WEBVTT FILE

1
00:00:41.308 --> 00:00:45.472
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:45.646 --> 00:00:46.979
Hey, hey

3
00:00:46.980 --> 00:00:48.539
Let's sweat!

4
00:00:49.316 --> 00:00:52.018
Macho, macho man
Macho man

5
00:00:52.019 --> 00:00:53.119
Come on!

6
00:00:53.120 --> 00:00:54.320
l've got to be

7
00:00:54.321 --> 00:00:55.555
That's right!
Shake it, honey!

8
00:00:55.555 --> 00:00:56.722
A macho man

9
00:00:56.723 --> 00:00:58.958
Macho, macho man

10
00:00:58.959 --> 00:01:01.327
Oh, yeah! Like a pony!
l'm a pony!

11
00:01:01.328 --> 00:01:02.628
l've got to be a macho

12
00:01:02.629 --> 00:01:05.932
Don't you feel like
a pony when you sweat?

13
00:01:05.933 --> 00:01:08.467
Oh, yeah! Yeah!

14
00:01:08.468 --> 00:01:10.269
Go! Do it!

15
00:01:10.270 --> 00:01:12.204
Come on! Here we go!

16
00:01:12.205 --> 00:01:15.733
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
One! Two!
This is my favorite exercise!

17
00:01:16.109 --> 00:01:18.110
Come on! Five!

18
00:01:18.111 --> 00:01:19.211
Whoa!

19
00:01:19.212 --> 00:01:20.313
Macho, macho man

20
00:01:20.314 --> 00:01:22.581
Macho! Macho! Oh!

21
00:01:22.583 --> 00:01:23.683
l've got to be

22
00:01:23.684 --> 00:01:24.750
l'm a pony!

23
00:01:24.751 --> 00:01:25.851
A macho man

24
00:01:25.852 --> 00:01:28.821
(ELECTRONIC SNORTING)
Come on, let's go!
Do it! Come on!

25
00:01:28.822 --> 00:01:30.389
l've got to be a macho

26
00:01:30.390 --> 00:01:33.326
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
l'm vogueing!
You can vogue!

27
00:01:34.628 --> 00:01:36.596
Can you feel it?

28
00:01:36.596 --> 00:01:38.631
l've got to be a macho man

29
00:01:38.632 --> 00:01:39.656
Oh!

30
00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:41.901
l'm going to have
an aneurysm.

31
00:01:41.902 --> 00:01:42.892
Oh!

32
00:01:43.603 --> 00:01:44.593
My calves are burning!

33
00:01:51.578 --> 00:01:53.779
This is our
science department.

34
00:01:53.780 --> 00:01:55.476
The genetics wing.

35
00:01:55.682 --> 00:01:58.948
l'll remind you we are
in the vanguard of research.

36
00:02:16.103 --> 00:02:18.137
(CHUCKLES)

37
00:02:18.138 --> 00:02:20.664
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

38
00:02:23.143 --> 00:02:27.774
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

39
00:02:32.386 --> 00:02:34.752
(TIRES SCREECHING)

40
00:02:40.260 --> 00:02:43.321
Get Klump in here now!

41
00:02:43.597 --> 00:02:45.264
BOY 1 : Professor Klump.
Good morning.

42
00:02:45.265 --> 00:02:47.333
GIRL 1 : Hey, Professor!
Good morning.

43
00:02:47.334 --> 00:02:49.268
BOY 2: Morning.
Morning.

44
00:02:49.636 --> 00:02:51.270
Morning.
GIRL 2: Good morning,
Professor Klump.

45
00:02:51.271 --> 00:02:52.432
How are you?

46
00:03:01.148 --> 00:03:02.411
Morning.

47
00:03:14.795 --> 00:03:18.856
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

48
00:03:33.847 --> 00:03:35.372
(BLOWER ENGINE STARTS)

49
00:03:41.054 --> 00:03:42.454
(SCREAMING)

50
00:03:44.491 --> 00:03:46.186
Oh, my goodness.

51
00:03:55.902 --> 00:03:58.304
Professor Klump. The cages.
What happened?

52
00:03:58.305 --> 00:04:00.339
That is most peculiar, Jason,

53
00:04:00.340 --> 00:04:02.508
because l distinctly remember
locking up last night.

54
00:04:02.509 --> 00:04:03.809
l locked these cages,

55
00:04:03.810 --> 00:04:06.145
picked up my portfolio
and turned around...

56
00:04:06.146 --> 00:04:09.047
(STUDENTS GASPING
AND CHATTERING)

57
00:04:12.018 --> 00:04:13.384
Oh.

58
00:04:14.154 --> 00:04:16.755
l must've grazed the switch.

59
00:04:16.756 --> 00:04:18.157
Shelley's the only one
that didn't get out.

60
00:04:18.158 --> 00:04:20.059
Good. l'll tend to Shelley.

61
00:04:20.060 --> 00:04:22.495
You students take care
of this. Excuse me.

62
00:04:22.496 --> 00:04:23.662
Hello, Shelley.

63
00:04:23.663 --> 00:04:25.998
How are you today,
my little powder puff?

64
00:04:25.999 --> 00:04:28.267
Yeah. Yeah.

65
00:04:28.268 --> 00:04:30.136
(MURMURING BABY TALK)

66
00:04:30.137 --> 00:04:31.370
Sir?

67
00:04:31.371 --> 00:04:33.272
You may want to look
at the latest test results.

68
00:04:33.273 --> 00:04:36.140
l'm not sure
if l'm reading them correctly.

69
00:04:38.145 --> 00:04:39.712
She's lost three ounces
since the last feed?

70
00:04:39.713 --> 00:04:41.147
Must be some kind
of mistake.

71
00:04:41.148 --> 00:04:42.376
(KEYBOARD KEYS CLICKING)

72
00:04:43.049 --> 00:04:44.350
No, no, Jason.

73
00:04:44.351 --> 00:04:47.548
Her entire molecular structure
has been realigned.

74
00:04:48.522 --> 00:04:51.056
We've done it.
This new formula's working.

75
00:04:51.057 --> 00:04:53.549
lt's actually reconstructed
Shelley's DNA.

76
00:04:53.927 --> 00:04:57.096
She lost 20%
of her body fat
in one feeding.

77
00:04:57.097 --> 00:04:58.564
What if we upped
the dosage?

78
00:04:58.565 --> 00:05:01.834
No, one step at a time.
We don't want
to jeopardize Shelley.

79
00:05:01.835 --> 00:05:03.335
We'll keep the feedings
as scheduled.

80
00:05:03.336 --> 00:05:04.370
Okay.

81
00:05:04.371 --> 00:05:06.533
Schedule. Excuse me.
l'm very late.

82
00:05:07.440 --> 00:05:08.841
Students, we got
a lot of work to do

83
00:05:08.842 --> 00:05:10.276
and don't have much time
to do it in.

84
00:05:10.277 --> 00:05:11.343
Trying to win a grant here.

85
00:05:11.344 --> 00:05:14.613
So, as Arsenio used to say,
"Let's get busy!"

86
00:05:14.614 --> 00:05:15.781
(SWITCHES LEVER)

87
00:05:15.782 --> 00:05:17.045
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

88
00:05:19.686 --> 00:05:22.121
(RUSTLING AND SQUEAKING)

89
00:05:27.594 --> 00:05:30.086
(CLEARS THROAT AND GRUNTS)

90
00:05:32.232 --> 00:05:33.995
(EXHALES SLOWLY)

91
00:05:35.569 --> 00:05:36.695
Comfy?

92
00:05:37.304 --> 00:05:38.498
Quite.

93
00:05:38.805 --> 00:05:42.875
Anything l can get for you?
Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?

94
00:05:42.876 --> 00:05:44.243
No, sir, l'm fine.

95
00:05:44.244 --> 00:05:45.234
(SNIFFS)

96
00:05:46.479 --> 00:05:48.345
(CLEARS THROAT)

97
00:05:54.154 --> 00:05:57.356
You did want to see me
about something,
didn't you, sir?

98
00:05:57.357 --> 00:05:59.725
Well, Professor Klump,

99
00:05:59.726 --> 00:06:00.960
allow me
to answer that question

100
00:06:00.961 --> 00:06:02.928
by posing another.

101
00:06:02.929 --> 00:06:04.997
Why are you trying
to destroy my school?

102
00:06:04.998 --> 00:06:06.265
Beg your pardon, sir?

103
00:06:06.266 --> 00:06:08.901
Do you know who
Louise Vindovik is?

104
00:06:08.902 --> 00:06:10.069
Oh, surely, sir.

105
00:06:10.070 --> 00:06:11.136
She's a lovely woman

106
00:06:11.137 --> 00:06:12.438
who so generously
donates money

107
00:06:12.439 --> 00:06:14.573
to help fund
our science department.

108
00:06:14.574 --> 00:06:16.609
Close. Very close.
But wrong.

109
00:06:16.610 --> 00:06:18.644
See, she was a lovely woman,

110
00:06:18.645 --> 00:06:21.313
and she used to fund
our science department.

111
00:06:21.314 --> 00:06:22.581
That was before
she was hospitalized

112
00:06:22.582 --> 00:06:23.782
for nearly swallowing
a gerbil.

113
00:06:23.783 --> 00:06:25.484
Not gerbil, sir. A hamster.

114
00:06:25.485 --> 00:06:26.719
Gerbils are more streamlined

115
00:06:26.720 --> 00:06:28.487
and hamsters have
a tendency to be fluffier.

116
00:06:28.488 --> 00:06:30.956
The male hamster's scrotum
has a tendency

117
00:06:30.957 --> 00:06:32.791
to be
disproportionately...

118
00:06:32.792 --> 00:06:34.158
Never mind.

119
00:06:34.594 --> 00:06:36.295
Those National Rifle people
are right.

120
00:06:36.296 --> 00:06:39.598
lf l had one now...bang.

121
00:06:39.599 --> 00:06:41.734
Sir, l'd like to concentrate
on the positives.

122
00:06:41.735 --> 00:06:45.004
What Miss Vindovik witnessed
was 5,000 healthy hamsters

123
00:06:45.005 --> 00:06:47.439
bred from a genetically
deficient hereditary line.

124
00:06:47.440 --> 00:06:49.170
lt's actually very exciting.

125
00:06:50.010 --> 00:06:51.910
Do l look excited, Klump?

126
00:06:51.911 --> 00:06:54.046
No, you don't look
excited at all.

127
00:06:54.047 --> 00:06:56.615
But maybe you might
be holding it in,
your excitement,

128
00:06:56.616 --> 00:06:58.676
not wanting to express it.

129
00:07:00.420 --> 00:07:03.617
Now listen to me carefully,
you fat tub of goo.

130
00:07:04.524 --> 00:07:07.459
For years you've
single-handedly alienated

131
00:07:07.460 --> 00:07:09.295
every wealthy donor we've had.

132
00:07:09.296 --> 00:07:11.730
Air-conditioning schools
are outdrawing us!

133
00:07:11.731 --> 00:07:14.533
We've lost so much money,
red is our school color.

134
00:07:14.534 --> 00:07:17.002
lnner-city schools have
better computers than we do.

135
00:07:17.003 --> 00:07:19.233
Bosnia wants
to give us money!

136
00:07:19.906 --> 00:07:21.974
l'm going to set up a meeting
with Harlan Hartley...

137
00:07:21.975 --> 00:07:23.242
Klump! Are you listening?

138
00:07:23.243 --> 00:07:24.543
Yes, sir. Yes.

139
00:07:24.544 --> 00:07:27.346
Hartley is the last
rich alumnus we've got.

140
00:07:27.347 --> 00:07:30.149
And he's a science fan.

141
00:07:30.150 --> 00:07:34.320
And he's considering
donating a $10 million grant
to this school.

142
00:07:34.321 --> 00:07:37.189
And l want that money, Klump.

143
00:07:37.190 --> 00:07:39.191
Yourjob depends upon it.

144
00:07:39.192 --> 00:07:40.592
l'll let you know
how to handle it,

145
00:07:40.593 --> 00:07:42.328
since l'll be watching you.
Now go.

146
00:07:42.329 --> 00:07:44.430
But, sir, l don't know
if you should...

147
00:07:44.431 --> 00:07:46.432
See, right back there,

148
00:07:46.433 --> 00:07:48.924
just before you said
"But, sir" right there?

149
00:07:49.703 --> 00:07:51.670
That was the end
of the meeting.

150
00:07:51.671 --> 00:07:53.839
Well, l guess l'll leave.

151
00:07:53.840 --> 00:07:55.808
You have a pleasant day.

152
00:08:16.896 --> 00:08:19.365
Grace, the cream
has turned again.

153
00:08:20.066 --> 00:08:21.397
(GASPS)

154
00:08:24.437 --> 00:08:27.172
PROFESSOR:
Of all the equations
you'll learn

155
00:08:27.173 --> 00:08:29.074
during the course
of your studies here,

156
00:08:29.075 --> 00:08:33.012
this equation shall be,
l promise you,

157
00:08:33.013 --> 00:08:34.546
the most helpful

158
00:08:34.547 --> 00:08:36.081
throughout the course
of your studies,

159
00:08:36.082 --> 00:08:40.019
because this equation
fundamentally breaks down

160
00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:43.881
what DNA is composed of,

161
00:08:44.691 --> 00:08:46.892
and what components of DNA...

162
00:08:46.893 --> 00:08:48.156
(GIGGLING CONTINUES)

163
00:08:49.462 --> 00:08:51.130
(LOUDER LAUGHTER)

164
00:08:51.131 --> 00:08:53.298
l seem to have messed myself.

165
00:08:53.299 --> 00:08:55.067
l haven't really
messed myself.

166
00:08:55.068 --> 00:08:56.835
l mean,
l messed my shirt up.

167
00:08:56.836 --> 00:08:58.504
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

168
00:08:58.505 --> 00:09:01.206
But make sure
you read chapter 4

169
00:09:01.207 --> 00:09:02.875
in your textbooks
on genetics.

170
00:09:02.876 --> 00:09:05.010
Gonna be a pop quiz
on Wednesday.

171
00:09:05.011 --> 00:09:07.708
There's a pop quiz. Pop quiz.

172
00:09:44.084 --> 00:09:45.711
WOMAN: Professor Klump?

173
00:09:55.094 --> 00:09:56.261
(MUMBLING) Hello.

174
00:09:56.262 --> 00:09:57.930
Oh. Hi. l'm sorry.

175
00:09:57.931 --> 00:09:59.031
l didn't mean to interrupt.

176
00:09:59.032 --> 00:10:01.633
l was looking
for Professor Klump.

177
00:10:01.634 --> 00:10:03.330
(SPITTING)

178
00:10:03.770 --> 00:10:06.105
l'm him. l'm he.

179
00:10:06.106 --> 00:10:07.971
l'm Sherman Klump.

180
00:10:08.741 --> 00:10:10.109
(GUM BALLS SCATTERING)

181
00:10:10.110 --> 00:10:11.677
Never mind.
l do that all the time.

182
00:10:11.678 --> 00:10:14.513
Makes the...table look
more festive,

183
00:10:14.514 --> 00:10:15.914
and the kids enjoy it.

184
00:10:15.915 --> 00:10:18.617
The yellow and green
and purple rolling around.

185
00:10:18.618 --> 00:10:20.652
The table's more colorful
and...

186
00:10:20.653 --> 00:10:23.088
Would another time be better?
l could always...

187
00:10:23.089 --> 00:10:24.289
No, no, don't be ridiculous.

188
00:10:24.290 --> 00:10:27.359
l'm between classes
and l got a minute to chat.

189
00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:28.560
(GUM BALLS SCATTERING)

190
00:10:28.561 --> 00:10:29.828
How can l help you?

191
00:10:29.829 --> 00:10:31.296
Hi. l'm Carla Purty.

192
00:10:31.297 --> 00:10:32.364
Hello, Miss Purty.

193
00:10:32.365 --> 00:10:33.966
l'm a grad student.

194
00:10:33.967 --> 00:10:37.135
l'm teaching
my first chemistry class
across the hall.

195
00:10:37.137 --> 00:10:38.604
Okay.

196
00:10:38.605 --> 00:10:41.306
l just had to come over
and introduce myself.

197
00:10:41.307 --> 00:10:43.308
l've followed your work
for many years,

198
00:10:43.309 --> 00:10:44.810
and l'm a big fan.

199
00:10:44.811 --> 00:10:47.312
Well, thank you very much.
l'm fatter...

200
00:10:47.313 --> 00:10:50.516
Flattered that you've
been following my work

201
00:10:50.517 --> 00:10:51.717
the way you have.

202
00:10:51.718 --> 00:10:53.318
A chemistry teacher.

203
00:10:53.319 --> 00:10:56.551
Chemistry sure is important
to have...chemistry...

204
00:10:57.657 --> 00:10:59.421
to have and use it.

205
00:11:00.693 --> 00:11:03.322
Chemically... Chemistry.

206
00:11:03.796 --> 00:11:04.863
Well...

207
00:11:04.864 --> 00:11:07.633
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
lt's been a pleasure
meeting you.

208
00:11:07.634 --> 00:11:10.364
Oh, the pleasure was all mine,
Miss Purty.

209
00:11:10.670 --> 00:11:12.337
And hope to see you around.

210
00:11:12.338 --> 00:11:14.273
Well, you can't miss me.

211
00:11:14.274 --> 00:11:15.741
(CHUCKLES)

212
00:11:16.409 --> 00:11:17.706
Have a good day.

213
00:11:17.977 --> 00:11:20.105
You do the same, Miss Purty.

214
00:11:24.117 --> 00:11:25.517
Mmm-mmm.

215
00:11:25.518 --> 00:11:26.685
(DOOR CLOSES)

216
00:11:26.686 --> 00:11:29.121
Now, that's fine. She's fine.

217
00:11:29.756 --> 00:11:32.020
(GUM BALLS SCATTERING)

218
00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:33.926
(LAUGHING)

219
00:11:33.927 --> 00:11:35.494
Oh, this is so fabulous.

220
00:11:35.495 --> 00:11:38.063
Ain't nothing like
getting together with family
and having a good meal.

221
00:11:38.064 --> 00:11:41.200
Cletus, take this bowl.
lt's hot.

222
00:11:41.201 --> 00:11:42.467
PAPA: God damn,
Sherman,

223
00:11:42.468 --> 00:11:44.236
it's almost like we don't
see your ass no more.

224
00:11:44.237 --> 00:11:45.804
Good to see you, Son.

225
00:11:45.805 --> 00:11:47.573
You think you too good

226
00:11:47.574 --> 00:11:49.908
to spend time
with your family
every now and then?

227
00:11:49.909 --> 00:11:51.209
l've been real busy,
Ernie.

228
00:11:51.210 --> 00:11:52.444
l don't want no potatoes.

229
00:11:52.445 --> 00:11:54.713
Mashed potatoes give me gas.

230
00:11:54.714 --> 00:11:56.415
ln my day, Sherman,

231
00:11:56.416 --> 00:11:58.517
people used to spend time
with they family

232
00:11:58.518 --> 00:12:00.919
on Sundays
and special occasions.

233
00:12:00.920 --> 00:12:03.121
Come around
and pay their respects.

234
00:12:03.122 --> 00:12:04.256
You mess around

235
00:12:04.257 --> 00:12:05.591
and miss little Ernie's
golden years,

236
00:12:05.592 --> 00:12:07.526
you're gonna be mad
at yourself.

237
00:12:07.527 --> 00:12:08.551
(BELCHES)

238
00:12:09.295 --> 00:12:11.355
Baby's got a little gas.

239
00:12:11.531 --> 00:12:13.158
(COUGHING)

240
00:12:13.566 --> 00:12:16.602
Here she goes.
Y'all better cover
your plates.

241
00:12:16.603 --> 00:12:18.870
Mama, have some water.

242
00:12:18.871 --> 00:12:20.439
(MUTTERING) Grandma,
you spit on me.

243
00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:22.574
What you talking about,
covering your plates?

244
00:12:22.575 --> 00:12:24.943
Not tonight, Cletus.
l'll kick your ass.

245
00:12:24.944 --> 00:12:26.745
Sherman,
l cooked all this food.

246
00:12:26.746 --> 00:12:28.547
ls that all you gonna eat?

247
00:12:28.548 --> 00:12:30.449
You supposed to eat that,
not scalp it.

248
00:12:30.450 --> 00:12:32.284
Daddy, all the calories
in the chicken

249
00:12:32.285 --> 00:12:34.753
are found in the skin.

250
00:12:34.754 --> 00:12:36.121
Where all the calories is?

251
00:12:36.122 --> 00:12:39.157
You know where that come from?
Watching that damn TV.

252
00:12:39.158 --> 00:12:40.492
Every time you turn it on

253
00:12:40.493 --> 00:12:42.728
somebody talking about
lose weight, get healthy.

254
00:12:42.729 --> 00:12:44.329
Everybody looking
all anorexic,

255
00:12:44.330 --> 00:12:45.597
talking about that's healthy.

256
00:12:45.598 --> 00:12:46.865
l know what healthy is.

257
00:12:46.866 --> 00:12:49.768
And l don't know why everybody
trying to lose weight

258
00:12:49.769 --> 00:12:50.869
in the first place!

259
00:12:50.870 --> 00:12:52.404
Ain't everybody supposed
to be the same size.

260
00:12:52.405 --> 00:12:53.705
We're all different.

261
00:12:53.706 --> 00:12:56.875
Big, small, medium, midgets.
You supposed to have all that.

262
00:12:56.876 --> 00:12:58.710
Everybody wants to be
the same size,

263
00:12:58.711 --> 00:12:59.811
like that Oprah Winfrey.

264
00:12:59.812 --> 00:13:01.446
She gonna lose her weight.

265
00:13:01.447 --> 00:13:04.249
Wasn't nothing wrong with her.
She was fine. Oprah was a fox!

266
00:13:04.250 --> 00:13:07.119
She lose all that weight,
her head look all big.

267
00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:08.286
And Luther Vandross.

268
00:13:08.287 --> 00:13:10.188
Nigger used to be
the black Pavarotti.

269
00:13:10.189 --> 00:13:11.990
Lost all that weight,
looking all ashy.

270
00:13:11.991 --> 00:13:13.825
Oprah and Luther need
to keep their ass one weight,

271
00:13:13.826 --> 00:13:15.027
'cause l'm confused.

272
00:13:15.028 --> 00:13:16.862
Yes, l hope nothing's wrong
with Oprah.

273
00:13:16.863 --> 00:13:18.297
She doesn't look well.

274
00:13:18.298 --> 00:13:19.631
There ain't nothing wrong
with Oprah.

275
00:13:19.632 --> 00:13:21.767
l seen Oprah on Hard Copy
last week.

276
00:13:21.768 --> 00:13:23.335
Was the picture of health.

277
00:13:23.336 --> 00:13:27.005
Got her a tall, young, strong
gentleman named Steadman.

278
00:13:27.006 --> 00:13:28.140
So handsome.

279
00:13:28.141 --> 00:13:29.207
(SINGING) Amazing grace

280
00:13:29.208 --> 00:13:30.509
She's my favorite
out of all of them.

281
00:13:30.510 --> 00:13:32.844
Jenny Jones, Marilyn Kagan,

282
00:13:32.845 --> 00:13:34.646
(SINGING CONTINUES)
Maury Povich.

283
00:13:34.647 --> 00:13:36.815
Letterman, Leno.

284
00:13:36.816 --> 00:13:38.817
Montell, Ricki Lake...

285
00:13:38.818 --> 00:13:39.951
l like Geraldo.

286
00:13:39.952 --> 00:13:42.087
Mike Douglas.
Oh, Mike Douglas.

287
00:13:42.088 --> 00:13:44.723
You know, Mike Douglas
used to make me moist

288
00:13:44.724 --> 00:13:45.791
when l'd watch his show.

289
00:13:45.792 --> 00:13:47.192
l admit it.

290
00:13:47.193 --> 00:13:51.562
Only white man ever did that
to me was Mike Douglas.

291
00:13:52.031 --> 00:13:53.465
l would like to volunteer

292
00:13:53.466 --> 00:13:55.200
to take this old bird
out of her misery.

293
00:13:55.201 --> 00:13:57.669
Cletus! Don't you dare
say that about Mama.

294
00:13:57.670 --> 00:13:58.837
GRANDMA: No, no, hold it.

295
00:13:58.838 --> 00:14:02.172
You ain't gotta protect me
from Cletus. Come on, Cletus.

296
00:14:02.709 --> 00:14:04.042
Come on over here.

297
00:14:04.043 --> 00:14:07.946
lt ain't but a short walk.
Come on over.

298
00:14:07.947 --> 00:14:09.281
You gonna limp back.

299
00:14:09.282 --> 00:14:11.883
You'll walk over,
but you're limping back.

300
00:14:11.884 --> 00:14:13.952
But don't let the gray hair
fool you.

301
00:14:13.953 --> 00:14:15.220
l ain't no easy win, nigger.

302
00:14:15.221 --> 00:14:18.623
Your problem is,
you don't work out.

303
00:14:18.624 --> 00:14:20.258
Look. That's all muscle.

304
00:14:20.259 --> 00:14:22.194
Oh.
ERNIE: You fat. l'm muscle.

305
00:14:22.195 --> 00:14:25.063
Oh, look at my little b...
He's a little Hercules.

306
00:14:25.064 --> 00:14:26.331
Show me your muscles again.

307
00:14:26.332 --> 00:14:29.468
Oh, Hercules, Hercules,
Hercules, Hercules!

308
00:14:29.469 --> 00:14:30.602
Once you work out,

309
00:14:30.603 --> 00:14:32.104
your metabolism starts
to speed up,

310
00:14:32.105 --> 00:14:34.706
you can eat
anything you want.

311
00:14:34.707 --> 00:14:36.074
He's so strong.

312
00:14:36.075 --> 00:14:37.976
Recent studies have shown
that certain people

313
00:14:37.977 --> 00:14:40.145
are genetically predisposed
to gaining weight.

314
00:14:40.146 --> 00:14:42.447
Someday we might even
find a cure.

315
00:14:42.448 --> 00:14:44.783
Only thing you need to study
is your ass.

316
00:14:44.784 --> 00:14:47.119
l got a big ass.
Your mama got a big ass.

317
00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:48.820
Cletus!
You do have a big ass.

318
00:14:48.821 --> 00:14:51.490
Asses is big in our family.

319
00:14:51.491 --> 00:14:52.824
You need to get used
to that.

320
00:14:52.825 --> 00:14:55.093
l don't care
what diet you go on.

321
00:14:55.094 --> 00:14:57.095
You can sew up your stomach
and your asshole,

322
00:14:57.096 --> 00:14:58.530
you gonna always be fat.

323
00:14:58.531 --> 00:15:00.932
All l'm trying to say is
scientific breakthroughs

324
00:15:00.933 --> 00:15:02.834
are occurring
all the time...

325
00:15:02.835 --> 00:15:04.403
The only thing
about to break through

326
00:15:04.404 --> 00:15:07.339
is your ass through the seat
of your pants.

327
00:15:07.340 --> 00:15:09.908
Sherman,
l think l do remember

328
00:15:09.909 --> 00:15:12.177
hearing something on TV
about colon cleansing.

329
00:15:12.178 --> 00:15:14.045
They say everyone
should have one.

330
00:15:14.046 --> 00:15:15.480
l'm thinking about
getting me an appointment

331
00:15:15.481 --> 00:15:17.249
and getting my colon
cleansed thoroughly.

332
00:15:17.250 --> 00:15:19.651
You want your colon cleansed?
l'm gonna clean mine.

333
00:15:19.652 --> 00:15:20.719
(LOUD FART)

334
00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:23.522
There. Now my colon is clean.
Squeaky clean.

335
00:15:23.523 --> 00:15:25.991
Every time we have a meal,
you break gas.

336
00:15:25.992 --> 00:15:27.926
Don't break gas
and destroy our meal.

337
00:15:27.927 --> 00:15:29.961
You the one that brought up
colon cleansing!

338
00:15:29.962 --> 00:15:32.597
l did not say anything
about breaking gas!

339
00:15:32.598 --> 00:15:34.499
You can talk about putting
a tube in somebody's ass,

340
00:15:34.500 --> 00:15:35.700
but l can't break wind.

341
00:15:35.701 --> 00:15:37.936
l didn't say nothing
about putting a hose
up nobody's ass...

342
00:15:37.937 --> 00:15:39.404
What you think a colonic is?

343
00:15:39.405 --> 00:15:41.373
You think you run your asshole
by the car wash?

344
00:15:41.374 --> 00:15:42.941
You're choking the baby.

345
00:15:42.942 --> 00:15:45.677
As long as l pay the bills,
l do what l want
at this table.

346
00:15:45.678 --> 00:15:46.745
Case in point:

347
00:15:46.746 --> 00:15:47.946
(LOUD FART)

348
00:15:47.947 --> 00:15:49.147
Who that called my name?

349
00:15:49.148 --> 00:15:50.882
Yeah, l called you
if your name is...

350
00:15:50.883 --> 00:15:51.873
(LOUD FART)

351
00:15:53.319 --> 00:15:55.520
Keep insulting me.

352
00:15:55.521 --> 00:15:58.223
l'll toss this between
the crack of your ass.

353
00:15:58.224 --> 00:16:00.258
l can go all night.

354
00:16:00.259 --> 00:16:01.326
(LOUD FART)

355
00:16:01.327 --> 00:16:03.361
l hope you fart
till your asshole falls out.

356
00:16:03.362 --> 00:16:04.496
(CONTINUES FARTING)

357
00:16:04.497 --> 00:16:05.964
(LAUGHING WILDLY)

358
00:16:05.965 --> 00:16:07.165
(LOUD FART)

359
00:16:07.166 --> 00:16:08.600
Oh, my baby too!

360
00:16:08.601 --> 00:16:09.901
(LOUD FART)

361
00:16:09.902 --> 00:16:11.469
Now see what you made me do?

362
00:16:11.470 --> 00:16:13.538
God damn it,
l messed up my pants.

363
00:16:13.539 --> 00:16:15.540
Damn, Daddy.
You got to clean
them yourself!

364
00:16:15.541 --> 00:16:16.741
You rotten.

365
00:16:16.742 --> 00:16:18.472
(ERNIE JR. CONTINUES LAUGHING)

366
00:16:18.845 --> 00:16:22.747
Oh, Lord,
this has been a fabulous,
wonderful, fabulous evening.

367
00:16:22.748 --> 00:16:25.150
Look. Them dogs done
tore up my garbage.

368
00:16:25.151 --> 00:16:27.118
Cletus, the dog's ripped open
the garbage again!

369
00:16:27.119 --> 00:16:29.688
PAPA: Shoot the damn dog!
l'm not shooting no dog!

370
00:16:29.689 --> 00:16:31.122
l'm trying to watch
Roseanne!

371
00:16:31.123 --> 00:16:32.824
Thanks for dinner, Mama.

372
00:16:32.825 --> 00:16:34.794
Sherman, what's wrong
with you?

373
00:16:35.628 --> 00:16:36.962
Baby, you still worried

374
00:16:36.963 --> 00:16:38.964
about what your father said
in there?

375
00:16:38.965 --> 00:16:41.333
Oh, Son, listen to me.

376
00:16:41.334 --> 00:16:43.501
You are special.

377
00:16:43.502 --> 00:16:45.103
When the good Lord made you,

378
00:16:45.104 --> 00:16:48.874
he made you beautiful
inside and out.

379
00:16:48.875 --> 00:16:50.809
You can do anything, Sherman.

380
00:16:50.810 --> 00:16:52.811
All you got to do is
believe in yourself

381
00:16:52.812 --> 00:16:54.279
and you can do anything.

382
00:16:54.280 --> 00:16:55.270
(CHUCKLING)

383
00:16:55.848 --> 00:16:57.578
You're so handsome.

384
00:16:58.150 --> 00:16:59.914
Give me some sugar.

385
00:17:02.355 --> 00:17:04.422
Love you, Mama.
Love you too, baby.

386
00:17:04.423 --> 00:17:07.225
Nighty-night. Oh, my baby.

387
00:17:07.226 --> 00:17:09.728
Sherman, Sherman, Sherman.

388
00:17:09.729 --> 00:17:10.719
Fabulous.

389
00:17:11.330 --> 00:17:12.831
Cletus, come clean
this garbage up!

390
00:17:12.832 --> 00:17:13.932
l'm watching TV!

391
00:17:13.933 --> 00:17:15.300
GRANDMA:
Get your lazy ass up.

392
00:17:15.301 --> 00:17:16.701
Mind your own
damn business!

393
00:17:16.702 --> 00:17:17.829
GRANDMA:
You lazy mother...

394
00:17:42.428 --> 00:17:44.021
(DOORBELL RINGS)

395
00:17:51.938 --> 00:17:53.303
Professor?

396
00:17:54.340 --> 00:17:57.435
Oh. Hi, Miss Purty...

397
00:17:57.843 --> 00:18:02.514
You caught me in the middle
of a little step aerobics
l was doing out here.

398
00:18:02.515 --> 00:18:05.484
Ninety-eight, ninety-nine,
one hundred.

399
00:18:06.352 --> 00:18:09.988
l looked your address up
in the faculty directory.
l hope you don't mind.

400
00:18:09.989 --> 00:18:11.356
No, not at all.

401
00:18:11.357 --> 00:18:12.824
What can l do for you?

402
00:18:12.825 --> 00:18:14.559
Oh, well, l was...

403
00:18:14.560 --> 00:18:15.550
(SIGHS)

404
00:18:16.896 --> 00:18:18.125
l was,

405
00:18:19.465 --> 00:18:22.298
l was wondering
if one night if,

406
00:18:23.269 --> 00:18:25.136
when you weren't busy.

407
00:18:25.137 --> 00:18:28.006
You get a little hungry,
you might want to,
you know...

408
00:18:28.007 --> 00:18:30.642
lf you planned on going out
to get something anyway,

409
00:18:30.643 --> 00:18:34.980
on an occasion like that,
you don't wanna
do that alone, so...

410
00:18:34.981 --> 00:18:38.212
Professor, are you
asking me out on a date?

411
00:18:41.587 --> 00:18:43.612
Yes. Yes, l am.

412
00:18:44.857 --> 00:18:46.291
l'd love to.

413
00:18:47.593 --> 00:18:48.660
Really?

414
00:18:48.661 --> 00:18:49.958
Yes.

415
00:18:50.630 --> 00:18:51.930
That's fantastic!

416
00:18:51.931 --> 00:18:55.166
We can go any place
you wanna go. Just name it.
We'll go there.

417
00:18:55.167 --> 00:18:58.136
There's a place
my students go to
called The Scream?

418
00:18:58.137 --> 00:18:59.971
The Scream?
l mean, if that's too...

419
00:18:59.972 --> 00:19:02.440
Oh, no, no, no.
l love to scream.

420
00:19:02.441 --> 00:19:03.675
(YELLING)

421
00:19:03.676 --> 00:19:04.776
(DOG HOWLING)

422
00:19:04.777 --> 00:19:06.678
Screaming's good for you.
Cleans the epiglottis.

423
00:19:06.679 --> 00:19:10.048
Get all the phlegm
and mucus down.
That's disgusting.

424
00:19:10.049 --> 00:19:11.616
Just tell me what night.

425
00:19:11.617 --> 00:19:12.917
How's Friday?

426
00:19:12.918 --> 00:19:15.086
Friday night's perfect.
The best night of the week.

427
00:19:15.087 --> 00:19:16.354
Friday night at 8:00.

428
00:19:16.355 --> 00:19:17.555
Friday night at 8:00.

429
00:19:17.556 --> 00:19:20.091
l'll see you Friday night.
We'll go to The Scream.

430
00:19:20.092 --> 00:19:22.861
lt'll be a scream
at The Scream.

431
00:19:22.862 --> 00:19:24.596
All right, Professor,
l'll see you then.

432
00:19:24.597 --> 00:19:27.198
Good night, Miss Purty.

433
00:19:27.199 --> 00:19:28.496
Good night.

434
00:19:29.668 --> 00:19:31.261
Yes!

435
00:19:32.838 --> 00:19:35.573
(MUTTERING) Yeah,
Friday night at The Scream.

436
00:19:35.574 --> 00:19:37.442
(CONTINUES MUTTERING)
Gonna scream.

437
00:19:37.443 --> 00:19:40.645
Friday night. Friday, Friday,
Friday, Friday night.

438
00:19:40.646 --> 00:19:42.580
Friday, Friday, Friday.

439
00:19:42.782 --> 00:19:44.340
(WHISTLING)

440
00:19:46.152 --> 00:19:48.486
(SINGING) l got myself a date

441
00:19:48.487 --> 00:19:50.688
Friday night at 8:··

442
00:19:50.689 --> 00:19:53.058
And l will not be late

443
00:19:53.059 --> 00:19:55.427
She might be my mate

444
00:19:55.428 --> 00:19:57.629
That would be so great

445
00:19:57.630 --> 00:19:59.798
Great, great, great
Great, great, great

446
00:19:59.799 --> 00:20:02.333
And l can hardly wait

447
00:20:02.334 --> 00:20:06.171
Lilo, Peabo, Lou Rawls,
Teddy Pendergrass. Teddy P.

448
00:20:06.172 --> 00:20:07.572
Number six! Yeah!

449
00:20:07.573 --> 00:20:10.338
(MID-TEMPO BALLAD PLAYING)

450
00:20:10.943 --> 00:20:13.978
(SINGING ALONG)
Close the door

451
00:20:13.979 --> 00:20:18.440
Let me give you
what you been waiting for

452
00:20:19.318 --> 00:20:22.153
Baby, l got
so much love to give

453
00:20:22.154 --> 00:20:24.089
Don't hurt them, Teddy P!

454
00:20:24.090 --> 00:20:27.787
And l wanna give it all to you

455
00:20:31.230 --> 00:20:33.927
l waited all day long

456
00:20:35.434 --> 00:20:40.270
Just to hold you in my arms

457
00:20:40.539 --> 00:20:45.410
And it's exactly like
l thought it would be

458
00:20:45.411 --> 00:20:50.582
Me loving you
and you loving me

459
00:20:50.583 --> 00:20:53.485
Oh, you know you gotta, gotta,
gotta close the door...

460
00:20:53.486 --> 00:20:55.854
(BANGING)
MAN: Shut the hell up
up there, God damn it!

461
00:20:55.855 --> 00:20:57.889
Sorry about that down there,
Mr. Wilson!

462
00:20:57.890 --> 00:21:00.024
Teddy P turned up
a little loud.

463
00:21:00.025 --> 00:21:01.559
Quiet down up there!

464
00:21:01.560 --> 00:21:06.264
There is a thin person
inside each and every one
of us!

465
00:21:06.265 --> 00:21:11.736
So give yourselves a big hug
and say, "Yes, l can!
Do that for me..."

466
00:21:11.737 --> 00:21:15.640
Thighmaster Plus
is designed to give you
better results quicker.

467
00:21:15.641 --> 00:21:18.872
l lost ten pounds
in two weeks.
Thanks, Megashake.

468
00:21:19.645 --> 00:21:22.342
(LUSH ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV)

469
00:21:38.564 --> 00:21:41.499
(PANTING)

470
00:21:53.445 --> 00:21:57.382
(BOTH MOANING)

471
00:21:59.919 --> 00:22:01.477
(CARLA SCREAMING)

472
00:22:06.158 --> 00:22:07.725
LANCE: (ON TV)
You're not pathetic!

473
00:22:07.726 --> 00:22:11.062
People, pounds do not
lose themselves!

474
00:22:11.063 --> 00:22:15.466
You have to work, work, work!
Everybody, up! Come on! Up!

475
00:22:15.467 --> 00:22:17.902
You too at home!
Everybody up and say,

476
00:22:17.903 --> 00:22:20.371
LANCE AND AUDIENCE:
"Yes, l can!"

477
00:22:20.372 --> 00:22:22.340
LANCE: Say it again.

478
00:22:22.341 --> 00:22:26.444
(STOMPING)
PROFESSOR AND AUDIENCE:
Yes, l can! Yes, l can! Yes...

479
00:22:26.445 --> 00:22:28.680
MR. WILSON: Quiet down,
God damn it!
Sorry!

480
00:22:28.681 --> 00:22:30.315
Klump, shut up!
l can!

481
00:22:30.316 --> 00:22:35.379
l'm so excited
and l just can't hide it

482
00:22:36.555 --> 00:22:39.786
l'm about to lose control
and l think l like it

483
00:22:40.793 --> 00:22:42.994
l'm so excited

484
00:22:42.995 --> 00:22:46.764
And l just can't hide it

485
00:22:46.765 --> 00:22:49.000
And l know, l know
l know, l know

486
00:22:49.001 --> 00:22:50.662
l know l want you

487
00:22:51.971 --> 00:22:55.573
We shouldn't even think
about tomorrow

488
00:22:55.574 --> 00:22:57.242
Still hungry?

489
00:22:57.243 --> 00:23:01.543
Sweet memories will last
a long, long time

490
00:23:02.448 --> 00:23:06.384
We'll have a good time,
baby, don't you worry

491
00:23:07.019 --> 00:23:08.086
(BREATHING SHARPLY)

492
00:23:08.087 --> 00:23:09.787
And if we're still
playing around

493
00:23:09.788 --> 00:23:11.389
Boy, that's just fine

494
00:23:11.390 --> 00:23:12.490
(STRANGULATED) Help.

495
00:23:12.491 --> 00:23:14.893
Let's get excited

496
00:23:14.894 --> 00:23:15.960
We just can't hide it

497
00:23:15.961 --> 00:23:17.328
Still hungry?

498
00:23:17.329 --> 00:23:18.696
Oh, no

499
00:23:18.697 --> 00:23:20.632
I know, I know, I know, I know

500
00:23:20.633 --> 00:23:22.267
I know I want you

501
00:23:22.268 --> 00:23:23.599
I want you

502
00:23:31.243 --> 00:23:33.511
Maybe you should try
Jenny Craig.

503
00:23:33.512 --> 00:23:36.748
Oh, I want to love you,
feel you

504
00:23:36.749 --> 00:23:38.983
Wrap myself around you

505
00:23:38.984 --> 00:23:41.052
l want to squeeze you,
tease you

506
00:23:41.053 --> 00:23:42.587
One hand on you!

507
00:23:42.588 --> 00:23:44.389
l just can't get enough

508
00:23:44.390 --> 00:23:47.492
And if you move real slow
l'll let it go

509
00:23:47.493 --> 00:23:49.227
GROUP: Whoo!

510
00:23:49.228 --> 00:23:51.162
l'm so excited

511
00:23:51.163 --> 00:23:53.431
Ooh-wee
And l just can't hide it

512
00:23:53.432 --> 00:23:54.532
No, no, no, no, no

513
00:23:54.533 --> 00:23:55.633
(GRUNTS) Yeah! Yeah!

514
00:23:55.634 --> 00:23:57.468
l know, l know, l know,
l know, l know l want you

515
00:23:57.469 --> 00:23:59.070
Yeah!

516
00:23:59.071 --> 00:24:01.039
l want you

517
00:24:01.040 --> 00:24:03.374
Look what you do to me

518
00:24:03.375 --> 00:24:04.575
Yeah!

519
00:24:04.576 --> 00:24:05.877
You got me burning up

520
00:24:05.878 --> 00:24:08.246
Oh-oh-oh-oh now

521
00:24:08.247 --> 00:24:09.414
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)

522
00:24:09.415 --> 00:24:11.916
Baby, l'm so excited

523
00:24:11.917 --> 00:24:14.750
MONTELL JORDAN: (SINGING)
This is how we do it

524
00:24:16.455 --> 00:24:18.790
Come on, come on,
come on. Right there.

525
00:24:18.791 --> 00:24:20.858
This is how we do it

526
00:24:20.859 --> 00:24:25.196
lt's Friday night,
and l feel all right

527
00:24:25.197 --> 00:24:27.865
The party's here
on the west side

528
00:24:27.866 --> 00:24:30.902
So l reached for my 40
and l turned it up...

529
00:24:30.903 --> 00:24:32.737
Oh, excuse me. Hey!

530
00:24:32.738 --> 00:24:34.772
Professor K,
how's it going?
l'm good, David.

531
00:24:34.773 --> 00:24:36.841
What are you
doing here?

532
00:24:36.842 --> 00:24:38.367
Got a date.

533
00:24:39.011 --> 00:24:41.346
You have a date?
Good luck, Professor.

534
00:24:41.347 --> 00:24:42.981
Yeah, see you next week now.

535
00:24:42.982 --> 00:24:45.216
The guys and l
All the gang-bangers

536
00:24:45.217 --> 00:24:47.518
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Sorry about that.

537
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:50.722
Oh. Oh. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

538
00:24:50.723 --> 00:24:52.857
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

539
00:24:52.858 --> 00:24:54.158
(GASPING)

540
00:24:54.159 --> 00:24:55.993
Sorry about that.
Excuse me.

541
00:24:55.994 --> 00:25:00.431
Sorry about that. Excuse me.
Excuse me!

542
00:25:00.432 --> 00:25:02.166
Thank you.

543
00:25:02.167 --> 00:25:04.435
Wow, these are
great seats, Professor.

544
00:25:04.436 --> 00:25:07.772
Oh, yeah. Listen,
don't call me Professor.

545
00:25:07.773 --> 00:25:11.542
Call me Sherman, all right?
Sherman.

546
00:25:11.543 --> 00:25:14.172
Well, l'm glad
we did this, Sherman.

547
00:25:14.580 --> 00:25:17.515
JORDAN: (SINGING)
With a different type
of swing, you know

548
00:25:17.516 --> 00:25:19.650
Something for the honeys

549
00:25:19.651 --> 00:25:21.176
So am l.

550
00:25:21.720 --> 00:25:23.021
So am l!

551
00:25:23.022 --> 00:25:25.289
Something for the honeys

552
00:25:25.290 --> 00:25:26.924
Here's the menu.

553
00:25:26.925 --> 00:25:29.460
Ooh, summertime

554
00:25:29.461 --> 00:25:32.730
No funner time
for me to kick it with you

555
00:25:32.731 --> 00:25:34.866
To find something someone...

556
00:25:34.867 --> 00:25:36.567
CARLA: So you altered
her genes?

557
00:25:36.568 --> 00:25:37.869
Yes, yes.

558
00:25:37.870 --> 00:25:41.639
And if l hadn't done it,
Shelley would be
in hamster heaven right now.

559
00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:44.242
Sherman,
you are absolutely amazing.

560
00:25:44.243 --> 00:25:46.577
We do what we can,
you know?

561
00:25:46.578 --> 00:25:50.581
Got to keep on trying.
Got to keep on pushing.

562
00:25:50.582 --> 00:25:53.780
Something for you and you

563
00:25:54.653 --> 00:25:58.089
And for you and for you.

564
00:25:58.090 --> 00:26:00.252
Let's go. Let's go.

565
00:26:01.326 --> 00:26:03.694
MAN: Montell Jordan!

566
00:26:03.695 --> 00:26:05.163
They were wonderful.

567
00:26:05.164 --> 00:26:08.466
All right, all right.
Let's keep this show rolling.

568
00:26:08.467 --> 00:26:09.801
Ladies and gentlemen...
He was good.

569
00:26:09.802 --> 00:26:12.837
...you've seen him
on Def Comedy Jam many times.

570
00:26:12.838 --> 00:26:15.773
Y'all give it up for my man,
Reggie Warrington!

571
00:26:15.774 --> 00:26:17.008
Give it up!

572
00:26:17.009 --> 00:26:18.841
(CROWD APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING)

573
00:26:22.915 --> 00:26:24.849
JAMES BROWN:
(SINGING ON STEREO) Watch me

574
00:26:24.850 --> 00:26:29.387
Watch me. l got it, watch me

575
00:26:29.388 --> 00:26:31.522
He sure is animated.

576
00:26:31.523 --> 00:26:33.321
Yeah!

577
00:26:34.560 --> 00:26:35.793
What's up?

578
00:26:35.794 --> 00:26:37.195
(CROWD CHATTERING)

579
00:26:37.196 --> 00:26:38.930
l said, "What's up"?

580
00:26:38.931 --> 00:26:40.398
Hey!

581
00:26:40.399 --> 00:26:42.366
Women be shopping, baby.

582
00:26:42.367 --> 00:26:43.701
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

583
00:26:43.702 --> 00:26:46.070
Women be shopping!

584
00:26:46.071 --> 00:26:48.563
You can't stop a woman
from shopping, baby!

585
00:26:49.274 --> 00:26:51.142
That's true. Women do shop.

586
00:26:51.143 --> 00:26:52.610
lt is true.

587
00:26:52.611 --> 00:26:54.612
See what we got in here
tonight. Oh, my God!

588
00:26:54.613 --> 00:26:56.013
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

589
00:26:56.014 --> 00:26:58.916
She's unbe-weave-able.
Look at this.

590
00:26:58.917 --> 00:27:01.652
Look like a hair full
of curly fries.

591
00:27:01.653 --> 00:27:03.588
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

592
00:27:04.256 --> 00:27:05.655
(LAUGHING)

593
00:27:09.428 --> 00:27:11.762
Hey, look at this white dude
right here.

594
00:27:11.763 --> 00:27:15.666
What is a weave exactly?
Huh?

595
00:27:17.769 --> 00:27:18.759
(LAUGHING)

596
00:27:19.571 --> 00:27:23.274
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!

597
00:27:23.275 --> 00:27:28.045
Baby, no! She got more
extensions than AT·T.

598
00:27:28.046 --> 00:27:30.481
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND LAUGHING)

599
00:27:32.584 --> 00:27:34.152
Excuse me. l'm gonna go
to the rest room.

600
00:27:34.153 --> 00:27:35.620
Oh, boy, l'm hot!

601
00:27:35.621 --> 00:27:37.955
Sorry about that, ma'am.
Let me pick that up for you.

602
00:27:37.956 --> 00:27:39.156
(WHOOPS)

603
00:27:39.157 --> 00:27:41.492
lt's a full moon tonight!

604
00:27:41.493 --> 00:27:43.359
(HOWLING)

605
00:27:43.529 --> 00:27:46.430
l think l found
where they hid Jimmy Hoffa!

606
00:27:47.799 --> 00:27:49.165
(LAUGHING) Excuse me.

607
00:27:50.435 --> 00:27:52.199
(CHUCKLING)

608
00:27:52.437 --> 00:27:55.239
Yeah,
that's a good one there.

609
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:58.342
You got more crack
than Harlem. Look at that!

610
00:27:58.343 --> 00:27:59.606
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

611
00:28:02.114 --> 00:28:06.278
Boy's so fat,
every time he turns around,
it's his birthday!

612
00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:10.121
Got to put his belt on
with a boomerang.

613
00:28:10.122 --> 00:28:11.255
(lMITATING BOOMERANG)

614
00:28:11.256 --> 00:28:12.246
Bang!

615
00:28:15.460 --> 00:28:20.197
Yeah. Okay, all right, now.
That's it. You got me.

616
00:28:20.198 --> 00:28:23.734
No, l ain't got you, yet.
Should l get him?

617
00:28:23.735 --> 00:28:25.336
AUDIENCE: Yeah!

618
00:28:25.337 --> 00:28:26.671
Should l get him?

619
00:28:26.672 --> 00:28:28.172
AUDIENCE: Yeah!

620
00:28:28.173 --> 00:28:30.541
Oh, look at this.
He's with a woman, too.

621
00:28:30.542 --> 00:28:32.877
AUDIENCE: Aw!
Oh, no!

622
00:28:32.878 --> 00:28:35.711
Who is sucking whose titties
over here?

623
00:28:35.847 --> 00:28:38.043
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING
UPROARIOUSLY)

624
00:28:45.123 --> 00:28:49.760
Last time this brother
felt a breast,
it was in a bucket of KFC.

625
00:28:49.761 --> 00:28:52.530
Extra crispy!

626
00:28:52.531 --> 00:28:55.523
Every time he goes
to Sea World, they pay him!

627
00:28:57.803 --> 00:29:01.432
He must be on that new diet,
Slim Slow.

628
00:29:02.674 --> 00:29:04.041
He go outside
with a red shirt on,

629
00:29:04.042 --> 00:29:05.576
and all the kids
in the neighborhood say,

630
00:29:05.577 --> 00:29:08.112
"Hey! Kool-Aid!"

631
00:29:08.113 --> 00:29:12.277
Yeah, man, l bet
l cut his fat ass open,
it'd bleed chocolate milk.

632
00:29:13.485 --> 00:29:16.147
What would you do
for a Klondike bar?

633
00:29:18.924 --> 00:29:23.122
Now we know what's eating
Gilbert Grape, don't we?

634
00:29:29.301 --> 00:29:32.430
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

635
00:29:37.175 --> 00:29:40.144
Thank you for dinner
tonight, Sherman.
That was very sweet.

636
00:29:40.145 --> 00:29:41.704
You're welcome.

637
00:29:47.719 --> 00:29:50.211
Look, that comic tonight,
he was...

638
00:29:52.758 --> 00:29:55.158
Sherman, you are
a brilliant man.

639
00:30:03.235 --> 00:30:05.397
You have a pleasant evening.

640
00:30:07.306 --> 00:30:08.671
Good night.

641
00:30:13.645 --> 00:30:14.942
(KEYS JINGLING)

642
00:30:25.357 --> 00:30:26.517
(DOOR CLOSES)

643
00:30:39.905 --> 00:30:44.075
His fraternity
was having this thing
called Pig Day.

644
00:30:44.076 --> 00:30:46.210
That's the only reason
he asked me out.

645
00:30:46.211 --> 00:30:50.348
To make fun of you?
Why do we do this
to ourselves?

646
00:30:50.349 --> 00:30:53.417
Every time we get depressed,
we eat and eat and eat.

647
00:30:53.418 --> 00:30:55.920
You go to the store
and buy those little
candy bars in the bag,

648
00:30:55.921 --> 00:30:58.422
and before you know it,
the whole bag is empty.

649
00:30:58.423 --> 00:31:02.760
Then at the end, you feel
just like that bag.
Empty inside.

650
00:31:02.761 --> 00:31:05.062
(SOBBING)
Don't you?

651
00:31:05.063 --> 00:31:09.033
(WOMAN SOBBING)
lt's okay. lt's all right.
Just get it all out.

652
00:31:09.034 --> 00:31:10.334
(SOBBING CONTINUES)

653
00:31:10.335 --> 00:31:13.070
Say, "Yes, l can."
Say that.

654
00:31:13.071 --> 00:31:14.605
Yes, l can.

655
00:31:14.606 --> 00:31:15.835
(SOBBING CONTINUES)

656
00:31:16.675 --> 00:31:18.575
(SOBBING) Yes, we can.

657
00:31:19.678 --> 00:31:21.312
(SOBBING)

658
00:31:21.313 --> 00:31:22.610
Can we go to commercial?

659
00:31:23.381 --> 00:31:26.383
l want him prepped
and ready immediately.
Yes, Doctor.

660
00:31:26.384 --> 00:31:29.920
Call Dr. Matthews.
l'm going to need
a lot of help on this one.

661
00:31:29.921 --> 00:31:32.389
Let's move it.
You know the routine.

662
00:31:32.390 --> 00:31:34.692
Get that crash cart here
stat!

663
00:31:34.693 --> 00:31:36.727
Blood pressure,
14· over 9· and rising.

664
00:31:36.728 --> 00:31:38.028
MAN: We need
that lV rig in now!

665
00:31:38.029 --> 00:31:39.363
IV rig coming in.

666
00:31:39.364 --> 00:31:42.600
Give me four cc's of Ambethol.
l don't know how much more
he can take.

667
00:31:42.601 --> 00:31:44.602
We need the EKG cart
in here now.

668
00:31:44.603 --> 00:31:48.139
Blood pressure, 1·0 over 1 10
and still climbing.

669
00:31:48.140 --> 00:31:49.607
What's the status?

670
00:31:49.608 --> 00:31:51.175
He's getting fatter.
We can't stop it.

671
00:31:51.176 --> 00:31:52.476
Damn!

672
00:31:52.477 --> 00:31:53.978
Blood pressure,
200 over 140!

673
00:31:53.979 --> 00:31:56.247
(ALARM BEEPING)
Oh, my God!

674
00:31:56.248 --> 00:31:57.615
He's gonna explode!

675
00:31:57.616 --> 00:31:58.883
l'm getting out of here!

676
00:31:58.884 --> 00:32:01.419
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Nurse!

677
00:32:01.420 --> 00:32:03.547
Wait! Wait!

678
00:32:04.055 --> 00:32:05.856
(RUMBLING)

679
00:32:05.857 --> 00:32:08.258
(THUNDERCLAP)

680
00:32:14.566 --> 00:32:16.534
(CROWD SCREAMING)

681
00:32:17.369 --> 00:32:19.098
What's going on?

682
00:32:19.471 --> 00:32:21.633
(CROWD SCREAMING)

683
00:32:23.575 --> 00:32:26.510
Oh, my God! Get out of here!
Get out of here!

684
00:32:26.511 --> 00:32:31.348
Hey, everyone,
run for the hills!
lt's Fat-zilla!

685
00:32:31.349 --> 00:32:33.317
He look like King Kong
with titties.

686
00:32:33.318 --> 00:32:37.254
Sherman! l brought you some
nice fried chicken, Sherman.

687
00:32:37.255 --> 00:32:39.290
Oh, you look fabulous!

688
00:32:39.291 --> 00:32:41.282
(LAUGHING)

689
00:32:42.894 --> 00:32:43.918
(GASPS)

690
00:32:44.963 --> 00:32:45.987
(GLASS BREAKING)

691
00:32:47.265 --> 00:32:48.665
(SCREAMS)

692
00:32:57.609 --> 00:32:59.976
(PROFESSOR BURPING)

693
00:33:02.113 --> 00:33:04.082
(BURPING CONTINUES)

694
00:33:06.518 --> 00:33:08.077
(MOANING)

695
00:33:08.820 --> 00:33:10.187
MAN: Oh, my God!

696
00:33:10.188 --> 00:33:12.157
He's gonna blow!

697
00:33:13.458 --> 00:33:15.051
(FARTING)

698
00:33:18.463 --> 00:33:19.828
(SCREAMING)

699
00:33:20.599 --> 00:33:23.796
Way to go, Son!
That's my boy!

700
00:33:25.804 --> 00:33:27.499
No!

701
00:33:31.776 --> 00:33:33.711
(GASPING AND PANTING)

702
00:33:34.246 --> 00:33:35.679
Huh?

703
00:33:56.968 --> 00:33:59.733
(BEEPING)

704
00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:03.337
(KEYBOARD KEYS CLICKING)

705
00:34:12.817 --> 00:34:14.945
(BEEPING)

706
00:34:15.854 --> 00:34:17.981
(BEEPING QUICKENS)

707
00:34:23.395 --> 00:34:26.530
Shelley, you've been
the guinea pig long enough.

708
00:34:26.531 --> 00:34:29.467
lt's time to see
if this stuff really works.

709
00:34:49.321 --> 00:34:51.016
(THUNDERCLAP)

710
00:34:52.791 --> 00:34:54.349
(BEEPING)

711
00:34:55.894 --> 00:34:58.090
(BEEPING CONTINUES)

712
00:35:00.131 --> 00:35:01.656
(GROANS)

713
00:35:04.135 --> 00:35:05.569
(GROANING)

714
00:35:05.804 --> 00:35:07.101
(BEEPING CONTINUES)

715
00:35:11.109 --> 00:35:12.838
(BEEPING CONTINUES)

716
00:35:24.689 --> 00:35:25.816
(BEEPING)

717
00:35:27.492 --> 00:35:28.926
(BEEPING CONTINUES)

718
00:35:29.427 --> 00:35:31.487
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

719
00:36:11.069 --> 00:36:15.739
Oh! Oh! l'm thin! l'm thin!
Look at my cheekbones!

720
00:36:15.740 --> 00:36:18.609
l have cheekbones!
Yes! Look at my chest.

721
00:36:18.610 --> 00:36:21.011
Look at my breasts.
l don't have breasts.

722
00:36:21.012 --> 00:36:23.313
l'm an A cup.
l don't need a bra anymore.

723
00:36:23.314 --> 00:36:26.116
Oh, God, l'm thin! l'm thin!

724
00:36:26.117 --> 00:36:28.218
l'm thin! l'm thin, l'm thin.

725
00:36:28.219 --> 00:36:31.055
(SINGING)
Nothing but air there
Nothing but air there

726
00:36:31.056 --> 00:36:34.958
My ass is gone
Now l'm slim, slim, slim

727
00:36:34.959 --> 00:36:38.327
Well, l'll be damned!
l can see my dick!

728
00:36:38.763 --> 00:36:41.698
My dick!
My dick, my dick, my dick!

729
00:36:41.699 --> 00:36:44.034
JAMES BROWN: (SINGING)
Whoa, l feel good

730
00:36:44.035 --> 00:36:45.903
l can do stairs.
l can do stairs.

731
00:36:45.904 --> 00:36:47.237
l knew that l would now

732
00:36:47.238 --> 00:36:48.939
l am the stair master!

733
00:36:48.940 --> 00:36:52.142
l feel good

734
00:36:52.143 --> 00:36:53.477
l knew that l would now

735
00:36:53.478 --> 00:36:55.312
You looking for any kind
of clothes in particular?

736
00:36:55.313 --> 00:36:59.443
Spandex! All Spandex!
Where's the Spandex section?

737
00:37:00.018 --> 00:37:02.553
Oh! Spandex! Like this!

738
00:37:02.554 --> 00:37:05.289
l feel nice

739
00:37:05.290 --> 00:37:06.623
Like sugar and spice

740
00:37:06.624 --> 00:37:09.026
No titties. No titties.

741
00:37:09.027 --> 00:37:10.194
l feel nice

742
00:37:10.195 --> 00:37:11.729
No titties.

743
00:37:11.730 --> 00:37:14.098
Not you, me.
l'm talking about me.
My titties are gone.

744
00:37:14.099 --> 00:37:17.601
Your titties are lovely.
What's your name?

745
00:37:17.602 --> 00:37:20.804
l can't believe l'm so thin.
l am thin. You ever feel thin?

746
00:37:20.805 --> 00:37:24.799
l am thin! l am thin.
Hey, man,
where's the apple pie?

747
00:37:28.713 --> 00:37:32.716
When l hold you in my arms

748
00:37:32.717 --> 00:37:36.086
l know that l can do no wrong

749
00:37:36.087 --> 00:37:39.123
And when l hold you in my arms

750
00:37:39.124 --> 00:37:41.458
My love won't do you no harm

751
00:37:41.459 --> 00:37:43.393
Tootsie Roll!
Get your tootsie!

752
00:37:43.394 --> 00:37:44.828
And l feel nice

753
00:37:44.829 --> 00:37:46.096
(GRUNTING)

754
00:37:46.097 --> 00:37:48.966
Like sugar and spice

755
00:37:48.967 --> 00:37:50.567
So nice, so nice

756
00:37:50.568 --> 00:37:51.902
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)

757
00:37:51.903 --> 00:37:53.371
l got you

758
00:37:57.342 --> 00:38:00.505
(SHOUTING) l'm thin! l'm thin!

759
00:38:05.316 --> 00:38:06.511
Excuse me.

760
00:38:07.152 --> 00:38:08.346
Hey!

761
00:38:08.753 --> 00:38:10.521
ls Professor Klump here?

762
00:38:10.522 --> 00:38:12.022
Professor Klump?

763
00:38:12.023 --> 00:38:13.924
Sherman, Sherman Klump.

764
00:38:13.925 --> 00:38:16.160
No, he had to take care
of some things, Miss Purty.

765
00:38:16.161 --> 00:38:18.529
So l'm running
this thing here.

766
00:38:18.530 --> 00:38:19.554
Do l know you?

767
00:38:20.365 --> 00:38:21.899
Do you know me?

768
00:38:21.900 --> 00:38:23.163
(LAUGHS)

769
00:38:24.102 --> 00:38:25.636
Sherman didn't tell you
about me?

770
00:38:25.637 --> 00:38:26.737
No.

771
00:38:26.738 --> 00:38:27.905
Oh, man!

772
00:38:27.906 --> 00:38:30.507
lsn't that like Sherman
to hog all the credit?

773
00:38:30.508 --> 00:38:32.576
l'm Sherman's confidante.

774
00:38:32.577 --> 00:38:34.144
Have you seen him today?

775
00:38:34.145 --> 00:38:35.846
l was wondering if he was
all right after everything

776
00:38:35.847 --> 00:38:37.975
that happened at the club
the other night.

777
00:38:38.249 --> 00:38:41.885
Oh, Miss Purty,
it tore his chunky ass up.

778
00:38:41.886 --> 00:38:45.889
lt's strange that a man
as intelligent as Sherman
has no confidence whatsoever.

779
00:38:45.890 --> 00:38:47.257
Makes me sick
sometimes to think...

780
00:38:47.258 --> 00:38:48.625
l'm always telling the man,

781
00:38:48.626 --> 00:38:52.029
"Sherman, no matter what,
you've got to strut.

782
00:38:52.030 --> 00:38:54.264
"You got to suck in your gut
and strut."

783
00:38:54.265 --> 00:38:55.866
Me, personally,
l don't have that problem.

784
00:38:55.867 --> 00:38:57.868
Doesn't seem like you do.

785
00:38:57.869 --> 00:39:01.338
You're just too feisty
and too fine. Me and you
need to hook up.

786
00:39:01.339 --> 00:39:04.141
We need to go
to The Scream tonight,
have a couple of drinks

787
00:39:04.142 --> 00:39:06.977
and strut
our respective stuff together.

788
00:39:06.978 --> 00:39:08.712
l don't even know your name.

789
00:39:08.713 --> 00:39:11.114
Hey, buddy,
what the hell happened here?

790
00:39:12.350 --> 00:39:15.185
See?
Everybody knows Buddy.

791
00:39:15.186 --> 00:39:17.754
The professor must have
got a little carried away
last night.

792
00:39:17.755 --> 00:39:19.656
Oh, Officer Dagg,
l'm glad you came up.

793
00:39:19.657 --> 00:39:22.759
He told me to tell you
personally, please thank
your wife Claire

794
00:39:22.760 --> 00:39:26.526
for bringing that
upside-down cake for him.
He ate every crumb of it.

795
00:39:26.831 --> 00:39:29.766
And can you have someone
from janitorial clean up
this mess, please?

796
00:39:29.767 --> 00:39:31.895
Thank you, Officer Dagg.
Thank you.

797
00:39:33.171 --> 00:39:35.005
(DOOR OPENS)
Buddy.

798
00:39:35.006 --> 00:39:37.703
Buddy? ls that it,
or do you have a last name?

799
00:39:38.443 --> 00:39:39.637
(DOOR CLOSES)

800
00:39:41.579 --> 00:39:42.671
Love.

801
00:39:44.249 --> 00:39:46.183
Love?

802
00:39:47.218 --> 00:39:48.318
You see, Miss Purty,

803
00:39:48.319 --> 00:39:50.354
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
there comes a time
in a man's life

804
00:39:50.355 --> 00:39:51.583
when he has to...

805
00:39:52.457 --> 00:39:54.584
(CLEARS THROAT AND COUGHS)

806
00:39:54.926 --> 00:39:56.793
Miss Purty, people have
a tendency in life

807
00:39:56.794 --> 00:39:59.662
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
to always want to rush
into things.

808
00:40:00.798 --> 00:40:02.599
(lN REGULAR VOICE)
What l'm trying to say

809
00:40:02.600 --> 00:40:05.968
is there's a right time
and place for everything.

810
00:40:07.071 --> 00:40:09.206
Like l said,
there's a right time
and place for everything.

811
00:40:09.207 --> 00:40:11.341
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
Tonight would be
a good time.

812
00:40:11.342 --> 00:40:13.143
At The Scream would be perfect
to discuss it.

813
00:40:13.144 --> 00:40:15.977
l'll see you tonight.
Don't be late! Excuse me!

814
00:40:25.623 --> 00:40:27.648
Uh-oh.

815
00:40:28.126 --> 00:40:30.458
(CHATTERING)

816
00:40:42.640 --> 00:40:44.875
Good morning.
Good morning, class.

817
00:40:44.876 --> 00:40:46.977
Morning, students.
Good morning!

818
00:40:46.978 --> 00:40:48.969
Morning. Good morning.

819
00:40:51.849 --> 00:40:54.651
You students just review
what we went over yesterday.

820
00:40:54.652 --> 00:40:57.220
Professor, we weren't
here yesterday.

821
00:40:57.221 --> 00:41:02.626
Well, then,
review the day before,
and tomorrow we'll do today.

822
00:41:04.095 --> 00:41:05.358
That's it.

823
00:41:05.863 --> 00:41:07.229
(CLASS LAUGHING)

824
00:41:08.366 --> 00:41:11.700
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

825
00:41:17.175 --> 00:41:18.542
Sherman!

826
00:41:18.543 --> 00:41:20.143
Oh, Carla. How are you?

827
00:41:20.144 --> 00:41:22.946
l've been looking for you
all morning. Are you okay?

828
00:41:22.947 --> 00:41:25.082
l'm fine.
Why you looking for me?

829
00:41:25.083 --> 00:41:27.617
l feel bad what happened
at the club the other night.

830
00:41:27.618 --> 00:41:29.353
lt was my idea
to go to The Scream.

831
00:41:29.354 --> 00:41:31.722
l've forgotten about that.
You forget, too.

832
00:41:31.723 --> 00:41:33.623
That's over.
Go have a nice day.

833
00:41:33.624 --> 00:41:36.760
There's something else.
l met a friend of yours
in your lab.

834
00:41:36.761 --> 00:41:37.995
Buddy Love.

835
00:41:37.996 --> 00:41:39.596
Buddy Love.

836
00:41:39.597 --> 00:41:42.099
He's quite a character,
huh?

837
00:41:42.100 --> 00:41:45.168
He asked me out,
and he said it was your idea.

838
00:41:45.169 --> 00:41:48.372
Oh, did he?
Well, l know you're new
in town.

839
00:41:48.373 --> 00:41:49.673
l thought
it would be nice

840
00:41:49.674 --> 00:41:51.608
for a new girl to get out,
meet some people.

841
00:41:51.609 --> 00:41:52.976
Did you find him
attractive?

842
00:41:52.977 --> 00:41:54.411
Honestly, yes.

843
00:41:54.412 --> 00:41:56.146
He's very handsome
and athletic.

844
00:41:56.147 --> 00:41:58.682
But l don't feel comfortable
talking to you about that.

845
00:41:58.683 --> 00:42:02.552
You can talk to me
about anything.
l want you to.

846
00:42:02.553 --> 00:42:05.288
And l think you should
definitely go out
with Buddy Love.

847
00:42:05.289 --> 00:42:06.690
You do?
Absolutely.

848
00:42:06.691 --> 00:42:08.825
l don't think
there's anything wrong
with two young people

849
00:42:08.826 --> 00:42:10.894
getting together
and having a good time.

850
00:42:10.895 --> 00:42:13.096
So by all means,
do just that.

851
00:42:13.097 --> 00:42:14.731
You sure
you're all right with that?

852
00:42:14.732 --> 00:42:17.234
Don't worry about me.
l'm just fine.

853
00:42:17.235 --> 00:42:20.500
ln fact,
l'll put in a good word
with you for Buddy.

854
00:42:20.772 --> 00:42:24.367
Oh, my goodness. l'm so late.
Excuse me. l'll talk to Buddy.

855
00:42:25.276 --> 00:42:29.413
You make it hard, long
soft, short

856
00:42:29.414 --> 00:42:32.281
And be strokin'

857
00:42:33.251 --> 00:42:35.185
l be strokin'

858
00:42:37.789 --> 00:42:41.658
l stroke it to the east
and l stroke it to...

859
00:42:41.659 --> 00:42:43.855
(MUSIC CONTINUES
lNDISTINCTLY)

860
00:42:45.797 --> 00:42:48.789
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

861
00:42:55.339 --> 00:42:57.607
Now you be careful.
lf there's a scratch
in the car,

862
00:42:57.608 --> 00:42:59.276
there's a scratch
in your ass.

863
00:42:59.277 --> 00:43:03.079
You are too fine
to be giving me
curbside service.

864
00:43:03.080 --> 00:43:04.848
l'm not. l'm leaving.

865
00:43:04.849 --> 00:43:06.016
We just got here.

866
00:43:06.017 --> 00:43:09.019
No, you just got here.
l've been waiting for you
for almost an hour.

867
00:43:09.020 --> 00:43:12.856
They say anticipation
helps make the appetite
grow stronger.

868
00:43:12.857 --> 00:43:14.658
Anticipate a night alone.

869
00:43:14.659 --> 00:43:16.460
Hey, hey. Let's just have
a meal together.

870
00:43:16.461 --> 00:43:17.994
Why you leaving?
You want me to beg?

871
00:43:17.995 --> 00:43:19.162
l'll get down on my knees.

872
00:43:19.163 --> 00:43:20.530
l'll beg you
in front of all these people.

873
00:43:20.531 --> 00:43:21.932
Think l care
if these people are watching?

874
00:43:21.933 --> 00:43:26.570
l'm sorry! l'm sorry!
l want the world to know
that l was late!

875
00:43:26.571 --> 00:43:29.739
And l'm sorry!
My car ran out of gas.

876
00:43:29.740 --> 00:43:33.944
l needed fresh drawers.
My mother's sick.
The car broke down.

877
00:43:33.945 --> 00:43:35.412
Buddy, get up.

878
00:43:35.413 --> 00:43:36.813
Hear me out. l am sorry!

879
00:43:36.814 --> 00:43:38.448
l don't know why
this is happening tonight.

880
00:43:38.449 --> 00:43:41.715
Of all nights
this has got to happen
to me tonight.

881
00:43:42.153 --> 00:43:45.288
Okay.
Why? Why?

882
00:43:45.289 --> 00:43:49.192
Okay!
Why?

883
00:43:51.362 --> 00:43:52.529
Okay, okay, okay.

884
00:43:52.530 --> 00:43:53.630
Okay. Good. Let's eat.

885
00:43:53.631 --> 00:43:55.565
l am so hungry.
Hey, don't let the tears
fool you.

886
00:43:55.566 --> 00:43:56.556
l'm a tooth chipper.

887
00:43:59.437 --> 00:44:03.340
Six T-bones, five baked
potatoes and two servings
of creamed spinach.

888
00:44:03.341 --> 00:44:05.709
l have never seen anyone
eat so much.

889
00:44:05.710 --> 00:44:07.644
You are so lucky
to stay so thin.

890
00:44:07.645 --> 00:44:09.246
Luck has nothing
to do with it.

891
00:44:09.247 --> 00:44:11.581
lt's a matter of recombinant
ribonucleic acids

892
00:44:11.582 --> 00:44:14.317
unzipped by a radioactive
guanine peptide.

893
00:44:14.318 --> 00:44:16.052
What does that mean?

894
00:44:16.053 --> 00:44:18.021
l don't know. l'm trying
to sound extra intelligent.

895
00:44:18.022 --> 00:44:19.856
Got you!
You gonna eat that?

896
00:44:19.857 --> 00:44:22.125
Guess who's back
in the house.

897
00:44:22.126 --> 00:44:26.463
From Def Comedy Jam,
my man, Reggie Warrington.

898
00:44:26.464 --> 00:44:27.931
Give it up!

899
00:44:27.932 --> 00:44:29.457
(CHEERING)

900
00:44:31.469 --> 00:44:34.170
l hate this guy.
l hate this guy.
He is so obnoxious.

901
00:44:34.171 --> 00:44:35.472
Give the nigger
a chance.

902
00:44:35.473 --> 00:44:37.498
JAMES BROWN: (SINGING)
Watch me

903
00:44:39.477 --> 00:44:43.346
lt's your world, dog!
l'm just a squirrel
trying to get a nut.

904
00:44:43.347 --> 00:44:46.583
l've got something
that makes me wanna shout

905
00:44:46.584 --> 00:44:47.884
What's up?

906
00:44:47.885 --> 00:44:49.486
What's up, nigger?

907
00:44:49.487 --> 00:44:51.454
l said, "What's up"?

908
00:44:51.455 --> 00:44:53.890
Didn't you hear me
when l say, "Hey"?

909
00:44:54.959 --> 00:44:59.396
Boy, women be shopping.
Women be shopping.

910
00:44:59.397 --> 00:45:01.695
You cannot stop a woman
from shopping.

911
00:45:02.300 --> 00:45:03.767
(LAUGHING)

912
00:45:04.168 --> 00:45:05.936
Let's see what l got
in the house tonight.

913
00:45:05.937 --> 00:45:09.395
Oh, now, look at this
white guy right here.

914
00:45:09.607 --> 00:45:12.941
You cannot tell me
he ain't got a small jimmie.

915
00:45:13.911 --> 00:45:16.646
Man, it's so small
he needs tweezers
to take a piss.

916
00:45:16.647 --> 00:45:19.048
He needs tweezers
to take a piss!

917
00:45:20.518 --> 00:45:22.315
Tweezers on his dick!

918
00:45:24.622 --> 00:45:26.556
Reggie's hot tonight.

919
00:45:26.557 --> 00:45:29.424
Look at this. Look at this.

920
00:45:30.761 --> 00:45:33.597
Oh! Oh! Oh!
l can't breathe!

921
00:45:33.598 --> 00:45:34.965
Excuse me, brother.

922
00:45:34.966 --> 00:45:36.666
(GASPING)
l can't breathe!

923
00:45:36.667 --> 00:45:38.134
Okay.

924
00:45:38.135 --> 00:45:39.103
Brother, man!

925
00:45:39.670 --> 00:45:40.967
(WHEEZING)

926
00:45:42.673 --> 00:45:45.074
You almost killed me,
man!

927
00:45:46.110 --> 00:45:48.678
l had to give myself
the Heimlich.

928
00:45:48.679 --> 00:45:51.114
You mind waiting
for the punch line first,
brother?

929
00:45:51.115 --> 00:45:53.316
l'm sorry.
You're so funny.

930
00:45:53.317 --> 00:45:55.919
You're so funny
the way you take a person's
personal defects

931
00:45:55.920 --> 00:45:57.020
and flip it around.

932
00:45:57.021 --> 00:45:59.522
Like you pick somebody
in the room and say,
"Look at your foot,"

933
00:45:59.523 --> 00:46:01.091
and everybody look at it
and start laughing.

934
00:46:01.092 --> 00:46:03.560
That's funny shit.
You're on your way!

935
00:46:03.561 --> 00:46:07.793
You going to the top!
You're the next Lenny Bruce!

936
00:46:08.265 --> 00:46:09.833
Why, thank you.
Thank you very much.

937
00:46:09.834 --> 00:46:11.101
That's genius.

938
00:46:11.102 --> 00:46:12.936
That'd even work with me
doing it to you.

939
00:46:12.937 --> 00:46:15.472
lf l say, look at Reggie's
gums and teeth.

940
00:46:15.473 --> 00:46:17.498
His mother had an affair
with Mister Ed.

941
00:46:19.877 --> 00:46:21.745
See?
Everybody's laughing.

942
00:46:21.746 --> 00:46:24.781
They can visualize
your mother in a barn
with Mister Ed.

943
00:46:24.782 --> 00:46:26.147
(NEIGHING LUSTILY)

944
00:46:28.719 --> 00:46:32.455
Look what l'm doing, Wilbur.
Look at me!

945
00:46:32.456 --> 00:46:34.924
You snapping on me?

946
00:46:34.925 --> 00:46:37.594
Are you snapping on Reggie?

947
00:46:37.595 --> 00:46:38.928
lt's your teeth, Reggie.

948
00:46:38.929 --> 00:46:42.593
l don't know
whether to smile at you
or kick a field goal.

949
00:46:43.734 --> 00:46:46.536
Hey, Reggie! lt's good!

950
00:46:46.537 --> 00:46:48.371
lt's all good!

951
00:46:48.372 --> 00:46:51.274
And, man, what's wrong
with that breath?
l can smell it over here.

952
00:46:51.275 --> 00:46:52.776
Reggie, your breath
is so stink,

953
00:46:52.777 --> 00:46:55.211
people look forward
to your farts.

954
00:46:56.180 --> 00:46:59.382
Breath smell like shit.
Do you smell shit?

955
00:46:59.383 --> 00:47:00.874
l smell shit.

956
00:47:02.987 --> 00:47:06.423
Oh! Oh!
You done did it now, boy.

957
00:47:06.590 --> 00:47:09.959
l wasn't gonna say nothing
'cause l like black people.

958
00:47:09.960 --> 00:47:12.062
But it's time to attack black.

959
00:47:12.063 --> 00:47:15.198
That's right.
The glove's coming off.

960
00:47:15.199 --> 00:47:16.466
Don't hurt me now!

961
00:47:16.467 --> 00:47:18.768
Maybe it's time for Reggie
to lay into your mama.

962
00:47:18.769 --> 00:47:20.169
(CROWD CHEERS)

963
00:47:20.304 --> 00:47:22.405
Oh! Oh, yeah!

964
00:47:22.406 --> 00:47:26.443
Maybe it's time for Reggie
to talk about your mama
a little bit.

965
00:47:26.444 --> 00:47:27.811
You're the man, Reggie!

966
00:47:27.812 --> 00:47:30.406
Your mother's so fat,

967
00:47:32.450 --> 00:47:35.681
she went to Sizzler's,
and the bitch got
a group discount.

968
00:47:35.853 --> 00:47:37.620
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

969
00:47:37.621 --> 00:47:40.614
(HYSTERICAL LAUGHING)

970
00:47:46.430 --> 00:47:48.364
(SCREAMING)

971
00:47:49.867 --> 00:47:52.029
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

972
00:47:53.838 --> 00:47:56.906
(SCREAMING AND GASPING)
Okay, fat jokes!

973
00:47:56.907 --> 00:47:59.476
You want to do fat jokes?
All right.

974
00:47:59.477 --> 00:48:01.478
Your mother's so fat,

975
00:48:01.479 --> 00:48:04.814
the bitch need a Thomas Guide
to find her asshole!

976
00:48:04.815 --> 00:48:06.442
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

977
00:48:06.817 --> 00:48:09.819
All right! Wait, wait, wait.
Your mother's so fat,

978
00:48:09.820 --> 00:48:14.023
after sex l rolled over twice,
and l'm still on the bitch!

979
00:48:14.024 --> 00:48:15.392
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

980
00:48:15.393 --> 00:48:18.728
Your mother is so fat,
she fell in the Grand Canyon
and got stuck!

981
00:48:18.729 --> 00:48:20.764
Reggie's mama's so fat,

982
00:48:20.765 --> 00:48:24.067
that the bitch gets
her toenails painted
at Earl Scheib!

983
00:48:24.068 --> 00:48:25.802
Earl Scheib!

984
00:48:25.803 --> 00:48:27.771
Earl Scheib!

985
00:48:28.939 --> 00:48:31.541
Hey, hey,
get off the stage, man.
You ain't in show business.

986
00:48:31.542 --> 00:48:36.343
Reggie's mama is so fat,
her blood type is Rocky Road!

987
00:48:37.047 --> 00:48:38.815
lsn't that something?

988
00:48:38.816 --> 00:48:42.952
Reggie's mother is so fat,
her belt size is equator!

989
00:48:42.953 --> 00:48:44.546
(HOOTING AND CHEERING)

990
00:48:45.222 --> 00:48:46.656
Get it? Equator?

991
00:48:46.657 --> 00:48:49.319
(BUDDY LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

992
00:48:51.662 --> 00:48:53.863
Let's get a big
round of applause
for Reggie's mama's ass

993
00:48:53.864 --> 00:48:55.965
that brought us
so much joy tonight.

994
00:48:55.966 --> 00:48:58.635
Yeah! That's a big ass.

995
00:48:58.636 --> 00:49:01.504
Enough! Silence!

996
00:49:01.505 --> 00:49:04.073
l can't take this shit
no more.

997
00:49:04.074 --> 00:49:06.342
Now, you done talked
about me enough, boy!

998
00:49:06.343 --> 00:49:09.846
l tried to be peaceful,
but now it's time for Reggie

999
00:49:09.847 --> 00:49:11.548
to karatasize your ass!

1000
00:49:11.549 --> 00:49:12.782
(WHOOPS)

1001
00:49:12.783 --> 00:49:14.317
Oh, yeah.

1002
00:49:14.318 --> 00:49:16.047
(LAUGHING)

1003
00:49:18.088 --> 00:49:20.887
Oh, Reggie,
l heard of dreadlocks,
but shitlocks?

1004
00:49:22.326 --> 00:49:25.261
That's not your hair.
Take that pile of shit
off your head.

1005
00:49:25.262 --> 00:49:27.831
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
You... You go too far
with the comedy.

1006
00:49:27.832 --> 00:49:28.932
(KARATE YELL)

1007
00:49:28.933 --> 00:49:30.266
Oh, oh! Come on! Come on.

1008
00:49:30.267 --> 00:49:32.001
What's that?
Oh, yeah, it's my style, boy.

1009
00:49:32.002 --> 00:49:33.069
You didn't know
Reggie studied.

1010
00:49:33.070 --> 00:49:34.304
What style is that?

1011
00:49:34.305 --> 00:49:35.638
This is called
"Kick-Your-Ass Style," boy.

1012
00:49:35.639 --> 00:49:36.706
Oh, shit.

1013
00:49:36.707 --> 00:49:38.908
Reggie done studied
on the streets.
Oh! Come on!

1014
00:49:38.909 --> 00:49:40.310
(KARATE YELL)

1015
00:49:40.311 --> 00:49:41.377
Oh! Oh!

1016
00:49:41.378 --> 00:49:42.679
(AUDIENCE GASPS AND CHEERS)

1017
00:49:42.680 --> 00:49:43.943
(LAUGHING)

1018
00:49:45.783 --> 00:49:48.351
Oh, you quick,
but l'm quicker.

1019
00:49:48.352 --> 00:49:49.719
Watch my feet.
Come on with it!

1020
00:49:49.720 --> 00:49:51.521
l'm gonna come on
with it. l'm gonna...

1021
00:49:51.522 --> 00:49:52.889
(KARATE YELLS)

1022
00:49:52.890 --> 00:49:54.057
REGGIE: Oh, damn!

1023
00:49:54.058 --> 00:49:55.558
(AUDIENCE GASPS)

1024
00:49:55.559 --> 00:49:56.793
Ladies and gentlemen,

1025
00:49:56.794 --> 00:49:58.228
me and Reggie
want to send one out

1026
00:49:58.229 --> 00:50:01.289
to a very special lady
in the house tonight.

1027
00:50:01.799 --> 00:50:02.866
(PIANO PLAYING)

1028
00:50:02.867 --> 00:50:07.236
(SINGING) Lovin' you is easy,
'cause you're beautiful

1029
00:50:09.974 --> 00:50:12.609
Do-un-do-un-doo-doo.
Reggie?

1030
00:50:12.610 --> 00:50:13.743
(BONES CRACK)

1031
00:50:13.744 --> 00:50:15.838
(HOWLING)

1032
00:50:16.113 --> 00:50:18.848
Let go.
That was pretty.

1033
00:50:18.849 --> 00:50:21.351
Ladies and gentlemen,
Reggie has left the building.

1034
00:50:21.352 --> 00:50:23.081
Thank you, and good night.

1035
00:50:25.055 --> 00:50:26.785
(CHEERING)

1036
00:50:28.792 --> 00:50:32.562
Oh, stop it! Stop it!
Now, thank you so much.
Thank you.

1037
00:50:32.563 --> 00:50:34.797
Thank you so...
Oh, please, please,
come on now.

1038
00:50:34.798 --> 00:50:38.635
Hey, who pinched my ass?
Cut it out. That's good.

1039
00:50:38.636 --> 00:50:40.603
All right. Thank you.
Can you get the bill for me?

1040
00:50:40.604 --> 00:50:42.539
Thanks, man. Too much!

1041
00:50:42.540 --> 00:50:44.607
That was amazing.
l can't believe you did that.

1042
00:50:44.608 --> 00:50:46.910
Amazing is my middle name.

1043
00:50:46.911 --> 00:50:49.312
l only wish Professor Klump
was here to have seen it.

1044
00:50:49.313 --> 00:50:50.473
Listen.

1045
00:50:51.315 --> 00:50:54.842
This is our moment.
l don't wanna ruin it
with talks of Sherman.

1046
00:50:56.053 --> 00:51:00.924
You know, your eyes,
there's something
very familiar about them,

1047
00:51:00.925 --> 00:51:02.620
as if l already know you.

1048
00:51:04.128 --> 00:51:07.897
You know,
l feel the exact same way
about you, Miss Purty.

1049
00:51:07.898 --> 00:51:10.367
(BALLAD PLAYING
ON SOUND SYSTEM)

1050
00:51:19.576 --> 00:51:21.377
Miss Purty, let me tell you.

1051
00:51:21.378 --> 00:51:23.112
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
That kiss was probably

1052
00:51:23.113 --> 00:51:25.481
the most wonderful kiss
l've ever...

1053
00:51:25.482 --> 00:51:27.050
(CLEARS THROAT)

1054
00:51:27.051 --> 00:51:29.452
What l meant to say
was that...

1055
00:51:29.453 --> 00:51:30.753
Your lip.
What?

1056
00:51:30.754 --> 00:51:32.822
Your lip is swollen.
My lip?

1057
00:51:32.823 --> 00:51:34.524
Yes.

1058
00:51:34.525 --> 00:51:36.459
Oh, my lip? Oh.

1059
00:51:36.460 --> 00:51:37.827
That happens every time l...

1060
00:51:37.828 --> 00:51:39.128
What kind of lipstick
do you have on?

1061
00:51:39.129 --> 00:51:41.197
Chanel.
That happens every time

1062
00:51:41.198 --> 00:51:43.666
l have Chanel lipstick
on my lips.
An allergic reaction.

1063
00:51:43.667 --> 00:51:44.862
(RUMBLING)

1064
00:51:45.035 --> 00:51:48.237
Oh. lt's giving me gas, too.
You have to go catch a cab.

1065
00:51:48.238 --> 00:51:51.574
l gotta go to the drugstore
and get some Benadryl
and Kaopectate.

1066
00:51:51.575 --> 00:51:53.076
Excuse me, have a
pleasant evening.
Bye, bye!

1067
00:51:53.077 --> 00:51:54.610
Buddy! Buddy, wait!

1068
00:51:54.611 --> 00:51:56.341
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

1069
00:51:56.513 --> 00:51:57.708
Oh, man.

1070
00:51:58.482 --> 00:52:00.416
Hey, Professor Klump
is here?
Yeah.

1071
00:52:00.417 --> 00:52:01.551
Where is he?

1072
00:52:01.552 --> 00:52:03.519
There he is, right there.

1073
00:52:03.520 --> 00:52:04.954
That guy gave you
this credit card?

1074
00:52:04.955 --> 00:52:06.322
Yup.

1075
00:52:06.323 --> 00:52:08.358
That's not Professor Klump.

1076
00:52:08.359 --> 00:52:10.193
That's not his credit card.
Hey!

1077
00:52:10.194 --> 00:52:11.388
What?

1078
00:52:13.397 --> 00:52:15.456
Hey! Hey!

1079
00:52:17.635 --> 00:52:20.236
Okay, fella, what are you
doing with the Professor's
credit card?

1080
00:52:20.237 --> 00:52:21.796
Where'd you get it?

1081
00:52:22.039 --> 00:52:24.701
l'm sorry. Perhaps
you need the money
more than l thought...

1082
00:52:29.146 --> 00:52:31.410
(JASON GROANS)

1083
00:52:32.850 --> 00:52:35.512
JASON: (SCREAMING)
Oh, my God!

1084
00:52:36.420 --> 00:52:38.115
(SCREAMING)

1085
00:52:43.894 --> 00:52:47.130
Oh, my God!
That's a bus!

1086
00:52:47.131 --> 00:52:51.034
You're gonna kill us, man!
What the hell is the matter...

1087
00:52:51.035 --> 00:52:53.902
Oh, man!
This is Freddy Krueger shit,
man!

1088
00:52:55.339 --> 00:52:56.670
Professor?

1089
00:52:58.876 --> 00:53:00.366
Hello, Jason.

1090
00:53:01.311 --> 00:53:04.304
JASON: (SCREAMING)
What's happening?

1091
00:53:09.319 --> 00:53:10.810
(SIREN WAILING)

1092
00:53:16.360 --> 00:53:19.955
First time we had
to use one of these
without an accident.

1093
00:53:40.317 --> 00:53:42.151
The class left
20 minutes ago.

1094
00:53:42.152 --> 00:53:44.921
Dean Richmond!
Oh, hello, sir.

1095
00:53:44.922 --> 00:53:48.157
You caught me in the middle
of an experiment l was doing.

1096
00:53:48.158 --> 00:53:51.761
l was trying to see how
the students would respond
to a teacher-less environment.

1097
00:53:51.762 --> 00:53:55.631
Teacher-less environment?
New field of research for you?

1098
00:53:55.632 --> 00:53:56.699
Yes, sir.

1099
00:53:56.700 --> 00:53:57.800
lnteresting.
Always thinking.

1100
00:53:57.801 --> 00:53:59.535
That's good, Klump.
Let me know your results.

1101
00:53:59.536 --> 00:54:01.869
Would you mind
explaining this?

1102
00:54:03.474 --> 00:54:07.710
Oh! Yeah, well,
my car's in the shop, so...

1103
00:54:07.711 --> 00:54:11.671
So you put
a $47,000 luxury car
on your faculty account.

1104
00:54:12.349 --> 00:54:17.120
lnitially, l...
l requested a Yugo,
and this is all they had...

1105
00:54:17.121 --> 00:54:18.955
lf it's all they had,
it's all they had.

1106
00:54:18.956 --> 00:54:22.050
After all, men like us
can't walk around now,
can we?

1107
00:54:23.127 --> 00:54:24.355
(CHUCKLING) Come on.

1108
00:54:25.329 --> 00:54:26.763
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1109
00:54:26.764 --> 00:54:30.032
Oh, well, well.
l'm glad you're taking it
like that, sir.

1110
00:54:30.033 --> 00:54:32.235
l thought
you was gonna get angry
and start screaming

1111
00:54:32.236 --> 00:54:35.228
and hollering,
and maybe even fire me.

1112
00:54:37.007 --> 00:54:38.975
(LAUGHING) Whoo!
Oh, Sherman, Sherman.

1113
00:54:38.976 --> 00:54:41.110
ln the end we know
so little of each other, hmm?

1114
00:54:41.111 --> 00:54:44.981
No, my friend, l've got
bigger fish to fry.
l spoke to Harlan Hartley.

1115
00:54:44.982 --> 00:54:48.351
He's offering that tiny
trinket that could save
your entire research program.

1116
00:54:48.352 --> 00:54:49.652
Oh, yes. Absolutely.

1117
00:54:49.653 --> 00:54:50.820
l set up a meeting with him.

1118
00:54:50.821 --> 00:54:53.789
He wants to hear your
grant proposal personally.

1119
00:54:53.790 --> 00:54:56.559
Friday, the Ritz,
dinner, 8:00 sharp.

1120
00:54:56.560 --> 00:54:59.462
Well, sir, l think
that's a wonderful idea,
sir. Absolutely.

1121
00:54:59.463 --> 00:55:01.864
And l promise you,
l will not let you down.

1122
00:55:01.865 --> 00:55:03.432
l know you won't.

1123
00:55:03.433 --> 00:55:05.701
l know
you're going to be there
and you're going to be great.

1124
00:55:05.702 --> 00:55:07.303
ln fact, l know
you're going to be perfect.

1125
00:55:07.304 --> 00:55:08.771
(LAUGHING)

1126
00:55:08.772 --> 00:55:10.006
Do you know how l know?

1127
00:55:10.007 --> 00:55:11.107
How's that?

1128
00:55:11.108 --> 00:55:13.242
'Cause if you're not perfect,

1129
00:55:13.243 --> 00:55:15.378
never mind the yelling
and the screaming
and the firing.

1130
00:55:15.379 --> 00:55:20.483
lf anything goes wrong
for any reason,
l'm going to kill you.

1131
00:55:20.484 --> 00:55:23.753
l don't mean that
as a euphemism. l'm going
to literally kill you.

1132
00:55:23.754 --> 00:55:28.424
l'm going to strangle you
and choke off your air supply

1133
00:55:28.425 --> 00:55:30.223
until you pass away.

1134
00:55:31.929 --> 00:55:33.863
(EXCLAIMS) Okay.

1135
00:55:34.531 --> 00:55:36.192
Till Friday, then.

1136
00:55:38.368 --> 00:55:40.633
lt's a date.

1137
00:55:40.837 --> 00:55:43.272
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

1138
00:55:46.844 --> 00:55:49.045
Sir, this is incredible.

1139
00:55:49.046 --> 00:55:51.314
lt's... lt's a complete
metabolic transformation.

1140
00:55:51.315 --> 00:55:53.749
How did it happen?
Was it an accident?

1141
00:55:54.017 --> 00:55:56.519
No, l did it
to myself, Jason.

1142
00:55:56.520 --> 00:55:58.721
You did? Why?

1143
00:55:58.722 --> 00:56:03.125
lf it was for the grant,
the data with Shelley was
already so compelling.

1144
00:56:03.126 --> 00:56:06.495
Well, l have compelling
reasons of my own, Jason.

1145
00:56:06.496 --> 00:56:09.599
l have a case of infatuation
of sorts with Miss Purty.

1146
00:56:09.600 --> 00:56:13.936
Professor, if you feel
this way about Carla,
why don't you tell her?

1147
00:56:13.937 --> 00:56:15.905
lt'd be a lot simpler
than transforming into...

1148
00:56:15.906 --> 00:56:18.941
This guy's testosterone levels
are right off the charts.

1149
00:56:18.942 --> 00:56:22.211
He was mean last night.
lt was so unlike you.

1150
00:56:22.212 --> 00:56:23.479
You know, l did feel that.

1151
00:56:23.480 --> 00:56:25.448
Sir, you can't control him.

1152
00:56:25.449 --> 00:56:28.918
Jason, you have no idea
what it feels like
to be Buddy Love.

1153
00:56:28.919 --> 00:56:31.887
lt's indescribable.
lt's just wonderful!

1154
00:56:31.888 --> 00:56:35.391
The way people talk to him
and treat him, and the way
she looks at him.

1155
00:56:35.392 --> 00:56:38.027
But he's dangerous.
He almost killed us
last night.

1156
00:56:38.028 --> 00:56:41.998
We should be concentrating
on getting the grant proposal
to Harlan Hartley.

1157
00:56:41.999 --> 00:56:43.489
This is nuts!

1158
00:56:46.036 --> 00:56:50.200
l guess you're right, Jason.
l never have behaved
like this before.

1159
00:56:52.376 --> 00:56:54.936
But on the other hand,

1160
00:56:55.913 --> 00:56:58.981
l've never been
in love before.

1161
00:56:58.982 --> 00:57:00.382
Ever.

1162
00:57:19.903 --> 00:57:21.304
Afternoon, Carla.

1163
00:57:21.305 --> 00:57:22.405
Hi, Sherman.

1164
00:57:22.406 --> 00:57:24.040
How are you doing today?

1165
00:57:24.041 --> 00:57:25.341
Pretty good.

1166
00:57:25.342 --> 00:57:28.511
l come over to see
how things were going
with you and Buddy.

1167
00:57:28.512 --> 00:57:30.513
l wish l knew.

1168
00:57:30.514 --> 00:57:34.116
We went out last night.
lt was great. We had
such a wonderful time.

1169
00:57:34.117 --> 00:57:36.585
And then all of a sudden
he runs out of the club.

1170
00:57:36.586 --> 00:57:38.354
He has some allergic reaction.

1171
00:57:38.355 --> 00:57:39.956
l don't even know
if he's all right.

1172
00:57:39.957 --> 00:57:41.057
He's fine.

1173
00:57:41.058 --> 00:57:43.059
He told me
that his lip swelled up,

1174
00:57:43.060 --> 00:57:44.760
he put ice on it
and the swelling came down.

1175
00:57:44.761 --> 00:57:45.928
Kinda strange, huh?

1176
00:57:45.929 --> 00:57:48.431
Well, did he even ask
about me?

1177
00:57:48.432 --> 00:57:51.901
Did he say why he didn't
call me and let me know
he was all right?

1178
00:57:51.902 --> 00:57:53.569
Carla, Buddy's kind of
unreliable.

1179
00:57:53.570 --> 00:57:55.071
He's kind of
what you call

1180
00:57:55.072 --> 00:57:57.540
a "here today,
gone tomorrow"
kind of fellow.

1181
00:57:57.541 --> 00:57:59.308
Oh, l see.
Mmm-hmm.

1182
00:57:59.309 --> 00:58:03.412
So he had you talk to me
because he's not interested
anymore.

1183
00:58:03.413 --> 00:58:05.514
No, it's nothing
quite like that.
Look.

1184
00:58:05.515 --> 00:58:09.185
l know what it feels like
to be brushed off,
and it's okay.

1185
00:58:09.186 --> 00:58:11.053
This is all my fault.

1186
00:58:11.054 --> 00:58:13.723
l should've never
encouraged you
to go out with Buddy.

1187
00:58:13.724 --> 00:58:16.090
Sherman, you have been
so sweet.

1188
00:58:16.793 --> 00:58:20.252
l'll just have to
forget about him.
l'll see you later.

1189
00:58:21.331 --> 00:58:22.526
Carla.

1190
00:58:24.634 --> 00:58:26.502
l was wondering if

1191
00:58:26.503 --> 00:58:29.472
l could talk to you
about you and l,
for a second.

1192
00:58:29.473 --> 00:58:31.407
l was...

1193
00:58:33.076 --> 00:58:35.277
l was wondering
what you were doing later,

1194
00:58:35.278 --> 00:58:38.280
'cause the family
gonna get together.

1195
00:58:38.281 --> 00:58:41.050
She made a meal

1196
00:58:41.051 --> 00:58:43.219
and we gonna be eating,
so l figured

1197
00:58:43.220 --> 00:58:44.887
if you not doing anything
for dinner,

1198
00:58:44.888 --> 00:58:48.654
we'd love to have you,
if you want to come over
for dinner.

1199
00:58:49.593 --> 00:58:52.255
We'd love to have you over
for dinner.

1200
00:58:53.063 --> 00:58:54.597
l'd love to.

1201
00:58:54.598 --> 00:58:55.765
Would you, now?

1202
00:58:55.766 --> 00:58:57.099
Yes, l would.

1203
00:58:57.100 --> 00:59:00.002
Should we call
and make sure there's
going to be enough food?

1204
00:59:00.003 --> 00:59:02.495
l don't think
that's going to be a problem.

1205
00:59:02.839 --> 00:59:04.140
(ALL CHATTERING)

1206
00:59:04.141 --> 00:59:06.208
MAMA: There's nothing like
being with family!

1207
00:59:06.209 --> 00:59:08.344
GRANDMA: l am hungry.
Come on, now.

1208
00:59:08.345 --> 00:59:09.712
Carla, where are you from?

1209
00:59:09.713 --> 00:59:10.880
Chicago.

1210
00:59:10.881 --> 00:59:12.815
Oh, Chicago!
We have family there.

1211
00:59:12.816 --> 00:59:14.417
PAPA: Windy city, huh?

1212
00:59:14.418 --> 00:59:16.786
l was working on a skyscraper
in Chicago once,

1213
00:59:16.787 --> 00:59:18.954
and my lunch blew off
the 27th floor.

1214
00:59:18.955 --> 00:59:21.424
Yeah, l figure
your fat ass would remember

1215
00:59:21.425 --> 00:59:23.826
somebody's sandwich
flying off a building.

1216
00:59:23.827 --> 00:59:24.894
(LOUD BELCH)

1217
00:59:24.895 --> 00:59:26.462
Oh, baby, eat some bread.

1218
00:59:26.463 --> 00:59:29.131
Miss Purty, are you
and Sherman having relations?

1219
00:59:29.132 --> 00:59:31.100
TOGETHER:
That's a good question.

1220
00:59:31.101 --> 00:59:32.401
No, Grandma.

1221
00:59:32.402 --> 00:59:34.837
lt's not like that.
We're colleagues.

1222
00:59:34.838 --> 00:59:36.939
Oh.
PROFESSOR:
We just work together.

1223
00:59:36.940 --> 00:59:38.641
That's how it start out
colleagues.

1224
00:59:38.642 --> 00:59:40.342
Me and your grandfather
was colleagues.

1225
00:59:40.343 --> 00:59:43.746
Next thing you know
he's on top of me in the shed,
pumping and a-sweating.

1226
00:59:43.747 --> 00:59:44.880
lt's not like that.

1227
00:59:44.881 --> 00:59:46.282
PAPA: Will you hush up?

1228
00:59:46.283 --> 00:59:47.583
He's never brought
a girl home.

1229
00:59:47.584 --> 00:59:49.318
The least you can do
is let us talk to her.

1230
00:59:49.319 --> 00:59:51.487
Yeah, l'd like
to get to know her
a little better myself.

1231
00:59:51.488 --> 00:59:54.323
Ain't nothing wrong
with having relations.
Don't be ashamed of that.

1232
00:59:54.324 --> 00:59:55.925
Relations is beautiful.

1233
00:59:55.926 --> 00:59:58.561
When l was young
l used to always
have relations.

1234
00:59:58.562 --> 01:00:03.065
Every night,
if a nice gentleman
bring me flowers and candy,

1235
01:00:03.066 --> 01:00:06.969
take me to a movie,
show me a lovely evening,

1236
01:00:06.970 --> 01:00:11.140
then l would take him home
and give him hot,
lovely relations.

1237
01:00:11.141 --> 01:00:12.441
Relations is
a beautiful thing.

1238
01:00:12.442 --> 01:00:14.276
lt's nothing to be ashamed of.

1239
01:00:14.277 --> 01:00:16.645
Especially two young people.

1240
01:00:16.646 --> 01:00:18.080
That blowhole.

1241
01:00:18.215 --> 01:00:19.415
Cletus!

1242
01:00:19.416 --> 01:00:21.517
Sometimes when l'm alone,
l relate to myself.

1243
01:00:21.518 --> 01:00:22.678
l can relate.

1244
01:00:23.453 --> 01:00:24.787
Oh, Mama.

1245
01:00:24.788 --> 01:00:26.822
l don't wanna hear this shit
while l'm eating.

1246
01:00:26.823 --> 01:00:27.957
MAMA: Cletus!

1247
01:00:27.958 --> 01:00:29.358
(WHISPERING)
l'm gonna kill you later.

1248
01:00:29.359 --> 01:00:31.293
Carla, do you
like children?
Yes.

1249
01:00:31.294 --> 01:00:32.761
Oh, that's wonderful.

1250
01:00:32.762 --> 01:00:35.598
l can't wait for Sherman
to bring me home
some grandbabies.

1251
01:00:35.599 --> 01:00:37.500
ERNIE: l know you're gonna
enjoy making them babies.

1252
01:00:37.501 --> 01:00:39.168
Got those childbearing hips.

1253
01:00:39.169 --> 01:00:41.070
(CLEARS THROAT)
Baby'll pop right out.

1254
01:00:41.071 --> 01:00:42.171
(MAKES POPPING SOUND)

1255
01:00:42.172 --> 01:00:45.007
Your family got any money?
l ain't paying
for no big-ass wedding.

1256
01:00:45.008 --> 01:00:46.709
l know a wonderful minister.

1257
01:00:46.710 --> 01:00:48.077
What religious background
are you?

1258
01:00:48.078 --> 01:00:51.614
l still got my wedding dress.
lf you want it,
l'll take it in.

1259
01:00:51.615 --> 01:00:55.951
You'd look so lovely in it.
lt's white though.

1260
01:00:55.952 --> 01:00:58.587
Can you wear a white
wedding dress, young lady?

1261
01:00:58.588 --> 01:01:02.024
Now, Sherman,
you can wear a white tuxedo.

1262
01:01:02.392 --> 01:01:04.159
'Cause you know Sherman,

1263
01:01:04.160 --> 01:01:06.328
(WHISPERING) Sherman has
never had relations.

1264
01:01:06.329 --> 01:01:08.297
Mama, you gonna
embarrass my baby.

1265
01:01:08.298 --> 01:01:09.665
GRANDMA: l hope you got
a strong back.

1266
01:01:09.666 --> 01:01:10.699
MAMA: Oh, look
at my baby blushing.

1267
01:01:10.700 --> 01:01:13.502
When you get all that man,
and release all that

1268
01:01:13.503 --> 01:01:16.837
that's been built up
for 35 years.

1269
01:01:17.874 --> 01:01:21.343
Just wanting
and wanting and wanting!

1270
01:01:21.344 --> 01:01:23.679
(EXCLAIMS) Might make
your head blow off.

1271
01:01:23.680 --> 01:01:26.248
Pop goes the weasel!

1272
01:01:26.249 --> 01:01:28.450
l got my own self hot
telling that story.

1273
01:01:28.451 --> 01:01:30.753
Pop goes the weasel,
'cause the weasel say "pop!"

1274
01:01:30.754 --> 01:01:33.656
You gonna get married here,
or in Chicago?

1275
01:01:33.657 --> 01:01:36.125
MAMA: Do you cook?
'Cause somebody's
got to feed my Sherman.

1276
01:01:36.126 --> 01:01:38.928
Yeah, l know
a wonderful church
down there on Main Street,

1277
01:01:38.929 --> 01:01:41.330
but they won't marry you
if you're a lesbian.

1278
01:01:41.331 --> 01:01:44.198
Not that l have anything
against lesbians.
l love lesbians.

1279
01:01:44.334 --> 01:01:45.968
Lesbians is cool.

1280
01:01:45.969 --> 01:01:48.237
There's nothing wrong
with a little bingo.

1281
01:01:48.238 --> 01:01:50.105
A little cunnilingus
ain't never hurt nobody.

1282
01:01:50.106 --> 01:01:52.775
Why is it the woman
always gets the choice where
they're gonna be married?

1283
01:01:52.776 --> 01:01:54.410
Tradition.
Tradition, my ass!

1284
01:01:54.411 --> 01:01:56.679
l ain't gonna pay
for everybody flying
to no Chicago!

1285
01:01:56.680 --> 01:01:58.080
You know how much
plane tickets cost?

1286
01:01:58.081 --> 01:02:00.182
You cheap bastard.

1287
01:02:00.183 --> 01:02:02.017
PAPA: We're gonna
have to drive down there.

1288
01:02:02.018 --> 01:02:04.112
l'm not driving
over to Chicago.

1289
01:02:05.288 --> 01:02:08.884
(SINGING)
Sherman gonna have relations

1290
01:02:09.225 --> 01:02:11.421
My baby's not getting married.

1291
01:02:12.095 --> 01:02:13.195
(LOUD FART)

1292
01:02:13.196 --> 01:02:14.563
There you go again,

1293
01:02:14.564 --> 01:02:17.166
popping off gas
in front of this
lovely young lady.

1294
01:02:17.167 --> 01:02:19.401
We're trying to have a meal.
Put that brake on this gas.

1295
01:02:19.402 --> 01:02:22.504
l hope your ass
turn into a frog.

1296
01:02:22.505 --> 01:02:24.506
Don't nobody want
to hear your flatulence,
Cletus Klump.

1297
01:02:24.507 --> 01:02:25.708
(LOUD FART)

1298
01:02:25.709 --> 01:02:26.875
MAMA: You're such a disgrace!

1299
01:02:26.876 --> 01:02:29.111
PAPA: l stopped holding
my gas a long time ago.

1300
01:02:29.112 --> 01:02:30.546
MAMA: You spoiled the dinner!

1301
01:02:30.547 --> 01:02:32.815
(ERNIE JR. LAUGHING)
PAPA: Say one more word.

1302
01:02:32.816 --> 01:02:34.350
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

1303
01:02:34.351 --> 01:02:36.685
(BELL TOLLING)

1304
01:02:36.686 --> 01:02:37.987
Listen, Carla,

1305
01:02:37.988 --> 01:02:40.289
l want to apologize
about my family back there.

1306
01:02:40.290 --> 01:02:42.024
l think they got
the wrong idea about things.

1307
01:02:42.025 --> 01:02:45.094
Oh, no.
l should apologize.

1308
01:02:45.095 --> 01:02:47.630
l'm so sorry
if l seemed distant tonight.

1309
01:02:47.631 --> 01:02:50.666
l still have Buddy
on my mind.

1310
01:02:50.667 --> 01:02:52.362
You really care
for Buddy, huh?

1311
01:02:52.936 --> 01:02:54.699
l don't know.

1312
01:02:54.938 --> 01:02:58.641
l mean, on the outside,
he seems so cocky and brash.

1313
01:02:58.642 --> 01:03:02.378
But when l look in his eyes,
l see kindness, l see warmth.

1314
01:03:02.379 --> 01:03:04.913
And that's the side of Buddy
l wanted to get to know.

1315
01:03:04.914 --> 01:03:07.213
l just got
way ahead of myself.

1316
01:03:07.717 --> 01:03:11.520
And here l am,
talking your ear off
once again about Buddy.

1317
01:03:11.521 --> 01:03:13.022
No, it's quite
all right, really.

1318
01:03:13.023 --> 01:03:16.325
Listen, Carla,

1319
01:03:16.326 --> 01:03:18.827
don't you worry about Buddy.

1320
01:03:18.828 --> 01:03:20.660
l'll find him for you.

1321
01:03:21.965 --> 01:03:24.099
Thank you, Sherman.

1322
01:03:24.100 --> 01:03:27.036
Thank you for being
such a good friend to me.

1323
01:03:28.738 --> 01:03:30.263
A good friend.

1324
01:03:37.480 --> 01:03:38.641
Good night.

1325
01:03:39.082 --> 01:03:40.447
Good night.

1326
01:03:49.259 --> 01:03:50.556
(SIGHS)

1327
01:04:03.373 --> 01:04:05.136
(LOUD CRASHING)

1328
01:04:05.842 --> 01:04:07.207
Professor?

1329
01:04:09.212 --> 01:04:12.876
ls that you?
l just finished
the grant proposal.

1330
01:04:17.520 --> 01:04:18.587
What's the matter with you?

1331
01:04:18.588 --> 01:04:20.322
Never seen a brother
wearing a circus tent before?

1332
01:04:20.323 --> 01:04:21.924
Black man can't go camping?

1333
01:04:21.925 --> 01:04:24.059
Now, wait a minute, you...
You can't be you.

1334
01:04:24.060 --> 01:04:26.028
We agreed that
you wouldn't do this.

1335
01:04:26.029 --> 01:04:28.530
Someone has to tend
to chunky butt's sex life.

1336
01:04:28.531 --> 01:04:31.296
Chunky butt is
extremely horny. Excuse me.

1337
01:04:31.668 --> 01:04:35.404
But Professor Klump
has a meeting tonight with
Harlan Hartley at the Ritz.

1338
01:04:35.405 --> 01:04:38.607
l'm gonna be at the Ritz
tonight, but it will not be
in the interest of science.

1339
01:04:38.608 --> 01:04:41.134
No! l can't let you go.

1340
01:04:41.678 --> 01:04:43.345
Professor!

1341
01:04:43.346 --> 01:04:48.183
lf you're in there
and you can hear me, come out!

1342
01:04:48.184 --> 01:04:52.121
Professor, listen to me.
The testosterone levels
are way too high.

1343
01:04:52.122 --> 01:04:54.056
You can't control him.

1344
01:04:54.057 --> 01:04:55.758
(WHEEZING)

1345
01:04:55.759 --> 01:04:59.627
(GROANING AND MOANING)

1346
01:04:59.963 --> 01:05:01.964
Oh! Jason!
What?

1347
01:05:01.965 --> 01:05:03.399
(GASPING)
lt's me, Sherman.

1348
01:05:03.400 --> 01:05:06.468
l'm talking to you from
deep down inside Buddy Love.

1349
01:05:06.469 --> 01:05:09.838
Listen to me closely.
Go in the back room
while l'm holding him

1350
01:05:09.839 --> 01:05:12.174
and get the coagulant serum
off the back shelf!

1351
01:05:12.175 --> 01:05:13.409
ln the storage closet?
Yes, Jason!

1352
01:05:13.410 --> 01:05:15.177
l got it!
Hurry, Jason!

1353
01:05:15.178 --> 01:05:17.980
l got it!
We don't have much time.
Let's move!

1354
01:05:17.981 --> 01:05:19.281
(YELLS)

1355
01:05:19.282 --> 01:05:20.716
(MANIACAL LAUGHING)

1356
01:05:20.717 --> 01:05:22.785
Professor! Professor!

1357
01:05:22.786 --> 01:05:25.988
l have an appointment
with love!
Good night, hamster boy!

1358
01:05:25.989 --> 01:05:27.322
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
No, Professor!

1359
01:05:27.323 --> 01:05:28.450
(SCREAMING)

1360
01:05:50.180 --> 01:05:53.682
"Sorry l haven't phoned,
but l haven't been
myself lately.

1361
01:05:53.683 --> 01:05:56.251
"Join me for dinner.
Buddy Love.

1362
01:05:56.252 --> 01:06:00.815
"P.S. l've enclosed
a wallet-sized photo
for your enjoyment."

1363
01:06:02.325 --> 01:06:03.520
(CHUCKLING)

1364
01:06:05.628 --> 01:06:07.597
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

1365
01:06:09.399 --> 01:06:12.267
Buddy, how can l stay
mad at you?
This is gorgeous!

1366
01:06:12.268 --> 01:06:13.769
You're gorgeous
and l'm gorgeous,

1367
01:06:13.770 --> 01:06:15.003
so we should be
in gorgeous surroundings.

1368
01:06:15.004 --> 01:06:16.171
Let me get the room key.

1369
01:06:16.172 --> 01:06:17.473
Wait. Hold it.

1370
01:06:17.474 --> 01:06:19.575
l didn't say anything about
going to any room with you.

1371
01:06:19.576 --> 01:06:22.244
You said you were taking me
to dinner.

1372
01:06:22.245 --> 01:06:25.147
What are you talking about?
Oh, you think that... Oh!

1373
01:06:25.148 --> 01:06:27.616
Oh, my...
Hey, hey, hey. Slow down.

1374
01:06:27.617 --> 01:06:30.219
l just want to spend
some time with you,
by ourselves.

1375
01:06:30.220 --> 01:06:34.356
l don't want to share you
with these people.
l want to eat, alone, quiet.

1376
01:06:34.357 --> 01:06:38.260
l would never disrespect you.
l'm a puppy dog.

1377
01:06:39.095 --> 01:06:41.463
Please, can l go
get this room?

1378
01:06:41.464 --> 01:06:42.693
(BARKS QUIETLY)

1379
01:06:43.266 --> 01:06:45.166
Yes?
Yes.

1380
01:06:45.668 --> 01:06:47.836
l'd throw him
in the river with a Buick
tied to his neck.

1381
01:06:47.837 --> 01:06:49.371
He'd probably drag
the car down.

1382
01:06:49.372 --> 01:06:51.340
Miss Purty. Purty!
Dean Richmond.

1383
01:06:51.341 --> 01:06:53.942
Have you seen Professor Klump?
He's 40 minutes late.

1384
01:06:53.943 --> 01:06:56.912
lf Harlan Hartley
walks out that door,
$10 million goes with him.

1385
01:06:56.913 --> 01:06:59.848
Oh, Lord.
l'm gonna have to lay down
in front of his car.

1386
01:06:59.849 --> 01:07:02.317
Let's go.
Buddy, you know
Sherman's research.

1387
01:07:02.318 --> 01:07:04.519
He's late for a meeting.
Fill in for him.

1388
01:07:04.520 --> 01:07:07.289
No, it's a nice thought,
but he'd have to know
Sherman's research.

1389
01:07:07.290 --> 01:07:10.359
You know Sherman's
research? Who are you?

1390
01:07:10.360 --> 01:07:12.294
You might say
l'm a visiting professor

1391
01:07:12.295 --> 01:07:13.729
who might be staying
for a while.

1392
01:07:13.730 --> 01:07:16.298
l do know Sherman's work.
ln fact, l am Sherman's work.

1393
01:07:16.299 --> 01:07:17.499
Buddy!

1394
01:07:17.500 --> 01:07:18.667
Do you think
you can do Klump's job

1395
01:07:18.668 --> 01:07:20.469
and crowbar that dough
out of Hartley?

1396
01:07:20.470 --> 01:07:23.739
There's not a job
on this planet l can't do
twice as good as Sherman.

1397
01:07:23.740 --> 01:07:25.731
Good. Follow me.

1398
01:07:27.010 --> 01:07:29.811
l'll go do this
just 'cause you asked me,
not 'cause of him.

1399
01:07:29.812 --> 01:07:31.613
You just stay put.

1400
01:07:31.614 --> 01:07:35.083
l've got to go be brilliant.
Look at your fine self.

1401
01:07:35.084 --> 01:07:38.787
l bet you have on a thong
made of licorice, don't you?

1402
01:07:38.788 --> 01:07:40.586
Excuse me.

1403
01:07:40.823 --> 01:07:42.450
(RICHMOND LAUGHING)

1404
01:07:42.625 --> 01:07:44.192
All righty!

1405
01:07:44.193 --> 01:07:46.595
Well, this had better
be Professor Klump.

1406
01:07:46.596 --> 01:07:49.164
Klump? That fraud,
that hack, that no-talent.

1407
01:07:49.165 --> 01:07:52.000
No, sir, this is the man
behind Klump's work,
the real genius.

1408
01:07:52.001 --> 01:07:54.369
l give you
Professor Buddy Love.

1409
01:07:54.370 --> 01:07:55.971
All right, Professor Love.

1410
01:07:55.972 --> 01:07:58.073
You have one minute
to show me your research.

1411
01:07:58.074 --> 01:08:02.144
Oh, no, you got it
backwards, Rockefeller.
You have one minute to listen.

1412
01:08:02.145 --> 01:08:03.845
May l borrow this?
You haven't used it, have you?

1413
01:08:03.846 --> 01:08:05.347
Don't want to get
your boogers on my fingers.

1414
01:08:05.348 --> 01:08:07.683
Okay. Here we go.

1415
01:08:07.684 --> 01:08:09.751
25N times C.

1416
01:08:09.752 --> 01:08:13.221
You have to excuse
my handwriting.
l'm in a bit of a rush.

1417
01:08:13.222 --> 01:08:15.524
You have a pleasant evening.
Good night.

1418
01:08:15.525 --> 01:08:16.858
Professor Love,

1419
01:08:16.859 --> 01:08:21.029
don't you think Mr. Hartley
would like to know what
that means in lay terms?

1420
01:08:21.030 --> 01:08:22.097
(CHUCKLES)

1421
01:08:22.098 --> 01:08:23.632
Oh, you mean
rich-dummy terms?

1422
01:08:23.633 --> 01:08:27.336
l'll break it down
for the rich dummies
in the room. Listen up.

1423
01:08:27.337 --> 01:08:30.405
lf you eat
nasty stuff like this...

1424
01:08:30.406 --> 01:08:33.241
l know it looks good,
and some of y'all
like pork chops,

1425
01:08:33.242 --> 01:08:35.310
but this greasy,
nasty pork chop,

1426
01:08:35.311 --> 01:08:38.146
do you realize
there's a gene in your DNA

1427
01:08:38.147 --> 01:08:40.148
that routes this
straight to your fat cells,

1428
01:08:40.149 --> 01:08:42.351
and it causes
unsightly conditions.

1429
01:08:42.352 --> 01:08:46.822
Case in point, this woman
is suffering from what
l like to call "Jell-O arms."

1430
01:08:46.823 --> 01:08:51.259
The arm is taking on
a gelatin sort of vibe.
lt's quite nasty.

1431
01:08:51.260 --> 01:08:53.929
To my left, this gentleman
has turkey neck.

1432
01:08:53.930 --> 01:08:57.132
To my immediate left,
this woman is suffering
from what we like to call,

1433
01:08:57.133 --> 01:08:58.900
"Saddlebag syndrome."

1434
01:08:58.901 --> 01:09:00.469
To my extreme left,

1435
01:09:00.470 --> 01:09:04.206
this young lady
is suffering from what
l like to call "Tank ass."

1436
01:09:04.207 --> 01:09:07.409
Please, sit down.
Not tonight.
l'm your brother!

1437
01:09:07.410 --> 01:09:10.512
Like l was saying,
everybody, where there's
a will, there's a way.

1438
01:09:10.513 --> 01:09:13.215
There is a way
we can turn these genes off.

1439
01:09:13.216 --> 01:09:16.049
l'm not talking about
using exercise or diet.

1440
01:09:16.219 --> 01:09:18.787
l'm talking about
by taking a simple solution

1441
01:09:18.788 --> 01:09:22.391
that helps reconstruct
your metabolic
cellular strands,

1442
01:09:22.392 --> 01:09:24.393
thus giving you
the appearance of,

1443
01:09:24.394 --> 01:09:27.129
in medical terms,
gluteus minimus.

1444
01:09:27.130 --> 01:09:30.465
Or, in layman's terms,
an extremely tight,
wonderful ass.

1445
01:09:30.466 --> 01:09:33.035
Let's give a big round
of applause for the woman
with the nice ass.

1446
01:09:33.036 --> 01:09:35.771
Her ass is so nice,
don't you agree?
She's worked so hard.

1447
01:09:35.772 --> 01:09:39.241
Have a seat.
Oh, are these girls with you?

1448
01:09:39.242 --> 01:09:41.376
Everyone has a nice ass
at this table.

1449
01:09:41.377 --> 01:09:43.378
ls this
the nice-ass section?

1450
01:09:43.379 --> 01:09:44.679
(LAUGHTER)

1451
01:09:44.680 --> 01:09:46.014
Where'd you find this man?

1452
01:09:46.015 --> 01:09:47.549
Harlan, it's an outrage.

1453
01:09:47.550 --> 01:09:50.252
l assure you
he has no affiliation
with this school.

1454
01:09:50.253 --> 01:09:51.453
He's brilliant.

1455
01:09:51.454 --> 01:09:52.788
Exactly my point.

1456
01:09:52.789 --> 01:09:54.456
lt's an outrage
that his brilliance

1457
01:09:54.457 --> 01:09:56.825
has no affiliation
with this school.

1458
01:09:56.826 --> 01:09:59.294
That's why l found him
and brought him
to your money.

1459
01:09:59.295 --> 01:10:01.559
Attention. Brought him
to your attention.

1460
01:10:01.831 --> 01:10:03.959
(CLOCK BELL STRIKING)

1461
01:10:05.435 --> 01:10:08.103
My goodness,
it is time to take
my medication.

1462
01:10:08.104 --> 01:10:09.671
Professor!

1463
01:10:09.672 --> 01:10:12.407
Hartley loved you.
He's going to be at the
Alumni Ball tomorrow night.

1464
01:10:12.408 --> 01:10:14.676
lf you can prove
the formula works,
the ten million is ours!

1465
01:10:14.677 --> 01:10:17.345
What makes you so sure
that the money is ours,

1466
01:10:17.346 --> 01:10:18.747
instead of just being mine?

1467
01:10:18.748 --> 01:10:21.850
(LAUGHS)
You're good, Love. Very good.

1468
01:10:21.851 --> 01:10:26.288
How'd you like to fill in
for Professor Klump
on a more permanent basis?

1469
01:10:26.289 --> 01:10:27.916
That's what l had in mind.

1470
01:10:28.424 --> 01:10:30.258
He talked to me first.

1471
01:10:30.259 --> 01:10:32.461
Hey, l'm the one
with the gluteus minimus.

1472
01:10:32.462 --> 01:10:35.464
Will you guys just chill?
He said he could handle
all three of us.

1473
01:10:35.465 --> 01:10:37.956
With a name like Buddy Love,
l bet he can.

1474
01:10:40.803 --> 01:10:43.568
Carla, are you ready
to go upstairs?

1475
01:10:45.308 --> 01:10:47.309
l guess not.

1476
01:10:47.310 --> 01:10:49.744
Hey... Where you going?
What's your problem?

1477
01:10:49.745 --> 01:10:53.248
They're my problem,
and you can handle
all three of them, huh?

1478
01:10:53.249 --> 01:10:56.485
Oh, well, l thought after
dinner you might want to
have a little group activity.

1479
01:10:56.486 --> 01:10:59.521
After all, Buddy does
have a lot of love to give.

1480
01:10:59.522 --> 01:11:03.024
Oh, you are one sick,
twisted freak!

1481
01:11:03.025 --> 01:11:05.627
Oh, come on, Carla.
What's the... Hey!

1482
01:11:05.628 --> 01:11:09.765
Go on, leave!
There's more titties
over here anyway!

1483
01:11:09.766 --> 01:11:11.533
Think l want them two titties.
l have six titties.

1484
01:11:11.534 --> 01:11:14.736
l had two titties.
Now l have six.
That's multiplication.

1485
01:11:14.737 --> 01:11:16.068
(ALL LAUGHING)

1486
01:11:16.739 --> 01:11:21.042
(ON STEREO) Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

1487
01:11:21.043 --> 01:11:22.577
Boys will be boys

1488
01:11:22.578 --> 01:11:23.678
(BUDDY CHEERING) Yeah!

1489
01:11:23.679 --> 01:11:26.815
Yeah! Yeah!

1490
01:11:26.816 --> 01:11:29.785
Oh, yeah!
This is what l call
burning calories!

1491
01:11:29.786 --> 01:11:32.053
Come on!
Help me burn this stuff up!

1492
01:11:32.054 --> 01:11:33.886
(GUESTS WHOOPING)

1493
01:11:34.023 --> 01:11:36.591
Yeah! Hey, this is going down
to Mr. Wilson downstairs!

1494
01:11:36.592 --> 01:11:40.495
(CHANTING) The roof, the roof,
the roof is on fire

1495
01:11:40.496 --> 01:11:44.228
(ALL CHANTING) The roof,
the roof, the roof is on fire

1496
01:11:44.367 --> 01:11:49.305
(WHOOPING)

1497
01:11:54.944 --> 01:11:56.002
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

1498
01:11:56.612 --> 01:11:57.875
Sherman?

1499
01:12:00.116 --> 01:12:02.209
(CANS CRUNCHING)

1500
01:12:06.589 --> 01:12:08.114
Sherman?

1501
01:12:08.324 --> 01:12:09.723
(CANS CLATTERING)

1502
01:12:11.928 --> 01:12:13.156
Sherman?

1503
01:12:15.565 --> 01:12:16.554
(MOANING)

1504
01:12:17.800 --> 01:12:20.135
(SNIFFING AND SMACKING LIPS)

1505
01:12:20.136 --> 01:12:21.399
CARLA: Sherman?

1506
01:12:21.671 --> 01:12:22.661
(CHUCKLING)

1507
01:12:24.006 --> 01:12:25.269
Sherman?

1508
01:12:27.843 --> 01:12:28.833
(GASPS)

1509
01:12:29.712 --> 01:12:31.203
(LOUD THUD)

1510
01:12:32.415 --> 01:12:35.509
Sherman, is that you?
Are you all right?

1511
01:12:36.819 --> 01:12:38.853
Oh, hi, Carla. Hi.

1512
01:12:38.854 --> 01:12:40.186
(CHUCKLING)

1513
01:12:40.456 --> 01:12:42.057
Did you have a party
last night?

1514
01:12:42.058 --> 01:12:43.692
Oh, no.
My cleaning lady's...

1515
01:12:43.693 --> 01:12:46.595
Cleaning lady's sick,
so l got to clean up myself.

1516
01:12:46.596 --> 01:12:48.463
l see.
You sure she didn't die?

1517
01:12:48.464 --> 01:12:49.564
(LAUGHING)

1518
01:12:49.565 --> 01:12:50.931
(TOILET FLUSHING)

1519
01:12:51.567 --> 01:12:54.436
Oh. Look, l'm a little
embarrassed about the way
how my place is looking.

1520
01:12:54.437 --> 01:12:56.371
Why don't l clean up
and get back at you later?

1521
01:12:56.372 --> 01:12:59.474
No, no, no. Sherman,
l need to talk to you now.

1522
01:12:59.475 --> 01:13:00.909
lt's about Buddy.

1523
01:13:00.910 --> 01:13:02.143
He hasn't been misbehaving,
has he?

1524
01:13:02.144 --> 01:13:05.376
He's an egotistical pig,
and l wish l never met him.

1525
01:13:06.115 --> 01:13:08.583
But, Sherman,
l owe you a very big apology.

1526
01:13:08.584 --> 01:13:10.385
You owe me an apology?
Yes.

1527
01:13:10.386 --> 01:13:12.354
Last night
l was only trying to help,

1528
01:13:12.355 --> 01:13:15.457
l insisted that Buddy Love
speak to Harlan Hartley.

1529
01:13:15.458 --> 01:13:17.592
He took all the credit
for your research.

1530
01:13:17.593 --> 01:13:18.893
Now Dean Richmond...

1531
01:13:18.894 --> 01:13:20.089
WOMAN: Where's Buddy?

1532
01:13:23.399 --> 01:13:24.866
Oh...
Buddy came here?

1533
01:13:24.867 --> 01:13:26.234
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
No!

1534
01:13:26.235 --> 01:13:27.566
So what's this?

1535
01:13:27.870 --> 01:13:29.371
Are you guys...
You guys share girls?

1536
01:13:29.372 --> 01:13:30.639
Oh, no, no, no, no.

1537
01:13:30.640 --> 01:13:31.706
l guess l was next
on the list.

1538
01:13:31.707 --> 01:13:33.208
No, you don't understand.

1539
01:13:33.209 --> 01:13:36.678
l cannot believe
l came over here
feeling sorry for you.

1540
01:13:36.679 --> 01:13:38.680
Carla, will you please
just listen to me?

1541
01:13:38.681 --> 01:13:40.282
l assure you it is not
what it appears to be!

1542
01:13:40.283 --> 01:13:41.716
You're no better
than he is!

1543
01:13:41.717 --> 01:13:45.654
You are just as sick
as Buddy, and l don't wanna
see you or him again!

1544
01:13:45.655 --> 01:13:49.291
Carla, please
just listen. Carla!

1545
01:13:49.292 --> 01:13:52.557
"Eviction notice?
Violation of noise ordinance?"

1546
01:13:52.695 --> 01:13:54.396
(CANS CLATTERING)

1547
01:13:54.397 --> 01:13:57.766
Professor, we have to get
to the lab right away.

1548
01:13:57.767 --> 01:13:59.801
Whatever it is, is gonna
have to wait until later.

1549
01:13:59.802 --> 01:14:03.602
No, that's the thing.
There isn't gonna be a later.

1550
01:14:05.975 --> 01:14:08.276
JASON: Professor,
what did you do last night?

1551
01:14:08.277 --> 01:14:12.480
Jason,
l have such a bad hangover,
l honestly do not remember.

1552
01:14:12.481 --> 01:14:15.517
Well, the good news is
l'm not going to kill you,

1553
01:14:15.518 --> 01:14:17.185
not physically, anyway.

1554
01:14:17.186 --> 01:14:19.287
l am, however,
going to kill you
professionally.

1555
01:14:19.288 --> 01:14:21.256
You're not only fired
from this institution,

1556
01:14:21.257 --> 01:14:22.824
but l'm going to make sure
you never get hired

1557
01:14:22.825 --> 01:14:24.025
by any other college
in the state,

1558
01:14:24.026 --> 01:14:26.795
the country, the world,
maybe even the universe.

1559
01:14:26.796 --> 01:14:30.231
Unless, of course,
they're looking for teachers
on Planet Fat.

1560
01:14:30.232 --> 01:14:31.366
Oh, by the way,

1561
01:14:31.367 --> 01:14:34.135
Buddy Love is going to
be using your invitation
to the alumni ball,

1562
01:14:34.136 --> 01:14:36.738
so show a little school spirit
and see that he gets it.

1563
01:14:36.739 --> 01:14:38.606
(SINGING) We're in the money

1564
01:14:38.607 --> 01:14:40.974
Put that food down!
They ate yesterday!

1565
01:14:43.112 --> 01:14:47.148
...really tight
and say, "Yes, l can."

1566
01:14:47.149 --> 01:14:48.550
Say it again.

1567
01:14:48.551 --> 01:14:50.781
LANCE AND AUDIENCE:
Yes, l can!

1568
01:14:56.459 --> 01:14:58.593
Hey, chunky drawers!
Hey, tank ass!

1569
01:14:58.594 --> 01:15:01.496
What are you eating?
Mu·in? Strudel? Put it down.
Let me talk to you.

1570
01:15:01.497 --> 01:15:05.266
lf you're receiving
this message, that means
you went and plumped back up

1571
01:15:05.267 --> 01:15:08.803
to your usual, fat, sorry,
stuff-my-face-till-
l'm almost-dead self.

1572
01:15:08.804 --> 01:15:11.239
ls that what you did?
Shame on you, Sherman!

1573
01:15:11.240 --> 01:15:14.542
Do you know
what you did last night?
You had the time of your life.

1574
01:15:14.543 --> 01:15:16.244
Do you know
you can get arrested
in ·· states

1575
01:15:16.245 --> 01:15:18.179
for the shit you did
just last night?

1576
01:15:18.180 --> 01:15:19.546
(GIGGLING)

1577
01:15:20.216 --> 01:15:21.783
Oh, my goodness!

1578
01:15:21.784 --> 01:15:23.118
You know what you need to do?

1579
01:15:23.119 --> 01:15:24.753
You need to go down
to the laboratory

1580
01:15:24.754 --> 01:15:26.755
and mix up another batch
of this blue stuff.

1581
01:15:26.756 --> 01:15:29.724
Come on back to the party,
Sherman, because Carla
doesn't want you.

1582
01:15:29.725 --> 01:15:32.027
She wants me. Me, not you.

1583
01:15:32.028 --> 01:15:35.030
So come join me
because you can't beat me.

1584
01:15:35.031 --> 01:15:38.733
You can't beat me.
You can't beat me!

1585
01:15:38.734 --> 01:15:41.202
Yes, l can!

1586
01:15:41.203 --> 01:15:42.603
(BUDDY LAUGHS)
Yes, l can.

1587
01:15:47.710 --> 01:15:49.611
Professor, l got your
message. What's up?

1588
01:15:49.612 --> 01:15:52.280
l'm going
to that alumni ball tonight,
and l'm gonna reclaim my life.

1589
01:15:52.281 --> 01:15:54.949
Yes! l'm so glad
to hear you say that.

1590
01:15:54.950 --> 01:15:56.851
Get things straight
with Miss Purty,

1591
01:15:56.852 --> 01:15:58.420
and l'm gonna get that grant
from Harlan Hartley.

1592
01:15:58.421 --> 01:15:59.687
Excellent.

1593
01:15:59.688 --> 01:16:03.284
Jason, we have seen
the last of Buddy Love.

1594
01:16:09.098 --> 01:16:11.123
(BIG BAND PLAYS lN THE MOOD)

1595
01:16:21.110 --> 01:16:23.711
Horace, good to see you.
The jitterbug contest
just started.

1596
01:16:23.712 --> 01:16:25.914
l'm kidding, l'm kidding.
Your table's upstairs.

1597
01:16:25.915 --> 01:16:27.916
That's anotherjoke.

1598
01:16:27.917 --> 01:16:30.819
When did you marry
Sharon Stone?

1599
01:16:30.820 --> 01:16:33.555
Keep those legs crossed.

1600
01:16:33.556 --> 01:16:36.891
Hartley. Damn it.
And where the hell
is Buddy Love?

1601
01:16:36.892 --> 01:16:38.293
No sign of him yet, sir.

1602
01:16:38.294 --> 01:16:39.627
Here's an idea.

1603
01:16:39.628 --> 01:16:40.695
Find him!

1604
01:16:40.696 --> 01:16:42.030
Yes, sir.

1605
01:16:42.031 --> 01:16:43.598
Harlan.
Well, Richmond.

1606
01:16:43.599 --> 01:16:44.999
Where's your
Professor Buddy Love?

1607
01:16:45.000 --> 01:16:46.201
Oh, with you
it's always business.

1608
01:16:46.202 --> 01:16:47.802
Let's get to know each other
man-to-man.

1609
01:16:47.803 --> 01:16:49.070
Now, if our files are correct,

1610
01:16:49.071 --> 01:16:51.439
you and your fabulous wife
have a terrific daughter.

1611
01:16:51.440 --> 01:16:53.708
l'm divorced,
and my daughter is in rehab.

1612
01:16:53.709 --> 01:16:55.877
So you're saying
our files are not correct.

1613
01:16:55.878 --> 01:16:57.846
Listen,
you pompous butt-kisser.

1614
01:16:57.847 --> 01:17:00.215
l have a check in my pocket
for $10 million.

1615
01:17:00.216 --> 01:17:03.117
Your Buddy Love
has till midnight
to prove that formula works.

1616
01:17:03.118 --> 01:17:05.653
He'll be here,
the formula works,
and you have the check.

1617
01:17:05.654 --> 01:17:08.089
Really? On you now?
Because on behalf of...
Which pocket?

1618
01:17:08.090 --> 01:17:11.059
No, don't tell me.
Let me smell it. Punch?

1619
01:17:11.060 --> 01:17:13.228
Oh, come on, now.
Look at this.

1620
01:17:13.229 --> 01:17:15.430
l can't eat this.
This stuff is too tiny.

1621
01:17:15.431 --> 01:17:16.931
l can't get full
off this mess!

1622
01:17:16.932 --> 01:17:19.601
l think it's wonderful,
all the precious
little finger foods.

1623
01:17:19.602 --> 01:17:21.202
Finger food?
l got a finger for them.

1624
01:17:21.203 --> 01:17:23.004
l ain't paid no $100 ticket
for no finger food.

1625
01:17:23.005 --> 01:17:25.473
l could go down to Subway,
get me a sandwich for $3.

1626
01:17:25.474 --> 01:17:27.876
l gotta pay a $100 ticket
for finger food?

1627
01:17:27.877 --> 01:17:29.677
You must be crazy
to think l'm gonna eat this...

1628
01:17:29.678 --> 01:17:30.912
You're getting on
my damn nerves!

1629
01:17:30.913 --> 01:17:32.113
Shut up!
l'm hungry!

1630
01:17:32.114 --> 01:17:35.083
There's Carla. l wonder if
she's seen Sherman. Carla!

1631
01:17:35.084 --> 01:17:36.552
Carla. Oh.

1632
01:17:37.319 --> 01:17:38.685
(LAUGHING)

1633
01:17:40.289 --> 01:17:42.824
(LAUGHING)
Oh, you look fabulous.

1634
01:17:42.825 --> 01:17:44.325
Thank you, Mrs. Klump.

1635
01:17:44.326 --> 01:17:45.693
Have you seen Sherman?

1636
01:17:45.694 --> 01:17:46.828
Yeah, where's Sherman at?

1637
01:17:46.829 --> 01:17:48.830
l ain't come
to pay no $100 ticket
to suffer this alone.

1638
01:17:48.831 --> 01:17:50.064
Cletus, shut up, please!

1639
01:17:50.065 --> 01:17:52.500
Hey! That's strike two.

1640
01:17:53.235 --> 01:17:55.170
l don't think Sherman
will be coming tonight.

1641
01:17:55.171 --> 01:17:57.572
Yes, he is.
Sherman called me and told me
make sure we was here.

1642
01:17:57.573 --> 01:17:59.374
He got a big announcement
to make.

1643
01:17:59.375 --> 01:18:01.609
Something about getting it
all off his chest.

1644
01:18:01.610 --> 01:18:04.379
Have you noticed
that Sherman's been acting
kind of strange lately?

1645
01:18:04.380 --> 01:18:07.215
Sherman has definitely
been acting strange lately.

1646
01:18:07.216 --> 01:18:09.250
l knew it!
See, Cletus? l told you.

1647
01:18:09.251 --> 01:18:12.787
You really think
l be listening to you.
l ain't listening to you!

1648
01:18:12.788 --> 01:18:14.689
Well, Mrs. Klump,
l hope you have
a wonderful evening.

1649
01:18:14.690 --> 01:18:18.293
Oh, you do the same.
Thank you so much.
So precious.

1650
01:18:18.294 --> 01:18:19.527
Look at your
little purple dress.

1651
01:18:19.528 --> 01:18:21.462
They gonna think we twins.

1652
01:18:21.463 --> 01:18:22.697
(CHUCKLING)
Mr. Klump.

1653
01:18:22.698 --> 01:18:23.932
Oh, yeah, yeah.

1654
01:18:23.933 --> 01:18:26.000
Fabulous.

1655
01:18:26.001 --> 01:18:28.803
You know, Cletus,
l think something's going on
between her and Sherman.

1656
01:18:28.804 --> 01:18:31.439
You don't go get up
in Sherman's business.
That's Sherman's business.

1657
01:18:31.440 --> 01:18:33.908
Sherman's business?
That's my business.
Sherman is my baby.

1658
01:18:33.909 --> 01:18:36.344
Sherman's 35 years old!
What you talking about
he's your baby?

1659
01:18:36.345 --> 01:18:37.979
l don't wanna hear it.
Shut up, please!

1660
01:18:37.980 --> 01:18:39.581
Carla!
That's strike three, damn it!

1661
01:18:39.582 --> 01:18:41.716
Don't you walk away
from me, God damn it!

1662
01:18:41.717 --> 01:18:43.184
(MUTTERING)

1663
01:18:43.185 --> 01:18:44.719
Hey, this is the last
of it, Professor.

1664
01:18:44.720 --> 01:18:46.421
l'll tell you this, Jason.

1665
01:18:46.422 --> 01:18:49.490
lf l'm gonna change my life,
it's not gonna come
from some magic drink.

1666
01:18:49.491 --> 01:18:53.724
Gotta come from a lot
of hard work and exercise
and plenty of these.

1667
01:18:53.896 --> 01:18:56.490
Good bye, Buddy Love.
Hello, Megashake.

1668
01:18:58.500 --> 01:18:59.490
(GULPING)

1669
01:19:03.239 --> 01:19:04.604
(SCREAMING)

1670
01:19:05.341 --> 01:19:06.706
Professor?

1671
01:19:09.845 --> 01:19:11.145
Oh!

1672
01:19:11.146 --> 01:19:14.315
l lost 300 pounds
in 30 seconds!

1673
01:19:14.316 --> 01:19:15.617
Thanks, Megashake!

1674
01:19:15.618 --> 01:19:17.352
You tricked him!

1675
01:19:17.353 --> 01:19:18.753
You damn right, hamster boy.

1676
01:19:18.754 --> 01:19:20.121
l knew Sherman
was gonna go soft on me.

1677
01:19:20.122 --> 01:19:22.090
That can wreak havoc
on a man's sex life.

1678
01:19:22.258 --> 01:19:23.825
(LAUGHING)

1679
01:19:23.826 --> 01:19:25.426
See, l've done
some calculations of my own.

1680
01:19:25.427 --> 01:19:27.161
lf l drink 500 milliliters
of formula,

1681
01:19:27.162 --> 01:19:28.429
l'll have enough
cellular stability

1682
01:19:28.430 --> 01:19:29.697
to be rid of Sherman's ass
forever!

1683
01:19:29.698 --> 01:19:32.266
You drink that much formula
at one time
and it will kill you!

1684
01:19:32.267 --> 01:19:33.601
lf l drink it all at once,
yes.

1685
01:19:33.602 --> 01:19:35.737
lf l drink half now
and half later, that's safe.

1686
01:19:35.738 --> 01:19:37.939
At midnight, l don't have
to worry about turning
into no Klumpkin.

1687
01:19:37.940 --> 01:19:40.241
lf you don't mind, l have
a date at the alumni ball,

1688
01:19:40.242 --> 01:19:41.676
and you have a date
with linoleum.

1689
01:19:41.677 --> 01:19:43.145
Who?

1690
01:19:44.313 --> 01:19:45.746
(MAMA KLUMP LAUGHS)

1691
01:19:48.517 --> 01:19:51.986
No, no, no, child.
Not a wild party.
Not Sherman.

1692
01:19:51.987 --> 01:19:54.055
He's too shy
for something like that.
He hates parties.

1693
01:19:54.056 --> 01:19:57.458
ln fact, we tried
to have a party for Sherman
when he was 1·-years-old

1694
01:19:57.459 --> 01:20:00.662
and he's so shy,
he didn't even show up.

1695
01:20:00.663 --> 01:20:03.097
Well, l must admit,
it didn't seem like
the Sherman l knew.

1696
01:20:03.098 --> 01:20:04.265
Oh, no, not my baby.

1697
01:20:04.266 --> 01:20:05.767
Maybe he loaned his house
out to somebody

1698
01:20:05.768 --> 01:20:07.268
or one of his buddies
was throwing a party.

1699
01:20:07.269 --> 01:20:08.503
BUDDY: Yeah!

1700
01:20:08.504 --> 01:20:11.472
ls that a test tube
in my pocket? Or am l just
happy to see you?

1701
01:20:11.473 --> 01:20:13.508
Oh! How dare you?
Oh, you know you loved it.

1702
01:20:13.509 --> 01:20:14.776
l felt you percolating.

1703
01:20:14.777 --> 01:20:16.177
(GASPS)
Whoo!

1704
01:20:16.178 --> 01:20:18.179
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Thank you so much.

1705
01:20:18.180 --> 01:20:20.548
Oh! What you serving here?

1706
01:20:20.549 --> 01:20:23.284
This stuff is... Y'all got to
get some collard greens
and yams!

1707
01:20:23.285 --> 01:20:24.485
Some red beans and rice!

1708
01:20:24.486 --> 01:20:25.620
Some "Buddy" is right.

1709
01:20:25.621 --> 01:20:27.088
This ain't no party!
RICHMOND: Dr. Love!

1710
01:20:27.089 --> 01:20:28.323
This ain't no ball!

1711
01:20:28.324 --> 01:20:30.224
Y'all gotta get y'all
some peach cobbler up in here!

1712
01:20:30.225 --> 01:20:33.528
Professor Love!
Where the hell have you been?

1713
01:20:33.529 --> 01:20:35.329
l've been nursemaiding Hartley
for three hours,

1714
01:20:35.330 --> 01:20:36.798
and if l didn't need
that money...

1715
01:20:36.799 --> 01:20:37.965
Shut up!

1716
01:20:37.966 --> 01:20:39.734
Who you think
you're talking to,
Sherman Klump?

1717
01:20:39.735 --> 01:20:41.836
Man, if you ever talk
to me like that again,
l'll kill you!

1718
01:20:41.837 --> 01:20:44.505
l don't mean that
as a euphemism. l mean,
l'm gonna literally kill you.

1719
01:20:44.506 --> 01:20:48.841
l'm gonna strangle you
and cut off your air supply
until you pass away!

1720
01:20:49.578 --> 01:20:52.046
BUDDY: Now find the rich dummy
a seat. lt's show time.

1721
01:20:52.047 --> 01:20:54.015
lt's show time, everybody!

1722
01:20:54.016 --> 01:20:55.711
Show time!

1723
01:20:55.918 --> 01:20:57.909
(BUDDY CACKLING)

1724
01:20:58.654 --> 01:20:59.754
(JASON GROANING)

1725
01:20:59.755 --> 01:21:01.587
(BEEPING)

1726
01:21:08.430 --> 01:21:10.364
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

1727
01:21:18.707 --> 01:21:20.141
BUDDY: That's enough
out of you! That's it.

1728
01:21:20.142 --> 01:21:21.442
You're the reason
everybody falling asleep.

1729
01:21:21.443 --> 01:21:22.777
Take a break, Nigger-ace.

1730
01:21:22.778 --> 01:21:25.046
Take the Everly Brothers
with you. Get out of here!

1731
01:21:25.047 --> 01:21:28.750
Look at everybody sleeping
because of y'all!
lt's show time!

1732
01:21:28.751 --> 01:21:32.053
Now why are y'all
looking at me
like y'all don't know me?

1733
01:21:32.054 --> 01:21:33.554
Y'all know me!

1734
01:21:33.555 --> 01:21:35.423
l don't know that fool.

1735
01:21:35.424 --> 01:21:37.892
How about now?
You recognize me?

1736
01:21:37.893 --> 01:21:39.127
l don't know that fool.

1737
01:21:39.128 --> 01:21:40.428
Maybe it's because

1738
01:21:40.429 --> 01:21:44.195
this morning,
l weighed 400 pounds!

1739
01:21:44.666 --> 01:21:46.794
You should've seen me.
Look at me now.

1740
01:21:46.969 --> 01:21:49.570
You know how l did it?
One sip.

1741
01:21:49.571 --> 01:21:51.806
l know why he like that,
'cause he drunk.

1742
01:21:51.807 --> 01:21:54.208
Be quiet!
Don't tell me to be quiet!
He drunk!

1743
01:21:54.209 --> 01:21:57.145
l like to call it
"Buddy's Wonder Tonic."

1744
01:21:57.146 --> 01:21:58.713
l know what wonder tonic
you had.

1745
01:21:58.714 --> 01:21:59.814
(WATCH ALARM BEEPING)

1746
01:21:59.815 --> 01:22:01.783
Right on schedule.

1747
01:22:01.784 --> 01:22:05.753
Cellular destabilization
due to arrive
in exactly three,

1748
01:22:05.754 --> 01:22:06.821
(BEEPING)

1749
01:22:06.822 --> 01:22:09.348
two, one...

1750
01:22:09.491 --> 01:22:11.084
(SLOSHING)

1751
01:22:11.560 --> 01:22:12.727
Ain't that a bitch!

1752
01:22:12.728 --> 01:22:13.828
What the hell?
My goodness!

1753
01:22:13.829 --> 01:22:15.663
Hey, moneybags,
you want a demonstration?

1754
01:22:15.664 --> 01:22:18.395
Well, then feast your eyes
on this.

1755
01:22:21.203 --> 01:22:22.796
(SLOSHING)

1756
01:22:25.407 --> 01:22:26.707
That's a hell of a trick.

1757
01:22:26.708 --> 01:22:28.009
(BEEPING)

1758
01:22:28.010 --> 01:22:30.311
Ladies and gentlemen,
for my final demonstration...

1759
01:22:30.312 --> 01:22:34.772
Look out, David Copperfield.
l'm about to make
a 400-pound fat man

1760
01:22:35.184 --> 01:22:36.784
disappear forever!

1761
01:22:36.785 --> 01:22:40.016
No! Wait!

1762
01:22:40.589 --> 01:22:44.492
l cannot let you
do this anymore!

1763
01:22:44.493 --> 01:22:47.155
This has got to stop!

1764
01:22:48.831 --> 01:22:52.233
This man is trying to kill
Professor Sherman Klump!

1765
01:22:52.234 --> 01:22:54.168
That's it.
l'm glad l brought my knife.

1766
01:22:54.169 --> 01:22:55.770
Mmm-hmm.
And l got my razor.

1767
01:22:55.771 --> 01:22:57.104
Hand over the vial now!

1768
01:22:57.105 --> 01:22:58.506
Oh, sure thing, hamster boy.

1769
01:22:58.507 --> 01:23:00.999
But first,
a short musical interlude.

1770
01:23:01.844 --> 01:23:02.833
(GASPING)

1771
01:23:04.079 --> 01:23:05.146
Buddy!

1772
01:23:05.147 --> 01:23:07.782
What has gotten into you,
and where is Sherman?

1773
01:23:07.783 --> 01:23:09.417
Sherman is gone!
Disappeared!

1774
01:23:09.418 --> 01:23:11.052
(MUTTERING)
What the hell...

1775
01:23:11.053 --> 01:23:14.021
And that's a pretty good trick
for a man with an ass
as big as his.

1776
01:23:14.022 --> 01:23:15.122
(BEEPING)

1777
01:23:15.123 --> 01:23:16.657
Oh! l'm late
for an appointment.

1778
01:23:16.658 --> 01:23:19.787
Ladies and gentlemen,
say goodbye to Sherman Klump!

1779
01:23:20.229 --> 01:23:22.630
l hate being called
hamster boy.

1780
01:23:22.631 --> 01:23:23.928
(GUESTS GASPING)

1781
01:23:25.467 --> 01:23:27.936
You just don't know
when to quit, do you?

1782
01:23:28.704 --> 01:23:30.228
(GUESTS GASPING)

1783
01:23:31.607 --> 01:23:33.768
(GRUNTING)

1784
01:23:34.509 --> 01:23:36.740
lt's too late, fat boy.
lt's over!

1785
01:23:37.913 --> 01:23:39.540
(STRAINING) Let go! Let go!

1786
01:23:42.150 --> 01:23:43.351
My goodness! Damn!

1787
01:23:43.352 --> 01:23:46.621
(GRUNTING AND GAGGING)
Give it up, fat boy!
lt's over!

1788
01:23:46.622 --> 01:23:49.190
(lN PROFESSOR'S VOICE)
lt ain't over
till the fat professor sings!

1789
01:23:49.191 --> 01:23:50.291
(SHRIEKING)

1790
01:23:50.292 --> 01:23:53.060
Let go of my hand,
you fat mother...

1791
01:23:53.061 --> 01:23:55.860
Say one more word, Buddy,
l'll tear your arm off!

1792
01:23:56.565 --> 01:24:01.662
lt's time we take Nestea...
Plunge!

1793
01:24:03.372 --> 01:24:04.999
(GRUNTING)

1794
01:24:05.440 --> 01:24:06.574
(SOBBING)

1795
01:24:06.575 --> 01:24:09.601
Gonna get the hell out of here
in a second. lt's okay.

1796
01:24:13.315 --> 01:24:14.840
(GRUNTING)

1797
01:24:17.052 --> 01:24:18.247
Sweet Jesus!

1798
01:24:18.420 --> 01:24:19.487
Sherman!

1799
01:24:19.488 --> 01:24:22.981
Sherman, don't do this!
You need me!

1800
01:24:24.459 --> 01:24:27.292
No, l don't!

1801
01:24:27.629 --> 01:24:29.598
You fat ass!

1802
01:24:30.032 --> 01:24:31.999
Tinkerbell!

1803
01:24:32.000 --> 01:24:33.024
Blubber butt!

1804
01:24:33.802 --> 01:24:35.169
Featherweight!

1805
01:24:35.170 --> 01:24:37.639
Somebody better call
an exorcist!

1806
01:24:38.240 --> 01:24:43.077
Sherman! Sherman!
You can't beat me!

1807
01:24:43.078 --> 01:24:44.807
This is some scary shit!

1808
01:24:45.080 --> 01:24:46.946
(GRUNTING)

1809
01:24:49.418 --> 01:24:53.013
Yes, l can!

1810
01:24:53.355 --> 01:24:55.517
(ALARM BEEPING)

1811
01:24:58.226 --> 01:24:59.994
Sherman, come back here!
Sherman!

1812
01:24:59.995 --> 01:25:01.195
What's happening to me?

1813
01:25:01.196 --> 01:25:05.499
Everything's getting
real dark! Oh!
l feel real jiggly!

1814
01:25:05.500 --> 01:25:07.935
(PANTING) l'm blubbifying!
Sherman!

1815
01:25:07.936 --> 01:25:12.506
You need me!
l taught you to be confident!
You needed me, Sherman!

1816
01:25:12.507 --> 01:25:15.242
Sherman! No matter what!

1817
01:25:15.243 --> 01:25:20.204
No matter what,
you got to strut.

1818
01:25:21.717 --> 01:25:22.950
(CROWD GASPS)

1819
01:25:22.951 --> 01:25:24.146
(SIGHS)

1820
01:25:26.621 --> 01:25:28.055
(CROWD MOANING)

1821
01:25:30.258 --> 01:25:33.751
l ain't gonna be picking up
your big ass all night, Anna.
Shit.

1822
01:25:38.900 --> 01:25:39.890
(GASPS)

1823
01:25:41.503 --> 01:25:42.570
Oh, my God.

1824
01:25:42.571 --> 01:25:43.868
Well, l'll be damned.

1825
01:25:54.616 --> 01:25:55.606
(EXHALES)

1826
01:25:56.184 --> 01:25:59.711
lf you give me a moment,
l believe
l can try to explain.

1827
01:26:02.591 --> 01:26:04.892
My research is...

1828
01:26:04.893 --> 01:26:08.229
Well, when l started out l...

1829
01:26:08.230 --> 01:26:10.596
l wanted to help people.

1830
01:26:11.099 --> 01:26:13.591
But l became desperate
and selfish.

1831
01:26:15.570 --> 01:26:17.368
What l did was wrong.

1832
01:26:21.043 --> 01:26:24.478
Buddy's who l thought
the whole world
wanted me to be.

1833
01:26:24.479 --> 01:26:26.948
He's who l thought
l wanted to be.

1834
01:26:28.450 --> 01:26:32.586
And sometimes
when you want something
so, so bad,

1835
01:26:32.587 --> 01:26:35.182
you do just about anything
to get it.

1836
01:26:40.462 --> 01:26:43.597
But l learned one thing
from Buddy.

1837
01:26:43.598 --> 01:26:46.434
l learned
that life is not about

1838
01:26:46.435 --> 01:26:48.769
being happy
about how much you weigh,

1839
01:26:48.770 --> 01:26:51.171
but just being happy
with yourself.

1840
01:26:54.109 --> 01:26:55.543
l'm terribly sorry
about all this.

1841
01:26:55.544 --> 01:26:58.279
l hope l haven't ruined
everybody's evening.

1842
01:26:58.280 --> 01:26:59.941
Please excuse me.

1843
01:27:01.049 --> 01:27:02.380
(WHISPERING) l'm sorry.

1844
01:27:18.100 --> 01:27:20.634
Sherman!

1845
01:27:20.635 --> 01:27:22.703
Sherman!

1846
01:27:22.704 --> 01:27:24.604
Sherman, wait a minute.

1847
01:27:28.410 --> 01:27:30.945
Sherman,
why did you lie to me?

1848
01:27:30.946 --> 01:27:33.714
Why didn't you say anything?

1849
01:27:33.715 --> 01:27:36.350
l didn't think you'd have me.

1850
01:27:36.351 --> 01:27:39.082
l mean,
the fact of the matter is
l'm a big man.

1851
01:27:39.488 --> 01:27:43.657
Now, l will lose weight,
but l'm always gonna be big
no matter what l do.

1852
01:27:43.658 --> 01:27:48.255
So, anybody l wind up with
is just going to have to
accept me for who l am.

1853
01:27:48.930 --> 01:27:53.663
And more important,
l'm just going to have to
accept myself for who l am.

1854
01:27:56.004 --> 01:27:57.938
Sherman,

1855
01:27:58.340 --> 01:28:00.467
l don't have a date tonight.

1856
01:28:03.478 --> 01:28:05.811
Would you like to dance
with me?

1857
01:28:09.818 --> 01:28:11.385
(SOFT CHUCKLE)

1858
01:28:11.386 --> 01:28:12.581
JASON: Professor,

1859
01:28:13.989 --> 01:28:16.219
l thought you might need this.

1860
01:28:16.825 --> 01:28:17.815
(CHUCKLES)

1861
01:28:19.561 --> 01:28:22.363
(CHUCKLING) Yeah, l guess
l tore this one up, huh?

1862
01:28:22.364 --> 01:28:23.593
(LAUGHING)

1863
01:28:36.111 --> 01:28:38.812
You know one thing
l couldn't stand
about that Buddy?

1864
01:28:38.813 --> 01:28:41.182
What's that?
He was too damn scrawny.

1865
01:28:41.183 --> 01:28:42.483
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

1866
01:28:42.484 --> 01:28:45.647
Okay, Professor! Looking good!

1867
01:28:46.688 --> 01:28:49.924
Have l mentioned we also have
a terrific English Department?

1868
01:28:49.925 --> 01:28:51.959
l'm giving him the grant.
What?

1869
01:28:51.960 --> 01:28:54.195
l hate to admit it,
but you're absolutely right.

1870
01:28:54.196 --> 01:28:57.965
He's a brilliant scientist
and a gentleman as well.

1871
01:28:57.966 --> 01:28:59.700
Well, l told you!

1872
01:28:59.701 --> 01:29:00.835
HARTLEY: Will you shut up!

1873
01:29:00.836 --> 01:29:02.235
l'm fine with that.

1874
01:29:05.340 --> 01:29:10.444
Oh, Sherman, Sherman,
Sherman, Sherman, Sherman,
Sherman, Sherman!

1875
01:29:10.445 --> 01:29:13.414
(LAUGHING)
Light as a feather tonight.
Come on, bump me.

1876
01:29:13.415 --> 01:29:14.782
Yeah!

1877
01:29:14.783 --> 01:29:15.883
(GASPS)

1878
01:29:15.884 --> 01:29:19.343
Oh, oh, my goodness!
l'm so sorry. l'm sorry.

1879
01:29:19.654 --> 01:29:21.121
You didn't hurt yourself,
did you?

1880
01:29:21.122 --> 01:29:22.590
(CHUCKLES) l'm fine.

1881
01:29:22.591 --> 01:29:24.320
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1882
01:29:26.895 --> 01:29:28.062
Yeah!

1883
01:29:28.063 --> 01:29:29.587
Fabulous!

1884
01:29:35.570 --> 01:29:37.504
(MACHO MAN PLAYING)

1885
01:29:39.407 --> 01:29:42.076
(FARTING)
Oh, my Lord!

1886
01:29:42.077 --> 01:29:43.977
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1887
01:29:45.580 --> 01:29:48.015
(LAUGHING) Don't start.
Do it again.

1888
01:29:48.016 --> 01:29:51.352
Go on, fart! l hope
your asshole fall out...

1889
01:29:51.353 --> 01:29:52.877
(LAUGHING)

1890
01:29:53.755 --> 01:29:57.291
l thought it just was...
l thought a colonic
was a massage.

1891
01:29:57.292 --> 01:29:58.592
(LAUGHING)

1892
01:29:58.593 --> 01:30:00.186
(CREW LAUGHING)

1893
01:30:01.096 --> 01:30:03.664
For only research, and...

1894
01:30:03.665 --> 01:30:04.765
(LAUGHING)

1895
01:30:04.766 --> 01:30:08.135
(CREW LAUGHING)
What? What film is this?

1896
01:30:08.136 --> 01:30:09.303
Your research.

1897
01:30:09.304 --> 01:30:10.704
Get back in there!

1898
01:30:10.705 --> 01:30:14.575
(LAUGHING)
We ain't ready for you yet.
Now what were you saying?

1899
01:30:14.576 --> 01:30:16.043
Hold on a minute.
Let me go deal with my girl.

1900
01:30:16.044 --> 01:30:17.778
What's wrong with y'all?

1901
01:30:17.779 --> 01:30:20.114
Professor Klump,
the cages, what happened?

1902
01:30:20.115 --> 01:30:22.549
They can't see me
with your head there.

1903
01:30:22.550 --> 01:30:23.918
(CREW LAUGHING)

1904
01:30:23.919 --> 01:30:26.752
l made a fart last week.

1905
01:30:26.955 --> 01:30:30.090
lt smelled so bad
it had a chain
hanging from it.

1906
01:30:30.091 --> 01:30:31.158
(LAUGHING)

1907
01:30:31.159 --> 01:30:33.059
(CREW LAUGHING)

1908
01:30:38.900 --> 01:30:41.201
(MUFFLED) l can't talk.

1909
01:30:41.202 --> 01:30:42.795
(CREW LAUGHING)

1910
01:30:44.940 --> 01:30:46.498
(CREW LAUGHING)

1911
01:30:48.877 --> 01:30:51.745
l seen Sherman
get so hungry once
when he was young,

1912
01:30:51.746 --> 01:30:53.914
he beat up a grown man.

1913
01:30:53.915 --> 01:30:55.576
(CREW LAUGHING)

1914
01:30:56.251 --> 01:30:57.685
l'm sorry.

1915
01:30:57.686 --> 01:30:59.085
(LAUGHING)

1916
01:31:00.488 --> 01:31:04.725
l'm freaking out over here
'cause Eddie's over here
saying some wild crap.

1917
01:31:04.726 --> 01:31:05.926
Do you...

1918
01:31:05.927 --> 01:31:07.258
(LAUGHING)

1919
01:31:08.330 --> 01:31:09.396
(FARTING)

1920
01:31:09.397 --> 01:31:11.532
(LAUGHING) Oh!
You're supposed to say,
"Excuse me."

1921
01:31:11.533 --> 01:31:12.599
(FARTING)

1922
01:31:12.600 --> 01:31:16.036
Oh! Oh, baby, you...

1923
01:31:16.037 --> 01:31:17.368
(LAUGHING)

1924
01:31:18.273 --> 01:31:22.509
(LAUGHING)
Hey, little Hercules,
you want some more coleslaw?

1925
01:31:22.510 --> 01:31:24.035
(CREW LAUGHING)

1926
01:31:25.613 --> 01:31:28.382
Come on, Cletus. Come on.
No (BEEP) it... Come on.

1927
01:31:28.383 --> 01:31:31.752
Come on, Cletus. Come on.
Come on, Cletus.

1928
01:31:31.753 --> 01:31:34.588
Come on. Come on, Cletus!

1929
01:31:34.589 --> 01:31:35.856
(CREW LAUGHING)

1930
01:31:35.857 --> 01:31:39.193
Come on! Come on, Cletus. No.

1931
01:31:39.194 --> 01:31:42.062
Come on, come on.
No (BEEP) it... Come on.

1932
01:31:42.063 --> 01:31:45.532
Come on, come on, come on,
let's do this.

1933
01:31:45.533 --> 01:31:46.800
Let's do this!

1934
01:31:46.801 --> 01:31:48.133
(LAUGHING)

1935
01:31:51.373 --> 01:31:54.308
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey, hey

1936
01:31:54.309 --> 01:31:56.577
Ooo

1937
01:31:56.578 --> 01:31:57.911
Oh

1938
01:31:57.912 --> 01:32:00.438
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah

1939
01:32:03.418 --> 01:32:07.184
Boy, you got a lot to learn
about love

1940
01:32:08.390 --> 01:32:13.394
You just gotta get down
with the right equation

1941
01:32:13.395 --> 01:32:16.930
Put down that book
and see what you're missing

1942
01:32:16.931 --> 01:32:18.298
Missing

1943
01:32:18.299 --> 01:32:20.033
Come and get your A

1944
01:32:20.034 --> 01:32:21.635
Come and get it,
come and get it

1945
01:32:21.636 --> 01:32:23.170
Come and get it,
come and get it,
come and get it

1946
01:32:23.171 --> 01:32:24.271
Ooo

1947
01:32:24.272 --> 01:32:25.706
Homework

1948
01:32:25.707 --> 01:32:27.775
Something that you got to do

1949
01:32:27.776 --> 01:32:30.644
lt's a school rule

1950
01:32:30.645 --> 01:32:33.881
And you know
you got to go through

1951
01:32:33.882 --> 01:32:39.153
First grade
before you get to graduation

1952
01:32:39.154 --> 01:32:40.654
Homework

1953
01:32:40.655 --> 01:32:44.158
Welcome to your education

1954
01:32:44.159 --> 01:32:45.592
Homework

1955
01:32:45.593 --> 01:32:48.862
Learn a little every day

1956
01:32:48.863 --> 01:32:50.397
Homework

1957
01:32:50.398 --> 01:32:52.867
Know a little every day

1958
01:33:03.044 --> 01:33:04.812
Another Friday night

1959
01:33:04.813 --> 01:33:07.114
Another honey
sitting in my ride

1960
01:33:07.115 --> 01:33:09.883
Another lyrical favor
from your sexy neighbor

1961
01:33:09.884 --> 01:33:12.319
Make you wave your hands
from side to side

1962
01:33:12.320 --> 01:33:14.121
ln '95 we did it

1963
01:33:14.122 --> 01:33:16.723
But this year
l bring a new twist

1964
01:33:16.724 --> 01:33:19.693
You see, l'm hear to announce
this song of a bounce

1965
01:33:19.694 --> 01:33:22.763
So everybody bounce 2 this

1966
01:33:22.764 --> 01:33:24.698
lt's so right
lt's so right

1967
01:33:24.699 --> 01:33:26.300
lt's so nice

1968
01:33:26.301 --> 01:33:29.636
l tell you, it'll make you
wanna bounce 2 this

1969
01:33:29.637 --> 01:33:31.472
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this

1970
01:33:31.473 --> 01:33:33.073
Yeah, it's so right

1971
01:33:33.074 --> 01:33:34.842
lt's so nice
lt's so nice

1972
01:33:34.843 --> 01:33:36.009
lt's so nice

1973
01:33:36.010 --> 01:33:39.079
l tell you it'll make you
wanna bounce 2 this

1974
01:33:39.080 --> 01:33:41.048
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this

1975
01:33:41.049 --> 01:33:42.716
Yeah, it's so right

1976
01:33:42.717 --> 01:33:44.118
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this

1977
01:33:44.119 --> 01:33:45.586
Come on, baby

1978
01:33:45.587 --> 01:33:48.388
New York, bounce 2 this

1979
01:33:48.389 --> 01:33:49.490
Come on, now

1980
01:33:49.491 --> 01:33:50.858
Yeah, bounce 2 this

1981
01:33:50.859 --> 01:33:52.926
Atlanta, bounce 2 this
Yeah

1982
01:33:52.927 --> 01:33:55.195
Come on, baby, bounce 2 this

1983
01:33:55.196 --> 01:33:57.030
D.C with a go-go

1984
01:33:57.031 --> 01:33:58.332
Bounce 2 this

1985
01:33:58.333 --> 01:34:00.033
You know l mean it
Bounce 2 this

1986
01:34:00.034 --> 01:34:01.335
lt's all right

1987
01:34:01.336 --> 01:34:04.838
l been to parties
across the USA

1988
01:34:04.839 --> 01:34:09.643
l've been to other countries
and l made those people say

1989
01:34:09.644 --> 01:34:14.448
For dinner,
oh, my cup is finally low

1990
01:34:14.449 --> 01:34:17.584
So pass the yellow Z
and hold on now

1991
01:34:17.585 --> 01:34:20.020
Ladies, help me sing it

1992
01:34:20.021 --> 01:34:24.024
WOMEN: l wanna party
across the USA

1993
01:34:24.025 --> 01:34:25.359
You go, sugar

1994
01:34:25.360 --> 01:34:28.896
l've been to other countries
and l heard those people say

1995
01:34:28.897 --> 01:34:31.665
For dinner

1996
01:34:31.666 --> 01:34:34.001
My cup was running low

1997
01:34:34.002 --> 01:34:36.803
Now pass the yellow Z
and let the music play

1998
01:34:36.804 --> 01:34:39.573
And act like you know
it's all right

1999
01:34:39.574 --> 01:34:40.707
lt's all right

2000
01:34:40.708 --> 01:34:42.109
lt's so nice

2001
01:34:42.110 --> 01:34:43.277
lt's so nice

2002
01:34:43.278 --> 01:34:46.413
And l'll make you
wanna bounce 2 this

2003
01:34:46.414 --> 01:34:48.282
Bounce 2 this, bounce 2 this

2004
01:34:48.283 --> 01:34:49.383
l can tell

2005
01:34:49.384 --> 01:34:50.484
lt's so nice

2006
01:34:50.485 --> 01:34:51.785
You wanna boogie

2007
01:34:51.786 --> 01:34:52.853
lt's so nice

2008
01:34:52.854 --> 01:34:58.091
l can tell
you wanna boogie, baby

2009
01:34:58.092 --> 01:34:59.226
With Montell you wanna boogie

2010
01:34:59.227 --> 01:35:00.217
lt's so nice