WEBVTT FILE
2
00:00:33.199 --> 00:00:35.429
Oh, come on
3
00:00:35.602 --> 00:00:39.231
Save room for my love
4
00:00:39.906 --> 00:00:43.933
Save room for a moment to be with me
5
00:00:44.110 --> 00:00:46.578
Save room for my love
6
00:00:46.746 --> 00:00:48.646
Save a little
7
00:00:48.815 --> 00:00:50.180
Save a little for me
8
00:00:50.350 --> 00:00:52.375
Oh, I'm so full.
9
00:00:53.553 --> 00:00:56.750
You were right,
I shouldn't have eaten all that bread.
10
00:00:57.290 --> 00:00:59.588
Want to split a dessert?
11
00:01:03.296 --> 00:01:05.196
You okay? You seem a little off.
12
00:01:05.365 --> 00:01:08.801
Yeah, I'm just trying to think about
what I want.
13
00:01:08.968 --> 00:01:10.265
Yeah, me too.
14
00:01:10.437 --> 00:01:13.838
Why don't we just say it at the same time?
One, two, three...
15
00:01:14.007 --> 00:01:17.306
- I want a divorce.
- Crème brûlée.
16
00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:35.589
- You can't get away.
- Aah!
17
00:01:36.963 --> 00:01:38.225
It's okay, that's my fault.
18
00:01:38.398 --> 00:01:41.094
Come on, let's get you to bed
before your parents get home.
19
00:01:41.267 --> 00:01:43.531
No puppy eyes, you little maniac.
20
00:01:43.703 --> 00:01:45.466
Go brush your teeth.
21
00:02:18.304 --> 00:02:20.602
Aren't you gonna say anything?
22
00:02:22.075 --> 00:02:27.172
Almost 25 years of marriage
and you have nothing to say?
23
00:02:32.752 --> 00:02:34.185
Robbie.
24
00:02:34.521 --> 00:02:36.580
Hey, Robbie, have you seen
Molly's homework?
25
00:02:36.756 --> 00:02:38.451
Get out.
- Oh, my God.
26
00:02:38.625 --> 00:02:40.320
Close the door.
Um...
27
00:02:41.561 --> 00:02:45.861
Okay, Robbie, I'm really sorry,
and I didn't see anything.
28
00:02:48.067 --> 00:02:50.160
Oh, my God.
29
00:02:52.272 --> 00:02:55.207
You're not talking, and you know
that only makes me talk more.
30
00:02:55.375 --> 00:02:58.310
But maybe that's good, you know?
Because maybe I'll just say it.
31
00:02:58.478 --> 00:03:02.505
Maybe... Maybe I'll just tell you
I slept with someone.
32
00:03:10.123 --> 00:03:12.819
David Lindhagen. From work.
33
00:03:12.992 --> 00:03:15.586
- You met him at the Christmas party.
- Please stop.
34
00:03:15.762 --> 00:03:18.094
The last person in the world
I'd wanna hurt is you.
35
00:03:18.264 --> 00:03:19.788
If you keep talking, I'm gonna get out.
36
00:03:19.966 --> 00:03:22.594
I think the fact that I did it,
it just shows how broken we are.
37
00:03:22.769 --> 00:03:26.865
- Okay.
- How much we really... Cal.
38
00:03:27.040 --> 00:03:29.702
Oh, my God! Cal!
39
00:03:37.217 --> 00:03:38.650
Are you okay?
40
00:03:40.320 --> 00:03:44.620
I'll leave tonight. I'll sign whatever you want.
Just please stop talking about it.
41
00:03:46.859 --> 00:03:48.759
Okay.
42
00:04:07.180 --> 00:04:09.580
I'm sorry you had to see that.
43
00:04:09.749 --> 00:04:11.808
No, you know, I should have knocked.
44
00:04:19.592 --> 00:04:23.585
Just for the record,
I think about you while I do it.
45
00:04:23.763 --> 00:04:25.697
- Robbie.
- I have this picture of you...
46
00:04:25.865 --> 00:04:28.595
...and I look at it the whole time.
- Stop it.
47
00:04:29.869 --> 00:04:31.837
I love you, Jessica.
48
00:04:32.005 --> 00:04:34.235
I am actually begging you to stop it.
49
00:04:34.407 --> 00:04:37.638
And I know you're 17,
and I know I just turned 13...
50
00:04:37.810 --> 00:04:40.074
...which is the same age
as your little brother.
51
00:04:40.246 --> 00:04:42.339
But soon our age difference
won't even matter.
52
00:04:42.515 --> 00:04:46.713
Which is good, because I'm pretty sure
you're my soul mate.
53
00:04:47.086 --> 00:04:48.451
Okay, um...
54
00:04:49.355 --> 00:04:51.255
- Listen, Robbie...
We're home.
55
00:04:51.424 --> 00:04:53.016
- Shit.
- Hey.
56
00:04:53.526 --> 00:04:55.517
Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Weaver, how was...?
57
00:04:55.695 --> 00:04:57.526
Oh, my God. Uh, what happened?
58
00:04:57.697 --> 00:05:00.666
Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce,
and I jumped out of the car.
59
00:05:00.833 --> 00:05:02.960
- Cal. Honey...
Well...
60
00:05:03.136 --> 00:05:05.161
- Kids good? Everybody good?
Dad?
61
00:05:05.338 --> 00:05:07.829
Oh.
- Oh. Hey, I didn't see you standing there.
62
00:05:08.007 --> 00:05:09.599
- You're getting a divorce?
Well, yes.
63
00:05:09.776 --> 00:05:12.745
Uh, so, Jess,
did Molly get through dinner okay?
64
00:05:12.912 --> 00:05:14.174
Yeah, yeah, she's...
65
00:05:14.347 --> 00:05:17.339
- You jumped out of a moving car?
- I jumped out of a moving car.
66
00:05:17.517 --> 00:05:19.849
Did she fight you on broccoli?
- No, she didn't.
67
00:05:20.019 --> 00:05:21.179
She always fights me.
68
00:05:21.354 --> 00:05:24.016
- Sorry you had to find out this way.
- Sorry you jumped out of a car.
69
00:05:24.190 --> 00:05:26.590
- I'm sorry if she fought you.
- It's okay.
70
00:05:26.759 --> 00:05:27.783
I don't have any money.
71
00:05:27.960 --> 00:05:29.723
Uh, sweetheart? Let's go to bed, okay?
72
00:05:29.896 --> 00:05:33.388
Listen, why don't you grab your coat?
I'll drive you home. All right.
73
00:05:33.800 --> 00:05:36.735
I don't care. I love him. I really do.
74
00:05:36.903 --> 00:05:39.269
And, given the opportunity...
75
00:05:39.939 --> 00:05:41.372
Yes, I would have his babies.
76
00:05:41.541 --> 00:05:45.238
Seriously? Conan O'Brien?
You would do Conan O'Brien?
77
00:05:45.411 --> 00:05:46.673
Oh, my God, yes.
78
00:05:46.846 --> 00:05:49.679
Ew. Friend to friend, ew.
79
00:05:50.683 --> 00:05:53.880
I don't know. Your life is so PG-13.
80
00:05:54.487 --> 00:05:57.547
- My life is not PG-13.
- Oh, it so is.
81
00:05:57.724 --> 00:05:59.089
- No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
82
00:05:59.258 --> 00:06:02.750
You've never left L.A. You pass the bar,
you're gonna be what, a patent lawyer?
83
00:06:02.929 --> 00:06:07.093
Probably married to that human Valium,
Richard. I just...
84
00:06:07.266 --> 00:06:09.257
Listen, I worry about you, is all.
85
00:06:25.284 --> 00:06:26.615
So much potential...
86
00:06:26.786 --> 00:06:30.745
...and you've resorted to fantasizing
about Conan "Ginger Junk" O'Brien.
87
00:06:30.923 --> 00:06:32.948
- He's funny.
- He looks like a carrot, honey.
88
00:06:33.126 --> 00:06:34.616
Who looks like a carrot?
89
00:06:37.730 --> 00:06:39.960
Hi. Who looks like a carrot?
90
00:06:40.133 --> 00:06:42.158
Conan O'Brien.
91
00:06:42.335 --> 00:06:45.429
My friend Hannah here
thinks he's sexy.
92
00:06:45.605 --> 00:06:48.267
That's weird, I think that your friend
Hannah is sexy.
93
00:06:48.441 --> 00:06:51.501
Oh, my God. You did not just say that.
94
00:06:51.677 --> 00:06:52.803
How old are you?
95
00:06:52.979 --> 00:06:55.277
- What are you, a lawyer?
- Yeah. A little bit.
96
00:06:55.448 --> 00:06:56.915
Come on.
- I know.
97
00:06:57.083 --> 00:06:58.846
- You are? Is she?
- Gonna be.
98
00:06:59.018 --> 00:07:01.646
Don't you think you're a little old
to use cheesy pickup lines?
99
00:07:01.821 --> 00:07:04.688
- Objection. Leading the witness.
- Ha, ha.
100
00:07:04.857 --> 00:07:07.155
You're wearing that
like you're doing it a favor.
101
00:07:07.326 --> 00:07:08.953
- Oh, God.
- That's a line.
102
00:07:09.128 --> 00:07:13.189
Me sitting there for the past two hours not
being able to take my eyes off you is fact.
103
00:07:13.366 --> 00:07:17.029
I mean, there's lots of beautiful women
in this bar. Your friend included. Hi.
104
00:07:17.370 --> 00:07:18.428
I love you.
105
00:07:19.172 --> 00:07:22.539
But I can't take my eyes off of you.
That's a fact, it's not a line.
106
00:07:22.708 --> 00:07:24.608
I find you very attractive.
107
00:07:25.044 --> 00:07:26.306
Do you find me attractive?
108
00:07:26.479 --> 00:07:28.640
- She does.
- I don't.
109
00:07:28.815 --> 00:07:30.612
- Tsk. You do. She does.
- Yes, she does.
110
00:07:30.783 --> 00:07:32.148
- I don't.
- You do.
111
00:07:32.318 --> 00:07:33.945
- You do.
- I don't.
112
00:07:34.120 --> 00:07:35.849
- Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
- No.
113
00:07:36.022 --> 00:07:37.546
- You say no a lot, don't you?
- No.
114
00:07:37.723 --> 00:07:40.055
Oh, boy. Permission
to approach the bench?
115
00:07:40.226 --> 00:07:41.284
Seriously?
116
00:07:41.461 --> 00:07:44.624
Just, come on, let me deliver
my closing argument.
117
00:07:45.298 --> 00:07:46.697
Sure. Proceed.
118
00:07:46.866 --> 00:07:50.097
- Hannah, we live in a physical world, right?
Uh-huh.
119
00:07:50.269 --> 00:07:53.102
- And you're going to age, right?
- Mm-hm.
120
00:07:53.272 --> 00:07:54.330
I guarantee you this:
121
00:07:54.507 --> 00:07:58.170
You're never gonna regret going home
with that guy from the bar that one time...
122
00:07:58.344 --> 00:08:00.175
...that was a total tomcat in the sack.
123
00:08:00.880 --> 00:08:03.212
But I can't guarantee
that you won't not regret it.
124
00:08:03.382 --> 00:08:06.476
- That was a double negative.
- You're a double negative.
125
00:08:07.386 --> 00:08:09.752
Okay. Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
126
00:08:09.922 --> 00:08:12.789
Okay. You know what?
It's time to go home.
127
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:13.983
Really?
- Mm-hm.
128
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:16.151
That's forward of you, but okay. I'll do it.
129
00:08:16.329 --> 00:08:17.990
I TiVoed Saw III.
130
00:08:18.164 --> 00:08:21.065
So should I get my car or yours?
Should I pull the car around?
131
00:08:21.234 --> 00:08:22.565
You been drinking? I'll drive.
132
00:08:22.735 --> 00:08:25.568
- Liz?
Coming.
133
00:08:59.872 --> 00:09:02.568
- I'll have to call Nanna.
- Huh?
134
00:09:03.209 --> 00:09:04.836
Oh. Noth...
135
00:09:10.883 --> 00:09:13.181
So Stanford, huh?
136
00:09:14.387 --> 00:09:17.914
Good for you. That's great.
I know your dad's really proud.
137
00:09:18.090 --> 00:09:20.456
Yeah. Yeah, he's...
138
00:09:21.527 --> 00:09:25.554
- Are you sure you're okay?
- David Lindhagen, God.
139
00:09:33.306 --> 00:09:34.364
Okay.
140
00:09:42.148 --> 00:09:44.673
I'm sorry. Sorry about that.
141
00:09:45.217 --> 00:09:47.117
It's okay.
142
00:09:48.087 --> 00:09:49.213
Um...
143
00:09:50.289 --> 00:09:52.849
- Mr. Weaver?
- Hmm?
144
00:09:53.025 --> 00:09:54.083
Um...
145
00:09:55.061 --> 00:10:00.465
You're the nicest dad that I babysit...
146
00:10:00.866 --> 00:10:02.731
Of all the, um...
147
00:10:03.235 --> 00:10:04.429
You're really nice.
148
00:10:04.870 --> 00:10:06.963
- That's very nice.
- And, um...
149
00:10:08.074 --> 00:10:12.238
...I like Ms. Weaver,
I like her a lot. Okay?
150
00:10:12.411 --> 00:10:16.211
But if she wants to divorce you...
151
00:10:16.515 --> 00:10:18.483
...then I think she's batshit crazy.
152
00:10:18.651 --> 00:10:19.675
Mm.
153
00:10:19.852 --> 00:10:23.515
- Sorry.
- Okay. Okay.
154
00:10:24.724 --> 00:10:27.488
I hope this doesn't make you
uncomfortable.
155
00:10:27.727 --> 00:10:30.719
- I've developed, like, a little crush...
- Could you do me a favor?
156
00:10:30.896 --> 00:10:36.391
Would you not mention to your parents
that Mrs. Weaver and I are, you know...
157
00:10:36.569 --> 00:10:39.595
It's something we wanna tell them
on our own, okay?
158
00:10:40.139 --> 00:10:41.606
Yeah.
159
00:10:42.074 --> 00:10:44.406
Thank you, I appreciate that.
160
00:10:44.577 --> 00:10:45.703
Have a good night.
161
00:10:58.290 --> 00:11:00.053
See you soon
162
00:11:05.898 --> 00:11:07.866
Another vodka cranberry?
163
00:11:08.267 --> 00:11:09.291
I'm sorry. What?
164
00:11:09.468 --> 00:11:12.301
Another vodka cranberry?
- Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks.
165
00:11:12.471 --> 00:11:15.235
It's no surprise
166
00:11:15.408 --> 00:11:18.571
I've been by this place
a million times, never come in.
167
00:11:18.744 --> 00:11:20.405
It's nice, lot of pretty girls.
168
00:11:20.579 --> 00:11:22.843
Nowhere
169
00:11:23.015 --> 00:11:24.744
This is my life
170
00:11:26.385 --> 00:11:30.082
- Hey, guess what.
- What?
171
00:11:30.256 --> 00:11:33.953
My wife is having intercourse
with someone who is not me.
172
00:11:35.528 --> 00:11:36.961
Um, I'm sorry to hear that.
173
00:11:37.129 --> 00:11:42.294
Oh. Thank you. That is very nice
of you to say. Very, very nice.
174
00:11:43.669 --> 00:11:47.765
She just told me.
I just found out, so I'm a little raw. It's...
175
00:11:48.307 --> 00:11:50.070
Ah, okay. Well, you're not listening.
176
00:11:51.644 --> 00:11:54.078
Okay.
177
00:11:55.214 --> 00:11:58.775
You wouldn't ignore me
if I were David Lindhagen.
178
00:12:00.853 --> 00:12:03.344
My wife doesn't ignore David Lindhagen.
179
00:12:03.522 --> 00:12:05.456
She screws him.
180
00:12:07.526 --> 00:12:08.686
Screws him.
181
00:12:10.262 --> 00:12:12.594
They make this, like, gurgling sound,
it's like:
182
00:12:16.268 --> 00:12:18.259
Gay.
183
00:12:24.143 --> 00:12:25.474
- Hey, Cal.
Hey.
184
00:12:25.644 --> 00:12:27.271
Hey.
185
00:12:28.447 --> 00:12:31.905
Oh, I just, uh... I got the report
on the end-of-year financials.
186
00:12:32.318 --> 00:12:35.082
- Good. Good, good. Really great.
- Oh, good.
187
00:12:35.254 --> 00:12:36.983
You killed this quarter.
188
00:12:37.156 --> 00:12:38.350
Okay.
189
00:12:38.524 --> 00:12:40.116
Cal, seriously.
- All right.
190
00:12:41.193 --> 00:12:43.184
- Okay.
Seriously.
191
00:12:43.462 --> 00:12:46.761
Who told you
that Emily and I are getting divorced?
192
00:12:47.600 --> 00:12:49.795
- You're getting a divorce?
- Yeah.
193
00:12:53.405 --> 00:12:56.465
Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.
We all thought it was cancer.
194
00:12:56.642 --> 00:12:58.837
- Oh.
- Thank God, man. Ha-ha-ha.
195
00:12:59.011 --> 00:13:00.342
Yeah, just my relationship.
196
00:13:03.282 --> 00:13:05.375
- Thank God.
- Oh...
197
00:13:05.551 --> 00:13:06.643
Divorce.
198
00:13:08.521 --> 00:13:10.216
- I'm so lucky.
- You are.
199
00:13:10.389 --> 00:13:14.485
- I have to go pick out furniture now.
Okay, okay. You go for it.
200
00:13:17.596 --> 00:13:19.359
It could have been cancer, buddy.
201
00:13:19.732 --> 00:13:21.962
Hey, everyone, it's just a divorce.
202
00:13:22.134 --> 00:13:23.431
All right, buddy.
203
00:13:23.602 --> 00:13:26.036
Thanks. Feels good.
204
00:13:42.288 --> 00:13:45.849
Cal? I just wanted to say...
205
00:13:46.025 --> 00:13:47.515
Shit.
206
00:13:51.463 --> 00:13:54.261
Can I back that thing
out of the driveway for you?
207
00:13:54.466 --> 00:13:57.230
- Oh, no. I'll be fine.
- You have trouble in reverse, is all.
208
00:13:57.903 --> 00:14:02.067
When I get settled, the kids can come
and take a look at my new place.
209
00:14:05.110 --> 00:14:07.977
I think I'm having a midlife crisis,
maybe.
210
00:14:08.147 --> 00:14:10.775
Can women have midlife crises?
211
00:14:11.283 --> 00:14:15.083
In the movies it's always men having them
and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches...
212
00:14:15.254 --> 00:14:16.778
...but, you know, I'm not a man.
213
00:14:16.956 --> 00:14:18.355
Be sure to fertilize all this.
214
00:14:18.524 --> 00:14:23.257
We got married so young, Cal.
And now I'm 44.
215
00:14:23.495 --> 00:14:25.895
And it's so much older
than I thought I'd be.
216
00:14:26.232 --> 00:14:28.700
There's a turnoff valve
for the sprinklers over there.
217
00:14:28.868 --> 00:14:31.359
Last week, when I told you
that I had to work late...
218
00:14:31.537 --> 00:14:34.062
...I went to see the new Twilight movie
by myself.
219
00:14:35.241 --> 00:14:37.471
I don't know why I did that.
220
00:14:37.643 --> 00:14:39.474
And it was so bad, Cal.
221
00:14:39.645 --> 00:14:42.773
It keeps raining, you might
wanna turn off the automatic setting.
222
00:14:42.948 --> 00:14:46.577
And we haven't been us.
Not for a long time.
223
00:14:46.752 --> 00:14:49.880
And I don't know when you and I
stopped being us.
224
00:14:50.055 --> 00:14:51.647
I mean, do you?
225
00:14:52.124 --> 00:14:54.615
Maybe it's when
you screwed David Lindhagen.
226
00:15:21.253 --> 00:15:23.187
Nobody wants to be alone
227
00:15:27.760 --> 00:15:31.662
The heart beats happy when it has a place
228
00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:38.863
And if it doesn't have a home
229
00:15:43.208 --> 00:15:47.076
It can come into my space
230
00:15:48.180 --> 00:15:52.048
So you can be the one I love
231
00:15:52.217 --> 00:15:55.846
I can be the one you long for
232
00:15:56.021 --> 00:15:59.889
You can be the one I want
233
00:16:01.160 --> 00:16:02.286
Hey.
234
00:16:02.561 --> 00:16:04.620
Sorry I'm late,
I had to pick something up at Macy's.
235
00:16:04.797 --> 00:16:07.061
Oh. Don't even worry about it.
- A chardonnay.
236
00:16:07.232 --> 00:16:08.631
I'm just glad you're here.
237
00:16:10.469 --> 00:16:11.663
Wow.
238
00:16:12.571 --> 00:16:16.132
I don't know. I don't know what happened.
Tough couple of days.
239
00:16:18.410 --> 00:16:21.345
You know
when you don't see something coming...
240
00:16:21.513 --> 00:16:24.073
Claire said I can't be friends
with you anymore.
241
00:16:24.249 --> 00:16:25.614
What?
242
00:16:25.784 --> 00:16:28.446
She said we had to choose
between you and Emily.
243
00:16:28.620 --> 00:16:31.020
I chose you.
244
00:16:31.190 --> 00:16:33.249
But she said no.
245
00:16:37.496 --> 00:16:39.225
It's cologne.
246
00:16:41.500 --> 00:16:43.058
Bernie?
247
00:16:44.536 --> 00:16:48.028
- Are you breaking up with me, Bernie?
- There's a gift receipt in there also.
248
00:16:48.907 --> 00:16:50.033
Bernie?
249
00:16:50.209 --> 00:16:52.871
Bernie. Bernie.
250
00:16:53.045 --> 00:16:56.811
I can be the one you long for
251
00:16:56.982 --> 00:16:58.847
You can be the one
252
00:17:01.587 --> 00:17:04.522
You know a word
that is not used very often anymore?
253
00:17:04.690 --> 00:17:06.180
"Cuckold. "
254
00:17:06.358 --> 00:17:07.950
I'm a cuckold.
255
00:17:08.127 --> 00:17:12.257
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.
256
00:17:12.431 --> 00:17:14.797
He slept with my wife.
257
00:17:14.967 --> 00:17:16.400
And I didn't know about it.
258
00:17:16.568 --> 00:17:20.197
And that is the definition of cuckoldom.
259
00:17:20.372 --> 00:17:23.967
David Lindhagen took my wife
and slept with her.
260
00:17:25.611 --> 00:17:30.048
Thought I did everything right.
Got married, had kids, the house.
261
00:17:30.215 --> 00:17:33.184
What do I get for it? I get cuckolded.
262
00:17:33.919 --> 00:17:37.685
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.
263
00:17:39.058 --> 00:17:40.616
Welcome to my spaceship
264
00:17:42.361 --> 00:17:45.558
It's beautiful forever
265
00:17:46.899 --> 00:17:48.332
Can you give me five minutes?
266
00:17:50.302 --> 00:17:53.169
The heart's a lonely hunter
267
00:17:53.338 --> 00:17:54.737
Interesting.
268
00:18:02.181 --> 00:18:03.842
Hey. Jacob Palmer.
269
00:18:04.016 --> 00:18:06.246
- Cal Weaver.
- Let me buy you a drink, Cal.
270
00:18:06.418 --> 00:18:09.285
- Thanks, I have a drink.
- Sit. I'd like to buy you a drink.
271
00:18:10.255 --> 00:18:11.279
Okay.
272
00:18:13.192 --> 00:18:14.216
Guess what.
273
00:18:14.393 --> 00:18:16.918
- My wife is having an affair with...
- David Lindhagen.
274
00:18:18.430 --> 00:18:20.261
David Lindhagen. I know.
275
00:18:20.432 --> 00:18:22.229
- How do I know that?
- I don't know.
276
00:18:22.401 --> 00:18:25.302
I'm a total stranger. How would I know
something so intimate?
277
00:18:25.471 --> 00:18:27.666
- Lindhagen screwing with your wife too?
No.
278
00:18:29.208 --> 00:18:31.472
- Hmm.
You wanna know why I know that?
279
00:18:32.978 --> 00:18:34.002
Okay.
280
00:18:34.179 --> 00:18:37.979
It's all that I've heard, Cal, for the past
two nights. It's all anybody's heard.
281
00:18:38.150 --> 00:18:42.712
You're going around and you're badgering
people with this sad-sack loser sob story.
282
00:18:42.888 --> 00:18:45.288
- I don't understand why.
- I don't need this crap.
283
00:18:45.457 --> 00:18:47.220
- Cal, sit down.
- All right.
284
00:18:48.026 --> 00:18:51.928
Look, I know that it sounds harsh,
but it's true.
285
00:18:52.097 --> 00:18:54.998
And you need to hear the truth. Okay?
286
00:18:55.167 --> 00:18:56.191
Okay.
287
00:18:56.368 --> 00:18:59.166
Cal, would you take that straw
out of your mouth? Please.
288
00:18:59.338 --> 00:19:01.806
That looks like
you're sucking on a tiny schwantz.
289
00:19:01.974 --> 00:19:05.068
Is that what you want?
Is that the message you wanna send?
290
00:19:05.244 --> 00:19:08.145
- No one's thinking that.
Really?
291
00:19:08.547 --> 00:19:12.916
- So permission to speak candidly, sir.
- Uh, think you've already gone there.
292
00:19:13.085 --> 00:19:15.280
You're sitting there
with a Supercuts haircut...
293
00:19:15.454 --> 00:19:19.049
...getting drunk on watered-down
vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl...
294
00:19:19.224 --> 00:19:22.284
...and you're wearing a 44
when you should be wearing a 42 regular.
295
00:19:22.461 --> 00:19:25.487
Honestly, I don't know if I should
help you or euthanize you.
296
00:19:26.431 --> 00:19:29.992
Cal, you got a kind face.
297
00:19:30.169 --> 00:19:32.933
You got a good head of hair.
You seem like a nice guy.
298
00:19:34.273 --> 00:19:37.868
I wanna help you. I'm gonna help you
rediscover your manhood.
299
00:19:39.845 --> 00:19:43.337
Do you have any idea,
like, where you lost it?
300
00:19:44.049 --> 00:19:46.847
- A strong case could be made for 1984.
Well.
301
00:19:50.556 --> 00:19:51.614
We're gonna find it.
302
00:19:52.524 --> 00:19:55.459
We are. I promise you.
303
00:19:55.994 --> 00:19:58.326
And I promise you this too, Cal:
304
00:19:58.497 --> 00:20:00.260
When we're done...
305
00:20:00.532 --> 00:20:02.727
...this wife of yours...
306
00:20:03.235 --> 00:20:07.069
...she's gonna rue the day
she ever decided to give up on you.
307
00:20:08.707 --> 00:20:10.834
That's my offer.
308
00:20:11.410 --> 00:20:13.275
You in or you out?
309
00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:16.070
Why are you doing this?
310
00:20:16.248 --> 00:20:17.806
Maybe you remind me of someone.
311
00:20:19.952 --> 00:20:21.817
You in or you out?
312
00:20:24.423 --> 00:20:26.152
I'm in.
313
00:20:31.730 --> 00:20:33.129
Hey, fancy face, you wanna go?
314
00:20:34.600 --> 00:20:36.329
Okay.
315
00:20:36.501 --> 00:20:40.062
Century City Mall, food court,
3:00, Thursday.
316
00:20:41.907 --> 00:20:43.670
After you, hon.
317
00:20:46.211 --> 00:20:48.475
Good night, fancy face.
318
00:20:52.884 --> 00:20:55.352
She will rue the day.
319
00:20:56.888 --> 00:20:59.755
Set you guys up with some snacks
over here. TV's already on.
320
00:21:05.631 --> 00:21:06.655
You okay?
321
00:21:07.199 --> 00:21:09.099
Mm. Yeah. You?
322
00:21:09.968 --> 00:21:11.196
Mm.
323
00:21:11.370 --> 00:21:12.530
Can I tell you something?
324
00:21:13.972 --> 00:21:15.371
Love sucks.
325
00:21:20.012 --> 00:21:21.343
Yeah.
326
00:21:21.513 --> 00:21:23.276
You in love, buddy?
327
00:21:23.448 --> 00:21:25.882
Well, if you must know...
- Ding-dong.
328
00:21:26.051 --> 00:21:28.451
- Oh, hey, Jess. Thanks for coming by.
- Hey. Yeah.
329
00:21:28.620 --> 00:21:29.985
What is she doing here?
330
00:21:30.155 --> 00:21:34.558
Guys, I have to step out for a couple
of minutes. Okay? All right? Okay.
331
00:21:34.726 --> 00:21:36.921
Mom wants you to stay
while she's out hooking.
332
00:21:37.095 --> 00:21:38.323
- What?
What?
333
00:21:38.497 --> 00:21:41.864
Oh. Um, the place is nice, Mr. Weaver.
334
00:21:42.034 --> 00:21:43.899
Thanks.
That's a very generous adjective.
335
00:21:44.069 --> 00:21:45.798
- Honey.
I don't need a babysitter.
336
00:21:45.971 --> 00:21:48.337
She's only four years older.
You need to know that.
337
00:21:48.507 --> 00:21:51.408
- She needs to know that.
- I know, I know, I know.
338
00:21:51.576 --> 00:21:53.305
Man, are you growing up.
339
00:21:53.478 --> 00:21:55.969
Look at him. It's unbelievable.
He's in love already.
340
00:21:56.148 --> 00:21:57.172
Oh.
341
00:21:58.750 --> 00:22:01.412
Molly. Say bye to Daddy.
342
00:22:01.586 --> 00:22:05.113
- Wait, where are you going?
- I'm taking a class.
343
00:22:05.457 --> 00:22:09.018
- That is great, Mr. Weaver.
- Thank you.
344
00:22:09.194 --> 00:22:13.290
This is a difficult time for you, right?
And it's important to try new things.
345
00:22:13.465 --> 00:22:17.265
Even things that you haven't
considered trying before.
346
00:22:17.436 --> 00:22:21.896
Mm-hm. Yup. Molly, I'm going.
347
00:22:22.074 --> 00:22:24.872
Okay. That's my princess. Bye. Thanks.
348
00:22:25.043 --> 00:22:28.103
- But wait. Dad.
Bye, guys. See you in a bit.
349
00:22:28.914 --> 00:22:32.008
Hey, Tiger.
350
00:22:36.088 --> 00:22:38.613
- I love you so, so much.
- Jeez, Robbie.
351
00:22:38.790 --> 00:22:40.690
I love you so much. Please?
352
00:22:43.695 --> 00:22:45.925
What the hell am I doing?
353
00:22:46.865 --> 00:22:48.924
What am I doing?
354
00:22:51.403 --> 00:22:53.064
Hey, uh, everybody.
355
00:22:53.238 --> 00:22:55.399
Everybody. Uh, if I could...
356
00:22:55.574 --> 00:22:57.633
Thank you. A little toast.
357
00:22:57.809 --> 00:23:01.711
I would like to thank you all for coming
to Hannah Banana's goodbye party.
358
00:23:02.514 --> 00:23:04.379
And to my...
359
00:23:04.549 --> 00:23:06.449
- ... Hannah Banana.
Ha, ha.
360
00:23:06.618 --> 00:23:09.280
You go into your cave
and you study your butt off.
361
00:23:09.454 --> 00:23:14.653
Because if you do, I just know
that you are gonna kick that bar's butt...
362
00:23:15.627 --> 00:23:18.494
...out of here. You know?
- Yeah.
363
00:23:18.663 --> 00:23:21.257
It reminds me of an old story
my law professor told me...
364
00:23:21.433 --> 00:23:23.628
Oh, dear God. Cheers, everyone.
365
00:23:23.802 --> 00:23:25.895
Cheers.
366
00:23:26.071 --> 00:23:27.095
Hey, Liz.
367
00:23:27.272 --> 00:23:31.470
Listen, when my girl here passes...
368
00:23:32.043 --> 00:23:35.274
...I'm gonna have another
little celebration right here...
369
00:23:35.447 --> 00:23:38.644
...and I hope you can make it,
because it's gonna be a special night.
370
00:23:38.817 --> 00:23:40.375
Okay.
371
00:23:45.390 --> 00:23:47.688
- Did you hear that?
Hear what?
372
00:23:47.859 --> 00:23:52.057
- You heard that? "Special night"?
Yeah. Yeah.
373
00:23:53.265 --> 00:23:54.596
You think he's gonna propose?
374
00:23:56.268 --> 00:23:58.862
At the El Torito Grill? God, I hope not.
375
00:23:59.037 --> 00:24:00.163
Why, do you want him to?
376
00:24:02.407 --> 00:24:03.704
I don't know, he's nice.
377
00:24:03.875 --> 00:24:06.639
"He's ni... "? Hannah.
378
00:24:07.179 --> 00:24:08.771
He's a sweetheart. Look at him.
379
00:24:08.947 --> 00:24:10.209
- He bcc'd you?
- Right, yeah.
380
00:24:11.349 --> 00:24:14.944
All right. Hannah, look at you.
Look at you.
381
00:24:15.120 --> 00:24:18.248
If you end up with that,
what am I gonna end up with?
382
00:24:18.423 --> 00:24:21.551
- Shut up. Come on.
- That shit's depressing.
383
00:24:21.726 --> 00:24:25.753
All right. You know what?
I have to not big-sister you. It's fine if...
384
00:24:25.931 --> 00:24:26.955
Jesus, really?
385
00:24:27.132 --> 00:24:29.965
No. No. Not my life. Not my life.
I'm going. Okay?
386
00:24:30.135 --> 00:24:33.571
So call me if you need anything. Bye.
387
00:24:33.738 --> 00:24:35.205
You're awful. Bye.
388
00:24:35.373 --> 00:24:37.432
Thank you for coming.
389
00:25:08.907 --> 00:25:10.169
Um...
390
00:25:12.444 --> 00:25:14.344
- You're late.
- Yeah. Sorry.
391
00:25:14.513 --> 00:25:16.242
- Sbarro's?
- No, thanks.
392
00:25:16.414 --> 00:25:18.939
Let me ask a question.
How much you got for clothes?
393
00:25:19.117 --> 00:25:20.175
Um...
394
00:25:20.352 --> 00:25:22.752
- What happened to your feet?
- What do you mean?
395
00:25:22.921 --> 00:25:25.754
- These are my 407 s.
- Oh, they're 407 s.
396
00:25:25.924 --> 00:25:27.414
- Can I see them?
- Yeah.
397
00:25:27.592 --> 00:25:29.583
- These offer a lot of support.
- Right.
398
00:25:29.761 --> 00:25:31.251
Whoa. Come on.
399
00:25:31.897 --> 00:25:34.127
- What, are you in a fraternity?
- Are you insane?
400
00:25:34.299 --> 00:25:36.267
You could have hit somebody.
What was that?
401
00:25:36.434 --> 00:25:38.595
- I'm asking a question. You in a frat?
- No.
402
00:25:38.770 --> 00:25:40.294
- Are you Steve Jobs?
- What?
403
00:25:40.472 --> 00:25:43.532
Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire
owner of Apple Computers?
404
00:25:43.708 --> 00:25:44.800
- No.
Oh.
405
00:25:44.976 --> 00:25:48.537
Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right
to wear New Balance sneakers ever.
406
00:25:49.581 --> 00:25:51.776
- Come on.
- Mm... Oh...
407
00:25:55.754 --> 00:25:57.051
Okay. All right.
408
00:25:57.222 --> 00:25:59.690
One of the best parts
about being a guy your age...
409
00:25:59.858 --> 00:26:02.793
Frankly, there aren't many, so you
should really take full advantage of it.
410
00:26:02.961 --> 00:26:03.985
Uh-huh.
411
00:26:04.162 --> 00:26:07.154
- Is that you can rebuild your entire
wardrobe with like 16 items.
412
00:26:07.332 --> 00:26:08.458
Credit card.
413
00:26:20.278 --> 00:26:21.302
What?
414
00:26:26.952 --> 00:26:29.284
You see, the problem
is that your head has like...
415
00:26:29.454 --> 00:26:31.513
Like the proportions
of a Styrofoam peanut.
416
00:26:36.261 --> 00:26:39.253
The skin under your eyes is starting
to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sac.
417
00:26:42.801 --> 00:26:44.598
It does.
418
00:26:51.276 --> 00:26:52.334
Where are your wallets?
419
00:26:55.780 --> 00:26:57.941
- I'm set for jeans.
- You're not set for jeans.
420
00:26:58.116 --> 00:27:00.380
- These are fine.
They're not fine.
421
00:27:00.552 --> 00:27:03.112
- You have a mom butt.
- Why don't we just go to the Gap?
422
00:27:05.857 --> 00:27:07.791
You know what? They have a s... Okay.
423
00:27:07.959 --> 00:27:09.984
What are you doing?
424
00:27:13.832 --> 00:27:17.393
Cal, be better than the Gap.
425
00:27:17.836 --> 00:27:19.997
Be better than the Gap.
426
00:27:20.171 --> 00:27:21.695
Say it.
427
00:27:23.241 --> 00:27:24.640
I'm better than the Gap.
428
00:27:27.579 --> 00:27:28.705
- Come on.
- God.
429
00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:30.905
- Stop slapping me. Really.
Okay.
430
00:27:31.583 --> 00:27:33.107
You're beautiful.
431
00:27:34.019 --> 00:27:36.487
He likes to slap me in the face.
432
00:27:36.655 --> 00:27:38.623
- What are you doing later?
- Ha, ha. I don't know.
433
00:27:38.790 --> 00:27:40.314
- I do.
- Do you?
434
00:27:40.492 --> 00:27:42.323
- I know exactly what you're doing.
- Oh, ha, ha.
435
00:27:42.494 --> 00:27:43.722
Seriously? Seriously?
436
00:27:43.895 --> 00:27:45.419
- You ask her out like that?
- Yeah.
437
00:27:45.597 --> 00:27:47.690
And that worked?
438
00:27:48.533 --> 00:27:49.693
Yeah.
439
00:27:49.868 --> 00:27:52.530
Feeling kind of stupid, but...
440
00:27:53.972 --> 00:27:55.337
Wow.
441
00:27:55.507 --> 00:27:57.566
Look at you.
442
00:27:57.776 --> 00:27:59.073
Feel like I'm going skiing.
443
00:28:00.011 --> 00:28:02.741
- Would you sleep with him?
- Jesus. God.
444
00:28:02.914 --> 00:28:05.747
- Yeah, probably.
- Wha...?
445
00:28:06.451 --> 00:28:08.112
You would?
446
00:28:08.286 --> 00:28:11.119
That's... What?
447
00:28:13.358 --> 00:28:14.950
What are you even saying?
448
00:28:15.493 --> 00:28:17.154
You see what just happened, Cal?
449
00:28:17.328 --> 00:28:20.923
Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany
started doubting whether she wanted to.
450
00:28:21.099 --> 00:28:24.068
That's the meanest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
451
00:28:24.235 --> 00:28:25.827
No. This is.
452
00:28:28.840 --> 00:28:32.332
Your wife cheated on you because
you lost sight of who you are as a man...
453
00:28:32.510 --> 00:28:36.037
...as a husband, and probably as a lover.
454
00:28:36.214 --> 00:28:38.341
You're right, that's meaner.
455
00:28:40.685 --> 00:28:42.653
Let's talk about how many women
you've been with.
456
00:28:43.288 --> 00:28:46.553
- Sexually?
- Yeah, no. I mean break-dance fighting.
457
00:28:48.760 --> 00:28:49.988
One.
458
00:28:51.896 --> 00:28:53.420
No. Not at one time.
459
00:28:55.834 --> 00:28:56.892
How many total?
460
00:28:58.903 --> 00:29:00.370
Don't say it. Don't say it.
461
00:29:00.538 --> 00:29:02.130
We met in high school, okay?
462
00:29:02.307 --> 00:29:04.434
Oh, boy. You're kidding me.
463
00:29:05.443 --> 00:29:06.967
One woman? That's great.
464
00:29:07.145 --> 00:29:08.874
- Emily is beautiful.
- I guess.
465
00:29:09.047 --> 00:29:11.174
She was gorgeous.
She was one of those women...
466
00:29:11.349 --> 00:29:15.115
...that could be wildly sexy
and unbelievably cute all at the same time.
467
00:29:15.286 --> 00:29:16.913
We had a little blip senior year...
468
00:29:17.088 --> 00:29:19.488
I literally stopped listening at "Emily. "
469
00:29:19.657 --> 00:29:21.921
I think we should start approaching
women tonight.
470
00:29:22.093 --> 00:29:23.856
Are you ready to go?
471
00:29:25.296 --> 00:29:26.763
I miss my wife.
472
00:29:30.435 --> 00:29:31.834
Hi.
Hi.
473
00:29:32.003 --> 00:29:33.664
How are you?
- Good. How are you?
474
00:29:33.838 --> 00:29:35.772
I'm great. I'm Jacob. What's your name?
475
00:29:35.940 --> 00:29:38.340
- Oh. Amy Johnson.
- Amy Johnson.
476
00:29:39.778 --> 00:29:41.712
- I'm Jacob Palmer. How you doing?
- Uh, great.
477
00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:43.279
Good.
- I'm Cal.
478
00:29:43.448 --> 00:29:44.915
No. Not yet.
479
00:29:45.083 --> 00:29:48.382
- Sorry. Amy, can I buy you a drink?
- Uh-huh.
480
00:29:48.553 --> 00:29:49.645
Keep her company?
481
00:29:49.821 --> 00:29:52.289
- I'd be happy to.
- Lf he gets handsy, let me know.
482
00:29:53.992 --> 00:29:56.324
I wouldn't touch you
if my life depended on it.
483
00:30:00.231 --> 00:30:03.496
- Uh, what was your name?
- Cal Weaver.
484
00:30:03.668 --> 00:30:06.034
Cal Weaver.
- No relation to Dennis Weaver.
485
00:30:06.437 --> 00:30:09.463
- Uh... Uh...
- McCloud.
486
00:30:09.641 --> 00:30:12.235
McCloud was a show in the '70s
that...
487
00:30:12.410 --> 00:30:14.674
You're not talking about McCloud
again, are you?
488
00:30:14.846 --> 00:30:18.077
Here we go, huh?
To all of our fallen homeys.
489
00:30:18.249 --> 00:30:20.740
Well, I'm the fourth of five sisters.
490
00:30:20.919 --> 00:30:23.012
- No. That's boring.
- Oh.
491
00:30:23.188 --> 00:30:26.783
Not for your sisters,
but for my purposes, it's not gonna work.
492
00:30:26.958 --> 00:30:29.756
- Okay.
- I have this friend.
493
00:30:30.061 --> 00:30:34.361
And he thinks that you're way too pretty
to be interesting and that's hogwash.
494
00:30:34.532 --> 00:30:37.797
- All right. You wanna get out of here?
- Uh, sure.
495
00:30:37.969 --> 00:30:39.061
Giddyup.
496
00:30:39.237 --> 00:30:41.535
Am I boring you? I'm totally boring you.
I'm...
497
00:30:41.706 --> 00:30:43.173
How are you doing this, like...
498
00:30:43.341 --> 00:30:46.970
...wildly sexy but unbelievably cute
thing that you're doing?
499
00:30:47.145 --> 00:30:48.908
Uh...
- It's weird.
500
00:30:49.080 --> 00:30:51.105
- You wanna get out of here?
- Yeah.
501
00:30:51.282 --> 00:30:53.409
- Okay.
Cool.
502
00:30:53.585 --> 00:30:56.782
So Molly, who's 6 at the time,
can't find Mr. Bobo.
503
00:30:56.955 --> 00:30:58.718
We're looking all over.
504
00:30:58.890 --> 00:31:02.553
It's in the kitchen.
Mr. Bobo was in the kitchen the whole time.
505
00:31:03.695 --> 00:31:05.629
Wanna get out of here?
506
00:31:05.797 --> 00:31:07.526
Have a good night.
507
00:31:09.033 --> 00:31:10.398
- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah.
508
00:31:10.568 --> 00:31:11.967
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
509
00:31:12.136 --> 00:31:14.161
- Let's get out of here.
Absolutely.
510
00:31:14.339 --> 00:31:15.704
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
511
00:31:15.874 --> 00:31:17.273
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
512
00:32:06.591 --> 00:32:07.615
Shit.
513
00:32:10.495 --> 00:32:14.454
- You have a second?
- Hey, David. No. Because I'm swamped.
514
00:32:14.632 --> 00:32:17.157
You've been avoiding me.
- No. I haven't.
515
00:32:17.335 --> 00:32:20.930
You ran in the other direction when you
saw me coming down the hall yesterday.
516
00:32:21.105 --> 00:32:23.801
- You're very fast, by the way.
- I ran track in high school.
517
00:32:23.975 --> 00:32:25.943
That must be it.
518
00:32:26.744 --> 00:32:30.111
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
about you and Cal.
519
00:32:30.281 --> 00:32:32.249
- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.
520
00:32:32.417 --> 00:32:33.884
I like you, Emily.
521
00:32:34.052 --> 00:32:36.111
Do you have any idea
how much I like you?
522
00:32:36.287 --> 00:32:38.482
Hey, David, you know,
I really have a lot to do.
523
00:32:38.656 --> 00:32:41.056
I had no intention of falling
for a married woman...
524
00:32:41.225 --> 00:32:44.353
...but all of a sudden we're having
lunch and I'm this accountant...
525
00:32:44.529 --> 00:32:47.054
...who's waking up every morning
excited to go to work.
526
00:32:47.231 --> 00:32:50.860
And that just does not happen
for accountants. Ever.
527
00:32:51.035 --> 00:32:52.832
I checked with other accountants.
528
00:32:53.004 --> 00:32:55.268
David, you know what?
You've been a great friend.
529
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:58.568
You noticed last month when I got
my hair trimmed and that was huge.
530
00:32:58.743 --> 00:33:00.210
But look, trust me. You know...
531
00:33:00.378 --> 00:33:03.973
I am saving you from disaster, because
you're asking to pre-board the Titanic.
532
00:33:04.148 --> 00:33:06.013
Do you really want any part of this?
533
00:33:06.184 --> 00:33:07.651
Do I really want any part of this?
534
00:33:09.020 --> 00:33:11.352
- Emily? Your report's ready.
- Okay.
535
00:33:14.025 --> 00:33:16.323
Okay, people. Here it is.
536
00:33:16.494 --> 00:33:20.260
The Scarlet Letter
by Nathaniel Hawthorne.
537
00:33:20.431 --> 00:33:25.232
A romance set in Salem in the 1600s.
It is about sin.
538
00:33:41.552 --> 00:33:45.818
Forced to wear the scarlet A
to punish her adulterous behavior.
539
00:33:45.990 --> 00:33:50.484
Dimmesdale's A is inflicted upon himself
in the form of a...
540
00:33:50.661 --> 00:33:52.288
Mr. Weaver.
541
00:33:52.463 --> 00:33:54.556
Mr. Weaver.
542
00:33:54.732 --> 00:33:57.462
Are we interrupting?
543
00:33:57.635 --> 00:34:01.071
You wanna talk about
The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty?
544
00:34:01.272 --> 00:34:02.534
All right.
545
00:34:02.707 --> 00:34:07.144
Well, the A they're both wearing...
546
00:34:07.311 --> 00:34:10.212
...I think it stands for "asshole. "
547
00:34:10.381 --> 00:34:11.609
Wanna know why?
548
00:34:11.783 --> 00:34:13.944
Because they fell in love...
549
00:34:14.118 --> 00:34:16.951
...and love is for stupid assholes.
550
00:34:17.121 --> 00:34:19.715
And this book is just about
a bunch of assholes...
551
00:34:19.891 --> 00:34:21.859
...who fell in love, like assholes...
552
00:34:22.026 --> 00:34:24.722
...then had to die, like assholes.
553
00:34:26.564 --> 00:34:29.226
I'm sorry about all the "assholes. "
554
00:34:29.634 --> 00:34:31.693
You know what else might work?
A swear jar.
555
00:34:31.869 --> 00:34:34.337
You know, a quarter per curse word.
556
00:34:34.505 --> 00:34:36.200
Yeah, we'll definitely try that.
557
00:34:36.374 --> 00:34:37.966
All right. Could help.
558
00:34:38.142 --> 00:34:40.269
- Take care.
- Thanks.
559
00:34:43.915 --> 00:34:46.782
- Seriously?
- Sorry.
560
00:34:46.951 --> 00:34:50.512
Hey, I have to go back to the office.
You're gonna have to wait for me there.
561
00:34:50.688 --> 00:34:52.053
Fine.
562
00:34:54.025 --> 00:34:56.892
They're still making kids read
The Scarlet Letter, huh?
563
00:34:57.328 --> 00:34:58.556
Yep.
564
00:34:58.729 --> 00:35:02.358
You'd think somebody would have
written something better by now.
565
00:35:17.582 --> 00:35:20.210
I guess I should take that down, huh?
566
00:35:20.985 --> 00:35:22.009
I guess.
567
00:35:29.961 --> 00:35:31.189
So how is he? You know.
568
00:35:32.363 --> 00:35:35.696
I mean, I...
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Forget it. Just ignore me.
569
00:35:35.867 --> 00:35:37.334
- Forget I ever...
- He's out a lot.
570
00:35:38.769 --> 00:35:40.896
- A lot?
- Yeah.
571
00:35:41.072 --> 00:35:42.596
Like...
572
00:35:43.774 --> 00:35:47.039
Like "a lot" a lot,
or just like a little?
573
00:35:47.645 --> 00:35:48.737
A lot.
574
00:35:50.114 --> 00:35:53.447
Well, that's good. That's really good.
575
00:35:58.222 --> 00:36:01.191
- Wanna get takeout tonight, honey?
- I mean, he's sad.
576
00:36:02.126 --> 00:36:05.527
I can tell that he's sad.
Even though he looks better...
577
00:36:05.696 --> 00:36:11.657
...I can still tell that he's not happy,
you know?
578
00:36:13.037 --> 00:36:17.167
Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah.
579
00:36:20.745 --> 00:36:23.043
I guess I'm pretty sad too.
580
00:36:23.214 --> 00:36:24.841
I know.
581
00:36:25.016 --> 00:36:27.041
I heard you crying the other night.
582
00:36:28.452 --> 00:36:29.919
Didn't know what to do.
583
00:36:30.087 --> 00:36:34.888
Oh, Robbie, baby, you're 13,
you're not supposed to know what to do.
584
00:36:35.059 --> 00:36:36.083
I tried Googling it.
585
00:36:36.260 --> 00:36:38.592
- You did not.
- Yep. I did.
586
00:36:38.763 --> 00:36:42.255
- Well, what did you Google?
- I searched "Mom crying in bed. "
587
00:36:42.967 --> 00:36:45.094
What did Google say?
588
00:36:45.269 --> 00:36:50.297
Just a bunch of weird videos
of moms in bed.
589
00:36:50.474 --> 00:36:52.874
Ugh. Oh, God. Okay.
All right, that's enough. No more.
590
00:36:54.378 --> 00:36:56.312
Do those parental controls work at all?
591
00:36:56.914 --> 00:36:57.938
They work for me.
592
00:36:58.583 --> 00:37:02.246
Because you're a disgusting teenager,
that's why.
593
00:37:03.654 --> 00:37:04.678
Hey.
- Oh, hey.
594
00:37:04.855 --> 00:37:08.723
- Bill wants to see you before you take off.
- Oh. Uh, David, this is my son, Robbie.
595
00:37:08.893 --> 00:37:11.293
Robbie, this is David.
596
00:37:11.462 --> 00:37:14.989
- Um, we work together.
- How you doing, buddy?
597
00:37:19.036 --> 00:37:21.027
- You all right to wait a little bit?
- Yeah.
598
00:37:21.205 --> 00:37:23.901
Okay. Thanks, David.
599
00:37:36.787 --> 00:37:40.814
So, Robbie, I hear
you're quite the soccer player.
600
00:37:45.596 --> 00:37:48.190
So, David, I hear
you broke up my parents' marriage.
601
00:37:49.100 --> 00:37:52.866
- You are David Lindhagen, right?
- Lindhagen.
602
00:37:53.037 --> 00:37:56.234
- Yeah. Here's the thing, Lindhagen.
- Hagen.
603
00:37:56.407 --> 00:37:57.431
Whatever.
604
00:37:57.608 --> 00:38:00.372
In the end, she winds up
back with my dad.
605
00:38:00.544 --> 00:38:03.707
He's a better guy than you are
in every category.
606
00:38:03.881 --> 00:38:06.816
And she still loves him.
He's not gonna give up on my mom...
607
00:38:06.984 --> 00:38:09.452
...like I'm not gonna stop
sending Jessica messages...
608
00:38:09.620 --> 00:38:11.520
...that make her feel uncomfortable.
609
00:38:11.689 --> 00:38:13.680
Hey. You ready to go, honey?
610
00:38:13.858 --> 00:38:17.487
- Can we order Chinese for dinner tonight?
Yeah. Sure, honey.
611
00:38:18.496 --> 00:38:20.157
Hi, David. Get your stuff.
612
00:38:20.331 --> 00:38:21.992
- Bye, David.
See you.
613
00:38:30.174 --> 00:38:32.438
You're not gonna be able
to feel your arms.
614
00:38:32.610 --> 00:38:34.305
I'll be fine.
615
00:38:34.879 --> 00:38:36.107
Jesus Christ.
616
00:38:36.314 --> 00:38:38.714
Look, let's face it, Cal, all right?
617
00:38:38.883 --> 00:38:43.252
The war between the sexes is over,
and we won, okay?
618
00:38:44.588 --> 00:38:47.716
We won the second women started doing
pole dancing for exercise.
619
00:38:47.892 --> 00:38:50.417
But even though we won,
they still deserve our respect.
620
00:38:50.594 --> 00:38:54.223
Make them feel beautiful, listen to
their problems, open the door for them.
621
00:38:54.398 --> 00:38:56.195
Would you put on some clothes, please?
622
00:38:56.367 --> 00:38:58.631
- I'm sorry, is this bothering you?
- No, it's not.
623
00:38:58.836 --> 00:39:02.237
My schwantz is in your face.
If it's not bothering you, we got a problem.
624
00:39:02.740 --> 00:39:05.004
- Okay, it bothers me.
- I don't care.
625
00:39:05.176 --> 00:39:08.111
You gotta take control
of your manhood, pal. You know?
626
00:39:08.279 --> 00:39:10.076
You want something, you take it.
627
00:39:10.247 --> 00:39:12.943
You don't like something, you say it.
I take what I want.
628
00:39:13.117 --> 00:39:15.779
David Lindhagen certainly took
what he wanted, didn't he?
629
00:39:15.953 --> 00:39:17.420
And I can guarantee you this:
630
00:39:17.588 --> 00:39:21.251
He is opening the car door
for your wife right now.
631
00:39:21.425 --> 00:39:22.449
What, you passing out?
632
00:39:24.962 --> 00:39:26.429
Oh, boy.
633
00:39:38.376 --> 00:39:40.742
- I think you're ready, pal.
- For what?
634
00:39:40.911 --> 00:39:45.041
To talk to a pretty lady,
and take her home and show her your gift.
635
00:39:45.216 --> 00:39:46.740
No. No, I'm not.
636
00:39:46.917 --> 00:39:48.646
You're ready as you're ever gonna be.
637
00:39:48.819 --> 00:39:51.845
You play your strengths, pal.
That's all any of us can do.
638
00:39:52.022 --> 00:39:54.490
I'm mysterious.
639
00:39:54.892 --> 00:39:56.416
I'm, you know, good in bed.
640
00:39:57.695 --> 00:40:00.664
And you are a, uh...
641
00:40:00.831 --> 00:40:02.765
...you know, stable and employed adult.
642
00:40:02.933 --> 00:40:04.332
Jesus.
643
00:40:04.502 --> 00:40:06.834
You see this lady over here at 9 o'clock?
644
00:40:08.973 --> 00:40:10.167
You want me to hit on her?
645
00:40:10.341 --> 00:40:12.309
No, I wanna hit on her.
The one behind her.
646
00:40:12.476 --> 00:40:13.500
Oh.
647
00:40:13.677 --> 00:40:15.110
She's a fox, right?
Mm-hm.
648
00:40:15.279 --> 00:40:18.942
You think she came to a crowded bar
to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting.
649
00:40:19.116 --> 00:40:24.213
She's just looking for an opportunity
to settle for a responsible and stable adult.
650
00:40:24.422 --> 00:40:26.049
And I'd like her to settle for you.
651
00:40:26.223 --> 00:40:28.657
Oh. Well, thank you for the ego boost,
but you know what?
652
00:40:28.826 --> 00:40:30.589
Just because I've watched you
pick up women...
653
00:40:30.761 --> 00:40:32.592
...doesn't mean I know how
to pick up women.
654
00:40:32.763 --> 00:40:35.664
- Ever see Karate Kid?
- What does that have to do with anything?
655
00:40:35.833 --> 00:40:38.597
When he's teaching him to wax on and off
but really to fight?
656
00:40:38.769 --> 00:40:40.031
You want me to fight someone?
657
00:40:40.204 --> 00:40:42.934
What's the first thing I do
when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink.
658
00:40:43.107 --> 00:40:46.406
Yes, always. Without fail.
You buy her a drink.
659
00:40:46.577 --> 00:40:49.273
Even if she doesn't want one,
you insist.
660
00:40:49.447 --> 00:40:51.347
- And do I talk about myself?
- Never.
661
00:40:51.515 --> 00:40:53.039
Never about yourself, always her.
662
00:40:53.217 --> 00:40:55.082
- Because bar banter?
- Is boring.
663
00:40:55.252 --> 00:40:58.244
So you put the impetus on her.
She has to be the interesting one.
664
00:40:58.456 --> 00:41:01.118
"Impress me.
Impress me with how interesting you are. "
665
00:41:01.292 --> 00:41:04.318
It's a big game. Game.
Creepy, creepy little game you play.
666
00:41:04.495 --> 00:41:06.087
- That's judgmental, isn't it?
- Mm-hm.
667
00:41:06.263 --> 00:41:08.356
At the end of the night
do I ask them to come home?
668
00:41:08.532 --> 00:41:11.660
No, you tell them to come home.
They have no choice in the matter.
669
00:41:11.836 --> 00:41:16.170
It is your choice and they are so overjoyed
to have had the opportunity...
670
00:41:16.574 --> 00:41:20.510
...to make sweet, sweet love to you.
671
00:41:21.011 --> 00:41:22.501
Oh, my God.
672
00:41:23.080 --> 00:41:25.014
You did, you Miyagi'd me.
673
00:41:25.616 --> 00:41:26.776
Honk.
674
00:41:27.017 --> 00:41:28.712
Take your ring off. Let's go.
675
00:41:34.225 --> 00:41:38.491
Just no talking about your kids, your job,
David Lindhagen, don't you dare.
676
00:41:38.662 --> 00:41:40.186
Shut up, shut up. Just shut up.
677
00:41:40.364 --> 00:41:41.388
- Hello.
Hi.
678
00:41:41.565 --> 00:41:42.759
Hi. Hi.
679
00:41:42.933 --> 00:41:45.094
- Who are you?
- Hey. I'm Kate.
680
00:41:45.269 --> 00:41:48.136
- Kate, you mind if I introduce you to my...?
- I'm Cal.
681
00:41:48.539 --> 00:41:50.507
- I got this. Pleased to meet you.
- Hi.
682
00:41:50.674 --> 00:41:53.165
And this is my friend Jacob.
He was just leaving.
683
00:41:53.677 --> 00:41:55.372
- Oh.
- Oh.
684
00:41:55.546 --> 00:41:58.106
So that's one way to treat people.
685
00:42:03.320 --> 00:42:04.651
So can I buy you a drink, Kate?
686
00:42:04.822 --> 00:42:08.121
- Oh. No, thank you.
- I'm gonna buy you a drink anyway.
687
00:42:10.327 --> 00:42:12.386
Grey Goose, right?
688
00:42:12.563 --> 00:42:15.031
Rocks. Two limes?
689
00:42:15.533 --> 00:42:16.557
I'm five years sober.
690
00:42:17.601 --> 00:42:19.933
- What can I get for you?
- Nothing. Nothing.
691
00:42:20.104 --> 00:42:22.538
Go away, we're good.
Please don't come back ever.
692
00:42:24.742 --> 00:42:29.406
- Ahem. So, what do you do, Cal?
- I don't know. What do you do, Kate?
693
00:42:30.114 --> 00:42:31.809
- I asked you first.
- I asked you second.
694
00:42:34.418 --> 00:42:35.817
Seriously, what do you do?
695
00:42:35.986 --> 00:42:37.544
Seriously, what do you do?
696
00:42:40.190 --> 00:42:42.055
Are you really not going to tell me
what you do?
697
00:42:42.226 --> 00:42:43.750
Ah...
698
00:42:45.496 --> 00:42:48.294
- Uh, okay, I'm a teacher.
- Boring.
699
00:42:49.500 --> 00:42:52.264
Come on, you gotta keep it interesting.
Interest me.
700
00:42:52.436 --> 00:42:53.733
Uh...
701
00:42:53.904 --> 00:42:56.805
- I studied at Oxford for five years.
- Boring!
702
00:42:56.974 --> 00:43:01.001
Wow. Teacher with an alcohol dependency
who studied at Oxford.
703
00:43:01.178 --> 00:43:03.738
Blah, blah, blah. Bleh.
704
00:43:03.914 --> 00:43:05.108
England. Yuck.
705
00:43:05.282 --> 00:43:06.909
I think my friends just got here.
706
00:43:07.084 --> 00:43:09.609
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
707
00:43:09.787 --> 00:43:12.449
- Okay, I'm in corporate insurance.
- Oh, God.
708
00:43:12.623 --> 00:43:13.988
I have children, plural.
709
00:43:14.158 --> 00:43:16.149
My wife was cheating on me
with Lindhagen...
710
00:43:16.627 --> 00:43:19.460
...which I wasn't supposed to tell you.
Nice to meet you.
711
00:43:19.630 --> 00:43:22.565
- What were you supposed to tell me?
- I don't know. I don't know.
712
00:43:22.733 --> 00:43:26.726
I was supposed to say that you are the
perfect combination of sexy and cute...
713
00:43:26.904 --> 00:43:29.839
...which is actually something
that I used to say to my wife.
714
00:43:30.007 --> 00:43:32.168
But now it's become corrupted.
715
00:43:32.343 --> 00:43:35.312
And I have 18 layers of clothes on.
716
00:43:35.479 --> 00:43:38.710
I'm wearing a shirt and a tie
and a sweater and a suede jacket...
717
00:43:38.882 --> 00:43:41.043
...that just seals in all the heat.
718
00:43:41.218 --> 00:43:42.810
Seals in all the juices.
719
00:43:42.987 --> 00:43:47.686
It's all sweat under here.
This is just sweat from here down.
720
00:43:47.858 --> 00:43:52.522
This sweater, this is called slim cut,
but it feels like a scuba suit.
721
00:43:52.696 --> 00:43:55.062
And I'm looking at your breasts.
What's that about?
722
00:43:56.266 --> 00:43:58.996
You think I'm the perfect combination
of sexy and cute?
723
00:43:59.169 --> 00:44:01.399
That's what you picked up
from what I just said?
724
00:44:01.572 --> 00:44:03.301
Mm, mm.
725
00:44:08.078 --> 00:44:10.273
- So this is my crappy apartment.
- Oh. Ooh.
726
00:44:10.481 --> 00:44:13.780
Dumpy. That I had to move into
after my wife left me.
727
00:44:13.951 --> 00:44:15.612
I love how you're being so honest.
728
00:44:15.786 --> 00:44:18.084
- You like that?
- It's so different. It's so hot.
729
00:44:18.689 --> 00:44:20.418
Okay. Okay.
730
00:44:20.591 --> 00:44:22.218
Aah! Ha, ha.
- Wow! Wow!
731
00:44:22.393 --> 00:44:23.758
- More.
- Okay.
732
00:44:23.927 --> 00:44:25.656
Wanna hear something really hot?
- Mm-hm.
733
00:44:25.829 --> 00:44:28.855
I've only had sex with one woman.
In my entire life.
734
00:44:29.033 --> 00:44:30.500
- Honest or not honest?
- That's honest.
735
00:44:32.102 --> 00:44:34.502
More! Tell me more.
736
00:44:34.672 --> 00:44:36.731
I'm a little worried you have AIDS.
737
00:44:39.343 --> 00:44:41.937
Just a little. Just a little bit.
738
00:44:42.112 --> 00:44:44.842
It's okay, I'm not worried.
739
00:44:47.885 --> 00:44:49.580
Oh, my God, this is so much fun.
740
00:44:51.722 --> 00:44:52.950
What do you wanna do with me?
741
00:44:53.757 --> 00:44:54.781
Oh...
742
00:44:54.958 --> 00:44:57.950
I wanna show you off to my ex-wife
and make her really jealous.
743
00:45:01.265 --> 00:45:03.028
Whoa, man.
744
00:45:03.200 --> 00:45:05.691
Phew. Ha, ha.
745
00:45:08.639 --> 00:45:10.231
You gonna call me?
746
00:45:10.407 --> 00:45:11.431
Okay.
747
00:45:11.608 --> 00:45:12.632
Yeah.
748
00:45:26.657 --> 00:45:29.490
Wow, that is a great dress.
Where'd you get that?
749
00:45:29.660 --> 00:45:31.787
Thank you. A store in Beverly Hills.
750
00:45:31.962 --> 00:45:33.395
Really? Beautiful.
751
00:45:33.564 --> 00:45:35.156
It was a gift from my grandmother.
752
00:45:35.332 --> 00:45:36.629
- Really?
It's a Krugerrand.
753
00:45:36.800 --> 00:45:37.960
It's from South Africa.
754
00:45:38.135 --> 00:45:39.693
I love it.
755
00:45:45.175 --> 00:45:47.166
And I told him never to assume
anything.
756
00:45:47.678 --> 00:45:52.047
And I've been to Maine, so that's a
sixth state. So I've been to six states.
757
00:45:52.249 --> 00:45:54.683
- Oh, I love Maine.
Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.
758
00:45:54.852 --> 00:45:57.013
- Have you been to Waterville?
- I have, yeah.
759
00:46:03.293 --> 00:46:04.487
Greece, Italy.
760
00:46:04.661 --> 00:46:05.855
Greece, Italy?
761
00:46:06.029 --> 00:46:07.223
Wanna get out of here?
762
00:46:07.397 --> 00:46:08.796
- You're driving.
- I am.
763
00:46:20.611 --> 00:46:22.670
I have never experienced that
in my life.
764
00:46:23.280 --> 00:46:26.010
- Pretty great.
- Are most women like that these days?
765
00:46:26.183 --> 00:46:28.515
- God bless technology.
- God bless it.
766
00:46:28.685 --> 00:46:32.712
I went and met this girl the other night.
She was heckling me the whole time we...
767
00:46:32.890 --> 00:46:36.155
I felt like I was doing it with the two
old guys from The Muppet Show.
768
00:46:36.326 --> 00:46:38.817
- Ha-ha-ha. Statler and Waldorf.
I was into it.
769
00:46:38.996 --> 00:46:42.796
And she was like, "Look at this frown
on your face. What is that?
770
00:46:42.966 --> 00:46:46.197
You're so serious. What, it's serious
to kiss me? It's supposed to be fun.
771
00:46:46.370 --> 00:46:48.895
Oh, my God, if it's gonna be hard work,
why don't you just stop?"
772
00:46:55.012 --> 00:46:56.036
Hello?
773
00:46:56.213 --> 00:46:58.681
Hey. Hot guy from the bar
who hit on you is here.
774
00:46:58.849 --> 00:47:00.248
Tsk. Liz, I'm studying.
775
00:47:00.417 --> 00:47:03.545
You should be studying the ceiling
of his bedroom.
776
00:47:03.720 --> 00:47:05.187
I am eating a caramel apple.
777
00:47:05.355 --> 00:47:08.153
In what world, honey?
Please, turn around. No.
778
00:47:08.325 --> 00:47:11.192
Come on, take a break.
It'll be good for you to get out.
779
00:47:11.361 --> 00:47:12.385
And by get out...
780
00:47:12.563 --> 00:47:16.431
...I mean have hot guy from the bar knock
you into his headboard until you see God.
781
00:47:16.900 --> 00:47:18.060
What is wrong with you?
782
00:47:18.235 --> 00:47:19.930
You should be studying the curve
of his...
783
00:47:20.103 --> 00:47:21.331
Okay, goodbye, Liz.
784
00:47:21.505 --> 00:47:23.598
That too much? Hello?
785
00:47:24.441 --> 00:47:27.433
Look, I gave him the cologne
like you told me to...
786
00:47:27.611 --> 00:47:30.546
...and I don't think we should really
just dance on his grave.
787
00:47:30.714 --> 00:47:34.548
I just thought you'd wanna know
what I heard about your old pal Cal.
788
00:47:35.385 --> 00:47:37.376
What about Mr. Weaver, Mom?
789
00:47:37.554 --> 00:47:43.424
Um, just, apparently, Mr. Weaver
has become a real ladies' man.
790
00:47:43.594 --> 00:47:45.084
- What?
- Claire.
791
00:47:45.262 --> 00:47:48.026
She should know. She babysits for him.
792
00:47:48.198 --> 00:47:52.066
She's almost an adult. Lots of young
women in and out of his apartment.
793
00:47:52.236 --> 00:47:53.498
She's too young for this.
794
00:47:53.670 --> 00:47:56.104
I don't like this S-E-X talk in front
of the K-I-D-S.
795
00:47:56.273 --> 00:47:59.401
First of all, they can spell.
Second of all, I'm just saying.
796
00:47:59.576 --> 00:48:01.441
I think we were right in choosing Emily.
797
00:48:21.765 --> 00:48:23.756
Oh, um...
- Why are you following me?
798
00:48:23.934 --> 00:48:26.494
Madison, I just had a question for you.
799
00:48:26.670 --> 00:48:28.331
Okay, Jessica, what's up?
800
00:48:28.505 --> 00:48:30.132
It's kind of on the personal side.
801
00:48:30.307 --> 00:48:31.365
Yep, my lips are:
802
00:48:36.313 --> 00:48:38.076
Seals. My lips are seals.
803
00:48:41.018 --> 00:48:42.349
Okay. Um...
804
00:48:42.519 --> 00:48:46.683
My question, and I don't mean to be blunt
or insulting, but let's just call it what it is.
805
00:48:46.857 --> 00:48:48.984
You're always sleeping
with older guys, right?
806
00:48:49.159 --> 00:48:51.286
- Always.
Oh, um...
807
00:48:51.461 --> 00:48:55.795
So my question for you, Madison,
is, um, how do you do that?
808
00:48:55.966 --> 00:48:59.697
I mean, how do you get them to see you
as not just a kid in high school, you know?
809
00:48:59.870 --> 00:49:02.361
But as someone that's mature,
and old, and that's...
810
00:49:02.539 --> 00:49:05.303
Well, first off, I have a huge rack.
811
00:49:05.475 --> 00:49:06.806
Uh, yes, you do.
812
00:49:06.977 --> 00:49:08.501
You don't have a huge rack.
813
00:49:09.212 --> 00:49:10.338
No.
814
00:49:10.514 --> 00:49:12.846
- Wait, how old is he?
- Old.
815
00:49:13.617 --> 00:49:15.175
Like really old?
816
00:49:16.553 --> 00:49:19.351
- Like parent-old.
- Nasty, Jessica.
817
00:49:19.523 --> 00:49:21.718
Yeah, because
that's what I was thinking, right?
818
00:49:21.892 --> 00:49:23.359
Rock on.
- Thank you.
819
00:49:23.527 --> 00:49:26.655
You are so dirty.
- Yes, I know.
820
00:49:26.830 --> 00:49:28.730
Oh, okay. You gotta force his hand.
821
00:49:28.899 --> 00:49:30.127
You know what I mean?
822
00:49:30.300 --> 00:49:31.790
Go TMZ on his ass.
823
00:49:32.836 --> 00:49:35.134
- Not following.
- A dirty picture.
824
00:49:35.339 --> 00:49:37.899
- Oh. Oh.
- Make this face:
825
00:49:39.776 --> 00:49:42.040
- Jeez, Madison. Stop.
What?
826
00:49:42.212 --> 00:49:47.650
You put that on his radar and he won't see
you as a little girl anymore, that's for sure.
827
00:50:02.699 --> 00:50:06.533
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey. We don't know.
828
00:50:19.082 --> 00:50:20.379
Behold.
829
00:50:20.550 --> 00:50:23.178
Jessica Riley, you are my soul mate.
830
00:50:23.353 --> 00:50:25.184
- The love of my life.
Ha-ha-ha.
831
00:50:25.355 --> 00:50:28.756
I have marked myself with a scarlet J
for you, Jessica.
832
00:50:28.925 --> 00:50:30.187
Get down from there.
833
00:50:30.360 --> 00:50:34.956
Nathaniel Hawthorne... Are you mad?
- I am your babysitter. You get down.
834
00:50:35.132 --> 00:50:36.793
Oh, my God.
835
00:50:37.434 --> 00:50:39.425
- What are you thinking?
- Like the scaffold?
836
00:50:39.603 --> 00:50:42.094
Took me like four weeks to make it.
It has wheels.
837
00:50:42.272 --> 00:50:44.069
This has got to stop, Robbie.
838
00:50:44.241 --> 00:50:46.971
- You'll learn to love me, I promise.
- No, I won't.
839
00:50:47.144 --> 00:50:50.238
- Because I'm four years younger?
- Because I love somebody else.
840
00:50:52.182 --> 00:50:53.410
Who is he?
841
00:50:53.583 --> 00:50:54.845
He's older.
842
00:50:55.819 --> 00:50:58.253
And I didn't want my parents to find out.
843
00:51:00.123 --> 00:51:02.148
You know I'll kill him if he hurts you.
844
00:51:02.325 --> 00:51:04.293
Yeah, I know.
845
00:51:05.262 --> 00:51:07.127
Okay, Robbie, this has to stop.
846
00:51:07.564 --> 00:51:09.464
Okay? No more.
847
00:51:11.068 --> 00:51:12.330
Grow up.
848
00:51:12.502 --> 00:51:13.662
I'll see you around.
849
00:52:09.659 --> 00:52:11.354
Unh. Okay.
850
00:52:12.862 --> 00:52:13.920
Okay.
851
00:52:58.408 --> 00:53:01.502
So you're seeing Mom tomorrow
at my parent-teacher thing.
852
00:53:01.677 --> 00:53:03.406
Yeah, no biggie.
853
00:53:09.452 --> 00:53:10.783
What's with all the moping?
854
00:53:11.421 --> 00:53:14.322
Uh, nothing. It's just...
855
00:53:15.491 --> 00:53:16.890
There's a girl.
856
00:53:18.428 --> 00:53:20.589
- A girl, huh?
- Uh-huh.
857
00:53:20.763 --> 00:53:21.889
You like her?
858
00:53:23.633 --> 00:53:25.225
I like Pringles.
859
00:53:25.401 --> 00:53:27.096
I mean, this girl...
860
00:53:27.804 --> 00:53:29.101
...she's incredible.
861
00:53:29.272 --> 00:53:31.365
She's my soul mate, you know?
862
00:53:31.541 --> 00:53:33.099
She doesn't even care.
863
00:53:33.576 --> 00:53:35.441
But she's your soul mate, right?
864
00:53:36.312 --> 00:53:37.438
Yeah.
865
00:53:38.014 --> 00:53:40.039
Well, you just don't give up on her,
right?
866
00:53:41.317 --> 00:53:43.308
Why not? You did.
867
00:53:46.022 --> 00:53:47.046
I didn't give up.
868
00:53:49.492 --> 00:53:51.926
Okay, it's more complicated than that.
869
00:53:52.228 --> 00:53:53.320
I'm a different guy now.
870
00:53:54.063 --> 00:53:56.327
You're not different.
You just have different clothes.
871
00:53:56.499 --> 00:53:57.830
It's not that simple, kiddo.
872
00:53:58.000 --> 00:53:59.934
- What kind of crap is that?
- Watch it.
873
00:54:00.103 --> 00:54:01.934
You love her or you don't. I know you do.
874
00:54:02.338 --> 00:54:07.207
I'm serious, Dad. I just need some
inspiration right now. All right?
875
00:54:07.376 --> 00:54:08.843
Go get her back.
876
00:54:12.949 --> 00:54:14.974
Wow, how old are you?
877
00:54:41.711 --> 00:54:43.474
Wow.
878
00:54:43.646 --> 00:54:45.671
You look great, Cal.
879
00:54:46.749 --> 00:54:49.115
Oh. Ha, ha.
880
00:54:49.285 --> 00:54:53.813
Well, it turns out I've been buying
the wrong size suit for like 20 years, so...
881
00:54:53.990 --> 00:54:57.517
Oh, well, whatever.
You, um... You look great.
882
00:54:57.894 --> 00:54:59.725
Thanks. You always look great.
883
00:54:59.896 --> 00:55:01.227
Oh, thanks.
884
00:55:16.812 --> 00:55:19.747
- So I spoke to Nanna yesterday.
- Yeah, me too. How'd she sound to you?
885
00:55:19.916 --> 00:55:23.852
Um... Like Nanna. She worries about us.
886
00:55:26.889 --> 00:55:27.947
What teacher is this?
887
00:55:28.124 --> 00:55:31.355
Ms. Tafferty. She's the one he pulled
the Scarlet Letter asshole routine on.
888
00:55:31.527 --> 00:55:33.791
Mm-hm.
889
00:55:33.963 --> 00:55:35.487
God, he's such a weird kid.
890
00:55:36.699 --> 00:55:38.064
- I kind of like him, though.
- Mm-hm.
891
00:55:38.234 --> 00:55:40.702
Yeah, me too.
Glad we switched babies at the hospital.
892
00:55:40.870 --> 00:55:43.668
Me too. That other one's in jail, probably.
893
00:55:54.217 --> 00:55:56.048
So how's it going with David?
894
00:55:56.219 --> 00:55:59.086
Oh, you know, it, um...
895
00:56:00.289 --> 00:56:01.722
It wasn't, um...
896
00:56:03.226 --> 00:56:06.354
That didn't mean anything.
897
00:56:06.529 --> 00:56:08.759
- I mean, you know, if...
- No. No, I know.
898
00:56:13.803 --> 00:56:14.861
You seeing anybody?
899
00:56:15.438 --> 00:56:16.564
Me?
900
00:56:16.739 --> 00:56:18.639
Mm-mm.
901
00:56:18.808 --> 00:56:21.606
Oh, you know. Well, you hear things,
you know, so...
902
00:56:22.078 --> 00:56:24.410
No. No. Not real...
903
00:56:24.580 --> 00:56:25.979
You know me.
904
00:56:27.984 --> 00:56:29.212
Yeah, well...
905
00:56:32.622 --> 00:56:33.782
No.
906
00:56:41.163 --> 00:56:42.653
I miss you, Em.
907
00:56:46.302 --> 00:56:49.135
I made an effort when we were younger,
didn't I?
908
00:56:49.505 --> 00:56:54.101
I mean, miniature golf and dancing.
You were such a great dancer.
909
00:56:54.277 --> 00:56:57.075
I had to be.
You were such a good miniature golfer.
910
00:56:58.347 --> 00:57:01.942
I just... I don't know. I guess I got lazy.
I got...
911
00:57:03.152 --> 00:57:05.518
I got boring, is what I got.
912
00:57:05.688 --> 00:57:06.780
No.
913
00:57:07.623 --> 00:57:09.488
And I'm so mad at you.
914
00:57:10.293 --> 00:57:12.420
I'm really mad at you for what you did.
915
00:57:13.162 --> 00:57:14.925
But I'm mad at myself too.
916
00:57:18.601 --> 00:57:22.935
Because I should not have jumped
out of that car. I should've fought for you.
917
00:57:26.542 --> 00:57:28.942
Because you fight for your soul mates.
918
00:57:30.746 --> 00:57:33.237
Least, that's what my 13-year-old son
tells me.
919
00:57:34.383 --> 00:57:35.941
He's a really strange kid.
920
00:57:36.118 --> 00:57:37.608
He scares the shit out of me.
921
00:57:39.955 --> 00:57:42.389
I miss you too.
922
00:57:45.861 --> 00:57:47.226
Mr. And Mrs. Weaver?
923
00:57:48.531 --> 00:57:51.056
No way in hell.
924
00:57:51.634 --> 00:57:55.468
- Cal, what are you doing here?
- Oh, you two know each other?
925
00:57:55.638 --> 00:57:58.903
Yes. Yeah, right. We've met before, yes.
926
00:57:59.275 --> 00:58:02.904
- "We have met before"? Seriously?
Mm-hm.
927
00:58:03.079 --> 00:58:06.105
So I'd like to introduce you
to my wife, Emily.
928
00:58:06.282 --> 00:58:08.216
Hi, I'm Robbie's mom.
929
00:58:09.518 --> 00:58:12.612
She's your wife again. How convenient.
930
00:58:13.522 --> 00:58:17.686
So shall we enter?
931
00:58:17.860 --> 00:58:19.293
- Okay.
- Why don't we?
932
00:58:19.495 --> 00:58:21.258
Yeah, let's do that.
933
00:58:25.201 --> 00:58:28.568
I'm sorry. I'm playing catch-up.
How do you two know each other, exactly?
934
00:58:28.738 --> 00:58:31.707
- Um...
- Um...
935
00:58:33.209 --> 00:58:34.870
Maybe your husband should tell you.
936
00:58:35.845 --> 00:58:42.512
We... I think we met at last year's
parent-teacher conference, wasn't it?
937
00:58:45.254 --> 00:58:49.156
Did I miss it? Did I miss the parent-teacher
conference thing last year?
938
00:58:49.325 --> 00:58:51.555
Yeah. I don't remember.
939
00:58:51.827 --> 00:58:53.920
Why don't we just, uh, focus on Robbie?
940
00:58:54.096 --> 00:58:55.461
Yes.
941
00:58:55.765 --> 00:58:59.792
Yes, let's do that. Let's...
942
00:59:01.637 --> 00:59:02.968
Let's focus on Robbie.
943
00:59:09.478 --> 00:59:11.503
As you know,
Robbie's shining moment...
944
00:59:11.680 --> 00:59:15.480
...was when he set a school record for
cursing in an eighth-grade English class.
945
00:59:21.824 --> 00:59:23.621
Asshole. Ha-ha-ha.
946
00:59:23.793 --> 00:59:25.954
You're familiar with this word,
Mrs. Weaver.
947
00:59:26.128 --> 00:59:28.392
Yes, I am. And I've spoken to Principal...
948
00:59:28.564 --> 00:59:32.000
Asshole. As in someone who tells
a woman that he'll call and never does.
949
00:59:32.054 --> 00:59:33.078
Hmm.
950
00:59:33.255 --> 00:59:36.190
Asshole. As in someone who uses
honesty to get a woman into bed with him...
951
00:59:36.358 --> 00:59:38.724
...but is actually full of shit
like the rest of them.
952
00:59:39.061 --> 00:59:41.461
- This is not about Robbie.
- Mm-mm.
953
00:59:41.630 --> 00:59:46.431
Asshole. As in someone who allows
a woman to go downtown for 45 minutes...
954
00:59:46.601 --> 00:59:48.034
...because he's nervous.
955
00:59:48.203 --> 00:59:50.228
- All right, all right, all right.
- Ew. Ew. Oh.
956
00:59:50.405 --> 00:59:51.804
You know what? Know what? No.
957
00:59:51.973 --> 00:59:53.463
Here's the deal.
958
00:59:57.379 --> 00:59:59.142
- She's an alcoholic.
- Aah!
959
00:59:59.314 --> 01:00:01.373
Oh, God. Okay.
That's... I'm sorry.
960
01:00:01.550 --> 01:00:03.040
- I'm sorry. God.
I gotta go.
961
01:00:03.218 --> 01:00:04.879
Aah!
- Oh, my God. Emily. God.
962
01:00:05.687 --> 01:00:08.383
- Emily, Emily, wait.
- Leave me alone, Cal.
963
01:00:08.557 --> 01:00:13.187
I'm sober five years, asshole!
964
01:00:14.563 --> 01:00:16.997
Okay, yeah, I did. I did.
965
01:00:17.165 --> 01:00:20.157
I slept with our son's eighth-grade
English teacher.
966
01:00:20.335 --> 01:00:21.700
I know. I know.
967
01:00:21.870 --> 01:00:25.169
And I cheated,
so I have no right to be angry.
968
01:00:25.340 --> 01:00:28.207
Not the point. When we were
married you were the only woman...
969
01:00:28.377 --> 01:00:29.844
...that I had ever slept with...
970
01:00:30.011 --> 01:00:32.878
...and now I have had sex
with nine different women... God.
971
01:00:34.916 --> 01:00:36.816
Nine?
972
01:00:36.985 --> 01:00:38.009
Nine?
973
01:00:40.389 --> 01:00:41.686
Wow.
974
01:00:44.860 --> 01:00:47.055
You showed me.
975
01:00:52.033 --> 01:00:54.228
I wasn't trying to show you.
976
01:00:56.004 --> 01:00:57.301
I was trying to move on.
977
01:01:00.409 --> 01:01:02.309
But I don't want to.
978
01:01:07.949 --> 01:01:10.213
You've always been the only one.
979
01:01:13.255 --> 01:01:17.055
Tell her she's the perfect combination
of sexy and cute, asshole.
980
01:01:22.330 --> 01:01:23.854
You said that to her?
981
01:01:30.105 --> 01:01:31.970
I did, yes.
982
01:01:33.241 --> 01:01:35.038
Who are you?
983
01:01:42.918 --> 01:01:44.408
I'm your soul mate.
984
01:02:00.869 --> 01:02:02.666
What a cliché.
985
01:02:39.274 --> 01:02:40.741
You, get over here. Come on.
986
01:02:40.909 --> 01:02:43.036
Yeah, yeah, give it up. Give it up for her.
987
01:02:43.245 --> 01:02:44.644
Aw.
988
01:02:44.813 --> 01:02:46.212
I'm so proud of you, baby.
989
01:02:46.414 --> 01:02:48.143
I had my doubts, of course.
990
01:02:53.321 --> 01:02:58.452
Hannah, I did tell you that tonight would
be a special night if you passed the bar.
991
01:02:59.828 --> 01:03:00.852
So, Hannah...
992
01:03:01.930 --> 01:03:07.266
...I would like to formally ask you...
993
01:03:07.435 --> 01:03:09.665
...in front of all our friends
and colleagues...
994
01:03:10.205 --> 01:03:13.834
...if you would like to become...
995
01:03:14.309 --> 01:03:18.507
...a permanent lawyer at the firm
of Watkins, Goldberg and Schmidt? Huh?
996
01:03:18.680 --> 01:03:21.148
How about that? Ha, ha. To you.
997
01:03:22.050 --> 01:03:23.142
Whoo!
998
01:03:27.722 --> 01:03:29.519
What?
999
01:03:30.392 --> 01:03:33.293
- I ju... Um...
What, what is it?
1000
01:03:36.464 --> 01:03:40.867
I thought that you were gonna propose
for some reason.
1001
01:03:42.270 --> 01:03:44.932
What?
- Yeah. I know. I'm just...
1002
01:03:45.106 --> 01:03:46.664
It's just, uh, I'm a little thrown.
1003
01:03:46.841 --> 01:03:48.035
I'm sorry.
1004
01:03:48.877 --> 01:03:54.179
I didn't realize that you thought
that we were there.
1005
01:03:54.349 --> 01:03:57.614
Oh, no. God, no. Don't be silly. I just...
1006
01:03:57.786 --> 01:04:00.414
I need some time, I think...
1007
01:04:00.589 --> 01:04:05.288
...to figure out how I feel about us,
you know?
1008
01:04:06.227 --> 01:04:09.219
Brrp. Long-term.
1009
01:04:10.899 --> 01:04:12.924
You need some time?
1010
01:04:14.135 --> 01:04:16.933
You need some time to figure out
how you feel about us? Okay.
1011
01:04:17.105 --> 01:04:18.129
Honey?
1012
01:04:22.077 --> 01:04:25.046
- Wow. Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha, ha. Wow.
1013
01:04:26.114 --> 01:04:29.106
- Ahem.
- Wow. Huh.
1014
01:04:29.284 --> 01:04:30.308
Wow.
1015
01:04:32.053 --> 01:04:34.578
This is actually really funny.
I'm just... Next level.
1016
01:04:34.756 --> 01:04:36.383
- Is this yours? Is this yours?
Yes.
1017
01:04:37.392 --> 01:04:39.622
Mm. Mm.
1018
01:04:39.794 --> 01:04:40.954
Honey?
1019
01:04:41.930 --> 01:04:43.591
- Is this gin?
Yes.
1020
01:04:46.267 --> 01:04:48.098
- There's, like, no water in that.
- Yeah.
1021
01:04:49.671 --> 01:04:51.969
Great.
- Mm. Aah, I hate gin.
1022
01:04:52.540 --> 01:04:54.633
Wow, you know what?
Thank you, Richard.
1023
01:04:54.809 --> 01:04:59.143
Honestly, thank you very much
for your job offer. I will consider it.
1024
01:04:59.881 --> 01:05:00.905
Hannah Banana.
1025
01:05:01.616 --> 01:05:04.278
Whoo! Ha, ha.
- Banana. Hannah.
1026
01:05:10.892 --> 01:05:13.122
Do you wanna buy me a drink?
Yes.
1027
01:05:13.294 --> 01:05:15.728
- It's nicer that way. Right?
You.
1028
01:05:41.756 --> 01:05:42.780
You remember me?
1029
01:05:44.125 --> 01:05:45.149
Yeah.
1030
01:05:45.326 --> 01:05:47.487
- You still find me attractive?
- Yes.
1031
01:05:47.662 --> 01:05:49.357
Still wanna take me home?
1032
01:05:50.832 --> 01:05:51.856
Yeah.
1033
01:05:54.636 --> 01:05:55.660
Let's go.
1034
01:06:30.338 --> 01:06:31.737
Just one look
1035
01:06:33.475 --> 01:06:35.807
And I fell so hard
1036
01:06:35.977 --> 01:06:37.137
Here.
1037
01:06:39.147 --> 01:06:41.672
I really like this song.
This was a good choice. Yeah.
1038
01:06:41.850 --> 01:06:44.182
- Good song. You never hear this song.
- Mm-hm. Mm-mm.
1039
01:06:44.352 --> 01:06:45.376
Love this song.
1040
01:06:48.423 --> 01:06:49.583
Cheers.
1041
01:06:51.593 --> 01:06:56.895
How good it feels
1042
01:06:57.065 --> 01:06:58.225
Ugh.
1043
01:07:00.068 --> 01:07:01.365
That's not my drink.
1044
01:07:01.536 --> 01:07:03.231
Your love
1045
01:07:03.404 --> 01:07:05.599
Mm. Mm.
1046
01:07:06.541 --> 01:07:07.565
Ugh.
1047
01:07:09.978 --> 01:07:12.173
It's not my favorite. Thank you.
1048
01:07:14.415 --> 01:07:16.178
Forever
1049
01:07:18.253 --> 01:07:21.586
And always
1050
01:07:21.756 --> 01:07:24.725
- So is this how it normally works?
- What?
1051
01:07:24.893 --> 01:07:27.521
You put on the perfect song,
you make them a drink.
1052
01:07:27.695 --> 01:07:31.028
And I knew
1053
01:07:31.199 --> 01:07:32.632
And then you sleep together.
1054
01:07:32.834 --> 01:07:34.131
That you
1055
01:07:35.270 --> 01:07:36.794
Um...
1056
01:07:36.971 --> 01:07:37.995
Yeah.
1057
01:07:39.974 --> 01:07:41.601
I'm very nervous.
1058
01:07:42.410 --> 01:07:43.843
I'm getting that.
1059
01:07:44.445 --> 01:07:47.141
Okay. Because I know I seemed confident
back at the bar...
1060
01:07:47.315 --> 01:07:51.752
...but that was mostly just
because I was cold and wet...
1061
01:07:51.920 --> 01:07:54.411
...and trying to be dramatic
a little bit.
1062
01:07:55.256 --> 01:07:56.280
You're adorable.
1063
01:07:57.458 --> 01:07:58.482
No.
1064
01:07:58.860 --> 01:08:00.122
I am sexy.
1065
01:08:00.295 --> 01:08:02.422
- I am R-rated sexy.
- Mm-hm.
1066
01:08:02.597 --> 01:08:06.033
Okay, I know what happens in the PG-13
version of tonight, all right? I know.
1067
01:08:06.201 --> 01:08:10.331
It's that I get really drunk
and then I pass out.
1068
01:08:10.505 --> 01:08:13.565
You cover me with a blanket,
kiss me on the cheek, nothing happens.
1069
01:08:13.741 --> 01:08:15.936
But that's not why I'm here.
1070
01:08:16.411 --> 01:08:20.973
I am here to bang the hot guy
that hit on me at the bar.
1071
01:08:22.617 --> 01:08:24.608
- Jacob.
- Jacob.
1072
01:08:25.887 --> 01:08:27.855
- Are people still saying "bang"?
- I do.
1073
01:08:28.022 --> 01:08:30.354
We are gonna bang. Hmm?
1074
01:08:30.525 --> 01:08:31.890
This is happening.
1075
01:08:32.660 --> 01:08:34.150
- Take off your shirt.
- Why?
1076
01:08:34.329 --> 01:08:37.924
Please, will you take off your shirt?
I can't stop thinking. I need to just...
1077
01:08:38.099 --> 01:08:40.363
- Okay, okay, okay.
- All right, okay, okay, okay.
1078
01:08:48.810 --> 01:08:49.970
Fuck.
1079
01:08:50.144 --> 01:08:53.136
Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped.
1080
01:08:55.216 --> 01:08:56.308
Can I...?
1081
01:08:57.352 --> 01:08:59.320
Aah. You have cold hands.
1082
01:09:00.722 --> 01:09:02.246
- Now you take off your dress.
- No.
1083
01:09:02.423 --> 01:09:05.256
- Yes.
- No. Not with that going on. No, thank you.
1084
01:09:05.426 --> 01:09:07.917
Is there dim lighting somewhere?
Oh, God.
1085
01:09:09.330 --> 01:09:12.561
Okay, so then what do we do?
What happens now? Like, logistically?
1086
01:09:12.734 --> 01:09:15.601
- What's your move?
- What do you mean, what's my move?
1087
01:09:15.803 --> 01:09:18.431
- What's your move? Your big move?
- I got lots of moves.
1088
01:09:18.606 --> 01:09:20.437
- What's your big move?
- I'm not telling.
1089
01:09:20.608 --> 01:09:23.133
- Tell me your move.
- You're not ready for the big move.
1090
01:09:23.311 --> 01:09:25.541
- Yes, I am.
- You can't handle the big move.
1091
01:09:25.713 --> 01:09:29.080
- Tell me your big move.
- I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation.
1092
01:09:31.085 --> 01:09:32.950
Dirty Dancing?
1093
01:09:33.121 --> 01:09:35.214
- Can I sit down, please?
- Yeah.
1094
01:09:35.390 --> 01:09:37.119
- Can I put back on my shirt?
- No.
1095
01:09:37.292 --> 01:09:39.624
Why Dirty Dancing? What do we do?
Do we watch it?
1096
01:09:39.794 --> 01:09:43.992
You know the big move at the end where
Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey?
1097
01:09:44.165 --> 01:09:46.065
- Yeah.
- I can do that.
1098
01:09:47.435 --> 01:09:49.960
- Okay.
- So I tell girls I can do the move.
1099
01:09:50.138 --> 01:09:53.869
I put on the song "Time of Your Life. "
I do the big move.
1100
01:09:54.542 --> 01:09:56.305
And they always wanna have sex
with me.
1101
01:09:56.477 --> 01:09:59.469
Oh, my God. That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
1102
01:09:59.647 --> 01:10:01.911
I agree. But it works every time.
1103
01:10:02.850 --> 01:10:04.147
That would not work on me.
1104
01:10:09.924 --> 01:10:12.620
Oh, God, this is ridiculous.
I don't wanna do it.
1105
01:10:12.794 --> 01:10:13.818
Come on.
1106
01:10:13.995 --> 01:10:15.895
This is beyond ridiculous.
1107
01:10:16.064 --> 01:10:17.554
- Run and jump.
- No.
1108
01:10:17.732 --> 01:10:19.393
- Yeah. Come on.
- No, thank you.
1109
01:10:20.601 --> 01:10:22.364
Thank God I'm drunk. Here we go.
1110
01:10:26.441 --> 01:10:32.846
'Cause I've had the time of my life
1111
01:10:33.014 --> 01:10:37.542
And I owe it all to you
1112
01:10:43.925 --> 01:10:45.916
I've been waiting for so long
1113
01:10:46.094 --> 01:10:50.622
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me
1114
01:10:53.368 --> 01:10:55.996
Ahem. So do you prefer to do it here
or in the bedroom?
1115
01:10:56.170 --> 01:10:57.330
The bedroom is preferred.
1116
01:10:57.505 --> 01:11:00.269
Mm-hm. Yeah, okay. Let's go there.
1117
01:11:33.307 --> 01:11:35.002
This pillow...
1118
01:11:36.477 --> 01:11:39.742
...forms perfectly
to the shape of my head.
1119
01:11:42.050 --> 01:11:43.210
Yeah.
1120
01:11:48.089 --> 01:11:50.683
Is this one of those foam pillows
from Brookstone?
1121
01:11:52.060 --> 01:11:53.152
Yeah.
1122
01:11:53.461 --> 01:11:55.656
- Yeah? Oh.
- Yeah.
1123
01:11:56.597 --> 01:11:59.225
I always wondered
who buys those kind of...
1124
01:11:59.734 --> 01:12:02.760
The hot guy from the bar buys these.
Of course.
1125
01:12:02.970 --> 01:12:04.494
- Jacob.
- Mm-hm, Jacob. Sorry about that.
1126
01:12:04.672 --> 01:12:05.696
Good.
1127
01:12:06.908 --> 01:12:08.773
I'm sorry, continue.
1128
01:12:28.096 --> 01:12:32.965
You don't have one of those ridiculous, um,
massage chairs, do you?
1129
01:12:37.538 --> 01:12:38.732
- You do?
- No.
1130
01:12:38.906 --> 01:12:40.533
- Yes, you do.
- Yeah, I do.
1131
01:12:40.708 --> 01:12:43.233
- Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God.
- I don't. I don't. I do.
1132
01:12:43.411 --> 01:12:45.538
Who would have that?
I would. I have that.
1133
01:12:45.947 --> 01:12:47.539
- How much was it?
- Five thousand dollars.
1134
01:12:49.283 --> 01:12:50.910
Ask me how many times I've used it.
1135
01:12:51.085 --> 01:12:53.246
- How many times have you used it?
- Twice.
1136
01:12:54.055 --> 01:12:55.750
That's $2500 a massage.
1137
01:12:55.923 --> 01:12:57.550
Twice.
1138
01:12:57.892 --> 01:13:01.020
- Where is it?
- It's in the garage.
1139
01:13:01.863 --> 01:13:03.330
Can I sit in the massage chair?
1140
01:13:08.169 --> 01:13:09.659
I hate it.
1141
01:13:10.771 --> 01:13:14.229
The Home Shopping Network.
But I'm addic... I buy... I'm just the worst.
1142
01:13:14.408 --> 01:13:15.898
- Do you have a Slap Chop?
- Yes.
1143
01:13:16.077 --> 01:13:18.068
- The knife that cuts through the penny?
- Yes.
1144
01:13:18.246 --> 01:13:21.044
- Ha-ha-ha. What else do you have?
- Coin Bears.
1145
01:13:21.215 --> 01:13:23.581
Coin Bears?
You don't have Coin Bears.
1146
01:13:23.751 --> 01:13:25.514
I have a whole set from each state.
1147
01:13:25.686 --> 01:13:27.119
You have 50 Coin Bears?
1148
01:13:27.288 --> 01:13:29.722
- They have a coin in their foot.
- You stay up nights.
1149
01:13:29.891 --> 01:13:31.483
I am wildly unhappy.
1150
01:13:33.094 --> 01:13:36.461
I'm trying to buy it,
and it's not working.
1151
01:13:36.631 --> 01:13:38.963
- Were you smart in school?
- A little bossy, yeah.
1152
01:13:39.133 --> 01:13:43.695
But I won a spelling bee
and my dad cried at the spelling bee.
1153
01:13:43.871 --> 01:13:45.771
- No way. That's nice.
- Mm-hm.
1154
01:13:45.940 --> 01:13:47.999
- What word did you win on?
- It was so stupid.
1155
01:13:48.176 --> 01:13:51.270
I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee.
1156
01:13:51.812 --> 01:13:54.110
What, you think coffee and sleep
don't mix?
1157
01:13:54.282 --> 01:13:58.480
Well, they do if it's High Point.
It's decaffeinated.
1158
01:13:58.653 --> 01:14:01.019
And the flavor is marvelous.
1159
01:14:01.189 --> 01:14:03.589
Do you have that mold that makes cakes...?
1160
01:14:03.758 --> 01:14:04.816
I have calf pants.
1161
01:14:07.094 --> 01:14:09.654
I have pants just for my calves.
Calf pants.
1162
01:14:17.338 --> 01:14:18.805
Oh, my God.
1163
01:14:21.976 --> 01:14:23.876
Could you do me a favor?
1164
01:14:24.345 --> 01:14:25.869
- What?
- Will you do me a kindness?
1165
01:14:26.047 --> 01:14:27.480
Mm.
1166
01:14:27.648 --> 01:14:32.608
Will you ask me something personal
about myself?
1167
01:14:32.787 --> 01:14:35.813
Hmm. Okay, fine. I'll do it.
And then we bang.
1168
01:14:35.990 --> 01:14:37.252
Yes.
1169
01:14:37.425 --> 01:14:38.619
What's your mother like?
1170
01:14:39.527 --> 01:14:44.487
My mom is very beautiful.
1171
01:14:44.665 --> 01:14:47.828
Um... Very vain.
1172
01:14:48.669 --> 01:14:50.261
Very smart.
1173
01:14:51.072 --> 01:14:52.369
Cold.
1174
01:14:52.573 --> 01:14:54.063
And your dad?
1175
01:14:55.042 --> 01:14:56.066
Um...
1176
01:14:57.411 --> 01:15:00.073
He died a long time ago.
1177
01:15:01.515 --> 01:15:03.346
He was such a sweet guy.
1178
01:15:03.517 --> 01:15:05.348
He was probably too sweet.
1179
01:15:08.022 --> 01:15:10.786
Very successful in business.
1180
01:15:10.958 --> 01:15:16.225
He made a lot of money,
which is why I have all this stuff.
1181
01:15:16.397 --> 01:15:18.194
But he was soft.
1182
01:15:19.267 --> 01:15:21.963
Just too soft, too sensitive.
1183
01:15:22.169 --> 01:15:26.538
And, you know, Dad,
he couldn't really handle my mother...
1184
01:15:26.707 --> 01:15:29.471
...and didn't really make an effort.
1185
01:16:00.841 --> 01:16:02.570
Hey, Jacob, it's Cal.
1186
01:16:02.843 --> 01:16:04.208
Where are you?
1187
01:16:04.412 --> 01:16:07.540
Remember the first woman I picked up,
that teacher?
1188
01:16:07.715 --> 01:16:09.376
Well, I have a story to tell you
about her.
1189
01:16:10.751 --> 01:16:13.618
It's been a week. I haven't heard
from you. Should I be concerned?
1190
01:16:13.788 --> 01:16:16.222
I am imagining you suffocating
under a pile of women. Call me.
1191
01:16:17.591 --> 01:16:19.752
Oh. Yeah, hey, it's me again.
1192
01:16:20.728 --> 01:16:23.128
Left like a hundred messages.
1193
01:16:25.766 --> 01:16:29.224
Listen, if this is a Miyagi thing,
I'm not getting it, so...
1194
01:16:30.271 --> 01:16:32.262
Call me back, please. Thanks.
1195
01:16:56.364 --> 01:16:59.197
Been to St. Louis?
No, I haven't.
1196
01:16:59.367 --> 01:17:03.326
I always dreamt of playing shortstop
for the St. Louis Cardinals, actually...
1197
01:17:03.504 --> 01:17:06.564
...but I couldn't hit a curveball,
so I did the next best thing.
1198
01:17:06.774 --> 01:17:08.332
Yeah, you became an accountant.
1199
01:17:08.509 --> 01:17:09.737
Right. Exactly.
1200
01:17:09.910 --> 01:17:12.538
I mean, the money's not as good,
but there's less travel.
1201
01:17:12.713 --> 01:17:13.737
Mm. Ha, ha.
1202
01:17:13.914 --> 01:17:16.280
- I was gonna be a ballerina.
- Really?
1203
01:17:16.450 --> 01:17:18.714
So tell me, what is it with women
and ballerinas?
1204
01:17:18.886 --> 01:17:21.218
I just pictured myself in the ballet.
1205
01:17:21.389 --> 01:17:24.017
It's not like I had
a lot of training or anything.
1206
01:17:24.191 --> 01:17:26.853
I mean, I actually never really
had a lesson...
1207
01:17:27.027 --> 01:17:30.485
...and, um, haven't seen a ballet.
1208
01:17:31.065 --> 01:17:32.555
You've never been to the ballet?
1209
01:17:32.733 --> 01:17:34.928
- Mm-mm.
Wow.
1210
01:17:35.102 --> 01:17:38.367
- I'd love to take you to the ballet.
- You'd love to go to the ballet?
1211
01:17:38.539 --> 01:17:41.906
I didn't say that. I'd love to take you
to the ballet. I'd drop you off.
1212
01:17:42.076 --> 01:17:45.045
Later on I'd pick you up
and we could go to a ball game.
1213
01:17:45.212 --> 01:17:46.304
Oh, I get it.
1214
01:17:49.550 --> 01:17:52.451
Ha, ha.
- I had a lot of fun tonight.
1215
01:17:54.188 --> 01:17:57.055
You like sushi?
I know this really great little sushi place...
1216
01:17:57.224 --> 01:17:58.248
I don't eat sushi.
1217
01:17:58.426 --> 01:18:00.826
- That we're never gonna go to
because I hate sushi.
1218
01:18:10.905 --> 01:18:12.839
Oh, hi. Hi, Jess.
1219
01:18:13.007 --> 01:18:15.532
Uh, this is my work friend, David.
1220
01:18:15.709 --> 01:18:17.233
David is an accountant.
1221
01:18:17.411 --> 01:18:19.538
David, this is Jessica, my babysitter.
1222
01:18:20.114 --> 01:18:21.172
Uh...
1223
01:18:22.483 --> 01:18:24.883
So, you know, everything looks great.
1224
01:18:25.052 --> 01:18:26.417
Spreadsheets.
1225
01:18:26.587 --> 01:18:28.077
Spreadsheets.
1226
01:18:31.625 --> 01:18:32.751
See you at work.
1227
01:18:32.927 --> 01:18:34.554
Yeah, see you at work.
1228
01:18:39.133 --> 01:18:40.828
So how was dinner?
1229
01:18:41.001 --> 01:18:43.299
- Oh, well, you know, it was just for work.
- Yeah.
1230
01:18:43.471 --> 01:18:46.998
- That's a really pretty dress.
- Thank you. What do I owe you?
1231
01:18:47.641 --> 01:18:50.838
Do you know that your kids
are the only ones that I babysit for...
1232
01:18:51.011 --> 01:18:54.640
...that wanna stay awake so that they
can see their dad when he gets home?
1233
01:18:55.749 --> 01:19:00.311
Yeah, I mean, they fight with everything
they have to keep their eyes open.
1234
01:19:00.488 --> 01:19:02.115
And don't get me wrong...
1235
01:19:02.289 --> 01:19:06.988
...no, your kids are really excited to see you
when you get home too, Ms. Weaver...
1236
01:19:08.128 --> 01:19:11.222
...but not a lot wanna stay up for Dad.
1237
01:19:14.001 --> 01:19:16.128
Honey, what are you trying to say?
1238
01:19:16.303 --> 01:19:17.361
Batshit crazy.
1239
01:19:17.538 --> 01:19:19.369
Jessica, uh, what...?
1240
01:19:19.540 --> 01:19:22.134
- Let me give you...
- I don't want your slutty money.
1241
01:19:22.309 --> 01:19:26.040
Sweetheart, what's the pro...?
What's wrong?
1242
01:19:27.781 --> 01:19:31.046
"Slutty money"?
1243
01:21:27.301 --> 01:21:28.325
Kids.
1244
01:21:31.305 --> 01:21:34.502
Kids. Ice cream.
1245
01:21:44.118 --> 01:21:48.179
I knew it. I knew it.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.
1246
01:22:02.636 --> 01:22:04.433
Oh, shit. Oh, God.
1247
01:22:16.917 --> 01:22:17.941
Hello?
1248
01:22:18.118 --> 01:22:19.983
- Hi, Cal.
- Hi.
1249
01:22:20.654 --> 01:22:21.985
Um...
1250
01:22:23.290 --> 01:22:24.484
So...
1251
01:22:24.658 --> 01:22:28.321
...I'm just calling, um...
1252
01:22:30.130 --> 01:22:32.963
...because I'm in the basement...
1253
01:22:33.133 --> 01:22:35.931
...and I'm trying to get
the water heater working, um...
1254
01:22:37.538 --> 01:22:41.167
...because the pilot light's out
and I don't know how to relight it.
1255
01:22:41.975 --> 01:22:43.567
So I'm sorry to bother you.
1256
01:22:43.744 --> 01:22:47.271
No, no. It's fine. That's fine. Call me...
1257
01:22:48.148 --> 01:22:50.378
I'm glad you called about this.
1258
01:22:50.551 --> 01:22:52.849
- I'll just walk you through it, okay?
- Okay.
1259
01:22:54.321 --> 01:22:58.553
All right, so there's a gray door.
You see the gray door?
1260
01:22:58.726 --> 01:23:01.820
- Yeah.
- Okay, just slide that down.
1261
01:23:03.097 --> 01:23:04.121
Okay.
1262
01:23:04.298 --> 01:23:07.392
There's a red button
with the word "push" on it.
1263
01:23:07.568 --> 01:23:09.536
I wrote the word "push" on it?
1264
01:23:10.037 --> 01:23:14.133
So you push it.
And you turn it to the right.
1265
01:23:14.308 --> 01:23:15.639
I got it.
1266
01:23:16.143 --> 01:23:18.043
And then just put the match in.
1267
01:23:21.115 --> 01:23:22.844
Oh, there it goes.
1268
01:23:23.517 --> 01:23:27.044
Just have to slide the gray door
down again and you're good to go.
1269
01:23:28.455 --> 01:23:29.752
Oh.
1270
01:23:33.327 --> 01:23:36.194
Well, thanks, Cal. I appreciate your help.
1271
01:23:36.363 --> 01:23:40.094
Oh, you know what? Just call anytime
with stuff like that. That's...
1272
01:23:41.502 --> 01:23:43.766
Oh, yeah. Uh...
1273
01:23:43.937 --> 01:23:45.268
Yeah. Oh.
1274
01:23:45.906 --> 01:23:47.100
Sure.
1275
01:23:47.808 --> 01:23:49.503
So I'll talk to you soon.
1276
01:23:50.177 --> 01:23:52.008
Yeah, and, um...
1277
01:23:54.214 --> 01:23:55.579
Thanks again.
1278
01:23:55.749 --> 01:23:58.343
No, that's... My pleasure.
1279
01:24:01.255 --> 01:24:02.688
Don't want you to blow up the house.
1280
01:24:05.893 --> 01:24:06.951
Bye.
1281
01:24:07.127 --> 01:24:08.253
Bye.
1282
01:24:26.847 --> 01:24:29.077
Dad, can we go to McDonald's?
Uh, no.
1283
01:24:29.249 --> 01:24:30.341
Why not?
1284
01:24:31.852 --> 01:24:33.149
Check it out.
1285
01:24:33.320 --> 01:24:35.413
Only reason they play them
is they're catchy.
1286
01:24:35.589 --> 01:24:37.454
- Thank you.
Here you go, sir.
1287
01:24:37.624 --> 01:24:39.114
Now, does it come in sheets...?
1288
01:24:39.293 --> 01:24:42.490
Oh, yeah, it's a 4 by 8.
Standard 4 by 8, your 3/4 inch stock. Yeah.
1289
01:24:42.663 --> 01:24:45.564
- Now, this is for my wife.
- Oh. That's nice.
1290
01:24:45.732 --> 01:24:46.926
It has curtains.
1291
01:24:47.100 --> 01:24:48.362
- Oh, hey, Cal.
Hey, Bernie.
1292
01:24:48.535 --> 01:24:50.230
Hi, Mr. Riley.
Hi, Mr. Riley.
1293
01:24:50.404 --> 01:24:51.428
- How's it going?
- Oh, good.
1294
01:24:51.605 --> 01:24:54.597
I'd love to catch up,
but I'm doing something to the house later.
1295
01:24:54.775 --> 01:24:56.106
Kind of in a rush.
1296
01:24:56.276 --> 01:24:57.766
Thanks for the cologne.
1297
01:24:57.945 --> 01:24:59.572
Do you know if this is chintz?
1298
01:25:01.081 --> 01:25:02.514
Hello?
Cal.
1299
01:25:02.683 --> 01:25:04.548
- Jacob.
- Oh, my God, it's alive.
1300
01:25:04.718 --> 01:25:07.152
Hey, sorry I kind of dropped off
the grid there, pal.
1301
01:25:07.321 --> 01:25:09.812
You left me in my hour of need,
my friend.
1302
01:25:09.990 --> 01:25:11.014
Yeah, well...
1303
01:25:11.191 --> 01:25:14.251
...I'm in a bit of a situation.
1304
01:25:14.428 --> 01:25:15.986
A pickle, if you will.
1305
01:25:16.163 --> 01:25:18.188
- I got no one else to call.
- Ha, ha.
1306
01:25:18.632 --> 01:25:20.600
- I met a girl.
- Oh, really?
1307
01:25:20.767 --> 01:25:24.032
I'm spending all this time with her
and she is a game changer.
1308
01:25:24.204 --> 01:25:26.229
She's a game changer? No way.
1309
01:25:26.406 --> 01:25:28.670
So much so I'm going to meet
her mother right now.
1310
01:25:28.842 --> 01:25:32.005
A mother and daughter. That's very
Wilt Chamberlain-esque, even for you.
1311
01:25:32.179 --> 01:25:33.669
- What is the matter with you?
- Ha, ha.
1312
01:25:33.847 --> 01:25:35.940
I don't know what to do.
I need some advice.
1313
01:25:36.116 --> 01:25:39.984
You might actually have to answer
some personal questions about yourself.
1314
01:25:40.153 --> 01:25:42.348
You gotta smile a lot.
You've gotta be charming.
1315
01:25:42.522 --> 01:25:43.648
Definitely don't be yourself.
1316
01:25:43.824 --> 01:25:45.655
That's what you've got for me,
don't be myself?
1317
01:25:45.826 --> 01:25:48.386
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Great. Thanks for nothing.
1318
01:25:48.562 --> 01:25:49.859
Do you wanna get a?
1319
01:25:50.797 --> 01:25:52.822
Do you wanna get a beer next week?
1320
01:25:53.000 --> 01:25:54.729
You have my number.
1321
01:25:54.902 --> 01:25:57.530
And, you know, don't worry about tonight.
You'll be fine.
1322
01:25:57.704 --> 01:26:00.229
- Good for you, by the way.
- See you, buddy.
1323
01:26:00.841 --> 01:26:03.867
Honk. You gotta get that fixed.
1324
01:26:05.646 --> 01:26:08.308
- Okay. All right.
- Let's go.
1325
01:26:31.405 --> 01:26:32.770
Va-jay-jay.
1326
01:26:49.289 --> 01:26:51.780
...out of this fourth inning
with just one run in.
1327
01:26:51.959 --> 01:26:56.293
He's right on the verge of
a big hit knocking him out of the game here.
1328
01:26:56.496 --> 01:26:59.431
He's staying in there,
very competitive today.
1329
01:27:19.353 --> 01:27:22.151
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
1330
01:27:23.156 --> 01:27:25.750
No, leave him. Let him go.
He can handle it. Let him go.
1331
01:27:25.926 --> 01:27:28.224
Honey! Get out of my purse.
Stay out of my purse!
1332
01:27:28.395 --> 01:27:32.354
Do not take those keys! Do not take those
keys! I'm not letting you take those keys.
1333
01:27:32.532 --> 01:27:35.160
You're not following your father!
Stop it!
1334
01:27:35.335 --> 01:27:38.463
No! No! Let your father handle it.
You're not to see that man again!
1335
01:27:38.638 --> 01:27:39.764
That man's a pervert!
1336
01:27:39.940 --> 01:27:41.168
- Stay out of it!
- No!
1337
01:27:41.341 --> 01:27:42.933
Is that pervert sexting you?
1338
01:27:43.343 --> 01:27:44.367
Hey, baby.
1339
01:27:45.012 --> 01:27:46.104
What are you wearing?
1340
01:27:46.279 --> 01:27:49.407
Dad's here. I have to blindfold you.
1341
01:27:49.583 --> 01:27:52.177
- Why? What's he doing?
- Just come on.
1342
01:28:04.264 --> 01:28:05.561
Hate this. Bad.
1343
01:28:07.200 --> 01:28:09.168
Is this something
I'm gonna have to clean up?
1344
01:28:09.336 --> 01:28:11.270
Mom, no, don't worry about it. Keep going.
1345
01:28:11.438 --> 01:28:13.929
Honey, honey, I really can't see.
Mom, I got you.
1346
01:28:14.107 --> 01:28:16.632
Two. Right now we're on the ground.
One more step.
1347
01:28:16.810 --> 01:28:18.141
- Three.
- Three. Yay.
1348
01:28:18.311 --> 01:28:20.438
Mom, no more steps.
We're on the ground.
1349
01:28:20.614 --> 01:28:23.606
Mom, relax.
It's your husband, not al Qaeda.
1350
01:28:23.784 --> 01:28:24.808
Hi, Em.
1351
01:28:24.985 --> 01:28:27.453
Oh, hey. Can I take this off now, please?
1352
01:28:27.621 --> 01:28:29.452
- Nope, not yet.
- Oh, what's this?
1353
01:28:30.824 --> 01:28:32.485
- I hear you, gigglepuss.
- Do it.
1354
01:28:36.463 --> 01:28:38.863
May I have your attention?
1355
01:28:42.035 --> 01:28:46.802
Many years ago, in the hallway
of Woodside Middle School...
1356
01:28:46.973 --> 01:28:50.306
...Cal Weaver saw Emily Boyle
for the first time.
1357
01:28:50.477 --> 01:28:53.446
Cal, are you seriously gonna do this
in front of the kids?
1358
01:28:53.613 --> 01:28:54.637
Mm-hm.
1359
01:28:54.815 --> 01:28:58.012
If anything goes wrong I'm supposed to
take her upstairs and put the TV on loud.
1360
01:28:58.418 --> 01:29:01.478
All right. Well, we may as well wait
for your daughter.
1361
01:29:01.655 --> 01:29:04.317
- She's right here.
- No, no, no. I mean our other daughter.
1362
01:29:04.491 --> 01:29:05.788
Hello?
- Nanna.
1363
01:29:05.959 --> 01:29:08.359
- Hi, guys.
Hi, sweetheart.
1364
01:29:08.528 --> 01:29:10.257
Hi.
What's going on?
1365
01:29:10.430 --> 01:29:14.161
Oh, I don't know. Some game.
He won't let me take this dumb blindfold off.
1366
01:29:14.334 --> 01:29:15.926
- Cal?
- Is that him?
1367
01:29:16.369 --> 01:29:17.529
What are you doing here?
1368
01:29:17.704 --> 01:29:20.639
- What are you doing here?
- Wait, do you guys know each other?
1369
01:29:20.807 --> 01:29:22.798
- What's going on?
- What are you doing here?
1370
01:29:22.976 --> 01:29:25.137
Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, Robbie.
1371
01:29:25.312 --> 01:29:26.745
- Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, cutie.
1372
01:29:26.913 --> 01:29:28.278
Jacob, it's so nice to meet you.
1373
01:29:28.448 --> 01:29:30.973
I've heard so many wonderful things
about you from Nanna.
1374
01:29:31.151 --> 01:29:32.846
- I'm sorry, what's a Nanna?
I am.
1375
01:29:33.019 --> 01:29:35.146
I couldn't say Hannah.
How do you know my dad?
1376
01:29:35.322 --> 01:29:37.517
She couldn't say her H's at all.
1377
01:29:37.691 --> 01:29:40.717
Okay. I'm having trouble understanding
what's going on right now.
1378
01:29:41.361 --> 01:29:45.320
- Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend.
No, it's not.
1379
01:29:45.499 --> 01:29:48.229
- I was bringing him over to meet Mom.
- No. No. No, no, no.
1380
01:29:48.401 --> 01:29:50.460
I wanna see the boyfriend.
- I can't breathe.
1381
01:29:50.637 --> 01:29:51.797
Can I take this off?
1382
01:29:51.972 --> 01:29:54.463
Cal, what are you doing
with a daughter that's grown up?
1383
01:29:54.674 --> 01:29:57.142
I was 17. That's why we had to get
married so young.
1384
01:29:57.310 --> 01:30:00.279
- You should have told me.
- Never wanted me to talk about my children.
1385
01:30:00.447 --> 01:30:03.848
- Um, I'm gonna go watch TV now.
- That's fine. Why don't you go do that?
1386
01:30:04.017 --> 01:30:05.382
- Yeah. Can I come?
- No.
1387
01:30:05.552 --> 01:30:07.850
So you guys, like,
really know each other, then.
1388
01:30:08.021 --> 01:30:10.649
Oh, screw it. This is ridiculous.
1389
01:30:10.824 --> 01:30:12.689
- Honey, he's really cute.
- No, he's not.
1390
01:30:12.859 --> 01:30:15.453
Look at you. You're really a mother?
I don't believe it, sister.
1391
01:30:15.962 --> 01:30:18.226
Let me get this straight.
So you guys are a thing.
1392
01:30:18.398 --> 01:30:20.798
You guys are a couple, right?
You guys are together?
1393
01:30:20.967 --> 01:30:22.958
- Yeah.
- No way. Break up right now.
1394
01:30:23.336 --> 01:30:25.099
- Daddy?
- Please don't call him that.
1395
01:30:25.906 --> 01:30:28.500
- Cal, that's not gonna happen.
- Then I will mess you up.
1396
01:30:28.708 --> 01:30:29.800
- Dad.
- Cal.
1397
01:30:29.976 --> 01:30:31.000
- Cal.
- Jessica?
1398
01:30:31.178 --> 01:30:32.202
Bernie?
1399
01:30:33.914 --> 01:30:35.040
Daddy, no.
1400
01:30:35.215 --> 01:30:38.150
I let her babysit for you,
you son of a bitch.
1401
01:30:38.919 --> 01:30:41.479
- She's only 17 years old.
- What are you talking about?
1402
01:30:41.655 --> 01:30:43.589
- Oh, God.
No idea what you're talking about.
1403
01:30:43.757 --> 01:30:44.883
- Aah!
Bernie.
1404
01:30:45.058 --> 01:30:48.186
Daddy, no. No, no, no. Stop it.
1405
01:30:50.330 --> 01:30:52.161
Dad.
Jacob! Oh, God.
1406
01:30:52.332 --> 01:30:53.890
Stop it. He didn't do anything.
1407
01:30:54.067 --> 01:30:55.830
- He doesn't know.
Is your back okay?
1408
01:30:56.002 --> 01:30:57.492
- Know what?
- Know what?
1409
01:30:57.671 --> 01:30:59.798
Is this some kind of a skit?
Because I'm lost.
1410
01:31:00.006 --> 01:31:01.030
- Argh!
No.
1411
01:31:01.208 --> 01:31:03.768
- Aah!
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy.
1412
01:31:03.944 --> 01:31:05.707
He didn't even know
that I'm in love with him.
1413
01:31:06.613 --> 01:31:08.080
- With who?
With him.
1414
01:31:08.248 --> 01:31:10.182
- You pointing at me?
- You pointing at him?
1415
01:31:10.350 --> 01:31:12.113
She's pointing at him? Oh.
1416
01:31:12.285 --> 01:31:15.118
Wait. My dad is the older guy
you've been seeing?
1417
01:31:15.288 --> 01:31:18.382
- I knew it. You...
- He doesn't know about the naked photos.
1418
01:31:18.558 --> 01:31:20.287
- What?
- Jessica.
1419
01:31:20.460 --> 01:31:22.223
You made him naked photos? Seriously?
1420
01:31:22.395 --> 01:31:26.024
- I'm gonna beat you till your brains fall out.
- Timeout, timeout. Hold on.
1421
01:31:26.199 --> 01:31:29.191
- But I love her.
- Jessica's the one you're in love with?
1422
01:31:29.369 --> 01:31:31.166
Excuse me, Emily?
1423
01:31:31.938 --> 01:31:34.304
- You left your sweater in my car.
- Oh.
1424
01:31:34.474 --> 01:31:36.032
- Who are you?
- David Lindhagen.
1425
01:31:37.944 --> 01:31:40.003
- David Lindhagen?
- David Lindhagen.
1426
01:31:41.248 --> 01:31:42.806
Okay.
1427
01:31:42.983 --> 01:31:45.076
- Is this a bad time?
- Yeah.
1428
01:31:45.252 --> 01:31:46.879
- Unh.
- Jacob.
1429
01:31:47.420 --> 01:31:50.048
Know how much pain and suffering
you caused my friend?
1430
01:31:50.223 --> 01:31:52.054
- Stay the hell away from my daughter.
- Ow.
1431
01:31:52.225 --> 01:31:53.920
You stay away from my daughter.
1432
01:31:54.094 --> 01:31:56.153
- I don't even know you.
Stop it.
1433
01:31:56.329 --> 01:31:58.627
Oh, my God. That is not...
What are you grabbing?
1434
01:32:01.601 --> 01:32:03.535
Really? Really?
- Come on.
1435
01:32:03.703 --> 01:32:06.399
Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me!
1436
01:32:06.573 --> 01:32:08.837
Come on, she's my daughter.
Stop it. Stop it.
1437
01:32:09.009 --> 01:32:10.033
I'll kill you.
1438
01:32:12.379 --> 01:32:13.710
So...
1439
01:32:13.913 --> 01:32:16.245
Okay, wait. Which one of you
is Lindhagen again?
1440
01:32:16.416 --> 01:32:17.508
Hagen.
1441
01:32:18.451 --> 01:32:21.011
I'm just gonna write,
"Domestic disturbance, all clear. "
1442
01:32:21.187 --> 01:32:22.347
Thank you, officer.
1443
01:32:23.423 --> 01:32:26.620
Just simmer down, okay?
We all have arguments.
1444
01:32:26.826 --> 01:32:30.523
But if you're gonna fight, just do it inside.
Keep it in the family, okay?
1445
01:32:32.632 --> 01:32:33.758
I will kill you.
1446
01:32:44.744 --> 01:32:45.768
Let's go.
1447
01:32:45.945 --> 01:32:47.071
- Daddy?
Now.
1448
01:32:47.480 --> 01:32:49.414
- Daddy?
- Now.
1449
01:33:21.648 --> 01:33:22.808
Cal.
1450
01:33:23.016 --> 01:33:24.176
Come on.
1451
01:33:24.684 --> 01:33:25.708
Honey.
1452
01:33:28.455 --> 01:33:31.891
This guy is a lowlife,
he is a womanizer.
1453
01:33:32.058 --> 01:33:34.822
- That's ironic.
- Excuse me?
1454
01:33:38.898 --> 01:33:41.628
I know him.
I have witnessed him in action.
1455
01:33:41.801 --> 01:33:45.760
- And you are not to see him anymore.
- Dad, I'm not gonna stop seeing him.
1456
01:33:45.939 --> 01:33:49.102
Okay. Okay. Well, then we have
nothing more to talk about.
1457
01:33:52.779 --> 01:33:54.679
- You're being unreasonable.
- Get out of my house.
1458
01:33:54.848 --> 01:33:56.145
This is not your house anymore.
1459
01:33:56.316 --> 01:33:59.080
Well, you made damn sure of that,
didn't you, sweetheart?
1460
01:34:13.366 --> 01:34:15.630
- Bye, Nanna.
- Bye, cutie.
1461
01:34:26.880 --> 01:34:28.404
She's all yours, David.
1462
01:34:29.883 --> 01:34:33.250
- Fantastic.
- Nice.
1463
01:34:41.561 --> 01:34:43.461
Go big or go home, right, bud?
1464
01:34:45.565 --> 01:34:46.964
Go home, Dad.
1465
01:35:44.123 --> 01:35:46.114
Did you see the headline today?
What?
1466
01:35:46.292 --> 01:35:49.056
It says that you should call your dad.
1467
01:35:49.229 --> 01:35:51.561
No, it says,
"Let's move on child obesity. " Ha, ha.
1468
01:35:51.731 --> 01:35:53.392
No, it doesn't.
1469
01:35:53.566 --> 01:35:56.558
I'm not gonna call him.
- No, it says you really should.
1470
01:36:35.241 --> 01:36:37.266
Can I get you another?
1471
01:36:38.344 --> 01:36:40.437
- What time is it?
2:30.
1472
01:36:41.514 --> 01:36:43.072
In the afternoon.
1473
01:36:43.583 --> 01:36:45.551
"Two-thirty" would have been sufficient...
1474
01:36:45.718 --> 01:36:49.381
...but thank you for the judgmental tone,
cocktail servant.
1475
01:36:50.189 --> 01:36:51.213
I'm sorry...
1476
01:36:53.326 --> 01:36:55.419
Sorry for being a dick.
1477
01:36:58.164 --> 01:36:59.722
Nice sweat suit.
1478
01:37:04.337 --> 01:37:05.361
What do you want?
1479
01:37:06.806 --> 01:37:09.400
- Uh, can I sit down?
- I don't know, can you?
1480
01:37:10.243 --> 01:37:13.838
Are we gonna be adults about this,
or we gonna...?
1481
01:37:14.013 --> 01:37:16.174
"Are we gonna be adults about this?"
1482
01:37:24.724 --> 01:37:28.751
- It would mean a lot to me if we could talk.
- Are you still seeing my daughter?
1483
01:37:31.030 --> 01:37:34.227
- Yes.
- Then I have nothing to say to you.
1484
01:37:35.335 --> 01:37:36.927
Been hanging out here a lot?
1485
01:37:37.370 --> 01:37:38.769
Sometimes.
1486
01:37:41.407 --> 01:37:44.399
You been missing a lot of work?
- I have a lot of vacation days.
1487
01:37:44.577 --> 01:37:46.841
You know what? You have a lot of nerve.
1488
01:37:57.991 --> 01:37:59.288
Do you wanna do your shot?
1489
01:37:59.459 --> 01:38:02.519
She probably spit in it,
so, no, thank you.
1490
01:38:05.865 --> 01:38:07.264
Your kids miss you, Cal.
1491
01:38:07.433 --> 01:38:10.095
You're hanging out with my kids?
That's great.
1492
01:38:10.269 --> 01:38:12.703
Teach Robbie how to objectify women.
He'll love that.
1493
01:38:16.409 --> 01:38:20.470
You know it's his eighth-grade graduation
next week.
1494
01:38:21.214 --> 01:38:22.476
You gonna go to that?
1495
01:38:22.682 --> 01:38:23.910
Of course I'm going.
1496
01:38:24.083 --> 01:38:28.213
I just didn't know. You haven't really been
around. I don't think he knows either.
1497
01:38:28.388 --> 01:38:31.380
I haven't been around for him?
That's what you're telling me?
1498
01:38:31.557 --> 01:38:33.616
You know,
he's not my biggest fan right now.
1499
01:38:33.793 --> 01:38:36.523
- He thinks I stole his soul mate.
- He worships you, Cal.
1500
01:38:36.696 --> 01:38:39.995
- Is the parental advice over? Because if so...
- I'm in love with her.
1501
01:38:42.635 --> 01:38:43.932
I love her.
1502
01:38:45.738 --> 01:38:48.605
I don't know what I was doing
before this.
1503
01:38:48.775 --> 01:38:53.838
And I don't know what to do about it.
It's not something I can really stop.
1504
01:38:54.347 --> 01:38:56.144
- Yeah?
Yeah.
1505
01:38:56.315 --> 01:38:58.044
- You love her? You love Hannah?
Yes.
1506
01:38:58.217 --> 01:39:01.744
Tell me about it.
Tell me how much you love her.
1507
01:39:02.188 --> 01:39:03.246
I'm just...
1508
01:39:04.257 --> 01:39:06.919
Look, Cal, it's not something
that I wanted, okay?
1509
01:39:07.093 --> 01:39:08.958
I looked at people who were in love...
1510
01:39:09.128 --> 01:39:11.528
...and I thought
the way that they were behaving...
1511
01:39:11.698 --> 01:39:14.098
...and the things that they were doing
and saying...
1512
01:39:14.267 --> 01:39:16.531
...they appeared pathetic, honestly.
1513
01:39:16.736 --> 01:39:20.228
And I spent all this time with you,
I'm trying to make you more like me...
1514
01:39:20.406 --> 01:39:22.840
...and it turns out I just wanna be...
1515
01:39:27.814 --> 01:39:29.145
I need that drink.
1516
01:39:29.315 --> 01:39:31.579
You gonna make me do this?
I gotta really do this?
1517
01:39:36.789 --> 01:39:39.781
I had Hannah when I was 17.
1518
01:39:40.393 --> 01:39:42.793
I taught her how to ride a bike.
1519
01:39:44.197 --> 01:39:46.631
I taught her how to drive a car.
1520
01:39:47.133 --> 01:39:49.795
And I'm glad for you.
1521
01:39:49.969 --> 01:39:53.928
I'm happy for you, that you've changed.
1522
01:39:54.340 --> 01:39:59.107
I think it's fantastic
that you're a better man.
1523
01:40:00.379 --> 01:40:02.404
But I've seen too much already.
1524
01:40:02.582 --> 01:40:07.076
- No. I know. I know too much.
I know. I know.
1525
01:40:08.721 --> 01:40:10.188
And it's Hannah.
1526
01:40:10.523 --> 01:40:12.491
And she's too good for you.
1527
01:40:13.226 --> 01:40:14.557
I agree.
1528
01:40:18.631 --> 01:40:21.191
I'm never gonna give you my approval.
1529
01:40:31.144 --> 01:40:33.237
You're a good dad, Cal.
1530
01:40:47.760 --> 01:40:48.954
Yep. Yep.
1531
01:40:49.128 --> 01:40:51.688
She spit. She spit in that.
1532
01:40:51.964 --> 01:40:53.761
Guys, I need you to pay attention.
1533
01:40:53.933 --> 01:40:58.233
Do not cut the line. I need everyone
to stay in your positions, okay?
1534
01:40:58.404 --> 01:41:02.738
Guys, check your ties.
Make sure everything is nice and neat.
1535
01:41:02.909 --> 01:41:04.604
Ladies, when you're on stage...
1536
01:41:14.787 --> 01:41:16.345
Mommy, look. Robbie's name.
1537
01:41:37.944 --> 01:41:39.878
Excuse me. Is this open?
1538
01:41:55.895 --> 01:41:57.624
How close?
- Yeah, that's fine.
1539
01:42:05.471 --> 01:42:06.995
Good afternoon.
1540
01:42:07.173 --> 01:42:10.267
Welcome, parents, family and friends.
1541
01:42:10.676 --> 01:42:14.635
We're so pleased to have you here
to celebrate this graduating class.
1542
01:42:15.481 --> 01:42:19.611
And now, to introduce
our first student speaker...
1543
01:42:19.785 --> 01:42:23.551
...our very own Kate Tafferty.
1544
01:42:26.626 --> 01:42:28.423
- She's pretty.
- Ugh.
1545
01:42:31.364 --> 01:42:36.165
Our first speaker is not only
the class salutatorian...
1546
01:42:36.502 --> 01:42:39.596
...but is also...
1547
01:42:41.107 --> 01:42:44.474
...one of the most spirited young men...
1548
01:42:44.644 --> 01:42:47.374
...I've ever had the pleasure of teaching.
1549
01:42:47.546 --> 01:42:51.243
Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Weaver.
1550
01:42:53.886 --> 01:42:55.012
- Whoo!
- Robbie!
1551
01:43:03.863 --> 01:43:06.263
Welcome, class of 2011.
1552
01:43:07.133 --> 01:43:10.534
Our time as middle schoolers
has come to an end.
1553
01:43:10.703 --> 01:43:13.331
We can't fight it anymore.
We're getting old.
1554
01:43:19.645 --> 01:43:23.206
All my life I wanted to grow up.
1555
01:43:23.683 --> 01:43:28.052
I wanted to grow older
so people would take me seriously.
1556
01:43:28.721 --> 01:43:32.179
It all sounded so good to me.
1557
01:43:32.558 --> 01:43:36.995
Growing up, getting a job,
getting married.
1558
01:43:37.697 --> 01:43:39.062
But...
1559
01:43:40.032 --> 01:43:41.431
...it's all a scam.
1560
01:43:42.368 --> 01:43:43.699
And love?
1561
01:43:45.071 --> 01:43:46.595
That's the biggest scam of all.
1562
01:43:49.175 --> 01:43:51.200
I was in love.
1563
01:43:51.877 --> 01:43:56.246
And I know that makes some of you laugh
because I'm only 13...
1564
01:43:57.416 --> 01:44:00.146
...but whatever. I was.
1565
01:44:01.821 --> 01:44:05.188
And I used to think, and really believe...
1566
01:44:06.425 --> 01:44:09.223
...that there was one true love
for everyone...
1567
01:44:09.729 --> 01:44:13.221
...and if you fought hard enough
for that person...
1568
01:44:13.399 --> 01:44:15.390
...your one true love
would always work out.
1569
01:44:16.435 --> 01:44:21.338
It sounded good to me when I was younger,
but it just doesn't work that way.
1570
01:44:23.042 --> 01:44:27.240
- There is no such thing as one true love...
- Stop.
1571
01:44:31.417 --> 01:44:33.885
Shit.
1572
01:44:34.053 --> 01:44:36.817
- Oh, boy.
- Okay.
1573
01:44:36.989 --> 01:44:39.321
All right. Ahem. Excuse me.
1574
01:44:52.204 --> 01:44:55.401
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1575
01:44:55.941 --> 01:44:58.501
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
1576
01:44:59.011 --> 01:45:01.104
I was wrong, Dad.
There's no such thing as...
1577
01:45:03.382 --> 01:45:04.644
I, uh...
1578
01:45:05.351 --> 01:45:06.477
Um...
1579
01:45:12.024 --> 01:45:15.858
Oh. Well, here's the thing:
1580
01:45:16.028 --> 01:45:18.622
My son's graduation speech sucks.
1581
01:45:20.132 --> 01:45:21.156
That's not a joke.
1582
01:45:22.268 --> 01:45:25.829
In fairness, I didn't know
where he was going with that.
1583
01:45:26.005 --> 01:45:27.666
But I think we can all agree...
1584
01:45:27.840 --> 01:45:33.437
...it was headed
in a kind of depressing, um, way.
1585
01:45:35.314 --> 01:45:38.511
My son... Not him, my actual son.
1586
01:45:38.684 --> 01:45:41.209
- Believes in grand romantic gestures.
1587
01:45:41.420 --> 01:45:44.856
He believes in the existence...
1588
01:45:45.024 --> 01:45:47.322
...of one's soul mate.
1589
01:45:48.694 --> 01:45:51.925
And it's easy to just look
at a 13-year-old and say:
1590
01:45:52.098 --> 01:45:56.296
"You don't know what you're talking about.
You are wrong. "
1591
01:45:56.469 --> 01:45:58.767
But I'm not so sure.
1592
01:46:02.808 --> 01:46:05.936
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old.
1593
01:46:06.512 --> 01:46:08.480
We went out for ice cream.
1594
01:46:08.647 --> 01:46:13.346
After, my dad started teasing me
about my first date, the way dads do.
1595
01:46:13.519 --> 01:46:16.386
And I told him, "Dad, it's no big deal.
1596
01:46:16.555 --> 01:46:21.925
I'm gonna be going out with a lot of
different girls on a lot of different dates. "
1597
01:46:22.094 --> 01:46:25.586
And that is the first time
that I ever lied to my father.
1598
01:46:29.001 --> 01:46:31.663
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old...
1599
01:46:31.837 --> 01:46:36.604
...and I have loved her
every minute of every day...
1600
01:46:37.176 --> 01:46:41.010
...since I first bought her
that mint chocolate chip cone.
1601
01:46:42.681 --> 01:46:47.448
I have loved her through the birth
of my three perfect children.
1602
01:46:48.587 --> 01:46:50.885
I have loved her
even when I've hated her.
1603
01:46:52.758 --> 01:46:54.885
Only married couples
will understand that one.
1604
01:47:00.432 --> 01:47:02.297
And I don't know if it's gonna work out.
1605
01:47:04.303 --> 01:47:06.328
I don't know what's gonna happen.
1606
01:47:08.374 --> 01:47:11.343
I'm sorry, Robbie, I can't give you that.
1607
01:47:12.278 --> 01:47:14.678
But I can promise you this:
1608
01:47:15.114 --> 01:47:17.173
I will never stop trying.
1609
01:47:18.551 --> 01:47:21.679
Because when you find the one...
1610
01:47:22.154 --> 01:47:23.678
...you never give up.
1611
01:47:29.428 --> 01:47:31.328
Do you have anything you'd like to say?
1612
01:47:33.165 --> 01:47:34.860
I still love you, Jessica.
1613
01:47:38.070 --> 01:47:39.537
And I love you, Emily.
1614
01:47:41.607 --> 01:47:44.838
I loved you ever since you first
changed my sister's diaper.
1615
01:47:45.010 --> 01:47:48.946
I loved you when you came into
my bedroom and I was under the covers...
1616
01:47:49.114 --> 01:47:50.945
- Stop him.
No, no.
1617
01:47:51.116 --> 01:47:53.414
- What's he talking about?
- I'm not ashamed of it.
1618
01:47:53.586 --> 01:47:55.611
Okay, we're good, we're good.
1619
01:48:04.663 --> 01:48:07.928
Oh, there's your mom. Let's go say hi.
1620
01:48:08.267 --> 01:48:09.427
Hey.
1621
01:48:09.602 --> 01:48:12.036
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
1622
01:48:12.204 --> 01:48:14.365
There she is. My perfect girl.
1623
01:48:14.540 --> 01:48:16.064
Hi.
1624
01:48:20.946 --> 01:48:22.470
Okay.
1625
01:48:23.616 --> 01:48:25.049
So I bought a firearm...
1626
01:48:26.552 --> 01:48:27.849
...from a shady Internet site...
1627
01:48:28.020 --> 01:48:30.113
...and I am prepared to shoot you with it.
1628
01:48:32.324 --> 01:48:33.916
Come here.
1629
01:48:40.332 --> 01:48:41.629
Take care of her.
1630
01:48:46.639 --> 01:48:48.573
This is gonna be fun.
1631
01:48:48.741 --> 01:48:50.800
This is gonna be fun.
1632
01:48:55.080 --> 01:48:56.513
I'm gonna talk to my friends.
1633
01:48:56.682 --> 01:49:00.516
Go hang with the other high schoolers.
Go ahead, see if I care. I don't care.
1634
01:49:35.154 --> 01:49:37.486
I'm really glad you came.
1635
01:49:37.656 --> 01:49:39.146
So am I.
1636
01:49:40.526 --> 01:49:42.824
You were a really good babysitter,
Jessica.
1637
01:49:44.630 --> 01:49:46.723
I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
1638
01:49:48.033 --> 01:49:50.365
- I thought you weren't giving up.
I'm not.
1639
01:49:50.536 --> 01:49:51.969
But I just figure...
1640
01:49:52.171 --> 01:49:53.638
...you like my dad...
1641
01:49:53.806 --> 01:49:55.899
...and in a few years I'll look like him.
1642
01:49:56.075 --> 01:49:57.235
I'll come for you then.
1643
01:49:58.077 --> 01:49:59.544
That's not a bad plan.
1644
01:50:00.012 --> 01:50:01.070
But...
1645
01:50:01.814 --> 01:50:03.907
Well, until then...
1646
01:50:04.083 --> 01:50:08.213
...just a little graduation gift
to get you through high school.
1647
01:50:09.221 --> 01:50:10.711
Thanks.
1648
01:50:19.198 --> 01:50:20.256
So...
1649
01:50:21.800 --> 01:50:23.893
Can you...?
1650
01:50:24.069 --> 01:50:26.094
- Why...?
- Take care, Robbie.
1651
01:50:52.030 --> 01:50:54.294
Holy crap.
1652
01:51:03.275 --> 01:51:06.938
- He looks pretty happy.
- Yeah.
1653
01:51:07.746 --> 01:51:09.680
- God, I hate that haircut, though.
- Ick.
1654
01:51:09.848 --> 01:51:13.045
- I know. He looks like a sheepdog.
- Mm-hm.
1655
01:51:18.157 --> 01:51:22.321
Oh, my eyes! My eyes! My eyes!
1656
01:51:27.166 --> 01:51:29.157
It's been a really hard year.
1657
01:51:30.769 --> 01:51:31.827
How so?
1658
01:51:37.142 --> 01:51:39.702
Yeah, there were a couple little blips,
I guess.
1659
01:51:39.878 --> 01:51:42.870
- I know.
- I guess I just, you know...
1660
01:51:43.582 --> 01:51:46.881
Really what I want to say...
1661
01:51:49.221 --> 01:51:52.156
...is that I'm so glad you bought me
that ice cream.
1662
01:51:54.927 --> 01:51:57.191
Me too.