1 00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,639 Haley, hurry up. You're gonna be late. 2 00:00:03,839 --> 00:00:05,039 Alex, what are you doing? 3 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:07,339 I need to document Haley's first day on the chain gang. 4 00:00:07,439 --> 00:00:09,939 It's not a chain gang. It's community service. 5 00:00:10,139 --> 00:00:12,539 And leave her alone. She feels bad enough as it is. 6 00:00:12,575 --> 00:00:14,427 Okay, I'm torn. On one hand, I'm like, 7 00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:15,821 "ugh, I have to pick up garbage all day." 8 00:00:15,822 --> 00:00:17,408 And on the other hand, I'm like, 9 00:00:17,409 --> 00:00:19,361 "look at me in orange." 10 00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:23,265 Aw, that's cute. Send that to me. 11 00:00:23,266 --> 00:00:26,150 Haley had a little run-in with the law in college. 12 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,916 She was arrested for assaulting a police officer. 13 00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:31,028 Accidentally. I fell on him. 14 00:00:31,029 --> 00:00:32,831 While evading arrest for underage drinking. 15 00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:34,081 That was on purpose. 16 00:00:34,082 --> 00:00:35,444 They were very lenient with her. 17 00:00:35,445 --> 00:00:36,919 She only has to do community service. 18 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,302 Because I do not have any priors. 19 00:00:39,303 --> 00:00:41,559 Taking a little too much pride in that, sweetheart. 20 00:00:42,345 --> 00:00:44,212 Things can get pretty rough out there. 21 00:00:44,213 --> 00:00:46,277 I couldn't get my hands on any cigarettes. 22 00:00:46,278 --> 00:00:48,802 But I did make you a shiv out of an old knife. 23 00:00:48,803 --> 00:00:50,414 You don't make a shiv out of a knife. 24 00:00:50,415 --> 00:00:52,318 Yeah, you make a shiv out of a rusty spoon 25 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:53,525 or a shard of glass. 26 00:00:53,526 --> 00:00:54,630 Or a human femur. 27 00:00:54,631 --> 00:00:56,479 Exactly. Be creative. 28 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:57,705 It's really sweet of you, Luke, 29 00:00:57,706 --> 00:00:59,421 but there's just gonna be a bunch of drunk drivers 30 00:00:59,422 --> 00:01:01,889 and vandalizers who were stupid enough to get caught. 31 00:01:01,890 --> 00:01:04,497 Or stupid enough to use the word "vandalizers." 32 00:01:06,627 --> 00:01:07,794 It's vandals. 33 00:01:09,384 --> 00:01:10,784 I'm so alone. 34 00:01:12,221 --> 00:01:14,165 They're gonna eat you alive, suburbia. 35 00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:28,844 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 36 00:01:29,846 --> 00:01:31,219 Mitchell, we're back. 37 00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:32,795 You are not going to believe this. 38 00:01:32,796 --> 00:01:34,289 Cam, do you remember why I didn't want you 39 00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:36,005 to swap out the handles on Lily's dresser? 40 00:01:36,006 --> 00:01:38,107 Because you lack a designer's eye and fear change? 41 00:01:38,108 --> 00:01:40,378 No. Because I was afraid two weeks would go by, 42 00:01:40,379 --> 00:01:41,613 and we'd still be using a spatula 43 00:01:41,614 --> 00:01:43,326 to get at Lily's clothes. 44 00:01:43,425 --> 00:01:45,530 Okay, well, we have bigger issues. 45 00:01:45,531 --> 00:01:47,975 Guess what they are cutting down at the park today? 46 00:01:47,976 --> 00:01:49,688 - A tree? - Yes. How did you know that? 47 00:01:49,689 --> 00:01:50,725 I played a hunch. 48 00:01:50,726 --> 00:01:53,277 Not just any tree, Tree-ona Elmsly. 49 00:01:53,278 --> 00:01:56,440 Oh, no. That's terrible. That's our picnic tree. 50 00:01:56,441 --> 00:01:58,300 It's a nightmare. 51 00:01:58,301 --> 00:02:00,737 Well, someone's picked up her daddy's gift for hyperbole. 52 00:02:00,738 --> 00:02:02,640 They are literally chainsawing paradise 53 00:02:02,641 --> 00:02:04,843 - to put up a parking lot. - Oh, it's too bad. 54 00:02:04,844 --> 00:02:05,767 We have to do something. 55 00:02:05,768 --> 00:02:07,189 Well, if we knew earlier, we could. 56 00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:09,308 I blame myself. I've taken on too much. 57 00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:11,869 What exactly have you taken on? 58 00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,815 Are you kidding me? Teaching music? 59 00:02:13,816 --> 00:02:16,486 This dresser handle project? My role in the musical? 60 00:02:16,487 --> 00:02:17,820 Oh, that. 61 00:02:17,821 --> 00:02:19,129 You know what? I don't like your tone. 62 00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:20,937 The understudy's the most challenging role 63 00:02:20,938 --> 00:02:22,250 in any production. 64 00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,781 You have to be ready at a moment's notice 65 00:02:23,782 --> 00:02:25,731 to go on and face a disappointed audience 66 00:02:25,732 --> 00:02:27,790 who was there to see Kenny van Heffington. 67 00:02:27,791 --> 00:02:28,918 Our insurance guy? 68 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:30,020 He's breathtaking. 69 00:02:30,021 --> 00:02:31,693 - Really? - Yeah, I hate him. 70 00:02:32,082 --> 00:02:33,465 Anyway, what was I talking about? 71 00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:35,425 Putting new handles on the dresser. 72 00:02:35,661 --> 00:02:37,926 Right. The tree. I have to do something. 73 00:02:39,938 --> 00:02:42,115 I can't live like this. 74 00:02:46,608 --> 00:02:48,272 Manny, while we're young! 75 00:02:48,348 --> 00:02:49,633 He doesn't want to go. 76 00:02:49,634 --> 00:02:51,759 That's why he's taking so long with the primping. 77 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,099 A boy his age should do exactly zero primping. 78 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,025 You ready? 79 00:02:56,026 --> 00:02:56,978 Not in the least. 80 00:02:56,979 --> 00:02:58,303 That's the spirit. 81 00:02:58,488 --> 00:03:00,103 This kid in my class, Doug Brooks, 82 00:03:00,104 --> 00:03:02,656 has a sports-themed birthday party every year. 83 00:03:02,812 --> 00:03:05,772 All boys. All sports. All day. 84 00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:07,771 He calls it the Doug-lympics, 85 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,467 which might make sense if he did it every four years, 86 00:03:10,602 --> 00:03:12,234 or if his name was Al. 87 00:03:12,463 --> 00:03:14,432 Let's just say nothing about it works. 88 00:03:15,003 --> 00:03:17,081 Manny, it's a beautiful day outside. 89 00:03:17,082 --> 00:03:19,046 Go on. Enjoy your dougy-lympics. 90 00:03:19,047 --> 00:03:21,752 You don't have to win a medal. Just have fun. 91 00:03:21,753 --> 00:03:24,071 Doug finishes with the most medals no matter what. 92 00:03:24,302 --> 00:03:25,703 Plus I think he only invites me 93 00:03:25,704 --> 00:03:28,051 because he likes to match skin color to nation. 94 00:03:28,052 --> 00:03:29,833 I know that's why Alan Yan gets invited. 95 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,842 Okay, we get it. Sports isn't your thing. 96 00:03:31,846 --> 00:03:34,950 But you gotta step out of your comfort zone sometime. 97 00:03:35,286 --> 00:03:37,764 And for God sake, change out of those wingtips. 98 00:03:37,765 --> 00:03:40,295 You're a kid. You're not Nixon on the beach. 99 00:03:40,296 --> 00:03:42,320 Fine. I'll put on my sporty shoes. 100 00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:43,191 Where are they? 101 00:03:43,192 --> 00:03:44,367 They're still in the box. 102 00:03:44,368 --> 00:03:45,955 And don't forget to take out the paper 103 00:03:45,956 --> 00:03:47,646 before you put them on, okay? 104 00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:49,694 And they're called sneakers. 105 00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:54,630 Hello, hello! 106 00:03:54,792 --> 00:03:56,816 Hey, Gloria. So, ready to go? 107 00:03:57,186 --> 00:03:59,290 - Where? - Thought we were doing a Costco run. 108 00:04:00,131 --> 00:04:01,991 Oh, I see what this is. 109 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:05,177 You called Claire to babysit the stupid pregnant lady! 110 00:04:05,418 --> 00:04:06,922 You're the one who called her. 111 00:04:07,106 --> 00:04:08,083 I did? 112 00:04:08,257 --> 00:04:09,569 I called Claire. 113 00:04:09,697 --> 00:04:11,257 Gloria needs watching. 114 00:04:11,327 --> 00:04:13,783 She's got a serious case of pregnancy brain. 115 00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:16,803 Last week, I found a bar of soap in the fridge 116 00:04:16,848 --> 00:04:18,665 and a stick of butter in the shower. 117 00:04:18,669 --> 00:04:21,877 I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn. 118 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,899 Better than the toast I ate. 119 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,110 Yet you ate the second piece. 120 00:04:26,898 --> 00:04:29,817 Jay! Bye-bye! We're leaving! 121 00:04:29,818 --> 00:04:31,562 Seriously? I'm right here. 122 00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:40,571 Duck! Duck! Come on and hit him, you little freak! 123 00:04:41,616 --> 00:04:43,646 Talk about a big left hook. 124 00:04:43,647 --> 00:04:44,879 God, I love you. 125 00:04:44,915 --> 00:04:45,797 Phil in the blank! 126 00:04:45,798 --> 00:04:47,025 Bill of rights! 127 00:04:47,026 --> 00:04:48,442 Jerry-atric! 128 00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,719 Alan's dad! 129 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,549 Hey, guys. Luke, you getting in there? 130 00:04:52,550 --> 00:04:53,511 Of course. 131 00:04:53,629 --> 00:04:56,477 Look, I'm Mexico. Again. 132 00:04:57,001 --> 00:04:59,015 Does anybody care that I'm not from Mexico? 133 00:04:59,016 --> 00:05:00,000 You keep saying that, 134 00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:01,744 but we've never seen a birth certificate. 135 00:05:01,745 --> 00:05:03,387 All right, look, I'll pick you up at 5:00. 136 00:05:03,388 --> 00:05:04,364 Knock yourself out. 137 00:05:04,365 --> 00:05:06,845 Or better still, knock someone else out. 138 00:05:06,994 --> 00:05:07,754 Jay, where you headed? 139 00:05:07,755 --> 00:05:09,574 Why don't you stick around and grab a beer with the dads? 140 00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:10,835 Oh, I don't really know those guys. 141 00:05:10,836 --> 00:05:12,729 I think I'll just swing by the club, hit a few balls. 142 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,817 Well, come here. Let me introduce you around. 143 00:05:14,818 --> 00:05:15,816 Hey, guys, 144 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,392 this is Jay, my father-in-law. Manny's stepdad. 145 00:05:18,393 --> 00:05:19,670 Hey, what's up, Jay-lo? 146 00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:21,302 Okay, guys, I'll see you later. 147 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:22,721 What's the matter, Jay? 148 00:05:22,761 --> 00:05:24,567 Afraid to step outside your comfort zone? 149 00:05:24,568 --> 00:05:26,488 I will send you back to Mexico. 150 00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:29,873 I didn't really call you, did I? 151 00:05:29,999 --> 00:05:32,343 No, my dad did. But I thought you knew. 152 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,616 Ugh. I want to be so mad at him, 153 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,073 but he's right. 154 00:05:36,355 --> 00:05:37,879 I have two brains in my body, 155 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,380 but I've never been so dumb. 156 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,473 It happens. I get it. 157 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,463 You have another human being inside of you, 158 00:05:42,464 --> 00:05:44,057 competing for resources. 159 00:05:44,058 --> 00:05:45,643 Look, when I was pregnant with Alex, 160 00:05:45,644 --> 00:05:47,057 I could barely remember my name. 161 00:05:47,058 --> 00:05:48,729 Same with Haley and Luke? 162 00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:49,880 Mm, not so much. 163 00:05:49,881 --> 00:05:51,937 They kind of just hung out in there, let me do my thing. 164 00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:54,084 Thank you for understanding. 165 00:05:54,189 --> 00:05:55,893 I'm glad that you came. 166 00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:58,327 It will help me not to forget stuff. 167 00:05:58,328 --> 00:06:00,052 - I'm glad I can help out. - I-- Whoa, whoa! 168 00:06:00,053 --> 00:06:03,072 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Why didn't you stop first?! 169 00:06:04,717 --> 00:06:06,081 Where's daddy? 170 00:06:06,082 --> 00:06:07,032 I don't know, sweetie. 171 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,488 He said to meet him by Tree-ona. 172 00:06:08,489 --> 00:06:09,728 Mitchell! Lily! 173 00:06:09,729 --> 00:06:10,700 Where is he? 174 00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:12,157 Up here! Look up here! 175 00:06:12,516 --> 00:06:14,460 Cam, what are you doing up there? 176 00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,062 I came down to say goodbye to the tree, 177 00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:17,078 give it one final hug, 178 00:06:17,079 --> 00:06:19,218 and before I knew it, I was up here. 179 00:06:19,219 --> 00:06:21,224 When you say "one final hug"... 180 00:06:21,225 --> 00:06:23,601 If I'm occupying the tree, they can't cut it down. 181 00:06:23,607 --> 00:06:25,283 I googled it. It's a thing. 182 00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:27,389 Okay, Lily, see, this is a nightmare. 183 00:06:27,473 --> 00:06:29,121 Tell me about it. 184 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,666 You know what? You're a list-maker, 185 00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:32,787 a planner. 186 00:06:32,829 --> 00:06:35,389 I'm a doer and an action taker! 187 00:06:35,576 --> 00:06:37,820 Sean Penn would play me in a movie about this, 188 00:06:37,821 --> 00:06:40,648 or Anne Hathaway, if they wanted a female-driven vehicle. 189 00:06:40,649 --> 00:06:42,526 And who would play your long-suffering partner? 190 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,912 Julianne Moore, either way. 191 00:06:43,913 --> 00:06:45,703 - I would totally see that. I would. - I know. 192 00:06:45,704 --> 00:06:48,065 Hey! My supervisor wants to know 193 00:06:48,066 --> 00:06:49,864 if you have a history of mental illness. 194 00:06:49,865 --> 00:06:51,416 No, sir, I do not. 195 00:06:59,829 --> 00:07:01,348 All right, Cam, let's hear. What's the plan? 196 00:07:01,349 --> 00:07:03,733 I don't know. I'm sort of making it up as I go. 197 00:07:03,825 --> 00:07:05,294 Are you sure you wanna do this? 198 00:07:05,295 --> 00:07:08,191 Yes. I've never been more sure about anything in my life. 199 00:07:08,192 --> 00:07:11,660 We need to teach our daughter the value of taking a stand, 200 00:07:11,661 --> 00:07:13,629 no matter the sacrifice! 201 00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:16,201 Hello? 202 00:07:18,073 --> 00:07:20,409 Done. I'll be right there. 203 00:07:20,871 --> 00:07:22,603 Mitchell, you need to get up here. I have to go. 204 00:07:22,604 --> 00:07:23,312 Excuse me? 205 00:07:23,313 --> 00:07:24,779 That was my theater troupe. An actor's sick. 206 00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:25,991 I have to go and do the matinee. 207 00:07:25,992 --> 00:07:28,508 What happened to showing Lily the value of taking a stand? 208 00:07:28,509 --> 00:07:30,037 It's the lead. 209 00:07:30,069 --> 00:07:32,139 It's also important to show her the value 210 00:07:32,140 --> 00:07:33,813 of honoring one's commitments. 211 00:07:33,814 --> 00:07:36,394 And in this case, my commitment preceded my stand! 212 00:07:36,395 --> 00:07:37,933 This is so you, Cam. 213 00:07:37,934 --> 00:07:40,645 You start something, and then you expect me to finish it. 214 00:07:40,646 --> 00:07:41,677 So you're not coming up here? 215 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,453 No! No, I'm not. Come on. 216 00:07:44,232 --> 00:07:45,191 Mitchell? 217 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,808 Where were we the first day Lily rolled over? 218 00:07:47,954 --> 00:07:49,099 Under this tree. 219 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,779 Where is home base when we play hide-and-go-seek? 220 00:07:51,788 --> 00:07:52,797 Under this tree. 221 00:07:52,798 --> 00:07:53,951 And where did we take shelter 222 00:07:53,952 --> 00:07:56,016 during that dangerous lightning storm? 223 00:07:56,154 --> 00:07:58,123 Wasn't a good idea, but it was under this tree. 224 00:07:59,269 --> 00:08:02,020 Daddy, you've got to save the tree! 225 00:08:02,021 --> 00:08:03,949 Yeah, daddy, you have to save the tree! 226 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:04,465 Okay, okay. 227 00:08:04,466 --> 00:08:06,890 But you get back here the second you are done. 228 00:08:06,891 --> 00:08:09,192 Well, I can't very well turn away fans that come backstage. 229 00:08:09,193 --> 00:08:10,473 The second! 230 00:08:18,344 --> 00:08:22,177 Last summer, my sister took a totally humiliating photo of me. 231 00:08:25,042 --> 00:08:26,688 Haley, that's not funny! 232 00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:28,164 Then she posted it to Facebook 233 00:08:28,165 --> 00:08:29,823 and refused to take it down. 234 00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,290 It got 873 likes. 235 00:08:32,530 --> 00:08:35,635 Meanwhile, there's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. 236 00:08:36,401 --> 00:08:37,968 Even her mug shots were cute. 237 00:08:39,531 --> 00:08:42,315 Today, I get my revenge. 238 00:08:42,483 --> 00:08:44,377 One photo of Haley, dirty, sweaty, 239 00:08:44,378 --> 00:08:46,378 picking up trash like a criminal. 240 00:08:46,798 --> 00:08:48,326 It'll be my finest moment. 241 00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:50,813 In a few years, I hope to have some more friends 242 00:08:50,814 --> 00:08:52,438 and not have time for this kind of stuff. 243 00:08:56,611 --> 00:08:57,662 Okay. Hey. 244 00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,560 Where did you go? 245 00:08:58,561 --> 00:08:59,451 To get a sweatshirt. 246 00:08:59,452 --> 00:09:01,931 We've been standing in the frozen food aisle for half an hour. 247 00:09:01,962 --> 00:09:03,362 I need something frozen. 248 00:09:03,606 --> 00:09:05,238 Right. What? 249 00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:08,416 I don't know. I just wrote the word "frozen." 250 00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:10,002 Okay. Uh, let's think. 251 00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:12,325 Peas. Ice cream. Pizza. Waffles. 252 00:09:12,326 --> 00:09:13,341 Wait a minute. 253 00:09:13,931 --> 00:09:16,098 It says "dozen." I need the eggs! 254 00:09:16,099 --> 00:09:18,173 Ah, the eggs. Okay. 255 00:09:18,174 --> 00:09:19,709 Ay, no, on the other side. 256 00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:21,829 Oh, God. I-I'll get the carts. 257 00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:24,051 So that's... oh, sorry. 258 00:09:24,052 --> 00:09:26,827 That's... that's me. That's me. I got it. 259 00:09:29,396 --> 00:09:31,037 Come on, guys! You're killing us! 260 00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,686 Where the heck is Mexico? 261 00:09:32,885 --> 00:09:35,089 Good news, gentlemen! I found another rope. 262 00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:37,050 If we double-Dutch, everyone wins. 263 00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:40,004 Okay, hold still... 264 00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:41,966 And wait for it... 265 00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:44,232 This is what you'd look like fat and bald. 266 00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:47,927 On my phone, that app's called a camera. 267 00:09:48,011 --> 00:09:49,618 Bill, don't do that to yourself. 268 00:09:49,619 --> 00:09:52,374 Let me tell you something. Ellen is one lucky woman. 269 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:54,738 Why is that funny? 270 00:09:54,739 --> 00:09:56,348 Because she's married to Jerry. 271 00:09:58,184 --> 00:09:59,592 Jay, you got any good apps? 272 00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:01,672 I don't know. I got call waiting. Is that an app? 273 00:10:02,951 --> 00:10:04,320 You guys laugh a lot, huh? 274 00:10:04,406 --> 00:10:06,405 Jay's a little technologically challenged. 275 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,116 From a guy who can't drive a stick. 276 00:10:08,205 --> 00:10:09,112 - What? - You can't? 277 00:10:09,113 --> 00:10:11,260 Well... he called me to rescue him one time. 278 00:10:11,261 --> 00:10:13,876 He got stuck on a hill. He was afraid to let go of the clutch. 279 00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:15,720 Well... by the time I got there, 280 00:10:15,721 --> 00:10:17,402 traffic's backed up half a mile, 281 00:10:17,403 --> 00:10:19,708 everybody's yelling at him. He's in tears. 282 00:10:19,709 --> 00:10:21,534 Not tears. Maybe sweat. 283 00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:23,088 Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes. 284 00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,928 I had about ten pretty bad pictures of Haley. 285 00:10:31,929 --> 00:10:34,913 I could have quit right there, but I'm a perfectionist. 286 00:10:35,096 --> 00:10:36,135 I thought, 287 00:10:36,252 --> 00:10:39,012 "I could do better. She could look worse." 288 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:42,815 Oh, my God. 289 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:48,122 All right, pal. 290 00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:49,435 Come down from the tree. 291 00:10:49,436 --> 00:10:51,165 Sorry, can't do that. 292 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,201 Come down before we pull you down. 293 00:10:53,202 --> 00:10:55,234 W--hey. Ease up. 294 00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:56,089 What's the problem? 295 00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:57,678 Look, I don't want to be up here. 296 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:00,068 You know? But this is my daughter's favorite tree. 297 00:11:00,069 --> 00:11:01,441 And my partner-- he's all up in arms 298 00:11:01,442 --> 00:11:03,033 about them cutting it down, so... 299 00:11:03,034 --> 00:11:05,186 Well, if your partner's so worked up, why isn't he here? 300 00:11:05,187 --> 00:11:07,229 Oh, well, that's a very good question. 301 00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:09,353 It's because he starts things, and he doesn't finish them, 302 00:11:09,354 --> 00:11:10,486 so then I have to. 303 00:11:10,487 --> 00:11:11,792 Just like my wife. 304 00:11:11,793 --> 00:11:14,586 You know, my therapist would say we're "enabling" them. 305 00:11:14,704 --> 00:11:16,038 You and your therapist. 306 00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:18,462 Well, I wouldn't have to see him if you hadn't shot that guy. 307 00:11:18,496 --> 00:11:19,548 Aw, that again? 308 00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:21,648 Look, let's just spray him with the fire hose. 309 00:11:21,649 --> 00:11:22,838 You're not helping, Terry. 310 00:11:23,656 --> 00:11:25,671 It's not your fight. 311 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,065 So why don't you do us a favor, 312 00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:28,053 and come on down? 313 00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,623 Because he's right, all right? 314 00:11:29,733 --> 00:11:31,138 That's the frustrating part. 315 00:11:31,139 --> 00:11:33,699 I-I've been sitting up here these past few hours, 316 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,721 and... this tree is beautiful, okay? 317 00:11:36,722 --> 00:11:40,543 And I-I can hear the squirrels dancing through the branches, 318 00:11:40,544 --> 00:11:42,007 you know, chasing each other, 319 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,554 no idea what's about to happen. 320 00:11:43,555 --> 00:11:45,154 You know, this isn't just a tree. 321 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,041 This is a home. 322 00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:49,551 Yeah, to, like, a hundred rats. 323 00:11:49,552 --> 00:11:50,968 They're all over this thing. 324 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,270 Well, that changes nothing. 325 00:11:52,271 --> 00:11:54,559 I will wait you guys out all night if I have to. 326 00:11:54,808 --> 00:11:56,920 Cam, you got 20 minutes, and I'm out of this tree. 327 00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,152 Terry, you wanna get ready with that hose? 328 00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:02,928 So Alex comes home from school the other day, 329 00:12:02,929 --> 00:12:04,952 and she said the teacher didn't know what she was talking about, 330 00:12:04,953 --> 00:12:07,731 when in reality, I don't think that-- Whoa, whoa, whoa! 331 00:12:07,732 --> 00:12:09,897 Hey! You almost just cut my head off. 332 00:12:09,898 --> 00:12:10,890 You gotta focus. 333 00:12:10,891 --> 00:12:14,107 I am sorry. After all that, I forgot the eggs! 334 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,869 - Excuse me. - Yeah, hang on one second. 335 00:12:15,870 --> 00:12:18,251 Listen, this is not just your pregnancy. 336 00:12:18,252 --> 00:12:19,723 You are purposely turning your brain off. 337 00:12:19,724 --> 00:12:21,699 You have to at least try to pay attention. 338 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,555 - Ma'am? - Yeah. 339 00:12:22,556 --> 00:12:24,000 Do you have a receipt for that sweatshirt? 340 00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:25,327 Oh, shoot. 341 00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:26,776 I'm gonna need you to come back into the store. 342 00:12:26,777 --> 00:12:28,571 Oh, no. No, it's-- I forgot I was wearing it. 343 00:12:28,572 --> 00:12:29,237 It's no big deal. Here. 344 00:12:29,238 --> 00:12:30,990 Ma'am. The store. 345 00:12:31,075 --> 00:12:32,339 Are you kidding me? 346 00:12:32,423 --> 00:12:34,004 I didn't try to steal a sweatshirt! 347 00:12:34,005 --> 00:12:35,341 Sir, I'm a mom. 348 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:36,730 - Uh-huh. - Gloria, help me out. 349 00:12:36,731 --> 00:12:38,316 Listen, Mr. Policeman, 350 00:12:38,317 --> 00:12:39,840 if we wanted to steal it, 351 00:12:39,841 --> 00:12:41,737 you wouldn't even know that it was gone! 352 00:12:41,752 --> 00:12:43,281 Yeah, okay. That's not helping. 353 00:12:59,736 --> 00:13:01,688 Oh, my God! A gold bracelet! 354 00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:03,408 Hey, can we keep what we find? 355 00:13:04,977 --> 00:13:06,026 Unbelievable. 356 00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,191 Really? 357 00:13:18,376 --> 00:13:21,233 Gentlemen, you wanna know about the real ultimate frisbee? 358 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,597 Walk with one balanced on your head for 50 meters. 359 00:13:23,598 --> 00:13:26,338 It is a measure of poise, balance, and posture. 360 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,926 Let's just whip the frisbees at each other as hard as we can 361 00:13:28,927 --> 00:13:30,235 and see who quits first. 362 00:13:30,236 --> 00:13:31,628 Frisbee smash. 363 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,568 Awesome! Let's go! 364 00:13:33,721 --> 00:13:35,293 Oh, my God, I'm Sisyphus. Yes! 365 00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:37,053 A big one! Ha ha! Uhh! 366 00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:40,866 So he's out in our yard and he's got a boombox... 367 00:13:41,226 --> 00:13:43,006 What's the name of that movie with the boombox? 368 00:13:43,007 --> 00:13:45,094 - Oh, "Say anything." - With John Mahoney. 369 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,358 So anyway, he's out there, 370 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,454 - and he's begging Claire for forgiveness. - I... 371 00:13:48,455 --> 00:13:51,337 She's still mad at him. She won't have any of it. 372 00:13:51,408 --> 00:13:53,502 So he turns it up full-blast, 373 00:13:53,638 --> 00:13:55,614 and it's Olivia Newton-John. 374 00:13:56,687 --> 00:13:59,904 And he starts singing, "Let's get Phil-sical"! 375 00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:02,459 It was an inside joke. 376 00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:04,035 Well, not anymore! 377 00:14:04,484 --> 00:14:06,135 Okay, enough with the funny Phil stories. 378 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:07,626 No, but I haven't even gotten to the best part yet. 379 00:14:07,627 --> 00:14:10,387 So he's doing his little dance, and I can't take it anymore, 380 00:14:10,388 --> 00:14:12,604 so I nail him with the sprinklers! 381 00:14:13,222 --> 00:14:15,335 Yep, and you also shorted out my boombox, 382 00:14:15,336 --> 00:14:17,192 which you said you'd replace and you never did. 383 00:14:17,193 --> 00:14:18,222 I never said that! 384 00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:20,844 Yes, you did. You still owe me one boom box, 12 "D" batteries, 385 00:14:20,849 --> 00:14:22,577 and an Olivia Newton-John cassingle. 386 00:14:23,369 --> 00:14:24,853 Okay, uh... 387 00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,273 Why don't we settle it in the ring? 388 00:14:27,470 --> 00:14:28,695 We get in there, 389 00:14:28,796 --> 00:14:31,699 and if you beat me, I'll buy you any boombox you want. 390 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,045 If I beat you, 391 00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:34,685 then you've gotta do your little dance for everyone. 392 00:14:34,686 --> 00:14:36,367 Yeah! 393 00:14:37,195 --> 00:14:38,155 I'm in. 394 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:39,971 Let's get Phil-sical. 395 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,606 I wasn't worried. I'd boxed in the Navy. 396 00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:45,578 And it was Phil. 397 00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:47,623 And here's something I thought I'd never say-- 398 00:14:48,077 --> 00:14:49,934 I'd rather box my daughter's husband 399 00:14:50,484 --> 00:14:51,572 than my son's. 400 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,495 I may have been holding on to a tiny bit of anger towards Jay. 401 00:15:07,292 --> 00:15:10,399 I scooped ice cream all summer for that boombox! 402 00:15:17,562 --> 00:15:19,845 Excuse me. Pardon me. We're here! 403 00:15:19,846 --> 00:15:21,459 We came as fast as we could! 404 00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:22,649 You couldn't change? 405 00:15:22,650 --> 00:15:24,753 You said come right away! 406 00:15:24,939 --> 00:15:26,779 Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen! 407 00:15:26,917 --> 00:15:28,901 Oakwood rep's production of "Cats"! 408 00:15:29,107 --> 00:15:30,384 Make sure you catch it this week. 409 00:15:30,385 --> 00:15:33,730 Word on the street is the understudy steals the show! 410 00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:36,288 Mitchell, I get two more shows! 411 00:15:36,289 --> 00:15:38,625 Kenny van Heffington's toenail is infected! 412 00:15:38,626 --> 00:15:39,867 Just get up here, all right? 413 00:15:39,868 --> 00:15:42,676 The crew has to leave at dark, so you have until then. 414 00:15:43,537 --> 00:15:44,763 Easy peasy. 415 00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:47,084 Sweetie, tell daddy what you thought of my performance. 416 00:15:47,085 --> 00:15:48,584 Transcendent. 417 00:15:48,585 --> 00:15:49,792 Oh, jeez. 418 00:15:50,173 --> 00:15:51,421 Is this sap? 419 00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:56,373 Why would I buy hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise 420 00:15:56,374 --> 00:15:58,117 and then steal a $20 sweatshirt? 421 00:15:58,118 --> 00:16:01,213 I don't know. Maybe you do it for the thrill. 422 00:16:01,768 --> 00:16:02,876 I know your type. 423 00:16:02,877 --> 00:16:05,219 You're a bored housewife, drives a minivan, 424 00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:07,274 husband spends a little too much time online. 425 00:16:07,275 --> 00:16:09,911 Got a couple of kids, a college degree you don't use. 426 00:16:09,912 --> 00:16:11,368 You could not be more wrong. 427 00:16:11,369 --> 00:16:13,056 Yes. She has three kids. 428 00:16:13,057 --> 00:16:14,012 Okay, no. No, no. 429 00:16:14,013 --> 00:16:15,902 No, no. No, that's not helping. 430 00:16:16,332 --> 00:16:18,950 Look, as I said before, it was an accident. 431 00:16:18,951 --> 00:16:21,008 Heard it a thousand times. 432 00:16:21,079 --> 00:16:23,647 Grandmothers, businessmen, honor students-- 433 00:16:23,648 --> 00:16:25,093 they all say the same thing-- 434 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,313 "it was an accident. 435 00:16:26,314 --> 00:16:28,427 I don't know how that clock radio got in my pants." 436 00:16:28,428 --> 00:16:31,495 Oh, for God sake! I don't feel well. Let us go. 437 00:16:31,496 --> 00:16:32,481 Yeah, right. 438 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,071 Is that even a baby? 439 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,539 'Cause from here, it looks like a turkey. 440 00:16:38,075 --> 00:16:40,452 I need you to sign this, admitting your guilt, 441 00:16:40,453 --> 00:16:41,973 and promising you'll never return to this store. 442 00:16:41,974 --> 00:16:43,301 I'm not signing that. 443 00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:44,260 Okay, great. 444 00:16:44,261 --> 00:16:46,163 - Then I'm gonna call the police and I'll be forced to-- - Aaah! 445 00:16:47,805 --> 00:16:48,877 What was that? 446 00:16:48,878 --> 00:16:50,598 My water broke! 447 00:16:50,914 --> 00:16:52,506 I'm having the baby! 448 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,841 Hey. 449 00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:00,412 Sorry about that. I went a little nuts there. 450 00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:02,211 I don't know what happened. 451 00:17:03,183 --> 00:17:04,264 I do. 452 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,730 I was ragging on you in front of your friends. 453 00:17:06,731 --> 00:17:08,506 - Oh, yeah. - Sorry about that. 454 00:17:09,502 --> 00:17:11,174 I couldn't think of anything else to say. 455 00:17:11,925 --> 00:17:12,765 Why not? 456 00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:15,430 I got 20, 25 years on those guys. We got nothing in common. 457 00:17:15,588 --> 00:17:16,885 It's only gonna get worse. 458 00:17:17,405 --> 00:17:19,620 I mean, what's it gonna be like with the new kid in ten years? 459 00:17:19,824 --> 00:17:21,712 Oh, my goodness. 460 00:17:22,451 --> 00:17:24,228 You're insecure and vulnerable. 461 00:17:24,229 --> 00:17:26,116 This is the cutest thing I've ever seen. 462 00:17:26,172 --> 00:17:27,179 Shut up. 463 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,451 Who's a shy bunny? 464 00:17:28,452 --> 00:17:30,402 You wanna go one more round, without the gloves? 465 00:17:30,403 --> 00:17:32,466 I'm just playing around, Jay. 466 00:17:32,738 --> 00:17:33,720 I don't care how old you are. 467 00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:35,305 I could sit and talk to you all day. 468 00:17:35,934 --> 00:17:37,036 Those guys really liked you, too. 469 00:17:37,037 --> 00:17:38,186 I don't care about that. 470 00:17:39,352 --> 00:17:40,289 Did they? 471 00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:42,721 - Even Jerry? - Yes. 472 00:17:43,432 --> 00:17:44,665 Well, maybe you're right. 473 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,864 I mean, Manny didn't want to come, and look at him. 474 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,442 Looks like he's having a great time. 475 00:17:48,529 --> 00:17:50,856 So then Luke's dad grabs the taser from me, 476 00:17:50,857 --> 00:17:54,126 - and he was like, "uhh! Uhh!" - No. No! 477 00:17:54,127 --> 00:17:55,614 That's not how it happened. 478 00:17:56,331 --> 00:17:57,395 Hey. 479 00:17:59,810 --> 00:18:00,711 Aah! Ay! Ay! It hurts! 480 00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:01,424 Hang in there! Hang in there! 481 00:18:01,425 --> 00:18:02,971 Get you to the hospital as soon as I can! 482 00:18:02,972 --> 00:18:03,889 - I just want to apologize... - Uh-huh. 483 00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:05,269 One more time on behalf of the store 484 00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:06,681 for any stress that I might have caused you. 485 00:18:06,682 --> 00:18:08,430 Here, you can keep the sweatshirt as a gift. 486 00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:10,199 And congratulations on this baby, 487 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,145 which is clearly not a turkey. That was-- 488 00:18:12,146 --> 00:18:14,502 - Go away now! - Yeah. 489 00:18:14,836 --> 00:18:17,828 - Ay! Ay! - Okay. Go on. Go on. Get in. Keep going. 490 00:18:18,203 --> 00:18:19,356 What hospital are we going to? 491 00:18:19,357 --> 00:18:22,161 - No! No hospital! - No hospital. Wow. 492 00:18:22,162 --> 00:18:23,556 Wow, you're one of those, huh? 493 00:18:23,557 --> 00:18:25,309 Okay, please don't have it in the pool, though. 494 00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:26,622 'Cause we swim in there. 495 00:18:26,727 --> 00:18:28,953 I'm not having the baby, Claire. 496 00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:30,434 I was just faking it. 497 00:18:31,352 --> 00:18:32,361 What? 498 00:18:32,598 --> 00:18:35,738 Not bad for someone with pregnancy brain, huh? 499 00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:37,826 Okay, that's good. That was very good. 500 00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,350 Good thinking, Gloria. 501 00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,181 I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit there 502 00:18:41,182 --> 00:18:42,087 and watch you suffer 503 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,178 just because you had turned your brain off. 504 00:18:44,179 --> 00:18:45,692 Okay, I deserved that. 505 00:18:46,664 --> 00:18:48,427 Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. 506 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,722 I just blew through a red light. Damn. 507 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,130 You think you can keep the pregnancy thing up 508 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,674 for a little while longer? 509 00:18:55,263 --> 00:18:57,343 Ay! I feel the head! 510 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:58,646 Feel it! Feel it! 511 00:18:58,647 --> 00:19:00,966 Save it! Save it for the cop! Aah! 512 00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:01,966 Save it. 513 00:19:05,365 --> 00:19:07,685 All right, guys, that's it. Pack it up! 514 00:19:08,585 --> 00:19:11,330 You win for today. See you on Monday. 515 00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:13,010 That's it? 516 00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,127 That's it. 517 00:19:14,175 --> 00:19:15,620 So I'll go to city hall on Monday 518 00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:16,536 and see what I can do, 519 00:19:16,537 --> 00:19:18,722 but... you did it, Cam! 520 00:19:18,723 --> 00:19:19,971 No, we did it. 521 00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:21,863 I had to run away, and you stepped in, 522 00:19:21,864 --> 00:19:24,907 and like an understudy, you gave a brilliant performance. 523 00:19:24,908 --> 00:19:26,938 Yeah, but you're the star. 524 00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:28,080 Oh, well... 525 00:19:28,455 --> 00:19:31,809 Can we stop doing this and go home? 526 00:19:31,810 --> 00:19:34,370 Yes, Lily, but I want you to remember this moment-- 527 00:19:34,493 --> 00:19:36,745 the day your daddies made you proud. 528 00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,902 Turn her away, Mitchell! Turn her away! 529 00:19:54,771 --> 00:19:56,819 Alex, what are you doing here? 530 00:19:57,466 --> 00:20:01,151 Learning a valuable lesson about karma 531 00:20:01,152 --> 00:20:02,478 and how wrong it is to take pleasure 532 00:20:02,479 --> 00:20:03,887 in people's embarrassment. 533 00:20:04,255 --> 00:20:06,922 Wow. I don't know what any of that means, 534 00:20:06,923 --> 00:20:08,845 but you look like hell. 535 00:20:09,228 --> 00:20:11,138 - Say "geek." - No! 536 00:20:11,679 --> 00:20:13,223 He's a vandalizer! 537 00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:19,450 593 likes, and counting. 538 00:20:24,902 --> 00:20:26,366 Who does he belong to? 539 00:20:26,941 --> 00:20:28,172 He's mine. 540 00:20:29,237 --> 00:20:32,095 It was a great ending to an amazing day. 541 00:20:32,096 --> 00:20:34,704 Look, I even... made the paper. 542 00:20:35,147 --> 00:20:37,827 "Bizarre protest saves park tree." 543 00:20:38,105 --> 00:20:39,385 Oh, look what it says. 544 00:20:39,434 --> 00:20:40,903 "This production of 'Cats' should be put to sleep." 545 00:20:40,904 --> 00:20:41,933 Don't read that. 546 00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:43,898 Don't... 547 00:20:55,897 --> 00:20:56,729 Oh, hey, Gloria. 548 00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:58,617 Listen, I called Jay about borrowing a drill 549 00:20:58,618 --> 00:20:59,429 for my dresser handles. 550 00:20:59,430 --> 00:21:01,016 I got it right here, Cam! 551 00:21:01,017 --> 00:21:02,660 Oh, jeez. What's with the getup? 552 00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:04,628 Ay, good. You see that, too? 553 00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:06,835 Stella, stop. 554 00:21:06,902 --> 00:21:08,846 Ay, shh, shh, shh. Sorry, Cam. 555 00:21:08,847 --> 00:21:10,982 Oh, no, don't be. I take it as a compliment. 556 00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:15,998 "Cats"-- Now and forever. 557 00:21:16,262 --> 00:21:17,859 Actually, just till next Thursday. 558 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,963 It's been described as "transcendent." 559 00:21:19,963 --> 00:21:30,163 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net