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YTS.MX
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- You may be seated.
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You know,
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when some comedians
start off their set,
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they will say something like,
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"Let me tell you
a little bit about me."
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Well, this...
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is my version...
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of that.
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My mother had me
when she was 42.
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Because before that age,
she was...
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- busy.
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See, my mother
made the money in our house.
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She was 12 years older
than my father
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and refused...
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to legally marry him.
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What does being a woman
mean to me?
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It means being a man.
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In our house,
when Mother kissed us goodnight,
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- she kissed us twice.
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Once for the evening and...
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once to make up for not
being there the next day.
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But don’t fret on me,
Los Angeles, no.
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See, I was raised
by my real mom.
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Mi madre real.
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Gloria Lopez Cabrera.
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- That's right, she taught me
everything that I know.
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She is the reason why
when I burn my hand,
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instead of saying, "Ow!"
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I say, (hisses) "Ay!"
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But let's go back even further.
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The year was 1995,
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and Mommy and Daddy
wanted a boy.
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So genetic engineers
sorted through my father's...
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- genetic material...
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and eliminated
all of the sperm
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with the XX
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"female" chromosomes.
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All but one.
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Nine months later,
Mama's little boy arrived a girl
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as a reminder to my parents
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that if they
wanted to play god,
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they'd have to deal
with the devil herself.
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So that's why
when people ask me
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if it's tough being
a female comedian
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so outnumbered by men,
I just tell them,
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"Baby, this ain't
my first fuckin' rodeo."
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- Let's begin.
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Anybody ever done DMT?
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Alright...
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For those of you who don't know,
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DMT is a psychedelic chemical
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released in all of our brains...
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- when we die.
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Say what you will about the guy,
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nice of God to sprinkle
that in there, huh?
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He was like, "Yeah,
you know, unfortunately,
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human beings,
you guys do, eventually..."
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"...have to die. But, uh..."
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"...right before you do...
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"you're gonna fucking
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- live."
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Me, I don't do
drugs much anymore
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because I smoked
Los Angeles chronic marijuana
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four-plus times a day
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- during vital stages
of my brain’s development.
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So I am what scientists
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and doctors have referred to
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in several articles
and medical journals as...
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"ruined." And my friends,
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they try to get me
to do mushrooms
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and acid with them.
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They say...
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that it will expand my mind.
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Okay, one time
I saw a spider’s web
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with drops of rainwater
caught in it,
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and I stared at it so long,
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I was one hour
and 45 minutes late to work.
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- My boss said, "Hannah,
this is unacceptable.
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I expect more from you."
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I said, "Miss Valdez...
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"who told you to do that?
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"We work at a coffee shop
in the epicenter
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"of West Hollywood
elitist douchebaggery.
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"I serve one purpose
in this establishment.
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"I boost the morale
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-"of the other baristas.
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"I’m comic relief, baby.
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"Nothin' more, nothin' less.
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"So do you want me
to be on time,
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"Or do you want me
to prevent Victoria
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from murdering the third lead
on a CW show?"
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And second of all...
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and most importantly...
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the spider’s web is more
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than just a habitat
for the spider.
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It is designed by nature
as a mechanism for death,
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designed to kill,
but what finds itself trapped
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in the spider's web but water,
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the essence of life?
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I looked up from
the spider's web
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and saw the sun shining through
a leaf on a tree,
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causing it to wither
and fall to the earth dead,
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where, ironically,
the tree couldn't have grown
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in the first place were it not
for the very same sun
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responsible for
the leaf's death.
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If I do acid,
I will never come back.
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When I die, and I plan to,
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I am going to donate
my body to science,
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so they can study the effects
drug use has had on my brain.
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But mostly, if I'm being honest,
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‘cause I think those nerds
deserve to see a 10
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- naked in the flesh
for once, am I right?
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I smoked all that weed
to take the edge off of
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the 40 milligrams
of Adderall I took
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every day for six years.
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And I'm pretty excited.
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The neurodivergentissance
is upon us, folks!
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- ADHD is hot right now, y'all.
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Woo, ADHD Army, baby!
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- Worst army ever.
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Everybody's setting their alarm
for p.m. instead of a.m.,
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- they missed the damn battle!
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The sergeant's like, "Maggots!
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- What was I just talkin' about?"
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Here's what I think.
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I think
the gross overprescription
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of amphetamine-based stimulants
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to increase productivity
under capitalism
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has tricked people into thinking
that everyone has ADHD,
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when really,
most people just hate their jobs
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- and need to be
high on drugs to do them.
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- And--
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And when you have ADD and ADHD,
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everyone in your life
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will tell you that
you should...
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- meditate.
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In an attempt to gain
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some sense of mental control.
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But, because I have ADHD,
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every time I try to meditate,
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the inside of my brain
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sounds like this.
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♪ Here we go ♪
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♪ Let the bodies hit the floor,
let the bodies hit the... ♪
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♪ Floor! ♪
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- So I don’t do it.
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Last week, after 15 years
of seeing my therapist,
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she suggested
that I try hypnosis.
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Okay, not really landing
with the crowd. No problem.
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It’s all good.
I’m gonna go ahead.
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- I’m gonna rephrase it for ya.
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I have the power to do that.
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I’ll go right ahead.
Here we go.
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Okay, so last week...
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...after 15...
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- years...
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of seeing...
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a medical professional...
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she suggested...
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that I see...
a magician!
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So that she could cast
a spell on me!
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Let’s be clear.
It should not cost
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US dollars to be hypnotized.
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It should cost
an eccentric favor.
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Like I should go to pay for it
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and the hypnotist
should be like,
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"Oh no, my child.
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"For it is not money
that I seek.
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"You must carry a pig
to the top of a mountainside
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"and let it drink from
the stream there every day
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"at sunset until the full moon!
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- Or CashApp.
It was a long year."
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I’m like, "Great, what's
your CashApp?" She's like,
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"Oh, it’s just my name."
I'm like, "Okay, well,
what’s your name?"
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She's like,
"Oh, it's actually..."
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But enough about me.
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Let's talk about you!
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By round of applause,
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how many of you here tonight
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genuinely believe
that you are...
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a good person.
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Okay, seems a bit high, um--
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Listen, I'm with the folks
who didn't clap.
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I, uh, I know
for a fact that I'm not...
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a good person.
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I'm really only
a good person on paper.
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You know, like, um,
like I’m a vegan,
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I drive a Prius,
voted for Bernie Sanders.
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Thrice.
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But I didn’t do
any of those things
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out of the goodness of my heart,
you know?
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I mean, what,
you think I’m a vegan
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because I care about
the lives of innocent,
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voiceless animals
slaughtered every day? No!
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No, I’m a vegan
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because I wanted
to reduce my risk
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of getting cancer,
but didn't wanna give up
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huffing paint.
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You think I drive a Prius
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because I care
about the environment?
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45 bucks for the whole tank,
my guy!
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- Money!
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You think I voted for Bernie
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because he'd been
on the right side of history
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since the beginning
of his political career
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and that a Sanders presidency
would uplift the most neglected
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and deserving Americans
on the dollar of the 1%
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- and evil corporations? No!
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I voted for him
because he had the best body.
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00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:58,583
- Bernie Sanders,
I love that crazy guy.
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He emails me!
Signed up for the blast.
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00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:05,382
And, uh, those subject lines
are out of fucking pocket.
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00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:10,136
Bernie emailed me last week, and
the subject line was literally,
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00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,723
"Hannah, it's not good!"
I was like,
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00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,767
yeah, we know.
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In 1949, a man
named Alfred Steferud
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00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,986
wrote an article in
the USDA Journal of Agriculture,
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00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:30,740
and in it, he recommended
that city and urban planners
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only plant trees
of the male variety
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because he said,
"Trees of the female variety
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"littered cumbersome
seeds and fruit
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00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,626
that made
the streets unbecoming."
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So, of course, in America
in 1949, they were like,
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"Ew! We don't want
these bitch trees..."
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00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,849
"...to get their periods
on the sidewalk!"
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00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,477
"Gross!"
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00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,984
And so, it was done.
If you can believe it,
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00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,653
in 1949, in cities
across this country,
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00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:11,823
almost exclusively
male trees were planted,
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where the number of people
with seasonal allergies
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at the time was 15 million.
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00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:20,665
That number today
is upwards of 230 million,
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00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,167
and no one...
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00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,836
has them worse...
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00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,673
than me. I am allergic
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00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,842
to pollen, dust, gluten, dairy,
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00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,678
all animals with fur, feathers,
grass, stone fruit,
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medical contrast, amoxicillin,
red dye number 40,
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00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,184
and, according to my ex,
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00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:42,228
- the touch of a man. Now...
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00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:55,033
We all know that trees filter
toxic chemicals in the air
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00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,077
through pores in their leaves
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00:17:57,077 --> 00:18:00,163
and rerelease cleaner air.
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00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,375
But what I've gathered
everyone tonight to discuss...
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00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,879
...is where the chemicals
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00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:11,549
that the trees absorb end up.
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00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:15,345
- Well...
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00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:19,307
if we had planted girl trees,
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00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:22,060
who don't...
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00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,938
produce pollen...
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00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,899
at all...
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00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,527
And a hush fell over the crowd.
Yeah!
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00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:33,071
The chemicals would've been
transferred to the seeds
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00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:36,074
that fall off the trees
and roll down into the gutter,
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00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:39,411
but since we had to plant
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00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:42,997
- these fuck-ass boy trees!
259
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:47,085
Guess where the chemicals
260
00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:51,089
that the trees absorb end up?
261
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:55,427
In the pollen.
262
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,602
You wanna talk to me
263
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,605
about toxic masculinity?
264
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,570
You guys are breathing
in a tide pod
265
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,781
every time you walk out
the front door!
266
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,409
And I’m not the type of person
267
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:23,288
to bring up a problem
without proposing a solution.
268
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:27,125
And I think it’s pretty clear
in this case.
269
00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:34,632
- Goodnight!
No, can you imagine?
270
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:42,474
We gotta kill all those trees.
Listen!
271
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,601
I’m not talkin' about
272
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:47,270
the trees in
the wild, baby! No!
273
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,647
I'm not talking about them.
They operate under a system
274
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,108
so intricate, I do not have
the time to get into it.
275
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:54,819
"No, Hannah,
please get into it!" Okay!
276
00:19:56,821 --> 00:20:00,825
Trees in the wild operate under
essentially botanical communism.
277
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,161
They distribute nutrients
through their roots
278
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,205
based on which tree needs what.
279
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:08,875
Trees here will warn trees miles
and miles away of predators,
280
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,794
so that those trees
can emit a substance
281
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,379
that makes
their bark taste weird.
282
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,297
That's right.
They're sending messages.
283
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:17,676
Messages underground.
Trees have access to language.
284
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:21,513
And you guys are just
sleeping at night? I'm up!
285
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,019
Trees in the wild
are intricate societies,
286
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:31,022
all helmed upon the power
of the feminine mother trees,
287
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,857
and we must protect them.
288
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:36,653
- But these city fuck boys?
289
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:41,366
What could they possibly
be talking about down there?
290
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:44,077
- They're all men.
291
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,537
It probably sounds
like an episode
292
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:48,164
of "The Joe Rogan Experience."
293
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:51,209
- Kill them!
294
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:01,052
And the bees
are working overtime!
295
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:05,515
I saw a bee pollinating
a flower 11:45 at night.
296
00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:09,060
- I said, "Clock out, king,
you're working too hard!"
297
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:11,730
Oh, my God!
Bees are pathetic!
298
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,606
"Gotta work, gotta work,
gotta work for the queen,
gotta work for the queen."
299
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:17,402
- She doesn't think
about you at all!
300
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:20,405
Save the bees? Yeah,
301
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:24,409
from a polyamorous
monarchical tyrant!
302
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:45,805
Fifteen more minutes of this?
303
00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:52,771
No, but we do. We do have
to save the bees, you guys.
304
00:21:52,771 --> 00:21:55,273
In all seriousness.
No bees?
305
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,444
No crops.
306
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:02,364
No crops?
307
00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:06,451
No food.
308
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:08,912
No food?
309
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,455
Skinny!
310
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,791
- No! No!
311
00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:14,542
- No!
312
00:22:16,211 --> 00:22:17,545
No.
313
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:21,841
No, we gotta save them.
We gotta save them.
314
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:25,595
Um, and they are being--
They are being killed,
315
00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:28,473
and really, mostly, it's climate
change killing the bees, folks.
316
00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:31,476
I hate to-- I hate to say it,
but it's the truth.
317
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:35,480
Climate change is here.
318
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,024
It's not happening soon.
It's happening now.
319
00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:43,321
- Tonight, tonight, tonight.
320
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:45,073
Everything must go.
321
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:49,953
And humanity is,
322
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,663
aside from everyone
in this room...
323
00:22:59,838 --> 00:23:02,340
Humanity is a toxic...
324
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:06,344
abusive...
325
00:23:06,344 --> 00:23:08,680
- husband.
326
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,850
And climate change
327
00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:15,395
is just Planet Earth...
328
00:23:18,064 --> 00:23:20,400
recognizing...
329
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,862
her worth
330
00:23:25,697 --> 00:23:28,366
and filing for a divorce.
331
00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:31,161
And you wanna know what I think?
As a friend.
332
00:23:31,161 --> 00:23:34,831
- Good for her! Good for her.
333
00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:38,376
- I imagine Planet Earth
334
00:23:38,376 --> 00:23:42,255
on the 11th story
of a New York City
apartment building,
335
00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:46,551
throwing humanity's
shit out of the window
336
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:49,429
onto the sidewalk
like Marisa Tomei
337
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:52,098
- in "My Cousin Vinny."
338
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:53,725
Just goin'...
339
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:57,312
"4.5 billion years
I put into this!
340
00:23:58,229 --> 00:24:00,732
"And what? You think
you could just pollute me
341
00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:04,402
without protection, and then
move on to another planet?"
342
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:09,240
"G'head! G'head!
343
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,410
"You wanna go to Mars?
Go to Mars!
344
00:24:12,410 --> 00:24:16,414
"Frack that bitch for all
she's fuckin' worth!
345
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:19,584
"Which, by the way,
is fuckin' nothing!
346
00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:22,253
"She can't give you
half of what I gave you!
347
00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:25,632
"She doesn't even have water.
Me? I'm 71%
348
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:28,468
"and fuckin' rising,
thanks to you,
349
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:31,763
you fuckin' bastard!"
350
00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:57,497
-"I cook for you.
351
00:24:57,497 --> 00:24:59,624
"I clean for you.
352
00:24:59,624 --> 00:25:03,503
"I put a roof over your head,
and what have you given me, huh?
353
00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:07,465
"Couple of ex-cons doin'
a beach day clean-up
354
00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:10,885
"from 11 to 3 on Saturdays?
Fuck you!"
355
00:25:11,636 --> 00:25:13,638
Don't worry, guys, it's just me.
356
00:25:16,057 --> 00:25:17,308
That...
357
00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:26,860
That was the Earth.
358
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:31,656
Now, this...
359
00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:35,660
...is the sun.
360
00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:37,704
That was the Earth.
361
00:25:37,704 --> 00:25:39,831
This...
362
00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:42,375
- is the sun. Here we go.
363
00:25:47,756 --> 00:25:49,507
Don't look at me!
364
00:25:49,507 --> 00:25:52,427
- Okay, so that was the sun.
365
00:25:53,261 --> 00:25:54,804
Now...
366
00:25:56,890 --> 00:25:58,433
this...
367
00:26:01,186 --> 00:26:02,979
is the moon.
368
00:26:25,877 --> 00:26:28,129
Hello...
369
00:26:30,423 --> 00:26:31,716
Oh!
370
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:34,719
Did you just notice me?
371
00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:39,224
I’ve been watching you.
372
00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:44,062
I’ve been here since 3 p.m.
373
00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:49,901
Tell me.
374
00:26:51,736 --> 00:26:54,197
How does it feel
375
00:26:54,197 --> 00:26:57,283
to be warmed by
the glow of the sun?
376
00:27:02,997 --> 00:27:05,041
I’m so cold.
377
00:27:11,423 --> 00:27:13,925
Now, bleed! Bleed!
378
00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:17,554
I don’t know, I just get
that vibe from her.
379
00:27:24,269 --> 00:27:25,729
Would you believe it,
that reminded me
380
00:27:25,729 --> 00:27:27,439
of something
totally unrelated?
381
00:27:30,567 --> 00:27:32,068
I’d like to share with you now
382
00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:35,113
a recently resurfaced
repressed memory of mine.
383
00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:39,159
The year was 2009.
384
00:27:39,159 --> 00:27:41,453
My day started the way
it always did.
385
00:27:41,453 --> 00:27:42,954
I was 15 years old.
386
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:44,789
I woke up with
a slamming migraine.
387
00:27:44,789 --> 00:27:47,917
I took my Adderall with coffee
to make it subside.
388
00:27:47,917 --> 00:27:49,502
I drove to school,
389
00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:52,255
where I smoked weed
in the parking lot with a kid
390
00:27:52,255 --> 00:27:54,174
whose legal government name
391
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:56,634
was Legend Waters.
392
00:27:59,971 --> 00:28:02,140
And I came to
393
00:28:02,849 --> 00:28:06,353
while sitting in
my 7th period English class.
394
00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:11,149
When, suddenly...
395
00:28:13,151 --> 00:28:16,446
I felt the concave seat
396
00:28:16,446 --> 00:28:19,491
of my desk chair
397
00:28:19,491 --> 00:28:21,993
fill to the brim
398
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:26,373
- with a mystery liquid.
399
00:28:26,373 --> 00:28:29,834
I ran through the list of what
it could be. Number one...
400
00:28:30,835 --> 00:28:33,505
- number one.
401
00:28:33,505 --> 00:28:35,131
But no, it couldn't be that.
402
00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:37,175
I would've understood
that that needed to happen.
403
00:28:37,175 --> 00:28:39,386
Well, the only other liquid
404
00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:41,012
that had been
produced by my body
405
00:28:41,012 --> 00:28:43,890
up until this point
in time was...
406
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:47,394
tears, but I was on such
407
00:28:47,394 --> 00:28:50,480
a high dose of Adderall,
that sort of emotional range
408
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,899
would not have been
possible at the time.
409
00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:55,985
Finally,
410
00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:58,071
I looked down,
411
00:28:58,071 --> 00:29:00,073
and I saw...
412
00:29:01,032 --> 00:29:03,034
- blood.
413
00:29:07,038 --> 00:29:10,208
- I thought, dear God.
414
00:29:10,208 --> 00:29:12,711
This could only be one thing.
415
00:29:16,089 --> 00:29:18,508
- My liver is failing!
416
00:29:18,508 --> 00:29:20,844
Yeah, I thought
my liver was failing
417
00:29:20,844 --> 00:29:23,680
because I was really into
the hospital drama "House"
418
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,223
- at the time.
419
00:29:25,223 --> 00:29:27,767
That's always what that means
420
00:29:27,767 --> 00:29:29,686
on that show.
421
00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:34,691
But, no. This was it.
422
00:29:34,691 --> 00:29:37,235
In a room full of people,
423
00:29:37,235 --> 00:29:38,570
I was alone.
424
00:29:38,570 --> 00:29:41,906
I couldn't use my cell phone
425
00:29:41,906 --> 00:29:43,783
to text a friend
426
00:29:43,783 --> 00:29:46,578
because I didn't have
a cell phone,
427
00:29:46,578 --> 00:29:49,414
- and I didn't have friends.
428
00:29:49,414 --> 00:29:51,875
So I sat there,
429
00:29:51,875 --> 00:29:56,212
in a pool of my own blood,
430
00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:58,757
not moving a muscle,
431
00:29:58,757 --> 00:30:01,217
not making a sound
432
00:30:01,217 --> 00:30:05,555
for an hour and 45 minutes,
433
00:30:05,555 --> 00:30:07,432
until it was safe.
434
00:30:07,432 --> 00:30:09,642
The bell rang.
Mrs. Deaver said,
435
00:30:09,642 --> 00:30:13,271
"Ah, ah, ah! Class is not over
when the bell rings.
436
00:30:13,271 --> 00:30:16,775
Class is over
when I dismiss you."
437
00:30:16,775 --> 00:30:18,777
What a cunt.
438
00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:23,114
- What?
439
00:30:23,114 --> 00:30:24,949
The bell rang.
440
00:30:32,332 --> 00:30:34,292
Finally, she let the class go.
441
00:30:34,292 --> 00:30:35,835
All the students rushed out,
442
00:30:35,835 --> 00:30:39,464
aside from one who stayed behind
to ask Mrs. Deaver a question,
443
00:30:39,464 --> 00:30:41,424
and she approached
her desk to do it,
444
00:30:41,424 --> 00:30:44,344
blocking me from sight.
This was my out.
445
00:30:44,344 --> 00:30:47,806
I slid outta there
like butter on hot toast.
446
00:30:47,806 --> 00:30:49,974
- I slid outta there
447
00:30:49,974 --> 00:30:52,143
like a 110-pound teenage girl
448
00:30:52,143 --> 00:30:54,688
covered in blood.
449
00:30:57,315 --> 00:30:59,984
But I was now faced
with a new problem.
450
00:30:59,984 --> 00:31:02,445
I was out in the world,
naked and afraid,
451
00:31:02,445 --> 00:31:04,948
like a newly hatched iguana
on a beach
452
00:31:04,948 --> 00:31:08,118
filled with predatory snakes
blocking my voyage to the ocean,
453
00:31:08,118 --> 00:31:11,329
and thus my freedom.
Vulnerable. And, once again,
454
00:31:11,329 --> 00:31:14,332
- alone. Until...
455
00:31:14,332 --> 00:31:16,960
Rod Shayan approached me.
456
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,503
"Hey, dude," he said.
"What's up?"
457
00:31:18,503 --> 00:31:20,338
I said, "Nothing.
What's up with you?"
458
00:31:20,338 --> 00:31:23,049
He said, "What are you hiding?"
I said, "What are you hiding?"
459
00:31:31,433 --> 00:31:33,351
He turned me around,
460
00:31:33,351 --> 00:31:37,022
and he saw... everything.
461
00:31:37,022 --> 00:31:39,899
He began to laugh.
I began to laugh...
462
00:31:39,899 --> 00:31:42,235
- slash cry.
463
00:31:42,235 --> 00:31:44,779
I said, "Rod,
you have to help me!"
464
00:31:45,613 --> 00:31:47,574
So he stopped laughing,
465
00:31:47,574 --> 00:31:49,200
he took off his hoodie,
466
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,369
he tied it around my waist,
467
00:31:51,369 --> 00:31:53,413
and he walked me
to the principal's office,
468
00:31:53,413 --> 00:31:55,749
helped me call my mom,
469
00:31:55,749 --> 00:31:58,918
and when her car pulled up,
he put me inside.
470
00:31:58,918 --> 00:32:00,587
And just before we drove away,
471
00:32:00,587 --> 00:32:03,006
he bent down next to
the passenger's side window,
472
00:32:03,006 --> 00:32:04,716
and he went like this...
473
00:32:13,975 --> 00:32:16,478
- I rolled it down.
474
00:32:18,563 --> 00:32:19,773
Nah, I'm just kidding.
475
00:32:26,237 --> 00:32:29,032
He said, "Don't worry about it,
dude, I got four sisters.
476
00:32:29,032 --> 00:32:31,242
Definitely stock up
on some chocolate.
I'll see ya tomorrow!"
477
00:32:31,242 --> 00:32:35,080
- And then he tapped
the back of the car?!
478
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,291
Like we were a shipping
container full of goods?
479
00:32:45,632 --> 00:32:47,175
Once a month,
480
00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:51,262
at a time that is random...
481
00:32:53,556 --> 00:32:55,767
and never the same,
482
00:32:57,519 --> 00:33:00,772
I get a pang in my uterus,
483
00:33:00,772 --> 00:33:03,608
I lock eyes with the moon,
484
00:33:03,608 --> 00:33:07,112
and I shed my human skin
485
00:33:07,112 --> 00:33:09,572
and become a beast.
486
00:33:09,572 --> 00:33:12,659
Am I right, ladies?
487
00:33:16,788 --> 00:33:18,623
And there's this thing
in the zeitgeist,
488
00:33:18,623 --> 00:33:20,125
in film and television,
489
00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:22,585
where a woman's being insane,
and a man says,
490
00:33:22,585 --> 00:33:23,962
"Are you on your period?"
491
00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:26,506
And she kicks him
through a glass window.
492
00:33:27,132 --> 00:33:30,260
- And that's her right.
493
00:33:30,260 --> 00:33:32,303
But speaking for myself,
494
00:33:33,138 --> 00:33:34,639
always,
495
00:33:36,349 --> 00:33:37,851
once a month,
496
00:33:39,477 --> 00:33:42,647
I am on the verge
of assassinating
497
00:33:42,647 --> 00:33:45,483
an elected official,
498
00:33:45,483 --> 00:33:48,820
- murder-suicide style.
499
00:33:48,820 --> 00:33:53,033
And then, someone in my life
500
00:33:53,033 --> 00:33:55,660
comes to me, out of the goodness
of their heart,
501
00:33:55,660 --> 00:33:57,370
and they say, "Hey, Hannah!
502
00:34:01,082 --> 00:34:03,710
-"How you doing?
503
00:34:03,710 --> 00:34:05,795
"Totally. So, we just--
504
00:34:05,795 --> 00:34:07,213
"A couple--
We've just been worried.
505
00:34:07,213 --> 00:34:09,382
"We're talking.
We're worried about you.
506
00:34:09,382 --> 00:34:12,010
"Um, we just wanna know
what's up, what's going on
507
00:34:12,010 --> 00:34:14,346
"because we just--
Yeah, we've been
listening to some of the,
508
00:34:14,346 --> 00:34:16,681
"um, just the--
It's not a problem.
509
00:34:16,681 --> 00:34:18,850
"Just some of the stuff
you're doing and saying
510
00:34:18,850 --> 00:34:20,518
"is, is, is frightening.
511
00:34:20,518 --> 00:34:24,189
"So, we just-- And by the way,
this is a dialogue, right?
512
00:34:24,189 --> 00:34:25,648
"We wanna hear from you!
513
00:34:25,648 --> 00:34:27,734
-"But, uh...
514
00:34:27,734 --> 00:34:30,862
"is there any, uh, chance
that you are, um--
515
00:34:30,862 --> 00:34:34,407
"Just 'cause I know
there's, like, um, like a cycle,
516
00:34:34,407 --> 00:34:37,535
there's, like, several,
like, several, um, phases--
517
00:34:37,535 --> 00:34:40,163
"And by the way, by the way,
it's like, I wanna be wrong.
518
00:34:40,163 --> 00:34:42,707
"You know what I'm sayin'?
I want to.
519
00:34:42,707 --> 00:34:44,918
Um, I'm hoping I--
Whoa! Hey now.
520
00:34:44,918 --> 00:34:47,087
"I just wanted to clarify,
521
00:34:47,087 --> 00:34:49,255
"are you, um,
522
00:34:49,255 --> 00:34:52,050
"are you, uh, (exhales)...
523
00:34:52,050 --> 00:34:54,052
a-are you on your period?"
524
00:34:54,052 --> 00:34:56,012
Now, you gotta understand
the entire time
525
00:34:56,012 --> 00:34:58,765
this person is talking to me,
I am feral. I'm fucking--
526
00:35:02,894 --> 00:35:04,396
I'm like Benedict Cumberbatch
527
00:35:04,396 --> 00:35:06,231
doing motion capture
for "The Hobbit."
528
00:35:18,576 --> 00:35:20,578
They're like, "Are you on
your period?" I'm like...
529
00:35:36,636 --> 00:35:38,596
"You know what? Probably.
Wow. Thank you.
530
00:35:38,596 --> 00:35:41,099
"That was-- Wow. You really
helped me with that.
531
00:35:41,099 --> 00:35:43,059
-"That...
532
00:35:43,059 --> 00:35:45,311
-"You, uh...
533
00:35:45,311 --> 00:35:47,230
"You threw a rope down to
the bottom of the well there,
534
00:35:47,230 --> 00:35:49,733
-"didn't you? (laughs) Woo!
535
00:35:49,733 --> 00:35:51,234
"Almost did somethin' bad,
536
00:35:51,234 --> 00:35:54,446
"so thank you, um, for that.
537
00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:56,614
"And by the way, it's like,
now we're asking questions,
538
00:35:56,614 --> 00:35:59,743
"it is a dialogue for sure,
um, do you know
539
00:35:59,743 --> 00:36:03,747
"if a package that is in transit
540
00:36:03,747 --> 00:36:07,292
- can be stopped?
541
00:36:09,169 --> 00:36:10,879
"What's that? Washington.
542
00:36:12,047 --> 00:36:13,590
Let me know. (laughs)"
543
00:36:19,471 --> 00:36:23,475
People come up to me
after the shows, not to brag...
544
00:36:24,517 --> 00:36:26,394
and they always say
the same thing.
545
00:36:29,981 --> 00:36:31,191
They say to me, "Hannah...
546
00:36:34,944 --> 00:36:36,613
How come you hustle so hard?"
547
00:36:37,989 --> 00:36:40,367
They say,
"It seems like with you,
548
00:36:40,367 --> 00:36:43,411
the grind never stops."
549
00:36:47,665 --> 00:36:49,167
I say, it's simple.
550
00:36:50,335 --> 00:36:52,337
There's a reason for that.
551
00:36:52,337 --> 00:36:54,381
It is as follows.
552
00:36:56,508 --> 00:36:58,802
From the ages of 9 to 14,
553
00:36:58,802 --> 00:37:01,805
I was an all-star
competitive cheerleader. Clap!
554
00:37:09,187 --> 00:37:12,232
Now, I hope this goes
without saying,
555
00:37:12,232 --> 00:37:15,902
I have respect for every member
of this audience.
556
00:37:15,902 --> 00:37:19,239
I have respect for the patrons
of the El Rey.
557
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:21,408
I have respect for the citizens
558
00:37:21,408 --> 00:37:23,243
of the greatest city
on this planet,
559
00:37:23,243 --> 00:37:27,247
- Los Angeles, California.
560
00:37:32,293 --> 00:37:34,796
But hear me when I say...
561
00:37:37,632 --> 00:37:41,553
not one of you motherfuckers
562
00:37:41,553 --> 00:37:45,390
would last half a day
at cheer practice,
563
00:37:45,390 --> 00:37:47,392
- you understand me?!
564
00:37:47,392 --> 00:37:50,729
If the conditioning
didn't break you,
565
00:37:50,729 --> 00:37:54,399
the psychological warfare
surely would.
566
00:37:54,399 --> 00:37:56,234
I don't think you understand.
567
00:37:56,234 --> 00:37:58,028
I had a teammate, Suzanne.
568
00:37:58,028 --> 00:38:00,739
She fell out of the pyramid
during a competition,
569
00:38:00,739 --> 00:38:03,575
and when she got off stage,
she was so angry
570
00:38:03,575 --> 00:38:06,745
that she walked over
to a concrete wall,
571
00:38:06,745 --> 00:38:09,581
kicked it,
and shattered her foot.
572
00:38:09,581 --> 00:38:11,458
Yeah, you know
where she works now?
573
00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:13,043
The Pentagon.
574
00:38:15,128 --> 00:38:17,547
Guess who’s paying
for that six-point deduction
575
00:38:17,547 --> 00:38:18,923
at Nationals?
576
00:38:18,923 --> 00:38:20,925
Libya, probably.
577
00:38:24,429 --> 00:38:27,974
That same competition, another
girl was flying in a stunt.
578
00:38:27,974 --> 00:38:30,477
She wobbled, that's a deduction.
579
00:38:30,477 --> 00:38:33,772
She locked eyes with my coach
in the front row,
580
00:38:33,772 --> 00:38:36,608
and she began to piss...
581
00:38:36,608 --> 00:38:39,319
- in the air...
582
00:38:39,319 --> 00:38:41,363
out of fear.
583
00:38:43,281 --> 00:38:46,951
You wanna talk about
cheerleading's not a sport?
584
00:38:48,286 --> 00:38:51,414
You're right.
It's not a sport.
585
00:38:51,414 --> 00:38:54,459
It's a subsect
of the United States military.
586
00:38:56,169 --> 00:38:58,505
You think I wanna be
doing this, folks?
587
00:38:58,505 --> 00:39:01,633
You think I wanna be
doing stand-up comedy?
588
00:39:01,633 --> 00:39:03,426
This is pathetic!
589
00:39:03,426 --> 00:39:07,389
- I used to be a champion, man!
590
00:39:07,722 --> 00:39:10,141
I tasted glory!
591
00:39:12,394 --> 00:39:14,646
Cheerleading ruined...
592
00:39:14,646 --> 00:39:16,606
my body, okay?
593
00:39:16,606 --> 00:39:20,151
When I bend down,
my knees sound like
594
00:39:20,151 --> 00:39:23,154
a gambling addict
juggling dice.
595
00:39:30,286 --> 00:39:32,706
Oh, does that hurt to hear?
I'm 28!
596
00:39:51,266 --> 00:39:52,684
I'm bisexual.
597
00:39:59,858 --> 00:40:02,861
- That hasn't really been
my experience, um... Hm.
598
00:40:04,279 --> 00:40:05,739
You know,
599
00:40:05,739 --> 00:40:09,200
I would argue
that upwards of 90%
600
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,745
of all comedians get on stage,
601
00:40:11,745 --> 00:40:14,706
and talk almost exclusively
602
00:40:14,706 --> 00:40:16,416
about the difference
603
00:40:16,416 --> 00:40:19,085
between men and women.
604
00:40:21,546 --> 00:40:24,174
But how many of them
605
00:40:24,174 --> 00:40:25,842
actually know?
606
00:40:25,842 --> 00:40:29,721
- I am in the trenches.
I am collecting research.
607
00:40:29,721 --> 00:40:33,058
- I am gathering data.
I'm risking my life!
608
00:40:33,058 --> 00:40:35,393
And I'm here
to tell you, folks,
609
00:40:35,393 --> 00:40:38,063
the results are in!
610
00:40:38,063 --> 00:40:42,025
Men are idiots
and women are annoying!
611
00:40:43,902 --> 00:40:46,863
The battle of the sexes
is a draw!
612
00:40:46,863 --> 00:40:49,908
Fuck you, and fuck you!
613
00:40:53,578 --> 00:40:57,082
All y'all pissing me off.
614
00:41:05,131 --> 00:41:08,885
Bisexuals.
Everybody wants us,
615
00:41:08,885 --> 00:41:12,472
- but no one "wants" us.
616
00:41:12,472 --> 00:41:14,766
The straights
don't claim us.
617
00:41:14,766 --> 00:41:17,268
The queers certainly
don't claim us.
618
00:41:17,268 --> 00:41:20,271
Hey, lesbians!
What did we ever do to you
619
00:41:20,271 --> 00:41:23,233
besides lead you on
and break your heart?
620
00:41:25,110 --> 00:41:27,654
Why are you mad, I wonder?
621
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:35,662
How else can I say this.
622
00:41:35,662 --> 00:41:41,584
Bisexuals are the Jews
of the LGBTQIA+ community.
623
00:41:41,584 --> 00:41:43,962
- Is that tracking?
624
00:41:43,962 --> 00:41:46,089
Everyone's like,
"Ugh, bisexuals!
625
00:41:46,089 --> 00:41:48,675
"They're just shape-shifting
maniacal villains.
626
00:41:48,675 --> 00:41:52,137
They're not one of us!"
Ring a bell, Jews?
627
00:42:06,818 --> 00:42:09,279
Privacy is hard
to come by these days,
628
00:42:09,279 --> 00:42:12,115
- wouldn't you say, folks?
629
00:42:12,115 --> 00:42:13,992
Wouldn't you say?
I mean,
630
00:42:13,992 --> 00:42:16,870
it's like you can’t even
sit in front of a fountain,
631
00:42:16,870 --> 00:42:18,329
with your head in your hands,
632
00:42:18,329 --> 00:42:21,541
rocking back and forth sobbing
633
00:42:21,541 --> 00:42:23,835
without somebody coming up,
634
00:42:23,835 --> 00:42:25,462
taking a picture,
635
00:42:25,462 --> 00:42:27,630
and captioning it,
"current mood."
636
00:42:27,630 --> 00:42:31,509
- You just can’t get
a moment alone.
637
00:42:33,511 --> 00:42:36,389
And I think social media
has everything to do with this.
638
00:42:36,389 --> 00:42:38,224
I heard a young woman
on the phone the other day.
639
00:42:38,224 --> 00:42:40,769
I think her conversation
proves my point.
640
00:42:43,355 --> 00:42:45,315
"So did I tell you
Mila uninvited me
641
00:42:45,315 --> 00:42:46,900
"to her birthday brunch?
642
00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:48,526
"Yeah, no, I know.
Like, fully criminal.
643
00:42:48,526 --> 00:42:50,153
"It was all set up,
and then the night before,
644
00:42:50,153 --> 00:42:51,529
"she calls me and goes,
sorry, Sav.
645
00:42:51,529 --> 00:42:53,365
"I think I’m just
gonna go with my parents.
646
00:42:54,783 --> 00:42:58,036
-"I mean, I was pissed,
but I didn’t say anything.
647
00:42:58,036 --> 00:42:59,913
"Anyway, the next day, guess
who's in the background
648
00:42:59,913 --> 00:43:02,374
"of Kate’s Snapchat story
at 1:27 p.m.
649
00:43:02,374 --> 00:43:05,502
-"at Catch in West Hollywood.
650
00:43:05,502 --> 00:43:07,087
"This bitch.
651
00:43:07,087 --> 00:43:09,214
"There’s more.
Instagram, 2:00 p.m.,
652
00:43:09,214 --> 00:43:11,216
"Kate uploads
a picture of the two of them
with the caption,
653
00:43:11,216 --> 00:43:14,052
"‘Happy birthday to my BFF,
heart star champagne emoji.'
654
00:43:14,052 --> 00:43:16,513
Did she think I wasn't
gonna see it?"
655
00:43:20,725 --> 00:43:24,437
I like to think that
if the same situation
656
00:43:24,437 --> 00:43:27,399
had occurred in,
say, the year...
657
00:43:29,067 --> 00:43:32,237
- 1931...
658
00:43:32,237 --> 00:43:36,241
it would've gone down
a little more like this.
659
00:43:39,619 --> 00:43:41,454
"Hello, Maude?"
"Oh hiya, Blanche!
660
00:43:41,454 --> 00:43:43,039
Say, what’s the news
fit to print?"
661
00:43:43,039 --> 00:43:44,749
"Listen, Maude, you remember
that little soiree
662
00:43:44,749 --> 00:43:46,251
we had planned, dontcha?"
"Oh sure!
663
00:43:46,251 --> 00:43:48,378
You still wearing that
little red number? Hot dog!"
664
00:43:48,378 --> 00:43:49,921
"Well, honey, Mommy and Daddy
say no can do.
665
00:43:49,921 --> 00:43:51,256
Say it'd be better
just the three of us."
666
00:43:51,256 --> 00:43:53,258
"Oh, that’s just fine, Blanche!
Just fine indeed."
667
00:43:53,258 --> 00:43:54,759
"Well, so long!"
"So long!"
668
00:43:54,759 --> 00:43:56,052
And that's it.
669
00:44:02,809 --> 00:44:05,311
Those women go
their separate ways
670
00:44:05,311 --> 00:44:08,231
and figure out what to do
671
00:44:08,231 --> 00:44:10,275
with their very recent
672
00:44:10,275 --> 00:44:13,820
right to vote.
They are busy.
673
00:44:13,820 --> 00:44:16,781
Look, I don't know what it was
like being a woman in the '30s,
674
00:44:16,781 --> 00:44:20,326
and I don't claim to,
but I have cried
675
00:44:20,326 --> 00:44:21,911
while washing the dishes before,
676
00:44:21,911 --> 00:44:23,955
and I think that's close!
677
00:44:37,177 --> 00:44:41,806
I'd like to say something to you
now that we say in my culture.
678
00:44:41,806 --> 00:44:44,309
It is a word that means hello.
679
00:44:45,310 --> 00:44:47,812
It is a word that means peace.
680
00:44:51,024 --> 00:44:54,569
It is a word that means goodbye.
681
00:44:56,571 --> 00:44:58,073
The word, of course,
682
00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:00,742
is shalom.
683
00:45:02,327 --> 00:45:03,995
Shalom in the front.
684
00:45:03,995 --> 00:45:05,497
audience:
Shalom.
685
00:45:06,247 --> 00:45:09,542
- Shalom on the sides.
- audience: Shalom.
686
00:45:09,542 --> 00:45:11,503
Shalom up top.
687
00:45:11,503 --> 00:45:14,631
- audience: Shalom.
688
00:45:14,631 --> 00:45:17,175
Everyone, please,
say it with me.
689
00:45:18,218 --> 00:45:19,219
all:
Shalom.
690
00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:21,805
That is all the Hebrew
that I know.
691
00:45:24,683 --> 00:45:26,810
I’m a bad Jew,
692
00:45:26,810 --> 00:45:30,355
and that fact dawned on me
at a very difficult moment.
693
00:45:32,190 --> 00:45:34,859
I was at my grandmother's
funeral, a Jewish service,
694
00:45:34,859 --> 00:45:38,029
and as it came to a close,
the rabbi signaled to us
695
00:45:38,029 --> 00:45:40,907
to join her in a final prayer.
696
00:45:40,907 --> 00:45:44,452
She and everyone around me
began to sing.
697
00:45:45,203 --> 00:45:46,705
I panicked.
698
00:45:48,206 --> 00:45:50,709
- For I did not know the prayer.
699
00:45:53,086 --> 00:45:55,088
But then...
700
00:45:57,048 --> 00:45:58,550
just then...
701
00:46:00,260 --> 00:46:03,054
the clouds parted,
702
00:46:04,264 --> 00:46:07,017
and as if God himself
703
00:46:07,017 --> 00:46:10,979
shined his light of
knowledge upon me,
704
00:46:12,564 --> 00:46:14,733
I began...
705
00:46:17,402 --> 00:46:19,612
to sing.
706
00:47:53,998 --> 00:47:56,042
But how could I possibly know
the prayer?
707
00:48:07,721 --> 00:48:11,224
The melody.
Every single lyric.
708
00:48:14,185 --> 00:48:16,855
I looked back to the sky.
709
00:48:16,855 --> 00:48:20,191
A single tear
fell from my eye.
710
00:48:20,191 --> 00:48:22,527
And then, I realized.
711
00:48:22,527 --> 00:48:25,989
"Oh, this is just the last song
in 'Schindler's List.'"
712
00:48:43,882 --> 00:48:47,886
And if you can believe it, that
wasn't the strangest thing
713
00:48:47,886 --> 00:48:50,889
that happened that morning
at the cemetery.
714
00:48:50,889 --> 00:48:52,766
Before the service started,
715
00:48:52,766 --> 00:48:55,352
the hearse driver
in charge of the casket
716
00:48:55,352 --> 00:48:59,356
gave my older sibling and I
a tremendous amount of trouble
717
00:48:59,356 --> 00:49:02,734
when we volunteered
not only to be pallbearers,
718
00:49:02,734 --> 00:49:07,906
but to carry the heaviest part
of the casket. The front.
719
00:49:07,906 --> 00:49:11,117
He explained that it was a job
traditionally done by men,
720
00:49:11,117 --> 00:49:13,578
and that we wouldn't be
strong enough.
721
00:49:13,578 --> 00:49:15,080
Now,
722
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:16,915
I don't wanna body shame,
723
00:49:16,915 --> 00:49:20,210
but this man was a pale,
724
00:49:20,210 --> 00:49:23,254
frail, grim-looking man
725
00:49:23,254 --> 00:49:25,382
with no hair
726
00:49:25,382 --> 00:49:27,967
aside from mutton chops
727
00:49:27,967 --> 00:49:31,429
and shaky, weathered hands.
728
00:49:31,429 --> 00:49:34,766
He looked like if Wolverine
couldn't heal himself.
729
00:49:36,059 --> 00:49:37,769
And something you should know
about my family
730
00:49:37,769 --> 00:49:40,563
that provides context
to the story.
731
00:49:40,563 --> 00:49:42,774
I come from a very queer family.
732
00:49:42,774 --> 00:49:44,275
I am bisexual,
733
00:49:44,275 --> 00:49:46,778
I have two transgender siblings,
734
00:49:46,778 --> 00:49:50,323
my grandmother, who we were
laying to rest that morning,
735
00:49:50,323 --> 00:49:52,117
was an out-and-proud lesbian,
736
00:49:52,117 --> 00:49:55,412
and while my father is straight,
737
00:49:55,412 --> 00:49:57,789
he does cry when Julie Andrews
738
00:49:57,789 --> 00:50:00,333
hits the high note
in "The Sound of Music,"
739
00:50:00,333 --> 00:50:03,461
so what do you call that?
740
00:50:05,755 --> 00:50:08,675
I call it a man you can trust.
741
00:50:17,475 --> 00:50:20,311
My grandmother came out
of the closet in 1962.
742
00:50:20,311 --> 00:50:23,314
She moved from Philadelphia
to California
743
00:50:23,314 --> 00:50:26,151
with two boys,
5 and 6 months old.
744
00:50:26,151 --> 00:50:29,154
She did it all on her own,
and the reason she survived
745
00:50:29,154 --> 00:50:31,614
and the reason she thrived
is because she advocated
746
00:50:31,614 --> 00:50:33,783
for herself
every step of the way.
747
00:50:33,783 --> 00:50:36,995
Her blood runs through my veins.
748
00:50:36,995 --> 00:50:39,372
So I'm actually not gonna let
749
00:50:39,372 --> 00:50:43,168
some Sweeney Todd cosplayer...
750
00:50:46,629 --> 00:50:50,342
...tell me that
I'm not strong enough.
751
00:50:50,342 --> 00:50:51,843
I go back to the guy, I said,
"Hey,
752
00:50:51,843 --> 00:50:54,679
"it won't be a problem.
We're perfectly capable.
753
00:50:54,679 --> 00:50:57,349
We can handle it,
we can handle the weight.
754
00:50:57,349 --> 00:51:00,727
No issue here."
And he did that thing men do
755
00:51:00,727 --> 00:51:03,229
when they want you to know
they don't respect you.
756
00:51:03,229 --> 00:51:06,858
He avoided eye contact
and spoke to the nearest man.
757
00:51:07,609 --> 00:51:09,152
He said to my dad,
758
00:51:09,903 --> 00:51:12,072
"It's a job traditionally
done by men,
759
00:51:12,072 --> 00:51:13,531
and they won't be
strong enough."
760
00:51:13,531 --> 00:51:15,867
Hey, it was an early morning.
I'm not proud of this,
761
00:51:15,867 --> 00:51:18,703
but I said,
"Hey, Ghost of Christmas Past!"
762
00:51:20,872 --> 00:51:22,540
"I was captain
of the cheerleading team
763
00:51:22,540 --> 00:51:24,584
"in high school.
This is hardly the first time
764
00:51:24,584 --> 00:51:27,087
I've carried a lesbian
who's gone limp."
765
00:51:39,224 --> 00:51:41,726
Finally, he allowed it.
766
00:51:44,396 --> 00:51:45,897
And we walked,
767
00:51:47,107 --> 00:51:50,110
carrying my grandmother
to her final resting place.
768
00:51:52,153 --> 00:51:55,448
And as we did, I thought
about the legacy of her life,
769
00:51:56,991 --> 00:51:58,368
and I wondered
770
00:51:59,411 --> 00:52:01,413
if she would have been proud.
771
00:52:04,624 --> 00:52:07,335
I prayed for a sign.
772
00:52:09,087 --> 00:52:12,132
And we walked to her graveside,
773
00:52:12,132 --> 00:52:14,175
following the hearse driver.
774
00:52:15,510 --> 00:52:18,013
And as we approached
her grave...
775
00:52:22,267 --> 00:52:24,060
he fell in.
776
00:53:07,604 --> 00:53:10,190
Thank you, Los Angeles.
My name is Hannah Einbinder.
777
00:53:10,190 --> 00:53:11,649
- Goodnight.