[ROOSTER CROWING]
What the hell is that?
[ROOSTER CROWS]
What the hell is that? Is that you?
[ROOSTER CROWS]
[GROANS]
- Boy, you're really not a morning person. - Just back off!
Get up! Get up! Get up!
What is that noise?
You.
It's the chick.
She's going through some changes.
What kind of changes?
Well, the vet seems to think that she's becoming a rooster.
[ROOSTER CROWS]
We're getting a second opinion.
Hey, what are you doing shopping at 8 in the morning?
Well, I've been up since 6...
...thanks to somebody's dumb-ass rooster.
You guys, you really should get rid of those animals.
They shouldn't be in an apartment.
Yeah, especially not with all these knives and cookbooks around.
All right, I'm gonna go to the fertility doctor and, uh, see if I'm ready...
...to have Frank and Alice's embryo transferred into my uterus.
Now, how will they know if you're ready?
Oh, they're just gonna look and see if my endometrial layer is thick.
Oh, I can check that for you.
Okay, everyone, think "thick."
GROUP: Good luck.
PHOEBE: Hey. Wish me luck. BOTH: Hey.
- Oh, good luck. - Good luck.
- And I'm still right. - That is so not true.
RACHEL: What?
She's mad because I know today's her laundry day...
...and that means she's wearing her old-lady underpants.
I can check that for you.
I just can't believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel...
...better than we know you.
Well, we do.
You can only eat Tic Tacs in even numbers.
Yeah, what's that about?
And you. Ross, I believe if you check Rachel's bag...
...you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
You're good.
These are not.
I'm so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.
- Yeah. JOEY: Oh, yeah?
Ross, how many items left in that bag?
- Five. - Okay.
Ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.
- How many guesses do you get? - Six.
Challenge extended.
- Deal. - Challenge accepted.
All right, we'll start with...
...apples.
We'll be starting with apples.
Stop that now.
Yes.
Okay. Uh, tortilla chips.
- Yogurt. - Diet soda.
Yes, yes, yes.
- Orange juice. - No, there's no orange juice in there.
- We win. - Ha, ha.
They have another guess.
Okay, well, we won that one.
Okay. The last thing is...
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
No, no. Not for, like, another two weeks.
I got it. Scotch...
...tape.
How did you know she would buy Scotch tape?
Well, we used up theirs last night making scary faces.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Oh, man.
All right. Ten bucks. Fork it over.
Cough it up. Pay the piper.
Give me it.
That does not mean you know us better. I want a rematch.
Yeah, and none of these stupid grocery questions. Real personal questions.
Yeah. And the winner gets 100 bucks.
Serious?
Are you scared?
No.
Okay, who makes up the questions?
Ross will do it.
Oh, sure, Ross will do it.
It's not like he has a job or a child or a life of his own.
Well, fine. We'll ask Phoebe.
No, no, no, I wanna play.
Looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.
Oh, I knew it. I knew it. I felt really thick this morning.
- Ha, ha. - Okay, so, what's now?
Go get the eggs. Put them in there.
Okay. It'll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.
- Embryos? As in more than one? - Mm-hm. Five, actually.
Five? Okay, where am I giving birth...
...in a hospital or a big box under the stairs?
Ha, ha. We do five because that gives you a 25-percent chance...
...that at least one will attach.
That's it? Twenty-five percent?
That means that it's, like, 75-percent chance of no baby at all?
Yeah, you know, I was thinking, what are the odds...
...if, like, you stuff, like, 200 of them in there?
Sweetie, now...
...she's a woman, not a gumball machine.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Okay, well, you know what? Don't worry.
I'm gonna do this as many times as it takes to get it right.
Well, see, the thing is, we kind of only have one shot.
Um, it costs $16,000 each time you do this.
So, um, we're kind of using all the money we have to do it just this one time.
Whoa.
That's... Okay, that's a lot of pressure on me and my uterus.
So... Well, okay.
So maybe there's something that I can do, you know, just to make sure I get pregnant.
No, I'm sorry.
Wow, you guys really don't know anything.
I know. Why doesn't she get drunk?
That worked for a bunch of girls in my high school.
Hey, guys. Do you realize that any minute now...
...Phoebe could be pregnant?
I know, I know.
- It's such a huge, life-altering thing. - I know.
The test is ready.
[ALL SHOUTING]
Okay. Each team will answer 10 questions.
The first team to answer the most questions wins.
The categories are "Fears And Pet Peeves"...
..."Ancient History"...
..."Literature"...
...and "It's All Relative."
Now, the coin toss, to see who goes first.
Okay.
- Somebody call it this time. - Yeah.
MONICA: Tails.
- It's heads. BOTH: Yeah!
Gentlemen, pick your category.
"Fears And Pet Peeves."
"What is Monica's biggest pet peeve?"
- Animals dressed as humans. - That's correct.
- Ladies? - Same category.
Okay.
"According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejesus out of him?"
Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance.
That is correct.
[BOTH SHOUTING]
The Irish jig guy?
His legs flail about as if independent from his body.
Gentlemen, your pick.
"It's All Relative."
"Monica and I had a grandmother who died.
You both went to her funeral.
Name that grandmother."
- Nana? - She has a real name.
- Althea. - Althea?
- What are you doing? - Took a shot.
Shooting with Althea?
- Althea is correct. - Nice shooting.
We'll take "Literature."
"Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment.
What name appears on the address label?"
Oh! Chandler gets it. It's Chandler Bing.
No.
I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to "Chanandler Bong."
I knew that.
Rachel, use your head.
Actually, it's Miss Chanandler Bong.
Hello, teeny embryos.
Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi.
I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months.
You should know that we're doing this for Frank and Alice...
...who you know. You've been there.
Um...
You know, they want you so much.
So when you guys get in there, really grab on.
Okay, and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm...
...until, you know, you're ready to have them take you home.
So...
Okay.
Oh, and also, next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry.
That's what's supposed to happen.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Ready? - Uh-huh?
Good luck.
All right, the score is nine to eight in favor of the guys.
Ladies, if you miss this, the game is theirs. Pick your category.
"It's All Relative"!
- You don't have to shout everything. - I'm sorry!
Ooh. "What is the name of Chandler's father's...
...Las Vegas all-male burlesque?"
Viva Las Gaygas.
Unfortunately, that is correct.
Yes.
All right. We have a tie.
Luckily, I've prepared for such an event.
- The Lightning Round. ALL: Ooh.
Thirty seconds. All the questions you can answer.
You guys are dead.
I am so good at Lightning Rounds.
I majored in Lightning Rounds, all right?
- We're gonna destroy you. - Want to bet?
Oh, I'm so confused as to what we've been doing so far.
How about we play for more money? Say 150?
One hundred and fifty dollars.
Say 200?
Two hundred dollars.
You're doing it again.
Excuse me.
- Monica, I don't want to lose $200. - We won't.
- Okay. - Three hundred?
- Monica. - I'm just trying to spice it up.
Okay, so then play for some pepper. Stop spending my money.
I got it.
How about if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster.
Ooh, that's interesting.
Hey, no way. That rooster's family.
- Throw in the duck too. - What do you have against the duck?
- It doesn't make noise. - Well, he gets the other one all riled up.
- Look, we are not... - All right, hold on.
If you win...
...we give up the bird. - Aah!
But if we win...
...we get your apartment.
Ooh!
Deal!
Monica, betting the apartment? I don't know about this.
Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game.
I own this game.
Look at my hand.
Why, do you have the answers written on there?
No. Steady as a rock. Now, are you with me?
- All right, let's do it. Okay. - Come on.
ROSS: All right. Gentlemen, you're up first.
CHANDLER & JOEY: Okay.
You have 30 seconds.
The Lightning Round begins...
Stop it.
Now. "What was Monica's nickname when she was a field-hockey goalie?"
- Big Fat Goalie. - Correct.
"Rachel claims this is her favorite movie."
- Dangerous Liaisons. ROSS: Correct.
- "Her actual favorite is?" Correct. - Weekend at Bernie's.
"In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?"
Oh!
Ew, no!
Her ear.
All right, "Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?"
- Okay, everyday use. - Fancy.
- Guest. - Fancy guest.
- Two seconds. - Uh, eleven?
Eleven. Unbelievable. Eleven is correct.
Yes!
All right.
That's four for the guys. Ladies, you're up.
All right, all right, come on!
Thirty seconds on the clock.
Five correct questions wins the game.
The Lightning Round begins now. "What is Joey's favorite food?"
- Sandwiches. ROSS: Correct.
"Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?"
- Fourteen? - No, 19.
Thanks, man.
"Joey had an imaginary childhood friend.
- His name was..." - Maurice.
- "His profession was?" - Space cowboy.
ROSS: Correct.
"What is Chandler Bing's job?"
Oh.
Oh, gosh. It has something to do with numbers.
- And processing. - And he carries a briefcase.
Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.
It has something to do with transponding.
Oh! Oh! He's a transponster.
That's not even a word!
I can get this. I can get this.
No!
BOTH: Yes!
- I call Monica's room. - You can't just call Monica's room.
Sure I can. Standard Shotgun Rules. I'm in sight of the room and I called it.
[SCOFFS]
[MOUTHS] Damn.
Man, I feel like I'm coming down with something.
JOEY: Oh. - Yeah.
Bet you can't guess what color my tonsils are. I bet the apartment.
Oh, I would never bet this apartment. It's too nice.
- Hey. - Ooh, Pheebs, are they in there?
Um, yeah, uh-huh, I'm implanted.
- How do you feel? - Well, freaked.
Because it turns out the odds are, like, really sucky.
And this is Frank and Alice's, like, only shot.
I mean, they are, like, literally putting all their eggs in my basket.
Yeah, but I bet it works.
Really? How much?
All right, I'm gonna go take a pregnancy test right now.
Oh, wow. You can tell this soon?
Well, the doctor says it takes a couple days.
But, I mean, my body's always been a little faster than Western medicine, so...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, my God. I can't believe you guys actually think you're moving in here.
Well, believe it, baby.
Well, I'm not moving.
What?
No. It was a stupid bet. We were just playing a game.
You just can't ignore the bet. It's a bet.
You bet on a bet, and if you lose, you lose the bet.
Rach, we have to move.
If we had lost, we would have made them get rid of the birds.
[SCOFFS]
No.
All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better...
...this is all your fault.
- What? - Chanandler Bong.
Come on, we steal that TV Guide every week.
I knew it.
I don't care. I'm not going anywhere.
Cool. Girl roommate.
[SCOFFS]
MONICA: Well?
Nope, not knocked up yet.
It's only been a couple hours, so just give it some time.
Yeah, all right. Meanwhile, I'm gonna do whatever I can to help this...
...so I'm just gonna, you know, lie in your chair, okay?
You know, just...
Yeah, good. I'm gonna let gravity, you know, do its jobs.
Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?
No. Put that box down. We are not going anywhere!
This is my apartment and I like it.
This is a girl's apartment.
That is a boy's apartment. It's dirty and it smells.
This is pretty. It's so pretty.
And look, and it's purple.
And I'm telling you, you with your steady hand, I am not moving.
And now I have got the steady hand.
- I'll take care of it. RACHEL: That's right.
You do what the hand says.
- How'd it go? - I lost our mattresses.
[PHOEBE PLAYING GUITAR]
[SINGING] Are you in there, little fetus?
In nine months, will you come greet us?
I will buy you some Adidas
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Hi. - Hi.
Oh, hi, Phoebe?
Um, we were just at the drugstore, um, so we got you a little present.
Um, it's a lollipop and a home pregnancy test.
Hey, don't mix those up. You could really ruin that lollipop.
So, um, you feel like taking a test? There's only one question.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
All right. I will. No, I will.
But, um, you know, just remember that it's still really early.
Okay, so if it says that I'm not pregnant...
...that doesn't mean I'm not gonna get pregnant, okay?
And just, please, just so I don't go completely nuts...
...just try not to put all your hopes on this, okay?
BOTH: Okay.
[SQUEALS]
Great.
[LAUGHS]
You know what? You are mean boys who are just being mean.
Hey, don't get mad at us. No one forced you to raise the stakes.
That is not true. She did. She forced me.
We'd still be here if you hadn't got the question wrong.
Well, it was a stupid, unfair question!
Don't blame the questions!
Would you all stop yelling in our apartment?
You are ruining moving day for us.
- Would you stop calling it your apartment? - It is ours.
[ALL SHOUTING]
Guys, you guys, you're gonna have a baby.
They're gonna have a baby.
My sister's going to have my baby!
[ALL SHOUTING]
Okay, but this can't be good for the baby.
[ALL CHEERING]
I can't find garbage bags.
Oh, I think I saw some in here.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
What is it?
I don't know. But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, it'll die.
I can't believe we're living here.
[BIRDS CLUCKING AND QUACKING]
[JOEY YELLS]
What? What is it?
Did you see the size of the closets?
I can't believe we live here.
[BOTH GROANING]
[English - US - SDH]