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Send text to Tyler.
What would you like to say?
Hi, exclamation point.
I just arrived, exclamation point.
Your message to Tyler says,
"Hi! I just arrived!"
- Send. - Okay.
Message sent.
Tyler says, "Glad you arrived safely."
Would you like to reply?
Tyler says, "Thank you again for being there."
Tyler says, "I'm so grateful for you."
- Would you like to reply? - No.
Okay.
Oh! Hey, hello.
- Hi, Mrs. Patterson, I'm-- - This plant shouldn't be dying.
I just bought it two weeks ago. It's unbelievable.
All the leaves keep falling off.
Should I come in?
Well, I didn't slam the door on you.
It's a succulent, for God's sake.
Shouldn't be dying.
I've done nothing wrong, that's for sure.
We take our shoes off in this house.
- Sorry. - Everything out there is dirt.
Yeah, a-and cold.
Where is that "dry heat" you hear so much about?
- What was your name again? - Jamie.
Here, we say our first and last name.
Sorry. Jamie Simms.
Well, I'll probably have to ask you your name again.
Just know that. I can't apologize for it.
I've got a lot going on. And now, with you here.
I completely understan... d.
I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to follow you.
- I don't know what's happening. - I know.
- It's a very unusual situation. - It's all starting to rot.
It's possible it's being overwatered.
- It could also be under-watered, so that's-- - I'll tell you one thing
I did do wrong. I trusted Doris Kato.
Friend from New York. She raved about this nursery,
which, of course, she did. Her cousin opened it.
A cousin, by the way, no one's ever even heard of until now.
A Sue or a Veronica or Patty. I don't fucking know.
I wasn't listening. She went on and on and on.
"I'm so proud of my cousin. She's starting over.
We should really support her."
Well, I'm sorry, but clearly, Sue-Veronica-Patty
needs to start over again.
Well, I can take it back if you'd like.
Why?
- If you're not happy. - Are you already on the clock?
- Is that how this works? - No, I just--
I'm gonna save it. It's dying, not dead.
It can be saved.
I'm gonna make a cocktail. I need one.
Can I pour you something?
- Um... - Yeah, it's early.
Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I just-- I'm--
I'm just not much of a drinker, actually.
But thank you. I had a--
had an incident in college.
Yeah, I broke my jaw.
Just completely tanked
on Long Island iced teas.
I blacked out right onto the sidewalk.
I had to have my jaw wired shut for over a month.
So, any of the smells of the numerous alcohols
in a Long Island are a bit of a trigger for me.
Are you triggered by the smell of water?
Because that's all I have.
Or Pedialyte.
Well, I've never been one to turn down a Pedialyte.
Blueberry or unflavored?
Water's awesome.
So, how long will you be here?
It depends. Uh, a few days, maybe a week.
That's "a few days, maybe a week"?
Well, for a gay man, yes.
I wasn't expecting to-- to come here.
None of this was expected.
Oh, no. I'm sorry, I didn't...
Um, I was packed for a different trip,
for-- for a longer trip when your son called.
So then, this trip got tacked on to-- to that trip.
And you're driving for that trip and this trip?
Yeah, I prefer it.
You know, time alone, time to think.
I like a road trip.
Oh, God.
- I have more socks. - You think they made the cut?
Yeah, I, uh,
I love a road trip.
It's a great way to, uh, to see New Mexico.
It's my first time, actually. It's so beautiful.
But it is funny, you know? You see the desert landscape,
and you just assume, well, that's gonna be hot--
So, how does this work? You, here?
Um, however you'd like it.
No, I didn't ask for any of this.
So, it's not "however." You tell me.
Uh, I'm-- I'm just here to help.
Me grieve?
No. No, I couldn't possibly.
No, you couldn't. I'm more than capable.
I just meant I could help, um,
with arrangements, um, running errands.
- I think Tyler was thinking-- - Yes, what was my son thinking,
sending you in his place?
I think Tyler's worried about you.
I thought you'd be better at that.
Lying.
Isn't that what assistants do best?
- He is worried. - Fine. He's worried.
And you know he would be here in a heartbeat
if he wasn't stuck overseas doing--
Overseas doing research for the new book.
Yes, that much I learned in his texts to me,
along with his condolences for my husband,
and regrets that he might not be able to make it back for the funeral.
And then, two days ago, I learned that his assistant
would be here in his absence, in a text from you.
Y-Yes, that is on me.
I told Tyler I would reach out, and I--
and I should have let him do that first.
And why might he not make it back?
There's a prisoner of war that he's hoping to interview,
uh, in Khartoum.
He has a contact, an insider
in the Sudanese Armed Forces that--
It's timing, basically. It's-- it's about timing.
It-- He just has to be ready for when it will be safe.
And will it be safe before Saturday to be here?
That's the hope, yes. That's what he's hoping.
- Mm, that's in seven days. - Yes.
So, we're hoping it's...
Safe before Saturday.
And if it doesn't become safe,
will you be sitting beside me at the funeral?
- Well, no. I-- I mean, I couldn't-- - Why?
You're doing everything else for Tyler.
Why can't you be my son on the day?
Well, because I'm no replacement for him--
You'd be surprised how low that bar is.
Did you want me to get the water?
I-It's okay, no worries.
- So, you don't want the water? - No.
No-- I mean, yes, I do want the water.
I just meant no worries in that...
- Oh, my God. - ...it's okay that you forgot.
Sorry, I meant to put my phone on vibrate.
- Is that Tyler? - Um, most likely, yes.
Your son texts from his computer,
so he's just constantly hitting return
and sending one sentence at a time.
Yes, it is him.
Uh, he's just making sure I arrived safely.
That's a lot of sentences for such a simple message.
Uh...
Uh, let's see what he says.
- Um... - Forget it.
It doesn't all have to be my business.
But to the part that is...
you can say that you arrived safely and that...
I'm doing well.
In case that's his follow-up.
Oh, and I'll take room temp. There's no need for ice
if the desert's not gonna be hot.
Yes, it's winter. For God's sake,
please stop being blown away by that.
He sent a heart emoji.
Is that for you arriving safely or me doing well?
- Imagine both. - How economical of him.
I prefer you leave the chime on.
That way I'll know when we hear from him.
Of course.
- What? - Nothing.
- Am I a lot? - No.
That's a shame, 'cause I'm trying to be.
You'll forgive me, Jamie, but I'm having a hard time
processing your presence.
I know, I'm just-- I'm just doing my job.
You understand my position, yes? Why I'd be so agitated
to learn that I'm your job?
No, no, I'm sorry. Being here is my job for Tyler.
I didn't mean to imply that you're my responsibility.
Well, Tyler seems to think differently.
He seems to think he can pass off his responsibility
to be here to say goodbye to his stepfather.
Not that he ever called Henry anything but Henry,
let alone made an effort
to have any kind of relationship with him.
So, well, maybe that's it.
Maybe that's why he doesn't feel he has a responsibility
to be here?
But my son does have a relationship with me,
or did at one point-- a good one,
which I think counts.
So, there is a responsibility there to me.
- Tyler is doing his best. - Oh, please.
- I think given the circumstances-- - Yes, you have to defend him.
I get it, it's your job, but I don't, so I won't.
Overseas is bullshit.
My husband didn't just suddenly die.
He had Parkinson's.
We knew where we were headed,
and so did Tyler.
I actually called him two weeks ago to tell him...
To tell his voicemail, at least.
I told him Henry had taken a turn,
things were complicated, and time was not on our side.
So, again, you'll forgive me if I intend to allow myself
some agitation and disappointment.
I understand. I do.
But I'm not here if you don't want me to be.
Which is something you could have conveyed
two days ago when I texted you.
But that said, I am here because of Tyler,
because he thought I might be of help.
But if you don't want that...
if you would like me to leave, I also understand that.
I haven't made up my mind yet.
Okay.
So...
how long have you been his assistant?
Uh, going on about four years now.
Wow. Obviously, I'm aware
Tyler and I have been somewhat estranged for a while,
but to not even know of your existence?
Although I'm not sure that's more of a slight on me or you.
Well, it doesn't bother me.
How old are you?
Forty-two.
Four-- 46. Final answer.
- So, older than Tyler? - Y-Yeah, it's just eight years.
- Doesn't mean-- It's not crazy. - Of course not.
- Is that an issue for you? - No.
Really? Because at first, you made yourself less older.
- Uh... - I just have to imagine
it's an interesting dynamic for you as Tyler's assistant,
with where he is in his life at his exact age.
- He's very successful. - I'm-- I'm successful.
I'm sorry, this... this feels like an interview.
Well, I'm being asked to spend a few days,
maybe a week, with a complete stranger.
I think I'm entitled to know more.
Yeah, this is all kind of a second chapter for me.
When I left NYU, I took a job as a copywriter,
but I wasn't happy with anything.
So, I decided to quit and start over in LA.
Where you took the job with Tyler.
Um, yeah, eventually, yes.
- Because you were a fan? - Y-Yes, but when I got to LA,
I didn't purposely seek him out.
We just happened to randomly bump into each other
in West Hollywood at a bar.
A gay bar?
I mean, not-- not all bars in West Hollywood are gay bars.
So, it wasn't a gay bar?
- No, it was... - Mm-hmm.
You know, I mentioned what brought me to LA,
and he, you know, he mentioned being very overwhelmed
and very inundated, and...
I don't know, I just...
I remember thinking that it felt like we were meeting
for a reason.
So, I offered myself up. As his assistant.
So, I'm curious.
Mm, what has Tyler said about me?
What has Tyler said about you?
Yes, I imagine he's mentioned me at some point.
Yeah, no, I'm just trying to think.
What he's said about me?
Honestly, he doesn't really talk much about--
- Me? - Childhood.
That included me.
Mrs. Patterson--
You're "46. Final answer."
We can be at Diane.
Diane, with all due respect--
He sent you here, so I have to assume
- something's been said. - Okay, he said you were,
uh, a great cook,
a big traveler, that you like movies.
Ooh, wow! What a vivid picture.
So, no adjectives. Huh.
Uh, Diane, I'm sorry, I can't.
Part of my being here,
part of working for Tyler-- working for anybody, really,
as an assistant, is that there has to be some sort of semblance
of a cone of silence when it comes to stuff
discussed about anything,
including family.
It's not mine to share.
I have to be a safe place for Tyler, and I have been.
And should you choose to have me here,
I would be that for you.
I-- I would be a cone of silence.
Which is something I think you would want.
Some things should remain unsaid.
I have experience with that.
Besides, I doubt you could tell me
anything I don't already know.
Can't be much good in there.
- Well, that's not true. - And that's not true, either.
Do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Yeah. That would seem cruel if I said no,
seeing as you just drank the equivalent of a lake.
- Um... - We removed the door
- to make it easier for Henry. - Oh, sure.
- You know, I think I'm good, actually-- - Do your business.
I'll refill your lake.
That's odd. I don't remember...
- turning that off, that's crazy. - Yes.
I don't know why that chime's not on.
- Do you need me to bring it to you? - No, no!
Nope, almost done.
Yep, just...
...wrapping it up.
Sorry about that. I don't remember
putting it on the...
Um...
Unfortunately, he knows it's already gonna be
another day of waiting. It's-- It's still not safe.
I think your son is stressed.
Most of this is him just asking me to quiet his mind.
He's wondering if he's doing the right thing by being there.
Do you think he's doing the right thing?
- That's not my place to-- - Will you reassure him
that he's doing the right thing?
Your son is grappling with all of this, for sure.
- I like all the art. - Sure.
We can change the subject.
No, no, I meant to mention that.
No, I welcome it. The art is all Henry.
He painted.
Was a painter. Not a hobby.
After he was diagnosed just a little over three years ago,
Henry wanted us to move out here
so he could paint this part of the world
before he could no longer.
I offered to buy him coffee table books
and just bring this world to New York.
But he insisted his eyes see it for themselves.
He knew it was a big ask.
My life was in Manhattan. I was leaving my career, and...
But of course, I said I loved the idea.
That was the only lie I ever told my husband.
That husband, anyway.
He was hoping to finish that before he...
What did Tyler tell you about Henry?
- Diane-- - No.
No cone of silence, not with Henry.
With me, fine.
Yes, he said you, uh,
had been together for 27 years, I think.
Twenty-nine. What else?
And, uh, that you two
deserved each other, which I thought was sweet.
It can be heard that way. Is that it?
Yeah.
Maybe deal with that.
Oh, my God.
Now, the sun is being an asshole.
Oh, that sun. Sorry.
- What? - Sorry, I keep thinking
- that you're talking about-- - It's relentless!
Everything here is exposed.
Well, I think some time in the direct sunlight might be--
- might be helpful. - Well, then you tell me what to do with it.
- What? - You were sent to assist.
So, assist. Sun or shade?
Sun or shade?
- Uh, whichever. - Not "whichever."
You have an opinion, express it.
Okay, I think maybe some time
where-- in the--
And for God's sake, respond!
Quiet his mind or whatever it is he needs you to do.
- I'm telling him to hang on. - "He's stressed."
What the hell does he think I'm feeling?
Does he even acknowledge what's happening here?
What I'm going through?
Does he even attempt to text that?
No, don't even tell me. He has my number.
He can use it. After what I've done.
You don't even know what I've put aside.
Because that's what you do. You put it all aside.
You put it all aside, despite how you feel.
When someone is hurting, someone you're supposed to love,
you put it aside, you ungrateful,
selfish dickhead!
I'm sorry. That wasn't, um...
And...
I'm sorry about the, um...
Henry dealt with the plants.
He-- They were his thing.
He-- he loved them, and I, um...
Diane, um, I know this is all very overwhelming,
and I certainly don't want to add to that.
But I am happy to be here.
If only to focus all of my assistance
on saving that succulent.
- Hm. - My God.
Well, we, um...
we turned the spare into an art studio,
so you'll have to sleep out here.
Sure.
Okay.
Oh.
- It is a bed. - Oh, yeah, no, it's--
- Or there's the couch. - Yeah. Oh, maybe the couch.
That is where he died, though, so...
- Wow, okay. - ...it's up to you.
- No, that's-- - I'll get sheets.
Thanks.
There's no reason to be worried, is there, for his safety?
No, no, he wouldn't put himself in danger.
I probably should have asked that first.
Thank you for making dinner.
Oh, I didn't make. I heated.
It's amazing what dishes
people are inclined to bring over.
According to my fridge, you'd think I only eat
casseroles and enchiladas.
Well, people just like to bring comfort food.
Yeah, well, I've been comforted by a salad.
Was that genuine?
Yes. I thought it was funny.
Oh, just checking. You chuckle a lot.
But I might have to challenge the validity
of a comforting salad.
Oh, I forgot to give this to you, from Tyler.
Yes, it's my handwriting, but his words, dictated.
He is good about sending cards.
Interestingly enough, going on about four years now.
How'd it go with Tyler?
Were you able to reassure him?
Oh, yes, yeah. But I'll hear from him again,
and then I'll have to reassure him all over again.
That's the cycle. Welcome to my world.
Hmm. Tyler was always anxious.
That world has not changed.
I remember once picking him up from kindergarten.
He was-- He was in tears, inconsolable.
My mind thought the worst, you know,
he'd been hit or bullied.
It turns out he was just-- he was just upset
because he was terrible at cutting with scissors.
Of course, I stifled my laugh on that day.
I validated his feelings. My son was seen and heard.
Plus, as I would come to learn,
his teachers were genuinely concerned
about his inability to cut.
So, fuck me, I guess. Fuck me for not knowing
it was some kind of developmental thing.
Hands being able to do different tasks
at the same time or something, I don't know.
Anyway, Tyler was distraught
because all the other kids could do it and he couldn't.
So, I spent that weekend with him,
just sitting on the floor,
cutting up all my good magazines.
Is he good at cutting with scissors now?
You know, I can't say I've ever seen him do it.
Maybe text him at some point, find out.
Be nice to know I made a difference,
and that my magazines did not die in vain.
You know, Diane, you could text him yourself.
And if it gives you any solace,
I happen to know you did make a difference,
because Tyler told me what it was like
for him coming out to you, and he said you were amazing.
Are you allowed to tell me that?
I think I can lift the cone on this one.
He said when he finally got up the nerve to come out to you,
he felt like you were already there waiting.
"Waiting to give him love." Those were his exact words.
Well, I was there.
And I was there all the times he almost came out.
I always knew he was gay
from an early age.
And for so many years, there were these moments
where he'd come into a room where I was,
not even the room, just into the doorway.
And I'd see it right there on his face.
And I'd think to myself every time,
"This is it, Diane, he's gonna come out, don't screw it up."
And believe me, it took everything in my power
not to want to yank him out myself.
I just...
I just wanted him to get to the other side of it.
I knew it would be better there.
I knew it was up to him, of course.
So, I just stayed still, calm,
and we'd stare at each other for what felt like forever...
waiting on the same thing, waiting for him to step through.
And eventually, all those times I'd--
I'd I just have to watch him push it all down and walk away.
So, when the day came, the day...
Oh, Tyler was 23, home for Christmas,
and I was in the kitchen, cooking.
And he came in like he'd done so many times before,
right into the doorway, no further.
And the look was the same.
The fear was there, the pain, all of it the same.
But in that moment, I just...
I knew I couldn't stay still.
I knew I couldn't yank, but...
I needed to make this the right time for my son.
So, I just looked at him and I said...
"I love you."
I mean, I'd said it so many times before,
but I guess never like that, like...
like reassurance.
As if maybe he'd forgotten.
And with that, Tyler just exhaled.
And I watched it all fall away.
And I watched my son step into the room.
- Wow. - Mm.
- Hm. - And then, we made dinner together.
In fact...
we made a comforting salad.
Well, no offense to scissors,
but I think that is a-- a bigger difference.
Tyler is very lucky to have you as a mom.
Mm.
And what about you?
Were you lucky with your parents?
Um...
- You-- you don't have to say. - No, no, no. No.
I-- I'd like to think I would have been, yeah.
But um, I lost both my parents before I, uh...
I came out later than I should ha-- I mean, not should have.
I came out when I was ready and I wasn't ready
until I was 35, and...
they both passed away within a year of each other.
It was, um, cancer came for both of them.
- I'm sorry. - Thank you. Thank you.
- Do you have any siblings? - No.
Uh, I'm an only child, as was my dad.
And my mom didn't talk to her sister,
and I hear she's gone now, too. So, no, it's just me.
That must have been difficult.
Caring for both of them on your own?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was. But, um...
But, you know, I mean...
we weren't really given a choice in the matter.
We just had to get good at it fast, right?
- Yes, we did. - Hmm.
If you don't mind... me asking,
do you know why you did wait?
Why you weren't ready until you were?
I imagine I do.
Yeah.
Uh...
Not that I can't drink alone,
but can I, uh, get you a glass?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh. What did she do here?
- Good morning. - Oh, good morning.
Well, I'm afraid it was overwatered,
so I'm just gonna let the leaves
and the roots dry out a little bit.
It's worth a shot.
Oh, and I, um, I emptied your dishwasher,
but I wasn't sure where those platters went.
And I made some coffee.
What happened to just focusing on the succulent?
I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.
I kinda get off on this stuff,
and I instantly regret saying "get off."
And did you "get off" on feeding the cat, too?
Uh, yes. Again, sorry, I just--
I noticed the bowl was empty.
Well, that one's all for naught.
The cat was carried off by an owl, so...
- Wait, what? - Yeah, he was sunning out on the patio.
An owl swooped down, and off they went.
All that was left was a piece of his tail.
- That's a thing? - All the time.
Henry insisted we leave the bowl out because,
I don't know, maybe he thought the owl
would circle back and drop the cat off?
I'm sorry, that's horrible.
The act of it, yes, but...
Barnaby only really loved Henry, so...
I'm thinking this is a good thing.
They're together again.
That goes down there, and that in the corner.
Yes.
Any word from Tyler?
Yeah, um, yeah, sorry.
It's-- It's-- It's not safe, unfortunately.
And I'm sorry, I should have mentioned.
Diane!
- Oh, shit. - Diane!
Oh.
- Diane. - Oh. Hi, Judith.
- Hi. - Love the turquoise.
Oh, thanks. Can't get enough.
- Seems like it. - Yes.
This is Judith, my next door neighbor.
And this is Jamie.
A gift from my son.
Oh!
That's very sweet. Nice to meet you.
And how are you?
I'm doing okay, thank you.
Well, I hate to pile on more troubling news.
Yeah. My Chipper is missing.
Oh, no, that is more troubling.
Yes, it's my chihuahua.
- Oh. - Mix.
I mean, purebred, uh, mix.
Wow.
Trying to stay positive.
You know, gotta keep hope alive.
You know.
- I do know. - Well, if either of you see him,
just give me a call.
- Sure. Oh. - And if I don't answer,
of course I'll call right back, but I'll probably answer.
- Oh. - And all prayers welcome.
- Sure. - Thank you so much.
- God bless. - Bye-bye.
Ooh, Marci! Hello, girl!
Hold up.
Diane, I think her dog--
Yeah, a hawk. I saw it happen from the window.
- Should we tell her? - You heard her.
She needs to keep hope alive.
- Oh, thank you. - Of course.
I'm beginning to understand this whole green chile obsession.
It's basically a cult.
Henry couldn't get enough, either.
Oh, do you want to start a-- a list of things we need to do?
I have one. Henry made it.
- Oh. - He found it to be one of the perks
of knowing his "end date."
His words.
I haven't opened it.
Are you sure you want me to? I mean, it might be a note.
I was by his side in the end, we said everything.
Okay.
Alrighty.
Yep. See, just a list.
"Henry's Exit Strategy.
"Number one, I want a fully stocked bar
"at the reception, but no champagne.
"I hate it, so no one toast me with it.
"Number two, music at the service.
"You know me, Diane. I don't do subtle.
"So, Beach Boys' 'God Only Knows'
"as the guests arrive. And as they leave,
Barry White's 'You're the First, the Last, My Everything.'"
Well, that's not gonna fly with his church.
Well, his church hasn't met me yet.
And you haven't met his church.
- Well, then they'll do it for you. - No.
They don't know me. They know of me.
I'd drop Henry off and pick him up.
Henry made friends here, I made acquaintances.
Well, then they'll do it for Henry.
What else?
Uh, "Number three, flowers. I leave that up to you, Diane.
"Fill the church with whatever makes you feel New York.
"One stipulation.
You must purchase the flowers from Doris Kato's cousin."
Are you fucking kidding me?
"Her name is Kathy, by the way.
I know you weren't listening."
My God.
- "Number four." - What?
Invite Kathy to the service?
"Finish my painting."
Well, that's not happening. I can't paint.
"It doesn't matter that you can't paint, Diane.
"Painting brought us together.
I want you to finish what I couldn't."
Well...
It is finished. That's how I want it.
Well, it might be cool to have some--
Are there any other numbers, or is that it?
Can you be done? We've got a lot to do.
Yeah, I-- yeah, I can be done.
Hello?
I just want to reiterate, again, how very honored I am
to be entrusted with these arrangements.
Well, that's the hope. But I should warn you,
my husband was very specific.
He wants to feel New York, so I'm not sure if you even--
Of course. Spring? Summer?
- What was his favorite season? - Spring. But specifically,
- it should include tulips. - We should start with my tulips.
And I'm gonna want a wide variety of colors--
You won't believe all the colors.
Well, it's one thing to say it.
But you need to see them. Of course.
Your signature, please.
And just the deposit is due today.
Um, Kathy, the succulent,
the one that Henry and Diane bought here,
um, it's not doing well.
- Oh, no. - I know.
I know, and I'm wondering if maybe it wasn't in the...
healthiest of conditions when they got it?
'Cause it doesn't seem like they did anything wrong.
And it's likely Diane will be able to save it,
- but it's just, you know, it's a little disappointing. - Of course.
- I-- I'm so sorry. - No, no, no.
I only mention it because of Henry.
Because he just-- he loved plants,
and they were very much a passion of his.
And your cousin recommended you.
No. Say no more.
Please, let me try and make it right.
30% off.
What? No. Oh, Kathy.
- No, I insist. - Thank you. Well, thank you.
Take your victory lap quickly.
Can you believe this cold weather?
I mean, I've been here a while, but when you hear "desert,"
- you think... - It's gotta be hot!
- No. - I know.
So, maybe in a day or so, we'll just give it
a little misting.
Are you picking out some photos to display?
Yes, I do have some ideas for my husband's funeral.
Oh, wow.
Tyler.
Yep.
Always adorable.
Aw.
Tyler has this one framed in his house.
Mm.
Has he told you a lot about his dad?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, mentioned, really.
I mean, just like pieces, not...
Well, I'll have to give you more photos of them
to take back to LA.
For sure.
Who's this kid?
There's a lot of pictures of them together.
Is he a-- Is he a cousin?
No, that's Bobby, his first boyfriend.
What?
No!
They're like, what, 11?
Ten.
They didn't say they were boyfriends,
but I knew.
I actually caught them once. They didn't see me,
but yeah, I caught them exploring.
Nothing scandalous.
- That had to be rough. - Why?
I told you, I always knew he was gay.
Well, it's one thing to know, it's another thing to see them--
I mean, what did you even say?
I said nothing, to this day.
I never wanted him to feel that anything was wrong
with what they were doing or what they might be feeling.
Wow, that's, um...
Okay.
So, uh, are Tyler and Bobby still in touch?
- I imagine so. Why? - I don't know.
You know, he was cute. At least then.
He's hot now. Big-time interior designer.
Great taste.
He actually lives in LA, too.
I'm surprised you've never met him.
I mean, you know, Tyler doesn't include me
in all of his circles,
and he does not want for friends.
I imagine he does not want for more than just friends, either.
Not if he's still like he was when he came out.
Maybe even before he came out.
I don't know, I just know there was a revolving door
of men who fell for Tyler.
Well, maybe one day Tyler will introduce you to Bobby.
Yeah. If he does, he does.
Mm.
So, have you ever gone through the revolving door?
What?
Tyler's revolving door.
- No, we're just friends. - Not even for a night?
The night you two met, when you "offered yourself up"?
That's not... I went home alone.
No, Tyler and I agreed from early on
that our relationship was different, what with work.
Oh, so there was talk of it, though?
- Oh, inevitably. - Inevitably?
Inevitably. You know, you spend a lot of time with someone,
you get to know them, you start to care for them.
Yeah, you can inevitably start to wonder.
- And you did? - Well, we both did.
We both wondered, but we agreed,
uh, we decided on friendship.
- Who decided? - We both did.
- Quit trying to cut him out of this. - No, I-- I...
I just-- I know Tyler
in relationships. I don't know you.
Well, rest assured, we went down that road together,
and we got off that road together.
- Mm-hmm. - At a certain point,
I expressed feelings for Tyler,
and Tyler in turn expressed feelings for me,
but he also admitted he wasn't there yet
and wasn't ready for a relationship.
Oh, so you went further down the road than he did?
- Oh, my God. - I'm just trying to clarify.
No, you're trying to interrogate,
and there's nothing to interrogate.
I know my life, Diane.
I know my life with Tyler. Trust me.
- Understood. - Thank you.
We'll just leave it at that, then.
- Great. - You expressed your feelings.
Tyler had similar ones, but he wasn't there yet.
And at a certain point, you decided to just be friends.
There's a little more to it than that.
Well, that's all I know. Maybe we do a charcuterie board.
At a certain point, Tyler did say
he was open to an "us."
I don't have to be in the know.
Well, this is just so you understand.
This was after we decided on friendship.
It was actually a good while after.
Okay.
It was on my birthday, actually.
Tyler took me to dinner, and that's when he said it.
Out of nowhere, he said he was open to an "us,"
and I was taken aback.
I mean, in a good way. And I smiled
and said something like, "I would love that."
And then, we proceeded to have a very nice dinner.
And then, I went back to my apartment,
and I woke up to a voicemail from Tyler the next day...
taking it all back.
Yeah, Tyler said he got home and he panicked,
and apologized that this was all happening
on my birthday.
Uh, but yeah, he was still conflicted.
- About what? - About the idea of me with him.
We all have types.
It's just the way it is.
And Tyler was worried that he would ultimately end up
just hurting me and ruining our friendship.
Needless to say, I was pissed and I told him
I needed to take some time alone...
and that I didn't wanna hear from him,
and he was not to reach out to me.
And he said he understood.
I mean, he had no choice but to understand.
And he was also to understand
that if I was to come back,
it would be on my terms.
- And you came back? - Yeah.
But in the way that I wanted to-- needed to.
And you're okay with that? With things between you two
not being the way you want?
Yeah, obviously. I'm here.
Okay. Just making sure.
I know it's not easy to let go of my son.
- You got it? - Yep.
Alright.
- Did you move the painting? - I did.
I thought maybe you would want it out of the way.
No, I need it where it was. Put it back.
Please.
- Of course. I'm sorry. - It's alright.
How do you feel about me boxing some of that up?
I could look into some take-back programs.
That's what I did with my parents' medication.
It's just a place to properly dispose of it.
Fine.
Wow, that's a great picture of Henry.
Is it-- is that your place in New York?
Loft in Chelsea.
- So, these are all of your choices? - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
- What? - Nothing.
No, go ahead. "Get off" on your opinion.
It just seems like it's a lot of Henry
from your time back east.
- Where we spent 26 years. - Well, and here for over three,
and a lot of the people who are gonna be attending--
This is not about them. This is about Henry.
And New York was our happy place, not just mine.
- Diane, it's okay to embrace-- - This is Henry!
Yes.
With my parents,
I remember I just-- I had the hardest time
picking out pictures of them to display.
And I'm just speaking for myself here.
You know, I just wanted to see them at their best.
And then, I would look at these pictures that I had taken later
when their bodies had been--
When I knew what was happening in there.
And these-- and these pictures were just--
It was little stuff, candid things, you know.
It was them laughing, or reading, or...
sitting on the porch or the couch
holding hands and...
I don't know, I guess I realized those were the moments
that I was really seeing them at their best.
That despite everything, they were just...
being.
- Okay. - What?
No, I hear you.
It's just a thought.
No, you have a very good point.
- Oh, thank you. - Sure.
If you need another blanket, just let me know.
Oh, no, I'm sure that's-- that's fine.
- Thank you very much. - I appreciate you being so open
about your parents.
Of course.
For me, toward the end with Henry...
we-- we didn't know it was the end.
And had I known, I would never have...
One night, Henry had taken a fall.
He had been sleeping out here for a while.
Navigating had become difficult.
And he fell trying to get to the bathroom.
I was sleeping in-- in our bedroom.
His voice had become weak and gravelly by then, so...
I don't know how long he had been...
So, I don't know how long he had been calling out for help.
He had soiled himself, and I tried to get him up.
I couldn't, so I ran to the neighbors,
the newer neighbors just a few doors down.
Uh, Henry knew them.
Of course, I hadn't even bothered to...
I pounded on the door,
and the young man answers.
Chris, I should say his name. Chris.
I don't think I...
explained much, maybe three words,
"Henry had fallen,"
and Chris was already on his way.
He came right in, he swooped Henry up
like nothing, like air.
And Henry said...
"My Prince Charming, you came."
Chris laughed and Henry laughed,
and I said, "Well, that's a stupid fucking joke."
I yelled it, actually.
I was so mad,
so mad at having to make everything bearable.
And-- and this is just so you understand
why I need that painting there.
'Cause I hate it.
Like I hated that joke,
because it reminds me of how I was.
I-I don't see the beauty of him painting it.
I see the tragedy of him not finishing it.
I see me hating his body because it wouldn't listen to him,
hating how long it took him to put on his seat belt,
or to find the breath to tell a story
he told so many times before.
I see me...
...angry and frustrated and short,
and I see Henry...
patient and joyful and loving...
all for me so I'd feel better.
The one who wasn't dying.
When I look at that, I see me still here
without the only man who ever truly knew me,
everything about me,
and stayed despite that.
I need that there so I see me.
Good night.
I selected a few options for scripture readings
for the service, ones that I know Henry was fond of
- from our Bible study class. - Okay.
There's John 15:11.
"That My joy may remain in you
and that your joy may be full."
- Well-- - There's also John 14, one through three--
Okay, I will trust you with the Bible stuff.
Uh, one area that is very import--
Sorry I'm late.
Diane, you know Judith?
Of course.
Judith is our choir director.
Let's get this party started.
Okay. Hey, neighbor.
And seeing that Henry was a beloved member
of our choir,
I know that music selection needs to be special.
Yes, a-actually, that-- that's what I was...
- Henry was very specific. - Even better.
Yeah, he wants the Beach Boys' "God Only Knows"
as people arrive,
and "You're the First, My Last, My Everything"
as they leave.
- That's, uh, Barry White. Yes. - Yes.
Barry White. Wonderful talent.
- Well... - And I mention this
because of Henry.
Music was his passion.
Singing brought him immense joy.
Typically, only traditional hymns are used
- because-- No, listen-- - Seeing-- seeing as how much Henry
was a part of this church,
and how much the church meant to him,
to not have these songs
would just be a huge disappointment.
Well, um...
These are lovely and spirited choices, Diane.
And one has "God" in the title.
Yes, but, um,
may I suggest something more appropriate?
I mean, that I know Henry would love to hear us all sing.
I'm thinking, uh, "Guide Me, O Thou Great Redeemer."
- Oh. Perfect. - Oh, it's so good.
And "Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus."
- Mm. - It's a big hit.
- Really big hit. - Yes.
And how do you know Henry would love these hymns?
Because of the joy I would see on his face
- when he was singing them. - Oh.
Mm, thank you, Judith.
Of course, yes.
Thank you for that big bowl of bullshit.
Traditional fucking hymns only!
What?
Those people are unbelievable!
- Who? - The church!
They shot down my songs like I knew they would!
Okay, just give me a second.
Yes. Yes.
Why didn't you wake me up?
I could have gone with you.
Because I'm capable! I wanted to be capable!
Well, maybe I could talk to them.
And do what, something I couldn't?
No, I-- Did you tell 'em about the list?
Of course I told them about the list!
O-Okay, look, you're a little emotional right now.
What if I go back there and then--
and try to reason with them?
Good luck with Judith Bibbs.
Who?
Do these look like chihuahua to you?
Wait. What?
Diane!
What are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
I'm ending hope.
- Are you insane? - What? I'm giving her closure.
Well, you're gonna give her a heart attack.
Well, she acted like she knew Henry better than me.
- Oh, you find this funny? - Yes! Yes, I do.
I'm watching a woman throw chicken bones into a yard,
hoping that another woman thinks it's pieces of her chihuahua.
A chihuahua that got carried off by a hawk.
So, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I'm laughing at that.
Well, that's my-- That's my humor.
I just wanted it to be what Henry wanted.
I know.
We need to pick up these bones.
Okay, let's see.
That's three over here.
- There's some more. - Oh.
I think that is one.
- Oh, shit. - Shit.
Hey!
What's going on?
Nothing, everything's fine.
Um, we were--
We were just, um-- I did a...
Where are you going?
- Um... - I didn't hear her.
I-- No, I-- I thought I left my shirt out here.
But, uh, nope.
See you, Judy.
It's Judith.
Judith so thinks we're sleeping together.
If God is kind.
You can see so many stars here.
Yeah.
This part, I don't hate.
Do you think you'll stay?
No. There's nothing here.
Well, as much as I love a liquid dinner...
- Oh, sure. - Will you take care of the fire?
Yes.
Hmm.
Would it be crazy if we opened another bottle of wine?
- Or would that-- - My son wants to know how I took the news.
"How'd my mom take the news?"
I assume he's not coming.
I was gonna tell you.
Because it's still not safe?
Yes, unfortunately.
- Actually, there's more. - Okay, well--
Ah.
"How'd my mom take the news? I imagine she's pissed.
"But I thought about...
"what you said, and you're right.
It's not my responsibility."
- I can explain. - Open your phone.
- I-- Diane, I can't. - Fuck your cone of silence.
"Not my responsibility"? That sounds awfully familiar.
That's not exactly what I said.
Well, then let's see what you said.
Diane, I can explain.
Nothing you can explain is to be trusted.
This, I'll trust. Open your phone.
It's not that easy, Diane, I...
Great. It is that easy.
Ah!
Hmm.
Quite an exchange.
Mm-hmm.
Hm!
Wow.
Apparently, they did get the interview.
"It was a bit harrowing,
"but we made it in and out safely.
We're back at the hotel."
I guess you just misspoke.
- It did become safe. - Mm-hmm?
- But then it-- - No, no, no, no, no. No spoilers.
Did Tyler actually ponder coming?
He asked me what I thought he should do.
"He should do."
"Your responsibility is to you, Tyler, not anyone else."
Apparently, that's exactly what you said. Mm-hmm.
"I'll te--" Oh. "I'll tell her it wasn't safe.
"She already knows that's a strong possibility.
I'll handle things here. It'll be fine."
You didn't just quiet his mind, you made up his mind!
- I didn't make up-- - "I'm grateful for you,
but I'm bummed I won't get to see you."
Aw!
"Miss you, love you, Jamie."
"Miss you, love you, Tyler."
What a great read!
- I'm sorry, Diane-- - No!
I'll, uh, pack my things.
Why?
You think your job is done?
Well, I think, given the circumstances...
The circumstances?
The circumstances!
The circumstances haven't changed!
Just more disappointment.
That, I... That, I can manage!
Plus, like you said,
"We always knew this was a strong possibility.
I'll handle things here. It'll be fine."
Your words! So, yeah,
you can keep handling things!
All of that's not gonna fit in that fridge.
You're gonna need to transfer everything out of there
to the one in the garage.
I was thinking it might be nice
to display more of Henry's art at the reception.
- That's a great idea. - We rent a storage unit.
I wrote down the address.
Okay, would you, um, mind putting it on the...
Got it.
Diane?
I made dinner.
The bartenders confirmed.
And they can help with, um, with cleanup, too.
Good.
So, what time did you want to leave for the--
I got a text from Tyler a while ago.
Mm.
- Okay. - He said he was thinking of me
and apologized that he couldn't be here.
But he's sending thoughts and prayers for tomorrow.
He also said he would check in when he got back.
- That's great. - Yeah, it's great
if you just ignore the fact that it's all a lie.
Oh, and he sent one last sentence.
His usual. "Miss you and love you, Mom."
You get that one, too. I remember reading that.
At first, I thought it peculiar for a boss and an employee--
- Who became friends. - Well, decided on friends, yes,
but that's why I said at first, I found it peculiar.
And then I thought, well,
you do have this history together.
And this "you loving him, him conflicted" journey.
So, yes, it's not strange that along the way
you would start saying that to each other.
It's how we end our texts. I think it's nice.
Of course, it's sweet. And it works.
I know Tyler won't check in when he gets back.
Eventually, yes, but I imagine it'll be a month
before I hear from him.
That's what our relationship has become.
Just large chasms of time pass with no communication,
and then I'll get the arbitrary text, "Checking in."
Quite literally, that's how it starts.
"Checking in."
And of course, I respond immediately,
like a mother should,
and we check in with one another.
And at the end of it, "Miss you, love you, Mom."
And like I said, it works.
It's how he keeps me on the hook.
It's just enough to make me feel like he still needs me.
Just enough to keep me from giving up completely
and letting go for good.
And I imagine for Tyler,
just enough to ease his own guilt,
the guilt he feels for hurting me.
For hurting us?
I know it to be genuine.
I didn't say it wasn't genuine.
I just think it's more complicated than that.
Do you not find it more complicated
when you read his "Miss you, love you," in a text?
And when you have to type it back,
it doesn't feel confusing to you,
after everything that's happened between the two of you?
No.
Even after you shared your feelings
and he wasn't there yet?
Even after he was seemingly there
and then took it all back?
No.
Well, I guess--
I guess I'm just speaking for myself here.
I just find it hard to imagine how genuine it can be
when my son refuses to come,
and yet texts, "Miss you, love you, Mom."
Now, of course, he's under the assumption
that the lie didn't get screwed up.
As far as Tyler is concerned,
he thinks I believe he's been prohibited from coming
due to circumstances.
So, for Tyler, he's comforted by the fact
that his mom should have no doubt that he misses her
and loves her on the day before she buries her second husband.
But then, of course, you made up his mind for him.
So, yeah, who the fuck knows what "Miss you, love you," means anymore?
- I-- I didn't make up his mind. - No, you gave him an out.
No, he asked my opinion. He didn't have to take it.
And why was your opinion for him not to come?
I didn't tell him not to come.
Yes, you told him that it wasn't his responsibility--
No. No, I said he had a responsibility
- to himself. - And I told you
- he had a responsibility... - Yes, that he had a responsibility to you.
- ...to me. - Yes, yeah, but okay.
Diane, are we really gonna do this?
Are we really gonna break down the subtext of a text?
Yes, because now I'm ready for my explanation.
- You're not gonna like it. - Yeah, I hate it so far.
I did what I thought was right, knowing what I know.
- Knowing what? - How Tyler feels
about everything that happened between the two of you.
Which is what?
Oh, but of course.
Now, we're back to your airtight cone of silence.
Fine, I'll lift it from my side.
I cheated on Tyler's dad with Henry.
- I assume that you know? - Yes.
And did he also share with you that his dad and I
had fallen out of love long before that,
and that his dad had cheated as well?
- Y-Yes, but-- - But his affair was fleeting
and I fell in love with mine, yes?
- Yes. - Yes.
That's my high crime.
Well, I think for Tyler, knowing how hurt his dad was,
and then with Tyler's dad passing away,
I think that there is an allegiance to his father
that makes it difficult for Tyler to--
- Look, Dia-- your son struggles with how-- - My son struggles.
Oh, my God. Lost my appetite.
- Diane, just let me-- - No, no!
No, Tyler did have an allegiance to his dad,
and still does to this day, apparently.
After his father and I divorced, despite both cheating,
despite our anger and differences,
the one thing we agreed upon
was that our priority was to be Tyler.
He should know nothing from us but love,
and that included to each other.
I hate that I'm telling you this!
- You don't have to tell me. - Yes, I do!
Around the time Henry and I moved in together,
when things were clearly not fleeting for us,
Tyler's dad began to struggle with that.
One weekend, when Tyler was at his dad's,
you want to know what he put in our son's head?
"You're on my side. You're on your dad's side."
You know what that does to a nine-year-old to draw that line?
To suggest that love is conditional?
Because I can tell you from experience,
you do not come back from that.
The damage is done.
And I only came to know of what his dad said a few years later
when Tyler was acting out and I sent him to his room.
He used his dad's words against me.
"I'm on dad's side."
But truthfully, I was suspicious that something had been said
from the moment my nine-year-old came home after that weekend,
because the son who left was not the son who came back.
Not the way he looked at me, the way he hugged me.
He would bristle at my touch.
A-And Henry, Henry was a pariah from that day on.
I'm sorry, Diane. I didn't know.
And you wouldn't have, not from me.
I never told anyone, until now.
Not even Henry. Even after I came to know
what his dad had said, I never confronted him.
Never uttered a negative thing about him in retaliation.
Even as Tyler used those words against me, I stayed calm.
All I said was, "Well, I hope you know
that Henry and I love you, too."
Even after Tyler refused to let me go to his dad's funeral.
I mean, this is a man I loved,
I still love!
Even then, I respected my son's feelings,
and I sat out on that patio, and I grieved his dad alone.
From the moment my nine-year-old came home after that weekend,
I have shown him nothing but love,
because I knew he needed it.
I knew he wanted it, and still does to this day.
It just-- it just comes with a price.
But I have never, never stopped being his mom.
I've-- I have stayed his mom.
And-- and against my better judgment,
I have kept helping Tyler
through any doorway he struggles with.
Now, as for you,
just so you're clear going forward with your life,
just so you come to truly understand...
that is a cone of silence.
Diane, I'm very sorry for what you went through,
and I'm sorry for what you're going through.
But again, I didn't know.
What about what we've come to know, what we've shared here?
- Going on that alone, why not tell Tyler-- - Diane, I--
You could have texted him yourself,
but instead, you chose to stay angry.
Yeah, and you chose to be on his side.
Oh, my God. I love that you refuse to listen
to anything that doesn't allow you to stay the victim.
- I'm just trying to understand. - What you need to do
is recognize that I have been here for six days
helping you, enduring you, taking dagger after dagger.
What about the daggers I've taken?
Well, I'm not disputing that,
but I'm not the one who threw them.
- Yes, you did! - No, not the ones
that hurt you most. I'm not your son, Diane.
No. You're worse.
- You're in love with him. - Oh, my God.
- Diane, I told you-- - No. Nope.
- Fuck your story. - Wow.
Wow, fuck my story.
You are so clearly still in love with my son.
- I am not. - Had I known that,
I would have relieved you on day one.
Well, then, relieve me now.
- Please. - And give you the satisfaction
of just walking away? Hell, no!
Yeah, you wouldn't do that. And you know what, Diane?
You wouldn't have because you've enjoyed all of this.
- Goading me, tormenting me. - I most certainly have not.
Please, you get off on your power.
I have a right to get off!
- And had I known how miserable this was all gonna be... - Shit.
...I never would have offered to come here in the first place!
"Offered"?
- What do you mean, "offered"? - Okay, wait.
You had to come, you had no choice.
- Yes, but... - This is your job.
You have to be here. You said that many times.
- Just hold on! - Adamantly! Did-- did my son
- even ask you to come? - Hold on.
Did Tyler even ask you
- to come, ever? - It's complicated!
Unbelievable.
Okay, okay. Tyler called.
He was stuck overseas, he was distraught,
- he didn't know who else to call. - Mm-hmm.
He apologized for calling, admitted it was awkward.
- Why would it be awkward? - Because it had been a while
- since we had spoken, but-- - Wait.
How long ago did Tyler break your heart and you walked away?
- About two weeks, but-- - Two weeks?!
- Yes, it was earlier than-- - There is no way
- you have moved on. - Yes, I have.
In fact, this road trip, this longer trip,
that's me moving to New York. I'm not even going back to LA.
Hold on, hold on. So, the day you walked away
to give yourself time, you actually quit?
- Yes. - Then, why not own that
from the minute you walked in my door?
- Why lie to me? - It was just--
"This is my job. I have to be here."
- It was just easier. - Yes, I imagine it was,
so much easier to portray yourself
as this self-righteous victim
- who's had to endure-- - No, I decided
to put aside everything
and take the high road, Diane.
- Oh. - So that Tyler could see,
despite all of the hurt I endured,
I would still be there for him.
And that I could move on with my life
knowing I was leaving Tyler behind seeing that about me.
Yes. Yes.
- Yes. That is why. - What?
- You resent him. - Oh, plea-- No.
You're not just in love with my son.
You resent him.
- I am taking the high road. - Which is where you go
when you want people to feel like shit.
Don't tell me about the high road.
I wrote the book on taking the high road.
You want Tyler to feel guilty.
Fine. Yes, I do.
- But that's not why I came. - It's exactly why you came.
You want Tyler to miss you.
You want Tyler to love you.
- You won't realize-- - I'm moving on with my life--
Do not lie anymore!
Especially to someone who knows exactly what it means
to love and resent my son.
And when we love and resent the same person,
that's when they control us the most.
Jamie, you will always be everything Tyler needs,
everything he desires in a boyfriend.
But you will never be his type.
He will never want you the way you want him to.
And he will never be the son that you want him to be.
You might not call Tyler a selfish, ungrateful dickhead
to his face, but he can feel it.
He can see it in your face, he can hear it in your voice.
He can read it in your texts.
But yet, you're floored
that he doesn't want to come running back to your arms.
- I am his mother! - Well, then fight like one!
Fight for him instead of tearing me down,
which is easier, right?
It's easier to make the pain about anything--
anyone but you.
- Get out! - Happily, thank you!
But you know what, Diane? You are where you are by choice.
And you made that choice the second that nine-year-old came home
and you chose not to fight.
And you had every right to fight.
You had every right to march up to his father
and say, "What the hell were you thinking?"
But no. Instead, you chose resentment.
And from what I can tell, you always choose resentment.
You choose resentment of-- of-- of New Mexico,
of-- of-- of Kathy's shitty succulent,
of-- of-- of Judith's dead dog,
of the goddamn owl, and me!
- As I should! - Oh, oh, yes.
No, I am your holy grail of resentment.
And what an easy place to put all of your anger and resentment,
the week you have to bury your second husband,
instead of facing the ugly truth
that you're angry and resentful of Henry
- for having to bury him. - How dare you!
Don't lie to me, Diane.
Especially to somebody who knows what it feels like
to spend years of your life watching the only people
you have left in the world leave.
And we do, we resent them because we need them here.
Because we don't know who we are without them.
You said it yourself, Diane.
You hate how you were with Henry.
You hated him for putting you there.
And yet this whole time, you had somebody looking at you
with nothing but love, begging you
to get out of a place you refuse to leave.
A place that you-- you choose to be consumed
by the love you're not getting from a son who left
rather than grieving the loss of a man
who knew everything about you and stayed.
Here's the sun.
There's the fucking sky!
And there's the goddamn owl.
Bringing back the fucking cat!
I didn't mean to--
Let's be done.
Hey, lady. Just got out of church.
What are you doing?
I know that annoys you
when I ask your voicemail questions.
I, uh, I just wanted to let you know
I'm gonna grab lunch with a couple of friends,
and I'll walk home.
Oh, uh, in case I forget,
a newer member of the congregation
asked me today how we met.
And I said, "Well, we didn't meet.
Diane discovered me."
Now, how sweet of me was that?
Alright, I love you. I'll see you soon.
Oh, uh, uh, one more thing.
What are you doing?
âª Just to take Him at his word âª
âª Just to rest upon His promise âª
âª Just to know thus saith the Lord âª
âª Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him âª
âª How I've proved Him o'er and o'er âª
âª Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus âª
âª Oh, the grace to trust Him âª
âª More âª
Good Lord.
I wasn't going to get up here.
Henry would not expect it.
In fact, he's--
He's probably rolling his eyes right now.
But he was clear about...
what he wanted... from me.
And I need to finish that.
"The first, my last...
"my everything.
"And the answer to all my dreams.
"You are my sun, my moon...
my guiding star."
Um...
âª My... my... âª
âª My âª
âª My, my kind of wonderful âª
âª That's what you are âª
âª I know there's only âª
âª One like you âª
âª There's no way âª
âª They could have made two âª
"Yeah, you're all I'm living for."
âª Your love I'll keep for evermore âª
- âª You're the first âª - âª You're the first âª
- âª You're the last âª - âª You're the last âª
âª My everything âª
- You should join the choir. - I can't, it's not really--
- Oh. - That was beautiful.
- I'll see you back at the house. You have the address? - Yeah.
Okay, great.
Jamie.
Can you grab Henry for me and the floral arrangements?
They'll balk at that. Traditionally, you're supposed to donate them
for Sunday services, but just tell them God owes me.
Anyways, I'm bringing my famous deviled eggs.
Oh, please don't.
It's right over here.
Have you ever seen so much joy on a canvas?
- It's something. - Mm.
- Oh, what's happening here? - Oh, that's an owl
bringing back our cat, Barnaby, so...
- Oh. My. - So, like I said, just joy.
- It's beautiful. - Aw.
It warms my heart to hear you say that.
Because Henry wanted you to have it.
- No. - Yes.
- N-No. - His time in the choir
was so precious to him.
So, maybe for the choir room.
Ohh.
- Yeah? - Hmm.
It'll be like he's still there singing with you.
Hmm.
God bless.
- Travel well. - Thanks, Diane.
- Mm-hmm, bye. - We're here if you need anything.
For some reason, people thought they should bring
more casseroles.
I saw that.
Uh, I washed these and labeled whose whose.
And, um, I made a list of what everybody brought,
in case you wanna send thank you notes.
Yeah, that doesn't have to be a thing.
Well, I should probably get on the road,
give you back your space.
Not much light left, so...
um, if you get tired, pull over.
Yes.
Uh, mm.
Maybe I'll see you back in New York?
Maybe.
Goodbye, Jamie.
Goodbye, Diane.
Hm.
I know what's on the other side.
For me, I know what's on the other side.
And I know it's better.
Or it will be better.
But I stay over here...
because I wanna fix it.
'Cause I need to fi-- I need to fix everything.
Over here, I-- I came out in my 20s.
And I had my own revolving door,
and I fell in love and out of love...
many times.
Over here, my parents knew,
and they not only knew, but they...
loved me for it.
And over here, Tyler...
It's not that I think that he's right.
It's not that I think that he's the one.
Just over here, I didn't waste so much time.
I not only found love...
not only knew what love was, I knew what to do with it.
But to go over there...
to step through...
Diane, that's to know that none of that ever happened.
It's just me over there.
I'm not saying that for sympathy...
...and I'm not saying that to excuse.
Uh...
I just don't know where to put it.
Jamie, your parents knew.
We always know.
And they knew who you were.
You were their son who loved them to the end.
"Checking in."
Sooner than expected.
Well, his timing has always been terrible.
Or perfect.
Let him wait.
Until I'm ready.
You need to move on, Jamie.
It's time.
Yes.
And take that succulent.
It deserves to be saved.
âª Threads of our memories âª
âª Woven to tapestries âª
âª That flow in the morning breeze âª
âª A sliver of light shone through âª
âª The window that frames our view âª
âª In my hands aglow the hue âª
âª A bittersweet reverie âª
âª All of you, I'll hold âª
âª Inside of me, we'll grow âª
âª Forever be free âª
âª A great mystery âª
âª Of reality âª
âª The sun has sung âª
âª Its glorious glowing song âª
âª Over that horizon âª
âª Deep in my soul, I know âª
âª Wherever I go, you go âª
âª All of the roads we roam lead home âª
âª All of you, I'll hold âª
âª Inside of me, we'll grow âª
âª Forever be free âª
âª A great mystery âª
âª Of reality âª
âª My deepest blue ocean âª
âª My world, my truth âª
âª Always the moon means you âª
âª The flower, the root, the tree âª
âª The frisson of swishing leaves âª
âª The stars and space between the wonder âª
âª All of you, I'll hold âª
âª Inside of me, we'll grow âª
âª Forever be free âª
âª A great mystery âª
âª Of reality âª