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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[♪ "Contrasting Strangers"
by The Light playing]
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[Abigail “Abby” Flores]
I always knew how I wanted
5
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my first sexual experience to play out.
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I'd be effortlessly cool,
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irresistible.
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[Margaret Flores] Abby? Abby?
9
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Abby, are you swinging alone in the dark?
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[dog barking]
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Can you take Mom's car
to get some dessert?
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The Cruz's are here in ten.
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[♪ "Contrasting Strangers"
resumes playing]
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[Abby] I'd have all the right moves.
15
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Shit. [grunts]
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Number 71.
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00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,665
[Abby] And no matter
how or where it happened,
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00:01:01,666 --> 00:01:03,124
it would be with him...
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[inaudible]
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...Max Warren.
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00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,790
With his piercing green eyes.
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His killer smile.
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Even his neck zit.
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Ugh, relatable.
25
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:19,790
Our first interaction
was like something out of a romance novel.
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♪ Contrasting strangers ♪
27
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Hi, I'm Abby.
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I'm Max.
29
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Well, goodbye.
30
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,625
I'm Mercedes. I'm your girlfriend.
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[Abby] And when we were 12,
he said the words that changed everything.
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I guess... Abby.
33
00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:42,082
[Abby] "I guess Abby."
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He picked me and I picked him right back.
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[server] Number 72.
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Uh, one scoop of cherry ice cream.
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Gummy worms on top. Double worms?
38
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Oh, no, single serving, please.
39
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Too many worms and I get a gummy-ache.
40
00:02:00,958 --> 00:02:04,250
Every time I go to Harry's,
we have the same conversation.
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But this time was different.
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00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:08,750
How's it going?
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00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,333
Oh, it's chill.
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I mean, a little weird recently, but...
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Oh, no. Why... Why?
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Uh... Mercedes and I, we broke up.
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- [high-pitched ringing]
- [distorted] We broke up. We broke up.
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[echoing] We broke up. We broke up.
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We broke up.
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♪ Yes, I know he's the one ♪
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♪ The one my heart has won... ♪
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Please welcome for the first time
as people in a marriage,
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Mr. and Mrs. Warren.
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[bystanders cheering]
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♪ You know it's been so long ♪
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♪ My heart is waiting here ♪
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I wanna be with you for, like,
forever and shit.
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Oh, Max, I... I wanna kiss you
for the rest of my life.
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God, I hope you practiced on your hand.
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[Abby] Oh, I have.
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I really have.
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♪ Each night I pray for you ♪
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♪ Before I... ♪
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[realtor] Sign here
for your house mortgage.
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♪ I pray the God above ♪
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- ♪ Will keep you safe for me ♪
- [crowd cheering]
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- ♪ Yes, I know... ♪
- [nurse] It's a girl.
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Congratulations.
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What should we name her?
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Mercedes?
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That's fucked up.
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♪ ...my heart has won ♪
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♪ Your love-- ♪
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Number 73.
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- [crickets chirping]
- [people chattering]
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Number 73.
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Sorry about you and Mercedes.
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Oh, it's cool.
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Thanks.
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Oh, uh, can I also get
a couple pints of...
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- "How's it going?"
- Oh! The other side.
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Two pints coming right up, Cherry Worms.
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[♪ slow, classical music playing]
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[♪ music warbles and stops]
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[Abby] Somewhere between
Cherry Worms and my driveway, reality hit.
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Even with Max being newly single,
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why would he ever choose me?
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In my sexual fantasy,
we never did anything
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because I've never done anything.
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I just needed a step
in the right direction.
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- [♪ "French Girl" by AXS Music playing]
- Shit.
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- I go to St. Bernadette's.
- [car horn honks]
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- [tires screech]
- [driver] Move!
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[Abby] A private,
Catholic rich-kid school
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where stuff like this is normal.
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[group grunting]
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[♪ "French Girl" continues playing]
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[students chattering]
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[student] Don't cry, Mercedes.
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[voice breaking]
I thought Max was the one.
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We were supposed to get married
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and have a baby and a house mortgage.
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[Mercedes crying]
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It's not fair. I'm pretty.
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[♪ "French Girl" continues]
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[Abby] At St. Bernadette's,
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every kid is named
after an apostle or a luxury brand.
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[teacher] Luke?
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Paul?
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Tiffany?
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Chanel? Max?
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[Abby] Max was different.
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If I wanted him,
I had to think outside the box.
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[student] Psst!
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[teacher] Gucci?
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Matthew?
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Hey. Pass it to Dior.
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[teacher] Dolce? John?
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[♪ "French Girl" continues]
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[Abby] At my school if you wanted
answers to life's questions,
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most pray to a bearded ghost-gentleman.
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I turn to a much more reliable
source of information.
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00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:49,082
Our school mascot,
the St. Bernard, AKA Bernie.
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People often forget there's a person
under all that costume.
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So he hears it all.
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[Bernie] So, you wanna get with Max
now that he's single.
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Tell me what you know.
128
00:05:58,708 --> 00:06:01,124
This wasn't the first time
I used the mascot
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for Max-related knowledge.
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00:06:03,125 --> 00:06:05,749
Max Warren. Tell me what you know.
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[7-year-old Bernie]
His Mom works at Bank of America.
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His Uncle, missing.
133
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No one's seen him since Lent.
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His Uncle gave up soda
and then he was gone.
135
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Do you think I have a chance?
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[7-year-old Bernie]
No.
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[♪ "French Girl" continues playing]
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- [player] Heads up!
- [ball thumps]
139
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I heard Mercedes might be moving.
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[Junior Bernie] She was, but then
Max convinced her father
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that St. Bernadette's would provide
a more faith-forward upbringing.
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Goddammit.
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- [player] Heads up!
- [ball thumps]
144
00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:39,332
I need to know how I can
get with Max before we graduate
145
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and potentially never
see each other again.
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00:06:40,916 --> 00:06:43,082
[players chattering]
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He's all I've ever wanted,
I'll do whatever it takes.
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[Bernie] And what is in it for moi?
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Um, I'm off sugar.
[quietly] I'm on Mounjaro.
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- Uh, I'll pay you money.
- [Bernie] Twenty dollars.
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00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,166
- Deal.
- [Bernie] Okay.
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- Locker room talk. What is he into?
- [cash register dings]
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Makin' out or--
or kissing or swappin' spit...
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[Bernie]
[scoffs] Max loves to 69.
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[cheerleaders chanting]
156
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Huh?
157
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[Bernie] Ask anyone,
Max is obsessed with six to the nine.
158
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[chuckles] That's all he ever
talks about with the boys.
159
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Definitely his favorite sexual position.
160
00:07:18,625 --> 00:07:20,749
But if kissing is more of your speed--
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Oh, no, no. I've... [scoffs] I...
162
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I've had my day in the bedroom department.
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I did assume he'd be
slightly more advanced
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in the bedroom department.
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I mean, he's been with Mercedes for years.
166
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That's a lot of time
in the... bedroom department.
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[Bernie] Girl, you gotta stop
calling it that.
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Look, you don't need to 69 Max,
169
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but if you decide to 69 Max,
you're his ho fo sho.
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I 69 Max...
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I'm his ho fo sho.
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[Bernie] Yeah, don't--
don't say that either.
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[Abby] That was the moment I knew
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I was going to do
whatever it took to get him.
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I was going to 69 Max Warren.
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Sexually.
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00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,875
[♪ upbeat marching band music playing]
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[♪ marching band music continues]
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00:08:29,541 --> 00:08:31,040
[♪ "69" by Todrick Hall playing]
180
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- ♪ When I walk in the room ♪
- ♪ What you do? ♪
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♪ I shut that motherfucker
down, down, down ♪
182
00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,540
- ♪ And when I bust out a move ♪
- ♪ Bust ♪
183
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♪ They motherfuckin' jaws
hit the ground, ground, ground ♪
184
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- ♪ I ain't got nothin' to prove ♪
- ♪ No ♪
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♪ They see me on the news
in my home town, town, town ♪
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♪ They couldn't keep a good girl down ♪
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♪ Bitch, look at me now, now, now ♪
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- ♪ I went from zero ♪
- ♪ Zero ♪
189
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- ♪ To sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
190
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:53,582
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
191
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:55,332
- ♪ When I walk in the club ♪
- ♪ What you do? ♪
192
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♪ I get them heads spinnin'
round, round, round ♪
193
00:08:57,750 --> 00:08:59,457
- ♪ I know they lookin' at us ♪
- ♪ Us ♪
194
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♪ Me and my girls we the talk
of the town, town, town ♪
195
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,665
- ♪ I'm feelin' so scandalous ♪
- ♪ Scandalous ♪
196
00:09:03,666 --> 00:09:05,749
♪ Everybody servin' booty
and a leg, leg, leg ♪
197
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:07,207
♪ The old me is dead, dead, dead ♪
198
00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:08,790
♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet, yet, yet ♪
199
00:09:08,791 --> 00:09:10,415
- ♪ I went from zero ♪
- ♪ Zero ♪
200
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:11,707
♪ To sixty-nine ♪
201
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:13,457
♪ Mind your business, I'll mind mine ♪
202
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:15,915
♪ Got six-inch heels to strut ♪
203
00:09:15,916 --> 00:09:17,832
♪ Nine inches to... ♪
204
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:18,915
♪ I'll sixty-nine ♪
205
00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:20,040
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
206
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:22,040
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
207
00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:23,124
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
208
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:25,582
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
209
00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:29,457
♪ Yeah, they call it a runway
but a bitch never run ♪
210
00:09:29,458 --> 00:09:33,457
♪ Yeah, I'm one in a million
I make millions just for one ♪
211
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:35,124
- [player] Heads up!
- Hey, Max--
212
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:37,082
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
213
00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:38,165
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
214
00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:40,082
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
215
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:41,499
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
216
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,040
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
217
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,125
[♪ song ends]
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00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,708
She lives.
219
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:52,374
Someone took a stroll
onto an active soccer field.
220
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:53,458
What's that about?
221
00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:56,707
Sometimes when I get anxious,
I nervous hallucinate.
222
00:09:56,708 --> 00:09:58,541
Oh, yeah, I've been there.
223
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:02,249
I used to hallucinate all the time
when I was your age.
224
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,125
But that's because I was
on an ungodly amount of LSD.
225
00:10:06,666 --> 00:10:07,915
Okay.
226
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:09,458
Off you go, my dear.
227
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:14,250
[chuckles]
228
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,666
I'll get to you in a minute.
229
00:10:19,375 --> 00:10:20,416
Jesus.
230
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:23,583
[♪ mellow music playing]
231
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,790
[skinny dweeb]
So I've been thinking on it.
232
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,332
What should we do for your birthday?
233
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:29,665
[goofy dweeb] My dad said
he wanted to hire a hooker for it.
234
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:31,415
Messed up, man.
235
00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:33,791
Your first time is about
intimacy, connection.
236
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,040
Me and Chloe, forget it.
237
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:37,500
- I wept after.
- Hm.
238
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,541
The one time I performed oral sex,
I was so emotional.
239
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:44,458
I haven't cried like
that since The Whale.
240
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:48,374
[Abby] It was official,
every person on earth
241
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,458
was more sexually experienced than me.
242
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,000
I needed guidance.
243
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,333
And that's when I saw where to get it.
244
00:10:57,418 --> 00:10:59,290
[♪ "I Got the Work" by Mega.
and Cat Gloss playing in club]
245
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,540
♪ Look at my tag, look at my bags... ♪
246
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:04,290
[Abby] I had no idea
what was about to happen
247
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,625
or how it would change my whole world,
248
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:09,165
but it did.
249
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,874
♪ I got the work, I got the work ♪
250
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,499
♪ I got the work for days ♪
251
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,790
♪ I got the work... ♪
252
00:11:13,791 --> 00:11:17,707
Alright, boys, show some love
to Rhinestone who works two jobs.
253
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,125
She's runnin' on fumes.
254
00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:20,790
She's runnin' out of gas,
255
00:11:20,791 --> 00:11:23,208
- but still showin' ass.
- [patrons clapping]
256
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:26,874
Guys, if you're a creep,
you're gonna get bounced.
257
00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:28,207
A reminder.
258
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:30,583
- [♪ hip-hop music playing]
- [patrons chattering]
259
00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:36,582
Ladies and gentlemen, comin' to the stage,
260
00:11:36,583 --> 00:11:38,374
a Diamond Doll's favorite.
261
00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:40,624
She is the muse of Syracuse.
262
00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,707
It's about to get erotica,
263
00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:46,040
give it up for Santa Monica.
264
00:11:46,041 --> 00:11:47,332
[patrons cheering and whooping]
265
00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:50,250
[♪ "Boys Wanna Be Her" by Peaches playing]
266
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,875
[cheering continues]
267
00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:06,082
Santa Monica! I'm your number one fan!
268
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:09,000
[♪ "Boys Wanna Be Her" continues playing]
269
00:12:14,291 --> 00:12:16,458
[cheering continues]
270
00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:20,249
♪ You've got them all by the balls ♪
271
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,249
♪ Causin' waterfalls,
stone walls, bar brawls ♪
272
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,207
♪ Common stalls that cause 'em all ♪
273
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:27,124
♪ To you, they crawl, body sprawl ♪
274
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:30,207
♪ Smokin' Pall Malls,
close call, stand tall ♪
275
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,958
♪ Doll, you make 'em feel so small... ♪
276
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:36,290
[Abby] The first time you see someone
that comfortable in their own skin,
277
00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,499
it's almost jarring.
278
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:42,290
Every part of me felt alive,
like I was on fire.
279
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:43,749
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
280
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,540
♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
281
00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,165
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
282
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,874
♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
283
00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:51,082
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
284
00:12:51,083 --> 00:12:53,083
♪ I wanna be her ♪
285
00:12:53,708 --> 00:12:54,832
♪ Yes, I do ♪
286
00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:56,916
♪
287
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:03,207
♪ Listen up, listen up, listen up ♪
288
00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:04,957
♪ Voices scatter, listen up... ♪
289
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,332
[Abby] And there she was.
290
00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,832
The answer to all my problems.
291
00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:12,041
I found my sexual fairy godmother
292
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,707
in a strip club.
293
00:13:13,708 --> 00:13:16,540
- ♪ Voices scatter ♪
- ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
294
00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:18,249
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
295
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,582
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
296
00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:21,624
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
297
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:22,957
- ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
- Whoo!
298
00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:25,082
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
299
00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:26,415
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
300
00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:28,082
- Yeah!
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
301
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,957
- ♪ Scatter ♪
- ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
302
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:32,124
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
303
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,540
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
304
00:13:33,541 --> 00:13:35,457
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
305
00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:36,665
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
306
00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:39,040
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
307
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,500
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
308
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:42,874
♪ Scatter ♪
309
00:13:42,875 --> 00:13:44,541
[patrons cheering]
310
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,166
♪ Scatter ♪
311
00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:50,333
- ♪ Scatter ♪
- Whoo!
312
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:53,915
- ♪ Scatter ♪
- You 18?
313
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,041
- [crickets chirping]
- [♪ muffled music thumping]
314
00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:59,833
Come on, I'm gonna be 18
in like 15 minutes.
315
00:14:00,416 --> 00:14:01,999
See you in 15.
316
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,582
[Abby groans]
317
00:14:03,583 --> 00:14:05,207
[traffic rushing by]
318
00:14:05,208 --> 00:14:07,207
[♪ muffled music continues]
319
00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:08,875
[crickets chirping]
320
00:14:09,541 --> 00:14:12,082
[sports announcer on radio]
There's two on, two out...
321
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:14,499
- [grease sizzling]
- [kitchen tools clanking]
322
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,040
[announcer on radio]
...has two outs.
323
00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:17,832
Running the way he's going,
where's the pitch...
324
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,540
[cook] What the fuck, mama?
Don't eat the food.
325
00:14:19,541 --> 00:14:21,832
[DJ Don] Let's hear it for Santa Monica!
326
00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:23,833
[DJ Don continues speaking indistinctly]
327
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,040
What do you mean it could be?
328
00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,041
It's nail polish.
329
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,124
But it could be lip gloss.
330
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:31,291
Look.
331
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,624
- Oh, no, that's burning. That's burning.
- [Destiny] Oh, my God.
332
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:37,915
Just worked my off for 82 bucks
and a stick of gum.
333
00:14:37,916 --> 00:14:39,540
Oh, babe, your phone's
been vibrating all night.
334
00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:40,624
- Mm-hmm.
- I almost sat on it.
335
00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:42,540
[Destiny] Yeah, it's been blowing up.
Who is he?
336
00:14:42,541 --> 00:14:45,790
It's this lame-ass thread
for my high school reunion.
337
00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:48,124
Ugh. Shut the fuck up, losers.
338
00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:49,999
Oh, my God, I hope you didn't text that.
339
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,749
[Angel] Oh, my God,
wait, that's so fun.
340
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:52,832
A high school reunion.
341
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,499
What are you gonna wear?
Who are you gonna do?
342
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,457
- [Santa Monica] Yeah, I'm not going.
- [Angel] What?
343
00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:59,082
Seriously, what do I have to
show for myself in the last 10 years?
344
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:01,540
Babe, so much gum.
345
00:15:01,541 --> 00:15:03,499
[Santa Monica] Oh, careful,
that is so wet.
346
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,582
So warm.
347
00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,082
- You know...
- It's like pre-chewed.
348
00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:07,707
...I didn't go to my high school reunion,
349
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,332
but it would've been weird if I did
'cause I didn't go to high school.
350
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,207
And yet you're
the smartest woman I know.
351
00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:14,374
Oh, my God, you gotta go out there
and meet other bitches.
352
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:15,790
- [Angel] You do.
- You really do.
353
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,290
- [light bulb sizzling]
- Oh, goddamn it!
354
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,915
- [Angel laughing]
- Seriously? No!
355
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:21,707
[Destiny] I thought I had
another week on that bulb.
356
00:15:21,708 --> 00:15:23,624
No you didn't, bitch.
A bet's a bet, pay up.
357
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:25,165
[Destiny] Do you know
how hard I worked for this?
358
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,874
Slammed my pussy up and down.
359
00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:28,332
I said, "Bow, bow, bow, bow."
360
00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:29,665
And I got $40.
361
00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:31,707
- Whoa!
- It was worth the vulva bruises.
362
00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:33,207
- Thanks, babe.
- It's not bruised.
363
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:34,708
- I'm tough.
- Oh yeah. That's a good one.
364
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:36,790
- Crispy! [chuckles]
- [Santa Monica sighs]
365
00:15:36,791 --> 00:15:39,874
God, you guys,
this place is falling apart.
366
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,540
Seriously, it looks like
we don't give a shit.
367
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,082
How long has that hole been there?
368
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:44,165
Excuse me?
369
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,875
She has a name.
370
00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:49,207
Honestly, I'm surprised we didn't get
shut down when that guy had a seizure.
371
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,415
Ned? No, babe, Ned's fine.
372
00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:52,665
[Destiny] Yeah, he's fine.
373
00:15:52,666 --> 00:15:53,957
Yeah, on this stretcher he was like,
374
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:55,665
"Best night of my life. Destiny!"
375
00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:58,415
Yeah, he spends his disability check
on me every week.
376
00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,915
[Destiny] Ned's fine,
he's absolutely fine.
377
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:01,207
I gave a guy a seizure once.
378
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,249
Oh, my God! Jesus Christ!
379
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,833
Betty, you scared the shit out of us!
380
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,207
That's how I got my name.
381
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,207
You know, when I was your age
I was Betty Wetty,
382
00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:12,665
because I made
all the fellas soak their pants.
383
00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:15,874
- [Angel chuckles]
- And then one day, I got hired to strip
384
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,249
for the infamous Tony Scarpuccio.
385
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,165
[gasps] The guy from The Sopranos?
386
00:16:20,166 --> 00:16:23,165
Better. He owns
Little Tony's Meatballs downtown.
387
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:24,332
Oh, that is better.
388
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:26,999
Anyway, Tony was going to town
on some spaghetti
389
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,582
when I was doin' my routine.
390
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,457
And I went down to the ground
391
00:16:30,458 --> 00:16:33,415
and I split my underpants
right down the middle.
392
00:16:33,416 --> 00:16:35,125
I mean, bean to tangerine.
393
00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:38,541
And right at that moment, he seized.
394
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,291
And ever since then
I've been Betty Spaghetti.
395
00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:45,499
How is this the first time
396
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:46,874
- we're hearing this story?
- Yeah?
397
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,374
Oh, shit. I should have
started with this first.
398
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,624
It's why I came in here.
399
00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:54,540
Okay, well, I'm deeply,
deeply, deeply in debt
400
00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:55,790
and we're losin' the club.
401
00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:58,207
- [all] What?
- [Betty Spaghetti] I'm sorry, tootsies.
402
00:16:58,208 --> 00:17:00,040
I'm one of the best strippers
in the world,
403
00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:01,291
but I am terrible at math.
404
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:03,832
Did you know that businesses
405
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:06,457
are supposed to
file their taxes every year?
406
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:07,790
- Yes.
- Yes.
407
00:17:07,791 --> 00:17:09,457
Yeah.
408
00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:10,750
Well, fuck me.
409
00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,499
Oh, my God, we can't lose the club!
410
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,915
I tried takin' out a loan,
but unless I pay it by next weekend...
411
00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,125
[Angel] Wait, what?
412
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:21,000
What'll happen?
413
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,040
She'll lose the club.
414
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,540
She'll lose the club?
415
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:25,874
Are you even listening?
416
00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:28,124
[scoffs] Right?
417
00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,624
Anyhoo, I just wanted to tell you guys
418
00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:33,915
so you could start lookin' for a place
to shake what the Lord gave ya.
419
00:17:33,916 --> 00:17:36,875
And... and I give you my blessing.
420
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:40,750
What? No, no, we can't just give up.
421
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,957
Destiny, when your job
didn't give you health insurance, who did?
422
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:46,665
- Diamond Dolls.
- Angel.
423
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,458
When your stepdad kicked you out,
where did you go?
424
00:17:48,916 --> 00:17:49,915
Diamond Dolls.
425
00:17:49,916 --> 00:17:51,915
Where do we spend every Thanksgiving?
426
00:17:51,916 --> 00:17:53,624
Diamond-goddamn-Dolls.
427
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,291
Guys, this is our Cheers.
428
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,458
Where everybody knows your nips.
429
00:17:58,583 --> 00:17:59,625
How much?
430
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:01,999
Me?
431
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,915
My ears are for shit,
you gotta talk louder.
432
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,790
How much is the loan, Betty?
433
00:18:05,791 --> 00:18:08,125
- Oh, twenty grand.
- Twenty grand? Fuck.
434
00:18:08,958 --> 00:18:09,958
One week?
435
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,666
We c-- we can do that, right?
436
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,790
Uh, we could try OnlyFans.
437
00:18:15,791 --> 00:18:17,415
No, I'm banned, dammit.
438
00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,249
I'm banned from Facebook.
439
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:20,958
I don't even wanna ask about that.
440
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:22,707
It was bad.
441
00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:27,124
Look, book me on any house calls
and I'll work overtime.
442
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,124
I mean, there's gotta be a way
to bring in the money, right?
443
00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:32,291
[DJ Don] Please welcome
the dish you cannot resist,
444
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:33,749
Betty Spaghetti.
445
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:35,666
Well, we need a miracle.
446
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,583
But luckily, I'm surrounded by angels.
447
00:18:39,708 --> 00:18:41,000
[♪ music thumping in distance]
448
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,249
- [door opens]
- [patrons cheering]
449
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,666
I mean, there's gotta be some rich freak
who will pay for my time, right?
450
00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:50,540
Who will be the lucky guy?
451
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:51,957
[cheering continues]
452
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:54,040
- [video game character] Horse guts!
- [horse neighing, grunts]
453
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,208
[Abby] Alright, let me
take some comments here.
454
00:18:56,458 --> 00:19:00,915
Uh, Brainsbrainsbrains says,
"Hi, Abby-Cadaver, huge fan."
455
00:19:00,916 --> 00:19:02,374
Thank you.
456
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:05,790
"Heard there was a secret room
in Wyatt's Saloon?"
457
00:19:05,791 --> 00:19:09,874
- [♪ spooky music plays on game]
- Yes. If you go up the staircase,
458
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:12,207
locate the pregnant saloon girl zombie...
459
00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:13,957
There she is.
460
00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:15,249
...rip out her fetus.
461
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,457
- [character growls]
- [indistinct chatter on game]
462
00:19:17,458 --> 00:19:20,374
...lasso the umbilical cord
around the chandelier,
463
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:22,957
swing, and you're in.
464
00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:24,916
[cash register dinging]
465
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,082
[chuckles] Okay, I'm signing off for now.
466
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,040
Thank you so much for subscribing.
467
00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:31,707
I'm so grateful for the tips.
468
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,833
So, until tomorrow, good-die.
469
00:19:35,583 --> 00:19:36,583
[key clacks]
470
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:39,500
Whew.
471
00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:42,874
[key clacks]
472
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:45,000
- Honey, we're about to leave.
- [knock on door]
473
00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:48,249
Are you sure you don't wanna
spend your birthday with us?
474
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:50,082
Moving my grandma into a home?
475
00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:52,832
- Pass.
- Okay, okay.
476
00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:55,332
Well, happy early birthday.
477
00:19:55,333 --> 00:20:00,207
- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Oh, awesome! Thanks.
478
00:20:00,208 --> 00:20:02,957
Now this doesn't mean you should
spend your whole birthday on Glitch.
479
00:20:02,958 --> 00:20:04,166
There's some more at the bottom.
480
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:06,083
Huh.
481
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,415
- [chuckles] Yeah.
- I know it's not a car,
482
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,332
but we're very proud of you
for working so hard
483
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,665
to save up for one on your own.
484
00:20:11,666 --> 00:20:12,749
Thanks, Dad.
485
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,750
Until then, Mom's Volvo has a full tank.
486
00:20:15,041 --> 00:20:16,832
No, I should just take your car.
487
00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:18,499
Absolutely not.
488
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,582
Oh, and Abby, don't be mad,
but I asked the Cruz's daughter Lily Rose
489
00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:22,874
to stop by at some point.
490
00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:25,207
She's been helping me in my CPR class.
491
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:27,499
Just try. Maybe you'll make a friend.
492
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,624
- Lyft's leaving, hon.
- [Margaret] We'll miss you.
493
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:30,707
Have fun.
494
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:32,874
You're still young, throw a party.
495
00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:34,749
But don't forget to put away Lola's china.
496
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:36,165
She's had that since the war.
497
00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:37,832
[Ron Flores] Margaret,
she's not throwing a party.
498
00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,749
Be nice to Lily Rose.
499
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,124
Love you.
500
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:42,208
Ingat.
501
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,249
Now, be careful, do not answer this door.
502
00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,290
- Whatever-- Stranger danger.
- Okay, okay. Bye, kiddo.
503
00:20:46,291 --> 00:20:48,333
[Margaret] Oh, I'm gonna cry in the Lyft.
504
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,499
[sighs deeply]
505
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,916
Operation 69 Max, commence.
506
00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:57,332
[line ringing]
507
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,165
[♪ mischievous music playing]
508
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,332
- [telephone rings]
- [coughs]
509
00:21:01,333 --> 00:21:03,624
[coughing, wheezing over phone]
510
00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:07,207
Diamond Dolls, where the girls are...
511
00:21:07,208 --> 00:21:08,582
I dunno. I can't remember.
512
00:21:08,583 --> 00:21:11,250
[in deep voice] Hello. I am a guy.
513
00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:13,374
Obviously.
514
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:15,832
[over phone]
Looking for a dancer named Santa Monica
515
00:21:15,833 --> 00:21:19,207
to come to my home this evening
516
00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:21,624
for a respectful dance.
517
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:23,707
- [quietly] Jesus.
- [Abby] Is eight o'clock sharp okay?
518
00:21:23,708 --> 00:21:25,666
[loud rustling over phone]
519
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,457
Okay, so it's cash only,
520
00:21:27,458 --> 00:21:29,707
and it's a hundred an hour,
three hours minimum.
521
00:21:29,708 --> 00:21:33,000
That's about five hundred, I think.
522
00:21:33,666 --> 00:21:34,915
And you better tip 'em.
523
00:21:34,916 --> 00:21:36,165
Not an issue.
524
00:21:36,166 --> 00:21:39,249
I, uh... work in bonds.
525
00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:41,457
And I sell Jet Skis.
526
00:21:41,458 --> 00:21:43,499
Oh, fancy, okay.
527
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,458
What's your address, big shot?
528
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:46,832
[quietly] Yes!
529
00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:48,165
[over phone] Write this down, babe.
530
00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:49,290
- 402...
- Yeah.
531
00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:50,624
...Berry Avenue.
532
00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:51,999
That's A-V--
533
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,750
Yeah, I know how to spell "avenue."
534
00:21:54,708 --> 00:21:56,957
Alexi, play "sexy-time" songs.
535
00:21:56,958 --> 00:22:00,040
- [Alexi] Now playing Taxi theme song.
- [♪ "Taxi" theme playing]
536
00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:01,915
No, Alexi, play...
537
00:22:01,916 --> 00:22:03,625
[♪ music continues]
538
00:22:04,708 --> 00:22:07,375
[♪ music crescendos]
539
00:22:24,916 --> 00:22:26,958
♪
540
00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,500
[keypad beeping]
541
00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:36,583
[♪ "Taxi" theme continues playing]
542
00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:40,750
[crickets chirping]
543
00:22:42,166 --> 00:22:45,000
♪
544
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,916
[fire crackling sound]
545
00:22:50,666 --> 00:22:52,666
♪
546
00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:00,083
[knock on door]
547
00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:03,666
[sing-song]
♪ Hello? ♪
548
00:23:05,458 --> 00:23:07,499
Is anybody home?
549
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:09,874
[♪ music continues softly playing]
550
00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:11,541
And horny?
551
00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:14,791
[sing-song]
♪ Yoo-hoo ♪
552
00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:17,291
Is anybody home?
553
00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:21,457
Ooh. Well, well, well,
554
00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:24,499
What do we have here?
555
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,291
Ooh, a little shy guy.
556
00:23:27,583 --> 00:23:29,791
Naughty, naughty.
557
00:23:31,625 --> 00:23:34,207
Would it have killed you
to meet me at the door?
558
00:23:34,208 --> 00:23:35,333
[gasps]
559
00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,124
[screams] Oh, my God!
560
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,207
Oh, my God!
561
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:39,374
Oh, my God, he's dead.
562
00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:41,040
- Truffle almond?
- [screaming]
563
00:23:41,041 --> 00:23:42,749
- [spraying]
- [screaming]
564
00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:43,833
[water running]
565
00:23:46,375 --> 00:23:48,791
[winces]
566
00:23:50,041 --> 00:23:51,041
Talk.
567
00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:54,374
Oh, um, th-- there's this guy Max
568
00:23:54,375 --> 00:23:56,082
and he's always been
with this girl Mercedes--
569
00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:57,165
Shorter version.
570
00:23:57,166 --> 00:24:00,082
I love Max. He's finally single.
571
00:24:00,083 --> 00:24:01,665
Okay, where am I in the story?
572
00:24:01,666 --> 00:24:03,915
Why am I in a basic-ass kitchen?
573
00:24:03,916 --> 00:24:06,708
I want to pay you
to teach me how to 69 Max.
574
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,957
Okay, slightly more details?
575
00:24:09,958 --> 00:24:12,207
Last night I saw you at Diamond Dolls
576
00:24:12,208 --> 00:24:14,500
and you were dancing
and you lit up the room.
577
00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:16,790
Okay, go on.
578
00:24:16,791 --> 00:24:18,040
I've never seen anything like it.
579
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:21,083
You literally owned every guy in there.
580
00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:24,583
Uh, I've never even
remotely had what you have.
581
00:24:26,083 --> 00:24:27,790
Well, this I buy.
[sniffing]
582
00:24:27,791 --> 00:24:30,332
[Abby] So, I figured
583
00:24:30,333 --> 00:24:32,750
if I could get you to be my coach,
teach me things,
584
00:24:33,458 --> 00:24:35,583
then I'd get what I have always wanted.
585
00:24:36,666 --> 00:24:37,916
Max.
586
00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:41,290
Okay. Um, I'll coach you right now.
587
00:24:41,291 --> 00:24:43,999
That speech was boring, weird,
and also boring.
588
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,540
You don't have enough money to pay me
to listen to more of them.
589
00:24:46,541 --> 00:24:50,082
So, I will take my payment, plus tip,
590
00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:52,874
and if you're selling
any of those, like, chocolate bars
591
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,666
for your high school,
I'll take one of those.
592
00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:56,582
[Abby] I'm not selling chocolate bars.
593
00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:58,750
Aren't you little shits
always selling chocolate bars?
594
00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:01,165
It's a common misconception.
595
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:03,999
- Ugh.
- I'm-- I'm telling you I need your help.
596
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,874
[Santa Monica] Don't you have, like,
a sister or a girlfriend or something?
597
00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:10,165
Ask her. Not some
hot stripper you catfished.
598
00:25:10,166 --> 00:25:11,875
No, I don't have someone. I...
599
00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:13,999
One week, that's all I need.
600
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,082
I can pay you.
601
00:25:15,083 --> 00:25:17,915
In What? Pez dispensers? I'm good.
602
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,749
I mean, I have $5,000 right here.
603
00:25:20,750 --> 00:25:22,332
I'm telling you I'm rich.
604
00:25:22,333 --> 00:25:24,208
[♪ intriguing piano music playing]
605
00:25:31,375 --> 00:25:32,750
Holy shit, you are.
606
00:25:33,791 --> 00:25:36,415
What, do you have like
a lemonade stand chain?
607
00:25:36,416 --> 00:25:39,040
People pay to watch me
play games on Glitch.
608
00:25:39,041 --> 00:25:40,624
I'm like really good at it.
609
00:25:40,625 --> 00:25:42,999
Oh, cool. Where the fuck are your parents?
610
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,500
Out of town for the week.
611
00:25:45,375 --> 00:25:46,457
[sighs]
612
00:25:46,458 --> 00:25:48,833
Come on, name your price.
613
00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:50,624
I'm telling you, I'm rich.
614
00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:52,290
Twenty thousand dollars.
615
00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:54,582
[chuckles awkwardly] What?
616
00:25:54,583 --> 00:25:56,332
I'll do it for 20,000.
617
00:25:56,333 --> 00:25:57,582
A week with me
618
00:25:57,583 --> 00:25:59,499
and I'll teach you
everything you need to know
619
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:02,540
to pull off a facade of confidence.
620
00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:04,124
I'd rather it not be a facade.
621
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:07,207
Five thousand dollars is the deposit
and the rest by Saturday
622
00:26:07,208 --> 00:26:10,624
and you've got yourself
a little sex coach.
623
00:26:10,625 --> 00:26:13,374
Can you please stop
thrusting your crotch?
624
00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:15,500
What, you don't like a little sex coach?
625
00:26:16,083 --> 00:26:17,415
[Abby] I had to think fast.
626
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:22,166
Spend every dime I had getting with Max
or get my dream car. Uh...
627
00:26:27,041 --> 00:26:28,332
Ah, fuck it.
628
00:26:28,333 --> 00:26:29,458
Let's do it.
629
00:26:31,666 --> 00:26:33,249
Oh, I thought I said that out loud.
630
00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:34,874
Let's do it.
631
00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:37,708
- [♪ electronic music playing]
- [patrons whooping and chattering]
632
00:26:44,333 --> 00:26:45,458
[bald man] Santa Monica.
633
00:26:46,250 --> 00:26:48,707
Treat your number one fan
to a lap dance, will you?
634
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:51,540
Oh, how'd you know I charge 10 bucks
for an ass pinch, perv?
635
00:26:51,541 --> 00:26:52,874
[♪ electronic music continues]
636
00:26:52,875 --> 00:26:53,957
[Destiny] Santi?
637
00:26:53,958 --> 00:26:56,040
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Baby, wait. What are you doing?
638
00:26:56,041 --> 00:26:58,416
Uh-uh-uh-uh. What are you doing here?
You don't work today.
639
00:26:59,500 --> 00:27:01,040
- Oh, shit going down.
- [Angel] Uh-huh.
640
00:27:01,041 --> 00:27:02,207
- Shit-- Go, go, go.
- We're coming.
641
00:27:02,208 --> 00:27:03,291
- On the way.
- But not too fast.
642
00:27:07,458 --> 00:27:08,457
What's that, Santi?
643
00:27:08,458 --> 00:27:11,291
Five thousand dollars plus a sweaty 10.
644
00:27:11,875 --> 00:27:14,749
I think I can make you enough money
to save the club in time.
645
00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:16,499
If I got you the 20 grand,
646
00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:19,290
would you consider letting me
co-own Diamond Dolls?
647
00:27:19,291 --> 00:27:22,250
- [♪ muffled music playing]
- [patrons chattering]
648
00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:27,332
Baby... I can't keep running this show.
649
00:27:27,333 --> 00:27:28,583
You can have the whole thing.
650
00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:30,749
As long as I can still hang around
651
00:27:30,750 --> 00:27:34,291
and shake my bra biscuits
for another 60 years.
652
00:27:35,041 --> 00:27:36,957
Wait, you wanna be a stripper at 110?
653
00:27:36,958 --> 00:27:38,791
I told ya I'm not good with math.
654
00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:41,499
We got a deal?
655
00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:42,791
It's a deal.
656
00:27:44,458 --> 00:27:46,207
Now quit smoking in my office.
657
00:27:46,208 --> 00:27:48,083
Ha-ha! Thattagirl.
658
00:27:48,916 --> 00:27:51,124
- [all screaming]
- [feet stomping]
659
00:27:51,125 --> 00:27:53,083
[Abby snoring]
660
00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:02,791
[car horn honking]
661
00:28:03,375 --> 00:28:04,458
[softly] What?
662
00:28:04,833 --> 00:28:06,500
[honking continues]
663
00:28:06,958 --> 00:28:08,665
[loud honking]
664
00:28:08,666 --> 00:28:10,708
[♪ gentle music playing]
665
00:28:13,250 --> 00:28:14,832
Do you wanna come in? Or...
666
00:28:14,833 --> 00:28:16,749
[horn blares]
667
00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:17,833
Okay.
668
00:28:19,875 --> 00:28:21,125
[slurping]
669
00:28:21,916 --> 00:28:23,207
[bird cawing]
670
00:28:23,208 --> 00:28:25,165
- Cool car.
- It's a piece of shit.
671
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:26,375
Totally.
672
00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:29,165
How'd you sleep?
673
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:30,832
Alright, rule number one,
674
00:28:30,833 --> 00:28:31,999
no small talk.
675
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,832
You say something interesting
or nothing at all.
676
00:28:34,833 --> 00:28:37,041
- [bird cawing]
- [slurping]
677
00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:40,833
Did you know worms
are the only animals that 69?
678
00:28:41,916 --> 00:28:44,457
What the fuck am I
supposed to do with that?
679
00:28:44,458 --> 00:28:46,790
Alright, rule number two,
we stick to the lessons.
680
00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:49,207
Everything we discuss will be a lesson.
681
00:28:49,208 --> 00:28:51,457
There's no, like, "hanging out"
682
00:28:51,458 --> 00:28:53,082
because you've hired me to teach you.
683
00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:54,790
And teachers don't hang out
with their students
684
00:28:54,791 --> 00:28:57,207
unless they're fucking, which we're not.
[slurping]
685
00:28:57,208 --> 00:28:59,165
I'm sorry, I didn't know
what time we were starting today.
686
00:28:59,166 --> 00:29:01,041
I forgot to brush my teeth.
687
00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:04,082
[Santa Monica] Rule number three,
688
00:29:04,083 --> 00:29:06,833
I get my payment of $20,000 by Saturday.
689
00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:09,290
Happy to be in business with you.
690
00:29:09,291 --> 00:29:10,833
Oh, my God, that breath isn't.
691
00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:14,291
- Did you like eat a poo for dinner?
- [Abby] No.
692
00:29:14,708 --> 00:29:17,541
Alright, lesson one, get out.
693
00:29:21,291 --> 00:29:24,125
Hey, you're going for a walk.
694
00:29:25,416 --> 00:29:28,500
[♪ funky upbeat music playing]
695
00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:33,875
I don't hear you.
696
00:29:34,708 --> 00:29:36,457
How is this supposed
to help me get with Max?
697
00:29:36,458 --> 00:29:37,625
We're building your confidence.
698
00:29:38,625 --> 00:29:41,124
- Ahh!
- Jesus. Are your ankles drunk?
699
00:29:41,125 --> 00:29:44,499
Did you have a piña colada
while you ate shit for dinner?
700
00:29:44,500 --> 00:29:46,165
Come on. I have never worn heels before.
701
00:29:46,166 --> 00:29:48,165
Alright, now come on! Let's hear it.
702
00:29:48,166 --> 00:29:50,208
Are you saying it?
'Cause I can't hear you.
703
00:29:51,708 --> 00:29:53,458
I am a s-sex machine.
704
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,124
What, you think you're a sex machine?
705
00:29:56,125 --> 00:29:57,500
[scoffs] I don't think so.
706
00:29:58,958 --> 00:30:01,040
I am a-- a sex machine.
707
00:30:01,041 --> 00:30:03,333
No, let's hear it. Who are you?
708
00:30:03,916 --> 00:30:05,540
I am a sex machine.
709
00:30:05,541 --> 00:30:07,416
Don't tell me, tell Max.
710
00:30:08,291 --> 00:30:09,457
♪
711
00:30:09,458 --> 00:30:10,875
[breathes deeply]
712
00:30:11,625 --> 00:30:13,624
[shouting] I am a sex machine!
713
00:30:13,625 --> 00:30:15,624
Yes, bitch, there she is!
714
00:30:15,625 --> 00:30:16,707
There she is.
715
00:30:16,708 --> 00:30:18,375
Now Tell Max what you do.
716
00:30:18,833 --> 00:30:22,958
I am a machine that gives you sex.
717
00:30:23,666 --> 00:30:24,999
[Santa Monica] Okay, what else?
718
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,707
Uh, I was made in a horny lab
719
00:30:28,708 --> 00:30:31,790
by dirty scientists.
720
00:30:31,791 --> 00:30:35,499
They all got so turned on
they started kissing each other.
721
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,415
And you made it weird.
722
00:30:37,416 --> 00:30:38,624
Coffee break.
723
00:30:38,625 --> 00:30:40,666
- [tires screeching]
- Oh, there's a really great spot...
724
00:30:42,583 --> 00:30:44,582
Alright, lesson two.
725
00:30:44,583 --> 00:30:46,124
We're gonna assess your knowledge.
726
00:30:46,125 --> 00:30:48,499
So, let's start with what you know.
727
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:52,499
Okay, well, I know about
hand jobs and blow jobs.
728
00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:55,207
I've heard of rim jobs.
729
00:30:55,208 --> 00:30:57,832
I'm-- I think I can guess
what those are though.
730
00:30:57,833 --> 00:30:59,165
Oh, cool.
731
00:30:59,166 --> 00:31:01,790
I'm dying to know
what you think a rim job is.
732
00:31:01,791 --> 00:31:05,165
Is it when a guy puts his hands
on the rim of your boobs
733
00:31:05,166 --> 00:31:07,290
and goes "e-ooh-e-ooh"?
734
00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:08,665
So we're starting at zero.
735
00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:09,958
Correct.
736
00:31:10,208 --> 00:31:12,375
I mean, have you ever watched porn?
737
00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:14,541
...ography?
738
00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:16,832
Alright, that's a no.
739
00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:18,749
What about a sexy movie?
740
00:31:18,750 --> 00:31:21,707
[Abby] Oh, yeah, I've seen like
a ton of romantic movies,
741
00:31:21,708 --> 00:31:24,082
but they always cut away
before they get to the 69.
742
00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:25,290
Okay.
743
00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:27,332
Although, I do know what a...
744
00:31:27,333 --> 00:31:28,790
[whispering] uh, penis
745
00:31:28,791 --> 00:31:29,874
[normal] feels like.
746
00:31:29,875 --> 00:31:31,083
[softly] Penis?
747
00:31:31,750 --> 00:31:33,249
[softly] Penis.
748
00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:34,624
Why are you afraid to say penis?
749
00:31:34,625 --> 00:31:36,166
No one is home.
750
00:31:36,958 --> 00:31:38,624
- Okay.
- Penis.
751
00:31:38,625 --> 00:31:39,833
Penis.
752
00:31:40,291 --> 00:31:41,957
[both chuckle]
753
00:31:41,958 --> 00:31:43,874
How have you felt a penis?
754
00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:45,582
Someone told me
that if you put your finger
755
00:31:45,583 --> 00:31:48,500
on your eyelid, it feels like a penis.
756
00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,624
Yeah, like, go like this and then you...
757
00:31:52,625 --> 00:31:54,082
Huh.
758
00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:55,291
Wait, it does actually.
759
00:31:55,958 --> 00:31:57,165
- Not no.
- Right?
760
00:31:57,166 --> 00:31:58,250
[Santa Monica] Yeah.
761
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,375
Okay, one point for Griffindork.
762
00:32:01,958 --> 00:32:03,499
Okay, you don't have to jerk it off.
763
00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:04,625
Oh, sorry.
764
00:32:05,958 --> 00:32:08,124
So, you're doing all this for some guy?
765
00:32:08,125 --> 00:32:11,499
Not that I'm complaining,
but, like, why this guy?
766
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:14,583
- What do you mean?
- Like, why is he the one?
767
00:32:15,333 --> 00:32:16,874
I mean, a million reasons.
768
00:32:16,875 --> 00:32:19,249
Um, he's Max Warren.
769
00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:22,874
He's super hot
and he, like, he plays soccer.
770
00:32:22,875 --> 00:32:25,000
Oh, and he has such great hair.
771
00:32:25,958 --> 00:32:28,457
You're spending $20,000
to get with a guy
772
00:32:28,458 --> 00:32:30,250
because his hair is good?
773
00:32:31,041 --> 00:32:32,666
Did you have a crush
when you were my age?
774
00:32:33,833 --> 00:32:35,332
Jean-Paul Giordano.
775
00:32:35,333 --> 00:32:37,375
Hmm. What did you know about him?
776
00:32:37,916 --> 00:32:39,582
He was obsessed with Disney World
777
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,499
and his brother drowned in a pool.
778
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:42,582
[Abby] Jesus.
779
00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:43,874
[Santa Monica] Alright, homework.
780
00:32:43,875 --> 00:32:46,333
Deep dive Max's Instagram.
Find out more about him.
781
00:32:47,458 --> 00:32:48,875
- [car engine starts]
- Okay.
782
00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:51,082
[Abby] Thanks for the day.
783
00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,957
- When am I gonna see you again?
- [tires screeching]
784
00:32:52,958 --> 00:32:54,083
She's gone.
785
00:32:55,166 --> 00:32:57,875
[♪ soft music playing]
786
00:32:59,625 --> 00:33:00,625
[sighs]
787
00:33:05,833 --> 00:33:07,500
I am a sex machine.
788
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,000
Eh...
789
00:33:10,250 --> 00:33:11,458
[cell phone chimes]
790
00:33:20,291 --> 00:33:22,375
[♪ soft music continues]
791
00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:30,750
[screenshot clicks]
792
00:33:42,583 --> 00:33:43,749
Hey, y'all, I just wanted to thank
793
00:33:43,750 --> 00:33:46,665
the Syracuse Police Department
for finding my Uncle Frank.
794
00:33:46,666 --> 00:33:49,875
They say cold cases stay cold,
but not in New York, right, Mom?
795
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:52,500
Bye, y'all.
796
00:33:53,666 --> 00:33:56,125
[♪ soft music continues]
797
00:33:57,750 --> 00:33:58,750
[sighs]
798
00:34:05,583 --> 00:34:06,666
Oh.
799
00:34:10,083 --> 00:34:11,125
[scoffs]
800
00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:12,916
Come on.
801
00:34:14,958 --> 00:34:16,875
Just-- [sighs] Forget it.
802
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,708
I'll just think about it.
803
00:34:20,211 --> 00:34:22,000
[♪ upbeat music playing]
804
00:34:22,958 --> 00:34:24,166
- Hey.
- Hey.
805
00:34:25,041 --> 00:34:26,915
[people chattering]
806
00:34:26,916 --> 00:34:29,208
[Rick Richards] Listen. Betty, you'd be
making a huge mistake.
807
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,374
Diamond Dolls is gonna go under.
808
00:34:31,375 --> 00:34:34,416
Now, look, if--
if you give the club to me,
809
00:34:35,041 --> 00:34:37,041
your legacy, it gets to go on.
810
00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:39,374
I just don't know
why you're not saying yes.
811
00:34:39,375 --> 00:34:40,582
Are you on your period?
812
00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:44,457
- What the hell?
- Hola. Rick Richards.
813
00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:47,332
Yeah, a name so nice,
your folks named you Dickhead twice.
814
00:34:47,333 --> 00:34:48,749
[laughing]
815
00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,124
Well, two Dicks are better than one.
816
00:34:50,125 --> 00:34:51,540
I'm sure you'd agree.
817
00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:52,791
Uh, wait a second.
818
00:34:53,583 --> 00:34:54,583
Santa Monica, right?
819
00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:57,790
Oh, my God.
I almost didn't recognize you.
820
00:34:57,791 --> 00:35:00,290
It has been years
since you auditioned for me.
821
00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:02,833
You've... really aged.
822
00:35:03,375 --> 00:35:04,665
Yeah, I remember you.
823
00:35:04,666 --> 00:35:07,624
I was 18 and you asked me
to audition without my underpants.
824
00:35:07,625 --> 00:35:11,083
Well, only a sucker buys a used car
without looking under the hood.
825
00:35:11,791 --> 00:35:13,665
And by used car, I mean stripper,
826
00:35:13,666 --> 00:35:17,124
and looking under the hood,
I mean looking at your vagina.
827
00:35:17,125 --> 00:35:18,749
- [Santa Monica] Yeah, I-- we got it.
- [Rick] Okay.
828
00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:20,165
- Just for clarity.
- [Santa Monica] Mm-hmm.
829
00:35:20,166 --> 00:35:21,833
I like to check the slits.
830
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,540
Okay, what is this
shit-slime doing here?
831
00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:28,791
Well, The Old Spaghetti Factory over here
owes me some dinero.
832
00:35:31,208 --> 00:35:33,665
What? Betty!
I thought you owed the bank.
833
00:35:33,666 --> 00:35:36,165
Sorry, doll. They couldn't help me, okay?
834
00:35:36,166 --> 00:35:38,249
[Rick] Yeah, it's a shame.
835
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,207
And if she can't pay,
I'll be your new boss.
836
00:35:40,208 --> 00:35:41,957
Although we might have
to lose some of the uglies.
837
00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:43,832
You know which ones I'm talking about.
838
00:35:43,833 --> 00:35:45,250
But don't worry, I'm a great boss.
839
00:35:45,791 --> 00:35:47,332
I have a very hands-on approach.
840
00:35:47,333 --> 00:35:49,790
So if anyone's taking over
this establishment,
841
00:35:49,791 --> 00:35:51,749
it should be someone
who knows how to run a club.
842
00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:52,832
Wouldn't you agree?
843
00:35:52,833 --> 00:35:54,624
Someone who knows how to work the girls.
844
00:35:54,625 --> 00:35:58,250
Someone with
a college education, comprende?
845
00:35:58,875 --> 00:35:59,957
What's with the Spanish?
846
00:35:59,958 --> 00:36:01,915
Trying to learn
a new language every week.
847
00:36:01,916 --> 00:36:04,041
My little girl got me
Duolingo for my birthday.
848
00:36:04,708 --> 00:36:05,958
You have a daughter?
849
00:36:06,666 --> 00:36:08,749
No, I'm talking about my bitch.
850
00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:10,790
Listen, I'm taking over the club
851
00:36:10,791 --> 00:36:13,082
so you can hasta la vista, baby.
852
00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:14,499
I'll have your money next week.
853
00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,874
I don't know what you said.
854
00:36:15,875 --> 00:36:18,582
I haven't gotten that far in the course,
but I will tell you this.
855
00:36:18,583 --> 00:36:19,832
If you don't have the money,
856
00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:22,540
if, uh, Santa Monica should be washed away
857
00:36:22,541 --> 00:36:25,750
by a tidal wave of El Niño.
858
00:36:26,208 --> 00:36:28,665
Then you have my card, Betty.
859
00:36:28,666 --> 00:36:31,374
And I'll be back next weekend
to collect the keys.
860
00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:33,041
Talk then, Spaghettio.
861
00:36:34,166 --> 00:36:36,416
Oh, and, uh...
862
00:36:38,041 --> 00:36:40,749
when I do take over,
I am gonna need to see you audition again,
863
00:36:40,750 --> 00:36:43,500
but no costume this time.
864
00:36:44,166 --> 00:36:45,500
Capiche?
865
00:36:46,625 --> 00:36:47,707
That's Italian.
866
00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:48,790
Nah-uh.
867
00:36:48,791 --> 00:36:50,333
[Santa Monica] Yeah-huh, look it up.
868
00:36:52,458 --> 00:36:53,458
Whatever.
869
00:36:54,333 --> 00:36:56,332
Duolingo has over 40 language courses.
870
00:36:56,333 --> 00:36:57,790
Duolin-go fuck yourself.
871
00:36:57,791 --> 00:36:59,457
Oh, nice mouth on this one, Betty.
872
00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:01,374
What the hell, Betty?!
873
00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:02,540
Rick Richards?
874
00:37:02,541 --> 00:37:04,249
He can't take over
Diamond Dolls, he can't!
875
00:37:04,250 --> 00:37:05,540
I don't want him to, honey.
876
00:37:05,541 --> 00:37:07,874
But if you can't raise
that money by next weekend,
877
00:37:07,875 --> 00:37:09,000
we are fucked.
878
00:37:09,541 --> 00:37:10,625
I'll get you the money.
879
00:37:12,916 --> 00:37:15,332
- [school bell ringing]
- [students chattering]
880
00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:18,707
[♪ "Good Enough for Me" by Bea Parks,
Jake Lake, and Oli Charles playing]
881
00:37:18,708 --> 00:37:21,165
♪ I'm in rainbows ♪
882
00:37:21,166 --> 00:37:23,250
♪ Ridin' my scout ♪
883
00:37:23,916 --> 00:37:25,375
♪ Behind my leather ♪
884
00:37:26,541 --> 00:37:28,541
♪ And hammer down... ♪
885
00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,458
Oh, shit.
886
00:37:31,041 --> 00:37:33,624
Oh. Abby dear. Yoo-hoo!
887
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,957
Mommy's here to pick you up.
888
00:37:35,958 --> 00:37:39,582
♪ You'll find us all downtown ♪
889
00:37:39,583 --> 00:37:42,791
[students murmuring]
890
00:37:45,583 --> 00:37:47,582
- Come on.
- What are you doing here?
891
00:37:47,583 --> 00:37:49,957
We gotta get moving on the plan. Come on.
892
00:37:49,958 --> 00:37:51,415
No time to waste.
893
00:37:51,416 --> 00:37:53,083
Get in the car. Here we go.
894
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,540
♪ Good enough for me ♪
895
00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,208
Mm. I love a man in uniform.
896
00:38:00,041 --> 00:38:02,041
[students] Oh!
897
00:38:02,291 --> 00:38:04,291
[students giggling]
898
00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:08,915
Uh, why couldn't this wait
until after I got home?
899
00:38:08,916 --> 00:38:11,207
Oh, God.
900
00:38:11,208 --> 00:38:13,541
Principal Morris is staring at me
like I just joined a sex cult.
901
00:38:15,291 --> 00:38:16,999
Oh, my God, ew.
902
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,457
I can't believe he still
works here. [laughs]
903
00:38:19,458 --> 00:38:21,582
Wait, when I was a senior,
904
00:38:21,583 --> 00:38:23,582
he used to do this like
disgusting eye trick
905
00:38:23,583 --> 00:38:26,165
where he'd use one eye
to look at your chest.
906
00:38:26,166 --> 00:38:28,958
[laughing] So gross.
I tried to get the perv fired.
907
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:31,791
You know he has a glass eye, right?
908
00:38:33,291 --> 00:38:34,375
Uh-huh.
909
00:38:34,875 --> 00:38:35,875
Totally.
910
00:38:36,333 --> 00:38:37,416
Sad.
911
00:38:38,583 --> 00:38:39,832
- Oh, shit, duck!
- [heads thud]
912
00:38:39,833 --> 00:38:41,665
- [groans]
- Ow! Oh, my God.
913
00:38:41,666 --> 00:38:43,999
Dude, I just got filler.
914
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,082
[Abby] Okay, who are we hiding from?
915
00:38:46,083 --> 00:38:47,249
[Santa Monica] Robin Goode.
916
00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:48,999
She thinks she's better
than everyone else.
917
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,249
She's in charge of our class reunion.
918
00:38:51,250 --> 00:38:54,957
Of course she is. Look at her in her
fuckin' little business lady suit.
919
00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:57,500
Nice camel-toe, Ann Taylor Loft.
920
00:38:58,041 --> 00:39:00,457
Oh, cool, you don't show
cleavage in your suit.
921
00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:02,207
[fake laughs] How professional.
922
00:39:02,208 --> 00:39:04,583
Oh... Oh, okay, she's gone.
923
00:39:06,916 --> 00:39:07,916
She's gone.
924
00:39:09,791 --> 00:39:12,625
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, obviously. Duh.
925
00:39:13,125 --> 00:39:14,832
Are you gonna go to the reunion?
926
00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:17,249
Oh, my God, what did
I say about small talk?
927
00:39:17,250 --> 00:39:21,082
Now, let's begin your next lesson.
928
00:39:21,083 --> 00:39:23,165
Oh, God, I really don't wanna wear that.
929
00:39:23,166 --> 00:39:24,707
You aren't. Okay.
930
00:39:24,708 --> 00:39:27,332
Most guys don't know
your clitter from your shitter.
931
00:39:27,333 --> 00:39:30,207
So, in order to really enjoy
your first sexual experience,
932
00:39:30,208 --> 00:39:31,791
you have to be good at giving direction.
933
00:39:32,541 --> 00:39:33,541
Any questions?
934
00:39:34,541 --> 00:39:35,541
[Abby] Uh...
935
00:39:36,875 --> 00:39:38,333
You can't be serious.
936
00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:39,832
Right?
937
00:39:39,833 --> 00:39:41,290
- [tires screeching]
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
938
00:39:41,291 --> 00:39:43,457
No! Oh! Jesus!
939
00:39:43,458 --> 00:39:44,749
Turn left, turn left, left.
940
00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:46,540
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
941
00:39:46,541 --> 00:39:47,749
[screaming] Oh my God!
942
00:39:47,750 --> 00:39:48,916
Um, uh, slight left.
943
00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:52,332
- Just-- just stop it! Oh no!
- [tires screeching]
944
00:39:52,333 --> 00:39:53,499
Oh, Jesus.
945
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:54,582
What?
946
00:39:54,583 --> 00:39:57,124
[overlapping shouting]
947
00:39:57,125 --> 00:40:00,207
- [engine revving, tires screeching]
- [people screaming]
948
00:40:00,208 --> 00:40:02,957
- Left! Left! [screaming]
- [raucously laughing]
949
00:40:02,958 --> 00:40:04,582
Tell me what to do!
950
00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:06,499
- Use your words.
- [shouting] Right!
951
00:40:06,500 --> 00:40:07,958
Right!
952
00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:11,457
- [car horn blaring]
- [Abby screaming]
953
00:40:11,458 --> 00:40:13,000
[tires screeching]
954
00:40:14,625 --> 00:40:16,040
♪ Because it's great ♪
955
00:40:16,041 --> 00:40:18,375
♪ Great for me to sing ♪
956
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:20,958
[Abby screaming]
957
00:40:21,083 --> 00:40:23,082
[Abby] Okay, stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
958
00:40:23,083 --> 00:40:24,166
[tires screech]
959
00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:26,540
Oh, God.
960
00:40:26,541 --> 00:40:27,958
♪ Good enough for me ♪
961
00:40:28,750 --> 00:40:31,666
Oh, fuck. Now it looks like
I’m making fun of him. [chuckles]
962
00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:33,999
Go, go!
963
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,666
[tires screeching]
964
00:40:37,458 --> 00:40:39,000
♪
965
00:40:40,166 --> 00:40:41,165
Stop!
966
00:40:41,166 --> 00:40:42,500
[brakes squealing]
967
00:40:43,958 --> 00:40:44,957
- You did it.
- [screams]
968
00:40:44,958 --> 00:40:46,040
You did it! We're here!
969
00:40:46,041 --> 00:40:47,707
- Oh, my God, we made it!
- Holy shit!
970
00:40:47,708 --> 00:40:50,499
- [Abby laughs]
- I got scared for a second.
971
00:40:50,500 --> 00:40:51,582
You got scared?
972
00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:53,207
I had to see all that,
I thought I was gonna die.
973
00:40:53,208 --> 00:40:54,750
[car thuds]
974
00:40:58,833 --> 00:41:00,458
I didn't put it in park.
975
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,291
- [clicks tongue]
- Right.
976
00:41:02,958 --> 00:41:05,250
♪ Good enough for me ♪
977
00:41:05,625 --> 00:41:07,082
- [sighs]
- Should we leave a note?
978
00:41:07,083 --> 00:41:08,874
What did I say about small talk?
979
00:41:08,875 --> 00:41:09,957
[door bell chimes]
980
00:41:09,958 --> 00:41:13,290
[♪ "Heart of Stone" by Brian Wade
and Oswin John Falquero plays in store]
981
00:41:13,291 --> 00:41:16,165
♪ Heart of stone ♪
982
00:41:16,166 --> 00:41:17,540
Oh, hi.
983
00:41:17,541 --> 00:41:18,999
♪ I'm on my own ♪
984
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,750
Let me know if you need any...
985
00:41:22,708 --> 00:41:23,874
thing.
986
00:41:23,875 --> 00:41:25,832
♪ Since you've gone... ♪
987
00:41:25,833 --> 00:41:28,374
[Abby] It was like kink Disneyland.
988
00:41:28,375 --> 00:41:30,624
- But all the rides vibrated more.
- [cell phone chimes]
989
00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:33,124
[Santa Monica] "Everybody wants
a German to ride."
990
00:41:33,125 --> 00:41:34,207
Ew.
991
00:41:34,208 --> 00:41:37,665
"Powerful as a BMW, eco as a Prius."
992
00:41:37,666 --> 00:41:40,165
It's crazy,
everything has like handles now.
993
00:41:40,166 --> 00:41:41,250
[laughs]
994
00:41:41,791 --> 00:41:42,790
Hmm.
995
00:41:42,791 --> 00:41:44,082
Next lesson.
996
00:41:44,083 --> 00:41:46,415
You have to be comfortable
in your own body
997
00:41:46,416 --> 00:41:48,582
before you lay on someone else's, right?
998
00:41:48,583 --> 00:41:51,374
I mean, 69-ing is like specifically meant
for dual pleasure.
999
00:41:51,375 --> 00:41:52,707
I mean, when I was your age,
1000
00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:55,499
I thought the more the guy got off,
the better the sex was.
1001
00:41:55,500 --> 00:41:58,624
You know, I was just chugging
dick after dick after di--
1002
00:41:58,625 --> 00:41:59,915
Yeah, I didn't feel anything.
1003
00:41:59,916 --> 00:42:02,665
I was just faking orgasm after orgasm,
1004
00:42:02,666 --> 00:42:03,999
just lying on my back.
1005
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,707
Just like a little songbird, like...
1006
00:42:05,708 --> 00:42:08,290
[Santa Monica squawking]
1007
00:42:08,291 --> 00:42:09,540
You know? It sucked.
1008
00:42:09,541 --> 00:42:11,415
And I blew out my vocal chords.
1009
00:42:11,416 --> 00:42:13,457
But, you know, it's actually the opposite.
1010
00:42:13,458 --> 00:42:15,957
Turns out the more I got off,
the better the sex was.
1011
00:42:15,958 --> 00:42:19,582
So, you gotta figure out
what turns you on.
1012
00:42:19,583 --> 00:42:22,125
Like, for me, it's choking,
but I have trauma.
1013
00:42:22,625 --> 00:42:23,957
Maybe you pick something
1014
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:25,707
and I'll go die of embarrassment
in the car.
1015
00:42:25,708 --> 00:42:29,457
Hey, a vibrator
is a window to your soul.
1016
00:42:29,458 --> 00:42:32,290
Isn't that, like, stitched on a pillow
in your house somewhere?
1017
00:42:32,291 --> 00:42:33,375
Live, love, cum?
1018
00:42:34,333 --> 00:42:36,082
Haven't you ever been like nervous
1019
00:42:36,083 --> 00:42:37,833
and excited about something
at the same time?
1020
00:42:39,416 --> 00:42:40,875
I guess. Uh...
1021
00:42:41,416 --> 00:42:44,040
when I go into
haunted houses at Halloween.
1022
00:42:44,041 --> 00:42:45,291
Oh, my God, you really are a dork.
1023
00:42:46,375 --> 00:42:48,790
Okay, think about this like that.
1024
00:42:48,791 --> 00:42:52,165
You can be scared and excited
about this next step.
1025
00:42:52,166 --> 00:42:53,624
And I'm gonna help.
1026
00:42:53,625 --> 00:42:56,374
Best stuff for female pleasure
is behind the curtain.
1027
00:42:56,375 --> 00:43:00,208
[Santa Monica] [in spooky voice] Ooh.
Female pleasure.
1028
00:43:00,333 --> 00:43:02,749
[high-pitched ringing]
1029
00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:04,583
[Santa Monica laughs menacingly]
1030
00:43:06,458 --> 00:43:09,582
[ghostly echoing voice] Welcome, Abby.
1031
00:43:09,583 --> 00:43:11,625
Enter, if you dare.
1032
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,083
We've been waiting for you to cum.
1033
00:43:14,750 --> 00:43:15,957
[spooky laughter]
1034
00:43:15,958 --> 00:43:18,166
- Okay, I'm actually scared.
- [chuckles]
1035
00:43:18,625 --> 00:43:19,790
No, we got this.
1036
00:43:19,791 --> 00:43:21,832
- ♪ Heart of stone ♪
- ♪ Stone ♪
1037
00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:23,833
- ♪ I feel... ♪
- [both shudder]
1038
00:43:24,500 --> 00:43:28,082
[♪ music distorting]
1039
00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:30,458
[chainsaws whirring sound]
1040
00:43:33,291 --> 00:43:35,874
- [screaming]
- Oh, my God!
1041
00:43:35,875 --> 00:43:39,041
- [both screaming]
- [vibrators revving loudly]
1042
00:43:40,166 --> 00:43:42,165
Oh, Jesus Christ.
1043
00:43:42,166 --> 00:43:43,416
Oh, my God.
1044
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:45,250
[both panting]
1045
00:43:46,625 --> 00:43:48,540
Wait. We're in my house.
1046
00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:50,041
Yeah, no shit.
1047
00:43:50,541 --> 00:43:52,291
[♪ eerie music playing]
1048
00:43:55,583 --> 00:43:58,583
[person shrieking]
1049
00:43:59,458 --> 00:44:01,082
[shrieking, moaning]
1050
00:44:01,083 --> 00:44:02,833
Cute vibe.
1051
00:44:03,333 --> 00:44:05,000
[ghostly moaning]
1052
00:44:05,958 --> 00:44:08,541
[♪ eerie music continues]
1053
00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:10,707
- [chimes]
- [both gasp]
1054
00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:12,999
Oh, not Lola's china!
1055
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,082
Come on, just pick one and let's go.
1056
00:44:15,083 --> 00:44:16,166
Um...
1057
00:44:18,958 --> 00:44:20,083
Hmm?
1058
00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:22,249
- That's good.
- Okay.
1059
00:44:22,250 --> 00:44:23,665
I prefer the rabbit.
1060
00:44:23,666 --> 00:44:25,082
- [both screaming]
- Oh, my God!
1061
00:44:25,083 --> 00:44:26,625
No! Go, go, go.
1062
00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,457
Abigail, what have you done?!
1063
00:44:31,458 --> 00:44:33,290
My walls!
1064
00:44:33,291 --> 00:44:35,958
- [thunder crashing]
- My beautiful walls!
1065
00:44:36,625 --> 00:44:38,333
Mom? What is she talking about?
1066
00:44:41,541 --> 00:44:44,125
Female ejaculation!
1067
00:44:45,208 --> 00:44:48,999
[distorted ominously] Everywhere!
1068
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,333
[wailing]
1069
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,499
[Abby] I swear I didn't do it!
1070
00:44:52,500 --> 00:44:55,749
I didn't! I-- I didn't even know
that females could do that!
1071
00:44:55,750 --> 00:44:56,832
Oh, Abby.
1072
00:44:56,833 --> 00:44:58,541
Go to your room!
1073
00:44:59,041 --> 00:45:00,165
This is my room.
1074
00:45:00,166 --> 00:45:02,040
[both screaming]
Now!
1075
00:45:02,041 --> 00:45:03,915
[Abby/Santa Monica screaming]
1076
00:45:03,916 --> 00:45:06,332
[yelling] You jizzed on your dad!
1077
00:45:06,333 --> 00:45:08,957
Okay, I'm done,
I don't wanna do this anymore.
1078
00:45:08,958 --> 00:45:10,666
- It's not fun scary.
- Go, go.
1079
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,791
- [♪ dark dramatic music playing]
- [groaning]
1080
00:45:15,250 --> 00:45:16,500
[chains rattling]
1081
00:45:17,125 --> 00:45:18,374
[Santa Monica] Help!
1082
00:45:18,375 --> 00:45:20,125
Help! I'm caught!
1083
00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:22,374
Ah!
1084
00:45:22,375 --> 00:45:23,457
- Come on!
- Okay!
1085
00:45:23,458 --> 00:45:25,250
[both grunting]
1086
00:45:26,541 --> 00:45:28,375
[zombies snarling]
1087
00:45:28,833 --> 00:45:30,457
[Abby] What the fuck?
1088
00:45:30,458 --> 00:45:31,832
[low growling]
1089
00:45:31,833 --> 00:45:34,166
- [Abby/Santa Monica screaming]
- Oh, God!
1090
00:45:36,375 --> 00:45:38,165
- Sixty-four dollars!
- What?!
1091
00:45:38,166 --> 00:45:39,500
[calmly] Sixty-four dollars.
1092
00:45:40,833 --> 00:45:42,415
- [card reader dings]
- Fun, right?
1093
00:45:42,416 --> 00:45:44,915
[printer whirring]
1094
00:45:44,916 --> 00:45:47,041
[♪ "Heart of Stone"
continues softly playing]
1095
00:45:47,958 --> 00:45:50,124
- [paper ripping]
- [register beeping]
1096
00:45:50,125 --> 00:45:51,625
[softly] Goddammit.
1097
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,457
- Okay, barf.
- [cell phone chimes]
1098
00:45:54,458 --> 00:45:57,291
This looks like a toilet became a sweater.
1099
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,000
Ew.
1100
00:46:00,708 --> 00:46:02,749
[sighs] Oh, my God.
1101
00:46:02,750 --> 00:46:05,999
This is, like, covered in dog hair,
1102
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,791
so that's not gonna work.
1103
00:46:08,666 --> 00:46:09,875
Jesus.
1104
00:46:11,083 --> 00:46:13,082
How do you have zero fuck-me clothes?
1105
00:46:13,083 --> 00:46:14,832
What? No, this one's nice.
1106
00:46:14,833 --> 00:46:16,040
I got it from the Gap.
1107
00:46:16,041 --> 00:46:18,958
Okay, well no one's gonna wanna
touch your gap wearing that.
1108
00:46:19,583 --> 00:46:21,665
[sighs] Alright, I can't
believe I'm saying this,
1109
00:46:21,666 --> 00:46:24,000
but I think we have to
raid your mom's closet.
1110
00:46:26,791 --> 00:46:30,290
Question, where did
you go in the Love Hut?
1111
00:46:30,291 --> 00:46:31,415
What do you mean?
1112
00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:33,832
[Santa Monica] You were, like,
checked out as shit.
1113
00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:36,082
Um... I mean...
1114
00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,832
sometimes I have fantasies.
1115
00:46:37,833 --> 00:46:40,207
Ooh, kinky. I love it.
1116
00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:42,207
[scoffs] Not, like, sexual.
1117
00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:44,083
More like, um...
1118
00:46:44,500 --> 00:46:47,790
I get nervous and my brain goes places
1119
00:46:47,791 --> 00:46:51,833
that make everything seem
wonderful and perfect.
1120
00:46:52,375 --> 00:46:55,290
Except for this one.
This one was off the rails.
1121
00:46:55,291 --> 00:46:56,707
[Santa Monica] I'm no therapist,
1122
00:46:56,708 --> 00:46:59,374
but I do, like, listen
to bald guys with boners
1123
00:46:59,375 --> 00:47:01,291
talk about their wives for a living.
1124
00:47:02,041 --> 00:47:06,083
But it sounds to me like
maybe you're protecting yourself.
1125
00:47:07,166 --> 00:47:08,291
[Abby] I guess.
1126
00:47:08,875 --> 00:47:09,915
It kinda sucks though
1127
00:47:09,916 --> 00:47:12,666
'cause then I miss
what's actually happening.
1128
00:47:13,125 --> 00:47:15,665
Well, maybe if you were
more confident in your reality,
1129
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,166
you'd stop fantasizing, right?
1130
00:47:18,833 --> 00:47:21,040
In the meantime,
I don't know, pinch your thigh
1131
00:47:21,041 --> 00:47:23,333
when you go to "too good to be true" land.
1132
00:47:25,083 --> 00:47:26,582
That's a good tip.
1133
00:47:26,583 --> 00:47:30,333
Ooh! Okay, suit.
1134
00:47:33,041 --> 00:47:34,583
Okay, wait, this is kinda chic.
1135
00:47:35,208 --> 00:47:37,457
You look like someone named Judy.
1136
00:47:37,458 --> 00:47:40,040
[hoarsely] Hi, I'm Judy,
and I'm taking away your kids
1137
00:47:40,041 --> 00:47:41,540
'cause you have a pill problem.
1138
00:47:41,541 --> 00:47:42,790
[both chuckle]
1139
00:47:42,791 --> 00:47:44,207
Oh, you should wear that
to your reunion.
1140
00:47:44,208 --> 00:47:46,249
Yeah, I'm not going to that.
1141
00:47:46,250 --> 00:47:48,165
How come? You should.
1142
00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:50,416
If I were as cool as you, I'd totally go.
1143
00:47:51,250 --> 00:47:52,416
Dork.
1144
00:47:52,916 --> 00:47:55,832
Okay, there's no way around this.
1145
00:47:55,833 --> 00:47:58,749
These clothes are ass
and mine are amazing.
1146
00:47:58,750 --> 00:48:02,124
So I think you need to borrow some of mine
for that party on Saturday.
1147
00:48:02,125 --> 00:48:05,083
There was definitely
a nicer way of saying that.
1148
00:48:05,666 --> 00:48:06,750
Bye.
1149
00:48:07,583 --> 00:48:08,583
Hey.
1150
00:48:08,833 --> 00:48:09,999
[vibrator buzzing]
1151
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,166
Buzz off.
1152
00:48:11,833 --> 00:48:12,874
Stupid.
1153
00:48:12,875 --> 00:48:14,250
[Abby chuckles]
1154
00:48:19,708 --> 00:48:21,000
[knock on door]
1155
00:48:21,333 --> 00:48:23,457
You're really killing my vi...
1156
00:48:23,458 --> 00:48:25,291
[buzzing continues]
1157
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,415
- [buzzing stops]
- Hi.
1158
00:48:28,416 --> 00:48:30,374
Uh, I'm Lily Rose.
1159
00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:32,333
Your mom told me to drop by.
1160
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,125
Of course you are.
1161
00:48:35,750 --> 00:48:36,749
Do come in.
1162
00:48:36,750 --> 00:48:38,082
[birds chirping]
1163
00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:39,250
I'm okay.
1164
00:48:41,333 --> 00:48:43,125
[puzzle pieces rattling]
1165
00:48:43,833 --> 00:48:44,832
[chuckles]
1166
00:48:44,833 --> 00:48:47,207
♪ So I heard the bad news ♪
1167
00:48:47,208 --> 00:48:48,707
[♪ "Number One Fan" by MUNA playing]
1168
00:48:48,708 --> 00:48:50,749
- ♪ Nobody likes me ♪
- [cheering]
1169
00:48:50,750 --> 00:48:55,249
♪ And I'm gonna die alone in my bedroom ♪
1170
00:48:55,250 --> 00:48:56,707
- Word!
- Yes, bitch.
1171
00:48:56,708 --> 00:49:00,832
♪ Lookin' at strangers on my telephone ♪
1172
00:49:00,833 --> 00:49:02,707
- ♪ Well, what do you know ♪
- [laughing]
1173
00:49:02,708 --> 00:49:03,916
What's happening?
1174
00:49:04,541 --> 00:49:08,874
♪ Wouldn't you like
if I believed those words? ♪
1175
00:49:08,875 --> 00:49:10,374
♪ If I'm born to lose ♪
1176
00:49:10,375 --> 00:49:12,249
You know we're not supposed
to be in here after hours?
1177
00:49:12,250 --> 00:49:13,540
[gasps] Oh, my God.
1178
00:49:13,541 --> 00:49:14,749
♪ Myself in the mirror ♪
1179
00:49:14,750 --> 00:49:17,000
- ♪ Saying don't leave me now... ♪
- [whistle blows]
1180
00:49:17,333 --> 00:49:18,374
Do guys fake it?
1181
00:49:18,375 --> 00:49:21,332
Not with me--
or ever, probably.
1182
00:49:21,333 --> 00:49:22,832
What do you do with the balls?
1183
00:49:22,833 --> 00:49:24,415
Treat 'em like a bug bite.
1184
00:49:24,416 --> 00:49:26,374
You know it's there
but you try and ignore it.
1185
00:49:26,375 --> 00:49:27,624
Is the G-spot real?
1186
00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:28,957
Oh, yeah.
1187
00:49:28,958 --> 00:49:31,082
Hook in and you'll find it.
1188
00:49:31,083 --> 00:49:32,790
[chuckling] Nice.
Is the H-spot real?
1189
00:49:32,791 --> 00:49:34,707
Absolutely not, you made that up.
1190
00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:36,625
How do you eat with the mask on?
1191
00:49:37,250 --> 00:49:39,541
- [♪ music stops]
- [Bernie] There's a hole under the snout.
1192
00:49:40,125 --> 00:49:43,540
- [♪ "Number One Fan" resumes playing]
- [onlookers cheering]
1193
00:49:43,541 --> 00:49:45,291
♪
1194
00:49:45,791 --> 00:49:46,833
[Abby laughing]
1195
00:49:47,666 --> 00:49:49,790
[Santa Monica] DJ Don! DJ Don!
1196
00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:51,500
♪ So, here's the bad news ♪
1197
00:49:52,708 --> 00:49:55,124
♪ I'm coming for everyone ♪
1198
00:49:55,125 --> 00:49:57,124
♪ And coming on strong... ♪
1199
00:49:57,125 --> 00:49:58,208
Hi, Max.
1200
00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:00,750
[grunting]
1201
00:50:01,625 --> 00:50:02,625
Any questions?
1202
00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:05,124
- No, I think I got it.
- Okay.
1203
00:50:05,125 --> 00:50:06,624
Now be careful.
1204
00:50:06,625 --> 00:50:08,208
He's rock hard.
1205
00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:11,040
- [both] Ohh!
- [head clattering]
1206
00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:13,624
Yeah, don't do that to Max.
1207
00:50:13,625 --> 00:50:15,165
♪
1208
00:50:15,166 --> 00:50:17,041
Hey, does this feel like the right spot?
1209
00:50:17,541 --> 00:50:21,000
[Abby] Uh, lower. A little to the left.
1210
00:50:22,458 --> 00:50:24,333
- Yeah, it feels good.
- [Max Warren] Cool.
1211
00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:27,249
Wait, are we watching a movie?
1212
00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,249
No, I don't have time
to watch a whole movie with you.
1213
00:50:29,250 --> 00:50:30,499
But I have to watch it?
1214
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:33,249
Risky Business was
my sexual awakening.
1215
00:50:33,250 --> 00:50:35,624
I mean, come on, Tom Cruise
and the men's button-down
1216
00:50:35,625 --> 00:50:37,290
and the tighty-whities and socks?
1217
00:50:37,291 --> 00:50:38,374
Wait, where were his pants?
1218
00:50:38,375 --> 00:50:39,458
Who gives a shit?
1219
00:50:40,416 --> 00:50:41,665
"Who gives a shit."
1220
00:50:41,666 --> 00:50:43,833
[teacher] Hey, you can't be in here!
1221
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:48,832
Alright, rule of thumb,
if you're a good dancer,
1222
00:50:48,833 --> 00:50:50,749
- you're good in bed.
- [all] Amen.
1223
00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:52,625
Trust me, I'm a great dancer.
1224
00:50:54,458 --> 00:50:56,457
I-I'm just not into dancing in public.
1225
00:50:56,458 --> 00:50:58,332
- Do the "Macarena."
- It's a safe space.
1226
00:50:58,333 --> 00:50:59,415
- [Destiny] Yeah.
- Come on,
1227
00:50:59,416 --> 00:51:00,749
who made up that stupid rule anyway?
1228
00:51:00,750 --> 00:51:01,999
The same person that said,
1229
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,624
"You know what a woman's bush looks like
1230
00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:05,582
by the way she takes care of her nails."
1231
00:51:05,583 --> 00:51:06,832
- [Angel] That is true.
- [DJ Don] Preach.
1232
00:51:06,833 --> 00:51:07,915
- [Destiny] Ooh.
- Oh, you got...
1233
00:51:07,916 --> 00:51:09,624
- You got a little girl...
- Let me see that.
1234
00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,249
Oh, no! Get away from me.
Get away from me!
1235
00:51:12,250 --> 00:51:15,624
Abby, just to be clear,
pubes friggin' rule, girl.
1236
00:51:15,625 --> 00:51:17,457
- No. No, no, no!
- Let me see those nails!
1237
00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:18,916
- [overlapping yelling]
- My girls.
1238
00:51:19,500 --> 00:51:21,500
[♪ "Number One Fan" continues playing]
1239
00:51:21,708 --> 00:51:23,624
- [wax ripping]
- Ow!
1240
00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:25,665
What the fuck?!
1241
00:51:25,666 --> 00:51:29,499
♪ So iconic, like big, like stan, like ♪
1242
00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:32,832
♪ I would give my life
just to hold your hand ♪
1243
00:51:32,833 --> 00:51:34,749
♪ I'm your number one fan ♪
1244
00:51:34,750 --> 00:51:37,665
♪ I'm your number one, number one fan ♪
1245
00:51:37,666 --> 00:51:40,165
♪ Oh, my God, like,
I'm your number one fan ♪
1246
00:51:40,166 --> 00:51:41,374
- Hi.
- Hey.
1247
00:51:41,375 --> 00:51:44,874
♪ So iconic, like big, like stan, like ♪
1248
00:51:44,875 --> 00:51:46,332
♪ I would give my life ♪
1249
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:48,374
- ♪ Just to hold your hand ♪
- [high-pitched ringing]
1250
00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:50,374
[music tempo slowing]
♪ I'm your number one fan ♪
1251
00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:53,457
[song distorting]
♪ I'm your number one, number one fan ♪
1252
00:51:53,458 --> 00:51:58,624
♪ Oh, my God, like, I'm your number one ♪
1253
00:51:58,625 --> 00:52:00,499
[music tempo speeds up]
♪ Number one fan ♪
1254
00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:01,749
Hmm.
1255
00:52:01,750 --> 00:52:03,207
[♪ song playing at normal tempo]
1256
00:52:03,208 --> 00:52:05,457
♪
1257
00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:07,499
♪ Number one, number one ♪
1258
00:52:07,500 --> 00:52:09,958
- [school bell ringing]
- [students chattering]
1259
00:52:10,541 --> 00:52:12,957
1-800-Damn!
1260
00:52:12,958 --> 00:52:15,999
- Okay, little skirt moment.
- [Abby chuckles]
1261
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,915
Is that why you called me over here?
1262
00:52:17,916 --> 00:52:20,832
Um, I just thought we should celebrate.
1263
00:52:20,833 --> 00:52:22,541
- [garage door whirring]
- What?
1264
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:32,333
You've had this the whole time?!
1265
00:52:32,916 --> 00:52:34,540
[Abby] Um, well, yeah.
1266
00:52:34,541 --> 00:52:36,791
Girl, let's fuckin' party.
1267
00:52:37,375 --> 00:52:39,832
Oh, I thought we could
just drive the car.
1268
00:52:39,833 --> 00:52:42,541
Yeah, that's... that's what I meant.
1269
00:52:43,416 --> 00:52:44,666
Oh, cool.
1270
00:52:45,333 --> 00:52:47,749
[♪ "Santa Ana" by Pop Noir playing]
1271
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,374
[Santa Monica] Hey, check this out.
1272
00:52:49,375 --> 00:52:51,124
Sixty-nine!
1273
00:52:51,125 --> 00:52:54,208
[both screaming]
1274
00:52:55,166 --> 00:52:57,708
- [Abby screaming]
- [Santa Monica laughs]
1275
00:52:58,625 --> 00:53:01,791
[♪ "Santa Ana" continues playing]
1276
00:53:03,041 --> 00:53:05,041
[inaudible]
1277
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,999
- No!
- [engine shuts off]
1278
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:18,332
You were cool for, like, 15 whole seconds.
1279
00:53:18,333 --> 00:53:20,082
Wild Wild Dead is coming out today.
1280
00:53:20,083 --> 00:53:22,541
They're doing a physical release
before it comes out online.
1281
00:53:23,375 --> 00:53:24,374
[Abby groans]
1282
00:53:24,375 --> 00:53:26,458
[people chattering]
1283
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:28,040
Come on.
1284
00:53:28,041 --> 00:53:29,832
- [unenthusiastically] No.
- [Abby] Yes, come on.
1285
00:53:29,833 --> 00:53:31,250
No.
1286
00:53:31,625 --> 00:53:32,791
Come on.
1287
00:53:33,458 --> 00:53:34,791
- Ugh.
- Oh, my God.
1288
00:53:35,291 --> 00:53:39,415
- Two hours for a fucking video game?
- [Abby] Come on, we're almost there.
1289
00:53:39,416 --> 00:53:40,500
[cashier] Next zombie.
1290
00:53:42,333 --> 00:53:44,665
No wonder you didn't know
anything about sex.
1291
00:53:44,666 --> 00:53:46,957
Look at the crowd you run in.
1292
00:53:46,958 --> 00:53:48,958
What were you like in high school?
1293
00:53:49,500 --> 00:53:50,666
Pretty.
1294
00:53:51,125 --> 00:53:52,415
And?
1295
00:53:52,416 --> 00:53:54,083
And really pretty.
1296
00:53:54,958 --> 00:53:57,750
Super attractive, gorgeous, hot.
1297
00:53:58,666 --> 00:54:00,665
Girls hated me, guys jacked off to me.
1298
00:54:00,666 --> 00:54:02,708
So, I didn't really hang out with anyone.
1299
00:54:03,291 --> 00:54:04,707
You were a loner?
1300
00:54:04,708 --> 00:54:05,832
Like me.
1301
00:54:05,833 --> 00:54:08,707
Well, a little different.
1302
00:54:08,708 --> 00:54:10,125
- How so?
- [cashier] Next zombie.
1303
00:54:14,416 --> 00:54:16,624
Would you like a free
Wild Wild Dead zombie costume?
1304
00:54:16,625 --> 00:54:18,791
- Yes, please.
- Fuck, no. [sarcastic chuckle]
1305
00:54:19,083 --> 00:54:20,499
Okay, I can only give one per customer.
1306
00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,958
- Oh, I'm good, thanks.
- Okay.
1307
00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:25,415
[cell phone buzzing]
1308
00:54:25,416 --> 00:54:28,415
Oh, shit. Ugh. I totally forgot.
1309
00:54:28,416 --> 00:54:29,707
- Thank you.
- [Santa Monica sighs]
1310
00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:31,000
- Thanks.
- Bye.
1311
00:54:31,708 --> 00:54:32,916
Next zombie.
1312
00:54:33,458 --> 00:54:35,624
[indistinct chatter]
1313
00:54:35,625 --> 00:54:37,000
Hey, what's wrong?
1314
00:54:37,291 --> 00:54:39,332
I had Betty book me on
any house calls that came in.
1315
00:54:39,333 --> 00:54:40,875
I forgot I had one tonight.
1316
00:54:41,958 --> 00:54:43,374
Fuck, I'm screwed.
1317
00:54:43,375 --> 00:54:45,000
- I can drive you. I can take you.
- [cell phone chimes]
1318
00:54:45,625 --> 00:54:47,250
No, no.
1319
00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:50,624
[cell phone chimes]
1320
00:54:50,625 --> 00:54:51,958
You sure?
1321
00:54:54,666 --> 00:54:55,790
[cell phone beeps]
1322
00:54:55,791 --> 00:54:57,083
I got you. Get in.
1323
00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:04,749
- Is this it?
- [Santa Monica] Yeah.
1324
00:55:04,750 --> 00:55:05,833
[dog barking]
1325
00:55:07,083 --> 00:55:08,957
I don't think you should go in there.
1326
00:55:08,958 --> 00:55:11,125
Okay. Well, I don't really have a choice.
1327
00:55:12,291 --> 00:55:13,915
Okay, look, it's clearly shady,
1328
00:55:13,916 --> 00:55:16,208
so just don't get outta the car, okay?
1329
00:55:16,958 --> 00:55:18,875
- It's, it's real creep--
- Don't worry.
1330
00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:21,583
I'll be fine.
1331
00:55:23,166 --> 00:55:24,333
I'll be fine.
1332
00:55:24,625 --> 00:55:25,625
[dog barking]
1333
00:55:29,500 --> 00:55:32,916
[♪ "Too Fast Too Soon"
by Guilhem Hatt playing]
1334
00:55:36,916 --> 00:55:38,582
♪ We may love too soon ♪
1335
00:55:38,583 --> 00:55:40,375
This shit is kicking in.
1336
00:55:43,333 --> 00:55:46,249
- ♪ We may love too soon ♪
- Fuck it.
1337
00:55:46,250 --> 00:55:48,333
[crickets chirping]
1338
00:55:49,166 --> 00:55:51,124
[Abby] I had never
had this feeling before.
1339
00:55:51,125 --> 00:55:52,207
[exhales sharply]
1340
00:55:52,208 --> 00:55:54,290
I was nervous, like I always am,
1341
00:55:54,291 --> 00:55:56,665
but this time, for Santa Monica.
1342
00:55:56,666 --> 00:55:58,290
[snorting]
1343
00:55:58,291 --> 00:56:00,541
[♪ "Too Fast Too Soon" continues playing]
1344
00:56:01,125 --> 00:56:02,208
[exhales]
1345
00:56:03,958 --> 00:56:05,707
Okay, don't touch me.
1346
00:56:05,708 --> 00:56:07,333
♪ Kinda shame ♪
1347
00:56:08,250 --> 00:56:09,250
[dog barking outside]
1348
00:56:09,916 --> 00:56:11,250
- You want some?
- No.
1349
00:56:11,541 --> 00:56:12,999
[druggie 1] Don't give
the hooker our blow.
1350
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,583
I'm not a fucking hooker.
1351
00:56:15,416 --> 00:56:16,999
You're whatever we say you are.
1352
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,000
[♪ "Too Fast Too Soon" continues playing]
1353
00:56:21,125 --> 00:56:22,125
[Santa Monica sighing]
1354
00:56:23,291 --> 00:56:24,374
Come see my room.
1355
00:56:24,375 --> 00:56:25,749
- Okay. Alright.
- Come on.
1356
00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:27,540
- [Santa Monica] Fuck this!
- [druggie 2] Aw, come on.
1357
00:56:27,541 --> 00:56:28,749
Come back.
1358
00:56:28,750 --> 00:56:30,458
We're just fuckin' around.
1359
00:56:31,041 --> 00:56:32,708
[panting]
1360
00:56:33,250 --> 00:56:34,458
[dog barking]
1361
00:56:35,375 --> 00:56:36,916
[Santa Monica] Alright, go! Go, go.
1362
00:56:38,041 --> 00:56:40,208
Fuck! Fuck.
1363
00:56:40,958 --> 00:56:41,958
Shit.
1364
00:56:42,416 --> 00:56:43,832
[dog continues barking]
1365
00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:44,916
[whispering] Abby?
1366
00:56:45,833 --> 00:56:47,082
Abby?
1367
00:56:47,083 --> 00:56:49,291
[muffled indistinct chatter]
1368
00:56:49,958 --> 00:56:51,958
[♪ "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed playing]
1369
00:56:52,541 --> 00:56:54,415
[druggie 1] We need more fucking coke.
1370
00:56:54,416 --> 00:56:56,500
♪ Problems are left to know ♪
1371
00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:02,249
♪ Weekenders all night long ♪
1372
00:57:02,250 --> 00:57:03,332
[whispering] Fuck!
1373
00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:05,416
♪ It's such fun ♪
1374
00:57:08,416 --> 00:57:09,499
[door slams open]
1375
00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:11,040
[high-pitched screaming]
1376
00:57:11,041 --> 00:57:12,165
[Santa Monica] Abby!
1377
00:57:12,166 --> 00:57:13,665
[Abby snarling, growling]
1378
00:57:13,666 --> 00:57:15,165
[screaming continues]
1379
00:57:15,166 --> 00:57:16,374
[growling]
1380
00:57:16,375 --> 00:57:17,457
[druggie 3] Oh, shit!
1381
00:57:17,458 --> 00:57:19,000
I shouldn't have taken that second pill.
1382
00:57:19,291 --> 00:57:22,083
- [Abby] [growls] Run!
- Oh.
1383
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:24,124
- [Abby] Okay, let's go.
- [Santa Monica] Go, go!
1384
00:57:24,125 --> 00:57:25,207
That fuckin' bitch!
1385
00:57:25,208 --> 00:57:27,290
[♪ "Perfect Day" continues playing]
1386
00:57:27,291 --> 00:57:32,540
♪ Oh, it's such a perfect day ♪
1387
00:57:32,541 --> 00:57:37,625
♪ I'm glad I spent it with you ♪
1388
00:57:38,208 --> 00:57:41,332
♪ Oh, such a perfect day ♪
1389
00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:46,332
♪ You just keep me hangin' on ♪
1390
00:57:46,333 --> 00:57:51,874
♪ You just keep me
hangin' on ♪
1391
00:57:51,875 --> 00:57:54,375
♪
1392
00:57:59,958 --> 00:58:01,665
[inaudible]
1393
00:58:01,666 --> 00:58:03,125
[tires screeching]
1394
00:58:04,250 --> 00:58:07,291
[Santa Monica] Fuck you!
1395
00:58:08,375 --> 00:58:10,291
[laughing]
1396
00:58:11,291 --> 00:58:13,124
I can't believe you did that for me.
1397
00:58:13,125 --> 00:58:15,332
- [Abby chuckles]
- I mean, no one have ever--
1398
00:58:15,333 --> 00:58:16,707
Dressed like a zombie for you?
1399
00:58:16,708 --> 00:58:18,457
Don't deflect.
1400
00:58:18,458 --> 00:58:20,583
That was very badass
what you did back there.
1401
00:58:22,750 --> 00:58:23,957
Thanks.
1402
00:58:23,958 --> 00:58:25,665
Hey, earlier you said
we were celebrating.
1403
00:58:25,666 --> 00:58:26,790
What are we celebrating?
1404
00:58:26,791 --> 00:58:28,290
The loss of half of your pubic hair?
1405
00:58:28,291 --> 00:58:31,707
Uh, no. Um, it's my birthday.
1406
00:58:31,708 --> 00:58:32,791
No shit.
1407
00:58:33,833 --> 00:58:35,165
Dude, happy birthday.
1408
00:58:35,166 --> 00:58:36,249
Thanks.
1409
00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:37,457
- I have to pee.
- It was a weird--
1410
00:58:37,458 --> 00:58:39,333
Oh, okay. Yeah.
1411
00:58:41,666 --> 00:58:44,041
[people chattering]
1412
00:58:45,750 --> 00:58:47,749
[Abby] Maybe it was
because of Santa Monica,
1413
00:58:47,750 --> 00:58:50,207
but people started
looking at me differently.
1414
00:58:50,208 --> 00:58:51,583
It felt kinda cool.
1415
00:58:52,125 --> 00:58:53,125
[gasps]
1416
00:58:57,125 --> 00:59:01,500
[group singing]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1417
00:59:02,083 --> 00:59:06,166
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1418
00:59:06,791 --> 00:59:12,333
♪ Happy birthday, dear Abby ♪
1419
00:59:12,791 --> 00:59:16,665
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1420
00:59:16,666 --> 00:59:20,208
- [Santa Monica] Yay!
- [cheering and applause]
1421
00:59:21,541 --> 00:59:24,375
Make a wish! I wonder what it is.
1422
00:59:26,416 --> 00:59:28,375
[♪ gentle music playing]
1423
00:59:29,666 --> 00:59:31,125
[Santa Monica chuckles]
1424
00:59:33,333 --> 00:59:35,000
Happy birthday, Abby.
1425
00:59:46,666 --> 00:59:49,208
[♪ gentle music continues]
1426
00:59:50,166 --> 00:59:52,790
Well, that was kind of fun,
in, like, a weird way.
1427
00:59:52,791 --> 00:59:53,875
[Abby] Mm.
1428
00:59:54,833 --> 00:59:55,833
Oh, hey, Santi?
1429
00:59:56,791 --> 00:59:59,332
Um, I-- I don't wanna overstep.
1430
00:59:59,333 --> 01:00:01,208
I know it's your job but...
1431
01:00:02,041 --> 01:00:03,999
I don't know, those guys tonight
were really scary.
1432
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,166
I just don't think you should be
doing that anymore.
1433
01:00:07,458 --> 01:00:10,083
Okay, well, thanks to you
that was my last one.
1434
01:00:11,083 --> 01:00:12,458
Me? Why me?
1435
01:00:13,208 --> 01:00:17,041
I'm using the 20,000 you're paying me
to buy Diamond Dolls.
1436
01:00:18,541 --> 01:00:21,290
Betty was gonna lose the club
if we didn't raise money in time.
1437
01:00:21,291 --> 01:00:25,375
And... honestly it's always
been my dream to own it.
1438
01:00:26,625 --> 01:00:28,790
Anyway, this jerk was gonna take it over.
1439
01:00:28,791 --> 01:00:30,832
But because if you,
I get to save the club
1440
01:00:30,833 --> 01:00:32,500
and my work family.
1441
01:00:35,125 --> 01:00:38,165
You know, I wasn't gonna go
to my high school reunion
1442
01:00:38,166 --> 01:00:41,332
'cause I hadn't done
anything with my life.
1443
01:00:41,333 --> 01:00:44,040
But now I get to go back
as a business owner.
1444
01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,750
And I'm sorry,
like a fuckin' hot one at that.
1445
01:00:49,083 --> 01:00:50,332
What?
1446
01:00:50,333 --> 01:00:52,124
Sorry. Um...
1447
01:00:52,125 --> 01:00:55,290
You've just... never talked
about your personal life.
1448
01:00:55,291 --> 01:00:58,125
Well, money talks.
And I'm getting mine on Saturday.
1449
01:01:02,083 --> 01:01:05,083
Hey, tomorrow's
your last day of high school.
1450
01:01:05,875 --> 01:01:08,083
I think it's okay
to flirt a little with Max.
1451
01:01:08,875 --> 01:01:10,750
- Max.
- Go for it.
1452
01:01:11,375 --> 01:01:12,375
Call me.
1453
01:01:15,541 --> 01:01:18,083
[♪ soft music playing]
1454
01:01:20,208 --> 01:01:22,749
[Abby] That night I didn't sleep at all.
1455
01:01:22,750 --> 01:01:26,082
I had finally started
to get close to Santa Monica.
1456
01:01:26,083 --> 01:01:27,583
There was only one problem.
1457
01:01:28,750 --> 01:01:29,749
[door squeaking]
1458
01:01:29,750 --> 01:01:31,208
I didn't have the money.
1459
01:01:33,125 --> 01:01:34,124
[door slams]
1460
01:01:34,125 --> 01:01:35,499
I was selfish and stupid
1461
01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:38,499
and shouldn't have been
canceling games all week.
1462
01:01:38,500 --> 01:01:40,832
I really thought I had more time.
1463
01:01:40,833 --> 01:01:44,249
I needed to focus
on getting the money, and fast.
1464
01:01:44,250 --> 01:01:46,540
Nothing would break my concentration.
1465
01:01:46,541 --> 01:01:48,666
- Hey, Cherry Worms.
- Hey, Max.
1466
01:01:49,375 --> 01:01:52,083
Oh. Hi, Max.
1467
01:01:52,875 --> 01:01:55,165
Uh, so I'm having some people
over to my place tomorrow night.
1468
01:01:55,166 --> 01:01:56,250
You gonna make it?
1469
01:01:56,875 --> 01:01:57,958
Uh, I...
1470
01:01:59,291 --> 01:02:00,665
Ye-- Yes. Yes.
1471
01:02:00,666 --> 01:02:02,665
I am physically able to make a party.
1472
01:02:02,666 --> 01:02:04,291
I think I can make it.
1473
01:02:04,916 --> 01:02:06,333
Nice. Well, I hope you come.
1474
01:02:07,291 --> 01:02:09,041
Uh, great, I hope you come, too.
1475
01:02:09,875 --> 01:02:11,707
Yeah, yeah, I'll be there.
I live there, so...
1476
01:02:11,708 --> 01:02:13,750
- Oh. Convenient.
- [Max] Yeah, yeah.
1477
01:02:14,375 --> 01:02:15,750
- [Abby] Okay.
- [chuckles]
1478
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,875
- Bye.
- Bye. [laughs]
1479
01:02:22,833 --> 01:02:26,250
[school bell ringing]
1480
01:02:26,375 --> 01:02:28,250
[students chattering]
1481
01:02:36,083 --> 01:02:38,000
[line ringing]
1482
01:02:39,916 --> 01:02:42,999
[Margaret] [on FaceTime]
Hi, anak. How was your birthday?
1483
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,540
Did Lily Rose stop by?
1484
01:02:44,541 --> 01:02:46,457
I really want you to make a friend, mahal.
1485
01:02:46,458 --> 01:02:48,207
Uh, I-- I don't really have time
to talk right now.
1486
01:02:48,208 --> 01:02:50,958
I just wanted to, uh,
throw an idea your way.
1487
01:02:51,666 --> 01:02:52,874
Oh, okay.
1488
01:02:52,875 --> 01:02:56,540
Um, what if no college?
1489
01:02:56,541 --> 01:02:58,374
[Margaret] Oh, here comes your father.
1490
01:02:58,375 --> 01:02:59,665
Abigail, I don't get the joke.
1491
01:02:59,666 --> 01:03:00,999
And we're unboxing a Squatty Potty.
1492
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:02,374
Are you in some sort of trouble?
1493
01:03:02,375 --> 01:03:03,582
No, no, not at all.
1494
01:03:03,583 --> 01:03:08,583
I just, um... I wanted to, uh...
1495
01:03:09,625 --> 01:03:13,790
ask if there was any extra cash
lying around the house for pizza.
1496
01:03:13,791 --> 01:03:16,415
[Margaret] Oh, there's
frozen pizza in the freezer.
1497
01:03:16,416 --> 01:03:17,999
Eat now, okay?
1498
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,333
Before you get hungry.
1499
01:03:19,750 --> 01:03:20,999
[Ron] Wave to Grandma.
1500
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:22,624
- [Grandma] I'm tired.
- [Margaret] Okay, okay.
1501
01:03:22,625 --> 01:03:24,375
- Call you back.
- [call ends]
1502
01:03:26,791 --> 01:03:28,790
[Bernie] Ooh... Yeah, no.
1503
01:03:28,791 --> 01:03:31,207
My dad taught me not to
loan money to anyone.
1504
01:03:31,208 --> 01:03:34,833
What's crazy is my dad just lost his job
and now he needs a loan from me.
1505
01:03:35,500 --> 01:03:36,666
The irony.
1506
01:03:37,333 --> 01:03:38,666
Thanks anyway.
1507
01:03:40,416 --> 01:03:42,249
Again? I didn't even get any info.
1508
01:03:42,250 --> 01:03:44,666
[Bernie] Girl, I charge by appointment.
1509
01:03:45,166 --> 01:03:46,375
- [Abby sighs]
- Come on.
1510
01:03:47,125 --> 01:03:48,166
[cash register dings]
1511
01:03:50,083 --> 01:03:53,915
[Abby] Oh, wow, uh, it looks like I lost
1512
01:03:53,916 --> 01:03:56,333
quite a few subscribers.
1513
01:03:56,916 --> 01:04:01,332
Okay, well, coming on to Glitch
to give all... 38 of you
1514
01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:02,832
an exclusive offer.
1515
01:04:02,833 --> 01:04:04,499
If you donate a hundred bucks,
1516
01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:10,041
I'll give away private game sessions
to the first 150 people.
1517
01:04:11,375 --> 01:04:13,582
[dinging]
1518
01:04:13,583 --> 01:04:15,749
Okay, I am not thirsty.
1519
01:04:15,750 --> 01:04:17,082
- I am just...
- [computer chimes]
1520
01:04:17,083 --> 01:04:18,458
And they're gone.
1521
01:04:21,416 --> 01:04:23,500
[♪ brooding music playing]
1522
01:04:35,958 --> 01:04:37,666
Fuck you, wall art.
1523
01:04:41,875 --> 01:04:43,875
[♪ brooding music continues]
1524
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:00,208
[neighbors chattering loudly]
1525
01:05:02,041 --> 01:05:03,041
Hello?
1526
01:05:05,333 --> 01:05:06,541
Santi?
1527
01:05:09,625 --> 01:05:10,915
Hello.
1528
01:05:10,916 --> 01:05:13,541
[♪ "Old Time Rock & Roll"
by Bob Seger playing]
1529
01:05:16,875 --> 01:05:18,374
♪ Just take those old records ♪
1530
01:05:18,375 --> 01:05:19,791
- [singing along]
- ♪ Off the shelf ♪
1531
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:21,915
What are you doing?
1532
01:05:21,916 --> 01:05:23,624
You mean what are we doing?
1533
01:05:23,625 --> 01:05:26,041
We're watching Risky Business.
1534
01:05:27,041 --> 01:05:29,957
Is this part of Risky Business?
1535
01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:32,457
It's the most iconic part.
1536
01:05:32,458 --> 01:05:34,500
- [♪ song stops]
- Okay.
1537
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:36,666
It's official, we're watching it.
1538
01:05:37,375 --> 01:05:39,582
You have no idea
how long I was waiting back there.
1539
01:05:39,583 --> 01:05:41,458
[panting] Hours.
1540
01:05:42,208 --> 01:05:44,624
Okay, now these are the opening credits.
1541
01:05:44,625 --> 01:05:46,290
These are the actors,
1542
01:05:46,291 --> 01:05:48,082
but they're not gonna be
playing themselves.
1543
01:05:48,083 --> 01:05:50,415
Just, you know...
They're in the movie.
1544
01:05:50,416 --> 01:05:52,958
Are you just explaining
what a movie is to me?
1545
01:05:53,791 --> 01:05:54,790
[Santa Monica] No.
1546
01:05:54,791 --> 01:05:56,540
[Abby] Are you gonna be
talking the whole time?
1547
01:05:56,541 --> 01:05:58,249
Here comes the dance I was doing.
[crunching]
1548
01:05:58,250 --> 01:05:59,582
That one.
1549
01:05:59,583 --> 01:06:01,832
I still don't get why
he doesn't have pants on.
1550
01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,290
'Cause it's cool.
1551
01:06:03,291 --> 01:06:05,540
It's cool to not wear pants.
1552
01:06:05,541 --> 01:06:07,665
[Abby] What, so like,
Winnie-the-Pooh is cool now?
1553
01:06:07,666 --> 01:06:09,540
[Santa Monica] Wait, I have
to pause 'cause I have to pee.
1554
01:06:09,541 --> 01:06:11,000
- Okay.
- Just kidding. [chuckles]
1555
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,000
Oh. [chuckles]
1556
01:06:13,875 --> 01:06:15,082
I think it's really messed up
1557
01:06:15,083 --> 01:06:17,249
when your people are watching movies
and then it's like,
1558
01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:19,291
"Oh, pause, let me go to the bathroom."
1559
01:06:19,625 --> 01:06:21,415
It's like, "Oh, so you just
like rule the movie?"
1560
01:06:21,416 --> 01:06:24,125
- [shushing]
- [Santa Monica chuckles]
1561
01:06:25,166 --> 01:06:27,500
[♪ gentle music playing]
1562
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:32,000
[crunching]
1563
01:06:35,458 --> 01:06:37,000
What'd you think?
1564
01:06:37,458 --> 01:06:39,457
[yawning] Pretty good movie, right?
1565
01:06:39,458 --> 01:06:41,832
In terms of teenage brothel movies,
1566
01:06:41,833 --> 01:06:43,250
I'll give it two thumbs up.
1567
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:44,916
Okay.
1568
01:06:45,375 --> 01:06:46,708
I have something to show you.
1569
01:06:48,041 --> 01:06:50,124
[sing-song]
♪ Come over here ♪
1570
01:06:50,125 --> 01:06:51,249
Come on.
1571
01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:53,082
- Oh, I'm following you.
- Yeah.
1572
01:06:53,083 --> 01:06:54,750
Check this out.
1573
01:06:57,541 --> 01:06:58,541
[light clicks]
1574
01:06:59,416 --> 01:07:00,832
I'm renaming the club.
1575
01:07:00,833 --> 01:07:02,916
[neon light humming]
1576
01:07:03,666 --> 01:07:05,207
- [softly] Cool.
- Oh.
1577
01:07:05,208 --> 01:07:06,833
And I bought you a little something.
1578
01:07:07,833 --> 01:07:08,833
[wheezing chuckle]
1579
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:12,332
I don't deserve it.
1580
01:07:12,333 --> 01:07:14,291
I thought it would be great
for tomorrow night.
1581
01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:19,207
- It's perfect.
- [Santa Monica] Really?
1582
01:07:19,208 --> 01:07:21,291
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1583
01:07:23,625 --> 01:07:26,333
Oh, um, I got you something too,
but I didn't buy it.
1584
01:07:26,916 --> 01:07:29,625
Okay, well, it better not be like
a friendship bracelet or some shit.
1585
01:07:30,958 --> 01:07:32,207
Don't open it yet.
1586
01:07:32,208 --> 01:07:33,458
Okay.
1587
01:07:35,166 --> 01:07:36,958
[sighs] Um...
1588
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:41,124
I actually have to
talk to you about something.
1589
01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:42,957
Wait, it's Friday.
1590
01:07:42,958 --> 01:07:44,291
Today was your last day of school.
1591
01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:45,915
- Yeah.
- [Santa Monica] Uh...
1592
01:07:45,916 --> 01:07:47,540
Shouldn't you be out getting wasted
1593
01:07:47,541 --> 01:07:50,250
instead of watching
'80s movies with an older--
1594
01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:54,291
but still younger... girl?
1595
01:07:58,083 --> 01:08:01,333
Um, can I ask you something?
1596
01:08:02,625 --> 01:08:03,749
[Abby] Yeah.
1597
01:08:03,750 --> 01:08:06,165
What do you think
is actually gonna happen
1598
01:08:06,166 --> 01:08:08,041
if you get to 69 Max?
1599
01:08:08,708 --> 01:08:10,291
- Like after?
- [Santa Monica] Yeah.
1600
01:08:11,333 --> 01:08:13,082
I don't know, I guess
1601
01:08:13,083 --> 01:08:15,375
it'd be great if he became my boyfriend.
1602
01:08:15,875 --> 01:08:19,665
Like... it'd be nice to have someone
1603
01:08:19,666 --> 01:08:21,582
to hang out with me.
1604
01:08:21,583 --> 01:08:23,457
Like, we'd have inside jokes
1605
01:08:23,458 --> 01:08:28,165
and watch movies, braid each other's hair
1606
01:08:28,166 --> 01:08:30,540
and we could tell each other secrets
1607
01:08:30,541 --> 01:08:32,207
and it wouldn't be
embarrassing or anything
1608
01:08:32,208 --> 01:08:35,166
because we love each other
unconditionally, you know?
1609
01:08:35,833 --> 01:08:37,499
Um...
1610
01:08:37,500 --> 01:08:42,166
That sounds like you want a friend.
1611
01:08:42,458 --> 01:08:44,541
[scoffs] What? What do you mean?
1612
01:08:45,458 --> 01:08:48,791
Abby, I hate to do this
before your big night...
1613
01:08:50,333 --> 01:08:52,375
but you're not ready.
1614
01:08:53,708 --> 01:08:55,333
I don't understand.
1615
01:08:56,458 --> 01:08:59,875
I don't think you're ready to 69 Max.
1616
01:09:01,250 --> 01:09:03,665
I promise you, I promise you,
you have time,
1617
01:09:03,666 --> 01:09:07,165
but for now, you're still a kid.
1618
01:09:07,166 --> 01:09:08,541
I am not.
1619
01:09:09,416 --> 01:09:11,832
[sighs] Come on, you thought rim jobs
1620
01:09:11,833 --> 01:09:13,832
were like boob-related foreplay.
1621
01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,749
Okay, so I didn't know some things.
1622
01:09:15,750 --> 01:09:17,790
I-- I didn't realize
that you'd hold that against me.
1623
01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:20,291
I'm not. I'm-- I'm sorry, I...
1624
01:09:21,541 --> 01:09:23,250
I'm just trying to be honest with you.
1625
01:09:23,833 --> 01:09:25,041
You don't care.
1626
01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:28,458
All you've ever cared about was the money.
1627
01:09:28,875 --> 01:09:31,416
I'm never gonna hear from you again
the second that you get your hands on it.
1628
01:09:32,375 --> 01:09:33,457
That is not true.
1629
01:09:33,458 --> 01:09:35,291
Let's find out, shall we?
1630
01:09:36,791 --> 01:09:38,791
- Wait, what do you mean?
- I don't have your money!
1631
01:09:45,083 --> 01:09:46,166
Uh...
1632
01:09:47,333 --> 01:09:48,625
I-- I don't.
1633
01:09:49,416 --> 01:09:50,957
I-- I have what I gave you already.
1634
01:09:50,958 --> 01:09:53,916
I don't have your $20,000.
1635
01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:57,750
I'm so sorry.
1636
01:10:00,208 --> 01:10:01,416
You're sorry?
1637
01:10:06,500 --> 01:10:09,833
I have to tell Betty
I don't have the money.
1638
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:15,165
I have to then tell the women I work with
they're out of a job,
1639
01:10:15,166 --> 01:10:18,166
or worse, working for
a fucking psycho-pervert.
1640
01:10:18,583 --> 01:10:21,540
This isn't like a video game, okay?
1641
01:10:21,541 --> 01:10:23,750
This is my real fucking life.
1642
01:10:25,750 --> 01:10:26,749
I'm s--
1643
01:10:26,750 --> 01:10:27,916
I feel awful.
1644
01:10:28,916 --> 01:10:31,083
Geez. What was the plan, Abby?
1645
01:10:31,541 --> 01:10:34,833
I-I-I-I figured that I could
get it to you over time.
1646
01:10:35,291 --> 01:10:37,457
I mean, do you know
how much of my time you've wasted
1647
01:10:37,458 --> 01:10:40,041
pretending to be something
you're never gonna be?
1648
01:10:43,583 --> 01:10:45,708
- Abby...
- Well, you're one to talk.
1649
01:10:46,791 --> 01:10:47,790
[scoffs]
1650
01:10:47,791 --> 01:10:51,082
You spend all this time
teaching me about confidence--
1651
01:10:51,083 --> 01:10:53,791
confidence that you
don't even have yourself!
1652
01:10:54,916 --> 01:10:57,708
Hiding from your own classmate, really?
1653
01:10:58,416 --> 01:11:01,915
I bet-- I bet you anything
that you're gonna use this
1654
01:11:01,916 --> 01:11:03,833
to not go to your own reunion.
1655
01:11:05,583 --> 01:11:07,540
You wanna bet 20-fucking-grand?
1656
01:11:07,541 --> 01:11:10,125
- [Abby scoffs]
- 'Cause I could really use that about now.
1657
01:11:10,875 --> 01:11:13,582
Good luck pretending you know
anything about sex tomorrow.
1658
01:11:13,583 --> 01:11:15,040
Oh, I'm gonna be just fine.
1659
01:11:15,041 --> 01:11:16,875
I'm a goddamn sex machine.
1660
01:11:20,125 --> 01:11:21,124
[door slams shut]
1661
01:11:21,125 --> 01:11:23,124
[♪ "Crocodile Tears"
by Zara Elizabeth Kershaw playing]
1662
01:11:23,125 --> 01:11:25,124
♪ For the nights
with the words in my mouth ♪
1663
01:11:25,125 --> 01:11:28,999
♪ Something’s underwater,
moving into color ♪
1664
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:30,499
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1665
01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:31,791
[cell phone chimes]
1666
01:11:32,625 --> 01:11:36,166
♪
1667
01:11:47,666 --> 01:11:48,666
[Abby] What?
1668
01:11:49,375 --> 01:11:50,374
No!
1669
01:11:50,375 --> 01:11:51,750
Ugh!
1670
01:11:53,083 --> 01:11:54,374
- [sighing]
- [thuds]
1671
01:11:54,375 --> 01:11:55,790
♪ Oh... ♪
1672
01:11:55,791 --> 01:11:58,583
Ow! Damn it!
1673
01:11:59,125 --> 01:12:03,040
♪ Think that was the medicine
and I felt better ♪
1674
01:12:03,041 --> 01:12:07,583
♪ Oh, now you're floating
in my breakfast cereal... ♪
1675
01:12:09,041 --> 01:12:10,749
♪ So, hi ♪
1676
01:12:10,750 --> 01:12:13,125
♪ Hey, hello, yeah,
that was a nice try ♪
1677
01:12:14,666 --> 01:12:17,457
♪ Coming up slowly before you bite ♪
1678
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:19,374
♪ And you know ♪
1679
01:12:19,375 --> 01:12:23,916
♪ I forgive and forget it
then you cry crocodile tears ♪
1680
01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:26,833
- ♪ Crocodile tears ♪
- [text pings]
1681
01:12:27,208 --> 01:12:28,249
Yes!
1682
01:12:28,250 --> 01:12:31,957
♪ Pull the blinds,
when we felt like a ghost ♪
1683
01:12:31,958 --> 01:12:35,915
♪ Back down to the bottom,
gravity gets heavy ♪
1684
01:12:35,916 --> 01:12:40,790
♪ Oh you, held too tight,
when I needed you most ♪
1685
01:12:40,791 --> 01:12:44,791
♪ There's something we hold,
there's something we carry ♪
1686
01:12:45,416 --> 01:12:49,500
♪ So hi, hey, hello,
yeah. that was a nice try ♪
1687
01:12:51,625 --> 01:12:55,749
♪ Been coming up slowly before you bite,
and you know ♪
1688
01:12:55,750 --> 01:12:59,957
♪ I forgive and forget it
then you cry crocodile tears ♪
1689
01:12:59,958 --> 01:13:01,915
[people chattering]
1690
01:13:01,916 --> 01:13:04,165
[♪ "Party Song" by Alina Eremia
and Ilkan Gunuc playing]
1691
01:13:04,166 --> 01:13:06,790
♪ Saturday night
getting lost in slow motion ♪
1692
01:13:06,791 --> 01:13:08,124
♪ Under the lights ♪
1693
01:13:08,125 --> 01:13:10,415
♪ Where we dance to let go ♪
1694
01:13:10,416 --> 01:13:11,874
♪ Have one of those nights ♪
1695
01:13:11,875 --> 01:13:14,415
♪ Where hearts don't get broken ♪
1696
01:13:14,416 --> 01:13:15,874
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1697
01:13:15,875 --> 01:13:16,999
♪ Don't know the words ♪
1698
01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:18,374
♪ But we sing a long like ♪
1699
01:13:18,375 --> 01:13:20,290
- ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
- [people chattering, whooping]
1700
01:13:20,291 --> 01:13:21,874
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1701
01:13:21,875 --> 01:13:23,749
♪ La-da-di,
la-da-da ♪
1702
01:13:23,750 --> 01:13:26,165
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1703
01:13:26,166 --> 01:13:28,749
♪ Free yourself tonight ♪
1704
01:13:28,750 --> 01:13:30,124
[banging on piano keys]
1705
01:13:30,125 --> 01:13:31,457
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1706
01:13:31,458 --> 01:13:32,790
- [laughter]
- ♪ Don't know the words ♪
1707
01:13:32,791 --> 01:13:33,874
♪ But we sing along ♪
1708
01:13:33,875 --> 01:13:36,332
♪ Free your self tonight ♪
1709
01:13:36,333 --> 01:13:37,749
[cheering]
1710
01:13:37,750 --> 01:13:39,165
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1711
01:13:39,166 --> 01:13:41,291
♪ Don't know the words but we sing along ♪
1712
01:13:42,458 --> 01:13:44,457
[people chanting]
Go Bernie, go! Drink! Drink! Drink!
1713
01:13:44,458 --> 01:13:47,957
♪ Where you wanna go tonight ♪
1714
01:13:47,958 --> 01:13:50,458
♪ Where the people never sleep ♪
1715
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:52,707
- [group cheering]
- ♪ Saturday night ♪
1716
01:13:52,708 --> 01:13:55,249
♪ Getting lost in slow motion ♪
1717
01:13:55,250 --> 01:13:56,582
♪ Under the lights ♪
1718
01:13:56,583 --> 01:13:58,124
♪ Where we dance to let go ♪
1719
01:13:58,125 --> 01:14:00,457
[people chanting]
Go Bernie! Go Bernie! Go Bernie!
1720
01:14:00,458 --> 01:14:02,957
♪ Where hearts don't get broken ♪
1721
01:14:02,958 --> 01:14:04,415
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1722
01:14:04,416 --> 01:14:06,457
♪ Don't know the words
but we sing a long like ♪
1723
01:14:06,458 --> 01:14:08,665
- ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
- [air horn blowing]
1724
01:14:08,666 --> 01:14:10,415
♪ La-da-di,
la-da-da ♪
1725
01:14:10,416 --> 01:14:12,207
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1726
01:14:12,208 --> 01:14:14,083
- ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
- Hey!
1727
01:14:14,750 --> 01:14:15,749
♪ Saturday night ♪
1728
01:14:15,750 --> 01:14:18,416
♪ Getting lost in slow motion ♪
1729
01:14:19,416 --> 01:14:20,915
Uh, whiskey neat.
1730
01:14:20,916 --> 01:14:22,749
[people chattering]
1731
01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:24,874
[♪ slow pop music
playing softly over speakers]
1732
01:14:24,875 --> 01:14:27,082
Hey, Monica, you came.
1733
01:14:27,083 --> 01:14:28,333
Robin.
1734
01:14:29,583 --> 01:14:31,415
You look great.
1735
01:14:31,416 --> 01:14:32,666
Thank you.
1736
01:14:32,875 --> 01:14:33,957
As usual. [chuckles]
1737
01:14:33,958 --> 01:14:35,083
So do you.
1738
01:14:35,500 --> 01:14:37,582
Your hair is really long.
1739
01:14:37,583 --> 01:14:39,791
Oh, thanks, it's extensions.
1740
01:14:40,291 --> 01:14:43,290
Well, some of it's mine,
the rest is, like... horse.
1741
01:14:43,291 --> 01:14:45,540
[♪ slow pop music continues]
1742
01:14:45,541 --> 01:14:46,916
[sighs] Never mind.
1743
01:14:49,458 --> 01:14:53,041
Weren't you like vice president
of our class or some shit?
1744
01:14:53,666 --> 01:14:54,958
How dare you?
1745
01:14:56,083 --> 01:14:58,707
- I was president, obviously, God.
- Oh. Sorry.
1746
01:14:58,708 --> 01:15:00,791
- Sorry, Madam President.
- [chuckles] Thank you.
1747
01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:05,707
- [sighs] Oh, my God.
- What did you order?
1748
01:15:05,708 --> 01:15:07,291
Literally a whiskey.
1749
01:15:07,791 --> 01:15:09,957
The brown-- the brown one.
1750
01:15:09,958 --> 01:15:11,915
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hired him.
1751
01:15:11,916 --> 01:15:13,832
He's my neighbor's son.
He's down on his luck.
1752
01:15:13,833 --> 01:15:15,208
I was trying to help him out.
1753
01:15:16,958 --> 01:15:19,040
- You know what's the saddest part?
- Hm?
1754
01:15:19,041 --> 01:15:21,291
He still wants to be an astronaut.
1755
01:15:22,166 --> 01:15:23,541
So, what do you do?
1756
01:15:24,541 --> 01:15:25,666
I'm...
1757
01:15:27,666 --> 01:15:29,791
I'm a stripper at Diamond Dolls.
1758
01:15:30,750 --> 01:15:31,875
Oh.
1759
01:15:32,875 --> 01:15:34,041
Huh.
1760
01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:37,165
I think I might actually head out,
1761
01:15:37,166 --> 01:15:38,582
but it was good to see you, Robin.
1762
01:15:38,583 --> 01:15:41,625
Wait, you--
you didn't ask me what I do.
1763
01:15:42,541 --> 01:15:43,791
Okay. What do you do?
1764
01:15:44,166 --> 01:15:45,166
I'm a realtor...
1765
01:15:46,750 --> 01:15:49,000
who hasn't sold a house
in three years, so...
1766
01:15:50,541 --> 01:15:53,249
I guess I plan high school reunions now,
1767
01:15:53,250 --> 01:15:54,749
which is super lame.
1768
01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:55,833
[chuckles]
1769
01:15:56,250 --> 01:15:58,958
Also, my husband's cheating on me,
so that's fun.
1770
01:16:00,583 --> 01:16:02,250
I'm sorry, I needed that.
1771
01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:04,165
- Two more.
- Great.
1772
01:16:04,166 --> 01:16:05,957
- Just-- I'll watch you while--
- And another glass.
1773
01:16:05,958 --> 01:16:08,125
Another. Yep.
1774
01:16:08,625 --> 01:16:09,624
That's what two is.
1775
01:16:09,625 --> 01:16:12,540
- [people whooping]
- Wait, so how'd he find out?
1776
01:16:12,541 --> 01:16:14,540
Well, I mean, he-- he knew
that something was up
1777
01:16:14,541 --> 01:16:16,915
when he found me measuring
the levels of the liquor bottle, so...
1778
01:16:16,916 --> 01:16:19,249
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
1779
01:16:19,250 --> 01:16:21,958
[♪ pop music playing on speakers]
1780
01:16:23,041 --> 01:16:25,832
[loud indistinct chatter]
1781
01:16:25,833 --> 01:16:27,583
Uh, you look really pretty.
1782
01:16:28,500 --> 01:16:29,707
Thrifty?
1783
01:16:29,708 --> 01:16:30,915
[laughing] Yeah.
1784
01:16:30,916 --> 01:16:33,540
Yeah, you look like you-- really careful
with your spending habits.
1785
01:16:33,541 --> 01:16:35,040
[shouting]
It's really hard to hear you.
1786
01:16:35,041 --> 01:16:36,875
- Do you wanna go somewhere where we--
- Yeah.
1787
01:16:38,041 --> 01:16:39,790
Oh. Okay.
1788
01:16:39,791 --> 01:16:42,250
- [♪ pop music continues]
- [loud chatter continues]
1789
01:16:44,833 --> 01:16:47,290
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
1790
01:16:47,291 --> 01:16:49,458
At least in my head, it wasn't.
Like...
1791
01:16:50,041 --> 01:16:52,832
I was supposed to be better than you.
1792
01:16:52,833 --> 01:16:55,540
- [chuckles] No offense.
- Please.
1793
01:16:55,541 --> 01:16:58,082
I had this fantasy
that I was gonna show up here
1794
01:16:58,083 --> 01:17:00,665
and like, buy everybody a round of drinks.
1795
01:17:00,666 --> 01:17:03,499
Like-- like, people were gonna be
impressed by that or something.
1796
01:17:03,500 --> 01:17:06,124
Well, you should do it.
Dude, I'd be impressed.
1797
01:17:06,125 --> 01:17:08,332
I've only seen that, what,
in, like, the movies.
1798
01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:09,957
Well, it's an open bar, so...
1799
01:17:09,958 --> 01:17:11,750
And besides, he would take forever.
1800
01:17:12,250 --> 01:17:13,750
Well, he's got the moon on his brain.
1801
01:17:14,250 --> 01:17:15,500
That's true. [chuckles]
1802
01:17:16,583 --> 01:17:18,082
Anyway, it's not even really my money.
1803
01:17:18,083 --> 01:17:21,541
It's my stupid, cheating,
rich husband's money.
1804
01:17:22,291 --> 01:17:23,666
How do you know he's cheating?
1805
01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:27,958
He comes home late,
like almost every night.
1806
01:17:28,333 --> 01:17:29,499
And he smells like vanilla.
1807
01:17:29,500 --> 01:17:31,082
- Mm.
- And I fucking hate vanilla.
1808
01:17:31,083 --> 01:17:32,707
And then I ask him
and he says he was working.
1809
01:17:32,708 --> 01:17:34,790
Like, where are you working,
fucking Cinnabon?
1810
01:17:34,791 --> 01:17:35,915
[chuckles]
1811
01:17:35,916 --> 01:17:38,124
Anyway, all I'm saying is that none of us
1812
01:17:38,125 --> 01:17:40,000
are where we thought we would be.
1813
01:17:41,666 --> 01:17:43,832
Do you wanna know the weirdest part?
1814
01:17:43,833 --> 01:17:45,582
I'm a loser at my own reunion.
1815
01:17:45,583 --> 01:17:46,707
I'm not getting the club.
1816
01:17:46,708 --> 01:17:48,833
I'm, like, fucking broke.
1817
01:17:50,125 --> 01:17:53,124
[sighs] And the thing I can't
stop thinking about is Abby.
1818
01:17:53,125 --> 01:17:55,082
Well, that's because
you can still do something
1819
01:17:55,083 --> 01:17:56,416
about that situation.
1820
01:17:57,041 --> 01:17:58,207
Okay, what do you mean?
1821
01:17:58,208 --> 01:18:00,915
You told her that she was
not ready for sex?
1822
01:18:00,916 --> 01:18:04,457
Sixty-nine, actually.
Different.
1823
01:18:04,458 --> 01:18:07,790
It's not technically sex,
although it's... wet.
1824
01:18:07,791 --> 01:18:10,332
Look, every girl has the right
1825
01:18:10,333 --> 01:18:12,625
to choose for themselves
when they're ready.
1826
01:18:13,625 --> 01:18:14,749
It's their choice.
1827
01:18:14,750 --> 01:18:17,125
- [♪ dance music softly playing]
- [people chattering]
1828
01:18:18,333 --> 01:18:19,790
I messed up, huh?
1829
01:18:19,791 --> 01:18:21,499
You may not be able
to get everything right,
1830
01:18:21,500 --> 01:18:24,750
but you can tell a good friend
when you're wrong.
1831
01:18:25,875 --> 01:18:29,708
Wow. Robin, you're a genius.
1832
01:18:30,375 --> 01:18:33,082
I can't be that smart,
I married that fuckin' idiot.
1833
01:18:33,083 --> 01:18:34,624
Whoo!
1834
01:18:34,625 --> 01:18:37,166
[♪ dance music playing]
1835
01:18:40,833 --> 01:18:41,916
Bye. [kisses]
1836
01:18:42,416 --> 01:18:43,583
Bye.
1837
01:18:47,208 --> 01:18:49,207
[Max] Holy shit, what a setup.
1838
01:18:49,208 --> 01:18:51,082
Oh, yeah, it's nothing.
1839
01:18:51,083 --> 01:18:53,332
- [♪ distant pop music playing]
- [distant party chatter]
1840
01:18:53,333 --> 01:18:54,874
You play Dead?
1841
01:18:54,875 --> 01:18:56,124
It's like my favorite game.
1842
01:18:56,125 --> 01:18:58,000
Really? Me too.
1843
01:18:58,666 --> 01:18:59,957
Sick.
1844
01:18:59,958 --> 01:19:02,666
[♪ muffled pop music playing]
1845
01:19:08,541 --> 01:19:11,041
♪
1846
01:19:19,083 --> 01:19:21,291
♪
1847
01:19:27,291 --> 01:19:29,582
- So this is your room, huh?
- [Abby laughs]
1848
01:19:29,583 --> 01:19:31,165
Yep.
1849
01:19:31,166 --> 01:19:32,833
[laughing] Oh, geez.
1850
01:19:34,500 --> 01:19:36,582
God, these are so stupid.
1851
01:19:36,583 --> 01:19:38,958
♪
1852
01:19:52,583 --> 01:19:53,915
Wait. I can't do this.
1853
01:19:53,916 --> 01:19:55,583
Oh, okay, yeah.
1854
01:19:56,375 --> 01:19:58,500
Um, I'm-- I'm sorry, I can't.
1855
01:19:59,083 --> 01:20:00,083
[sighs]
1856
01:20:00,791 --> 01:20:02,458
I can't 69 you.
1857
01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:05,665
I'm sorry, I-- I want to, I do.
1858
01:20:05,666 --> 01:20:07,749
I just, I c-- I can't.
1859
01:20:07,750 --> 01:20:09,332
Sorry, did you say 69?
1860
01:20:09,333 --> 01:20:11,249
Yeah, I know
it's your favorite position.
1861
01:20:11,250 --> 01:20:13,999
I just, I... I'm not ready.
1862
01:20:14,000 --> 01:20:18,374
I am physically ready
because I studied so, so, so hard for it.
1863
01:20:18,375 --> 01:20:24,250
But I-- Oh, I'm just not
emotionally or mentally ready.
1864
01:20:24,666 --> 01:20:26,499
Abby... [stammering]
what are you talking about?
1865
01:20:26,500 --> 01:20:28,625
I've never 69'd before.
1866
01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:30,958
Huh?
1867
01:20:32,083 --> 01:20:34,250
But Bernie said you love to 69.
1868
01:20:35,458 --> 01:20:36,583
Bernie said?
1869
01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:39,041
The mascot.
1870
01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:41,166
Why would...
1871
01:20:42,541 --> 01:20:46,041
Oh, no. No, I love number 69.
Jared Allen.
1872
01:20:46,541 --> 01:20:48,082
He played for the Minnesota Vikings.
1873
01:20:48,083 --> 01:20:49,499
My dad went to Idaho State with him,
1874
01:20:49,500 --> 01:20:51,250
so we got to go to his house once.
1875
01:20:51,583 --> 01:20:53,790
It was actually really dope.
He has two pools. Why does--
1876
01:20:53,791 --> 01:20:56,125
Are you fucking kidding me?
I hired a stripper to...
1877
01:20:59,333 --> 01:21:00,625
Never mind.
1878
01:21:01,750 --> 01:21:04,499
Wait, but you've been with Mercedes
for like your whole life.
1879
01:21:04,500 --> 01:21:08,083
Yeah, Mercedes is like super into J-dawg.
1880
01:21:09,041 --> 01:21:10,041
Jesus.
1881
01:21:10,833 --> 01:21:12,875
She's saving herself for marriage.
1882
01:21:14,166 --> 01:21:16,707
[♪ dramatic opera music playing]
1883
01:21:16,708 --> 01:21:18,207
[Abby] How could I have missed it?
1884
01:21:18,208 --> 01:21:20,875
I'm Mercedes, I'm your girlfriend.
1885
01:21:22,791 --> 01:21:25,249
I guess... Abby.
1886
01:21:25,250 --> 01:21:27,707
[♪ dramatic opera music continues]
1887
01:21:27,708 --> 01:21:28,958
[sobbing]
1888
01:21:31,083 --> 01:21:34,499
[Abby] Mercedes was a virgin,
which meant that Max...
1889
01:21:34,500 --> 01:21:36,124
- [♪ music stops abruptly]
- You're a...
1890
01:21:36,125 --> 01:21:38,208
- [♪ muffled pop music playing]
- [muffled party chatter]
1891
01:21:39,666 --> 01:21:40,833
Me too.
1892
01:21:42,791 --> 01:21:44,332
- Really?
- [Abby chuckles]
1893
01:21:44,333 --> 01:21:45,833
You think I've had sex?
1894
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:48,083
I don't know, I mean,
1895
01:21:48,666 --> 01:21:50,500
I didn't even know if you'd be into me.
1896
01:21:51,250 --> 01:21:52,250
[Abby scoffs]
1897
01:21:54,708 --> 01:21:56,915
[mouths] Oh, my God!
1898
01:21:56,916 --> 01:21:59,082
Wait, what were you saying
about hiring a stripper?
1899
01:21:59,083 --> 01:22:02,124
Oh, well, she's--
she's actually my friend.
1900
01:22:02,125 --> 01:22:04,332
Well, she was my friend.
1901
01:22:04,333 --> 01:22:05,750
What happened?
1902
01:22:06,750 --> 01:22:07,916
I screwed up.
1903
01:22:08,625 --> 01:22:12,500
I owe her big and I don't
really know how to repay her.
1904
01:22:12,750 --> 01:22:13,999
I'm sure you'll think of something.
1905
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:15,665
No, I-- I don't know.
1906
01:22:15,666 --> 01:22:18,165
I don't know what I can do to fix this.
1907
01:22:18,166 --> 01:22:19,500
I lied to her.
1908
01:22:21,625 --> 01:22:23,250
I mean, I kinda lied to you.
1909
01:22:23,791 --> 01:22:26,040
[scoffs] What?
What do you mean?
1910
01:22:26,041 --> 01:22:27,916
I knew you played Wild Wild Dead.
1911
01:22:28,708 --> 01:22:30,041
I follow you on Glitch. [chuckles]
1912
01:22:31,375 --> 01:22:33,374
What? How--
1913
01:22:33,375 --> 01:22:35,790
Wait, how'd you know it was me?
1914
01:22:35,791 --> 01:22:38,207
Well, between your username Abby-Cadaver
1915
01:22:38,208 --> 01:22:42,290
and this beautiful head of curls
you have... [chuckles]
1916
01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:43,957
...it was pretty easy.
1917
01:22:43,958 --> 01:22:45,625
Wow.
1918
01:22:46,708 --> 01:22:50,540
Wow. Max Warren follows me on Glitch.
1919
01:22:50,541 --> 01:22:52,790
Max Guilford Warren sure does.
1920
01:22:52,791 --> 01:22:54,207
- Guilford?
- Guilford.
1921
01:22:54,208 --> 01:22:57,041
But you know, I guess
you could say that I'm a follower.
1922
01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:00,874
But like-- like, not in a way
it would be weird
1923
01:23:00,875 --> 01:23:03,415
if we, like, kissed or anything.
1924
01:23:03,416 --> 01:23:06,458
- [♪ soft pop music playing]
- [both chuckle]
1925
01:23:11,541 --> 01:23:13,208
- Oh, my God, that's it.
- What?
1926
01:23:13,875 --> 01:23:15,665
I'm so sorry, I have to go.
1927
01:23:15,666 --> 01:23:17,374
[kiss smacks] Thank you.
1928
01:23:17,375 --> 01:23:20,250
♪
1929
01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:23,916
[people chattering loudly]
1930
01:23:27,166 --> 01:23:28,499
[shouting] Listen up!
1931
01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:30,833
- [chatter stops]
- Who here is 18?
1932
01:23:31,750 --> 01:23:33,416
[air horn blows]
1933
01:23:34,875 --> 01:23:36,875
[people chattering]
1934
01:23:38,958 --> 01:23:40,041
Ugh.
1935
01:23:44,666 --> 01:23:46,499
Bro, I've never done LSD.
1936
01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:49,165
Yeah, you're sure this is good quality?
1937
01:23:49,166 --> 01:23:51,000
[Nurse Appleman] This shit is vintage.
1938
01:23:51,833 --> 01:23:53,750
Have a good trip, fellow travelers.
1939
01:23:55,708 --> 01:23:56,833
[Santa Monica] Hello?
1940
01:23:58,458 --> 01:23:59,458
Abby?
1941
01:24:00,250 --> 01:24:01,832
[student] I feel like
it's kicking in already.
1942
01:24:01,833 --> 01:24:03,082
Hey, Abby.
1943
01:24:03,083 --> 01:24:05,000
[Nurse Appleman]
Man, it doesn't work like that.
1944
01:24:07,083 --> 01:24:09,040
Hey, you're Max, right?
1945
01:24:09,041 --> 01:24:10,499
Oh, crap, you're a cop, aren't you?
1946
01:24:10,500 --> 01:24:13,165
What? Wait. Do I look like a cop?
1947
01:24:13,166 --> 01:24:15,749
Uh, yeah, I mean, you look
professional and crap, so...
1948
01:24:15,750 --> 01:24:17,749
Okay. [sighs]
Where's Abby?
1949
01:24:17,750 --> 01:24:20,790
She said she had to do something to
get her stripper friend back or something.
1950
01:24:20,791 --> 01:24:22,166
She took most of the party with her.
1951
01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:23,915
Why didn't you go?
1952
01:24:23,916 --> 01:24:25,499
Uh, she only took people who are 18.
1953
01:24:25,500 --> 01:24:26,791
I'm 17, ma'am.
1954
01:24:27,916 --> 01:24:29,415
- Okay, thanks.
- [Max] Yeah.
1955
01:24:29,416 --> 01:24:31,291
Wait, did you and her...
1956
01:24:31,750 --> 01:24:33,125
like... [mumbling]
1957
01:24:33,833 --> 01:24:35,040
Sixty-nine. Did you sixty-nine?
1958
01:24:35,041 --> 01:24:36,749
Oh, uh, no, no. No, ma'am.
1959
01:24:36,750 --> 01:24:38,707
Uh, we-- we didn't even kiss.
1960
01:24:38,708 --> 01:24:41,749
[sighs] Why? You're too good
for her, Abercrombie & bitch?
1961
01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:42,832
What's wrong with you?
1962
01:24:42,833 --> 01:24:46,665
She's like fuckin' pretty
and you're like Tanathee Chalamet.
1963
01:24:46,666 --> 01:24:50,374
Uh, ma'am, I promise you
I am very into her, s-so, yeah...
1964
01:24:50,375 --> 01:24:51,457
Good boy.
1965
01:24:51,458 --> 01:24:53,000
She also said she wasn't ready yet.
1966
01:24:54,500 --> 01:24:55,583
Good girl.
1967
01:24:56,291 --> 01:24:57,582
And you gotta stop calling me ma'am.
1968
01:24:57,583 --> 01:24:59,541
I, like, just got health insurance.
1969
01:25:00,083 --> 01:25:01,291
[Max] Oh. [clears throat]
1970
01:25:01,916 --> 01:25:02,958
[sighs]
1971
01:25:03,625 --> 01:25:08,082
[♪ exciting music playing]
1972
01:25:08,083 --> 01:25:11,749
I always knew how I wanted
my first sexual experience to play out.
1973
01:25:11,750 --> 01:25:12,915
[person clearing throat]
1974
01:25:12,916 --> 01:25:16,916
I'd be effortlessly cool, irresistible.
1975
01:25:18,333 --> 01:25:20,665
I'd have all the right moves.
1976
01:25:20,666 --> 01:25:23,540
And no matter
how or where it happened, it would be--
1977
01:25:23,541 --> 01:25:25,500
I'm so bored!
1978
01:25:25,958 --> 01:25:27,958
[engine revving]
1979
01:25:28,541 --> 01:25:31,250
[♪ exciting music playing]
1980
01:25:34,875 --> 01:25:36,832
- [♪ gentle, inspiring music playing]
- All this to say,
1981
01:25:36,833 --> 01:25:39,000
I screwed over my friends to get a guy.
1982
01:25:39,625 --> 01:25:41,207
A great, great guy.
1983
01:25:41,208 --> 01:25:45,041
But a guy,
who turns out already likes me.
1984
01:25:46,291 --> 01:25:49,874
The point is, I shouldn't
have lied to Santa Monica.
1985
01:25:49,875 --> 01:25:52,665
- Show us your boobs!
- Shut the fuck up, asshole.
1986
01:25:52,666 --> 01:25:54,665
[DJ Don] Yeah,
show us your dick, meathead.
1987
01:25:54,666 --> 01:25:56,082
How do you like it?
1988
01:25:56,083 --> 01:25:57,832
I'm a minor, so...
1989
01:25:57,833 --> 01:25:59,375
Then don't show us your dick.
1990
01:26:00,916 --> 01:26:02,540
Okay, everybody, I need your help.
1991
01:26:02,541 --> 01:26:03,958
I owe her a lot of money.
1992
01:26:04,791 --> 01:26:06,041
Twenty grand, actually.
1993
01:26:06,583 --> 01:26:08,916
Yeah, I know, it's a lot--
it's a lot of money.
1994
01:26:09,875 --> 01:26:11,665
And I just told you a lot about myself
1995
01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:16,125
and that was terrifying,
but also weirdly liberating.
1996
01:26:16,625 --> 01:26:20,250
Anyway, I want to make things right.
1997
01:26:21,333 --> 01:26:22,708
We're still live, right?
1998
01:26:23,208 --> 01:26:24,333
Oh, yeah.
1999
01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:29,707
Um, I would like to thank,
uh, Destiny, Angel, and Betty
2000
01:26:29,708 --> 01:26:31,832
- for helping me pull this off.
- [Betty] Aw.
2001
01:26:31,833 --> 01:26:33,457
- [Abby] I couldn't have done this...
- What?
2002
01:26:33,458 --> 01:26:34,915
- [Abby] ...without you, and...
- Nothing.
2003
01:26:34,916 --> 01:26:36,499
- I don't give a shit.
- Okay.
2004
01:26:36,500 --> 01:26:39,665
So, to all my subscribers online,
2005
01:26:39,666 --> 01:26:44,415
the class of 2025,
and all you Diamond Dolls regulars,
2006
01:26:44,416 --> 01:26:51,166
I invite you to open
your hearts and your wallets.
2007
01:26:52,875 --> 01:26:55,665
Ladies and gentlemen
and high school children,
2008
01:26:55,666 --> 01:26:57,999
please give a warm Diamond Dolls welcome
2009
01:26:58,000 --> 01:27:01,874
to a young lady who is
a diamond in her own right.
2010
01:27:01,875 --> 01:27:04,665
Someone who has blossomed
in the time that we've known her--
2011
01:27:04,666 --> 01:27:05,916
Don, wrap it up.
2012
01:27:06,416 --> 01:27:07,416
Welcome Abby Flores!
2013
01:27:08,333 --> 01:27:11,790
[cheering and whooping]
2014
01:27:11,791 --> 01:27:13,749
[♪ "Old Time Rock & Roll"
by Bob Seger playing]
2015
01:27:13,750 --> 01:27:15,208
[cheering grows louder]
2016
01:27:17,333 --> 01:27:20,708
♪ Just take those old records
off the shelf ♪
2017
01:27:21,333 --> 01:27:22,790
♪ I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself ♪
2018
01:27:22,791 --> 01:27:24,750
Oh my God, those legs!
2019
01:27:25,416 --> 01:27:29,207
- ♪ Today's music ain't got the same soul ♪
- [DJ Don] Come on, Abby!
2020
01:27:29,208 --> 01:27:32,375
♪ I like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2021
01:27:32,916 --> 01:27:35,958
♪ Don't try to take me to a disco ♪
2022
01:27:36,791 --> 01:27:40,041
♪ You'll never even
get me out on the floor ♪
2023
01:27:41,041 --> 01:27:43,875
♪ In ten minutes
I'll be late for the door ♪
2024
01:27:44,583 --> 01:27:46,249
♪ I like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2025
01:27:46,250 --> 01:27:47,624
- Oh, no.
- Oh, she's stuck. She's stuck.
2026
01:27:47,625 --> 01:27:49,124
She looks like a rotisserie chicken.
2027
01:27:49,125 --> 01:27:51,457
♪ That old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2028
01:27:51,458 --> 01:27:52,832
- [metal clangs]
- [crowd] Oh!
2029
01:27:52,833 --> 01:27:55,666
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
2030
01:27:56,083 --> 01:27:59,124
♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪
2031
01:27:59,125 --> 01:28:00,415
Get the fuck outta my way.
2032
01:28:00,416 --> 01:28:03,374
♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2033
01:28:03,375 --> 01:28:06,750
♪ Oh! Still like that
old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2034
01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:08,499
[microphone squeals]
2035
01:28:08,500 --> 01:28:10,750
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
2036
01:28:11,416 --> 01:28:14,916
♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪
2037
01:28:15,416 --> 01:28:18,250
- Is she shooting her own titties?
- ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2038
01:28:18,958 --> 01:28:20,125
♪
2039
01:28:20,833 --> 01:28:23,290
Yeah, girl! Dance, you freak!
2040
01:28:23,291 --> 01:28:25,749
[crowd cheering]
2041
01:28:25,750 --> 01:28:29,083
♪
2042
01:28:31,375 --> 01:28:35,249
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
2043
01:28:35,250 --> 01:28:38,415
♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2044
01:28:38,416 --> 01:28:41,665
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
2045
01:28:41,666 --> 01:28:45,125
- [crowd cheering]
- ♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪
2046
01:28:46,083 --> 01:28:48,082
♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2047
01:28:48,083 --> 01:28:49,832
That's bad dancing.
2048
01:28:49,833 --> 01:28:53,125
♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2049
01:28:53,791 --> 01:28:56,457
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
2050
01:28:56,458 --> 01:28:58,374
- You weird little freak!
- Get 'em!
2051
01:28:58,375 --> 01:29:00,833
♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪
2052
01:29:01,625 --> 01:29:05,290
- ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
- [crowd cheering]
2053
01:29:05,291 --> 01:29:08,833
♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2054
01:29:09,458 --> 01:29:11,040
- ♪ That kind of music ♪
- She won the night!
2055
01:29:11,041 --> 01:29:13,082
- ♪ Just soothes the soul ♪
- That's my girl!
2056
01:29:13,083 --> 01:29:16,458
♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪
2057
01:29:17,333 --> 01:29:19,666
- ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
- Whoo!
2058
01:29:20,875 --> 01:29:24,083
♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
2059
01:29:25,750 --> 01:29:27,125
That's my girl.
2060
01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:29,290
I think I'm mad at her.
2061
01:29:29,291 --> 01:29:31,082
[♪ song fades out]
2062
01:29:31,083 --> 01:29:32,166
Sorry.
2063
01:29:33,250 --> 01:29:34,958
[people chattering]
2064
01:29:36,791 --> 01:29:38,540
Samuel Moros.
2065
01:29:38,541 --> 01:29:40,583
It's nice to meet you, Samuel.
2066
01:29:42,500 --> 01:29:45,207
- [Samuel Moros] Let me help you. [laughs]
- [Abby] Please do.
2067
01:29:45,208 --> 01:29:47,624
What a sweet kid to do that for ya.
2068
01:29:47,625 --> 01:29:50,457
Yeah, she's pretty great.
2069
01:29:50,458 --> 01:29:52,874
Just between us, if she wants
a summer job, shut it down.
2070
01:29:52,875 --> 01:29:55,082
Yeah, she can't dance for shit.
2071
01:29:55,083 --> 01:29:59,207
[scoffs] Oui, oui.
That's French for "I agree."
2072
01:29:59,208 --> 01:30:01,374
She was atrocious.
2073
01:30:01,375 --> 01:30:04,166
Oh look, an uncircumcised Dick.
2074
01:30:04,708 --> 01:30:05,833
It's Rick!
2075
01:30:07,708 --> 01:30:09,790
And judging by
that sad excuse of a talent show,
2076
01:30:09,791 --> 01:30:13,624
I'm guessing that you don't have the cash.
2077
01:30:13,625 --> 01:30:16,500
Well, don't worry, I am a good boss.
2078
01:30:17,583 --> 01:30:19,999
I really like to...
2079
01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:21,457
[smacking]
...take care of my girls.
2080
01:30:21,458 --> 01:30:22,541
[Rick chuckling]
2081
01:30:23,375 --> 01:30:25,790
- [patron] Oh, damn.
- So do I.
2082
01:30:25,791 --> 01:30:27,999
You're gonna regret that,
you stupid bitch.
2083
01:30:28,000 --> 01:30:32,833
The second I sign this paperwork,
I'm gonna throw you out on your ass.
2084
01:30:33,208 --> 01:30:34,957
[Santa Monica] If we raised the 20 grand,
2085
01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,875
you're never stepping foot
in this club again.
2086
01:30:39,333 --> 01:30:40,333
Alright, Abby, where are we at?
2087
01:30:40,916 --> 01:30:42,124
Samuel?
2088
01:30:42,125 --> 01:30:45,915
In-person donations, $3,187.
2089
01:30:45,916 --> 01:30:48,458
[crowd cheering]
2090
01:30:49,958 --> 01:30:51,707
Oh, and what's the number on Glitch?
2091
01:30:51,708 --> 01:30:54,582
Six thousand, seven hundred and twelve.
2092
01:30:54,583 --> 01:30:55,665
- Dude.
- Yes!
2093
01:30:55,666 --> 01:30:57,291
[cheering continues]
2094
01:30:58,000 --> 01:31:00,290
- [all exclaiming]
- Yes! Yes!
2095
01:31:00,291 --> 01:31:02,790
Oh, and, uh, 3,000 yen.
2096
01:31:02,791 --> 01:31:03,874
Oh!
2097
01:31:03,875 --> 01:31:05,374
[cheering and applause]
2098
01:31:05,375 --> 01:31:08,207
- Wait. No, no. That's like 20 bucks.
- Oh.
2099
01:31:08,208 --> 01:31:10,290
- [crowd] Ohh.
- [Samuel] Yeah.
2100
01:31:10,291 --> 01:31:12,999
Oh, wait, what about that
$5,000 deposit you gave Betty?
2101
01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:14,374
Oh, yeah.
2102
01:31:14,375 --> 01:31:16,082
[crowd cheering]
2103
01:31:16,083 --> 01:31:18,375
Oh, and how much did
we raise at the door?
2104
01:31:19,458 --> 01:31:21,915
I have a fear of public speaking.
2105
01:31:21,916 --> 01:31:22,999
- Come on, Dave.
Dave.
2106
01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:24,124
- Dave!
- Dave!
2107
01:31:24,125 --> 01:31:25,540
Around 800 at the door.
2108
01:31:25,541 --> 01:31:28,082
- [people clapping]
- [Betty] That's pretty good.
2109
01:31:28,083 --> 01:31:30,290
So, how much is that then?
2110
01:31:30,291 --> 01:31:33,749
Siri, find calculator app.
2111
01:31:33,750 --> 01:31:36,415
[people murmuring]
2112
01:31:36,416 --> 01:31:39,583
Anybody know
what the first one she said was?
2113
01:31:40,291 --> 01:31:41,707
It's not enough.
2114
01:31:41,708 --> 01:31:44,082
If you carry-- if you car--
if you carry the four...
2115
01:31:44,083 --> 01:31:45,332
Not enough.
2116
01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,915
[Angel] Shut up.
If you carry the four...
2117
01:31:46,916 --> 01:31:48,290
Still counting? It's not enough.
2118
01:31:48,291 --> 01:31:49,624
[murmuring continues]
2119
01:31:49,625 --> 01:31:52,125
[laughing] They did it!
2120
01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:55,540
Twenty thousand dollars!
2121
01:31:55,541 --> 01:31:56,665
- [crowd cheering]
- Yes!
2122
01:31:56,666 --> 01:31:58,457
[♪ upbeat music playing]
2123
01:31:58,458 --> 01:31:59,999
What?
2124
01:32:00,000 --> 01:32:02,832
- [cheering continues]
- Really?
2125
01:32:02,833 --> 01:32:05,082
- What? Yes!
- What? What?
2126
01:32:05,083 --> 01:32:07,374
- Wait, wait.
- [♪ music stops]
2127
01:32:07,375 --> 01:32:09,332
No, they're 4,300 short.
2128
01:32:09,333 --> 01:32:11,082
- [patron] Oh, man.
- [crowd] Aw!
2129
01:32:11,083 --> 01:32:12,540
For fuck's sake.
2130
01:32:12,541 --> 01:32:13,832
[DJ Don] What the fuck, Gary?
2131
01:32:13,833 --> 01:32:14,916
[crowd chattering]
2132
01:32:15,833 --> 01:32:17,708
- [Rick laughing]
- Don't worry, Abby.
2133
01:32:18,583 --> 01:32:19,582
It's okay.
2134
01:32:19,583 --> 01:32:24,166
Well, Betty, let's go sign
the paperwork in my new office.
2135
01:32:25,083 --> 01:32:27,541
Ladies. Arigatou.
2136
01:32:31,541 --> 01:32:33,208
Girls, I'm so sorry.
2137
01:32:34,541 --> 01:32:37,291
- I wish I could do somethin'. [whimpers]
- [Rick] Chop, chop, Spaghetti.
2138
01:32:39,333 --> 01:32:40,332
[sighs]
2139
01:32:40,333 --> 01:32:42,083
- [speaker] Maybe I can help.
- Oh.
2140
01:32:43,125 --> 01:32:44,416
Oh, where did it come from?
2141
01:32:46,333 --> 01:32:47,957
Robin, what are you doing here?
2142
01:32:47,958 --> 01:32:52,332
Well, apparently my husband
frequents this place.
2143
01:32:52,333 --> 01:32:53,875
Isn't that right?
2144
01:32:55,416 --> 01:32:57,457
So, I thought he could invest in a place
2145
01:32:57,458 --> 01:32:59,249
he cares about so much, don't you think?
2146
01:32:59,250 --> 01:33:02,665
And if it helps a friend out of a bind
2147
01:33:02,666 --> 01:33:04,916
while spending some of his money,
then it's a win-win.
2148
01:33:05,833 --> 01:33:08,249
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, he sucks.
2149
01:33:08,250 --> 01:33:11,291
Plus, don't question
a presidential decision.
2150
01:33:12,625 --> 01:33:13,874
- [Robin chuckles]
- We got it!
2151
01:33:13,875 --> 01:33:15,124
[crowd cheering]
2152
01:33:15,125 --> 01:33:17,290
- [whooping]
- [♪ upbeat music playing]
2153
01:33:17,291 --> 01:33:19,415
No, stop! Stop! Shut up!
2154
01:33:19,416 --> 01:33:20,915
- Shut the hell up!
- [♪ music stops]
2155
01:33:20,916 --> 01:33:22,000
I'm done with this!
2156
01:33:23,125 --> 01:33:26,540
Okay, I am done with
Magic Mike's awkward niece.
2157
01:33:26,541 --> 01:33:27,750
You're a terrible dancer!
2158
01:33:28,833 --> 01:33:30,790
I'm done with the Witches of Eastwick.
2159
01:33:30,791 --> 01:33:33,624
I'm done with... whoever the hell you are.
2160
01:33:33,625 --> 01:33:36,290
- I'm Robin.
- [Rick] [mockingly] You're Robin?
2161
01:33:36,291 --> 01:33:38,124
- Yeah.
- Alright, it's over!
2162
01:33:38,125 --> 01:33:39,582
The club is mine!
2163
01:33:39,583 --> 01:33:44,290
Betty, it is time to hand
the club over to me, right now!
2164
01:33:44,291 --> 01:33:46,832
You decaying excuse of a dancer.
2165
01:33:46,833 --> 01:33:49,666
Don't you ever...
2166
01:33:50,375 --> 01:33:52,791
ever call me a dancer!
2167
01:33:53,250 --> 01:33:58,124
I am Betty Spaghetti,
and I'm a goddamned stripper.
2168
01:33:58,125 --> 01:33:59,624
- [fist thumps]
- [crowd] Ohh!
2169
01:33:59,625 --> 01:34:01,332
Spaghetti!
- Ooh!
2170
01:34:01,333 --> 01:34:02,625
- [cheering and applause]
- Yes!
2171
01:34:05,583 --> 01:34:06,583
Yes!
2172
01:34:09,166 --> 01:34:11,332
Should I have the bouncer
throw him out on his ass?
2173
01:34:11,333 --> 01:34:12,416
Your call, boss.
2174
01:34:13,416 --> 01:34:15,125
[in unison] Boss lady.
2175
01:34:16,708 --> 01:34:19,165
- Let's go, numb nuts.
- [crowd] Oh!
2176
01:34:19,166 --> 01:34:20,540
[♪ upbeat music playing]
2177
01:34:20,541 --> 01:34:23,290
Hey! Watch the suit, danke schoen!
2178
01:34:23,291 --> 01:34:24,375
[Santa Monica] Hey, Rick.
2179
01:34:25,000 --> 01:34:27,499
That's sign language for fuck you.
2180
01:34:27,500 --> 01:34:29,415
- Yeah!
- [cheering and applause]
2181
01:34:29,416 --> 01:34:32,040
Oh, hey, hey! Next round's on me!
2182
01:34:32,041 --> 01:34:34,291
[crowd cheering]
2183
01:34:35,708 --> 01:34:37,540
If you're over 21.
2184
01:34:37,541 --> 01:34:38,624
[students] Oh.
2185
01:34:38,625 --> 01:34:41,290
[amplified] Bu-bu-bu-bummer.
2186
01:34:41,291 --> 01:34:43,790
- That works out in my favor.
- 'Kay, just you guys, then.
2187
01:34:43,791 --> 01:34:45,916
[Betty] More for us. More for us.
2188
01:34:46,666 --> 01:34:48,874
- [Santa Monica] I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
2189
01:34:48,875 --> 01:34:50,500
No, I'm sorry, Abs. I...
2190
01:34:51,625 --> 01:34:53,415
I shouldn't have said you weren't ready.
2191
01:34:53,416 --> 01:34:56,250
Thanks, but you're right, I'm not.
2192
01:34:57,583 --> 01:35:00,540
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
the truth about the money.
2193
01:35:00,541 --> 01:35:02,124
Come on, you're a teenager,
2194
01:35:02,125 --> 01:35:04,041
and you're supposed to do stupid shit.
2195
01:35:04,916 --> 01:35:07,208
- I guess.
- And speaking of,
2196
01:35:08,125 --> 01:35:09,374
how far did you get with Max?
2197
01:35:09,375 --> 01:35:11,415
Yeah, I think he likes me.
2198
01:35:11,416 --> 01:35:12,540
Well, he better.
2199
01:35:12,541 --> 01:35:14,916
But, uh, we kinda got interrupted
before anything monumental.
2200
01:35:15,666 --> 01:35:19,874
You, my dear, deserve monumental.
2201
01:35:19,875 --> 01:35:21,999
♪ We will find you ♪
2202
01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:26,249
♪ Acting on your best behavior ♪
2203
01:35:26,250 --> 01:35:31,083
Well, I have a shitload
of paperwork to do, thanks to you.
2204
01:35:32,375 --> 01:35:33,665
Have fun, Abby.
2205
01:35:33,666 --> 01:35:35,958
♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪
2206
01:35:43,333 --> 01:35:46,083
So, word on the street
is you got some killer moves there.
2207
01:35:46,958 --> 01:35:50,832
I do. I'm so glad
you didn't see any of it.
2208
01:35:50,833 --> 01:35:53,165
[Max] Oh. I guess I'll just have
to use my imagination.
2209
01:35:53,166 --> 01:35:54,750
Mm-hmm.
2210
01:35:55,625 --> 01:35:59,166
Oh, no. No, no. How?
2211
01:35:59,750 --> 01:36:01,374
Like I said, I'm a follower.
2212
01:36:01,375 --> 01:36:04,915
- God. [chuckles]
- ♪ Most of freedom and of pleasure ♪
2213
01:36:04,916 --> 01:36:08,332
♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪
2214
01:36:08,333 --> 01:36:10,124
I'm gonna kiss you, Cherry Worms.
2215
01:36:10,125 --> 01:36:13,207
♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪
2216
01:36:13,208 --> 01:36:14,332
'Kay.
2217
01:36:14,333 --> 01:36:18,290
♪ There's a room
where the light won't find you ♪
2218
01:36:18,291 --> 01:36:20,332
- ♪ Holding hands while-- ♪
- [Max] Ow.
2219
01:36:20,333 --> 01:36:21,415
Did you just pinch my leg?
2220
01:36:21,416 --> 01:36:23,000
Sorry, I thought it was mine.
2221
01:36:23,416 --> 01:36:25,375
Yeah, no, that's--
[laughing] That's fine.
2222
01:36:26,791 --> 01:36:30,999
♪ So glad we've almost made it ♪
2223
01:36:31,000 --> 01:36:34,957
♪ So sad they had to fade it ♪
2224
01:36:34,958 --> 01:36:40,957
♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪
2225
01:36:40,958 --> 01:36:43,499
♪
2226
01:36:43,500 --> 01:36:47,249
Then, add the, uh, uh, 3800,
2227
01:36:47,250 --> 01:36:50,750
plus, uh, the 6200,
2228
01:36:51,333 --> 01:36:54,333
and that equals $20,000.
2229
01:36:55,791 --> 01:36:56,915
[Abby] Bye.
2230
01:36:56,916 --> 01:36:58,041
[guests] Bye.
2231
01:36:58,791 --> 01:37:00,374
[Abby] You guys drive home safe, okay?
2232
01:37:00,375 --> 01:37:01,457
- 'Kay.
- [Abby] 'Kay. Bye.
2233
01:37:01,458 --> 01:37:02,624
[Santa Monica] Okay, responsible.
2234
01:37:02,625 --> 01:37:03,791
- [Abby] Yeah.
- [both laughing]
2235
01:37:04,750 --> 01:37:06,540
Thanks for getting me my first kiss.
2236
01:37:06,541 --> 01:37:08,416
- Thanks for saving the club.
- Yeah.
2237
01:37:09,041 --> 01:37:12,332
Hey, we hooked each other up
with exactly what we desired.
2238
01:37:12,333 --> 01:37:13,540
Yeah.
2239
01:37:13,541 --> 01:37:15,915
So, in a non-sexual way,
2240
01:37:15,916 --> 01:37:18,082
we kind of metaphorically 69'd.
2241
01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:19,915
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
2242
01:37:19,916 --> 01:37:22,250
Honestly, best 69 I've ever had.
2243
01:37:22,875 --> 01:37:24,374
- Really?
- No.
2244
01:37:24,375 --> 01:37:27,207
Real thing's actually really hot.
Or is it?
2245
01:37:27,208 --> 01:37:29,582
I don't know,
there's a lot of stuff in your face.
2246
01:37:29,583 --> 01:37:31,249
[yelling] What in the hell?!
2247
01:37:31,250 --> 01:37:33,415
- [♪ music stops playing]
- Oh, shit.
2248
01:37:33,416 --> 01:37:36,083
- I'm assuming those are your parents.
- [Margaret] [gasping] Oh!
2249
01:37:36,583 --> 01:37:37,750
Who are you?!
2250
01:37:38,708 --> 01:37:40,040
S-- Santa Monica, ma'am.
2251
01:37:40,041 --> 01:37:42,208
Hey, Mrs. Flores!
2252
01:37:42,708 --> 01:37:43,750
Lily Rose?
2253
01:37:44,916 --> 01:37:46,040
[gags and retches]
2254
01:37:46,041 --> 01:37:47,290
[both] Ohh!
2255
01:37:47,291 --> 01:37:49,125
Oh, dear God.
2256
01:37:49,833 --> 01:37:51,332
[laughing]
2257
01:37:51,333 --> 01:37:52,625
You just puked.
2258
01:37:54,041 --> 01:37:55,832
[Ron] What have you done, Abigail?
2259
01:37:55,833 --> 01:37:58,083
What do you have to say for yourself?!
2260
01:37:59,541 --> 01:38:01,541
[birds chirping]
2261
01:38:02,875 --> 01:38:04,125
I made a friend.
2262
01:38:05,250 --> 01:38:07,416
[♪ "Seaside" by Pop Noir playing]
2263
01:38:20,333 --> 01:38:26,333
♪ I look out on horizons ♪
2264
01:38:27,708 --> 01:38:32,541
♪ Always outward from the beach ♪
2265
01:38:35,083 --> 01:38:41,083
♪ And you bury me
in mounds of sand ♪
2266
01:38:42,416 --> 01:38:48,125
♪ Well does the moon
rise in the East ♪
2267
01:38:50,375 --> 01:38:53,707
♪ So, take it quiet
and take it quick ♪
2268
01:38:53,708 --> 01:38:57,915
♪ Or just hide
amongst the sheets ♪
2269
01:38:57,916 --> 01:39:01,207
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
2270
01:39:01,208 --> 01:39:04,916
♪ That emotion is just
beyond our reach ♪
2271
01:39:05,875 --> 01:39:10,875
♪ I visit the seaside ♪
2272
01:39:12,916 --> 01:39:17,332
♪ I'm standing on the beach ♪
2273
01:39:17,333 --> 01:39:20,332
♪ The beach, the beach, the beach ♪
2274
01:39:20,333 --> 01:39:26,041
♪ I'm coasting
in the shallows ♪
2275
01:39:28,000 --> 01:39:33,416
♪ I sing
when things get deep ♪
2276
01:39:35,708 --> 01:39:39,124
♪ So, take it quiet
and take it quick ♪
2277
01:39:39,125 --> 01:39:42,208
♪ Or just hide
amongst the sheets ♪
2278
01:39:43,416 --> 01:39:46,624
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
2279
01:39:46,625 --> 01:39:50,333
♪ That emotion is just
beyond our reach ♪
2280
01:39:58,708 --> 01:40:02,332
♪ Undertow ♪
2281
01:40:02,333 --> 01:40:05,750
♪ Pulls me down
and drags me deeper ♪
2282
01:40:06,291 --> 01:40:09,291
♪ I don't know ♪
2283
01:40:09,833 --> 01:40:13,582
♪ Is drownin' hard
or is it peaceful? ♪
2284
01:40:13,583 --> 01:40:16,874
♪ So, take it quiet
and take it quick ♪
2285
01:40:16,875 --> 01:40:20,166
♪ Or just hide
amongst the sheets ♪
2286
01:40:21,208 --> 01:40:24,457
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
2287
01:40:24,458 --> 01:40:28,707
♪ That emotion is just
beyond our reach ♪
2288
01:40:28,708 --> 01:40:32,374
♪ No, I can't stand it,
I can't stand it ♪
2289
01:40:32,375 --> 01:40:35,458
♪ Just hide amongst
the sheets ♪
2290
01:40:36,291 --> 01:40:39,499
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
2291
01:40:39,500 --> 01:40:41,624
♪ That I'll never really know why ♪
2292
01:40:41,625 --> 01:40:44,791
♪ I had to move so slow
you're out of reach ♪
2293
01:41:35,166 --> 01:41:37,375
[♪ song fades out]