1 00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,701 Oh, my God! Mom, the party is around the block. 2 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,714 - I'll be gone for two hours. - That is two hours you could spend studying. 3 00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,709 I have been studying all weekend. 4 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:12,755 No friends, no phone. Just me alone with books. 5 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,305 I feel like Alex. 6 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,884 You're never alone when you have books. 7 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:18,097 Really? Is that what you want me to turn into? 8 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,343 Sweetheart, listen to me. This is the S.A.T.'s, okay? 9 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,643 It is not some stupid science quiz. 10 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,225 Hey, if science quizzes are so stupid... 11 00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:26,107 why do you put mine up on the refrigerator? 12 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,518 Because we feel sorry for you, 'cause books are your friends. 13 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:32,147 Yeah, she wasn't studying last night... she was video chatting the whole time. 14 00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:34,648 - I knew it. I knew it. - Shut up! You are such a tattle... 15 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,151 - Girls, take it down a notch, because I... - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 16 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:40,246 What's the hot topic on The View today, ladies? 17 00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:41,910 Dad, can you just please tell Mom... 18 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,574 that I can take a two-hour break and go to a party? 19 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:48,370 No, ma'am. I'm not stepping into that one. We're not playing good cop/Mom. 20 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,792 - - I got it. 21 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,922 - Hello. - You call for a plumber? 22 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,718 - Uh, no, we did not. - Oh, yes, we did. We did. 23 00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,350 We did? - Plumber, hi. Yeah. 24 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:02,305 - Um, it's at the top of the stairs. - Really, Claire? 25 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,973 Didn't I tell you I'd fix the tub? 26 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,353 Yes, you did. I think I was pregnant with Luke at the time. 27 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:10,142 That is not fair. I've done everything you've asked me to do around here. 28 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:13,154 I fixed the step, didn't I? Look how solid it is. 29 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,279 I'm like Shirley Temple and that black guy. 30 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:19,281 - Bill "Bojangles" Robinson. - Bill "Bojangles" Robinson! I said it first. 31 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:22,657 So this is the problem. Uh, faucet just keeps leaking. 32 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,371 Yeah, it's a cracked washer, if I know my washers. 33 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,168 And it's, uh, been leaking a little water. 34 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,713 Yeah, could be a washer... 35 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,466 a cracked valve, a stripped pipe. 36 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,957 Well, I guess I'm not a professional plumber... 37 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,590 but I have spent a huge amount of time in that tub. 38 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,634 I can tell you from experience, or at least what it feels like in there. 39 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,263 # Hey, hey # 40 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,394 # Hey, hey # 41 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,474 # Hey, hey # 42 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:50,441 # Hey, hey # 43 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,690 # Hey ## 44 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,908 Oh, good. You're back. 45 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:02,030 I need you to help settle a spat between our blacksmith and that chimney sweep. 46 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,494 Be nice. It took me 20 minutes to find my opera cloak. 47 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,410 I still can't believe you didn't have to rent any of that. 48 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,708 Oh, please. Do you know how many times this has paid for itself? 49 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:09,875 Has it? 50 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,205 Our friend Pepper loves to throw theme parties. 51 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,173 Yes, he does. And this weekend... 52 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:17,046 is his first annual Oscar Wilde and Crazy brunch. 53 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,755 We're still recovering from his Studio 54th of July barbecue. 54 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,509 - They were fun at first. - Uh... 55 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,724 But they have become a lot of work. 56 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,481 - You have to dress in costume. - You have to assume a character. 57 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,853 I... I can't believe you ever dated him. 58 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:34,271 One date. It was the '90s. We'd just lost Princess Di. 59 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:36,770 - I was at sea. 60 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,902 Uh, Cam, can we just... Can we please cancel? 61 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,528 I wish we could, but you know he's still mad at us for missing Passover. 62 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:46,113 Oh, right. Seder Day Night Fever. 63 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,702 Just go get dressed and powdered. 64 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,580 Oh. Pepper has done the impossible... 65 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,912 He's made two gay men hate brunch. 66 00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:01,175 It might be easier just to pour the espresso right in the sugar. 67 00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,973 68 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,636 Every morning. 69 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,134 Jay, what are you wearing? You can't go to church like that. 70 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,056 Well, that settles it then. I'm going golfing. 71 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,725 You're gonna miss church again? 72 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,892 Last Sunday, you said that you had to go to the office. 73 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,143 The week before, you had breakfast with a friend. 74 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:18,820 And before that, you thought you had a cold that turned out not to be a cold. 75 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,114 - Because I babied it. - You don't have to convince us. 76 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,324 - You have to convince him. - Who, God? 77 00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,239 - Me and God are good. - How would you know? 78 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:28,000 Look, you feel God in church, which is great. 79 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,159 I feel God out in nature, amongst his works. 80 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:33,004 - Are you gonna go to church next week? - We'll see. 81 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:36,089 I know what "we'll see" means. If you're done with church, just say it. 82 00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:38,084 - I'm done with church. - Don't say that! 83 00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:41,213 Look, I'm not going to church anymore. It's not the end of the world. 84 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,511 - Let's not make a big deal out... 85 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,259 - Ah, ah... - Earthquake! 86 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,260 - ¡ Un terremoto! ¡ Vamos, vamos, Manny! 87 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,140 - ¡ Vamos, Jay! - Come on, Jay! 88 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,511 - Girls! 89 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,433 Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. 90 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,860 This is... This is stuck. 91 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,396 Oh, we're gonna die! We're gonna die! 92 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:03,950 We better not. If they find us in these outfits, it's gonna be very bad for the gays. 93 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,993 - Claire? - We're okay. 94 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,368 Dad! - Luke. 95 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,995 Buddy. You okay? 96 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,496 That thing almost fell on me. 97 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,959 I was sitting there, and it came this close to my head. 98 00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,918 It's all right. You're okay. You didn't get hurt. 99 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,049 Well, I'm not gonna wait around here until I do. 100 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,963 - Okay! 101 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,380 Wow. That is a doozy. 102 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:28,519 103 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,345 104 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,311 - Hey, are you guys okay? - Yeah, we're fine. 105 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,892 - You? - We're fine. 106 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,441 - That was really... - 107 00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:37,565 Oh, wait. Hold on. Hello? 108 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,060 - Mitch, are you okay? - We're okay. We're okay. 109 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:44,235 - And Phil and Claire? - I'm on the other line with them right now. One second. 110 00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,734 Hello? Oh, shoot. We lost Phil. 111 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,498 - We lost Phil? - We lost Phil? 112 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:50,862 - - Hello? 113 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,915 Great. Now Gloria's gone. 114 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:56,584 Gloria's gone too? Oh! 115 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:59,423 - Hey, Gloria. - ¡Ay, Dios mío! Phil, you're alive! 116 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,417 Yeah. Of course I'm alive. 117 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,760 For now. 118 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:09,307 For months, Claire has been after me and dogging me... 119 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,385 "Anchor the cabinet to the wall. 120 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,969 What if we have an earthquake? We've got kids in the house." 121 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,982 Blah, blah, blah. So... It finally reached the point... 122 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:21,361 where I hand no choice but to just roll up my sleeves and tell her I did it. 123 00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,657 124 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,070 Uh, Phil! 125 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,069 - Dad, get up here. - On my way. 126 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,115 - Seriously! I just fixed that. - Really? 127 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,080 - What's wrong? - Mom's stuck. 128 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,954 You okay in there? 129 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,167 We're fine. The door is jammed. 130 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,087 Oh, okay. Uh... 131 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:44,175 - Well, uh, let's try this together, okay? Okay. 132 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,755 Um, I'm gonna push... you pull. 133 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,297 - Okay. - On three. One, two, three... 134 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,726 Nothing. - Oh, dang it. 135 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:57,181 Okay, here's the thing. I wasn't pushing. In fact, I was pulling a little. 136 00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,061 It dawned on me that as long as Claire was stuck in the bathroom... 137 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:02,144 I'd have time to anchor the cabinet to the wall. 138 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,811 It's like they say, sometimes when God closes a door... 139 00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:08,572 he closes it so hard that your wife can't get out. 140 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:12,160 So, don't panic. I'm gonna get you out. I'm just gonna go get some tools. 141 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,907 Get a crowbar, if you have one. 142 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:17,664 What is that supposed to mean? Like I'm some dandy who doesn't have a crowbar? 143 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,662 Well, you did just use the word "dandy." 144 00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:22,756 "Dandy" is a term coined by miners in the 15th century. 145 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,000 Phil? Just get us out of here. 146 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:31,304 - Dad, how long is it gonna take to get her out of there? - Long time. 147 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,882 Oh, honey, don't worry. Mommy is gonna be out soon. 148 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,184 Don't panic. 149 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:39,687 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're not going to that party, young lady. 150 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,811 No, I'm not going to the party. I'm just going downstairs. 151 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,812 - With your purse? Come on. 152 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,072 Just cover for me this one time and I... 153 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,115 I'll drive you wherever you want. 154 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:52,241 I wanna go to the Museum of Tolerance. 155 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,618 Fine. How far is Tolerance? 156 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:58,158 I can hear the two of you scheming out there. Don't you dare leave this house. 157 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:01,371 Oh, why do you have to be such a psycho control freak? 158 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:04,037 Okay. You know what? Just for that, you are grounded one week. 159 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,876 Oh, that's good parenting. 160 00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:09,171 Okay. Two weeks. Wanna double it? Keep talking! 161 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,006 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! 162 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,553 Fine! Four weeks! Four! 163 00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,931 Double it again and make it 10 weeks! 164 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:19,803 Oh, my God! Do you not hear how much you need to study? 165 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,891 Mitchell, come on. We're gonna be late. 166 00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,810 Oh, I can't believe we have to do this. 167 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:27,318 Come on. After the earthquake, it might be nice to be around similarly dressed people. 168 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:29,731 That makes no... The... The earthquake. 169 00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:33,408 Okay. Okay. Yes. Yes, this... Okay. This is the perfect excuse. 170 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,618 - Why? We're fine. - Yeah, but Pepper doesn't know that. 171 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:38,493 You'll just tell him that we have some damage we have to deal with. 172 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:41,371 - Why me? - Because I'm the one that always cancels. 173 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,501 - Do not hand me that. I will not talk to him. - Hello? 174 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,747 - I'm a bad liar. Do not hand me that. - He's on. Pick up. 175 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:49,589 - You're doing it. Do it. - I think somebody's talking. Hello? 176 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:53,676 Hi, Pepper. Listen, hi. Hey, it's Cameron. 177 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,888 - How are you doing over there? - Great. 178 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,763 Well, the earthquake... Yeah, it was huge here. 179 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,261 So, obviously, we're not... we're not gonna be able to make it. 180 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,314 - Why not? - Well, some dishes broke. 181 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,938 - You can sweep them up later. - And, um... Well, yeah, I guess... 182 00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:09,147 I guess we could sweep those up, um, later. 183 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,113 Our, uh... Our... Our hat rack... 184 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,073 - Our hat rack fell through the window. - Hat rack? 185 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,619 Well... Yeah, we do have a hat rack. 186 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,490 We thought it would force us to wear our hats more. And it did. 187 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,072 And there's water damage. There's water everywhere. 188 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,246 A bookshelf fell... 189 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,912 on Mitchell's leg. 190 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,541 Mitchell's hurt, Pepper. Mitchell's hurt real bad. 191 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:28,252 - I'm coming right over. - No, you don't need to come over. 192 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,002 - I'm coming. - Pepper, no! 193 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,588 194 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,216 - He's coming over. - See? Kind of panicked. 195 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,678 You did panic, Cam. You panicked real bad. 196 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,519 You're still going golfing? 197 00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,434 God sent you a sign, Jay. 198 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,399 What, the earthquake? You gotta be kidding me. 199 00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:51,400 You say that you're never going to church again, and the ground shakes with a vengeance. 200 00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:54,159 I'll prove it to you. God, if you have a problem with me golfing... 201 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,701 - Shh. - Send me a sign. 202 00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,992 I mean, throw in a little lightning. Put on a show. 203 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,156 - Don't talk to God like that! - Now, trust me... 204 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:03,997 if God had a problem with me, he would let me know without shaking the whole city. 205 00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,746 He would be a little more specific. 206 00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,411 I'm not gonna argue with you. I don't wanna get upset. 207 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,001 Vámonos, Manny. 208 00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:12,499 - I think I'm gonna skip it today. - What? 209 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:16,094 - I like what Jay said about God being in nature. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 210 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:19,182 Don't listen to him. His days are numbered! 211 00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,509 Think about it, Mom. It makes sense. 212 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,770 God made the trees and the grass. He didn't make that church. 213 00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:28,060 But he made the people that makes the church, and you're making me angry! 214 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,694 - Vámonos. - Just one week. 215 00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,020 Can I go golfing with you? 216 00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:35,814 I'm probably gonna have a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway. Might as well be you. 217 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,659 Fine. See what I care. Go. 218 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,703 Manny, go change. 219 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,698 Sorry, Mom. Hope you understand. 220 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:46,160 - Mmm. - Probably good for us to spend a little time together. 221 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,958 You're gonna spend eternity together! 222 00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,213 Damn it! 223 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,090 I suppose that was God too. 224 00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,803 I don't know who did it, but it makes me happy. 225 00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:02,435 Ah! 226 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:04,897 227 00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:07,435 228 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,316 - What are you doing? - Hey, buddy. 229 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:12,070 Oh, just double-checking these straps. This is an extra. 230 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,727 These babies saved your life. That's why this cabinet barely moved. 231 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,780 - It fell all the way to the couch. - Mm-mmm. 232 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,527 - It almost killed me. - No, it didn't. 233 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,738 This cabinet barely moved. That's just perspective playing tricks on your mind. 234 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,404 Like, if I hold up my thumb, it looks bigger than your head. 235 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:27,204 - No, it doesn't. It looks tiny. - You have to look at it from over here. 236 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,417 How can I look at my head from over there? 237 00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:32,209 Phil? - Why don't you just lie down. 238 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,588 I gotta make sure your mom's still stuck. 239 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,250 So she... I can get her out. 240 00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:39,671 Don't fall asleep. 241 00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,259 Sorry I took... 242 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,927 You filthy... 243 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,726 Sorry I took so long. 244 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,433 I'm gonna go ahead and just take off the doorknob, okay? 245 00:10:47,523 --> 00:10:49,349 - Okay. - Here we go. 246 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,683 - Oh, it's... Oh, damn. 247 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,980 What? What happened? - I, uh, brought the wrong screwdriver. 248 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:58,275 - So I'll be right back. - All right. But hurry up, Phil. 249 00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,944 Doing my best, Claire. 250 00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:02,608 Oh, don't talk back, Dad. She'll just ground you! 251 00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:05,990 That's 32 weeks, young lady! 252 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,159 I was at 16 before, right? 253 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,576 - What? - Nothin'. 254 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:14,245 Don't judge me until you've had a teenage girl. 255 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,250 - I've had four of 'em. - God. 256 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,300 How did you survive that? 257 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,756 Girls were a piece of cake. It was the boy. 258 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,888 Every look on his face... 259 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,431 - every stupid decision he made... - Mmm. 260 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,470 The way he sat there chewing his food like an idiot. 261 00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:33,235 Then it hit me why this kid drove me so crazy... 262 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,901 He's me. 263 00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,277 Well, all the more reason she should listen to me. 264 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,822 I can stop her from making the same mistakes. 265 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,484 - Did you listen to your mother? - No. God, no. 266 00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:50,036 But, you know, I had a reason. That woman was a psycho control... freak. 267 00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,618 Hey, Mom, I brought you some soda. 268 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,500 I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats. 269 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:58,461 Oh, thank you, Luke. 270 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,130 That's my sweetie. 271 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,055 I was going to bring you wine, but you finished the big bottle last night. 272 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,883 Okay. Off you go. 273 00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:09,011 Hold this, will you, kid? 274 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,725 You know, Mitchell used to caddie for me. 275 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:15,101 Of course, he spent most of his time chasing butterflies. 276 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:16,901 - You won't catch me doing that. - Good for you. 277 00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:19,941 - I'm terrified of them. - Huh. 278 00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,526 Look at that. That's a perfect shot. 279 00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:23,360 And I hit that with a bent club. 280 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:26,785 So you're not worried about getting in trouble? You know, with God? 281 00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:29,577 Oh, I think he's got bigger things on his plate. 282 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,369 So you're not worried about hell? 283 00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:36,878 Let me let you in on a little secret, kid. There is no hell. 284 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,337 Seriously? No hell? 285 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,383 That's fantastic. 286 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,973 - So everyone just goes to heaven? - Yep. End of story. 287 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:50,970 - Even bad people? - Yeah, they're... they're... They're in another section. 288 00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:52,723 See, they got this thing figured out. 289 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,309 Can I hit this? 290 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:02,313 Damn it. You distracted me. 291 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,981 - I didn't say anything. - I could hear you thinking. 292 00:13:05,077 --> 00:13:07,615 I'm thinking about this heaven of yours that's full of bad people. 293 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,242 Not full. The tiniest fraction. 294 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,001 - They're walled in. - What if they break out? 295 00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:15,955 They're surrounded by a lake of fire. 296 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,873 There are fiery lakes in heaven? 297 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,791 This is turning into hell. 298 00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,879 Tell me about it. 299 00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,011 What are you doing? 300 00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:34,052 Well, you promised Pepper broken dishes, so... I'm breaking dishes. 301 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,270 No, not my frog. I know you think it's tacky... 302 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,941 but I happen to have won this at my first 4-H summer camp in a hollerin' contest. 303 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,780 Well, we wouldn't have to break anything if you were a better liar. 304 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,949 If you're trying to make me feel bad about not being as good a liar as you... 305 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:49,119 - What are you doing? - A hat rack fell through the window. Remember? 306 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,695 One, two, three... 307 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,415 308 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,576 Mitchell, wait. 309 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,500 L-I... I can't do this. I quit. 310 00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,629 You might be comfortable with all this lying, but I'm not. 311 00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:04,552 Oh, please. Where was all this conscience... 312 00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,008 when I got us into the first-class lounge at the airport... 313 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:08,639 and you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off? 314 00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,800 You know what you are? You're like a mob wife. 315 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,517 You look down at me and my ways... 316 00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:15,473 but you're happy to wear the mink coat that fell off the back of the truck. 317 00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:17,936 - How dare you. 318 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,400 Okay. 319 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,987 - I know. I know. 320 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,866 It really hit us bad. 321 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:31,486 No. I'm just always surprised how small this place is. 322 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,822 Pepper, you didn't have to leave your party to come check on us. 323 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:36,122 Great costume, by the way. 324 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:39,127 This isn't my costume. I just threw this on to help you clean up. 325 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:41,039 Well, about your party... 326 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,625 Oh, don't worry about canceling. 327 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:46,465 At least you have an excuse, unlike Steven and Stefan. 328 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,213 They said they had the flu. 329 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:50,974 Meantime, I just saw them out riding their bicycle. 330 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,849 Oh, Pepper, that is horrible. 331 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,559 I-I'm gonna make you a cocktail. 332 00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:58,310 Oh, honey, don't go to any trouble. I'll just have a Kir Royale. 333 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,814 I mean, my God. If they didn't want to come to my party, just say it. 334 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,526 I'm a big boy. I can take it. 335 00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:07,526 Well, since you brought it up, Pepper... 336 00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,988 we didn't want to come to your party either. 337 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,994 - What? - Oh, you know we love you. 338 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,496 But they've just gotten to be so much work over the years, and... 339 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,042 We're all out of cassis. 340 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,700 - I can't bear it. - I will make you a Bellini. 341 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:23,369 Everybody canceled on me. 342 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,873 And now you two. 343 00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:29,917 For 15 years, I have killed myself setting a community standard... 344 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,339 with my fanciful themed brunches... 345 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,137 mounted at great personal expense. 346 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:37,220 Well, clearly I've been a fool. 347 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,222 No one likes your brunches, Pepper. 348 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,640 No one likes you. 349 00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,059 You're gonna die alone... 350 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:48,197 in a quaint Spanish revival outside of Palm Springs. 351 00:15:48,282 --> 00:15:50,239 Or La Quinta. 352 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,405 353 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,071 - I told him. - Yeah. 354 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,656 Yeah, I puzzled that out. 355 00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,869 356 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:56,999 I just don't understand this bad section of heaven. 357 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,240 I just don't understand this bad section of heaven. 358 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,126 What if they send you to the wrong place? 359 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,003 They make mistakes with paperwork sometimes. 360 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,709 I was put in a girl's health class last year... 361 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,421 - and had to watch a very disturbing movie. - Calm down. 362 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:11,381 Instead of thinking all morning about what heaven's gonna look like... 363 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,963 what it's not gonna look like, who's where... 364 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,967 if there even is a heaven... 365 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:21,220 why don't we just concentrate on this beautiful, carefree day that's in front of us? 366 00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:23,853 I'd rather concentrate on something you just said. 367 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,433 - There might not even be a heaven? - I don't know. 368 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:29,102 You seemed pretty sure of yourself this morning. 369 00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:31,439 So what happens after you die? There's just nothing? 370 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:35,198 Look. You're focusing too much on one little thing that I said. 371 00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:36,947 It was just a hunch, okay? 372 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:39,956 A hunch? I'm skipping church based on a hunch? 373 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:42,414 - All right, all right. Don't freak out on me, kid. 374 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:45,420 You're playing pretty fast and loose with my soul. 375 00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:47,582 Listen. I want you to forget everything that I said, okay? 376 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,797 Some things can't be forgotten, Jay. 377 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:53,218 Do you know what menstruation is? Because I do. 378 00:16:58,769 --> 00:17:00,144 Perfect. 379 00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:02,138 - Hey... - What-What are you doing? 380 00:17:02,231 --> 00:17:05,600 - Aren't you supposed to be getting Mom out of the bathroom? - That is what I was doing. 381 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,476 That is what I was doing. This ca... This cabinet was the problem. 382 00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,943 - How? - Yeah, it's very heavy. 383 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:15,567 And because it was properly anchored to the wall, it was sort of a ripple effect. 384 00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:19,160 It was pulling part of the floor down... 385 00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:23,032 and then pushing part of the floor up, causing the bathroom door... 386 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,084 Please don't tell on me. 387 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,914 I don't know who I am anymore. 388 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,167 Who am I? 389 00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,500 I'm a joke, that's who. 390 00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:33,590 - No. - No. 391 00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:35,173 You're not a joke. 392 00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:37,340 You're Pepper Saltzman. 393 00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,259 I think I'd better just go. 394 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,435 If anything terrible should happen... 395 00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:45,557 don't feel an obligation to attend my memorial... 396 00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,689 New York or L.A. 397 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,860 Pepper. Pepper, you... you didn't let me finish. 398 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,698 The reason we didn't want to come to your party is... 399 00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:55,691 Mitchell... 400 00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:56,982 Seriously? 401 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,655 - Who's a mob wife? - I'm a mob wife. 402 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,619 I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. 403 00:18:00,706 --> 00:18:03,031 I'm a mob wife. 404 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:08,665 - Okay, um, Pepper, this is a little embarrassing. - I don't even want to hear it. 405 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,293 Cameron still has feelings for you. 406 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:16,211 - Go on. - Yeah, and it's just... it's very hard for him... 407 00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:17,763 to be around you... 408 00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:21,015 especially at your magical brunches... 409 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,972 where you're just... you're... you're so magnetic. 410 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,636 And then I see the way that he looks at you, and... 411 00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:30,350 Damn it, Pep... It just makes me so mad that I could just... 412 00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:33,895 - Oh! - Really? 413 00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:36,906 Oh, you don't know the pain, Cam. 414 00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:42,331 Oh, boys... Boys, I can't stand that I'm coming between you. 415 00:18:43,332 --> 00:18:45,620 - Not that I'm surprised. 416 00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:49,458 I admit I have noticed the stolen glances and the yearning in your eyes. 417 00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:53,331 Okay. Well, you'll... you'll forgive us, Pepper... 418 00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:55,169 if we sit out your next few brunches? 419 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,052 Absolutely. 420 00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,969 I would hate to lose you two. 421 00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:03,679 I've always thought of you as being like my... 422 00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,429 - Sons? - Sons? 423 00:19:05,521 --> 00:19:06,683 Sons? 424 00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,601 I was gonna say brothers. 425 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,186 426 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,399 It's like a house of pain. 427 00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:15,111 428 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,857 - All right, Claire. You ready? - Okay, ready? 429 00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:18,526 - I'm ready. Okay, go. - All right, I'm going. 430 00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:20,526 - All right. Go! - Okay, go. Go! Go! 431 00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:22,446 Oh, got it! Got it! Oh! 432 00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:24,614 - It's moving! It did! - All right. All right. We got it. 433 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:27,541 - Thank God. Oh, thank God. Thank God. Thank God. - Go. 434 00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,417 Phil? Phil? 435 00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,495 Honey... Phil, where are you? Phil... 436 00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,832 Are you kidding me? Not the... 437 00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:35,921 Phil! 438 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,087 - Phil! - Hey. 439 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,135 What happened to you? You disappeared for 20 minutes. 440 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,760 We just had to break ourselves out of that bathroom. 441 00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:46,301 - I am so happy to see you. Get in here. - Oh, no. No, no. Seriously. 442 00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:48,103 What happened? 443 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:49,647 Dad was incredible. 444 00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,483 He was running around here, turning off the gas line... 445 00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:56,316 cleaning up broken glass and taking care of Luke after he ran into a wall. 446 00:19:56,405 --> 00:19:59,987 I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down. 447 00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:02,151 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 448 00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:05,450 Um... I'm sorry. 449 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,282 - Well, don't worry about it. - Um, I'm sorry. 450 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:10,043 - Don't. - I was so nervous. I freaked out. 451 00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:12,452 It's all right. It's all right. 452 00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:14,669 - I think it was a little bit of a rough morning. - Yes. 453 00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,500 - Wasn't it? - Yes, it was. 454 00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:19,593 I don't know about you guys, but I just wanna relax and put my feet up. 455 00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:22,086 - At the Museum of Tolerance. Who's in? 456 00:20:22,181 --> 00:20:24,932 - I am! - You are. Okay. Let's do it. 457 00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:29,515 There's nothing mystical about an earthquake. 458 00:20:29,605 --> 00:20:32,440 Pressure builds, and it's released. 459 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,268 460 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,933 And you just hope there's not too much damage. 461 00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:42,818 But it makes you realize what matters. And for me, that's my family. 462 00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:46,195 - I'll put in a good word for you. - You're the best, kid. 463 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,830 My family and golf. 464 00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:50,203 465 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:53,337 Well, if heaven's in the sky, what do you walk on? 466 00:20:53,337 --> 00:20:55,709 Well, if heaven's in the sky, what do you walk on? 467 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,205 Manny, don't be ridiculous. The clouds. 468 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,669 That makes no sense. Clouds are air. You'd fall right through them. 469 00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:04,549 The clouds in heaven... they're like trampolines. 470 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,391 I don't like trampolines. They make me seasick. 471 00:21:07,476 --> 00:21:10,228 Manny, stop worrying. Heaven is a beautiful place... 472 00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:15,021 with sunshine and rainbows and butterflies. 473 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,307 - Butterflies? - Ay. No, no, no, no, no. 474 00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,311 - Ah! I didn't say butterflies. 475 00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:20,028 Manny, there's no butterflies! 476 00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:25,858 English - US - SDH