WEBVTT FILE

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Good morning!

2
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There's the birthday boy!

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65 candles on one cake.

4
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This is a big day for you...

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and for the astronauts
who can see it from space.

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Happy birthday to you.

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Thank you. And just so everyone knows,
I want a quiet day.

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No surprises.

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No surprises.

10
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Last night, I found out
that I am pregnant,

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so Jay's gonna get one big surprise.

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Okay, two if you count

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the barbecue apron
with the bikini body on it.

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I don't blame you, Jay.

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You'd had enough excitement
in one lifetime...

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The dawn of flight,
printed books, agriculture.

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All right, what's with all the jokes?

18
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It's insult comedy.

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I've been watching old
Dean Martin roasts online.

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Like this guy knows
from the Internet.

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The other morning,

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I saw him looking for the crank
on the front of his car.

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- Okay, you're done.
- I make fun, and we laugh.

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But in all seriousness,

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if you see a light today,
don't walk towards it.

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I'm sorry I was asleep
when you got home.

27
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Cam and Mitch must be disappointed.

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They were really geared up
to get that kid.

29
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But there's a silver lining.

30
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You might be right.
Babies are a lot of work.

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No, that's not what I mean.

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I'm...

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Ah, you know, and these two
aren't getting any younger.

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The last thing they need
is to start over.

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Would that be so bad?

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Hey, Jay.

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- Hey!
- Hi.

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What are you doing?

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- What the heck is that?
- What?

40
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Get him!

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Jay has been very explicit

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about what he wants
to do for his 65th birthday,

43
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but Phil Dunphy
reads between the lines.

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What the hell is going on?!
What are you doing?!

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Making your birthday dreams
comes true.

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It's your special day, buddy.

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Should we put him in the trunk?

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Why would we put him in the trunk?

49
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You said there were no bad ideas.

50
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Get this stupid thing off me!

51
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I thought you said the hood
would calm him down.

52
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It works with my falcon.

53
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Don't worry, Gloria.
We'll have him back in time for dinner.

54
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Which for him is
at 4:00 in the afternoon.

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'Cause he's old! I love it!

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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

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Synced by YYeTs, corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

58
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This is really good coffee.

59
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It really is.

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- Ahh.
- Is it a medium roast or...

61
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Uh, dark.

62
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Oh. I was gonna say dark.
I don't know why I said medium.

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Well, you would've been right.

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Is it whole milk or...

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- 2%.
- 2%.

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Okay. This is ridiculous.

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We need to talk about
the elephant in the room.

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The giant stuffed elephant

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was a gift from
our good friend Pepper.

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Gay guys having kids is...
it's relatively new,

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so our community has not yet learned

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how to modulate baby gifts.

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When Steven and Stefan
had little Rocco,

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our friend Longinus sent over

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the whole cast of "Yo gabba gabba".

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Now Rocco cries whenever
he sees bright colors.

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I'm not allowed over there.

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I guess we should
donate it somewhere,

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along with the 800-pound gorilla.

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I mean, you know, now that
we're not getting a baby.

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A decision, by the way,

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which seems even better
in the light of day.

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Mm. No, I totally agree.

84
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- So we're good?
- No, we're great.

85
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We couldn't have
handled this any better.

86
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No.

87
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Where's my new baby brother?

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Okay. Uh, slight oversight.

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Can I see him?
Can we name him Larry?

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Okay, sweetie.
Here, have a seat with us.

91
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Um, listen.

92
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There's something
we need to tell you.

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Is it about Larry?

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Well, uh, yes.
Uh, sort of.

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Um, it... it turns out that...
We're not getting a baby.

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Yeah, and I know this...
this makes you very sad,

97
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but I promise you
we're still a family...

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Can I have a kitten?

99
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A kitten?

100
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If I can't have a brother,

101
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then I want a kitten named Larry.

102
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Okay, w-what's this about?
Is Larry on a show?

103
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He's not, which is what's weird.

104
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- Ooh! How was prom?
- So fun.

105
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Michael and I danced all night...

106
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And then we stayed after
and helped clean up,

107
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which was awesome

108
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because I got to meet
next year's trig teacher.

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That is not the prom I remember.

110
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I have such a bad headache!

111
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That's the prom I remember.

112
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Were you drinking?

113
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Mom, do we really have to do this?

114
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You ask if I was drinking,
I say "No,"

115
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and we both know
that that's not true.

116
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I mean, aren't we past
this point in our relationship?

117
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No, young lady, we are not.

118
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Then I wasn't drinking.

119
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Me neither, Mrs. D.

120
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Dear God. Tell me he
did not spend the night here.

121
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Mom, do we really have to do this?

122
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Mom, I have a big decision to make

123
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about poetry camp this summer.

124
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Is this about
the walking sticks again?

125
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Pack them all and decide
when you're there.

126
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I can either focus
on sonnets or free verse.

127
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I've always fancied
myself a sonneteer,

128
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But I'm thinking the free verse girls

129
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will be freer with everything,

130
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If you catch my meaning.

131
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Hmm? Ay. I'm sorry, Manny.

132
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I'm sure you will make
the right decision.

133
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Are you okay?
You seem distracted.

134
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Manny, sit down.
I have to tell you something.

135
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What?

136
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I am pregnant.

137
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You're what?

138
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I'm going to have a baby.

139
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Wow.

140
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What?

141
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You're not happy?

142
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Yeah. Sure.

143
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It's just a lot to take in.

144
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And I'll be honest, this isn't coming
at a great time for me,

145
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with everything I've got going on.

146
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This is not your responsibility.

147
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Neither is our wooden salad bowl,

148
00:05:11.927 --> 00:05:13.362
but I'm the only one who oils it.

149
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Without me, that thing would
soak up dressing like a sponge.

150
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Manny, I can take care of a baby.

151
00:05:17.520 --> 00:05:18.727
I took care of you.

152
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Please. I was an anomaly.
I self-potty trained.

153
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I just did not get the appeal

154
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of intentionally soiling one's pants.

155
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That said,

156
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I will admit to missing
the kisses on my tummy.

157
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How did Jay take it?

158
00:05:31.916 --> 00:05:33.683
I haven't been able to tell him yet.

159
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He might not be too thrilled.

160
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Do you think? I was starting
to wonder the same thing.

161
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He doesn't deal well with change.

162
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I know.

163
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He still checks the front step
for the evening paper.

164
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Don't worry, mom.
I'm sure he'll adapt.

165
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Although, he still does
call the remote the "Clicker."

166
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Ay, yeah.

167
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I'm bored, daddy.
Make the car dance.

168
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All right.
But just for a second, all right?

169
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Do it again.

170
00:06:05.910 --> 00:06:07.461
No. Once was enough.

171
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If I can't have a brother,
then I want the car to dance.

172
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Wow, you are really comfortable
playing that card.

173
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Hey!

174
00:06:18.198 --> 00:06:19.541
They wouldn't take 'em.

175
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They were afraid
they might have bedbugs.

176
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Are you serious?
They rejected our donation?

177
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I was so offended,

178
00:06:27.540 --> 00:06:29.187
I almost didn't buy
this fiestaware creamer.

179
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2 bucks.

180
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Didn't know what they had.

181
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Ah! Score.

182
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So what are we gonna do now?

183
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Get a kitten and then name it Larry.

184
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Lily, honey, this is hardly
the day to get a kitten, okay?

185
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Would you just tell her?

186
00:06:41.876 --> 00:06:43.121
I don't know.

187
00:06:43.658 --> 00:06:45.035
I kinda want one now.

188
00:06:45.664 --> 00:06:47.028
You know, we have been through a lot,

189
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and maybe the presence
of a cuddly little friend

190
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will help us ease the pain.

191
00:06:52.525 --> 00:06:53.993
Okay, so what you're saying is,

192
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You have a child-shaped
hole in your heart,

193
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And your plan is
to cram a cat into there?

194
00:06:59.925 --> 00:07:01.133
He has a name.

195
00:07:02.852 --> 00:07:04.979
I can't wait till your eyes
adjust to the light,

196
00:07:04.980 --> 00:07:06.578
and we see the look on your face.

197
00:07:06.579 --> 00:07:07.903
I hate you guys.

198
00:07:07.904 --> 00:07:10.229
Hey, Phil, you ever think
about growing a beard?

199
00:07:10.230 --> 00:07:11.698
I mean, you got the face for it.

200
00:07:11.699 --> 00:07:12.589
- You think?
- Yeah.

201
00:07:12.590 --> 00:07:14.663
That's funny. I always thought so,
but my wife doesn't.

202
00:07:14.664 --> 00:07:15.437
Oh, what does she know?

203
00:07:15.438 --> 00:07:17.928
Come on, you got a great nose,
those deep-set eyes.

204
00:07:17.929 --> 00:07:19.313
I mean, you would look good.

205
00:07:19.667 --> 00:07:20.636
Thanks, Shorty.

206
00:07:20.637 --> 00:07:23.609
It's, uh, sort of a Jon Hamm
in between projects.

207
00:07:23.610 --> 00:07:24.958
Okay, put me back in the trunk.

208
00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:25.978
Relax, you're almost there.

209
00:07:25.979 --> 00:07:27.100
Nope, I'm done now!

210
00:07:27.101 --> 00:07:28.549
- Hey, Jay, no!
- No! No! No! Hey!

211
00:07:28.660 --> 00:07:30.963
Jay! Jay!

212
00:07:31.319 --> 00:07:32.748
- Jay!
- Son of a bitch!

213
00:07:32.804 --> 00:07:33.957
Somebody help me!

214
00:07:34.089 --> 00:07:36.306
I would, but... but
these pants are cashmere!

215
00:07:36.307 --> 00:07:37.587
I got you, Jay!

216
00:07:38.760 --> 00:07:40.176
You gotta calm him down!

217
00:07:40.381 --> 00:07:42.648
- Punch him in the head!
- Don't punch him in the head!

218
00:07:42.649 --> 00:07:45.051
Don't make me punch you!
I will punch you to save you!

219
00:07:45.052 --> 00:07:46.138
I think I'm being waterboarded.

220
00:07:46.139 --> 00:07:47.683
You're making me do this!

221
00:07:49.265 --> 00:07:50.649
Get this thing off me!

222
00:07:53.032 --> 00:07:54.212
Happy birthday.

223
00:07:54.555 --> 00:07:55.843
We're taking you fishing.

224
00:07:57.523 --> 00:07:58.487
For whatever it's worth,

225
00:07:58.488 --> 00:08:00.552
Dylan was very
responsible last night.

226
00:08:00.633 --> 00:08:02.426
He's a good guy to have
around the house.

227
00:08:03.117 --> 00:08:04.238
Mm. Where we going with this?

228
00:08:04.239 --> 00:08:06.382
Well, since I can't move in
with him anymore,

229
00:08:06.383 --> 00:08:07.952
he can't afford his apartment.

230
00:08:07.953 --> 00:08:10.933
So I was wondering
if it would be okay

231
00:08:10.934 --> 00:08:13.417
if he could stay with us
for a couple weeks?

232
00:08:13.418 --> 00:08:14.916
Sure. Oh, you know what?

233
00:08:14.917 --> 00:08:16.438
Why don't you guys take our room?

234
00:08:19.161 --> 00:08:20.594
She's being facetious.

235
00:08:21.544 --> 00:08:22.801
Sarcastic.

236
00:08:23.427 --> 00:08:24.916
Dylan no stay.

237
00:08:24.917 --> 00:08:25.781
What?!

238
00:08:25.782 --> 00:08:27.128
Oh, come on!
He helps out a lot.

239
00:08:27.129 --> 00:08:28.728
He is very handy.

240
00:08:28.964 --> 00:08:31.883
Really? The guy who
locked himself in his car?

241
00:08:31.884 --> 00:08:34.769
You are in no position to be
asking for favors, young lady.

242
00:08:34.770 --> 00:08:37.258
Here. Drink this.
It's for your hangover.

243
00:08:38.257 --> 00:08:39.316
Ugh. It smells gross.

244
00:08:39.317 --> 00:08:41.038
Well, then you better drink it fast.

245
00:08:45.746 --> 00:08:46.939
Ew! I'm gonna throw up!
Ugh! Ugh!

246
00:08:51.281 --> 00:08:52.593
That's a hangover cure?

247
00:08:53.029 --> 00:08:54.077
No.

248
00:08:55.039 --> 00:08:56.404
Well, this is probably shot.

249
00:08:57.199 --> 00:09:00.086
Once again, I'd like to apologize
for punching you in the head.

250
00:09:00.484 --> 00:09:02.030
It really was the only way
to save you

251
00:09:02.031 --> 00:09:04.647
since you were bound and...
hooded,

252
00:09:04.648 --> 00:09:06.357
which leads me to my second apology.

253
00:09:06.358 --> 00:09:08.858
Gentlemen, come on.
As my uncle used to say,

254
00:09:08.883 --> 00:09:11.543
let's not let a botched kidnapping
ruin our whole afternoon.

255
00:09:11.544 --> 00:09:13.643
He's right.
The whole point of this

256
00:09:13.644 --> 00:09:16.477
is for you to enjoy the lake
with your three best friends.

257
00:09:16.903 --> 00:09:17.999
Stan coming?

258
00:09:18.435 --> 00:09:19.659
Burn!

259
00:09:20.381 --> 00:09:22.597
So... 65, huh?

260
00:09:23.030 --> 00:09:25.476
You're heading into
the best years of your life.

261
00:09:25.477 --> 00:09:26.102
That's right.

262
00:09:26.103 --> 00:09:27.572
You put in the work.
You climbed the mountain.

263
00:09:27.573 --> 00:09:29.776
Now it's time to reap the rewards.

264
00:09:29.777 --> 00:09:30.554
I guess you're right.

265
00:09:30.555 --> 00:09:31.633
Sounds pretty good to me.

266
00:09:31.634 --> 00:09:33.085
You know, the more I look at you,

267
00:09:33.086 --> 00:09:35.138
the angrier I get that
you don't got a beard.

268
00:09:35.139 --> 00:09:36.327
I had a soul patch once.

269
00:09:36.328 --> 00:09:38.920
A soul patch?
That's like a beard's crap.

270
00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:41.585
I golfed six times last week.

271
00:09:41.645 --> 00:09:43.804
Found 42 balls... a new record.

272
00:09:43.805 --> 00:09:45.443
I don't think my falcon
could have found that many,

273
00:09:45.444 --> 00:09:47.821
And he can spot a mouse at 600 yards.

274
00:09:47.822 --> 00:09:49.494
Whats that have to do with beards?

275
00:09:49.495 --> 00:09:51.323
I thought we were talking
about Jay turning 65

276
00:09:51.324 --> 00:09:52.632
and how good that's gonna be.

277
00:09:52.633 --> 00:09:53.989
That's right.
It's gonna be great, Jay.

278
00:09:53.990 --> 00:09:56.350
I'm telling ya.
I got a vegetable garden.

279
00:09:56.351 --> 00:09:59.000
Two years ago, it was a patch
of dirt in my backyard.

280
00:09:59.025 --> 00:10:01.744
Now I got tomatoes,
I got five kinds of beans,

281
00:10:01.745 --> 00:10:02.798
I got squash.

282
00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:04.239
And between you and me,

283
00:10:04.353 --> 00:10:06.486
I'm even thinking about
pickling my own cucumbers.

284
00:10:06.487 --> 00:10:08.300
Why would that be between you and me?

285
00:10:08.301 --> 00:10:11.013
Because there's a
finite number of pickles.

286
00:10:11.110 --> 00:10:12.912
But don't worry.
All you guys are on the list.

287
00:10:12.913 --> 00:10:14.425
Well, I'd like to make a toast.

288
00:10:15.462 --> 00:10:17.624
To Jay, who's not
particularly buoyant.

289
00:10:17.625 --> 00:10:19.188
And again, I'm very sorry about that.

290
00:10:19.189 --> 00:10:21.718
But he's the best father-in-law
a guy could ask for.

291
00:10:21.719 --> 00:10:23.065
All right.

292
00:10:23.066 --> 00:10:24.810
And we're... we're all really
lucky to know him. Cheers.

293
00:10:24.811 --> 00:10:25.962
- Here, here.
- Salud.

294
00:10:26.387 --> 00:10:27.414
Thanks, guys.
You know what?

295
00:10:27.415 --> 00:10:29.503
It is kinda nice
being out here with all of ya.

296
00:10:29.530 --> 00:10:31.042
Hey, let's do some fishing.

297
00:10:31.055 --> 00:10:33.479
I'm starting to feel better
now that I'm finally getting dry.

298
00:10:33.849 --> 00:10:34.864
Let's do this!

299
00:10:34.865 --> 00:10:36.036
- Let's go!
- All right!

300
00:10:42.691 --> 00:10:43.484
Sure.

301
00:10:43.485 --> 00:10:43.952
You know,

302
00:10:43.953 --> 00:10:45.690
I had a little peppermints
schnapps at my prom,

303
00:10:45.691 --> 00:10:47.106
but I hid it from my parents

304
00:10:47.107 --> 00:10:49.419
and I kicked my boyfriend out
before they woke up.

305
00:10:49.554 --> 00:10:50.866
It's called respect.

306
00:10:52.338 --> 00:10:53.679
I'm pregnant.

307
00:10:54.520 --> 00:10:56.032
You're gonna get fat.

308
00:10:56.823 --> 00:10:58.233
You... oh!
I mean...

309
00:10:58.330 --> 00:11:00.410
That's great. It's great!
You're pregnant!

310
00:11:00.411 --> 00:11:01.950
It's great! Congratulations!

311
00:11:03.537 --> 00:11:04.745
It was a surprise.

312
00:11:04.746 --> 00:11:06.773
Yeah, I'll bet.
What did my dad say?

313
00:11:06.774 --> 00:11:08.195
I haven't told him yet.

314
00:11:08.196 --> 00:11:11.468
I worry that he's going to think
it's not such great news.

315
00:11:11.903 --> 00:11:13.935
Ohh, no.
Don't be silly.

316
00:11:14.064 --> 00:11:15.423
He's gonna be thrilled.

317
00:11:16.552 --> 00:11:18.544
I knew he wasn't gonna be thrilled.

318
00:11:18.659 --> 00:11:20.666
And if history was any indication,

319
00:11:20.776 --> 00:11:22.624
he wasn't gonna be able to hide it.

320
00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:26.034
It's a French Canadian
delicacy called poutine.

321
00:11:26.035 --> 00:11:26.984
Mm. Well, it looks like vomit,

322
00:11:26.985 --> 00:11:29.540
so I'm not pou-ting it in my mouth.

323
00:11:32.891 --> 00:11:33.978
We're here!

324
00:11:36.150 --> 00:11:37.216
What'd you do to your hair?

325
00:11:37.217 --> 00:11:38.557
I thought I'd try
something different.

326
00:11:38.562 --> 00:11:39.778
What, looking old?

327
00:11:42.663 --> 00:11:43.665
I had to get to dad

328
00:11:43.666 --> 00:11:46.146
before he said something
insensitive to Gloria.

329
00:11:47.603 --> 00:11:49.827
But she is gonna get
really fat, though.

330
00:11:52.096 --> 00:11:53.502
Dad, call me back.

331
00:11:53.503 --> 00:11:55.052
I have something
very important to tell you

332
00:11:55.053 --> 00:11:56.836
so when you get home
you don't say something stupid

333
00:11:56.837 --> 00:11:58.028
like you usually do.

334
00:11:58.039 --> 00:11:59.607
Oh, happy birthday.

335
00:12:00.510 --> 00:12:02.574
Yeah. I've gotta say,

336
00:12:02.739 --> 00:12:05.497
you're handling this baby thing
better than I would've expected.

337
00:12:05.498 --> 00:12:06.319
What do you mean?

338
00:12:06.320 --> 00:12:08.225
You're used to being
the only kid in the house.

339
00:12:08.351 --> 00:12:11.327
Now there's gonna be a new kid.
Jay's kid.

340
00:12:11.352 --> 00:12:12.132
So?

341
00:12:12.133 --> 00:12:13.739
Well, the old Manny
would've been worried

342
00:12:13.740 --> 00:12:15.740
That Jay would love the new kid more.

343
00:12:15.887 --> 00:12:18.113
I think you're underestimating
how adorable I am.

344
00:12:18.114 --> 00:12:20.642
You're right.
You're way cuter than a baby.

345
00:12:20.949 --> 00:12:22.421
I'm gonna go check on dinner.

346
00:12:24.568 --> 00:12:27.552
Sometimes I just like to toss
a grenade and run away.

347
00:12:29.013 --> 00:12:30.343
All right, take a whiff.

348
00:12:30.344 --> 00:12:31.152
Make sure you like it,

349
00:12:31.153 --> 00:12:33.030
'cause that's what
our couch is gonna smell like.

350
00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:35.440
Okay, hi.
Yes, we're gonna take this one.

351
00:12:35.441 --> 00:12:37.431
Oh, I'm gonna need you
to slow down a bit.

352
00:12:37.432 --> 00:12:39.218
There's a process
we need to go through

353
00:12:39.219 --> 00:12:41.126
to see if you're a suitable
cat guardian.

354
00:12:41.127 --> 00:12:42.596
Oh, really?
Because I thought the process was,

355
00:12:42.597 --> 00:12:43.515
I say, "We'll take this one."

356
00:12:43.516 --> 00:12:45.479
And then you say, "Thank God
because we have too many cats."

357
00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:48.344
No. We need to ensure these cats
are going to good homes.

358
00:12:48.345 --> 00:12:50.182
That's why we need you
to fill out this form,

359
00:12:50.183 --> 00:12:51.782
And then there'll be a site visit.

360
00:12:51.783 --> 00:12:54.205
Okay, um, we've just been
through a very frustrating year

361
00:12:54.206 --> 00:12:56.063
trying to adopt a baby, so...

362
00:12:56.431 --> 00:12:58.081
You'll forgive us
if we're not really in the mood

363
00:12:58.082 --> 00:13:00.181
to jump through
too many hoops for a cat.

364
00:13:00.182 --> 00:13:02.134
Oh. Why wouldn't they
give you a baby?

365
00:13:02.135 --> 00:13:03.648
- It's complicated.
- So are cats.

366
00:13:03.649 --> 00:13:05.527
Are they? 'cause that one
over there has been licking

367
00:13:05.528 --> 00:13:06.762
itself ever since we got here.

368
00:13:06.763 --> 00:13:09.331
Okay, you know what?
I'm... I can't do this.

369
00:13:10.091 --> 00:13:11.437
What about Larry?

370
00:13:11.438 --> 00:13:12.862
I'm sorry, Lily.
Not today.

371
00:13:15.507 --> 00:13:17.578
Mitchell stormed off, but I couldn't.

372
00:13:17.730 --> 00:13:19.154
I had to give her a piece of my mind.

373
00:13:19.155 --> 00:13:20.041
And how'd that go?

374
00:13:20.042 --> 00:13:22.127
I may have strayed
off topic just a bit.

375
00:13:22.272 --> 00:13:23.251
No, sir!

376
00:13:23.252 --> 00:13:25.682
No, she will always be
Norma Jeane Baker to me.

377
00:13:25.683 --> 00:13:26.993
What is your point, exactly?

378
00:13:26.994 --> 00:13:28.871
That like the
thrice-married starlet,

379
00:13:28.872 --> 00:13:31.784
this cat is being deprived
a stable home.

380
00:13:31.785 --> 00:13:33.153
I'm sorry if you're upset.

381
00:13:33.154 --> 00:13:35.110
You're the one who
should be upset, ma'am.

382
00:13:35.111 --> 00:13:37.431
We are animals lovers.

383
00:13:37.639 --> 00:13:40.505
That cat would've been
on the receiving end of affection

384
00:13:40.506 --> 00:13:42.282
24 hours a day.

385
00:13:42.365 --> 00:13:46.322
Satisfying its every need
would've been our top priority.

386
00:13:51.768 --> 00:13:53.126
Okay, in light of that tableau,

387
00:13:53.127 --> 00:13:55.181
I would like to take back
the phrase "receiving end."

388
00:13:56.246 --> 00:13:58.811
Mom, I've decided I'm not
going to poetry camp.

389
00:13:58.812 --> 00:13:59.977
What? Why not?

390
00:13:59.978 --> 00:14:01.262
'Cause by the time I come back,

391
00:14:01.263 --> 00:14:03.005
Jay will have turned
my room into a nursery.

392
00:14:03.006 --> 00:14:03.947
No, he won't.

393
00:14:03.948 --> 00:14:05.177
I'm not his real kid.

394
00:14:05.178 --> 00:14:07.836
I'll be as insignificant
as a whisper in a windstorm.

395
00:14:07.837 --> 00:14:10.623
Oh, listen to you.
You have a gift.

396
00:14:10.624 --> 00:14:12.111
You have to go to the poetry camp.

397
00:14:12.112 --> 00:14:13.180
I don't think I can risk it.

398
00:14:13.181 --> 00:14:15.807
Manny, please. I have too much
to worry about right now.

399
00:14:15.808 --> 00:14:16.943
- Okay?
- You?

400
00:14:16.944 --> 00:14:18.453
I dug a pretty big hole for myself

401
00:14:18.454 --> 00:14:20.130
with those insult jokes this morning.

402
00:14:20.349 --> 00:14:21.960
Why didn't I learn from Rickles?

403
00:14:21.961 --> 00:14:23.513
You gotta end with some ticker.

404
00:14:25.826 --> 00:14:26.708
Okay, I give up.

405
00:14:26.709 --> 00:14:28.725
I can't find a position
that's not sexual.

406
00:14:28.872 --> 00:14:31.013
- Just calm down.
- I can't calm down.

407
00:14:31.014 --> 00:14:33.910
You know, maybe we're not
as okay as we keep saying we are.

408
00:14:34.093 --> 00:14:36.572
- I know.
- Maybe we should go away.

409
00:14:36.579 --> 00:14:38.843
You know, go someplace to heal.

410
00:14:38.844 --> 00:14:39.868
Where?

411
00:14:39.926 --> 00:14:41.975
Well, someplace with
a vibrant theater scene...

412
00:14:42.908 --> 00:14:44.459
Top-notch restaurants...

413
00:14:45.204 --> 00:14:46.371
The jewel of Missouri's white river.

414
00:14:46.372 --> 00:14:47.550
We're not going to Branson.

415
00:14:47.551 --> 00:14:50.703
Okay, fine.
Where would you go?

416
00:14:50.842 --> 00:14:52.583
I don't know.
Maybe Europe?

417
00:14:52.584 --> 00:14:53.490
London?

418
00:14:53.502 --> 00:14:55.391
Just somewhere far away.

419
00:14:57.366 --> 00:14:59.246
- I'm just sad, Cam.
- I am, too.

420
00:14:59.775 --> 00:15:01.815
You know, I had
our mornings all planned out.

421
00:15:03.050 --> 00:15:05.502
The baby and I would
walk Lily to kindergarten

422
00:15:05.503 --> 00:15:06.931
and then cut back home
through the park

423
00:15:06.932 --> 00:15:08.568
and feed those ducks
that you're not supposed to feed

424
00:15:08.569 --> 00:15:09.975
but everybody does.

425
00:15:10.727 --> 00:15:12.364
I bought a picture frame for my desk,

426
00:15:12.365 --> 00:15:14.381
and it's just sitting there,

427
00:15:14.996 --> 00:15:16.492
waiting for his face.

428
00:15:16.710 --> 00:15:17.806
Come here.

429
00:15:21.107 --> 00:15:22.221
I already feel better.

430
00:15:22.222 --> 00:15:23.230
Me, too.

431
00:15:23.231 --> 00:15:25.015
See what the power of a hug can do?

432
00:15:25.193 --> 00:15:27.103
Just saved us a long
plane ride with a toddler.

433
00:15:27.104 --> 00:15:30.183
- And a cat that we didn't want.
- Oh, we're still getting that.

434
00:15:32.470 --> 00:15:34.118
All right, how does this look?

435
00:15:34.603 --> 00:15:36.987
Perfectly innocent.
They're not even touching.

436
00:15:37.871 --> 00:15:39.258
Great. Okay. Let's go.

437
00:15:39.259 --> 00:15:40.347
All right.

438
00:15:40.608 --> 00:15:41.800
You ready, honey?

439
00:15:46.816 --> 00:15:48.433
Go. Go.

440
00:15:49.427 --> 00:15:50.803
Hey, Mrs. Dunphy?

441
00:15:50.873 --> 00:15:53.458
I heard about what Haley asked you,
and just so you know,

442
00:15:53.459 --> 00:15:55.903
I never wanted
to put you in that position.

443
00:15:56.039 --> 00:15:58.031
- I'll be fine.
- That's good to know.

444
00:15:59.383 --> 00:16:01.679
My cousin Dylan said
I could stay at his house.

445
00:16:01.797 --> 00:16:04.054
Well, not really at his house.

446
00:16:04.055 --> 00:16:06.581
More like behind it...
In the garage.

447
00:16:06.582 --> 00:16:07.469
Okay.

448
00:16:07.470 --> 00:16:09.050
Well, actually, there are no walls,

449
00:16:09.051 --> 00:16:10.564
So it's more of a porte cochere.

450
00:16:10.565 --> 00:16:11.538
Fancy.

451
00:16:11.539 --> 00:16:13.116
Anyway, I'll be sleeping in it.

452
00:16:13.117 --> 00:16:14.477
It's got a bathroom.

453
00:16:15.068 --> 00:16:16.393
More of a half-bath.

454
00:16:16.394 --> 00:16:17.874
It's a coffee can.

455
00:16:18.579 --> 00:16:20.020
- Ohh.
- Anyway, I'll be fine

456
00:16:20.021 --> 00:16:22.522
once I find a nice tent
to protect me from the coyotes.

457
00:16:22.523 --> 00:16:24.707
Well, be sure to hang
your food up high.

458
00:16:25.355 --> 00:16:26.531
We're back!

459
00:16:27.114 --> 00:16:28.585
Birthday boy's here!

460
00:16:29.008 --> 00:16:30.316
Hey, Jay, you're all wrinkled.

461
00:16:30.317 --> 00:16:31.906
Yeah, yeah, I'm old. I get it.

462
00:16:31.907 --> 00:16:33.004
No, I mean your clothes.

463
00:16:33.005 --> 00:16:34.855
Yeah, when I was your age,
I was wearing animal skins.

464
00:16:34.856 --> 00:16:35.794
Bam! You got me.

465
00:16:35.795 --> 00:16:37.501
I think, bam!
You got yourself.

466
00:16:37.502 --> 00:16:38.776
I'm just expressing concern.

467
00:16:38.777 --> 00:16:40.615
Let me guess...
about my bone density.

468
00:16:40.616 --> 00:16:41.975
You know,
you're a real smart-ass.

469
00:16:41.976 --> 00:16:44.241
At this rate, I'll be living
in the basement.

470
00:16:44.293 --> 00:16:45.413
Lucky.

471
00:16:45.758 --> 00:16:48.286
Dad? Dad, okay, quick.
Just come here one second.

472
00:16:48.287 --> 00:16:49.200
I gotta tell you something.

473
00:16:49.201 --> 00:16:53.794
Somebody is about to tell you
some very important news.

474
00:16:53.795 --> 00:16:55.421
And for the first time in your life,

475
00:16:55.422 --> 00:16:56.912
I need you to react nicely.

476
00:16:56.913 --> 00:16:59.513
- I always react nicely.
- You never do.

477
00:16:59.514 --> 00:17:02.514
And this person in question
is very vulnerable right now.

478
00:17:02.515 --> 00:17:05.636
So could you please just
be loving and supportive?

479
00:17:05.853 --> 00:17:07.939
- Happy birthday, dad!
- Oh, thank you.

480
00:17:07.940 --> 00:17:09.362
That's a boy.

481
00:17:09.363 --> 00:17:11.658
Sorry we're late,
but it's for a good reason.

482
00:17:13.086 --> 00:17:14.727
We're thinking about getting a cat.

483
00:17:15.877 --> 00:17:17.977
Well, isn't that wonderful?

484
00:17:17.978 --> 00:17:20.844
I'm thrilled for you both.
This is a heck of a decision.

485
00:17:20.845 --> 00:17:22.405
You have my full support.

486
00:17:24.888 --> 00:17:25.566
Okay.

487
00:17:25.567 --> 00:17:27.488
I think it'll be a perfect
addition to the family.

488
00:17:27.489 --> 00:17:29.688
I know I'll love the heck out
of the little bugger.

489
00:17:29.689 --> 00:17:32.036
I'm just hoping that little one
over there doesn't get jealous.

490
00:17:32.037 --> 00:17:33.588
Oh, this little one will be just fine

491
00:17:33.589 --> 00:17:35.153
now that he knows where he stands...

492
00:17:35.154 --> 00:17:36.684
In the shadow of your new baby!

493
00:17:36.685 --> 00:17:37.833
What's he talking about?

494
00:17:37.959 --> 00:17:40.390
He's talking about I am pregnant.

495
00:17:40.391 --> 00:17:42.153
- Oh, come on!
- Pregnant?!

496
00:17:42.154 --> 00:17:43.203
You gotta be kidding me!

497
00:17:43.204 --> 00:17:45.430
Oh, gross. I didn't know
grandpa could still do it.

498
00:17:45.431 --> 00:17:46.868
Don't be disrespectful, Luke.

499
00:17:46.869 --> 00:17:48.637
Anyone could do it with Gloria.

500
00:17:48.638 --> 00:17:52.249
And if you're too set in your
old ways to be happy about it,

501
00:17:52.250 --> 00:17:53.623
I can raise it on my own.

502
00:17:53.624 --> 00:17:55.768
I have done it before,
and I can do it now!

503
00:17:55.769 --> 00:17:59.250
I come from a very long line
of strong Latin women

504
00:17:59.251 --> 00:18:01.770
whose husbands
are nowhere to be found!

505
00:18:03.008 --> 00:18:05.199
- Are you done?
- Yes!

506
00:18:05.295 --> 00:18:07.039
- Can I say something?
- Go on!

507
00:18:07.777 --> 00:18:10.497
That's the greatest news
I've ever heard.

508
00:18:11.118 --> 00:18:11.976
It is?

509
00:18:11.977 --> 00:18:15.311
I spent the day hearing what
my future had in store for me,

510
00:18:15.644 --> 00:18:17.252
and I didn't like one bit of it.

511
00:18:17.385 --> 00:18:19.177
It felt like my life was ending.

512
00:18:19.805 --> 00:18:22.413
And now you're telling me
that I get to have a new start...

513
00:18:23.651 --> 00:18:24.947
with the woman of my dreams.

514
00:18:27.091 --> 00:18:28.387
I think I'm gonna cry.

515
00:18:28.591 --> 00:18:29.881
I'm way ahead of you.

516
00:18:29.882 --> 00:18:30.737
Can you believe this?

517
00:18:30.738 --> 00:18:32.876
I know. They wouldn't
even let us get a cat.

518
00:18:33.364 --> 00:18:34.620
It's gonna be great!

519
00:18:34.650 --> 00:18:36.232
I'm gonna get so fat.

520
00:18:36.233 --> 00:18:37.521
Mostly great.

521
00:18:44.108 --> 00:18:46.202
Oh, gross.
They're at it again.

522
00:18:46.203 --> 00:18:48.054
If you don't like it, don't look.

523
00:18:49.154 --> 00:18:50.681
She looks great, doesn't she?

524
00:18:50.682 --> 00:18:51.865
Yeah.

525
00:18:52.081 --> 00:18:54.465
Not really gaining weight
the way I would've expected.

526
00:18:54.555 --> 00:18:57.212
I finally understand why people
say pregnant women glow.

527
00:18:57.563 --> 00:18:59.411
Phil, I have had three children.

528
00:18:59.693 --> 00:19:02.059
Hey, dad, Gloria, open our present.

529
00:19:02.060 --> 00:19:05.137
Ooh! I hope it's something fancy.

530
00:19:05.385 --> 00:19:08.200
It's for the baby. I love it!

531
00:19:08.201 --> 00:19:11.704
We got it in a shop
at Heathrow, duty free.

532
00:19:12.278 --> 00:19:13.705
Not for long.

533
00:19:14.018 --> 00:19:15.398
Isn't it absolutely brilliant?

534
00:19:15.399 --> 00:19:18.013
Okay, we were in London two weeks.
Lose the accent, Madonna.

535
00:19:18.014 --> 00:19:19.759
Why is your face all scratched up?

536
00:19:19.760 --> 00:19:21.037
Stupid Larry.

537
00:19:21.038 --> 00:19:22.537
This feels so weird.

538
00:19:22.538 --> 00:19:23.665
It suits you.

539
00:19:23.783 --> 00:19:25.766
Don't even joke about it.

540
00:19:26.396 --> 00:19:28.836
That's it. He is moving out
of the house tomorrow.

541
00:19:28.940 --> 00:19:29.999
Really?

542
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:31.513
Oh, and that beard is going.

543
00:19:31.633 --> 00:19:34.441
Fine, but it's gonna kill Shorty.

544
00:19:35.185 --> 00:19:37.317
Okay, everybody,
let's gather together.

545
00:19:37.318 --> 00:19:39.724
Manny's gonna read us
a little something

546
00:19:39.725 --> 00:19:41.937
that he prepare in his poetry camp.

547
00:19:41.938 --> 00:19:43.066
Thank you, mom.

548
00:19:43.189 --> 00:19:45.565
This is for my new
baby brother or sister.

549
00:19:46.861 --> 00:19:48.165
"Welcome, little one.

550
00:19:48.463 --> 00:19:50.554
Open your eyes and take your place.

551
00:19:50.795 --> 00:19:52.268
This is where you're meant to be,

552
00:19:52.332 --> 00:19:54.236
Nestled in the bosom
of your mother."

553
00:19:54.237 --> 00:19:55.259
Lucky baby.

554
00:19:55.260 --> 00:19:57.300
- What?
- Love you, baby.

555
00:19:58.045 --> 00:19:59.564
"This is where you're meant to be,

556
00:19:59.565 --> 00:20:01.149
in the arms of your father.

557
00:20:01.510 --> 00:20:04.302
His long, long journey
has readied him for this day,

558
00:20:04.797 --> 00:20:06.541
though his skin may be loose,

559
00:20:06.542 --> 00:20:07.974
his hair but a wisp,

560
00:20:08.001 --> 00:20:09.668
and his eyes milky with age,"

561
00:20:09.669 --> 00:20:10.875
All right, we're done here.

562
00:20:12.086 --> 00:20:13.086
Get a drink.

563
00:20:14.902 --> 00:20:17.486
Don't feel bad about
making move out, Mrs. D.

564
00:20:17.510 --> 00:20:18.806
I knew this day
would come eventually,

565
00:20:18.807 --> 00:20:20.198
and I'm totally covered.

566
00:20:20.199 --> 00:20:21.953
Great. So we'll see you around.

567
00:20:21.954 --> 00:20:23.777
I got a place with
an old friend of mine.

568
00:20:23.778 --> 00:20:27.026
Well, not so much
of a place as a storage pod.

569
00:20:27.292 --> 00:20:30.211
And not so much of a...
friend as a raccoon.

570
00:20:30.218 --> 00:20:31.746
Good to know you'll have company.

571
00:20:32.007 --> 00:20:34.708
I call him bubbles because
his mouth is all foamy.

572
00:20:34.709 --> 00:20:36.768
Dylan, I'm on to your little game.

573
00:20:36.769 --> 00:20:37.907
I know non of this is true.

574
00:20:37.908 --> 00:20:40.009
You just try to guilt me
into I letting you stay.

575
00:20:40.010 --> 00:20:42.210
You're right, I'm sorry.

576
00:20:42.275 --> 00:20:43.923
I'll just live in my car.

577
00:20:44.472 --> 00:20:45.696
Think I can borrow a coat hanger

578
00:20:45.697 --> 00:20:47.677
in case I get lock in there again.

579
00:20:47.678 --> 00:20:49.285
- God.
- What's going on?

580
00:20:50.411 --> 00:20:51.647
No, no no.
All of it.

581
00:20:51.648 --> 00:20:55.055
Sure you don't wanna dance
with the devil before I get rid of it.

582
00:20:55.056 --> 00:20:55.897
Go.

583
00:20:56.147 --> 00:20:57.339
Fine.

584
00:20:57.539 --> 00:21:00.039
Synced by YYeTs, corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

585
00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:04.065
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