21:09.746 --> 00:21:11.835
You know, and that's
that Lawrence attitude.

395
00:21:11.835 --> 00:21:13.097
You don't back down from a fight.

396
00:21:20.191 --> 00:21:21.497
Me, Jimmy and
Freddy one night decided

397
00:21:21.497 --> 00:21:24.457
to go to this house party
that we heard about.

398
00:21:24.457 --> 00:21:27.416
And when we pulled up, I
remember Freddy saying he needed

399
00:21:27.416 --> 00:21:28.591
to show us something.

400
00:21:29.505 --> 00:21:32.203
I opened the trunk and the
only two I showed this to.

401
00:21:33.074 --> 00:21:35.598
And there was a sawed
off shotgun in the trunk.

402
00:21:35.598 --> 00:21:37.905
You know, I was like,
yes, let's take this thing

403
00:21:37.905 --> 00:21:38.993
out right now and I wanna see it.

404
00:21:38.993 --> 00:21:40.386
We took it out and I picked it up

405
00:21:40.386 --> 00:21:42.039
and Freddy's like, "Don't
fucking pull it out

406
00:21:42.039 --> 00:21:44.259
in the middle of the street,"
and put it back in the trunk.

407
00:21:45.347 --> 00:21:46.479
And nevermind, he shut the trunk.

408
00:21:46.479 --> 00:21:48.437
Forget it was even there kind of thing.

409
00:21:49.569 --> 00:21:52.572
So we went upstairs to this
house party,

410
00:21:53.834 --> 00:21:55.705
and I just remember looking
around and there was no girls.

411
00:21:55.705 --> 00:21:58.404
It was just a bunch of dudes.

412
00:21:58.404 --> 00:22:01.668
There's probably three, four girls

413
00:22:01.668 --> 00:22:03.887
in the whole entire party.

414
00:22:03.887 --> 00:22:05.498
It was like 30 guys.
- Sausage fest.

415
00:22:05.498 --> 00:22:06.760
Sausage fest.

416
00:22:07.935 --> 00:22:09.937
And we were like,
well, this kind of sucks,

417
00:22:09.937 --> 00:22:11.547
but we're here now and we got beer

418
00:22:11.547 --> 00:22:13.941
and so let's just go
and fucking have a beer.

419
00:22:13.941 --> 00:22:15.812
Yeah, we were jamming up to
some tunes,

420
00:22:15.812 --> 00:22:18.467
but these guys wanted to
take off after about an hour.

421
00:22:19.555 --> 00:22:21.470
Then we just weren't feeling
it so we decided to leave.

422
00:22:21.470 --> 00:22:23.603
And on the way out, I had realized

423
00:22:23.603 --> 00:22:25.735
that I had forgot my jacket.

424
00:22:25.735 --> 00:22:26.997
And those guys said they
were going downstairs

425
00:22:26.997 --> 00:22:29.043
and they would meet me at the car.

426
00:22:29.043 --> 00:22:30.305
And I grabbed my jacket,

427
00:22:31.175 --> 00:22:33.047
and on the way out, I was
walking through the kitchen

428
00:22:33.047 --> 00:22:36.050
and I had my head down or something,

429
00:22:36.050 --> 00:22:37.791
and I had a beer in my hand

430
00:22:37.791 --> 00:22:38.748
and this dude had a beer in his hand,

431
00:22:38.748 --> 00:22:40.402
and we smashed into each other

432
00:22:40.402 --> 00:22:42.578
and spilled beer on each other.

433
00:22:42.578 --> 00:22:44.493
And next thing I know, we hit
the ground

434
00:22:44.493 --> 00:22:45.364
and we were fighting.

435
00:22:46.974 --> 00:22:48.715
The thing I remember after
that was getting kicked

436
00:22:48.715 --> 00:22:51.631
in the face and kicked
in the side of the head

437
00:22:51.631 --> 00:22:52.849
and kicked in the ribs.

438
00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:55.591
And I started thinking while
I was fighting this kid

439
00:22:55.591 --> 00:22:58.072
that I was in the wrong
place at the wrong time

440
00:22:58.072 --> 00:22:59.856
because these were all his friends

441
00:22:59.856 --> 00:23:02.119
and my friends were no
longer in the house.

442
00:23:03.251 --> 00:23:06.297
Somehow I squirmed out of that mess

443
00:23:06.297 --> 00:23:08.778
and I came down the stairs
and my shirt was ripped

444
00:23:08.778 --> 00:23:11.128
and my face was all red.

445
00:23:11.128 --> 00:23:13.740
He comes down, but you can
tell something was wrong.

446
00:23:13.740 --> 00:23:15.481
He was huffing and puffing

447
00:23:15.481 --> 00:23:17.613
And just as I'm telling them

448
00:23:17.613 --> 00:23:19.659
what's going on, we could see
them coming out of the house.

449
00:23:19.659 --> 00:23:21.791
But then I remember seeing
the kid that I fought

450
00:23:21.791 --> 00:23:23.706
and he was coming towards me,

451
00:23:23.706 --> 00:23:25.621
and he had a knife in his hand,

452
00:23:25.621 --> 00:23:27.536
and I felt like I was the
only one that's seen it.

453
00:23:27.536 --> 00:23:28.842
And everyone's arguing

454
00:23:28.842 --> 00:23:31.366
and trying to figure out what
the fuck.

455
00:23:31.366 --> 00:23:32.889
And I just remember looking
at this kid with a knife,

456
00:23:32.889 --> 00:23:35.675
and I'm like, this
motherfucker's gonna stab me.

457
00:23:37.807 --> 00:23:39.330
You know, "What's up? Gimme
the keys."

458
00:23:39.330 --> 00:23:40.984
I'm like, "What?"

459
00:23:40.984 --> 00:23:44.161
"Gimme your fucking keys,"
so I throw him the keys.

460
00:23:45.424 --> 00:23:48.339
I remember popping the trunk
and grabbing the shotgun.

461
00:23:50.341 --> 00:23:52.431
I pulled the shotgun
up to this kid's face,

462
00:23:53.475 --> 00:23:56.304
and I just remember feeling
nothing at that point.

463
00:23:58.480 --> 00:23:59.525
And I started to turn my head,
I hear

464
00:24:03.485 --> 00:24:05.966
And as he got close to
me, I pulled the trigger,

465
00:24:13.669 --> 00:24:14.975
Sully pulled the trigger.

466
00:24:21.503 --> 00:24:24.680
And till this day, it's one

467
00:24:24.680 --> 00:24:26.856
of the toughest things
for me to talk about.

468
00:24:31.470 --> 00:24:34.821
But thankfully my friend was
smart enough when he decided

469
00:24:34.821 --> 00:24:37.693
to put this gun in his trunk,
there was no bullets in it.

470
00:24:37.693 --> 00:24:39.913
So all I heard was click.

471
00:24:42.437 --> 00:24:46.136
And now I went, oh, shit,
this kid's gonna kill me now.

472
00:24:49.836 --> 00:24:51.881
He came down with a
knife, I let go of the gun

473
00:24:51.881 --> 00:24:53.448
and I grabbed his wrist.

474
00:24:54.275 --> 00:24:56.277
And I just remember thinking

475
00:24:56.277 --> 00:24:58.845
to myself, do not let
go of this kid's wrist.

476
00:24:58.845 --> 00:25:02.457
Somehow I weaseled out of this mess

477
00:25:02.457 --> 00:25:05.852
and we got in the car and
we screwed out of there.

478
00:25:05.852 --> 00:25:07.506
And I remember as we were
leaving, I felt something kind

479
00:25:07.506 --> 00:25:09.812
of cool on my ribs and I looked down

480
00:25:09.812 --> 00:25:11.205
and he nicked me enough

481
00:25:11.205 --> 00:25:13.816
that, you know, he was
able to break the skin

482
00:25:13.816 --> 00:25:15.775
and put a small puncture in my side.

483
00:25:15.775 --> 00:25:17.559
But thank God, you know, he
never got

484
00:25:17.559 --> 00:25:21.911
that knife fully inside of
me because it was a big knife

485
00:25:21.911 --> 00:25:23.957
and for sure, I would've been dead.

486
00:25:27.351 --> 00:25:29.136
And I think about that
story every single day

487
00:25:29.136 --> 00:25:33.662
because it was such a
pivotal point in my life

488
00:25:33.662 --> 00:25:38.406
that had that shotgun
had a bullet in it, a lot

489
00:25:39.276 --> 00:25:42.366
of things would've been
different for me in my life.

490
00:25:44.281 --> 00:25:46.370
Sully pulled the trigger not knowing

491
00:25:47.328 --> 00:25:48.895
that it wasn't gonna go off.

492
00:25:48.895 --> 00:25:50.287
He would've killed this kid.

493
00:25:50.287 --> 00:25:51.941
He would've shot him, blew his
head off.

494
00:25:51.941 --> 00:25:53.421
Sully was 18 at the
time, it would've been 18

495
00:25:53.421 --> 00:25:55.815
to life for him, and I would've
went down

496
00:25:55.815 --> 00:25:57.556
with him over a spilled beer.

497
00:26:00.994 --> 00:26:02.430
There would've been a
lot of things missing,

498
00:26:02.430 --> 00:26:04.998
and I would've pretty much
spent my life in prison.

499
00:26:04.998 --> 00:26:07.914
I'm sure of it. So someone
was watching over me that day.

500
00:26:24.844 --> 00:26:27.498
I know my mom really
struggled in the early days

501
00:26:27.498 --> 00:26:29.022
when we lived in Lawrence.

502
00:26:29.022 --> 00:26:31.024
There was just no money coming in

503
00:26:31.024 --> 00:26:33.417
and she was working as much as
she could.

504
00:26:33.417 --> 00:26:36.725
And she struggled a lot
more than I even realized

505
00:26:36.725 --> 00:26:37.770
at the time.

506
00:26:38.771 --> 00:26:41.251
Yet somehow she always
found a way to make it work.

507
00:26:42.644 --> 00:26:44.037
I don't know how she did it.

508
00:26:44.037 --> 00:26:45.473
Year after year, I was in so
much trouble

509
00:26:45.473 --> 00:26:47.344
and my friends were in so much trouble

510
00:26:47.344 --> 00:26:50.565
and yet my house was
always the house to go to.

511
00:26:52.698 --> 00:26:55.396
Whenever someone was really
getting their kicked at home

512
00:26:55.396 --> 00:26:58.921
or needed to get away, it was
my house they ended up at.

513
00:27:00.488 --> 00:27:01.837
Sully, came home one night

514
00:27:01.837 --> 00:27:03.230
and he says, "Mom, can I talk
with you?"

515
00:27:03.230 --> 00:27:04.448
And I said, "Sure."

516
00:27:04.448 --> 00:27:05.798
He says, "I have a friend, Rick Jarvis,

517
00:27:05.798 --> 00:27:08.931
it's the winter and he's
sleeping in his car."

518
00:27:08.931 --> 00:27:10.106
And I said, "Oh my God."

519
00:27:10.106 --> 00:27:12.195
I say, "Go get him and bring him
here."

520
00:27:12.195 --> 00:27:13.066
Connie.

521
00:27:14.807 --> 00:27:17.897
Listen man, if there was
ever an angel, it's his ma.

522
00:27:19.638 --> 00:27:20.987
That's just the truth, man.

523
00:27:24.381 --> 00:27:26.166
She saved my life. He saved my life.

524
00:27:27.950 --> 00:27:29.996
It's a fact, you know.

525
00:27:31.562 --> 00:27:34.000
I was sleeping in my car
outside his house every night.

526
00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:37.046
And then eventually she just
said, "Tell him to come in,"

527
00:27:37.046 --> 00:27:39.179
and that's how his mother was.

528
00:27:39.179 --> 00:27:40.746
You know, she was a sweetheart.

529
00:27:42.182 --> 00:27:43.531
You know, it's funny.

530
00:27:43.531 --> 00:27:47.927
My mom is really a very
honest, simple person

531
00:27:47.927 --> 00:27:52.322
and yet she's harboring all
these punks

532
00:27:52.322 --> 00:27:56.413
and criminals that I
called my friends.

533
00:27:56.413 --> 00:27:59.068
I knew where they were,
what they were doing.

534
00:27:59.068 --> 00:28:00.809
I didn't have to worry.

535
00:28:00.809 --> 00:28:04.683
And my mom used to say, "Oh,
how do you stand all these boys

536
00:28:04.683 --> 00:28:06.467
at your house all the time?"

537
00:28:07.337 --> 00:28:09.557
And I tell her, "I know they're
with me

538
00:28:09.557 --> 00:28:10.863
and they're not in any trouble."

539
00:28:20.046 --> 00:28:21.395
I had met this girl, Michelle.

540
00:28:21.395 --> 00:28:23.658
It was one of my first
really intense loves

541
00:28:23.658 --> 00:28:26.226
and she and I fell in love
pretty quickly.

542
00:28:27.836 --> 00:28:28.924
Michelle was a looker.

543
00:28:28.924 --> 00:28:30.621
It's easy to see why Sully liked her

544
00:28:30.621 --> 00:28:33.320
and teenagers, hormones are
going crazy,

545
00:28:33.320 --> 00:28:34.234
what do you think?

546
00:28:35.278 --> 00:28:39.326
So there was this one day
when I was walking to the store

547
00:28:39.326 --> 00:28:41.894
that was down the block from my house,

548
00:28:41.894 --> 00:28:43.939
and this car screeched and
pulled up in front of me

549
00:28:43.939 --> 00:28:46.028
and these four guys jumped out

550
00:28:46.028 --> 00:28:49.075
and they were basically
asking me if I knew Michelle.

551
00:28:50.641 --> 00:28:51.991
And they put me up against the wall

552
00:28:51.991 --> 00:28:53.644
and they started threatening
me, basically saying

553
00:28:53.644 --> 00:28:56.691
that if they see me with her
again, they're gonna come back

554
00:28:56.691 --> 00:28:57.648
and fucking kill me.

555
00:29:00.042 --> 00:29:01.914
You know, later on when I
had confronted Michelle,

556
00:29:01.914 --> 00:29:04.133
she had told me that her boyfriend

557
00:29:04.133 --> 00:29:06.832
that had confronted me
earlier was actually

558
00:29:06.832 --> 00:29:08.529
in a gang called the Tenney
Street Gang

559
00:29:08.529 --> 00:29:09.791
that lived up the street.

560
00:29:11.358 --> 00:29:12.576
And I'm like, "Oh gee,
you couldn't have thought

561
00:29:12.576 --> 00:29:13.708
to tell me that before we
started dating

562
00:29:13.708 --> 00:29:15.666
that your boyfriend was in a
gang?"

563
00:29:15.666 --> 00:29:18.626
So we were taking a little
stoner snap in my bedroom,

564
00:29:19.627 --> 00:29:22.108
and I woke up to all these
screeches and screaming

565
00:29:22.108 --> 00:29:24.588
and yelling, and someone
was arguing outside.

566
00:29:24.588 --> 00:29:27.330
I had looked out this window
here in my dining room,

567
00:29:27.330 --> 00:29:28.854
and I had seen all these cars

568
00:29:28.854 --> 00:29:30.638
that had stopped in front of the house.

569
00:29:30.638 --> 00:29:34.294
And my friend Rick happened
to be standing in the yard

570
00:29:34.294 --> 00:29:36.731
and I remember him
confronting a guy right here.

571
00:29:36.731 --> 00:29:38.037
These two dudes walk up

572
00:29:38.951 --> 00:29:40.213
and they're like, Hey
man, you know Sully?"

573
00:29:40.213 --> 00:29:42.563
And I'm like, "Yeah, I
fucking know him, yeah."

574
00:29:43.607 --> 00:29:45.479
"Well, he screwing with my
girlfriend."

575
00:29:45.479 --> 00:29:46.915
And I said, "Well, that's
your problem, man."

576
00:29:46.915 --> 00:29:48.395
I said, "If you got an issue

577
00:29:48.395 --> 00:29:49.396
with Sully, you take care
of it in the street."

578
00:29:49.396 --> 00:29:50.919
And he opens up the gate

579
00:29:50.919 --> 00:29:53.922
and he says, "Nah, we're
gonna take care of it now."

580
00:29:53.922 --> 00:29:54.836
And I says, "You ain't
going in the house,'

581
00:29:54.836 --> 00:29:56.316
and I hit the motherfucker

582
00:29:56.316 --> 00:29:58.100
and I went on top of the other guy.

583
00:29:58.971 --> 00:30:00.668
So the next thing you know,
these cars are pulling up.

584
00:30:00.668 --> 00:30:02.975
And then they all
started jumping on him.

585
00:30:02.975 --> 00:30:06.282
And there was this big,
crazy brawl going on

586
00:30:06.282 --> 00:30:07.544
in front of my house.

587
00:30:08.458 --> 00:30:10.896
They were throwing bottles
and coming over the fence

588
00:30:10.896 --> 00:30:13.507
and putting the arms through the windows.

589
00:30:13.507 --> 00:30:15.770
So I immediately ran back in
my bedroom

590
00:30:15.770 --> 00:30:17.206
and I grabbed a baseball bat

591
00:30:18.120 --> 00:30:19.818
and I came screaming out of my bedroom

592
00:30:19.818 --> 00:30:22.516
and my mother grabbed onto my
fucking head

593
00:30:22.516 --> 00:30:25.388
and pulled me backwards through
the door.

594
00:30:25.388 --> 00:30:27.303
And she was like, "Don't
you go out there."

595
00:30:27.303 --> 00:30:29.001
And I'm thinking, what the fuck?

596
00:30:29.001 --> 00:30:32.308
Rick's getting jumped by
like 25 kids right now.

597
00:30:32.308 --> 00:30:33.527
I have to help.

598
00:30:34.441 --> 00:30:36.356
There was some kid that had
hopped over on the fence

599
00:30:36.356 --> 00:30:38.053
and in our yard at the time, it
was one

600
00:30:38.053 --> 00:30:39.707
of those old push lawnmowers.

601
00:30:39.707 --> 00:30:41.230
And the kid had it up over his head

602
00:30:41.230 --> 00:30:44.277
and he was gonna smash it
on the back of Rick's head.

603
00:30:44.277 --> 00:30:46.192
And Connie's grabbed
onto Sully apparently,

604
00:30:46.192 --> 00:30:50.065
and I hear him, "Look
out for the lawnmower,"

605
00:30:50.065 --> 00:30:52.111
and this fucking lawnmower comes flying

606
00:30:52.111 --> 00:30:53.373
over my fucking head.

607
00:30:55.766 --> 00:30:58.160
It scared me to death.

608
00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:01.381
My brother-in-law came
down. He had a shotgun

609
00:31:01.381 --> 00:31:03.818
Once these guys seen
the shotgun, a bunch

610
00:31:03.818 --> 00:31:06.255
of those kids scattered as well.

611
00:31:06.255 --> 00:31:07.604
It was just this excessive amount

612
00:31:07.604 --> 00:31:10.303
of blood all over the front yard.

613
00:31:10.303 --> 00:31:12.783
I mean, it was psychotic. It
was chaos.

614
00:31:12.783 --> 00:31:14.350
I mean, the house was destroyed

615
00:31:15.351 --> 00:31:17.788
When the cops got there,
my uncle was talking to them

616
00:31:17.788 --> 00:31:19.660
and I had went inside.

617
00:31:19.660 --> 00:31:22.097
And I remember my mom
sitting at the kitchen table

618
00:31:22.097 --> 00:31:25.535
and she was hysterically
crying to the point

619
00:31:25.535 --> 00:31:27.668
where she couldn't catch her breath.

620
00:31:27.668 --> 00:31:29.322
It was just too intense for her.

621
00:31:30.410 --> 00:31:32.673
As the weeks went by, it just
got worse.

622
00:31:32.673 --> 00:31:37.069
It got to the point that it
was either get out of there

623
00:31:37.069 --> 00:31:38.766
or end up in the nuthouse.

624
00:31:40.159 --> 00:31:42.291
After that whole nightmare happened,

625
00:31:43.292 --> 00:31:44.815
she had a nervous breakdown.

626
00:31:45.860 --> 00:31:49.081
She was a mess and she moved us away

627
00:31:50.778 --> 00:31:53.302
and that was the last time
I ever lived in Lawrence.

628
00:31:59.830 --> 00:32:01.267
I was just done with Lawrence.

629
00:32:01.267 --> 00:32:02.921
I was so tired of getting in trouble.

630
00:32:02.921 --> 00:32:06.620
I was so tired of the fights
and the violence and the crime

631
00:32:07.534 --> 00:32:09.188
and everything else that
was really consuming me

632
00:32:09.188 --> 00:32:12.234
and taking away from this
gift that I'd been born with

633
00:32:12.234 --> 00:32:14.671
that I really wanted to pursue
even more

634
00:32:14.671 --> 00:32:17.892
so that when the opportunity
arose to go

635
00:32:18.937 --> 00:32:20.329
to Fayetteville, it wasn't
even really a decision.

636
00:32:20.329 --> 00:32:21.200
I was ready.

637
00:32:22.418 --> 00:32:25.291
I didn't have anything back in Lawrence

638
00:32:25.291 --> 00:32:28.250
so when he decided to go,
I decided to go with him.

639
00:32:29.643 --> 00:32:31.036
Once my mom decided

640
00:32:31.036 --> 00:32:32.733
that she was moving me,
she took the whole crew,

641
00:32:32.733 --> 00:32:36.041
basically everyone who was
living in my house in Lawrence.

642
00:32:36.041 --> 00:32:37.303
I had no family.

643
00:32:37.303 --> 00:32:39.435
My family was Sully and Connie
and going

644
00:32:39.435 --> 00:32:42.003
to North Carolina was
probably the best damn thing

645
00:32:42.003 --> 00:32:43.265
that ever happened to me.

646
00:32:44.963 --> 00:32:46.355
When Sully told me he was
moving down

647
00:32:46.355 --> 00:32:48.096
to North Carolina, I was heartbroken.

648
00:32:48.096 --> 00:32:50.011
I was losing my fucking best friend.

649
00:32:52.622 --> 00:32:56.017
We're talking rural Fayetteville.

650
00:32:56.017 --> 00:32:58.541
Birds are chirping in trees.

651
00:32:58.541 --> 00:33:01.936
The neighbors are like,
"Hi. Nice to meet you.

652
00:33:01.936 --> 00:33:03.329
What school did you go to?"

653
00:33:03.329 --> 00:33:04.721
And I'm like, "What?"

654
00:33:04.721 --> 00:33:06.462
The school of hard fucking
knocks, you asshole.

655
00:33:08.247 --> 00:33:11.380
I remember when I first
got to Fayetteville, I went

656
00:33:11.380 --> 00:33:15.080
to the mall to go look
for some kids my age

657
00:33:15.080 --> 00:33:17.908
that would lead me to the music community.

658
00:33:17.908 --> 00:33:19.606
You know, I still had my long hair

659
00:33:19.606 --> 00:33:22.043
and I still looked like a musician.

660
00:33:22.043 --> 00:33:25.046
I had my tattoos and that
whole thing going on.

661
00:33:25.046 --> 00:33:26.569
I remember walking through the mall

662
00:33:26.569 --> 00:33:30.008
and I started hearing someone
heckling me from behind.

663
00:33:31.139 --> 00:33:32.749
I just ignored at first.

664
00:33:32.749 --> 00:33:34.186
And I could hear sounds of like,
"Oh, it's Eddie Van Halen,"

665
00:33:34.186 --> 00:33:36.405
or, "Oh, it's Ace Frehley,"
and blah, blah blah.

666
00:33:36.405 --> 00:33:38.929
And being raised in Lawrence, I
was taught

667
00:33:38.929 --> 00:33:41.541
to stand up for myself
and never back down.

668
00:33:41.541 --> 00:33:45.197
And so I hauled off and
punched the kid right

669
00:33:46.154 --> 00:33:47.155
in the face and I walked away.

670
00:33:47.155 --> 00:33:48.504
And as I was walking out

671
00:33:48.504 --> 00:33:50.898
of the doors, these two
sheriffs were coming in

672
00:33:50.898 --> 00:33:53.379
and within seconds I heard,
"Hey,"

673
00:33:54.684 --> 00:33:57.165
and I turned around and it was
the sheriff calling me over

674
00:33:57.165 --> 00:33:59.863
and I went to jail.

675
00:34:01.604 --> 00:34:03.041
And that was my first experience.

676
00:34:03.041 --> 00:34:04.651
Within two days of me being
in North Carolina, I had

677
00:34:04.651 --> 00:34:07.349
to call my mom from the local jail.

678
00:34:07.349 --> 00:34:08.698
She was like, "Where are you?"

679
00:34:08.698 --> 00:34:12.050
I said, 'Well, I'm in jail."

680
00:34:13.268 --> 00:34:14.617
She's like, Are you fucking
kidding me?

681
00:34:14.617 --> 00:34:15.966
We just got to this
place. What did you do?"

682
00:34:15.966 --> 00:34:18.578
Once again, you can take
the boy outta the city,

683
00:34:18.578 --> 00:34:20.014
but you can't take the city
outta the boy.

684
00:34:22.973 --> 00:34:24.279
It was near Fort Bragg,
so it's all military.

685
00:34:24.279 --> 00:34:26.020
Me and Sully had long hair

686
00:34:26.020 --> 00:34:28.849
so we'd walk into a bar
and it's all skinheads.

687
00:34:28.849 --> 00:34:30.503
So we'd hang out with the band members,

688
00:34:30.503 --> 00:34:31.808
you know, "Hey, what's up guys?"

689
00:34:31.808 --> 00:34:34.028
'Cause they didn't have
long hair, you know?

690
00:34:34.028 --> 00:34:35.682
And so it didn't last long for me.

691
00:34:35.682 --> 00:34:38.076
I was there maybe a few weeks
and I had to get out of there.

692
00:34:38.076 --> 00:34:40.643
You know, it was very lame compared

693
00:34:40.643 --> 00:34:42.819
to the exciting city life, you know.

694
00:34:44.386 --> 00:34:46.736
It was the first time I
had really seen, you know,

695
00:34:46.736 --> 00:34:48.390
a new life surfacing for me.

696
00:34:48.390 --> 00:34:52.090
And of course my first mission
was to just find musicians.

697
00:34:52.090 --> 00:34:54.831
So I found some kids that kind
of drifted

698
00:34:54.831 --> 00:34:57.269
into the mall, hanging around
the arcade

699
00:34:57.269 --> 00:34:59.662
that had long hair and
looked like musicians.

700
00:34:59.662 --> 00:35:01.577
And so I approached some
of them and one of the kids

701
00:35:01.577 --> 00:35:04.145
that I approached, his
name was Jon Robbins,

702
00:35:04.145 --> 00:35:06.191
and he was a drummer too.

703
00:35:06.191 --> 00:35:07.801
Music back then was
kind of what you had.

704
00:35:07.801 --> 00:35:10.412
That's all we did, was play
music, think about music, try

705
00:35:10.412 --> 00:35:12.066
and be better at music.

706
00:35:12.066 --> 00:35:14.112
And back in the eighties, when
you got in a band, everybody

707
00:35:14.112 --> 00:35:15.852
in the band knew the term, "make
it."

708
00:35:15.852 --> 00:35:19.117
What that meant back then was
that you got a record deal

709
00:35:19.117 --> 00:35:21.380
and the way to get a record deal,

710
00:35:21.380 --> 00:35:22.685
at least from our
understanding, you would go

711
00:35:22.685 --> 00:35:25.297
and get in a band, try
and get really good,

712
00:35:25.297 --> 00:35:29.518
and then you would go out on
the road and you would suffer.

713
00:35:29.518 --> 00:35:31.564
And then at some point,
somebody would see you

714
00:35:31.564 --> 00:35:33.740
in a big club and say, "Yeah,
we're gonna sign that band."

715
00:35:33.740 --> 00:35:34.784
We're gonna make it.

716
00:35:37.526 --> 00:35:39.006
Fewer than one half

717
00:35:39.006 --> 00:35:41.443
of 1% ever get contracts
with record companies.

718
00:35:41.443 --> 00:35:43.793
What happens to the other 99.5%

719
00:35:43.793 --> 00:35:45.708
while they're waiting for the
big break?

720
00:35:45.708 --> 00:35:47.188
Well, they play wherever
they can get anyone

721
00:35:47.188 --> 00:35:48.842
to listen to them.

722
00:35:48.842 --> 00:35:52.498
And they practice in basements
and garages across America.

723
00:35:57.764 --> 00:35:59.331
When we first moved to North Carolina,

724
00:35:59.331 --> 00:36:02.203
and Sully had joined with
this band called Meliah Kraze.

725
00:36:02.203 --> 00:36:03.857
The longhaired freaky fuckers?
Yeah.

726
00:36:03.857 --> 00:36:05.859
It was a hair band.

727
00:36:05.859 --> 00:36:06.990
We called ourselves Meliah Kraze,

728
00:36:06.990 --> 00:36:08.470
and we looked fucking ridiculous.

729
00:36:09.428 --> 00:36:10.690
You know, we were dead smack in
the middle

730
00:36:10.690 --> 00:36:12.474
of the eighties and
all that at that point.

731
00:36:12.474 --> 00:36:13.954
That music, you know,
it was big at that time.

732
00:36:13.954 --> 00:36:16.304
It was the biggest music
in the world, probably.

733
00:36:17.392 --> 00:36:18.959
They reminded me of Motley
Crue and Rat,

734
00:36:18.959 --> 00:36:21.918
which was something Sully
and I, we listened to it back

735
00:36:23.137 --> 00:36:24.617
in Lawrence, but kind of grew
past it.

736
00:36:24.617 --> 00:36:27.707
I was like, "Jesus Christ,
man, there's no way

737
00:36:27.707 --> 00:36:29.622
Sully's gonna go with
these guys," but he did.

738
00:36:29.622 --> 00:36:31.450
So I mean, it is what it is

739
00:36:31.450 --> 00:36:33.365
and that's really where it started.

740
00:36:37.673 --> 00:36:39.632
Even though we looked
like fucking a bad version

741
00:36:39.632 --> 00:36:44.550
of Twisted Sister, Meliah Kraze
was actually the first band

742
00:36:45.420 --> 00:36:46.508
that I got on the road with,

743
00:36:48.249 --> 00:36:49.642
and getting a little bit of
money for it.

744
00:36:49.642 --> 00:36:50.730
It wasn't much.

745
00:36:51.731 --> 00:36:55.822
I mean, we were playing for,
you know, beer or 50 bucks.

746
00:36:55.822 --> 00:36:57.215
We lived off of ramen noodles, oodles

747
00:36:57.215 --> 00:36:58.477
and noodles, all that stuff,

748
00:36:58.477 --> 00:37:01.131
that was like breakfast, lunch,
and dinner

749
00:37:01.131 --> 00:37:02.524
but it was only once a day.

750
00:37:04.352 --> 00:37:07.355
But we were on the road, and
that's all I cared about.

751
00:37:10.053 --> 00:37:12.708
And he started playing
around North Carolina,

752
00:37:12.708 --> 00:37:15.145
Of course, you know, mommy
would pack up the cars

753
00:37:15.145 --> 00:37:16.973
and drive the equipment.

754
00:37:16.973 --> 00:37:21.282
And I spent my life
delivering drums to the world.

755
00:37:23.502 --> 00:37:25.547
I was, you know, starting to
really live

756
00:37:25.547 --> 00:37:27.767
that lifestyle as a musician

757
00:37:27.767 --> 00:37:30.900
and the partying, the drinking.

758
00:37:30.900 --> 00:37:32.859
It was also,

759
00:37:32.859 --> 00:37:37.820
when I first started really
getting a lot deeper into coke.

760
00:37:37.820 --> 00:37:40.127
I had met this girl named Arlene

761
00:37:41.128 --> 00:37:44.000
and I remember that we were
in our apartment one weekend

762
00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:48.091
and we went through a bag of
coke that was probably like

763
00:37:48.091 --> 00:37:53.096
that big and it was cigarettes
and coke and beer and coke

764
00:37:54.228 --> 00:37:55.795
and this went on for three days.

765
00:37:55.795 --> 00:37:59.625
Finally, we realized that
we were doing too much coke

766
00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:02.236
and when you have that much cocaine

767
00:38:02.236 --> 00:38:04.630
in your system, it's just
brutal coming off of it.

768
00:38:04.630 --> 00:38:08.286
And it was the night that
changed my life

769
00:38:08.286 --> 00:38:12.159
because I guess I had in the middle

770
00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:17.120
of the night started choking on
my uvula,

771
00:38:17.512 --> 00:38:18.861
which is the little thing

772
00:38:18.861 --> 00:38:20.298
that dangles in the back of your throat.

773
00:38:20.298 --> 00:38:23.605
It had swollen up to
the size of like a plum

774
00:38:23.605 --> 00:38:24.867
and I had swallowed it.

775
00:38:25.868 --> 00:38:28.262
And I don't remember this part,

776
00:38:28.262 --> 00:38:31.396
but Arlene thankfully was there
next to me

777
00:38:31.396 --> 00:38:34.747
and she heard me choking and
woke me up.

778
00:38:36.270 --> 00:38:39.926
And I remember literally having
to pull it out of my throat

779
00:38:39.926 --> 00:38:42.668
because it got lodged back there

780
00:38:42.668 --> 00:38:45.366
and I was that close to death.

781
00:38:46.324 --> 00:38:48.978
And if Arlene wasn't there

782
00:38:48.978 --> 00:38:51.677
to wake me up, I would've
died in my sleep.

783
00:38:51.677 --> 00:38:55.768
And it scared me so bad, I quit
doing coke

784
00:38:55.768 --> 00:38:59.206
and any kind of hard drug forever.

785
00:38:59.206 --> 00:39:01.251
And I was 21 years old,

786
00:39:01.251 --> 00:39:03.341
and I had never touched a drug again.

787
00:39:19.574 --> 00:39:22.708
Right around the time Meliah
Kraze was breaking up, one day

788
00:39:22.708 --> 00:39:26.059
when we were doing a
club and the sound man,

789
00:39:26.059 --> 00:39:29.236
who was named Todd Jackson,
he'd seen me play that night

790
00:39:29.236 --> 00:39:31.151
and he approached me.

791
00:39:31.151 --> 00:39:32.848
I was in a band called Lexx Luthor,

792
00:39:32.848 --> 00:39:35.634
and we needed a drummer at the time.

793
00:39:35.634 --> 00:39:38.637
So we brought Sully in for an audition

794
00:39:38.637 --> 00:39:42.554
and it was amazing to play with
a drummer

795
00:39:42.554 --> 00:39:45.687
with that much precision,
as fast as he could play

796
00:39:45.687 --> 00:39:48.298
and still be precise.

797
00:40:00.354 --> 00:40:02.138
See, I remember the bass player,

798
00:40:02.138 --> 00:40:04.706
Robert and I, we walked out back.

799
00:40:04.706 --> 00:40:06.229
We're standing there
taking a piss together,

800
00:40:06.229 --> 00:40:07.970
and Robert looks at me

801
00:40:07.970 --> 00:40:11.844
and he goes, "Man, Sully's
good."

802
00:40:13.454 --> 00:40:15.848
So he was in the band after that.

803
00:40:19.112 --> 00:40:22.594
It was for me, a step
above where I wanted to be

804
00:40:22.594 --> 00:40:25.423
and I felt like it was
much more at my level.

805
00:40:25.423 --> 00:40:27.686
And that really became my obsession

806
00:40:27.686 --> 00:40:29.383
at that point was now I'm
starting

807
00:40:30.384 --> 00:40:32.342
to think this is about
writing our own music

808
00:40:32.342 --> 00:40:34.301
and trying to get a
record label interested

809
00:40:34.301 --> 00:40:36.434
so we could do this
for a living, for real.

810
00:40:38.610 --> 00:40:40.612
We wanted to get signed.
We wanted a record deal.

811
00:40:40.612 --> 00:40:42.570
And we wanted to write original tunes.

812
00:40:43.441 --> 00:40:45.268
We knew what we were gonna
have to do to get there.

813
00:40:45.268 --> 00:40:47.575
We were gonna have to
give up a lot to do it.

814
00:40:47.575 --> 00:40:49.098
Sully was more than willing

815
00:40:49.098 --> 00:40:52.624
to give up whatever it
took to get to that point.

816
00:40:57.324 --> 00:40:58.804
Todd started telling me

817
00:40:58.804 --> 00:41:02.024
about this kid named Shannon Larkin,

818
00:41:02.024 --> 00:41:06.202
that was supposedly this really
great drummer in the area

819
00:41:06.202 --> 00:41:08.422
that played with a band called Wrathchild.

820
00:41:15.821 --> 00:41:18.171
So one day we went to
this club called The Attic,

821
00:41:18.171 --> 00:41:21.261
and Wrathchild came on stage.

822
00:41:22.523 --> 00:41:24.917
And I remember watching this kid
come out

823
00:41:24.917 --> 00:41:28.660
from behind the drums and my
fucking jaw hit the floor.

824
00:41:28.660 --> 00:41:32.446
I had never seen a drummer, so animated

825
00:41:32.446 --> 00:41:35.275
and such a great live performer

826
00:41:35.275 --> 00:41:38.931
and his showmanship was by
far the best I've ever seen.

827
00:41:39.801 --> 00:41:41.368
It was like he was making
love to the drum set.

828
00:41:41.368 --> 00:41:44.023
And at one point I started
thinking, I'm gonna go home

829
00:41:44.023 --> 00:41:45.590
and literally take my drums

830
00:41:45.590 --> 00:41:47.374
and throw 'em right through
the fucking wood chipper.

831
00:41:47.374 --> 00:41:48.941
Like, I don't even want
to play drums anymore.

832
00:41:48.941 --> 00:41:50.856
This is ridiculous,
what this kid was doing

833
00:41:50.856 --> 00:41:52.205
behind the drum set.

834
00:41:52.205 --> 00:41:54.250
From that point on, it
changed the whole way

835
00:41:54.250 --> 00:41:56.209
I looked at drums,

836
00:41:56.209 --> 00:41:58.951
I saw Sully, and he
kicked ass on the drums.

837
00:41:58.951 --> 00:42:01.344
We pretty much formed a fast friendship

838
00:42:01.344 --> 00:42:05.261
that continued all the way up
till now.

839
00:42:06.785 --> 00:42:08.438
Yeah, I think you have
to really get into it

840
00:42:08.438 --> 00:42:09.962
to be like a heavy metal band.

841
00:42:11.398 --> 00:42:12.834
And that, that's what I like to see

842
00:42:12.834 --> 00:42:14.357
when I walk into the club

843
00:42:14.357 --> 00:42:15.837
'cause you can feel the
energy flowing off the stage.

844
00:42:15.837 --> 00:42:19.058
It's like, ugh.

845
00:42:19.058 --> 00:42:21.364
Shannon showed me showmanship,

846
00:42:21.364 --> 00:42:23.976
and to me, that was
elevated to another level.

847
00:42:23.976 --> 00:42:26.239
So now I needed to incorporate everything

848
00:42:26.239 --> 00:42:29.590
that I knew about drumming
and be visually great.

849
00:42:29.590 --> 00:42:34.247
And I ripped him off. I
fucking stole all his shit.

850
00:42:34.247 --> 00:42:36.162
I started swinging fucking hands.

851
00:42:36.162 --> 00:42:37.467
But I don't feel so bad now

852
00:42:37.467 --> 00:42:40.209
because I've learned throughout
the years

853
00:42:40.209 --> 00:42:42.385
that almost every drummer

854
00:42:42.385 --> 00:42:45.127
in rock has ripped off Shannon Larkin.

855
00:42:59.489 --> 00:43:02.492
At one point we found a new singer,

856
00:43:02.492 --> 00:43:03.929
and his name was Dennis Bauer.

857
00:43:03.929 --> 00:43:07.889
I had drove with him and
his wife to rehearsal.

858
00:43:07.889 --> 00:43:12.894
And on the way back from rehearsal
that night, I had started

859
00:43:13.547 --> 00:43:15.941
to get this weird sensation in
my chest,

860
00:43:15.941 --> 00:43:19.379
and my left arm started to
go numb and I felt this pain

861
00:43:19.379 --> 00:43:21.511
and my hand started tingling.

862
00:43:21.511 --> 00:43:24.036
And the more I thought about
it, the more nervous I got.

863
00:43:24.036 --> 00:43:26.691
And he could see something was
going on.

864
00:43:26.691 --> 00:43:28.518
And he asked me if I was okay

865
00:43:28.518 --> 00:43:29.824
and I said, "You know, I don't
think so."

866
00:43:33.045 --> 00:43:34.655
Dennis had called me

867
00:43:34.655 --> 00:43:36.004
and he said, "Man," he said,
"Something's up with Sully.

868
00:43:36.004 --> 00:43:39.399
You know, he is just
not doing real great."

869
00:43:42.663 --> 00:43:44.230
Next thing you know, I'm
sitting

870
00:43:44.230 --> 00:43:46.406
in an emergency room, wired
up to all these electrodes

871
00:43:46.406 --> 00:43:48.800
and machines and wondering
what's going on

872
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:50.453
and looking at these white lights

873
00:43:50.453 --> 00:43:52.934
and thinking, you know, am I
gonna die?

874
00:43:52.934 --> 00:43:56.372
And at one point I started
thinking, man, am I gonna be one

875
00:43:56.372 --> 00:43:57.983
of these unfortunate kids that

876
00:43:57.983 --> 00:43:59.811
at the age of 21 has a heart
attack?

877
00:43:59.811 --> 00:44:03.292
And they started to run some
EKGs on me

878
00:44:04.729 --> 00:44:07.122
and trying to find out
what the problem was.

879
00:44:07.122 --> 00:44:10.822
But every test they ran, there
was no signs of anything.

880
00:44:10.822 --> 00:44:13.259
They're like, "Your heart's
strong,

881
00:44:13.259 --> 00:44:17.524
your blood pressure's
good, and we don't know."

882
00:44:17.524 --> 00:44:18.656
And so I remember going home

883
00:44:18.656 --> 00:44:20.048
that night and I was really confused

884
00:44:20.048 --> 00:44:23.008
because something weird
had happened to me,

885
00:44:23.008 --> 00:44:25.575
and there was no proof of it.

886
00:44:25.575 --> 00:44:28.666
They're telling me it's anxiety,

887
00:44:28.666 --> 00:44:31.146
and I didn't know what
the fuck anxiety was.

888
00:44:31.146 --> 00:44:34.933
That really started a
series of events in my life

889
00:44:34.933 --> 00:44:37.326
that changed my life to this day.

890
00:44:39.067 --> 00:44:41.766
There was times where these
anxiety attacks would hit me

891
00:44:41.766 --> 00:44:44.377
when I'd be in the middle
of a club hanging out

892
00:44:44.377 --> 00:44:46.945
with my friends, or I'd be
here or there in public.

893
00:44:46.945 --> 00:44:49.295
And I remember it started to
bother me

894
00:44:49.295 --> 00:44:51.863
so much that I stopped going out

895
00:44:51.863 --> 00:44:54.692
and I started alienating
myself from my friends.

896
00:44:54.692 --> 00:44:58.260
He would stay downstairs
off to his self more.

897
00:44:59.261 --> 00:45:00.567
He was just more secluded.

898
00:45:00.567 --> 00:45:02.395
He didn't wanna be around a lot
of people.

899
00:45:02.395 --> 00:45:05.746
I do remember Sully being
extremely edgy

900
00:45:05.746 --> 00:45:08.401
to get outta North Carolina.

901
00:45:08.401 --> 00:45:09.619
He wanted a way to get out.

902
00:45:10.708 --> 00:45:12.187
I couldn't stay in North Carolina.

903
00:45:12.187 --> 00:45:15.016
It was just a place that was
becoming very dark to me.

904
00:45:15.016 --> 00:45:19.151
I wasn't really playing
music anymore at that time.

905
00:45:19.151 --> 00:45:21.588
I couldn't find any good
memories there anymore.

906
00:45:42.174 --> 00:45:44.524
You know, I always try
to get in touch with him.

907
00:45:44.524 --> 00:45:46.178
And one of the things over here

908
00:45:46.178 --> 00:45:50.530
that it was hard for me is when
he didn't answer, you know.

909
00:45:50.530 --> 00:45:55.535
So obviously, you know, I
miss him when he's away, okay.

910
00:45:56.623 --> 00:45:58.190
I wish I could have him more,

911
00:45:58.190 --> 00:46:00.366
but he also needed his freedom.

912
00:46:00.366 --> 00:46:03.325
And to me, he was never gone

913
00:46:03.325 --> 00:46:05.719
because he was always on my mind.

914
00:46:05.719 --> 00:46:06.764
It was hard.

915
00:46:07.721 --> 00:46:09.592
It was very hard for me

916
00:46:09.592 --> 00:46:12.944
to accept the fact that he's
gone away

917
00:46:12.944 --> 00:46:15.207
because I always wanted
him over here, you know.

918
00:46:18.384 --> 00:46:22.910
Sully stayed down here
for I think three years

919
00:46:22.910 --> 00:46:26.348
and decided he was gonna
go back to Lawrence.

920
00:46:26.348 --> 00:46:28.046
I wasn't happy about it,

921
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:31.266
but he had grown up a little bit more.

922
00:46:31.266 --> 00:46:34.226
And I think seeing maybe the way
life was

923
00:46:34.226 --> 00:46:38.621
down here, he wouldn't go back
to Lawrence

924
00:46:38.621 --> 00:46:43.626
and get back into that rough
area that we lived through.

925
00:46:46.673 --> 00:46:48.196
And so I talked to Jon Robbins
one day

926
00:46:48.196 --> 00:46:50.242
and I'm like, "Hey man, what
do you think about coming

927
00:46:50.242 --> 00:46:51.199
to check out Boston?

928
00:46:51.199 --> 00:46:52.287
You know, I thought it'd be cool

929
00:46:52.287 --> 00:46:53.245
to have a friend from down
there."

930
00:46:53.245 --> 00:46:55.160
Boston sounded exciting to me.

931
00:46:55.160 --> 00:46:57.510
It was a big city and a new scene

932
00:46:57.510 --> 00:47:00.513
and maybe we could make it there.

933
00:47:04.560 --> 00:47:05.823
There was a
scene happening in Boston.

934
00:47:05.823 --> 00:47:07.737
You know, Boston's been
known over the years

935
00:47:08.782 --> 00:47:10.915
to have birthed a lot of great bands.

936
00:47:10.915 --> 00:47:12.873
And the scene comes and goes.

937
00:47:12.873 --> 00:47:14.962
And this was one of those times

938
00:47:14.962 --> 00:47:16.790
where it was just starting
to light up again.

939
00:47:16.790 --> 00:47:18.444
There was a lot of cool
bands playing in the clubs

940
00:47:18.444 --> 00:47:20.533
and it was a good time for music.

941
00:47:20.533 --> 00:47:24.102
âª I'm shipping up to Boston,
whoa âª

942
00:47:24.102 --> 00:47:28.889
âª I'm shipping off to find my
wooden leg âª

943
00:47:29.934 --> 00:47:32.153
So the cheapest way,
and the only way for me

944
00:47:33.198 --> 00:47:34.503
and Sully to get to Boston, Massachusetts

945
00:47:34.503 --> 00:47:37.376
from Fayetteville, North
Carolina, is on a train.

946
00:47:38.856 --> 00:47:40.379
Yeah, I'd never been
on a train before for one.

947
00:47:40.379 --> 00:47:42.598
We start out happy,
smiling, it's a great idea.

948
00:47:42.598 --> 00:47:44.774
It's a big adventure, it's gonna
be great.

949
00:47:44.774 --> 00:47:47.995
And it was an 18
and a half hour ride of hell.

950
00:47:47.995 --> 00:47:49.910
This is not fun.

951
00:47:49.910 --> 00:47:51.781
This was not a good idea
as far as the travel goes.

952
00:47:51.781 --> 00:47:55.046
And it was hot and it
was smelly

953
00:47:55.046 --> 00:47:58.658
and it just felt like it took
forever to get back to Boston.

954
00:47:59.659 --> 00:48:01.356
But finally we arrived and I was
so happy

955
00:48:01.356 --> 00:48:05.186
to see the skyline and get off
that train.

956
00:48:07.972 --> 00:48:10.235
When we got to Boston, we
had to have a place to stay.

957
00:48:10.235 --> 00:48:12.672
So we stayed with Sully's
sister, Maria,

958
00:48:12.672 --> 00:48:16.850
I had a little duplex, so
he came and lived with me.

959
00:48:16.850 --> 00:48:18.417
I was a manager of a big retail
chain here

960
00:48:18.417 --> 00:48:21.768
and I got him a job and his
friend a job

961
00:48:22.725 --> 00:48:25.250
and he would get me in a
little trouble at work.

962
00:48:26.164 --> 00:48:28.166
Sully's looking for bands.

963
00:48:28.166 --> 00:48:29.558
He's trying to find people to
play with.

964
00:48:29.558 --> 00:48:30.995
I couldn't find anybody to play with.

965
00:48:30.995 --> 00:48:32.431
I didn't quite fit in
all the way out there.

966
00:48:32.431 --> 00:48:34.346
Jon, he didn't stay
too long

967
00:48:34.346 --> 00:48:36.174
and he ended up splitting,

968
00:48:36.174 --> 00:48:38.089
so it was just kind of me and my sister.

969
00:48:38.089 --> 00:48:40.700
But the thing that came back

970
00:48:40.700 --> 00:48:43.921
to haunt me pretty quickly
was the anxiety attacks.

971
00:48:43.921 --> 00:48:47.794
Sully would have these panic
attacks, anxiety attacks,

972
00:48:47.794 --> 00:48:49.274
whatever you wanna call 'em.

973
00:48:49.274 --> 00:48:50.928
He would just get so worked up.

974
00:48:50.928 --> 00:48:52.364
I took him to the hospital

975
00:48:52.364 --> 00:48:54.627
because he thought he
was having a heart attack

976
00:48:54.627 --> 00:48:56.150
and he would freak out like

977
00:48:56.150 --> 00:48:57.935
he'd been thinking he was gonna die.

978
00:48:59.849 --> 00:49:02.765
And as time went on, the
attacks got more violent.

979
00:49:03.853 --> 00:49:05.768
They got scarier.

980
00:49:05.768 --> 00:49:08.162
Once again, I found myself in
and out

981
00:49:08.162 --> 00:49:10.948
of emergency rooms over and over again.

982
00:49:10.948 --> 00:49:14.125
I found myself being carried
into an emergency room

983
00:49:14.125 --> 00:49:16.779
at one point by my
sister over her shoulder

984
00:49:16.779 --> 00:49:19.086
because I couldn't even stand up.

985
00:49:19.086 --> 00:49:20.914
I couldn't walk. I just
was completely out of it.

986
00:49:20.914 --> 00:49:23.090
And the doctor actually said,

987
00:49:23.090 --> 00:49:25.440
"You know, this stuff can kill
you one day

988
00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:27.051
if you continue this."

989
00:49:28.574 --> 00:49:30.097
I never forgot those words.

990
00:49:30.097 --> 00:49:32.404
And at that point is when I started

991
00:49:32.404 --> 00:49:35.102
to put together a plan
to battle the anxiety,

992
00:49:36.103 --> 00:49:38.105
because I needed something
to distract my thoughts.

993
00:49:38.105 --> 00:49:40.934
My mind was becoming my worst enemy.

994
00:49:40.934 --> 00:49:44.155
And so I forced myself to
be in public situations.

995
00:49:44.155 --> 00:49:47.985
I forced myself to get
involved in music again.

996
00:49:54.513 --> 00:49:56.297
I also, you know, had reconnected

997
00:49:56.297 --> 00:49:59.300
with some of my older friends.

998
00:50:00.606 --> 00:50:03.000
When he came back around,
it was like a renewed energy

999
00:50:03.000 --> 00:50:05.785
and we picked up right where we
left off

1000
00:50:05.785 --> 00:50:08.527
because we were always
tight like brothers.

1001
00:50:08.527 --> 00:50:10.920
Yeah, I knew I'd see him again someday.

1002
00:50:10.920 --> 00:50:13.010
Even if he was gone

1003
00:50:13.010 --> 00:50:15.099
for 10 years, once he came
back, we could pick right up

1004
00:50:15.099 --> 00:50:16.317
where we left off.

1005
00:50:16.317 --> 00:50:18.363
âª Put a little tiny man in your
butt âª

1006
00:50:18.363 --> 00:50:20.234
âª Put a tin can in your butt

1007
00:50:20.234 --> 00:50:22.323
âª Say it, put everything in your
butt âª

1008
00:50:22.323 --> 00:50:23.368
âª Everybody's singing now

1009
00:50:23.368 --> 00:50:27.720
âª In your butt

1010
00:50:27.720 --> 00:50:29.374
âª Put the boogie in your butt

1011
00:50:29.374 --> 00:50:31.898
I slowly got
further and further apart

1012
00:50:31.898 --> 00:50:33.856
from the anxiety attacks.

1013
00:50:33.856 --> 00:50:35.684
Little by little, it
was just getting me back

1014
00:50:35.684 --> 00:50:37.643
to feeling like me again.

1015
00:50:46.826 --> 00:50:50.438
And finally I was finding a path again

1016
00:50:50.438 --> 00:50:53.093
through, you know, some really
good friends and my music.

1017
00:50:57.489 --> 00:50:59.230
He ended up into a band
called The Fighting Cocks,

1018
00:50:59.230 --> 00:51:02.189
which was really difficult to
try to book

1019
00:51:02.189 --> 00:51:04.757
when you had to put that
on a marquees somewhere.

1020
00:51:04.757 --> 00:51:07.281
They were really dirty
Boston Street guys.

1021
00:51:07.281 --> 00:51:10.067
I felt like I was getting
closer to my comfort zone again.

1022
00:51:10.067 --> 00:51:12.939
And I've always loved Boston.
I loved the streets of Boston.

1023
00:51:12.939 --> 00:51:15.376
I loved it because it's
where Aerosmith came from.

1024
00:51:15.376 --> 00:51:17.683
And so I was psyched to
kind of get into the streets

1025
00:51:17.683 --> 00:51:19.424
of Boston and be in a basement right

1026
00:51:19.424 --> 00:51:23.167
in downtown Boston, playing
with a rock and roll band.

1027
00:51:23.167 --> 00:51:25.473
And I joined the band.

1028
00:51:26.648 --> 00:51:30.478
I was back on the map
as a drummer in Boston

1029
00:51:30.478 --> 00:51:32.872
and making a name for myself.

1030
00:51:32.872 --> 00:51:34.265
And I thought that was really important

1031
00:51:34.265 --> 00:51:36.136
because there was a scene
happening in Boston.

1032
00:51:36.136 --> 00:51:39.792
It was the early nineties and
it was a good time for music.

1033
00:51:39.792 --> 00:51:44.449
And I had met Paul Geary
and he was just coming

1034
00:51:44.449 --> 00:51:46.494
into the height of his career.

1035
00:51:46.494 --> 00:51:48.061
He was the drummer for
a band called Extreme.

1036
00:51:49.018 --> 00:51:50.629
Sully, he'd come to my house

1037
00:51:50.629 --> 00:51:52.239
and you know, when I was off tour

1038
00:51:53.414 --> 00:51:55.808
and we hit it off right
away, became friends.

1039
00:51:56.722 --> 00:51:58.941
And I was just starstruck by Paul

1040
00:51:58.941 --> 00:52:01.553
because man, they were big
time as far as I was concerned.

1041
00:52:01.553 --> 00:52:06.166
I had never been around a
celebrity that big at that time.

1042
00:52:06.166 --> 00:52:08.255
I was just so mesmerized by
these guys.

1043
00:52:08.255 --> 00:52:10.692
They were so polished and so good.

1044
00:52:15.393 --> 00:52:16.655
After I was with the Fighting Cocks

1045
00:52:16.655 --> 00:52:19.745
for a while, I had actually
gotten a call

1046
00:52:19.745 --> 00:52:23.444
from the management company
of a band called Meliah Rage,

1047
00:52:23.444 --> 00:52:25.490
who were signed with Epic Records.

1048
00:52:28.667 --> 00:52:31.191
They were really heavy
metal, like a Metallica.

1049
00:52:31.191 --> 00:52:34.151
And it was an opportunity
for me to possibly get

1050
00:52:34.151 --> 00:52:37.545
into a band that was
signed with a record label.

1051
00:52:38.459 --> 00:52:40.853
Michael
Munro, the lead singer,

1052
00:52:40.853 --> 00:52:43.725
Meliah Rage, Master Vader.

1053
00:52:43.725 --> 00:52:45.945
When he joined Meliah
Rage, it was different.

1054
00:52:45.945 --> 00:52:47.947
It was an established band.

1055
00:52:47.947 --> 00:52:49.949
They already had a record or two out.

1056
00:52:49.949 --> 00:52:51.298
Not that they were phenomenal
and big,

1057
00:52:51.298 --> 00:52:53.909
but they were established.

1058
00:52:53.909 --> 00:52:55.259
And once again, we went out

1059
00:52:55.259 --> 00:52:57.304
and hit the club circuit.

1060
00:52:57.304 --> 00:52:59.001
We were playing everywhere
that we could get a gig.

1061
00:52:59.001 --> 00:53:00.612
They had a following already.

1062
00:53:01.526 --> 00:53:03.441
You know, there was real people
coming to see these shows.

1063
00:53:03.441 --> 00:53:05.356
I was really happy to be in that band.

1064
00:53:16.497 --> 00:53:18.282
That really pushed me further
and further

1065
00:53:18.282 --> 00:53:23.200
into getting away from
normalcy as I knew it

1066
00:53:23.200 --> 00:53:27.204
and getting back into my
fantasy land, which was music

1067
00:53:27.204 --> 00:53:28.814
'cause that was always my go-to.

1068
00:53:28.814 --> 00:53:31.208
Anytime something knocked me down,

1069
00:53:31.208 --> 00:53:35.560
it seemed like music became
this vehicle to heal me

1070
00:53:35.560 --> 00:53:37.779
and distract me and make me feel better

1071
00:53:37.779 --> 00:53:40.173
'cause when I'm on stage,
I don't think about shit.

1072
00:53:40.173 --> 00:53:42.523
It doesn't matter what just happened.

1073
00:53:42.523 --> 00:53:44.656
When I'm on stage, I go
somewhere else

1074
00:53:44.656 --> 00:53:49.313
and my music consumes me and
I lose myself in the music

1075
00:53:49.313 --> 00:53:51.445
and everything goes away just for

1076
00:53:51.445 --> 00:53:53.969
that small amount of time I'm on stage.

1077
00:53:59.366 --> 00:54:01.412
Yeah, Meliah Rage, that was a
good time.

1078
00:54:02.413 --> 00:54:06.808
It was a life of a miniature
rock and roller.

1079
00:54:12.031 --> 00:54:14.338
We decided to go to a strip club

1080
00:54:14.338 --> 00:54:19.299
and on stage was this amazing
looking girl named Lisa.

1081
00:54:20.866 --> 00:54:22.128
And I was just like

1082
00:54:26.698 --> 00:54:28.482
About that time he met this
girl, Lisa,

1083
00:54:28.482 --> 00:54:29.831
who was a stripper.

1084
00:54:29.831 --> 00:54:31.180
He got in deep fast.

1085
00:54:31.180 --> 00:54:32.617
Always together.

1086
00:54:32.617 --> 00:54:34.401
It was like instantly
they weren't apart at all.

1087
00:54:34.401 --> 00:54:35.837
She was quite the package.

1088
00:54:35.837 --> 00:54:37.317
She was every bit as
crazy as she was pretty,

1089
00:54:37.317 --> 00:54:38.405
that's for sure.

1090
00:54:38.405 --> 00:54:42.322
Just don't date strippers.

1091
00:54:44.368 --> 00:54:46.457
Went very quickly,
very fast

1092
00:54:46.457 --> 00:54:48.459
and I was crazy about this girl.

1093
00:55:01.646 --> 00:55:02.473
I'll pass.

1094
00:55:16.530 --> 00:55:17.836
Right around that same time,

1095
00:55:17.836 --> 00:55:20.926
I actually found myself
looking for work again

1096
00:55:22.014 --> 00:55:23.276
and I was struggling for money,
you know.

1097
00:55:23.276 --> 00:55:25.322
I didn't wanna live
with my sister anymore.

1098
00:55:25.322 --> 00:55:28.063
It was just too much the
responsibility for her carrying me.

1099
00:55:28.063 --> 00:55:31.850
So I had moved out and I
just kind of used my van

1100
00:55:31.850 --> 00:55:36.768
to house myself with a
blanket until Fro took me in.

1101
00:55:39.814 --> 00:55:41.860
So he came back from tour, had
no job,

1102
00:55:41.860 --> 00:55:43.470
had no place to live.

1103
00:55:43.470 --> 00:55:45.951
That's when I said, "Dude,
move in with me. I live alone.

1104
00:55:45.951 --> 00:55:47.953
You can stay at my house
as long as you want.

1105
00:55:47.953 --> 00:55:50.390
It doesn't matter. I don't
have to worry about rent.

1106
00:55:50.390 --> 00:55:51.173
Fucking, I got it covered."

1107
00:55:52.697 --> 00:55:54.655
He had this cool place
set up

1108
00:55:54.655 --> 00:55:56.657
above this restaurant called
the Cafe' 97 in Haverhill.

1109
00:55:56.657 --> 00:55:59.356
The restaurant would close
like around one o'clock

1110
00:55:59.356 --> 00:56:01.270
so he could actually
play his drums as loud

1111
00:56:01.270 --> 00:56:02.620
as he wanted and wouldn't bother anybody

1112
00:56:02.620 --> 00:56:04.317
'cause there was no houses
around nothing.

1113
00:56:09.148 --> 00:56:10.410
We were hanging out there so much

1114
00:56:10.410 --> 00:56:12.020
on the weekends, partying every weekend

1115
00:56:12.020 --> 00:56:14.501
that it was just the to-go
place.

1116
00:56:14.501 --> 00:56:16.982
Like no one even had to
know or call each other

1117
00:56:16.982 --> 00:56:18.897
and say, what are we doing
after work on a Friday?

1118
00:56:18.897 --> 00:56:21.856
Everybody would just
know to go Fro's house.

1119
00:56:21.856 --> 00:56:23.467
Waiting for the sink bomb
tournaments to start.

1120
00:56:23.467 --> 00:56:28.428
We have contestant one,
Jimmy Mustapha from Turkey.

1121
00:56:28.428 --> 00:56:30.952
So it was a really fun hang place.

1122
00:56:32.519 --> 00:56:33.259
And I think that was the
first time I started noodling

1123
00:56:33.259 --> 00:56:35.043
around on a piano too.

1124
00:56:35.043 --> 00:56:37.742
It was also the place
that I helped write some

1125
00:56:37.742 --> 00:56:40.919
of the Meliah Rage songs
that we were working on.

1126
00:56:40.919 --> 00:56:43.356
But I had learned soon after I
joined them

1127
00:56:43.356 --> 00:56:45.663
that they weren't signed
with Epic Records after all.

1128
00:56:45.663 --> 00:56:48.100
They used to be signed with Epic Records

1129
00:56:48.100 --> 00:56:49.928
and they were looking for a deal again.

1130
00:56:49.928 --> 00:56:53.410
And I'm like, fuck, I
thought I got there, man.

1131
00:56:53.410 --> 00:56:55.934
I thought I snuck my
way into a signed band

1132
00:56:55.934 --> 00:56:57.501
and I was gonna be more like Shannon

1133
00:56:57.501 --> 00:56:58.980
and playing the circuit again

1134
00:57:02.114 --> 00:57:03.463
and it wasn't that.

1135
00:57:03.463 --> 00:57:05.813
I stuck it out with them
for as long as I could,

1136
00:57:05.813 --> 00:57:09.643
but I just didn't see it
was gonna go anywhere.

1137
00:57:12.124 --> 00:57:14.256
But I didn't want to quit either,

1138
00:57:14.256 --> 00:57:17.172
because I really loved these
guys and they were great.

1139
00:57:24.745 --> 00:57:28.140
He always thought I didn't
support him.

1140
00:57:31.796 --> 00:57:34.233
And I remembered, you
know, he called me up

1141
00:57:34.233 --> 00:57:35.626
and I had to send him, I believe

1142
00:57:35.626 --> 00:57:38.498
at that time, I had sent
him something over there

1143
00:57:38.498 --> 00:57:41.109
because he didn't have no place
to go

1144
00:57:41.109 --> 00:57:42.676
and he didn't really have a job.

1145
00:57:42.676 --> 00:57:45.723
So I said, "Sully, being a
musician, I'm not doing this

1146
00:57:45.723 --> 00:57:47.202
as a living, I'm doing this more

1147
00:57:47.202 --> 00:57:48.769
for fun than anything else."

1148
00:57:49.770 --> 00:57:52.817
'Cause the music business,
there's very few people

1149
00:57:52.817 --> 00:57:55.515
that make it to the big time.

1150
00:57:59.345 --> 00:58:00.651
There's very few people.

1151
00:58:00.651 --> 00:58:01.782
So I said, "Sully, you know,"

1152
00:58:01.782 --> 00:58:03.131
I said, "It's okay to get a job just

1153
00:58:03.131 --> 00:58:04.655
in case it doesn't work out."

1154
00:58:05.699 --> 00:58:07.484
Well, he thought, you're
not supporting me.

1155
00:58:08.833 --> 00:58:10.661
That's not what I meant.

1156
00:58:10.661 --> 00:58:12.140
I tried to explain that to him,

1157
00:58:12.140 --> 00:58:14.621
but in his mind, it was,
I wasn't supporting him

1158
00:58:14.621 --> 00:58:17.842
because I didn't say, you know,
"Yeah, great, keep going."

1159
00:58:27.286 --> 00:58:29.462
He called me once and he
said, "If I don't make it

1160
00:58:29.462 --> 00:58:33.901
in another year, I'm giving it
up and I'm gonna get a job."

1161
00:58:33.901 --> 00:58:36.164
And I said, "You know
what? Just have patience.

1162
00:58:36.164 --> 00:58:38.340
It's going to happen."

1163
00:58:38.340 --> 00:58:41.300
And I always told him right
along, it's going to happen.

1164
00:58:46.174 --> 00:58:48.525
There was a band
in Boston called Strip Mind

1165
00:58:48.525 --> 00:58:52.703
that had just signed a deal
with Warner Reprise Records.

1166
00:58:56.141 --> 00:58:57.534
I believe at the time

1167
00:58:57.534 --> 00:58:59.536
that Sully was playing with
Meliah Rage

1168
00:59:01.494 --> 00:59:05.019
and through a local manager, he
found out

1169
00:59:05.019 --> 00:59:06.368
that we were auditioning.

1170
00:59:06.368 --> 00:59:08.240
And so he shows up and I meet him

1171
00:59:08.240 --> 00:59:11.156
and it seems like just
like a crazy townie guy,

1172
00:59:11.156 --> 00:59:12.505
but he's a metalhead too.

1173
00:59:13.419 --> 00:59:17.162
So I'm like, this is good
because I can relate with that.

1174
00:59:17.162 --> 00:59:18.642
That's me, you know.

1175
00:59:18.642 --> 00:59:19.947
I'm like, "Oh, let me
help you with your drums."

1176
00:59:19.947 --> 00:59:22.297
And we go out and he has
this total shitbox van

1177
00:59:22.297 --> 00:59:24.865
and opens the back door, jumps in

1178
00:59:24.865 --> 00:59:27.215
and starts fucking
kicking his fucking drums

1179
00:59:27.215 --> 00:59:30.262
out the back like kick
drum and it goes rolling.

1180
00:59:33.134 --> 00:59:35.136
And I remember the guitar
player just going like,

1181
00:59:35.136 --> 00:59:37.008
"What the fuck?"

1182
00:59:37.008 --> 00:59:38.531
Because I don't think he had
ever seen

1183
00:59:38.531 --> 00:59:39.924
anyone treat a musical
instrument like that.

1184
00:59:39.924 --> 00:59:41.490
But I was like, "Whatever,
they're fucking drums.

1185
00:59:41.490 --> 00:59:44.058
They're meant to be beat
on. Load 'em up, let's go."

1186
00:59:57.985 --> 01:00:00.988
These guys played some
seriously technical punk metal.

1187
01:00:05.689 --> 01:00:09.388
He was like, "You guys have
a deal with Warner Brothers?

1188
01:00:09.388 --> 01:00:11.129
Like, I can't fuck this up, man.

1189
01:00:11.129 --> 01:00:12.739
This is what I've always wanted.

1190
01:00:12.739 --> 01:00:14.611
This is my chance. I'm not
gonna fucking blow This, dude."

1191
01:00:14.611 --> 01:00:17.526
He took it so insanely seriously.

1192
01:00:21.879 --> 01:00:22.793
Sully showing up was the best thing

1193
01:00:22.793 --> 01:00:24.098
that ever happened in that band

1194
01:00:24.098 --> 01:00:25.839
'cause if he hadn't shown up,

1195
01:00:25.839 --> 01:00:28.929
I don't think we would've went on.

1196
01:00:28.929 --> 01:00:30.278
I don't think a record
would've gotten made.

1197
01:00:32.019 --> 01:00:33.499
We are here with Strip Mind.

1198
01:00:33.499 --> 01:00:34.456
Guys, why don't you go through
and introduce yourself?

1199
01:00:34.456 --> 01:00:36.154
Hey, I'm Tim. I play bass.

1200
01:00:36.154 --> 01:00:37.677
I'm Bill. I play guitar.

1201
01:00:37.677 --> 01:00:39.331
Sully, drums.

1202
01:00:39.331 --> 01:00:40.811
Stu, I sing and play guitar.

1203
01:00:40.811 --> 01:00:44.641
This is so Metallica, man.

1204
01:00:44.641 --> 01:00:46.860
And I was in fucking seventh
heaven at that point.

1205
01:00:46.860 --> 01:00:51.822
I mean, I was finally signed
with a band and touring.

1206
01:00:54.172 --> 01:00:56.174
And I just thought at the time,

1207
01:00:56.174 --> 01:00:58.132
it doesn't get any better than this.

1208
01:01:03.094 --> 01:01:05.574
Here we are, Pyramid Studios.

1209
01:01:05.574 --> 01:01:09.970
Gonna take a walk in here.
The old tape machine.

1210
01:01:09.970 --> 01:01:11.842
It really gave me an opportunity

1211
01:01:11.842 --> 01:01:14.583
to showcase my ability to play
the drums.

1212
01:01:33.167 --> 01:01:34.908
Finally, you know,
finally he's making it.

1213
01:01:34.908 --> 01:01:37.650
Finally, he's gonna be
world famous drummer.

1214
01:01:37.650 --> 01:01:39.826
People are gonna know about Sully.

1215
01:01:41.610 --> 01:01:44.265
He was living his dream
and I was so happy for him.

1216
01:01:46.920 --> 01:01:49.793
I was psyched. I was
thinking, you know, here it is.

1217
01:01:49.793 --> 01:01:51.751
You know, this is what we've
been waiting

1218
01:01:51.751 --> 01:01:53.274
for, a record deal.

1219
01:01:53.274 --> 01:01:54.580
You know, go on tour, see
the world, all that stuff

1220
01:01:54.580 --> 01:01:57.714
but it was such a small record deal

1221
01:01:57.714 --> 01:01:59.541
that their first tour was a van tour.

1222
01:02:05.852 --> 01:02:07.985
This band didn't give a
fuck about anything really.

1223
01:02:07.985 --> 01:02:12.119
We were into drinking whiskey
and smoking a lot of weed.

1224
01:02:12.119 --> 01:02:14.731
We were living more of
a punk rock lifestyle.

1225
01:02:16.645 --> 01:02:17.908
Nobody really gave a fuck.

1226
01:02:18.952 --> 01:02:23.000
And along the way, Lisa
had met my friend Dave,

1227
01:02:23.000 --> 01:02:25.132
and somehow started sneaking

1228
01:02:25.132 --> 01:02:27.526
around behind my back and seeing Dave.

1229
01:02:27.526 --> 01:02:30.442
Things started changing and
she wasn't around as much.

1230
01:02:30.442 --> 01:02:32.139
I started to hear rumors.

1231
01:02:32.139 --> 01:02:34.533
The more I asked around, the
more I started to hear things

1232
01:02:34.533 --> 01:02:36.274
that I just didn't want to hear.

1233
01:02:36.274 --> 01:02:38.276
Things like, you know,

1234
01:02:38.276 --> 01:02:42.236
Lisa was performing sexual acts
for drugs.

1235
01:02:43.542 --> 01:02:46.110
These were things that were
just really disturbing to hear.

1236
01:02:46.110 --> 01:02:49.026
Things that no guy wants to hear.

1237
01:02:49.026 --> 01:02:53.987
I had called my friend Dave
and he somehow admitted to me

1238
01:02:55.293 --> 01:03:00.037
that he had been dating
Lisa and I'm thinking, what?

1239
01:03:01.168 --> 01:03:03.083
I was kind of fuck you mode at
this point.

1240
01:03:03.083 --> 01:03:05.172
I was getting really numb

1241
01:03:05.172 --> 01:03:06.434
to kind of relationships in general,

1242
01:03:06.434 --> 01:03:08.349
but I also had this new band,
Strip Mind

1243
01:03:08.349 --> 01:03:11.570
and we were releasing a
record and we got on the road

1244
01:03:13.137 --> 01:03:14.442
and we started to tour
at a national level.

1245
01:03:16.662 --> 01:03:19.404
We are hanging out in
Detroit with Strip Mind.

1246
01:03:19.404 --> 01:03:21.275
Who is the main songwriter in
this band?

1247
01:03:21.275 --> 01:03:22.581
That would be Stu.
- All right.

1248
01:03:22.581 --> 01:03:24.931
So now you have songs like
"Pentapussy"

1249
01:03:24.931 --> 01:03:26.933
and "I Wanna Fuck Your
Girlfriend."

1250
01:03:26.933 --> 01:03:29.849
So let's talk about
your songs a little bit.

1251
01:03:29.849 --> 01:03:31.851
Well, the way a lot of
the lyrics are written is

1252
01:03:31.851 --> 01:03:34.419
that, I mean, I either
am inspired to write

1253
01:03:34.419 --> 01:03:36.160
by pain or by happiness

1254
01:03:36.160 --> 01:03:38.945
and there isn't usually too
much happiness going around

1255
01:03:38.945 --> 01:03:40.686
so it's a lot of the pain and
the anger

1256
01:03:40.686 --> 01:03:41.992
that comes out and that
kind of motivates me

1257
01:03:41.992 --> 01:03:44.777
to put the pen down on
the paper and get going.

1258
01:03:44.777 --> 01:03:46.474
"I Wanna Fuck Your
Girlfriend" is basically

1259
01:03:46.474 --> 01:03:49.216
about getting pissed off about
your ex-girlfriend going out

1260
01:03:49.216 --> 01:03:50.652
with a friend of yours
and it's really kind

1261
01:03:50.652 --> 01:03:54.743
of a heartfelt statement about
love lost.

1262
01:03:54.743 --> 01:03:57.181
Me and Stu didn't get along so good.

1263
01:03:57.181 --> 01:04:01.533
Stu came from a much better
upbringing than we did.

1264
01:04:01.533 --> 01:04:04.579
His parents had money.
We were street kids.

1265
01:04:04.579 --> 01:04:06.930
Where the fuck is Stu?

1266
01:04:06.930 --> 01:04:09.584
- He's in the other room.
- Well, what the fuck?

1267
01:04:09.584 --> 01:04:12.239
- You wanna play it or not?
- I've been waiting.

1268
01:04:12.239 --> 01:04:13.762
I don't even
really play it. Let's go.

1269
01:04:13.762 --> 01:04:15.677
So there was just a lot of
tension, man,

1270
01:04:15.677 --> 01:04:18.245
and we were living it for the
first time.

1271
01:04:18.245 --> 01:04:20.291
You know, all of us were
kind of experiencing

1272
01:04:20.291 --> 01:04:23.076
that being signed to a major label

1273
01:04:23.076 --> 01:04:26.645
and the responsibilities
that go along with that.

1274
01:04:26.645 --> 01:04:29.953
We were right at the beginning
of hearing about Pearl Jam

1275
01:04:31.258 --> 01:04:34.827
and Nirvana and Alice in
Chains and Soundgarden

1276
01:04:34.827 --> 01:04:36.960
and although we loved a lot

1277
01:04:36.960 --> 01:04:39.310
of those bands, we didn't sound
like that.

1278
01:04:39.310 --> 01:04:41.225
And we were at the tail end of
the era

1279
01:04:41.225 --> 01:04:44.445
of the traditional metal going away.

1280
01:04:44.445 --> 01:04:47.535
You can only be ignorant to
this kind of business for

1281
01:04:47.535 --> 01:04:51.278
so long before it just spits you
back out.

1282
01:04:51.278 --> 01:04:55.543
And unfortunately in this band,
there was no business sense.

1283
01:04:57.197 --> 01:05:01.593
We spent all of our
advance on making the record,

1284
01:05:01.593 --> 01:05:04.552
which we come to find out
you're not supposed to do that.

1285
01:05:05.510 --> 01:05:07.599
You're supposed to like
save some to live on.

1286
01:05:07.599 --> 01:05:09.601
And we didn't do that. We
didn't know any better.

1287
01:05:09.601 --> 01:05:11.690
So we just like spent it.

1288
01:05:11.690 --> 01:05:16.173
The band got to the one
day where Stu was able

1289
01:05:16.173 --> 01:05:18.392
to convince the other guys
that I was the problem

1290
01:05:18.392 --> 01:05:21.221
and they decided to fire me.

1291
01:05:23.528 --> 01:05:26.574
And I just remember
thinking, everything I went

1292
01:05:26.574 --> 01:05:30.056
through my whole life and all
these bands

1293
01:05:30.056 --> 01:05:32.102
and all these struggles

1294
01:05:32.102 --> 01:05:34.669
and all this bullshit to chase
this dream

1295
01:05:34.669 --> 01:05:38.282
that I fantasized about
since I was three years old.

1296
01:05:38.282 --> 01:05:40.980
And I finally got there

1297
01:05:40.980 --> 01:05:44.679
and in a blink of an eye,
it was taken away from me.

1298
01:05:46.464 --> 01:05:48.031
I was broken to the point

1299
01:05:48.031 --> 01:05:50.511
where I just decided I didn't
want to do music anymore.

1300
01:05:50.511 --> 01:05:52.122
He was really down in the dumps

1301
01:05:52.122 --> 01:05:54.951
and he told me, he says, "Mommy,
I'm going to quit music."

1302
01:05:54.951 --> 01:05:57.562
I felt that my only
shot had came and gone.

1303
01:05:57.562 --> 01:05:58.737
Maybe that was it.

1304
01:05:58.737 --> 01:06:00.130
Maybe that was my one opportunity

1305
01:06:00.130 --> 01:06:03.089
to do something with music and
it came

1306
01:06:03.089 --> 01:06:04.177
and it went like that.

1307
01:06:05.874 --> 01:06:07.137
I didn't want to be a part of it anymore.

1308
01:06:07.137 --> 01:06:10.227
It was disappointing
me over and over again.

1309
01:06:10.227 --> 01:06:14.057
And at 25 years old, it just
didn't seem like the right kind

1310
01:06:14.057 --> 01:06:15.275
of life for me anymore.

1311
01:06:16.581 --> 01:06:18.975
And I told him, I said,
"Sully,
don't get discouraged yet.

1312
01:06:18.975 --> 01:06:22.543
It's gonna happen. I
know it's gonna happen.

1313
01:06:22.543 --> 01:06:24.763
You just gotta give it some time.

1314
01:06:25.633 --> 01:06:27.722
It's gonna be there,
you're gonna make it."

1315
01:06:31.552 --> 01:06:33.380
At that point, I put the drums away

1316
01:06:33.380 --> 01:06:38.385
and I put my dream of being
a musician, a rock star

1317
01:06:39.169 --> 01:06:41.432
in a shoebox and put it up on
the shelf.

1318
01:06:41.432 --> 01:06:46.437
And so I decided that I was
gonna quit music for good.

1319
01:06:51.703 --> 01:06:54.010
I think Sully gave up on music

1320
01:06:54.010 --> 01:06:55.620
'cause I think he got
sick of chasing the dream

1321
01:06:55.620 --> 01:06:57.926
and not getting anything from it.

1322
01:06:57.926 --> 01:06:59.798
He got real discouraged at that point.

1323
01:06:59.798 --> 01:07:01.365
He worked so hard.

1324
01:07:01.365 --> 01:07:03.236
I mean, he always thought
from the time he was young

1325
01:07:03.236 --> 01:07:05.282
that he was gonna be a rock star

1326
01:07:05.282 --> 01:07:08.676
but when those things
don't work out, you know,

1327
01:07:08.676 --> 01:07:10.548
it's like someone kept stepping
on him

1328
01:07:10.548 --> 01:07:12.332
and stepping on his dream,
you know, and just crushing it

1329
01:07:12.332 --> 01:07:13.899
and he just gave in.

1330
01:07:35.834 --> 01:07:37.314
I didn't look back at that point.

1331
01:07:37.314 --> 01:07:38.532
I just wanted a new life.
I wanted a different life.

1332
01:07:38.532 --> 01:07:40.578
I wanted to feel like somebody again,

1333
01:07:40.578 --> 01:07:43.102
because the only person I knew I was

1334
01:07:43.102 --> 01:07:44.843
at that time was someone that
was sleeping

1335
01:07:44.843 --> 01:07:47.541
on my sister's couch and
borrowing $5 from people

1336
01:07:47.541 --> 01:07:49.239
to buy a pack of cigarettes.

1337
01:07:49.239 --> 01:07:51.502
And then I finally started
looking through the newspapers

1338
01:07:51.502 --> 01:07:54.809
and I found a job doing
collections for an attorney.

1339
01:07:54.809 --> 01:07:57.290
You know, I chopped my
hair off at that point too.

1340
01:07:59.379 --> 01:08:00.511
So he came over to my house

1341
01:08:00.511 --> 01:08:02.426
and he walked in and he had no hair.

1342
01:08:02.426 --> 01:08:04.428
âª Say goodbye

1343
01:08:04.428 --> 01:08:06.169
âª Never say goodbye

1344
01:08:06.169 --> 01:08:08.823
And I always dreamed to have
long hair

1345
01:08:08.823 --> 01:08:10.477
'cause I had that stupid fucking fro.

1346
01:08:10.477 --> 01:08:11.435
So when he came in

1347
01:08:12.479 --> 01:08:13.872
and he cut all his hair off, I got

1348
01:08:13.872 --> 01:08:16.396
so fucking pissed off, I
threw him outta my house.

1349
01:08:18.311 --> 01:08:19.486
Merry Christmas, dear Fro.

1350
01:08:19.486 --> 01:08:23.534
Oh, for me. God, what is this?

1351
01:08:23.534 --> 01:08:24.622
I think it's
something you could use

1352
01:08:24.622 --> 01:08:25.536
from time to time.

1353
01:08:26.754 --> 01:08:29.627
God, a five o'clock shadow razor.

1354
01:08:31.281 --> 01:08:32.717
Sure.

1355
01:08:32.717 --> 01:08:33.848
Make your trimming
needs a little easier.

1356
01:08:33.848 --> 01:08:34.980
What made you buy me razor, man?

1357
01:08:34.980 --> 01:08:36.982
I don't know.

1358
01:08:36.982 --> 01:08:37.983
We have pulse.

1359
01:08:37.983 --> 01:08:40.464
And then he met a girl.

1360
01:08:40.464 --> 01:08:42.553
She was a different
type of girl, you know,

1361
01:08:42.553 --> 01:08:44.859
'cause she didn't grow up in the streets

1362
01:08:44.859 --> 01:08:46.426
of Lawrence like most of the girls

1363
01:08:46.426 --> 01:08:49.125
and he fell crazy in love
with her and deservedly so.

1364
01:08:49.125 --> 01:08:50.300
She was a sweetheart.

1365
01:08:51.736 --> 01:08:53.085
Her name was Erin.

1366
01:08:53.085 --> 01:08:54.130
She was everything you could ask

1367
01:08:54.130 --> 01:08:55.566
for in a girlfriend, really.

1368
01:08:56.436 --> 01:08:59.700
And I found myself starting

1369
01:08:59.700 --> 01:09:01.659
to live a different kind of life.

1370
01:09:01.659 --> 01:09:06.446
It was a life away from
music with a nine to five job

1371
01:09:06.446 --> 01:09:08.448
and a really pretty girlfriend.

1372
01:09:08.448 --> 01:09:10.885
I remember for the first
time in my life, I felt

1373
01:09:12.017 --> 01:09:14.889
as safe as I had felt
when I lived with my mom.

1374
01:09:16.891 --> 01:09:17.718
A year or two

1375
01:09:19.024 --> 01:09:21.679
into our relationship, I
just started missing music.

1376
01:09:21.679 --> 01:09:24.508
It had been with me my whole
entire life.

1377
01:09:24.508 --> 01:09:26.118
I didn't know how to be anything else.

1378
01:09:26.118 --> 01:09:29.513
And I also think that the
more I fell in love with her

1379
01:09:29.513 --> 01:09:32.168
and the more I seen how unneedy
she was

1380
01:09:32.168 --> 01:09:36.520
and how she just was
proud of me for, you know,

1381
01:09:36.520 --> 01:09:38.217
whatever, the more reason I wanted

1382
01:09:38.217 --> 01:09:41.046
to show her how talented I was.

1383
01:09:41.046 --> 01:09:43.440
That's when I got the itch
to start playing again

1384
01:09:43.440 --> 01:09:45.703
With Sully, I don't care

1385
01:09:45.703 --> 01:09:50.403
what he did, he would never
be happy without his music.

1386
01:09:50.403 --> 01:09:53.406
Up until that point, I was
just the drummer in a band

1387
01:09:54.929 --> 01:09:56.888
and I didn't have any
say for the most part.

1388
01:09:56.888 --> 01:09:59.804
I just decided, you know what?
I'm gonna write my own music.

1389
01:09:59.804 --> 01:10:01.022
I'm gonna try this a different way

1390
01:10:01.022 --> 01:10:02.676
and I'm gonna try this my way

1391
01:10:02.676 --> 01:10:07.203
and I don't want to listen
to anyone else's direction.

1392
01:10:08.813 --> 01:10:10.423
Sully called me and
he said he wanted to get

1393
01:10:10.423 --> 01:10:13.644
into a band and jam just for fun.

1394
01:10:13.644 --> 01:10:14.601
And he was like, "I'm in,"
immediately,

1395
01:10:14.601 --> 01:10:16.037
there was like no hesitation.

1396
01:10:16.037 --> 01:10:17.517
I go, "Well, you may wanna
hold on a second here

1397
01:10:17.517 --> 01:10:22.566
because, you know, I'm
gonna sing for the band."

1398
01:10:23.306 --> 01:10:25.046
I looked down at the phone,
like little smirk on my face.

1399
01:10:25.046 --> 01:10:27.092
I heard the phone drop

1400
01:10:27.092 --> 01:10:29.268
and hit like every step
going down the basement.

1401
01:10:29.268 --> 01:10:31.705
I got a message on my
answering machine saying

1402
01:10:31.705 --> 01:10:35.231
that he had this possible gig
for me and I was gonna laugh

1403
01:10:35.231 --> 01:10:36.841
and that's all the message said.

1404
01:10:36.841 --> 01:10:38.321
When I called back and he said

1405
01:10:38.321 --> 01:10:40.366
that he's putting this band together

1406
01:10:40.366 --> 01:10:42.455
and he was wanting to sing, I
didn't think

1407
01:10:42.455 --> 01:10:44.631
that he could sing 'cause
he played the drums.

1408
01:10:44.631 --> 01:10:46.198
So we started jamming

1409
01:10:46.198 --> 01:10:48.809
and then next thing I
know we're in the studio.

1410
01:10:48.809 --> 01:10:50.376
It was quite the experience, man.

1411
01:10:50.376 --> 01:10:52.813
Again, I was, you know,
freshly inexperienced

1412
01:10:52.813 --> 01:10:53.901
and new at singing.

1413
01:10:54.815 --> 01:10:56.817
And I was in the studio
now about to record a demo

1414
01:10:56.817 --> 01:10:59.385
and it wasn't good.

1415
01:10:59.385 --> 01:11:01.431
I was terrible. I didn't know
how to sing.

1416
01:11:01.431 --> 01:11:04.521
Like I was a screamer, but I had
no pitch.

1417
01:11:04.521 --> 01:11:05.391
Hey!

1418
01:11:07.306 --> 01:11:09.090
I started singing and I remember watching

1419
01:11:09.090 --> 01:11:11.179
Robbie walk right outta
the fucking studio.

1420
01:11:11.179 --> 01:11:13.573
I'm like, "Hold on a
second, I will get this.

1421
01:11:13.573 --> 01:11:14.922
You gotta gimme a minute."

1422
01:11:19.144 --> 01:11:21.015
He is sounding like a wild
goat in heat

1423
01:11:21.015 --> 01:11:22.365
and I went, "Oh my God, you're
awful."

1424
01:11:37.423 --> 01:11:39.991
It was the first time I
was on a stage as a singer-

1425
01:11:39.991 --> 01:11:42.080
They've come
here from all over the world.

1426
01:11:42.080 --> 01:11:45.039
In a real band and not
playing the drums at all.

1427
01:11:46.693 --> 01:11:47.999
How's everyone here, tonight?

1428
01:11:50.088 --> 01:11:51.307
Oh, thank you.

1429
01:11:54.048 --> 01:11:57.095
It sounds like everyone's doing well.

1430
01:11:58.183 --> 01:11:59.097
And I gotta tell you, the thing
I struggle

1431
01:11:59.097 --> 01:12:00.228
with the most was figuring out

1432
01:12:00.228 --> 01:12:01.447
what the fuck to do with my hands.

1433
01:12:01.447 --> 01:12:04.407
Because being a drummer,
your whole life is

1434
01:12:04.407 --> 01:12:05.451
if it's not going well, you can
just kind

1435
01:12:05.451 --> 01:12:07.366
of hide and get through the set.

1436
01:12:07.366 --> 01:12:11.152
But now I found myself
in front of the band

1437
01:12:11.152 --> 01:12:13.067
and I was the guy that had to entertain

1438
01:12:13.067 --> 01:12:15.983
and I didn't know what
the fuck I was gonna do.

1439
01:12:21.032 --> 01:12:22.338
You sound like shit actually.

1440
01:12:22.338 --> 01:12:24.035
- Swear to god?
- I swear to god, man.

1441
01:12:24.035 --> 01:12:26.037
Fucking ice kept breaking up.

1442
01:12:26.037 --> 01:12:28.822
Tommy was fine. His fucking
drums kept blaring out.

1443
01:12:28.822 --> 01:12:30.476
Robbie's bass was fine.

1444
01:12:30.476 --> 01:12:33.349
The guitar kept breaking up
and his voice kept breaking up.

1445
01:12:33.349 --> 01:12:34.175
You'll see.

1446
01:12:34.175 --> 01:12:35.481
No, I'm just saying...

1447
01:12:35.481 --> 01:12:36.961
And I kept practicing
and working with it

1448
01:12:36.961 --> 01:12:39.267
and between performance and
singing, actually trying

1449
01:12:39.267 --> 01:12:40.965
to learn how to get in pitch.

1450
01:12:40.965 --> 01:12:43.184
You know, it slowly came together.

1451
01:12:45.143 --> 01:12:46.579
You know, I had a lot

1452
01:12:46.579 --> 01:12:48.233
of experience like yelling
my whole life, screaming

1453
01:12:48.233 --> 01:12:51.279
at people, I just had to
get it in key, you know,

1454
01:12:51.279 --> 01:12:52.193
and figure that part out.

1455
01:12:53.281 --> 01:12:58.243
âª Why are you laughing as
if you're my friend, yeah. âª

1456
01:12:59.723 --> 01:13:01.072
Erin would come out to the shows

1457
01:13:01.072 --> 01:13:02.726
and she was starting to see

1458
01:13:02.726 --> 01:13:04.467
that I had something a little
bit more

1459
01:13:04.467 --> 01:13:06.686
to me than just being, you know,
a guy

1460
01:13:06.686 --> 01:13:08.732
in a collection agency.

1461
01:13:08.732 --> 01:13:11.256
Those were some really special
times when I think back,

1462
01:13:11.256 --> 01:13:13.301
because it was where it was starting.

1463
01:13:14.607 --> 01:13:16.174
It was getting that initial feedback

1464
01:13:16.174 --> 01:13:18.045
of what songs were working
and what songs weren't working

1465
01:13:18.045 --> 01:13:20.657
and we eventually started to
find a sound

1466
01:13:20.657 --> 01:13:23.355
within people pointing
out the heavier stuff.

1467
01:13:23.355 --> 01:13:25.009
âª Get up, get up, get up, get up
âª

1468
01:13:25.009 --> 01:13:25.879
âª Gotta get up

1469
01:13:25.879 --> 01:13:26.706
âª Gotta get out

1470
01:13:26.706 --> 01:13:28.012
It was me and Robbie

1471
01:13:28.012 --> 01:13:30.318
and this kid Lee, our first
guitar player

1472
01:13:30.318 --> 01:13:31.407
and Tommy Stewart.

1473
01:13:32.320 --> 01:13:34.453
We played a club called Axis.

1474
01:13:34.453 --> 01:13:37.804
And right next door, Korn
was playing a bigger venue,

1475
01:13:37.804 --> 01:13:39.415
I think it was The Avalon.

1476
01:13:39.415 --> 01:13:41.765
And anybody from The Avalon
had a ticket they could get

1477
01:13:41.765 --> 01:13:44.420
into the show and access for free.

1478
01:13:45.638 --> 01:13:49.555
So as soon as we got on, the
club let out

1479
01:13:49.555 --> 01:13:51.557
and the whole place filled up,

1480
01:13:51.557 --> 01:13:53.037
and I knew then that we had something.

1481
01:13:53.037 --> 01:13:55.300
Nobody knew the songs, nobody
knew us.

1482
01:13:55.300 --> 01:13:56.736
I'm like, I'm just looking

1483
01:13:56.736 --> 01:13:58.956
around and going, wow,
we've got something here.

1484
01:14:04.265 --> 01:14:06.964
About two weeks into it,
Lee got that dreaded knock

1485
01:14:06.964 --> 01:14:09.619
on the door that every man fears.

1486
01:14:09.619 --> 01:14:12.317
And when he opened it, he
found a woman on the other side

1487
01:14:12.317 --> 01:14:16.321
that he used to date that
said, "Hi, this is your child."

1488
01:14:16.321 --> 01:14:21.239
And you know, honorably he
left the band to go be a dad.

1489
01:14:22.762 --> 01:14:24.808
So Robbie said, "You know,
I know this guitar player

1490
01:14:24.808 --> 01:14:26.157
in the area.

1491
01:14:26.157 --> 01:14:27.767
His name's Tony Rombola,
and he is really good.

1492
01:14:27.767 --> 01:14:28.725
You should come check him out."

1493
01:14:28.725 --> 01:14:30.509
Robbie Merrill brought Sully

1494
01:14:30.509 --> 01:14:32.903
to a Crushed Tomato show to
check me out.

1495
01:14:32.903 --> 01:14:33.730
I didn't know it.

1496
01:14:34.948 --> 01:14:35.775
I met Sully there, you
know, shook his hand

1497
01:14:35.775 --> 01:14:36.950
and they handed me a tape

1498
01:14:36.950 --> 01:14:38.125
and said, "You know, learn this stuff

1499
01:14:38.125 --> 01:14:39.431
and we'll see if we like you."

1500
01:14:39.431 --> 01:14:40.693
I went and auditioned

1501
01:14:40.693 --> 01:14:42.303
at the train station where they rehearsed.

1502
01:14:42.303 --> 01:14:44.915
It was only like, I think four
songs, three or four songs

1503
01:14:44.915 --> 01:14:48.179
so I learned them and I played
them and it was all good.

1504
01:14:48.179 --> 01:14:49.615
And that's when they kind of
told me

1505
01:14:49.615 --> 01:14:50.703
and said, "All right,
man, let's do this thing,"

1506
01:14:50.703 --> 01:14:53.184
and that was it, I guess I was in.

1507
01:14:54.098 --> 01:14:56.579
I was just psyched to be
playing with such good musicians

1508
01:14:57.710 --> 01:14:59.930
in first really original
band too, you know?

1509
01:14:59.930 --> 01:15:02.236
So I was just excited about
what was coming, you know.

1510
01:15:02.236 --> 01:15:05.283
âª You gotta go away

1511
01:15:07.415 --> 01:15:08.678
And right around the time

1512
01:15:08.678 --> 01:15:11.463
that we started to get
some momentum, I ran

1513
01:15:11.463 --> 01:15:15.946
into Lisa, my crazy ex
stripper girlfriend.

1514
01:15:15.946 --> 01:15:18.905
And when I seen her again,
all these old emotions came

1515
01:15:18.905 --> 01:15:20.777
up really quickly.

1516
01:15:20.777 --> 01:15:23.693
For some reason I had
forgot about the bullshit

1517
01:15:23.693 --> 01:15:25.825
that we had went through,

1518
01:15:25.825 --> 01:15:27.958
and I just kind of was drawn to
her again.

1519
01:15:27.958 --> 01:15:29.612
But I also knew

1520
01:15:29.612 --> 01:15:32.266
that I had this really
great person in my life.

1521
01:15:32.266 --> 01:15:35.356
And although those thoughts went

1522
01:15:35.356 --> 01:15:39.665
through my head, I really
didn't regard it that much

1523
01:15:39.665 --> 01:15:43.103
and I kind of drifted back into Lisa.

1524
01:15:46.324 --> 01:15:48.979
I am in a relationship that's
pretty deep at this point

1525
01:15:48.979 --> 01:15:51.895
with a great girl that I'm
living with,

1526
01:15:51.895 --> 01:15:54.071
and I'm just falling for this girl

1527
01:15:54.071 --> 01:15:56.116
that was just so bad for me.

1528
01:15:58.510 --> 01:16:01.992
And so I get a call one day from Erin

1529
01:16:01.992 --> 01:16:05.517
who asked me to come meet
her for lunch at her job.

1530
01:16:06.562 --> 01:16:09.042
And when I showed up, she walked outside

1531
01:16:09.042 --> 01:16:13.656
and she smacked me right across
the face and started crying

1532
01:16:13.656 --> 01:16:15.005
and told me we were done.

1533
01:16:17.137 --> 01:16:20.227
And I immediately knew she knew something.

1534
01:16:21.533 --> 01:16:26.016
She had heard a voicemail
that Lisa had left

1535
01:16:26.016 --> 01:16:30.760
on my answering machine,
and she just turned around

1536
01:16:30.760 --> 01:16:32.065
and walked back into work.

1537
01:16:33.458 --> 01:16:37.114
And in that split second, I
knew I had fucked up so bad.

1538
01:16:39.116 --> 01:16:41.031
I know it affected him

1539
01:16:41.031 --> 01:16:43.686
because he knows he made a
huge mistake, massive mistake.

1540
01:16:43.686 --> 01:16:46.776
He potentially lost the love of
his life.

1541
01:16:46.776 --> 01:16:51.781
I tried and tried and tried
to work things out with her.

1542
01:16:52.129 --> 01:16:55.915
She wouldn't take my calls,
she wouldn't come see me.

1543
01:16:55.915 --> 01:16:57.656
I showed up at her house one night

1544
01:16:57.656 --> 01:16:59.484
and through the balcony
I could see her sitting

1545
01:16:59.484 --> 01:17:02.661
in the living room
through these glass doors.

1546
01:17:02.661 --> 01:17:07.231
And I climbed up onto the balcony
and I opened up the slider

1547
01:17:07.231 --> 01:17:12.105
and she kind of looked over at
me and just looked back down

1548
01:17:12.105 --> 01:17:14.151
and she had been crying and crying.

1549
01:17:15.108 --> 01:17:18.677
And I came in and I
immediately got emotional

1550
01:17:18.677 --> 01:17:23.595
and I just said, "You
know, listen, I just need

1551
01:17:23.595 --> 01:17:24.683
to talk to you."

1552
01:17:26.685 --> 01:17:30.167
And she didn't say anything,
she just looked me in the eyes

1553
01:17:30.167 --> 01:17:33.170
and she just said, "Will
you dance with me?"

1554
01:17:33.170 --> 01:17:35.215
And I was like, "What?"

1555
01:17:36.216 --> 01:17:37.827
And she went on to explain,

1556
01:17:37.827 --> 01:17:42.396
she goes, you know, "The one
thing that you never asked me

1557
01:17:45.356 --> 01:17:48.707
to do the whole time we were seeing

1558
01:17:48.707 --> 01:17:50.361
each other was dance with me."

1559
01:17:53.190 --> 01:17:55.453
I didn't even know what to say.

1560
01:17:55.453 --> 01:17:59.892
And she just came up to me
and put her arms around me

1561
01:17:59.892 --> 01:18:02.199
and she just wanted to
dance one time with me.

1562
01:18:04.331 --> 01:18:06.116
And I also remember
thinking, I was really afraid

1563
01:18:06.116 --> 01:18:08.161
for my life because I
thought she was gonna stab me

1564
01:18:08.161 --> 01:18:10.903
in the back.

1565
01:18:29.530 --> 01:18:33.360
I danced with her to some slow song,

1566
01:18:35.058 --> 01:18:38.365
then she opened up the door,
she let me out and said goodbye

1567
01:18:40.977 --> 01:18:42.718
and that was the last
time I ever seen her.

1568
01:18:56.557 --> 01:18:57.907
You know, sometimes you have

1569
01:18:57.907 --> 01:19:00.692
to go through heartbreak in your life

1570
01:19:00.692 --> 01:19:04.957
and then something happens
and your life turns around.

1571
01:19:06.306 --> 01:19:09.527
I'm all busted up over a
relationship that just ended

1572
01:19:09.527 --> 01:19:11.572
and the band is solidified now,

1573
01:19:12.530 --> 01:19:15.141
but my head's all fucked
up, my heart's all fucked up

1574
01:19:16.360 --> 01:19:18.188
and I was in a lot of fucking pain.

1575
01:19:21.060 --> 01:19:22.018
And I just didn't have the
energy to go

1576
01:19:22.018 --> 01:19:24.020
to rehearsal a lot of the times.

1577
01:19:24.020 --> 01:19:25.717
âª Let's take a blast to the moon
âª

1578
01:19:25.717 --> 01:19:28.241
I just started jotting down my feelings

1579
01:19:28.241 --> 01:19:30.417
and my thoughts like a journal.

1580
01:19:30.417 --> 01:19:31.592
âª How I'm craving you

1581
01:19:31.592 --> 01:19:32.985
And all these journal entries started

1582
01:19:32.985 --> 01:19:34.857
to become songs for me.

1583
01:19:34.857 --> 01:19:39.426
And I noticed immediately
that it was really easy

1584
01:19:39.426 --> 01:19:41.951
for me to express myself on a piece

1585
01:19:41.951 --> 01:19:45.041
of paper much easier than it
was for me to talk about it.

1586
01:19:46.390 --> 01:19:48.958
And so I wrote, and I wrote and
I wrote,

1587
01:19:48.958 --> 01:19:51.612
and all of it came from this
real pain

1588
01:19:51.612 --> 01:19:53.136
that I was experiencing.

1589
01:20:00.099 --> 01:20:01.318
Through the pain I was experiencing,

1590
01:20:01.318 --> 01:20:03.799
something really beautiful was happening

1591
01:20:03.799 --> 01:20:06.062
and it was the birth of Godsmack.

1592
01:20:09.108 --> 01:20:10.544
I just got a call from Sully
one day.

1593
01:20:11.502 --> 01:20:14.026
You know, "Hey, I got a new
band, it's called Godsmack."

1594
01:20:14.026 --> 01:20:15.680
"And we have a bunch of
material and we wanna record it.

1595
01:20:15.680 --> 01:20:17.508
How can we do this?

1596
01:20:17.508 --> 01:20:18.857
You know, we don't have
a whole lot of money."

1597
01:20:18.857 --> 01:20:21.468
And we ended up borrowing $2,600
off

1598
01:20:21.468 --> 01:20:23.470
of a friend of ours at the time.

1599
01:20:23.470 --> 01:20:27.779
And so for 2,600 bucks,
he took us in on a weekend

1600
01:20:27.779 --> 01:20:30.608
and we basically tracked
as much as we could.

1601
01:20:30.608 --> 01:20:32.305
Track after track, just doing
it, trying

1602
01:20:32.305 --> 01:20:33.916
to save money to do it fast.

1603
01:20:33.916 --> 01:20:35.526
You know, that's the only
reason we were doing it fast.

1604
01:20:35.526 --> 01:20:36.962
We did everything live.

1605
01:20:36.962 --> 01:20:38.703
Tony and I were on
headphones but our ears were

1606
01:20:38.703 --> 01:20:42.359
in different separate rooms
being recorded at the same time

1607
01:20:42.359 --> 01:20:45.492
and we wiped out all
11 tracks in two days.

1608
01:20:45.492 --> 01:20:47.755
I was getting over my
fears of being a front man

1609
01:20:47.755 --> 01:20:50.497
and I started to look
towards the Steven Tylers

1610
01:20:50.497 --> 01:20:52.325
and the James Hetfields
and the Layne Staleys

1611
01:20:52.325 --> 01:20:55.067
and the people that I admired as
a singer.

1612
01:20:55.067 --> 01:20:57.200
And I took a little bit of
this and a little bit of that

1613
01:20:57.200 --> 01:21:00.464
and then I went back
and sang all the vocals.

1614
01:21:02.553 --> 01:21:03.380
And that was it.

1615
01:21:04.685 --> 01:21:05.730
That was the record we put out

1616
01:21:05.730 --> 01:21:06.644
and it was called "All Wound
Up."

1617
01:21:06.644 --> 01:21:07.645
We put some awful artwork on it.

1618
01:21:07.645 --> 01:21:09.255
It was a picture of Sully's TV

1619
01:21:09.255 --> 01:21:11.083
in his living room with a girl
in a chair

1620
01:21:11.083 --> 01:21:13.607
with cassette tape wrapping
around her.

1621
01:21:13.607 --> 01:21:14.521
It was the most fucking

1622
01:21:14.521 --> 01:21:15.827
ridiculous album cover ever.

1623
01:21:16.828 --> 01:21:19.875
I remember the first time
I heard Godsmack for real,

1624
01:21:19.875 --> 01:21:24.270
on a real produced CD and I was hoping

1625
01:21:24.270 --> 01:21:26.969
that it was gonna be the one
where you get to make it.

1626
01:21:26.969 --> 01:21:30.581
By shopping around
these CDs and getting them

1627
01:21:30.581 --> 01:21:34.063
to certain radio stations,
we drew the attention

1628
01:21:34.063 --> 01:21:36.195
of this one guy named Rocko who worked

1629
01:21:36.195 --> 01:21:39.546
for a local Boston station
called WAAF.

1630
01:21:40.678 --> 01:21:41.853
It's Rocko on WAAF.

1631
01:21:43.289 --> 01:21:47.206
Rocko just used to go digging
through the promotions bin

1632
01:21:47.206 --> 01:21:50.122
and we always had a bin of local bands

1633
01:21:50.122 --> 01:21:52.211
that would send music in for airplay.

1634
01:21:53.212 --> 01:21:55.432
And Rocko thought the
artwork was really cool

1635
01:21:55.432 --> 01:21:56.389
and so he put it on the air.

1636
01:21:56.389 --> 01:21:58.130
And once he started playing it,

1637
01:21:58.130 --> 01:22:01.525
the listeners really
started calling about it.

1638
01:22:04.920 --> 01:22:07.923
What's going
on Monday? I'm Rocco.

1639
01:22:07.923 --> 01:22:10.142
First we were played on the
Nightly News

1640
01:22:10.142 --> 01:22:11.317
and it was at 11 o'clock at night

1641
01:22:11.317 --> 01:22:12.753
because I used to work construction,

1642
01:22:12.753 --> 01:22:14.407
so I had to get up at 5:00 in
the morning.

1643
01:22:14.407 --> 01:22:15.800
But I'd always want stay up
to listen to the Nightly News

1644
01:22:15.800 --> 01:22:17.280
'cause he'd play "Keep Away" on
there.

1645
01:22:17.280 --> 01:22:19.543
"All Wound Up,"
this is Godsmack on WAAF.

1646
01:22:23.242 --> 01:22:24.896
I was over at a bar

1647
01:22:24.896 --> 01:22:25.766
and someone was like, "Man, have
you heard

1648
01:22:25.766 --> 01:22:26.985
about this Godsmack group?"

1649
01:22:28.247 --> 01:22:29.031
He says, "Man, yeah, listen to
this shit."

1650
01:22:29.031 --> 01:22:29.901
So he put it on.

1651
01:22:30.771 --> 01:22:33.078
The first song I heard was "Keep
Away.'

1652
01:22:33.078 --> 01:22:34.036
I was like, "Who is this
fucking asshole, man?

1653
01:22:34.036 --> 01:22:36.038
This is some good shit."

1654
01:22:36.038 --> 01:22:38.605
He says, "Yeah man, this
guy, his name's Sully."

1655
01:22:38.605 --> 01:22:40.216
Sully Erna.

1656
01:22:40.216 --> 01:22:41.826
I said, "I couldn't agree
with that fucking guy."

1657
01:22:41.826 --> 01:22:43.306
I'm in my shop one morning working

1658
01:22:43.306 --> 01:22:45.134
and I've got it on this college station

1659
01:22:45.134 --> 01:22:46.570
and I hear this song come on

1660
01:22:47.658 --> 01:22:49.486
and I start listening to the
lyrics of it.

1661
01:22:49.486 --> 01:22:54.273
âª Sickness spilling through your
eyes âª

1662
01:22:54.273 --> 01:22:59.278
And I said, that's Sully.
That's fucking Sully singing.

1663
01:22:59.757 --> 01:23:04.675
âª Craving everything that
you thought was alive âª

1664
01:23:10.115 --> 01:23:11.551
And the band started to grow at
this stage

1665
01:23:11.551 --> 01:23:14.250
and all of a sudden we had
this huge momentum going.

1666
01:23:16.469 --> 01:23:18.994
So I went to this local store

1667
01:23:18.994 --> 01:23:21.648
in New England called Newbury Comics,

1668
01:23:21.648 --> 01:23:24.129
which is a chain of about 17 stores.

1669
01:23:24.129 --> 01:23:26.827
And there was a lady named Beth Duby,

1670
01:23:26.827 --> 01:23:29.352
and I asked her if she would
take the CD

1671
01:23:29.352 --> 01:23:31.571
and she said, "Sure."

1672
01:23:31.571 --> 01:23:33.051
You know, she ended up
taking like five of 'em.

1673
01:23:33.051 --> 01:23:34.922
And I was like, "Oh, that kind
of sucks.

1674
01:23:34.922 --> 01:23:37.664
You know, we have a whole
case, you can take more."

1675
01:23:37.664 --> 01:23:39.666
And she's like, "Nope,
we'll start with five

1676
01:23:39.666 --> 01:23:42.539
and if we sell these five,
you bring us five more."

1677
01:23:44.019 --> 01:23:47.805
And then five a month started
to turn into about 10 a month,

1678
01:23:47.805 --> 01:23:51.200
and 10 in a month started
turning into a hundred a month.

1679
01:23:52.070 --> 01:23:54.768
And the more they played it

1680
01:23:54.768 --> 01:23:57.293
on the radio, the more
people would buy the CD

1681
01:23:57.293 --> 01:23:58.859
and the more people would buy
the CD,

1682
01:23:58.859 --> 01:24:00.644
the more they would show
up at the live shows

1683
01:24:00.644 --> 01:24:02.124
and on and on it went.

1684
01:24:02.124 --> 01:24:04.082
A lot of people were showing up

1685
01:24:04.082 --> 01:24:04.996
and they were selling out,
selling out, selling out.

1686
01:24:04.996 --> 01:24:06.084
And then they play it more

1687
01:24:06.084 --> 01:24:08.130
and play it more and play it more

1688
01:24:08.130 --> 01:24:09.653
and then it just snowballed
into something huge.

1689
01:24:12.569 --> 01:24:15.267
Godsmack! Godsmack!
Godsmack!

1690
01:24:15.267 --> 01:24:17.443
They started selling so many
copies that

1691
01:24:17.443 --> 01:24:20.707
when they published the album
sales numbers of everything

1692
01:24:20.707 --> 01:24:24.624
that they were selling week to
week, Godsmack was outselling

1693
01:24:24.624 --> 01:24:28.889
as a local unsigned band,
huge national artists.

1694
01:24:31.240 --> 01:24:32.676
He had done a lot of
work, Sully and the guys.

1695
01:24:32.676 --> 01:24:34.895
They were working the
club circuit heavily.

1696
01:24:34.895 --> 01:24:37.637
They had recorded what was a
great record.

1697
01:24:37.637 --> 01:24:41.250
And as I would come out and
see them play live in clubs

1698
01:24:41.250 --> 01:24:45.123
there, I began to recognize
not only the strength

1699
01:24:45.123 --> 01:24:47.647
of what he was doing, but
also the cause and effect

1700
01:24:47.647 --> 01:24:49.345
with the audiences.

1701
01:24:49.345 --> 01:24:52.870
And it was very small,
but it was meaningful.

1702
01:24:54.611 --> 01:24:57.004
Me and Tony were at rehearsal
one day

1703
01:24:57.004 --> 01:24:58.832
and I came up with this drumbeat.

1704
01:24:58.832 --> 01:25:00.051
So how about going

1705
01:25:04.273 --> 01:25:05.665
so it has a little bit of
thud to the ending of it.

1706
01:25:05.665 --> 01:25:08.581
And Tony started playing
this riff over this drumbeat

1707
01:25:08.581 --> 01:25:10.844
and it turned out to be
the song, "Whatever."

1708
01:25:12.063 --> 01:25:13.630
We wanted to add it to the CD,

1709
01:25:13.630 --> 01:25:15.458
but we didn't wanna record a
whole new CD and everything.

1710
01:25:15.458 --> 01:25:16.894
So we just recorded that one song

1711
01:25:16.894 --> 01:25:18.939
and just taped it onto the CD.

1712
01:25:18.939 --> 01:25:22.247
As a bonus CD because when
that song hit the radio,

1713
01:25:22.247 --> 01:25:23.857
that's when it really blew up
for us.

1714
01:25:23.857 --> 01:25:26.556
âª Better fucking go away

1715
01:25:26.556 --> 01:25:32.257
âª I'm doing the best I ever did
âª

1716
01:25:32.257 --> 01:25:33.998
âª Now go away

1717
01:25:33.998 --> 01:25:35.956
"Whatever" sold thousands of copies.

1718
01:25:35.956 --> 01:25:40.047
Like bam it went from
we sold, you know, 5,000

1719
01:25:40.047 --> 01:25:42.920
to right where we're doing 2000
a week.

1720
01:25:42.920 --> 01:25:44.443
And in the meantime, you know,

1721
01:25:44.443 --> 01:25:47.098
WAAF was just playing the hell
out of it

1722
01:25:47.098 --> 01:25:49.753
so you could feel something happening.

1723
01:25:53.235 --> 01:25:54.845
We were playing a lot of places

1724
01:25:54.845 --> 01:25:57.413
and we were really starting
to build a name for ourselves

1725
01:25:57.413 --> 01:26:00.981
and it sparked the interest
of the record labels.

1726
01:26:00.981 --> 01:26:03.767
âª Let's go

1727
01:26:03.767 --> 01:26:05.203
I think I was probably checking

1728
01:26:05.203 --> 01:26:06.552
on sales of one of our records

1729
01:26:06.552 --> 01:26:08.467
and I remember speaking to someone

1730
01:26:08.467 --> 01:26:11.340
at Newbury Comics calling
around, "Hey, how's this
record?"

1731
01:26:11.340 --> 01:26:13.559
"Hey, it's doing great.
It's number two this week."

1732
01:26:13.559 --> 01:26:15.518
"And well, who's number one?"

1733
01:26:15.518 --> 01:26:17.041
"Yeah, Godsmack."

1734
01:26:18.129 --> 01:26:19.826
I said, "Well, who's Godsmack?"

1735
01:26:21.176 --> 01:26:24.091
Said, "Yeah, he got this
record called 'Whatever.'"

1736
01:26:24.091 --> 01:26:26.181
I said, "Well, can I get a
copy?"

1737
01:26:26.181 --> 01:26:28.835
And it was a CD and then
it had a rubber band

1738
01:26:28.835 --> 01:26:33.623
and then it had this white
additional CD, blank CD,

1739
01:26:33.623 --> 01:26:35.059
just like that.

1740
01:26:37.714 --> 01:26:40.934
So I'm sitting in my
little basement room

1741
01:26:40.934 --> 01:26:43.372
and the phone rings and I pick
it up.

1742
01:26:43.372 --> 01:26:45.722
"Oh, yeah, what? Hello, what?"

1743
01:26:45.722 --> 01:26:48.594
I said, "Hey, I'm from Republic
Records. How you doing?"

1744
01:26:49.508 --> 01:26:50.683
He is like, "Yeah, what
about it, you know?"

1745
01:26:50.683 --> 01:26:51.684
"Quit fucking around, you
asshole,"

1746
01:26:51.684 --> 01:26:54.600
and I hung up the phone,

1747
01:26:54.600 --> 01:26:56.167
I really thought it was a
friend of mine fucking with me.

1748
01:26:56.167 --> 01:26:58.996
I actually hung up on the
president of the record label.

1749
01:26:58.996 --> 01:27:00.650
And so the phone rings again

1750
01:27:00.650 --> 01:27:01.825
and I was like, "Seriously,
I'm not in the fucking mood

1751
01:27:01.825 --> 01:27:02.739
for this today."

1752
01:27:02.739 --> 01:27:05.089
That was clearly Sully.

1753
01:27:05.089 --> 01:27:07.526
And he's like, "No,
don't hang, don't hang up."

1754
01:27:08.788 --> 01:27:11.313
He's like, "No, this is Avery
Lipman from Republic Records,"

1755
01:27:11.313 --> 01:27:13.228
and he started to go on and talk
a lot

1756
01:27:13.228 --> 01:27:15.578
of different kind of terminology,
record label terminology.

1757
01:27:15.578 --> 01:27:17.014
And at that point I go, oh my God,

1758
01:27:17.014 --> 01:27:19.364
like, okay, we don't even have a manager

1759
01:27:19.364 --> 01:27:20.974
and they're talking contracts

1760
01:27:20.974 --> 01:27:22.672
and I don't know anything
about that part of it.

1761
01:27:23.934 --> 01:27:25.370
So I called up Paul Geary

1762
01:27:25.370 --> 01:27:27.720
and he was into management at
the time.

1763
01:27:27.720 --> 01:27:29.896
I had him look at the band a
couple times previous to that,

1764
01:27:29.896 --> 01:27:31.681
but you know, we just weren't
ready yet.

1765
01:27:31.681 --> 01:27:33.813
Finally I called him

1766
01:27:33.813 --> 01:27:34.771
and I said, "Okay, listen,
you're managing the fuckingband.

1767
01:27:34.771 --> 01:27:36.251
That's like what's gonna happen

1768
01:27:36.251 --> 01:27:38.253
because I get record
labels calling my bedroom

1769
01:27:38.253 --> 01:27:40.211
and I don't know anything
about contracts."

1770
01:27:40.211 --> 01:27:44.171
This, I'll never forget.
I remember this intensely.

1771
01:27:44.171 --> 01:27:46.217
I was sitting in my
driveway talking to Sully

1772
01:27:46.217 --> 01:27:47.871
and I said, "Well, we
actually have our first offer,

1773
01:27:47.871 --> 01:27:50.569
but I think it's shit.

1774
01:27:50.569 --> 01:27:52.049
You know, I don't think
that's what we want to do."

1775
01:27:52.049 --> 01:27:55.400
I remember him saying, "Are
you sure? Are you sure?

1776
01:27:55.400 --> 01:27:59.056
We're passing on a major label
deal here."

1777
01:27:59.056 --> 01:28:00.797
And I felt at the time,

1778
01:28:00.797 --> 01:28:03.495
look, I've been doing
this long enough to know

1779
01:28:03.495 --> 01:28:05.454
that I don't know what kind
of deal we're gonna get,

1780
01:28:05.454 --> 01:28:06.803
but we're gonna get a deal.

1781
01:28:08.413 --> 01:28:10.720
And so they ask us to set up a show

1782
01:28:10.720 --> 01:28:12.287
and we're like, no problem.

1783
01:28:12.287 --> 01:28:13.810
Can fucking play anywhere in New England.

1784
01:28:13.810 --> 01:28:15.290
We're gonna pack it in,
We're gonna look awesome.

1785
01:28:15.290 --> 01:28:16.900
We're gonna get a record deal.

1786
01:28:16.900 --> 01:28:20.033
And we show up, we do our
sound check, band sounds great,

1787
01:28:20.033 --> 01:28:21.861
everyone's in a good place.

1788
01:28:21.861 --> 01:28:25.996
We hit the stage. Not a fucking person.

1789
01:28:25.996 --> 01:28:27.302
There may have been 14 people in
the club.

1790
01:28:27.302 --> 01:28:28.825
I remember thinking like it
wasn't full.

1791
01:28:28.825 --> 01:28:30.435
We worried about that 'cause
here we were getting ready

1792
01:28:30.435 --> 01:28:33.177
to, you know, showcase and
there wasn't a full room.

1793
01:28:33.177 --> 01:28:35.962
I was probably optimistic thinking

1794
01:28:35.962 --> 01:28:37.616
there was at least half of a room.

1795
01:28:38.922 --> 01:28:41.446
We're dead, we're dead.

1796
01:28:41.446 --> 01:28:43.013
That never bothered us, you know,

1797
01:28:43.013 --> 01:28:45.798
as far as like, you know,
the small turnout and shows

1798
01:28:45.798 --> 01:28:46.973
because we knew it was a process

1799
01:28:46.973 --> 01:28:48.148
and we knew it was just a matter
of time

1800
01:28:48.148 --> 01:28:49.759
and we just had to be patient.

1801
01:28:49.759 --> 01:28:51.500
And so we just said,

1802
01:28:51.500 --> 01:28:52.675
okay, we gotta pull
our head together here.

1803
01:28:52.675 --> 01:28:54.024
They just wanna see this band play.

1804
01:28:54.024 --> 01:28:55.678
And for whatever it's
worth, man, we got up

1805
01:28:55.678 --> 01:28:57.332
on stage and we played

1806
01:28:57.332 --> 01:29:00.857
to 15 people, just like we
would play to 5,000 people.

1807
01:29:00.857 --> 01:29:03.163
âª Let's go

1808
01:29:07.733 --> 01:29:10.736
And at that point, Republic
came back with a real offer.

1809
01:29:12.390 --> 01:29:14.174
There's a rule of thumb in our business

1810
01:29:14.174 --> 01:29:16.873
that, you know, just when
you feel like all is lost

1811
01:29:16.873 --> 01:29:18.918
and your company's going
down and you just, you know,

1812
01:29:18.918 --> 01:29:20.398
for whatever reason you
can't make the rent,

1813
01:29:20.398 --> 01:29:22.226
you can't pay the bills,

1814
01:29:22.226 --> 01:29:23.358
you can't do this, you can't do that,

1815
01:29:23.358 --> 01:29:24.620
in our business, you've gotta
hang on

1816
01:29:24.620 --> 01:29:26.230
with everything you've got

1817
01:29:26.230 --> 01:29:28.841
because the next day the Beatles
can walk through the door

1818
01:29:28.841 --> 01:29:30.974
and in our case, it was Godsmack.

1819
01:29:30.974 --> 01:29:34.107
Please welcome Godsmack.

1820
01:29:34.107 --> 01:29:37.676
Godsmack.

1821
01:29:37.676 --> 01:29:40.636
He wanted it. If you want
it, you gotta go for it.

1822
01:29:42.159 --> 01:29:44.030
He's touched so many lives

1823
01:29:44.030 --> 01:29:45.728
and helped make their lives better.

1824
01:29:45.728 --> 01:29:47.643
I mean, how can I not be proud?

1825
01:29:51.429 --> 01:29:52.735
He had this one thing

1826
01:29:52.735 --> 01:29:54.606
that he always wanted
his whole entire life.

1827
01:29:58.305 --> 01:30:00.438
I have no other words,
but just simply amazing.

1828
01:30:03.310 --> 01:30:05.443
We're lucky we didn't
end up dead or in jail

1829
01:30:05.443 --> 01:30:08.446
and music, it was just a savior
for us.

1830
01:30:09.447 --> 01:30:11.971
Nothing was handed to him.

1831
01:30:11.971 --> 01:30:14.931
He worked hard for what
he has accomplished.

1832
01:30:16.106 --> 01:30:18.848
Always knew he'd make it and
then he did.

1833
01:30:20.893 --> 01:30:23.635
âª I'm doing the best I ever did
âª

1834
01:30:23.635 --> 01:30:24.984
âª Go away

1835
01:30:24.984 --> 01:30:27.422
âª I'm doing the best that I can
âª

1836
01:30:27.422 --> 01:30:28.814
âª Go away

1837
01:30:28.814 --> 01:30:31.208
âª I'm doing the best I ever did
âª

1838
01:30:31.208 --> 01:30:32.601
âª Go away

1839
01:30:32.601 --> 01:30:34.864
âª I'm doing the best that I can
âª

1840
01:30:34.864 --> 01:30:36.169
âª Go away

1841
01:30:36.169 --> 01:30:37.562
âª Yeah

1842
01:30:37.562 --> 01:30:38.911
âª I'm doing the best I ever did
âª

1843
01:30:38.911 --> 01:30:40.435
âª I'm doing the best that I can
âª

1844
01:30:40.435 --> 01:30:42.393
âª I'm doing the best I ever did
âª

1845
01:30:42.393 --> 01:30:44.569
âª Now go away

1846
01:30:44.569 --> 01:30:46.745
âª I'm doing the best that I ever
did âª

1847
01:30:46.745 --> 01:30:48.704
âª I'm doing the best that I can
âª

1848
01:30:48.704 --> 01:30:50.662
âª I'm doing the best I ever did
âª

1849
01:30:50.662 --> 01:30:52.490
Show me your hands, come on.

1850
01:30:52.490 --> 01:30:53.448
Yeah, yeah!

1851
01:31:00.063 --> 01:31:03.632
âª I'm doing the best I ever did,
go away âª

1852
01:31:03.632 --> 01:31:05.764
âª I'm doing the best that I can
âª

1853
01:31:05.764 --> 01:31:08.898
Godsmack! Godsmack!
Godsmack!

1854
01:31:20.997 --> 01:31:22.520
Sometimes getting to where you want

1855
01:31:22.520 --> 01:31:27.177
to get to, it's not as easy as
it sounds.

1856
01:31:27.177 --> 01:31:28.874
And you're gonna face challenges

1857
01:31:28.874 --> 01:31:31.529
and life is gonna knock you
down on your knees a lot.

1858
01:31:32.791 --> 01:31:35.490
But the people who can stand
tall again

1859
01:31:35.490 --> 01:31:40.190
and get up, no matter how many
times life knocks you down,

1860
01:31:40.190 --> 01:31:43.628
when you can reach down and
find your inner strength

1861
01:31:43.628 --> 01:31:45.543
and inspire others

1862
01:31:45.543 --> 01:31:47.806
and keep working at it, those
are the ones

1863
01:31:47.806 --> 01:31:49.591
that are gonna make it.

1864
01:31:49.591 --> 01:31:52.332
Those are the ones that'll
never live with regret.

1865
01:31:52.332 --> 01:31:54.987
It's all just a part
of the paths we choose.

1866
01:32:03.300 --> 01:32:06.477
I don't remember a lot about
my childhood, especially not

1867
01:32:06.477 --> 01:32:08.958
with him because he was on tour
a lot,

1868
01:32:08.958 --> 01:32:10.742
but I've noticed a lot that

1869
01:32:10.742 --> 01:32:12.265
as I've gotten older, he just wants

1870
01:32:12.265 --> 01:32:13.876
to spend more time with me.

1871
01:32:13.876 --> 01:32:18.445
My dad and I will talk for
hours about like anything.

1872
01:32:20.926 --> 01:32:23.668
Seeing the fans connect with him
so much

1873
01:32:23.668 --> 01:32:24.756
and you know, sing along to his songs

1874
01:32:24.756 --> 01:32:26.932
on stage, it's really cool for me

1875
01:32:26.932 --> 01:32:29.413
but it's almost like surreal,
like all

1876
01:32:29.413 --> 01:32:31.328
of these people love your dad

1877
01:32:31.328 --> 01:32:34.636
because you know, I don't
look at him like Sully.

1878
01:32:34.636 --> 01:32:36.289
I look at him like, dad.

1879
01:33:02.228 --> 01:33:03.839
Son, you're right.

1880
01:33:06.493 --> 01:33:07.799
So they're still fixing the
camera?

1881
01:33:07.799 --> 01:33:09.496
Yeah, I think so.

1882
01:33:11.803 --> 01:33:15.894
So this is my mom, my dear
mom, my one and only mother.

1883
01:33:15.894 --> 01:33:18.244
Thank you, dear. That's it, yeah.

1884
01:33:18.244 --> 01:33:19.202
I think I only have one.

1885
01:33:19.202 --> 01:33:20.856
I hope so.

1886
01:33:20.856 --> 01:33:22.335
We got over all our hangups,

1887
01:33:22.335 --> 01:33:24.294
how I used to be versus what I
am now

1888
01:33:24.294 --> 01:33:25.730
and now we get along great.

1889
01:33:25.730 --> 01:33:27.079
Yeah, I think so.

1890
01:33:27.079 --> 01:33:28.646
I think so too.

1891
01:33:28.646 --> 01:33:30.256
You're still a little bit
of a pain in my ass, but-

1892
01:33:30.256 --> 01:33:31.780
Well not like you're not a
pain in my ass too especially

1893
01:33:31.780 --> 01:33:35.261
when you don't answer your
phone and no, I'm just...

1894
01:33:35.261 --> 01:33:36.262
I'm busy though, you know?

1895
01:33:36.262 --> 01:33:37.873
Yeah, I know I'm busy too.

1896
01:33:37.873 --> 01:33:41.311
We're back at the stoop.
This was like our hiding spot.

1897
01:33:41.311 --> 01:33:44.053
- This was our spot, right?
- This is the hang, yeah.

1898
01:33:44.053 --> 01:33:45.532
I feel so comfortable here.

1899
01:33:45.532 --> 01:33:46.621
Do you?

1900
01:33:46.621 --> 01:33:47.839
I still feel like I gotta kind

1901
01:33:47.839 --> 01:33:49.493
of watch my back a little bit.

1902
01:33:49.493 --> 01:33:51.756
And you guys don't ever fucking
call me.

1903
01:33:52.627 --> 01:33:53.845
Very proud of my friend.

1904
01:33:53.845 --> 01:33:55.934
He has made an impact in the
music world

1905
01:33:55.934 --> 01:33:57.457
and he is my friend.
- Right, well, you know,

1906
01:33:57.457 --> 01:33:58.415
here we go.

1907
01:33:59.372 --> 01:34:00.722
Enough.

1908
01:34:00.722 --> 01:34:02.637
I'm a little bit over
pampered here right now.

1909
01:34:03.681 --> 01:34:06.249
- Never thought I'd hear that
- It's been a great ride.

1910
01:34:06.249 --> 01:34:07.511
Let's keep it going.

1911
01:34:31.840 --> 01:34:36.845
âª I've told you this once
before, you can't control me âª

1912
01:34:36.845 --> 01:34:41.850
âª If you try to take me
down, you're gonna break âª

1913
01:34:42.502 --> 01:34:47.464
âª I feel your every nothing
that you're doing for me âª

1914
01:34:47.769 --> 01:34:52.687
âª I'm thinking you ought
to make your own way âª

1915
01:34:53.557 --> 01:34:58.736
âª I stand alone, inside

1916
01:34:58.736 --> 01:35:03.741
âª I stand alone

1917
01:35:05.177 --> 01:35:10.182
âª You're always hiding behind
your so-called goddess âª

1918
01:35:10.443 --> 01:35:15.361
âª So, what, you don't think
that we can see your face âª

1919
01:35:16.014 --> 01:35:21.019
âª Resurrected back before
the final falling âª

1920
01:35:21.672 --> 01:35:26.633
âª I'll never rest until
I can make my own way âª

1921
01:35:28.548 --> 01:35:32.770
âª I'm not afraid of fading

1922
01:35:32.770 --> 01:35:36.513
âª I stand alone

1923
01:35:36.513 --> 01:35:41.518
âª Feeling your sting down inside
me, I'm not dying for it âª

1924
01:35:43.694 --> 01:35:48.307
âª I stand alone

1925
01:35:48.307 --> 01:35:53.312
âª Everything that I believe is
fading âª

1926
01:35:55.358 --> 01:36:00.276
âª I stand alone, inside

1927
01:36:01.059 --> 01:36:03.714
âª I stand alone

1928
01:36:12.027 --> 01:36:16.988
âª And now, it's my time

1929
01:36:16.988 --> 01:36:21.993
âª It's my time to dream

1930
01:36:22.951 --> 01:36:27.956
âª Dream of the skies

1931
01:36:29.131 --> 01:36:33.700
âª Make me believe that
this place isn't plagued âª

1932
01:36:33.700 --> 01:36:38.749
âª By the poison in me

1933
01:36:40.838 --> 01:36:45.800
âª Help me decide if my
fire will burn out âª

1934
01:36:46.104 --> 01:36:51.022
âª Before you can breathe âª

1935
01:36:52.676 --> 01:36:55.505
âª Breathe into me

1936
01:37:05.602 --> 01:37:10.607
âª I stand alone, inside

1937
01:37:11.042 --> 01:37:15.438
âª I stand alone âª

1938
01:37:15.438 --> 01:37:22.532
âª Feeling your sting down inside
me, I'm not dying for it âª

1939
01:37:22.532 --> 01:37:27.232
âª I stand alone

1940
01:37:27.232 --> 01:37:34.065
âª Everything that I believe is
fading âª

1941
01:37:34.283 --> 01:37:40.071
âª I stand alone, inside âª

1942
01:37:40.071 --> 01:37:46.208
âª I stand alone, inside

1943
01:37:46.643 --> 01:37:51.126
âª I stand alone, inside âª

1944
01:37:51.648 --> 01:37:57.088
âª I stand alone, inside âª