WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:00.909 --> 00:00:02.041 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:02.110 --> 00:00:04.613 [bright tone] 4 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:09.382 [slow percussive music] 5 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 6 00:00:09.451 --> 00:00:13.289 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:25.801 --> 00:00:27.534 - I made my famous lemon squares. 8 00:00:27.603 --> 00:00:28.802 - You did? 9 00:00:28.871 --> 00:00:30.136 Oh, my goodness. - Oh, my gosh. What? 10 00:00:30.205 --> 00:00:31.337 - And he bakes? - Oh, my God. 11 00:00:31.406 --> 00:00:33.773 - Mmm, damn, these are so good. 12 00:00:33.842 --> 00:00:36.008 - These are amazing. - Mmm, mmm. 13 00:00:36.077 --> 00:00:38.345 What is the secret ingredient? - Lemon. 14 00:00:38.414 --> 00:00:39.913 - [laughs] 15 00:00:39.982 --> 00:00:41.481 - Let's go kill it out there, right? 16 00:00:41.550 --> 00:00:42.510 - Mmm. - Yeah. 17 00:00:42.579 --> 00:00:46.720 [cheers and applause] 18 00:00:46.789 --> 00:00:49.689 [mellow music] 19 00:00:49.758 --> 00:00:56.732 ♪ ♪ 20 00:00:59.467 --> 00:01:02.535 - Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage 21 00:01:02.604 --> 00:01:09.041 John Early! 22 00:01:09.110 --> 00:01:12.181 [cheers and applause] 23 00:01:18.220 --> 00:01:21.420 - ♪ Tell you what I did last night ♪ 24 00:01:21.489 --> 00:01:25.124 ♪ I came home, say, around a quarter to 3:00 ♪ 25 00:01:25.192 --> 00:01:29.295 ♪ Still so high, hypnotized ♪ 26 00:01:29.364 --> 00:01:31.898 ♪ In a trance from this body ♪ 27 00:01:31.967 --> 00:01:36.369 ♪ So buttery brown and tantalizing ♪ 28 00:01:36.438 --> 00:01:38.271 ♪ You would have thought I needed help ♪ 29 00:01:38.340 --> 00:01:40.373 ♪ From this feeling that I felt ♪ 30 00:01:40.442 --> 00:01:43.575 ♪ So shook, I had to catch my breath ♪ 31 00:01:43.644 --> 00:01:48.047 ♪ Ooh, there goes my shirt up over my head ♪ 32 00:01:48.116 --> 00:01:49.881 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 33 00:01:49.950 --> 00:01:54.588 ♪ Ooh, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet ♪ 34 00:01:54.657 --> 00:01:56.388 ♪ Oh, my, oh, my ♪ 35 00:01:56.457 --> 00:02:00.893 ♪ Ooh, some kind of touch caressin' my legs ♪ 36 00:02:00.962 --> 00:02:02.695 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 37 00:02:02.764 --> 00:02:08.567 ♪ Ooh, I'm turnin' red, who could this be? ♪ 38 00:02:08.636 --> 00:02:11.637 ♪ I looked over to the left, mm ♪ 39 00:02:11.706 --> 00:02:15.140 ♪ I was lookin' so good, I couldn't reject myself ♪ 40 00:02:15.209 --> 00:02:18.105 ♪ I looked over to the left, mm ♪ 41 00:02:18.174 --> 00:02:21.446 ♪ I was feeling so good, I had to touch myself ♪ 42 00:02:21.515 --> 00:02:25.079 ♪ I looked over to the left, oh ♪ 43 00:02:25.148 --> 00:02:28.120 ♪ I was eyein' my thighs, butter-pecan brown ♪ 44 00:02:28.189 --> 00:02:31.357 ♪ I looked over to the left, ow ♪ 45 00:02:31.426 --> 00:02:35.055 ♪ Comin' out of my shirt, and then my skirt came down ♪ 46 00:02:35.124 --> 00:02:39.565 ♪ Ooh, there goes my shirt up over my head ♪ 47 00:02:39.634 --> 00:02:41.333 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 48 00:02:41.402 --> 00:02:45.738 ♪ Ooh, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet ♪ 49 00:02:45.807 --> 00:02:47.472 ♪ Oh, my, unh ♪ 50 00:02:47.541 --> 00:02:52.245 ♪ Ooh, some kind of touch caressin' my legs ♪ 51 00:02:52.314 --> 00:02:53.880 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 52 00:02:53.949 --> 00:02:59.488 ♪ Ooh, I'm turnin' red, who could this be? ♪ 53 00:03:00.722 --> 00:03:01.855 ♪ Ooh ♪ 54 00:03:01.924 --> 00:03:03.756 Hello, Brooklyn. 55 00:03:03.825 --> 00:03:08.027 [cheers and applause] 56 00:03:08.096 --> 00:03:10.329 It's so nice to be back in the borough 57 00:03:10.398 --> 00:03:14.233 of my wasted sexual prime. 58 00:03:14.302 --> 00:03:16.335 Check, check. Check, check, one, two. 59 00:03:16.404 --> 00:03:17.971 You guys can hear me, right? 60 00:03:18.040 --> 00:03:19.472 Check, check. 61 00:03:19.541 --> 00:03:22.979 I just want to make sure this is amplifying queer voices. 62 00:03:26.314 --> 00:03:29.215 My name is John Early, and I solemnly swear 63 00:03:29.284 --> 00:03:31.384 to make you feel so good tonight. 64 00:03:31.453 --> 00:03:35.689 [cheers and applause] 65 00:03:35.758 --> 00:03:38.023 I will drain you... 66 00:03:38.092 --> 00:03:41.360 like a public pool 67 00:03:41.429 --> 00:03:45.297 after a kid's taken a shit in it. 68 00:03:45.366 --> 00:03:50.002 ♪ Ooh, there goes my shirt up over my head ♪ 69 00:03:50.071 --> 00:03:52.266 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 70 00:03:52.335 --> 00:03:56.175 ♪ Ooh, there goes my skirt droppin' to my knees ♪ 71 00:03:56.244 --> 00:03:58.277 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 72 00:03:58.346 --> 00:04:02.815 ♪ Ooh, some kind of touch caressin' my legs ♪ 73 00:04:02.884 --> 00:04:04.417 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 74 00:04:04.486 --> 00:04:10.026 ♪ Ooh, I'm turnin' red, who could this be? ♪ 75 00:04:11.192 --> 00:04:14.861 [imitates explosion] 76 00:04:14.930 --> 00:04:17.833 [cheers and applause] 77 00:04:33.514 --> 00:04:37.249 Make some noise for John Early and The Lemon Squares! 78 00:04:37.318 --> 00:04:41.653 [cheers and applause] 79 00:04:41.722 --> 00:04:45.061 You're damn right we got the drumhead. 80 00:04:46.395 --> 00:04:48.027 It's official. 81 00:04:48.096 --> 00:04:50.196 Can you believe this band? 82 00:04:50.265 --> 00:04:53.167 [mellow music] 83 00:04:53.236 --> 00:05:00.376 ♪ ♪ 84 00:05:07.516 --> 00:05:10.584 [indistinct chatter] 85 00:05:10.653 --> 00:05:17.023 ♪ ♪ 86 00:05:17.092 --> 00:05:19.428 - All right, guys, let's circle up for a prayer. 87 00:05:20.929 --> 00:05:22.631 Will. 88 00:05:24.032 --> 00:05:25.468 - Sorry, John. 89 00:05:27.770 --> 00:05:29.301 - Dear God, 90 00:05:29.370 --> 00:05:32.171 you know, it's easy to dismiss comedy 91 00:05:32.240 --> 00:05:36.142 as purely silly or as just escapism. 92 00:05:36.211 --> 00:05:38.177 But what we do up there tonight 93 00:05:38.246 --> 00:05:41.080 has the power to change lives. 94 00:05:41.149 --> 00:05:45.145 Just today, a little girl came up to me on the street, 95 00:05:45.214 --> 00:05:48.354 and she told me that my videos and stuff 96 00:05:48.423 --> 00:05:50.523 had given her the courage to come out 97 00:05:50.592 --> 00:05:53.593 to her entire family. 98 00:05:53.662 --> 00:05:55.995 And... 99 00:05:56.064 --> 00:05:57.967 that little girl was me. 100 00:06:01.235 --> 00:06:03.139 That little girl was me. 101 00:06:04.506 --> 00:06:06.142 - Wait, what? 102 00:06:07.275 --> 00:06:09.008 - Yeah, I'm actually confused, too. 103 00:06:09.077 --> 00:06:10.476 One more thing. 104 00:06:10.545 --> 00:06:12.711 I promise, one more thing, and we're gonna get started. 105 00:06:12.780 --> 00:06:15.581 And they're gonna hate me for saying anything at all 106 00:06:15.650 --> 00:06:17.083 because they're very shy, 107 00:06:17.152 --> 00:06:20.352 but my parents are here tonight. 108 00:06:20.421 --> 00:06:24.557 [cheers and applause] 109 00:06:24.626 --> 00:06:26.225 And it's really sweet. 110 00:06:26.294 --> 00:06:28.394 And I just-- it's so sweet to me, 111 00:06:28.463 --> 00:06:30.129 and I just want to acknowledge it. 112 00:06:30.198 --> 00:06:32.198 And I promise not to call any more attention to them, 113 00:06:32.267 --> 00:06:33.700 because they're very, 114 00:06:33.769 --> 00:06:37.036 you know, modest and Presbyterian. 115 00:06:37.105 --> 00:06:38.707 But, yeah. But... 116 00:06:40.341 --> 00:06:43.275 [imitates explosion] 117 00:06:43.344 --> 00:06:46.449 [cheers and applause] 118 00:06:56.158 --> 00:06:58.490 Everybody get a real good look 119 00:06:58.559 --> 00:07:01.730 at my stupid fucking parents. 120 00:07:05.067 --> 00:07:09.205 What's it like being under the spotlight for once? 121 00:07:10.404 --> 00:07:12.505 It feels nice, right? 122 00:07:12.574 --> 00:07:14.941 Well, it's hell for me. 123 00:07:15.010 --> 00:07:18.144 I have to live with that every day. 124 00:07:18.213 --> 00:07:22.348 And, guys, it can all go away in a heartbeat. 125 00:07:22.417 --> 00:07:25.585 Release. 126 00:07:25.654 --> 00:07:28.157 [cheers and applause] 127 00:07:30.191 --> 00:07:32.061 Fuck you. 128 00:07:39.601 --> 00:07:41.604 I hated growing up. 129 00:07:48.811 --> 00:07:49.913 Okay. 130 00:07:52.308 --> 00:07:54.914 We're gonna start the show. Okay. 131 00:07:54.983 --> 00:07:55.919 All right. 132 00:07:57.720 --> 00:07:59.786 If we look back... 133 00:07:59.855 --> 00:08:02.258 at the "Access Hollywood" tapes... 134 00:08:04.860 --> 00:08:07.293 Not so bad. 135 00:08:07.362 --> 00:08:09.829 If we look back soberly, 136 00:08:09.898 --> 00:08:11.730 after stuff has died down just a little bit, 137 00:08:11.799 --> 00:08:14.834 you know, he sounds less predatory in retrospect 138 00:08:14.903 --> 00:08:18.503 and maybe a little more just like someone... 139 00:08:18.572 --> 00:08:21.635 who's terrified of sex, you know? 140 00:08:21.704 --> 00:08:24.911 Like, I think if we're really being honest with ourselves, 141 00:08:24.980 --> 00:08:29.781 like, Trump is just not a sensual person. 142 00:08:29.850 --> 00:08:33.487 Like, I guess it sounded like "locker room talk," 143 00:08:33.556 --> 00:08:35.521 in that it sounded like me 144 00:08:35.590 --> 00:08:39.058 at age 12 in the locker room... 145 00:08:39.127 --> 00:08:41.327 trying to convince a group of straight guys 146 00:08:41.396 --> 00:08:43.132 that I "like Lizzie." 147 00:08:44.994 --> 00:08:46.669 You know, like... 148 00:08:53.641 --> 00:08:56.145 You just grab 'em by the pussy. 149 00:09:01.517 --> 00:09:03.149 Right? 150 00:09:03.218 --> 00:09:04.653 Right? 151 00:09:12.727 --> 00:09:14.998 I moved on her like a bitch. 152 00:09:28.209 --> 00:09:30.176 These are direct quotes. 153 00:09:30.245 --> 00:09:32.512 And my favorite of all time-- my favorite of all time is... 154 00:09:32.581 --> 00:09:34.146 [clears throats] 155 00:09:34.215 --> 00:09:38.187 I better get some Tic Tacs in case I start kissing her. 156 00:09:49.197 --> 00:09:52.532 One of my least favorite pieces of advice 157 00:09:52.601 --> 00:09:55.535 is "be yourself." 158 00:09:55.604 --> 00:09:57.736 And here's why. 159 00:09:57.805 --> 00:10:02.208 If there are eight billion people on this planet, okay-- 160 00:10:02.277 --> 00:10:06.312 eight billion apparently unique individuals 161 00:10:06.381 --> 00:10:10.182 with some sort of authentic self lurking within-- 162 00:10:10.251 --> 00:10:12.651 then being yourself should technically look 163 00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:16.155 about 8 billion different ways, right? 164 00:10:16.224 --> 00:10:18.190 But when someone tells you to be yourself, 165 00:10:18.259 --> 00:10:20.727 they want one thing, and they want one thing only, 166 00:10:20.796 --> 00:10:22.398 and it's this. 167 00:10:30.939 --> 00:10:33.606 There's a monopoly on the tone 168 00:10:33.675 --> 00:10:34.940 of being yourself, right? 169 00:10:35.009 --> 00:10:36.443 Like, everyone always wants this. 170 00:10:36.512 --> 00:10:37.713 They want this. 171 00:10:49.525 --> 00:10:50.960 So corny. 172 00:10:52.994 --> 00:10:54.960 Another piece of advice that I hate 173 00:10:55.029 --> 00:10:57.529 is "a watched pot never boils"... 174 00:10:57.598 --> 00:10:59.832 but specifically in the romantic sense, 175 00:10:59.901 --> 00:11:01.700 you know, when people are like, 176 00:11:01.769 --> 00:11:05.871 "The second you stop looking, he'll come." 177 00:11:05.940 --> 00:11:08.111 "Don't look, then he'll come," you know? 178 00:11:09.977 --> 00:11:13.745 Because if the end goal of not looking, stopping looking 179 00:11:13.814 --> 00:11:17.616 is still just to find someone, that he'll come, 180 00:11:17.685 --> 00:11:19.685 then doesn't that make the not looking 181 00:11:19.754 --> 00:11:22.456 just another form of looking? 182 00:11:22.525 --> 00:11:24.590 How do you not look? 183 00:11:24.659 --> 00:11:27.560 How do you not-- how do you not look? 184 00:11:27.629 --> 00:11:28.695 What? 185 00:11:28.764 --> 00:11:32.465 Like, this is me looking for love. 186 00:11:32.534 --> 00:11:34.995 Ready? This is me looking for love. 187 00:11:35.064 --> 00:11:36.305 That was it. 188 00:11:37.973 --> 00:11:41.207 Because we're all constantly looking for love. 189 00:11:41.275 --> 00:11:42.975 Now this is me-- 190 00:11:43.044 --> 00:11:45.011 this is me not looking for love, okay? 191 00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:47.216 This is me not looking for love. 192 00:11:51.986 --> 00:11:55.021 It's impossible is what I'm trying to say. 193 00:11:55.090 --> 00:11:56.689 You know, what am I supposed to do 194 00:11:56.758 --> 00:11:57.924 on the way to get coffee? 195 00:11:57.993 --> 00:12:01.794 I'm supposed to, like, rock a messy bun 196 00:12:01.863 --> 00:12:03.896 and wear a shapeless baggy T 197 00:12:03.965 --> 00:12:08.067 that's like, "zero fucks given." 198 00:12:08.136 --> 00:12:11.137 [nasal voice] I'm not looking. I'm not looking. 199 00:12:11.206 --> 00:12:12.438 I'm not looking! 200 00:12:12.507 --> 00:12:15.507 [normal voice] And then, boom, it's the barista. 201 00:12:15.576 --> 00:12:17.744 But I hate when people are like, 202 00:12:17.813 --> 00:12:19.478 "Just pour yourself into your work. 203 00:12:19.547 --> 00:12:21.915 Just throw yourself into your work, and then it'll come." 204 00:12:21.984 --> 00:12:24.117 You know, it's like, I'm an actor. 205 00:12:24.186 --> 00:12:27.354 Like, the more I'm working, the more I'm looking for love. 206 00:12:27.423 --> 00:12:28.921 You know? 207 00:12:28.990 --> 00:12:31.524 Like, what am I supposed to do, turn to ceramics? 208 00:12:31.593 --> 00:12:35.761 I become obsessed with, like, working with my hands. 209 00:12:35.830 --> 00:12:39.265 I start making, like, folk art. 210 00:12:39.334 --> 00:12:42.068 I'm like, can someone help me move my sculpture? 211 00:12:42.137 --> 00:12:44.704 It's of a man, but he's made of different guitar parts. 212 00:12:44.773 --> 00:12:46.910 I'm John. 213 00:12:54.650 --> 00:12:57.917 Hi. [chuckles] 214 00:12:57.986 --> 00:13:00.089 This is crazy. [chuckles] 215 00:13:02.591 --> 00:13:04.591 [soft ethereal music] 216 00:13:04.660 --> 00:13:06.560 [indistinct chatter] 217 00:13:06.629 --> 00:13:13.569 ♪ ♪ 218 00:13:15.136 --> 00:13:17.637 both: ♪ Ah, ooh ♪ - Hey, Dom, Princess. 219 00:13:17.706 --> 00:13:18.804 - Yeah? - Hey. 220 00:13:18.873 --> 00:13:20.240 - Do you mind scooting back for me a little bit? 221 00:13:20.309 --> 00:13:21.140 - Oh, sure. 222 00:13:21.209 --> 00:13:22.675 - Of course. How's this? 223 00:13:22.744 --> 00:13:23.843 - Keep going back, actually. 224 00:13:23.912 --> 00:13:25.911 - Oh, okay. - Keep going. 225 00:13:25.980 --> 00:13:26.980 Yeah, don't stop till you feel 226 00:13:27.049 --> 00:13:28.448 that curtain in front of you, okay? 227 00:13:28.517 --> 00:13:29.581 - Oh. 228 00:13:29.650 --> 00:13:30.950 - Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 229 00:13:31.019 --> 00:13:32.352 - Okay. - Keep scooching. 230 00:13:32.421 --> 00:13:33.653 - Uh... 231 00:13:33.722 --> 00:13:35.521 - Yeah. - Right? 232 00:13:35.590 --> 00:13:37.223 - That's pretty good. - Yeah. 233 00:13:37.292 --> 00:13:39.759 So, Yazan, if you can scooch stage right for me. 234 00:13:39.828 --> 00:13:42.995 And, Drew, can you scooch stage left? 235 00:13:43.064 --> 00:13:45.625 Oh, Yazan, stage right is your right. 236 00:13:45.694 --> 00:13:47.833 That's okay, sweetie. Keep scooching. 237 00:13:47.902 --> 00:13:49.969 Keep scooching. Keep scooching, both y'all. 238 00:13:50.038 --> 00:13:51.904 Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 239 00:13:51.973 --> 00:13:53.606 Keep scooching. 240 00:13:53.675 --> 00:13:54.874 Yeah, keep scooching. 241 00:13:54.943 --> 00:13:56.142 - I'm at the top of the steps. 242 00:13:56.211 --> 00:13:59.144 - Well, then scooch on down those steps. 243 00:13:59.213 --> 00:14:01.213 Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 244 00:14:01.282 --> 00:14:03.549 Keep scooching. Keep scooching. 245 00:14:03.618 --> 00:14:05.251 Oh, okay, see how Drew is in that, 246 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:07.654 like, moody kind of shadowy light? 247 00:14:07.723 --> 00:14:09.054 Let's lock that in. 248 00:14:09.123 --> 00:14:10.459 Evan, let's lock that in. 249 00:14:11.960 --> 00:14:14.827 Okay, so, Hess and Will, 250 00:14:14.896 --> 00:14:17.730 can y'all hunch for me? 251 00:14:17.799 --> 00:14:18.832 Hunch. 252 00:14:18.901 --> 00:14:20.700 Yeah, yeah, keep hunching. 253 00:14:20.769 --> 00:14:22.536 Keep hunching. Keep hunching. 254 00:14:22.605 --> 00:14:24.564 Keep hunching. Keep hunching. 255 00:14:24.633 --> 00:14:27.740 Keep hunching. Keep-- Okay, yeah. 256 00:14:27.809 --> 00:14:31.010 See, so this feels dynamic to me. 257 00:14:31.079 --> 00:14:33.479 Right? - I--yeah. 258 00:14:33.548 --> 00:14:34.847 I agree. 259 00:14:34.916 --> 00:14:37.484 [mellow music playing] 260 00:14:37.553 --> 00:14:39.188 - Um... 261 00:14:40.822 --> 00:14:43.492 Sometimes anal is so good. 262 00:14:46.995 --> 00:14:50.366 [imitates explosion] 263 00:14:55.070 --> 00:14:58.041 Buckle up, guys. This is a long joke. 264 00:14:59.641 --> 00:15:00.940 And yeah, 265 00:15:01.009 --> 00:15:04.213 unfortunately for you, I'm a sexual being. 266 00:15:05.648 --> 00:15:07.550 Release. 267 00:15:14.155 --> 00:15:17.691 I'm so sorry about them, you guys. 268 00:15:17.760 --> 00:15:19.225 I literally didn't want them here. 269 00:15:19.294 --> 00:15:21.926 Like, I wanted it to be just us. 270 00:15:37.112 --> 00:15:40.747 Sometimes anal is so good. 271 00:15:40.816 --> 00:15:43.482 It's so good that it makes me wonder-- 272 00:15:43.551 --> 00:15:48.220 it makes me think, like, it's not just some hack. 273 00:15:48.289 --> 00:15:51.023 [laughs] Like, sometimes it's so good, 274 00:15:51.092 --> 00:15:54.661 I'm like, oh, it wasn't just some, like, "sex hack" 275 00:15:54.730 --> 00:15:58.464 invented by homosexuals, like... 276 00:15:58.533 --> 00:16:02.167 300 million years ago or whatever. 277 00:16:02.236 --> 00:16:04.003 Sometimes it's so good that I start to wonder 278 00:16:04.072 --> 00:16:07.106 if, like, the original purpose of the anus 279 00:16:07.175 --> 00:16:09.709 was to be a sex organ, 280 00:16:09.778 --> 00:16:13.680 and that the... shitting--sorry-- 281 00:16:13.749 --> 00:16:16.285 is just some weird error... 282 00:16:17.886 --> 00:16:21.854 That we have yet to phase out... 283 00:16:21.923 --> 00:16:24.293 like the appendix, you know? 284 00:16:25.760 --> 00:16:29.161 I think what I'm trying to say, like, on a science level-- 285 00:16:29.230 --> 00:16:31.998 because in this house, 286 00:16:32.067 --> 00:16:34.770 oh, we believe in science-- 287 00:16:38.568 --> 00:16:40.840 If the anus is, in fact, 288 00:16:40.909 --> 00:16:42.903 a highly functioning sex organ, 289 00:16:42.972 --> 00:16:45.244 like any highly functioning part of the body, 290 00:16:45.313 --> 00:16:48.515 it got that way because of the long, intricate process 291 00:16:48.584 --> 00:16:50.215 of evolution. 292 00:16:50.284 --> 00:16:52.952 So I think what I'm trying to say is-- 293 00:16:53.021 --> 00:16:54.520 I think-- 294 00:16:54.589 --> 00:16:58.958 the people who weren't having anal 295 00:16:59.027 --> 00:17:00.629 died off. 296 00:17:04.232 --> 00:17:06.731 One of my favorite parts about being gay 297 00:17:06.800 --> 00:17:10.269 is when I'm no more than three words into a story 298 00:17:10.338 --> 00:17:13.742 and the person across from me is like, "I can't." 299 00:17:24.786 --> 00:17:27.690 [cheers and applause] 300 00:17:31.154 --> 00:17:32.859 It's like, "How are you, John?" "I'm pretty good." 301 00:17:32.928 --> 00:17:34.363 "I can't with you." 302 00:17:42.904 --> 00:17:45.505 Where'd she go? 303 00:17:45.574 --> 00:17:47.173 "You're insane." 304 00:17:47.242 --> 00:17:48.344 "What?" [chuckles] 305 00:17:50.711 --> 00:17:54.108 Something I love to do, and you guys can do this, too, 306 00:17:54.177 --> 00:17:58.387 is when someone describes their apartment as prewar... 307 00:18:00.622 --> 00:18:02.421 I'll go, "Name that war. 308 00:18:02.490 --> 00:18:04.456 "Five, four, three, two, one. 309 00:18:04.525 --> 00:18:07.359 "I'll circle back to ten, nine, eight, seven, six. 310 00:18:07.428 --> 00:18:09.128 "Name that war in five, in four, 311 00:18:09.197 --> 00:18:10.930 "and name that war in three, in two, 312 00:18:10.999 --> 00:18:12.401 and name that war in one." 313 00:18:17.867 --> 00:18:20.639 And they can never name the war. 314 00:18:20.708 --> 00:18:23.879 They do not know the war of which they speak. 315 00:18:26.714 --> 00:18:28.613 But neither would any of us, you know? 316 00:18:28.682 --> 00:18:31.383 I mean, really, like, none of us here 317 00:18:31.452 --> 00:18:34.257 know anything of war, right? 318 00:18:35.757 --> 00:18:40.226 I guess the only war any of us can really speak to... 319 00:18:40.295 --> 00:18:41.897 the streaming wars. 320 00:18:46.100 --> 00:18:48.735 Which side are you on? 321 00:18:48.804 --> 00:18:52.475 I enlisted at HBO Max. 322 00:18:54.776 --> 00:18:57.677 [mellow music] 323 00:18:57.746 --> 00:18:58.844 ♪ ♪ 324 00:18:58.913 --> 00:19:01.013 - John, you better eat something before the show. 325 00:19:01.082 --> 00:19:02.614 - Yeah. You got to get your energy up. 326 00:19:02.683 --> 00:19:04.784 - Yeah, John. You didn't eat any lunch, man. 327 00:19:04.853 --> 00:19:06.847 It's no joke. 328 00:19:06.916 --> 00:19:09.926 - I guess I'm just not that hungry. 329 00:19:14.458 --> 00:19:15.694 Whoa. 330 00:19:15.763 --> 00:19:18.497 - John, seriously, you got to get you some protein. 331 00:19:18.566 --> 00:19:20.432 - Thank you, sweetie, but I'm totally-- 332 00:19:20.501 --> 00:19:23.168 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 333 00:19:23.237 --> 00:19:24.837 Oh, my God. 334 00:19:24.906 --> 00:19:26.840 Thank you, guys. Here I go. 335 00:19:26.909 --> 00:19:28.711 Here I go. Okay. 336 00:19:30.545 --> 00:19:33.513 - Oh, my God. Okay, Okay. 337 00:19:33.582 --> 00:19:36.048 - All right. 338 00:19:36.117 --> 00:19:37.617 - Watch your head. Watch your head. 339 00:19:37.686 --> 00:19:39.151 - Thank you. 340 00:19:39.220 --> 00:19:40.954 - You okay, buddy? 341 00:19:41.023 --> 00:19:42.822 - Yeah. 342 00:19:42.891 --> 00:19:44.627 Thanks to you guys. 343 00:19:46.161 --> 00:19:48.794 - Want something to eat, pal? 344 00:19:48.863 --> 00:19:50.597 - No. 345 00:19:50.666 --> 00:19:51.968 Still no. 346 00:19:53.568 --> 00:19:56.768 - Some water? - Even that, no. 347 00:19:56.837 --> 00:20:00.339 How do you let your boyfriend go to therapy? 348 00:20:00.408 --> 00:20:02.707 And I don't mean in general. 349 00:20:02.776 --> 00:20:07.313 I mean, how do you let them walk out of the front door? 350 00:20:07.382 --> 00:20:09.982 Like, "Where are you going? Oh, therapy. Cool." 351 00:20:10.051 --> 00:20:11.117 And, like... 352 00:20:11.186 --> 00:20:13.887 "Oh, therapy, yeah, yeah. Have fun." 353 00:20:13.956 --> 00:20:16.355 Like... 354 00:20:16.424 --> 00:20:20.159 they're 100% ripping you 355 00:20:20.228 --> 00:20:22.365 to shreds... 356 00:20:25.266 --> 00:20:30.006 with the help of a licensed professional, hunty. 357 00:20:31.506 --> 00:20:35.508 It's them and someone with a master's degree 358 00:20:35.577 --> 00:20:38.681 taking a blacklight to your personality. 359 00:20:45.085 --> 00:20:48.420 That's why whenever I knew my boyfriend had an appointment, 360 00:20:48.489 --> 00:20:50.189 like, had a session that day, I'd be like, 361 00:20:50.258 --> 00:20:53.029 "Breakfast in bed!" 362 00:20:54.430 --> 00:20:57.566 [laughs awkwardly] 363 00:21:05.268 --> 00:21:07.173 [sighs] You guys, I think just with everything 364 00:21:07.242 --> 00:21:09.675 that's going on in the world right now, 365 00:21:09.744 --> 00:21:12.044 we should do some Britney, right? 366 00:21:12.113 --> 00:21:14.642 [cheers and applause] 367 00:21:14.711 --> 00:21:15.881 Let's do Britney. 368 00:21:15.950 --> 00:21:17.350 Yeah, okay. 369 00:21:17.419 --> 00:21:18.350 Let's do Britney. 370 00:21:18.419 --> 00:21:20.887 Okay, so here's the deal. 371 00:21:20.956 --> 00:21:22.321 I'm going to take a request, 372 00:21:22.390 --> 00:21:26.625 but I need order in the fucking court. 373 00:21:26.694 --> 00:21:29.361 We have her whole catalog ready to go. 374 00:21:29.430 --> 00:21:31.163 It might take a second to lock it in, 375 00:21:31.232 --> 00:21:33.465 but I just need, like, one request. 376 00:21:33.534 --> 00:21:35.235 Oh, yes, pick a Britney song you love. 377 00:21:35.304 --> 00:21:36.569 - "Lucky." 378 00:21:36.638 --> 00:21:38.537 - Any Britney song you want to hear. 379 00:21:38.606 --> 00:21:40.673 Any Britney-- [babbles] bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. 380 00:21:40.742 --> 00:21:42.141 Any Britney song you want to hear. 381 00:21:42.210 --> 00:21:43.608 - "Hold It Against Me." 382 00:21:43.677 --> 00:21:46.449 - And I said-- it was a really simple prompt. 383 00:21:48.183 --> 00:21:50.349 I literally said, pick-- [audience shouts] 384 00:21:50.418 --> 00:21:52.685 Ah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. - "Toxic"! 385 00:21:52.754 --> 00:21:53.886 - Shh! 386 00:21:53.955 --> 00:21:56.121 I said--I quite simply said any Britney song 387 00:21:56.190 --> 00:21:57.757 you want to hear. Yes. 388 00:21:57.826 --> 00:21:58.924 - "Toxic." 389 00:21:58.993 --> 00:22:01.995 - [sighs] Okay, so third album, third single. 390 00:22:02.064 --> 00:22:05.664 Third album, third single. 391 00:22:05.733 --> 00:22:07.534 Third album, third single. Who wants to pick? 392 00:22:07.603 --> 00:22:09.102 Yeah? - "Circus." 393 00:22:09.171 --> 00:22:10.904 - [sighs] 394 00:22:10.973 --> 00:22:12.471 It's just funny 'cause that's probably, 395 00:22:12.540 --> 00:22:15.440 like, the fifth, sixth album. 396 00:22:15.509 --> 00:22:18.210 So, when I say third album... 397 00:22:18.279 --> 00:22:20.649 [laughing] I just have to laugh. 398 00:22:22.150 --> 00:22:23.950 You know? 399 00:22:24.019 --> 00:22:26.453 You know? 400 00:22:26.522 --> 00:22:28.791 I'm just up here laughing. 401 00:22:31.159 --> 00:22:32.759 Third album, third single. 402 00:22:32.828 --> 00:22:34.193 [audience shouts] 403 00:22:34.262 --> 00:22:35.427 - "Stronger." 404 00:22:35.496 --> 00:22:38.264 - Oh, that's the second album. 405 00:22:38.333 --> 00:22:39.732 - "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman." 406 00:22:39.801 --> 00:22:43.069 - Okay, we're closer. We're at the third album. 407 00:22:43.138 --> 00:22:44.403 That was the second single. 408 00:22:44.472 --> 00:22:46.873 - Okay, that's what I thought. - "In the Zone"! 409 00:22:46.942 --> 00:22:49.837 - "Overprotected"! - Let's do "Overprotected." 410 00:22:49.906 --> 00:22:52.812 [cheers and applause] 411 00:22:52.881 --> 00:22:55.214 Do we have that? Do we have "Overprotected"? 412 00:22:55.283 --> 00:22:57.149 ♪ 'Cause my life has been-- ♪ Yeah. 413 00:22:57.218 --> 00:23:00.219 ♪ Overprotected ♪ Yeah, yeah. 414 00:23:00.288 --> 00:23:02.255 [sighs] Okay, thank you. 415 00:23:02.324 --> 00:23:03.526 I love that. 416 00:23:06.161 --> 00:23:09.028 Okay, so can we just lock in the key so I really-- 417 00:23:09.097 --> 00:23:10.330 [keyboard note plays] 418 00:23:10.399 --> 00:23:11.458 Can we actually-- 419 00:23:11.527 --> 00:23:13.533 Sorry, can we build the chord so I really lock it in? 420 00:23:13.602 --> 00:23:14.801 So can you all do-- 421 00:23:14.870 --> 00:23:15.935 ♪ Bush ♪ 422 00:23:16.004 --> 00:23:17.236 all: ♪ Bush ♪ 423 00:23:17.305 --> 00:23:19.238 - And then-- ♪ Did ♪ 424 00:23:19.307 --> 00:23:21.140 all: ♪ Did ♪ 425 00:23:21.209 --> 00:23:26.449 - ♪ 9/11 ♪ 426 00:23:28.316 --> 00:23:29.616 One more time. One more time. 427 00:23:29.685 --> 00:23:34.086 all: ♪ Bush did 9/11 ♪ 428 00:23:34.155 --> 00:23:35.054 - Okay, I'm ready. 429 00:23:35.123 --> 00:23:36.956 I'm ready. 430 00:23:37.025 --> 00:23:38.725 ["Overprotected" playing] 431 00:23:38.794 --> 00:23:42.928 ♪ Say hello to the girl that I am ♪ 432 00:23:42.997 --> 00:23:46.735 ♪ You're gonna have to see through my perspective ♪ 433 00:23:48.202 --> 00:23:52.972 ♪ I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am ♪ 434 00:23:53.041 --> 00:23:57.611 ♪ And I don't wanna be so damn protected ♪ 435 00:23:57.680 --> 00:24:00.980 ♪ There must be another way ♪ 436 00:24:01.049 --> 00:24:04.050 ♪ 'Cause I believe in taking chances ♪ 437 00:24:04.119 --> 00:24:07.620 ♪ Who am I to say what a girl is to do? ♪ 438 00:24:07.689 --> 00:24:09.722 ♪ God, I need some answers ♪ 439 00:24:09.791 --> 00:24:12.324 ♪ What am I to do with my life? ♪ 440 00:24:12.393 --> 00:24:14.626 ♪ You will find it out, don't worry ♪ 441 00:24:14.695 --> 00:24:17.462 ♪ How am I supposed to know what's right? ♪ 442 00:24:17.531 --> 00:24:19.832 ♪ You just gotta do it your way ♪ 443 00:24:19.901 --> 00:24:22.734 ♪ I can't help the way I feel ♪ 444 00:24:22.803 --> 00:24:26.809 ♪ But my life is has been so overprotected ♪ 445 00:24:28.771 --> 00:24:33.012 ♪ I'll tell 'em what I like, what I want and what I don't ♪ 446 00:24:33.081 --> 00:24:37.083 ♪ Oh, but every time I do, I stand corrected ♪ 447 00:24:37.152 --> 00:24:38.651 ♪ Do, do, do, do ♪ 448 00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:40.119 ♪ Things that I've been told ♪ 449 00:24:40.188 --> 00:24:43.355 ♪ I can't believe what I hear about the world ♪ 450 00:24:43.424 --> 00:24:48.327 ♪ I realize I'm overprotected ♪ 451 00:24:48.396 --> 00:24:51.697 ♪ There must be another way ♪ 452 00:24:51.766 --> 00:24:54.733 ♪ 'Cause I believe in taking chances ♪ 453 00:24:54.802 --> 00:24:58.170 ♪ But who am I to say what a girl is to do? ♪ 454 00:24:58.239 --> 00:24:59.772 ♪ God, I need some answers ♪ 455 00:24:59.841 --> 00:25:02.775 ♪ What am I to do with my life? ♪ 456 00:25:02.844 --> 00:25:04.978 ♪ You will find it out, don't worry ♪ 457 00:25:05.047 --> 00:25:07.813 ♪ How am I supposed to know what's right? ♪ 458 00:25:07.882 --> 00:25:10.210 ♪ You just gotta do it your way ♪ 459 00:25:10.279 --> 00:25:12.918 ♪ I can't help the way I feel ♪ 460 00:25:12.987 --> 00:25:17.157 ♪ But my life has been so overprotected ♪ 461 00:25:17.226 --> 00:25:20.159 ♪ ♪ 462 00:25:20.228 --> 00:25:23.830 ♪ I need time ♪ 463 00:25:23.899 --> 00:25:25.164 ♪ Space ♪ 464 00:25:25.233 --> 00:25:27.836 ♪ I need love ♪ 465 00:25:29.004 --> 00:25:30.102 ♪ Need ♪ 466 00:25:30.171 --> 00:25:32.739 ♪ I don't need nobody telling me just what I wanna ♪ 467 00:25:32.808 --> 00:25:35.709 ♪ What I, what, what, what I'm gonna ♪ 468 00:25:35.778 --> 00:25:38.777 ♪ Gonna do about my destiny ♪ 469 00:25:38.846 --> 00:25:43.082 ♪ I say no, no, nobody telling me just what I wanna do, do ♪ 470 00:25:43.151 --> 00:25:44.851 ♪ I'm so fed up with people telling me ♪ 471 00:25:44.920 --> 00:25:48.091 ♪ To be someone else but me ♪ 472 00:25:49.925 --> 00:25:52.825 [vocalizing] 473 00:25:52.894 --> 00:25:55.127 ♪ ♪ 474 00:25:55.196 --> 00:25:58.258 ♪ How am I supposed to know what's right? ♪ 475 00:25:58.327 --> 00:26:00.099 ♪ You just gotta do it your way ♪ 476 00:26:00.168 --> 00:26:02.335 ♪ Oh, I can't ♪ 477 00:26:02.404 --> 00:26:04.537 [vocalizing] 478 00:26:04.606 --> 00:26:08.274 ♪ Overprotected ♪ 479 00:26:08.343 --> 00:26:11.147 [cheers and applause] 480 00:26:13.509 --> 00:26:15.247 - Can you talk a little about how you all 481 00:26:15.316 --> 00:26:17.782 started playing together? 482 00:26:17.851 --> 00:26:20.954 - We used to do this show in fucking basements, man, 483 00:26:21.023 --> 00:26:24.424 for anyone who would fucking listen. 484 00:26:24.493 --> 00:26:26.192 People used to storm out. 485 00:26:26.261 --> 00:26:27.861 They had seen comedy, sure. 486 00:26:27.930 --> 00:26:29.829 They had seen music, yeah. 487 00:26:29.898 --> 00:26:33.466 At the same time, interwoven? 488 00:26:33.535 --> 00:26:34.433 No. 489 00:26:34.502 --> 00:26:36.736 - Does anyone want me to roll them a joint? 490 00:26:36.805 --> 00:26:37.898 - For sure. - Yeah. 491 00:26:37.967 --> 00:26:39.005 - I'm good. 492 00:26:39.074 --> 00:26:41.541 - Puff, puff, pass, man, right? 493 00:26:41.610 --> 00:26:43.379 - That's just tobacco. 494 00:26:46.482 --> 00:26:47.917 - Oh. 495 00:26:50.652 --> 00:26:53.686 Bowling is hell. 496 00:26:53.755 --> 00:26:56.322 I'll go there. I'll go there. I'm not afraid. 497 00:26:56.391 --> 00:26:58.557 It's so vulnerable. 498 00:26:58.626 --> 00:27:02.328 You know, like, the ball is literally too heavy 499 00:27:02.397 --> 00:27:04.798 to pretend to be too cool. 500 00:27:04.867 --> 00:27:08.067 You can't be like, pfft, you know? 501 00:27:08.136 --> 00:27:09.636 It would hurt your wrist, you know? 502 00:27:09.705 --> 00:27:12.205 You have to use your whole body. 503 00:27:12.274 --> 00:27:14.007 It's very gay. 504 00:27:14.076 --> 00:27:15.341 You have to go-- 505 00:27:15.410 --> 00:27:19.045 [grunts effeminately] You know? 506 00:27:19.114 --> 00:27:22.348 And by the way, when you're coming up to do it, 507 00:27:22.417 --> 00:27:25.785 suddenly everyone you came with is now behind you... 508 00:27:25.854 --> 00:27:28.988 [imitates snickering] 509 00:27:29.057 --> 00:27:32.795 Staring at your thick Mark Zuckerberg ass. 510 00:27:38.133 --> 00:27:40.600 The staff's having a ball. They're like-- 511 00:27:40.669 --> 00:27:43.772 [imitates laughing] 512 00:27:44.939 --> 00:27:47.574 Okay, so after all that, say you do well. 513 00:27:47.643 --> 00:27:49.108 It's even worse, 514 00:27:49.177 --> 00:27:52.678 because I feel like there's really no-- 515 00:27:52.747 --> 00:27:55.447 there's no way to, like, sincerely celebrate 516 00:27:55.516 --> 00:27:58.552 your victories as a bowler unless you're a professional, 517 00:27:58.621 --> 00:27:59.952 unless you're in a league, 518 00:28:00.021 --> 00:28:02.589 you know, where you can fully do it, and, yeah, you know? 519 00:28:02.658 --> 00:28:04.423 Wah! You know? 520 00:28:04.492 --> 00:28:08.227 But we all bowl at children's birthday parties. 521 00:28:08.296 --> 00:28:10.763 That's not part of the social contract. 522 00:28:10.832 --> 00:28:12.898 You know, you look crazy if you--wow-- 523 00:28:12.967 --> 00:28:14.900 if you do what you really wanted to do. 524 00:28:14.969 --> 00:28:17.737 And so you have to immediately press it down. 525 00:28:17.806 --> 00:28:20.906 You have to immediately suppress it. 526 00:28:20.975 --> 00:28:23.543 And this is what you have to do, and I know you know. 527 00:28:23.612 --> 00:28:25.545 Okay, so I'll do it for you. 528 00:28:25.614 --> 00:28:26.913 You do well, 529 00:28:26.982 --> 00:28:29.018 and then you turn around, and you're like... 530 00:28:39.594 --> 00:28:41.956 You have to do a little dance. 531 00:28:42.025 --> 00:28:44.630 It sucks. 532 00:28:44.699 --> 00:28:46.999 And you literally have to pretend to forget 533 00:28:47.068 --> 00:28:49.201 what you just accomplished. 534 00:28:49.270 --> 00:28:51.938 And you're literally-- you're trying not to smile. 535 00:28:52.007 --> 00:28:54.343 You're like, should I get us more beer? 536 00:28:56.911 --> 00:28:59.539 You guys want more beer? 537 00:28:59.608 --> 00:29:02.948 The corners of your mouth are quivering 538 00:29:03.017 --> 00:29:06.055 from trying not to smile, and you're 35. 539 00:29:07.555 --> 00:29:09.358 And you're like, who's next? 540 00:29:11.627 --> 00:29:13.896 Who's next? Who's next? 541 00:29:18.567 --> 00:29:20.099 It's hell. 542 00:29:20.168 --> 00:29:21.901 There's this thing that happens on the iPhone now 543 00:29:21.970 --> 00:29:24.904 when you download an app. 544 00:29:24.973 --> 00:29:28.775 It is a pop-up, and it asks a question. 545 00:29:28.844 --> 00:29:30.109 It's not really a question. 546 00:29:30.178 --> 00:29:31.644 They put a little question mark on it, 547 00:29:31.713 --> 00:29:32.946 but if you look at the-- 548 00:29:33.015 --> 00:29:36.282 on a sentence level, it is a command. 549 00:29:36.351 --> 00:29:37.583 Okay? 550 00:29:37.652 --> 00:29:39.786 And it says--it's like... 551 00:29:39.855 --> 00:29:42.955 allow app to track activity 552 00:29:43.024 --> 00:29:46.092 across other apps and websites. 553 00:29:46.161 --> 00:29:49.629 It's so confusing. It's so confusing. 554 00:29:49.698 --> 00:29:51.931 There are two options. 555 00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:55.404 One of the options is "allow." 556 00:30:01.210 --> 00:30:02.411 Allow. 557 00:30:04.078 --> 00:30:06.779 It's one word. It's a beautiful word. 558 00:30:06.848 --> 00:30:08.782 You know, there are no plosives, no... 559 00:30:08.851 --> 00:30:10.584 [beat boxes] You know what I mean? 560 00:30:10.653 --> 00:30:12.117 Like... [imitates crackling] 561 00:30:12.186 --> 00:30:14.720 Like, it's just allow, allow. 562 00:30:14.789 --> 00:30:16.622 Allow. 563 00:30:16.691 --> 00:30:18.358 Allow. It's so pillowy. 564 00:30:18.427 --> 00:30:20.460 Allow. 565 00:30:20.529 --> 00:30:21.965 Allow. 566 00:30:23.431 --> 00:30:25.134 It's like a Clearasil comm-- It's... 567 00:30:27.669 --> 00:30:29.836 Allow, you know? 568 00:30:29.905 --> 00:30:31.975 Neutrogena maybe. I don't know. 569 00:30:33.908 --> 00:30:35.375 Okay, that's one option. 570 00:30:35.444 --> 00:30:36.809 The other option-- 571 00:30:36.878 --> 00:30:39.812 the other option is... 572 00:30:39.881 --> 00:30:44.453 "ask app not to track." 573 00:30:46.054 --> 00:30:49.122 Ow. Ow. You know? 574 00:30:49.191 --> 00:30:50.990 A-ask... 575 00:30:51.059 --> 00:30:55.631 ask app not to track. 576 00:30:56.832 --> 00:30:58.264 Ask-- 577 00:30:58.333 --> 00:31:00.065 Wait. 578 00:31:00.134 --> 00:31:02.569 It's so, unh, unh, unh. 579 00:31:02.638 --> 00:31:06.475 Ask app not to track. 580 00:31:07.976 --> 00:31:11.511 Ah, ah. It's like, ask app not to track. 581 00:31:11.580 --> 00:31:13.016 [chokes] It's-- 582 00:31:14.682 --> 00:31:18.818 You know Apple poured billions of dollars into researching, 583 00:31:18.887 --> 00:31:23.889 like, what is the single most suicidal sequence 584 00:31:23.958 --> 00:31:26.662 of monosyllabic sounds? 585 00:31:28.397 --> 00:31:31.334 [grunting oddly] 586 00:31:33.735 --> 00:31:35.835 Ya! 587 00:31:35.904 --> 00:31:40.676 Ask app not to track. 588 00:31:42.211 --> 00:31:43.376 Ya! 589 00:31:43.445 --> 00:31:45.381 [grunts] 590 00:31:47.549 --> 00:31:50.486 [grunting oddly] 591 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:53.614 It sucks. 592 00:31:53.683 --> 00:31:55.650 It's like-- it's like the birds. 593 00:31:55.719 --> 00:31:59.192 You're like, ask app not to track. 594 00:31:59.261 --> 00:32:00.955 Because this is the thing. 595 00:32:01.024 --> 00:32:04.230 It's the first option of the two, and that's by design. 596 00:32:04.299 --> 00:32:06.232 So you're reading the question. 597 00:32:06.301 --> 00:32:09.334 You're like, it's so confusing. 598 00:32:09.403 --> 00:32:13.239 Allow app to track-- to track activity. 599 00:32:13.308 --> 00:32:15.307 And you see it, like, poking up 600 00:32:15.376 --> 00:32:17.276 because it's just under the question. 601 00:32:17.345 --> 00:32:19.945 It's poking up through. You're like, no, no! 602 00:32:20.014 --> 00:32:21.247 And you're trying to make your way. 603 00:32:21.316 --> 00:32:24.751 It's like, ask app not to track. 604 00:32:24.820 --> 00:32:26.219 And you see allow, and you're like... 605 00:32:26.288 --> 00:32:28.291 [sobs] 606 00:32:33.094 --> 00:32:35.564 [sobbing] Allow. Allow. 607 00:32:37.633 --> 00:32:40.569 [sobbing] 608 00:32:47.443 --> 00:32:50.709 [sighs] 609 00:32:50.778 --> 00:32:53.846 And by the way, I do think that Apple's primary tactic 610 00:32:53.915 --> 00:32:55.114 is just to scare you. 611 00:32:55.183 --> 00:32:56.548 I think it's to terrify you. 612 00:32:56.617 --> 00:32:58.484 But I also think they're doing something 613 00:32:58.553 --> 00:33:01.186 more kind of subliminal and social. 614 00:33:01.255 --> 00:33:04.656 Like, imagine someone ever saying that to you, 615 00:33:04.725 --> 00:33:07.560 you know, like, just at a party, across the room. 616 00:33:07.629 --> 00:33:09.662 Ask app not to track. 617 00:33:09.731 --> 00:33:12.031 Like, ask app not to track. 618 00:33:12.100 --> 00:33:14.934 Like, you can't wrap your mouth around it. 619 00:33:15.003 --> 00:33:16.402 It's so, like, you know-- 620 00:33:16.471 --> 00:33:18.004 I'm trying to put it in other voices, 621 00:33:18.073 --> 00:33:19.439 like, ask app not to track. 622 00:33:19.508 --> 00:33:20.973 Like, it-- 623 00:33:21.042 --> 00:33:22.875 Ask app not to track. 624 00:33:22.944 --> 00:33:25.511 Like, you can't even say it. 625 00:33:25.580 --> 00:33:28.448 Like, if someone said that to me, I'd be like... 626 00:33:28.517 --> 00:33:29.785 fucking dork. 627 00:33:32.053 --> 00:33:36.325 We're gonna be over here, allowing. 628 00:33:38.159 --> 00:33:39.628 Aren't we, girls? 629 00:33:42.163 --> 00:33:46.335 By the way, they could have just said no. 630 00:33:48.169 --> 00:33:50.637 Don't allow. No. 631 00:33:50.706 --> 00:33:53.573 [mellow music playing] 632 00:33:53.642 --> 00:33:59.211 ♪ ♪ 633 00:33:59.280 --> 00:34:01.714 - Wait. So Paul was left-handed? 634 00:34:01.783 --> 00:34:03.016 - He's actually right-handed. 635 00:34:03.085 --> 00:34:04.745 He just played a left-handed bass. 636 00:34:04.814 --> 00:34:06.486 - Wow. That's so amazing. - Yeah. 637 00:34:06.555 --> 00:34:07.920 - That's so cool. 638 00:34:07.989 --> 00:34:09.456 - Yeah, that's one of my favorites. 639 00:34:09.525 --> 00:34:10.455 - Me too. 640 00:34:10.524 --> 00:34:12.859 - Did you guys see the documentary? 641 00:34:12.928 --> 00:34:14.159 - I haven't seen it yet. 642 00:34:14.228 --> 00:34:16.596 - Can I try? - Yeah, sure. 643 00:34:16.665 --> 00:34:17.666 - Cool. 644 00:34:20.068 --> 00:34:22.035 Can you hold this? 645 00:34:22.104 --> 00:34:25.438 So how do you do, like, a D chord or whatever? 646 00:34:25.507 --> 00:34:28.442 - See the fifth fret here? Just... 647 00:34:28.511 --> 00:34:29.970 - You know what? 648 00:34:30.039 --> 00:34:31.944 Can you just come around from behind and show me? 649 00:34:32.013 --> 00:34:33.780 You know, like in golf, when someone's 650 00:34:33.849 --> 00:34:34.947 trying to teach someone to swing 651 00:34:35.016 --> 00:34:36.182 and they're, like, fully wrapped 652 00:34:36.251 --> 00:34:37.717 around the other person. 653 00:34:37.786 --> 00:34:38.852 - Sure. - Yeah. 654 00:34:38.921 --> 00:34:40.753 - Okay. 655 00:34:40.822 --> 00:34:42.088 All right. 656 00:34:42.157 --> 00:34:43.156 So just put your hand here. 657 00:34:43.225 --> 00:34:44.558 - Here? - Mm-hmm. Yep. 658 00:34:44.627 --> 00:34:47.093 And then just here. 659 00:34:47.162 --> 00:34:48.560 Yeah, it looks good. 660 00:34:48.629 --> 00:34:50.229 - I feel like I'm not doing it right. 661 00:34:50.298 --> 00:34:51.931 Okay, wait. So it's... 662 00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:54.367 paradiddle. [drumming] 663 00:34:54.436 --> 00:34:55.801 Paradi-- 664 00:34:55.870 --> 00:34:58.371 Oh, I can't do it. 665 00:34:58.440 --> 00:35:01.273 - It's right, left, right, right. 666 00:35:01.342 --> 00:35:04.476 Left, right, left, left. - Will you just show me? 667 00:35:04.545 --> 00:35:08.848 But use my hands like they're your hands, like in golf. 668 00:35:08.917 --> 00:35:11.951 - Yeah, sure. - Okay. 669 00:35:12.020 --> 00:35:15.158 [drumming] 670 00:35:18.427 --> 00:35:20.794 [giggles] 671 00:35:20.863 --> 00:35:22.731 We did it. [laughs] 672 00:35:24.232 --> 00:35:25.665 And so jazz is more kind of-- 673 00:35:25.734 --> 00:35:28.337 [cymbal playing] 674 00:35:29.805 --> 00:35:30.970 - Yeah. 675 00:35:31.039 --> 00:35:32.841 - I thought that was jazz. 676 00:35:33.909 --> 00:35:35.278 Don't be shy. 677 00:35:37.012 --> 00:35:39.411 - There. 678 00:35:39.480 --> 00:35:40.947 And then-- [chord plays] 679 00:35:41.016 --> 00:35:44.687 - [giggles] So cool. 680 00:35:49.925 --> 00:35:52.828 [soft indistinct chatter] 681 00:35:55.163 --> 00:35:56.632 - [clears throat] 682 00:36:06.374 --> 00:36:10.042 [soft piano music playing] 683 00:36:10.111 --> 00:36:16.182 ♪ ♪ 684 00:36:16.251 --> 00:36:18.150 Do you guys ever feel like we didn't learn 685 00:36:18.219 --> 00:36:19.952 anything real in school? 686 00:36:20.021 --> 00:36:26.860 ♪ ♪ 687 00:36:26.929 --> 00:36:30.464 I feel that way sometimes. 688 00:36:30.533 --> 00:36:31.998 [giggles] 689 00:36:32.067 --> 00:36:33.366 But really, I do. 690 00:36:33.435 --> 00:36:35.734 I really do feel that way sometimes. 691 00:36:35.803 --> 00:36:39.239 I hate to, like, average us out to the same generation, 692 00:36:39.308 --> 00:36:40.506 but I'm going to 693 00:36:40.575 --> 00:36:43.009 for the purposes of this next bit. 694 00:36:43.078 --> 00:36:45.111 But I don't know. 695 00:36:45.180 --> 00:36:48.615 I feel like sometimes we missed the cutoff 696 00:36:48.684 --> 00:36:52.018 for a quality education, you know? 697 00:36:52.087 --> 00:36:53.822 I can't count. 698 00:36:56.591 --> 00:36:58.557 I mean, I can count. I can count. 699 00:36:58.626 --> 00:37:01.830 But, like, when I get to, like, 12... 700 00:37:03.965 --> 00:37:07.566 13, 14... 701 00:37:07.635 --> 00:37:10.436 I mean, a panic really starts to set in. 702 00:37:10.505 --> 00:37:12.841 I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know? 703 00:37:14.375 --> 00:37:19.243 Like, I don't know anything about history. 704 00:37:20.482 --> 00:37:22.514 I know nothing about history. 705 00:37:22.583 --> 00:37:27.053 Like, I do not know what happened, y'all. 706 00:37:27.122 --> 00:37:30.393 I don't know what happened. 707 00:37:31.993 --> 00:37:33.862 I don't know what happened. 708 00:37:38.834 --> 00:37:41.366 I never read any great literature, 709 00:37:41.435 --> 00:37:42.768 you know, like-- even the practical stuff. 710 00:37:42.837 --> 00:37:44.703 Like, we didn't have home ec, you know? 711 00:37:44.772 --> 00:37:47.406 Like, here's what it boils down to for me. 712 00:37:47.475 --> 00:37:50.413 Like, I don't know how to do my taxes. 713 00:37:52.014 --> 00:37:54.880 But I do know how to, like... 714 00:37:54.949 --> 00:37:56.682 be a badass. 715 00:37:56.751 --> 00:37:59.552 ♪ ♪ 716 00:37:59.621 --> 00:38:01.821 You know what I'm saying? 717 00:38:01.890 --> 00:38:04.023 I feel like they just churned out a bunch 718 00:38:04.092 --> 00:38:06.926 of, like, total badasses. 719 00:38:06.995 --> 00:38:10.595 ♪ ♪ 720 00:38:10.664 --> 00:38:14.533 But the shells of badasses, the shells of badasses 721 00:38:14.602 --> 00:38:18.171 with no, like, discernible worldview, you know, 722 00:38:18.240 --> 00:38:19.839 or skills, you know. 723 00:38:19.908 --> 00:38:23.577 Like, no one wants to be a locksmith anymore. 724 00:38:23.646 --> 00:38:25.378 You know? 725 00:38:25.447 --> 00:38:29.748 Everyone just wants to make cake pops... 726 00:38:29.817 --> 00:38:33.622 or make videos of themselves making cake pops, you know? 727 00:38:35.423 --> 00:38:38.625 I feel like the only thing we were really taught 728 00:38:38.694 --> 00:38:41.397 as a generation is just to vamp. 729 00:38:43.465 --> 00:38:45.297 Just hold the floor. 730 00:38:45.366 --> 00:38:47.934 Just keep holding that floor. 731 00:38:48.003 --> 00:38:50.535 Keep talking. Keep talking. Keep talking. 732 00:38:50.604 --> 00:38:52.839 You know, in the boardroom, in the classroom, 733 00:38:52.908 --> 00:38:54.373 on your fucking podcast, 734 00:38:54.442 --> 00:38:57.409 just keep stringing those words together. 735 00:38:57.478 --> 00:39:00.379 It does not matter if you don't know what they mean. 736 00:39:00.448 --> 00:39:03.883 Keep talking. Just keep talking, you know? 737 00:39:03.952 --> 00:39:08.491 We're just a bunch of used-car sales folks... 738 00:39:10.625 --> 00:39:14.059 A bunch of disruptors and creatives just... 739 00:39:14.128 --> 00:39:17.263 bumping up into each other... 740 00:39:17.332 --> 00:39:21.768 a bunch of doers and makers roaming the streets at night. 741 00:39:21.837 --> 00:39:23.602 Mm. 742 00:39:23.671 --> 00:39:25.404 Okay, yeah. No, I'll give you that. 743 00:39:25.473 --> 00:39:28.174 We're makers. We're good at making. 744 00:39:28.243 --> 00:39:30.446 Making shit up. 745 00:39:36.818 --> 00:39:39.218 I feel like now when people are like, "Oh, my God, 746 00:39:39.287 --> 00:39:41.053 it's such a small world," 747 00:39:41.122 --> 00:39:43.159 it's like, is it? 748 00:39:45.393 --> 00:39:47.192 Or did we both just go to private school 749 00:39:47.261 --> 00:39:48.831 and now work for Vulture? 750 00:40:00.308 --> 00:40:02.976 I feel like modern online life 751 00:40:03.045 --> 00:40:07.446 is just kind of toggling between two emotional states. 752 00:40:07.515 --> 00:40:11.017 One is being so full of rage and pointing the finger, 753 00:40:11.086 --> 00:40:13.319 you know, scolding someone. 754 00:40:13.388 --> 00:40:16.923 And the other is being so full of rage 755 00:40:16.992 --> 00:40:19.562 and pretending your friend is hot. 756 00:40:22.030 --> 00:40:24.733 And I want to talk about the second one... 757 00:40:26.268 --> 00:40:30.035 'Cause there's plenty of literature on the first. 758 00:40:30.104 --> 00:40:32.438 We all know the post. We all know the post. 759 00:40:32.507 --> 00:40:34.673 It's like-- it's always something like, 760 00:40:34.742 --> 00:40:39.379 "Growing up gay, I was taught not to take up space." 761 00:40:39.448 --> 00:40:46.448 ♪ ♪ 762 00:40:46.587 --> 00:40:51.227 As a gay man, I was told not to celebrate myself. 763 00:40:52.895 --> 00:40:57.600 So this won't come naturally to me! 764 00:40:59.367 --> 00:41:03.035 Bear with me, gang. 765 00:41:03.104 --> 00:41:06.872 But here is a picture of me with cum gutters. 766 00:41:06.941 --> 00:41:12.878 ♪ ♪ 767 00:41:12.947 --> 00:41:15.480 Whoo! 768 00:41:15.549 --> 00:41:17.750 And, you know, it's so outwardly meek, 769 00:41:17.819 --> 00:41:19.484 that post, you know, like... 770 00:41:19.553 --> 00:41:22.455 But the subtext of that post-- 771 00:41:22.524 --> 00:41:24.627 the subtext is this... 772 00:41:35.236 --> 00:41:37.704 And we're all so miserable, 773 00:41:37.773 --> 00:41:41.040 but we just line up anyway, you know? 774 00:41:41.109 --> 00:41:42.645 We're like--we're like... 775 00:41:51.853 --> 00:41:55.421 Fire emoji. Fire emoji. Fire emoji. 776 00:41:55.490 --> 00:42:01.789 ♪ ♪ 777 00:42:01.858 --> 00:42:04.833 Yas, mama! 778 00:42:07.468 --> 00:42:09.235 I wish you all could see me 779 00:42:09.304 --> 00:42:13.842 at home with my dead-ass eyes, like, "Yas, mama." 780 00:42:17.145 --> 00:42:19.315 Go all the way off. 781 00:42:21.717 --> 00:42:23.852 You better work. 782 00:42:26.387 --> 00:42:27.854 We have to break free. 783 00:42:27.923 --> 00:42:29.889 [scoffs] We have to break free 784 00:42:29.958 --> 00:42:34.330 from this, like, fire-emoji death pact. 785 00:42:35.631 --> 00:42:39.265 I feel like the only... 786 00:42:39.334 --> 00:42:43.636 only kind of form of community I have these days 787 00:42:43.705 --> 00:42:46.009 is my Grindr Grid. 788 00:42:48.076 --> 00:42:50.543 And I don't mean the people on the Grid. 789 00:42:50.612 --> 00:42:54.274 I mean the Grid itself. 790 00:42:54.343 --> 00:42:55.948 You know, it's getting to the point 791 00:42:56.017 --> 00:42:57.650 where I'm, like, tucking in at night, 792 00:42:57.719 --> 00:42:59.786 like, turning on the app, 793 00:42:59.855 --> 00:43:01.788 absolutely no intention of going out 794 00:43:01.857 --> 00:43:03.288 and hooking up or whatever, you know? 795 00:43:03.357 --> 00:43:06.195 And I'm literally--I'm like, good night, you guys. 796 00:43:09.131 --> 00:43:11.764 [smooching] 797 00:43:11.833 --> 00:43:13.599 Good night, John. Good night, John. 798 00:43:13.668 --> 00:43:15.368 Good night, John. Good night, John. 799 00:43:15.437 --> 00:43:19.972 ♪ ♪ 800 00:43:20.041 --> 00:43:22.474 'Cause, you know, I've lived in the same neighborhood 801 00:43:22.543 --> 00:43:24.443 for, like, seven years or something. 802 00:43:24.512 --> 00:43:27.880 Like, it's the same 30 gay guys, 803 00:43:27.949 --> 00:43:29.481 like, in a mile radius, 804 00:43:29.550 --> 00:43:31.450 all of us in our little boxes 805 00:43:31.519 --> 00:43:33.553 like some depraved Brady Bunch. 806 00:43:33.622 --> 00:43:35.020 Like... 807 00:43:35.089 --> 00:43:42.065 ♪ ♪ 808 00:43:46.835 --> 00:43:50.669 I've never asked a neighbor for sugar. 809 00:43:50.738 --> 00:43:54.674 I've never so much as even waved at a neighbor. 810 00:43:54.743 --> 00:43:57.243 But I do know that he's uncut. 811 00:43:57.312 --> 00:44:04.253 ♪ ♪ 812 00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:09.589 I feel like there's no small talk anymore. 813 00:44:09.658 --> 00:44:11.824 You know, like... 814 00:44:11.893 --> 00:44:14.226 no one talks about the weather anymore. 815 00:44:14.295 --> 00:44:17.829 Like, I feel like now, when you step on to an elevator 816 00:44:17.898 --> 00:44:20.667 with a complete stranger, moment one, they're like, 817 00:44:20.736 --> 00:44:22.805 "My dad was largely absent." 818 00:44:24.872 --> 00:44:28.441 "And I think that's why I freeze up sexually." 819 00:44:28.510 --> 00:44:30.443 And you're like... 820 00:44:30.512 --> 00:44:32.281 okay. 821 00:44:34.149 --> 00:44:36.048 Okay. 822 00:44:36.117 --> 00:44:41.687 ♪ ♪ 823 00:44:41.756 --> 00:44:43.993 What the fuck happened to dance? 824 00:44:45.561 --> 00:44:48.928 We used to have Bob Fosse. 825 00:44:48.997 --> 00:44:51.563 You know, his choreography-- 826 00:44:51.632 --> 00:44:55.138 it was so kinky and mysterious. 827 00:44:57.800 --> 00:45:01.240 And he was a household name. He was on talk shows. 828 00:45:01.309 --> 00:45:04.978 A choreographer in America was on talk shows. 829 00:45:05.047 --> 00:45:06.980 That can't happen anymore. 830 00:45:07.049 --> 00:45:09.915 What's happening? [scoffs] 831 00:45:09.984 --> 00:45:14.153 I feel like the only remaining form of dance-- 832 00:45:14.222 --> 00:45:18.161 it's the pitch choreography on "Shark Tank." 833 00:45:20.228 --> 00:45:23.496 It's, "Sharks, I have three words that you want"-- 834 00:45:23.565 --> 00:45:25.031 da, da, da-- 835 00:45:25.100 --> 00:45:28.167 And this guy to my right-- da, da, da, da. 836 00:45:28.236 --> 00:45:30.173 [vocalizes] 837 00:45:31.907 --> 00:45:34.740 Try one. Try one. Try one. 838 00:45:34.809 --> 00:45:38.344 Try one. Try one. Try one. Try one. 839 00:45:38.413 --> 00:45:43.683 ♪ ♪ 840 00:45:43.752 --> 00:45:47.320 I was in a coffee shop recently, and... 841 00:45:47.389 --> 00:45:52.061 I saw what I hesitate to describe as a piece of art. 842 00:45:54.695 --> 00:45:58.902 It was an illustration of Rick Moranis. 843 00:46:00.368 --> 00:46:03.907 And he was holding a piece of pepperoni pizza. 844 00:46:05.841 --> 00:46:07.376 And that was framed. 845 00:46:10.346 --> 00:46:12.912 And I thought... 846 00:46:12.981 --> 00:46:15.715 is that all there is? 847 00:46:15.784 --> 00:46:17.984 You know? 848 00:46:18.053 --> 00:46:22.021 Like, when we're loading up the time capsule 849 00:46:22.090 --> 00:46:26.258 for future inhabitants of Planet E, 850 00:46:26.327 --> 00:46:30.730 is this what the millennial shall put forth? 851 00:46:30.799 --> 00:46:33.132 You know? 852 00:46:33.201 --> 00:46:36.906 Or will it be--will it be an illustration of a taco? 853 00:46:39.074 --> 00:46:41.945 'Cause I'm sure still seeing a lot of that. 854 00:46:43.779 --> 00:46:45.081 Still. 855 00:46:48.811 --> 00:46:52.718 Or will it be a little dancing cheeseburger? 856 00:46:52.787 --> 00:46:57.023 ♪ ♪ 857 00:46:57.092 --> 00:46:59.291 Or will it be a video of one of the chefs 858 00:46:59.360 --> 00:47:02.431 from the hallowed halls of "Bon Appétit"... 859 00:47:04.432 --> 00:47:09.469 Making a lemony, garlicky, crispity-crunchity, 860 00:47:09.538 --> 00:47:12.606 jammy cacio e... 861 00:47:12.675 --> 00:47:15.642 e-e-e-e-e-e... 862 00:47:15.711 --> 00:47:19.346 pepe-e-e-e-e-e-e... 863 00:47:19.415 --> 00:47:21.114 cacio e pepe? 864 00:47:21.183 --> 00:47:26.686 ♪ ♪ 865 00:47:26.755 --> 00:47:30.317 Or will it be an infographic... 866 00:47:30.386 --> 00:47:32.091 you know, with a kind of 867 00:47:32.160 --> 00:47:35.028 cloudy-rainbow gradient background 868 00:47:35.097 --> 00:47:37.997 that talks about why your allyship 869 00:47:38.066 --> 00:47:39.635 is actually performative? 870 00:47:43.104 --> 00:47:44.964 Calling all allies! 871 00:47:45.033 --> 00:47:48.474 Performative, performative, performative, performative. 872 00:47:48.543 --> 00:47:51.180 Where are my allies at? That was performative. 873 00:47:53.015 --> 00:47:56.150 What are we doing? 874 00:47:56.219 --> 00:47:58.752 [sighs] 875 00:47:58.821 --> 00:48:01.086 Or will it be one of our many contributions 876 00:48:01.155 --> 00:48:05.057 as a generation to the world of advertising? 877 00:48:05.126 --> 00:48:07.960 I don't know if you guys remember 878 00:48:08.029 --> 00:48:09.495 this Postmates campaign. 879 00:48:09.564 --> 00:48:13.032 It was, like, three, maybe four years ago. 880 00:48:13.101 --> 00:48:14.934 It had a very kind of millennial tone, 881 00:48:15.003 --> 00:48:17.169 millennial affect, like, kind of, like... 882 00:48:17.238 --> 00:48:19.442 [blows raspberry] No. 883 00:48:20.909 --> 00:48:22.174 [giggles] Oh! 884 00:48:22.243 --> 00:48:24.047 [blows raspberry] You know? 885 00:48:25.980 --> 00:48:28.281 There was one that was like, 886 00:48:28.350 --> 00:48:32.221 "Don't let breakfast bully you into putting your pants on." 887 00:48:39.794 --> 00:48:41.827 "We get it. Postmates." 888 00:48:41.896 --> 00:48:48.167 ♪ ♪ 889 00:48:48.236 --> 00:48:50.269 And in the same campaign, there was one that was like, 890 00:48:50.338 --> 00:48:54.274 "When you want omakase but your bra's off." 891 00:48:54.343 --> 00:49:01.284 ♪ ♪ 892 00:49:02.283 --> 00:49:05.088 "We get it. Postmates." 893 00:49:07.055 --> 00:49:09.288 And then there is one, and I'm not kidding. 894 00:49:09.357 --> 00:49:12.691 I'm not kidding. It was in the same campaign. 895 00:49:12.760 --> 00:49:16.730 I was driving down highways. It was on giant billboards. 896 00:49:16.799 --> 00:49:18.231 Like, it was-- 897 00:49:18.300 --> 00:49:21.200 by the way, mass shootings everywhere-- 898 00:49:21.269 --> 00:49:24.103 on skyscrapers, giant skyscrapers, 899 00:49:24.172 --> 00:49:26.371 painted on huge buildings. 900 00:49:26.440 --> 00:49:30.279 It literally said, "Hate people?" 901 00:49:31.880 --> 00:49:33.749 "We get it. Postmates." 902 00:49:36.719 --> 00:49:43.692 ♪ ♪ 903 00:49:48.697 --> 00:49:50.599 Are we like that? 904 00:49:52.734 --> 00:49:54.466 Are we like that? 905 00:49:54.535 --> 00:49:57.569 I mean, are we really just a bunch of, like, hot mess-- 906 00:49:57.638 --> 00:50:00.773 Like, I'm such a mess. [blows raspberry] 907 00:50:00.842 --> 00:50:03.576 I'm such a-- 908 00:50:03.645 --> 00:50:07.450 I ordered cupcakes again! 909 00:50:11.353 --> 00:50:15.158 I took a nap by accident! 910 00:50:16.525 --> 00:50:18.725 Oops! Oops! 911 00:50:18.794 --> 00:50:21.661 I'm all tangled up in the cord. 912 00:50:21.730 --> 00:50:23.129 See? 913 00:50:23.198 --> 00:50:25.334 [blows raspberry] 914 00:50:30.138 --> 00:50:32.906 Are we really a bunch of hot messes, 915 00:50:32.975 --> 00:50:35.641 or do they just need us to be that way? 916 00:50:35.710 --> 00:50:39.713 ♪ ♪ 917 00:50:39.782 --> 00:50:41.746 Our contributions to language-- 918 00:50:41.815 --> 00:50:44.820 as a generation, we should be tried at the Hague. 919 00:50:48.752 --> 00:50:50.322 The hyperbole alone, I mean-- 920 00:50:50.391 --> 00:50:51.557 By the way, I just said it. 921 00:50:51.626 --> 00:50:54.626 "We should be tried at the Hague." 922 00:50:54.695 --> 00:50:58.163 I'm talking about myself here, too, y'all. 923 00:50:58.232 --> 00:51:00.900 But I really do feel like we lean a lot on hyperbole 924 00:51:00.969 --> 00:51:02.401 as a generation. 925 00:51:02.470 --> 00:51:04.938 Like, you know, something like, you know-- 926 00:51:05.007 --> 00:51:07.306 Did you see "Tár"? My jaw was on the floor. 927 00:51:07.375 --> 00:51:10.976 I had to hire a TaskRabbit to come pick it up. 928 00:51:11.045 --> 00:51:18.121 ♪ ♪ 929 00:51:19.983 --> 00:51:22.454 I really feel like we lean on hyperbole 930 00:51:22.523 --> 00:51:25.758 to compensate for the utter emptiness 931 00:51:25.827 --> 00:51:28.127 of being alive right now. 932 00:51:28.196 --> 00:51:32.098 It's not our fault. It's not our fault. 933 00:51:32.167 --> 00:51:33.766 But other slang, like, you know-- 934 00:51:33.835 --> 00:51:36.169 like, "all the feelings," 935 00:51:36.238 --> 00:51:41.173 all the things, all the things, all the feels. 936 00:51:41.242 --> 00:51:43.879 Um, I'll have all the things. [chuckles oddly] 937 00:51:46.682 --> 00:51:47.913 I want grant money. 938 00:51:47.982 --> 00:51:49.614 I want grant money 939 00:51:49.683 --> 00:51:53.352 to trace the origins of all the things. 940 00:51:53.421 --> 00:51:55.655 And I don't think you guys are going to be happy 941 00:51:55.724 --> 00:51:57.260 with what I find out. 942 00:52:01.095 --> 00:52:04.063 "Human"-- such an amazing human. 943 00:52:04.132 --> 00:52:05.999 One of my favorite humans. 944 00:52:06.068 --> 00:52:07.536 Fuck off. 945 00:52:11.506 --> 00:52:14.773 Garbage person, dumpster fire, dick biscuit. 946 00:52:14.842 --> 00:52:18.277 I mean, I can barely say it. I can barely say it. 947 00:52:18.346 --> 00:52:21.147 I didn't know I needed-- I didn't-- 948 00:52:21.216 --> 00:52:22.415 Like, this is the collaboration 949 00:52:22.484 --> 00:52:24.684 I didn't know I needed. 950 00:52:24.753 --> 00:52:27.953 I didn't know I needed. 951 00:52:28.022 --> 00:52:31.456 I hate the word moist. Ah. 952 00:52:31.525 --> 00:52:33.392 Moist. Yeah, I can barely say it. 953 00:52:33.461 --> 00:52:36.299 Moist. I hate the word moist. 954 00:52:38.000 --> 00:52:40.033 An entire generation of people 955 00:52:40.102 --> 00:52:42.768 pretending to hate the word moist. 956 00:52:42.837 --> 00:52:49.778 ♪ ♪ 957 00:52:52.114 --> 00:52:55.181 We have to get serious, you guys! 958 00:52:55.250 --> 00:52:58.283 We have to get serious before it's too late 959 00:52:58.352 --> 00:53:01.087 and our gravestones are like... 960 00:53:01.156 --> 00:53:02.955 "Because cancer." 961 00:53:03.024 --> 00:53:09.761 ♪ ♪ 962 00:53:09.830 --> 00:53:15.067 ♪ Well, I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming ♪ 963 00:53:15.136 --> 00:53:19.938 ♪ Saying something about a queen ♪ 964 00:53:20.007 --> 00:53:25.077 ♪ There were peasants singing and drummers drumming ♪ 965 00:53:25.146 --> 00:53:29.648 ♪ And the archer split the tree ♪ 966 00:53:29.717 --> 00:53:35.087 ♪ There was a fanfare blowing to the sun ♪ 967 00:53:35.156 --> 00:53:40.993 ♪ That was floating on the breeze ♪ 968 00:53:41.062 --> 00:53:43.262 ♪ ♪ 969 00:53:43.331 --> 00:53:47.366 ♪ Look at Mother Nature on the run ♪ 970 00:53:47.435 --> 00:53:53.505 ♪ In the 21st century ♪ 971 00:53:53.574 --> 00:53:57.376 ♪ Look at Mother Nature on the run ♪ 972 00:53:57.445 --> 00:54:02.481 ♪ In the 21st century ♪ 973 00:54:02.550 --> 00:54:07.420 ♪ I was lying in a burnt-out basement ♪ 974 00:54:07.489 --> 00:54:12.625 ♪ With the full moon in my eye ♪ 975 00:54:12.694 --> 00:54:17.296 ♪ I was hoping for replacement ♪ 976 00:54:17.365 --> 00:54:21.801 ♪ When the sun burst through the sky ♪ 977 00:54:21.870 --> 00:54:27.439 ♪ There was a band playing in my head ♪ 978 00:54:27.508 --> 00:54:32.881 ♪ And I felt like getting high ♪ 979 00:54:34.882 --> 00:54:40.186 ♪ I was thinking about what a friend had said ♪ 980 00:54:40.255 --> 00:54:45.424 ♪ I was hoping it was a lie ♪ 981 00:54:45.493 --> 00:54:49.596 ♪ Thinking about what a friend had said ♪ 982 00:54:49.665 --> 00:54:55.568 ♪ I was hoping it was a lie ♪ 983 00:54:55.637 --> 00:54:59.505 ♪ Well, I dreamed I saw the silver spaceship ♪ 984 00:54:59.574 --> 00:55:05.377 ♪ Lying in the yellow haze of the sun ♪ 985 00:55:05.446 --> 00:55:10.617 ♪ There were children crying and colors flying ♪ 986 00:55:10.686 --> 00:55:15.015 ♪ All around the chosen ones ♪ 987 00:55:15.084 --> 00:55:20.894 ♪ All in a dream, all in a dream ♪ 988 00:55:20.963 --> 00:55:26.102 ♪ The loading had begun ♪ 989 00:55:28.503 --> 00:55:32.638 ♪ Flying Mother Nature's silver seed ♪ 990 00:55:32.707 --> 00:55:38.677 ♪ To a new home in the sun ♪ 991 00:55:38.746 --> 00:55:42.782 ♪ Flying Mother Nature's silver seed ♪ 992 00:55:42.851 --> 00:55:48.754 ♪ To a new home ♪ 993 00:55:48.823 --> 00:55:52.025 ♪ ♪ 994 00:55:52.094 --> 00:55:56.229 [light jazz music playing] 995 00:55:56.298 --> 00:55:59.165 [indistinct chatter] 996 00:55:59.234 --> 00:56:01.537 ♪ ♪ 997 00:56:22.123 --> 00:56:26.692 [singers vocalizing] 998 00:56:26.761 --> 00:56:28.828 - I'm sorry. Can I hear more of Dom and Princess 999 00:56:28.897 --> 00:56:31.565 in my monitors? 1000 00:56:31.634 --> 00:56:34.734 [singers vocalizing] 1001 00:56:34.803 --> 00:56:36.535 ♪ ♪ 1002 00:56:36.604 --> 00:56:39.339 And just a little more of Hess, too, the keys. 1003 00:56:39.408 --> 00:56:42.141 Thank you. 1004 00:56:42.210 --> 00:56:43.943 - One more time. - Yeah. 1005 00:56:44.012 --> 00:56:45.178 - Yeah, yeah. Sorry. 1006 00:56:45.247 --> 00:56:49.048 [singers vocalizing] 1007 00:56:49.117 --> 00:56:51.116 Hi. Who is that? 1008 00:56:51.185 --> 00:56:53.085 - They're from HBO. - Max. 1009 00:56:53.154 --> 00:56:55.555 Leah, Max, Max, Max, HBO Max. 1010 00:56:55.624 --> 00:56:58.627 - They're from HBO Max HR. 1011 00:57:01.396 --> 00:57:03.566 - They want to talk to me? - Yeah. 1012 00:57:14.142 --> 00:57:15.241 - Hi. 1013 00:57:15.310 --> 00:57:16.776 - Hi, John. 1014 00:57:16.845 --> 00:57:18.010 - Hi. Hi. 1015 00:57:18.079 --> 00:57:22.515 - We have received multiple complaints today 1016 00:57:22.584 --> 00:57:25.517 about unacceptable conduct. 1017 00:57:25.586 --> 00:57:28.787 So we're going to need to talk to you 1018 00:57:28.856 --> 00:57:32.157 and other members of the cast and crew, okay? 1019 00:57:32.226 --> 00:57:35.460 Hopefully this won't take up too much of your time. 1020 00:57:35.529 --> 00:57:38.397 My assistant, Ann, could head up 1021 00:57:38.466 --> 00:57:42.501 the predator team, and... 1022 00:57:42.570 --> 00:57:45.003 - "Predator team"? - The predator team, yes. 1023 00:57:45.072 --> 00:57:49.709 The highest priority really, as you know, here at HBO is... 1024 00:57:49.778 --> 00:57:52.912 [continues indistinctly] 1025 00:57:52.981 --> 00:57:54.713 [soft music plays] 1026 00:57:54.782 --> 00:57:57.945 - I think we should--I think we should end the show. 1027 00:57:58.014 --> 00:58:00.723 [cheers and applause] 1028 00:58:03.859 --> 00:58:06.291 Thank you guys so much for coming. 1029 00:58:06.360 --> 00:58:09.229 ["I Feel Love" playing] 1030 00:58:09.298 --> 00:58:15.939 ♪ ♪ 1031 00:58:19.608 --> 00:58:22.741 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1032 00:58:22.810 --> 00:58:25.511 ♪ It's so good, it's so good, it's so good ♪ 1033 00:58:25.580 --> 00:58:30.283 ♪ It's so good, it's so good ♪ 1034 00:58:30.352 --> 00:58:35.121 ♪ ♪ 1035 00:58:35.190 --> 00:58:38.591 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1036 00:58:38.660 --> 00:58:41.561 ♪ Heaven knows, heaven knows, heaven knows ♪ 1037 00:58:41.630 --> 00:58:47.300 ♪ Heaven knows, heaven knows ♪ 1038 00:58:47.369 --> 00:58:51.338 ♪ ♪ 1039 00:58:51.407 --> 00:58:54.573 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1040 00:58:54.642 --> 00:58:57.543 ♪ I feel love, I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1041 00:58:57.612 --> 00:59:03.283 ♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1042 00:59:03.352 --> 00:59:06.352 ♪ ♪ 1043 00:59:06.421 --> 00:59:13.329 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1044 00:59:14.396 --> 00:59:21.304 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1045 00:59:22.270 --> 00:59:25.538 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1046 00:59:25.607 --> 00:59:28.674 Okay, Dominique... 1047 00:59:28.743 --> 00:59:31.678 can you do what I just did to that melody line? 1048 00:59:31.747 --> 00:59:32.711 Is that cool? 1049 00:59:32.780 --> 00:59:36.850 And then, I'll kind of hop on top for that harmony. 1050 00:59:36.919 --> 00:59:39.184 Okay, cool. Let's do that. Let's do that. 1051 00:59:39.253 --> 00:59:40.720 Here we go. 1052 00:59:40.789 --> 00:59:43.890 both: ♪ Ooh ♪ 1053 00:59:43.959 --> 00:59:47.260 ♪ Fallin' free, fallin' free, fallin' free ♪ 1054 00:59:47.329 --> 00:59:52.998 ♪ Fallin' free, fallin' free ♪ 1055 00:59:53.067 --> 00:59:56.903 ♪ ♪ 1056 00:59:56.972 --> 00:59:59.805 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1057 00:59:59.874 --> 01:00:03.275 ♪ You and me, you and me, you and me ♪ 1058 01:00:03.344 --> 01:00:09.215 ♪ You and me, you and me ♪ 1059 01:00:09.284 --> 01:00:12.385 ♪ ♪ 1060 01:00:12.454 --> 01:00:15.822 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1061 01:00:15.891 --> 01:00:19.291 ♪ I feel love, I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1062 01:00:19.360 --> 01:00:25.031 ♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1063 01:00:25.100 --> 01:00:27.834 - Oh, Dominique! 1064 01:00:27.903 --> 01:00:34.743 both: ♪ I feel love ♪ 1065 01:00:35.811 --> 01:00:42.952 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1066 01:00:43.819 --> 01:00:47.421 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1067 01:00:47.490 --> 01:00:48.855 - Okay. 1068 01:00:48.924 --> 01:00:51.724 Let's add Princess. Let's add Princess. 1069 01:00:51.793 --> 01:00:55.427 Okay, so, Princess, it'll go Dom again, right? 1070 01:00:55.496 --> 01:00:59.526 Then, Princess, you'll kind of do what I just did. 1071 01:00:59.595 --> 01:01:01.971 And then I'll come up on the highest part. 1072 01:01:04.340 --> 01:01:06.639 Let's go! 1073 01:01:06.708 --> 01:01:09.876 all: ♪ Ooh ♪ 1074 01:01:09.945 --> 01:01:12.812 ♪ I got you, I got you, I got you ♪ 1075 01:01:12.881 --> 01:01:18.318 ♪ I got you, I got you ♪ 1076 01:01:18.387 --> 01:01:22.589 ♪ ♪ 1077 01:01:22.658 --> 01:01:26.258 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1078 01:01:26.327 --> 01:01:28.994 ♪ What you do, what you do, what you do ♪ 1079 01:01:29.063 --> 01:01:34.834 ♪ What you do, what you do ♪ 1080 01:01:34.903 --> 01:01:38.538 [cheers and applause] 1081 01:01:38.607 --> 01:01:42.041 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1082 01:01:42.110 --> 01:01:45.010 ♪ I feel love, I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1083 01:01:45.079 --> 01:01:51.820 ♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪ 1084 01:01:53.689 --> 01:02:00.796 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1085 01:02:01.764 --> 01:02:08.905 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1086 01:02:09.905 --> 01:02:17.046 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1087 01:02:18.213 --> 01:02:25.221 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1088 01:02:25.587 --> 01:02:29.556 ♪ I feel love ♪ 1089 01:02:29.625 --> 01:02:30.924 Make some noise 1090 01:02:30.993 --> 01:02:34.627 for Michael Hesslein on the keys... 1091 01:02:34.696 --> 01:02:37.463 [cheers and applause] 1092 01:02:37.532 --> 01:02:40.733 Drew Hart on that nasty bass... 1093 01:02:40.802 --> 01:02:43.435 [cheers and applause] 1094 01:02:43.504 --> 01:02:46.739 Will Lawrence on the drums... 1095 01:02:46.808 --> 01:02:49.776 [cheers and applause] 1096 01:02:49.845 --> 01:02:52.912 - Princess Fortier on the soprano line... 1097 01:02:52.981 --> 01:02:55.214 [cheers and applause] 1098 01:02:55.283 --> 01:02:56.550 Dominique Toney 1099 01:02:56.619 --> 01:02:58.751 on the alto line... 1100 01:02:58.820 --> 01:03:00.754 [cheers and applause] 1101 01:03:00.823 --> 01:03:03.756 Yazan Fahmawi on guitar... 1102 01:03:03.825 --> 01:03:05.825 [cheers and applause] 1103 01:03:05.894 --> 01:03:07.927 My parents! 1104 01:03:07.996 --> 01:03:11.030 [cheers and applause] 1105 01:03:11.099 --> 01:03:12.259 Release. 1106 01:03:12.328 --> 01:03:13.767 Give it up for Roulette. 1107 01:03:13.836 --> 01:03:15.568 Tip your bartenders. 1108 01:03:15.637 --> 01:03:17.703 Thank you so much. I'm John Early. 1109 01:03:17.772 --> 01:03:20.407 This has been heaven on Earth. I love you! 1110 01:03:20.476 --> 01:03:21.941 Thank you. 1111 01:03:22.010 --> 01:03:25.311 [cheers and applause] 1112 01:03:25.380 --> 01:03:32.255 ♪ ♪ 1113 01:04:05.988 --> 01:04:08.191 [bright tone]