1 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:09,250 [keys clacking] 2 00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:14,792 Okay, so what's the show? Let's just toss things out. 3 00:00:14,792 --> 00:00:17,000 - What if I'm the president? - Of what planet? 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,500 We'll take it slow. 5 00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:22,500 I will take it any way you want 6 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,834 to give it to me. 7 00:00:23,834 --> 00:00:25,875 [Beverly] You and Merc? 8 00:00:25,875 --> 00:00:26,834 In fact... 9 00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:29,000 [gasps] What's this? 10 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,709 I don't know what I'm gonna tell her. 11 00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:31,500 You're gonna tell her nothing. 12 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:33,166 That's what you're gonna tell her. 13 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,583 There's a reason "hug the messenger" 14 00:00:34,583 --> 00:00:36,333 is not an expression. 15 00:00:37,959 --> 00:00:39,417 Are you okay? 16 00:00:39,417 --> 00:00:40,792 Uh-huh. 17 00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:46,667 [keys clacking] 18 00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,792 [typewriter dings] 19 00:00:48,792 --> 00:00:51,917 [wind whooshing] 20 00:00:57,583 --> 00:00:59,583 ♪ quirky music ♪ 21 00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:05,458 ♪♪♪ 22 00:01:24,041 --> 00:01:27,125 [gunshot] 23 00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:34,750 ♪ quirky music ♪ 24 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:35,709 Hey. 25 00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:37,291 Oh, this is so nice. 26 00:01:37,291 --> 00:01:39,250 I can't remember the last time we were here. 27 00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:41,709 Or the last time I saw you in big-girl shoes. 28 00:01:41,709 --> 00:01:44,375 Oh, I know. 29 00:01:44,375 --> 00:01:45,542 My feet were like, 30 00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:47,625 "Are we getting laid tonight or what?" 31 00:01:49,959 --> 00:01:52,083 By the way, this is on me. 32 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:53,458 - Oh, no, no, no. - Yes, yes. 33 00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:55,375 I want to do this. 34 00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:56,959 It's my thank-you lunch. 35 00:01:56,959 --> 00:01:58,166 For? 36 00:01:58,166 --> 00:01:59,083 For being an amazing friend. 37 00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:02,083 Well, I don't know how amazing-- 38 00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:04,083 Bullshit. 39 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:06,667 I could not have gotten through this without you. 40 00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:07,417 And Prozac. 41 00:02:07,417 --> 00:02:09,375 - And Prozac. - And weed. 42 00:02:09,375 --> 00:02:10,417 Well, sure, but... 43 00:02:10,417 --> 00:02:11,959 I can't take weed to lunch. 44 00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:13,792 I'm sure if we went through your purse, 45 00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:15,000 we'd find that's not true. 46 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,959 I also have a little bit of-- 47 00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:18,792 - Hi. - Hi. 48 00:02:18,792 --> 00:02:20,375 I'm AJ. 49 00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:21,417 - I'll be your waiter today. - Yeah, hi, AJ. 50 00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:23,041 - Can you just give us a sec? - Absolutely. 51 00:02:23,041 --> 00:02:25,458 - Whenever you're ready. - Thank you. 52 00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,500 [chuckles] 53 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,834 I also have a little bit of news. 54 00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:31,709 - You broke up with Merc. - What? No. 55 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,125 All right, well, you go. 56 00:02:34,125 --> 00:02:37,667 Actually, that part is going great. 57 00:02:37,667 --> 00:02:39,709 Great. 58 00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:40,417 I might be pregnant. 59 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:47,291 God, it feels so weird to hear it out loud. 60 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,000 I haven't told Merc yet. 61 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,458 You're the first. 62 00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:52,583 Not even my shrink. 63 00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:53,333 He should probably be looped in. 64 00:02:55,959 --> 00:02:57,917 The thing is, I think-- 65 00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:00,250 Okay, do not freak. 66 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,792 I think I want to keep it. 67 00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:04,875 Definitely talk to your shrink. 68 00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:06,166 I know, I know. 69 00:03:06,166 --> 00:03:07,000 I always said I never wanted one, 70 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,750 but now, I'm thinking... 71 00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:12,959 Why not? 72 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,500 You know? 73 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:17,166 I mean, I'm almost 37. 74 00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:18,709 - I'm 39. - Mm-hmm. 75 00:03:18,709 --> 00:03:22,333 And Merc and I are in such a good place. 76 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:23,625 Okay. 77 00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:27,583 It's like this was kind of meant to be. 78 00:03:29,041 --> 00:03:33,583 May I just play devil's advocate here? 79 00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:36,917 Merc is screwing Morning Randolph. 80 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,041 What? 81 00:03:38,041 --> 00:03:38,959 And they're engaged. 82 00:03:38,959 --> 00:03:39,834 I'm sorry. 83 00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:42,792 Ooh, tha-- 84 00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:44,291 That's not possible. 85 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:45,375 Not yet, AJ. 86 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,750 I spoke with her. 87 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,250 I saw the ring. 88 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,125 There's a ring? 89 00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:56,667 I'm sorry. 90 00:03:57,375 --> 00:03:59,875 - Is it big? - Does it matter? 91 00:03:59,875 --> 00:04:00,792 - How big? - Don't do this to yourself. 92 00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:01,625 How big? 93 00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:03,917 Like... 94 00:04:03,917 --> 00:04:05,625 That's, like, Mariah Carey big. 95 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,834 - All right, not that big, but-- - Jesus, that's still big! 96 00:04:07,834 --> 00:04:09,709 I don't know. 97 00:04:09,709 --> 00:04:10,750 It looked big to me, 98 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,625 and it... sparkled a lot. 99 00:04:16,542 --> 00:04:18,333 I'm so sorry. 100 00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,083 How long? 101 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,208 Have they been engaged? 102 00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:28,792 How long have you known? 103 00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:31,917 Not long. 104 00:04:31,917 --> 00:04:33,000 How long? 105 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,709 Uh, hmm... 106 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,250 A week. 107 00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:41,083 A week? 108 00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:43,000 You've known for a week? 109 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,625 I wanted to tell you. 110 00:04:44,625 --> 00:04:46,333 I felt so awful. 111 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:47,417 Aww. 112 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:50,250 - Seriously, AJ. - Come on, AJ. 113 00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:51,834 Look. 114 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,166 I get it. 115 00:04:54,166 --> 00:04:56,792 But it's Merc who's the villain here. 116 00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:58,792 Don't be mad at me. Be mad at him. 117 00:04:58,792 --> 00:05:00,458 I think... yeah... 118 00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:04,250 I think there's enough mad for both of you. 119 00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:06,583 Well, be madder at him. 120 00:05:06,583 --> 00:05:07,458 A week? 121 00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:10,792 Well, don't-- 122 00:05:10,792 --> 00:05:11,583 You know, if you're ever 123 00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,834 just sittin' around, thinkin', 124 00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:16,083 "What are the cruelest things I never got to do?" 125 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,458 Off your bucket list. 126 00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,959 Jesus, AJ! 127 00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:26,959 ♪♪♪ 128 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,458 [Sean] Right. 129 00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,208 Is there anything we've talked about so far 130 00:05:30,208 --> 00:05:31,000 that we actually like? 131 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,125 Anything worth pursuing? 132 00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:33,625 I still like Whores. 133 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,750 So Netflix is doing it. So what? 134 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:40,000 There were two Capotes. Two Steve Jobs. 135 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,834 Are you really comparing Truman Capote and Steve Jobs 136 00:05:42,834 --> 00:05:44,375 to Whores? 137 00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:45,667 No, you're right. 138 00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:46,333 I'd watch Whores. 139 00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:48,875 They're already doing it. 140 00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:51,250 Fuckin' Netflix. 141 00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:52,458 It's just crazy to invest 142 00:05:52,458 --> 00:05:53,834 all our time in a show 143 00:05:53,834 --> 00:05:54,667 that's already being done. 144 00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:56,625 Yeah, yeah. 145 00:05:56,625 --> 00:05:57,333 [sighs] 146 00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:00,375 I just like Whores so much. 147 00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:04,375 [phone ringing] 148 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,375 My father's girlfriend. 149 00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:09,083 Just ignore it. 150 00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:10,667 Okay, so-- 151 00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:11,667 Maybe it's important. 152 00:06:12,792 --> 00:06:15,709 Pain in the ass. Yo. 153 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,041 [Linda] So, I'm sitting in the kitchen with your father, 154 00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:19,125 and I say to him, "Do you want lunch? 155 00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:21,208 I've got egg salad. 156 00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:22,333 I've got tuna salad." 157 00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:23,375 And he says, 158 00:06:23,375 --> 00:06:25,834 "I don't like your tuna salad." 159 00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:27,792 So I go, "Since when? 160 00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:29,041 You love my tuna salad." 161 00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:29,792 And he says, 162 00:06:29,792 --> 00:06:31,500 "Not since you started using 163 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,375 that shitty light mayonnaise." 164 00:06:33,375 --> 00:06:34,959 - Linda-- - Let me finish. 165 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,542 So he says, "I'm not eating it 166 00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:37,959 with that crap in it." 167 00:06:37,959 --> 00:06:38,667 So we get in the car, 168 00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:40,125 we schlepp over to Target-- 169 00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:41,125 - Linda! - What? 170 00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:43,542 Is there a point to this? 171 00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:45,333 He's dead. 172 00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:49,041 - What? - He's dead. 173 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:51,291 - Dear Lord. - Oh, my God. 174 00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:54,709 - Wait, my father is dead? - Dead. 175 00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:56,333 So, he's picking up a jar of mayonnaise. 176 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,375 One of those stupid big ones. 177 00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,709 Even if he lived, he'd be dead 178 00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:01,500 by the time we finished that thing. 179 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,917 And all of a sudden, he goes-- 180 00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:04,917 [making phlegmatic sound] 181 00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:07,959 The jar drops. There's mayonnaise everywhere. 182 00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:10,417 He just falls over, and I'm thinking, 183 00:07:10,417 --> 00:07:12,041 "Now we're gonna have to pay for that." 184 00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:16,250 - Dead? - [Linda] Yes! Dead! 185 00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:18,083 Why is this so difficult? 186 00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:19,583 - So where is he now? - I don't know. 187 00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:22,333 The ambulance people came and took him away. 188 00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:23,917 - Where? - How do I know? 189 00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:26,834 - They just took him. - Jesus Christ. 190 00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:29,000 [Linda] Oh, and the best part is, 191 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,542 I'm stuck here now. 192 00:07:30,542 --> 00:07:32,208 What? 193 00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:33,917 Yeah, the car keys were in his pocket. 194 00:07:33,917 --> 00:07:35,834 [Linda] So now he's dead, 195 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:38,458 and I'm standing here at Target like a schmuck. 196 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,583 What--so did they say what we do now? 197 00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:43,875 What we do now is you come and pick me up! 198 00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:44,792 I'm not coming to pick you up. 199 00:07:44,792 --> 00:07:47,208 I got to find his body. Call a cab. 200 00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:48,500 I can't call a cab. 201 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,250 He had the money. I have no money. 202 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,458 Who are you? The Queen? 203 00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:53,458 How do you leave the house without money? 204 00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,750 Next time, I'll remember to bring my wallet 205 00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:57,458 in case my husband drops dead 206 00:07:57,458 --> 00:07:59,959 and leaves me stranded at Target. 207 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:00,625 He's not your husband. 208 00:08:00,625 --> 00:08:02,625 Oh, go fuck yourself, okay? 209 00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:03,959 Just go fuck yourself. 210 00:08:03,959 --> 00:08:05,959 This is the worst day of my life! 211 00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:07,917 Yeah. Yeah. 212 00:08:07,917 --> 00:08:09,792 I'll try to track him down. Hang on. 213 00:08:09,792 --> 00:08:11,041 Call her an Uber. 214 00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:13,417 - I got to do this. - Of course. 215 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:15,959 Hello, Mrs. LeBlanc-- 216 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:16,667 She's not Mrs. LeBlanc. 217 00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,583 Tell him to go fuck himself. 218 00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:19,166 As often as I can. 219 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,333 [Linda] Who is this? 220 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:22,500 Actually, we've met. 221 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,667 This is Beverly Lincoln. 222 00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:26,000 The one with the hair? 223 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,375 That could certainly be me. 224 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,333 [Linda] What do you want? 225 00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,083 Matt has asked us to help you get home. 226 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,917 Where are you? 227 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,667 In condiments. 228 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,917 No, I mean, where is the store situated? 229 00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:41,667 We need to give them the coordinates. 230 00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:44,625 Oh, I remember you now. 231 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,333 [Linda] I'm at Target. 232 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,709 Okay, which Target? 233 00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:50,041 [Linda] La Cienega. 234 00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:51,667 The Target on La Cienega. 235 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:52,583 I heard her. 236 00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:55,333 Okay, go wait in front of the store. 237 00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:57,333 - We're gonna get you an Uber. - A what? 238 00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,000 - An Uber. - An ubah? 239 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,542 - An Uber. - An ubah? 240 00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:03,625 [Linda] Say it without the accent. 241 00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:06,625 - [American accent] Uber. - [Linda] Oh, Jesus. 242 00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:08,792 I'm gonna turn you over to Sean. 243 00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:10,250 He can give you the details. 244 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,375 Hello, Mrs. LeBlanc. 245 00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,208 She's not Mrs. LeBlanc! 246 00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:15,333 [Linda] Fuck you! 247 00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:17,208 Your driver's name is Amjad. 248 00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,709 - What? - Amjad. 249 00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:20,917 - Amjad? - Amjad. 250 00:09:20,917 --> 00:09:24,208 - That's a person? - He'll be there in six minutes. 251 00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:25,917 - How do you know? - It's on my phone. 252 00:09:25,917 --> 00:09:28,458 - I'm on your phone. - I have another phone. 253 00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:30,000 Who has two phones? 254 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,583 No, I-- don't-- 255 00:09:31,583 --> 00:09:34,500 The point is your Uber driver, Amjad-- 256 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,667 Ubah. Amjad. 257 00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:36,959 [Linda] Just put Matt on. 258 00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:38,458 Just put him back on! 259 00:09:38,458 --> 00:09:39,333 Hang on. 260 00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:42,750 All right, I found the body. 261 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,583 Now I got to get a funeral home to go pick it up. 262 00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:47,166 She's insisting on speaking to you. 263 00:09:47,166 --> 00:09:48,834 She doesn't seem to understand Uber, 264 00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:50,458 and she has issues with her driver Amjad. 265 00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,250 She's clearly distraught. 266 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,458 Let me handle it. 267 00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:55,083 Linda. 268 00:09:55,083 --> 00:09:56,917 Take the fucking Uber. 269 00:09:56,917 --> 00:09:56,959 Done. 270 00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:02,125 I'm so sorry. 271 00:10:02,125 --> 00:10:03,750 Yeah, she's a pain in the ass. 272 00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,208 No, about your father. 273 00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:08,291 Oh. That. 274 00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:08,834 Well, what're you gonna do? 275 00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:15,709 So, we'll get out of your hair and let you deal with this. 276 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:18,000 No, no, no. Stay. I just need, like, a second. 277 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,583 Then we can get back to work. 278 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,583 [Assistant] Matt LeBlanc on one. 279 00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:23,709 Hey, bud. What's up? 280 00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:24,750 [Matt] Hey, uh... 281 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,500 My father just died. 282 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,250 - Aw, no. - Dropped dead at Target. 283 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,792 Oh! Jesus, that is sad on so many levels. 284 00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:32,875 [Matt] So I, uh, 285 00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,125 I need a funeral home to go and pick up the body. 286 00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:36,750 - Can you-- - [Roger] I'm on it. 287 00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:37,959 Text me the info, and if there's 288 00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:39,125 anything else I can-- 289 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:40,750 Yeah, get me a Marvel franchise. 290 00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:42,208 [laughs] One thing at a time. 291 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,208 [scoffs] 292 00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,458 Okay, where were we? 293 00:10:46,458 --> 00:10:48,792 Are you sure you're up for this? 294 00:10:48,792 --> 00:10:50,250 Sure, yeah, why not? 295 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,959 Well, I'm sorry, but you just lost your father. 296 00:10:52,959 --> 00:10:55,750 You must be feeling... something. 297 00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:56,375 I feel stuff. 298 00:10:56,375 --> 00:10:58,583 I feel annoyed... 299 00:10:58,583 --> 00:11:00,750 that I have to handle this shit. 300 00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:02,125 I feel relieved... 301 00:11:02,125 --> 00:11:03,959 that stupid Linda's off the phone. 302 00:11:03,959 --> 00:11:05,625 I feel angry... 303 00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:05,834 at Netflix. 304 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,375 And I'm also a little hungry. 305 00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:10,000 Probably all that mayonnaise talk. 306 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,667 Anyone want a sandwich? 307 00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,000 You're not really eating mayonnaise now? 308 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,166 Yep. 309 00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:19,125 I'm gonna look death in the face... 310 00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:21,125 and then I'm gonna spread it on whole wheat 311 00:11:21,125 --> 00:11:21,625 with some turkey and Swiss. 312 00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:24,083 [keys clacking] 313 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,166 I've got to say, so far today, 314 00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:27,417 this is the best idea you've had. 315 00:11:27,417 --> 00:11:30,291 It's the mayonnaise. 316 00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:33,959 Let's say 317 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:36,500 you could turn on your TV right now 318 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,959 and watch anything you wanted. 319 00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:39,500 What would it be? 320 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,375 - And it can't be Whores. - Oh. 321 00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:43,250 Anything at all. 322 00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:48,667 - Hmm. - What? 323 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,375 I should probably call my mother. 324 00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:51,750 Really? Now? When we're on a roll? 325 00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:54,583 Yeah, well, I should let her know. 326 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,208 Technically, they're still married. 327 00:11:56,208 --> 00:11:57,583 - You're joking. - Nope. 328 00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:59,375 40 years she wouldn't give him a divorce. 329 00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:02,750 She was all about "till death do us part." 330 00:12:02,750 --> 00:12:03,542 So today's quite the payoff. 331 00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:07,041 Just two seconds. Keep going. 332 00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:09,917 [phone ringing] 333 00:12:14,709 --> 00:12:16,417 - Hello? - Ma? 334 00:12:16,417 --> 00:12:17,291 - Hello? - Ma? 335 00:12:17,291 --> 00:12:19,208 - Hello? - Ma. 336 00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:20,375 Put your hearing aids in. 337 00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:21,333 Put your hearing aids in. 338 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:25,166 Hold on, I'm putting my hearing aids in. 339 00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:27,834 [feedback whines] 340 00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:28,625 Hello? 341 00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:29,917 Ma. Feedback. 342 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,250 [Mrs. LeBlanc] Hold on. 343 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:31,875 I can't hear. 344 00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:34,000 [Matt] Feedback. Ma? 345 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,750 I hate these damn things. 346 00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:37,333 [Matt] Ma? 347 00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:41,458 - Hello? - Can you hear me now? 348 00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:43,041 - Hello? - Ma? 349 00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:45,834 - I took it out. - Put it back. 350 00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:50,583 [feedback whining] 351 00:12:50,583 --> 00:12:51,750 Hold on. 352 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,834 Jesus Christ. Adjust it. 353 00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:53,959 Adjust it! 354 00:12:56,917 --> 00:12:59,667 - Better? - Yeah. Yeah, better. 355 00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:00,500 Huh. 356 00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:02,375 So, what's new? 357 00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:03,959 Dad's dead. 358 00:13:06,583 --> 00:13:08,250 - [Mrs. LeBlanc] What? - [Matt] He's dead. 359 00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:09,500 What? 360 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,542 - [Matt] Dead. 361 00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:12,166 [Sean] He's so shut down. 362 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,458 You're assuming there's something there to shut. 363 00:13:14,458 --> 00:13:15,500 You saw what they were like together. 364 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:16,792 [indistinct conversation] 365 00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:18,333 No, I know, but it's his father. 366 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,417 [phone ringing] 367 00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:21,000 - Linda. - Fuck. 368 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,959 I can't do it. I can't. 369 00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:26,458 - I was last up. - Oohh. [frustrated exhale] 370 00:13:26,458 --> 00:13:27,959 Fine, fine, fine, fine. 371 00:13:27,959 --> 00:13:30,166 Argh! Hello. 372 00:13:30,166 --> 00:13:31,875 What's-his-name's still not here yet. 373 00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:35,417 Hang on. That's Sean's department. 374 00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:37,625 Hello, Linda. 375 00:13:37,625 --> 00:13:39,250 [Linda] He's still not here. 376 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,959 - Hang on, let me check. - I'm starting to melt. 377 00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:43,667 - It says he should be there. - Well, tell it he's not. 378 00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:45,500 - He's in a Kia. - IKEA? 379 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,834 I told you Target! 380 00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:51,750 - Target! - He's in a Kia. 381 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,500 - A what? - A Kia. 382 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,000 - A Kia? - A Kia. 383 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,083 A Kia? 384 00:13:57,083 --> 00:13:57,583 Hang on. Let me call him. 385 00:13:57,583 --> 00:13:59,166 Here's Beverly. 386 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:01,375 Hello again. 387 00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:04,333 Ugh. 388 00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:06,083 Hello, Amjad? 389 00:14:06,083 --> 00:14:08,792 What type of Kia is it? 390 00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:10,959 It's a white Kia Rio. 391 00:14:10,959 --> 00:14:12,792 It's a white Kia Rio. 392 00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:15,250 - A Kiario? - No. 393 00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:19,333 The model of the Kia is a Rio, 394 00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:20,750 and the color is white. 395 00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:23,500 Do you see a white car? 396 00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:24,709 Yeah. 397 00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,250 I'm standing right next to one. 398 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:27,083 Wave to her. 399 00:14:28,917 --> 00:14:30,333 That's a Kia Rio? 400 00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:32,000 Yes, that's a Kia Rio, 401 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,875 - and the gentleman-- - [Linda] Oh, Jesus. 402 00:14:33,875 --> 00:14:34,834 I have no key. 403 00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:36,542 He had the keys in his pocket. 404 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,792 I can't get into the house. 405 00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:40,166 I'm not sure what to tell you. 406 00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:41,959 God damn it. Tell Matt I'm locked out. 407 00:14:41,959 --> 00:14:43,792 I need his key. 408 00:14:43,792 --> 00:14:45,041 I'm afraid he's on with his mother. 409 00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:47,834 - Is she locked out? - I don't think so. 410 00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:50,750 Then fuck her. Just put him on. 411 00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:52,542 Hang on. 412 00:14:52,542 --> 00:14:53,542 [Matt] I just wanted you to know. 413 00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:55,041 - [Linda] I don't know. - I'm so sorry. 414 00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:56,375 It's, uh, Linda. 415 00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:57,500 [Linda speaks indistinctly on phone] 416 00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:58,917 She says she's locked out and she needs your key. 417 00:14:58,917 --> 00:15:00,291 I don't have a key. 418 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,208 [Linda] How do you not have a key? 419 00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:02,750 How do you not have a key? 420 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,500 - You live there. - Would you like the phone? 421 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,166 No, call in a fucking locksmith. 422 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,625 Absolutely. 423 00:15:07,625 --> 00:15:08,875 It only gets better. 424 00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:11,083 [Mrs. LeBlanc] Get who a locksmith? 425 00:15:11,083 --> 00:15:11,375 Linda. 426 00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:12,375 Who? 427 00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:14,917 Linda. 428 00:15:14,917 --> 00:15:16,750 I don't believe I know anyone by that name. 429 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,166 All right, Ma. 430 00:15:18,166 --> 00:15:19,750 Ooh, that whore. 431 00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:22,083 Anyway, that's the news. 432 00:15:22,083 --> 00:15:23,333 [Mrs. LeBlanc] Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, 433 00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:24,542 how's he getting back here? 434 00:15:24,542 --> 00:15:25,250 - Who? - Your father, who. 435 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:26,834 - For what? - His funeral. 436 00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:29,834 - What funeral? - "What funeral?" 437 00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:33,041 After everything that asshole did? 438 00:15:33,041 --> 00:15:34,583 He's still my husband. 439 00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:37,000 I get to put him in the ground. 440 00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:39,417 Fine, I'll... 441 00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:41,917 I'll figure out a way to ship him back. 442 00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:42,834 Good. 443 00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:44,417 Now, I got to go to Costco. 444 00:15:44,417 --> 00:15:45,250 - What should I get you? - For what? 445 00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:47,375 Well, you're coming in for this. 446 00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:48,834 - No, I'm not. - He's your father. 447 00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:50,625 How's it gonna look? 448 00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:53,417 How'd it look 40 years ago when he walked out on us? 449 00:15:53,417 --> 00:15:54,542 Oh, let it go, Matthew. 450 00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:56,583 He's dead. 451 00:15:56,583 --> 00:15:58,291 He's with God. 452 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,333 I doubt that. 453 00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:01,417 [Merc] Hello? 454 00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:03,750 - In here! - Hey, babe. 455 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:08,125 So, I've got some big news. 456 00:16:08,125 --> 00:16:09,291 Big big? 457 00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:11,083 Oh, pretty darn big. 458 00:16:11,083 --> 00:16:12,417 Hmm. Intriguing. 459 00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:16,792 Guess who's engaged to Morning Randolph? 460 00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:21,792 - What? - [laughs] 461 00:16:21,792 --> 00:16:23,959 Obviously, no one told you, 462 00:16:23,959 --> 00:16:25,959 or you would've said something to me. 463 00:16:25,959 --> 00:16:29,291 But I guess-- congratulations! 464 00:16:29,291 --> 00:16:30,250 [both laugh] 465 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,458 Okay, that is crazy. 466 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:34,792 Seriously loony tunes crazy. 467 00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,625 Just tellin' you what I heard. 468 00:16:36,625 --> 00:16:38,000 - From who? - Not important. 469 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,125 That I am engaged to Morning Randolph? 470 00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,291 This person was pretty sure. She saw a ring. 471 00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:44,834 A ring? Jesus. 472 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,792 I don't even know what to do with that. 473 00:16:46,792 --> 00:16:47,834 Either someone is fucking with you, 474 00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:51,041 or they're just nuts. 475 00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:52,041 Look, I totally get why you'd flip out. 476 00:16:52,041 --> 00:16:55,208 But I swear, it is not true. 477 00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:58,834 I swear on the lives of my children. 478 00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:01,000 First of all, engaged? 479 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,208 Me? 480 00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:04,458 I'm still paying off the first three. 481 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:07,125 And if I was ever gonna do it again, 482 00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:09,125 you know... you know... 483 00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:10,667 I love you. 484 00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:14,500 And Morning Randolph? Are you kidding me? 485 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:18,000 She's been around since, like, Truman was president. 486 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,375 Seriously, I think they named planes after her 487 00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:21,458 in World War II. 488 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:22,875 I mean... 489 00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:32,041 Okay. 490 00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:32,875 Okay, this-- 491 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:33,208 this is not fair. 492 00:17:36,291 --> 00:17:39,709 Look, clearly, I have a problem. 493 00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:41,750 I-I-I'm a deeply damaged person. 494 00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:44,875 It's-It's a sickness. 495 00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:47,834 There's something profoundly wrong with me. 496 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:52,709 But it's only because of how much I care for you both 497 00:17:52,709 --> 00:17:53,875 that I haven't been able to... 498 00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:55,291 By the way, that stuff about 499 00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,083 the lives of my children-- 500 00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:58,959 that's just an expression. 501 00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:01,208 God knows that. 502 00:18:01,208 --> 00:18:03,083 And can I just say, I don't know how much you heard, 503 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,667 but that crap about World War II, 504 00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,750 you know me, I just-- "blah, blah, blah." 505 00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,166 I mean, you know how much I care for-- 506 00:18:11,166 --> 00:18:12,917 Which is, you know, not to take 507 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:15,834 anything away from... 508 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,375 Yeah, I got nothing. 509 00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:31,583 [keys clacking] 510 00:18:31,583 --> 00:18:32,500 All right, I'm erasing Whores. 511 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,250 Ooh. 512 00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:38,000 - What about racing whores? - What? 513 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,417 Whores in cars, competing. 514 00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:41,917 both: No! 515 00:18:41,917 --> 00:18:42,750 Why not? 516 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:43,625 Because it's not a show. 517 00:18:43,625 --> 00:18:45,542 Yet. 518 00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:46,750 [phone ringing] 519 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,750 - Oh, come on. - Seriously? 520 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:49,875 ♪ upbeat music ♪ 521 00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:51,417 - Roger. - Linda. 522 00:18:51,417 --> 00:18:53,792 - I got to do this one. - Oh, come on. 523 00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:54,667 What, you think I'm having fun? 524 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,125 Well, imagine what it's like for us. 525 00:18:58,166 --> 00:19:00,875 Yo. We got to ship the body to Boston. 526 00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:01,667 Your turn. 527 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:02,667 [growls] 528 00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:04,750 Hello, Linda. 529 00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:06,875 There's still no locksmith. 530 00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:07,625 Hang on. 531 00:19:07,625 --> 00:19:10,458 Beverly made those arrangements. 532 00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:14,458 Hello again. 533 00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:15,291 Locksmith. 534 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:16,375 Is on his way. 535 00:19:16,375 --> 00:19:18,333 He should be there any minute. 536 00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:21,959 He's from All-A Locksmith, 537 00:19:21,959 --> 00:19:24,792 and his name is-- God, help me-- 538 00:19:24,792 --> 00:19:25,792 Yarl. 539 00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:27,917 - Yarl? - Yarl. 540 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,041 [Linda] No. No, no. Put Matt on. 541 00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:31,667 I want to talk to Matt. 542 00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,041 I'm afraid right now he's making arrangements 543 00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:34,834 to ship the body to Boston. 544 00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:35,667 [Linda] What? 545 00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:37,500 Stop him. 546 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:38,500 Just put him on. 547 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,125 God damn it, put him on! 548 00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:43,834 God damn it, she wants you. 549 00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:46,125 I'll call you back. 550 00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:47,834 What? 551 00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,500 You cannot bury him. 552 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,667 What are you talking about? 553 00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,333 He's got to be cremated. 554 00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:53,834 - Who says? - [Linda] He says. 555 00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,333 He wants to be cremated, 556 00:19:55,333 --> 00:19:57,083 and he wants his ashes scattered at sea. 557 00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:58,750 [Matt] At sea? 558 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:01,709 The only thing he ever did in the sea was piss in it. 559 00:20:01,709 --> 00:20:02,166 It's in his will. 560 00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:05,250 Fuck me. Fine. 561 00:20:06,417 --> 00:20:07,834 Call Roger back. 562 00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:09,667 Tell him the body needs to be cremated. 563 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,208 Pain in my ass. 564 00:20:13,709 --> 00:20:16,542 [phone ringing] 565 00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:19,917 [feedback whining] Hello? 566 00:20:19,917 --> 00:20:21,834 - Adjust. - What? 567 00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:24,542 Adjust. 568 00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:27,041 - Better? - Better. 569 00:20:27,041 --> 00:20:28,959 So, you change your mind? 570 00:20:28,959 --> 00:20:29,875 You coming in? 571 00:20:29,875 --> 00:20:31,375 No, I'm not coming, 572 00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:32,917 and there's not gonna be a funeral. 573 00:20:32,917 --> 00:20:34,208 What does that mean? 574 00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:36,250 Apparently, he wants to be cremated. 575 00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:37,417 [Mrs. LeBlanc] He wants? 576 00:20:37,417 --> 00:20:39,000 Who cares what he wants? 577 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,875 For once, let him do what I want. 578 00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,500 - It's in his will. - [Mrs. LeBlanc] Oh, Jesus. 579 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:45,583 So what am I supposed to do with the casket? 580 00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:46,875 What casket? 581 00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:48,083 I just bought a casket at Costco. 582 00:20:48,083 --> 00:20:50,583 They sell caskets at Costco? 583 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,250 - Next to the tires. - So just return it. 584 00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:54,875 What if they won't take it back? 585 00:20:54,875 --> 00:20:56,542 What am I supposed to do with it? 586 00:20:56,542 --> 00:20:58,250 I don't know. Stick it in the garage. 587 00:20:58,250 --> 00:20:58,792 You're gonna need it eventually. 588 00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:00,333 [phone rings] 589 00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:02,917 - Hello? - [Linda] Get me Matt. 590 00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:05,583 Tell him it's about the ashes. 591 00:21:05,583 --> 00:21:06,917 [Mrs. LeBlanc] Cherry poplar 592 00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:07,709 with a champagne velvet interior. 593 00:21:07,709 --> 00:21:08,500 Guess who? 594 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,208 She wants to talk about the ashes. 595 00:21:11,208 --> 00:21:11,959 What? 596 00:21:11,959 --> 00:21:13,959 When am I getting them? 597 00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:15,625 [Mrs. LeBlanc] That whore's not getting the ashes. 598 00:21:15,625 --> 00:21:18,250 - Those are my ashes! - [Matt] Why do you get 'em? 599 00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,417 I thought they were supposed to be scattered at sea. 600 00:21:20,417 --> 00:21:21,917 [Mrs. LeBlanc] At sea? 601 00:21:21,917 --> 00:21:22,750 What is he, a Kennedy? 602 00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:25,208 I'm supposed to be the scatterer! 603 00:21:25,208 --> 00:21:26,917 [Mrs. LeBlanc] Bullshit! 604 00:21:26,917 --> 00:21:27,917 He's my husband. 605 00:21:27,917 --> 00:21:31,250 You keep your hands off him. We got water here. 606 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,709 - [Mrs. LeBlanc] I'm scattering. - [Linda] I'm scattering. 607 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,041 [Mrs. LeBlanc] Bullshit! I'm scattering! I'm scattering! 608 00:21:36,041 --> 00:21:37,417 It's Roger. There's a problem. 609 00:21:37,417 --> 00:21:38,417 - Oh, God. Hold on! - [Linda] Fuck you. 610 00:21:38,417 --> 00:21:40,083 [Mrs. LeBlanc] You whore, fuck you. 611 00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:41,667 What? 612 00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,458 [Roger] I just got off with the mortuary. 613 00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:46,625 They can't cremate him for at least a couple of weeks. 614 00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:47,750 Weeks? 615 00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:49,000 Apparently, there's some big backlog. 616 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,417 Did you play the Friends card? 617 00:21:50,417 --> 00:21:51,792 [Roger] Of course I played the Friends card. 618 00:21:51,792 --> 00:21:52,792 I offered them tickets to the The Box. 619 00:21:52,792 --> 00:21:54,959 I said you would take a picture with them. 620 00:21:54,959 --> 00:21:57,041 - Well, let's not go crazy. - They did tell me-- 621 00:21:57,041 --> 00:21:58,458 And this is totally off the record-- 622 00:21:58,458 --> 00:22:01,834 There might be a little bit of wiggle room 623 00:22:01,834 --> 00:22:05,417 if the ashes... don't have to be his. 624 00:22:05,417 --> 00:22:08,375 Well, shit, if they don't have to be his... 625 00:22:08,375 --> 00:22:09,500 [doorbell rings] 626 00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:12,792 - [Beverly] Doorbell. - Oh, can you let him in? 627 00:22:12,792 --> 00:22:14,917 It's the guy from the prop house. 628 00:22:18,333 --> 00:22:20,583 Hey, thanks so much for doing this. 629 00:22:20,583 --> 00:22:22,250 Hey. For you? Pfft. 630 00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:23,333 - Wow, these look great. - They should. 631 00:22:23,333 --> 00:22:25,500 This one was used in Harold and Maude. 632 00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:26,417 It was also in the first Godfather. 633 00:22:26,417 --> 00:22:28,792 - Terms of Endearment. - Wow. 634 00:22:28,792 --> 00:22:30,542 It's got better credits than you. 635 00:22:30,542 --> 00:22:31,250 The other one's mostly done TV. 636 00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:33,375 It started off in Quincy. 637 00:22:33,375 --> 00:22:35,208 - You remember-- - Jack Klugman. Sure. 638 00:22:35,208 --> 00:22:36,375 [Matt] Well, they look great. 639 00:22:36,375 --> 00:22:38,000 And they're for what again? 640 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,500 I'm helping my nephew out with a student film thing. 641 00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:42,625 - Ah-huh. You're a good uncle. - [scoffs] 642 00:22:42,625 --> 00:22:44,500 I need them back in, like, two weeks. 643 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:45,000 Yeah. Absolutely. No problem. 644 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,792 Thanks again. 645 00:22:49,041 --> 00:22:49,792 You're never gonna return those. 646 00:22:49,792 --> 00:22:51,333 What, are they gonna arrest me? 647 00:22:51,333 --> 00:22:52,083 Come on. Steaks are getting cold. 648 00:22:52,083 --> 00:22:55,834 [keys clacking] 649 00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:57,041 It's weird. 650 00:22:57,041 --> 00:22:59,208 Every time I make a steak, I think about my father. 651 00:22:59,208 --> 00:23:02,834 Like a big, thick, juicy... 652 00:23:02,834 --> 00:23:05,375 you know, the kind of steak even a cow would go, 653 00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:07,959 "Nope, that's fair. I totally get it." 654 00:23:07,959 --> 00:23:09,291 And why your father? 655 00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:12,208 He made me my first great steak. 656 00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:14,250 I was, like, five, 657 00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:15,250 and he came home with this big box 658 00:23:15,250 --> 00:23:18,375 of these unbelievable rib eyes. 659 00:23:18,375 --> 00:23:20,959 He got 'em from my "Uncle" Lou. 660 00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:23,500 Apparently, the box had "fallen off the truck." 661 00:23:25,375 --> 00:23:28,125 These steaks were so fucking amazing. 662 00:23:28,125 --> 00:23:29,583 Well, there you go. 663 00:23:29,583 --> 00:23:31,250 So your father did do something positive. 664 00:23:31,250 --> 00:23:33,208 Yeah, wait. 665 00:23:33,208 --> 00:23:35,041 After dinner, I go to give our dog Tippy 666 00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:36,500 one of the bones. 667 00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:38,709 [gasps] Do not tell me you were eating Tippy. 668 00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:40,709 What? No. Jesus. 669 00:23:40,709 --> 00:23:41,583 Sorry, but the way you said it. 670 00:23:41,583 --> 00:23:44,542 - No, I went there too. - [Matt] No! 671 00:23:44,542 --> 00:23:47,959 My father traded Tippy for the box of steaks. 672 00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:49,375 But he was alive. 673 00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:51,250 He gave away my dog. 674 00:23:51,250 --> 00:23:53,000 You were five. Who does that? 675 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,250 Yeah, no, obviously it's terrible. 676 00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:55,166 - Ohh! - Stop being relieved! 677 00:23:55,166 --> 00:23:56,709 No, I get it. 678 00:23:56,709 --> 00:23:57,208 Yeah, yeah, totally. 679 00:23:57,208 --> 00:24:00,834 [keys clacking] 680 00:24:00,834 --> 00:24:01,959 Is no one else troubled by this at all? 681 00:24:01,959 --> 00:24:04,125 What? 682 00:24:04,125 --> 00:24:06,041 You're making two ladies very happy. 683 00:24:06,041 --> 00:24:08,750 And hopefully they stop fucking calling. 684 00:24:08,750 --> 00:24:12,250 And you don't worry they'll notice a vague sirloin-y aroma? 685 00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:14,750 Hey, if they're sniffing a dead guy's ashes, 686 00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:16,166 they got bigger problems. 687 00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:23,125 So did your father really do nothing good? At all? 688 00:24:23,125 --> 00:24:25,041 Not one nice memory? 689 00:24:26,166 --> 00:24:28,333 He once took us to Disney World. 690 00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:29,709 - Well, okay. - That's something. 691 00:24:29,709 --> 00:24:32,250 Except he didn't want to wait in any of the lines, 692 00:24:32,250 --> 00:24:34,291 so he gets this used child's wheelchair. 693 00:24:34,291 --> 00:24:35,625 - Come on! - He did not. 694 00:24:35,625 --> 00:24:37,000 Then he shaved my head. 695 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,291 - No. - Oh, stop it. 696 00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:40,291 Swear to God. I got pictures with Mickey. 697 00:24:42,208 --> 00:24:43,792 You realize that's your show. 698 00:24:43,792 --> 00:24:45,166 What's my show? 699 00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:48,125 The father is a con man. 700 00:24:48,125 --> 00:24:49,750 Shifty. Conniving. 701 00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:50,959 But still charming. 702 00:24:50,959 --> 00:24:52,709 You thought my father was charming? 703 00:24:52,709 --> 00:24:53,959 - Mm-hmm. - In his way. 704 00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:56,000 Twinkle in his eye. But still a bastard. 705 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,792 The son is very different. Let's say he's a cop. 706 00:24:58,792 --> 00:25:03,458 Maybe a detective who goes after people like his father. 707 00:25:03,458 --> 00:25:04,875 Right. 708 00:25:04,875 --> 00:25:07,166 And it's all about their incredibly complicated 709 00:25:07,166 --> 00:25:07,917 love/hate/hate/hate relationship. 710 00:25:07,917 --> 00:25:09,834 [laughs] 711 00:25:09,834 --> 00:25:11,041 I kind of like that. 712 00:25:11,041 --> 00:25:13,000 I could see me playing a cop. 713 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,083 Oh, no, no, no. No, you're the father. 714 00:25:14,083 --> 00:25:17,291 What? No fuckin' way. I'm not playing that asshole. 715 00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:20,083 It's the better part. 716 00:25:20,083 --> 00:25:21,750 Yeah, I'm the father. 717 00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:24,750 [keys clacking] 718 00:25:24,750 --> 00:25:27,625 [doorbell rings] 719 00:25:30,875 --> 00:25:33,291 Hey. 720 00:25:33,291 --> 00:25:34,917 So, the guy from the mortuary called back. 721 00:25:34,917 --> 00:25:39,000 Turns out, uh, his wife's a big fan of your show. 722 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:39,709 - Yeah? - Promised him a ton of tickets. 723 00:25:39,709 --> 00:25:41,667 VIP tour. The whole deal. 724 00:25:41,667 --> 00:25:43,583 You will have to take a picture. 725 00:25:43,583 --> 00:25:45,250 Fine. 726 00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:48,542 But it got your dad bumped to the front of the line. 727 00:25:48,542 --> 00:25:50,542 They did him this afternoon. 728 00:25:52,625 --> 00:25:55,208 - This is him? - This is him. 729 00:25:55,208 --> 00:25:57,500 [exasperated sigh] 730 00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:03,250 - Jesus. - Yeah. 731 00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:05,417 - He's heavy. - I know. 732 00:26:07,083 --> 00:26:10,333 - You want a drink or something? - I'm late for a dinner. 733 00:26:10,333 --> 00:26:11,417 - With who? - Just a client. 734 00:26:11,417 --> 00:26:12,875 - Who? - A client. 735 00:26:12,875 --> 00:26:15,792 - Bradley Cooper? - Why do you do this? 736 00:26:15,792 --> 00:26:16,208 I love you, bud. 737 00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:18,208 All right? 738 00:26:27,250 --> 00:26:30,208 [indistinct sports announcements on TV] 739 00:26:37,834 --> 00:26:40,917 ♪ contemplative piano music ♪ 740 00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:43,792 ♪♪♪ 741 00:26:46,166 --> 00:26:49,000 Fine. 742 00:26:54,542 --> 00:26:57,291 [exasperated sigh] 743 00:26:57,291 --> 00:27:03,166 ♪♪♪ 744 00:27:16,375 --> 00:27:19,500 [waves crashing] 745 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,834 [Matt sniffling] 746 00:28:33,375 --> 00:28:34,667 Fucker! 747 00:28:34,667 --> 00:28:35,709 Ugh! 748 00:28:42,041 --> 00:28:43,583 Ugh! 749 00:28:45,417 --> 00:28:46,500 Ugh! 750 00:28:50,375 --> 00:28:53,250 [keys clacking] 751 00:28:53,250 --> 00:28:55,250 ♪ quirky music ♪ 752 00:28:55,250 --> 00:29:01,125 ♪♪♪