WEBVTT FILE

1
00:00:39.033 --> 00:00:41.524
Billy Boy!
Get your ass ready!

2
00:00:41.602 --> 00:00:44.469
It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy
needs to get his drink on.

3
00:00:44.539 --> 00:00:46.632
- No, no, no. Give me that.
- Don't.

4
00:00:46.707 --> 00:00:48.937
- I'm gonna burn it once and for all.
- Stop that.

5
00:00:49.010 --> 00:00:51.638
Dude, it's been six months.
It's time to move on, okay?

6
00:00:51.712 --> 00:00:53.873
Whatever. Even if
I wanted to meet other women,

7
00:00:53.948 --> 00:00:55.245
I wouldn't even know what to do.

8
00:00:55.316 --> 00:00:57.216
I've been out of the game
for so long.

9
00:00:57.285 --> 00:01:00.277
Dude, you come out with me tonight,
I promise you will get laid.

10
00:01:00.354 --> 00:01:02.413
Yeah, it sounds very tempting,

11
00:01:02.490 --> 00:01:04.287
but Berenson needs me to update
these financial models

12
00:01:04.358 --> 00:01:06.019
for the meeting
with the foreign investors.

13
00:01:06.093 --> 00:01:07.560
So what?
It's Friday night.

14
00:01:07.628 --> 00:01:09.357
The Germans are taking
an early flight back.

15
00:01:09.430 --> 00:01:11.022
The meeting got changed
to tomorrow.

16
00:01:11.098 --> 00:01:12.929
So? Why don't you
just get somebody else

17
00:01:13.000 --> 00:01:14.558
to do your work for you?

18
00:01:14.635 --> 00:01:15.863
Who?

19
00:01:15.937 --> 00:01:19.964
Harold, I need you to update
those models for me.

20
00:01:20.041 --> 00:01:22.669
- Billy, aren't you supposed to...
- I know. Something just came up.

21
00:01:22.743 --> 00:01:24.836
I have this meeting
with these new clients tonight,

22
00:01:24.912 --> 00:01:27.710
and I'm never gonna have time
to get to those.

23
00:01:27.782 --> 00:01:30.342
So that's your
responsibility now, big boy.

24
00:01:30.418 --> 00:01:33.182
Make sure those are in
by 9:00 sharp tomorrow.

25
00:01:33.254 --> 00:01:35.552
With all the downsizing
that's been going on around here,

26
00:01:35.623 --> 00:01:38.751
we wouldn't want to have to tell Berenson
you've been slacking, now would we?

27
00:01:45.633 --> 00:01:47.157
Yeah.

28
00:01:47.235 --> 00:01:49.135
Okay, no problem.

29
00:01:49.203 --> 00:01:50.568
Hey.

30
00:01:50.638 --> 00:01:52.970
You have a great weekend,
okay, buddy?

31
00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:55.668
I owe you one.
Just one.

32
00:01:56.177 --> 00:01:57.166
Thank you.

33
00:02:05.553 --> 00:02:09.080
Wow! That was amazing.
I cannot believe how easy that was.

34
00:02:09.156 --> 00:02:11.317
Dude, how do you think
I get all my shit done?

35
00:02:11.392 --> 00:02:13.553
I'm telling you, those Asian guys
love crunching numbers.

36
00:02:13.628 --> 00:02:15.619
You probably
just made his weekend.

37
00:02:17.531 --> 00:02:18.930
<i>Chick magnet</i>

38
00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:21.662
<i>Chick magnet. Chick magnet</i>

39
00:02:21.736 --> 00:02:24.068
<i>Chick magnet. Yeah</i>

40
00:02:24.138 --> 00:02:25.435
Fuck.

41
00:02:26.307 --> 00:02:28.036
An excellent point, Mr. Patel.

42
00:02:28.109 --> 00:02:30.634
You are one of the finest applicants
I have ever interviewed.

43
00:02:30.711 --> 00:02:31.905
Thank you.

44
00:02:31.979 --> 00:02:36.006
It comes as no surprise. Your father
is highly respected in his field.

45
00:02:36.083 --> 00:02:37.744
As you probably heard
from your old man,

46
00:02:37.818 --> 00:02:40.946
he and I had some pretty wild times
back in med school.

47
00:02:41.022 --> 00:02:42.182
Really?

48
00:02:42.256 --> 00:02:45.282
Yeah. We started
our own basketball team...

49
00:02:45.359 --> 00:02:47.293
the Hemoglobin Trotters.

50
00:02:47.828 --> 00:02:50.388
Hemo-globin Trotters...
get it?

51
00:02:50.464 --> 00:02:55.834
A play on the name of the famous
colored, Negro basketball squad...

52
00:02:55.903 --> 00:02:58.133
black, African-American.

53
00:02:58.205 --> 00:03:00.935
You know, people of colors.

54
00:03:01.008 --> 00:03:04.603
Let's end up with one final question,
just as a formality.

55
00:03:04.679 --> 00:03:08.615
What are some potential
symptoms of pancreatitis?

56
00:03:08.683 --> 00:03:11.675
Well, you would have
epigastric tenderness,

57
00:03:11.752 --> 00:03:13.583
diffuse abdominal tenderness...

58
00:03:14.355 --> 00:03:16.619
I'm sorry.
Can you hold on one second?

59
00:03:18.559 --> 00:03:20.151
Kumar's phone.
Kumar speaking.

60
00:03:20.227 --> 00:03:21.990
Hey, what's up? It's me.
What are you doing?

61
00:03:22.063 --> 00:03:24.156
Nothing important. I can talk.
What's going on?

62
00:03:24.231 --> 00:03:28.497
Listen, I can't party tonight, okay?
I gotta stay late at the office.

63
00:03:28.569 --> 00:03:30.503
Dude, fuck that shit.
We had plans.

64
00:03:30.571 --> 00:03:32.596
I know, but I got
a lot of work to do.

65
00:03:32.673 --> 00:03:36.074
When has getting high ever
prevented you from doing your work?

66
00:03:36.143 --> 00:03:37.132
Jesus!

67
00:03:38.546 --> 00:03:40.810
<i>Believe me.
I would love to come home. Okay?</i>

68
00:03:40.881 --> 00:03:42.644
<i>- I got a lot of work to do.
- Thank you. I'll do that.</i>

69
00:03:42.717 --> 00:03:44.810
I got a quarter of the
finest herb in New York City.

70
00:03:44.885 --> 00:03:46.580
I'm not smoking
that shit alone, okay?

71
00:03:46.654 --> 00:03:49.384
So you need to just chill the fuck out
and prepare to get blazed

72
00:03:49.457 --> 00:03:51.049
because in the next couple of hours,

73
00:03:51.125 --> 00:03:53.252
I expect both of us to be
blitzed out of our skulls, got it?

74
00:03:53.327 --> 00:03:54.521
All right, I got it.

75
00:03:54.595 --> 00:03:57.029
I'll talk to you later.
Where was I?

76
00:03:57.098 --> 00:04:00.465
We've got the severe anal discharge,
sometimes violent... a.k.a. Diarrhea.

77
00:04:00.534 --> 00:04:03.367
Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar
with diarrhea.

78
00:04:03.437 --> 00:04:06.304
Do you actually believe
after the way you've just behaved

79
00:04:06.374 --> 00:04:09.104
that I would ever even consider
recommending you for admission?

80
00:04:09.176 --> 00:04:11.041
No. I'm gonna
be honest with you.

81
00:04:11.112 --> 00:04:12.101
The only reason I'm applying

82
00:04:12.179 --> 00:04:13.476
is so my dad
will keep paying for my apartment.

83
00:04:13.547 --> 00:04:15.208
I really don't have a desire
to go to med school.

84
00:04:15.282 --> 00:04:17.842
But you have perfect MCAT scores.

85
00:04:17.918 --> 00:04:19.886
Yeah. Just 'cause you're
hung like a moose

86
00:04:19.954 --> 00:04:21.649
doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

87
00:04:22.189 --> 00:04:24.214
Get out! Bernadette,
show this young man to the door!

88
00:04:24.291 --> 00:04:27.852
And please bring in
some fresh diarrhe... dry towels!

89
00:05:03.497 --> 00:05:04.759
Yes!

90
00:05:04.832 --> 00:05:07.062
Right in front of the door.

91
00:05:10.337 --> 00:05:12.271
This is America, dude!
Learn how to drive!

92
00:05:12.339 --> 00:05:13.704
Better "ruck" tomorrow!

93
00:05:15.943 --> 00:05:18.776
- Extreme!
- Fucking assholes.

94
00:05:20.281 --> 00:05:21.509
Fuck.

95
00:06:00.521 --> 00:06:01.954
Okay.

96
00:06:03.057 --> 00:06:06.549
Be yourself.
Don't be nervous.

97
00:06:25.246 --> 00:06:27.908
So, Maria, what's been goin' on?

98
00:06:27.982 --> 00:06:31.941
I actually had a very long week
at work. How about you?

99
00:06:32.019 --> 00:06:34.351
Work was good.
I caught up on some sleep.

100
00:06:34.421 --> 00:06:37.049
Plus, the guy who works next to me
decided to bathe for a change.

101
00:06:37.124 --> 00:06:38.421
Really?

102
00:06:38.492 --> 00:06:40.357
So what are you up to tonight?

103
00:06:40.427 --> 00:06:42.691
Actually, I'm just gonna
be sitting on my ass,

104
00:06:42.763 --> 00:06:44.424
probably eat a whole pint
of Haagen-Dazs

105
00:06:44.498 --> 00:06:45.692
<i>while I watch Blind Date.</i>

106
00:06:45.766 --> 00:06:48.394
Well, that sounds awful.

107
00:06:50.471 --> 00:06:51.938
If you want some company,

108
00:06:52.006 --> 00:06:54.839
maybe you can come over
and sit on your ass at my place.

109
00:06:56.043 --> 00:06:57.510
That sounds nice.

110
00:07:44.224 --> 00:07:45.589
Bye.

111
00:07:47.528 --> 00:07:49.553
Bye. Bye.

112
00:08:05.212 --> 00:08:06.406
Kumar.

113
00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:07.777
Yo.

114
00:08:14.088 --> 00:08:15.578
Yo, Kumar.

115
00:08:17.124 --> 00:08:18.716
Yo, I'm in here, dude.

116
00:08:26.433 --> 00:08:28.094
Hey! What the hell are you doing?

117
00:08:28.168 --> 00:08:30.432
I'm trimming my pubes.

118
00:08:30.504 --> 00:08:32.802
Why aren't you
doing this in your room, man?

119
00:08:32.873 --> 00:08:35.364
The mirror's in here.
Hey, check it out. It's like a bonsai tree.

120
00:08:35.442 --> 00:08:36.431
Hey!

121
00:08:36.510 --> 00:08:38.808
Besides, man, it makes
your johnson look totally bigger.

122
00:08:38.879 --> 00:08:40.608
Please!

123
00:08:41.515 --> 00:08:45.178
Are those my scissors?
Dude, I trim my nose hair with those!

124
00:08:45.252 --> 00:08:48.346
Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair
with them for the past six months.

125
00:08:51.692 --> 00:08:54.286
Get out!
Get out of my room.

126
00:09:03.504 --> 00:09:05.199
<i>Kumar. It's Daddy.</i>

127
00:09:05.272 --> 00:09:07.331
<i>I hope your interview
today was good.</i>

128
00:09:07.408 --> 00:09:09.842
<i>I'm calling to remind you
that you have another one tomorrow</i>

129
00:09:09.910 --> 00:09:13.368
<i>with Dr. Wein from Cornell
at 10 a.m. Do not be late.</i>

130
00:09:13.447 --> 00:09:15.642
- Hook it up, bi-yatch.
- Let's do it.

131
00:09:24.391 --> 00:09:25.824
Fuck!

132
00:09:29.530 --> 00:09:32.556
<i>In tonight's top story.
A cheetah escaped earlier today</i>

133
00:09:32.633 --> 00:09:34.396
<i>from the Morristown Zoo.</i>

134
00:09:34.468 --> 00:09:38.370
<i>Oh, nice.
Sixteen Candles is on, man.</i>

135
00:09:38.439 --> 00:09:40.839
And the award for the least
heterosexual statement

136
00:09:40.908 --> 00:09:44.309
ever made in this apartment
goes to... Harold Lee.

137
00:09:44.378 --> 00:09:46.846
Come on down, man.
Take a bow.

138
00:09:46.914 --> 00:09:48.882
Shut up, man.
It's a classic.

139
00:09:48.949 --> 00:09:50.974
It's a very beautiful story
about someone

140
00:09:51.051 --> 00:09:54.316
who feels unnoticed,
unappreciated, unloved, you know?

141
00:09:54.388 --> 00:09:56.253
- Turn it.
- It's a good one, though.

142
00:09:56.323 --> 00:09:57.347
Homo.

143
00:09:57.424 --> 00:09:59.688
<i>Come on. Dude.
Just take one hit.</i>

144
00:10:01.395 --> 00:10:02.760
<i>Don't you wanna be cool?</i>

145
00:10:08.168 --> 00:10:10.363
<i>Hey. Man.
What are you doin'?</i>

146
00:10:10.437 --> 00:10:12.496
<i>I'm so high!</i>

147
00:10:13.674 --> 00:10:15.073
<i>Nothing can hurt me.</i>

148
00:10:16.443 --> 00:10:18.274
<i>No!</i>

149
00:10:18.345 --> 00:10:21.371
<i>- Marijuana kills.
- I love that shit.</i>

150
00:10:21.715 --> 00:10:23.774
We're so high right now.

151
00:10:23.851 --> 00:10:25.216
We're not low.

152
00:10:25.285 --> 00:10:28.686
Dude, I don't know about you,
but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls.

153
00:10:28.756 --> 00:10:30.314
No shit, dude.
Let's eat.

154
00:10:30.390 --> 00:10:32.881
No, I don't feel
like delivery tonight.

155
00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:36.088
- What about KFC?
- We've been there too many times.

156
00:10:36.163 --> 00:10:38.859
I want something
we haven't had in a while.

157
00:10:39.433 --> 00:10:42.834
Something different,
something that'll really hit the spot.

158
00:10:43.871 --> 00:10:45.896
I want the perfect food.

159
00:10:45.973 --> 00:10:48.737
<i>Are you hungry?</i>

160
00:10:48.809 --> 00:10:52.370
<i>Then come to White Castle
and try our Slyder Special...</i>

161
00:10:53.747 --> 00:10:58.013
<i>Six burgers. Fries.
And a soft drink for only $2.99.</i>

162
00:10:59.219 --> 00:11:03.315
<i>Imagine all those burgers
in your stomach right now.</i>

163
00:11:07.127 --> 00:11:10.392
<i>Don't you like food
that's tasty and delicious?</i>

164
00:11:10.464 --> 00:11:11.522
I do.

165
00:11:11.598 --> 00:11:13.566
<i>Then what are you waiting for?</i>

166
00:11:13.634 --> 00:11:16.728
<i>Head over to White Castle.
It's what you crave.</i>

167
00:11:18.372 --> 00:11:20.465
You sure you know
how to get there?

168
00:11:20.541 --> 00:11:22.566
I haven't been
to White Castle in ages.

169
00:11:22.643 --> 00:11:25.203
Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by
that multiplex in New Brunswick.

170
00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:26.268
Nice.

171
00:11:26.346 --> 00:11:27.836
- Rosenberg!
- Goldstein!

172
00:11:28.482 --> 00:11:32.543
Yo, Manny and Shevitz, get up.
We're going to White Castle.

173
00:11:32.619 --> 00:11:35.417
<i>No, we're watching
The Gift on HBO.</i>

174
00:11:35.489 --> 00:11:37.252
No, no, no.
No watching. We're starving.

175
00:11:37.858 --> 00:11:39.553
Hey, put that back.

176
00:11:39.626 --> 00:11:41.890
No eating until we get
to White Castle. Let's roll.

177
00:11:41.962 --> 00:11:43.691
Sorry, kids,
we ain't going nowhere.

178
00:11:43.764 --> 00:11:45.994
Supposedly Katie Holmes
shows her titties in this movie.

179
00:11:46.066 --> 00:11:48.261
Is that all you Jews
ever think about... tits?

180
00:11:48.335 --> 00:11:51.736
Katie Holmes is a nice,
respectable, wholesome girl.

181
00:11:51.805 --> 00:11:54.638
And I'm gonna see her boobs.

182
00:11:54.708 --> 00:11:57.677
The things I would eat
out of her ass... you have no idea!

183
00:11:58.512 --> 00:12:00.275
That is
a completely vulgar statement.

184
00:12:00.347 --> 00:12:03.282
So is "I want to bang Britney Spears
on the bathroom floor."

185
00:12:03.350 --> 00:12:05.113
But it's true.

186
00:12:05.185 --> 00:12:06.174
Touche.

187
00:12:06.253 --> 00:12:07.481
Hey, listen, if...

188
00:12:10.791 --> 00:12:12.588
<i>I think Kumar's a faygele.</i>

189
00:12:12.659 --> 00:12:14.786
They're totally gay for each other.

190
00:12:14.862 --> 00:12:17.228
- Hey, you wanna suck on this?
- Uh-huh.

191
00:12:19.032 --> 00:12:20.124
What the hell are you
bringing your bag for?

192
00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:22.259
Try to get some work done
in the car.

193
00:12:22.336 --> 00:12:24.736
- Here, you're driving.
- Shit, I forgot my cell phone.

194
00:12:24.805 --> 00:12:26.932
You wanna run back and get it?

195
00:12:32.546 --> 00:12:34.639
No, we've gone too far.

196
00:12:35.549 --> 00:12:37.483
Hey, there's your girlfriend.

197
00:12:37.551 --> 00:12:39.041
You gonna talk to her this time,

198
00:12:39.119 --> 00:12:41.314
or are you gonna be
a Vagina McGinastein about it?

199
00:12:42.956 --> 00:12:44.218
What the hell are you doing?

200
00:12:44.291 --> 00:12:45.656
You could've asked her if she wanted
to come to White Castle with us.

201
00:12:45.726 --> 00:12:48.058
- Hold the elevator. Wait!
- Hey, how are...

202
00:12:49.796 --> 00:12:51.388
You're worthless.

203
00:12:52.099 --> 00:12:53.691
I'm not worthwhile.

204
00:12:53.767 --> 00:12:56.292
Just fucking talk to her once.
It won't be weird anymore.

205
00:12:56.370 --> 00:12:57.769
Look, it doesn't matter.

206
00:12:57.838 --> 00:13:00.636
The only girls who are interested in me
are girls I have no interest in.

207
00:13:00.707 --> 00:13:01.901
Like Cindy Kim.

208
00:13:01.975 --> 00:13:03.567
Speaking of Cindy,
she called earlier.

209
00:13:03.644 --> 00:13:06.306
One of those Asian clubs she's in
is throwing a party at her dorm tonight.

210
00:13:06.380 --> 00:13:08.439
God, she invites me to everything.

211
00:13:08.515 --> 00:13:11.678
So what? She's kind of fuckin' cute.
Let her touch your penis.

212
00:13:12.319 --> 00:13:13.684
Oh, look.

213
00:13:13.754 --> 00:13:15.813
It's the Brothers McFag.

214
00:13:15.889 --> 00:13:18.517
Let me guess... the one
with the purse is the catcher.

215
00:13:19.860 --> 00:13:22.488
Come on, guys, let's get ourselves
some fucking Mountain Dew.

216
00:13:22.562 --> 00:13:23.551
Extreme!

217
00:13:23.630 --> 00:13:25.723
Yeah, extreme assholes.

218
00:13:25.799 --> 00:13:27.391
Why do I
have to be the catcher?

219
00:13:27.467 --> 00:13:29.935
Dude, forget about those pricks.
Let's just get some food.

220
00:13:34.641 --> 00:13:37.735
I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat,
like, 20 of those burgers, man.

221
00:13:37.811 --> 00:13:42.441
Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers
and raise you 5 orders of fries.

222
00:13:44.651 --> 00:13:45.913
Dude, give me 35 cents.

223
00:13:52.926 --> 00:13:54.621
What's going on?
It didn't register.

224
00:13:54.695 --> 00:13:56.925
- What?
- Give me 35 more cents.

225
00:13:56.997 --> 00:14:00.228
- I don't have any more change.
- Should I just go through?

226
00:14:00.300 --> 00:14:02.791
No, no, I don't like
breaking the law.

227
00:14:02.869 --> 00:14:04.393
Yeah, I can see that.

228
00:14:05.605 --> 00:14:08.073
Hey, move your ass!

229
00:14:08.141 --> 00:14:10.268
- I'm sorry. Hold on.
- I'm going through.

230
00:14:10.344 --> 00:14:12.039
No, don't.
No. No. Hold on.

231
00:14:12.112 --> 00:14:14.979
Let me walk to a manned tollbooth
and I'll tell them what happened.

232
00:14:15.048 --> 00:14:17.983
- Sorry!
- Move, you fuckin' twat!

233
00:14:18.051 --> 00:14:20.019
- What's the fuckin' holdup here?
- Shit.

234
00:14:22.255 --> 00:14:24.985
Move, you retarded cocksucker!
Move!

235
00:14:25.792 --> 00:14:28.022
- Are you crazy?
- What?

236
00:14:29.496 --> 00:14:30.861
What are you doing?
Why you throwing the weed out?!

237
00:14:30.931 --> 00:14:33.161
- The cops are gonna catch us.
- No, they're not. Not for that.

238
00:14:33.233 --> 00:14:34.291
- Take this exit.
- What?

239
00:14:34.368 --> 00:14:35.528
- Take this exit!
- No!

240
00:14:35.602 --> 00:14:36.967
Dude!

241
00:14:37.037 --> 00:14:38.800
You know,
that was the last of our weed.

242
00:14:38.872 --> 00:14:41.363
Sorry. I get a little
paranoid sometimes.

243
00:14:41.441 --> 00:14:43.170
Now we're in Newark,
of all places.

244
00:14:43.243 --> 00:14:45.108
You know we're
gonna get shot.

245
00:14:45.178 --> 00:14:48.773
Maybe it's not as bad as they say.
Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.

246
00:14:48.849 --> 00:14:51.647
Check it out. Those guys
look like a lame version of us.

247
00:14:57.157 --> 00:14:58.351
- Holy shit!
- Holy shit!

248
00:15:03.897 --> 00:15:05.888
Let's get the fuck outta here.

249
00:15:07.167 --> 00:15:10.193
- Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
- Yeah, that was your fault.

250
00:15:10.270 --> 00:15:11.794
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.

251
00:15:14.808 --> 00:15:16.173
Yo, check it out.
We're almost there.

252
00:15:16.243 --> 00:15:17.767
Thank God. I'm starving.

253
00:15:17.844 --> 00:15:21.837
- Hello, New Brunswick!
- Prepare to gorge yourself.

254
00:15:21.915 --> 00:15:24.247
You know...
We need some tunage for this.

255
00:15:24.317 --> 00:15:25.875
Presets. Use the presets.

256
00:15:25.952 --> 00:15:27.817
Oh, come on, dude,
your whole life is preset.

257
00:15:27.888 --> 00:15:29.253
Try something new.

258
00:15:31.124 --> 00:15:33.888
Where is this place? Isn't it
supposed to be right around here?

259
00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:36.485
- Chill. We'll find it.
- Wait a second... is that the multiplex?

260
00:15:36.563 --> 00:15:38.121
- Yes.
- Sweet!

261
00:15:38.198 --> 00:15:40.792
That means the White Castle
should be right around the corner.

262
00:15:42.536 --> 00:15:43.901
What the hell
is going on, Kumar?

263
00:15:43.970 --> 00:15:45.733
That does not look
like a White Castle to me.

264
00:15:45.806 --> 00:15:48.331
Uh-uh.
Dude, we gotta check this out.

265
00:15:53.113 --> 00:15:56.480
Hey, look here, fellas. You guys gonna
have to order from the drive-thru menu.

266
00:15:56.550 --> 00:15:58.575
What happened to the White Castle?

267
00:15:58.652 --> 00:15:59.641
What?

268
00:15:59.719 --> 00:16:01.619
There used to be a White Castle
right here in this location.

269
00:16:01.688 --> 00:16:02.677
Where is it?

270
00:16:02.756 --> 00:16:04.690
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, guys,

271
00:16:04.758 --> 00:16:07.158
but Burger Shack, they bought
this location about four years ago.

272
00:16:07.227 --> 00:16:08.216
God!

273
00:16:08.295 --> 00:16:10.058
Please tell me there's
another White Castle in town.

274
00:16:10.130 --> 00:16:11.688
- No.
- Are you sure?

275
00:16:11.765 --> 00:16:12.789
Do I look like the kind of brother

276
00:16:12.866 --> 00:16:14.424
that would be unsure
about something like that?

277
00:16:14.501 --> 00:16:16.867
Shit!
What are we gonna do?

278
00:16:16.937 --> 00:16:19.497
I don't know, man.
Should we just eat here?

279
00:16:19.573 --> 00:16:20.562
Hey. Psst.

280
00:16:22.275 --> 00:16:25.733
There's a White Castle that's
open 24 hours up in Cherry Hill.

281
00:16:25.812 --> 00:16:27.211
It's about
45 minutes from here.

282
00:16:27.280 --> 00:16:29.043
I can make the trip
if you're willing to.

283
00:16:29.116 --> 00:16:30.845
Kumar, I got a shitload
of work to finish.

284
00:16:30.917 --> 00:16:32.407
You got that
med school interview.

285
00:16:32.486 --> 00:16:34.784
Forget about the med school
interview. It's a non-issue.

286
00:16:34.855 --> 00:16:36.345
What do you mean
it's a non-issue?

287
00:16:36.423 --> 00:16:39.586
Ding-dong!
May I interject for a second?

288
00:16:39.659 --> 00:16:42.753
As a Burger Shack employee
for the past three years,

289
00:16:42.829 --> 00:16:45.821
if there's one thing I've learned,
it's that if you're craving White Castle,

290
00:16:45.899 --> 00:16:47.560
the burgers here
just don't cut it.

291
00:16:48.535 --> 00:16:54.269
In fact, just thinking about those
tender little White Castle burgers

292
00:16:54.341 --> 00:16:56.309
with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions

293
00:16:56.376 --> 00:16:58.606
that just explode
in your mouth like flavor crystals

294
00:16:58.678 --> 00:17:00.168
every time you bite into one...

295
00:17:02.782 --> 00:17:05.410
...just makes me want
to burn this motherfucker down.

296
00:17:06.520 --> 00:17:09.648
Come on, Pookie,
let's burn this motherfucker down!

297
00:17:09.723 --> 00:17:12.123
Come on, Pookie!
Let's burn it, Pookie!

298
00:17:12.192 --> 00:17:14.160
Let's burn this
motherfucker down!

299
00:17:14.227 --> 00:17:16.821
Let's burn it down!
Let's burn it!

300
00:17:19.432 --> 00:17:23.596
So you guys maybe should just
suck it up and go to White Castle.

301
00:17:24.971 --> 00:17:28.270
You can always get
your work done in the car.

302
00:17:28.808 --> 00:17:30.605
- Let's do it.
- All right. Awesome.

303
00:17:30.677 --> 00:17:33.840
Then listen, listen... no matter what,
we are not ending this night

304
00:17:33.914 --> 00:17:35.381
without White Castle
in our stomachs.

305
00:17:35.448 --> 00:17:36.642
- Agreed?
- Agreed.

306
00:17:37.117 --> 00:17:38.345
Wise choice.

307
00:17:38.418 --> 00:17:40.477
You guys might have
wanted to stay away

308
00:17:40.554 --> 00:17:42.920
from our special sauce tonight.

309
00:17:42.989 --> 00:17:45.617
Me and Pookie,
we added a secret ingredient.

310
00:17:47.894 --> 00:17:49.885
I'll give you a hint.

311
00:17:51.932 --> 00:17:53.024
It's semen.

312
00:17:56.703 --> 00:17:57.795
Semen.

313
00:17:57.871 --> 00:17:59.202
Animal semen.

314
00:18:08.181 --> 00:18:11.480
Dude, remember when Goldstein
used to work at that burger place?

315
00:18:14.621 --> 00:18:17.055
This is the most fucking confusing
movie I've ever seen...

316
00:18:17.123 --> 00:18:18.715
she's possessed,
she's not possessed.

317
00:18:18.792 --> 00:18:20.555
Dude, that rack better be stacked.

318
00:18:20.627 --> 00:18:22.891
- Tits! Tits!
- Boobies, boobies, boobies.

319
00:18:22.963 --> 00:18:25.158
Holy shit! Whoa!

320
00:18:25.232 --> 00:18:26.529
Those aren't real.
Yes, they are.

321
00:18:26.866 --> 00:18:29.357
You know, I'm almost
completely sober right now.

322
00:18:29.436 --> 00:18:31.461
I wish we had some more weed.

323
00:18:31.538 --> 00:18:33.130
Sorry.

324
00:18:33.206 --> 00:18:35.504
Princeton.

325
00:18:35.575 --> 00:18:37.475
- We're getting off here.
- Why?

326
00:18:37.544 --> 00:18:40.240
Because we're gonna sweet-talk
Cindy Kim into finding us some weed.

327
00:18:40.313 --> 00:18:41.302
- No.
- Why not?

328
00:18:41.381 --> 00:18:42.939
You talk to her on the phone
all the time.

329
00:18:43.016 --> 00:18:44.574
She calls me.
Then she rambles on

330
00:18:44.651 --> 00:18:47.449
about her East Asian
Students Club or whatever.

331
00:18:47.520 --> 00:18:48.851
Then I have to actually pretend
that I give a shit

332
00:18:48.922 --> 00:18:50.253
or else she calls me a Twinkie.

333
00:18:50.323 --> 00:18:51.517
A what?

334
00:18:51.591 --> 00:18:54.253
Twinkie... yellow on the outside,
white on the inside.

335
00:18:54.828 --> 00:18:56.090
Look, you Twinkie bitch,

336
00:18:56.162 --> 00:18:58.323
you were the one that threw
our weed out the window, okay?

337
00:18:58.398 --> 00:18:59.422
So we're going to Princeton,

338
00:18:59.499 --> 00:19:01.057
and it's your responsibility
to make sure we're high as shit

339
00:19:01.134 --> 00:19:02.897
by the time
we're eating those burgers.

340
00:19:02.969 --> 00:19:05.767
Forget it.
End of discussion.

341
00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:08.433
I am not seeing Cindy Kim.

342
00:19:08.508 --> 00:19:10.271
Harold, I'm so glad
you showed up.

343
00:19:10.343 --> 00:19:12.607
Yeah, me too.

344
00:19:12.679 --> 00:19:15.842
Did you like the hibiscus petals
I glued to the envelope I sent you?

345
00:19:15.915 --> 00:19:18.543
Yeah, they were nice.

346
00:19:20.120 --> 00:19:22.247
Hey, dude, you know
where I can get some green?

347
00:19:25.091 --> 00:19:27.753
Dude, you know where
I can get some chronic?

348
00:19:27.827 --> 00:19:30.261
Jesus, what the hell kind of
lvy League school is this?

349
00:19:30.330 --> 00:19:31.661
Man.

350
00:19:31.731 --> 00:19:32.993
Over here, man.

351
00:19:34.134 --> 00:19:35.465
You lookin' to toke up?

352
00:19:35.535 --> 00:19:36.900
- Yes.
- Yes?

353
00:19:36.970 --> 00:19:39.666
Thank Christ. Just give me
a dime of your finest sticky.

354
00:19:39.739 --> 00:19:43.140
You wanna see
sticky-icky, my friend?

355
00:19:44.811 --> 00:19:45.903
Oh, my God!

356
00:19:45.979 --> 00:19:47.571
Whoa, man!

357
00:19:47.647 --> 00:19:49.581
Don't touch, man.
That's not cool.

358
00:19:49.649 --> 00:19:51.310
You can't...

359
00:19:51.384 --> 00:19:53.443
Jeez! This is my baby!

360
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:01.149
Yes?

361
00:20:01.227 --> 00:20:03.218
Kenneth Park,
class of 2004.

362
00:20:03.296 --> 00:20:04.285
- Hi.
- Hi.

363
00:20:04.364 --> 00:20:06.889
Is it true you're an analyst
for Brewster Keegan?

364
00:20:08.368 --> 00:20:09.767
Yes, I'm a junior analyst.

365
00:20:09.836 --> 00:20:11.303
Awesome!

366
00:20:13.306 --> 00:20:14.830
I told you, he's good.

367
00:20:18.978 --> 00:20:21.742
- Yes.
- This is actually a two-part question.

368
00:20:21.815 --> 00:20:24.147
I'm applying for a summer
internship at Brewster Keegan.

369
00:20:24.217 --> 00:20:27.516
I was wondering, a) what's it like
being an investment banker,

370
00:20:27.587 --> 00:20:30.215
and b) would you write me
a recommendation?

371
00:20:32.392 --> 00:20:34.656
Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks.

372
00:20:34.728 --> 00:20:36.127
- 80 bucks?
- Yeah, 80 bucks.

373
00:20:36.196 --> 00:20:38.664
Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro.

374
00:20:38.732 --> 00:20:40.632
"Bro"?
I'm not your bro, bro.

375
00:20:40.700 --> 00:20:42.167
Okay, and that's 80 bucks.

376
00:20:42.235 --> 00:20:43.793
You don't feel like
getting high tonight?

377
00:20:43.870 --> 00:20:46.668
If you don't feel like getting high,
that's cool with me,

378
00:20:46.740 --> 00:20:48.799
because there's lots of people
around here. See this guy?

379
00:20:48.875 --> 00:20:49.864
Hey, loser.

380
00:20:49.943 --> 00:20:52.468
Hey, what's up, George?
I smoke buds with George all the time.

381
00:20:52.545 --> 00:20:54.513
What kind of hippie are you?

382
00:20:54.581 --> 00:20:57.209
What kind of hippie am I?
Man, I'm a business hippie.

383
00:20:57.283 --> 00:20:59.547
I understand the concept
of supply and demand.

384
00:20:59.619 --> 00:21:02.349
"What's it like
being an investment banker?"

385
00:21:02.422 --> 00:21:06.085
To be honest with you,
it's actually pretty aw...

386
00:21:09.529 --> 00:21:11.224
...awesome.

387
00:21:11.297 --> 00:21:12.286
Excellent!

388
00:21:12.365 --> 00:21:15.994
As for the recommendation,
I guess I can make a couple calls.

389
00:21:16.069 --> 00:21:18.503
Actually, Harold, we should
be getting to the party.

390
00:21:18.571 --> 00:21:20.038
We can discuss all this stuff
on the way there.

391
00:21:20.106 --> 00:21:21.664
- It's just down the hall.
- Okay.

392
00:21:21.741 --> 00:21:25.700
I'm sorry. I can't go.
I have to wait for Kumar.

393
00:21:25.779 --> 00:21:27.269
You'll see him when we're done.

394
00:21:27.347 --> 00:21:29.508
Trust me,
you're gonna love this.

395
00:21:29.582 --> 00:21:32.278
Kenny's mom dropped off
a big pot of kimchi jigae.

396
00:21:32.352 --> 00:21:34.843
It's really good.
It's delicious.

397
00:21:34.921 --> 00:21:35.979
Yeah?

398
00:21:36.055 --> 00:21:37.682
That's nice.

399
00:21:38.191 --> 00:21:40.182
- 80 bucks, okay?
- Okay.

400
00:21:40.260 --> 00:21:43.320
- Hello.
- Are you guys about to smoke?

401
00:21:43.396 --> 00:21:46.331
Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you
wanna come back to my place?

402
00:21:46.399 --> 00:21:49.300
Please, like they want to go listen
to a bunch of Phish records

403
00:21:49.369 --> 00:21:51.564
while you read
your lame-ass poetry.

404
00:21:51.638 --> 00:21:53.196
Girls, you guys wanna hang out,

405
00:21:53.273 --> 00:21:55.366
maybe smoke a little weed
and have some fun?

406
00:21:55.442 --> 00:21:57.410
- All right.
- All right.

407
00:21:57.477 --> 00:21:59.342
My poetry's not lame.
It's really good.

408
00:21:59.412 --> 00:22:01.312
- Yeah, I'm sure.
- It's great.

409
00:22:01.381 --> 00:22:03.008
We're gonna eat before this gets cold.

410
00:22:03.082 --> 00:22:06.176
What you say we meet back
in our room in about 20 minutes?

411
00:22:06.252 --> 00:22:07.685
We're in room 109.

412
00:22:07.754 --> 00:22:11.190
109. Got it.
I'll see you ladies later, huh?

413
00:22:11.257 --> 00:22:12.554
Yes!

414
00:22:12.625 --> 00:22:16.789
109. We'll see
you ladies later. Yes!

415
00:22:17.330 --> 00:22:18.661
We're getting laid, bro.

416
00:22:22.202 --> 00:22:24.102
All right, I'll see you there, man.

417
00:22:25.371 --> 00:22:28.568
20... 20... 208?

418
00:22:28.641 --> 00:22:30.973
208. Yes! 208!

419
00:22:32.111 --> 00:22:34.102
Roldy, dude,
you gotta come quick.

420
00:22:34.180 --> 00:22:37.980
There's these two filthy pussies
just aching to get boned by us.

421
00:22:39.018 --> 00:22:42.317
I mean, there are these two
very lovely young pussies

422
00:22:42.388 --> 00:22:44.322
who would like to have
a chat with you and I.

423
00:22:44.390 --> 00:22:46.881
Sorry. Harold's coming with us.

424
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:49.087
That's bullshit. He's coming with me.
Isn't that right, Roldy?

425
00:22:50.196 --> 00:22:51.925
- Let's go to the party.
- No, no, no. Fuck that.

426
00:22:51.998 --> 00:22:55.161
Here. This is Harold's understudy.
You can do whatever you want.

427
00:22:55.235 --> 00:22:56.497
Roldy, let's go.

428
00:22:57.504 --> 00:22:58.732
Sorry.

429
00:22:58.805 --> 00:23:00.636
I can't believe you were gonna
ditch me for the Joy Luck Club.

430
00:23:00.707 --> 00:23:02.140
You know what their parties are like.

431
00:23:02.208 --> 00:23:04.506
What do you want me to say?
I was under pressure.

432
00:23:04.577 --> 00:23:06.602
Just say no.
That's all it takes. Here.

433
00:23:06.679 --> 00:23:07.941
All right, take a hit of that.

434
00:23:08.014 --> 00:23:09.311
What's going on up there?

435
00:23:09.382 --> 00:23:11.782
Barracuda to Sparrow,
Barracuda to Sparrow.

436
00:23:11.851 --> 00:23:14.342
We got two high-fliers
on level three.

437
00:23:18.491 --> 00:23:20.982
I just wanna talk!

438
00:23:23.763 --> 00:23:25.196
Dude, in here, in here.

439
00:23:25.265 --> 00:23:26.755
Women!

440
00:23:26.833 --> 00:23:28.664
What if someone
finds us in here?

441
00:23:28.735 --> 00:23:31.226
Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna
look for us in the girls' bathroom.

442
00:23:33.806 --> 00:23:35.171
Shit! Come here.

443
00:23:35.808 --> 00:23:38.572
It worked on me. There's no reason
it shouldn't work on you.

444
00:23:38.645 --> 00:23:41.170
But your breasts look beautiful.

445
00:23:41.247 --> 00:23:44.148
I just want those
cute little ping-pong breasts.

446
00:23:44.217 --> 00:23:46.151
You know, that kind of go...

447
00:23:47.954 --> 00:23:49.785
Hurry up because I want
to go smoke weed

448
00:23:49.856 --> 00:23:51.653
with that dishy Indian guy.

449
00:23:51.724 --> 00:23:53.589
It's gonna be a few minutes.

450
00:23:53.660 --> 00:23:57.152
I'm about to have
the worst case of taco shits.

451
00:23:57.230 --> 00:23:58.663
Oh, God.

452
00:24:05.071 --> 00:24:07.096
Great, I think I've got
to go, too.

453
00:24:24.924 --> 00:24:28.257
Hey, Clarissa, do you want
to play battle shits?

454
00:24:28.328 --> 00:24:30.694
- Oh, my God!
- Battle shits?

455
00:24:30.763 --> 00:24:33.755
We haven't played that
since back at camp.

456
00:24:33.833 --> 00:24:35.801
I know, I know.
Wait for it.

457
00:24:41.574 --> 00:24:42.871
Hit.

458
00:24:45.979 --> 00:24:48.277
Scag! You sank my destroyer!

459
00:24:57.290 --> 00:24:58.279
Fuck!

460
00:25:00.026 --> 00:25:02.290
I can't take it anymore!

461
00:25:05.598 --> 00:25:07.065
Christy, are you still there?

462
00:25:09.836 --> 00:25:13.135
Damn! You sank my battle shit!

463
00:25:13.206 --> 00:25:14.696
Shit.

464
00:25:18.177 --> 00:25:19.201
Dude!

465
00:25:21.114 --> 00:25:23.082
She said in 20-10?

466
00:25:23.149 --> 00:25:25.379
Have you seen
a Korean guy around here?

467
00:25:25.451 --> 00:25:28.318
Yeah, only when
I open my eyes, though.

468
00:25:29.389 --> 00:25:30.583
'Tard.

469
00:25:33.326 --> 00:25:35.351
20-11.

470
00:25:43.536 --> 00:25:44.969
Yo, this party's bumpin'!

471
00:25:45.038 --> 00:25:47.802
- Who wants some Buda?
- Yeah!

472
00:25:47.874 --> 00:25:51.435
Holy shit! Kenneth Park,
class of 2004.

473
00:25:51.511 --> 00:25:54.742
Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up
by not coming to this party.

474
00:25:54.814 --> 00:25:56.475
<i>I screwed up?</i>

475
00:25:56.549 --> 00:25:58.449
Can we have some pot brownies?

476
00:25:58.518 --> 00:26:00.611
I don't know.
I'm running a little low.

477
00:26:00.687 --> 00:26:02.052
A titty flash might persuade me.

478
00:26:02.121 --> 00:26:04.214
- Should we?
- I think you should.

479
00:26:04.290 --> 00:26:05.450
Okay.

480
00:26:08.027 --> 00:26:09.119
- Whoa.
- Whoa.

481
00:26:09.195 --> 00:26:10.355
Hey, you!

482
00:26:11.164 --> 00:26:12.222
Shit!

483
00:26:12.298 --> 00:26:14.163
Hey!

484
00:26:15.501 --> 00:26:17.332
- Hey!
- Let's get 'em! Halt!

485
00:26:17.403 --> 00:26:19.667
- Hey.
- Hey.

486
00:26:19.739 --> 00:26:21.900
- Harold! Harold!
- No, no, no.

487
00:26:22.942 --> 00:26:24.375
- Hey, dude!
- Come here!

488
00:26:26.879 --> 00:26:28.369
Well, well, well.

489
00:26:28.448 --> 00:26:30.245
- What do we have here?
- Oh, no! That's my baby!

490
00:26:30.316 --> 00:26:32.648
Hold his throat and groin.
Come on, rookie.

491
00:26:32.719 --> 00:26:34.311
Should we go back
for the weed?

492
00:26:34.387 --> 00:26:35.786
Are you crazy?
Run! Run!

493
00:26:38.057 --> 00:26:41.049
I can't believe it, man.
We were this close to getting laid.

494
00:26:41.127 --> 00:26:42.560
Oh, dude,
you always exaggerate.

495
00:26:42.628 --> 00:26:45.096
The diarrhea twins definitely
would have had sex with us.

496
00:26:45.164 --> 00:26:47.564
What about Cindy? She was
looking kinda cute tonight, man.

497
00:26:47.633 --> 00:26:49.863
Cindy's fine.
It's just...

498
00:26:49.936 --> 00:26:50.925
- Just what?
- We...

499
00:26:51.003 --> 00:26:52.630
Oh, you'd rather have Maria.

500
00:26:52.705 --> 00:26:53.694
Look, it doesn't matter.

501
00:26:53.773 --> 00:26:56.037
I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim
whether I like it or not.

502
00:26:56.109 --> 00:26:59.203
Can we just drop this and get
our asses to White Castle, man?

503
00:26:59.278 --> 00:27:01.405
Fine.
Maria.

504
00:27:04.517 --> 00:27:05.711
What are you doing?

505
00:27:05.785 --> 00:27:07.844
Daddy needs to urinate.

506
00:27:08.788 --> 00:27:09.880
Hurry up!

507
00:27:11.791 --> 00:27:13.418
I'm serious.
Don't take all night.

508
00:27:13.493 --> 00:27:14.926
All right.

509
00:27:56.302 --> 00:27:58.770
- Excuse me, I have to...
- Huh?

510
00:27:58.838 --> 00:28:02.831
I have to ask you.
Why are you peeing right here?

511
00:28:02.909 --> 00:28:04.103
What?

512
00:28:04.177 --> 00:28:06.839
I mean, why'd you pee
right next to me

513
00:28:06.913 --> 00:28:09.177
when you could choose
that bush or...

514
00:28:09.248 --> 00:28:11.216
This is a good bush to pee on.

515
00:28:12.218 --> 00:28:14.743
Why are you peeing on it?

516
00:28:14.821 --> 00:28:16.948
Well, no one was here
when I chose this bush.

517
00:28:17.023 --> 00:28:18.149
Oh.

518
00:28:18.224 --> 00:28:21.091
So you get to pee on it
and no one else does? Huh?

519
00:28:21.160 --> 00:28:23.492
- No, I just...
- This your bush?

520
00:28:23.563 --> 00:28:26.031
You have a special bond
with this bush?

521
00:28:26.098 --> 00:28:29.033
- No, I just thought that...
- You the king of the forest?

522
00:28:29.101 --> 00:28:30.329
- I'm sorry?
- What?

523
00:28:30.403 --> 00:28:34.100
Are you a fuckin' tree-hugger?
Is this your special bush?!

524
00:28:34.173 --> 00:28:36.698
Never mind. Forget it. I really
don't feel like getting stabbed tonight.

525
00:28:42.248 --> 00:28:43.476
Nice pubes.

526
00:28:47.220 --> 00:28:48.209
Thanks.

527
00:29:11.544 --> 00:29:13.535
Do you even know
where you're going?

528
00:29:13.613 --> 00:29:15.706
I'm gonna be honest,
I'm a little lost, but, you know,

529
00:29:15.781 --> 00:29:17.874
once we get back on the highway,
we'll be there soon, don't worry.

530
00:29:17.950 --> 00:29:19.281
We'd better.

531
00:29:20.386 --> 00:29:22.581
Shit. Now it's raining.

532
00:29:23.422 --> 00:29:24.719
Put on your wipers.

533
00:29:24.790 --> 00:29:26.348
What are you talking about?
It's just a little mist.

534
00:29:26.425 --> 00:29:28.689
Yeah, mist,
hence the mist setting.

535
00:29:28.761 --> 00:29:31.389
It's a safety issue, okay?
There we go.

536
00:29:31.464 --> 00:29:34.729
Thank you, Mr. Wizard.
What crawled up your ass?

537
00:29:34.800 --> 00:29:37.200
I'm completely on edge
right now, man.

538
00:29:37.270 --> 00:29:38.862
After all the shit that
we've been through tonight,

539
00:29:38.938 --> 00:29:40.929
I don't know
how much more I can take.

540
00:29:41.607 --> 00:29:43.939
Oh, shit! How the fuck
did that get in here?

541
00:29:44.010 --> 00:29:45.102
Oh, shit!

542
00:29:48.814 --> 00:29:51.544
He bit me!
I've got rabies!

543
00:29:53.152 --> 00:29:54.141
Oh, my God!

544
00:29:54.220 --> 00:29:56.381
Dude, get that fuckin'
cancer raccoon away from me!

545
00:29:56.455 --> 00:29:57.922
Open my window!

546
00:29:57.990 --> 00:30:00.584
Fuck you, raccoon!

547
00:30:03.029 --> 00:30:04.621
What the Christ?

548
00:30:05.364 --> 00:30:08.390
- Shit!
- Shit!

549
00:30:11.938 --> 00:30:13.769
Jesus! You all right?

550
00:30:13.839 --> 00:30:16.000
I don't know.

551
00:30:16.776 --> 00:30:18.175
Shit.

552
00:30:18.711 --> 00:30:20.269
Shit, dude,
he's coming over here.

553
00:30:21.380 --> 00:30:23.143
Probably some old blind bitch!

554
00:30:23.215 --> 00:30:27.117
- What the fuck are you doing?
- We're sorry. We're very sorry!

555
00:30:27.186 --> 00:30:29.916
- Holy shit!
- Goldstein?

556
00:30:29.989 --> 00:30:31.957
Dude, it's Rold and Kumar.

557
00:30:32.024 --> 00:30:34.584
Shit. What's going on, man?

558
00:30:34.660 --> 00:30:37.254
- What's up, dude? What's up?
- All right.

559
00:30:37.330 --> 00:30:38.729
What the hell
are you guys doing here?

560
00:30:38.798 --> 00:30:41.824
We got the munchies, so we
decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven.

561
00:30:41.901 --> 00:30:43.801
How about you?
How was White Castle?

562
00:30:43.869 --> 00:30:46.497
We haven't gotten there yet.
I think I may have rabies.

563
00:30:46.572 --> 00:30:48.506
Yo, dude, how were
Katie Holmes' tits?

564
00:30:48.574 --> 00:30:50.565
- You know the Holocaust?
- Yeah.

565
00:30:50.643 --> 00:30:52.577
Picture the exact
opposite of that.

566
00:30:52.645 --> 00:30:54.306
Nice.

567
00:30:55.247 --> 00:30:56.544
Boy, do you need a girl.

568
00:30:56.615 --> 00:30:58.276
If you guys
got the yellow fever,

569
00:30:58.351 --> 00:31:00.216
there's a rockin' Asian party
down at Princeton.

570
00:31:00.286 --> 00:31:01.651
Dude, I got the yellow plague.

571
00:31:01.721 --> 00:31:04.588
There's nothing sexier
than a hot Asian chick!

572
00:31:04.657 --> 00:31:06.318
Asian tits...
I wanna squeeze 'em!

573
00:31:06.392 --> 00:31:08.826
Stop. Don't do that.
Please, do not touch me.

574
00:31:08.894 --> 00:31:10.020
I'm very woozy.

575
00:31:10.096 --> 00:31:12.087
I think I have to go
to the hospital.

576
00:31:12.164 --> 00:31:14.155
You should go
to Beth Israel.

577
00:31:14.233 --> 00:31:16.565
- We gotta hit up this Asian joint.
- No, we don't.

578
00:31:16.635 --> 00:31:19.968
We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven.
No more detours along the way.

579
00:31:20.039 --> 00:31:21.836
- This is what I'm dealing with.
- Come on!

580
00:31:21.907 --> 00:31:23.204
I'm telling you,
hit up the Asian party.

581
00:31:23.275 --> 00:31:25.106
Did you leave the key in the car
with the engine running?

582
00:31:25.177 --> 00:31:26.269
Good luck.

583
00:31:26.345 --> 00:31:29.542
You don't have rabies. We're not
going to a hospital. You're fine.

584
00:31:40.226 --> 00:31:43.195
Uh... Yeah, I don't have rabies.

585
00:31:43.262 --> 00:31:45.890
Great. Let's just
get out of here.

586
00:31:46.866 --> 00:31:50.393
Hey, aren't those the guys
that got the shit kicked...

587
00:31:50.469 --> 00:31:53.233
I know. I know.
Let's just go.

588
00:31:54.940 --> 00:31:56.498
Just go.

589
00:31:57.176 --> 00:31:58.438
Kumar.

590
00:32:00.346 --> 00:32:02.507
- Hey, it's your dad and brother.
- Shit.

591
00:32:03.716 --> 00:32:06.378
No wonder you didn't want
to go to the hospital.

592
00:32:06.452 --> 00:32:07.976
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Dr. Patel.

593
00:32:08.054 --> 00:32:10.022
- What's up?
- Saikat. What's going on?

594
00:32:10.089 --> 00:32:13.354
I hope you are here to apologize for
what you did in your interview today.

595
00:32:13.426 --> 00:32:15.018
What the hell's
wrong with you, Kumar?

596
00:32:15.094 --> 00:32:17.426
God! You're 22 years old.
When are you gonna grow up

597
00:32:17.496 --> 00:32:20.488
and stop this
post-college rebel bullshit?

598
00:32:20.566 --> 00:32:23.399
- Like your life is so hard.
- Eat my balls, Saikat.

599
00:32:23.469 --> 00:32:26.233
I will not tolerate this
business from you any longer.

600
00:32:26.305 --> 00:32:29.035
You have one more
interview tomorrow morning,

601
00:32:29.108 --> 00:32:33.772
and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you
were anything short of spectacular,

602
00:32:33.846 --> 00:32:35.643
I'll completely cut you off.

603
00:32:35.714 --> 00:32:37.773
- Dad, come on.
- Daddy is not coming on anything.

604
00:32:39.952 --> 00:32:42.580
You will be there,
and you will behave.

605
00:32:42.655 --> 00:32:46.056
I have put too much time
and energy into you

606
00:32:46.125 --> 00:32:48.889
to let you go
and fuck it all up!

607
00:32:56.469 --> 00:32:59.165
You're absolutely right.
I'm sorry, guys.

608
00:32:59.238 --> 00:33:00.569
Wow, I'm sorry.

609
00:33:02.374 --> 00:33:04.740
Sorry.
It won't happen again, okay?

610
00:33:06.345 --> 00:33:07.835
Good.

611
00:33:07.913 --> 00:33:09.608
I will speak with you tomorrow.

612
00:33:09.682 --> 00:33:12.048
- Bye, Harold.
- Bye.

613
00:33:12.118 --> 00:33:13.380
See ya.

614
00:33:13.452 --> 00:33:14.749
Wow, man.

615
00:33:14.820 --> 00:33:16.981
I guess you're going
to med school after all, eh?

616
00:33:17.056 --> 00:33:20.116
Fuck that, dude.
Like I care what my dad thinks.

617
00:33:20.192 --> 00:33:21.454
I can't wait to see
the look on his face

618
00:33:21.527 --> 00:33:22.960
when he finds out I didn't go
to my interview tomorrow.

619
00:33:23.028 --> 00:33:25.428
If he wants to cut me off, fine.
I don't need his money.

620
00:33:25.498 --> 00:33:28.262
I don't understand.
You just hugged him.

621
00:33:28.334 --> 00:33:31.735
Yeah, I just needed to get
my hands on this.

622
00:33:31.804 --> 00:33:32.964
Access card.

623
00:33:33.038 --> 00:33:36.098
Two words for you, bro...
medical marijuana.

624
00:33:37.176 --> 00:33:38.200
No.

625
00:33:39.445 --> 00:33:41.709
Oh, this is stolen.

626
00:33:43.149 --> 00:33:45.140
If we get caught,
you are taking the blame.

627
00:33:45.217 --> 00:33:46.616
This is not my idea.

628
00:33:46.685 --> 00:33:48.880
We're not gonna get caught, okay?
We're gonna go get baked

629
00:33:48.954 --> 00:33:51.514
and then go eat just like we planned.
Now, just calm down.

630
00:33:51.590 --> 00:33:53.854
- We gotta find the pharmacy.
- Dr. Patel!

631
00:33:53.926 --> 00:33:55.791
Thank God I found you.
We have an emergency.

632
00:33:55.861 --> 00:33:58.455
Nurses, I need these two doctors
scrubbed, gloved,

633
00:33:58.531 --> 00:34:00.590
and ready for the O.R. Stat!

634
00:34:00.766 --> 00:34:03.234
- What the hell is going on?
- He probably thinks I'm my brother.

635
00:34:03.302 --> 00:34:05.634
Just don't worry about it.
Leave the talking to me.

636
00:34:05.704 --> 00:34:08.002
It's a godforsaken bloodbath.

637
00:34:08.073 --> 00:34:10.701
The patient was brought in
by EMS five minutes ago.

638
00:34:10.776 --> 00:34:13.074
As you can see, we have
three horrific gunshot wounds.

639
00:34:13.145 --> 00:34:14.134
It's a good thing
I found you two.

640
00:34:14.213 --> 00:34:15.874
All the other surgeons
are working on other patients.

641
00:34:15.948 --> 00:34:17.540
No, there's been a mistake.

642
00:34:17.616 --> 00:34:20.608
What Dr. Lee is trying to say
is that we need to sedate the patient...

643
00:34:20.686 --> 00:34:23.211
...or he could go into cardiac arrest.
- All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist.

644
00:34:23.289 --> 00:34:25.621
Hang on a second, nurse. What we
should probably use is marijuana.

645
00:34:25.691 --> 00:34:27.818
That'll sufficiently
sedate the patient for surgery.

646
00:34:33.866 --> 00:34:35.493
Marijuana?

647
00:34:36.368 --> 00:34:37.357
But why?

648
00:34:37.436 --> 00:34:38.926
We don't have time for questions.

649
00:34:39.004 --> 00:34:41.734
We need marijuana now,
as much of it as possible!

650
00:34:41.807 --> 00:34:43.240
Like a big bag of it.

651
00:34:43.309 --> 00:34:47.075
But, Doctor, we don't have
marijuana in this hospital.

652
00:34:47.146 --> 00:34:48.909
Shit.

653
00:34:48.981 --> 00:34:52.007
Oh, shit!
This guy's gonna die!

654
00:34:52.084 --> 00:34:54.552
Doctor, you've got to do something
or we're gonna lose him!

655
00:34:54.620 --> 00:34:56.087
I'm gonna do this
the old-fashioned way.

656
00:34:56.155 --> 00:34:58.385
Start the nitrous.
Give me two large-bore I.V. S

657
00:34:58.457 --> 00:35:00.322
and start a Ringers lactate push.

658
00:35:00.392 --> 00:35:01.416
Dr. Roldy, hold this.

659
00:35:07.499 --> 00:35:08.727
More gauze, please.

660
00:35:08.801 --> 00:35:12.168
- Doctor, the patient is desatting.
- Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting!

661
00:35:12.238 --> 00:35:15.036
The patient has a collapsed lung.
I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat.

662
00:35:21.947 --> 00:35:24.347
- That was genius.
- Thank you.

663
00:35:24.416 --> 00:35:26.213
- Great job!
- You guys did it.

664
00:35:26.285 --> 00:35:27.343
No, it's you.

665
00:35:28.854 --> 00:35:31.152
- Sexy.
- What'd you say?

666
00:35:31.223 --> 00:35:32.383
Nothing.

667
00:35:32.458 --> 00:35:33.550
Sweet-pea.

668
00:35:35.527 --> 00:35:37.620
The patient appears
to be stabilized.

669
00:35:37.696 --> 00:35:40.392
- Good work, doctors, all around.
- Great. One of you clean this up, please.

670
00:35:40.466 --> 00:35:42.730
- Put the chest tube in.
- Meow. You're moist.

671
00:35:42.801 --> 00:35:45.099
- I'm not sweating anymore.
- You're glistening.

672
00:35:45.170 --> 00:35:47.968
Soft and chocolate lips...

673
00:35:48.040 --> 00:35:51.806
- Could I get a little dab here?
- Hush now, hush now.

674
00:35:51.877 --> 00:35:54.311
Excuse me, sir.
Do you happen to know

675
00:35:54.380 --> 00:35:56.439
how to get to the White Castle
in Cherry Hill from here?

676
00:35:56.515 --> 00:36:01.316
Yeah. Take the 33 west
and take the Turnpike south,

677
00:36:01.387 --> 00:36:02.684
and there you are.

678
00:36:03.022 --> 00:36:04.922
I'm telling you, man,
that was amazing!

679
00:36:04.990 --> 00:36:06.685
Even your dad would
have been impressed, man.

680
00:36:06.759 --> 00:36:08.386
Yeah, it wasn't that bad.

681
00:36:08.460 --> 00:36:12.829
This is perfect. We're back on the road,
we got directions, it stopped raining.

682
00:36:12.898 --> 00:36:14.092
And guess what, man.

683
00:36:14.166 --> 00:36:17.897
- I'm officially done with my work.
- Oh, yeah? Nice!

684
00:36:17.970 --> 00:36:20.632
I'm telling you, dude,
things are finally starting to go our way.

685
00:36:22.508 --> 00:36:24.271
<i>Hey, dude, check it out...
Sixteen Candles.</i>

686
00:36:24.343 --> 00:36:25.901
Isn't that your favorite movie?

687
00:36:25.978 --> 00:36:27.104
Wow, man, that's awesome!

688
00:36:29.014 --> 00:36:31.505
Yo, look who decided
to go see it.

689
00:36:31.583 --> 00:36:32.777
Holy shit.

690
00:36:32.851 --> 00:36:35.285
See! You said you two
had nothing in common,

691
00:36:35.354 --> 00:36:37.447
but you both have the same
lame taste in movies!

692
00:36:37.523 --> 00:36:38.922
Shut up.

693
00:36:38.991 --> 00:36:40.788
Hey, we should ask her if she
wants to come to White Castle.

694
00:36:40.859 --> 00:36:43.487
No. No, no.
Forget about it. Just drive.

695
00:36:43.562 --> 00:36:45.325
Dude, come on.
It's 1:00 in the morning.

696
00:36:45.397 --> 00:36:47.058
We're an hour away from home,

697
00:36:47.132 --> 00:36:50.192
and who do we see but your dream girl
standing across the street?

698
00:36:50.269 --> 00:36:53.136
Just pretend you're a nerdy
Asian version of Tom Hanks

699
00:36:53.205 --> 00:36:55.901
and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan
with bigger tits.

700
00:36:56.942 --> 00:36:58.876
The cars are going.
Can we go? How about that?

701
00:36:58.944 --> 00:37:01.174
- What are you doing?
- Excuse me, Maria!

702
00:37:01.246 --> 00:37:04.044
- What are you doing?
- Maria! Excuse me for a second!

703
00:37:04.116 --> 00:37:05.640
Come here!

704
00:37:06.051 --> 00:37:07.712
No! What the hell
are you doing?

705
00:37:07.786 --> 00:37:09.777
Get your hand off the gas!
Shit!

706
00:37:09.855 --> 00:37:11.789
- I'm stuck!
- Stop turning the wheel!

707
00:37:11.857 --> 00:37:13.950
- I am stuck!
- What do you mean you're stuck?

708
00:37:14.026 --> 00:37:15.084
Get unstuck!

709
00:37:26.872 --> 00:37:28.897
- You asshole!
- Wha... wha...?

710
00:37:28.974 --> 00:37:31.568
We could have seriously
injured ourselves, man!

711
00:37:31.643 --> 00:37:33.110
Yo, don't blame me, genius.

712
00:37:33.178 --> 00:37:35.669
I'm not the one who decided
to run us off the frickin' road, all right?

713
00:37:35.748 --> 00:37:37.511
Let's just get
back on the highway, okay?

714
00:37:37.583 --> 00:37:38.914
Fine with me.

715
00:37:46.458 --> 00:37:48.016
It's not funny.

716
00:37:57.569 --> 00:38:00.504
- Where's my spare tire?
- I don't know.

717
00:38:01.807 --> 00:38:03.775
Where the hell
is my spare tire?

718
00:38:03.842 --> 00:38:05.537
Oh, yeah!

719
00:38:05.611 --> 00:38:09.138
Dude, remember that time
we got really stoned

720
00:38:09.214 --> 00:38:12.911
and started throwing shit off
that bridge to see if it would float?

721
00:38:14.353 --> 00:38:16.685
What bridge? I don't remem...
What are you talking about?

722
00:38:16.755 --> 00:38:19.053
Oh, shit, that's right.
That was with Goldstein.

723
00:38:20.893 --> 00:38:22.884
We borrowed your car
that night. My bad.

724
00:38:22.961 --> 00:38:26.294
Your bad? What the hell
are we gonna do now?

725
00:38:29.968 --> 00:38:31.936
- Hey!
- Hey! Excuse me!

726
00:38:32.004 --> 00:38:34.438
- Hello! Over here!
- Excuse me!

727
00:38:44.716 --> 00:38:46.946
You boys need some help?

728
00:38:53.859 --> 00:38:56.259
Thanks for helping us out.

729
00:38:59.531 --> 00:39:00.964
No problem at all.

730
00:39:01.033 --> 00:39:05.129
I seen you two stranded
out there alone in the dark,

731
00:39:05.204 --> 00:39:08.435
and I said to myself...

732
00:39:08.507 --> 00:39:10.168
"What would Jesus do?"

733
00:39:10.242 --> 00:39:11.903
Goin' down to Georgia

734
00:39:11.977 --> 00:39:15.469
Gonna get myself baptized,
gonna get myself baptized

735
00:39:15.547 --> 00:39:18.345
In the bosom of the Lord

736
00:39:22.654 --> 00:39:25.646
Have you boys accepted Jesus
as your Lord and Savior?

737
00:39:25.724 --> 00:39:27.851
- Yes.
- Yeah, he's great. Cool guy.

738
00:39:27.926 --> 00:39:30.520
Praise the Lord
and pass the ammunition!

739
00:39:30.596 --> 00:39:34.327
Name's Randy,
but everybody calls me Freakshow.

740
00:39:34.399 --> 00:39:35.991
My name's Kumar.

741
00:39:36.068 --> 00:39:38.002
How are you, Kunie?

742
00:39:39.705 --> 00:39:41.730
- This is Harold.
- Hi, Jerald. How are you?

743
00:39:42.808 --> 00:39:45.174
So where exactly
are we going?

744
00:39:45.244 --> 00:39:48.338
Don't you worry about that none.
We ain't too far from my place.

745
00:39:48.413 --> 00:39:52.110
Once we get there, I'll have
your ride fixed up in a jiffy.

746
00:39:59.558 --> 00:40:01.856
Check out those boils
on his neck.

747
00:40:01.927 --> 00:40:03.986
You gotta look.
One of them's actually pulsating.

748
00:40:04.796 --> 00:40:08.857
Shut up. He's right next to me.
He can hear you.

749
00:40:08.934 --> 00:40:10.663
Now there's some sort of puss.

750
00:40:10.736 --> 00:40:12.033
- It's disgusting!
- Shut up.

751
00:40:12.104 --> 00:40:14.868
Just one little boil.
Just look at it.

752
00:40:23.215 --> 00:40:25.877
See, isn't that the most disgusting
thing you've ever seen?

753
00:40:25.951 --> 00:40:28.112
Do you think just
because you're whispering,

754
00:40:28.186 --> 00:40:31.178
he can't hear
what you're saying?

755
00:40:31.256 --> 00:40:34.157
He's two feet away from us.
He can hear this entire conversation.

756
00:40:34.226 --> 00:40:36.421
He can hear me
talking right now.

757
00:40:36.495 --> 00:40:38.156
Don't worry about it.
He can't hear anything...

758
00:40:38.230 --> 00:40:40.255
not with all that crust in his ear.

759
00:40:49.041 --> 00:40:51.100
I heard everything you said.

760
00:40:59.751 --> 00:41:02.311
It's gonna take me a while
to fix up your car there,

761
00:41:02.387 --> 00:41:06.585
so if you boys like,
you can go on inside,

762
00:41:06.658 --> 00:41:08.956
get yourselves something
to drink, wash up,

763
00:41:09.027 --> 00:41:11.552
fuck my wife, watch TV...
anything you want.

764
00:41:11.630 --> 00:41:15.157
<i>Mi casa es su casa.</i>

765
00:41:15.233 --> 00:41:18.669
Just don't do anything
the Good Lord wouldn't do.

766
00:41:19.771 --> 00:41:20.760
Thank you.

767
00:41:22.341 --> 00:41:24.536
We're gonna die.
He's going to kill us.

768
00:41:24.610 --> 00:41:25.975
We're gonna die.

769
00:41:26.044 --> 00:41:29.207
Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say
we get to fuck his wife?

770
00:41:29.281 --> 00:41:31.044
He couldn't have said that.

771
00:41:33.352 --> 00:41:35.286
Who cares?
You've seen Freakshow.

772
00:41:35.354 --> 00:41:37.254
What do you think his wife
is gonna look like?

773
00:41:50.836 --> 00:41:52.599
Oh, hi, boys.

774
00:41:52.671 --> 00:41:55.196
I'm Freakshow's wife Liane.

775
00:41:55.907 --> 00:41:57.898
Can I get you some pink lemonade?

776
00:41:57.976 --> 00:42:01.070
Why don't you just go
have a seat in the living room?

777
00:42:01.146 --> 00:42:02.670
I'll be back in a jiffy.

778
00:42:02.748 --> 00:42:04.113
Thanks.

779
00:42:07.653 --> 00:42:10.622
- Hot. Hot!
- Uh-huh.

780
00:42:19.064 --> 00:42:20.759
Jesus Christ.

781
00:42:25.904 --> 00:42:29.431
Okay, it's official.
We've entered the Twilight Zone.

782
00:42:29.508 --> 00:42:32.534
- Dude, Liane is fucking hot.
- She's not ugly.

783
00:42:34.513 --> 00:42:35.946
Here you go, boys.

784
00:42:36.014 --> 00:42:37.208
- Thank you.
- Thanks a lot.

785
00:42:37.282 --> 00:42:40.308
Liane, how are things between you
and Freakshow presently?

786
00:42:40.385 --> 00:42:43.684
Oh! They've never been better.
We love each other so much.

787
00:42:43.755 --> 00:42:48.658
I was just wondering,
how does a guy like Freakshow...

788
00:42:52.731 --> 00:42:55.996
...end up with a girl like you?

789
00:42:56.068 --> 00:43:00.164
Well, we met at choir practice
about four years ago.

790
00:43:00.238 --> 00:43:02.206
Freakshow was really shy
back then, you know,

791
00:43:02.274 --> 00:43:04.333
'cause of all his hideous boils
on his face and neck.

792
00:43:04.409 --> 00:43:05.671
Sure, sure.

793
00:43:05.744 --> 00:43:08.304
But he had
the most amazing voice,

794
00:43:08.380 --> 00:43:10.177
like a baby canary.

795
00:43:11.283 --> 00:43:13.342
The devil is everywhere

796
00:43:13.418 --> 00:43:16.285
Hey, Randy, what,
the devil, huh

797
00:43:16.354 --> 00:43:18.151
The devil is everywhere

798
00:43:18.223 --> 00:43:20.088
Hey, Randy, what

799
00:43:20.158 --> 00:43:23.355
After Easter service one day,
I told him how much I loved his solo

800
00:43:23.428 --> 00:43:25.362
and he finally mustered up
the courage to ask me out.

801
00:43:25.430 --> 00:43:27.523
We've been in love ever since.

802
00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:30.397
So, are you boys gonna
fuck me now or what?

803
00:43:32.838 --> 00:43:35.033
Rock, paper, scissors
to see who goes first. Ready?

804
00:43:35.107 --> 00:43:36.938
- Rock, paper...
- Wait a second.

805
00:43:37.008 --> 00:43:38.737
What about Freakshow?

806
00:43:38.810 --> 00:43:42.405
What? You assume we don't
know how to have a good time?

807
00:43:42.481 --> 00:43:44.073
I just...

808
00:43:53.125 --> 00:43:54.922
Never mind.
Rock, paper, scissors.

809
00:43:54.993 --> 00:43:59.020
Sorry, but if you boys want me,
you have to do me at the same time.

810
00:43:59.097 --> 00:44:02.089
- Huh?
- Come on, give me the double stuff.

811
00:44:02.167 --> 00:44:04.067
I'm not sure
we quite understand, Liane.

812
00:44:04.136 --> 00:44:07.537
I want you both
inside me simultaneously.

813
00:44:07.606 --> 00:44:09.597
- One hole or two?
- Whatever you want.

814
00:44:09.674 --> 00:44:12.234
Sorry. No, thank you.
No, thank you.

815
00:44:12.310 --> 00:44:14.278
Dude, if it's two holes,
it might not be that bad.

816
00:44:14.346 --> 00:44:16.075
- Shotgun anus.
- Forget it!

817
00:44:16.148 --> 00:44:18.048
I don't want our balls
rubbing against each other.

818
00:44:18.116 --> 00:44:19.981
- What, are you kidding?
- No way! Forget it.

819
00:44:20.051 --> 00:44:21.780
How about blow jobs?
Can we have blow jobs?

820
00:44:27.125 --> 00:44:28.752
Well, okay.

821
00:44:31.696 --> 00:44:32.822
Come here.

822
00:44:32.898 --> 00:44:35.594
Okay. I'm going up there.

823
00:44:35.667 --> 00:44:36.964
I wanna come, too.

824
00:44:37.035 --> 00:44:40.596
- Think you could help me with this?
- You need help?

825
00:44:41.907 --> 00:44:44.808
Okay, yeah.
It's a little sticky there.

826
00:44:44.876 --> 00:44:46.969
- You can do it.
- Okay.

827
00:44:47.045 --> 00:44:48.842
I can do it.
I can do it.

828
00:45:02.994 --> 00:45:04.928
Do you wanna play with them?

829
00:45:04.996 --> 00:45:05.985
Play with them.

830
00:45:07.566 --> 00:45:10.126
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Okay.

831
00:45:10.202 --> 00:45:12.067
Let's do that.

832
00:45:14.105 --> 00:45:17.131
Well, boys, I fixed your tire.

833
00:45:20.278 --> 00:45:21.643
Hi, honey!

834
00:45:21.713 --> 00:45:25.149
What in the hell
are you doing with my wife?

835
00:45:26.117 --> 00:45:29.211
You said outside that
we could have sex with her.

836
00:45:29.287 --> 00:45:30.549
Shit! Shit!

837
00:45:30.622 --> 00:45:33.523
- I most certainly did not.
- Yeah, you did.

838
00:45:33.592 --> 00:45:34.991
- I did not!
- You did.

839
00:45:35.060 --> 00:45:37.085
- Oh, no, I didn't!
- You did, you did.

840
00:45:38.797 --> 00:45:41.231
- You sure?
- You said it.

841
00:45:45.737 --> 00:45:46.726
My mistake!

842
00:45:46.805 --> 00:45:48.329
Freakshow.

843
00:45:48.406 --> 00:45:51.500
Well, since we're all here...

844
00:45:52.344 --> 00:45:54.335
...how about a foursome?

845
00:45:54.412 --> 00:45:56.346
Who wants the first reach-around?

846
00:46:04.890 --> 00:46:07.358
Okay, let's agree to never talk
about what just happened.

847
00:46:07.425 --> 00:46:08.517
Agreed.

848
00:46:08.593 --> 00:46:11.528
That's a very good idea.

849
00:46:11.596 --> 00:46:13.359
Dude, I have no idea
where we are.

850
00:46:13.431 --> 00:46:14.728
What?

851
00:46:16.301 --> 00:46:17.734
- Is that a hitchhiker?
- What the hell?

852
00:46:17.802 --> 00:46:20.202
- Should we pick him up?
- And get chopped to bits? Are you crazy?

853
00:46:20.272 --> 00:46:22.604
You know what? We're lost. He may
know how to get back on the highway.

854
00:46:22.674 --> 00:46:25.165
Get back on the road.
This is my car.

855
00:46:25.243 --> 00:46:26.904
We are not picking up
a hitchhiker, man.

856
00:46:26.978 --> 00:46:29.708
Hey, guys, thanks
for picking me up.

857
00:46:33.618 --> 00:46:36.280
Excuse me,
are you Neil Patrick Harris?

858
00:46:36.354 --> 00:46:37.343
Yep.

859
00:46:37.422 --> 00:46:39.447
- Oh, my God, what are you doing here?
- Holy shit.

860
00:46:39.524 --> 00:46:41.458
<i>Dude, Doogie Howser M. D. Was,
like, my favorite show growing up.</i>

861
00:46:41.526 --> 00:46:42.515
You were my idol.

862
00:46:42.594 --> 00:46:44.824
That's great. Could we get going?
I'm bored as shit back here.

863
00:46:45.497 --> 00:46:48.125
- Go, go.
- Let's go. This is a frickin' boring spot.

864
00:46:55.573 --> 00:46:58.269
So I gotta ask you, Neil,

865
00:46:58.343 --> 00:47:00.538
did you ever get it on
with Wanda off the set?

866
00:47:00.612 --> 00:47:03.206
Dude, I humped every piece
of ass ever on that show.

867
00:47:03.281 --> 00:47:04.976
Even the chick
who played the hot nurse?

868
00:47:06.051 --> 00:47:09.953
No. I didn't go
all the way with her.

869
00:47:13.325 --> 00:47:14.485
Neil, you wouldn't happen to know

870
00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:15.890
how to get on the highway
from here, would you?

871
00:47:15.961 --> 00:47:18.088
Dude, I don't even know
where the fuck I am right now.

872
00:47:18.163 --> 00:47:19.425
I was at this party earlier tonight

873
00:47:19.497 --> 00:47:22.227
and some guy hooked me up
with this incredible X.

874
00:47:22.300 --> 00:47:24.894
The next thing I know, I'm being
thrown out of a moving car.

875
00:47:24.970 --> 00:47:28.337
- I've been tripping balls ever since.
- That's crazy, dude.

876
00:47:28.406 --> 00:47:29.839
We've been having
a pretty crazy night, too.

877
00:47:29.908 --> 00:47:31.671
We've just been driving around
looking for White Castle,

878
00:47:31.743 --> 00:47:33.108
but we keep getting sidetracked.

879
00:47:33.178 --> 00:47:34.236
Yeah, dude, you fascinate me.

880
00:47:34.312 --> 00:47:36.280
Forget White Castle.
Let's go get some pussy.

881
00:47:36.348 --> 00:47:38.646
- Huh?
- It's a fuckin' sausage-fest in here.

882
00:47:38.717 --> 00:47:41.117
Let's get us some poontang.
Then we'll go to White Castle.

883
00:47:41.186 --> 00:47:42.244
No, Neil, you don't understand.

884
00:47:42.320 --> 00:47:44.254
We've been craving
these burgers all night.

885
00:47:44.322 --> 00:47:46.654
Yeah, I've been craving
burgers, too... fur burgers.

886
00:47:46.725 --> 00:47:49.785
Come on, dudes, let's pick up
some trim at a strip club.

887
00:47:49.861 --> 00:47:52.295
The Doogie line
always works on strippers.

888
00:47:52.364 --> 00:47:55.128
Lap dance.

889
00:47:55.900 --> 00:47:58.801
There's a gas station.
I'm gonna see if we can get directions.

890
00:47:58.870 --> 00:48:00.838
We don't need...

891
00:48:02.841 --> 00:48:06.470
Hurry up, dudes, hurry up.
I'm losing wood.

892
00:48:10.281 --> 00:48:13.114
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
hurry, hurry, hurry.

893
00:48:13.184 --> 00:48:15.152
- Chill.
- We'll be right back, Neil.

894
00:48:15.220 --> 00:48:16.517
We'll be back.

895
00:48:22.627 --> 00:48:25.755
What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris?
Why is he so horny?

896
00:48:25.830 --> 00:48:28.958
I don't know, but we can't
let him interfere with our quest.

897
00:48:30.468 --> 00:48:33.699
- Oh, God.
- Shit, these punks again.

898
00:48:33.772 --> 00:48:35.399
Late-night Math League
meeting, homos?

899
00:48:35.473 --> 00:48:37.168
Extreme!

900
00:48:40.378 --> 00:48:41.640
Let's go.

901
00:48:51.456 --> 00:48:54.448
No, no.
Pies, pies... no.

902
00:49:00.698 --> 00:49:02.063
Dude, what is that?
Is that a pterodactyl?

903
00:49:02.133 --> 00:49:03.532
I do not know what that is.

904
00:49:03.601 --> 00:49:05.535
That was extreme, dude!

905
00:49:05.603 --> 00:49:08.766
Excuse me, can you tell us how
to get to the highway from here?

906
00:49:08.840 --> 00:49:09.966
Dude, I got this.

907
00:49:21.786 --> 00:49:24.277
Dude, who knew learning Hindi
would actually pay off?

908
00:49:24.355 --> 00:49:26.414
Guy says the highway is, like,
a couple traffic lights from here.

909
00:49:26.491 --> 00:49:28.425
We should be in Cherry Hill
in ten minutes.

910
00:49:28.493 --> 00:49:30.620
- Ready? One, two, three!
- No. No.

911
00:49:30.695 --> 00:49:32.788
- No.
- Extreme kayaking!

912
00:49:32.864 --> 00:49:34.331
No!

913
00:49:36.935 --> 00:49:38.232
Extreme!

914
00:49:43.374 --> 00:49:45.740
- No!
- Man, that was so fuckin' extreme!

915
00:49:46.444 --> 00:49:48.105
On a scale of 1 to 10,

916
00:49:48.179 --> 00:49:51.148
one being not so extreme
and ten being extremely extreme,

917
00:49:51.216 --> 00:49:53.184
I give this a 9.5!

918
00:49:54.752 --> 00:49:56.913
- Check it out!
- Extreme cheddar!

919
00:50:02.760 --> 00:50:05.251
- Hey.
- Extreme cashier!

920
00:50:06.664 --> 00:50:07.756
Somebody should do something.

921
00:50:09.467 --> 00:50:10.866
Yeah, you're right.

922
00:50:10.935 --> 00:50:13.563
Hey, asshole!
Why don't you leave that guy alone

923
00:50:13.638 --> 00:50:15.902
and go jerk off to some
snowboarding videos or something?

924
00:50:19.277 --> 00:50:21.142
<i>I didn't mean you
should do something about it.</i>

925
00:50:32.957 --> 00:50:34.788
What? You're gonna take that?

926
00:50:34.859 --> 00:50:37.726
What's up with that? Huh?

927
00:50:37.795 --> 00:50:39.524
You're gonna take that?

928
00:50:40.965 --> 00:50:41.989
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

929
00:50:42.066 --> 00:50:43.499
- Shit!
- That's right, bitch!

930
00:50:43.568 --> 00:50:46.002
You just try fuckin' with me
one more time!

931
00:50:46.070 --> 00:50:48.630
Just try it!
Thank you, come again.

932
00:50:51.609 --> 00:50:52.667
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

933
00:50:54.212 --> 00:50:56.203
Kumar, you okay?

934
00:50:56.281 --> 00:50:58.306
Yeah, dude,
I just hate those assholes.

935
00:50:58.383 --> 00:51:00.317
You know what? Fuck it, I'm hungry.
Let's just get outta here.

936
00:51:14.799 --> 00:51:17.768
Did Doogie Howser
just steal my fucking car?

937
00:51:21.272 --> 00:51:24.173
Yes. I think he did.

938
00:51:40.058 --> 00:51:42.788
You! You had to pick up
a hitchhiker! Why?!

939
00:51:42.860 --> 00:51:43.849
Calm down.

940
00:51:43.928 --> 00:51:45.361
Why did you leave
the keys in the car?

941
00:51:45.430 --> 00:51:46.988
Why? Because
it would get stolen.

942
00:51:47.065 --> 00:51:49.966
I figured that Neil Patrick Harris
was a trustworthy guy.

943
00:51:50.034 --> 00:51:51.797
Come on. How was I supposed
to know he'd fuck us over?

944
00:51:51.869 --> 00:51:54.702
This whole freaking night,
this whole night, is your fault!

945
00:51:56.541 --> 00:51:59.374
- Where are you going?
- I'm going inside to call the police.

946
00:51:59.444 --> 00:52:01.503
I don't want
to talk to you anymore.

947
00:52:04.249 --> 00:52:06.410
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

948
00:52:06.484 --> 00:52:08.281
There's a pay phone
across the street

949
00:52:08.353 --> 00:52:10.446
if you don't wanna
deal with those assholes.

950
00:52:24.135 --> 00:52:27.866
After we talk to the cops, we're
still going to White Castle, right?

951
00:52:27.939 --> 00:52:30.339
I'm not speaking to you.

952
00:52:30.408 --> 00:52:33.468
When are they fucking going
to develop button technology

953
00:52:33.544 --> 00:52:35.034
that will understand urgency?!

954
00:52:35.113 --> 00:52:38.446
- Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across.
- It'll change in a second.

955
00:52:38.516 --> 00:52:40.177
There's not a car in sight.
Just go ahead.

956
00:52:40.251 --> 00:52:43.448
Fine. You want me to cross?
I will cross.

957
00:52:43.521 --> 00:52:45.921
If it makes you happy,
I will cross.

958
00:52:46.958 --> 00:52:48.050
I'll do it.

959
00:52:53.195 --> 00:52:54.560
Shit!

960
00:52:54.630 --> 00:52:57.258
- What...
- Sorry.

961
00:53:00.469 --> 00:53:03.029
Is there a problem,
Officer Palumbo?

962
00:53:03.105 --> 00:53:05.300
Is there a problem?
You ever heard of jaywalking?

963
00:53:05.374 --> 00:53:07.137
Yes, I have. I'm really sorry.
Won't happen again.

964
00:53:07.209 --> 00:53:09.234
That's great.
I'm writing you up a ticket.

965
00:53:09.312 --> 00:53:10.711
A ticket?
Are you serious?

966
00:53:10.780 --> 00:53:12.748
Who the fuck are you, shitwad?

967
00:53:12.815 --> 00:53:15.409
Let me apologize
for my friend here. I'm very sorry.

968
00:53:15.484 --> 00:53:17.384
I'm really glad you're here.
We've had a rough night.

969
00:53:17.453 --> 00:53:19.216
<i>You know the show
Doogie Howser M. D.?</i>

970
00:53:19.288 --> 00:53:22.587
Great show.
God, I love that show. "Doogie."

971
00:53:22.658 --> 00:53:25.126
Neil Patrick Harris
stole my car tonight.

972
00:53:25.194 --> 00:53:27.355
Hey, NPH wouldn't do that,
all right?

973
00:53:27.430 --> 00:53:28.761
Give me some I.D.

974
00:53:28.831 --> 00:53:31.163
Excuse me, how can you
give him a ticket for jaywalking?

975
00:53:31.233 --> 00:53:34.725
It's 2:30 in the morning.
There's not a car around here.

976
00:53:34.804 --> 00:53:35.930
Kumar, shut up.

977
00:53:36.005 --> 00:53:37.267
That's not the kind of tone
you want to use

978
00:53:37.340 --> 00:53:38.830
on a cop who can bust your ass.

979
00:53:38.908 --> 00:53:41.502
- Bust my ass?
- Yeah, Koo-mar.

980
00:53:41.577 --> 00:53:44.102
Bust your ass.

981
00:53:44.180 --> 00:53:46.842
What kind of name
is that anyhow? Koo-mar.

982
00:53:46.916 --> 00:53:49.510
What is that,
like, five O's or two U's?

983
00:53:49.585 --> 00:53:51.212
No, it's actually one U.

984
00:53:51.287 --> 00:53:52.777
Yeah, bullshit.

985
00:53:52.855 --> 00:53:56.291
Whatever happened to good old
American names like Dave or Jim?

986
00:53:56.359 --> 00:53:57.986
- Harold.
- Harold.

987
00:53:58.060 --> 00:53:59.721
- Are you kidd...
- Now that's a great name.

988
00:53:59.795 --> 00:54:01.353
- Let me take care of this.
- You should be proud of that name, son.

989
00:54:01.430 --> 00:54:03.125
As you were, ladies.

990
00:54:04.200 --> 00:54:07.328
- $220?! Are you crazy?!
- Kumar, if you don't stop...

991
00:54:07.403 --> 00:54:09.735
No, I understand exactly
what's going on here.

992
00:54:09.805 --> 00:54:12.603
Excuse me, officer, let me
take a couple of guesses.

993
00:54:12.675 --> 00:54:14.643
- I'm really sorry...
- Get your hands down!

994
00:54:14.710 --> 00:54:16.940
- Okay, alright.
- No sudden moves. Back it up!

995
00:54:17.013 --> 00:54:19.311
You were probably the big asshole
in your high school, right?

996
00:54:19.382 --> 00:54:20.542
Absolutely right.

997
00:54:20.616 --> 00:54:22.174
Used to pick on guys like us
every day, right?

998
00:54:22.251 --> 00:54:23.309
With pleasure.

999
00:54:23.386 --> 00:54:25.616
Then graduation day came,
and we went to college,

1000
00:54:25.688 --> 00:54:27.349
and you went nowhere,
and you thought,

1001
00:54:27.423 --> 00:54:29.152
"Hey, how can I
still give them shit?

1002
00:54:29.225 --> 00:54:30.852
I know, I'll become a cop."

1003
00:54:30.926 --> 00:54:33.827
Well, congratu-fuckin'-lations.
Your dream has come true.

1004
00:54:33.896 --> 00:54:36.023
Now, why don't you just take
this quiet little Asian guy

1005
00:54:36.098 --> 00:54:38.225
with the Anglicized name
that treats you so well

1006
00:54:38.300 --> 00:54:39.699
and give him a couple
of other tickets?

1007
00:54:39.769 --> 00:54:41.532
- Better yet, just take him to jail.
- Better idea.

1008
00:54:41.604 --> 00:54:43.572
Why don't you just arrest him?
Does that work out for you okay, Harold?

1009
00:54:43.639 --> 00:54:44.867
- "Great American name, Harold."
- Let's go, Harold.

1010
00:54:44.940 --> 00:54:46.874
Thanks to your buddy,
we're going downtow...

1011
00:54:52.314 --> 00:54:53.645
Oh, shit.

1012
00:54:54.717 --> 00:54:59.347
Well, thank you so much for
being understanding about Bradley.

1013
00:54:59.422 --> 00:55:02.016
I promise you
he won't ever do it again.

1014
00:55:02.091 --> 00:55:03.752
I'm sure he won't.

1015
00:55:04.493 --> 00:55:06.222
Right, Brad?

1016
00:55:06.295 --> 00:55:08.195
Yes, sir,
Officer Palumbo, sir.

1017
00:55:08.264 --> 00:55:12.325
- Mommy, can we go home?
- Get in the car, Bradley Thomas.

1018
00:55:12.401 --> 00:55:13.425
Bye, Brad.

1019
00:55:13.502 --> 00:55:15.527
Are you gonna do
something about my car?

1020
00:55:16.205 --> 00:55:17.570
<i>First our top story.</i>

1021
00:55:17.640 --> 00:55:20.666
<i>The search for the escaped cheetah
continues tonight.</i>

1022
00:55:20.743 --> 00:55:23.735
<i>It was last spotted
in Randolph County. South of...</i>

1023
00:55:24.880 --> 00:55:28.111
- So what are you in here for?
- For being black.

1024
00:55:28.818 --> 00:55:29.807
Seriously.

1025
00:55:30.453 --> 00:55:32.978
I am serious.
You wanna know what happened?

1026
00:55:34.323 --> 00:55:36.814
I was walking
out of a Barnes & Noble,

1027
00:55:36.892 --> 00:55:38.291
and a cop stops me.

1028
00:55:38.360 --> 00:55:41.727
Evidently a black guy
robbed a store in Newark.

1029
00:55:41.797 --> 00:55:45.392
I told him, "I haven't even been
to Newark in months."

1030
00:55:45.468 --> 00:55:47.163
So, he starts beating me
with his gun...

1031
00:55:47.236 --> 00:55:49.534
...telling me to stop resisting arrest.
- Holy shit! What'd you do?

1032
00:55:49.605 --> 00:55:51.869
I kept saying,
"I understand I'm under arrest.

1033
00:55:51.941 --> 00:55:54.034
Now please stop beating me."

1034
00:55:54.110 --> 00:55:56.476
I don't understand how
you can be so calm about all this.

1035
00:55:56.545 --> 00:56:00.572
Look at me.
I'm fat, black, can't dance,

1036
00:56:00.649 --> 00:56:02.276
and I have two gay fathers.

1037
00:56:03.185 --> 00:56:06.018
People have been
messing with me my whole life.

1038
00:56:06.088 --> 00:56:09.854
I learned a long time ago that
there's no sense getting all riled up

1039
00:56:09.925 --> 00:56:12.325
every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.

1040
00:56:13.062 --> 00:56:17.260
In the end, the universe tends
to unfold as it should.

1041
00:56:18.734 --> 00:56:21.134
Plus I have a really large penis.
That keeps me happy.

1042
00:56:22.338 --> 00:56:23.430
Hey, hey, listen up, guys!

1043
00:56:23.506 --> 00:56:24.973
Multiple gunshots
fired in Millbrook Park.

1044
00:56:25.040 --> 00:56:27.235
Finally, some action.
I'm goin'!

1045
00:56:27.309 --> 00:56:29.368
- No, I'm goin'!
- Lock and load!

1046
00:56:37.520 --> 00:56:38.509
That was strange.

1047
00:56:41.857 --> 00:56:44.018
What the hell was that?

1048
00:56:44.093 --> 00:56:46.288
Rold. Is that you?

1049
00:56:46.362 --> 00:56:48.489
- Kumar?
- Are the cops still here?

1050
00:56:48.564 --> 00:56:49.895
What the hell are you doing?

1051
00:56:49.965 --> 00:56:52.490
I just called and made up some story
about a shooting in Millbrook Park.

1052
00:56:52.568 --> 00:56:54.661
- Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?
- I'm fucking starving.

1053
00:56:54.737 --> 00:56:57.433
I figured I'd bust you out
and we'd go get some burgers.

1054
00:56:57.506 --> 00:56:59.872
Forget it. I'm not getting
into any more trouble.

1055
00:56:59.942 --> 00:57:01.603
I'm already in here because of you.

1056
00:57:01.677 --> 00:57:02.666
Hey, fuck you!

1057
00:57:02.745 --> 00:57:05.043
What did you want me to do,
stand there and take the hit?

1058
00:57:05.114 --> 00:57:06.638
You know I've never
taken a swing at you, ever.

1059
00:57:06.715 --> 00:57:07.977
Well, I never got your car stolen.

1060
00:57:08.050 --> 00:57:09.347
- Fine. I'm leaving.
- Fine.

1061
00:57:13.122 --> 00:57:16.990
- Harold, how do I get out of here?
- How the hell should I know?

1062
00:57:17.059 --> 00:57:19.152
Shit! Oh, God, this isn't good.

1063
00:57:26.101 --> 00:57:27.796
My ass!

1064
00:57:31.340 --> 00:57:33.706
Sure you don't want
to get out of here?

1065
00:57:33.776 --> 00:57:35.710
And become a fugitive?
Are you nuts?

1066
00:57:35.778 --> 00:57:38.110
- The guy has all my information.
- So what?

1067
00:57:38.180 --> 00:57:40.080
We'll just take what he
wrote down about you and leave.

1068
00:57:40.149 --> 00:57:41.582
Unless you want to
stay here all night

1069
00:57:41.650 --> 00:57:43.641
and not be able to
turn in your work tomorrow.

1070
00:57:48.123 --> 00:57:49.317
Fine, hurry up.

1071
00:57:49.391 --> 00:57:52.292
Yes! All right,
we gotta find keys.

1072
00:57:52.361 --> 00:57:54.659
Oh, yes!

1073
00:57:54.730 --> 00:57:56.891
Sweet! I was hoping it would
be one of these big ring of keys.

1074
00:57:56.966 --> 00:57:59.400
- Kumar, hurry the fuck up.
- All right, yeah.

1075
00:58:05.908 --> 00:58:07.205
- Yes!
- Dude!

1076
00:58:09.445 --> 00:58:12.073
- Hey, what's that smell?
- What smell?

1077
00:58:13.048 --> 00:58:14.379
Kumar.

1078
00:58:28.197 --> 00:58:32.258
<i>If we still have time.
We might still get by</i>

1079
00:58:32.334 --> 00:58:36.031
<i>Every time I think about it
I wanna cry</i>

1080
00:58:36.105 --> 00:58:39.802
<i>With bombs and the devil.
And the kids keep comin'</i>

1081
00:58:39.875 --> 00:58:44.608
<i>No way to breathe easy.
No time to be young</i>

1082
00:58:46.515 --> 00:58:50.747
<i>But I tell myself
that I'm doin' all right</i>

1083
00:58:50.819 --> 00:58:53.879
<i>There's nothin' left
to do at night</i>

1084
00:58:53.956 --> 00:58:56.891
<i>But go crazy on you</i>

1085
00:58:58.227 --> 00:59:01.162
<i>Crazy on you</i>

1086
00:59:01.230 --> 00:59:05.428
<i>Let me go crazy.
Crazy on you</i>

1087
00:59:06.902 --> 00:59:09.928
<i>Crazy on you</i>

1088
00:59:10.005 --> 00:59:13.941
Bitch! Learn how to fuckin'
make coffee, you fuckin' whore!

1089
00:59:14.009 --> 00:59:16.273
<i>Let me go crazy.
Crazy on you</i>

1090
00:59:16.345 --> 00:59:17.903
I love you.

1091
00:59:18.447 --> 00:59:20.142
No, no, no.

1092
00:59:20.950 --> 00:59:22.884
No, baby, come on.

1093
00:59:24.119 --> 00:59:27.111
Hey, Kumar. Kumar!
Where are you...

1094
00:59:27.189 --> 00:59:29.316
Kumar!
Still in jail, asshole!

1095
00:59:29.391 --> 00:59:30.688
Come here!

1096
00:59:34.463 --> 00:59:35.487
Kumar! The cops...

1097
00:59:35.564 --> 00:59:37.498
You thought you'd
get away with it, huh?

1098
00:59:37.566 --> 00:59:40.296
I was in bed.
I didn't fire any gun. I swear.

1099
00:59:41.537 --> 00:59:43.835
Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!

1100
00:59:43.906 --> 00:59:45.965
What are you talking about?
I'm just sitting here.

1101
00:59:46.041 --> 00:59:47.167
He's trying to break free!
Get him!

1102
00:59:47.242 --> 00:59:49.676
- Aw, shit.
- Don't move!

1103
00:59:51.580 --> 00:59:53.844
Stop resisting!
We need backup now!

1104
00:59:53.916 --> 00:59:55.781
- He's got a gun.
- That's not a gun, that's a book.

1105
00:59:55.851 --> 00:59:57.785
- Secure the book!
- Book is secure.

1106
00:59:57.853 --> 01:00:01.584
You bring this filth in here?
What is this shit?

1107
01:00:01.657 --> 01:00:04.182
Wait, wait. We gotta
do something about this.

1108
01:00:04.259 --> 01:00:06.659
We're gonna teach you
how to read now, brother.

1109
01:00:07.296 --> 01:00:09.696
If I were you, I'd leave
as soon as possible.

1110
01:00:09.765 --> 01:00:11.323
- Whose hand is that?
- Thanks, man.

1111
01:00:21.777 --> 01:00:24.644
Jesus Christ.
Thanks for getting me out, man.

1112
01:00:24.713 --> 01:00:28.809
No problem. The burgers wouldn't
taste as good if you weren't there.

1113
01:00:28.884 --> 01:00:30.249
Hey, look at this.

1114
01:00:30.319 --> 01:00:34.085
It's like we went from being
completely poor to being millionaires.

1115
01:00:35.891 --> 01:00:38.189
- What was that?
- Probably just a coyote.

1116
01:00:38.260 --> 01:00:40.160
Aren't people supposed to
be scared of coyotes?

1117
01:00:40.229 --> 01:00:41.719
That's just
'cause they sound scary, man.

1118
01:00:41.797 --> 01:00:44.925
In one-on-one combat, either of us
could take down a coyote, no problem.

1119
01:00:45.000 --> 01:00:46.160
What?

1120
01:00:49.538 --> 01:00:51.267
Now, cheetahs are another story.

1121
01:00:53.976 --> 01:00:55.944
- We're gonna die.
- No, now hold on.

1122
01:00:56.011 --> 01:00:57.478
Cheetahs are used to
eating gazelles and shit.

1123
01:00:57.546 --> 01:00:58.740
They're not known
for eating humans.

1124
01:01:00.349 --> 01:01:02.715
That is a corpse.
We're gonna die.

1125
01:01:02.785 --> 01:01:04.116
Shit!
That's not a good sign.

1126
01:01:04.186 --> 01:01:07.280
Maybe if we just stay really,
really still, he'll just go away.

1127
01:01:07.356 --> 01:01:08.516
Okay.

1128
01:01:09.458 --> 01:01:11.289
Just stay really still.
Don't move, okay?

1129
01:01:11.360 --> 01:01:13.453
Just stay right there.
Very good. Good job.

1130
01:01:13.529 --> 01:01:15.224
This isn't working.

1131
01:01:19.268 --> 01:01:22.294
He's mauling me!
He's mauling me!

1132
01:01:26.308 --> 01:01:29.141
Dude, I told you not
to bring the beef jerky.

1133
01:01:39.621 --> 01:01:41.213
He likes me.

1134
01:01:43.826 --> 01:01:46.056
Hey, Rold, I have an idea.

1135
01:01:47.930 --> 01:01:51.366
- You gotta be kidding me, man.
- Uh-uh.

1136
01:01:56.405 --> 01:01:58.498
This is either a really smart move

1137
01:01:58.574 --> 01:02:01.270
or by far the stupidest thing
that we have ever tried.

1138
01:02:01.343 --> 01:02:03.573
Well, we're about to find out.

1139
01:02:04.680 --> 01:02:05.669
Mush!

1140
01:02:07.416 --> 01:02:09.043
I told you this was...

1141
01:02:18.360 --> 01:02:19.349
<i>Oy vey!</i>

1142
01:02:21.864 --> 01:02:26.164
Dude, am I really high,
or is this actually working?

1143
01:02:26.235 --> 01:02:28.726
- Both!
- This is awesome!

1144
01:02:28.804 --> 01:02:30.897
We're gonna be
at White Castle in no time!

1145
01:02:31.607 --> 01:02:33.006
That was close, huh, Roldy?

1146
01:02:38.046 --> 01:02:41.447
Harold.
I need you, Harold.

1147
01:02:49.691 --> 01:02:51.886
I need you, Harold.

1148
01:02:52.427 --> 01:02:54.019
Come here.

1149
01:02:54.096 --> 01:02:56.462
- Come here, Harold.
- Maria.

1150
01:02:56.532 --> 01:02:59.000
- Come, Harold.
- I'm coming, baby!

1151
01:02:59.902 --> 01:03:02.427
<i>I want you to hold me.
Papi. I need you.</i>

1152
01:03:02.504 --> 01:03:05.337
Baby, I'm a-comin'!

1153
01:03:05.841 --> 01:03:06.830
Not so fast.

1154
01:03:06.909 --> 01:03:08.570
<i>Watch out, watch out</i>

1155
01:03:10.279 --> 01:03:11.644
Come on!

1156
01:03:14.416 --> 01:03:19.718
Bullets... my only weakness.
How did you know?

1157
01:03:19.788 --> 01:03:20.777
<i>Maria</i>

1158
01:03:20.856 --> 01:03:22.346
Harold.

1159
01:03:22.424 --> 01:03:23.755
Maria.

1160
01:03:23.825 --> 01:03:26.589
<i>Maria</i>

1161
01:03:32.534 --> 01:03:34.331
<i>Maria. Maria</i>

1162
01:03:40.075 --> 01:03:41.372
<i>Watch out, watch out</i>

1163
01:03:43.946 --> 01:03:45.880
<i>Watch out, watch out</i>

1164
01:03:49.117 --> 01:03:52.086
What the hell
are you doing? God!

1165
01:03:52.154 --> 01:03:54.019
You've been out cold
for the past half-hour.

1166
01:03:54.089 --> 01:03:56.284
I figured maybe if I did
some gay shit you'd wake up.

1167
01:03:56.358 --> 01:03:58.622
If we did some gay shit?
Where are we?

1168
01:03:58.694 --> 01:04:01.595
Didn't we come here on a cheetah?
Where's the cheetah?

1169
01:04:01.663 --> 01:04:03.893
It ran away. Listen, forget
about the cheetah, okay?

1170
01:04:03.966 --> 01:04:06.196
I have some bad news
and some worse news.

1171
01:04:06.268 --> 01:04:08.099
Give me the worse news first.

1172
01:04:08.170 --> 01:04:09.603
I looked at some
of the road signs up there,

1173
01:04:09.671 --> 01:04:11.901
and it looks like the cheetah
took us in the wrong direction.

1174
01:04:11.974 --> 01:04:14.101
- Shit!
- Yeah.

1175
01:04:14.276 --> 01:04:15.800
- Shit!
- Yeah.

1176
01:04:16.878 --> 01:04:18.470
All right, what's the bad news?

1177
01:04:18.547 --> 01:04:20.447
Your laptop's completely destroyed.

1178
01:04:20.515 --> 01:04:21.914
What?

1179
01:04:21.984 --> 01:04:25.317
Why didn't...
Why didn't you tell me...

1180
01:04:25.387 --> 01:04:28.117
How is that not
the worse news?

1181
01:04:28.190 --> 01:04:30.158
The laptop situation
really only affects you,

1182
01:04:30.225 --> 01:04:34.161
whereas the White Castle
situation affects both of us equally.

1183
01:04:36.898 --> 01:04:38.923
Oh, no! Oh, no!

1184
01:04:39.001 --> 01:04:41.799
All my work was saved
on this computer.

1185
01:04:41.870 --> 01:04:43.838
Now I gotta go back
to the office and redo it.

1186
01:04:43.905 --> 01:04:44.929
Exactly.
First we'll go to White Castle...

1187
01:04:45.007 --> 01:04:47.032
Forget about White Castle.
There is no time.

1188
01:04:48.076 --> 01:04:49.236
Car.

1189
01:04:55.484 --> 01:04:57.384
Hello. Over here!

1190
01:05:00.122 --> 01:05:01.612
Shit.

1191
01:05:23.545 --> 01:05:25.012
Whoa.

1192
01:05:26.648 --> 01:05:27.740
Yeah. Um...

1193
01:05:28.950 --> 01:05:31.248
All right,
we'll get a pay phone,

1194
01:05:31.320 --> 01:05:33.618
get a cab back
to your office, all right?

1195
01:05:34.856 --> 01:05:36.483
Come on. You all right?

1196
01:05:46.301 --> 01:05:48.326
- Hey, check this out!
- Yeah, nice!

1197
01:05:51.039 --> 01:05:52.472
Hey, Apu!

1198
01:05:52.541 --> 01:05:55.009
Jesus. These guys
are frickin' everywhere.

1199
01:05:55.077 --> 01:05:57.944
Who's looking after
the Kwik-E-Mart while you're gone?

1200
01:05:58.013 --> 01:06:00.311
You two going
to share a curry Slurpee?

1201
01:06:00.382 --> 01:06:01.872
Fucking assholes.

1202
01:06:02.551 --> 01:06:04.815
Dude, check it out.
It's Rosenberg and Goldstein.

1203
01:06:09.858 --> 01:06:11.086
I want that.

1204
01:06:11.159 --> 01:06:13.024
What, a Hot Dog Heaven
super chili cheese dog?

1205
01:06:13.095 --> 01:06:15.859
No. I want that feeling.

1206
01:06:15.931 --> 01:06:18.297
The feeling that comes over a man

1207
01:06:18.367 --> 01:06:20.460
when he gets
exactly what he desires.

1208
01:06:20.535 --> 01:06:22.469
I need that feeling.

1209
01:06:22.537 --> 01:06:24.095
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?

1210
01:06:24.172 --> 01:06:26.436
- We gotta go to White Castle.
- Yes, yes!

1211
01:06:26.508 --> 01:06:28.135
I knew you had it in you, dude.

1212
01:06:29.277 --> 01:06:30.676
Yo, is that Cindy Kim?

1213
01:06:34.449 --> 01:06:37.782
Oh, dude, you should've boned her
when you had the chance, man.

1214
01:06:37.853 --> 01:06:39.684
Check it out.

1215
01:06:43.558 --> 01:06:45.219
Why don't you guys
just leave us alone?

1216
01:06:45.293 --> 01:06:47.124
What are you gonna
do about it, Mr. Miyagi?

1217
01:06:50.399 --> 01:06:51.832
That's extreme, man!

1218
01:06:52.667 --> 01:06:54.760
<i>There's no sense
getting all riled up</i>

1219
01:06:54.836 --> 01:06:57.600
<i>every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.</i>

1220
01:06:57.672 --> 01:07:01.472
<i>The universe tends
to unfold as it should.</i>

1221
01:07:03.044 --> 01:07:04.033
Nothing.

1222
01:07:05.947 --> 01:07:08.142
- Fucking extreme!
- I'm so sick of their bullshit.

1223
01:07:09.751 --> 01:07:13.312
Don't worry. The universe
tends to unfold as it should.

1224
01:07:13.388 --> 01:07:16.084
What is that,
some fortune cookie?

1225
01:07:17.659 --> 01:07:21.356
Hey, I got a plan.
Follow my lead, okay?

1226
01:07:21.430 --> 01:07:23.159
- Your lead?
- Yeah.

1227
01:07:23.231 --> 01:07:24.664
Okay.

1228
01:07:24.733 --> 01:07:27.861
Whoa, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!

1229
01:07:32.274 --> 01:07:33.263
Those pricks!

1230
01:07:33.341 --> 01:07:35.536
- This is your plan?
- It's working, isn't it?

1231
01:07:37.746 --> 01:07:39.907
Come on, come on!
Get 'em, guys!

1232
01:07:39.981 --> 01:07:41.812
- Jerk-offs!
- My truck!

1233
01:07:44.486 --> 01:07:46.545
Thank you, come again.

1234
01:07:51.827 --> 01:07:54.796
Dude, that was so not extreme.

1235
01:07:54.863 --> 01:07:57.297
I know, Extreme Sport Punk
Number One.

1236
01:08:01.102 --> 01:08:02.399
I know.

1237
01:08:02.471 --> 01:08:04.029
Let's find us some tunes, baby.

1238
01:08:04.105 --> 01:08:07.506
"Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5"?
What is this shit?

1239
01:08:08.777 --> 01:08:12.008
<i>And I need you now tonight</i>

1240
01:08:12.080 --> 01:08:14.674
Those guys are fuckin' posers.

1241
01:08:15.617 --> 01:08:19.815
<i>And if you'll only hold me tight</i>

1242
01:08:19.888 --> 01:08:24.951
<i>Baby. Baby. The stars
are shining foryou</i>

1243
01:08:25.026 --> 01:08:29.520
<i>And just like me.
I'm sure that they adore you</i>

1244
01:08:29.598 --> 01:08:30.826
<i>Baby. Baby</i>

1245
01:08:30.899 --> 01:08:33.868
<i>Go walking through the forest</i>

1246
01:08:33.935 --> 01:08:36.495
<i>Things'll go your way</i>

1247
01:08:36.571 --> 01:08:38.801
<i>Hold on for one more day</i>

1248
01:08:38.874 --> 01:08:41.001
<i>I know that there is pain</i>

1249
01:08:41.076 --> 01:08:43.237
<i>But you hold on for one more day</i>

1250
01:08:43.311 --> 01:08:47.714
<i>And you break free
from the chains</i>

1251
01:08:48.583 --> 01:08:50.551
<i>Yeah. I know that there is pain</i>

1252
01:08:50.619 --> 01:08:53.179
<i>But you hold on
for one more day</i>

1253
01:08:53.255 --> 01:08:56.383
<i>And you break free
right from the chains</i>

1254
01:08:58.226 --> 01:09:01.389
Someday somebody's gonna
make you wanna turn around

1255
01:09:01.463 --> 01:09:03.556
- And say good-bye
- Say good-bye

1256
01:09:03.632 --> 01:09:04.997
Until then, baby

1257
01:09:05.066 --> 01:09:07.466
Are you gonna let 'em
hold you down and make you cry?

1258
01:09:07.536 --> 01:09:10.562
Don't you know
things can change

1259
01:09:10.639 --> 01:09:12.072
Things'll go your way

1260
01:09:12.140 --> 01:09:16.634
If you hold on for one more day

1261
01:09:16.711 --> 01:09:19.680
Hold on

1262
01:09:23.752 --> 01:09:24.912
Bingo.

1263
01:09:25.253 --> 01:09:28.416
Yeah, dude! Cherry Hill, man.
We're almost there.

1264
01:09:28.490 --> 01:09:29.855
I told you, man!

1265
01:09:29.925 --> 01:09:32.257
I found 'em,
and I'm gonna need backup.

1266
01:09:32.327 --> 01:09:34.522
- Oh, shit.
- Shit.

1267
01:09:34.596 --> 01:09:37.258
Fudge, dude.
Are you kidding me?

1268
01:09:37.933 --> 01:09:41.130
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm not going back to jail, man.

1269
01:09:41.202 --> 01:09:44.069
We've come too far.
Now buckle up. Buckle up!

1270
01:09:45.807 --> 01:09:48.002
We got a chase on our hands.

1271
01:09:49.477 --> 01:09:51.741
- Ready?
- Yeah. For what?

1272
01:09:51.813 --> 01:09:53.075
Oh, shit!

1273
01:09:55.684 --> 01:09:58.380
- Where the fuck you takin' us?
- Just hold on.

1274
01:10:03.692 --> 01:10:04.989
What the...

1275
01:10:08.964 --> 01:10:11.762
It's a good thing I have an empty
stomach or else I'd puke right now.

1276
01:10:16.471 --> 01:10:17.802
We're gonna make it.

1277
01:10:18.740 --> 01:10:20.674
Everything's gonna be all ri...

1278
01:10:22.777 --> 01:10:24.642
Oh, my God!

1279
01:10:26.114 --> 01:10:27.479
Oh, shit. Holy shit.

1280
01:10:27.549 --> 01:10:30.074
- Put her in reverse. Hurry!
- Shit!

1281
01:10:30.151 --> 01:10:32.016
Let's go out the back.
I'll go first.

1282
01:10:32.087 --> 01:10:34.920
- Don't shake the car!
- Well, hurry up!

1283
01:10:42.530 --> 01:10:44.054
Hey, Roldy, check it out.

1284
01:10:56.645 --> 01:10:58.806
Shit, shit!
We're trapped, man!

1285
01:11:02.450 --> 01:11:05.146
Whoa. Not necessarily.

1286
01:11:06.121 --> 01:11:07.713
No.

1287
01:11:07.789 --> 01:11:10.155
No, not a chance.
I'd rather turn myself in than die.

1288
01:11:10.225 --> 01:11:11.590
No, dude, I know
exactly how to do that.

1289
01:11:11.660 --> 01:11:13.685
I used to do it with my dad
all the time when I was a kid.

1290
01:11:13.762 --> 01:11:16.629
Forget it! I'm not risking my life
over a bunch of hamburgers, man.

1291
01:11:16.698 --> 01:11:18.962
So you think this is
just about the burgers, huh?

1292
01:11:19.868 --> 01:11:23.360
Let me tell you,
it's about far more than that.

1293
01:11:25.206 --> 01:11:27.174
Our parents came to this country,

1294
01:11:27.242 --> 01:11:31.269
escaping persecution,
poverty, and hunger.

1295
01:11:32.113 --> 01:11:33.978
Hunger, Harold.

1296
01:11:34.049 --> 01:11:36.950
They were very, very hungry.

1297
01:11:38.053 --> 01:11:40.749
They wanted to live in a land
that treated them as equals,

1298
01:11:40.822 --> 01:11:42.881
a land filled with hamburger stands.

1299
01:11:42.957 --> 01:11:44.982
And not just
one type of hamburger, okay?

1300
01:11:45.060 --> 01:11:48.655
Hundreds of types with different
sizes, toppings, and condiments.

1301
01:11:50.632 --> 01:11:52.600
That land was America.

1302
01:11:53.234 --> 01:11:56.533
America, Harold! America!

1303
01:11:57.706 --> 01:12:01.369
Now, this is about achieving
what our parents set out for.

1304
01:12:01.443 --> 01:12:04.606
This is about the pursuit
of happiness.

1305
01:12:04.679 --> 01:12:08.615
This night...
is about the American dream.

1306
01:12:16.024 --> 01:12:18.117
Dude, we can stay here,
get arrested,

1307
01:12:18.193 --> 01:12:21.162
and end our hopes of ever
going to White Castle.

1308
01:12:21.229 --> 01:12:25.063
Or we can take that hang glider
and make our leap towards freedom.

1309
01:12:25.133 --> 01:12:27.465
I leave the decision up to you.

1310
01:12:30.271 --> 01:12:32.068
I hate you, Kumar.

1311
01:12:33.575 --> 01:12:35.270
Tilt forward.

1312
01:12:35.343 --> 01:12:36.332
- Roldy.
- What?

1313
01:12:36.411 --> 01:12:38.174
- Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine.
- All right.

1314
01:12:41.916 --> 01:12:43.543
- Good job, Rold. Keep running.
- Thank you.

1315
01:12:43.618 --> 01:12:46.746
Hey, Roldy, there's something
I forgot to tell you.

1316
01:12:46.821 --> 01:12:48.880
- I've never hang-glided before.
- What?!

1317
01:12:48.957 --> 01:12:50.185
Jump!

1318
01:12:58.633 --> 01:12:59.622
Oh, my God!

1319
01:12:59.701 --> 01:13:01.566
- Dude, it's working!
- Oh, my God!

1320
01:13:01.636 --> 01:13:03.604
Yeah!

1321
01:13:04.239 --> 01:13:05.297
Good news.

1322
01:13:05.373 --> 01:13:07.705
I just found enough dope in the car

1323
01:13:07.776 --> 01:13:11.177
to put these skateboard punks
in jail for the next couple of years.

1324
01:13:13.515 --> 01:13:16.951
- Dude, we're so high right now.
- We're not low.

1325
01:13:24.125 --> 01:13:28.084
All right, I'm bringing her in.
Right, left, left.

1326
01:13:28.163 --> 01:13:29.596
Perfect!

1327
01:13:29.664 --> 01:13:31.859
- Shit!
- Shit!

1328
01:13:43.645 --> 01:13:45.203
God!

1329
01:13:45.280 --> 01:13:46.645
I'm gonna kill you!

1330
01:13:48.149 --> 01:13:49.582
Look!

1331
01:14:00.028 --> 01:14:01.461
We made it, dude.

1332
01:14:19.447 --> 01:14:21.381
Looks like you guys
had some night, huh?

1333
01:14:21.449 --> 01:14:24.714
I want 30 Slyders, 5 French fries,
and 4 large Cherry Cokes.

1334
01:14:24.786 --> 01:14:28.722
I want the same, except
make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.

1335
01:14:28.790 --> 01:14:32.692
Wow. Well, that comes
to $46.75.

1336
01:14:34.929 --> 01:14:37.921
- Dude, where's my money?
- You don't have money?

1337
01:14:37.999 --> 01:14:39.296
- Dude, are you kidding me?
- No.

1338
01:14:39.367 --> 01:14:41.392
I gave mine
to that asshole at Princeton.

1339
01:14:41.469 --> 01:14:44.597
Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck!
No! Dude, this isn't happening!

1340
01:14:44.672 --> 01:14:46.333
We didn't make it here,
and now we're broke!

1341
01:14:46.407 --> 01:14:47.669
No, no, no, no!

1342
01:14:47.742 --> 01:14:50.973
Guys, let me pay for it.
It's the least I can do.

1343
01:14:51.045 --> 01:14:52.410
The hell are you doing here?

1344
01:14:52.480 --> 01:14:54.710
You guys kept talking about
White Castle last night so much,

1345
01:14:54.782 --> 01:14:56.079
it made me start to crave it, too.

1346
01:14:56.150 --> 01:14:58.516
- Dude, where's my car?
- Where's his car, dude?

1347
01:14:58.586 --> 01:15:02.078
Yeah, sorry about that.
I told you last night I was tripping balls.

1348
01:15:02.156 --> 01:15:03.680
I don't know what came over me.

1349
01:15:03.758 --> 01:15:06.158
Your car's in the parking lot.
Here are your keys.

1350
01:15:06.227 --> 01:15:08.695
Do you realize what the hell we had to
go through after you took the car?

1351
01:15:08.763 --> 01:15:11.561
Yeah. It was a dick move
on my part.

1352
01:15:11.633 --> 01:15:15.194
That's why I'm paying
for your meal. Prick.

1353
01:15:15.270 --> 01:15:16.669
Thanks, I guess.

1354
01:15:16.738 --> 01:15:21.801
Here's 50 bucks for the burgers
and 200 for the car.

1355
01:15:22.977 --> 01:15:24.274
What happened to my car?

1356
01:15:24.345 --> 01:15:27.542
I made some love stains
in the back seat.

1357
01:15:27.615 --> 01:15:29.344
You'll see.

1358
01:15:32.053 --> 01:15:34.180
Anyway, nice meeting you guys.
I'll catch you later.

1359
01:15:34.722 --> 01:15:35.984
Where are you going?

1360
01:15:37.425 --> 01:15:39.154
Wherever God takes me.

1361
01:15:56.778 --> 01:15:58.643
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

1362
01:15:58.713 --> 01:15:59.737
Let's do this together.

1363
01:16:36.985 --> 01:16:38.577
Damn, that hit the spot.

1364
01:16:38.653 --> 01:16:41.622
- That was the best meal of my life.
- Mine, too.

1365
01:16:41.689 --> 01:16:43.247
You know what, dude?

1366
01:16:43.324 --> 01:16:45.622
I think I may actually go
to my interview today.

1367
01:16:45.693 --> 01:16:46.785
Are you serious?

1368
01:16:46.861 --> 01:16:48.351
You know, my whole life
I've just been scared

1369
01:16:48.429 --> 01:16:50.556
of being one of those nerdy
Indian guys turned doctor,

1370
01:16:50.631 --> 01:16:52.189
but tonight got me thinking.

1371
01:16:52.266 --> 01:16:54.496
There are far worse things
in this world than being tapped

1372
01:16:54.569 --> 01:16:56.730
for having a natural
ability in medicine.

1373
01:16:56.804 --> 01:16:59.432
<i>Chick magnet. Chick magnet</i>

1374
01:16:59.507 --> 01:17:02.533
Plus, how cool was that,
saving that dude's life last night?

1375
01:17:02.610 --> 01:17:06.512
It was somewhere between that,
getting yelled at by my dad,

1376
01:17:06.581 --> 01:17:07.570
and seeing Neil Patrick Harris

1377
01:17:07.648 --> 01:17:09.115
that I realized that I've
always wanted to be a doctor

1378
01:17:09.183 --> 01:17:11.208
but I've just been too scared
to admit it to myself.

1379
01:17:11.285 --> 01:17:13.583
- Billy, you paying for this?
- Yeah, I'll be there...

1380
01:17:13.654 --> 01:17:15.212
Good, 'cause if he wasn't,
you would.

1381
01:17:15.289 --> 01:17:18.122
Are you listening to me, Roldy?
I'm having a major epiphany here.

1382
01:17:18.192 --> 01:17:19.853
I'll be right back.

1383
01:17:19.927 --> 01:17:21.656
You're unlike any other woman
I've ever met.

1384
01:17:21.729 --> 01:17:24.220
What the fuck is going on here?

1385
01:17:25.099 --> 01:17:28.068
Harold?
What happened to you, man?

1386
01:17:28.136 --> 01:17:30.297
<i>Never mind me.
What the fuck are you doing here?</i>

1387
01:17:30.371 --> 01:17:32.532
I thought you and J.D.
Were busy all night with clients.

1388
01:17:32.607 --> 01:17:33.972
Isn't that why
I had to do your work?

1389
01:17:34.042 --> 01:17:36.272
- Henry, what the hell's going on?
- Back off, cock boy.

1390
01:17:36.344 --> 01:17:38.141
What I said to him
goes double for you.

1391
01:17:38.212 --> 01:17:40.112
- Did you just call me cock boy?
- Yeah, you know I did.

1392
01:17:40.181 --> 01:17:41.170
You're just stalling

1393
01:17:41.249 --> 01:17:43.183
because you're not quick
enough to think of a comeback.

1394
01:17:43.251 --> 01:17:45.185
You think I'm not quick enough.
Guy thinks I'm not quick enough.

1395
01:17:45.253 --> 01:17:48.017
<i>Well, I've got news for you.
I am quick enough...</i>

1396
01:17:51.426 --> 01:17:52.791
...cock boy!

1397
01:17:55.196 --> 01:17:56.754
Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry.

1398
01:17:56.831 --> 01:17:59.197
Don't bother with him. We'll take it up
with Berenson tomorrow.

1399
01:17:59.267 --> 01:18:01.030
What are you
gonna tell Berenson?

1400
01:18:01.102 --> 01:18:03.161
That I'm your workhorse?

1401
01:18:03.237 --> 01:18:05.967
That you guys think
you can party all weekend,

1402
01:18:06.040 --> 01:18:08.099
leave the work to
the quiet Asian guy in the office?

1403
01:18:08.176 --> 01:18:11.407
<i>- No, you don't understand.
- No, you don't understand.</i>

1404
01:18:11.479 --> 01:18:14.812
I'm not doing
your work for you anymore.

1405
01:18:14.882 --> 01:18:17.077
And if either one
of you douche bags

1406
01:18:17.151 --> 01:18:19.176
ever tries to pull
this shit again,

1407
01:18:19.253 --> 01:18:20.686
I'll go to Berenson myself.

1408
01:18:20.755 --> 01:18:22.723
I'll tell him what's really going on.

1409
01:18:22.790 --> 01:18:24.451
And I'll tell the whole office

1410
01:18:24.525 --> 01:18:27.983
how you both caught gonorrhea
from that prostitute in Atlantic City.

1411
01:18:29.263 --> 01:18:31.925
If you'll excuse me, boys,
I gotta get going. Kumar.

1412
01:18:33.468 --> 01:18:35.698
See you boys
at the office on Monday.

1413
01:18:35.770 --> 01:18:37.101
Excuse me.

1414
01:18:43.978 --> 01:18:46.947
Dude, that was awesome!
Where the hell did that come from?

1415
01:18:47.014 --> 01:18:48.003
I don't know.

1416
01:18:48.082 --> 01:18:51.108
Eating those delicious burgers
made me feel like a new man.

1417
01:18:51.185 --> 01:18:52.209
You know what?

1418
01:18:52.286 --> 01:18:54.083
Now I'm actually looking forward
to going to work this week.

1419
01:18:54.155 --> 01:18:57.613
No shit. You know,
you might be worthwhile after all.

1420
01:18:57.692 --> 01:18:59.159
I'm not worthless.

1421
01:18:59.227 --> 01:19:02.594
Hey, so those dudes
really have gonorrhea?

1422
01:19:02.663 --> 01:19:03.925
Beats me.

1423
01:19:05.933 --> 01:19:07.264
Hey.

1424
01:19:08.169 --> 01:19:10.228
- Let's get going.
- What's the rush, dude?

1425
01:19:10.304 --> 01:19:11.965
I don't have my interview
for a couple of hours.

1426
01:19:12.039 --> 01:19:14.303
I got some unfinished business
to take care of.

1427
01:19:14.375 --> 01:19:16.172
I thought those guys
were gonna do the work.

1428
01:19:16.244 --> 01:19:18.678
No, unfinished business.

1429
01:19:18.746 --> 01:19:20.941
- Maria.
- Still not following you.

1430
01:19:21.015 --> 01:19:22.004
Get in!

1431
01:19:28.656 --> 01:19:30.089
So you don't even have a plan.

1432
01:19:30.158 --> 01:19:33.286
Dude, I got love
on my side, man.

1433
01:19:33.361 --> 01:19:34.521
Trust me.

1434
01:19:34.595 --> 01:19:38.554
When I see Maria, I'm gonna
know exactly what to say.

1435
01:19:43.604 --> 01:19:45.037
- Hey.
- Hey.

1436
01:19:45.106 --> 01:19:47.973
It looks like you guys
have had some night.

1437
01:19:51.946 --> 01:19:55.575
Shit. You know what?
I left my lighter in your car.

1438
01:19:55.650 --> 01:19:57.515
Do me a favor and run down
and get it for me, please?

1439
01:19:57.585 --> 01:19:59.246
I gotta urinate.

1440
01:20:19.807 --> 01:20:22.207
You sure got a lot of baggage.

1441
01:20:33.955 --> 01:20:35.388
Maria, wait.

1442
01:20:35.456 --> 01:20:37.583
I know this is gonna seem
completely out of the blue,

1443
01:20:37.658 --> 01:20:40.718
and I know you don't know me
very well... or, um, at all.

1444
01:20:40.795 --> 01:20:42.660
But let me tell you
the best part of my day is.

1445
01:20:42.730 --> 01:20:45.221
I come home from work
and I walk through this lobby,

1446
01:20:45.299 --> 01:20:47.358
and on days that I'm lucky enough,

1447
01:20:47.435 --> 01:20:50.700
I spend ten seconds
in this elevator with you.

1448
01:20:50.771 --> 01:20:52.864
I had the craziest night
of my life tonight,

1449
01:20:52.940 --> 01:20:56.103
and I guess I learned that
if you want something or someone,

1450
01:20:56.177 --> 01:20:57.405
you have to go for it.

1451
01:20:59.580 --> 01:21:01.980
And if Liane can
marry a guy like Freakshow

1452
01:21:02.049 --> 01:21:04.779
and I can hang-glide
and I can ride a cheetah,

1453
01:21:04.852 --> 01:21:06.410
then I guess...

1454
01:21:07.421 --> 01:21:08.410
Oh, fuck it.

1455
01:21:08.489 --> 01:21:12.482
Girl, I'm spendin' my dimes

1456
01:21:12.560 --> 01:21:14.892
Give me a minute.
This is crazy.

1457
01:21:14.962 --> 01:21:17.021
- That was... I'm sorry.
- I don't even know you.

1458
01:21:17.098 --> 01:21:19.589
I had White Castle,
so I'm a little dizzy.

1459
01:21:19.667 --> 01:21:22.295
- We don't ever speak.
- We don't talk, so that was inappropriate.

1460
01:21:22.370 --> 01:21:23.632
Oh, fuck it.

1461
01:21:23.704 --> 01:21:26.502
<i>I wanna get next to you</i>

1462
01:21:29.944 --> 01:21:34.278
<i>I wanna get next to you</i>

1463
01:21:37.285 --> 01:21:38.274
Okay.

1464
01:21:40.021 --> 01:21:41.989
Now you just have to work
on your timing.

1465
01:21:42.056 --> 01:21:43.990
- Where are you going?
- Amsterdam.

1466
01:21:44.058 --> 01:21:47.221
I'll be back in ten days.
But I'll see you when I get back?

1467
01:21:47.295 --> 01:21:49.490
Yeah, let's do that.

1468
01:21:56.137 --> 01:21:57.627
Bye, Harold.

1469
01:22:00.174 --> 01:22:02.039
Bye. Bye.
I'll see you later.

1470
01:22:03.377 --> 01:22:05.311
- She touch your penis?
- What?

1471
01:22:05.379 --> 01:22:07.006
What happened?

1472
01:22:07.081 --> 01:22:11.518
Nothing much, really.
Just a little kiss action.

1473
01:22:11.585 --> 01:22:13.212
Nice. Nice!

1474
01:22:13.287 --> 01:22:15.847
Yeah. She's going to Amsterdam.
She'll be back in ten days.

1475
01:22:15.923 --> 01:22:17.754
We gotta go.

1476
01:22:17.825 --> 01:22:19.383
- Where?
- Amsterdam, man.

1477
01:22:19.460 --> 01:22:20.859
- We gotta get our bags packed...
- Amsterdam?

1478
01:22:20.928 --> 01:22:22.953
...and frickin' take the next flight out.

1479
01:22:23.030 --> 01:22:25.123
Are you freaking out of your mind?
What about your interview?

1480
01:22:25.199 --> 01:22:27.190
Dude, whatever.
I'll tell my dad to reschedule it.

1481
01:22:27.268 --> 01:22:30.101
He won't have a problem as long as
I take it seriously for a change.

1482
01:22:30.171 --> 01:22:33.038
We gotta freakin' go to Europe
and find Maria.

1483
01:22:33.107 --> 01:22:35.166
Dude, she's coming back
in ten days.

1484
01:22:35.242 --> 01:22:36.903
It's not like I'm never
gonna see her again.

1485
01:22:36.977 --> 01:22:38.205
Listen, for a hot chick,

1486
01:22:38.279 --> 01:22:40.247
ten days in Europe
can be the kiss of death, okay?

1487
01:22:40.314 --> 01:22:43.408
She's gonna have all these suave,
sophisticated guys all over her.

1488
01:22:43.484 --> 01:22:45.452
When she gets back,
she may not be available.

1489
01:22:45.519 --> 01:22:47.987
Forget it. I'll see her
when she comes back.

1490
01:22:48.055 --> 01:22:49.249
Hey, Roldy.

1491
01:22:50.791 --> 01:22:53.851
You do realize what's legal
in Amsterdam, don't you?

1492
01:22:56.430 --> 01:22:57.624
Oh, yeah.

1493
01:23:04.772 --> 01:23:07.536
In today's headlines,
Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson

1494
01:23:07.608 --> 01:23:10.441
and attorney Nathaniel Banks are
suing the state of New Jersey

1495
01:23:10.511 --> 01:23:13.036
for racial discrimination
and police brutality.

1496
01:23:13.114 --> 01:23:15.548
My family and I are outraged

1497
01:23:15.616 --> 01:23:18.050
and will settle for
nothing less than justice.

1498
01:23:18.119 --> 01:23:22.055
I still trust and love
all white people, all of them.

1499
01:23:22.857 --> 01:23:24.882
And Asians.
And Asians.

1500
01:23:24.959 --> 01:23:26.688
And a few Mexicans as well.

1501
01:23:26.761 --> 01:23:29.229
Several of the officers
suspected of brutality

1502
01:23:29.296 --> 01:23:31.594
were taken into custody
earlier this morning.

1503
01:23:31.665 --> 01:23:33.758
Run away, you mother...

1504
01:23:33.834 --> 01:23:37.668
No black mother... gonna get away
with this, so... all y'all.

1505
01:23:37.738 --> 01:23:39.330
You can suck my...

1506
01:23:39.407 --> 01:23:40.999
Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey,

1507
01:23:41.075 --> 01:23:43.066
have just arrested
a gang of hooligans

1508
01:23:43.144 --> 01:23:46.011
who are suspected of terrorizing
numerous strip malls

1509
01:23:46.080 --> 01:23:47.240
and convenience stores.

1510
01:23:47.314 --> 01:23:49.680
Officer Thurmond Brucks
found their abandoned car,

1511
01:23:49.750 --> 01:23:52.583
which contained a large bag
of marijuana.

1512
01:23:52.653 --> 01:23:54.951
And in other news,
the Muckleburg Police Department

1513
01:23:55.022 --> 01:23:56.819
are still looking for a fugitive

1514
01:23:56.891 --> 01:23:58.791
who escaped
from the police station last night

1515
01:23:58.859 --> 01:24:01.555
with a companion
believed to be his accomplice.

1516
01:24:01.629 --> 01:24:03.824
Police have released
sketches of the two fugitives

1517
01:24:03.898 --> 01:24:06.992
which they believe
to be extremely accurate.

1518
01:24:10.871 --> 01:24:12.065
Nice!