1
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:41,524
Billy Boy!
Get your ass ready!

2
00:00:41,602 --> 00:00:44,469
It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy
needs to get his drink on.

3
00:00:44,539 --> 00:00:46,632
- No, no, no. Give me that.
- Don't.

4
00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:48,937
- I'm gonna burn it once and for all.
- Stop that.

5
00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:51,638
Dude, it's been six months.
It's time to move on, okay?

6
00:00:51,712 --> 00:00:53,873
Whatever. Even if
I wanted to meet other women,

7
00:00:53,948 --> 00:00:55,245
I wouldn't even know what to do.

8
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,216
I've been out of the game
for so long.

9
00:00:57,285 --> 00:01:00,277
Dude, you come out with me tonight,
I promise you will get laid.

10
00:01:00,354 --> 00:01:02,413
Yeah, it sounds very tempting,

11
00:01:02,490 --> 00:01:04,287
but Berenson needs me to update
these financial models

12
00:01:04,358 --> 00:01:06,019
for the meeting
with the foreign investors.

13
00:01:06,093 --> 00:01:07,560
So what?
It's Friday night.

14
00:01:07,628 --> 00:01:09,357
The Germans are taking
an early flight back.

15
00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:11,022
The meeting got changed
to tomorrow.

16
00:01:11,098 --> 00:01:12,929
So? Why don't you
just get somebody else

17
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,558
to do your work for you?

18
00:01:14,635 --> 00:01:15,863
Who?

19
00:01:15,937 --> 00:01:19,964
Harold, I need you to update
those models for me.

20
00:01:20,041 --> 00:01:22,669
- Billy, aren't you supposed to...
- I know. Something just came up.

21
00:01:22,743 --> 00:01:24,836
I have this meeting
with these new clients tonight,

22
00:01:24,912 --> 00:01:27,710
and I'm never gonna have time
to get to those.

23
00:01:27,782 --> 00:01:30,342
So that's your
responsibility now, big boy.

24
00:01:30,418 --> 00:01:33,182
Make sure those are in
by 9:00 sharp tomorrow.

25
00:01:33,254 --> 00:01:35,552
With all the downsizing
that's been going on around here,

26
00:01:35,623 --> 00:01:38,751
we wouldn't want to have to tell Berenson
you've been slacking, now would we?

27
00:01:45,633 --> 00:01:47,157
Yeah.

28
00:01:47,235 --> 00:01:49,135
Okay, no problem.

29
00:01:49,203 --> 00:01:50,568
Hey.

30
00:01:50,638 --> 00:01:52,970
You have a great weekend,
okay, buddy?

31
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,668
I owe you one.
Just one.

32
00:01:56,177 --> 00:01:57,166
Thank you.

33
00:02:05,553 --> 00:02:09,080
Wow! That was amazing.
I cannot believe how easy that was.

34
00:02:09,156 --> 00:02:11,317
Dude, how do you think
I get all my shit done?

35
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:13,553
I'm telling you, those Asian guys
love crunching numbers.

36
00:02:13,628 --> 00:02:15,619
You probably
just made his weekend.

37
00:02:17,531 --> 00:02:18,930
<i>Chick magnet</i>

38
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,662
<i>Chick magnet. Chick magnet</i>

39
00:02:21,736 --> 00:02:24,068
<i>Chick magnet. Yeah</i>

40
00:02:24,138 --> 00:02:25,435
Fuck.

41
00:02:26,307 --> 00:02:28,036
An excellent point, Mr. Patel.

42
00:02:28,109 --> 00:02:30,634
You are one of the finest applicants
I have ever interviewed.

43
00:02:30,711 --> 00:02:31,905
Thank you.

44
00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:36,006
It comes as no surprise. Your father
is highly respected in his field.

45
00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:37,744
As you probably heard
from your old man,

46
00:02:37,818 --> 00:02:40,946
he and I had some pretty wild times
back in med school.

47
00:02:41,022 --> 00:02:42,182
Really?

48
00:02:42,256 --> 00:02:45,282
Yeah. We started
our own basketball team...

49
00:02:45,359 --> 00:02:47,293
the Hemoglobin Trotters.

50
00:02:47,828 --> 00:02:50,388
Hemo-globin Trotters...
get it?

51
00:02:50,464 --> 00:02:55,834
A play on the name of the famous
colored, Negro basketball squad...

52
00:02:55,903 --> 00:02:58,133
black, African-American.

53
00:02:58,205 --> 00:03:00,935
You know, people of colors.

54
00:03:01,008 --> 00:03:04,603
Let's end up with one final question,
just as a formality.

55
00:03:04,679 --> 00:03:08,615
What are some potential
symptoms of pancreatitis?

56
00:03:08,683 --> 00:03:11,675
Well, you would have
epigastric tenderness,

57
00:03:11,752 --> 00:03:13,583
diffuse abdominal tenderness...

58
00:03:14,355 --> 00:03:16,619
I'm sorry.
Can you hold on one second?

59
00:03:18,559 --> 00:03:20,151
Kumar's phone.
Kumar speaking.

60
00:03:20,227 --> 00:03:21,990
Hey, what's up? It's me.
What are you doing?

61
00:03:22,063 --> 00:03:24,156
Nothing important. I can talk.
What's going on?

62
00:03:24,231 --> 00:03:28,497
Listen, I can't party tonight, okay?
I gotta stay late at the office.

63
00:03:28,569 --> 00:03:30,503
Dude, fuck that shit.
We had plans.

64
00:03:30,571 --> 00:03:32,596
I know, but I got
a lot of work to do.

65
00:03:32,673 --> 00:03:36,074
When has getting high ever
prevented you from doing your work?

66
00:03:36,143 --> 00:03:37,132
Jesus!

67
00:03:38,546 --> 00:03:40,810
<i>Believe me.
I would love to come home. Okay?</i>

68
00:03:40,881 --> 00:03:42,644
<i>- I got a lot of work to do.
- Thank you. I'll do that.</i>

69
00:03:42,717 --> 00:03:44,810
I got a quarter of the
finest herb in New York City.

70
00:03:44,885 --> 00:03:46,580
I'm not smoking
that shit alone, okay?

71
00:03:46,654 --> 00:03:49,384
So you need to just chill the fuck out
and prepare to get blazed

72
00:03:49,457 --> 00:03:51,049
because in the next couple of hours,

73
00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:53,252
I expect both of us to be
blitzed out of our skulls, got it?

74
00:03:53,327 --> 00:03:54,521
All right, I got it.

75
00:03:54,595 --> 00:03:57,029
I'll talk to you later.
Where was I?

76
00:03:57,098 --> 00:04:00,465
We've got the severe anal discharge,
sometimes violent... a.k.a. Diarrhea.

77
00:04:00,534 --> 00:04:03,367
Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar
with diarrhea.

78
00:04:03,437 --> 00:04:06,304
Do you actually believe
after the way you've just behaved

79
00:04:06,374 --> 00:04:09,104
that I would ever even consider
recommending you for admission?

80
00:04:09,176 --> 00:04:11,041
No. I'm gonna
be honest with you.

81
00:04:11,112 --> 00:04:12,101
The only reason I'm applying

82
00:04:12,179 --> 00:04:13,476
is so my dad
will keep paying for my apartment.

83
00:04:13,547 --> 00:04:15,208
I really don't have a desire
to go to med school.

84
00:04:15,282 --> 00:04:17,842
But you have perfect MCAT scores.

85
00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:19,886
Yeah. Just 'cause you're
hung like a moose

86
00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,649
doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

87
00:04:22,189 --> 00:04:24,214
Get out! Bernadette,
show this young man to the door!

88
00:04:24,291 --> 00:04:27,852
And please bring in
some fresh diarrhe... dry towels!

89
00:05:03,497 --> 00:05:04,759
Yes!

90
00:05:04,832 --> 00:05:07,062
Right in front of the door.

91
00:05:10,337 --> 00:05:12,271
This is America, dude!
Learn how to drive!

92
00:05:12,339 --> 00:05:13,704
Better "ruck" tomorrow!

93
00:05:15,943 --> 00:05:18,776
- Extreme!
- Fucking assholes.

94
00:05:20,281 --> 00:05:21,509
Fuck.

95
00:06:00,521 --> 00:06:01,954
Okay.

96
00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:06,549
Be yourself.
Don't be nervous.

97
00:06:25,246 --> 00:06:27,908
So, Maria, what's been goin' on?

98
00:06:27,982 --> 00:06:31,941
I actually had a very long week
at work. How about you?

99
00:06:32,019 --> 00:06:34,351
Work was good.
I caught up on some sleep.

100
00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:37,049
Plus, the guy who works next to me
decided to bathe for a change.

101
00:06:37,124 --> 00:06:38,421
Really?

102
00:06:38,492 --> 00:06:40,357
So what are you up to tonight?

103
00:06:40,427 --> 00:06:42,691
Actually, I'm just gonna
be sitting on my ass,

104
00:06:42,763 --> 00:06:44,424
probably eat a whole pint
of Haagen-Dazs

105
00:06:44,498 --> 00:06:45,692
<i>while I watch Blind Date.</i>

106
00:06:45,766 --> 00:06:48,394
Well, that sounds awful.

107
00:06:50,471 --> 00:06:51,938
If you want some company,

108
00:06:52,006 --> 00:06:54,839
maybe you can come over
and sit on your ass at my place.

109
00:06:56,043 --> 00:06:57,510
That sounds nice.

110
00:07:44,224 --> 00:07:45,589
Bye.

111
00:07:47,528 --> 00:07:49,553
Bye. Bye.

112
00:08:05,212 --> 00:08:06,406
Kumar.

113
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,777
Yo.

114
00:08:14,088 --> 00:08:15,578
Yo, Kumar.

115
00:08:17,124 --> 00:08:18,716
Yo, I'm in here, dude.

116
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:28,094
Hey! What the hell are you doing?

117
00:08:28,168 --> 00:08:30,432
I'm trimming my pubes.

118
00:08:30,504 --> 00:08:32,802
Why aren't you
doing this in your room, man?

119
00:08:32,873 --> 00:08:35,364
The mirror's in here.
Hey, check it out. It's like a bonsai tree.

120
00:08:35,442 --> 00:08:36,431
Hey!

121
00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:38,808
Besides, man, it makes
your johnson look totally bigger.

122
00:08:38,879 --> 00:08:40,608
Please!

123
00:08:41,515 --> 00:08:45,178
Are those my scissors?
Dude, I trim my nose hair with those!

124
00:08:45,252 --> 00:08:48,346
Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair
with them for the past six months.

125
00:08:51,692 --> 00:08:54,286
Get out!
Get out of my room.

126
00:09:03,504 --> 00:09:05,199
<i>Kumar. It's Daddy.</i>

127
00:09:05,272 --> 00:09:07,331
<i>I hope your interview
today was good.</i>

128
00:09:07,408 --> 00:09:09,842
<i>I'm calling to remind you
that you have another one tomorrow</i>

129
00:09:09,910 --> 00:09:13,368
<i>with Dr. Wein from Cornell
at 10 a.m. Do not be late.</i>

130
00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:15,642
- Hook it up, bi-yatch.
- Let's do it.

131
00:09:24,391 --> 00:09:25,824
Fuck!

132
00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:32,556
<i>In tonight's top story.
A cheetah escaped earlier today</i>

133
00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:34,396
<i>from the Morristown Zoo.</i>

134
00:09:34,468 --> 00:09:38,370
<i>Oh, nice.
Sixteen Candles is on, man.</i>

135
00:09:38,439 --> 00:09:40,839
And the award for the least
heterosexual statement

136
00:09:40,908 --> 00:09:44,309
ever made in this apartment
goes to... Harold Lee.

137
00:09:44,378 --> 00:09:46,846
Come on down, man.
Take a bow.

138
00:09:46,914 --> 00:09:48,882
Shut up, man.
It's a classic.

139
00:09:48,949 --> 00:09:50,974
It's a very beautiful story
about someone

140
00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:54,316
who feels unnoticed,
unappreciated, unloved, you know?

141
00:09:54,388 --> 00:09:56,253
- Turn it.
- It's a good one, though.

142
00:09:56,323 --> 00:09:57,347
Homo.

143
00:09:57,424 --> 00:09:59,688
<i>Come on. Dude.
Just take one hit.</i>

144
00:10:01,395 --> 00:10:02,760
<i>Don't you wanna be cool?</i>

145
00:10:08,168 --> 00:10:10,363
<i>Hey. Man.
What are you doin'?</i>

146
00:10:10,437 --> 00:10:12,496
<i>I'm so high!</i>

147
00:10:13,674 --> 00:10:15,073
<i>Nothing can hurt me.</i>

148
00:10:16,443 --> 00:10:18,274
<i>No!</i>

149
00:10:18,345 --> 00:10:21,371
<i>- Marijuana kills.
- I love that shit.</i>

150
00:10:21,715 --> 00:10:23,774
We're so high right now.

151
00:10:23,851 --> 00:10:25,216
We're not low.

152
00:10:25,285 --> 00:10:28,686
Dude, I don't know about you,
but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls.

153
00:10:28,756 --> 00:10:30,314
No shit, dude.
Let's eat.

154
00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,881
No, I don't feel
like delivery tonight.

155
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,088
- What about KFC?
- We've been there too many times.

156
00:10:36,163 --> 00:10:38,859
I want something
we haven't had in a while.

157
00:10:39,433 --> 00:10:42,834
Something different,
something that'll really hit the spot.

158
00:10:43,871 --> 00:10:45,896
I want the perfect food.

159
00:10:45,973 --> 00:10:48,737
<i>Are you hungry?</i>

160
00:10:48,809 --> 00:10:52,370
<i>Then come to White Castle
and try our Slyder Special...</i>

161
00:10:53,747 --> 00:10:58,013
<i>Six burgers. Fries.
And a soft drink for only $2.99.</i>

162
00:10:59,219 --> 00:11:03,315
<i>Imagine all those burgers
in your stomach right now.</i>

163
00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:10,392
<i>Don't you like food
that's tasty and delicious?</i>

164
00:11:10,464 --> 00:11:11,522
I do.

165
00:11:11,598 --> 00:11:13,566
<i>Then what are you waiting for?</i>

166
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:16,728
<i>Head over to White Castle.
It's what you crave.</i>

167
00:11:18,372 --> 00:11:20,465
You sure you know
how to get there?

168
00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:22,566
I haven't been
to White Castle in ages.

169
00:11:22,643 --> 00:11:25,203
Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by
that multiplex in New Brunswick.

170
00:11:25,279 --> 00:11:26,268
Nice.

171
00:11:26,346 --> 00:11:27,836
- Rosenberg!
- Goldstein!

172
00:11:28,482 --> 00:11:32,543
Yo, Manny and Shevitz, get up.
We're going to White Castle.

173
00:11:32,619 --> 00:11:35,417
<i>No, we're watching
The Gift on HBO.</i>

174
00:11:35,489 --> 00:11:37,252
No, no, no.
No watching. We're starving.

175
00:11:37,858 --> 00:11:39,553
Hey, put that back.

176
00:11:39,626 --> 00:11:41,890
No eating until we get
to White Castle. Let's roll.

177
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,691
Sorry, kids,
we ain't going nowhere.

178
00:11:43,764 --> 00:11:45,994
Supposedly Katie Holmes
shows her titties in this movie.

179
00:11:46,066 --> 00:11:48,261
Is that all you Jews
ever think about... tits?

180
00:11:48,335 --> 00:11:51,736
Katie Holmes is a nice,
respectable, wholesome girl.

181
00:11:51,805 --> 00:11:54,638
And I'm gonna see her boobs.

182
00:11:54,708 --> 00:11:57,677
The things I would eat
out of her ass... you have no idea!

183
00:11:58,512 --> 00:12:00,275
That is
a completely vulgar statement.

184
00:12:00,347 --> 00:12:03,282
So is "I want to bang Britney Spears
on the bathroom floor."

185
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,113
But it's true.

186
00:12:05,185 --> 00:12:06,174
Touche.

187
00:12:06,253 --> 00:12:07,481
Hey, listen, if...

188
00:12:10,791 --> 00:12:12,588
<i>I think Kumar's a faygele.</i>

189
00:12:12,659 --> 00:12:14,786
They're totally gay for each other.

190
00:12:14,862 --> 00:12:17,228
- Hey, you wanna suck on this?
- Uh-huh.

191
00:12:19,032 --> 00:12:20,124
What the hell are you
bringing your bag for?

192
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,259
Try to get some work done
in the car.

193
00:12:22,336 --> 00:12:24,736
- Here, you're driving.
- Shit, I forgot my cell phone.

194
00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:26,932
You wanna run back and get it?

195
00:12:32,546 --> 00:12:34,639
No, we've gone too far.

196
00:12:35,549 --> 00:12:37,483
Hey, there's your girlfriend.

197
00:12:37,551 --> 00:12:39,041
You gonna talk to her this time,

198
00:12:39,119 --> 00:12:41,314
or are you gonna be
a Vagina McGinastein about it?

199
00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:44,218
What the hell are you doing?

200
00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:45,656
You could've asked her if she wanted
to come to White Castle with us.

201
00:12:45,726 --> 00:12:48,058
- Hold the elevator. Wait!
- Hey, how are...

202
00:12:49,796 --> 00:12:51,388
You're worthless.

203
00:12:52,099 --> 00:12:53,691
I'm not worthwhile.

204
00:12:53,767 --> 00:12:56,292
Just fucking talk to her once.
It won't be weird anymore.

205
00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:57,769
Look, it doesn't matter.

206
00:12:57,838 --> 00:13:00,636
The only girls who are interested in me
are girls I have no interest in.

207
00:13:00,707 --> 00:13:01,901
Like Cindy Kim.

208
00:13:01,975 --> 00:13:03,567
Speaking of Cindy,
she called earlier.

209
00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:06,306
One of those Asian clubs she's in
is throwing a party at her dorm tonight.

210
00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:08,439
God, she invites me to everything.

211
00:13:08,515 --> 00:13:11,678
So what? She's kind of fuckin' cute.
Let her touch your penis.

212
00:13:12,319 --> 00:13:13,684
Oh, look.

213
00:13:13,754 --> 00:13:15,813
It's the Brothers McFag.

214
00:13:15,889 --> 00:13:18,517
Let me guess... the one
with the purse is the catcher.

215
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:22,488
Come on, guys, let's get ourselves
some fucking Mountain Dew.

216
00:13:22,562 --> 00:13:23,551
Extreme!

217
00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:25,723
Yeah, extreme assholes.

218
00:13:25,799 --> 00:13:27,391
Why do I
have to be the catcher?

219
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:29,935
Dude, forget about those pricks.
Let's just get some food.

220
00:13:34,641 --> 00:13:37,735
I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat,
like, 20 of those burgers, man.

221
00:13:37,811 --> 00:13:42,441
Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers
and raise you 5 orders of fries.

222
00:13:44,651 --> 00:13:45,913
Dude, give me 35 cents.

223
00:13:52,926 --> 00:13:54,621
What's going on?
It didn't register.

224
00:13:54,695 --> 00:13:56,925
- What?
- Give me 35 more cents.

225
00:13:56,997 --> 00:14:00,228
- I don't have any more change.
- Should I just go through?

226
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:02,791
No, no, I don't like
breaking the law.

227
00:14:02,869 --> 00:14:04,393
Yeah, I can see that.

228
00:14:05,605 --> 00:14:08,073
Hey, move your ass!

229
00:14:08,141 --> 00:14:10,268
- I'm sorry. Hold on.
- I'm going through.

230
00:14:10,344 --> 00:14:12,039
No, don't.
No. No. Hold on.

231
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,979
Let me walk to a manned tollbooth
and I'll tell them what happened.

232
00:14:15,048 --> 00:14:17,983
- Sorry!
- Move, you fuckin' twat!

233
00:14:18,051 --> 00:14:20,019
- What's the fuckin' holdup here?
- Shit.

234
00:14:22,255 --> 00:14:24,985
Move, you retarded cocksucker!
Move!

235
00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:28,022
- Are you crazy?
- What?

236
00:14:29,496 --> 00:14:30,861
What are you doing?
Why you throwing the weed out?!

237
00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:33,161
- The cops are gonna catch us.
- No, they're not. Not for that.

238
00:14:33,233 --> 00:14:34,291
- Take this exit.
- What?

239
00:14:34,368 --> 00:14:35,528
- Take this exit!
- No!

240
00:14:35,602 --> 00:14:36,967
Dude!

241
00:14:37,037 --> 00:14:38,800
You know,
that was the last of our weed.

242
00:14:38,872 --> 00:14:41,363
Sorry. I get a little
paranoid sometimes.

243
00:14:41,441 --> 00:14:43,170
Now we're in Newark,
of all places.

244
00:14:43,243 --> 00:14:45,108
You know we're
gonna get shot.

245
00:14:45,178 --> 00:14:48,773
Maybe it's not as bad as they say.
Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.

246
00:14:48,849 --> 00:14:51,647
Check it out. Those guys
look like a lame version of us.

247
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,351
- Holy shit!
- Holy shit!

248
00:15:03,897 --> 00:15:05,888
Let's get the fuck outta here.

249
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:10,193
- Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
- Yeah, that was your fault.

250
00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:11,794
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.

251
00:15:14,808 --> 00:15:16,173
Yo, check it out.
We're almost there.

252
00:15:16,243 --> 00:15:17,767
Thank God. I'm starving.

253
00:15:17,844 --> 00:15:21,837
- Hello, New Brunswick!
- Prepare to gorge yourself.

254
00:15:21,915 --> 00:15:24,247
You know...
We need some tunage for this.

255
00:15:24,317 --> 00:15:25,875
Presets. Use the presets.

256
00:15:25,952 --> 00:15:27,817
Oh, come on, dude,
your whole life is preset.

257
00:15:27,888 --> 00:15:29,253
Try something new.

258
00:15:31,124 --> 00:15:33,888
Where is this place? Isn't it
supposed to be right around here?

259
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,485
- Chill. We'll find it.
- Wait a second... is that the multiplex?

260
00:15:36,563 --> 00:15:38,121
- Yes.
- Sweet!

261
00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:40,792
That means the White Castle
should be right around the corner.

262
00:15:42,536 --> 00:15:43,901
What the hell
is going on, Kumar?

263
00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:45,733
That does not look
like a White Castle to me.

264
00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:48,331
Uh-uh.
Dude, we gotta check this out.

265
00:15:53,113 --> 00:15:56,480
Hey, look here, fellas. You guys gonna
have to order from the drive-thru menu.

266
00:15:56,550 --> 00:15:58,575
What happened to the White Castle?

267
00:15:58,652 --> 00:15:59,641
What?

268
00:15:59,719 --> 00:16:01,619
There used to be a White Castle
right here in this location.

269
00:16:01,688 --> 00:16:02,677
Where is it?

270
00:16:02,756 --> 00:16:04,690
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, guys,

271
00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:07,158
but Burger Shack, they bought
this location about four years ago.

272
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:08,216
God!

273
00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:10,058
Please tell me there's
another White Castle in town.

274
00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:11,688
- No.
- Are you sure?

275
00:16:11,765 --> 00:16:12,789
Do I look like the kind of brother

276
00:16:12,866 --> 00:16:14,424
that would be unsure
about something like that?

277
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,867
Shit!
What are we gonna do?

278
00:16:16,937 --> 00:16:19,497
I don't know, man.
Should we just eat here?

279
00:16:19,573 --> 00:16:20,562
Hey. Psst.

280
00:16:22,275 --> 00:16:25,733
There's a White Castle that's
open 24 hours up in Cherry Hill.

281
00:16:25,812 --> 00:16:27,211
It's about
45 minutes from here.

282
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,043
I can make the trip
if you're willing to.

283
00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,845
Kumar, I got a shitload
of work to finish.

284
00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:32,407
You got that
med school interview.

285
00:16:32,486 --> 00:16:34,784
Forget about the med school
interview. It's a non-issue.

286
00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:36,345
What do you mean
it's a non-issue?

287
00:16:36,423 --> 00:16:39,586
Ding-dong!
May I interject for a second?

288
00:16:39,659 --> 00:16:42,753
As a Burger Shack employee
for the past three years,

289
00:16:42,829 --> 00:16:45,821
if there's one thing I've learned,
it's that if you're craving White Castle,

290
00:16:45,899 --> 00:16:47,560
the burgers here
just don't cut it.

291
00:16:48,535 --> 00:16:54,269
In fact, just thinking about those
tender little White Castle burgers

292
00:16:54,341 --> 00:16:56,309
with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions

293
00:16:56,376 --> 00:16:58,606
that just explode
in your mouth like flavor crystals

294
00:16:58,678 --> 00:17:00,168
every time you bite into one...

295
00:17:02,782 --> 00:17:05,410
...just makes me want
to burn this motherfucker down.

296
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,648
Come on, Pookie,
let's burn this motherfucker down!

297
00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:12,123
Come on, Pookie!
Let's burn it, Pookie!

298
00:17:12,192 --> 00:17:14,160
Let's burn this
motherfucker down!

299
00:17:14,227 --> 00:17:16,821
Let's burn it down!
Let's burn it!

300
00:17:19,432 --> 00:17:23,596
So you guys maybe should just
suck it up and go to White Castle.

301
00:17:24,971 --> 00:17:28,270
You can always get
your work done in the car.

302
00:17:28,808 --> 00:17:30,605
- Let's do it.
- All right. Awesome.

303
00:17:30,677 --> 00:17:33,840
Then listen, listen... no matter what,
we are not ending this night

304
00:17:33,914 --> 00:17:35,381
without White Castle
in our stomachs.

305
00:17:35,448 --> 00:17:36,642
- Agreed?
- Agreed.

306
00:17:37,117 --> 00:17:38,345
Wise choice.

307
00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:40,477
You guys might have
wanted to stay away

308
00:17:40,554 --> 00:17:42,920
from our special sauce tonight.

309
00:17:42,989 --> 00:17:45,617
Me and Pookie,
we added a secret ingredient.

310
00:17:47,894 --> 00:17:49,885
I'll give you a hint.

311
00:17:51,932 --> 00:17:53,024
It's semen.

312
00:17:56,703 --> 00:17:57,795
Semen.

313
00:17:57,871 --> 00:17:59,202
Animal semen.

314
00:18:08,181 --> 00:18:11,480
Dude, remember when Goldstein
used to work at that burger place?

315
00:18:14,621 --> 00:18:17,055
This is the most fucking confusing
movie I've ever seen...

316
00:18:17,123 --> 00:18:18,715
she's possessed,
she's not possessed.

317
00:18:18,792 --> 00:18:20,555
Dude, that rack better be stacked.

318
00:18:20,627 --> 00:18:22,891
- Tits! Tits!
- Boobies, boobies, boobies.

319
00:18:22,963 --> 00:18:25,158
Holy shit! Whoa!

320
00:18:25,232 --> 00:18:26,529
Those aren't real.
Yes, they are.

321
00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:29,357
You know, I'm almost
completely sober right now.

322
00:18:29,436 --> 00:18:31,461
I wish we had some more weed.

323
00:18:31,538 --> 00:18:33,130
Sorry.

324
00:18:33,206 --> 00:18:35,504
Princeton.

325
00:18:35,575 --> 00:18:37,475
- We're getting off here.
- Why?

326
00:18:37,544 --> 00:18:40,240
Because we're gonna sweet-talk
Cindy Kim into finding us some weed.

327
00:18:40,313 --> 00:18:41,302
- No.
- Why not?

328
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:42,939
You talk to her on the phone
all the time.

329
00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:44,574
She calls me.
Then she rambles on

330
00:18:44,651 --> 00:18:47,449
about her East Asian
Students Club or whatever.

331
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:48,851
Then I have to actually pretend
that I give a shit

332
00:18:48,922 --> 00:18:50,253
or else she calls me a Twinkie.

333
00:18:50,323 --> 00:18:51,517
A what?

334
00:18:51,591 --> 00:18:54,253
Twinkie... yellow on the outside,
white on the inside.

335
00:18:54,828 --> 00:18:56,090
Look, you Twinkie bitch,

336
00:18:56,162 --> 00:18:58,323
you were the one that threw
our weed out the window, okay?

337
00:18:58,398 --> 00:18:59,422
So we're going to Princeton,

338
00:18:59,499 --> 00:19:01,057
and it's your responsibility
to make sure we're high as shit

339
00:19:01,134 --> 00:19:02,897
by the time
we're eating those burgers.

340
00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:05,767
Forget it.
End of discussion.

341
00:19:05,839 --> 00:19:08,433
I am not seeing Cindy Kim.

342
00:19:08,508 --> 00:19:10,271
Harold, I'm so glad
you showed up.

343
00:19:10,343 --> 00:19:12,607
Yeah, me too.

344
00:19:12,679 --> 00:19:15,842
Did you like the hibiscus petals
I glued to the envelope I sent you?

345
00:19:15,915 --> 00:19:18,543
Yeah, they were nice.

346
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:22,247
Hey, dude, you know
where I can get some green?

347
00:19:25,091 --> 00:19:27,753
Dude, you know where
I can get some chronic?

348
00:19:27,827 --> 00:19:30,261
Jesus, what the hell kind of
lvy League school is this?

349
00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:31,661
Man.

350
00:19:31,731 --> 00:19:32,993
Over here, man.

351
00:19:34,134 --> 00:19:35,465
You lookin' to toke up?

352
00:19:35,535 --> 00:19:36,900
- Yes.
- Yes?

353
00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:39,666
Thank Christ. Just give me
a dime of your finest sticky.

354
00:19:39,739 --> 00:19:43,140
You wanna see
sticky-icky, my friend?

355
00:19:44,811 --> 00:19:45,903
Oh, my God!

356
00:19:45,979 --> 00:19:47,571
Whoa, man!

357
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:49,581
Don't touch, man.
That's not cool.

358
00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:51,310
You can't...

359
00:19:51,384 --> 00:19:53,443
Jeez! This is my baby!

360
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,149
Yes?

361
00:20:01,227 --> 00:20:03,218
Kenneth Park,
class of 2004.

362
00:20:03,296 --> 00:20:04,285
- Hi.
- Hi.

363
00:20:04,364 --> 00:20:06,889
Is it true you're an analyst
for Brewster Keegan?

364
00:20:08,368 --> 00:20:09,767
Yes, I'm a junior analyst.

365
00:20:09,836 --> 00:20:11,303
Awesome!

366
00:20:13,306 --> 00:20:14,830
I told you, he's good.

367
00:20:18,978 --> 00:20:21,742
- Yes.
- This is actually a two-part question.

368
00:20:21,815 --> 00:20:24,147
I'm applying for a summer
internship at Brewster Keegan.

369
00:20:24,217 --> 00:20:27,516
I was wondering, a) what's it like
being an investment banker,

370
00:20:27,587 --> 00:20:30,215
and b) would you write me
a recommendation?

371
00:20:32,392 --> 00:20:34,656
Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks.

372
00:20:34,728 --> 00:20:36,127
- 80 bucks?
- Yeah, 80 bucks.

373
00:20:36,196 --> 00:20:38,664
Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro.

374
00:20:38,732 --> 00:20:40,632
"Bro"?
I'm not your bro, bro.

375
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,167
Okay, and that's 80 bucks.

376
00:20:42,235 --> 00:20:43,793
You don't feel like
getting high tonight?

377
00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:46,668
If you don't feel like getting high,
that's cool with me,

378
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:48,799
because there's lots of people
around here. See this guy?

379
00:20:48,875 --> 00:20:49,864
Hey, loser.

380
00:20:49,943 --> 00:20:52,468
Hey, what's up, George?
I smoke buds with George all the time.

381
00:20:52,545 --> 00:20:54,513
What kind of hippie are you?

382
00:20:54,581 --> 00:20:57,209
What kind of hippie am I?
Man, I'm a business hippie.

383
00:20:57,283 --> 00:20:59,547
I understand the concept
of supply and demand.

384
00:20:59,619 --> 00:21:02,349
"What's it like
being an investment banker?"

385
00:21:02,422 --> 00:21:06,085
To be honest with you,
it's actually pretty aw...

386
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:11,224
...awesome.

387
00:21:11,297 --> 00:21:12,286
Excellent!

388
00:21:12,365 --> 00:21:15,994
As for the recommendation,
I guess I can make a couple calls.

389
00:21:16,069 --> 00:21:18,503
Actually, Harold, we should
be getting to the party.

390
00:21:18,571 --> 00:21:20,038
We can discuss all this stuff
on the way there.

391
00:21:20,106 --> 00:21:21,664
- It's just down the hall.
- Okay.

392
00:21:21,741 --> 00:21:25,700
I'm sorry. I can't go.
I have to wait for Kumar.

393
00:21:25,779 --> 00:21:27,269
You'll see him when we're done.

394
00:21:27,347 --> 00:21:29,508
Trust me,
you're gonna love this.

395
00:21:29,582 --> 00:21:32,278
Kenny's mom dropped off
a big pot of kimchi jigae.

396
00:21:32,352 --> 00:21:34,843
It's really good.
It's delicious.

397
00:21:34,921 --> 00:21:35,979
Yeah?

398
00:21:36,055 --> 00:21:37,682
That's nice.

399
00:21:38,191 --> 00:21:40,182
- 80 bucks, okay?
- Okay.

400
00:21:40,260 --> 00:21:43,320
- Hello.
- Are you guys about to smoke?

401
00:21:43,396 --> 00:21:46,331
Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you
wanna come back to my place?

402
00:21:46,399 --> 00:21:49,300
Please, like they want to go listen
to a bunch of Phish records

403
00:21:49,369 --> 00:21:51,564
while you read
your lame-ass poetry.

404
00:21:51,638 --> 00:21:53,196
Girls, you guys wanna hang out,

405
00:21:53,273 --> 00:21:55,366
maybe smoke a little weed
and have some fun?

406
00:21:55,442 --> 00:21:57,410
- All right.
- All right.

407
00:21:57,477 --> 00:21:59,342
My poetry's not lame.
It's really good.

408
00:21:59,412 --> 00:22:01,312
- Yeah, I'm sure.
- It's great.

409
00:22:01,381 --> 00:22:03,008
We're gonna eat before this gets cold.

410
00:22:03,082 --> 00:22:06,176
What you say we meet back
in our room in about 20 minutes?

411
00:22:06,252 --> 00:22:07,685
We're in room 109.

412
00:22:07,754 --> 00:22:11,190
109. Got it.
I'll see you ladies later, huh?

413
00:22:11,257 --> 00:22:12,554
Yes!

414
00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:16,789
109. We'll see
you ladies later. Yes!

415
00:22:17,330 --> 00:22:18,661
We're getting laid, bro.

416
00:22:22,202 --> 00:22:24,102
All right, I'll see you there, man.

417
00:22:25,371 --> 00:22:28,568
20... 20... 208?

418
00:22:28,641 --> 00:22:30,973
208. Yes! 208!

419
00:22:32,111 --> 00:22:34,102
Roldy, dude,
you gotta come quick.

420
00:22:34,180 --> 00:22:37,980
There's these two filthy pussies
just aching to get boned by us.

421
00:22:39,018 --> 00:22:42,317
I mean, there are these two
very lovely young pussies

422
00:22:42,388 --> 00:22:44,322
who would like to have
a chat with you and I.

423
00:22:44,390 --> 00:22:46,881
Sorry. Harold's coming with us.

424
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,087
That's bullshit. He's coming with me.
Isn't that right, Roldy?

425
00:22:50,196 --> 00:22:51,925
- Let's go to the party.
- No, no, no. Fuck that.

426
00:22:51,998 --> 00:22:55,161
Here. This is Harold's understudy.
You can do whatever you want.

427
00:22:55,235 --> 00:22:56,497
Roldy, let's go.

428
00:22:57,504 --> 00:22:58,732
Sorry.

429
00:22:58,805 --> 00:23:00,636
I can't believe you were gonna
ditch me for the Joy Luck Club.

430
00:23:00,707 --> 00:23:02,140
You know what their parties are like.

431
00:23:02,208 --> 00:23:04,506
What do you want me to say?
I was under pressure.

432
00:23:04,577 --> 00:23:06,602
Just say no.
That's all it takes. Here.

433
00:23:06,679 --> 00:23:07,941
All right, take a hit of that.

434
00:23:08,014 --> 00:23:09,311
What's going on up there?

435
00:23:09,382 --> 00:23:11,782
Barracuda to Sparrow,
Barracuda to Sparrow.

436
00:23:11,851 --> 00:23:14,342
We got two high-fliers
on level three.

437
00:23:18,491 --> 00:23:20,982
I just wanna talk!

438
00:23:23,763 --> 00:23:25,196
Dude, in here, in here.

439
00:23:25,265 --> 00:23:26,755
Women!

440
00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:28,664
What if someone
finds us in here?

441
00:23:28,735 --> 00:23:31,226
Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna
look for us in the girls' bathroom.

442
00:23:33,806 --> 00:23:35,171
Shit! Come here.

443
00:23:35,808 --> 00:23:38,572
It worked on me. There's no reason
it shouldn't work on you.

444
00:23:38,645 --> 00:23:41,170
But your breasts look beautiful.

445
00:23:41,247 --> 00:23:44,148
I just want those
cute little ping-pong breasts.

446
00:23:44,217 --> 00:23:46,151
You know, that kind of go...

447
00:23:47,954 --> 00:23:49,785
Hurry up because I want
to go smoke weed

448
00:23:49,856 --> 00:23:51,653
with that dishy Indian guy.

449
00:23:51,724 --> 00:23:53,589
It's gonna be a few minutes.

450
00:23:53,660 --> 00:23:57,152
I'm about to have
the worst case of taco shits.

451
00:23:57,230 --> 00:23:58,663
Oh, God.

452
00:24:05,071 --> 00:24:07,096
Great, I think I've got
to go, too.

453
00:24:24,924 --> 00:24:28,257
Hey, Clarissa, do you want
to play battle shits?

454
00:24:28,328 --> 00:24:30,694
- Oh, my God!
- Battle shits?

455
00:24:30,763 --> 00:24:33,755
We haven't played that
since back at camp.

456
00:24:33,833 --> 00:24:35,801
I know, I know.
Wait for it.

457
00:24:41,574 --> 00:24:42,871
Hit.

458
00:24:45,979 --> 00:24:48,277
Scag! You sank my destroyer!

459
00:24:57,290 --> 00:24:58,279
Fuck!

460
00:25:00,026 --> 00:25:02,290
I can't take it anymore!

461
00:25:05,598 --> 00:25:07,065
Christy, are you still there?

462
00:25:09,836 --> 00:25:13,135
Damn! You sank my battle shit!

463
00:25:13,206 --> 00:25:14,696
Shit.

464
00:25:18,177 --> 00:25:19,201
Dude!

465
00:25:21,114 --> 00:25:23,082
She said in 20-10?

466
00:25:23,149 --> 00:25:25,379
Have you seen
a Korean guy around here?

467
00:25:25,451 --> 00:25:28,318
Yeah, only when
I open my eyes, though.

468
00:25:29,389 --> 00:25:30,583
'Tard.

469
00:25:33,326 --> 00:25:35,351
20-11.

470
00:25:43,536 --> 00:25:44,969
Yo, this party's bumpin'!

471
00:25:45,038 --> 00:25:47,802
- Who wants some Buda?
- Yeah!

472
00:25:47,874 --> 00:25:51,435
Holy shit! Kenneth Park,
class of 2004.

473
00:25:51,511 --> 00:25:54,742
Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up
by not coming to this party.

474
00:25:54,814 --> 00:25:56,475
<i>I screwed up?</i>

475
00:25:56,549 --> 00:25:58,449
Can we have some pot brownies?

476
00:25:58,518 --> 00:26:00,611
I don't know.
I'm running a little low.

477
00:26:00,687 --> 00:26:02,052
A titty flash might persuade me.

478
00:26:02,121 --> 00:26:04,214
- Should we?
- I think you should.

479
00:26:04,290 --> 00:26:05,450
Okay.

480
00:26:08,027 --> 00:26:09,119
- Whoa.
- Whoa.

481
00:26:09,195 --> 00:26:10,355
Hey, you!

482
00:26:11,164 --> 00:26:12,222
Shit!

483
00:26:12,298 --> 00:26:14,163
Hey!

484
00:26:15,501 --> 00:26:17,332
- Hey!
- Let's get 'em! Halt!

485
00:26:17,403 --> 00:26:19,667
- Hey.
- Hey.

486
00:26:19,739 --> 00:26:21,900
- Harold! Harold!
- No, no, no.

487
00:26:22,942 --> 00:26:24,375
- Hey, dude!
- Come here!

488
00:26:26,879 --> 00:26:28,369
Well, well, well.

489
00:26:28,448 --> 00:26:30,245
- What do we have here?
- Oh, no! That's my baby!

490
00:26:30,316 --> 00:26:32,648
Hold his throat and groin.
Come on, rookie.

491
00:26:32,719 --> 00:26:34,311
Should we go back
for the weed?

492
00:26:34,387 --> 00:26:35,786
Are you crazy?
Run! Run!

493
00:26:38,057 --> 00:26:41,049
I can't believe it, man.
We were this close to getting laid.

494
00:26:41,127 --> 00:26:42,560
Oh, dude,
you always exaggerate.

495
00:26:42,628 --> 00:26:45,096
The diarrhea twins definitely
would have had sex with us.

496
00:26:45,164 --> 00:26:47,564
What about Cindy? She was
looking kinda cute tonight, man.

497
00:26:47,633 --> 00:26:49,863
Cindy's fine.
It's just...

498
00:26:49,936 --> 00:26:50,925
- Just what?
- We...

499
00:26:51,003 --> 00:26:52,630
Oh, you'd rather have Maria.

500
00:26:52,705 --> 00:26:53,694
Look, it doesn't matter.

501
00:26:53,773 --> 00:26:56,037
I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim
whether I like it or not.

502
00:26:56,109 --> 00:26:59,203
Can we just drop this and get
our asses to White Castle, man?

503
00:26:59,278 --> 00:27:01,405
Fine.
Maria.

504
00:27:04,517 --> 00:27:05,711
What are you doing?

505
00:27:05,785 --> 00:27:07,844
Daddy needs to urinate.

506
00:27:08,788 --> 00:27:09,880
Hurry up!

507
00:27:11,791 --> 00:27:13,418
I'm serious.
Don't take all night.

508
00:27:13,493 --> 00:27:14,926
All right.

509
00:27:56,302 --> 00:27:58,770
- Excuse me, I have to...
- Huh?

510
00:27:58,838 --> 00:28:02,831
I have to ask you.
Why are you peeing right here?

511
00:28:02,909 --> 00:28:04,103
What?

512
00:28:04,177 --> 00:28:06,839
I mean, why'd you pee
right next to me

513
00:28:06,913 --> 00:28:09,177
when you could choose
that bush or...

514
00:28:09,248 --> 00:28:11,216
This is a good bush to pee on.

515
00:28:12,218 --> 00:28:14,743
Why are you peeing on it?

516
00:28:14,821 --> 00:28:16,948
Well, no one was here
when I chose this bush.

517
00:28:17,023 --> 00:28:18,149
Oh.

518
00:28:18,224 --> 00:28:21,091
So you get to pee on it
and no one else does? Huh?

519
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,492
- No, I just...
- This your bush?

520
00:28:23,563 --> 00:28:26,031
You have a special bond
with this bush?

521
00:28:26,098 --> 00:28:29,033
- No, I just thought that...
- You the king of the forest?

522
00:28:29,101 --> 00:28:30,329
- I'm sorry?
- What?

523
00:28:30,403 --> 00:28:34,100
Are you a fuckin' tree-hugger?
Is this your special bush?!

524
00:28:34,173 --> 00:28:36,698
Never mind. Forget it. I really
don't feel like getting stabbed tonight.

525
00:28:42,248 --> 00:28:43,476
Nice pubes.

526
00:28:47,220 --> 00:28:48,209
Thanks.

527
00:29:11,544 --> 00:29:13,535
Do you even know
where you're going?

528
00:29:13,613 --> 00:29:15,706
I'm gonna be honest,
I'm a little lost, but, you know,

529
00:29:15,781 --> 00:29:17,874
once we get back on the highway,
we'll be there soon, don't worry.

530
00:29:17,950 --> 00:29:19,281
We'd better.

531
00:29:20,386 --> 00:29:22,581
Shit. Now it's raining.

532
00:29:23,422 --> 00:29:24,719
Put on your wipers.

533
00:29:24,790 --> 00:29:26,348
What are you talking about?
It's just a little mist.

534
00:29:26,425 --> 00:29:28,689
Yeah, mist,
hence the mist setting.

535
00:29:28,761 --> 00:29:31,389
It's a safety issue, okay?
There we go.

536
00:29:31,464 --> 00:29:34,729
Thank you, Mr. Wizard.
What crawled up your ass?

537
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,200
I'm completely on edge
right now, man.

538
00:29:37,270 --> 00:29:38,862
After all the shit that
we've been through tonight,

539
00:29:38,938 --> 00:29:40,929
I don't know
how much more I can take.

540
00:29:41,607 --> 00:29:43,939
Oh, shit! How the fuck
did that get in here?

541
00:29:44,010 --> 00:29:45,102
Oh, shit!

542
00:29:48,814 --> 00:29:51,544
He bit me!
I've got rabies!

543
00:29:53,152 --> 00:29:54,141
Oh, my God!

544
00:29:54,220 --> 00:29:56,381
Dude, get that fuckin'
cancer raccoon away from me!

545
00:29:56,455 --> 00:29:57,922
Open my window!

546
00:29:57,990 --> 00:30:00,584
Fuck you, raccoon!

547
00:30:03,029 --> 00:30:04,621
What the Christ?

548
00:30:05,364 --> 00:30:08,390
- Shit!
- Shit!

549
00:30:11,938 --> 00:30:13,769
Jesus! You all right?

550
00:30:13,839 --> 00:30:16,000
I don't know.

551
00:30:16,776 --> 00:30:18,175
Shit.

552
00:30:18,711 --> 00:30:20,269
Shit, dude,
he's coming over here.

553
00:30:21,380 --> 00:30:23,143
Probably some old blind bitch!

554
00:30:23,215 --> 00:30:27,117
- What the fuck are you doing?
- We're sorry. We're very sorry!

555
00:30:27,186 --> 00:30:29,916
- Holy shit!
- Goldstein?

556
00:30:29,989 --> 00:30:31,957
Dude, it's Rold and Kumar.

557
00:30:32,024 --> 00:30:34,584
Shit. What's going on, man?

558
00:30:34,660 --> 00:30:37,254
- What's up, dude? What's up?
- All right.

559
00:30:37,330 --> 00:30:38,729
What the hell
are you guys doing here?

560
00:30:38,798 --> 00:30:41,824
We got the munchies, so we
decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven.

561
00:30:41,901 --> 00:30:43,801
How about you?
How was White Castle?

562
00:30:43,869 --> 00:30:46,497
We haven't gotten there yet.
I think I may have rabies.

563
00:30:46,572 --> 00:30:48,506
Yo, dude, how were
Katie Holmes' tits?

564
00:30:48,574 --> 00:30:50,565
- You know the Holocaust?
- Yeah.

565
00:30:50,643 --> 00:30:52,577
Picture the exact
opposite of that.

566
00:30:52,645 --> 00:30:54,306
Nice.

567
00:30:55,247 --> 00:30:56,544
Boy, do you need a girl.

568
00:30:56,615 --> 00:30:58,276
If you guys
got the yellow fever,

569
00:30:58,351 --> 00:31:00,216
there's a rockin' Asian party
down at Princeton.

570
00:31:00,286 --> 00:31:01,651
Dude, I got the yellow plague.

571
00:31:01,721 --> 00:31:04,588
There's nothing sexier
than a hot Asian chick!

572
00:31:04,657 --> 00:31:06,318
Asian tits...
I wanna squeeze 'em!

573
00:31:06,392 --> 00:31:08,826
Stop. Don't do that.
Please, do not touch me.

574
00:31:08,894 --> 00:31:10,020
I'm very woozy.

575
00:31:10,096 --> 00:31:12,087
I think I have to go
to the hospital.

576
00:31:12,164 --> 00:31:14,155
You should go
to Beth Israel.

577
00:31:14,233 --> 00:31:16,565
- We gotta hit up this Asian joint.
- No, we don't.

578
00:31:16,635 --> 00:31:19,968
We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven.
No more detours along the way.

579
00:31:20,039 --> 00:31:21,836
- This is what I'm dealing with.
- Come on!

580
00:31:21,907 --> 00:31:23,204
I'm telling you,
hit up the Asian party.

581
00:31:23,275 --> 00:31:25,106
Did you leave the key in the car
with the engine running?

582
00:31:25,177 --> 00:31:26,269
Good luck.

583
00:31:26,345 --> 00:31:29,542
You don't have rabies. We're not
going to a hospital. You're fine.

584
00:31:40,226 --> 00:31:43,195
Uh... Yeah, I don't have rabies.

585
00:31:43,262 --> 00:31:45,890
Great. Let's just
get out of here.

586
00:31:46,866 --> 00:31:50,393
Hey, aren't those the guys
that got the shit kicked...

587
00:31:50,469 --> 00:31:53,233
I know. I know.
Let's just go.

588
00:31:54,940 --> 00:31:56,498
Just go.

589
00:31:57,176 --> 00:31:58,438
Kumar.

590
00:32:00,346 --> 00:32:02,507
- Hey, it's your dad and brother.
- Shit.

591
00:32:03,716 --> 00:32:06,378
No wonder you didn't want
to go to the hospital.

592
00:32:06,452 --> 00:32:07,976
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Dr. Patel.

593
00:32:08,054 --> 00:32:10,022
- What's up?
- Saikat. What's going on?

594
00:32:10,089 --> 00:32:13,354
I hope you are here to apologize for
what you did in your interview today.

595
00:32:13,426 --> 00:32:15,018
What the hell's
wrong with you, Kumar?

596
00:32:15,094 --> 00:32:17,426
God! You're 22 years old.
When are you gonna grow up

597
00:32:17,496 --> 00:32:20,488
and stop this
post-college rebel bullshit?

598
00:32:20,566 --> 00:32:23,399
- Like your life is so hard.
- Eat my balls, Saikat.

599
00:32:23,469 --> 00:32:26,233
I will not tolerate this
business from you any longer.

600
00:32:26,305 --> 00:32:29,035
You have one more
interview tomorrow morning,

601
00:32:29,108 --> 00:32:33,772
and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you
were anything short of spectacular,

602
00:32:33,846 --> 00:32:35,643
I'll completely cut you off.

603
00:32:35,714 --> 00:32:37,773
- Dad, come on.
- Daddy is not coming on anything.

604
00:32:39,952 --> 00:32:42,580
You will be there,
and you will behave.

605
00:32:42,655 --> 00:32:46,056
I have put too much time
and energy into you

606
00:32:46,125 --> 00:32:48,889
to let you go
and fuck it all up!

607
00:32:56,469 --> 00:32:59,165
You're absolutely right.
I'm sorry, guys.

608
00:32:59,238 --> 00:33:00,569
Wow, I'm sorry.

609
00:33:02,374 --> 00:33:04,740
Sorry.
It won't happen again, okay?

610
00:33:06,345 --> 00:33:07,835
Good.

611
00:33:07,913 --> 00:33:09,608
I will speak with you tomorrow.

612
00:33:09,682 --> 00:33:12,048
- Bye, Harold.
- Bye.

613
00:33:12,118 --> 00:33:13,380
See ya.

614
00:33:13,452 --> 00:33:14,749
Wow, man.

615
00:33:14,820 --> 00:33:16,981
I guess you're going
to med school after all, eh?

616
00:33:17,056 --> 00:33:20,116
Fuck that, dude.
Like I care what my dad thinks.

617
00:33:20,192 --> 00:33:21,454
I can't wait to see
the look on his face

618
00:33:21,527 --> 00:33:22,960
when he finds out I didn't go
to my interview tomorrow.

619
00:33:23,028 --> 00:33:25,428
If he wants to cut me off, fine.
I don't need his money.

620
00:33:25,498 --> 00:33:28,262
I don't understand.
You just hugged him.

621
00:33:28,334 --> 00:33:31,735
Yeah, I just needed to get
my hands on this.

622
00:33:31,804 --> 00:33:32,964
Access card.

623
00:33:33,038 --> 00:33:36,098
Two words for you, bro...
medical marijuana.

624
00:33:37,176 --> 00:33:38,200
No.

625
00:33:39,445 --> 00:33:41,709
Oh, this is stolen.

626
00:33:43,149 --> 00:33:45,140
If we get caught,
you are taking the blame.

627
00:33:45,217 --> 00:33:46,616
This is not my idea.

628
00:33:46,685 --> 00:33:48,880
We're not gonna get caught, okay?
We're gonna go get baked

629
00:33:48,954 --> 00:33:51,514
and then go eat just like we planned.
Now, just calm down.

630
00:33:51,590 --> 00:33:53,854
- We gotta find the pharmacy.
- Dr. Patel!

631
00:33:53,926 --> 00:33:55,791
Thank God I found you.
We have an emergency.

632
00:33:55,861 --> 00:33:58,455
Nurses, I need these two doctors
scrubbed, gloved,

633
00:33:58,531 --> 00:34:00,590
and ready for the O.R. Stat!

634
00:34:00,766 --> 00:34:03,234
- What the hell is going on?
- He probably thinks I'm my brother.

635
00:34:03,302 --> 00:34:05,634
Just don't worry about it.
Leave the talking to me.

636
00:34:05,704 --> 00:34:08,002
It's a godforsaken bloodbath.

637
00:34:08,073 --> 00:34:10,701
The patient was brought in
by EMS five minutes ago.

638
00:34:10,776 --> 00:34:13,074
As you can see, we have
three horrific gunshot wounds.

639
00:34:13,145 --> 00:34:14,134
It's a good thing
I found you two.

640
00:34:14,213 --> 00:34:15,874
All the other surgeons
are working on other patients.

641
00:34:15,948 --> 00:34:17,540
No, there's been a mistake.

642
00:34:17,616 --> 00:34:20,608
What Dr. Lee is trying to say
is that we need to sedate the patient...

643
00:34:20,686 --> 00:34:23,211
...or he could go into cardiac arrest.
- All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist.

644
00:34:23,289 --> 00:34:25,621
Hang on a second, nurse. What we
should probably use is marijuana.

645
00:34:25,691 --> 00:34:27,818
That'll sufficiently
sedate the patient for surgery.

646
00:34:33,866 --> 00:34:35,493
Marijuana?

647
00:34:36,368 --> 00:34:37,357
But why?

648
00:34:37,436 --> 00:34:38,926
We don't have time for questions.

649
00:34:39,004 --> 00:34:41,734
We need marijuana now,
as much of it as possible!

650
00:34:41,807 --> 00:34:43,240
Like a big bag of it.

651
00:34:43,309 --> 00:34:47,075
But, Doctor, we don't have
marijuana in this hospital.

652
00:34:47,146 --> 00:34:48,909
Shit.

653
00:34:48,981 --> 00:34:52,007
Oh, shit!
This guy's gonna die!

654
00:34:52,084 --> 00:34:54,552
Doctor, you've got to do something
or we're gonna lose him!

655
00:34:54,620 --> 00:34:56,087
I'm gonna do this
the old-fashioned way.

656
00:34:56,155 --> 00:34:58,385
Start the nitrous.
Give me two large-bore I.V. S

657
00:34:58,457 --> 00:35:00,322
and start a Ringers lactate push.

658
00:35:00,392 --> 00:35:01,416
Dr. Roldy, hold this.

659
00:35:07,499 --> 00:35:08,727
More gauze, please.

660
00:35:08,801 --> 00:35:12,168
- Doctor, the patient is desatting.
- Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting!

661
00:35:12,238 --> 00:35:15,036
The patient has a collapsed lung.
I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat.

662
00:35:21,947 --> 00:35:24,347
- That was genius.
- Thank you.

663
00:35:24,416 --> 00:35:26,213
- Great job!
- You guys did it.

664
00:35:26,285 --> 00:35:27,343
No, it's you.

665
00:35:28,854 --> 00:35:31,152
- Sexy.
- What'd you say?

666
00:35:31,223 --> 00:35:32,383
Nothing.

667
00:35:32,458 --> 00:35:33,550
Sweet-pea.

668
00:35:35,527 --> 00:35:37,620
The patient appears
to be stabilized.

669
00:35:37,696 --> 00:35:40,392
- Good work, doctors, all around.
- Great. One of you clean this up, please.

670
00:35:40,466 --> 00:35:42,730
- Put the chest tube in.
- Meow. You're moist.

671
00:35:42,801 --> 00:35:45,099
- I'm not sweating anymore.
- You're glistening.

672
00:35:45,170 --> 00:35:47,968
Soft and chocolate lips...

673
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:51,806
- Could I get a little dab here?
- Hush now, hush now.

674
00:35:51,877 --> 00:35:54,311
Excuse me, sir.
Do you happen to know

675
00:35:54,380 --> 00:35:56,439
how to get to the White Castle
in Cherry Hill from here?

676
00:35:56,515 --> 00:36:01,316
Yeah. Take the 33 west
and take the Turnpike south,

677
00:36:01,387 --> 00:36:02,684
and there you are.

678
00:36:03,022 --> 00:36:04,922
I'm telling you, man,
that was amazing!

679
00:36:04,990 --> 00:36:06,685
Even your dad would
have been impressed, man.

680
00:36:06,759 --> 00:36:08,386
Yeah, it wasn't that bad.

681
00:36:08,460 --> 00:36:12,829
This is perfect. We're back on the road,
we got directions, it stopped raining.

682
00:36:12,898 --> 00:36:14,092
And guess what, man.

683
00:36:14,166 --> 00:36:17,897
- I'm officially done with my work.
- Oh, yeah? Nice!

684
00:36:17,970 --> 00:36:20,632
I'm telling you, dude,
things are finally starting to go our way.

685
00:36:22,508 --> 00:36:24,271
<i>Hey, dude, check it out...
Sixteen Candles.</i>

686
00:36:24,343 --> 00:36:25,901
Isn't that your favorite movie?

687
00:36:25,978 --> 00:36:27,104
Wow, man, that's awesome!

688
00:36:29,014 --> 00:36:31,505
Yo, look who decided
to go see it.

689
00:36:31,583 --> 00:36:32,777
Holy shit.

690
00:36:32,851 --> 00:36:35,285
See! You said you two
had nothing in common,

691
00:36:35,354 --> 00:36:37,447
but you both have the same
lame taste in movies!

692
00:36:37,523 --> 00:36:38,922
Shut up.

693
00:36:38,991 --> 00:36:40,788
Hey, we should ask her if she
wants to come to White Castle.

694
00:36:40,859 --> 00:36:43,487
No. No, no.
Forget about it. Just drive.

695
00:36:43,562 --> 00:36:45,325
Dude, come on.
It's 1:00 in the morning.

696
00:36:45,397 --> 00:36:47,058
We're an hour away from home,

697
00:36:47,132 --> 00:36:50,192
and who do we see but your dream girl
standing across the street?

698
00:36:50,269 --> 00:36:53,136
Just pretend you're a nerdy
Asian version of Tom Hanks

699
00:36:53,205 --> 00:36:55,901
and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan
with bigger tits.

700
00:36:56,942 --> 00:36:58,876
The cars are going.
Can we go? How about that?

701
00:36:58,944 --> 00:37:01,174
- What are you doing?
- Excuse me, Maria!

702
00:37:01,246 --> 00:37:04,044
- What are you doing?
- Maria! Excuse me for a second!

703
00:37:04,116 --> 00:37:05,640
Come here!

704
00:37:06,051 --> 00:37:07,712
No! What the hell
are you doing?

705
00:37:07,786 --> 00:37:09,777
Get your hand off the gas!
Shit!

706
00:37:09,855 --> 00:37:11,789
- I'm stuck!
- Stop turning the wheel!

707
00:37:11,857 --> 00:37:13,950
- I am stuck!
- What do you mean you're stuck?

708
00:37:14,026 --> 00:37:15,084
Get unstuck!

709
00:37:26,872 --> 00:37:28,897
- You asshole!
- Wha... wha...?

710
00:37:28,974 --> 00:37:31,568
We could have seriously
injured ourselves, man!

711
00:37:31,643 --> 00:37:33,110
Yo, don't blame me, genius.

712
00:37:33,178 --> 00:37:35,669
I'm not the one who decided
to run us off the frickin' road, all right?

713
00:37:35,748 --> 00:37:37,511
Let's just get
back on the highway, okay?

714
00:37:37,583 --> 00:37:38,914
Fine with me.

715
00:37:46,458 --> 00:37:48,016
It's not funny.

716
00:37:57,569 --> 00:38:00,504
- Where's my spare tire?
- I don't know.

717
00:38:01,807 --> 00:38:03,775
Where the hell
is my spare tire?

718
00:38:03,842 --> 00:38:05,537
Oh, yeah!

719
00:38:05,611 --> 00:38:09,138
Dude, remember that time
we got really stoned

720
00:38:09,214 --> 00:38:12,911
and started throwing shit off
that bridge to see if it would float?

721
00:38:14,353 --> 00:38:16,685
What bridge? I don't remem...
What are you talking about?

722
00:38:16,755 --> 00:38:19,053
Oh, shit, that's right.
That was with Goldstein.

723
00:38:20,893 --> 00:38:22,884
We borrowed your car
that night. My bad.

724
00:38:22,961 --> 00:38:26,294
Your bad? What the hell
are we gonna do now?

725
00:38:29,968 --> 00:38:31,936
- Hey!
- Hey! Excuse me!

726
00:38:32,004 --> 00:38:34,438
- Hello! Over here!
- Excuse me!

727
00:38:44,716 --> 00:38:46,946
You boys need some help?

728
00:38:53,859 --> 00:38:56,259
Thanks for helping us out.

729
00:38:59,531 --> 00:39:00,964
No problem at all.

730
00:39:01,033 --> 00:39:05,129
I seen you two stranded
out there alone in the dark,

731
00:39:05,204 --> 00:39:08,435
and I said to myself...

732
00:39:08,507 --> 00:39:10,168
"What would Jesus do?"

733
00:39:10,242 --> 00:39:11,903
Goin' down to Georgia

734
00:39:11,977 --> 00:39:15,469
Gonna get myself baptized,
gonna get myself baptized

735
00:39:15,547 --> 00:39:18,345
In the bosom of the Lord

736
00:39:22,654 --> 00:39:25,646
Have you boys accepted Jesus
as your Lord and Savior?

737
00:39:25,724 --> 00:39:27,851
- Yes.
- Yeah, he's great. Cool guy.

738
00:39:27,926 --> 00:39:30,520
Praise the Lord
and pass the ammunition!

739
00:39:30,596 --> 00:39:34,327
Name's Randy,
but everybody calls me Freakshow.

740
00:39:34,399 --> 00:39:35,991
My name's Kumar.

741
00:39:36,068 --> 00:39:38,002
How are you, Kunie?

742
00:39:39,705 --> 00:39:41,730
- This is Harold.
- Hi, Jerald. How are you?

743
00:39:42,808 --> 00:39:45,174
So where exactly
are we going?

744
00:39:45,244 --> 00:39:48,338
Don't you worry about that none.
We ain't too far from my place.

745
00:39:48,413 --> 00:39:52,110
Once we get there, I'll have
your ride fixed up in a jiffy.

746
00:39:59,558 --> 00:40:01,856
Check out those boils
on his neck.

747
00:40:01,927 --> 00:40:03,986
You gotta look.
One of them's actually pulsating.

748
00:40:04,796 --> 00:40:08,857
Shut up. He's right next to me.
He can hear you.

749
00:40:08,934 --> 00:40:10,663
Now there's some sort of puss.

750
00:40:10,736 --> 00:40:12,033
- It's disgusting!
- Shut up.

751
00:40:12,104 --> 00:40:14,868
Just one little boil.
Just look at it.

752
00:40:23,215 --> 00:40:25,877
See, isn't that the most disgusting
thing you've ever seen?

753
00:40:25,951 --> 00:40:28,112
Do you think just
because you're whispering,

754
00:40:28,186 --> 00:40:31,178
he can't hear
what you're saying?

755
00:40:31,256 --> 00:40:34,157
He's two feet away from us.
He can hear this entire conversation.

756
00:40:34,226 --> 00:40:36,421
He can hear me
talking right now.

757
00:40:36,495 --> 00:40:38,156
Don't worry about it.
He can't hear anything...

758
00:40:38,230 --> 00:40:40,255
not with all that crust in his ear.

759
00:40:49,041 --> 00:40:51,100
I heard everything you said.

760
00:40:59,751 --> 00:41:02,311
It's gonna take me a while
to fix up your car there,

761
00:41:02,387 --> 00:41:06,585
so if you boys like,
you can go on inside,

762
00:41:06,658 --> 00:41:08,956
get yourselves something
to drink, wash up,

763
00:41:09,027 --> 00:41:11,552
fuck my wife, watch TV...
anything you want.

764
00:41:11,630 --> 00:41:15,157
<i>Mi casa es su casa.</i>

765
00:41:15,233 --> 00:41:18,669
Just don't do anything
the Good Lord wouldn't do.

766
00:41:19,771 --> 00:41:20,760
Thank you.

767
00:41:22,341 --> 00:41:24,536
We're gonna die.
He's going to kill us.

768
00:41:24,610 --> 00:41:25,975
We're gonna die.

769
00:41:26,044 --> 00:41:29,207
Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say
we get to fuck his wife?

770
00:41:29,281 --> 00:41:31,044
He couldn't have said that.

771
00:41:33,352 --> 00:41:35,286
Who cares?
You've seen Freakshow.

772
00:41:35,354 --> 00:41:37,254
What do you think his wife
is gonna look like?

773
00:41:50,836 --> 00:41:52,599
Oh, hi, boys.

774
00:41:52,671 --> 00:41:55,196
I'm Freakshow's wife Liane.

775
00:41:55,907 --> 00:41:57,898
Can I get you some pink lemonade?

776
00:41:57,976 --> 00:42:01,070
Why don't you just go
have a seat in the living room?

777
00:42:01,146 --> 00:42:02,670
I'll be back in a jiffy.

778
00:42:02,748 --> 00:42:04,113
Thanks.

779
00:42:07,653 --> 00:42:10,622
- Hot. Hot!
- Uh-huh.

780
00:42:19,064 --> 00:42:20,759
Jesus Christ.

781
00:42:25,904 --> 00:42:29,431
Okay, it's official.
We've entered the Twilight Zone.

782
00:42:29,508 --> 00:42:32,534
- Dude, Liane is fucking hot.
- She's not ugly.

783
00:42:34,513 --> 00:42:35,946
Here you go, boys.

784
00:42:36,014 --> 00:42:37,208
- Thank you.
- Thanks a lot.

785
00:42:37,282 --> 00:42:40,308
Liane, how are things between you
and Freakshow presently?

786
00:42:40,385 --> 00:42:43,684
Oh! They've never been better.
We love each other so much.

787
00:42:43,755 --> 00:42:48,658
I was just wondering,
how does a guy like Freakshow...

788
00:42:52,731 --> 00:42:55,996
...end up with a girl like you?

789
00:42:56,068 --> 00:43:00,164
Well, we met at choir practice
about four years ago.

790
00:43:00,238 --> 00:43:02,206
Freakshow was really shy
back then, you know,

791
00:43:02,274 --> 00:43:04,333
'cause of all his hideous boils
on his face and neck.

792
00:43:04,409 --> 00:43:05,671
Sure, sure.

793
00:43:05,744 --> 00:43:08,304
But he had
the most amazing voice,

794
00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:10,177
like a baby canary.

795
00:43:11,283 --> 00:43:13,342
The devil is everywhere

796
00:43:13,418 --> 00:43:16,285
Hey, Randy, what,
the devil, huh

797
00:43:16,354 --> 00:43:18,151
The devil is everywhere

798
00:43:18,223 --> 00:43:20,088
Hey, Randy, what

799
00:43:20,158 --> 00:43:23,355
After Easter service one day,
I told him how much I loved his solo

800
00:43:23,428 --> 00:43:25,362
and he finally mustered up
the courage to ask me out.

801
00:43:25,430 --> 00:43:27,523
We've been in love ever since.

802
00:43:27,599 --> 00:43:30,397
So, are you boys gonna
fuck me now or what?

803
00:43:32,838 --> 00:43:35,033
Rock, paper, scissors
to see who goes first. Ready?

804
00:43:35,107 --> 00:43:36,938
- Rock, paper...
- Wait a second.

805
00:43:37,008 --> 00:43:38,737
What about Freakshow?

806
00:43:38,810 --> 00:43:42,405
What? You assume we don't
know how to have a good time?

807
00:43:42,481 --> 00:43:44,073
I just...

808
00:43:53,125 --> 00:43:54,922
Never mind.
Rock, paper, scissors.

809
00:43:54,993 --> 00:43:59,020
Sorry, but if you boys want me,
you have to do me at the same time.

810
00:43:59,097 --> 00:44:02,089
- Huh?
- Come on, give me the double stuff.

811
00:44:02,167 --> 00:44:04,067
I'm not sure
we quite understand, Liane.

812
00:44:04,136 --> 00:44:07,537
I want you both
inside me simultaneously.

813
00:44:07,606 --> 00:44:09,597
- One hole or two?
- Whatever you want.

814
00:44:09,674 --> 00:44:12,234
Sorry. No, thank you.
No, thank you.

815
00:44:12,310 --> 00:44:14,278
Dude, if it's two holes,
it might not be that bad.

816
00:44:14,346 --> 00:44:16,075
- Shotgun anus.
- Forget it!

817
00:44:16,148 --> 00:44:18,048
I don't want our balls
rubbing against each other.

818
00:44:18,116 --> 00:44:19,981
- What, are you kidding?
- No way! Forget it.

819
00:44:20,051 --> 00:44:21,780
How about blow jobs?
Can we have blow jobs?

820
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:28,752
Well, okay.

821
00:44:31,696 --> 00:44:32,822
Come here.

822
00:44:32,898 --> 00:44:35,594
Okay. I'm going up there.

823
00:44:35,667 --> 00:44:36,964
I wanna come, too.

824
00:44:37,035 --> 00:44:40,596
- Think you could help me with this?
- You need help?

825
00:44:41,907 --> 00:44:44,808
Okay, yeah.
It's a little sticky there.

826
00:44:44,876 --> 00:44:46,969
- You can do it.
- Okay.

827
00:44:47,045 --> 00:44:48,842
I can do it.
I can do it.

828
00:45:02,994 --> 00:45:04,928
Do you wanna play with them?

829
00:45:04,996 --> 00:45:05,985
Play with them.

830
00:45:07,566 --> 00:45:10,126
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Okay.

831
00:45:10,202 --> 00:45:12,067
Let's do that.

832
00:45:14,105 --> 00:45:17,131
Well, boys, I fixed your tire.

833
00:45:20,278 --> 00:45:21,643
Hi, honey!

834
00:45:21,713 --> 00:45:25,149
What in the hell
are you doing with my wife?

835
00:45:26,117 --> 00:45:29,211
You said outside that
we could have sex with her.

836
00:45:29,287 --> 00:45:30,549
Shit! Shit!

837
00:45:30,622 --> 00:45:33,523
- I most certainly did not.
- Yeah, you did.

838
00:45:33,592 --> 00:45:34,991
- I did not!
- You did.

839
00:45:35,060 --> 00:45:37,085
- Oh, no, I didn't!
- You did, you did.

840
00:45:38,797 --> 00:45:41,231
- You sure?
- You said it.

841
00:45:45,737 --> 00:45:46,726
My mistake!

842
00:45:46,805 --> 00:45:48,329
Freakshow.

843
00:45:48,406 --> 00:45:51,500
Well, since we're all here...

844
00:45:52,344 --> 00:45:54,335
...how about a foursome?

845
00:45:54,412 --> 00:45:56,346
Who wants the first reach-around?

846
00:46:04,890 --> 00:46:07,358
Okay, let's agree to never talk
about what just happened.

847
00:46:07,425 --> 00:46:08,517
Agreed.

848
00:46:08,593 --> 00:46:11,528
That's a very good idea.

849
00:46:11,596 --> 00:46:13,359
Dude, I have no idea
where we are.

850
00:46:13,431 --> 00:46:14,728
What?

851
00:46:16,301 --> 00:46:17,734
- Is that a hitchhiker?
- What the hell?

852
00:46:17,802 --> 00:46:20,202
- Should we pick him up?
- And get chopped to bits? Are you crazy?

853
00:46:20,272 --> 00:46:22,604
You know what? We're lost. He may
know how to get back on the highway.

854
00:46:22,674 --> 00:46:25,165
Get back on the road.
This is my car.

855
00:46:25,243 --> 00:46:26,904
We are not picking up
a hitchhiker, man.

856
00:46:26,978 --> 00:46:29,708
Hey, guys, thanks
for picking me up.

857
00:46:33,618 --> 00:46:36,280
Excuse me,
are you Neil Patrick Harris?

858
00:46:36,354 --> 00:46:37,343
Yep.

859
00:46:37,422 --> 00:46:39,447
- Oh, my God, what are you doing here?
- Holy shit.

860
00:46:39,524 --> 00:46:41,458
<i>Dude, Doogie Howser M. D. Was,
like, my favorite show growing up.</i>

861
00:46:41,526 --> 00:46:42,515
You were my idol.

862
00:46:42,594 --> 00:46:44,824
That's great. Could we get going?
I'm bored as shit back here.

863
00:46:45,497 --> 00:46:48,125
- Go, go.
- Let's go. This is a frickin' boring spot.

864
00:46:55,573 --> 00:46:58,269
So I gotta ask you, Neil,

865
00:46:58,343 --> 00:47:00,538
did you ever get it on
with Wanda off the set?

866
00:47:00,612 --> 00:47:03,206
Dude, I humped every piece
of ass ever on that show.

867
00:47:03,281 --> 00:47:04,976
Even the chick
who played the hot nurse?

868
00:47:06,051 --> 00:47:09,953
No. I didn't go
all the way with her.

869
00:47:13,325 --> 00:47:14,485
Neil, you wouldn't happen to know

870
00:47:14,559 --> 00:47:15,890
how to get on the highway
from here, would you?

871
00:47:15,961 --> 00:47:18,088
Dude, I don't even know
where the fuck I am right now.

872
00:47:18,163 --> 00:47:19,425
I was at this party earlier tonight

873
00:47:19,497 --> 00:47:22,227
and some guy hooked me up
with this incredible X.

874
00:47:22,300 --> 00:47:24,894
The next thing I know, I'm being
thrown out of a moving car.

875
00:47:24,970 --> 00:47:28,337
- I've been tripping balls ever since.
- That's crazy, dude.

876
00:47:28,406 --> 00:47:29,839
We've been having
a pretty crazy night, too.

877
00:47:29,908 --> 00:47:31,671
We've just been driving around
looking for White Castle,

878
00:47:31,743 --> 00:47:33,108
but we keep getting sidetracked.

879
00:47:33,178 --> 00:47:34,236
Yeah, dude, you fascinate me.

880
00:47:34,312 --> 00:47:36,280
Forget White Castle.
Let's go get some pussy.

881
00:47:36,348 --> 00:47:38,646
- Huh?
- It's a fuckin' sausage-fest in here.

882
00:47:38,717 --> 00:47:41,117
Let's get us some poontang.
Then we'll go to White Castle.

883
00:47:41,186 --> 00:47:42,244
No, Neil, you don't understand.

884
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,254
We've been craving
these burgers all night.

885
00:47:44,322 --> 00:47:46,654
Yeah, I've been craving
burgers, too... fur burgers.

886
00:47:46,725 --> 00:47:49,785
Come on, dudes, let's pick up
some trim at a strip club.

887
00:47:49,861 --> 00:47:52,295
The Doogie line
always works on strippers.

888
00:47:52,364 --> 00:47:55,128
Lap dance.

889
00:47:55,900 --> 00:47:58,801
There's a gas station.
I'm gonna see if we can get directions.

890
00:47:58,870 --> 00:48:00,838
We don't need...

891
00:48:02,841 --> 00:48:06,470
Hurry up, dudes, hurry up.
I'm losing wood.

892
00:48:10,281 --> 00:48:13,114
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
hurry, hurry, hurry.

893
00:48:13,184 --> 00:48:15,152
- Chill.
- We'll be right back, Neil.

894
00:48:15,220 --> 00:48:16,517
We'll be back.

895
00:48:22,627 --> 00:48:25,755
What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris?
Why is he so horny?

896
00:48:25,830 --> 00:48:28,958
I don't know, but we can't
let him interfere with our quest.

897
00:48:30,468 --> 00:48:33,699
- Oh, God.
- Shit, these punks again.

898
00:48:33,772 --> 00:48:35,399
Late-night Math League
meeting, homos?

899
00:48:35,473 --> 00:48:37,168
Extreme!

900
00:48:40,378 --> 00:48:41,640
Let's go.

901
00:48:51,456 --> 00:48:54,448
No, no.
Pies, pies... no.

902
00:49:00,698 --> 00:49:02,063
Dude, what is that?
Is that a pterodactyl?

903
00:49:02,133 --> 00:49:03,532
I do not know what that is.

904
00:49:03,601 --> 00:49:05,535
That was extreme, dude!

905
00:49:05,603 --> 00:49:08,766
Excuse me, can you tell us how
to get to the highway from here?

906
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:09,966
Dude, I got this.

907
00:49:21,786 --> 00:49:24,277
Dude, who knew learning Hindi
would actually pay off?

908
00:49:24,355 --> 00:49:26,414
Guy says the highway is, like,
a couple traffic lights from here.

909
00:49:26,491 --> 00:49:28,425
We should be in Cherry Hill
in ten minutes.

910
00:49:28,493 --> 00:49:30,620
- Ready? One, two, three!
- No. No.

911
00:49:30,695 --> 00:49:32,788
- No.
- Extreme kayaking!

912
00:49:32,864 --> 00:49:34,331
No!

913
00:49:36,935 --> 00:49:38,232
Extreme!

914
00:49:43,374 --> 00:49:45,740
- No!
- Man, that was so fuckin' extreme!

915
00:49:46,444 --> 00:49:48,105
On a scale of 1 to 10,

916
00:49:48,179 --> 00:49:51,148
one being not so extreme
and ten being extremely extreme,

917
00:49:51,216 --> 00:49:53,184
I give this a 9.5!

918
00:49:54,752 --> 00:49:56,913
- Check it out!
- Extreme cheddar!

919
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,251
- Hey.
- Extreme cashier!

920
00:50:06,664 --> 00:50:07,756
Somebody should do something.

921
00:50:09,467 --> 00:50:10,866
Yeah, you're right.

922
00:50:10,935 --> 00:50:13,563
Hey, asshole!
Why don't you leave that guy alone

923
00:50:13,638 --> 00:50:15,902
and go jerk off to some
snowboarding videos or something?

924
00:50:19,277 --> 00:50:21,142
<i>I didn't mean you
should do something about it.</i>

925
00:50:32,957 --> 00:50:34,788
What? You're gonna take that?

926
00:50:34,859 --> 00:50:37,726
What's up with that? Huh?

927
00:50:37,795 --> 00:50:39,524
You're gonna take that?

928
00:50:40,965 --> 00:50:41,989
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

929
00:50:42,066 --> 00:50:43,499
- Shit!
- That's right, bitch!

930
00:50:43,568 --> 00:50:46,002
You just try fuckin' with me
one more time!

931
00:50:46,070 --> 00:50:48,630
Just try it!
Thank you, come again.

932
00:50:51,609 --> 00:50:52,667
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

933
00:50:54,212 --> 00:50:56,203
Kumar, you okay?

934
00:50:56,281 --> 00:50:58,306
Yeah, dude,
I just hate those assholes.

935
00:50:58,383 --> 00:51:00,317
You know what? Fuck it, I'm hungry.
Let's just get outta here.

936
00:51:14,799 --> 00:51:17,768
Did Doogie Howser
just steal my fucking car?

937
00:51:21,272 --> 00:51:24,173
Yes. I think he did.

938
00:51:40,058 --> 00:51:42,788
You! You had to pick up
a hitchhiker! Why?!

939
00:51:42,860 --> 00:51:43,849
Calm down.

940
00:51:43,928 --> 00:51:45,361
Why did you leave
the keys in the car?

941
00:51:45,430 --> 00:51:46,988
Why? Because
it would get stolen.

942
00:51:47,065 --> 00:51:49,966
I figured that Neil Patrick Harris
was a trustworthy guy.

943
00:51:50,034 --> 00:51:51,797
Come on. How was I supposed
to know he'd fuck us over?

944
00:51:51,869 --> 00:51:54,702
This whole freaking night,
this whole night, is your fault!

945
00:51:56,541 --> 00:51:59,374
- Where are you going?
- I'm going inside to call the police.

946
00:51:59,444 --> 00:52:01,503
I don't want
to talk to you anymore.

947
00:52:04,249 --> 00:52:06,410
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

948
00:52:06,484 --> 00:52:08,281
There's a pay phone
across the street

949
00:52:08,353 --> 00:52:10,446
if you don't wanna
deal with those assholes.

950
00:52:24,135 --> 00:52:27,866
After we talk to the cops, we're
still going to White Castle, right?

951
00:52:27,939 --> 00:52:30,339
I'm not speaking to you.

952
00:52:30,408 --> 00:52:33,468
When are they fucking going
to develop button technology

953
00:52:33,544 --> 00:52:35,034
that will understand urgency?!

954
00:52:35,113 --> 00:52:38,446
- Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across.
- It'll change in a second.

955
00:52:38,516 --> 00:52:40,177
There's not a car in sight.
Just go ahead.

956
00:52:40,251 --> 00:52:43,448
Fine. You want me to cross?
I will cross.

957
00:52:43,521 --> 00:52:45,921
If it makes you happy,
I will cross.

958
00:52:46,958 --> 00:52:48,050
I'll do it.

959
00:52:53,195 --> 00:52:54,560
Shit!

960
00:52:54,630 --> 00:52:57,258
- What...
- Sorry.

961
00:53:00,469 --> 00:53:03,029
Is there a problem,
Officer Palumbo?

962
00:53:03,105 --> 00:53:05,300
Is there a problem?
You ever heard of jaywalking?

963
00:53:05,374 --> 00:53:07,137
Yes, I have. I'm really sorry.
Won't happen again.

964
00:53:07,209 --> 00:53:09,234
That's great.
I'm writing you up a ticket.

965
00:53:09,312 --> 00:53:10,711
A ticket?
Are you serious?

966
00:53:10,780 --> 00:53:12,748
Who the fuck are you, shitwad?

967
00:53:12,815 --> 00:53:15,409
Let me apologize
for my friend here. I'm very sorry.

968
00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:17,384
I'm really glad you're here.
We've had a rough night.

969
00:53:17,453 --> 00:53:19,216
<i>You know the show
Doogie Howser M. D.?</i>

970
00:53:19,288 --> 00:53:22,587
Great show.
God, I love that show. "Doogie."

971
00:53:22,658 --> 00:53:25,126
Neil Patrick Harris
stole my car tonight.

972
00:53:25,194 --> 00:53:27,355
Hey, NPH wouldn't do that,
all right?

973
00:53:27,430 --> 00:53:28,761
Give me some I.D.

974
00:53:28,831 --> 00:53:31,163
Excuse me, how can you
give him a ticket for jaywalking?

975
00:53:31,233 --> 00:53:34,725
It's 2:30 in the morning.
There's not a car around here.

976
00:53:34,804 --> 00:53:35,930
Kumar, shut up.

977
00:53:36,005 --> 00:53:37,267
That's not the kind of tone
you want to use

978
00:53:37,340 --> 00:53:38,830
on a cop who can bust your ass.

979
00:53:38,908 --> 00:53:41,502
- Bust my ass?
- Yeah, Koo-mar.

980
00:53:41,577 --> 00:53:44,102
Bust your ass.

981
00:53:44,180 --> 00:53:46,842
What kind of name
is that anyhow? Koo-mar.

982
00:53:46,916 --> 00:53:49,510
What is that,
like, five O's or two U's?

983
00:53:49,585 --> 00:53:51,212
No, it's actually one U.

984
00:53:51,287 --> 00:53:52,777
Yeah, bullshit.

985
00:53:52,855 --> 00:53:56,291
Whatever happened to good old
American names like Dave or Jim?

986
00:53:56,359 --> 00:53:57,986
- Harold.
- Harold.

987
00:53:58,060 --> 00:53:59,721
- Are you kidd...
- Now that's a great name.

988
00:53:59,795 --> 00:54:01,353
- Let me take care of this.
- You should be proud of that name, son.

989
00:54:01,430 --> 00:54:03,125
As you were, ladies.

990
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,328
- $220?! Are you crazy?!
- Kumar, if you don't stop...

991
00:54:07,403 --> 00:54:09,735
No, I understand exactly
what's going on here.

992
00:54:09,805 --> 00:54:12,603
Excuse me, officer, let me
take a couple of guesses.

993
00:54:12,675 --> 00:54:14,643
- I'm really sorry...
- Get your hands down!

994
00:54:14,710 --> 00:54:16,940
- Okay, alright.
- No sudden moves. Back it up!

995
00:54:17,013 --> 00:54:19,311
You were probably the big asshole
in your high school, right?

996
00:54:19,382 --> 00:54:20,542
Absolutely right.

997
00:54:20,616 --> 00:54:22,174
Used to pick on guys like us
every day, right?

998
00:54:22,251 --> 00:54:23,309
With pleasure.

999
00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:25,616
Then graduation day came,
and we went to college,

1000
00:54:25,688 --> 00:54:27,349
and you went nowhere,
and you thought,

1001
00:54:27,423 --> 00:54:29,152
"Hey, how can I
still give them shit?

1002
00:54:29,225 --> 00:54:30,852
I know, I'll become a cop."

1003
00:54:30,926 --> 00:54:33,827
Well, congratu-fuckin'-lations.
Your dream has come true.

1004
00:54:33,896 --> 00:54:36,023
Now, why don't you just take
this quiet little Asian guy

1005
00:54:36,098 --> 00:54:38,225
with the Anglicized name
that treats you so well

1006
00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:39,699
and give him a couple
of other tickets?

1007
00:54:39,769 --> 00:54:41,532
- Better yet, just take him to jail.
- Better idea.

1008
00:54:41,604 --> 00:54:43,572
Why don't you just arrest him?
Does that work out for you okay, Harold?

1009
00:54:43,639 --> 00:54:44,867
- "Great American name, Harold."
- Let's go, Harold.

1010
00:54:44,940 --> 00:54:46,874
Thanks to your buddy,
we're going downtow...

1011
00:54:52,314 --> 00:54:53,645
Oh, shit.

1012
00:54:54,717 --> 00:54:59,347
Well, thank you so much for
being understanding about Bradley.

1013
00:54:59,422 --> 00:55:02,016
I promise you
he won't ever do it again.

1014
00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:03,752
I'm sure he won't.

1015
00:55:04,493 --> 00:55:06,222
Right, Brad?

1016
00:55:06,295 --> 00:55:08,195
Yes, sir,
Officer Palumbo, sir.

1017
00:55:08,264 --> 00:55:12,325
- Mommy, can we go home?
- Get in the car, Bradley Thomas.

1018
00:55:12,401 --> 00:55:13,425
Bye, Brad.

1019
00:55:13,502 --> 00:55:15,527
Are you gonna do
something about my car?

1020
00:55:16,205 --> 00:55:17,570
<i>First our top story.</i>

1021
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,666
<i>The search for the escaped cheetah
continues tonight.</i>

1022
00:55:20,743 --> 00:55:23,735
<i>It was last spotted
in Randolph County. South of...</i>

1023
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,111
- So what are you in here for?
- For being black.

1024
00:55:28,818 --> 00:55:29,807
Seriously.

1025
00:55:30,453 --> 00:55:32,978
I am serious.
You wanna know what happened?

1026
00:55:34,323 --> 00:55:36,814
I was walking
out of a Barnes & Noble,

1027
00:55:36,892 --> 00:55:38,291
and a cop stops me.

1028
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:41,727
Evidently a black guy
robbed a store in Newark.

1029
00:55:41,797 --> 00:55:45,392
I told him, "I haven't even been
to Newark in months."

1030
00:55:45,468 --> 00:55:47,163
So, he starts beating me
with his gun...

1031
00:55:47,236 --> 00:55:49,534
...telling me to stop resisting arrest.
- Holy shit! What'd you do?

1032
00:55:49,605 --> 00:55:51,869
I kept saying,
"I understand I'm under arrest.

1033
00:55:51,941 --> 00:55:54,034
Now please stop beating me."

1034
00:55:54,110 --> 00:55:56,476
I don't understand how
you can be so calm about all this.

1035
00:55:56,545 --> 00:56:00,572
Look at me.
I'm fat, black, can't dance,

1036
00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:02,276
and I have two gay fathers.

1037
00:56:03,185 --> 00:56:06,018
People have been
messing with me my whole life.

1038
00:56:06,088 --> 00:56:09,854
I learned a long time ago that
there's no sense getting all riled up

1039
00:56:09,925 --> 00:56:12,325
every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.

1040
00:56:13,062 --> 00:56:17,260
In the end, the universe tends
to unfold as it should.

1041
00:56:18,734 --> 00:56:21,134
Plus I have a really large penis.
That keeps me happy.

1042
00:56:22,338 --> 00:56:23,430
Hey, hey, listen up, guys!

1043
00:56:23,506 --> 00:56:24,973
Multiple gunshots
fired in Millbrook Park.

1044
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:27,235
Finally, some action.
I'm goin'!

1045
00:56:27,309 --> 00:56:29,368
- No, I'm goin'!
- Lock and load!

1046
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:38,509
That was strange.

1047
00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:44,018
What the hell was that?

1048
00:56:44,093 --> 00:56:46,288
Rold. Is that you?

1049
00:56:46,362 --> 00:56:48,489
- Kumar?
- Are the cops still here?

1050
00:56:48,564 --> 00:56:49,895
What the hell are you doing?

1051
00:56:49,965 --> 00:56:52,490
I just called and made up some story
about a shooting in Millbrook Park.

1052
00:56:52,568 --> 00:56:54,661
- Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?
- I'm fucking starving.

1053
00:56:54,737 --> 00:56:57,433
I figured I'd bust you out
and we'd go get some burgers.

1054
00:56:57,506 --> 00:56:59,872
Forget it. I'm not getting
into any more trouble.

1055
00:56:59,942 --> 00:57:01,603
I'm already in here because of you.

1056
00:57:01,677 --> 00:57:02,666
Hey, fuck you!

1057
00:57:02,745 --> 00:57:05,043
What did you want me to do,
stand there and take the hit?

1058
00:57:05,114 --> 00:57:06,638
You know I've never
taken a swing at you, ever.

1059
00:57:06,715 --> 00:57:07,977
Well, I never got your car stolen.

1060
00:57:08,050 --> 00:57:09,347
- Fine. I'm leaving.
- Fine.

1061
00:57:13,122 --> 00:57:16,990
- Harold, how do I get out of here?
- How the hell should I know?

1062
00:57:17,059 --> 00:57:19,152
Shit! Oh, God, this isn't good.

1063
00:57:26,101 --> 00:57:27,796
My ass!

1064
00:57:31,340 --> 00:57:33,706
Sure you don't want
to get out of here?

1065
00:57:33,776 --> 00:57:35,710
And become a fugitive?
Are you nuts?

1066
00:57:35,778 --> 00:57:38,110
- The guy has all my information.
- So what?

1067
00:57:38,180 --> 00:57:40,080
We'll just take what he
wrote down about you and leave.

1068
00:57:40,149 --> 00:57:41,582
Unless you want to
stay here all night

1069
00:57:41,650 --> 00:57:43,641
and not be able to
turn in your work tomorrow.

1070
00:57:48,123 --> 00:57:49,317
Fine, hurry up.

1071
00:57:49,391 --> 00:57:52,292
Yes! All right,
we gotta find keys.

1072
00:57:52,361 --> 00:57:54,659
Oh, yes!

1073
00:57:54,730 --> 00:57:56,891
Sweet! I was hoping it would
be one of these big ring of keys.

1074
00:57:56,966 --> 00:57:59,400
- Kumar, hurry the fuck up.
- All right, yeah.

1075
00:58:05,908 --> 00:58:07,205
- Yes!
- Dude!

1076
00:58:09,445 --> 00:58:12,073
- Hey, what's that smell?
- What smell?

1077
00:58:13,048 --> 00:58:14,379
Kumar.

1078
00:58:28,197 --> 00:58:32,258
<i>If we still have time.
We might still get by</i>

1079
00:58:32,334 --> 00:58:36,031
<i>Every time I think about it
I wanna cry</i>

1080
00:58:36,105 --> 00:58:39,802
<i>With bombs and the devil.
And the kids keep comin'</i>

1081
00:58:39,875 --> 00:58:44,608
<i>No way to breathe easy.
No time to be young</i>

1082
00:58:46,515 --> 00:58:50,747
<i>But I tell myself
that I'm doin' all right</i>

1083
00:58:50,819 --> 00:58:53,879
<i>There's nothin' left
to do at night</i>

1084
00:58:53,956 --> 00:58:56,891
<i>But go crazy on you</i>

1085
00:58:58,227 --> 00:59:01,162
<i>Crazy on you</i>

1086
00:59:01,230 --> 00:59:05,428
<i>Let me go crazy.
Crazy on you</i>

1087
00:59:06,902 --> 00:59:09,928
<i>Crazy on you</i>

1088
00:59:10,005 --> 00:59:13,941
Bitch! Learn how to fuckin'
make coffee, you fuckin' whore!

1089
00:59:14,009 --> 00:59:16,273
<i>Let me go crazy.
Crazy on you</i>

1090
00:59:16,345 --> 00:59:17,903
I love you.

1091
00:59:18,447 --> 00:59:20,142
No, no, no.

1092
00:59:20,950 --> 00:59:22,884
No, baby, come on.

1093
00:59:24,119 --> 00:59:27,111
Hey, Kumar. Kumar!
Where are you...

1094
00:59:27,189 --> 00:59:29,316
Kumar!
Still in jail, asshole!

1095
00:59:29,391 --> 00:59:30,688
Come here!

1096
00:59:34,463 --> 00:59:35,487
Kumar! The cops...

1097
00:59:35,564 --> 00:59:37,498
You thought you'd
get away with it, huh?

1098
00:59:37,566 --> 00:59:40,296
I was in bed.
I didn't fire any gun. I swear.

1099
00:59:41,537 --> 00:59:43,835
Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!

1100
00:59:43,906 --> 00:59:45,965
What are you talking about?
I'm just sitting here.

1101
00:59:46,041 --> 00:59:47,167
He's trying to break free!
Get him!

1102
00:59:47,242 --> 00:59:49,676
- Aw, shit.
- Don't move!

1103
00:59:51,580 --> 00:59:53,844
Stop resisting!
We need backup now!

1104
00:59:53,916 --> 00:59:55,781
- He's got a gun.
- That's not a gun, that's a book.

1105
00:59:55,851 --> 00:59:57,785
- Secure the book!
- Book is secure.

1106
00:59:57,853 --> 01:00:01,584
You bring this filth in here?
What is this shit?

1107
01:00:01,657 --> 01:00:04,182
Wait, wait. We gotta
do something about this.

1108
01:00:04,259 --> 01:00:06,659
We're gonna teach you
how to read now, brother.

1109
01:00:07,296 --> 01:00:09,696
If I were you, I'd leave
as soon as possible.

1110
01:00:09,765 --> 01:00:11,323
- Whose hand is that?
- Thanks, man.

1111
01:00:21,777 --> 01:00:24,644
Jesus Christ.
Thanks for getting me out, man.

1112
01:00:24,713 --> 01:00:28,809
No problem. The burgers wouldn't
taste as good if you weren't there.

1113
01:00:28,884 --> 01:00:30,249
Hey, look at this.

1114
01:00:30,319 --> 01:00:34,085
It's like we went from being
completely poor to being millionaires.

1115
01:00:35,891 --> 01:00:38,189
- What was that?
- Probably just a coyote.

1116
01:00:38,260 --> 01:00:40,160
Aren't people supposed to
be scared of coyotes?

1117
01:00:40,229 --> 01:00:41,719
That's just
'cause they sound scary, man.

1118
01:00:41,797 --> 01:00:44,925
In one-on-one combat, either of us
could take down a coyote, no problem.

1119
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,160
What?

1120
01:00:49,538 --> 01:00:51,267
Now, cheetahs are another story.

1121
01:00:53,976 --> 01:00:55,944
- We're gonna die.
- No, now hold on.

1122
01:00:56,011 --> 01:00:57,478
Cheetahs are used to
eating gazelles and shit.

1123
01:00:57,546 --> 01:00:58,740
They're not known
for eating humans.

1124
01:01:00,349 --> 01:01:02,715
That is a corpse.
We're gonna die.

1125
01:01:02,785 --> 01:01:04,116
Shit!
That's not a good sign.

1126
01:01:04,186 --> 01:01:07,280
Maybe if we just stay really,
really still, he'll just go away.

1127
01:01:07,356 --> 01:01:08,516
Okay.

1128
01:01:09,458 --> 01:01:11,289
Just stay really still.
Don't move, okay?

1129
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:13,453
Just stay right there.
Very good. Good job.

1130
01:01:13,529 --> 01:01:15,224
This isn't working.

1131
01:01:19,268 --> 01:01:22,294
He's mauling me!
He's mauling me!

1132
01:01:26,308 --> 01:01:29,141
Dude, I told you not
to bring the beef jerky.

1133
01:01:39,621 --> 01:01:41,213
He likes me.

1134
01:01:43,826 --> 01:01:46,056
Hey, Rold, I have an idea.

1135
01:01:47,930 --> 01:01:51,366
- You gotta be kidding me, man.
- Uh-uh.

1136
01:01:56,405 --> 01:01:58,498
This is either a really smart move

1137
01:01:58,574 --> 01:02:01,270
or by far the stupidest thing
that we have ever tried.

1138
01:02:01,343 --> 01:02:03,573
Well, we're about to find out.

1139
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:05,669
Mush!

1140
01:02:07,416 --> 01:02:09,043
I told you this was...

1141
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:19,349
<i>Oy vey!</i>

1142
01:02:21,864 --> 01:02:26,164
Dude, am I really high,
or is this actually working?

1143
01:02:26,235 --> 01:02:28,726
- Both!
- This is awesome!

1144
01:02:28,804 --> 01:02:30,897
We're gonna be
at White Castle in no time!

1145
01:02:31,607 --> 01:02:33,006
That was close, huh, Roldy?

1146
01:02:38,046 --> 01:02:41,447
Harold.
I need you, Harold.

1147
01:02:49,691 --> 01:02:51,886
I need you, Harold.

1148
01:02:52,427 --> 01:02:54,019
Come here.

1149
01:02:54,096 --> 01:02:56,462
- Come here, Harold.
- Maria.

1150
01:02:56,532 --> 01:02:59,000
- Come, Harold.
- I'm coming, baby!

1151
01:02:59,902 --> 01:03:02,427
<i>I want you to hold me.
Papi. I need you.</i>

1152
01:03:02,504 --> 01:03:05,337
Baby, I'm a-comin'!

1153
01:03:05,841 --> 01:03:06,830
Not so fast.

1154
01:03:06,909 --> 01:03:08,570
<i>Watch out, watch out</i>

1155
01:03:10,279 --> 01:03:11,644
Come on!

1156
01:03:14,416 --> 01:03:19,718
Bullets... my only weakness.
How did you know?

1157
01:03:19,788 --> 01:03:20,777
<i>Maria</i>

1158
01:03:20,856 --> 01:03:22,346
Harold.

1159
01:03:22,424 --> 01:03:23,755
Maria.

1160
01:03:23,825 --> 01:03:26,589
<i>Maria</i>

1161
01:03:32,534 --> 01:03:34,331
<i>Maria. Maria</i>

1162
01:03:40,075 --> 01:03:41,372
<i>Watch out, watch out</i>

1163
01:03:43,946 --> 01:03:45,880
<i>Watch out, watch out</i>

1164
01:03:49,117 --> 01:03:52,086
What the hell
are you doing? God!

1165
01:03:52,154 --> 01:03:54,019
You've been out cold
for the past half-hour.

1166
01:03:54,089 --> 01:03:56,284
I figured maybe if I did
some gay shit you'd wake up.

1167
01:03:56,358 --> 01:03:58,622
If we did some gay shit?
Where are we?

1168
01:03:58,694 --> 01:04:01,595
Didn't we come here on a cheetah?
Where's the cheetah?

1169
01:04:01,663 --> 01:04:03,893
It ran away. Listen, forget
about the cheetah, okay?

1170
01:04:03,966 --> 01:04:06,196
I have some bad news
and some worse news.

1171
01:04:06,268 --> 01:04:08,099
Give me the worse news first.

1172
01:04:08,170 --> 01:04:09,603
I looked at some
of the road signs up there,

1173
01:04:09,671 --> 01:04:11,901
and it looks like the cheetah
took us in the wrong direction.

1174
01:04:11,974 --> 01:04:14,101
- Shit!
- Yeah.

1175
01:04:14,276 --> 01:04:15,800
- Shit!
- Yeah.

1176
01:04:16,878 --> 01:04:18,470
All right, what's the bad news?

1177
01:04:18,547 --> 01:04:20,447
Your laptop's completely destroyed.

1178
01:04:20,515 --> 01:04:21,914
What?

1179
01:04:21,984 --> 01:04:25,317
Why didn't...
Why didn't you tell me...

1180
01:04:25,387 --> 01:04:28,117
How is that not
the worse news?

1181
01:04:28,190 --> 01:04:30,158
The laptop situation
really only affects you,

1182
01:04:30,225 --> 01:04:34,161
whereas the White Castle
situation affects both of us equally.

1183
01:04:36,898 --> 01:04:38,923
Oh, no! Oh, no!

1184
01:04:39,001 --> 01:04:41,799
All my work was saved
on this computer.

1185
01:04:41,870 --> 01:04:43,838
Now I gotta go back
to the office and redo it.

1186
01:04:43,905 --> 01:04:44,929
Exactly.
First we'll go to White Castle...

1187
01:04:45,007 --> 01:04:47,032
Forget about White Castle.
There is no time.

1188
01:04:48,076 --> 01:04:49,236
Car.

1189
01:04:55,484 --> 01:04:57,384
Hello. Over here!

1190
01:05:00,122 --> 01:05:01,612
Shit.

1191
01:05:23,545 --> 01:05:25,012
Whoa.

1192
01:05:26,648 --> 01:05:27,740
Yeah. Um...

1193
01:05:28,950 --> 01:05:31,248
All right,
we'll get a pay phone,

1194
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:33,618
get a cab back
to your office, all right?

1195
01:05:34,856 --> 01:05:36,483
Come on. You all right?

1196
01:05:46,301 --> 01:05:48,326
- Hey, check this out!
- Yeah, nice!

1197
01:05:51,039 --> 01:05:52,472
Hey, Apu!

1198
01:05:52,541 --> 01:05:55,009
Jesus. These guys
are frickin' everywhere.

1199
01:05:55,077 --> 01:05:57,944
Who's looking after
the Kwik-E-Mart while you're gone?

1200
01:05:58,013 --> 01:06:00,311
You two going
to share a curry Slurpee?

1201
01:06:00,382 --> 01:06:01,872
Fucking assholes.

1202
01:06:02,551 --> 01:06:04,815
Dude, check it out.
It's Rosenberg and Goldstein.

1203
01:06:09,858 --> 01:06:11,086
I want that.

1204
01:06:11,159 --> 01:06:13,024
What, a Hot Dog Heaven
super chili cheese dog?

1205
01:06:13,095 --> 01:06:15,859
No. I want that feeling.

1206
01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:18,297
The feeling that comes over a man

1207
01:06:18,367 --> 01:06:20,460
when he gets
exactly what he desires.

1208
01:06:20,535 --> 01:06:22,469
I need that feeling.

1209
01:06:22,537 --> 01:06:24,095
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?

1210
01:06:24,172 --> 01:06:26,436
- We gotta go to White Castle.
- Yes, yes!

1211
01:06:26,508 --> 01:06:28,135
I knew you had it in you, dude.

1212
01:06:29,277 --> 01:06:30,676
Yo, is that Cindy Kim?

1213
01:06:34,449 --> 01:06:37,782
Oh, dude, you should've boned her
when you had the chance, man.

1214
01:06:37,853 --> 01:06:39,684
Check it out.

1215
01:06:43,558 --> 01:06:45,219
Why don't you guys
just leave us alone?

1216
01:06:45,293 --> 01:06:47,124
What are you gonna
do about it, Mr. Miyagi?

1217
01:06:50,399 --> 01:06:51,832
That's extreme, man!

1218
01:06:52,667 --> 01:06:54,760
<i>There's no sense
getting all riled up</i>

1219
01:06:54,836 --> 01:06:57,600
<i>every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.</i>

1220
01:06:57,672 --> 01:07:01,472
<i>The universe tends
to unfold as it should.</i>

1221
01:07:03,044 --> 01:07:04,033
Nothing.

1222
01:07:05,947 --> 01:07:08,142
- Fucking extreme!
- I'm so sick of their bullshit.

1223
01:07:09,751 --> 01:07:13,312
Don't worry. The universe
tends to unfold as it should.

1224
01:07:13,388 --> 01:07:16,084
What is that,
some fortune cookie?

1225
01:07:17,659 --> 01:07:21,356
Hey, I got a plan.
Follow my lead, okay?

1226
01:07:21,430 --> 01:07:23,159
- Your lead?
- Yeah.

1227
01:07:23,231 --> 01:07:24,664
Okay.

1228
01:07:24,733 --> 01:07:27,861
Whoa, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!

1229
01:07:32,274 --> 01:07:33,263
Those pricks!

1230
01:07:33,341 --> 01:07:35,536
- This is your plan?
- It's working, isn't it?

1231
01:07:37,746 --> 01:07:39,907
Come on, come on!
Get 'em, guys!

1232
01:07:39,981 --> 01:07:41,812
- Jerk-offs!
- My truck!

1233
01:07:44,486 --> 01:07:46,545
Thank you, come again.

1234
01:07:51,827 --> 01:07:54,796
Dude, that was so not extreme.

1235
01:07:54,863 --> 01:07:57,297
I know, Extreme Sport Punk
Number One.

1236
01:08:01,102 --> 01:08:02,399
I know.

1237
01:08:02,471 --> 01:08:04,029
Let's find us some tunes, baby.

1238
01:08:04,105 --> 01:08:07,506
"Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5"?
What is this shit?

1239
01:08:08,777 --> 01:08:12,008
<i>And I need you now tonight</i>

1240
01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:14,674
Those guys are fuckin' posers.

1241
01:08:15,617 --> 01:08:19,815
<i>And if you'll only hold me tight</i>

1242
01:08:19,888 --> 01:08:24,951
<i>Baby. Baby. The stars
are shining foryou</i>

1243
01:08:25,026 --> 01:08:29,520
<i>And just like me.
I'm sure that they adore you</i>

1244
01:08:29,598 --> 01:08:30,826
<i>Baby. Baby</i>

1245
01:08:30,899 --> 01:08:33,868
<i>Go walking through the forest</i>

1246
01:08:33,935 --> 01:08:36,495
<i>Things'll go your way</i>

1247
01:08:36,571 --> 01:08:38,801
<i>Hold on for one more day</i>

1248
01:08:38,874 --> 01:08:41,001
<i>I know that there is pain</i>

1249
01:08:41,076 --> 01:08:43,237
<i>But you hold on for one more day</i>

1250
01:08:43,311 --> 01:08:47,714
<i>And you break free
from the chains</i>

1251
01:08:48,583 --> 01:08:50,551
<i>Yeah. I know that there is pain</i>

1252
01:08:50,619 --> 01:08:53,179
<i>But you hold on
for one more day</i>

1253
01:08:53,255 --> 01:08:56,383
<i>And you break free
right from the chains</i>

1254
01:08:58,226 --> 01:09:01,389
Someday somebody's gonna
make you wanna turn around

1255
01:09:01,463 --> 01:09:03,556
- And say good-bye
- Say good-bye

1256
01:09:03,632 --> 01:09:04,997
Until then, baby

1257
01:09:05,066 --> 01:09:07,466
Are you gonna let 'em
hold you down and make you cry?

1258
01:09:07,536 --> 01:09:10,562
Don't you know
things can change

1259
01:09:10,639 --> 01:09:12,072
Things'll go your way

1260
01:09:12,140 --> 01:09:16,634
If you hold on for one more day

1261
01:09:16,711 --> 01:09:19,680
Hold on

1262
01:09:23,752 --> 01:09:24,912
Bingo.

1263
01:09:25,253 --> 01:09:28,416
Yeah, dude! Cherry Hill, man.
We're almost there.

1264
01:09:28,490 --> 01:09:29,855
I told you, man!

1265
01:09:29,925 --> 01:09:32,257
I found 'em,
and I'm gonna need backup.

1266
01:09:32,327 --> 01:09:34,522
- Oh, shit.
- Shit.

1267
01:09:34,596 --> 01:09:37,258
Fudge, dude.
Are you kidding me?

1268
01:09:37,933 --> 01:09:41,130
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm not going back to jail, man.

1269
01:09:41,202 --> 01:09:44,069
We've come too far.
Now buckle up. Buckle up!

1270
01:09:45,807 --> 01:09:48,002
We got a chase on our hands.

1271
01:09:49,477 --> 01:09:51,741
- Ready?
- Yeah. For what?

1272
01:09:51,813 --> 01:09:53,075
Oh, shit!

1273
01:09:55,684 --> 01:09:58,380
- Where the fuck you takin' us?
- Just hold on.

1274
01:10:03,692 --> 01:10:04,989
What the...

1275
01:10:08,964 --> 01:10:11,762
It's a good thing I have an empty
stomach or else I'd puke right now.

1276
01:10:16,471 --> 01:10:17,802
We're gonna make it.

1277
01:10:18,740 --> 01:10:20,674
Everything's gonna be all ri...

1278
01:10:22,777 --> 01:10:24,642
Oh, my God!

1279
01:10:26,114 --> 01:10:27,479
Oh, shit. Holy shit.

1280
01:10:27,549 --> 01:10:30,074
- Put her in reverse. Hurry!
- Shit!

1281
01:10:30,151 --> 01:10:32,016
Let's go out the back.
I'll go first.

1282
01:10:32,087 --> 01:10:34,920
- Don't shake the car!
- Well, hurry up!

1283
01:10:42,530 --> 01:10:44,054
Hey, Roldy, check it out.

1284
01:10:56,645 --> 01:10:58,806
Shit, shit!
We're trapped, man!

1285
01:11:02,450 --> 01:11:05,146
Whoa. Not necessarily.

1286
01:11:06,121 --> 01:11:07,713
No.

1287
01:11:07,789 --> 01:11:10,155
No, not a chance.
I'd rather turn myself in than die.

1288
01:11:10,225 --> 01:11:11,590
No, dude, I know
exactly how to do that.

1289
01:11:11,660 --> 01:11:13,685
I used to do it with my dad
all the time when I was a kid.

1290
01:11:13,762 --> 01:11:16,629
Forget it! I'm not risking my life
over a bunch of hamburgers, man.

1291
01:11:16,698 --> 01:11:18,962
So you think this is
just about the burgers, huh?

1292
01:11:19,868 --> 01:11:23,360
Let me tell you,
it's about far more than that.

1293
01:11:25,206 --> 01:11:27,174
Our parents came to this country,

1294
01:11:27,242 --> 01:11:31,269
escaping persecution,
poverty, and hunger.

1295
01:11:32,113 --> 01:11:33,978
Hunger, Harold.

1296
01:11:34,049 --> 01:11:36,950
They were very, very hungry.

1297
01:11:38,053 --> 01:11:40,749
They wanted to live in a land
that treated them as equals,

1298
01:11:40,822 --> 01:11:42,881
a land filled with hamburger stands.

1299
01:11:42,957 --> 01:11:44,982
And not just
one type of hamburger, okay?

1300
01:11:45,060 --> 01:11:48,655
Hundreds of types with different
sizes, toppings, and condiments.

1301
01:11:50,632 --> 01:11:52,600
That land was America.

1302
01:11:53,234 --> 01:11:56,533
America, Harold! America!

1303
01:11:57,706 --> 01:12:01,369
Now, this is about achieving
what our parents set out for.

1304
01:12:01,443 --> 01:12:04,606
This is about the pursuit
of happiness.

1305
01:12:04,679 --> 01:12:08,615
This night...
is about the American dream.

1306
01:12:16,024 --> 01:12:18,117
Dude, we can stay here,
get arrested,

1307
01:12:18,193 --> 01:12:21,162
and end our hopes of ever
going to White Castle.

1308
01:12:21,229 --> 01:12:25,063
Or we can take that hang glider
and make our leap towards freedom.

1309
01:12:25,133 --> 01:12:27,465
I leave the decision up to you.

1310
01:12:30,271 --> 01:12:32,068
I hate you, Kumar.

1311
01:12:33,575 --> 01:12:35,270
Tilt forward.

1312
01:12:35,343 --> 01:12:36,332
- Roldy.
- What?

1313
01:12:36,411 --> 01:12:38,174
- Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine.
- All right.

1314
01:12:41,916 --> 01:12:43,543
- Good job, Rold. Keep running.
- Thank you.

1315
01:12:43,618 --> 01:12:46,746
Hey, Roldy, there's something
I forgot to tell you.

1316
01:12:46,821 --> 01:12:48,880
- I've never hang-glided before.
- What?!

1317
01:12:48,957 --> 01:12:50,185
Jump!

1318
01:12:58,633 --> 01:12:59,622
Oh, my God!

1319
01:12:59,701 --> 01:13:01,566
- Dude, it's working!
- Oh, my God!

1320
01:13:01,636 --> 01:13:03,604
Yeah!

1321
01:13:04,239 --> 01:13:05,297
Good news.

1322
01:13:05,373 --> 01:13:07,705
I just found enough dope in the car

1323
01:13:07,776 --> 01:13:11,177
to put these skateboard punks
in jail for the next couple of years.

1324
01:13:13,515 --> 01:13:16,951
- Dude, we're so high right now.
- We're not low.

1325
01:13:24,125 --> 01:13:28,084
All right, I'm bringing her in.
Right, left, left.

1326
01:13:28,163 --> 01:13:29,596
Perfect!

1327
01:13:29,664 --> 01:13:31,859
- Shit!
- Shit!

1328
01:13:43,645 --> 01:13:45,203
God!

1329
01:13:45,280 --> 01:13:46,645
I'm gonna kill you!

1330
01:13:48,149 --> 01:13:49,582
Look!

1331
01:14:00,028 --> 01:14:01,461
We made it, dude.

1332
01:14:19,447 --> 01:14:21,381
Looks like you guys
had some night, huh?

1333
01:14:21,449 --> 01:14:24,714
I want 30 Slyders, 5 French fries,
and 4 large Cherry Cokes.

1334
01:14:24,786 --> 01:14:28,722
I want the same, except
make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.

1335
01:14:28,790 --> 01:14:32,692
Wow. Well, that comes
to $46.75.

1336
01:14:34,929 --> 01:14:37,921
- Dude, where's my money?
- You don't have money?

1337
01:14:37,999 --> 01:14:39,296
- Dude, are you kidding me?
- No.

1338
01:14:39,367 --> 01:14:41,392
I gave mine
to that asshole at Princeton.

1339
01:14:41,469 --> 01:14:44,597
Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck!
No! Dude, this isn't happening!

1340
01:14:44,672 --> 01:14:46,333
We didn't make it here,
and now we're broke!

1341
01:14:46,407 --> 01:14:47,669
No, no, no, no!

1342
01:14:47,742 --> 01:14:50,973
Guys, let me pay for it.
It's the least I can do.

1343
01:14:51,045 --> 01:14:52,410
The hell are you doing here?

1344
01:14:52,480 --> 01:14:54,710
You guys kept talking about
White Castle last night so much,

1345
01:14:54,782 --> 01:14:56,079
it made me start to crave it, too.

1346
01:14:56,150 --> 01:14:58,516
- Dude, where's my car?
- Where's his car, dude?

1347
01:14:58,586 --> 01:15:02,078
Yeah, sorry about that.
I told you last night I was tripping balls.

1348
01:15:02,156 --> 01:15:03,680
I don't know what came over me.

1349
01:15:03,758 --> 01:15:06,158
Your car's in the parking lot.
Here are your keys.

1350
01:15:06,227 --> 01:15:08,695
Do you realize what the hell we had to
go through after you took the car?

1351
01:15:08,763 --> 01:15:11,561
Yeah. It was a dick move
on my part.

1352
01:15:11,633 --> 01:15:15,194
That's why I'm paying
for your meal. Prick.

1353
01:15:15,270 --> 01:15:16,669
Thanks, I guess.

1354
01:15:16,738 --> 01:15:21,801
Here's 50 bucks for the burgers
and 200 for the car.

1355
01:15:22,977 --> 01:15:24,274
What happened to my car?

1356
01:15:24,345 --> 01:15:27,542
I made some love stains
in the back seat.

1357
01:15:27,615 --> 01:15:29,344
You'll see.

1358
01:15:32,053 --> 01:15:34,180
Anyway, nice meeting you guys.
I'll catch you later.

1359
01:15:34,722 --> 01:15:35,984
Where are you going?

1360
01:15:37,425 --> 01:15:39,154
Wherever God takes me.

1361
01:15:56,778 --> 01:15:58,643
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

1362
01:15:58,713 --> 01:15:59,737
Let's do this together.

1363
01:16:36,985 --> 01:16:38,577
Damn, that hit the spot.

1364
01:16:38,653 --> 01:16:41,622
- That was the best meal of my life.
- Mine, too.

1365
01:16:41,689 --> 01:16:43,247
You know what, dude?

1366
01:16:43,324 --> 01:16:45,622
I think I may actually go
to my interview today.

1367
01:16:45,693 --> 01:16:46,785
Are you serious?

1368
01:16:46,861 --> 01:16:48,351
You know, my whole life
I've just been scared

1369
01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:50,556
of being one of those nerdy
Indian guys turned doctor,

1370
01:16:50,631 --> 01:16:52,189
but tonight got me thinking.

1371
01:16:52,266 --> 01:16:54,496
There are far worse things
in this world than being tapped

1372
01:16:54,569 --> 01:16:56,730
for having a natural
ability in medicine.

1373
01:16:56,804 --> 01:16:59,432
<i>Chick magnet. Chick magnet</i>

1374
01:16:59,507 --> 01:17:02,533
Plus, how cool was that,
saving that dude's life last night?

1375
01:17:02,610 --> 01:17:06,512
It was somewhere between that,
getting yelled at by my dad,

1376
01:17:06,581 --> 01:17:07,570
and seeing Neil Patrick Harris

1377
01:17:07,648 --> 01:17:09,115
that I realized that I've
always wanted to be a doctor

1378
01:17:09,183 --> 01:17:11,208
but I've just been too scared
to admit it to myself.

1379
01:17:11,285 --> 01:17:13,583
- Billy, you paying for this?
- Yeah, I'll be there...

1380
01:17:13,654 --> 01:17:15,212
Good, 'cause if he wasn't,
you would.

1381
01:17:15,289 --> 01:17:18,122
Are you listening to me, Roldy?
I'm having a major epiphany here.

1382
01:17:18,192 --> 01:17:19,853
I'll be right back.

1383
01:17:19,927 --> 01:17:21,656
You're unlike any other woman
I've ever met.

1384
01:17:21,729 --> 01:17:24,220
What the fuck is going on here?

1385
01:17:25,099 --> 01:17:28,068
Harold?
What happened to you, man?

1386
01:17:28,136 --> 01:17:30,297
<i>Never mind me.
What the fuck are you doing here?</i>

1387
01:17:30,371 --> 01:17:32,532
I thought you and J.D.
Were busy all night with clients.

1388
01:17:32,607 --> 01:17:33,972
Isn't that why
I had to do your work?

1389
01:17:34,042 --> 01:17:36,272
- Henry, what the hell's going on?
- Back off, cock boy.

1390
01:17:36,344 --> 01:17:38,141
What I said to him
goes double for you.

1391
01:17:38,212 --> 01:17:40,112
- Did you just call me cock boy?
- Yeah, you know I did.

1392
01:17:40,181 --> 01:17:41,170
You're just stalling

1393
01:17:41,249 --> 01:17:43,183
because you're not quick
enough to think of a comeback.

1394
01:17:43,251 --> 01:17:45,185
You think I'm not quick enough.
Guy thinks I'm not quick enough.

1395
01:17:45,253 --> 01:17:48,017
<i>Well, I've got news for you.
I am quick enough...</i>

1396
01:17:51,426 --> 01:17:52,791
...cock boy!

1397
01:17:55,196 --> 01:17:56,754
Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry.

1398
01:17:56,831 --> 01:17:59,197
Don't bother with him. We'll take it up
with Berenson tomorrow.

1399
01:17:59,267 --> 01:18:01,030
What are you
gonna tell Berenson?

1400
01:18:01,102 --> 01:18:03,161
That I'm your workhorse?

1401
01:18:03,237 --> 01:18:05,967
That you guys think
you can party all weekend,

1402
01:18:06,040 --> 01:18:08,099
leave the work to
the quiet Asian guy in the office?

1403
01:18:08,176 --> 01:18:11,407
<i>- No, you don't understand.
- No, you don't understand.</i>

1404
01:18:11,479 --> 01:18:14,812
I'm not doing
your work for you anymore.

1405
01:18:14,882 --> 01:18:17,077
And if either one
of you douche bags

1406
01:18:17,151 --> 01:18:19,176
ever tries to pull
this shit again,

1407
01:18:19,253 --> 01:18:20,686
I'll go to Berenson myself.

1408
01:18:20,755 --> 01:18:22,723
I'll tell him what's really going on.

1409
01:18:22,790 --> 01:18:24,451
And I'll tell the whole office

1410
01:18:24,525 --> 01:18:27,983
how you both caught gonorrhea
from that prostitute in Atlantic City.

1411
01:18:29,263 --> 01:18:31,925
If you'll excuse me, boys,
I gotta get going. Kumar.

1412
01:18:33,468 --> 01:18:35,698
See you boys
at the office on Monday.

1413
01:18:35,770 --> 01:18:37,101
Excuse me.

1414
01:18:43,978 --> 01:18:46,947
Dude, that was awesome!
Where the hell did that come from?

1415
01:18:47,014 --> 01:18:48,003
I don't know.

1416
01:18:48,082 --> 01:18:51,108
Eating those delicious burgers
made me feel like a new man.

1417
01:18:51,185 --> 01:18:52,209
You know what?

1418
01:18:52,286 --> 01:18:54,083
Now I'm actually looking forward
to going to work this week.

1419
01:18:54,155 --> 01:18:57,613
No shit. You know,
you might be worthwhile after all.

1420
01:18:57,692 --> 01:18:59,159
I'm not worthless.

1421
01:18:59,227 --> 01:19:02,594
Hey, so those dudes
really have gonorrhea?

1422
01:19:02,663 --> 01:19:03,925
Beats me.

1423
01:19:05,933 --> 01:19:07,264
Hey.

1424
01:19:08,169 --> 01:19:10,228
- Let's get going.
- What's the rush, dude?

1425
01:19:10,304 --> 01:19:11,965
I don't have my interview
for a couple of hours.

1426
01:19:12,039 --> 01:19:14,303
I got some unfinished business
to take care of.

1427
01:19:14,375 --> 01:19:16,172
I thought those guys
were gonna do the work.

1428
01:19:16,244 --> 01:19:18,678
No, unfinished business.

1429
01:19:18,746 --> 01:19:20,941
- Maria.
- Still not following you.

1430
01:19:21,015 --> 01:19:22,004
Get in!

1431
01:19:28,656 --> 01:19:30,089
So you don't even have a plan.

1432
01:19:30,158 --> 01:19:33,286
Dude, I got love
on my side, man.

1433
01:19:33,361 --> 01:19:34,521
Trust me.

1434
01:19:34,595 --> 01:19:38,554
When I see Maria, I'm gonna
know exactly what to say.

1435
01:19:43,604 --> 01:19:45,037
- Hey.
- Hey.

1436
01:19:45,106 --> 01:19:47,973
It looks like you guys
have had some night.

1437
01:19:51,946 --> 01:19:55,575
Shit. You know what?
I left my lighter in your car.

1438
01:19:55,650 --> 01:19:57,515
Do me a favor and run down
and get it for me, please?

1439
01:19:57,585 --> 01:19:59,246
I gotta urinate.

1440
01:20:19,807 --> 01:20:22,207
You sure got a lot of baggage.

1441
01:20:33,955 --> 01:20:35,388
Maria, wait.

1442
01:20:35,456 --> 01:20:37,583
I know this is gonna seem
completely out of the blue,

1443
01:20:37,658 --> 01:20:40,718
and I know you don't know me
very well... or, um, at all.

1444
01:20:40,795 --> 01:20:42,660
But let me tell you
the best part of my day is.

1445
01:20:42,730 --> 01:20:45,221
I come home from work
and I walk through this lobby,

1446
01:20:45,299 --> 01:20:47,358
and on days that I'm lucky enough,

1447
01:20:47,435 --> 01:20:50,700
I spend ten seconds
in this elevator with you.

1448
01:20:50,771 --> 01:20:52,864
I had the craziest night
of my life tonight,

1449
01:20:52,940 --> 01:20:56,103
and I guess I learned that
if you want something or someone,

1450
01:20:56,177 --> 01:20:57,405
you have to go for it.

1451
01:20:59,580 --> 01:21:01,980
And if Liane can
marry a guy like Freakshow

1452
01:21:02,049 --> 01:21:04,779
and I can hang-glide
and I can ride a cheetah,

1453
01:21:04,852 --> 01:21:06,410
then I guess...

1454
01:21:07,421 --> 01:21:08,410
Oh, fuck it.

1455
01:21:08,489 --> 01:21:12,482
Girl, I'm spendin' my dimes

1456
01:21:12,560 --> 01:21:14,892
Give me a minute.
This is crazy.

1457
01:21:14,962 --> 01:21:17,021
- That was... I'm sorry.
- I don't even know you.

1458
01:21:17,098 --> 01:21:19,589
I had White Castle,
so I'm a little dizzy.

1459
01:21:19,667 --> 01:21:22,295
- We don't ever speak.
- We don't talk, so that was inappropriate.

1460
01:21:22,370 --> 01:21:23,632
Oh, fuck it.

1461
01:21:23,704 --> 01:21:26,502
<i>I wanna get next to you</i>

1462
01:21:29,944 --> 01:21:34,278
<i>I wanna get next to you</i>

1463
01:21:37,285 --> 01:21:38,274
Okay.

1464
01:21:40,021 --> 01:21:41,989
Now you just have to work
on your timing.

1465
01:21:42,056 --> 01:21:43,990
- Where are you going?
- Amsterdam.

1466
01:21:44,058 --> 01:21:47,221
I'll be back in ten days.
But I'll see you when I get back?

1467
01:21:47,295 --> 01:21:49,490
Yeah, let's do that.

1468
01:21:56,137 --> 01:21:57,627
Bye, Harold.

1469
01:22:00,174 --> 01:22:02,039
Bye. Bye.
I'll see you later.

1470
01:22:03,377 --> 01:22:05,311
- She touch your penis?
- What?

1471
01:22:05,379 --> 01:22:07,006
What happened?

1472
01:22:07,081 --> 01:22:11,518
Nothing much, really.
Just a little kiss action.

1473
01:22:11,585 --> 01:22:13,212
Nice. Nice!

1474
01:22:13,287 --> 01:22:15,847
Yeah. She's going to Amsterdam.
She'll be back in ten days.

1475
01:22:15,923 --> 01:22:17,754
We gotta go.

1476
01:22:17,825 --> 01:22:19,383
- Where?
- Amsterdam, man.

1477
01:22:19,460 --> 01:22:20,859
- We gotta get our bags packed...
- Amsterdam?

1478
01:22:20,928 --> 01:22:22,953
...and frickin' take the next flight out.

1479
01:22:23,030 --> 01:22:25,123
Are you freaking out of your mind?
What about your interview?

1480
01:22:25,199 --> 01:22:27,190
Dude, whatever.
I'll tell my dad to reschedule it.

1481
01:22:27,268 --> 01:22:30,101
He won't have a problem as long as
I take it seriously for a change.

1482
01:22:30,171 --> 01:22:33,038
We gotta freakin' go to Europe
and find Maria.

1483
01:22:33,107 --> 01:22:35,166
Dude, she's coming back
in ten days.

1484
01:22:35,242 --> 01:22:36,903
It's not like I'm never
gonna see her again.

1485
01:22:36,977 --> 01:22:38,205
Listen, for a hot chick,

1486
01:22:38,279 --> 01:22:40,247
ten days in Europe
can be the kiss of death, okay?

1487
01:22:40,314 --> 01:22:43,408
She's gonna have all these suave,
sophisticated guys all over her.

1488
01:22:43,484 --> 01:22:45,452
When she gets back,
she may not be available.

1489
01:22:45,519 --> 01:22:47,987
Forget it. I'll see her
when she comes back.

1490
01:22:48,055 --> 01:22:49,249
Hey, Roldy.

1491
01:22:50,791 --> 01:22:53,851
You do realize what's legal
in Amsterdam, don't you?

1492
01:22:56,430 --> 01:22:57,624
Oh, yeah.

1493
01:23:04,772 --> 01:23:07,536
In today's headlines,
Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson

1494
01:23:07,608 --> 01:23:10,441
and attorney Nathaniel Banks are
suing the state of New Jersey

1495
01:23:10,511 --> 01:23:13,036
for racial discrimination
and police brutality.

1496
01:23:13,114 --> 01:23:15,548
My family and I are outraged

1497
01:23:15,616 --> 01:23:18,050
and will settle for
nothing less than justice.

1498
01:23:18,119 --> 01:23:22,055
I still trust and love
all white people, all of them.

1499
01:23:22,857 --> 01:23:24,882
And Asians.
And Asians.

1500
01:23:24,959 --> 01:23:26,688
And a few Mexicans as well.

1501
01:23:26,761 --> 01:23:29,229
Several of the officers
suspected of brutality

1502
01:23:29,296 --> 01:23:31,594
were taken into custody
earlier this morning.

1503
01:23:31,665 --> 01:23:33,758
Run away, you mother...

1504
01:23:33,834 --> 01:23:37,668
No black mother... gonna get away
with this, so... all y'all.

1505
01:23:37,738 --> 01:23:39,330
You can suck my...

1506
01:23:39,407 --> 01:23:40,999
Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey,

1507
01:23:41,075 --> 01:23:43,066
have just arrested
a gang of hooligans

1508
01:23:43,144 --> 01:23:46,011
who are suspected of terrorizing
numerous strip malls

1509
01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:47,240
and convenience stores.

1510
01:23:47,314 --> 01:23:49,680
Officer Thurmond Brucks
found their abandoned car,

1511
01:23:49,750 --> 01:23:52,583
which contained a large bag
of marijuana.

1512
01:23:52,653 --> 01:23:54,951
And in other news,
the Muckleburg Police Department

1513
01:23:55,022 --> 01:23:56,819
are still looking for a fugitive

1514
01:23:56,891 --> 01:23:58,791
who escaped
from the police station last night

1515
01:23:58,859 --> 01:24:01,555
with a companion
believed to be his accomplice.

1516
01:24:01,629 --> 01:24:03,824
Police have released
sketches of the two fugitives

1517
01:24:03,898 --> 01:24:06,992
which they believe
to be extremely accurate.

1518
01:24:10,871 --> 01:24:12,065
Nice!