WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:31.083 --> 00:00:33.708 [upbeat music] 4 00:00:33.708 --> 00:00:36.291 What are you? A dog or a cow? 5 00:00:36.291 --> 00:00:38.625 I'm a dog, but not just a dog. 6 00:00:38.625 --> 00:00:41.041 I'm a dog with a boner. Check it out! 7 00:00:41.041 --> 00:00:42.250 [pen clicking] 8 00:00:42.250 --> 00:00:44.083 [boys laughing] 9 00:00:44.083 --> 00:00:47.541 Well, there it is. Is the poop ready? 10 00:00:47.541 --> 00:00:49.458 That's a roger on the poop. 11 00:00:49.958 --> 00:00:51.958 Oh, holy crap, how big was that dog? 12 00:00:51.958 --> 00:00:53.833 Small, but there was seven of them. 13 00:00:53.833 --> 00:00:55.666 [dog barking in distance] 14 00:00:55.666 --> 00:00:58.333 I'll give you three reasons why this is a bad idea. 15 00:00:58.333 --> 00:01:00.458 One, cops. Two, dogs. 16 00:01:00.458 --> 00:01:02.958 Three, NRA front door. 17 00:01:02.958 --> 00:01:05.208 [JT] Quit worrying, Dean. These people deserve it. 18 00:01:05.208 --> 00:01:07.208 They never give out candy. 19 00:01:07.208 --> 00:01:09.541 Yeah, but remember last time we pulled something like this? 20 00:01:09.541 --> 00:01:11.125 Dean got his arm broke. 21 00:01:11.125 --> 00:01:13.541 That's because he ran off alone and fell in a ditch. 22 00:01:13.541 --> 00:01:15.291 If he just sticks with us, he'll be fine. 23 00:01:15.291 --> 00:01:18.041 Come on! Let's do this. 24 00:01:18.666 --> 00:01:20.208 [whispering] Okay... 25 00:01:20.958 --> 00:01:24.000 [upbeat music] 26 00:01:28.083 --> 00:01:30.041 [lighter clicking] 27 00:01:33.125 --> 00:01:35.208 - [doorbell chimes] - Go! 28 00:01:44.750 --> 00:01:46.583 [boys chuckling] 29 00:01:48.666 --> 00:01:50.583 [Dean] Ahh, uh-oh... 30 00:01:50.583 --> 00:01:52.625 It's getting kinda big-ish. 31 00:01:52.625 --> 00:01:54.583 [fire sizzling] 32 00:01:54.583 --> 00:01:56.666 - Come on! - Quick! 33 00:01:56.666 --> 00:01:58.125 [crashing] 34 00:01:58.125 --> 00:02:01.583 [boys grunting] 35 00:02:05.083 --> 00:02:06.083 No! 36 00:02:06.083 --> 00:02:08.166 [splattering] 37 00:02:08.166 --> 00:02:09.500 [coughing and groaning] 38 00:02:09.500 --> 00:02:11.583 [JT] Doo-doo in mouth! Doo-doo in mouth! 39 00:02:11.583 --> 00:02:12.666 Let's get out of here! 40 00:02:12.666 --> 00:02:14.541 We can't - there's people in there! 41 00:02:16.583 --> 00:02:17.750 [banging] 42 00:02:18.250 --> 00:02:19.875 [Dean] Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 43 00:02:19.875 --> 00:02:21.416 The scarecrow set your house on fire. 44 00:02:23.333 --> 00:02:25.666 No one's home. We gotta call 911! 45 00:02:25.666 --> 00:02:28.666 Dude! You're seriously overreacting. 46 00:02:29.250 --> 00:02:31.250 [kids screaming] 47 00:02:31.250 --> 00:02:32.666 Call 911! 48 00:02:32.666 --> 00:02:35.625 Hey, look! They do give out candy. 49 00:02:35.625 --> 00:02:36.625 [fire alarm beeping] 50 00:02:36.625 --> 00:02:37.875 We're so dead! 51 00:02:37.875 --> 00:02:40.208 Oh, my God! My father's going to kill me. 52 00:02:40.208 --> 00:02:42.625 Come on, let's go. Let's get out of here. 53 00:02:42.625 --> 00:02:45.333 Wait! Wait a second, I got an idea. 54 00:02:48.791 --> 00:02:50.875 - Who's got a pen? - Use Wes's dick! 55 00:02:50.875 --> 00:02:52.916 Quick! Give me a first name. 56 00:02:52.916 --> 00:02:54.041 Zeus! 57 00:02:54.041 --> 00:02:55.083 A kid's name! 58 00:02:55.083 --> 00:02:56.958 - Ricky! - Okay. 59 00:02:58.000 --> 00:02:59.208 [Dean] Now a last name. 60 00:02:59.208 --> 00:03:00.333 I got it! Stanton. 61 00:03:02.541 --> 00:03:04.291 Wait, no! What? That's my last name. 62 00:03:04.291 --> 00:03:06.750 So? Your first name's not Ricky. 63 00:03:06.750 --> 00:03:08.125 [exasperated groan] 64 00:03:09.625 --> 00:03:11.166 - Come on. - Come on. 65 00:03:11.875 --> 00:03:13.541 Go! 66 00:03:14.416 --> 00:03:15.708 [siren approaching] 67 00:03:16.375 --> 00:03:19.541 - [water spraying] - [fire crew chattering] 68 00:03:21.583 --> 00:03:22.916 Check this out. 69 00:03:22.916 --> 00:03:25.833 Numb-nuts kid caught his jacket on fire during his prank. 70 00:03:25.833 --> 00:03:26.916 Here's the best part. 71 00:03:26.916 --> 00:03:28.708 His mommy wrote his name on the collar. 72 00:03:29.208 --> 00:03:31.708 [fireman] 'Ricky Stanicky'? 73 00:03:31.708 --> 00:03:32.916 [laughing] Dumb shit. 74 00:03:32.916 --> 00:03:34.458 Bad news, Chief. Just heard back. 75 00:03:34.458 --> 00:03:36.333 No Stanickys in the school district. 76 00:03:36.333 --> 00:03:37.916 Kid must be from out of town. 77 00:03:37.916 --> 00:03:39.041 Shit. 78 00:03:40.666 --> 00:03:43.375 I can't believe that actually worked. 79 00:03:43.375 --> 00:03:47.875 Guys, I think we just made a friend for life. 80 00:03:47.875 --> 00:03:50.791 [all chuckle] 81 00:03:54.375 --> 00:03:56.916 ["Oil" by Gorillaz plays] 82 00:03:56.916 --> 00:03:58.291 [mutters angrily] 83 00:03:58.291 --> 00:03:59.750 [steam blasting] 84 00:04:01.208 --> 00:04:02.541 [arrows pinging] 85 00:04:02.541 --> 00:04:04.583 [bees buzzing] 86 00:04:05.833 --> 00:04:08.000 [children screaming] 87 00:04:13.541 --> 00:04:15.750 [mower accelerating] 88 00:04:21.833 --> 00:04:25.291 ♪ Then I put my codes ♪ 89 00:04:25.291 --> 00:04:27.541 ♪ In the machine ♪ 90 00:04:29.375 --> 00:04:31.625 ♪ But the world I found ♪ 91 00:04:31.625 --> 00:04:34.750 ♪ Was made of faulty dreams ♪ 92 00:04:34.750 --> 00:04:37.000 ♪ Of faulty dreams ♪ 93 00:04:37.000 --> 00:04:40.750 ♪ Fairy-like companions ♪ 94 00:04:40.750 --> 00:04:44.500 ♪ To the dark maths That catapult ♪ 95 00:04:44.500 --> 00:04:48.208 ♪ Us into imagined worlds ♪ 96 00:04:48.208 --> 00:04:51.750 ♪ Seems a mockery remote ♪ 97 00:05:00.916 --> 00:05:02.750 [man on TV] Want to grab a quick drink? 98 00:05:03.916 --> 00:05:05.875 Why would you have a quick drink... 99 00:05:05.875 --> 00:05:06.916 [phone chimes] 100 00:05:07.416 --> 00:05:09.500 [man on TV] ...when you can have the long drink? 101 00:05:09.500 --> 00:05:11.583 In Finland, the happiest country on Earth, 102 00:05:11.583 --> 00:05:13.541 we invented the long drink... 103 00:05:13.541 --> 00:05:15.375 That's it for the beer in the garage. 104 00:05:15.375 --> 00:05:17.166 Do we need to run out and get more? 105 00:05:17.166 --> 00:05:18.750 No. That's perfect. 106 00:05:18.750 --> 00:05:20.125 You sure? 107 00:05:20.916 --> 00:05:23.208 - Yeah. The place looks amazing. - Yeah? 108 00:05:23.208 --> 00:05:24.875 Maybe this would be a good side hustle for us. 109 00:05:24.875 --> 00:05:25.916 [laughs] 110 00:05:25.916 --> 00:05:27.750 Erin and Dean's baby showers. 111 00:05:27.750 --> 00:05:29.500 - I like it. - Yeah. 112 00:05:29.500 --> 00:05:31.208 And that's when Gilbert Gines realized 113 00:05:31.208 --> 00:05:33.458 that the answer to gang violence 114 00:05:33.458 --> 00:05:36.958 may be found in the spit-valve of a well-worn trumpet. 115 00:05:36.958 --> 00:05:38.083 What is this? 116 00:05:38.083 --> 00:05:39.875 Uh, it's a show called 'Hero of the Week'. 117 00:05:39.875 --> 00:05:42.666 It's about everyday people who do these incredible things. 118 00:05:42.666 --> 00:05:44.875 My producer at Channel 6 wants me to submit for it. 119 00:05:44.875 --> 00:05:46.583 He says he has a good contact there. 120 00:05:46.583 --> 00:05:47.833 Well, what are you waiting for? 121 00:05:47.833 --> 00:05:50.208 Well, if I want MFMBC to notice me, 122 00:05:50.208 --> 00:05:52.125 what I need are better assignments, 123 00:05:52.125 --> 00:05:55.375 but all I get are these babies-who-Tweet stories. 124 00:05:55.958 --> 00:05:56.958 Mm! 125 00:05:56.958 --> 00:05:58.250 Speaking of babies, 126 00:05:58.250 --> 00:06:01.041 can you please hang these pictures up for me, over there. 127 00:06:01.041 --> 00:06:02.875 It's JT and Susan's baby pictures. 128 00:06:03.791 --> 00:06:07.125 Jesus, God! Was JT born with adult teeth? 129 00:06:07.125 --> 00:06:09.916 Oh, come on, his teeth are cute. Look at that. 130 00:06:09.916 --> 00:06:12.541 Cute? He looks like hillbilly Hitler. 131 00:06:12.541 --> 00:06:13.625 [Erin chuckles] 132 00:06:13.625 --> 00:06:15.916 - You think all babies are cute. - All babies are cute. 133 00:06:15.916 --> 00:06:17.666 Yeah, sure. 134 00:06:17.666 --> 00:06:19.958 And the remotes are sticky for like 20 years. 135 00:06:19.958 --> 00:06:21.208 Well, there are good things 136 00:06:21.208 --> 00:06:22.541 about having kids too, you know. 137 00:06:22.541 --> 00:06:24.333 - Really? - Yeah. 138 00:06:24.333 --> 00:06:26.625 I don't remember my parents feeling that way. 139 00:06:27.375 --> 00:06:29.666 You don't think your parents enjoyed having kids? 140 00:06:30.375 --> 00:06:32.791 It doesn't matter. What we have is way better. 141 00:06:32.791 --> 00:06:34.291 It's what we always talked about. 142 00:06:34.291 --> 00:06:35.291 Hmm. 143 00:06:35.875 --> 00:06:37.166 I love you. 144 00:06:38.041 --> 00:06:39.125 You love me. 145 00:06:39.625 --> 00:06:42.041 - We love Paul. - Hmm. 146 00:06:43.375 --> 00:06:45.291 - And we don't need anyone else. - [door opens] 147 00:06:45.291 --> 00:06:47.458 Oh, my God! JT, leave me alone! 148 00:06:47.458 --> 00:06:50.666 It is my baby shower, I'm going to have one drink. One! 149 00:06:50.666 --> 00:06:52.583 Dr. Kurihara said it is perfectly fine. Hello. 150 00:06:52.583 --> 00:06:55.166 Dr. Kurihara is part of the medical industrial complex, 151 00:06:55.166 --> 00:06:57.375 and Midwife Maggie said you're on a strict vegan diet 152 00:06:57.375 --> 00:06:59.041 and absolutely no alcohol. 153 00:06:59.041 --> 00:07:01.916 Okay, well you are not Midwife Maggie, you are my husband. 154 00:07:01.916 --> 00:07:04.208 Yeah, I know, but I'm also Daddy Doula. 155 00:07:04.208 --> 00:07:05.875 - That's my job. - You gotta stop saying that. 156 00:07:05.875 --> 00:07:07.375 You're going to make the baby throw up. 157 00:07:07.375 --> 00:07:09.291 They can't... Can they throw up inside of there? 158 00:07:09.291 --> 00:07:10.750 Wait, JT's your doula? 159 00:07:10.750 --> 00:07:13.166 Yeah, he also wants to be naked when the baby is born. 160 00:07:13.166 --> 00:07:14.875 - Don't you? - I don't want to be naked. 161 00:07:14.875 --> 00:07:16.416 I just want my shirt off, okay, 162 00:07:16.416 --> 00:07:18.208 for the first embrace, skin to skin. 163 00:07:18.208 --> 00:07:20.083 - It's a bonding thing. - [cell phone ringing] 164 00:07:20.083 --> 00:07:21.541 - Good. - Hey, you better get that. 165 00:07:21.541 --> 00:07:23.458 That's the fourth time Ricky called in, like, 20 minutes. 166 00:07:23.458 --> 00:07:24.541 Yeah, see what he wants, man. 167 00:07:24.541 --> 00:07:25.750 He's been blowing me up all day. 168 00:07:25.750 --> 00:07:27.583 - Really? - [JT] Yeah. 169 00:07:27.583 --> 00:07:29.000 All right. 170 00:07:29.875 --> 00:07:32.333 Stanicky! What up, man? How's it going? 171 00:07:32.333 --> 00:07:34.458 [Erin] I'm going to get you a tea, not wine, don't drink. 172 00:07:34.458 --> 00:07:37.541 Yeah, hey I'm in the middle of something right now. I just... 173 00:07:40.458 --> 00:07:41.791 Are you serious? 174 00:07:43.875 --> 00:07:46.333 Uh-huh. Okay. 175 00:07:48.916 --> 00:07:51.291 Well, just do me a favor and have someone call me 176 00:07:51.291 --> 00:07:53.083 when you get out of surgery, all right? 177 00:07:56.041 --> 00:07:57.541 So you're all alone? 178 00:07:58.666 --> 00:08:00.375 Shit, man, that sucks. 179 00:08:00.875 --> 00:08:01.958 All right, hang in there. 180 00:08:01.958 --> 00:08:03.541 We'll all be sending you positive vibes 181 00:08:03.541 --> 00:08:05.083 from over here, buddy. 182 00:08:07.125 --> 00:08:08.375 Love you too, man. 183 00:08:09.166 --> 00:08:11.208 What's going on? What did he say? 184 00:08:12.208 --> 00:08:13.666 It's back. 185 00:08:14.166 --> 00:08:15.166 What's back? 186 00:08:15.666 --> 00:08:18.125 - The cancer. - Oh, God. 187 00:08:18.125 --> 00:08:19.916 I thought he was out of the woods. 188 00:08:19.916 --> 00:08:20.958 [Susan] Poor guy. 189 00:08:21.916 --> 00:08:24.000 Are they going to have to remove the... 190 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:25.625 ...other testicle? 191 00:08:25.625 --> 00:08:27.208 And can they even do that? 192 00:08:27.208 --> 00:08:28.958 I thought you needed at least one to live. 193 00:08:28.958 --> 00:08:31.000 What? No! That's kidneys, dumbo. 194 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:32.708 Where is he? 195 00:08:32.708 --> 00:08:34.458 He's in a hospital in Albany. 196 00:08:34.458 --> 00:08:36.458 Albany? Why is he in Albany? 197 00:08:36.458 --> 00:08:38.708 He flew in from Nairobi to meet with some non-profits 198 00:08:38.708 --> 00:08:40.875 and he had an attack. 199 00:08:40.875 --> 00:08:42.500 They're gonna open him up tonight. 200 00:08:42.500 --> 00:08:44.083 Dean, you should drive out there. 201 00:08:44.083 --> 00:08:45.250 The poor guy's all alone. 202 00:08:45.250 --> 00:08:47.333 I can't go tonight. What about the baby shower? 203 00:08:47.333 --> 00:08:48.916 And Summerhayes is going to be here. 204 00:08:48.916 --> 00:08:50.458 What? You're worried about your boss? 205 00:08:50.458 --> 00:08:51.750 Come on, he's just business. 206 00:08:51.750 --> 00:08:53.875 Ricky's been there for you guys your whole lives. 207 00:08:53.875 --> 00:08:56.166 Dude, just go. I've got Summerhayes covered. 208 00:08:56.166 --> 00:08:58.083 What? No, no, no, no. 209 00:08:58.083 --> 00:08:59.166 You should call him 210 00:08:59.166 --> 00:09:00.833 and tell him you have a family emergency. 211 00:09:00.833 --> 00:09:02.083 You should go with Dean. 212 00:09:02.083 --> 00:09:04.500 Are you serious? Babe, we can't both bail on the boss. 213 00:09:04.500 --> 00:09:05.958 Yes! Yes, you can. 214 00:09:05.958 --> 00:09:07.458 I mean, he'll probably be relieved 215 00:09:07.458 --> 00:09:09.375 that he doesn't have to go to a baby shower. 216 00:09:11.541 --> 00:09:14.833 Well, looks like we're going to Albany. 217 00:09:14.833 --> 00:09:15.875 You were right, man - 218 00:09:15.875 --> 00:09:17.916 the Summerhayes thing totally put it over the top. 219 00:09:17.916 --> 00:09:19.583 The Devil's in the details, my friend. 220 00:09:19.583 --> 00:09:21.041 What the hell took y'all so long? 221 00:09:21.041 --> 00:09:22.750 - The flight leaves in an hour. - Oh, sorry. 222 00:09:22.750 --> 00:09:23.958 We were doing all the work 223 00:09:23.958 --> 00:09:26.000 executing our brilliant last-minute plan. 224 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:27.208 Who made the Stanicky calls? 225 00:09:27.208 --> 00:09:29.166 Who cares who did what, Wes? The point is it worked. 226 00:09:29.166 --> 00:09:30.500 We got out of a baby shower, 227 00:09:30.500 --> 00:09:32.166 and we got tickets to Marc-fucking-Rebillet! 228 00:09:32.166 --> 00:09:33.166 - [grunts excitedly] - Whoo! 229 00:09:33.166 --> 00:09:35.250 - How'd you score those babies? - Yeah, this guy we work with 230 00:09:35.250 --> 00:09:36.666 broke one of his ankles last night. 231 00:09:36.666 --> 00:09:39.208 He fell out of a tree trying to get his kid's balloon. 232 00:09:39.208 --> 00:09:40.791 - Poor guy. - So we got his tickets. 233 00:09:40.791 --> 00:09:42.333 Goddamn, y'all so lucky, man! 234 00:09:42.333 --> 00:09:44.083 This kind of shit happens to you all the time. 235 00:09:44.083 --> 00:09:46.250 Hey! Good things happen to good people. 236 00:09:46.250 --> 00:09:48.416 That's right. Atlantic City, here we come. 237 00:09:48.416 --> 00:09:49.625 Let's tear New Jersey a new armpit! 238 00:09:49.625 --> 00:09:50.625 Whoa! 239 00:09:51.916 --> 00:09:53.916 [JT] It's not the same but it feels just as good. 240 00:09:53.916 --> 00:09:56.375 I mean, you just have to have sex on the side like a walrus. 241 00:09:57.000 --> 00:09:58.541 [Wes] Won't that dent the baby's head? 242 00:09:58.541 --> 00:10:01.375 I had a friend named Liam, and his head got all dick-dented. 243 00:10:01.916 --> 00:10:05.000 I think maybe his mother had a short vagina. 244 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:06.916 [sighing] Just looking out for baby Whitaker. 245 00:10:06.916 --> 00:10:08.333 So you still going with Whitaker, huh? 246 00:10:08.333 --> 00:10:10.125 We are! It's a family name. All right? 247 00:10:10.125 --> 00:10:11.541 - Oh, that's nice. - [JT] Yeah, thank you. 248 00:10:11.541 --> 00:10:13.250 You guys know the rules. 249 00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:15.041 Phones off, so we don't get tracked. 250 00:10:15.041 --> 00:10:16.208 - Mm-hm. - Yep. 251 00:10:17.333 --> 00:10:18.916 - All right. Wes. - I'm Wes. 252 00:10:18.916 --> 00:10:20.041 - Bible! - Ooh. 253 00:10:20.583 --> 00:10:22.375 [Wes] All right... 254 00:10:23.125 --> 00:10:24.625 What we got? 255 00:10:24.625 --> 00:10:26.458 - Ricky's cancer's back. - Oh, no. 256 00:10:26.458 --> 00:10:28.541 [Dean] Emergency surgery in Albany. 257 00:10:28.541 --> 00:10:32.000 [Wes] Oh, that's terrible. Emergency surgery... 258 00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:33.791 Hey, why does it have to be cancer? 259 00:10:33.791 --> 00:10:35.291 Like, won't everybody get worried? 260 00:10:35.291 --> 00:10:36.583 That mean I gotta do chemo again? 261 00:10:36.583 --> 00:10:39.875 Yeah, and that's going to take us right into the World Series. 262 00:10:39.875 --> 00:10:41.583 - Ahh. - Boom! 263 00:10:42.291 --> 00:10:45.375 All right, one final bit of business before we land. 264 00:10:45.375 --> 00:10:47.625 Stanicky phone. Let's get this Instagram out of the way. 265 00:10:47.625 --> 00:10:49.083 There we go. 266 00:10:51.333 --> 00:10:53.541 -"Life is precious." - It is. 267 00:10:53.541 --> 00:10:55.833 -"And so is friendship." - Hmm. 268 00:10:55.833 --> 00:10:58.500 "Thanks to my boys for being here for me." 269 00:10:59.125 --> 00:11:00.125 Good. 270 00:11:00.125 --> 00:11:02.083 All right, are we done? Is it get drunk time? 271 00:11:02.083 --> 00:11:04.000 - Yeah. - A toast! 272 00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:05.375 To Ricky Stanicky. 273 00:11:05.375 --> 00:11:07.083 [Wes and JT] To Ricky Stanicky. 274 00:11:07.083 --> 00:11:09.291 The best friend we never had. 275 00:11:09.875 --> 00:11:11.000 Yoo! 276 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:14.250 ["Your New Morning Alarm" by Marc Rebillet plays] 277 00:11:14.250 --> 00:11:16.875 [crowd cheering] 278 00:11:16.875 --> 00:11:18.500 ♪ Get the fuck out of bed Bitch, go! ♪ 279 00:11:18.500 --> 00:11:22.625 - [crowd cheering] - [loud techno music blares] 280 00:11:22.625 --> 00:11:24.750 ♪ Get up, get up! You gotta go, gah! ♪ 281 00:11:28.166 --> 00:11:29.916 ♪ Wake up, time to wake up Bitch, get up! ♪ 282 00:11:29.916 --> 00:11:33.166 - [explosions] - [crowd cheering] 283 00:11:38.708 --> 00:11:42.541 [loud techno music blares] 284 00:11:48.166 --> 00:11:50.958 [crowd cheering and whooping] 285 00:11:51.958 --> 00:11:53.875 - [music ends] - [Dean] Woo-hoo-hoo! 286 00:11:53.875 --> 00:11:56.333 God, that was good! That was amazing! 287 00:11:56.333 --> 00:11:59.125 - Thank you, Ricky Stanicky. - The fucking Loop Daddy! 288 00:11:59.125 --> 00:12:00.291 Unbelievable, dude. 289 00:12:00.291 --> 00:12:02.500 It makes all that guilt I'm feeling totally worthwhile. 290 00:12:02.500 --> 00:12:04.375 Why do we even have to feel guilt? 291 00:12:04.375 --> 00:12:05.625 We could have just told them. 292 00:12:05.625 --> 00:12:07.375 You know, and cut out that whole angst part. 293 00:12:07.375 --> 00:12:09.125 No, because the Rebillet tickets 294 00:12:09.125 --> 00:12:10.750 fell into our lap this morning, 295 00:12:10.750 --> 00:12:12.875 and the girls have had the baby shower planned for weeks. 296 00:12:12.875 --> 00:12:14.458 Yeah. Yeah, but they're strong women. 297 00:12:14.458 --> 00:12:16.125 I'm sure they would've gotten over 298 00:12:16.125 --> 00:12:17.625 us skipping one little party. 299 00:12:17.625 --> 00:12:20.958 It's not one little party. It's my baby shower. 300 00:12:22.250 --> 00:12:23.791 [Wes] Oh, a Jack and Coke. 301 00:12:23.791 --> 00:12:25.916 I'll have a Dos Equis, please. Hoo! 302 00:12:25.916 --> 00:12:28.916 Do you have, uh... do you have organic vodka? 303 00:12:31.041 --> 00:12:32.750 Just any vodka, it's all... 304 00:12:32.750 --> 00:12:34.250 - Anything. - Thank you. 305 00:12:34.750 --> 00:12:36.791 Speaking of vodka, I'll take a Belvedere, neat, 306 00:12:36.791 --> 00:12:38.375 and a plate of your crispiest calamari. 307 00:12:38.375 --> 00:12:40.583 No, no, Rod. No! Bad! 308 00:12:40.583 --> 00:12:42.208 You keep freeloading off the customers 309 00:12:42.208 --> 00:12:43.333 and you're out of here. 310 00:12:43.333 --> 00:12:45.125 [chuckling] He loves giving me the business. 311 00:12:45.125 --> 00:12:47.333 Just to be clear, I'm anything but a freeloader. 312 00:12:47.333 --> 00:12:49.416 Just going to give you guys a little 'squid pro quo' 313 00:12:49.416 --> 00:12:50.916 for the calamari. 314 00:12:50.916 --> 00:12:52.625 Really? Meaning? 315 00:12:52.625 --> 00:12:54.583 Oh, I do a midnight show at the Slot Swamp Casino. 316 00:12:54.583 --> 00:12:56.875 I'll get you guys in, half price. 317 00:12:56.875 --> 00:12:59.166 - What kind of show? - Ah. Check this out. 318 00:13:00.875 --> 00:13:01.875 Boom! 319 00:13:01.875 --> 00:13:03.666 Oh, shit! Yo! 320 00:13:03.666 --> 00:13:05.083 "Rock Hard Rod - 321 00:13:05.083 --> 00:13:08.333 "South Jersey's premier X-rated rock'n'roll impersonator". 322 00:13:09.750 --> 00:13:11.625 That's not as crazy as it sounds. 323 00:13:11.625 --> 00:13:14.250 I mean, most of the songs are just about masturbation, 324 00:13:14.250 --> 00:13:15.583 and we all do that, right? 325 00:13:16.125 --> 00:13:17.333 [chuckling] Yeah! 326 00:13:17.333 --> 00:13:19.750 Actually, Rod, I don't think we'll be able to make the show, 327 00:13:19.750 --> 00:13:20.916 but we'll buy you a drink 328 00:13:20.916 --> 00:13:22.333 if you put your jerk-off hand down. 329 00:13:22.333 --> 00:13:23.958 You drive a hard bargain, sir. 330 00:13:23.958 --> 00:13:27.500 So, you do a bunch of jerk-off songs to make a living? 331 00:13:27.500 --> 00:13:28.833 [Rod] Yeah, I do a whole act. 332 00:13:28.833 --> 00:13:30.916 Wall-to-wall, top-to-bottom jizz jams! 333 00:13:30.916 --> 00:13:33.000 You'll be surprised at how much material lends itself to it. 334 00:13:33.000 --> 00:13:34.250 I mean, 'Beat It', Michael Jackson. 335 00:13:34.250 --> 00:13:35.875 'Wind Beneath My Wings', Bette Midler. 336 00:13:35.875 --> 00:13:37.583 - Anything by The Strokes! - Mm. 337 00:13:37.583 --> 00:13:39.041 Yeah, and I'm the only one in the world 338 00:13:39.041 --> 00:13:40.083 that's figured it out. 339 00:13:40.083 --> 00:13:43.250 Yeah, it's almost hard to believe. 340 00:13:43.250 --> 00:13:44.833 Oh, Barry, my dear friends here 341 00:13:44.833 --> 00:13:46.291 will buy me that drink after all. 342 00:13:46.791 --> 00:13:48.000 Oh, yeah, I also do impressions. 343 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:50.083 You name it, I can do it. I'm a trained actor, you know. 344 00:13:50.083 --> 00:13:52.000 - I got a good one for you, Rod. - Yeah? 345 00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:54.000 Why don't you do the guy that gets the fuck out of here 346 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:55.583 before I call security? 347 00:13:55.583 --> 00:13:57.416 No, no, no, it's okay. It's okay. 348 00:13:57.416 --> 00:13:58.541 I think we'd like to see this. 349 00:13:58.541 --> 00:14:00.125 And go ahead and bring him that drink. 350 00:14:00.125 --> 00:14:03.458 Ha! And the calamari, Bar-ry! 351 00:14:03.458 --> 00:14:05.625 [chuckling] Dickhead! Love that guy. 352 00:14:05.625 --> 00:14:07.333 So, who do you guys want me to do? 353 00:14:07.333 --> 00:14:09.916 You, er, I don't know, you like Owen Wilson? 354 00:14:10.458 --> 00:14:11.958 - Sure. - We love Owen Wilson. 355 00:14:11.958 --> 00:14:14.250 - Yeah, that's fine. - I would love some Owen Wilson. 356 00:14:17.250 --> 00:14:19.041 [mimics Owen Wilson's voice] Wow! 357 00:14:19.041 --> 00:14:20.916 Where in the history of our relationship 358 00:14:20.916 --> 00:14:22.958 did you think I couldn't do an impersonation 359 00:14:22.958 --> 00:14:25.000 of somebody as adorable as The Big O? 360 00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:27.833 That is an excellent Owen Wilson. That's a good Owen. 361 00:14:27.833 --> 00:14:28.958 - It's okay. - Wow. 362 00:14:28.958 --> 00:14:30.916 - [JT] It's not that good. - Thank you. Oh, er... 363 00:14:30.916 --> 00:14:33.083 - I'm just... - [Wes] Calamari's here, man. 364 00:14:34.541 --> 00:14:35.666 [slurps noisily] 365 00:14:36.916 --> 00:14:38.458 All right, an oldie but a goodie. 366 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.375 [smoky woman's voice] Take a look at this tit, kid. 367 00:14:42.375 --> 00:14:44.166 Probably the last one you're ever going to see 368 00:14:44.166 --> 00:14:45.416 for the rest of your life. 369 00:14:45.916 --> 00:14:47.750 [little boy's voice] Don't drink no more, Momma. 370 00:14:47.750 --> 00:14:49.250 You're real mean when you drink stuff. 371 00:14:49.250 --> 00:14:51.500 [woman's voice] Quit your bitchin', ya sloppy punk. 372 00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:53.166 You wanna know how you was hatched? 373 00:14:53.166 --> 00:14:55.875 Your old man was basting my rump roast 374 00:14:55.875 --> 00:14:57.958 and some of it dribbled into my woolly burger. 375 00:14:57.958 --> 00:14:59.750 You know what that makes you? 376 00:14:59.750 --> 00:15:01.750 [laughs] A shit baby! 377 00:15:01.750 --> 00:15:03.750 That's right, you're nothing but shit, 378 00:15:03.750 --> 00:15:05.416 and you always will be! 379 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:08.458 Is... is that from 'Downton Abbey'? 380 00:15:09.666 --> 00:15:11.833 That was, er... 381 00:15:11.833 --> 00:15:14.375 just a little skit from my childhood. 382 00:15:19.625 --> 00:15:20.666 [Dean] Er, yeah... 383 00:15:20.666 --> 00:15:22.833 I think it's time to hit the tables, boys. Huh? 384 00:15:22.833 --> 00:15:24.791 Right on. Where are we going? 385 00:15:24.791 --> 00:15:26.416 Copper Bonnet's the only place on the boardwalk 386 00:15:26.416 --> 00:15:27.416 with 50-cent tables. 387 00:15:27.416 --> 00:15:29.291 Not as many hookers, but they're friendlier - 388 00:15:29.291 --> 00:15:30.416 they don't get weirded out 389 00:15:30.416 --> 00:15:31.833 when you just wanna brush their hair. 390 00:15:31.833 --> 00:15:34.041 Yeah, Rod, I think we're just going to stay around here. 391 00:15:34.041 --> 00:15:36.541 Oh, here's great. I'm friends with the bartender, Barry. 392 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:41.333 Hey, Hard-on Ronnie, we are doing our own thing. 393 00:15:41.333 --> 00:15:43.125 We got our thing going on, 394 00:15:43.125 --> 00:15:46.166 and we're probably just gonna... 395 00:15:46.166 --> 00:15:47.958 leave you. 396 00:15:52.500 --> 00:15:54.375 Okay, I can take a hint. 397 00:15:55.375 --> 00:15:56.375 You guys look at me 398 00:15:56.375 --> 00:15:58.333 and you just see another scumbag impersonator, right? 399 00:15:58.333 --> 00:16:01.083 Thanks for understanding, man. You're a good dude. 400 00:16:05.333 --> 00:16:07.791 - What the hell, man? - What? 401 00:16:07.791 --> 00:16:09.666 You didn't have to be so mean about it. 402 00:16:10.416 --> 00:16:12.333 What? I wasn't... What did I do? 403 00:16:13.208 --> 00:16:14.708 What? Was I being an asshole? 404 00:16:14.708 --> 00:16:16.791 Well, you called him 'Hard-on Ronnie'. 405 00:16:16.791 --> 00:16:18.666 It's 'Rock Hard Rod'. 406 00:16:18.666 --> 00:16:20.625 Ohh, right, I'm so sorry. 407 00:16:20.625 --> 00:16:22.166 I didn't know Weird Al Wankovic 408 00:16:22.166 --> 00:16:23.833 would be so sensitive. 409 00:16:25.250 --> 00:16:27.083 Rod! Hey, Rod! 410 00:16:27.916 --> 00:16:28.916 These are mine. 411 00:16:28.916 --> 00:16:31.583 I just wanted to say sorry for what happened back there. 412 00:16:31.583 --> 00:16:33.000 My friends... 413 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:35.500 they just want it to be some kind of reunion, just us, 414 00:16:35.500 --> 00:16:37.125 but that wasn't cool, so... 415 00:16:38.458 --> 00:16:40.750 Whatever, I get it. Happens all the time. 416 00:16:41.666 --> 00:16:43.458 You guys come in to AC 417 00:16:43.458 --> 00:16:46.125 with your Toyota Avalons and your anesthesiologist money. 418 00:16:46.125 --> 00:16:48.000 Strutting around like a bunch of big shots. 419 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:49.416 Let me tell you something. 420 00:16:49.416 --> 00:16:50.916 We lost Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson 421 00:16:50.916 --> 00:16:52.291 because of you fuckers, okay? 422 00:16:52.291 --> 00:16:54.500 None of us are anesthesiologists. 423 00:16:55.500 --> 00:16:57.000 Not here for the convention? 424 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.208 No. 425 00:16:59.833 --> 00:17:01.500 Hey, I get it, man. 426 00:17:01.500 --> 00:17:04.041 You look at me and see another asshole sideshow freak, right? 427 00:17:04.041 --> 00:17:05.708 - Not at all. - I'm more than that. 428 00:17:05.708 --> 00:17:07.666 I'm a damn good actor. 429 00:17:08.375 --> 00:17:09.708 You'll see. 430 00:17:10.500 --> 00:17:11.500 Shit! 431 00:17:18.583 --> 00:17:20.083 Who are they? 432 00:17:20.083 --> 00:17:21.708 Crazy fans I was trying to avoid. 433 00:17:22.291 --> 00:17:25.208 Anyway, I gotta run. Hey, take my card. 434 00:17:27.083 --> 00:17:28.166 Remember that name. 435 00:17:28.166 --> 00:17:30.125 I promise it's going to mean something to you some day. 436 00:17:30.125 --> 00:17:32.041 I would not be surprised. 437 00:17:33.958 --> 00:17:35.291 [slurps noisily] 438 00:17:42.125 --> 00:17:43.875 Oh! Jeez. 439 00:17:49.791 --> 00:17:51.875 [cell phone pinging] 440 00:18:00.416 --> 00:18:02.916 Oh, my God! Yes! Yes! 441 00:18:02.916 --> 00:18:04.166 [JT laughs] 442 00:18:04.166 --> 00:18:05.958 - Give me my money right now! - JT! JT! 443 00:18:05.958 --> 00:18:08.208 Not now, Dean. I'm on fire! 444 00:18:08.208 --> 00:18:10.416 And for once I'm going to leave Atlantic City a winner! 445 00:18:10.416 --> 00:18:12.000 Susan's in labor. 446 00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:15.291 [dramatic music] 447 00:18:16.375 --> 00:18:18.500 This was a bad idea. I knew this was a bad idea. 448 00:18:18.500 --> 00:18:19.708 Don't friggin' do that, man. 449 00:18:19.708 --> 00:18:21.750 You're 'Monday morning quarterbacking' right now. 450 00:18:21.750 --> 00:18:23.833 Who could've figured she'd go into labor six weeks early? 451 00:18:23.833 --> 00:18:27.125 Six weeks! My baby's going to be born six weeks early. 452 00:18:27.125 --> 00:18:29.291 - Is he going to be okay? - The baby's going to fine. 453 00:18:29.291 --> 00:18:31.500 Babies are born six weeks early all the time. 454 00:18:31.500 --> 00:18:33.208 I was born six weeks early. 455 00:18:33.208 --> 00:18:35.250 Oh, shit! Go, go, go! Go! 456 00:18:45.166 --> 00:18:46.708 Susan Levine. What room is she in? 457 00:18:47.666 --> 00:18:49.416 - Levine? - Yeah, Levine. 458 00:18:49.958 --> 00:18:53.083 Ah, here we are. She and the baby are in 208. 459 00:18:54.125 --> 00:18:55.708 She had the baby?! 460 00:18:55.708 --> 00:18:57.541 [JT] Oh, baby Whitaker. 461 00:18:58.041 --> 00:18:59.916 This was not the birth plan I had for you. 462 00:19:00.541 --> 00:19:02.625 I wanted you born on the shores of Goosewing Beach. 463 00:19:02.625 --> 00:19:04.333 You know what my birth plan was? 464 00:19:04.333 --> 00:19:06.291 For you to actually be here. 465 00:19:06.291 --> 00:19:08.208 Why isn't he wearing a shirt? 466 00:19:08.208 --> 00:19:10.666 I'm having skin-to-skin contact with my son, Leona. 467 00:19:10.666 --> 00:19:13.125 It's a proven way of regulating a newborn baby's temperature, 468 00:19:13.125 --> 00:19:14.625 and it calms him, thank you. 469 00:19:14.625 --> 00:19:16.166 Don't blankets do that? 470 00:19:16.666 --> 00:19:19.500 Oh, he is such a little peanut. 471 00:19:19.500 --> 00:19:22.083 We should call him Shrimpy, he's such a little peanut. 472 00:19:22.083 --> 00:19:25.083 Please don't call my grandson 'Shrimpy'. 473 00:19:25.083 --> 00:19:27.333 Shrimps are the cockroaches of the sea. 474 00:19:27.833 --> 00:19:30.583 6lbs is pretty good for a month and a half early, right, Mom? 475 00:19:30.583 --> 00:19:32.708 Oh, he's perfect. He's perfect. 476 00:19:32.708 --> 00:19:35.458 I want to know where the hell you guys were tonight. 477 00:19:35.458 --> 00:19:37.625 We called every hospital in Albany 478 00:19:37.625 --> 00:19:40.208 and there was no record of a Ricky Stanicky. 479 00:19:40.208 --> 00:19:41.833 Yeah, and the last thing you tell me 480 00:19:41.833 --> 00:19:44.166 is you got to go see him because he's got... 481 00:19:44.166 --> 00:19:45.625 What kind of cancer? 482 00:19:46.208 --> 00:19:48.416 Er... anal. 483 00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:50.625 I thought it was testicular. 484 00:19:50.625 --> 00:19:54.166 It was testicular, but then it spread to his anus. 485 00:19:54.750 --> 00:19:56.916 Yeah, they had to remove it. 486 00:19:56.916 --> 00:19:58.208 They removed his asshole? 487 00:19:59.333 --> 00:20:02.458 Er... just the outer lip part. 488 00:20:02.458 --> 00:20:05.291 Outer lip part? What is he, a fucking baboon? 489 00:20:05.291 --> 00:20:07.375 Come on, Wes. What's going on here? 490 00:20:07.375 --> 00:20:08.958 Where were you? 491 00:20:12.750 --> 00:20:14.500 Okay. 492 00:20:16.416 --> 00:20:17.833 It was a lie. 493 00:20:19.125 --> 00:20:21.041 It's all been a lie. 494 00:20:21.583 --> 00:20:23.208 What's a lie? 495 00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:26.208 The whole Ricky Stanicky thing. 496 00:20:27.083 --> 00:20:29.333 It was, uh... 497 00:20:29.333 --> 00:20:30.500 It's bullshit. 498 00:20:30.500 --> 00:20:32.500 JT, what's he talking about? 499 00:20:32.500 --> 00:20:34.208 Yeah, Dean, what is he talking about? 500 00:20:35.833 --> 00:20:37.791 He's saying... 501 00:20:37.791 --> 00:20:40.291 Ricky Stanicky lied to us. 502 00:20:40.291 --> 00:20:42.708 Okay? There was no cancer. 503 00:20:42.708 --> 00:20:45.000 When we got to the hospital, Ricky was standing out front 504 00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:46.708 with a bottle of champagne and a limo. 505 00:20:46.708 --> 00:20:48.750 Turns out that it was his five-year anniversary 506 00:20:48.750 --> 00:20:50.541 being cancer free. 507 00:20:50.541 --> 00:20:53.625 So he pretended to have cancer 508 00:20:53.625 --> 00:20:56.375 just so he could celebrate not having cancer? 509 00:20:56.375 --> 00:20:58.291 I... Yeah. 510 00:20:58.291 --> 00:20:59.416 It's typical Rick. 511 00:20:59.416 --> 00:21:01.375 You know, he's got such a weird sense of humour. 512 00:21:01.375 --> 00:21:02.958 - [Dean] He does, yep. - [Erin] Okay... 513 00:21:02.958 --> 00:21:05.500 He was in Albany meeting with the Give Green Foundation, 514 00:21:05.500 --> 00:21:07.708 and I guess he just wanted to celebrate with us. 515 00:21:07.708 --> 00:21:09.208 So he pranked us. 516 00:21:09.208 --> 00:21:11.791 The Give Green Foundation? 517 00:21:11.791 --> 00:21:14.416 Yeah. You've heard of them, Leona. They're wonderful. 518 00:21:14.416 --> 00:21:18.000 Wait, why didn't you call us and tell us that he was okay? 519 00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:19.791 And why was your phone off all night? 520 00:21:19.791 --> 00:21:21.333 Oh, baby, it was a whirlwind. 521 00:21:21.333 --> 00:21:22.916 Ricky took us to a stand-up comedy show 522 00:21:22.916 --> 00:21:24.583 and they didn't allow cell phones, so... 523 00:21:25.125 --> 00:21:27.208 And after that, the night turned into a blur. 524 00:21:27.208 --> 00:21:29.458 You know I wanted to be here for you for this. 525 00:21:29.458 --> 00:21:31.000 I wanted this more than you did. 526 00:21:31.833 --> 00:21:33.208 Oh, get that baby off that thing 527 00:21:33.208 --> 00:21:34.333 and give him to his mother. 528 00:21:34.333 --> 00:21:35.916 Oh, that is disgusting! 529 00:21:35.916 --> 00:21:39.208 No. It's dangerous to detach. Let him suck it out. 530 00:21:40.250 --> 00:21:42.250 [whispers] Yeah. Good boy. 531 00:21:42.250 --> 00:21:44.000 This hippie-dippy crap. 532 00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:46.000 Well, I'm certainly going to give Ricky an earful 533 00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:48.083 when I see him at the bris next week. 534 00:21:48.083 --> 00:21:49.416 What's a bris? 535 00:21:49.416 --> 00:21:51.041 It's the circumcision ceremony. 536 00:21:51.041 --> 00:21:54.041 Oh! It sounds like a soup. 537 00:21:54.041 --> 00:21:56.458 You know, I doubt he's going to be able to be there, sadly. 538 00:21:56.458 --> 00:21:57.541 Why not? 539 00:21:58.375 --> 00:22:00.125 He has work in Nairobi. 540 00:22:00.125 --> 00:22:01.458 No, he doesn't. 541 00:22:01.458 --> 00:22:03.208 Wes is helping him out with some fundraiser 542 00:22:03.208 --> 00:22:04.750 in Providence on Saturday night. 543 00:22:04.750 --> 00:22:06.333 [Wes clearing throat] 544 00:22:06.333 --> 00:22:08.625 I remember telling... [voice breaks] I told you. 545 00:22:09.708 --> 00:22:10.833 Yeah. 546 00:22:10.833 --> 00:22:14.833 Great. Well, the bris is on Sunday, so he can make it. 547 00:22:14.833 --> 00:22:18.166 Yeah, maybe. Unless he's got to fly out early on Sunday. 548 00:22:18.166 --> 00:22:19.375 Well, that's ridiculous. 549 00:22:19.375 --> 00:22:20.916 Come on, if he's in town on Saturday, 550 00:22:20.916 --> 00:22:23.208 why wouldn't he spend an extra day to meet baby Whitaker? 551 00:22:23.208 --> 00:22:25.333 Yeah, why wouldn't he? 552 00:22:26.208 --> 00:22:29.458 You're absolutely right. He should stay an extra day. 553 00:22:29.458 --> 00:22:31.416 In fact, I'm going to make sure of it. 554 00:22:32.083 --> 00:22:33.416 [JT] What the fuck, Dean? 555 00:22:33.416 --> 00:22:34.875 What did you want me to say, man? 556 00:22:34.875 --> 00:22:36.250 They were all staring at me. 557 00:22:36.250 --> 00:22:38.916 I look at you. You've got baby Whitaker nursing on you. 558 00:22:38.916 --> 00:22:40.416 Horrible name, by the way. 559 00:22:40.416 --> 00:22:42.250 - I just-- - You panicked. 560 00:22:42.250 --> 00:22:43.500 I panicked?! 561 00:22:44.166 --> 00:22:46.500 What are you talk...?! You're the one who almost outed us! 562 00:22:46.500 --> 00:22:47.833 And you made plans with Stanicky! 563 00:22:47.833 --> 00:22:50.041 Ricky Stanicky is not a one-man show. You know that! 564 00:22:50.041 --> 00:22:51.541 It's a fragile fabric, man. 565 00:22:51.541 --> 00:22:54.125 Ricky Stanicky is only to be used as a three-man team. 566 00:22:54.125 --> 00:22:55.125 Huh. 567 00:22:55.125 --> 00:22:56.791 So, what about the golf rounds with Ricky 568 00:22:56.791 --> 00:22:58.250 that JT charged to your company? 569 00:22:58.250 --> 00:22:59.458 - You weren't there. - What? 570 00:22:59.458 --> 00:23:01.000 I charged the rounds of golf 571 00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:02.583 because you didn't have any money. 572 00:23:02.583 --> 00:23:05.625 Seriously, Wes. What happened in there, man? 573 00:23:06.500 --> 00:23:07.791 Look. 574 00:23:07.791 --> 00:23:10.250 Keith's been on my ass about finding a job, 575 00:23:10.250 --> 00:23:12.500 and sleeping all day... 576 00:23:12.500 --> 00:23:14.750 and pumicing my foot-skin over the sink. 577 00:23:14.750 --> 00:23:16.833 What the fuck does this have to do with Stanicky? 578 00:23:16.833 --> 00:23:18.666 I needed a break! 579 00:23:18.666 --> 00:23:20.500 Keith can be very oppressive. 580 00:23:20.500 --> 00:23:22.125 Sometimes I feel like I'm living 581 00:23:22.125 --> 00:23:23.541 in a gay 'Handmaid's Tale'. 582 00:23:24.333 --> 00:23:29.166 So I went to a pot farm, where they make cannabis milk. 583 00:23:29.166 --> 00:23:31.166 You played the Stanicky card to get pot milk? 584 00:23:31.166 --> 00:23:33.083 You never had milk like this before. 585 00:23:33.083 --> 00:23:34.458 - No, I haven't. - It's delicious. 586 00:23:34.458 --> 00:23:35.541 I hope! 587 00:23:35.541 --> 00:23:37.666 They must feed these lucky cows weed all day, 588 00:23:37.666 --> 00:23:39.625 because when they milk 'em - boom! 589 00:23:39.625 --> 00:23:41.291 [high-pitched] Dream cream! 590 00:23:41.291 --> 00:23:42.625 What did you just say? 591 00:23:42.625 --> 00:23:43.750 [high-pitched] Dream cream. 592 00:23:44.458 --> 00:23:45.583 Huh! 593 00:23:48.625 --> 00:23:51.416 We're fucked. We're majorly fucked. 594 00:23:51.416 --> 00:23:53.125 You know, we don't deserve this shit. 595 00:23:53.125 --> 00:23:54.541 All we did was tell one lie. 596 00:23:54.541 --> 00:23:57.083 Hundreds and hundreds of times over many, many years. 597 00:23:58.083 --> 00:23:59.333 Hey, maybe they'll forget 598 00:23:59.333 --> 00:24:01.541 that they invited Stanicky to the bris. 599 00:24:01.541 --> 00:24:03.666 They'll be so busy with the family and friends, 600 00:24:03.666 --> 00:24:04.750 and cutting of penises. 601 00:24:04.750 --> 00:24:06.666 They're not going to forget they invited him, Wes. 602 00:24:07.791 --> 00:24:09.416 I got it. My boy Jonesy. 603 00:24:09.416 --> 00:24:11.208 He works for one of those online obituaries. 604 00:24:11.208 --> 00:24:13.083 We could kill Stanicky off. 605 00:24:13.083 --> 00:24:14.916 I like that. Let's kill his ass. 606 00:24:14.916 --> 00:24:16.416 Put your hands down, shit nuts. 607 00:24:16.416 --> 00:24:19.916 Obituaries give details. Friends, family, cemeteries. 608 00:24:19.916 --> 00:24:22.166 Plus then everyone's going to want to go to the funeral. 609 00:24:22.166 --> 00:24:25.375 Okay, Dean, your negativity is not helping. 610 00:24:27.458 --> 00:24:32.250 Or, uh, we could go do my original plan... 611 00:24:33.166 --> 00:24:34.750 ... and tell everybody the truth. 612 00:24:34.750 --> 00:24:36.958 Shut your mouth. Shut your stupid mouth. 613 00:24:36.958 --> 00:24:38.291 We're not telling the truth. 614 00:24:38.291 --> 00:24:39.916 There'll be no truth told, okay? 615 00:24:39.916 --> 00:24:41.708 We're going to do the right thing here. 616 00:24:41.708 --> 00:24:43.291 Some would argue that telling the truth 617 00:24:43.291 --> 00:24:44.500 is the right thing to do. 618 00:24:44.500 --> 00:24:45.666 Yeah - assholes! 619 00:24:45.666 --> 00:24:48.125 Let me remind you guys of what the truth is, dream cream. 620 00:24:48.125 --> 00:24:49.583 Last night, when I was in New Jersey 621 00:24:49.583 --> 00:24:51.750 secretly partying my face off at the Marc Rebillet concert, 622 00:24:51.750 --> 00:24:53.166 my wife was giving birth to my son. 623 00:24:53.166 --> 00:24:54.291 Alone! Okay? 624 00:24:54.291 --> 00:24:56.375 And if the truth does come out, my marriage is over. 625 00:24:56.375 --> 00:24:58.416 And later, if my son finds out, that's over too. 626 00:24:58.416 --> 00:24:59.583 Is that what you want, Wes? 627 00:24:59.583 --> 00:25:02.750 You want to destroy an entire family, huh? Huh? 628 00:25:04.041 --> 00:25:06.291 - Huh? - Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. 629 00:25:06.291 --> 00:25:10.458 What if we hire an actor to play Stanicky? 630 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:12.583 We give him the whole run-down. 631 00:25:12.583 --> 00:25:14.250 Tell him everything he needs to know. 632 00:25:15.750 --> 00:25:17.333 Okay, okay, I like this. Keep going. 633 00:25:17.333 --> 00:25:19.958 We could give him the bible, right? 634 00:25:19.958 --> 00:25:22.416 He studies it for a few days, 635 00:25:22.416 --> 00:25:24.708 and then he comes to the bris for a couple of hours 636 00:25:24.708 --> 00:25:27.250 and he plays Ricky Stanicky. 637 00:25:28.666 --> 00:25:31.375 Okay, but where are we going to find an actor? 638 00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:34.541 Gary Polisner! He's in that Red Robin commercial. 639 00:25:34.541 --> 00:25:36.500 - He is? - Yeah. 640 00:25:36.500 --> 00:25:38.750 He's that dude that goes, "Seconds on steak fries? 641 00:25:38.750 --> 00:25:40.000 "Uh, yeah!" 642 00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:41.208 - That's Gary? - That's Gary. 643 00:25:41.208 --> 00:25:42.791 - Good for him! - Good for him. 644 00:25:42.791 --> 00:25:44.083 I love those commercials. 645 00:25:44.083 --> 00:25:45.583 Guys, minor wrinkle - 646 00:25:45.583 --> 00:25:48.166 Gary's dating Carly, Erin's cousin. 647 00:25:48.166 --> 00:25:49.375 Oh, Cousin It? 648 00:25:49.375 --> 00:25:51.250 That girl with the hair that touches the floor? 649 00:25:51.250 --> 00:25:53.083 Yeah, but don't worry. 650 00:25:53.750 --> 00:25:56.250 I know an actor that nobody knows. 651 00:25:56.750 --> 00:25:59.541 [upbeat music] 652 00:25:59.541 --> 00:26:02.875 ["Whip It" by Devo plays] 653 00:26:04.083 --> 00:26:05.750 [whip cracking] 654 00:26:06.875 --> 00:26:08.791 ♪ Grab that stick ♪ 655 00:26:09.875 --> 00:26:11.916 ♪ Lube your hand with spit ♪ 656 00:26:12.916 --> 00:26:15.000 ♪ Lay down on your back ♪ 657 00:26:16.125 --> 00:26:18.125 ♪ Now it's time to whack ♪ 658 00:26:20.458 --> 00:26:23.375 ♪ When a boner comes along You must grip it ♪ 659 00:26:23.375 --> 00:26:25.250 ♪ To make the cream Come out your dong ♪ 660 00:26:25.250 --> 00:26:26.500 ♪ Just unzip it... ♪ 661 00:26:26.500 --> 00:26:31.625 [to tune of "School's Out"] ♪ Spoooge out my penis ♪ 662 00:26:33.541 --> 00:26:39.708 ♪ Spoooge on my tummy... ♪ 663 00:26:40.500 --> 00:26:43.208 [to tune of "White Wedding"] ♪ It's a nice day for some ♪ 664 00:26:43.208 --> 00:26:45.291 ♪ Wood whackin' ♪ 665 00:26:47.291 --> 00:26:50.083 ♪ It's a nice day to ♪ 666 00:26:50.083 --> 00:26:54.375 ♪ Jizz again... ♪ 667 00:26:55.125 --> 00:26:59.125 ["Baby, I Love Your Way" plays] 668 00:27:01.458 --> 00:27:04.958 ♪ Ooh, baby, I masturbate ♪ 669 00:27:04.958 --> 00:27:06.458 ♪ Every day ♪ 670 00:27:08.458 --> 00:27:13.000 ♪ I want to tell you I masturbate every way ♪ 671 00:27:15.083 --> 00:27:18.458 ♪ Want to beat my meat Night and day ♪ 672 00:27:18.458 --> 00:27:20.250 ♪ Ay, yeah... ♪ 673 00:27:21.125 --> 00:27:23.208 Thanks for coming out tonight, ladies and gentlemen. 674 00:27:23.208 --> 00:27:26.333 So horny to be here. So horny to be here. 675 00:27:26.333 --> 00:27:30.333 ["Baby, I love your way" outro plays] 676 00:27:31.583 --> 00:27:32.791 Great show, Rod. 677 00:27:32.791 --> 00:27:34.541 Good crowd. 678 00:27:38.875 --> 00:27:42.083 Hey, Rod. Those guys are out there again. 679 00:27:53.166 --> 00:27:56.208 [dramatic music] 680 00:27:56.208 --> 00:27:58.083 [man] Hey, we need more beer mugs. 681 00:27:58.083 --> 00:27:59.333 [cutlery clanking] 682 00:28:03.958 --> 00:28:07.333 [grunting] 683 00:28:10.125 --> 00:28:11.250 [bottle shattering] 684 00:28:16.166 --> 00:28:20.583 ["Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" ringtone plays] 685 00:28:25.541 --> 00:28:28.541 Rod Rimestead, trained actor. How can I help you? 686 00:28:29.625 --> 00:28:31.208 Yeah, Dean, I remember you. 687 00:28:32.875 --> 00:28:34.166 A gig? 688 00:28:35.125 --> 00:28:37.500 Let me... Er, you know what? Let me just check my schedule. 689 00:28:43.416 --> 00:28:45.666 Yeah, man. Looks like I'm free. 690 00:28:46.291 --> 00:28:48.291 And so our feathered friend 691 00:28:48.291 --> 00:28:50.333 still has not gotten off the golf ball 692 00:28:50.333 --> 00:28:53.125 that Dr. Dominic DiPasquale of East Greenwich 693 00:28:53.125 --> 00:28:56.583 hit near this greenside bunker six days ago. 694 00:28:56.583 --> 00:28:58.708 But you can count on Channel 6 to be here 695 00:28:58.708 --> 00:29:00.875 until this exciting saga ends. 696 00:29:00.875 --> 00:29:05.375 Or, you can go to Channel6.com and log onto our live duck-cam. 697 00:29:05.375 --> 00:29:06.458 [dog barks] 698 00:29:09.041 --> 00:29:11.000 Can you believe I spent three years 699 00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:13.166 in journalism grad school for this crap? 700 00:29:13.166 --> 00:29:15.291 Are you kidding? I love this story. It's fun. 701 00:29:15.291 --> 00:29:16.791 Don't patronize me. 702 00:29:16.791 --> 00:29:19.166 Okay. It sucks. I'm embarrassed for you. 703 00:29:19.166 --> 00:29:20.666 Thank you. 704 00:29:20.666 --> 00:29:23.458 You're really sweet to hang out with me, though, honestly. 705 00:29:23.458 --> 00:29:24.791 - Are you kidding? - Thank you. 706 00:29:24.791 --> 00:29:26.791 Who else gets the chance to watch history unfold? 707 00:29:26.791 --> 00:29:28.083 [chuckles] 708 00:29:28.083 --> 00:29:29.208 Oh, wait. 709 00:29:29.208 --> 00:29:31.958 You know who's looking forward to meeting Ricky tomorrow? 710 00:29:31.958 --> 00:29:33.750 Yeah, Leona. I know. 711 00:29:33.750 --> 00:29:35.750 Uh-uh. Carly. 712 00:29:36.250 --> 00:29:37.416 Carly with the hair? 713 00:29:37.416 --> 00:29:39.291 Mm-hm, my cousin, yeah. 714 00:29:39.291 --> 00:29:40.791 What happened to Gary Polisner? 715 00:29:40.791 --> 00:29:42.916 Oh, you know, they're together, 716 00:29:42.916 --> 00:29:45.416 but she follows Ricky on Instagram. 717 00:29:45.416 --> 00:29:48.333 - Loves his charity work. - Hmm. 718 00:29:48.333 --> 00:29:50.625 That duck's not going anywhere. 719 00:29:51.458 --> 00:29:53.666 Let's go get some lunch. Come back in an hour. 720 00:29:53.666 --> 00:29:56.375 I would, but I can't. I'm on duck duty for four more hours. 721 00:29:56.375 --> 00:29:58.666 Unless she gets up, I'm stuck here. 722 00:30:00.583 --> 00:30:01.875 Unless she gets up, huh. 723 00:30:01.875 --> 00:30:03.125 [dog whimpering] 724 00:30:03.833 --> 00:30:05.250 No! Paul! 725 00:30:05.250 --> 00:30:06.416 [dog barking] 726 00:30:06.416 --> 00:30:08.041 Paul! Paul, come back here. 727 00:30:08.041 --> 00:30:09.291 [barking] 728 00:30:09.791 --> 00:30:10.875 [hissing] 729 00:30:12.666 --> 00:30:14.791 Hey, Paul. Paul, get back here. 730 00:30:15.958 --> 00:30:17.041 [dog whimpering] 731 00:30:17.041 --> 00:30:18.541 - Paul! - Oh, my God! 732 00:30:19.791 --> 00:30:21.208 [both] Paul! 733 00:30:21.208 --> 00:30:22.875 - [dog whimpering] - [duck quacking] 734 00:30:22.875 --> 00:30:24.083 [Erin] Oh, my God! 735 00:30:24.791 --> 00:30:26.291 [Erin] Come on! Paul! 736 00:30:28.500 --> 00:30:30.083 Paul! Get out of there! 737 00:30:30.083 --> 00:30:31.458 [Dean] Hold your breath, Paul! 738 00:30:31.458 --> 00:30:32.875 [Erin] Hang in there, buddy! 739 00:30:32.875 --> 00:30:34.000 - Bad duck! - Ow! 740 00:30:34.916 --> 00:30:38.250 Dean, do something! You have to pull him out of there. 741 00:30:40.625 --> 00:30:42.750 [dog whimpering] 742 00:30:43.416 --> 00:30:45.625 Let's take a rain check on the lunch, all right? 743 00:30:45.625 --> 00:30:46.833 Sorry. 744 00:30:48.833 --> 00:30:51.541 [duck quacking] 745 00:30:57.458 --> 00:30:59.250 Such an asshole! 746 00:31:03.916 --> 00:31:05.833 [Wes] I just want to go on the record and say 747 00:31:05.833 --> 00:31:08.333 this is a really bad idea. 748 00:31:08.333 --> 00:31:10.291 Why? He does impersonations of famous people. 749 00:31:10.291 --> 00:31:12.041 How hard could it be to impersonate someone 750 00:31:12.041 --> 00:31:13.708 - that no one's ever met before? - Yeah. 751 00:31:13.708 --> 00:31:15.958 We're going to be fine. This is going to be totally fine. 752 00:31:15.958 --> 00:31:17.500 - You gave him the bible, right? - [Dean] Yeah. 753 00:31:17.500 --> 00:31:19.416 - Good. - And the Stanicky phone, 754 00:31:19.416 --> 00:31:21.000 everything on it, his Insta. 755 00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:23.333 I FaceTimed him. I took him through everything, man. 756 00:31:23.333 --> 00:31:25.041 For a sloppy drunk, he's a real pro 757 00:31:25.041 --> 00:31:26.791 - when it comes to this stuff. - Fine. 758 00:31:26.791 --> 00:31:30.041 [loud retching] 759 00:31:30.041 --> 00:31:32.083 Oh, Jesus. 760 00:31:32.750 --> 00:31:34.250 [Wes] Please don't be the trash bag, 761 00:31:34.250 --> 00:31:35.750 please don't be the trash bag... 762 00:31:35.750 --> 00:31:37.291 It's the trash bag. Oh. 763 00:31:38.958 --> 00:31:41.125 - Dude. - What the hell? 764 00:31:41.125 --> 00:31:42.916 - Hey, boys. - What are you on? 765 00:31:42.916 --> 00:31:44.333 Huh? 766 00:31:44.333 --> 00:31:46.375 Don't give me that shit. What drugs are you on? 767 00:31:46.375 --> 00:31:47.708 None. 768 00:31:47.708 --> 00:31:49.791 Don't lie to us. You're sweating like a tweaker. 769 00:31:49.791 --> 00:31:52.000 I'm sweating because I'm not on anything. 770 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:54.333 I've been cold-turkeying the booze for three days. 771 00:31:54.333 --> 00:31:57.250 Smashes my world record by three days. 772 00:31:57.250 --> 00:31:59.750 What? You can't quit drinking right now, man. 773 00:31:59.750 --> 00:32:01.000 We need you in top form! 774 00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:04.375 I can't drink. Ricky Stanicky's in the program, remember? 775 00:32:04.375 --> 00:32:06.041 Right, yeah, yeah. 776 00:32:06.041 --> 00:32:08.208 Ricky's been clean and sober for the past seven years. 777 00:32:08.208 --> 00:32:10.541 [JT] Who cares?! People relapse all the time. 778 00:32:10.541 --> 00:32:12.708 - [Dean] Yeah. - [JT] What are you...? 779 00:32:12.708 --> 00:32:14.041 What are you doing? 780 00:32:14.041 --> 00:32:15.583 Wallet. Mouth. 781 00:32:15.583 --> 00:32:16.958 [JT] Oh, oh, oh! 782 00:32:16.958 --> 00:32:18.583 Yeah, I've seen this on 'Intervention'. 783 00:32:18.583 --> 00:32:19.875 He's having withdrawals. 784 00:32:19.875 --> 00:32:21.375 The leather will calm him down. 785 00:32:21.375 --> 00:32:23.791 - Relax. It's okay. - Yeah. 786 00:32:23.791 --> 00:32:24.833 [groaning] 787 00:32:24.833 --> 00:32:26.041 You okay? 788 00:32:26.750 --> 00:32:28.708 I had a couple of those in the plane - they pass. 789 00:32:29.708 --> 00:32:32.458 The nice fella I walked off the plane with, he helped me. 790 00:32:32.458 --> 00:32:33.833 What fella? 791 00:32:33.833 --> 00:32:36.750 He was just... he was just here. You didn't see him? 792 00:32:36.750 --> 00:32:38.958 Curly eyes. Long blonde lips. He talks with a limp. 793 00:32:38.958 --> 00:32:39.958 All right, uh, 794 00:32:39.958 --> 00:32:41.708 how about we just take a little whiff of vodka, 795 00:32:41.708 --> 00:32:43.208 you know, just to take the edge off? 796 00:32:43.208 --> 00:32:44.375 - Yeah. A little bit. - Yeah? 797 00:32:44.375 --> 00:32:46.750 No, you hired me to play the role of a sober gentleman. 798 00:32:46.750 --> 00:32:48.541 I'm going to do so the only way I know how - 799 00:32:48.541 --> 00:32:50.500 with artistic integrity. 800 00:32:50.500 --> 00:32:52.541 What is that? Is somebody boiling lobster? 801 00:32:53.750 --> 00:32:56.041 Boiling what? Oh, Rod. 802 00:32:56.708 --> 00:32:58.291 - Oh. - [Wes scoffs] 803 00:32:58.291 --> 00:33:00.958 It's not what you think it is. 804 00:33:00.958 --> 00:33:02.875 It's just piss. 805 00:33:02.875 --> 00:33:04.333 Oh, thank God. 806 00:33:07.833 --> 00:33:10.583 [Rod] I can't believe you guys picked me up in this thing. 807 00:33:10.583 --> 00:33:11.750 What? 808 00:33:11.750 --> 00:33:14.500 This gas-guzzling, carbon-emitting Earth-killer. 809 00:33:14.500 --> 00:33:16.291 If your people see me pull up in this thing, 810 00:33:16.291 --> 00:33:18.041 my cover is blown for sure. 811 00:33:18.041 --> 00:33:21.000 He's right again. Ricky Stanicky's a tree hugger. 812 00:33:21.000 --> 00:33:23.791 We helped him clean up the Chesapeake Bay, remember? 813 00:33:24.333 --> 00:33:26.250 The Pats/Ravens game. That was a good game. 814 00:33:26.250 --> 00:33:28.166 ["Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" ringtone plays] 815 00:33:28.166 --> 00:33:30.250 - [JT] Who's that? - Nobody. 816 00:33:30.250 --> 00:33:33.625 All right, who's the bank? I want all my cheese up front. 817 00:33:33.625 --> 00:33:37.166 SAG minimum - $983 a day, meal penalty after six hours. 818 00:33:37.166 --> 00:33:39.416 Dude, there is no way you're in the union. 819 00:33:39.416 --> 00:33:41.416 We'll give you half now and half when you're done. 820 00:33:41.416 --> 00:33:43.291 That's a no-bueno. I want all my cake up front. 821 00:33:43.291 --> 00:33:44.333 It's not negotiable. 822 00:33:44.333 --> 00:33:46.416 Okay, then, that's a bueno. 823 00:33:47.500 --> 00:33:50.000 [Dean] Guys, we can't take him to the bris smelling like this. 824 00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:51.708 Wes, can you please take Mr. Stanicky 825 00:33:51.708 --> 00:33:53.333 over to your place and shower him off 826 00:33:53.333 --> 00:33:55.083 and then bring him over to JT's? 827 00:33:55.083 --> 00:33:58.625 It's 'Ricky'. Mr. Stanicky is my fake father's name. 828 00:33:58.625 --> 00:34:02.291 Um, hey, I don't think that's going to be a good idea. 829 00:34:02.291 --> 00:34:04.208 My shower curtains, they're all mouldy and shit. 830 00:34:04.208 --> 00:34:05.333 Wes, stop being a douchebag. 831 00:34:05.333 --> 00:34:07.250 Erin and I have to get there early and help set up. 832 00:34:07.250 --> 00:34:09.208 So we're going to be there way before you. Just... 833 00:34:09.208 --> 00:34:12.083 I don't know, do what you can, make him presentable, please. 834 00:34:12.083 --> 00:34:13.958 Presentable? How dare you. 835 00:34:13.958 --> 00:34:15.875 You guys are supposed to be my best friends. 836 00:34:15.875 --> 00:34:17.833 You should be fighting over who gets to hose me down. 837 00:34:17.833 --> 00:34:20.875 Hey, grand-mal piss-pants. Shut the fuck up, okay? 838 00:34:20.875 --> 00:34:22.291 We wouldn't be in this predicament 839 00:34:22.291 --> 00:34:24.750 if you didn't show up smelling like a nursing-home mattress. 840 00:34:26.708 --> 00:34:29.708 Wow. This is a hostile set. 841 00:34:41.500 --> 00:34:42.500 [sighing] 842 00:34:42.500 --> 00:34:43.916 Thanks for that, man. 843 00:34:43.916 --> 00:34:45.875 Starting to feel a little human again. 844 00:34:45.875 --> 00:34:47.541 Yeah. Hey, let me ask you something. 845 00:34:48.708 --> 00:34:50.250 You're a raging alcoholic, right? 846 00:34:50.250 --> 00:34:51.541 Yeah. 847 00:34:51.541 --> 00:34:53.500 Well, then how do you stay so ripped? 848 00:34:53.500 --> 00:34:56.166 - Roids. Shit-ton of roids. - Hmm. 849 00:34:56.166 --> 00:34:58.791 I got addicted to those too. 850 00:34:59.541 --> 00:35:01.208 God, they're good. 851 00:35:07.416 --> 00:35:09.166 Wow. Gay much? 852 00:35:09.166 --> 00:35:11.625 Yeah. I was really feeling it that day. 853 00:35:15.250 --> 00:35:17.250 Oh, so this is your, um... 854 00:35:17.250 --> 00:35:20.500 Partner, Keith. Mmm. 855 00:35:20.500 --> 00:35:21.791 Of course. 856 00:35:21.791 --> 00:35:25.125 By the way, I kind of told him that you were bi. 857 00:35:25.958 --> 00:35:27.125 What? Why? 858 00:35:27.125 --> 00:35:29.625 Because it'd be weird if you weren't... 859 00:35:29.625 --> 00:35:30.875 since we dated. 860 00:35:30.875 --> 00:35:33.416 We dated? You and me? Was that in the bible? 861 00:35:34.625 --> 00:35:36.541 - I missed that. - No, it's not in there. 862 00:35:36.541 --> 00:35:38.250 Why the hell wasn't it in the bible? 863 00:35:38.250 --> 00:35:40.833 Well, 'cause I couldn't tell the guys. All right? 864 00:35:40.833 --> 00:35:43.208 Look, look, I didn't know how things would go 865 00:35:43.208 --> 00:35:44.791 on my first date with Keith. 866 00:35:44.791 --> 00:35:47.291 So I told him I was seeing this dude named Ricky Stanicky, 867 00:35:47.291 --> 00:35:48.833 in case I needed an out. 868 00:35:48.833 --> 00:35:51.458 But we hit it off and I told him we broke up. 869 00:35:52.250 --> 00:35:53.416 Okay, no problem. 870 00:35:53.416 --> 00:35:57.833 Unfortunately, Keith's still a little threatened by you. 871 00:35:59.875 --> 00:36:02.833 Okay, spill the beans. I got to know everything. 872 00:36:02.833 --> 00:36:04.791 - What did you tell him we did? - What do you mean? 873 00:36:04.791 --> 00:36:07.208 Cut the crap. You know what I mean. 874 00:36:07.208 --> 00:36:09.166 Did we play Winnie the Pooh finds a honey stick? 875 00:36:09.166 --> 00:36:11.208 - What's that? - Munchkins in a cave? 876 00:36:11.208 --> 00:36:12.541 Upside-down barber? 877 00:36:12.541 --> 00:36:13.791 Shaved biscuits and gravy? 878 00:36:13.791 --> 00:36:14.916 - No. - Old faceful? 879 00:36:14.916 --> 00:36:17.708 No! We just went on a couple of dates. 880 00:36:18.875 --> 00:36:21.333 Oh. I guess I didn't do it for you. 881 00:36:22.208 --> 00:36:24.083 You're no trophy either, beagle ears. 882 00:36:26.916 --> 00:36:28.625 Hey, what's this? 883 00:36:28.625 --> 00:36:32.833 Oh, it's just this... this children's book thing 884 00:36:32.833 --> 00:36:35.208 that I've been tinkering with. 885 00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:43.333 Hey, there he is! Our mohel, Rabbi Greenberg. 886 00:36:43.333 --> 00:36:45.750 You can call me Rabbi Gigglebird. 887 00:36:45.750 --> 00:36:47.166 [laughter] 888 00:36:47.166 --> 00:36:48.666 The Rabbi does stand-up sometimes 889 00:36:48.666 --> 00:36:50.125 at the Comedy Connection. 890 00:36:50.125 --> 00:36:53.916 I may not be able to eat ham, but I can certainly be one! 891 00:36:53.916 --> 00:36:55.166 [forced laughter] 892 00:36:55.166 --> 00:36:56.625 Cheese puffs, anyone? 893 00:36:56.625 --> 00:37:00.000 Oh, no, we mohels, we prefer those little weenies. 894 00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:01.541 Ba-doomp-pow! 895 00:37:02.541 --> 00:37:04.291 Oh, no... [chuckles awkwardly] 896 00:37:04.291 --> 00:37:05.750 Listen. Listen. 897 00:37:05.750 --> 00:37:07.708 My services here today are complimentary, 898 00:37:07.708 --> 00:37:09.208 just so you know, all right? 899 00:37:09.208 --> 00:37:11.125 I consider this a mitzvah. All right? 900 00:37:11.125 --> 00:37:12.625 I don't want any money, 901 00:37:12.625 --> 00:37:15.000 but I'm keeping the tip! 902 00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:16.166 [laughs] 903 00:37:16.166 --> 00:37:18.666 - They just keep on coming, huh? - Yeah, they don't stop. 904 00:37:18.666 --> 00:37:20.375 - All right. - You're hungry, I bet. 905 00:37:20.375 --> 00:37:21.375 Always. 906 00:37:21.375 --> 00:37:23.833 Please. You got to fill up before you... Right? 907 00:37:23.833 --> 00:37:26.750 - Go. It's all you, baby. - Yeah, yeah. Go get it. Dig in. 908 00:37:26.750 --> 00:37:28.875 [Rabbi] Back off the vodka, lady. 909 00:37:29.916 --> 00:37:31.583 Oh, Jesus Christ. 910 00:37:32.166 --> 00:37:35.083 Can I get a gin and tonic? And let's make it a double. 911 00:37:35.083 --> 00:37:36.500 What the fuck is Summerhayes doing here? 912 00:37:36.500 --> 00:37:37.708 I invited him. 913 00:37:37.708 --> 00:37:39.958 - Oh, my God. - Babe, why would you do that? 914 00:37:39.958 --> 00:37:41.375 Because he's your boss. 915 00:37:41.375 --> 00:37:43.791 Yeah. I don't want to hang out with my boss. 916 00:37:43.791 --> 00:37:45.958 Why not? You invited him to the baby shower, shithead. 917 00:37:45.958 --> 00:37:49.000 That's different. This is a cock-cutting ceremony. 918 00:37:49.000 --> 00:37:50.166 I don't want him here. 919 00:37:50.166 --> 00:37:52.750 Jesus Christ, you're being weird. Just go say hi. 920 00:37:52.750 --> 00:37:54.291 Both of you. Go. 921 00:37:54.291 --> 00:37:56.500 Great. This is just great. 922 00:37:56.500 --> 00:37:58.458 Now if Stanicky shits the bed, we lose our jobs. 923 00:37:59.000 --> 00:38:01.291 God, where is he? He should be here by now. 924 00:38:01.791 --> 00:38:03.333 [Rod] Explain it again. 925 00:38:03.333 --> 00:38:05.791 It's a children's story about these seeds 926 00:38:05.791 --> 00:38:08.333 that are flying in the breeze, 927 00:38:08.333 --> 00:38:11.291 and all they want to do is reach the top of this mountain. 928 00:38:11.291 --> 00:38:15.166 But there's this one little seed who gets blown back 929 00:38:15.166 --> 00:38:17.208 to the bottom of the mountain, 930 00:38:17.208 --> 00:38:19.333 and she's all like, "Fuck!" 931 00:38:19.333 --> 00:38:22.750 But when it starts to rain, all the water will start 932 00:38:22.750 --> 00:38:26.875 to flow down the side of the mountain straight to her. 933 00:38:26.875 --> 00:38:29.500 So she'll sprout and she'll grow and grow 934 00:38:29.500 --> 00:38:30.916 to be the biggest tree of all, 935 00:38:30.916 --> 00:38:33.333 even bigger than the ones on top of the mountain. 936 00:38:33.333 --> 00:38:34.958 The message being, 937 00:38:34.958 --> 00:38:38.541 you can be great in life, no matter where you start. 938 00:38:40.916 --> 00:38:42.500 Hot, wet shit. 939 00:38:42.500 --> 00:38:44.208 What-what... what are you talking about? 940 00:38:44.208 --> 00:38:45.875 Come on, man, you're not a farmer. 941 00:38:45.875 --> 00:38:47.958 What the hell do you know about seeds, right? 942 00:38:47.958 --> 00:38:49.458 And the message is absurd. 943 00:38:49.458 --> 00:38:53.500 Poor kids turn into trees? It doesn't make any sense. 944 00:38:53.500 --> 00:38:54.583 - You're right. - Right? 945 00:38:54.583 --> 00:38:55.833 It is stupid. It's stupid! 946 00:38:55.833 --> 00:38:57.666 What the fuck was I thinking, man? Yeah. 947 00:38:57.666 --> 00:38:58.833 I should just give up. 948 00:38:58.833 --> 00:39:00.916 Whoa. No. That's not what I said. 949 00:39:00.916 --> 00:39:02.541 I said this is crap, 950 00:39:02.541 --> 00:39:04.291 because it's not authentic. 951 00:39:04.291 --> 00:39:06.083 Doesn't mean you gotta give up. 952 00:39:07.125 --> 00:39:08.875 Let me tell you a story, cowboy. 953 00:39:08.875 --> 00:39:10.291 A few years back, 954 00:39:10.291 --> 00:39:12.708 I had an X-rated dog show at the Showboat. 955 00:39:12.708 --> 00:39:15.625 I had these two mutts that could bang missionary style. 956 00:39:15.625 --> 00:39:17.958 Oh, yeah, you heard me right. Missionary! 957 00:39:17.958 --> 00:39:20.000 Face-to-face. Real deal. 958 00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:21.541 It was kind of touching, actually. 959 00:39:21.541 --> 00:39:23.000 Then Atlantic City gets all woke 960 00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:25.541 and they won't let 'em pump on stage anymore. 961 00:39:25.541 --> 00:39:28.333 I tried doing the show with two guys in dog suits, but... 962 00:39:28.333 --> 00:39:29.708 the magic just wasn't there. 963 00:39:29.708 --> 00:39:30.750 You know what I mean? 964 00:39:32.291 --> 00:39:34.458 - No. - My point is, I failed. 965 00:39:34.458 --> 00:39:36.375 But did I give up? Heck no. 966 00:39:36.375 --> 00:39:38.333 I just had to ask myself, what do I love? 967 00:39:38.333 --> 00:39:39.333 And then it was easy - 968 00:39:39.333 --> 00:39:41.583 singing, performing and telling filthy jokes. 969 00:39:41.583 --> 00:39:44.541 And that is when Rock Hard Rod was born. 970 00:39:44.541 --> 00:39:47.666 You, sir, have just found out 971 00:39:47.666 --> 00:39:51.333 your dogs can no longer bang missionary style. 972 00:39:51.333 --> 00:39:54.333 Now you got to ask yourself, what do you love? 973 00:39:54.333 --> 00:39:56.208 - What do I love? - Yeah. 974 00:39:56.208 --> 00:39:57.791 Ah... [mumbles] 975 00:39:58.458 --> 00:40:00.791 Yeah, I... I like ceramic owls? 976 00:40:00.791 --> 00:40:03.416 Uh... I love fog. 977 00:40:03.416 --> 00:40:05.166 I love fog! I love it. 978 00:40:05.166 --> 00:40:07.375 Er, is there anything that you like 979 00:40:07.375 --> 00:40:10.916 that a regular human being can relate to on any level? 980 00:40:12.458 --> 00:40:14.250 - I like Christmas. - Christmas, Christmas! 981 00:40:14.250 --> 00:40:16.583 Perfect! Yes! Everybody loves Christmas. 982 00:40:16.583 --> 00:40:18.166 Yeah, well, not everybody. 983 00:40:18.166 --> 00:40:20.541 Keith is not a big fan of it these days. 984 00:40:20.541 --> 00:40:22.791 - He doesn't love Christmas? - Well, he used to love it. 985 00:40:22.791 --> 00:40:23.791 But, I mean, 986 00:40:23.791 --> 00:40:25.916 ever since his parents found out that we were dating, 987 00:40:25.916 --> 00:40:27.583 they haven't really invited him over. 988 00:40:27.583 --> 00:40:30.041 - That sucks. - Yeah. 989 00:40:30.041 --> 00:40:31.583 Which is their loss, you know. 990 00:40:31.583 --> 00:40:33.208 No "Jerky of the Month Club" for them. 991 00:40:33.208 --> 00:40:34.833 Ha. 992 00:40:34.833 --> 00:40:37.250 I just wish there was a holiday tradition for us. 993 00:40:37.250 --> 00:40:40.500 You know, like Christmas is the gayest holiday anyway, man. 994 00:40:40.500 --> 00:40:42.708 You know, you bedazzle a tree with tinsel. 995 00:40:43.416 --> 00:40:45.791 And why does Santa have to be such a fat shit? 996 00:40:45.791 --> 00:40:48.041 Couldn't he be ripped? Couldn't he be jacked? You know? 997 00:40:48.041 --> 00:40:49.875 Can the elves have ordered him a Peloton 998 00:40:49.875 --> 00:40:51.375 or a yoga mat or something? 999 00:40:52.583 --> 00:40:54.000 Ra-pum-pum-pum. 1000 00:40:54.000 --> 00:40:56.083 Now that is authentic! 1001 00:40:57.125 --> 00:40:59.708 Yeah. A Christmas story for us. 1002 00:41:02.250 --> 00:41:03.875 Thanks for coming, Ted. 1003 00:41:03.875 --> 00:41:06.500 I know a bris isn't exactly your cup of tea. 1004 00:41:06.500 --> 00:41:09.000 Oh, no, we're happy that you invited us, JT. 1005 00:41:09.000 --> 00:41:11.375 This is exactly what Ted needed. 1006 00:41:11.375 --> 00:41:14.708 He's been so obsessed with this World River merger. 1007 00:41:14.708 --> 00:41:16.208 Yeah. 1008 00:41:16.208 --> 00:41:19.333 Circumcision parties are my go-to when I need to relax. 1009 00:41:19.333 --> 00:41:21.083 [nervous chuckling] 1010 00:41:21.083 --> 00:41:22.750 Where's Gary? I thought he was coming. 1011 00:41:22.750 --> 00:41:24.250 He has his improv class at Trinity, 1012 00:41:24.250 --> 00:41:25.708 but I think he'll be here soon. 1013 00:41:25.708 --> 00:41:27.291 Have you guys seen his new commercial? 1014 00:41:27.291 --> 00:41:28.916 [Dean] Yeah. Yeah. 1015 00:41:28.916 --> 00:41:31.291 - He got off. - Who got off? 1016 00:41:31.291 --> 00:41:32.916 My big story I'm covering this week. 1017 00:41:32.916 --> 00:41:34.750 You're covering a trial? 1018 00:41:34.750 --> 00:41:36.541 No, real reporters get to do that. 1019 00:41:36.541 --> 00:41:38.833 I'm covering a vicious duck sitting on a golf ball 1020 00:41:38.833 --> 00:41:40.416 - at Wannamoisett Country Club. - Oh. 1021 00:41:40.416 --> 00:41:41.916 You're just paying your dues, right? 1022 00:41:42.416 --> 00:41:44.750 You're going to get a shot at the big story soon. 1023 00:41:44.750 --> 00:41:45.750 Thanks, babe. 1024 00:41:45.750 --> 00:41:47.333 He's not coming, is he? 1025 00:41:47.916 --> 00:41:50.541 - Who would you be referring to? - Oh, don't give me that. 1026 00:41:50.541 --> 00:41:53.083 Ricky Stanicky. Where the hell is he? 1027 00:41:53.083 --> 00:41:55.958 Oh, he'll be here. This is just typical Ricky. 1028 00:41:55.958 --> 00:41:57.541 He's... he's always late. 1029 00:41:57.541 --> 00:42:00.083 Hmm. Well, I'll believe it when I see it. 1030 00:42:00.083 --> 00:42:03.541 Leona, come on. Why wouldn't he come? 1031 00:42:03.541 --> 00:42:05.125 Probably for the same reason 1032 00:42:05.125 --> 00:42:08.708 that he didn't bother to show up for JT and Susan's wedding. 1033 00:42:08.708 --> 00:42:10.916 Sorry he didn't think my wedding was more important 1034 00:42:10.916 --> 00:42:13.333 than digging out hurricane victims in the Bahamas. 1035 00:42:13.333 --> 00:42:14.541 Ooh. 1036 00:42:14.541 --> 00:42:17.375 Ha, ha! The old Bahamian hurricane. 1037 00:42:17.375 --> 00:42:20.000 Jackie, tell me about Ricky Stanicky. 1038 00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:22.458 I mean, if they were such good friends, 1039 00:42:22.458 --> 00:42:25.250 you must have met him a bunch when they were kids, right? 1040 00:42:25.833 --> 00:42:28.791 Oh, sure. I... I met all of JT's friends. 1041 00:42:28.791 --> 00:42:30.083 Really? 1042 00:42:30.083 --> 00:42:33.000 Do you have any specific memories of him? 1043 00:42:33.541 --> 00:42:37.416 Well, I remember he was a handful, that's for sure. 1044 00:42:37.416 --> 00:42:39.583 I mean, every time this one got in trouble, 1045 00:42:39.583 --> 00:42:41.125 Stanicky was somehow behind it. 1046 00:42:41.125 --> 00:42:43.125 He was a... a little devil, that Ricky. 1047 00:42:43.125 --> 00:42:44.875 - Yeah. Oh, yeah. - Wow! 1048 00:42:44.875 --> 00:42:47.250 That doesn't sound like the same guy 1049 00:42:47.250 --> 00:42:52.416 who works for Bono in Africa and builds orphanages in Peru. 1050 00:42:53.708 --> 00:42:55.250 That's 'cause he's born again. 1051 00:42:55.250 --> 00:42:57.500 - Ah. - He had that epiphany in rehab. 1052 00:42:57.500 --> 00:42:59.125 Remember I told you about that? 1053 00:42:59.125 --> 00:43:01.208 - Mm-hm. - Yeah, people change, Leona. 1054 00:43:01.208 --> 00:43:03.250 Why are you grilling my mom? She's not on trial. 1055 00:43:03.250 --> 00:43:04.708 Because I want you to admit 1056 00:43:04.708 --> 00:43:07.041 that Ricky Stanicky does not exist. 1057 00:43:10.166 --> 00:43:12.875 Hey, mishpocha! 1058 00:43:12.875 --> 00:43:15.041 Let's get down to bris-ness! 1059 00:43:15.041 --> 00:43:16.666 [all exclaim] 1060 00:43:16.666 --> 00:43:18.791 Oh, yes! Yeah-ah! 1061 00:43:18.791 --> 00:43:20.208 [JT] You made it! 1062 00:43:20.833 --> 00:43:22.625 The boys are back! 1063 00:43:22.625 --> 00:43:24.958 [all exclaim] 1064 00:43:24.958 --> 00:43:27.000 - All right. - Jackie! 1065 00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:28.333 Ricky? 1066 00:43:28.333 --> 00:43:31.500 Oh, you look unbelievable. You're still a MILF. 1067 00:43:31.500 --> 00:43:33.291 [chuckling] Oh, my God. 1068 00:43:33.291 --> 00:43:36.250 Look at you. Oh, you haven't changed a bit. 1069 00:43:37.291 --> 00:43:38.958 The mystery man in the flesh. 1070 00:43:38.958 --> 00:43:41.458 Well, churn my butter with a slippery stick. 1071 00:43:41.458 --> 00:43:42.958 I finally get to meet Erin Harford. 1072 00:43:42.958 --> 00:43:44.625 You're even more beautiful in person 1073 00:43:44.625 --> 00:43:46.375 than the pictures Dean's always sending me. 1074 00:43:46.375 --> 00:43:47.750 You send him pictures of me? 1075 00:43:47.750 --> 00:43:49.291 Oh, tasteful, of course. 1076 00:43:49.291 --> 00:43:50.375 Even the nudes. 1077 00:43:50.375 --> 00:43:52.208 Seriously, the guy doesn't shut up about you. 1078 00:43:52.208 --> 00:43:54.166 What were you saying about her last week? 1079 00:43:54.166 --> 00:43:55.750 It was, um... 1080 00:43:55.750 --> 00:43:57.541 Ah! The more I look at her, 1081 00:43:57.541 --> 00:43:59.541 the more I realize how much there is to see. 1082 00:43:59.541 --> 00:44:01.791 - Aw. Babe. - And who do we have here? 1083 00:44:01.791 --> 00:44:04.333 Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair! 1084 00:44:04.333 --> 00:44:06.500 [meekly] I'm Carly, I'm Erin's cousin. 1085 00:44:06.500 --> 00:44:08.125 No need to shout, bullhorn! 1086 00:44:08.125 --> 00:44:09.666 [light laughter] 1087 00:44:09.666 --> 00:44:12.833 And I am the woman who had to give birth all alone 1088 00:44:12.833 --> 00:44:15.250 because you tricked her husband into going to Albany. 1089 00:44:15.250 --> 00:44:17.041 Oh, my God, Susan, I'm so sorry. 1090 00:44:17.041 --> 00:44:18.125 [exhales regretfully] 1091 00:44:18.125 --> 00:44:20.250 You know how much grief your old man's been giving me? 1092 00:44:20.250 --> 00:44:22.666 For the record, I had no idea it was your baby shower. 1093 00:44:22.666 --> 00:44:24.375 I just wanted to celebrate my new lease on life 1094 00:44:24.375 --> 00:44:25.666 with my oldest, dearest friends. 1095 00:44:26.541 --> 00:44:28.333 Then little Whitaker comes along... 1096 00:44:28.333 --> 00:44:29.833 God, I love that name. 1097 00:44:31.041 --> 00:44:33.500 And then I just ruin everything. 1098 00:44:33.500 --> 00:44:36.375 I just... Again, my sincerest apologies. 1099 00:44:36.375 --> 00:44:37.958 No, you know, it... 1100 00:44:37.958 --> 00:44:40.416 It's okay. I know you've been through a lot, so... 1101 00:44:40.416 --> 00:44:42.708 Hell, yeah, they lopped off one of my nuts, for starters. 1102 00:44:42.708 --> 00:44:45.708 - [laughter] - Oh, you are still a handful! 1103 00:44:45.708 --> 00:44:47.333 Well, half a handful. 1104 00:44:47.333 --> 00:44:48.708 - [chortles] - Ricky... 1105 00:44:48.708 --> 00:44:51.166 Okay, Rico! Hey, let's go show you around. Huh? 1106 00:44:51.166 --> 00:44:52.791 Aren't you going to Introduce me? 1107 00:44:52.791 --> 00:44:54.500 Uh, we'll be right back. 1108 00:44:54.500 --> 00:44:56.750 [whispers] Stay away from that woman at all costs, okay? 1109 00:44:56.750 --> 00:44:58.833 That's Susan's mother. She's bad news. 1110 00:45:02.375 --> 00:45:03.875 Jesus. 1111 00:45:05.041 --> 00:45:07.833 Hey, if anyone asks about the shaking, just say, 1112 00:45:07.833 --> 00:45:09.833 "I have low blood sugar and I had a Red Bull." 1113 00:45:09.833 --> 00:45:11.166 Stopping you there. 1114 00:45:11.791 --> 00:45:13.750 I don't appreciate line readings. 1115 00:45:15.125 --> 00:45:16.333 What? 1116 00:45:16.333 --> 00:45:18.041 So, I lift up the mosquito net 1117 00:45:18.041 --> 00:45:20.208 and, sure enough, Bono's in there. 1118 00:45:20.208 --> 00:45:22.208 Plowing Mrs. Bono like a potato field. 1119 00:45:22.208 --> 00:45:23.750 Really? The Bono? 1120 00:45:23.750 --> 00:45:27.416 Yeah. Givin' the missus the old Irish shillelagh, as it were. 1121 00:45:27.416 --> 00:45:28.916 So I'm standing there embarrassed. 1122 00:45:28.916 --> 00:45:30.625 And then they go, [Irish accent] "It's okay. 1123 00:45:30.625 --> 00:45:31.875 "Watch us, we like it." 1124 00:45:31.875 --> 00:45:33.291 Is that an Irish thing? 1125 00:45:33.291 --> 00:45:36.375 I don't think so. But I wouldn't put it past them. 1126 00:45:36.375 --> 00:45:39.250 Hey, the guy saved ten million people from starving. 1127 00:45:39.250 --> 00:45:41.000 So, if he wants to let people 1128 00:45:41.000 --> 00:45:43.875 watch him corn-beef his wife's cabbage, who am I to stop him? 1129 00:45:43.875 --> 00:45:47.125 You know who has the best corn-beef in town? Geoff's. 1130 00:45:47.125 --> 00:45:49.166 And it isn't even really a deli. 1131 00:45:49.166 --> 00:45:51.125 I don't think that's the kind of corn-beef 1132 00:45:51.125 --> 00:45:52.500 he's talking about, Ginny. 1133 00:45:52.500 --> 00:45:54.541 Oh, man, all this food talk is making me hungry. 1134 00:45:54.541 --> 00:45:56.500 - Ricky, have you eaten yet? - [Summerhayes] Dean. 1135 00:45:56.500 --> 00:46:00.916 You haven't introduced me to Indiana Jones here. 1136 00:46:00.916 --> 00:46:02.500 Yeah, of course. 1137 00:46:02.500 --> 00:46:05.083 Ted, this is Ricky Stanicky, my good friend. 1138 00:46:05.083 --> 00:46:06.875 Uh, Ricky, this is Ted Summerhayes, my boss. 1139 00:46:06.875 --> 00:46:07.958 Ted, nice to meet you. 1140 00:46:07.958 --> 00:46:10.166 Digging the suit and the seedlings, man. 1141 00:46:10.166 --> 00:46:11.541 The seedlings? 1142 00:46:11.541 --> 00:46:13.208 The hair plugs. They're new, right? 1143 00:46:13.208 --> 00:46:14.416 What? 1144 00:46:14.416 --> 00:46:17.250 No. This is my hair. 1145 00:46:17.250 --> 00:46:20.291 Ha! Yeah, just like a doll's hair is her hair. 1146 00:46:20.291 --> 00:46:21.583 That's good. That's good. 1147 00:46:22.083 --> 00:46:24.500 So, Ted, you're one of those big banker guys, eh? 1148 00:46:24.500 --> 00:46:25.708 One of those guys out there 1149 00:46:25.708 --> 00:46:27.375 helping those billionaires get richer 1150 00:46:27.375 --> 00:46:29.750 and then floating around on your big swinging super-yachts, 1151 00:46:29.750 --> 00:46:31.708 leaving everybody else struggling to make ends meet 1152 00:46:31.708 --> 00:46:32.708 in their little dinghies. 1153 00:46:32.708 --> 00:46:35.500 - No. No, no, no. Not at all... - First of all, 1154 00:46:35.500 --> 00:46:39.291 we sell financial services to independent investors, 1155 00:46:39.291 --> 00:46:41.583 and anyone who's willing to pay for them 1156 00:46:41.583 --> 00:46:44.041 is welcome to share in the benefits. 1157 00:46:44.041 --> 00:46:46.125 Whatever helps you sleep at night, Ebenezer. 1158 00:46:46.125 --> 00:46:48.083 [chuckling nervously] Uh, if memory serves me, 1159 00:46:48.083 --> 00:46:49.333 Ebenezer Scrooge ends up 1160 00:46:49.333 --> 00:46:50.833 becoming the hero of that story. 1161 00:46:50.833 --> 00:46:53.083 - It's Ricky, right? - [Rod] Yeah. 1162 00:46:53.083 --> 00:46:57.375 I'm wondering, Ricky, are you always such a bust-out asshole, 1163 00:46:57.375 --> 00:46:58.791 right out of the gate? 1164 00:46:58.791 --> 00:47:00.416 Only when I'm talking to the type of guy 1165 00:47:00.416 --> 00:47:02.583 who can make a real difference in this world. 1166 00:47:02.583 --> 00:47:04.916 Ted, Ricky's been working overseas 1167 00:47:04.916 --> 00:47:07.041 for the last decade on non-profits. 1168 00:47:07.041 --> 00:47:10.333 So at least he walks the walk. 1169 00:47:10.958 --> 00:47:13.208 Well, that's nice, 1170 00:47:13.208 --> 00:47:16.541 but he's obviously getting his financial information 1171 00:47:16.541 --> 00:47:17.875 from 'The Huffington Post'. 1172 00:47:17.875 --> 00:47:19.458 No, actually, I've been reading 1173 00:47:19.458 --> 00:47:20.916 the 'San Francisco Chronicle' lately. 1174 00:47:20.916 --> 00:47:21.916 I've been following 1175 00:47:21.916 --> 00:47:23.333 your potential merger with World River. 1176 00:47:23.333 --> 00:47:24.875 It's interesting, unexpected. 1177 00:47:26.041 --> 00:47:27.958 Okay, hey, uh, there's a ton of people inside 1178 00:47:27.958 --> 00:47:30.250 - that still wanna meet you. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1179 00:47:30.250 --> 00:47:31.500 I'd like to hear this. 1180 00:47:32.583 --> 00:47:34.500 Unexpected, how? 1181 00:47:34.500 --> 00:47:36.375 [Rod] Oh, come on. 1182 00:47:36.375 --> 00:47:38.750 They're the yin, and you got that big old yang. 1183 00:47:38.750 --> 00:47:40.250 It's a perfect fit. 1184 00:47:40.250 --> 00:47:42.166 In what way? 1185 00:47:42.166 --> 00:47:46.000 Well, you're old school. They're new age. 1186 00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:48.666 You got common sense, but they got radical new ideas. 1187 00:47:48.666 --> 00:47:50.166 For my money, I'm going common sense 1188 00:47:50.166 --> 00:47:51.625 over radical new ideas all day. 1189 00:47:51.625 --> 00:47:53.750 I'm sure the people in Portland and San Francisco agree. 1190 00:47:53.750 --> 00:47:55.250 And that's what makes you guys great. 1191 00:47:55.250 --> 00:47:57.000 But they're pretty good too. 1192 00:47:57.000 --> 00:48:00.041 But, together, you guys would be unstoppable. 1193 00:48:00.958 --> 00:48:03.541 This merger could make a real difference in this world, Ted. 1194 00:48:03.541 --> 00:48:04.791 A real difference. 1195 00:48:06.250 --> 00:48:07.916 Yin and yang, huh? 1196 00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:11.666 Oh, don't mind if I do. Thanks. 1197 00:48:16.916 --> 00:48:19.208 Where the hell did you hear about the World River deal? 1198 00:48:19.208 --> 00:48:20.750 They were all over your Twitter. 1199 00:48:20.750 --> 00:48:22.125 I just did a little research. 1200 00:48:22.125 --> 00:48:23.833 What are you doing on my Twitter? 1201 00:48:23.833 --> 00:48:25.708 Dean, I told you I'm an actor. 1202 00:48:25.708 --> 00:48:27.041 When I walk into a room, 1203 00:48:27.041 --> 00:48:28.666 I want to know exactly where I came from 1204 00:48:28.666 --> 00:48:30.875 and what every single person in that room's been doing. 1205 00:48:30.875 --> 00:48:32.666 That's what all the greats do. 1206 00:48:32.666 --> 00:48:34.166 Matt Damon actually bought a zoo 1207 00:48:34.166 --> 00:48:35.583 before he filmed 'We Bought a Zoo'. 1208 00:48:35.583 --> 00:48:37.041 I don't think that's true. 1209 00:48:37.041 --> 00:48:39.000 You don't believe me? Take it up with Reddit. 1210 00:48:39.500 --> 00:48:41.583 Oh, if you'll excuse me, 1211 00:48:41.583 --> 00:48:43.125 I got to go have a word with Keith. 1212 00:48:43.125 --> 00:48:45.583 What? How do you know Keith?! 1213 00:48:46.666 --> 00:48:50.416 We're in a weird love-triangle thing. 1214 00:48:51.875 --> 00:48:55.541 Look, all I'm saying is I hope there's no hard feelings. 1215 00:48:55.541 --> 00:48:57.458 Because let's face it, you won. 1216 00:48:58.291 --> 00:48:59.541 But I'm happy for you. 1217 00:48:59.541 --> 00:49:01.166 You guys make a fabulous couple. 1218 00:49:01.166 --> 00:49:03.041 I'm done with his ass. 1219 00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:07.166 Look, I still love the guy, 1220 00:49:07.166 --> 00:49:09.000 but I'm tired of working 60 hours a week 1221 00:49:09.000 --> 00:49:11.916 while he sits around not doing anything to improve himself. 1222 00:49:11.916 --> 00:49:13.208 I just... 1223 00:49:13.875 --> 00:49:16.083 I can't be with a person like that anymore. 1224 00:49:17.166 --> 00:49:19.166 What... what about his writing? That's work. 1225 00:49:19.166 --> 00:49:20.958 What writing? 1226 00:49:20.958 --> 00:49:22.583 The book he's working on. 1227 00:49:23.208 --> 00:49:26.000 He never told me he was writing a book. 1228 00:49:26.958 --> 00:49:29.291 He sure looks a lot older than you guys. 1229 00:49:29.291 --> 00:49:30.541 - Really? - Mmm. 1230 00:49:30.541 --> 00:49:32.500 Yeah, well, he is, by a couple years. 1231 00:49:32.500 --> 00:49:35.375 You know, we were like little brothers to him. 1232 00:49:35.375 --> 00:49:39.791 Hmm, no, I mean, like more than a couple of years. 1233 00:49:40.375 --> 00:49:42.000 Well, it's because of the drugs - he... 1234 00:49:42.000 --> 00:49:44.000 You know, he was a huge partier, back in the day. 1235 00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:45.791 I mean, like hard drugs. 1236 00:49:45.791 --> 00:49:48.083 Huffing glue. Like, the works. 1237 00:49:48.583 --> 00:49:50.875 I mean, that'll suck the youth right out of your face. 1238 00:49:50.875 --> 00:49:51.875 It does. 1239 00:49:52.416 --> 00:49:53.916 Yeah, that was all before he went on 1240 00:49:53.916 --> 00:49:55.791 - the straight and narrow. - Hmm. 1241 00:49:56.416 --> 00:49:58.916 Oh, look at them. Look how happy they are. 1242 00:49:58.916 --> 00:50:01.208 - [JT] I told you. - [Rabbi] It's an easy thing. 1243 00:50:01.208 --> 00:50:03.333 - [Dean] I don't see happiness. - [Erin] What? 1244 00:50:03.333 --> 00:50:05.625 I see fear and anxiety. 1245 00:50:05.625 --> 00:50:07.333 Fear of what? 1246 00:50:07.333 --> 00:50:09.000 [Dean] Of the responsibility of it all. 1247 00:50:09.000 --> 00:50:10.500 What do they even get out of it? 1248 00:50:10.500 --> 00:50:12.833 What do they get out of having a family? 1249 00:50:12.833 --> 00:50:14.125 - Yeah. - Come on. 1250 00:50:14.125 --> 00:50:17.375 I mean, I get it on paper. Sure, right. 1251 00:50:17.375 --> 00:50:20.666 But in reality, having a kid is fear and anxiety 1252 00:50:20.666 --> 00:50:22.625 with periodic moments of crushing pain. 1253 00:50:23.958 --> 00:50:25.708 And then you get bitter and resentful 1254 00:50:25.708 --> 00:50:28.333 and eventually just... mean. 1255 00:50:30.375 --> 00:50:32.541 At least that's how it was at my house. 1256 00:50:33.750 --> 00:50:35.500 You realize that's the most you've ever 1257 00:50:35.500 --> 00:50:37.000 told me about your childhood? 1258 00:50:38.625 --> 00:50:41.041 [Rod] Look, he is kind of lost right now, 1259 00:50:41.041 --> 00:50:43.291 but just give him a little time, he'll figure it out. 1260 00:50:44.208 --> 00:50:46.291 I've given him plenty of time. 1261 00:50:47.000 --> 00:50:49.750 I think you need to step back in, Ricky. 1262 00:50:49.750 --> 00:50:51.416 Be there for him. 1263 00:50:51.416 --> 00:50:53.500 Ease the blow a little when I drop him. 1264 00:50:53.500 --> 00:50:55.416 Oh, hey, Keith, slow down. 1265 00:50:55.416 --> 00:50:57.125 Take it from me, relationships like yours, 1266 00:50:57.125 --> 00:50:58.625 they don't come around that often. 1267 00:50:58.625 --> 00:50:59.625 They just don't. 1268 00:50:59.625 --> 00:51:01.833 My own mother was married six times. 1269 00:51:01.833 --> 00:51:03.458 She never found happiness. 1270 00:51:03.458 --> 00:51:04.875 An incredible sex life, 1271 00:51:04.875 --> 00:51:06.791 but she was filled up with everything but joy. 1272 00:51:07.583 --> 00:51:09.791 You really want to give up on this? 1273 00:51:09.791 --> 00:51:11.625 May not come back around. 1274 00:51:16.166 --> 00:51:17.541 Ricky! 1275 00:51:18.416 --> 00:51:20.916 I understand you spent a lot of time in Kenya 1276 00:51:20.916 --> 00:51:23.041 working with the Give Green organization. 1277 00:51:23.041 --> 00:51:25.833 Yeah, yeah, good peeps. 1278 00:51:25.833 --> 00:51:27.375 Green peeps, yeah. 1279 00:51:27.375 --> 00:51:29.916 I'm interested in what your experience was there, 1280 00:51:29.916 --> 00:51:31.875 because, you know, I've been reading up on them 1281 00:51:31.875 --> 00:51:35.000 and they're a really intriguing organization. 1282 00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:36.166 Yeah, you know what? 1283 00:51:36.166 --> 00:51:38.458 I was just trying to find one of those cheese-puff trays. 1284 00:51:38.458 --> 00:51:40.750 - I'll show you where they are. - Right, but before you do, 1285 00:51:40.750 --> 00:51:42.291 can you tell me about Charlie Sennet? 1286 00:51:42.291 --> 00:51:43.291 Huh? 1287 00:51:43.291 --> 00:51:47.125 Charlie Sennet, the journalist who started Give Green 1288 00:51:47.125 --> 00:51:48.416 and is still hands on. 1289 00:51:48.416 --> 00:51:50.625 I mean, did you get to meet him? 1290 00:51:50.625 --> 00:51:52.500 What do you think of his mission statement? 1291 00:51:52.500 --> 00:51:53.833 Is it tenable? 1292 00:51:53.833 --> 00:51:56.541 Oh, yeah, of course it's tenable. 1293 00:51:56.541 --> 00:51:57.833 Elevenable, twelveable... 1294 00:51:57.833 --> 00:51:59.500 I mean, it's infinite really, right? 1295 00:51:59.500 --> 00:52:00.500 [Leona] Ha-ha. 1296 00:52:00.500 --> 00:52:02.000 I mean, I'm intrigued by their policy 1297 00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:03.833 of direct charitable donations. 1298 00:52:03.833 --> 00:52:05.333 You know, personally, I think 1299 00:52:05.333 --> 00:52:07.583 donations need to be conditional. 1300 00:52:07.583 --> 00:52:09.500 What do you think? 1301 00:52:10.166 --> 00:52:11.333 [Dean] Uh, you know what? 1302 00:52:11.333 --> 00:52:12.875 It's group photo time. Group photo time. 1303 00:52:12.875 --> 00:52:14.791 Group photo! Come on, let's make some memories! 1304 00:52:14.791 --> 00:52:15.833 Yeah. Yeah. 1305 00:52:15.833 --> 00:52:17.958 You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you, Ricky? 1306 00:52:17.958 --> 00:52:20.375 Maybe he just doesn't want to talk shop at a bris, Leona. 1307 00:52:20.375 --> 00:52:22.916 Or maybe he's a fraud. Are you a fraud, sir? 1308 00:52:23.791 --> 00:52:25.875 [cool jazz piano music plays] 1309 00:52:28.708 --> 00:52:30.708 [piano music intensifies] 1310 00:52:36.291 --> 00:52:37.958 I'll tell you what's fraudulent, Leona. 1311 00:52:37.958 --> 00:52:38.958 Yeah? 1312 00:52:38.958 --> 00:52:40.791 The perception that the program at Give Green 1313 00:52:40.791 --> 00:52:42.166 needs to be conditional. 1314 00:52:42.166 --> 00:52:44.125 They choose to offer unconditional cash transfers 1315 00:52:44.125 --> 00:52:45.208 for two reasons. 1316 00:52:45.208 --> 00:52:47.875 First, empowering poor people to make their own choices? 1317 00:52:47.875 --> 00:52:50.041 Well, that advances their core value of respect. 1318 00:52:50.041 --> 00:52:52.041 Second, imposing conditions requires 1319 00:52:52.041 --> 00:52:54.458 expensive monitoring and enforcement structures 1320 00:52:54.458 --> 00:52:57.166 that could raise administrative costs as high as 63%. 1321 00:52:57.666 --> 00:52:59.750 The existing empirical evidence comparing the impact 1322 00:52:59.750 --> 00:53:02.125 of conditional to unconditional cash transfers 1323 00:53:02.125 --> 00:53:03.875 shows that these added costs 1324 00:53:03.875 --> 00:53:06.166 simply do not produce commensurate benefits. 1325 00:53:08.125 --> 00:53:10.458 I wonder where those cheese-puff trays went off to. 1326 00:53:11.500 --> 00:53:14.000 [cool jazz piano music plays] 1327 00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:17.708 [hushed chattering] 1328 00:53:19.166 --> 00:53:20.791 Did you want a cheese puff, Leona? 1329 00:53:20.791 --> 00:53:22.041 [piano music outro plays] 1330 00:53:22.041 --> 00:53:23.541 No, thank you. 1331 00:53:26.416 --> 00:53:27.583 Huh, so what are these? 1332 00:53:27.583 --> 00:53:29.166 Glazed dates stuffed with Asiago cheese 1333 00:53:29.166 --> 00:53:30.166 and pickled herring. 1334 00:53:30.166 --> 00:53:31.875 Don't mind if I don't. 1335 00:53:31.875 --> 00:53:32.958 No problem. 1336 00:53:34.625 --> 00:53:36.666 - That was amazing. - Unbelievable. 1337 00:53:36.666 --> 00:53:38.458 Where the hell did you learn all that stuff? 1338 00:53:38.458 --> 00:53:40.333 Gotta buy the zoo, baby. 1339 00:53:40.333 --> 00:53:41.958 What? Who's that...? 1340 00:53:41.958 --> 00:53:43.541 Gary Polisner's here. 1341 00:53:44.041 --> 00:53:48.041 $8,000. It's on lease, but that's how much it's worth. 1342 00:53:48.041 --> 00:53:49.208 Oh. 1343 00:53:49.208 --> 00:53:50.750 Hey, Polisner! 1344 00:53:51.375 --> 00:53:54.708 Hey! Well you move along, I'll talk to you later on. 1345 00:53:54.708 --> 00:53:56.333 Get over here, hey? 1346 00:53:56.333 --> 00:53:58.541 Had to park my Cybertruck in the next county. 1347 00:53:58.541 --> 00:54:00.416 What, you too cheap for a valet? 1348 00:54:00.416 --> 00:54:01.708 [laughing] 1349 00:54:01.708 --> 00:54:04.041 - Crap! I know that guy. - What? What guy? 1350 00:54:04.041 --> 00:54:05.791 The guy standing with Hairy Krishna. 1351 00:54:06.625 --> 00:54:08.416 I saved you a bagel with lox. 1352 00:54:08.416 --> 00:54:10.958 I asked for an everything bagel. That's a nothing bagel. 1353 00:54:11.458 --> 00:54:13.500 Hey, you got any booze in this place? 1354 00:54:13.500 --> 00:54:14.500 Yeah. 1355 00:54:14.500 --> 00:54:16.458 [Gary] Let me guess, it's a cash bar. [laughs] 1356 00:54:16.458 --> 00:54:17.958 Oh, shit! 1357 00:54:17.958 --> 00:54:19.541 Go up the stairs. Go into the garage. 1358 00:54:19.541 --> 00:54:21.583 Just get in there. Don't come out until I tell you. 1359 00:54:21.583 --> 00:54:22.958 All right? Go, go, go, go, go. 1360 00:54:22.958 --> 00:54:24.291 Fuck. 1361 00:54:24.291 --> 00:54:26.250 And as you can tell, I actually don't sweat... 1362 00:54:26.250 --> 00:54:27.750 [JT] What the fuck are you saying? 1363 00:54:27.750 --> 00:54:29.708 Ricky knows Polisner. 1364 00:54:29.708 --> 00:54:31.791 - How? - How the hell do I know? 1365 00:54:31.791 --> 00:54:34.125 They're both actors. Maybe they crossed paths somehow. 1366 00:54:34.125 --> 00:54:35.750 We got to get Polisner out of here. 1367 00:54:35.750 --> 00:54:37.208 He just got here. 1368 00:54:38.625 --> 00:54:39.875 Goddamn it. 1369 00:54:39.875 --> 00:54:41.583 We could put him in a K-hole. 1370 00:54:41.583 --> 00:54:42.625 What's that? 1371 00:54:43.125 --> 00:54:44.375 Dose him with ketamine. 1372 00:54:44.875 --> 00:54:47.333 Yeah, great idea. I'll just run down to CVS and grab a bottle. 1373 00:54:47.333 --> 00:54:48.666 No need. 1374 00:54:49.958 --> 00:54:51.916 Why the hell do you have ketamine? 1375 00:54:53.333 --> 00:54:56.583 Well, sometimes after a hard day, you... 1376 00:54:57.250 --> 00:54:58.875 You K-hole yourself. 1377 00:54:58.875 --> 00:55:01.041 I could see that. Where do you get these things? 1378 00:55:01.041 --> 00:55:02.583 - My grandmother died. - Guys! 1379 00:55:02.583 --> 00:55:03.958 We're not K-holing anyone. 1380 00:55:03.958 --> 00:55:06.083 Stop being such a fucking wang, Dean. Okay? 1381 00:55:06.083 --> 00:55:07.625 We're going to get him a little drowsy 1382 00:55:07.625 --> 00:55:09.250 and then put him in a cab. 1383 00:55:09.250 --> 00:55:10.541 Are you guys serious right now? 1384 00:55:10.541 --> 00:55:12.291 You want to drug the Red Robin guy? 1385 00:55:12.291 --> 00:55:14.833 What other fucking choice do we have? 1386 00:55:14.833 --> 00:55:18.041 "Seconds on steak fries? Uh, yeah!" 1387 00:55:18.041 --> 00:55:20.875 First take. Everyone applauded. That's the one they used, too. 1388 00:55:20.875 --> 00:55:21.916 [Summerhayes groans] 1389 00:55:22.833 --> 00:55:25.833 Fuck it. Let's K-hole the prick. 1390 00:55:25.833 --> 00:55:28.625 - [Dean] This is it. - [JT] Yep, let's go. Let's go. 1391 00:55:28.625 --> 00:55:30.125 [loud exclaiming] 1392 00:55:30.125 --> 00:55:31.500 - [Wes] All right. - [Dean] No way! 1393 00:55:31.500 --> 00:55:33.666 [JT] That's right, I hit. That's right, I hit. 1394 00:55:33.666 --> 00:55:35.583 - Let's go for two. - He's got you believing. 1395 00:55:35.583 --> 00:55:36.875 Come on, baby. Come on! 1396 00:55:36.875 --> 00:55:38.291 Bad throw. Bad throw. 1397 00:55:38.291 --> 00:55:40.166 Bad throw! Dude, your foot came off the couch. 1398 00:55:40.166 --> 00:55:42.625 - Oh, hey, Gare. - Oh, hey, Dean, what's up? 1399 00:55:42.625 --> 00:55:45.708 Hey, uh, you guys seen my Red Robin commercial yet? 1400 00:55:45.708 --> 00:55:47.791 - We did. Yeah, we did. - Yeah. Shit went national. 1401 00:55:47.791 --> 00:55:48.833 Yeah, I love that. 1402 00:55:48.833 --> 00:55:51.416 Thinking of getting me a sweet kimono dragon. 1403 00:55:51.416 --> 00:55:53.500 Isn't it 'komodo'? 1404 00:55:53.500 --> 00:55:55.416 No, not the one I'm getting, right? 1405 00:55:55.416 --> 00:55:57.750 - Oh, yeah! - [Gary] Off market. All cash. 1406 00:55:57.750 --> 00:56:00.875 - What are you losers doing? - We're playing a game 1407 00:56:00.875 --> 00:56:02.583 where if you catch three peanuts in a row, 1408 00:56:02.583 --> 00:56:04.333 you get 20 bucks from each of us. 1409 00:56:04.333 --> 00:56:05.375 Why, you want in? 1410 00:56:06.125 --> 00:56:07.666 - Fuck yeah! - Oh? 1411 00:56:07.666 --> 00:56:09.250 - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - Okay. 1412 00:56:09.250 --> 00:56:10.750 Man, I'll kick all your asses. 1413 00:56:10.750 --> 00:56:12.583 Step right up and get behind the hat. 1414 00:56:12.583 --> 00:56:14.541 - [JT] No cheating. - [Gary] I got this. 1415 00:56:15.291 --> 00:56:16.583 - Here we go. - You focused? 1416 00:56:17.666 --> 00:56:19.750 - [JT] Whoa! - Whoa! Boom! 1417 00:56:19.750 --> 00:56:20.916 Wow! 1418 00:56:20.916 --> 00:56:22.458 Relax, Gare. Little bit of luck there. 1419 00:56:22.458 --> 00:56:23.541 - Okay. - [JT] Get low. 1420 00:56:25.541 --> 00:56:28.708 - Ohh! Yeah. - Ohh! Yes! 1421 00:56:28.708 --> 00:56:30.750 I'm just as good as Wes at catching nuts in my mouth. 1422 00:56:30.750 --> 00:56:32.833 Oh. Right. 'Cause I'm gay. 1423 00:56:32.833 --> 00:56:33.916 [laughing] Yeah. 1424 00:56:33.916 --> 00:56:35.583 [whispers] I'm so happy we're doing this. 1425 00:56:36.166 --> 00:56:37.791 Okay, this one's for all the marbles. 1426 00:56:37.791 --> 00:56:39.916 [JT] All right, Gary, let's go, buddy. You ready? 1427 00:56:39.916 --> 00:56:41.750 [Dean] Ready? One, two... 1428 00:56:42.416 --> 00:56:44.333 [in slow-motion] Three... 1429 00:56:45.791 --> 00:56:48.500 [triumphant music] 1430 00:57:06.500 --> 00:57:08.500 Ba-doomp-pow! All net! 1431 00:57:11.166 --> 00:57:13.041 I think I ate a bad one. 1432 00:57:13.666 --> 00:57:14.833 Bitter. 1433 00:57:15.958 --> 00:57:17.500 [Rabbi] My sweet boy. 1434 00:57:17.500 --> 00:57:21.000 May God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh. 1435 00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:24.416 May God bless you and watch over you. 1436 00:57:24.416 --> 00:57:26.166 Shouldn't we be stopping this? 1437 00:57:26.166 --> 00:57:29.083 Don't worry, we got about a half hour before it kicks in. 1438 00:57:31.958 --> 00:57:34.500 Hey, I figured out how I know him. 1439 00:57:34.500 --> 00:57:36.583 He's in those Red Robin commercials. 1440 00:57:36.583 --> 00:57:39.791 "Seconds on steak fries? Uh, yeah!" 1441 00:57:39.791 --> 00:57:41.708 Dude, that was great. You should be an actor. 1442 00:57:41.708 --> 00:57:43.500 So you guys have never met before? 1443 00:57:43.500 --> 00:57:45.666 - No, but... - Yeah, just a big fan. 1444 00:57:48.958 --> 00:57:51.458 - All right, it's time. - Okay. 1445 00:57:55.208 --> 00:57:57.541 [laughing] Oh... 1446 00:57:57.541 --> 00:57:59.166 we're going to need a steak knife. 1447 00:57:59.166 --> 00:58:00.208 Ha! 1448 00:58:01.375 --> 00:58:04.500 Wow! Is this his bris or his bar mitzvah? 1449 00:58:04.500 --> 00:58:05.666 [nervous chuckle] 1450 00:58:05.666 --> 00:58:08.833 Okay, little vinegar... Whitaker... 1451 00:58:09.875 --> 00:58:14.125 [Rabbi slurring] ...has skanctified us with the... 1452 00:58:14.916 --> 00:58:17.541 ...commandiments... com... condiments... 1453 00:58:18.625 --> 00:58:20.250 ...comma... commandments... 1454 00:58:20.250 --> 00:58:22.166 With the commander-ments. 1455 00:58:22.166 --> 00:58:24.166 With the commandments. Oy... 1456 00:58:24.750 --> 00:58:27.083 - [hushed chatter] - [woman] He's seems confused. 1457 00:58:28.833 --> 00:58:30.958 [whispers] What the hell? Is he drunk? 1458 00:58:30.958 --> 00:58:33.583 [whispers] I don't know. I saw him eat a peanut earlier. 1459 00:58:33.583 --> 00:58:35.083 Maybe he's having a reaction? 1460 00:58:35.083 --> 00:58:36.833 - Man, you said half an hour. - I don't know. 1461 00:58:36.833 --> 00:58:38.583 I think I might have developed a tolerance. 1462 00:58:40.250 --> 00:58:41.500 Okay. 1463 00:58:42.791 --> 00:58:44.708 [Rabbi slurring] And he hasht given us 1464 00:58:44.708 --> 00:58:46.666 the command to... 1465 00:58:46.666 --> 00:58:47.958 circumvision! 1466 00:58:47.958 --> 00:58:50.083 [people gasping] 1467 00:58:50.083 --> 00:58:53.333 Hi, fishy-fishy! Oh, to fishy-fishy! 1468 00:58:53.333 --> 00:58:56.708 Mommy, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. 1469 00:58:56.708 --> 00:58:58.291 [Susan] Oh, my God! 1470 00:58:58.291 --> 00:59:00.125 Oh, my God! He's allergic to peanuts. 1471 00:59:00.125 --> 00:59:01.333 What did she say? 1472 00:59:01.333 --> 00:59:03.208 She said he's allergic to penis. 1473 00:59:03.208 --> 00:59:04.916 Oh, he's certainly in the wrong business. 1474 00:59:04.916 --> 00:59:06.375 Ba-doomp-pow! 1475 00:59:06.375 --> 00:59:07.916 Oh, my God. 1476 00:59:07.916 --> 00:59:09.916 He's only half circumcised. 1477 00:59:09.916 --> 00:59:11.416 Take the kid to the hospital. 1478 00:59:11.416 --> 00:59:14.291 - Yes, definitely a hospital. - I could call an ambulance. 1479 00:59:14.291 --> 00:59:16.041 No, this has to be done now. 1480 00:59:16.041 --> 00:59:17.666 Let Ricky finish it. 1481 00:59:17.666 --> 00:59:20.166 Ricky? What? No! No. Are you insane? 1482 00:59:20.166 --> 00:59:22.333 He used to work for Bono's foundation in Africa, 1483 00:59:22.333 --> 00:59:23.541 circumcising adults. 1484 00:59:23.541 --> 00:59:24.750 Aw. 1485 00:59:25.458 --> 00:59:28.958 Yeah, he did. But that was so long ago. 1486 00:59:28.958 --> 00:59:30.958 Plus, it's got to be way easier to circumcise 1487 00:59:30.958 --> 00:59:33.166 a gorgeous African penis than a baby penis. 1488 00:59:33.166 --> 00:59:34.791 You would think. 1489 00:59:34.791 --> 00:59:36.166 I can do it. 1490 00:59:37.625 --> 00:59:40.875 Uh, Ricky... Ricky! This is a baby we're talking about. 1491 00:59:40.875 --> 00:59:43.583 A real baby. Are you sure? 1492 00:59:43.583 --> 00:59:46.000 Yeah. Yeah. It's not like I'm cutting a diamond. 1493 00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:49.750 I'm sure I can pull it off. Pun intended. 1494 00:59:49.750 --> 00:59:52.500 No. No! We need a certified mohel, right? 1495 00:59:52.500 --> 00:59:54.541 - Right. - I'll just look one up on Yelp. 1496 00:59:54.541 --> 00:59:56.083 What? No! No Yelping. 1497 00:59:56.083 --> 00:59:59.208 No, we already have a mohel. He's already said the tefilah. 1498 00:59:59.208 --> 01:00:01.708 We just need to let Ricky finish it off. 1499 01:00:01.708 --> 01:00:03.750 Mom, no, I'm going to take him to a hospital, 1500 01:00:03.750 --> 01:00:05.250 where doctors work. 1501 01:00:05.250 --> 01:00:07.166 Does anyone here care that my grandson 1502 01:00:07.166 --> 01:00:09.291 is laying there half circumcised? 1503 01:00:09.291 --> 01:00:11.125 [snipping] And we're done! 1504 01:00:11.125 --> 01:00:13.458 [gasping] 1505 01:00:14.291 --> 01:00:16.000 Just a little off the ol' Tiparillo. 1506 01:00:17.166 --> 01:00:18.583 - Huh. - [Rod] Who's next? 1507 01:00:18.583 --> 01:00:20.833 Summerhayes, get over here so I can snip off that turtleneck. 1508 01:00:20.833 --> 01:00:23.291 Stanicky, you are unbelievable. 1509 01:00:23.291 --> 01:00:26.041 - All right, this is yours. - No. 1510 01:00:26.041 --> 01:00:29.166 Oh, my God, Ricky! 1511 01:00:29.166 --> 01:00:32.041 - [people applauding] - [nervous chuckling] 1512 01:00:35.750 --> 01:00:36.875 Yes! 1513 01:00:36.875 --> 01:00:39.916 Ricky Stanicky, you are even better than advertized. 1514 01:00:39.916 --> 01:00:41.875 Ah, Susan, it's just a pleasure to help you out. 1515 01:00:41.875 --> 01:00:44.208 By the way, the kid's got a good-looking schmeckel on him. 1516 01:00:44.208 --> 01:00:46.375 Real hog barrel. He's going to have some fun with that thing. 1517 01:00:46.375 --> 01:00:47.375 [laughter] 1518 01:00:47.375 --> 01:00:48.916 - Takes after his papa. - [Rod] Yeah. 1519 01:00:48.916 --> 01:00:50.666 Ricky, do you really have to leave already? 1520 01:00:50.666 --> 01:00:52.166 Can't you just stay one more night? 1521 01:00:52.166 --> 01:00:54.458 I would love to, Carlsbad... 1522 01:00:55.541 --> 01:00:56.916 ...but I got to go. 1523 01:00:56.916 --> 01:00:57.958 [Susan and JT] Aw... 1524 01:00:57.958 --> 01:01:00.458 He's going to Nairobi to help out with the Ebola situation. 1525 01:01:00.458 --> 01:01:01.500 - Yeah. - Oh. 1526 01:01:01.500 --> 01:01:02.500 Nairobi? 1527 01:01:02.500 --> 01:01:04.791 Yeah. I goes where I's needed. 1528 01:01:04.791 --> 01:01:05.958 [men chanting] Ricky! Ricky! 1529 01:01:05.958 --> 01:01:07.125 [laughing] Those guys. 1530 01:01:09.291 --> 01:01:10.583 Well... 1531 01:01:10.583 --> 01:01:12.166 [light laughter] 1532 01:01:13.333 --> 01:01:14.708 [Susan] Oh, man. 1533 01:01:14.708 --> 01:01:16.333 - Okay, bye, Ricky. - [Wes] One of a kind. 1534 01:01:16.333 --> 01:01:18.333 - I'll see you inside. - I'll see you in a minute. 1535 01:01:18.333 --> 01:01:19.625 I'm going to help with the baby. 1536 01:01:19.625 --> 01:01:20.666 Okay. 1537 01:01:23.291 --> 01:01:25.083 That was amazing. Incredible. 1538 01:01:25.083 --> 01:01:26.291 You are a legend. 1539 01:01:26.291 --> 01:01:28.291 That was world class, Rod. 1540 01:01:28.291 --> 01:01:29.333 It's Ricky. 1541 01:01:29.333 --> 01:01:31.000 [all laugh] 1542 01:01:33.291 --> 01:01:35.416 - Yeah... - Right. 1543 01:01:35.416 --> 01:01:37.500 Well, here's your dough. 1544 01:01:37.500 --> 01:01:38.833 Uh, we put some extra in there 1545 01:01:38.833 --> 01:01:40.583 just 'cause you knocked it out of the park, man. 1546 01:01:40.583 --> 01:01:41.583 - Yes you did. - Yeah. 1547 01:01:41.583 --> 01:01:43.083 Where did you learn to circumcise? 1548 01:01:43.083 --> 01:01:46.875 Oh, had a job peeling shrimp at Beefsteak Charlie's. 1549 01:01:46.875 --> 01:01:48.708 [chuckles awkwardly] Okay. 1550 01:01:48.708 --> 01:01:50.541 ["Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" ringtone plays] 1551 01:01:50.541 --> 01:01:52.666 - Oh, you blowing up, huh? - [ringtone continues] 1552 01:01:52.666 --> 01:01:54.208 Are you going to get that, or...? 1553 01:01:54.208 --> 01:01:55.500 [phone bleeps, ringtone stops] 1554 01:01:55.500 --> 01:01:58.166 No. That's just a crazy fan. 1555 01:01:58.166 --> 01:01:59.750 Well, now you got three crazy fans. 1556 01:01:59.750 --> 01:02:00.833 That's right. 1557 01:02:01.875 --> 01:02:03.166 You guys take care. 1558 01:02:03.166 --> 01:02:04.666 - You too! - Yeah, you too. 1559 01:02:04.666 --> 01:02:06.500 - We'll be fine. You take care. - Yeah, please. 1560 01:02:06.500 --> 01:02:08.125 If you're ever in Atlantic City... 1561 01:02:08.125 --> 01:02:09.916 - Possibly. - We'll let you know. 1562 01:02:09.916 --> 01:02:11.416 We'll definitely let you know. 1563 01:02:12.291 --> 01:02:14.125 [engine idling] 1564 01:02:15.375 --> 01:02:16.875 He's good to go. 1565 01:02:16.875 --> 01:02:18.291 - [Dean] Thanks, Rod. - Thank you. 1566 01:02:18.291 --> 01:02:19.541 It's Ricky. 1567 01:02:23.375 --> 01:02:25.125 [JT chuckles] 1568 01:02:25.125 --> 01:02:27.208 - [sighs heavily] Whew! - Yeah! 1569 01:02:27.208 --> 01:02:29.166 - I'm hungry, man. - [JT] Let's feed you. 1570 01:02:29.166 --> 01:02:30.500 [laughter] 1571 01:02:30.500 --> 01:02:32.083 [Wes] I can't believe it worked! 1572 01:02:32.083 --> 01:02:34.458 I can't believe it actually fucking worked. 1573 01:02:34.458 --> 01:02:36.000 As much of a nut job as Rod is... 1574 01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:38.833 - Uh, it's Ricky. - Oh, sorry, Ricky. 1575 01:02:39.916 --> 01:02:42.166 But he came through. He actually came through. 1576 01:02:43.166 --> 01:02:44.458 So that's it, though, right? 1577 01:02:44.458 --> 01:02:45.916 - Yep. - No more Ricky Stanicky. 1578 01:02:45.916 --> 01:02:48.333 No, we are never mentioning his name ever again. 1579 01:02:48.333 --> 01:02:50.375 It was fun while it lasted. Right? Okay. 1580 01:02:50.375 --> 01:02:53.416 But it's time to get off that rollercoaster once and for all. 1581 01:02:53.416 --> 01:02:56.083 Yep. Ride's over, folks! Please exit to your left! 1582 01:02:56.083 --> 01:02:57.666 Please check for your belongings! 1583 01:02:57.666 --> 01:03:00.375 You gotta be this tall to ride this ride. 1584 01:03:00.375 --> 01:03:02.208 Wes, you always do one too many, man. 1585 01:03:02.208 --> 01:03:03.500 Fuck you. Is that one too many? 1586 01:03:03.500 --> 01:03:06.208 - Oh, it is. That is too many. - Guys, guys, guys. Guys. 1587 01:03:06.208 --> 01:03:09.708 For the very last time, a toast... 1588 01:03:09.708 --> 01:03:11.333 To Ricky Stanicky. 1589 01:03:11.333 --> 01:03:13.416 [Wes and JT] To Ricky Stanicky! 1590 01:03:13.416 --> 01:03:15.125 Best friend we never had. 1591 01:03:15.125 --> 01:03:16.125 [glasses clinking] 1592 01:03:18.291 --> 01:03:20.333 - You got some on your arm. - Hoo! 1593 01:03:22.250 --> 01:03:24.541 [JT] I mean, it's my newborn son, you know, 1594 01:03:24.541 --> 01:03:26.083 it's like this bonding thing. 1595 01:03:26.083 --> 01:03:27.791 If anybody else had pissed on me, 1596 01:03:27.791 --> 01:03:29.375 I'd be totally grossed out. 1597 01:03:29.375 --> 01:03:30.791 What about if it was Susan? 1598 01:03:30.791 --> 01:03:32.000 Eew! 1599 01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:35.083 Hey, guys, grab a cup of coffee and get in here. 1600 01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:37.041 Yes! 1601 01:03:37.041 --> 01:03:39.416 Yesterday was a real kick. 1602 01:03:39.416 --> 01:03:41.125 It was nice spending time with you guys 1603 01:03:41.125 --> 01:03:42.291 outside the boiler room. 1604 01:03:42.291 --> 01:03:43.541 - Mm-hm. - It is. 1605 01:03:43.541 --> 01:03:45.041 Who doesn't love a good bris, right? 1606 01:03:45.041 --> 01:03:47.333 Right! We should do it all the time. 1607 01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:51.125 - Have a bris? - Hang out. We should hang... 1608 01:03:51.125 --> 01:03:54.750 By the way, your wife, Miriam, she's amazing. 1609 01:03:54.750 --> 01:03:57.291 - Just fantastic. - A lovely, lovely woman. 1610 01:03:57.291 --> 01:04:00.000 Thanks. She liked you guys too. 1611 01:04:00.000 --> 01:04:03.166 And she was really taken with your friend Stanicky. 1612 01:04:03.166 --> 01:04:06.791 He's got brass balls on him, that guy. 1613 01:04:06.791 --> 01:04:08.583 She loved how in my face he was. 1614 01:04:08.583 --> 01:04:09.625 Really? 1615 01:04:09.625 --> 01:04:11.458 Yeah, he'll give it to you, man, that guy. 1616 01:04:11.458 --> 01:04:12.916 - That's Ricky. - Yeah. He'll... 1617 01:04:12.916 --> 01:04:15.000 - Just... he's a character. - He is a character. 1618 01:04:15.000 --> 01:04:17.166 - A powerful creature, man. - He sure is. 1619 01:04:17.166 --> 01:04:18.666 That's why I hired him. 1620 01:04:18.666 --> 01:04:20.250 - Mm-hm. - Awesome. 1621 01:04:20.250 --> 01:04:21.750 What the fuck did you just say? 1622 01:04:22.875 --> 01:04:24.750 What the fuck did you just say? 1623 01:04:25.791 --> 01:04:29.250 I just said, "Awesome." 1624 01:04:29.250 --> 01:04:30.750 That's awesome. 1625 01:04:30.750 --> 01:04:32.416 You just said... 1626 01:04:32.416 --> 01:04:34.208 What did you say? Just say it one more time? 1627 01:04:34.208 --> 01:04:38.208 Ricky gave me his number and when I got home, I called him. 1628 01:04:38.208 --> 01:04:40.166 I got him right before he got on the plane too. 1629 01:04:40.166 --> 01:04:41.875 He came over to my place. 1630 01:04:41.875 --> 01:04:44.458 We were up till 4 a.m. banging out a deal. 1631 01:04:44.458 --> 01:04:46.291 The buff guy? 1632 01:04:46.291 --> 01:04:48.375 The guy who wore the safari outfit to my son's bris 1633 01:04:48.375 --> 01:04:50.000 and circumcised him with a cigar cutter? 1634 01:04:50.000 --> 01:04:51.666 - You banged out a deal? - Yes. 1635 01:04:51.666 --> 01:04:53.333 I hired Ricky Stanicky. 1636 01:04:53.958 --> 01:04:56.333 Wow! Wow! 1637 01:04:56.333 --> 01:04:59.500 But do you think... like, he has the experience 1638 01:04:59.500 --> 01:05:01.583 - to be working here? - Yeah, does he, ya think? 1639 01:05:01.583 --> 01:05:03.750 Nah, whatever he lacks in experience, 1640 01:05:03.750 --> 01:05:07.583 he more than makes up for with piss and vinegar. 1641 01:05:07.583 --> 01:05:10.250 I loved his take on the World River deal. 1642 01:05:10.250 --> 01:05:12.083 - But that's... - Not his take, really. 1643 01:05:12.083 --> 01:05:13.958 Yeah, that's just what he read in the news. 1644 01:05:13.958 --> 01:05:15.083 Uh-huh. 1645 01:05:15.083 --> 01:05:17.708 You can stop playing games, guys. 1646 01:05:17.708 --> 01:05:20.000 I know you've been recruiting him. 1647 01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:21.500 You don't think I noticed 1648 01:05:21.500 --> 01:05:25.833 that JT expensed three rounds of golf at Carnegie Abbey 1649 01:05:25.833 --> 01:05:27.500 in the last couple of months? 1650 01:05:29.416 --> 01:05:31.750 That was two rounds, I think... 1651 01:05:31.750 --> 01:05:33.750 B-because we were... we were... 1652 01:05:33.750 --> 01:05:36.041 - We were recruiting him. - Recruiting him. 1653 01:05:36.041 --> 01:05:37.541 And we decided... 1654 01:05:37.541 --> 01:05:39.416 - Not... not good. - Not Summerhayes material. 1655 01:05:39.416 --> 01:05:40.625 Yeah, he just doesn't... 1656 01:05:40.625 --> 01:05:42.416 [JT] I don't think he's right for this place. 1657 01:05:42.416 --> 01:05:44.375 Hey! Speak of the devil. 1658 01:05:45.083 --> 01:05:48.833 [mellow funk music] 1659 01:05:52.791 --> 01:05:53.791 Okay. 1660 01:05:53.791 --> 01:05:54.875 - Oh, Philip. - Yeah? 1661 01:05:54.875 --> 01:05:58.166 I was hoping to see something in a mahogany or a birch. 1662 01:05:58.166 --> 01:06:02.333 I believe this is Carolina pine. That's a shit wood. 1663 01:06:03.083 --> 01:06:05.666 Okay. Uh... shit wood... 1664 01:06:05.666 --> 01:06:07.041 Philip, can we have a sec? 1665 01:06:07.041 --> 01:06:08.583 Yes. Please. 1666 01:06:09.333 --> 01:06:11.291 [Rod] Oh, and for these walls, 1667 01:06:11.291 --> 01:06:14.291 I'd love to see something in more of a ham color. 1668 01:06:15.166 --> 01:06:16.791 Right. 1669 01:06:19.708 --> 01:06:21.708 What the fuck do you think you're doing here? 1670 01:06:21.708 --> 01:06:24.166 This is unbelievable. How cool is this, right? 1671 01:06:24.166 --> 01:06:26.166 And I didn't even have to fill out an application! 1672 01:06:26.166 --> 01:06:28.541 Application?! This isn't Little Caesar's. 1673 01:06:28.541 --> 01:06:31.333 There's no way for you to act your way through this, okay? 1674 01:06:31.333 --> 01:06:33.541 There's no script for you to follow here. 1675 01:06:33.541 --> 01:06:35.375 Okay, you guys can help me out. 1676 01:06:35.375 --> 01:06:37.500 Just like I helped you out in the bris thing, right? 1677 01:06:37.500 --> 01:06:40.083 - That's what friends are for. - Friends? We're not friends! 1678 01:06:40.083 --> 01:06:42.250 The deal was you come to the gig, then you leave. 1679 01:06:42.250 --> 01:06:43.333 You got paid. 1680 01:06:43.333 --> 01:06:44.500 - Now go! - Go! 1681 01:06:44.500 --> 01:06:46.916 Come on. What was I supposed to do? 1682 01:06:46.916 --> 01:06:48.416 Your boss, Summersquash, hits me up 1683 01:06:48.416 --> 01:06:50.041 - and he's like, "Hey, man." - 'Summerhayes'? 1684 01:06:50.041 --> 01:06:51.541 Yes, that guy. 1685 01:06:51.541 --> 01:06:53.916 Offers me 250 large right out of the blue. 1686 01:06:53.916 --> 01:06:56.708 - What?! - $250,000? 1687 01:06:56.708 --> 01:06:58.333 Yeah, but that's for the whole year. 1688 01:06:58.333 --> 01:06:59.791 That's more than we make. 1689 01:06:59.791 --> 01:07:00.916 Oh, my God! 1690 01:07:00.916 --> 01:07:03.458 Well, I did work as a hostage negotiator in Somalia. 1691 01:07:03.458 --> 01:07:05.541 So maybe I bring a certain amount of life experience 1692 01:07:05.541 --> 01:07:06.541 to the table. 1693 01:07:06.541 --> 01:07:08.750 I mean, come on, guys, didn't you read the bible? 1694 01:07:08.750 --> 01:07:11.625 - We wrote the fucking bible! - We did that. 1695 01:07:11.625 --> 01:07:13.791 Rod, I need you to listen to me very, very carefully. 1696 01:07:13.791 --> 01:07:15.166 It's 'Ricky'. 1697 01:07:15.166 --> 01:07:17.958 Rod! Listen to me, okay? 1698 01:07:17.958 --> 01:07:21.625 There's no way that this ends well. All right? 1699 01:07:21.625 --> 01:07:23.958 You don't even know what we do here. 1700 01:07:23.958 --> 01:07:25.625 It's like business stuff. 1701 01:07:25.625 --> 01:07:27.583 You guys are like... like bookies, right? 1702 01:07:28.500 --> 01:07:29.916 We're not bookies. 1703 01:07:29.916 --> 01:07:32.833 Well, when you boil it down a little bit, there is... 1704 01:07:32.833 --> 01:07:35.458 It's way more complex than that, okay? 1705 01:07:36.125 --> 01:07:38.916 Dean, Erin's in your office. She says it's urgent. 1706 01:07:43.333 --> 01:07:44.333 Hey. 1707 01:07:44.833 --> 01:07:46.541 They hired me! 1708 01:07:46.541 --> 01:07:48.041 - Who? - MFMBC! 1709 01:07:48.041 --> 01:07:50.125 They want me to produce the 'Hero of the Week' segment. 1710 01:07:50.125 --> 01:07:52.375 - MFMBC? - Yes! 1711 01:07:52.375 --> 01:07:53.875 Are you kidding me? What?! 1712 01:07:53.875 --> 01:07:56.833 - Oh, my gosh! Oh. - [Erin squeals and laughs] 1713 01:07:56.833 --> 01:07:59.041 - Oh, I'm so proud of you. - Thank you. 1714 01:07:59.041 --> 01:08:00.833 Didn't I tell you you were going to get your big break? 1715 01:08:00.833 --> 01:08:02.500 - You did, you did. - You got your big break. 1716 01:08:02.500 --> 01:08:04.458 You did. I pushed them the Ricky Stanicky story 1717 01:08:04.458 --> 01:08:05.916 and they loved it. 1718 01:08:05.916 --> 01:08:07.625 The Ricky what? 1719 01:08:07.625 --> 01:08:09.125 The 'Hero of the Week' segment. 1720 01:08:09.125 --> 01:08:11.125 I sent them a proposal about the work Ricky does 1721 01:08:11.125 --> 01:08:13.416 in Africa, in South America and how he works with Bono... 1722 01:08:13.416 --> 01:08:15.333 [audio distorts] ...and helped clean up the oil spill 1723 01:08:15.333 --> 01:08:18.125 in the Chesapeake Bay, and they want me to produce it! 1724 01:08:18.625 --> 01:08:20.958 - Oh! -"Oh"? 1725 01:08:21.666 --> 01:08:23.041 What's wrong with your face? 1726 01:08:23.041 --> 01:08:26.666 This is my happy face. I'm so... I'm happy. 1727 01:08:26.666 --> 01:08:28.875 I'm ha... I'm happy. [coughing] 1728 01:08:28.875 --> 01:08:31.541 Great. Because we got to get him back here now. 1729 01:08:31.541 --> 01:08:33.458 They want me to run it this week. 1730 01:08:33.458 --> 01:08:34.791 Right. 1731 01:08:34.791 --> 01:08:38.291 I don't know if that's going to be... possible. 1732 01:08:38.291 --> 01:08:40.541 I don't... There's just a lot of, uh... 1733 01:08:40.541 --> 01:08:42.708 - [Ricky] More of a canned ham. - A lot of moving... 1734 01:08:42.708 --> 01:08:44.333 - Very close to spam. - [Erin] Ricky? 1735 01:08:44.333 --> 01:08:45.583 Ricky! 1736 01:08:46.708 --> 01:08:47.833 Ricky! 1737 01:08:47.833 --> 01:08:50.958 Man of the Year? Wow! That's so cool! 1738 01:08:50.958 --> 01:08:53.041 It's not man of the year. It's hero of the week. 1739 01:08:53.041 --> 01:08:55.500 And it's not wow. It's a fucking shit show. 1740 01:08:55.500 --> 01:08:56.541 And on top of that, 1741 01:08:56.541 --> 01:08:58.375 the girls are going bowling with him tonight. 1742 01:08:58.375 --> 01:09:00.541 - Do we have to go? - Of course we have to go. 1743 01:09:00.541 --> 01:09:03.333 We're the dipshit's best friends, remember? 1744 01:09:04.166 --> 01:09:06.083 Plus we can't let that fucker out of our sight. 1745 01:09:06.083 --> 01:09:07.583 There's no telling what he'll say. 1746 01:09:07.583 --> 01:09:11.583 You know, on the bright side, it is pretty remarkable that, 1747 01:09:11.583 --> 01:09:14.791 you know, we invented a man who can win an award like this. 1748 01:09:14.791 --> 01:09:16.083 Hey, you think he'll thank us? 1749 01:09:16.083 --> 01:09:18.750 Are you fucking serious right now? 1750 01:09:18.750 --> 01:09:21.250 Wes! You are smoking way too much weed 1751 01:09:21.250 --> 01:09:23.791 if you don't understand how serious this is, okay? 1752 01:09:23.791 --> 01:09:25.916 It's not just about us anymore. 1753 01:09:25.916 --> 01:09:30.000 This could destroy Erin's career. Wake up! 1754 01:09:33.500 --> 01:09:35.000 I don't have a choice. 1755 01:09:35.666 --> 01:09:37.500 - I got to tell her the truth. - No fucking way! 1756 01:09:37.500 --> 01:09:39.250 - I got to. - Dean, no. Dude! 1757 01:09:39.250 --> 01:09:42.041 If you tell Erin, she'll tell Susan. Okay? 1758 01:09:42.041 --> 01:09:43.666 Then what do you think is going to happen? 1759 01:09:43.666 --> 01:09:45.166 Not only did I miss the birth of my son, 1760 01:09:45.166 --> 01:09:47.083 but I let some porno Peter Frampton impersonator 1761 01:09:47.083 --> 01:09:48.875 snip his dick with a cigar cutter. 1762 01:09:48.875 --> 01:09:50.208 No! 1763 01:09:52.416 --> 01:09:53.500 Hey, guys. 1764 01:09:54.375 --> 01:09:55.583 Hey, Karnowski. 1765 01:09:55.583 --> 01:09:57.250 How was the Rebillet show? 1766 01:09:57.250 --> 01:09:59.958 It was great, you piece of shit. Thanks for the tickets. 1767 01:09:59.958 --> 01:10:01.416 Thank you! 1768 01:10:03.583 --> 01:10:05.291 Shitbag! 1769 01:10:07.458 --> 01:10:09.166 He doesn't deserve that. Karnowsk! 1770 01:10:10.750 --> 01:10:12.208 Karnowski! 1771 01:10:13.041 --> 01:10:16.375 - [indistinct chatter] - [up-tempo music plays] 1772 01:10:19.708 --> 01:10:21.583 [Rod] You'll never pick it up. 1773 01:10:24.666 --> 01:10:26.666 I like your form. 1774 01:10:29.333 --> 01:10:32.416 I mean, look at this guy. Not a care in the world. 1775 01:10:32.416 --> 01:10:34.416 If he mentions his salary one more time, 1776 01:10:34.416 --> 01:10:36.166 I'm going to hit him in the fucking head. 1777 01:10:36.166 --> 01:10:37.750 Well, maybe if you gave him more money 1778 01:10:37.750 --> 01:10:39.416 than he's being paid, he'd leave. 1779 01:10:39.416 --> 01:10:41.958 He's getting paid $250,000, Wes. 1780 01:10:41.958 --> 01:10:43.458 Yeah, but that's for the whole year. 1781 01:10:43.458 --> 01:10:44.791 I'll just run to my bank, then. 1782 01:10:44.791 --> 01:10:47.541 We got to figure out a way to get rid of him or we're done. 1783 01:10:47.541 --> 01:10:49.458 Look, maybe you're worried about nothing, right? 1784 01:10:49.458 --> 01:10:51.583 She only has a couple of days to dig up dirt. 1785 01:10:51.583 --> 01:10:54.083 If she doesn't dig up dirt, that's worse. 1786 01:10:54.083 --> 01:10:56.125 Eventually someone's going to find out the truth. 1787 01:10:56.125 --> 01:10:58.208 And then Erin would just be one of those journalists 1788 01:10:58.208 --> 01:11:00.041 that makes up fake stories. 1789 01:11:00.041 --> 01:11:02.375 Yeah, like Mario Lopez. 1790 01:11:03.416 --> 01:11:04.541 Oh. 1791 01:11:04.541 --> 01:11:07.083 Well, look who's hitting it off. 1792 01:11:07.708 --> 01:11:10.291 I thought she was with Gary Polisner. 1793 01:11:10.291 --> 01:11:12.208 Apparently not. 1794 01:11:12.208 --> 01:11:14.583 Hey, look, none of my business, 1795 01:11:14.583 --> 01:11:17.375 but you should think about chopping that off. 1796 01:11:17.958 --> 01:11:19.916 What? A haircut? 1797 01:11:19.916 --> 01:11:23.541 No, I don't know, I mean, I'd be afraid to. 1798 01:11:23.541 --> 01:11:26.541 Why? With a face like yours, you should have a pixie. 1799 01:11:26.541 --> 01:11:28.583 - Really? - Yes! Look at this. 1800 01:11:29.916 --> 01:11:31.208 Okay... 1801 01:11:32.791 --> 01:11:34.166 Maybe not. 1802 01:11:34.875 --> 01:11:36.875 Down to the shoulders, maybe mid back. 1803 01:11:37.833 --> 01:11:39.750 Yeah, I mean, yeah... 1804 01:11:39.750 --> 01:11:43.083 Honestly, I've kind of been wanting to cut it for a while, 1805 01:11:43.083 --> 01:11:45.458 but I just feel like this is like my thing now, 1806 01:11:45.458 --> 01:11:47.083 and everyone says that they love it. 1807 01:11:47.083 --> 01:11:48.541 They're just being nice. 1808 01:11:50.000 --> 01:11:51.666 What, really? 1809 01:11:51.666 --> 01:11:53.166 Oh, yeah. Trust me. 1810 01:11:55.291 --> 01:11:57.958 But why would they lie to me? 1811 01:11:57.958 --> 01:12:01.541 I don't know. People are weird, right? 1812 01:12:02.166 --> 01:12:03.750 Maybe it's hard for them to tell you 1813 01:12:03.750 --> 01:12:05.916 you look like a freaking loon. [chuckles] 1814 01:12:09.750 --> 01:12:12.833 Hey, Carly, whoa. 1815 01:12:12.833 --> 01:12:16.125 Look, I love your hair. All right? 1816 01:12:16.125 --> 01:12:17.541 What I was trying to say was, 1817 01:12:17.541 --> 01:12:19.250 if you want to cut it, you should. 1818 01:12:19.250 --> 01:12:21.541 You shouldn't care about what anybody else thinks. 1819 01:12:22.125 --> 01:12:23.666 Look at you. 1820 01:12:23.666 --> 01:12:27.083 You're smart, you're sweet. 1821 01:12:27.083 --> 01:12:29.208 You got that cute little muskrat face. 1822 01:12:30.041 --> 01:12:32.833 But all anybody can ever see is your insane... 1823 01:12:32.833 --> 01:12:34.708 ...ly beautiful hair. 1824 01:12:36.541 --> 01:12:39.583 Which is like the tenth best thing you got going for you. 1825 01:12:42.333 --> 01:12:44.708 - [crashing] - Agh! Ricky! Ricky! 1826 01:12:45.333 --> 01:12:47.916 Oh, what's happening? Ricky, Ricky, what's happening? 1827 01:12:48.791 --> 01:12:50.791 [people exclaiming] 1828 01:12:54.625 --> 01:12:55.875 What's happen...? Ow! 1829 01:12:57.916 --> 01:13:00.208 Hey! Stop fucking bowling! 1830 01:13:00.208 --> 01:13:02.375 [shouting, commotion] 1831 01:13:03.375 --> 01:13:05.458 [machinery powers down] 1832 01:13:06.666 --> 01:13:08.458 What just happened? 1833 01:13:08.958 --> 01:13:10.833 [Erin] Oh, Carly, that was terrible. 1834 01:13:11.333 --> 01:13:13.416 Moron! He almost took her head off. 1835 01:13:13.416 --> 01:13:15.000 That's it. He's done. 1836 01:13:15.000 --> 01:13:17.166 I'll gladly pay 250, 300, whatever it costs. 1837 01:13:17.166 --> 01:13:19.541 I'll get a loan, sell a kidney. Whatever it takes. 1838 01:13:19.541 --> 01:13:20.583 He's out of here! 1839 01:13:21.750 --> 01:13:23.333 [JT] Wait a minute. 1840 01:13:23.333 --> 01:13:26.208 What if he didn't have a job that paid him 250 grand a year? 1841 01:13:28.083 --> 01:13:29.958 Like, if he got fired. 1842 01:13:31.416 --> 01:13:34.333 [dramatic music] 1843 01:13:35.166 --> 01:13:36.708 [Summerhayes] Let's face facts. 1844 01:13:36.708 --> 01:13:40.250 We need this merger with World River, 1845 01:13:40.250 --> 01:13:42.333 and they seem to be able to take it or leave it. 1846 01:13:42.333 --> 01:13:45.000 Why? Well, I'll tell you why. 1847 01:13:45.000 --> 01:13:47.041 Those folks are from San Francisco 1848 01:13:47.041 --> 01:13:49.958 and we're an old-money New England company. 1849 01:13:49.958 --> 01:13:52.750 They think we're dinosaurs. 1850 01:13:52.750 --> 01:13:54.333 They're looking for new, 1851 01:13:54.333 --> 01:13:56.708 they're looking for progressive. 1852 01:13:56.708 --> 01:13:59.791 So, come on. [claps] Let's hear some ideas. 1853 01:13:59.791 --> 01:14:02.833 Dean, you're point on this. Why don't you get us started? 1854 01:14:02.833 --> 01:14:04.333 Actually, I was thinking that Ricky 1855 01:14:04.333 --> 01:14:06.083 should take point on this today. 1856 01:14:06.083 --> 01:14:08.750 He's our newest employee and he's an 'eco-hero'. 1857 01:14:08.750 --> 01:14:11.541 I like that idea. Ricky, what do you got? 1858 01:14:12.166 --> 01:14:14.416 Well, thank you for the vote of confidence, Dean. 1859 01:14:14.416 --> 01:14:15.958 You should run the meeting, for sure. 1860 01:14:15.958 --> 01:14:17.875 I am just not quite up to speed. 1861 01:14:17.875 --> 01:14:18.916 Well, that makes sense. 1862 01:14:18.916 --> 01:14:20.791 But Ricky's got something big worked out here. 1863 01:14:20.791 --> 01:14:23.916 What'd you call it? Um... game changer, right? 1864 01:14:23.916 --> 01:14:28.166 Game changer. Got to love that. Ricky, what do you got? 1865 01:14:28.166 --> 01:14:29.708 I, um... 1866 01:14:29.708 --> 01:14:31.000 I, er... 1867 01:14:31.000 --> 01:14:35.000 Rick, I have a lunch in 23 minutes. 1868 01:14:36.541 --> 01:14:38.125 Yeah. 1869 01:14:40.958 --> 01:14:42.708 Okay. [clears throat] 1870 01:14:43.500 --> 01:14:44.916 Um... 1871 01:14:45.750 --> 01:14:49.083 My area of expertize is in non-profit humanitarian work. 1872 01:14:49.083 --> 01:14:51.041 In short, I'm a world hugger. 1873 01:14:51.750 --> 01:14:54.583 So, you know, why don't we bring my exciting background 1874 01:14:54.583 --> 01:14:57.708 to the boring-ass world of investment products? 1875 01:14:57.708 --> 01:15:00.041 I mean, you know, ladies and gentlemen, 1876 01:15:00.041 --> 01:15:03.000 does for-profit have to be for profit? 1877 01:15:03.000 --> 01:15:05.458 Well, that's the general idea. 1878 01:15:06.958 --> 01:15:08.041 Correct! 1879 01:15:08.041 --> 01:15:10.500 Ten points to the gentleman in the conservative grey suit. 1880 01:15:11.000 --> 01:15:15.000 Er, could you please elaborate? 1881 01:15:20.791 --> 01:15:22.291 What I was saying... 1882 01:15:23.291 --> 01:15:25.166 ...was, what if we took all the money we made 1883 01:15:25.166 --> 01:15:28.375 and gave it away to poor people and shit? 1884 01:15:29.708 --> 01:15:32.750 I'm not sure I understand that. 1885 01:15:32.750 --> 01:15:35.625 - And shit. - I know I don't. 1886 01:15:35.625 --> 01:15:38.083 Well, think about it. 1887 01:15:38.083 --> 01:15:41.500 If we became, um, like the Paul-Newman-salad-dressing 1888 01:15:41.500 --> 01:15:43.166 of banks, 1889 01:15:43.166 --> 01:15:45.333 the whole world would like us. 1890 01:15:45.333 --> 01:15:48.416 That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. 1891 01:15:48.416 --> 01:15:49.958 [executives snickering] 1892 01:15:49.958 --> 01:15:51.958 [Summerhayes] Well, now, wait a minute. 1893 01:15:51.958 --> 01:15:53.791 Read between the lines, Billings. 1894 01:15:53.791 --> 01:15:56.541 This is exactly what I've been talking about. 1895 01:15:56.541 --> 01:15:59.708 Stanicky's saying we got to shake things up. 1896 01:15:59.708 --> 01:16:00.916 Try something different. 1897 01:16:00.916 --> 01:16:02.791 No, that's not what he's saying. He's saying... 1898 01:16:02.791 --> 01:16:04.666 What about that Tom's company? 1899 01:16:04.666 --> 01:16:08.458 Giving away a free pair of shoes for every pair sold. 1900 01:16:08.458 --> 01:16:11.125 I bet that sounded like a stupid idea at first. 1901 01:16:11.125 --> 01:16:13.000 And what are they clearing? 1902 01:16:13.000 --> 01:16:16.208 170 million in revenue last year. 1903 01:16:16.208 --> 01:16:19.208 170 million. That's impressive. 1904 01:16:20.000 --> 01:16:22.000 Now, obviously, we can't give away all our money, 1905 01:16:22.000 --> 01:16:26.750 but we could funnel some of it into philanthropic ventures. 1906 01:16:26.750 --> 01:16:29.375 And there have got to be tax incentives. 1907 01:16:29.375 --> 01:16:32.541 - Yeah! Tax shit. - Yeah. 1908 01:16:32.541 --> 01:16:34.958 We could call it, um... Feel-Good Investing. 1909 01:16:34.958 --> 01:16:37.083 We'll show people we're a company that cares. 1910 01:16:38.000 --> 01:16:42.833 Feel-Good Investing. I like that. Great work, Rick. 1911 01:16:42.833 --> 01:16:44.666 Thanks, Ted. 1912 01:16:44.666 --> 01:16:46.541 [mouths silently] 1913 01:16:47.291 --> 01:16:48.791 What did you say, Ricky? 1914 01:16:49.458 --> 01:16:52.125 Oh... nothing. 1915 01:16:52.125 --> 01:16:54.875 I was just saying "fuck you" to that guy. 1916 01:16:58.375 --> 01:17:00.208 Yeah, fuck you, Billings! 1917 01:17:00.208 --> 01:17:02.250 [laughs] 1918 01:17:02.250 --> 01:17:05.291 [executives chuckling] 1919 01:17:06.166 --> 01:17:07.916 We're just kidding. 1920 01:17:07.916 --> 01:17:09.291 But fuck you, Billings. 1921 01:17:09.291 --> 01:17:11.125 [laughter] 1922 01:17:12.333 --> 01:17:13.916 Here's what we're going to do. 1923 01:17:13.916 --> 01:17:16.375 The World River folks are flying in Wednesday afternoon. 1924 01:17:16.375 --> 01:17:18.333 Wednesday? What? Why Wednesday? 1925 01:17:18.333 --> 01:17:19.500 Because Wednesday night 1926 01:17:19.500 --> 01:17:21.583 we're going to have a little summit over at my club 1927 01:17:21.583 --> 01:17:24.166 and watch Ricky's 'Hero of the Week' segment. 1928 01:17:24.166 --> 01:17:25.583 Clubs ahoy! 1929 01:17:26.875 --> 01:17:28.083 Right. 1930 01:17:28.083 --> 01:17:31.041 Now, I want you to bring your families and your A-games. 1931 01:17:31.041 --> 01:17:33.666 Wednesday, we're going to show these people who we are. 1932 01:17:33.666 --> 01:17:36.666 We're modern, we're fun, we're socially conscious, 1933 01:17:36.666 --> 01:17:39.625 and we're American heroes. 1934 01:17:41.916 --> 01:17:43.583 - What is happening right now? - I don't know. 1935 01:17:43.583 --> 01:17:45.750 I feel like Jason Bateman in every episode of 'Ozark'. 1936 01:17:46.375 --> 01:17:48.958 Hey, boss-man? Er, got a minute? 1937 01:17:48.958 --> 01:17:50.458 Sure! 1938 01:17:55.041 --> 01:17:57.166 Dean! JT! What it do? 1939 01:17:57.166 --> 01:17:59.541 What the...? What are you doing here? 1940 01:17:59.541 --> 01:18:01.000 Ricky hired me. 1941 01:18:01.875 --> 01:18:03.583 - To do what? - I don't know. 1942 01:18:03.583 --> 01:18:05.125 Help him out with stuff, I guess. 1943 01:18:05.125 --> 01:18:07.166 Yes, I think young Wesley shows great promise 1944 01:18:07.166 --> 01:18:08.375 as my attaché. 1945 01:18:08.375 --> 01:18:10.458 - Who's your attaché, Dean? - I don't have an attaché. 1946 01:18:10.458 --> 01:18:11.708 I'm not a foreign diplomat. 1947 01:18:11.708 --> 01:18:14.000 Listen, you and me need to have a chat. 1948 01:18:14.000 --> 01:18:16.125 Okay, but before we do, I want to show you something. 1949 01:18:16.125 --> 01:18:17.208 [exasperated sigh] 1950 01:18:21.416 --> 01:18:23.833 First, thank you for having faith 1951 01:18:23.833 --> 01:18:25.375 and believing in me today. 1952 01:18:25.375 --> 01:18:27.458 I never would've come up with those ideas in the meeting 1953 01:18:27.458 --> 01:18:28.875 if you hadn't thrown me into the fire. 1954 01:18:28.875 --> 01:18:30.166 Happy to do it, man. 1955 01:18:30.166 --> 01:18:32.583 I think I figured out what the problem is. 1956 01:18:33.458 --> 01:18:34.708 What problem? 1957 01:18:34.708 --> 01:18:37.208 The whole 'not getting the merger' thingy problem. 1958 01:18:37.208 --> 01:18:38.458 You went to one staff meeting 1959 01:18:38.458 --> 01:18:40.125 and you've got the whole company figured out? 1960 01:18:40.125 --> 01:18:42.708 So I filmed this on my phone in the staff meeting this morning 1961 01:18:42.708 --> 01:18:44.250 and my attaché put it on the computer. 1962 01:18:44.250 --> 01:18:46.083 So, check it out. 1963 01:18:46.083 --> 01:18:48.708 - ...San Francisco and we... - [Rod] See? 1964 01:18:48.708 --> 01:18:50.791 - ...old-money New England... - You see? 1965 01:18:50.791 --> 01:18:53.541 - They're looking for... - See what? 1966 01:18:53.541 --> 01:18:55.500 The guy's a world-class air-dicker. 1967 01:18:55.500 --> 01:18:57.666 An air what-er? What are you talking about? 1968 01:18:57.666 --> 01:18:59.208 Keep watching. 1969 01:18:59.208 --> 01:19:00.833 Every time he tries to make a point, 1970 01:19:00.833 --> 01:19:03.583 it's like he puts an invisible penis in his mouth. 1971 01:19:03.583 --> 01:19:05.750 Remember when Obama used to power knuckle 1972 01:19:05.750 --> 01:19:06.875 to try to make that point? 1973 01:19:06.875 --> 01:19:08.541 Well, Summerhayes does the same thing, 1974 01:19:08.541 --> 01:19:10.625 but when he does it, it's like he's smoking invisible dongs. 1975 01:19:10.625 --> 01:19:13.708 Oh, my God, he is an air-dicker. 1976 01:19:13.708 --> 01:19:15.083 There's a time and a place for it, 1977 01:19:15.083 --> 01:19:16.708 but it's really hard to get away with it 1978 01:19:16.708 --> 01:19:18.000 in a business setting. 1979 01:19:18.958 --> 01:19:21.375 Yo, let's make a TikTok out of this! 1980 01:19:21.375 --> 01:19:22.791 [Rod chuckles] 1981 01:19:22.791 --> 01:19:25.625 What do you guys think? Should I tell him? 1982 01:19:25.625 --> 01:19:27.166 Tell him what? 1983 01:19:27.666 --> 01:19:29.666 That he's a world-class air-dicker. 1984 01:19:32.291 --> 01:19:34.375 - Absolutely. - Yeah, you should. 1985 01:19:35.041 --> 01:19:39.250 [quirky music] 1986 01:19:47.000 --> 01:19:48.500 How could you work for him, dude? 1987 01:19:48.500 --> 01:19:50.208 We don't need you exploring career opportunities 1988 01:19:50.208 --> 01:19:51.625 when he's trying to ruin our lives. 1989 01:19:51.625 --> 01:19:53.458 First of all, he's not ruining my life. 1990 01:19:53.458 --> 01:19:55.458 He hired me 'cause he actually gives a shit. 1991 01:19:55.458 --> 01:19:57.125 If I didn't get off my ass and get a job, 1992 01:19:57.125 --> 01:19:58.625 Keith was going to dump me. 1993 01:19:58.625 --> 01:20:00.625 By the way, I noticed that my so-called real friends 1994 01:20:00.625 --> 01:20:02.000 never offered me a job. 1995 01:20:02.000 --> 01:20:04.500 [Summerhayes yelling] Are you fucking shitting me?! 1996 01:20:08.666 --> 01:20:10.291 You two! 1997 01:20:10.291 --> 01:20:12.291 In here, now! 1998 01:20:19.000 --> 01:20:20.625 Come in, sit down. 1999 01:20:23.083 --> 01:20:25.041 Show them what you showed me. 2000 01:20:25.708 --> 01:20:27.416 I already did, Ted. 2001 01:20:28.958 --> 01:20:31.416 You knew about this and you never said anything? 2002 01:20:32.500 --> 01:20:33.833 Well, we just thought it was... 2003 01:20:33.833 --> 01:20:36.625 It's just a mannerism. It's really not that big of a deal. 2004 01:20:36.625 --> 01:20:38.208 Especially in this day and age. 2005 01:20:38.208 --> 01:20:39.750 I know it's not a big deal! 2006 01:20:39.750 --> 01:20:41.916 Two of my sons are gay, for Christ's sake! 2007 01:20:41.916 --> 01:20:44.625 And the third one's just... working it out. 2008 01:20:44.625 --> 01:20:48.125 But I can't go into meetings like this. 2009 01:20:48.125 --> 01:20:50.958 No wonder they're not interested in the merger. 2010 01:20:50.958 --> 01:20:52.375 They're so flippin' distracted, 2011 01:20:52.375 --> 01:20:54.208 they haven't heard a word I've said. 2012 01:20:54.208 --> 01:20:57.916 We don't know that you've been doing this everywhere. I... 2013 01:20:57.916 --> 01:21:00.291 As far as we know, you just did it in today's meeting. 2014 01:21:00.291 --> 01:21:01.500 I'd never seen it before. 2015 01:21:02.375 --> 01:21:04.000 - Really? - [door opens] 2016 01:21:04.000 --> 01:21:05.833 I've got the conference link. 2017 01:21:05.833 --> 01:21:06.875 [TV blips] 2018 01:21:07.791 --> 01:21:11.166 This merger will allow us 2019 01:21:11.166 --> 01:21:15.333 to further enhance our capital efficiencies. 2020 01:21:15.833 --> 01:21:17.125 - Look at you. - Oh, God... 2021 01:21:17.125 --> 01:21:18.625 Air-dicking left and right. 2022 01:21:18.625 --> 01:21:22.250 There are companies out there who want to get bigger. 2023 01:21:22.250 --> 01:21:25.291 There are companies out there who want to get smaller. 2024 01:21:25.291 --> 01:21:27.250 You just air-dicked four times in ten seconds. 2025 01:21:27.250 --> 01:21:28.750 Oh, dear God, it's true. 2026 01:21:28.750 --> 01:21:33.833 On the other hand, to support everything we do... 2027 01:21:33.833 --> 01:21:37.000 Oh, God! Now it looks like I'm cupping the balls. 2028 01:21:37.000 --> 01:21:40.000 ...with knowledge and planning. 2029 01:21:40.000 --> 01:21:41.791 [Summerhayes] Oh! 2030 01:21:41.791 --> 01:21:44.041 Hey, you're double-dongin' it. 2031 01:21:44.041 --> 01:21:47.500 ...is the company that can do both. 2032 01:21:48.041 --> 01:21:49.875 Oh, God. Get it... Turn it off. 2033 01:21:49.875 --> 01:21:51.416 - Some people say... - [TV blips] 2034 01:21:54.500 --> 01:21:57.000 Okay, from this point forward 2035 01:21:57.000 --> 01:21:59.083 Stanicky is in charge of the merger. 2036 01:21:59.083 --> 01:22:01.291 What? Ted, come on. 2037 01:22:01.291 --> 01:22:03.000 I've been running point on this for nine months. 2038 01:22:03.000 --> 01:22:05.875 Yeah, and look where it's gotten us. 2039 01:22:05.875 --> 01:22:07.916 He's been here one day and... 2040 01:22:07.916 --> 01:22:10.333 - Watch the air-dicking, Ted. - Jesus...! [mutters] 2041 01:22:11.750 --> 01:22:13.250 Here's the bottom line. 2042 01:22:13.833 --> 01:22:15.833 Stanicky gives it to me straight, 2043 01:22:15.833 --> 01:22:17.666 whether the news is good or bad. 2044 01:22:17.666 --> 01:22:20.750 He's in charge. End of discussion. 2045 01:22:24.291 --> 01:22:28.250 Oh, Jesus. Okay, just make it go away. Just... 2046 01:22:28.250 --> 01:22:30.000 - Yep. - Go to black. 2047 01:22:30.000 --> 01:22:31.500 - Oh, er... - Just go to black. 2048 01:22:31.500 --> 01:22:33.875 [Philip] Yeah, I'm pressing it but it's not... 2049 01:22:33.875 --> 01:22:35.250 - Give it to me. - Yeah, try... 2050 01:22:35.250 --> 01:22:36.625 I don't know how to work this thing. 2051 01:22:36.625 --> 01:22:38.666 - No, I know. - Is there an IT guy? 2052 01:22:38.666 --> 01:22:40.625 - That's me. - Argh, fuck! 2053 01:22:42.416 --> 01:22:44.833 Oh, Dean... [exhales heavily] 2054 01:22:44.833 --> 01:22:46.541 Despite what Ted said back there, 2055 01:22:46.541 --> 01:22:47.708 about me being in charge, 2056 01:22:47.708 --> 01:22:49.916 I don't pretend to know more about this company than you. 2057 01:22:49.916 --> 01:22:51.833 Well, I pretend to know more than you, 2058 01:22:51.833 --> 01:22:53.416 but you are clearly 2059 01:22:53.416 --> 01:22:55.333 more informed in company matters than me 2060 01:22:55.333 --> 01:22:58.375 and right now I need your expertize. 2061 01:23:00.750 --> 01:23:02.166 What? 2062 01:23:02.166 --> 01:23:04.166 I don't want to forget this. Okay... 2063 01:23:05.250 --> 01:23:06.541 [cell phone beeping] 2064 01:23:07.375 --> 01:23:09.500 How big of a raise should I be asking for? 2065 01:23:11.500 --> 01:23:13.875 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 2066 01:23:14.833 --> 01:23:16.041 [Rod whimpering] 2067 01:23:16.041 --> 01:23:18.000 You're quitting! Today! 2068 01:23:18.750 --> 01:23:20.625 - What are you talking about? - Show's over, Rod. 2069 01:23:20.625 --> 01:23:21.750 It's Ricky. 2070 01:23:21.750 --> 01:23:25.208 It's not Ricky, okay? Get it through your head, man. 2071 01:23:25.208 --> 01:23:27.041 Ricky Stanicky isn't real. 2072 01:23:27.041 --> 01:23:29.083 Yes, he is. Here. 2073 01:23:34.291 --> 01:23:38.166 Richard Barbara Stanicky? 2074 01:23:38.166 --> 01:23:40.125 That's my grandmother's name. 2075 01:23:40.125 --> 01:23:42.000 Where the fuck did you get this? 2076 01:23:44.458 --> 01:23:46.625 Officially changed my name. 2077 01:23:46.625 --> 01:23:49.250 Paid to expedite it online. They overnighted it. 2078 01:23:49.916 --> 01:23:51.416 Oh, my God. 2079 01:23:51.416 --> 01:23:53.541 Come on, Dean. See this from my side. 2080 01:23:53.541 --> 01:23:55.791 This is the role I was born to play and I'm nailing it. 2081 01:23:55.791 --> 01:23:59.291 No, you were hired under false pretences. 2082 01:23:59.291 --> 01:24:00.666 You lied to them. 2083 01:24:00.666 --> 01:24:02.125 No, as I recall, Dean, you lied to them. 2084 01:24:02.125 --> 01:24:04.625 Oh, ha, ha, ha. You got me there. [claps] 2085 01:24:04.625 --> 01:24:06.125 But you know what? This is different. 2086 01:24:06.125 --> 01:24:07.666 You're putting people's careers at risk. 2087 01:24:07.666 --> 01:24:09.208 Careers? 2088 01:24:09.208 --> 01:24:11.625 I've been here two days and I'm your boss. 2089 01:24:11.625 --> 01:24:13.791 I'm talking about Erin's career! 2090 01:24:13.791 --> 01:24:16.250 You can fool Summerhayes with this righteous shit. 2091 01:24:16.250 --> 01:24:18.833 But I know who you really are. 2092 01:24:19.416 --> 01:24:22.750 You're Rock Hard Rod! The drunk. 2093 01:24:26.500 --> 01:24:28.000 Yeah. [sniffles] 2094 01:24:30.208 --> 01:24:31.833 I was a drunk. 2095 01:24:32.833 --> 01:24:35.458 Nobody respected me. My job sucked. I had no friends. 2096 01:24:36.375 --> 01:24:38.000 But now I have all those things. 2097 01:24:38.000 --> 01:24:40.666 And I'm sober. All right? 2098 01:24:41.916 --> 01:24:43.958 And if I leave here, it all goes away. 2099 01:24:48.000 --> 01:24:52.750 My whole life, all I've ever been is a shit baby. 2100 01:24:54.000 --> 01:24:55.916 [poignant music] 2101 01:24:55.916 --> 01:24:59.916 And now I get to be somebody people actually like. 2102 01:25:03.333 --> 01:25:05.500 Don't take that away from me, man. Please. 2103 01:25:13.375 --> 01:25:17.333 Look, this has to end. 2104 01:25:23.208 --> 01:25:25.500 - [crashing] - [grunting] 2105 01:25:25.500 --> 01:25:28.083 What the fuck are you doing? Stop! Stop! Hey, hey! 2106 01:25:28.083 --> 01:25:29.833 - [slapping] - Argh! Hey, okay! 2107 01:25:29.833 --> 01:25:32.375 If I go back, they'll kill me. If I go back, they'll kill me. 2108 01:25:32.375 --> 01:25:33.583 What?! 2109 01:25:33.583 --> 01:25:35.416 If I go back to Atlantic City, they'll kill me. 2110 01:25:35.416 --> 01:25:37.125 - Who? - The Sasquatch 2111 01:25:37.125 --> 01:25:38.875 and his Joe Pesce buddy from the casino. 2112 01:25:38.875 --> 01:25:40.375 I told you they were crazy fans. 2113 01:25:40.375 --> 01:25:42.583 They're crazy. They're not fans. 2114 01:25:43.583 --> 01:25:46.000 Why? What did you do? 2115 01:25:46.000 --> 01:25:47.875 I don't know. 2116 01:25:47.875 --> 01:25:50.333 I used to drink and black out, it could be anything. 2117 01:25:51.458 --> 01:25:52.958 One day I woke up after a five-day bender, 2118 01:25:52.958 --> 01:25:54.208 I was a manager of an Arby's. 2119 01:25:55.291 --> 01:25:57.791 Plus, I owe a lot of bad people a lot of money. 2120 01:25:59.583 --> 01:26:00.791 [scoffs lightly] 2121 01:26:04.333 --> 01:26:05.916 You were right, man. 2122 01:26:06.916 --> 01:26:08.458 It's my fault. 2123 01:26:10.833 --> 01:26:12.500 It's... it's my fault. 2124 01:26:15.833 --> 01:26:17.916 Wow. 2125 01:26:17.916 --> 01:26:19.458 I had everything. 2126 01:26:20.250 --> 01:26:23.083 I had good friends. I had a great job. 2127 01:26:24.541 --> 01:26:26.708 The most kind-hearted, 2128 01:26:26.708 --> 01:26:29.208 beautiful person in the whole world loved me. 2129 01:26:30.208 --> 01:26:31.583 [sighs heavily] 2130 01:26:31.583 --> 01:26:33.833 Erin's the best thing that ever happened to me. 2131 01:26:35.500 --> 01:26:37.208 I'm going to lose it all. 2132 01:26:39.208 --> 01:26:42.208 [door opens and closes] 2133 01:26:42.208 --> 01:26:44.416 ♪ She gave you flowers ♪ 2134 01:26:44.416 --> 01:26:47.041 ♪ She gave you Pretty melodies... ♪ 2135 01:26:49.041 --> 01:26:51.208 I'll never understand why you don't just tell her the truth. 2136 01:26:52.750 --> 01:26:54.500 I think it's a little late for that, Wes. 2137 01:26:56.458 --> 01:26:57.916 No, it's not. 2138 01:26:58.833 --> 01:27:01.250 [TV reporter] That was Steve Smith in Washington. 2139 01:27:01.250 --> 01:27:02.916 And tomorrow night at 7 p.m. 2140 01:27:02.916 --> 01:27:05.916 we present our Hero of the Week. 2141 01:27:10.250 --> 01:27:14.000 Seconds on steak fries? Uh, yeah! 2142 01:27:14.000 --> 01:27:16.250 [up-tempo jingle plays] 2143 01:27:16.250 --> 01:27:17.958 [announcer] Visit your local Red Robin 2144 01:27:17.958 --> 01:27:20.875 to try our new bottomless steak fries. 2145 01:27:21.708 --> 01:27:22.791 I swear to God, man, 2146 01:27:22.791 --> 01:27:24.625 Stanicky's like one of those trick birthday candles - 2147 01:27:24.625 --> 01:27:26.625 no matter how hard I try to blow him out, 2148 01:27:26.625 --> 01:27:27.833 he just keeps coming back. 2149 01:27:32.541 --> 01:27:34.208 Dean, I love you like a brother, 2150 01:27:34.208 --> 01:27:36.208 but you got one major flaw. 2151 01:27:36.208 --> 01:27:37.666 Hmm? 2152 01:27:37.666 --> 01:27:39.041 You lie too much. 2153 01:27:40.708 --> 01:27:42.500 I lie too much? 2154 01:27:42.500 --> 01:27:44.208 What the...? 2155 01:27:44.208 --> 01:27:45.791 You lie just as much as me. 2156 01:27:45.791 --> 01:27:47.416 Only 'cause you make me. 2157 01:27:48.041 --> 01:27:49.916 I've been trying to tell the truth on this one 2158 01:27:49.916 --> 01:27:51.041 from the beginning, 2159 01:27:51.041 --> 01:27:52.291 but you said no. 2160 01:27:52.291 --> 01:27:53.833 Because I was looking out for JT. 2161 01:27:53.833 --> 01:27:55.083 I didn't want JT to get in trouble. 2162 01:27:55.083 --> 01:27:58.041 Dude, this has nothing to do with JT. 2163 01:27:59.125 --> 01:28:01.000 This has everything to do with you. 2164 01:28:02.458 --> 01:28:05.500 Do you realize that Rod had a fake life and he made it real? 2165 01:28:05.500 --> 01:28:07.458 You had a real life and you made it fake. 2166 01:28:10.875 --> 01:28:13.250 Fuck this, man. I don't need this shit. 2167 01:28:14.250 --> 01:28:15.958 You're not making anything better. 2168 01:28:15.958 --> 01:28:17.791 Yo, I know you ain't fall in no ditch. 2169 01:28:20.166 --> 01:28:21.375 What? 2170 01:28:21.375 --> 01:28:24.708 I know you didn't fall in a ditch, that one Halloween. 2171 01:28:25.291 --> 01:28:26.875 When you broke your arm. 2172 01:28:27.375 --> 01:28:29.208 After we egged that house, 2173 01:28:29.208 --> 01:28:31.000 and we all split in different directions, 2174 01:28:31.000 --> 01:28:33.458 I went back to your place to see if you was there, 2175 01:28:33.458 --> 01:28:35.208 and you were. 2176 01:28:36.125 --> 01:28:37.208 And I heard him. 2177 01:28:40.000 --> 01:28:42.208 I heard what he did to you. 2178 01:28:43.875 --> 01:28:46.083 That was an accident. He was drunk. 2179 01:28:46.083 --> 01:28:48.708 See, there you go again. You're lying. 2180 01:28:49.416 --> 01:28:52.958 Dude, I understand you grew up in a fucked-up house 2181 01:28:52.958 --> 01:28:55.125 and you had a fucked-up father, 2182 01:28:55.125 --> 01:28:57.500 and that's why you slept over at me and JT's house, 2183 01:28:57.500 --> 01:28:59.208 and that's probably why you started a lie. 2184 01:28:59.208 --> 01:29:00.416 To protect yourself. 2185 01:29:00.416 --> 01:29:02.750 But you're not that boy anymore, 2186 01:29:02.750 --> 01:29:04.250 and you're letting this shitty stuff 2187 01:29:04.250 --> 01:29:06.000 turn you into a shitty person, and that's not you. 2188 01:29:07.500 --> 01:29:09.458 If you just tell Erin the truth, 2189 01:29:09.458 --> 01:29:11.375 she won't hurt you. 2190 01:29:17.458 --> 01:29:21.208 [slow mellow music] 2191 01:29:35.416 --> 01:29:37.416 [car accelerating] 2192 01:29:37.416 --> 01:29:39.875 ["Paint a Lady" by Susan Christie plays] 2193 01:29:39.875 --> 01:29:44.875 ♪ Night has fallen quickly On the carnival in town ♪ 2194 01:29:45.500 --> 01:29:47.958 ♪ The cotton candy maker ♪ 2195 01:29:47.958 --> 01:29:51.458 ♪ Is the last To leave the ground ♪ 2196 01:29:51.458 --> 01:29:54.000 ♪ Shuts his tiny wagon ♪ 2197 01:29:54.000 --> 01:29:57.333 ♪ And goes to A room somewhere ♪ 2198 01:29:57.333 --> 01:30:00.041 ♪ His life's Like cotton candy ♪ 2199 01:30:00.041 --> 01:30:03.708 ♪ An illusion Not much there... ♪ 2200 01:30:05.375 --> 01:30:07.791 Hey. Where were you? 2201 01:30:08.625 --> 01:30:10.541 I was worried about you. 2202 01:30:13.541 --> 01:30:15.333 I tried to call you. 2203 01:30:18.500 --> 01:30:20.708 Listen, Erin... 2204 01:30:22.458 --> 01:30:24.333 ...you can't let them run your story. 2205 01:30:24.333 --> 01:30:26.416 Yeah, well, it's a little too late for that. 2206 01:30:26.416 --> 01:30:28.291 No, you don't understand. 2207 01:30:29.166 --> 01:30:32.041 Is there a way that you can postpone it or pre-empt it? 2208 01:30:32.041 --> 01:30:34.083 Is that what they say in your business? 'Pre-empt'? 2209 01:30:34.083 --> 01:30:35.583 'Cause there's a lot of things 2210 01:30:35.583 --> 01:30:37.041 that you need to know about Ricky. 2211 01:30:37.041 --> 01:30:38.666 You mean Rock Hard Rod? 2212 01:30:40.500 --> 01:30:42.208 Don't look so surprised, Dean. 2213 01:30:43.000 --> 01:30:45.791 I'm a good reporter, you said so yourself, remember? 2214 01:30:46.875 --> 01:30:48.125 Yeah, I know you are. 2215 01:30:48.125 --> 01:30:49.875 I figured it out at the bris. 2216 01:30:52.625 --> 01:30:54.791 Nairobi? 2217 01:30:54.791 --> 01:30:59.083 You said he had to fly back to help fight Ebola, 2218 01:30:59.083 --> 01:31:01.916 but there hasn't been an Ebola case 2219 01:31:01.916 --> 01:31:03.458 anywhere in the last four years 2220 01:31:03.458 --> 01:31:05.583 and definitely never in Nairobi. 2221 01:31:05.583 --> 01:31:07.125 They actually have a vaccine now. 2222 01:31:09.375 --> 01:31:10.416 That's good. 2223 01:31:10.916 --> 01:31:13.375 Ricky showed me your bible. 2224 01:31:14.291 --> 01:31:15.750 It's pathetic. 2225 01:31:16.416 --> 01:31:18.083 You guys lied so you could 2226 01:31:18.083 --> 01:31:20.166 go to the Little League World Series, 2227 01:31:20.166 --> 01:31:22.708 the Lebowski Fest, a tiny train museum. 2228 01:31:24.750 --> 01:31:26.208 Wes likes trains. 2229 01:31:26.208 --> 01:31:28.041 You went to Dollywood, twice! 2230 01:31:28.666 --> 01:31:31.333 Why didn't you take me with you? I love Dolly Parton. 2231 01:31:31.875 --> 01:31:33.666 I'm sorry. I didn't know that. 2232 01:31:33.666 --> 01:31:36.333 What bothers me more than the lies 2233 01:31:36.333 --> 01:31:39.333 is why you told them in the first place. 2234 01:31:41.625 --> 01:31:43.791 You were running from me. 2235 01:31:44.916 --> 01:31:46.250 From us. 2236 01:31:46.250 --> 01:31:48.375 No. No, that's not true. 2237 01:31:48.375 --> 01:31:51.791 Well, it doesn't matter anymore, Dean. 2238 01:31:53.000 --> 01:31:54.875 It's too late. 2239 01:31:59.125 --> 01:32:02.208 [soft pensive music] 2240 01:32:13.333 --> 01:32:15.000 [Wes] I just want this day to be over. 2241 01:32:15.000 --> 01:32:16.708 Me too. 2242 01:32:16.708 --> 01:32:19.750 What if he chickened out? What if he's going to bail on us? 2243 01:32:19.750 --> 01:32:21.166 Where is Dean? 2244 01:32:21.166 --> 01:32:23.916 He's, uh, on his... He'll be here any minute. 2245 01:32:23.916 --> 01:32:25.458 And where is Ricky? 2246 01:32:25.458 --> 01:32:27.208 The World River execs want to meet him. 2247 01:32:27.208 --> 01:32:31.041 Also on his way. His attaché is here, so... 2248 01:32:31.958 --> 01:32:33.291 Hi. 2249 01:32:34.666 --> 01:32:37.375 [gentle classical music plays] 2250 01:32:37.375 --> 01:32:39.000 [Summerhayes] So, where were we? 2251 01:32:41.875 --> 01:32:44.791 [downbeat music] 2252 01:32:47.166 --> 01:32:49.291 [sighing] 2253 01:33:00.708 --> 01:33:02.083 [JT] Hey! 2254 01:33:02.708 --> 01:33:04.208 Where the hell have you been? 2255 01:33:04.208 --> 01:33:05.458 The show starts in three minutes. 2256 01:33:05.458 --> 01:33:07.083 Summerhayes wants Ricky to introduce it. 2257 01:33:07.083 --> 01:33:08.666 - Where is this guy? - There's no show. 2258 01:33:08.666 --> 01:33:10.125 What? 2259 01:33:10.125 --> 01:33:12.666 Ricky was never going to be Hero of the Week. 2260 01:33:13.208 --> 01:33:14.958 Erin knew all along. 2261 01:33:14.958 --> 01:33:16.041 Knew what? 2262 01:33:16.041 --> 01:33:18.750 That Ricky was a fake. She figured it out at the bris. 2263 01:33:18.750 --> 01:33:20.791 So she was lying to us? 2264 01:33:20.791 --> 01:33:22.708 Well, that's pretty fuckin' low. 2265 01:33:23.291 --> 01:33:25.041 Are you an idiot? 2266 01:33:26.250 --> 01:33:28.083 What are we going to tell Summerhayes? 2267 01:33:29.583 --> 01:33:30.708 The truth. 2268 01:33:30.708 --> 01:33:33.208 Dean, come on. Don't do that. Dean! 2269 01:33:34.666 --> 01:33:36.291 [Summerhayes] Good evening, everyone. 2270 01:33:36.291 --> 01:33:38.791 Thank you all for coming out. Thank you. 2271 01:33:38.791 --> 01:33:40.875 - [applause] - Thank you. 2272 01:33:40.875 --> 01:33:44.750 I see a lot of old friends out here tonight, 2273 01:33:44.750 --> 01:33:46.250 and a lot of new friends. 2274 01:33:46.250 --> 01:33:49.458 And I see two great companies 2275 01:33:49.458 --> 01:33:50.791 that can... 2276 01:33:50.791 --> 01:33:54.250 ...can, uh, do wonderful things. 2277 01:33:54.250 --> 01:33:57.000 I was hoping that the man of the hour, Ricky Stanicky, 2278 01:33:57.000 --> 01:34:01.208 would be here to introduce this MFMBC Heroes segment. 2279 01:34:01.208 --> 01:34:04.375 - Ted, can I say something? - Yes, absolutely. Yes, please. 2280 01:34:04.375 --> 01:34:05.583 Dean Stanton, 2281 01:34:05.583 --> 01:34:07.500 our Vice President of Investor Relations. 2282 01:34:07.500 --> 01:34:08.583 Dean. 2283 01:34:08.583 --> 01:34:11.583 [applause] 2284 01:34:21.291 --> 01:34:22.833 Um... 2285 01:34:23.625 --> 01:34:26.666 Unfortunately, MFMBC has decided 2286 01:34:26.666 --> 01:34:29.583 not to profile Ricky Stanicky as a hero. 2287 01:34:29.583 --> 01:34:32.041 - Ha... - [guests whispering] 2288 01:34:32.041 --> 01:34:34.041 The reason being... 2289 01:34:35.250 --> 01:34:37.375 ...that Ricky Stanicky's not a hero. 2290 01:34:39.875 --> 01:34:42.041 He's not even a real person. 2291 01:34:45.208 --> 01:34:47.208 I made him up. 2292 01:34:47.208 --> 01:34:49.416 Motherfucker! 2293 01:34:49.416 --> 01:34:51.750 [guests murmuring] 2294 01:34:54.541 --> 01:34:56.291 I lied to all of you. 2295 01:34:58.125 --> 01:35:00.291 And I have no excuses. 2296 01:35:03.666 --> 01:35:05.166 I'm sorry, Ted. 2297 01:35:06.041 --> 01:35:08.041 You don't deserve this. 2298 01:35:09.833 --> 01:35:11.458 I'd also like to apologize to everyone 2299 01:35:11.458 --> 01:35:13.916 who came out here from San Francisco. 2300 01:35:15.208 --> 01:35:18.083 Summerhayes Financial is an excellent company. 2301 01:35:19.291 --> 01:35:20.958 Please don't let my actions destroy 2302 01:35:20.958 --> 01:35:23.375 what could be a great partnership. 2303 01:35:28.375 --> 01:35:30.250 [guests murmuring] 2304 01:35:31.208 --> 01:35:32.958 What the fuck did he just say? 2305 01:35:33.458 --> 01:35:35.166 [whispers] I don't know what to do. 2306 01:35:35.166 --> 01:35:36.250 [Leona] I told you... 2307 01:35:36.250 --> 01:35:38.166 [Susan] Where is that pumpkin-headed piece of shit? 2308 01:35:38.750 --> 01:35:40.541 I don't get it. 2309 01:35:40.541 --> 01:35:42.041 If the show wasn't for real, 2310 01:35:42.041 --> 01:35:43.666 then why'd the news crew come in? 2311 01:35:45.333 --> 01:35:47.916 - What news crew? - Yesterday. 2312 01:35:47.916 --> 01:35:49.291 While you were at lunch, 2313 01:35:49.291 --> 01:35:50.916 this crew came in and interviewed Ricky. 2314 01:35:50.916 --> 01:35:52.625 I helped set the whole thing up. 2315 01:36:00.958 --> 01:36:04.333 Dean, don't worry about cleaning out your office. 2316 01:36:04.333 --> 01:36:06.583 We'll box it up for ya... 2317 01:36:06.583 --> 01:36:08.125 and then burn it. 2318 01:36:08.625 --> 01:36:11.791 [indistinct arguing] 2319 01:36:11.791 --> 01:36:13.666 [Stan Grant] I'm standing outside the offices 2320 01:36:13.666 --> 01:36:15.250 of Summerhayes Financial, 2321 01:36:15.250 --> 01:36:16.500 an esteemed institution 2322 01:36:16.500 --> 01:36:19.125 in downtown Providence, Rhode Island. 2323 01:36:19.125 --> 01:36:22.625 And that is Richard Barbara Stanicky. 2324 01:36:22.625 --> 01:36:24.500 Think of us as the bookies and you're the gambler. 2325 01:36:24.500 --> 01:36:27.250 We're the nice bookies, not the throw-you-off-the bridge type. 2326 01:36:27.250 --> 01:36:29.333 [Stan Grant] After several years helping the less... 2327 01:36:29.333 --> 01:36:31.125 Why the hell is this still on?! 2328 01:36:31.125 --> 01:36:33.208 [Stan Grant] ...charity, he's now the newest 2329 01:36:33.208 --> 01:36:35.875 and one of the most highly paid executives 2330 01:36:35.875 --> 01:36:37.750 at Summerhayes Financial. 2331 01:36:38.666 --> 01:36:40.166 Where's the AV guy? 2332 01:36:40.166 --> 01:36:43.166 - Oh, that's me. - I thought you were the IT guy. 2333 01:36:43.166 --> 01:36:44.583 I'm both. 2334 01:36:44.583 --> 01:36:45.666 [remote buzzes] 2335 01:36:45.666 --> 01:36:47.541 [Stan Grant] But there's something you should know 2336 01:36:47.541 --> 01:36:49.583 about this highly successful executive. 2337 01:36:50.250 --> 01:36:51.916 He's a complete fraud. 2338 01:36:51.916 --> 01:36:54.000 I'm Ted Summerhayes... 2339 01:36:54.000 --> 01:36:55.166 [Stan Grant] That's right. 2340 01:36:55.166 --> 01:36:57.791 Ricky Stanicky is actually Rodney Rimestead, 2341 01:36:57.791 --> 01:37:00.250 a pornographic rock'n'roll impersonator 2342 01:37:00.250 --> 01:37:02.416 from Atlantic City, New Jersey, 2343 01:37:02.416 --> 01:37:06.250 who goes by the name of Rock Hard Rod. 2344 01:37:06.250 --> 01:37:10.541 We caught up with Mr. Rimestead to find out how he came to be 2345 01:37:10.541 --> 01:37:13.000 the businessman 'Ricky Stanicky'. 2346 01:37:13.000 --> 01:37:16.583 I was hanging around a casino bar in Atlantic City. 2347 01:37:16.583 --> 01:37:19.875 No money, no friends, no respect. 2348 01:37:19.875 --> 01:37:21.500 I was an alcoholic. 2349 01:37:22.083 --> 01:37:24.666 I am... I am an alcoholic. 2350 01:37:25.666 --> 01:37:27.916 And I was doing whatever I could to get by. 2351 01:37:28.416 --> 01:37:33.083 ♪ Cum a, cum a, cum a Come in my sock again ♪ 2352 01:37:33.083 --> 01:37:35.583 ♪ It's filled with loads ♪ 2353 01:37:35.583 --> 01:37:36.625 Oh, God. 2354 01:37:36.625 --> 01:37:38.875 ♪ It's filled with loads... ♪ 2355 01:37:38.875 --> 01:37:42.458 And that night, I met Dean Stanton and his friends. 2356 01:37:43.416 --> 01:37:45.666 They bought me food, drink. 2357 01:37:46.333 --> 01:37:48.833 They asked me who I was, they really seemed to care. 2358 01:37:48.833 --> 01:37:51.041 And as Rod would discover, they did care. 2359 01:37:52.666 --> 01:37:54.708 [car approaching] 2360 01:37:58.875 --> 01:38:00.500 [Wes] Dean! 2361 01:38:01.166 --> 01:38:02.958 You got to see this! 2362 01:38:02.958 --> 01:38:05.833 Within days, Dean Stanton and his friends 2363 01:38:05.833 --> 01:38:07.375 would reach out again. 2364 01:38:07.375 --> 01:38:08.791 I couldn't believe they called. 2365 01:38:08.791 --> 01:38:10.125 These are people I met only once 2366 01:38:10.125 --> 01:38:11.250 and only for a few minutes, 2367 01:38:11.250 --> 01:38:14.375 and here they were offering me the opportunity of a lifetime. 2368 01:38:14.375 --> 01:38:16.833 And what was that opportunity? 2369 01:38:16.833 --> 01:38:20.125 Simply to become 'Ricky Stanicky'. 2370 01:38:20.125 --> 01:38:22.166 [Rod] They said, "You are no longer Rod Rimestead, 2371 01:38:22.166 --> 01:38:23.291 "the loser. 2372 01:38:23.291 --> 01:38:25.625 "From here on out, you're Ricky Stanicky, the winner." 2373 01:38:26.458 --> 01:38:27.625 That was the first time 2374 01:38:27.625 --> 01:38:29.291 somebody had ever believed in me. 2375 01:38:29.291 --> 01:38:32.166 [Stan Grant] After relocating Rod, now Ricky, to Providence, 2376 01:38:32.166 --> 01:38:35.916 Dean Stanton and friends set about creating a new identity 2377 01:38:35.916 --> 01:38:39.958 for the man who'd once MC'ed an X-rated dog show. 2378 01:38:39.958 --> 01:38:41.375 We caution you - 2379 01:38:41.375 --> 01:38:44.708 this next video may be disturbing to some viewers. 2380 01:38:45.375 --> 01:38:47.666 ♪ It's a beautiful night 2381 01:38:47.666 --> 01:38:51.000 ♪ All the stars Shining bright... ♪ 2382 01:38:51.000 --> 01:38:52.875 [guests exclaiming] 2383 01:38:52.875 --> 01:38:54.666 [Carly] Oh, my God! 2384 01:38:54.666 --> 01:38:57.208 [laughing] 2385 01:38:59.291 --> 01:39:03.125 They gave me a book. They called it their bible. 2386 01:39:03.125 --> 01:39:06.375 It was like a blueprint for how to live as Ricky Stanicky. 2387 01:39:06.375 --> 01:39:08.291 How to live a good life. 2388 01:39:08.291 --> 01:39:10.541 How to learn from your errors. 2389 01:39:10.541 --> 01:39:13.000 I saw what I could have been. 2390 01:39:13.000 --> 01:39:14.541 What I'd missed. 2391 01:39:15.166 --> 01:39:17.000 And the more and more I read their bible, 2392 01:39:17.000 --> 01:39:18.041 the more I realized 2393 01:39:18.041 --> 01:39:19.625 this doesn't have to be just a dream. 2394 01:39:19.625 --> 01:39:21.791 [Stan Grant] And so 'Ricky' stopped drinking 2395 01:39:21.791 --> 01:39:24.041 and started respecting himself. 2396 01:39:24.041 --> 01:39:28.000 Soon he had a job here at Summerhayes Financial. 2397 01:39:28.000 --> 01:39:29.958 Dean introduced me to Ted Summerhayes. 2398 01:39:29.958 --> 01:39:31.041 He's one of those rich guys 2399 01:39:31.041 --> 01:39:32.833 who's gotta whip out his big swinging super-yacht 2400 01:39:32.833 --> 01:39:35.000 - to show you how rich he is. - Oh, God... 2401 01:39:35.000 --> 01:39:37.250 But, on the other hand, the guy's got a heart of gold. 2402 01:39:37.250 --> 01:39:39.500 We started Feel-Good Investing. 2403 01:39:39.500 --> 01:39:42.083 And then, through Dean, I met more and more friends. 2404 01:39:43.125 --> 01:39:45.625 I met a beautiful girl, with a beautiful soul. 2405 01:39:45.625 --> 01:39:47.083 Aw. 2406 01:39:47.083 --> 01:39:48.708 And I had a life. 2407 01:39:49.291 --> 01:39:51.041 I became 'Ricky Stanicky'. 2408 01:39:51.041 --> 01:39:53.041 And somewhere in the middle of it all, 2409 01:39:53.041 --> 01:39:57.041 the line between the mythical and the real had blurred. 2410 01:39:57.041 --> 01:40:01.375 And that's how, improbably, a drunken Atlantic City reject 2411 01:40:01.375 --> 01:40:05.416 found himself blessed with a new life in the Ocean State. 2412 01:40:05.416 --> 01:40:08.541 Hero? Me? No. No. 2413 01:40:08.541 --> 01:40:10.000 If there's a hero to this story, 2414 01:40:10.000 --> 01:40:11.625 it's the men who saved my life. 2415 01:40:11.625 --> 01:40:15.083 Dean Stanton, JT Levine and Wes... something. 2416 01:40:15.833 --> 01:40:18.208 [Stan Grant] A story that started out fraudulently, 2417 01:40:18.208 --> 01:40:20.291 somehow, miraculously, 2418 01:40:20.291 --> 01:40:24.625 became a tale of redemption, rebirth and love. 2419 01:40:24.625 --> 01:40:27.958 Because he believed that anybody at any time 2420 01:40:27.958 --> 01:40:30.708 can become the person they want to be, 2421 01:40:30.708 --> 01:40:35.166 we choose Ricky Stanicky as our Hero of the Week. 2422 01:40:35.166 --> 01:40:37.875 [cheering and applause] 2423 01:40:41.041 --> 01:40:44.291 [guests chanting] Ricky! Ricky! Ricky! 2424 01:40:48.166 --> 01:40:52.500 ♪ If you're going to San Francisco... ♪ 2425 01:40:52.500 --> 01:40:53.791 Well... 2426 01:40:53.791 --> 01:40:56.250 you came out of this smelling like a rose, didn't ya? 2427 01:40:56.250 --> 01:40:58.250 How do you think it makes me look? 2428 01:40:58.250 --> 01:41:00.166 Are you kidding me?! 2429 01:41:00.166 --> 01:41:02.708 Such a wonderful and inspirational story, Ted. 2430 01:41:02.708 --> 01:41:04.916 Great job Ted, and you too, Dean. 2431 01:41:04.916 --> 01:41:06.541 Oh, I... I didn't do it. 2432 01:41:06.541 --> 01:41:09.666 Summerhayes. I like the people you surround yourself with. 2433 01:41:09.666 --> 01:41:12.375 I mean, the concept of second chances 2434 01:41:12.375 --> 01:41:14.458 and feeling good about your investments - 2435 01:41:14.458 --> 01:41:16.250 that's something we're trying to achieve. 2436 01:41:16.916 --> 01:41:19.500 Well, that's... what we do. 2437 01:41:19.500 --> 01:41:22.083 Truth is, it was Ted who saw the potential in Ricky. 2438 01:41:22.083 --> 01:41:24.125 It was also his idea to start partnering 2439 01:41:24.125 --> 01:41:26.000 with more charitable organizations. 2440 01:41:26.666 --> 01:41:29.208 - I just saw the tax incentives. - [executives laugh] 2441 01:41:29.208 --> 01:41:31.666 You're a humble son of a bitch, aren't ya? 2442 01:41:31.666 --> 01:41:33.041 Ah... 2443 01:41:33.041 --> 01:41:34.125 So, do we have a deal? 2444 01:41:34.958 --> 01:41:36.375 I don't know. 2445 01:41:36.375 --> 01:41:38.583 Dean, what do you think? 2446 01:41:41.625 --> 01:41:42.958 We have a deal. 2447 01:41:42.958 --> 01:41:45.125 - Absolutely, we have a deal. - Yeah, we have a deal. 2448 01:41:45.125 --> 01:41:46.583 - Great. - Wonderful. 2449 01:41:47.791 --> 01:41:50.750 You let your made-up friend circumcise our child? 2450 01:41:51.750 --> 01:41:54.083 Honey, he worked at Beefsteak Charlie's. 2451 01:41:54.083 --> 01:41:55.541 Beefsteak... 2452 01:41:56.125 --> 01:41:57.625 That is it. 2453 01:41:57.625 --> 01:41:59.291 You are camping out in the backyard 2454 01:41:59.291 --> 01:42:00.416 for the next six months. 2455 01:42:00.416 --> 01:42:01.791 Okay. Okay. 2456 01:42:01.791 --> 01:42:04.333 Very reasonable. That's more than fair. 2457 01:42:04.333 --> 01:42:06.333 It's going to be great. Thank you. 2458 01:42:06.333 --> 01:42:08.083 - [woman] Perfect. - [Summerhayes] Thank you. 2459 01:42:14.958 --> 01:42:16.500 I don't understand. 2460 01:42:17.000 --> 01:42:19.041 How did this happen? 2461 01:42:19.041 --> 01:42:20.541 Well... 2462 01:42:20.541 --> 01:42:23.083 When I found out what you did, I was pissed. 2463 01:42:24.500 --> 01:42:27.875 I told you I sold the story to MFMBC just to fuck with you. 2464 01:42:28.875 --> 01:42:32.125 But when Ricky was hired at Summerhayes, I thought, 2465 01:42:32.125 --> 01:42:36.000 wait a minute, maybe there actually is a story here. 2466 01:42:36.000 --> 01:42:38.291 So I pitched it to my producer at Channel 6. 2467 01:42:38.291 --> 01:42:40.041 They told their friend at MFMBC 2468 01:42:40.041 --> 01:42:42.041 and they gave me the green light. 2469 01:42:44.125 --> 01:42:46.250 All those lies, Erin... 2470 01:42:50.416 --> 01:42:52.375 Can you ever forgive me? 2471 01:42:57.166 --> 01:42:59.333 It's definitely not going to be easy. 2472 01:43:01.041 --> 01:43:02.250 But... 2473 01:43:03.458 --> 01:43:04.833 ...this helps. 2474 01:43:05.500 --> 01:43:07.625 [Dean on recording] I had everything. 2475 01:43:07.625 --> 01:43:09.666 I had good friends. I had a great job. 2476 01:43:11.958 --> 01:43:13.750 The most kind-hearted, 2477 01:43:13.750 --> 01:43:16.583 beautiful person in the whole world loved me. 2478 01:43:16.583 --> 01:43:18.666 [heavy sighing] 2479 01:43:18.666 --> 01:43:21.166 Erin's the best thing that ever happened to me. 2480 01:43:22.125 --> 01:43:23.125 [cell phone clicks] 2481 01:43:24.375 --> 01:43:26.666 Ricky sent it to me today. 2482 01:43:30.333 --> 01:43:32.875 Here we go, here we go, here we go... 2483 01:43:32.875 --> 01:43:34.041 Who's that? 2484 01:43:34.041 --> 01:43:36.291 [tense music] 2485 01:43:36.291 --> 01:43:38.416 [shouting] Ricky! Look out! 2486 01:43:39.125 --> 01:43:40.958 [tense music swells] 2487 01:43:43.875 --> 01:43:45.708 - [Dean grunts] - [thudding] 2488 01:43:45.708 --> 01:43:48.083 Did that go how you thought it would, wanker?! 2489 01:43:49.166 --> 01:43:52.791 Here, Rimestead! You've officially been served. 2490 01:43:53.583 --> 01:43:54.958 What the...? 2491 01:43:55.916 --> 01:43:57.083 What's this? 2492 01:43:57.083 --> 01:44:00.041 This is a cease-and-desist order from Billy Idol. 2493 01:44:00.041 --> 01:44:01.041 Yeah? 2494 01:44:01.041 --> 01:44:02.750 If you disgrace any of his songs 2495 01:44:02.750 --> 01:44:05.458 with your disgusting lyrics ever again, 2496 01:44:05.458 --> 01:44:06.791 we'll see you in court. 2497 01:44:06.791 --> 01:44:08.000 Huh? 2498 01:44:09.500 --> 01:44:10.666 Yeah. 2499 01:44:14.458 --> 01:44:16.000 So Billy Idol saw my act? 2500 01:44:16.000 --> 01:44:17.583 Fuck off! 2501 01:44:18.875 --> 01:44:20.250 Sweet! 2502 01:44:20.791 --> 01:44:23.125 More champagne, everyone! 2503 01:44:23.125 --> 01:44:25.250 [guests cheering] 2504 01:44:26.375 --> 01:44:27.750 Billy Idol! 2505 01:44:27.750 --> 01:44:29.791 ["I'm Depending On You" by Otis Redding plays] 2506 01:44:29.791 --> 01:44:32.708 ♪ I'm depending on you ♪ 2507 01:44:32.708 --> 01:44:35.791 ♪ Everything that you do ♪ 2508 01:44:36.541 --> 01:44:40.125 ♪ And I'm depending on you ♪ 2509 01:44:40.125 --> 01:44:43.416 ♪ Yeah, to see me through ♪ 2510 01:44:43.916 --> 01:44:46.583 ♪ You know that I love you... ♪ 2511 01:44:46.583 --> 01:44:48.541 Is this Al Green? 2512 01:44:48.541 --> 01:44:50.166 It's Otis Redding. 2513 01:44:50.166 --> 01:44:51.625 Was Otis Redding blind? 2514 01:44:51.625 --> 01:44:54.375 - No. - You sure? 2515 01:44:54.375 --> 01:44:57.333 - He sounds blind. - He does sound blind. 2516 01:44:57.333 --> 01:44:58.583 He wasn't... 2517 01:44:58.583 --> 01:45:00.583 I'll take a... cranberry juice. 2518 01:45:00.583 --> 01:45:03.041 Neat. And a plate of your crispiest calamari. 2519 01:45:03.541 --> 01:45:06.708 - Epic night, am I right, guys? - [all] Yeah. 2520 01:45:06.708 --> 01:45:08.541 [Carly] Ricky! Get over here. 2521 01:45:09.291 --> 01:45:10.791 [Wes] Oh! 2522 01:45:11.750 --> 01:45:14.166 Time to go bump and grind with my fiancée. 2523 01:45:14.166 --> 01:45:15.791 You're kidding, right? 2524 01:45:15.791 --> 01:45:17.208 Yeah. 2525 01:45:17.208 --> 01:45:18.791 But I don't know, who knows, right? 2526 01:45:18.791 --> 01:45:21.416 Oh, hey, keep Saturday afternoon open. 2527 01:45:21.416 --> 01:45:22.833 We got a ton of work to do. 2528 01:45:22.833 --> 01:45:25.625 - Work on a Saturday? - Yeah, I signed us up. 2529 01:45:25.625 --> 01:45:27.500 We're going to help clean up Narragansett Bay. 2530 01:45:27.500 --> 01:45:29.000 [laughing] 2531 01:45:29.000 --> 01:45:30.041 Yeah, man. 2532 01:45:30.041 --> 01:45:33.000 I'm not messing with you. We're cleaning that shit up. 2533 01:45:39.541 --> 01:45:41.041 [Wes] Man. 2534 01:45:43.458 --> 01:45:45.000 To Ricky Stanicky. 2535 01:45:45.583 --> 01:45:47.541 To Ricky Stanicky. 2536 01:45:47.541 --> 01:45:49.500 The best friend we ever had. 2537 01:45:49.500 --> 01:45:50.625 [bottles clinking] 2538 01:45:50.625 --> 01:45:52.250 ["I'm Depending On You" fades out] 2539 01:45:52.250 --> 01:45:55.875 [The Lemon Twigs] ♪ In my head In my head ♪ 2540 01:45:55.875 --> 01:45:59.333 ♪ I am different in my head ♪ 2541 01:45:59.333 --> 01:46:02.708 ♪ I am someone else instead ♪ 2542 01:46:02.708 --> 01:46:08.666 ♪ In my head In my head ♪ 2543 01:46:12.125 --> 01:46:15.583 ♪ In my mind In my mind ♪ 2544 01:46:15.583 --> 01:46:19.250 ♪ There is sadness All the time ♪ 2545 01:46:19.250 --> 01:46:22.916 ♪ And I keep the things I find ♪ 2546 01:46:22.916 --> 01:46:29.333 ♪ In my mind In my mind ♪ 2547 01:46:31.750 --> 01:46:35.750 ♪ And never do I share These things with anyone ♪ 2548 01:46:35.750 --> 01:46:40.333 ♪ The feeling is cold And I'm afraid ♪ 2549 01:46:40.333 --> 01:46:43.708 ♪ Strangers passing, mmm ♪ 2550 01:46:49.875 --> 01:46:53.541 ♪ In my dream In my dream ♪ 2551 01:46:53.541 --> 01:46:57.291 ♪ There are symbols That repeat ♪ 2552 01:46:57.291 --> 01:47:00.916 ♪ There are copies In the street ♪ 2553 01:47:00.916 --> 01:47:06.208 ♪ In my dream In my dream ♪ 2554 01:47:09.750 --> 01:47:13.666 ♪ And never do I share These things with anyone ♪ 2555 01:47:13.666 --> 01:47:18.000 ♪ The feeling is cold And I'm afraid ♪ 2556 01:47:18.000 --> 01:47:21.208 ♪ Strangers passing, mmm. ♪ 2557 01:47:22.208 --> 01:47:23.958 [song ends] 2558 01:47:25.250 --> 01:47:27.541 ["Day In The Sun" plays] 2559 01:47:27.541 --> 01:47:30.333 [song by John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band] 2560 01:47:41.291 --> 01:47:44.416 ♪ Well, now, my engine's Overheating ♪ 2561 01:47:44.416 --> 01:47:47.791 ♪ A summer traffic jam ♪ 2562 01:47:49.958 --> 01:47:52.166 ♪ I'll be late for work again ♪ 2563 01:47:52.166 --> 01:47:56.583 ♪ But I'm doing The best that I can ♪ 2564 01:47:58.500 --> 01:48:01.000 ♪ Don't you look away, baby ♪ 2565 01:48:02.833 --> 01:48:06.541 ♪ My life just ain't What it seems ♪ 2566 01:48:06.541 --> 01:48:09.458 ♪ I got such big dreams, baby ♪ 2567 01:48:09.458 --> 01:48:13.625 ♪ My heart's busting At the seams ♪ 2568 01:48:14.125 --> 01:48:18.458 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2569 01:48:18.458 --> 01:48:22.708 ♪ Like gold tequila Shooting summer fun ♪ 2570 01:48:22.708 --> 01:48:26.166 ♪ I wanna be your number one ♪ 2571 01:48:26.166 --> 01:48:28.791 ♪ Your son of a gun ♪ 2572 01:48:30.208 --> 01:48:34.166 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2573 01:48:34.166 --> 01:48:38.791 ♪ Don't try to tell me That my race is run ♪ 2574 01:48:38.791 --> 01:48:42.208 ♪ Nothing's over, baby Nothing done ♪ 2575 01:48:42.208 --> 01:48:47.833 ♪ 'Til we have won Everybody wants one ♪ 2576 01:48:48.750 --> 01:48:51.125 ♪ Day in the sun ♪ 2577 01:48:52.250 --> 01:48:56.583 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2578 01:48:56.583 --> 01:48:59.458 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2579 01:49:00.666 --> 01:49:04.041 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2580 01:49:23.375 --> 01:49:26.208 ♪ Piece of work In progress, baby ♪ 2581 01:49:27.583 --> 01:49:31.000 ♪ But I'm trying not To let it show ♪ 2582 01:49:31.791 --> 01:49:34.875 ♪ You're my dream Come true, baby ♪ 2583 01:49:34.875 --> 01:49:38.416 ♪ A dream I can't let go ♪ 2584 01:49:39.041 --> 01:49:43.208 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2585 01:49:43.208 --> 01:49:47.416 ♪ Like gold tequila Shooting summer fun ♪ 2586 01:49:47.416 --> 01:49:51.041 ♪ I wanna be your number one ♪ 2587 01:49:51.041 --> 01:49:53.500 ♪ Your son of a gun ♪ 2588 01:49:55.166 --> 01:49:59.166 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2589 01:49:59.166 --> 01:50:03.583 ♪ Don't try to tell me That my race is run ♪ 2590 01:50:03.583 --> 01:50:07.250 ♪ Nothing's over, baby Nothing done ♪ 2591 01:50:07.250 --> 01:50:12.958 ♪ 'Til we have won Everybody wants one ♪ 2592 01:50:13.875 --> 01:50:16.625 ♪ Day in the sun ♪ 2593 01:50:17.250 --> 01:50:21.625 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2594 01:50:21.625 --> 01:50:24.375 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2595 01:50:25.708 --> 01:50:30.208 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2596 01:50:30.208 --> 01:50:33.083 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2597 01:50:38.375 --> 01:50:41.500 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2598 01:50:42.750 --> 01:50:47.166 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2599 01:50:47.166 --> 01:50:49.833 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2600 01:50:51.250 --> 01:50:55.666 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2601 01:50:55.666 --> 01:50:58.666 ♪ Day in the sun with you. ♪ 2602 01:51:10.291 --> 01:51:12.458 [song ends] 2603 01:51:13.750 --> 01:51:16.708 Before I get to that, I would like to say this. 2604 01:51:16.708 --> 01:51:20.833 ♪ I like bigger, I like smaller I can do both ♪ 2605 01:51:20.833 --> 01:51:24.458 ♪ I like dinosaurs And I like woke ♪ 2606 01:51:24.458 --> 01:51:26.041 ♪ That's what we have to do ♪ 2607 01:51:26.041 --> 01:51:29.041 ♪ Some people say you can't But you, and you, me ♪ 2608 01:51:29.041 --> 01:51:31.208 ♪ All of us Together we can stand ♪ 2609 01:51:31.208 --> 01:51:33.083 ♪ We'll have bigger We'll have smaller ♪ 2610 01:51:33.083 --> 01:51:35.083 ♪ We can do both Do both ♪ 2611 01:51:35.083 --> 01:51:36.541 ♪ We like dinosaurs ♪ 2612 01:51:36.541 --> 01:51:38.416 ♪ And we like woke Like woke ♪ 2613 01:51:38.416 --> 01:51:40.375 ♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪ 2614 01:51:40.375 --> 01:51:42.291 ♪ I say we can ♪ 2615 01:51:42.291 --> 01:51:45.791 ♪ We will be able to narrow Maintain and expand ♪ 2616 01:51:45.791 --> 01:51:47.208 ♪ We are sharks ♪ 2617 01:51:47.208 --> 01:51:49.333 ♪ Why? ♪ 2618 01:51:49.333 --> 01:51:52.500 ♪ If we don't move forward We die ♪ 2619 01:51:52.500 --> 01:51:54.166 ♪ We'll have bigger We'll have smaller ♪ 2620 01:51:54.166 --> 01:51:56.166 ♪ We can do both Do both ♪ 2621 01:51:56.166 --> 01:51:57.666 ♪ We like dinosaurs ♪ 2622 01:51:57.666 --> 01:51:59.625 ♪ And we like woke Like woke ♪ 2623 01:51:59.625 --> 01:52:01.583 ♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪ 2624 01:52:01.583 --> 01:52:03.250 ♪ I say we can ♪ 2625 01:52:03.250 --> 01:52:06.666 ♪ We will be able to narrow Maintain and expand ♪ 2626 01:52:06.666 --> 01:52:08.375 ♪ We can do both. ♪