WEBVTT FILE

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In New York City, there's a fine
line between law and chaos.

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<i>On that line live
Danson and Highsmith.</i>

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Tell me again
why I decided to get on this roof!

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I think you can chalk that up
to bad life choices.

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Get rid of that asshole.

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- Uh-oh!
- I hate it when you say "uh-oh!"

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Dude, you put a ding in my hood!

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Come on with it, then!

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Whoa, hey!

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That's trouble.

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Did someone call Nine-One-holy-shit?

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That's it. I'm sick of all this running.

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Hang on!

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You have the right to remain silent!

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But I wanna hear you scream!

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Down on the ground!

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Detective! Yeah, yeah! Detective!

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One at a time, all right?

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Yeah, Detectives, Rick Grayson,
<i>New York Observer</i> Online.

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These suspects were caught
with only a quarter pound of marijuana,

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a misdemeanor in some states.

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Do you think this arrest was worth
$12 million in property damages?

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Why don't we let New York City
answer that question?

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The greatest city on Earth, yeah!

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Hi, Sarah Gapone from TMZ print edition.

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Danson, are the rumors about
you and Kim Kardashian true?

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No comment.

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But, yes.

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Danson and Highsmith,
free hot dogs for life!

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No drinks. No drinks.
I can't do it. I can't do it.

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<i>Danson and Highsmith shoot, drive,</i>
<i>and sex with style. They're rock stars.</i>

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<i>Then you got your jokers,</i>
<i>your ball busters, your vets...</i>

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<i>...and the other guys.</i>

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We know, we know. We know.

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All right, all right, all right.
Listen up, listen up!

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We're having a celebration tonight at Butter.

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Brody Jenner's gonna be there. Bai Ling.

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- That little short bitch from <i>Jersey Shore.</i>
- Yeah!

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And most of you are on the list.

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You're the best.

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Guys, I'm gonna say something right now.

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It's about a man who came from Austria
with a dream.

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- Arnold Schwarzenegger!
- Let me finish.

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He became a champion
and then a movie star, all right?

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- Arnold Schwarzenegger!
- God damn it, let me...

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They ruined the story.
They ruined the story.

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Let... What... The point is,

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we couldn't do our job if it weren't
for you guys doing all the paperwork,

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answering the phones, and all that
stupid shit that we don't like to do.

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All the gun fights, all the car chases,

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all the sex we don't wanna have with women,
but we have to,

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all due to what you guys do. Thank you.

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And we'd do it again and again.

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Hey, you shut your face!

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If we wanna hear you talk,

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I will shove my arm up your ass
and work your mouth like a puppet!

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You hear me? You hear me?

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- Cash bar.
- Yeah.

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Peace out, bitches.

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Hey, fellas. All right, bring it in.

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Come on. Bring it in a little bit.

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All right, right there.

63
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Just back up, just like right there.

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All right, just one... Just a...

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There you go, right there. Right there.

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This is their paperwork.
You know they're not gonna do it.

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That's right.
This paperwork is like Bob's wife here.

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It's thick, ugly,
got Danson's fingerprints all over it.

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- No offense, Bob.
- That's all right.

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- Anyway, now who wants it?
- I do!

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All right!
Paper Bitch and Yankee Clipper on the case!

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- Nice work. Thanks, Allen.
- Thank you, Captain.

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"I'll do it! I'll do it!"

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Stop humming that song!

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- I can hum if I want to.
- No, I know you can.

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I'm asking you to stop.

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- Well, if you're asking, then I'll stop.
- Thank you.

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Could you not smile like that?

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Now you're asking me to mask my emotions
because of how it makes you feel.

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That I will not do.

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Seriously, stop humming! Okay?

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This isn't accounting or wherever the hell

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you and your little pocket calculator
were transferred from.

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Forensic accounting, okay.
And it's an important part of the job.

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Yeah, whatever. Stop being so overtly happy
about doing shit work, you moron.

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Hey, guys. Reminder.

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The police union picnic's
coming up this weekend.

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My wife's making her famous
deviled eggs, again. My waistline's furious.

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It's a bad time, Bob!

90
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All right.

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Going to get a slice.

92
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You know what I just did?

93
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I just walked out that door,
saw a couple detectives,

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and I was about to start bad mouthing you
behind your back,

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but I stopped myself,
because my pops taught me

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that a man who talks
behind somebody's back is a coward.

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Wow, I actually appreciate that.

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Good, 'cause I'm gonna tell you
directly to your face.

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- No. You don't have to.
- No, I don't like you.

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I think you're a fake cop.

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The sound of your piss hitting the urinal?
It sounds feminine.

102
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If we were in the wild, I would attack you.

103
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Even if you weren't in my food chain,
I would go out of my way to attack you.

104
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If I were a lion, and you were a tuna,

105
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I would swim out in the middle of the ocean
and freaking eat you!

106
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And then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.

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Okay, first off,
a lion swimming in the ocean?

108
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Lions don't like water.

109
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If you'd placed it near a river or some sort
of fresh water source, that'd make sense.

110
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But you find yourself in the ocean,
20-foot waves,

111
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I'm assuming
it's off the coast of South Africa,

112
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coming up against a full-grown,
800-pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends?

113
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You lose that battle.

114
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You lose that battle nine times out of ten.
And guess what?

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You've wandered into our school of tuna,
and we now have a taste of lion.

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We've talked to ourselves.
We've communicated.

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- Yeah?
- And said, " You know what?

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"Lion tastes good.
Let's go get some more lion."

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We've developed a system
to establish a beachhead

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and aggressively hunt you and your family.

121
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And we will corner your pride,

122
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- your children, your offspring.
- How you gonna do that?

123
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We will construct a series
of breathing apparatus with kelp.

124
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We will be able to trap
certain amounts of oxygen.

125
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It's not gonna be days at a time,
but an hour, hour 45, no problem.

126
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That will give us enough time
to figure out where you live,

127
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go back to the sea, get more oxygen,
and then stalk you.

128
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You just lost at your own game.
You're outgunned and outmanned.

129
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Did that go
the way you thought it was gonna go?

130
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Nope.

131
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Two minutes before the markets open,

132
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Pamela Boardman, CEO of Lendl Global,
ringing the opening bell.

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<i>With Boardman is investment banker,</i>
<i>David Ershon,</i>

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<i>who manages 40%</i>
<i>of Lendl's $70-billion equity pool.</i>

135
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How much did we lose?

136
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You may ring the bell now, Ms. Boardman.

137
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- $32.
- Million?

138
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No, billion.

139
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Shit!

140
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Chinatown. Three Triad gang members.
I popped two of them off the draw.

141
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- Bang, bang.
- Yeah.

142
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Then I raise up to take the leader out.

143
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Shit, I feel like I'm there now.

144
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I hear a whistle. My partner's on the roof.

145
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He says, "Let's even the odds!"

146
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He tosses me down a Mossberg pump.
I send one through his chest.

147
00:10:01.033 --> 00:10:02.557
Game over, bitches.

148
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- All right.
- Yeah.

149
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Jimmy? Let's talk about
how that story made you feel.

150
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Like my cock was made out of concrete.

151
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I know it's very tempting.

152
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You want to impress your friends.

153
00:10:19.585 --> 00:10:22.076
But this is serious stuff
we're dealing with, okay?

154
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This is firing your weapon
in the line of duty.

155
00:10:25.691 --> 00:10:26.749
Officer Hoitz?

156
00:10:27.393 --> 00:10:28.724
Oh, man.

157
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- Come on!
- Here we go.

158
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Would you like to share?

159
00:10:31.530 --> 00:10:32.656
No, I'd rather not.

160
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Officer Hoitz, you've been coming here
for six months now,

161
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and you haven't said a word.

162
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This is a safe room, no judgment here.

163
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Jerkoff.

164
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That's judgment, Jimmy. Come on.

165
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I relive it every night.

166
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<i>Bronx, October.</i>

167
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<i>Game 7 of the World Series.</i>

168
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For all the marbles. High pressure,
unruly crowd, and I pulled tunnel duty.

169
00:10:53.419 --> 00:10:56.252
I mean, I saw a shadowy figure in the tunnel.
I told him to stop.

170
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, this is a restricted area!

171
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<i>Finally pulled my gun.</i>

172
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Pulled a deadly weapon.
He started running at me.

173
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Don't make me shoot! I'll do it!

174
00:11:04.263 --> 00:11:06.128
Are you deaf? You hear me yell, "Freeze"?

175
00:11:06.232 --> 00:11:09.360
You dick! I'm Derek Jeter! You shot me!

176
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- You cost me 20 grand on that game!
- Douche bag.

177
00:11:12.271 --> 00:11:13.738
Cost the city a championship.

178
00:11:13.806 --> 00:11:16.138
I was being groomed
for a top position in homicide.

179
00:11:16.375 --> 00:11:19.105
Now I'm stuck with a desk jockey partner.
Everybody calls me the Yankee Clipper.

180
00:11:19.211 --> 00:11:20.872
Because you shot Derek Jeter!

181
00:11:20.946 --> 00:11:22.243
He's a biracial angel.

182
00:11:22.314 --> 00:11:23.975
You should've shot A-Rod.

183
00:11:31.590 --> 00:11:32.955
Yo, Paper Bitch.

184
00:11:33.325 --> 00:11:34.986
- What's up, man?
- Hey. Hey, guys.

185
00:11:35.094 --> 00:11:36.789
- Paper Bitch.
- Paper Bitch.

186
00:11:36.896 --> 00:11:37.954
I don't like that, actually.

187
00:11:38.064 --> 00:11:39.827
I know you guys think it's fun,
but I don't like that name.

188
00:11:39.932 --> 00:11:41.490
Still working on
the Danson and Highsmith paperwork?

189
00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:43.659
- Shit.
- No, actually, actually, that's...

190
00:11:43.769 --> 00:11:45.134
What is this? That looks stupid.

191
00:11:45.237 --> 00:11:48.832
Guys, it's illegal permitting for construction.
Specifically, scaffolding.

192
00:11:48.941 --> 00:11:50.465
Some of the guys were talking.

193
00:11:50.776 --> 00:11:53.336
They were like, "How come you've never
fired your weapon in the office before?"

194
00:11:53.412 --> 00:11:54.140
Good point.

195
00:11:54.880 --> 00:11:56.211
I'm sorry, I don't follow.

196
00:11:56.315 --> 00:11:57.748
You've never fired your weapon
in the office.

197
00:11:57.850 --> 00:11:59.977
We all have, you know.
It's called a desk pop.

198
00:12:00.052 --> 00:12:02.748
Fellas, look, I know
you don't respect me as a police officer.

199
00:12:02.855 --> 00:12:03.981
- Not true.
- I'm not stupid.

200
00:12:04.056 --> 00:12:06.524
I'm not gonna discharge my firearm
in the office.

201
00:12:06.592 --> 00:12:08.184
Gamble, listen to me.
I'll try to make it real clear.

202
00:12:08.260 --> 00:12:12.424
We honor the flag, and you crap on it
when you don't shoot your gun in the office.

203
00:12:12.531 --> 00:12:14.590
Jimmy.
When's the last time you had a desk pop?

204
00:12:14.700 --> 00:12:16.327
September '08.

205
00:12:17.036 --> 00:12:18.765
- Be a man. Do it.
- Now.

206
00:12:18.871 --> 00:12:20.532
- Please, please, do it.
- Pop one off!

207
00:12:20.606 --> 00:12:22.699
- There you go. Pop it off!
- Don't think, just go!

208
00:12:22.775 --> 00:12:24.333
- Here we go.
- Do it, yes.

209
00:12:25.911 --> 00:12:27.003
He did it!

210
00:12:27.113 --> 00:12:28.944
Hey! Shots fired!

211
00:12:29.048 --> 00:12:32.176
Hey, Terry, I did it! I did my first desk pop!

212
00:12:32.685 --> 00:12:34.243
It's a real thing, right?

213
00:12:34.353 --> 00:12:35.843
- A desk pop?
- Yeah.

214
00:12:35.921 --> 00:12:37.047
No, that's not real!

215
00:12:37.123 --> 00:12:41.082
They were so convincing in their argument,
they swung me.

216
00:12:44.096 --> 00:12:45.927
All right, Allen,
you're gonna have to hand over your gun.

217
00:12:46.031 --> 00:12:47.123
Yes, sir.

218
00:12:47.233 --> 00:12:51.226
Captain, you really wanna disarm this guy,
take out the batteries in the calculator.

219
00:12:51.303 --> 00:12:54.704
All right, I'm gonna give you this.
This is a dummy gun. I use it for ceremony.

220
00:12:54.774 --> 00:12:55.934
There.

221
00:12:57.276 --> 00:13:00.871
You get this back
when I feel you know how to handle it.

222
00:13:01.480 --> 00:13:05.143
Listen, guys.
I'm working two jobs. I'm working here.

223
00:13:05.251 --> 00:13:08.414
And I got another job
at Bed Bath and Beyond. Okay?

224
00:13:08.487 --> 00:13:11.115
I'm doing that just to put a kid through NYU

225
00:13:11.190 --> 00:13:14.956
so he can explore his bisexuality
and become a deejay.

226
00:13:15.027 --> 00:13:18.485
Now the last thing I need
is a ballistics report in the unit.

227
00:13:18.597 --> 00:13:20.963
I'm just gonna ask you guys,
please, come on, really.

228
00:13:21.033 --> 00:13:22.796
Just think about... Just be smart.

229
00:13:52.331 --> 00:13:53.798
<i>211 in progress.</i>

230
00:13:53.866 --> 00:13:56.960
<i>They're using a wrecking ball</i>
<i>to clean out Castien Jewelry.</i>

231
00:13:57.036 --> 00:13:58.469
All right, we got it.

232
00:13:58.537 --> 00:14:00.869
- Good luck, guys. Have a good one.
- Allen, let's go.

233
00:14:00.973 --> 00:14:03.840
- No, I got work to do.
- What? This is work!

234
00:14:03.909 --> 00:14:07.504
Hey, yo! Danson and Highsmith.
We roll in heavy.

235
00:14:07.580 --> 00:14:08.911
You cream puffs, sit tight.

236
00:14:09.014 --> 00:14:10.345
You gotta be shitting me!

237
00:14:10.850 --> 00:14:13.512
You can't keep me cooped up in here, okay?

238
00:14:13.586 --> 00:14:16.680
I am a peacock! You gotta let me fly!

239
00:14:22.862 --> 00:14:25.057
Did he just...
Did he just call himself a peacock?

240
00:14:28.601 --> 00:14:29.829
Let's go! Let's go!

241
00:14:32.872 --> 00:14:33.930
Come on, fellas!

242
00:14:34.173 --> 00:14:36.573
Wednesday night is taco night
at Rikers Island!

243
00:14:50.422 --> 00:14:52.049
That's the second one this week!

244
00:14:53.392 --> 00:14:55.417
Hey, you monkeys! Stop!

245
00:14:56.095 --> 00:14:57.221
Let's go!

246
00:14:58.063 --> 00:14:59.121
Yeah!

247
00:14:59.698 --> 00:15:00.892
Heads up!

248
00:15:01.233 --> 00:15:02.359
Shit.

249
00:15:16.448 --> 00:15:17.540
Special Forces zipline.

250
00:15:18.150 --> 00:15:19.913
Cut that line! Cut it! Let's go!

251
00:15:21.153 --> 00:15:23.417
- These guys are pros.
- Let's go!

252
00:15:23.489 --> 00:15:24.888
You thinking what I'm thinking, partner?

253
00:15:25.491 --> 00:15:26.583
Aim for the bushes.

254
00:15:54.186 --> 00:15:57.849
<i>Cops still argue to this day</i>
<i>why Danson and Highsmith jumped.</i>

255
00:15:57.957 --> 00:16:01.916
<i>Maybe it was just pride, having survived</i>
<i>so many brushes with death.</i>

256
00:16:01.994 --> 00:16:04.155
<i>Maybe their egos pushed them off.</i>

257
00:16:04.263 --> 00:16:06.959
<i>I don't know. But that shit was crazy.</i>

258
00:16:07.032 --> 00:16:11.765
<i>Either way, there was a hole</i>
<i>in New York City, and it needed to be filled.</i>

259
00:16:11.837 --> 00:16:14.135
<i>Two days ago, this city wept.</i>

260
00:16:14.206 --> 00:16:18.165
<i>We lost two heroes</i>
<i>who gave everything for us,</i>

261
00:16:18.277 --> 00:16:23.180
<i>who paid that ultimate sacrifice</i>
<i>so that we may walk these streets safely.</i>

262
00:16:24.116 --> 00:16:25.674
There wasn't even an awning
in their direction.

263
00:16:25.784 --> 00:16:27.945
- No, I know.
- They just jumped 20 stories.

264
00:16:28.020 --> 00:16:29.351
Doesn't make sense, does it?

265
00:16:29.455 --> 00:16:33.323
<i>I only hope God lets them take their.357s</i>
<i>with them to heaven.</i>

266
00:16:33.392 --> 00:16:36.725
It's our moment, Allen.
Our moment to step up and be the guys.

267
00:16:37.229 --> 00:16:39.891
- We're at a funeral. Show some respect.
- What?

268
00:16:40.199 --> 00:16:43.225
You don't think every other detective here
isn't thinking the same thing?

269
00:16:46.038 --> 00:16:48.131
Allen, listen to me.
Danson and Highsmith are gone.

270
00:16:48.207 --> 00:16:51.199
Their desks are empty.
Someone has to fill those seats.

271
00:16:51.310 --> 00:16:54.837
That someone is us, okay?
The city's dying for a hero.

272
00:16:55.180 --> 00:16:56.670
- Is it?
- Yeah.

273
00:16:56.749 --> 00:17:00.378
What about nine million
socially-conscious and unified citizens,

274
00:17:00.486 --> 00:17:02.215
all just stepping up and doing their part?

275
00:17:02.321 --> 00:17:04.551
As a little kid, didn't you dress up
and play cops and robbers?

276
00:17:04.656 --> 00:17:06.817
I'll tell you what I did as a little kid.

277
00:17:06.892 --> 00:17:09.224
I went to school and made my bed.

278
00:17:09.328 --> 00:17:11.922
And at age 11, I audited my parents.

279
00:17:12.031 --> 00:17:15.330
And believe me, there were some
discrepancies, and I was grounded.

280
00:17:15.401 --> 00:17:17.266
What the hell are you?

281
00:17:17.369 --> 00:17:20.338
Well, well, well. What do we got here?

282
00:17:20.406 --> 00:17:24.502
Look at these two jamokes, would you?
One shot Jeter and the other shot an office.

283
00:17:27.780 --> 00:17:30.510
Have some decorum. We're at a funeral.

284
00:17:30.582 --> 00:17:32.777
You wanna dance, brolio?

285
00:17:32.885 --> 00:17:37.117
I will rock your body with big, nasty hooks.
You'll be pissing blood out of your ass.

286
00:17:37.222 --> 00:17:38.280
That's horrible.

287
00:17:38.390 --> 00:17:39.550
Why don't you step back, man?

288
00:17:39.625 --> 00:17:41.092
You touch him, I swear to God

289
00:17:41.193 --> 00:17:43.024
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you
with Allen's head.

290
00:17:43.095 --> 00:17:45.620
He's not gonna do that. That's hyperbole.
But that's a weird example.

291
00:17:45.731 --> 00:17:47.528
- You wanna go?
- I wanna go!

292
00:17:48.934 --> 00:17:50.299
- Get him off.
- Kick his ass, Martin.

293
00:17:50.936 --> 00:17:52.130
Yeah. How do you like that?

294
00:17:53.539 --> 00:17:55.063
- Pull his hair!
- I love it.

295
00:17:55.274 --> 00:17:56.935
This hurts so good.

296
00:17:57.876 --> 00:18:00.037
- Very sorry for your loss, ma'am.
- What a lovely hat.

297
00:18:00.112 --> 00:18:01.670
I love your shoes.

298
00:18:02.247 --> 00:18:03.771
- It's fine, it's fine.
- Go, go.

299
00:18:04.416 --> 00:18:05.542
Punish him!

300
00:18:06.118 --> 00:18:07.642
Oh, man.

301
00:18:08.320 --> 00:18:10.288
Do it. That's how we do it in the hood.

302
00:18:10.389 --> 00:18:11.583
- Punish him.
- That's not even a move.

303
00:18:12.825 --> 00:18:15.123
I'm the winner.
I'm the winner, everybody saw it.

304
00:18:15.227 --> 00:18:17.195
What the hell is going on here?

305
00:18:17.763 --> 00:18:19.321
Two good men are dead,

306
00:18:19.398 --> 00:18:22.492
and you guys are fighting over
who's gonna be the next hotshot?

307
00:18:22.568 --> 00:18:23.694
Is that what's happening?

308
00:18:23.802 --> 00:18:25.326
Yes, that's exactly what's happening.

309
00:18:26.572 --> 00:18:28.062
Let me tell you something.

310
00:18:28.740 --> 00:18:30.071
- Sorry for your loss, Lorraine.
- Very sorry.

311
00:18:30.576 --> 00:18:32.476
- Sorry, Lorraine.
- Sorry, Lorraine.

312
00:18:33.011 --> 00:18:34.308
Hi, I'm Jimmy.

313
00:18:35.514 --> 00:18:37.175
- Too soon?
- Why'd you say that?

314
00:18:37.749 --> 00:18:39.341
I'll tell you something about those guys.

315
00:18:40.385 --> 00:18:44.014
They knew that to become a good cop,
you had to solve cases. Okay?

316
00:18:44.823 --> 00:18:48.088
Okay, and maybe you start
with the Castien robbery.

317
00:18:48.527 --> 00:18:50.757
Okay? So just watch it.

318
00:18:51.997 --> 00:18:53.931
Next time, me, you, library.

319
00:18:54.032 --> 00:18:56.159
- Not even close.
- Come on, guys. Guys, come on.

320
00:18:56.902 --> 00:18:58.836
- You are...
- I'm the winner!

321
00:18:58.904 --> 00:19:02.169
I didn't need you to stick up for me, okay?
I could've handled that myself.

322
00:19:02.241 --> 00:19:05.938
Hey, don't flatter yourself.
It's the partner's code. I had no choice.

323
00:19:06.044 --> 00:19:07.272
Move.

324
00:19:16.288 --> 00:19:19.451
- 9:15, let's have a great day, everybody!
- Cut the shit!

325
00:19:26.465 --> 00:19:27.659
Good morning.

326
00:19:28.534 --> 00:19:31.833
<i>We've got shots fired. 509 East 10th Street.</i>

327
00:19:31.904 --> 00:19:33.838
<i>There are large amounts of cocaine</i>
<i>on the scene.</i>

328
00:19:33.906 --> 00:19:35.032
<i>Try to stay out of trouble, boys.</i>

329
00:19:35.140 --> 00:19:36.801
There's no chance
you'd wanna go on that call, right?

330
00:19:36.875 --> 00:19:38.706
No chance. Too busy.

331
00:19:38.977 --> 00:19:43.346
All right, ladies. Starting to get the picture?
We're about to lock shit down.

332
00:19:43.415 --> 00:19:45.406
- That's right.
- You girls stay here and get your type on.

333
00:19:45.517 --> 00:19:47.417
Go get them, guys.
Lot of energy, lot of focus.

334
00:19:47.553 --> 00:19:48.645
Shut up!

335
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:50.984
Allen, could I see you in the hallway
for a second?

336
00:19:51.056 --> 00:19:52.523
I... I'm super busy right now, Terry.

337
00:19:52.591 --> 00:19:54.491
No, no, no, I know. This'll be real quick.

338
00:19:54.560 --> 00:19:56.425
It's about the construction permits
you were talking about.

339
00:19:56.528 --> 00:19:58.519
- The scaffolding violations?
- This is our thing, yeah.

340
00:20:00.165 --> 00:20:01.723
So, what do you got?

341
00:20:01.833 --> 00:20:04.324
I got this! I'll put one right in your neck.

342
00:20:04.403 --> 00:20:05.495
What are you doing?

343
00:20:05.571 --> 00:20:08.267
Let's go. We're going to that call.

344
00:20:08.373 --> 00:20:09.931
- What is this?
- Shut up.

345
00:20:10.042 --> 00:20:12.374
We're going to the car,
and we're going after this case.

346
00:20:12.444 --> 00:20:13.877
- You're not gonna shoot me.
- I won't?

347
00:20:13.946 --> 00:20:15.413
- No.
- I shot Jeter.

348
00:20:15.514 --> 00:20:17.675
- That was an accident.
- Was it?

349
00:20:17.749 --> 00:20:19.273
- Now move.
- Okay.

350
00:20:20.018 --> 00:20:21.349
Hey.

351
00:20:21.420 --> 00:20:24.617
Does anybody see this?
He's got a gun on me.

352
00:20:24.723 --> 00:20:26.520
I'm being kidnapped.

353
00:20:26.592 --> 00:20:29.686
Really, we're in a police station
and no one is interested in this?

354
00:20:29.895 --> 00:20:32.295
- So, then what happened?
- What do you think happened?

355
00:20:32.397 --> 00:20:35.764
I woke up, I took the belt off my neck,
and I got in my car, and I got out of there.

356
00:20:35.867 --> 00:20:37.391
Talk about a wild weekend, right?

357
00:20:37.469 --> 00:20:40.768
I thought I was gonna
have to shoot my way out.

358
00:20:40.872 --> 00:20:43.033
What are you gonna do, though, you know?
Bar mitzvahs.

359
00:20:45.410 --> 00:20:47.275
What the hell is this?

360
00:20:47.379 --> 00:20:50.075
It's my car. It's a Prius.

361
00:20:50.148 --> 00:20:53.811
I feel like we're literally driving around
in a vagina.

362
00:20:53.919 --> 00:20:56.752
Detective Hoitz and Gamble
are on that 518 on East 10th.

363
00:20:56.822 --> 00:20:58.915
Negatory, Martin and Fosse,
two minutes out.

364
00:20:58.991 --> 00:21:00.720
We'll just see who's there first.

365
00:21:00.792 --> 00:21:03.488
You stay out of our crime scene!
You hear me?

366
00:21:03.662 --> 00:21:05.220
Go, go, go!

367
00:21:05.631 --> 00:21:08.327
You feel that, Allen?
That tingling in your balls?

368
00:21:08.433 --> 00:21:10.298
Big metal butterflies fluttering around
in your stomach?

369
00:21:10.402 --> 00:21:11.994
Are you sure
you don't have testicular cancer?

370
00:21:12.104 --> 00:21:14.129
I got something to get you going.

371
00:21:16.975 --> 00:21:19.136
Let's go do some damage!

372
00:21:20.579 --> 00:21:21.807
Nope.

373
00:21:24.149 --> 00:21:25.309
What the hell is that?

374
00:21:25.651 --> 00:21:27.778
LRB. Little River Band.

375
00:21:28.120 --> 00:21:30.452
This music makes me feel like
I'm going shopping for a training bra.

376
00:21:30.789 --> 00:21:33.257
You know what?
We go with no music, okay?

377
00:21:33.325 --> 00:21:34.451
- Fine.
- Say bye.

378
00:21:34.526 --> 00:21:35.652
No, no, no, don't say bye...

379
00:21:35.761 --> 00:21:37.456
You just signed
your own death warrant, Hoitz!

380
00:21:37.529 --> 00:21:40.760
Allen, punch that accelerator
or I will shoot you in the foot!

381
00:21:40.832 --> 00:21:42.265
America!

382
00:21:42.601 --> 00:21:44.865
Allen! Allen, hit the brake!

383
00:21:45.871 --> 00:21:48.635
Seriously, slow the car down!
We're approaching the crime scene!

384
00:21:48.707 --> 00:21:49.799
Terry, I'm coming in.

385
00:21:49.875 --> 00:21:51.706
You're gonna smash
right through the tape! Allen!

386
00:21:52.044 --> 00:21:53.477
Dude! What...

387
00:21:58.684 --> 00:22:00.811
That's a lot of cocaine.

388
00:22:01.787 --> 00:22:04.779
Did you yell "America"
when you hit the accelerator?

389
00:22:04.856 --> 00:22:06.653
Nope. No. No.

390
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:09.691
I've never actually put my foot
all the way down

391
00:22:10.495 --> 00:22:13.692
to the ground with the accelerator like that.

392
00:22:14.866 --> 00:22:17.164
It got me slightly aroused.

393
00:22:19.705 --> 00:22:21.297
Here we go.

394
00:22:23.375 --> 00:22:26.833
Way to put your stamp
on the crime scene, guys.

395
00:22:26.912 --> 00:22:29.346
- Prius, huh?
- Yep, yep.

396
00:22:29.414 --> 00:22:30.676
Good mileage?

397
00:22:30.749 --> 00:22:32.148
- Outstanding.
- Yeah.

398
00:22:32.217 --> 00:22:34.811
Did this come with a dental dam?

399
00:22:35.520 --> 00:22:37.420
- No.
- Get it?

400
00:22:38.924 --> 00:22:40.892
My Suburban shit one of these last night.

401
00:22:40.992 --> 00:22:42.584
I didn't know they put tampons on wheels.

402
00:22:44.196 --> 00:22:45.356
We've had our fun, huh?

403
00:22:45.430 --> 00:22:48.399
Looks like Scarface sneezed on your car.

404
00:22:49.167 --> 00:22:50.259
All right, everybody!

405
00:22:50.369 --> 00:22:53.395
I'm gonna need you all to back up now.
We're taking over.

406
00:22:53.505 --> 00:22:55.905
"At the crime scene, LOL."

407
00:22:56.007 --> 00:22:57.702
- Good tweet, good tweet.
- Yeah, thanks.

408
00:22:58.076 --> 00:23:01.842
<i>America has always been defined</i>
<i>by its excess.</i>

409
00:23:03.048 --> 00:23:05.516
<i>The Grand Canyon,</i>
<i>professional sports contracts.</i>

410
00:23:05.584 --> 00:23:08.018
<i>Wendy's Baconator, extra bacon.</i>

411
00:23:08.086 --> 00:23:11.954
<i>I myself have 18 Lamborghinis</i>

412
00:23:13.125 --> 00:23:15.059
<i>and a Subaru station wagon.</i>

413
00:23:15.394 --> 00:23:18.261
<i>And it's because of this excess</i>
<i>that I have flourished.</i>

414
00:23:18.363 --> 00:23:21.958
<i>I implore you, please, do not stop profiting.</i>

415
00:23:22.067 --> 00:23:25.764
<i>Live for excess. It's the American way.</i>

416
00:23:32.310 --> 00:23:33.607
Hello.

417
00:23:34.312 --> 00:23:37.475
Mr. Ershon? I believe this call's for you.

418
00:23:40.919 --> 00:23:42.045
Sir David.

419
00:23:42.120 --> 00:23:45.749
David. You're not returning my calls,
so I'd like you to meet Roger Wesley.

420
00:23:45.824 --> 00:23:47.451
- G'day, mate.
- Hey.

421
00:23:47.893 --> 00:23:50.157
Roger and his team are gonna babysit you
because I don't trust you,

422
00:23:50.262 --> 00:23:51.524
because I think you're going to take off.

423
00:23:52.297 --> 00:23:55.095
Pamela, this is ridiculous.
I'm not going anywhere.

424
00:23:55.167 --> 00:23:57.601
David, listen,
the Lendl quarterlies come out on the 26th.

425
00:23:57.669 --> 00:24:00.502
You have until then to give me my money.
I'm not reporting any losses, David.

426
00:24:00.605 --> 00:24:02.436
I have zeroed in on a new investor.

427
00:24:02.507 --> 00:24:05.533
<i>Well, then, you get their money,</i>
<i>make it disappear, and then pay us back.</i>

428
00:24:05.644 --> 00:24:08.943
Yes, yes, I'll tell him
he doesn't need to keep watching me.

429
00:24:09.014 --> 00:24:11.505
- David!
- Okay, sweetheart, bye-bye.

430
00:24:11.616 --> 00:24:15.985
Yeah. She overreacted. She's a woman.
So, you're good to go.

431
00:24:16.455 --> 00:24:17.513
Heard everything, mate.

432
00:24:17.789 --> 00:24:18.881
Ladies and gentlemen,

433
00:24:18.990 --> 00:24:23.484
guess who gave me the secrets
to making my first billion dollars.

434
00:24:25.397 --> 00:24:26.864
That man there.

435
00:24:27.666 --> 00:24:29.657
Go! Go!

436
00:24:29.968 --> 00:24:31.799
- Side!
- Step aside, please.

437
00:24:32.571 --> 00:24:34.334
You don't think I'm a real cop, do you?

438
00:24:34.406 --> 00:24:36.670
No, I don't. I've said that
directly to your face numerous times.

439
00:24:36.741 --> 00:24:37.867
I was really honest about that.

440
00:24:37.976 --> 00:24:40.467
I'm working on a huge case, all right?

441
00:24:40.545 --> 00:24:42.672
Property owner with seven buildings
under construction.

442
00:24:42.747 --> 00:24:45.875
He hasn't applied
for a single scaffolding permit.

443
00:24:45.984 --> 00:24:49.920
Now, according to Ask Jeeves, this perp
is at the Plaza Hotel speaking right now.

444
00:24:50.021 --> 00:24:53.718
- That's your big case? Scaffolding permits?
- Yeah.

445
00:24:54.359 --> 00:24:57.055
Guess what? You're coming with me.

446
00:24:57.829 --> 00:24:59.729
It's a wooden gun.

447
00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.065
That hurts, man!

448
00:25:06.338 --> 00:25:10.206
I've always got Little River Band
loaded up here. I've got six disks in here.

449
00:25:11.042 --> 00:25:14.205
Claude, meet me outside,
at the back of the service entrance.

450
00:25:14.279 --> 00:25:16.747
I'm flying Air Singapore.

451
00:25:16.848 --> 00:25:18.543
- Hey, Douglas. How's the wife?
- She died.

452
00:25:18.617 --> 00:25:19.709
Attaboy!

453
00:25:19.784 --> 00:25:21.752
I'll be there in two minutes exactly.

454
00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:25.515
Another thing I hate about you?
You always pay in exact change.

455
00:25:25.590 --> 00:25:27.888
You're just mad
because I have a nice change purse.

456
00:25:27.959 --> 00:25:29.085
Why do you even care?

457
00:25:29.194 --> 00:25:32.129
How can I help it? You know what?
You know what's worse?

458
00:25:32.230 --> 00:25:34.255
The way you fart.
Even your farts, they're not manly.

459
00:25:34.366 --> 00:25:35.458
You're being ridiculous.

460
00:25:35.567 --> 00:25:38.127
They sound like a baby blowing out
the candles on a birthday cake.

461
00:25:38.236 --> 00:25:39.533
- What?
- Like a little...

462
00:25:39.604 --> 00:25:41.469
- You know what bugs me about you?
- What?

463
00:25:41.573 --> 00:25:42.904
I'm pretty sure you've never voted.

464
00:25:42.974 --> 00:25:46.307
No, I vote. Sports radio, <i>AM 880.</i>
Play of the week.

465
00:25:46.411 --> 00:25:48.743
You're like a child in a leather jacket.
That's what you're like.

466
00:25:48.813 --> 00:25:49.905
Get out of the way, man!

467
00:25:49.981 --> 00:25:51.881
Wait. Are you David Ershon?

468
00:25:52.450 --> 00:25:55.248
Yeah, well, it's Sir David Ershon,
but I don't bother with the...

469
00:25:55.320 --> 00:25:58.585
Anyway, little bit of a rush, gentlemen,
if you don't mind. Thank you.

470
00:25:58.657 --> 00:26:01.922
- Excuse me, but you're under arrest, okay?
- What?

471
00:26:01.993 --> 00:26:06.930
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you do or say can be used...

472
00:26:06.998 --> 00:26:09.125
- What's the next part?
- As a floatation device.

473
00:26:09.234 --> 00:26:10.724
As a floatation device.

474
00:26:10.802 --> 00:26:14.329
You know what? That's very funny.
I have never Miranda-ed anyone before.

475
00:26:14.439 --> 00:26:16.236
- Really?
- Are you guys for real?

476
00:26:16.308 --> 00:26:17.400
Am I being punk'd?

477
00:26:18.543 --> 00:26:19.840
Detective Allen Gamble.

478
00:26:19.911 --> 00:26:22.846
We are in a cocaine-covered car,
and we are bringing in a perp.

479
00:26:22.948 --> 00:26:25.746
- One David Ershon.
- 175 pounds.

480
00:26:25.817 --> 00:26:27.842
- Thank you. 175 pounds.
- Shut up, man, shut up!

481
00:26:28.086 --> 00:26:31.852
Martin and Fosse are probably on <i>Studio B</i>
talking to Shepard Smith right now.

482
00:26:31.957 --> 00:26:34.790
We arrest this jerkoff
for a scaffolding permit?

483
00:26:34.859 --> 00:26:37.089
Wait, wait, wait,
what am I being arrested for?

484
00:26:37.162 --> 00:26:39.027
For scaffolding permit violation...

485
00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:49.939
- I got my insurance card. Somewhere.
- Easy, mate.

486
00:26:50.008 --> 00:26:52.374
- What the hell? You ran right into us!
- Stand over there.

487
00:26:52.944 --> 00:26:54.002
Wood?

488
00:26:54.546 --> 00:26:55.672
What the...

489
00:26:55.780 --> 00:26:57.543
- Couldn't see the car. It's big enough, mate.
- What?

490
00:26:57.649 --> 00:26:59.276
Do not let these men take me.

491
00:27:01.052 --> 00:27:02.144
Hi.

492
00:27:03.288 --> 00:27:04.778
Why's she looking at you like that?

493
00:27:04.856 --> 00:27:06.346
That's my car!

494
00:27:06.458 --> 00:27:10.189
Hey, hey, hey!
We didn't exchange insurance information!

495
00:27:10.562 --> 00:27:12.120
Hey! Excuse me!

496
00:27:12.998 --> 00:27:15.398
Why did they take our shoes?

497
00:27:15.500 --> 00:27:18.901
- What the hell just happened?
- Where's my iPhone?

498
00:27:20.071 --> 00:27:22.198
I think we've walked 30 blocks, man.

499
00:27:22.307 --> 00:27:27.335
I don't get why we can't just call the office
and have a squad car come pick us up.

500
00:27:27.412 --> 00:27:29.903
No. They took our shoes,
our guns, and our car.

501
00:27:30.015 --> 00:27:31.642
There's no way that's going out on the radio.

502
00:27:32.017 --> 00:27:35.145
Look, if we're gonna do this together,
there's some issues we need to settle, okay?

503
00:27:35.220 --> 00:27:38.815
I mean, you said I had a weak chin.
You said the way I pee is feminine.

504
00:27:38.890 --> 00:27:40.084
How do you think that makes me feel?

505
00:27:40.191 --> 00:27:45.254
I mean, that list you have,
you put a lot of thought in. It's weird.

506
00:27:45.363 --> 00:27:47.593
I hear you.

507
00:27:47.699 --> 00:27:52.432
Let's clean the slate right now. Fresh start.

508
00:27:52.537 --> 00:27:55.165
All right. Fresh start.

509
00:27:56.875 --> 00:28:00.436
Maybe we should call ourselves
the Febreze Brothers,

510
00:28:00.545 --> 00:28:02.103
'cause it's feeling so fresh right now.

511
00:28:03.682 --> 00:28:04.740
Right?

512
00:28:05.050 --> 00:28:07.917
Let's do another fresh start, 'cause
I just wanted to punch you in the face.

513
00:28:08.119 --> 00:28:10.781
Fine, fresh start.

514
00:28:10.889 --> 00:28:12.686
It's the last one.

515
00:28:12.757 --> 00:28:14.691
I have to be able to express myself
and say things, you know.

516
00:28:17.629 --> 00:28:20.393
- Okay, folks! Everybody, listen up!
- Listen up!

517
00:28:20.465 --> 00:28:22.399
Got a high profile kidnapping.

518
00:28:22.600 --> 00:28:25.933
David Ershon, wealthy banker,
multinational team.

519
00:28:26.037 --> 00:28:28.062
Maybe a sleeper cell, but it's too early to tell.

520
00:28:28.139 --> 00:28:32.576
Hey, Bilbo Baggins. Where are your shoes?
'Cause your feet are black.

521
00:28:32.644 --> 00:28:34.635
Who cares? It's not important, okay?

522
00:28:34.746 --> 00:28:37.271
Hoitz, Gamble, Captain. Not good.

523
00:28:39.217 --> 00:28:40.878
- Bye, guys.
- Bye-bye.

524
00:28:40.952 --> 00:28:42.044
Come on.

525
00:28:42.487 --> 00:28:45.650
Guys, this is Don Beaman,
the attorney for Mr. Ershon.

526
00:28:45.757 --> 00:28:47.884
Roger Wesley, head of his private security.

527
00:28:47.959 --> 00:28:49.893
- Hey, how are you? You son of a bitch!
- Hey, hey, hey!

528
00:28:49.961 --> 00:28:51.724
Hey, Terry! Take it easy!

529
00:28:51.796 --> 00:28:53.764
- That's the guy who took our guns, Captain.
- And my shoes!

530
00:28:53.832 --> 00:28:56.892
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you
identify yourselves as police officers?

531
00:28:56.968 --> 00:28:58.060
What is this?

532
00:28:58.136 --> 00:29:00.468
- Allen, tell me. Did you?
- No, we did not.

533
00:29:00.572 --> 00:29:04.565
Sorry, gentlemen.
We thought you were abducting Mr. Ershon.

534
00:29:05.110 --> 00:29:06.270
It's only protocol.

535
00:29:06.478 --> 00:29:11.108
Mr. Ershon has agreed to correct this
scaffolding situation. The case is closed.

536
00:29:11.182 --> 00:29:13.673
I've taken care of all necessary paperwork.

537
00:29:13.785 --> 00:29:15.878
And you fellas, at this point,
should just be glad that

538
00:29:15.987 --> 00:29:19.479
Mr. Ershon is not pressing charges
for excessive use of force.

539
00:29:19.557 --> 00:29:21.024
- Thank you, Captain.
- You bet.

540
00:29:21.559 --> 00:29:23.151
Australian?

541
00:29:23.228 --> 00:29:24.661
Special Forces, right?

542
00:29:25.029 --> 00:29:27.554
Best watch your step, Detective.

543
00:29:27.665 --> 00:29:30.361
There are three things I love in this world.

544
00:29:30.468 --> 00:29:31.526
Kylie Minogue,

545
00:29:33.138 --> 00:29:35.902
small dimples just above
a woman's buttocks...

546
00:29:36.007 --> 00:29:37.372
Beautiful features.

547
00:29:37.475 --> 00:29:40.205
...and the fear in a man's eye
who knows I'm about to hurt him.

548
00:29:40.311 --> 00:29:44.839
Hey! Shake your dicks.
This pissing contest is over.

549
00:29:44.916 --> 00:29:46.247
Come on, man.

550
00:29:48.820 --> 00:29:51.914
All right, look, they returned your shoes.

551
00:29:52.357 --> 00:29:56.589
And they returned your weapons.
Here you go, Terry.

552
00:29:58.196 --> 00:30:00.892
Allen, someone was nice enough
to put linseed oil on it,

553
00:30:00.999 --> 00:30:03.832
some kind of stain on that,
dark walnut or something.

554
00:30:03.902 --> 00:30:06.496
You might wanna think about
dropping them a thank you note.

555
00:30:06.571 --> 00:30:07.697
Okay.

556
00:30:07.772 --> 00:30:08.898
You're mad at us, huh, Gene?

557
00:30:09.007 --> 00:30:12.704
First off, don't call me Gene.
I'm your captain.

558
00:30:12.777 --> 00:30:15.371
Guys, do you remember
the "Be Smart" speech?

559
00:30:15.446 --> 00:30:16.572
- Sure.
- All right.

560
00:30:16.681 --> 00:30:19.275
Well, what did you do?
What'd you do about it?

561
00:30:19.384 --> 00:30:22.182
The opposite.
We were not smart, Captain Gene.

562
00:30:22.253 --> 00:30:24.221
It's just "Captain."

563
00:30:24.289 --> 00:30:27.349
Just "Captain." It's not "Captain Gene."
I don't have a kiddie show.

564
00:30:27.425 --> 00:30:29.052
That sounds creepy, "Captain Gene."

565
00:30:29.460 --> 00:30:33.521
<i>Police mistakenly arrest</i>
<i>investment banker, David Ershon.</i>

566
00:30:33.598 --> 00:30:36.533
<i>Was he the victim of financial profiling?</i>

567
00:30:36.601 --> 00:30:41.300
Financial profiling? That's crazy.
He broke the law and we arrested him.

568
00:30:41.406 --> 00:30:45.467
That wasn't a security team. He said,
"Don't let these people take me."

569
00:30:45.577 --> 00:30:47.977
I mean, when you hear hooves,
you think horses, not zebras.

570
00:30:49.280 --> 00:30:51.077
What about donkeys or deer?

571
00:30:51.149 --> 00:30:53.117
They have hooves.
What about bovine creatures?

572
00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:57.246
Were you just thinking to yourself,
"Fresh start"?

573
00:30:57.322 --> 00:31:00.291
- Yeah.
- Yeah. I could see it.

574
00:31:00.391 --> 00:31:02.450
Listen, why don't we just
go over to my place?

575
00:31:02.560 --> 00:31:03.891
We'll talk the case down.

576
00:31:03.962 --> 00:31:05.987
We can have a little dinner.
You can meet Sheila.

577
00:31:06.097 --> 00:31:08.793
Two cops talking down a case
while eating food, all right?

578
00:31:08.900 --> 00:31:10.060
- It's not dinner.
- Fine.

579
00:31:10.134 --> 00:31:11.931
And let me apologize in advance, okay,

580
00:31:12.003 --> 00:31:14.403
in case my wife acts like a world-class bitch.

581
00:31:14.472 --> 00:31:19.671
She's a big old broad,
and she likes to wield it.

582
00:31:20.345 --> 00:31:25.681
Okay, so I put together a little bio,
complete with pictures of Mr. David Ershon.

583
00:31:25.783 --> 00:31:29.184
I used Adobe Premiere.
I like to do a little weekend editing.

584
00:31:29.287 --> 00:31:32.848
I recently just cut three minutes
out of <i>Goodfellas.</i>

585
00:31:32.957 --> 00:31:36.188
<i>David Ershon is currently</i>
<i>the CEO of Ershon Consortium.</i>

586
00:31:36.294 --> 00:31:37.352
Who's that talking?

587
00:31:37.462 --> 00:31:39.987
It's the <i>Frontline</i> Narration App.
It's only 99 cents.

588
00:31:40.098 --> 00:31:44.091
<i>Ershon Consortium, current financial</i>
<i>investments exceed $70 billion.</i>

589
00:31:44.168 --> 00:31:47.194
<i>His largest clients include</i>
<i>Schering-Plough and Lendl Global.</i>

590
00:31:47.305 --> 00:31:50.001
Lendl Global has those TV ads
where I can't figure out what they do.

591
00:31:50.108 --> 00:31:53.168
Yeah, oil, media, health care,
you've probably heard their jingle.

592
00:31:53.278 --> 00:31:56.213
<i>Lendl Global, we're in everything</i>

593
00:31:56.314 --> 00:31:59.147
<i>David Ershon is often found</i>
<i>in the company of Judge Scalia...</i>

594
00:31:59.217 --> 00:32:01.549
- Yeah.
<i>...and the lead singer of Maroon 5.</i>

595
00:32:01.653 --> 00:32:03.484
I mean, this guy could be
connected to drug cartels,

596
00:32:03.554 --> 00:32:06.387
black market organ sales,
human trafficking, all of it.

597
00:32:06.491 --> 00:32:08.118
How do you get that
from anything I just said?

598
00:32:08.192 --> 00:32:09.989
Hey, guys! Soup's on.

599
00:32:10.061 --> 00:32:11.460
What do you mean?

600
00:32:13.564 --> 00:32:14.656
Hi.

601
00:32:14.732 --> 00:32:16.324
- Hi.
- You must be Terry.

602
00:32:16.401 --> 00:32:19.632
I'm sorry I've been hiding, honey,
but this dinner was tricky.

603
00:32:21.005 --> 00:32:23.735
- Who are you?
- I'm Dr. Sheila Gamble, his wife.

604
00:32:24.042 --> 00:32:26.670
- Come on, seriously. Who is that?
- His old lady.

605
00:32:26.744 --> 00:32:29.235
- Sweetie, it's a workstation.
- Got it.

606
00:32:29.347 --> 00:32:32.874
And you come in here,
dressed like a hobo, it's distracting.

607
00:32:32.984 --> 00:32:34.918
I know you're working. I'm so sorry.

608
00:32:35.019 --> 00:32:37.010
- Come on, seriously.
- Come on, what?

609
00:32:37.088 --> 00:32:38.316
Who is that?

610
00:32:38.389 --> 00:32:40.414
That's the old...
That's the old ball and chain.

611
00:32:42.760 --> 00:32:44.318
Get over here.

612
00:32:44.395 --> 00:32:46.022
- Not... Not right now.
- Okay.

613
00:32:46.097 --> 00:32:48.088
Look, they're not all first-round picks, okay?

614
00:32:48.499 --> 00:32:49.898
Come on, are you gonna tell me who that is?

615
00:32:50.768 --> 00:32:54.260
- Are you really Allen's wife?
- I know.

616
00:32:54.372 --> 00:32:57.830
People are shocked
because he's Episcopalian and I'm Catholic,

617
00:32:58.509 --> 00:32:59.942
but somehow it works.

618
00:33:00.678 --> 00:33:03.238
- Are you gonna change?
- I already did.

619
00:33:03.448 --> 00:33:05.575
It's no big deal. You look really, really nice.

620
00:33:05.683 --> 00:33:09.744
Terry, you don't have to be polite, okay?
She looks kind of shitty.

621
00:33:09.854 --> 00:33:11.185
Don't speak to her like that, Allen.

622
00:33:11.255 --> 00:33:15.521
Look, if I put that in my <i>Cosmo</i> Fashion App,
you'd probably get a D-.

623
00:33:16.094 --> 00:33:17.891
Allen and his apps. He loves them.

624
00:33:17.962 --> 00:33:21.420
You know he's designed three of his own?
One of them... Can I tell him?

625
00:33:22.066 --> 00:33:23.966
One of them,
you can take a picture of anybody's face,

626
00:33:24.068 --> 00:33:26.866
and it'll tell you
what the back of his head looks like.

627
00:33:27.105 --> 00:33:28.436
- Faceback.
- Faceback.

628
00:33:28.539 --> 00:33:30.564
Got some horrible reviews
coming out of the gate.

629
00:33:30.942 --> 00:33:32.102
- It's gonna hit.
- It's gonna catch.

630
00:33:32.210 --> 00:33:34.235
Why are you with Allen?

631
00:33:34.312 --> 00:33:38.214
I mean, that's not what I meant.
I meant, how did you guys meet?

632
00:33:38.282 --> 00:33:40.750
It's a really typical
"how we met" story, Terry.

633
00:33:41.319 --> 00:33:42.513
You're gonna be bored by it.

634
00:33:42.587 --> 00:33:46.580
I was a dancer for the Knicks while
finishing my residency at Columbia Hospital.

635
00:33:46.691 --> 00:33:48.921
Allen came into the ER
with poison ivy on his rectum.

636
00:33:49.027 --> 00:33:50.085
Yes.

637
00:33:50.194 --> 00:33:52.822
Needless to say, I fell for him immediately.

638
00:33:53.231 --> 00:33:57.463
We immediately spent the next three days
at the La Quinta Inn,

639
00:33:58.202 --> 00:34:00.534
- and, to be honest, we didn't speak.
- Three days

640
00:34:00.605 --> 00:34:03.165
of not communicating once verbally.

641
00:34:03.474 --> 00:34:05.533
We had actually, without knowing it,

642
00:34:05.610 --> 00:34:10.877
developed a language of eye flutters
and non-verbal gestures.

643
00:34:11.115 --> 00:34:13.777
You know, Terry,
it was just this primal connection.

644
00:34:14.218 --> 00:34:19.212
After those three days of non-verbal
communication and a whole lot of loving,

645
00:34:19.457 --> 00:34:22.756
I had to go to a specialist
to get my hips realigned.

646
00:34:23.161 --> 00:34:26.790
Similar to operating on a German shepherd

647
00:34:27.532 --> 00:34:31.093
- when they have hip dysplasia.
- Very painful.

648
00:34:31.436 --> 00:34:35.463
It's funny, it's like a scene from that
one movie, always forget the name of it.

649
00:34:35.573 --> 00:34:36.733
- With Meg Ryan.
- Yes.

650
00:34:36.808 --> 00:34:39.777
I don't remember a movie where Meg Ryan
meets a guy with poison ivy up his ass.

651
00:34:39.877 --> 00:34:42.277
- I'll think of it. I'll think of it.
- Okay.

652
00:34:42.380 --> 00:34:44.075
So, what about you, Terry?
Do you have a girl?

653
00:34:44.148 --> 00:34:46.139
I did, yeah.

654
00:34:46.250 --> 00:34:48.718
We were supposed to get married,
but she backed out. It's complicated.

655
00:34:48.786 --> 00:34:51.254
- Terry shot Derek Jeter.
- Shut up, Allen. This was before.

656
00:34:51.322 --> 00:34:52.584
That's okay.

657
00:34:52.657 --> 00:34:54.625
<i>She's Got Mail.</i>
That's the name of the movie.

658
00:34:54.725 --> 00:34:56.659
That's it! Honey!

659
00:34:56.761 --> 00:34:57.819
- With Tom Hanks?
- Right.

660
00:34:57.929 --> 00:34:58.987
- And Meg Ryan.
- Meg Ryan.

661
00:34:59.097 --> 00:35:00.155
He didn't have poison ivy up his ass.

662
00:35:00.264 --> 00:35:01.561
- Yes, he did.
- Yes, he did. Yeah.

663
00:35:01.632 --> 00:35:02.894
Way up there.

664
00:35:03.401 --> 00:35:05.995
Well, Terry, can't thank you enough
for coming by. What a...

665
00:35:06.104 --> 00:35:07.731
What a wonderful, lovely evening.
Thank you.

666
00:35:07.805 --> 00:35:11.434
- It was so, so nice meeting you, Terry.
- It was my pleasure. Thank you.

667
00:35:11.509 --> 00:35:16.003
And remember, all I ask of you is,
you don't let him get hurt, Terry.

668
00:35:16.114 --> 00:35:18.480
- She tells me that every day before I leave.
- Yep, I do.

669
00:35:18.816 --> 00:35:21.649
I come downstairs and I make him
his fresh-cut strawberries,

670
00:35:21.752 --> 00:35:24.516
and I say, " Listen, my little sugar balls,
whatever you do today,

671
00:35:24.622 --> 00:35:25.919
"you just don't get hurt."

672
00:35:25.990 --> 00:35:27.321
Yeah. Every morning.

673
00:35:27.758 --> 00:35:31.250
And then I show him my breasts,
and I say, " These are waiting for you

674
00:35:31.329 --> 00:35:32.455
- "when you get back home."
- Right.

675
00:35:32.530 --> 00:35:35.431
You know, Terry, they're not
the biggest breasts he's ever seen,

676
00:35:35.500 --> 00:35:37.934
- but, man, are they perky.
- Not by a long shot.

677
00:35:38.002 --> 00:35:40.664
- And they are firm, and they are yours.
- You're a nice lady.

678
00:35:42.473 --> 00:35:43.667
Thank you for coming.

679
00:35:44.041 --> 00:35:48.000
<i>Detectives Hoitz and Gamble?</i>
<i>Detectives Hoitz and Gamble? Over.</i>

680
00:35:48.112 --> 00:35:49.170
Go for Hoitz.

681
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:50.804
<i>- We found your red Prius.</i>
- Great.

682
00:35:50.882 --> 00:35:52.975
<i>It was trying to vote for Ralph Nader.</i>

683
00:35:53.050 --> 00:35:55.280
- Come on.
- Okay, sugar balls, listen up.

684
00:35:55.353 --> 00:35:56.650
There's gonna be fingerprints on that car.

685
00:35:56.721 --> 00:35:59.053
Tomorrow, we're gonna run those
fingerprints through the system.

686
00:35:59.157 --> 00:36:02.820
And if we get a hit, this case is gonna
heat up faster than a junkie's spoon.

687
00:36:02.894 --> 00:36:05.226
You do one thing
when you wake up tomorrow, bring it.

688
00:36:05.329 --> 00:36:06.387
- Okay.
- Thank you, Sheila.

689
00:36:06.497 --> 00:36:07.555
He'll bring it.

690
00:36:07.665 --> 00:36:09.292
- Good night!
- Good night.

691
00:36:09.367 --> 00:36:10.698
Thank you, Sheila.

692
00:36:11.035 --> 00:36:14.061
- Bye, Terry!
- Bye, Sheila! I'll never forget tonight.

693
00:36:14.172 --> 00:36:15.969
- Bye, Terry!
- All right, Allen, whatever. Go inside.

694
00:36:16.040 --> 00:36:17.132
Bye, Sheila!

695
00:36:17.208 --> 00:36:18.698
- Night!
- See you... See you, Terry!

696
00:36:19.177 --> 00:36:20.667
Bye, Sheila.

697
00:36:24.649 --> 00:36:27.243
I don't know if he heard me. Bye, Terry!

698
00:36:27.351 --> 00:36:28.909
Bye, Sheila!

699
00:36:32.356 --> 00:36:36.759
Well, here she is. They left her
under an overpass for the night.

700
00:36:36.861 --> 00:36:38.522
You find anything?

701
00:36:38.596 --> 00:36:41.360
Yeah. We found a lot of stuff.

702
00:36:41.432 --> 00:36:43.400
From bodily fluid and hair samples,

703
00:36:43.501 --> 00:36:46.527
we determined that a bunch of old,
homeless dudes had an orgy in the car.

704
00:36:46.604 --> 00:36:48.868
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.

705
00:36:48.940 --> 00:36:50.771
You know what that's called
when they do that in there?

706
00:36:50.875 --> 00:36:52.342
That's called a soup kitchen.

707
00:36:52.410 --> 00:36:54.002
It's pretty rough stuff.

708
00:36:54.078 --> 00:36:57.570
Not long after that,
a mama raccoon came along

709
00:36:57.682 --> 00:36:59.081
and gave birth on the floor.

710
00:36:59.917 --> 00:37:01.509
Placenta blew out
all over the back window there.

711
00:37:02.653 --> 00:37:05.281
Yeah, and then to top it all off,
some joker comes along

712
00:37:05.556 --> 00:37:08.650
takes himself a nifty little dump
in the driver's seat.

713
00:37:08.993 --> 00:37:10.722
I think he knew you guys were cops,

714
00:37:11.128 --> 00:37:13.596
because this is what I would call
a spite shit.

715
00:37:14.065 --> 00:37:15.498
You were able to determine all of that

716
00:37:15.566 --> 00:37:17.397
- from the hair and fluid samples?
- Oh, yeah.

717
00:37:17.802 --> 00:37:19.667
What about fingerprints?
You find any fingerprints?

718
00:37:19.737 --> 00:37:21.762
- Nope, couldn't get a one.
- Found a cell phone.

719
00:37:22.240 --> 00:37:23.434
Yeah, that's mine.

720
00:37:23.574 --> 00:37:25.007
Any signs of a struggle or spent shells?

721
00:37:25.610 --> 00:37:29.808
No. Believe me, everybody that was
in on this orgy was more than willing.

722
00:37:29.880 --> 00:37:31.973
In fact, they even left you a note here.

723
00:37:32.049 --> 00:37:35.746
"Thanks for the F-shack.
Love, Dirty Mike and the boys."

724
00:37:35.886 --> 00:37:36.910
Here's something we found.

725
00:37:36.988 --> 00:37:39.582
We found about a dozen
unscratched lottery tickets.

726
00:37:39.757 --> 00:37:42.817
No fingerprints or nothing. Check that out.

727
00:37:42.994 --> 00:37:46.327
Yeah, it's a real shame, you know.
I got myself a Prius. It's a hell of a machine.

728
00:37:47.164 --> 00:37:50.133
It's my first brand-new car.
I've never owned a new car.

729
00:37:50.201 --> 00:37:51.964
Found a deer vagina.

730
00:37:52.837 --> 00:37:55.032
- What?
- Thought it was human lips at first.

731
00:37:55.139 --> 00:37:57.607
Then we took a closer look.
It was definitely a deer vagina.

732
00:37:59.944 --> 00:38:00.808
Not even a free ticket.

733
00:38:02.046 --> 00:38:03.274
What are we gonna do?

734
00:38:03.381 --> 00:38:06.441
We got no fingerprints,
a bunch of losing lottery tickets.

735
00:38:06.684 --> 00:38:09.152
Look at this, there's a two-minute phone call
made after we were jumped.

736
00:38:09.720 --> 00:38:11.688
- They used your phone?
- They ghost dialed.

737
00:38:11.756 --> 00:38:12.916
Someone probably sat on it.

738
00:38:13.024 --> 00:38:15.754
It could have recorded some of their
conversation when Ershon got grabbed.

739
00:38:15.860 --> 00:38:17.191
We gotta hear the other side of that call.

740
00:38:18.362 --> 00:38:19.727
Nope, no, it's nothing.

741
00:38:19.797 --> 00:38:22.061
- Nothing? It's the only lead we have.
- It's nothing. It's nothing.

742
00:38:22.133 --> 00:38:23.532
Why did you just get super jumpy?

743
00:38:24.635 --> 00:38:25.727
What?

744
00:38:25.803 --> 00:38:27.771
It's an ex-girlfriend, okay?

745
00:38:27.872 --> 00:38:29.601
What's the matter?
What happened with you guys?

746
00:38:29.707 --> 00:38:31.538
She was just a bit of a handful, that's it.

747
00:38:36.547 --> 00:38:38.481
Allen, it's the only lead we have.

748
00:38:38.582 --> 00:38:40.914
We either go with this
or we walk away from this case right now.

749
00:38:41.485 --> 00:38:43.385
Fine. Let's go see her.

750
00:38:56.300 --> 00:38:57.562
Hello, Christinith.

751
00:38:57.635 --> 00:38:59.227
Hello, Allen.

752
00:39:01.639 --> 00:39:04.403
- That's my partner, Terry.
- Hi, Telly.

753
00:39:04.842 --> 00:39:08.005
- Holy shit. Dude.
- Just relax, relax.

754
00:39:08.779 --> 00:39:13.182
I waited for you in Tower Records
for four hours.

755
00:39:14.118 --> 00:39:16.086
That was 13 years ago.

756
00:39:19.156 --> 00:39:24.093
Arnold Palmer alert. Arnold Palmer alert.
Who wants some Arnie Palmies?

757
00:39:25.429 --> 00:39:27.021
Sweetie, this one has the vodky, right here.

758
00:39:27.131 --> 00:39:30.294
- Hal, just place it down, please.
- All righty.

759
00:39:31.135 --> 00:39:32.363
Okay.

760
00:39:36.507 --> 00:39:41.638
I did things in bed with you
that I haven't done with anyone since.

761
00:39:41.712 --> 00:39:43.009
No.

762
00:39:43.114 --> 00:39:45.878
- Christinith, your husband, it's awkward.
- Oh, no, he knows all of this.

763
00:39:45.983 --> 00:39:48.474
- You're a lucky dog.
- It's true.

764
00:39:51.522 --> 00:39:53.387
Christine, this is a lovely house.

765
00:39:53.491 --> 00:39:56.517
It's Christinith.
Are you stupid, or are you deaf?

766
00:39:56.727 --> 00:39:59.321
Christinith, you idiot!

767
00:39:59.663 --> 00:40:04.032
You come to our house,
you get my wife's name right!

768
00:40:04.468 --> 00:40:05.833
- What?
- Christinith!

769
00:40:05.903 --> 00:40:08.667
Look, we really appreciate the hospitality.

770
00:40:09.006 --> 00:40:11.167
We'd just love to get the message off
your cell phone.

771
00:40:11.242 --> 00:40:15.201
We believe it might give us information
regarding a kidnapping.

772
00:40:18.015 --> 00:40:21.786
Okay. Why don't you come to the kitchen,
and I will let you listen to it

773
00:40:21.786 --> 00:40:24.311
and everyone else stay here.

774
00:40:24.722 --> 00:40:27.350
- Okay, sweetie.
- Come on.

775
00:40:31.228 --> 00:40:33.594
- There's my phone.
- Great, thank you for...

776
00:40:37.001 --> 00:40:40.437
I hate you, you son of a bitch!

777
00:40:40.504 --> 00:40:43.905
- You're so strong.
- I'm stronger than you will ever know!

778
00:40:43.974 --> 00:40:47.000
I hate you! I hate you!

779
00:40:47.111 --> 00:40:50.603
You're so adorable.
Look at your face. Look at your face.

780
00:40:50.681 --> 00:40:54.617
You go, "I wuv you."
Say it. "I wuv you, Cwistinith."

781
00:41:00.424 --> 00:41:04.861
You probably think because of the beard
that I'm really hairy.

782
00:41:04.962 --> 00:41:06.930
But I'm not.

783
00:41:08.332 --> 00:41:09.799
Shaved.

784
00:41:10.301 --> 00:41:12.030
- Allen!
- He's fine.

785
00:41:13.003 --> 00:41:14.197
Question.

786
00:41:15.239 --> 00:41:16.399
What would you rather be,

787
00:41:17.775 --> 00:41:20.243
a bear or a dog?

788
00:41:20.411 --> 00:41:23.346
- I don't care.
- I wanna be

789
00:41:24.715 --> 00:41:27.275
a bear dog. Half dog, half bear.

790
00:41:27.952 --> 00:41:30.318
'Cause that way, I could live in the house

791
00:41:30.588 --> 00:41:33.557
but I still get to make a doodie
out in the woods.

792
00:41:34.358 --> 00:41:35.586
Allen!

793
00:41:39.864 --> 00:41:41.354
Allen! Allen!

794
00:41:41.432 --> 00:41:44.663
- This is police evidence. Terry! Let's go!
- Hey!

795
00:41:44.735 --> 00:41:47.260
You get back here
and you make love to my wife!

796
00:41:47.371 --> 00:41:48.895
Allen! Allen!

797
00:41:49.740 --> 00:41:53.267
I don't get it, man. I just do not get it.

798
00:41:53.377 --> 00:41:55.607
I mean,
that girl Christinith was seriously hot.

799
00:41:55.713 --> 00:41:57.340
Your wife is crazy hot.

800
00:41:57.414 --> 00:42:00.110
I mean, even that Brazilian security chick,
she threw you a "Do me" vibe.

801
00:42:00.684 --> 00:42:02.151
What is it with you and hot ladies?

802
00:42:02.219 --> 00:42:05.586
First off, my wife is cute, but she's not hot.

803
00:42:05.689 --> 00:42:09.750
Dude, you're insane.
Your wife is scalding hot.

804
00:42:09.860 --> 00:42:12.226
- You wanna listen to this message or not?
- Yeah, whatever.

805
00:42:12.329 --> 00:42:13.296
<i>You have one job, mate.</i>

806
00:42:13.998 --> 00:42:15.989
<i>Find a sucker to invest with you</i>

807
00:42:16.066 --> 00:42:18.034
<i>so you can pay my boss back</i>
<i>the money you lost.</i>

808
00:42:18.102 --> 00:42:19.330
<i>And I don't care who.</i>

809
00:42:19.403 --> 00:42:21.735
<i>Right. I actually think I found a sucker...</i>

810
00:42:21.839 --> 00:42:24.273
- He's talking to Ershon.
<i>...to invest $32 billion.</i>

811
00:42:24.375 --> 00:42:25.933
Who's got $32 billion to rob?

812
00:42:26.043 --> 00:42:28.273
<i>Once I get the money, I'll falsify the records</i>

813
00:42:28.412 --> 00:42:31.176
<i>to show their massive losses</i>
<i>and then repay your employer.</i>

814
00:42:31.248 --> 00:42:34.911
<i>Now, since you're following me,</i>
<i>I need to go to 2300 Park Avenue,</i>

815
00:42:35.019 --> 00:42:36.577
<i>and after that...</i>

816
00:42:36.687 --> 00:42:38.450
I told you it wasn't a security team.

817
00:42:38.756 --> 00:42:41.919
- He was being abducted.
- Obviously, but what kind... Holy...

818
00:42:42.026 --> 00:42:43.550
Nobody leaves our house
without making love to my wife!

819
00:42:43.627 --> 00:42:44.787
- Is that him?
- Yeah!

820
00:42:44.895 --> 00:42:46.692
Oh, my God, they came out of nowhere!

821
00:42:46.764 --> 00:42:48.595
- Holy shit!
- They chased us 20 miles.

822
00:42:48.699 --> 00:42:50.894
- You come back here! You get back here!
- Allen!

823
00:42:58.642 --> 00:43:02.237
2300 Park Avenue.
It's the offices of the lottery.

824
00:43:03.380 --> 00:43:05.075
Holy shit, the lottery tickets we found.

825
00:43:05.449 --> 00:43:07.883
Ershon is using the lottery money
to cover his losses.

826
00:43:07.952 --> 00:43:10.785
$32 billion. That's the state's money.

827
00:43:10.888 --> 00:43:13.083
Well, what do we tell Mauch?
A guy lost some money.

828
00:43:13.157 --> 00:43:16.649
We have a scratchy cell phone message
and an address. It's still half a case.

829
00:43:16.760 --> 00:43:20.719
There's gotta be some sort of paper trail.
If we can find that, if we can track it,

830
00:43:20.798 --> 00:43:21.992
then we can go to Mauch.

831
00:43:22.766 --> 00:43:26.759
So, I did some more research
on Ershon's accounting firm,

832
00:43:26.837 --> 00:43:28.566
and I found some pretty interesting stuff.

833
00:43:28.639 --> 00:43:31.802
It turns out that Gretchel and Dawson has...

834
00:43:33.243 --> 00:43:34.938
Hold on, I'm up.

835
00:43:36.246 --> 00:43:39.306
<i>I gave my love to Erin</i>

836
00:43:40.284 --> 00:43:43.947
<i>She promised to be true</i>

837
00:43:44.488 --> 00:43:48.481
<i>I went to war to come back</i>

838
00:43:48.592 --> 00:43:52.528
<i>And find five British soldiers</i>

839
00:43:52.630 --> 00:43:55.827
<i>Had their way with her</i>

840
00:43:56.000 --> 00:44:00.369
<i>It was consensual</i>

841
00:44:01.105 --> 00:44:02.163
Done?

842
00:44:02.272 --> 00:44:05.207
Gretchel and Dawson Accounting Firm
in Fair Lawn, New Jersey

843
00:44:05.309 --> 00:44:08.369
has only one client, David Ershon.

844
00:44:08.479 --> 00:44:11.004
Pretty rinky-dink operation
for a guy like that.

845
00:44:11.115 --> 00:44:13.811
Looks like we're going to Jersey
to visit an accounting firm.

846
00:44:13.884 --> 00:44:16.648
That's a shitty day.

847
00:44:17.888 --> 00:44:21.949
<i>And all their fathers were hanged</i>

848
00:44:22.026 --> 00:44:25.484
<i>And the children all got pink eye</i>

849
00:44:27.564 --> 00:44:34.402
<i>While their</i> Harry Potter <i>books were burned</i>

850
00:44:40.044 --> 00:44:42.478
Do you have fun singing those songs?
They're really depressing.

851
00:44:42.546 --> 00:44:44.980
I do. They're full of rich history.

852
00:44:46.183 --> 00:44:48.174
Damn it, I'm late.
I was supposed to go meet my lady.

853
00:44:48.252 --> 00:44:50.652
I thought you said you guys split up.

854
00:44:50.721 --> 00:44:53.246
Let's just keep our thing about work, okay?

855
00:44:53.357 --> 00:44:54.915
All right. Goodbye, buddy.

856
00:44:55.025 --> 00:44:57.016
Hey, get off me, man.

857
00:45:15.612 --> 00:45:18.342
What the hell are you doing?

858
00:45:18.415 --> 00:45:21.009
I'm dancing, Terry.
What the hell are you doing here?

859
00:45:21.085 --> 00:45:23.246
I love you, Francine.

860
00:45:23.353 --> 00:45:26.584
If you were with me, you wouldn't be here
in this strip club, shaking it for dollar bills!

861
00:45:26.690 --> 00:45:31.718
This is a ballet studio, Terry.
Okay? These poles are horizontal.

862
00:45:31.795 --> 00:45:33.854
He loves you very much, Francine.

863
00:45:33.931 --> 00:45:36.399
- Who is this guy?
- What are you doing here, Allen?

864
00:45:36.467 --> 00:45:38.094
It's the code. I'm your partner.

865
00:45:38.302 --> 00:45:41.362
I'm here to support a friend
and a work colleague.

866
00:45:41.438 --> 00:45:42.928
Francine, is this guy bothering you?

867
00:45:43.040 --> 00:45:45.907
Who's this, your new boyfriend?
Great. You got a new boyfriend.

868
00:45:45.976 --> 00:45:49.412
He is my dance partner, Terry. Okay?

869
00:45:49.480 --> 00:45:51.277
I know that this is a big surprise,

870
00:45:51.381 --> 00:45:54.214
but there are other things in the world
besides being a cop. Okay?

871
00:45:54.885 --> 00:45:57.752
Now, if you will excuse me, I'm gonna dance.

872
00:45:57.821 --> 00:45:59.618
What, you don't think I can do this shit?

873
00:46:16.140 --> 00:46:18.335
That was surprisingly good, Terry.

874
00:46:18.642 --> 00:46:21.338
- I love you, Francine.
- You don't know what love is.

875
00:46:21.445 --> 00:46:23.379
He loves you very much, Francine!

876
00:46:23.480 --> 00:46:25.380
I heard it when he said it. Thank you.

877
00:46:25.482 --> 00:46:27.677
You know what you're doing to me?
You're killing me inside.

878
00:46:27.785 --> 00:46:28.877
And don't eyeball me, man!

879
00:46:28.986 --> 00:46:30.954
You're running around
with this crack-dealing drug addict?

880
00:46:31.021 --> 00:46:32.113
Terry!

881
00:46:32.189 --> 00:46:33.884
He does not approve of your behavior!

882
00:46:33.991 --> 00:46:35.959
Can you please go?

883
00:46:36.026 --> 00:46:38.324
And you, too,
creepy guy standing in the door?

884
00:46:42.466 --> 00:46:43.660
Let's go, Allen.

885
00:46:44.134 --> 00:46:46.694
I think we all experienced
our own ballet today.

886
00:46:47.037 --> 00:46:48.834
The ballet of emotion and feelings.

887
00:46:49.306 --> 00:46:50.864
You're kind of making things worse.

888
00:47:00.484 --> 00:47:03.317
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

889
00:47:04.755 --> 00:47:07.246
Hey, I didn't know you could dance.

890
00:47:08.192 --> 00:47:10.660
We used to do those dance moves
to make fun of guys when we were kids,

891
00:47:10.727 --> 00:47:12.092
show them how queer they were, okay?

892
00:47:14.031 --> 00:47:17.023
- You learned to dance like that sarcastically?
- Yeah, I guess.

893
00:47:17.100 --> 00:47:20.661
Stay out of my personal life, okay?
The kid flies private.

894
00:47:20.737 --> 00:47:23.900
Stay focused on the case, man.
I'll see you in Jersey tomorrow.

895
00:47:24.341 --> 00:47:25.899
All right, Terry.

896
00:47:26.443 --> 00:47:30.038
Hey, that was liberating for me.
I don't know how it felt for you.

897
00:47:52.569 --> 00:47:55.936
Here, check this out.
Article from six months ago.

898
00:47:56.039 --> 00:47:57.597
Talking about how the lottery is looking

899
00:47:57.708 --> 00:48:00.108
to invest their $30-billion fund
more aggressively.

900
00:48:00.811 --> 00:48:01.937
So he's dealing drugs?

901
00:48:02.312 --> 00:48:06.112
No, it's not drugs. This isn't <i>Miami Vice.</i>

902
00:48:09.219 --> 00:48:11.050
Look, I'm sorry. I just...

903
00:48:11.755 --> 00:48:16.454
I am in a bit of a state today.
Sheila and I got into it last night.

904
00:48:16.994 --> 00:48:18.359
What happened?

905
00:48:20.264 --> 00:48:23.062
She was interested in taking this class
at The Learning Annex, right?

906
00:48:23.700 --> 00:48:25.634
Called "The Art of Oral Sex"?

907
00:48:25.903 --> 00:48:28.599
You know, we just don't have it
in the budget right now.

908
00:48:29.206 --> 00:48:31.174
It's always about her.

909
00:48:31.575 --> 00:48:33.543
Yeah, that's... That's messed up.

910
00:48:35.279 --> 00:48:36.439
Hey, I got you a gift.

911
00:48:37.281 --> 00:48:41.047
I just saw something, and I thought of you,
and so, I don't want it to be weird.

912
00:48:41.118 --> 00:48:42.244
I just wanted to be nice.

913
00:48:42.352 --> 00:48:43.683
Of course it's weird.

914
00:48:43.754 --> 00:48:45.585
It's a grown man
giving another man a present.

915
00:48:47.257 --> 00:48:49.589
There you go. Open it up.

916
00:48:50.193 --> 00:48:52.093
It's okay, you're welcome.

917
00:48:52.629 --> 00:48:54.597
I like to do things like that.

918
00:48:54.731 --> 00:48:56.790
Take a look what it says.

919
00:49:05.642 --> 00:49:08.110
You know,
because we're both in law enforcement.

920
00:49:08.211 --> 00:49:09.769
We both like women.

921
00:49:09.880 --> 00:49:12.872
But I got a weird sense of humor.
I'm a sick puppy.

922
00:49:13.216 --> 00:49:15.377
I can't look at it. It makes me laugh so hard.

923
00:49:15.452 --> 00:49:16.749
Me, too.

924
00:49:20.157 --> 00:49:23.320
Real nice. You know, it's all class.

925
00:49:25.562 --> 00:49:26.961
- Okay.
- Don't do that shit any more.

926
00:49:27.064 --> 00:49:28.429
Yeah, believe me, I won't.

927
00:49:29.066 --> 00:49:31.364
Do you understand
what's so funny about it, though?

928
00:49:32.936 --> 00:49:36.531
'Cause it's the FBI, right?
It has the same logo, the same shield.

929
00:49:36.606 --> 00:49:39.439
And at first glance, you're like,
it's just a mug that says "FBI."

930
00:49:40.010 --> 00:49:44.674
But then at second glance,
you're like, "Female Body Inspector"?

931
00:49:44.748 --> 00:49:46.909
Get out of town. This is outrageous...

932
00:49:47.017 --> 00:49:48.279
Shut up!

933
00:50:00.797 --> 00:50:03.027
I'm gonna climb over
that anger wall of yours

934
00:50:03.100 --> 00:50:04.192
one of these days,

935
00:50:04.267 --> 00:50:06.428
and it's gonna be glorious.

936
00:50:09.973 --> 00:50:12.635
Shouldn't we tell Mauch that
we're going to check this place out?

937
00:50:12.743 --> 00:50:14.011
For what? We're just going to check it out.

938
00:50:14.011 --> 00:50:15.876
I know, but it's procedure.

939
00:50:16.947 --> 00:50:19.074
Terry answers to no one.

940
00:50:19.750 --> 00:50:21.911
I do what I do.

941
00:50:22.953 --> 00:50:25.421
What accounting firm is closed at 11:00 a.m.
On a Tuesday?

942
00:50:25.489 --> 00:50:26.751
This is a shithole.

943
00:50:34.431 --> 00:50:35.489
I love bombs.

944
00:50:35.599 --> 00:50:38.762
I can't hear! I can't hear!

945
00:50:40.237 --> 00:50:42.228
There's blood blisters on my hands!

946
00:50:42.305 --> 00:50:43.397
Oh, my God!

947
00:50:43.473 --> 00:50:45.771
How do they walk away in movies
without flinching

948
00:50:45.842 --> 00:50:47.571
when it explodes behind them?

949
00:50:47.644 --> 00:50:50.909
There's no way! I call bullshit on that!

950
00:50:51.248 --> 00:50:54.581
When they flew the Millennium Falcon
outside of the Death Star,

951
00:50:54.651 --> 00:50:58.644
and it was followed by the explosion,
that was bullshit!

952
00:50:58.755 --> 00:51:02.020
Don't you dare badmouth <i>Star Wars!</i>
That was all accurate!

953
00:51:02.125 --> 00:51:04.093
I need an MRI.

954
00:51:04.161 --> 00:51:08.461
I need an MRI! I've got soft tissue damage.

955
00:51:08.932 --> 00:51:10.957
There's no way
I don't have soft tissue damage.

956
00:51:11.034 --> 00:51:12.126
Please stop.

957
00:51:12.202 --> 00:51:13.931
I just wanna go somewhere
and breastfeed right now!

958
00:51:18.108 --> 00:51:22.477
Fire Department said it was a gas leak,
but no way. That was timed.

959
00:51:22.546 --> 00:51:24.343
They didn't wanna kill us,
but they wanted to scare us.

960
00:51:24.448 --> 00:51:26.939
Yeah, well, they succeeded, okay?

961
00:51:27.017 --> 00:51:29.645
I'm tired of this. All right?

962
00:51:29.719 --> 00:51:32.279
I'm tired of explosions
and people pointing guns at me.

963
00:51:32.355 --> 00:51:34.482
I wanna go back to my desk.

964
00:51:34.558 --> 00:51:38.050
Guess what? Life gets loud sometimes
and messes with your ears.

965
00:51:38.161 --> 00:51:40.629
You can't escape it by hiding
at your desk for your whole life.

966
00:51:40.697 --> 00:51:43.461
You know what? Yes, you can.
I've done it for years, okay?

967
00:51:43.533 --> 00:51:46.468
There's no explosions at my desk.

968
00:51:46.536 --> 00:51:51.473
There's no explosions at my home
with my plain wife, in my plain house.

969
00:51:53.810 --> 00:51:55.539
What are you afraid of, man?

970
00:51:56.680 --> 00:52:01.174
I'm your partner. You can tell me.
What the hell are you hiding from?

971
00:52:01.918 --> 00:52:04.284
I was a sophomore in college.

972
00:52:05.689 --> 00:52:09.750
The university I went to
decided they needed to raise tuition.

973
00:52:10.894 --> 00:52:16.730
A classmate of mine, Brenda, in an effort
to raise money and stay in school,

974
00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:18.768
came up with a nifty plan

975
00:52:18.869 --> 00:52:21.303
where she thought she'd date guys
and charge them money.

976
00:52:21.471 --> 00:52:23.063
I go on dates all the time,

977
00:52:23.140 --> 00:52:25.267
with a whole bunch of,
you know, boys and stuff.

978
00:52:25.375 --> 00:52:28.708
And I kind of need somebody to help me out,
like, you know, my partner in crime.

979
00:52:29.279 --> 00:52:31.543
Yeah, I could make a schedule.

980
00:52:31.615 --> 00:52:33.207
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's what I was thinking.

981
00:52:33.283 --> 00:52:35.808
- Provide transportation services.
- Yeah, yeah.

982
00:52:35.919 --> 00:52:38.046
- It's gonna be a good time.
- Thanks so much for asking me.

983
00:52:38.121 --> 00:52:40.589
<i>She said she needed my help to make sure</i>
<i>that the dates went okay</i>

984
00:52:40.657 --> 00:52:44.115
and that the guys paid her.
She said she'd give me a percentage.

985
00:52:44.227 --> 00:52:47.492
- Oh, my God. You were a pimp.
- What? God, no.

986
00:52:47.597 --> 00:52:49.656
No, I was just trying to help a friend.

987
00:52:49.766 --> 00:52:52.326
<i>We started making a lot of money.</i>

988
00:52:53.336 --> 00:52:56.237
<i>And wouldn't you know it,</i>
<i>some of Brenda's girlfriends</i>

989
00:52:56.306 --> 00:52:59.002
<i>decided they wanted to be a part of it.</i>

990
00:52:59.109 --> 00:53:01.771
<i>Pretty soon, there were about 14 ladies</i>
<i>that I was protecting</i>

991
00:53:01.845 --> 00:53:03.472
<i>while they gave me money.</i>

992
00:53:03.580 --> 00:53:05.104
<i>That's called a stable of whores.</i>

993
00:53:06.016 --> 00:53:10.953
We decided I shouldn't use my real name.
So we came up with the name "Gator."

994
00:53:11.188 --> 00:53:12.655
I'm telling you, you were a pimp.

995
00:53:12.756 --> 00:53:15.350
No! Are you even listening to the story?

996
00:53:18.161 --> 00:53:20.254
Anyway, one day,
I wake up and I look in the mirror,

997
00:53:20.330 --> 00:53:22.594
and I don't like what I see.

998
00:53:23.833 --> 00:53:27.360
<i>I mean, I had gotten out of control,</i>
<i>and I didn't even realize it.</i>

999
00:53:28.171 --> 00:53:30.503
You can't have a conscience
in the pimp game.

1000
00:53:31.274 --> 00:53:33.003
One night, two of my favorite girls,

1001
00:53:33.109 --> 00:53:35.304
Candy and Jolene, said,
"We gotta take you in,"

1002
00:53:35.378 --> 00:53:37.676
and they dropped me off
at the emergency room.

1003
00:53:37.781 --> 00:53:39.681
That's where I met Sheila. I was a mess.

1004
00:53:39.783 --> 00:53:44.982
I made a promise to myself and to her
that I would never get out of control again.

1005
00:53:45.822 --> 00:53:47.187
So, as soon as I graduated from college,

1006
00:53:47.290 --> 00:53:50.191
I became an accountant
for the police department.

1007
00:53:50.827 --> 00:53:53.523
The most stable job I could think of.

1008
00:53:55.131 --> 00:53:57.531
An accountant for law and order.

1009
00:53:59.836 --> 00:54:03.897
I just don't wanna ever feel out of control
like that ever again.

1010
00:54:04.007 --> 00:54:06.703
Don't worry. I got your back.

1011
00:54:06.810 --> 00:54:09.210
Now I say we go get in Ershon's grill
and see if he cracks.

1012
00:54:09.312 --> 00:54:13.078
- I'm tired of all this tippy-toeing around.
- Okay.

1013
00:54:13.416 --> 00:54:16.146
<i>You can either walk the plank</i>
<i>or take your panties off.</i>

1014
00:54:16.219 --> 00:54:17.846
<i>The choice is yours.</i>

1015
00:54:17.921 --> 00:54:22.187
<i>- I want to take my panties off.</i>
<i>- You've made a wise choice, you have.</i>

1016
00:54:22.259 --> 00:54:27.060
Mr. Ershon, Detective Gamble and the officer
who shot Derek Jeter are here.

1017
00:54:27.597 --> 00:54:28.859
Gentlemen, please.

1018
00:54:28.932 --> 00:54:32.231
- Remember us, hotshot?
- Of course I do. Please, sit.

1019
00:54:32.335 --> 00:54:33.996
<i>There she blows.</i>

1020
00:54:36.406 --> 00:54:39.671
Two of those Russian waters, please.
No lime wedges, just cucumber.

1021
00:54:39.743 --> 00:54:42.871
Guess where we just came from?
An explosion at your accounting office.

1022
00:54:43.213 --> 00:54:45.443
Yes, that awful gas leak.

1023
00:54:45.548 --> 00:54:49.450
Gas leak? The only gas leak is the one
coming out of your mouth right now.

1024
00:54:49.552 --> 00:54:54.580
I just thank God
no one was hurt or injured in a bad way.

1025
00:54:54.691 --> 00:54:57.387
I absolutely abhor death.

1026
00:54:57.627 --> 00:55:01.085
Hey, Andrew Lloyd Webber.
The jig is up, okay?

1027
00:55:01.231 --> 00:55:03.062
We know that wasn't your security team
that grabbed you.

1028
00:55:03.133 --> 00:55:05.465
And we know you're targeting a big fish
to cover losses.

1029
00:55:05.568 --> 00:55:07.900
You talk or I beat you
so it don't show no bruises.

1030
00:55:08.271 --> 00:55:11.035
God, this water is good.
Terry, have you tried the water?

1031
00:55:11.107 --> 00:55:12.597
Shut up, Allen.

1032
00:55:12.709 --> 00:55:15.974
I assure you,
I have no idea what you're talking about.

1033
00:55:16.079 --> 00:55:19.981
I understand there was a bit of a mix-up
with the whole scaffolding business.

1034
00:55:20.083 --> 00:55:25.487
The cucumber accents the water
in such a way that...

1035
00:55:26.656 --> 00:55:31.389
Perhaps by way of apology,
I can offer you my personal courtside seats

1036
00:55:31.461 --> 00:55:35.625
for the Knicks game,
with access to the Ambassador Club.

1037
00:55:38.001 --> 00:55:43.132
Come on, Knicks! Come on!
I got Knicks<i>'</i> fever and it's catching!

1038
00:55:44.474 --> 00:55:48.501
Hey. This feels weird sitting here.
It feels like it's a bribe.

1039
00:55:48.611 --> 00:55:53.139
It is a bribe. Son-of-a-bitch,
I saw courtside and I went blind.

1040
00:55:53.249 --> 00:55:54.511
Come on.

1041
00:55:55.352 --> 00:55:56.683
Call me!

1042
00:55:58.154 --> 00:55:59.951
- Excuse me.
- That was a trick.

1043
00:56:00.023 --> 00:56:01.422
No more.

1044
00:56:01.491 --> 00:56:06.861
Gentlemen, you have a choice.
<i>Mamma Mia</i> or <i>Jersey Boys.</i>

1045
00:56:10.200 --> 00:56:13.260
Fantastic! You're so unbelievable!

1046
00:56:17.774 --> 00:56:19.674
Damn it. He did it again.

1047
00:56:20.643 --> 00:56:22.941
- Excuse me.
- No more tickets.

1048
00:56:23.012 --> 00:56:24.946
Mr. Ershon,
I tried to keep them in the waiting room.

1049
00:56:25.014 --> 00:56:28.279
That's okay, Susan. Two Glacier waters
with Mediterranean limes.

1050
00:56:28.351 --> 00:56:30.216
No, no, no. No more water.
We're not here for that.

1051
00:56:30.320 --> 00:56:32.345
No, I was very much looking forward
to having a water.

1052
00:56:32.455 --> 00:56:36.892
- How great is <i>Jersey Boys?</i>
- It's not great. It's fantastic!

1053
00:56:36.993 --> 00:56:40.326
You totally undersold it.
The pageantry, the costumes.

1054
00:56:40.397 --> 00:56:42.024
Wow, what a musical.

1055
00:56:42.132 --> 00:56:43.997
Hey. Get over here.

1056
00:56:45.135 --> 00:56:46.295
- What's wrong with you?
- What?

1057
00:56:46.369 --> 00:56:47.859
That's not what we're here for.

1058
00:56:48.805 --> 00:56:50.864
We're gonna do good cop, bad cop. Okay?

1059
00:56:51.174 --> 00:56:54.200
It's the oldest game in the book for a reason,
it works.

1060
00:56:54.310 --> 00:56:55.641
I come strong, then you come in.

1061
00:56:55.712 --> 00:56:56.804
- You got it?
- Yeah.

1062
00:56:56.880 --> 00:56:59.542
- I come strong, then you come in.
- Right. Got it.

1063
00:56:59.649 --> 00:57:01.549
Now you listen to me, you piece of shit.

1064
00:57:01.818 --> 00:57:04.378
It's just you and me,
and I'm gonna rip you apart!

1065
00:57:04.487 --> 00:57:08.685
How did you cover your losses up?
What drug cartel are you working with now?

1066
00:57:08.758 --> 00:57:12.694
- Okay, I'll talk to you, you're reasonable!
- No, no, look at me!

1067
00:57:12.762 --> 00:57:15.230
You wanna talk to me?
You wanna talk to me?

1068
00:57:15.331 --> 00:57:18.823
Allen, what are you doing?
What are you doing? Allen!

1069
00:57:19.669 --> 00:57:21.899
I'm gonna make you eat
a plate of human shit!

1070
00:57:22.572 --> 00:57:24.369
Get away from me!

1071
00:57:29.078 --> 00:57:30.545
Where is he?

1072
00:57:32.582 --> 00:57:35.176
Look, I'm really sorry about that.

1073
00:57:36.019 --> 00:57:38.544
I saw how aggressive you were being,
and I thought,

1074
00:57:38.621 --> 00:57:42.250
"Wow, I gotta go even bigger than that,
since we're doing bad cop, bad cop."

1075
00:57:42.358 --> 00:57:47.421
What? No, I said, "Good cop, bad cop."
I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop.

1076
00:57:47.530 --> 00:57:51.933
Okay, then there it is. That's it.
I thought you said, "Bad cop, bad cop."

1077
00:57:52.268 --> 00:57:55.704
Well, while you were going crazy,
look what I snagged from his desk.

1078
00:57:55.772 --> 00:57:57.865
- Think it's his phone sheet.
- Nice.

1079
00:57:58.208 --> 00:57:59.903
Seven calls to the lottery office.

1080
00:58:00.243 --> 00:58:01.767
That could be the evidence
we need for Mauch.

1081
00:58:04.547 --> 00:58:07.414
- Get back. Colombian drug lords.
- Where are you getting that from?

1082
00:58:09.219 --> 00:58:10.413
Jesus!

1083
00:58:19.229 --> 00:58:21.663
Can you imagine where you'd be
in your career if you hadn't shot Jeter?

1084
00:58:29.472 --> 00:58:32.805
- We call this in, right?
- Looks like we got all the evidence we need.

1085
00:58:32.909 --> 00:58:34.968
I'm sorry, my butterfly.

1086
00:58:36.346 --> 00:58:39.281
We'll load them up, send them back to go.

1087
00:58:48.024 --> 00:58:51.323
- Holy shit.
- What?

1088
00:58:51.427 --> 00:58:54.123
What do you mean, what? Where are we?

1089
00:58:55.498 --> 00:58:56.931
We're in the high desert.

1090
00:58:57.000 --> 00:59:00.766
They took my shoes again, man!
What the hell is it with taking shoes?

1091
00:59:00.837 --> 00:59:02.361
- They took your wooden gun?
- Yeah.

1092
00:59:08.945 --> 00:59:11.175
- Hello?
<i>- Hello, Gene? I mean, Captain.</i>

1093
00:59:11.281 --> 00:59:12.680
<i>Captain, it's Allen Gamble.</i>

1094
00:59:12.782 --> 00:59:14.613
Yeah, yeah. Where are you?
What's going on?

1095
00:59:14.684 --> 00:59:16.982
<i>Captain, it's a long story,</i>
<i>but I'm just gonna cut to the chase.</i>

1096
00:59:17.053 --> 00:59:19.021
We are in Las Vegas, all right?

1097
00:59:19.122 --> 00:59:22.489
We were kidnapped, put on a freight train,
and shipped out here.

1098
00:59:22.559 --> 00:59:24.993
Let me just stop you right there.
Don't bullshit me.

1099
00:59:25.061 --> 00:59:26.460
Captain, I am being straight with you.

1100
00:59:26.529 --> 00:59:28.861
Look, we think something's going on, okay?

1101
00:59:28.965 --> 00:59:31.832
We think Ershon is targeting the lottery
to cover his losses.

1102
00:59:31.901 --> 00:59:37.339
Wait. How many times
did I explicitly say to you, "Lay off Ershon"?

1103
00:59:37.840 --> 00:59:39.137
Terry, Captain wants to know

1104
00:59:39.208 --> 00:59:41.142
how many times
has he asked us to lay off of Ershon.

1105
00:59:41.210 --> 00:59:42.302
Twice.

1106
00:59:43.146 --> 00:59:44.909
Twice. Terry says twice. I agree.

1107
00:59:45.014 --> 00:59:47.073
I'm hanging up. I'm done.

1108
00:59:51.354 --> 00:59:55.882
I gotta tell you, I started getting a hand
for that, a taste for that Pai Gow.

1109
00:59:56.593 --> 01:00:01.189
Martin and Fosse, super cops,
in three, two...

1110
01:00:01.264 --> 01:00:07.169
So, we busted that junkie.
Got back 74 thou in diamonds. 74 thou.

1111
01:00:08.271 --> 01:00:09.704
Solved the Castien case.

1112
01:00:09.772 --> 01:00:12.570
$74,000? That's all they took?

1113
01:00:12.675 --> 01:00:14.905
There's millions of dollars of diamonds
in that place.

1114
01:00:15.011 --> 01:00:17.172
How about this, Gamble?
How about you shut your face?

1115
01:00:17.246 --> 01:00:18.838
All right? Just shut it.

1116
01:00:18.915 --> 01:00:20.542
Hoitz, Gamble, Captain's looking for you.

1117
01:00:23.519 --> 01:00:25.749
I know it's off the subject,
but is Kevlar copyrighted?

1118
01:00:25.855 --> 01:00:27.117
- Captain?
- Yeah.

1119
01:00:27.223 --> 01:00:29.714
- Is it a bad time?
- No, come on. Come on.

1120
01:00:30.093 --> 01:00:31.924
- Not me, right?
- Yeah, and you.

1121
01:00:32.028 --> 01:00:35.725
Fellows, I'm sure you're familiar with
the venerable DA Radford.

1122
01:00:35.798 --> 01:00:37.459
He wanted to come down and pay us a visit.

1123
01:00:37.567 --> 01:00:38.795
Hello, gentlemen.

1124
01:00:38.901 --> 01:00:40.027
- Hello, sir.
- Hey.

1125
01:00:40.103 --> 01:00:43.470
- You know, I was talking to Gene here.
- He prefers "Captain."

1126
01:00:43.573 --> 01:00:47.065
Yes, I was talking to Gene here,
and, you know, it's funny.

1127
01:00:47.377 --> 01:00:49.607
I don't know what you two have been up to,

1128
01:00:49.712 --> 01:00:53.079
but I've been getting calls
from people I don't ever get calls from.

1129
01:00:53.149 --> 01:00:56.084
In 40 years of enforcing the law,
I've learned one thing.

1130
01:00:56.719 --> 01:00:58.414
When that happens, stop.

1131
01:00:59.989 --> 01:01:03.083
- Gene, how's the family?
- Good, good, Louis, thanks for asking.

1132
01:01:03.159 --> 01:01:05.150
- My son's bisexual, so...
- Tremendous.

1133
01:01:07.964 --> 01:01:09.488
Gentlemen, do we understand each other?

1134
01:01:10.800 --> 01:01:12.961
- Cut the crap!
- Will do.

1135
01:01:17.340 --> 01:01:18.773
Guy never comes down here.

1136
01:01:18.841 --> 01:01:21.674
Twenty years, I think I've seen that guy
in this building one time.

1137
01:01:21.778 --> 01:01:24.941
- He's a heavyweight cat, that guy.
- He was sitting right here.

1138
01:01:25.348 --> 01:01:28.784
Yeah. I think you missed the point.
Anyway, look.

1139
01:01:28.851 --> 01:01:32.287
Blue and white found your firearms down
by the Hudson River. Here you go, Terry.

1140
01:01:33.956 --> 01:01:35.446
You know what?

1141
01:01:36.125 --> 01:01:38.093
I'm gonna hang on to the wooden gun.

1142
01:01:38.161 --> 01:01:40.026
- To give me back my real gun?
- No.

1143
01:01:40.129 --> 01:01:42.188
'Cause I'm gonna give you this.

1144
01:01:42.932 --> 01:01:46.095
It's a rape whistle.
You blow that if you run into any trouble

1145
01:01:46.703 --> 01:01:49.263
and someone with an actual gun
will come and help you out.

1146
01:01:50.640 --> 01:01:55.304
We were abducted, Captain! This shit is real!
Ershon's dirty. He's targeting the lottery!

1147
01:01:55.378 --> 01:02:00.281
Next, I want you guys to hand in all
the evidence you think you have to the SEC.

1148
01:02:00.349 --> 01:02:02.180
The financial district's
under their jurisdiction.

1149
01:02:02.285 --> 01:02:04.753
Don't you get it? This case is talking to us!

1150
01:02:04.821 --> 01:02:07.949
I'm a peacock, Captain!
You gotta let me fly on this one!

1151
01:02:08.024 --> 01:02:10.925
You know what, Terry? Let's just settle this.
Peacocks don't fly.

1152
01:02:10.993 --> 01:02:14.451
- They fly, they fly a little bit.
- Yeah, about as much as a penguin.

1153
01:02:14.530 --> 01:02:18.159
One more thing, do me a favor,
don't go chasing waterfalls.

1154
01:02:18.868 --> 01:02:21.428
Was that accidental, or were you trying
to quote TLC on purpose?

1155
01:02:22.271 --> 01:02:23.329
I don't even understand the reference.

1156
01:02:23.873 --> 01:02:26.000
- You don't understand what you said?
- I don't know what that is.

1157
01:02:26.109 --> 01:02:27.542
Get out. Go.

1158
01:02:38.287 --> 01:02:40.517
How did they get that story?

1159
01:02:42.058 --> 01:02:45.027
I'm tired of being treated like a jerk
for trying to do the right thing.

1160
01:02:45.128 --> 01:02:46.186
Hey, guys.

1161
01:02:46.562 --> 01:02:50.464
There's a proxy vote for a big reinvestment
of the pension coming up,

1162
01:02:50.533 --> 01:02:53.400
- so if you just wanna come by the old...
- Damn it, Bob!

1163
01:02:53.503 --> 01:02:54.561
Let me ask you something.

1164
01:02:54.670 --> 01:02:57.070
What do you even do around here
besides interrupt people?

1165
01:02:57.774 --> 01:03:00.174
Well, I serve as treasurer to the union.

1166
01:03:00.243 --> 01:03:03.076
I make a wicked pot of decaf.

1167
01:03:03.179 --> 01:03:06.410
Exactly! You're a worthless piece of shit!

1168
01:03:08.351 --> 01:03:11.878
Probably right, Terry.
That's why I feel so sad all the time.

1169
01:03:12.789 --> 01:03:14.586
I'm gonna go for a walk.

1170
01:03:14.690 --> 01:03:15.952
- Bob!
- Say something.

1171
01:03:16.058 --> 01:03:17.923
Come on! Bob!

1172
01:03:18.027 --> 01:03:20.928
I didn't mean it, all right? I'm upset.

1173
01:03:38.748 --> 01:03:43.845
Actually, we don't do that here.
This is an installation art piece.

1174
01:03:44.220 --> 01:03:46.313
- This coffee table?
- Yes. We don't put drinks on it.

1175
01:03:50.092 --> 01:03:52.754
- Five hundred thousand?
- He can read! Congratulations.

1176
01:03:53.229 --> 01:03:55.390
- What?
- I'm sorry, are you in the right place?

1177
01:03:55.464 --> 01:03:57.762
Or not? I'm...

1178
01:03:58.968 --> 01:04:00.162
- Terry.
- Does he... Okay.

1179
01:04:00.236 --> 01:04:03.501
- Well...
- Sorry. Terry! What are you doing here?

1180
01:04:04.740 --> 01:04:09.109
- I want to be with you.
- No, Terry, that's not gonna happen.

1181
01:04:09.478 --> 01:04:12.106
You know where you belong.
On top of me in the Poconos.

1182
01:04:12.949 --> 01:04:14.974
Instead, you're here
selling dirty coffee tables?

1183
01:04:15.151 --> 01:04:16.709
I mean, look at this. This is nonsense!

1184
01:04:16.786 --> 01:04:19.220
Terry, this is an original Haverfield-Jameson.

1185
01:04:19.589 --> 01:04:23.787
The chaos of the coffee table?
It represents our fractured egos.

1186
01:04:24.260 --> 01:04:26.251
You think I don't know
about this artsy-fartsy crap?

1187
01:04:26.629 --> 01:04:31.089
This coffee table isn't the ego. It represents
our shattered sense of community

1188
01:04:31.434 --> 01:04:33.197
in the face of capitalist-driven isolation.

1189
01:04:33.502 --> 01:04:36.062
Looks like the work of Cindy Sherman
or Frank Stella.

1190
01:04:36.739 --> 01:04:38.036
How did you know that, Terry?

1191
01:04:38.507 --> 01:04:39.906
I took some classes at RISD

1192
01:04:39.976 --> 01:04:42.308
so I could make fun of these lame artsy
douches in my neighborhood.

1193
01:04:42.378 --> 01:04:44.778
- Terry, lower your voice!
- I don't have to lower my voice.

1194
01:04:44.847 --> 01:04:47.645
- Is this man bothering you?
- Are you actually having sex with this creep?

1195
01:04:47.984 --> 01:04:49.815
Terry, he's gay. Okay?

1196
01:04:51.087 --> 01:04:53.749
He's even wearing a T-shirt that says,
"I'm gay"!

1197
01:04:54.023 --> 01:04:55.888
All right? And also, he is my boss.

1198
01:04:56.225 --> 01:04:57.385
Happy for you, man. Good.

1199
01:04:57.460 --> 01:04:59.325
Can you get out of here now?
I'm talking to my lady.

1200
01:04:59.528 --> 01:05:02.861
Mr. Reger, everything is fine.
Terry is actually leaving now.

1201
01:05:03.299 --> 01:05:05.358
Nice toot, sailor. Jesus.

1202
01:05:06.602 --> 01:05:08.536
Terry, what are you doing?

1203
01:05:09.038 --> 01:05:12.439
Look, I waited three years
for you to be more than a cop, okay?

1204
01:05:12.775 --> 01:05:14.003
Just give me one more year.

1205
01:05:14.443 --> 01:05:16.843
Terry, you don't get another year. I'm done.

1206
01:05:17.346 --> 01:05:18.404
Fine.

1207
01:05:18.881 --> 01:05:22.078
- Terry, don't touch that! Terry!
- Oh, my God!

1208
01:05:22.418 --> 01:05:24.352
I don't need this shit. I don't need you!

1209
01:05:25.354 --> 01:05:27.447
And when you call me, I'm not coming back!

1210
01:05:28.724 --> 01:05:31.784
- Oh, boy! Over the top!
- How <i>outré!</i>

1211
01:05:32.161 --> 01:05:34.288
I'll burn this bitch down to the ground!

1212
01:05:35.564 --> 01:05:37.896
- Fresh! Energetic!
- I love his rawness!

1213
01:05:38.301 --> 01:05:41.828
Stop critiquing me, okay?
I'm a human being! I'm not a piece of art!

1214
01:05:42.138 --> 01:05:43.969
- Yes, you are.
- Bravo!

1215
01:05:44.307 --> 01:05:47.003
I'm a peacock flying into a rainbow!

1216
01:05:47.677 --> 01:05:49.770
Yes! Yes!

1217
01:05:59.388 --> 01:06:01.982
These braised short ribs taste
like a dog's asshole.

1218
01:06:02.091 --> 01:06:03.786
- Sweetie.
- You know what, I'm sitting here thinking,

1219
01:06:03.893 --> 01:06:07.056
"Who in the world would slow roast
a dog's asshole

1220
01:06:07.129 --> 01:06:09.097
"and serve it to their husband?"

1221
01:06:09.165 --> 01:06:12.601
- You would.
- You are being awful. What's wrong?

1222
01:06:12.668 --> 01:06:17.401
- Captain took us off the case.
- I'm sorry.

1223
01:06:18.307 --> 01:06:23.142
I told Terry about my dark days in college,
and it brought up some feelings.

1224
01:06:23.546 --> 01:06:28.779
Well, honeydick, that was a long time ago.
You're not that same person you were.

1225
01:06:28.884 --> 01:06:32.320
No, you don't get it.
There is a darkness inside of me.

1226
01:06:32.421 --> 01:06:35.413
It wants to get out. It wants to walk around.

1227
01:06:35.491 --> 01:06:38.619
It wants some walking around money,
and it wants to buy some shoes.

1228
01:06:38.728 --> 01:06:43.256
And it wants to walk up with the people
and say, "Hey, Gator don't play no shit."

1229
01:06:43.599 --> 01:06:44.964
- You feel me?
- Yeah.

1230
01:06:45.067 --> 01:06:49.128
Gator never been about that,
never been about playing no shit.

1231
01:06:52.174 --> 01:06:54.165
- Sweetie, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

1232
01:06:54.810 --> 01:06:58.177
- I just...
- Remember that night we met?

1233
01:06:58.948 --> 01:07:03.612
The attending physician told me,
"We got a drugged-out pimp in the back."

1234
01:07:04.353 --> 01:07:07.789
And I went back there,
and I pulled open that curtain,

1235
01:07:07.857 --> 01:07:09.415
and I saw you.

1236
01:07:10.159 --> 01:07:12.491
You were weak, scared,

1237
01:07:13.062 --> 01:07:17.158
ass up, inflamed, crying.

1238
01:07:17.266 --> 01:07:22.363
At that moment, I knew.
"Hey, he's no pimp. Pimps don't cry."

1239
01:07:23.339 --> 01:07:27.833
<i>Pimps don't cry</i>

1240
01:07:29.145 --> 01:07:31.670
<i>Pimps don't cry</i>

1241
01:07:31.781 --> 01:07:34.682
<i>No, they don't</i>

1242
01:07:35.051 --> 01:07:38.020
<i>They don't shed a tear</i>

1243
01:07:38.721 --> 01:07:44.057
<i>Pimps don't cry</i>

1244
01:07:44.326 --> 01:07:46.226
<i>They never shed a tear</i>

1245
01:07:51.133 --> 01:07:54.569
Come lay with me.
Be safe, and let's make love. Come on.

1246
01:07:54.670 --> 01:07:57.070
Every time you say, "Be safe,"
it tears me apart.

1247
01:07:57.173 --> 01:07:59.733
You gotta let me be who I'm gonna be.

1248
01:08:01.343 --> 01:08:03.834
Allen, I'm pregnant.

1249
01:08:04.713 --> 01:08:06.078
Whose baby is that?

1250
01:08:06.182 --> 01:08:09.640
Who's the man who did that to you?
Gator's bitches better be using jimmies!

1251
01:08:11.487 --> 01:08:14.547
I'm sorry. See, that's what I'm talking about.

1252
01:08:14.657 --> 01:08:16.249
Oh, my God.

1253
01:08:18.160 --> 01:08:19.559
You need to leave.

1254
01:08:19.662 --> 01:08:23.257
Get out! Get out, Allen! Get out!

1255
01:08:40.049 --> 01:08:40.947
Hey.

1256
01:08:42.218 --> 01:08:44.743
Hey. What are you doing here?

1257
01:08:47.223 --> 01:08:52.286
Come here when I have lady troubles,
which means I come here about every night.

1258
01:08:52.394 --> 01:08:54.419
What are you doing here?

1259
01:08:55.598 --> 01:08:58.089
Sheila and I got into it tonight.

1260
01:08:58.968 --> 01:09:01.266
She threw me out.

1261
01:09:02.304 --> 01:09:05.364
Well, you're not a cop till your wife
throws you out of the house, partner.

1262
01:09:05.441 --> 01:09:09.275
Does it bother you that the Castien robbers
only took 74 grand in diamonds?

1263
01:09:09.612 --> 01:09:12.080
They're junkies. Who cares? I mean...

1264
01:09:12.148 --> 01:09:15.948
I don't know if a junkie can go down
a 20-story zipline, though.

1265
01:09:16.051 --> 01:09:16.949
How you fellas doing?

1266
01:09:18.621 --> 01:09:21.784
We're about to have us a little screw party
in this red Prius over here

1267
01:09:21.891 --> 01:09:23.085
if you wanna join us.

1268
01:09:23.192 --> 01:09:25.251
You're not going
anywhere near that Prius, okay?

1269
01:09:25.594 --> 01:09:28.461
Here's what we're talking about.
We're talking about a bunch of hobos

1270
01:09:28.898 --> 01:09:30.832
with fingers in each other's pooper

1271
01:09:30.900 --> 01:09:33.698
in a stranger's car
with talk radio playing really loud.

1272
01:09:33.769 --> 01:09:34.929
It's gonna be a nice evening.

1273
01:09:35.304 --> 01:09:37.602
Well, we're not participating in that.
We have no interest.

1274
01:09:37.806 --> 01:09:38.898
Let me rephrase it.

1275
01:09:39.308 --> 01:09:42.141
We got a jar of old mustard,
and we got a poodle,

1276
01:09:42.344 --> 01:09:45.507
and we're just get in there
and we're gonna put some D's in some A's.

1277
01:09:45.848 --> 01:09:47.679
Hey, are you Dirty Mike and the boys?

1278
01:09:47.750 --> 01:09:50.275
- How do you know who we are?
- You left a note in that car.

1279
01:09:50.386 --> 01:09:52.946
- Police, shithead.
- He's a copper. We gotta go. Come on!

1280
01:09:53.055 --> 01:09:54.886
Hey! Goose it, boys! They're cops!

1281
01:09:55.357 --> 01:09:57.120
Rub your dicks on the car
as you're running away!

1282
01:09:57.193 --> 01:09:59.525
You turned my beautiful Prius
into a nightmare!

1283
01:09:59.628 --> 01:10:03.291
We are gonna have sex in your car!
It will happen again!

1284
01:10:05.434 --> 01:10:07.129
I don't know where I'm gonna sleep tonight.

1285
01:10:07.203 --> 01:10:09.000
Fortunately, I know
where you're gonna be drinking.

1286
01:10:09.104 --> 01:10:11.436
Jack of All Trades. Drinks on me. Come on.

1287
01:10:11.974 --> 01:10:13.669
- No, I already have a beer.
- No, no, no, no.

1288
01:10:14.009 --> 01:10:16.341
I'm talking about doing
some serious drinking.

1289
01:10:16.445 --> 01:10:17.776
Drinking with Terry Hoitz.

1290
01:11:06.662 --> 01:11:08.527
This sucks, man.
Work our ass off on this case,

1291
01:11:08.597 --> 01:11:10.189
now we gotta hand over
all of our evidence?

1292
01:11:10.266 --> 01:11:11.528
Yeah, it's not right.

1293
01:11:11.600 --> 01:11:13.659
Oh, my God, I'm hungover.

1294
01:11:16.005 --> 01:11:16.801
So, you guys are law enforcement?

1295
01:11:17.473 --> 01:11:19.407
Yeah, we're an independent
government agency who,

1296
01:11:19.475 --> 01:11:21.375
along with the FBI and the Federal Reserve,

1297
01:11:21.443 --> 01:11:23.604
regulate the stock market
and corporate fraud.

1298
01:11:23.946 --> 01:11:26.574
And the Federal Reserve is a prison?

1299
01:11:26.815 --> 01:11:29.579
No, basically, it's a held-for-profit bank
that sets interest rates

1300
01:11:29.652 --> 01:11:30.778
and loans money to other banks.

1301
01:11:31.620 --> 01:11:33.815
- Is that a wastebasket?
- Yeah, right there.

1302
01:11:33.922 --> 01:11:35.287
Thank you.

1303
01:11:36.992 --> 01:11:40.325
- You all right?
- Holy hell!

1304
01:11:41.964 --> 01:11:43.659
I'm so sorry.

1305
01:11:44.266 --> 01:11:45.631
I got so drunk last night.

1306
01:11:45.734 --> 01:11:49.602
I think I thought a tube of toothpaste
was astronaut food.

1307
01:11:50.673 --> 01:11:52.470
Come on in, fellas.

1308
01:11:53.575 --> 01:11:55.770
You gotta be kidding me.
You're Ershon's lawyer.

1309
01:11:55.844 --> 01:11:57.607
We're turning over our investigation to you?

1310
01:11:58.013 --> 01:12:00.277
Let me assure you there will be
no conflict of interest

1311
01:12:00.349 --> 01:12:01.816
between me and David Ershon.

1312
01:12:01.917 --> 01:12:06.013
And if this were an actual investigation,
I would immediately recuse myself.

1313
01:12:06.121 --> 01:12:10.353
This is all the evidence we have,
and I truly hope you take this seriously.

1314
01:12:10.459 --> 01:12:11.756
Yes. Very much so.

1315
01:12:11.827 --> 01:12:13.590
From everything I've heard, I understand

1316
01:12:13.662 --> 01:12:16.927
you guys are the best
at these types of investigations.

1317
01:12:16.999 --> 01:12:19.763
Outside of Enron and AIG

1318
01:12:19.835 --> 01:12:21.302
and Bernie Madoff,

1319
01:12:21.937 --> 01:12:24.633
WorldCom, Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers.

1320
01:12:24.707 --> 01:12:26.607
Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Detective.

1321
01:12:26.675 --> 01:12:28.472
- Would you like a seat, or you're fine?
- No, I'm good.

1322
01:12:28.544 --> 01:12:30.171
Okay. Let me just assure you fellas,

1323
01:12:30.646 --> 01:12:33.137
David Ershon is an upstanding citizen.

1324
01:12:33.882 --> 01:12:35.645
I am playing squash with him
tonight at the club,

1325
01:12:35.718 --> 01:12:36.548
and we're having dinner.

1326
01:12:37.119 --> 01:12:39.212
You listen to me,
you Windsor knot-wearing monkey,

1327
01:12:39.321 --> 01:12:41.380
you play squash with Ershon, right?

1328
01:12:41.490 --> 01:12:44.721
Your kids go to school with his?
How would you know if he's clean or not?

1329
01:12:44.827 --> 01:12:46.488
I will take a look at your evidence,

1330
01:12:46.562 --> 01:12:47.790
and I will take a second look
at the financials.

1331
01:12:48.497 --> 01:12:50.556
And when I come back and bust your ass,

1332
01:12:50.666 --> 01:12:53.157
we're locking David Ershon
in the Federal Reserve!

1333
01:12:53.235 --> 01:12:54.702
He still doesn't understand the concept.

1334
01:13:16.125 --> 01:13:17.649
What are you doing?

1335
01:13:18.193 --> 01:13:21.492
We just handed all of our evidence over
to the bad guy's lawyer!

1336
01:13:21.563 --> 01:13:23.827
Are you a big man, huh?

1337
01:13:23.899 --> 01:13:25.366
- I'm talking to you.
- What?

1338
01:13:25.534 --> 01:13:28.298
You wake up in the morning, you say,
"I'm putting on my big boy pants"?

1339
01:13:28.370 --> 01:13:29.598
"Look, I'm wearing a belt!

1340
01:13:29.705 --> 01:13:31.832
- "I've got big boy pants on!"
- No!

1341
01:13:32.074 --> 01:13:33.837
You borrow a little jacket, you go?

1342
01:13:34.042 --> 01:13:36.101
You take your lunch
'cause you got big boy pants on?

1343
01:13:36.612 --> 01:13:38.443
You got your big boy pants and your snack?

1344
01:13:39.214 --> 01:13:40.841
I could say big, loud things!

1345
01:13:41.350 --> 01:13:42.749
I could be demonstrative!

1346
01:13:43.085 --> 01:13:44.985
- Stop!
- We don't, we don't do this!

1347
01:13:45.087 --> 01:13:47.180
You're scaring the shit out of me, man!
Stop it!

1348
01:13:47.289 --> 01:13:50.486
Is this how you conduct yourself?
In a democracy?

1349
01:13:50.592 --> 01:13:52.253
What the hell are you doing, man?

1350
01:13:52.694 --> 01:13:57.097
I'm so tired of you getting angry
and yelling all the time.

1351
01:13:58.000 --> 01:13:59.661
It's exhausting.

1352
01:14:01.804 --> 01:14:03.669
I feel like I'm partners with the Hulk.

1353
01:14:04.106 --> 01:14:06.597
You wanna know why
I'm so angry all the time?

1354
01:14:06.675 --> 01:14:10.042
'Cause the more I try and do right,
the more I screw things up.

1355
01:14:10.779 --> 01:14:15.807
<i>We've got a possible jumper</i>
<i>at 3 World Financial Center, 23rd floor.</i>

1356
01:14:15.884 --> 01:14:18.148
<i>All units, fire department, en route.</i>

1357
01:14:18.220 --> 01:14:20.347
- SEC.
- Beaman's office.

1358
01:14:20.923 --> 01:14:21.981
We have to go.

1359
01:14:22.191 --> 01:14:23.954
- But the Captain.
- We have to go, Allen.

1360
01:14:24.026 --> 01:14:28.725
<i>All units, I need a respondent.</i>
<i>Possible jumper, 3 World Financial Center.</i>

1361
01:14:39.875 --> 01:14:42.070
Shit. It's Beaman!

1362
01:14:42.878 --> 01:14:45.711
- He's gotta know something.
- Wesley!

1363
01:14:45.981 --> 01:14:47.812
Detective Hoitz and Gamble. We got this.

1364
01:14:48.250 --> 01:14:50.343
I took an online class
at University of Phoenix on negotiating.

1365
01:14:50.919 --> 01:14:53.080
I'm gonna need a priest and a bullhorn.

1366
01:14:53.188 --> 01:14:55.554
- I got no bullhorn.
- Does anyone have a bullhorn?

1367
01:14:55.657 --> 01:14:57.852
- Bullhorn, anyone?
- Truck.

1368
01:14:58.894 --> 01:15:00.885
Police business.
I need to use your PA system.

1369
01:15:00.996 --> 01:15:02.224
Okay, let me turn it on.

1370
01:15:04.166 --> 01:15:06.999
<i>Mr. Beaman? Mr. Don Beaman?</i>

1371
01:15:07.069 --> 01:15:10.266
It's Wesley. I know Ershon's Wesley's...

1372
01:15:10.372 --> 01:15:13.205
<i>Look, there's a lot to live for in this life.</i>

1373
01:15:13.275 --> 01:15:18.338
<i>A lot of great things, like soda pop,</i>
<i>big fresh can of soda pop.</i>

1374
01:15:18.413 --> 01:15:19.778
They do not care!

1375
01:15:19.882 --> 01:15:22.180
Give me this. I know how to talk to him.

1376
01:15:22.251 --> 01:15:25.914
<i>Listen, we all know you're a scumbag,</i>
<i>and nobody cares about you.</i>

1377
01:15:26.021 --> 01:15:27.352
<i>Rotten piece of shit.</i>

1378
01:15:27.422 --> 01:15:29.390
That's worse than what I was saying.

1379
01:15:29.791 --> 01:15:31.383
<i>I'm not gonna lie to you, Don.</i>

1380
01:15:31.460 --> 01:15:35.226
<i>People down here are starting to murmur</i>
<i>that you don't have the balls to do it.</i>

1381
01:15:35.597 --> 01:15:37.622
- I don't care!
<i>- Yeah.</i>

1382
01:15:37.733 --> 01:15:40.065
<i>I say you can do it.</i>

1383
01:15:40.802 --> 01:15:44.795
<i>I mean, I don't want you to jump.</i>
<i>I'm just saying you have the capability.</i>

1384
01:15:45.407 --> 01:15:46.465
Look, he's flying!

1385
01:15:52.214 --> 01:15:53.442
Stop that.

1386
01:15:54.216 --> 01:15:56.081
Half empty bottle of gin. Chair knocked over.

1387
01:15:56.151 --> 01:15:59.143
Look at this, it's a clear sign of a struggle.
Make sure you get this, all right?

1388
01:16:00.022 --> 01:16:02.889
Detectives, all your work's done here.
You can go.

1389
01:16:02.958 --> 01:16:04.550
What about Ershon targeting the lottery?

1390
01:16:04.626 --> 01:16:08.790
You know why Ershon was calling down
to the lottery offices all those times?

1391
01:16:08.897 --> 01:16:10.888
Because he was hooking up
with the Powerball girl,

1392
01:16:10.966 --> 01:16:13.264
the one on TV with all the numbered balls.

1393
01:16:13.368 --> 01:16:15.529
Yeah. She filed a restraining order on him
last week.

1394
01:16:16.038 --> 01:16:17.869
It was right there in front of you
the whole time.

1395
01:16:17.940 --> 01:16:19.908
- Can't be.
- You guys are getting transferred.

1396
01:16:19.975 --> 01:16:22.102
- What?
- Traffic.

1397
01:16:22.210 --> 01:16:23.302
Yeah, that's right.

1398
01:16:23.412 --> 01:16:27.075
You, you're gonna walk a beat downtown.
You're gonna walk a beat downtown.

1399
01:16:27.149 --> 01:16:29.481
- It's done. No, no. It's done.
- Captain, what are you talking about?

1400
01:16:29.585 --> 01:16:31.450
- Save yourselves some gas.
- Captain!

1401
01:16:31.987 --> 01:16:33.386
Is there an appeal process we can...

1402
01:16:33.455 --> 01:16:36.618
Had to do what you had to do, Captain.

1403
01:16:36.725 --> 01:16:38.920
Wow! That hurt.

1404
01:16:41.063 --> 01:16:43.224
- Excuse me. Where's my car?
- They towed it.

1405
01:16:43.298 --> 01:16:45.766
Couple of homeless people
were messing around in it.

1406
01:16:45.834 --> 01:16:49.497
- That's an official police car.
- Could have fooled me.

1407
01:16:54.643 --> 01:16:55.940
Wow, Mauch was upset, huh?

1408
01:16:56.478 --> 01:16:57.638
Really?

1409
01:16:57.746 --> 01:17:00.112
The only thing I had to be proud of
in my life was being a detective.

1410
01:17:00.182 --> 01:17:02.742
That was all I had. Now it's gone.

1411
01:17:03.485 --> 01:17:05.976
I know. I know. You still got me.

1412
01:17:06.088 --> 01:17:09.615
Don't you get it?
I don't want you, Allen, okay? I never did.

1413
01:17:09.691 --> 01:17:11.921
I told you that scaffolding violation
was dogshit.

1414
01:17:12.260 --> 01:17:14.353
I can't believe you still doubt me
after everything we've seen.

1415
01:17:14.463 --> 01:17:18.991
It's a real case, and I'm a real cop.
We just got the wrong target for Ershon.

1416
01:17:19.101 --> 01:17:21.331
- You carry a rape whistle.
- This is real cop work.

1417
01:17:21.436 --> 01:17:24.269
There is nothing about you
that makes a man a man, okay?

1418
01:17:24.339 --> 01:17:27.775
You got no gun, no car, no wife,
and now you got no partner.

1419
01:17:27.843 --> 01:17:29.435
Leave me alone.

1420
01:17:30.045 --> 01:17:31.535
<i>A mutt case.</i>

1421
01:17:31.647 --> 01:17:34.172
Terry, I am a cop,
for your information, okay?

1422
01:17:34.282 --> 01:17:36.443
<i>A broken partnership.</i>

1423
01:17:36.518 --> 01:17:37.644
I'm a cop!

1424
01:17:37.719 --> 01:17:41.382
<i>And getting busted down</i>
<i>to a shitty assignment.</i>

1425
01:17:41.490 --> 01:17:44.550
<i>Allen and Terry hit the trifecta.</i>

1426
01:17:47.329 --> 01:17:50.389
<i>But sometimes</i>
<i>when you get your ass kicked,</i>

1427
01:17:51.633 --> 01:17:54.329
<i>that's when you find out what's real...</i>

1428
01:17:56.672 --> 01:17:58.697
<i>...and what needs doing.</i>

1429
01:18:04.646 --> 01:18:06.705
<i>Whether it's directing traffic...</i>

1430
01:18:06.815 --> 01:18:07.839
Come on!

1431
01:18:08.316 --> 01:18:11.752
<i>...or cracking a multibillion dollar fraud.</i>

1432
01:18:23.231 --> 01:18:25.324
- Do you work here?
- Yeah, I do.

1433
01:18:25.400 --> 01:18:28.233
The wrecking ball that crashed into Castien
down there.

1434
01:18:28.336 --> 01:18:29.894
They also did damage to your office?

1435
01:18:30.005 --> 01:18:32.530
Some police officers came by
and sealed it off.

1436
01:18:32.607 --> 01:18:33.938
Do you recall what they looked like?

1437
01:18:34.042 --> 01:18:36.738
One of them had an Australian accent.

1438
01:18:37.279 --> 01:18:41.079
You don't happen to do any business
for the state lottery, do you?

1439
01:18:41.183 --> 01:18:44.550
No. Our main client is Lendl Global.

1440
01:18:44.619 --> 01:18:46.246
Can I ask what this is about?

1441
01:18:59.701 --> 01:19:01.931
Gator needs his gat, you punkass bitch!

1442
01:19:11.313 --> 01:19:13.406
<i>'Cause that's what a real cop is.</i>

1443
01:19:13.482 --> 01:19:15.973
No, I didn't say "Lock her up."
I never said, "Lock her up."

1444
01:19:16.084 --> 01:19:18.882
<i>A guy who does what needs to be done.</i>

1445
01:19:18.954 --> 01:19:22.913
<i>A guy who knows how to use his dark side</i>
<i>for good.</i>

1446
01:19:22.991 --> 01:19:24.618
<i>And then you move to Florida.</i>

1447
01:19:33.935 --> 01:19:35.061
One, two, three, attack!

1448
01:19:37.773 --> 01:19:38.967
Terry, it's me.

1449
01:19:39.074 --> 01:19:41.304
- Tap out. Tap out.
- It's me, Allen.

1450
01:19:41.409 --> 01:19:42.967
Are you tapping out,
or are you hitting me in the face?

1451
01:19:43.078 --> 01:19:44.739
I'm tapping out!

1452
01:19:45.614 --> 01:19:48.640
You crazy? What are you doing, man?

1453
01:19:48.750 --> 01:19:50.183
- They might be watching us.
- Could've killed you.

1454
01:19:50.285 --> 01:19:51.411
- Turn out the lights.
- What?

1455
01:19:51.486 --> 01:19:52.578
- They could be watching us.
- Who?

1456
01:19:52.921 --> 01:19:55.446
I found some big information, okay?

1457
01:19:55.524 --> 01:19:58.652
- About what?
- Some scary shit, Terry. This is big.

1458
01:19:58.960 --> 01:20:01.758
How'd you get in here?
This place is foolproof.

1459
01:20:01.830 --> 01:20:04.298
- We can't be too careful.
- What are you talking about?

1460
01:20:04.366 --> 01:20:07.529
- This place might be bugged.
- There's no bugs in here.

1461
01:20:11.807 --> 01:20:14.799
First off, I missed you.

1462
01:20:14.876 --> 01:20:17.674
- What's going on?
- Did you hear what I said?

1463
01:20:17.779 --> 01:20:21.772
- Fine, I kind of missed you, too.
- Thank you.

1464
01:20:21.850 --> 01:20:26.150
Okay. I found out whose losses
Ershon has to cover.

1465
01:20:26.221 --> 01:20:28.519
- It's Lendl Global.
- What?

1466
01:20:28.623 --> 01:20:31.148
Lendl staged the Castien robbery
as a distraction

1467
01:20:31.226 --> 01:20:34.218
so they could break into
their own accounting firm next door.

1468
01:20:34.329 --> 01:20:37.526
They then altered all the records
to cover the losses

1469
01:20:37.632 --> 01:20:40.396
that Ershon had cost them
through all of his bad investments.

1470
01:20:40.635 --> 01:20:43.968
You're not supposed to be doing this.
You're supposed to be walking the beat.

1471
01:20:44.039 --> 01:20:46.633
I know. Pretty tricky, though, huh?

1472
01:20:47.142 --> 01:20:49.167
This is bad, Allen. This is bad.

1473
01:20:49.244 --> 01:20:51.712
No wonder the captain wanted us
to stay out of this.

1474
01:20:51.813 --> 01:20:53.906
Yeah, I bet
Beaman started asking questions.

1475
01:20:54.015 --> 01:20:55.983
- That's why they killed him.
- Man.

1476
01:20:56.051 --> 01:20:57.211
Here's the other thing.

1477
01:20:57.319 --> 01:20:59.310
Tomorrow, there's a massive
business deal going down.

1478
01:20:59.521 --> 01:21:00.886
Ershon's leading it.

1479
01:21:00.989 --> 01:21:03.856
I still can't figure out who the poor sucker is
they're making the deal with,

1480
01:21:03.925 --> 01:21:05.085
but we gotta stop it.

1481
01:21:05.193 --> 01:21:06.854
It's time to let the peacock fly.

1482
01:21:07.896 --> 01:21:09.761
I'm not going, Allen. I like what I do.

1483
01:21:10.198 --> 01:21:12.325
So do I. We're cops.

1484
01:21:12.400 --> 01:21:16.928
No. I like what I do now.
I like working traffic. It's a great gig.

1485
01:21:17.038 --> 01:21:18.062
What?

1486
01:21:18.673 --> 01:21:22.439
I like working traffic. I'm not going with you.

1487
01:21:22.544 --> 01:21:25.035
What is this traffic bullshit?

1488
01:21:28.850 --> 01:21:32.377
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about my life.

1489
01:21:32.454 --> 01:21:35.184
The corner I run on 54th and 3rd Avenue?
It hums.

1490
01:21:35.257 --> 01:21:38.954
It's Terry's intersection.
And the traffic guys? They're good guys.

1491
01:21:39.060 --> 01:21:42.086
There's this one guy, Phillip?
He can pee in the urinal from 20 feet.

1492
01:21:42.197 --> 01:21:43.357
You've gotta see it, Allen. You've got to.

1493
01:21:43.431 --> 01:21:46.059
What happened to you?
What happened to this being our time?

1494
01:21:46.368 --> 01:21:48.529
No way, Allen. I'm out. I'm done.

1495
01:21:49.771 --> 01:21:52.638
- Get in the car.
- Come on, Allen. We both know it's wooden.

1496
01:21:54.209 --> 01:21:58.043
- Apartment pop. Now get in the car.
- You're not gonna shoot me.

1497
01:21:58.113 --> 01:22:00.638
Okay, I'll be honest. This is only
the second time I've ever fired this.

1498
01:22:00.882 --> 01:22:02.076
So stop pointing it at me.

1499
01:22:02.150 --> 01:22:06.211
Look, tomorrow morning,
all I know is I'm going to Mauch, all right?

1500
01:22:06.454 --> 01:22:07.614
For what? He doesn't care.

1501
01:22:07.722 --> 01:22:10.885
He's been dodging this case for too long
and I want answers.

1502
01:22:10.959 --> 01:22:13.223
I want him to look me in the eye
and tell me why.

1503
01:22:13.295 --> 01:22:16.093
Turn on the news, man. Nobody cares.

1504
01:22:16.765 --> 01:22:18.130
I hope I'm not alone.

1505
01:22:18.934 --> 01:22:21.459
Hope you bring it.

1506
01:22:23.171 --> 01:22:25.298
We got a big day out there. Big one.

1507
01:22:25.407 --> 01:22:27.898
We got a full moon.
People are gonna be amped, all right?

1508
01:22:28.276 --> 01:22:30.767
Let's see what we got on hot tips, all right?

1509
01:22:32.314 --> 01:22:33.406
The new bathmats are in.

1510
01:22:36.251 --> 01:22:40.449
One more thing.
We got a serial rapist in Crown Heights.

1511
01:22:40.522 --> 01:22:44.014
Jeez, I'm sorry. That's from my other job.
Ignore that. Forget that.

1512
01:22:44.125 --> 01:22:45.285
Well, don't ignore it.

1513
01:22:45.360 --> 01:22:48.591
If you live in Crown Heights,
you know, walk in pairs.

1514
01:22:48.663 --> 01:22:52.997
<i>Gene Mauch to kitchen accessories.</i>
<i>Gene Mauch to kitchen accessories.</i>

1515
01:22:53.101 --> 01:22:56.696
I gotta go. Go get 'em.
Let's be careful out there.

1516
01:22:58.773 --> 01:22:59.933
The oak.

1517
01:23:00.008 --> 01:23:03.535
I like to keep the oak together
and the maple separately, okay?

1518
01:23:03.645 --> 01:23:04.703
And these chopping boards?

1519
01:23:04.980 --> 01:23:06.038
Hey, Captain.

1520
01:23:07.482 --> 01:23:10.007
Hey, Allen. Hey, how you doing?

1521
01:23:10.118 --> 01:23:11.881
What are you doing here?
Are you here for the bathmats?

1522
01:23:12.387 --> 01:23:16.050
- I need you to be straight with me.
- Straight with us.

1523
01:23:16.157 --> 01:23:18.853
Hey, Terry. Look at this.

1524
01:23:18.960 --> 01:23:22.623
- I thought you were working traffic today.
- Let them block the box.

1525
01:23:23.031 --> 01:23:26.489
- Besides, partners<i>'</i> code, right?
- Thanks.

1526
01:23:28.036 --> 01:23:30.630
Hey, why have you worked your ass off
trying to kill this case?

1527
01:23:32.073 --> 01:23:35.167
All right, fine.
I'm gonna tell you guys something.

1528
01:23:35.243 --> 01:23:38.542
You really went into deep water on this one.
You really went in deep.

1529
01:23:38.646 --> 01:23:40.580
Ershon's connected to all the higher ups,

1530
01:23:40.682 --> 01:23:43.549
and I gotta save
what little ass I have left, okay?

1531
01:23:44.185 --> 01:23:46.346
You keep hiding from shit in the world,

1532
01:23:46.421 --> 01:23:48.685
and eventually the world
comes to your front door.

1533
01:23:49.157 --> 01:23:51.387
- Nice.
- That's very nice.

1534
01:23:51.493 --> 01:23:53.051
I heard it in an episode
of <i>Touched By An Angel.</i>

1535
01:23:53.595 --> 01:23:57.588
You keep this thing real quiet,
and you make sure you have real evidence,

1536
01:23:57.699 --> 01:23:59.257
and maybe I'll see what I can do.

1537
01:23:59.367 --> 01:24:00.561
But if you make a lot of noise

1538
01:24:00.668 --> 01:24:03.831
and you attract the media attention,
and you bring the DA in on this,

1539
01:24:03.905 --> 01:24:05.429
I am out, okay?

1540
01:24:05.573 --> 01:24:06.870
Yeah, we'll go in there like church mice.

1541
01:24:06.941 --> 01:24:11.344
But there's one case,
one case in a career where you go all in.

1542
01:24:11.413 --> 01:24:12.539
This is it.

1543
01:24:13.114 --> 01:24:16.447
All right. Then you do us proud.

1544
01:24:16.951 --> 01:24:18.248
'Cause I don't want no scrubs.

1545
01:24:18.953 --> 01:24:21.513
- Really?
- No.

1546
01:24:21.589 --> 01:24:24.922
- You're not aware that's a TLC song?
- I have no idea what you're talking about.

1547
01:24:25.193 --> 01:24:26.592
- Second time.
- You said chasing waterfalls,

1548
01:24:26.694 --> 01:24:27.854
now you're saying you don't want no scrubs.

1549
01:24:27.929 --> 01:24:29.726
- I don't even understand the reference.
- It's like a tic.

1550
01:24:29.798 --> 01:24:30.924
I have no idea what you're talking about.

1551
01:24:31.032 --> 01:24:33.296
Remember, this thing gets messy,
we never talked.

1552
01:24:33.735 --> 01:24:35.430
- You can trust us.
- Real quiet.

1553
01:24:35.537 --> 01:24:37.801
You gotta creep. Creep.

1554
01:24:38.073 --> 01:24:39.370
Come on.

1555
01:24:40.308 --> 01:24:42.799
You don't say "Creep-creep"
unless you're quoting TLC.

1556
01:24:43.078 --> 01:24:44.443
Hey, guys.

1557
01:24:45.413 --> 01:24:47.278
You know Danson and Highsmith
were not good cops, right?

1558
01:24:47.949 --> 01:24:49.746
Yeah, I guess we kind of knew that,
but it's a drag.

1559
01:24:49.818 --> 01:24:51.718
I mean, at a certain point,
who's left to be a hero?

1560
01:24:52.053 --> 01:24:55.216
Not to be corny, maybe it's you guys.

1561
01:24:56.658 --> 01:24:58.216
You ready?

1562
01:24:58.293 --> 01:24:59.954
- Yeah.
- Let's go.

1563
01:25:08.470 --> 01:25:10.836
- No, but the highlights are great.
- Thank you.

1564
01:25:10.939 --> 01:25:12.998
- Sexy but serious.
- Thank you.

1565
01:25:13.108 --> 01:25:14.473
Excuse me.

1566
01:25:15.477 --> 01:25:18.139
Who the hell are all these people?
I was only expecting one man.

1567
01:25:18.246 --> 01:25:22.740
You know, they're just some people
I owe money to who wanted to be here.

1568
01:25:22.817 --> 01:25:23.909
Who are they?

1569
01:25:25.420 --> 01:25:30.119
Well, they are some Chechen patriots,
entrepreneurs.

1570
01:25:30.191 --> 01:25:36.027
And the black chaps
are some businessmen from Nigeria.

1571
01:25:36.131 --> 01:25:38.326
You owe money
to the Nigerians and Chechens?

1572
01:25:38.433 --> 01:25:39.923
Yes. Yes, I do.

1573
01:25:40.001 --> 01:25:43.164
- You're a piece of work.
- Thank you.

1574
01:25:43.338 --> 01:25:46.705
Probably best to get started.

1575
01:25:47.142 --> 01:25:50.600
This is good, baby.
We're in the game, we know the score.

1576
01:25:50.678 --> 01:25:53.613
The only thing that bugs me is
we still don't know who Ershon's targeting.

1577
01:25:53.681 --> 01:25:57.777
- Is it the lotto? Who is it?
- Who cares? Some rich prick.

1578
01:25:57.852 --> 01:26:03.813
I have to tell you,
I am tremendously excited by this deal.

1579
01:26:03.892 --> 01:26:06.360
And I can assure you
that every dime of your money

1580
01:26:06.461 --> 01:26:09.487
will be invested with the utmost diligence.

1581
01:26:09.564 --> 01:26:11.532
Your rates of return are really exciting.

1582
01:26:11.633 --> 01:26:13.157
We think our members
are gonna be just thrilled.

1583
01:26:13.234 --> 01:26:17.068
Yeah. I mean, we've averaged,
like, 18% over the last 10 years.

1584
01:26:18.173 --> 01:26:20.368
All right.
Quiet as a church mouse, in and out.

1585
01:26:20.475 --> 01:26:22.705
I can feel that tingling in my balls
you were talking about.

1586
01:26:22.810 --> 01:26:23.868
Beautiful.

1587
01:26:23.978 --> 01:26:25.377
All right, listen up.

1588
01:26:25.480 --> 01:26:28.381
I am Detective Gamble.
This is Detective Hoitz.

1589
01:26:28.483 --> 01:26:30.644
We need your cooperation.

1590
01:26:30.718 --> 01:26:32.185
David Ershon.

1591
01:26:32.253 --> 01:26:34.585
You're under arrest for fraud, embezzlement,

1592
01:26:34.689 --> 01:26:36.384
and in connection
to the murder of Don Beaman.

1593
01:26:36.891 --> 01:26:38.324
This is a bad idea.

1594
01:26:38.826 --> 01:26:40.191
Hey, guys.

1595
01:26:41.763 --> 01:26:44.231
Bob? What are you doing here?

1596
01:26:44.699 --> 01:26:46.030
I'm investing.

1597
01:26:46.100 --> 01:26:48.534
Do you remember we talked about
that proxy vote a while back?

1598
01:26:48.603 --> 01:26:50.230
- This is what it was for.
- Holy shit.

1599
01:26:50.338 --> 01:26:52.863
It's a more aggressive investment strategy
for the pension.

1600
01:26:52.941 --> 01:26:57.173
Allen! We're the suckers.
They're targeting the police pension fund.

1601
01:27:03.518 --> 01:27:07.147
Gentlemen, you're here illegally
and without a warrant.

1602
01:27:08.056 --> 01:27:09.523
We are within our rights to take action.

1603
01:28:07.915 --> 01:28:09.712
So much for quiet as church mice!

1604
01:28:10.285 --> 01:28:11.377
Go!

1605
01:28:16.524 --> 01:28:17.889
Who the hell are those guys?

1606
01:28:17.959 --> 01:28:21.019
Gentlemen, I can get you
obstructed view tickets for <i>Rock of Ages.</i>

1607
01:28:21.095 --> 01:28:25.054
Even I admit that's not very tempting,
but I'm not made of tickets, God damn it!

1608
01:28:25.133 --> 01:28:27.101
- Get in the front!
- How do you start this freaking thing?

1609
01:28:27.368 --> 01:28:28.357
Go on! Go!

1610
01:28:29.103 --> 01:28:30.092
- Shit!
- Go!

1611
01:28:32.573 --> 01:28:33.562
Oh, my...

1612
01:28:34.976 --> 01:28:37.843
Jeanie! Get over here!
You, go get the bloody car!

1613
01:29:24.425 --> 01:29:25.414
Hold the wheel!

1614
01:29:31.132 --> 01:29:33.498
- Open the back!
- I got it. I got it!

1615
01:29:41.509 --> 01:29:44.444
They're gonna kill me.
And then they will kill you.

1616
01:29:44.545 --> 01:29:46.945
- Well, I'm gonna kill you first!
- And then they will kill me.

1617
01:29:47.048 --> 01:29:50.074
<i>We have two rogue police officers.</i>
<i>They are armed and dangerous,</i>

1618
01:29:50.184 --> 01:29:51.845
<i>- and holding David Ershon hostage.</i>
- Stupid pricks!

1619
01:29:51.919 --> 01:29:55.411
- It's us, we're good guys!
- Exactly. They're the good guys.

1620
01:29:55.523 --> 01:29:57.684
Where do we go? Where do we go?

1621
01:29:57.759 --> 01:30:00.421
I have a small apartment.
No one knows about it.

1622
01:30:00.528 --> 01:30:03.224
I use it mainly for my parents
and prostitutes.

1623
01:30:03.297 --> 01:30:05.390
Not at the same time. That would be wrong.

1624
01:30:08.636 --> 01:30:11.332
Let's hear it from the top, every detail.

1625
01:30:11.906 --> 01:30:16.536
I think the best way to tell the story
is by starting at the end, briefly,

1626
01:30:16.611 --> 01:30:21.605
then going back to the beginning,
and then periodically returning to the end,

1627
01:30:21.716 --> 01:30:24.776
maybe giving different characters<i>'</i>
perspectives throughout.

1628
01:30:24.886 --> 01:30:28.185
Just to give it a bit of dynamism,
otherwise, it's just sort of a linear story.

1629
01:30:28.256 --> 01:30:29.416
Just tell us what happened.

1630
01:30:29.524 --> 01:30:32.254
I lost a bunch of money from some people
and now they want it back.

1631
01:30:32.593 --> 01:30:33.890
What about Don Beaman?

1632
01:30:33.961 --> 01:30:36.452
Beaman knew
that I had falsified my financials,

1633
01:30:36.564 --> 01:30:38.862
so they sent down Wesley
to try and keep him quiet.

1634
01:30:39.567 --> 01:30:41.432
He forced him at gunpoint
to drink a bunch of gin

1635
01:30:41.536 --> 01:30:43.561
and then forced him onto the ledge.

1636
01:30:43.638 --> 01:30:45.367
It was only a matter of time before he fell.

1637
01:30:45.440 --> 01:30:48.876
At least we stopped you
from getting the pension fund.

1638
01:30:48.943 --> 01:30:52.208
Well, but, yeah, but you didn't.
It's already in my account.

1639
01:30:52.280 --> 01:30:54.874
By 9:00 in the morning,
it goes into the Lendl equity fund

1640
01:30:54.949 --> 01:30:57.645
and from there it's transferred
to a dozen offshore accounts.

1641
01:30:57.752 --> 01:30:59.276
By 9:01, it's gone.

1642
01:30:59.387 --> 01:31:02.379
- Well, what if we stop the transfer?
- But you can't. I mean, there's a...

1643
01:31:02.457 --> 01:31:04.925
What if we stop the transfer?

1644
01:31:04.992 --> 01:31:07.893
You'd have to be at Endemic Bank
for 9:00 exactly,

1645
01:31:07.962 --> 01:31:10.430
find the clerk,
get the routing number.

1646
01:31:10.498 --> 01:31:11.556
We gotta stop it.

1647
01:31:11.632 --> 01:31:12.826
There's no way.

1648
01:31:12.934 --> 01:31:16.563
Every cop, the crazy Australian and his crew,
they'll all be after us.

1649
01:31:16.637 --> 01:31:20.733
You could let me go,
and I'll give you $10 million each.

1650
01:31:21.342 --> 01:31:24.402
- It's not a bribe.
- Of course it's a bribe.

1651
01:31:24.479 --> 01:31:26.606
You're offering to pay us money
to not do our job.

1652
01:31:28.683 --> 01:31:29.945
It's not a bribe.

1653
01:31:30.585 --> 01:31:32.985
We hang low here tonight.
Nobody knows about this place.

1654
01:31:33.087 --> 01:31:34.816
We'll be safe. And tomorrow, we hit it.

1655
01:31:35.590 --> 01:31:37.114
First things first, I gotta go see Sheila.

1656
01:31:37.191 --> 01:31:38.590
No way, it's too dangerous.

1657
01:31:38.693 --> 01:31:40.991
Look, Terry, we don't know
what's gonna happen to us tomorrow,

1658
01:31:41.095 --> 01:31:44.622
but tonight,
I need to make things right with Sheila.

1659
01:31:45.132 --> 01:31:47.032
All right, go. Go. Be careful.

1660
01:31:47.502 --> 01:31:49.129
Thanks, I will.

1661
01:31:49.971 --> 01:31:51.199
Will you say hi to Sheila for me?

1662
01:31:51.372 --> 01:31:53.135
- Okay.
- Okay.

1663
01:31:53.207 --> 01:31:56.176
Tell her. Say Terry was asking about you.

1664
01:31:56.277 --> 01:31:57.710
He wants to make sure you know

1665
01:31:57.812 --> 01:32:00.178
that he'll be there for you
if anything happens.

1666
01:32:00.281 --> 01:32:02.340
- Yeah.
- Drop of a hat, I'm there.

1667
01:32:02.550 --> 01:32:04.541
Look, it's starting to get a little weird, man.

1668
01:32:04.652 --> 01:32:07.553
If something happens to you,
I need to be there to take care of her.

1669
01:32:07.655 --> 01:32:10.556
All of her wants, her needs,
and desires are now my responsibility.

1670
01:32:10.658 --> 01:32:12.819
Why do you say it
like it's a predetermined thing?

1671
01:32:13.027 --> 01:32:14.392
Just go, man.

1672
01:32:15.129 --> 01:32:16.619
Okay. Thanks.

1673
01:32:17.565 --> 01:32:18.657
Go.

1674
01:32:22.637 --> 01:32:23.797
Janeco Gallery.

1675
01:32:24.739 --> 01:32:26.832
Francine, it's Terry. Please don't hang up.

1676
01:32:37.552 --> 01:32:38.712
Please pick up.

1677
01:32:39.587 --> 01:32:40.747
Hello.

1678
01:32:40.855 --> 01:32:44.018
<i>Hey, sweetie.</i>
<i>I was praying you'd be at your mom's house.</i>

1679
01:32:44.091 --> 01:32:47.356
You know what, I can't talk anymore.
I think the phone's being tapped.

1680
01:32:47.595 --> 01:32:50.086
Baby, where are you? I wanna see you.

1681
01:32:50.197 --> 01:32:52.358
I'm near the place where we did it
three Halloweens ago.

1682
01:32:52.433 --> 01:32:53.491
Do you remember?

1683
01:32:54.435 --> 01:32:55.834
Okay, yeah, I got it.

1684
01:32:55.903 --> 01:32:59.532
I'm just warning you, though. Watch out.
I think they're watching the house.

1685
01:32:59.607 --> 01:33:02.201
<i>Don't worry, sweetie.</i>
<i>I think I have a way of talking to you.</i>

1686
01:33:02.743 --> 01:33:06.679
I have to admit, I wasn't gonna come.
I mean...

1687
01:33:07.848 --> 01:33:11.284
After all those years,
after the restraining order.

1688
01:33:11.385 --> 01:33:14.752
I was worried I might not see you again.

1689
01:33:14.855 --> 01:33:16.447
There's some
very dangerous people after him,

1690
01:33:16.557 --> 01:33:17.581
and now they're after us.

1691
01:33:20.795 --> 01:33:22.194
It's just the old lady.

1692
01:33:27.768 --> 01:33:29.201
Hello, Allen.

1693
01:33:29.270 --> 01:33:31.864
Hello, Mama Ramos.
What are you doing out here?

1694
01:33:31.939 --> 01:33:35.033
Sheila said she doesn't know what happened
and she wants you back.

1695
01:33:36.377 --> 01:33:38.242
- She also says...
- Yes.

1696
01:33:38.312 --> 01:33:42.146
...she wants you on top of her,
holding her hair,

1697
01:33:42.249 --> 01:33:44.274
and riding her like a bucking bronco

1698
01:33:44.919 --> 01:33:48.548
while she sucks your thumb and says,
"Mommy likey."

1699
01:33:49.390 --> 01:33:50.948
You, you tell your daughter...

1700
01:33:51.325 --> 01:33:53.759
He said he'll always love you.

1701
01:33:53.828 --> 01:33:56.490
And he's so happy
that you're having his child.

1702
01:33:56.597 --> 01:33:57.757
Allen.

1703
01:33:57.832 --> 01:33:59.663
He also says that

1704
01:33:59.767 --> 01:34:03.794
he wants you to stare into each other's eyes
without blinking while you do it.

1705
01:34:04.438 --> 01:34:06.963
- I love when we do that, Mom.
- And then afterward,

1706
01:34:07.041 --> 01:34:09.009
lick the sex off each other.

1707
01:34:10.878 --> 01:34:12.778
I don't wanna do this.

1708
01:34:14.181 --> 01:34:17.582
- You say things that are too personal.
- Okay, but just one more thing.

1709
01:34:17.918 --> 01:34:19.852
She said she loves you,

1710
01:34:19.920 --> 01:34:23.014
and wants to hold your hand
and have iced tea with you.

1711
01:34:23.691 --> 01:34:26.216
Come on. That's not all she said.

1712
01:34:26.694 --> 01:34:27.888
No.

1713
01:34:28.963 --> 01:34:32.558
- She says other things, but I don't want...
- Please, please, please.

1714
01:34:32.633 --> 01:34:34.897
You don't realize, I may be killed tomorrow.

1715
01:34:35.369 --> 01:34:36.563
Okay.

1716
01:34:39.106 --> 01:34:43.975
She says she wants to unplug all the clocks
and the phones

1717
01:34:44.045 --> 01:34:47.276
- and have a three-day F marathon.
- That's more like it. Yeah.

1718
01:34:47.581 --> 01:34:52.712
She wants to walk wrong for a week
because you guys F'd so hard.

1719
01:34:52.787 --> 01:34:54.015
That's just lovely.

1720
01:34:54.422 --> 01:34:58.051
No more! He says things I can't say.

1721
01:34:58.125 --> 01:35:03.893
It involves a mannequin hand
and an electric shaver taped to a golf club.

1722
01:35:12.440 --> 01:35:13.498
Now what'd she say?

1723
01:35:15.976 --> 01:35:17.739
She says she loves you.

1724
01:35:23.984 --> 01:35:26.316
I'm so sorry about everything.

1725
01:35:29.457 --> 01:35:32.626
And I just had to come here tonight
to tell you that I love you.

1726
01:35:32.626 --> 01:35:35.595
And the reason why I act like
you're a plain wife is that

1727
01:35:37.264 --> 01:35:41.325
I'm afraid that if I admit to how stunning

1728
01:35:41.435 --> 01:35:44.233
and intelligent and wonderful you are,

1729
01:35:45.106 --> 01:35:48.940
- I'd just lose you.
- Shut up, Allen. I love you.

1730
01:35:49.443 --> 01:35:52.241
We have a place that's safe. All right.

1731
01:36:04.792 --> 01:36:06.020
I'm gonna break your hip.

1732
01:36:14.802 --> 01:36:17.100
I'm about to do you grandpa-style.

1733
01:36:32.520 --> 01:36:34.147
I brought some music.

1734
01:36:38.659 --> 01:36:40.650
Not what I would've chosen, but screw it.

1735
01:36:40.728 --> 01:36:43.993
All right. Let's go, Monday morning,
time to go to work.

1736
01:36:44.064 --> 01:36:45.190
Let's do it.

1737
01:36:45.299 --> 01:36:47.028
- You want my gate code?
- Shut up, man!

1738
01:36:54.575 --> 01:36:55.667
That's Wesley!

1739
01:37:06.720 --> 01:37:07.812
Yes!

1740
01:37:10.224 --> 01:37:12.749
- Where'd you learn to drive like that?
<i>- Grand Theft Auto!</i>

1741
01:37:15.696 --> 01:37:16.924
Shit, Allen, they're coming.

1742
01:37:19.834 --> 01:37:22.394
- Oh, my God!
- Shit.

1743
01:37:23.671 --> 01:37:25.366
- Do something, Allen!
- Hold on, hold on.

1744
01:37:46.861 --> 01:37:48.658
Someone's been playing <i>Grand Theft Auto.</i>

1745
01:37:50.431 --> 01:37:51.762
I did that!

1746
01:37:51.866 --> 01:37:53.527
- I did that!
- Oh, my God!

1747
01:37:53.601 --> 01:37:55.899
- That's what I'm talking about!
- We jackknifed them!

1748
01:37:55.970 --> 01:37:58.461
Did you see that? It went backwards
and then turned upside-down.

1749
01:37:58.572 --> 01:38:02.133
Gator turns vans upside-down like
they're in a crazy washing machine!

1750
01:38:02.243 --> 01:38:04.177
Why are you calling yourself Gator?

1751
01:38:04.745 --> 01:38:07.509
It's a nickname I had in college.
I used to run a dating service.

1752
01:38:07.581 --> 01:38:10.778
- He was a pimp.
- Yeah, I was. I was a pimp.

1753
01:38:10.918 --> 01:38:13.386
Is it me or does it smell
like deer vagina in here?

1754
01:38:14.421 --> 01:38:15.547
My poor car.

1755
01:38:15.890 --> 01:38:18.358
Right now the streets are a bloodbath.

1756
01:38:18.459 --> 01:38:21.553
And, statistically speaking,
there's about 30 kids in here,

1757
01:38:21.662 --> 01:38:23.653
10 of you are gonna be dead
before your next birthday.

1758
01:38:23.964 --> 01:38:27.024
Got a couple of tips,
help you guys stay out of jail.

1759
01:38:27.134 --> 01:38:31.366
One, try your hardest
to not be black or Hispanic.

1760
01:38:31.472 --> 01:38:33.702
- It's a good tip.
- Yeah. Two...

1761
01:38:33.807 --> 01:38:35.104
<i>Gentlemen, we got a hot one.</i>

1762
01:38:35.175 --> 01:38:38.804
<i>Hoitz and Gamble have Ershon hostage,</i>
<i>high-speed car chase in progress.</i>

1763
01:38:38.879 --> 01:38:40.847
Yes! Gun, gun!

1764
01:38:40.948 --> 01:38:42.882
Pass up the guns. Pass them up.
Let's go, people.

1765
01:38:42.983 --> 01:38:44.610
There we go. Anything, any Tasers? No?

1766
01:38:44.685 --> 01:38:46.118
Good. Who wants to go on a ride-along?

1767
01:38:46.186 --> 01:38:47.653
I do!

1768
01:38:48.155 --> 01:38:49.520
All right, you, sweetie.
Come on, let's go. Move.

1769
01:38:49.623 --> 01:38:50.817
- Move! Let's go.
- Come on!

1770
01:39:01.368 --> 01:39:04.235
Cool, a helicopter!
Must be covering the high-speed chase.

1771
01:39:09.510 --> 01:39:10.875
Jesus!

1772
01:39:15.716 --> 01:39:18.514
- Who are those guys?
- They're Chechen investors.

1773
01:39:18.585 --> 01:39:21.645
We were gonna do a Chechen version
of <i>Dora the Explorer.</i>

1774
01:39:21.722 --> 01:39:23.314
Anyway, it went terribly wrong.

1775
01:39:26.493 --> 01:39:28.688
I feel like it's not fair
that they have a helicopter!

1776
01:39:29.697 --> 01:39:30.755
Oh, no.

1777
01:39:32.166 --> 01:39:33.224
Damn it.

1778
01:39:37.104 --> 01:39:39.572
Watch your head. God, your hair is soft.

1779
01:39:39.673 --> 01:39:41.106
V05 Hot Oil.

1780
01:39:44.445 --> 01:39:46.743
You're gonna wreck!
There's cars coming from both directions!

1781
01:39:46.847 --> 01:39:47.939
I'm not gonna wreck!

1782
01:39:49.917 --> 01:39:51.680
- I'm gonna wreck! You're right!
- You want me to drive?

1783
01:40:11.705 --> 01:40:14.367
- This was a very clever idea.
- Yeah.

1784
01:40:26.453 --> 01:40:27.750
They're gone.

1785
01:40:29.156 --> 01:40:30.248
Let's go.

1786
01:40:42.569 --> 01:40:46.005
They are Nigerians.
Yeah, I'd forgotten about them.

1787
01:40:53.881 --> 01:40:55.109
- This is a shortcut.
- Are you kidding me?

1788
01:40:55.182 --> 01:40:56.410
You cannot go down there.

1789
01:41:04.324 --> 01:41:05.814
What are you doing?

1790
01:41:12.032 --> 01:41:13.124
Hit him!

1791
01:41:20.841 --> 01:41:22.206
- Where are we?
- Chelsea Pier.

1792
01:41:28.682 --> 01:41:29.774
What the hell?

1793
01:41:31.118 --> 01:41:32.176
Jesus!

1794
01:41:39.560 --> 01:41:41.391
Them having a helicopter
is definitely cheating.

1795
01:41:42.162 --> 01:41:43.220
Go!

1796
01:41:48.368 --> 01:41:49.460
Come on!

1797
01:41:51.338 --> 01:41:52.896
We're cops! Hit the chopper!

1798
01:42:15.829 --> 01:42:18.696
This is Martin and Fosse, en route.
Back off! This is our collar!

1799
01:42:20.534 --> 01:42:23.196
Set up a perimeter.
No arrests until we get there!

1800
01:42:23.504 --> 01:42:24.562
Take the light!

1801
01:42:44.758 --> 01:42:46.282
Do not authorize that transfer.

1802
01:42:46.393 --> 01:42:47.951
This is David Ershon. The transfer is for him.

1803
01:42:48.061 --> 01:42:50.461
He will tell you not to authorize it, okay?
Tell him.

1804
01:42:50.564 --> 01:42:53.192
- Tell him!
- Yeah, do as they say. Stop the transfer.

1805
01:42:53.267 --> 01:42:54.234
Approve it.

1806
01:42:55.802 --> 01:42:56.894
Now.

1807
01:42:56.970 --> 01:42:58.562
Do not touch anything!

1808
01:42:58.972 --> 01:43:01.236
I swear to God
I'll blow your head all over this desk.

1809
01:43:01.308 --> 01:43:03.742
Not a person in this room believes
you'll shoot this clerk.

1810
01:43:03.810 --> 01:43:04.902
Yeah?

1811
01:43:06.280 --> 01:43:09.772
Thank you so much, gentlemen,
for the prompt delivery of Mr. Ershon.

1812
01:43:09.883 --> 01:43:13.284
I have two competing bids
from jilted investors.

1813
01:43:13.987 --> 01:43:16.217
They're at 30 million, and holding.

1814
01:43:16.924 --> 01:43:18.892
- Wait! Can't you let me...
- Take him away.

1815
01:43:19.459 --> 01:43:20.983
But computers.

1816
01:43:23.163 --> 01:43:26.564
What if, one day, they were in charge?

1817
01:43:28.135 --> 01:43:32.231
Now if you don't shut up,
I will cut your ear off with a butter knife.

1818
01:43:32.306 --> 01:43:34.399
That's blunt. Blunt's worse than if it's sharp.

1819
01:43:34.474 --> 01:43:35.736
Now!

1820
01:43:42.783 --> 01:43:43.943
You just stood there!

1821
01:43:44.051 --> 01:43:46.815
I didn't know that "now" meant that.
How am I supposed to know that?

1822
01:43:46.920 --> 01:43:48.785
- I knew what that meant.
- Shut up.

1823
01:43:48.889 --> 01:43:51.915
You kill us and you kill Ershon.
You're out 30 million dollars.

1824
01:43:51.992 --> 01:43:54.085
- Who's got the golden goose now, huh?
- Yeah.

1825
01:43:58.131 --> 01:43:59.723
Shit!

1826
01:44:00.400 --> 01:44:02.561
He's still valuable with a bullet wound, mate.

1827
01:44:02.636 --> 01:44:04.501
He immediately called your bluff.

1828
01:44:04.605 --> 01:44:06.436
Get up. And kill the police.

1829
01:44:06.506 --> 01:44:07.973
I just wanna make sure I get it right.

1830
01:44:08.075 --> 01:44:11.476
Did you want this transfer approved
or not approved?

1831
01:44:11.945 --> 01:44:14.311
You, mate, I'm gonna kill just for fun.

1832
01:44:15.849 --> 01:44:18.647
Police, don't move! Drop your weapons!

1833
01:44:18.752 --> 01:44:21.687
Drop it, or be dropped, homeboy!

1834
01:44:21.755 --> 01:44:24.690
I hope you like the taste
of prison food and penis.

1835
01:44:24.791 --> 01:44:27.555
- Police! Down on the ground!
- Let me see your hands!

1836
01:44:35.369 --> 01:44:37.735
- Hey, hey, you okay?
- Hey.

1837
01:44:38.639 --> 01:44:41.005
Hey, Gene. Captain. I'm sorry.

1838
01:44:41.308 --> 01:44:43.003
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay. Don't worry about it.

1839
01:44:43.076 --> 01:44:44.475
You can call me Gene
when we're not in the office.

1840
01:44:45.045 --> 01:44:47.172
Okay. Thanks for coming by.

1841
01:44:47.247 --> 01:44:49.340
Attaboy.

1842
01:44:49.416 --> 01:44:51.475
Come on, stay with me. Stay with me.

1843
01:44:51.718 --> 01:44:54.312
We're losing him! We're losing him!
He's dying!

1844
01:44:55.055 --> 01:44:58.388
No. No, no, no, no. I'm just resting.
I'm just resting. I was just resting.

1845
01:44:58.492 --> 01:45:00.653
I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?

1846
01:45:00.727 --> 01:45:02.251
- Are you all right?
- Just resting.

1847
01:45:02.362 --> 01:45:03.761
Hey, let me tell you something.

1848
01:45:03.864 --> 01:45:06.697
As far as paperwork goes,
we'll take care of it.

1849
01:45:07.034 --> 01:45:08.592
- You know why?
- Why?

1850
01:45:08.702 --> 01:45:10.192
Ain't too proud to beg.

1851
01:45:10.837 --> 01:45:12.031
Come on.

1852
01:45:12.105 --> 01:45:13.936
- What?
- It's not funny anymore.

1853
01:45:14.041 --> 01:45:16.566
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- TLC references.

1854
01:45:16.677 --> 01:45:18.668
Still nothing. I swear to you.

1855
01:45:19.012 --> 01:45:24.348
I'm gonna go over and check on Terry.
I got a bad knee. Hold on. There you go.

1856
01:45:24.418 --> 01:45:27.216
<i>It was the king of the mutt cases,</i>

1857
01:45:27.287 --> 01:45:30.415
<i>but Allen and Terry had worked it like stars.</i>

1858
01:45:33.293 --> 01:45:36.421
<i>Within 24 hours of learning</i>
<i>about Ershon's scheme</i>

1859
01:45:36.530 --> 01:45:38.555
<i>and Lendl's massive losses,</i>

1860
01:45:38.632 --> 01:45:41.362
<i>the government issued TARP funds</i>
<i>to bail out Lendl.</i>

1861
01:45:41.435 --> 01:45:45.963
Lendl is in everything,
and we're gonna go everywhere...

1862
01:45:46.073 --> 01:45:47.404
<i>They were too big to fail.</i>

1863
01:45:47.974 --> 01:45:53.139
<i>Ershon now resides in Palomino</i>
<i>Federal Correctional Facility in Florida.</i>

1864
01:45:53.246 --> 01:45:56.306
<i>He still invests. Currency's just different.</i>

1865
01:45:57.384 --> 01:45:59.784
<i>Roger Wesley was linked</i>
<i>to the Beaman murder</i>

1866
01:45:59.886 --> 01:46:03.686
<i>by security cam footage</i>
<i>which Martin and Fosse hadn't checked.</i>

1867
01:46:03.757 --> 01:46:05.588
<i>It only showed the back of their heads.</i>

1868
01:46:05.692 --> 01:46:09.788
<i>But Allen's Faceback app</i>
<i>was able to get a match to their faces.</i>

1869
01:46:10.263 --> 01:46:12.128
<i>Terry married Francine.</i>

1870
01:46:12.232 --> 01:46:15.201
<i>He played harp at the reception</i>
<i>and it was beautiful.</i>

1871
01:46:15.268 --> 01:46:16.792
<i>He had learned how to play it</i>
<i>in the eighth grade</i>

1872
01:46:16.903 --> 01:46:20.270
<i>to make fun of the fairy</i>
<i>that lived up the street.</i>

1873
01:46:20.374 --> 01:46:23.866
<i>Terry asked Sheila to be his best man,</i>
<i>but she declined.</i>

1874
01:46:24.144 --> 01:46:28.376
<i>Let's be honest,</i>
<i>we all wanna be superstars and hotshots.</i>

1875
01:46:28.448 --> 01:46:29.676
<i>But guess what?</i>

1876
01:46:29.750 --> 01:46:33.242
<i>The people that do the real work,</i>
<i>the ones that make the difference,</i>

1877
01:46:33.520 --> 01:46:36.512
<i>you don't see them on TV</i>
<i>or on the front page.</i>

1878
01:46:37.157 --> 01:46:40.615
<i>I'm talking about the day-in,</i>
<i>day-outers, the grinders.</i>

1879
01:46:40.761 --> 01:46:43.889
<i>Come on, man, you know who</i>
<i>- The other guys.</i>

1880
01:46:43.964 --> 01:46:45.124
- See? That's a no-go.
- Hey, hey.

1881
01:46:45.899 --> 01:46:47.890
You think you broke this Ershon case open?

1882
01:46:48.301 --> 01:46:49.529
You did nothing.

1883
01:46:49.936 --> 01:46:51.528
Corporate lobbyists are spending millions

1884
01:46:51.605 --> 01:46:53.869
to make sure guys like Ershon
keep doing what they do.

1885
01:46:54.741 --> 01:46:55.730
Derek Jeter?

1886
01:46:57.144 --> 01:47:00.238
Yeah, it's me. You were set up
that night you shot me, Terry.

1887
01:47:00.547 --> 01:47:03.345
- I told you!
- They knew by putting someone like you

1888
01:47:03.417 --> 01:47:06.386
with a quick trigger finger next to that door
where I do my pre-game walk,

1889
01:47:06.553 --> 01:47:08.919
it'd end up bad. Bad for both of us.

1890
01:47:09.456 --> 01:47:11.549
Now, I've been doing my own investigation
on the banking industry,

1891
01:47:11.691 --> 01:47:13.750
and I was close. I was real close.

1892
01:47:14.161 --> 01:47:15.321
So I forgive you, Terry.

1893
01:47:15.896 --> 01:47:17.989
I appreciate that, man. I'm sorry about
what happened.

1894
01:47:18.765 --> 01:47:19.754
I'm glad you're doing better.

1895
01:47:20.233 --> 01:47:22.531
The whole damn system is clogged up
with dirty money.

1896
01:47:23.136 --> 01:47:26.367
And the news doesn't say a word about it.
'Cause who owns them?

1897
01:47:26.540 --> 01:47:28.974
The same corporations
that own the government.

1898
01:47:29.576 --> 01:47:31.271
Courts and the law is all we have left.

1899
01:47:32.612 --> 01:47:34.045
So here's you guys<i>'</i> next case.

1900
01:47:35.182 --> 01:47:38.083
Guy by the name of Carl Bachand,
CEO of Killister Bank.

1901
01:47:38.718 --> 01:47:42.552
He took three billion in TARP funds.
He's crooked. He's real crooked.

1902
01:47:43.089 --> 01:47:47.685
Take him down, but be careful.
He's got Blackwater mercenaries 24<i>l</i>7.

1903
01:47:48.728 --> 01:47:49.888
Thanks, Derek.

1904
01:47:51.198 --> 01:47:53.325
Hey, Derek! Wait!
What if we need to get in touch with you,

1905
01:47:53.400 --> 01:47:55.766
get some more information
or some tickets or something?

1906
01:47:56.503 --> 01:47:57.663
What just happened?

1907
01:48:00.507 --> 01:48:03.601
Goldman Sachs.
This case is gonna be nasty.

1908
01:48:06.279 --> 01:48:07.974
Hi. Cute glasses.

1909
01:48:08.982 --> 01:48:10.950
- What was that?
- What?

1910
01:48:11.017 --> 01:48:14.646
What? Dude, what is it with you
and hot ladies? What's your secret?

1911
01:48:14.721 --> 01:48:17.383
Honestly, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

1912
01:48:17.491 --> 01:48:19.516
Tell me who you lost your virginity to.

1913
01:48:19.626 --> 01:48:22.652
She actually became a TV actress.
Heather Locklear.

1914
01:48:22.729 --> 01:48:24.390
Heather Locklear, what?

1915
01:48:24.498 --> 01:48:26.125
- You've heard of her?
- Come on!

1916
01:48:26.199 --> 01:48:29.999
- She was much chubbier back then.
- I don't get it. I really, I don't get it.

1917
01:53:30.904 --> 01:53:32.565
That was you.
You don't have a sense of humor.

1918
01:53:32.672 --> 01:53:34.139
I do... I have a wonderful sense of humor.

1919
01:53:34.641 --> 01:53:36.199
If you say something funny, I'll laugh.

1920
01:53:36.276 --> 01:53:38.972
- All right, I'm gonna tell you a great joke.
- Please. I love jokes.

1921
01:53:39.112 --> 01:53:41.672
All right. Little boy on his 13th birthday.

1922
01:53:43.082 --> 01:53:46.210
- It's time to get laid.
- Already feels inappropriate.

1923
01:53:46.519 --> 01:53:48.282
So he goes to the lady at the whorehouse,
he goes, " Miss,

1924
01:53:48.655 --> 01:53:51.818
"look, I know usually you want money, but
I don't have any money and it's my birthday.

1925
01:53:52.158 --> 01:53:53.921
"Do you think I could have sex with you
for this duck?"

1926
01:53:54.460 --> 01:53:56.655
- Was he a farmer?
- No.

1927
01:53:56.863 --> 01:54:01.163
That's probably a Health Code violation,
bringing a duck into a place of prostitution.

1928
01:54:01.601 --> 01:54:03.159
They weren't gonna have sex with the duck!

1929
01:54:03.436 --> 01:54:05.199
No, I just mean Health Code violation

1930
01:54:05.271 --> 01:54:08.866
to have the duck brought into
a facility like that.

1931
01:54:10.376 --> 01:54:12.537
So, anyway, she says, "Yes, I'll do it."

1932
01:54:13.079 --> 01:54:15.513
So he goes in there, gives it to her.

1933
01:54:16.082 --> 01:54:19.245
- He gives her what?
- The high, hard one! She loves it.

1934
01:54:19.519 --> 01:54:22.511
She goes, "You know what? If you do that
again, I'll give you your duck back."

1935
01:54:22.856 --> 01:54:24.790
- It's like getting laid twice for free.
- So... I'm sorry.

1936
01:54:24.858 --> 01:54:25.984
I'm so sorry.

1937
01:54:26.292 --> 01:54:30.228
- The duck is payment for sexual intercourse.
- Yes. Yes.

1938
01:54:30.396 --> 01:54:31.556
- Very good.
- He used the duck as payment,

1939
01:54:31.631 --> 01:54:33.223
and now he's being paid back the duck.

1940
01:54:33.666 --> 01:54:36.760
He goes, "Oh, my God, this is
the greatest birthday ever." He does it again.

1941
01:54:37.070 --> 01:54:40.631
- Now he's walking home, right? Walking...
- So she was satisfied with duck.

1942
01:54:40.940 --> 01:54:42.931
- With a duck as currency...
- Yes.

1943
01:54:43.009 --> 01:54:45.477
...to her. Great. Good.

1944
01:54:45.812 --> 01:54:49.543
So he's walking home, now he can't wait
to get home to tell his father. Right?

1945
01:54:49.916 --> 01:54:52.077
He's walking down the street with the duck,
and all of a sudden, voom,

1946
01:54:52.151 --> 01:54:53.550
truck comes by and runs over his duck.

1947
01:54:53.653 --> 01:54:55.052
- Kills the duck?
- Killed the duck.

1948
01:54:55.121 --> 01:54:57.282
- So the duck is now dead.
- The duck is dead.

1949
01:54:57.757 --> 01:55:01.056
The kid starts crying, truck driver stops,
he's all upset, he didn't mean...

1950
01:55:01.227 --> 01:55:04.355
Of course he's crying! He's a 13-year-old boy
who's just had sex, twice,

1951
01:55:04.530 --> 01:55:07.988
- and he watched his beloved duck die.
- Will you shut up and let me tell the story?

1952
01:55:08.167 --> 01:55:10.067
So far, I don't know
how this is ever gonna be funny.

1953
01:55:10.370 --> 01:55:12.838
The guy feels so bad about killing the duck,
he gives him two dollars.

1954
01:55:13.206 --> 01:55:14.537
And the kid's happy with the two bucks?

1955
01:55:15.041 --> 01:55:18.499
He's ecstatic! He got laid twice,
and now he's got two dollars on top of it.

1956
01:55:18.578 --> 01:55:21.046
Seems like a duck would be worth
a lot more than two dollars.

1957
01:55:22.215 --> 01:55:23.739
This was a while back. You what I'm...

1958
01:55:24.150 --> 01:55:26.641
So he goes home, his dad goes,
"What happened? What happened?

1959
01:55:26.719 --> 01:55:30.177
"Tell me! Tell me!" He goes,
"Dad, I got a fuck for the duck,

1960
01:55:30.323 --> 01:55:31.847
"I got a duck for the fuck,

1961
01:55:31.925 --> 01:55:33.688
"and I got two bucks for a fucked-up duck!"

1962
01:55:36.763 --> 01:55:37.991
So it's like a limerick.

1963
01:55:39.198 --> 01:55:40.426
You didn't think that was funny?

1964
01:55:40.900 --> 01:55:42.765
I thought it was entertaining
at the end, sure,

1965
01:55:43.469 --> 01:55:45.232
the way all the words were put together,

1966
01:55:45.305 --> 01:55:46.863
but in terms of content?

1967
01:55:48.508 --> 01:55:49.600
No.

1968
01:55:52.812 --> 01:55:56.441
Get the check-check from Shen-Shen.
Let's get out of here.

1969
01:56:01.654 --> 01:56:05.852
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

1970
01:56:06.326 --> 01:56:07.350
And cut.