1 00:00:00,754 --> 00:00:02,573 Hey, sir. Duane Bailey, running for, uh, 2 00:00:02,574 --> 00:00:04,258 town council reelection. 3 00:00:04,259 --> 00:00:07,913 - Oh, don't look. There's that jerk Duane Bailey. - Oh, yuck. 4 00:00:07,914 --> 00:00:09,662 I should say something to him, shouldn't I? 5 00:00:09,663 --> 00:00:11,566 I gotta be honest, I was just working off your tone. 6 00:00:11,566 --> 00:00:13,466 Who's Duane Bailey, and why do we hate him? 7 00:00:13,466 --> 00:00:15,866 Honey, he's that councilman who shot down my stop sign. 8 00:00:16,066 --> 00:00:17,266 - Big phony. - Yeah. 9 00:00:17,466 --> 00:00:19,766 Hey! Duane Bailey, seeking reelection, town council. 10 00:00:19,966 --> 00:00:21,166 Hope that I can count on your vote. 11 00:00:21,366 --> 00:00:22,566 - Well, you just got it. - No. 12 00:00:22,766 --> 00:00:25,566 You don't remember meeting me, do you? Claire Dunphy. 13 00:00:25,766 --> 00:00:27,466 Last month's town council meeting? 14 00:00:28,517 --> 00:00:29,917 Oh, yes I do! 15 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,317 Yes, I remember you. 16 00:00:31,423 --> 00:00:34,008 I want a stop sign. 17 00:00:34,387 --> 00:00:36,172 Just having fun. Here, have a pen. 18 00:00:37,896 --> 00:00:38,776 "Duane Bailey. 19 00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:41,555 Councilman. Citizen. Puggle breeder." 20 00:00:41,556 --> 00:00:44,598 I love them because they're a different mix of breeds, 21 00:00:44,599 --> 00:00:46,040 just like America. 22 00:00:46,274 --> 00:00:47,685 I like what he's saying, Claire. 23 00:00:47,686 --> 00:00:48,869 - He isn't saying anything. - Look at his... 24 00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:51,986 We need a stop sign at our intersection. 25 00:00:51,987 --> 00:00:52,870 Everyone says that, 26 00:00:52,871 --> 00:00:55,509 but pretty soon, we're stopping at every single corner. 27 00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:57,691 Why don't you go ask Canada how that's working out? 28 00:00:57,692 --> 00:00:59,992 - He nailed it. - Hi. Duane Bailey. Hi. 29 00:01:01,845 --> 00:01:03,874 "Actor/writer/director who packs a punch." 30 00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:04,999 - Oh, Sylvester Stallone. - Sylvester Stallone. 31 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,311 I said it first. 32 00:01:08,347 --> 00:01:10,696 Oh, my God. This guy brought his kids, Mitchell. 33 00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:13,363 What, to this movie? Isn't it supposed to be super violent? 34 00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:16,147 I'm sorry. I don't mean to overstep, but I don't know 35 00:01:16,148 --> 00:01:18,456 that this movie is really appropriate for children. 36 00:01:18,457 --> 00:01:21,238 I'm terrified to see it. That's why we're here during the day. 37 00:01:21,572 --> 00:01:23,043 It's okay. We're good. 38 00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:25,629 Okay. 39 00:01:25,632 --> 00:01:26,203 I tried. 40 00:01:26,204 --> 00:01:27,934 Yeah. All you can do. 41 00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:30,830 You know, I've--I've read this book, 42 00:01:30,831 --> 00:01:33,700 and I know what's gonna happen, and it's very disturbing. 43 00:01:33,701 --> 00:01:35,355 I really think you might be inviting 44 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,897 some pretty serious nightmares here. 45 00:01:36,898 --> 00:01:39,707 Hey, buddy, they're my kids. I got it. 46 00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,653 Yeah, but I don't think you do. 47 00:01:40,654 --> 00:01:42,942 Cam. Cam. He says he's got it, all right? 48 00:01:42,943 --> 00:01:45,806 You said your piece. Just watch the movie. 49 00:01:47,062 --> 00:01:48,152 Oh, uh, Gwyneth Paltrow. 50 00:01:48,153 --> 00:01:50,838 - I really must insist you not traumatize your kids... - Cam. 51 00:01:50,839 --> 00:01:52,682 - ...by exposing them to gratuitous violence... - Stop it. Shh! 52 00:01:52,683 --> 00:01:55,590 - ...and graphic depictions of-- - Daddy, I'm scared. 53 00:01:55,591 --> 00:01:57,785 - Yeah, well, you're gonna be. - I'm gonna tell you one more time. 54 00:01:57,786 --> 00:02:00,444 - No, I'm gonna tell you one more time. - Okay. 55 00:02:00,445 --> 00:02:01,934 It was "The muppet" movie. 56 00:02:01,935 --> 00:02:04,036 We were in the wrong theater. 57 00:02:05,837 --> 00:02:08,250 Enjoy the show. I was always a fan of the muppets, 58 00:02:08,251 --> 00:02:09,883 especially the two guys in the theater 59 00:02:09,884 --> 00:02:12,052 - who wouldn't shut up. - Just leave. 60 00:02:20,837 --> 00:02:23,837 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 61 00:02:27,123 --> 00:02:28,942 - Hello? - I'm running late. 62 00:02:28,943 --> 00:02:31,401 This knucklehead's kept me waiting for over an hour. 63 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:33,949 I never had to wait like this when his dad was running things. 64 00:02:33,950 --> 00:02:34,577 Yeah. 65 00:02:34,578 --> 00:02:36,209 And soda was a nickel. 66 00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:38,610 Just tell them that your family is coming over. 67 00:02:38,611 --> 00:02:39,974 This guy fired his own father. 68 00:02:39,975 --> 00:02:41,373 He's not gonna care about my family. 69 00:02:41,374 --> 00:02:42,870 Okay, then just leave. 70 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,468 You don't need his money. 71 00:02:44,469 --> 00:02:46,282 Once a week, I have eight family members 72 00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:47,933 coming to my house for free food. 73 00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,046 I'm not going anywhere. 74 00:02:49,047 --> 00:02:51,772 Okay. I see you when I see you. 75 00:02:54,645 --> 00:02:56,546 Are you okay? What is wrong? 76 00:02:56,547 --> 00:02:58,086 I want to be homeschooled. 77 00:02:58,087 --> 00:03:01,378 Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English? 78 00:03:01,379 --> 00:03:02,598 What is going on? 79 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,200 I have a big report due, 80 00:03:04,201 --> 00:03:06,381 and the teachers don't seem to care about the substance. 81 00:03:06,382 --> 00:03:08,069 All they care about is the flash. 82 00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:11,030 Manny, sometimes you can be a little bit old-fashioned. 83 00:03:11,086 --> 00:03:12,094 Remember the first time 84 00:03:12,095 --> 00:03:14,341 you saw the kids with the backpacks with wheels 85 00:03:14,342 --> 00:03:16,398 and you thought they were too flashy? 86 00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:18,935 You're going to school, not boarding a flight to Denver. 87 00:03:19,052 --> 00:03:20,150 It's getting absurd. 88 00:03:20,151 --> 00:03:22,911 Reuben freestyle-rapped his report on Irish immigrants. 89 00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:24,555 That doesn't even make sense. 90 00:03:24,556 --> 00:03:26,885 Maybe you do a Riverdance. Maybe. 91 00:03:26,951 --> 00:03:29,343 - What is your report on? - The mafia. 92 00:03:29,344 --> 00:03:32,554 Perfect. We do a papier-mache Tommy gun. 93 00:03:32,555 --> 00:03:34,268 Oh, no. We shouldn't have to jazz it up. 94 00:03:34,269 --> 00:03:36,763 Okay, then we go upstairs and we get your old rocking horse 95 00:03:36,764 --> 00:03:37,740 and we chop the head off. 96 00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:40,501 No, that's a terrible idea. I love Brownie! 97 00:03:40,502 --> 00:03:43,534 Do you want to send a message or not? 98 00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:46,607 Jay never wants me to help him with his business, 99 00:03:46,608 --> 00:03:49,755 and now suddenly, Manny doesn't want to listen to me either. 100 00:03:49,756 --> 00:03:51,358 It's very frustrating. 101 00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:53,325 I have all the answers. 102 00:03:54,497 --> 00:03:55,642 Hey! There he is. 103 00:03:55,643 --> 00:03:57,994 - Bring it in, Jay. - How you doing, Joshie? 104 00:03:57,995 --> 00:03:59,807 It's Josh now. Have a seat. 105 00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:01,692 Ah, all right. 106 00:04:01,693 --> 00:04:03,948 So I flipped through your proposal, 107 00:04:03,949 --> 00:04:05,381 and here's the thing-- 108 00:04:05,382 --> 00:04:08,441 We're about to build our largest luxury condo complex yet. 109 00:04:08,442 --> 00:04:10,362 And I have an important question for you-- 110 00:04:10,611 --> 00:04:12,707 What is it you want to build? 111 00:04:14,478 --> 00:04:15,750 Closets. 112 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:18,774 See, I was kinda hoping you'd say "dreams." 113 00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,586 I thought that was implied. 114 00:04:20,941 --> 00:04:23,840 Jay, I'm looking for closets nobody's ever seen before, 115 00:04:23,841 --> 00:04:25,360 you know, a big "wow!" 116 00:04:25,361 --> 00:04:26,122 You know what I'm saying? 117 00:04:26,123 --> 00:04:27,698 You want a nice closet with sharp design, 118 00:04:27,699 --> 00:04:30,420 quality materials, and expert craftsmanship. 119 00:04:31,079 --> 00:04:33,591 Uh, I mean, I want it to be like, bam! 120 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,192 You know, people are gonna walk in there and go, 121 00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:38,065 "whoa! What do I hang first?" 122 00:04:38,088 --> 00:04:40,120 I wanted to hang myself. 123 00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:42,285 Yeah, let's talk more specific. 124 00:04:42,784 --> 00:04:44,871 What exactly do you like and what don't you like? 125 00:04:44,872 --> 00:04:46,620 All right, fair enough. Uh... 126 00:04:47,135 --> 00:04:49,984 I don't like this. This makes me sad. 127 00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:52,919 I do like getting my mind blown. 128 00:04:52,964 --> 00:04:54,810 I love your enthusiasm. 129 00:04:55,184 --> 00:04:57,143 Uh, before I go off in the wrong direction, 130 00:04:57,603 --> 00:04:58,393 how about an example? 131 00:04:58,394 --> 00:04:59,139 All right, check this out. 132 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:01,630 So, like, three weeks ago, I'm down in South Beach. 133 00:05:01,631 --> 00:05:03,707 I walk into this thumpin' club. 134 00:05:03,708 --> 00:05:05,849 Bartender says, "what do you wanna drink?" 135 00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:07,730 I say, "wow me." 136 00:05:07,831 --> 00:05:10,288 He mixes this thing together. I take one sip, 137 00:05:10,289 --> 00:05:12,234 and I'm like, "hello, nurse!" 138 00:05:12,235 --> 00:05:15,261 And she's like, "you've been unconscious for two days." 139 00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:16,877 That's what I want in a closet. 140 00:05:18,438 --> 00:05:20,224 I don't think I need to hear any more. 141 00:05:24,862 --> 00:05:26,686 Whatcha doing there? Homework? 142 00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:27,989 What do you want? 143 00:05:28,135 --> 00:05:31,087 I need to borrow some money. It's really important. 144 00:05:31,088 --> 00:05:32,345 How much? 145 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,273 $900. 146 00:05:34,297 --> 00:05:35,113 What?! 147 00:05:35,114 --> 00:05:36,865 Come on. If you were in trouble, 148 00:05:36,866 --> 00:05:38,832 I would do anything for you. 149 00:05:39,053 --> 00:05:41,294 We're not just sisters. 150 00:05:41,921 --> 00:05:43,401 We're best friends. 151 00:05:45,073 --> 00:05:47,096 Look, I would if I could, 152 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,888 but I don't have any money. 153 00:05:49,373 --> 00:05:50,537 And since we're talking, 154 00:05:50,538 --> 00:05:53,250 I never told anyone this before, and it... 155 00:05:54,351 --> 00:05:57,415 ...Wipe that smug smile off his stupid face. 156 00:05:57,416 --> 00:05:58,583 His face is stupid. 157 00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:01,028 Oh! I can't believe ridiculous people like him 158 00:06:01,029 --> 00:06:02,343 end up in office. 159 00:06:02,344 --> 00:06:04,204 Well, why don't you run? 160 00:06:04,518 --> 00:06:06,316 You're smart, you care about the community, 161 00:06:06,317 --> 00:06:09,507 and you're easy on the eyes when you put a little effort into it. 162 00:06:09,508 --> 00:06:10,707 - Are you serious? - Yeah, you know, 163 00:06:10,708 --> 00:06:13,223 maybe change out of the sweaty gym clothes every once in while. 164 00:06:13,224 --> 00:06:16,000 I thought you were talking about running for office. 165 00:06:16,086 --> 00:06:17,150 Go on. 166 00:06:17,151 --> 00:06:18,999 I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it. 167 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,215 I mean, I know it's a ridiculous little local thing, 168 00:06:21,216 --> 00:06:23,628 but it might be fun to get out there and contribute. 169 00:06:23,629 --> 00:06:24,985 Plus I think I'd be good at it. 170 00:06:24,986 --> 00:06:27,648 - You'd be great. - Mm. How would this work? 171 00:06:27,649 --> 00:06:30,183 I mean, who would be here for the kids after school? 172 00:06:30,184 --> 00:06:32,853 Who would take them to practice and recitals 173 00:06:32,854 --> 00:06:34,982 and keep them from burning the house down? 174 00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,767 It must be so hard being a single mom. 175 00:06:38,574 --> 00:06:40,112 Claire, I will. 176 00:06:41,388 --> 00:06:42,086 If you wanna fly, 177 00:06:42,087 --> 00:06:44,211 - I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground. - Hmm. 178 00:06:44,212 --> 00:06:46,572 I wanna be the one to push you off the cliff. 179 00:06:47,861 --> 00:06:49,176 I think I'm gonna do it. 180 00:06:49,177 --> 00:06:50,316 Great. 181 00:06:50,775 --> 00:06:52,203 - Go fly. - Phil. 182 00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:54,067 - No. - Oh, Phil! 183 00:06:54,978 --> 00:06:57,285 I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women-- 184 00:06:57,286 --> 00:07:00,072 Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, 186 00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:06,323 - Do you want a fry? - No, I can't eat. 187 00:07:06,324 --> 00:07:08,194 We should've stayed and seen "The muppets." 188 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,153 I can't even look at ketchup without seeing blood. 189 00:07:10,154 --> 00:07:12,471 Ooh, runaway curly fry. You know these are good luck. 190 00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:16,424 - Mm! - Oh! 191 00:07:16,425 --> 00:07:18,605 - Oh, my God. What was that? - We just got rear-ended. 192 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,856 Oh, pull off to the side street. Pull off to the side street. 193 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,390 - Are you okay? - Oh, I think I cut the roof of my mouth on the straw. 194 00:07:23,391 --> 00:07:24,996 - Oh, my God. Mm! - So yes. 195 00:07:28,050 --> 00:07:28,804 Oh, boy. 196 00:07:28,805 --> 00:07:31,912 I am so sorry. This is all my fault. Are you guys okay? 197 00:07:31,913 --> 00:07:34,587 W-well, I-I sustained a minor mouth injury. 198 00:07:34,924 --> 00:07:35,894 We're fine. Thank you. It's... 199 00:07:35,895 --> 00:07:37,538 Look, I feel terrible. 200 00:07:37,539 --> 00:07:39,208 Um, don't worry. I'm gonna take care of everything. 201 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,622 Let me just get my insurance info. 202 00:07:40,623 --> 00:07:42,103 Okay. Thank you. 203 00:07:42,153 --> 00:07:43,748 - Well, he seems nice. - Yeah. 204 00:07:43,749 --> 00:07:45,189 You know, if this were a romantic comedy, 205 00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,610 this would be our meet cute. 206 00:07:46,611 --> 00:07:48,002 We'd spend the rest of the afternoon 207 00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:49,927 drinking wine, eating food, 208 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,957 flying a kite, you know, doing montage-y stuff. 209 00:07:51,958 --> 00:07:53,251 Yeah, am I in this movie of yours? 210 00:07:53,252 --> 00:07:54,729 Yeah, you're the gay best friend. 211 00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:57,568 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! We have a runner! 212 00:07:57,569 --> 00:07:59,501 Um, it's D-W-Y-- I can't read it. 213 00:07:59,502 --> 00:08:01,205 - Come on! Let's go! Let's go! - Go where? 214 00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:03,602 - We have to chase him down! - No, we're not supposed to do that! 215 00:08:03,603 --> 00:08:05,260 Help! Stop that car! 216 00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:07,446 He's getting away! Help! 217 00:08:07,447 --> 00:08:10,194 Yeah, you almost got him, Cam. You almost got him. 218 00:08:10,195 --> 00:08:11,850 He's getting away! 219 00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,170 Hey. 220 00:08:15,684 --> 00:08:17,211 Whatcha doing? Playing? 221 00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:18,907 Yeah. 222 00:08:19,597 --> 00:08:21,357 Do you have any money saved up? 223 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,101 I'm comfortable. 224 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:27,442 I've saved $1,217. 225 00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:29,073 It wasn't even that hard. 226 00:08:29,074 --> 00:08:30,785 Don't forget your lunch. 227 00:08:31,114 --> 00:08:32,252 Thanks, mom. 228 00:08:33,416 --> 00:08:35,092 Don't forget your lunch money, buddy. 229 00:08:35,093 --> 00:08:35,867 Thanks, dad. 230 00:08:35,868 --> 00:08:37,116 You bet. 231 00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:43,850 Please. It's really important. 232 00:08:43,851 --> 00:08:46,197 Look, I'd love to help you out, 233 00:08:46,198 --> 00:08:48,111 but I'm not very liquid right now. 234 00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:49,921 It's in a block of ice. 235 00:08:49,979 --> 00:08:50,679 I got the idea 236 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:54,024 when I heard about rich guys with frozen assets. 237 00:08:55,666 --> 00:08:57,098 Assets. 238 00:08:59,888 --> 00:09:02,218 I am running for town council, 239 00:09:02,219 --> 00:09:05,152 and I understand that I can pick up a form here. 240 00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:06,362 Fourth floor. 241 00:09:06,363 --> 00:09:07,787 - Elevator down the hall. - Oh. 242 00:09:07,788 --> 00:09:10,397 Beyonce, when'd you start working here? 243 00:09:10,689 --> 00:09:13,840 Oh, Duane. He's always saying stuff like that. 244 00:09:13,998 --> 00:09:16,065 Duane Bailey. Running for reelection. 245 00:09:16,428 --> 00:09:17,330 You're joking. 246 00:09:17,331 --> 00:09:19,490 I just saw you in the parking lot two hours ago. 247 00:09:19,585 --> 00:09:21,412 Oh, hey. It's you! 248 00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:22,699 Oh, it's you. 249 00:09:23,035 --> 00:09:24,503 What... are you doing here? 250 00:09:24,504 --> 00:09:26,404 I am entering the race for town council, 251 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,448 and I am running against you. 252 00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:30,688 Oh. Well, don't you have pluck. 253 00:09:30,689 --> 00:09:32,187 No, I plan on winning, so... 254 00:09:32,188 --> 00:09:35,438 Oh, yeah, I bet you do. Marcia! Rocking the bangs! Love it. 255 00:09:35,688 --> 00:09:37,327 Do you know why, of all the dogs in the world, 256 00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:38,246 I breed puggles? 257 00:09:38,247 --> 00:09:40,429 Why do I feel like this is a rhetorical question, 258 00:09:40,430 --> 00:09:42,254 - and you're about to l-- - It's because they're lovable, yes, 259 00:09:42,255 --> 00:09:45,185 but they're also tenacious hunters who won't quit 260 00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:46,958 until the kill is complete. 261 00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:48,953 Really? 'Cause I feel like they just yip a lot. 262 00:09:48,954 --> 00:09:50,831 Look, lady, you're going down. 263 00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:52,416 I've won six straight elections. 264 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,048 I don't plan on losing to some bored housewife, 265 00:09:54,049 --> 00:09:57,496 so don't quit your lack of a day job. 266 00:09:58,332 --> 00:09:59,427 Excuse me! 267 00:09:59,428 --> 00:10:00,966 Excuse me! 268 00:10:02,442 --> 00:10:03,450 Excuse me. 269 00:10:04,956 --> 00:10:06,273 Hello? 270 00:10:06,307 --> 00:10:08,842 Anne. 271 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,577 Haley did that? 272 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,786 Oh, God. Okay. Um... 273 00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,310 I'll call you right back. 274 00:10:15,792 --> 00:10:19,617 For your information, sir, I am no bored housewife. 275 00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:23,281 No, I-I would kill for "bored." Why isn't this lighting up? 276 00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:25,642 Oh, it's because it's, uh, staff only. 277 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,110 Yeah. 278 00:10:27,161 --> 00:10:29,262 Here. Allow me to... 279 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,180 not get that for you. 280 00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:34,017 Good luck! 281 00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,356 Dad, I cut my arm. 282 00:10:38,357 --> 00:10:40,850 Oh, wow. You sure did, buddy. 283 00:10:40,851 --> 00:10:42,225 I'll get you fixed up. 284 00:10:42,864 --> 00:10:43,750 Where's mom? 285 00:10:44,118 --> 00:10:45,920 She belongs to the people now. 286 00:10:46,536 --> 00:10:48,355 My allergies are acting up again. 287 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,853 Well, it is your lucky day, 288 00:10:50,854 --> 00:10:52,380 because, missy, 289 00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:56,159 Dr. Dad has everything you need. 290 00:10:56,160 --> 00:11:00,196 Behold the healing powers of grape flavoring. 291 00:11:00,197 --> 00:11:01,210 Where's mom? 292 00:11:01,211 --> 00:11:02,401 Some people took her. 293 00:11:02,402 --> 00:11:03,420 Drink this. 294 00:11:03,421 --> 00:11:06,691 Listen, guys, your mom is taking on more responsibilities 295 00:11:06,692 --> 00:11:08,420 outside of the... house, 296 00:11:08,421 --> 00:11:10,300 but don't you worry. 297 00:11:10,456 --> 00:11:12,824 Good old... dad-- Oh, my goodness! 298 00:11:12,842 --> 00:11:15,300 - Ow! - I'm so sorry! 299 00:11:15,301 --> 00:11:16,564 You punched me! 300 00:11:16,565 --> 00:11:18,708 Dad, you gave me the drowsy kind. 301 00:11:18,709 --> 00:11:20,189 There's a drowsy kind?! 302 00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:22,007 I have to study for a test! 303 00:11:22,042 --> 00:11:23,366 Oh! It really hurts! 304 00:11:23,367 --> 00:11:25,380 - Well, I'll get you some ice. - No. No, no, no. 305 00:11:25,381 --> 00:11:26,391 I'll get it. 306 00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:29,298 Ah. 307 00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:34,394 Oh, you made it. How was it? 308 00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:34,910 Eh. 309 00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,232 Why? What's wrong, babe? 310 00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:38,916 - I don't want to talk about it. - Do it anyways. 311 00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:41,448 Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. 312 00:11:41,449 --> 00:11:43,178 He barely looks at my proposal, 313 00:11:43,179 --> 00:11:45,014 and he says he wants more "wow." 314 00:11:45,015 --> 00:11:46,956 What does he mean by more "wow"? 315 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,798 It's the "Bieber-ization" of America. 316 00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:50,532 What do beavers have to do with anything? 317 00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:52,695 The beavers--they build the dams all over the country 318 00:11:52,696 --> 00:11:53,914 so there's no floods, 319 00:11:53,915 --> 00:11:56,125 is the "beaver-ization" of the Americas. 320 00:11:57,318 --> 00:11:59,579 I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about. 321 00:12:00,435 --> 00:12:02,320 So why didn't you tell him 322 00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:04,429 that you've been in the business for such a long time-- 323 00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:05,245 it's not gonna make any difference. 324 00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,517 He wants to make a change. 325 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,984 And I got a factory full of people depending on this. 326 00:12:08,985 --> 00:12:10,717 - Yeah, but maybe if you tell him that-- - Gloria, please. 327 00:12:10,718 --> 00:12:12,432 I-I-I've had a tough day. 328 00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:13,994 Can we please not talk about it? 329 00:12:13,995 --> 00:12:15,390 But I want to help. 330 00:12:15,391 --> 00:12:16,968 Trust me. I wish you had the answers. 331 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:18,191 I do! 332 00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:21,572 - Hey, guys. - Hey, grandpa. 333 00:12:21,606 --> 00:12:23,557 - Hey, Jay. - What's with her? 334 00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:25,376 Just tired. Growth spurt. 335 00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:26,861 Hey, hey. 336 00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:28,862 - Hi, guys. - Hi, baby girl. 337 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,665 Hola, Lily. How are you? 338 00:12:31,683 --> 00:12:33,017 Dads are fighting. 339 00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,602 No, uh, we're not fighting. 340 00:12:34,636 --> 00:12:36,070 No, not at all, honey. 341 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,772 No. Okay, uh, go play, sweetheart. Okay? 342 00:12:37,806 --> 00:12:39,089 Let's go play with some blocks. Let's go stack some blocks. 343 00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,416 All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting 344 00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:43,264 is 'cause this one thinks he's dirty Harry. 345 00:12:43,265 --> 00:12:45,413 Having a hard time picturing Clint Eastwood in that shirt. 346 00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:46,630 Okay, let me ask you something. 347 00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:49,317 Today, at a stoplight, a guy ran into our car, 348 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,520 and then just took off. 349 00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:52,505 I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell... 350 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,757 Kept a level head and called the police. 351 00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:58,519 Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs? 352 00:12:59,341 --> 00:13:02,076 Okay, so which one of us did the right thing? 353 00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:02,934 Hit and run. Gotta chase him down. 354 00:13:02,935 --> 00:13:05,646 I chase the people all the time. 355 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,022 No. No. That's--that's irresponsible and dangerous. 356 00:13:07,023 --> 00:13:08,424 Okay, well, what if he had been armed? 357 00:13:08,425 --> 00:13:10,450 He wasn't armed. He had a Hillary bumper sticker. 358 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,594 This isn't an isolated incident. 359 00:13:12,628 --> 00:13:15,313 This morning he flipped out at somebody at The Muppet movie. 360 00:13:15,364 --> 00:13:17,766 You saw The Muppet movie without me? 361 00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:18,385 Oh, no. 362 00:13:18,386 --> 00:13:20,138 No, honey. Just the first two numbers. 363 00:13:20,139 --> 00:13:23,246 - No, Lily. Wait. - Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey? 364 00:13:23,247 --> 00:13:25,455 I need to talk to you. Do you know what our daughter did? 365 00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:27,323 Nothing. She's fine. She's reading. 366 00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:29,383 No, not her. Haley. Haley! 367 00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:31,635 - Come over here. I want to talk to you. - There she is. 368 00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,190 Not a scratch on her. 369 00:13:33,191 --> 00:13:34,765 Do you have something you want to say to us? 370 00:13:34,766 --> 00:13:37,401 - Uh... - Mmm... let me help you out here. 371 00:13:37,997 --> 00:13:39,320 Fake I.D.s? 372 00:13:39,321 --> 00:13:40,820 - What?! - Mm-hmm. 373 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:44,232 Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake I.D.s. 374 00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:46,278 I wasn't gonna use them for drinking. 375 00:13:46,279 --> 00:13:48,675 We just wanted to get into this club to see a band. 376 00:13:48,676 --> 00:13:51,812 She took a bunch of money from them and then she lost it. 377 00:13:51,813 --> 00:13:53,940 - How much? - $900. 378 00:13:53,941 --> 00:13:55,959 - You're kidding me! - Oh, my God! Oh! 379 00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:57,390 It's not my fault! 380 00:13:57,391 --> 00:14:00,341 I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off. 381 00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:01,578 What happened to your face? 382 00:14:02,068 --> 00:14:04,934 - Oh. I ran into a door. - Yeah. 383 00:14:05,298 --> 00:14:07,266 - What happened to your face? - Dad hit me. 384 00:14:07,301 --> 00:14:08,177 It was an accident. 385 00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,324 - I was trying to open up a band-aid! - Phil! 386 00:14:11,329 --> 00:14:12,263 What's wrong with her? 387 00:14:12,264 --> 00:14:13,972 - Growth spurt. - What's wrong with her? 388 00:14:13,973 --> 00:14:15,319 - I drugged her. - Phil! 389 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,262 I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine. 390 00:14:18,263 --> 00:14:20,296 Mm. All right, one thing at a time. 391 00:14:20,297 --> 00:14:23,342 Haley, how are you going to repay your friends? 392 00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:24,576 I don't know. 393 00:14:24,577 --> 00:14:27,168 I know. You go there with a couple of guys-- 394 00:14:27,169 --> 00:14:29,162 she's gotta get the money back. Who is this kid? 395 00:14:29,163 --> 00:14:31,797 A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena. 396 00:14:31,798 --> 00:14:33,661 Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police. 397 00:14:33,662 --> 00:14:36,358 No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now. 398 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,420 Claire's running for town council. 399 00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:39,413 That was before, 400 00:14:39,414 --> 00:14:41,591 when I thought you could take care of the children. 401 00:14:41,592 --> 00:14:43,389 I take my eye off the ball for one minute, 402 00:14:43,390 --> 00:14:45,832 and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, 403 00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:47,175 and one running a crime ring. 404 00:14:47,176 --> 00:14:49,947 Well, to be fair, Haley started her crime ring 405 00:14:49,948 --> 00:14:51,775 when your eye was still on the ball. 406 00:14:51,776 --> 00:14:53,644 It's not a crime ring. 407 00:14:53,645 --> 00:14:56,313 I just gotta get my hands on that $900. 408 00:14:56,314 --> 00:14:58,290 I know how the mafia would handle this. 409 00:15:00,184 --> 00:15:02,745 The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart-ass punks 410 00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:03,717 who keep changing the rules 411 00:15:03,718 --> 00:15:05,472 and think they can get away with anything they want. 412 00:15:05,794 --> 00:15:08,386 I'm gonna pay this guy a visit. Haley, text me his address. 413 00:15:08,387 --> 00:15:09,499 - I'm going with you. - Me, too. 414 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,300 Oh, no. No. Nobody's going anywhere. 415 00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,984 Okay, we're not vigilantes. 416 00:15:12,985 --> 00:15:13,939 Shotgun! 417 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,813 No! No weapons! 418 00:15:19,597 --> 00:15:21,267 In my country, it is tradition-- 419 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,152 when the men are out seeking vengeance, 420 00:15:23,186 --> 00:15:25,604 the women-- they stay home, and they drink. 421 00:15:25,639 --> 00:15:27,710 Sometimes I think you just make this stuff up. 422 00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:29,508 - Do you want a drink or not? - Oh, yeah. 423 00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:32,283 So what happened? 424 00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:34,979 You were running for office, and now you're not? 425 00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,823 Mm. I don't really want to talk about that. 426 00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:40,300 I know. I am sick and tired of no one needing my help. 427 00:15:40,301 --> 00:15:42,150 You are going to tell me what is wrong, 428 00:15:42,151 --> 00:15:43,791 and I'm gonna give you the right answer, 429 00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:45,604 because I have all of them. 430 00:15:46,057 --> 00:15:48,605 So why are you not running for office? 431 00:15:48,855 --> 00:15:50,656 Because my family needs me too much. 432 00:15:50,657 --> 00:15:52,080 You saw what just happened. 433 00:15:52,192 --> 00:15:53,993 Why are you not running for office? 434 00:15:54,027 --> 00:15:55,427 That doesn't work on me. 435 00:15:55,462 --> 00:15:57,296 Why are you not running for office?! 436 00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,192 Because I don't want to lose! 437 00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:00,674 I-- pfft! 438 00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:04,447 I haven't done anything outside of my house in 18 years. 439 00:16:04,448 --> 00:16:07,445 I don't want the first thing I do to be a complete failure. 440 00:16:07,685 --> 00:16:08,978 Okay. 441 00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:12,307 I'm gonna tell you a story about a little girl 442 00:16:13,074 --> 00:16:14,828 who entered a beauty pageant... 443 00:16:14,985 --> 00:16:17,994 Even though she was very, very scared 444 00:16:18,012 --> 00:16:19,729 that she was going to lose. 445 00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:21,731 Let me guess. You won. 446 00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:22,379 Of course I won, 447 00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,384 but I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita. 448 00:16:24,435 --> 00:16:25,549 She had a nose like a toucan, 449 00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,532 she stuffed her body in this bikini, 450 00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:30,074 and at the end, she finished dead last. 451 00:16:31,347 --> 00:16:33,190 How is that a good story? 452 00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:37,274 Because she faced her fears, and it didn't kill her. 453 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,354 Hmm. 454 00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,196 What killed her two weeks later was a bus. 455 00:16:41,197 --> 00:16:42,495 Are you serious? 456 00:16:42,496 --> 00:16:44,675 Yes, because she couldn't see anything coming 457 00:16:44,676 --> 00:16:45,955 with that big nose. 458 00:16:46,696 --> 00:16:49,344 This guy has won six elections. 459 00:16:49,345 --> 00:16:50,853 I am way out of my league. 460 00:16:50,854 --> 00:16:52,925 Look, I don't know anything about this guy, 461 00:16:52,926 --> 00:16:54,960 but I know that you're a tough lady, 462 00:16:54,995 --> 00:16:57,265 and I come from a family of tough ladies. 463 00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:00,535 And I have to say, sometimes you scare me a little bit. 464 00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:03,305 And I know that you're strong enough to win 465 00:17:03,339 --> 00:17:06,324 and definitely strong enough to be okay if you lose. 466 00:17:07,617 --> 00:17:08,532 I scare you? 467 00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:09,621 Are you kidding me? 468 00:17:09,622 --> 00:17:12,630 I want Thanksgiving at my house! 469 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:14,529 Why does everybody think I talk like that? 470 00:17:18,219 --> 00:17:20,037 This is it. 471 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,457 W-w-wait. No, no. Come on. Do we have a plan? 472 00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:25,059 It doesn't seem like we have a plan. 473 00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:27,111 Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money, 474 00:17:27,145 --> 00:17:28,136 or he gets a private performance 475 00:17:28,137 --> 00:17:30,631 from england Dan and John Ford Coley. 476 00:17:30,665 --> 00:17:32,550 That's not a good plan. That's not even a good band. 477 00:17:32,601 --> 00:17:35,052 If all you're gonna do is criticize, just wait by the car. 478 00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:36,353 Okay, fine. 479 00:17:36,404 --> 00:17:38,489 I'll see you in jail. 480 00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:41,786 - It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you. - Ugh. 481 00:17:49,875 --> 00:17:50,970 - Yeah? - You Peter? 482 00:17:51,562 --> 00:17:52,323 What do you want? 483 00:17:52,324 --> 00:17:55,017 You know Haley Dunphy? You owe her $900. 484 00:17:55,018 --> 00:17:56,604 - We're here to collect. - You dig? 485 00:17:56,605 --> 00:17:58,633 I tried to call that girl, like, ten times, 486 00:17:58,634 --> 00:18:00,820 but her voice mail was always... full. 487 00:18:00,821 --> 00:18:02,270 That does sound like Haley. 488 00:18:02,271 --> 00:18:03,866 So how are you gonna make this right? 489 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,374 You guys want the money, right? That's fine. 490 00:18:06,409 --> 00:18:08,710 I don't need any hassle. Hold on. 491 00:18:08,744 --> 00:18:10,745 I'll just... grab it. 492 00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:15,923 That was easy. 493 00:18:16,552 --> 00:18:17,971 He's lucky he didn't put up a fight. 494 00:18:18,471 --> 00:18:19,170 I would've treated him to a reunion 495 00:18:19,171 --> 00:18:21,830 of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young! 496 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,127 - We got a runner! Runner! - Aah! 497 00:18:26,161 --> 00:18:27,295 Stop! Stop! 498 00:18:27,329 --> 00:18:28,480 Stop! 499 00:18:31,767 --> 00:18:33,651 No. No. No. 500 00:18:33,702 --> 00:18:34,702 No. 501 00:18:34,737 --> 00:18:36,287 Oh! 502 00:18:36,322 --> 00:18:37,622 I got him! 503 00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:40,175 - Oh, my God. You did! - Don't be so surprised. 504 00:18:40,209 --> 00:18:41,976 Help! He's slipping out of his skinny jeans. 505 00:18:43,062 --> 00:18:44,846 Aah! 506 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,712 These are cute. I totally have these. 507 00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:50,317 - Hmm? - Ha ha ha! 508 00:18:50,719 --> 00:18:52,570 - Wow! - There you go! 509 00:18:52,605 --> 00:18:54,823 Oh, you got it back! Thank you! 510 00:18:54,857 --> 00:18:56,691 Hey, don't thank me. Thank your uncle Mitchell. 511 00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:58,660 He's the one who tackled the guy. 512 00:18:58,694 --> 00:19:02,045 - I got grass stains. - Well, I will tell you one thing. 513 00:19:02,046 --> 00:19:04,031 I have learned my lesson. 514 00:19:04,049 --> 00:19:06,067 Disappointing my family and friends 515 00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,569 is punishment enough. 516 00:19:07,603 --> 00:19:11,556 Nice try. You're grounded for two weeks. 517 00:19:11,590 --> 00:19:13,541 Okay, we have big news. 518 00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:17,912 Claire has decided to run for mayor after all. 519 00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:20,048 Thank you, but it's town council. 520 00:19:20,082 --> 00:19:22,934 It doesn't matter. You're not going to win anyways. 521 00:19:22,985 --> 00:19:24,986 But she's going to be okay. You see? 522 00:19:25,004 --> 00:19:28,606 I help the people. Why don't you two let me help you? 523 00:19:28,657 --> 00:19:30,725 Well, I can't speak for Jay, 524 00:19:30,759 --> 00:19:33,928 but I guess I'm just too proud to ask for help. 525 00:19:33,963 --> 00:19:36,297 Are you serious? She cuts your steak. 526 00:19:36,332 --> 00:19:37,599 What about you? 527 00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:39,634 I don't want to bother you with my business. 528 00:19:39,668 --> 00:19:41,069 What else do I do every day? 529 00:19:41,103 --> 00:19:42,391 I don't know. I'm guessing the gym 530 00:19:42,392 --> 00:19:44,672 and... one other thing? 531 00:19:44,707 --> 00:19:47,392 Dad, you should listen to her. She might really help you. 532 00:19:47,443 --> 00:19:48,476 Huh. 533 00:19:48,510 --> 00:19:50,061 She could be an asset. 534 00:19:50,112 --> 00:19:52,280 Hmm. 535 00:19:52,314 --> 00:19:54,065 - Asset. - Heard it. 536 00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:57,652 And look at the shelves over here. 537 00:19:57,686 --> 00:20:00,629 They're for the shoes. Those are my favorite ones. 538 00:20:00,823 --> 00:20:04,242 So what do you think? 539 00:20:04,293 --> 00:20:06,094 Wow! 540 00:20:07,997 --> 00:20:12,267 Same... exact... closet. 541 00:20:12,686 --> 00:20:14,136 We never needed fake I.D.s on the farm. 542 00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:16,841 We figured if a 16-year-old could drive a tractor, 543 00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:19,579 he could drink a beer. Not at the same time, of course. 544 00:20:19,580 --> 00:20:21,014 It's Missouri, not Texas. 545 00:20:21,049 --> 00:20:24,801 I used a fake I.D. to get into an "R"-rated movie-- 546 00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:26,837 "the fabulous Baker boys." 547 00:20:26,888 --> 00:20:28,555 I found the title to be misleading. 548 00:20:28,589 --> 00:20:30,841 Lot of Michelle Pfeiffer-- that's all I'm saying. 549 00:20:30,892 --> 00:20:33,093 I remember when I got my fake I.D. 550 00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:34,594 Me, too. Crazy times. 551 00:20:34,628 --> 00:20:36,596 Hell, yeah. I tried to enlist in the army, 552 00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:38,435 but they saw right through me, so me and a bunch of guys 553 00:20:38,436 --> 00:20:40,538 drove across state lines, we got a bunch of booze, 554 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:43,573 we loaded up on fireworks, and I woke up in the morning-- 555 00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:46,342 I kid you not-- in a Mexican strip joint. 556 00:20:48,157 --> 00:20:48,784 You? 557 00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:52,816 Uh, I used mine to rent some bowling shoes and kept 'em. 558 00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,384 Suckers probably spent months 559 00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:58,255 trying to track down Dr. Richard Hertz. 560 00:20:58,289 --> 00:20:59,557 Think about it. 561 00:20:59,657 --> 00:21:02,135 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net