1
00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:12,320
Yeah, baby.

2
00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:33,670
Hi, I'm Dixie. Dixie Normous.

3
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:40,430
l may just be a small-town
FBI agent-slash-single mother...

4
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,510
...but I'm still tough and sexy.

5
00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:48,690
Well, Miss Normous, shall we shag now...

6
00:02:48,850 --> 00:02:50,100
...or shag later?

7
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:53,360
Oh, Austin, behave.

8
00:02:57,490 --> 00:02:59,160
Hey, Powers.

9
00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,160
You better watch your frigging self...

10
00:03:02,330 --> 00:03:06,750
...because this is one doctor
who does make house calls.

11
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,960
Right, Mini Me?

12
00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:14,380
Hey, assholes.

13
00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:20,890
I'm right over here. I'm Mini Me.
Come and get me.

14
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,060
And cut.

15
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,060
That's a cut, everybody.

16
00:03:32,230 --> 00:03:34,270
Moving on. Check the gate, please.

17
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:40,070
So, Austin, what'd you think
of the opening credits?

18
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,410
Well, l can't believe
Sir Steven Spielberg...

19
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,910
...the grooviest filmmaker
in the history of cinema...

20
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,080
...is making a movie about my life.

21
00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:50,620
Very shagadelic, baby. Yeah.

22
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:55,920
Having said that,
l do have some thoughts.

23
00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:57,590
Really?

24
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:01,510
Uh, my friend here
thinks it's fine the way it is.

25
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,680
Well, no offense, Sir Stevie...

26
00:04:03,850 --> 00:04:07,680
...but you've got to have mojo, baby.
Yeah.

27
00:04:07,930 --> 00:04:09,430
Hit it.

28
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,510
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Quincy Jones.

29
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,680
Yeah.

30
00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:33,390
This is where the movie
gets its mojo, baby.

31
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,770
Groovy, yes.

32
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,330
Quiet, everybody.
Music video, take two.

33
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,160
It's Britney Spears.

34
00:06:45,090 --> 00:06:49,890
Oops, l did it again, baby. Yeah.

35
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:02,270
l love you!

36
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,790
Yeah.

37
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,770
Welcome back, Herr Doctor.
How was space?

38
00:07:37,930 --> 00:07:40,770
Space was cool. Wasn't it, Mini Me?

39
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:42,560
-Mm-hm.
-Yeah.

40
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,730
Dr. Evil, while you were in space...

41
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:48,490
...I created a way for us to make
huge sums of legitimate money...

42
00:07:48,650 --> 00:07:52,240
...and still maintain the ethics
and the business practices...

43
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:54,240
...of an evil organization.

44
00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:58,830
l have turned us into a talent agency:
The Hollywood Talent Agency.

45
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,000
-Really?
-By charging A-list clients 9 percent...

46
00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:05,590
...rather than the traditional 10 percent,
we've been able to sign such stars...

47
00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:07,300
-...as George Clooney...
-Ooh.

48
00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:09,170
...Julia Roberts...
-Hey.

49
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:10,930
...and Leo DiCaprio.

50
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,430
Leo.

51
00:08:12,590 --> 00:08:17,350
And the best part of the whole scheme
is we all get our own assistants.

52
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,350
Hi, I'm Number Three.

53
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,310
Whoa!

54
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:24,610
I’m really excited to be part of the team
here at HTA.

55
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,440
Very impressive, Number Two...

56
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,530
...but I finally have the perfect plan.

57
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,320
In the '70s, there lived
a Dutch metallurgical hedonist...

58
00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:35,990
...by the name of Johann van der Smut.

59
00:08:37,370 --> 00:08:38,540
He loved gold so much...

60
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:42,000
...he even lost his genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.

61
00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:44,080
Hence the name...

62
00:08:44,380 --> 00:08:45,630
...Goldmember.

63
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,960
He invented a cold-fusion power unit...

64
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:52,050
...for a "tractor beam"--

65
00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:54,800
"Tractor beam"...

66
00:08:55,010 --> 00:08:57,350
...powerful enough
to pull a meteor to Earth.

67
00:08:57,510 --> 00:08:58,970
The meteor was called...

68
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,890
..."Midas 22."

69
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,060
It’s made of solid gold.

70
00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:05,690
Is he sleeping?

71
00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:07,570
Well, that's okay.

72
00:09:07,730 --> 00:09:09,280
l guess Mini Me won't get any...

73
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,110
...chocolate!

74
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:16,240
You want down, Mini Me?
Use your words like a big boy clone.

75
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,660
He's okay.

76
00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:24,920
Here's the chocolate.

77
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,250
It’s from Bruges. That's in Belgium.

78
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:30,630
That's where Daddy's from. Yeah.

79
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,760
Check out Mini Me.

80
00:09:36,930 --> 00:09:40,600
Yeah. He's gone mental
on account of the chocolate.

81
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:43,430
It’s like fricking catnip for clones.

82
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,810
-Your chair, Dr. Evil.
-Thank you.

83
00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:48,610
Whoa!

84
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:00,950
Thanks. Skedaddle. Right.

85
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,700
You know, when you have kids...

86
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,660
...I think you're gonna find
that all kids are different, eh?

87
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:14,470
For example, Mini Me loves chocolate.

88
00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:15,970
Scotty don't.

89
00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:18,300
-What, l like chocolate fine, l just--
-Scotty don't.

90
00:10:18,470 --> 00:10:21,640
Well, this is very familiar. Hang on,
let me do what l do. "Uh, would you stop?"

91
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:24,480
How about I what?

92
00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:26,390
What are you...?

93
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,310
l don't even-- Honestly, isn't this--?

94
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,020
How about you don't?
Ladies and gentlemen, Scotty Don't.

95
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:36,740
Ahem. Dr. Evil, perhaps it's time
that you finished unveiling your plan.

96
00:10:36,910 --> 00:10:40,320
Yes, thank you, Number Two.
Ladies and gentlemen, my plan is--

97
00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:43,240
-Scotty don't.
-Come on. You're such a lame-ass.

98
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:49,670
Oh.
-Oh.

99
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,380
-Oh.
-Oh.

100
00:10:52,550 --> 00:10:53,630
Yeah.
-Oh, this is...

101
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,090
Yeah, yeah.
-Oh, so we're...

102
00:10:56,260 --> 00:10:59,430
You know, this is causing me
serious psychological harm.

103
00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:01,350
l don't know. Who am l?

104
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:03,640
Fine. You know what?
l would love some chocolate.

105
00:11:03,810 --> 00:11:04,970
Here you go.

106
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:06,810
Thank you. Perfect.

107
00:11:12,730 --> 00:11:14,610
Heel, Mini Me.

108
00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:16,360
Heel.

109
00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:19,280
Come on. Got me a marlin. Yeah.

110
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,370
-You okay, Mini Me?
-Mm-hm.

111
00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:26,120
Yeah? Did l pull too hard?
l don't want to hurt you.

112
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:28,120
-Dr. Evil.
-Yeah?

113
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:31,040
What does Goldmember's plan
have to do with us?

114
00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:34,800
Our early attempts at a tractor beam
went through several preparations.

115
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:39,050
Preparations A through G were a failure.
But now, ladies and gentlemen...

116
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:43,760
...we finally have a working tractor beam
which we shall call:

117
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,560
"Preparation H."

118
00:11:48,270 --> 00:11:49,520
What?

119
00:11:49,690 --> 00:11:52,730
Why don't you just call it
"Operation Ass Cream," you ass.

120
00:11:53,570 --> 00:11:55,520
I’m sorry, did you want some ice cream?

121
00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:58,900
Yes. I'd love some chocolate ass cream.

122
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,360
Perhaps later.

123
00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:05,030
-Dr. Evil, l love your plan.
-Yeah, eh?

124
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,040
Ja, Herr Doctor, it's a really good plan.

125
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,500
Yes, Frau, on the whole,
l think Preparation H feels good.

126
00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:16,630
-What is it now?
-No, nothing. You know what, I agree.

127
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:21,010
Preparation H does feel good on the hole.

128
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:24,800
Well, I’m glad we're sprechen Sie
the same lingitty, ja.

129
00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:26,220
Ladies and gentlemen...

130
00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:30,770
...using my time machine,
l shall travel back to 1975...

131
00:12:30,940 --> 00:12:33,850
...pick up Goldmember
and bring him back to the future.

132
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,110
And the best part of this plan is...

133
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,440
...no one can stop me.

134
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,450
Not even...

135
00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:43,990
...Austin Powers.

136
00:12:55,130 --> 00:12:57,130
Not so fast.

137
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,210
You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.

138
00:13:00,970 --> 00:13:02,550
Shit.

139
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:08,810
Dr. Evil, the World Court
sentences you to 400 years.

140
00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:10,470
Do you have anything to say?

141
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:14,190
No, but l think Mini Me does.

142
00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:19,610
Order! l will have order!

143
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,570
Looks like two eggs in a hanky.

144
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,530
The criminal genius known as Dr. Evil
and his clone...

145
00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:31,040
...were sentenced today
at the World Organization.

146
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,330
For his efforts, Austin Powers...

147
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,540
...son of England's most famous spy,
Nigel Powers...

148
00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:39,170
...will be knighted by the queen
at Buckingham Palace.

149
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,340
Arise, Sir Austin Powers.

150
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:46,970
Thank you, Your Majesty.

151
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:51,350
-Your father must be very proud of you.
-Oh, yeah.

152
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,850
Come on, Dad, stand up and take a bow.

153
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:01,480
Daddy?

154
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,740
Dad?

155
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,510
Daddy

156
00:14:25,550 --> 00:14:28,220
Daddy wasn't there

157
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,220
Daddy

158
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,440
Daddy wasn't there

159
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,900
To take me to the fair

160
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:44,860
It seems he doesn't care

161
00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:46,740
Daddy wasn't there

162
00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:53,200
When I was first baptized
When I was criticized

163
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:55,540
When I was ostracized
When I was Jazzercised

164
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:58,040
Steak and kidney pies
One-hour Martinize

165
00:14:58,210 --> 00:15:00,880
When I was circumcised

166
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,250
Daddy wasn't there

167
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:05,380
To take me to the fair

168
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,880
To change my underwear

169
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:10,220
Daddy wasn't there

170
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,180
"Daddy Wasn't There." Peace.

171
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:16,600
l am a sexy beast.

172
00:15:16,770 --> 00:15:17,770
Yes.

173
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,230
Bangs. Yes, how’s it going?

174
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,110
The robot. Haven't seen that in a while.

175
00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:29,400
It’s Austin Powers! You so funny.
-Well, you know.

176
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:32,990
Also, very sexiful. Can l have autograph?

177
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,580
Of course. Your name is...?

178
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:37,290
Fook Mi.

179
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,380
Oh, behave, baby. Yes.

180
00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,960
-Now, your name is...?
-Fook Mi.

181
00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:45,800
You kiss your mother with that mouth?

182
00:15:46,630 --> 00:15:50,220
Fook Mi. Like this.

183
00:15:50,390 --> 00:15:52,180
Oh, l see!

184
00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:54,640
Your name is Fook Mi.

185
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:56,970
-You want drink?
-Yes, of course.

186
00:15:57,140 --> 00:16:00,850
You know, l have a private bar in the back
that you're more than welcome to use--

187
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:02,730
Here you go.

188
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:05,110
Fook Mi, that was fast.

189
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,320
Fook Yu.

190
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,650
You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom...

191
00:16:08,820 --> 00:16:11,110
...and l don't care who knows it.

192
00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:12,860
Austin.

193
00:16:14,830 --> 00:16:18,120
This is my twin sister. Her name Fook Yu.

194
00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:19,790
Fook Yu.

195
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,460
Fook Mi.

196
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:22,670
See?

197
00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,500
Twins. Twins.

198
00:16:29,590 --> 00:16:30,880
Twins. Yes.

199
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:33,680
We're going to see the twins. Yes.

200
00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:39,980
l also think Austin Powers very sexiful.

201
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:42,520
We think you are very gravy, baby.

202
00:16:42,690 --> 00:16:44,560
Do we make you sleepy?

203
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,520
Well, you make me many things,
but sleepy's not one of them.

204
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:50,900
We give you top-secret massage.

205
00:16:51,070 --> 00:16:55,410
Yes, top-secret massage, baby.

206
00:16:58,450 --> 00:16:59,750
Sorry about that.

207
00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:02,500
l swear to God that never happens,
heh-heh-heh.

208
00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:04,540
Yes, hold on a tic.

209
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,340
Okay....

210
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:13,550
Okay. Now, where were we, babies? Yes.

211
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,100
Ah, Austin. I’m sorry to interrupt.

212
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:22,390
Twins, Basil. Twins.

213
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,020
Austin, it's your father.

214
00:17:25,190 --> 00:17:26,230
-Bye-bye.
-What?

215
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,070
-Bye.
-He's been kidnapped.

216
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,400
Very heavy, man.

217
00:17:32,570 --> 00:17:36,700
Oh. So that's why my father
wasn't at the knighting ceremony.

218
00:17:36,870 --> 00:17:38,280
Well, no, actually.

219
00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:41,240
He was kidnapped
after you were knighted.

220
00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:42,620
Ah.

221
00:17:42,790 --> 00:17:44,750
He was last seen on his yacht.

222
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,420
Ah, yes, the HMS Shag-at-Sea.

223
00:17:47,590 --> 00:17:49,670
Exactly. Just take a look.

224
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,000
Gentlemen, fall in.

225
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,010
Austin, these men were assigned
to guard your father.

226
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:57,550
Okay, chaps. Chins up, trousers down.

227
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,510
l think we may have found a clue.

228
00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:06,060
Cor blimey. All your privates
have had their privates painted gold.

229
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:07,690
How bizarre.

230
00:18:07,860 --> 00:18:09,860
Imagine, gilded tallywhackers...

231
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:13,150
...golden wedding tackle,
14-karat trouser snakes--

232
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,110
-That's enough.
-Okay.

233
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,910
Basil, there's only one person
in the world...

234
00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:22,160
...who truly understands
the psychology of a madman.

235
00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:25,120
Dr. Evil.

236
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,900
I've been expecting you, Mr. Powers.

237
00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:51,820
My father is missing.

238
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:54,650
Yes, I heard. How ironic.

239
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:58,740
You finally caught me,
yet now you need me more than ever.

240
00:18:58,910 --> 00:19:02,580
But then again, you've always needed me,
haven't you, Mr. Powers?

241
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:06,410
Remember when I told you
we're not so different, you and I?

242
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:09,920
We're not so different, you and l.

243
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,750
See? l did say that. Mm-hm.

244
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,760
Very clever. Now, who has my father?

245
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,170
Uh-oh!

246
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:19,800
Someone has some daddy issues.

247
00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:21,930
Nothing could be my father from the truth.

248
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,350
Ooh! You said, "my father."

249
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,680
-No, l dadn't.
-Hey-oh!

250
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,100
Didn't. Did not.

251
00:19:28,270 --> 00:19:29,350
She-ba.

252
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,940
-For me, this is a dad issue.
-Ha--

253
00:19:32,110 --> 00:19:33,190
Dead issue. Dead dad.

254
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:36,110
Deadbeat dad. Daddy didn't love me.

255
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:41,410
It seems the knighting ceremony
wasn't the only time...

256
00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:44,700
...your daddy let you down.

257
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,080
Remember that day at the academy?

258
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:51,920
Think.

259
00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:55,460
It was graduation.

260
00:20:01,470 --> 00:20:04,760
Yeah, baby, yeah.
Do l make you horny, baby?

261
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:06,560
Oh, yes, that's the spot. Right there.

262
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,100
You're a naughty one. Yes, you are.

263
00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:11,350
Hello, vicar. Crake!

264
00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:14,520
Have you ever heard of knocking, man?

265
00:20:14,690 --> 00:20:16,480
Right.

266
00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,240
We were just getting started.

267
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,110
Bye, love.

268
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,160
Don't forget, Master Powers,
later you have a brief oral exam.

269
00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:27,450
Well, l hope it's mostly oral and not too...

270
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,790
...brief, baby.

271
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,420
You know, "brief" and "oral exam"....

272
00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:38,670
Marks are in, lads.

273
00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:43,340
It looks Like Master Evil
is the top contender...

274
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:46,100
...for this year's
International Man of Mystery.

275
00:20:46,260 --> 00:20:47,680
He's number one in the class.

276
00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:49,770
Whoop-de-do, Basil.

277
00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:52,850
Hey, everybody, I'm number one.

278
00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:54,190
Who cares?

279
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,690
Hello, I’m Number Two.

280
00:20:56,860 --> 00:20:58,610
Nice to meet you, Number Two...

281
00:20:58,780 --> 00:21:03,110
...but now I’m going to be named
this year's International Man of Mystery.

282
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,610
Yeah, right.

283
00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:13,000
Shut your gob.

284
00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:14,370
Ow!

285
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,300
Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.

286
00:21:21,590 --> 00:21:24,970
And now it's time to award
our greatest honor.

287
00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:29,060
This year's International
Man of Mystery is...

288
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,770
...Austin Powers.

289
00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:34,560
Well done, Austin.

290
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,860
Jolly good.
-Top notch.

291
00:21:42,030 --> 00:21:44,740
We're proud of you.
-Very well done, indeed.

292
00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:50,990
It’s always been my dream
to win this award, just like my dad.

293
00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:53,160
And I’m glad he could be here.

294
00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:55,620
Stand up, Dad. Take a bow.

295
00:22:02,170 --> 00:22:03,340
Dad?

296
00:22:06,180 --> 00:22:07,510
Daddy?

297
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,230
Boo-frickity-hoo.

298
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,030
l had the best grades in the class
and I didn't get diddlysquat.

299
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:25,610
-Here we go.
-Tell me, Mr. Powers...

300
00:22:25,780 --> 00:22:27,530
...what did you find on those sailors?

301
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:32,200
A golden surprise, perhaps?

302
00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:35,370
How did--? Yes.

303
00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:39,540
All the sailors had their
meat and two veg painted gold.

304
00:22:39,710 --> 00:22:43,130
Yes, it's the distinctive calling card
of a criminal mastermind.

305
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:45,420
The aptly named...

306
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,970
...Goldmember.

307
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,140
How can I find this Goldmember?

308
00:22:54,730 --> 00:22:56,730
Quid pro quo, Mr. Powers.

309
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,400
Yes, squid pro row.

310
00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:05,900
I'll give you Goldmember, you give me
a transfer to a regular prison...

311
00:23:06,070 --> 00:23:09,660
...so that l could be with
my beloved Mini Me.

312
00:23:09,870 --> 00:23:13,120
Okay, I'll get you a transfer
to a regular prison.

313
00:23:13,290 --> 00:23:14,660
Now, where's Goldmember?

314
00:23:14,830 --> 00:23:17,080
Not where, Mr. Powers...

315
00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:18,670
...but when.

316
00:23:18,830 --> 00:23:23,590
1975. Studio 69 Disco. New York City.
Corner of 69th and 8th.

317
00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:26,170
You go now, Mr. Powers.

318
00:23:26,380 --> 00:23:28,550
Fly, fly.

319
00:23:36,060 --> 00:23:37,810
I’ll get it.

320
00:23:44,730 --> 00:23:48,190
Instead of hiding your father
in some remote location...

321
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,950
...Goldmember is hiding him in 1975.

322
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,410
So our engineers
have crafted this vehicle...

323
00:23:54,580 --> 00:23:56,750
...to time-travel to the '70s.

324
00:23:56,910 --> 00:24:00,460
Smashing, Basil. A pimpmobile.

325
00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:03,630
Oh, yes, yes.
l knew it would tickle your fancy.

326
00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:05,920
What can l say? Look.

327
00:24:06,130 --> 00:24:07,130
Cough.

328
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,720
Here we go, 1975.

329
00:24:11,890 --> 00:24:12,970
Good luck, Austin.

330
00:24:13,140 --> 00:24:14,970
1975!

331
00:24:15,140 --> 00:24:17,470
Yeah, baby! Yeah!

332
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,020
Solid Gold

333
00:25:02,850 --> 00:25:05,150
Solid Gold

334
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,690
It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's gold

335
00:25:08,860 --> 00:25:11,570
It's solid gold, baby

336
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,330
It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's gold

337
00:25:17,490 --> 00:25:20,500
It's solid gold, baby

338
00:25:20,660 --> 00:25:22,290
Yeah

339
00:25:22,460 --> 00:25:24,540
He's got the Midas touch

340
00:25:24,710 --> 00:25:26,330
But he touched it too much

341
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:30,880
Hey, Goldmember

342
00:25:31,050 --> 00:25:32,880
He's got a golden pad

343
00:25:33,300 --> 00:25:34,970
He's super bad

344
00:25:35,140 --> 00:25:39,560
Hey, Goldmember

345
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,890
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to Studio 69.

346
00:25:44,060 --> 00:25:45,900
Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.

347
00:25:46,060 --> 00:25:49,440
It’s Goldmember!

348
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,950
Hey, everybody, I am from Holland.

349
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:03,710
Isn't that weird? Yes. Ha, ha.

350
00:26:05,420 --> 00:26:07,330
He's got the Midas touch

351
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,380
But he touched it too much

352
00:26:09,550 --> 00:26:11,590
Hey, Goldmember
-Yeah

353
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,760
Hey, Goldmember

354
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,590
You're getting' down tonight

355
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,760
Ow!
-You're dynamite

356
00:26:17,930 --> 00:26:19,260
Hey, Goldmember

357
00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:22,350
-Goldmember
-Hey, Goldmember

358
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,600
'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
Uh-huh

359
00:26:24,810 --> 00:26:26,770
He likes it, uh-huh
Uh-huh

360
00:26:26,940 --> 00:26:28,940
Goldmember
-Goldmember

361
00:26:29,110 --> 00:26:31,190
He loves it
-He loves it

362
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,360
'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
-Uh-huh

363
00:26:33,530 --> 00:26:35,280
-He likes it, uh-huh
-Uh-huh

364
00:26:35,450 --> 00:26:37,490
Goldmember
-Goldmember

365
00:26:37,660 --> 00:26:39,490
He loves it
-He loves it

366
00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:41,700
He's got the Midas touch

367
00:26:41,870 --> 00:26:43,950
He touched it too much

368
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:45,790
Hey, Goldmember

369
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,960
Hey, Goldmember
-Goldmember

370
00:26:48,130 --> 00:26:50,790
He's from the Netherlands

371
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,130
-It's where he learned to dance
-Hey, Goldmember

372
00:26:53,340 --> 00:26:55,170
-Gold, Goldmember
-Hey, Goldmember

373
00:26:55,340 --> 00:26:57,300
Hey, Goldmember

374
00:26:57,470 --> 00:27:00,180
It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's gold

375
00:27:00,390 --> 00:27:03,390
It's solid gold, baby

376
00:27:03,810 --> 00:27:06,810
Goldmember's so solid
-It's gold, it's gold, it's gold

377
00:27:06,980 --> 00:27:08,900
It's gold, it's gold, it's gold

378
00:27:09,060 --> 00:27:12,320
-It's gold
-It's solid gold, baby

379
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,820
His member's so gold

380
00:27:14,990 --> 00:27:17,490
Yes, it is, yeah

381
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,790
Well, if it isn't Austin Powers.

382
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,000
I’m sorry?

383
00:27:29,170 --> 00:27:32,420
You got a lot of nerve dragging
your jive white ass in here.

384
00:27:32,590 --> 00:27:35,000
l don't believe we've met.

385
00:27:35,670 --> 00:27:37,630
It’s me. Foxxy!

386
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,130
Foxxy Cleopatra!

387
00:27:39,550 --> 00:27:41,180
Long time, no see.

388
00:27:41,350 --> 00:27:43,680
-Oh.
-Stop!

389
00:27:43,850 --> 00:27:46,020
We can't be seen talking to each other,
you dig?

390
00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:48,600
I’m using this cat as a distraction.

391
00:27:48,770 --> 00:27:50,350
l get it. Yes, very clever.

392
00:27:51,230 --> 00:27:52,690
First things first.

393
00:27:52,860 --> 00:27:55,690
Ow! Ouch-kabibble!

394
00:27:55,860 --> 00:27:59,700
Eight years and no phone call?
Nobody stands up Foxxy Cleopatra!

395
00:27:59,860 --> 00:28:01,200
Where have you been?

396
00:28:01,370 --> 00:28:03,410
Listen, Foxxy.

397
00:28:03,580 --> 00:28:06,790
l just want you to know
l never intended to hurt you, baby.

398
00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:09,710
Well, all I know is...

399
00:28:09,870 --> 00:28:12,420
...Mama only got a taste of honey...

400
00:28:12,580 --> 00:28:15,300
...but she wanted the whole beehive.

401
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,550
Oh, beehive.

402
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,880
Yes, "beehive."

403
00:28:21,050 --> 00:28:23,300
You always knew how to make me smile.

404
00:28:23,470 --> 00:28:26,390
Well, you know, it's a gift, really. l, um--

405
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:27,890
Ugh, what am I doing?

406
00:28:28,060 --> 00:28:31,060
Foxxy, what are you doing
in Goldmember's club?

407
00:28:32,060 --> 00:28:33,230
I’m undercover.

408
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:37,070
About a year ago,
my partner at the bureau was killed.

409
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,740
And that jive-ass turkey Goldmember
is the prime suspect.

410
00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:42,240
Ow!

411
00:28:43,070 --> 00:28:45,530
Your father's in the back room,
under heavy guard.

412
00:28:45,700 --> 00:28:48,540
-Thanks, Foxxy.
-Austin! Good luck.

413
00:29:05,050 --> 00:29:06,260
Oh!

414
00:29:06,430 --> 00:29:08,260
-Dad!
-Hello, son.

415
00:29:08,430 --> 00:29:11,060
Just overpowering my guards. Heh, heh.

416
00:29:11,230 --> 00:29:13,600
I’m here to rescue you. Come quickly.

417
00:29:13,770 --> 00:29:16,480
I’ve got a better idea.
Why don't you rescue me in about...

418
00:29:16,650 --> 00:29:18,940
...what, seven or eight minutes, eh?
Ha, ha.

419
00:29:19,110 --> 00:29:22,780
Oh, knock it off.
l don't want to see my dad on the job.

420
00:29:22,950 --> 00:29:23,950
Come on, let's go.

421
00:29:24,110 --> 00:29:26,780
Okay. I’m sorry. I'm sorry, girls.
-No.

422
00:29:26,950 --> 00:29:29,450
I’ve got to go, it's my boy. Hold on.

423
00:29:31,620 --> 00:29:34,000
-What's wrong with your neck?
-l took a Viagra.

424
00:29:34,170 --> 00:29:36,540
It got stuck in my throat.
I’ve had a stiff neck for hours.

425
00:29:36,710 --> 00:29:37,960
l thank you.

426
00:29:39,510 --> 00:29:42,010
Listen, Dad, if you are gonna
talk about naughty things...

427
00:29:42,170 --> 00:29:43,840
...in front of these American girls...

428
00:29:44,010 --> 00:29:46,090
...then at least speak "English" English.

429
00:29:47,050 --> 00:29:48,680
All right, my son.

430
00:29:48,850 --> 00:29:51,470
l could've had it away
with this cracking Judy, my old china.

431
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,480
Are you telling pork pies
and a bag of tripe?

432
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,310
Because if you are feeling quiggly,
why not just have a J. Arthur?

433
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,560
-What, Billy No-Mates?
-Too right, youth.

434
00:29:58,730 --> 00:30:01,280
Don't you remember the din-din
with the grotty Scottish bint?

435
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,440
Oh, the one that was all
sixes and sevens?

436
00:30:03,610 --> 00:30:07,070
The trouble and strife of the Morris dancer
that lived up the apples and pears.

437
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,870
Yes, yes, she was the barrister
that became a bobby in a lorry...

438
00:30:11,540 --> 00:30:13,910
...with a Gatling gun
in and above St. Regis...

439
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:15,210
...tea kettle.

440
00:30:15,370 --> 00:30:16,580
Yes.
-Then she...

441
00:30:16,750 --> 00:30:19,000
Shat on a turtle.

442
00:30:19,170 --> 00:30:23,010
-Oh, God, we had some good times, eh?
-We had some good times, eh?

443
00:30:23,170 --> 00:30:25,630
-Wonderful times, we had.
-Good times, yeah.

444
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,100
We had some good, uh...

445
00:30:30,430 --> 00:30:31,470
...times.

446
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,850
Welcome to 1975...

447
00:30:34,020 --> 00:30:36,440
...Austin Powers and father.

448
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,360
Excuse me while l change.
The roller boogie has made me sweaty.

449
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,020
Yeah, sweaty.

450
00:30:42,190 --> 00:30:43,820
You see, Mr. Powers...

451
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,580
...I love gold.

452
00:30:50,780 --> 00:30:52,700
The look of it, the taste of it...

453
00:30:52,870 --> 00:30:55,620
...the smell of it, the texture.

454
00:30:55,790 --> 00:30:57,500
l love gold so much...

455
00:30:57,670 --> 00:31:01,960
...that I even lost my genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.

456
00:31:02,630 --> 00:31:04,550
Hence the name...

457
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,630
...Goldmember.

458
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,560
We are both swingers, you see? Ha, ha.

459
00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:20,230
You have a tight body. Yes.

460
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,230
l see that from your tight pants.

461
00:31:22,860 --> 00:31:26,030
Yes, you are tight like a tiger.

462
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,360
Would you like a smoke and a pancake?

463
00:31:28,530 --> 00:31:31,410
-A what?
-A smoke and a pancake.

464
00:31:31,580 --> 00:31:34,740
You know, flapjack and a cigarette?
Hmm?

465
00:31:34,910 --> 00:31:36,910
All right. Cigar and a waffle?

466
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,250
No? Pipe and a crepe?

467
00:31:39,420 --> 00:31:42,080
No? Bong and a blintz?
-No.

468
00:31:42,250 --> 00:31:45,210
Ah, well. Then there is no pleasing you.

469
00:31:45,380 --> 00:31:47,090
That's not right.

470
00:31:47,260 --> 00:31:50,130
Ooh, hello. What have we here?

471
00:31:50,340 --> 00:31:51,800
That's a keeper. Yes.

472
00:31:51,970 --> 00:31:54,600
Put it in the skin box, please.
With the others.

473
00:31:54,770 --> 00:31:58,100
-I’m peeling.
-Oh, that’s just disgusting.

474
00:31:58,270 --> 00:31:59,940
Quickly. Quickly. Thank you.

475
00:32:00,100 --> 00:32:01,270
Save me from myself.

476
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,560
You're insane, Goldmember.

477
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,780
And that's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh, l like it.

478
00:32:07,950 --> 00:32:10,280
KC and the Sunshine Band.

479
00:32:10,450 --> 00:32:13,740
All right, Goldmember,
don't play the laughing boy.

480
00:32:13,910 --> 00:32:16,950
There are only two things
l can't stand in this world:

481
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:21,330
People who are intolerant
of other people's cultures...

482
00:32:21,500 --> 00:32:23,630
...and the Dutch.
-What?

483
00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:28,970
Take the father away.

484
00:32:31,050 --> 00:32:35,560
Dutch-hater. And now, ha, ha,
it is time to say goodbye.

485
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,810
Dr. Evil's orders.

486
00:32:37,980 --> 00:32:41,310
Which for you is bad news, bears.

487
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:42,560
Walter Matthau.

488
00:32:42,730 --> 00:32:43,980
Shazam.

489
00:32:44,820 --> 00:32:46,690
Up yours, jive turkey.

490
00:32:46,860 --> 00:32:48,650
-Traitor.
-Ugh!

491
00:32:48,820 --> 00:32:51,110
Heh-heh-heh. Yes, the gun.
Good, very good.

492
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:52,820
2002.

493
00:32:54,070 --> 00:32:56,490
They're taking my father
to the time machine.

494
00:32:56,660 --> 00:32:59,540
The say-what machine?
-Come on, now. Ha, ha.

495
00:32:59,710 --> 00:33:01,250
No!
-This way, sugar.

496
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:13,720
That was close, Foxxy. l owe you one.

497
00:33:13,890 --> 00:33:17,970
Austin, I found this in Goldmember's office.
It’s a microfilm. It may be a clue.

498
00:33:18,140 --> 00:33:20,810
-Smashing.
-l want to go to the future with you.

499
00:33:20,980 --> 00:33:24,020
We can catch Goldmember together.
l owe it to my partner.

500
00:33:24,190 --> 00:33:27,150
l should warn you, Foxxy,
2002 is very different.

501
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,190
Well, heh, the future
better get ready for me.

502
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:34,610
Because I’m Foxxy Cleopatra
and I'm a whole lot of woman.

503
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,370
2002, here we come.

504
00:33:47,540 --> 00:33:50,800
<i>All visitations limited to five minutes.</i>

505
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,220
No spitting in the visitors' room.

506
00:33:57,220 --> 00:33:58,720
Herr Doctor...

507
00:33:58,890 --> 00:34:00,560
...I have some news.

508
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,350
-It’s your son.
-Oh.

509
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,390
He wants to take over
the family business.

510
00:34:05,150 --> 00:34:06,900
Scotty does?

511
00:34:07,060 --> 00:34:10,110
Oh, he’s gotten so evil,
he has even started losing his hair.

512
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:11,690
l know, it's sweet.

513
00:34:11,860 --> 00:34:14,900
Oh, he just wants to make you proud,
Herr Doctor.

514
00:34:15,070 --> 00:34:17,450
After all, it’s hard on the boy
not having a father.

515
00:34:17,620 --> 00:34:21,740
You know, first you were frozen,
then you were in space, now you're in jail.

516
00:34:21,910 --> 00:34:24,540
Well, don't tell me he feels neglected.

517
00:34:24,710 --> 00:34:27,540
l was adopted by fricking Belgians, eh?

518
00:34:27,710 --> 00:34:29,090
You were adopted?

519
00:34:29,250 --> 00:34:31,800
l never met my birth parents.

520
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,260
There was a car accident.

521
00:34:34,510 --> 00:34:37,340
I'm told it was a beautiful Belgian day.

522
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:41,510
The smell of waffles and Brussels sprouts
filled the summer air...

523
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,350
...until....

524
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,600
My birth mother was incinerated.

525
00:34:46,770 --> 00:34:49,810
l only survived
because her smoking carcass...

526
00:34:49,980 --> 00:34:53,610
...formed a protective cocoon
of slaughtered human effluence.

527
00:34:53,780 --> 00:34:56,860
A Belgian man and his 15-year-old
love slave with webbed feet...

528
00:34:57,030 --> 00:34:58,530
...was looting the accident scene.

529
00:34:58,700 --> 00:35:00,910
They came across a blood-soaked baby,
moi.

530
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,120
They raised me to be evil.

531
00:35:03,290 --> 00:35:06,080
You know, that old chestnut.

532
00:35:07,460 --> 00:35:10,460
But nothing compares to this,
being inside the belly of the beast...

533
00:35:10,630 --> 00:35:12,750
...night after night, all alone.

534
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,130
Daddy’s all pent up. Let’s freak!

535
00:35:15,300 --> 00:35:16,630
Oh!

536
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:34,360
Time's up.

537
00:35:34,530 --> 00:35:37,450
<i>Visiting hours are over. Step to the line.</i>

538
00:35:37,610 --> 00:35:39,240
Cuffs up.

539
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:46,620
Move it.

540
00:35:51,330 --> 00:35:52,750
Hi, there.

541
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:54,800
How you sleeping? Good?

542
00:35:57,170 --> 00:36:00,010
Gentlemen, listen up, y'all.

543
00:36:00,180 --> 00:36:02,180
Here's the new plan:

544
00:36:02,350 --> 00:36:04,220
You're gonna start a riot...

545
00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:07,520
...and we’re gonna
walk out the front door.

546
00:36:10,270 --> 00:36:11,600
Hey, man.

547
00:36:12,270 --> 00:36:14,820
l know guys on crack
that makes more sense than you.

548
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:16,530
Really?

549
00:36:16,690 --> 00:36:19,780
Then let me put it to you this way, cuz.

550
00:36:25,370 --> 00:36:26,700
Yeah.

551
00:36:27,370 --> 00:36:29,960
-Instead of treated
-We get tricked

552
00:36:30,540 --> 00:36:33,290
-Instead of kisses
-We get kicked

553
00:36:33,460 --> 00:36:34,540
It's the hard knock

554
00:36:34,710 --> 00:36:36,800
I don't know how to
be No crib on MTV

555
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,050
God only knows
Got my Mini Me in the G.P.

556
00:36:39,220 --> 00:36:41,260
See how it goes
Evil's all that I see

557
00:36:41,430 --> 00:36:43,550
And you ask me my name?
D to the rizzo

558
00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:45,390
E to the vizzo
I to the lizzo

559
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,770
I'm a crazy
Y'all knew that

560
00:36:47,970 --> 00:36:51,060
Austin caught me in the first act
It's all backwards, what's with that?

561
00:36:51,230 --> 00:36:53,900
So I'll make a prophecy
From the dogs to the Mini Me

562
00:36:54,060 --> 00:36:56,730
Give me an Escalade, a two-way
Bling bling on eBay

563
00:36:56,900 --> 00:36:58,650
Domino

564
00:37:02,570 --> 00:37:04,740
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it

565
00:37:04,910 --> 00:37:06,580
Instead of treated

566
00:37:07,450 --> 00:37:09,830
This is for all my homeys in Bruges

567
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:14,580
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

568
00:37:17,550 --> 00:37:19,420
Ah, Cristal.

569
00:37:19,590 --> 00:37:20,630
My Moto.

570
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:22,260
A couple of beyotches.

571
00:37:22,430 --> 00:37:23,930
Why not?

572
00:37:24,510 --> 00:37:26,640
I gotta bust a move
Drop and bust a groove

573
00:37:26,810 --> 00:37:29,060
Feelin' fine, got an evil crew
Goldmember too

574
00:37:29,220 --> 00:37:30,220
Lick my 9

575
00:37:30,390 --> 00:37:32,940
Till then I'll...on my...butt
Brains out

576
00:37:33,100 --> 00:37:35,770
Put...on call
And splooge in your...that's all

577
00:37:35,940 --> 00:37:37,690
Fo' shizzle my nizzle, y'all

578
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:42,320
Yeah.

579
00:37:42,950 --> 00:37:44,410
All right, Listen up.

580
00:37:44,570 --> 00:37:47,200
Tonight, 8 p.m.,
you're going to start a riot.

581
00:37:47,370 --> 00:37:49,620
Yes, Dr. Evil.

582
00:37:49,790 --> 00:37:53,290
<i>Attention, all guards.
There is a riot in progress.</i>

583
00:37:53,460 --> 00:37:55,290
Seal all exits.

584
00:37:55,460 --> 00:38:00,340
Attention. Dr. Evil and his clone
are trying to escape.

585
00:38:00,510 --> 00:38:04,380
All guards report to Cell Block A
immediately.

586
00:38:04,550 --> 00:38:07,640
Dr. Evil and his clone are getting away.

587
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:17,980
There you are.

588
00:38:18,150 --> 00:38:20,980
-Good morning, sunshine.
-Good morning.

589
00:38:21,150 --> 00:38:22,440
How did you sleep?

590
00:38:22,610 --> 00:38:25,990
-Great.
-Me too. If these lips could talk.

591
00:38:27,620 --> 00:38:29,830
Mm. Oh, hello.

592
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,080
You have the right to remain sexy, sugar.

593
00:38:33,250 --> 00:38:35,540
Oh. l hope there's a search involved.

594
00:38:38,130 --> 00:38:39,250
You've got mail.

595
00:38:39,420 --> 00:38:41,840
So, what does this thing do?

596
00:38:42,010 --> 00:38:43,510
Well, it's called the Internet...

597
00:38:43,670 --> 00:38:46,050
...and it's completely revolutionized
the way we live...

598
00:38:46,220 --> 00:38:47,840
...and access vital information.

599
00:38:48,010 --> 00:38:49,970
For example, have a look at this:

600
00:38:50,140 --> 00:38:51,470
Oh, look at the monkey.

601
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:54,680
Oh, he's got his finger on his--
-Oh, no. Watch out.

602
00:38:57,270 --> 00:38:59,770
Wow. Now, that's vital information.

603
00:38:59,940 --> 00:39:01,440
l know. It’s amazing.

604
00:39:04,190 --> 00:39:07,030
Oh, Basil. What's happening, baby?

605
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,860
A lot is happening, Foxxy.

606
00:39:09,030 --> 00:39:11,120
Dr. Evil has escaped.

607
00:39:11,530 --> 00:39:13,330
The good news is that
one of our agents...

608
00:39:13,500 --> 00:39:16,870
...has managed to infiltrate
Dr. Evil's organization.

609
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:20,710
Excellent. We’ve been trying for years
to get a mole inside Dr. Evil’s lair.

610
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,840
-We now have that mole.
-Yes.

611
00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:26,300
And here he is.

612
00:39:28,050 --> 00:39:29,340
So you're the--

613
00:39:30,140 --> 00:39:33,890
Mo....

614
00:39:34,060 --> 00:39:35,930
Most. Most.

615
00:39:36,100 --> 00:39:38,480
-Most.
-Most excellent agent we've ever seen.

616
00:39:38,650 --> 00:39:40,900
Yes, most excellent agent we’ve ever seen.

617
00:39:41,060 --> 00:39:42,900
-Mm-hm.
-Thank you.

618
00:39:43,070 --> 00:39:44,570
Thank you.

619
00:39:44,730 --> 00:39:47,400
Now, l wasn't able to get an exact Location,
but l did learn...

620
00:39:47,570 --> 00:39:50,360
...that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair
outside of Tokyo, Japan.

621
00:39:50,530 --> 00:39:52,410
Hmm.

622
00:39:53,950 --> 00:39:56,580
By the way, l realize
that l have a large mole on my face.

623
00:39:57,910 --> 00:39:59,500
Where? Ha, ha.

624
00:39:59,670 --> 00:40:02,330
What? Where's that mole? Heh, heh.

625
00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:04,590
l didn't see one.

626
00:40:05,420 --> 00:40:09,050
l also realize the irony
that l am myself a mole.

627
00:40:09,930 --> 00:40:12,850
No one would make that connection.

628
00:40:14,930 --> 00:40:17,770
Anyway, well done, old chap.

629
00:40:17,930 --> 00:40:18,980
Jolly good work.

630
00:40:19,140 --> 00:40:22,440
Yes, nice to mole you-- Meet you.
Nice to meet your mole.

631
00:40:22,610 --> 00:40:23,770
-Don't say "mole."
-Stop.

632
00:40:23,940 --> 00:40:25,980
-l said "mole."
-Stop.

633
00:40:26,740 --> 00:40:28,400
Stop.

634
00:40:29,450 --> 00:40:31,110
Bye.
-Mole.

635
00:40:35,330 --> 00:40:36,620
Mole.

636
00:40:36,790 --> 00:40:38,500
Stop.

637
00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:43,210
-Mole.
-Oh, shut up!

638
00:40:45,460 --> 00:40:48,800
Moley-moley-moley-moIey-moley.

639
00:41:02,810 --> 00:41:04,900
Up, periscope.

640
00:41:09,990 --> 00:41:11,820
Ladies and gentlemen...

641
00:41:11,990 --> 00:41:14,160
...welcome to my new submarine lair.

642
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,240
It’s long and hard and full of seamen.

643
00:41:24,130 --> 00:41:26,170
Nothing? No?

644
00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:27,590
Not even a titter?

645
00:41:27,750 --> 00:41:28,960
Tough sub.

646
00:41:29,130 --> 00:41:31,920
Dr. Evil, you look very tight.

647
00:41:32,090 --> 00:41:33,590
Yes, tight like a tiger.

648
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,180
-Yes, yes, yes.
-Really?

649
00:41:35,350 --> 00:41:37,140
Yes, you look like a macho man.

650
00:41:37,310 --> 00:41:39,140
Village People.

651
00:41:39,310 --> 00:41:40,520
You know, Goldmember...

652
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,770
...I don't think that’s something
one dude should say to another dude.

653
00:41:43,940 --> 00:41:46,480
Yeah. A little creepy. Mm-hm.

654
00:41:46,650 --> 00:41:51,440
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
This is a keeper. Oi.

655
00:41:51,610 --> 00:41:52,860
Yes.

656
00:41:53,030 --> 00:41:56,990
All right, you're not gonna put that skin
in your mouth, are you?

657
00:41:58,490 --> 00:42:00,990
You did. Okay, that’s just gross.

658
00:42:02,210 --> 00:42:04,460
Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.

659
00:42:04,620 --> 00:42:06,710
Ladies and gentlemen...

660
00:42:08,250 --> 00:42:09,920
...as you know...

661
00:42:10,090 --> 00:42:12,840
...we've been designing
a "tractor beam"...

662
00:42:13,010 --> 00:42:15,130
...code-named Preparation H.

663
00:42:15,300 --> 00:42:19,050
-Heh-heh-heh.
-It’s powerful enough to pull the meteor...

664
00:42:19,220 --> 00:42:23,060
..."Midas 22" into a collision course
with the Earth.

665
00:42:23,230 --> 00:42:27,600
Upon entering the atmosphere,
the hot ball of magma...

666
00:42:27,770 --> 00:42:31,610
...will strike and melt the polar icecaps,
causing a global flood.

667
00:42:31,780 --> 00:42:36,240
But enough of my technical mumbo jumbo.
Allow me to demonstrate.

668
00:42:40,740 --> 00:42:41,910
Lower the globe.

669
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:43,910
Lower the globe!

670
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,250
Ow! Ow!

671
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,000
Well, congratulations, numbnuts.

672
00:42:51,170 --> 00:42:55,220
You've succeeded in turning me
into a fricking jack-in-the-box.

673
00:42:55,380 --> 00:42:57,840
Get it off. Get it off. It's dark, it's dark.

674
00:42:58,010 --> 00:42:59,720
I’m okay. I’m okay.

675
00:43:01,310 --> 00:43:02,930
Release the meteor.

676
00:43:03,100 --> 00:43:05,100
Release the meteor!

677
00:43:06,770 --> 00:43:08,270
-Ow!
-Oh....

678
00:43:10,270 --> 00:43:11,360
No way.

679
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,030
Right in the kniggin.

680
00:43:13,190 --> 00:43:16,240
-Goddamn it. Oh!
-Ow.

681
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,950
Guys.

682
00:43:18,450 --> 00:43:19,780
Way to go, A-hole.

683
00:43:19,950 --> 00:43:24,290
All right, hold on while I try
and find my balls, for God's sakes.

684
00:43:24,450 --> 00:43:26,660
One, two and three.

685
00:43:26,830 --> 00:43:28,620
Okay. I'm okay.

686
00:43:28,790 --> 00:43:32,710
Dr. Evil, we still have
the ultimate insurance policy.

687
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,300
May l present to you...

688
00:43:34,460 --> 00:43:37,670
...the very sexual, the very tight...

689
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,970
...Austin Powers' father.

690
00:43:41,140 --> 00:43:43,810
-His what?
-His father, Dr. Evil.

691
00:43:43,970 --> 00:43:45,720
His "farger"?

692
00:43:46,390 --> 00:43:50,100
-What's a farger?
-His father. You know, the father.

693
00:43:50,270 --> 00:43:54,940
Yeah. Goldmember, I don't speak
freaky-deaky Dutch, okay, perv boy?

694
00:43:55,110 --> 00:43:57,240
Father. His dad. Dad is father.

695
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:58,530
Oh, his dad?

696
00:43:58,700 --> 00:44:00,990
Oh, his father.

697
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,660
Yes, I have a Dutch accent.
Isn’t that weird?

698
00:44:03,830 --> 00:44:05,740
Father. Father.

699
00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:09,000
Ah, Nigel Powers.

700
00:44:09,170 --> 00:44:10,500
Hello, hello.

701
00:44:14,130 --> 00:44:18,470
-Bring him to me.
-Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.

702
00:44:18,630 --> 00:44:21,720
Oh, put the guns down.
Is this the first day on the job or something?

703
00:44:21,890 --> 00:44:25,510
Look, this is how it goes.
You attack me one at a time...

704
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,930
...and l knock you out with a single punch.
Okay? Go.

705
00:44:29,100 --> 00:44:30,520
-Judo chop.
-Oh, he's good.

706
00:44:30,690 --> 00:44:31,940
Judo chop.

707
00:44:32,610 --> 00:44:33,980
Do you know who I am?

708
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,730
Have you any idea
how many anonymous henchmen...

709
00:44:36,900 --> 00:44:39,360
...I've killed over the years?
And look at you.

710
00:44:39,530 --> 00:44:42,530
You haven't even got a nametag.
You got no chance.

711
00:44:42,700 --> 00:44:44,160
Why don't you just fall down?

712
00:44:44,330 --> 00:44:46,240
Go on, son.

713
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:51,620
All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up
while you've still got a chance.

714
00:44:53,380 --> 00:44:56,340
Okay. Okay. You've got me.

715
00:44:56,500 --> 00:44:58,880
Nigel Powers, meet...

716
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,550
...Mini Me.
-Oh, blimey.

717
00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:03,050
l thought l smelled cabbage.

718
00:45:04,220 --> 00:45:05,390
Take him away.

719
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,560
Uh, Dr. Evil, can l paint his yoo-hoo gold?

720
00:45:09,730 --> 00:45:12,390
It’s kind of my thing, you know.

721
00:45:18,070 --> 00:45:21,490
How about no, you crazy Dutch bastard?

722
00:45:23,780 --> 00:45:25,950
<i>Attention, henchmen, it's health week.</i>

723
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,740
Don't forget your physical.
Dr. Evil's orders.

724
00:45:32,830 --> 00:45:35,830
You know, l think it's a shame
the way they treat you.

725
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,590
Just because
you're one-eighth their size...

726
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,760
...doesn't mean you deserve
one-eighth of their respect.

727
00:45:42,430 --> 00:45:44,050
Does it?

728
00:45:44,220 --> 00:45:46,930
Say, mini-fella, I'm, uh...

729
00:45:47,100 --> 00:45:48,930
...I'm curious.

730
00:45:49,430 --> 00:45:52,770
Is, uh, everything in proportion?

731
00:45:54,270 --> 00:45:56,940
You know, your bobby-dangler,
your general, two colonels...

732
00:45:57,110 --> 00:45:59,360
...your giggle stick, master of ceremonies.

733
00:46:00,690 --> 00:46:02,940
Yeah. Oh, don't be shy. Let's have a look.

734
00:46:08,580 --> 00:46:10,290
My word.

735
00:46:10,450 --> 00:46:11,950
You're a tripod.

736
00:46:13,710 --> 00:46:17,580
What do you feed that thing, eh?
It’s like a baby's arm holding an apple.

737
00:46:19,250 --> 00:46:23,470
The good news is, you ever get tired,
you can use it as a kickstand.

738
00:46:28,720 --> 00:46:32,560
l think we both know who the real brains is
behind this operation, eh?

739
00:46:32,730 --> 00:46:33,770
Mm-hm.

740
00:46:47,820 --> 00:46:50,780
Tokyo Ã  gogo, baby. Yeah.

741
00:46:52,620 --> 00:46:54,250
Oh, what's kicking, Basil?

742
00:46:54,410 --> 00:46:57,170
A lot's kicking, Foxxy. Austin...

743
00:46:57,330 --> 00:47:01,590
...one of Dr. Evil's henchmen
has been spotted at the Asahi Sumo Arena.

744
00:47:01,750 --> 00:47:03,670
Proceed there immediately.

745
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:05,170
Thanks, Basil.

746
00:47:11,390 --> 00:47:16,140
Ah, Jesus Christ.
This diaper's making my nuts rub together.

747
00:47:16,310 --> 00:47:19,190
It’s gonna start a fire.

748
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,110
That's Fat Bastard.

749
00:47:21,270 --> 00:47:25,030
...Fat Bastard.

750
00:47:37,540 --> 00:47:39,880
You know what my favorite
Helen Hunt movie is?

751
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:41,040
Twister.

752
00:47:47,340 --> 00:47:48,720
Oh!

753
00:47:48,890 --> 00:47:51,390
Fat Bastard...

754
00:47:53,060 --> 00:47:55,350
-That's not right.
-Sure ain't.

755
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:57,350
Are we done here?

756
00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:59,690
I’ve got to take a crap.

757
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:02,770
Wait a tick.

758
00:48:02,940 --> 00:48:05,030
Something doesn't smell right.

759
00:48:05,190 --> 00:48:07,740
And l think it's Fat Bastard.

760
00:48:07,900 --> 00:48:12,320
On top of spaghetti

761
00:48:12,490 --> 00:48:16,080
All covered in-- Ahh! --cheese

762
00:48:17,250 --> 00:48:21,500
I lost my poor meatball

763
00:48:21,670 --> 00:48:23,000
'Cause somebody--

764
00:48:25,460 --> 00:48:30,050
-You okay, Austin?
-Sound as a pound, love. Yeah. Good.

765
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:34,180
What the--? I didn't have any corn.

766
00:48:38,430 --> 00:48:40,100
Aah!

767
00:48:49,030 --> 00:48:50,450
Hey, diaper lady.

768
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:52,740
Here's my diaper.

769
00:48:54,410 --> 00:48:56,540
l think l might have pinched one off
too soon.

770
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:02,370
Oh, l left a rosebud in there for you.

771
00:49:11,720 --> 00:49:14,470
You really are a fat bastard.

772
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,970
You know, that hurts my feelings.
l tried going on a diet, you know.

773
00:49:18,140 --> 00:49:21,640
The Zone. You know,
"carbs are the enemy"?

774
00:49:22,230 --> 00:49:24,310
We don't like carbs,
you know what I mean?

775
00:49:24,650 --> 00:49:25,860
Oh.

776
00:49:27,530 --> 00:49:28,900
Who's your friend?

777
00:49:30,150 --> 00:49:32,650
Oh, I'd like to have a go with that filly.

778
00:49:32,820 --> 00:49:35,370
Oh, do you find me sexy?

779
00:49:35,530 --> 00:49:37,410
Oh, look at my titties.

780
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:42,330
-Shut your mouth.
-Mm, yeah.

781
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:44,420
All right, that's enough.

782
00:49:44,580 --> 00:49:46,590
Okay, you got me.

783
00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:48,170
-Put it there, would you?
-Okay.

784
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:55,090
Come here, you.

785
00:49:55,890 --> 00:49:58,350
Ow, my titties!

786
00:49:58,510 --> 00:50:00,680
Ow, you gave me a nurple.

787
00:50:06,310 --> 00:50:08,360
I’ve got you now, ha-ha-ha.

788
00:50:09,530 --> 00:50:10,690
Come here, you.

789
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,700
Prepare for the ultimate
wire-fighting maneuver.

790
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:25,290
l just hope my wire-fighting team
is ready.

791
00:50:28,170 --> 00:50:30,050
Whoa!

792
00:50:45,310 --> 00:50:47,480
-Crikey.
-Oh, great.

793
00:50:47,650 --> 00:50:49,480
Isn’t this magical?

794
00:50:49,650 --> 00:50:51,360
One of my wires broke.

795
00:50:59,030 --> 00:51:00,530
You under arrest, sugar.

796
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:06,080
Okay, Fat Bastard, who's the Japanese cat
you made an exchange with?

797
00:51:06,250 --> 00:51:08,420
Oh, all right.

798
00:51:08,830 --> 00:51:11,040
His name is Roboto.

799
00:51:11,210 --> 00:51:13,340
He owns Roboto Industries.

800
00:51:13,510 --> 00:51:18,180
He's designing some contraption
for Dr. Evil. l don't know.

801
00:51:18,340 --> 00:51:19,930
The tractor beam.

802
00:51:20,100 --> 00:51:21,350
That's it.
-Listen...

803
00:51:21,510 --> 00:51:24,520
...do you honestly think
that crime can pay?

804
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,600
Well, to be honest with you,
I’ve been trying to go legit.

805
00:51:28,270 --> 00:51:31,400
l really take my sumo wrestling
seriously, you know.

806
00:51:32,780 --> 00:51:35,820
But when you're an overweight child...

807
00:51:35,990 --> 00:51:39,660
...in a society that demands perfection...

808
00:51:40,490 --> 00:51:42,950
...well, your sense of right, wrong...

809
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:45,660
...fair and unfair...

810
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:50,460
...will always be tragically skewed.

811
00:51:55,460 --> 00:51:57,800
Did you just soil yourself?

812
00:51:57,970 --> 00:52:00,430
Maybe, heh-heh-heh.

813
00:52:00,590 --> 00:52:03,300
It did sound a little wet, didn't it?
Right at the end.

814
00:52:03,470 --> 00:52:04,720
Ooh. Ha-ha-ha.

815
00:52:04,890 --> 00:52:06,270
Let's have a smell, all right?

816
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:08,980
Ooh, wafting, wafting.

817
00:52:09,150 --> 00:52:12,730
Oh, everyone likes their own brand,
don't they? This is magic.

818
00:52:12,900 --> 00:52:14,610
All right, analysis:

819
00:52:14,780 --> 00:52:17,820
Oh, it smells Like carrots and throw-up.

820
00:52:17,990 --> 00:52:19,990
Oh, that could gag a maggot.

821
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:24,660
l smell Like hot, sick ass
in a dead carcass.

822
00:52:25,370 --> 00:52:28,960
Oh, even stink would say that stinks.

823
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,330
You know when you go
into an apartment building...

824
00:52:31,500 --> 00:52:34,170
...and you smell other people's cooking
on each floor and you go:

825
00:52:34,340 --> 00:52:37,590
"What are they cooking?" That, plus crap.

826
00:52:45,390 --> 00:52:47,270
-Hey, Pop.
-Hey, Scotty.

827
00:52:47,430 --> 00:52:49,020
How you been, sport?

828
00:52:49,190 --> 00:52:50,690
Whoa!

829
00:52:50,850 --> 00:52:52,150
l got you a present.

830
00:52:52,310 --> 00:52:53,650
Really?

831
00:52:53,810 --> 00:52:56,190
-Open the tank.
-Open the tank!

832
00:53:02,820 --> 00:53:06,530
Are those sharks with laser beams
attached to their heads?

833
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,750
Cool. You mean l actually have
fricking sharks...

834
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:17,380
...with fricking Laser beams
attached to their fricking heads?

835
00:53:18,010 --> 00:53:21,170
You're the best evil son
an evil dad could ever ask for.

836
00:53:23,590 --> 00:53:24,640
Well, l love you, Dad.

837
00:53:28,220 --> 00:53:29,470
l love you, son.

838
00:53:31,230 --> 00:53:32,440
It’s touching moment, yes.

839
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,020
Scotty, come here.

840
00:53:35,980 --> 00:53:38,150
Pop a squat right next to Daddy.

841
00:53:40,740 --> 00:53:41,950
Mini Me?

842
00:53:42,490 --> 00:53:44,490
Move down the bench.

843
00:53:45,990 --> 00:53:47,410
Move down the bench.

844
00:53:47,580 --> 00:53:48,990
There's a power struggle, yes.

845
00:53:54,420 --> 00:53:56,750
Scotty's on fire.

846
00:53:58,590 --> 00:54:00,380
All right, it's getting crowded in here.

847
00:54:00,550 --> 00:54:02,760
Everyone out, everyone out. Come on.

848
00:54:02,930 --> 00:54:05,050
Not you, Scotty. Not you, Number Two.

849
00:54:05,220 --> 00:54:06,890
Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember.

850
00:54:07,050 --> 00:54:08,390
Not you, guys back there.

851
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,600
Not you, Henchman Holding Wrench.

852
00:54:10,770 --> 00:54:12,770
Not you,
Henchman Arbitrarily Turning Knobs...

853
00:54:12,940 --> 00:54:14,940
...Making It Seem Like
You're Doing Something.

854
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:29,950
Oh, this is uncomfortable.

855
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:32,790
Heh, heh. The tiny one can't take a hint.
Heh-heh-heh.

856
00:54:33,910 --> 00:54:36,460
He doesn't understand.
He is small, heh, heh.

857
00:54:54,060 --> 00:54:56,270
Hello, Foxxy. Austin.

858
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,940
We've confirmed what Fat Bastard told you
about Roboto is accurate.

859
00:55:00,110 --> 00:55:03,480
He was hired by Dr. Evil
to construct Preparation H.

860
00:55:03,650 --> 00:55:07,740
So Roboto had the technology
to build Goldmember's tractor beam.

861
00:55:07,910 --> 00:55:09,780
Which means Roboto
will lead us to Goldmember.

862
00:55:09,950 --> 00:55:13,040
Which means Goldmember
will lead us to my father.

863
00:55:25,420 --> 00:55:28,510
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. I thank you.

864
00:55:34,020 --> 00:55:36,100
-You speak Japanese?
-A little.

865
00:55:36,270 --> 00:55:38,940
Well, you might be a cunning linguist,
but I’m a master debater.

866
00:55:42,690 --> 00:55:44,940
I’m looking for my father.
He was kidnapped.

867
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:51,990
Please eat what?

868
00:55:52,410 --> 00:55:53,740
Wait.

869
00:55:54,660 --> 00:55:58,370
He said,
"Please eat some shitake mushrooms."

870
00:55:58,540 --> 00:56:00,330
Tell me...

871
00:56:00,500 --> 00:56:01,960
...what do you know...

872
00:56:02,130 --> 00:56:05,710
...about my father's where...

873
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:10,180
...abouts?

874
00:56:10,340 --> 00:56:11,680
Mm.

875
00:56:15,470 --> 00:56:17,730
"Your ass is happy"?

876
00:56:17,890 --> 00:56:19,230
No.

877
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,820
He said,
"Your assignment is an unhappy one."

878
00:56:24,980 --> 00:56:26,280
Oh.

879
00:56:29,150 --> 00:56:31,740
Nice potty mouth, dirtbag.

880
00:56:33,740 --> 00:56:34,870
Oh.

881
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,830
Yes, quite off topic,
thank you very much.

882
00:56:40,670 --> 00:56:42,880
Why don't I just speak in English?

883
00:56:44,090 --> 00:56:46,090
That would be a good idea,
now, wouldn't it?

884
00:56:46,260 --> 00:56:48,260
That way l wouldn't
misread the subtitles...

885
00:56:48,420 --> 00:56:51,590
...making it seem like
you're saying things that are dirty.

886
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:54,930
I’m sorry to hear about your father,
but l can't help you.

887
00:56:56,770 --> 00:56:59,100
Please excuse me.
l have another appointment.

888
00:57:05,110 --> 00:57:06,320
By the way...

889
00:57:11,700 --> 00:57:15,030
-Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
-Tell me something l don't know.

890
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,450
-l open-mouth kissed a horse once.
-Say what?

891
00:57:17,620 --> 00:57:19,040
That's something you don't know.

892
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,120
My spider sense is telling me
that my father's still in this building.

893
00:57:22,290 --> 00:57:25,630
You keep a lookout.
I’m gonna try and sneak in.

894
00:58:29,820 --> 00:58:31,820
Mm.

895
00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:49,750
Come on, come on, come on.

896
00:59:08,730 --> 00:59:09,900
Judo chop!

897
00:59:36,010 --> 00:59:37,930
Shazam!

898
00:59:38,090 --> 00:59:39,430
Come on, sugar.

899
00:59:44,470 --> 00:59:47,270
-There's Goldmember and Roboto.
-Yes, very impressive.

900
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:50,100
Put Preparation H
into my schtuppen transporten.

901
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:56,400
-What's this?
-You need this to turn on the tractor beam.

902
00:59:56,570 --> 00:59:58,280
It’s a gold key.

903
00:59:58,450 --> 00:59:59,860
It’s gold.

904
01:00:00,820 --> 01:00:02,160
Smarty-pants.

905
01:00:02,330 --> 01:00:04,450
-Let's spread out.
-Yeah.

906
01:00:08,870 --> 01:00:11,330
Hands up, Goldmember.
It’s payback time.

907
01:00:12,710 --> 01:00:14,130
Sure, you can kill me...

908
01:00:14,300 --> 01:00:18,050
...but then what happens
to Austin Powers' father?

909
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:27,850
-Dad.
-Yes.

910
01:00:28,020 --> 01:00:31,310
And now he's going to have
an unfortunate smelting accident.

911
01:00:38,490 --> 01:00:40,320
-Hiya!
-Unh!

912
01:00:40,490 --> 01:00:43,070
Don't worry, Dad. I’m here to rescue you.

913
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:47,580
Ow! May l point out that last time around,
you fell into an obvious trap.

914
01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:50,160
Now you're trying to save me
instead of stopping Goldmember.

915
01:00:50,330 --> 01:00:53,170
Oh, please. I’m not gonna
let Goldmember get away.

916
01:00:53,340 --> 01:00:55,340
Austin, Goldmember's getting away.

917
01:00:55,500 --> 01:00:56,840
Ah.

918
01:01:01,510 --> 01:01:05,350
Hello, hello.
Aren't you going to introduce us, Austin?

919
01:01:05,510 --> 01:01:07,810
-Foxxy, this is--
-Powers. Nigel Powers.

920
01:01:08,930 --> 01:01:12,440
-Is that Eau de Flores you're wearing?
-Yes, it is.

921
01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:13,980
That's how a woman should smell.

922
01:01:14,150 --> 01:01:16,360
Especially one as beautiful as you.

923
01:01:16,530 --> 01:01:20,440
My, my. Even in the face of danger,
you live up to your reputation.

924
01:01:23,370 --> 01:01:24,530
Get on with it.

925
01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:30,710
I’ve got an idea.

926
01:01:35,210 --> 01:01:36,880
Your spy car's a MINI?

927
01:01:37,050 --> 01:01:40,050
It’s not the size, mate,
it's how you use it.

928
01:02:03,530 --> 01:02:05,320
l would've found my way off that.

929
01:02:05,490 --> 01:02:07,490
Fellas.
-What? I saved your life.

930
01:02:07,660 --> 01:02:10,200
-You should've been doing your job.
-Oh, you're welcome, man.

931
01:02:10,370 --> 01:02:12,370
Shut up and turn around, please!

932
01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:43,150
Run! It’s Godzilla!

933
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,910
It looks Like Godzilla, but due to
international copyright laws, it's not.

934
01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:49,450
Still, we should run Like it is Godzilla!

935
01:02:49,620 --> 01:02:50,870
Though it isn't.

936
01:02:56,460 --> 01:02:57,790
There's Goldmember.

937
01:03:04,130 --> 01:03:06,300
<i>Breaker, breaker, 1-niner.</i>

938
01:03:06,470 --> 01:03:08,300
This is Goldy-Wang. Over.

939
01:03:08,470 --> 01:03:09,970
10-4, there, Goldy-Wang.

940
01:03:10,140 --> 01:03:12,470
This is Rubber Ducky.
What's your 10-20? Over.

941
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:16,440
I’ve got Preparation H in my rear
and Smokey the Bear in my back door.

942
01:03:16,650 --> 01:03:18,900
We've got us a convoy. Over.

943
01:03:19,060 --> 01:03:22,820
Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch
pile of monkey nuts.

944
01:03:23,530 --> 01:03:25,860
<i>Open wide there, Rubber Ducky.</i>

945
01:03:26,030 --> 01:03:28,530
I am entering your mouth now. Over.

946
01:03:34,790 --> 01:03:38,500
Oh, great. Goldmember got away.
-Now what?

947
01:03:38,670 --> 01:03:41,460
l think it's obvious.
We should take Dr. Evil's lair by force.

948
01:03:41,630 --> 01:03:44,050
-You can be my backup, son.
-Backup?

949
01:03:44,210 --> 01:03:46,130
Well, that's fairly condescending.

950
01:03:46,300 --> 01:03:48,380
Do you think Dr. Evil's
gonna expect an attack?

951
01:03:48,550 --> 01:03:50,390
We should infiltrate his lair.

952
01:03:50,550 --> 01:03:53,180
This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.

953
01:03:53,350 --> 01:03:57,350
We need commandos, scuba,
gadgets, for God's sake.

954
01:03:57,520 --> 01:03:59,850
Well, l don't like to use gadgets...

955
01:04:00,020 --> 01:04:02,150
...outside the bedroom. I thank you.

956
01:04:05,030 --> 01:04:06,110
Outside the bedroom.

957
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:09,700
You know, l think being frozen
damaged your brain.

958
01:04:10,530 --> 01:04:12,990
Really? And how would you know?

959
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:16,830
This is the most time
that we've ever spent together since...

960
01:04:17,330 --> 01:04:18,370
...ever.

961
01:04:18,540 --> 01:04:20,620
-What are you saying, son?
-Oh, please.

962
01:04:20,790 --> 01:04:23,710
What boy learned to drive a car
with machine guns on it?

963
01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:26,880
Or had a helicopter
you can fit in a knapsack?

964
01:04:27,050 --> 01:04:29,050
What about your Swedish nanny, Helga?

965
01:04:30,510 --> 01:04:31,550
Oh, yes. Helga.

966
01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:33,550
Let's say I didn't hire her for the cooking.

967
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:35,310
-Ha-ha-ha.
-Ha-ha-ha. Oh, yes.

968
01:04:35,470 --> 01:04:37,140
She stayed on until you were 24.

969
01:04:39,060 --> 01:04:40,640
We were mates, you and l.

970
01:04:40,810 --> 01:04:44,020
l didn't need a friend, I needed a father.

971
01:04:44,900 --> 01:04:47,070
Do you know l risked my life
trying to save you...

972
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:49,700
...and you still don't give me any respect.

973
01:04:49,860 --> 01:04:54,160
Respect? Oh, come on.
lf you've got an issue, here’s a tissue.

974
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:05,340
That is not funny.

975
01:05:06,250 --> 01:05:08,760
Well, l suppose we better go
our separate ways, then.

976
01:05:10,630 --> 01:05:16,560
Fine.

977
01:05:27,440 --> 01:05:30,900
So I've been assigned to welcome you
to the Ministry of Defence.

978
01:05:31,070 --> 01:05:34,530
l have a letter from my director
personally thanking you for switching sides.

979
01:05:42,830 --> 01:05:45,080
l can't wait to inform Austin
of your defection.

980
01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:51,800
Oh, hello, Basil.

981
01:05:51,970 --> 01:05:54,800
Yes, Austin should be here
any second. Yes.

982
01:05:55,390 --> 01:05:57,810
Yes, I'm in Austin’s hotel room right now.
Mm-hm.

983
01:06:04,270 --> 01:06:06,310
-Aah!
-Oh-- Uh--

984
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:08,480
-Assassin!
-Eek!

985
01:06:11,150 --> 01:06:13,070
Try to kill me, will you?

986
01:06:16,070 --> 01:06:17,950
Oh, you want to be friends, huh?

987
01:06:19,620 --> 01:06:21,250
Wait a tick.

988
01:06:22,580 --> 01:06:23,910
Peace?

989
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:25,120
Oh!

990
01:06:25,290 --> 01:06:27,130
I’m not falling for that again.

991
01:06:36,470 --> 01:06:38,680
But at least he didn't mention it.

992
01:06:38,850 --> 01:06:41,180
Yes, I realize he can't talk.

993
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:45,350
Listen, l think Dr. Evil treated him badly
and that's why he's decided to help us.

994
01:06:51,360 --> 01:06:53,610
Come back here, you little bugger.

995
01:06:54,740 --> 01:06:55,860
Got you.

996
01:06:59,160 --> 01:07:01,790
Oh, yes, I’m sure Austin and Mini
will get along famously.

997
01:07:03,370 --> 01:07:06,460
No, l guarantee nothing will happen
to Mini Me on my watch.

998
01:07:10,710 --> 01:07:13,550
Come on, you bugger.
Come on, I got you.

999
01:07:17,840 --> 01:07:23,220
Oh, l think he and Austin will be united
in their commitment to stopping Dr. Evil.

1000
01:07:27,310 --> 01:07:30,860
Austin, there you are.
I’ve come to tell you the good news.

1001
01:07:34,900 --> 01:07:36,900
Mini Me has...

1002
01:07:37,740 --> 01:07:38,740
...switched sides.

1003
01:07:39,410 --> 01:07:42,240
Ah! Oh. Heh.

1004
01:07:42,410 --> 01:07:46,870
Sorry about that, old chap. Sorry.
You know. Sorry.

1005
01:07:47,040 --> 01:07:49,500
Welcome aboard, heh-heh-heh.

1006
01:07:49,670 --> 01:07:52,170
-My "mole-stake."
-What was that?

1007
01:07:53,210 --> 01:07:56,420
-Listen, just get it out of your system.
-No, I’m fine.

1008
01:07:56,590 --> 01:07:58,590
-We could work together better if--
-It’s okay--

1009
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:00,470
Mole! Bloody mole!

1010
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:04,770
We're not supposed to talk about the mole,
but there's a mole winking me in the face.

1011
01:08:04,930 --> 01:08:09,190
I’m gonna chop it off and cut it up
and make some guacamole.

1012
01:08:11,270 --> 01:08:13,690
-Better?
-Yeah. Yes.

1013
01:08:27,870 --> 01:08:31,040
So you've decided to join us,
huh, Mini Me?

1014
01:08:31,210 --> 01:08:33,460
Welcome to the good side,
my mini-brother.

1015
01:08:33,630 --> 01:08:36,630
And thank you for the map
of Dr. Evil's sub.

1016
01:08:38,130 --> 01:08:39,800
What's this? It says:

1017
01:08:39,970 --> 01:08:43,430
"Dr. Evil's tractor beam is now complete.
There's not much time.

1018
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,140
Dr. Evil must pay."

1019
01:08:49,770 --> 01:08:52,940
"You are so beautiful.
Are you a clone of an angel?"

1020
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:58,440
That is so sweet.
Well, no, my mini-man, I'm not.

1021
01:09:01,740 --> 01:09:03,990
"Are you sure you don't have
a little clone in you?"

1022
01:09:05,330 --> 01:09:06,740
Yeah, I'm sure.

1023
01:09:06,950 --> 01:09:08,200
"Would you like to?"

1024
01:09:11,830 --> 01:09:13,750
Horny bugger.

1025
01:09:13,920 --> 01:09:15,960
That is so not funny.

1026
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:18,760
Okay, everyone, prepare to dive.

1027
01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:21,430
This spy car's also a submarine.

1028
01:09:36,690 --> 01:09:39,190
Get me the World Organization.

1029
01:09:41,570 --> 01:09:42,860
What is it, Dr. Evil?

1030
01:09:43,030 --> 01:09:44,490
Gentlemen, in a matter of hours...

1031
01:09:44,660 --> 01:09:48,540
...a meteor will crash into Earth,
causing a global flood.

1032
01:09:48,700 --> 01:09:50,830
That is, of course, unless you pay me...

1033
01:09:52,540 --> 01:09:54,000
...one billion...

1034
01:09:59,880 --> 01:10:02,170
...million yen.

1035
01:10:02,340 --> 01:10:04,050
l think you're bluffing.

1036
01:10:04,220 --> 01:10:08,220
Well, perhaps you'd like a demonstration.
Number Two, the key, please.

1037
01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:32,250
Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing.

1038
01:10:32,410 --> 01:10:34,410
One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.

1039
01:10:34,580 --> 01:10:37,000
-Which one?
-It's the one that looks like a pair of--

1040
01:10:37,170 --> 01:10:40,420
Melons. Big, juicy melons.

1041
01:10:40,590 --> 01:10:42,590
Are they nice and firm?

1042
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:44,590
Well, what do you think?

1043
01:10:44,760 --> 01:10:47,510
Look at that. It looks like a set of giant--

1044
01:10:49,430 --> 01:10:53,270
-Hey, "A" and "N," you're late.
-How we doing? We're back.

1045
01:10:53,430 --> 01:10:55,770
Go, Titans!

1046
01:10:55,940 --> 01:10:58,360
Check it out. Those remind me of--

1047
01:10:58,520 --> 01:11:00,860
-Boobs.
-Boobs, Ozzy?

1048
01:11:01,030 --> 01:11:05,450
-These filmmakers are ****ing boobs.
-What do you mean, Dad?

1049
01:11:05,610 --> 01:11:10,200
They're using the same ****ing joke
as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.

1050
01:11:10,370 --> 01:11:12,790
-What ****ing joke?
-You know, the ****ing joke...

1051
01:11:12,950 --> 01:11:15,460
...about the long smooth rocket
that looks like some guy's--

1052
01:11:15,620 --> 01:11:17,460
-Johnson.
-Yes, sir.

1053
01:11:17,630 --> 01:11:21,300
-Any sign of that satellite?
-No, sir. It's gone.

1054
01:11:21,460 --> 01:11:25,010
Gentlemen, you have my demands.
Peace out.

1055
01:11:59,580 --> 01:12:02,290
Cor, baby. You look very switched on.

1056
01:12:03,670 --> 01:12:05,380
Thank you, Austin.

1057
01:12:05,550 --> 01:12:06,880
Uh--

1058
01:12:08,510 --> 01:12:11,800
No, Mini Me. Off. Bad. Mustn't.
No humping.

1059
01:12:14,180 --> 01:12:17,100
Dr. Evil, in light of the success
of the device...

1060
01:12:17,270 --> 01:12:19,690
...it is Japanese custom
that l receive a bonus.

1061
01:12:21,110 --> 01:12:23,860
A bonus? Ha-ha-ha. That's good.

1062
01:12:24,030 --> 01:12:25,690
Yeah, that's awesome.

1063
01:12:25,860 --> 01:12:28,360
Throw me a fricking bonus here.
Ha-ha-ha.

1064
01:12:31,370 --> 01:12:34,200
Oh, l haven't laughed that hard
since l was a little girl. Thank you.

1065
01:12:34,370 --> 01:12:36,580
-Hmm.
-Oh.

1066
01:12:36,750 --> 01:12:38,040
You're not joking.

1067
01:12:38,210 --> 01:12:40,370
No. In fact,
if you don't give me the bonus--

1068
01:12:40,540 --> 01:12:42,670
Hey, Dad.
-Hey, Scotty. How are you, sport?

1069
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:44,500
Whoa!

1070
01:12:50,970 --> 01:12:53,140
-Why don't you let me take care of this?
-Okay.

1071
01:13:04,230 --> 01:13:05,400
Ugh.

1072
01:13:05,570 --> 01:13:07,030
He's got a good evil laugh.

1073
01:13:08,530 --> 01:13:09,860
Get along.

1074
01:13:10,030 --> 01:13:11,200
Scotty!

1075
01:13:11,990 --> 01:13:16,200
Scotty.

1076
01:13:16,370 --> 01:13:19,160
Take it down a notch.

1077
01:13:20,420 --> 01:13:21,580
It’s creeping a bit.

1078
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,670
Let's go.

1079
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:29,380
We'll need a disguise.

1080
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:32,430
There's only one uniform.

1081
01:13:33,340 --> 01:13:36,600
One of us has to go on
the other one's shoulders.

1082
01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:52,150
Hey there, buddy. How's it going?
Good to see you.

1083
01:13:52,320 --> 01:13:55,280
Yeah. Yeah. Hi.

1084
01:13:56,780 --> 01:13:59,290
How are you? Just getting my sea legs.
Sorry about that.

1085
01:13:59,450 --> 01:14:00,790
Hello. You all right?

1086
01:14:00,960 --> 01:14:04,000
Yes, it's a good hat. Very good hat.

1087
01:14:05,210 --> 01:14:07,290
Come on, Mini Me. Let's go.

1088
01:14:08,300 --> 01:14:10,590
Hold it right there, mister.

1089
01:14:13,090 --> 01:14:16,300
Did you really think
you could get away with this?

1090
01:14:16,470 --> 01:14:18,640
l did, actually. Yes.

1091
01:14:18,810 --> 01:14:20,890
Every new recruit must have a physical.

1092
01:14:21,850 --> 01:14:23,600
Now get in here, sailor.

1093
01:14:23,770 --> 01:14:26,860
I’m going to need a urine sampIe.

1094
01:14:28,570 --> 01:14:29,820
Okay.

1095
01:14:33,990 --> 01:14:35,740
No.
-I don't know.

1096
01:14:36,990 --> 01:14:39,990
Okay, then. Um....

1097
01:14:44,830 --> 01:14:46,210
Okay.

1098
01:14:55,300 --> 01:14:56,590
Hello.

1099
01:15:03,060 --> 01:15:05,810
And here we go.

1100
01:15:06,310 --> 01:15:07,650
Sorry.

1101
01:15:07,810 --> 01:15:10,270
Right. There you go. Right.

1102
01:15:11,860 --> 01:15:13,110
Ah, yes.
-Terrific.

1103
01:15:13,280 --> 01:15:15,360
Yes, good. Okay.

1104
01:15:15,530 --> 01:15:19,280
All right, sailor, go behind that screen...

1105
01:15:19,490 --> 01:15:21,330
...and strip down to your skivvies.

1106
01:15:21,490 --> 01:15:24,700
All right, then. I’ll just go to that screen...

1107
01:15:25,500 --> 01:15:28,420
...which is over there.

1108
01:15:32,130 --> 01:15:33,800
Right behind that screen.

1109
01:15:35,130 --> 01:15:36,470
Next.

1110
01:15:38,300 --> 01:15:40,390
Come on, hurry. The map.

1111
01:15:40,970 --> 01:15:43,060
Okay, what's our plan?

1112
01:15:45,390 --> 01:15:47,810
-I’m going to need a urine sample.
-Okay.

1113
01:15:47,980 --> 01:15:49,560
Which way to the main chamber?

1114
01:16:08,250 --> 01:16:11,170
Okay, so.... Oh, sure.

1115
01:16:13,550 --> 01:16:15,340
Oh.

1116
01:16:23,220 --> 01:16:26,520
-Excuse me, doctor?
-It’s difficult in public, isn't it?

1117
01:16:34,780 --> 01:16:37,280
Mini Me, our shadows.
We're casting a shadow.

1118
01:16:37,450 --> 01:16:39,200
What's wrong, sailor?

1119
01:16:39,410 --> 01:16:41,570
You should check that guy out.

1120
01:16:47,620 --> 01:16:49,040
What the hell's going on here?

1121
01:16:52,460 --> 01:16:53,880
Hands up.

1122
01:16:55,920 --> 01:16:58,800
You heard me. l said, hands up.
Both of you.

1123
01:17:07,640 --> 01:17:09,140
Oh.

1124
01:17:11,650 --> 01:17:14,650
-Come with me.
-Mini Me, the map. Go.

1125
01:17:16,980 --> 01:17:19,780
Okay. You got me.

1126
01:17:31,080 --> 01:17:32,330
Are you all right, little man?

1127
01:17:32,500 --> 01:17:34,000
Uh-huh.

1128
01:17:36,750 --> 01:17:38,260
Right on.

1129
01:17:55,020 --> 01:17:56,610
Mr. Powers.

1130
01:17:56,770 --> 01:17:58,360
Before l kill you...

1131
01:17:58,530 --> 01:18:01,990
...perhaps you'd like to see
the genius of my plan.

1132
01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:05,660
Key, please.

1133
01:18:09,790 --> 01:18:13,040
What the--? Who? But how? Where? Huh?

1134
01:18:15,420 --> 01:18:16,880
-Looking for this?
-Huh?

1135
01:18:19,210 --> 01:18:21,010
-Mini Me?
-All right...

1136
01:18:21,170 --> 01:18:24,930
...everybody drop your guns,
because Foxxy Cleopatra's in the sub.

1137
01:18:25,090 --> 01:18:28,220
Smashing, Foxxy. Yeah.

1138
01:18:30,430 --> 01:18:32,560
Unh!
-Here, sugar.

1139
01:18:33,190 --> 01:18:34,730
All right, Dr. Evil.

1140
01:18:34,900 --> 01:18:37,650
It’s finally come down to this.

1141
01:18:38,230 --> 01:18:41,860
You, me and a gun.

1142
01:18:44,450 --> 01:18:46,530
What are you going to do now, Austin?

1143
01:18:48,580 --> 01:18:50,200
Dad?

1144
01:18:50,540 --> 01:18:52,950
What are you doing here?

1145
01:18:53,120 --> 01:18:56,080
I’ve gotta finish this off once and for all.

1146
01:18:57,750 --> 01:19:00,300
I’m afraid you can't do that.

1147
01:19:00,760 --> 01:19:02,420
l have to protect my son.

1148
01:19:02,590 --> 01:19:04,590
Dad, I’m fine.

1149
01:19:04,760 --> 01:19:06,930
I’m not talking about you.

1150
01:19:07,890 --> 01:19:11,100
I’m talking about him.

1151
01:19:13,980 --> 01:19:15,520
What?

1152
01:19:15,770 --> 01:19:19,110
Dr. Evil's not your son, l am.

1153
01:19:19,570 --> 01:19:21,110
-You both are.
-Huh?!

1154
01:19:23,030 --> 01:19:24,280
What?

1155
01:19:25,280 --> 01:19:29,120
It was our first family holiday together.

1156
01:19:29,620 --> 01:19:31,620
Just as I was finishing a case...

1157
01:19:31,790 --> 01:19:34,950
...your mother brought the two of you
to Belgium.

1158
01:19:37,920 --> 01:19:41,460
I stopped to have a tinkle when the car....

1159
01:19:51,810 --> 01:19:56,230
But my parents died in a car accident.

1160
01:19:56,390 --> 01:19:58,480
It was no accident.

1161
01:19:58,900 --> 01:20:01,270
It was an assassination attempt.

1162
01:20:01,440 --> 01:20:03,860
I thought only Austin survived.

1163
01:20:04,030 --> 01:20:06,320
I should have told you the truth earlier...

1164
01:20:06,490 --> 01:20:09,320
...but those Belgians,
they made you so damn...

1165
01:20:09,490 --> 01:20:10,780
...evil.

1166
01:20:11,580 --> 01:20:15,250
And, of course, they share a border
with the Dutch.

1167
01:20:16,500 --> 01:20:20,170
Very interesting story, Mr. Powers.

1168
01:20:20,330 --> 01:20:23,630
Of course, I’m gonna have to wait
until l see all the facts.

1169
01:20:23,800 --> 01:20:25,420
Daddy.

1170
01:20:27,510 --> 01:20:29,510
Shh, Daddy's here, Dougie.

1171
01:20:29,680 --> 01:20:31,680
-Shh.
-Uh, "Dougie"?

1172
01:20:31,850 --> 01:20:33,760
-Dougie?
-Dougie. Remember, Dougie?

1173
01:20:33,930 --> 01:20:36,100
Dad, what's going on?

1174
01:20:39,850 --> 01:20:41,690
What are you going to do, Austin?

1175
01:20:55,200 --> 01:20:56,830
-Austin.
-Hmm?

1176
01:20:57,000 --> 01:20:58,830
Are you sure you can trust Dr. Evil?

1177
01:21:01,130 --> 01:21:03,040
He ain't heavy...

1178
01:21:03,380 --> 01:21:05,550
...he's my brother, baby. Yeah.

1179
01:21:08,550 --> 01:21:11,630
l should have told you this
so long ago, son.

1180
01:21:12,510 --> 01:21:14,010
-I’m very proud of you.
-Unh!

1181
01:21:15,890 --> 01:21:19,520
-Can you forgive me?
-l forgive you, Dad.

1182
01:21:26,360 --> 01:21:27,400
Come on.

1183
01:21:29,900 --> 01:21:31,240
Yes.

1184
01:21:40,750 --> 01:21:42,920
My two sons.

1185
01:21:43,500 --> 01:21:47,090
I’m Dougie. I’m Dougie.

1186
01:21:50,380 --> 01:21:52,050
Come on.

1187
01:21:53,090 --> 01:21:55,260
Oh, there you are.

1188
01:21:59,850 --> 01:22:01,350
Oh, come on.

1189
01:22:02,440 --> 01:22:05,060
l mean, first I’m not evil enough for you.

1190
01:22:05,230 --> 01:22:07,440
And now you're gonna turn good?

1191
01:22:07,610 --> 01:22:09,070
Listen, Scott.

1192
01:22:09,240 --> 01:22:10,860
You can spend your whole life...

1193
01:22:11,030 --> 01:22:14,070
...trying to win your parents' acceptance,
believe me.

1194
01:22:15,030 --> 01:22:18,620
But at the end of the day,
you've just gotta do it for yourself, baby.

1195
01:22:18,790 --> 01:22:20,120
That all I’ve gotta do?

1196
01:22:20,290 --> 01:22:21,450
Hey, Austin? Shh!

1197
01:22:22,290 --> 01:22:23,580
What?

1198
01:22:23,960 --> 01:22:25,420
l hate you.

1199
01:22:26,290 --> 01:22:28,630
l hate you. I hate you.

1200
01:22:29,880 --> 01:22:32,920
l don't even know you,
but l hate you too.

1201
01:22:33,090 --> 01:22:34,760
And l especially hate you.

1202
01:22:37,810 --> 01:22:39,010
You'll pay.

1203
01:22:39,640 --> 01:22:41,100
You'll all pay.

1204
01:22:45,230 --> 01:22:49,360
I'd like to point out that no one else
in my gene pool runs like a girl.

1205
01:22:49,530 --> 01:22:51,320
Not so fast, smarty-pants.

1206
01:22:52,820 --> 01:22:54,150
Dr. Evil...

1207
01:22:54,320 --> 01:22:59,450
...you might not want to destroy the world,
but l do.

1208
01:23:00,620 --> 01:23:03,410
Preparation H goes ahead as planned.

1209
01:23:03,580 --> 01:23:05,250
I’m going to flood the Earth.

1210
01:23:06,580 --> 01:23:07,750
Think again, Goldmember.

1211
01:23:08,340 --> 01:23:10,670
Ah, Foxxy Cleopatra.

1212
01:23:10,840 --> 01:23:15,590
It’s a shame l had to kill your partner.
Too bad for you.

1213
01:23:15,760 --> 01:23:19,680
Too bad for me?
How about too bad for you?

1214
01:23:19,850 --> 01:23:21,350
Oh, no.

1215
01:23:21,520 --> 01:23:25,180
No! No! No!

1216
01:23:25,350 --> 01:23:27,770
No....

1217
01:23:27,940 --> 01:23:29,940
Luckily, I keep a spare.

1218
01:23:37,950 --> 01:23:39,120
Look, everyone.

1219
01:23:39,280 --> 01:23:41,370
My winkie was a key.

1220
01:23:41,540 --> 01:23:43,490
Only a bloody Dutchman.

1221
01:23:43,660 --> 01:23:45,620
-Ha-ha-ha.
-You mine, sucker.

1222
01:23:49,040 --> 01:23:50,040
Yes.

1223
01:23:50,210 --> 01:23:51,880
Foxxy, I’m coming.

1224
01:23:52,300 --> 01:23:55,840
Nobody try anything stupid
or the shooting begins.

1225
01:23:56,010 --> 01:23:59,890
Austin. Take Dougie.
I’ll stay here and be your backup.

1226
01:24:00,050 --> 01:24:05,140
-Dougie, what do we do?
-I’m not a real "hands-on evil genius."

1227
01:24:05,310 --> 01:24:07,560
Think. You were always the smart one.

1228
01:24:07,730 --> 01:24:11,810
Uh, l could reroute the output capacitor
to the tractor beam...

1229
01:24:11,980 --> 01:24:14,530
...from one of the conduit boxes up there.

1230
01:24:14,690 --> 01:24:15,860
Come on, let's go.

1231
01:24:21,740 --> 01:24:24,580
Yes. The shooting begins.

1232
01:24:28,080 --> 01:24:29,420
Let me shoot.

1233
01:24:34,840 --> 01:24:36,210
You know, Dr. Evil...

1234
01:24:36,380 --> 01:24:39,260
-...l used to think you were crazy.
-l know.

1235
01:24:39,430 --> 01:24:42,970
But now l can see you're nuts.
l thank you.

1236
01:24:44,680 --> 01:24:45,810
Give me the gun.

1237
01:24:48,770 --> 01:24:50,100
Ow!

1238
01:25:00,530 --> 01:25:02,120
Hurry.

1239
01:25:05,620 --> 01:25:07,830
Father. Father. Father.
-Ow!

1240
01:25:08,460 --> 01:25:10,790
Father, can you hear me?

1241
01:25:10,960 --> 01:25:12,080
Father. Father.

1242
01:25:16,460 --> 01:25:17,630
Wow!

1243
01:25:22,970 --> 01:25:27,310
Well done, Austin.
He saved the world again.

1244
01:25:27,470 --> 01:25:29,430
Hey, yeah.

1245
01:25:29,600 --> 01:25:30,730
Thank you.

1246
01:25:30,890 --> 01:25:32,190
Right on.

1247
01:25:32,350 --> 01:25:35,770
-Austin, you did it.
-We did it.

1248
01:25:35,940 --> 01:25:37,980
Yeah, baby.

1249
01:25:39,650 --> 01:25:42,660
No? Just trying it on.

1250
01:25:44,580 --> 01:25:45,910
Goldmember?

1251
01:25:46,490 --> 01:25:47,990
You under arrest, sugar.

1252
01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:53,290
Hey, assholes.

1253
01:25:53,460 --> 01:25:58,000
Do l have time for a last smoke
and a pancake, or what?

1254
01:26:02,130 --> 01:26:06,300
I am from Holland. Isn't that weird?

1255
01:26:08,930 --> 01:26:10,060
Yeah.

1256
01:26:10,230 --> 01:26:12,440
Yes, well done.

1257
01:26:12,600 --> 01:26:14,650
Good on you, man.

1258
01:26:18,690 --> 01:26:19,690
Thank you.

1259
01:26:35,460 --> 01:26:36,460
Yes.

1260
01:26:38,590 --> 01:26:40,460
Hey, Powers.

1261
01:26:43,180 --> 01:26:47,010
Fat Bastard? But you're not fat anymore.

1262
01:26:47,180 --> 01:26:50,680
l went on the Subway diet.
You know, just like Jared.

1263
01:26:50,850 --> 01:26:53,060
I've lost 180 pounds.

1264
01:26:53,230 --> 01:26:54,810
Congratulations, baby.

1265
01:26:54,980 --> 01:26:58,650
Thank you. l do have a little bit
of excess skin, though.

1266
01:26:58,820 --> 01:27:00,400
Bit of a problem here, yeah.

1267
01:27:00,570 --> 01:27:04,650
And unfortunately,
my neck does look like a vagina.

1268
01:27:07,320 --> 01:27:09,200
Austin! Austin!
-Over here.

1269
01:27:12,200 --> 01:27:13,620
Congratulations.
-Thank you.

1270
01:27:13,790 --> 01:27:15,580
Austin, you the boss!
-You all right?

1271
01:27:15,750 --> 01:27:18,170
Loved it!
-Okay.

1272
01:27:18,630 --> 01:27:19,840
Austin...

1273
01:27:20,590 --> 01:27:23,170
...thank you for everything.

1274
01:27:31,470 --> 01:27:32,770
Shazam.

1275
01:27:44,990 --> 01:27:48,410
I’m gonna get you, Austin Powers.

1276
01:28:20,230 --> 01:28:22,190
Well, they're using the same
****ing joke...

1277
01:28:22,360 --> 01:28:26,280
...as they did in the last Austin Powers
film-- Movie-- What was it?

1278
01:28:26,450 --> 01:28:28,110
Well, they're using the-- Well--

1279
01:28:28,280 --> 01:28:31,570
Well, they're using the same joke
that they did-- Oh.

1280
01:28:32,660 --> 01:28:34,700
What do l mean?
-Ha-ha-ha.

1281
01:28:34,870 --> 01:28:37,500
-Boobs, Ozzy.
-Stop, do that again.

1282
01:28:37,660 --> 01:28:39,080
You're starting to laugh.

1283
01:28:40,460 --> 01:28:44,000
Oh, don't start, Kelly,
or I'll put you back in the refrigerator.

1284
01:28:45,840 --> 01:28:46,840
One more.

1285
01:28:47,010 --> 01:28:48,720
-l don't like that.
-A little serious.

1286
01:28:48,880 --> 01:28:51,090
Don't make that noise, Sharon.
I’m getting turned on.

1287
01:28:51,260 --> 01:28:53,640
My testosterone is going dancing.

1288
01:28:54,850 --> 01:28:55,850
Get off me.

1289
01:29:00,940 --> 01:29:03,940
Is--? Is it true what they say about you?

1290
01:29:06,990 --> 01:29:09,950
Kickstand. Really?

1291
01:29:10,110 --> 01:29:13,530
Um, can I give you my cell phone number?

1292
01:29:13,700 --> 01:29:14,870
Please?

1293
01:29:17,290 --> 01:29:20,370
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt Bacharach.