WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ

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Terrific.

4
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Keep up the pace, ladies. Keep going!

5
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It's the memory of the real thing

6
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You had known since you were five

7
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She's the only girl you ever

8
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Wanted to be in your life

9
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What? No.

10
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Auguste!

11
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Auguste, what are you doing?!

12
00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:55.583
You fucking psycho!

13
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Wake up, Luna.
You can't call people psycho anymore.

14
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Oh, well, you're literally throwing
my shit out of the window!

15
00:01:01.833 --> 00:01:04.125
That is textbook definition of psycho!

16
00:01:04.208 --> 00:01:06.791
You took a video of me
while I was sleeping!

17
00:01:06.875 --> 00:01:09.125
To show you how loud you snore.

18
00:01:09.208 --> 00:01:11.208
You legit have sleep apnea!

19
00:01:11.291 --> 00:01:16.333
That can't be any worse than you leaving
your bloody pads in our open trash can.

20
00:01:16.416 --> 00:01:20.500
Our entire room smells
like a fucking Italian sub!

21
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Auguste!

22
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No, anything but the air fryer!

23
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You use the shit more than I do.

24
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-Oh!
-And you don't even ask!

25
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Stop!

26
00:01:29.541 --> 00:01:32.041
I have a Chipotle delivery for Steve.

27
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Ow!

28
00:01:35.375 --> 00:01:38.666
Ladies! My office. Now.

29
00:01:43.458 --> 00:01:45.416
Oh my God, you're nasty.

30
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And you are trash!

31
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You're a fucking pick-me-ass bitch!
How 'bout that?

32
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I need her to move out!

33
00:01:51.041 --> 00:01:51.875
Enough!

34
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Ladies, when you two moved in together
at the start of the year,

35
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you were inseparable, remember that?

36
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It worked. You hung out.
You laughed. You partied.

37
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Okay, but that's before
I found out that she's awful.

38
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You literally have no good qualities!

39
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-Oh my God!
-Please.

40
00:02:09.208 --> 00:02:11.250
Hey, guys, guys. It's October.

41
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You got the rest of the year
ahead of you, okay?

42
00:02:13.583 --> 00:02:17.291
If you don't figure out how to coexist now
in that tiny little dorm room,

43
00:02:17.375 --> 00:02:20.833
things are going to escalate
into a very bad situation.

44
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-How can it get worse?
-There's no getting worse than her.

45
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-I'm in hell.
-She's annoying!

46
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-I am in hell.
-"I'm in hell."

47
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We're both in hell!

48
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God. Trust me.

49
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-I've seen it.
-Hate you.

50
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-Shut the fuck up.
-Shut the fuck up.

51
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It can get so much worse.

52
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-Shut the fuck up!
-You shut the fuck up!

53
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Shut the fuck up!

54
00:02:45.250 --> 00:02:49.458
It all started with a student who was, um…

55
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How can I describe her
while still remaining a professional?

56
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She was a hard worker,
but, uh… a low-key pussy.

57
00:02:58.166 --> 00:03:03.750
It's time to welcome
your valedictorian, Rebecca Anderson.

58
00:03:09.291 --> 00:03:11.291
Wait, that's not her.

59
00:03:12.625 --> 00:03:13.500
That's her.

60
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You didn't think
she was the valedictorian, did you?

61
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I mean, Devon was smart,
and people were always happy to see her,

62
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but they also didn't notice
when she wasn't around.

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For me, school was more
than just the classes, the football games,

64
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and of course,
everybody's least favorite lunch.

65
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Like, why taco bagels?

66
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Blow me.

67
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What I'll remember most…
are the friends that I made here.

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Friends that I will cherish
for the rest of my life.

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And in the words
of the greatest orator of our time,

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"How lucky am I to have something
that makes saying goodbye so hard?"

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And that

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was Winnie-the-Pooh.

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Aw.

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Sweet!

75
00:04:06.458 --> 00:04:07.666
Amazing.

76
00:04:08.583 --> 00:04:11.000
I see you! Hi, honey!

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-You were the best one.
-Hi.

78
00:04:12.708 --> 00:04:14.958
Do you want us to take a picture
of you with anyone?

79
00:04:15.041 --> 00:04:16.875
No, no. I got a bunch before the ceremony.

80
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-Okay.
-You sure? Your Snapchat looks lonely.

81
00:04:19.958 --> 00:04:21.458
-That one's cute.
-Yeah.

82
00:04:21.541 --> 00:04:24.333
That one, and then the last one's like…

83
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-Put it down.
-Okay.

84
00:04:25.416 --> 00:04:27.416
We look so good right now.

85
00:04:27.500 --> 00:04:29.666
I actually see my friends, so…

86
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Oh, so let's go say hi.

87
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No. Oh my God.
I'll just… I'll meet you by the car.

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-Okay.
-Okay, bye.

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00:04:35.791 --> 00:04:39.375
-Hey, Bella, Ella, Emma, Ava.
-Devon, jump in.

90
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Oh, sure.

91
00:04:43.416 --> 00:04:44.250
Aw.

92
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Do you mind if we get one
with just the Core Four?

93
00:04:47.125 --> 00:04:48.125
Oh, yeah.

94
00:04:48.208 --> 00:04:50.083
Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

95
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Thanks.

96
00:04:52.250 --> 00:04:54.208
-That's kinda brutal.
-Oh, Devon, wait.

97
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Yes.

98
00:04:56.083 --> 00:04:58.958
We need to officially add
an honorary fifth member.

99
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Señor Michaels!

100
00:05:03.541 --> 00:05:07.250
Uh-oh. Better get my good side.

101
00:05:07.750 --> 00:05:09.208
Do you mind taking it?

102
00:05:09.291 --> 00:05:11.250
Yeah, yeah, no problem.

103
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Now go full sluts.

104
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And hit, angle, butt.

105
00:05:18.708 --> 00:05:21.833
And, hon, can you go a little bit higher?
Yeah. Sorry. I'm, like, 40.

106
00:05:34.333 --> 00:05:36.875
-Babe, you want a tea?
-Yeah, baby. Sleepy time.

107
00:05:36.958 --> 00:05:39.375
Hey. What's going on?

108
00:05:39.458 --> 00:05:42.000
Emma's party's at 10:00.
It's 9:45 already.

109
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Uh, yeah. I'm not going.

110
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Your hair and makeup is all done.

111
00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:49.000
It seems like,
at some point, you were going.

112
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Now I'm in sweatpants,

113
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so it'd be physically impossible
to leave the house.

114
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-That makes sense.
-That does make sense.

115
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-What are we, uh… cooking here?
-Honey, that's not for you.

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-You already ate.
-I know.

117
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I'm just curious what is so delicious

118
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that it's keeping our daughter
from going to the party.

119
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Honey, are you sure you don't wanna go?
I feel like it's a big night.

120
00:06:07.916 --> 00:06:11.416
Yeah, high school was a waste.
I'll… make friends in college.

121
00:06:11.500 --> 00:06:13.500
Yeah, but you love
your high-school friends.

122
00:06:13.583 --> 00:06:16.750
There's Ella, Emma, Enema… Anemic.

123
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Not their names.

124
00:06:17.916 --> 00:06:20.125
Didn't Emma invite you to her party?

125
00:06:20.208 --> 00:06:23.916
She invited me to the party
that literally every senior is invited to.

126
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But then, after that,
everyone goes to an after-party

127
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with their actual friend group.

128
00:06:28.875 --> 00:06:31.916
Bella's having a sleepover,
and I didn't get an invite, okay?

129
00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:34.500
Well, that's just 'cause
they were gonna be doing Special K

130
00:06:34.583 --> 00:06:37.583
and horse tranqs to celebrate,
and they didn't want to in front of you

131
00:06:37.666 --> 00:06:39.041
'cause they know you're better.

132
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Skipping the party?

133
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Good for you. Fuck 'em.

134
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Yeah!

135
00:06:43.875 --> 00:06:45.083
Yeah, fuck 'em in the ass.

136
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I'm glad I never learned their names,
these stupid fuckin' cunts.

137
00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:50.458
-What the fuck is going on with you?
-Dad!

138
00:06:50.541 --> 00:06:51.500
What?

139
00:06:51.583 --> 00:06:53.208
-Don't say that!
-Like you said…

140
00:06:53.291 --> 00:06:55.375
Someone get Dad some ketamine.
He's losing it.

141
00:06:55.458 --> 00:06:57.125
Maybe we should all do some ketamine.

142
00:07:00.958 --> 00:07:05.125
-So, uh, when's your orientation thing?
-Couple weeks.

143
00:07:05.208 --> 00:07:08.125
-Okay. Soon.
-Yeah.

144
00:07:10.958 --> 00:07:12.375
Here's a question for you.

145
00:07:12.458 --> 00:07:16.791
If it's to orient you to Walton,
why is it in the woods?

146
00:07:18.750 --> 00:07:21.458
Probably 'cause it's about bonding
and not school.

147
00:07:21.541 --> 00:07:25.375
Well, you're super outdoorsy,
so that'll be great.

148
00:07:25.458 --> 00:07:26.500
Hmm.

149
00:07:30.250 --> 00:07:32.166
I'm just excited to start fresh.

150
00:07:33.041 --> 00:07:34.916
Yeah. Totally.

151
00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:37.666
I don't need to make,
like, a zillion friends at school.

152
00:07:37.750 --> 00:07:40.666
I just really want,
like, a best friend, you know?

153
00:07:41.666 --> 00:07:44.625
Dude, I'm your best friend.

154
00:07:44.708 --> 00:07:46.916
I meant outside of this house.

155
00:07:51.333 --> 00:07:53.833
Just try not to put
too much pressure on it.

156
00:07:54.791 --> 00:07:57.333
-People can tell when you're thirsty.
-Mm.

157
00:07:57.416 --> 00:07:59.375
Isn't that so pathetic?

158
00:07:59.458 --> 00:08:02.375
I'm about to go to college,
and I've never had a best friend.

159
00:08:03.791 --> 00:08:08.000
I don't know, it's not nearly as pathetic
as watching you pretend to smoke a joint.

160
00:08:08.083 --> 00:08:10.375
What? I… I'm…

161
00:08:10.458 --> 00:08:12.666
-I'm doin' it.
-Ah… I don't know.

162
00:08:12.750 --> 00:08:15.916
-You have to inhale to feel.
-I'm not even kidding. I will.

163
00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:18.458
-I felt it. I promise you.
-Okay.

164
00:08:18.541 --> 00:08:20.458
I feel… something.

165
00:08:21.666 --> 00:08:23.500
-Yeah?
-Not nothing.

166
00:08:23.583 --> 00:08:24.583
That's good.

167
00:08:28.916 --> 00:08:31.000
Hi, guys. Um… I'm Ellie.

168
00:08:31.083 --> 00:08:32.875
Welcome to orientation.

169
00:08:32.958 --> 00:08:36.083
Remember, this is for you guys
to have fun and get to know each other.

170
00:08:36.166 --> 00:08:39.125
The only expert here today is
your adventure guide, Goose.

171
00:08:39.625 --> 00:08:41.500
What's up, everybody? Thank you, Ellie.

172
00:08:41.583 --> 00:08:45.208
Goose! That's me. I didn't go to Walton
'cause I didn't have it like that.

173
00:08:45.291 --> 00:08:46.708
I work here. Let's get to it.

174
00:08:46.791 --> 00:08:49.541
So when you're on the ropes,
you're gonna have an instinct,

175
00:08:49.625 --> 00:08:50.916
an urge to touch the bar.

176
00:08:51.000 --> 00:08:54.958
Do not. Don't touch the metal bar.

177
00:08:55.041 --> 00:08:59.000
I'm telling you, you will gash
your motherfuckin' hand.

178
00:08:59.083 --> 00:09:01.333
All right? Final Destination-type shit.

179
00:09:01.958 --> 00:09:03.583
Also, remember, you got a harness.

180
00:09:03.666 --> 00:09:07.125
All right, but, honestly, like,
just pretend like the harness isn't there

181
00:09:07.208 --> 00:09:10.625
'cause even with the harness,
falls ain't comfy, bruh.

182
00:09:10.708 --> 00:09:12.541
We haven't had any deaths out here.

183
00:09:12.625 --> 00:09:15.916
We had one lady turn into a vegetable,
but she's in good spirits now.

184
00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:17.541
Y'all can smoke out here,

185
00:09:17.625 --> 00:09:20.416
you can drink as long as you share it
with the Goose, baby.

186
00:09:20.500 --> 00:09:22.666
-Goose is loose. Any questions?
-Sorry I'm late.

187
00:09:23.166 --> 00:09:24.875
Are you part of this group?

188
00:09:25.541 --> 00:09:28.791
-Yeah.
-You just missed the whole spiel, dude.

189
00:09:29.333 --> 00:09:31.166
I… I can figure it out.

190
00:09:32.083 --> 00:09:32.916
What's your name?

191
00:09:33.416 --> 00:09:34.541
Goose.

192
00:09:34.625 --> 00:09:36.541
That's hilarious.

193
00:09:37.208 --> 00:09:38.125
What's your name?

194
00:09:38.208 --> 00:09:39.583
Celeste.

195
00:09:39.666 --> 00:09:41.000
That's hilarious!

196
00:09:41.083 --> 00:09:43.416
Stick 'em up, palms up…

197
00:09:43.500 --> 00:09:46.000
Every freshman knows
that you will be fucked

198
00:09:46.083 --> 00:09:47.791
if you don't make friends at orientation.

199
00:09:49.041 --> 00:09:52.500
Devon was determined
to find the thing she wanted most,

200
00:09:52.583 --> 00:09:54.125
a college bestie.

201
00:09:54.625 --> 00:09:57.000
Are people hanging out tonight,
or what's the deal?

202
00:09:57.083 --> 00:09:58.500
One girl started a Snap group.

203
00:09:58.583 --> 00:10:00.541
-I can add you.
-Can I get on that chat?

204
00:10:00.625 --> 00:10:03.833
-But the harder Devon tried…
-Yeah, sure.

205
00:10:03.916 --> 00:10:05.500
Okay, I'll find you later.

206
00:10:05.583 --> 00:10:07.375
…the more desperate she seemed.

207
00:10:07.458 --> 00:10:09.166
Scared the shit out of me.

208
00:10:10.791 --> 00:10:12.500
As the day went on,

209
00:10:12.583 --> 00:10:17.208
Devon was convinced that she was gonna be
exactly who she was in high school,

210
00:10:17.291 --> 00:10:19.291
a girl with no friends.

211
00:10:21.541 --> 00:10:22.541
Oh no!

212
00:10:24.916 --> 00:10:27.000
Hey, try holding on to this thingy.

213
00:10:28.750 --> 00:10:30.875
Okay, thank you.

214
00:10:31.666 --> 00:10:33.291
Stick 'em up…

215
00:10:33.375 --> 00:10:36.750
Hey! Oh my God! What the hell?!

216
00:10:36.833 --> 00:10:39.666
Bro, do you have a fucking brain?

217
00:10:40.500 --> 00:10:41.750
I like your tattoos.

218
00:10:41.833 --> 00:10:43.375
Suck my dick!

219
00:10:43.458 --> 00:10:44.833
Sheesh.

220
00:10:44.916 --> 00:10:48.291
Let's go!

221
00:10:48.375 --> 00:10:51.375
What's up, Big Time?
You scared? You look scared.

222
00:10:51.458 --> 00:10:54.041
Yeah, well,
you look like you just lost custody.

223
00:10:54.625 --> 00:10:57.125
-Ooh!
-Well, that's hilarious!

224
00:10:57.208 --> 00:10:59.333
-I don't even have a wife.
-Um…

225
00:10:59.416 --> 00:11:01.333
Sorry, is… is there a way to go slower?

226
00:11:01.416 --> 00:11:06.208
No. So when I get the okay signal,
that's when you step down and when you go.

227
00:11:06.291 --> 00:11:07.291
Okay, so go now.

228
00:11:07.375 --> 00:11:10.000
-No. No!
-What was I supposed to do?

229
00:11:13.041 --> 00:11:15.083
Oh my God! I…

230
00:11:16.250 --> 00:11:17.916
-Watch out! Watch out!
-Ah!

231
00:11:21.250 --> 00:11:23.333
You kicked me in my titty!

232
00:11:23.416 --> 00:11:24.541
I'm sorry!

233
00:11:25.125 --> 00:11:27.250
That girl needs training wheels.

234
00:11:31.375 --> 00:11:33.291
All right, everyone!

235
00:11:35.375 --> 00:11:37.625
Guys! All right.

236
00:11:37.708 --> 00:11:40.041
Hey! Eyes up here!

237
00:11:40.791 --> 00:11:42.166
Hi.

238
00:11:42.250 --> 00:11:46.375
So we will now be splitting up
into teams of two for the scavenger hike.

239
00:11:46.458 --> 00:11:49.500
Uh, the winning team gets
these awesome unisex hoodies.

240
00:11:49.583 --> 00:11:51.125
-Whoo!
-Yeah, really exciting.

241
00:11:51.208 --> 00:11:53.916
So, pick a partner wisely.

242
00:12:00.291 --> 00:12:02.583
I'm gonna have a great time. You?

243
00:12:02.666 --> 00:12:05.500
Whoever doesn't have a partner
can partner up with me,

244
00:12:05.583 --> 00:12:09.125
and I will take the time with you
to bitch about my open relationship.

245
00:12:11.416 --> 00:12:13.041
Wanna be partners?

246
00:12:13.125 --> 00:12:15.166
Heads-up, I suck at scavenger hunts.

247
00:12:16.833 --> 00:12:17.708
Got it.

248
00:12:21.958 --> 00:12:26.041
"For five points, take a photo
of someone waxing their legs."

249
00:12:26.125 --> 00:12:27.625
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

250
00:12:27.708 --> 00:12:31.166
Yeah, no, 80 grand a year,
and they couldn't give us the hoodies?

251
00:12:32.541 --> 00:12:33.666
Where are you from?

252
00:12:34.166 --> 00:12:36.000
Montclair, New Jersey. You?

253
00:12:36.083 --> 00:12:38.916
Stamford, Connecticut,
but, like, the shit part.

254
00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:41.958
Whatever. It made me stronger.
What are you gonna major in?

255
00:12:42.041 --> 00:12:45.291
Architectural design, maybe with a minor
in construction management.

256
00:12:45.375 --> 00:12:47.416
-Same.
-Really?

257
00:12:47.500 --> 00:12:50.958
God no. No. I'll do fashion merchandising
or comms, I think.

258
00:12:51.041 --> 00:12:52.500
I don't know. Whatever's easier.

259
00:12:52.583 --> 00:12:55.083
I'm, like, the first person
in my family to go to college,

260
00:12:55.166 --> 00:12:56.708
so the stakes could not be lower.

261
00:12:56.791 --> 00:12:59.333
Wow, that's a big deal.
You should be, like, really proud.

262
00:13:02.541 --> 00:13:04.500
I'm sorry.
When I said you should be proud,

263
00:13:04.583 --> 00:13:06.416
I didn't mean to tell you what should be.

264
00:13:06.500 --> 00:13:09.375
I'm sure you feel very proud
without me telling you to feel--

265
00:13:09.458 --> 00:13:11.833
Stop worrying.

266
00:13:12.458 --> 00:13:15.875
If there's one thing you need to know
about me, I don't give a fuck.

267
00:13:16.625 --> 00:13:19.916
Now, Dr. Schilling, you know the people
who say they don't give a fuck

268
00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:21.125
give the most fucks.

269
00:13:21.208 --> 00:13:24.541
No, Celeste truly did not give a fuck.

270
00:13:24.625 --> 00:13:26.708
Aw! Can I pick her up?

271
00:13:26.791 --> 00:13:29.666
My bubbie, Melissa. Course you can.

272
00:13:29.750 --> 00:13:32.375
Hey, cutie-patootie. You're so cute.

273
00:13:32.458 --> 00:13:36.833
Oh, shut the fuck up with this baby shit,
and please let the lady finish her story.

274
00:13:36.916 --> 00:13:39.500
-I have a brow tint at four.
-She's so fucking rude.

275
00:13:39.583 --> 00:13:42.458
Okay, four o'clock tint, respect.

276
00:13:42.541 --> 00:13:44.875
Might wanna get a little tweeze
while you're at it.

277
00:13:44.958 --> 00:13:48.125
Okay, even though orientation
was only a couple days,

278
00:13:48.208 --> 00:13:51.958
you would've thought Devon and Celeste
had been best friends for years.

279
00:13:52.041 --> 00:13:55.791
They went boating.
They French-braided each other's hair.

280
00:13:55.875 --> 00:13:58.416
I mean, there was
so much girl-on-girl intimacy,

281
00:13:58.500 --> 00:14:01.250
it was giving lesbian period piece.

282
00:14:01.333 --> 00:14:03.000
Wait, were they?

283
00:14:03.083 --> 00:14:04.041
No.

284
00:14:04.125 --> 00:14:05.458
Ugh, boring.

285
00:14:05.541 --> 00:14:08.291
But, on the last morning of orientation,

286
00:14:08.375 --> 00:14:11.083
Devon decided to pop the big question.

287
00:14:11.666 --> 00:14:12.708
Hi!

288
00:14:12.791 --> 00:14:14.291
Do you need a ride?

289
00:14:14.875 --> 00:14:17.833
Oh, uh, no.
My parents are gonna come pick me up.

290
00:14:17.916 --> 00:14:20.250
-Aw, family girl.
-Yeah.

291
00:14:20.333 --> 00:14:21.250
That's cute.

292
00:14:21.750 --> 00:14:25.666
Hey, I was gonna ask you last night,
and then I was like, "Don't be thirsty."

293
00:14:26.166 --> 00:14:28.875
By the way,
I don't say that word, thirsty.

294
00:14:28.958 --> 00:14:30.416
Devon, stop. We're good.

295
00:14:30.500 --> 00:14:32.041
Okay… Um…

296
00:14:33.958 --> 00:14:36.125
Would you wanna be roommates with me?

297
00:14:37.125 --> 00:14:39.416
I have honors housing,
so it's on the main campus,

298
00:14:39.500 --> 00:14:41.250
and we'd have our own bathroom.

299
00:14:42.916 --> 00:14:44.208
Yes.

300
00:14:44.291 --> 00:14:47.875
Okay. Okay. Yay! Oh my God.

301
00:14:48.458 --> 00:14:49.833
Uh, I'll text you and stuff.

302
00:14:49.916 --> 00:14:52.000
We can figure out
who wants what side and everything.

303
00:14:52.083 --> 00:14:53.125
And I have a mini-fridge.

304
00:14:53.208 --> 00:14:56.416
Well, it's my dad's mini-fridge,
but my mom told me I could take it.

305
00:14:56.500 --> 00:14:58.541
-That's sick.
-Yeah.

306
00:15:00.291 --> 00:15:04.125
Hey, so you know,
I'm not looking for just a roommate.

307
00:15:04.208 --> 00:15:06.750
I'm looking for a ride or die.

308
00:15:06.833 --> 00:15:10.958
I've had fake friends before,
and I do not need that.

309
00:15:11.916 --> 00:15:13.083
You know what I need?

310
00:15:13.708 --> 00:15:15.708
I need someone who will bury the body.

311
00:15:15.791 --> 00:15:17.291
Will you do that, Devon?

312
00:15:18.791 --> 00:15:21.791
I'll bring the lime and the duct tape
and the hacksaws and the ponchos.

313
00:15:22.458 --> 00:15:25.333
Fuck yeah, you thirsty little freak.

314
00:15:25.416 --> 00:15:26.291
Yes, thirsty.

315
00:15:26.375 --> 00:15:29.541
-Hey, Celeste. I was gonna ask--
-I already have a roommate.

316
00:15:29.625 --> 00:15:31.500
-Okay. All right, bye.
-Beep-beep.

317
00:15:31.583 --> 00:15:33.791
-Bye, Dev.
-Bye!

318
00:15:43.416 --> 00:15:47.166
Two weeks had passed since
Celeste agreed to be Devon's roommate.

319
00:15:47.250 --> 00:15:49.666
At first, the girls had talked constantly,

320
00:15:49.750 --> 00:15:53.958
but, recently,
Celeste had gone silent over text.

321
00:15:54.458 --> 00:15:57.333
Packing up for college,
Devon was spinning out.

322
00:15:57.416 --> 00:15:59.541
Was Celeste even gonna show up?

323
00:16:00.333 --> 00:16:01.500
Here's what it is…

324
00:16:02.833 --> 00:16:03.833
Okay.

325
00:16:04.833 --> 00:16:05.916
All right.

326
00:16:07.333 --> 00:16:11.708
Pumpkin Spice is all packed up
with everything in the house.

327
00:16:11.791 --> 00:16:13.250
Here are the keys to your car

328
00:16:13.333 --> 00:16:15.833
that I have packed entirely
with no help from you.

329
00:16:15.916 --> 00:16:16.750
Sorry.

330
00:16:16.833 --> 00:16:18.958
Are you sure that you don't want us
to drive you?

331
00:16:19.041 --> 00:16:20.750
We could help you decorate your room.

332
00:16:20.833 --> 00:16:23.208
No, no. I don't think
anyone's parents are doing that.

333
00:16:23.291 --> 00:16:25.875
That's what literally
every other parent is doing,

334
00:16:25.958 --> 00:16:27.375
but you're the boss.

335
00:16:27.458 --> 00:16:28.375
Yeah.

336
00:16:28.458 --> 00:16:30.041
One final thing.

337
00:16:32.416 --> 00:16:34.833
No, Dad, I have the money
I made this summer.

338
00:16:34.916 --> 00:16:37.125
-I'll take it.
-Get the fuck out of here with that.

339
00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:42.000
This is for emergencies,
and booze is not an emergency.

340
00:16:42.500 --> 00:16:44.166
-Okay.
-Neither are edibles.

341
00:16:44.750 --> 00:16:48.208
-Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it.
-All right, hold on! One more thing.

342
00:16:49.000 --> 00:16:51.750
Here, my girl.

343
00:16:55.625 --> 00:16:58.500
Mom, no, I'm gonna break them.
They're too nice.

344
00:16:58.583 --> 00:17:01.708
If you break 'em, you break 'em.
Just don't put them in the microwave.

345
00:17:01.791 --> 00:17:05.291
Great, now I gotta repack the whole trunk.
It's gonna be a thing.

346
00:17:05.375 --> 00:17:06.791
Oh.

347
00:17:07.583 --> 00:17:09.791
Wow. Aw, you're bringing Slowpoke.

348
00:17:09.875 --> 00:17:11.250
-Yeah, of course.
-Cute.

349
00:17:13.625 --> 00:17:16.208
Dad, no heart attacks. Let me do it.

350
00:17:16.291 --> 00:17:18.250
I got it, I got it, I got it. Just…

351
00:17:18.333 --> 00:17:19.291
Okay.

352
00:17:26.500 --> 00:17:27.333
Um…

353
00:17:27.833 --> 00:17:31.625
I don't have class for, like, a week,
so… maybe I just stay here.

354
00:17:31.708 --> 00:17:34.708
And then I go next semester
or something like that?

355
00:17:34.791 --> 00:17:36.875
Honey, honey, you're spiraling.

356
00:17:36.958 --> 00:17:38.541
It's gonna be amazing.

357
00:17:39.125 --> 00:17:41.208
Yeah, but what if
I don't make any friends?

358
00:17:41.708 --> 00:17:43.375
You will make friends.

359
00:17:43.458 --> 00:17:45.000
If you don't, fuck 'em.

360
00:17:45.083 --> 00:17:47.708
Yeah, and let Slowpoke watch you fuck 'em.

361
00:17:48.291 --> 00:17:49.958
-Unnecessary.
-Don't do that!

362
00:17:50.041 --> 00:17:51.666
-What? He's a pervert.
-You're the pervert!

363
00:17:51.750 --> 00:17:52.750
That's so gross.

364
00:17:52.833 --> 00:17:55.416
-He's a family friend, but he's a pervert.
-Don't tell your friends.

365
00:18:08.083 --> 00:18:12.583
Nobody knows

366
00:18:13.666 --> 00:18:16.875
Why we keep trying

367
00:18:16.958 --> 00:18:20.041
Why we keep trying

368
00:18:20.125 --> 00:18:25.208
And so on it goes…

369
00:18:25.708 --> 00:18:27.958
Oh my God. Um…

370
00:18:28.458 --> 00:18:29.625
Just be careful with that.

371
00:18:29.708 --> 00:18:31.083
-Hi. Welcome.
-Hi.

372
00:18:31.166 --> 00:18:33.250
-I got it. Don't worry.
-Okay. Okay.

373
00:18:34.875 --> 00:18:37.208
Wow. You guys work very quick.

374
00:18:45.416 --> 00:18:49.000
A baby is born…

375
00:18:49.083 --> 00:18:52.500
-I'm gonna miss you.
-You're gonna be okay.

376
00:18:52.583 --> 00:18:54.666
As a man lay dying

377
00:19:24.750 --> 00:19:27.500
-I can't believe we're roommates!
-I can't believe it either!

378
00:19:27.583 --> 00:19:29.875
Very exciting.

379
00:19:29.958 --> 00:19:31.500
-Hi.
-You scared me.

380
00:19:32.375 --> 00:19:34.916
-We have a fucking pink toilet.
-Um…

381
00:19:35.416 --> 00:19:36.916
Did you see the toilet?

382
00:19:37.500 --> 00:19:39.916
-Oh my God, it's beautiful.
-Look at it.

383
00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:42.416
It's a pink toilet! It's a pink toilet!

384
00:19:42.500 --> 00:19:45.375
It's a pink toilet!

385
00:19:45.458 --> 00:19:49.291
You've expressed explicitly

386
00:19:49.375 --> 00:19:53.750
Your contempt for matrimony

387
00:19:54.333 --> 00:19:57.375
You've student loans to pay…

388
00:19:57.458 --> 00:20:00.458
Everything you need to know about me
is in these four posters.

389
00:20:00.541 --> 00:20:02.250
Really? Good to know.

390
00:20:02.333 --> 00:20:06.541
We spend our days locked in a room

391
00:20:06.625 --> 00:20:10.333
Content inside a bubble

392
00:20:10.416 --> 00:20:12.750
By the way, you can put whatever you want
in the mini-fridge.

393
00:20:12.833 --> 00:20:14.166
It's, like, both of ours.

394
00:20:14.250 --> 00:20:17.250
Your dad's mini-fridge.

395
00:20:17.333 --> 00:20:20.541
I wonder what else
Dad's getting us this year.

396
00:20:22.833 --> 00:20:25.416
This will be my kombucha palace.

397
00:20:28.916 --> 00:20:30.416
Those are really pretty.

398
00:20:30.500 --> 00:20:32.625
Ugh. No, my mom made them.

399
00:20:33.125 --> 00:20:35.416
Wait, no, we… we should have 'em out.

400
00:20:36.583 --> 00:20:38.291
Yeah, great.

401
00:20:38.791 --> 00:20:41.875
You know what would be my worst nightmare?

402
00:20:41.958 --> 00:20:42.958
What?

403
00:20:43.041 --> 00:20:44.208
If you had shown up

404
00:20:44.291 --> 00:20:46.875
and immediately started stringing
hundreds of tiny Polaroids.

405
00:20:46.958 --> 00:20:49.041
-You know?
-Yes, with the twinkly lights.

406
00:20:49.125 --> 00:20:51.250
So desperate.
Like, okay, you have friends.

407
00:20:51.333 --> 00:20:53.875
You don't need an entire shrine to them
in your dorm room.

408
00:20:53.958 --> 00:20:56.500
And it's… it's also low-key a fire hazard.

409
00:20:57.583 --> 00:20:59.083
Okay, Smokey the Bear.

410
00:20:59.166 --> 00:21:00.625
Such a good point.

411
00:21:01.125 --> 00:21:04.916
Oh my God, what an ugly dog!

412
00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:08.791
-Fuck you, man.
-That is crazy.

413
00:21:08.875 --> 00:21:12.625
Um… what time do you typically go to bed?

414
00:21:12.708 --> 00:21:15.625
-Top five baby stand-ups…
-Um, like, 3:00 a.m.

415
00:21:16.583 --> 00:21:17.500
You?

416
00:21:18.958 --> 00:21:20.375
I kinda go to bed now.

417
00:21:20.458 --> 00:21:25.458
You didn't do a very good job
because I got in the motherf***ing house!

418
00:21:25.541 --> 00:21:28.125
Is that okay… if I go to bed now?

419
00:21:28.208 --> 00:21:31.041
Spin the bottle, cousin edition!

420
00:21:31.125 --> 00:21:32.333
Thank you.

421
00:21:36.291 --> 00:21:39.708
-Oh my God.
-Back up. Put it in reverse!

422
00:21:39.791 --> 00:21:42.208
Oh Lord! Lord Jesus!

423
00:21:42.291 --> 00:21:43.666
Oh Lor…

424
00:21:43.750 --> 00:21:45.250
Hospital pranks!

425
00:21:45.833 --> 00:21:49.000
Oh, fuck! What the hell? What the fuck is…

426
00:21:49.083 --> 00:21:51.125
Watch me eat shrimp
and jump on a trampoline.

427
00:21:51.208 --> 00:21:53.958
Do you mind if you turn your light off,
if that's possible?

428
00:21:54.458 --> 00:21:55.291
Yeah.

429
00:21:55.375 --> 00:21:58.416
You ever think there's at least
one person jacking off right now?

430
00:21:58.500 --> 00:22:00.916
-My bad.
-I do, but I don't mind…

431
00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:03.541
-724. Can I get an "Oh yeah"?
-Good night, Devon.

432
00:22:03.625 --> 00:22:04.791
Have a nice sleep.

433
00:22:04.875 --> 00:22:07.541
Seven things from Sephora
that are easy to shoplift.

434
00:22:07.625 --> 00:22:11.416
Gaslighting is bad,
unless the person you're gaslighting is a…

435
00:22:11.500 --> 00:22:13.500
Seven minutes of crazy animal sounds.

436
00:22:21.583 --> 00:22:22.541
Did you sleep okay?

437
00:22:22.625 --> 00:22:24.625
Yeah, not bad. How about you?

438
00:22:25.333 --> 00:22:27.666
I don't know.
I feel like we need blackout curtains.

439
00:22:27.750 --> 00:22:28.958
I just said that!

440
00:22:30.375 --> 00:22:31.333
Oh, hi.

441
00:22:31.416 --> 00:22:34.750
I'm Amber. Um… I guess we're neighbors.

442
00:22:34.833 --> 00:22:36.750
I'm really sorry
we were kinda loud last night.

443
00:22:36.833 --> 00:22:39.541
I was trying to put up a shelf,
and Olivia was--

444
00:22:39.625 --> 00:22:42.875
-I'm practicing for fall auditions, so…
-Yeah.

445
00:22:42.958 --> 00:22:45.333
-I'm Celeste. This is Devon.
-Hi.

446
00:22:45.416 --> 00:22:47.125
You guys wanna see our room?

447
00:22:50.958 --> 00:22:52.000
It's cute.

448
00:22:52.083 --> 00:22:54.791
Mm… mm…

449
00:22:54.875 --> 00:22:57.333
-Told you this shit was stupid.
-Hey, it's fine.

450
00:22:58.625 --> 00:22:59.958
-Excuse me. Sorry.
-Hi.

451
00:23:00.041 --> 00:23:02.416
Hi. Do you know how to get
to the lower dining hall?

452
00:23:02.500 --> 00:23:05.000
Yeah, it's just right there.
It closes at 11.

453
00:23:05.083 --> 00:23:08.416
-Wait, what time is it now?
-It's, uh… 10:58.

454
00:23:08.500 --> 00:23:09.541
Shit. Okay.

455
00:23:09.625 --> 00:23:11.541
Go! Run!

456
00:23:11.625 --> 00:23:13.625
-Guys, go!
-I'm going! I'm going!

457
00:23:13.708 --> 00:23:16.041
-We need bacon!
-Don't take it away!

458
00:23:16.125 --> 00:23:17.833
Give me eggs! Give me eggs!

459
00:23:18.333 --> 00:23:19.833
Give me the eggs!

460
00:23:19.916 --> 00:23:22.541
-Help!
-Wait.

461
00:23:22.625 --> 00:23:24.750
Let's go, ladies. Come on.

462
00:23:25.875 --> 00:23:27.166
Did you get the bacon?

463
00:23:27.250 --> 00:23:29.166
Can we talk registration?

464
00:23:29.250 --> 00:23:30.791
'Cause I'm a premed student,

465
00:23:30.875 --> 00:23:34.083
and I need a class
I can, like, disassociate through.

466
00:23:34.166 --> 00:23:36.666
Yeah, I think I've heard
Poetry in America is easy.

467
00:23:36.750 --> 00:23:39.125
Easy? I'm in. Let's do it.

468
00:23:39.208 --> 00:23:40.416
I love poets.

469
00:23:40.500 --> 00:23:43.208
They all commit suicide
in the craziest ways.

470
00:23:43.750 --> 00:23:47.041
-Okay.
-Celeste, we missed you last night.

471
00:23:47.125 --> 00:23:49.166
We were at,
like, 12 different guys's rooms.

472
00:23:49.250 --> 00:23:50.708
It was random but fun.

473
00:23:51.416 --> 00:23:53.208
-Wow.
-So what's up with tonight?

474
00:23:53.291 --> 00:23:54.791
-Are we goin' out?
-I don't know.

475
00:23:54.875 --> 00:23:57.458
I have to check with my social director.

476
00:23:57.541 --> 00:23:58.875
Do we wanna go out?

477
00:24:03.458 --> 00:24:06.833
Yeah, yeah,
we're definitely going out tonight.

478
00:24:09.708 --> 00:24:13.375
What are you thinking of wearing tonight?
I don't really know what the vibe is.

479
00:24:13.458 --> 00:24:14.708
-Do I wear--
-I know.

480
00:24:14.791 --> 00:24:17.708
Hey, Patterson, can I call you back?
I'm with my roommate.

481
00:24:18.208 --> 00:24:20.125
-Okay. Bye.
-Were you on the phone?

482
00:24:20.208 --> 00:24:22.416
-You don't have to hang up.
-No, it was just my therapist.

483
00:24:22.500 --> 00:24:24.916
We were at final thoughts anyway.
He's my crutch.

484
00:24:26.458 --> 00:24:28.791
Wow, you guys talk a lot. That's great.

485
00:24:28.875 --> 00:24:31.041
Yeah, I have a lot of family stuff.

486
00:24:31.625 --> 00:24:35.333
My dad was a janitor at my high school,
so it was kind of loaded.

487
00:24:35.416 --> 00:24:37.375
Coming!

488
00:24:38.125 --> 00:24:41.083
I want to feel it…

489
00:24:41.583 --> 00:24:43.250
Hey, Kyle from Instacart.

490
00:24:43.333 --> 00:24:45.916
Thank you, stud.
You get five stars just for being hot.

491
00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:47.666
I'm actually gay, so…

492
00:24:48.250 --> 00:24:50.666
All right, uh, blackout curtains are here.

493
00:24:50.750 --> 00:24:52.625
And a bunch of other shit.

494
00:24:53.166 --> 00:24:56.666
Don't mind me while…

495
00:24:56.750 --> 00:24:58.458
What's your Venmo? I'll split this.

496
00:24:58.541 --> 00:24:59.875
We're roommates.

497
00:24:59.958 --> 00:25:02.333
We can't be counting who owes who what.

498
00:25:02.416 --> 00:25:05.791
Besides, we're in the same boat.
Drowning in student loans.

499
00:25:07.625 --> 00:25:09.791
Wait, Devon.

500
00:25:10.291 --> 00:25:12.666
Do your parents pay your full tuition?

501
00:25:12.750 --> 00:25:16.083
-Is that bad?
-No, just must be nice.

502
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:20.625
Well, I mean, I worked all summer
at Wetzel's Pretzels,

503
00:25:20.708 --> 00:25:24.666
and my mom and dad make me pay
for books and gas and stuff.

504
00:25:25.375 --> 00:25:28.291
I love this smokey eye.
Can I do one thing?

505
00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:30.208
Uh, sure.

506
00:25:31.625 --> 00:25:37.833
Slide-tackling my mind…

507
00:25:37.916 --> 00:25:40.250
Yeah. You got big-ass lips.

508
00:25:40.333 --> 00:25:42.416
-Might as well line that shit.
-Oh my God.

509
00:25:42.500 --> 00:25:44.583
-It looks fire.
-Thank you.

510
00:25:44.666 --> 00:25:46.416
2511!

511
00:25:48.125 --> 00:25:51.291
Friday pregame! Who wants a shot?

512
00:25:51.375 --> 00:25:52.625
-Me!
-All right.

513
00:25:52.708 --> 00:25:54.875
-Pregame!
-Starting at 6:30.

514
00:25:54.958 --> 00:25:55.958
-Oh yeah.
-Okay.

515
00:25:56.041 --> 00:25:58.583
Aw, is this about to be Devon's Core Four?

516
00:25:58.666 --> 00:26:02.125
Maybe. So, the girls went out
that night to--

517
00:26:02.208 --> 00:26:05.166
-Senior row.
-Literally our first weekend.

518
00:26:05.250 --> 00:26:07.375
I feel like our night there
was kind of a bust though.

519
00:26:07.458 --> 00:26:10.041
Oh my God. You think everything sucks.

520
00:26:10.125 --> 00:26:12.125
We went to go get pizza at Chi-Chi's.

521
00:26:12.208 --> 00:26:14.416
Yeah, we thought we were
sitting next to CeeLo Green,

522
00:26:14.500 --> 00:26:17.333
but it turned out to be
a fat gay guy wearing a cape.

523
00:26:17.416 --> 00:26:20.291
Anyways, the girls went out that night,

524
00:26:20.375 --> 00:26:24.250
each curating their individual looks.

525
00:26:24.333 --> 00:26:26.000
Seriously?

526
00:26:26.625 --> 00:26:27.458
Hi.

527
00:26:27.958 --> 00:26:29.666
I'm going to a party, baby.

528
00:26:30.166 --> 00:26:32.541
No, I don't know
how many guys are gonna be there.

529
00:26:32.625 --> 00:26:34.791
Sorry, it's my boyfriend again.

530
00:26:35.750 --> 00:26:38.333
What the heck is going on?
Why can't we get in anywhere?

531
00:26:38.416 --> 00:26:40.291
It's because we're freshmen.

532
00:26:40.375 --> 00:26:42.958
Senior girls feel threatened by us.

533
00:26:43.041 --> 00:26:45.916
My thing is, like, we're not gonna
hook up with your boyfriends, okay?

534
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:48.375
So just let us have your alcohol. What is…

535
00:26:48.458 --> 00:26:50.833
-What are you doing?
-What is this?

536
00:26:50.916 --> 00:26:55.208
I don't want you to just stay
in your room, babe, 'cause that's sad.

537
00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:59.333
Okay, yeah, I'll send you a pic
from the bathroom, I guess.

538
00:26:59.916 --> 00:27:01.458
Jesus Christ.

539
00:27:01.541 --> 00:27:03.791
Again, it's, like, not ever ending.

540
00:27:04.375 --> 00:27:06.041
-What? What?
-What? Oh.

541
00:27:07.500 --> 00:27:09.250
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

542
00:27:09.333 --> 00:27:12.875
This is a closed party.
Club Ultimate Frisbee members only.

543
00:27:12.958 --> 00:27:15.083
Well, that's perfect.
We've been meaning to join.

544
00:27:15.166 --> 00:27:17.708
Uh… Yeah, totally. Love Frisbee.

545
00:27:17.791 --> 00:27:20.458
-It's the ultimate.
-I was on my high-school club team.

546
00:27:20.541 --> 00:27:22.583
Oh, y'all can flick it.

547
00:27:22.666 --> 00:27:24.333
Then, ladies, come on in.

548
00:27:25.083 --> 00:27:26.333
See you at practice.

549
00:27:26.416 --> 00:27:27.666
Legend!

550
00:27:27.750 --> 00:27:29.791
6:30 a.m. on Sundays,

551
00:27:29.875 --> 00:27:31.208
so… be there.

552
00:27:32.708 --> 00:27:34.125
No.

553
00:27:34.208 --> 00:27:36.333
I typed a text to a girl I used to see

554
00:27:36.416 --> 00:27:39.458
Sayin' that I chose this cutie-pie
With whom I wanna be

555
00:27:39.541 --> 00:27:42.458
And I apologize
If this message gets you down

556
00:27:42.541 --> 00:27:45.791
Then I CC'ed every girl
That I'd see-see round town

557
00:27:45.875 --> 00:27:48.916
Hate to see y'all frown
But I'd rather see her smilin'

558
00:27:49.000 --> 00:27:51.958
Wetness all around me, true
But I'm no island

559
00:27:52.041 --> 00:27:55.000
Peninsula maybe
Makes no sense, I know crazy…

560
00:27:55.666 --> 00:27:56.625
Holy shit!

561
00:27:57.416 --> 00:27:58.583
We should take a photo.

562
00:27:58.666 --> 00:28:00.833
-Yes, yes, yes, yes!
-Thank you.

563
00:28:01.333 --> 00:28:04.208
Drive a Kompressor
Top-notch hos get the…

564
00:28:04.291 --> 00:28:05.375
-Cute!
-Cute.

565
00:28:05.458 --> 00:28:07.416
-Will you take one of just me and Dev?
-Mm-hmm.

566
00:28:07.916 --> 00:28:10.083
-Go, go, go!
-Yeah.

567
00:28:10.166 --> 00:28:12.208
You look really cute.

568
00:28:13.000 --> 00:28:14.541
-Cute!
-Cute!

569
00:28:14.625 --> 00:28:16.125
-Really cute!
-Send it to me.

570
00:28:16.208 --> 00:28:17.541
-I will.
-Send it to me.

571
00:28:18.208 --> 00:28:20.208
Smashed up the gray one…

572
00:28:20.291 --> 00:28:22.708
Yeah, shake that! Yeah.

573
00:28:22.791 --> 00:28:24.416
Hit the parkin' lot, we turn heads

574
00:28:24.500 --> 00:28:27.541
Some hos wanna choose
But them bitches too scary

575
00:28:27.625 --> 00:28:31.041
Your bitch chose me
You ain't a pimp, you a fairy

576
00:28:31.125 --> 00:28:34.125
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh oh-oh

577
00:28:34.208 --> 00:28:39.625
-Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh oh-oh
-I choose you, girl

578
00:28:39.708 --> 00:28:41.250
Yeah…

579
00:28:41.333 --> 00:28:43.041
Woo-hoo!

580
00:28:43.125 --> 00:28:45.833
Baby, you been rollin' solo
Time to get down with the team

581
00:28:45.916 --> 00:28:47.291
The grass is greener…

582
00:28:47.375 --> 00:28:48.208
Hi.

583
00:28:48.958 --> 00:28:49.958
I got you.

584
00:28:50.875 --> 00:28:53.041
Oh!

585
00:28:53.125 --> 00:28:55.083
Oh my God. Take it, take it!

586
00:28:55.583 --> 00:28:57.083
Oh my God!

587
00:28:57.166 --> 00:28:58.500
That ain't my style

588
00:28:58.583 --> 00:29:01.500
Need a real street stalker
To walk a green mile

589
00:29:01.583 --> 00:29:02.875
We pilin' up the paper…

590
00:29:02.958 --> 00:29:04.583
Oh

591
00:29:04.666 --> 00:29:08.166
Honey, I need you round

592
00:29:08.250 --> 00:29:09.750
I know

593
00:29:10.250 --> 00:29:12.041
I know

594
00:29:12.125 --> 00:29:14.250
Just motherfucking kiss!

595
00:29:14.333 --> 00:29:19.708
Oh, oh, oh

596
00:29:19.791 --> 00:29:22.125
Honey, I need you round…

597
00:29:22.208 --> 00:29:23.375
Oh, I would not use that.

598
00:29:23.458 --> 00:29:25.625
The Brita has been in there
since, like, last year.

599
00:29:25.708 --> 00:29:26.791
Thank you.

600
00:29:30.416 --> 00:29:31.583
What do I smell?

601
00:29:34.083 --> 00:29:35.333
Does it smell good or bad?

602
00:29:35.416 --> 00:29:36.666
I'm not sure.

603
00:29:38.208 --> 00:29:39.291
This is paella.

604
00:29:39.791 --> 00:29:43.375
Got obsessed with it when I lived in Spain
and been craving it ever since I got back.

605
00:29:43.458 --> 00:29:44.750
Mm.

606
00:29:44.833 --> 00:29:47.708
-You wanna try some?
-Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.

607
00:29:53.458 --> 00:29:54.750
Oh my God!

608
00:29:55.333 --> 00:29:56.333
It's really spicy.

609
00:29:57.375 --> 00:29:58.666
-It's bad. Yeah.
-Yeah.

610
00:29:58.750 --> 00:29:59.791
-It's hot.
-It's not good.

611
00:29:59.875 --> 00:30:03.541
I'm sorry. All we have is salt,
onion powder, and red chili flakes.

612
00:30:04.125 --> 00:30:05.208
When were you in Spain?

613
00:30:05.291 --> 00:30:06.750
Last semester.

614
00:30:06.833 --> 00:30:09.250
I was doing a Gaudi seminar in Barcelona.

615
00:30:09.333 --> 00:30:11.083
Wait, are you an architecture major?

616
00:30:11.166 --> 00:30:12.666
-Yeah.
-Me too!

617
00:30:12.750 --> 00:30:14.583
Or… I will be when classes start.

618
00:30:14.666 --> 00:30:16.791
Oh, you're a freshman.

619
00:30:16.875 --> 00:30:18.375
Yeah. Yeah.

620
00:30:18.458 --> 00:30:19.666
Freshman Devon.

621
00:30:20.500 --> 00:30:24.250
I mean, I am a freshman,
and my name is Devon.

622
00:30:24.958 --> 00:30:26.625
Okay, we're up next for beer pong,

623
00:30:26.708 --> 00:30:28.875
and I gotta be honest, I'm really bad. Ow!

624
00:30:28.958 --> 00:30:31.125
-Who are you?
-Uh, Michael.

625
00:30:31.208 --> 00:30:35.041
Michael, I'm watching you.
You fuck with her, you fuck with me.

626
00:30:35.625 --> 00:30:36.708
Copy that.

627
00:30:36.791 --> 00:30:39.416
-No, she's just drunk. No.
-Woo-hoo!

628
00:30:43.708 --> 00:30:46.166
Drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!

629
00:30:46.250 --> 00:30:48.416
Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!

630
00:30:48.500 --> 00:30:50.250
Drink, drink, drink, drink!

631
00:30:51.291 --> 00:30:52.875
We're never gonna die!

632
00:30:54.416 --> 00:30:55.833
Ah!

633
00:30:55.916 --> 00:30:57.166
You okay?

634
00:30:59.083 --> 00:31:03.208
So that guy was just, like,
making rice in the middle of a party?

635
00:31:03.291 --> 00:31:06.541
First I thought it was sad,
but then I realized it was definitely sad.

636
00:31:06.625 --> 00:31:08.666
-Yeah.
-Senior though.

637
00:31:09.416 --> 00:31:11.583
-I don't mind that part.
-Oh my God.

638
00:31:11.666 --> 00:31:13.666
It's 'cause your boyfriend's
in 12th grade.

639
00:31:13.750 --> 00:31:14.958
Love of my life.

640
00:31:15.041 --> 00:31:18.708
Older guys always like younger girls.
It's fucking gross.

641
00:31:19.500 --> 00:31:20.958
I think he's only 21.

642
00:31:21.458 --> 00:31:24.500
Oh, well then,
that's whatever, then. I'm 20.

643
00:31:25.125 --> 00:31:26.125
You're 20?

644
00:31:26.208 --> 00:31:31.000
What? I went to USC for a little bit,
and then I bailed out to do a gap year.

645
00:31:31.083 --> 00:31:33.500
More like thigh-gap year.

646
00:31:33.583 --> 00:31:36.041
I'm sorry. I'm trying wordplay.
It's not working.

647
00:31:36.125 --> 00:31:40.833
It's insane
that that's what you think wordplay is!

648
00:31:40.916 --> 00:31:43.375
Okay. Oh my God, I'm too hungover,
and I'm still concussed.

649
00:31:43.458 --> 00:31:45.750
You're not concussed. You're just stupid.

650
00:31:45.833 --> 00:31:48.333
I need you to learn how to drink
before we go to Panama City

651
00:31:48.416 --> 00:31:50.625
because I'm not gonna babysit your ass
out there.

652
00:31:50.708 --> 00:31:52.666
Wait, when are you guys going
to Panama City?

653
00:31:52.750 --> 00:31:55.083
Spring break. You guys should come!

654
00:31:55.166 --> 00:31:57.250
You should,
but you have to buy tickets right now.

655
00:31:57.333 --> 00:31:58.208
For April?

656
00:31:58.291 --> 00:32:00.291
Everyone from Walton goes.

657
00:32:00.375 --> 00:32:01.958
-It sells out, like, immediately.
-Yeah.

658
00:32:02.041 --> 00:32:04.791
-I'm gonna send you the link right now.
-I'm down.

659
00:32:04.875 --> 00:32:06.666
I mean, I don't have my card on me,

660
00:32:06.750 --> 00:32:09.958
but if you book the flights and stuff,
I'll Venmo you.

661
00:32:10.458 --> 00:32:13.500
-You have to do it today.
-You should do it right now.

662
00:32:13.583 --> 00:32:16.625
-You're gonna pay me back, right?
-Oh my…

663
00:32:16.708 --> 00:32:18.875
Oh my God, shut up. Just buy it.
Please, please, please!

664
00:32:18.958 --> 00:32:21.458
-Please! Mommy!
-Come on!

665
00:32:21.541 --> 00:32:23.041
Oh my God, just do it!

666
00:32:23.125 --> 00:32:25.375
Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida!

667
00:32:25.458 --> 00:32:27.166
Florida, Florida!

668
00:32:28.208 --> 00:32:29.583
I'm still drunk.

669
00:32:30.083 --> 00:32:32.166
-Let's do it.
-Yeah!

670
00:32:32.250 --> 00:32:34.916
-We're actually all going to Panama City?
-Yes!

671
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:38.333
I'm so gonna make Devon
get a tattoo there!

672
00:32:39.458 --> 00:32:41.083
I'm not doing that.

673
00:32:43.375 --> 00:32:45.125
-Yeah, all of this, yeah.
-I know.

674
00:32:47.750 --> 00:32:49.500
Good morning, everyone.

675
00:32:49.583 --> 00:32:52.541
-How are we?
-Good.

676
00:32:52.625 --> 00:32:53.875
That good, huh?

677
00:32:54.375 --> 00:32:57.250
Okay, show of hands, who completed
the assignment for the first day?

678
00:32:57.333 --> 00:32:59.875
I see the models
of your favorite buildings. Good.

679
00:32:59.958 --> 00:33:01.875
And who did not?

680
00:33:04.208 --> 00:33:05.416
And why didn't you?

681
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:08.291
Uh, just because the first line
of the syllabus said

682
00:33:08.375 --> 00:33:10.000
to read the whole syllabus,

683
00:33:10.083 --> 00:33:13.250
and the last line said to disregard
all assignments for the first day.

684
00:33:13.833 --> 00:33:18.333
Yes! First rule of structural design,
read the fucking syllabus!

685
00:33:18.416 --> 00:33:20.833
For those who did make models,
will they be graded?

686
00:33:20.916 --> 00:33:22.458
They will not.

687
00:33:22.958 --> 00:33:24.125
And you should be glad.

688
00:33:25.916 --> 00:33:28.833
Everybody, back there is
your section TA, Michael.

689
00:33:28.916 --> 00:33:31.291
If you are ever getting the urge
to email me,

690
00:33:31.375 --> 00:33:33.125
email Michael instead.

691
00:33:33.208 --> 00:33:37.250
My office hours are Friday
from two to four, but email me whenever.

692
00:33:37.333 --> 00:33:40.791
I live for your long-winded excuses
written by ChatGPT.

693
00:33:43.041 --> 00:33:46.333
He's her TA?
This could go so good or so bad.

694
00:33:46.416 --> 00:33:48.958
But they can't do anything.
The power dynamics are off.

695
00:33:49.041 --> 00:33:51.958
Girl, bye. He's still a student.
It's totally fine.

696
00:33:53.208 --> 00:33:54.833
So did she get that TA dick?

697
00:33:54.916 --> 00:33:57.958
I'll tell you more
about their burgeoning romance outside.

698
00:33:58.041 --> 00:34:02.375
Gotta take Melissa for her walk.
I see her tushy hole is throbbing.

699
00:34:02.458 --> 00:34:03.458
Ew!

700
00:34:14.833 --> 00:34:16.500
What molecule carries genetic information?

701
00:34:16.583 --> 00:34:18.000
-Nucleus.
-No.

702
00:34:18.083 --> 00:34:19.833
What type of blood cells fight infection?

703
00:34:19.916 --> 00:34:21.166
-Nucleus.
-No.

704
00:34:24.833 --> 00:34:26.041
Ugh, I feel like shit.

705
00:34:26.625 --> 00:34:29.583
-Why don't you go to our room and sleep?
-I can't.

706
00:34:29.666 --> 00:34:32.750
I have a paper
on the history of denim due tomorrow.

707
00:34:33.750 --> 00:34:35.208
How much do you have written?

708
00:34:35.833 --> 00:34:36.875
None.

709
00:34:44.583 --> 00:34:47.291
I'll do it. You just… you go rest.

710
00:34:47.375 --> 00:34:50.041
Don't you have your design midterm
due tomorrow?

711
00:34:50.125 --> 00:34:54.166
No, it's done. It's on my desk.
I just have to study for art history now.

712
00:34:55.291 --> 00:34:56.416
Okay.

713
00:34:57.041 --> 00:34:59.083
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.

714
00:34:59.166 --> 00:35:02.250
I promise I'll make it up to you,
my little genius.

715
00:35:03.541 --> 00:35:04.958
If I were you,

716
00:35:05.666 --> 00:35:08.083
I would not sleep in our dorm tonight.

717
00:35:09.208 --> 00:35:11.541
You do not wanna get what I have,
trust me.

718
00:35:14.208 --> 00:35:16.625
Girl, cover your mouth.

719
00:36:01.750 --> 00:36:02.583
Hello.

720
00:36:04.708 --> 00:36:06.291
-Bro, what the fuck?
-Yo!

721
00:36:06.375 --> 00:36:07.291
We studying.

722
00:36:07.375 --> 00:36:09.125
I'm sorry.

723
00:36:10.083 --> 00:36:12.583
-You wanna meet me outside?
-Yeah.

724
00:36:13.250 --> 00:36:14.250
Okay.

725
00:36:20.125 --> 00:36:23.333
-How did you get my number?
-I, uh… The class contact form.

726
00:36:23.416 --> 00:36:26.541
I'm sorry if that was weird, by the way.
I was trying to be funny.

727
00:36:26.625 --> 00:36:28.416
-It was very weird.
-Yeah.

728
00:36:28.500 --> 00:36:29.500
But I liked it.

729
00:36:32.041 --> 00:36:34.125
-Which way are you headed?
-Back to Addison.

730
00:36:34.208 --> 00:36:35.708
Oh, honors dorm.

731
00:36:35.791 --> 00:36:37.833
The only dorm on campus
with your own bathroom.

732
00:36:38.333 --> 00:36:41.250
Yes, living the dream,
pooing in my own room.

733
00:36:41.333 --> 00:36:43.250
Yep.

734
00:36:43.333 --> 00:36:44.958
-Yeah.
-Awesome.

735
00:36:45.458 --> 00:36:48.291
So what got Freshman Devon
into architecture, anyways?

736
00:36:48.375 --> 00:36:51.250
Actually, my grandma Gigi lives
in a Frank Lloyd Wright house.

737
00:36:51.333 --> 00:36:52.541
-What?
-Yeah.

738
00:36:52.625 --> 00:36:54.000
No freakin' way!

739
00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:56.583
Technically,
Marion Mahony Griffin designed it.

740
00:36:56.666 --> 00:36:59.500
-She was a draftsman at his firm.
-Yeah, I know who she is.

741
00:36:59.583 --> 00:37:01.083
That's maybe even cooler.

742
00:37:01.958 --> 00:37:03.750
I think I wanna visit Gigi.

743
00:37:04.250 --> 00:37:05.416
Well, she loves visitors.

744
00:37:05.500 --> 00:37:07.791
She'll make you Negronis
and ask you to dance with her.

745
00:37:07.875 --> 00:37:10.583
Okay. I'm all in on Gigi.

746
00:37:11.250 --> 00:37:13.791
But I have to warn you,
if she kisses you on the cheek,

747
00:37:13.875 --> 00:37:15.291
it's never gonna come off.

748
00:37:15.375 --> 00:37:16.791
Damn.

749
00:37:16.875 --> 00:37:18.166
Gigi sounds like my type.

750
00:37:18.666 --> 00:37:20.666
-Well, she's single.
-Okay.

751
00:37:33.583 --> 00:37:35.500
Hey, Celeste.
I brought you soup and a Pedia--

752
00:37:40.083 --> 00:37:42.708
Hey, you're in my poetry class.

753
00:37:47.708 --> 00:37:48.875
Oh my God.

754
00:37:48.958 --> 00:37:51.458
You know,
I kinda went down on you, but you--

755
00:37:51.541 --> 00:37:53.958
-Get the fuck out.
-All right.

756
00:37:58.166 --> 00:37:59.625
I'm Theo, by the way.

757
00:38:01.666 --> 00:38:03.291
I'll see you in class.

758
00:38:05.333 --> 00:38:07.333
Ooh.

759
00:38:07.833 --> 00:38:10.375
I pushed the beds together
because he was a wrestler.

760
00:38:10.458 --> 00:38:14.000
-He was, like, kinda huge.
-Yeah, I thought you were sick.

761
00:38:14.583 --> 00:38:17.250
I think it was just allergies.
I tried calling you.

762
00:38:21.875 --> 00:38:23.166
Okay. Um…

763
00:38:25.791 --> 00:38:27.000
Here's your paper.

764
00:38:27.625 --> 00:38:29.291
Oh, thank you.

765
00:38:30.875 --> 00:38:34.291
You mind emailing it to me too?
I might wanna make a couple tweaks.

766
00:38:35.041 --> 00:38:36.875
Yeah. Sure.

767
00:38:46.166 --> 00:38:47.750
Did we break your thing?

768
00:38:48.750 --> 00:38:49.583
Yeah.

769
00:38:50.291 --> 00:38:51.250
I'll figure it out.

770
00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:12.625
-Who's calling?
-Devon.

771
00:39:12.708 --> 00:39:13.583
Oh.

772
00:39:14.666 --> 00:39:16.041
-Hi.
-Hi, honey.

773
00:39:16.625 --> 00:39:18.166
Where are you? It looks dangerous.

774
00:39:18.250 --> 00:39:21.583
What? I'm in the laundry room.
I'm just washing my sheets.

775
00:39:21.666 --> 00:39:23.125
What's wrong? What's going on?

776
00:39:24.333 --> 00:39:27.583
-It's just Celeste. She's so annoying.
-I thought you liked her.

777
00:39:27.666 --> 00:39:29.583
-What do you mean?
-She just…

778
00:39:30.166 --> 00:39:33.083
I offered to help her with her paper
because she said she was sick,

779
00:39:33.166 --> 00:39:35.875
and when I got home,
she was randomly way better.

780
00:39:35.958 --> 00:39:38.583
Hey, sweetheart,
we don't do other people's schoolwork.

781
00:39:38.666 --> 00:39:40.750
Oh my God, Dad, you're missing the point.

782
00:39:40.833 --> 00:39:42.125
Okay? I'm gonna go.

783
00:39:42.208 --> 00:39:43.708
-Babe.
-No! Don't go.

784
00:39:43.791 --> 00:39:45.041
Let's talk about it.

785
00:39:45.125 --> 00:39:47.791
Let us know,
what's she doing to you, sweetie?

786
00:39:48.500 --> 00:39:51.958
My entire mini-fridge is full
of her stinky kombucha bottles.

787
00:39:52.041 --> 00:39:54.208
She doesn't clean the bathroom ever.

788
00:39:54.291 --> 00:39:57.208
She borrowed my new hoodie,
and I hadn't even taken the price tag off.

789
00:39:57.291 --> 00:39:59.708
-Mm-hmm.
-But, Dev… Okay. Uh…

790
00:39:59.791 --> 00:40:03.083
Have you tried… talking to her?

791
00:40:03.666 --> 00:40:05.875
What? No. That would be so weird.

792
00:40:05.958 --> 00:40:09.791
Hey, sweetheart, look,
we don't talk about people.

793
00:40:09.875 --> 00:40:11.583
We talk to them, okay?

794
00:40:11.666 --> 00:40:12.958
-Right.
-Understand?

795
00:40:13.041 --> 00:40:14.416
Dad, it's a FaceTime.

796
00:40:14.500 --> 00:40:16.125
Take it away from your ear.

797
00:40:16.208 --> 00:40:19.208
-Ah!
-He thought it was an EarTime, honey.

798
00:40:19.291 --> 00:40:21.833
-It's fine.
-I just miss you guys.

799
00:40:21.916 --> 00:40:22.833
We miss you too.

800
00:40:22.916 --> 00:40:25.333
We miss you too,
and you are coming home, okay?

801
00:40:25.416 --> 00:40:27.416
-Thanksgiving is a few weeks away.
-Okay.

802
00:40:27.500 --> 00:40:31.208
While we're talking about travel,
I did see a charge for $4,000

803
00:40:31.291 --> 00:40:34.583
for plane tickets
on the emergency credit cards.

804
00:40:34.666 --> 00:40:36.708
Oh my God, I'm sorry.
That's for spring break.

805
00:40:36.791 --> 00:40:38.666
I'll Venmo you once Celeste pays me back.

806
00:40:38.750 --> 00:40:41.208
Doesn't she have her own father
to take advantage of?

807
00:40:41.291 --> 00:40:44.375
-Oh my God.
-I can't believe there's machines open.

808
00:40:44.875 --> 00:40:47.125
-Hi.
-That is nuts. Are you on FaceTime?

809
00:40:47.208 --> 00:40:49.333
Yeah, I'm on FaceTime with my parents.

810
00:40:49.416 --> 00:40:50.916
Oh my God!

811
00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:53.541
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. I'm Celeste.

812
00:40:53.625 --> 00:40:55.208
-Hi, Celeste.
-Hey, kiddo.

813
00:40:55.291 --> 00:41:00.416
Hey, your daughter is legitimately
my favorite part about college.

814
00:41:00.500 --> 00:41:01.458
Aw.

815
00:41:01.541 --> 00:41:03.583
You know what?
She says the same thing about you.

816
00:41:03.666 --> 00:41:05.416
-Doesn't she, honey?
-She really does.

817
00:41:05.500 --> 00:41:07.916
Celeste, honey,
what are you doing for the holidays?

818
00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:09.750
Anything nice for Thanksgiving?

819
00:41:09.833 --> 00:41:15.208
Um… Probably stay on campus, um…
because I have some family stuff going on.

820
00:41:15.291 --> 00:41:18.583
But it'll be good to catch up
on some sleep.

821
00:41:18.666 --> 00:41:21.125
Wow. Sorry, my therapist is calling.

822
00:41:22.083 --> 00:41:23.958
-At midnight?
-It was nice to meet you!

823
00:41:24.041 --> 00:41:26.416
Celeste, it's so nice to meet you, honey.

824
00:41:27.500 --> 00:41:29.458
-Devon? Dev?
-Yeah?

825
00:41:29.541 --> 00:41:31.000
Invite her here.

826
00:41:31.083 --> 00:41:32.958
-What? No.
-Dev.

827
00:41:33.041 --> 00:41:37.375
She's doing a shrink at midnight, okay?
She looks like some sort of a vagabond.

828
00:41:37.458 --> 00:41:39.375
-Can you say gypsy anymore?
-No.

829
00:41:39.458 --> 00:41:42.625
It's nice to have a friend.
You like her, so just work it out.

830
00:41:42.708 --> 00:41:45.708
Did you not just hear what I said?
I'm not inviting her.

831
00:41:45.791 --> 00:41:47.958
Invite her here.

832
00:41:51.708 --> 00:41:54.208
It won't stay

833
00:41:54.291 --> 00:41:57.125
But I'll talk to you
Till it's gone again…

834
00:41:57.208 --> 00:42:00.875
Oh my God, I'm so happy to be off campus.

835
00:42:00.958 --> 00:42:02.458
Thank you, Dev.

836
00:42:02.541 --> 00:42:04.083
Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

837
00:42:04.583 --> 00:42:06.083
Um, also,

838
00:42:06.708 --> 00:42:11.833
I just wanted to say sorry
about that night during midterms.

839
00:42:12.375 --> 00:42:16.666
You know, when you do something,
then afterwards you realize, like,

840
00:42:17.166 --> 00:42:19.791
"Fuck, like,
that was really stupid of me."

841
00:42:19.875 --> 00:42:21.458
No, it's all good.

842
00:42:21.541 --> 00:42:26.083
I just… I would appreciate if
you didn't sit on guys' faces in my bed.

843
00:42:26.166 --> 00:42:29.750
That is an incredibly fair request.

844
00:42:29.833 --> 00:42:31.250
I can commit to that.

845
00:42:31.333 --> 00:42:33.791
I believe in you.

846
00:42:37.125 --> 00:42:39.500
Damn, you didn't tell me
you were rich rich.

847
00:42:39.583 --> 00:42:41.541
We're not rich. We're, like, middle class.

848
00:42:41.625 --> 00:42:44.625
Why do rich people always like
to say they're middle class?

849
00:42:44.708 --> 00:42:46.750
Hi! Aw.

850
00:42:46.833 --> 00:42:48.916
-Hi.
-Did you grow?

851
00:42:49.000 --> 00:42:50.291
-Maybe.
-Are you taller?

852
00:42:50.375 --> 00:42:51.666
-Yes.
-Hi, are we allowed to hug?

853
00:42:51.750 --> 00:42:53.458
-Yes.
-I don't know what the… Okay.

854
00:42:53.958 --> 00:42:55.583
Okay, other rules, no shoes.

855
00:42:55.666 --> 00:42:57.166
-Get the cowboy boots off.
-It's fine.

856
00:42:57.250 --> 00:42:59.791
Captain Buzzkill. Hi, girls.

857
00:42:59.875 --> 00:43:02.416
Celeste, it's whatever you want, baby.

858
00:43:02.500 --> 00:43:04.500
-Hi, Devon.
-Hi, Mom.

859
00:43:05.500 --> 00:43:06.541
Hi.

860
00:43:07.625 --> 00:43:10.333
-You look so beautiful.
-Welcome home, D-bag.

861
00:43:10.416 --> 00:43:11.583
-Hi.
-Hi.

862
00:43:12.875 --> 00:43:13.791
-Hi.
-Hi.

863
00:43:13.875 --> 00:43:15.208
-I'm Alex.
-Hi.

864
00:43:15.291 --> 00:43:17.208
I can take your… Yeah.

865
00:43:17.291 --> 00:43:18.458
Look at this gentleman.

866
00:43:18.541 --> 00:43:20.000
-Chivalry's alive.
-Yes.

867
00:43:20.083 --> 00:43:21.000
-Hi, honey.
-Hi.

868
00:43:21.083 --> 00:43:23.000
-I'm so happy you're here.
-Me too.

869
00:43:24.083 --> 00:43:27.125
Brian, we're gonna order sushi.
You like sushi?

870
00:43:27.208 --> 00:43:28.333
-Yes, love sushi.
-Yeah?

871
00:43:28.416 --> 00:43:30.125
-Okay, let's have some.
-Okay.

872
00:43:31.250 --> 00:43:33.541
Whatever happened
to fucking chicken fingers?

873
00:43:34.041 --> 00:43:35.833
No, let's get $200 of eel.

874
00:43:38.083 --> 00:43:41.625
If you wanted me to

875
00:43:42.625 --> 00:43:45.208
I'd dull them down for you…

876
00:43:45.291 --> 00:43:48.000
First place
at the Montclair Junior Swim Meet?

877
00:43:48.083 --> 00:43:50.791
No. I actually came in last place,

878
00:43:50.875 --> 00:43:54.666
but my parents just made me that
because they were proud I participated?

879
00:43:54.750 --> 00:43:57.500
Look at the inscription.
It literally says, "Best try."

880
00:43:58.833 --> 00:44:01.958
Wow, your parents never wanted you
to feel bad, did they?

881
00:44:02.041 --> 00:44:04.208
Oh, yeah. They love me.

882
00:44:04.708 --> 00:44:06.958
I feel like maybe too much sometimes.

883
00:44:08.583 --> 00:44:09.625
What are these?

884
00:44:09.708 --> 00:44:10.916
Oh my God.

885
00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:12.833
"I am more than my anxiety."

886
00:44:12.916 --> 00:44:15.750
No, they're just,
like, little affirmations.

887
00:44:15.833 --> 00:44:18.541
No, you can put them up
in our bathroom if you want.

888
00:44:19.041 --> 00:44:24.125
-No, I don't… I don't need them anymore.
-Why? Do you… do you take something?

889
00:44:25.125 --> 00:44:27.375
Uh… I take Effexor.

890
00:44:27.458 --> 00:44:30.500
-Like, a super low dose though.
-Why didn't you tell me?

891
00:44:31.000 --> 00:44:32.666
I'm just kinda private about it.

892
00:44:32.750 --> 00:44:34.791
I told you about my therapist.

893
00:44:34.875 --> 00:44:37.791
No, I know that.
I… I should've said something.

894
00:44:37.875 --> 00:44:39.708
I'm sorry. I don't know why.

895
00:44:39.791 --> 00:44:40.875
I'm sorry. It's fine.

896
00:44:40.958 --> 00:44:42.583
We're fine. It's okay.

897
00:44:43.916 --> 00:44:44.916
Yo, Celeste.

898
00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:46.250
You play Catan?

899
00:44:47.125 --> 00:44:51.000
Uh, you know, I didn't really play
board games 'cause I was always popular,

900
00:44:51.083 --> 00:44:52.541
but… what's Catan?

901
00:44:52.625 --> 00:44:56.041
It's actually, like, really fun.
You build roads and settlements and stuff.

902
00:44:58.666 --> 00:45:00.125
Alex, can we think about it?

903
00:45:00.708 --> 00:45:02.000
Uh, yeah, sure.

904
00:45:04.416 --> 00:45:08.041
-So when did your brother come out?
-Oh, he hasn't brought that up.

905
00:45:08.125 --> 00:45:10.041
Oh, okay.

906
00:45:11.583 --> 00:45:13.750
Well, we should go out tonight.

907
00:45:13.833 --> 00:45:16.500
After Catan? I mean, it's kind of a…
it's a long game.

908
00:45:16.583 --> 00:45:19.833
-Uh, maybe Catan's a different night.
-Okay.

909
00:45:20.416 --> 00:45:23.708
We can go to the bowling alley
or the mall.

910
00:45:23.791 --> 00:45:26.041
I mean, it closes at 10:00,
but we can go for a little.

911
00:45:26.125 --> 00:45:28.875
-No. Like, a bar.
-Oh.

912
00:45:28.958 --> 00:45:32.041
No. We won't be able to get in.
I mean, all the bars here card.

913
00:45:32.125 --> 00:45:35.625
Oh…

914
00:45:35.708 --> 00:45:37.250
Well,

915
00:45:37.333 --> 00:45:41.250
it is a good thing…
it's a really good thing

916
00:45:41.333 --> 00:45:42.666
that we have IDs!

917
00:45:46.375 --> 00:45:49.416
One, two princes kneel before you

918
00:45:49.500 --> 00:45:51.041
That's what I said now

919
00:45:51.125 --> 00:45:52.916
Princes, princes who…

920
00:45:53.000 --> 00:45:55.041
Thank you for letting me borrow this.

921
00:45:55.125 --> 00:45:56.791
Yes, of course. You look awesome.

922
00:45:56.875 --> 00:45:58.625
Diamonds in his pockets

923
00:45:58.708 --> 00:46:00.583
And that's some bread now

924
00:46:00.666 --> 00:46:02.458
This one said he wants to buy you…

925
00:46:02.541 --> 00:46:04.666
Wait, you used my real name?

926
00:46:05.166 --> 00:46:06.875
No, you wanna use your real name.

927
00:46:06.958 --> 00:46:08.791
That way,
you can still use your credit card.

928
00:46:09.708 --> 00:46:10.791
Oh, wait, that's smart.

929
00:46:10.875 --> 00:46:13.666
Yeah, it's the home address
you wanna change.

930
00:46:14.166 --> 00:46:17.000
That way, if they take it,
they can't track you down.

931
00:46:17.083 --> 00:46:18.625
They'll never find you

932
00:46:18.708 --> 00:46:21.500
at 126 Crestview Road,
Stamford, Connecticut.

933
00:46:22.541 --> 00:46:25.458
That's my address. That's my home address.
See, I switched around the fakes.

934
00:46:25.541 --> 00:46:29.250
So, technically,
this is my hometown bar, not yours.

935
00:46:29.750 --> 00:46:30.750
All right.

936
00:46:31.250 --> 00:46:32.333
Penis time.

937
00:46:33.583 --> 00:46:34.583
Hey, dude.

938
00:46:34.666 --> 00:46:37.041
Yeah, let's see some IDs, ladies.

939
00:46:37.125 --> 00:46:38.333
Yes.

940
00:46:40.333 --> 00:46:42.208
Yeah, fine, whatever.
What are you drinking?

941
00:46:43.583 --> 00:46:44.416
For real?

942
00:46:44.500 --> 00:46:49.125
We will get two tequila sodas with lime
and six green-tea shots.

943
00:46:49.208 --> 00:46:50.291
Open or closed?

944
00:46:50.375 --> 00:46:51.250
Open.

945
00:46:51.750 --> 00:46:52.958
Do you have your card?

946
00:46:53.041 --> 00:46:54.916
Now, and if you wanna buy…

947
00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:56.666
Uh, yeah. Yeah.

948
00:46:56.750 --> 00:46:57.583
Devon?

949
00:46:58.083 --> 00:47:00.500
And if you would like
To talk for hours…

950
00:47:00.583 --> 00:47:01.791
Hi!

951
00:47:01.875 --> 00:47:04.541
Devon! This is so fun.

952
00:47:04.625 --> 00:47:07.250
You're literally the last person
I thought we'd see out tonight.

953
00:47:07.333 --> 00:47:08.416
So cute.

954
00:47:08.500 --> 00:47:13.791
Oh, this is Ella, Emma, Ava, and… Enema.

955
00:47:15.416 --> 00:47:17.250
I'm Celeste. I'm Devon's best friend.

956
00:47:17.833 --> 00:47:19.333
-Oh!
-Nice to meet you.

957
00:47:19.416 --> 00:47:20.958
We know Devon from high school.

958
00:47:21.041 --> 00:47:23.041
Oh, nice.

959
00:47:24.416 --> 00:47:27.250
Are you gonna introduce yourself
or keep staring at me?

960
00:47:28.083 --> 00:47:30.916
Uh, oh, I was just staring
at your tattoos.

961
00:47:31.000 --> 00:47:34.416
No, you weren't, but that's okay.
Who wants to do a shot?

962
00:47:34.500 --> 00:47:36.375
-What?
-Ah!

963
00:47:36.458 --> 00:47:37.291
Is that it?

964
00:47:37.375 --> 00:47:38.833
-Are you serious?
-Free alcohol.

965
00:47:38.916 --> 00:47:40.625
-Why would you do that?
-You want one?

966
00:47:40.708 --> 00:47:43.541
What? Oh, definitely.

967
00:47:44.041 --> 00:47:45.208
Mm!

968
00:47:45.291 --> 00:47:47.041
Oh fuck.

969
00:47:47.541 --> 00:47:49.250
Devon, what should we cheers to?

970
00:47:49.750 --> 00:47:53.625
-To not being in high school anymore.
-That's so real.

971
00:47:53.708 --> 00:47:55.083
-Love you.
-Cheers.

972
00:47:55.583 --> 00:47:57.750
I'm the one that loves you, baby
Can't you see?

973
00:47:57.833 --> 00:47:58.958
Find me later.

974
00:47:59.541 --> 00:48:00.416
Okay.

975
00:48:00.500 --> 00:48:02.333
I know what a prince and lover
ought to be

976
00:48:02.416 --> 00:48:04.875
I know what a prince and lover
ought to be…

977
00:48:04.958 --> 00:48:07.375
Up next is a character who reminds us

978
00:48:07.458 --> 00:48:10.458
it's never too late to try something new.

979
00:48:10.541 --> 00:48:11.750
Leo has spent years…

980
00:48:11.833 --> 00:48:15.833
I almost had to beat up an old
lady to get these tiny marshmallows.

981
00:48:16.333 --> 00:48:18.166
But I got 'em! Ha-ha-ha!

982
00:48:19.291 --> 00:48:22.250
Oh, Leo. Truly inspiring,

983
00:48:22.333 --> 00:48:25.625
and he brings back happy memories for me…

984
00:48:26.125 --> 00:48:29.083
Hey, D? You ask your mom
if she needs any help?

985
00:48:29.166 --> 00:48:30.625
I'm doing the mashed potatoes!

986
00:48:30.708 --> 00:48:33.833
Okay, well, that's the easiest one.
Can you see if she needs anything?

987
00:48:33.916 --> 00:48:36.458
-Jesus!
-Make yourself available.

988
00:48:36.541 --> 00:48:39.208
-Fine.
-Mick Jagger with the sunglasses.

989
00:48:39.291 --> 00:48:42.291
-Celeste, you can sit.
-Oh, no, I insist.

990
00:48:42.791 --> 00:48:44.541
Okay, fine. Love you, Brian.

991
00:48:49.666 --> 00:48:51.291
Babe, did you get the carrots?

992
00:48:52.416 --> 00:48:54.541
I am annoying. I am fake.

993
00:48:54.625 --> 00:48:56.583
I'm not who I'm being. I'm pretending…

994
00:48:56.666 --> 00:48:58.166
Have you ever seen Drag Race?

995
00:48:58.666 --> 00:49:00.125
Uh… no.

996
00:49:00.208 --> 00:49:02.583
How am I supposed to feel in this moment…

997
00:49:03.083 --> 00:49:05.666
You should. You'd love it.

998
00:49:05.750 --> 00:49:08.208
I didn't wanna make it
that everybody was attacking you!

999
00:49:08.291 --> 00:49:10.041
I feel very attacked!

1000
00:49:11.500 --> 00:49:12.625
Ugh.

1001
00:49:14.250 --> 00:49:16.833
Celeste seems like a good hang.
Did you have fun last night?

1002
00:49:17.333 --> 00:49:19.458
Uh, yeah, unfortunately.

1003
00:49:19.541 --> 00:49:21.416
When I was in college and had a hangover,

1004
00:49:21.500 --> 00:49:24.416
I'd drink a whole bottle of wine,
eat some chicken nuggets,

1005
00:49:24.500 --> 00:49:26.291
take a nap, and just sleep all day.

1006
00:49:26.375 --> 00:49:28.333
Mom, that's really sad.

1007
00:49:28.416 --> 00:49:31.333
Well, all moms are a little sad.
You'll see.

1008
00:49:32.416 --> 00:49:35.791
Hello, Weisz family!

1009
00:49:35.875 --> 00:49:38.541
-Happy Thanksgiving! We're here!
-Hi, babies!

1010
00:49:38.625 --> 00:49:39.458
-Hi.
-Hi, Mom.

1011
00:49:39.541 --> 00:49:41.125
-Happy Thanksgiving!
-Hi!

1012
00:49:41.208 --> 00:49:43.500
-I… I brought the Negronis.
-Hi.

1013
00:49:43.583 --> 00:49:45.250
-Hi.
-It's so good to see you.

1014
00:49:45.333 --> 00:49:48.166
-Happy Thanksgiving, Gigi.
-Happy Thanksgiving, my dear.

1015
00:49:48.250 --> 00:49:51.166
Honey, how is college going?

1016
00:49:51.250 --> 00:49:53.208
Are you an architect yet?

1017
00:49:53.291 --> 00:49:54.583
Ha! No, not yet.

1018
00:49:54.666 --> 00:49:58.416
Well, did you tell those professors
about the house that I live in?

1019
00:49:58.500 --> 00:50:01.708
-Yeah, I did.
-That didn't buy you… Uh-oh.

1020
00:50:02.291 --> 00:50:04.666
Who is this beautiful young woman?

1021
00:50:04.750 --> 00:50:06.958
Oh, this is… this is my roommate, Celeste.

1022
00:50:07.041 --> 00:50:08.833
Celeste?

1023
00:50:08.916 --> 00:50:11.500
Well, I am your Gigi.

1024
00:50:11.583 --> 00:50:13.541
Now come here, come here.

1025
00:50:13.625 --> 00:50:15.041
Mwah!

1026
00:50:15.541 --> 00:50:19.166
Here's Brian! Hi!

1027
00:50:19.250 --> 00:50:21.250
Bulla, you grew your mustache back.

1028
00:50:21.333 --> 00:50:23.875
-Just to piss you off.
-Mission accomplished.

1029
00:50:23.958 --> 00:50:26.041
D, can you help me
with the turkey, please?

1030
00:50:26.125 --> 00:50:28.291
-Want me to get Alex?
-No, I don't trust him near this.

1031
00:50:29.166 --> 00:50:31.458
-You are a wanted woman.
-I'll start the sprouts.

1032
00:50:31.541 --> 00:50:32.375
Thank you, honey.

1033
00:50:32.458 --> 00:50:34.500
-Hi, Mom.
-Come on, I need my girl.

1034
00:50:35.583 --> 00:50:38.208
Why don't you get it?

1035
00:50:38.291 --> 00:50:40.166
-I need some ice.
-You got it.

1036
00:50:40.250 --> 00:50:41.500
Can I get you a drink?

1037
00:50:41.583 --> 00:50:42.833
-Yes.
-Come on.

1038
00:50:43.333 --> 00:50:47.500
Ooh! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

1039
00:50:47.583 --> 00:50:49.166
It's good. You can do kettlebell.

1040
00:50:49.250 --> 00:50:51.625
You can kinda do
your kettlebell exercise like that.

1041
00:50:52.208 --> 00:50:53.875
You can swing it, too, if you want.

1042
00:50:55.500 --> 00:50:58.083
I don't want this to look sexual.
I'm doing it wrong.

1043
00:50:58.166 --> 00:50:59.791
-It is.
-Okay, then I'm gonna stop.

1044
00:50:59.875 --> 00:51:01.291
Can you take a picture?

1045
00:51:01.958 --> 00:51:03.125
Yeah.

1046
00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:06.500
-That's good.
-For the grid?

1047
00:51:06.583 --> 00:51:09.625
-No.
-Just for stories? Okay.

1048
00:51:09.708 --> 00:51:11.291
I'm gonna lower it down.

1049
00:51:11.375 --> 00:51:14.708
Ooh! Listen to that sizzle.

1050
00:51:15.666 --> 00:51:17.583
Celeste is, uh… She's funny.

1051
00:51:18.750 --> 00:51:20.708
-Yeah.
-You're funnier though.

1052
00:51:21.208 --> 00:51:23.833
-Thank you.
-Okay. Keep an eye on it, okay?

1053
00:51:24.333 --> 00:51:26.166
-Hey, D?
-Mm-hmm.

1054
00:51:26.791 --> 00:51:28.791
-I love you.
-I love you.

1055
00:51:33.583 --> 00:51:35.583
You are so cute!

1056
00:51:35.666 --> 00:51:37.750
-You are so cute!
-Oh my God.

1057
00:51:39.458 --> 00:51:41.125
Wow, no way!

1058
00:51:41.958 --> 00:51:43.875
Another one?

1059
00:51:49.916 --> 00:51:52.250
Hey, honey.

1060
00:51:52.333 --> 00:51:53.250
Hi.

1061
00:51:53.333 --> 00:51:55.458
-You're out here all alone?
-Yeah.

1062
00:51:56.083 --> 00:51:57.208
Now you're not.

1063
00:51:58.291 --> 00:52:01.291
You know,
your friend in there is so pretty.

1064
00:52:02.250 --> 00:52:05.583
But those tattoos are so ugly.

1065
00:52:05.666 --> 00:52:08.583
-What is that about?
-Stop. Don't say that.

1066
00:52:08.666 --> 00:52:11.208
I'm gonna take a shift.

1067
00:52:11.291 --> 00:52:13.666
No, no. Go back inside. I got it.

1068
00:52:13.750 --> 00:52:17.041
They won't let me do anything in there.
I can watch a turkey.

1069
00:52:17.125 --> 00:52:20.791
Be with your friend.
You brought her. Go be with her.

1070
00:52:22.500 --> 00:52:23.625
'Kay.

1071
00:52:23.708 --> 00:52:25.250
-Okay.
-Bye.

1072
00:52:30.166 --> 00:52:34.750
When I was your age, I got
a tattoo with my college boyfriend, Vern.

1073
00:52:34.833 --> 00:52:37.208
Oh my God.
Vicki, you were crazy about Vern.

1074
00:52:37.291 --> 00:52:40.041
She was obsessed with Vern.
I mean, in fairness, everybody was.

1075
00:52:40.125 --> 00:52:42.916
I'll never forget how happy he made me.

1076
00:52:43.833 --> 00:52:46.583
Fun fact about Vern,
he's now married to Whitney Cummings.

1077
00:52:46.666 --> 00:52:47.791
-Get out.
-Who?

1078
00:52:47.875 --> 00:52:51.958
Yeah, I know I act like I'm cool
with all the Vern talk, but I'm not.

1079
00:52:52.041 --> 00:52:54.708
Okay, you know Devon has a Vern.

1080
00:52:54.791 --> 00:52:55.875
He's her TA.

1081
00:52:55.958 --> 00:52:58.666
-What are you talking about?
-Really?

1082
00:52:58.750 --> 00:53:00.250
My Devon likes a boy.

1083
00:53:00.333 --> 00:53:03.041
Every time Devon's around him,

1084
00:53:03.125 --> 00:53:07.166
she's like, "Michael,
I'm in love with you."

1085
00:53:07.250 --> 00:53:08.416
I don't say that.

1086
00:53:08.500 --> 00:53:11.000
-Something is going on out there.
-What?

1087
00:53:12.166 --> 00:53:13.333
Oh my God!

1088
00:53:13.416 --> 00:53:15.333
Oh, Mom! Mom!

1089
00:53:15.416 --> 00:53:16.916
Devon, go help!

1090
00:53:17.000 --> 00:53:19.041
Go! Mom! Mom!

1091
00:53:19.125 --> 00:53:20.916
Oh God, what do we do?

1092
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:23.291
-Gigi's on fire!
-Oh my God! Ah!

1093
00:53:23.375 --> 00:53:24.416
I got it.

1094
00:53:28.625 --> 00:53:30.625
Oh my God! Mom, are you okay?

1095
00:53:30.708 --> 00:53:32.916
Mommy, Mommy… Oh my God.

1096
00:53:33.708 --> 00:53:34.666
What happened?

1097
00:53:35.333 --> 00:53:37.416
-I spilled my drink.
-You don't need that.

1098
00:53:37.500 --> 00:53:39.250
You all right? You okay?

1099
00:53:39.333 --> 00:53:41.166
-I'm okay.
-Okay, okay.

1100
00:53:42.708 --> 00:53:45.875
-You're supposed to be watching the fryer.
-She told me to go inside!

1101
00:53:45.958 --> 00:53:47.666
-I don't know!
-Brian, Brian, it's okay.

1102
00:53:47.750 --> 00:53:50.875
I knew Devon was out of it today,
so I had to be the responsible one.

1103
00:53:51.458 --> 00:53:55.666
Oh, what size head do you have?
I'm gonna crochet you a hat.

1104
00:53:55.750 --> 00:53:57.250
Grandma's hats are iconic.

1105
00:53:57.333 --> 00:54:00.750
-Celeste, that was unbelievable.
-An angel.

1106
00:54:00.833 --> 00:54:02.875
She was like a frickin' firefighter.

1107
00:54:06.708 --> 00:54:10.041
Devon woke up the next morning
with a stomach ache,

1108
00:54:10.125 --> 00:54:13.708
knowing she had to spend
the rest of the weekend with Celeste.

1109
00:54:22.625 --> 00:54:24.750
Immediately, she felt better.

1110
00:54:24.833 --> 00:54:27.583
Hey, D, you up yet?
Come have some breakfast.

1111
00:54:27.666 --> 00:54:29.041
I'm making waffles!

1112
00:54:29.125 --> 00:54:31.666
-Don't burn 'em, Dad!
-Too late!

1113
00:54:33.666 --> 00:54:37.958
Devon returned to the dorms
just in time for her 19th birthday.

1114
00:54:53.583 --> 00:54:56.250
-Happy birthday!
-God.

1115
00:54:57.750 --> 00:54:59.791
Thank you so much. This is so nice.

1116
00:54:59.875 --> 00:55:01.541
Of course. You like it?

1117
00:55:01.625 --> 00:55:03.416
Yeah. I can't believe you did all this.

1118
00:55:03.500 --> 00:55:07.583
So I'm thinking, for your birthday,
the four of us, we go to Abba.

1119
00:55:07.666 --> 00:55:10.666
It's, like, Mediterranean,
but they also have a hookah lounge.

1120
00:55:10.750 --> 00:55:12.791
-That sounds awesome.
-Nice. Okay.

1121
00:55:12.875 --> 00:55:14.666
-I'm gonna shower.
-Yeah.

1122
00:55:18.208 --> 00:55:19.208
Um…

1123
00:55:20.041 --> 00:55:22.000
Is that my bra and underwear?

1124
00:55:22.083 --> 00:55:24.791
Yeah, they were… in my drawer?

1125
00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:48.041
Celeste's actions had moved
Devon from anxious to full-blown paranoid.

1126
00:55:48.125 --> 00:55:49.625
She needed a second opinion,

1127
00:55:49.708 --> 00:55:52.625
so she went
to the smartest woman on campus.

1128
00:55:53.750 --> 00:55:55.000
Hey, girlypop.

1129
00:55:55.083 --> 00:55:57.250
Wait, you're in this story?

1130
00:55:57.333 --> 00:55:59.291
Why do you have a fuckin' bowl cut?

1131
00:55:59.375 --> 00:56:00.750
It was a bob,

1132
00:56:00.833 --> 00:56:03.416
and how are you seeing that, anyway?
That's weird.

1133
00:56:04.375 --> 00:56:06.875
Wow. These are awesome.

1134
00:56:06.958 --> 00:56:10.041
-My mom's a ceramicist.
-Oh, nice. Yeah.

1135
00:56:10.125 --> 00:56:12.625
The welding studio is,
like, a 20-minute walk away,

1136
00:56:12.708 --> 00:56:15.208
so I was like, "Fuck walking."

1137
00:56:15.291 --> 00:56:16.625
Is the school okay with that?

1138
00:56:17.125 --> 00:56:18.166
No.

1139
00:56:20.083 --> 00:56:24.250
So you're just here to admire my decor.

1140
00:56:25.458 --> 00:56:28.500
I was wondering what the process is
for switching roommates.

1141
00:56:29.083 --> 00:56:30.708
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1142
00:56:31.208 --> 00:56:33.875
Switching roommates is a last resort.

1143
00:56:33.958 --> 00:56:37.125
The school only allows that
in extreme circumstances.

1144
00:56:37.208 --> 00:56:39.166
She'd have to be,
like, threatening your life or…

1145
00:56:39.250 --> 00:56:42.583
I'm just… I'm having a problem
with boundaries,

1146
00:56:42.666 --> 00:56:44.416
if you have any advice about that?

1147
00:56:44.916 --> 00:56:48.375
The thing about communication is
that you're not gonna get what you want

1148
00:56:48.458 --> 00:56:50.125
unless you ask for it.

1149
00:56:50.208 --> 00:56:51.666
So just be direct.

1150
00:56:54.333 --> 00:56:56.291
Celeste, can I talk to you
about something?

1151
00:56:56.375 --> 00:56:58.541
Not now.
After we watch Clueless.

1152
00:56:58.625 --> 00:57:03.250
Oh my God, I cannot believe
you haven't seen this fucking movie.

1153
00:57:03.333 --> 00:57:05.125
-You were so sheltered.
-He gave me a C-minus.

1154
00:57:05.208 --> 00:57:07.125
-Well, he gave me a C…
-Trivia fact.

1155
00:57:07.208 --> 00:57:10.000
Stacey Dash was 30 when she filmed this.

1156
00:57:10.500 --> 00:57:12.458
30? That's close to your age.

1157
00:57:16.416 --> 00:57:18.083
Whoa! What the fuck?

1158
00:57:18.166 --> 00:57:20.041
Sorry, I, um…

1159
00:57:20.541 --> 00:57:22.708
I just have to charge my computer.

1160
00:57:23.291 --> 00:57:24.833
It's about to die.

1161
00:57:27.166 --> 00:57:28.916
-Go back.
-Yeah.

1162
00:57:30.541 --> 00:57:32.333
-Did you get your report card?
-Yeah.

1163
00:57:32.416 --> 00:57:34.083
I'm toast. How'd you do?

1164
00:57:34.166 --> 00:57:37.541
I totally choked.
My father is gonna go ballistic on me.

1165
00:57:38.625 --> 00:57:42.666
So I have really enjoyed
reading all your poems this semester.

1166
00:57:42.750 --> 00:57:46.500
I loved it so much that I think
the entire class should get a chance

1167
00:57:46.583 --> 00:57:48.041
to hear them before winter break.

1168
00:57:48.125 --> 00:57:50.708
Oh, come on. Who's gonna kick us off?

1169
00:57:50.791 --> 00:57:52.000
Anybody?

1170
00:57:52.083 --> 00:57:53.916
-Don't jump up at once.
-I'll go.

1171
00:57:54.625 --> 00:57:56.583
Celeste, all right, come on down.

1172
00:58:04.166 --> 00:58:05.791
My poem is called

1173
00:58:06.583 --> 00:58:09.333
The Girl Who's Barely There.

1174
00:58:10.791 --> 00:58:12.125
It's 8:00 a.m

1175
00:58:12.625 --> 00:58:16.125
The girl methodically
Puts together an outfit

1176
00:58:16.208 --> 00:58:19.291
That precisely zero people will notice

1177
00:58:19.791 --> 00:58:21.125
It's almost as if

1178
00:58:22.083 --> 00:58:23.041
That's her goal

1179
00:58:23.541 --> 00:58:25.958
To be imperceptible

1180
00:58:26.041 --> 00:58:27.875
Inoffensive

1181
00:58:27.958 --> 00:58:30.208
Insignificant

1182
00:58:30.708 --> 00:58:33.750
She's the girl who's barely there

1183
00:58:34.916 --> 00:58:36.250
It's noon

1184
00:58:36.333 --> 00:58:41.125
The girl laughs too hard
At a joke of a handsome senior

1185
00:58:41.208 --> 00:58:43.000
He's a kaleidoscope

1186
00:58:43.083 --> 00:58:44.708
She's beige

1187
00:58:45.291 --> 00:58:47.500
Yet also clear

1188
00:58:48.416 --> 00:58:51.791
She's the girl who's barely there

1189
00:58:52.291 --> 00:58:53.500
It's 10:00 p.m.

1190
00:58:53.583 --> 00:58:56.125
The girl waits for someone
To make plans for her

1191
00:58:56.208 --> 00:58:57.541
She wonders

1192
00:58:57.625 --> 00:59:02.166
"Do I exist merely to refract
The brilliance of others?"

1193
00:59:02.250 --> 00:59:04.875
"Am I like a glass wall

1194
00:59:04.958 --> 00:59:09.625
So translucent that someone
Might walk straight through me?"

1195
00:59:10.666 --> 00:59:13.625
Crash, sweep, trash

1196
00:59:14.125 --> 00:59:15.000
Gone

1197
00:59:15.958 --> 00:59:20.083
She's the girl who used to be there

1198
00:59:27.750 --> 00:59:29.875
Great job, Celeste.

1199
00:59:29.958 --> 00:59:33.250
Oh. I love your use of imagery
and how you played with form.

1200
00:59:33.333 --> 00:59:36.500
All right, uh, let's open it up.
What else did people notice?

1201
00:59:36.583 --> 00:59:37.416
Mara?

1202
00:59:38.625 --> 00:59:45.166
Celeste did a great job of capturing
the emptiness of the character.

1203
00:59:45.666 --> 00:59:47.916
We all know this girl,

1204
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:51.833
and you just wanna go up to her
and say, "You're not the victim."

1205
00:59:51.916 --> 00:59:53.375
"You just suck."

1206
00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:57.333
I see you've met my ex.

1207
00:59:58.208 --> 01:00:00.833
That was inappropriate. Anyone else?

1208
01:00:02.375 --> 01:00:03.458
Theo?

1209
01:00:04.416 --> 01:00:06.625
Um, I thought we had to rhyme.

1210
01:00:07.791 --> 01:00:11.166
You're not supposed to rhyme,
okay? Not every poem is a rhyme.

1211
01:00:11.250 --> 01:00:13.833
If you ever wrote a poem
about me like that, I'd fuckin' kill you.

1212
01:00:13.916 --> 01:00:15.083
Well, you did that already.

1213
01:00:15.166 --> 01:00:17.583
Remember when you sang that song
at open mic night

1214
01:00:17.666 --> 01:00:19.500
at the Delvin Basement?

1215
01:00:19.583 --> 01:00:22.375
I didn't write that.
That was a Brandi Carlile song.

1216
01:00:23.125 --> 01:00:25.083
-Really?
-Yeah, ya dumb bitch.

1217
01:00:25.166 --> 01:00:27.875
See, look, we're finding out about things.

1218
01:00:27.958 --> 01:00:29.166
We're starting to heal.

1219
01:00:29.250 --> 01:00:30.583
Ah!

1220
01:00:30.666 --> 01:00:33.750
Oh no! I'm so sorry, Dr. Schilling.

1221
01:00:33.833 --> 01:00:35.375
It's all good, George.

1222
01:00:35.458 --> 01:00:40.166
Hey, Feekie, that was a great toss,
you fuckin' piece o' shit!

1223
01:00:40.250 --> 01:00:43.125
You're a fucking amateur!

1224
01:00:43.208 --> 01:00:44.791
Oh my God!

1225
01:00:44.875 --> 01:00:46.791
Am I tripping, or is that the same George?

1226
01:00:46.875 --> 01:00:49.041
Oh, that's George.
He keeps getting degrees

1227
01:00:49.125 --> 01:00:51.708
so he can keep playing Frisbee.

1228
01:00:51.791 --> 01:00:54.208
All right, where was I? Right.

1229
01:00:54.291 --> 01:00:56.125
Ah, winter break,

1230
01:00:56.208 --> 01:01:00.000
a gift from the college gods
that comes right when you need it most.

1231
01:01:00.083 --> 01:01:05.000
Devon spent her first few weeks at home
obsessing over Celeste's shitty poem.

1232
01:01:05.083 --> 01:01:08.500
Then Michael slid into her DMs
on New Year's.

1233
01:01:08.583 --> 01:01:10.666
Ooh, Michael!

1234
01:01:10.750 --> 01:01:14.333
As she talked to Michael more and more,
Devon put the focus back on school.

1235
01:01:14.416 --> 01:01:17.208
Maybe this semester wouldn't be
so bad after all.

1236
01:01:19.166 --> 01:01:21.416
Hey, Professor Ziemann, Devon's here.

1237
01:01:21.500 --> 01:01:23.833
Oh! Ms. Weisz.

1238
01:01:23.916 --> 01:01:25.708
-Hi.
-Hi.

1239
01:01:25.791 --> 01:01:29.083
Listen, over the break,
I had dinner with the department head,

1240
01:01:29.166 --> 01:01:32.625
and I showed him your work
on the structural-analysis problem sets,

1241
01:01:32.708 --> 01:01:34.791
and he could not believe
you were a freshman.

1242
01:01:34.875 --> 01:01:36.083
-Really?
-Yeah.

1243
01:01:36.166 --> 01:01:39.000
Have you considered
submitting to WaltonCon?

1244
01:01:39.625 --> 01:01:41.875
-Is that a TED Talk thing?
-Good God, no.

1245
01:01:41.958 --> 01:01:44.000
It's this annual campus-wide competition

1246
01:01:44.083 --> 01:01:46.791
where a student from each major
presents a project

1247
01:01:46.875 --> 01:01:48.625
based around improving campus life.

1248
01:01:48.708 --> 01:01:52.000
-And Michael and I were talking, yes?
-Yes.

1249
01:01:52.083 --> 01:01:55.166
-And we feel you should submit.
-Wow. That's awesome.

1250
01:01:55.250 --> 01:01:57.875
-Yeah, I'll definitely think about it.
-Okay.

1251
01:01:59.666 --> 01:02:01.083
I thought about it.

1252
01:02:01.166 --> 01:02:02.583
Yes, I'm in.

1253
01:02:03.583 --> 01:02:04.583
Great.

1254
01:02:04.666 --> 01:02:06.291
You know, I see myself in you.

1255
01:02:07.375 --> 01:02:10.166
Not in a weird way. Just the regular way.

1256
01:02:19.750 --> 01:02:20.666
Hey.

1257
01:02:21.333 --> 01:02:22.166
Hey.

1258
01:02:23.250 --> 01:02:25.291
What's up? Uh, what are you up to?

1259
01:02:26.416 --> 01:02:27.458
What are you up to?

1260
01:02:28.125 --> 01:02:30.458
I just finished my office hours.

1261
01:02:30.541 --> 01:02:31.958
I was gonna go work out.

1262
01:02:33.250 --> 01:02:34.291
Me too.

1263
01:02:42.666 --> 01:02:46.875
Mrs. Magic to and fro…

1264
01:02:49.708 --> 01:02:53.708
Please give me one last show

1265
01:02:57.041 --> 01:03:01.291
Loosen my mind from within

1266
01:03:03.416 --> 01:03:07.958
Open up my eager eyes

1267
01:03:08.041 --> 01:03:10.458
'Cause I'm Mr. Bright…

1268
01:03:10.541 --> 01:03:13.125
Why'd you stop? Keep singing!

1269
01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:16.000
Don't worry. I'm not gonna post it.

1270
01:03:16.083 --> 01:03:17.166
I think.

1271
01:03:17.666 --> 01:03:20.916
Oh my God, Olivia's been talking
full volume to her boyfriend

1272
01:03:21.000 --> 01:03:22.125
until, like, 4:00 a.m.

1273
01:03:22.208 --> 01:03:24.541
That's unhinged. Like, go somewhere else.

1274
01:03:24.625 --> 01:03:27.375
I know! And this morning,
I'm on Zoom for biology,

1275
01:03:27.458 --> 01:03:31.541
and my entire study group can hear her
and her boyfriend having FaceTime sex.

1276
01:03:31.625 --> 01:03:34.125
2511!

1277
01:03:36.208 --> 01:03:37.458
Hello!

1278
01:03:37.541 --> 01:03:39.875
-Party's arrived!
-Hey, Alex!

1279
01:03:39.958 --> 01:03:41.541
I always wanted to say that.

1280
01:03:41.625 --> 01:03:42.708
-Hi.
-Hi.

1281
01:03:42.791 --> 01:03:43.916
-Hi!
-Hey!

1282
01:03:44.000 --> 01:03:45.500
-Hey.
-What are you doing here?

1283
01:03:45.583 --> 01:03:47.625
-Celeste invited me.
-For the party.

1284
01:03:47.708 --> 01:03:49.333
We thought it'd be a fun surprise.

1285
01:03:50.041 --> 01:03:52.333
So you brought a fit
for Trailer Trash, right?

1286
01:03:52.833 --> 01:03:57.750
Wait, what? I didn't know that we were
supposed to have a… costume.

1287
01:03:57.833 --> 01:03:59.666
-Yeah.
-Okay.

1288
01:03:59.750 --> 01:04:00.833
Adorable, yeah.

1289
01:04:00.916 --> 01:04:02.166
-Pretty good.
-So good.

1290
01:04:02.250 --> 01:04:04.291
-It's really good.
-Can you guess ours?

1291
01:04:04.375 --> 01:04:05.250
Doggy.

1292
01:04:07.125 --> 01:04:08.666
Hillbilly hos?

1293
01:04:08.750 --> 01:04:11.333
-Alex, no.
-No. No. The Simple Life.

1294
01:04:11.416 --> 01:04:14.541
Nicole and Paris. We don't have the wigs
'cause they're 30 bucks.

1295
01:04:14.625 --> 01:04:17.833
'Scuse me.
JWoww would like to start drinking.

1296
01:04:17.916 --> 01:04:20.000
Okay. The Jersey Shore. This one I know.

1297
01:04:21.583 --> 01:04:24.541
I don't need pity. I need a paycheck.

1298
01:04:27.125 --> 01:04:29.666
Have none of you seen Erin Brockovich?

1299
01:04:29.750 --> 01:04:32.250
Go on, do your dance

1300
01:04:32.333 --> 01:04:34.333
Cowboys, yeah, go on, do your dance

1301
01:04:34.416 --> 01:04:36.916
City slicker, yeah
Go on, do your dance

1302
01:04:37.000 --> 01:04:39.166
Everybody in the party, do your dance…

1303
01:04:39.250 --> 01:04:40.541
-Okay.
-Put your left foot in

1304
01:04:40.625 --> 01:04:41.875
-Pull it out, won't ya…
-Oh!

1305
01:04:41.958 --> 01:04:43.583
Stick your right foot in, pull it out…

1306
01:04:43.666 --> 01:04:45.708
Yeah!

1307
01:04:45.791 --> 01:04:47.833
College is so cool.

1308
01:04:48.333 --> 01:04:51.208
There's, like, so many assholes
in high school.

1309
01:04:51.291 --> 01:04:52.791
-You know?
-Tell me their names.

1310
01:04:52.875 --> 01:04:54.250
I'll fuck 'em up.

1311
01:04:54.333 --> 01:04:57.000
-Let's go dance!
-Yeah? Okay. I'm coming.

1312
01:04:57.083 --> 01:04:58.375
My female homey

1313
01:04:58.458 --> 01:05:00.750
She drives a race car and a big truck

1314
01:05:00.833 --> 01:05:04.000
Lift kit big, wheels never get stuck
Skintight jeans…

1315
01:05:04.083 --> 01:05:07.541
Oh my God! He's cute.
You should dance with him.

1316
01:05:07.625 --> 01:05:09.041
-Dance with him!
-No.

1317
01:05:09.125 --> 01:05:10.250
-Yes!
-No.

1318
01:05:10.750 --> 01:05:12.666
Oh, well, look at who it is.

1319
01:05:12.750 --> 01:05:15.041
The lying sisters.

1320
01:05:15.125 --> 01:05:16.791
Y'all never come to practice.

1321
01:05:17.375 --> 01:05:19.500
I bet you thought
I was never gonna say something

1322
01:05:19.583 --> 01:05:21.208
'cause you guys are gorgeous.

1323
01:05:21.291 --> 01:05:23.875
Meanwhile, I'm a bag of Funyuns
with a runner's butt.

1324
01:05:23.958 --> 01:05:26.291
So look at that.
Guess what? Look at the time.

1325
01:05:26.375 --> 01:05:28.416
It's get the fuck out of my house o'clock.

1326
01:05:28.500 --> 01:05:31.416
Whoa, George. George.
It's okay. It's okay. They're with me.

1327
01:05:32.083 --> 01:05:34.208
Oh. Well, sorry. Um…

1328
01:05:35.375 --> 01:05:37.208
I'm gonna do some mushrooms, then.

1329
01:05:37.291 --> 01:05:39.500
-Hey, George.
-Share those with your teammates!

1330
01:05:39.583 --> 01:05:41.375
Saddle up, yee! We on the radio…

1331
01:05:41.458 --> 01:05:43.000
-Hi.
-Hi.

1332
01:05:43.500 --> 01:05:45.083
-You look nice.
-Thank you.

1333
01:05:45.166 --> 01:05:47.291
What are you,
like, a trailer-park lawyer, or…?

1334
01:05:47.375 --> 01:05:49.500
Oh, no. I just got back from a funeral.

1335
01:05:49.583 --> 01:05:51.166
It wasn't a joke.

1336
01:05:51.250 --> 01:05:53.125
I really… I just got back from a funeral.

1337
01:05:53.208 --> 01:05:55.250
Oh God. I'm… I'm sorry.

1338
01:05:55.333 --> 01:05:57.791
It's okay. It was, like, my dad's friend.

1339
01:05:58.291 --> 01:06:00.875
I've been working on my WaltonCon project.

1340
01:06:01.458 --> 01:06:03.625
-Devon, I think you're gonna crush it.
-Thank you.

1341
01:06:03.708 --> 01:06:08.375
When I did mine, uh, I got so nervous,
I just started talking crazy fast,

1342
01:06:08.458 --> 01:06:11.625
and I finished my entire ten-minute
presentation in, like, 45 seconds.

1343
01:06:11.708 --> 01:06:13.250
-What?
-All the girlies say

1344
01:06:13.333 --> 01:06:15.250
I'm pretty fly for a white guy…

1345
01:06:18.000 --> 01:06:21.708
-Are you sure you don't wanna change?
-It's okay. I don't really have a costume.

1346
01:06:21.791 --> 01:06:23.916
Come on.
I'm sure we can figure something out.

1347
01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:25.583
Cinco, cinco, seis

1348
01:06:25.666 --> 01:06:27.291
You know, it's kinda hard just to…

1349
01:06:27.375 --> 01:06:29.791
It's really easy to study,
as you can tell.

1350
01:06:29.875 --> 01:06:32.083
That's why my grades are so good.

1351
01:06:32.166 --> 01:06:34.416
He may not have a clue, and he may not…

1352
01:06:36.333 --> 01:06:37.458
Wow.

1353
01:06:37.541 --> 01:06:40.708
You have very limited choices
for this theme.

1354
01:06:41.208 --> 01:06:42.375
Oh.

1355
01:06:42.458 --> 01:06:43.916
This is trailer trash.

1356
01:06:44.416 --> 01:06:46.958
Stinky's Landscaping? What even is this?

1357
01:06:47.041 --> 01:06:49.625
-That's my favorite shirt.
-I didn't say I didn't like it.

1358
01:06:49.708 --> 01:06:51.625
-I said it's very on theme.
-Okay.

1359
01:06:52.458 --> 01:06:54.541
Do you have any flip-flops?

1360
01:06:55.208 --> 01:06:56.333
Okay.

1361
01:06:56.875 --> 01:06:58.375
What is this?

1362
01:06:58.458 --> 01:07:01.583
That's… that's not just mine.

1363
01:07:02.333 --> 01:07:04.666
We take turns wearing it
at away tournaments.

1364
01:07:04.750 --> 01:07:07.541
It's in your closet,
which means you wear it the most.

1365
01:07:08.375 --> 01:07:09.250
Yeah.

1366
01:07:13.041 --> 01:07:14.250
How do I look?

1367
01:07:14.750 --> 01:07:15.708
Great. Yeah.

1368
01:07:15.791 --> 01:07:16.625
Yeah.

1369
01:07:17.875 --> 01:07:19.708
-It fits perfectly.
-Yeah.

1370
01:07:19.791 --> 01:07:22.416
-Do you ever get hot in this thing?
-Oh, all the time.

1371
01:07:22.500 --> 01:07:23.750
Yeah, extremely.

1372
01:07:23.833 --> 01:07:27.333
But I just dump baby powder in there.
Keeps it fresh.

1373
01:07:28.083 --> 01:07:30.791
-Want me to help with the zipper?
-Yeah, yeah, sure.

1374
01:07:31.333 --> 01:07:33.958
Yeah.

1375
01:07:34.041 --> 01:07:35.458
-Is that okay?
-Yeah.

1376
01:07:35.541 --> 01:07:36.583
All right.

1377
01:07:43.500 --> 01:07:44.458
Put the head on.

1378
01:07:45.541 --> 01:07:46.750
-Yes.
-Okay.

1379
01:07:46.833 --> 01:07:47.791
Thank you.

1380
01:07:47.875 --> 01:07:49.000
Here you go.

1381
01:07:49.500 --> 01:07:52.000
-Oof.
-Yes. Okay, there he is.

1382
01:07:52.083 --> 01:07:53.708
Careful. It's kind of hard to see.

1383
01:07:53.791 --> 01:07:55.291
-Ah!
-Whoa!

1384
01:07:55.375 --> 01:07:57.333
-I'm sorry!
-That's all right. Are you okay?

1385
01:07:57.416 --> 01:07:59.083
-No, I'm fine.
-Okay.

1386
01:07:59.666 --> 01:08:01.291
I'm sorry about that.

1387
01:08:01.375 --> 01:08:04.625
Wow, I didn't realize how cute I must look
while I'm in Wally mode

1388
01:08:04.708 --> 01:08:06.083
'cause you look adorable right now.

1389
01:08:06.166 --> 01:08:07.833
I can't hear you.

1390
01:08:27.791 --> 01:08:29.208
Devon!

1391
01:08:29.291 --> 01:08:30.875
You need to take Alex home.

1392
01:08:30.958 --> 01:08:33.125
-He said he took something.
-What?

1393
01:08:35.541 --> 01:08:36.375
Alex!

1394
01:08:38.125 --> 01:08:39.875
-Are you okay?
-Devon…

1395
01:08:39.958 --> 01:08:42.041
What's going on? What did you take?

1396
01:08:42.666 --> 01:08:46.458
Um… Celeste gave me Molly.

1397
01:08:46.541 --> 01:08:48.500
What the hell?

1398
01:08:48.583 --> 01:08:50.375
No, go ahead. I got him. Yeah.

1399
01:08:51.208 --> 01:08:52.958
That's good. Yeah, get it out.

1400
01:08:53.041 --> 01:08:54.291
Get it out of you.

1401
01:08:55.458 --> 01:08:56.583
Okay.

1402
01:08:57.458 --> 01:09:00.000
Oh, I get it. It's Joe Exotic.

1403
01:09:00.083 --> 01:09:01.958
Hey!

1404
01:09:02.541 --> 01:09:04.000
Did you give my brother Molly?

1405
01:09:04.083 --> 01:09:06.208
-Wait, what?
-He's puking right now!

1406
01:09:06.291 --> 01:09:07.458
Why would you do that?

1407
01:09:07.541 --> 01:09:10.500
-You think I drugged your brother?
-Yeah, I do.

1408
01:09:10.583 --> 01:09:12.875
That's actually so fucked up.

1409
01:09:12.958 --> 01:09:15.041
He said the room was spinning,
so I gave him Dramamine.

1410
01:09:15.125 --> 01:09:16.958
I told him it was Molly so he'd take it.

1411
01:09:17.041 --> 01:09:18.875
Celeste, I think Devon's really stressed.

1412
01:09:18.958 --> 01:09:21.208
-Stay out of it, Amber.
-Okay, Jesus.

1413
01:09:21.291 --> 01:09:24.583
Fuck. Hey, baby, I'm still at the party.

1414
01:09:24.666 --> 01:09:28.166
I don't know. I don't know. Twenty guys?
Why are you mad at me?!

1415
01:09:29.041 --> 01:09:32.708
I hope you know I was down here
babysitting your brother

1416
01:09:32.791 --> 01:09:35.916
while you were doing,
I don't know, whatever the fuck this is.

1417
01:09:36.000 --> 01:09:37.166
That's the second time.

1418
01:09:37.250 --> 01:09:39.625
Second time I've saved one
of your family members.

1419
01:09:39.708 --> 01:09:41.666
Maybe I deserve a fucking thank you.

1420
01:09:44.250 --> 01:09:45.125
Thanks.

1421
01:09:46.291 --> 01:09:47.916
Yeah, whatever.

1422
01:09:54.291 --> 01:09:59.333
There wasn't anything Funyun
about that conversation.

1423
01:10:00.375 --> 01:10:04.750
Okay, did she give the brother Dramamine,
or did she actually drug him?

1424
01:10:04.833 --> 01:10:07.541
-Hot sauce is in the bag.
-Thanks, sexy robot.

1425
01:10:07.625 --> 01:10:09.250
Oh, I'm actually gay.

1426
01:10:09.791 --> 01:10:12.750
Okay, okay, Dr. Schilling, so did Devon
finally request a room change?

1427
01:10:12.833 --> 01:10:14.000
She couldn't.

1428
01:10:14.083 --> 01:10:17.333
She had two nonrefundable tickets
to Panama City.

1429
01:10:17.416 --> 01:10:18.625
-Fuck!
-Oh God.

1430
01:10:18.708 --> 01:10:21.583
Fire

1431
01:10:21.666 --> 01:10:23.208
Set the house on

1432
01:10:25.000 --> 01:10:26.750
I'll set the house on

1433
01:10:27.250 --> 01:10:29.041
Fire

1434
01:10:29.125 --> 01:10:30.500
Set the house on

1435
01:10:33.125 --> 01:10:35.083
I woke up pissed off on a Tuesday

1436
01:10:35.166 --> 01:10:37.083
I said, "Fuck this shit"

1437
01:10:37.166 --> 01:10:40.625
I climbed the roof out of my bed
Don't wanna live like this

1438
01:10:40.708 --> 01:10:42.541
Dead or alive, uh…

1439
01:10:42.625 --> 01:10:44.958
Next up, we got Carter G.

1440
01:10:45.041 --> 01:10:47.875
Carter G will be singing
"drivers license."

1441
01:10:47.958 --> 01:10:49.625
Wow, way to bring the mood down.

1442
01:10:49.708 --> 01:10:52.250
-Carter G. All right, here you go.
-Thank you.

1443
01:10:52.333 --> 01:10:54.208
Carter!

1444
01:10:54.291 --> 01:10:57.541
I got my driver's license
Last week

1445
01:10:57.625 --> 01:11:00.583
Just like we always talked about

1446
01:11:00.666 --> 01:11:04.041
'Cause you were so excited for me…

1447
01:11:04.125 --> 01:11:05.333
Devon!

1448
01:11:06.333 --> 01:11:08.833
That guy's really feeling it.

1449
01:11:09.500 --> 01:11:10.375
Yeah.

1450
01:11:11.625 --> 01:11:13.041
I wanna talk to you.

1451
01:11:14.416 --> 01:11:15.791
-Of course.
-Um…

1452
01:11:21.041 --> 01:11:23.916
That night your brother came to visit,

1453
01:11:24.000 --> 01:11:25.500
he came out to me.

1454
01:11:27.083 --> 01:11:29.583
-What?
-It was actually really cute.

1455
01:11:29.666 --> 01:11:32.500
He was telling me about this guy,

1456
01:11:32.583 --> 01:11:35.500
Peter Kuplowsky,
who he has a huge crush on.

1457
01:11:35.583 --> 01:11:37.750
Wow, yes. Peter, his best friend.

1458
01:11:37.833 --> 01:11:39.166
Yeah, that's what he said.

1459
01:11:41.416 --> 01:11:43.125
Anyway, I just thought you should know.

1460
01:11:45.125 --> 01:11:46.583
Thank you for telling me.

1461
01:11:47.083 --> 01:11:49.791
And I just can't imagine

1462
01:11:49.875 --> 01:11:53.250
How you could be so okay

1463
01:11:53.333 --> 01:11:55.500
Now that I'm gone

1464
01:11:55.583 --> 01:11:57.416
By the way, um…

1465
01:11:57.500 --> 01:12:02.916
you still owe me two grand
for the hotels and the… and the flights.

1466
01:12:03.750 --> 01:12:04.916
I owe your dad,

1467
01:12:05.416 --> 01:12:08.833
which… Obviously,
I don't have it right this second.

1468
01:12:08.916 --> 01:12:10.541
So you know what? Yeah.

1469
01:12:10.625 --> 01:12:14.000
Thank you for making me feel
so good about it.

1470
01:12:14.458 --> 01:12:17.375
-Are you mad at me right now?
-Let's talk about it later.

1471
01:12:17.458 --> 01:12:18.708
I'm gonna get us a drink.

1472
01:12:18.791 --> 01:12:21.208
It is scary how sober I am right now.

1473
01:12:21.291 --> 01:12:23.500
But you have enough money for drinks.

1474
01:12:41.500 --> 01:12:44.000
There are, like, a hundred guys
in the pool here.

1475
01:12:44.500 --> 01:12:48.000
So you seriously want me
to ask them all to get out?

1476
01:12:48.083 --> 01:12:50.750
What are you doing here?
I thought you had job interviews.

1477
01:12:50.833 --> 01:12:53.041
I don't know. I just said, "Fuck it."

1478
01:12:53.125 --> 01:12:54.583
It's my last spring break.

1479
01:12:56.083 --> 01:12:59.875
Oh, plus, I couldn't resist a 14-hour car
ride with the worst driver in the world.

1480
01:12:59.958 --> 01:13:04.083
Oh, shut up, you drama queen.
I only fell asleep twice.

1481
01:13:04.166 --> 01:13:06.958
-I can't let him behind the wheel.
-Sure.

1482
01:13:07.458 --> 01:13:08.916
Are you staying here?

1483
01:13:09.416 --> 01:13:11.625
I don't know.
We'll see where the night takes me.

1484
01:13:11.708 --> 01:13:15.583
Next up to the stage, we have Devon W.

1485
01:13:16.583 --> 01:13:17.916
Devon W.

1486
01:13:18.416 --> 01:13:20.708
Oh shit. Devon, you signed up?

1487
01:13:20.791 --> 01:13:22.291
No. I don't think that's--

1488
01:13:22.375 --> 01:13:25.375
Devon Weisz of Walton U. Devon Weisz.

1489
01:13:25.458 --> 01:13:27.916
-Looks like somebody signed you up.
-Devon Weisz.

1490
01:13:28.000 --> 01:13:30.125
Hey. That person's right here.

1491
01:13:30.208 --> 01:13:32.833
Uh… Guys, stop. No. Stop. No, I said…

1492
01:13:32.916 --> 01:13:34.125
I don't want to!

1493
01:13:34.208 --> 01:13:36.541
No, I'm okay. Guys. Guys!

1494
01:13:43.666 --> 01:13:46.375
Yeah! Give it up for Devon W.
Come on, Devon.

1495
01:13:46.875 --> 01:13:49.625
-I didn't pick this.
-You're up here. Might as well do it.

1496
01:13:49.708 --> 01:13:51.500
No, I don't… I don't even know the song.

1497
01:13:51.583 --> 01:13:53.000
The lyrics are right there, honey.

1498
01:13:53.083 --> 01:13:55.625
Everybody, give this girl
some encouragement. Come on now.

1499
01:14:02.083 --> 01:14:04.708
Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine

1500
01:14:04.791 --> 01:14:08.333
Gotta, gotta be down
Because I want it all

1501
01:14:08.416 --> 01:14:11.458
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?

1502
01:14:11.541 --> 01:14:13.458
It was only a kiss

1503
01:14:13.541 --> 01:14:14.708
It was only a kiss

1504
01:14:14.791 --> 01:14:16.125
Now I'm falling asleep…

1505
01:14:16.208 --> 01:14:18.041
-Come on, Devon!
-And she's calling a cab

1506
01:14:18.125 --> 01:14:20.958
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag

1507
01:14:21.541 --> 01:14:24.583
Going to bed, and my stomach is sick

1508
01:14:24.666 --> 01:14:26.041
And it's all in my head

1509
01:14:26.125 --> 01:14:28.958
But she's touching his chest now

1510
01:14:29.041 --> 01:14:32.083
He takes off her dress now

1511
01:14:32.166 --> 01:14:35.625
-Whoo!
-Let me go

1512
01:14:35.708 --> 01:14:36.916
Yeah!

1513
01:14:37.000 --> 01:14:38.583
Give it some, give it some!

1514
01:14:38.666 --> 01:14:40.666
Isn't that the girl
who kicked you in the titty?

1515
01:14:40.750 --> 01:14:43.333
-I just can't look…
-Still fuckin' hurts.

1516
01:14:43.416 --> 01:14:46.458
It's killing me

1517
01:14:46.541 --> 01:14:48.250
-And taking…
-I love you!

1518
01:14:48.333 --> 01:14:51.250
Control

1519
01:14:53.416 --> 01:14:54.916
Jealousy

1520
01:14:55.000 --> 01:14:58.041
Turning saints into the sea

1521
01:14:58.125 --> 01:15:01.541
Swimming through sick lullabies

1522
01:15:01.625 --> 01:15:04.708
Choking on your alibis

1523
01:15:04.791 --> 01:15:07.666
But it's just The price I pay

1524
01:15:07.750 --> 01:15:10.916
Destiny is calling me

1525
01:15:11.000 --> 01:15:16.208
Open up my eager eyes

1526
01:15:16.291 --> 01:15:19.250
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

1527
01:15:19.333 --> 01:15:21.791
Go, Devon! Go, Devon!

1528
01:15:21.875 --> 01:15:25.000
Go, Devon! Go, Devon!

1529
01:15:25.583 --> 01:15:29.458
Go, Devon! Go, Devon! Go, Devon!

1530
01:15:29.541 --> 01:15:31.791
This is awesome!

1531
01:15:31.875 --> 01:15:36.750
I never

1532
01:15:38.333 --> 01:15:41.250
I never

1533
01:15:41.333 --> 01:15:43.708
Yeah

1534
01:15:44.916 --> 01:15:50.416
I never

1535
01:15:51.208 --> 01:15:53.416
I never

1536
01:16:10.791 --> 01:16:12.250
Devon W!

1537
01:16:35.875 --> 01:16:39.875
Dark weather, new order

1538
01:16:39.958 --> 01:16:43.416
New packet, light smoker

1539
01:16:46.625 --> 01:16:49.875
Help me on my way…

1540
01:16:52.333 --> 01:16:56.333
Bright morning, airplane mode

1541
01:16:56.416 --> 01:17:00.375
High fusion, headache goes…

1542
01:17:03.125 --> 01:17:05.833
You still seem the same…

1543
01:17:25.000 --> 01:17:27.208
-Still broken
-Broken

1544
01:17:27.291 --> 01:17:29.333
Can't think straight…

1545
01:17:29.416 --> 01:17:31.416
-Mind loaded
-Loaded

1546
01:17:31.500 --> 01:17:34.041
-Heart still aches
-Still aches…

1547
01:17:34.625 --> 01:17:35.958
How'd you know I was here?

1548
01:17:36.458 --> 01:17:38.958
I have you on Find My Friends, dummy.

1549
01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:43.916
-Come here.
-Hi.

1550
01:17:44.000 --> 01:17:45.000
It's okay.

1551
01:17:48.500 --> 01:17:49.458
It's okay.

1552
01:17:50.791 --> 01:17:53.708
Aw, I have to say, I love that brother.

1553
01:17:53.791 --> 01:17:56.083
Me too. I literally hate
that my brother's straight.

1554
01:17:56.166 --> 01:17:59.625
I know. My sister's a lesbian,
and, like, that's not as good.

1555
01:18:02.666 --> 01:18:06.125
God! For the rest of my life,
I'll have to look down at that dumb tattoo

1556
01:18:06.208 --> 01:18:07.791
and think of how much I hate her.

1557
01:18:08.291 --> 01:18:10.000
And it cost me 400 bucks.

1558
01:18:10.500 --> 01:18:11.875
Actually, 800

1559
01:18:11.958 --> 01:18:13.875
'cause somehow,
that slut made me pay for hers.

1560
01:18:13.958 --> 01:18:18.041
Yeah, Dad's gonna kill you.
Also, it looks, like, really infected.

1561
01:18:18.125 --> 01:18:19.500
I know it does.

1562
01:18:23.625 --> 01:18:27.750
-I'm gonna go check out.
-Okay. I am gonna wait outside.

1563
01:18:30.333 --> 01:18:31.625
ID, sweetheart.

1564
01:18:32.375 --> 01:18:33.250
Here.

1565
01:18:36.208 --> 01:18:37.458
What's your address?

1566
01:18:38.125 --> 01:18:40.250
126 Crestview Road, Stamford, Connecticut.

1567
01:18:41.750 --> 01:18:42.875
Must be nice.

1568
01:18:43.375 --> 01:18:46.041
My sister married
some rich dude from Stamford.

1569
01:18:46.541 --> 01:18:48.458
Now she thinks her shit don't stink.

1570
01:18:51.541 --> 01:18:53.708
The shitty part of Stamford?

1571
01:18:53.791 --> 01:18:56.166
So shitty she can afford 300 tattoos

1572
01:18:56.250 --> 01:18:58.333
but can't afford
to pay me back for anything.

1573
01:19:03.291 --> 01:19:04.541
You're kidding me.

1574
01:19:04.625 --> 01:19:06.666
Oh, fuck her.

1575
01:19:06.750 --> 01:19:08.750
God, she's such a little liar.

1576
01:19:08.833 --> 01:19:11.791
What is it about me that people think
they don't have to be honest?

1577
01:19:11.875 --> 01:19:15.916
-It's not your fault.
-At a certain point, it feels like it is.

1578
01:19:17.458 --> 01:19:19.958
Middle school,
I thought high school was gonna work out.

1579
01:19:20.041 --> 01:19:22.291
High school,
I thought college was gonna work out.

1580
01:19:22.375 --> 01:19:24.541
It's never gonna work out. Ever.

1581
01:19:24.625 --> 01:19:25.666
I'm gay.

1582
01:19:28.208 --> 01:19:29.250
What?

1583
01:19:30.166 --> 01:19:31.750
No, um… nothing.

1584
01:19:31.833 --> 01:19:35.875
I've just been meaning to tell you
that I'm pretty sure I'm gay.

1585
01:19:38.708 --> 01:19:39.833
Okay.

1586
01:19:40.625 --> 01:19:42.125
Thank you for telling me.

1587
01:19:42.666 --> 01:19:43.500
Yeah.

1588
01:19:44.583 --> 01:19:48.500
Felt good coming out over Taco Bell,
the way you're supposed to do it.

1589
01:19:48.583 --> 01:19:49.583
Mm-hmm.

1590
01:19:50.208 --> 01:19:55.166
I just hope it doesn't, like, change
what you think of me.

1591
01:19:55.250 --> 01:19:56.958
Are you kidding?

1592
01:19:57.458 --> 01:19:58.875
No, I think it's great.

1593
01:20:01.291 --> 01:20:03.458
By the way,
you're back to being my best friend.

1594
01:20:03.541 --> 01:20:05.791
Yeah, they all come crawlin' back.

1595
01:20:05.875 --> 01:20:07.166
Yeah, they do.

1596
01:20:08.208 --> 01:20:10.250
-Love you.
-Love you.

1597
01:20:12.666 --> 01:20:14.666
So what are we gonna do about Celeste?

1598
01:20:14.750 --> 01:20:16.916
Oh, what, you think 'cause I'm a gay guy,

1599
01:20:17.000 --> 01:20:19.166
and all gay guys are
just vengeful bitches,

1600
01:20:19.250 --> 01:20:20.833
that I'm gonna know what to do?

1601
01:20:23.083 --> 01:20:23.958
Well, you're right.

1602
01:20:27.583 --> 01:20:29.750
Heads will roll

1603
01:20:29.833 --> 01:20:31.291
Heads will roll

1604
01:20:31.375 --> 01:20:32.708
Heads will roll

1605
01:20:32.791 --> 01:20:34.750
On the floor

1606
01:20:34.833 --> 01:20:37.208
Off, off with your head

1607
01:20:38.375 --> 01:20:39.791
Dance, dance till you're dead…

1608
01:20:39.875 --> 01:20:43.083
If you tear me and my horse down,

1609
01:20:43.166 --> 01:20:47.250
aren't you showing me the same intolerance
I am being accused of?

1610
01:20:47.833 --> 01:20:50.916
Neigh, don't drag me into this!

1611
01:20:51.000 --> 01:20:52.375
Sh-sh-sh.

1612
01:20:52.458 --> 01:20:56.791
Hey, Confederate statue,
we don't need you on our campus.

1613
01:20:56.875 --> 01:20:58.791
You're so fucking done.

1614
01:21:02.041 --> 01:21:04.375
No!

1615
01:21:04.458 --> 01:21:08.083
-Jesus fucking Christ.
-I finally died!

1616
01:21:14.541 --> 01:21:17.583
Very nice.
Very nice dramatic, over-the-top work.

1617
01:21:17.666 --> 01:21:21.958
I will say, for what it's worth,
that statue is not of a Confederate.

1618
01:21:22.041 --> 01:21:24.666
He was this school's first lacrosse coach.

1619
01:21:25.958 --> 01:21:28.375
And he just… he had a horse.

1620
01:21:28.458 --> 01:21:32.125
-Anyway, it is my honor…
-Good luck, Devon.

1621
01:21:32.208 --> 01:21:36.041
-Uh… try not to talk too fast.
-I'm good. Thank you.

1622
01:21:36.125 --> 01:21:39.458
…to hear her ideas.
Hands together for Devon Weisz.

1623
01:21:46.833 --> 01:21:47.750
Whoo!

1624
01:21:47.833 --> 01:21:49.958
-That was so good. So good.
-Good job.

1625
01:21:50.041 --> 01:21:51.708
Thank you, Professor Ziemann.

1626
01:21:51.791 --> 01:21:54.625
This competition is all about
helping students solve problems

1627
01:21:54.708 --> 01:21:56.125
in their daily lives.

1628
01:21:56.208 --> 01:21:59.375
When I think about the hardest problem
first-year students face,

1629
01:21:59.458 --> 01:22:01.666
it isn't dealing
with a demanding course load

1630
01:22:01.750 --> 01:22:04.208
or balancing our work and social lives.

1631
01:22:04.291 --> 01:22:06.833
It's trying to coexist
with your shitty-ass roommate.

1632
01:22:09.416 --> 01:22:11.750
But I think structural design
can help with that.

1633
01:22:15.000 --> 01:22:18.458
Now, a standard double dorm
is 170 square feet.

1634
01:22:18.541 --> 01:22:19.541
Not too big.

1635
01:22:19.625 --> 01:22:21.000
And it can feel even smaller

1636
01:22:21.083 --> 01:22:23.625
when you're sharing the room
with a total sociopath.

1637
01:22:26.666 --> 01:22:28.458
This is my roommate, Celeste.

1638
01:22:28.958 --> 01:22:31.958
Oh, should I have not used her real name?
I'm sorry.

1639
01:22:32.041 --> 01:22:34.958
I'm off my meds,
so I'm just not thinking straight.

1640
01:22:37.416 --> 01:22:38.708
And this doll is me.

1641
01:22:38.791 --> 01:22:41.666
If this doll seems traumatized,
it's 'cause I am.

1642
01:22:46.333 --> 01:22:49.500
Now, Walton's dorms feature
side-by-side closets,

1643
01:22:49.583 --> 01:22:51.000
which aren't very private.

1644
01:22:51.083 --> 01:22:54.541
"Ooh, look at all
these clothes that don't belong to me."

1645
01:22:54.625 --> 01:22:57.375
"Ooh, I can't wait to wear them
without asking."

1646
01:22:57.458 --> 01:22:59.625
Shout-out to my brother, Alex,

1647
01:22:59.708 --> 01:23:02.583
in the tech booth
providing the voice of Celeste.

1648
01:23:03.375 --> 01:23:05.958
So, by raising the closet,

1649
01:23:06.041 --> 01:23:09.625
it becomes a little harder
for this sticky-finger klepto to reach.

1650
01:23:09.708 --> 01:23:11.791
"Ooh, ooh, I can't reach."

1651
01:23:11.875 --> 01:23:14.291
"I just wanna wear
your bras and underwear."

1652
01:23:16.958 --> 01:23:21.375
Next up, let's look at the typical layout
of the beds.

1653
01:23:21.458 --> 01:23:25.625
Who here has come home to find
your roommate eating food in your bed?

1654
01:23:26.208 --> 01:23:27.125
Yeah.

1655
01:23:27.625 --> 01:23:29.125
One time, I came home,

1656
01:23:29.208 --> 01:23:33.750
and I found my roommate
getting eaten out on my bed.

1657
01:23:37.291 --> 01:23:39.000
Ahh!

1658
01:23:40.166 --> 01:23:41.625
Wait, you hooked up in her bed?

1659
01:23:41.708 --> 01:23:46.250
Anyways, by installing Murphy beds,
we increase the livable space,

1660
01:23:46.333 --> 01:23:51.666
and it becomes a lot harder for Celeste
to run train on a short king

1661
01:23:51.750 --> 01:23:53.375
while I'm writing her papers.

1662
01:23:53.458 --> 01:23:55.125
"Oh, wah."

1663
01:23:55.208 --> 01:23:57.541
"Oh, can you taste the kombucha?"

1664
01:23:59.916 --> 01:24:02.333
Why is that Celeste doll literally me?

1665
01:24:02.416 --> 01:24:05.375
So far, this design only benefits me.

1666
01:24:05.458 --> 01:24:07.958
So, I asked myself,

1667
01:24:08.041 --> 01:24:09.791
"What does Celeste need?"

1668
01:24:11.041 --> 01:24:12.083
It's hard

1669
01:24:12.166 --> 01:24:16.625
because she had humble beginnings
growing up in this house.

1670
01:24:19.500 --> 01:24:22.000
What the fuck?

1671
01:24:22.083 --> 01:24:23.500
So here it is.

1672
01:24:24.000 --> 01:24:26.833
This is a soundproof partition wall.

1673
01:24:26.916 --> 01:24:31.833
So now I don't have to hear any more lies
about Celeste's dad being a janitor

1674
01:24:31.916 --> 01:24:35.541
when he's actually the CEO of Staples.

1675
01:24:35.625 --> 01:24:38.000
Oh my God, dude.

1676
01:24:38.500 --> 01:24:40.583
Staples? The restaurant?

1677
01:24:41.083 --> 01:24:43.500
You're telling me
she's a fuckin' nepo baby?

1678
01:24:43.583 --> 01:24:44.916
-Boo!
-Yeah.

1679
01:24:45.000 --> 01:24:46.541
Oh, and one more thing.

1680
01:24:47.041 --> 01:24:48.458
Just for Celeste's side.

1681
01:24:48.541 --> 01:24:50.708
Twinkly lights with Polaroids.

1682
01:24:51.583 --> 01:24:53.416
Aww.

1683
01:24:53.500 --> 01:24:55.791
-Like our room. She must've got it from…
-Yeah.

1684
01:24:55.875 --> 01:24:58.708
Thank you for listening. Go, architecture.

1685
01:25:09.666 --> 01:25:14.458
By the way, maybe TAs shouldn't use
a class contact sheet as a dating service.

1686
01:25:15.291 --> 01:25:17.500
Jaime

1687
01:25:17.583 --> 01:25:23.583
You've been patiently waiting
To hate me

1688
01:25:24.083 --> 01:25:25.083
And you and your…

1689
01:25:25.166 --> 01:25:26.375
Devon!

1690
01:25:26.458 --> 01:25:28.791
That was insane,
but, like, in a good way, of course.

1691
01:25:28.875 --> 01:25:30.000
Thanks.

1692
01:25:30.500 --> 01:25:32.500
Where did you get that tiny furniture?

1693
01:25:32.583 --> 01:25:34.958
-I made it with my brother.
-Whoa.

1694
01:25:35.041 --> 01:25:37.416
Oh, are you gonna be okay in there?

1695
01:25:37.916 --> 01:25:40.416
Yeah. I'll see you guys later.

1696
01:25:40.500 --> 01:25:43.250
Jaime

1697
01:25:43.333 --> 01:25:49.125
The clothes that you gave me
Don't fit me

1698
01:25:49.208 --> 01:25:54.166
But you squeeze me until I could crack

1699
01:25:54.250 --> 01:25:55.708
Uh-huh

1700
01:25:57.416 --> 01:25:59.375
Uh-huh

1701
01:26:03.166 --> 01:26:06.541
You've turned my soul

1702
01:26:06.625 --> 01:26:10.333
Into your home

1703
01:26:15.000 --> 01:26:16.916
Ah-ah

1704
01:26:17.583 --> 01:26:20.041
Can't you leave me alone?

1705
01:26:53.250 --> 01:26:55.375
Dude, I called you, like, 15 times.

1706
01:26:56.041 --> 01:26:57.166
What's going on?

1707
01:27:01.708 --> 01:27:03.541
I'm confused. Did you do that?

1708
01:27:03.625 --> 01:27:07.166
No, dude.
Ca… can you just come home, please?

1709
01:27:08.375 --> 01:27:12.625
I have my final this afternoon,
but I'll pack up and go home right after.

1710
01:27:12.708 --> 01:27:14.000
I'm so sorry, Alex.

1711
01:27:14.500 --> 01:27:16.875
I wasn't there yet.

1712
01:27:20.125 --> 01:27:22.125
Stress and strain.

1713
01:27:22.208 --> 01:27:25.458
Stress is internal force per unit area.

1714
01:27:25.541 --> 01:27:30.500
I don't understand.
Like, she never even tried to talk to me.

1715
01:27:30.583 --> 01:27:33.583
Instead, she… made this presentation

1716
01:27:33.666 --> 01:27:37.083
about what a shitty roommate I am
to the entire school.

1717
01:27:37.166 --> 01:27:38.458
It was so humiliating.

1718
01:27:38.541 --> 01:27:41.708
Uh-huh, yeah, I can understand
how that could be challenging, but--

1719
01:27:41.791 --> 01:27:45.500
You know, all because
she had a crush on a guy who liked me.

1720
01:27:45.583 --> 01:27:47.333
Like, it's not my fault.

1721
01:27:47.916 --> 01:27:49.125
Aw.

1722
01:27:49.625 --> 01:27:52.250
Aw, come here, come here.

1723
01:27:53.291 --> 01:27:54.708
What the hell?

1724
01:27:54.791 --> 01:27:55.791
Devon, hey…

1725
01:27:55.875 --> 01:28:00.083
-Um, this is a temporary solution.
-Are you staying here?!

1726
01:28:00.166 --> 01:28:02.583
It's okay. I got this.

1727
01:28:06.375 --> 01:28:07.541
What's up, Devon?

1728
01:28:07.625 --> 01:28:09.708
Did you go
to my brother's school this morning?

1729
01:28:09.791 --> 01:28:12.583
I'm sorry, what are you trying
to accuse me of now?

1730
01:28:16.125 --> 01:28:17.333
Show me your bag.

1731
01:28:23.208 --> 01:28:24.291
Oh n… Uh…

1732
01:28:24.375 --> 01:28:25.750
All right, um…

1733
01:28:39.833 --> 01:28:41.833
Did you actually take my mom's bowls?

1734
01:28:41.916 --> 01:28:45.708
Oh my God, Devon. Why are you obsessed
with these ugly-ass bowls?

1735
01:28:45.791 --> 01:28:46.750
Your mom is not good.

1736
01:28:46.833 --> 01:28:50.041
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, ladies,
let's take a deep breath, okay?

1737
01:28:50.125 --> 01:28:52.375
-Let's de-escalate.
-Hey, stop coming for my family!

1738
01:28:52.458 --> 01:28:53.833
-Okay.
-You need help.

1739
01:28:53.916 --> 01:28:56.375
Maybe tell your rich dad
to get you a new therapist.

1740
01:28:56.458 --> 01:28:58.666
-Hmm?!
-No! De-escalate.

1741
01:28:58.750 --> 01:29:00.500
Let's go.

1742
01:29:00.958 --> 01:29:02.250
You… are…

1743
01:29:03.083 --> 01:29:05.208
so… spoiled!

1744
01:29:06.291 --> 01:29:10.666
You live in a 20-million-dollar house!
I saw the Zillow! It has an elevator!

1745
01:29:10.750 --> 01:29:12.041
Okay. Good job.

1746
01:29:12.125 --> 01:29:13.875
All right, you're all making great points,

1747
01:29:13.958 --> 01:29:16.125
but the bowl throwing
is fuckin' dangerous,

1748
01:29:16.208 --> 01:29:18.458
and I think I got some shrapnel in my eye.

1749
01:29:18.541 --> 01:29:20.583
I can't believe we used to be friends.

1750
01:29:20.666 --> 01:29:21.750
Friends?

1751
01:29:21.833 --> 01:29:24.083
You made out with the guy I liked!

1752
01:29:26.708 --> 01:29:28.750
You think we just made out?

1753
01:29:29.875 --> 01:29:32.125
No, um, I fucked him.

1754
01:29:32.208 --> 01:29:34.875
Yeah, no, I… I fucked him on spring break.

1755
01:29:34.958 --> 01:29:37.250
I fucked him on winter break.

1756
01:29:37.333 --> 01:29:41.083
When you showed up in his little office
to ask him to hang out with you?

1757
01:29:41.166 --> 01:29:46.375
Yeah, I was under the desk
because we had just fucked.

1758
01:29:47.583 --> 01:29:48.625
So…

1759
01:29:48.708 --> 01:29:49.750
You're disgusting.

1760
01:29:49.833 --> 01:29:52.208
Oh, hey, let's not slut-shame anyone.

1761
01:29:52.291 --> 01:29:54.500
He didn't like you. Just get over it.

1762
01:29:55.000 --> 01:29:56.083
You give off

1763
01:29:56.708 --> 01:29:58.208
kid-sister vibes.

1764
01:30:02.083 --> 01:30:04.958
Hey! You don't have
a license to operate that!

1765
01:30:05.041 --> 01:30:06.166
No, no, no, no!

1766
01:30:07.333 --> 01:30:08.708
Everybody, chill.

1767
01:30:13.500 --> 01:30:15.083
My posters!

1768
01:30:15.166 --> 01:30:17.166
You're the firefighter, right?
You put it out.

1769
01:30:17.250 --> 01:30:19.041
-Uh, lots of big feelings.
-What the fuck?

1770
01:30:19.125 --> 01:30:22.541
Hey. God dammit!
I gotta put this shit out.

1771
01:30:29.916 --> 01:30:31.666
We have to get outta here!

1772
01:30:35.208 --> 01:30:37.208
Fire! Guys, come on, let's go!

1773
01:30:37.291 --> 01:30:39.625
There's a fucking fire!

1774
01:30:39.708 --> 01:30:40.583
God!

1775
01:30:41.791 --> 01:30:42.958
This is mine!

1776
01:30:43.041 --> 01:30:45.458
-So?
-Come on, come on!

1777
01:30:45.541 --> 01:30:48.083
Hey, Devon! Devon, let's talk.

1778
01:30:48.166 --> 01:30:50.833
-Okay! You wanna talk, let's talk!
-Yes.

1779
01:30:50.916 --> 01:30:52.666
Why'd you lie about being poor?

1780
01:30:52.750 --> 01:30:55.625
'Cause when you're rich,
people think your life is good.

1781
01:30:55.708 --> 01:30:59.375
And my life, my life is not good.
My mom has Alzheimer's,

1782
01:30:59.458 --> 01:31:02.291
and my dad divorced her and married
a girl two years older than me.

1783
01:31:02.375 --> 01:31:04.916
And you have been rubbing

1784
01:31:05.000 --> 01:31:09.708
your perfect fucking family
in my face all year!

1785
01:31:09.791 --> 01:31:13.250
Well, you could've told me that,
and I would've been there for you

1786
01:31:13.333 --> 01:31:16.916
because that's what friends do,
you fucking psychopath!

1787
01:31:18.375 --> 01:31:21.125
You guys, stop it! We need to evacuate.

1788
01:31:21.208 --> 01:31:23.083
Shut the fuck up, Olivia!

1789
01:31:23.166 --> 01:31:25.500
-What did I do?
-You don't know how to read the room!

1790
01:31:25.583 --> 01:31:27.208
Okay, well, there's a fire!

1791
01:31:27.708 --> 01:31:30.000
Oh, yeah,
you gotta get your cute little stuffy.

1792
01:31:30.083 --> 01:31:31.708
I wanna rip its fucking head off!

1793
01:31:31.791 --> 01:31:32.666
Stop!

1794
01:31:32.750 --> 01:31:33.916
Give it to me!

1795
01:31:35.166 --> 01:31:36.500
Give it to me!

1796
01:31:39.458 --> 01:31:41.583
Give me my fucking sloth!

1797
01:31:44.125 --> 01:31:48.583
And I'm sorry to say,
but that is how Devon killed Celeste.

1798
01:31:48.666 --> 01:31:49.666
-What?!
-No!

1799
01:31:49.750 --> 01:31:53.625
I'm kidding,
but Devon did burn the dorm down.

1800
01:31:58.500 --> 01:32:01.041
Careful. Are you okay? It's not too tight?

1801
01:32:05.166 --> 01:32:08.083
Whoa, whoa. Who is this guy?
Why is he touching you?

1802
01:32:08.166 --> 01:32:09.375
He's a firefighter!

1803
01:32:09.458 --> 01:32:12.875
Okay, I'm begging you guys to break up.
Like, right now. Break up right now.

1804
01:32:12.958 --> 01:32:16.375
She outed my son very publicly
at his high school.

1805
01:32:16.458 --> 01:32:20.000
We always knew he was probably gay,
but it wasn't her place to do that.

1806
01:32:20.083 --> 01:32:22.250
Also, she owes me $2,000.

1807
01:32:22.333 --> 01:32:24.291
Which is not important right now, Brian.

1808
01:32:24.375 --> 01:32:27.125
$2,000.
I would like that to be on the record.

1809
01:32:28.416 --> 01:32:31.666
It's not my thing, they were…

1810
01:32:31.750 --> 01:32:33.791
Did you… You didn't…
Don't answer any questions.

1811
01:32:33.875 --> 01:32:35.750
But she didn't do anything.
The bottom line…

1812
01:32:35.833 --> 01:32:39.250
-Don't say anything.
-My daughter's innocent.

1813
01:32:39.333 --> 01:32:41.791
I'd like to hear…

1814
01:32:41.875 --> 01:32:44.083
What you think

1815
01:32:44.166 --> 01:32:49.250
We passed a house, driving fast

1816
01:32:49.333 --> 01:32:52.916
The sun was shining on…

1817
01:32:53.000 --> 01:32:54.625
It's like USC all over again.

1818
01:32:54.708 --> 01:32:57.083
-Sir, you can't park here.
-I'm good, I'm good.

1819
01:32:57.166 --> 01:32:59.958
Celeste! I'm sorry we're late, baby.

1820
01:33:00.041 --> 01:33:02.041
It took forever
to get the lawyers on the line.

1821
01:33:02.125 --> 01:33:04.500
We're so glad you're okay.

1822
01:33:05.333 --> 01:33:06.625
Thanks, Katie.

1823
01:33:06.708 --> 01:33:09.125
John, he's still hungry.

1824
01:33:09.208 --> 01:33:11.916
-Can I go feed him in the car?
-Yeah, yeah, go do your thing.

1825
01:33:13.250 --> 01:33:14.500
Did you tell Mom?

1826
01:33:15.083 --> 01:33:18.166
Uh… no. Why?

1827
01:33:22.041 --> 01:33:24.208
What school would you like to go to next?

1828
01:33:24.291 --> 01:33:25.791
This one burned down.

1829
01:33:25.875 --> 01:33:29.375
I don't need to go to another school.
I need fucking rehab.

1830
01:33:29.458 --> 01:33:30.958
I have PTSD.

1831
01:33:31.541 --> 01:33:33.583
You got a fucking venereal disease?

1832
01:33:36.166 --> 01:33:37.500
Wow.

1833
01:33:37.583 --> 01:33:39.916
Yeah, that was really intense.

1834
01:33:40.000 --> 01:33:41.958
And that, my friends,

1835
01:33:42.041 --> 01:33:45.166
is the power of good storytelling.

1836
01:33:45.250 --> 01:33:48.500
Now, everybody get the hell outta here.

1837
01:33:49.083 --> 01:33:50.000
That's it?

1838
01:33:51.625 --> 01:33:52.791
That's it.

1839
01:33:53.916 --> 01:33:54.916
Okay.

1840
01:33:58.208 --> 01:33:59.208
Hey.

1841
01:34:00.041 --> 01:34:02.416
I'm sorry for saying
you smell like an Italian sub.

1842
01:34:02.500 --> 01:34:06.333
I'm sorry for filming you sleeping.

1843
01:34:06.416 --> 01:34:07.458
Thanks.

1844
01:34:08.708 --> 01:34:10.833
-I miss us liking each other.
-Yeah.

1845
01:34:13.166 --> 01:34:16.041
Bye, Melissa.

1846
01:34:16.125 --> 01:34:17.375
So cute.

1847
01:34:19.666 --> 01:34:21.666
Thank you, Dr. Schilling.

1848
01:34:22.291 --> 01:34:24.750
-This was great.
-Very healing.

1849
01:34:24.833 --> 01:34:26.750
So glad it helped.

1850
01:34:26.833 --> 01:34:29.666
Um, whatever happened to Celeste?

1851
01:34:29.750 --> 01:34:31.250
Well,

1852
01:34:31.333 --> 01:34:35.166
Celeste ended up
getting kicked out of two more schools,

1853
01:34:35.250 --> 01:34:37.625
so her dad finally
cut her off financially.

1854
01:34:37.708 --> 01:34:38.791
And now…

1855
01:34:41.500 --> 01:34:43.708
That's hilarious.

1856
01:34:46.208 --> 01:34:48.666
Oh my God, that's you?

1857
01:34:48.750 --> 01:34:50.750
You work at Staples?

1858
01:34:51.250 --> 01:34:54.250
Now, that's hilarious!

1859
01:34:54.333 --> 01:34:55.875
Oh man!

1860
01:34:55.958 --> 01:34:58.625
You work at Staples!

1861
01:34:58.708 --> 01:35:01.166
You work at Staples!

1862
01:35:01.250 --> 01:35:03.333
-You work at Staples!
-Shut the fuck up!

1863
01:35:04.208 --> 01:35:05.708
Karma's a bitch!

1864
01:35:05.791 --> 01:35:09.166
I just wish the end of that story
wasn't such a bummer for Devon.

1865
01:35:09.250 --> 01:35:10.833
Oh my God, I know.

1866
01:35:10.916 --> 01:35:12.208
Fuckin' sucks.

1867
01:35:12.791 --> 01:35:14.458
What happened to her, anyway?

1868
01:35:16.041 --> 01:35:17.875
She's got a new roommate.

1869
01:35:32.416 --> 01:35:34.791
Okay, Weisz. This is you.

1870
01:35:39.708 --> 01:35:42.041
Enjoy your home for the next two months.

1871
01:35:45.125 --> 01:35:47.375
Mm. Nice.

1872
01:35:48.083 --> 01:35:49.166
Fresh meat.

1873
01:35:50.625 --> 01:35:51.958
What's your name?

1874
01:35:52.708 --> 01:35:53.708
Chuck.

1875
01:35:54.208 --> 01:35:58.875
'Cause I grind motherfuckers like you
into prime-grade beef.

1876
01:35:59.458 --> 01:36:01.083
Yeah, okay.

1877
01:36:01.166 --> 01:36:03.208
Let me go over a few things with you.

1878
01:36:04.166 --> 01:36:07.333
One, don't touch my stuff.

1879
01:36:08.125 --> 01:36:10.791
Two, don't wear my clothes.

1880
01:36:10.875 --> 01:36:14.416
Three, don't have sex in my bed.

1881
01:36:15.000 --> 01:36:16.500
You follow these three rules,

1882
01:36:17.166 --> 01:36:20.708
I won't light you on fire
when you're sleeping.

1883
01:36:22.750 --> 01:36:24.375
I was just kidding.

1884
01:36:24.458 --> 01:36:26.000
Dang!

1885
01:36:26.083 --> 01:36:27.333
It's all good, baby.

1886
01:36:27.416 --> 01:36:28.416
Relax.

1887
01:36:29.125 --> 01:36:31.166
So I'm Louise.

1888
01:36:31.666 --> 01:36:33.083
Welcome to the pen.

1889
01:36:33.166 --> 01:36:36.583
Okay, I have a little cooler over here.
I got refreshments in there.

1890
01:36:36.666 --> 01:36:38.375
Would you like some LaCroix?

1891
01:36:38.458 --> 01:36:41.791
-No, no. I'm good, thank you.
-Okay, of course, of course.

1892
01:36:41.875 --> 01:36:43.291
You got a family?

1893
01:36:43.375 --> 01:36:44.625
I have a brother.

1894
01:36:44.708 --> 01:36:46.208
He actually just came out.

1895
01:36:46.291 --> 01:36:47.500
Of prison?

1896
01:36:47.583 --> 01:36:48.958
Out of the closet.

1897
01:36:50.833 --> 01:36:51.666
Well, damn!

1898
01:36:51.750 --> 01:36:54.958
That must be, like,
a very huge weight off his shoulders.

1899
01:36:55.041 --> 01:36:56.916
Yeah, I think it is.

1900
01:36:57.000 --> 01:36:58.583
Okay. Where y'all from?

1901
01:36:58.666 --> 01:37:00.875
-Montclair, New Jersey.
-Montclair?

1902
01:37:00.958 --> 01:37:03.708
Girl, I robbed four jewelry stores
in Montclair.

1903
01:37:03.791 --> 01:37:05.916
-No, that was you?
-That was me!

1904
01:37:06.000 --> 01:37:07.458
-Oh my God!
-You heard of me?

1905
01:37:07.541 --> 01:37:08.791
Yes, I've heard of you!

1906
01:37:08.875 --> 01:37:10.708
Okay, I feel famous. Oh my God.

1907
01:37:10.791 --> 01:37:13.375
-Okay, this is why I'm going…
-Girl, girl, girl, girl…

1908
01:37:13.458 --> 01:37:16.333
-Holy shit! They like each other?
-What the fuck?

1909
01:37:16.416 --> 01:37:18.333
Yeah, it's really sweet, actually.

1910
01:37:18.416 --> 01:37:20.166
Okay, what happened to everybody else?

1911
01:37:20.250 --> 01:37:22.958
Oh, you thirsty bitches wanna know
everyone's endings?

1912
01:37:23.041 --> 01:37:24.666
-Yes!
-Duh!

1913
01:37:24.750 --> 01:37:26.083
All right, here you go.

1914
01:37:26.166 --> 01:37:28.208
Yeah, I don't know if you like me

1915
01:37:28.291 --> 01:37:30.208
Sometimes I think you might hate me

1916
01:37:30.291 --> 01:37:32.166
Sometimes I think I might hate you

1917
01:37:32.250 --> 01:37:34.041
Maybe you just wanna be me

1918
01:37:34.125 --> 01:37:35.958
You always say, "Let's go out"

1919
01:37:36.041 --> 01:37:37.916
So we go eat at a restaurant

1920
01:37:38.000 --> 01:37:39.958
Sometimes it feels a bit awkward

1921
01:37:40.041 --> 01:37:41.708
'Cause we don't have much in common

1922
01:37:41.791 --> 01:37:43.541
People say we're alike

1923
01:37:43.625 --> 01:37:45.541
They say we've got the same hair

1924
01:37:45.625 --> 01:37:47.416
We talk about making music

1925
01:37:47.500 --> 01:37:49.291
But I don't know if it's honest

1926
01:37:49.375 --> 01:37:51.375
Can't tell if you wanna see me

1927
01:37:51.458 --> 01:37:53.125
Falling over and failing

1928
01:37:53.208 --> 01:37:55.125
And you can't tell what you're feeling

1929
01:37:55.208 --> 01:37:56.791
I think I know how you feel

1930
01:37:56.875 --> 01:37:58.083
Girl

1931
01:37:58.958 --> 01:38:01.833
It's so confusing sometimes
To be a girl

1932
01:38:01.916 --> 01:38:04.166
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1933
01:38:04.250 --> 01:38:05.291
Girl

1934
01:38:06.583 --> 01:38:09.583
It's so confusing sometimes
To be a girl

1935
01:38:09.666 --> 01:38:12.083
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1936
01:38:12.166 --> 01:38:13.375
Girl

1937
01:38:14.291 --> 01:38:16.125
How do you feel being a

1938
01:38:16.208 --> 01:38:17.041
Girl?

1939
01:38:17.125 --> 01:38:18.250
Girl, girl

1940
01:38:18.333 --> 01:38:19.875
How do you feel being a

1941
01:38:19.958 --> 01:38:20.791
Girl?

1942
01:38:20.875 --> 01:38:22.000
Girl, girl, girl

1943
01:38:22.083 --> 01:38:23.791
Man, I don't know, I'm just a

1944
01:38:23.875 --> 01:38:24.833
Girl

1945
01:38:24.916 --> 01:38:27.458
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1946
01:38:27.541 --> 01:38:29.708
You're all about writing poems

1947
01:38:29.791 --> 01:38:31.666
But I'm about throwing parties

1948
01:38:31.750 --> 01:38:33.458
Think you should come to my party

1949
01:38:33.541 --> 01:38:35.416
And put your hands up

1950
01:38:35.500 --> 01:38:37.250
I think we're totally different

1951
01:38:37.333 --> 01:38:39.125
But opposites do attract

1952
01:38:39.208 --> 01:38:41.333
Maybe we're so meant to be

1953
01:38:41.416 --> 01:38:42.916
Just you and me

1954
01:38:43.000 --> 01:38:44.875
'Cause people say we're alike

1955
01:38:44.958 --> 01:38:46.875
They say we've got the same hair

1956
01:38:46.958 --> 01:38:48.875
One day we might make some music

1957
01:38:48.958 --> 01:38:50.791
The Internet would go crazy

1958
01:38:50.875 --> 01:38:52.666
But you might still wanna see me

1959
01:38:52.750 --> 01:38:54.625
Falling over and failing

1960
01:38:54.708 --> 01:38:58.166
At least we're closer to being
On the same page

1961
01:38:58.250 --> 01:38:59.458
Girl

1962
01:39:00.500 --> 01:39:03.166
It's so confusing sometimes
To be a girl

1963
01:39:03.250 --> 01:39:05.750
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1964
01:39:05.833 --> 01:39:06.875
Girl

1965
01:39:08.250 --> 01:39:10.916
It's so confusing sometimes
To be a girl

1966
01:39:11.000 --> 01:39:13.500
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1967
01:39:13.583 --> 01:39:14.750
Girl

1968
01:39:15.666 --> 01:39:18.500
It's so confusing sometimes
To be a girl

1969
01:39:18.583 --> 01:39:20.875
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1970
01:39:20.958 --> 01:39:22.333
Girl

1971
01:39:23.458 --> 01:39:25.500
How do you feel being a

1972
01:39:25.583 --> 01:39:27.375
Girl? Girl, girl, girl

1973
01:39:27.458 --> 01:39:29.291
How do you feel being a

1974
01:39:29.375 --> 01:39:30.875
Girl? Girl, girl, girl

1975
01:39:30.958 --> 01:39:32.958
Man, I don't know, I'm just a

1976
01:39:33.041 --> 01:39:33.875
Girl

1977
01:39:33.958 --> 01:39:37.250
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1978
01:39:41.708 --> 01:39:44.000
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1979
01:39:49.458 --> 01:39:51.708
Girl, girl, girl, girl

1980
01:40:10.083 --> 01:40:12.916
Standin' all alone now

1981
01:40:13.791 --> 01:40:16.583
Wish that I could drown you out

1982
01:40:17.083 --> 01:40:19.666
I wanna be better

1983
01:40:20.833 --> 01:40:23.916
But I can't think of how

1984
01:40:24.000 --> 01:40:26.958
I'm lookin' at faces

1985
01:40:27.583 --> 01:40:30.875
I see people pace around

1986
01:40:30.958 --> 01:40:33.708
I wanna get closer

1987
01:40:34.291 --> 01:40:37.791
But I'm busy stayin' on the ground

1988
01:40:38.291 --> 01:40:41.375
Comin' back to you

1989
01:40:41.875 --> 01:40:45.000
Back to you

1990
01:40:46.041 --> 01:40:48.333
Somehow

1991
01:40:48.875 --> 01:40:53.666
Comin' back to you

1992
01:40:53.750 --> 01:40:56.500
Back to you

1993
01:40:56.583 --> 01:40:59.041
Somehow

1994
01:41:02.625 --> 01:41:06.000
'Cause you are built complete

1995
01:41:06.083 --> 01:41:09.500
You're the entirety

1996
01:41:09.583 --> 01:41:13.000
I wish that you'd talk to me

1997
01:41:13.083 --> 01:41:16.583
I wish that you'd walk with me

1998
01:41:16.666 --> 01:41:20.208
'Cause you are built complete

1999
01:41:20.291 --> 01:41:23.666
You're the entirety

2000
01:41:23.750 --> 01:41:26.916
I'm just here following

2001
01:41:27.000 --> 01:41:30.291
I wish that you'd follow me

2002
01:41:30.375 --> 01:41:32.125
Ooh

2003
01:41:32.208 --> 01:41:34.500
Ooh, ooh

2004
01:41:34.583 --> 01:41:37.375
-Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
-Ooh, ooh

2005
01:41:37.458 --> 01:41:39.125
-Ooh
-Oh-oh, oh-oh

2006
01:41:39.208 --> 01:41:41.000
-Ooh
-Oh-oh

2007
01:41:41.083 --> 01:41:42.791
-Ooh
-Oh-oh, oh-oh

2008
01:41:42.875 --> 01:41:44.458
-Ooh
-Oh-oh

2009
01:41:44.541 --> 01:41:46.166
-Ooh
-Oh-oh, oh-oh

2010
01:41:46.250 --> 01:41:47.875
I knew

2011
01:41:49.583 --> 01:41:51.583
The truth

2012
01:41:53.208 --> 01:41:54.958
With you

2013
01:41:56.750 --> 01:41:58.708
I do

2014
01:41:58.791 --> 01:42:00.166
Oh

2015
01:42:00.250 --> 01:42:01.916
I knew

2016
01:42:02.000 --> 01:42:05.375
-Ooh
-'Cause you are built complete

2017
01:42:05.458 --> 01:42:09.125
-Oh-oh, oh-oh
-You're the entirety

2018
01:42:09.208 --> 01:42:12.625
-Oh-oh, oh-oh
-I wish that you'd talk to me

2019
01:42:12.708 --> 01:42:16.041
-I wish that you'd walk with me
-I knew

2020
01:42:16.125 --> 01:42:19.708
-Ooh
-'Cause you are built complete

2021
01:42:19.791 --> 01:42:22.958
You're the entirety

2022
01:42:23.041 --> 01:42:26.583
-Ooh
-I'm just here following

2023
01:42:26.666 --> 01:42:30.000
-Ooh
-I wish that you'd follow me

2024
01:42:30.083 --> 01:42:33.625
-Ooh
-'Cause I'm just here following

2025
01:42:33.708 --> 01:42:37.000
-Ooh
-I wish that you'd talk to me

2026
01:42:37.083 --> 01:42:40.625
-Ooh
-I wish that you'd walk with me

2027
01:42:40.708 --> 01:42:44.375
-Ooh
-I wish, oh, I wish