WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:01.167 --> 00:00:03.792 [♪ tense music playing] 2 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 3 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 4 00:00:09.125 --> 00:00:11.333 -[knocking] -[person 1] [muffled] Room check! 5 00:00:11.417 --> 00:00:13.083 -[person 2] Oh, shit. -[knocking] 6 00:00:13.167 --> 00:00:15.375 [grunting] One second! 7 00:00:15.458 --> 00:00:18.417 [person 1] Come on. Open up. 8 00:00:18.500 --> 00:00:20.875 -Alright, where's the drugs? -[person 3] Drugs? 9 00:00:20.958 --> 00:00:22.292 What are drugs? 10 00:00:22.375 --> 00:00:25.000 [person 1] Search her room. Find them! 11 00:00:26.208 --> 00:00:28.833 [student] [shouts] Oh! Come on, come on, come on. 12 00:00:28.917 --> 00:00:30.750 Let's go, let's go... 13 00:00:31.958 --> 00:00:36.292 Shirts, pants, socks, old pants. That's good! 14 00:00:36.375 --> 00:00:39.167 [♪ fast music playing] 15 00:00:39.250 --> 00:00:41.250 [students exclaiming] 16 00:00:42.917 --> 00:00:44.542 [grunts] Ooh, sorry! 17 00:00:47.125 --> 00:00:48.125 Move! 18 00:00:48.208 --> 00:00:50.792 -Excuse me. Sorry. Whoo! -[student] My Yogurt! 19 00:00:51.792 --> 00:00:52.792 [grunts] 20 00:00:53.375 --> 00:00:55.583 -[groans] What the fuck? -[Montgomery] Sorry! 21 00:00:55.667 --> 00:00:56.667 Fucking asshole! 22 00:00:56.750 --> 00:00:58.958 -[doorbell jingling] -[panting] 23 00:01:00.625 --> 00:01:02.250 [clattering] 24 00:01:02.333 --> 00:01:05.208 ♪♪ 25 00:01:07.375 --> 00:01:09.375 [coins rattling] 26 00:01:11.583 --> 00:01:12.750 [buzzer sounding] 27 00:01:13.833 --> 00:01:15.333 [bell ringing] 28 00:01:20.583 --> 00:01:22.500 -[buzzer sounding] -[sighs] 29 00:01:23.417 --> 00:01:24.833 [Montgomery clears throat] 30 00:01:26.167 --> 00:01:28.167 Oh. Excuse me? 31 00:01:29.875 --> 00:01:31.208 Yeah? 32 00:01:31.292 --> 00:01:33.625 Yeah, do you by any chance have any extra quarters? 33 00:01:33.708 --> 00:01:35.625 Oh, um, let me check. 34 00:01:35.708 --> 00:01:37.708 [coins jingling] 35 00:01:37.792 --> 00:01:39.417 -Yeah. -[chuckles] 36 00:01:40.750 --> 00:01:43.167 [coins jingling in pocket] 37 00:01:44.917 --> 00:01:45.917 Thanks. [chuckles] 38 00:01:47.250 --> 00:01:48.583 Your name's Montgomery, right? 39 00:01:48.667 --> 00:01:49.833 Yeah. 40 00:01:49.917 --> 00:01:53.000 And your name's Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray? 41 00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:56.417 -That is all four of them. Yeah. -Yeah. 42 00:01:56.500 --> 00:01:58.833 Yeah, Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray. Like, it just kind of falls out. 43 00:01:58.917 --> 00:02:01.792 You know, it's funny, I feel like we are always here 44 00:02:01.875 --> 00:02:03.792 at the exact same time. 45 00:02:04.667 --> 00:02:06.667 Well, no one's got dirtier undies than me. 46 00:02:08.750 --> 00:02:10.583 Not from poop, to be clear. 47 00:02:11.583 --> 00:02:13.208 -Or cum. -So, piss? 48 00:02:13.292 --> 00:02:15.333 No, just normal stuff. I'm not weird. 49 00:02:15.417 --> 00:02:17.083 [coins jingling] 50 00:02:18.917 --> 00:02:21.208 [coins continue jingling] 51 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:24.833 Okay. [chuckles] 52 00:02:25.500 --> 00:02:26.917 I'll see you around. 53 00:02:28.417 --> 00:02:29.792 [sighs] 54 00:02:29.875 --> 00:02:32.875 [♪ "Makin' It" by David Naughton playing] 55 00:02:36.667 --> 00:02:40.208 ♪ Makin' it, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 56 00:02:40.292 --> 00:02:41.708 ♪ Makin' it ♪ 57 00:02:43.833 --> 00:02:47.458 ♪ I'm solid gold, I've got the goods ♪ 58 00:02:47.542 --> 00:02:51.000 ♪ They stand when I walk through the neighborhoods ♪ 59 00:02:51.083 --> 00:02:53.375 ♪ I'm makin' it ♪ 60 00:02:53.458 --> 00:02:57.500 -♪ I've got the chance, I'm taking it ♪ -Hey, guys. How are you? 61 00:02:57.583 --> 00:02:59.167 ♪ No more, no more ♪ 62 00:02:59.250 --> 00:03:01.042 ♪ Fakin' it ♪ 63 00:03:01.125 --> 00:03:04.750 -♪ This time in life I'm makin' it ♪ -I'm sorry. 64 00:03:04.833 --> 00:03:06.792 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 65 00:03:06.875 --> 00:03:08.583 ♪ Makin' it ♪ 66 00:03:08.667 --> 00:03:10.125 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -Eat shit. 67 00:03:11.417 --> 00:03:13.417 [♪ music resumes] 68 00:03:13.500 --> 00:03:15.750 ♪ Hello uptown, goodbye pov-- ♪ 69 00:03:15.833 --> 00:03:17.125 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -That's what you get 70 00:03:17.208 --> 00:03:19.083 for ruining the football team, asshole. 71 00:03:19.167 --> 00:03:20.250 [elevator dings] 72 00:03:20.333 --> 00:03:22.375 -[♪ music resumes] -[exhales] Hi. 73 00:03:22.458 --> 00:03:23.667 -♪ I've got the chance-- ♪ -[♪ music stops abruptly] 74 00:03:23.750 --> 00:03:25.500 -[groaning] -Fuck yourself 75 00:03:25.583 --> 00:03:27.417 -and your freak-ass face! -[punch thuds] 76 00:03:27.500 --> 00:03:29.750 ♪ I'm taking it ♪ 77 00:03:29.833 --> 00:03:31.625 ♪ No more, no more ♪ 78 00:03:31.708 --> 00:03:34.250 -♪ Faking it, it's time to-- ♪ -[exhales] 79 00:03:34.333 --> 00:03:35.417 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -There he is! 80 00:03:35.500 --> 00:03:36.958 -Oh, fuck! -♪ Makin' it ♪ 81 00:03:37.042 --> 00:03:39.167 [students shouting] 82 00:03:39.250 --> 00:03:41.250 [overlapping shouting] 83 00:03:43.875 --> 00:03:45.500 [student] Freak-ass face! 84 00:03:45.583 --> 00:03:48.417 Alright, everybody, fuck off and listen to me for a second, please! 85 00:03:50.625 --> 00:03:51.833 I know... 86 00:03:52.792 --> 00:03:56.625 you're upset about what happened with the football team. 87 00:03:58.667 --> 00:03:59.875 I'm sorry. 88 00:04:01.042 --> 00:04:05.583 But who amongst us all hasn't ever made a mistake? 89 00:04:05.667 --> 00:04:07.833 We all have. 90 00:04:07.917 --> 00:04:10.292 So, if you don't think that I deserve 91 00:04:10.375 --> 00:04:13.542 the basic human decency of a second chance, 92 00:04:13.625 --> 00:04:15.875 then fine, go ahead. 93 00:04:15.958 --> 00:04:18.333 Tape me to the top of that clock tower and pelt me 94 00:04:18.417 --> 00:04:21.417 with water balloons full of piss. But if not-- 95 00:04:21.500 --> 00:04:23.333 -[thundering] -Goddammit. 96 00:04:26.708 --> 00:04:29.333 [♪ dramatic music playing] 97 00:04:35.208 --> 00:04:37.208 [♪ music softens] 98 00:04:37.292 --> 00:04:39.500 [coin jingling] 99 00:04:39.583 --> 00:04:40.875 Hey, Jack. 100 00:04:40.958 --> 00:04:42.333 -[fabric tearing] -Hi, Monty. 101 00:04:42.417 --> 00:04:44.417 -How was your day? -Uh... 102 00:04:44.500 --> 00:04:47.167 -[coin jingling] -Not great. How's yours? 103 00:04:47.250 --> 00:04:49.000 -I'm covered in piss. -[sighs] 104 00:04:49.083 --> 00:04:50.375 -I'm sorry. -It's okay. 105 00:04:50.458 --> 00:04:51.583 You know what's gonna make it all better? 106 00:04:51.667 --> 00:04:54.250 -Quiet night of sleep. -A concerning amount of alcohol. 107 00:04:54.333 --> 00:04:56.708 -Let's boogie. -Oh, wow, we said very different things. 108 00:04:57.708 --> 00:04:59.625 [student] Housing requests due by midnight. 109 00:04:59.708 --> 00:05:01.875 Guys, housing requests due by midnight. 110 00:05:01.958 --> 00:05:03.042 Montgomery and Jack, 111 00:05:03.125 --> 00:05:04.917 email your housing requests in by midnight. 112 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:07.625 -Also, Jack, go fuck yourself. -Hm. Ha. 113 00:05:10.375 --> 00:05:12.375 Where do you wanna live next year? 114 00:05:12.458 --> 00:05:15.083 Should we do Orrick Tower? 115 00:05:15.167 --> 00:05:18.500 Stonewell Court? Or... Ugh. 116 00:05:18.583 --> 00:05:21.167 As long as it's not Gralk Hall. 117 00:05:21.250 --> 00:05:23.750 That place is literal hell. Know what I mean? 118 00:05:26.667 --> 00:05:29.667 Ah, come on, dude. Stop hiding. Just ask her out. 119 00:05:29.750 --> 00:05:31.208 Are you nuts? No! 120 00:05:31.292 --> 00:05:32.917 -Why? -Girls like Ashley 121 00:05:33.000 --> 00:05:34.667 -don't like guys like me. -What's wrong with you? 122 00:05:34.750 --> 00:05:37.500 I'm weird! I sound like a little old man. 123 00:05:37.583 --> 00:05:40.500 Girls like alphas, strong provider types. 124 00:05:40.583 --> 00:05:42.208 -Like him. -[spitting] 125 00:05:43.167 --> 00:05:44.792 -[spitting] Ooh. -Hot. 126 00:05:44.875 --> 00:05:48.500 So, that's why I'm gonna trick her into thinking I'm an alpha. 127 00:05:48.583 --> 00:05:50.750 And then, she'll ask me out. 128 00:05:50.833 --> 00:05:53.417 Wow, that's the creepiest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. 129 00:05:53.500 --> 00:05:55.375 -It's not creepy, it's sweet. -You barely know her. 130 00:05:55.458 --> 00:05:56.750 You may not even actually like her. 131 00:05:56.833 --> 00:05:59.542 Of course I like her. When I think of the two of us together, 132 00:05:59.625 --> 00:06:02.833 it feels like I'm floating on a cloud of lavender 133 00:06:02.917 --> 00:06:06.417 while being sung to by lollipop pixies. 134 00:06:06.500 --> 00:06:08.458 Never mind. That's the creepiest thing 135 00:06:08.542 --> 00:06:10.167 I've ever heard in my entire life. 136 00:06:11.208 --> 00:06:13.417 -Stop staring at her. -[gasps] 137 00:06:13.500 --> 00:06:15.500 [laughing] 138 00:06:17.250 --> 00:06:22.000 It's time to take this and put it into this, 139 00:06:22.083 --> 00:06:23.792 -so we can turn off this. -[sighs] 140 00:06:23.875 --> 00:06:25.042 -Look at her. -Whoa. 141 00:06:25.125 --> 00:06:26.708 -Exquisite, right? -Dang. 142 00:06:26.792 --> 00:06:28.208 Give her a touch. 143 00:06:28.292 --> 00:06:30.042 Give her a stroke. Perv. 144 00:06:30.125 --> 00:06:31.667 -[chuckles] -Want to do a toast? 145 00:06:31.750 --> 00:06:36.042 Uh, may the crop grow strong, and your pants stay up, and the night-- 146 00:06:36.125 --> 00:06:39.333 Don't worry, man, I got this shit. To turning around this shitty day. 147 00:06:39.417 --> 00:06:41.167 [knocking] 148 00:06:41.250 --> 00:06:43.000 -[Jack] Ah, fuck. -[Montgomery] Crud. 149 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:45.000 Logan! 150 00:06:45.917 --> 00:06:47.125 What's up, dildos? 151 00:06:47.208 --> 00:06:49.333 -Can we please not do this tonight? -[Logan] Relax. 152 00:06:49.417 --> 00:06:52.208 I know that we... come in here every weekend, 153 00:06:52.292 --> 00:06:55.083 we hold you down, and we fart in your faces 154 00:06:55.167 --> 00:06:56.792 for what you did to the football team. 155 00:06:57.667 --> 00:07:00.750 But we have taken some time to reflect, and... 156 00:07:01.750 --> 00:07:03.375 we decided to apologize. 157 00:07:05.042 --> 00:07:07.458 Wow. Really? 158 00:07:07.542 --> 00:07:09.917 No, we came to [shouts] fart on your faces! 159 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:11.208 -Fuck you! Fuck you! -Pin him down! 160 00:07:11.292 --> 00:07:13.125 Fuck you! [shouting] 161 00:07:14.542 --> 00:07:16.167 -Come here. -[groaning] 162 00:07:16.250 --> 00:07:17.875 -Accept your fate! -[Jack] I will never fucking 163 00:07:17.958 --> 00:07:19.542 accept this shit. Fuck! 164 00:07:19.625 --> 00:07:20.625 I'll save you the trouble. 165 00:07:20.708 --> 00:07:21.958 -Right here okay? -That's perfect. Thanks. 166 00:07:22.042 --> 00:07:23.833 [exclaiming, struggling] 167 00:07:23.917 --> 00:07:25.708 -[Jack] Fucking fuck off. -[Logan] You know the drill. 168 00:07:25.792 --> 00:07:27.792 -Ew! Ew! Ugh! -[Montgomery] It's okay, Jack. 169 00:07:27.875 --> 00:07:30.000 -Think happy thoughts. -Shut up, Montgomery! 170 00:07:30.083 --> 00:07:32.583 -Open wide, pookie. -[Jack] No! 171 00:07:32.667 --> 00:07:34.333 No! No! 172 00:07:34.417 --> 00:07:36.042 -[Jack screaming] -[Logan farting] 173 00:07:36.125 --> 00:07:37.500 [Logan] Oh, shit! 174 00:07:37.583 --> 00:07:39.292 Hey, dumbass, mind if I borrow your charger? 175 00:07:39.375 --> 00:07:41.625 Oh, I should warn you, it's actually a third-party charger, 176 00:07:41.708 --> 00:07:43.458 and it's technically against the terms of service to use it. 177 00:07:43.542 --> 00:07:44.542 Shut up. 178 00:07:44.625 --> 00:07:48.208 Dude, this pajama party tonight is gonna be so sick. 179 00:07:48.292 --> 00:07:49.583 -Pregame at my place? -Totally. 180 00:07:49.667 --> 00:07:50.750 -I got beer. -Nice! 181 00:07:50.833 --> 00:07:52.333 -I got some weed. -Swag. 182 00:07:52.417 --> 00:07:54.042 And I'm bringing Wizard's Oath. 183 00:07:54.125 --> 00:07:55.917 [farting] 184 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:57.417 What? 185 00:07:59.458 --> 00:08:01.208 It's a fantasy board game. 186 00:08:01.292 --> 00:08:02.417 [muffled] It's actually really fun. 187 00:08:02.500 --> 00:08:03.625 -[loud farting] -[Jack screaming] 188 00:08:03.708 --> 00:08:05.333 [laughter] 189 00:08:05.417 --> 00:08:07.208 That was refreshing, dawg. 190 00:08:07.292 --> 00:08:10.208 -I feel, like, a pound lighter. -[gasping, coughing] 191 00:08:10.292 --> 00:08:11.292 Alright, let's bounce. 192 00:08:11.375 --> 00:08:13.458 -[electricity zapping] -Oh! What the fuck? 193 00:08:14.583 --> 00:08:16.125 Your charger fried my phone. 194 00:08:16.208 --> 00:08:18.417 Well, I did warn you it's a third-party charger. 195 00:08:19.875 --> 00:08:21.917 You break my phone? Huh? How 'bout... 196 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:23.708 -Oh, shit. -...I break your bottle? 197 00:08:23.792 --> 00:08:26.292 -[bottle shattering] -Nooo! 198 00:08:26.375 --> 00:08:28.333 -[wailing] -[bullies laughing] 199 00:08:28.417 --> 00:08:30.083 Look at his freak-ass face. 200 00:08:30.167 --> 00:08:32.458 -Losers. -Later, dickheads! 201 00:08:32.542 --> 00:08:34.625 [moaning] 202 00:08:34.708 --> 00:08:36.542 Just give us a fucking break. 203 00:08:43.000 --> 00:08:44.208 [friend] Lizzy! 204 00:08:51.000 --> 00:08:52.250 -[Jack] Fuck! -Ugh! Oh! 205 00:08:52.333 --> 00:08:53.583 Fuck all those guys. 206 00:08:53.667 --> 00:08:55.083 God, I hope I don't get pink eye again. 207 00:08:55.167 --> 00:08:56.750 This whole night's fucking ruined. 208 00:08:56.833 --> 00:08:58.625 Well, maybe it's for the best. 209 00:08:58.708 --> 00:09:01.417 I was gonna start Lysander on a new brand of nectar tonight, 210 00:09:01.500 --> 00:09:03.542 -and he gets temperamental-- -No! 211 00:09:03.625 --> 00:09:05.208 No! 212 00:09:05.292 --> 00:09:07.708 I can't stand another night listening to you talk 213 00:09:07.792 --> 00:09:10.583 about the dietary restrictions of your pet butterfly. 214 00:09:10.667 --> 00:09:12.792 We are in college, Monty. 215 00:09:12.875 --> 00:09:15.208 These are supposed to be the best years of our lives. 216 00:09:15.292 --> 00:09:16.500 Look at me. 217 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:19.000 I'm the type of guy who's built for a place like this, dude. 218 00:09:19.083 --> 00:09:20.833 I could be ruling the school. 219 00:09:20.917 --> 00:09:23.500 I should be doing Jell-O shots and sparkler keg stands, 220 00:09:23.583 --> 00:09:24.750 but everyone hates me. 221 00:09:24.833 --> 00:09:27.458 -Well, well, not me. -You don't count. 222 00:09:29.750 --> 00:09:33.500 Okay, I know what you need. I'm ordering us a pizza. [chuckles] 223 00:09:33.583 --> 00:09:36.375 Because no matter how bad things are, 224 00:09:36.458 --> 00:09:39.000 pizza makes everything a little better. 225 00:09:40.167 --> 00:09:41.917 Remember first semester, 226 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:43.792 when we ate pizza and played games all night-- 227 00:09:43.875 --> 00:09:45.792 Stop. What are you doing? You don't get to do a speech. 228 00:09:45.875 --> 00:09:47.542 I'm doing a speech. I'm sad. 229 00:09:47.625 --> 00:09:49.542 Plus, pizza's not gonna do anything for me, man. 230 00:09:49.625 --> 00:09:51.625 I need something to obliterate my brain! 231 00:09:51.708 --> 00:09:53.625 [tin clatters] 232 00:09:53.708 --> 00:09:55.875 [♪ mysterious music playing] 233 00:09:55.958 --> 00:09:56.958 What's this? 234 00:09:59.375 --> 00:10:00.583 Mints? 235 00:10:03.500 --> 00:10:05.375 ♪♪ 236 00:10:05.458 --> 00:10:07.292 [singers vocalizing] 237 00:10:12.083 --> 00:10:13.708 [Jack] [gasps] Oh, my God. 238 00:10:14.958 --> 00:10:16.375 These are drugs. 239 00:10:19.250 --> 00:10:21.792 No. No. 240 00:10:21.875 --> 00:10:22.958 -No! -Come on! 241 00:10:23.042 --> 00:10:24.667 -Are you insane? -What are the odds of this? 242 00:10:24.750 --> 00:10:27.417 Well, I'm not doing random ceiling drugs. We don't even know what they are. 243 00:10:27.500 --> 00:10:30.417 Fine. We'll do some research, hm? 244 00:10:33.667 --> 00:10:36.292 "Drugs." "Pink pill." 245 00:10:36.375 --> 00:10:38.042 "Exploding head." 246 00:10:38.125 --> 00:10:39.958 "What the fuck?" 247 00:10:40.792 --> 00:10:43.542 -One result?! -That's shady. 248 00:10:43.625 --> 00:10:46.417 -[video plays] -[singers] ♪ Om ♪ 249 00:10:46.500 --> 00:10:48.833 Tidings, psychedelic adventurers! 250 00:10:48.917 --> 00:10:50.625 It's me, Frankie, of course. 251 00:10:50.708 --> 00:10:52.292 -[singers] ♪ Frankie ♪ -[voice] Of course! 252 00:10:52.375 --> 00:10:54.125 Her green screen sucks. 253 00:10:54.208 --> 00:10:58.083 I'll be your cosmic captain on this journey today. 254 00:10:58.167 --> 00:11:01.542 Please keep your vibes inside the vehicle at all times. 255 00:11:01.625 --> 00:11:05.042 -[imitating boat horn] -[boat horn blowing] 256 00:11:05.958 --> 00:11:07.583 -Skip ahead. -Yeah, I'ma skip ahead. 257 00:11:07.667 --> 00:11:10.417 -[video skipping] -I dated Mickey Rourke. 258 00:11:10.500 --> 00:11:12.208 -It was fine. -Keep-Keep going forward. 259 00:11:12.292 --> 00:11:13.917 -Alright. -[video skipping] 260 00:11:14.000 --> 00:11:17.708 Presenting: Mind Igniting Neural Tuning Stimulants, 261 00:11:17.792 --> 00:11:18.833 or M.I.N.T.S. 262 00:11:18.917 --> 00:11:21.042 -That is dangerously misleading. -Whoo! 263 00:11:21.125 --> 00:11:24.000 This drug will give you an incredible high. 264 00:11:24.083 --> 00:11:26.542 -Ah! -How would I describe it? 265 00:11:26.625 --> 00:11:30.542 It makes you feel like you're floating on a cloud of lavender, 266 00:11:30.625 --> 00:11:33.542 being sung to by lollipop pixies. 267 00:11:33.625 --> 00:11:35.042 -[computer key clicks] -[video stops] 268 00:11:35.125 --> 00:11:37.958 Dude, that's exactly your thing. 269 00:11:38.500 --> 00:11:39.500 No. 270 00:11:39.583 --> 00:11:40.875 -Come on. Come on. -No. No. 271 00:11:40.958 --> 00:11:42.833 -Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. -No. No. No. No. 272 00:11:42.917 --> 00:11:44.042 -I love you. -N-- I love you, too. 273 00:11:44.125 --> 00:11:45.417 -Come on. Please? I'll do anything. -No. No. 274 00:11:45.500 --> 00:11:47.000 -No! No! No! -Come on. Come on. Really? 275 00:11:47.083 --> 00:11:48.083 Jack, the answer's no! 276 00:11:55.625 --> 00:11:58.042 And now, we wait. 277 00:11:58.792 --> 00:12:00.417 [♪ dramatic music playing] 278 00:12:01.375 --> 00:12:03.250 -[projector clacking] -[RA] Drugs. 279 00:12:03.333 --> 00:12:06.792 Alcohol. Debauchery. 280 00:12:06.875 --> 00:12:10.000 Every year, our school sinks deeper 281 00:12:10.083 --> 00:12:13.208 into a swamp of vice and buffoonery. 282 00:12:13.792 --> 00:12:15.208 Until now. 283 00:12:15.292 --> 00:12:18.292 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 284 00:12:22.208 --> 00:12:24.833 Welcome, fellow RAs. 285 00:12:25.500 --> 00:12:30.375 For weeks, we have been preparing for tonight. 286 00:12:30.458 --> 00:12:35.292 To rain fiery vengeance upon the drug-addled delinquents 287 00:12:35.375 --> 00:12:39.583 that have turned this dorm into a waking nightmare. 288 00:12:40.750 --> 00:12:42.375 -There will be no mercy. -[RA] Mm. 289 00:12:42.458 --> 00:12:46.042 [Blake] Order will be restored. 290 00:12:46.125 --> 00:12:48.708 And those who have violated our rules 291 00:12:48.792 --> 00:12:52.208 shall be shattered on the anvil of discipline! 292 00:12:53.250 --> 00:12:54.583 Are you with me?! 293 00:12:54.667 --> 00:12:56.375 [all] Yes, Resident Advisor! 294 00:12:56.458 --> 00:12:58.042 Yes! Oh. 295 00:12:58.125 --> 00:12:59.458 [chuckles] 296 00:12:59.542 --> 00:13:03.000 Sorry, I'm new. I'm just out of sync. I'm new. 297 00:13:03.083 --> 00:13:05.042 This guy didn't tell me about the call and response. 298 00:13:05.125 --> 00:13:07.250 [growls] [chuckles] I wouldn't. 299 00:13:07.333 --> 00:13:08.792 It was very scary. 300 00:13:10.458 --> 00:13:12.292 Let's move out. 301 00:13:12.375 --> 00:13:16.042 And then I'm like, "Guys, don't worry, I'm not gonna fart in your faces." 302 00:13:16.125 --> 00:13:18.792 And then I fucking farted in his face, dude! 303 00:13:18.875 --> 00:13:21.458 -[laughter] -Those guys fucking blow! 304 00:13:21.542 --> 00:13:23.583 Those guys fucking blow. 305 00:13:23.667 --> 00:13:25.042 [laughter] 306 00:13:25.125 --> 00:13:28.208 Yeah, those guys fucking blow. 307 00:13:28.292 --> 00:13:29.875 They are funny, though. 308 00:13:29.958 --> 00:13:30.958 [laughter stops abruptly] 309 00:13:31.042 --> 00:13:32.583 [Logan] What? 310 00:13:32.667 --> 00:13:34.000 Did you just say they're funny? 311 00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:36.500 No. [chuckles nervously] 312 00:13:36.958 --> 00:13:38.167 Why would I say that? 313 00:13:39.417 --> 00:13:41.750 I-- [chuckles] Anyway. 314 00:13:41.833 --> 00:13:43.458 -Let's get fucked up! -[glass breaking] 315 00:13:43.542 --> 00:13:46.208 -[all groan] -Oh, my-- Lizzy-uh! 316 00:13:47.250 --> 00:13:49.083 [Logan whimpering] 317 00:13:49.167 --> 00:13:50.583 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 318 00:13:50.667 --> 00:13:51.667 It's fine. 319 00:13:51.750 --> 00:13:53.792 [phone keys clicking] 320 00:13:53.875 --> 00:13:57.000 -[text whooshing] -[phones chiming and vibrating] 321 00:13:57.083 --> 00:14:00.208 -Oh, man, I'm tired. -Yeah, it's late. 322 00:14:00.292 --> 00:14:02.042 -I also am tired. -[Logan] Me too. 323 00:14:02.125 --> 00:14:04.000 Maybe we should call it a night. 324 00:14:04.833 --> 00:14:06.500 Hey, Lizzy, you're closest to the door. 325 00:14:06.583 --> 00:14:10.000 Why don't you just leave first and the rest of us will follow? 326 00:14:12.375 --> 00:14:14.458 Okay, sure. Yeah. 327 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:16.417 See you around. 328 00:14:17.083 --> 00:14:18.708 [scoffs] 329 00:14:18.792 --> 00:14:21.125 Hey, remember when I said I wasn't gonna fart in their faces, 330 00:14:21.208 --> 00:14:24.333 -but then I did fart in their faces? -You know, I-I guess I'll just cancel 331 00:14:24.417 --> 00:14:26.125 this party bus that I got for us. 332 00:14:26.208 --> 00:14:27.583 -Hm? -Party bus? 333 00:14:27.667 --> 00:14:30.958 I, uh, ordered us this totally awesome party bus as a surprise. 334 00:14:31.042 --> 00:14:33.042 -[gasps] -But, but, but if you're tired, 335 00:14:33.125 --> 00:14:35.125 -then I'll just cancel it. -No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. 336 00:14:35.208 --> 00:14:36.917 Do not cancel it. 337 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:39.500 I feel like I'm getting a second wind. 338 00:14:39.583 --> 00:14:41.958 -Yeah, me too. -I also am no longer tired. 339 00:14:42.042 --> 00:14:46.833 Can I get a, "Lizzy"? Lizzy. 340 00:14:46.917 --> 00:14:52.667 [all chanting] Lizzy. Lizzy. Lizzy! 341 00:14:52.750 --> 00:14:55.875 Lizzy! Lizzy! 342 00:14:55.958 --> 00:15:01.125 Lizzy! You fucking rule, dude! You think I can honk the horn? 343 00:15:01.208 --> 00:15:03.792 [♪ "Sound of the Money" by Inside Cuts playing] 344 00:15:03.875 --> 00:15:06.375 ♪ Stack my chips, then I pop my collar ♪ 345 00:15:06.458 --> 00:15:08.750 ♪ Learn from the best, I lead, they follow ♪ 346 00:15:08.833 --> 00:15:11.333 ♪ I'm getting money, can't talk, I'll holla ♪ 347 00:15:11.417 --> 00:15:13.292 ♪ That's the sound of the money ♪ 348 00:15:13.375 --> 00:15:15.583 ♪ Jackpot, there's more that's coming ♪ 349 00:15:15.667 --> 00:15:17.917 ♪ Couple commas, couple zeros ♪ 350 00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:20.083 ♪ Time to get to the money, let's go ♪ 351 00:15:20.167 --> 00:15:21.792 [silence] 352 00:15:24.708 --> 00:15:26.708 -You feel anything? -No. 353 00:15:27.833 --> 00:15:29.042 Wait. 354 00:15:31.250 --> 00:15:32.458 No. 355 00:15:32.542 --> 00:15:34.792 Fuck. Are these duds? 356 00:15:34.875 --> 00:15:37.625 Guess so. Wanna play Wizard's Oath? 357 00:15:37.708 --> 00:15:39.500 No, we can't. We need three people. 358 00:15:39.583 --> 00:15:40.708 I could play. 359 00:15:40.792 --> 00:15:42.792 No, it'd take too long to teach you the rules. 360 00:15:43.917 --> 00:15:45.333 [squelching] 361 00:15:46.708 --> 00:15:48.708 -Oh no. -[♪ tense music playing] 362 00:15:48.792 --> 00:15:50.792 [both screaming] 363 00:15:52.250 --> 00:15:53.583 Somebody help! 364 00:15:55.292 --> 00:15:56.708 Are you ready, kids? 365 00:15:56.792 --> 00:15:59.667 -[kids] Yeah! -Here we go! 366 00:15:59.750 --> 00:16:01.333 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 367 00:16:01.417 --> 00:16:03.125 -♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ -[Jack exclaims] 368 00:16:03.208 --> 00:16:04.958 -♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ -Why are our hands singing? 369 00:16:05.042 --> 00:16:06.667 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 370 00:16:08.333 --> 00:16:09.625 [Jack] Oh. 371 00:16:10.958 --> 00:16:11.958 Hey. 372 00:16:12.042 --> 00:16:13.792 -[puppet creaking] -You seeing this? 373 00:16:13.875 --> 00:16:15.458 -Ooh, he's moving. -Um, he's coming towards us. 374 00:16:15.542 --> 00:16:16.750 He's getting real close. Oof! 375 00:16:17.625 --> 00:16:19.833 -He wants me to shake his hand. -Just go for it, yeah. 376 00:16:19.917 --> 00:16:21.000 -[horn honking] -Oh! Oh! 377 00:16:21.083 --> 00:16:22.708 -He touched my nipple! -Hey, what the fuck, man? 378 00:16:22.792 --> 00:16:23.917 [person] Eh-stop! 379 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:26.833 -Hola. My name is Juan. -[whip cracks] 380 00:16:26.917 --> 00:16:28.125 -Nice to meet you. -Hi. 381 00:16:28.208 --> 00:16:30.250 -[baby cooing] -Is that a fucking baby? 382 00:16:30.333 --> 00:16:32.125 -The bebé does not like your work. -[baby whines] 383 00:16:32.208 --> 00:16:33.417 Do it again. 384 00:16:33.500 --> 00:16:35.750 [both screaming] 385 00:16:35.833 --> 00:16:37.333 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 386 00:16:37.417 --> 00:16:39.167 -This again?! -[screaming] 387 00:16:39.667 --> 00:16:41.000 Fuck. No. 388 00:16:41.083 --> 00:16:42.333 -Please stay over there. -No. Back up. 389 00:16:44.042 --> 00:16:45.667 -Don't do it. -I don't wanna be impolite. 390 00:16:45.750 --> 00:16:47.583 -What? Monty-- -Oh, he did it again. 391 00:16:47.667 --> 00:16:49.542 -What did you expect? -[Juan] Stop! 392 00:16:49.625 --> 00:16:51.833 -[baby babbles] -She hates it. Do it again. 393 00:16:51.917 --> 00:16:54.125 -[both screaming] -♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice ♪ 394 00:16:54.208 --> 00:16:55.208 Hey! 395 00:16:55.625 --> 00:16:57.625 -No, not again! He's a demon. -[screaming] 396 00:16:57.708 --> 00:16:59.167 -[baby screams] -Again. 397 00:16:59.250 --> 00:17:01.250 I'm in hell! 398 00:17:01.333 --> 00:17:02.625 -He's gone. -[screaming] 399 00:17:02.708 --> 00:17:04.250 -♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ -Again. 400 00:17:04.333 --> 00:17:06.625 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice, everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 401 00:17:06.708 --> 00:17:07.958 -[screaming] -Again. 402 00:17:08.042 --> 00:17:09.708 -[screaming] -I don't want this anymore! 403 00:17:09.792 --> 00:17:11.375 -[maniacal laughing] -Fuck you, baby! 404 00:17:11.458 --> 00:17:12.875 -Again! -[screaming] 405 00:17:12.958 --> 00:17:15.417 ♪ No one's gonna die today, someone's gonna die today ♪ 406 00:17:15.500 --> 00:17:17.292 ♪ We're all gonna die today ♪ 407 00:17:17.375 --> 00:17:19.083 -[applause] -She likes it. 408 00:17:19.167 --> 00:17:21.083 -[cheering and applause] -The baby likes it! 409 00:17:21.167 --> 00:17:23.167 [both singing in unison] 410 00:17:25.583 --> 00:17:28.417 [both screaming] 411 00:17:28.500 --> 00:17:29.917 Why are we in the fucking show--?! 412 00:17:34.292 --> 00:17:36.042 Well, the good news is the drugs work. 413 00:17:36.125 --> 00:17:37.333 Oh, do they?! 414 00:17:37.417 --> 00:17:39.875 None of that felt like a gentle cloud of lavender! 415 00:17:39.958 --> 00:17:42.167 I just got molested by Pinocchio's cousin! 416 00:17:43.000 --> 00:17:45.417 Did that happen? I think I already repressed that. 417 00:17:45.500 --> 00:17:47.917 Alright, we gotta figure out what this stuff is. 418 00:17:48.708 --> 00:17:51.042 Lysander, no, get out of there! Crate! 419 00:17:51.125 --> 00:17:52.750 No drugs for you. 420 00:17:55.667 --> 00:17:57.875 -[computer key clicks, video plays] -[Frankie] You feel like you're floating 421 00:17:57.958 --> 00:18:00.083 on a cloud of lavender, 422 00:18:00.167 --> 00:18:03.625 being sung to by lollipop pixies. 423 00:18:03.708 --> 00:18:06.083 -[buzzer sounding] -So long as you take it with food. 424 00:18:06.167 --> 00:18:07.417 -What? -Without food, 425 00:18:07.500 --> 00:18:09.958 the drug has six distinct phases, 426 00:18:10.042 --> 00:18:13.000 punctuated by normal periods of lucidity. 427 00:18:13.083 --> 00:18:15.833 First is a prologue called Make The Baby Like It. 428 00:18:15.917 --> 00:18:17.042 Definitely did that one. 429 00:18:17.125 --> 00:18:19.208 -Then, No Bad Words. -[bleep] 430 00:18:19.292 --> 00:18:20.458 Flashbacks. 431 00:18:20.542 --> 00:18:22.583 The Ol' Switcheroo. 432 00:18:22.667 --> 00:18:24.667 Nothing But The Truth. 433 00:18:24.750 --> 00:18:26.458 And We Are All One. 434 00:18:26.542 --> 00:18:28.333 [all singing] 435 00:18:28.417 --> 00:18:30.917 -[rapid clicking] -What's that? 436 00:18:31.000 --> 00:18:33.250 It's my WorryWart. It calms me down. 437 00:18:33.333 --> 00:18:35.833 Gotta say, I'm pretty dang proud of myself for making these drugs. 438 00:18:35.917 --> 00:18:37.292 -[Jack] Huh? -I made them right here 439 00:18:37.375 --> 00:18:39.000 in my dorm room, 3J. 440 00:18:39.958 --> 00:18:41.500 Oh, shit. Sorry. 441 00:18:41.583 --> 00:18:43.917 Wait. Is that this room? 442 00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:46.417 I know I'm still in college, but don't worry. 443 00:18:46.500 --> 00:18:48.083 I'm a chemistry genius, okay? 444 00:18:48.167 --> 00:18:49.708 -Well, that's good. -I mean, hell, 445 00:18:49.792 --> 00:18:53.667 I friggin' built these cabinets using my own homemade epoxy. 446 00:18:53.750 --> 00:18:55.750 [items clanging and clattering] 447 00:18:56.875 --> 00:18:58.292 We're gonna die. 448 00:18:58.375 --> 00:19:00.875 -A few important things before I forget. -[buzzer sounding] 449 00:19:00.958 --> 00:19:04.208 One, do not take more than a single dose. 450 00:19:04.292 --> 00:19:08.625 If you do, you will see the true, horrible nature of reality. 451 00:19:08.708 --> 00:19:12.417 -What does that mean? -And two, there is a final phase 452 00:19:12.500 --> 00:19:14.333 that I didn't yet mention. 453 00:19:14.417 --> 00:19:18.250 It's called Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life 454 00:19:18.333 --> 00:19:21.458 and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass. 455 00:19:21.542 --> 00:19:23.083 Wh-- What? 456 00:19:23.167 --> 00:19:25.750 My boyfriend, Garrett, went through it, and look what happened to him. 457 00:19:26.583 --> 00:19:28.542 -[gasps] -Anyway, if you don't want that 458 00:19:28.625 --> 00:19:30.458 to happen to you, eat some food. 459 00:19:31.708 --> 00:19:34.458 And by food, I mean specifically a mixture 460 00:19:34.542 --> 00:19:37.458 of wheat, nightshades, and dairy. 461 00:19:37.542 --> 00:19:39.208 -[panting] -So, pizza? 462 00:19:39.292 --> 00:19:40.708 [Frankie] Yeah, it's pizza, dum-dums. 463 00:19:40.792 --> 00:19:42.208 Happy sailing! 464 00:19:42.292 --> 00:19:44.333 Hope you don't get chainsaw-fucked. 465 00:19:44.417 --> 00:19:46.250 -[imitating boat horn] -[boat horn blowing] 466 00:19:46.333 --> 00:19:48.167 [Jack groaning] 467 00:19:48.250 --> 00:19:51.458 Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass! 468 00:19:51.542 --> 00:19:53.333 -Okay. -Cheese and rice! 469 00:19:53.417 --> 00:19:56.292 I just wanted a quiet night, and now I'm gonna get chainsaw-fucked 470 00:19:56.375 --> 00:19:58.667 -by the Rat King from The Nutcracker! -Chill, dude. That's not gonna-- 471 00:19:58.750 --> 00:20:01.375 Uh, wait, your worst nightmare is the Rat King from The Nut-- 472 00:20:01.458 --> 00:20:05.042 From the New Jersey Ballet's 2007 production of The Nutcracker. 473 00:20:05.125 --> 00:20:07.458 You haven't seen it. It's terrifying. 474 00:20:07.542 --> 00:20:10.375 It's not gonna happen, okay? What did she say? 475 00:20:10.458 --> 00:20:12.167 It'll mellow out when we have some pizza. 476 00:20:12.250 --> 00:20:15.250 -[phone buzzing] -And look, there it is right now. 477 00:20:16.083 --> 00:20:18.208 Hello, sir. Can you please bring the pizza 478 00:20:18.292 --> 00:20:21.500 directly to room 3J, with extreme haste? 479 00:20:22.708 --> 00:20:24.333 [robotic voice] Hello. 480 00:20:24.417 --> 00:20:27.083 I am Snackatron 3000. 481 00:20:27.167 --> 00:20:30.375 I have arrived at your location with a food delivery 482 00:20:30.458 --> 00:20:34.125 for Montgomery from the restaurant... 483 00:20:34.208 --> 00:20:36.667 [worker] [over phone] What do I say, the name of the pizza place? 484 00:20:36.750 --> 00:20:40.917 -Okay, it's Joe's Piz-- -It's a fucking robot. 485 00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:42.708 [Snackatron] Actually, I'm a Snackatron. 486 00:20:42.792 --> 00:20:47.208 3J! Bring the pizza to 3J, now. 487 00:20:47.292 --> 00:20:50.083 [Snackatron] I am sorry, but there is a set of stairs 488 00:20:50.167 --> 00:20:51.500 impeding my journey. 489 00:20:51.583 --> 00:20:54.458 Stairs are my mortal enemy. 490 00:20:54.542 --> 00:20:56.125 To receive your pizza from... 491 00:20:56.208 --> 00:20:59.708 [worker] [over phone] [sighs] I gotta record this again? Joe's Pi-- 492 00:20:59.792 --> 00:21:04.208 [Snackatron] I'm afraid you will need to meet me in the lobby. 493 00:21:04.292 --> 00:21:07.625 [♪ ominous music playing] 494 00:21:08.792 --> 00:21:10.667 I hope you will be satisfied with your order. 495 00:21:10.750 --> 00:21:13.125 No, Snackatron, I will not be satisfied, no. 496 00:21:13.208 --> 00:21:14.750 There's no way we're going out there. 497 00:21:14.833 --> 00:21:16.792 Ashley's out there, RAs, and who knows what else. 498 00:21:16.875 --> 00:21:19.958 Hey, it's gonna be fine, dude. It's just two flights of stairs. 499 00:21:20.042 --> 00:21:21.500 -Right? -[sighs] 500 00:21:21.583 --> 00:21:23.625 Come on, I'm gonna be with you the whole time. 501 00:21:24.750 --> 00:21:27.750 [chuckles] Yeah, w-- Yeah. 502 00:21:27.833 --> 00:21:29.417 -[♪ upbeat music playing] -♪ Watch how I walk ♪ 503 00:21:29.500 --> 00:21:31.250 ♪ You wanna chat to me, watch how you talk ♪ 504 00:21:31.333 --> 00:21:33.292 ♪ Leave my legacy, leave my mark ♪ 505 00:21:33.375 --> 00:21:34.917 ♪ On top, best help, I'm the boss ♪ 506 00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.042 ♪ Boss, boss, boss, boss, bo-bo-b-b-b-b ♪ 507 00:21:40.042 --> 00:21:42.042 [door closes] 508 00:21:42.125 --> 00:21:43.875 Why are you wearing a suit? 509 00:21:43.958 --> 00:21:45.583 I don't want people to know I'm high. 510 00:21:47.042 --> 00:21:49.042 -Smart. -So, what's our plan? 511 00:21:49.125 --> 00:21:50.958 Okay, it's simple. 512 00:21:51.042 --> 00:21:54.000 We take the elevator down, we grab the pizza, we eat it, 513 00:21:54.083 --> 00:21:56.167 and then, we're floating on a cloud of lavender 514 00:21:56.250 --> 00:21:58.417 before the next phase even hits. 515 00:21:58.500 --> 00:22:00.125 -You ready? -Yes. 516 00:22:00.208 --> 00:22:03.292 -I don't know. Okay, yes. -Great. 517 00:22:04.542 --> 00:22:06.375 Then let's do this fucking-- 518 00:22:08.167 --> 00:22:10.583 [screaming] 519 00:22:10.667 --> 00:22:13.875 -[gasps] Oh! Oh! -[panting] What? What? 520 00:22:13.958 --> 00:22:16.000 Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh! Are you okay? 521 00:22:16.083 --> 00:22:17.208 Yeah, I think, I think, I think. 522 00:22:17.292 --> 00:22:18.500 What the fuck-- 523 00:22:19.667 --> 00:22:21.667 [screaming] 524 00:22:24.333 --> 00:22:27.750 Why are our heads exploding? What in the absolute hell? 525 00:22:27.833 --> 00:22:30.333 [screaming] 526 00:22:30.417 --> 00:22:31.583 Fuck! 527 00:22:31.667 --> 00:22:33.083 [gasps] 528 00:22:33.167 --> 00:22:37.750 Okay! Okay! Just don't do anything! 529 00:22:37.833 --> 00:22:39.042 I'm not doing anything. 530 00:22:39.125 --> 00:22:41.750 I think our heads explode if we say curse words? 531 00:22:44.083 --> 00:22:46.083 Goddammit. 532 00:22:46.167 --> 00:22:47.375 No! 533 00:22:47.458 --> 00:22:49.208 [gasps] Fine. Okay. 534 00:22:49.292 --> 00:22:51.000 I'll just say, like, dang it. 535 00:22:51.083 --> 00:22:53.083 -[screaming] -Darn it? 536 00:22:53.167 --> 00:22:56.125 -[screaming] -Alright! I'll make up my own. 537 00:22:57.167 --> 00:22:58.583 Cremble sauce. 538 00:22:58.667 --> 00:23:00.500 We can't say cremble sauce? 539 00:23:00.583 --> 00:23:02.375 -[panting] -Okay. 540 00:23:02.458 --> 00:23:06.333 Just stay super G-rated. And let's get to the elevator. 541 00:23:06.417 --> 00:23:10.208 [chuckles] Hey, it's freak-ass face. 542 00:23:10.292 --> 00:23:12.375 Hey, suck my dick. 543 00:23:13.250 --> 00:23:16.000 [chuckles] Hey, it's freak-ass face. 544 00:23:16.083 --> 00:23:18.042 Hey, suck my dick. 545 00:23:18.125 --> 00:23:20.625 Alright, it's out of my system. 546 00:23:20.708 --> 00:23:22.542 -[chuckles] Hey. -Hey-- 547 00:23:23.583 --> 00:23:25.583 [indistinct chatter] 548 00:23:26.583 --> 00:23:28.208 Almost there. [chuckles] 549 00:23:28.292 --> 00:23:30.292 -And we're here. -[Ashley] Montgomery! 550 00:23:31.125 --> 00:23:32.750 -Hey. -Holy crap. 551 00:23:33.833 --> 00:23:35.250 You got this, man. 552 00:23:35.333 --> 00:23:38.417 I'm a provider, I'm suave, I'm an alpha, woo-hoo! 553 00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:40.375 Montgomery! Hi. 554 00:23:40.458 --> 00:23:42.250 Wassup, playa? 555 00:23:42.333 --> 00:23:44.042 Shit. 556 00:23:44.125 --> 00:23:45.833 -Hi. -Ahoy there. 557 00:23:45.917 --> 00:23:46.958 Nope. Queef. 558 00:23:47.792 --> 00:23:49.542 -Hi. -Happy evening to you, 559 00:23:49.625 --> 00:23:51.583 my sweet baby, baby, baby. 560 00:23:51.667 --> 00:23:52.667 Fuck that. 561 00:23:53.500 --> 00:23:56.375 I'ma pitch you a line. "Hi, Ashley." 562 00:23:56.458 --> 00:23:57.792 -Hi, Ashley. -Just like that. 563 00:23:57.875 --> 00:23:59.000 Hi, Ashley. 564 00:23:59.083 --> 00:24:00.500 -Hi. -Hey, I did it. 565 00:24:00.583 --> 00:24:03.000 Well, don't say it out loud, dumbass. 566 00:24:03.083 --> 00:24:05.500 -Hi. -Hi, Ashley. 567 00:24:07.333 --> 00:24:08.917 What's that? 568 00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:11.208 It's my WorryWart, which alphas don't use, 569 00:24:11.292 --> 00:24:13.125 -so we gotta start this whole thing over. -No, it's cute, it's cute, it's fine. 570 00:24:13.208 --> 00:24:14.375 Cunt. 571 00:24:14.458 --> 00:24:15.917 [scoffs] Excuse me? 572 00:24:17.458 --> 00:24:19.042 -Cunt. -[Ashley] What? 573 00:24:19.125 --> 00:24:21.042 -Not you. Cunt? -Cunt! 574 00:24:21.125 --> 00:24:22.375 -Sorry. -Sorry. Cunt! 575 00:24:22.458 --> 00:24:24.167 -Sorry. Cunt, sorry. -Cunt. Sorry. 576 00:24:24.250 --> 00:24:25.333 -Sorry. Cunt. -Cunt. 577 00:24:25.417 --> 00:24:27.375 -Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. -Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. 578 00:24:27.458 --> 00:24:28.667 -Cunt. -Stop! 579 00:24:28.750 --> 00:24:30.958 We can say "cunt," but we can't say "cremble sauce"? 580 00:24:32.208 --> 00:24:35.458 [Frankie] I sourced the chemicals from Manchester, England. 581 00:24:35.542 --> 00:24:36.958 Oh, it's a British drug. 582 00:24:37.042 --> 00:24:39.208 That's so fucking stupid. 583 00:24:39.292 --> 00:24:40.583 -Hi. -Hi, Ashley. 584 00:24:40.667 --> 00:24:42.042 How's your night going? Grood? 585 00:24:42.125 --> 00:24:43.583 "Grood"? Shart. 586 00:24:43.667 --> 00:24:44.792 -Hi. -Hi, Ashley. 587 00:24:44.875 --> 00:24:46.708 How's your night going? Good? 588 00:24:46.792 --> 00:24:50.333 Yeah, I've actually had a crazy week working on my music thesis, so. 589 00:24:50.417 --> 00:24:52.042 -Oh, so you're a music major? -Yeah. 590 00:24:52.125 --> 00:24:54.333 -Who's your favorite musician? -Sondheim. 591 00:24:54.417 --> 00:24:57.083 Sondheim? I love musicals. 592 00:24:57.167 --> 00:24:59.167 Oh, Stephen Sondheim? I hate him. 593 00:24:59.250 --> 00:25:01.292 I like Matsuishi Sondheim. 594 00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:04.083 Who the fuck is that? 595 00:25:04.167 --> 00:25:08.583 Okay, apparently, this guy does something called Clowncore Vomit Opera. 596 00:25:09.500 --> 00:25:11.917 [♪ chaotic music playing] 597 00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:14.083 Have you ever heard of Matsuishi Sondheim? 598 00:25:14.167 --> 00:25:16.167 Oh, my God. Are-Are you serious? I love him. 599 00:25:16.250 --> 00:25:18.417 Have you ever heard of the song that goes... 600 00:25:18.500 --> 00:25:21.458 [growling] 601 00:25:21.542 --> 00:25:24.417 [howling] 602 00:25:27.917 --> 00:25:29.917 Duh! "My Mother Pisses Death"? 603 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:31.667 Nobody ever likes that one. 604 00:25:31.750 --> 00:25:33.167 And most guys are real pussies about it, 605 00:25:33.250 --> 00:25:36.333 but it's so cool to meet someone that's actually into it. 606 00:25:36.417 --> 00:25:37.750 -[Montgomery] Mm-hm. -[warbling] 607 00:25:37.833 --> 00:25:40.875 -Well, this has been nice. -Yeah. 608 00:25:40.958 --> 00:25:44.000 I hope the rest of your night is real "grood." 609 00:25:44.083 --> 00:25:46.083 Oh, duckfucker! Ah! 610 00:25:46.833 --> 00:25:48.750 Uh, "duckfucker"? 611 00:25:49.917 --> 00:25:52.333 Oh, no. Is it over? 612 00:25:52.417 --> 00:25:53.875 Is what over? 613 00:25:55.250 --> 00:25:57.250 -The American dream. -Oh. 614 00:25:58.292 --> 00:26:00.292 -Yes. -Yep. 615 00:26:00.375 --> 00:26:03.292 Anyway, I am starving, so I'm gonna go get some food. 616 00:26:03.375 --> 00:26:05.583 But it was great getting to know you. 617 00:26:05.667 --> 00:26:06.667 I'll see ya. 618 00:26:08.042 --> 00:26:09.500 [excited squeal] 619 00:26:09.583 --> 00:26:12.000 [chuckles] My friggin' boy. Uh... 620 00:26:12.083 --> 00:26:13.500 -[sighs] -Just so you know, 621 00:26:13.583 --> 00:26:15.708 I got a weird fucking vibe about her. 622 00:26:16.037 --> 00:26:18.792 [♪ mellow music playing] 623 00:26:30.042 --> 00:26:32.167 -[knocking] -[RA] Room check. 624 00:26:36.250 --> 00:26:38.000 [panting, grunts] 625 00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:40.208 Come in! 626 00:26:40.292 --> 00:26:41.917 [door creaks] 627 00:26:45.875 --> 00:26:47.500 [♪ tense sting] 628 00:26:47.958 --> 00:26:49.583 [door creaks] 629 00:26:51.958 --> 00:26:53.458 [Blake] Sorry to interrupt. 630 00:26:59.125 --> 00:27:01.125 [chair scraping] 631 00:27:05.042 --> 00:27:07.667 -May I? -Please, yeah. 632 00:27:08.292 --> 00:27:09.625 [exhales] 633 00:27:09.708 --> 00:27:13.417 [sputtering] This stuff's so annoying. 634 00:27:14.375 --> 00:27:16.458 -[clears throat] -Okay. Prohibited items. 635 00:27:16.542 --> 00:27:20.417 -Do you guys have any drugs, alcohol? -No. 636 00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:23.000 -Uh, firearms, weaponry? -No. 637 00:27:23.083 --> 00:27:24.833 Freestanding waffle makers? 638 00:27:24.917 --> 00:27:26.833 -No. -Hm. 639 00:27:27.458 --> 00:27:28.458 Any... 640 00:27:30.167 --> 00:27:34.750 large bongs... shaped like a jar of dill pickles? 641 00:27:34.833 --> 00:27:36.792 [♪ tense music playing] 642 00:27:37.333 --> 00:27:38.333 No. 643 00:27:40.625 --> 00:27:43.458 Great! I will leave you to it. 644 00:27:46.417 --> 00:27:47.458 Ooh. 645 00:27:54.000 --> 00:27:56.000 [cheese bubbling] 646 00:27:57.958 --> 00:27:59.167 You know... 647 00:28:03.167 --> 00:28:06.292 some kids lie. [chuckles] 648 00:28:06.875 --> 00:28:09.625 They think I won't notice, but... 649 00:28:11.750 --> 00:28:13.375 lies have a smell. 650 00:28:15.500 --> 00:28:16.708 A texture. 651 00:28:18.750 --> 00:28:20.958 It clings to their clothes. 652 00:28:22.500 --> 00:28:24.125 Like smoke. 653 00:28:31.375 --> 00:28:34.125 You're hiding a pickle bong and some alcoholic iced tea, are you not? 654 00:28:37.167 --> 00:28:38.167 Yes. 655 00:28:39.083 --> 00:28:41.083 You're hiding them in the fridge, aren't you? 656 00:28:43.750 --> 00:28:44.750 Yes. 657 00:28:45.875 --> 00:28:47.500 [♪ tense sting] 658 00:28:48.167 --> 00:28:49.667 Deli drawer or crisper? 659 00:28:49.750 --> 00:28:51.375 [♪ tense sting] 660 00:28:53.000 --> 00:28:54.208 Crisper. 661 00:28:58.333 --> 00:29:01.333 [clicking tongue] Well, that's a violation. 662 00:29:04.542 --> 00:29:08.542 I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate your phone for the night. 663 00:29:08.625 --> 00:29:10.250 Wait, no, you can't confiscate my phone. 664 00:29:10.333 --> 00:29:13.458 I said, "Confiscate his phone!" 665 00:29:13.542 --> 00:29:17.125 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 666 00:29:17.208 --> 00:29:20.375 [distorted voice] What will become of me?! 667 00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:30.000 Each of you has a list. 668 00:29:30.083 --> 00:29:32.500 You are to collect the cell phones of everyone on it. 669 00:29:33.417 --> 00:29:36.917 Use whatever justification you need. Understood? 670 00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:39.000 [all] Yes, Resident Advisor, sir! 671 00:29:40.542 --> 00:29:42.542 -[clacking] -[Jack] Hell, did someone break this? 672 00:29:42.625 --> 00:29:44.833 Come on, why is it taking so long? 673 00:29:44.917 --> 00:29:47.500 -Fuck. -[student sobbing] 674 00:29:47.583 --> 00:29:50.542 -[Montgomery] Jeez. -[Jack] Oh, God, this guy. 675 00:29:50.625 --> 00:29:51.958 [Montgomery] What happened? 676 00:29:52.042 --> 00:29:53.833 He got transferred to Gralk Hall. 677 00:29:53.917 --> 00:29:55.667 -No. -Yeah. 678 00:29:55.750 --> 00:29:59.000 The worst dorm in school. 679 00:29:59.083 --> 00:30:02.208 -It's four hours away. -[student continues sobbing] 680 00:30:02.292 --> 00:30:04.250 He might as well be dead. 681 00:30:04.333 --> 00:30:06.375 [wailing] 682 00:30:06.458 --> 00:30:08.000 [whispering] That was his fuck buddy. 683 00:30:09.708 --> 00:30:11.708 -Sorry for your loss. -Go fuck yourself, Jack. 684 00:30:12.542 --> 00:30:15.042 We gotta get our housing requests in. 685 00:30:15.125 --> 00:30:16.208 [elevator dings] 686 00:30:17.417 --> 00:30:19.417 Oh, thank God. It got stuck between floors. 687 00:30:19.500 --> 00:30:20.875 Can you guys please get me out of here? 688 00:30:22.208 --> 00:30:24.625 -Stairs? -Wait. Wait, no! 689 00:30:24.708 --> 00:30:26.958 You can't just leave me like this! No, I'm gonna go insane! 690 00:30:27.042 --> 00:30:30.000 -Please, come back! -Alright, just two floors and we're good. 691 00:30:30.083 --> 00:30:33.250 [student] No! Somebody help! Somebody help me! 692 00:30:33.333 --> 00:30:34.708 Oh, no! 693 00:30:34.792 --> 00:30:36.208 -Where are you taking me? -Shit. 694 00:30:36.292 --> 00:30:38.208 -RAs. -They took my phone! 695 00:30:38.292 --> 00:30:40.917 -They took my phone! -They took his phone. 696 00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:42.917 -[student] What will become of me?! -Are they allowed to do that? 697 00:30:43.000 --> 00:30:44.750 [student] What will become of us? No! 698 00:30:44.833 --> 00:30:46.208 Take him to the Wellness Lounge. 699 00:30:46.292 --> 00:30:49.708 Yeah, alright, guys, let's get him to the Wellness Lounge. 700 00:30:49.792 --> 00:30:53.292 I love it. I agree. It's a good plan. 701 00:30:53.375 --> 00:30:56.208 -Who are you again? -Oh! I'm Sidney Putt. [chuckles] 702 00:30:56.292 --> 00:30:57.792 Sophomore RA in training. 703 00:30:57.875 --> 00:30:59.500 -You're a sophomore? -Yeah. 704 00:30:59.583 --> 00:31:01.542 But I am 31 years young. 705 00:31:01.625 --> 00:31:04.708 I took a bit of a gap decade before I started school. 706 00:31:04.792 --> 00:31:07.083 -Wow. -But, now I'm so excited to be an RA. 707 00:31:07.167 --> 00:31:09.125 -Uh-huh. -I'd love to know the inside jokes. 708 00:31:09.208 --> 00:31:11.750 -Mm. -Who's ribbing who? Who's kissing who? 709 00:31:11.833 --> 00:31:13.667 [giggles] You ever huff helium? 710 00:31:13.750 --> 00:31:15.333 Shut the fuck up! 711 00:31:17.208 --> 00:31:20.958 You two stay, and don't let anyone downstairs. 712 00:31:21.042 --> 00:31:22.042 -Fuck us. -Crud. 713 00:31:23.042 --> 00:31:24.333 Now how do we get downstairs? 714 00:31:24.417 --> 00:31:25.833 [gasps] 715 00:31:25.917 --> 00:31:27.125 [Jack] Building renovations. 716 00:31:27.208 --> 00:31:29.208 They're scaffolding outside the corner room. 717 00:31:29.292 --> 00:31:31.750 We could just climb down to the second floor from there, huh? 718 00:31:31.833 --> 00:31:34.625 -We got this. -[knocking] 719 00:31:35.458 --> 00:31:37.458 Hi, we were wondering if we could use your window. 720 00:31:37.542 --> 00:31:38.958 You. 721 00:31:39.042 --> 00:31:40.625 Oh, hey, it's you. 722 00:31:40.708 --> 00:31:42.375 [student] Fuck off! 723 00:31:42.458 --> 00:31:43.875 What the hell was that about? 724 00:31:43.958 --> 00:31:46.667 Earlier today, I accidentally hit him with a football. 725 00:31:46.750 --> 00:31:47.958 Great, so we're stuck. 726 00:31:48.042 --> 00:31:50.000 Hey, Logan. Uh, sorry, just call me back. 727 00:31:50.083 --> 00:31:51.708 I can't find you guys, so. 728 00:31:54.083 --> 00:31:56.083 -Hi. -Hi, Lizzy. 729 00:31:56.167 --> 00:31:57.333 Hi. 730 00:31:57.417 --> 00:32:00.208 -Why are you wet? -Uh, I just, um, 731 00:32:00.292 --> 00:32:03.417 I'm having kind of a weird night, uh, but I'm fine. 732 00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:05.750 Dandy. Bye. 733 00:32:06.708 --> 00:32:08.708 Bye... Asshole. 734 00:32:08.792 --> 00:32:10.000 [gasps] No! 735 00:32:11.083 --> 00:32:14.083 [both] Oh! Oh! Oh! 736 00:32:14.167 --> 00:32:17.292 -Your head's been exploding! -You're on our drug! 737 00:32:17.375 --> 00:32:19.042 What? What? 738 00:32:19.125 --> 00:32:20.792 -[laughing] -What are you talking about? 739 00:32:20.875 --> 00:32:22.625 But I didn't take any drugs! 740 00:32:22.708 --> 00:32:24.375 You are so fucked. 741 00:32:24.458 --> 00:32:25.958 [both laughing] 742 00:32:26.042 --> 00:32:29.167 -Stop laughing. -I don't know why I'm laughing. 743 00:32:29.250 --> 00:32:31.750 I think it's a trauma response. 744 00:32:31.833 --> 00:32:34.167 But I didn't take any... [gasps] 745 00:32:34.250 --> 00:32:36.750 Oh, my God. This all makes sense now. 746 00:32:36.833 --> 00:32:39.625 Earlier tonight, when I was in your room... 747 00:32:40.417 --> 00:32:42.500 Logan was talking about the pajama party, 748 00:32:42.583 --> 00:32:44.417 and I spotted a tin of mints on your desk. 749 00:32:44.500 --> 00:32:45.708 [Jack] Those weren't mints, dumbass. 750 00:32:45.792 --> 00:32:48.958 -[Montgomery] Lizzy, those were not mints. -[Lizzy] No shit, I'm aware. 751 00:32:49.042 --> 00:32:52.000 Because I ate one, and just a little later... 752 00:32:52.083 --> 00:32:56.583 Why are my hands singing?! 753 00:32:56.667 --> 00:32:58.333 ...I started tripping my goddamn balls off 754 00:32:58.417 --> 00:33:00.083 in front of Logan and all of his friends. 755 00:33:00.167 --> 00:33:02.167 [singing wildly] 756 00:33:03.375 --> 00:33:05.667 Wait, how are we even seeing this? 757 00:33:05.750 --> 00:33:08.625 Are we, like, inside her memory? 758 00:33:08.708 --> 00:33:11.417 Shit, think I remember this from the video. 759 00:33:12.375 --> 00:33:14.292 This must be the next phase. 760 00:33:14.375 --> 00:33:15.917 There's more of these? 761 00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:19.042 [Frankie] [in video] There is a final phase that I didn't yet mention. 762 00:33:19.125 --> 00:33:22.583 It's called Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life 763 00:33:22.667 --> 00:33:25.500 and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass. 764 00:33:25.583 --> 00:33:27.333 [Lizzy/Montgomery] Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life 765 00:33:27.417 --> 00:33:29.375 and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass? 766 00:33:29.458 --> 00:33:31.792 See? I do sound like a little old man. 767 00:33:31.875 --> 00:33:33.208 You dumb fucks! 768 00:33:33.292 --> 00:33:35.375 Who just leaves drugs out for anyone to take? 769 00:33:35.458 --> 00:33:37.458 Who eats random pills out of a tin? 770 00:33:38.125 --> 00:33:39.958 I've never done anything that stupid in my life. 771 00:33:40.042 --> 00:33:43.542 -You ready, Montgomery? -What's the plan here, Jack? 772 00:33:43.625 --> 00:33:45.625 We leap off the roof and float to the ground 773 00:33:45.708 --> 00:33:48.208 like a pair of graceful falcons. 774 00:33:48.292 --> 00:33:49.708 You were saying? 775 00:33:49.792 --> 00:33:51.875 Alright, so I've done one dumb thing. 776 00:33:51.958 --> 00:33:53.500 But at least we had fun. 777 00:33:53.583 --> 00:33:55.042 [screaming] 778 00:33:55.125 --> 00:33:57.625 [sighs] This is, like, the worst day of my life. 779 00:33:57.708 --> 00:34:00.083 I'm Lizzy the Magnificent. 780 00:34:00.167 --> 00:34:02.125 -Oh, my God. -Oh, my God. 781 00:34:02.208 --> 00:34:04.417 [young Lizzy] Everyone, look closely. 782 00:34:04.500 --> 00:34:07.167 Now, it's a banana, and now... 783 00:34:07.917 --> 00:34:10.000 -it's a chicken. -[rubber chicken squeaking] 784 00:34:10.083 --> 00:34:12.583 [gasps] You're incredible! 785 00:34:12.667 --> 00:34:14.292 Were you using wires or mirrors back here? 786 00:34:14.375 --> 00:34:16.667 -Now, could I have a volunteer? -[Jack] Mm! 787 00:34:16.750 --> 00:34:18.500 This is so lame. 788 00:34:18.583 --> 00:34:20.583 [students laughing] 789 00:34:23.667 --> 00:34:25.667 [laughter continues] 790 00:34:27.125 --> 00:34:30.542 Jesus Christ. Children are fucking sociopaths. 791 00:34:30.625 --> 00:34:32.625 [laughter echoing] 792 00:34:39.000 --> 00:34:42.417 I didn't know you did magic. You should have told me you did magic. 793 00:34:42.500 --> 00:34:44.917 I would have loved to have seen some tricks. 794 00:34:45.958 --> 00:34:48.375 You know, back when we were friends. 795 00:34:49.958 --> 00:34:53.042 I miss those Wednesdays. We'd all meet in the cafeteria 796 00:34:53.125 --> 00:34:54.208 -and play Wizard's Oath. -Yes! Yes! 797 00:34:54.292 --> 00:34:56.333 -Okay, alright... -[Montgomery] It was so fun. 798 00:34:56.417 --> 00:34:58.458 'Member how far we got? We were about to storm 799 00:34:58.542 --> 00:35:02.208 the Fortress of Thalamir and finally finish the game. 800 00:35:02.292 --> 00:35:05.250 But then, Lizzy ditched us. 801 00:35:05.333 --> 00:35:06.500 That's fucking good, dawg. 802 00:35:06.583 --> 00:35:09.125 I'll tell them I'm not gonna fart in their faces, 803 00:35:09.208 --> 00:35:11.458 but then I totally will do that! 804 00:35:11.542 --> 00:35:14.083 Hang on. I never ditched you guys. 805 00:35:14.167 --> 00:35:15.792 [Lizzy] Don't say I ditched you. 806 00:35:15.875 --> 00:35:17.208 [student] Lizzy! 807 00:35:17.292 --> 00:35:20.208 Also, you're leaving out the part where you sabotaged the whole football team. 808 00:35:20.292 --> 00:35:22.583 Oh, come on! That was an accident! 809 00:35:22.667 --> 00:35:24.208 -Yeah, right. -What the fuck? 810 00:35:24.292 --> 00:35:26.167 Wait. I can prove it. 811 00:35:26.250 --> 00:35:29.667 It was first semester. I was king of the campus. 812 00:35:29.750 --> 00:35:33.708 A.K.A., I was the school mascot. 813 00:35:33.792 --> 00:35:36.125 So, per tradition, I held the honor 814 00:35:36.208 --> 00:35:39.833 of leading the football team in their annual naked run. 815 00:35:39.917 --> 00:35:41.542 Gentlemen! 816 00:35:42.833 --> 00:35:45.833 -Cheeks out! -[players cheering] 817 00:35:46.708 --> 00:35:49.917 Have fun out there. Just remember, stick to the path. 818 00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:52.583 [Jack] But I had bigger plans than the path. 819 00:35:52.667 --> 00:35:54.708 [player] Let's go! Paper it on three, baby, one, two, three! 820 00:35:54.792 --> 00:35:56.792 [all players shouting] 821 00:35:56.875 --> 00:35:58.875 [overlapping chatter] 822 00:36:00.708 --> 00:36:03.042 [Jack] Everyone hated Professor Quinn, 823 00:36:03.125 --> 00:36:07.667 so I figured they'd love me if I made him spend his entire day 824 00:36:07.750 --> 00:36:10.500 -getting followed by 50 naked dicks. -[players shouting] 825 00:36:10.583 --> 00:36:14.208 It was a flawless plan, until the stupid professor 826 00:36:14.292 --> 00:36:18.125 -went off campus and ran directly by... -[whistle blowing] 827 00:36:18.208 --> 00:36:20.333 ...a police station during... 828 00:36:20.417 --> 00:36:23.042 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. 829 00:36:26.750 --> 00:36:30.042 Every single player got put on the sex offender registry. 830 00:36:31.208 --> 00:36:32.417 That was that. 831 00:36:32.500 --> 00:36:35.000 -[Lizzy sighs] -I was doing so well. 832 00:36:35.083 --> 00:36:37.583 I was making friends, I was having fun. 833 00:36:37.667 --> 00:36:39.375 For once in my life, people actually liked me. 834 00:36:39.458 --> 00:36:43.125 And then, poof, overnight, for no reason, they all just turned on me. 835 00:36:43.208 --> 00:36:45.292 -Again, not me. -Again, you don't count. 836 00:36:45.375 --> 00:36:48.292 No, but what do you mean "for no reason"? I-I mean, you broke the rules. 837 00:36:48.375 --> 00:36:50.292 You, you were reckless with the football team's dicks. 838 00:36:50.375 --> 00:36:52.833 I wasn't even think-- I wasn't thinking about the dicks. 839 00:36:52.917 --> 00:36:53.917 Well, that's my point. 840 00:36:54.000 --> 00:36:55.417 Maybe you should have been thinking about their dicks. 841 00:36:55.500 --> 00:36:57.250 Why are we even talking about dicks? 842 00:36:57.333 --> 00:36:59.375 I am the victim here. Tell her, Montgomery. 843 00:36:59.458 --> 00:37:01.208 I mean, maybe you could stand to think 844 00:37:01.292 --> 00:37:03.708 a little bit more about other people's dicks. 845 00:37:04.625 --> 00:37:07.208 -[Montgomery] Excuse me! Sorry! Whoo! -[Jack] You guys don't fucking get it. 846 00:37:07.292 --> 00:37:08.542 [student] My yogurt! 847 00:37:10.042 --> 00:37:11.250 Wait. Wait! Oh! 848 00:37:11.333 --> 00:37:12.542 Whoo! [grunts] 849 00:37:14.625 --> 00:37:16.833 -Hi. -Dude, you saved my ass! 850 00:37:16.917 --> 00:37:18.917 -You're welcome. -[tin can clattering] 851 00:37:22.583 --> 00:37:25.667 What just happened? Did I just interact with a memory? 852 00:37:26.500 --> 00:37:28.500 Montgomery, my man! 853 00:37:28.583 --> 00:37:30.083 This guy saved my ass earlier. 854 00:37:31.292 --> 00:37:33.500 Nice. Can we use your window? 855 00:37:33.583 --> 00:37:35.417 Of course, yeah. Come on in. 856 00:37:35.500 --> 00:37:37.292 Oh, let me go grab your thing real quick. 857 00:37:37.375 --> 00:37:39.375 What? Did we change the past? 858 00:37:39.458 --> 00:37:41.083 How is that even scientifically possible? 859 00:37:41.167 --> 00:37:42.708 I don't know. You wanna disprove quantum theory 860 00:37:42.792 --> 00:37:44.208 or get a pizza? Come on. 861 00:37:45.083 --> 00:37:47.917 Wait, wait. Uh, wh-wh-where are you guys going? 862 00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:49.792 -Nowhere. Eat shit. -We're climbing down the scaffolding to... 863 00:37:49.875 --> 00:37:51.417 -Don't tell her. -...get downstairs to get a pizza 'cause 864 00:37:51.500 --> 00:37:53.042 -that's the only way the drugs stop. -Montgomery. Goddammit! 865 00:37:53.125 --> 00:37:54.417 Okay, great, let's go. 866 00:37:54.500 --> 00:37:57.208 'Scuse me? You are not coming with us. 867 00:37:57.292 --> 00:37:59.667 You and Logan, fucking fart Hitler, 868 00:37:59.750 --> 00:38:01.667 just used us as literal toilet paper. 869 00:38:01.750 --> 00:38:03.125 Well, I didn't. I just-- 870 00:38:03.208 --> 00:38:04.833 Stood by and watched like a good German? 871 00:38:04.917 --> 00:38:06.458 Honestly, that might be worse. Right, Montgomery? 872 00:38:06.542 --> 00:38:08.417 I'd actually love if we use a different metaphor. 873 00:38:08.500 --> 00:38:10.167 You guys can't just leave me here, okay? 874 00:38:10.250 --> 00:38:12.708 Without my credit card, my friends can't use the party bus. 875 00:38:12.792 --> 00:38:14.542 Oh, no! You mean to tell me that Logan 876 00:38:14.625 --> 00:38:16.625 may have a slightly less fun night? 877 00:38:16.708 --> 00:38:17.875 Tough titty. Let's go. 878 00:38:17.958 --> 00:38:20.958 Okay. Listen up, assholes. 879 00:38:21.042 --> 00:38:22.792 If you guys don't let me come with you, 880 00:38:22.875 --> 00:38:25.708 I'm gonna make sure Logan sharts on you next time. 881 00:38:25.792 --> 00:38:28.208 -[both gasp] -Not fart. Shart. 882 00:38:28.292 --> 00:38:31.250 To get that stain out, you won't just need soap, 883 00:38:31.333 --> 00:38:32.958 you'll need therapy. 884 00:38:33.042 --> 00:38:35.792 Okay, guys, come on. We need to work together. 885 00:38:36.542 --> 00:38:37.542 Now, what do you say? 886 00:38:38.542 --> 00:38:40.292 -Fuck no. -You want to hold hands? 887 00:38:40.375 --> 00:38:44.667 Yeah. It boosts endorphins and supports cooperative thinking. 888 00:38:44.750 --> 00:38:46.083 Here's this back. 889 00:38:46.167 --> 00:38:48.000 This shit is wild. 890 00:38:48.083 --> 00:38:49.750 Wait, how did you get-- 891 00:38:49.833 --> 00:38:52.250 Hope you don't mind I took one. Those five phases were so fun. 892 00:38:52.333 --> 00:38:54.208 Oh, you mean six phases? 893 00:38:54.292 --> 00:38:56.750 Oh, there's a sixth phase? What is it? 894 00:38:57.792 --> 00:39:00.792 [Montgomery/Jack] Uh, I don't know. 895 00:39:00.875 --> 00:39:03.375 [♪ ominous music playing] 896 00:39:03.458 --> 00:39:04.458 No. 897 00:39:06.250 --> 00:39:08.750 Oh, God, no. [whimpering] 898 00:39:09.458 --> 00:39:13.208 It's a mall Santa holding a chainsaw! 899 00:39:13.292 --> 00:39:14.833 Mall Santa? 900 00:39:14.917 --> 00:39:16.625 -[screaming] -[all exclaiming] 901 00:39:16.708 --> 00:39:18.208 -Oh! -Oh, my God! 902 00:39:18.292 --> 00:39:21.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [screaming] 903 00:39:21.083 --> 00:39:23.708 Oh, fuck! 904 00:39:23.792 --> 00:39:25.500 [whimpering] 905 00:39:25.583 --> 00:39:27.208 [screaming] 906 00:39:28.167 --> 00:39:30.333 Now, what? What? 907 00:39:30.417 --> 00:39:31.833 How the fuck is he levitating? 908 00:39:31.917 --> 00:39:33.750 Oh, dear God. [exclaiming] 909 00:39:33.833 --> 00:39:35.917 -[chainsaw starting] -No, Santa! 910 00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:38.458 -[chainsaw revving] -I promise! I've been good! 911 00:39:38.542 --> 00:39:40.125 -[chainsaw buzzing] -[screaming] 912 00:39:40.208 --> 00:39:42.375 [screaming] 913 00:39:42.458 --> 00:39:45.667 -[♪ haunting Christmas music playing] -Kill me! 914 00:39:47.500 --> 00:39:49.708 -[♪ music stops] -[chainsaw stops buzzing] 915 00:39:52.542 --> 00:39:54.542 We gotta get that fucking pizza. 916 00:39:56.875 --> 00:40:00.708 [Snackatron] What is up, my dude? Good to meet a fellow delivery unit. 917 00:40:00.792 --> 00:40:03.750 -What is your name? -What the fuck? 918 00:40:03.833 --> 00:40:05.458 - [Snackatron] Hello... -[delivery person] What the fuck? 919 00:40:05.542 --> 00:40:08.750 [Snackatron] Do you also delight in satisfying customers? 920 00:40:08.833 --> 00:40:10.042 I do. 921 00:40:10.125 --> 00:40:12.625 When I receive a rating of five stars, 922 00:40:12.708 --> 00:40:16.500 my circuits surge with digital euphoria. 923 00:40:16.583 --> 00:40:19.833 But to receive anything less is failure. 924 00:40:19.917 --> 00:40:21.208 Doom. 925 00:40:21.292 --> 00:40:23.500 Oblivion. 926 00:40:25.250 --> 00:40:26.667 What the fuck? 927 00:40:26.750 --> 00:40:29.458 [Snackatron] Yes, and I am Snackatron. 928 00:40:29.542 --> 00:40:31.083 [Jack] Alright, let's climb down. 929 00:40:31.167 --> 00:40:33.792 [grunting] The scaffolding is shaky as shit. 930 00:40:33.875 --> 00:40:35.958 We should probably go one at a time. 931 00:40:36.042 --> 00:40:37.917 Ooh! I almost biffed it. 932 00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:40.458 -[Jack grunting] -[rapid clicking] 933 00:40:40.542 --> 00:40:42.375 [Montgomery] Hey, is that a WorryWart? 934 00:40:43.500 --> 00:40:45.917 Oh, um, yeah. 935 00:40:48.458 --> 00:40:51.458 They're great, right? Not the newer models. 936 00:40:51.542 --> 00:40:53.958 They kinda suck 'cause they added too many doodads. 937 00:40:54.042 --> 00:40:55.667 It's, like, six more sides, it's terrible. 938 00:40:56.625 --> 00:40:59.250 But, you know, if you need any other recs, let me know. 939 00:40:59.333 --> 00:41:02.542 Like, for example, when I'm really freaking out, 940 00:41:02.625 --> 00:41:05.417 it helps when someone grabs my right earlobe 941 00:41:05.500 --> 00:41:07.125 and blows on my nose. 942 00:41:09.083 --> 00:41:10.417 Um, listen. 943 00:41:11.250 --> 00:41:13.583 I just want to say, I... 944 00:41:13.667 --> 00:41:15.833 I didn't ditch you guys. I just-- You were like my-- 945 00:41:15.917 --> 00:41:17.000 No, I get it. 946 00:41:17.083 --> 00:41:18.625 You got to go with the alphas. 947 00:41:18.708 --> 00:41:20.667 I'm actually becoming an alpha myself. 948 00:41:20.750 --> 00:41:22.625 -[shrieks] -Ah! What?! What? 949 00:41:22.708 --> 00:41:23.708 [exhales] Oh. 950 00:41:24.667 --> 00:41:26.667 -N-Nothing happened. -Oh, yeah. 951 00:41:26.750 --> 00:41:29.583 No, I know. I just thought, like, something might. 952 00:41:30.625 --> 00:41:32.708 [both sigh and chuckle] 953 00:41:32.792 --> 00:41:34.667 Anyhow. Cheers. 954 00:41:38.958 --> 00:41:39.958 -[Jack] Guys! -[shrieks] 955 00:41:40.042 --> 00:41:41.792 [Jack] Get down here! 956 00:41:41.875 --> 00:41:43.875 [people chattering] 957 00:41:43.958 --> 00:41:46.958 [♪ upbeat music playing] 958 00:41:51.167 --> 00:41:52.375 Whoa. 959 00:41:52.458 --> 00:41:54.875 It's the pajama party. 960 00:41:54.958 --> 00:41:56.375 [Jack] You guys think they have Jell-O shots? 961 00:41:56.458 --> 00:41:57.458 [Lizzy] Who cares? 962 00:41:57.542 --> 00:41:58.542 [Ashley] Montgomery! 963 00:41:59.417 --> 00:42:00.833 -Montgomery! -[Montgomery] Oh, my God. 964 00:42:00.917 --> 00:42:03.958 -Ashley's here. -Montgomery! Come meet my friends! 965 00:42:04.042 --> 00:42:05.292 -What should I do? -Nothing. 966 00:42:05.375 --> 00:42:06.708 -Should I go talk to her? -[Jack] No. 967 00:42:06.792 --> 00:42:08.208 -[Lizzy] Montgomery. -Come on, we have a fucking mission. 968 00:42:08.292 --> 00:42:09.500 Okay, I won't. 969 00:42:11.792 --> 00:42:14.125 I-I'm not gonna go talk to her, I'm just gonna go talk to her. 970 00:42:14.208 --> 00:42:15.625 -Get the fuck back over here. -Montgomery. 971 00:42:15.708 --> 00:42:16.917 -Wish me luck. -[both] No! 972 00:42:17.000 --> 00:42:19.083 -Bad luck, you fucker. There he goes. -[Lizzy] Fuck. 973 00:42:19.167 --> 00:42:22.208 I'm honestly a little proud of him. Any other night, this would be great. 974 00:42:24.167 --> 00:42:25.583 Wait, whose dorm is this? 975 00:42:25.667 --> 00:42:29.000 [♪ upbeat music continues playing] 976 00:42:29.083 --> 00:42:30.708 This is a football party. 977 00:42:30.792 --> 00:42:33.542 Yo, we got kegs, beer pong, and I'm legally required 978 00:42:33.625 --> 00:42:36.125 to tell you I'm a registered sex offender. 979 00:42:36.208 --> 00:42:38.583 [Lizzy] It's fine. Let's just keep moving and get to the pizza. 980 00:42:39.625 --> 00:42:40.625 Jack? 981 00:42:40.708 --> 00:42:43.542 Come in, come in, come in. Guys, this is Montgomery. 982 00:42:43.625 --> 00:42:45.208 Montgomery, this is my band. 983 00:42:45.292 --> 00:42:48.083 Oh, hi. Nice to meet you guys. 984 00:42:48.167 --> 00:42:50.708 -[snarling] -'Kay. 985 00:42:50.792 --> 00:42:53.042 So, what type of music do you guys play? 986 00:42:53.125 --> 00:42:55.417 -We play folk music. -Oh, my gosh, I love folk. 987 00:42:55.500 --> 00:42:58.458 Yeah? Here. Flyers. [chuckles] 988 00:42:59.083 --> 00:43:01.292 -Oh. -Well, I guess technically, it's new wave, 989 00:43:01.375 --> 00:43:04.042 non-consensual Death Metal Folk. 990 00:43:04.125 --> 00:43:05.583 Uh, what type of instruments is that? 991 00:43:05.667 --> 00:43:08.292 So, George plays guitar, Simon's on horns, 992 00:43:08.375 --> 00:43:10.583 Tina's on drums, and I play Dudley. 993 00:43:10.667 --> 00:43:12.333 [muffled] Nice to meet you. 994 00:43:12.417 --> 00:43:14.333 -You play Dudley? -Yeah. 995 00:43:14.417 --> 00:43:17.667 I hook him up to this machine that simulates the pains of childbirth, 996 00:43:17.750 --> 00:43:20.750 and then I create harmonies from his extracted screams. 997 00:43:21.833 --> 00:43:23.458 -Fantastic. -Yeah. 998 00:43:23.542 --> 00:43:25.750 -Hey! -Ah! Oh, it's you. Okay. 999 00:43:25.833 --> 00:43:27.167 What are you doing under here? Come on, let's go. 1000 00:43:27.250 --> 00:43:28.875 Are you nuts? 1001 00:43:28.958 --> 00:43:31.792 These animals will eat me alive. No, I'm staying right here. 1002 00:43:31.875 --> 00:43:33.708 Fine, whatever. I'll just go figure out a way 1003 00:43:33.792 --> 00:43:35.042 to get this pizza without you. 1004 00:43:35.125 --> 00:43:37.292 Great, good. Just go ditch us again. 1005 00:43:37.375 --> 00:43:39.458 -Can you just stop with that, okay? -Oh. 1006 00:43:39.542 --> 00:43:41.042 -Because I didn't ditch you guys. -No? 1007 00:43:41.125 --> 00:43:42.875 You were like my first-month-of-school friends, 1008 00:43:42.958 --> 00:43:45.125 and then I found my real friends, and it happens to everyone. 1009 00:43:45.208 --> 00:43:46.208 Your real friends? 1010 00:43:46.292 --> 00:43:47.625 -Yes. -Give me a fucking break. 1011 00:43:47.708 --> 00:43:49.417 They don't like you, they like your credit card. 1012 00:43:49.500 --> 00:43:50.583 -[gasps] -[gasps mockingly] 1013 00:43:50.667 --> 00:43:52.125 You have no idea what you're talking about. 1014 00:43:52.208 --> 00:43:55.083 You're just jealous because you're you... 1015 00:43:55.167 --> 00:43:57.375 [in Lizzy's voice] ...and I'm [in Jack's voice] me. 1016 00:43:59.458 --> 00:44:00.667 What just happened to my voice? 1017 00:44:02.667 --> 00:44:04.875 And why am I looking at me? 1018 00:44:06.958 --> 00:44:07.958 Oh. 1019 00:44:08.500 --> 00:44:09.708 Oh, my God. 1020 00:44:09.792 --> 00:44:12.167 Am I in your body? 1021 00:44:13.083 --> 00:44:16.083 [♪ "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss playing] 1022 00:44:17.583 --> 00:44:20.250 I don't know if you know this, but I recently became an alpha. 1023 00:44:20.333 --> 00:44:23.042 -[thud] -Oh, nice! Is this the coke room? 1024 00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:26.167 [grunting] Whoops. Sorry about that. 1025 00:44:26.750 --> 00:44:29.917 Anyhow, like I was saying, I hate soy boy beta cucks. 1026 00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:32.000 Did you just apologize to him? 1027 00:44:33.542 --> 00:44:35.458 Yeah. I mean, no. I mean-- 1028 00:44:35.542 --> 00:44:37.417 Okay, I think I'm just gonna go hang out 1029 00:44:37.500 --> 00:44:38.750 -with my friends. -Wait, uh... 1030 00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:43.417 [Ashley] Montgomery? 1031 00:44:44.625 --> 00:44:47.250 -[♪ gentle flute music playing] -[Montgomery] Huh? 1032 00:44:47.333 --> 00:44:50.667 What's going on? Where am I? 1033 00:44:50.750 --> 00:44:53.708 Wait. Oh, my God! Am I...? 1034 00:44:53.792 --> 00:44:54.792 [♪ dramatic music sting] 1035 00:44:54.875 --> 00:44:56.833 [high-pitched voice] What the fuck is this fucking drug? 1036 00:44:56.917 --> 00:44:59.917 [♪ party music thumping] 1037 00:45:02.708 --> 00:45:03.708 Are you okay? 1038 00:45:03.792 --> 00:45:06.083 [deep voice] I crave nectar. 1039 00:45:06.958 --> 00:45:07.958 Sorry? 1040 00:45:08.042 --> 00:45:13.500 I... crave... nectar. 1041 00:45:14.208 --> 00:45:16.958 Jack, did you paint your fingernails with Sharpie? 1042 00:45:17.042 --> 00:45:19.167 -Shut up, they look great. -What's wrong with you? 1043 00:45:19.250 --> 00:45:20.583 Yo. 1044 00:45:20.667 --> 00:45:22.583 -Lizzy? -[Jack, as Lizzy] Yeah? 1045 00:45:22.667 --> 00:45:24.208 Hm? 1046 00:45:24.292 --> 00:45:26.500 I'm not talking to you. Lizzy. 1047 00:45:26.583 --> 00:45:28.667 -What? -Stop it. 1048 00:45:28.750 --> 00:45:31.833 Dude, what are you doing down here with freak-ass face? 1049 00:45:31.917 --> 00:45:36.542 [laughing] Actually, I'm hanging out with him because he fucking rules. 1050 00:45:36.625 --> 00:45:38.917 No! No, you don't think that. You think I blow. 1051 00:45:39.000 --> 00:45:40.250 -No, I don't. -Yeah, you do. 1052 00:45:40.333 --> 00:45:41.583 -No, I don't. -Yeah, you do. 1053 00:45:41.667 --> 00:45:44.292 No, I don't, and I really wouldn't call his face freak-ass. 1054 00:45:44.375 --> 00:45:45.875 I would call it distinguished. 1055 00:45:45.958 --> 00:45:47.375 And I don't know why people keep saying that. 1056 00:45:47.458 --> 00:45:48.667 Yeah, you fucker, you do. 1057 00:45:48.750 --> 00:45:50.208 You think people should spit in my face. 1058 00:45:50.292 --> 00:45:51.500 -Spit in my face. -[spitting] 1059 00:45:52.583 --> 00:45:53.917 Thank you. 1060 00:45:54.667 --> 00:45:58.417 'Kay. Well, we're over by the bar. Come hang. 1061 00:45:59.583 --> 00:46:01.042 What are you waiting for? Go hang. 1062 00:46:01.125 --> 00:46:02.625 I'm not hanging out with those assholes. 1063 00:46:02.708 --> 00:46:05.625 You go to them, or... I will rip your dick off! 1064 00:46:05.708 --> 00:46:08.875 Oh, you touch my dick, I will piss your skort. 1065 00:46:08.958 --> 00:46:11.042 [Tiffany] Lizzy! Jell-O shots! 1066 00:46:11.125 --> 00:46:14.125 [♪ entrancing music playing] 1067 00:46:15.458 --> 00:46:17.208 -Okay, fine. -Yes. Thank you. 1068 00:46:17.292 --> 00:46:19.250 -But you owe me one. -Sure. 1069 00:46:19.333 --> 00:46:21.625 Just make me look good, please. Please. 1070 00:46:21.708 --> 00:46:23.542 -'Kay. -Yeah, no shit. 1071 00:46:23.625 --> 00:46:26.208 -What's up, sluts? -God, Jack. 1072 00:46:26.292 --> 00:46:29.208 -[groaning] -Let's do some Jell-O shots! 1073 00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:31.917 Hey, dude, could you grab that ball? 1074 00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:35.125 Also, I am legally required to inform you I'm a registered sex offender. 1075 00:46:35.208 --> 00:46:36.208 Huh? 1076 00:46:36.292 --> 00:46:38.208 Wait. It's you! 1077 00:46:38.292 --> 00:46:39.792 It's me? Oh, fuck, it's me. 1078 00:46:39.875 --> 00:46:42.042 Oh, fuck! Ah, my purse! 1079 00:46:42.125 --> 00:46:45.125 [♪ electronic classical music playing] 1080 00:46:47.917 --> 00:46:50.708 [Montgomery, as Lysander] This can't be real. This can't be real. 1081 00:46:50.792 --> 00:46:53.625 I can't see shit. This face sucks! 1082 00:46:53.708 --> 00:46:56.542 [♪ music intensifying] 1083 00:46:56.625 --> 00:46:58.083 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Whoa! 'Scuse me. 1084 00:46:58.167 --> 00:46:59.417 I shall have nectar! 1085 00:47:01.042 --> 00:47:03.167 [Montgomery, as Lysander] I hope Lysander's being responsible with my body. 1086 00:47:03.250 --> 00:47:04.458 Hey, man, do a bump. 1087 00:47:06.833 --> 00:47:08.042 Nectar! 1088 00:47:08.958 --> 00:47:10.333 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Where are the stairs?! 1089 00:47:13.042 --> 00:47:17.667 [friends chanting] Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! 1090 00:47:17.750 --> 00:47:19.125 Ow! Ow! 1091 00:47:19.208 --> 00:47:21.417 -Ow! Ow! -Yo, yo, yo. Hey, yo. 1092 00:47:21.500 --> 00:47:23.833 -What are you doing? -Oh, Logan, thank God. 1093 00:47:23.917 --> 00:47:26.125 -You gotta hit him way harder than that. -[groaning] Huh? 1094 00:47:26.208 --> 00:47:27.917 You gotta lean into it. Use your back. 1095 00:47:28.000 --> 00:47:29.208 -Ow! -[Logan] Yes! 1096 00:47:29.292 --> 00:47:31.458 -That's that shit I'm talkin' 'bout, baby! -[Jack] Ow! 1097 00:47:31.542 --> 00:47:33.750 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Oh, come on. Where are the-- 1098 00:47:33.833 --> 00:47:35.583 Stairs! [panting] 1099 00:47:35.667 --> 00:47:39.417 How does Lysander do this all the time? 1100 00:47:39.500 --> 00:47:40.917 I gotta take a break. 1101 00:47:41.000 --> 00:47:42.208 -[panting] -[voice] Eyes front. 1102 00:47:42.292 --> 00:47:44.500 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Wait, that voice. Is that...? 1103 00:47:45.792 --> 00:47:49.000 Advisors, prepare yourselves. 1104 00:47:49.083 --> 00:47:51.417 Just down that hall... 1105 00:47:52.583 --> 00:47:54.583 there is a pajama party. 1106 00:47:54.667 --> 00:47:55.875 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Oh no. 1107 00:47:55.958 --> 00:48:00.375 And in it, are the remaining students on our list. 1108 00:48:01.042 --> 00:48:02.083 [Montgomery, as Lysander] List? 1109 00:48:02.167 --> 00:48:06.792 This list contains the name of every student in this dorm 1110 00:48:06.875 --> 00:48:08.792 that has made our lives a living hell. 1111 00:48:08.875 --> 00:48:10.375 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Alright, let me see. [gasps] 1112 00:48:10.458 --> 00:48:12.458 What?! No! Holy shit! 1113 00:48:13.292 --> 00:48:17.125 Did you also just hear the tiniest voice in the world say, "Holy shit"? [chuckles] 1114 00:48:18.208 --> 00:48:19.750 We move quickly. 1115 00:48:19.833 --> 00:48:23.833 We confiscate their phones, unlock them with our secret weapon, 1116 00:48:23.917 --> 00:48:27.208 and then use them to submit a very specific housing request... 1117 00:48:28.208 --> 00:48:32.208 to transfer them to the worst dorm at this school. 1118 00:48:32.292 --> 00:48:33.458 [Montgomery, as Lysander] [gasps] What?! 1119 00:48:33.542 --> 00:48:35.167 I'm of course talking about... 1120 00:48:36.667 --> 00:48:38.500 Gralk Hall. 1121 00:48:39.042 --> 00:48:40.042 [bird cawing] 1122 00:48:40.125 --> 00:48:45.208 Located four hours away on a satellite campus forgotten by God. 1123 00:48:45.292 --> 00:48:47.167 [thunder crashing] 1124 00:48:47.250 --> 00:48:51.083 Lit by candle, plumbed by aqueduct, 1125 00:48:51.167 --> 00:48:55.333 and heated by the bitter breath of unheard prayers. 1126 00:48:55.417 --> 00:48:59.167 Gralk is a cemetery for the living. 1127 00:48:59.250 --> 00:49:02.250 -[thundering] -It turns even the good kids 1128 00:49:02.333 --> 00:49:05.333 into unforgiving feral beasts. 1129 00:49:05.417 --> 00:49:08.042 -[growling and snarling] -[yelling] 1130 00:49:10.667 --> 00:49:16.500 [Blake] [singing] ♪ Banished to Gralk, the kids fade fast ♪ 1131 00:49:16.583 --> 00:49:20.208 ♪ Each breath more distant ♪ 1132 00:49:20.292 --> 00:49:22.917 ♪ Than the last ♪ 1133 00:49:23.583 --> 00:49:26.833 ♪ Their lives are over ♪ 1134 00:49:26.917 --> 00:49:30.167 ♪ They never call ♪ 1135 00:49:30.250 --> 00:49:33.250 ♪ Forgotten names ♪ 1136 00:49:33.333 --> 00:49:37.958 ♪ Inside Gralk Hall ♪ 1137 00:49:39.958 --> 00:49:42.375 Sorry. I, like, totally blacked out. 1138 00:49:42.458 --> 00:49:44.042 [giggles] Could you repeat that? 1139 00:49:44.125 --> 00:49:46.667 Go away! We don't like you, okay? 1140 00:49:46.750 --> 00:49:48.083 Go anywhere else but here. 1141 00:49:48.167 --> 00:49:49.417 For sure. 1142 00:49:49.500 --> 00:49:51.917 The rest of you... let's move out. 1143 00:49:53.583 --> 00:49:55.917 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Oh, God! I gotta get back! I gotta warn him! 1144 00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:57.708 Yeah, I ordered everything off the menu. 1145 00:49:57.792 --> 00:49:59.917 Got the flank steak, got the hanger steak, 1146 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.417 -got the filet mignon... -[Montgomery] Nectar! 1147 00:50:01.500 --> 00:50:03.125 -...got the duck confit, got the gumbo... -[Montgomery inhaling deeply] 1148 00:50:03.208 --> 00:50:05.208 ...got the milkshake, chocolate and vanilla-- 1149 00:50:05.292 --> 00:50:08.083 Hey, what the fuck, man? Who the fuck are you? 1150 00:50:09.125 --> 00:50:12.375 I am Lysander Featherhelm, third of his name, 1151 00:50:12.458 --> 00:50:14.500 Lord of the Syracuse Meadows. 1152 00:50:14.583 --> 00:50:16.917 I serve the one God Montgomery, 1153 00:50:17.000 --> 00:50:19.792 and I shall have my nectar! 1154 00:50:19.875 --> 00:50:21.625 -[fabric tearing] -[shrieking] 1155 00:50:24.917 --> 00:50:26.333 What the fuck?! 1156 00:50:30.625 --> 00:50:32.250 [Jack, as Lizzy] I'm not Jack! 1157 00:50:32.333 --> 00:50:35.208 -Yes! Yes! -Ow! [groans] 1158 00:50:35.292 --> 00:50:38.167 Oh! Oh, shit. Yo, I gotta bounce. 1159 00:50:38.250 --> 00:50:40.125 -The party bus is here. -Wait! You need Lizzy, you need Lizzy! 1160 00:50:40.208 --> 00:50:41.417 She's right over there. She's right over there. 1161 00:50:41.500 --> 00:50:42.750 [friends chanting] Lizzy! Lizzy! 1162 00:50:42.833 --> 00:50:44.167 Shit. Yes. 1163 00:50:44.250 --> 00:50:47.500 Guess we need her credit card. Ugh! Whatever. 1164 00:50:47.583 --> 00:50:50.417 -She'll meet us there. -[friends] Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! 1165 00:50:50.500 --> 00:50:54.542 -Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! -Yes! I rule the sch-- 1166 00:50:54.625 --> 00:50:57.667 --ool! Oh, fuck. Ow! 1167 00:50:57.750 --> 00:50:59.417 Lizzy! Lizzy! 1168 00:50:59.500 --> 00:51:02.667 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 1169 00:51:02.750 --> 00:51:06.208 [Montgomery, as Lysander] [panting] Come on, Montgomery. Fly! Fly! 1170 00:51:06.292 --> 00:51:08.792 -[grunting] -Oh, my God. Montgomery? Are you okay? 1171 00:51:08.875 --> 00:51:11.625 Yeah. [hiccups, burps] Wait, what did I do? 1172 00:51:14.125 --> 00:51:17.042 Ugh! Ew. 1173 00:51:17.125 --> 00:51:19.333 [vent whirring] 1174 00:51:19.417 --> 00:51:20.500 Disgusting. 1175 00:51:20.583 --> 00:51:21.792 [Ashley] Okay, wow. 1176 00:51:21.875 --> 00:51:23.542 I mean, that was kind of incredible. 1177 00:51:23.625 --> 00:51:25.042 [chuckles] Yeah. Wait, what was? 1178 00:51:25.125 --> 00:51:27.000 You dominated that guy. 1179 00:51:27.083 --> 00:51:28.167 -It-- -I, I don't know. I'm sorry. 1180 00:51:28.250 --> 00:51:29.708 Actually, I gotta go. But nice seeing you! 1181 00:51:29.792 --> 00:51:31.792 -Hang later, bye! -Oh, okay, well, uh, see you later! 1182 00:51:35.255 --> 00:51:36.250 [groans] 1183 00:51:36.333 --> 00:51:39.708 So, thanks for making me look good. 1184 00:51:39.792 --> 00:51:41.500 -I owe you one. -You owe me two. 1185 00:51:41.583 --> 00:51:43.083 -One. -One and a half? 1186 00:51:43.167 --> 00:51:44.333 Zero. 1187 00:51:44.417 --> 00:51:45.833 -One. -Deal. 1188 00:51:45.917 --> 00:51:47.208 Oh! Oh, my God. 1189 00:51:47.292 --> 00:51:48.417 -What? -They're outside. 1190 00:51:48.500 --> 00:51:50.208 -Who? -They're kicking kids to Gralk Hall. 1191 00:51:50.292 --> 00:51:51.833 -Who is? -We gotta get outta here. 1192 00:51:51.917 --> 00:51:53.917 -What are you talking about, man? -Am I on cocaine? 1193 00:51:54.000 --> 00:51:56.625 -[knocking] -Hide. 1194 00:51:56.708 --> 00:51:58.500 -[♪ ominous music playing] -RAs! 1195 00:51:58.583 --> 00:52:02.208 -[partiers screaming] -Room check! 1196 00:52:02.292 --> 00:52:04.292 [indistinct chatter] 1197 00:52:07.333 --> 00:52:10.000 -[partiers screaming] -[grunts] 1198 00:52:10.083 --> 00:52:11.500 Oh, I can't believe that fucking worked. 1199 00:52:11.583 --> 00:52:13.167 Is someone there? No, please! 1200 00:52:13.250 --> 00:52:15.042 I'm stuck in here! You gotta help me! 1201 00:52:15.125 --> 00:52:17.042 I'm gonna go fucking crazy! 1202 00:52:18.500 --> 00:52:19.708 -Oh, shit! -Oh! RAs! 1203 00:52:19.792 --> 00:52:21.458 -[Jack] In here. -[Lizzy] Go, go, go, go, go. 1204 00:52:21.542 --> 00:52:23.375 [Montgomery] Shut it, shut it, shut it! 1205 00:52:23.958 --> 00:52:25.708 Monty, what the hell is going on? 1206 00:52:25.792 --> 00:52:28.167 The RAs are taking people's phones and using them 1207 00:52:28.250 --> 00:52:32.167 to request room transfers to Gralk Hall, and our names are on the list! 1208 00:52:32.250 --> 00:52:34.458 Fuck! If we get sent to Gralk Hall, 1209 00:52:34.542 --> 00:52:36.583 it won't even matter if we stop this drug. 1210 00:52:36.667 --> 00:52:38.458 I mean, what life will we even have left to live? 1211 00:52:38.542 --> 00:52:41.208 I know! Ashley will never date me, 1212 00:52:41.292 --> 00:52:44.042 I'll probably get scurvy, and they don't have any single rooms. 1213 00:52:44.125 --> 00:52:45.542 [Lizzy] What about me? 1214 00:52:45.625 --> 00:52:48.208 If I get sent to Gralk, then Logan will probably never talk to me again. 1215 00:52:48.292 --> 00:52:50.042 Oh, this again. At least you'll survive. 1216 00:52:50.125 --> 00:52:52.500 These kids are gonna rip me apart like a pack of wild dogs. 1217 00:52:52.583 --> 00:52:55.417 Let's just focus up. The RAs need our phones, right? 1218 00:52:55.500 --> 00:52:57.875 So, we just need to get the pizza and get out of the dorms, 1219 00:52:57.958 --> 00:53:01.417 and then we won't get chainsawed or Gralked. 1220 00:53:01.500 --> 00:53:04.542 Okay? And in the meantime, we'll just hide here in the... 1221 00:53:04.625 --> 00:53:06.375 [♪ dramatic musical sting] 1222 00:53:06.458 --> 00:53:07.542 Oh, no. 1223 00:53:07.625 --> 00:53:09.708 [Sidney] Just grabbing something from the meeting room, I'll be right there. 1224 00:53:09.792 --> 00:53:11.292 -Cremble sauce! -Language. 1225 00:53:11.375 --> 00:53:12.375 [whispers] How do we get outta here? 1226 00:53:13.542 --> 00:53:14.958 Vent! We go through the vent. 1227 00:53:15.042 --> 00:53:16.375 -You wanna crawl through the vent? -Are you insane? 1228 00:53:16.458 --> 00:53:17.833 -We're not crawling into a vent. -What are you talking about? 1229 00:53:17.917 --> 00:53:19.167 We need to think of something realistic. 1230 00:53:19.500 --> 00:53:22.042 [Sidney] Don't have too much fun without me! 1231 00:53:22.125 --> 00:53:24.750 [chuckles, groans] 1232 00:53:26.333 --> 00:53:28.167 You are blowing it! 1233 00:53:29.250 --> 00:53:30.875 Pull yourself together, Sidney. 1234 00:53:33.458 --> 00:53:36.292 -Hi. -Oh, my God, I'm sorry. 1235 00:53:36.375 --> 00:53:38.125 I didn't realize there were other people in here. 1236 00:53:38.208 --> 00:53:40.292 Uh, I'm Sidney. I'm new here. 1237 00:53:40.375 --> 00:53:41.792 -Still meeting all the RAs. -[Lizzy] Hi. 1238 00:53:41.875 --> 00:53:42.917 -[Jack] How's it going? -[Montgomery] Good tidings. 1239 00:53:43.000 --> 00:53:45.375 -Uh, well, we really-- We gotta get going. -[Jack] Mm. 1240 00:53:45.458 --> 00:53:47.917 Oh, actually, do you mind if I ask you some questions? 1241 00:53:48.000 --> 00:53:50.000 I'm having kind of a hard time fitting in. 1242 00:53:50.083 --> 00:53:52.875 Ooh, we really, really gotta go, though. 1243 00:53:54.375 --> 00:53:57.125 Yeah, it's, um-- Obviously, things are, like, crazy right now. 1244 00:53:57.208 --> 00:53:59.625 You guys probably have official RA duties to do, right? 1245 00:53:59.708 --> 00:54:01.500 -[warbling] -No. 1246 00:54:03.083 --> 00:54:05.500 I mean, no. What?! 1247 00:54:05.583 --> 00:54:07.375 -Hm? -Sorry about him. 1248 00:54:07.458 --> 00:54:10.625 What he means to say is no. 1249 00:54:10.708 --> 00:54:12.167 No. No. 1250 00:54:12.250 --> 00:54:15.125 Look, the truth is... [struggling] 1251 00:54:15.208 --> 00:54:17.417 no, we don't have any RA duties. 1252 00:54:18.333 --> 00:54:21.292 Great. So, we can talk. Let's grab a seat. 1253 00:54:21.833 --> 00:54:24.250 [lights zapping] 1254 00:54:25.542 --> 00:54:27.542 [gavel banging] 1255 00:54:27.625 --> 00:54:32.000 So, I just started, and I feel like everyone's mad at me, you know? 1256 00:54:32.083 --> 00:54:35.000 But I don't know why, 'cause I'm trying really hard and being nice. 1257 00:54:35.083 --> 00:54:38.458 And I guess I'm just looking for ways to connect with the other RAs. 1258 00:54:38.542 --> 00:54:41.708 Um, like, you know, what do you guys do in your free time? 1259 00:54:41.792 --> 00:54:43.583 Oh, not much. Sometimes I Google, 1260 00:54:43.667 --> 00:54:45.375 "Is my penis foreskin too long?" 1261 00:54:47.208 --> 00:54:48.208 [Sidney] Hm. 1262 00:54:49.833 --> 00:54:51.333 Yeah. Well. 1263 00:54:51.417 --> 00:54:53.292 I guess I meant more like communal activities. 1264 00:54:53.375 --> 00:54:55.708 Like, do you guys go to the gym together or exercise, or-- 1265 00:54:55.792 --> 00:54:58.125 I only go to the gym to sneak peeks at other guys' foreskin 1266 00:54:58.208 --> 00:55:00.292 to see if mine is way longer than normal. 1267 00:55:00.917 --> 00:55:02.125 [whispering] What the fuck? 1268 00:55:02.708 --> 00:55:03.708 [Sidney] Totally. 1269 00:55:03.792 --> 00:55:06.250 Um, I'm just gonna pivot away from the moment you're having, 1270 00:55:06.333 --> 00:55:07.917 and I'll pop it over to you. 1271 00:55:08.000 --> 00:55:09.750 -Pass. -No, can't pass. 1272 00:55:09.833 --> 00:55:11.667 Just trying to see if we're into the same things. 1273 00:55:11.750 --> 00:55:13.250 Like, what'd you do last Saturday? 1274 00:55:13.333 --> 00:55:15.875 Oh, nothing really. I had breakfast, 1275 00:55:15.958 --> 00:55:17.708 and then I got banned from OldBuffDaddies.com 1276 00:55:17.792 --> 00:55:19.458 for violating their terms of service. 1277 00:55:20.750 --> 00:55:24.375 I don't want to ask, but I need to know. 1278 00:55:24.458 --> 00:55:26.083 -What'd you do? -I tried to pay a prostitute 1279 00:55:26.167 --> 00:55:29.250 to impersonate my father and pay me compliments. 1280 00:55:30.625 --> 00:55:33.042 Okay, feel like I need to change how I'm asking the questions. 1281 00:55:33.125 --> 00:55:35.583 I'm not talking about weird stuff you've done on the internet. 1282 00:55:35.667 --> 00:55:37.458 More like, "What's something you've done today?" 1283 00:55:37.542 --> 00:55:39.875 I purchased a pill that's reported to shrink foreskins by 35%. 1284 00:55:39.958 --> 00:55:41.167 -I'm done talking to ya. -Thank God. 1285 00:55:41.250 --> 00:55:42.667 -Maybe I'm talking to you. -Pass. 1286 00:55:42.750 --> 00:55:44.292 -There's no passing. -But I'm a woman. 1287 00:55:44.375 --> 00:55:46.083 -That won't work on me. -There should be passing. 1288 00:55:46.167 --> 00:55:47.958 -I didn't pass. -I'm not talking to you. 1289 00:55:48.042 --> 00:55:50.458 -Please don't. -[Sidney] Alright, you, blonde girl. 1290 00:55:50.542 --> 00:55:51.667 What have you done today? 1291 00:55:51.750 --> 00:55:53.500 I got my nails done. 1292 00:55:54.417 --> 00:55:56.917 -[sighs] -Okay, that's what I'm talking about. 1293 00:55:57.000 --> 00:55:59.667 Let's keep it in that gear, huh? What else? 1294 00:55:59.750 --> 00:56:01.792 I went number two in Logan's toilet, but it clogged, 1295 00:56:01.875 --> 00:56:03.500 and I didn't want him to see my poop, so I put it in a bag, 1296 00:56:03.583 --> 00:56:04.875 and that bag's still in my purse. 1297 00:56:09.042 --> 00:56:10.875 [clicking tongue] 'Kay. 1298 00:56:12.917 --> 00:56:14.250 -Are you okay? -No. 1299 00:56:14.333 --> 00:56:17.083 [Sidney] Okay... I gotta ask. 1300 00:56:17.167 --> 00:56:19.125 Why are y'all doing this stuff? 1301 00:56:19.208 --> 00:56:20.750 [all] Because I'm seeking external validation 1302 00:56:20.833 --> 00:56:23.250 to alleviate my deep-seated fear of being alone. 1303 00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:26.417 [Sidney] Oh, my gosh. 1304 00:56:27.417 --> 00:56:29.417 I think I'm starting to understand something. 1305 00:56:30.042 --> 00:56:32.250 [chuckles softly] You guys are friends 1306 00:56:32.333 --> 00:56:36.792 because you reveal your ugliest, darkest truths to one another, 1307 00:56:36.875 --> 00:56:38.292 and you don't judge each other for it. 1308 00:56:39.250 --> 00:56:41.250 That's what friendship is, huh? 1309 00:56:42.292 --> 00:56:43.917 So, I'll join ya. 1310 00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:47.583 I'm just gonna tell you guys something I've never told anyone before. 1311 00:56:47.667 --> 00:56:48.708 -You don't have to. -I'm gonna. 1312 00:56:48.792 --> 00:56:49.792 Okay. 1313 00:56:50.292 --> 00:56:52.792 My name is Sidney Putt. I am 31 years young. 1314 00:56:53.667 --> 00:56:55.667 I like to dress up as the Grinch in a diaper 1315 00:56:55.750 --> 00:56:59.167 while sucking down a bunch of helium [baby voice] so I sound like a baby. 1316 00:57:01.167 --> 00:57:03.167 [laughing] 1317 00:57:04.125 --> 00:57:05.750 That feels incredible to share. 1318 00:57:05.833 --> 00:57:07.833 Thank you all for creating the space for me to say that. 1319 00:57:09.750 --> 00:57:12.458 Great. Well, we really gotta get going. 1320 00:57:12.542 --> 00:57:14.125 Absolutely, yeah. 1321 00:57:14.208 --> 00:57:16.875 I'll, uh, I'll see you guys at the next RA meeting. 1322 00:57:16.958 --> 00:57:18.708 No, you won't, because we're not RAs. 1323 00:57:18.792 --> 00:57:20.917 We're students on the Gralk Hall list. 1324 00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:22.208 -Huh? -Uh... 1325 00:57:22.292 --> 00:57:23.375 -Blake! -Run! 1326 00:57:23.458 --> 00:57:25.667 -Blake! No. Blake! -Ooh. Oh, oh! Help! 1327 00:57:25.750 --> 00:57:27.917 -Help! Let go! -Help! No, stop it. 1328 00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:29.333 -[Montgomery] Let her go! -Help! Blake! 1329 00:57:29.417 --> 00:57:30.833 It's your first day. Why do you care? 1330 00:57:30.917 --> 00:57:33.125 -[overlapping yelling] -Let her go, or I'll throw it at you. 1331 00:57:33.208 --> 00:57:35.417 -Okay. Okay. -I'll do it. Don't test me. 1332 00:57:35.500 --> 00:57:37.750 -Okay. -I'm on the frickin' edge! 1333 00:57:37.833 --> 00:57:39.250 -[Sidney] Take it easy. -I'll do it! 1334 00:57:39.333 --> 00:57:40.333 No, you won't. 1335 00:57:41.292 --> 00:57:43.250 [Sidney shrieking] 1336 00:57:43.333 --> 00:57:46.042 -Yeah! Snackatron! -Hey! Hey, we're here! We're here! 1337 00:57:46.125 --> 00:57:47.250 [Snackatron] Hello, Montgomery. 1338 00:57:47.333 --> 00:57:49.250 -[cheering] -It's a robot? 1339 00:57:49.333 --> 00:57:51.417 [Snackatron] Before you receive your food from... 1340 00:57:51.500 --> 00:57:53.708 [worker] [on recording] I'm not doing it again. Get outta here. 1341 00:57:53.792 --> 00:57:55.500 [Snackatron] ...you must agree to the following terms. 1342 00:57:55.583 --> 00:57:56.667 -[phone buzzing] -Item one: 1343 00:57:56.750 --> 00:57:58.958 You agree not to sue Snackatron LLC 1344 00:57:59.042 --> 00:58:01.792 for any harm caused by Snackatron 3000 1345 00:58:01.875 --> 00:58:03.292 -during the delivery process. -Hey. Hi, Logan. 1346 00:58:03.375 --> 00:58:04.542 [Logan] [over phone] Lizzy! Where are you? 1347 00:58:04.625 --> 00:58:07.083 You have to pay the driver or he won't let me honk the horn! 1348 00:58:07.167 --> 00:58:08.667 Oh, uh, sorry. 1349 00:58:08.750 --> 00:58:11.083 Yeah, I just have to eat some pizza real quick. 1350 00:58:11.167 --> 00:58:14.042 [Logan] We've got pizza on the bus, just get here! 1351 00:58:14.125 --> 00:58:17.750 [Snackatron] You agree not to fall in love or lust with Snackatron. 1352 00:58:17.833 --> 00:58:20.250 Hey... uh, 1353 00:58:20.333 --> 00:58:22.792 -so they've got pizza on the bus. -[Jack] Mm. 1354 00:58:22.875 --> 00:58:24.167 [Lizzy] So, I'm gonna head there. 1355 00:58:24.250 --> 00:58:28.917 But, um, please don't tell anyone about my purse. 1356 00:58:29.000 --> 00:58:31.958 -Oh, it's just shit. -I've actually done the exact same thing. 1357 00:58:32.042 --> 00:58:34.250 [Snackatron] You may not teach Snackatron to be racist... 1358 00:58:34.333 --> 00:58:36.125 -Thanks, guys. I'll see you. -...and you may never, 1359 00:58:36.208 --> 00:58:39.125 ever ride Snackatron. Do you agree to these terms? 1360 00:58:39.208 --> 00:58:40.708 -Yes. -Please click agree. 1361 00:58:41.500 --> 00:58:43.708 -[Montgomery] Yes! Oh-ho-ho-ho! -[Jack] [laughing] Fuck yeah. 1362 00:58:43.792 --> 00:58:45.833 -Are you satisfied with your order? -[chiming] 1363 00:58:45.917 --> 00:58:47.542 God, let's eat this quick and get the fuck out of here 1364 00:58:47.625 --> 00:58:49.792 -before we get sent to Gralk Hall. -[sniffing deeply] 1365 00:58:49.875 --> 00:58:52.125 Wait, what were you saying before about single rooms? 1366 00:58:52.208 --> 00:58:54.542 Oh, nothing, just that I'm requesting a room transfer 1367 00:58:54.625 --> 00:58:56.458 because I don't want to live with you anymore. 1368 00:58:56.542 --> 00:58:58.750 [warbling] 1369 00:59:00.250 --> 00:59:01.333 What? 1370 00:59:01.417 --> 00:59:02.625 Hello, boys. 1371 00:59:03.875 --> 00:59:05.875 We've been looking for you. 1372 00:59:05.958 --> 00:59:09.000 You made quite the mess in my room. 1373 00:59:09.083 --> 00:59:11.292 So, are you satisfied with your order? 1374 00:59:11.375 --> 00:59:13.167 Collect their phones... 1375 00:59:14.250 --> 00:59:18.667 and take them to the Wellness Lounge. 1376 00:59:21.833 --> 00:59:23.042 [buzzer sounding] 1377 00:59:23.125 --> 00:59:25.542 Montgomery, are you satisfied with your order? 1378 00:59:25.625 --> 00:59:27.458 Are you satisfied with your order?! 1379 00:59:27.542 --> 00:59:30.542 [♪ calm, soothing music playing] 1380 00:59:31.250 --> 00:59:33.458 [groaning, belches] 1381 00:59:37.042 --> 00:59:39.042 [rattling] 1382 00:59:41.000 --> 00:59:43.833 -[lovers moaning] -[Montgomery] Wait, wait! Hey! Let us go! 1383 00:59:43.917 --> 00:59:45.333 We have rights, dammit! 1384 00:59:45.417 --> 00:59:47.583 -No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! -[both grunting] 1385 00:59:47.667 --> 00:59:52.167 [panting] Wait! You c-- don't understand! Wait! At least give us our pizza! 1386 00:59:52.958 --> 00:59:55.375 At least give us our pizza! We need to eat pizz-- 1387 00:59:56.750 --> 00:59:59.750 Do you have any pizza? Do you have any pizza? 1388 01:00:01.292 --> 01:00:03.292 Fuck, Jack. What do we do?! 1389 01:00:04.708 --> 01:00:06.625 You're requesting a room transfer? 1390 01:00:06.708 --> 01:00:09.333 No. Oh, good, we can lie again. Shit. 1391 01:00:09.417 --> 01:00:10.833 So, you're fucking ditching me? 1392 01:00:10.917 --> 01:00:13.333 -I'm not ditching you. -Well, kinda looks like it. 1393 01:00:13.417 --> 01:00:14.708 What the fuck else would you really call it? 1394 01:00:14.792 --> 01:00:16.417 -I-It's not what-- -Oh, don't start. 1395 01:00:16.500 --> 01:00:18.583 You know what, you are just like everybody else. 1396 01:00:18.667 --> 01:00:19.875 -But it's okay, it's fine. -Jack. 1397 01:00:19.958 --> 01:00:22.250 I get it, because being around me is just, what, social suicide? 1398 01:00:22.333 --> 01:00:23.875 -It's okay. -No-- That's not what I-- 1399 01:00:23.958 --> 01:00:26.375 Leave me behind. I might as well just move here 1400 01:00:26.458 --> 01:00:28.458 into the Wellness Lounge with my people... 1401 01:00:28.542 --> 01:00:30.583 -Jack. -...the scum, the forgotten folk! 1402 01:00:30.667 --> 01:00:31.792 -Jack. -But it's fine. 1403 01:00:31.875 --> 01:00:33.625 -I-I want-- Just-- -It's a five-star fucking establishment! 1404 01:00:33.708 --> 01:00:35.167 -I want some time-- -And you and your butterfly... 1405 01:00:35.250 --> 01:00:36.833 -Jack, I'm not-- -...can just forget that I exist. 1406 01:00:36.917 --> 01:00:38.208 -I'm not-- -I mean, after everything 1407 01:00:38.292 --> 01:00:40.958 I have done for you, you ungrateful asshole! 1408 01:00:41.042 --> 01:00:44.125 Oh, my God, would you stop being such a fucking victim? 1409 01:00:45.833 --> 01:00:49.125 I wanted to switch rooms because I need a fucking break. 1410 01:00:49.208 --> 01:00:51.667 [sighs] I'm sorry, Jack, but living with you, 1411 01:00:51.750 --> 01:00:53.750 it's like the Jack Show all the time. 1412 01:00:53.833 --> 01:00:56.417 You do whatever you want to do without thinking about anyone else. 1413 01:00:56.500 --> 01:00:58.750 Okay, well, when the fuck were you planning on telling me this? 1414 01:00:58.833 --> 01:01:01.042 -I'm not a mindreader. -You don't listen. 1415 01:01:01.125 --> 01:01:04.083 You ignore me and then pressure me to do shit that I don't want to do! 1416 01:01:04.167 --> 01:01:06.917 Name one thing I pressured you to do-- 1417 01:01:07.000 --> 01:01:08.333 Drugs! 1418 01:01:08.417 --> 01:01:10.500 I didn't wanna do drugs tonight! 1419 01:01:10.583 --> 01:01:13.042 I don't even like drinking caffeinated tea. 1420 01:01:13.125 --> 01:01:15.500 But boo-hoo, everybody hates Jack, 1421 01:01:15.583 --> 01:01:17.333 so we gotta do what you wanna do. 1422 01:01:17.417 --> 01:01:20.250 Because, apparently, I don't count. 1423 01:01:21.375 --> 01:01:25.333 And now we're locked up in here, we're gonna get chainsawed up the ass, 1424 01:01:25.417 --> 01:01:27.792 the RAs are sending us to Gralk Hall, and-- 1425 01:01:27.875 --> 01:01:29.875 [gagging] 1426 01:01:29.958 --> 01:01:31.167 What the, what the fuck? 1427 01:01:31.250 --> 01:01:32.458 [Montgomery groaning] 1428 01:01:32.542 --> 01:01:34.708 -What the hell is going on?! -[gagging] 1429 01:01:35.500 --> 01:01:38.125 And I have no idea what that was, but I know it was your fault! 1430 01:01:38.208 --> 01:01:39.625 [laughing] Oh, please. 1431 01:01:39.708 --> 01:01:41.708 If it wasn't for me, you'd never leave your room. 1432 01:01:41.792 --> 01:01:46.292 You would sit there, buried under your fucking covers, afraid to breathe, 1433 01:01:46.375 --> 01:01:51.792 because you are the most pathetic, biggest pussy I have ever met. 1434 01:01:53.583 --> 01:01:58.208 Gee, Jack, I really don't see why everybody hates your fucking guts. 1435 01:01:58.292 --> 01:02:00.042 -Fuck you. -Fuck you! 1436 01:02:00.125 --> 01:02:03.125 [♪ soft, dramatic music playing] 1437 01:02:07.708 --> 01:02:08.708 [door opens] 1438 01:02:10.167 --> 01:02:13.167 Him. Take him to the old Study Hall. 1439 01:02:14.796 --> 01:02:17.958 [Logan] So, remember when I said I wasn't gonna fart on their faces, and-- 1440 01:02:18.042 --> 01:02:19.042 Oh, shit! She's here. 1441 01:02:19.125 --> 01:02:23.458 [all] Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! 1442 01:02:23.542 --> 01:02:25.917 Sorry, uh, where's that pizza? 1443 01:02:26.000 --> 01:02:27.792 Oh shit, the pizza. 1444 01:02:27.875 --> 01:02:30.125 I just-- I lied to you because you were taking forever. 1445 01:02:30.208 --> 01:02:32.833 Also, why do you smell vaguely of poop? 1446 01:02:32.917 --> 01:02:35.667 -I'll be right back. -[Logan] Wait, you need to pay the driver! 1447 01:02:36.458 --> 01:02:37.792 [Snackatron] Are you satisfied with your order? 1448 01:02:37.875 --> 01:02:40.417 Are you satisfied with your order? Are you satisfied with your order? 1449 01:02:40.500 --> 01:02:43.167 Are you satisfied with your order? Are you satisfied with your order? 1450 01:02:43.250 --> 01:02:46.625 Snackatron? Did you see where those two guys went? 1451 01:02:46.708 --> 01:02:49.333 [Blake] [on recording] Take them to the Wellness Lounge. 1452 01:02:50.458 --> 01:02:53.083 [groans] Cremble sauce! 1453 01:02:53.167 --> 01:02:58.375 [Snackatron] I must know if Montgomery was satisfied with his order! 1454 01:03:07.375 --> 01:03:08.375 [Blake] Hello, Jack. 1455 01:03:09.958 --> 01:03:10.958 Welcome. 1456 01:03:12.167 --> 01:03:13.792 Do you like the old Study Hall? 1457 01:03:15.917 --> 01:03:19.917 This room was built as a sanctuary 1458 01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:23.833 for hardworking students to research their theses 1459 01:03:23.917 --> 01:03:25.917 and prepare for exams. 1460 01:03:27.417 --> 01:03:28.833 But now... 1461 01:03:30.375 --> 01:03:32.875 [softly] ...it's nothing but rubble. 1462 01:03:32.958 --> 01:03:33.958 [Jack] What? 1463 01:03:37.292 --> 01:03:39.917 -It's nothing but rubble. -Thank you. 1464 01:03:40.833 --> 01:03:42.458 The RAs recruited me young. 1465 01:03:43.667 --> 01:03:45.500 They promised me the world. 1466 01:03:46.792 --> 01:03:50.208 All I had to do was keep an eye on things after dark. 1467 01:03:51.083 --> 01:03:52.708 What they didn't mention... 1468 01:03:54.750 --> 01:03:57.750 is that the dark... never ends. 1469 01:03:59.042 --> 01:04:02.250 Try as I might, I couldn't calm the chaos. 1470 01:04:03.583 --> 01:04:06.000 This study hall was destroyed 1471 01:04:06.083 --> 01:04:09.667 when a drunken sophomore shot a Roman candle out of his ass 1472 01:04:09.750 --> 01:04:12.542 into a bucket of rum. 1473 01:04:12.625 --> 01:04:15.250 You see, there are no scholars here. 1474 01:04:16.542 --> 01:04:20.375 Only demons with student IDs. 1475 01:04:22.583 --> 01:04:25.417 And they must be purged. 1476 01:04:27.125 --> 01:04:30.625 All we need now is to unlock their phones, 1477 01:04:30.708 --> 01:04:34.125 and you, Jack, are the key. 1478 01:04:38.000 --> 01:04:43.208 Early internet message boards predicted the coming of the chosen face. 1479 01:04:44.500 --> 01:04:47.333 One so distinct, 1480 01:04:47.417 --> 01:04:48.833 so peculiar... 1481 01:04:49.833 --> 01:04:53.083 so utterly freak-ass... 1482 01:04:53.167 --> 01:04:57.083 -Oh, come on. -...it would profoundly beguile 1483 01:04:57.167 --> 01:04:59.375 every phone's Face ID. 1484 01:05:01.083 --> 01:05:02.833 A skeleton key. 1485 01:05:02.917 --> 01:05:07.333 For nearly all of fall semester, we have searched for this face. 1486 01:05:08.500 --> 01:05:10.708 And now, we've found it. 1487 01:05:14.000 --> 01:05:15.417 [phone unlocking] 1488 01:05:19.125 --> 01:05:21.125 One face to unlock them all. 1489 01:05:22.750 --> 01:05:25.958 Montgomery. Montgomery. 1490 01:05:26.042 --> 01:05:27.250 Montgomery. 1491 01:05:29.167 --> 01:05:32.125 -Where is the pizza? -The RAs took it. 1492 01:05:32.208 --> 01:05:34.292 Okay, well, come on. We-We-We gotta go get it. 1493 01:05:34.375 --> 01:05:36.375 -No, I'm done. -[door creaking] 1494 01:05:36.458 --> 01:05:39.667 I'm staying here, with the forgotten folk. 1495 01:05:40.208 --> 01:05:42.042 [whispers] What are you talking about? 1496 01:05:42.125 --> 01:05:44.167 Wait. How did you get in here? 1497 01:05:44.250 --> 01:05:47.250 -[door continues creaking] -The door only locks from the inside! 1498 01:05:49.208 --> 01:05:51.208 [groans] 1499 01:05:51.875 --> 01:05:52.875 [exhales] 1500 01:05:54.042 --> 01:05:56.042 Now, how are we gonna get outta here? 1501 01:05:56.125 --> 01:05:58.125 [vent whirring] 1502 01:06:05.792 --> 01:06:08.417 -[soft banging] -[Snackatron] Come on, come on. 1503 01:06:08.500 --> 01:06:11.458 You can do it. Prove them wrong, Snackatron. 1504 01:06:11.542 --> 01:06:13.375 Prove them all wrong! 1505 01:06:13.458 --> 01:06:16.750 -[♪ triumphant music playing] -[grunting] Yippee! 1506 01:06:16.833 --> 01:06:20.125 Only 182 left to go! 1507 01:06:21.333 --> 01:06:23.333 I can't believe we're crawling through a fucking vent. 1508 01:06:23.417 --> 01:06:25.625 Just keep going. It's gotta dump out somewhere. 1509 01:06:25.708 --> 01:06:28.542 Just wanted a quiet night in. 1510 01:06:28.625 --> 01:06:30.625 I keep getting friction burns. 1511 01:06:33.708 --> 01:06:35.542 Hey, why'd you stop? 1512 01:06:36.958 --> 01:06:37.958 Lysander? 1513 01:06:39.958 --> 01:06:41.292 Lysander? 1514 01:06:41.375 --> 01:06:44.208 Hey. Hey, buddy. You okay? 1515 01:06:47.625 --> 01:06:48.625 Lysander? 1516 01:06:50.458 --> 01:06:51.458 Hey. 1517 01:06:51.542 --> 01:06:54.542 -[Lysander exhales] -[♪ melancholy music playing] 1518 01:06:56.667 --> 01:06:57.667 He's... 1519 01:06:58.875 --> 01:06:59.875 dead. 1520 01:07:00.333 --> 01:07:03.083 [grunts] I can't... What the fuck? 1521 01:07:03.167 --> 01:07:04.875 -Montgomery? -Oh, what the hell? 1522 01:07:04.958 --> 01:07:06.833 -Oh, shit. I lost my butterfly. -Hey. Montgomery. 1523 01:07:06.917 --> 01:07:08.500 -Montgomery. -I lost my best friend. 1524 01:07:08.583 --> 01:07:11.208 You have to keep it together. We have to get the pizza from the RAs. 1525 01:07:11.292 --> 01:07:13.958 No! I can't, there's too many of 'em. 1526 01:07:14.042 --> 01:07:16.667 Jack was right. I'm not an alpha. 1527 01:07:16.750 --> 01:07:18.042 I'm a fucking pussy! 1528 01:07:18.125 --> 01:07:19.958 -Montgomery, Montgomery, calm down. -[breathing heavily] I'm having 1529 01:07:20.042 --> 01:07:21.500 -a panic attack! -Hey. Look at me. 1530 01:07:21.583 --> 01:07:22.958 -Look at me. -No. 1531 01:07:23.042 --> 01:07:24.917 -Look at me! Montgomery! -No! 1532 01:07:25.000 --> 01:07:27.417 -Just let me die! -Hey! 1533 01:07:28.583 --> 01:07:30.583 [Lizzy blowing softly] 1534 01:07:32.125 --> 01:07:34.125 [breathing slows] 1535 01:07:34.208 --> 01:07:35.958 [continues blowing softly] 1536 01:07:41.167 --> 01:07:44.167 [♪ gentle music playing] 1537 01:07:45.750 --> 01:07:48.375 Listen. You are not an alpha. 1538 01:07:49.750 --> 01:07:52.583 But you're also not a pussy. 1539 01:07:54.125 --> 01:07:57.125 You stood by your best friend when nobody else did. 1540 01:07:57.208 --> 01:07:58.417 That is brave. 1541 01:07:59.292 --> 01:08:01.292 I couldn't do that. 1542 01:08:02.917 --> 01:08:03.917 I, uh... 1543 01:08:05.000 --> 01:08:06.417 I didn't do that. 1544 01:08:08.625 --> 01:08:10.625 I ditched you guys. 1545 01:08:14.833 --> 01:08:16.917 I guess I thought that if I was friends with you, 1546 01:08:17.000 --> 01:08:20.625 then... people wouldn't like me. 1547 01:08:22.708 --> 01:08:27.708 But... turns out, people don't like me very much anyway. 1548 01:08:28.625 --> 01:08:31.458 What? Who doesn't like you? 1549 01:08:32.542 --> 01:08:35.750 You're, like, the coolest person I've ever met. 1550 01:08:36.458 --> 01:08:39.667 You're smart. You're good at board games. 1551 01:08:39.750 --> 01:08:41.375 You do magic. 1552 01:08:42.833 --> 01:08:45.458 I mean, you're Lizzy the Magnificent. 1553 01:08:45.542 --> 01:08:48.542 [♪ gentle music continues playing] 1554 01:08:55.542 --> 01:08:57.958 Sorry we didn't get to finish the game. 1555 01:08:58.042 --> 01:09:00.375 [singers vocalizing] 1556 01:09:00.458 --> 01:09:01.667 Yeah. 1557 01:09:01.750 --> 01:09:03.667 That would've been nice to finally-- 1558 01:09:03.750 --> 01:09:05.667 The game! That's it. 1559 01:09:05.750 --> 01:09:07.792 Remember last campaign, how we created 1560 01:09:07.875 --> 01:09:10.000 that musical distraction with the merry minstrels? 1561 01:09:11.208 --> 01:09:13.208 Y-Yeah, but what does that have to do with-- 1562 01:09:13.292 --> 01:09:15.708 Let's go storm the Fortress of Thalamir. 1563 01:09:16.417 --> 01:09:19.417 [♪ determined music playing] 1564 01:09:20.542 --> 01:09:21.958 -[Lizzy] Wait. -[♪ music stops abruptly] 1565 01:09:22.042 --> 01:09:24.333 -[WorryWarts clicking rapidly] -Sorry, I have no idea what we're doing. 1566 01:09:24.417 --> 01:09:26.167 Oh, right, I have to be more specific. 1567 01:09:26.250 --> 01:09:28.333 The RAs took Jack and the pizza to the old Study Hall, 1568 01:09:28.417 --> 01:09:30.042 and I have a plan to distract them. 1569 01:09:30.917 --> 01:09:32.000 Okay. 1570 01:09:32.083 --> 01:09:34.625 [♪ determined music resumes playing] 1571 01:09:34.708 --> 01:09:36.708 [phones unlocking] 1572 01:09:42.500 --> 01:09:44.708 [Snackatron] I am doing it! [grunts] 1573 01:09:44.792 --> 01:09:46.792 [singers vocalizing] 1574 01:09:52.542 --> 01:09:56.083 [grunting] There we go! 1575 01:09:59.792 --> 01:10:01.375 Still looking for a gig? 1576 01:10:01.458 --> 01:10:04.333 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -Sorry, I need more information. 1577 01:10:04.417 --> 01:10:06.208 Oh, right, sorry. I have to be more specific. 1578 01:10:06.292 --> 01:10:07.458 The RAs took Jack-- 1579 01:10:07.542 --> 01:10:08.835 [♪ determined musical sting] 1580 01:10:11.708 --> 01:10:15.125 That's the last phone. We're all set here, sir. 1581 01:10:16.792 --> 01:10:18.000 Listen up. 1582 01:10:19.500 --> 01:10:24.667 Tonight... is a momentous occasion. 1583 01:10:24.750 --> 01:10:28.792 The phones are all unlocked, synchronized, 1584 01:10:28.875 --> 01:10:31.500 -and wired to the control panel. -[timer beeping] 1585 01:10:31.583 --> 01:10:34.958 Soon, the transfer requests will be sent. 1586 01:10:35.042 --> 01:10:37.875 Our watch will finally be ended. 1587 01:10:37.958 --> 01:10:40.958 -[♪ distorted music playing] -And a bright, new day shall-- 1588 01:10:41.042 --> 01:10:43.042 Sorry, what is that music? 1589 01:10:43.125 --> 01:10:44.708 [microphone feedback] 1590 01:10:44.792 --> 01:10:49.208 We are Flesh Grenade! Get ready for some fucking folk music! 1591 01:10:50.250 --> 01:10:53.250 [♪ chaotic music playing] 1592 01:10:53.333 --> 01:10:55.542 [Dudley wailing] 1593 01:10:56.083 --> 01:10:59.083 What in the absolute fuck? 1594 01:11:01.792 --> 01:11:04.417 -What are you guys doing? -Shh! We're rescuing you. 1595 01:11:05.750 --> 01:11:07.958 -Hi. -Hi. 1596 01:11:08.875 --> 01:11:09.875 You look good. 1597 01:11:10.958 --> 01:11:12.167 Thank you, I know. 1598 01:11:12.250 --> 01:11:13.792 How've you been? 1599 01:11:13.875 --> 01:11:16.250 Fine. Like you care. 1600 01:11:17.250 --> 01:11:19.167 Well, if you're gonna talk like that, maybe I won't untie you. 1601 01:11:19.250 --> 01:11:21.000 -Maybe I don't wanna be untied. -Maybe I'll add more rope. 1602 01:11:21.083 --> 01:11:22.292 -[Jack mocking] -Shut the fuck up. 1603 01:11:22.375 --> 01:11:23.750 -What the fuck? Give that back! -Show's over. 1604 01:11:23.833 --> 01:11:25.708 -Get the fuck out. Let's go. -Give it back! No! 1605 01:11:25.792 --> 01:11:27.417 -[Blake] Everyone, get out. -[RA] Take it outside! 1606 01:11:27.500 --> 01:11:30.417 We only have a few moments, so you guys are gonna go get the phones, 1607 01:11:30.500 --> 01:11:32.750 I'm gonna go get the pizza, and then we're gonna reconvene 1608 01:11:32.833 --> 01:11:34.708 at the stairwell, and then sneak out quietly. 1609 01:11:34.792 --> 01:11:36.292 -Got it? -Got it. 1610 01:11:36.375 --> 01:11:37.417 -Great. -[Blake] Come on. 1611 01:11:37.500 --> 01:11:39.333 -[Ashley] Fuck you! -Let's move. 1612 01:11:40.208 --> 01:11:41.750 [Snackatron] Montgomery! 1613 01:11:41.833 --> 01:11:44.125 -Fuck! -Are you satisfied with your order? 1614 01:11:44.208 --> 01:11:45.417 Oh-ho! 1615 01:11:46.500 --> 01:11:48.708 Look who's joined the party! 1616 01:11:48.792 --> 01:11:50.792 The last names on my list. 1617 01:11:50.875 --> 01:11:52.458 -Montgomery? -Hi. 1618 01:11:52.542 --> 01:11:54.417 -Lizzy? -[Montgomery] Can I just ask? 1619 01:11:54.500 --> 01:11:57.250 Why am I being sent to Gralk Hall? 1620 01:11:57.333 --> 01:11:59.417 I'm a really well-behaved kid. 1621 01:11:59.500 --> 01:12:01.458 I mean, I'm polite, I'm nice. 1622 01:12:01.542 --> 01:12:03.500 I'm responsible with my body in the dorms. 1623 01:12:03.583 --> 01:12:05.375 I tell you guys my favorite puns. 1624 01:12:05.458 --> 01:12:06.792 You're weird, and we don't like you. 1625 01:12:06.875 --> 01:12:09.042 -Copy that. -[Lizzy] Fine, you caught us. 1626 01:12:09.125 --> 01:12:11.292 Can we at least just have the pizza? 1627 01:12:11.375 --> 01:12:12.500 Pizza? 1628 01:12:12.583 --> 01:12:14.083 Oh, this pizza. 1629 01:12:14.167 --> 01:12:16.667 Yeah, it feels like it's missing a topping. 1630 01:12:16.750 --> 01:12:18.208 Maybe, uh... 1631 01:12:18.292 --> 01:12:20.958 -[♪ dramatic music playing] -Toxic waste. 1632 01:12:21.042 --> 01:12:22.792 -What?! -No! 1633 01:12:22.875 --> 01:12:24.875 -Nooo! -[whooshing] 1634 01:12:26.250 --> 01:12:27.667 [Snackatron chirping] 1635 01:12:27.750 --> 01:12:32.208 Montgomery must be satisfied with his order! 1636 01:12:32.292 --> 01:12:34.542 [♪ epic music playing] 1637 01:12:34.625 --> 01:12:36.125 [group] Yes! 1638 01:12:36.208 --> 01:12:37.208 [Snackatron] Oh no! 1639 01:12:37.667 --> 01:12:39.583 -[loud crash] -Oh. 1640 01:12:39.667 --> 01:12:41.875 Goddammit, Snackatron. 1641 01:12:41.958 --> 01:12:43.292 [light laughter] 1642 01:12:43.375 --> 01:12:44.542 Ah. 1643 01:12:45.667 --> 01:12:47.292 -Well... -[knuckles cracking] 1644 01:12:47.375 --> 01:12:48.875 ...time to die. 1645 01:12:48.958 --> 01:12:50.708 What, are you gonna, like, fucking kill us? 1646 01:12:50.792 --> 01:12:53.125 We're not-- No, we're not gonna kill you. 1647 01:12:53.208 --> 01:12:54.958 We're gonna, like, beat you guys up a bunch. 1648 01:12:55.042 --> 01:12:57.125 But how does that sound? "Time to beat you guys up a bunch"? 1649 01:12:57.208 --> 01:12:58.583 It scans weird. 1650 01:12:58.667 --> 01:13:01.167 I-- Whatever, just hurt them. 1651 01:13:01.250 --> 01:13:03.625 -[warbling] -[sneakers squeaking] 1652 01:13:04.833 --> 01:13:06.667 [rumbling] 1653 01:13:06.750 --> 01:13:09.083 [Lizzy] [grunts] What's happening?! 1654 01:13:09.167 --> 01:13:12.250 Ah, shit, it's the next phase. 1655 01:13:12.333 --> 01:13:13.792 Which one is this? 1656 01:13:14.458 --> 01:13:16.458 We Are All One! 1657 01:13:17.375 --> 01:13:20.792 [♪ dramatic rock music playing] 1658 01:13:24.333 --> 01:13:26.125 [group screaming] 1659 01:13:29.042 --> 01:13:31.125 -[screaming stops] -[Lizzy] What the hell? 1660 01:13:31.208 --> 01:13:32.667 [Montgomery] Is everyone okay? 1661 01:13:32.750 --> 01:13:35.792 [Jack] What just happened? Where are we? 1662 01:13:35.875 --> 01:13:39.500 [Lizzy] I think we're all inside some guy? 1663 01:13:39.583 --> 01:13:42.542 [Montgomery] Oh, my God. I know what this is. 1664 01:13:42.625 --> 01:13:45.750 We're not one. We're... 1665 01:13:45.833 --> 01:13:48.250 Hola. My name is Juan. 1666 01:13:49.875 --> 01:13:52.292 -[marker scribbling] -[whip cracking] 1667 01:13:52.375 --> 01:13:53.917 [glass breaking] 1668 01:13:54.000 --> 01:13:56.375 [grunting] 1669 01:13:56.458 --> 01:13:57.792 [Juan] What the fuck is this fucking drug? 1670 01:13:57.875 --> 01:13:59.083 [grunting] Goddammit! 1671 01:13:59.167 --> 01:14:00.917 [Lizzy] Who's controlling the legs? 1672 01:14:01.000 --> 01:14:02.208 -[Jack] Me! -Who's me? 1673 01:14:02.292 --> 01:14:04.083 Jack! This is impossible! 1674 01:14:04.167 --> 01:14:05.250 -What's happening? -Shut up. 1675 01:14:05.333 --> 01:14:06.750 [Montgomery] We need to move as one! 1676 01:14:06.833 --> 01:14:09.458 -Did you say "Juan"? -I said "one." 1677 01:14:09.542 --> 01:14:11.292 -[group grunting] -"Move as one." 1678 01:14:11.375 --> 01:14:13.333 Wait! "One" or "Juan"? 1679 01:14:13.417 --> 01:14:15.208 -[Montgomery] One! -[Lizzy] It doesn't matter! Come on! 1680 01:14:15.292 --> 01:14:17.250 [grunting and exclaiming] 1681 01:14:17.333 --> 01:14:18.917 [Jack] Ow! Get off of me! 1682 01:14:19.000 --> 01:14:21.708 -[Montgomery] You get off of me! -[Lizzy] Guys, we need to focus. 1683 01:14:21.792 --> 01:14:23.792 -We're running out of time. -Enough. 1684 01:14:23.875 --> 01:14:26.500 -And we're about to get our asses kicked. -[Jack groaning softly] 1685 01:14:27.375 --> 01:14:29.000 [grunting] 1686 01:14:32.833 --> 01:14:34.042 Get 'em! 1687 01:14:34.833 --> 01:14:37.833 -[♪ dramatic music playing] -[fighting, grunting] 1688 01:14:38.917 --> 01:14:40.583 Whoa! 1689 01:14:41.667 --> 01:14:42.875 -Oh... -...my... 1690 01:14:42.958 --> 01:14:44.042 ...God! 1691 01:14:44.125 --> 01:14:45.542 Do something! 1692 01:14:47.458 --> 01:14:49.458 [indistinct shouting] 1693 01:14:49.542 --> 01:14:51.625 ♪♪ 1694 01:14:53.292 --> 01:14:55.500 [grunting] 1695 01:14:56.458 --> 01:14:57.458 [Lizzy] Hi-ya! 1696 01:14:59.042 --> 01:15:00.292 What is happening? 1697 01:15:00.375 --> 01:15:03.792 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1698 01:15:04.542 --> 01:15:06.167 [grunting] 1699 01:15:14.333 --> 01:15:15.833 Wait, wait, wait! Scorpion kick, scorpion kick! 1700 01:15:15.917 --> 01:15:17.542 Please, can we do a scorpion kick? 1701 01:15:17.625 --> 01:15:19.583 [grunting] 1702 01:15:21.750 --> 01:15:23.167 Thank you! 1703 01:15:23.250 --> 01:15:26.250 ♪♪ 1704 01:15:31.042 --> 01:15:33.000 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -[person clears throat] 1705 01:15:33.083 --> 01:15:35.417 -[♪ Christmas music playing] -Well, everyone, here I am. 1706 01:15:35.500 --> 01:15:37.708 The real me. I'm not hiding anymore. 1707 01:15:37.792 --> 01:15:39.375 [♪ music slowing, stopping] 1708 01:15:41.042 --> 01:15:42.250 Oh! 1709 01:15:42.333 --> 01:15:43.750 Good for you, man. 1710 01:15:45.833 --> 01:15:46.833 M'kay. 1711 01:15:47.458 --> 01:15:48.667 [balloon squeaks] 1712 01:15:49.375 --> 01:15:50.792 [in high-pitched voice] Y'all are freaks. 1713 01:15:52.792 --> 01:15:55.417 -[Montgomery] You forgot your balloons. -[Sidney] Keep 'em. 1714 01:15:55.500 --> 01:15:56.708 [door slams] 1715 01:15:57.917 --> 01:16:00.917 [♪ dramatic music playing] 1716 01:16:12.208 --> 01:16:15.958 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 1717 01:16:16.042 --> 01:16:19.042 [deep slow-motion yelling] 1718 01:16:20.208 --> 01:16:22.708 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -[normal yelling] 1719 01:16:22.792 --> 01:16:25.208 [♪ ominous choir music resumes playing] 1720 01:16:31.000 --> 01:16:32.625 [♪ music stops abruptly] 1721 01:16:37.125 --> 01:16:38.542 [gasps] 1722 01:16:38.625 --> 01:16:40.042 -[Jack groaning] -[Montgomery coughing] 1723 01:16:40.125 --> 01:16:43.000 -Oh, fuck! -[all coughing] 1724 01:16:43.083 --> 01:16:44.917 -Shit. Shit. Oh! -[Lizzy groaning] 1725 01:16:45.000 --> 01:16:47.000 -[Montgomery groaning] -[Jack grunting] 1726 01:16:47.833 --> 01:16:51.042 -[Lizzy] Get to the control panel! -We gotta stop the RAs! 1727 01:16:51.125 --> 01:16:53.208 -[countdown beeping] -Shit, shit, shit! 1728 01:16:53.292 --> 01:16:54.500 I don't know how this works! What do I do? 1729 01:16:54.583 --> 01:16:56.000 -Just break 'em. -Shit! 1730 01:16:56.083 --> 01:16:58.458 -[Lizzy] Fucking destroy it! -[Blake laughing] 1731 01:16:58.542 --> 01:17:00.833 Jack, Jack, Jack. 1732 01:17:00.917 --> 01:17:03.292 Give it up. [sighs] 1733 01:17:03.375 --> 01:17:05.500 There's nothing you can do. 1734 01:17:05.583 --> 01:17:08.458 -You can't stop this. -I can't? 1735 01:17:09.083 --> 01:17:10.083 [whispers] No. 1736 01:17:11.083 --> 01:17:12.833 Except I can. 1737 01:17:14.333 --> 01:17:15.958 A third-party charger? 1738 01:17:17.042 --> 01:17:19.333 Wait! [grunting] Damn it! Damn it! 1739 01:17:19.417 --> 01:17:21.042 Unhand me! Wait! 1740 01:17:21.125 --> 01:17:22.750 Jack! Look! 1741 01:17:25.792 --> 01:17:28.000 I've still got your phone. 1742 01:17:28.875 --> 01:17:31.708 I press "send," and that's it. You're transferred to Gralk Hall. 1743 01:17:32.417 --> 01:17:36.250 So, before you fry those phones, let's make a deal. 1744 01:17:37.417 --> 01:17:39.417 You give me that, I'll give you this. 1745 01:17:41.125 --> 01:17:42.542 And that'll be that. 1746 01:17:43.250 --> 01:17:45.667 Plus, I'll sweeten it. 1747 01:17:46.583 --> 01:17:48.792 And I'll make you an RA. 1748 01:17:49.333 --> 01:17:50.542 Huh? 1749 01:17:52.333 --> 01:17:54.333 Why the fuck would I want that? 1750 01:17:55.917 --> 01:17:57.542 Because, Jack... 1751 01:17:59.708 --> 01:18:01.125 you know the truth. 1752 01:18:02.292 --> 01:18:06.042 No one at this school is ever going to forgive you 1753 01:18:06.125 --> 01:18:08.917 for what you did to the football team. 1754 01:18:09.000 --> 01:18:11.000 But you know what's better than being liked? 1755 01:18:12.833 --> 01:18:14.458 Being feared. 1756 01:18:15.792 --> 01:18:17.417 Power, Jack. 1757 01:18:18.167 --> 01:18:22.667 No one will ever bully you again. 1758 01:18:22.750 --> 01:18:24.958 Are you really gonna turn that down? 1759 01:18:25.708 --> 01:18:30.042 To save a bunch of people who hate your guts? 1760 01:18:30.708 --> 01:18:33.917 Your own roommate was ditching you. 1761 01:18:34.958 --> 01:18:40.583 Save him, and you'll rot in Gralk Hall. 1762 01:18:40.667 --> 01:18:41.667 Or... 1763 01:18:42.708 --> 01:18:44.542 with me on your side... 1764 01:18:46.000 --> 01:18:48.625 you can finally rule this school. 1765 01:18:54.417 --> 01:18:56.250 [whispering] It's okay. 1766 01:19:02.000 --> 01:19:03.417 Montgomery... 1767 01:19:04.667 --> 01:19:06.333 I'm sorry. 1768 01:19:06.417 --> 01:19:09.625 -Looks like I'll be shipping out. -What? 1769 01:19:09.708 --> 01:19:13.042 So, next year, I want you to find the best new roommate. 1770 01:19:13.125 --> 01:19:15.208 -Jack. -Find someone who's gonna listen to you. 1771 01:19:15.292 --> 01:19:16.625 -Jack, no. -Jack? 1772 01:19:16.708 --> 01:19:19.417 -You don't have to do this. -I want you to tell that roommate 1773 01:19:19.500 --> 01:19:21.250 to treat you good. 1774 01:19:21.333 --> 01:19:22.708 Jack, we could come up with something else. 1775 01:19:22.792 --> 01:19:24.958 You tell them to do all that boring bullshit that you like, 1776 01:19:25.042 --> 01:19:27.208 -like the puzzles or-or that game... -[Montgomery] Come on. 1777 01:19:27.292 --> 01:19:29.000 ...where y-you try to guess my favorite bird. 1778 01:19:29.083 --> 01:19:30.625 -E-Eagle? -It's not eagle. 1779 01:19:30.708 --> 01:19:33.083 -Quit guessing eagle. -I don't want this, Jack. 1780 01:19:33.167 --> 01:19:34.375 This is the only way. 1781 01:19:34.458 --> 01:19:35.458 -No! -Jack. 1782 01:19:35.542 --> 01:19:37.917 You changed my mind, Jack! I wanna room with you! 1783 01:19:38.000 --> 01:19:39.625 What you want isn't what you need, man! 1784 01:19:39.708 --> 01:19:40.958 -Jack! -I need you! 1785 01:19:41.042 --> 01:19:42.208 -I love you, Montgomery! -Jack! 1786 01:19:42.292 --> 01:19:44.583 -I love you, Jack! -I love you so much, 1787 01:19:44.667 --> 01:19:46.833 -and I don't tell you enough! -Jack, the deal! 1788 01:19:46.917 --> 01:19:48.375 The deal. 1789 01:19:48.458 --> 01:19:51.458 -[timer beeping] -Come on... Be smart, Jack. 1790 01:19:52.167 --> 01:19:55.500 You have to think about yourself, okay? 1791 01:19:55.583 --> 01:19:58.000 [chuckles] No. 1792 01:20:01.042 --> 01:20:03.667 I need to think about other people's dicks. 1793 01:20:03.750 --> 01:20:05.042 What? 1794 01:20:05.125 --> 01:20:06.417 Nooo! 1795 01:20:06.500 --> 01:20:09.125 -[electricity zapping] -[low-pitched screaming] 1796 01:20:14.750 --> 01:20:16.750 [phones crackling] 1797 01:20:17.750 --> 01:20:19.958 Goddammit! 1798 01:20:20.042 --> 01:20:22.083 -You idiot! -[chuckles] 1799 01:20:22.167 --> 01:20:23.625 Enjoy Gralk Hall! 1800 01:20:24.708 --> 01:20:25.917 [squeaking] 1801 01:20:27.583 --> 01:20:29.583 [Lizzy] [tauntingly] Oh, Blake? 1802 01:20:31.208 --> 01:20:32.833 You forgot one thing. 1803 01:20:33.833 --> 01:20:36.250 I'm Lizzy the Magnificent, bitch. 1804 01:20:37.542 --> 01:20:40.375 -Oh-ho-ho! Ohh! -Oh, my gosh! How did she do that? 1805 01:20:40.458 --> 01:20:41.958 -[Jack] I don't know! -That was incredible! 1806 01:20:42.042 --> 01:20:44.500 -Oh, fuck this! -[rubber chicken squeaks] 1807 01:20:44.583 --> 01:20:46.083 -[pipe scraping] -Oh, shit. 1808 01:20:46.167 --> 01:20:49.000 Well... time to beat you to death with a pipe! 1809 01:20:49.083 --> 01:20:51.500 -That doesn't scan either. -Shut the fuck up! 1810 01:20:52.667 --> 01:20:54.667 Which one of you's first, huh? 1811 01:20:54.750 --> 01:20:55.958 Which one? 1812 01:20:56.042 --> 01:20:59.417 [♪ tense music playing] 1813 01:20:59.500 --> 01:21:00.917 [Lysander] Remember me? 1814 01:21:01.000 --> 01:21:02.708 Lysander! 1815 01:21:02.792 --> 01:21:04.458 You crushed my wings. 1816 01:21:04.542 --> 01:21:08.042 You squashed my body. You left me for dead. 1817 01:21:08.125 --> 01:21:10.625 -[Blake] Get away! -[Lysander] But you didn't finish the job. 1818 01:21:10.708 --> 01:21:12.542 Get away from me! Get away from me! 1819 01:21:12.625 --> 01:21:15.042 [Lysander] From the depths of the dormitory vents, 1820 01:21:15.125 --> 01:21:16.667 -I have returned. -[Blake] Fuck! 1821 01:21:16.750 --> 01:21:18.458 Fuck you, butterfly! 1822 01:21:18.542 --> 01:21:20.208 Go get him, Lysander! 1823 01:21:20.292 --> 01:21:23.250 [Lysander] My name is Lysander Featherhelm, 1824 01:21:23.333 --> 01:21:25.292 Lord of the Syracuse Meadows. 1825 01:21:25.375 --> 01:21:26.375 -[thunk] -[elevator dings] 1826 01:21:26.458 --> 01:21:28.625 I serve the one God Montgomery, 1827 01:21:28.708 --> 01:21:32.375 and I shall have my vengeance! 1828 01:21:33.958 --> 01:21:35.375 Scorpion kick! 1829 01:21:35.458 --> 01:21:39.500 [echoing] Nooo! 1830 01:21:39.583 --> 01:21:41.625 -[loud bang] -[elevator whirring] 1831 01:21:41.708 --> 01:21:42.708 [elevator dings] 1832 01:21:42.792 --> 01:21:45.125 ♪ When our hope sailed from a thousand dreams ♪ 1833 01:21:45.208 --> 01:21:49.625 ♪ We will carry on, ahh ♪ 1834 01:21:49.708 --> 01:21:52.500 [Lysander] Victory, the sweetest nectar. 1835 01:21:52.583 --> 01:21:54.000 Monty, I'll see you at home. 1836 01:21:54.083 --> 01:21:56.708 Oh, shit! I, I got you, bud. 1837 01:21:56.792 --> 01:21:58.000 [grunting] 1838 01:22:00.292 --> 01:22:02.500 -[Montgomery panting] -[Jack laughing] 1839 01:22:02.583 --> 01:22:04.583 -[Montgomery laughing] -Oh, shit. 1840 01:22:05.917 --> 01:22:07.750 -[Montgomery sighs] -Thanks. 1841 01:22:07.833 --> 01:22:10.042 Sure. I owed you one. 1842 01:22:11.583 --> 01:22:14.417 Well, guys, we did it. We defeated the RAs. 1843 01:22:14.500 --> 01:22:17.000 We ate the pizza. Oh, wait. 1844 01:22:17.958 --> 01:22:21.167 -[♪ ominous music playing] -[Jack] What's happening? 1845 01:22:21.250 --> 01:22:23.458 [loud squeaking] 1846 01:22:23.542 --> 01:22:25.125 [Lizzy] What is that? 1847 01:22:25.208 --> 01:22:27.333 Oh, my God. It's him. 1848 01:22:28.458 --> 01:22:29.792 [whispering] The Rat King. 1849 01:22:29.875 --> 01:22:32.875 [♪ "Waltz of the Flowers" by Tchaikovsky playing] 1850 01:22:45.625 --> 01:22:49.583 -[singers vocalizing] -[children laughing] 1851 01:22:52.458 --> 01:22:55.250 Hi, Lizzy. Remember me? 1852 01:22:55.333 --> 01:22:57.208 This fucking cunt. 1853 01:22:59.083 --> 01:23:01.958 ♪♪ 1854 01:23:04.833 --> 01:23:06.333 [♪ music stops] 1855 01:23:11.042 --> 01:23:12.667 I'm sorry, who are you? 1856 01:23:12.750 --> 01:23:14.667 -[♪ ominous music playing] -I'm you, Jack. 1857 01:23:14.750 --> 01:23:16.958 The you you're scared you'll become. 1858 01:23:17.042 --> 01:23:20.500 Boring, sober, obsessed with my bird feeder. 1859 01:23:20.583 --> 01:23:21.750 -[baby whining] -I also review 1860 01:23:21.833 --> 01:23:23.333 sparkling water brands on YouTube. 1861 01:23:23.417 --> 01:23:24.542 [whispering] Oh, my fucking God. 1862 01:23:24.625 --> 01:23:25.875 What's wrong with that? 1863 01:23:25.958 --> 01:23:27.167 That honestly sounds nice. 1864 01:23:27.250 --> 01:23:28.417 Fuck off! 1865 01:23:28.500 --> 01:23:31.500 [chainsaws buzzing loudly] 1866 01:23:33.208 --> 01:23:34.667 ♪♪ 1867 01:23:39.083 --> 01:23:40.083 Run! 1868 01:23:40.167 --> 01:23:42.958 -[♪ terrifying music playing] -[chainsaws continue buzzing] 1869 01:23:43.667 --> 01:23:44.875 [gasps] 1870 01:23:44.958 --> 01:23:47.042 -[Lizzy] Shit! -[Jack] What do we do? 1871 01:23:47.125 --> 01:23:50.125 [♪ Christmas music playing] 1872 01:23:53.333 --> 01:23:55.875 [Montgomery] Time to float like graceful falcons. 1873 01:23:55.958 --> 01:23:58.375 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -They tried to censor us, 1874 01:23:58.458 --> 01:24:00.042 but we will not be silenced! 1875 01:24:00.125 --> 01:24:02.833 [drumsticks clicking] 1876 01:24:02.917 --> 01:24:05.542 [♪ heavy metal music playing] 1877 01:24:11.000 --> 01:24:14.000 [screaming melodically] 1878 01:24:25.583 --> 01:24:29.667 [♪ heavy metal music and melodic screaming continues] 1879 01:24:31.875 --> 01:24:33.875 [all yelling] 1880 01:24:44.167 --> 01:24:45.792 -[♪ music ends] -[all screaming] 1881 01:24:45.875 --> 01:24:47.875 [loud crash] 1882 01:24:48.708 --> 01:24:51.708 [Ashley] Thank you, and good night! 1883 01:24:51.792 --> 01:24:54.000 [coughing] Why did we think that would work? 1884 01:24:54.083 --> 01:24:56.583 [grunting] Fuck off, that was fun. 1885 01:24:56.667 --> 01:24:58.625 There are so many condoms in here. 1886 01:24:58.708 --> 01:25:00.167 [muttering indistinctly] 1887 01:25:00.250 --> 01:25:02.458 -[thud] -[Montgomery] I landed on the condom. 1888 01:25:02.542 --> 01:25:04.708 [Jack] [grunting] Hey, make a wish. 1889 01:25:04.792 --> 01:25:07.167 [Montgomery] I wish I didn't land on the condom. 1890 01:25:07.250 --> 01:25:09.000 [grunting and groaning] 1891 01:25:09.083 --> 01:25:11.583 Well, look on the bright side, guys. 1892 01:25:11.667 --> 01:25:12.833 At least we got away from the nightmare-- 1893 01:25:12.917 --> 01:25:15.333 -[♪ dramatic musical sting] -[chainsaws buzzing] 1894 01:25:18.833 --> 01:25:20.833 [Snackatron] Montgomery! 1895 01:25:22.167 --> 01:25:23.542 Let's go! 1896 01:25:23.625 --> 01:25:24.708 [chainsaws buzzing] 1897 01:25:24.792 --> 01:25:25.958 [Montgomery shrieking] 1898 01:25:26.042 --> 01:25:28.375 [panicked chatter, panting] 1899 01:25:29.750 --> 01:25:31.208 [Rat King shrieks] 1900 01:25:31.292 --> 01:25:32.875 I wrote a complaint letter to Microsoft 1901 01:25:32.958 --> 01:25:34.917 after they discontinued my favorite font. 1902 01:25:35.000 --> 01:25:36.708 [screaming] God, no! 1903 01:25:36.792 --> 01:25:39.000 -Oh, fuck! -Come on! Come on! 1904 01:25:39.083 --> 01:25:40.458 [all grunting] 1905 01:25:40.542 --> 01:25:42.917 [♪ tense music playing] 1906 01:25:45.083 --> 01:25:46.167 [grunting] 1907 01:25:48.375 --> 01:25:49.542 [♪ music stops] 1908 01:25:51.292 --> 01:25:52.917 Well, well, well. 1909 01:25:54.500 --> 01:25:56.500 Hello again, dickheads. 1910 01:25:56.583 --> 01:25:58.000 How are you not dead? 1911 01:25:58.708 --> 01:26:01.958 -You thought you could kill me? -[chainsaws continue buzzing] 1912 01:26:02.042 --> 01:26:04.500 -Get off the box! -Get the fuck off the box! 1913 01:26:04.583 --> 01:26:07.750 It's gonna take a lot more than that to get rid of Blake! 1914 01:26:07.833 --> 01:26:09.042 [clattering] 1915 01:26:11.083 --> 01:26:12.292 -[Montgomery] Grab him! -[Lizzy] Pull him down! 1916 01:26:12.375 --> 01:26:14.292 -[grunting] -Fuck! 1917 01:26:14.375 --> 01:26:16.667 -[gagging] -Open wide! 1918 01:26:17.917 --> 01:26:19.333 [Jack] Happy sailing! 1919 01:26:21.500 --> 01:26:24.208 [Frankie] Do not take more than a single dose. 1920 01:26:24.292 --> 01:26:28.917 If you do, you will see the true horrible nature of reality. 1921 01:26:30.375 --> 01:26:34.583 -[light buzzing] -[muffled chatter] 1922 01:26:34.667 --> 01:26:36.750 [writer 1] I just think my biggest concern right now 1923 01:26:36.833 --> 01:26:39.458 is how little of this makes any sense at all. 1924 01:26:39.542 --> 01:26:42.292 -[writer 2] Like what? -[writer 1] What do you mean, "Like what?" 1925 01:26:42.375 --> 01:26:44.708 Like, okay, for example, how many college freshmen do you know 1926 01:26:44.792 --> 01:26:46.292 that own a pet butterfly? 1927 01:26:46.375 --> 01:26:48.375 [writer 2] That's what you find unbelievable? 1928 01:26:48.458 --> 01:26:52.083 We have a scene where the three leads become a Venezuelan man. 1929 01:26:52.167 --> 01:26:53.917 [writer 1] Alright, fine, but we gotta come up 1930 01:26:54.000 --> 01:26:55.583 with a better title than Pizza Movie. 1931 01:26:55.667 --> 01:26:57.667 [writer 2] Well, of course we're not calling it Pizza Movie. 1932 01:26:57.750 --> 01:26:59.750 That's a placeholder. I mean, if we can't beat that, 1933 01:26:59.833 --> 01:27:02.167 -I'm gonna walk into the goddamn ocean. -What the fuck? 1934 01:27:03.250 --> 01:27:05.583 Oh God, one of the actors is here. 1935 01:27:05.667 --> 01:27:08.083 Hey, man, could you just give us, like, 10 minutes, please? Thanks. 1936 01:27:09.708 --> 01:27:12.208 Oh, so listen, I told my grandfather he could have a part. 1937 01:27:12.292 --> 01:27:13.500 Is that okay? 1938 01:27:14.583 --> 01:27:15.583 No. 1939 01:27:15.667 --> 01:27:18.292 [chainsaws buzzing quietly] 1940 01:27:19.417 --> 01:27:21.833 W-W-We're in a movie? 1941 01:27:23.292 --> 01:27:25.917 We're in a low-budget movie. 1942 01:27:27.250 --> 01:27:30.250 My character's not written with any nuance at all. 1943 01:27:31.250 --> 01:27:32.667 I'm a caricature. 1944 01:27:34.583 --> 01:27:38.000 I, like, only deliver exposition. 1945 01:27:38.667 --> 01:27:40.583 What the fuck was that? 1946 01:27:40.667 --> 01:27:43.083 [chainsaws buzzing loudly] 1947 01:27:43.708 --> 01:27:46.375 [♪ tense music playing] 1948 01:27:52.042 --> 01:27:54.708 [all screaming] 1949 01:27:54.792 --> 01:27:56.792 [chainsaws stop buzzing] 1950 01:28:02.750 --> 01:28:04.750 [all sighing] 1951 01:28:07.333 --> 01:28:09.750 -[Jack laughing] -[Montgomery chuckles] 1952 01:28:12.125 --> 01:28:14.125 [warbling] 1953 01:28:17.208 --> 01:28:20.042 [Snackatron] [struggling] Montgomery. 1954 01:28:25.333 --> 01:28:28.958 Were you satisfied with your fucking order? 1955 01:28:29.042 --> 01:28:30.667 Yes, Snackatron. 1956 01:28:32.458 --> 01:28:33.667 Yes, we were. 1957 01:28:36.708 --> 01:28:39.208 [Snackatron] Thank you for ordering from... 1958 01:28:39.292 --> 01:28:41.125 [worker] [on recording] Ahh, finally alone. 1959 01:28:41.208 --> 01:28:43.500 Time to measure the length of my foreskin. 1960 01:28:43.583 --> 01:28:45.708 Wait, is this robot still recording? 1961 01:28:45.792 --> 01:28:47.417 [Snackatron] Goodbye. 1962 01:28:47.500 --> 01:28:49.208 [Snackatron powering down] 1963 01:28:52.000 --> 01:28:55.000 [♪ honorable music playing] 1964 01:29:03.250 --> 01:29:06.250 [♪ gentle music playing] 1965 01:29:07.833 --> 01:29:10.458 Tell my story! 1966 01:29:13.500 --> 01:29:14.917 [Logan] Lizzy! 1967 01:29:16.458 --> 01:29:19.458 Lizzy! Let's go! 1968 01:29:20.458 --> 01:29:22.458 [Ashley] Montgomery! Over here. 1969 01:29:22.542 --> 01:29:25.708 -Hey, thanks for the gig. -[Montgomery] Thank you. 1970 01:29:25.792 --> 01:29:28.000 You ready? Let's get this night going. 1971 01:29:28.083 --> 01:29:30.708 I'm about to honk that horn like you won't believe. 1972 01:29:30.792 --> 01:29:33.625 Oh, my God, I feel so alive after performing. 1973 01:29:33.708 --> 01:29:36.917 Yeah, I, I can imagine with the electric torture. 1974 01:29:37.000 --> 01:29:38.000 Yeah. 1975 01:29:39.083 --> 01:29:42.083 Anyway, um, I was wondering 1976 01:29:42.167 --> 01:29:46.167 if maybe you wanted to go out sometime? [chuckles softly] 1977 01:29:50.167 --> 01:29:53.375 [Logan] Lizzy, you gonna give the driver your friggin' credit card? 1978 01:29:53.458 --> 01:29:54.500 What's up? 1979 01:29:55.417 --> 01:29:56.417 [Ashley] Montgomery? 1980 01:29:58.750 --> 01:30:00.750 -Montgomery? -No, thank you. 1981 01:30:01.667 --> 01:30:03.292 -No? -No. 1982 01:30:04.333 --> 01:30:07.250 I do not think we are a good match. 1983 01:30:08.208 --> 01:30:09.417 [scoffs] Why? 1984 01:30:09.500 --> 01:30:10.958 You scare the shit out of me. 1985 01:30:11.042 --> 01:30:12.125 [scoffs] 1986 01:30:12.208 --> 01:30:14.333 But hey, good, good luck on the music. 1987 01:30:14.417 --> 01:30:16.208 You're... killer. 1988 01:30:16.292 --> 01:30:18.208 -Killer. Good luck. -[scoffs] 1989 01:30:18.292 --> 01:30:19.500 [Logan] Lizzy! 1990 01:30:19.583 --> 01:30:22.458 Stop thinking pensively and get your freaking credit card out 1991 01:30:22.542 --> 01:30:23.917 -and give it to the-- -[knee thuds] 1992 01:30:24.000 --> 01:30:25.458 -Oh! [grunting] -Ooh! 1993 01:30:25.542 --> 01:30:27.958 -[Logan] Oh! [wailing] -[bully] Oh, my God, Logan. 1994 01:30:28.042 --> 01:30:29.333 Have fun. 1995 01:30:29.417 --> 01:30:31.333 [bully] Are you dead? 1996 01:30:31.417 --> 01:30:34.417 [♪ light, joyful music playing] 1997 01:30:44.833 --> 01:30:46.833 [student] Hey, freak-ass face! 1998 01:30:57.875 --> 01:31:01.875 -What time is it? -It's gotta be 5 a.m. 1999 01:31:02.500 --> 01:31:03.708 It's only 8:30! 2000 01:31:03.792 --> 01:31:06.417 All that only took 45 minutes? 2001 01:31:06.500 --> 01:31:08.250 You guys wanna do something? 2002 01:31:10.750 --> 01:31:12.375 Wanna finish our game? 2003 01:31:13.458 --> 01:31:14.667 I'm down. 2004 01:31:14.750 --> 01:31:15.958 Me too. 2005 01:31:21.625 --> 01:31:22.833 [writer 2's grandparent] And I... 2006 01:31:24.750 --> 01:31:26.667 am also down. 2007 01:31:27.375 --> 01:31:29.125 Oh, man. [laughing] 2008 01:31:29.208 --> 01:31:32.750 College is awesome. I love being 19. 2009 01:31:32.833 --> 01:31:34.458 [writer 2] Grandpa, don't look at the camera. 2010 01:31:34.542 --> 01:31:37.375 -Don't talk to me that way. -[writer 1] Dude, this isn't working. 2011 01:31:37.458 --> 01:31:38.667 -Let's cut him. -[writer 2] Fine. 2012 01:31:42.542 --> 01:31:45.167 Alright, should we start from scratch or pick up where we left off? 2013 01:31:45.250 --> 01:31:46.583 -Let's do it from scratch. -Yeah? 2014 01:31:46.667 --> 01:31:48.667 -We got it. -Okay, cool then. 2015 01:31:48.750 --> 01:31:50.750 [chattering fades] 2016 01:31:50.833 --> 01:31:52.833 ♪♪ 2017 01:32:02.458 --> 01:32:04.458 ♪♪ 2018 01:32:14.625 --> 01:32:16.625 [singers vocalizing] 2019 01:32:54.708 --> 01:32:56.708 ♪♪ 2020 01:33:20.333 --> 01:33:23.917 [♪ cheery song playing] 2021 01:33:24.000 --> 01:33:25.708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2022 01:33:25.792 --> 01:33:27.625 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2023 01:33:27.708 --> 01:33:29.458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2024 01:33:29.542 --> 01:33:31.292 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2025 01:33:31.375 --> 01:33:33.125 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2026 01:33:33.208 --> 01:33:35.000 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2027 01:33:35.083 --> 01:33:36.833 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2028 01:33:36.917 --> 01:33:38.667 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2029 01:33:38.750 --> 01:33:42.333 ♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice, happy, happy, happy, nice ♪ 2030 01:33:42.417 --> 01:33:46.083 ♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice, happy, happy, happy ♪ 2031 01:33:46.167 --> 01:33:47.875 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2032 01:33:47.958 --> 01:33:49.750 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2033 01:33:49.833 --> 01:33:51.625 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2034 01:33:51.708 --> 01:33:53.458 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2035 01:33:53.542 --> 01:33:55.292 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2036 01:33:55.375 --> 01:33:57.125 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2037 01:33:57.208 --> 01:33:58.917 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2038 01:33:59.000 --> 01:34:01.708 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2039 01:34:02.625 --> 01:34:04.125 [faster] ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2040 01:34:04.208 --> 01:34:05.708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2041 01:34:05.792 --> 01:34:07.250 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2042 01:34:07.333 --> 01:34:08.833 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2043 01:34:08.917 --> 01:34:10.458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2044 01:34:10.542 --> 01:34:12.083 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2045 01:34:12.167 --> 01:34:13.708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2046 01:34:13.792 --> 01:34:15.792 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2047 01:34:17.000 --> 01:34:19.875 [faster] ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice, happy, nice, happy, nice ♪ 2048 01:34:19.958 --> 01:34:22.667 ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice, happy, nice, happy ♪ 2049 01:34:22.750 --> 01:34:24.042 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2050 01:34:24.125 --> 01:34:25.458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2051 01:34:25.542 --> 01:34:26.875 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2052 01:34:26.958 --> 01:34:28.958 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2053 01:34:30.958 --> 01:34:32.083 [faster] ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2054 01:34:32.167 --> 01:34:33.458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2055 01:34:33.542 --> 01:34:34.667 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2056 01:34:34.750 --> 01:34:36.000 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2057 01:34:36.083 --> 01:34:37.125 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2058 01:34:37.208 --> 01:34:38.458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2059 01:34:38.542 --> 01:34:39.750 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2060 01:34:39.833 --> 01:34:42.208 ♪ No one's gonna die today, someone's gonna die today ♪ 2061 01:34:42.292 --> 01:34:48.292 ♪ We're all gonna die todaaay ♪ 2062 01:34:51.000 --> 01:34:52.625 [♪ song ends] 2063 01:34:56.042 --> 01:34:59.042 [♪ gentle music playing] 2064 01:35:53.375 --> 01:35:55.375 ♪♪ 2065 01:36:41.000 --> 01:36:43.000 [♪ music fades out]