WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[narrator] <i>Perhaps you've read
the story of Quasimodo,</i>

4
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<i>the monstrous bell-ringer of Notre-Dame.</i>

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<i>But more likely, you haven't,</i>

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<i>because who still reads about
medieval France and all that bullshit?</i>

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<i>Well, don't worry,</i>

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<i>because we're gonna tell you
the story of the real Quasimodo.</i>

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[sheep bleats]

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[narrator] <i>All you need to know
is that 13th-century France sucked.</i>

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<i>It was a time of plague, poverty
and torture chambers,</i>

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<i>where one often found themselves
impaled by dangerous objects.</i>

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[meows]

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[narrator] <i>Unless you were a king
who could just dismiss your wife</i>

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<i>when you tired of her...</i>

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<i>or a pope humbly entrusted
with the sacred offerings of his flock.</i>

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<i>And the last thing you'd want is to get
trapped between these two powerful pricks,</i>

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<i>which is exactly
where Quasimodo found himself,</i>

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<i>an ill-advised place for a nobody.</i>

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<i>In fact, he's quite fucked.</i>

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<i>And this is his story.</i>

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[friend] <i>Quasi!</i>

23
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<i>Quasi!</i>

24
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Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!

25
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Quasi! Quasi.

26
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Holy shit. What is your problem?

27
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Come on. We're gonna be late.

28
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We are not gonna be late.

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When you grow up in a bell tower,
you have a knack for keeping time.

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[grunts] You with your bell towers.

31
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- Yeah.
- Hey, slow down.

32
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- Oh, now you want me to slow down?
- Yeah. Slow down. Come on.

33
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- You're the one who's in such a rush.
- Let's walk together, huh? Like friends.

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It's a great morning.

35
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It's springtime. The flowers are in bloom.

36
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The air smells of peat and sweet cloth.

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Whatever. I'll take your word for it.

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Aw, why so crispy, huh?

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[laughing]

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[spits] Hunchback.

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[grunts]
Hey, you know what your problem is?

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Is it that I've got a fatty deposit
the size of a giant gourd on my back?

43
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No. It's that you've given up on humanity.

44
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You have given up on love.

45
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Duchamp, you can't give up
on something you've never had.

46
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Well, I'm no soothsayer,

47
00:03:02.250 --> 00:03:06.333
but I think this is the springtime where
things turn around for my little buddy.

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- Weirdo!
- Freak!

49
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[Quasi grunts]

50
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Morning.

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Hey, "Pope Week." [laughs]

52
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"The coronation of the new queen."

53
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These are exciting times.

54
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Remind me to buy
more papal lottery tickets.

55
00:03:20.583 --> 00:03:23.750
Oh, come on, Du. Don't waste your money.
Nobody wins those things.

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[sighs] Somebody's gotta win.
Why can't it be me?

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Confession with the pope.

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- Du, you're being ridiculous.
- [vendor] <i>Croissant!</i>

59
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Hey. <i>Croissant?</i>

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[Quasi] <i>Non.</i>

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- <i>Croissant?</i>
- <i>Non.</i>

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- Come on. <i>Croissant?</i>
- <i>Non.</i>

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<i>Croissant?</i>

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No!

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<i>Deux croissants.</i>

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[normal] I said I didn't want one.

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They're both for me.

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[passerby] Hey! Eat shit, asshole!

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Good morning, officer.

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[vendor] <i>Croissant?</i>

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Why don't you duck
when they throw stuff at you?

72
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- What do you mean? I'm already ducked.
- I guess that's a good point.

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[sighs] Back to the daily grind.

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[prisoners screaming]

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Repent for your sins!

76
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[screams]

77
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Hey, Pascal.

78
00:04:09.375 --> 00:04:10.917
Hey! Good morning, Du.

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Good morning, Quasi.

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[grunting]

81
00:04:13.333 --> 00:04:15.042
Stefan, how was that date?

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<i>Incroyable!</i>

83
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And things got very romantic.

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[laughs]

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- You devil. [laughs]
- Yeah.

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Matisse, what's up?

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[chuckles] Embrace your savior!

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[grunts]

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- [shushes]
- [prisoner screams]

90
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No, it doesn't hurt that bad. [laughs]

91
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Oh, Monday, Monday, right?

92
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Yep.

93
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Quasi, you're late.

94
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I know for a fact that I'm not.

95
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Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You grew up in a bell tower.

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[imitates crying]

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Yeah, 'cause I grew up in a bell tower.

98
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Oh, you gonna take mouth with me?

99
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[groans] He gets me so mad sometimes.

100
00:04:45.417 --> 00:04:46.500
Don't get worked up.

101
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Fucker's gonna start with me on a--
on a fuckin' Monday of all things.

102
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Hey, you may think you're hot gruel
'cause you invented that rack,

103
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but around here,
you're just another monkey wrench.

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Remember your place, Hunchback.

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Settle down, Lucien.

106
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I'm sure the king wouldn't wanna hear

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that Quasi was bringing his rack
somewhere else, like <i>Espagne</i>.

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[whistles] Michel!

109
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- Why do you let that guy push you around?
- I don't know.

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- Don't let him push you around.
- I know. [stammers]

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Dipshits, this is Michel,
your new guinea pig.

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You're gonna be torturing him
for the next couple weeks.

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- Get down there, shorty.
- [grunts]

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- [whip cracks]
- [prisoner screams]

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Hey. Look at this little guy.

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[Duchamp laughs]

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- <i>Bonjour. Bonjour.</i>
- <i>Bonjour.</i>

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<i>Bonjour.</i>

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- [screams continue]
- <i>Bonjour.</i>

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- Oh.
- [Michel laughs]

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Hey, go easy on this one.
He's your third this month.

122
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See if you can keep
his arms attached to his body.

123
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- Don't worry about it.
- Never happen.

124
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All right. Back to work.

125
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Hey,
more fire ants in that guy's dick hole.

126
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All right, Michel.
You ready to get tortured?

127
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- Yes, sir!
- Yeah, come on up.

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- [Duchamp] There you go.
- [Michel] This isn't too bad.

129
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- Get yourself comfortable.
- Ooh, this is nice.

130
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- Come on in here.
- Okay. Here we go.

131
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My God,
his feet don't each even reach the end.

132
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- Come on.
- That's good.

133
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- Get the arms up here.
- Ah.

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There we go.

135
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- All right. How are you? You okay?
- Good. [whoops]

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We're gonna start easy.

137
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First time working in the torture chamber?

138
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Yep. Just making a couple extra francs
for culinary school.

139
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Oh, a chef! Good for you.

140
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- Yeah.
- Okay, straps too tight?

141
00:06:02.500 --> 00:06:03.833
No. Go as tight as you need.

142
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You got a real can-do attitude.
I like that, Michel.

143
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I actually can't believe
you pay people to do this.

144
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Huh, well, we used to test the devices
on real heretics,

145
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but those guys said everything hurt.

146
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- Am I right?

147
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- Heretics.
- Heretics.

148
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[screams] Ow. Oh!

149
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- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

150
00:06:20.458 --> 00:06:22.667
The first time can be
a bit of a shock to the system.

151
00:06:23.250 --> 00:06:24.500
That's okay. [chuckles]

152
00:06:24.500 --> 00:06:25.917
So you guys psyched for Pope Week?

153
00:06:25.917 --> 00:06:27.042
Oh, my God. Here we go.

154
00:06:27.042 --> 00:06:28.875
- Another Pope Week guy.
- Pope Week? I love Pope Week.

155
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[cheering]

156
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[cardinal] Thank you for coming here
on this beautiful day.

157
00:06:35.458 --> 00:06:38.042
And on behalf of Pope Cornelius...

158
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[crowd cheering, applauding]

159
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...bless you for
the indulgences you've bought.

160
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This will save you in the eyes of God.

161
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[crowd cheering, applauding]

162
00:06:48.625 --> 00:06:52.625
Now, who wants to see an exorcism?

163
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[cheering]

164
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Care to participate, Your Grace?

165
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Christ, Claude.

166
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Just give these mouth-breathers
what they want.

167
00:07:01.792 --> 00:07:03.958
[cheering continues]

168
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May the Lord extend his peaceful hand
upon all of you.

169
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[crowd] And also with you.

170
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Now split that bitch.

171
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Brother Giuseppe.

172
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Thanks be to God, Your Grace.

173
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Be gone, foul behezrahoth!

174
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- [crowd cheering]
- Would you mind?

175
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[prisoner] No, no, no, no. No, no, please!

176
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- No!
- [cheers]

177
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[prisoner screams]

178
00:07:30.417 --> 00:07:32.417
What is this papal visit next week?

179
00:07:32.417 --> 00:07:33.500
France.

180
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[groans] The French are pigs.
They all stink and eat garbage.

181
00:07:38.125 --> 00:07:41.708
And the royals,
always marrying their own family.

182
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They all have 11 fingers
and never stop bleeding.

183
00:07:44.083 --> 00:07:46.042
They're all disgusting, my lord.

184
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Goddamn,
how I hate that pompous ass, King Guy.

185
00:07:48.917 --> 00:07:50.375
Postpone it.

186
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It's scheduled with
the coronation of the new queen.

187
00:07:53.083 --> 00:07:54.250
- New queen?
- [Claude] Mmm.

188
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I told him he wasn't allowed
to divorce his first wife.

189
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He had her killed. A bit of a work-around.

190
00:07:59.458 --> 00:08:01.583
Now he's married his English cousin.

191
00:08:01.583 --> 00:08:02.667
[prisoner screams]

192
00:08:02.667 --> 00:08:06.375
The new union will form a powerful
alliance between France and England.

193
00:08:06.375 --> 00:08:08.667
Oh, he'll be even more insufferable.

194
00:08:08.667 --> 00:08:10.125
[Giuseppe] Damn you, Satan!

195
00:08:10.125 --> 00:08:11.125
[prisoner screams]

196
00:08:11.125 --> 00:08:12.042
[cheering]

197
00:08:12.042 --> 00:08:14.542
Goddamn it. This will never come off.

198
00:08:17.458 --> 00:08:20.292
Say,
have you heard the joke about the bed?

199
00:08:20.292 --> 00:08:21.458
No.

200
00:08:21.458 --> 00:08:23.667
It hasn't been made yet.

201
00:08:23.667 --> 00:08:27.958
[laughing]

202
00:08:42.458 --> 00:08:45.500
Say,
have you heard the joke about the cookie?

203
00:08:45.500 --> 00:08:46.875
No.

204
00:08:46.875 --> 00:08:48.083
It's crummy.

205
00:08:48.083 --> 00:08:53.333
[laughing]

206
00:08:55.250 --> 00:08:56.250
[grunts]

207
00:08:56.250 --> 00:08:57.500
Guards!

208
00:08:58.167 --> 00:09:00.542
Boil my jester in oil.

209
00:09:01.125 --> 00:09:02.208
No, no!

210
00:09:02.208 --> 00:09:06.958
- No, no. No! No. No!
- [guard] Come on.

211
00:09:07.542 --> 00:09:08.667
[jester] No!

212
00:09:08.667 --> 00:09:10.083
[chuckles]

213
00:09:10.625 --> 00:09:12.250
- Good morning, my king.
- [door closes]

214
00:09:12.250 --> 00:09:16.458
Breakfast today is wine from
the Rhône valley and fresh Belon oysters.

215
00:09:16.458 --> 00:09:20.417
And where do your oysters come from,
my pet?

216
00:09:20.417 --> 00:09:22.292
Your Highness,
we have a very busy day today.

217
00:09:22.292 --> 00:09:23.375
[person sighs, clears throat]

218
00:09:23.375 --> 00:09:26.042
Oh. Hello. [sighs]

219
00:09:35.625 --> 00:09:37.375
Good morning, milady. [chuckles]

220
00:09:37.375 --> 00:09:38.917
Good morning, Henri-Francoise.

221
00:09:41.125 --> 00:09:42.333
[Henri clears throat]

222
00:09:42.333 --> 00:09:43.750
As I was saying, sire,

223
00:09:43.750 --> 00:09:47.375
we have a meeting with the tax collectors
to discuss the springtime levies.

224
00:09:47.375 --> 00:09:49.875
And, of course, we have to prepare
for the arrival of the pope.

225
00:09:49.875 --> 00:09:52.250
Oh, Cornelius?

226
00:09:52.250 --> 00:09:54.917
I hate that Gorgonzola-eating bastard.

227
00:09:54.917 --> 00:09:56.667
My liege, if you hate the pope,

228
00:09:56.667 --> 00:10:02.167
why not fabricate a papal decree demanding
a 200% increase in tithes from the people?

229
00:10:02.750 --> 00:10:05.333
Your outraged subjects will run him
right out of the country.

230
00:10:05.333 --> 00:10:07.250
Well, look at that, Henri-Francoise.

231
00:10:07.917 --> 00:10:12.375
My new ornament wishes to discuss
the affairs of France.

232
00:10:12.375 --> 00:10:14.292
[laughing] Yes.

233
00:10:14.292 --> 00:10:16.292
How <i>adorable</i>.

234
00:10:16.292 --> 00:10:17.792
- My liege.
- Leave us.

235
00:10:18.375 --> 00:10:21.292
Sire, as queen,
is it not my duty to suggest--

236
00:10:21.292 --> 00:10:22.208
Leave us!

237
00:10:23.708 --> 00:10:24.750
As you wish.

238
00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:29.000
My queen.

239
00:10:30.708 --> 00:10:31.917
[clears throat]

240
00:10:33.500 --> 00:10:34.500
[whoops]

241
00:10:34.500 --> 00:10:37.667
I was not told
she was going to speak so much.

242
00:10:37.667 --> 00:10:40.792
- [door closes]
- She's a regular smarty <i>pantalons</i>.

243
00:10:40.792 --> 00:10:44.417
Indeed, but a small price to pay
for a powerful alliance.

244
00:10:44.417 --> 00:10:48.750
A rather large price to pay for someone
who never wanted to be married again.

245
00:10:48.750 --> 00:10:50.125
Yes, well. [chuckles]

246
00:10:50.125 --> 00:10:54.875
But do look into that
phony-papal-decree idea, because why not?

247
00:10:54.875 --> 00:10:56.875
Excellent idea, Your Highness.

248
00:10:57.458 --> 00:10:58.542
Enjoy your oysters.

249
00:10:59.708 --> 00:11:00.792
Bring me some salt!

250
00:11:01.375 --> 00:11:02.375
[door closes]

251
00:11:03.917 --> 00:11:05.333
I need some salt!

252
00:11:05.917 --> 00:11:06.917
[slurps]

253
00:11:07.625 --> 00:11:08.708
[faint screaming]

254
00:11:08.708 --> 00:11:09.792
[whip cracks]

255
00:11:10.333 --> 00:11:12.292
- Hey! All right. Just stop!
- [guard] Move it!

256
00:11:12.292 --> 00:11:13.583
- Stop!
- [guard] All right.

257
00:11:13.583 --> 00:11:15.875
Okay. Don't have to be so rough.

258
00:11:15.875 --> 00:11:18.125
Hey, uh, why are the oysters up there?

259
00:11:18.125 --> 00:11:20.083
[Quasi] Oh, it's the food of kings.

260
00:11:20.083 --> 00:11:22.125
Lucien thinks it displays superiority.

261
00:11:22.125 --> 00:11:24.333
You know what he should do
is get better oysters.

262
00:11:24.333 --> 00:11:26.083
I mean, those are crap.

263
00:11:26.083 --> 00:11:27.750
- Belon oysters...
- [Quasi gasps]

264
00:11:27.750 --> 00:11:28.833
...that's the food of kings.

265
00:11:28.833 --> 00:11:30.500
Oh, you've had Belon oysters?

266
00:11:30.500 --> 00:11:31.792
Once, when I was a boy.

267
00:11:31.792 --> 00:11:35.375
It was like they were lifted from the sea
by nautical angels.

268
00:11:35.375 --> 00:11:39.750
[screams, whimpers]

269
00:11:42.333 --> 00:11:44.917
Okay,
that was 15% torque on the upper straps.

270
00:11:44.917 --> 00:11:47.458
- [pants]
- Michel, go on about the oysters.

271
00:11:47.458 --> 00:11:48.583
Describe their taste.

272
00:11:48.583 --> 00:11:51.917
[exhales] Crisp, clean, salty.

273
00:11:51.917 --> 00:11:54.917
- Aw, that sounds <i>fantastique</i>.
- [Michel strains, grunts]

274
00:11:54.917 --> 00:11:56.792
[Lucien]
Hey, enough with the chatter down there.

275
00:11:56.792 --> 00:11:57.875
[prisoner screaming]

276
00:11:57.875 --> 00:12:02.583
You know, if I was king,
there'd be Belon oysters on every table.

277
00:12:02.583 --> 00:12:04.000
[laughing]

278
00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:05.250
A king for the people.

279
00:12:05.250 --> 00:12:07.667
That's a good one, you weird little loser.

280
00:12:07.667 --> 00:12:08.750
Now get back to work.

281
00:12:08.750 --> 00:12:10.792
[prisoners screaming]

282
00:12:10.792 --> 00:12:15.583
Has Lucien ever shared his oysters
with anyone here?

283
00:12:15.583 --> 00:12:17.167
[torturers] No!

284
00:12:17.167 --> 00:12:21.750
If he's gonna eat oysters in front of us,
shouldn't he bring enough for everybody?

285
00:12:21.750 --> 00:12:22.958
[torturers] <i>Oui!</i>

286
00:12:22.958 --> 00:12:25.333
Hey, you know what?
Put a sock in it, Quasi.

287
00:12:26.708 --> 00:12:29.792
[chanting] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!

288
00:12:29.792 --> 00:12:33.875
[all] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!

289
00:12:33.875 --> 00:12:42.500
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!

290
00:12:42.500 --> 00:12:44.917
- Shut up! All of you!
- [chanting continues]

291
00:12:44.917 --> 00:12:46.000
All right.

292
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:48.250
You want oysters?
I'll give you oysters up--

293
00:12:48.250 --> 00:12:49.417
[gasps] My queen.

294
00:12:50.208 --> 00:12:52.167
- [chanting stops]
- [torturers clamoring]

295
00:12:52.167 --> 00:12:53.333
[torturer] Oysters.

296
00:12:53.333 --> 00:12:57.292
Your Highness, may I ask what brings you
to our, uh, humble place of work?

297
00:12:58.208 --> 00:13:02.083
It's a queen's duty to familiarize herself
with all aspects of the kingdom.

298
00:13:02.083 --> 00:13:03.333
I should like a tour.

299
00:13:03.333 --> 00:13:04.708
Of course, Your Majesty.

300
00:13:05.458 --> 00:13:09.417
Would be my privilege
to escort you around the premises.

301
00:13:10.125 --> 00:13:13.333
Perhaps it would be best for me
to receive it from your superior.

302
00:13:14.625 --> 00:13:15.708
That one.

303
00:13:18.042 --> 00:13:19.375
Holy shit. She's pointing at me.

304
00:13:19.375 --> 00:13:21.000
[laughs] Yeah, right.

305
00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:23.333
- Shut up. Shut up. Don't joke.
- I'm-- I'm serious. [stammers]

306
00:13:23.333 --> 00:13:27.958
Uh, begging your pardon, my queen, but
that torturer is in no way my superior.

307
00:13:27.958 --> 00:13:30.125
The way he speaks to you
tells me otherwise.

308
00:13:35.250 --> 00:13:37.000
- She's coming downstairs. [shushes]
- Oh, my God.

309
00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:39.000
[whispers]
There's a queen coming down here now.

310
00:13:42.250 --> 00:13:43.250
- Don't look at her.
- Okay.

311
00:13:43.250 --> 00:13:44.875
- Don't look.
- It's hard. She's really hot.

312
00:13:44.875 --> 00:13:47.333
Oh, my God.
I can't believe she's coming down here.

313
00:13:51.833 --> 00:13:53.750
[groans] Oh, my.

314
00:13:54.375 --> 00:13:57.000
Smell is exceptionally rancid down here.

315
00:13:58.667 --> 00:14:00.375
Torturer, stand.

316
00:14:01.375 --> 00:14:02.792
[Quasi] Mmm. [clears throat]

317
00:14:03.375 --> 00:14:05.750
You seem to have the ear
of your fellow workers.

318
00:14:05.750 --> 00:14:09.250
I am just a humble subject of the king, milady.

319
00:14:09.250 --> 00:14:10.750
Raise your head, torturer.

320
00:14:16.833 --> 00:14:17.917
What is it you do here?

321
00:14:17.917 --> 00:14:19.583
I work this machine.

322
00:14:20.917 --> 00:14:23.583
Is this not the rack I hear so much about?

323
00:14:24.083 --> 00:14:25.500
'Tis, my queen. 'Tis.

324
00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:27.083
Hmm.

325
00:14:27.083 --> 00:14:31.000
How is it that you were chosen to man
the king's most effective torture device?

326
00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:32.708
I invented it, milady.

327
00:14:32.708 --> 00:14:34.333
You invented it?

328
00:14:34.333 --> 00:14:37.375
Yeah, in an attempt to straighten my back,

329
00:14:37.375 --> 00:14:41.458
but it didn't quite unfold
as I had wished.

330
00:14:41.458 --> 00:14:44.042
[both laugh]

331
00:14:44.042 --> 00:14:47.333
Smart and witty.
Seems you are very talented.

332
00:14:47.333 --> 00:14:49.375
[chuckles] You are too kind, my queen.

333
00:14:49.375 --> 00:14:53.750
Perhaps you'd have more success
if you adjusted the flywheel.

334
00:14:53.750 --> 00:14:56.083
Say, 20 degrees?

335
00:14:56.083 --> 00:14:59.958
Then you'd have the benefits of both
horizontal tension and vertical tension.

336
00:14:59.958 --> 00:15:02.000
Uh, okay. Yeah!

337
00:15:02.500 --> 00:15:05.250
That is a brilliant observation, my queen.

338
00:15:05.250 --> 00:15:07.083
I will implement that immediately.

339
00:15:07.083 --> 00:15:10.208
- You will?
- Yeah, " <i>absolutement</i>."

340
00:15:11.583 --> 00:15:14.458
Not only are you a good speaker
but a good listener.

341
00:15:14.458 --> 00:15:16.667
A unique combination, torturer...

342
00:15:17.250 --> 00:15:19.167
Modo. Quasi Modo.

343
00:15:20.583 --> 00:15:22.292
It's been a pleasure, Quasi.

344
00:15:22.292 --> 00:15:24.000
I very much like your rack.

345
00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:25.208
And I yours.

346
00:15:25.208 --> 00:15:26.958
- [Michel gasps]
- [Quasi] I mean--

347
00:15:26.958 --> 00:15:30.000
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

348
00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:36.417
What I meant to say was I very much
appreciate all your suggestions, my queen.

349
00:15:36.417 --> 00:15:37.875
Of course.

350
00:15:37.875 --> 00:15:38.958
Carry on.

351
00:15:38.958 --> 00:15:40.167
Yeah. Yeah.

352
00:15:44.958 --> 00:15:46.208
[whispers] Are you kidding me?

353
00:15:46.208 --> 00:15:47.125
Oh.

354
00:15:47.125 --> 00:15:48.458
That was crazy!

355
00:15:48.458 --> 00:15:50.000
Oh, my God.

356
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:51.042
[screams]

357
00:15:51.042 --> 00:15:53.708
[shushing]

358
00:15:57.208 --> 00:15:59.542
[patrons chattering, laughing]

359
00:16:00.750 --> 00:16:02.500
[Quasi] All right. It's really good.

360
00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:05.417
Yeah. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. A toast.

361
00:16:05.417 --> 00:16:07.875
Here is to our new friend, Michel.

362
00:16:08.375 --> 00:16:09.667
[cheers] Hear, hear.

363
00:16:10.167 --> 00:16:11.167
[Michel chuckles]

364
00:16:11.167 --> 00:16:14.333
I actually got you the job. Hmm?
You could've mentioned that.

365
00:16:14.333 --> 00:16:16.375
Du, I never had a chance.

366
00:16:16.375 --> 00:16:17.625
Seems like you forgot.

367
00:16:17.625 --> 00:16:18.708
Are we ignoring the fact that

368
00:16:18.708 --> 00:16:21.667
there was definitely sexual tension
between you and the queen?

369
00:16:21.667 --> 00:16:23.917
- [laughing]
- What?

370
00:16:23.917 --> 00:16:25.000
The new guy.

371
00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:28.583
That's ridiculous. She's the queen. Hello.

372
00:16:28.583 --> 00:16:30.250
Michel, let me explain something.

373
00:16:30.750 --> 00:16:34.458
The queen could have any dragon slayer,
wizard or chevalier in the kingdom.

374
00:16:34.458 --> 00:16:37.083
Why would she care about a twisted,
lonely weirdo?

375
00:16:37.083 --> 00:16:39.667
- Okay, that's a little harsh.
- I'm just making a point.

376
00:16:39.667 --> 00:16:41.667
Plenty of royals have kinky fetishes.

377
00:16:41.667 --> 00:16:43.625
Remember that king
that used to have sex with chickens?

378
00:16:43.625 --> 00:16:45.292
Chicken a la king? Yeah.

379
00:16:45.292 --> 00:16:46.917
- That would make him the chicken.
- [both laugh]

380
00:16:46.917 --> 00:16:48.833
Yeah. That does make me the chicken.

381
00:16:48.833 --> 00:16:50.083
Cluck, cluck, motherfucker.

382
00:16:50.083 --> 00:16:52.875
Michel, I am a loser.

383
00:16:52.875 --> 00:16:56.542
I have never known the touch of a woman,
and I never will.

384
00:16:56.542 --> 00:16:59.917
Don't be so hard on yourself.
The guys in the torture chamber like you.

385
00:16:59.917 --> 00:17:02.083
You got a loyal best friend
in Duchamp right here.

386
00:17:02.083 --> 00:17:03.750
[laughing] Easy now, okay?

387
00:17:03.750 --> 00:17:06.542
We may be hut mates,
but we're not best friends.

388
00:17:06.542 --> 00:17:08.708
Yeah, those labels are kind of weird.

389
00:17:08.708 --> 00:17:10.250
[chuckles] What are we, schoolgirls?

390
00:17:10.250 --> 00:17:13.292
[all laughing]

391
00:17:13.292 --> 00:17:14.750
[bartender] Who wants a drink?

392
00:17:14.750 --> 00:17:16.750
- Hey, Blouin, my friend.
- Duch!

393
00:17:16.750 --> 00:17:18.250
You still selling papal lottery tickets?

394
00:17:18.250 --> 00:17:20.458
Yeah, but I'll warn you.
I already have the winner.

395
00:17:20.458 --> 00:17:23.542
How could that be when I'm about to buy
the winning ticket? [laughs]

396
00:17:23.542 --> 00:17:24.625
Okay.

397
00:17:24.625 --> 00:17:26.125
- Give me ten more!
- Ten more.

398
00:17:26.125 --> 00:17:28.333
- Du, why are you wasting your money?
- [chuckles]

399
00:17:28.333 --> 00:17:30.500
I'm about to win
an audience with the pope.

400
00:17:30.500 --> 00:17:31.792
Right.

401
00:17:31.792 --> 00:17:33.750
And on the night of her coronation,

402
00:17:33.750 --> 00:17:36.458
I'm gonna make dirty love
to the queen in the rack.

403
00:17:36.458 --> 00:17:39.542
[all laughing]

404
00:17:40.375 --> 00:17:42.250
You can get executed for even saying that.

405
00:17:42.250 --> 00:17:44.292
[all laughing]

406
00:17:44.292 --> 00:17:45.375
[laughing stops]

407
00:17:45.375 --> 00:17:46.458
[laughs]

408
00:17:56.750 --> 00:17:58.333
Did you change something?
You look different.

409
00:17:58.333 --> 00:17:59.500
Me?

410
00:17:59.500 --> 00:18:01.333
- Your hair maybe?
- My hair? No.

411
00:18:01.333 --> 00:18:03.625
- Did you get taller?
- I wish. [chuckles]

412
00:18:03.625 --> 00:18:05.458
[speaking French]

413
00:18:05.458 --> 00:18:07.500
Hey, has the lottery drawing happened?

414
00:18:07.500 --> 00:18:09.000
Do you see me on that stage yet?

415
00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:11.125
- [fanfare plays]
- [Henri grunts, clears throat]

416
00:18:11.125 --> 00:18:16.125
On behalf of King Guy XXIV,
welcome to the papal lottery.

417
00:18:16.125 --> 00:18:17.917
[cheering]

418
00:18:17.917 --> 00:18:22.333
A preliminary and lesser event leading up
to the coronation of your new queen.

419
00:18:22.333 --> 00:18:24.292
- [Duchamp laughing]
- [crowd cheering]

420
00:18:32.083 --> 00:18:33.250
[Henri] Winner of the lottery

421
00:18:33.250 --> 00:18:36.500
shall have his private confession heard
by the pope himself.

422
00:18:36.500 --> 00:18:39.042
- [mouthing words] Yes. You.
- [crowd cheering, whooping]

423
00:18:40.250 --> 00:18:42.917
Quasi, it's not too late. You can buy
tickets right up to the drawing.

424
00:18:42.917 --> 00:18:45.333
Take it from
the unluckiest person in France,

425
00:18:45.333 --> 00:18:47.333
you might as well
throw your money in a hole.

426
00:18:47.333 --> 00:18:49.917
[Duchamp scoffs, sighs]

427
00:18:51.125 --> 00:18:52.208
You know what? [sighs]

428
00:18:52.208 --> 00:18:54.750
Here. Take this. Consider it a gift.

429
00:18:54.750 --> 00:18:56.042
I don't want a gift.

430
00:18:56.042 --> 00:18:57.542
Please. I insist.

431
00:18:57.542 --> 00:18:59.750
Du,
don't act like this is such a big thing.

432
00:18:59.750 --> 00:19:01.250
Take it. On me.

433
00:19:01.250 --> 00:19:03.250
All right. If I take this thing,
will you stop bugging me?

434
00:19:03.250 --> 00:19:05.708
- You got it. [laughing]
- [grunts]

435
00:19:05.708 --> 00:19:06.917
- Okay?
- Okay.

436
00:19:06.917 --> 00:19:08.875
- Great. Enjoy it. [chuckles]
- Thanks.

437
00:19:08.875 --> 00:19:10.708
- Hope you have a winner. Yeah, right.
- Yeah.

438
00:19:10.708 --> 00:19:14.333
Without further ado,
Simone, the number, please!

439
00:19:14.333 --> 00:19:16.000
[fanfare plays]

440
00:19:16.667 --> 00:19:17.667
[clears throat]

441
00:19:17.667 --> 00:19:20.417
And the winning number is:

442
00:19:20.417 --> 00:19:25.083
J, seven, two, two,

443
00:19:25.083 --> 00:19:27.375
four, six.

444
00:19:27.375 --> 00:19:29.833
[groans] Merde. [groans]

445
00:19:29.833 --> 00:19:31.583
Oh! Oh!

446
00:19:31.583 --> 00:19:36.417
That's me! It's me! [cheers, laughs]

447
00:19:36.417 --> 00:19:38.000
[laughs]

448
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:39.417
You're a woman.

449
00:19:39.417 --> 00:19:41.458
The pope won't grant audience to a woman.

450
00:19:41.458 --> 00:19:43.458
[all laughing]

451
00:19:44.625 --> 00:19:47.583
Oh, my goodness gracious. Give me a break.

452
00:19:48.708 --> 00:19:50.083
All right, Simone. New number, please.

453
00:19:50.083 --> 00:19:53.458
[fanfare plays]

454
00:19:53.458 --> 00:19:57.458
- The new number: F, four, three...
- Oh. Oh.

455
00:19:57.458 --> 00:20:00.208
[Henri] ...three, three,

456
00:20:00.708 --> 00:20:02.208
one.

457
00:20:02.208 --> 00:20:04.750
[groans] Merde, merde, merde!

458
00:20:06.042 --> 00:20:08.167
F, four, three, three, three, one?

459
00:20:08.167 --> 00:20:09.250
No one?

460
00:20:09.250 --> 00:20:11.750
Quasi, you won.

461
00:20:11.750 --> 00:20:13.917
- Huh? What?
- Quasi, you won.

462
00:20:14.750 --> 00:20:15.750
I won?

463
00:20:15.750 --> 00:20:16.833
[Michel] You won!

464
00:20:18.125 --> 00:20:19.250
Quasi's the winner!

465
00:20:19.833 --> 00:20:21.667
We got a winner here!
We got a winner here!

466
00:20:21.667 --> 00:20:23.792
- Quasi's the winner! [whoops]
- [crowd cheering]

467
00:20:23.792 --> 00:20:25.000
[Michel] Quasi, you won!

468
00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:26.458
Well, congratulations!

469
00:20:26.458 --> 00:20:27.792
Bring the lucky fellow up here.

470
00:20:28.958 --> 00:20:35.500
[crowd chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!

471
00:20:36.083 --> 00:20:37.625
Quasi! Quasi!

472
00:20:37.625 --> 00:20:39.750
A woman and a hunchback.

473
00:20:39.750 --> 00:20:41.583
What's next? A Saxon?

474
00:20:41.583 --> 00:20:44.083
[laughing]

475
00:20:44.083 --> 00:20:45.167
Simone, right?

476
00:20:45.167 --> 00:20:46.375
You're not Saxon, are you?

477
00:20:46.375 --> 00:20:47.792
No. Okay, right.

478
00:20:47.792 --> 00:20:50.167
[chanting continues]

479
00:20:53.833 --> 00:20:56.625
Hey, I wanna be tortured by a superstar!

480
00:20:56.625 --> 00:20:58.667
Hop on up, Michel. Here.

481
00:20:59.250 --> 00:21:00.750
[chanting continues]

482
00:21:00.750 --> 00:21:01.833
Get in here.

483
00:21:01.833 --> 00:21:05.583
[laughs] Wow, it's so great you won!
I've never won anything in my life!

484
00:21:05.583 --> 00:21:06.708
Give it your all!

485
00:21:07.542 --> 00:21:10.417
[screaming]

486
00:21:10.417 --> 00:21:13.042
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What the hell's going on around here?

487
00:21:13.042 --> 00:21:14.542
I'll tell you what's going on.

488
00:21:14.542 --> 00:21:16.625
[chanting] Oysters! Oysters!

489
00:21:16.625 --> 00:21:18.417
- Oysters!
- [Lucien] Not again with the oysters!

490
00:21:18.417 --> 00:21:21.792
- Shut up!
- [chanting continues]

491
00:21:23.250 --> 00:21:24.250
Silence!

492
00:21:24.250 --> 00:21:25.875
- [chanting stops]
- [torturers clamoring]

493
00:21:25.875 --> 00:21:27.583
[torturer] Oysters.

494
00:21:27.583 --> 00:21:30.125
The king wishes to meet the hunchback.

495
00:21:33.375 --> 00:21:35.208
You're gonna meet the pope and the king?

496
00:21:35.208 --> 00:21:37.375
Good fortune smiles upon you, my friend.

497
00:21:37.375 --> 00:21:38.958
Good thing I gave you my ticket.

498
00:21:38.958 --> 00:21:42.083
Oh, wait. No, Du, of course.
You should take the ticket. You bought it.

499
00:21:42.083 --> 00:21:44.500
No, no. It's cool.
I mean, I gave it to you, so...

500
00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:46.292
- Technically it's mine, but whatever...
- No, no, no.

501
00:21:46.292 --> 00:21:47.542
No, Du, take the ticket.

502
00:21:47.542 --> 00:21:48.708
I didn't even want this.

503
00:21:48.708 --> 00:21:51.542
Oh, no, no. You know what?
You take it. Have a good time.

504
00:21:51.542 --> 00:21:53.542
- Get me in the next one, okay?
- [both chuckle]

505
00:21:53.542 --> 00:21:54.875
The king awaits!

506
00:21:55.458 --> 00:21:56.875
- [Quasi sighing]
- Okay.

507
00:21:56.875 --> 00:21:59.042
- Are we cool?
- Totally cool, man. Have a good time.

508
00:21:59.042 --> 00:22:00.208
Okay, <i>merci</i>.

509
00:22:00.208 --> 00:22:01.208
Yeah. Quasi.

510
00:22:01.208 --> 00:22:03.875
[chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!

511
00:22:03.875 --> 00:22:05.458
Give him one for the serfs!

512
00:22:05.458 --> 00:22:07.708
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.

513
00:22:07.708 --> 00:22:09.583
Go, Local 85!

514
00:22:09.583 --> 00:22:10.625
[all] Yeah!

515
00:22:10.625 --> 00:22:13.458
[chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!

516
00:22:13.458 --> 00:22:14.750
Knock, knock!

517
00:22:20.500 --> 00:22:24.458
Now you say, "Who's there?", sire.

518
00:22:24.458 --> 00:22:27.000
I have to participate?

519
00:22:27.000 --> 00:22:28.292
[chuckles] Yeah.

520
00:22:28.958 --> 00:22:31.208
Who is there?

521
00:22:31.208 --> 00:22:33.167
King Guy. [chuckles]

522
00:22:33.167 --> 00:22:34.750
- What?
- No.

523
00:22:35.250 --> 00:22:38.250
You say, "King Guy, who?", sire.

524
00:22:38.250 --> 00:22:40.000
Oh, I really don't get it.

525
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:41.625
Guards, tar him!

526
00:22:41.625 --> 00:22:43.125
- No, no!
- [guard] All right.

527
00:22:43.125 --> 00:22:44.792
- Wait.
- Okay, fine.

528
00:22:44.792 --> 00:22:46.208
- Feather him.
- What?

529
00:22:46.208 --> 00:22:48.375
- No, no!
- Ooh, I have an idea.

530
00:22:48.375 --> 00:22:50.708
What about a little of both?
Could be a fun new thing.

531
00:22:50.708 --> 00:22:51.792
Please, sire.

532
00:22:51.792 --> 00:22:54.417
It would be wrong
to orphan this man's children.

533
00:22:54.417 --> 00:22:55.542
Fine, then.

534
00:22:55.542 --> 00:22:57.583
- Kill the kids too.

535
00:22:57.583 --> 00:22:59.167
- No!
- Kidding!

536
00:22:59.167 --> 00:23:01.833
Guards, go easy on the tar.

537
00:23:01.833 --> 00:23:03.083
- No, no, no.
- [guard] Easy now.

538
00:23:03.083 --> 00:23:05.417
- No!
- [guard] Come on, Jester.

539
00:23:05.417 --> 00:23:06.750
Happy, my queen?

540
00:23:06.750 --> 00:23:07.875
[jester] Do something!

541
00:23:07.875 --> 00:23:09.500
[Henri] Yes. [laughs]

542
00:23:09.500 --> 00:23:13.500
Your Majesty,
I present the torturer, Quasi Modo.

543
00:23:15.792 --> 00:23:16.625
[laughs]

544
00:23:16.625 --> 00:23:19.500
Quasi Modo, my little friend.

545
00:23:21.125 --> 00:23:25.042
The queen tells me that as a tormentor,
you're unparalleled.

546
00:23:25.042 --> 00:23:27.000
Sire, are you aware that he is the one

547
00:23:27.000 --> 00:23:29.708
who invented
your most successful torture device?

548
00:23:29.708 --> 00:23:32.000
You mean my mother-in-law?

549
00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:34.792
[laughing]

550
00:23:34.792 --> 00:23:36.333
[Henri laughing]

551
00:23:36.333 --> 00:23:37.708
- I'm joking, of course.
- [Quasi laughs]

552
00:23:37.708 --> 00:23:39.417
Of course, you are. Very funny, sire.

553
00:23:39.417 --> 00:23:45.500
So, Mr. Modo,
what's it feel like to be a winner?

554
00:23:45.500 --> 00:23:46.625
- [groans]
- [Quasi clears throat]

555
00:23:46.625 --> 00:23:48.458
- Oh.
- Um.

556
00:23:48.458 --> 00:23:51.167
Um, really good... [chuckles] ...Your Majesty.

557
00:23:51.167 --> 00:23:53.250
Really good, indeed.

558
00:23:53.250 --> 00:23:55.958
- Come. Sit. Feast with your king.
- [Henri chuckles]

559
00:23:55.958 --> 00:23:57.292
Yes. Yes.

560
00:23:57.292 --> 00:23:58.833
Mind your manners, pig.

561
00:24:00.542 --> 00:24:02.000
[King Guy] Please, please. Sit.

562
00:24:05.167 --> 00:24:08.333
Enjoy! Eat! Drink!

563
00:24:09.458 --> 00:24:12.875
[grunting]

564
00:24:13.708 --> 00:24:14.708
[moaning]

565
00:24:14.708 --> 00:24:16.625
Hmm. Quite hungry.

566
00:24:16.625 --> 00:24:18.958
- [Quasi grunting, chewing]
- Mmm.

567
00:24:20.542 --> 00:24:24.583
The queen tells me
that you're very fond of oysters.

568
00:24:24.583 --> 00:24:26.875
Well, I've never actually tried them.

569
00:24:26.875 --> 00:24:29.625
Never actually tried one? Oh.

570
00:24:31.958 --> 00:24:35.375
Then you must try the food of kings.

571
00:24:35.375 --> 00:24:37.875
Fresh Belon oysters.

572
00:24:38.542 --> 00:24:42.708
[chanting]
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.

573
00:24:43.792 --> 00:24:44.792
[slurps]

574
00:24:49.458 --> 00:24:50.458
[slurps]

575
00:24:53.042 --> 00:24:54.042
[swallows]

576
00:24:58.333 --> 00:24:59.708
Sweet baby Jesus.

577
00:25:00.917 --> 00:25:01.917
Have another.

578
00:25:02.417 --> 00:25:04.208
Another oyster, my king?

579
00:25:04.208 --> 00:25:06.167
Please, call me Guy.

580
00:25:06.167 --> 00:25:08.542
- Okay. Thank you, Guy.
- [slams fist]

581
00:25:08.542 --> 00:25:10.708
How dare you call the king of France
by his name?

582
00:25:10.708 --> 00:25:12.375
- Guards, off with his head!
- [Quasi] What?

583
00:25:12.375 --> 00:25:15.375
- You told him to do that.
- Kidding. Kidding.

584
00:25:15.375 --> 00:25:17.250
[laughing]

585
00:25:17.250 --> 00:25:19.458
Did you see the look on his face? Hilar!

586
00:25:19.458 --> 00:25:22.000
[Henri laughing] Yes. Good one, sire.

587
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:28.750
Catherine, I wish to speak to Quasi alone
about things you would not understand.

588
00:25:28.750 --> 00:25:29.875
So leave us.

589
00:25:29.875 --> 00:25:30.958
What things?

590
00:25:30.958 --> 00:25:32.333
Male things.

591
00:25:32.333 --> 00:25:35.875
Foreskins, Adam's apples,
hemorrhoids and the like.

592
00:25:35.875 --> 00:25:37.667
Many women suffer from hemorrhoids.

593
00:25:37.667 --> 00:25:39.542
- In fact, last week--
- Leave us!

594
00:25:42.042 --> 00:25:43.042
Hmm.

595
00:25:47.250 --> 00:25:50.333
My new queen likes to speak
of hemorrhoids.

596
00:25:50.333 --> 00:25:52.917
- Sexy. [laughing]
- [slurps]

597
00:25:52.917 --> 00:25:56.542
Quasi, I would like you to kill the pope.

598
00:25:56.542 --> 00:25:57.958
[gulps]

599
00:25:57.958 --> 00:25:59.958
[choking, coughing]

600
00:25:59.958 --> 00:26:01.333
Are you all right?

601
00:26:03.167 --> 00:26:04.208
- Can you--
- Should I do--

602
00:26:04.208 --> 00:26:05.625
- Do something.
- What should I do?

603
00:26:05.625 --> 00:26:07.250
- Should I pound his hump or--
- [Quasi coughs]

604
00:26:07.250 --> 00:26:08.542
- I don't know.
- Is there--

605
00:26:08.542 --> 00:26:10.667
There may be goblins in there.
I don't know what's in there.

606
00:26:10.667 --> 00:26:12.042
- Get out of the way.
- [grunts]

607
00:26:12.042 --> 00:26:13.542
[groans, grunts]

608
00:26:14.292 --> 00:26:16.208
- Good show, sire. Good show.
- [Quasi groans]

609
00:26:16.792 --> 00:26:19.958
Um, I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

610
00:26:19.958 --> 00:26:21.417
You want me to do what?

611
00:26:21.417 --> 00:26:23.667
At your private confession,

612
00:26:23.667 --> 00:26:28.458
I want you to assassinate the pope
in the name of France.

613
00:26:28.458 --> 00:26:29.958
But it's the pope.

614
00:26:29.958 --> 00:26:32.792
He's a danger to France
and a total asshole.

615
00:26:33.542 --> 00:26:35.167
- Henri.
- [Henri grunts]

616
00:26:36.958 --> 00:26:37.917
Sire. [sighs]

617
00:26:37.917 --> 00:26:43.042
These are actual depictions
of the pope having sex with Saracen women.

618
00:26:43.042 --> 00:26:43.958
[gasps]

619
00:26:43.958 --> 00:26:45.625
[King Guy]
Yes, and these are all very real.

620
00:26:45.625 --> 00:26:47.500
Bestiality!

621
00:26:47.500 --> 00:26:48.792
Oh, <i>mon Dieu</i>!

622
00:26:48.792 --> 00:26:49.875
[King Guy] Butt stuff.

623
00:26:49.875 --> 00:26:51.292
[Quasi] Oh, my gosh.

624
00:26:51.292 --> 00:26:52.375
Is that mud?

625
00:26:52.375 --> 00:26:53.458
It's not mud.

626
00:26:54.083 --> 00:26:55.083
It's not mud.

627
00:26:55.083 --> 00:26:57.583
- [Quasi] What's this?
- [King Guy] Felching. It's awful.

628
00:26:57.583 --> 00:26:59.208
It looks like she's praying.

629
00:26:59.208 --> 00:27:00.667
God is not in there, my friend.

630
00:27:00.667 --> 00:27:02.000
He must be killed.

631
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:04.458
[sighs]
Your Majesty, why have you chosen me?

632
00:27:04.458 --> 00:27:07.750
God chose you when you won the lottery.

633
00:27:07.750 --> 00:27:12.500
And God knows
that only you can take him by surprise.

634
00:27:12.500 --> 00:27:16.417
Yes. In the confessional, there will be
a dagger hidden under the bench.

635
00:27:16.417 --> 00:27:19.542
You will drive that dagger
into the pope's heart.

636
00:27:20.625 --> 00:27:23.417
[sighs] Your Majesty, I cannot do this.

637
00:27:23.417 --> 00:27:27.625
You will,
or you will be executed as a traitor.

638
00:27:28.458 --> 00:27:31.292
And we'll kill
that best friend of yours too.

639
00:27:31.292 --> 00:27:32.458
My best friend?

640
00:27:32.458 --> 00:27:34.917
That jolly fat fellow
with whom you share your hut.

641
00:27:35.583 --> 00:27:38.375
Does the name Duchamp ring a bell?

642
00:27:38.875 --> 00:27:40.292
Pun intended.

643
00:27:40.292 --> 00:27:41.750
[both laughing]

644
00:27:41.750 --> 00:27:43.708
[chuckles]
I would hardly say we're best friends.

645
00:27:43.708 --> 00:27:45.500
We're more like coworkers or hut mates.

646
00:27:45.500 --> 00:27:47.792
You see,
he needed a place to live closer to town--

647
00:27:47.792 --> 00:27:49.708
Who gives a fuck?

648
00:27:49.708 --> 00:27:51.792
You will assassinate the pope,

649
00:27:51.792 --> 00:27:55.333
or you and your hut mate
will be drawn and quartered,

650
00:27:55.333 --> 00:27:58.417
and your limbs will be taken
to the four corners of France!

651
00:27:58.417 --> 00:28:01.917
Do I make myself clear, Hunchback?

652
00:28:04.583 --> 00:28:05.583
[slurps]

653
00:28:07.292 --> 00:28:08.292
[Quasi grunts]

654
00:28:10.292 --> 00:28:12.250
I am so psyched I gave you my ticket.

655
00:28:12.250 --> 00:28:13.542
[sighs]

656
00:28:13.542 --> 00:28:16.083
- Are you gonna kill him?
- He can't do that. It's the pope.

657
00:28:16.083 --> 00:28:18.542
- You could run away.
- No, the king would find me.

658
00:28:19.042 --> 00:28:22.000
And he said
he's gonna draw and quarter Duchamp.

659
00:28:22.000 --> 00:28:24.167
- Why me?
- He thinks we're best friends.

660
00:28:24.167 --> 00:28:26.417
- We're not best friends.
- That's what I said.

661
00:28:26.417 --> 00:28:27.750
I have many best friends.

662
00:28:27.750 --> 00:28:29.167
Oh, is that so?

663
00:28:29.167 --> 00:28:31.042
- Yeah, that is so.
- Okay.

664
00:28:31.042 --> 00:28:33.042
There's Jerome from Champagne.

665
00:28:33.042 --> 00:28:33.958
Oh, wow.

666
00:28:33.958 --> 00:28:36.250
I didn't realize
you'd ever been to Champagne. Hmm.

667
00:28:36.250 --> 00:28:37.250
Jerome's cool!

668
00:28:37.250 --> 00:28:38.333
No, he sounds cool.

669
00:28:38.333 --> 00:28:40.000
- He's a butcher.
- Oh, wow.

670
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:41.417
He also trades silks.

671
00:28:41.417 --> 00:28:42.542
He's been to the Orient?

672
00:28:42.542 --> 00:28:43.625
Several times.

673
00:28:43.625 --> 00:28:45.417
Oh, wow. He's so well-traveled.

674
00:28:45.417 --> 00:28:47.167
And next time, he's bringing me with him.

675
00:28:47.167 --> 00:28:49.833
Sounds like this Jerome from Champagne
is your best friend.

676
00:28:49.833 --> 00:28:51.083
I didn't say that.

677
00:28:51.083 --> 00:28:52.750
I don't believe in labels. Same as you.

678
00:28:52.750 --> 00:28:55.167
[chuckles] Are you Quasi Modo?

679
00:28:55.167 --> 00:28:56.458
Yeah, I guess so. [chuckles]

680
00:28:56.458 --> 00:28:59.958
Well, Mr. Celebrity,
do you want a Black Death shot?

681
00:29:00.792 --> 00:29:02.625
- Yeah, sure. [chuckles]
- [patron] Mm-hmm.

682
00:29:02.625 --> 00:29:05.042
Um. Uh, cheers, ladies. [chuckles]

683
00:29:05.042 --> 00:29:06.458
- [laughs]
- [Quasi] Thanks.

684
00:29:06.458 --> 00:29:08.792
[grunts] Oh, that's tasty.

685
00:29:08.792 --> 00:29:10.417
[laughs] Will you sign my bosom?

686
00:29:10.417 --> 00:29:12.042
- What?
- Are you for real?

687
00:29:12.042 --> 00:29:13.625
What is going on here?

688
00:29:16.167 --> 00:29:18.667
- [laughs]
- How'd you get so clean, by the way?

689
00:29:18.667 --> 00:29:19.917
- The river.
- [both laugh]

690
00:29:19.917 --> 00:29:21.625
[clears throat] Excuse me, ladies.

691
00:29:21.625 --> 00:29:24.875
My name is Duchamp,
and I am Quasi's hut mate.

692
00:29:25.458 --> 00:29:27.042
- [scoffs]
- Uh-uh.

693
00:29:27.042 --> 00:29:28.917
- No. Bye.
- [Duchamp] Oh.

694
00:29:28.917 --> 00:29:30.125
[grunts]

695
00:29:31.208 --> 00:29:33.250
That'll be three francs
for the Black Death shots.

696
00:29:33.250 --> 00:29:35.333
- I didn't even drink 'em.
- Three francs!

697
00:29:35.333 --> 00:29:36.500
[sighs]

698
00:29:36.500 --> 00:29:37.583
Fine.

699
00:29:38.208 --> 00:29:40.417
Why don't you send the bill
to Jerome from Champagne?

700
00:29:40.417 --> 00:29:42.042
- Maybe I will.
- Okay.

701
00:29:42.042 --> 00:29:43.125
Asshole.

702
00:29:46.292 --> 00:29:48.750
All right,
I think that's probably pretty hot.

703
00:29:48.750 --> 00:29:51.083
Yeah, that looks pretty good to me.
I think you can stop now.

704
00:29:51.083 --> 00:29:54.458
You and your main mother-plucker
over here.

705
00:29:54.458 --> 00:29:56.167
- What?
- [horse whinnies]

706
00:30:11.417 --> 00:30:12.542
What is this?

707
00:30:12.542 --> 00:30:14.792
Where are the cheering throngs?

708
00:30:15.292 --> 00:30:17.083
Who is in charge of marketing?

709
00:30:17.083 --> 00:30:19.417
But what about that though? Nice, right?

710
00:30:24.500 --> 00:30:26.458
- Makes me look fat.
- [sighs]

711
00:30:26.458 --> 00:30:27.667
And look at that fop.

712
00:30:28.708 --> 00:30:30.500
Does he expect us to stay at the castle?

713
00:30:30.500 --> 00:30:32.625
[Claude]
Either that or the local monastery.

714
00:30:32.625 --> 00:30:33.708
Benedictines?

715
00:30:33.708 --> 00:30:35.208
Cistercians.

716
00:30:35.208 --> 00:30:36.542
Vow of poverty.

717
00:30:36.542 --> 00:30:37.958
[raspberry] Hard pass.

718
00:30:38.875 --> 00:30:41.125
Tell me there's at least
a welcome committee of whores.

719
00:30:42.167 --> 00:30:43.750
'Twas a joke, Claude.

720
00:30:45.292 --> 00:30:46.500
By the way, Your Grace,

721
00:30:46.500 --> 00:30:49.958
you should know that the winner
of the papal lottery is a hunchback.

722
00:30:49.958 --> 00:30:51.833
A hunchback? No! Change it.

723
00:30:51.833 --> 00:30:53.042
It's all planned out--

724
00:30:53.042 --> 00:30:55.458
Do you have any idea
the questions he'll have for me?

725
00:30:55.458 --> 00:30:57.458
[lisping]
"Holy Father, can you fix my hump?"

726
00:30:57.458 --> 00:30:59.875
"Is not my very existence proof
there is no God?"

727
00:30:59.875 --> 00:31:02.167
I don't want to get into
that whole hornet's nest.

728
00:31:02.167 --> 00:31:03.917
We should proceed, Holiness.

729
00:31:03.917 --> 00:31:06.833
We must prepare for
your banquet with the king.

730
00:31:06.833 --> 00:31:08.375
Do you think he'll try to poison me?

731
00:31:08.375 --> 00:31:09.625
I don't know.

732
00:31:09.625 --> 00:31:11.542
I'll tell you what I do know.

733
00:31:11.542 --> 00:31:13.250
You're eating for two tonight.

734
00:31:13.250 --> 00:31:15.750
So no filling up on stuffed olives
and the like.

735
00:31:15.750 --> 00:31:16.875
Oh, don't mind me.

736
00:31:16.875 --> 00:31:18.875
- I'll just walk the last bit.
- [grunts]

737
00:31:21.458 --> 00:31:23.708
[grunting]

738
00:31:24.875 --> 00:31:27.625
- [sighs]
- [ball rattles]

739
00:31:34.458 --> 00:31:37.000
- I feel sorry for the chicken.
- [fanfare plays]

740
00:31:37.000 --> 00:31:39.500
[clears throat] Your Royal Highness,
may I present to you--

741
00:31:39.500 --> 00:31:41.333
He knows who I am.

742
00:31:43.750 --> 00:31:44.750
Guy.

743
00:31:44.750 --> 00:31:46.958
Cornelius.

744
00:31:46.958 --> 00:31:48.708
Guillotine.

745
00:31:48.708 --> 00:31:50.833
- Cornholio.
- [laughs] Yes.

746
00:31:53.167 --> 00:31:54.167
Oh.

747
00:31:54.167 --> 00:31:56.833
Still overdoing it with that same <i>parfum</i>?

748
00:31:56.833 --> 00:31:58.167
What do you call it? Wet sheep?

749
00:31:58.167 --> 00:32:00.333
And I see you're still wearing none.

750
00:32:01.333 --> 00:32:05.083
Please, meet my new bride,
Queen Catherine.

751
00:32:05.083 --> 00:32:06.208
Your Holiness.

752
00:32:06.208 --> 00:32:07.917
Ooh. Hotchy motchy.

753
00:32:08.917 --> 00:32:10.958
- How long have you two been married?
- Two weeks.

754
00:32:10.958 --> 00:32:12.833
Has he shown you his third nipple?

755
00:32:12.833 --> 00:32:14.667
It seems you know each other well.

756
00:32:14.667 --> 00:32:17.125
We were classmates together at <i>université</i>.

757
00:32:17.125 --> 00:32:18.167
I didn't know that.

758
00:32:18.167 --> 00:32:20.708
And therein lies
the problem with arranged marriage.

759
00:32:20.708 --> 00:32:21.792
[clears throat]

760
00:32:21.792 --> 00:32:23.708
Dinner is served.

761
00:32:23.708 --> 00:32:25.917
- I hope you like everything.
- [both laugh]

762
00:32:25.917 --> 00:32:27.167
Ooh!

763
00:32:32.500 --> 00:32:33.958
[Henri] Sire. [clears throat]

764
00:32:36.250 --> 00:32:40.500
So, Catherine, congratulations
on your coronation ceremony.

765
00:32:40.500 --> 00:32:42.458
You'll be wearing something daring,
I hope.

766
00:32:42.458 --> 00:32:46.542
I don't know that it will be daring,
but thank you, Holy Father.

767
00:32:46.542 --> 00:32:48.292
I'm honored that you will be attending.

768
00:32:48.292 --> 00:32:53.167
Oh, he's never one to pass up a crowd
or to soak said crowd for donations.

769
00:32:53.167 --> 00:32:54.208
Guilty.

770
00:32:54.208 --> 00:32:57.042
Uh, I'm sorry.
I only drink wine from a goblet.

771
00:32:57.042 --> 00:32:58.583
Oh, we don't have goblets.

772
00:32:58.583 --> 00:33:00.583
Oh, not a problem.
I'll just take a chalice.

773
00:33:00.583 --> 00:33:02.750
We don't have "chali" either.

774
00:33:02.750 --> 00:33:04.375
Well, what do you have then?

775
00:33:04.375 --> 00:33:08.208
That crystal fucking wine glass
that's right there on the table.

776
00:33:08.208 --> 00:33:09.375
Fine. I won't have wine.

777
00:33:09.375 --> 00:33:10.542
Fine. Don't.

778
00:33:10.542 --> 00:33:11.958
I shan't.

779
00:33:12.750 --> 00:33:13.750
[smacks lips] Mmm.

780
00:33:15.500 --> 00:33:20.000
Cardinal Claude,
I think I prefer you in that seat.

781
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:21.875
You, man. Stand up.

782
00:33:21.875 --> 00:33:23.500
- Claude, sit in that seat.
- Huh?

783
00:33:23.500 --> 00:33:24.500
[Henri grunting]

784
00:33:24.500 --> 00:33:25.875
Pause.

785
00:33:26.500 --> 00:33:27.958
That is where my man sits.

786
00:33:27.958 --> 00:33:30.000
- Henri-Francoise, sit down.
- Very good, sire.

787
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:32.792
That is where the pope wishes
his man to sit.

788
00:33:32.792 --> 00:33:34.625
You, up. Claude, sit.

789
00:33:34.625 --> 00:33:35.708
[Henri groans]

790
00:33:36.208 --> 00:33:38.958
Stand now, or I shall lop your head off.

791
00:33:38.958 --> 00:33:39.875
Oh.

792
00:33:39.875 --> 00:33:41.708
Henri-Francoise, sit!

793
00:33:41.708 --> 00:33:44.208
I am the pope. Sit.

794
00:33:44.208 --> 00:33:46.167
- [Henri groans, grunts]
- [Claude] Okay.

795
00:33:46.167 --> 00:33:50.417
Are we really doing this again
in my country?

796
00:33:50.417 --> 00:33:51.833
They're all my countries.

797
00:33:51.833 --> 00:33:55.083
The only reason you're here is
so you can horn in on her coronation.

798
00:33:55.083 --> 00:33:58.167
And you're only coronating because you
don't have the sack to rule this country

799
00:33:58.167 --> 00:33:59.917
without your new wife's big army.

800
00:33:59.917 --> 00:34:02.333
Please, gentlemen. Let's enjoy the feast.

801
00:34:02.333 --> 00:34:06.875
Why don't you take your papal supremacy
and shove it up your funny fucking hat?

802
00:34:06.875 --> 00:34:09.542
I will not sit here
and let you take potshots at my hat!

803
00:34:10.125 --> 00:34:11.125
Bring it on, bitch!

804
00:34:12.333 --> 00:34:16.000
Uh, did you hear the one about the peanuts
that were walking down the street?

805
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:18.375
- Stand aside, goose man.
- [jester] They got assaulted!

806
00:34:18.375 --> 00:34:19.667
[shouts]

807
00:34:19.667 --> 00:34:21.083
[both grunt]

808
00:34:21.083 --> 00:34:23.583
[both grunting, straining]

809
00:34:24.458 --> 00:34:25.792
Do not break this up!

810
00:34:27.417 --> 00:34:28.417
Yes, sire. Oh!

811
00:34:28.417 --> 00:34:32.458
[grunting, straining continues]

812
00:34:32.458 --> 00:34:34.167
Break this up right now!

813
00:34:34.167 --> 00:34:35.417
[grunting, straining continues]

814
00:34:35.417 --> 00:34:36.750
- Okay, go, go!
- [guard] Yes, my Lord.

815
00:34:39.042 --> 00:34:39.917
[grunts]

816
00:34:39.917 --> 00:34:41.708
- [grunting, hissing]
- [Henri] Oh! No, stop.

817
00:34:41.708 --> 00:34:44.042
[stammers] No, no, no, no.

818
00:34:44.958 --> 00:34:46.250
I totally kicked your ass.

819
00:34:46.250 --> 00:34:48.750
After all these years,
you're still a dick!

820
00:34:48.750 --> 00:34:50.500
Claude, we're leaving now!

821
00:34:51.667 --> 00:34:53.625
Guard! Open that door.

822
00:34:54.583 --> 00:34:56.750
Guard, do not open that door.

823
00:34:57.625 --> 00:34:59.917
Open that door,
or I will send you to hell.

824
00:35:00.667 --> 00:35:03.125
Open that door,
and I'll make you a eunuch.

825
00:35:03.125 --> 00:35:04.292
[guard whimpers]

826
00:35:05.292 --> 00:35:06.292
[exclaims]

827
00:35:08.667 --> 00:35:09.667
Enjoy hell.

828
00:35:09.667 --> 00:35:10.833
[gasps]

829
00:35:11.917 --> 00:35:14.792
- [Duchamp] You ready for Confession Day?
- [Quasi] I don't know.

830
00:35:14.792 --> 00:35:17.542
Just relax.
This is a day like any other day.

831
00:35:18.167 --> 00:35:19.542
- Okay.
- Let's do this.

832
00:35:21.583 --> 00:35:23.500
[prisoners screaming]

833
00:35:23.500 --> 00:35:25.000
Quasi! Quasi.

834
00:35:25.833 --> 00:35:27.417
What will you confess to the pope today?

835
00:35:27.417 --> 00:35:29.333
Are you gonna ask for a new back?

836
00:35:29.333 --> 00:35:32.167
Oh, yeah, like a thick back or a wide back
or a skinny back or a tall back, maybe?

837
00:35:32.167 --> 00:35:34.000
Or perhaps a new face.

838
00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:36.042
Because your face
is not the face that people want.

839
00:35:36.042 --> 00:35:37.500
No mom would like that face.

840
00:35:37.500 --> 00:35:39.042
They'd be like,
"Put it back in my vagina."

841
00:35:39.042 --> 00:35:41.500
Okay. Settle down.
Move away. Let him through.

842
00:35:41.500 --> 00:35:43.958
Move back. Go to work.
Give him some space.

843
00:35:43.958 --> 00:35:47.625
Hey! I made my very special
Confession Day fondue.

844
00:35:47.625 --> 00:35:48.750
Have a taste.

845
00:35:48.750 --> 00:35:50.000
[Duchamp] Oh! Mm-hmm.

846
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:51.500
- [prisoners screaming]
- [Michel chuckles]

847
00:35:51.500 --> 00:35:54.875
Mmm. <i>Mon Dieu</i>, that's good fondue.

848
00:35:54.875 --> 00:35:57.750
<i>Sacrebleu.</i> That's great fondue!

849
00:35:57.750 --> 00:35:59.000
All right, all right.

850
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:01.250
The pope is gonna be here any minute,
so look alive.

851
00:36:01.250 --> 00:36:03.208
Torturers, I want heads-up torturing.

852
00:36:03.208 --> 00:36:05.667
Hey, shitbrain! Make that infidel bleed.

853
00:36:05.667 --> 00:36:08.583
Uh, this is more of
a psychological torture station.

854
00:36:08.583 --> 00:36:09.833
Then make him cry!

855
00:36:09.833 --> 00:36:11.167
Okay.

856
00:36:11.167 --> 00:36:13.125
Michel, the pope's gonna crank the rack.

857
00:36:13.125 --> 00:36:16.292
Uh, if it doesn't hurt, then you gotta
zhuzh it up a little bit.

858
00:36:16.292 --> 00:36:18.125
You know? Play it up.
[imitates screaming] Okay?

859
00:36:18.125 --> 00:36:20.542
- Yeah! I can do that.
- [gasps] He's coming!

860
00:36:20.542 --> 00:36:22.958
- Oh! Okay, this is it. This is it.
- Oh, oh.

861
00:36:22.958 --> 00:36:24.500
- Okay. Okay.
- [Lucien] Okay, places!

862
00:36:24.500 --> 00:36:25.583
Okay, go.

863
00:36:36.167 --> 00:36:37.542
- Oh, my.
- [Quasi gasps]

864
00:36:41.000 --> 00:36:43.208
[gags] Jesus H. Christ.

865
00:36:43.208 --> 00:36:45.375
[gagging]

866
00:36:45.375 --> 00:36:46.792
God.

867
00:36:46.792 --> 00:36:49.292
[groans] Good God, it stinks in here.

868
00:36:49.292 --> 00:36:50.417
Can we speed this up?

869
00:36:50.417 --> 00:36:51.667
- Of course, Your Grace.
- Yes.

870
00:36:58.833 --> 00:37:00.333
Very painful, yes.

871
00:37:00.917 --> 00:37:02.792
Oh, that-- Thus, the stink, yes.

872
00:37:02.792 --> 00:37:04.208
Stinky eggs.

873
00:37:04.208 --> 00:37:07.000
Pontiff,
may I introduce my finest employee

874
00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:09.958
and your confessee, Quasi Modo? [chuckles]

875
00:37:10.500 --> 00:37:11.583
[Quasi clears throat]

876
00:37:12.958 --> 00:37:14.125
[Quasi] Your Holiness.

877
00:37:14.125 --> 00:37:17.083
Quasi, my faithful lamb.

878
00:37:17.583 --> 00:37:19.417
God has told me so much about you.

879
00:37:19.417 --> 00:37:21.583
- He has?
- He's told me everything.

880
00:37:21.583 --> 00:37:24.167
- Your Holiness, I would never ever--
- Now, listen to me.

881
00:37:24.167 --> 00:37:26.208
We're going to do
this confession quick and dirty.

882
00:37:26.208 --> 00:37:28.083
No requests to deflate that hump

883
00:37:28.083 --> 00:37:30.208
or blessings for your uncle's cat
or what have you.

884
00:37:30.208 --> 00:37:33.000
- Okay.
- Hmm, get a load of stretch over here.

885
00:37:33.500 --> 00:37:34.875
Are you an infidel as well?

886
00:37:34.875 --> 00:37:37.083
No, uh, just a culinary student.

887
00:37:37.083 --> 00:37:39.583
In fact, I made these in your honor.

888
00:37:39.583 --> 00:37:41.250
<i>Éclairs au chocolat.</i>

889
00:37:41.250 --> 00:37:43.250
[gasps] My favorite!

890
00:37:43.250 --> 00:37:44.667
Claude, Claude, come quickly.

891
00:37:52.625 --> 00:37:53.708
[smacks lips]

892
00:37:53.708 --> 00:37:54.792
Still here.

893
00:37:54.792 --> 00:37:55.875
Good enough for me.

894
00:38:00.708 --> 00:38:01.708
[smacks lips]

895
00:38:03.167 --> 00:38:04.708
Fuck me.

896
00:38:04.708 --> 00:38:06.583
That is divine!

897
00:38:06.583 --> 00:38:08.833
Oh! Mmm. [smacks lips] Mmm.

898
00:38:08.833 --> 00:38:10.625
One thousand blessings upon you.

899
00:38:10.625 --> 00:38:12.000
Thank you, Your Grace.

900
00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:13.417
Thank you. [chuckles]

901
00:38:13.417 --> 00:38:15.625
This must be that rack
I've heard so much about.

902
00:38:15.625 --> 00:38:16.542
'Tis.

903
00:38:16.542 --> 00:38:18.458
Mind if I give it a crank?

904
00:38:18.458 --> 00:38:20.875
'Twould be an honor, Your Grace.

905
00:38:20.875 --> 00:38:22.250
Look at me. I'm a torturer.

906
00:38:22.250 --> 00:38:23.792
[Lucien chuckles]

907
00:38:23.792 --> 00:38:25.375
[Quasi] Get him clamped in here.

908
00:38:25.375 --> 00:38:26.750
[Pope Cornelius] Ooh. Ah.

909
00:38:26.750 --> 00:38:27.833
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Yeah.

910
00:38:27.833 --> 00:38:31.375
Okay, so,
pull it thusly and push like this?

911
00:38:31.375 --> 00:38:33.167
- [screams]
- Not yet, not yet.

912
00:38:33.167 --> 00:38:34.375
- The other way.
- Yes.

913
00:38:34.375 --> 00:38:35.833
- Yeah.
- Very, very good. Oh!

914
00:38:35.833 --> 00:38:37.083
Oh.

915
00:38:37.083 --> 00:38:38.708
[screaming]

916
00:38:38.708 --> 00:38:40.167
[torturers cheering]

917
00:38:40.167 --> 00:38:41.917
Ah! [chuckles]

918
00:38:41.917 --> 00:38:44.792
- [Quasi] Yeah, tortured! Well done.
- [Pope Cornelius] Mmm, mmm.

919
00:38:44.792 --> 00:38:46.250
Time for the confession!

920
00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:49.792
Oh, so sorry.
I would've loved to have stayed longer.

921
00:38:54.750 --> 00:38:55.583
- Hey! What--
- Yeah?

922
00:38:55.583 --> 00:38:56.583
You couldn't introduce me?

923
00:38:56.583 --> 00:38:58.875
Du, I'm in the middle of a situation here.
What are you talking about?

924
00:38:58.875 --> 00:39:00.083
You introduced Michel!

925
00:39:00.083 --> 00:39:01.375
Well, I actually introduced myself.

926
00:39:01.375 --> 00:39:04.000
Okay, I've had enough of you,
Mr. <i>Éclairs au chocolat</i>.

927
00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:05.375
Come along, Hunchback!

928
00:39:06.250 --> 00:39:07.792
Duchamp Rousseau, what is your problem?

929
00:39:07.792 --> 00:39:09.708
Don't you have to kill somebody?

930
00:39:10.500 --> 00:39:12.083
You're a real asshole, Duchamp.

931
00:39:13.167 --> 00:39:14.958
- [prisoners screaming]
- [whip cracks]

932
00:39:19.333 --> 00:39:20.333
[sighs]

933
00:39:35.583 --> 00:39:37.500
Enough monk-y business.

934
00:39:38.833 --> 00:39:40.083
Leave us!

935
00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:55.958
[both laugh]

936
00:39:55.958 --> 00:39:58.500
You know that feeling
when your father's on his deathbed,

937
00:39:58.500 --> 00:40:00.417
and you're about to be crowned king?

938
00:40:00.417 --> 00:40:01.750
No, I don't, sire.

939
00:40:01.750 --> 00:40:04.417
It's a tingling feeling.
I'm feeling it right now.

940
00:40:04.417 --> 00:40:07.500
Oh, yes. I can only imagine.

941
00:40:08.417 --> 00:40:09.667
[sighs]

942
00:40:20.708 --> 00:40:22.500
- [gasps]
- Are you going to start?

943
00:40:22.500 --> 00:40:24.875
Or am I just going to sit here
diddling my crosier?

944
00:40:24.875 --> 00:40:27.125
Oh, I-- Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry.

945
00:40:27.708 --> 00:40:29.750
Your Grace, is God all-knowing?

946
00:40:29.750 --> 00:40:31.125
Do I shit in the woods?

947
00:40:31.125 --> 00:40:32.750
I don't know. You tell me.

948
00:40:32.750 --> 00:40:34.958
- I do. It's divine.
- Oh.

949
00:40:34.958 --> 00:40:38.083
Though, I cannot say how pleasant
for the poor chap who has to wipe my ass.

950
00:40:38.083 --> 00:40:42.917
Um, Your Holiness, I have been tasked
with something <i>horrible</i>,

951
00:40:42.917 --> 00:40:45.208
and you're the only person
who can help me.

952
00:40:45.833 --> 00:40:48.583
Hunchback, I want you
to assassinate the king.

953
00:40:49.792 --> 00:40:50.792
[speaking French]

954
00:40:50.792 --> 00:40:53.292
God made a mistake
giving you a hunched back.

955
00:40:53.917 --> 00:40:57.792
He will straighten out your back
in exchange for this one very small task.

956
00:40:57.792 --> 00:41:00.958
He wants you to kill the king tomorrow at
the public square in front of his people.

957
00:41:00.958 --> 00:41:02.667
Uh, Your Holiness, I-I--

958
00:41:02.667 --> 00:41:05.708
Listen to me, Hunchman, and hear me well.

959
00:41:05.708 --> 00:41:09.083
Disobey me, and God will send you
directly to Hunchback Hell

960
00:41:09.083 --> 00:41:11.583
alongside that oafish
best friend of yours!

961
00:41:11.583 --> 00:41:14.000
Duchamp? No, we're just hut mates.

962
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:17.792
Uh, he needed a place to live
closer to town. I was short on rent.

963
00:41:17.792 --> 00:41:21.125
I don't give a resounding fuck
about your housing arrangements!

964
00:41:22.375 --> 00:41:25.708
Ah, I see you found the jewel-encrusted
dagger I had placed in your booth. Good.

965
00:41:25.708 --> 00:41:28.833
Now, don't let the door hit you
on the hump on the way out.

966
00:41:31.708 --> 00:41:32.708
[gasps]

967
00:41:43.792 --> 00:41:45.333
Merde.

968
00:41:48.667 --> 00:41:50.542
You bastard <i>magnifique</i>.

969
00:41:50.542 --> 00:41:53.125
Someone's getting a lot more vassals
to rule over.

970
00:41:53.125 --> 00:41:55.625
Thank you, sire. I hope they're English.

971
00:41:55.625 --> 00:41:56.708
[both laugh]

972
00:42:02.417 --> 00:42:06.542
Oh, do you think he'll wail like a maiden
when he finds him dead?

973
00:42:06.542 --> 00:42:08.042
God, I hope so.

974
00:42:11.417 --> 00:42:15.167
Holy shit,
I have to take a holy shit. [groans]

975
00:42:16.458 --> 00:42:18.167
[farting] Quickly.

976
00:42:18.167 --> 00:42:19.417
[groans]

977
00:42:20.208 --> 00:42:21.750
Bring me the hunchback.

978
00:42:21.750 --> 00:42:22.833
Yes, sire.

979
00:42:31.750 --> 00:42:33.333
[exclaims]

980
00:42:33.333 --> 00:42:38.458
You have exactly five seconds
to explain why the pope is still alive.

981
00:42:38.458 --> 00:42:39.625
- <i>Un</i>.
- Well--

982
00:42:39.625 --> 00:42:40.875
- <i>Deux</i>.
- But--

983
00:42:40.875 --> 00:42:42.708
- <i>Quatre!</i>
- What about <i>trois</i>?

984
00:42:42.708 --> 00:42:45.083
- <i>Cinq!</i>
- [stammers] There was no weapon!

985
00:42:45.083 --> 00:42:46.625
- No dagger.
- What?

986
00:42:46.625 --> 00:42:50.167
There was no dagger in the confessional.
I didn't have anything to kill him with.

987
00:42:51.500 --> 00:42:53.958
[scoffs] I placed it there myself,
my liege.

988
00:42:53.958 --> 00:42:56.542
There was nothing there. You can check.

989
00:42:56.542 --> 00:43:00.083
Probably thieves. [chuckles]
You know France and its thieves.

990
00:43:01.625 --> 00:43:04.625
Yes, well, France certainly has thieves,
doesn't it? Especially in confessionals.

991
00:43:04.625 --> 00:43:06.167
Enough!

992
00:43:06.875 --> 00:43:10.750
You have left me
with unfinished business, Hunchback.

993
00:43:10.750 --> 00:43:12.625
[stammering] I can make it up to you.

994
00:43:13.125 --> 00:43:16.125
I'm just spitballing here.
I mean, this is probably the bad version.

995
00:43:16.125 --> 00:43:20.083
But perhaps we could wait
and try again later.

996
00:43:20.083 --> 00:43:23.500
Say, oh, next Christmas.

997
00:43:23.500 --> 00:43:28.292
Can-- He would never see that coming.
Can you imagine how surprised he'd--

998
00:43:28.292 --> 00:43:30.542
- Excellent idea.
- 'Tis?

999
00:43:30.542 --> 00:43:33.833
Excellent idea, indeed.

1000
00:43:34.542 --> 00:43:40.208
Tomorrow at our public appearance
in the square, you will kill the pope.

1001
00:43:40.208 --> 00:43:45.333
Then my guards will subdue you, proving
the power of the throne over the church.

1002
00:43:45.833 --> 00:43:48.667
And then we'll reward you with wives
and money and land

1003
00:43:48.667 --> 00:43:50.292
and just send you on your way.

1004
00:43:50.917 --> 00:43:56.125
Yeah. No. I feel like
there's some holes in that plan.

1005
00:43:56.125 --> 00:43:59.625
You will kill the pope tomorrow,
or I will slit your throat myself!

1006
00:43:59.625 --> 00:44:00.708
[gulps]

1007
00:44:00.708 --> 00:44:01.833
Leave us.

1008
00:44:03.458 --> 00:44:06.917
I'm assuming you'll have him
publicly executed thereafter, sire?

1009
00:44:06.917 --> 00:44:08.625
Oh, yes.

1010
00:44:08.625 --> 00:44:11.667
If I can kill my former wife
for flapping her gums,

1011
00:44:11.667 --> 00:44:14.167
I can certainly kill one little hunchback.

1012
00:44:14.167 --> 00:44:17.167
[cackles] Yes! Yes!

1013
00:44:17.167 --> 00:44:19.417
[both cackling]

1014
00:44:21.167 --> 00:44:22.167
Good show, sire.

1015
00:44:22.167 --> 00:44:25.125
After the coronation,
and with the pope out of the way,

1016
00:44:25.125 --> 00:44:27.125
my power will be unchecked!

1017
00:44:27.125 --> 00:44:32.375
And then my new wife
will find herself quite expendable.

1018
00:44:32.375 --> 00:44:35.208
[cackles] She's done for!

1019
00:44:35.208 --> 00:44:37.375
I thought so. I think so.

1020
00:44:37.375 --> 00:44:39.542
I love it. I love it. Top shot.

1021
00:44:39.542 --> 00:44:41.750
But let's keep that between ourselves.

1022
00:44:41.750 --> 00:44:44.708
[chuckling] Yes. Of course, of course.
Of course, we will.

1023
00:44:45.667 --> 00:44:47.917
[chuckling] Yes. Yeah.

1024
00:44:47.917 --> 00:44:50.750
[chuckling]

1025
00:44:51.625 --> 00:44:54.125
Let's have another guard kill this guard.

1026
00:44:54.125 --> 00:44:55.583
Yes, sire. Guard!

1027
00:44:56.917 --> 00:44:57.917
Yes, my lord.

1028
00:44:57.917 --> 00:44:59.417
Kill him.

1029
00:45:02.875 --> 00:45:03.875
I'm sorry, who?

1030
00:45:03.875 --> 00:45:05.792
- Him.
- Arnaud?

1031
00:45:05.792 --> 00:45:06.958
I don't know his name.

1032
00:45:06.958 --> 00:45:09.292
No, I couldn't, my lord.
I have known Arnaud my entire life.

1033
00:45:09.292 --> 00:45:10.667
We came up together as squires.

1034
00:45:10.667 --> 00:45:12.625
I don't care if he's your brother.
Kill him.

1035
00:45:12.625 --> 00:45:14.458
Well, he's not my brother.
He is my brother-in-law.

1036
00:45:14.458 --> 00:45:16.083
He's married to my youngest sister,
you see.

1037
00:45:16.083 --> 00:45:17.583
- I have an idea.
- Hmm.

1038
00:45:17.583 --> 00:45:21.792
Would it be easier if we got a third guard
to come in and kill both of these guys?

1039
00:45:21.792 --> 00:45:23.083
Oh, whoops! Here we go.

1040
00:45:23.083 --> 00:45:24.625
[grunting]

1041
00:45:27.917 --> 00:45:29.458
Well. [chuckles]

1042
00:45:29.458 --> 00:45:30.792
[sniffles] That was easy.

1043
00:45:30.792 --> 00:45:31.917
That'll be all.

1044
00:45:31.917 --> 00:45:33.250
Long live the king. [sobs]

1045
00:45:33.250 --> 00:45:35.125
- [Henri] You may go.
- Thank you.

1046
00:45:35.125 --> 00:45:37.208
[Arnaud groaning]

1047
00:45:37.208 --> 00:45:38.750
[grumbles]

1048
00:45:40.583 --> 00:45:43.167
When a job is once begun,
do not stop until it's done.

1049
00:45:43.667 --> 00:45:46.000
- Mother used to say that.
- [groaning continues]

1050
00:45:46.833 --> 00:45:51.458
[Arnaud screams, groans]

1051
00:45:51.458 --> 00:45:53.458
- [grunts]
- [blood spilling]

1052
00:45:53.458 --> 00:45:57.167
[guard pants, breathes shakily]

1053
00:45:57.167 --> 00:45:59.083
- Good work.
- Okay.

1054
00:46:00.542 --> 00:46:01.417
Best to your sister.

1055
00:46:01.417 --> 00:46:04.333
Huh, seems like a nice fellow.

1056
00:46:04.333 --> 00:46:06.083
Yeah, huh. Quite nice.

1057
00:46:06.083 --> 00:46:07.667
[ensemble playing flute music]

1058
00:46:09.833 --> 00:46:12.333
Did I mention I'm incredibly psyched
I gave you that ticket?

1059
00:46:12.333 --> 00:46:14.917
Yeah, you know the pope plans
on damning you to hell too.

1060
00:46:14.917 --> 00:46:16.042
We're not best friends!

1061
00:46:16.042 --> 00:46:18.958
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Jerome from Champagne, I get it.

1062
00:46:18.958 --> 00:46:22.708
Quasi! I'm not usually this guy,
but I gotta know.

1063
00:46:22.708 --> 00:46:24.500
What'd you confess to the pope?

1064
00:46:24.500 --> 00:46:26.250
- [music stops]
- [chattering stops]

1065
00:46:27.500 --> 00:46:28.750
[chuckling] Um...

1066
00:46:30.667 --> 00:46:37.125
Uh, well, I told him, "Pope,
my biggest sin is that I party too much."

1067
00:46:37.125 --> 00:46:39.042
- [laughs]
- [crowd laughing]

1068
00:46:39.042 --> 00:46:40.833
[laughing continues]

1069
00:46:41.708 --> 00:46:43.708
You party too much. I love it.

1070
00:46:43.708 --> 00:46:46.208
Hey, how about a song for Quasi?

1071
00:46:46.208 --> 00:46:48.083
[crowd cheering]

1072
00:46:49.833 --> 00:46:52.958
<i>♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪</i>

1073
00:46:52.958 --> 00:46:56.583
<i>♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪</i>

1074
00:46:56.583 --> 00:47:00.125
<i>♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪</i>

1075
00:47:00.125 --> 00:47:03.333
<i>♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪</i>

1076
00:47:03.333 --> 00:47:06.875
<i>♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪</i>

1077
00:47:06.875 --> 00:47:10.000
<i>♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪</i>

1078
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:13.542
<i>♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪</i>

1079
00:47:13.542 --> 00:47:16.292
<i>♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪</i>

1080
00:47:16.292 --> 00:47:17.917
Now all the guys who fuck sheep.

1081
00:47:17.917 --> 00:47:21.167
<i>♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪</i>

1082
00:47:21.167 --> 00:47:24.042
<i>♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪</i>

1083
00:47:24.042 --> 00:47:25.583
<i>Sonnez les matines ♪</i>

1084
00:47:25.583 --> 00:47:27.708
[singing continues in distance]

1085
00:47:36.417 --> 00:47:37.500
[sighs]

1086
00:47:47.125 --> 00:47:48.625
[sighs]

1087
00:47:51.542 --> 00:47:53.042
[sighs]

1088
00:47:55.083 --> 00:47:56.083
[grunts]

1089
00:47:56.625 --> 00:47:58.500
[groans]

1090
00:48:06.625 --> 00:48:09.625
[flute music playing]

1091
00:48:16.833 --> 00:48:17.833
[clamoring]

1092
00:48:18.375 --> 00:48:20.083
Who's there? Who's there?

1093
00:48:20.083 --> 00:48:21.167
Stay away. I have no money.

1094
00:48:21.167 --> 00:48:23.875
I'm not afraid to fight. I have a flute.
I will shove it up your ass.

1095
00:48:25.583 --> 00:48:27.042
[gasps] Milady.

1096
00:48:29.792 --> 00:48:32.833
Never such a sad song have heard I.

1097
00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:37.583
What stank-laden cloud
engulfs your gamy heart?

1098
00:48:37.583 --> 00:48:41.250
I cannot say. I've been forbidden.

1099
00:48:41.250 --> 00:48:42.708
Who forbade you?

1100
00:48:42.708 --> 00:48:45.000
I cannot tell you. I am forbidden.

1101
00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:46.625
Who forbade you to do that?

1102
00:48:46.625 --> 00:48:49.292
I cannot discuss it. I was forbode.

1103
00:48:49.292 --> 00:48:52.167
I hear you, but who did the forbaying?

1104
00:48:52.167 --> 00:48:54.875
I'm-- I can't talk about it.

1105
00:48:54.875 --> 00:48:57.958
- Please, let's have a sit.
- Oh.

1106
00:49:02.750 --> 00:49:04.542
I know your predicament.

1107
00:49:04.542 --> 00:49:06.500
- You do?
- Yes.

1108
00:49:06.500 --> 00:49:09.250
The king has commanded you
to commit papacide.

1109
00:49:09.250 --> 00:49:12.042
[chuckles] Your Majesty,
that's just half of it.

1110
00:49:12.042 --> 00:49:14.500
And after you carry out that task,
he's going to kill you.

1111
00:49:14.500 --> 00:49:16.792
Oh, fuck!

1112
00:49:16.792 --> 00:49:20.167
Okay, he didn't tell me that part.
Well, that's bad news.

1113
00:49:20.167 --> 00:49:23.792
No, I was talking about how the pope
also ordered me to kill the king.

1114
00:49:23.792 --> 00:49:25.667
- Say what?
- Yeah.

1115
00:49:25.667 --> 00:49:26.875
Oh, my.

1116
00:49:26.875 --> 00:49:29.583
[laughing]

1117
00:49:29.583 --> 00:49:32.208
[both laughing]

1118
00:49:41.333 --> 00:49:42.625
[both grunting]

1119
00:49:42.625 --> 00:49:45.208
[grunting, laughing continues]

1120
00:49:47.250 --> 00:49:48.542
But why are we laughing?

1121
00:49:48.542 --> 00:49:50.667
[sighs] Things have gotten dark.

1122
00:49:52.208 --> 00:49:56.208
I've learned the king's previous wife was
killed when she overstepped her position.

1123
00:49:57.417 --> 00:50:00.000
I fear I am bound for the same fate.

1124
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.458
- <i>Non</i>.
- <i>Oui</i>.

1125
00:50:02.458 --> 00:50:04.958
Sounds like we're both royally screwed.

1126
00:50:04.958 --> 00:50:06.042
Well...

1127
00:50:07.250 --> 00:50:09.500
maybe we can solve
your immediate problem first.

1128
00:50:09.500 --> 00:50:13.625
[groans] Why bother? I don't matter.
I'm a nobody.

1129
00:50:13.625 --> 00:50:19.750
You are not a nobody.
You are Quasi: inventor, problem solver.

1130
00:50:19.750 --> 00:50:23.792
Someone as resourceful as you can
certainly come up with a solution to this.

1131
00:50:23.792 --> 00:50:24.875
Come.

1132
00:50:25.625 --> 00:50:26.625
Walk with me.

1133
00:50:27.333 --> 00:50:28.542
Let us conspire.

1134
00:50:28.542 --> 00:50:29.625
Oh.

1135
00:50:33.000 --> 00:50:35.167
<i>♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪</i>

1136
00:50:35.167 --> 00:50:37.292
<i>♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪</i>

1137
00:50:37.292 --> 00:50:39.542
<i>♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪</i>

1138
00:50:39.542 --> 00:50:41.708
<i>♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪</i>

1139
00:50:41.708 --> 00:50:48.792
<i>Ding dang dong ♪</i>

1140
00:50:50.708 --> 00:50:53.333
[crowd laughing, cheering]

1141
00:50:55.375 --> 00:50:56.958
- Hey!
- Hey, where you been?

1142
00:50:56.958 --> 00:50:59.417
I was outside walking and thinking.

1143
00:50:59.417 --> 00:51:01.083
Let's drink and forget your troubles.

1144
00:51:01.083 --> 00:51:04.250
No, I have a plan.

1145
00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:06.750
You came up with this plan
all by yourself?

1146
00:51:06.750 --> 00:51:08.167
Yeah, why wouldn't I have?

1147
00:51:08.167 --> 00:51:10.375
- Seems to work for everyone.
- Yes, it does.

1148
00:51:10.375 --> 00:51:13.000
Gets me off the hook
from killing the king and the pope

1149
00:51:13.000 --> 00:51:16.333
and, in the end,
Duchamp looks like a hero.

1150
00:51:16.333 --> 00:51:20.000
- I really like that part, a lot!
- Yeah.

1151
00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:22.458
- Thanks for thinking of me, Quasi.
- Of course.

1152
00:51:22.458 --> 00:51:23.750
After all, you are my...

1153
00:51:24.750 --> 00:51:25.750
hut mate.

1154
00:51:25.750 --> 00:51:27.875
Yeah. Of course. Hut mate. Right.
[laughs] Yeah.

1155
00:51:27.875 --> 00:51:31.625
Yeah. Yeah. Big day tomorrow.
Let's do this.

1156
00:51:31.625 --> 00:51:33.292
[Duchamp] Yeah.

1157
00:51:33.292 --> 00:51:35.875
[spectators cheering]

1158
00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:43.333
And in closing, God smiles upon France,

1159
00:51:44.083 --> 00:51:48.417
in spite of the sins of its people,
its endlessly heavy sauces,

1160
00:51:48.417 --> 00:51:50.875
and the incompetence of its king.

1161
00:51:50.875 --> 00:51:53.417
Oops, I said the quiet part out loud.

1162
00:51:53.417 --> 00:51:56.875
Eh, glory be to God and bless you.

1163
00:52:00.750 --> 00:52:01.958
Subjects.

1164
00:52:01.958 --> 00:52:06.000
By the divine right of kings,
I am the hand of God.

1165
00:52:06.000 --> 00:52:08.625
And after this week's coronation,

1166
00:52:08.625 --> 00:52:12.958
God will make France
the most powerful kingdom in the world.

1167
00:52:14.542 --> 00:52:16.583
Top shot, sire. Top shot.

1168
00:52:16.583 --> 00:52:19.000
That all sounds lovely. Yes, yes, yes.

1169
00:52:19.000 --> 00:52:20.083
But, remember,

1170
00:52:20.083 --> 00:52:24.667
God allows the king to serve,
but he uses my mouth to convey the law.

1171
00:52:24.667 --> 00:52:25.958
Very important distinction.

1172
00:52:25.958 --> 00:52:28.750
I bet he uses your mouth
for more than that.

1173
00:52:29.708 --> 00:52:32.750
How about I put the foot of God
up your royal ass?

1174
00:52:32.750 --> 00:52:36.042
[King Guy] How about you try
in that dress of yours?

1175
00:52:36.042 --> 00:52:38.542
[Pope Cornelius]
I couldn't miss your whole ass.

1176
00:52:38.542 --> 00:52:39.792
Am I right, people?

1177
00:52:39.792 --> 00:52:41.833
- You have syphilis.
- [gasps]

1178
00:52:42.667 --> 00:52:44.750
- Oh, it's the hunchback.
- Ah.

1179
00:52:44.750 --> 00:52:47.125
Let's bring up the papal lottery winner.

1180
00:52:47.125 --> 00:52:49.417
Indeed, indeed.
Bring up the lottery winner.

1181
00:52:50.083 --> 00:52:51.708
[grunting]

1182
00:52:51.708 --> 00:52:53.875
- [grunting continues]
- [King Guy] Oh.

1183
00:52:54.583 --> 00:52:56.708
Oh, no. He's a madman.

1184
00:52:56.708 --> 00:53:01.125
[gasps] Oh. Lord help us.
He seems quite insane and dangerous.

1185
00:53:01.708 --> 00:53:05.625
Ah, somebody better stop me
before I kill someone.

1186
00:53:05.625 --> 00:53:07.417
- [grunts]
- Hold on.

1187
00:53:08.167 --> 00:53:09.333
[screams]

1188
00:53:09.333 --> 00:53:11.708
Not so fast, hunchbacked infidel.

1189
00:53:11.708 --> 00:53:13.458
- What's this?
- [both grunt]

1190
00:53:13.458 --> 00:53:15.583
- [Quasi grunting]
- [spectators screaming]

1191
00:53:17.000 --> 00:53:18.583
[grunting continues]

1192
00:53:20.208 --> 00:53:23.417
Oh, God. There's no coming back from this.

1193
00:53:23.417 --> 00:53:25.417
What the fuck?

1194
00:53:25.417 --> 00:53:26.833
I've subdued him.

1195
00:53:26.833 --> 00:53:32.958
[groans] I think you did more than that.
I think you killed me.

1196
00:53:32.958 --> 00:53:34.042
[groans]

1197
00:53:34.042 --> 00:53:35.333
[spectators clamoring]

1198
00:53:35.333 --> 00:53:38.667
Long live Pope Cornelius and King Guy!

1199
00:53:38.667 --> 00:53:43.917
Four more years. Four more years.
Four more years.

1200
00:53:43.917 --> 00:53:45.542
[spectators chanting] Four more years.

1201
00:53:45.542 --> 00:53:49.458
Uh, this corpse is an affront
to your combined excellencies.

1202
00:53:50.167 --> 00:53:54.458
I will take it back to my place
and pound it to a pulp with a rock.

1203
00:53:54.458 --> 00:53:56.167
[spectators chanting] With a rock!

1204
00:53:56.167 --> 00:54:00.375
So be it.
Let the hero dispose of the body.

1205
00:54:01.958 --> 00:54:03.417
You must have been scared.

1206
00:54:03.417 --> 00:54:05.250
No. You must have been scared.

1207
00:54:05.250 --> 00:54:07.417
No, I believe it is you who was scared.

1208
00:54:07.417 --> 00:54:09.583
- [chanting continues]
- [Quasi grunts] Ow.

1209
00:54:11.333 --> 00:54:13.083
[Duchamp whispers] Come on. Hurry. Hurry.

1210
00:54:21.167 --> 00:54:22.167
[groans]

1211
00:54:24.458 --> 00:54:26.792
[grunting]

1212
00:54:26.792 --> 00:54:29.375
Did you hear those people cheering for me?
That was amazing!

1213
00:54:29.375 --> 00:54:32.083
Okay, listen, we need to dispose
of these clothes

1214
00:54:32.083 --> 00:54:33.792
and make sure we weren't followed.

1215
00:54:33.792 --> 00:54:34.958
Buddy, it worked.

1216
00:54:34.958 --> 00:54:37.458
The cow guts, the fake knife,
it all worked!

1217
00:54:37.458 --> 00:54:39.042
It was a great plan. You should be happy.

1218
00:54:39.042 --> 00:54:41.750
Oh, I'm not really looking forward
to the next part of the plan.

1219
00:54:41.750 --> 00:54:43.667
You only have to stay here
for, like, a year.

1220
00:54:43.667 --> 00:54:45.875
You promise you'll come by regularly
with supplies

1221
00:54:45.875 --> 00:54:47.500
and news of the outside world?

1222
00:54:47.500 --> 00:54:48.583
<i>Absolument.</i>

1223
00:54:48.583 --> 00:54:52.125
How about I bring back
a giant sack of Belon oysters?

1224
00:54:52.125 --> 00:54:54.000
Oh, come on. Where are you gonna get that?

1225
00:54:54.000 --> 00:54:55.500
[laughing] That's a good point.

1226
00:54:55.500 --> 00:54:56.625
[sighs]

1227
00:54:56.625 --> 00:54:57.917
You know what? At the very least,

1228
00:54:57.917 --> 00:55:00.917
tonight, I'll come back
with some hog anus and trough water!

1229
00:55:00.917 --> 00:55:03.375
Really? [laughs] That's my favorite.

1230
00:55:03.375 --> 00:55:05.708
- Oh, and how about a bell? Want a bell?
- No.

1231
00:55:05.708 --> 00:55:07.333
I'll bring you a bell. Come on.

1232
00:55:07.333 --> 00:55:09.875
- Okay. Okay.
- All right.

1233
00:55:09.875 --> 00:55:11.958
- You can't ring it, though.
- Oh, yeah, I know.

1234
00:55:11.958 --> 00:55:14.917
Hey, it's gonna be okay. Hang in there.

1235
00:55:16.333 --> 00:55:17.333
Okay.

1236
00:55:18.542 --> 00:55:22.208
Hey, extra rare on the hog anus, please.
Just show it to the flame.

1237
00:55:23.083 --> 00:55:24.083
[sighs]

1238
00:55:29.917 --> 00:55:31.958
[person cheering]

1239
00:55:33.042 --> 00:55:34.875
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey. Hey.

1240
00:55:35.500 --> 00:55:37.042
- How's he doing?
- He's doing great.

1241
00:55:37.042 --> 00:55:38.458
I stashed him in the cave.

1242
00:55:38.458 --> 00:55:40.042
- He's moody. The yoozh.
- Uh-huh.

1243
00:55:40.042 --> 00:55:41.375
How's the action around here?

1244
00:55:41.375 --> 00:55:43.208
Pretty good. Lots of talk about today.

1245
00:55:43.208 --> 00:55:44.292
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

1246
00:55:44.292 --> 00:55:45.333
Anyone talking about me?

1247
00:55:45.333 --> 00:55:49.625
- Oh, hey. Terrible about Quasi. So sad.
- Very sad.

1248
00:55:49.625 --> 00:55:51.875
Oh, yeah. Super sad. Super sad. Super sad.

1249
00:55:51.875 --> 00:55:55.417
Um, by chance, has anyone offered
to buy me a drink tonight?

1250
00:55:55.917 --> 00:55:57.250
For what?

1251
00:55:57.250 --> 00:55:59.125
My role in today's events?

1252
00:55:59.125 --> 00:56:01.292
Oh, yeah. You were on stage, weren't you?

1253
00:56:01.292 --> 00:56:03.375
Yeah, yeah. I subdued Quasi.

1254
00:56:03.375 --> 00:56:05.958
Mmm, I remember him stabbing himself.

1255
00:56:05.958 --> 00:56:07.125
No, I subdued him.

1256
00:56:07.125 --> 00:56:09.417
- Are we talking about the same event?
- Yes!

1257
00:56:09.417 --> 00:56:12.417
Laurent,
do you remember Duchamp subduing Quasi?

1258
00:56:12.958 --> 00:56:14.375
- <i>Non.</i>
- Okay.

1259
00:56:14.375 --> 00:56:15.833
Shots, please.

1260
00:56:15.833 --> 00:56:16.917
Hey, there.

1261
00:56:16.917 --> 00:56:19.500
Did you see what happened to your friend,
the hunchback, today?

1262
00:56:19.500 --> 00:56:21.833
Did you see
who saved the pope and the king today?

1263
00:56:21.833 --> 00:56:24.625
Yeah, some guy.
Seemed pretty unremarkable.

1264
00:56:24.625 --> 00:56:27.250
Like, one of those faces
you forget about immediately.

1265
00:56:27.250 --> 00:56:30.542
Screw that guy. I wish the hunchback
stabbed those bastards.

1266
00:56:30.542 --> 00:56:31.625
Right?

1267
00:56:31.625 --> 00:56:33.792
- To the hunchback.
- To the hunchback.

1268
00:56:33.792 --> 00:56:35.250
- [laughing]
- [chuckles] Yeah.

1269
00:56:35.833 --> 00:56:38.000
- To the hunchback. Right.
- [Blouin] How about another?

1270
00:56:42.375 --> 00:56:44.500
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Who's that cool guy?

1271
00:56:44.500 --> 00:56:49.833
Yeah, it looks like a young Marco Polo
if his face got slammed with a hammer.

1272
00:56:49.833 --> 00:56:52.125
What's it feel like
to stand straight up and down?

1273
00:56:52.125 --> 00:56:54.708
[growling]

1274
00:56:54.708 --> 00:56:57.750
Who is that? Who goes there?
Who is that? I have a stick.

1275
00:56:57.750 --> 00:56:58.958
[laughs] Gotcha.

1276
00:56:58.958 --> 00:57:01.750
[sighing] Oh, God. For crying out Pete.

1277
00:57:01.750 --> 00:57:02.833
Oh, no.

1278
00:57:03.333 --> 00:57:06.792
Ugh. I fear I've been reading far too much
<i>Beowulf</i> lately. I am so sorry.

1279
00:57:06.792 --> 00:57:08.917
- [Quasi] My Queen.
- Please, stand.

1280
00:57:08.917 --> 00:57:11.958
Any man who has your courage
need not kneel to me.

1281
00:57:16.042 --> 00:57:20.375
Ah. You smell
of refreshingly aromatic fragrances.

1282
00:57:20.375 --> 00:57:22.708
And you of stinky ones.

1283
00:57:22.708 --> 00:57:25.375
[sniffs, sighs]

1284
00:57:27.042 --> 00:57:28.042
[Quasi sighs]

1285
00:57:28.042 --> 00:57:29.792
- What are you painting?
- Mmm?

1286
00:57:30.625 --> 00:57:33.750
Oh. I call that a selfie.

1287
00:57:33.750 --> 00:57:35.708
Why would anyone make a picture
of themselves?

1288
00:57:35.708 --> 00:57:38.917
I don't know,
but it is strangely satisfying. [laughs]

1289
00:57:38.917 --> 00:57:41.667
Sometimes you have to do it, like,
five times before you get it right.

1290
00:57:41.667 --> 00:57:44.125
But when you do, it's a good feeling.

1291
00:57:44.125 --> 00:57:45.250
I see.

1292
00:57:45.250 --> 00:57:48.000
Well, the king and pope
believe you are dead

1293
00:57:48.000 --> 00:57:50.958
and seem content with that
given the secrets that you held.

1294
00:57:51.750 --> 00:57:54.083
- Your plan worked.
- Our plan.

1295
00:57:56.333 --> 00:57:58.958
Um, I've spoken to my family in England,

1296
00:57:58.958 --> 00:58:00.792
and they will help us get out
of the country.

1297
00:58:00.792 --> 00:58:02.542
Yo-You will not be queen?

1298
00:58:02.542 --> 00:58:05.750
The king's sole intention is
to expand his power.

1299
00:58:06.375 --> 00:58:08.208
After that he'll have no use for me.

1300
00:58:08.833 --> 00:58:11.208
He is merciless, self-centered, and petty.

1301
00:58:12.750 --> 00:58:14.583
You'd make a far better king than he.

1302
00:58:14.583 --> 00:58:16.750
[laughing]

1303
00:58:17.375 --> 00:58:19.583
Okay, my queen. That's a good one.

1304
00:58:19.583 --> 00:58:24.708
It is true! I saw your oyster rebellion.
You are a leader.

1305
00:58:24.708 --> 00:58:25.792
[chuckles] No.

1306
00:58:25.792 --> 00:58:29.042
I just believe everyone should have
the opportunity to eat oysters.

1307
00:58:29.042 --> 00:58:31.625
And I see your kindness.

1308
00:58:31.625 --> 00:58:33.667
That is why I am drawn to you.

1309
00:58:34.500 --> 00:58:36.125
That's a lot to digest.

1310
00:58:36.125 --> 00:58:37.583
Oh, speaking of which,

1311
00:58:38.083 --> 00:58:39.625
- I brought some food.
- Oh.

1312
00:58:39.625 --> 00:58:41.125
Including, of course,

1313
00:58:41.708 --> 00:58:43.667
- Belon oysters.
- [Quasi laughs]

1314
00:58:43.667 --> 00:58:44.917
Let's sup.

1315
00:58:44.917 --> 00:58:45.958
Aha!

1316
00:58:45.958 --> 00:58:47.375
[laughs, inhales sharply]

1317
00:58:47.375 --> 00:58:48.500
[sighs]

1318
00:58:48.500 --> 00:58:50.125
[Quasi grunting]

1319
00:58:50.125 --> 00:58:51.458
Oh, yes.

1320
00:58:52.042 --> 00:58:53.125
[sighs, chuckles]

1321
00:58:56.417 --> 00:58:57.417
[grunts]

1322
00:58:59.750 --> 00:59:02.750
[Quasi, Catherine laughing]

1323
00:59:05.375 --> 00:59:09.708
You're right. This is strangely satisfying
and validating.

1324
00:59:09.708 --> 00:59:11.458
[both laughing]

1325
00:59:12.708 --> 00:59:15.125
I don't want to, but I must go now.

1326
00:59:15.125 --> 00:59:16.708
- No, please don't.
- I have to.

1327
00:59:16.708 --> 00:59:17.792
No!

1328
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:22.083
- Mmm.
- [Quasi groans]

1329
00:59:22.083 --> 00:59:24.792
- Thank goodness I got that ticket.
- [Catherine sighs]

1330
00:59:24.792 --> 00:59:26.500
- [Quasi] Oh, yeah.
- [gasps]

1331
00:59:28.750 --> 00:59:32.167
[crying]

1332
00:59:35.375 --> 00:59:38.000
Mmm. That was my ticket.

1333
00:59:38.750 --> 00:59:41.750
I deserved that ticket, and he took it.

1334
00:59:41.750 --> 00:59:43.042
He took my ticket from me.

1335
00:59:43.042 --> 00:59:45.000
He's a ticket-taker, that's what he is.

1336
00:59:46.042 --> 00:59:47.042
Mmm.

1337
00:59:51.458 --> 00:59:53.542
[groans]

1338
00:59:54.417 --> 00:59:56.833
That is delicious Cabernet.

1339
00:59:59.542 --> 01:00:00.833
Whoo.

1340
01:00:00.833 --> 01:00:03.042
Hey, did you throw that bottle?

1341
01:00:05.333 --> 01:00:07.583
[groans, pants]

1342
01:00:08.167 --> 01:00:09.292
Duchamp?

1343
01:00:09.292 --> 01:00:12.542
Oh, hey. Hey, you kids. Get out of here.

1344
01:00:12.542 --> 01:00:14.917
These stupid kids,
they're just throwing bottles at doors.

1345
01:00:14.917 --> 01:00:16.458
Those little sons of bitches.

1346
01:00:16.458 --> 01:00:18.250
There's no respect for anything.

1347
01:00:18.250 --> 01:00:19.417
Fuck you!

1348
01:00:19.417 --> 01:00:21.083
How's the hero doing, eh?

1349
01:00:21.083 --> 01:00:22.250
Yeah, you know, it's okay.

1350
01:00:22.250 --> 01:00:23.333
You did the right thing.

1351
01:00:23.333 --> 01:00:26.000
I never had a good feeling
about that creepy hunchback.

1352
01:00:26.000 --> 01:00:27.875
- You want a sip of my bladder?
- No, no, no.

1353
01:00:27.875 --> 01:00:30.000
Just take a pull of my bladder.
Suck it. Take a suck.

1354
01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:31.458
- I'm cool. I'm on the clock.
- No?

1355
01:00:31.458 --> 01:00:32.708
Bladder.

1356
01:00:32.708 --> 01:00:35.917
- I know, it's funny. It's a funny word.
- Right? It's a good thing you said--

1357
01:00:35.917 --> 01:00:37.333
Hey, you know something else?

1358
01:00:37.333 --> 01:00:38.750
I gave him that ticket.

1359
01:00:38.750 --> 01:00:41.208
I know. And you got him the job
at the torture chamber.

1360
01:00:41.208 --> 01:00:42.750
I got him a job at torture chamber.

1361
01:00:42.750 --> 01:00:45.917
You're better off with that guy dead,
Duchamp. That guy was dragging you down.

1362
01:00:45.917 --> 01:00:48.417
You know what? He gets everything
handed to him, that guy.

1363
01:00:48.417 --> 01:00:51.625
He always comes up smelling like roses,
you know?

1364
01:00:51.625 --> 01:00:54.667
Well, if you consider being dead
coming up roses, you know...

1365
01:00:54.667 --> 01:00:56.792
Well, let me tell you something.
He's not dead.

1366
01:00:56.792 --> 01:00:58.583
[laughs] Can you believe that?

1367
01:00:58.583 --> 01:00:59.750
That's the bladder talking.

1368
01:00:59.750 --> 01:01:01.250
No, I'm serious. He's still alive.

1369
01:01:01.250 --> 01:01:03.875
- He's out at that old cave by the lake.
- Yeah.

1370
01:01:03.875 --> 01:01:07.333
Yeah. Don't say anything, though,
'cause loose lips take shits. [chuckles]

1371
01:01:07.333 --> 01:01:09.625
Wait, wait, wait. I saw him die.

1372
01:01:09.625 --> 01:01:14.500
[grunts] No, no, no. It was all bullshit.
It was a ruse.

1373
01:01:14.500 --> 01:01:16.083
You're telling me it was a <i>charade?</i>

1374
01:01:16.083 --> 01:01:18.458
It was a <i>charade.</i>

1375
01:01:18.458 --> 01:01:20.792
Yeah, oh, boy, okay. Hold on a second.

1376
01:01:20.792 --> 01:01:24.042
Everything's spinning. I gotta be careful
not to puke on my boots.

1377
01:01:25.250 --> 01:01:26.250
Okay, all right.

1378
01:01:27.250 --> 01:01:29.375
Good night to you too, you asshole.

1379
01:01:30.500 --> 01:01:31.500
[moans]

1380
01:01:34.583 --> 01:01:37.542
[moaning]

1381
01:01:37.542 --> 01:01:38.792
[twig snaps]

1382
01:01:38.792 --> 01:01:42.000
Duchamp. You'll never guess what happened.
[groans]

1383
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:43.958
Oh, Duchamp, I've got great news.

1384
01:01:44.542 --> 01:01:45.542
[gasps]

1385
01:01:45.542 --> 01:01:48.708
Don't keep us waiting, Hunchback.
Tell us the great news.

1386
01:01:49.333 --> 01:01:52.125
Did you discover that your hump is filled
with gold bullion?

1387
01:01:52.125 --> 01:01:54.375
[all laughing]

1388
01:01:57.417 --> 01:02:02.333
Yes, Lucien, you're right.
The king will be very, very happy.

1389
01:02:02.333 --> 01:02:04.833
And this dickwad will finally get
what he deserves.

1390
01:02:04.833 --> 01:02:07.292
Why don't you do your little chant now, huh?

1391
01:02:07.292 --> 01:02:10.583
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.

1392
01:02:10.583 --> 01:02:12.167
- Seize him.
- [Lucien laughs]

1393
01:02:21.167 --> 01:02:23.375
So, you have anything to say for yourself?

1394
01:02:23.375 --> 01:02:25.542
I thought I would start
by telling the truth,

1395
01:02:25.542 --> 01:02:27.875
- which is that who I was trying to kill--
- Silence!

1396
01:02:29.000 --> 01:02:32.250
How dare you question the power
of your king?

1397
01:02:32.250 --> 01:02:33.542
Or the glory of your pope?

1398
01:02:33.542 --> 01:02:35.458
- Gag him.
- Yes.

1399
01:02:35.458 --> 01:02:37.417
Put one of your balls in his mouth.

1400
01:02:37.417 --> 01:02:38.667
[grunts]

1401
01:02:38.667 --> 01:02:43.875
You're only alive so we can publicly
execute you tomorrow at the coronation.

1402
01:02:43.875 --> 01:02:45.833
[King Guy laughs]

1403
01:02:45.833 --> 01:02:47.583
But in the meantime,

1404
01:02:48.208 --> 01:02:51.625
perhaps a stretch on the old rack
would be apropos.

1405
01:02:51.625 --> 01:02:52.750
Good idea, sire.

1406
01:02:52.750 --> 01:02:54.083
Is it?

1407
01:02:55.333 --> 01:02:58.917
Now, uh, I have no idea how this works.

1408
01:02:58.917 --> 01:03:00.917
Of course, you don't, you cake-eater.

1409
01:03:01.917 --> 01:03:05.625
Shall we see if we can't make his final
night of sleep a little less comfortable?

1410
01:03:05.625 --> 01:03:06.667
[both laugh]

1411
01:03:08.583 --> 01:03:10.750
[Quasi grunting]

1412
01:03:10.750 --> 01:03:12.000
Good show, Your Grace.

1413
01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:13.167
Was it?

1414
01:03:18.583 --> 01:03:19.542
[Lucien] Oh.

1415
01:03:19.542 --> 01:03:21.875
Oh, well, now, uh, aren't you something?

1416
01:03:23.000 --> 01:03:24.750
What's your name? Lorelai?

1417
01:03:25.333 --> 01:03:29.000
Oh, that is a lovely dress you're wearing.
So sheer.

1418
01:03:29.000 --> 01:03:31.208
What a funny thing to run into you
out here

1419
01:03:32.083 --> 01:03:34.958
picking elderberries
in such a gossamer gown.

1420
01:03:35.958 --> 01:03:38.750
Is that a couple of eggplants,
or are you just happy to see me?

1421
01:03:38.750 --> 01:03:40.208
- I love eggplants.
- [gasps]

1422
01:03:40.208 --> 01:03:41.875
Oh. [chuckles] My queen.

1423
01:03:41.875 --> 01:03:42.958
[grunts]

1424
01:03:42.958 --> 01:03:44.042
Oh, you must be lost.

1425
01:03:44.042 --> 01:03:47.875
Um, the perfume cellar is actually,
if you go down the hallway, it's...

1426
01:03:47.875 --> 01:03:50.583
My, look at this painting.

1427
01:03:51.500 --> 01:03:53.833
Look how red her cheeks are.

1428
01:03:53.833 --> 01:03:55.417
Scandalous.

1429
01:03:55.417 --> 01:03:57.917
They're not mine.
I found these in the-- In the woods.

1430
01:03:57.917 --> 01:03:59.417
- Mmm.
- Um. So, no.

1431
01:03:59.417 --> 01:04:01.500
I bet you're here for gown storage.

1432
01:04:01.500 --> 01:04:03.042
That's actually the-the Gautier wing.

1433
01:04:03.042 --> 01:04:05.333
I'm not looking for gown storage.

1434
01:04:05.333 --> 01:04:06.417
Okay, well, then,

1435
01:04:07.125 --> 01:04:10.500
if you seek neither gown storage
nor the perfume cellar, then...

1436
01:04:11.792 --> 01:04:14.292
Well, then the only possible explanation,

1437
01:04:14.292 --> 01:04:16.917
- if I may be so bold... [snorts]
- [chuckles]

1438
01:04:16.917 --> 01:04:21.292
...is that you came to visit <i>moi</i>?

1439
01:04:21.292 --> 01:04:23.375
[laughing]

1440
01:04:24.000 --> 01:04:25.667
- [stabbing sound]
- [Lucien groans]

1441
01:04:26.208 --> 01:04:27.458
[grunts]

1442
01:04:29.375 --> 01:04:30.458
[grunts]

1443
01:04:30.458 --> 01:04:33.333
- [grunts]
- [Lucien screams, thuds]

1444
01:04:37.917 --> 01:04:39.750
I think you just fell for me.

1445
01:04:40.500 --> 01:04:43.083
- [door opens]
- [grunting]

1446
01:04:44.167 --> 01:04:47.208
Now I've got you right where I want you,
you filthy little thing.

1447
01:04:47.208 --> 01:04:48.458
[muffled] Catherine!

1448
01:04:48.458 --> 01:04:49.542
I'm joking.

1449
01:04:50.542 --> 01:04:53.167
- [Quasi groans]
- We must get you out of here.

1450
01:04:53.167 --> 01:04:55.083
Oh, please do.

1451
01:04:55.083 --> 01:04:57.917
I implemented the notes you gave me
on the rack,

1452
01:04:57.917 --> 01:05:00.458
and I must say,
they worked really, really well.

1453
01:05:00.458 --> 01:05:02.958
This thing hurts like a motherfucker.

1454
01:05:02.958 --> 01:05:04.667
Thank you, Quasi.

1455
01:05:06.000 --> 01:05:08.125
[Quasi grunts] I will repay you for this.

1456
01:05:08.125 --> 01:05:11.083
I swear on the souls of both my mothers.

1457
01:05:11.083 --> 01:05:12.583
[groans]

1458
01:05:12.583 --> 01:05:13.833
You had two mothers?

1459
01:05:14.625 --> 01:05:16.583
Yeah, they were Siamese twins.

1460
01:05:16.583 --> 01:05:17.750
I never knew 'em.

1461
01:05:17.750 --> 01:05:20.750
As a babe, they put me in a sack
and tossed me in the river.

1462
01:05:20.750 --> 01:05:24.125
My aunt was a Siamese twin.
Well, my aunts.

1463
01:05:24.750 --> 01:05:28.375
When I was a child,
they produced a hideously deformed baby

1464
01:05:28.375 --> 01:05:30.375
with their brother,
the <i>vicomte de Gastineau.</i>

1465
01:05:30.375 --> 01:05:33.333
- Uh-huh.
- And they threw the baby in the river.

1466
01:05:33.333 --> 01:05:34.542
Huh. That's weird.

1467
01:05:34.542 --> 01:05:36.000
Let me see your back.

1468
01:05:36.583 --> 01:05:38.375
Oh, no, it is not a pretty sight.

1469
01:05:38.375 --> 01:05:39.625
- Let me see your back.
- Milady.

1470
01:05:39.625 --> 01:05:41.417
Oh. Oh. As you wish, my lady.

1471
01:05:42.292 --> 01:05:44.792
- <i>Mon Dieu!</i>
- All right, it's not that bad.

1472
01:05:44.792 --> 01:05:47.708
- The mark of the Gastineau!
- Come again?

1473
01:05:47.708 --> 01:05:51.333
[laughs] Your birthmark is the mark
of the Gastineau.

1474
01:05:51.333 --> 01:05:52.750
Do you know what this means?

1475
01:05:52.750 --> 01:05:56.792
That I have a deformity
on top of my deformity?

1476
01:05:56.792 --> 01:05:58.708
You and I are

1477
01:05:59.375 --> 01:06:00.375
cousins.

1478
01:06:00.375 --> 01:06:05.292
Pfft! <i>Non</i>. Cousins? <i>Impossible.</i>

1479
01:06:05.292 --> 01:06:06.542
<i>Oui</i>, look.

1480
01:06:06.542 --> 01:06:07.625
[Quasi] Huh?

1481
01:06:08.458 --> 01:06:12.375
[gasps] <i>Mon Dieu!</i> It's just like mine.

1482
01:06:15.375 --> 01:06:17.917
I knew I was attracted to you
for a reason.

1483
01:06:17.917 --> 01:06:20.208
I thought it was your honor
and compassion,

1484
01:06:20.208 --> 01:06:24.958
but now I know
it's also because we share the same blood.

1485
01:06:24.958 --> 01:06:28.250
Yeah, I was attracted to you
'cause you're super hot.

1486
01:06:28.250 --> 01:06:33.167
But now that I know we're cousins,
it's really awesome.

1487
01:06:33.167 --> 01:06:34.375
[moans]

1488
01:06:35.042 --> 01:06:36.792
- Um, my mouth is...
- Hmm?

1489
01:06:36.792 --> 01:06:38.750
- Um, like this?
- Yeah.

1490
01:06:38.750 --> 01:06:41.375
Um, okay. [grunts]

1491
01:06:41.375 --> 01:06:43.000
- Mm-hmm. Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- [Quasi] Mm-hmm.

1492
01:06:43.000 --> 01:06:44.958
[both moaning]

1493
01:06:44.958 --> 01:06:46.917
[Catherine] Oh, your hump is so hard.

1494
01:06:46.917 --> 01:06:50.917
- [Quasi] It seems to be getting harder.
- [moaning continues]

1495
01:06:50.917 --> 01:06:54.667
[snoring]

1496
01:06:57.875 --> 01:07:00.625
Sire, sire, it is time.

1497
01:07:01.125 --> 01:07:03.708
[mutters] What?

1498
01:07:03.708 --> 01:07:04.833
It's time.

1499
01:07:04.833 --> 01:07:07.833
Time for you to get out of my bedchamber.

1500
01:07:07.833 --> 01:07:11.167
No, sire, it's half past the cock's crow.

1501
01:07:11.792 --> 01:07:14.250
Half past the cock's crow?

1502
01:07:14.250 --> 01:07:17.375
Oh. We have a hunchback to kill.

1503
01:07:17.375 --> 01:07:18.833
Yes, I like it.

1504
01:07:18.833 --> 01:07:19.917
[King Guy chuckles]

1505
01:07:21.250 --> 01:07:22.292
[grunts]

1506
01:07:22.292 --> 01:07:25.917
I stood up too fast. I'm all <i>désorienté.</i>

1507
01:07:25.917 --> 01:07:27.167
Take it slow, sire.

1508
01:07:27.167 --> 01:07:28.958
- Come on, I will dress you.
- Thank you.

1509
01:07:28.958 --> 01:07:31.250
[moaning]

1510
01:07:35.458 --> 01:07:38.208
Oh, yes. [gasps]

1511
01:07:38.208 --> 01:07:40.500
[Quasi grunting]

1512
01:07:43.292 --> 01:07:45.167
Torture me with your body.

1513
01:07:45.667 --> 01:07:48.625
Yeah. Mmm. Okay.

1514
01:07:50.667 --> 01:07:53.083
[moans, gasps]

1515
01:07:53.083 --> 01:07:55.500
- You want another?
- Please.

1516
01:07:55.500 --> 01:07:59.250
We shall kill Mr. Modo before
he has a chance to blab of our plan.

1517
01:07:59.250 --> 01:08:00.625
[Pope Cornelius, King Guy shout]

1518
01:08:00.625 --> 01:08:03.583
Guy, what are you doing up?
It's half past the cock's crow.

1519
01:08:03.583 --> 01:08:07.000
I couldn't sleep,
so I decided to take a brisk walk.

1520
01:08:07.000 --> 01:08:09.750
I seem to remember you
being able to sleep through anything.

1521
01:08:09.750 --> 01:08:11.583
Well, what are you doing up?

1522
01:08:11.583 --> 01:08:17.792
I am going to administer last rites
to the prisoner, as is God's wish.

1523
01:08:17.792 --> 01:08:20.917
Oh, last rites. I've always wanted to see
what that's about.

1524
01:08:20.917 --> 01:08:24.875
Ooh, sorry. Final confession
is only between sheep and shepherd.

1525
01:08:24.875 --> 01:08:26.000
Well, I want to know, too.

1526
01:08:26.000 --> 01:08:28.000
God would like you to fuck off
and go back to bed.

1527
01:08:28.000 --> 01:08:29.292
My dungeon, my rules.

1528
01:08:29.292 --> 01:08:30.792
[Pope Cornelius grunting]

1529
01:08:32.417 --> 01:08:34.125
- Um, question.
- Mmm.

1530
01:08:34.125 --> 01:08:37.625
If you and I are cousins,
does not that make me royalty?

1531
01:08:37.625 --> 01:08:42.333
Yes. You are in the line of kings.

1532
01:08:43.042 --> 01:08:45.542
Now, enter me with your royal member.

1533
01:08:45.542 --> 01:08:51.583
My lady, I'm new at this.
Enter you... where?

1534
01:08:56.208 --> 01:08:57.250
[King Guy] <i>Qu'est-ce que c'est</i>?

1535
01:09:02.375 --> 01:09:03.917
[Catherine moaning]

1536
01:09:04.583 --> 01:09:07.250
[Quasi moaning]

1537
01:09:12.750 --> 01:09:13.958
Oh, no!

1538
01:09:13.958 --> 01:09:16.625
- My queen!
- [panting]

1539
01:09:16.625 --> 01:09:18.125
Thank God you're finally here.

1540
01:09:18.125 --> 01:09:20.083
- What happened?
- [groans]

1541
01:09:20.083 --> 01:09:24.542
Well, he called to me with his siren song.
I was hypnotized.

1542
01:09:24.542 --> 01:09:27.125
I have heard tell
of the sweet song of the hunchback.

1543
01:09:27.125 --> 01:09:31.208
Then he strapped me here and left
hours ago. So many, many hours.

1544
01:09:32.667 --> 01:09:34.750
- [King Guy] Let's go!
- [Pope Cornelius] Out of the way!

1545
01:09:37.125 --> 01:09:40.000
Okay, fine.

1546
01:09:41.750 --> 01:09:42.958
Assholes.

1547
01:09:47.375 --> 01:09:50.000
That was something.

1548
01:09:50.000 --> 01:09:53.250
Indeed. Yes, you must be so relieved
that the queen is safe.

1549
01:09:53.250 --> 01:09:54.625
Of course, of course.

1550
01:09:54.625 --> 01:09:58.708
But you must be terrified with that
lumpy little maniac on the loose.

1551
01:09:58.708 --> 01:10:01.292
Why should I be terrified?
You should be terrified, not me.

1552
01:10:01.292 --> 01:10:05.042
I'm not terrified. You heard the queen.
He's long gone.

1553
01:10:05.042 --> 01:10:07.083
There's no way we're going to...

1554
01:10:07.083 --> 01:10:08.417
Catch him.

1555
01:10:08.417 --> 01:10:09.917
[Pope Cornelius] Ah, yes, of course.

1556
01:10:09.917 --> 01:10:12.250
So it's really no big deal then
if we never do...

1557
01:10:12.250 --> 01:10:14.000
Find him.

1558
01:10:16.208 --> 01:10:18.208
- [whispering] Find him and kill him.
- [whispering] What?

1559
01:10:18.958 --> 01:10:21.000
[whispering] Find that little shit
and kill him.

1560
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:23.125
[whispering] You want me
to go take a shit?

1561
01:10:23.125 --> 01:10:24.542
Why? Do you have to?

1562
01:10:24.542 --> 01:10:26.500
- I don't have to.
- Then why would you?

1563
01:10:26.500 --> 01:10:30.500
Find him
and catch him so he does not speak.

1564
01:10:30.500 --> 01:10:32.333
Bind his ankles to his cheeks?

1565
01:10:32.333 --> 01:10:33.375
Quasi.

1566
01:10:33.375 --> 01:10:35.417
- Oh, the little hunchback?
- Yes.

1567
01:10:35.417 --> 01:10:39.250
You can't call them hunchback.
You have to say orthopedically challenged.

1568
01:10:39.250 --> 01:10:42.000
- My apologies. Yes.
- No, no, no, it's a whole, you know.

1569
01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:43.333
- [chuckles]
- [Claude] Yes.

1570
01:10:48.375 --> 01:10:50.375
[normal voice] Weird weather we're having.

1571
01:10:50.375 --> 01:10:54.667
[normal voice] I know, I know,
we were just saying that. So weird, weird.

1572
01:10:55.375 --> 01:10:56.792
[goat bleats]

1573
01:10:56.792 --> 01:10:57.875
[whistling]

1574
01:11:00.500 --> 01:11:02.917
Ah, garlic, I-- Mmm.

1575
01:11:02.917 --> 01:11:04.750
You know what would be great?
Maybe some Brie.

1576
01:11:06.708 --> 01:11:08.750
Oh, these top shelves are so handy.

1577
01:11:11.000 --> 01:11:12.000
Michel.

1578
01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:13.375
Quasi.

1579
01:11:13.375 --> 01:11:15.333
Whoa, you are fuckin' tall, <i>mon frére.</i>

1580
01:11:15.333 --> 01:11:19.250
Things are very <i>dangereuse,</i> Quasi.
[speaking French]

1581
01:11:19.250 --> 01:11:22.750
Then it's <i>dangereuse</i> for Duchamp as well.
I need to warn him.

1582
01:11:22.750 --> 01:11:27.625
Let's rendezvous at Dupont Fork
in one hour.

1583
01:11:27.625 --> 01:11:30.542
I'm rendezvousing
with Queen Catherine there as well.

1584
01:11:31.458 --> 01:11:34.125
Name drop much? [chuckles]

1585
01:11:36.667 --> 01:11:39.000
[gasps] Duchamp! <i>Mon Dieu!</i>

1586
01:11:41.250 --> 01:11:43.417
Duchamp, I am so sorry.

1587
01:11:43.417 --> 01:11:45.083
[Duchamp groans]

1588
01:11:45.958 --> 01:11:47.542
Holy shit, it's bright.

1589
01:11:47.542 --> 01:11:50.000
- Du! Get up.
- [groaning]

1590
01:11:50.000 --> 01:11:52.583
- Oh, my fuckin' head.
- Get up!

1591
01:11:52.583 --> 01:11:56.417
Oh, God.
What are you, weighing in at 19 stone?

1592
01:11:56.417 --> 01:12:02.000
Okay. My balance is-- is-- is-- <i>fakakte</i>.
Okay. Oh, Jesus.

1593
01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:03.458
- Are you drunk?
- [Duchamp] Hold on.

1594
01:12:03.458 --> 01:12:05.458
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be in that cave?

1595
01:12:05.458 --> 01:12:10.083
Du, so many incredible things have
happened since we saw each other last.

1596
01:12:10.083 --> 01:12:11.292
Oh, yeah, let me guess.

1597
01:12:11.292 --> 01:12:13.667
You won another lottery,
and you rode a dragon

1598
01:12:13.667 --> 01:12:16.333
- to the top of <i>Mont</i> Ménage à Trois.
- No.

1599
01:12:16.333 --> 01:12:18.125
- You sixty-nined a unicorn.
- No.

1600
01:12:18.125 --> 01:12:19.833
You slid down a rainbow
into a chocolate river.

1601
01:12:19.833 --> 01:12:21.125
- Okay--
- Where there was an orgy.

1602
01:12:21.125 --> 01:12:22.250
- Okay, Duch--
- With wizards.

1603
01:12:22.250 --> 01:12:25.458
No. I was captured by the king.

1604
01:12:25.458 --> 01:12:29.292
And then, my new lover,
Queen Catherine, freed me.

1605
01:12:29.292 --> 01:12:31.792
We're running away together
to the Amalfi Coast.

1606
01:12:31.792 --> 01:12:34.375
And then,
it's off to Barcelona in wintertime.

1607
01:12:34.375 --> 01:12:35.750
Listen to yourself.

1608
01:12:35.750 --> 01:12:37.458
My new lover, Queen Catherine?

1609
01:12:37.458 --> 01:12:39.292
- Yeah.
- Barcelona?

1610
01:12:39.292 --> 01:12:41.542
Oh, I also learned
that I'm cousin to the queen.

1611
01:12:41.542 --> 01:12:42.625
Oh, come on!

1612
01:12:42.625 --> 01:12:44.250
Okay, look, we gotta go.

1613
01:12:44.250 --> 01:12:46.667
You're lucky the guards didn't grab you
at the cave last night.

1614
01:12:46.667 --> 01:12:48.083
I have no idea how they found me.

1615
01:12:48.083 --> 01:12:51.167
Only the queen, Michel,
and you knew about that cave.

1616
01:12:51.167 --> 01:12:53.458
But none of you
would ever tell anybody about that.

1617
01:12:53.458 --> 01:12:56.792
Well, I-I-- I may have told one person.

1618
01:12:57.375 --> 01:12:58.625
What?

1619
01:12:58.625 --> 01:13:01.667
And that person may have been Lucien.

1620
01:13:01.667 --> 01:13:03.083
Why would you do that?

1621
01:13:03.083 --> 01:13:05.167
'Cause the plan didn't work.

1622
01:13:05.708 --> 01:13:08.292
I was supposed to be the hero,
but you were!

1623
01:13:08.292 --> 01:13:12.833
And then I went to the cave, and I saw you
in there with the queen, laughing.

1624
01:13:12.833 --> 01:13:15.875
So you told Lucien?
Didn't you realize what would happen?

1625
01:13:15.875 --> 01:13:17.167
That was my ticket.

1626
01:13:17.167 --> 01:13:19.958
Duchamp, you betrayed me.

1627
01:13:19.958 --> 01:13:23.083
I used to be the big swinging dick
in this relationship.

1628
01:13:23.083 --> 01:13:27.250
You were just sad, lonely Quasi,
and I was big, jolly Duchamp.

1629
01:13:27.250 --> 01:13:28.583
Everyone knew my name.

1630
01:13:29.083 --> 01:13:32.292
"How's it hangin', Champ?
What's up, Duch?"

1631
01:13:32.292 --> 01:13:35.042
I didn't have to be your friend.
I took pity on you.

1632
01:13:35.042 --> 01:13:38.292
Okay, well,
let me tell you something, Duchamp.

1633
01:13:39.583 --> 01:13:42.083
You may have once been
the big swinging dick,

1634
01:13:42.083 --> 01:13:45.458
but now that big swinging dick
has swung back in the other direction.

1635
01:13:45.458 --> 01:13:47.500
And I can tell you one thing for sure.

1636
01:13:47.500 --> 01:13:49.625
I never would have betrayed
my best friend.

1637
01:13:49.625 --> 01:13:51.958
Well, that's perfect,
'cause we're not best friends.

1638
01:13:51.958 --> 01:13:53.833
You put a knife in my back.

1639
01:13:57.000 --> 01:13:58.417
- [Quasi shouts]
- [guard] Get him!

1640
01:14:05.875 --> 01:14:06.875
Stop him!

1641
01:14:06.875 --> 01:14:08.750
[grunting]

1642
01:14:14.833 --> 01:14:16.542
- [grunting]
- [guard] Get him!

1643
01:14:22.667 --> 01:14:23.833
[grunts]

1644
01:14:26.917 --> 01:14:27.917
[guard shouts]

1645
01:14:35.875 --> 01:14:38.167
[shouts, groans]

1646
01:14:41.583 --> 01:14:42.750
[shouts]

1647
01:14:51.333 --> 01:14:52.417
Merde!

1648
01:15:07.125 --> 01:15:10.875
Let go of me! Let go of me!
Hey! Let go of me! [grunts]

1649
01:15:10.875 --> 01:15:12.000
[groans]

1650
01:15:14.167 --> 01:15:15.625
Get off of me!

1651
01:15:15.625 --> 01:15:18.542
Oh, God, I'm so hungover. Come on.

1652
01:15:25.250 --> 01:15:29.500
Behold, the best friend
to the criminal Quasi.

1653
01:15:29.500 --> 01:15:30.917
What? We're not friends.

1654
01:15:30.917 --> 01:15:33.375
I stopped him from killing the king.
I was the hero.

1655
01:15:33.375 --> 01:15:34.458
What are you talking about?

1656
01:15:34.458 --> 01:15:37.125
Up there on the stage. I stopped him.

1657
01:15:37.125 --> 01:15:38.458
Does anyone here remember that?

1658
01:15:38.458 --> 01:15:41.792
I definitely remember
the handsome hunchback.

1659
01:15:41.792 --> 01:15:44.125
Are you kidding me?
It happened right there.

1660
01:15:44.125 --> 01:15:46.375
Where is the hunchback?

1661
01:15:46.917 --> 01:15:48.000
I have no idea.

1662
01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:52.625
Well, perhaps a public torturing at
the coronation will refresh your memory.

1663
01:15:55.875 --> 01:15:59.542
Unless, of course,
the hunchback is here listening.

1664
01:16:01.375 --> 01:16:05.208
Perhaps he'd like to show himself
to save his best friend.

1665
01:16:05.958 --> 01:16:10.250
I told you, he's not my friend.
I hate that twisted, creepy virgin.

1666
01:16:10.250 --> 01:16:11.625
[Quasi] He's not a virgin anymore!

1667
01:16:11.625 --> 01:16:14.375
Who said that? Show yourself.

1668
01:16:15.542 --> 01:16:17.167
- Enough. Take him away.
- [guard] Yes, sire.

1669
01:16:17.167 --> 01:16:21.292
Wait, hold on, okay, hold on. We can talk
about this, right? Hold on. Hold on.

1670
01:16:21.292 --> 01:16:24.500
[groans] Leave me alone.
Where are you taking me?

1671
01:16:24.500 --> 01:16:27.333
Stop! Stop it! [shouts]

1672
01:16:45.292 --> 01:16:46.292
[grunts]

1673
01:16:46.917 --> 01:16:47.917
Michel.

1674
01:16:47.917 --> 01:16:49.250
Ah, Quasi. How'd you see me?

1675
01:16:49.250 --> 01:16:51.583
What are you talking about? I see
your head sticking out of the bush.

1676
01:16:51.583 --> 01:16:52.792
You should try hiding.

1677
01:16:52.792 --> 01:16:55.500
I am hiding. I'm behind a bush.
It's like the tallest bush in the forest.

1678
01:16:55.500 --> 01:16:57.208
Yeah, okay, come on. We gotta go.

1679
01:16:59.000 --> 01:17:01.125
We have a long journey ahead of us.

1680
01:17:01.625 --> 01:17:03.500
Here, I think it's this way. Yeah.

1681
01:17:04.708 --> 01:17:06.750
Hey, I brought a little food
for our journey.

1682
01:17:08.708 --> 01:17:11.000
[gasps] You're bleeding.

1683
01:17:11.000 --> 01:17:16.208
Oh, yeah. It was a knife from the guards.
Stuck in the fatty deposit of my hump.

1684
01:17:16.208 --> 01:17:17.875
Thank goodness for this thing, huh?

1685
01:17:19.500 --> 01:17:21.042
[gasps] The queen.

1686
01:17:21.042 --> 01:17:22.125
Catherine.

1687
01:17:22.125 --> 01:17:23.833
I saw your friend's head above the brush.

1688
01:17:23.833 --> 01:17:25.250
I don't think it was me.

1689
01:17:25.250 --> 01:17:26.708
[sighs]

1690
01:17:29.625 --> 01:17:30.667
You guys weren't kidding.

1691
01:17:30.667 --> 01:17:32.250
[both moan]

1692
01:17:32.250 --> 01:17:34.958
Oh, my, you're particularly ripe today.

1693
01:17:34.958 --> 01:17:36.458
It's been a busy day.

1694
01:17:36.458 --> 01:17:37.833
[sighs]

1695
01:17:39.000 --> 01:17:40.667
Oh, my God. You're wounded.

1696
01:17:40.667 --> 01:17:43.667
Oh, no, no, no. I'm fine.
My hump stopped the guard's knife.

1697
01:17:43.667 --> 01:17:45.375
Thank goodness for your hump!

1698
01:17:45.375 --> 01:17:46.583
My hump is great!

1699
01:17:46.583 --> 01:17:49.042
Oh, now you're free
to go start your new life.

1700
01:17:49.708 --> 01:17:50.875
Here are your supplies.

1701
01:17:50.875 --> 01:17:53.500
But you're not coming?

1702
01:17:53.500 --> 01:17:55.292
They know you're alive.

1703
01:17:55.958 --> 01:17:58.583
If I go with you, they'll undoubtedly
find us and kill us both.

1704
01:17:59.500 --> 01:18:01.792
I will stay
and go through with the coronation.

1705
01:18:01.792 --> 01:18:03.875
The king killed his last wife.

1706
01:18:03.875 --> 01:18:07.292
He'll need me for a while
to solidify his alliance.

1707
01:18:07.292 --> 01:18:11.125
Before I become obsolete, perhaps
I can find a way to change my fortunes.

1708
01:18:11.125 --> 01:18:12.417
I cannot let you do this.

1709
01:18:12.417 --> 01:18:15.000
There's no other way. You must go now.

1710
01:18:15.500 --> 01:18:17.292
The ferryman waits for you
at Canard's Crossing.

1711
01:18:17.292 --> 01:18:19.208
He will go without you.

1712
01:18:19.208 --> 01:18:20.667
Here's some money.

1713
01:18:20.667 --> 01:18:21.750
Catherine.

1714
01:18:21.750 --> 01:18:23.542
You must go now. Please.

1715
01:18:23.542 --> 01:18:26.500
What about Barcelona?

1716
01:18:26.500 --> 01:18:29.125
Perhaps Barcelona is in our future.

1717
01:18:30.250 --> 01:18:34.000
But for now, farewell, Quasi.

1718
01:18:54.292 --> 01:18:55.292
We should get going.

1719
01:18:55.292 --> 01:18:58.083
- Where's Duchamp?
- Captured by the guards.

1720
01:18:58.083 --> 01:19:00.917
Captured? Well, we have to go help him.
He'll be tortured.

1721
01:19:00.917 --> 01:19:03.542
- There is nothing we can do.
- He's your best friend.

1722
01:19:03.542 --> 01:19:05.125
He is not my best friend!

1723
01:19:05.125 --> 01:19:06.750
Well, he gave you
the winning lottery ticket.

1724
01:19:06.750 --> 01:19:07.958
That sounds like a best friend.

1725
01:19:07.958 --> 01:19:10.792
He helped you fake your death to save
your life. That sounds like a best friend.

1726
01:19:10.792 --> 01:19:14.833
He betrayed me, and the last thing he said
when he was captured by the guards

1727
01:19:14.833 --> 01:19:16.292
was that he was not my friend.

1728
01:19:16.292 --> 01:19:19.458
And he called me a creepy, twisted virgin.

1729
01:19:20.542 --> 01:19:22.042
I am not a virgin anymore!

1730
01:19:22.042 --> 01:19:26.250
- Who'd you have sex with?
- <i>Bonjour</i>, read the room.

1731
01:19:26.250 --> 01:19:27.333
[gasps]

1732
01:19:28.333 --> 01:19:29.500
- Yeah.
- Quasi,

1733
01:19:29.500 --> 01:19:32.667
of course, Duchamp said mean things
about you so you wouldn't try to help him.

1734
01:19:32.667 --> 01:19:39.167
He said it to save you
because he is your best friend.

1735
01:19:43.292 --> 01:19:44.292
Fuck him.

1736
01:19:49.125 --> 01:19:51.542
[crowd cheering]

1737
01:20:01.833 --> 01:20:07.042
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the coronation of your new queen!

1738
01:20:07.042 --> 01:20:09.125
[cheering continues]

1739
01:20:14.375 --> 01:20:18.917
Why am I walking? I am the guest of honor.
I should be in a gilded carriage.

1740
01:20:18.917 --> 01:20:20.875
You're lucky you were even invited.

1741
01:20:24.292 --> 01:20:27.417
Sire, what have you heard
of the escaped hunchback?

1742
01:20:27.417 --> 01:20:30.958
No news. Apparently, he's in the wind.

1743
01:20:30.958 --> 01:20:34.208
Yes, he seems gone,
so you have nothing to worry about

1744
01:20:34.708 --> 01:20:36.875
until your husband leaves you
face down in a moat.

1745
01:20:36.875 --> 01:20:38.625
Oh, pretty flowers, yes.

1746
01:20:38.625 --> 01:20:40.333
I beg your pardon, Holy One?

1747
01:20:40.917 --> 01:20:42.667
JK, JK.

1748
01:21:00.542 --> 01:21:02.667
And now, on to the entertainment.

1749
01:21:02.667 --> 01:21:04.792
We have a delightful opening act.

1750
01:21:05.625 --> 01:21:10.750
The torture and disembowelment
of the traitor Duchamp Rousseau.

1751
01:21:10.750 --> 01:21:13.167
[crowd cheering]

1752
01:21:13.167 --> 01:21:14.458
Get off of me.

1753
01:21:16.375 --> 01:21:19.042
[groaning] Get off!

1754
01:21:19.042 --> 01:21:20.583
[crowd member] You traitor!

1755
01:21:21.167 --> 01:21:22.833
That's Quasi's hut mate.

1756
01:21:22.833 --> 01:21:25.333
Um, apparently,
he needed a place closer to town,

1757
01:21:25.333 --> 01:21:27.708
and Quasi needed somebody
to share the rent or something like that.

1758
01:21:28.417 --> 01:21:31.333
This will all be over quickly
if you just tell us what we want to know.

1759
01:21:31.333 --> 01:21:35.417
Ha! I torture people for a living.
You guys are amateurs.

1760
01:21:35.417 --> 01:21:42.208
As you wish. I will ask you again.
Duchamp Rousseau, where is the hunchback?

1761
01:21:42.208 --> 01:21:45.875
Suck <i>mon</i> dick.

1762
01:21:45.875 --> 01:21:48.042
[crowd jeering, laughing]

1763
01:21:49.458 --> 01:21:52.458
Well, that should be quite easy to do

1764
01:21:52.458 --> 01:21:54.833
with your scrotum nailed
to that tree stump.

1765
01:21:54.833 --> 01:21:56.500
- Guards.
- [cheering]

1766
01:21:56.500 --> 01:21:57.917
What?

1767
01:21:57.917 --> 01:22:00.667
[chanting] Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!

1768
01:22:00.667 --> 01:22:02.333
Hold on a second, guys, hold on.

1769
01:22:02.333 --> 01:22:04.042
Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!

1770
01:22:05.250 --> 01:22:06.958
[groaning]

1771
01:22:06.958 --> 01:22:09.583
Ow, ow, ow, okay, okay, hold on.
You don't have to do this.

1772
01:22:10.458 --> 01:22:12.875
- [shouting]
- [crowd groaning]

1773
01:22:12.875 --> 01:22:14.417
[groaning]

1774
01:22:14.417 --> 01:22:16.208
Ooh, I feel it in my balls.

1775
01:22:16.208 --> 01:22:17.583
I feel it in my throat.

1776
01:22:17.583 --> 01:22:18.667
And how does that feel?

1777
01:22:18.667 --> 01:22:21.417
[groans] Frankly, it tickles.

1778
01:22:21.417 --> 01:22:23.625
Ah, tickles. [chuckles]

1779
01:22:23.625 --> 01:22:25.458
Guards, prepare the disembowelment.

1780
01:22:25.458 --> 01:22:27.625
[cheering]

1781
01:22:29.417 --> 01:22:30.500
Oh, boy.

1782
01:22:30.500 --> 01:22:34.042
Your Majesty, surely we should not mar
our joyful celebration

1783
01:22:34.042 --> 01:22:35.125
with such barbarism.

1784
01:22:35.125 --> 01:22:38.333
Oh, poppet,
do let us have a little bit of fun.

1785
01:22:41.500 --> 01:22:42.917
[Quasi] <i>Bonjour</i>, assholes.

1786
01:22:45.792 --> 01:22:47.667
- [crowd gasps]
- [Duchamp gasps]

1787
01:22:47.667 --> 01:22:49.167
[Quasi grunting]

1788
01:22:49.167 --> 01:22:51.167
- [Henri] Oh.
- [crowd gasps, murmurs]

1789
01:22:51.167 --> 01:22:54.667
Why don't you "douchebaguettes"
pick on someone half your size?

1790
01:22:54.667 --> 01:22:55.917
[crowd cheering]

1791
01:22:55.917 --> 01:22:57.458
- Quasi!
- Hunchback.

1792
01:23:00.792 --> 01:23:02.417
<i>Mon Dieu!</i>

1793
01:23:02.417 --> 01:23:05.208
Did you nail his scrotum to a tree stump?

1794
01:23:05.208 --> 01:23:06.708
What is wrong with you people?

1795
01:23:06.708 --> 01:23:12.333
Hunchback, you've taken our bait.
You're far outnumbered. Guards!

1796
01:23:13.000 --> 01:23:14.625
[groans]

1797
01:23:14.625 --> 01:23:15.583
[crowd gasps]

1798
01:23:15.583 --> 01:23:16.958
[Michel shouts]

1799
01:23:16.958 --> 01:23:18.208
[guard shouts]

1800
01:23:18.208 --> 01:23:19.750
- Hi, guys.
- Michel!

1801
01:23:19.750 --> 01:23:21.750
- Is that your scrotum?
- Yeah.

1802
01:23:21.750 --> 01:23:23.375
[Catherine panting]

1803
01:23:24.000 --> 01:23:25.833
Hurry, Quasi. Release your friend.

1804
01:23:26.583 --> 01:23:29.042
- What?
- Yes, get me out of here. [groans]

1805
01:23:29.042 --> 01:23:31.250
- [Quasi] Hang on.
- Shoot me and your alliance dies, Guy.

1806
01:23:31.250 --> 01:23:33.375
Let's not shoot the queen then.

1807
01:23:33.375 --> 01:23:36.167
- We gotta go.
- There. That's it. [screaming]

1808
01:23:36.167 --> 01:23:37.500
- Hold on. [screams]
- [Michel] What?

1809
01:23:37.500 --> 01:23:38.750
- [crowd groans]
- Ooh.

1810
01:23:38.750 --> 01:23:40.625
Sire, shall we kill the others?

1811
01:23:40.625 --> 01:23:44.167
No. Capture them alive
so we can torture them together.

1812
01:23:44.167 --> 01:23:45.458
Of course, sire.

1813
01:23:45.458 --> 01:23:47.583
Send a warning shot.
Shoot over their heads.

1814
01:23:47.583 --> 01:23:49.958
- Yes, milord.
- Oh, boy. [shouting]

1815
01:23:49.958 --> 01:23:52.083
- [gasps] Ooh.
- [groans]

1816
01:23:52.083 --> 01:23:53.833
Get the nail out. [screams]

1817
01:23:54.667 --> 01:23:55.708
- [crowd screams]
- [grunts]

1818
01:23:55.708 --> 01:23:58.167
[both] No, Michel!

1819
01:23:58.167 --> 01:23:59.333
Why?

1820
01:24:01.125 --> 01:24:02.708
Whoops.

1821
01:24:02.708 --> 01:24:04.292
I said shoot over their heads.

1822
01:24:04.292 --> 01:24:06.417
I don't think any of us
thought he was that tall.

1823
01:24:06.417 --> 01:24:07.958
[panting]

1824
01:24:07.958 --> 01:24:09.583
Michel, hang in there.

1825
01:24:10.667 --> 01:24:14.542
In the seven-course meal of life,
this is my crème brûlée.

1826
01:24:15.583 --> 01:24:17.292
- So promise me something.
- Name it.

1827
01:24:17.292 --> 01:24:20.917
I've never seen the equal of
the friendship that you and Duchamp share.

1828
01:24:21.583 --> 01:24:25.958
You are best friends.
Promise me that you will be forever.

1829
01:24:25.958 --> 01:24:28.542
[sniffles]
I promise we will be best friends.

1830
01:24:28.542 --> 01:24:29.875
As do I.

1831
01:24:29.875 --> 01:24:31.833
Not BFs, but BFFs.

1832
01:24:31.833 --> 01:24:33.542
[both] Forever.

1833
01:24:33.542 --> 01:24:35.667
You know,
I'm not even sure that that was my arrow.

1834
01:24:35.667 --> 01:24:37.208
I saw it come out of your crossbow.

1835
01:24:37.208 --> 01:24:39.125
You know what? That was Gregor's. Gregor!

1836
01:24:39.708 --> 01:24:42.583
Duchamp, Michel helped me realize

1837
01:24:42.583 --> 01:24:44.917
that when you told Henri
that you were not my friend,

1838
01:24:44.917 --> 01:24:50.625
you were doing it to save me
because you are my friend.

1839
01:24:51.958 --> 01:24:55.458
No, I wasn't. I was fucking pissed at you.

1840
01:24:56.083 --> 01:24:58.083
But that would have been really cool
if I thought of that.

1841
01:24:58.750 --> 01:24:59.750
I'm-- I'm sorry.

1842
01:25:00.333 --> 01:25:03.542
I'm not mad at you for what you did.
I'm mad at you for lying about it.

1843
01:25:03.542 --> 01:25:04.667
I'm really sorry, milord.

1844
01:25:04.667 --> 01:25:06.208
Sit in the carriage.
I'll talk to you later.

1845
01:25:06.208 --> 01:25:08.125
- What, now?
- Right now, yes. Go.

1846
01:25:08.125 --> 01:25:10.042
- I have a second request.
- Anything.

1847
01:25:10.042 --> 01:25:13.042
Please give me a proper
and thorough burial.

1848
01:25:13.833 --> 01:25:19.292
I don't want the animals eating me
for dinner. That would be ironic.

1849
01:25:20.833 --> 01:25:22.625
[Quasi sobs]

1850
01:25:22.625 --> 01:25:24.208
- No.
- No.

1851
01:25:24.208 --> 01:25:25.875
[both] No!

1852
01:25:26.375 --> 01:25:29.292
- [cackles]
- Well done.

1853
01:25:29.292 --> 01:25:34.333
Catherine, are you really in cahoots
with that hunchback?

1854
01:25:34.333 --> 01:25:36.375
Don't be so naïve, Guy.

1855
01:25:36.375 --> 01:25:39.542
Not only are they in "cahoosion,"
but she's clearly shagging the man.

1856
01:25:40.333 --> 01:25:41.750
That's <i>impossible</i>.

1857
01:25:41.750 --> 01:25:44.125
Oh, it's very <i>possible</i>.

1858
01:25:44.125 --> 01:25:48.667
- Oh! Hit that shit, Quasi. Hit that shit.
- [laughs] Yeah, right. Really?

1859
01:25:48.667 --> 01:25:51.167
No, sire, it's <i>impossible</i>.

1860
01:25:51.167 --> 01:25:54.667
Guards, take the hunchback's head.

1861
01:25:54.667 --> 01:25:56.208
[crowd gasps]

1862
01:25:56.208 --> 01:25:57.333
[grunting]

1863
01:25:57.333 --> 01:26:00.208
And use your dullest blade.

1864
01:26:00.208 --> 01:26:01.917
[cheering]

1865
01:26:04.500 --> 01:26:11.125
Such is the fate of the mangled,
lonely weirdo. Eh, Hunchback?

1866
01:26:11.125 --> 01:26:14.208
<i>Un. Deux.</i>

1867
01:26:16.458 --> 01:26:18.042
- <i>Trois!</i>
- [grunts]

1868
01:26:18.042 --> 01:26:19.333
Stop!

1869
01:26:19.333 --> 01:26:20.750
[crowd gasping, murmuring]

1870
01:26:20.750 --> 01:26:22.792
- He is royalty.
- What?

1871
01:26:22.792 --> 01:26:23.958
Fuck no!

1872
01:26:23.958 --> 01:26:27.083
The hunchback is
a member of the royal family.

1873
01:26:27.083 --> 01:26:31.042
He who lays a hand on him
shall pay the ultimate price.

1874
01:26:31.042 --> 01:26:32.875
Nonsense.

1875
01:26:33.583 --> 01:26:35.792
He bears the mark of the Gastineau.

1876
01:26:36.542 --> 01:26:37.917
[crowd gasps]

1877
01:26:37.917 --> 01:26:39.833
- Oh, look.
- Oh, but look at that. Yeah.

1878
01:26:39.833 --> 01:26:44.958
It can't be.
It must be dirt or a wine stain.

1879
01:26:44.958 --> 01:26:48.333
Are you sure it's not jelly?
Sometimes I get jelly on my shoulder.

1880
01:26:48.333 --> 01:26:52.250
Oh, he is of royal blood.

1881
01:26:54.125 --> 01:26:56.167
Oh, stand up and kill him anyway.

1882
01:26:56.167 --> 01:26:57.875
Wait, sire.

1883
01:26:59.250 --> 01:27:03.333
Is this how you treat a loyal subject who,
on your orders,

1884
01:27:03.333 --> 01:27:05.000
tried to assassinate the pope?

1885
01:27:05.000 --> 01:27:06.625
[crowd gasps]

1886
01:27:06.625 --> 01:27:07.833
I'm sorry, what's that now?

1887
01:27:07.833 --> 01:27:11.958
The king asked me to kill you,
oh, Holy One.

1888
01:27:11.958 --> 01:27:13.875
Guards, put his head on the stump.

1889
01:27:13.875 --> 01:27:15.458
Guards, hold.

1890
01:27:16.375 --> 01:27:22.167
Hunchback, are you saying
that the king ordered you to kill me?

1891
01:27:22.167 --> 01:27:24.125
- He did, Your Grace.
- [crowd gasps]

1892
01:27:24.125 --> 01:27:27.750
Just before you commanded me
to assassinate him.

1893
01:27:27.750 --> 01:27:28.792
[crowd gasps]

1894
01:27:28.792 --> 01:27:30.833
- You did what?
- [mutters]

1895
01:27:30.833 --> 01:27:33.417
That's enough. Papal guard, shoot his man.

1896
01:27:33.417 --> 01:27:34.708
What?

1897
01:27:34.708 --> 01:27:36.583
- [groans]
- [crowd gasps]

1898
01:27:36.583 --> 01:27:38.667
You just killed my man.

1899
01:27:38.667 --> 01:27:40.042
Oh, shit.

1900
01:27:40.042 --> 01:27:41.667
Guards, shoot his man.

1901
01:27:42.500 --> 01:27:43.750
[crowd gasps, screams]

1902
01:27:43.750 --> 01:27:46.583
Fuck you, Your Grace.

1903
01:27:47.250 --> 01:27:48.542
[groans, grunts]

1904
01:27:49.500 --> 01:27:53.792
Is this what you want?
Surely, you want more from a leader.

1905
01:27:53.792 --> 01:27:55.083
We're not sure!

1906
01:27:55.083 --> 01:27:56.458
And we know no other way!

1907
01:27:56.458 --> 01:27:57.833
There is another way.

1908
01:27:57.833 --> 01:28:01.750
I was once like you.
I thought I didn't matter.

1909
01:28:01.750 --> 01:28:05.958
But I've learned,
with the help of my friends...

1910
01:28:08.000 --> 01:28:09.083
that I do.

1911
01:28:09.083 --> 01:28:10.708
So do you.

1912
01:28:10.708 --> 01:28:11.833
He's kinda right.

1913
01:28:12.750 --> 01:28:19.708
If this sad, lonely hunchback
can sit at a table with the king

1914
01:28:19.708 --> 01:28:24.167
and dine on oysters, you can, too.

1915
01:28:24.167 --> 01:28:25.208
Oysters!

1916
01:28:25.208 --> 01:28:28.417
We can all eat oysters!

1917
01:28:28.417 --> 01:28:30.958
- [chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
- [chanting] Oysters! Oysters!

1918
01:28:30.958 --> 01:28:35.958
[crowd chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!

1919
01:28:35.958 --> 01:28:39.167
So this is that oyster chant
I've been hearing about.

1920
01:28:39.167 --> 01:28:40.625
What a catchy little ditty.

1921
01:28:40.625 --> 01:28:44.333
[crowd] Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!

1922
01:28:44.333 --> 01:28:46.042
Enough!

1923
01:28:46.042 --> 01:28:49.958
The next person to say "oysters"
will be disemboweled.

1924
01:28:51.083 --> 01:28:52.292
Oysters.

1925
01:28:52.292 --> 01:28:54.167
I want to say it was
that fellow in the green--

1926
01:28:54.167 --> 01:28:57.042
Oh! Who threw that?

1927
01:28:57.042 --> 01:28:59.125
- [both grunt]
- [Pope Cornelius] What, what? Oh!

1928
01:28:59.125 --> 01:29:00.583
[Catherine] Oh!

1929
01:29:01.625 --> 01:29:04.042
- As your king, I command you to stop.
- [clank]

1930
01:29:04.042 --> 01:29:05.417
Ow! Kettle in the stomach!

1931
01:29:05.417 --> 01:29:08.375
Eat shit, Guy! Quasi gets us!

1932
01:29:08.375 --> 01:29:10.375
Get control of your people.

1933
01:29:10.375 --> 01:29:12.625
How dare you come into my country and--

1934
01:29:12.625 --> 01:29:15.833
You know what? I've had just about enough
of you and your country.

1935
01:29:17.417 --> 01:29:18.417
[grunts]

1936
01:29:19.083 --> 01:29:20.083
- [shouts]
- [King Guy groans]

1937
01:29:20.083 --> 01:29:21.625
[crowd screams]

1938
01:29:22.542 --> 01:29:27.958
[groans] You can't stab me. I'm the king.

1939
01:29:27.958 --> 01:29:30.042
Well, now, you're a king on a stick.

1940
01:29:30.042 --> 01:29:31.417
[King Guy grunts]

1941
01:29:31.417 --> 01:29:32.542
- [crowd gasps]
- [Quasi grunts]

1942
01:29:32.542 --> 01:29:34.625
We all saw
that he was asking for it, right?

1943
01:29:34.625 --> 01:29:35.875
- I mean--
- [shouts]

1944
01:29:35.875 --> 01:29:37.583
- [gasps]
- [both gasp]

1945
01:29:38.458 --> 01:29:41.125
[groans] Goddamn it, I'm the pope.

1946
01:29:41.708 --> 01:29:43.875
Good luck finding a cool breeze in hell.

1947
01:29:43.875 --> 01:29:45.375
- [groans]
- [King Guy grunts]

1948
01:29:45.375 --> 01:29:50.208
None of this would have happened if
you weren't so jealous of my new alliance,

1949
01:29:50.208 --> 01:29:51.292
you prick.

1950
01:29:51.292 --> 01:29:52.625
You're the prick.

1951
01:29:53.125 --> 01:29:55.750
You were a prick when we dated,
and you're still a prick now.

1952
01:29:55.750 --> 01:29:56.792
- [crowd gasps]
- What?

1953
01:29:56.792 --> 01:29:58.292
[Stefan] Oh, poop!

1954
01:29:58.958 --> 01:30:00.625
I'm the prick?

1955
01:30:00.625 --> 01:30:04.458
You're the one who cheated on me
at <i>université</i> with Jacques Chouinard.

1956
01:30:04.458 --> 01:30:08.875
What? You cheated on me
at <i>université</i> with Jacques Chouinard.

1957
01:30:08.875 --> 01:30:10.083
What's happening?

1958
01:30:10.083 --> 01:30:15.167
- Who told you that? I loved you.
- [stammers]

1959
01:30:17.500 --> 01:30:20.208
And I... loved you.

1960
01:30:21.208 --> 01:30:23.000
[groans, grunts]

1961
01:30:23.000 --> 01:30:27.083
I still love you.

1962
01:30:27.083 --> 01:30:30.958
And I, you.

1963
01:30:31.792 --> 01:30:34.958
[grunting]

1964
01:30:40.375 --> 01:30:43.792
Whoa. That plot thickened a lot.

1965
01:30:44.750 --> 01:30:45.917
Du.

1966
01:30:45.917 --> 01:30:47.792
- Du! [grunts]
- [groans]

1967
01:30:47.792 --> 01:30:48.875
[Quasi] How you doing, Du?

1968
01:30:48.875 --> 01:30:51.750
[groans] Amateurs. They nailed me

1969
01:30:51.750 --> 01:30:53.833
- through the skin of the sack.
- So stupid.

1970
01:30:53.833 --> 01:30:56.042
A professional would have gone
right through the testicle.

1971
01:30:56.042 --> 01:30:58.208
Huh, I remember my first scrotum nailing.

1972
01:30:58.208 --> 01:30:59.667
- [chuckles] In fact...
- [laughing] Yeah.

1973
01:30:59.667 --> 01:31:00.833
...you were there, my old friend.

1974
01:31:00.833 --> 01:31:03.167
- I was, my old friend.
- Yeah.

1975
01:31:03.167 --> 01:31:05.208
- My old friend.
- Yeah. Yeah.

1976
01:31:05.208 --> 01:31:06.875
And I'm not just saying that
'cause of Michel.

1977
01:31:06.875 --> 01:31:09.125
- Ah.
- There is no Jerome.

1978
01:31:09.917 --> 01:31:11.667
You are my best friend.

1979
01:31:12.250 --> 01:31:13.458
And you mine.

1980
01:31:14.042 --> 01:31:18.000
I've never even been to Champagne.
I hear it's lovely.

1981
01:31:18.000 --> 01:31:19.333
- [sobs]
- [shushing]

1982
01:31:19.333 --> 01:31:22.792
Duchamp, we will go to Champagne together.

1983
01:31:23.417 --> 01:31:27.458
And we will drink much, much wine.

1984
01:31:27.458 --> 01:31:29.417
- [sobbing]
- [Quasi] Aw.

1985
01:31:31.875 --> 01:31:36.083
Subjects of France,
kneel before your new king.

1986
01:31:36.083 --> 01:31:38.542
- [crowd cheers]
- [crowd member 1] Yeah! King Quasi!

1987
01:31:40.458 --> 01:31:43.917
Come, Quasi. Your kingdom awaits you.

1988
01:31:43.917 --> 01:31:46.000
Go, go, my friend. [grunts]

1989
01:31:46.000 --> 01:31:48.125
We're not kneeling
because of the birthmark.

1990
01:31:48.125 --> 01:31:49.750
We like what he has to say.

1991
01:31:49.750 --> 01:31:51.292
[crowd cheering]

1992
01:31:51.292 --> 01:31:52.792
[crowd member 2] King Quasi!

1993
01:32:06.208 --> 01:32:07.542
Yeah!

1994
01:32:09.458 --> 01:32:13.500
[narrator] <i>And so it was,
a new king was crowned.</i>

1995
01:32:13.500 --> 01:32:17.708
<i>A king unlike any France had ever known.</i>

1996
01:32:18.417 --> 01:32:19.833
<i>And the country flourished,</i>

1997
01:32:20.833 --> 01:32:25.917
<i>for it was ruled by a king and queen
who valued merit, virtue,</i>

1998
01:32:25.917 --> 01:32:27.500
<i>and decency.</i>

1999
01:32:29.083 --> 01:32:32.250
<i>A king and queen of the people.</i>

2000
01:32:33.792 --> 01:32:35.125
- You like oysters?
- Of course.

2001
01:32:35.125 --> 01:32:37.250
Right, who doesn't? [laughs]

2002
01:32:40.125 --> 01:32:42.417
[clears throat] Hey. Hey.

2003
01:32:42.417 --> 01:32:43.708
- Yeah?
- Clean.

2004
01:32:43.708 --> 01:32:44.875
- Oh.
- Yeah.

2005
01:32:44.875 --> 01:32:46.417
- [speaking French]
- You got it.

2006
01:32:46.417 --> 01:32:48.208
- Down the hatch.
- Mm-hmm. [chuckles]

2007
01:32:49.417 --> 01:32:52.083
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm! Oh.

2008
01:32:52.083 --> 01:32:53.208
[speaking French]

2009
01:32:53.208 --> 01:32:55.125
- Food of kings.
- Yeah, yeah. And queens.

2010
01:32:55.125 --> 01:32:56.625
- Oh!
- Oh.

2011
01:32:56.625 --> 01:32:57.875
[all laugh]

2012
01:32:57.875 --> 01:32:58.958
Hold on a second.

2013
01:32:59.583 --> 01:33:02.292
- Oysters! Oysters!
- Oysters!

2014
01:33:02.292 --> 01:33:08.125
[all chanting] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!

2015
01:33:08.125 --> 01:33:11.000
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!

2016
01:33:11.000 --> 01:33:14.292
[narrator]
<i>And their reign lasted many years,</i>

2017
01:33:14.292 --> 01:33:20.292
<i>and they conquered many foes
and ate many oysters.</i>

2018
01:33:21.042 --> 01:33:24.208
<i>But that is a different story.</i>

2019
01:34:32.083 --> 01:34:33.833
Look at how these guys do it.
See how they do it?

2020
01:34:33.833 --> 01:34:35.625
- Here, do you wanna go?
- Oh, no, go. You're good.

2021
01:34:35.625 --> 01:34:37.000
- Okay.
- You're doing a great job.

2022
01:34:37.000 --> 01:34:43.167
May our dear friend, Michel Domeck,
forever rest in peace and find happiness.

2023
01:34:43.167 --> 01:34:45.542
Quasi, I think we need a bigger hole.

2024
01:34:45.542 --> 01:34:47.167
Oh, shit. Um...

2025
01:34:48.167 --> 01:34:49.750
Oh. Oops. [chuckles]

2026
01:34:49.750 --> 01:34:51.000
[Duchamp] Good?

2027
01:34:51.542 --> 01:34:52.792
Okay.

2028
01:34:52.792 --> 01:34:54.208
Okay, well...

2029
01:34:55.042 --> 01:34:56.042
We didn't quite get it.

2030
01:34:56.042 --> 01:34:57.500
Yeah, we're not good at this.

2031
01:34:57.500 --> 01:34:58.542
Not enough dirt.

2032
01:34:58.542 --> 01:35:00.125
- We got close, huh?
- Yeah, we did.

2033
01:35:55.667 --> 01:35:58.292
- [Kevin Heffernan] Action.
- Oh, can you bring a hollandaise sauce

2034
01:35:58.292 --> 01:35:59.375
for the hog anus?

2035
01:35:59.375 --> 01:36:01.667
Béarnaise sauce for the hog anus?

2036
01:36:01.667 --> 01:36:05.667
Oh, could you bring an au jus
for the hog anus, please?

2037
01:36:07.208 --> 01:36:08.583
- [Kevin Heffernan] All right, good?
- No.

2038
01:36:08.583 --> 01:36:12.542
Oh, could you bring some orange marmalade
for the hog anus, please?

2039
01:36:12.542 --> 01:36:16.458
Oh, could you bring some Cool Ranch
Doritos for the hog anus, please?

2040
01:36:17.250 --> 01:36:18.750
[sighs] Okay, now I'm done.

2041
01:36:18.750 --> 01:36:20.167
[crew laughs]

2042
01:36:20.167 --> 01:36:21.500
They know you're alive.

2043
01:36:22.083 --> 01:36:25.375
If I go with you,
they'll undoubtedly find me... [laughing]

2044
01:36:25.375 --> 01:36:26.833
...find us and kill us both.

2045
01:36:26.833 --> 01:36:29.583
- [Quasi] The king killed his last wife.
- I still have another line.

2046
01:36:29.583 --> 01:36:30.667
[Steve Lemme] Oh, sorry.

2047
01:36:31.333 --> 01:36:32.875
I find the horse very distracting.

2048
01:36:33.500 --> 01:36:35.083
He will go without you.

2049
01:36:35.083 --> 01:36:37.000
Now, here is some money.

2050
01:36:37.583 --> 01:36:40.667
But a word of caution.
Do not pay the ferryman--

2051
01:36:40.667 --> 01:36:43.375
- [Kevin Heffernan] Hold on a second.
- [set crew laughs]

2052
01:36:43.375 --> 01:36:45.250
[crew member]
I promise not to hit your nuts.

2053
01:36:46.500 --> 01:36:47.792
[crew laughs]

2054
01:36:47.792 --> 01:36:49.375
[crew member] I'm not aiming for them.

2055
01:36:50.417 --> 01:36:53.083
[crew laughs]

2056
01:36:53.083 --> 01:36:55.708
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.

2057
01:36:55.708 --> 01:36:57.417
- Oh, fuck.
- [crew laughs]

2058
01:36:57.417 --> 01:36:59.167
This is my second day. I...

2059
01:36:59.667 --> 01:37:02.292
It's not your second day.
I saw you in a previous scene.

2060
01:37:02.292 --> 01:37:04.708
- Cut. Fire him.
- [set crew laughs]

2061
01:37:04.708 --> 01:37:07.250
[Adrianne Palicki] Oh, oh. [laughs]

2062
01:37:07.250 --> 01:37:08.333
[crew chattering]

2063
01:37:08.333 --> 01:37:10.500
[Steve Lemme] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Cramp, cramp, cramp. Shit.

2064
01:37:10.500 --> 01:37:12.833
Jerome's cool, and his face is straight.

2065
01:37:12.833 --> 01:37:14.250
Is that-- Oh, really?

2066
01:37:14.250 --> 01:37:15.375
Yeah, mm-hmm.

2067
01:37:15.375 --> 01:37:16.958
[laughing] Okay.

2068
01:37:16.958 --> 01:37:19.500
[crew laughs]

2069
01:37:19.500 --> 01:37:21.083
A friend with a straight face?

2070
01:37:21.083 --> 01:37:22.833
- Come on. You don't have many of those.
- Yeah.

2071
01:37:22.833 --> 01:37:24.583
- I'll tell you that.
- Yeah, no-- No shit.

2072
01:37:25.750 --> 01:37:27.500
[crew laughs]

2073
01:37:27.500 --> 01:37:31.542
I can't help but notice all these
important looks you're throwing at him.

2074
01:37:32.208 --> 01:37:33.958
What the fuck is going on over here?

2075
01:37:33.958 --> 01:37:36.958
He'll be even more insufferable. [laughs]

2076
01:37:36.958 --> 01:37:39.125
- [Kevin Heffernan] Stick with it.
- Okay, I can't look at him.

2077
01:37:39.125 --> 01:37:40.458
[Lucien] Hey, shitbrain.

2078
01:37:40.458 --> 01:37:42.083
Hey, shampoo model.

2079
01:37:42.083 --> 01:37:43.667
Hey, muscular old lady.

2080
01:37:43.667 --> 01:37:45.292
- [set crew laughs]
- [Lucien] Oh, it's Pascal.

2081
01:37:45.292 --> 01:37:48.750
And I, m-mine.

2082
01:37:49.250 --> 01:37:51.833
- [laughing] Oh. Oh, my.
- [set crew laughs]

2083
01:37:51.833 --> 01:37:55.083
<i>♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪</i>

2084
01:37:55.083 --> 01:37:56.167
[Kevin Heffernan] Cut!

2085
01:37:56.167 --> 01:37:58.542
[cheering]

2086
01:38:57.958 --> 01:38:59.750
[dogs barking]

2087
01:39:02.667 --> 01:39:05.708
[snarling]





