[slow orchestral music]
Downloaded from YTS.MX
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
[stone grinding]
[slow thrumming]
[slow ominous music]
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs barking]
[dog snarls]
[group quietly chattering]
- [Announcer] All right, people, let's-
[bell rings]
[slow music]
- [Woman] I should have listened to my agent.
I just stepped in dog shit,
and it got between my toes, and it's humid,
besides some dog shit.
At least I hope it was dog shit. [sighs]
Ugh, seriously, I don't know what else can go wrong
with this picture.
Hey, I am, I am trying, I really am here.
I'm holding on for dear life,
but it's like this universe has it out
for this project or something.
[dog barks]
What?
[dog growls]
Hey.
- So you emerge from the darkness.
You're being chased by a cavalry as hounds.
As you get out to the field, the cavalry of hounds,
they engulf you, and you reach your hand into the sky,
just as they come upon you. - What?
- And there's-
- That is nothing like what we rehearsed,
nothing like what we rehearsed.
What are you talking about, what?
Like, I am all about, like,
action, okay, and- and- and I really am,
but we have to be, like, it's gotta be-
- [Director] Fuck my life.
- Controlled. Controlled authentic, okay?
Nobody wants to die here, okay?
Now, you know I love dogs, but these dogs are super weird-
- These dogs? - Something's off.
- You mean our dogs?
- Yes.
- Our dogs wouldn't hurt a fly.
- Are you kidding me?
Have you checked in with the craft service guy?
- Yeah, no.
- Okay, well, let me let you in on something.
They couldn't reattach his finger.
He's down to nine, so completely,
please, come up with some plan
where I get to leave here with 10 of my fingers.
- The only plan I know is the one
where it looks like you're getting mauled,
and that's why your wardrobe is tailor made
for this kind of heroism.
- Fuck, what about the blood?
Is the blood okay for the dog?
- Yeah.
- It's been green lighted by the vet
and everything? - Yes, it's top-shelf organic
pig's blood, I had it right here, okay?
This is, like, a five star Michelin meal for these guys.
- You're kidding, right, pig's blood?
Pig's blood, are you fucking kidding me?
- No.
- So- so you want to bathe me in pig's blood
and send these dogs after me and to attack me?
Are you, are you, that's it,
you know- - Look, this has gotta be
final, they've gotta have
real hunger, okay? - No, I can't take anymore.
I am done. - If they're not drooling-
- [Announcer] That's it, wrap it up.
[both speaking Spanish]
[Maria Spanish]
[Marco speaking Spanish]
[dogs barking]
[dog whines]
[dog howls]
- [Maria] Montoya?
[Maria speaking Spanish]
[bat chitters]
[bat screeches]
[Maria Spanish]
[dog howls]
[crickets chirping]
[dog whines]
[bat chitters]
[slow ominous music]
[bats screeching]
[Maria cries out]
[dogs growling]
- Maria?
Come on, Maria.
[leaves rustling]
[slow ominous music continues]
- Montoya?
[dog whines]
Montoya?
[Maria whistles]
[dog pants]
[bat chitters]
Montoya?
[slow dramatic music]
[dog growls]
[leash clinks]
[dog growls]
[dog barks]
[dogs howling]
- Maria?
[dog growls]
[dog barks]
[Marco speaking Spanish]
[Maria speaking Spanish]
[dog growls]
[Maria grunts]
[Maria speaking Spanish]
[Hector speaking Spanish]
[Maria speaking Spanish]
[Hector speaking Spanish]
[dogs growling]
[cage door creaks]
[dog barks]
[dog continues barking]
[dog growls]
[Marco shouts]
- [Maria] Marco!
[Marco screams]
Marco?
[Hector speaking Spanish]
[slow dramatic music]
[dog growls]
[Hector speaking Spanish]
[Maria speaking Spanish]
[dogs barking]
[slow dramatic music continues]
- Marco?
- [Hector] Maria.
[dog growls]
[Hector screams]
[dog growls]
[Maria cries out]
[slow dramatic music continues]
[dog barks]
[slow dramatic music continues]
[dog barks]
[glass shatters]
[Maria pants]
[dog snarls]
[dog barks]
[Hector cries out]
[Hector screams]
- Hector!
[dog whines]
[truck door slams]
[Maria pants]
[dog growls]
[dog snarls]
[Maria screams]
[dogs barking]
[Maria screams]
[dogs barking]
[dogs howling]
[seagulls crying]
[upbeat music]
[howls]
Yeah, dude, and I am bringing five content creators, what?
Five top content creators to come to this island
to save these beautiful mutts
and give them the boozy influencer lifestyle.
I am Willy Wonka with the Golden Ticket,
and the hot young Timothée Chalamet Willy Wonka,
not the old, creepy one.
I'm bringing these digital dynamos to this island
and I'm gonna say their names
- Right now, drum roll.
- First on the list.
[slow electronic music]
for the next generation of busy ladies.
[marble clatters] [toy squeaks]
[slow music]
[machine whirs]
[slow electronic music]
And that's how you dominate your morning ritual.
- [Computer] Vince Ventura mentioned you
in his live stream, play video?
- Play. - [Computer] Play.
- First on the list, the unparalleled Killer Queen.
You and your life hack, beautifully meta.
Next on the list- - Hell, yeah.
- Big Farmer.
♪ Stacking clucks ♪
♪ Riding on this tractor, that's what's up ♪
♪ 'Sup, 'sup ♪
♪ Goats in the field ♪
♪ Making green all day ♪
♪ Chickens in the barn ♪
♪ Stacking clucks, on this black tractor ♪
♪ That's what's up ♪
♪ Sun's up, goats in the field ♪
- You gotta check this out.
- Hey, man, don't you see
Big Farmer Jay dropping some tasty bars?
- It's super fresh. [phone chirps]
But so is this.
Vince Ventura. - Big Farmer Jay.
- [Vince] He's inviting you to a private island.
- Yo, Big Farmer Jay, I can't wait to bask in your energy.
- Dope.
- [Vince] And next, our very own toxic peacock, Mason Kelly.
[Mason laughs]
- Vince Ventura, it's about time you recognized real talent.
- You flip a bird to bureaucracy
with every block you chain, brother.
- I made it! [cheers]
- But don't get too comfy in your little ego mansion,
okay, Mason, don't get too comfy in your little ego mansion.
There are a couple more people coming,
the Shenanigan siblings, Violet Femme and Collins Cleverly.
- Who the hell are they?
[slow music]
- [Collins] Hey, yo, V, come on.
Get those knees up, move a little faster.
Come on, we're lagging on our live stream.
- You're the one who was late.
- Well, I was busy securing our future.
Mystics, the vape company, they're in for 10 grand.
- Collins.
- Hmm?
- Our viewers are kids.
- That is precisely why they chose us, Violet.
Those kids are the 18-year-olds of tomorrow.
- [Violet] Hmm.
- Nice tattoo design.
Hey, you know there's an app for this, right?
You just, like-
- [Violet] Dude.
- Snap it and done in, like, three seconds flat,
but no shade, that's um,
that's actually pretty legit.
- Okay, first of all, fuck you.
And thank you, I guess, I kind of like it too.
- You ready to make some magic?
- Can you just give me a second
to shift from tortured artist to click bait clown?
- Not everyone can pull off what we do, V,
and that's, like, the definition of art, right-
- [Violet] Well, I'm pretty sure it's not art.
- [Collins] Yeah, well, it's also keeping the lights
on here, so, you know, let's raise the bar
and brighten up the room a little bit-
- Ooh, ooh, what fresh hell is this?
- The "Not My Arms" Cake Decorating Challenge.
- Ooh, no, I am the arms.
- Nope, you're vertically challenged.
Your face would be out of frame.
Look, art is what we make of it, all right?
- Philosophical gems from the star
of my pits on your pendulums.
- Well, try not to kill my good vibes
when we're about to go live in five, four, three, two.
Hey, y'all, we're gonna do something totally insane.
We're gonna see if we can decorate the beautiful cake
and have Violet eat it in today's.
- [Both] "Not My Hands" Cake Decorating and Eating Challenge.
- I will not just be decorating this cake,
but I guess now eating it too.
- But why are we like this?
It's not gonna be Violet's hands doing all the work.
No, no, no, no, it's gonna get crazy, crazy.
[Violet laughs]
- Oh, don't forget the sprinkles.
Mm, it's so good.
- Hey, hey, Violet.
What do the fans think of our performance so far?
- Oh, "internet royalty," thanks, guys.
- Internet royalty.
- Yeah, sure, we'll take it.
- Two thumbs up, baby.
- And, oh, an invite to Vince Ventura's island.
Sorry, we can't make it 'cause we're skydiving
with Elon Musk. - No, no, no, no.
Hold on, dude, that's fucking legit.
Oh, yeah, that's from the GOAT himself.
- Oh, mm-mm.
- Yes, yes. [slow music]
- Looks so great.
- It's almost iconic.
- That's a good-looking group right there.
Aw, man, Thalia, you're the shit.
- Yo, mad love, for real.
I'm just out here sprinkling some vibes,
hoping you guys make viral history.
All right, come on, follow me to the promised land.
- [Jay] Let's do it.
- Let's go pet some puppies.
[pop music playing]
[helicopter blades whirring]
- [Jay] I see you with the flashy jet playboy.
- Well, that country swag a little extra, yo,
but if that's your jam, I don't judge.
- It kind of sounds like you do.
- [Jay] I ain't tripping on it, little mama. [laughs]
- Who are you two, again, the Chamois siblings?
- No, no, no, we're the-
- Actually, nevermind.
- We're the Shenanigan siblings.
- I don't care.
- Yeah, we just crossed
four million subs last month, actually.
I listened to your podcast about pulling back the wallpaper
on the financial facade, like, that shit was dope, dude.
- Thanks, bro.
- Yo, Farmer dude, check this out.
That's my calling coin, a key to the Mason Kelly kingdom.
Scan that QR code and bam, [snaps]
you're one Bitcoin richer.
- [Thalia] Oh, that's lit.
- What, you guys didn't know?
Bananas are, like, natural bug shields.
If you had watched my vids,
you'd be clued into this already, but hey.
- That peel mixed with
your perfume smell like banana pudding.
Damn, now I want some banana pudding.
- Yo, guys, peep the flip side of the island.
That's where we're laying down a track system
for our trams, pretty dope, right?
- [Mason] It's popping.
- Yeah, everyone, see that boat down there?
That's gonna be the Vincetopia party barge.
It'll take people from the city straight
to this slice of paradise of ours for tours.
♪ All I need is the sun in my sight ♪
- Hey, when do we get to meet the man himself?
- Oh, dude, Vince is just maxing and relaxing, island-style.
He is counting down the seconds
'til he gets to meet you guys.
Oh, hey, look, there he is now, my man.
[upbeat music]
[helicopter blades whirring]
- [Killer Queen] Whoa.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is huge for us, V.
- Hola, my special guests.
Welcome to Vincetopia.
That's right, I colonized this bitch.
Give it here, give it here.
- Dude, we gotta live stream this shit, ASAP.
Hey, do you have wifi here?
- Hey, yo, Vince, your boy wants to know
if you got the wifi hooked up.
- I can do you one better, my boy.
I got my own cell tower.
- That's fucking dope. [group chattering]
- Look at that, I call her the Iron Giant,
'cause she makes me cry every time I watch her.
It's gorgeous, it's built by kids.
That's legal here.
Oh, but guess what, you guys?
You can't use it!
- Huh?
- Come on, dude, that FOMO will turn
into JOMO, I promise.
That's Joy of Missing Out, it's trademarked, come on.
I'll give you all the dirty deets later,
but for now, no one's touching my sacred wifi.
- [Mason] It's going up.
- He's saving his sacred wifi for that special someone.
- [Mason] Look at this place.
It looks like a tropical resort.
- [Violet] Wait, how did you engineer this?
- [Killer Queen] Did you engineer this yourself?
- Yes, the resort is just the beginning.
Wait 'til you the see beautiful
doggy paradise this island will become.
It's a gorgeous aerial view, you guys. [gasps]
Oh, look, look, look, look, look, right there.
- Hello, future citizens.
[dog howls]
- [Mason] What, they're fucking wild dogs?
- I can't wait to meet you.
Behold, these canines are the backbone
of our little viral odyssey.
- German shepherds?
- Mm-hmm, yes, I see the depth
and nuance like a fine bourbon, impressive animals.
- [Vince] Good eye.
- Look at you, looking all lush and plush.
Oh, you my special little fluffy-
[dog growls]
- Easy, easy, easy, cowboy. [laughs]
They'll be your best friends soon enough,
but for now, let's go enjoy some hors d'oeuvres.
- Let's give it up for Vince, everybody. [claps]
- All right, cute dogs, let's go.
- Give it up for Vince.
[dog barks]
- [Vince] I'm like the Oprah of dogs. [laughs]
[dog growls]
- She gotta go to the bathroom.
- Waivers and IDs.
- Right this way. [group chattering]
After you, my dudes.
But never poop inside there, don't poop in there.
After you.
Enjoy yourself, Vincetopia awaits.
- Huzzah, you didn't think I'd leave you hanging, did you?
Feast, feast, my internet gladiators.
- Hey, are you wearing the new Gucci robe?
- That's actually Yeezy's Messiah Collection.
So down the hall,
you'll find your own private chambers of slumber.
Tomorrow morning, we brunch and unleash the real magic.
Until then, Thalia and I have some groundwork to lay
for the main event, so do me a favor
and stick to the indoor shenanigans for tonight,
all right, indoor shenanigans, au revoir.
- [Jay] That food look good.
[helicopter blades whirring]
- [Vince] Ah, there she goes.
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs growling]
- I do this for a living.
You know how many animals
I have to wrangle up? - You wrangle dogs
for a living?
- I wrangle cows.
- Tell me what you think
about our fellow icons of the internet.
- I feel like we've dropped down
into the carnival of crazies,
and Mason Kelly is the guest of honor.
- Yeah, he's not exactly YouTube friendly, huh?
- Vince Ventura, oho, I don't trust his judgment.
No, a kiddie pool has more depth.
- Oh, that was pretty cold, V.
Okay, [clears throat] how about we pivot to something a bit
fluffier?
- Huh, the dogs?
- Thoughts?
- Oh, I think they should stay, and we probably shouldn't.
- Yeah, well, yeah, you're always way more team cat
than dog squad, huh?
- No, I love the dogs.
I just think the whole setup is sketchy.
- Oh, nah, nah, oh, hey, yo, no.
This is the fucking man, okay?
He's throwing so much money into this island
to give these dogs a paradise.
- It was their paradise before his bank account showed up.
[Collins laughs]
- Hey, yo, what's up, Violet?
You all good in the 'hood?
- Yeah, I'm just gonna step out
for a breath of the great outdoors, you carry on.
- Okay, but didn't Vince issue a no go, she already.
- Man, she don't give a.
[group quietly chattering]
[Violet groans]
[dog barks]
[dog whines]
[dog howls]
[dogs howling]
[dogs barking]
[dogs howling]
[dog whines]
[dog growls]
- Aw, you're still up, huh?
[dog whines]
Hey.
You don't like being locked in this cage, do you?
I wish I had a treat for you.
[dog whines]
[dog barks]
[Violet gasps]
[dog barks]
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs barking]
Okay, nope.
[dog barks]
[Violet pants]
[slow dramatic music continues]
[twig snaps]
[Violet pants]
[slow dramatic music]
[Violet gasps]
Oh, fuck, Collins.
- I was trying to snag this moody shot of you.
I figured you'd moseyed-
- You scared the shit out of me.
- Hey, check it out.
- Let's check it out.
- You were so serving final girl energy here.
- Eat a dick.
- Wow, this is, like, mad homophobic, Violet.
- As if being stuck on Vince Ventura's version
of "Survivor" isn't shitty enough,
you're now hiding behind the trees,
acting like a little creeper, gathering content?
I love ya, but I quit.
- Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, so what,
you're just gonna go back to your cave
and draw some pictures for the maddening crowd?
- At least in my cave, I don't have to bend over for likes.
- Look, this is our shot, Violet.
You're always saying you want to make a mark,
this is it, #savethedogs.
- Well, that just sounds like more risk
and click bait to me.
- Hey, come on, stop, Violet.
We could sway millions, gain followers, earn trust, like,
that's all influence, and- - It's suffocating for me.
- That shit counts for something, right?
- Literally, what you are describing is soul sucking,
and I have had plenty of that ever since I got a bar
that I have to manage that's falling apart,
and I'm managing your dreams, and I'm managing you.
- Me?
[slow music]
Cool, so what am I, some dreaded task
between paying bills and existential dread?
- Like, crafting content from the comfort
of our little studio, that's cool,
and I'm cool with that, but diving
into the vapid creator circus,
it's just, I can't do it.
- All right, so look,
maybe everyone here is a little eccentric.
[Violet scoffs]
But they're as real as it gets, Violet.
It's okay to like them.
They have their anxieties and ambitions, same as you.
I mean, have you ever considered
that maybe you're just a bit jealous
because they're living life to the fullest and you're not?
[Violet sighs]
- They're as real as it gets?
They're as real as it gets?
They're as real as it gets,
and you're saying that I have some psychological issue
that's keeping me from growing
into a real two-dimensional creator, just like them?
Okay, let me just try this out.
Hi, world, it's me, Violet, live from the intersection
of Botox and bleached assholes.
Drop your dignity in the comments.
What's up, blockchain believers?
On this episode of the Bro Bible, we'll teach you how
to throw Bitcoin at bitches, and we guarantee
they'll either put out or shut up. [imitates laughing]
Don't forget to smash the like button.
Dude, if that is your definition of life to the fullest,
that is so fucking bleak.
[Collins laughs]
[Collins claps]
- Oh, man, I should have been recording on that, Violet.
Damn, that-
- Shut up.
- Performance was gold.
- Shut up, dude. [Collins laughs]
- Oh, major missed opportunity, yo, "Oh, oh, duh, duh."
- Shut up. [Collins laughs]
- V.
- Yeah?
- What- what's your play, like, what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna swim back to civilization?
- Yeah, I'm gonna swim back.
No, I think Thalia's my ticket out of here.
- Thalia smells like Starbucks,
sunscreen, and weed.
- Collins.
- Please, just chill.
Come on, just give it one night,
just one little night for me, one night-
- Okay, fine, fine, tonight.
But if I find myself the star
of some sleep shaming reel, [laughs] you are dead.
- V, I wouldn't dream of doing that to you,
but, but, yes. [bats chittering]
If tomorrow's a flop-
- Uh-huh?
- We bounce together, all right, deal?
[Collins spits]
Deal? - Deal.
- All right.
[door rattles]
[waves lapping]
- [Killer Queen] This is so good.
- [Mason] These are good, right here.
[group chattering]
- [Jay] All right, hand me that, hand me that.
- [Violet] Actually, I have a question.
- Good morning, squad!
[group cheers]
NDAs are signed?
- [Thalia] We're all clear. - Yeah.
- I kind of-
- All good, I'm off to my hideaway.
- All righty. [claps]
[chair creaks]
15 years ago, this island-
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, so are we gonna start hugging trees
and crying about global warming or some shit?
- Mason, you're really dropping a bomb
on my energy here, so.
- You're right, you're right.
[Vince breathes deeply]
- 15 years ago, this island
that we are on right now became the setting
for a Hollywood horror story starring the legendary
Hayden Hearst and a pack of rabid dogs.
The film was never finished
because the animal trainers just, poof, [snaps]
they vanished, never to be seen again,
and the dogs were sadly abandoned,
left to rule this island.
- So is there, like, an animals' actors guild or something?
[group laughs]
- Nah, I tried that once.
I had this capybara.
This motherfucker was, like, a thespian genius.
♪ Capybara, capybara... ♪
- But they wouldn't let him get his SAG card,
something about no shrews policy or some shit like that.
- Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
Capybaras are rodents.
- Oh, excuse the fuck out of me,
your royal highness of Rodent-ial ecology.
- Hey, guys, do me a favor. [group laughs]
We're not here to talk about the capybara paradise.
This is actually about building.
[watch beeps]
[group laughs]
- Is that an A-train?
- That is a sky tram with doggy dispensaries at every stop.
But this isn't about the treats and tummy rubs,
though there will be, [laughs] there will be a lot of that.
No, this is about transforming these dogs
from ragged to radiant,
and then releasing them to live out the rest
of their days in the land of Milk-Bones and honey.
- Um, can you just circle back,
'cause what are we supposed to be doing here?
Why are we here?
- Great question.
- Thank you.
- We are here for the Great Canine Crusade Challenge.
It will be ubiquitous, it will be part of the zeitgeist.
We will join forces to help rescue the free roaming dogs
of this island.
It's a race, the twist, whoever bags the most tail waggers
will be winning the deed to this entire island.
- Shit. [group chattering]
- And the best part?
I have rigged cameras all over the island,
which I will personally be editing
into an epic eight-part saga.
[group cheers]
- Shit, hey, I'm in, I'm in, you got me.
[group laughs]
- Hold up, I'm trying to understand this.
So you are turning a wild dog chase into a reality show
under the guise of animal activism,
when really, it's just about the clicks.
That's what I'm hearing.
- Well, I mean, the clicks are just the gravy.
But since we're on the topic of subs,
I guess let's dive into it.
Whether or not you are the one that snags the grand prize,
you will be a winner, regardless.
Once we finish this video, we will be premiering it
across the globe exclusively on your channels.
- [Jay] Yeah, yes. [group chattering]
- So you will be riding a sort of subscriber tsunami.
[group laughs]
It'll be a sort of, you know, a success explosion
in three, two, one.
- Boom.
[group laughs]
- [Jay] I'm with that.
- Hold on, for real?
- Yeah, for real.
- You think I'm gonna play wild dog catcher out there,
out in that fucking jungle?
- Mason, buddy, brother.
You're our alpha wolf.
- Facts.
- [Vince] What's up, yes.
- [Mason] All right.
- Big Farmer Jay, buddy, you're our animal expert,
and Killer Queen, your hilarious little life hacks are
definitely gonna come in handy out there.
- Oh, they're not supposed to be funny.
- You made a sushi roll kit out of a dildo.
[Mason laughs]
And Violet Femme-
- My god, now my name's gonna be linked
to a dildo sushi roller for the rest of my life.
- Your straight shooting persona,
mixed with Collins' effervescent Matthew McConaughey energy,
it's like lightening in a bottle.
- Well, thank you so much.
- One of those dogs tried to
bust out of its cage last night and bite me.
- Wait, what?
- For real? - What?
- I specifically said no nighttime strolls.
- I think you're missing the headline.
- Okay, listen.
[table bangs] [silverware clatters]
Do you want to win a fucking island or not?
- It was, like, foaming around its mouth.
I think it has rabies.
Are you a vet?
- Whoa, whoa, timeout, timeout.
Are we talking rabies here?
Because that's a game changer-
- I don't tangle with no rabies, big dog.
That's some serious shit.
- They're not monsters, what are you so afraid of?
They are puppy dogs.
Just come out, come on, I'll show you, all right?
Let's meet the pups, these rabies monsters.
Right this way, follow the sausage,
the one in my hand, not my pants.
[dogs whining] [group chattering]
They get a little bit groggy.
It's the morning, dudes.
Give them some time to wake up.
[dogs whining]
Aw, there's our little baby.
Hi, baby boy, they're so sweet.
- [Jay] Yeah.
- Sweet, that's the noise they make when they love you.
Hi, little puppy dog. See, guys, here.
[gate chimes]
- [Jay] Oh, letting them out?
- See? [dog growls]
Whoa, whoa, okay, okay, [laughs] all right.
We call this one Spike, see?
Hi, Spike, you want a, he's a good boy, he's a good boy.
See, he's nicer than I remember.
Hi, Spikey, who's a good boy, who's a good boy?
[dog barks]
Who's a good homeless jungle dog?
[Vince screams]
[group shouting]
- [Mason] Oh, shit.
[group screaming]
[Vince screams]
- He's just got his ass eaten out by these-
[group screams]
- Shit.
[slow dramatic music] [group yelling]
[doors slamming]
[dog snarls]
- [Killer Queen] Go, go, go, go!
We gotta get in, we gotta get in.
- Oh, my god. [group chattering]
He's gonna bust in.
- I'm done, I'm done, I'm out.
[door bangs]
- Is that door gonna hold?
- [Killer Queen] Not much longer.
- [Violet] Maybe we ought to block the doors, guys.
- [Mason] He's dead.
- Oh, shit.
- [faint music playing on speaker]
- [Mason] Do you hear them?
- Oh, god, he's out there.
He's out there somewhere.
- [Collins] Yo, Farmer Jay, be careful over there.
- [computer voice in background]
It's a sanctuary and safari, an adventure rolled into one.
- [Collins] Hey, do you see anything?
- [Computer] Here, dogs of every shape-
- [Collins] Farmer Jay, do you see something?
- [Jay] No.
- [Computer] Inviting you to join them, join them-
- [Collins] Is it locked?
[Jay sighs]
- [Killer Queen] Stay right there, stay right there.
- Oh, fuck.
- [Mason] Come on.
- [Jay] There's nothing out there.
- [Violet] You sure?
- Oh, shit, hmm mm.
- [Collins] Oh! [glass shatters]
Oh, oh!
- [Killer Queen] Oh, shit.
- [Violet] Collins, watch out! [dog barks]
- Violet, oh, my god.
[group shouting]
[dog barks]
I got it, I got it, I got it, hey.
[vase shatters]
[dog moans]
- [Violet] Collins, move.
[all shouting]
[dog barks]
- [Mason] This one is for Vince,
you motherfucker. - Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- What are you doing? - Chill!
[group shouting]
[Jay yells]
- [Collins] Shit!
- [Killer Queen] Oh, shit!
- [Jay] You motherfucker.
[Collins screams]
- [Violet] Collins, Collins! [group shouting]
- Get the fuck off! - Get him, get him!
- Get the fuck off me!
[dog barks] [group yelling]
- [Killer Queen] Get him, get him, get him,
stupid motherfucker, go!
- [Collins] Mason!
[group shouting]
[dog barks]
- Don't just fucking stand there.
Let's go, get out.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- [Mason] Let's go to the wine cellar!
[Collins cries out]
- [Violet] Collins!
- Collins, get the fuck up!
[Collins screams]
- What the fuck?
- [Jay] No, the dog's fucking him, the dog's fucking him.
- I do not consent.
- [Jay] Stop fucking my friend.
- Hang on, I have an idea. [group yelling]
I have the fire extinguisher.
Get ready for the smoke show, bitch.
- Let's go!
[slow dramatic music]
[dog growls]
[dog barks]
- [Mason] Hurry up!
- I'm trying to move fast.
Come on, Collins. - [Jay] Hey, what's that?
I don't even know what that was.
- [Violet] Come on.
- [Mason] What is this shit?
- Lean on me.
- Pretty good, it's not that bad.
- Quick, we need to sterilize it.
Oh, my god.
- Look, here, use this. - Oh, you're bleeding.
- We gotta Hawk Tuah sanitize that thing.
[Collins groans]
[group chattering]
Shit, I'm helping.
No time for niceties, bro.
- [Violet] Anybody got a rag or a shirt or something?
- Here, take this.
- Thanks.
- So Thalia's the only person
that got connection with the outside world, right?
So we ought to holler at her and see
if she can get in touch with the Navy SEALs,
or Seal the singer,
somebody to help us get the fuck up out of here.
- Does that hurt?
- But how are we gonna get to her, bro?
- Hey, window.
- Great idea, but we're gonna need some weapons
or something to fight them. - True.
- You know what, yeah, this nine iron would do real good.
Pow, bitch.
[Mason screams] [glass shatters]
- Oh, my god.
- Mason.
- What's wrong with you?
- What the fuck, man? - Here.
Give me that shit.
- This some Secret Santa shit?
Man, your ass is crazy.
Come on, man, hoist me up here
so I can see if I can get a lay of the land.
- Okay, all right.
- Come on.
[Mason grunts]
- Yeah, what do you see?
- All right, hold on.
- You see anything?
[birds chirping]
[Jay grunts]
Shit, you're fucking heavy, bro.
What do you see?
- [Killer Queen] Oh, careful.
- [Mason] Come on.
- [Killer Queen] You got it?
- Bro. - You need some help?
- [Violet] Guys, keep it down.
- [Mason] 'Cause you ain't light, bro, what do you see?
[Violet speaks softly]
- [Killer Queen] What's going on, you see anything?
- [Violet] Keep it down.
- [Mason] You see anything?
[dog growls]
- Hey, big fella. [nervous laughter]
How you doing?
[dog growls]
Easy, bitch.
[dog snarls]
Ahhh!
[glass splicing]
[dog shrieks]
- [Killer Queen] What the hell is going on up there
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - Are you good?
- I didn't mean to do it, oh.
[dog growls]
Oh, shit, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, no, no.
Reel me in, reel me in.
Come on, come on, come on. - Okay, okay, okay, everyone.
- Come on, pull me, pull.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no!
- Oh, shit.
[Jay thuds]
- [Killer Queen] Sorry, buddy.
- [Jay] It almost bit my goddamn face off
- It's all right, get up.
- You good? - You're good, you're good. - Fuck.
- [Violet] That was stupid.
- [Jay] It's a wild one out there
patrolling the perimeter.
- [Killer Queen] How far is it to Thalia's from here?
- [Mason] What, you think you're gonna outrun a dog?
- [Violet] Guys, I'll go.
- Yeah, good one.
- Actually, I can go with her.
- [Mason] Sure you can, dude.
- Yeah, me too, I can move fast.
[slow music]
- All right, look, we're gonna have to, like,
run interference, okay?
I'll set up a distraction,
and that way you'd be able to move around them. [sighs]
- [Mason] You gonna be okay
back there, buddy? - Hang on, I have an idea.
We need a distraction.
[slow music continues]
[toy squeaks]
- What the fuck is this?
[toy squeaks]
- Oh, shit, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I see what this is. [toy squeaks]
- Mm-hmm.
[slow dramatic music]
Why do you get "Game of Thrones" wine bottle bandolier
and I'm stuck milking Pikachu? [toy squeaks]
- Just make sure you don't do it in the fucking house, man.
- I know, I know, I'm not a fucking idiot.
- The jury's still deliberating on that one, playboy.
[birds trilling]
[Collins moans]
- Oh, shit, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Fuck, that hurts, my ankle.
- Just sit down.
- No, it's, my ankle's fucked.
Here, I'll just hold it down here and you go.
Just come back for me.
[slow music]
- Okay, okay. - All right.
- I swear to god, bro, I'm out.
As soon as I get out of here,
I'm getting a one way flight, I don't give a shit-
- Shut your ass up.
- Man, you shut the fuck up.
[toy squeaks]
What? [dog growls]
- Oh, oh.
Go, go.
[dog growls]
Hurry up, stupid.
[dog whines]
[slow dramatic music]
[dog growls]
I think he saw me.
[dog growls]
- Get down.
[dog continues growling]
[Killer Queen sighs]
[slow dramatic music]
- Oh, fuck.
- Fuck.
- Psst, go, go, go, come on.
[foliage rustles]
[toy squeaks]
Fuck, be quiet, fuck. [toy squeaks]
[Violet gasps]
[dog growls]
[Killer Queen trembles]
- Go, go, run!
[slow dramatic music continues]
- Quick, we gotta hide!
- Oh, my god.
[dog whines]
[Violet whimpers]
[footsteps pattering]
[dog whines]
[dog growls]
[Violet whimpers]
[dog growls]
[toy squeaks]
[dog growls]
[toy squeaks]
- Well, if you want to catch the eye of the dog,
you gotta give them a performance they can't ignore.
- What are you talking about?
[Jay shouts]
[toy squeaks]
- All right, all right. ♪ You are here now ♪
♪ I just want you more ♪
♪ Right here on the floor ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
[Jay continues singing loudly]
♪ Hey, hey ♪
- I gotta hook you up with my boy, Giuseppe, yo.
- Nah, I'm cool.
- Are you sure?
He cooks in the lab.
- This shit ain't working.
[foliage snaps]
[dog barks]
- Oh, shit.
[dog barks]
- Hey, I got something for your ass-
- Abort, abort!
Eat this, eat this.
- Oh, shit. [toy squeaks]
[dogs snarling]
[toy squeaks] [Jay grunts]
Bingo.
[dog whines] [dogs barking]
- Let's go, get to the cell tower!
[slow music]
[dogs barking]
- Ugh.
Oh, that smell. [dogs growling]
[dogs barking]
[foliage snapping]
[dogs barking]
- Oh.
Oh, oh, thank god.
- Okay, don't get closer to it.
- Oh, he's so cute.
- That innocence has an expiration date.
[dogs barking]
- I could totally be its, like,
rehabilitation coach or something.
[puppy snarls]
[Killer Queen screams]
Oh, God, God, get it off, get it off!
- Oh, my God.
[Killer Queen screams]
- Kick it, kick it, kick it!
[puppy squeals]
- Oh, shit, I just kicked a puppy.
[cellphone shatters]
[puppy whines]
Huh.
[puppy shrieks]
[dog growls]
- Okay, what's the rule of the wild here, play dead?
- Okay.
Very slow, back away.
[dog growls]
- Hey, big fella.
- [Violet] Hey.
- Oh, easy.
Easy. [dog growls]
- [Violet] Okay, let's just let him go where he wants to go.
- Can dogs push buttons?
- [Toy voice] Bitch, please.
- You can train them to do a lot of things.
Oh. [gate chimes]
[Killer Queen wails] - Run!
[dogs barking faintly]
[Collins grunts]
[dogs continue barking]
[Collins grunts]
[dogs continue barking]
[dog shrieks]
[slow tense music]
- Come on, bro, come on, run!
Great shot, fuck, they're on their way, let's go, hurry up!
- All right, all right.
- I don't got no more weapons.
[dogs barking]
- Faster, faster, they're on my ass, come on,
come on, move your feet. - All right.
Should throw, throw something at them, do something.
You got anything, huh?
[Jay yells]
[dog snarls]
[Jay screams]
You got those big-ass arms, just use them.
- Get off me, right, come on, get your.
[slow dramatic music]
- [Violet] Okay, okay. [pants]
[door slams]
- [Thalia] Do you want a treat?
Oh, does my little baby want a treat?
Oh, I'll give you some nice, yeah.
Oh, who's a sparkly boy? [imitates panting]
[Thalia laughs]
Oh, you want to be brushed? [game chirps]
Oh, you want butt scratches there?
Oh, I'll give you some, oh, woof.
Woof, woof, woof, woof.
You want sparkle, sparkle. [laughs]
Oh, you're so happy.
Holy horse-dick.
- Hello. - What's us.
- [Thalia] Wait, guys, where's Vince?
[dogs barking]
- [Jay] Jesus. [screams]
- Spike just went full-on Hannibal Lecter on Vince.
- Yeah, well, yo, you're yanking my chain right now, right?
This is, like, some straight-up chain yankage.
- Just swing back, come on, I got you.
Come on, yes, yes. [dogs barking]
All right.
[Jay screams]
[dogs barking]
Oh, fuck.
- You're the only one with a connection
to the outside world, so you need to just stop playing
and call someone, like, now, please.
- Dudes, dudes, this is, like, typical Vince shit.
[slow dramatic music]
- Oh, fuck dystopia, I gotta get back on the phone.
- Same, I need to get back to my phone, bro.
What are we gonna do about them?
[dogs barking]
- [Thalia] Watch, watch, watch.
Yo, Vince, dude, [laughs] nice try.
[dogs barking]
Any bright ideas now?
[Jay grunts]
- Yeah.
[dog barks]
[Thalia laughs]
- This is so classic, man, this is so-
- Yeah.
- Hyah!
- Eat it.
- Got his ass.
- This is, like, some next-level shit, dog.
- It's working, it's working.
[dogs barking]
- Where'd they go?
Are you scoping 'em?
Bro?
- Sweet Jesus.
[slow ominous music]
- It's straight up not in the rule book, fam.
- Collins is in the wine cellar and he's hurt.
You have to call the helicopter now.
- Fucking call someone.
[slow ominous music]
[foliage rustling]
[dog whines]
[dog growls]
- Shit.
[Mason yells]
Bro, bro, this fucking thing is moving.
- Fine, I'll make the call.
[computer chirps]
Oh, shit, man, great timing.
I think I have to reset my network settings or some shit.
[Jay yells]
[slow dramatic music]
- [Jay] Oh, shit, oh, no, no, no.
Be still, be still.
- [Mason] Fuck this.
- [Jay] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Buckle up, buttercup.
- [Jay] What you doing?
- Bitch.
- [Jay] Whoa!
- Oh, yeah, I don't think
the network settings is the problem.
Mason and Big Farmer Jay boned us.
- [Thalia] Dude, that's vandalism.
- What idiots climb up a cellphone tower?
- Someone with a death wish, that's who.
- It's fucking on time.
Get fried, you little fuckers!
[Jay shouts]
Ah, that's right.
- Hold on.
- We gotta help them.
- What's that?
- Flare gun, baby.
[shoe squeaks]
Either we scare them off or we light 'em up.
Either way, it's a win win.
It's about to be lit.
[gun fires]
[flare whistles]
- A flare, seriously?
[water splashes]
- Eh, oh, well, it's a little fail city over here.
- What's next, a strongly-worded letter?
- What the fuck?
- I think I just gotta, like, aim a little higher.
It's physics?
- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah, it's, like, some physics.
This is it, all right, here we go.
[shoe squeaks]
[gun fires]
[flare whistles]
[slow music]
Oh. [sighs] - Oh, shit!
- Oh!
[Jay yells]
[Mason screams]
Not the kind of fire we were looking for, man.
- Maybe I overshot that one.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I think astronomically.
- At least we got rid of those dogs, bro.
[fire crackles] [metal creaks]
- Oh, we're going down.
- Holy shit!
No!
- Oh, no!
[Mason thuds]
- [Mason] Oh!
- Do you think I killed them?
- Yeah, that- that seems probable.
- Oh, shit, where are we supposed to go?
- It's swim time, bro, do or die.
- You out your motherfucking mind.
I'm not jumping off that.
- The drop's not even bad.
We just need to lead ourselves off
with a head start, come on.
- When I die, I'm gonna come back
and I'm gonna whoop your ass.
- Okay, I'm, like, 65% sure this isn't even suicide.
You got this.
- Listen, I'm gonna whoop your ass!
I'm gonna whoop your ass!
- Wait, what?
- Oh, yay. [claps] - Nice.
- Well done, boys.
- Oh, whoa.
- I don't got this.
- Bro.
- I don't want to do it. - Bro, your leg!
- What?
- Your fucking leg is on fire.
[Jay screams]
Whoa.
- Oh, and he just jumped. [water splashes]
- Oh, maybe dead again. - Oh, shit.
- Oh, oh, oh, shit.
I nailed that shit, son. [laughs]
Come on, man, enough thinking and more jumping!
[dog growls]
[Mason yells]
[water splashes]
- Come on.
- I got you-
- Stop splashing on me, bro.
I gotta move my legs. - Yeah. [laughs]
- All right, as soon as they hit the deck,
we out, zero dilly dally.
- Hold up, we gotta go back for Collins.
- Oh, shit.
I mean, yeah, I, my brain, I.
- Hey, how fucking high are you?
- Hey, dude, you know what, dude, slow your fucking roll-
- Hey, Thalia, what's up, you pyromaniac?
- You know what's not up, dude, my damn data tower.
That's what's not up, so calling for that helicopter,
not happening now, man.
- Yo, are you for real right now?
You've got no bat phone,
no old-school hand radio tucked away?
- No, bro, everything ran through
that one glorious data tower.
- Okay, well, if you have an antenna,
a bidirectional amplifier, and some RF cables,
I can whip up something that might do the trick,
but do you got any of that, like, stashed away?
- It's not, like, I for sure don't have any
of that stuff stashed away anywhere.
No, the only way out of here is gonna be
through the Vincetopia party barge-
- What, where?
- What the bummer is is that it's, like,
way on the other side of the island.
- Yeah, there's a bunch of hell hounds
between here and there.
- Nothing to it but to do it, am I right?
- Whoa, hey, you guys are forgetting something.
Okay, first we have to get Collins out of the cellar.
- Oh, shit.
[Mason snorts]
Okay, okay, the bummer is that the cellar
and the boat, they're in, like,
two totally opposite directions.
- [Killer Queen] True, true.
- Hey, tough break about your bro.
But chances are he's already dog meat.
Let's cut our losses and fuck off.
- Please do fuck off, Mason.
I am not leaving without my brother.
- Go ahead, we're out like trout.
Thalia, give me the key.
- No, man, that's not very cool.
And by the way, you don't even know where the boat is,
so super great plan, bro, really.
- Okay, well, what if we head back to the mainland,
grab a posse, and make a triumphant return for Collins?
- Yes, that, so Thalia, the key.
- [Violet] You don't have to listen to him.
- Don't be an asshole.
I'll give you a few Bitcoin for your troubles, huh?
- [Jay] Oh, you a scammer.
- No, no, you can't slap a price tag on my conscience, bro.
- Y'all need to stop fucking arguing.
This is what we fucking do.
Violet and I, we rolling out.
The rest of y'all just hold down the fort
'til we get back here with Collins, all right?
[Mason scoffs]
- Like some chick's gonna hold me back anyway?
I'm getting the fuck out of here.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Prick.
Well, I'll stay here with Thalia
and keep an eye on that asshole.
- Okay, and there's a golf cart in the shed,
so you should be able to haul Collins back with it.
- Perfect, let's get this shit show on the road
while them damn canines out there still licking they balls.
- Hey.
Don't die and shit.
- You too.
- I'll be upstairs.
Keep the energy contained down here, assholes.
- Whoa. - Oh, my god.
What the fuck is your problem? - I bet your dick is so big.
- [Mason] Fucking huge.
- [Killer Queen] Bye.
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs barking]
- [Jay] Oh, he dead, dead.
[flies buzzing]
[dogs whining]
- [Thalia] My sister's gonna be so mad.
She's gonna have my ass.
I mean, she's just gonna go fucking nuclear, dude.
- The universe dealt us a shitty hand,
but you didn't shuffle the deck.
Vince's death is not on you, all right?
- She specifically warned me not
to come looking for this place.
[slow dramatic music]
[dog whines]
Once the media gets a whiff of this,
it's gonna be paparazzi 24/7.
It's just gonna be, like, a total-
- Yeah, I- I think you're catastrophizing.
I don't think the media is gonna be-
- I'm not, it's, my sister's Hayden Hearst.
Like, tabloid dynamite, Hayden fucking Hearst.
[Killer Queen gasps]
[bell rings]
- [Director] Come on, hurry up, kids.
- [Hayden] Thank you.
- [Assistant] Here you are, you caffeinated majesty
- [Hayden] Oh, thank you.
- [Assistant] Hey, Hayden.
- Can this wait, we're about to roll.
- I really think you should see this.
- Spike just, like, leaps on him, right,
starts ripping on him-
- [Hayden] Good God, Thalia.
- He just goes, like, Hannibal Lecter on his ass.
- What, is that a prank?
- I don't think so.
- [Announcer] Ms. Hearst, we're ready for you on set.
- [Hayden] Be right there!
- [Jay] So he's still in the basement?
- [Violet] Was that blood here before?
- No, that's fresh.
- Collins, you down there?
Oh, shit.
- Well, he gone now.
[door creaks]
[bottles clinking]
[objects rustling]
- Collins?
- Oh, hey, sis.
Farmer Jay, hello.
Do you guys have the wifi password?
- I sure do not.
- This is just some overcooked Insta-fuckery
to sell a new line of Vince Ventura's Scooby Snacks,
or some other nonsense.
- I know, but this is where the video cuts off.
- Ah.
- Only ones with the-
- Apparently Vince invited a bunch of content creators
to an island, I don't know what they were doing there.
- I do, dammit, Thalia.
- Here you go, here they are. [bottle rattles]
- What are you doing with the doggy downers, buddy?
- I'm just starving.
- Yeah, what are you taking?
Hey, hey, Collins, what are you taking?
We have to go. - A little bit of this
and a little bit of that. - We have to go.
- If you keep munching on that,
then we're gonna be here forever.
Come on, we cannot be late, we're gonna be,
we're gonna be late. - Farmer Jay.
- Hey, buddy, hey-
- We're gonna be late for what?
- The boat party.
- I love parties. - Yeah.
- There's a rumor that Vince,
he might not be living anymore.
- You say not living anymore, as in?
- Among the living now.
- Like, dead?
Have you called Thalia?
Call Thalia. - I tried calling,
but it went straight to voicemail.
- Fuck me.
[slow dramatic music]
[glass shatters]
- [Thalia] Hayden told me about her crazy experience
on "The Breed," and.
- I can't believe Hayden fucking Hearst is your sister.
Ugh, she's just, like, the epitome of badass.
Sorry, I'm, like, a nervous talker.
- It's okay, we all have our quirks,
you know, mine is chronic anxiety.
- All right, assholes.
[bottle rattles]
The time is up.
- Bro. - Geez.
- Let's roll.
- Bro, you've been hitting the sauce there pretty hard, huh?
- Oh, oh, god.
Geez, dude, chill out.
[Mason burps]
Oh, god, that's fucking nasty. - Ugh.
It was like a whole bouquet, oh, my god.
Jesus Christ, you're gross.
- Yeah, you think you're better than me?
[Killer Queen yells]
[Killer Queen groans]
- Hey, dude, get off me. - Just give me it!
Hey, ow, shit.
- Come on, why are you making this harder?
- [Thalia] Get off of me!
[both shouting]
- Hey, what the fuck are you doing?
- Here, I got it. - Get off of me, get off.
What, no, you can't-
- [Killer Queen] Get off of her, get off of her!
- It's mine!
- [Killer Queen] I told you to stop.
[vase shatters]
- Nice.
Hell, yeah.
Oh, god, that's nasty.
- Honestly, god, bro, those were my freaking snacks
and you wasted them, man, fuck you.
- You're dead!
- Just give me back the key, just give me the key.
- Nobody fucks with Mason Kelly.
[dog roars] [Mason screams]
- Holy shit.
[group screaming]
- Put the gun down.
It's crazy.
- Shit, key!
- Move, move, move! - Come on, we need the key.
- Let's just go, go, go, go.
- Get back here! - Let's go.
- Where are you going, you asshole?
[dog growls]
- [Thalia] Oh, shit, Mason, watch out!
[Mason screams]
[Thalia shouting] [Killer Queen shouting]
[Mason screams]
[doors rattling]
[Collins mutters]
- Collins.
- Hold up, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- [Thalia] Whoa, whoa, chill, chill.
- Get in! - Whoa!
- [Thalia] Slide over, I know these roads, trust.
- Hello.
- Goddamn, you look like shit.
- Hey, do you know the wifi password?
- Mm-mm. - Aww.
- Yo, where's Mason Kelly?
- Dude's toast, man, like, burnt toast. - Huh?
[golf cart revs]
Wait, what- what happened?
- A dog got him.
- [Thalia] And the boat key.
- [Jay] Well, ain't that about a pearl on pig shit.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no, fucking shit, no.
Fuck, the motor gave out. - Yo, why you stopping?
- [Thalia] You gotta push it.
- I got it, I got it.
- Okay, I'll help. - I got it.
- [Thalia] You guys got this! - [Jay] Go!
- [Thalia] You got this, you're doing great, man.
You look great, your muscles, they're bulging.
You look awesome, thank you. - Come on.
Push, go. [grunts]
- [Thalia] Push it, let's go.
[dog howls]
- Hey, Farmer Ted, push us farther.
- [Thalia] That's great, man.
- [Collins] Farther and faster.
- [Thalia] Just a little further.
[slow dramatic music] [dogs barking]
- Dogs, dogs, the dogs are coming!
[dogs barking]
- [Thalia] You've got this, you've got this!
[Jay grunts]
A little faster.
- [Violet] Shit.
- [Thalia] Let's go!
[dogs barking]
[golf cart revs]
- Man, how much more of this bullshit
we gotta go through before we get to this damn boat?
- I could tell you, man, but it's gonna bum you out.
[dogs barking]
- Pump the gas.
- This is the gas.
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs barking]
- Getting closer!
- Okay, grab a moonshine bottle
and aim for the center of that bridge.
You light it up.
Fireball rocketing in three,
two.
- Oh, it's you.
[bridge clatters]
- All right, go.
- [Killer Queen] Yeah, blaze and go!
[dogs whining]
- [Jay] See you in hell, motherfuckers.
- Sick. Hell, yeah.
[fire crackling]
Okay.
Okay, we're here.
- Is this the shit Vince was rambling about
from that whole movie?
- Yeah, pretty cool, right?
- The Universal one was cooler.
Look at this cage, it's ripped to shreds.
- Dude, the fact that Vince
and you even stayed alive long enough
to drag us into this mess is a statistical anomaly.
- When we first got to the island,
the dogs, they were, like, super shy, man.
They kept to themselves, it was chill.
- They became extroverts real fast.
- Well, a little while
after we started construction on Vincetopia,
the dogs, they got, like, a little bit aggressive,
and one dude got bit.
So we had to stop construction
until we could wrangle the rest of the dogs,
and you know Vince, he's always looking
for the opportunity in every problem, so-
- Jesus Christ.
- We thought we'd invite you all here,
make a game out of it,
you guys could help us wrangle the rest of them,
then it's like a win win. - My ass.
- [Thalia] We'd put it inside the cage,
the dogs would come, and then wham,
the gate would slam shut, easy peasy.
- Is this is the epic bash you're talking about?
- [Thalia] And setting off the trap.
- [Killer Queen] What? - Yep.
- [Killer Queen] One of the good ones.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, before you guys totally roast me,
just hold on a second.
I brought you here because I have something
that's a total game changer.
- Oh, what you gonna get, some old crap licorice
and give it to the dog?
- Ooh, I hope so, I'm starving.
- [Thalia] Aha, check this shit out.
- Wait, wait, we might not die.
[Jay laughs]
- Well, color me impressed then,
little lady. - Wow.
- You've got the stance and everything.
- [Killer Queen] Okay.
- Wait, is that a goddamn paintball?
[gun clatters]
No, you done lost your goddamn mind.
- [Thalia] What?
- [Killer Queen] I'm sorry, this was
your game-changing surprise?
- This really stings without proper protective gear.
[Jay laughs]
I build stuff, okay?
- So guys, if you keep hacking away at each other,
you might as well start digging your own graves.
We gotta get it together,
and I know this sounds strange coming from me
since I've been sitting on the sidelines throwing shade
at the whole fame game, but, you know,
I was just kind of petrified that if I dove in,
I'd lose every semblance of who I am.
And I'll- I'll admit that when we first got here,
Collins, if you ask me for the fucking wifi password,
I swear to god.
- I wasn't gonna.
- Then what?
- Hmm, well, nothing.
- When we first got here, being trapped
on this island, it felt like a nightmare.
But since then, I see you for who you really are.
I mean, you're a crew of mavericks,
and we either fuse that collective madness
into an unstoppable force, or we crumble and we fall apart.
The choice is yours.
- Goddamn. [claps]
- That was sick, that's sick.
- All right, that was- - You rock.
- I think you guys are missing the point
of my- my speech, though-
- Was no one livestreaming that?
Should have been live streaming that.
- I know, right?
- Hey, I got it from up here.
Does anybody have the wifi password?
[Jay sighs]
- I'm gonna kill him.
- Hey, do you have any idea of what's going on with him?
- I, you know, I think it's just like an infection,
plus drugs, it's making his ADHD worse.
- Yeah, ADHD- - Cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool.
- Look like the sun's about to set.
Thalia's little spit shooter's not gonna cut it.
- Man. - He's right.
I say we stay the night here and come morning,
we scrounge together whatever we can use to fight them.
- Woof, man.
- Chomp chomp, bitch.
- Let's kill those bitches.
- Does anyone know what the wifi password is? [mutters]
[rock music]
[sword clinks]
[door creaks]
[rock music continues]
[gun clicks]
[rock music continues]
[gun clicks]
[rock music continues]
[Thalia sighs]
[rock music continues]
[gun clicks]
[rock music continues]
[sword clinks]
[phone clicks]
[doors rattling]
- I was really close to my grandpa.
He had this super cool, like, ancient car
that I flipped for cash, dove headfirst
into MacGyver-ing some life hacks.
- I'm actually a fan.
I pushed Vince to invite you to the island.
- Oh, thanks, so glad you did.
- Oh, shit, man, I'm sorry.
Seriously, I've been watching you grow since the early days,
and it's inspiring, dude.
- Thalia, have you ever thought
about following in your sister's footsteps
with the whole acting thing?
- You know, I tried with the gaming thing,
but nothing really stuck until I met Vince.
It kind of gave me this sense of purpose
that, you know, I never really had before, man.
- [Jay] How'd you guys meet?
- Man, like, at my absolutly lowest,
facedown, sprawled out in the dirt.
- My god, rock bottom.
- No, it was a shroom shack in New Mexico.
- [Violet] That's cool. [Jay laughs]
[Collins snores]
- [Violet] Someone is a deep sleeper.
- [Killer Queen] He is really drooling.
- [Jay] I might get him a can.
- [Thalia] Well, we'll find you a can after I detox-
[group chattering]
- I think he would have loved
to have been in that hut with you guys.
- We'll bring him with us next time.
Once we get to the boat,
we'll have him to a hospital in an hour.
[slow music]
[fabric thumps]
[slow music continues]
- Has anyone seen Collins?
- No.
- He was here a second ago.
- Last time I saw him, he went that way.
- Oh, shit.
Collins?
- Collins!
- Shh! - Shh!
[slow music]
[Collins laughs]
- I guess I'ma head into the bush and go hunt him down.
- Good luck, dude.
- Thanks.
- [Killer Queen] Be careful.
[Jay grunts]
- Shit, I know you fucking lying. Collins!
Collins!
Man, get your ass over here.
- Hey, Farmer Jay.
- Come here! - I'm coming, I'm coming.
- You'd better pop it out like a goddamn jack-in-the-box.
- Sorry, I was just peeing-
- Goddamn.
[Collins hiccups]
You all kinds of fucked up.
- Do you have the wifi password?
Do you have the wifi password?
- I have it, it's get in the fucking cart.
- No spaces?
- All caps, let's go.
- Hmm, I never thought of that.
- [Jay] I found him.
- Oh, shit.
[Collins hums]
[Collins thuds]
- [Violet] Okay.
- I'm feeling omin-tiferous.
- Uh-oh.
- Hey, buddy, you all right there?
- Do you?
- Do I what?
- Do you [hiccups] know?
- The muffin man?
- The wifi password?
Aw, man, not cool at all, man.
- I don't want it.
- You smell good, Mama. - No, thank you.
- [Violet] Okay, let's not be that guy.
Come on, Collins, I'm so sorry.
- Cool.
- Here we go.
[Collins thuds]
- So this is a thing.
- If we ride into those dogs.
He definitely asked them for the wifi password.
- Yeah.
- Good to go, yeah.
- [Collins] Let's go. [Collins thuds]
[slow music]
- I'm ready, let's go. - Yeah, let's peace out.
[slow rock music]
[golf cart revs]
- [Thalia] Holy shit.
- Why are you stopping now? - Holy shit.
Holy literal shit. - Why are we stopping?
- Oh, oh, my god, oh, it's just,
it's in the poo, it's chilling, it's in the poo.
Whoa, guys, it's gonna be fine.
This has gotta be some sign we're gonna be okay.
- [Jay] Mm-mm, mm-mm, girl.
Thalia, hey, Thalia.
- [Violet] Thalia.
- Thalia!
Thalia! [group chattering]
Thalia, Thalia! - Thalia!
- Oh, shit, hi, Spike.
You're a, you're a good little dude, right?
You got a little, you want some licorice?
- Thalia, just get over here, don't talk to it.
- Looks promising, right?
- It's the best day ever.
- Come on, come on, hurry!
- Come on, go! - Go, go, go, go!
[dogs barking]
- Nice, guys.
- Come on, guys. [golf cart revs]
[dogs barking]
[slow dramatic music]
- Are we going the wrong way, like, away from the boat?
- Yep, yep, yes, we are.
[golf cart revs]
[group chattering]
- Oh, shit, oh, shit.
- Go on. - Oh, shit.
- Hold on.
[group chattering]
- Come on. [group chattering]
[dog yelps]
- That's right, I'll cut a bitch.
- Yeah, we'll cut your ass.
[slow dramatic music continues]
Oh, shit.
[arrow whistles]
[dogs barking]
- [Thalia] Fire it, fire over there!
[dogs barking]
- Oh, shit, okay, okay, V, I see you. YeeHaw!
[Jay laughs]
Damn.
- Collins, come, Collins, give that back.
Collins, I need that, seriously.
Collins, give that back.
- What's going on back there?
- He took the sickle.
- He can't steady himself.
[sickle clangs]
- Dude! [group chattering]
Dude, dude, why, whoa, why?
- Sorry.
- Oh, man, whoa.
- Collins! - Oh, man.
- Shit.
[Collins laughs]
- [Jay] What the fuck?
- [Violet] Stop, stop, stop, we can't
leave without Collins. - Shit.
I'm going in for the save.
- Okay, okay, all right, get ready.
Are you ready? [Jay grunts]
Get ready, man, you're gonna jump, okay?
You've got this, you've got this, bro, come on, okay.
[Jay hollers]
[dogs barking]
- [Collins] I bet you can't catch me.
- Collins!
- Come and get me, Farmer Jay.
- Hold on, Collins, wait, wait, wait!
Hold on, bro.
Damn, he's fast.
[Collins laughs]
[Jay groans] Come on, man.
- Come and get me. - I'm too old for this shit.
Join the party.
[slow music]
[Jay pants]
[slow music continues]
Hang on.
Hey, you guys promised me a party, Farmer Jay.
- Come on, Collins, man,
you're gonna get us killed out here.
[slow music continues]
[birds chirping]
Oh, shit, mother.
[Collins hiccups]
You look like shit, man.
- Dumb luck.
- Damn.
[foliage rustles]
[dog growls]
[Jay grunts]
[dog growls]
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs growling]
[Thalia whimpers]
- [Killer Queen] Shit, oh, shit.
- Hold on, hold on.
- We're reversing, we gotta get.
It's okay, hold on.
- [Violet] Thalia, try to hold it steady.
- [Thalia] What do you want from me?
This isn't straight road.
- Oh, shit, I lost it.
- This is beyond scary.
- Guys, cliff.
- [Thalia] I have nowhere to go, I can't.
[group screams]
[water splashes]
There's the boat. [dogs growling]
Just like I planned it, this way. Come on.
[dogs barking]
[water splashes]
If I drown, you gotta get me, okay?
[dogs barking]
[water splashes]
Come on, kick those legs.
- Swim, fishy, swim.
[dog snarls]
- Swim fast, faster, swim faster!
[group chattering]
- [Thalia] We're gonna have to climb the ropes.
- [Violet] Wait, wait, okay, please, God.
[group quietly chattering]
- [Killer Queen] Go, go, go, come on, Thalia, climb, climb!
Come on, Thalia, use your arms.
- [Thalia] Come on, you don't have to buy me dinner first.
Just put your hands up my ass and push.
- Reach my hand, reach my hand, come on.
You're so close.
- [Killer Queen] Hang on, Violet, I'm coming up there.
Thalia, hang tight.
[dogs continue barking]
- [Killer Queen] Nice, CrossFit?
- Pilates.
Thalia, come on, take my hand.
- You've got this, girl.
Come on, girl, it's just like gym class.
- I was homeschooled, though, man.
- Oh, shit.
Come on.
[Thalia screams]
- Come on, please, please just climb, just climb, come on.
Lift your feet, lift your feet, lift your feet.
[dog barks]
Okay.
[dogs barking]
Shoot it with the flare gun!
[dog barks]
[dog whines]
- Eat my flare, motherfucker.
[gun fires]
[water splashes]
[water fizzes]
[dogs barking]
- Oh, my God, Thalia, thank God you're okay.
- Thank you guys.
- Hey, you okay?
That's amazing, still breathing.
- Please tell me you still have the boat key.
[group laughs]
- Yes.
- Okay, let's go get Collins,
and then we're- - Fuck, yeah.
- The fuck off this island.
- [Killer Queen] Yes, that.
- [Mason] I've been looking for that.
[slow ominous music]
- Mason, we all want to get off this island.
I really want to go get Collins, and we'll go.
- Shit, I want my ear back.
What are you gonna do, huh?
- Dude, you're like a walking WebMD nightmare right now,
okay, let's just, like, get back to the mainland, dude,
and figure this all out, yeah?
- I tried to get us all out of here,
but what did you guys do?
You let me stay with Cujo's evil twin.
What the fuck is the deal,
fam, huh? - W- well,
we knew you'd be okay, Mason.
With how strong you are, we knew you'd make it back safely.
- Yeah, really good job, Mason.
- Yeah, Mason. [claps] - Way to go. [claps]
- Dude, how did you get away from- from those dogs?
- Which dog?
[dog growls]
This dog?
[slow dramatic music] [dog snarls]
Come here, come here.
- Don't take another step.
- Or what?
[dog growls]
Sic 'em.
[dog growls] [arrow whizzes]
[dogs barking]
[Killer Queen screams]
Get them, get them!
- [Thalia] Push the dog away from you.
- You're in my kill box.
- What? [dog barks]
- I cannot engage tango.
- Cool assault rifle, bro.
Is that a paintball gun?
Wow, I'm embarrassed for you.
- Now, Queen.
[gun fires]
[dog snarls]
[water splashes]
[dogs howling]
Dude. - What?
- [Thalia] Your arm.
[slow music]
[Mason yells]
[Killer Queen screams]
[dramatic music]
- Grab on, oh, my God, I got you.
- Help me up, please.
- [Violet] Hang on. - [Killer Queen] Please.
[Killer Queen screams]
[water splashes]
- Bitch, that's right. [Thalia cries out]
[Thalia moans]
[slow music]
[arrow whistles]
[Mason groans]
- Is that all you got?
[water splashes]
[dogs growling]
- I tried to hold on, man, I really did.
- I know.
[slow dramatic music]
[water splashes]
Okay, run. Run!
[slow dramatic music continues]
[Thalia pants]
What the, why isn't it?
God, these dogs take big shits.
[arrow whistles]
[bottle pops] Whoa.
[slow music]
[dog snarls]
[dog growls]
- Oh, shit.
[boat engine revs]
- [Thalia] Oh ho ho, yes, [claps] it worked.
[Violet cries out]
[Violet groans]
[boat engine revs]
Oh, shit, oh, Violet.
[slow dramatic music]
[coin rattles]
Violet!
- Collins?
- Hey, V, there you are.
Hey, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- How'd you get on the boat?
- With them.
[slow dramatic music]
I came with them.
[dogs barking]
- [Thalia] Violet, come back!
- This place is paradise!
- Violet, hold on.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus.
[door cracks]
Okay, good boy, oh, God.
[dogs barking]
- Collins, you're my brother.
It's you and me,
and we are going to get you back to the mainland.
- [Thalia] Stop. Here, champagne.
- [Violet] And you're gonna get better.
- [Collins] I know, V.
- Collins.
- Okay, good boy.
[glass shatters] [dog snarls]
[Collins cackles]
[Thalia screams]
- Don't forget to smash the like button! [cackles]
- Shit, fuck, faster.
[boat engine revs]
- Collins.
[Collins yells]
[arrow whistles]
- Ah, what the fuck?
God, that really fucking hurt, V.
- That guy upstairs, if I'm gonna go out,
can you make it, like, like,
a little heroic or cool looking?
- You shot my only good ankle.
- Can you make me look cool?
Oh, God, dear God, somebody help!
[slow dramatic music]
No, no, no, no, no. [screams]
Whoa, oh, holy shit, dude.
[dog snarls]
[dog thuds]
Oh, that was fucking awesome.
[boat engine revs]
- Who's driving this thing, whoa.
[boat thuds]
Ow.
- [Violet] What was that?
- Oh, man.
[dogs barking]
Fuck!
Fuck, this close, this fucking close.
[slow ominous music]
- Sayonara, Vincetopia, it's been real.
[slow music] [dogs howling]
- Oh, my god, it feels good to sit down.
Holy shit.
I guess we're officially just sitting duck status,
just sitting here, chilling,
waiting to die, I guess, man.
[Violet sighs]
This is my last one.
You can have the big half.
- Cheers.
[slow music continues] [seagulls crying]
I guess this makes us friends?
- I'd say we're friends for life, man.
- Yeah.
[dogs barking]
[dogs howling]
If one of those little fuckers bites me,
I promise I won't go all rabid on you, okay?
- You planning on being the world's first vegan rabid human?
- Okay, well, worst case, you can take that chair,
you can just hit me over the head
with it super hard, like, WWE.
It'd be kind of dope, actually.
- That sounds so exhausting.
- Okay, yeah, I feel that.
I don't want to make you work harder.
[dogs barking in distance]
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs continue barking]
[slow dramatic music continues]
- Okay, let's do this.
[dogs growling]
[Thalia grunts]
[dog barks]
- Hey, hey.
Got it.
[dogs barking]
[Thalia grunts]
Fucking get him.
[dog yelps]
[water splashes]
It's not doing any damage.
It's our last shot, oh, God.
[slow dramatic music continues]
The hull, baby.
[gun fires]
Whoa!
[gun fires]
[helicopter blades whirring]
[gun fires]
- Oh, someone's coming to help us.
Oh, thank you, man, thank you, Jesus.
[dogs barking]
Hayden, Hayden! [laughs]
Hayden. [dog barks]
- Hey, nice boots, hello.
- Hello.
- Hey, do you have the wifi password?
- Dude, that's my sister.
- Ah! [Hayden grunts]
- You know, I think if I had better footwear,
I could do that, too.
- Oh, I think I remember you, motherfucker.
[Hayden retches]
- God, she's cool.
Hayden, watch out!
[dog snarls]
[dog groans]
Hayden, Hayden!
- Thalia, hang on, I gotta fuck with this dog real quick.
- Fuck yeah, man.
Holy shit, hi!
- Oh, my god, where the hell is everyone else?
- It's just my brother that we need to grab.
- Is he the dude hanging off the back of the boat?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I had to anchor him down with an arrow.
- It's a long story.
- Let's go.
[dog barks]
Go, go, go, go, go, run!
Faster!
- Oh, Hayden, behind you.
- Play dead.
[gun fires]
Let's go.
[helicopter blades whirring]
- [Collins] Ow!
- [Thalia] Hey, whoa, whoa, dude.
Hayden, Hayden, you have to keep your hand
on the joystick, man.
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm, yeah, okay,
so the instructor said- - My hand on that?
Okay. - You have to put your hand-
- Always this, and the other
one here. - Are you shitting me?
- Where the fuck are my sunglasses?
- Okay.
- How'd you know where to find us?
- Thalia's live stream.
[helicopter blades whirring]
This is fun.
- Go for it, man. - Pull it.
- All right.
[Hayden shouts]
You pull it again. [laughs]
- [Thalia] Nice, baby. [explosion rumbles]
- [Hayden] Pull it again.
[Hayden laughs]
Hell, yeah.
- Whoa.
- [Thalia] Burn, baby, burn.
- It's missing a paw.
- Hell, yeah.
[helicopter blades whirring]
- Wait!
I'm still here, come back!
[slow dramatic music]
[dogs barking]
[dog growls]
[slow dramatic music continues]
- [Director] Let's make movie magic, everybody.
- Sometimes, when I'm making a cake,
it's just a good idea to [laughs] spread the frosting.
[Grace laughs]
[slow rock music continues]
[bottle pops] - Whoa!
Could I get a towel? [laughs]
- Thanks.
- [Speaker] And can you wipe off,
there's some, there's a piece of banana on you.
- Obviously, that's what she- - It's so slippery.
- Come on, think about it. [laughs]
- All right, right, all right, come at me.
- Your mama's a bitch.
- I want to see these dogs verified on Instagram.
- This feels like a fucking fever dream.
- What the fuck is the deal, fam?
- [Speaker] We knew you would be okay, Mason,
how strong you are, I have, I have a question for you.
[group laughs]
- [Speaker] You need makeup.
- [Speaker] I can read the line.
- My FBO in Van Nuys and tell him to spark up. [laughs]
Get sparky, really, she knows all of my lines.
She should just do me.
Okay, let's go.
[both grunting]
[both laughing]
- I found him.
[both grunting]
- [Virginia] Well.
[Grace laughs]
- I've never felt better in my life.
- Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
- Fuse our collective force of madness together
to be an unstoppable force, or-
[Riele coughs]
- Sorry, guys.
[people clapping]
- What, you're now leaving, guys?
- Inside voices, for the love of God.
- Audio control on this jet pack?
- I gotta stop smoking so much weed, guys.
[slow rock music continues]
[Grace laughs]
- I always wondered that in movies,
When are people finding the time to go pee?
- Or poop.
There's dogs out there.
- [Virginia] I know.
- [Grace] So you have to hold it.
- You went from "Damn, boy," to "Damn, boy!"
Let's go. [Collins mutters]
We don't have time for this.
- [Collins] It's not working.
- Okay, here you go. - The best day ever!
- Probably gonna be right where you are, Grace.
- Okay, okay, okay, sorry. [laughs]
- Oh, dear, sorry, I'm gonna take that back.
- My eyelashes.
- [Jay] So we need to get her
to- to- to call the Navy SEALs, or-
[Grace imitates screaming]
- [Man] Okay, okay, another towel.
[group screaming]
- Go, go, go! - We gotta go, we gotta go!
- Okay.
- I said the- - Real fake. [laughs]
- [Riele] That was fucking good.
That was good. - That was goddamn-
- Don't do that, I'm not into dudes.
- This is shaping up to be quite the adventure.
[group cheers]
[slow music]
[group quietly chattering]
[group cheers]
[group quietly chattering]
[dog growls]
- [Man] Bro, you talking to me?
- [Killer Queen] What a time to be alive.
[slow rumbling]
[slow music]
[steam hisses]
[person screams]
- [Man] Did you just say it's edible?
- [Man] He did say it's edible.
- [Man] Do you want a photo or a video?
[group chattering]
- [Jay] Bingo.
- [Violet] There are signs, we'll find our way.
- [Jay] We don't speak these signs.
[group chattering]
- [Violet] Listen, we will find our way, but he wouldn't.
- [Jay] Okay, we got confidence.
[group laughs]
- [Jay] Y'all probably already know her
and y'all are probably gonna send
me a whole bunch of messages.
- [Killer Queen] Who are we talking to right now?
- [Jay] I have no idea who you're talking to
'cause there ain't no service, so.
So you can't fall out.
- [Killer Queen] Exactly, stay safe, kids.
[group chattering]
- [Jay] None of us speak Spanish.
Hey, hey, [indistinct].
- [Jay] Why you asking me if I'm okay, lady.
[group chattering]
- [Man] Welcome to Guatemala.
- [Jay] Trying to see if I can get you to lick me, hey.
[group chattering]
- [Collins] Get it hot and fresh.
[slow dramatic music]
[slow dramatic music continues]
[slow rock music continues]