1 00:00:04,769 --> 00:00:08,966 Come on, boys! It's leap day, not sleep day! 2 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,288 I love leap day! 3 00:00:13,289 --> 00:00:15,094 It's kind of a big deal in the Dunphy house. 4 00:00:15,095 --> 00:00:16,729 This year, we even got Manny involved. 5 00:00:16,730 --> 00:00:19,385 You're given this gift of 24 extra hours. 6 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,145 You can't waste it at work or school. 7 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,888 You have to do something extraordinary, 8 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,698 - something shocking. - Mm. 9 00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:28,454 This year, the entire family is taking a trapeze class. 10 00:00:28,455 --> 00:00:29,749 How extraordinary is that? 11 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:30,696 It was my idea. 12 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:31,872 How shocking is that? 13 00:00:31,873 --> 00:00:34,214 I can be spontaneous every four years. 14 00:00:34,215 --> 00:00:35,451 I can't wait. 15 00:00:35,682 --> 00:00:37,149 Leap day is stupid. 16 00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:39,325 You're not understanding the logic behind it. 17 00:00:39,553 --> 00:00:43,411 A year is actually 365.25 days. 18 00:00:43,412 --> 00:00:45,626 Every four years, we gain one day. 19 00:00:45,627 --> 00:00:48,268 If we didn't adjust the calendar in, say, 40 years, 20 00:00:48,311 --> 00:00:50,916 February would almost be January. 21 00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:54,887 That's not my problem, and it's definitely not your problem. 22 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:55,522 Look at this. 23 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,396 The housekeeper turned another one of my whites pink. 24 00:00:58,436 --> 00:01:00,384 I can't wear this to a sports bar. 25 00:01:00,385 --> 00:01:02,497 Mm, they're to going to be looking at you, Jay. 26 00:01:02,498 --> 00:01:04,236 Somebody's feeling pretty good about herself. 27 00:01:04,237 --> 00:01:06,147 They're going to be watching the match. 28 00:01:06,573 --> 00:01:08,125 You meant you a little bit. 29 00:01:09,712 --> 00:01:10,947 Okay, put it in there. 30 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,372 All right, very quietly, 31 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:15,926 we're gonna go to daddy's bedroom, open the door, 32 00:01:15,927 --> 00:01:17,270 and-- Aah! 33 00:01:18,949 --> 00:01:20,488 Happy Birthday to me. 34 00:01:20,489 --> 00:01:23,036 I'm 10! 40! 35 00:01:23,097 --> 00:01:24,609 I was born February 29th, 36 00:01:24,610 --> 00:01:26,159 and there have been ten of those... 37 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,750 In my lifetime, therefore I'm 10! 38 00:01:28,751 --> 00:01:29,665 It's fun. 39 00:01:29,666 --> 00:01:31,476 It's so much fun. 40 00:01:31,637 --> 00:01:33,915 Anyway, I-I've spent the last four years 41 00:01:33,916 --> 00:01:36,043 trying to figure to what kind of party to throw this one. 42 00:01:36,044 --> 00:01:37,352 Oh, honey, you know I'd be fine 43 00:01:37,353 --> 00:01:39,421 with just a nice casual evening at home with you. 44 00:01:39,422 --> 00:01:40,775 Don't--don't even. 45 00:01:40,863 --> 00:01:42,955 No. No! That's what he said last time. 46 00:01:44,661 --> 00:01:47,059 Okay, birthday boy, what's it gonna be-- 47 00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:48,700 rom com or horror? 48 00:01:48,701 --> 00:01:50,946 Or we can do both and watch "maid in Manhattan." 49 00:01:51,175 --> 00:01:52,203 Whatcha doing? 50 00:01:52,311 --> 00:01:53,854 Canceling our baby. 51 00:02:07,537 --> 00:02:10,172 Okay, love to dad. Bye! Mwah! 52 00:02:13,062 --> 00:02:14,714 Daddy, what are you doing? 53 00:02:14,715 --> 00:02:16,422 Yeah, daddy, what are you doing? 54 00:02:17,007 --> 00:02:19,726 Snooping for hints about your birthday? Wow. 55 00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:20,863 No, I-- come on. 56 00:02:20,864 --> 00:02:23,541 No, I'm just excited, and I wanna be helpful. 57 00:02:23,542 --> 00:02:25,358 I know party planning isn't your thing. 58 00:02:25,359 --> 00:02:26,412 Wow. 59 00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:28,542 Y-you need to trust me, cam. 60 00:02:28,543 --> 00:02:30,124 I know, and I do. 61 00:02:30,219 --> 00:02:32,236 It's not like you're gonna do anything tired, 62 00:02:32,237 --> 00:02:33,981 like appletinis or ice sculptures. 63 00:02:33,982 --> 00:02:35,617 Or synthetic napkins or anything mylar. 64 00:02:35,618 --> 00:02:36,812 Cam, that's enough! 65 00:02:36,813 --> 00:02:39,100 I've been paying for your last party for four years. 66 00:02:39,101 --> 00:02:40,918 And I find it a little insulting 67 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:42,671 that you don't think I can pull this off. 68 00:02:42,672 --> 00:02:43,611 You know what? 69 00:02:44,489 --> 00:02:46,340 I trust you. I'm letting go. 70 00:02:46,341 --> 00:02:47,901 - Okay. - Okay? 71 00:02:48,414 --> 00:02:49,541 You know orange is over, right? 72 00:02:49,542 --> 00:02:51,339 It's a simple party. I can do it. 73 00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:52,469 Simple. 74 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,355 Perfect. 75 00:02:55,137 --> 00:02:57,205 Yeah, just a simple party. 76 00:02:57,238 --> 00:03:00,727 I'm simply taking Cam's favorite movie, "The Wizard of Oz," 77 00:03:00,728 --> 00:03:03,862 and turning our house into an Oz-themed extravaganza-- 78 00:03:03,863 --> 00:03:07,327 yellow brick carpet, waitstaff in full costume, 79 00:03:07,328 --> 00:03:09,536 and custom-made Ruby slippers for Cam. 80 00:03:09,579 --> 00:03:11,015 Whazzup?! 81 00:03:11,273 --> 00:03:12,733 So is this safe? 82 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:13,600 It's a trapeze. 83 00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:16,645 Relax. More people are killed by knife-wielding strangers 84 00:03:16,646 --> 00:03:18,359 than from trapezing. 85 00:03:18,568 --> 00:03:20,323 I'm thinking about going home now. 86 00:03:26,796 --> 00:03:28,236 Honey, are you okay? 87 00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:29,663 I'm fine. 88 00:03:30,242 --> 00:03:31,182 I'm watching... 89 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:32,849 It's so sad. 90 00:03:35,136 --> 00:03:37,189 Oh, no. Not today. 91 00:03:37,638 --> 00:03:38,467 What's wrong? 92 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,431 Nothing. No, your mom's just, uh... 93 00:03:40,924 --> 00:03:41,764 Feeling emotional. 94 00:03:41,765 --> 00:03:44,725 She was like this last month and the month before 95 00:03:44,811 --> 00:03:45,958 and the month before. 96 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,700 What?! I could kill someone! 97 00:03:47,701 --> 00:03:49,249 No, I can't hear you! 98 00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:52,726 This stupid phone gets no reception in this stupid house! Aah! 99 00:03:54,839 --> 00:03:55,848 Dear God, no. 100 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:57,485 I'd heard rumors. 101 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,477 Yeah, we all had, 102 00:03:59,917 --> 00:04:02,205 that females living or working in close quarters 103 00:04:02,206 --> 00:04:05,042 could eventually get on the same... cycle. 104 00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:06,908 But I always assumed that was a story designed 105 00:04:06,909 --> 00:04:08,890 to keep women out of submarine corps. 106 00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,826 This isn't milk. What's wrong with me today? 107 00:04:13,827 --> 00:04:15,496 My brain's not working right. 108 00:04:15,497 --> 00:04:16,543 No. 109 00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:18,251 I can't focus... 110 00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:20,819 Three legs? 111 00:04:21,056 --> 00:04:22,341 It's not fair. 112 00:04:22,342 --> 00:04:23,365 I know. 113 00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:24,851 Oh, no! It's sad. 114 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,364 Oh, my God. They're gonna ruin everything. 115 00:04:27,365 --> 00:04:30,197 No. We--we just need to be extra sensitive. 116 00:04:30,198 --> 00:04:31,887 Phil, honey, when do we need to leave? 117 00:04:31,888 --> 00:04:34,267 Whenever's good for you, sweetie. Maybe 20 minutes? 118 00:04:34,268 --> 00:04:35,659 - 20 minutes?! - Then which one is it, Phil? 119 00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:38,993 Is it whenever it's good for me or is it 20 minutes?! 120 00:04:38,994 --> 00:04:40,275 Whenever you're ready! 121 00:04:40,826 --> 00:04:43,348 It happened-- Satan's trifecta. 122 00:04:50,714 --> 00:04:52,072 They're gonna ruin trapezing. 123 00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,473 I bet they don't even catch me. 124 00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:56,339 Why are you so afraid of them? They're reasonable. 125 00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:57,899 Why don't we just suggest they stay home, 126 00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:59,908 - considering they're all on their menst-- - Shh! 127 00:05:00,122 --> 00:05:02,078 The first rule of dealing with the cycle-- 128 00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:03,573 you never mention the cycle. 129 00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:04,945 You tiptoe around it. 130 00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:07,587 The woman's actually taken great pains 131 00:05:07,588 --> 00:05:09,871 to hide the monster she's become. 132 00:05:09,872 --> 00:05:12,999 But if you acknowledge it, that brings the monster forth. 133 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,345 My God. 134 00:05:14,551 --> 00:05:16,090 And there's three of them. 135 00:05:16,091 --> 00:05:17,170 It's okay. 136 00:05:17,989 --> 00:05:19,306 I have a plan. 137 00:05:20,246 --> 00:05:22,891 It's kind of traditional for people to lean in 138 00:05:22,892 --> 00:05:24,727 when somebody says, "I have a plan." 139 00:05:26,476 --> 00:05:27,283 Okay... 140 00:05:27,284 --> 00:05:31,531 Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! 141 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:32,650 Ooh! No! 142 00:05:32,651 --> 00:05:34,716 Si! Si! Si! Si! 143 00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:37,030 Goal! 144 00:05:37,031 --> 00:05:39,469 Goal! 145 00:05:39,470 --> 00:05:41,931 You should call your country "the never-lands" 146 00:05:41,932 --> 00:05:44,126 - because you're never-- - Ja, because we are never going to win. 147 00:05:44,127 --> 00:05:45,612 You said that a billion times. 148 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:46,849 Just go home. 149 00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:49,219 Why don't you Dutch people go home? 150 00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:51,513 Someone should shut your Colombian mouth! 151 00:05:51,514 --> 00:05:53,927 - Okay, I wanna see you try! - Uh, is there a problem over here? 152 00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,609 Yes. There is a problem, and you're married to her. 153 00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:58,868 Really? Well, let me make a suggestion. 154 00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:01,916 Why don't you sit down, I send you over a beer, 155 00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:03,429 my wife and I watch from over there? 156 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,324 That way, everybody enjoys the game-- 157 00:06:05,337 --> 00:06:08,302 except me, 'cause I prefer a game where something happens. 158 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,864 Gloria, let's go. 159 00:06:10,875 --> 00:06:11,964 Let's go. 160 00:06:14,045 --> 00:06:16,481 I thought you were going to punch that guy back there. 161 00:06:16,482 --> 00:06:18,286 Ah, I got 60 pounds on the kid. 162 00:06:18,287 --> 00:06:22,298 Yeah. It's just that I've heard so many stories about you fighting. 163 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:23,842 And-- it's not worth the trouble. 164 00:06:23,980 --> 00:06:26,533 Yeah, and he has all those friends and... 165 00:06:26,534 --> 00:06:28,033 Well, his friends had nothing to do with it. 166 00:06:28,034 --> 00:06:30,093 I mean, sometimes it's better to take the high road. 167 00:06:30,094 --> 00:06:32,214 Yeah, it's better that you walked away. 168 00:06:33,464 --> 00:06:34,627 Gloria, I get-- I get the impression 169 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,072 - you're disappointed I didn't punch that guy. - Of course not. 170 00:06:37,073 --> 00:06:40,986 Who needs all that manly, protect-your-woman stuff? 171 00:06:40,987 --> 00:06:42,953 - No, see, like, right there. - You're saying one thing, 172 00:06:43,122 --> 00:06:44,698 but it feels like you mean the opposite. 173 00:06:44,699 --> 00:06:46,412 - No. - That's a "yes." 174 00:06:46,692 --> 00:06:49,023 Look, Jay, I just came to watch the game. 175 00:06:49,024 --> 00:06:50,915 - I don't want to fight. - Neither do I. 176 00:06:51,853 --> 00:06:52,809 I know. 177 00:06:53,995 --> 00:06:55,516 So in keeping with the film, 178 00:06:55,517 --> 00:06:57,155 this area will be in black and white, 179 00:06:57,156 --> 00:07:00,310 and then an explosion of technicolor. 180 00:07:00,477 --> 00:07:02,812 Best part--as the guests are coming in... 181 00:07:03,038 --> 00:07:05,280 Auntie em! Auntie em! 182 00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:07,603 A simulated tornado. 183 00:07:07,604 --> 00:07:09,071 Yeah. Oh, he's gonna love that. 184 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,064 - So the appletinis are canceled... - Yes. 185 00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:12,834 The little Toto dog is ordered, and... 186 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,627 Please tell me that you are not mixing punch in costume! 187 00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:20,600 Oh, no! W-what is Cam doing home? 188 00:07:21,826 --> 00:07:23,017 - Hey. - Hey. 189 00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:23,512 We're the monkeys. 190 00:07:23,513 --> 00:07:25,988 Yes, hi. Hi. Come on inside. Quickly, quickly. 191 00:07:26,221 --> 00:07:28,270 Hi. Okay, one second. 192 00:07:28,754 --> 00:07:30,351 Hey! Whatcha doing home? 193 00:07:30,352 --> 00:07:31,819 Are you checking on me and the party again? 194 00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:33,475 No, no. I left my cell phone in your car 195 00:07:33,476 --> 00:07:34,596 and I gotta be in touch with mama today. 196 00:07:34,597 --> 00:07:36,753 She's talking to the insurance agency for the first time 197 00:07:36,754 --> 00:07:38,966 to see if they're gonna rebuild grandpa's farm. 198 00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:39,949 Rebuild the... 199 00:07:40,856 --> 00:07:42,249 Because of the tornado. 200 00:07:42,989 --> 00:07:44,465 I totally missed the connection. 201 00:07:44,466 --> 00:07:46,489 A month after the most devastating twister 202 00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:49,923 to ever hit Cam's hometown, I throw a party 203 00:07:49,924 --> 00:07:52,792 based on gay cinema's most famous tornado. 204 00:07:54,102 --> 00:07:56,268 Yeah, you know, it's been a month, 205 00:07:56,269 --> 00:07:59,095 and she hasn't heard anything, and she's just beside herself. 206 00:07:59,096 --> 00:08:00,631 And then you know what else? 207 00:08:00,632 --> 00:08:02,123 Lily succumbed to her injuries. 208 00:08:02,124 --> 00:08:04,538 - Your aunt Lily died? - No, the family pig. 209 00:08:04,589 --> 00:08:05,641 Aunt Lily was a... 210 00:08:05,773 --> 00:08:07,160 We named our daughter after a pig? 211 00:08:07,161 --> 00:08:09,861 Could you just witness my pain instead of criticizing? 212 00:08:09,862 --> 00:08:11,994 I just want to be in touch with my family today, 213 00:08:11,995 --> 00:08:15,113 get all this tornado stuff behind me so I can enjoy... 214 00:08:15,114 --> 00:08:18,118 The fabulous party you're planning for me! 215 00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:19,532 Yeah! You gotta get outta here! 216 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,061 - Okay. Hey, listen. Hey, Cam? - Yeah? 217 00:08:21,062 --> 00:08:23,602 You just call your family, tell them I said "hi." 218 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,867 And don't worry about being back at 6:00 on the dot. 219 00:08:25,868 --> 00:08:26,982 There's a little breathing room. 220 00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:28,656 Oh, what, are you kidding me? 221 00:08:28,777 --> 00:08:30,104 - Mnh-mnh. - The sooner I can start to party, 222 00:08:30,105 --> 00:08:31,712 the sooner I can start to forget. 223 00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:32,804 But then again, 224 00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:35,779 hey, if you keep running from every reminder of the tornado, 225 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,220 doesn't the tornado win? 226 00:08:37,221 --> 00:08:39,299 Mitchell, my grandpa runs to his pickup truck every morning 227 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,523 because he thinks the pitchfork is gonna come back down. 228 00:08:41,524 --> 00:08:43,537 The tornado always wins. 229 00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:46,697 Okay, well, it's gonna be so much fun tonight! 230 00:08:46,698 --> 00:08:48,659 I know! The big 1-0! 231 00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:49,792 4-0! 232 00:08:49,793 --> 00:08:51,014 Hey, Mitchell! 233 00:08:51,729 --> 00:08:54,031 - I'm over here! But you didn't! - I could've hit you! 234 00:08:54,032 --> 00:08:55,282 I'm doing my "I love ya" dance. 235 00:08:55,283 --> 00:08:57,335 Okay, I'm doing my "I love you" car dance. 236 00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:58,602 Look at you! 237 00:08:58,603 --> 00:09:01,363 - I do the best moves! - Stop that! Okay! Go! 238 00:09:01,364 --> 00:09:02,197 I got-- this is dangerous. 239 00:09:02,198 --> 00:09:03,028 Okay, okay. Go. 240 00:09:03,029 --> 00:09:03,887 Get out of here, you. Out! 241 00:09:03,888 --> 00:09:05,461 It's my birthday! 242 00:09:07,286 --> 00:09:09,813 All right, guys, come here. We need to talk. 243 00:09:13,403 --> 00:09:15,561 - There they are. - Stop rushing us! 244 00:09:16,046 --> 00:09:17,356 Buddy, what's wrong? 245 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,148 Yes, you've been a little off all morning. 246 00:09:20,149 --> 00:09:22,433 I've been feeling a lot of stress lately. 247 00:09:22,434 --> 00:09:24,834 My head's all foggy, and I'm kind of emotional. 248 00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:26,953 Oh. Well, I sure hope you feel better soon 249 00:09:26,954 --> 00:09:29,728 'cause you really need your wits about you when you're trapezing. 250 00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:32,738 This is weird because the three of us 251 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,347 haven't exactly been feeling our best today either. 252 00:09:35,348 --> 00:09:36,111 - Really? - Mm. 253 00:09:36,112 --> 00:09:37,630 I can't find my other sock! 254 00:09:37,631 --> 00:09:39,373 Try looking under the one you have one. 255 00:09:39,374 --> 00:09:42,075 I am not you. I don't do that. See? 256 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,602 Oh, God, I am you. 257 00:09:45,803 --> 00:09:48,179 Would you mind if we sat out trapezing? 258 00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:48,838 - Really? - Yeah. 259 00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:50,162 Are you sure? Okay. 260 00:09:50,534 --> 00:09:51,803 Why does he do that? 261 00:09:51,804 --> 00:09:52,938 Every month. 262 00:09:52,939 --> 00:09:55,043 Yeah, I get a little moody, 263 00:09:55,044 --> 00:09:56,708 but unrelenting physical discomfort 264 00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:58,255 will do that to a person. 265 00:09:58,738 --> 00:09:59,717 Doesn't he know 266 00:09:59,718 --> 00:10:02,007 that tiptoeing around someone like they're crazy 267 00:10:02,008 --> 00:10:03,270 makes them crazy? 268 00:10:03,538 --> 00:10:04,760 All right, you and Manny go ahead. 269 00:10:04,761 --> 00:10:06,943 - Luke can just stay here with us. - Wait. What? 270 00:10:06,944 --> 00:10:08,540 Luke's actually looking better. 271 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,720 - I am better. - Well, let's not take any chances. 272 00:10:10,721 --> 00:10:13,193 - He can stay here. You go ahead. - Dad? 273 00:10:13,194 --> 00:10:14,918 - Um, I... - Daddy? 274 00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:16,297 See you later, buddy. 275 00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:18,019 What are we going to do? 276 00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:19,702 We leave no man behind. 277 00:10:19,835 --> 00:10:21,266 I think I'm just gonna go home. 278 00:10:23,366 --> 00:10:24,095 We have time. 279 00:10:24,096 --> 00:10:26,549 Just take down the decorations and have a normal party. 280 00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:28,073 Yeah, and throw a boring party in our house 281 00:10:28,074 --> 00:10:30,086 that looks like I just threw it together this afternoon? 282 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,938 - Think! - Okay, we have a few options. 283 00:10:31,939 --> 00:10:33,789 I can get you the back room at Amelia's. 284 00:10:33,790 --> 00:10:35,086 Spilled juice on the owner's white rug 285 00:10:35,087 --> 00:10:36,664 and almost killed her toddler. Next. 286 00:10:36,665 --> 00:10:37,361 Bowling alley? 287 00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:38,946 Not classy enough. What have you got? 288 00:10:38,947 --> 00:10:40,356 - Uh... - You're no help. You. 289 00:10:40,357 --> 00:10:42,573 Well, last weekend, I did a party on a boat. 290 00:10:42,948 --> 00:10:44,366 You said you were visiting your parents. 291 00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:45,239 Shh! You're suffocating me. 292 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,755 What's this boat? Tell me about the boat. 293 00:10:46,756 --> 00:10:49,277 Okay, we did an elegant dinner party on a luxury yacht 294 00:10:49,278 --> 00:10:50,263 for about 25 people. 295 00:10:50,264 --> 00:10:52,961 It takes you around the harbor, dancing under the moonlight. 296 00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:55,881 Okay, okay. Uh, maybe we can-- we can make a theme out of this. 297 00:10:55,882 --> 00:10:57,884 You know, Cam's life is like a long voyage. 298 00:10:57,885 --> 00:11:00,880 Sometimes choppy but--but always forward, ever forward. 299 00:11:00,881 --> 00:11:02,430 - We have two hours. - Book it. 300 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,169 Hey, you survived trapeze class, huh? 301 00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:08,038 Didn't happen, 302 00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:10,464 and common decency prevents me from telling you why. 303 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,228 How was the soccer match? 304 00:11:12,229 --> 00:11:14,044 Thrilling. 1-1 tie. 305 00:11:14,230 --> 00:11:15,792 One of the goals was an accident. 306 00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:17,145 I'm sure my mom was happy you went. 307 00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:18,760 I don't know what to make of her today. 308 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,011 She got into it with this guy, 309 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,455 and I swear she was pushing me into a fight with him. 310 00:11:22,944 --> 00:11:24,237 Now is that something she'd want? 311 00:11:24,238 --> 00:11:25,226 I don't know. 312 00:11:25,326 --> 00:11:27,832 I always thought of women as the more evolved sex. 313 00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,087 But after today... I've seen things, Jay. 314 00:11:30,088 --> 00:11:31,949 'Cause, you know, I had my share of fights in my time. 315 00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:32,931 You know that. 316 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,739 Mmm! Mm. Mm. It's too warm for me. 317 00:11:36,977 --> 00:11:39,155 Yeah, I remember this time I was crossing the street with Dede, 318 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:41,372 and some jackass almost clipped her. 319 00:11:41,465 --> 00:11:43,743 I had the guy on the ground, my foot on his neck, 320 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,321 before the car stopped moving. 321 00:11:45,322 --> 00:11:47,178 Yeah, we've heard all those stories. 322 00:11:47,179 --> 00:11:49,445 Maybe my mom wouldn't mind a glimpse of that Jay. 323 00:11:50,764 --> 00:11:51,623 That's her. 324 00:11:51,624 --> 00:11:53,437 She wants me to help pick out Cam's gift. 325 00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:55,707 I'm still that guy, you know. 100%. 326 00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:58,185 What the hell? How do you cut your finger on a cracker? 327 00:11:58,186 --> 00:11:59,955 Anyway, if I thought there was a fight worth fighting, 328 00:11:59,956 --> 00:12:00,993 I'd fight it. 329 00:12:00,994 --> 00:12:03,770 Ow! Now I got salt in this. That stings! 330 00:12:08,826 --> 00:12:10,980 Next time, don't scream at your boss 331 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,972 so that he doesn't make you work during the weekends. 332 00:12:12,973 --> 00:12:15,769 And you can come to see your son! 333 00:12:15,798 --> 00:12:17,013 Si. Adios. 334 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,833 Hey, mom. Who were you yelling at? 335 00:12:20,229 --> 00:12:21,672 Your father, baby. 336 00:12:22,065 --> 00:12:23,835 He cannot make it this weekend. 337 00:12:27,003 --> 00:12:28,419 Okay, I admit it. 338 00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:32,388 I wanted Jay to kick that little Dutch man's ass at the bar. 339 00:12:32,766 --> 00:12:34,854 But two seconds on the phone with Javier, 340 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:38,905 and I remember what that stupid hothead behavior gets you- 341 00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:40,151 Nothing. 342 00:12:40,261 --> 00:12:42,548 It's better to be calm like Jay. 343 00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,294 Like Jay and me. 344 00:12:45,508 --> 00:12:46,621 Like Jay. 345 00:12:48,825 --> 00:12:50,052 I'm back! 346 00:12:50,274 --> 00:12:53,279 Wouldn't you know, I forgot my ding-dang sunglasses. 347 00:12:55,570 --> 00:12:56,885 Luke, could you give me a hand? 348 00:12:56,886 --> 00:12:59,994 What were the chances that Phil had come back to apologize 349 00:12:59,995 --> 00:13:01,376 for all the game playing 350 00:13:01,377 --> 00:13:03,347 and have an open conversation with me 351 00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:04,869 about what I was feeling? 352 00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:07,982 Okay, I got a bottle of fake blood out of the Halloween supplies. 353 00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:10,304 Put a dab on your finger, say you cut it. 354 00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:12,814 I say I need to run you by the doctor. Easy trapezy. 355 00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:13,518 Got it? 356 00:13:13,519 --> 00:13:15,151 See ya on the other side, brother. 357 00:13:16,077 --> 00:13:19,679 Just once, I would like Phil to have a little empathy, 358 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,715 give me some sense that he understands 359 00:13:22,716 --> 00:13:24,103 what women go through. 360 00:13:24,242 --> 00:13:26,172 - You feeling any better? - Mnh-mnh. 361 00:13:26,224 --> 00:13:28,536 Hate to see the whole team on the D.L. 362 00:13:28,537 --> 00:13:29,785 Ow! My finger! 363 00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:32,143 I don't like the sound of that. 364 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,814 I said a little bit! 365 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:39,044 The cap fell off. I decided to just go with it. 366 00:13:39,045 --> 00:13:40,586 Okay, we gotta get you out the back. 367 00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:44,152 - God, what happened?! - Oh, it's just a little cut. 368 00:13:44,153 --> 00:13:45,806 But to be safe, I'll run him by the doctor. 369 00:13:45,807 --> 00:13:48,156 No, are you crazy?! Call 9-1-1! 370 00:13:48,157 --> 00:13:49,423 No, no, they're so busy. 371 00:13:49,424 --> 00:13:51,404 Where's the wound?! We need to put pressure on it, right? 372 00:13:51,405 --> 00:13:52,630 - I'm gonna be sick! - My--my finger. 373 00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:54,592 Oh, he needs a tourniquet! Where do I put it?! 374 00:13:54,593 --> 00:13:57,090 - On my finger. - Stop! There is nothing wrong with h.. 375 00:13:57,323 --> 00:13:59,337 - Luke, what's going on? - I cut my finger? 376 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:01,886 - Dad? - How crazy is that? 377 00:14:01,887 --> 00:14:03,726 They were in my pocket the whole time. I'll see you. 378 00:14:03,727 --> 00:14:04,727 Phil! 379 00:14:05,501 --> 00:14:06,654 What is going on, Luke? 380 00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:07,812 Dad staged the whole thing 381 00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:10,058 so we could go on the trapeze without you three. 382 00:14:10,218 --> 00:14:11,130 Why? 383 00:14:11,131 --> 00:14:12,323 Because... 384 00:14:12,532 --> 00:14:13,839 B-because... 385 00:14:14,177 --> 00:14:16,952 Because of this! You're all monster-ating! 386 00:14:16,953 --> 00:14:19,548 - Luke, no! - Are you kidding me?! - Oh, my God! Oh, my lord. 387 00:14:19,549 --> 00:14:21,890 Sorry! I know you told me not to say it, but I... 388 00:14:21,891 --> 00:14:23,132 Phil! 389 00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,894 Is this what you've been teaching our son? 390 00:14:24,957 --> 00:14:27,247 That--that women are some kind of unclean lepers 391 00:14:27,248 --> 00:14:29,823 that should be hidden away under sheets for a week? 392 00:14:29,824 --> 00:14:31,588 Do you have any idea how offensive that is? 393 00:14:31,589 --> 00:14:33,002 I do, honey. 394 00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:34,980 And from the bottom of my heart, 395 00:14:34,981 --> 00:14:36,414 I am so... 396 00:14:36,523 --> 00:14:38,635 S-s-scared. 397 00:14:39,319 --> 00:14:40,441 - Ugh! - Oh, no! 398 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,013 Oh, my. 399 00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:49,555 Okay. 400 00:14:49,618 --> 00:14:51,915 3, 2, 1! 401 00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:53,525 Surprise! 402 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,519 Oh, my gosh! Oh, it's amazing! 403 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,276 - Yeah, it's a boat party. - Oh! Because? 404 00:14:57,277 --> 00:14:58,672 Your life is like a voyage. 405 00:14:58,673 --> 00:15:00,849 Oh! Well, everyone's is, but I love it 406 00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:02,997 because none of our other friends have ever done it. 407 00:15:03,961 --> 00:15:05,935 Aw. That's so sweet. 408 00:15:05,936 --> 00:15:09,902 Oh, it must be easy with no dirty, broken woman in the relationship. 409 00:15:12,356 --> 00:15:13,444 What are you laughing at? 410 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:16,343 Okay, everybody follow the birthday flag! 411 00:15:16,344 --> 00:15:18,275 What'd you call me? Oh. Uh, oh, yes. 412 00:15:18,276 --> 00:15:21,144 Oh, my gosh. It's so elegant. I'll bet Pepper is dying. 413 00:15:21,145 --> 00:15:22,798 Oh, you know, actually, Pepper couldn't come 414 00:15:22,799 --> 00:15:25,184 because he hates boats. You know, after the Navy. 415 00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:26,401 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 416 00:15:26,402 --> 00:15:29,439 I guess longinus got over his fear of--of water? 417 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:29,982 Mnh. No, no. 418 00:15:29,983 --> 00:15:31,728 Why don't we just focus on the 30 people who are here, 419 00:15:31,729 --> 00:15:33,428 having a great time! 420 00:15:33,686 --> 00:15:36,509 Ew! It smells like somebody's dead. 421 00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:38,122 Ugh! What is that smell? 422 00:15:38,155 --> 00:15:41,055 That faint odor is-- is a tiny, tiny blue whale 423 00:15:41,056 --> 00:15:43,736 who apparently has indeed died, uh, nearby. 424 00:15:43,737 --> 00:15:44,708 But... 425 00:15:44,809 --> 00:15:47,136 Si, but it's getting all over my coat. 426 00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:48,465 I don't smell anything. 427 00:15:48,808 --> 00:15:51,363 Maybe that's because you smell like a bouquet of flowers. 428 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,796 Oh, yeah. Watch out for that. 429 00:15:53,797 --> 00:15:56,376 Ugh! It smells like puke married poop 430 00:15:56,377 --> 00:15:58,546 and had the ceremony in my nose. 431 00:15:58,547 --> 00:15:59,871 You paint with words. 432 00:15:59,872 --> 00:16:01,289 Okay, don't worry, everybody. 433 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:04,361 Soon we'll be way, way out at sea, bouncing on the waves 434 00:16:04,362 --> 00:16:07,053 with all of his sweet-smelling brothers and sisters. Okay? 435 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,343 - Mitchell Pritchett? - Oh, yes. Hi. 436 00:16:08,344 --> 00:16:10,377 Hi. I'm your captain tonight. We've got a problem. 437 00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:11,907 I can't fit this many people on my boat. 438 00:16:11,908 --> 00:16:13,725 No, no. I was--I was told you could take 30. 439 00:16:13,726 --> 00:16:14,962 I have exactly 30 guests. 440 00:16:14,963 --> 00:16:17,089 Plus six in help. You gotta drop a few people. 441 00:16:17,792 --> 00:16:19,781 Come on. There--there must be something that we can do here. 442 00:16:19,782 --> 00:16:20,899 Well, we have bigger boats, 443 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,023 but this is the best I could do on two hours' notice. 444 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:25,165 - Please, um... - What is the problem? 445 00:16:25,195 --> 00:16:28,005 Apparently, Mitchell started planning my birthday party two hours ago. 446 00:16:28,006 --> 00:16:30,131 Mnh-mnh. No. No, I-I did not. 447 00:16:30,185 --> 00:16:32,918 Uh, apparently, we have too many people for his boat. 448 00:16:32,919 --> 00:16:34,532 So... that's crazy. 449 00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:37,477 I've seen more people clinging to a floating door. 450 00:16:37,478 --> 00:16:39,117 I'm sorry, lady. It's a safety issue. 451 00:16:39,118 --> 00:16:41,214 Oh, no. You're going to have a safety issue 452 00:16:41,215 --> 00:16:43,640 if you don't take me away from this whale. 453 00:16:43,641 --> 00:16:45,520 Okay, little too much finger, little too much attitude. 454 00:16:45,521 --> 00:16:46,321 What's all this? 455 00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:48,980 Uh, two hours of Mitchell's hard work going down the drain. 456 00:16:48,981 --> 00:16:52,219 Look, I can't fit more than 30 people on the boat, 457 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,844 as I was just explaining to the lady here. 458 00:16:53,845 --> 00:16:55,812 Well, first of all, that "lady" is my son. 459 00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:57,377 He wasn't talking about me. 460 00:16:57,378 --> 00:16:58,694 I was talking about her. 461 00:16:58,695 --> 00:17:00,441 Oh. Her. Oh, it's "her" now. 462 00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:02,583 Well, "her" happens to be my wife. 463 00:17:02,752 --> 00:17:05,110 You got a problem with her, you got a problem with me. 464 00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:06,563 - No, no, Jay... - You know... 465 00:17:06,564 --> 00:17:08,252 - Calm down. - I didn't have a problem before, 466 00:17:08,253 --> 00:17:09,132 but now I'm starting to. 467 00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,396 No, your problem's about to get a lot bigger. 468 00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,978 No, Jay, I know you think this is what I want, but it's not. 469 00:17:13,979 --> 00:17:15,701 - I've got this, Gloria. - No, Jay. 470 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,901 I was just being stupid today. I like that you're calm, 471 00:17:18,902 --> 00:17:21,569 that you think first, and you act second. 472 00:17:21,855 --> 00:17:23,466 I need that in my life. 473 00:17:23,515 --> 00:17:25,052 Yeah, so walk away, grandpa. 474 00:17:25,053 --> 00:17:25,864 You know what? 475 00:17:26,447 --> 00:17:28,581 Nobody call him "grandpa"! 476 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,771 I do. 477 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,559 Okay, that's it! 478 00:17:31,658 --> 00:17:34,568 No boat! Everybody off my dock, or I'm calling the cops! 479 00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:35,944 Wait, w-wait. So no party now? 480 00:17:35,945 --> 00:17:37,717 No! No, of course! Just... 481 00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,197 Just... just give me a minute okay? 482 00:17:39,198 --> 00:17:40,439 Oh, we, after what you did with two hours, 483 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,272 - I can't wait to see what you do with a minute. - Cam! 484 00:17:44,339 --> 00:17:46,258 Poor Cam. He seems so upset. 485 00:17:46,391 --> 00:17:47,536 Oh, is that hard for you, Phil, 486 00:17:47,537 --> 00:17:49,106 that he's have a feeling around you? 487 00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:50,793 - I'm so sorry. - Too many emotions? 488 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,099 Okay, okay, I give up! 489 00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:56,412 - Yeah, I made a mistake today. - Mm. 490 00:17:56,431 --> 00:17:58,398 But only because the three of you ganged up on me 491 00:17:58,399 --> 00:18:00,594 like when the wolfman, Dracula, and frankenstein 492 00:18:00,595 --> 00:18:02,275 show up in the same movie, 493 00:18:02,285 --> 00:18:03,849 except this wasn't awesome! 494 00:18:04,893 --> 00:18:07,440 I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day today. 495 00:18:07,988 --> 00:18:09,957 I'm afraid. I'm mad. I'm mad because I'm afraid, 496 00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:10,803 and now I can't even think straight 497 00:18:10,804 --> 00:18:13,268 because I'm in so much pain from what just happened over there! 498 00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,810 And the whole thing makes me so sad, and I'm not even sure why, 499 00:18:15,811 --> 00:18:18,530 and I'm nauseous from that smell but I'm so hungry. 500 00:18:22,305 --> 00:18:23,356 Yeah. 501 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,881 Cam, the--the boat wasn't even part of the plan. 502 00:18:27,882 --> 00:18:28,771 No, it's fine. 503 00:18:28,772 --> 00:18:31,471 It's my fault for letting my expectations get too high. 504 00:18:31,497 --> 00:18:33,094 - I'll get over this one, too. - No, no. 505 00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:35,628 I had this whole "Wizard of Oz" party planned, 506 00:18:35,629 --> 00:18:37,579 only today I realized that it might be 507 00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:39,507 a-a little too tornado-y. 508 00:18:39,528 --> 00:18:40,448 - Today? - Yes! 509 00:18:40,449 --> 00:18:42,542 I'm sorry I-I didn't make the connection, okay? 510 00:18:42,543 --> 00:18:44,612 Probably 'cause I've been planning for months 511 00:18:44,613 --> 00:18:46,913 so that you could have the perfect party and be happy, 512 00:18:46,914 --> 00:18:49,084 which now I don't even think is possible. 513 00:18:49,112 --> 00:18:50,675 Oh, I'm sorry that I would like to have 514 00:18:50,676 --> 00:18:52,786 a nice 10th birthday party. 515 00:18:52,804 --> 00:18:54,265 Well, you can't have it, Cam! 516 00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:56,640 You wanna know why?! Because you're 40! 517 00:18:57,208 --> 00:18:59,306 You're a 40-year-old man! 518 00:19:02,373 --> 00:19:03,465 I am 40. 519 00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,069 - I'm 40. - Yes. 520 00:19:10,779 --> 00:19:12,307 Oh, Cam, stop it. 521 00:19:12,308 --> 00:19:15,884 I'm 40 and I'm--I'm on this stupid--wait, what is that?! 522 00:19:15,885 --> 00:19:17,128 Oh, it's this... 523 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:18,581 Thing! 524 00:19:18,582 --> 00:19:20,478 Suddenly, it all made sense. 525 00:19:20,479 --> 00:19:23,455 Cam's craziness all day wasn't about a party. 526 00:19:23,456 --> 00:19:25,226 It was about turning 40. 527 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,988 And once he realized that, everything got much worse. 528 00:19:29,139 --> 00:19:31,872 - I've done nothing with my life! - Oh, w--stop it. 529 00:19:31,873 --> 00:19:33,528 Come on. How--how can you say that? 530 00:19:33,529 --> 00:19:36,397 You're--you're a wonderful father. You... 531 00:19:36,398 --> 00:19:38,645 You--you graduated from clown college. 532 00:19:38,646 --> 00:19:40,527 You've been to France. 533 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,564 I don't want to be 40. It's not fair! 534 00:19:43,565 --> 00:19:44,871 - I know. - Nothing's fair. 535 00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,276 2 Miles from here is an amusement park 536 00:19:47,277 --> 00:19:49,894 full of happy families swinging on a trapeze. 537 00:19:50,985 --> 00:19:53,379 That's all I wanted for my special bonus day. 538 00:19:57,355 --> 00:19:58,324 What? 539 00:19:58,413 --> 00:19:59,621 I'd been trying so hard 540 00:19:59,622 --> 00:20:01,766 to figure out what Cam wanted for his birthday. 541 00:20:03,081 --> 00:20:04,790 He'd been telling me all along. 542 00:20:05,762 --> 00:20:07,006 He wanted to be 10. 543 00:20:17,692 --> 00:20:19,836 Seriously? There's nothing you can do? 544 00:20:19,988 --> 00:20:21,979 I'm sorry. You just missed the cutoff. 545 00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:23,266 How about we see you next time? 546 00:20:23,826 --> 00:20:27,233 How about you make an exception and strap him in there? 547 00:20:27,234 --> 00:20:29,549 Yeah, we're, like, ten minutes past your deadline, anyway. 548 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,323 And you don't want to make us angry today. 549 00:20:31,324 --> 00:20:33,246 - Ladies, uh, I really can't make any exceptions. - "Ladies"? 550 00:20:33,247 --> 00:20:38,077 - Seriously, Pete? - No, I don't think "ladies"... 551 00:20:38,078 --> 00:20:41,544 And that was how they apologized to me. 552 00:20:41,552 --> 00:20:43,794 - Whoo! - Come on, Phil! 553 00:20:43,795 --> 00:20:46,650 Oh, oh, oh, oh! Ohh! Oh, God, Phil! 554 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,135 Aah! You did it! 555 00:20:49,187 --> 00:20:52,151 At least, I-I think it was. I could never ask them. 556 00:20:57,116 --> 00:20:58,476 This is so satisfying! 557 00:20:58,477 --> 00:21:00,173 Best I've felt all day! 558 00:21:02,201 --> 00:21:05,348 Can I rent one of these on a monthly basis? 559 00:21:06,650 --> 00:21:08,619 Ohh, ha ha! Yes! 560 00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:10,402 Oh, yay! 561 00:21:11,617 --> 00:21:13,353 Best 40th birthday party ever. 562 00:21:13,354 --> 00:21:15,706 No, no. 10th. 563 00:21:15,735 --> 00:21:17,408 - Really? - Yeah. 564 00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:19,329 In fact, you're still that sexy little 8 year old 565 00:21:19,330 --> 00:21:20,713 I fell in love with. 566 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,787 Oh, um... no, just go. 567 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,000 Sync by YYeTs, corrected by susanaLC www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net