WEBVTT FILE

1
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# I see trees of green #

2
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# Red roses too #

3
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# I see them bloom #

4
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# For me and you #

5
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# And I think to myself #

6
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# What a wonderful world #

7
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# I see skies of blue #

8
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# And clouds of white #

9
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# The bright blessed day #

10
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# The dark sacred night #

11
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# And I think to myself #

12
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# What a wonderful world #

13
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# Yes #

14
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# I think to myself #

15
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# What a wonderful #

16
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Yes, dude!

17
00:01:46.873 --> 00:01:49.569
What the fuck? What the fuck?
What are you doing?

18
00:01:49.609 --> 00:01:52.442
I'm taking the most incredible dump
of all time, man.

19
00:01:52.478 --> 00:01:54.105
You couldn't wait
till I got out of the shower?

20
00:01:54.147 --> 00:01:58.049
May I remind you that
we both just ate 30 burgers...

21
00:01:58.084 --> 00:02:00.279
and four large orders of fries?

22
00:02:02.188 --> 00:02:04.622
Don't worry, in a little bit,
I'm sure it'll hit you too.

23
00:02:04.657 --> 00:02:07.888
It may be. But I'm gonna wait
till you get out of the shower.

24
00:02:07.927 --> 00:02:10.987
Well, don't wait too long. We've got
to leave for the airport in an hour.

25
00:02:11.030 --> 00:02:12.019
Ooh, that burns.

26
00:02:12.065 --> 00:02:15.091
- An hour?
- Hey, and, Roldy?

27
00:02:15.835 --> 00:02:17.530
Yeah?

28
00:02:17.570 --> 00:02:19.299
Nice pubes.

29
00:02:19.839 --> 00:02:21.898
Asshole, get out of here right now.

30
00:02:21.941 --> 00:02:25.638
- Wipe and leave. Wipe and leave now!
- Dude, this thing is huge!

31
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I think it still has cheese on it.

32
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# Ooh wee #

33
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# Ooh wee #

34
00:02:39.325 --> 00:02:41.293
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

35
00:02:41.327 --> 00:02:43.625
# When I step into the party
all the ladies wanna know #

36
00:02:43.663 --> 00:02:45.858
# I'm hangin' with the ballers,
yeah, or my nigga Ghost #

37
00:02:45.898 --> 00:02:48.025
# I can tell you what they say, haters,
if you wanna know #

38
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# They say ooh wee #

39
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# When I'm rollin' my Mercedes
all the ladies wanna roll #

40
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# Be my Juliet
and I can be your Romeo #

41
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# If you actin' menace
I can pick another ho #

42
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# Ooh wee, ooh wee #

43
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# Ooh wee #
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

44
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# In the middle of the summer,
or even 20 below #

45
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# I'm a bad motherfucker
I'm way too fuckin' cold #

46
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# Let me tell you what they say
when I'm pullin' off my drawers #

47
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# They say ooh wee #

48
00:03:14.827 --> 00:03:18.456
# Ooh wee #
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

49
00:03:29.542 --> 00:03:30.839
# Ooh wee #

50
00:03:30.877 --> 00:03:31.901
# Aiyo, aiyo #

51
00:03:31.944 --> 00:03:33.912
# My game's here to party
just to cut up a rug #

52
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# Don't make me have to cut up a thug #

53
00:03:35.415 --> 00:03:38.384
# Now play something for me, DJ,
'cause there's nothin' but love #

54
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# Hosted by the ladies
who lookin' for somethin' to rub #

55
00:03:52.465 --> 00:03:55.229
# Ooh wee #

56
00:03:55.568 --> 00:03:57.763
Dude. Oh, my Go...
I just realized something.

57
00:03:57.804 --> 00:03:58.793
What?

58
00:03:58.838 --> 00:04:01.602
Maria's gonna think I'm a stalker, man.
I'm following her to Amsterdam.

59
00:04:01.641 --> 00:04:04.906
Dude, relax. I have a med school
interview in ten minutes.

60
00:04:04.944 --> 00:04:06.707
You don't see me freaking out.

61
00:04:06.746 --> 00:04:08.976
Don't worry, man,
she'll be psyched to see you.

62
00:04:09.015 --> 00:04:10.642
Oh, psyched? You think
she's gonna be psyched?

63
00:04:10.683 --> 00:04:12.810
Totes, dude. Why wouldn't she be?

64
00:04:12.885 --> 00:04:14.152
So how does this work?

65
00:04:14.187 --> 00:04:17.520
We just... we show up in Amsterdam
and we start calling hotels...

66
00:04:17.557 --> 00:04:19.457
and ask if they have
a Maria staying there?

67
00:04:19.492 --> 00:04:21.983
- I don't even know her last name.
- Dude, it's totally cool.

68
00:04:22.028 --> 00:04:23.859
We're definitely gonna find her.

69
00:04:23.896 --> 00:04:25.693
Amsterdam is a very small place.
It's not gonna be...

70
00:04:25.732 --> 00:04:28.496
Sir, I need you to step aside, please.
Let me search you.

71
00:04:28.534 --> 00:04:30.331
- Did I beep?
- No, you didn't beep.

72
00:04:30.370 --> 00:04:31.462
Just a random security check.

73
00:04:31.504 --> 00:04:33.972
If you could just step aside, please?
Just over here.

74
00:04:34.006 --> 00:04:36.497
- Random, huh?
- Yeah.

75
00:04:36.542 --> 00:04:39.170
So this has nothing to do
with my ethnicity?

76
00:04:39.212 --> 00:04:40.839
Kumar, just do what the guy says.

77
00:04:40.880 --> 00:04:43.041
Sir, it's our job as airport security...

78
00:04:43.082 --> 00:04:45.983
to search for all possible weapons
or illegal drugs.

79
00:04:46.018 --> 00:04:48.919
So just because of the color of my skin,
you assume that I have drugs on me?

80
00:04:48.955 --> 00:04:50.547
- No, he's...
- What are you, a racist?

81
00:04:50.590 --> 00:04:53.718
Racist? Dude, I'm black.

82
00:04:53.760 --> 00:04:56.228
He's black. He's not a racist.

83
00:04:56.763 --> 00:04:58.924
Please, dude, you're barely even brown.

84
00:04:58.965 --> 00:05:00.830
No, he didn't mean that.

85
00:05:00.867 --> 00:05:02.596
Compared to me,
you look like Matthew Perry.

86
00:05:02.635 --> 00:05:04.603
Hey, who you calling Matthew Perry, bitch?

87
00:05:04.637 --> 00:05:07.606
I'm calling you Matthew Perry,
you Matthew Perry-looking bitch!

88
00:05:07.640 --> 00:05:09.631
No, there's nobody here
who is Matthew Perry. No one!

89
00:05:09.675 --> 00:05:11.199
What is going on here?

90
00:05:11.244 --> 00:05:14.736
Sir, Matthew Perry over here thinks
that I have illegal narcotics on me...

91
00:05:14.781 --> 00:05:16.180
because I'm a minority.

92
00:05:16.215 --> 00:05:18.115
This is textbook racial profiling...

93
00:05:18.151 --> 00:05:20.142
and I'd be more than happy
to call the ACLU or the government...

94
00:05:20.186 --> 00:05:22.654
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

95
00:05:22.688 --> 00:05:25.555
- You can move along.
- I appreciate it. Thanks, Matt Perry.

96
00:05:26.993 --> 00:05:28.255
Hey, what are you doing?

97
00:05:28.294 --> 00:05:30.262
What do you mean, what am I doing?
He called me Matthew Perry.

98
00:05:30.296 --> 00:05:31.593
Well, you look like Matthew Perry.

99
00:05:31.631 --> 00:05:33.462
- He's white!
- So what?

100
00:05:33.499 --> 00:05:35.831
Why does everything have to become
a huge argument with you, man?

101
00:05:35.868 --> 00:05:37.301
'Cause this is America, dude...

102
00:05:37.336 --> 00:05:40.066
and as long as I have my freedom
of speech, no one's gonna shut me up.

103
00:05:40.106 --> 00:05:41.630
Kumar?

104
00:05:44.644 --> 00:05:45.804
Roldy?

105
00:05:45.845 --> 00:05:48.905
- Vanessa.
- Oh, my God!

106
00:05:48.948 --> 00:05:52.315
- Good to see you.
- So good to see you. I...

107
00:05:52.351 --> 00:05:54.478
- Hi. Hey.
- Hey.

108
00:05:54.520 --> 00:05:55.612
Hey.

109
00:05:55.655 --> 00:05:59.091
God, it's been forever.
What are you guys doing?

110
00:05:59.125 --> 00:06:01.593
We're actually on our way
to Amsterdam.

111
00:06:01.627 --> 00:06:02.821
- Amsterdam?
- Yeah.

112
00:06:02.862 --> 00:06:04.591
Well, you guys haven't changed.

113
00:06:04.630 --> 00:06:07.690
You have. You look amazing.
Your hair is diff...

114
00:06:07.733 --> 00:06:10.668
- Doesn't she look amazing?
- Yeah.

115
00:06:10.703 --> 00:06:12.796
Yeah, you look great.
You look awesome. Sorry.

116
00:06:12.839 --> 00:06:15.831
What am I even saying?
You look different and...

117
00:06:15.875 --> 00:06:19.470
- Kumar Patel, you're flustered.
- Little bit.

118
00:06:21.314 --> 00:06:25.808
So, what's up with you? You still dating
the Abercrombie-wearing douchebag?

119
00:06:25.852 --> 00:06:27.979
Actually, it's Brooks Brothers.

120
00:06:28.020 --> 00:06:30.989
Colton! How are you, buddy?

121
00:06:31.023 --> 00:06:32.615
- Good to see ya.
- Good to see you.

122
00:06:32.658 --> 00:06:34.421
And we're not dating anymore.

123
00:06:34.460 --> 00:06:36.826
No. We... are getting married.

124
00:06:37.763 --> 00:06:39.697
Congratulations, you guys.

125
00:06:39.732 --> 00:06:42.257
- You're fucking getting married?
- Yeah.

126
00:06:42.301 --> 00:06:45.236
- When?
- Next week.

127
00:06:45.972 --> 00:06:47.940
It's going to be a perfect day.

128
00:06:47.974 --> 00:06:50.408
I mean, that's assuming we get
those Stargazer lilies for the bouquets.

129
00:06:50.443 --> 00:06:52.434
This florist has been
a complete nightmare.

130
00:06:52.478 --> 00:06:54.378
Fucking assholes.

131
00:06:54.413 --> 00:06:57.177
Colton's practically planning
the whole wedding all by himself.

132
00:06:57.216 --> 00:07:00.481
So, Rold, Brewster Keegan letting you
off the leash for a little vay-cay?

133
00:07:00.520 --> 00:07:03.546
I own that place now, Colton.

134
00:07:03.589 --> 00:07:05.386
Thank you so much for the hook-up.

135
00:07:05.424 --> 00:07:08.791
Hey, I ran into Todd,
at Whitaker's, of course.

136
00:07:08.828 --> 00:07:11.296
He told me you got a job
working for the government.

137
00:07:11.330 --> 00:07:13.764
Yeah! Yeah, President Bush and my dad
were in the same fraternity.

138
00:07:13.799 --> 00:07:15.130
- Oh, that's right.
- Oh, Jesus.

139
00:07:15.167 --> 00:07:17.158
Yeah, yeah, when he gave my dad that
appointment at the Defense Department...

140
00:07:17.203 --> 00:07:19.296
- I became his right-hand man.
- Douche.

141
00:07:19.338 --> 00:07:20.498
The President's supposed to be
at our wedding...

142
00:07:20.540 --> 00:07:22.633
- but you know how busy he is.
- Yeah.

143
00:07:22.675 --> 00:07:24.472
Sounds like an incredible job, man.

144
00:07:24.510 --> 00:07:26.978
Hey, you really got
some major connections to the top.

145
00:07:27.013 --> 00:07:29.481
If you ever need anything, I'm your man.

146
00:07:29.515 --> 00:07:31.745
- Thank you so much, buddy.
- Anytime.

147
00:07:31.784 --> 00:07:33.513
This guy's the best.

148
00:07:33.553 --> 00:07:36.113
- So, sweetheart, we should get going.
- Yes.

149
00:07:36.155 --> 00:07:38.817
- Good to see you guys again.
- Congratulations again.

150
00:07:38.858 --> 00:07:41.224
- Thank you. Take care, thank you.
- It's so nice.

151
00:07:41.260 --> 00:07:42.750
- Bye.
- Bye.

152
00:07:56.876 --> 00:07:58.343
Dude, I can't believe
they're getting married.

153
00:07:58.377 --> 00:08:00.368
We've only been broken up two years.

154
00:08:01.047 --> 00:08:02.912
Plus that dude has date-rape face.

155
00:08:02.949 --> 00:08:05.042
I don't even know what that is.

156
00:08:05.084 --> 00:08:07.575
One who possesses
the face of a date rapist.

157
00:08:07.620 --> 00:08:10.919
Right. Listen...

158
00:08:10.957 --> 00:08:13.425
I'm sorry, bro.

159
00:08:13.459 --> 00:08:16.087
But we are going to Amsterdam.
Come on.

160
00:08:16.128 --> 00:08:19.291
This is true. This is true, Roldy.

161
00:08:19.332 --> 00:08:21.459
# Ooh wee #

162
00:08:25.104 --> 00:08:28.437
- Man, this is so not like me.
- Yeah.

163
00:08:28.474 --> 00:08:31.966
It's like I'm a whole new Harold.
Better, faster, stronger.

164
00:08:32.011 --> 00:08:33.672
Nice.

165
00:08:33.713 --> 00:08:34.771
Man, I've never used a sick day before.

166
00:08:34.814 --> 00:08:38.011
I'm taking a whole week off
from work here, man.

167
00:08:38.050 --> 00:08:41.816
And in less than eight hours,
we're gonna be in Amsterdam.

168
00:08:41.854 --> 00:08:44.345
- This is nuts. This is nuts.
- I know, dude.

169
00:08:44.390 --> 00:08:46.381
<i>It's gonna be exactly like Euro Trip,
only it's not gonna suck.</i>

170
00:08:46.425 --> 00:08:49.986
- It's gonna be awesome.
- It's not not gonna be awesome.

171
00:09:29.368 --> 00:09:32.735
Dude. Dude, this chick's giving me
such a boner, it's awesome.

172
00:09:32.772 --> 00:09:34.706
Thank you. You ruined the moment.

173
00:09:36.776 --> 00:09:38.243
She's all yours, buddy.

174
00:09:38.277 --> 00:09:40.177
- You wanna pause it?
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

175
00:09:40.212 --> 00:09:41.907
No, that's...

176
00:09:41.947 --> 00:09:43.608
Enjoy.

177
00:09:54.527 --> 00:09:56.256
Just a minute.

178
00:09:56.295 --> 00:09:57.762
Fuc...

179
00:09:57.797 --> 00:09:59.389
Hey, hey.

180
00:10:00.232 --> 00:10:01.426
Let me in.

181
00:10:03.035 --> 00:10:05.731
What are you doing?
I'm taking a piss, asshole!

182
00:10:05.771 --> 00:10:06.897
- Yeah.
- Yo!

183
00:10:06.939 --> 00:10:09.407
I'm not joining
the mile-high club with you.

184
00:10:09.442 --> 00:10:11.433
What about the really high club?

185
00:10:13.112 --> 00:10:14.773
- Are you retarded?
- No.

186
00:10:14.814 --> 00:10:16.714
You brought weed
on the fucking airplane?

187
00:10:16.749 --> 00:10:18.979
- Yep.
- What the fuck?

188
00:10:19.018 --> 00:10:20.986
Wait a second. You were giving
that security guard shit.

189
00:10:21.020 --> 00:10:23.011
Yeah. How else was I
supposed to get past him?

190
00:10:23.055 --> 00:10:25.819
By not bringing drugs on an airplane?

191
00:10:26.826 --> 00:10:29.727
- Look... What are you doing? What is this?
- You'll see.

192
00:10:38.270 --> 00:10:43.469
Harold Lee, I would like to introduce you
to an invention of mine.

193
00:10:43.509 --> 00:10:45.636
Meet the smokeless bong.

194
00:10:45.678 --> 00:10:48.579
- You made this?
- You know, I did.

195
00:10:48.614 --> 00:10:49.740
When you were slaving away at work...

196
00:10:49.782 --> 00:10:52.410
I was actually being
a productive member of society.

197
00:10:52.451 --> 00:10:56.615
- Yeah, that's really productive.
- Let me show you how it works.

198
00:10:56.655 --> 00:10:59.215
So you take a little weed...

199
00:11:00.226 --> 00:11:03.161
put it in the bowl right here and
light it just like a normal bong, OK?

200
00:11:03.195 --> 00:11:05.026
Now here's the truly genius part.

201
00:11:05.064 --> 00:11:10.661
Inside this mechanism, I have
actually made a little tiny, tiny fan...

202
00:11:10.703 --> 00:11:13.433
and some disinfectant powder, OK,
it works sort of like a deodorizer...

203
00:11:13.472 --> 00:11:16.270
so that anything it expunges
smells like Lysol.

204
00:11:16.308 --> 00:11:17.935
- Put it away.
- No, dude.

205
00:11:17.977 --> 00:11:19.968
Can you not wait
till we get to Amsterdam?

206
00:11:20.012 --> 00:11:22.674
It's the weed capital of the world!

207
00:11:24.150 --> 00:11:25.742
- No.
- Put the bong away!

208
00:11:25.785 --> 00:11:27.616
- Take the inaugural hit, dude.
- No!

209
00:11:27.653 --> 00:11:28.745
Come on, man.

210
00:11:28.788 --> 00:11:31.985
- Then I'm gonna do it.
- Put it away. Put the frickin' bong away.

211
00:11:35.895 --> 00:11:38.830
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Turb...

212
00:11:45.738 --> 00:11:48.138
Terrorist!

213
00:11:49.909 --> 00:11:51.171
Roldy?

214
00:11:51.210 --> 00:11:53.542
- What the fuck is that thing in his hands?
- No, ma'am, not a terrorist.

215
00:11:53.579 --> 00:11:56.446
- He's just an idiot.
- This is just a bong.

216
00:11:56.482 --> 00:11:58.950
He said he got a bomb!

217
00:12:00.853 --> 00:12:03.879
No, people,
it's a water pipe for tobacco.

218
00:12:03.923 --> 00:12:06.289
No, no, no, it's not a bomb. It's just a bong.

219
00:12:14.800 --> 00:12:17.325
Poison gas!

220
00:12:22.675 --> 00:12:25.735
It's marijuana! Marijuana!

221
00:12:25.778 --> 00:12:28.975
You picked the wrong plane,
you terrorist fuck!

222
00:12:29.014 --> 00:12:30.982
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?

223
00:12:32.518 --> 00:12:35.419
There are three air marshals
on board. Three!

224
00:12:35.454 --> 00:12:39.049
We are not terrorists!
Sir, that's a bong, not a bomb.

225
00:12:39.091 --> 00:12:40.888
Shut up!

226
00:12:41.894 --> 00:12:43.088
I got this one!

227
00:12:43.128 --> 00:12:44.459
- Roldy?
- Please don't!

228
00:12:44.496 --> 00:12:47.431
I am in a great amount of pain!

229
00:12:47.466 --> 00:12:51.664
Everybody relax. Just calm down.
Everything is under control.

230
00:12:51.704 --> 00:12:55.970
Tell 'em to turn the plane around. These
two assholes are goin' back to the U.S.

231
00:13:19.899 --> 00:13:23.494
Secretary Fox. Glad you could make it.

232
00:13:23.535 --> 00:13:26.527
Think I'd miss a terrorist attack
of this magnitude?

233
00:13:26.572 --> 00:13:28.802
Not a fuckin' chance.

234
00:13:32.912 --> 00:13:34.937
Who are these people?

235
00:13:34.980 --> 00:13:38.279
Representatives
of the different intelligence agencies.

236
00:13:38.317 --> 00:13:40.808
I assume
Secretary Whitmore's coming?

237
00:13:40.853 --> 00:13:45.552
Negative. He's on an ice fishing trip
in Glacier Bay.

238
00:13:45.591 --> 00:13:47.183
I'm in charge while he's gone.

239
00:13:47.226 --> 00:13:49.660
Well, shouldn't he be alerted?

240
00:13:49.695 --> 00:13:54.997
Isn't this issue of more importance
than an ice fishing trip?

241
00:14:00.239 --> 00:14:02.264
Who are you again?

242
00:14:02.308 --> 00:14:04.503
Dr. John Beecher,
Vice Chairman of the NSA.

243
00:14:04.543 --> 00:14:07.910
Yeah, well, listen, Dr... Dipshit.

244
00:14:08.714 --> 00:14:11.274
You've obviously
never been ice fishing before.

245
00:14:12.718 --> 00:14:16.916
- No, I haven't.
- Yeah, well, it's fucking exhilarating.

246
00:14:16.956 --> 00:14:20.653
The last thing anyone would want
while fishing for pike is to be interrupted.

247
00:14:20.693 --> 00:14:22.490
Now back off...

248
00:14:23.495 --> 00:14:25.861
and let me do my job.

249
00:14:38.277 --> 00:14:40.268
What's up with the guy
with the weird eyes?

250
00:14:40.312 --> 00:14:42.906
He handicapped or something?

251
00:14:42.948 --> 00:14:44.939
We believe he's of Korean descent.

252
00:14:48.554 --> 00:14:50.419
My God.

253
00:14:52.057 --> 00:14:55.549
North Korea and al-Qaeda
workin' together.

254
00:14:55.594 --> 00:14:57.357
This is bigger than I thought.

255
00:14:57.930 --> 00:14:59.898
You couldn't wait?

256
00:14:59.932 --> 00:15:02.628
You couldn't fucking wait?

257
00:15:02.668 --> 00:15:05.330
We were about to have
all the legal weed we wanted.

258
00:15:05.371 --> 00:15:08.636
You know, in Amsterdam,
where we were going!

259
00:15:26.759 --> 00:15:28.420
Thought you could
get away with this, huh?

260
00:15:32.431 --> 00:15:39.462
You thought that after 9/11
our national security was a joke, huh?

261
00:15:40.339 --> 00:15:41.931
Well...

262
00:15:44.877 --> 00:15:46.037
guess what?

263
00:15:47.012 --> 00:15:48.274
What?

264
00:15:50.115 --> 00:15:52.709
We knew you fuckers would be back.

265
00:15:52.751 --> 00:15:53.911
- Holy shit!
- But we're Americans, man.

266
00:15:53.952 --> 00:15:56.716
- We love America. We love America!
- Very much.

267
00:15:56.755 --> 00:15:58.484
That's a convenient thing to say...

268
00:15:58.524 --> 00:16:01.493
after you try and blow up a plane
filled with Americans!

269
00:16:01.527 --> 00:16:02.755
- No.
- No, we didn't do...

270
00:16:02.795 --> 00:16:05.320
No, you see, you have the wrong idea.

271
00:16:05.364 --> 00:16:07.195
My idiot friend here
brought marijuana...

272
00:16:07.232 --> 00:16:08.722
- on the plane.
- Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey.

273
00:16:08.767 --> 00:16:12.828
Zip it, Hello Kitty. OK? I know
your operation's funded through drugs.

274
00:16:12.871 --> 00:16:14.736
No. This is typical
government bullshit, sir. I...

275
00:16:14.773 --> 00:16:16.536
- Hey, hey, hey. Shut up. Shut up!
- I...

276
00:16:16.575 --> 00:16:20.443
- No, I'm trying to explain it! Harold!
- Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shut up!

277
00:16:22.748 --> 00:16:24.909
Do we have the right
to make a phone call?

278
00:16:26.085 --> 00:16:27.712
Yeah. Yeah!

279
00:16:27.753 --> 00:16:31.120
I'm sorry. You want rights now.

280
00:16:31.156 --> 00:16:33.818
You want freedoms right now.

281
00:16:33.859 --> 00:16:35.724
Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?

282
00:16:39.164 --> 00:16:41.257
- Guess what.
- What?

283
00:16:42.134 --> 00:16:47.231
Where you guys are going,
they have never even heard of rights.

284
00:16:48.440 --> 00:16:50.408
Well, where are we going?

285
00:16:57.683 --> 00:17:01.517
We're innocent men!
We're innocent men!

286
00:17:02.387 --> 00:17:04.355
I'm an innocent man.

287
00:17:04.923 --> 00:17:07.357
I donate blood.

288
00:17:07.392 --> 00:17:10.293
And toys for tots.

289
00:17:14.066 --> 00:17:16.694
And now I'm in Guantànamo Bay.

290
00:17:16.735 --> 00:17:18.828
See why I'm against paying taxes?

291
00:17:18.871 --> 00:17:20.634
Hey! Hey.

292
00:17:21.473 --> 00:17:22.804
Fuck you!

293
00:17:22.841 --> 00:17:24.809
Dude, calm down, OK?

294
00:17:24.843 --> 00:17:28.506
Look on the bright side.
There's a sink. There's a toilet.

295
00:17:28.547 --> 00:17:30.515
The pillow actually
looks pretty comfortable.

296
00:17:33.385 --> 00:17:36.047
OK. You don't speak to me, ever.

297
00:17:36.088 --> 00:17:37.350
- Ever.
- OK.

298
00:17:37.389 --> 00:17:39.619
- No! Shut up!
- OK.

299
00:17:42.194 --> 00:17:43.525
So what are you guys in here for?

300
00:17:45.631 --> 00:17:50.864
For giving the United States
a taste of their own medicine.

301
00:17:51.837 --> 00:17:55.967
- You guys are real terrorists?
- Some call us terrorists.

302
00:17:56.008 --> 00:17:58.340
Others call us heroes.

303
00:17:58.377 --> 00:18:01.972
Screw that. You think you guys
are heroes for killing innocent people?

304
00:18:02.014 --> 00:18:04.141
It's 'cause of assholes like you
that we're even in this fucking place...

305
00:18:04.183 --> 00:18:05.582
you fucking cowards!

306
00:18:05.617 --> 00:18:08.450
Well, maybe if the people in your country
stopped eating donuts...

307
00:18:08.487 --> 00:18:11.285
and started realizing what your
government is doing to the world...

308
00:18:11.323 --> 00:18:13.689
assholes like us wouldn't exist.

309
00:18:13.725 --> 00:18:16.592
- Fuck you! Donuts are awesome!
- They're delicious.

310
00:18:16.628 --> 00:18:17.925
You like donuts?

311
00:18:17.963 --> 00:18:21.194
Well, wait till you see
what they make you eat in here.

312
00:18:21.233 --> 00:18:23.394
- Yeah?
- What do they make you eat in here?

313
00:18:23.435 --> 00:18:25.027
I...

314
00:18:25.070 --> 00:18:27.766
Ever hear of a cockmeat sandwich?

315
00:18:28.607 --> 00:18:30.165
What's a cockmeat sandwich?

316
00:18:31.677 --> 00:18:32.871
You're about to find out.

317
00:18:35.514 --> 00:18:38.176
Right about now. Sucker.

318
00:18:41.420 --> 00:18:45.618
All right, cockmeat sandwich time.
You know the drill.

319
00:18:45.657 --> 00:18:48.353
What about them? They just got here!

320
00:18:51.263 --> 00:18:52.787
Big Bob's taking care of them.

321
00:18:52.831 --> 00:18:55.299
- Big Bob.
- Big Bob?

322
00:18:55.334 --> 00:18:57.700
I hope you like donuts.

323
00:18:57.736 --> 00:19:00.796
Let's go to work. Hey, listen, guys, enjoy.

324
00:19:03.175 --> 00:19:04.437
Holy shit.

325
00:19:04.476 --> 00:19:06.671
Oh, yeah, that's it.

326
00:19:07.646 --> 00:19:11.241
- This is not good.
- No, Kumar, it is not good.

327
00:19:11.283 --> 00:19:13.547
- I've never had to suck a dick before.
- Me neither.

328
00:19:13.585 --> 00:19:15.576
I bet it sucks dick.

329
00:19:17.522 --> 00:19:19.217
Shit, dude.

330
00:19:19.258 --> 00:19:21.226
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.

331
00:19:21.260 --> 00:19:24.388
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Come on.

332
00:19:24.429 --> 00:19:27.125
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.

333
00:19:27.165 --> 00:19:28.496
Please don't let it be Big Bob.

334
00:19:28.533 --> 00:19:30.398
- Please don't let it be Big Bob.
- I'm Big Bob.

335
00:19:30.435 --> 00:19:33.404
- Fuck.
- Yes, you are.

336
00:19:34.873 --> 00:19:36.898
You boys ready
for your cockmeat sandwich?

337
00:19:39.077 --> 00:19:40.066
No?

338
00:19:40.112 --> 00:19:42.012
Well, you better get hungry real fast...

339
00:19:42.047 --> 00:19:45.847
'cause I got a whole lot of sandwich
waitin' for ya.

340
00:19:46.785 --> 00:19:48.446
Holy shit!

341
00:19:48.487 --> 00:19:51.684
- All right, let's get goin'.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on, Big Bob...

342
00:19:51.723 --> 00:19:55.250
I got to ask you a question
before this all goes down.

343
00:19:55.294 --> 00:19:58.195
- All the guards in Guantànamo are gay?
- Fuck, no!

344
00:19:58.230 --> 00:20:00.824
Ain't nothing gay
about getting your dick sucked!

345
00:20:00.866 --> 00:20:03.699
You're the ones that's gay
for suckin' my dick!

346
00:20:03.735 --> 00:20:05.396
- What?
- In fact...

347
00:20:05.437 --> 00:20:08.964
creeps me out
just bein' around you fags.

348
00:20:09.007 --> 00:20:10.440
- But...
- All right.

349
00:20:10.475 --> 00:20:12.670
- Wait...
- Get down on your knees...

350
00:20:12.711 --> 00:20:14.406
- and open your mouths.
- Please, Big Bob.

351
00:20:14.446 --> 00:20:15.640
Why don't you just
kick our ass instead?

352
00:20:15.681 --> 00:20:17.876
- Get on your fucking knees!
- All right. All right.

353
00:20:17.916 --> 00:20:21.682
- All right, all right, all right, all right.
- You go first, dude.

354
00:20:21.720 --> 00:20:23.779
Hope you boys like extra mayo.

355
00:20:23.822 --> 00:20:26.552
- Jesus, Kumar.
- Oh, I hate you so much!

356
00:20:26.591 --> 00:20:28.024
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

357
00:20:28.060 --> 00:20:30.494
God, his dick smells like shit, dude.

358
00:20:35.233 --> 00:20:37.030
Holy shit!

359
00:20:38.337 --> 00:20:42.637
- What the hell happened?
- That terrorist fuck bit my dick!

360
00:20:47.746 --> 00:20:49.509
- Come on.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait a second!

361
00:20:49.548 --> 00:20:51.914
Should we?
What if they kill us out there?

362
00:20:51.950 --> 00:20:53.611
They're gonna fucking make us
suck their dicks if we don't.

363
00:20:53.652 --> 00:20:55.051
We're gonna die in here. Come on.

364
00:20:58.290 --> 00:21:00.383
- Fuck. Fuck.
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

365
00:21:00.959 --> 00:21:05.020
- Shit. Shit.
- Fuck. Fuck.

366
00:21:05.063 --> 00:21:07.031
- Oh, shit! Get out!
- Fuck!

367
00:21:07.065 --> 00:21:09.329
Oh, shit. Shit.

368
00:21:09.368 --> 00:21:10.858
Door, door.

369
00:21:16.108 --> 00:21:17.200
Look, look, look.

370
00:21:17.242 --> 00:21:18.869
What the fuck is he doing?

371
00:21:30.989 --> 00:21:34.152
We've got to go
now, now, now, now, now!

372
00:21:36.628 --> 00:21:38.596
It smells like burnt asshole.

373
00:21:42.100 --> 00:21:44.068
I can't fucking believe this.

374
00:21:46.138 --> 00:21:47.127
Fuck!

375
00:21:50.842 --> 00:21:52.309
My wrist is swelling, man!

376
00:21:52.344 --> 00:21:54.312
- Shut up.
- We're gonna die in a jungle!

377
00:21:54.346 --> 00:21:55.904
- Shut up!
- Fuck!

378
00:21:55.947 --> 00:21:59.781
Watch out for cheetahs!
This is cheetah turf.

379
00:22:01.019 --> 00:22:03.385
- What?
- OK. Fuck.

380
00:22:03.422 --> 00:22:04.912
We hit ocean.
What do we do now?

381
00:22:06.224 --> 00:22:08.454
All right.

382
00:22:08.493 --> 00:22:09.983
Hey, look, look!

383
00:22:14.199 --> 00:22:15.461
Excuse me.

384
00:22:16.802 --> 00:22:18.429
You guys going to America?

385
00:22:18.470 --> 00:22:19.698
<i>Sì, vamos.</i>

386
00:22:19.738 --> 00:22:21.638
Yes, we're going.

387
00:22:21.673 --> 00:22:23.140
Thank you.

388
00:22:23.175 --> 00:22:24.233
<i>- Es mìo.
- Vamos, vamos.</i>

389
00:22:24.309 --> 00:22:25.333
I'm telling you, Jorge...

390
00:22:25.377 --> 00:22:27.470
the first thing you have to do
when you get to America...

391
00:22:27.512 --> 00:22:30.413
buy a device called TiVo, OK?

392
00:22:30.449 --> 00:22:32.815
Freedom means nothing if you're
a slave to regular programming...

393
00:22:32.851 --> 00:22:34.284
I promise you that.

394
00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:36.287
And now, how about you focus?

395
00:22:36.321 --> 00:22:38.585
We gotta figure out what to do
when we get to the States.

396
00:22:38.623 --> 00:22:41.456
We don't have wallets. We don't
have any ID. We've got nothing.

397
00:22:41.493 --> 00:22:45.190
Well, I figure we're gonna land
somewhere around Miami, right?

398
00:22:45.230 --> 00:22:47.391
There's only one guy we know
who lives down there.

399
00:22:47.432 --> 00:22:49.866
- Who do we know that... Raza.
- Yeah.

400
00:22:49.901 --> 00:22:51.994
We gotta go see Raza.

401
00:22:53.004 --> 00:22:54.801
<i>- Adiòs.
- Hasta /uego.</i>

402
00:22:54.840 --> 00:22:57.775
- Thanks again.
- What nice people.

403
00:22:57.809 --> 00:23:00.175
Man, South Florida here we are.

404
00:23:00.212 --> 00:23:02.680
OK. So, now how do we get to Raza's?

405
00:23:02.714 --> 00:23:04.648
The professional way.
We walk. Let's go.

406
00:23:04.683 --> 00:23:06.150
- Walk?
- Yeah.

407
00:23:06.184 --> 00:23:08.175
So I guess Raza's...

408
00:23:08.220 --> 00:23:10.381
- We'll find it, we'll find it.
... thataway. Yeah.

409
00:23:10.422 --> 00:23:11.787
<i># Da/e asì, papi #</i>

410
00:23:11.857 --> 00:23:13.654
<i># Tòcame #</i>

411
00:23:14.626 --> 00:23:16.389
<i># Ay #</i>

412
00:23:16.428 --> 00:23:18.157
<i># Papi #</i>

413
00:23:18.196 --> 00:23:19.993
<i># Ay #</i>

414
00:23:20.031 --> 00:23:21.794
<i># Papi #</i>

415
00:23:21.833 --> 00:23:22.925
<i># Ay #</i>

416
00:23:22.968 --> 00:23:26.870
- Wow, Raza's place is pretty sweet.
- Kinda ghetto for Miami.

417
00:23:26.905 --> 00:23:27.963
<i># Para abajo #</i>

418
00:23:28.006 --> 00:23:30.406
<i># Toca, toca, toca, toca, toca #</i>

419
00:23:33.912 --> 00:23:35.243
- Hi.
- Hey.

420
00:23:38.283 --> 00:23:40.774
Y'all aren't here to complain
about the noise, are you?

421
00:23:41.620 --> 00:23:44.919
No. We're not...
here to complain about the noise.

422
00:23:44.956 --> 00:23:47.481
We're...

423
00:23:50.095 --> 00:23:51.255
We are here to see...

424
00:23:51.296 --> 00:23:53.594
- What is his name? We're here...
- Vagina.

425
00:23:53.632 --> 00:23:56.999
No, we're here to see Raza.

426
00:23:57.035 --> 00:23:59.265
OK. Follow me.

427
00:23:59.304 --> 00:24:00.862
Thank you, ma'am.

428
00:24:01.506 --> 00:24:04.373
We'll follow... you, I guess.

429
00:24:04.409 --> 00:24:06.206
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #

430
00:24:06.244 --> 00:24:08.109
# She got it, she got it #

431
00:24:08.146 --> 00:24:09.613
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #

432
00:24:09.648 --> 00:24:11.639
# She said, "Boy, go ahead" #

433
00:24:11.683 --> 00:24:13.674
# As long as I don't touch it #

434
00:24:13.718 --> 00:24:17.415
# I said, "Now, why the hell
would I wanna interrupt it?" #

435
00:24:17.455 --> 00:24:18.444
Hey.

436
00:24:19.224 --> 00:24:21.385
- Very patriotic of you.
- Thank you.

437
00:24:22.561 --> 00:24:24.529
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

438
00:24:26.731 --> 00:24:28.995
- Hey, Raza!
- What?

439
00:24:29.034 --> 00:24:30.262
What's up?

440
00:24:30.302 --> 00:24:31.633
- Kumar and Roldy?
- What's up, man?

441
00:24:31.670 --> 00:24:34.298
I haven't seen you guys
since graduation.

442
00:24:34.339 --> 00:24:35.897
What are you guys doing here?

443
00:24:35.941 --> 00:24:38.603
Wait, what's up
with the orange jumpsuits?

444
00:24:38.643 --> 00:24:40.110
- Hey, no, no, question number one...
- It's kind of a long story. I...

445
00:24:40.145 --> 00:24:41.806
...what's up with this party?
- What do you mean?

446
00:24:41.846 --> 00:24:44.314
There's exposed vagina
all over your house.

447
00:24:44.349 --> 00:24:46.715
Yeah. That was my idea.

448
00:24:46.751 --> 00:24:50.414
I don't know about you guys,
I'm sick of all the hype over topless.

449
00:24:50.455 --> 00:24:52.855
Really? I always liked toplessness.
That's...

450
00:24:52.891 --> 00:24:53.880
- That's just me.
- Yeah? Well, I'm starting...

451
00:24:53.925 --> 00:24:57.520
the bottomless trend.
Hence, the bottomless party.

452
00:24:57.562 --> 00:24:58.551
So what are you guys doing
in South Beach?

453
00:24:58.597 --> 00:25:00.690
How about you answer that question?
I'm gonna go check this out.

454
00:25:00.732 --> 00:25:02.461
- Where are you going?
- Bang bang, buddy.

455
00:25:02.500 --> 00:25:04.832
Listen. I'm really sorry
to bother you with this.

456
00:25:04.869 --> 00:25:06.530
- You all right?
- Not really.

457
00:25:09.307 --> 00:25:12.640
They were locked up for less than
an hour, and they already escaped?

458
00:25:12.677 --> 00:25:15.510
Damn it. Make sure the press
doesn't get wind of this.

459
00:25:15.547 --> 00:25:17.515
Don't need the public thinking
we're some two-bit operation.

460
00:25:17.549 --> 00:25:18.538
Got it, sir.

461
00:25:18.583 --> 00:25:20.448
It must have been either al-Qaeda
or North Korea who broke 'em up.

462
00:25:20.485 --> 00:25:22.077
Find out if they have
any relatives in the country.

463
00:25:22.120 --> 00:25:25.146
You probably should have
done that in the first place.

464
00:25:30.128 --> 00:25:34.997
Do you have a problem with the way
I'm running the show, Beecher?

465
00:25:35.033 --> 00:25:37.365
I'm just saying that...

466
00:25:37.402 --> 00:25:41.236
I've looked through the files
on Harold Lee and Kumar Patel.

467
00:25:41.272 --> 00:25:42.830
They were both born
and raised in New Jersey.

468
00:25:42.874 --> 00:25:44.705
Other than a couple of traffic tickets,
they're clean.

469
00:25:44.743 --> 00:25:47.075
Right. That's why
they just broke out of prison.

470
00:25:47.112 --> 00:25:49.979
But they... It's not even clear that they
should have been there in the first place.

471
00:25:50.015 --> 00:25:52.006
Shut your...

472
00:25:58.990 --> 00:26:00.855
You see this cute, little white girl,
Beecher?

473
00:26:00.892 --> 00:26:02.223
Yeah.

474
00:26:02.260 --> 00:26:06.196
Do you want her to get raped
and murdered?

475
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:08.588
Of course not.

476
00:26:08.633 --> 00:26:11.363
You sure? 'Cause this is America.

477
00:26:11.936 --> 00:26:15.633
- Do you want to rape America?
- No.

478
00:26:15.674 --> 00:26:19.110
Then stop fucking with me.

479
00:26:23.014 --> 00:26:24.481
This is serious.

480
00:26:25.517 --> 00:26:27.417
She's adorable.

481
00:26:29.587 --> 00:26:31.316
So you guys are fucking fugitives?

482
00:26:31.356 --> 00:26:33.586
It's just it's Kumar's fault.

483
00:26:33.625 --> 00:26:35.525
If we get out of this...

484
00:26:35.560 --> 00:26:38.927
the chances of us remaining friends
is highly...

485
00:26:38.963 --> 00:26:40.157
highly... boobies. Yeah.

486
00:26:40.198 --> 00:26:42.223
Hey, what do you think you're doing?

487
00:26:42.267 --> 00:26:44.735
Put that back on. And keep it on.

488
00:26:44.769 --> 00:26:46.896
- Sorry.
- Fuckin' party do you think this is?

489
00:26:46.938 --> 00:26:49.031
Yo. What are you guys talking about?

490
00:26:49.074 --> 00:26:51.099
Roldy was just letting me
in on your situation.

491
00:26:51.142 --> 00:26:53.076
- Yeah?
- Thanks for getting me involved.

492
00:26:53.111 --> 00:26:55.045
What about that fuckin' time
we had to cover for you...

493
00:26:55.080 --> 00:26:56.843
lie to your ex-girlfriend
about how you got crabs?

494
00:26:56.881 --> 00:26:58.041
You owe us, man.

495
00:26:58.083 --> 00:26:59.380
- Yeah, that's right.
- What?

496
00:26:59.417 --> 00:27:01.578
- OK, that was a long time ago.
- I love crabs.

497
00:27:01.619 --> 00:27:03.416
Speaking of ex-girlfriends...

498
00:27:03.455 --> 00:27:05.184
isn't yours getting married
or something?

499
00:27:05.223 --> 00:27:07.157
How does everybody know about this
except for me?

500
00:27:07.192 --> 00:27:08.625
Wait.

501
00:27:09.661 --> 00:27:11.788
Colton! Colton Graham can help us out.

502
00:27:11.830 --> 00:27:13.195
- No! Fuck that!
- Yes!

503
00:27:13.231 --> 00:27:15.927
No doubt. If anyone could
clear your names, it's him.

504
00:27:15.967 --> 00:27:17.662
No, I'm sorry.
That dickweed is not helping us.

505
00:27:17.702 --> 00:27:19.636
Wait a second.
Do you have his contact info?

506
00:27:19.671 --> 00:27:23.698
Not anymore. But the wedding is
at his family's estate in Hewitt, Texas.

507
00:27:24.275 --> 00:27:26.266
But you don't want to bother them
when they're doing their whole...

508
00:27:26.311 --> 00:27:28.336
wedding thing, right?

509
00:27:30.248 --> 00:27:33.183
You know,
that actually might be our only hope.

510
00:27:33.218 --> 00:27:36.483
Fuck! How do we get there? We can't
go to the airport. They're looking for us.

511
00:27:36.521 --> 00:27:38.113
- I'll loan you one of my cars.
- Really?

512
00:27:38.156 --> 00:27:41.887
But first... y'all got to get
in the spirit of the party.

513
00:27:41.926 --> 00:27:45.123
- What do you mean, spirit of...
- What do you think I mean?

514
00:27:45.930 --> 00:27:49.024
- What about you?
- Me? I've been in the spirit.

515
00:27:50.335 --> 00:27:52.098
- Oh, God!
- Oh, my God, dude!

516
00:27:52.137 --> 00:27:53.365
Oh, my God!

517
00:27:53.404 --> 00:27:55.235
- Love your dickdo, Raza.
- Yeah. Drink it in.

518
00:27:55.273 --> 00:27:58.470
- What the fuck?
- That looks like Osama bin Laden's beard.

519
00:27:58.510 --> 00:28:00.740
I know, right? All right, boys.

520
00:28:00.779 --> 00:28:02.542
Your turn. Let 'em dangle.

521
00:28:04.048 --> 00:28:06.016
- Let's just do it.
- Bring it.

522
00:28:06.050 --> 00:28:08.177
Count of three?

523
00:28:08.219 --> 00:28:09.914
One.

524
00:28:09.954 --> 00:28:11.444
Two, three.

525
00:28:13.792 --> 00:28:16.056
Your cocks are awesome, man!

526
00:28:16.094 --> 00:28:18.426
That's not even necessary.

527
00:28:18.463 --> 00:28:20.590
- Would you please...
- Oh, my dick!

528
00:28:20.632 --> 00:28:22.827
# My dick cost a late-night fee #

529
00:28:22.867 --> 00:28:24.994
# Your dick got the HIV #

530
00:28:25.036 --> 00:28:27.596
# My dick plays on
the double feature screen #

531
00:28:27.639 --> 00:28:29.937
# Your dick went straight to DVD #

532
00:28:29.974 --> 00:28:32.534
# My dick bigger than a bridge #

533
00:28:32.577 --> 00:28:34.875
# Your dick look like a little kid's #

534
00:28:34.913 --> 00:28:37.814
# My dick large like the Chargers,
the whole team #

535
00:28:37.849 --> 00:28:39.612
# Your shit look like you 14 #

536
00:28:39.651 --> 00:28:42.085
# My dick locked in a cage, right #

537
00:28:42.120 --> 00:28:44.247
# Your dick suffer from stage fright #

538
00:28:44.289 --> 00:28:46.917
# My dick so hot it's stolen #

539
00:28:46.958 --> 00:28:49.449
# Your dick look like Gary Coleman #

540
00:28:49.494 --> 00:28:51.985
# My dick pink and big #

541
00:28:52.030 --> 00:28:56.228
- This car is frickin' sweet.
- Yeah, yeah, it's sweet.

542
00:28:56.267 --> 00:28:57.791
'Cause we're fugitives.

543
00:28:57.836 --> 00:29:00.828
Driving a yellow convertible
with the top down, dressed like assholes!

544
00:29:00.872 --> 00:29:03.864
Yo. Yo. Yo, look, he has
one of these things.

545
00:29:03.908 --> 00:29:05.899
- Would you put that down?
- No, you can hook up to the Internet.

546
00:29:05.944 --> 00:29:08.606
<i>You can play Mike Tyson's Punch-Out/
on it. King Hippo's going down.</i>

547
00:29:08.646 --> 00:29:10.511
Put that away. Put that away.

548
00:29:10.548 --> 00:29:14.348
I can't believe you can even think about
playing games at a time like this, man.

549
00:29:14.385 --> 00:29:17.013
You realize what would happen
if our parents found out about this?

550
00:29:17.589 --> 00:29:20.422
You have sent our sons
to Guantànamo Bay?

551
00:29:20.458 --> 00:29:22.619
This is an outrage!

552
00:29:23.328 --> 00:29:26.627
You Arabs think you can just mix in
with our peaceful society...

553
00:29:26.664 --> 00:29:27.824
and we're not gonna find you, huh?

554
00:29:27.866 --> 00:29:30.300
I am not Arab! I am Indian!

555
00:29:30.335 --> 00:29:34.829
Look, Chief. I'm not here to argue
seblantics with you, OK?

556
00:29:34.873 --> 00:29:36.932
I'm here to save lives.

557
00:29:36.975 --> 00:29:40.069
Ask the Lees what they know
about their son's terrorist activity.

558
00:29:49.821 --> 00:29:53.689
Look, we have been American citizens
for over 40 years.

559
00:29:53.725 --> 00:29:57.217
Now, frankly, I find this very offensive.

560
00:29:59.364 --> 00:30:03.767
They're using some sort of dialect
I've never heard before.

561
00:30:03.801 --> 00:30:06.964
But I'm pretty sure he said something
about going on the offensive.

562
00:30:08.840 --> 00:30:12.105
Tell them we know
what their son is up to...

563
00:30:12.143 --> 00:30:15.010
and if they don't cooperate,
he could be sentenced to death.

564
00:30:16.614 --> 00:30:18.809
Hit 'em. Yeah.

565
00:30:22.787 --> 00:30:24.721
We know what he said!

566
00:30:24.756 --> 00:30:27.748
Sir, Harold and Kumar are good boys.

567
00:30:31.429 --> 00:30:33.659
I'm a pretty good translator.

568
00:30:33.698 --> 00:30:35.461
It's total gibberish.

569
00:30:37.235 --> 00:30:38.725
They may be trying to stonewall us.

570
00:30:39.604 --> 00:30:41.936
Are you sure you speak Korean, Jack?

571
00:30:41.973 --> 00:30:42.962
You speak Korean?

572
00:30:43.007 --> 00:30:44.804
You're not fucking with Daddy, are you?

573
00:30:44.842 --> 00:30:48.903
Do you have a masters
in romantic Korean literature?

574
00:30:48.947 --> 00:30:50.972
Because I do...

575
00:30:51.015 --> 00:30:52.573
and I'm offended.

576
00:30:53.785 --> 00:30:54.774
Good enough for me.

577
00:30:55.720 --> 00:30:57.847
Look, excuse me...

578
00:30:57.889 --> 00:31:00.255
we're not looking to hurt your sons...

579
00:31:00.291 --> 00:31:02.691
we just wanna know where they are.

580
00:31:02.727 --> 00:31:04.922
Do you know if they know anybody
in Florida?

581
00:31:06.097 --> 00:31:09.430
Their friend Raza Syed lives in Miami.

582
00:31:10.034 --> 00:31:11.501
But why would they be there?

583
00:31:11.536 --> 00:31:13.299
He's supposed to be in medical school.

584
00:31:13.338 --> 00:31:18.503
They are supposed to be in prison!
That is where terrorists belong!

585
00:31:21.145 --> 00:31:23.705
These fuckers are goin' down.

586
00:31:23.748 --> 00:31:25.648
Dead. Or alive.

587
00:31:25.683 --> 00:31:28.982
Tell them that in your fake
ching-chong language.

588
00:31:31.122 --> 00:31:32.487
Shut up! You're an idiot.

589
00:31:34.058 --> 00:31:37.118
I don't know what you're saying, buddy...

590
00:31:37.161 --> 00:31:38.150
but fuck you.

591
00:31:38.196 --> 00:31:39.288
- Fuck me?
- Will you let him talk to you like that?

592
00:31:39.330 --> 00:31:41.525
- Listen, no, sit down.
- Fuck me?

593
00:31:49.507 --> 00:31:51.702
Hey, look, man, we're in Alabama.

594
00:31:52.877 --> 00:31:55.141
Wow, we actually get a first-hand look
at the South, huh?

595
00:31:55.179 --> 00:31:58.740
Hey, this wasn't supposed to be a trip
through the South, OK?

596
00:31:58.783 --> 00:32:01.274
This was supposed to be
the most romantic week of my life.

597
00:32:01.319 --> 00:32:04.015
Remember that? Before you
fucked it up? You remember that?

598
00:32:04.055 --> 00:32:06.250
Just chill, OK?
We'll be out of this situation.

599
00:32:06.290 --> 00:32:09.487
You'll be up in Maria's guts
in no time, all right?

600
00:32:09.527 --> 00:32:13.486
Hey. She's not some skank, man.

601
00:32:13.531 --> 00:32:17.729
I've never felt this way
about anyone before, really.

602
00:32:19.037 --> 00:32:21.369
What the fuck?
Why am I talking to you about this?

603
00:32:21.406 --> 00:32:23.704
It's not like you would understand, so...

604
00:32:34.685 --> 00:32:36.846
# I want to be happy #

605
00:32:38.122 --> 00:32:40.682
# I want to be happy, just like... #

606
00:32:40.725 --> 00:32:44.786
Excuse me, please.
Will you turn that off? This is a library.

607
00:32:47.365 --> 00:32:49.196
What a fucking chode.

608
00:32:49.233 --> 00:32:51.224
Thank you, come again!

609
00:32:57.575 --> 00:32:59.702
- What the fuck?!
- Oh, my God.

610
00:32:59.744 --> 00:33:01.336
You know, the whole reason
people come to the stacks...

611
00:33:01.379 --> 00:33:03.904
is for some peace and...

612
00:33:04.916 --> 00:33:06.474
quiet.

613
00:33:06.517 --> 00:33:09.350
Look, I know, I'm sorry. I hate it
when people disturb me here too.

614
00:33:09.387 --> 00:33:12.515
It's just this fucking calculus final
is killing me.

615
00:33:14.058 --> 00:33:17.960
- Do you mind if I take a look?
- No.

616
00:33:17.995 --> 00:33:22.125
- You're actually very close. May I?
- Yeah.

617
00:33:22.166 --> 00:33:23.963
Excuse me.

618
00:33:28.539 --> 00:33:30.734
I touched your breast.

619
00:33:30.775 --> 00:33:33.243
- It's OK.
- Sorry.

620
00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:37.848
You just go...

621
00:33:39.884 --> 00:33:42.785
Wow. You're good at this.

622
00:33:42.820 --> 00:33:44.082
Thanks.

623
00:33:44.122 --> 00:33:46.818
What did you, like, take calculus
in high school or something?

624
00:33:46.858 --> 00:33:49.850
Actually, my dad taught it to me
in sixth grade.

625
00:33:49.894 --> 00:33:52.419
What, are you like Doogie Howser?

626
00:33:52.463 --> 00:33:55.694
No. Although that would be incredible.
He's my hero.

627
00:33:55.733 --> 00:33:58.224
I love that show.

628
00:33:59.704 --> 00:34:00.864
What are you working on there?

629
00:34:00.905 --> 00:34:03.806
This is just a poem
for my creative writing class.

630
00:34:03.841 --> 00:34:06.173
It's like...

631
00:34:06.210 --> 00:34:08.007
<i>- "The Square Root Of Three"?
- No, no, I'm sorry...</i>

632
00:34:08.045 --> 00:34:10.843
- "A poem of love by Kumar Patel. "
- I need this.

633
00:34:10.882 --> 00:34:12.941
- Hey, let me read it.
- No, no.

634
00:34:12.984 --> 00:34:15.214
- Why?
- Because it's lame.

635
00:34:15.253 --> 00:34:16.277
Then read it to me.

636
00:34:16.320 --> 00:34:20.313
There's no way I'm letting you see me
in that light. Good luck with your calculus.

637
00:34:21.359 --> 00:34:25.728
Come on, don't be embarrassed. You
know, a lot of girls find intelligence sexy.

638
00:34:25.763 --> 00:34:28.755
Look, I'm not even gonna be
showing this to my professor, all right?

639
00:34:28.799 --> 00:34:30.994
That's why I'm so stressed out
right now.

640
00:34:31.035 --> 00:34:33.265
Stressed out, huh?

641
00:34:33.304 --> 00:34:35.204
Come with me.

642
00:34:36.407 --> 00:34:38.739
...going?
- Come on.

643
00:34:40.912 --> 00:34:42.504
What?

644
00:34:47.852 --> 00:34:51.845
You're smoking drugs in the library?
What if somebody catches us?

645
00:34:52.490 --> 00:34:55.118
Don't worry. It'll help you relax.

646
00:34:55.159 --> 00:34:57.627
Oh, boy.

647
00:34:57.662 --> 00:35:00.130
It's illegal.

648
00:35:00.164 --> 00:35:04.897
# I want your fish right by me #

649
00:35:05.503 --> 00:35:08.404
# That's how it has to be #

650
00:35:08.439 --> 00:35:09.633
Here.

651
00:35:09.674 --> 00:35:12.268
#... copacetic if you let it so set up #

652
00:35:12.310 --> 00:35:15.939
# And keep the downstream down
and the upstream up #

653
00:35:17.815 --> 00:35:19.544
This is poison.

654
00:35:19.584 --> 00:35:21.484
# My stoney, my baby #

655
00:35:21.519 --> 00:35:23.180
Let me help you.

656
00:35:23.221 --> 00:35:25.917
# Funk the groovin' thang whistlin' #

657
00:35:25.957 --> 00:35:27.584
# As I rip my rhymes #

658
00:35:27.625 --> 00:35:30.185
# Time and time again struttin'
and in the summertime #

659
00:35:30.228 --> 00:35:32.423
# So screw it,
strip down and be generic #

660
00:35:32.463 --> 00:35:34.897
# Strip down and be a passenger
Strip down and be a messenger #

661
00:35:34.932 --> 00:35:37.560
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up blank in the winter #

662
00:35:37.602 --> 00:35:40.230
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up on when I'm on her #

663
00:35:40.271 --> 00:35:42.466
# It's time to find the kind #
# My summer, his summer #

664
00:35:42.506 --> 00:35:44.098
I'm Kumar.

665
00:35:45.743 --> 00:35:47.040
Vanessa.

666
00:35:47.078 --> 00:35:49.444
You're still not reading that poem.

667
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:53.439
# And then I kiss my stoney baby #

668
00:35:53.484 --> 00:35:55.782
# My stoney, my stoney #

669
00:35:55.820 --> 00:35:58.118
# My stoney baby #

670
00:35:58.155 --> 00:36:00.715
# My stoney #

671
00:36:00.758 --> 00:36:02.783
# My stoney baby #

672
00:36:03.461 --> 00:36:04.723
Kumar.

673
00:36:05.763 --> 00:36:08.891
# My stoney baby #

674
00:36:08.933 --> 00:36:09.922
Kumar.

675
00:36:09.967 --> 00:36:11.798
Kumar. Kumar.

676
00:36:11.969 --> 00:36:14.170
- Kumar.
- Yeah.

677
00:36:14.205 --> 00:36:17.470
What's going on? We're in Birmingham,
Alabama. Are we supposed to be here?

678
00:36:17.508 --> 00:36:19.669
What's going on?

679
00:36:19.710 --> 00:36:21.837
- Why did you bring us here, dude?
- What do you mean, why did I...

680
00:36:21.879 --> 00:36:25.144
You were supposed to be following the
directions, asshole. What do you mean?

681
00:36:25.182 --> 00:36:27.776
There's got to be like a highway
or something, right?

682
00:36:27.818 --> 00:36:30.116
Yeah, there's got to be a highway.

683
00:36:31.055 --> 00:36:32.920
What's going on up there?

684
00:36:32.957 --> 00:36:34.322
# Squad up #

685
00:36:34.358 --> 00:36:35.985
# My niggas #

686
00:36:36.027 --> 00:36:37.927
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck... #

687
00:36:37.962 --> 00:36:40.430
What the hell is this?

688
00:36:40.464 --> 00:36:41.556
# We knock these niggas out #

689
00:36:41.599 --> 00:36:43.658
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck you wanna do? #

690
00:36:43.701 --> 00:36:46.363
- I'm turning around.
- Nah, just go through, man.

691
00:36:47.171 --> 00:36:49.071
Dude, we're not driving
through this basketball game.

692
00:36:49.106 --> 00:36:51.734
You know, Roldy, I really thought
you were bigger than this.

693
00:36:51.776 --> 00:36:54.108
Dude, I'm not scared
'cause they're black.

694
00:36:54.145 --> 00:36:55.407
I'm scared because they're scary.

695
00:36:55.446 --> 00:36:57.812
And it's not like we got
Gregory Hines out there.

696
00:36:57.848 --> 00:36:58.837
They're not that scary.

697
00:37:00.584 --> 00:37:03.144
It's my ball!

698
00:37:03.187 --> 00:37:04.654
Turn around.

699
00:37:04.689 --> 00:37:07.658
# Rob this motherfucker,
drop his punk ass in a ditch #

700
00:37:07.692 --> 00:37:10.593
# Drag this pussy nigga,
slap his ass up like a bitch #

701
00:37:10.628 --> 00:37:12.186
# My niggas is my niggas
'cause my niggas... #

702
00:37:12.229 --> 00:37:14.561
- Fuck! It won't move!
- Shit, dude.

703
00:37:14.598 --> 00:37:16.065
# Shoot him dead between his lips #

704
00:37:16.100 --> 00:37:17.192
# I see some pussy... #

705
00:37:18.202 --> 00:37:19.726
- That's not good.
- Now there's no music, man.

706
00:37:19.770 --> 00:37:21.362
Shit, man.

707
00:37:21.405 --> 00:37:24.340
- Motherfucker!
- My Jordans, nigga!

708
00:37:24.375 --> 00:37:26.240
- Shit, this isn't good.
- This is not good. This is not good.

709
00:37:27.578 --> 00:37:29.808
No. No. No.

710
00:37:29.847 --> 00:37:31.371
They're coming over here.

711
00:37:32.083 --> 00:37:36.349
- Fucking shit. Why did you do that?
- Yeah, I hit a fire hydrant on purpose.

712
00:37:37.355 --> 00:37:39.755
They're getting weapons, man.

713
00:37:39.790 --> 00:37:41.223
All right, what do we do?
What do we do?

714
00:37:41.258 --> 00:37:43.556
Run, run, run. Run, run.

715
00:37:48.966 --> 00:37:51.730
Yo. Yo.

716
00:37:52.636 --> 00:37:55.537
- Where y'all going? Damn!
- We was just trying to help.

717
00:37:55.573 --> 00:37:59.737
Man, somebody call the police.
We need to report this.

718
00:38:13.958 --> 00:38:18.452
- Yeah, that's right. You like the ride?
- Fuck you, man.

719
00:38:18.496 --> 00:38:23.126
They abandoned it last night.
It's registered to a Raza Syed.

720
00:38:23.167 --> 00:38:25.658
The witnesses' description
of the driver and passenger...

721
00:38:25.703 --> 00:38:28.536
match that of Lee and Patel.

722
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:33.901
We tried bringing in Syed last night,
but he's already left the country.

723
00:38:35.079 --> 00:38:37.980
Well, they know we're closing in on 'em,
that's why.

724
00:38:38.015 --> 00:38:40.609
OK. No, I'll give you a call. All right.

725
00:38:42.353 --> 00:38:44.446
No, no, no, no!

726
00:38:44.488 --> 00:38:45.819
- Holy shit!
- Easy, easy!

727
00:38:45.856 --> 00:38:47.653
- Easy.
- Easy!

728
00:38:47.691 --> 00:38:49.420
This is our witness.

729
00:38:49.460 --> 00:38:51.325
Put it down! Yo, put it down!

730
00:38:51.362 --> 00:38:52.488
You all know I got one!

731
00:38:52.530 --> 00:38:54.191
I got one too!

732
00:38:56.534 --> 00:39:00.766
So, you saw the fugitives, huh?

733
00:39:00.805 --> 00:39:03.365
Yeah. It was like
I was telling the Sheriff...

734
00:39:03.407 --> 00:39:07.343
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do I know you're telling the truth?

735
00:39:07.378 --> 00:39:09.243
I don't have a reason
to lie to you, man.

736
00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:10.645
Really?

737
00:39:10.681 --> 00:39:13.479
- Get up in your face, man.
- We'll see.

738
00:39:13.517 --> 00:39:15.348
That ain't right.

739
00:39:15.386 --> 00:39:17.320
Where's he going?

740
00:39:19.056 --> 00:39:20.751
What's going on?

741
00:39:24.495 --> 00:39:25.484
Hell no!

742
00:39:25.529 --> 00:39:27.861
Now why don't you tell me
what really happened?

743
00:39:27.898 --> 00:39:29.763
Is that grape soda?

744
00:39:29.800 --> 00:39:31.665
What the fuck, yo?

745
00:39:34.572 --> 00:39:36.767
- All right.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on!

746
00:39:36.807 --> 00:39:38.240
This is so ignorant.

747
00:39:38.275 --> 00:39:40.266
- Really?
- Yes.

748
00:39:40.311 --> 00:39:42.279
Is this ignorant?

749
00:39:42.313 --> 00:39:44.804
Yo, that's racist, man. That's racist.

750
00:39:44.849 --> 00:39:46.976
Hey, Jon, are you gonna let him do that?

751
00:39:47.751 --> 00:39:50.049
See if he got Kool-Aid.

752
00:39:50.087 --> 00:39:51.987
Almost gone, witness.

753
00:39:52.022 --> 00:39:53.956
Sure there's not something
you wanna tell me?

754
00:39:53.991 --> 00:39:55.891
I'm not stoppin' until you crack!

755
00:39:55.926 --> 00:39:57.018
I already told you
that they took off runnin'!

756
00:39:57.061 --> 00:39:58.392
All right, all right, all right.

757
00:39:58.429 --> 00:40:01.125
This isn't necessary!
Mr. White is telling you the truth!

758
00:40:01.165 --> 00:40:03.725
Yeah, and how can you be
so sure, Beecher?

759
00:40:03.767 --> 00:40:07.203
'Cause he doesn't have a police record.
He's an orthodontist, for Christ's sake.

760
00:40:09.273 --> 00:40:13.539
OK, then, Beech. How do you
propose we find the terrorists, huh?

761
00:40:14.378 --> 00:40:17.245
There was a Nokia 7710
taken from the console.

762
00:40:17.281 --> 00:40:18.543
We have its tracking numbers.

763
00:40:18.582 --> 00:40:21.710
Our satellites are running a trace on it,
as we speak.

764
00:40:21.752 --> 00:40:23.811
I'm serious about that Kool-Aid.

765
00:40:23.854 --> 00:40:25.082
What's going on? Where are you?

766
00:40:25.122 --> 00:40:26.521
Dude, that is a fucking long story.

767
00:40:26.557 --> 00:40:29.549
We're actually in Alabama right now,
heading to Texas.

768
00:40:31.095 --> 00:40:33.188
What is that sound? Are you jerking off
again? What are you doing?

769
00:40:33.230 --> 00:40:35.528
I'm taking a glorious pee-pee.

770
00:40:35.566 --> 00:40:37.625
Hey, listen, you're not gonna believe this...

771
00:40:37.668 --> 00:40:40.296
but the other night,
I ended up at that Asian party...

772
00:40:40.337 --> 00:40:42.897
and I schtupped Cindy Kim.

773
00:40:42.940 --> 00:40:44.908
Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?

774
00:40:44.942 --> 00:40:47.069
Yeah, man,
she even gave me a blumpkin.

775
00:40:47.111 --> 00:40:48.373
What is a blumpkin?

776
00:40:48.412 --> 00:40:51.506
It's when a girl gives you head while
you're sitting on the toilet takin' a shit.

777
00:40:51.549 --> 00:40:53.176
Really?

778
00:40:53.217 --> 00:40:55.777
- Hello?
- Hey. Hey! What are you doing?

779
00:40:55.819 --> 00:40:58.344
Hello? Come, come?

780
00:41:00.124 --> 00:41:01.557
Did you go?

781
00:41:01.592 --> 00:41:03.059
Yeah, I'm done.

782
00:41:03.093 --> 00:41:06.028
You said to me we were gonna
cross swords. You promised.

783
00:41:06.063 --> 00:41:07.860
I'm sorry, sweetheart.

784
00:41:08.899 --> 00:41:12.528
Are you talking on a cellphone
when the government is looking for us?

785
00:41:12.570 --> 00:41:15.061
Dude, it was just Goldstein.
I had something important to tell him.

786
00:41:15.105 --> 00:41:16.868
It's 'cause you had something...
That's good, that's OK.

787
00:41:16.907 --> 00:41:22.470
Nothing is more important
than finding a way to get to Texas.

788
00:41:22.513 --> 00:41:23.502
- Do you get it?
- Yes.

789
00:41:23.547 --> 00:41:27.950
We've been walking an entire day
and we have not seen a street sign.

790
00:41:27.985 --> 00:41:29.111
Do you get it?

791
00:41:29.153 --> 00:41:32.418
- Can I say...
- Again. This is... I can't.

792
00:41:32.456 --> 00:41:33.650
Dude, honestly...

793
00:41:33.691 --> 00:41:37.058
you've got to be a little more positive
about these things, all right?

794
00:41:37.094 --> 00:41:40.359
- Yeah?
- Positive about what? I don't...

795
00:41:40.397 --> 00:41:43.798
First of all, look at this beautiful
Alabama landscape, OK?

796
00:41:43.834 --> 00:41:46.928
You don't get shit like this in New Jersey.

797
00:41:47.771 --> 00:41:49.170
God, you...

798
00:41:49.239 --> 00:41:50.706
Hey, look, dude.

799
00:41:50.741 --> 00:41:52.641
It's a baby deer.

800
00:41:53.444 --> 00:41:57.005
- Wow. Man.
- Shit.

801
00:41:59.650 --> 00:42:02.483
Hey. Hey.

802
00:42:02.519 --> 00:42:05.977
Look how cute this deer is, dude. Not
like those asshole deer in New Jersey.

803
00:42:06.023 --> 00:42:07.513
I know, man.

804
00:42:07.558 --> 00:42:10.083
- Hey, buddy.
- Dude, Alabama's awesome.

805
00:42:10.127 --> 00:42:11.924
He likes you.

806
00:42:12.796 --> 00:42:15.424
- Oh, my God!
- No!

807
00:42:18.435 --> 00:42:21.370
Sorry about that. I was in my zone.

808
00:42:24.541 --> 00:42:28.204
What the hell are y'all doing out here
in them fancy clothes?

809
00:42:28.245 --> 00:42:30.770
We were on our way to Texas
and we got lost.

810
00:42:30.814 --> 00:42:32.304
Texas?

811
00:42:33.417 --> 00:42:35.578
You're a long way from Texas.

812
00:42:35.919 --> 00:42:36.943
No!

813
00:42:40.624 --> 00:42:43.286
Born in '04.

814
00:42:43.327 --> 00:42:44.988
Get in here.

815
00:42:48.298 --> 00:42:51.392
Yeah. The sun's about to go down.

816
00:42:51.435 --> 00:42:55.235
- Y'all need a place to stay? Ya hungry?
- Yeah, sure.

817
00:42:55.272 --> 00:42:57.331
You want to follow me?

818
00:42:58.242 --> 00:42:59.834
Come on.

819
00:43:00.844 --> 00:43:02.835
Maybe we shouldn't.

820
00:43:03.514 --> 00:43:06.244
It's already dead.
You need a hand, dude?

821
00:43:06.884 --> 00:43:09.478
My grandpappy
bought this land in 1902.

822
00:43:09.520 --> 00:43:11.988
Very nice, sir.

823
00:43:12.022 --> 00:43:14.252
This place is gonna suck.

824
00:43:18.328 --> 00:43:20.956
Honey, I'm home.

825
00:43:20.998 --> 00:43:22.431
<i># E verào #</i>

826
00:43:24.201 --> 00:43:27.432
<i># Atencào #</i>

827
00:43:27.471 --> 00:43:28.836
I'm in here.

828
00:43:32.242 --> 00:43:35.143
I wish you'd-a told me
you was bringing guests home.

829
00:43:35.179 --> 00:43:37.044
I'da straightened up in here.

830
00:43:37.081 --> 00:43:39.174
Fellas, this is my wife Raylene.

831
00:43:39.216 --> 00:43:41.844
Raylene, meet Harold and Kumar.

832
00:43:41.885 --> 00:43:43.352
Hello.

833
00:43:43.387 --> 00:43:47.653
Can't shake.
I've just got... deer head all over me.

834
00:43:47.691 --> 00:43:49.989
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you boys.

835
00:43:50.027 --> 00:43:52.518
- You just make yourselves at home.
- Thank you.

836
00:43:52.563 --> 00:43:54.121
Honey, something's wrong
with that DSL.

837
00:43:54.164 --> 00:43:57.224
Every time I go on the online,
it says, "Searching for server. "

838
00:43:57.267 --> 00:43:59.132
You try unplugging the AirPort base?

839
00:43:59.169 --> 00:44:01.296
Yeah, I done did that but it didn't work.

840
00:44:01.338 --> 00:44:02.862
What you need to go online fors,
anyways?

841
00:44:02.906 --> 00:44:06.034
I was gonna get one of them
new portable satellite radios.

842
00:44:06.076 --> 00:44:08.704
What the fuck
you need a satellite radio for?

843
00:44:08.746 --> 00:44:11.044
Don't you be cussin'
when we got company over.

844
00:44:11.081 --> 00:44:12.207
- Guys.
- Please don't worry about us.

845
00:44:12.249 --> 00:44:13.546
We cuss all the time.

846
00:44:13.584 --> 00:44:14.915
Who do you think you is, hitting me?

847
00:44:14.952 --> 00:44:17.079
Who do you think bought you
that Prada bag?

848
00:44:17.121 --> 00:44:18.986
I told you I wanted a Gucci one.

849
00:44:19.022 --> 00:44:20.284
The Gucci bag cost more!

850
00:44:20.324 --> 00:44:22.622
Well, Jan Sapperstein's husband
sure could afford it.

851
00:44:22.659 --> 00:44:24.820
Here we go again with Jan Sapperstein.

852
00:44:24.862 --> 00:44:27.126
I don't give a rat's ass what that bitch got.

853
00:44:27.164 --> 00:44:28.426
You be happy with what you have.

854
00:44:28.465 --> 00:44:31.127
What I have is a husband
who ain't worth a turd!

855
00:44:31.168 --> 00:44:32.533
You wanna give me shit now?

856
00:44:32.569 --> 00:44:34.628
- That's right!
- After everything I let you buy!

857
00:44:34.671 --> 00:44:36.070
Even look at the credit card bills?

858
00:44:36.106 --> 00:44:38.802
...you buy?! Do you think we need
another set of golf balls?

859
00:44:38.842 --> 00:44:41.777
- Even worse is the credit card miles.
- Stinky, smelly, motherf...

860
00:44:41.812 --> 00:44:43.609
Guys, we're just gonna get out of here.

861
00:44:43.647 --> 00:44:47.344
Nonsense. Don't be silly.
You're our guests.

862
00:44:47.384 --> 00:44:49.852
You guys have got to stay for supper.

863
00:44:49.887 --> 00:44:51.479
- No, we couldn't. That's...
- No, thank you. We really couldn't...

864
00:44:51.522 --> 00:44:55.925
Of course, we're gonna
have to get high first.

865
00:45:19.149 --> 00:45:21.140
We're close.

866
00:45:28.358 --> 00:45:30.986
This is news to me.
I never knew farmers smoked weed.

867
00:45:31.028 --> 00:45:34.486
You ever tried farmin' not high?
It's borin' as shit.

868
00:45:34.531 --> 00:45:36.522
You know, this is great, guys.

869
00:45:36.567 --> 00:45:38.660
I kind of always,
you know, sort of assumed...

870
00:45:38.702 --> 00:45:42.069
that people from the South
were kinda...

871
00:45:42.105 --> 00:45:44.005
A bunch of dumb rednecks?

872
00:45:44.041 --> 00:45:46.669
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not...

873
00:45:46.710 --> 00:45:50.646
We do try to keep our inbred son in
the basement when we have company.

874
00:45:50.681 --> 00:45:53.013
Guys, I didn't mean it like that. I was just...

875
00:45:57.120 --> 00:45:58.985
Look at their faces!

876
00:46:04.328 --> 00:46:05.317
Fuck, fuck!

877
00:46:05.362 --> 00:46:07.023
Shit, they found us.
They found us. They found us.

878
00:46:07.064 --> 00:46:08.656
- What do you mean, they found you?
- Listen, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.

879
00:46:08.699 --> 00:46:10.690
Are you boys in some kind of trouble?

880
00:46:10.734 --> 00:46:13.567
All right. This is gonna sound crazy,
but, basically...

881
00:46:13.604 --> 00:46:14.866
we were on a plane to Amsterdam...

882
00:46:14.905 --> 00:46:17.567
and we got mistaken for terrorists
and we got sent to Guantànamo Bay...

883
00:46:17.608 --> 00:46:19.735
and then we escaped and snuck
into America with a bunch of Cubans...

884
00:46:19.776 --> 00:46:20.800
and now we're trying to get to Texas...

885
00:46:20.844 --> 00:46:21.833
where there's a guy
who can help us out...

886
00:46:21.879 --> 00:46:23.779
and he's getting married
to Kumar's ex-girlfriend.

887
00:46:23.814 --> 00:46:25.543
Yes.

888
00:46:26.416 --> 00:46:29.112
OK. That's cool.

889
00:46:29.152 --> 00:46:31.586
- I understand that.
- You do?

890
00:46:31.622 --> 00:46:35.854
Like the government's never screwed
us over before. You know what?

891
00:46:35.893 --> 00:46:37.952
Y'all come down here and hide
in the basement. I will handle this.

892
00:46:37.995 --> 00:46:39.428
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, both.

893
00:46:39.463 --> 00:46:41.431
Thank you, thank you.

894
00:46:50.807 --> 00:46:53.742
OK. This isn't creepy.

895
00:46:57.281 --> 00:46:58.714
What the hell is that?

896
00:47:00.617 --> 00:47:03.313
You're walking
towards the creepy music?

897
00:47:03.887 --> 00:47:05.149
Ge...

898
00:47:05.188 --> 00:47:06.746
This song rocks, dude.

899
00:47:13.530 --> 00:47:14.519
Kumar.

900
00:47:21.071 --> 00:47:23.801
Hey, dude, there's a lighter here
with a clown on it.

901
00:47:25.275 --> 00:47:26.799
Jesus Christ, there's a fucking monster!

902
00:47:27.577 --> 00:47:28.635
God!

903
00:47:39.723 --> 00:47:42.886
Hey, you don't happen to have
a Baby Ruth on you, do you?

904
00:47:42.926 --> 00:47:45.486
No. Why do you need a Baby Ruth?

905
00:47:45.529 --> 00:47:48.464
<i>That's how Chunk won over Sloth
in The Goonies.</i>

906
00:47:48.498 --> 00:47:50.432
This thing looks like Sloth?

907
00:47:50.467 --> 00:47:52.628
All I saw was the creature's hand.

908
00:47:52.669 --> 00:47:54.364
The hand looks like Sloth?

909
00:47:54.404 --> 00:47:58.534
The fucking hand of an evil monster,
dude. Like fucking claws and shit.

910
00:47:58.575 --> 00:48:00.372
Shit.

911
00:48:00.410 --> 00:48:04.779
Listen, no matter what, don't let
the creature know that it's ugly, OK?

912
00:48:04.815 --> 00:48:07.716
The last thing that we want to do
is criticize it or make it feel different...

913
00:48:07.751 --> 00:48:10.481
just because it was born
with horrible deformities.

914
00:48:21.031 --> 00:48:24.262
Don't worry. I got rid of 'em.
It was just my neighbors.

915
00:48:24.301 --> 00:48:25.325
- There's a fricking Cyclops...
- No, you got...

916
00:48:25.369 --> 00:48:27.428
...in your basement, man!
... a fucking thing, dude!

917
00:48:27.471 --> 00:48:28.665
You met Cyrus.

918
00:48:28.705 --> 00:48:29.899
- Cyrus.
- You named it?

919
00:48:29.940 --> 00:48:31.168
Our son.

920
00:48:31.208 --> 00:48:34.143
You must have woke him up. He was
supposed to be asleep. I'm sorry.

921
00:48:34.177 --> 00:48:35.769
I thought you were joking...

922
00:48:35.812 --> 00:48:38.337
when you said you had an inbred son
who lives in your basement.

923
00:48:38.382 --> 00:48:40.009
Well, it ain't a joke.

924
00:48:40.050 --> 00:48:43.349
Raylene and I here are siblings,
and we get it on.

925
00:48:43.387 --> 00:48:45.685
But that don't mean
we ought to be judged.

926
00:48:45.722 --> 00:48:48.486
You boys must be awful tired
after what you've been through.

927
00:48:48.525 --> 00:48:49.958
Come with me,
I'll show you to your bed.

928
00:48:49.993 --> 00:48:52.018
You better go back to sleep, boy!

929
00:48:52.062 --> 00:48:55.054
Don't make me come down there
and whip your Cyclops ass!

930
00:48:57.367 --> 00:48:59.028
It's tough love.

931
00:48:59.069 --> 00:49:01.060
It's the best way.

932
00:49:18.855 --> 00:49:21.915
I don't know what I was thinking
dating that douchebag Colton.

933
00:49:21.958 --> 00:49:25.257
He is a douchebag.
What were you thinking?

934
00:49:25.295 --> 00:49:28.992
But it was agony pretending
his puny, little penis satisfied me.

935
00:49:29.032 --> 00:49:33.594
I bet. I bet you've been missing
the thundercock too, haven't you, baby?

936
00:49:33.637 --> 00:49:35.901
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

937
00:49:35.939 --> 00:49:37.566
Yeah, you've been missing it?

938
00:49:37.607 --> 00:49:38.733
How much?

939
00:49:38.775 --> 00:49:41.676
- A lot.
- I bet.

940
00:49:42.679 --> 00:49:44.476
Well...

941
00:49:44.514 --> 00:49:48.143
- I kind of have this fantasy.
- What is it?

942
00:49:48.185 --> 00:49:52.246
I thought it'd be kinda cool
to bring somebody else in bed with us.

943
00:49:53.457 --> 00:49:55.322
Who?

944
00:49:55.358 --> 00:49:57.087
Hey, baby.

945
00:50:03.800 --> 00:50:05.028
- Yeah!
- Yeah?

946
00:50:05.068 --> 00:50:07.866
- Yeah.
- She's hot, right?

947
00:50:07.904 --> 00:50:08.928
Let's do it.

948
00:50:08.972 --> 00:50:11.463
# There's something #
# About that woman #

949
00:50:11.508 --> 00:50:14.909
# She's got something
you can't live without #

950
00:50:14.945 --> 00:50:17.709
# Makes your heart sing #

951
00:50:17.747 --> 00:50:19.339
Faster, Weedy.

952
00:50:19.382 --> 00:50:21.441
# Something about that woman #

953
00:50:21.485 --> 00:50:24.943
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #

954
00:50:24.988 --> 00:50:27.479
# On a good thing #

955
00:50:28.492 --> 00:50:30.756
# I got to give it up #

956
00:50:30.794 --> 00:50:33.524
Teeth, teeth, Weedy, teeth.

957
00:50:35.966 --> 00:50:37.661
- Weedy!
- Yeah?

958
00:50:37.701 --> 00:50:40.568
- Yeah!
- You like that?

959
00:50:49.079 --> 00:50:50.910
Putting it in the ass now, Weedy.

960
00:50:53.917 --> 00:50:54.941
Yeah, how about that?

961
00:50:54.985 --> 00:50:57.044
# Something about that woman #

962
00:50:57.087 --> 00:51:00.523
# She's got something
you can't live without #

963
00:51:00.557 --> 00:51:02.525
# Makes your heart sing #

964
00:51:04.261 --> 00:51:06.991
# It's just something about that woman #

965
00:51:07.030 --> 00:51:10.693
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #

966
00:51:10.734 --> 00:51:13.294
# On a good thing #

967
00:51:14.070 --> 00:51:15.833
# I got to give it up #

968
00:51:21.811 --> 00:51:23.073
Wow.

969
00:51:28.084 --> 00:51:29.483
Dude.

970
00:51:30.420 --> 00:51:32.581
I just had the most
fucked-up nightmare.

971
00:51:32.622 --> 00:51:36.683
Come on, man.
I was having a really hot dream.

972
00:51:36.726 --> 00:51:39.388
Go back to bed, please, dude.

973
00:52:11.261 --> 00:52:13.964
<i>Why did we have to leave?
Their Goonies child was kind of cute.</i>

974
00:52:13.999 --> 00:52:16.489
I don't care. It tried to fucking bite me.

975
00:52:16.533 --> 00:52:18.626
Jesus, every time the two of us
try to get anywhere...

976
00:52:18.668 --> 00:52:21.364
it's fucking disaster
after fucking disaster.

977
00:52:21.404 --> 00:52:23.167
Jesus, dude.
Here, you really need a hit of this.

978
00:52:23.206 --> 00:52:25.800
Dude, I don't want a fucking hit!

979
00:52:25.842 --> 00:52:28.140
It's your solution to everything,
you know that?

980
00:52:28.178 --> 00:52:31.147
Think about it.
We should be at Colton's already.

981
00:52:31.181 --> 00:52:34.446
Hey, chill, we still have two days
to fuck up the wedding.

982
00:52:34.484 --> 00:52:36.543
- What?
- What?

983
00:52:37.053 --> 00:52:38.645
- What?
- What?

984
00:52:39.089 --> 00:52:43.423
That's what this is all about, isn't it?
You want to fuck up the wedding.

985
00:52:43.460 --> 00:52:46.793
It's not fucking funny, Kumar.
It's not fucking funny!

986
00:52:47.230 --> 00:52:49.323
Colton is the only guy
that can help us out at this point.

987
00:52:49.366 --> 00:52:51.994
I can't believe... I cannot believe
you're willing to fuck that up!

988
00:52:52.035 --> 00:52:53.935
I just hate that fucking asshole, OK?

989
00:52:53.970 --> 00:52:56.734
Yeah? I like him better
than I like you right now.

990
00:52:56.773 --> 00:52:58.968
- Really?
- Yeah.

991
00:52:59.009 --> 00:53:01.000
You know what he got me? A job.

992
00:53:01.044 --> 00:53:04.980
You know what you got me?
Thrown into Guantànamo Bay.

993
00:53:05.015 --> 00:53:06.710
- Your job sucks.
- Admit it.

994
00:53:06.750 --> 00:53:09.583
You're jealous because Vanessa
found somebody better than you.

995
00:53:09.619 --> 00:53:11.177
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?

996
00:53:11.221 --> 00:53:13.815
Better than you! Let me think.

997
00:53:13.857 --> 00:53:17.349
Potential future president,
or unemployed pothead?

998
00:53:17.394 --> 00:53:19.919
Tough. That's tough.
That's a tough one for her, isn't it?

999
00:53:19.963 --> 00:53:22.261
Yeah, well at least
Vanessa's not in Amsterdam...

1000
00:53:22.299 --> 00:53:24.130
getting plowed
by a bunch of European dudes.

1001
00:53:25.302 --> 00:53:26.769
- What?
- Do you really think Maria's...

1002
00:53:26.803 --> 00:53:28.270
saving herself for you, dude?

1003
00:53:28.305 --> 00:53:30.239
Right now, she's probably got
two uncircumcised dicks...

1004
00:53:30.273 --> 00:53:31.365
dangling in front of her throat.

1005
00:53:31.408 --> 00:53:34.866
You know what she's gonna do with them?
Down 'em into her tonsils?

1006
00:53:39.249 --> 00:53:41.342
Fucking dick.

1007
00:53:44.654 --> 00:53:47.020
- That's my hat.
- That was my hat, bro.

1008
00:53:49.392 --> 00:53:51.053
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria.

1009
00:53:51.461 --> 00:53:52.951
Asshole!

1010
00:53:52.996 --> 00:53:55.829
Don't you dare say a fucking word
about my angel!

1011
00:53:58.301 --> 00:54:00.132
What the fuck was that?

1012
00:54:00.170 --> 00:54:02.229
Get up. Get up!

1013
00:54:02.272 --> 00:54:04.240
Fuck you.

1014
00:54:13.450 --> 00:54:15.042
Shit.

1015
00:54:18.588 --> 00:54:21.523
Isn't that a KKK bonfire?

1016
00:54:21.558 --> 00:54:22.718
Yeah.

1017
00:54:24.094 --> 00:54:25.994
Yeah, I think it is.

1018
00:54:26.796 --> 00:54:28.991
Maybe we should
get the fuck out of here.

1019
00:54:29.032 --> 00:54:31.057
Yeah. Yeah, dude.

1020
00:54:31.101 --> 00:54:33.433
Let's do that.

1021
00:54:36.406 --> 00:54:39.239
<i>The other day, caught a rerun
of that show Becker.</i>

1022
00:54:39.275 --> 00:54:40.708
You know that show?

1023
00:54:40.744 --> 00:54:44.180
Yeah, that's the one
with that Jew, Ted Danson.

1024
00:54:44.214 --> 00:54:47.650
That blond negro they got on there,
he had me in stitches.

1025
00:54:47.684 --> 00:54:49.242
He's actually pretty funny.

1026
00:54:49.285 --> 00:54:51.515
Really? You think so?

1027
00:54:51.554 --> 00:54:54.352
I'm not saying I wouldn't
lynch the guy, but...

1028
00:54:54.391 --> 00:54:57.189
his timing, it's priceless.

1029
00:54:57.927 --> 00:55:00.225
Hold up a second.

1030
00:55:00.263 --> 00:55:02.925
I gotta go drain the main vein.

1031
00:55:19.916 --> 00:55:22.111
I'll tell ya, Travis...

1032
00:55:22.152 --> 00:55:24.518
when it comes to feeling good...

1033
00:55:24.554 --> 00:55:27.580
I'd rate pissin' right up there
with comin' and shittin'.

1034
00:55:29.626 --> 00:55:31.184
I like to do all three.

1035
00:55:31.227 --> 00:55:32.455
Yeah, I hear ya.

1036
00:55:34.664 --> 00:55:37.758
Kenny, come on, man.
Hurry the fuck up.

1037
00:55:38.701 --> 00:55:42.102
You were the one who made me
drink that third beer.

1038
00:55:42.138 --> 00:55:44.572
Hold your horses, peckerwood.

1039
00:55:45.442 --> 00:55:47.842
Gross! You fucking pissed on me!

1040
00:55:47.877 --> 00:55:50.175
- You racist fuck!
- What the heck?

1041
00:55:56.953 --> 00:55:58.978
What the nigger was that?

1042
00:56:01.024 --> 00:56:03.618
This is fucked. We are fucked.

1043
00:56:03.660 --> 00:56:05.560
Kenny. Travis.

1044
00:56:07.096 --> 00:56:09.758
What in the tarnation you guys doin'?

1045
00:56:09.799 --> 00:56:11.960
Good, you brought the keg.
Lug that thing over.

1046
00:56:12.001 --> 00:56:13.366
- Let's go! Come on!
- Come on!

1047
00:56:13.403 --> 00:56:15.667
Let's go, come on!

1048
00:56:26.983 --> 00:56:29.713
Yeah, then you put little onions on 'em
and you steam 'em, they're awesome.

1049
00:56:29.752 --> 00:56:33.347
Roldy, dude, I'd never thought
I'd say this in a million years...

1050
00:56:33.389 --> 00:56:34.981
but the Klan really knows how to party.

1051
00:56:35.024 --> 00:56:36.855
You gotta try these dogs.

1052
00:56:36.893 --> 00:56:37.882
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

1053
00:56:37.927 --> 00:56:40.623
Really know how to...
the Klan knows how to party?

1054
00:56:40.663 --> 00:56:42.688
- Dude, we've got to get out of here!
- Jeez, all right, dude, relax.

1055
00:56:42.732 --> 00:56:46.190
All right, y'all! Come on over here
and we'll sit around the campfire.

1056
00:56:46.236 --> 00:56:48.704
- Shit, what do we do?
- Let's go sit down.

1057
00:56:48.738 --> 00:56:49.966
Rufus. Next to them marshmallows...

1058
00:56:50.006 --> 00:56:52.236
- and the graham crackers.
- Everybody sit down.

1059
00:56:52.275 --> 00:56:54.800
Best s'mores we've had in a long time...

1060
00:56:54.844 --> 00:56:57.039
that's what I'm talking about,
that's what I'm talking about.

1061
00:56:57.080 --> 00:57:00.811
Now. Now I want
each one of y'all to tell me...

1062
00:57:00.850 --> 00:57:03.478
somethin'... Porch monkey, kike!

1063
00:57:03.520 --> 00:57:06.421
...that you did
to a minority this week. Yeah.

1064
00:57:06.456 --> 00:57:08.549
I tripped a beaner while I was
walking down the stairs...

1065
00:57:08.591 --> 00:57:10.821
at the Wal-Mart the other day.

1066
00:57:11.928 --> 00:57:13.691
Guy crashed into a bunch of wine bottles.

1067
00:57:14.430 --> 00:57:16.557
They made him pay for 'em! Yeah!

1068
00:57:19.302 --> 00:57:21.099
All right, all right, let's all calm down.

1069
00:57:21.137 --> 00:57:24.163
White power here, white power here,
white power here.

1070
00:57:25.141 --> 00:57:27.006
Giving him what he deserves.

1071
00:57:27.043 --> 00:57:28.340
Hebe!

1072
00:57:30.346 --> 00:57:32.837
All right, I'm back. Next.

1073
00:57:32.882 --> 00:57:35.009
It better be good. Here.

1074
00:57:39.155 --> 00:57:41.419
Come on, dude, say something.

1075
00:57:43.826 --> 00:57:45.623
You know what?

1076
00:57:47.297 --> 00:57:49.288
I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.

1077
00:57:49.332 --> 00:57:50.356
That's funny!

1078
00:57:52.035 --> 00:57:54.367
Yeah, send them Indians back to Africa.

1079
00:57:54.437 --> 00:57:58.533
Well, you want to hear something real
fucked-up and awesome that I did?

1080
00:57:58.575 --> 00:58:03.308
I took a Korean guy's toothbrush
and I rubbed it all over my dick.

1081
00:58:03.346 --> 00:58:07.282
- You did that?
- Well, that's just downright disgustin'.

1082
00:58:07.317 --> 00:58:09.080
- But I like it!
- Yeah!

1083
00:58:10.253 --> 00:58:12.551
Yeah, I love bein' white.

1084
00:58:13.790 --> 00:58:16.725
- What the...
- Look what we got us here, brothers.

1085
00:58:20.096 --> 00:58:22.291
Mexicans!

1086
00:58:22.332 --> 00:58:24.994
Lynch 'em!

1087
00:58:25.034 --> 00:58:26.296
Come on, come on! Come on!

1088
00:58:29.072 --> 00:58:32.235
Come on, boys, let's chase them
back to the border!

1089
00:58:33.676 --> 00:58:34.665
Pussy fart!

1090
00:58:37.480 --> 00:58:39.914
Holy shit!

1091
00:58:39.949 --> 00:58:41.883
Should we put it out or what?

1092
00:58:44.187 --> 00:58:46.052
Are they still behind us?

1093
00:58:46.089 --> 00:58:49.081
I don't think so.
Dude, the Klan is fucking slow.

1094
00:58:51.828 --> 00:58:54.228
Hey, flag down this car.

1095
00:58:54.263 --> 00:58:56.959
Help! Help! Help!

1096
00:58:58.468 --> 00:59:00.834
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

1097
00:59:02.171 --> 00:59:03.399
# Yeah #

1098
00:59:03.439 --> 00:59:04.906
Thanks for stopping.

1099
00:59:04.941 --> 00:59:05.930
# You better check yo self #

1100
00:59:05.975 --> 00:59:07.237
No problem.

1101
00:59:07.276 --> 00:59:09.005
# 'Cause I'm bad for your health,
I come real stealth #

1102
00:59:09.045 --> 00:59:10.535
Neil?

1103
00:59:10.580 --> 00:59:13.105
Gary and Kumar!

1104
00:59:13.149 --> 00:59:14.207
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1105
00:59:14.250 --> 00:59:15.239
Harold. Harold.

1106
00:59:15.284 --> 00:59:16.774
Sorry, man. I forgot.

1107
00:59:18.988 --> 00:59:21.115
What are you doing here, man?

1108
00:59:21.157 --> 00:59:24.615
This is where God took me.
What are you guys doing out here?

1109
00:59:24.661 --> 00:59:27.152
We're actually trying to get to Texas.

1110
00:59:27.196 --> 00:59:28.561
That's where I'm headed!

1111
00:59:30.099 --> 00:59:31.088
What are the odds?

1112
00:59:32.001 --> 00:59:32.990
Let's get out of here.

1113
00:59:33.036 --> 00:59:34.594
- All right.
- Thank you.

1114
00:59:35.271 --> 00:59:36.260
Shrooms?

1115
00:59:36.305 --> 00:59:38.603
- No. Thanks, though.
- No, thank you.

1116
00:59:38.641 --> 00:59:40.472
Suit yourself.

1117
00:59:45.148 --> 00:59:47.173
Gentlemen, start your engines.

1118
00:59:47.984 --> 00:59:50.316
It's gonna be a bumpy fuckin' ride.

1119
00:59:50.353 --> 00:59:52.253
# 'Cause shotgun bullets
are bad for your health #

1120
00:59:57.160 --> 00:59:59.628
We found their phone.

1121
01:00:00.496 --> 01:00:03.124
Lee and Patel made a phone call to you.

1122
01:00:05.001 --> 01:00:07.196
Now tell us everything you know
about their terrorist plot.

1123
01:00:07.236 --> 01:00:10.262
Terrorist plot? Rold and Kumar?

1124
01:00:10.306 --> 01:00:12.536
This is ridiculous.

1125
01:00:12.575 --> 01:00:15.135
OK, fine. Fine.

1126
01:00:15.178 --> 01:00:17.738
Mr. Rosenberg.

1127
01:00:17.780 --> 01:00:20.613
Mr. Gold-stein.

1128
01:00:21.551 --> 01:00:23.644
We'll do it your way.

1129
01:00:27.490 --> 01:00:30.721
What's this? What do we have here?

1130
01:00:57.620 --> 01:00:59.315
It's about seven dollars?

1131
01:00:59.355 --> 01:01:01.016
Look, don't insult us, all right?

1132
01:01:01.057 --> 01:01:02.524
I don't know
what the hell is going on here...

1133
01:01:02.558 --> 01:01:05.288
but I'm pleading the Fifth
until I speak to my lawyer.

1134
01:01:05.328 --> 01:01:07.592
You're pleading the Fifth, huh?

1135
01:01:08.731 --> 01:01:10.699
Beecher, give me a copy
of the Bill of Rights.

1136
01:01:10.733 --> 01:01:12.257
The Bill of Rights? Why?

1137
01:01:12.301 --> 01:01:14.360
Just do it!

1138
01:01:14.403 --> 01:01:16.337
Excuse me.

1139
01:01:18.574 --> 01:01:19.563
Five, right?

1140
01:01:19.609 --> 01:01:20.906
- Five alive.
- Sure.

1141
01:01:20.943 --> 01:01:23.503
OK. OK. Good.

1142
01:01:25.915 --> 01:01:29.282
You wanna know what I think
about the Fifth Amendment?

1143
01:01:36.793 --> 01:01:38.226
There it is.

1144
01:01:44.901 --> 01:01:47.734
That's what I think
of the Fifth Amendment.

1145
01:01:50.673 --> 01:01:53.369
Why the hell is your ass so dirty?
Don't you wipe?

1146
01:01:53.409 --> 01:01:56.970
Don't ask questions
you don't want the answer to, buddy.

1147
01:01:57.013 --> 01:01:58.002
What do ya got?

1148
01:01:58.047 --> 01:02:01.107
Turns out the FBI was already
tapping Mr. Goldstein's phone.

1149
01:02:01.150 --> 01:02:02.913
- We got what we need.
- Wait a second.

1150
01:02:02.952 --> 01:02:05.284
You were tapping my phone?

1151
01:02:05.321 --> 01:02:06.310
You want to hear the tape?

1152
01:02:06.355 --> 01:02:10.587
No. I'm sick of listening
to this dirt farmer. What's the upshot?

1153
01:02:10.626 --> 01:02:13.094
Lee and Patel are on their way
to Texas as we speak.

1154
01:02:14.130 --> 01:02:15.290
I knew they'd trip up.

1155
01:02:15.331 --> 01:02:19.131
Ready the plane.
These fuckers are goin' down.

1156
01:02:26.175 --> 01:02:29.804
Neil, can you just focus on driving?
You've had... Focus on the road.

1157
01:02:29.846 --> 01:02:32.406
You've had dozens of shrooms,
my friend.

1158
01:02:33.082 --> 01:02:36.176
Dude, I was able to perform
an appendectomy at age 14.

1159
01:02:36.219 --> 01:02:39.382
I think I can handle
a couple mushrooms.

1160
01:02:39.422 --> 01:02:42.949
- Wasn't that just a TV show?
- Jesus Christ!

1161
01:02:42.992 --> 01:02:45.790
Did you see that unicorn?

1162
01:02:45.828 --> 01:02:47.591
Its horn was so shiny.

1163
01:02:48.598 --> 01:02:52.090
So, why are you guys headed to Texas?

1164
01:02:52.134 --> 01:02:55.035
Let's just say
my ex-girlfriend's getting married.

1165
01:02:58.274 --> 01:03:00.242
The one that got away, huh?

1166
01:03:00.276 --> 01:03:01.937
Yep.

1167
01:03:01.978 --> 01:03:03.969
Sounds to me like you need a drink.

1168
01:03:04.814 --> 01:03:07.112
Road. Neil, please,
can you pay attention...

1169
01:03:07.149 --> 01:03:09.083
Dude, I've got it!

1170
01:03:09.118 --> 01:03:12.019
- Yeah, but...
- He's a good driver. Stop.

1171
01:03:12.054 --> 01:03:15.114
Thanks, man. Cheers, dude.

1172
01:03:15.157 --> 01:03:16.283
Really? Drinking?

1173
01:03:23.633 --> 01:03:25.692
I have a lost-love story of my own.

1174
01:03:25.735 --> 01:03:26.724
Yeah?

1175
01:03:27.436 --> 01:03:29.700
<i>Happened on the set of C/ara's Heart.</i>

1176
01:03:29.739 --> 01:03:31.229
Sure, sure, yeah.

1177
01:03:31.274 --> 01:03:34.766
I'll never forget her.
Her name was Tashonda.

1178
01:03:34.810 --> 01:03:36.641
She was Whoopi Goldberg's stand-in.

1179
01:03:36.679 --> 01:03:40.672
Her skin was so soft,
her lips were so sweet.

1180
01:03:41.784 --> 01:03:46.687
She had these tiny,
little Hershey Kiss nipples...

1181
01:03:47.456 --> 01:03:50.584
that you just wanted
to suck on all night long.

1182
01:03:51.093 --> 01:03:54.358
Anyway, last day of shooting, I told her.

1183
01:03:54.397 --> 01:03:56.160
I said...

1184
01:03:56.198 --> 01:03:59.929
"T-Bird, we're gonna have to break up. "

1185
01:03:59.969 --> 01:04:01.561
Why did you do that?

1186
01:04:02.538 --> 01:04:05.473
I didn't think I could take on
that kind of responsibility.

1187
01:04:07.076 --> 01:04:10.068
It was such a big mistake.

1188
01:04:10.112 --> 01:04:12.444
Why? I mean, with T-Bird gone...

1189
01:04:12.481 --> 01:04:14.813
couldn't you have sex
with whoever you wanted?

1190
01:04:14.850 --> 01:04:16.044
Let me be clear.

1191
01:04:16.085 --> 01:04:17.950
There is nothing on the planet...

1192
01:04:17.987 --> 01:04:20.285
that I love more than a hot, new pussy.

1193
01:04:20.323 --> 01:04:21.847
- Sure.
- Nothing.

1194
01:04:21.891 --> 01:04:23.984
What does the P.H. Stands for in N.P.H.?

1195
01:04:25.261 --> 01:04:26.353
Patrick Harris.

1196
01:04:26.395 --> 01:04:29.023
No, common mistake. Poon handler.

1197
01:04:29.932 --> 01:04:31.593
The point is, boys...

1198
01:04:31.634 --> 01:04:36.230
even though I love havin' sex
with some hot, random trim...

1199
01:04:36.272 --> 01:04:41.232
a day hasn't gone by
where I haven't thought of Tashonda.

1200
01:04:42.111 --> 01:04:47.413
Every time I see a bag of
Hershey's Kisses, my balls get so wet.

1201
01:04:52.488 --> 01:04:54.513
Here's to you, Tashonda.

1202
01:04:55.224 --> 01:04:58.853
- I hope you kept the baby.
- Wow.

1203
01:05:24.820 --> 01:05:27.914
# Free on my own #

1204
01:05:27.957 --> 01:05:31.017
# That's the way I used to be #

1205
01:05:31.060 --> 01:05:32.618
# But since I met you, baby #

1206
01:05:32.661 --> 01:05:34.822
Hey, honey.
What's up?

1207
01:05:34.864 --> 01:05:37.492
I found something in your purse.

1208
01:05:38.367 --> 01:05:39.834
Why would you go through my purse?

1209
01:05:39.869 --> 01:05:41.530
Why would you have a joint...

1210
01:05:41.570 --> 01:05:44.664
when you know
it could ruin my political career?

1211
01:05:44.707 --> 01:05:45.765
I'm sorry.

1212
01:05:45.808 --> 01:05:50.074
What with all the wedding plans,
I've just been a little stressed.

1213
01:05:50.112 --> 01:05:52.046
It helps me relax?

1214
01:05:52.081 --> 01:05:55.539
Marijuana is illegal, Vanessa.

1215
01:05:55.584 --> 01:05:57.415
Now, I thought that part of your life
was in the past.

1216
01:05:57.453 --> 01:05:59.887
- It is.
- Good.

1217
01:06:01.257 --> 01:06:02.349
That's all I need to hear.

1218
01:06:04.994 --> 01:06:07.792
Hey, baby.

1219
01:06:07.830 --> 01:06:11.163
Look, I know things can be hectic
with the wedding.

1220
01:06:11.200 --> 01:06:15.569
But, you know, if you get stressed out,
just do what I do.

1221
01:06:15.604 --> 01:06:17.629
Snort Zoloft, OK?

1222
01:06:25.247 --> 01:06:27.545
What the fuck?

1223
01:06:27.583 --> 01:06:28.572
Shit.

1224
01:06:28.617 --> 01:06:32.075
Dude, they set up a fucking roadblock!
They're gonna find us.

1225
01:06:32.121 --> 01:06:33.918
- What are you talking about?
- Neil...

1226
01:06:33.956 --> 01:06:36.151
I don't know how to say this
any other way, man, but we're fugitives.

1227
01:06:36.192 --> 01:06:37.784
Cool.

1228
01:06:39.128 --> 01:06:41.426
OK, well, we've got to find a way
to get out of this.

1229
01:06:41.464 --> 01:06:43.091
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Please.

1230
01:06:43.132 --> 01:06:47.034
You act like I've never smuggled
a fugitive across state lines before.

1231
01:06:47.069 --> 01:06:49.367
Here. Hide in that.

1232
01:06:49.405 --> 01:06:51.771
Sorry. It's a little sticky.

1233
01:06:54.176 --> 01:06:55.973
Shit.

1234
01:07:00.850 --> 01:07:02.340
Yeah.

1235
01:07:04.553 --> 01:07:06.714
What the... When were you
gonna show me these?

1236
01:07:14.964 --> 01:07:16.898
Excuse me.

1237
01:07:17.666 --> 01:07:18.826
Wait, Officer!

1238
01:07:19.768 --> 01:07:22.202
- Shit.
- Hold that car!

1239
01:07:36.152 --> 01:07:40.088
Neil Patrick Harris.

1240
01:07:41.390 --> 01:07:42.414
Yo.

1241
01:07:44.360 --> 01:07:47.659
It is an honor to meet you, sir.

1242
01:07:47.696 --> 01:07:50.187
Yeah. I would imagine so.

1243
01:07:52.234 --> 01:07:54.168
I'm sure you get this all the time...

1244
01:07:54.203 --> 01:08:01.075
<i>but your part in Starship Troopers
truly, truly changed my life.</i>

1245
01:08:01.110 --> 01:08:02.407
Really?

1246
01:08:02.444 --> 01:08:04.241
How?

1247
01:08:04.280 --> 01:08:09.479
Well, no one thought the war against
the arachnids of Klendathu could be won.

1248
01:08:09.518 --> 01:08:10.951
- But you showed the starship troopers...
- Neil!

1249
01:08:10.986 --> 01:08:12.920
...that those bugs could be destroyed.

1250
01:08:14.690 --> 01:08:19.423
A lot of people think the war on terror
is a war that can't be won, right?

1251
01:08:20.729 --> 01:08:23.289
That's why I joined
the Department of Homeland Security.

1252
01:08:23.332 --> 01:08:27.962
<i>My friend, two words.
Starship fuckin' Troopers.</i>

1253
01:08:28.003 --> 01:08:32.201
If you want to know the secret of being,
you will come with us.

1254
01:08:33.542 --> 01:08:35.567
Please. I really need to go.

1255
01:08:35.611 --> 01:08:39.479
Yeah, of course. I'm so sorry
to bother you. You move along.

1256
01:08:42.685 --> 01:08:44.653
Bye.

1257
01:08:45.287 --> 01:08:46.652
I love you.

1258
01:08:49.892 --> 01:08:51.723
I love you too, Mr. Patrick Harris.

1259
01:08:53.229 --> 01:08:54.389
What the...

1260
01:09:01.804 --> 01:09:03.567
Holy fucking shit, that was awesome.

1261
01:09:04.573 --> 01:09:06.666
Try having that conversation
on shrooms.

1262
01:09:06.709 --> 01:09:08.574
I deserve an Oscar
for that performance.

1263
01:09:08.611 --> 01:09:09.600
- You do!
- Dudes...

1264
01:09:09.645 --> 01:09:11.510
I'm gonna take a little detour
on the way, all right?

1265
01:09:11.547 --> 01:09:12.536
- No.
- Neil, no.

1266
01:09:12.581 --> 01:09:13.570
But we're almost there, man.

1267
01:09:13.616 --> 01:09:15.743
- No buts. No buts!
- What do you do...

1268
01:09:15.784 --> 01:09:18.719
I'm going to a whorehouse
and I'm gonna get my fuck on.

1269
01:09:18.754 --> 01:09:23.282
If you two don't want to get
your dicks wet, that's fine with me.

1270
01:09:23.993 --> 01:09:26.120
I'll get my dick wet.

1271
01:09:32.201 --> 01:09:36.501
# Don't need nothin' but a good time #

1272
01:09:36.538 --> 01:09:39.166
# How can I resist? #

1273
01:09:39.208 --> 01:09:43.144
# Ain't lookin' for nothin'
but a good time #

1274
01:09:43.178 --> 01:09:47.012
# And it don't get better than this #

1275
01:09:47.516 --> 01:09:50.883
Pussy, I'm home!

1276
01:09:50.919 --> 01:09:52.386
Hello?

1277
01:09:53.188 --> 01:09:58.353
Well, well, well. I thought you'd never
show your face around here again.

1278
01:09:58.394 --> 01:10:01.158
What's the matter, Sally? I thought
I was one of your top customers.

1279
01:10:01.196 --> 01:10:04.290
Have you forgotten what happened
the last time you were here?

1280
01:10:05.100 --> 01:10:07.568
Because of you, my best girl quit.

1281
01:10:07.603 --> 01:10:09.400
Hey, I paid her good money.

1282
01:10:09.438 --> 01:10:11.065
It's not my fault
she didn't lube up.

1283
01:10:11.640 --> 01:10:14.803
Besides, I bring you new customers.

1284
01:10:14.843 --> 01:10:17.971
- New customers?
- No, Neil, that's all.

1285
01:10:18.013 --> 01:10:20.038
Thank you. Thank you.
Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

1286
01:10:20.082 --> 01:10:22.312
Sally. Bring on the lineup.

1287
01:10:25.054 --> 01:10:27.045
Line up in the chutes, girls.

1288
01:10:27.089 --> 01:10:29.922
Longhorns coming through.

1289
01:10:29.958 --> 01:10:31.050
Neil.

1290
01:10:34.997 --> 01:10:37.830
Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger.

1291
01:10:37.866 --> 01:10:39.731
Hello, ba...

1292
01:10:40.869 --> 01:10:43.633
- What's your name, miss?
- Tits Hemingway.

1293
01:10:43.672 --> 01:10:45.230
How'd you come up with that?

1294
01:10:45.274 --> 01:10:47.208
Well, I have huge tits.

1295
01:10:47.242 --> 01:10:49.642
<i>And my favorite book
is A Moveab/e Feast.</i>

1296
01:10:49.678 --> 01:10:52.238
I guess that makes sense, yeah.

1297
01:10:52.281 --> 01:10:53.839
Well, I hope you're ready for me, Tits...

1298
01:10:53.882 --> 01:10:56.180
'cause I'm gonna rock out
with my cock out...

1299
01:10:56.218 --> 01:10:57.947
and you're gonna jam out
with your clam out.

1300
01:10:57.986 --> 01:10:59.681
It's gonna be magical.

1301
01:11:00.589 --> 01:11:02.523
- The whores are on me, fellas.
- No, Neil...

1302
01:11:02.558 --> 01:11:04.355
- thank you, but we... that's...
- Thanks, dude.

1303
01:11:04.393 --> 01:11:05.883
Screw that, Roldy.
I don't know about you...

1304
01:11:05.928 --> 01:11:09.295
but, no offense to the rest of you ladies,
I am gonna be taking you two.

1305
01:11:09.498 --> 01:11:11.966
No, Kumar. Kumar!

1306
01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:13.490
Roldy, you're missing out, brother.

1307
01:11:14.403 --> 01:11:16.428
Yo, we need to get back on the road,
buddy.

1308
01:11:16.472 --> 01:11:17.905
We need...

1309
01:11:21.410 --> 01:11:24.345
Well, now, you know, we also supply...

1310
01:11:24.380 --> 01:11:28.009
in-room films or a magazine.

1311
01:11:30.018 --> 01:11:32.646
Well, if you'd like
some self-satisfaction...

1312
01:11:32.688 --> 01:11:34.781
we do have some...

1313
01:11:36.525 --> 01:11:38.891
electronic devices right over there.

1314
01:11:42.331 --> 01:11:44.925
Just have some coffee. Yeah?

1315
01:11:44.967 --> 01:11:47.800
Why don't you lie on the bed?

1316
01:11:47.836 --> 01:11:50.327
And tell us what you want us to do.

1317
01:11:50.372 --> 01:11:52.738
OK. OK.

1318
01:11:54.076 --> 01:11:55.703
Well...

1319
01:11:57.246 --> 01:11:59.077
how about...

1320
01:12:00.082 --> 01:12:02.550
How about you take off your clothes
and make out with each other?

1321
01:12:02.584 --> 01:12:04.984
- We've done that before.
- We can do that.

1322
01:12:05.020 --> 01:12:06.112
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1323
01:12:06.155 --> 01:12:07.918
# Pussy real good #

1324
01:12:07.956 --> 01:12:09.617
# That pussy #
# Pussy real good #

1325
01:12:09.658 --> 01:12:11.990
# That pussy #
# That pussy off the chain #

1326
01:12:12.027 --> 01:12:14.188
# That pussy #
# Go on and do yo thang #

1327
01:12:14.229 --> 01:12:16.561
# That pussy #
# Pussy real good #

1328
01:12:16.598 --> 01:12:18.657
# That pussy #
# That pussy real good #

1329
01:12:18.700 --> 01:12:20.634
# That pussy #

1330
01:12:20.669 --> 01:12:22.466
# Yo' mama don't like #

1331
01:12:23.205 --> 01:12:25.139
# She say I'm no good #

1332
01:12:25.174 --> 01:12:27.108
# What she don't know is #

1333
01:12:27.142 --> 01:12:29.474
# I got you pussy-whooped #

1334
01:12:29.511 --> 01:12:31.775
# He need this pussy #

1335
01:12:31.814 --> 01:12:34.078
# He smell this pussy #

1336
01:12:34.116 --> 01:12:36.209
# He wanna taste this pussy #

1337
01:12:36.251 --> 01:12:38.651
# He gotta pay for pussy #

1338
01:12:38.687 --> 01:12:40.484
Can you use tongue?

1339
01:12:40.522 --> 01:12:42.752
# That pussy, pussy #

1340
01:12:42.791 --> 01:12:44.452
# Pussy, pussy #

1341
01:12:46.061 --> 01:12:47.790
Bump your titty on her titty.

1342
01:12:47.830 --> 01:12:49.263
# Police pull me over #

1343
01:12:49.298 --> 01:12:51.289
# They don't write no tickets #

1344
01:12:52.401 --> 01:12:54.301
Boner achieved!

1345
01:12:55.337 --> 01:12:58.864
Great. Now let's get those pants off.

1346
01:12:58.907 --> 01:13:00.238
OK.

1347
01:13:00.776 --> 01:13:04.041
- You are benevolent human beings.
- Yeah, I know.

1348
01:13:04.079 --> 01:13:05.444
- Yeah?
- We get that a lot.

1349
01:13:05.547 --> 01:13:07.310
Yeah. You know what that means,
benevolent?

1350
01:13:07.349 --> 01:13:08.941
Yeah, I do, actually.

1351
01:13:08.984 --> 01:13:10.246
What?

1352
01:13:10.285 --> 01:13:12.446
It means we're gonna fuck you so hard...

1353
01:13:12.488 --> 01:13:14.854
your dick's gonna be sore for two weeks.

1354
01:13:14.890 --> 01:13:18.018
That is exactly, exactly what it means.

1355
01:13:19.094 --> 01:13:21.995
You know what bothers me
the most, though?

1356
01:13:22.030 --> 01:13:25.158
He never once apologized
for getting me into all this trouble.

1357
01:13:25.200 --> 01:13:30.194
I mean, I'm supposed to be with my
Maria right now in Amsterdam, OK?

1358
01:13:30.239 --> 01:13:33.675
But it's cool.
He doesn't know how to say "I'm sorry. "

1359
01:13:34.109 --> 01:13:35.906
Why do you think that is?

1360
01:13:35.944 --> 01:13:40.381
Sparkle, because it's all about
what he wants. It's about him, him, him.

1361
01:13:40.415 --> 01:13:43.612
You know. I don't even care
because... You know...

1362
01:13:43.652 --> 01:13:46.416
if he can't be a good friend to me,
I'm not gonna be a good friend to him.

1363
01:13:46.455 --> 01:13:48.616
- It's done.
- Don't say that.

1364
01:13:49.057 --> 01:13:51.025
A good friend is hard to come by.

1365
01:13:51.059 --> 01:13:52.492
Venus, come on.

1366
01:13:52.528 --> 01:13:55.759
Yeah, but if he was a real friend,
he would know how to say, "I'm sorry. "

1367
01:13:55.831 --> 01:13:57.162
That's right.

1368
01:13:57.199 --> 01:13:59.190
Thank you, Agnes.

1369
01:14:00.102 --> 01:14:01.091
Nail on the head.

1370
01:14:01.970 --> 01:14:03.062
It's like right now...

1371
01:14:03.105 --> 01:14:08.042
after all the shit that we have
been through in the last few days...

1372
01:14:08.076 --> 01:14:13.275
you know, he's in there having
the time of his life, having sex.

1373
01:14:16.685 --> 01:14:19.176
I never should have left her.

1374
01:14:19.755 --> 01:14:21.416
I don't even know...

1375
01:14:21.456 --> 01:14:23.856
I don't even know what I was thinking.

1376
01:14:23.892 --> 01:14:26.725
I loved her so much.

1377
01:14:26.762 --> 01:14:30.862
She was my little baby.

1378
01:14:30.899 --> 01:14:32.059
Why did I let my little baby go?

1379
01:14:32.100 --> 01:14:34.364
Why did I let her go?

1380
01:14:34.403 --> 01:14:36.303
You'll find someone else.

1381
01:14:36.338 --> 01:14:38.033
No, I won't. Not like Vanessa.

1382
01:14:38.073 --> 01:14:40.473
You'll find love again someday.

1383
01:14:40.509 --> 01:14:42.739
Yeah, you will.

1384
01:14:43.345 --> 01:14:45.643
Did you guys?

1385
01:14:47.215 --> 01:14:49.615
No, we're whores.

1386
01:14:49.651 --> 01:14:51.949
- Remember?
- Yeah.

1387
01:14:58.460 --> 01:14:59.791
Oh, my God. Are you OK?

1388
01:14:59.828 --> 01:15:01.625
What the hell is going on here?

1389
01:15:01.663 --> 01:15:04.564
That prick fucking branded me!

1390
01:15:05.467 --> 01:15:06.991
- Stop it.
- I warned you, Neil.

1391
01:15:07.035 --> 01:15:09.469
Bring it.

1392
01:15:09.504 --> 01:15:11.836
- Neil! Neil!
- Time to put your dick in the dirt.

1393
01:15:11.873 --> 01:15:14.273
- What... Neil! What are you doing?
- Come on. Come on. Come on.

1394
01:15:14.309 --> 01:15:15.298
- But...
- No, Neil.

1395
01:15:15.344 --> 01:15:16.811
Neil!

1396
01:15:17.713 --> 01:15:20.147
- What about Neil, man?
- No, fuck Neil. He just fucked us.

1397
01:15:20.182 --> 01:15:22.707
- Neil! Neil!
- Come on, come on, come on!

1398
01:15:22.751 --> 01:15:24.412
- Come on! Come on! Come on!
- Neil!

1399
01:15:24.453 --> 01:15:25.920
Come on!

1400
01:15:27.289 --> 01:15:28.813
- N.P.H.!
- No!

1401
01:15:30.626 --> 01:15:31.854
Stop! Stop!

1402
01:15:33.028 --> 01:15:34.723
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
We've got to get Neil.

1403
01:15:34.763 --> 01:15:36.424
- Why?
- Look, we're stealing his car!

1404
01:15:36.465 --> 01:15:39.332
- We can't leave him back there.
- He stole your fucking car last week!

1405
01:15:40.335 --> 01:15:41.996
What was that?

1406
01:15:42.671 --> 01:15:43.660
- Hurry up.
- Neil!

1407
01:15:43.705 --> 01:15:45.468
- Hurry up. Come on, man.
- Guys.

1408
01:15:45.507 --> 01:15:47.441
- All right. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
- Neil, Neil, come on! Come on, man!

1409
01:15:47.476 --> 01:15:49.307
- Guys!
- Hurry up! Hurry up!

1410
01:15:49.344 --> 01:15:50.811
It's not even funny.
Hurry up, dude, hurry up.

1411
01:15:50.846 --> 01:15:52.643
You can make it, dude.

1412
01:15:52.681 --> 01:15:56.139
Oh, my God! Holy shit!

1413
01:15:57.052 --> 01:16:00.021
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Jesus Christ!

1414
01:16:00.055 --> 01:16:02.250
- Neil's dead! Neil's dead!
- No!

1415
01:16:02.924 --> 01:16:06.860
- Oh, my God!
- Get the fuck out of here! Go! Go!

1416
01:16:09.164 --> 01:16:15.626
# How do I say goodbye #

1417
01:16:15.671 --> 01:16:17.400
It's the dawn of a new day.

1418
01:16:20.242 --> 01:16:22.335
And Neil Patrick Harris
isn't around to see it, man.

1419
01:16:22.377 --> 01:16:23.366
Dude, I told you.

1420
01:16:23.412 --> 01:16:24.902
Will you please stop saying that?

1421
01:16:25.981 --> 01:16:27.471
God.

1422
01:16:27.516 --> 01:16:29.984
He's gone.

1423
01:16:30.652 --> 01:16:33.644
Maybe he's got
some family contact info in here.

1424
01:16:33.689 --> 01:16:35.884
Dude, I know
I'm not calling Neil's parents.

1425
01:16:36.725 --> 01:16:38.750
What's in the bag?

1426
01:16:38.794 --> 01:16:41.319
- Holy fuck.
- Creepy mask.

1427
01:16:42.264 --> 01:16:44.858
A jar with hair in it.

1428
01:16:47.335 --> 01:16:50.395
And, like, 12 cans of Mace.

1429
01:16:53.075 --> 01:16:55.908
- Look, dude.
- Holy shit.

1430
01:16:55.944 --> 01:16:58.310
Holy shit, we actually made it.

1431
01:17:05.120 --> 01:17:07.350
This is where Colton grew up, huh?

1432
01:17:07.389 --> 01:17:09.687
Smell that? That smells like douche.

1433
01:17:15.931 --> 01:17:18.866
No, you will remain in this car.

1434
01:17:18.900 --> 01:17:22.131
I will go inside alone and, if we're lucky,
Colton will help us out.

1435
01:17:22.170 --> 01:17:26.072
- Why can't I just...
- No. Let me put it another way.

1436
01:17:26.108 --> 01:17:29.839
You leave this car,
and our friendship is over.

1437
01:17:29.878 --> 01:17:32.346
- But, Roldy, I just...
- Kumar.

1438
01:17:32.380 --> 01:17:35.372
Open the door
and I will cut your fucking balls off.

1439
01:17:35.417 --> 01:17:36.543
Jesus. OK.

1440
01:17:40.288 --> 01:17:42.279
- Balls.
- Go.

1441
01:17:54.069 --> 01:17:56.594
Hi, I'm a friend of Colton's.

1442
01:17:56.638 --> 01:17:58.162
Thank you.

1443
01:18:41.349 --> 01:18:42.646
God damn it.

1444
01:18:42.684 --> 01:18:44.982
Vanessa? You OK?

1445
01:18:45.020 --> 01:18:48.353
- Kumar? What are you doing here?
- Yeah, let me help you up.

1446
01:18:52.194 --> 01:18:53.991
I thought you were going to Amsterdam.

1447
01:18:54.029 --> 01:18:56.691
Yeah, me too. It didn't work out.

1448
01:18:57.699 --> 01:18:58.961
You all right?

1449
01:18:59.000 --> 01:19:01.560
- Now, does this hurt when I touch it?
- Yeah.

1450
01:19:01.603 --> 01:19:03.195
- It does?
- Yeah.

1451
01:19:03.238 --> 01:19:07.140
This is just what I need.
A limp during the wedding.

1452
01:19:07.175 --> 01:19:09.370
Can you move it around in a circle?

1453
01:19:10.378 --> 01:19:13.575
OK, that's what I figured. It's just your
ATFL. I don't think you tore it, though.

1454
01:19:13.615 --> 01:19:17.176
So a little ice and massage
should do the trick. You'll be fine.

1455
01:19:17.219 --> 01:19:19.346
Are you gonna tell me why you're here?

1456
01:19:19.387 --> 01:19:21.378
Roldy and I ran into some trouble...

1457
01:19:21.423 --> 01:19:25.359
and we figured that maybe
your Colton could help us out.

1458
01:19:25.393 --> 01:19:28.556
- Still getting into trouble, huh?
- A little bit.

1459
01:19:28.597 --> 01:19:31.589
You remember that time that
you broke into the animal lab...

1460
01:19:31.633 --> 01:19:34.659
and, like, stole that monkey and put it
in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?

1461
01:19:34.703 --> 01:19:36.398
OK, first of all,
that was Goldstein's idea...

1462
01:19:36.438 --> 01:19:37.427
and second of all...

1463
01:19:37.472 --> 01:19:40.168
had I known that the monkey had AIDS,
I never would have done that.

1464
01:19:40.208 --> 01:19:41.197
What about you?

1465
01:19:41.243 --> 01:19:44.679
You put those disgusting used tampons
in Professor Konop's purse.

1466
01:19:44.713 --> 01:19:46.271
- Remember that?
- Come on.

1467
01:19:46.314 --> 01:19:47.713
She was a bitch and you know it.

1468
01:19:51.553 --> 01:19:53.885
What's going on here?

1469
01:19:53.922 --> 01:19:56.914
Hey, she actually fell
and broke her heel here.

1470
01:19:56.958 --> 01:20:01.190
Yeah, I twisted my ankle.
Kumar was just looking at it.

1471
01:20:01.229 --> 01:20:03.288
- Why aren't you in the car, Kumar?
- Dude, I heard her yell.

1472
01:20:03.331 --> 01:20:04.923
I thought I told you
to stay in the car, man.

1473
01:20:05.600 --> 01:20:06.897
It's OK, man.

1474
01:20:06.935 --> 01:20:08.425
No worries.

1475
01:20:08.470 --> 01:20:11.064
Listen, Roldy filled me in
on the situation.

1476
01:20:11.106 --> 01:20:13.870
But don't worry. I'll make sure
my dad takes care of everything.

1477
01:20:15.043 --> 01:20:16.032
Thanks, man.

1478
01:20:16.077 --> 01:20:19.069
In the meantime,
you are going to the doctor.

1479
01:20:19.114 --> 01:20:21.241
Ramòn!

1480
01:20:21.283 --> 01:20:25.617
Ramòn. Please bring Vanessa
to Dr. Harris immediately.

1481
01:20:27.022 --> 01:20:30.082
Bye, Vanessa. Hope you feel better.

1482
01:20:31.259 --> 01:20:34.660
- Bye.
- Bye.

1483
01:20:36.865 --> 01:20:38.833
Guys.

1484
01:20:38.867 --> 01:20:40.300
All right.

1485
01:20:42.103 --> 01:20:45.595
All right, guys. Jet's all fueled.
You should be home in no time.

1486
01:20:45.640 --> 01:20:47.039
Sweet.

1487
01:20:53.381 --> 01:20:55.611
Hey, Colton, I can't believe
you're doing this for us...

1488
01:20:55.650 --> 01:20:56.708
on the night before your wedding day.

1489
01:20:56.751 --> 01:21:00.380
- I really appreciate it. Thank you.
- Please don't mention it.

1490
01:21:00.422 --> 01:21:03.289
Just want to make sure
everything works out smoothly.

1491
01:21:03.325 --> 01:21:04.952
Are all these planes yours?

1492
01:21:04.993 --> 01:21:07.291
No. OK.

1493
01:21:07.329 --> 01:21:08.921
Rold, come on, of course they are.

1494
01:21:11.366 --> 01:21:12.458
This guy's funny. You're funny.

1495
01:21:12.500 --> 01:21:14.661
- Yeah?
- Hey, Colton, man.

1496
01:21:15.370 --> 01:21:18.965
Listen, I was wrong about you, dude.
You're not a douchebag.

1497
01:21:19.007 --> 01:21:20.167
Dude.

1498
01:21:20.208 --> 01:21:21.835
You know what I mean.
I mean, you're a good dude.

1499
01:21:21.876 --> 01:21:24.037
And I'm happy for you and Vanessa.

1500
01:21:26.815 --> 01:21:28.612
That's big of you, Kumar.

1501
01:21:28.650 --> 01:21:30.515
- I really appreciate it.
- Sure.

1502
01:21:30.552 --> 01:21:32.713
I just can't wait to get back, man.

1503
01:21:35.090 --> 01:21:37.388
You're going back all right.

1504
01:21:38.093 --> 01:21:40.288
This time you're not escaping.

1505
01:21:40.328 --> 01:21:41.989
Now!

1506
01:21:42.030 --> 01:21:43.497
Go! Move, move, move!

1507
01:21:49.571 --> 01:21:50.629
You are a douchebag...

1508
01:21:50.672 --> 01:21:53.038
- No.
... you fucking douchebag, fuck you!

1509
01:21:53.074 --> 01:21:55.907
Yeah. The last thing I was letting
you guys do is ruin my wedding.

1510
01:21:55.944 --> 01:21:58.674
- You did this?
- Of course he did this.

1511
01:21:58.713 --> 01:22:01.147
I thought we were friends, man.
How could you betray me like this?

1512
01:22:01.182 --> 01:22:03.173
Come on, Rold. You and me?

1513
01:22:03.218 --> 01:22:05.243
You let me cheat off you
in Advanced Accounting.

1514
01:22:05.286 --> 01:22:06.981
Other than that,
I could give a shit about you.

1515
01:22:07.022 --> 01:22:08.421
Take 'em away, guys.

1516
01:22:08.923 --> 01:22:11.357
When we get out of this I'm gonna
fucking kick your fucking ass, man!

1517
01:22:11.393 --> 01:22:13.054
Boy, you're scaring me.

1518
01:22:13.094 --> 01:22:15.289
Well, come on, you're not
one of those kung-fu Asians...

1519
01:22:15.330 --> 01:22:17.696
you're a fucking pussy banker,
for Christ's sakes.

1520
01:22:17.732 --> 01:22:19.825
- Fuck you! Fuck you!
- I'm gonna rip you up, bitch!

1521
01:22:19.868 --> 01:22:22.496
- You'd best watch your back, bitch!
- Fuck you, dude!

1522
01:22:22.537 --> 01:22:24.732
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!

1523
01:22:25.673 --> 01:22:27.834
I'm awesome.

1524
01:22:32.847 --> 01:22:35.748
Looks like you boys picked
the wrong side, huh?

1525
01:22:35.784 --> 01:22:38.218
Where's your Koran now?

1526
01:22:38.987 --> 01:22:40.818
We're not even Muslim, you moron...

1527
01:22:40.855 --> 01:22:44.086
and even if we were,
that doesn't make us terrorists.

1528
01:22:44.325 --> 01:22:46.725
Hey! I'm talking to you.
Get back here!

1529
01:22:46.761 --> 01:22:50.857
# Metal under tension
beggin' you to touch and go #

1530
01:22:52.367 --> 01:22:54.767
# Highway to #

1531
01:22:56.137 --> 01:22:58.697
Man. I can't believe we're going back.

1532
01:22:58.740 --> 01:23:00.867
Now do you see
why I hate Colton Graham?

1533
01:23:00.909 --> 01:23:03.537
Now do you see why I hate you?

1534
01:23:04.512 --> 01:23:07.003
I asked you specifically
to stay in the car.

1535
01:23:07.048 --> 01:23:09.710
I told you our friendship was at stake.

1536
01:23:09.751 --> 01:23:11.275
Vanessa fell down.
And I was helping her.

1537
01:23:11.319 --> 01:23:13.344
- I don't want to hear the excuses!
- It's not an excuse!

1538
01:23:13.388 --> 01:23:14.616
I don't want to hear the excuses!

1539
01:23:14.656 --> 01:23:16.419
- I heard her yelling!
- I don't want to hear it.

1540
01:23:22.831 --> 01:23:24.594
I'm sorry.

1541
01:23:25.433 --> 01:23:26.730
'Kay?

1542
01:23:27.802 --> 01:23:29.235
Look at this. Look at this.

1543
01:23:30.271 --> 01:23:32.398
I fucked up, OK?

1544
01:23:32.440 --> 01:23:36.206
I fucked up and I always fuck up.
I am a fuck-up.

1545
01:23:36.244 --> 01:23:37.609
You think?

1546
01:23:38.613 --> 01:23:40.103
Harold...

1547
01:23:41.116 --> 01:23:42.413
you're my best friend, dude.

1548
01:23:43.785 --> 01:23:46.117
You mean the world to me, man.
I love you.

1549
01:23:46.154 --> 01:23:47.143
Queers.

1550
01:23:47.188 --> 01:23:48.212
And I promise you, if we figure out...

1551
01:23:48.256 --> 01:23:50.520
a way to get out of this,
I'm gonna change, OK?

1552
01:23:50.558 --> 01:23:52.492
It's not just gonna be
about Kumar all the time.

1553
01:23:52.527 --> 01:23:55.325
It'll be about Kumar and Harold.

1554
01:23:58.133 --> 01:23:59.725
Harold and Kumar.

1555
01:24:01.503 --> 01:24:02.800
I kind of like the first way better.

1556
01:24:02.837 --> 01:24:05.203
OK, OK. Harold and Kumar.

1557
01:24:05.240 --> 01:24:06.764
Harold and Kumar.

1558
01:24:10.044 --> 01:24:12.604
# The hotter the intensity #

1559
01:24:13.915 --> 01:24:15.644
It's not all your fault.

1560
01:24:16.651 --> 01:24:19.643
Yeah, it is. I brought weed on the plane.

1561
01:24:19.687 --> 01:24:22.815
- You got weed?
- No. The other plane.

1562
01:24:25.660 --> 01:24:29.858
No, I wish Neil Patrick Harris
were still alive, that guy fucking loves him.

1563
01:24:29.898 --> 01:24:32.662
He totally would have
been able to bail us out.

1564
01:24:34.002 --> 01:24:35.401
You just gave me an idea, man.

1565
01:24:36.638 --> 01:24:38.037
- What?
- I got this.

1566
01:24:39.974 --> 01:24:41.771
Hey, Burl...

1567
01:24:41.809 --> 01:24:44.835
- I actually still have some weed.
- You do?

1568
01:24:44.879 --> 01:24:47.507
- Seriously?
- Yeah. It's in my pants.

1569
01:24:47.549 --> 01:24:49.574
- Hold up.
- You want to smoke now?

1570
01:24:49.617 --> 01:24:50.777
Just let me...

1571
01:24:50.818 --> 01:24:52.046
- Harold, this is definitely not...
... get it.

1572
01:24:52.086 --> 01:24:53.075
...the time to smoke.

1573
01:24:56.291 --> 01:25:01.160
# Highway to the danger zone #

1574
01:25:01.896 --> 01:25:06.356
# Gonna take you
right into the danger zone #

1575
01:25:08.970 --> 01:25:14.499
# Highway to the danger zone #

1576
01:25:16.277 --> 01:25:18.108
Dude, you took Neil's Mace?

1577
01:25:18.146 --> 01:25:20.512
Been through a lot of shit,
figured we might need it.

1578
01:25:20.548 --> 01:25:21.537
Well, good call.

1579
01:25:25.587 --> 01:25:28.021
Derek, can I get another water?

1580
01:25:28.056 --> 01:25:30.183
What the fuck?

1581
01:25:32.093 --> 01:25:33.993
- Keep your hands up.
- Please don't shoot us.

1582
01:25:34.028 --> 01:25:36.258
- Jesus Christ. OK, OK.
- Please don't shoot.

1583
01:25:36.297 --> 01:25:40.393
It will be a cold day in hell
before I let you hijack this plane.

1584
01:25:44.305 --> 01:25:46.273
Beecher, what are you doing?

1585
01:25:46.307 --> 01:25:48.901
Whose side are you on? I thought
I told you to stay in the cockpit!

1586
01:25:48.943 --> 01:25:51.741
Enough, Fox!
I've had enough of your crap!

1587
01:25:51.779 --> 01:25:53.303
You think that just because I'm smart...

1588
01:25:53.348 --> 01:25:56.784
you can treat me
like some dork in gym class?

1589
01:25:56.818 --> 01:26:00.618
It's obvious these kids are innocent.
But you're too dumb to realize that.

1590
01:26:00.655 --> 01:26:03.419
You know, it's people like you...

1591
01:26:03.458 --> 01:26:05.722
who make the world think
that Americans are stupid!

1592
01:26:05.760 --> 01:26:10.288
Well, we're not stupid! And we're not
gonna take this shit anymore!

1593
01:26:12.433 --> 01:26:14.458
It's OK, guys.

1594
01:26:14.502 --> 01:26:15.901
It's all over now.

1595
01:26:16.704 --> 01:26:18.797
Everything's gonna be all right.

1596
01:26:23.611 --> 01:26:24.873
Jesus!

1597
01:26:29.851 --> 01:26:31.250
Fuck!

1598
01:26:32.320 --> 01:26:34.254
I don't wanna die!

1599
01:26:34.289 --> 01:26:35.483
Kumar!

1600
01:26:35.523 --> 01:26:38.151
- What?
- I have the parachute!

1601
01:26:38.192 --> 01:26:39.523
Come over here.

1602
01:26:39.560 --> 01:26:42.290
How the fuck am I supposed to do that?

1603
01:26:42.330 --> 01:26:43.820
Swim!

1604
01:26:51.239 --> 01:26:52.706
Holy shit.

1605
01:26:52.740 --> 01:26:54.833
It's fucking working!

1606
01:26:59.514 --> 01:27:01.482
Yeah!

1607
01:27:02.817 --> 01:27:04.682
I love you, dude.

1608
01:27:08.756 --> 01:27:10.519
Shit!

1609
01:27:12.193 --> 01:27:14.627
Don't worry about him. I have an idea.

1610
01:27:14.662 --> 01:27:16.960
- What?
- Hang on.

1611
01:27:22.503 --> 01:27:24.471
Fuck you!

1612
01:27:28.409 --> 01:27:31.207
Man, that was so fuckin' extreme.

1613
01:27:32.613 --> 01:27:34.808
It was.

1614
01:27:37.251 --> 01:27:38.946
- Kumar?
- Yeah.

1615
01:27:41.356 --> 01:27:43.153
Our dicks are touching, aren't they?

1616
01:27:44.659 --> 01:27:46.820
Yeah, I guess they are.

1617
01:27:46.861 --> 01:27:49.159
- Yeah.
- OK, I was just checking.

1618
01:27:50.298 --> 01:27:54.234
Roldy, can you move us out of the way?
There's a house coming up down here.

1619
01:27:55.370 --> 01:27:58.066
I have no idea what I'm doing.

1620
01:28:05.380 --> 01:28:06.540
Dude!

1621
01:28:09.317 --> 01:28:13.151
The glass hurt my dick.
The glass hurt my dick.

1622
01:28:15.223 --> 01:28:17.191
I think I'm OK. Yeah.

1623
01:28:18.259 --> 01:28:20.591
- Dude. Dude.
- Oh, my God.

1624
01:28:20.628 --> 01:28:23.392
- No, shit, dude. You all right?
- Fuck! I think so!

1625
01:28:23.431 --> 01:28:25.695
We gotta get out of here before
the people who live here find us.

1626
01:28:25.733 --> 01:28:27.360
I know. They're gonna be...

1627
01:28:28.970 --> 01:28:31.063
Dude? Dude?

1628
01:28:31.105 --> 01:28:32.436
What's up?

1629
01:28:37.478 --> 01:28:39.605
- No.
- Holy shit!

1630
01:28:39.647 --> 01:28:42.582
What the hell are y'all
doing in my office?

1631
01:28:43.818 --> 01:28:46.343
You'd better start giving me
some answers!

1632
01:28:46.387 --> 01:28:48.514
George?
We're gonna be late for that wedding.

1633
01:28:48.556 --> 01:28:51.923
Shit. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys.
Keep quiet. Follow me.

1634
01:28:51.959 --> 01:28:55.292
That guy scares the crap out of me.
Let's go hide in the guesthouse.

1635
01:28:55.329 --> 01:28:58.093
- Come the fuck on.
- I'm coming.

1636
01:29:15.416 --> 01:29:17.316
# Yeah #

1637
01:29:18.486 --> 01:29:21.546
- This is a cool room.
- Yeah.

1638
01:29:21.589 --> 01:29:25.320
Yeah, this is where
I come to escape from work.

1639
01:29:25.359 --> 01:29:28.021
- Here?
- Yes, sir.

1640
01:29:29.497 --> 01:29:32.591
- So who the heck are you guys?
- All right.

1641
01:29:32.633 --> 01:29:34.328
My name is Harold Lee, sir...

1642
01:29:34.368 --> 01:29:35.960
and this is Kumar Patel.

1643
01:29:37.772 --> 01:29:41.970
Anyway, we were on a parachute
and we sort of landed on your ranch.

1644
01:29:42.009 --> 01:29:43.670
Dude, this is weed.

1645
01:29:44.579 --> 01:29:46.240
That's Alabama Kush.

1646
01:29:46.280 --> 01:29:47.542
That's only the finest.

1647
01:29:47.582 --> 01:29:50.278
So you get high and then you put
other people who smoke weed in jail?

1648
01:29:51.519 --> 01:29:52.816
- That's so hypocritical.
- Dude, look...

1649
01:29:52.854 --> 01:29:55.721
Yeah? Well, let me ask you
something, Kumar.

1650
01:29:55.756 --> 01:29:58.316
- You like giving hand jobs?
- No, sir.

1651
01:29:58.359 --> 01:30:01.055
- You like getting hand jobs?
- Yeah.

1652
01:30:01.095 --> 01:30:04.189
All right. Well, that makes you
a fucking hypocriticizer too.

1653
01:30:04.232 --> 01:30:07.565
So shut the fuck up
and smoke my weed.

1654
01:30:24.619 --> 01:30:25.608
Hey, love.

1655
01:30:25.653 --> 01:30:30.090
What are you doing here? It's bad luck.
The ceremony starts in a hour.

1656
01:30:30.124 --> 01:30:31.921
I just want to let you know...

1657
01:30:31.959 --> 01:30:34.052
I had catering get an extra case
of Coors Light...

1658
01:30:34.095 --> 01:30:35.084
in case the President comes.

1659
01:30:35.129 --> 01:30:36.460
It's his favorite beer.

1660
01:30:36.497 --> 01:30:39.432
- Do you think that'll be enough?
- I don't know. Yes?

1661
01:30:39.467 --> 01:30:41.196
Who cares?

1662
01:30:42.169 --> 01:30:46.230
Look, were you able to work
everything out with Kumar and Harold?

1663
01:30:46.274 --> 01:30:49.607
Don't worry, Chestnut.
I took complete care of 'em.

1664
01:30:57.885 --> 01:31:00.547
They thought you guys were terrorizers.

1665
01:31:01.122 --> 01:31:04.819
Wait. That's not funny, man.
They sent us to Guantànamo Bay.

1666
01:31:04.859 --> 01:31:07.589
Fuck! G. Bay?

1667
01:31:08.296 --> 01:31:10.355
Tell me you didn't eat
that cockmeat sandwich.

1668
01:31:11.599 --> 01:31:15.831
No. No, we did not eat the cockmeat
sandwich. We escaped, thank God.

1669
01:31:15.870 --> 01:31:19.271
That cockmeat sandwich.
That's my favorite.

1670
01:31:19.307 --> 01:31:20.501
Oh, my God.

1671
01:31:22.076 --> 01:31:24.738
- This is good shit.
- I know. I know.

1672
01:31:24.779 --> 01:31:26.747
- I laced it with blow.
- Fuck.

1673
01:31:26.781 --> 01:31:29.579
So it knocks you out, and it keeps you
going at the same time.

1674
01:31:31.118 --> 01:31:34.417
If you like weed so much,
why don't you just legalize it?

1675
01:31:34.455 --> 01:31:36.616
Are you fucking kidding me?

1676
01:31:36.657 --> 01:31:39.683
You know how pissed off
my dad would get if I did that?

1677
01:31:39.727 --> 01:31:41.991
Holy shit, dude.

1678
01:31:42.029 --> 01:31:44.327
My dad's all up in my shit too,
about this whole...

1679
01:31:44.365 --> 01:31:45.354
- med school thing, right?
- I know.

1680
01:31:45.399 --> 01:31:47.663
And it's not that I don't
want to be a doctor, but like...

1681
01:31:48.135 --> 01:31:51.263
fucking... sometimes I wonder
if he's just encouraging me...

1682
01:31:51.305 --> 01:31:52.795
because he knows it'll make me happy...

1683
01:31:52.840 --> 01:31:56.799
or because he wants me
to carry on his legacy, you know?

1684
01:31:57.878 --> 01:31:59.937
You just blew my fuckin' mind.

1685
01:32:11.092 --> 01:32:13.686
- Hi.
- Hi. You look good.

1686
01:32:13.728 --> 01:32:15.719
Daddy.

1687
01:32:15.763 --> 01:32:17.390
Yeah, it's W.

1688
01:32:19.266 --> 01:32:21.700
I don't need your friends
to tell me what to do anymore.

1689
01:32:23.371 --> 01:32:26.033
- No, I'm not being disrespectful.
- That's what I say.

1690
01:32:26.073 --> 01:32:29.008
I'm just saying that
I can handle my own shit, all right?

1691
01:32:29.043 --> 01:32:31.978
I mean, I don't need them to tell me
how to do what I have to do.

1692
01:32:32.013 --> 01:32:33.878
Yeah, dude!

1693
01:32:33.914 --> 01:32:36.712
Yeah, well you know what?
Yeah, well, fuck you, Dad.

1694
01:32:36.751 --> 01:32:38.844
Fuck you!

1695
01:32:41.589 --> 01:32:43.887
- Dude, that was awesome.
- You guys are awesome.

1696
01:32:43.924 --> 01:32:44.913
- No. No.
- You're awesome!

1697
01:32:44.959 --> 01:32:47.587
- You are awesomer.
- Sir, you are awesome.

1698
01:32:47.628 --> 01:32:49.095
Seriously.

1699
01:32:49.130 --> 01:32:51.928
Listen, about our situation...

1700
01:32:51.966 --> 01:32:56.494
Fuck that. Listen, guys, guys, guys.
I am the fucking President, all right?

1701
01:32:56.537 --> 01:32:59.267
That means I get to pardon whoever
I want. You guys are in the fuckin' clear.

1702
01:32:59.306 --> 01:33:00.364
Don't worry.

1703
01:33:00.408 --> 01:33:04.538
- Holy shit. Are you serious? Thank you.
- Oh, my God. Thank you, Mr. President.

1704
01:33:04.578 --> 01:33:05.602
Yeah.

1705
01:33:05.646 --> 01:33:08.911
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Don't mention it.

1706
01:33:09.550 --> 01:33:13.714
But, listen, to be honest, after
all the shit that we've been through...

1707
01:33:13.754 --> 01:33:17.747
I don't know if we can trust
our government anymore.

1708
01:33:17.792 --> 01:33:19.851
- Trust the government?
- Yeah.

1709
01:33:19.894 --> 01:33:22.795
Heck. I'm in the government
and I don't even trust it.

1710
01:33:22.830 --> 01:33:27.233
You don't have to believe in your
government to be a good American.

1711
01:33:31.338 --> 01:33:33.602
You just have to believe in your country.

1712
01:33:34.375 --> 01:33:35.865
Exactly.

1713
01:33:35.910 --> 01:33:38.242
- Exactly.
- Right.

1714
01:33:38.279 --> 01:33:39.940
This is good shit, isn't it?

1715
01:33:41.615 --> 01:33:43.310
Yeah, it is.

1716
01:33:43.350 --> 01:33:46.877
If you guys need anything else,
just let me know, all right?

1717
01:33:46.921 --> 01:33:50.379
Actually, Mr. President,
there is one thing.

1718
01:33:52.426 --> 01:33:54.951
- This really came out great.
- Yeah, it did, man.

1719
01:33:54.995 --> 01:33:56.724
I lit a lot of these candles.

1720
01:34:10.177 --> 01:34:11.735
Great.

1721
01:34:14.048 --> 01:34:16.278
- All clear.
- Safe to proceed.

1722
01:34:17.651 --> 01:34:19.516
He's here! I knew he'd come.

1723
01:34:23.891 --> 01:34:25.324
All right, let 'em in.

1724
01:34:29.697 --> 01:34:31.358
- What is happen...
- Who is that?

1725
01:34:31.398 --> 01:34:34.026
- Harold?
- Kumar?

1726
01:34:34.068 --> 01:34:38.300
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize
for interrupting this beautiful ceremony.

1727
01:34:38.339 --> 01:34:40.068
But there is no way in hell...

1728
01:34:40.107 --> 01:34:43.008
that I'm letting the only woman
I've ever loved marry that piece of shit.

1729
01:34:44.812 --> 01:34:47.246
Security, get them out of here, please.

1730
01:34:47.281 --> 01:34:50.808
These guys?
No, see, they're with us. Yeah.

1731
01:34:50.851 --> 01:34:53.843
Looks like I got a little more pull
with the President than you, bitch.

1732
01:34:56.924 --> 01:35:00.018
- What the hell is going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.

1733
01:35:00.060 --> 01:35:02.654
Your fiancé promised
to get us out of trouble.

1734
01:35:02.696 --> 01:35:06.496
But instead he arranged for us
to be sent back to Guantànamo Bay...

1735
01:35:06.534 --> 01:35:09.970
where we'd be forced
to suck Big Bob's fat dick.

1736
01:35:13.174 --> 01:35:15.301
- Is this true?
- Yeah, it's true.

1737
01:35:15.342 --> 01:35:17.071
I'll take care of this myself.

1738
01:35:19.547 --> 01:35:20.639
- OK, wait.
- No...

1739
01:35:23.050 --> 01:35:24.517
You son of a bitch.

1740
01:35:26.353 --> 01:35:27.877
I loved you, man.

1741
01:35:31.959 --> 01:35:34.519
- I can't believe this.
- Vanessa, let me explain...

1742
01:35:34.562 --> 01:35:36.462
Explain?

1743
01:35:36.497 --> 01:35:37.862
Explain why you're putting me through...

1744
01:35:37.898 --> 01:35:40.264
the most embarrassing moment
of my life?

1745
01:35:41.769 --> 01:35:46.866
Well, what if I did
something embarrassing to myself?

1746
01:35:46.907 --> 01:35:47.931
Would that make you feel better?

1747
01:35:47.975 --> 01:35:50.705
There's nothing you can do
that would be this embarrassing.

1748
01:35:55.249 --> 01:35:59.652
I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

1749
01:36:02.990 --> 01:36:05.481
A three is all that's good and right

1750
01:36:05.526 --> 01:36:09.895
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square-root sign?

1751
01:36:09.930 --> 01:36:11.625
I wish instead I were a nine

1752
01:36:11.665 --> 01:36:15.396
For nine could thwart this evil trick
With just some quick arithmetic

1753
01:36:16.637 --> 01:36:18.127
I know I'll never see the sun

1754
01:36:18.172 --> 01:36:20.072
As 1.7321

1755
01:36:20.107 --> 01:36:22.302
You fucking tool.

1756
01:36:22.343 --> 01:36:24.573
Quiet, anus.

1757
01:36:27.147 --> 01:36:31.140
Such is my reality
A sad irrationality

1758
01:36:31.185 --> 01:36:33.745
When, hark, just what is this I see?

1759
01:36:34.588 --> 01:36:36.579
Another square root of a three

1760
01:36:36.624 --> 01:36:39.218
Has quietly come waltzing by

1761
01:36:39.260 --> 01:36:40.989
Together now we multiply

1762
01:36:41.028 --> 01:36:43.553
To form a number we prefer

1763
01:36:43.597 --> 01:36:45.588
Rejoicing as an integer

1764
01:36:47.001 --> 01:36:48.935
We break free from our mortal bonds

1765
01:36:48.969 --> 01:36:50.834
And with a wave of magic wands

1766
01:36:50.871 --> 01:36:53.271
Our square-root signs become unglued

1767
01:36:53.307 --> 01:36:55.571
And love for me has been renewed

1768
01:37:04.685 --> 01:37:06.482
You were right.

1769
01:37:06.520 --> 01:37:09.318
- That was pretty lame.
- Told you.

1770
01:37:10.691 --> 01:37:15.458
Look, I can't promise you
the kind of lifestyle that Colton could.

1771
01:37:15.496 --> 01:37:18.294
And I can't promise you
that I'm gonna mature overnight.

1772
01:37:18.332 --> 01:37:20.766
But what I can promise you is that...

1773
01:37:27.141 --> 01:37:28.870
Sorry, I smoked weed
with the President.

1774
01:37:28.909 --> 01:37:30.740
I totally forgot
what I was going to say.

1775
01:37:33.247 --> 01:37:35.875
I can promise you
that I will always love you.

1776
01:37:35.916 --> 01:37:38.851
And I'll never try and make you
into something that you're not.

1777
01:37:40.187 --> 01:37:44.453
So, what do you say
you take a brother back?

1778
01:37:50.197 --> 01:37:52.256
Only if you promise to get me
out of this awkward situation...

1779
01:37:52.299 --> 01:37:53.323
as soon as possible.

1780
01:37:54.368 --> 01:37:55.460
Come here.

1781
01:37:58.906 --> 01:38:00.498
Yeah!

1782
01:38:04.945 --> 01:38:07.038
That's my boy!

1783
01:38:07.081 --> 01:38:08.309
Ku!

1784
01:38:14.621 --> 01:38:16.486
Come on.
Let's get the hell back to Jersey.

1785
01:38:16.523 --> 01:38:19.959
All right, hold on. First we gotta
do something for my buddy here.

1786
01:38:19.994 --> 01:38:21.894
- Got to go somewhere.
- Where?

1787
01:38:23.330 --> 01:38:27.164
# Ooh, baby, do you know
what that's worth? #

1788
01:38:27.201 --> 01:38:30.864
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #

1789
01:38:30.904 --> 01:38:35.068
# They say in heaven love comes first #

1790
01:38:35.109 --> 01:38:38.909
# We'll make heaven a place on earth #

1791
01:38:38.946 --> 01:38:43.076
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #

1792
01:38:54.061 --> 01:38:55.688
- Hey.
- Hey.

1793
01:38:57.331 --> 01:38:59.231
- No luck, huh?
- No.

1794
01:39:01.101 --> 01:39:03.934
Called every hotel in the city.
I walked all around.

1795
01:39:04.638 --> 01:39:06.037
I just can't find her anywhere.

1796
01:39:06.073 --> 01:39:07.540
- We'll find her.
- We'll find her, dude.

1797
01:39:12.713 --> 01:39:14.374
What?

1798
01:39:14.415 --> 01:39:16.542
Oh, my God, there she is.

1799
01:39:21.221 --> 01:39:23.587
- Roldy, she's hot.
- Dude, go get her!

1800
01:39:29.296 --> 01:39:32.356
Jesus, I'm sorry, man.

1801
01:39:32.399 --> 01:39:33.764
- So fuck it. Forget about that.
- Yeah.

1802
01:39:33.801 --> 01:39:35.325
It's probably
just some Amsterdam fling, all right?

1803
01:39:35.369 --> 01:39:36.427
We'll go back to the Jerz...

1804
01:39:36.470 --> 01:39:38.267
- in a couple of days, all right?
- No.

1805
01:39:39.540 --> 01:39:42.008
No, fuck it.

1806
01:39:42.042 --> 01:39:43.339
I came way too far.

1807
01:39:43.377 --> 01:39:44.969
We went through too much shit to...

1808
01:39:45.012 --> 01:39:46.445
I'm gonna talk to her.

1809
01:39:46.480 --> 01:39:47.572
No, no, no, dude, don't go in there.

1810
01:39:47.614 --> 01:39:48.740
- Come on.
- Just wait.

1811
01:39:48.782 --> 01:39:50.579
Come on, man.
Wait till we get back to Jersey.

1812
01:39:52.186 --> 01:39:53.312
What the fuck are you doing?

1813
01:39:53.353 --> 01:39:55.844
<i>- C'est quoi ton putain de prob/ème, toi?
- Harold!</i>

1814
01:39:55.889 --> 01:39:57.754
I didn't understand what you said.

1815
01:39:57.791 --> 01:40:00.487
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What the fuck are you doing, man?

1816
01:40:00.527 --> 01:40:03.155
- You're ruining my shot.
- You what?

1817
01:40:03.197 --> 01:40:05.256
Get off my set!

1818
01:40:05.299 --> 01:40:07.199
I'm so confused. What's...

1819
01:40:07.234 --> 01:40:09.600
- What's going on?
- Harold, I'm doing a photo shoot.

1820
01:40:10.537 --> 01:40:12.129
<i>For High Times magazine.</i>

1821
01:40:13.240 --> 01:40:16.937
Of course, you're a model.
You're very hot. You're a model.

1822
01:40:16.977 --> 01:40:19.172
Right. I always wondered
what you did for a living.

1823
01:40:19.213 --> 01:40:22.114
I'm sorry. So, wait a second.
So you're not with this dude?

1824
01:40:22.149 --> 01:40:23.912
Are you kidding? Me?

1825
01:40:23.951 --> 01:40:26.283
- Yeah.
- No.

1826
01:40:26.320 --> 01:40:28.686
Anton is like totally gay.

1827
01:40:34.561 --> 01:40:36.688
Harold, what are you doing here?

1828
01:40:37.831 --> 01:40:39.560
I didn't want to wait ten days
to see you...

1829
01:40:39.600 --> 01:40:42.125
so I thought
I would come and surprise you.

1830
01:40:43.737 --> 01:40:45.864
That is so sweet.

1831
01:40:45.906 --> 01:40:47.840
OK. It's sweet.

1832
01:40:47.875 --> 01:40:50.810
I've been thinking about you
this whole time.

1833
01:40:50.844 --> 01:40:52.334
- You have?
- I have.

1834
01:40:52.379 --> 01:40:55.871
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you.

1835
01:41:09.763 --> 01:41:11.390
Fuck yeah, dude.

1836
01:41:11.431 --> 01:41:13.729
Bang bang, Roldy.

1837
01:41:15.102 --> 01:41:17.229
Hello, Maria. My name is Kumar.

1838
01:41:17.271 --> 01:41:19.205
- I've heard so much about you.
- Hi.

1839
01:41:19.239 --> 01:41:20.501
This is Vanessa. Vanessa, Maria.

1840
01:41:20.541 --> 01:41:22.236
- Hey.
- Hey. How you doing?

1841
01:41:22.276 --> 01:41:25.973
Ladies and Roldy, how would you
like to get really fucking high...

1842
01:41:26.013 --> 01:41:27.810
since we're in Amsterdam?

1843
01:41:27.848 --> 01:41:29.042
- Yeah.
- Shall we?

1844
01:41:29.082 --> 01:41:32.074
- Sounds like a plan.
- Let's do it.

1845
01:41:32.119 --> 01:41:35.282
# So in the beginning
there was hum from a poet #

1846
01:41:35.322 --> 01:41:37.517
# Whose pulse felt drum, drum, drum #

1847
01:41:37.558 --> 01:41:38.991
# He would perform praise and all #

1848
01:41:39.026 --> 01:41:41.859
# Till one day he heard a voice call
come, come, come #

1849
01:41:41.895 --> 01:41:44.193
# Suspicious, he moved,
it was his cost #

1850
01:41:44.231 --> 01:41:46.825
# His missus he thinks
is a little lost #

1851
01:41:46.867 --> 01:41:50.530
# People get held back
by the voice inside 'em #

1852
01:41:50.571 --> 01:41:53.563
# Yeah, the voice said
the voices speak inside you #

1853
01:41:53.607 --> 01:41:59.910
# Rejoice and please let me invite you
to evil, greed and lies too #

1854
01:41:59.947 --> 01:42:02.040
# Yeah, confusing days,
he moved aways #

1855
01:42:02.082 --> 01:42:04.607
# He soon became #
# Boom boom boom #

1856
01:42:04.651 --> 01:42:07.176
# A knock on his door,
his heart is no more #

1857
01:42:07.221 --> 01:42:10.088
# A knock on his door,
his soul is no more #

1858
01:42:12.359 --> 01:42:14.054
# Yeah #

1859
01:42:16.663 --> 01:42:18.426
# That was in the beginning #

1860
01:42:18.465 --> 01:42:20.695
# The cops beat him
when all he wants is his freedom #

1861
01:42:20.734 --> 01:42:23.066
# So they defeat him,
whatever spirit he's got, beat him #

1862
01:42:23.103 --> 01:42:25.128
# And they teach him the rest of the world
don't need him #

1863
01:42:25.172 --> 01:42:27.766
# And he believes the disease
that he's heathen #

1864
01:42:27.808 --> 01:42:29.935
# Put up your fists
if all you want is freedom #

1865
01:42:29.977 --> 01:42:32.002
# Put up your fists if all you want is #

1866
01:42:37.618 --> 01:42:39.415
# That was in the beginning #

1867
01:42:42.623 --> 01:42:44.420
# And things change #

1868
01:42:48.562 --> 01:42:50.223
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #

1869
01:42:50.264 --> 01:42:54.257
# We keep holding on
and we keep being strong #

1870
01:42:54.301 --> 01:42:58.635
# And we keep going on,
and on and on and on #

1871
01:42:58.672 --> 01:43:03.200
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #

1872
01:43:03.243 --> 01:43:07.873
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #

1873
01:43:07.914 --> 01:43:12.374
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #

1874
01:43:12.419 --> 01:43:16.981
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #

1875
01:43:17.024 --> 01:43:21.393
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #

1876
01:43:21.428 --> 01:43:25.922
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #

1877
01:43:27.367 --> 01:43:30.234
# Brothers and sisters #
# Yeah #

1878
01:43:30.270 --> 01:43:33.433
# We're gonna have church tonight #
# Yeah, yeah! #

1879
01:43:33.473 --> 01:43:37.432
# And tonight this speaker
is Reverend Rufus Johnson #

1880
01:43:37.477 --> 01:43:41.174
# I wake up praising God every day #

1881
01:43:41.214 --> 01:43:46.151
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #

1882
01:43:46.186 --> 01:43:48.746
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #

1883
01:43:48.789 --> 01:43:52.520
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #

1884
01:43:52.559 --> 01:43:57.360
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #

1885
01:43:57.397 --> 01:43:59.661
# Nigger, I'm high, nigger, you high #
# Uh-huh #

1886
01:43:59.700 --> 01:44:02.464
# Let's get higher than
the motherfucking sky #

1887
01:44:02.502 --> 01:44:04.766
# Watch the butterflies hit the wall #

1888
01:44:04.805 --> 01:44:07.467
# And if you're feeling down
give your boy a call #

1889
01:44:07.507 --> 01:44:12.410
# Weed, it takes the stress away, that's
why Bizarre smokes ten blunts a day #

1890
01:44:12.446 --> 01:44:15.176
# It's nothing
but the sticky, icky, green stuff #

1891
01:44:15.215 --> 01:44:17.581
# Light it, pass it and take a puff #

1892
01:44:17.617 --> 01:44:20.051
# Having a bad day, stop by my house #

1893
01:44:20.087 --> 01:44:22.612
# 'Cause most likely
I got a blunt in my mouth #

1894
01:44:22.656 --> 01:44:24.681
# So sit down, relax and chill #

1895
01:44:24.725 --> 01:44:27.785
# And if you don't smoke weed
then, shit, I got some pills #

1896
01:44:27.828 --> 01:44:30.319
# What you need, girl, a fucking refill? #

1897
01:44:30.364 --> 01:44:32.992
# A fat bag of weed
and some Happy Meals? #

1898
01:44:33.033 --> 01:44:38.562
# Nah, baby, I don't smoke Newports,
only fat bags of weed in this Escort #

1899
01:44:38.605 --> 01:44:42.405
# I wake up praising God every day #

1900
01:44:42.442 --> 01:44:47.277
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #

1901
01:44:47.314 --> 01:44:49.942
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #

1902
01:44:49.983 --> 01:44:53.680
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #

1903
01:44:53.720 --> 01:44:58.521
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #

1904
01:44:58.558 --> 01:45:03.586
# Sunday morning, Bizarre have faith
Blunt in my mouth, watching TJ drink #

1905
01:45:03.630 --> 01:45:06.030
# Dangerous mind, just like Coolio #

1906
01:45:06.066 --> 01:45:08.694
# Only church I know
is Snoop Dogg's studio #

1907
01:45:08.735 --> 01:45:11.203
# Write out some raps,
throw it in my lap #

1908
01:45:11.238 --> 01:45:13.706
# Grab the Hennessy, get the acid tab #

1909
01:45:13.740 --> 01:45:16.368
# I'm glad that
I didn't move down South #

1910
01:45:16.410 --> 01:45:18.901
# Take care of my kids,
be the man of the house #

1911
01:45:18.945 --> 01:45:23.746
# Orange mushrooms and yellow stars
Fat bags of beetles in Mason jars #

1912
01:45:23.784 --> 01:45:26.082
# Get in the lap, come on, jump in #

1913
01:45:26.119 --> 01:45:29.020
# Bring a bottle of gin,
and two of your freaky friends #

1914
01:45:29.055 --> 01:45:31.523
# Fuck it! Let's go to see the point #

1915
01:45:31.558 --> 01:45:34.049
# Bring your son along,
shit, he can hit the joint #

1916
01:45:34.094 --> 01:45:36.790
# 'Cause rapping is a full-time job #

1917
01:45:36.830 --> 01:45:39.663
# All I want is smoke weed
and praise God, yeah #

1918
01:45:39.699 --> 01:45:43.465
# I wake up praising God every day #

1919
01:45:43.503 --> 01:45:48.440
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #

1920
01:45:48.475 --> 01:45:51.273
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #

1921
01:45:51.311 --> 01:45:54.872
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #

1922
01:45:54.915 --> 01:45:59.682
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #

1923
01:45:59.719 --> 01:46:01.812
# Break it down, yeah #

1924
01:46:01.855 --> 01:46:03.982
# We gonna slow it down right here #

1925
01:46:04.024 --> 01:46:09.519
# We havin' church up in here tonight
It's the Reverend Rufus Johnson #

1926
01:46:09.563 --> 01:46:14.865
# And we sittin' over here
at sixteen five-o, cone it #

1927
01:46:15.969 --> 01:46:20.372
# And ladies and gentlemen,
come in, praise God with us #

1928
01:46:20.407 --> 01:46:24.275
# I wake up praising God every day #

1929
01:46:24.311 --> 01:46:29.248
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #

1930
01:46:29.282 --> 01:46:32.080
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #

1931
01:46:32.118 --> 01:46:34.643
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #

1932
01:46:34.688 --> 01:46:37.179
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #

1933
01:46:37.224 --> 01:46:40.751
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #

1934
01:46:40.794 --> 01:46:45.925
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #

1935
01:46:45.966 --> 01:46:47.729
# Sunday morning #
# I wake up praising #

1936
01:46:47.767 --> 01:46:49.325
# Baptist #
# God every day #

1937
01:46:49.369 --> 01:46:51.394
# Catholic, Jehovah Witness #
# I wanna smoke some weed #

1938
01:46:51.438 --> 01:46:53.201
# Tabernacle, yeah #
# And #

1939
01:46:53.240 --> 01:46:54.901
# Roll me a J #
# Come praise God #

1940
01:46:54.941 --> 01:46:56.340
# Thank you, Jesus #

1941
01:46:56.376 --> 01:46:57.536
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Yeah #

1942
01:46:57.577 --> 01:46:58.839
# Thank you, Lord
# Services #

1943
01:46:58.879 --> 01:47:00.779
# Thank you, Lord #
# Sunday #

1944
01:47:00.814 --> 01:47:02.611
# For letting me #
# At 4:20 #

1945
01:47:02.649 --> 01:47:07.109
# Live another day #
# Brothers and sisters, Sunday at 4:20 #

1946
01:47:07.153 --> 01:47:09.644
# Come on, praise God #

1947
01:47:10.657 --> 01:47:13.125
# Just 'cause you smoke weed
don't mean you're a sinner #

1948
01:47:13.159 --> 01:47:15.059
# What? #
# Just 'cause you smoke weed #

1949
01:47:15.095 --> 01:47:16.619
# It don't mean you don't believe in God #

1950
01:47:17.964 --> 01:47:20.956
# Jesus will take care of you #

1951
01:47:21.001 --> 01:47:22.491
# Jesus #

1952
01:47:22.536 --> 01:47:24.731
# You need Jesus #

1953
01:47:39.052 --> 01:47:40.986
Motherfucker!