WEBVTT FILE
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Florida, 1990.
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I woke up with a ferocious hangover.
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I placed my left hand across the bridge
of my nose to block the sunlight.
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A moth's wing fluttered
against my right cheek.
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I put my hand in front of my face
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so I could finger-flick
the little beastie across the room.
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That's when I noticed my pinkie.
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Auto animated.
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"For Christ's sake,
it's just your freaking finger."
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But it wasn't mine.
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Shit. It was somebody else's.
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Had I hit my head?
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The tape of the previous night's events
was grainy at best.
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Woody Harrelson was in the bar
the night before.
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Maybe we'd had
one of our legendary drunken fights.
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But I couldn't recall any such melee.
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I did recall how my bodyguard
had to prop me up against the doorframe
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while he fumbled the key into the door
of my suite.
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But I didn't feel any bumps. Fuck.
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00:02:19.014 --> 00:02:19.973 line:5%
Action!
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Action, Michael!
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Michael, Michael!
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Here is as hot as you get
in the history of this business.
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And the winner is Michael J. Fox.
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We're rolling.
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In the face of all evidence
to the contrary...
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- Very, very still. Mark.
- ...I was in an acid bath of fear...
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and professional insecurity.
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The trembling was a message...
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from the future.
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Everyone talks now
about owning their narrative.
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So, the sad sack story is,
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"Michael J. Fox gets this debilitating
disease, and it crushes him."
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Yeah, that's boring.
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My hair went curly,
like, at like, like, at 49.
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It never was curly,
and all of a sudden it went--
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I woke up one morning in Santa Barbara
and my hair was curly.
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00:04:05.162 --> 00:04:07.956
- I think it's a good look.
- I can put some jam in it.
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- No.
- I can put a hat on.
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It's just caring too much
about what I look like for a documentary.
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Yeah. It's you.
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Okay, now look at me.
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There you go.
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- Coming in.
- Uh-oh.
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Wha-- Guys, at a certain point it's just--
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- it just is what it is.
- Just right here.
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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- How you doing?
- Yeah, I'm doing good.
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Watch me.
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- How's your day going so far?
- So far?
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So far it's successful.
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Everyone knows you have Parkinson's,
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but when they see you walking,
they're like, "Oh, fuck."
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Yeah.
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Good. Stop and reset.
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Good. There we go.
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The walking thing
really freaks people out.
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Look.
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00:05:03.428 --> 00:05:05.097
But I won't hide it from you.
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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And you can do with it what you will.
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If you pity me,
it's never gonna get to me.
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I'm not pathetic.
I'm-- I got shit going on.
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Hi, how you doing?
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Take your time.
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I'm a tough son of a bitch.
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I'm a cockroach,
and I've been through a lot of stuff.
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- You can't kill a cockroach.
- Can't kill a cockroach.
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Nice and slowly, nice and slowly.
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There you go. Beautiful.
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- Hey, how are you?
- Good. How are you?
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Good. Stop and reset.
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Mr. Fox.
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That happened.
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- You got it?
- All right-- I'm okay. Thank you.
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Okay. Nice to meet you, sir.
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Nice to meet you.
You knocked me off my feet.
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Before Parkinson's,
what did it mean to be still?
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I wouldn't know.
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I wouldn't know. I was never still.
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I can't pretend to remember
my two-year-old state of mind.
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Knee-high, weighing little more than
a wet beach towel, and slippery quick.
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But it's likely that my motive
in wandering out the back door
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was not to escape.
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More likely,
I failed to recognize boundaries.
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When the phone rang a few minutes later,
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the proprietor of the candy store tried
to contain his amusement.
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"Got your son here."
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I can easily picture my mother
in utter disbelief that I'd bolted.
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00:07:04.007 --> 00:07:05.217
"Let him have a candy or something.
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00:07:05.217 --> 00:07:07.553
My husband will be right there
to pick him up and pay for it."
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00:07:08.554 --> 00:07:09.972
"He's got money."
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"He's got quite a bit of money,
as a matter of fact."
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As a kid,
I lacked the faith required to be still.
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It is one of the great ironies in my life.
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I couldn't be still
until I could literally...
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no longer keep still.
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00:07:39.585 --> 00:07:42.588
When my baby sister arrived,
I wasn't jealous.
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What the hell, the more the merrier.
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But by the time I was six
and she was three, we were the same size.
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I have a specific memory
of being asked if we were twins,
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but once told that my twin
was actually three years younger,
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people's reactions changed.
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I realized that I was expected
to be bigger.
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00:08:03.483 --> 00:08:04.943
This was a new one on me.
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00:08:07.446 --> 00:08:09.156
I couldn't do "bigger."
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00:08:11.158 --> 00:08:13.285 line:5%
I was the shortest in my class.
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00:08:13.285 --> 00:08:15.704 line:5%
Shorter than any of the people
I played hockey with.
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I was the guy who'd climb down
into the grate and get the ball.
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00:08:20.834 --> 00:08:23.170 line:5%
But I used to get my ass kicked.
I was a little guy.
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I'd get stuffed in lockers.
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If big guys are purposely coming
after you, and then fucking hammering you...
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00:08:37.058 --> 00:08:40.770
But I'd always relied on my ability
to run from any potential bully.
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Just when the earth seemed
to be sliding out from beneath me,
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I stumbled onto a foothold.
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Drama class.
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That's where the girls were.
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And I was Rumpelstiltskin in a play.
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00:09:01.458 --> 00:09:03.877
- You were Rumpelstiltskin?
- I was Rumpelstiltskin, yeah.
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00:09:07.756 --> 00:09:10.217
You also looked five years younger.
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00:09:10.217 --> 00:09:12.886
Yeah, I was just a little elf.
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I was cute and elfin. I was a cute elf.
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A cute elf.
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In drama class, you could be big.
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In drama class, you could be anything.
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00:09:28.193 --> 00:09:30.779
But my head was up my ass
if you asked my father.
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00:09:32.281 --> 00:09:37.077
Dad was a pragmatist, determined to
protect his family from romantic fantasy.
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00:09:38.370 --> 00:09:42.374
He'd had dreams as a young boy, but they'd
been effectively knocked out of him.
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He had a certain amount of rage.
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You'd see his lip curl,
and you knew you were in trouble.
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Then you'd go, "Oh, shit. I'm fucked now."
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A call from the principal's office
meant a harsh reprimand from Dad.
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00:10:01.643 --> 00:10:04.938
And he'd say, "Goddamn it! Goddamn it."
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00:10:06.190 --> 00:10:09.067
I began to spend more
of my time smoking and drinking.
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00:10:09.651 --> 00:10:11.361
And I became a serial fender bender...
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inflicting damage to my dad's cars.
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00:10:17.868 --> 00:10:19.411
So, in his mind, you're a fuckup.
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00:10:20.621 --> 00:10:22.206
Yeah, a potential fuckup.
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Hey. Looking good.
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00:10:27.878 --> 00:10:31.423
These shoes are terrific.
Now I got a fighting chance.
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When I was 16,
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00:10:34.218 --> 00:10:37.304
my acting teacher
thrust a newspaper into my hands.
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00:10:37.304 --> 00:10:39.223
"They're looking for a bright
12-year-old kid,
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00:10:39.723 --> 00:10:42.351
and hell, you'd be the brightest
12-year-old kid they're ever gonna meet."
147
00:10:42.351 --> 00:10:45.812
But I'm gonna blow it, Leo.
All those people looking at me.
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We're ready for you in Makeup.
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00:10:49.441 --> 00:10:50.943
You're gonna make history, kid.
150
00:10:53.362 --> 00:10:55.030
Gotta grow an inch by Friday.
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00:10:55.697 --> 00:10:57.991
I got the part. It was that easy.
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00:10:58.992 --> 00:10:59.993
Basketball tryouts?
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00:10:59.993 --> 00:11:02.079
No. Penny Montgomery.
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00:11:02.079 --> 00:11:05.749
If I stand real close,
I can't see her face.
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00:11:08.544 --> 00:11:11.129
The casting director believed
I held an advantage.
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00:11:11.880 --> 00:11:14.132
American producers would be eager
to hire an actor
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00:11:14.132 --> 00:11:15.843
who looked young enough to play a kid.
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00:11:16.635 --> 00:11:20.222
But that meant moving to Hollywood
and dropping out of high school.
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00:11:22.933 --> 00:11:24.726
And that seemed inconceivable.
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00:11:26.854 --> 00:11:29.398
Dad,
"Are you sure this is what you wanna do?"
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00:11:30.274 --> 00:11:32.109
Me, "Absolutely."
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00:11:33.193 --> 00:11:34.403
"You're that confident?"
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00:11:35.195 --> 00:11:36.363
"Absolutely."
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00:11:39.658 --> 00:11:41.159
And then Dad shocked me.
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00:11:43.579 --> 00:11:45.831
"Well, if you're gonna be a lumberjack,
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you might as well go
to the goddamn forest."
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00:11:50.878 --> 00:11:52.629
So, secretly, he believed in you.
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Yeah.
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00:12:00.512 --> 00:12:02.222
Dad agreed to underwrite the adventure,
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putting the whole trip on his Visa card.
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00:12:39.760 --> 00:12:43.472
I remember thinking just how far Dad
and I had come over the past few weeks.
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He advised me that he'd just drive
to the appointments
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00:12:49.937 --> 00:12:51.688
and debrief me after each one.
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His way of signaling to me
that this was my show, not his.
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Hello.
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No, that's perfect.
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Every audition earned a callback,
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00:13:11.375 --> 00:13:13.877
and three of the callbacks produced
solid offers.
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00:13:16.463 --> 00:13:21.802
"You've got the world by the tail,"
Dad said. "Just hold on."
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My studio apartment was
in the slums of Beverly Hills.
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It's the prettiest house
I ever seen in my life.
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Well, I was just thinking I'm glad
you came home with me.
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The apartment was 17-by-12 feet.
One mattress, one hot plate,
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with a microscopic bathroom
and the domicile's one and only sink.
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I washed my hair with Palmolive
and my dishes with Head & Shoulders.
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00:14:02.259 --> 00:14:04.595
I really had a great time tonight.
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00:14:07.347 --> 00:14:10.267
I enlisted Ronald McDonald
as my exclusive nutritionist.
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00:14:15.981 --> 00:14:18.442
- We alone?
- Alone?
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00:14:19.443 --> 00:14:22.196
I mean, is your husband lurking about?
190
00:14:23.447 --> 00:14:25.407
But by the spring of 1982...
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00:14:25.407 --> 00:14:26.491
Schweitzer.
192
00:14:26.491 --> 00:14:28.410
...the scenario was grim.
193
00:14:28.410 --> 00:14:30.162
What's going on here? What is this?
194
00:14:30.162 --> 00:14:33.540
Please relax, Mr. Wyatt.
I'm going to examine your chest.
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00:14:33.540 --> 00:14:36.210
- Hey, is this a joke or something?
- Hi.
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00:14:36.210 --> 00:14:38.128
I continued to pick up acting jobs,
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00:14:39.171 --> 00:14:41.131
but they barely earned me enough
to live on.
198
00:14:42.049 --> 00:14:44.218
My agent took 10% of my paycheck.
199
00:14:44.218 --> 00:14:45.469
Your paycheck.
200
00:14:46.053 --> 00:14:48.680
And then there was the photographer,
publicist or lawyer.
201
00:14:49.515 --> 00:14:52.392
- It says "$1.25."
- Yeah, so?
202
00:14:52.392 --> 00:14:54.311
I'm telling you it's wrong.
It's a mistake!
203
00:14:55.229 --> 00:14:58.190
I worked hard for this. It's not fair.
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I worked too hard for this.
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00:15:00.609 --> 00:15:01.860
I began to liquidate.
206
00:15:02.694 --> 00:15:05.489
I sold off my sectional sofa
section by section.
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00:15:08.909 --> 00:15:12.996
I came close on a couple of movies.
Most notably, Ordinary People.
208
00:15:13.497 --> 00:15:16.458
But Robert Redford seemed less than
impressed by my reading.
209
00:15:17.042 --> 00:15:18.961
He spent the audition flossing his teeth.
210
00:15:21.547 --> 00:15:23.799
Why did they have to come here
in the first place?
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00:15:24.341 --> 00:15:26.385
The rejection can be so matter-of-fact
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00:15:26.927 --> 00:15:28.846
that there's a danger
you'll get numbed by it.
213
00:15:28.846 --> 00:15:31.890
Don't listen to those that
don't know what they're talking about.
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00:15:33.892 --> 00:15:35.185
I was down to days.
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00:15:37.855 --> 00:15:41.358
So, you're running out of
money. That's all that--
216
00:15:41.358 --> 00:15:45.821
I wa-- "Running out" is generous.
I had no money.
217
00:15:46.405 --> 00:15:48.866
- I was taking jam packets from IHOPs.
- What's that?
218
00:15:48.866 --> 00:15:50.826
- Like, just-- Smucker's.
219
00:15:50.826 --> 00:15:52.077
- Why?
- To eat.
220
00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:54.746
- Come on.
- And I wa--
221
00:15:54.746 --> 00:15:57.374
I was finding quarters
and nickels and dimes,
222
00:15:57.374 --> 00:16:00.377
and I'd use that to get to the next
moment. I was living beat to beat.
223
00:16:00.377 --> 00:16:03.297
And I said, "I gotta get out of here.
I have no money,
224
00:16:03.297 --> 00:16:07.467
and I owe the IRS money, and I'm
ducking the landlord, and I got no phone."
225
00:16:07.467 --> 00:16:09.595
I mean, I have to walk to the airport.
226
00:16:09.595 --> 00:16:12.222
- What was the expectation?
- I-- My expectation was,
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00:16:12.222 --> 00:16:13.807
my brother's
a construction superintendent,
228
00:16:13.807 --> 00:16:16.393
and I'd be working on his sites
picking up nails.
229
00:16:20.189 --> 00:16:21.732
But I still had a chip and a chair.
230
00:16:23.567 --> 00:16:24.693
A what?
231
00:16:24.693 --> 00:16:27.946
Playing poker, as long as you got
a chip left and a chair to sit in,
232
00:16:28.447 --> 00:16:30.365
you're in the game.
You got a chip and a chair.
233
00:16:37.497 --> 00:16:39.208
This was it. This was my last shot.
234
00:16:48.217 --> 00:16:50.469
"You gotta stop hawking me
about this kid,"
235
00:16:50.969 --> 00:16:54.348
producer Gary David Goldberg told
the casting director of his new sitcom.
236
00:16:54.348 --> 00:16:56.600
We don't wanna get into an area
where we're bringing someone on
237
00:16:56.600 --> 00:16:59.019
who's not funny. You know, and there's
not any comedy there.
238
00:16:59.019 --> 00:17:01.438
"There's no way
I'm gonna change my mind on this.
239
00:17:01.438 --> 00:17:03.023
He's just not our guy."
240
00:17:03.023 --> 00:17:06.527
I think we all feel
that Alex is super competent,
241
00:17:06.527 --> 00:17:09.905
you know, editor of the paper,
but sympathetic underneath.
242
00:17:10.948 --> 00:17:12.741
"I know what I want, and I'm telling you,
243
00:17:12.741 --> 00:17:15.577
I don't want Michael Fox
playing Alex Keaton."
244
00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:20.415
No. I want this job. I need it.
I can do it.
245
00:17:20.415 --> 00:17:22.709
Everywhere I've been,
there's always been something wrong.
246
00:17:22.709 --> 00:17:26.922
Too young, too old, too short, too tall.
Whatever the exception is, I can fix it.
247
00:17:26.922 --> 00:17:29.550
I can be older. I can be taller.
I can be anything.
248
00:17:33.262 --> 00:17:38.100
- Here we go. Ready? In five.
- Five, four, three, two!
249
00:17:43.272 --> 00:17:45.482
Wait, I'm sorry,
my script just went to pieces.
250
00:17:47.568 --> 00:17:49.444
- Where is it? Shit.
- Top of 11.
251
00:17:49.945 --> 00:17:51.613
"It's his first day of kindergarten, Mom.
252
00:17:51.613 --> 00:17:54.032
He doesn't wanna be late.
This could affect his entire life."
253
00:17:55.701 --> 00:17:58.996
"Mal's right. After all, this
is my alma mater. I am a legend there."
254
00:18:01.790 --> 00:18:04.126
And they laughed. And I just went--
255
00:18:04.668 --> 00:18:10.465
It was just, like... a wash of, like, "Wow."
256
00:18:10.465 --> 00:18:11.633
"I got one too."
257
00:18:16.930 --> 00:18:20.350
There's no drink, there's no drug,
there's no woman, there's no-- nothing
258
00:18:20.350 --> 00:18:23.187
that can touch that moment for me
as a 22-year-old guy
259
00:18:23.187 --> 00:18:26.064
who'd been fighting for three years
to make it.
260
00:18:26.732 --> 00:18:28.025
"Good, good, good, good, good."
261
00:18:30.861 --> 00:18:32.779
Laughter is-- You can't help it.
262
00:18:33.280 --> 00:18:35.073
I-- Like, I just found something,
263
00:18:35.073 --> 00:18:38.577
a way to communicate with you that
you didn't expect, you have no--
264
00:18:38.577 --> 00:18:41.663
you have no answer for it,
except to make a noise.
265
00:18:41.663 --> 00:18:42.748
"...kidding me? Come"--
266
00:18:47.961 --> 00:18:51.757
If you didn't have any, you'd have
to let air out. It's really honest.
267
00:18:53.383 --> 00:18:56.011
Gary David Goldberg leaned back
in his chair and said,
268
00:18:56.678 --> 00:18:58.639
"Why didn't anybody tell me
about this kid?"
269
00:19:00.474 --> 00:19:01.308
Great.
270
00:19:03.018 --> 00:19:06.104
I was standing at a pay phone
outside of a Pioneer Chicken franchise.
271
00:19:07.105 --> 00:19:09.608
While my agent was talking
about a seven-figure salary,
272
00:19:11.360 --> 00:19:15.822
I stared at the menu wishing I had
$1.99 to buy the buffalo wings.
273
00:19:17.574 --> 00:19:20.035
The contract could not be officially
locked in, however,
274
00:19:20.661 --> 00:19:25.290
as the NBC executive wunderkind
head of programming, Brandon Tartikoff,
275
00:19:25.290 --> 00:19:28.126
was absolutely against giving me
the role of Alex Keaton.
276
00:19:28.627 --> 00:19:32.673
This guy is very proficient,
and he hits the comedy,
277
00:19:32.673 --> 00:19:37.594
but I don't think we're talking about
somebody who's gonna be on a lunch box.
278
00:19:39.054 --> 00:19:42.099
It would be a relatively simple
matter for me to be fired and replaced.
279
00:19:44.434 --> 00:19:47.646
The argument raged on right up to the day
we began shooting the pilot.
280
00:19:59.157 --> 00:20:01.243
So, welcome to Family Ties, everybody.
281
00:20:01.243 --> 00:20:02.703
Andy, we ready to go?
282
00:20:02.703 --> 00:20:05.664
Whatever happened in the next hour
was gonna decide my fate.
283
00:20:05.664 --> 00:20:08.000
The guys will bring down the house lights.
284
00:20:26.685 --> 00:20:29.021
Start your VTRs, please.
Start your machines.
285
00:20:30.022 --> 00:20:31.565
Okay, Paul, you got the first shot.
286
00:20:31.565 --> 00:20:34.651
- Have a good show, everyone.
- Three, two...
287
00:20:35.235 --> 00:20:38.530
Here we go. We're ready. And action. Go.
288
00:20:41.116 --> 00:20:43.535
Hello. May I tell him who's calling?
289
00:20:44.119 --> 00:20:45.370
Kimberly Blanton.
290
00:20:45.370 --> 00:20:46.747
- Kimberly.
- I'm sorry...
291
00:20:46.747 --> 00:20:48.916
From the moment I ad-libbed
the initial P...
292
00:20:49.416 --> 00:20:50.584
Alex P. Keaton here.
293
00:20:56.048 --> 00:20:58.592
...I felt as though the audience
was aware of my desperate days
294
00:20:58.592 --> 00:20:59.885
leading up to that moment.
295
00:21:01.178 --> 00:21:04.598
Hi. Sorry I had to answer the door myself.
Our butler's off tonight.
296
00:21:11.021 --> 00:21:14.191
If Kimberly doesn't like your family
for who they are,
297
00:21:14.191 --> 00:21:17.402
then maybe she isn't worth caring
about at all, don't you think?
298
00:21:18.487 --> 00:21:20.906
Are you gonna wear your hair like that,
or are you gonna put it up?
299
00:21:27.287 --> 00:21:28.789
Michael J. Fox!
300
00:21:32.251 --> 00:21:33.252
This is working.
301
00:21:36.713 --> 00:21:42.553
I just knew at that moment, like...
it was all gonna come true.
302
00:21:42.553 --> 00:21:43.762
Mom, what are you doing?
303
00:21:43.762 --> 00:21:47.015
The situation comedy
was supposed to focus on the parents.
304
00:21:47.015 --> 00:21:48.100
No bananas, Ma.
305
00:21:50.185 --> 00:21:53.438
Instead,
America fell in love with their son.
306
00:21:53.438 --> 00:21:56.400
Play towards Michael. That'd help her.
And here on out to play towards Michael.
307
00:21:56.400 --> 00:21:57.568
Okay, he'll be fine.
308
00:21:58.360 --> 00:22:00.195
His performance is so good.
309
00:22:02.072 --> 00:22:05.325
Watching him, you are struck
by his exquisite sense of timing.
310
00:22:05.325 --> 00:22:11.123
I find a sense of humor in a man
to be incredibly sexually exciting.
311
00:22:13.876 --> 00:22:15.711
A priest and a rabbi are in a room.
312
00:22:18.714 --> 00:22:21.258
When did you discover
that you liked to make people laugh?
313
00:22:21.258 --> 00:22:23.385
When I was growing up, I was a small kid.
314
00:22:23.385 --> 00:22:25.804
It was either, you know,
funny or fight, so...
315
00:22:25.804 --> 00:22:28.182
The idea is always
if you can make the big guy laugh
316
00:22:28.182 --> 00:22:31.393
before you can make him mad at you,
it's a safer way to go.
317
00:22:31.393 --> 00:22:33.645
- Cue.
- Alex, come on, admit it.
318
00:22:33.645 --> 00:22:35.022
You're really special.
319
00:22:35.898 --> 00:22:37.357
All right. I--
320
00:22:38.650 --> 00:22:40.694
I don't wanna get in an argument
about this.
321
00:22:44.156 --> 00:22:50.370
Mr. Fox sent me this lunch box.
322
00:22:51.830 --> 00:22:55.709 line:5%
Affectionately signed, "Brandon,
love and kisses, Michael J. Fox."
323
00:23:22.194 --> 00:23:25.280
When I'm with you, I can see in your eyes
324
00:23:25.280 --> 00:23:30.452
that you've got a great one-liner and that
it's hard to get that to your mouth.
325
00:23:31.245 --> 00:23:33.288
I-- It just sucks. It's really hard.
326
00:23:34.289 --> 00:23:38.919
When I'm really in need of dopamine and--
327
00:23:38.919 --> 00:23:42.881
at the end of a dose--
I'm getting close to that now.
328
00:23:44.174 --> 00:23:47.594
I get frozen and I--
Frozen physically and frozen facially.
329
00:23:47.594 --> 00:23:51.139
It's a mask. I have a parkinsonian mask.
330
00:23:51.139 --> 00:23:53.517
I-- Just, I have to really work--
331
00:23:53.517 --> 00:23:56.645
to struggle to smile, to show expression.
332
00:23:57.563 --> 00:24:00.065
It gives me a kind of blank countenance.
333
00:24:01.483 --> 00:24:03.193
If you were having pure exhilaration,
334
00:24:03.193 --> 00:24:06.321
- what would your face look like?
- Like this.
335
00:24:10.117 --> 00:24:11.910
This is what you did for a living.
336
00:24:11.910 --> 00:24:12.995
Yeah.
337
00:24:26.925 --> 00:24:28.093
And stop.
338
00:24:29.803 --> 00:24:32.848
Okay. You feel warmed up?
Is it making you light-headed?
339
00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:35.475
It's making me crazy.
340
00:24:35.475 --> 00:24:38.854
Okay, we're gonna do some pages
from your book.
341
00:24:38.854 --> 00:24:41.940
Okay.
"After my dad retired from the Army..."
342
00:24:41.940 --> 00:24:43.025
Little straighter.
343
00:24:44.735 --> 00:24:46.904
Why do you wanna tell
this story right now?
344
00:24:55.621 --> 00:24:59.208
"As a kid, many things seemed
to come easily to me.
345
00:25:00.083 --> 00:25:02.169
I'd read a big picture book
cover to cover..."
346
00:25:02.169 --> 00:25:03.754
My world is getting smaller.
347
00:25:04.254 --> 00:25:06.298
I love my mind,
and I love the place it takes me,
348
00:25:06.298 --> 00:25:09.468
and I just don't want that
to get cut short.
349
00:25:10.969 --> 00:25:13.430
"As a kid, many things seemed
to come easily to me..."
350
00:25:13.430 --> 00:25:16.767
Is there gonna be a moment--
maybe it's 20 years from now--
351
00:25:16.767 --> 00:25:19.102
where you can't tell your story?
352
00:25:20.062 --> 00:25:21.480
Well, if I'm here 20 years from now,
353
00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:27.152
I'll be-- I'd either be cured
or, like, a pickle.
354
00:25:28.779 --> 00:25:32.407
"I had to eat my lunch through a s--
I had to eat my lunch through a straw...
355
00:25:36.828 --> 00:25:39.206
with several layers
of form-fitted rubber foam
356
00:25:39.206 --> 00:25:42.042
studded with yak hair affixed on my face."
That's actually really, like--
357
00:25:42.042 --> 00:25:43.877
- Who wrote that stuff?
- Some asshole.
358
00:25:48.173 --> 00:25:49.633
It was a low-budget B movie.
359
00:25:51.885 --> 00:25:53.887
But down the street were professionals.
360
00:25:57.224 --> 00:25:58.433
What were those guys doing?
361
00:25:59.685 --> 00:26:03.730
They're with the new Zemeckis
and Spielberg movie. Who's in it?
362
00:26:04.565 --> 00:26:05.482
Crispin Glover.
363
00:26:06.900 --> 00:26:07.901
Ouch.
364
00:26:08.610 --> 00:26:12.239
It stung a little bit that Crazy Crispin
was gonna do a Spielberg movie
365
00:26:13.615 --> 00:26:15.200
while I--
366
00:26:17.703 --> 00:26:20.122
Thrown away on some B-grade
high school werewolf movie.
367
00:26:27.796 --> 00:26:29.506
A day or two after our Christmas break,
368
00:26:31.341 --> 00:26:33.760
Gary David Goldberg had summoned me
into his office.
369
00:26:38.432 --> 00:26:40.142
"I have a confession to make," Gary began.
370
00:26:41.810 --> 00:26:44.855
"Just before the start of the season,
Steven sent me a copy of this script."
371
00:26:46.481 --> 00:26:48.901
Whenever Gary said "Steven,"
I knew he meant Spielberg.
372
00:26:52.863 --> 00:26:54.615 line:5%
"Steven had wanted you for the lead role.
373
00:26:54.615 --> 00:26:57.576 line:5%
They came to me asking if there was
any way I could let you outta the show.
374
00:26:59.745 --> 00:27:02.289
I didn't mention it to you then,
because it was just impossible.
375
00:27:16.386 --> 00:27:18.722
They started shooting
a couple of months ago with Eric Stoltz,
376
00:27:18.722 --> 00:27:20.974
but they don't think he's the right fit
for the role.
377
00:27:24.811 --> 00:27:27.397
It's gonna be expensive,
but they wanna reshoot all of his stuff."
378
00:27:29.149 --> 00:27:30.692
My head was spinning.
379
00:27:33.820 --> 00:27:34.905
Anything else?
380
00:27:35.489 --> 00:27:37.699
"You're not gonna miss
an hour of work on the show."
381
00:27:44.039 --> 00:27:45.374
The deal was made.
382
00:27:49.461 --> 00:27:51.880
A Teamster driver would pick me up
at 9:30 a.m.
383
00:27:53.590 --> 00:27:54.842
and take me to Paramount...
384
00:27:57.302 --> 00:27:59.680
where I would spend
the day shooting Family Ties.
385
00:28:02.182 --> 00:28:03.183
Hi, how you doing?
386
00:28:04.351 --> 00:28:06.061 line:5%
You think you can handle both jobs?
387
00:28:10.107 --> 00:28:11.358
That's for me.
388
00:28:16.363 --> 00:28:19.199
Then at 6:00, another Teamster
driver would pick me up and shuttle me
389
00:28:19.199 --> 00:28:22.244
to whatever far-flung location
we were based at that evening.
390
00:28:40.262 --> 00:28:41.388 line:5%
Action!
391
00:28:42.055 --> 00:28:43.390
Wait a minute, Doc.
392
00:28:44.725 --> 00:28:47.477
Are you telling me that you built
a time machine...
393
00:28:48.854 --> 00:28:49.897
out of a DeLorean?
394
00:28:52.691 --> 00:28:55.527
I would work on the film
until just before sunrise.
395
00:29:00.949 --> 00:29:03.535
At that point, I'd climb
into the back of a production van
396
00:29:03.535 --> 00:29:04.953
with a pillow and a blanket
397
00:29:05.704 --> 00:29:08.207
and yet another Teamster driver
would take me home again.
398
00:29:11.627 --> 00:29:13.295
I catch two or three hours of sleep...
399
00:29:17.799 --> 00:29:20.719
before Teamster driver number one
would reappear at my apartment,
400
00:29:21.303 --> 00:29:23.013
let himself in with a key I provided,
401
00:29:24.264 --> 00:29:25.265
brew a pot of coffee,
402
00:29:26.642 --> 00:29:27.518
turn on the shower.
403
00:29:30.812 --> 00:29:32.898
And then start
the whole process all over again.
404
00:29:40.155 --> 00:29:41.490
Hello!
405
00:29:41.490 --> 00:29:43.158
- Alex, you're an hour late.
- Yes?
406
00:29:43.158 --> 00:29:44.826
So, how's your new job, Alex?
407
00:29:45.536 --> 00:29:48.330
It's great. It's really great.
408
00:29:48.330 --> 00:29:50.332
That's my ride. I gotta be in early today.
409
00:29:56.630 --> 00:29:58.465
- Mark.
- Action!
410
00:30:10.060 --> 00:30:12.437
Okay, guys and dolls!
411
00:30:12.437 --> 00:30:13.981
For the next three-and-a-half months,
412
00:30:13.981 --> 00:30:17.234
the combination of Back to the Future
and Family Ties swallowed me whole.
413
00:30:19.278 --> 00:30:20.112
Take 22.
414
00:30:20.112 --> 00:30:22.781 line:5%
I experienced confusion
as to what set I was on
415
00:30:24.366 --> 00:30:26.451
and basically who I was
in the first place.
416
00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:30.163
You've worked every afternoon
and evening for the past two weeks.
417
00:30:40.757 --> 00:30:42.718
How could any of this shit be any good?
418
00:30:48.932 --> 00:30:50.726
- How you doing today?
- I'm good. How are you?
419
00:30:50.726 --> 00:30:53.145
Good. Tired.
420
00:30:56.190 --> 00:30:58.901
- What happened here?
- I smashed my head.
421
00:31:00.819 --> 00:31:05.574
I was walking really fast,
and I fell into this piece of furniture.
422
00:31:06.575 --> 00:31:10.037
I didn't hit the furniture the way
I usually do, and I hit it with my face.
423
00:31:10.537 --> 00:31:12.080
And I-- For a second,
I was lying on the ground,
424
00:31:12.080 --> 00:31:14.208
and I said, "I think I fucked myself."
425
00:31:14.208 --> 00:31:19.129
And then I started to bruise,
and my eyes went black. My--
426
00:31:19.129 --> 00:31:22.090
This eye went really black.
And then they did X-rays,
427
00:31:22.090 --> 00:31:25.886
and they said that "You broke all
the bones in your cheek and your eye."
428
00:31:26.512 --> 00:31:30.557
And they did surgery and went in
and fixed it and put pins in it.
429
00:31:30.557 --> 00:31:32.601
I had pins here and here.
430
00:31:33.560 --> 00:31:34.978
- Here. Yeah.
- You had pins in there?
431
00:31:34.978 --> 00:31:37.773
So, yeah. So, I smashed my face up,
but I do that.
432
00:31:37.773 --> 00:31:41.735
Like, I do, like--
It's part of the deal is that I fall.
433
00:31:41.735 --> 00:31:44.321
- It's the real deal.
- Parkinson's and gravity are real.
434
00:31:44.321 --> 00:31:47.699
Yeah, gravity is real. Even if
you're only falling from my height.
435
00:31:49.910 --> 00:31:51.245
Okay, we're back to business.
436
00:31:52.246 --> 00:31:53.872 line:5%
The story of me, take two.
437
00:32:02.548 --> 00:32:03.799
Jesus, my head.
438
00:32:06.093 --> 00:32:07.261
Where the hell am I?
439
00:32:11.974 --> 00:32:12.850
Hello?
440
00:32:12.850 --> 00:32:14.393
"Mike, we just saw the movie."
441
00:32:14.393 --> 00:32:15.310
What movie?
442
00:32:15.310 --> 00:32:17.271
"Your movie. Back to the Future."
443
00:32:19.273 --> 00:32:21.149
The person calling me was my agent.
444
00:32:22.276 --> 00:32:24.528
I'm sorry, Pete. I know I suck.
445
00:32:25.737 --> 00:32:29.032
If this was the beginning
of the end, it had been a hell of a ride.
446
00:32:29.825 --> 00:32:32.786
I'm Roger Ebert,
film critic of the Chicago Sun-Times.
447
00:32:32.786 --> 00:32:35.706
And I'm Gene Siskel,
film critic of the Chicago Tribune.
448
00:32:36.206 --> 00:32:39.501
First, Back to the Future.
A time travel movie, a category I hate,
449
00:32:39.501 --> 00:32:42.546
because you're never really gonna change
things when they go back in the past,
450
00:32:42.546 --> 00:32:45.090
because that would mean that the future
that we saw at the beginning of the film
451
00:32:45.090 --> 00:32:46.633
would've had to have been a lie, right?
452
00:32:46.633 --> 00:32:49.511
But, Back to the Future managed
to beat that problem,
453
00:32:49.511 --> 00:32:51.471
and it delighted me in so doing.
454
00:32:51.471 --> 00:32:54.057
This is my favorite film
of the summer movie season.
455
00:32:55.142 --> 00:32:58.353
And Michael J. Fox gives
an absolutely winning performance.
456
00:32:59.104 --> 00:33:02.774
The ride, it turned out,
was only beginning.
457
00:33:15.787 --> 00:33:18.457
How are you doing
with the early word on this movie?
458
00:33:18.457 --> 00:33:20.125
The early word is "spectacular."
459
00:33:20.125 --> 00:33:22.711
- Kind of frightening, yes.
- Scary. Yeah, it's really scary.
460
00:33:26.882 --> 00:33:29.301
- Will you be the same guy?
- Yeah.
461
00:33:29.301 --> 00:33:31.553
- Will you handle it well?
- Yeah.
462
00:33:36.517 --> 00:33:38.727
There's a newsstand
in my old Studio City neighborhood.
463
00:33:39.728 --> 00:33:41.605
Every now and then, I'd stop by.
464
00:33:42.231 --> 00:33:44.399
No, I wasn't checking out Hustler
or Juggs,
465
00:33:45.025 --> 00:33:47.319
but surveying the versions
of myself on display.
466
00:33:47.319 --> 00:33:51.198
GQ. US. People. Rolling Stone.
467
00:33:51.698 --> 00:33:53.784
Playgirl. TigerBeat. TV Guide.
468
00:33:53.784 --> 00:33:56.161
Variety. McCall's. The Star. The Globe.
469
00:33:56.161 --> 00:33:59.039
Seventeen, 16, Mad, Cracked,
and on and on.
470
00:34:00.123 --> 00:34:02.751
Everywhere I looked,
I saw my image reflected back at me.
471
00:34:03.252 --> 00:34:05.671
None of them was a true representation
of my real self...
472
00:34:07.965 --> 00:34:09.091
Whoever that was.
473
00:34:11.677 --> 00:34:17.641
Here is as hot as you get in the history
of this business. Here is Michael J. Fox.
474
00:34:19.518 --> 00:34:21.395
Michael J. Fox!
475
00:34:22.145 --> 00:34:25.274
Michael J. Fox is with us tonight. Yeah!
476
00:34:31.864 --> 00:34:33.574
Doesn't that make you just feel fabulous?
477
00:34:33.574 --> 00:34:36.994
That's great. It cost a lot to fly
my whole family down here, but I'm glad--
478
00:34:39.705 --> 00:34:41.290
First of all, congratulations.
479
00:34:41.290 --> 00:34:44.376
Back to the Future is still number one
at the box office.
480
00:34:44.376 --> 00:34:46.837
But it's gonna get some
new competition this weekend
481
00:34:46.837 --> 00:34:50.047 line:5%
from another Michael J. Fox movie.
Is it gonna give it a run for its money?
482
00:34:50.674 --> 00:34:51.925 line:5%
I don't know.
483
00:34:54.761 --> 00:34:58.182
The popularity of Michael J. Fox
is a phenomenon.
484
00:35:04.605 --> 00:35:06.356
Well,
you're just gonna have to tell Spielberg,
485
00:35:06.356 --> 00:35:07.941
I'm not prepared to make that commitment.
486
00:35:09.318 --> 00:35:11.570
What is the secret of your success?
487
00:35:11.570 --> 00:35:12.654
This is my--
488
00:35:13.322 --> 00:35:15.699
I can't believe I was about to say
acting is my life.
489
00:35:17.075 --> 00:35:19.912
TV's Emmy Awards were handed out,
and the winners are...
490
00:35:23.248 --> 00:35:25.792 line:5%
I don't believe this! Great!
491
00:35:27.002 --> 00:35:28.504
I feel four feet tall.
492
00:35:29.838 --> 00:35:32.716
And I always see your name
with "adorable" in front of it.
493
00:35:32.716 --> 00:35:35.093
Now, does this get a little annoying
after a while?
494
00:35:35.093 --> 00:35:36.803
Yeah, well, I-- My mom writes
for these magazines.
495
00:35:36.803 --> 00:35:37.888
Is that right?
496
00:35:38.597 --> 00:35:40.432
I think Michael Fox is cute.
497
00:35:40.432 --> 00:35:43.810
I think Michael Fox is really cute.
And I'd go out with him anytime.
498
00:35:45.521 --> 00:35:49.316
Don't get me wrong.
I had a really, really good time.
499
00:35:51.026 --> 00:35:53.195
- Who are you sleeping with?
- Who are you sleeping with?
500
00:35:57.658 --> 00:36:00.327
I wasn't gonna ask you. It's Shelley.
I was gonna go right back to--
501
00:36:00.327 --> 00:36:01.578
But you did.
502
00:36:01.578 --> 00:36:02.955
Because--
503
00:36:02.955 --> 00:36:05.207
I still don't get it. I'm like--
504
00:36:05.207 --> 00:36:10.128
I mean, I still have no idea
what people see, but--
505
00:36:12.798 --> 00:36:14.675
I have a favorite beer.
I don't know if I can mention it,
506
00:36:14.675 --> 00:36:18.303
but it's a Canadian beer, and it has
a certain antlered animal on the front.
507
00:36:19.429 --> 00:36:23.559
One morning, I peered out
the window to see a beer delivery truck.
508
00:36:25.727 --> 00:36:28.564
"There's a lot more where this came
from," the delivery guy said.
509
00:36:29.982 --> 00:36:33.193
I owned a Ferrari, a Range Rover,
a Jeep Cherokee,
510
00:36:33.694 --> 00:36:35.988
a Mercedes 560 SL convertible.
511
00:36:48.709 --> 00:36:50.878
The booze was free,
and I was usually the guest of honor.
512
00:37:08.103 --> 00:37:11.064
I had a guy who pulled over my Ferrari
one time on the way to work.
513
00:37:11.064 --> 00:37:13.025
And-- And the cop leans in, he goes,
514
00:37:14.193 --> 00:37:16.320
"Mike, is that you?" And I say, "Yeah."
He said,
515
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:17.863
"This is a big, heavy car.
You gotta be careful."
516
00:37:17.863 --> 00:37:20.032
I was going 90 down Ventura Boulevard
in a Ferrari.
517
00:37:20.532 --> 00:37:22.242
And he said, "Love the show."
518
00:37:23.452 --> 00:37:25.495
I said, "That's it?"
519
00:37:27.039 --> 00:37:28.540
- So, five steps forward.
- Yeah.
520
00:37:29.208 --> 00:37:32.419
If your left foot catches,
you stop and reset when you can.
521
00:37:32.419 --> 00:37:35.005
I'm not gonna stop you,
but you stop when you can.
522
00:37:36.215 --> 00:37:38.050
- It's locking-- My knees are locking out.
- Good.
523
00:37:38.050 --> 00:37:39.927
- Yeah, I can do this without--
- So, settle into this.
524
00:37:39.927 --> 00:37:43.972
Bounce into it. Feel those heels. Turn.
Know that you're settled.
525
00:37:43.972 --> 00:37:45.015
There's that period of time
526
00:37:45.015 --> 00:37:47.976
- that I was the king of the world.
- Good. Golf stance again, don't lock out.
527
00:37:47.976 --> 00:37:51.146
And I was playing a part.
I was playing a--
528
00:37:51.146 --> 00:37:55.067
And then that was worth feeling sorry for.
529
00:37:56.902 --> 00:37:57.903
How's Tracy?
530
00:37:58.403 --> 00:38:00.656
Married to me. Still.
531
00:38:02.115 --> 00:38:05.244
With the life of a young celebrity
that gets a lot of fame really fast,
532
00:38:05.869 --> 00:38:07.120
you don't know what's real.
533
00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:10.457
People taking pictures of-- in my bushes
of me in the swimming pool.
534
00:38:10.457 --> 00:38:15.629
Walking down the street with a hat on
and glasses and down and hiding.
535
00:38:16.505 --> 00:38:18.340
It's all bullshit.
It's not the real stuff.
536
00:38:18.340 --> 00:38:20.759
- Big step right.
- No.
537
00:38:20.759 --> 00:38:23.178
Big step right. Good. Golf stance again.
538
00:38:25.764 --> 00:38:28.350
Good. This is the stuff
that we need to work on.
539
00:38:28.350 --> 00:38:31.103
Slowing down your thought process, right?
540
00:38:31.103 --> 00:38:33.814
- And this is the area that you need work.
- Yeah, I do.
541
00:38:33.814 --> 00:38:35.649
- So, it's slowing down.
- Yeah.
542
00:38:35.649 --> 00:38:38.902
Right? So, stand up, hit the golf stance.
In your heels.
543
00:38:39.403 --> 00:38:40.737
- Are you there?
- Yeah.
544
00:38:40.737 --> 00:38:43.365
Do that quarter step around the stool.
545
00:38:44.366 --> 00:38:46.285
Parkinson's was just a disaster.
546
00:38:47.286 --> 00:38:50.247
But it's so real.
547
00:38:50.247 --> 00:38:52.875
When my arm would seize up
or my hand would twitch,
548
00:38:52.875 --> 00:38:54.710
that's real. It's real.
549
00:38:55.294 --> 00:38:57.880
Turn. Make sure you're settled.
550
00:39:01.091 --> 00:39:02.551
Good. Make sure you're settled.
551
00:39:02.551 --> 00:39:05.012
You can't walk
and you can't go to the bathroom.
552
00:39:05.012 --> 00:39:06.889
I mean, that's real.
553
00:39:06.889 --> 00:39:08.557
Slowly forward.
554
00:39:11.018 --> 00:39:14.062
Beautiful. Awesome. I know you can do it.
555
00:39:14.646 --> 00:39:16.148
- I can do it. That's the thing--
- Right?
556
00:39:16.148 --> 00:39:18.442
That's the thing that kills me,
is just that they're not--
557
00:39:18.442 --> 00:39:20.569
- The instant lack of control.
- Right.
558
00:39:20.569 --> 00:39:22.279
It's not like,
"I'm losing control, I'm losing control."
559
00:39:22.279 --> 00:39:23.864
- It's like, boom! I'm flying--
- So, that's what we--
560
00:39:23.864 --> 00:39:28.035
But that's what we always talk about is
that, your speed, because of who you are.
561
00:39:28.035 --> 00:39:31.288
- I wanna get it done. Yeah.
- Just slow it down, slow it down.
562
00:39:31.288 --> 00:39:35.334
Because you're athletic enough
to then have time to compensate
563
00:39:35.334 --> 00:39:38.462
- for something that goes wrong.
- Yeah, why dash when you can flush?
564
00:39:38.462 --> 00:39:41.089
Right. See? That was even better.
565
00:39:41.089 --> 00:39:44.218
Talking to you as a movie star
is different than talking to you as a TV--
566
00:39:44.218 --> 00:39:46.345
Well, I'm much more impressive now.
567
00:39:46.345 --> 00:39:48.972
Well, you are.
Has your life changed because of this?
568
00:39:48.972 --> 00:39:50.140
Not really.
569
00:39:50.724 --> 00:39:52.351
- To Joan.
- To who?
570
00:39:52.351 --> 00:39:53.810
Joan. J-O-A-N.
571
00:39:54.645 --> 00:39:56.230
Whether it's signing an autograph
572
00:39:56.230 --> 00:39:58.440
or dashing off to your next interview,
573
00:39:58.440 --> 00:40:01.902
it's all part of selling Michael J. Fox
and the movie.
574
00:40:08.617 --> 00:40:10.911
His family must have
wondered how he'd turn out
575
00:40:10.911 --> 00:40:12.621
when he dropped out of high school.
576
00:40:13.121 --> 00:40:16.083
When we go down to visit him, we
try and spend our time with Michael,
577
00:40:16.083 --> 00:40:20.337
and we'll go with him
to any such events that he wants us to.
578
00:40:20.337 --> 00:40:22.297
But, no, we don't--
579
00:40:23.215 --> 00:40:25.843
We don't get tied up in the show business
end of it all, really.
580
00:40:26.426 --> 00:40:28.637
In the backyard, he's just Mike Fox,
581
00:40:28.637 --> 00:40:31.974
not the star,
Michael J. Fox people have come to know.
582
00:40:31.974 --> 00:40:35.519
He says trips home from Los Angeles
help keep his feet on the ground.
583
00:40:36.436 --> 00:40:39.273
They're not gonna let me get away
with being a jerk.
584
00:40:39.940 --> 00:40:41.191
Very quiet, please.
585
00:40:44.236 --> 00:40:47.990
I guess you could say I've always wanted
to excel, even as a small--
586
00:40:47.990 --> 00:40:51.827
No. Ready. Count me down again
will you, Andy? I gotta get--
587
00:40:51.827 --> 00:40:55.330
Five, four, three, two.
588
00:40:55.831 --> 00:40:58.083
I don't know, I guess you could say
I've always wanted to excel,
589
00:40:58.584 --> 00:40:59.793
even as a small boy.
590
00:41:00.669 --> 00:41:03.046
I mean, it wasn't the winning
that mattered to me...
591
00:41:05.132 --> 00:41:08.051
it was the pure enjoyment
of the competition.
592
00:41:09.428 --> 00:41:11.430
And I've always felt
that deep in my heart--
593
00:41:14.641 --> 00:41:17.186
Totally losing momentum.
Can we just start from the top?
594
00:41:17.853 --> 00:41:20.272
- Absolutely.
- Trying to get a kick on this.
595
00:41:21.315 --> 00:41:25.360
On the set of Family Ties,
I was welcomed back like the prodigal son.
596
00:41:26.028 --> 00:41:28.155
I was the star, after all.
597
00:41:28.155 --> 00:41:29.615
Mikey, you're gonna do this now?
598
00:41:29.615 --> 00:41:32.284
It just occurred to me,
it doesn't work over there.
599
00:41:32.284 --> 00:41:33.452
Does this bother you?
600
00:41:33.452 --> 00:41:35.621
- Does this screw you?
- No, we just gotta redo
601
00:41:35.621 --> 00:41:36.997
- more shots.
602
00:41:36.997 --> 00:41:38.498
- How many?
- Thirty-eight.
603
00:41:38.498 --> 00:41:41.168
And while I would have never dreamed
of lording it over anyone,
604
00:41:41.168 --> 00:41:43.879
the fact is, I could get away
with the most outrageous behavior.
605
00:41:43.879 --> 00:41:47.925
And so, I'm just trying to understand,
and say if that's-- If, you know--
606
00:41:47.925 --> 00:41:51.178
If you have specific things
that are wrong,
607
00:41:51.178 --> 00:41:53.347
let me know because, at this point,
I'm confused.
608
00:41:54.681 --> 00:41:56.308
I was the "boy prince of Hollywood."
609
00:41:56.808 --> 00:42:00.145
I was big. I was bigger than bubble gum.
610
00:42:00.145 --> 00:42:02.272
You think it's made out of brick and rock,
but it's not.
611
00:42:02.272 --> 00:42:04.149
It's made out of paper and feathers.
612
00:42:05.234 --> 00:42:06.360
It's an illusion.
613
00:42:15.494 --> 00:42:16.370
Yes?
614
00:42:19.414 --> 00:42:22.543
Alex P. Keaton,
Sophomore Hospitality Committee.
615
00:42:23.126 --> 00:42:24.127
Congratulations.
616
00:42:25.420 --> 00:42:29.675
No. Excuse me. Do you mind
if I wait around here for a while?
617
00:42:30.300 --> 00:42:31.593
Yeah, I suppose.
618
00:42:31.593 --> 00:42:34.096
That's when Tracy Pollan
came into my world.
619
00:42:37.558 --> 00:42:38.934
Having trained in the New York theater,
620
00:42:38.934 --> 00:42:41.311
Tracy brought a grounded quality
to the work.
621
00:42:44.064 --> 00:42:46.441
Put that down.
Can't you see I'm painting that?
622
00:42:48.402 --> 00:42:51.613
It was in stark contrast
to my "just go for the laugh" approach.
623
00:42:51.613 --> 00:42:53.615
What do you call it? "Find the Apple"?
624
00:42:57.077 --> 00:42:59.371
I'd explain the concept
of abstract art to you,
625
00:42:59.371 --> 00:43:01.248
but I have a feeling
I'd be wasting my time.
626
00:43:02.666 --> 00:43:04.960
You were not the typical casting choice.
627
00:43:04.960 --> 00:43:08.213
You were not perky,
you were not a vacuous blonde,
628
00:43:08.213 --> 00:43:10.716
- you weren't a wiseacre kind of--
- Right.
629
00:43:10.716 --> 00:43:12.801
- kind of person. You agree?
- I agree.
630
00:43:12.801 --> 00:43:15.637
I was actually very surprised
to be cast on the show.
631
00:43:15.637 --> 00:43:19.141
I didn't-- I don't know if I would
have cast me on the show.
632
00:43:19.141 --> 00:43:22.186
- Why did they? What was it about you--
- Well, I think that--
633
00:43:22.186 --> 00:43:27.900
that they wanted somebody who was
very different from the character of Alex.
634
00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:31.361
And I think that they,
635
00:43:31.945 --> 00:43:34.156
I don't know, just saw something
different in me.
636
00:43:36.491 --> 00:43:38.493
One day we broke for lunch.
637
00:43:39.494 --> 00:43:41.622 line:5%
Women, life, death, art.
638
00:43:45.709 --> 00:43:49.296
Places, please. Places for E.
Five, four, three...
639
00:43:49.296 --> 00:43:51.757
After lunch,
we picked up where we left off.
640
00:43:51.757 --> 00:43:53.884
Here we go. Ready and action.
641
00:43:54.968 --> 00:43:56.929
I got you something.
642
00:43:58.222 --> 00:43:59.139
You did?
643
00:43:59.765 --> 00:44:01.433
They were having a sale on Picassos.
644
00:44:04.394 --> 00:44:06.980
So, I got you one.
645
00:44:08.899 --> 00:44:11.693
This was very sweet of you.
646
00:44:14.488 --> 00:44:17.199
The moment she said her first line,
I detected a hint of garlic
647
00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:20.077
and sensed an opportunity
to have a little fun at her expense.
648
00:44:20.953 --> 00:44:23.080
"Whoa, a little scampi for lunch, babe?"
649
00:44:24.706 --> 00:44:26.166
At first, she said nothing.
650
00:44:26.166 --> 00:44:27.876
Her expression didn't even change.
651
00:44:29.044 --> 00:44:31.255
But looking me dead in the eye,
she said slowly,
652
00:44:31.755 --> 00:44:36.802
"That was mean and rude, and you're
a complete and total fucking asshole."
653
00:44:46.019 --> 00:44:48.397
- Hi, Ellen. Hey, are you ready to go?
- Hi. Yeah, let's go.
654
00:44:48.397 --> 00:44:49.481
Okay.
655
00:44:50.983 --> 00:44:51.900
Yeah.
656
00:44:55.821 --> 00:44:57.447
Nobody talked to me that way.
657
00:44:59.324 --> 00:45:02.911
This woman was completely unintimidated
by whoever I thought I was.
658
00:45:03.662 --> 00:45:06.582
A pig is a pig no matter how many
hit movies he's just had.
659
00:45:08.834 --> 00:45:11.670
So, was she right? Were you a dick?
660
00:45:13.714 --> 00:45:15.424
I was a bit of a dick.
661
00:45:18.719 --> 00:45:20.137
She was joking, but I didn't get it,
662
00:45:20.137 --> 00:45:22.347
because no one would ever joke
with me like that.
663
00:45:22.347 --> 00:45:24.141
I was not the butt of any jokes.
664
00:45:27.311 --> 00:45:29.897
And she just went,
"I'm gonna poke through that and get--
665
00:45:29.897 --> 00:45:33.358
You're
a scared little kid under this shit,
666
00:45:33.358 --> 00:45:35.611
and then I'll just call you out."
667
00:45:39.323 --> 00:45:41.617
In that moment, I fell in love with her.
668
00:45:46.788 --> 00:45:47.623
All right.
669
00:45:47.623 --> 00:45:52.920
Let me just... Right, just--
670
00:45:52.920 --> 00:45:54.129
Right.
671
00:45:55.297 --> 00:45:57.424
All right, okay, not bad.
672
00:45:57.424 --> 00:45:58.967
Just, okay.
673
00:46:01.094 --> 00:46:03.347
All right, okay, yep. All right. Give me--
674
00:46:03.972 --> 00:46:04.973
Okay.
675
00:46:06.099 --> 00:46:07.726
There we go. Gently.
676
00:46:12.189 --> 00:46:13.190
Piece of cake.
677
00:46:17.152 --> 00:46:18.987
Alex, I've never met anybody like you.
678
00:46:19.821 --> 00:46:22.199
I mean, it's like you have a way of seeing
right through me.
679
00:46:24.159 --> 00:46:26.245
I'm seeing a part of me that I don't--
680
00:46:26.245 --> 00:46:28.705
I don't even like to admit exists,
and that scares me.
681
00:46:35.170 --> 00:46:38.674
Then Tracy got a part in a film
I was about to shoot in Manhattan.
682
00:46:40.133 --> 00:46:41.635
We'd hang out on the set together.
683
00:46:41.635 --> 00:46:43.178
So, tell me about your job.
684
00:46:43.178 --> 00:46:44.847
I guess I'm supposed to be
pretty impressed, huh?
685
00:46:44.847 --> 00:46:46.056
Don't be.
686
00:46:46.056 --> 00:46:49.768
She had a front-row seat
to view the whirlwind my life had become.
687
00:46:49.768 --> 00:46:51.979
Tracy appreciated the toll it was taking.
688
00:46:53.146 --> 00:46:54.731
The mistake would be to lose myself
689
00:46:54.731 --> 00:46:56.859
in the middle of the party
that was now my life.
690
00:46:59.820 --> 00:47:02.573
- You have my number, right?
- Right.
691
00:47:02.573 --> 00:47:03.699
You should call me.
692
00:47:04.783 --> 00:47:05.784
Yeah, I'd like to.
693
00:47:21.842 --> 00:47:24.720
- I love you.
- I love you too.
694
00:47:26.388 --> 00:47:27.389
Well...
695
00:47:28.849 --> 00:47:30.017
we love each other.
696
00:47:30.517 --> 00:47:32.186
We said it, we know it.
697
00:47:33.770 --> 00:47:36.815
I mean, that's all that's important.
It doesn't matter what happens now.
698
00:47:39.443 --> 00:47:40.485
What happens now?
699
00:47:51.663 --> 00:47:54.124
- Look at this.
- Hold it up.
700
00:47:55.834 --> 00:48:01.131
It's funny you say-- It said,
signed to Norm or Fred or something.
701
00:48:01.798 --> 00:48:06.678
Yeah, I got it at the Strand bookstore
for a dollar.
702
00:48:07.679 --> 00:48:11.517
Once we got together, I just--
I was the most in love person. I still am.
703
00:48:12.100 --> 00:48:15.312
You need to answer. There's, like,
so many texts that you need to answer.
704
00:48:15.312 --> 00:48:17.439
- Yeah.
- You need to respond to that.
705
00:48:19.358 --> 00:48:21.276
And you need to resp-- Wait.
706
00:48:21.276 --> 00:48:22.486
It gets better.
707
00:48:22.486 --> 00:48:25.155
This is four texts from Aquinnah
that you haven't responded to.
708
00:48:25.155 --> 00:48:26.365
I know, I tried to do it last night.
709
00:48:26.365 --> 00:48:28.492
- So just respond to that...
- Yeah.
710
00:48:28.492 --> 00:48:29.701
"Haven't seen you in a few days,
711
00:48:29.701 --> 00:48:31.745
- love you and miss you."
- And I can't wait to see you.
712
00:48:31.745 --> 00:48:33.121
- "Can't wait to see you."
- Let me see.
713
00:48:33.121 --> 00:48:35.999
Can't wait to see you.
The beach awaits you.
714
00:48:37.292 --> 00:48:38.293
Okay.
715
00:48:40.629 --> 00:48:43.048
- "The beach awaits you"? No.
- Or something to that effect.
716
00:48:43.048 --> 00:48:44.925
Waiting for you on the beach.
717
00:48:44.925 --> 00:48:46.510
I can't wait to get on the beach with--
718
00:48:46.510 --> 00:48:48.387
can't wait to hang out
on the beach with you.
719
00:48:48.387 --> 00:48:50.389
Can't wait to hang out at the beach
with you.
720
00:48:52.432 --> 00:48:54.351
Describe this human being to me.
721
00:49:04.403 --> 00:49:05.612
Clarity.
722
00:49:05.612 --> 00:49:09.116
- "Can't wait to see you. Love you."
- Love you. That's it.
723
00:49:13.537 --> 00:49:17.374
I get a sense that she's no bullshit.
724
00:49:17.875 --> 00:49:20.377
No. No bullshit.
725
00:49:20.377 --> 00:49:23.881
Who she is is just so locked in
'cause it's so honest.
726
00:49:23.881 --> 00:49:26.633
I could be the king of England
and she would be her.
727
00:49:27.259 --> 00:49:30.596
I could be Elvis and she would be her.
728
00:49:30.596 --> 00:49:32.848
You know what, you could put
a little bit of this in there.
729
00:49:33.432 --> 00:49:36.310
- Okay, mush it now. I'll hold the bowl.
- It's really hard.
730
00:49:36.310 --> 00:49:38.562
- It's kind of hurting my hand.
- I can't even hold the bowl.
731
00:49:40.772 --> 00:49:44.026
When I'm with my family,
there's no sentimental line with them.
732
00:49:44.026 --> 00:49:45.402
There's no "Poor baby.
733
00:49:46.653 --> 00:49:48.989
I feel your pain, I feel so bad for you.
734
00:49:48.989 --> 00:49:50.782
You're a saint among men, and"--
735
00:49:50.782 --> 00:49:52.743
That would be the worst thing
they could do to me.
736
00:49:52.743 --> 00:49:54.119
- Wait. Can I just tell you--
- What?
737
00:49:54.119 --> 00:49:55.412
I was just having a conversation.
738
00:49:55.412 --> 00:49:56.788
If you look through his phone,
739
00:49:56.788 --> 00:50:00.250
it's just, like, a million texts
that are never answered.
740
00:50:00.250 --> 00:50:03.795
Yeah, it's just me,
like, a bunch of times, like--
741
00:50:03.795 --> 00:50:05.464
- Asking questions?
- Every two weeks, I-- No.
742
00:50:05.464 --> 00:50:08.717
I'm just like, "Are you okay?
Like, sending so much love. Heart, heart."
743
00:50:08.717 --> 00:50:10.886
- And then no response. And then--
- And no response.
744
00:50:10.886 --> 00:50:12.429
But then about a week after, like,
745
00:50:12.429 --> 00:50:14.806
one of my, like,
"Love you so much, hope you're okay."
746
00:50:14.806 --> 00:50:17.351
It's this, like, really nice,
but just so random,
747
00:50:17.351 --> 00:50:20.604
he said, "I hope you are happy
with all your decisions."
748
00:50:22.731 --> 00:50:24.233
Okay, thanks.
749
00:50:25.150 --> 00:50:26.944
- It's good. Natural.
- You're a natural, Pops.
750
00:50:26.944 --> 00:50:28.654
- What are you doing?
- You should think about
751
00:50:28.654 --> 00:50:29.863
doing this for a job.
752
00:50:29.863 --> 00:50:32.324
You know, you just turned into
a fortune cookie.
753
00:50:35.536 --> 00:50:36.954
When I answer, I go to a simple,
754
00:50:36.954 --> 00:50:38.747
"Hey, I love you too. Thinking about you.
How's it going?"
755
00:50:38.747 --> 00:50:40.666
- But you don't say it.
- I know, because it comes out--
756
00:50:40.666 --> 00:50:42.334
- it comes out...
- You know, also--
757
00:50:44.253 --> 00:50:46.004
And then I go in and I'm, like--
So then I think,
758
00:50:46.004 --> 00:50:48.257
"Well this isn't working out.
I'll do the-- push the buttons."
759
00:50:48.257 --> 00:50:50.259
- Then I get some website in China.
- Yeah.
760
00:50:59.768 --> 00:51:01.311
Pregnant one month after the wedding,
761
00:51:01.311 --> 00:51:02.813
Tracy found herself with a husband...
762
00:51:02.813 --> 00:51:03.814
Action!
763
00:51:04.565 --> 00:51:06.191
Michael!
764
00:51:06.191 --> 00:51:08.068
...who, when he wasn't away on a job,
765
00:51:09.027 --> 00:51:11.572
was little more than
a narcoleptic Lamaze partner.
766
00:51:15.826 --> 00:51:16.952
Michael.
767
00:51:23.208 --> 00:51:25.210
This kid loves these horses.
768
00:51:30.382 --> 00:51:31.800
A vicious ride.
769
00:51:43.103 --> 00:51:46.106
How's the family? Give me
the whole report of how being a dad is.
770
00:51:46.106 --> 00:51:47.232
Being a dad is great.
771
00:51:47.232 --> 00:51:50.110
I'm sure that, you know, all the dads
out there know it's real cool.
772
00:51:50.110 --> 00:51:52.446
He's-- My son is-- Our son.
773
00:51:53.405 --> 00:51:55.157
Boy, I didn't do half the work.
774
00:51:55.157 --> 00:51:57.534
How are you doing
balancing the family and the work?
775
00:51:57.534 --> 00:51:58.744
You're still pretty much a workaholic.
776
00:51:59.995 --> 00:52:01.830
Michael! Michael! Michael!
777
00:52:03.457 --> 00:52:05.959
The rush that was my life then,
meant my bride...
778
00:52:08.045 --> 00:52:10.506
was wondering what in the hell
she'd gotten herself into.
779
00:52:11.590 --> 00:52:13.592
Tracy, did you miss Michael the last year?
780
00:52:13.592 --> 00:52:15.886
Yeah. It's good to have him home again.
781
00:52:15.886 --> 00:52:19.515
- She's got a tiny version of me at home.
- Yeah, I got a miniature version of him...
782
00:52:20.557 --> 00:52:21.767
Inside of a year,
783
00:52:21.767 --> 00:52:25.854
an exquisitely talented, 20-something
actress had become a single mother...
784
00:52:25.854 --> 00:52:28.690
It's about being content with who you are
and being content with your family
785
00:52:28.690 --> 00:52:31.610
and, you know, loving yourself
and loving the people around you.
786
00:52:34.071 --> 00:52:35.405
...while I was still free to work.
787
00:52:41.787 --> 00:52:44.873
Here I was, shooting my fifth film
in less than three years.
788
00:52:46.917 --> 00:52:48.752
But it was a sheltered, narrow existence.
789
00:52:48.752 --> 00:52:50.504
He's a chickenshit, man.
790
00:52:51.755 --> 00:52:53.757
Fueled by fear and isolation.
791
00:52:56.969 --> 00:53:00.389
Actors don't become actors because
they're brimming with self-confidence.
792
00:53:00.389 --> 00:53:02.057
Hey, good morning, Mr. Eastwood.
793
00:53:02.641 --> 00:53:05.727
An actor's burning ambition
is to spend as much time as possible
794
00:53:05.727 --> 00:53:07.396
pretending to be somebody else.
795
00:53:08.021 --> 00:53:10.899
I think you ain't nothing
but a gutless yellow turd!
796
00:53:12.359 --> 00:53:15.904
For those of us lucky or unstable
enough to become professional performers...
797
00:53:15.904 --> 00:53:17.531
Who the hell do you think you are?
798
00:53:17.531 --> 00:53:20.576
...the uncertainty about who we really are
only increases.
799
00:53:21.076 --> 00:53:22.494
And you.
800
00:53:22.494 --> 00:53:23.620
Gnawing at you always...
801
00:53:23.620 --> 00:53:25.414
You I don't know about.
802
00:53:25.414 --> 00:53:28.959
...is the belief that you're a fake.
A phony.
803
00:53:30.252 --> 00:53:31.837
I hate your movies.
804
00:53:35.257 --> 00:53:37.384
What is a typical,
if there is such a thing,
805
00:53:37.384 --> 00:53:40.262
day in the life of
Michael and Tracy and Sam?
806
00:53:40.262 --> 00:53:42.973
I get up and go to work,
I come home and everybody is asleep.
807
00:53:43.932 --> 00:53:44.975
That's about it.
808
00:53:53.358 --> 00:53:55.986
Dad hadn't been feeling well
for the last month or so.
809
00:54:08.081 --> 00:54:09.958
"My father had been rushed
to the hospital.
810
00:54:11.293 --> 00:54:14.004
Dad hadn't been feeling well
for the last month or so.
811
00:54:14.505 --> 00:54:17.966
His heart gave out first,
then his kidneys began to fail.
812
00:54:19.885 --> 00:54:25.098
I couldn't know that day in 1990
that I was stepping across a threshold."
813
00:54:26.558 --> 00:54:27.559
Sorry.
814
00:54:33.440 --> 00:54:36.485
Stuff like that just hits you like a--
You're going through this stuff and you--
815
00:54:36.485 --> 00:54:39.154
Something like that pops out
and you're so, like--
816
00:54:40.739 --> 00:54:44.826
like that's three sentences
and, like, 10,000 pounds of stuff.
817
00:54:50.290 --> 00:54:51.542
What was the threshold?
818
00:54:53.043 --> 00:54:55.963
Threshold was adulthood. Like, real shit.
819
00:55:01.593 --> 00:55:02.719
Life.
820
00:55:10.435 --> 00:55:13.397
For Christ's sake, Mike.
It's just your freaking finger.
821
00:55:14.064 --> 00:55:15.232
But that was the problem.
822
00:55:15.858 --> 00:55:18.652
It wasn't mine. It was somebody else's.
823
00:55:46.138 --> 00:55:48.849
The most paranoid fantasy I could
think of would not have prepared me
824
00:55:48.849 --> 00:55:52.019
for the two words the neurologist
bludgeoned me with that day.
825
00:55:55.147 --> 00:55:56.440
Parkinson's disease.
826
00:56:01.570 --> 00:56:04.072
And I said,
"You know who you're talking to, right?
827
00:56:04.573 --> 00:56:09.745
You know, I'm, like, not someone
who is supposed to get this."
828
00:56:12.956 --> 00:56:14.583
He handed me a pamphlet.
829
00:56:16.168 --> 00:56:19.755
Which one had the incurable brain disease
was not clear, they both looked happy.
830
00:56:22.674 --> 00:56:26.762
He said some more words like,
"progressive," "degenerative,"
831
00:56:28.055 --> 00:56:29.056
"incurable."
832
00:56:30.766 --> 00:56:34.603
He said, "You lose this game.
You don't win this."
833
00:56:45.489 --> 00:56:48.492
I remember standing on the street looking
for an answer.
834
00:56:50.494 --> 00:56:52.704
It's just-- I just-- My world blew up.
835
00:56:56.333 --> 00:56:57.876
I should have seen it coming,
836
00:56:58.961 --> 00:57:01.630
the cosmic price I had to pay
for all my success.
837
00:57:05.217 --> 00:57:06.844
I told Tracy the news.
838
00:57:11.682 --> 00:57:14.101
"In sickness and in health,"
I remember her whispering.
839
00:57:23.777 --> 00:57:25.904
Now totally relax with the head.
840
00:57:27.197 --> 00:57:30.284
Okay, that's good. Yeah.
Now, look at my finger. Open up.
841
00:57:30.284 --> 00:57:31.368
Look over here.
842
00:57:32.411 --> 00:57:34.872
Yeah. Up. That's good.
843
00:57:37.416 --> 00:57:38.417
Go like this.
844
00:57:39.376 --> 00:57:40.752
You're good. Excellent.
845
00:57:40.752 --> 00:57:43.088
- Actually, that's very strong. Hold on.
- I'm a strong man.
846
00:57:43.088 --> 00:57:45.215
- You're a strong man.
- Very strong.
847
00:57:45.215 --> 00:57:47.426
So, you were getting dressed,
you were in a hurry,
848
00:57:47.426 --> 00:57:49.386
you went smack into the headboard?
849
00:57:49.386 --> 00:57:51.096
- Headboard. Yeah.
- Okay.
850
00:57:51.096 --> 00:57:54.433
So, when did you dislocate the shoulder?
851
00:57:54.433 --> 00:57:56.059
- Around the same time?
- Around the same time.
852
00:57:56.059 --> 00:57:59.104
It all happened in the--
It was like a festival of self-abuse.
853
00:57:59.104 --> 00:58:01.273
- You can do a tour of my house.
- Okay.
854
00:58:01.273 --> 00:58:03.483
- It's almost all in the same spot.
- What's it matter?
855
00:58:03.483 --> 00:58:05.235
Okay, so squeeze my hand.
856
00:58:05.235 --> 00:58:06.862
- How does that feel?
- Feels all right.
857
00:58:06.862 --> 00:58:07.988
I think we're gonna be fine.
858
00:58:07.988 --> 00:58:09.364
- You're gonna be fine?
- Yeah.
859
00:58:09.364 --> 00:58:11.033
They're not gonna have to
amputate anything or--
860
00:58:11.033 --> 00:58:12.492
- No. My head.
- Okay. Good.
861
00:58:12.492 --> 00:58:13.994
- Your head?
- My head, yeah.
862
00:58:15.454 --> 00:58:16.371
Okay.
863
00:58:16.371 --> 00:58:18.248
Tracy's the smartest person I know.
864
00:58:18.749 --> 00:58:20.834
She's learned to deal with a lot of stuff.
865
00:58:20.834 --> 00:58:23.837
How frustrating it must be
to have to bear the burden
866
00:58:23.837 --> 00:58:25.589
of something that isn't her burden.
867
00:58:26.089 --> 00:58:28.175
It's my burden, but she shares it with me.
868
00:58:28.175 --> 00:58:30.886
She not only shares it with me,
she takes on more than I take on.
869
00:58:30.886 --> 00:58:34.097
So, you take the first round
while you're still in bed?
870
00:58:34.097 --> 00:58:35.891
- No, out of bed.
- Out of bed. Okay.
871
00:58:36.642 --> 00:58:39.394
- Sometimes Michael likes to hold that off...
- Yeah.
872
00:58:39.394 --> 00:58:41.647
...if he's got something
that he needs to do.
873
00:58:42.439 --> 00:58:46.068
He thinks if he waits,
it's gonna kick in stronger and better.
874
00:58:46.568 --> 00:58:48.362
Everything I go through,
she's gone through.
875
00:58:48.362 --> 00:58:51.073
And then I have to try to figure out
how to make it work.
876
00:58:51.573 --> 00:58:54.076
Like, I just have to feel it
and then-- and live it.
877
00:58:55.869 --> 00:58:57.704
I can walk a little bit though. Like that.
878
00:58:58.622 --> 00:59:00.165
She has to make it work.
879
00:59:00.666 --> 00:59:02.334
- I'm walking, honey.
- You are.
880
00:59:04.670 --> 00:59:06.463
- Good job.
- I know.
881
00:59:06.463 --> 00:59:08.507
- Is that this way?
- Yeah.
882
00:59:13.053 --> 00:59:14.513
Slow down a little. Okay.
883
00:59:25.858 --> 00:59:27.526
I clung to fantasies of escape.
884
00:59:31.446 --> 00:59:33.824
That somehow my diagnosis
would turn out to be a mistake.
885
00:59:38.412 --> 00:59:40.205
I was in my late 20s.
886
00:59:40.998 --> 00:59:44.209
How could I possibly
have this old person's disease?
887
00:59:45.627 --> 00:59:48.130
Symptoms include muscular rigidity,
888
00:59:48.130 --> 00:59:50.549
slowness and poverty of
movements and tremor,
889
00:59:52.509 --> 00:59:55.512
diminished blinking, and reduced
spontaneity of facial expression.
890
00:59:58.682 --> 01:00:02.561
I thought my diminished blinking and
reduced spontaneity of facial expression
891
01:00:02.561 --> 01:00:04.771
marked a growing comfort
in front of the camera.
892
01:00:04.771 --> 01:00:06.398
Less mugging, hamming it up.
893
01:00:07.524 --> 01:00:10.485
No, you weren't getting better.
Just sicker.
894
01:00:11.904 --> 01:00:15.199
What advice would you give to someone
that has the disease?
895
01:00:15.199 --> 01:00:18.702
The main thing is, is to be truthful,
first, with yourself.
896
01:00:18.702 --> 01:00:22.831
Here's Johnny.
897
01:00:37.721 --> 01:00:42.184
With no obvious cue, my left hand
would begin shaking uncontrollably.
898
01:00:44.269 --> 01:00:46.230
Now, anyway, let's move.
We've got a great show tonight.
899
01:00:46.230 --> 01:00:47.856
Mr. Michael J. Fox is with us.
900
01:00:49.650 --> 01:00:52.361
I had my internist prescribe PD meds.
901
01:00:56.031 --> 01:00:59.034
Sinemet is taken up by the brain
and changed into dopamine,
902
01:00:59.785 --> 01:01:02.746
the neurotransmitter that a Parkinson's
patient can no longer produce
903
01:01:02.746 --> 01:01:03.997
in sufficient quantities.
904
01:01:05.415 --> 01:01:07.209
Anyway,
I'm glad Michael Fox is here tonight.
905
01:01:07.209 --> 01:01:09.211
He's a most-talented young man, and--
906
01:01:11.964 --> 01:01:13.423
Would you welcome Michael J. Fox?
907
01:01:18.762 --> 01:01:20.639
Therapeutic value, even comfort,
908
01:01:20.639 --> 01:01:22.891
none of these was the reason
I took these pills.
909
01:01:23.600 --> 01:01:24.893
There was only one reason.
910
01:01:27.020 --> 01:01:27.855
Yeah.
911
01:01:27.855 --> 01:01:28.772
To hide.
912
01:01:33.110 --> 01:01:35.112
I carried the pills around
loose and broken
913
01:01:35.112 --> 01:01:37.322
in the pockets of my shirts and trousers.
914
01:01:40.242 --> 01:01:41.493
Like Halloween Smarties.
915
01:01:47.666 --> 01:01:51.003
Parkinsonian tremor occurs
when the affected limb is at rest.
916
01:01:52.296 --> 01:01:55.883
I was able to mask the trembling
by twiddling an object in my left hand.
917
01:01:58.760 --> 01:02:01.096
Day after day, for hours on end.
918
01:02:02.264 --> 01:02:03.932
Uh-huh. Uh-huh...
919
01:02:07.186 --> 01:02:08.520
Sir, I can't hear you.
920
01:02:08.520 --> 01:02:11.064
There's some kind of a ruckus outside.
921
01:02:11.857 --> 01:02:13.150
Can I call you back?
922
01:02:13.859 --> 01:02:17.112
I never gave a second's thought
to sharing my diagnosis with anyone.
923
01:02:17.988 --> 01:02:18.864
I had work to do.
924
01:02:20.324 --> 01:02:24.077
And I intended to pretend as if
none of this was actually happening to me.
925
01:02:25.621 --> 01:02:27.748
You can't do this to people.
926
01:02:27.748 --> 01:02:31.835
You can't lie and fake and manipulate.
I won't accept that.
927
01:02:34.588 --> 01:02:39.218
Just this once,
I'm gonna let you off with a warning.
928
01:02:42.471 --> 01:02:46.099
I like guys that are a little too smart
for their own good.
929
01:02:46.099 --> 01:02:49.144
You know, master manipulators who think
they're manipulating everybody else,
930
01:02:50.812 --> 01:02:52.898
but are, in a way,
kind of manipulating themselves
931
01:02:52.898 --> 01:02:54.733
into a situation they can't control.
932
01:02:57.027 --> 01:02:59.738
I became a virtuoso
at manipulating drug intake...
933
01:03:05.410 --> 01:03:08.080
so that I'd peak
at exactly the right time and place.
934
01:03:16.088 --> 01:03:17.089
I need more pills.
935
01:03:19.925 --> 01:03:20.926
You wanna take a break?
936
01:03:21.677 --> 01:03:26.181
Well, I mean, I should've stopped
ten minutes ago 'cause I need more pills.
937
01:03:30.644 --> 01:03:32.521
- It'll just take two minutes.
- Yeah.
938
01:03:36.400 --> 01:03:38.735
You take the pill, then you're waiting.
And what does it feel like?
939
01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:43.907
Like waiting-- I always say
waiting for a bus. Waiting for the bus.
940
01:03:43.907 --> 01:03:46.034
People will say, "What are you doing?"
I say, "I'm waiting for the bus."
941
01:03:46.034 --> 01:03:47.286
And they know what I mean.
942
01:03:51.999 --> 01:03:54.084
Yeah, it's kicking in now. It's nice.
943
01:03:54.084 --> 01:03:56.170
Today's a quick-- Quick kick-in today.
944
01:03:56.170 --> 01:04:00.883
I'm a little-- still a little mumble
mouth, but I feel good.
945
01:04:00.883 --> 01:04:02.593
I feel still.
946
01:04:02.593 --> 01:04:04.636
So, you're still waiting
for the bus, or you're on the bus?
947
01:04:04.636 --> 01:04:07.097
No, I'm on the bus.
I'm putting in-- money in the thing.
948
01:04:11.059 --> 01:04:14.354
It's a great release. It's just, like,
you pour into the form that is you.
949
01:04:15.230 --> 01:04:18.400
That you-- It gets filled with you again.
950
01:04:20.235 --> 01:04:21.445
Rolling, rolling.
951
01:04:22.029 --> 01:04:23.030
Speed.
952
01:04:25.324 --> 01:04:26.366
My body ached.
953
01:04:27.201 --> 01:04:28.202
Playback.
954
01:04:29.494 --> 01:04:32.331
I had been contorting it
into intensely uncomfortable positions
955
01:04:32.331 --> 01:04:34.208
in order to mask the tremors.
956
01:04:34.208 --> 01:04:35.417
Okay, marker.
957
01:04:42.382 --> 01:04:43.842
Okay, play again.
958
01:04:45.719 --> 01:04:48.597
I see "R-E-C."
959
01:04:49.181 --> 01:04:51.850
Yeah, that's "record."
960
01:04:51.850 --> 01:04:53.602
My appetite was nonexistent.
961
01:04:54.520 --> 01:04:57.231
And I used that excuse
to avoid joining my family for dinner.
962
01:05:00.067 --> 01:05:03.695
I thought that by thinking about
Parkinson's, I was hastening its arrival.
963
01:05:13.205 --> 01:05:14.748
Instead, I drank to disassociate.
964
01:05:17.626 --> 01:05:18.961
To escape my situation.
965
01:05:23.715 --> 01:05:25.342
Parkinson's, it was hide-the-bottle time.
966
01:05:25.342 --> 01:05:27.177
It was--
Like, I had bottles stashed in the garage,
967
01:05:27.177 --> 01:05:29.555
and I'd open two bottles of wine,
968
01:05:29.555 --> 01:05:32.558
and Tracy would think we just drank one,
she didn't know I drank the other one.
969
01:05:35.561 --> 01:05:39.231
And I started to have a margarita
before the last take.
970
01:05:39.231 --> 01:05:40.524
Jack Daniel's, rocks, please.
971
01:05:42.192 --> 01:05:44.611 line:5%
For Love or Money, with Michael J. Fox,
starts out great
972
01:05:44.611 --> 01:05:46.989 line:5%
and then gets all soft.
Regretfully though, thumbs-down.
973
01:05:46.989 --> 01:05:49.867
With me, it isn't even a close call.
It's definitely thumbs-down.
974
01:05:50.993 --> 01:05:52.244
And then things started to slip.
975
01:05:55.998 --> 01:05:58.292
Life with Mikey
doesn't tell much of a story.
976
01:05:58.292 --> 01:06:01.420
I sat there wondering why Michael J. Fox
seemed to be without a clue
977
01:06:01.420 --> 01:06:03.130
in a lot of his big scenes.
978
01:06:05.424 --> 01:06:07.759
And here's another movie
that loses its way.
979
01:06:07.759 --> 01:06:08.969
Greedy.
980
01:06:08.969 --> 01:06:10.762
Michael J. Fox fell for that old trap.
981
01:06:11.930 --> 01:06:14.183 line:5%
They wanna play characters
who are really likable.
982
01:06:14.183 --> 01:06:15.767 line:5%
- Why not play nasty?
- I agree. Yeah.
983
01:06:15.767 --> 01:06:19.062
Make 'em hateful. People love you
when you play hateful characters.
984
01:06:19.563 --> 01:06:20.480
Nicky!
985
01:06:20.480 --> 01:06:22.774
It's crap, Angie. It's crap.
986
01:06:22.774 --> 01:06:24.568
It's another big-budget, big-box-office,
987
01:06:24.568 --> 01:06:27.529
in-one-end, out-the-other,
easy-to-flush piece of crap.
988
01:06:27.529 --> 01:06:29.656
I was sullen and angry.
989
01:06:29.656 --> 01:06:32.910
There was one thing in a store.
This guy stepped in front of me.
990
01:06:32.910 --> 01:06:35.204
And I said,
"Excuse me. What am I, fucking invisible?"
991
01:06:35.204 --> 01:06:36.872
And he goes, "Yeah, you're invisible."
992
01:06:36.872 --> 01:06:39.458
And I grabbed his shirt,
and I said, "Fuck you, man.
993
01:06:39.458 --> 01:06:41.293
I'll take you outside
and take your head off."
994
01:06:41.793 --> 01:06:45.380
And I said, "I'd love nothing more,
today, than to take your head off."
995
01:06:45.380 --> 01:06:47.883
And he just backed off, and they all
went white and they walked out.
996
01:06:47.883 --> 01:06:49.384
I said, "I can be that guy."
997
01:06:52.012 --> 01:06:54.389
I didn't know what was happening.
I didn't know what was coming.
998
01:06:56.850 --> 01:06:59.269
So, what if I could just
have four glasses of wine
999
01:06:59.269 --> 01:07:01.772
and maybe a shot?
1000
01:07:02.523 --> 01:07:05.317
- So, were you an alcoholic?
- Yeah, I was definitely an alcoholic.
1001
01:07:09.279 --> 01:07:12.074
But I've gone 30 years
without having a drink.
1002
01:07:14.368 --> 01:07:16.662
What is the core of that behavior?
1003
01:07:17.287 --> 01:07:18.497
The core of that behavior is fear.
1004
01:07:22.960 --> 01:07:25.546
There was an urgency, an edge,
to that night's partying.
1005
01:07:26.421 --> 01:07:29.591
We were on our third pitcher of margaritas
by the time the director called "Wrap."
1006
01:07:41.728 --> 01:07:44.022
Oh, God.
1007
01:07:46.108 --> 01:07:49.570
I saw feet. Tracy's feet.
1008
01:07:50.070 --> 01:07:52.531
The feet had on shoes.
Shit. What time was it?
1009
01:07:55.742 --> 01:07:57.619
I found no expression of rage.
1010
01:07:58.412 --> 01:08:00.831
She was meeting my sorry state
with indifference.
1011
01:08:03.667 --> 01:08:05.794
"Is this what you want?" she said.
1012
01:08:07.296 --> 01:08:08.714
"This is what you wanna be?"
1013
01:08:12.426 --> 01:08:14.595
Okay, Michael, Tracy,
turn your head, please.
1014
01:08:15.846 --> 01:08:18.182
I'd never been so frightened in my life.
1015
01:08:18.182 --> 01:08:21.894
Tracy. Tracy!
1016
01:08:22.810 --> 01:08:25.147
Tracy!
1017
01:08:36.491 --> 01:08:38.285
The bathtub became my refuge.
1018
01:08:40.328 --> 01:08:43.332
Day after day, for hours at a time.
1019
01:08:45.751 --> 01:08:48.462
I just wanted to keep my head below water.
1020
01:08:48.962 --> 01:08:51.173
I needed to suffer.
I needed to go as low as I could go.
1021
01:08:59.096 --> 01:09:02.309
All I could hear
was the muted splash of my trembling hand.
1022
01:09:06.104 --> 01:09:08.148
But as low as alcohol had brought me,
1023
01:09:09.816 --> 01:09:11.484
abstinence would bring me lower.
1024
01:09:17.282 --> 01:09:19.201
I could no longer escape myself.
1025
01:09:23.747 --> 01:09:26.542
My first few years of sobriety
were like a knife fight in a closet.
1026
01:09:28.460 --> 01:09:29.627
What's the knife?
1027
01:09:31.087 --> 01:09:32.339
The truth.
1028
01:09:34.131 --> 01:09:36.885
Truth. I wasn't facing things.
1029
01:09:43.975 --> 01:09:46.395
I just wanted to be out of the world.
1030
01:09:47.854 --> 01:09:50.649
And I wanted to be in another place,
doing another thing.
1031
01:09:59.283 --> 01:10:01.827
I ran away and did movies
in other parts of the world.
1032
01:10:03.745 --> 01:10:06.415
Can't pretend at home
that you don't have Parkinson's...
1033
01:10:09.251 --> 01:10:10.961
because you're just there with it.
1034
01:10:12.004 --> 01:10:14.006
If I'm out in the world,
and I'm dealing with other people...
1035
01:10:16.425 --> 01:10:19.553
and they don't know I have it,
then I don't have it.
1036
01:10:21.722 --> 01:10:23.891
But Tracy was really having a hard time
1037
01:10:23.891 --> 01:10:26.185
and really was
getting to the end of her rope.
1038
01:10:31.857 --> 01:10:34.026 line:5%
Because now we had twins.
1039
01:10:37.279 --> 01:10:38.697 line:5%
Aquinnah and Schuyler.
1040
01:10:41.366 --> 01:10:42.868 line:5%
And I get back to my family.
1041
01:10:43.493 --> 01:10:45.746
Sam was happy I was home, but mad at me.
1042
01:10:47.706 --> 01:10:49.958 line:5%
Mom, I'm gonna try...
1043
01:10:49.958 --> 01:10:51.168 line:5%
It's time.
1044
01:10:53.587 --> 01:10:54.588 line:5%
So, what do I do?
1045
01:10:57.799 --> 01:10:59.801 line:5%
- Left turn.
- I think it's wobbling.
1046
01:10:59.801 --> 01:11:02.513 line:5%
You got it though. You got it. You own it.
1047
01:11:02.513 --> 01:11:05.682 line:5%
You're on it. You're on it. Go, go, go.
Keep going. Go, go, go.
1048
01:11:05.682 --> 01:11:06.934 line:5%
I made up my mind.
1049
01:11:17.569 --> 01:11:18.904
I was going home to television.
1050
01:11:20.030 --> 01:11:23.867
And I thought, "Yeah, there's nothing like
to walk out into a set
1051
01:11:23.867 --> 01:11:26.578
and drop a line
and have them go fucking crazy."
1052
01:11:26.578 --> 01:11:30.165
I just figured, since the Daily News
says we were seen eating dinner,
1053
01:11:30.165 --> 01:11:31.542
we might as well do it.
1054
01:11:32.167 --> 01:11:34.962
You know, the Post
says we're sleeping together.
1055
01:11:36.713 --> 01:11:38.966
- Did you get the last approval ratings?
- Right here, Mike.
1056
01:11:39.466 --> 01:11:43.595
The reviews were terrific,
and ratings suggested long-term success.
1057
01:11:47.933 --> 01:11:50.853 line:5%
With schedules that meshed perfectly
with the rhythms of my family.
1058
01:11:50.853 --> 01:11:52.104 line:5%
Schuyler, walk to me.
1059
01:11:57.150 --> 01:11:59.069
And the situation was near perfect.
1060
01:11:59.069 --> 01:12:00.988
It's called "Spin." Power of persuasion.
1061
01:12:00.988 --> 01:12:03.115
Making people believe
what I want them to believe.
1062
01:12:03.115 --> 01:12:04.741
It's what I do. It is my gift.
1063
01:12:04.741 --> 01:12:05.868
You were amazing.
1064
01:12:05.868 --> 01:12:07.661
Yeah, no problem.
1065
01:12:07.661 --> 01:12:10.831
It was fun pretending.
1066
01:12:15.961 --> 01:12:17.880
All right, the mayor prepared
to speak about the strike?
1067
01:12:17.880 --> 01:12:18.922
I worked on it all night, Mike.
1068
01:12:20.674 --> 01:12:22.968
All right, sir.
We're going on earlier than we thought.
1069
01:12:28.348 --> 01:12:31.643
The stress with doing a weekly show
in front of a studio audience
1070
01:12:33.020 --> 01:12:34.771
was exacerbating my symptoms.
1071
01:12:35.814 --> 01:12:37.983
The whole of my left arm
would be tremoring,
1072
01:12:39.401 --> 01:12:41.403
forceful enough to shake my entire body.
1073
01:12:43.530 --> 01:12:44.948
It would just twist you.
1074
01:12:44.948 --> 01:12:46.867
Then I'd lie on the floor
twisting and waiting,
1075
01:12:46.867 --> 01:12:49.203
and I'd have an audience outside
waiting for me to go do a scene.
1076
01:12:52.206 --> 01:12:55.667
I could not only hear
their feet shuffling, I could feel them.
1077
01:13:00.506 --> 01:13:02.216
Please, join us.
1078
01:13:02.216 --> 01:13:04.426
All the while, I was doing the math.
1079
01:13:05.052 --> 01:13:08.597
How long since the last pill?
How long until it wears off?
1080
01:13:10.432 --> 01:13:11.475
If the warning came
1081
01:13:11.475 --> 01:13:13.852
when I was in the middle of
a four- to five-minute scene,
1082
01:13:14.353 --> 01:13:17.481
there wasn't anything I could do
to stave off the return of my symptoms.
1083
01:13:20.317 --> 01:13:24.321
Fred, Joe,
pleasure to see you guys, as always.
1084
01:13:24.321 --> 01:13:25.280
I was just thinking...
1085
01:13:29.368 --> 01:13:32.246
And still,
no one outside of my family knew.
1086
01:13:34.873 --> 01:13:36.333
I'm living a lie.
1087
01:13:37.918 --> 01:13:40.295
Can't go on with this.
This has gotta stop.
1088
01:13:44.675 --> 01:13:48.136
You start to feel people looking at you,
1089
01:13:48.762 --> 01:13:51.265
staring, judging,
1090
01:13:52.724 --> 01:13:55.561
gazing into the very recesses
of your soul.
1091
01:13:57.145 --> 01:13:59.857
- Yeah, speed.
- Roll cameras.
1092
01:14:10.909 --> 01:14:11.910
We're ready, Michael.
1093
01:14:11.910 --> 01:14:13.871
- Wait, how's that?
- Good.
1094
01:14:13.871 --> 01:14:14.955
Here we go.
1095
01:14:30.637 --> 01:14:33.182
To me, the worst thing is restraint,
1096
01:14:33.182 --> 01:14:38.687
and the worst thing is to be confined
and not be able to have a way out.
1097
01:14:39.730 --> 01:14:41.690
And there were times when I went,
"There's no way out of this."
1098
01:14:48.864 --> 01:14:51.325
I'd spruce up the walls
with fist-sized holes.
1099
01:15:09.885 --> 01:15:11.762
You're only as sick as your secrets.
1100
01:15:16.350 --> 01:15:19.228
If you feel comfortable,
you can let go of the bar.
1101
01:15:19.228 --> 01:15:22.898
If you don't, try and keep the pressure
off that right hand.
1102
01:15:24.149 --> 01:15:25.150
Good. I'm here.
1103
01:15:26.151 --> 01:15:28.278
Good. Move your right foot
to the right a little bit.
1104
01:15:29.029 --> 01:15:30.239
Even more. There you go.
1105
01:15:30.239 --> 01:15:31.323
So, what happened?
1106
01:15:31.323 --> 01:15:32.491
Let's see if you can stay here.
1107
01:15:32.491 --> 01:15:33.909
I fucking hurt myself again.
1108
01:15:36.912 --> 01:15:39.164
I tripped over a carpet,
and I broke my hand,
1109
01:15:39.164 --> 01:15:40.832
and I had pins put in my hand.
1110
01:15:41.959 --> 01:15:43.836
But the area around the pins got infected,
1111
01:15:43.836 --> 01:15:46.421
and then there was the option of
just taking my finger off.
1112
01:15:49.716 --> 01:15:50.926
And then I broke my arm.
1113
01:15:52.594 --> 01:15:55.389
And the people around me were going,
"You gotta be careful."
1114
01:15:55.389 --> 01:15:57.057
I said, "This has nothing to do with
being careful.
1115
01:15:57.057 --> 01:15:58.392
This is just, like-- This happens.
1116
01:15:58.392 --> 01:16:01.019
You have Parkinson's, you trip over shit,
and you fall down."
1117
01:16:01.979 --> 01:16:04.064
Try and lift your chest
just a little bit more.
1118
01:16:04.064 --> 01:16:05.148
There you go.
1119
01:16:10.112 --> 01:16:12.406
- Nice job. Do you--
- Don't put Mikey in a corner.
1120
01:16:14.408 --> 01:16:19.079
When I find you
talking about the shitty stuff,
1121
01:16:19.079 --> 01:16:22.165
I see you sort of get close to it
and then dart away.
1122
01:16:27.504 --> 01:16:29.298
Careful with this right hand.
1123
01:16:29.298 --> 01:16:30.382
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
1124
01:16:30.966 --> 01:16:32.467
- Good. Have a seat.
- I'm okay.
1125
01:16:32.467 --> 01:16:33.844
- You want-- You sure?
- Yeah.
1126
01:16:36.346 --> 01:16:38.724
- This is where I can't use my--
- Right.
1127
01:16:39.308 --> 01:16:42.311
See, the core is still there.
Those are obliques.
1128
01:16:42.311 --> 01:16:44.062
- Yeah.
- Right. How you feeling?
1129
01:16:45.105 --> 01:16:46.106
Okay.
1130
01:16:46.106 --> 01:16:49.109
I've interviewed you
for hours and hours and hours.
1131
01:16:49.109 --> 01:16:51.278
You've never told me once, "I'm in pain."
1132
01:16:54.114 --> 01:16:55.866
- I'm in pain.
- You are?
1133
01:16:55.866 --> 01:16:57.951
I'm in intense pain.
1134
01:16:58.952 --> 01:17:03.207
Five, four, three, two, one. And relax.
1135
01:17:03.207 --> 01:17:05.709
- That's making it really hurt.
- The shoulder? Here?
1136
01:17:05.709 --> 01:17:09.254
Every tremor is like a seismic jolt.
1137
01:17:09.254 --> 01:17:11.006
- Do you wanna sit upright?
- Yeah, I do.
1138
01:17:11.006 --> 01:17:12.382
Do you wanna sit in the chair?
1139
01:17:12.382 --> 01:17:14.593
- Anything but what I'm doing right now.
- Okay.
1140
01:17:15.177 --> 01:17:16.470
But why wouldn't you tell me--
1141
01:17:16.470 --> 01:17:18.430
- This is about us talking...
- Well, it didn't come up.
1142
01:17:18.430 --> 01:17:20.349
...and telling the truth.
Why wouldn't you tell me about your pain?
1143
01:17:20.349 --> 01:17:22.893
It didn't come up.
I'm not gonna lead with it.
1144
01:17:27.356 --> 01:17:28.524
Good. Don't plop.
1145
01:17:29.066 --> 01:17:31.235
No jolts. Good.
1146
01:17:33.195 --> 01:17:34.196
I'm okay.
1147
01:17:35.989 --> 01:17:37.824
- I just wanna feel better.
- Yeah.
1148
01:17:37.824 --> 01:17:40.327
And it seems to me I can see clearly--
1149
01:17:40.827 --> 01:17:42.871
more clearly the things I need to do
to feel better.
1150
01:17:43.830 --> 01:17:45.999
But it's this Michael J. Fox stuff.
1151
01:17:47.125 --> 01:17:48.877
People express to me
that I make them feel better,
1152
01:17:48.877 --> 01:17:51.213
I make them do things
they might not otherwise do.
1153
01:17:51.213 --> 01:17:54.174
And that's the most powerful thing
you could ever feel,
1154
01:17:54.174 --> 01:17:55.926
and that's a huge responsibility.
1155
01:17:56.468 --> 01:17:58.428
- And I don't want to fuck it up.
- Right.
1156
01:18:01.306 --> 01:18:05.644
It's okay not to be
Michael J. Fox sometimes.
1157
01:18:18.615 --> 01:18:21.702
Michael J. Fox
kept something very private.
1158
01:18:23.453 --> 01:18:25.205
Something about his health.
1159
01:18:25.205 --> 01:18:29.459
Now he's gone public with the fact
that he has Parkinson's disease.
1160
01:18:29.459 --> 01:18:32.087
Michael J. Fox,
one of America's best-loved actors
1161
01:18:32.087 --> 01:18:35.007
has decided to publicly announce that
he's been battling Parkinson's disease.
1162
01:18:35.007 --> 01:18:37.176
...shocked the
entertainment world when he announced
1163
01:18:37.176 --> 01:18:39.261
he has been battling Parkinson's disease.
1164
01:18:39.261 --> 01:18:41.346
...and has had it for seven years.
1165
01:18:42.890 --> 01:18:45.267
Michael,
all this week we have been hearing
1166
01:18:45.267 --> 01:18:47.603
that you have this devastating disease,
1167
01:18:47.603 --> 01:18:51.315
that it is life-threatening,
that you are in the fight for your life.
1168
01:18:52.232 --> 01:18:53.901
Do you feel relieved now?
1169
01:18:54.484 --> 01:18:56.236
Oh, my God. What have I done?
1170
01:18:58.405 --> 01:18:59.781
What is his prognosis?
1171
01:18:59.781 --> 01:19:02.034
Within ten years,
he will have serious disabilities.
1172
01:19:02.659 --> 01:19:04.703
Balance problems with frequent falls.
1173
01:19:05.370 --> 01:19:07.497
I think he's got
a tough road ahead of him.
1174
01:19:10.125 --> 01:19:11.543
Are you at all concerned
1175
01:19:11.543 --> 01:19:13.837
that now audiences
will look at you differently?
1176
01:19:18.300 --> 01:19:20.677
This will be my first time
in front of a studio audience
1177
01:19:20.677 --> 01:19:22.346
since I disclosed my diagnosis.
1178
01:19:25.140 --> 01:19:28.810
My fear was that they would reject me,
and that they would not understand it,
1179
01:19:30.270 --> 01:19:31.939
that because I was sick,
I couldn't be funny.
1180
01:19:34.274 --> 01:19:36.902
And I had to hope
that they could accept me.
1181
01:19:38.111 --> 01:19:40.155
- We got speed.
- Roll cameras.
1182
01:19:40.155 --> 01:19:41.907
- Mark.
- And action.
1183
01:19:47.120 --> 01:19:48.580
We meet again, Mr. Bond.
1184
01:19:58.090 --> 01:19:59.091
There.
1185
01:20:00.217 --> 01:20:01.677
Deal with that, Bobo Fischer.
1186
01:20:15.983 --> 01:20:16.984
I knew that.
1187
01:20:20.487 --> 01:20:21.947
That's a bold move.
1188
01:20:25.200 --> 01:20:27.202
And I got this huge reaction.
1189
01:20:28.036 --> 01:20:30.998
You have chosen poorly.
1190
01:20:36.170 --> 01:20:37.004
Checkmate.
1191
01:20:37.004 --> 01:20:39.590
Like, that's love that can't help itself.
1192
01:20:48.974 --> 01:20:52.019
Do you feel like you have a 90-year-old
like, dad, or...
1193
01:20:52.519 --> 01:20:55.606
'Cause I don't feel like 90 years old,
but I-- Well, you sometimes get mad at me.
1194
01:20:55.606 --> 01:20:57.441
Like, you guys all say,
"Be careful, be careful."
1195
01:20:57.441 --> 01:21:00.777
I say that I'm being careful. Like,
what, do I set out to not be careful?
1196
01:21:00.777 --> 01:21:03.488
Nobody thinks your agenda
isn't to be careful.
1197
01:21:03.488 --> 01:21:06.200
It's that that maybe isn't--
1198
01:21:07.367 --> 01:21:08.493
The first thing--
1199
01:21:08.493 --> 01:21:10.787
It's lower on the list of things
than it is for us.
1200
01:21:11.371 --> 01:21:12.372
So--
1201
01:21:13.582 --> 01:21:16.251
So I just have to make sure, you know?
And I'd rather--
1202
01:21:17.002 --> 01:21:18.462
It's great if you understand
what I'm saying,
1203
01:21:18.462 --> 01:21:19.963
but I'd rather you don't fall over.
1204
01:21:19.963 --> 01:21:21.423
- I'm working on it.
- Yeah.
1205
01:21:23.800 --> 01:21:26.428
I can look at myself, and I say,
"I have Parkinson's."
1206
01:21:27.095 --> 01:21:28.597
So, how do I wanna live with that?
1207
01:21:30.557 --> 01:21:32.434
But if I never get past the
"I have Parkinson's" part,
1208
01:21:32.434 --> 01:21:34.520
if I never get past the part
where I wake up in the morning
1209
01:21:34.520 --> 01:21:36.480
and I go, "Yeah, that's real.
That's happening,"
1210
01:21:37.105 --> 01:21:38.607
then I can't get past it.
1211
01:21:38.607 --> 01:21:41.443
You know, this is the first time
that I've had a chance to talk with--
1212
01:21:41.443 --> 01:21:44.071
the first time you've been on the show
since you had your press conference
1213
01:21:44.071 --> 01:21:45.405
- and announced that you...
- Right.
1214
01:21:45.405 --> 01:21:46.532
...have Parkinson's disease.
1215
01:21:46.532 --> 01:21:48.033
- And I just-- I think folks...
- Yeah.
1216
01:21:48.033 --> 01:21:50.118
...well, you know--
How's it been going since?
1217
01:21:50.118 --> 01:21:51.286
What was the reaction
of that announcement?
1218
01:21:51.286 --> 01:21:53.121
Pretty much the same. It didn't change.
1219
01:21:53.121 --> 01:21:54.831
- I still have it. So...
- Yeah?
1220
01:21:59.044 --> 01:22:02.464
After all those years of
hiding my symptoms, I could let it go.
1221
01:22:03.590 --> 01:22:09.137
I suffer from a condition,
and it makes me do this,
1222
01:22:09.972 --> 01:22:11.765
and this, and...
1223
01:22:13.851 --> 01:22:15.227
Uh-oh.
1224
01:22:15.227 --> 01:22:17.938
If you just look at me long enough,
you get used to it.
1225
01:22:17.938 --> 01:22:21.733
I realized I didn't have to
do anything other than be myself.
1226
01:22:21.733 --> 01:22:23.735
Sometimes when I take
a little bit too much medication,
1227
01:22:23.735 --> 01:22:26.238
I get that kind of swaying thing.
I do the kind of Axl Rose thing.
1228
01:22:27.865 --> 01:22:31.577
So, if you see that, you know, just kind
of hum "Paradise City" in your mind.
1229
01:22:33.579 --> 01:22:37.624
I was still me, people recognized.
Just me plus Parkinson's.
1230
01:22:38.709 --> 01:22:41.170
Oh, Jesus Christ.
1231
01:22:41.170 --> 01:22:42.838
- What the hell?
- You want?
1232
01:22:44.298 --> 01:22:46.008
Did you shake that up on purpose?
1233
01:22:46.925 --> 01:22:47.759
Parkinson's.
1234
01:22:49.761 --> 01:22:52.598
Some people would view the news of
my disease as an ending.
1235
01:22:53.599 --> 01:22:56.518
But I was starting to sense that
it was really a beginning.
1236
01:22:57.102 --> 01:22:59.521
Actor Michael J. Fox
testified before Congress,
1237
01:22:59.521 --> 01:23:02.983
asking for an increase in research funding
for Parkinson's disease.
1238
01:23:04.276 --> 01:23:08.155
"I'm here to tell you that administering
a successful research program
1239
01:23:08.155 --> 01:23:09.448
is not rocket science.
1240
01:23:09.948 --> 01:23:13.619
It's mostly common sense and the will
to get things done. Thank you."
1241
01:23:14.161 --> 01:23:15.454
Good stuff, Michael.
1242
01:23:17.122 --> 01:23:18.624
I never actually said this to anybody,
1243
01:23:18.624 --> 01:23:20.000
but I always fantasized saying it.
1244
01:23:20.000 --> 01:23:22.753
"Yeah, you're bigger than me.
You'll beat me up.
1245
01:23:23.587 --> 01:23:26.089
But I'll hit you once, and you'll hurt."
1246
01:23:28.800 --> 01:23:30.511
And I knew that moment.
1247
01:23:34.932 --> 01:23:38.477
Muhammad Ali and
Michael J. Fox joining a chorus of voices
1248
01:23:38.477 --> 01:23:40.354
saying money is desperately needed.
1249
01:23:41.355 --> 01:23:45.025
I wanted to be in the world and not
take this and retreat from the world.
1250
01:23:45.734 --> 01:23:47.694
It made me realize
what I still have to give.
1251
01:23:48.862 --> 01:23:51.448
Find it extremely moving--
no pun intended--
1252
01:23:51.448 --> 01:23:53.367
to be here today and reach out...
1253
01:23:54.034 --> 01:23:57.204 line:5%
The Fox Foundation has
revolutionized scientific philanthropy,
1254
01:23:57.788 --> 01:24:02.125
mobilized the Parkinson's community
and raised nearly two billion dollars.
1255
01:24:06.713 --> 01:24:10.551
I was ten years after my Parkinson's
diagnosis when Esmé was born.
1256
01:24:12.386 --> 01:24:13.846
Hello, I...
1257
01:24:15.722 --> 01:24:17.891
Go see Daddy. Go give Daddy a kiss.
1258
01:24:18.559 --> 01:24:20.435
- Look at Dad.
- What's Daddy doing?
1259
01:24:20.435 --> 01:24:21.603
Look at Daddy, Esmé.
1260
01:24:21.603 --> 01:24:22.771
The kids are the best,
1261
01:24:22.771 --> 01:24:25.607
because kids will just say,
"Will you stop moving around?"
1262
01:24:31.154 --> 01:24:32.155
I'm sure.
1263
01:24:32.781 --> 01:24:34.950
I say, "I'll give it a shot, hon."
1264
01:24:42.082 --> 01:24:43.083
- No.
- In love.
1265
01:24:43.083 --> 01:24:45.085
- No. They're...
- They're flying.
1266
01:24:45.794 --> 01:24:47.379
- They're dancing.
- Okay, good.
1267
01:24:47.379 --> 01:24:49.548
- Would you guys like to switch teams...
- But what--
1268
01:24:49.548 --> 01:24:52.092
...because we've been winning,
or do you wanna keep the same teams?
1269
01:24:52.092 --> 01:24:54.178
I like the teams we're on, but...
1270
01:24:54.178 --> 01:24:56.221
- I'm tragic at this game.
- It's not her fault. It's my fault.
1271
01:24:56.221 --> 01:24:57.639
But I was thinking-- Yeah.
1272
01:24:57.639 --> 01:24:58.557
Do you see it?
1273
01:24:58.557 --> 01:25:00.184
- Oh, yeah.
- You got it?
1274
01:25:02.895 --> 01:25:03.812
You.
1275
01:25:04.313 --> 01:25:05.814
- You got it already?
- Yeah.
1276
01:25:05.814 --> 01:25:07.024
I just had me.
1277
01:25:07.649 --> 01:25:08.817
It was me?
1278
01:25:08.817 --> 01:25:10.110
It was me, not you.
1279
01:25:10.110 --> 01:25:12.154
He thinks it was "Michael J. Fox."
1280
01:25:16.033 --> 01:25:18.243
The thing about motion with me is,
I've always been moving,
1281
01:25:18.243 --> 01:25:19.912
and maybe that's because I'm small.
1282
01:25:19.912 --> 01:25:22.456
I've always been moving,
and I always counted on movement
1283
01:25:22.456 --> 01:25:24.791
to not only propel me from place to place,
1284
01:25:24.791 --> 01:25:28.545
but to express myself as I propelled
from place to place, and to be who I am.
1285
01:25:37.554 --> 01:25:41.183
But the thing that I learned
was that I couldn't be still in my life.
1286
01:25:41.183 --> 01:25:43.477
I couldn't be present in my life.
1287
01:25:52.361 --> 01:25:54.696
Until I found this thing happened to me
1288
01:25:54.696 --> 01:25:56.657
that made me present
in every moment of my life,
1289
01:25:56.657 --> 01:25:57.783
because it was shaking me awake.
1290
01:26:01.161 --> 01:26:02.162
There you go.