WEBVTT FILE

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♪♪

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

4
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♪♪

5
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-And henceforth let
this land be plagued By Ogres!

6
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<i>-It was the Green-eyed Lady
of Banebower</i>

7
00:00:50.080 --> 00:00:53.292
<i>who banished the Wizard
who cursed the King</i>

8
00:00:53.292 --> 00:00:56.664
<i>whose Queen had died
giving birth to the Princess</i>

9
00:00:56.664 --> 00:00:58.624
<i>who was about to be married.</i>

10
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-And will you freely take this
Princess to be your wedded wife?

11
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<i>-I guess most people know that.</i>

12
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-Oh, absolu--

13
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<i>But how does a beautiful</i>

14
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<i>Princess like her ---</i>

15
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<i>only daughter of a great
king, like him --</i>

16
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<i>end up betrothed
to this guy?</i>

17
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<i>Well, it's complicated.</i>

18
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<i>But, it's a great story.</i>

19
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<i>The land had been known
far and wide</i>

20
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<i>as the Contented Kingdom.</i>

21
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<i>But these days,
nobody called it that.</i>

22
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<i>Because of the Ogre problem.</i>

23
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<i>And it really was a problem.</i>

24
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<i>For years the Kingdom
had been plagued by Ogres</i>

25
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<i>but the lowly Goatherd</i>

26
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<i>was also plagued
by something else.</i>

27
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<i>Try as he might he
could not find Love.</i>

28
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Or, perhaps you could say,
love had not yet found him.

29
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Heh.

30
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♪♪

31
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♪♪

32
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Whoa!

33
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-Ha! Typical.

34
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-He's okay.

35
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Maybe not.

36
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Uh-oh.

37
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That was close.

38
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-Come on champ,
shake it off.

39
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We'll be late to the festival.

40
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<i>-When he arose,</i>

41
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<i>the dancing figure
had vanished from sight</i>

42
00:03:17.792 --> 00:03:20.708
<i>and that might have been
the end of the story</i>

43
00:03:20.708 --> 00:03:23.000
<i>but in fact...</i>

44
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<i>it was just the beginning.</i>

45
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♪♪

46
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♪♪

47
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♪♪

48
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♪♪

49
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-Oh.

50
00:03:59.332 --> 00:04:01.080
Looks like something
the cat dragged in.

51
00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:04.164
-Ugh, and smells like something
the cat pooped in.

52
00:04:04.164 --> 00:04:06.832
-Come on guys, there's no sense
crying over spilled milk.

53
00:04:06.832 --> 00:04:08.292
-How 'bout crying
over being covered in sh--

54
00:04:08.292 --> 00:04:09.748
-It's mud.

55
00:04:09.748 --> 00:04:11.500
And maybe a little Ogre goo.

56
00:04:11.500 --> 00:04:13.792
-I love the smell of Ogre goo
in the morning.

57
00:04:13.792 --> 00:04:15.000
Smells like...

58
00:04:15.000 --> 00:04:17.624
Ogre goo, mainly.

59
00:04:22.124 --> 00:04:23.832
-I saw something, Mum.

60
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On the down.
-Ogres, was it?

61
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-A woman.

62
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Dancing, like...

63
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-Clean yourself up.

64
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We'll be late.

65
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-See you
at the festival neighbors!

66
00:04:43.580 --> 00:04:44.916
Save the first dance for me!

67
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♪♪

68
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♪♪

69
00:05:02.080 --> 00:05:03.164
Go on.

70
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Make sure you dance this year.

71
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-Mam, I can't dance.

72
00:05:13.540 --> 00:05:15.956
-Going my way?

73
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Go on.

74
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-Oh.
-Oh, well.

75
00:05:20.124 --> 00:05:21.872
Age before beauty.

76
00:05:21.872 --> 00:05:24.000
-Well, that's me bringing
at the rear again, isn't it?

77
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-I know,
I have just the one for you.

78
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She's perfect.

79
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-Mam, I can't dance.

80
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-No Princes have come
this year, Sire.

81
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Third year in a row.

82
00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:48.708
-When the Plague
of a Thousand Ogres is ended,

83
00:05:48.708 --> 00:05:52.708
my child, I promise
you shall be betrothed.

84
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-You say that every year.

85
00:05:55.124 --> 00:05:57.208
Is there anyone left
to get betrothed to?

86
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-We seem to be fresh out
of idiot Princes these days.

87
00:06:00.208 --> 00:06:01.708
My lady.

88
00:06:01.708 --> 00:06:03.416
<i>I should explain.</i>

89
00:06:03.416 --> 00:06:05.208
<i>When the princess
was of age</i>

90
00:06:05.208 --> 00:06:07.708
<i>the King declared
that any Prince or Noble Lord</i>

91
00:06:07.708 --> 00:06:09.208
<i>who vanquished the Ogres</i>

92
00:06:09.208 --> 00:06:11.080
<i>would earn his child's hand.</i>

93
00:06:11.080 --> 00:06:13.292
♪♪

94
00:06:14.708 --> 00:06:16.792
<i>-Every year
valiant Princes</i>

95
00:06:16.792 --> 00:06:19.040
<i>from far and wide
came to test their might,</i>

96
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<i>and rid the Kingdom
of its curse.</i>

97
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♪♪

98
00:06:22.208 --> 00:06:24.292
Oh, no.

99
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<i>-Which said that as long
as the Ogre's lived</i>

100
00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:28.748
<i>the Princess would marry
no man.</i>

101
00:06:31.040 --> 00:06:34.832
<i>But none of them
could best the foul Ogres.</i>

102
00:06:36.748 --> 00:06:38.872
<i>And these days,
on her birthday</i>

103
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<i>the Princess had no one
to dance with</i>

104
00:06:40.580 --> 00:06:42.000
<i>but the King's Dancemaster.</i>

105
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<i>-Which...</i>

106
00:06:45.292 --> 00:06:48.124
<i>Well,
he was an excellent dancer.</i>

107
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♪♪

108
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♪♪

109
00:07:09.416 --> 00:07:16.080
♪♪

110
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-Mam, I don't want to dance.

111
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-Yes, you do.

112
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Go on, go on.

113
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Oh!

114
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Ow!

115
00:07:39.372 --> 00:07:40.624
Whoa!

116
00:07:40.624 --> 00:07:41.832
Ah!

117
00:07:45.080 --> 00:07:46.624
-Oh.

118
00:07:51.624 --> 00:07:54.540
-Never thought he'd top the
year he fell in the pig trough.

119
00:07:54.540 --> 00:07:56.956
But he did it!

120
00:07:56.956 --> 00:07:58.332
-He's a little unlucky.

121
00:07:58.332 --> 00:08:00.000
-Clumsy
as a three-legged camel

122
00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:01.292
with two humps,
that's the truth.

123
00:08:01.292 --> 00:08:03.708
-You can't handle the truth.

124
00:08:08.292 --> 00:08:10.248
-I ain't never had a wife.

125
00:08:15.208 --> 00:08:16.664
-Never even a sweetheart.

126
00:08:19.664 --> 00:08:21.164
Why is that, Mum?

127
00:08:24.456 --> 00:08:25.500
Mum.

128
00:08:26.456 --> 00:08:28.040
Why is that?

129
00:08:32.332 --> 00:08:34.248
Is there something wrong
with me?

130
00:08:35.792 --> 00:08:37.580
-Yes. There is.

131
00:08:39.416 --> 00:08:40.832
You're cursed.

132
00:08:43.292 --> 00:08:45.164
-Like...

133
00:08:45.164 --> 00:08:46.540
metaphorically?

134
00:08:49.372 --> 00:08:50.956
-Evil magic.

135
00:08:52.372 --> 00:08:53.916
At birth.

136
00:08:59.748 --> 00:09:01.916
-I'm passed two score years old.

137
00:09:03.332 --> 00:09:06.124
For no good reason I've
never had a single sweetheart,

138
00:09:06.124 --> 00:09:09.040
not a single kiss,
or a single sweet word,

139
00:09:09.040 --> 00:09:11.292
not even an enjoyable picnic
with a maid,

140
00:09:11.292 --> 00:09:14.372
and you 're just <i>now</i>
telling me

141
00:09:14.372 --> 00:09:16.456
that I'm cursed.

142
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By magic.

143
00:09:20.124 --> 00:09:21.456
At birth?!

144
00:09:22.832 --> 00:09:24.164
-Eat your soup.

145
00:09:38.540 --> 00:09:39.792
<i>-All his life,</i>

146
00:09:39.792 --> 00:09:41.624
<i>he had been invisible to love.</i>

147
00:09:41.624 --> 00:09:42.916
<i>And now,</i>

148
00:09:42.916 --> 00:09:45.792
<i>at last, he knew why.</i>

149
00:09:49.748 --> 00:09:55.292
<i>That night his dreams were dark
and full of terrors.</i>

150
00:10:02.000 --> 00:10:09.624
-This child shall never take
a wife...

151
00:10:09.624 --> 00:10:11.208
no not a single sweetheart, Nay!

152
00:10:11.208 --> 00:10:13.872
Not a single kiss.
Not a single kiss!

153
00:10:13.872 --> 00:10:19.500
No, not even an enjoyable picnic
with a maid shall he have!

154
00:10:20.792 --> 00:10:23.124
<i>-Nevertheless,
in his heart</i>

155
00:10:23.124 --> 00:10:27.372
<i>he began to feel
a faint stirring of hope.</i>

156
00:10:29.124 --> 00:10:35.916
♪♪

157
00:10:40.832 --> 00:10:44.000
<i>For if he could
but undo the curse,</i>

158
00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:48.000
<i>perhaps,
his luck would change.</i>

159
00:10:50.292 --> 00:10:52.500
-It was the Evil Wizard
who done it.

160
00:10:52.500 --> 00:10:55.872
"He'll never take a wife."
That's what he said.

161
00:10:57.416 --> 00:10:59.456
-Can I break it?
The curse.

162
00:11:01.208 --> 00:11:03.248
You could visit the Witch.

163
00:11:03.248 --> 00:11:05.500
The Hag of Banebower.

164
00:11:05.500 --> 00:11:06.872
-Can she break curses?

165
00:11:06.872 --> 00:11:08.416
-Absolutely!

166
00:11:10.248 --> 00:11:13.040
Hey aren't you forgetting
something!

167
00:11:18.332 --> 00:11:20.372
Where can I find her?
The Hag.

168
00:11:21.580 --> 00:11:23.664
Take the Ogre's road.

169
00:11:23.664 --> 00:11:25.580
If you get to
the Ogre King's Keep,

170
00:11:25.580 --> 00:11:26.872
you 've gone too far,

171
00:11:26.872 --> 00:11:28.000
the Ogres will eat ye.

172
00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:33.540
♪♪

173
00:11:33.540 --> 00:11:35.248
And mind you, boy.

174
00:11:35.248 --> 00:11:36.872
Don't eat her soup!

175
00:11:36.872 --> 00:11:39.748
♪♪

176
00:11:39.748 --> 00:11:42.248
-You're a brave hero now is it?!

177
00:11:42.248 --> 00:11:44.580
And you'll be betrothed
to the Princess

178
00:11:44.580 --> 00:11:47.956
by next year on her birthday,
will ye?

179
00:11:47.956 --> 00:11:50.916
And who'll milk the goats
when you're dead?

180
00:11:53.708 --> 00:11:56.248
<i>-And so with his Mother's
fond encouragement --</i>

181
00:11:56.248 --> 00:11:57.956
<i>he left with high hopes</i>

182
00:11:57.956 --> 00:11:59.708
<i>to set out
for Banebower Wood.</i>

183
00:12:01.664 --> 00:12:04.708
<i>And we went with him,
because that's what friends do.</i>

184
00:12:05.748 --> 00:12:06.956
<i>Except Donkey.</i>

185
00:12:06.956 --> 00:12:08.500
<i>He doesn't love to travel.</i>

186
00:12:08.500 --> 00:12:10.416
-I prefer a staycation.

187
00:12:10.416 --> 00:12:11.624
Or should I say...

188
00:12:11.624 --> 00:12:13.624
a braycation?

189
00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:21.040
♪♪

190
00:12:21.040 --> 00:12:26.080
♪♪

191
00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:31.124
♪♪

192
00:12:31.124 --> 00:12:36.164
♪♪

193
00:12:38.748 --> 00:12:46.832
♪♪

194
00:12:46.832 --> 00:12:49.292
-I see dead people.

195
00:12:49.292 --> 00:12:51.292
-Feels like a wild goose chase
to me.

196
00:12:51.292 --> 00:12:53.456
And I should know.

197
00:12:53.456 --> 00:12:55.372
He knows what he's doing.

198
00:12:55.372 --> 00:12:56.792
Ow!

199
00:12:56.792 --> 00:12:58.416
Fiends!

200
00:13:00.332 --> 00:13:02.332
Fiends!

201
00:13:06.332 --> 00:13:08.872
Do you know
how long I searched for her?

202
00:13:08.872 --> 00:13:10.248
Do you?!

203
00:13:11.248 --> 00:13:12.748
She was perfect!

204
00:13:12.748 --> 00:13:14.872
She was beautiful!

205
00:13:14.872 --> 00:13:19.080
She fit me like this hand
fits this glove!

206
00:13:19.080 --> 00:13:21.916
I was bound to her with my life
and do you know what they did?!

207
00:13:21.916 --> 00:13:23.792
Do you?!

208
00:13:23.792 --> 00:13:26.000
They ate her!

209
00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:27.872
They pulled her right out
from under me

210
00:13:27.872 --> 00:13:29.456
and <i>ate</i> her!

211
00:13:30.456 --> 00:13:32.332
-Ugh, a maiden?!

212
00:13:32.332 --> 00:13:33.916
-I'm the Captain
of the King's Guard

213
00:13:33.916 --> 00:13:35.748
I don't have time for maidens!

214
00:13:35.748 --> 00:13:36.916
My horse!

215
00:13:36.916 --> 00:13:39.332
The Ogres ate my horse!

216
00:13:41.080 --> 00:13:43.124
I'm in shock.

217
00:13:43.124 --> 00:13:45.500
Why am I in shock?

218
00:13:45.500 --> 00:13:47.292
Look at my leg.

219
00:13:47.292 --> 00:13:49.872
Ah! Look at my leg.

220
00:13:49.872 --> 00:13:51.664
-Oh.

221
00:13:51.664 --> 00:13:52.748
-Don't...

222
00:13:52.748 --> 00:13:54.208
tell me what it looks like.

223
00:13:54.208 --> 00:13:55.332
Just tell me if it's still
attached to me.

224
00:13:56.500 --> 00:13:58.000
They ate my horse.
Ow!

225
00:13:58.000 --> 00:14:01.416
-Can you move the foot?

226
00:14:01.416 --> 00:14:02.832
-Uh-huh.

227
00:14:02.832 --> 00:14:04.332
-Then it's still attached.

228
00:14:05.956 --> 00:14:08.040
-Lost a horse but...

229
00:14:08.040 --> 00:14:09.872
kept a foot.

230
00:14:11.372 --> 00:14:12.916
That's a bit o' luck.

231
00:14:14.332 --> 00:14:16.208
-You have some skill
at healing, fellow.

232
00:14:19.580 --> 00:14:23.872
You're very brave to venture
thus far into the hinterland.

233
00:14:23.872 --> 00:14:26.500
Or very foolish.

234
00:14:26.500 --> 00:14:28.500
Shall I guess which?

235
00:14:28.500 --> 00:14:30.872
-I'm after gettin' a wife.

236
00:14:30.872 --> 00:14:32.748
-In Banebower Wood?

237
00:14:32.748 --> 00:14:34.040
Well...

238
00:14:34.040 --> 00:14:35.456
I'm a fighter not a lover,

239
00:14:35.456 --> 00:14:38.124
so I'm no expert but...

240
00:14:38.124 --> 00:14:40.748
there's nothing in this foul
place but death and dark magic.

241
00:14:43.292 --> 00:14:46.040
-You've done me
no small service, countryman.

242
00:14:46.040 --> 00:14:47.748
I will remember.

243
00:14:51.164 --> 00:14:54.208
Call at the Castle for
the Captain of the King's Guard.

244
00:14:54.208 --> 00:14:56.080
I will requite thee.

245
00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:58.164
And if you find that wife...

246
00:14:58.164 --> 00:14:59.500
tell me if she has a sister.

247
00:15:00.624 --> 00:15:03.372
But Banebower is cursed, man.

248
00:15:03.372 --> 00:15:06.124
You'll not find what
you're looking for in there.

249
00:15:06.124 --> 00:15:14.124
♪♪

250
00:15:14.124 --> 00:15:22.208
♪♪

251
00:15:22.208 --> 00:15:24.832
-Uh, guys?

252
00:15:24.832 --> 00:15:26.292
Do you smell that?

253
00:15:26.292 --> 00:15:27.456
-I can't smell a thing over
the stench of

254
00:15:27.456 --> 00:15:28.540
Ogres.

255
00:15:29.748 --> 00:15:30.956
-Duck.
-Duck.

256
00:15:30.956 --> 00:15:32.040
-Goose.

257
00:15:32.040 --> 00:15:34.000
-No, not Goose.
Duck.

258
00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:39.040
♪♪

259
00:15:39.040 --> 00:15:44.080
♪♪

260
00:15:44.080 --> 00:15:49.080
♪♪

261
00:15:49.080 --> 00:15:54.124
♪♪

262
00:16:04.040 --> 00:16:05.124
-Whoa!

263
00:16:07.792 --> 00:16:09.208
Ah!

264
00:16:13.956 --> 00:16:15.456
Ah!

265
00:16:20.416 --> 00:16:22.624
Ah!

266
00:16:28.664 --> 00:16:30.124
Ah!

267
00:16:51.580 --> 00:16:53.500
Ah!

268
00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.124
-Uh...

269
00:16:58.124 --> 00:16:59.708
He's over here.

270
00:16:59.708 --> 00:17:00.916
-Is he dead?

271
00:17:00.916 --> 00:17:02.416
-No.

272
00:17:02.416 --> 00:17:04.540
He's, uh, napping.

273
00:17:04.540 --> 00:17:05.832
-Looks dead.

274
00:17:07.164 --> 00:17:09.332
-Oh.

275
00:17:11.456 --> 00:17:13.000
Oh.

276
00:17:13.000 --> 00:17:14.248
-He's okay.

277
00:17:14.248 --> 00:17:15.664
-Oh.

278
00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:18.000
-What?

279
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:26.372
♪♪

280
00:17:28.708 --> 00:17:30.000
-Cats.

281
00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:32.164
Very dangerous.
You go first.

282
00:17:34.164 --> 00:17:38.624
♪♪

283
00:17:40.500 --> 00:17:46.164
♪♪

284
00:17:48.164 --> 00:17:56.624
♪♪

285
00:17:56.624 --> 00:18:05.040
♪♪

286
00:18:08.708 --> 00:18:12.080
Why have you come?

287
00:18:14.792 --> 00:18:15.708
-I seek the Hag --

288
00:18:18.708 --> 00:18:22.208
What is your wish?

289
00:18:22.208 --> 00:18:23.832
-I wish --

290
00:18:27.040 --> 00:18:28.292
I wish --

291
00:18:29.792 --> 00:18:31.292
Water.

292
00:18:31.292 --> 00:18:32.916
-If you wish for water,
go to a well!

293
00:18:32.916 --> 00:18:34.456
If you have a wish,
you go to a Witch.

294
00:18:34.456 --> 00:18:36.040
If you want to live a long life,

295
00:18:36.040 --> 00:18:38.292
you don't interrupt a Witch
when she is working!

296
00:18:38.292 --> 00:18:39.456
Oh!

297
00:18:41.040 --> 00:18:42.748
-Fine. Water.

298
00:18:51.000 --> 00:18:52.208
All better?

299
00:18:53.372 --> 00:18:55.124
Leave payment on the table

300
00:18:55.124 --> 00:18:56.416
on your way out --
What have you got?

301
00:18:56.416 --> 00:18:57.708
a rock.

302
00:18:57.708 --> 00:18:58.916
Not surprised.

303
00:19:00.332 --> 00:19:01.580
Are you a Wizard?!

304
00:19:01.580 --> 00:19:04.000
-A Goatherd, actually.

305
00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:05.456
Can I, please,
have my stone back.

306
00:19:05.456 --> 00:19:07.456
-No refunds no exchanges!

307
00:19:07.456 --> 00:19:08.456
I --

308
00:19:08.456 --> 00:19:09.832
wish for another wish!

309
00:19:09.832 --> 00:19:12.292
-Technically make
three wishes.

310
00:19:12.292 --> 00:19:14.456
And I warn you,
the more wishes you make,

311
00:19:14.456 --> 00:19:17.664
the more complicated
your life will become.

312
00:19:20.500 --> 00:19:22.292
What's your wish?

313
00:19:23.540 --> 00:19:24.748
-A wife.

314
00:19:25.956 --> 00:19:27.332
I wish -- for a wife.

315
00:19:27.332 --> 00:19:29.292
That's why I came.

316
00:19:29.292 --> 00:19:30.456
-Why?

317
00:19:30.456 --> 00:19:31.664
-I'm lonely.

318
00:19:31.664 --> 00:19:33.000
-Get a pet.

319
00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:34.748
-Well, I sleep with my Donkey...

320
00:19:34.748 --> 00:19:36.416
-And you 're wondering
why you don't have a wife?

321
00:19:36.416 --> 00:19:37.792
You don't want a wife.

322
00:19:37.792 --> 00:19:40.080
Aggamemnon,
look what happened to him.

323
00:19:40.080 --> 00:19:41.580
-I don't know who that is.

324
00:19:41.580 --> 00:19:43.292
But I know
I want to take a wife.

325
00:19:43.292 --> 00:19:46.664
-No! You want a maidservant!
A trophy!

326
00:19:46.664 --> 00:19:50.292
A baby oven! A mother!
That's what you want!

327
00:19:50.292 --> 00:19:51.416
-No.
-Yes!

328
00:19:51.416 --> 00:19:52.792
You don't even know

329
00:19:52.792 --> 00:19:54.580
<i>what</i> you want!

330
00:19:54.580 --> 00:19:56.040
I do!

331
00:19:56.040 --> 00:19:57.580
I want...

332
00:19:57.580 --> 00:19:59.248
that thing.

333
00:19:59.248 --> 00:20:02.000
That thing where you
just look at someone,

334
00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:03.456
and they look
back at you,

335
00:20:03.456 --> 00:20:05.456
and you see <i>them.</i>

336
00:20:05.456 --> 00:20:08.208
You see them,
and they see <i>you,</i>

337
00:20:08.208 --> 00:20:09.792
and you're just there,
together,

338
00:20:09.792 --> 00:20:12.456
Two people
that know each other.

339
00:20:12.456 --> 00:20:14.292
That know what's
inside each other's heart,

340
00:20:14.292 --> 00:20:16.540
and you laugh,
and you quarrel,

341
00:20:16.540 --> 00:20:19.332
and you just are more yourself
when they're there,

342
00:20:19.332 --> 00:20:21.080
than you could ever be
when they aren't.

343
00:20:23.080 --> 00:20:24.500
That's what I want.

344
00:20:27.040 --> 00:20:28.416
For a wife.

345
00:20:30.540 --> 00:20:31.832
-You...

346
00:20:31.832 --> 00:20:34.040
have someone?
You feel that?

347
00:20:34.040 --> 00:20:35.292
For someone?

348
00:20:35.292 --> 00:20:36.416
No.

349
00:20:36.416 --> 00:20:38.248
But I can.

350
00:20:38.248 --> 00:20:40.708
I know there is someone
like that for me.

351
00:20:42.416 --> 00:20:44.248
You need a matchmaker.

352
00:20:44.248 --> 00:20:45.580
Not a Witch.

353
00:20:45.580 --> 00:20:47.416
-I'm cursed.

354
00:20:47.416 --> 00:20:48.916
At birth.

355
00:20:48.916 --> 00:20:50.956
By the Evil Wizard.

356
00:20:50.956 --> 00:20:53.000
He said I'll never take a wife.

357
00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:56.416
Can never take a wife, eh.

358
00:20:56.416 --> 00:20:58.000
Exact words?

359
00:21:01.832 --> 00:21:04.956
Sit.

360
00:21:04.956 --> 00:21:07.292
Eat.

361
00:21:07.292 --> 00:21:10.124
<i>-Now, mind you boy,
don't eat her soup!</i>

362
00:21:14.332 --> 00:21:16.164
-How was it?

363
00:21:16.164 --> 00:21:18.332
-It's not...

364
00:21:18.332 --> 00:21:19.372
half bad.

365
00:21:20.832 --> 00:21:22.540
-Take off your clothes.

366
00:21:22.540 --> 00:21:24.580
-Is that...

367
00:21:24.580 --> 00:21:26.080
necessary?

368
00:21:27.332 --> 00:21:28.708
-Yes.

369
00:21:33.540 --> 00:21:36.292
Mirror, mirror,
old and grey,

370
00:21:36.292 --> 00:21:38.916
show me true things
far away,

371
00:21:38.916 --> 00:21:40.792
show me where this
Man resides,

372
00:21:40.792 --> 00:21:43.332
and who he lives with
there besides.

373
00:21:44.580 --> 00:21:46.000
You live with your mother?

374
00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:49.164
There's definitely
something wrong with you.

375
00:21:51.456 --> 00:21:53.332
I'll take the job.

376
00:21:57.916 --> 00:21:59.872
Can you close your eyes?

377
00:21:59.872 --> 00:22:01.372
Please.

378
00:22:01.372 --> 00:22:03.372
Close them! Good!

379
00:22:03.372 --> 00:22:05.292
I will help you break
this curse.

380
00:22:05.292 --> 00:22:08.956
But first you will accomplish
three tasks of my devising.

381
00:22:08.956 --> 00:22:12.500
It shall be done before thirteen
moons have waxed and waned.

382
00:22:12.500 --> 00:22:14.080
And not a second longer.

383
00:22:15.372 --> 00:22:17.208
Close them!

384
00:22:17.208 --> 00:22:19.332
And...

385
00:22:19.332 --> 00:22:20.916
I will be paid!

386
00:22:20.916 --> 00:22:22.624
For this service,
you shall give me,

387
00:22:22.624 --> 00:22:25.748
for my very own to keep...

388
00:22:25.748 --> 00:22:27.124
your first born child.

389
00:22:29.500 --> 00:22:31.500
You want a wife
or don't you?

390
00:22:31.500 --> 00:22:33.332
-Give me your three tasks,
Witch.

391
00:22:33.332 --> 00:22:35.956
I shall accomplish them
within thirteen moons.

392
00:22:35.956 --> 00:22:37.916
And when I have a wife...

393
00:22:37.916 --> 00:22:39.872
I shall give to you
my first born child

394
00:22:39.872 --> 00:22:41.164
for your very own to keep.

395
00:22:41.164 --> 00:22:42.332
Done!

396
00:22:46.916 --> 00:22:49.332
And you don't think
this wife of yours

397
00:22:49.332 --> 00:22:50.748
will have anything
to say about it?

398
00:22:51.956 --> 00:22:53.580
-About...

399
00:22:53.580 --> 00:22:56.124
Chucking away your firstborn.

400
00:22:56.124 --> 00:22:57.500
-Wait. Was that bit negotiable?

401
00:22:57.500 --> 00:22:59.080
Could have haggled.

402
00:22:59.080 --> 00:23:00.624
Just blithely
promised away

403
00:23:00.624 --> 00:23:02.580
some poor, sweet gal's
little pookie.

404
00:23:02.580 --> 00:23:05.456
Nine months of nausea,
stretch marks,

405
00:23:05.456 --> 00:23:07.372
aching back,
swollen ankles,

406
00:23:07.372 --> 00:23:09.708
and 18 hours
frequently deadly

407
00:23:09.708 --> 00:23:12.000
excruciating labor...

408
00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:14.416
Hubby just grabs the little
bean, head all steaming,

409
00:23:14.416 --> 00:23:17.248
and gives it to some old lady
he met in the woods!

410
00:23:17.248 --> 00:23:18.580
Yeah, I'm sure
she'll be very happy

411
00:23:18.580 --> 00:23:19.708
when she finds out about that!

412
00:23:19.708 --> 00:23:21.000
Just interesting.

413
00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:22.664
Weensy bit
man-centric thinking

414
00:23:22.664 --> 00:23:24.040
if you ask me.

415
00:23:24.040 --> 00:23:25.580
Nevertheless...
Ready-set-go!

416
00:23:30.040 --> 00:23:31.708
Can you...

417
00:23:31.708 --> 00:23:32.956
not do that...

418
00:23:32.956 --> 00:23:34.040
-Do what?

419
00:23:34.040 --> 00:23:35.372
-Look at me.

420
00:23:35.372 --> 00:23:38.248
-Oh, em, yes.

421
00:23:38.248 --> 00:23:40.372
Sorry.

422
00:23:47.248 --> 00:23:49.664
-Can you, please,
give me the first task?

423
00:23:49.664 --> 00:23:51.624
I'd like to get started.

424
00:23:52.872 --> 00:23:56.124
-You will lift
the Sacred Caber of Tam Lin.

425
00:23:57.456 --> 00:23:59.456
-Lift the Caber...

426
00:23:59.456 --> 00:24:00.832
Great.

427
00:24:00.832 --> 00:24:02.872
-Ten thousand times.

428
00:24:02.872 --> 00:24:05.456
-Ten times! It shall be done.
-Thousand.

429
00:24:05.456 --> 00:24:07.708
-A thousand, em...

430
00:24:07.708 --> 00:24:11.372
-Ten thousand liftings
of the Caber.

431
00:24:12.540 --> 00:24:14.624
-Can we have
a second task, then?

432
00:24:14.624 --> 00:24:16.248
Maybe come back
to the caber lifting one?

433
00:24:16.248 --> 00:24:17.708
You will lift it
by the strength

434
00:24:17.708 --> 00:24:20.832
of the body the gods
gave you alone.

435
00:24:20.832 --> 00:24:24.372
Return the instant it is done.

436
00:24:25.372 --> 00:24:27.164
13 moons. Three tasks.

437
00:24:27.164 --> 00:24:29.164
No one's getting any younger.

438
00:24:29.164 --> 00:24:31.332
You want a wife?
Get started.

439
00:24:31.332 --> 00:24:32.332
Go!

440
00:24:38.624 --> 00:24:42.080
Here's looking at you, kid.

441
00:24:43.080 --> 00:24:45.332
-Um, lost my kid. Sorry.

442
00:24:45.332 --> 00:24:48.124
-Genius. Go back in there.

443
00:24:48.124 --> 00:24:53.456
♪♪

444
00:24:58.292 --> 00:24:59.792
-Rosebud.

445
00:25:01.624 --> 00:25:04.000
-I don't know why I said it!

446
00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:08.500
Firstborn child.
What a cliché.

447
00:25:09.664 --> 00:25:10.956
Oh.

448
00:25:10.956 --> 00:25:16.916
♪♪

449
00:25:31.080 --> 00:25:32.792
It's a poisoned shirt.

450
00:25:33.792 --> 00:25:35.416
I'll boil him!

451
00:25:35.416 --> 00:25:43.580
♪♪

452
00:25:48.248 --> 00:25:51.372
-10,000?!
-You won't lift it once.

453
00:25:51.372 --> 00:25:53.708
You can't even lift
that butter churn!

454
00:25:53.708 --> 00:25:55.416
-What did you pay her with,
my lad?

455
00:25:55.416 --> 00:25:58.248
-You didn't promise
her any goats, you halfwit?

456
00:25:58.248 --> 00:26:00.332
-No, Mam!

457
00:26:00.332 --> 00:26:02.040
Do you take me for a fool?

458
00:26:02.040 --> 00:26:03.624
-Yes!

459
00:26:06.916 --> 00:26:08.916
I'll lift it.

460
00:26:08.916 --> 00:26:11.832
10,000 times.

461
00:26:13.292 --> 00:26:15.748
-Well, at least you didn't eat
the hag's soup!

462
00:26:15.748 --> 00:26:22.916
♪♪

463
00:26:22.916 --> 00:26:30.080
♪♪

464
00:26:30.080 --> 00:26:32.000
-What's the fool doing?

465
00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:34.416
-He's gonna lift it.

466
00:26:38.292 --> 00:26:39.332
-Eventually.

467
00:26:39.332 --> 00:26:40.580
-No.

468
00:26:42.040 --> 00:26:44.164
-He has no technique.

469
00:26:44.164 --> 00:26:46.540
And not a lot of muscles,
if we're being honest.

470
00:26:46.540 --> 00:26:48.164
-Heck of a try, though.
-What?!

471
00:26:48.164 --> 00:26:49.956
Inspiring effort.

472
00:26:49.956 --> 00:26:51.664
-What? He's really trying!

473
00:26:51.664 --> 00:26:55.372
-No, there is no "try."
Only "do."

474
00:26:58.872 --> 00:27:00.164
-Should we go with him,

475
00:27:00.164 --> 00:27:02.208
or do you think
he needs some space?

476
00:27:02.208 --> 00:27:04.248
-Aaaah!

477
00:27:04.248 --> 00:27:06.208
-Space.
-Yeah.

478
00:27:06.208 --> 00:27:08.500
-And as a function
of fiscal policy,

479
00:27:08.500 --> 00:27:10.664
the justification
for any supply side analysis

480
00:27:10.664 --> 00:27:12.872
in the distribution
of essential goods and services

481
00:27:12.872 --> 00:27:15.080
in the peasant class --

482
00:27:15.080 --> 00:27:17.708
Oh, God, am I boring you?

483
00:27:17.708 --> 00:27:19.624
-I'm boring you, aren't I?
-No, milady.

484
00:27:19.624 --> 00:27:20.792
Not at all.

485
00:27:21.792 --> 00:27:24.580
Okay, so, anyway,

486
00:27:24.580 --> 00:27:26.580
Reginald
the Terrifically Opaque

487
00:27:26.580 --> 00:27:28.580
in his treatise
on feudal economies

488
00:27:28.580 --> 00:27:30.416
often cites
stochastic disruptions

489
00:27:30.416 --> 00:27:33.956
in agrarian supply chains,
caused by ogres and the like.

490
00:27:37.792 --> 00:27:43.080
♪♪

491
00:27:45.080 --> 00:27:53.332
♪♪

492
00:27:53.332 --> 00:28:01.540
♪♪

493
00:28:01.540 --> 00:28:04.000
-Oh! You idiot!

494
00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:11.124
♪♪

495
00:28:11.124 --> 00:28:18.292
♪♪

496
00:28:18.292 --> 00:28:25.416
♪♪

497
00:28:31.332 --> 00:28:32.664
-Well?

498
00:28:32.664 --> 00:28:34.124
Did you lift it?

499
00:28:35.500 --> 00:28:37.124
-No, but --

500
00:28:37.124 --> 00:28:38.248
-What did I tell you?

501
00:28:40.500 --> 00:28:43.000
-I could lift a house
when I was your age.

502
00:28:43.000 --> 00:28:46.124
Of course, I took good care
of the body the gods gave me.

503
00:28:50.124 --> 00:28:52.208
-Hey, here's one for you.

504
00:28:52.208 --> 00:28:55.292
A donkey, a mule, and a horse
go in a bar.

505
00:28:57.124 --> 00:28:58.080
No, hang on.

506
00:28:58.080 --> 00:29:00.208
So, imagine, right,

507
00:29:00.208 --> 00:29:02.248
there's three mules in a bar,
right?

508
00:29:02.248 --> 00:29:03.416
Actually, that's every...

509
00:29:03.416 --> 00:29:09.792
♪♪

510
00:29:09.792 --> 00:29:16.124
♪♪

511
00:29:17.292 --> 00:29:20.208
Barman says, "No, there's no --
only donkeys allowed."

512
00:29:21.500 --> 00:29:24.124
♪♪

513
00:29:24.124 --> 00:29:25.748
Two mules and a donkey
go in a bar.

514
00:29:25.748 --> 00:29:27.332
The barman says to the donkey,

515
00:29:27.332 --> 00:29:28.956
"Are you in the --
Are you part of this lot?"

516
00:29:28.956 --> 00:29:30.708
And he goes, "No,
I'm nothing to do with them.

517
00:29:30.708 --> 00:29:31.956
Entirely different species."

518
00:29:35.332 --> 00:29:36.792
Have you heard the one
about the three-legged goat?

519
00:29:36.792 --> 00:29:38.456
Have you heard about this one?

520
00:29:42.164 --> 00:29:43.580
Yeah, you heard that?

521
00:29:43.580 --> 00:29:47.664
A mule works -- is working
at a monastery.

522
00:29:47.664 --> 00:29:52.208
♪♪

523
00:29:52.208 --> 00:29:54.500
-The ogre stone!

524
00:29:56.956 --> 00:30:00.792
A goatherd who possesses
the ogre stone?

525
00:30:01.956 --> 00:30:03.248
-...walk into the bar.

526
00:30:03.248 --> 00:30:05.500
The barman says,
"Why the long face?"

527
00:30:05.500 --> 00:30:07.748
-I won't be long.

528
00:30:07.748 --> 00:30:09.040
-Oh, you've heard that one.

529
00:30:09.040 --> 00:30:16.456
♪♪

530
00:30:16.456 --> 00:30:23.872
♪♪

531
00:30:23.872 --> 00:30:25.580
-Hello, Mother.

532
00:30:31.792 --> 00:30:34.792
Darling, you look horrible.

533
00:30:37.956 --> 00:30:40.708
Ah! You found it!

534
00:30:40.708 --> 00:30:42.580
-It found me.

535
00:30:44.540 --> 00:30:47.000
-It found you!

536
00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:52.792
-A goatherd gave it to her.
-Who?

537
00:30:52.792 --> 00:30:54.292
-A goatherd!

538
00:30:54.292 --> 00:30:58.124
-A gopher?
Imagine that.

539
00:30:58.124 --> 00:31:00.956
Amazing things, gophers.

540
00:31:00.956 --> 00:31:04.372
-She thinks it's the one
the Evil Wizard had.

541
00:31:04.372 --> 00:31:08.500
-Is it the one
the Evil Wizard had?

542
00:31:08.500 --> 00:31:13.708
Imagine it falling
into the hands of a gopher!

543
00:31:13.708 --> 00:31:15.416
-Can you use it, husband?

544
00:31:15.416 --> 00:31:18.040
-You know I can use this.

545
00:31:18.040 --> 00:31:24.248
To transmute the power
locked within is trivial!

546
00:31:24.248 --> 00:31:30.248
Simply channel the plasmic
radiance of a thousand suns

547
00:31:30.248 --> 00:31:32.872
through the ogre stone's

548
00:31:32.872 --> 00:31:37.916
crystalitic meta-transmagoric
substrata,

549
00:31:37.916 --> 00:31:42.456
while invoking
the phantasmica esoterica

550
00:31:42.456 --> 00:31:47.372
so that the transmutation
doesn't start a chain reaction

551
00:31:47.372 --> 00:31:52.456
that consumes Earth's
34 astral planes

552
00:31:52.456 --> 00:31:55.040
in apocalyptic fire,

553
00:31:55.040 --> 00:32:01.000
freeing the thousand demons
of Beelzebub the Destroyer!

554
00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:06.248
To think, this divine power
hiding for years

555
00:32:06.248 --> 00:32:10.664
in the clever paws
of a lowly gopher!

556
00:32:10.664 --> 00:32:14.832
Be done in a jiffy
if I go then, alright.

557
00:32:16.664 --> 00:32:20.124
-The Sultan offered a hundred
goats for your hand, darling.

558
00:32:20.124 --> 00:32:22.916
Stay and meet him.
You cannot hold out forever.

559
00:32:22.916 --> 00:32:25.040
-I'm sick.

560
00:32:25.040 --> 00:32:27.208
-Are you, darling?

561
00:32:33.872 --> 00:32:36.248
My snot has turned to honey.

562
00:32:36.248 --> 00:32:37.956
What is it, Mother?
Is it fatal?

563
00:32:37.956 --> 00:32:42.000
-Darling, have you
met someone recently?

564
00:32:43.124 --> 00:32:45.164
-No.

565
00:32:45.164 --> 00:32:47.208
Just the goatherd.

566
00:32:47.208 --> 00:32:49.164
He begged me to take
a curse away.

567
00:32:49.164 --> 00:32:51.500
-But you cannot break curses.

568
00:32:51.500 --> 00:32:53.292
-He doesn't know that, does he?

569
00:32:53.292 --> 00:32:55.208
Hmm.

570
00:32:55.208 --> 00:32:56.624
He said he can never
take a wife.

571
00:32:56.624 --> 00:32:58.872
It was pitiful.

572
00:32:58.872 --> 00:33:01.956
He had the ogre stone.

573
00:33:01.956 --> 00:33:04.124
He could be Zeus.

574
00:33:04.124 --> 00:33:06.248
Sometimes he disguises himself
as a --

575
00:33:06.248 --> 00:33:07.872
-He is not Zeus.

576
00:33:07.872 --> 00:33:11.624
I think I would know Zeus
if I saw Zeus naked.

577
00:33:13.624 --> 00:33:16.872
-You saw the goatherd naked?

578
00:33:16.872 --> 00:33:19.124
Well, well, well, well, well.

579
00:33:19.124 --> 00:33:20.792
That's progress.

580
00:33:20.792 --> 00:33:26.500
-Mother, he is just an ordinary,
garden variety goatherd!

581
00:33:26.500 --> 00:33:28.832
With blue eyes.

582
00:33:28.832 --> 00:33:33.000
-Fire in the hole!

583
00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:34.664
-So, how many goats
does he have?

584
00:33:34.664 --> 00:33:37.872
No! He's --

585
00:33:37.872 --> 00:33:39.916
He's a lowly halfwit goatherd

586
00:33:39.916 --> 00:33:42.624
I hoodwinked
out of the ogre stone.

587
00:33:42.624 --> 00:33:45.292
Smell this.
Is it enchanted?

588
00:33:48.792 --> 00:33:50.872
-No, darling, it's rancid.

589
00:33:50.872 --> 00:33:52.748
It's not enchanted.

590
00:33:57.664 --> 00:33:59.248
-Voila!

591
00:34:01.872 --> 00:34:03.792
I hope this helps.

592
00:34:03.792 --> 00:34:13.500
♪♪

593
00:34:13.500 --> 00:34:15.248
-Is this for the butterflies,
the honey snot,

594
00:34:15.248 --> 00:34:16.956
and the rainbows?
-No, dear.

595
00:34:16.956 --> 00:34:19.832
It's for your hair.
It's a disaster.

596
00:34:22.080 --> 00:34:25.248
If the goatherd has
a lot of goats, or a castle,

597
00:34:25.248 --> 00:34:28.416
you could do worse.
Maybe ask him, if he comes back.

598
00:34:28.416 --> 00:34:30.248
-He isn't coming back.

599
00:34:31.624 --> 00:34:34.248
The task I gave him
is impossible.

600
00:34:34.248 --> 00:34:42.080
♪♪

601
00:34:44.956 --> 00:34:52.332
♪♪

602
00:34:52.332 --> 00:34:59.664
♪♪

603
00:35:02.164 --> 00:35:03.664
-Yeah!

604
00:35:03.664 --> 00:35:05.956
You did it!
I knew you could do it!

605
00:35:05.956 --> 00:35:07.332
Whoo-hoo!

606
00:35:07.332 --> 00:35:11.748
♪♪

607
00:35:15.248 --> 00:35:19.040
-Only 9,999 to go!

608
00:35:20.332 --> 00:35:22.500
-Well, I once ate 50 eggs.
-Huh?

609
00:35:22.500 --> 00:35:24.248
-What is wrong with you?!

610
00:35:24.248 --> 00:35:32.664
♪♪

611
00:35:32.664 --> 00:35:41.124
♪♪

612
00:35:41.124 --> 00:35:49.540
♪♪

613
00:35:49.540 --> 00:35:58.000
♪♪

614
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:06.416
♪♪

615
00:36:06.416 --> 00:36:14.872
♪♪

616
00:36:14.872 --> 00:36:23.292
♪♪

617
00:36:23.292 --> 00:36:31.708
♪♪

618
00:36:31.708 --> 00:36:40.164
♪♪

619
00:36:40.164 --> 00:36:48.580
♪♪

620
00:36:48.580 --> 00:36:57.040
♪♪

621
00:36:57.040 --> 00:37:05.456
♪♪

622
00:37:07.456 --> 00:37:16.708
♪♪

623
00:37:16.708 --> 00:37:25.916
♪♪

624
00:37:47.416 --> 00:37:48.748
-Bit longer than I was hoping.

625
00:37:48.748 --> 00:37:52.124
-11 months.
First task of three!

626
00:37:52.124 --> 00:37:53.540
-I thought you'd be impressed
that I --

627
00:37:53.540 --> 00:37:56.208
-Impressed?
Why would I be impressed?

628
00:37:56.208 --> 00:37:57.624
You can't impress a witch.

629
00:37:57.624 --> 00:38:00.080
Succeed, fail --
makes no difference to me.

630
00:38:00.080 --> 00:38:02.208
You probably don't even want me
to give you the second task.

631
00:38:02.208 --> 00:38:03.664
-I do!

632
00:38:03.664 --> 00:38:04.792
-Probably think
it's a big accomplishment,

633
00:38:04.792 --> 00:38:06.792
lifting a silly piece of wood.

634
00:38:06.792 --> 00:38:09.164
"Oh, look at me.
I tossed the Caber.

635
00:38:09.164 --> 00:38:13.000
Look at my big muscles.
Look at my strong legs.

636
00:38:13.000 --> 00:38:15.708
Look at my exceedingly
toned stomach."

637
00:38:15.708 --> 00:38:17.540
You'll probably spend
your life drunk,

638
00:38:17.540 --> 00:38:20.872
bragging about it
with your mates at the tavern.

639
00:38:20.872 --> 00:38:23.040
-Are you upset about something?
-No. I --

640
00:38:23.040 --> 00:38:25.624
-You seem upset.
-I'm fine.

641
00:38:25.624 --> 00:38:28.416
-Did you...do something
to your hair?

642
00:38:30.416 --> 00:38:31.664
-Bless you.

643
00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:35.956
Would you like to give me
the second task?

644
00:38:35.956 --> 00:38:37.416
-Why should I?

645
00:38:37.416 --> 00:38:38.956
-I thought we had a bargain.

646
00:38:40.124 --> 00:38:44.164
-Each task is harder
than the last, you understand.

647
00:38:44.164 --> 00:38:46.916
Set any travail, witch.

648
00:38:46.916 --> 00:38:49.292
I shall accomplish it.

649
00:38:49.292 --> 00:38:51.248
-Do you still live
with your mother?

650
00:38:52.580 --> 00:38:54.456
-Yes.
-Uh-huh.

651
00:38:54.456 --> 00:38:57.956
You shall seek out
the ogre's keep.

652
00:38:57.956 --> 00:39:01.500
You shall slay the ogre king
and his many henchmen,

653
00:39:01.500 --> 00:39:04.916
and you shall take
possession of his castle.

654
00:39:04.916 --> 00:39:06.664
And redecorate it.

655
00:39:08.416 --> 00:39:09.956
-I'm not all that experienced --
-You said any travail.

656
00:39:09.956 --> 00:39:11.416
-I meant metaphorically
speaking.

657
00:39:11.416 --> 00:39:13.040
I could kill, like,
many, many spiders or --

658
00:39:13.040 --> 00:39:14.540
-Ogres. Just kill the ogres.
-Or if you had, like --

659
00:39:14.540 --> 00:39:16.292
an infestation of termites --
-Just do it!

660
00:39:16.292 --> 00:39:17.792
-...like, a big mound of them --
-You said, "Any travail."

661
00:39:17.792 --> 00:39:19.416
-The ogres have plagued our land
for 20 years.

662
00:39:19.416 --> 00:39:21.080
-"I will accomplish it."
-Whole armies have tried --

663
00:39:21.080 --> 00:39:22.708
-Like, in a big, manly voice,
only you didn't mean it

664
00:39:22.708 --> 00:39:24.040
'cause you're a liar!
-It's just very difficult

665
00:39:24.040 --> 00:39:25.580
for someone who's not
very experienced

666
00:39:25.580 --> 00:39:27.792
with swords and things
to kill a huge number

667
00:39:27.792 --> 00:39:31.080
of well-defended ogres
inside their castle!

668
00:39:31.080 --> 00:39:33.664
And redecorating, that's like
"two for one" tasks, anyway.

669
00:39:33.664 --> 00:39:38.124
-It's not a suggestion.
It's a travail.

670
00:39:38.124 --> 00:39:41.372
To aid you
in this dangerous trial,

671
00:39:41.372 --> 00:39:46.708
I will bestow unto you
a weapon of unusual power.

672
00:39:48.292 --> 00:39:51.124
-Well, I've fought
the ogres plenty in my day,

673
00:39:51.124 --> 00:39:53.540
but never with one of these.

674
00:39:53.540 --> 00:39:57.208
-So, but...can you teach me
to fight?

675
00:39:57.208 --> 00:40:00.208
-I could, but it would be
a sore trade

676
00:40:00.208 --> 00:40:02.832
for the service you did my leg.

677
00:40:02.832 --> 00:40:04.124
Better you take back your crook

678
00:40:04.124 --> 00:40:05.956
than take up a sword
at your age.

679
00:40:08.292 --> 00:40:10.332
Did you find that wife,
by the way?

680
00:40:11.832 --> 00:40:13.332
Not yet.

681
00:40:15.792 --> 00:40:18.080
-And so, with the mighty spoon
at his side,

682
00:40:18.080 --> 00:40:19.416
he would bravely set out

683
00:40:19.416 --> 00:40:22.372
to lay siege
to the ogre's keep...

684
00:40:22.372 --> 00:40:24.164
by himself.

685
00:40:24.164 --> 00:40:26.416
Which in retrospect was...

686
00:40:26.416 --> 00:40:28.748
but anyway,
it took a lot of courage.

687
00:40:28.748 --> 00:40:31.208
-They 'll sing songs about this.
-No, they won't.

688
00:40:31.208 --> 00:40:33.080
-If we win, they will.
-We won't win.

689
00:40:33.080 --> 00:40:34.416
-But if we do somehow win,

690
00:40:34.416 --> 00:40:35.916
they 'll go off
on the songs about it.

691
00:40:35.916 --> 00:40:37.916
-No, they won't.
We're all going to die.

692
00:40:37.916 --> 00:40:39.500
Some of us will get eaten.

693
00:40:39.500 --> 00:40:41.872
-I long for the gardens
of Cordoba,

694
00:40:41.872 --> 00:40:43.500
but first must come
the fighting.

695
00:40:43.500 --> 00:40:46.040
But then the gardens.
-God, you're weird.

696
00:40:47.080 --> 00:40:48.540
-The man with the plan!

697
00:40:48.540 --> 00:40:50.416
-What plan?
There's no plan.

698
00:40:50.416 --> 00:40:52.916
-There is a plan.
He's got the spoon.

699
00:40:52.916 --> 00:40:54.624
-What spoon?
That spoon?

700
00:40:54.624 --> 00:40:57.792
-Yeah. That spoon!

701
00:41:01.916 --> 00:41:04.080
-Off you go, bucket-head!

702
00:41:04.080 --> 00:41:10.872
♪♪

703
00:41:17.456 --> 00:41:18.748
-Hmm.

704
00:41:18.748 --> 00:41:20.748
-We're going to need
a bigger spoon.

705
00:41:22.292 --> 00:41:23.832
And a bigger hat...

706
00:41:23.832 --> 00:41:30.456
♪♪

707
00:41:37.248 --> 00:41:39.832
-Honestly, that went better
than I expected.

708
00:41:39.832 --> 00:41:45.832
-Aaaaaaah!

709
00:41:50.748 --> 00:41:53.164
-It was around this point
that the man began to see

710
00:41:53.164 --> 00:41:55.124
that his assault
on the ogre's keep

711
00:41:55.124 --> 00:41:56.916
may have been hasty,

712
00:41:56.916 --> 00:41:58.832
and once inside the courtyard,

713
00:41:58.832 --> 00:42:02.624
the flaws in his plan quickly
began to reveal themselves.

714
00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:06.792
He'd thought a great deal
about how to get in,

715
00:42:06.792 --> 00:42:09.956
but hadn't given as much
thought to how to get out.

716
00:42:09.956 --> 00:42:18.624
♪♪

717
00:42:18.624 --> 00:42:27.292
♪♪

718
00:42:29.292 --> 00:42:36.792
♪♪

719
00:42:36.792 --> 00:42:40.164
-No! You idiot!
What?!

720
00:42:40.164 --> 00:42:41.792
Not like that!

721
00:42:41.792 --> 00:42:50.332
♪♪

722
00:42:54.292 --> 00:42:59.500
♪♪

723
00:42:59.500 --> 00:43:04.708
♪♪

724
00:43:09.792 --> 00:43:16.748
♪♪

725
00:43:16.748 --> 00:43:23.664
♪♪

726
00:43:23.664 --> 00:43:30.624
♪♪

727
00:43:30.624 --> 00:43:35.248
♪♪

728
00:43:35.248 --> 00:43:44.500
♪♪♪♪

729
00:43:44.500 --> 00:43:51.416
♪♪

730
00:43:56.664 --> 00:44:00.872
How are you going to get
a wife if you 're dead?

731
00:44:00.872 --> 00:44:04.000
You think that wives want
dead husbands?!

732
00:44:04.000 --> 00:44:07.124
-Maybe! Some of them do!
I don't know!

733
00:44:07.124 --> 00:44:08.916
You said take
the ogre king's castle!

734
00:44:08.916 --> 00:44:10.708
-Yeah, but with a spoon!

735
00:44:10.708 --> 00:44:13.916
-Well, I couldn't club a field
mouse to death with this!

736
00:44:13.916 --> 00:44:15.872
-It's not for clubbing!
-Ow!

737
00:44:15.872 --> 00:44:17.580
-It's for cooking!

738
00:44:17.580 --> 00:44:20.292
Soup! Cook soup!

739
00:44:20.292 --> 00:44:23.208
Poison the soup with the spoon.

740
00:44:23.208 --> 00:44:25.956
Ogres eat soup.
The soup kills them.

741
00:44:25.956 --> 00:44:28.832
and you take their castle!
-Ow!

742
00:44:28.832 --> 00:44:30.416
-And redecorate it!

743
00:44:32.292 --> 00:44:34.832
-Aye, that's a better plan.

744
00:44:34.832 --> 00:44:36.292
Why didn't I think of that?

745
00:44:36.292 --> 00:44:38.248
Could have been
a little clearer, but anyway.

746
00:44:38.248 --> 00:44:40.540
-Instructions were on the spoon!

747
00:44:40.540 --> 00:44:42.164
Read the instructions!

748
00:44:42.164 --> 00:44:44.164
What kind of man doesn't read
the instructions?

749
00:44:47.456 --> 00:44:51.040
-"The Spoon of Unusual Power.

750
00:44:51.040 --> 00:44:53.248
Add ogrebane.

751
00:44:53.248 --> 00:44:54.748
Stir."

752
00:44:54.748 --> 00:44:56.872
-The instructions were simple.

753
00:44:56.872 --> 00:45:00.956
He was to make a soup,
add the little herb of ogrebane,

754
00:45:00.956 --> 00:45:04.080
and stir with the mighty spoon.

755
00:45:04.080 --> 00:45:07.664
After that, the soup
would kill a mountain troll.

756
00:45:07.664 --> 00:45:10.164
Or a castle full of ogres.

757
00:45:10.164 --> 00:45:12.208
-Can you make soup?

758
00:45:12.208 --> 00:45:13.540
-Of course.

759
00:45:14.540 --> 00:45:15.872
Mam!

760
00:45:17.832 --> 00:45:19.664
I need your recipe for soup.

761
00:45:21.500 --> 00:45:24.708
-Oh, he wants to be the great
and mighty cook now, so he does.

762
00:45:25.792 --> 00:45:27.540
-Mam!

763
00:45:27.540 --> 00:45:30.456
Do you want me living here
forever with you?

764
00:45:30.456 --> 00:45:33.208
-And carrots...and turnips.

765
00:45:34.956 --> 00:45:37.292
I was talking to your mother --

766
00:46:02.708 --> 00:46:04.124
-Oh.

767
00:46:04.124 --> 00:46:11.664
♪♪

768
00:46:17.124 --> 00:46:20.372
♪♪

769
00:46:20.372 --> 00:46:22.916
-Captain, you are a man.

770
00:46:25.248 --> 00:46:28.748
-Yes, sire, I've always felt
that I am.

771
00:46:28.748 --> 00:46:31.916
-And why should a king
look down on any worthy man,

772
00:46:31.916 --> 00:46:34.500
so long as he has valor in him?

773
00:46:35.500 --> 00:46:38.624
Give it out among all my people
that any soul

774
00:46:38.624 --> 00:46:42.164
who rids me of this
never-ending curse of ogres

775
00:46:42.164 --> 00:46:44.372
shall earn my daughter's hand.

776
00:46:45.500 --> 00:46:47.580
-Anyone, my king?

777
00:46:47.580 --> 00:46:52.040
-Anyone -- be it
the lowliest goatherd or...

778
00:46:54.708 --> 00:46:57.080
...the captain of my Guard.

779
00:46:57.080 --> 00:47:01.292
♪♪

780
00:47:03.956 --> 00:47:05.624
-I made it myself.

781
00:47:05.624 --> 00:47:07.456
A little help, but...

782
00:47:08.708 --> 00:47:13.040
Is it not good?
-It's...not half bad.

783
00:47:14.164 --> 00:47:17.372
You 'd be mad to go to the
ogre's keep until dark, anyway.

784
00:47:17.372 --> 00:47:18.832
-Maybe you could stay --
-Maybe I could stay --

785
00:47:18.832 --> 00:47:20.456
-...and have lunch.
-...and have lunch

786
00:47:20.456 --> 00:47:21.832
before I go.

787
00:47:23.832 --> 00:47:29.124
♪♪

788
00:47:29.124 --> 00:47:34.372
♪♪

789
00:47:34.372 --> 00:47:36.164
-The Evil Wizard...

790
00:47:37.540 --> 00:47:39.624
He said I'll never take a wife.

791
00:47:41.000 --> 00:47:43.080
But I'll break that curse.

792
00:47:45.580 --> 00:47:48.164
With your help,
I know I can do it.

793
00:47:48.164 --> 00:47:52.580
I see it, like...in my mind.

794
00:47:54.040 --> 00:47:56.580
-You're laughing at me.
-No.

795
00:47:56.580 --> 00:47:58.956
-Should have known
you can never trust a witch.

796
00:48:02.872 --> 00:48:04.624
I should get going.

797
00:48:07.664 --> 00:48:09.164
-There's one more thing.

798
00:48:10.164 --> 00:48:13.664
We'll need to help you
become invisible.

799
00:48:15.080 --> 00:48:16.872
-With magic?

800
00:48:16.872 --> 00:48:19.956
-The witch bestowed on him
a mighty disguise,

801
00:48:19.956 --> 00:48:22.292
and with it the ogre stone.

802
00:48:22.292 --> 00:48:24.372
She warned him
he must bring to her

803
00:48:24.372 --> 00:48:28.248
the ogre king's golden scalp
and his deadly scepter.

804
00:48:28.248 --> 00:48:30.124
And once again
she made him promise

805
00:48:30.124 --> 00:48:32.708
to return the instant
the task was done.

806
00:48:32.708 --> 00:48:35.792
-I promise I shall return
the instant it is done.

807
00:48:37.000 --> 00:48:38.540
-And...

808
00:48:39.832 --> 00:48:41.580
...don't forget the ogrebane.

809
00:48:41.580 --> 00:48:43.416
-The ogrebane, yeah.
I won't forget.

810
00:48:51.664 --> 00:48:53.540
-Goatherd, wait!

811
00:48:53.540 --> 00:48:57.164
Don't...die.

812
00:48:58.164 --> 00:49:02.292
♪♪

813
00:49:05.500 --> 00:49:11.332
♪♪

814
00:49:16.416 --> 00:49:17.664
-Mm.

815
00:49:24.956 --> 00:49:27.748
-Oh, go on, hurry up!

816
00:49:27.748 --> 00:49:29.332
Quick!

817
00:49:29.332 --> 00:49:35.040
♪♪

818
00:49:35.040 --> 00:49:40.748
♪♪

819
00:49:42.748 --> 00:49:47.792
♪♪

820
00:49:49.792 --> 00:49:56.748
♪♪

821
00:49:56.748 --> 00:50:03.664
♪♪

822
00:50:03.664 --> 00:50:10.624
♪♪

823
00:50:10.624 --> 00:50:17.580
♪♪

824
00:50:17.580 --> 00:50:24.500
♪♪

825
00:50:24.500 --> 00:50:31.456
♪♪

826
00:50:33.456 --> 00:50:43.332
♪♪

827
00:50:43.332 --> 00:50:53.208
♪♪

828
00:50:55.208 --> 00:51:02.956
♪♪

829
00:51:04.956 --> 00:51:13.832
♪♪

830
00:51:13.832 --> 00:51:22.664
♪♪

831
00:51:22.664 --> 00:51:31.540
♪♪

832
00:51:35.540 --> 00:51:41.748
♪♪

833
00:51:43.748 --> 00:51:52.792
♪♪

834
00:51:52.792 --> 00:52:01.792
♪♪

835
00:52:01.792 --> 00:52:10.832
♪♪

836
00:52:10.832 --> 00:52:19.832
♪♪

837
00:52:19.832 --> 00:52:21.916
-The horror.

838
00:52:21.916 --> 00:52:23.580
The horror.

839
00:52:23.580 --> 00:52:26.916
♪♪

840
00:52:28.916 --> 00:52:37.000
♪♪

841
00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:45.080
♪♪

842
00:52:45.080 --> 00:52:53.164
♪♪

843
00:53:02.916 --> 00:53:09.708
♪♪

844
00:53:09.708 --> 00:53:16.540
♪♪

845
00:53:16.540 --> 00:53:23.332
♪♪

846
00:53:23.332 --> 00:53:30.124
♪♪

847
00:53:30.124 --> 00:53:36.956
♪♪

848
00:53:36.956 --> 00:53:43.748
♪♪

849
00:53:43.748 --> 00:53:46.124
-What are we doing here?

850
00:53:46.124 --> 00:53:48.664
-We're waiting.
-Waiting for what?

851
00:53:48.664 --> 00:53:51.040
-She wants us to meet
the gopher.

852
00:53:52.040 --> 00:53:53.916
-Goatherd?

853
00:53:53.916 --> 00:53:55.416
What goatherd?

854
00:53:56.416 --> 00:53:58.748
-Don't ask me
how many goats he has.

855
00:53:59.748 --> 00:54:02.248
-How many goats does he have?

856
00:54:03.416 --> 00:54:06.748
-Are you sure he's coming,
darling?

857
00:54:06.748 --> 00:54:09.080
Yes.

858
00:54:09.080 --> 00:54:10.916
He better be.

859
00:54:10.916 --> 00:54:14.500
-Stand aside! We've come to lay
siege to the ogre king's keep!

860
00:54:14.500 --> 00:54:16.000
And the princess's hand

861
00:54:16.000 --> 00:54:18.624
to that man who takes
his golden scalp!

862
00:54:20.956 --> 00:54:23.040
We meet again.

863
00:54:23.040 --> 00:54:25.416
I hope you've left some ogres
for the rest of us, countryman!

864
00:54:25.416 --> 00:54:27.332
I've yet to avenge my horse!

865
00:54:28.332 --> 00:54:31.040
Is it your mighty spoon
you hide behind your back?

866
00:54:33.500 --> 00:54:35.372
Show me your hands, fellow.

867
00:54:38.872 --> 00:54:41.040
The ogre king's fell scepter.

868
00:54:42.040 --> 00:54:43.624
And his golden scalp.

869
00:54:44.624 --> 00:54:47.000
Is this some trick, or...

870
00:54:47.000 --> 00:54:49.624
did you truly best these ogres,
by the gods?

871
00:54:49.624 --> 00:54:52.664
-Basically...yes.

872
00:54:52.664 --> 00:54:56.708
But --
-Behold, countrymen,

873
00:54:56.708 --> 00:54:59.040
at long last
the Plague of a Thousand Ogres

874
00:54:59.040 --> 00:55:00.872
this day has ended.

875
00:55:02.664 --> 00:55:05.164
And our kingdom has
a new champion!

876
00:55:05.164 --> 00:55:07.832
All hail the mighty goatherd!

877
00:55:09.208 --> 00:55:10.792
-Bring him to the King!

878
00:55:12.372 --> 00:55:14.832
-Please, please! I must go
to the Banebower Witch!

879
00:55:14.832 --> 00:55:16.080
Please!

880
00:55:31.164 --> 00:55:34.040
-Make way!
-Make way for the King's Guard!

881
00:55:34.040 --> 00:55:35.292
-Make way!

882
00:55:35.456 --> 00:55:37.080
-Make way!

883
00:55:38.956 --> 00:55:42.624
-Oh, joyous day!

884
00:55:42.624 --> 00:55:46.872
Captain, I see that here
you have brought your king

885
00:55:46.872 --> 00:55:52.164
the very tokens of the enemy
he dared never hope to see.

886
00:55:52.164 --> 00:55:59.000
And valor, so nobly and so
freely given, must be rewarded.

887
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:03.416
Thus, as I have decreed,
you have earned the hand of --

888
00:56:03.416 --> 00:56:05.664
-Wait. Wait, sire.

889
00:56:05.664 --> 00:56:07.500
Beg pardon, my king,
not to interrupt,

890
00:56:07.500 --> 00:56:10.792
but...truly, sire,
such valor that I have

891
00:56:10.792 --> 00:56:13.000
I would not steal from any man.

892
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:14.832
It was not I who slew
the ogre king --

893
00:56:14.832 --> 00:56:17.872
...but this...

894
00:56:19.624 --> 00:56:22.372
...this, uh...

895
00:56:22.372 --> 00:56:28.664
very worthy...person...here.

896
00:56:32.040 --> 00:56:35.372
-And, um...what is he?

897
00:56:35.372 --> 00:56:38.416
-A goatherd, my sovereign.

898
00:56:41.872 --> 00:56:44.872
-Oh.
-How many goats does he have?

899
00:56:49.500 --> 00:56:52.292
-Thus, with the Plague
of a Thousand Ogres

900
00:56:52.292 --> 00:56:54.748
finally vanquished,
let it be known

901
00:56:54.748 --> 00:56:59.208
that to this common-born man
I give my consent

902
00:56:59.208 --> 00:57:02.624
that he be betrothed
to my daughter,

903
00:57:02.624 --> 00:57:04.164
the prin--

904
00:57:07.916 --> 00:57:11.416
-My king...the thing is...

905
00:57:11.416 --> 00:57:12.872
-The thing is?

906
00:57:13.872 --> 00:57:16.124
-Well, the thing is...

907
00:57:16.124 --> 00:57:18.248
-I think I would honored
to accept!

908
00:57:18.248 --> 00:57:21.040
-He's honored to accept!

909
00:57:21.040 --> 00:57:25.540
The lowliest among us
raised on high this day!

910
00:57:29.372 --> 00:57:31.080
No! Wait!

911
00:57:33.580 --> 00:57:37.000
-Not so fast.

912
00:57:40.624 --> 00:57:42.832
Has my face changed so much

913
00:57:42.832 --> 00:57:45.792
since we made our bargain,
oh, king?

914
00:57:46.872 --> 00:57:48.500
-"Oh, king"?
-Or have you forgotten

915
00:57:48.500 --> 00:57:52.748
the price you promised me then,
and so owe to me now,

916
00:57:52.748 --> 00:57:56.416
the wish I granted you,
to rid the land of ogres,

917
00:57:56.416 --> 00:57:59.916
now having been fulfilled?

918
00:57:59.916 --> 00:58:01.580
-No man can forget

919
00:58:01.580 --> 00:58:04.500
the Green-Eyed Lady
of Banebower Wood,

920
00:58:04.500 --> 00:58:07.248
though time has changed us both.

921
00:58:07.248 --> 00:58:12.540
You did promise me, witch,
to break the Evil Wizard's curse

922
00:58:12.540 --> 00:58:14.708
and banish
the Plague of A Thousand Ogres,

923
00:58:14.708 --> 00:58:17.792
those many years ago.

924
00:58:17.792 --> 00:58:20.580
But truly, I believe
it was by the valor

925
00:58:20.580 --> 00:58:22.416
of this brave goatherd,

926
00:58:22.416 --> 00:58:25.872
and not by any art of yours
that we are delivered this day.

927
00:58:25.872 --> 00:58:29.000
-And what does this...
goatherd have to say?

928
00:58:30.164 --> 00:58:32.416
-It's your word or hers, my son.

929
00:58:32.416 --> 00:58:34.624
Be careful how you answer.

930
00:58:34.624 --> 00:58:37.000
Here stands my daughter.

931
00:58:45.292 --> 00:58:46.956
-My king...

932
00:58:48.708 --> 00:58:51.456
...it was she.
-Speak up! We can't hear you!

933
00:58:51.456 --> 00:58:53.000
-There's a little gray area,
but --

934
00:58:53.000 --> 00:58:54.832
-Louder!

935
00:58:54.832 --> 00:59:00.916
-The witch it was who gave me
The Spoon of Unusual Power --

936
00:59:00.916 --> 00:59:05.248
-The Spoon of Unusual Power?
-It's a spoon.

937
00:59:05.248 --> 00:59:12.000
And she it was who gave me
the secret of besting the ogres,

938
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:15.080
the herb of ogrebane.

939
00:59:19.708 --> 00:59:22.872
-Then it seems we must grant
the witch her price.

940
00:59:24.872 --> 00:59:26.708
-Father...

941
00:59:26.708 --> 00:59:28.164
what price?

942
00:59:33.000 --> 00:59:34.872
-Go on, king,

943
00:59:34.872 --> 00:59:38.956
tell your extremely fashionable
and rather tall princess

944
00:59:38.956 --> 00:59:40.416
what you agreed to.

945
00:59:42.208 --> 00:59:44.664
-That, um...

946
00:59:44.664 --> 00:59:47.832
How did it go, again?
Um, yes.

947
00:59:47.832 --> 00:59:52.872
That no man may marry
the princess, unless...

948
00:59:52.872 --> 00:59:54.208
-Unless what?

949
00:59:54.208 --> 00:59:57.164
-Unless he pass a trial
of my choosing

950
00:59:57.164 --> 01:00:00.000
and thereby earn my consent
to marry the princess.

951
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.540
-Wait! What?!
-What?!

952
01:00:01.540 --> 01:00:04.124
-Might not be as bad
as it sounds.

953
01:00:04.124 --> 01:00:05.792
-Her consent?!

954
01:00:05.792 --> 01:00:08.456
For me to be married? Hers?

955
01:00:08.456 --> 01:00:11.500
A witchy shut-in who wouldn't
know heroic true love

956
01:00:11.500 --> 01:00:13.708
from a bloody hole
in the ground?

957
01:00:13.708 --> 01:00:17.456
Oh, that's bloody brilliant,
that is!

958
01:00:17.456 --> 01:00:20.332
Alright!
Let's have it, then.

959
01:00:20.332 --> 01:00:25.416
Tell us, you -- you --
you witch!

960
01:00:26.916 --> 01:00:29.624
What is this super-duper
special trial?

961
01:00:29.624 --> 01:00:30.916
-You don't want to know.

962
01:00:30.916 --> 01:00:33.708
- We do!
- We definitely do!

963
01:00:35.916 --> 01:00:40.208
-The princess may be betrothed
only to such a skillful soul

964
01:00:40.208 --> 01:00:43.664
who shall perform here,
before you all,

965
01:00:43.664 --> 01:00:47.956
the Dance
of A Thousand Steps!

966
01:00:50.332 --> 01:00:53.624
-Dance Master!
Dance Master!

967
01:00:53.624 --> 01:00:56.872
What's the Dance
of a Thousand Steps?!

968
01:00:56.872 --> 01:00:59.580
Is it something the kids
are doing these days?

969
01:00:59.580 --> 01:01:01.292
And one thing more --

970
01:01:01.292 --> 01:01:03.580
this task will be accomplished

971
01:01:03.580 --> 01:01:08.872
before the last grain of sand
falls from this hourglass,

972
01:01:08.872 --> 01:01:10.872
or...

973
01:01:10.872 --> 01:01:14.208
she shall
never be wed at all!

974
01:01:17.956 --> 01:01:24.792
♪♪

975
01:01:24.792 --> 01:01:26.748
-How long will that take?

976
01:01:28.500 --> 01:01:29.916
-One week.

977
01:01:31.164 --> 01:01:33.208
-How do you know that?

978
01:01:36.456 --> 01:01:38.040
-How does he know that?

979
01:01:39.040 --> 01:01:41.416
-Hag!
Are you in there, hag?

980
01:01:41.416 --> 01:01:44.040
-I am not a hag!

981
01:01:44.040 --> 01:01:45.248
-You're right.
That's a fair point.

982
01:01:45.248 --> 01:01:46.624
I did notice that, actually.

983
01:01:46.624 --> 01:01:48.372
But anyway, you said
you would help me.

984
01:01:48.372 --> 01:01:49.956
-Have I not?!

985
01:01:49.956 --> 01:01:52.792
I have done all that I have
promised and more.

986
01:01:52.792 --> 01:01:54.332
More than you were worthy of!

987
01:01:54.332 --> 01:01:56.832
-You said you would help me
break the curse!

988
01:01:56.832 --> 01:02:00.916
I said you must help
yourself to break it!

989
01:02:00.916 --> 01:02:02.456
-Had me slay the ogres.

990
01:02:02.456 --> 01:02:05.124
That second task
wasn't even for me, was it?

991
01:02:05.124 --> 01:02:06.500
It was so that you could
keep your promise

992
01:02:06.500 --> 01:02:07.748
to help break
the curse of the king,

993
01:02:07.748 --> 01:02:09.540
which -- fair point, again --

994
01:02:09.540 --> 01:02:11.540
might be a little bit more
important than my curse.

995
01:02:11.540 --> 01:02:12.540
-First come, first served!

996
01:02:12.540 --> 01:02:14.208
-You were serving two customers

997
01:02:14.208 --> 01:02:15.832
with one bowl of soup!

998
01:02:15.832 --> 01:02:18.000
-What if I was!?
-Well, you might have told me!

999
01:02:18.000 --> 01:02:20.372
You might have
kept your promise

1000
01:02:20.372 --> 01:02:22.164
and come straight back!

1001
01:02:22.164 --> 01:02:23.248
You might not have
fallen in love

1002
01:02:23.248 --> 01:02:24.664
with the first royal floozy --

1003
01:02:24.664 --> 01:02:27.540
-Love?!
Who said anything about love!

1004
01:02:28.540 --> 01:02:30.872
The king wants me
to marry the Princess.

1005
01:02:30.872 --> 01:02:32.372
What am I going to say?

1006
01:02:32.372 --> 01:02:34.248
-You're old enough
to be her father!

1007
01:02:34.248 --> 01:02:37.956
-Look, witch, there aren't
an infinite of candidates

1008
01:02:37.956 --> 01:02:41.080
lining up to marry a goatherd!

1009
01:02:41.080 --> 01:02:42.916
I mean, look around.

1010
01:02:42.916 --> 01:02:44.872
There's no one else, is there?

1011
01:02:48.248 --> 01:02:51.372
The third task!
You promised three!

1012
01:02:51.372 --> 01:02:53.124
-I gave it to you!

1013
01:02:53.124 --> 01:02:54.832
Or weren't you listening?

1014
01:02:54.832 --> 01:02:58.332
Go! Learn
the Dance of A Thousand Steps

1015
01:02:58.332 --> 01:03:02.080
so you can have your princess
and live happily ever after.

1016
01:03:02.080 --> 01:03:03.872
-But --
-Do you want a wife?

1017
01:03:03.872 --> 01:03:07.416
Or don't you?
-I can't dance!

1018
01:03:07.416 --> 01:03:09.792
I can't dance!

1019
01:03:09.792 --> 01:03:13.040
I can't dance a dance of two
steps, never mind a thousand!

1020
01:03:13.040 --> 01:03:14.748
And even if I could dance,

1021
01:03:14.748 --> 01:03:16.624
I certainly couldn't dance
in front of other people!

1022
01:03:16.624 --> 01:03:17.792
I don't know why.
My mouth goes dry,

1023
01:03:17.792 --> 01:03:19.248
my knees start to shake.

1024
01:03:19.248 --> 01:03:21.124
It makes me
want to lose my soup --

1025
01:03:21.124 --> 01:03:23.416
in both directions!

1026
01:03:23.416 --> 01:03:25.208
You saw me out there!

1027
01:03:25.208 --> 01:03:27.624
The only thing
I am capable of doing

1028
01:03:27.624 --> 01:03:31.872
in front of a crowd of people
is drooling on myself!

1029
01:03:31.872 --> 01:03:37.040
A dance?!
Are you daft, witch?!

1030
01:03:38.040 --> 01:03:40.124
How will I even learn it?

1031
01:03:40.124 --> 01:03:41.580
-Figure it out.

1032
01:03:42.580 --> 01:03:44.456
-The payment.

1033
01:03:44.456 --> 01:03:49.372
My firstborn --
there won't be one if I fail.

1034
01:03:49.372 --> 01:03:51.332
Don't you want a child, witch?

1035
01:03:58.248 --> 01:03:59.748
This isn't fair.

1036
01:04:04.124 --> 01:04:07.540
-No. It isn't.

1037
01:04:07.540 --> 01:04:15.580
♪♪

1038
01:04:15.580 --> 01:04:23.624
♪♪

1039
01:04:27.416 --> 01:04:30.164
You!
-Him.

1040
01:04:32.164 --> 01:04:34.832
-My liege. My lady.

1041
01:04:36.040 --> 01:04:43.080
I lifted the Sacred caber
of Tam Lin 10,000 times.

1042
01:04:43.080 --> 01:04:46.500
I slew the ogre king
and his ogres,

1043
01:04:46.500 --> 01:04:49.540
took his castle,
and redecorated it.

1044
01:04:49.540 --> 01:04:53.040
If I can do
these impossible things...

1045
01:04:53.040 --> 01:04:56.456
I can learn the Dance
of a Thousand Steps...

1046
01:04:57.872 --> 01:04:59.124
...in a week.

1047
01:05:00.124 --> 01:05:03.708
-Fairly spoken, lowly goatherd.

1048
01:05:03.708 --> 01:05:05.456
Dancing Master, have you found

1049
01:05:05.456 --> 01:05:08.832
this so-called Dance of a
Thousand Steps in your scrolls?

1050
01:05:08.832 --> 01:05:10.456
-Oh, here's a lovely one --

1051
01:05:10.456 --> 01:05:12.916
the Dance of Many
Abstract Movements.

1052
01:05:12.916 --> 01:05:15.248
-No, no, no!
We all heard her.

1053
01:05:15.248 --> 01:05:18.040
It must be no other
than the one she commanded --

1054
01:05:18.040 --> 01:05:20.124
the Dance of a Thousand Steps.

1055
01:05:20.124 --> 01:05:21.624
You don't know it?

1056
01:05:21.624 --> 01:05:23.916
-Sire, it is but a legend.

1057
01:05:23.916 --> 01:05:25.956
-What do I pay you for,
you clod?!

1058
01:05:25.956 --> 01:05:27.664
-Yes! Found it.

1059
01:05:28.664 --> 01:05:31.916
The Bouncing Banshee
of Loch Licht, in her 80th year,

1060
01:05:31.916 --> 01:05:33.624
hung up her famous clogs
for good

1061
01:05:33.624 --> 01:05:35.664
and set to recording --
-Never mind that.

1062
01:05:35.664 --> 01:05:37.832
Let us see it!

1063
01:05:37.832 --> 01:05:40.372
-"The Dance of a Thousand
Steps...

1064
01:05:40.372 --> 01:05:41.872
Scroll one..."

1065
01:05:44.580 --> 01:05:46.832
-"Of five."

1066
01:05:46.832 --> 01:05:51.872
-My lady, I shall do all I can
to learn this dance.

1067
01:05:51.872 --> 01:05:53.748
-It's only the future
of the kingdom at stake.

1068
01:05:53.748 --> 01:05:55.292
So...

1069
01:05:56.500 --> 01:05:58.000
...no pressure.

1070
01:05:58.000 --> 01:06:04.372
♪♪

1071
01:06:04.372 --> 01:06:05.832
-Any chance he pulls it off?

1072
01:06:05.832 --> 01:06:07.580
-Oh, God, I hope not.

1073
01:06:07.580 --> 01:06:16.000
♪♪

1074
01:06:16.000 --> 01:06:24.416
♪♪

1075
01:06:24.416 --> 01:06:26.124
-That's looking pretty good.

1076
01:06:26.124 --> 01:06:28.500
Right?
-Wrong.

1077
01:06:28.500 --> 01:06:30.708
Maybe take it from the top.

1078
01:06:30.708 --> 01:06:37.080
♪♪

1079
01:06:37.080 --> 01:06:41.124
-Lifted a big stump like a dolt
for months on end,

1080
01:06:41.124 --> 01:06:45.872
slew that ogre king,
and all for what?

1081
01:06:45.872 --> 01:06:49.916
He can't dance, never could.

1082
01:06:49.916 --> 01:06:52.624
Could have married a princess,

1083
01:06:52.624 --> 01:06:55.080
but oh, no, not him.

1084
01:06:55.080 --> 01:06:56.624
Worthless!

1085
01:06:56.624 --> 01:06:59.540
Just like his father,
so he is --

1086
01:06:59.540 --> 01:07:04.456
his worthless father
who wanted to be a wizard!

1087
01:07:04.456 --> 01:07:06.748
Oh, I wasn't good enough
for the likes of him, was I?

1088
01:07:07.956 --> 01:07:12.000
And there you were, a sweet
little babe at my teat.

1089
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:14.832
And into a rage he goes
and curses you,

1090
01:07:14.832 --> 01:07:17.000
his only son!

1091
01:07:18.292 --> 01:07:20.916
So, if you want to know
why you 're a lonely,

1092
01:07:20.916 --> 01:07:24.540
worthless, daydreaming eejit
who'll never take a wife,

1093
01:07:24.540 --> 01:07:30.164
just your nefarious evil wizard
of a father who cursed you!

1094
01:07:30.164 --> 01:07:38.416
♪♪

1095
01:07:38.416 --> 01:07:46.664
♪♪

1096
01:07:46.664 --> 01:07:48.872
-You're too hard on the boy.

1097
01:07:48.872 --> 01:07:51.748
It ain't his fault
he's the son of the wizard.

1098
01:07:51.748 --> 01:07:56.000
♪♪

1099
01:08:04.956 --> 01:08:11.040
♪♪

1100
01:08:11.040 --> 01:08:15.080
-The goatherd despaired
of his future...

1101
01:08:16.664 --> 01:08:20.332
...while the witch despaired
of her past.

1102
01:08:25.124 --> 01:08:28.164
-For though she had banished
the wizard,

1103
01:08:28.164 --> 01:08:33.456
his third curse
had caught her at last.

1104
01:08:33.456 --> 01:08:42.708
♪♪

1105
01:08:42.708 --> 01:08:51.916
♪♪

1106
01:08:51.916 --> 01:08:57.872
-I doom you, I doom you
by this hand to never love,

1107
01:08:57.872 --> 01:09:03.332
except it be to love
the betrothed of another!

1108
01:09:03.332 --> 01:09:06.540
♪♪

1109
01:10:05.248 --> 01:10:10.708
♪♪

1110
01:10:10.708 --> 01:10:16.124
♪♪

1111
01:10:16.124 --> 01:10:18.164
-It was you.

1112
01:10:18.164 --> 01:10:24.124
♪♪

1113
01:10:24.124 --> 01:10:26.500
I've seen you.

1114
01:10:26.500 --> 01:10:28.416
I've seen you dance.

1115
01:10:30.500 --> 01:10:35.332
You dance like wind
in fields of golden wheat.

1116
01:10:37.000 --> 01:10:39.164
You move like the light
of a full moon

1117
01:10:39.164 --> 01:10:41.372
on a surface of a swift stream.

1118
01:10:42.372 --> 01:10:45.916
You dance -- You dance
the way music dances in ears,

1119
01:10:45.916 --> 01:10:47.792
the way hearts dance...

1120
01:10:49.080 --> 01:10:50.832
...when they are in love.

1121
01:10:53.832 --> 01:10:56.208
The Dance of a Thousand Steps.

1122
01:10:58.208 --> 01:10:59.792
It's not a legend.

1123
01:11:00.832 --> 01:11:03.000
You created it.

1124
01:11:03.000 --> 01:11:04.416
Your dance.

1125
01:11:05.416 --> 01:11:06.748
Teach it to me!

1126
01:11:06.748 --> 01:11:08.292
Teach it to me
in these three days

1127
01:11:08.292 --> 01:11:11.080
and let me lift this curse
from our land!

1128
01:11:13.208 --> 01:11:15.580
I'm a good man!

1129
01:11:17.248 --> 01:11:19.164
A kind man!

1130
01:11:20.916 --> 01:11:23.248
A loyal man!

1131
01:11:25.332 --> 01:11:27.664
And I'm a strong man.

1132
01:11:29.664 --> 01:11:31.580
You taught me that!

1133
01:11:32.832 --> 01:11:35.164
Teach me your dance!

1134
01:11:38.332 --> 01:11:40.164
Please, witch.

1135
01:11:41.164 --> 01:11:42.372
-Teach you?

1136
01:11:43.372 --> 01:11:45.792
So you may be betrothed?

1137
01:11:47.456 --> 01:11:53.040
-Can you truly not understand
what it is to be cursed?

1138
01:11:54.748 --> 01:11:58.580
Yes...I can.

1139
01:12:01.664 --> 01:12:03.416
I'll teach you.

1140
01:12:07.792 --> 01:12:09.500
-Why are you laughing?

1141
01:12:12.208 --> 01:12:14.124
-I'm really not sure.

1142
01:12:17.000 --> 01:12:18.500
But remember,

1143
01:12:18.500 --> 01:12:21.708
each task is harder
than the last.

1144
01:12:21.708 --> 01:12:24.416
One...two...
-One...

1145
01:12:24.416 --> 01:12:26.624
-And my dance is
only for the true of heart.

1146
01:12:26.624 --> 01:12:30.792
Three...four.
-Three...four.

1147
01:12:30.792 --> 01:12:34.624
-Five, six, seven...

1148
01:12:34.624 --> 01:12:35.916
16.

1149
01:12:35.916 --> 01:12:37.832
-Why 16?
That's only eight.

1150
01:12:39.664 --> 01:12:41.456
Eight for me.

1151
01:12:42.540 --> 01:12:44.292
Eight for you.

1152
01:12:45.540 --> 01:12:46.832
16.

1153
01:12:48.124 --> 01:12:51.540
-The Dance of a Thousand Steps.

1154
01:12:51.540 --> 01:12:54.040
It's a dance for two people.

1155
01:12:55.164 --> 01:12:57.748
I don't need to learn
a thousand steps.

1156
01:12:58.748 --> 01:13:02.456
I only need to learn 500.

1157
01:13:02.456 --> 01:13:10.124
♪♪

1158
01:13:10.124 --> 01:13:17.792
♪♪

1159
01:13:17.792 --> 01:13:25.456
♪♪

1160
01:13:25.456 --> 01:13:33.124
♪♪

1161
01:13:33.124 --> 01:13:40.792
♪♪

1162
01:13:40.792 --> 01:13:48.456
♪♪

1163
01:13:48.456 --> 01:13:56.124
♪♪

1164
01:13:56.124 --> 01:14:03.792
♪♪

1165
01:14:09.956 --> 01:14:11.540
I can't.

1166
01:14:12.540 --> 01:14:14.080
I can't.
-You can.

1167
01:14:14.080 --> 01:14:16.248
It's just a few steps more.

1168
01:14:16.248 --> 01:14:18.664
-It's not the steps.

1169
01:14:18.664 --> 01:14:21.080
I can do the steps.

1170
01:14:21.080 --> 01:14:23.872
Here. Alone. With you.

1171
01:14:26.540 --> 01:14:28.332
It's in front of everyone.

1172
01:14:29.332 --> 01:14:31.416
I just go blank.

1173
01:14:32.500 --> 01:14:34.792
I'm hopeless.

1174
01:14:34.792 --> 01:14:36.372
-Close your eyes.

1175
01:14:40.000 --> 01:14:41.416
Close them.

1176
01:14:43.540 --> 01:14:45.208
Just finish the dance

1177
01:14:45.208 --> 01:14:47.208
with your heart,

1178
01:14:47.208 --> 01:14:49.372
not your feet.

1179
01:14:49.372 --> 01:14:50.708
Slow.

1180
01:14:53.040 --> 01:14:54.748
996.

1181
01:14:57.500 --> 01:14:59.416
97.

1182
01:15:01.208 --> 01:15:03.000
Eight.

1183
01:15:03.000 --> 01:15:04.456
Nine.

1184
01:15:08.000 --> 01:15:09.708
A thousand.

1185
01:15:15.164 --> 01:15:16.708
And one.

1186
01:15:16.708 --> 01:15:18.748
Now, just do it a hundred times.

1187
01:15:19.748 --> 01:15:21.248
-The dance?

1188
01:15:21.248 --> 01:15:23.124
Or...

1189
01:15:40.292 --> 01:15:41.872
It's my mother.

1190
01:15:42.956 --> 01:15:45.040
She wants to watch us practice.

1191
01:15:45.040 --> 01:15:51.792
♪♪

1192
01:15:51.792 --> 01:15:58.540
♪♪

1193
01:15:58.540 --> 01:16:05.292
♪♪

1194
01:16:10.124 --> 01:16:12.124
-That's all of it, then, is it?

1195
01:16:13.416 --> 01:16:15.040
-She seems nice.

1196
01:16:17.040 --> 01:16:20.664
-Now, what's for supper?

1197
01:16:43.248 --> 01:16:47.000
-You enjoy witching, then,
do you?

1198
01:16:47.000 --> 01:16:48.540
-I make my own hours.

1199
01:16:48.540 --> 01:16:52.208
-It's potions and unguents
and that, is it?

1200
01:16:52.208 --> 01:16:55.580
-I turn people I don't like
into mushrooms.

1201
01:16:55.580 --> 01:16:58.372
-Do you cook?
Do you sew?

1202
01:16:58.372 --> 01:17:02.332
-I dance naked by the light
of the full bright moon.

1203
01:17:03.416 --> 01:17:05.540
-I should have been a witch.

1204
01:17:06.624 --> 01:17:11.248
Two score years,
and my son is finally a man.

1205
01:17:11.248 --> 01:17:13.080
A fine, strong man.

1206
01:17:13.080 --> 01:17:16.164
Has this palace to live in now.

1207
01:17:16.164 --> 01:17:19.040
Dances, so he does!

1208
01:17:19.040 --> 01:17:22.792
He was always a good lad.
I'm so proud of him.

1209
01:17:22.792 --> 01:17:24.956
So proud, I am.

1210
01:17:26.124 --> 01:17:29.624
I never believed
in his father's stupid curse.

1211
01:17:29.624 --> 01:17:32.208
-His father?

1212
01:17:32.208 --> 01:17:34.372
-The Evil Wizard.

1213
01:17:34.372 --> 01:17:37.500
Abandoned us.
Cursed the boy.

1214
01:17:37.500 --> 01:17:40.792
I was just a young thing.
Love's fool.

1215
01:17:40.792 --> 01:17:43.292
But then, aren't we all?

1216
01:17:43.292 --> 01:17:51.332
♪♪

1217
01:17:51.332 --> 01:17:54.292
He'll dance
this strange dance of yours.

1218
01:17:54.292 --> 01:17:56.208
I know he will.

1219
01:17:56.208 --> 01:17:59.624
And then
he'll marry the princess,

1220
01:17:59.624 --> 01:18:02.956
and their firstborn,
my grandchild,

1221
01:18:02.956 --> 01:18:05.456
will one day sit on the throne,

1222
01:18:05.456 --> 01:18:09.500
and I can die a happy soul
knowing that, I can tell you.

1223
01:18:12.292 --> 01:18:15.748
You've never had a child,
have you, witch?

1224
01:18:15.748 --> 01:18:23.332
♪♪

1225
01:18:26.372 --> 01:18:29.456
-She's not always...like that.

1226
01:18:31.540 --> 01:18:34.708
-So, you <i>are</i> a wizard?

1227
01:18:37.000 --> 01:18:39.292
-The son of one.

1228
01:18:39.292 --> 01:18:41.332
It's not the same.
-You didn't tell me.

1229
01:18:41.332 --> 01:18:42.456
-You never asked.

1230
01:18:42.456 --> 01:18:44.540
He left when I was a babe.

1231
01:18:45.540 --> 01:18:47.916
I'm just a goatherd.
Truly.

1232
01:18:47.916 --> 01:18:49.540
-A goatherd who breaks curses.

1233
01:18:49.540 --> 01:18:52.580
-I haven't! Not yet.

1234
01:18:52.580 --> 01:18:54.580
Would you like to practice
some more together?

1235
01:18:54.580 --> 01:18:57.540
-You know the dance.
And you will succeed.

1236
01:18:57.540 --> 01:18:59.832
-How can you be so sure?

1237
01:18:59.832 --> 01:19:03.832
-Because...I'm cursed.

1238
01:19:03.832 --> 01:19:06.208
-I don't understand.
-But I do.

1239
01:19:07.208 --> 01:19:10.080
So clever.
So evil.

1240
01:19:10.080 --> 01:19:11.416
-Who?

1241
01:19:11.416 --> 01:19:13.956
-Your father, the wizard
who cursed me.

1242
01:19:14.956 --> 01:19:17.580
He cursed you,
he cursed the king,

1243
01:19:17.580 --> 01:19:19.208
and before
I banished him forever,

1244
01:19:19.208 --> 01:19:20.916
he cursed me, too.

1245
01:19:20.916 --> 01:19:25.792
Three curses, and one
unbreakable chain of misery!

1246
01:19:25.792 --> 01:19:27.624
-Can you not just give
yourself three tasks?

1247
01:19:27.624 --> 01:19:29.456
-It doesn't work that way.
-Well, it worked for me!

1248
01:19:29.456 --> 01:19:31.040
-You 're a wizard!

1249
01:19:31.040 --> 01:19:33.292
-I'm just a goatherd!
That's all I am!

1250
01:19:33.292 --> 01:19:35.124
-No!
-I am not a wizard!

1251
01:19:35.124 --> 01:19:39.832
-You must be because the tasks
I gave you were impossible!

1252
01:19:39.832 --> 01:19:41.416
That was the whole point!

1253
01:19:41.416 --> 01:19:43.372
-Why would you give me
impossible tasks?

1254
01:19:43.372 --> 01:19:45.416
-Why did you accomplish them?!

1255
01:19:45.416 --> 01:19:47.456
Why did you keep coming back?!

1256
01:19:47.456 --> 01:19:51.624
Why didn't you quit,
when there was no hope?!

1257
01:19:51.624 --> 01:19:58.456
♪♪

1258
01:19:58.456 --> 01:20:05.248
♪♪

1259
01:20:05.248 --> 01:20:07.124
-What was your curse?

1260
01:20:10.164 --> 01:20:15.372
-I may only love
the betrothed of another.

1261
01:20:15.372 --> 01:20:22.208
♪♪

1262
01:20:22.208 --> 01:20:24.792
Tomorrow, you will win
the princess' hand

1263
01:20:24.792 --> 01:20:27.080
and be betrothed to her.

1264
01:20:29.500 --> 01:20:32.916
And I -- oh, what a fool.

1265
01:20:34.664 --> 01:20:36.456
What a fool I've been!

1266
01:20:36.456 --> 01:20:39.332
-Wait, come back.
Please, witch, don't go!

1267
01:20:39.332 --> 01:20:42.664
-The witch finally understood
the cruel fate

1268
01:20:42.664 --> 01:20:45.208
the Evil Wizard had set
down for her.

1269
01:20:45.208 --> 01:20:47.164
-Keep your bargain!

1270
01:20:47.164 --> 01:20:51.080
-And so, she fled,
unsure what she must do.

1271
01:20:52.080 --> 01:20:54.540
Keep her bargain
with the goatherd,

1272
01:20:54.540 --> 01:20:56.624
only to lose him forever,

1273
01:20:56.624 --> 01:20:58.708
or break her promise,

1274
01:20:58.708 --> 01:21:02.000
knowing he would
never forgive her.

1275
01:21:04.872 --> 01:21:06.540
The day had come,

1276
01:21:06.540 --> 01:21:09.792
and the kingdom's hopes
hung by a thread.

1277
01:21:09.792 --> 01:21:13.000
All that night and into morning,
no one --

1278
01:21:13.000 --> 01:21:16.000
not the king,
nor the princess,

1279
01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:19.292
not the man's mother,
not the neighbor,

1280
01:21:19.292 --> 01:21:23.164
nor the man,
not his closest friends,

1281
01:21:23.164 --> 01:21:26.500
perhaps not even the witch
herself could guess what pain,

1282
01:21:26.500 --> 01:21:31.208
what joy, what fate this day
might contain.

1283
01:21:31.208 --> 01:21:37.832
♪♪

1284
01:22:10.748 --> 01:22:12.956
-Is our champion
ready to perform

1285
01:22:12.956 --> 01:22:15.416
the Dance of a Thousand Steps?

1286
01:22:16.708 --> 01:22:19.080
Well? What's the matter
with him?

1287
01:22:19.080 --> 01:22:21.416
-Don't tell me I put on
this getup for nothing.

1288
01:22:21.416 --> 01:22:23.832
-You look very beautiful.

1289
01:22:23.832 --> 01:22:25.208
Thank you.

1290
01:22:26.332 --> 01:22:27.500
So do you.

1291
01:22:27.500 --> 01:22:29.080
-Goatherd!

1292
01:22:29.080 --> 01:22:32.080
The sand in the glass draws low.

1293
01:22:32.080 --> 01:22:34.248
Will you dance
and give your king --

1294
01:22:34.248 --> 01:22:36.748
and all this kingdom -- hope?

1295
01:22:37.916 --> 01:22:47.416
♪♪

1296
01:22:49.416 --> 01:22:55.456
♪♪

1297
01:22:55.456 --> 01:22:57.664
She's dancing with him.

1298
01:22:57.664 --> 01:23:00.208
-Of course!
A partner dance.

1299
01:23:00.208 --> 01:23:07.792
♪♪

1300
01:23:07.792 --> 01:23:15.332
♪♪

1301
01:23:17.332 --> 01:23:24.708
♪♪

1302
01:23:26.708 --> 01:23:29.372
♪♪

1303
01:23:31.372 --> 01:23:39.872
♪♪

1304
01:23:41.872 --> 01:23:45.872
♪♪

1305
01:23:47.872 --> 01:23:54.956
♪♪

1306
01:23:56.956 --> 01:24:03.456
♪♪

1307
01:24:07.456 --> 01:24:16.916
♪♪

1308
01:24:16.916 --> 01:24:26.416
♪♪

1309
01:24:26.416 --> 01:24:35.872
♪♪

1310
01:24:37.872 --> 01:24:46.832
♪♪

1311
01:24:46.832 --> 01:24:55.792
♪♪

1312
01:24:57.792 --> 01:25:03.248
♪♪

1313
01:25:03.248 --> 01:25:08.664
♪♪

1314
01:25:10.664 --> 01:25:16.372
♪♪

1315
01:25:16.372 --> 01:25:22.080
♪♪

1316
01:25:28.916 --> 01:25:31.040
-He's done it!

1317
01:25:31.040 --> 01:25:33.540
-Bravo! Bravo!

1318
01:25:36.080 --> 01:25:38.916
-Mine! He's mine!

1319
01:25:45.372 --> 01:25:48.540
-Wait! Goatherd!

1320
01:25:48.540 --> 01:25:50.500
How many goats do you have?!

1321
01:25:51.500 --> 01:25:55.708
-Kneel, most determined sir.

1322
01:25:55.708 --> 01:26:00.372
And before take the hand
of your princess,

1323
01:26:00.372 --> 01:26:05.080
I bestow unto you
this name and title --

1324
01:26:05.080 --> 01:26:08.624
Lord Ogrebane
the Very Fortunate.

1325
01:26:10.416 --> 01:26:16.416
And let this very day
there be a royal wedding,

1326
01:26:16.416 --> 01:26:20.372
the likes of which
none have ever seen!

1327
01:26:28.208 --> 01:26:30.540
-Put that on.
It's one of my finest.

1328
01:26:54.916 --> 01:27:02.248
-And in such holy union as
no man nor woman may dissolve,

1329
01:27:02.248 --> 01:27:05.248
we are gathered to witness...

1330
01:27:11.540 --> 01:27:16.540
For when two loving souls are
so enthralled to one another,

1331
01:27:16.540 --> 01:27:19.080
who can stand between them?

1332
01:27:20.080 --> 01:27:27.416
♪♪

1333
01:27:27.416 --> 01:27:34.792
♪♪

1334
01:27:34.792 --> 01:27:42.124
♪♪

1335
01:27:42.124 --> 01:27:44.000
<i>-Not half bad.</i>

1336
01:27:44.000 --> 01:27:45.832
<i>-I'm trying!</i>

1337
01:27:45.832 --> 01:27:53.208
♪♪

1338
01:27:53.208 --> 01:28:00.580
♪♪

1339
01:28:00.580 --> 01:28:03.000
<i>-Maybe ask him
if he comes back.</i>

1340
01:28:04.292 --> 01:28:06.208
<i>-What was your curse?</i>

1341
01:28:06.208 --> 01:28:10.416
<i>-I may only love
the betrothed of another.</i>

1342
01:28:10.416 --> 01:28:15.500
♪♪

1343
01:28:15.500 --> 01:28:20.580
♪♪

1344
01:28:20.580 --> 01:28:23.456
The exact words!

1345
01:28:23.456 --> 01:28:26.748
-Should anyone present
know of any reason

1346
01:28:26.748 --> 01:28:31.748
that this man and woman should
not be joined in matrimony,

1347
01:28:31.748 --> 01:28:35.540
speak now
or forever hold your peace.

1348
01:28:35.540 --> 01:28:41.748
♪♪

1349
01:28:41.748 --> 01:28:46.040
And will you freely take
this princess

1350
01:28:46.040 --> 01:28:48.748
to be your wedded wife?

1351
01:28:48.748 --> 01:28:53.624
♪♪

1352
01:28:53.624 --> 01:28:56.164
-Oh, absolutely not.

1353
01:29:00.624 --> 01:29:02.040
Oh, it's not you, Princess.

1354
01:29:02.040 --> 01:29:04.000
You're far too fair and fine

1355
01:29:04.000 --> 01:29:06.872
for a scruffy old goatherd
like me.

1356
01:29:06.872 --> 01:29:11.080
And besides, sire, I promised
my firstborn child to the witch.

1357
01:29:11.080 --> 01:29:13.956
Can't imagine that would sit
very well with your daughter,

1358
01:29:13.956 --> 01:29:15.164
would it?

1359
01:29:17.872 --> 01:29:21.124
But really, I'm old enough
to be her father.

1360
01:29:24.208 --> 01:29:25.956
-Are you serious?

1361
01:29:27.416 --> 01:29:30.040
Are you actually serious
with this?

1362
01:29:30.040 --> 01:29:34.664
10 years waiting patiently,
biting my tongue,

1363
01:29:34.664 --> 01:29:36.416
while an uncountable hoard

1364
01:29:36.416 --> 01:29:39.292
of universally objectionable
dead fiancés

1365
01:29:39.292 --> 01:29:41.748
piles up at my feet,

1366
01:29:41.748 --> 01:29:43.540
and after that --

1367
01:29:43.540 --> 01:29:46.916
after years of meekly
enduring all that,

1368
01:29:46.916 --> 01:29:48.416
what happens?

1369
01:29:49.416 --> 01:29:54.000
I am farmed out
like some piece of livestock

1370
01:29:54.000 --> 01:29:58.248
to this ancient, bumbling,
addle-witted,

1371
01:29:58.248 --> 01:30:01.456
appallingly pungent goatherd --

1372
01:30:02.540 --> 01:30:04.372
...no offense --

1373
01:30:04.372 --> 01:30:06.832
with the sole object
of producing an heir

1374
01:30:06.832 --> 01:30:10.040
to perpetuate
the insupportable charade

1375
01:30:10.040 --> 01:30:13.540
of a morally retrograde
patrilineal monarchy.

1376
01:30:13.540 --> 01:30:15.456
And what's it all in aid of?

1377
01:30:15.456 --> 01:30:18.416
What's the grand finale
to the clichéd trope

1378
01:30:18.416 --> 01:30:23.080
of marrying off your princess
to some random bumpkin

1379
01:30:23.080 --> 01:30:28.124
who wins a spectacularly weird
dance contest?

1380
01:30:28.124 --> 01:30:31.000
Yes, that's right.

1381
01:30:31.000 --> 01:30:34.664
The big "wow" finish
to her personal narrative

1382
01:30:34.664 --> 01:30:38.292
is to suffer
the rank humiliation,

1383
01:30:38.292 --> 01:30:40.792
the utter ignominy,

1384
01:30:40.792 --> 01:30:43.580
of being summarily abandoned
at the altar

1385
01:30:43.580 --> 01:30:46.292
by said senior citizen,

1386
01:30:46.292 --> 01:30:49.540
who was going to give
my firstborn child

1387
01:30:49.540 --> 01:30:55.540
to a cantankerous con artist
he met in the woods!

1388
01:31:04.040 --> 01:31:05.956
Wait, witch!

1389
01:31:10.872 --> 01:31:12.164
-You're married.

1390
01:31:13.164 --> 01:31:14.708
-Betrothed.

1391
01:31:16.372 --> 01:31:19.500
-But not...married?

1392
01:31:23.124 --> 01:31:25.000
I love you.

1393
01:31:25.000 --> 01:31:26.540
-You do?

1394
01:31:28.208 --> 01:31:29.872
How do you know?

1395
01:31:29.872 --> 01:31:33.124
-Because I'm more myself
when you 're there

1396
01:31:33.124 --> 01:31:36.040
than I could ever be
when you aren't.

1397
01:31:37.748 --> 01:31:41.872
But, you know,
I've been told

1398
01:31:41.872 --> 01:31:44.456
I can never take a wife.

1399
01:31:44.456 --> 01:31:48.000
-Then will you let
a witch take you?

1400
01:31:48.000 --> 01:31:50.000
-Yes, witch.

1401
01:31:50.000 --> 01:31:51.748
That I surely will.

1402
01:31:51.748 --> 01:31:56.292
♪♪

1403
01:31:56.292 --> 01:31:58.664
-Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

1404
01:31:58.664 --> 01:32:01.580
You're the one who said I had to
marry Lord Ogrebottom --

1405
01:32:01.580 --> 01:32:03.500
Ogrebrain -- Ogrebane.

1406
01:32:03.500 --> 01:32:05.624
Who am I supposed to marry now?

1407
01:32:09.248 --> 01:32:13.292
-Princess, if you're truly
so keen on getting married,

1408
01:32:13.292 --> 01:32:17.832
then I think you should marry
anyone you like.

1409
01:32:17.832 --> 01:32:26.540
♪♪

1410
01:32:26.540 --> 01:32:35.248
♪♪

1411
01:32:35.248 --> 01:32:36.664
-Oh.

1412
01:32:36.664 --> 01:32:39.792
♪♪

1413
01:32:53.540 --> 01:32:55.208
♪♪

1414
01:32:55.208 --> 01:32:57.832
-♪ Mm, yeah ♪

1415
01:32:57.832 --> 01:33:02.080
♪ Now I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1416
01:33:02.080 --> 01:33:06.332
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1417
01:33:06.500 --> 01:33:10.832
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1418
01:33:10.832 --> 01:33:12.792
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪

1419
01:33:12.792 --> 01:33:15.208
♪ Hey, alright now ♪

1420
01:33:15.208 --> 01:33:17.164
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪

1421
01:33:17.164 --> 01:33:19.416
♪ Hey, yeah ♪

1422
01:33:19.416 --> 01:33:20.708
-Mazel Tov!

1423
01:33:22.040 --> 01:33:25.956
-And that's the legend of how my
best friend, a lowly goatherd,

1424
01:33:25.956 --> 01:33:29.164
became Lord Ogrebane
the Very Fortunate

1425
01:33:29.164 --> 01:33:30.580
and how he came to marry

1426
01:33:30.580 --> 01:33:33.416
the Green-Eyed Lady
of Banebower Wood

1427
01:33:33.416 --> 01:33:35.916
and how the Cursed Kingdom
came to be called

1428
01:33:35.916 --> 01:33:38.080
the Contented Kingdom once more.

1429
01:33:38.080 --> 01:33:39.624
Because in the end,

1430
01:33:39.624 --> 01:33:42.832
even an Evil Wizard's
curses are no match

1431
01:33:42.832 --> 01:33:45.872
for the mischievous child
they call Love.

1432
01:33:45.872 --> 01:33:48.080
-He had her at "hag."

1433
01:33:48.080 --> 01:33:51.292
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but the Evil Wizard --

1434
01:33:51.292 --> 01:33:53.580
what about that mean,
old whackadoodledoo?

1435
01:33:53.580 --> 01:33:54.664
-Oh, him.

1436
01:33:56.664 --> 01:34:03.040
♪♪

1437
01:34:03.040 --> 01:34:09.372
♪♪

1438
01:34:09.372 --> 01:34:12.332
Well, that's a whole
'nother story.

1439
01:34:14.332 --> 01:34:16.416
♪♪

1440
01:34:16.416 --> 01:34:17.792
-♪ Ow! ♪

1441
01:34:17.792 --> 01:34:21.416
♪♪

1442
01:34:21.416 --> 01:34:24.080
♪ Mm, yeah ♪

1443
01:34:24.080 --> 01:34:28.456
♪ Now I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1444
01:34:28.456 --> 01:34:32.624
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1445
01:34:32.792 --> 01:34:37.208
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1446
01:34:37.208 --> 01:34:39.124
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪

1447
01:34:39.124 --> 01:34:41.580
♪ Hey, alright now ♪

1448
01:34:41.580 --> 01:34:43.500
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪

1449
01:34:43.500 --> 01:34:45.416
♪ Hey, yeah ♪

1450
01:34:45.416 --> 01:34:47.080
♪♪

1451
01:34:47.080 --> 01:34:50.248
♪ I used to think
maybe you loved me ♪

1452
01:34:50.248 --> 01:34:53.664
♪ Now I know that it's true ♪

1453
01:34:53.664 --> 01:34:55.708
♪♪

1454
01:34:55.708 --> 01:34:58.500
♪ And I don't want to spend
my whole life ♪

1455
01:34:58.500 --> 01:35:01.956
♪ Just a-waitin' for you ♪

1456
01:35:01.956 --> 01:35:04.372
♪♪

1457
01:35:04.372 --> 01:35:07.708
♪ Now I don't want you back
for the weekend ♪

1458
01:35:07.708 --> 01:35:10.664
♪ Not back for a day ♪

1459
01:35:10.664 --> 01:35:12.292
♪ Ah, no, no, no ♪

1460
01:35:12.292 --> 01:35:16.416
♪ Now I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1461
01:35:16.416 --> 01:35:20.624
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1462
01:35:20.792 --> 01:35:25.124
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪

1463
01:35:25.124 --> 01:35:26.956
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪

1464
01:35:26.956 --> 01:35:29.748
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
oh, yeah ♪

1465
01:35:29.748 --> 01:35:33.332
♪ Oh, don't it now? ♪

1466
01:35:33.332 --> 01:35:37.540
♪♪

1467
01:35:38.832 --> 01:35:48.664
♪♪

1468
01:35:48.664 --> 01:35:58.500
♪♪

1469
01:35:58.500 --> 01:36:08.292
♪♪

1470
01:36:08.292 --> 01:36:18.124
♪♪

1471
01:36:18.124 --> 01:36:27.956
♪♪

1472
01:36:27.956 --> 01:36:37.792
♪♪

1473
01:36:37.792 --> 01:36:47.580
♪♪

1474
01:36:47.580 --> 01:36:57.416
♪♪

1475
01:36:57.416 --> 01:37:07.248
♪♪

1476
01:37:07.248 --> 01:37:17.080
♪♪

1477
01:37:17.080 --> 01:37:26.872
♪♪

1478
01:37:26.872 --> 01:37:36.708
♪♪

1479
01:37:36.708 --> 01:37:44.080
♪♪

1480
01:37:44.080 --> 01:37:51.456
♪♪

1481
01:37:51.456 --> 01:37:58.792
♪♪

1482
01:37:58.792 --> 01:38:06.164
♪♪

1483
01:38:06.164 --> 01:38:13.540
♪♪

1484
01:38:13.540 --> 01:38:20.916
♪♪

1485
01:38:20.916 --> 01:38:28.292
♪♪

1486
01:38:28.292 --> 01:38:35.664
♪♪

1487
01:38:35.664 --> 01:38:45.456
♪♪

1488
01:38:45.456 --> 01:38:55.292
♪♪

1489
01:38:55.292 --> 01:39:05.124
♪♪

1490
01:39:05.124 --> 01:39:14.956
♪♪

1491
01:39:14.956 --> 01:39:24.748
♪♪

1492
01:39:24.748 --> 01:39:34.580
♪♪