1 00:00:02,295 --> 00:00:05,151 Family fun meeting by the front door, stat! 2 00:00:06,222 --> 00:00:07,879 "Stat" means right now! 3 00:00:07,894 --> 00:00:09,407 Ugh. What is it? 4 00:00:09,408 --> 00:00:11,501 Ignore her. She's been in a bad mood all day. 5 00:00:11,502 --> 00:00:12,729 And Luke isn't home yet. 6 00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:13,899 I'm right here. 7 00:00:14,516 --> 00:00:15,575 Where were you? 8 00:00:15,576 --> 00:00:17,511 This house still holds its secrets. 9 00:00:17,512 --> 00:00:19,633 You're probably wondering why I called you all here. 10 00:00:19,634 --> 00:00:21,392 - Nope. - Well, stop your wondering... 11 00:00:21,393 --> 00:00:22,490 We're not wondering. 12 00:00:22,491 --> 00:00:24,777 And behold.... this wonder! 13 00:00:24,778 --> 00:00:26,419 - Oh, my God! - Wow. 14 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,384 I sold a home to the one and only Pete Johnson. 15 00:00:30,385 --> 00:00:31,744 There's only one Pete Johnson? 16 00:00:31,745 --> 00:00:34,831 Only one who's California's top R.V. dealer. 17 00:00:34,832 --> 00:00:37,864 There's 835 others. Nightmare of a deal to paper. 18 00:00:37,986 --> 00:00:39,602 Well, and this was his way of saying... 19 00:00:39,603 --> 00:00:41,100 - Thank you. - Of course. 20 00:00:41,101 --> 00:00:42,105 He paid a commission, too, right? 21 00:00:42,106 --> 00:00:45,186 Yes. And he told me I could take Jolene out anytime. 22 00:00:45,502 --> 00:00:46,756 Yeah, I named her! 23 00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:49,464 Let's take this dirty girl for a spin up the coast! 24 00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:51,890 - Yes! - Awesome! - Pretty sweet, huh? 25 00:00:51,891 --> 00:00:53,251 - Yeah! - Huh. 26 00:00:54,038 --> 00:00:55,554 I can see where this is going. 27 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,387 This summer-- you, me, the kids, 28 00:00:58,388 --> 00:01:00,490 - Yellowstone National Park. - Mm. 29 00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:03,413 And that's just the Verona, he offered me an Amalfi. 30 00:01:03,549 --> 00:01:04,856 An Amalfi, Claire! 31 00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:07,133 That makes the Umbria look like a Portofino! 32 00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,905 Well, they should've called it the Roman, 33 00:01:08,906 --> 00:01:10,922 'cause that's what we're about to be doin'. 34 00:01:11,156 --> 00:01:12,591 I'm really not following you. 35 00:01:13,555 --> 00:01:15,297 Ten days on the road with those kids? 36 00:01:15,298 --> 00:01:16,846 Winnebag-no. 37 00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:18,473 I hate it when Phil does this. 38 00:01:18,474 --> 00:01:19,585 Now I have to be the bad guy 39 00:01:19,586 --> 00:01:22,257 who comes in and squelches his brilliant idea. 40 00:01:22,258 --> 00:01:24,903 I said no. Get it out of my house. 41 00:01:24,904 --> 00:01:25,961 Fine. 42 00:01:26,436 --> 00:01:27,479 Come on, Jolene. 43 00:01:29,451 --> 00:01:30,946 Fortunately, this time, 44 00:01:30,947 --> 00:01:32,406 I don't have to be the wet blanket, 45 00:01:32,407 --> 00:01:34,918 because even on just a short spin up the coast, 46 00:01:34,919 --> 00:01:37,480 Phil will see what I see every day-- 47 00:01:37,794 --> 00:01:39,482 the transformation that happens 48 00:01:39,483 --> 00:01:42,084 when our kids are locked in a moving metal box... 49 00:01:42,085 --> 00:01:44,701 The kraken that is unleashed. 50 00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,517 I love my kids very, very much. 51 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,740 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 52 00:01:59,983 --> 00:02:01,877 - You're poking me. - Yeah, well, I know, sweetie. 53 00:02:01,878 --> 00:02:03,381 But I don't get these pins just right, 54 00:02:03,382 --> 00:02:05,315 your bun could fall out during your routine, 55 00:02:05,316 --> 00:02:06,240 and it could mess you up. 56 00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:07,681 Okay, let's test it out. 57 00:02:08,185 --> 00:02:09,512 All right. 58 00:02:09,676 --> 00:02:10,731 Jump. 59 00:02:10,781 --> 00:02:12,054 Good. Spin. 60 00:02:12,668 --> 00:02:13,848 Now give me Beyonce. 61 00:02:15,689 --> 00:02:17,906 Okay, I've done everything I can do. It's up to you now. 62 00:02:17,907 --> 00:02:19,356 We have a gymnast in our family. 63 00:02:19,357 --> 00:02:21,100 Yeah, Lily goes to gymnastics class. 64 00:02:21,101 --> 00:02:22,105 In one short year, 65 00:02:22,106 --> 00:02:23,831 I've seen her blossom from a little girl 66 00:02:23,832 --> 00:02:25,061 who couldn't do a somersault... 67 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:27,293 Into one who... kind of can. 68 00:02:27,645 --> 00:02:29,643 Yeah, and by that standard, we also have a black belt, 69 00:02:29,644 --> 00:02:32,049 art prodigy, and prima ballerina in our family, so... 70 00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:33,156 You know, what we don't have in our family 71 00:02:33,157 --> 00:02:34,807 is two loving, supportive fathers. 72 00:02:34,808 --> 00:02:36,223 I'm just saying, she's 5, you know? 73 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,786 And you never let her forget it. 74 00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,351 - Excuse me, is that your little girl out there? - It is. 75 00:02:41,352 --> 00:02:43,104 - And you did her hair? - I did. 76 00:02:43,105 --> 00:02:45,971 Do you mind helping my Julie with hers? 77 00:02:45,972 --> 00:02:47,846 Oh. Oh, do you guys own a convertible? 78 00:02:47,847 --> 00:02:50,127 - No. - Oh, no judgment. 79 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,303 Yeah, I'll get to work right when Lily's done. 80 00:02:58,975 --> 00:03:01,393 Not bad. That little leap at the end-- that's new. 81 00:03:01,394 --> 00:03:03,522 Wow. She's getting really good. 82 00:03:03,598 --> 00:03:05,430 Mm. You better bring your "A" game. 83 00:03:05,438 --> 00:03:08,782 Oh, my God. Cam, look. Lily's in second place. 9.2. 84 00:03:08,783 --> 00:03:09,720 I told you she's a gymnast. 85 00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:11,395 With scores like that, she's gonna make pre-team. 86 00:03:11,396 --> 00:03:12,610 - Are you serious? - Mm-hmm. 87 00:03:12,611 --> 00:03:15,154 Pre-team? She could make pre-- What's pre-team? 88 00:03:16,672 --> 00:03:18,160 Claire! 89 00:03:18,161 --> 00:03:19,623 Phil! 90 00:03:19,624 --> 00:03:21,029 Haley! 91 00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:22,528 Luke! 92 00:03:22,529 --> 00:03:23,615 Alex! 93 00:03:23,616 --> 00:03:25,652 Gloria, we've been through the roster three times. 94 00:03:25,653 --> 00:03:26,944 They're not home. 95 00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,881 But their cars are here. Where could they be? 96 00:03:28,882 --> 00:03:30,355 Who knows what these people do? 97 00:03:30,356 --> 00:03:31,964 But my backpack is in there, Jay, 98 00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,530 - my poem for my poetry reading. - Calm down. 99 00:03:33,531 --> 00:03:35,151 Didn't you back it up on your computer? 100 00:03:35,152 --> 00:03:37,083 What kind of man writes poetry on a computer? 101 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,532 You could've ended that sentence after "poetry." 102 00:03:41,926 --> 00:03:44,358 Come in. And no questions. 103 00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:48,920 My backpack wasn't upstairs. 104 00:03:49,139 --> 00:03:49,783 What's that? 105 00:03:49,784 --> 00:03:52,004 Postcard from a friend of Claire's-- Rachel. 106 00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:54,615 "Living it up in Club Med Cozumel." 107 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,871 Looks like that marriage went down the drain. 108 00:03:56,872 --> 00:03:58,338 In other shocking news, 109 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,090 Phil subscribes to a trampoline magazine. 110 00:04:01,091 --> 00:04:02,548 Going through other people's mail-- 111 00:04:02,549 --> 00:04:03,920 keeping it classy, Jay. 112 00:04:04,471 --> 00:04:06,424 Mom, my backpack isn't in Luke's room. 113 00:04:06,425 --> 00:04:08,746 I don't see it in here, either. 114 00:04:09,007 --> 00:04:10,363 I don't think it would fit in there. 115 00:04:10,364 --> 00:04:12,228 Ay, this was open when I came in. 116 00:04:12,762 --> 00:04:14,482 I was just looking for an aspirin. 117 00:04:15,111 --> 00:04:17,112 I thought that I heard some noises. 118 00:04:17,113 --> 00:04:18,282 So you were snooping? 119 00:04:18,283 --> 00:04:19,946 Oh, so now it's snooping, 120 00:04:20,008 --> 00:04:21,333 wanting to know more about your family 121 00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:23,582 by looking through their personal things? 122 00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:26,281 Not just now. Since the invention of things. 123 00:04:26,282 --> 00:04:28,111 Is that one of Claire's brownies? 124 00:04:28,112 --> 00:04:29,935 No, they're delicious. Must be Cam's. 125 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,802 - Oh, no. - Don't worry. There's more. 126 00:04:31,803 --> 00:04:34,349 No! That's where my backpack is. 127 00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,327 Cam drove me and Luke home. 128 00:04:36,546 --> 00:04:37,868 I must've left it in his car. 129 00:04:37,869 --> 00:04:39,196 Why are you so scattered lately? 130 00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:42,845 Aw, he's just nervous because of his poetry reading tonight. 131 00:04:43,211 --> 00:04:44,767 But don't worry, papi. 132 00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:47,128 I am going to be there to support you. 133 00:04:47,791 --> 00:04:49,376 I don't want my mom there. 134 00:04:49,735 --> 00:04:52,984 I'm exploring some darker themes I'm not sure she's ready for, 135 00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:55,865 poems like "The umbilical noose," 136 00:04:55,979 --> 00:04:57,625 "A jail called mom," 137 00:04:57,636 --> 00:04:58,875 "Smother nature." 138 00:04:59,513 --> 00:05:01,592 She'll just find some way to make it all about her. 139 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,230 And a toasty 75 degrees 140 00:05:06,231 --> 00:05:07,930 for daughter Haley. 141 00:05:08,627 --> 00:05:12,679 You see, the Verona boasts individualized climate zones, Claire. 142 00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:16,071 I could literally transport a polar bear and an orchid 143 00:05:16,072 --> 00:05:17,921 and not make two trips. 144 00:05:18,672 --> 00:05:21,489 Dad, I'm freezing. It's, like,1 degree back here. 145 00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:25,761 Six minutes in, and it begins. 146 00:05:25,869 --> 00:05:27,853 Here. Take the blanket from the bed. 147 00:05:28,099 --> 00:05:29,212 Thanks, kitten. 148 00:05:29,808 --> 00:05:31,160 Dad, can you change the music? 149 00:05:31,161 --> 00:05:32,305 Can I? 150 00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:34,869 Oh, no. Oh, no, that's just getting louder. 151 00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:37,335 This isn't good. It's not good at all. 152 00:05:37,578 --> 00:05:39,076 Actually, it's kind of perfect. 153 00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:40,018 Right? 154 00:05:40,019 --> 00:05:42,260 The big windows, the classical music. 155 00:05:42,261 --> 00:05:43,657 It's like we're in a movie. 156 00:05:44,225 --> 00:05:45,542 Turn it up, handsome. 157 00:05:45,609 --> 00:05:46,817 You got it! 158 00:05:50,114 --> 00:05:53,314 Obviously, the novelty of the situation was delaying the inevitable. 159 00:05:53,384 --> 00:05:55,812 But I didn't want to get halfway into a trip to Yellowstone 160 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,047 before Phil discovered 161 00:05:57,048 --> 00:05:59,265 what malevolent hellspawn we have for children... 162 00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:01,515 Whom I love very much. 163 00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:05,558 Alex, honey, that's a cute sweater. 164 00:06:05,559 --> 00:06:06,702 Doesn't Haley have one like that? 165 00:06:06,703 --> 00:06:07,879 Oh, it actually is hers. 166 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,854 - I took it from her closet before we left. - Really? 167 00:06:09,899 --> 00:06:12,509 Ooh. Sorry, girls. Didn't mean to start a whole thing. 168 00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:16,896 I am so sick of you always looking better in my clothes. 169 00:06:16,897 --> 00:06:19,652 - When did that happen? - You're okay with this? 170 00:06:19,653 --> 00:06:21,305 Oh, yeah. She can wear whatever she wants 171 00:06:21,306 --> 00:06:22,939 after I've had it for six months. 172 00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:24,546 - Oh. - Or I get it automatically 173 00:06:24,547 --> 00:06:26,091 if you buy anything that looks like it. 174 00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:28,643 This just feels right. Huh, team? 175 00:06:28,878 --> 00:06:30,008 Matter of fact, 176 00:06:30,009 --> 00:06:33,097 I was thinking we could all drive up to Yellowstone this summer. 177 00:06:33,112 --> 00:06:34,424 But I say, 178 00:06:34,573 --> 00:06:37,641 let's take this beeyotch ocean to ocean! 179 00:06:37,642 --> 00:06:39,212 - That'd be cool! - Awesome! 180 00:06:39,213 --> 00:06:40,533 We're doing it! 181 00:06:41,087 --> 00:06:42,142 Phil, the road! 182 00:06:46,417 --> 00:06:48,352 I don't know what button I just pressed, 183 00:06:48,823 --> 00:06:50,271 but that was amazing. 184 00:06:58,027 --> 00:06:59,838 My backpack's definitely not in there. 185 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,624 Well, they're not picking up their phone. 186 00:07:01,694 --> 00:07:03,477 He must've brought it inside. 187 00:07:03,747 --> 00:07:05,473 Sorry, kid, looks like you're out of luck. 188 00:07:05,865 --> 00:07:06,978 Come! 189 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,671 Don't they have a burglar alarm? 190 00:07:08,672 --> 00:07:09,855 Ay, please. 191 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,020 Okay, everybody, split up and search. 192 00:07:13,021 --> 00:07:14,085 Jay, you look in the bedroom. 193 00:07:14,086 --> 00:07:15,546 I'm not looking in their bedroom. 194 00:07:15,547 --> 00:07:18,608 Fine. Mom, I don't think my backpack is in Cam's bag. 195 00:07:18,609 --> 00:07:20,195 I was just closing it for him. 196 00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:21,953 I... heard a noise. 197 00:07:21,954 --> 00:07:23,835 Looks like the guys threw a little party. 198 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,467 I noticed. They brought out the guest soaps. 199 00:07:26,468 --> 00:07:27,686 How long have you been in here? 200 00:07:28,558 --> 00:07:31,141 Hey. This is that bottle of wine 201 00:07:31,142 --> 00:07:33,066 I bought Phil when he started his company. 202 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:36,235 And Claire's lipstick is on many of these wineglasses. 203 00:07:36,236 --> 00:07:38,179 Pictionary. They had game night? 204 00:07:38,614 --> 00:07:40,528 But we always go to game night. 205 00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:42,433 Son of a bitch. They snubbed us. 206 00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:44,514 Found it! 207 00:07:44,688 --> 00:07:46,968 There must've been a dozen players. 208 00:07:47,616 --> 00:07:49,119 Pepper was here. 209 00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,416 But Pepper loves me. 210 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,294 Okay, she's all set. 211 00:07:53,295 --> 00:07:55,642 I defy you to find a tighter bun in this gymnasium. 212 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,656 Lot of different ways you could've said that. 213 00:07:58,091 --> 00:07:59,849 Oh, and good luck on your floor routine, sweetie. 214 00:07:59,850 --> 00:08:00,906 Not that you need it. 215 00:08:02,645 --> 00:08:03,533 That's Abby. 216 00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:04,627 - Mm-hmm. - She's the best in class. 217 00:08:04,628 --> 00:08:06,035 - Oh. - She's our competition. 218 00:08:06,093 --> 00:08:07,845 I've never wanted to beat a kid so badly. 219 00:08:07,846 --> 00:08:09,124 Are you not hearing these? 220 00:08:09,526 --> 00:08:10,555 No? Okay. 221 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:11,966 Oh, Lily's on the beam. 222 00:08:12,303 --> 00:08:13,548 I'm nervous about her dismount. 223 00:08:13,549 --> 00:08:15,051 You said that she could stick the landing, right? 224 00:08:15,052 --> 00:08:17,411 Yeah, as long as she breathes, relies on her training, 225 00:08:17,412 --> 00:08:18,637 and stays in the zone. 226 00:08:18,741 --> 00:08:20,575 We are talking about her stepping off a 6-inch beam. 227 00:08:20,576 --> 00:08:22,303 And not falling. Right. 228 00:08:23,108 --> 00:08:24,469 I have to admit. 229 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:27,503 Seeing Lily do so well brought out something in me. 230 00:08:27,558 --> 00:08:29,396 The pride of being a parent of a child 231 00:08:29,397 --> 00:08:32,333 who wasn't just participating but thriving. 232 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,344 Okay, here comes her dismount. 233 00:08:35,345 --> 00:08:38,405 Stick it Lily. Stick it! 234 00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:42,445 She stuck it! 235 00:08:42,744 --> 00:08:43,944 - Mm! - She stuck it! 236 00:08:45,169 --> 00:08:46,426 9.4. 237 00:08:46,849 --> 00:08:48,720 If no one beat my daughter's score on the beam, 238 00:08:48,852 --> 00:08:50,565 she would make pre-team. 239 00:08:51,109 --> 00:08:52,707 She'd be one of the elite. 240 00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:55,662 Funny thing, pride. 241 00:08:56,023 --> 00:08:58,569 They say it goeth before the... 242 00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:00,366 Fall. Fall. 243 00:09:00,367 --> 00:09:02,166 - Fall. - Mitchell, I can hear you... 244 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,662 - What? - Rooting for a little girl to fall. 245 00:09:03,796 --> 00:09:05,892 If I can hear you, other people can hear you. 246 00:09:06,219 --> 00:09:07,219 Yes! 247 00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:09,677 I don't know why I said that. I don't-- I'm sorry. 248 00:09:09,678 --> 00:09:10,773 Yeah, he didn't mean it. 249 00:09:10,774 --> 00:09:13,198 - I didn't mean it. - No, um, he just got caught up. 250 00:09:13,528 --> 00:09:14,836 And, uh, you know, we all know 251 00:09:14,837 --> 00:09:17,154 competition makes people do crazy things. So... 252 00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:20,080 Look at this! Her bun fell apart during the floor exercise. 253 00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:22,333 Her hair got in her eyes and she couldn't even finish! 254 00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:24,016 You did it on purpose! 255 00:09:24,017 --> 00:09:25,540 - No! - Daddies! 256 00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:27,320 I'm in first place. 257 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,657 - Yay. - That's great. 258 00:09:32,808 --> 00:09:34,090 Did you offend them? 259 00:09:34,091 --> 00:09:35,914 Me? They love me. 260 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,735 Can we go now? I have a poetry reading tonight. 261 00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:40,598 And speaking of that, 262 00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,882 - are you sure you guys really want-- - It makes no sense. 263 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,163 We're always the life of every party. 264 00:09:45,389 --> 00:09:46,590 Maybe they didn't invite you 265 00:09:46,591 --> 00:09:48,000 because you're a couple of snoops? 266 00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:50,158 Okay, Mr. Goody two-shoes. 267 00:09:50,159 --> 00:09:52,230 A trait normal parents would value. 268 00:09:54,523 --> 00:09:56,164 Jay, I think you're right about him. 269 00:09:56,165 --> 00:09:59,034 He's been too good lately for a teenager. 270 00:09:59,035 --> 00:10:00,386 It's not normal. 271 00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:02,250 I am afraid that the world is going to-- 272 00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:04,469 - Oh, hell, no. This is too far. - Ay. 273 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,680 Look at this. 274 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,482 Is that supposed to be... 275 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,500 That's us. 276 00:10:09,832 --> 00:10:11,482 Not only do we get blown off, 277 00:10:11,483 --> 00:10:12,977 now they're making fun of us. 278 00:10:12,978 --> 00:10:16,282 Well, I'm just gonna leave them a little message. 279 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,804 As far as I'm concerned, 280 00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,564 they can all... 281 00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:27,782 Horse mouth! That's a good one! 282 00:10:27,783 --> 00:10:29,527 No, "horse mouth" is not an expression. 283 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:30,824 You can't get this? 284 00:10:31,146 --> 00:10:33,069 Look. Donkey. 285 00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:35,337 That's not a donkey. Look at the ears. 286 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,293 Okay. Donkey mouth! 287 00:10:37,294 --> 00:10:38,970 That's a terrible guess. 288 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,640 That's a terrible drawing! 289 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:43,287 - Hello? - We weren't invited because you stink at this game. 290 00:10:43,288 --> 00:10:44,508 At least I can draw! 291 00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:46,053 Excuse me. Just need a signature. 292 00:10:46,054 --> 00:10:47,341 Yeah, sure. 293 00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:51,840 Okay. 294 00:10:53,002 --> 00:10:54,162 Here we go. 295 00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:55,643 There. Thank you. 296 00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:56,700 Yep. 297 00:10:57,854 --> 00:10:59,782 That's not a signature. You drew a cat. 298 00:10:59,783 --> 00:11:01,003 Thank you. 299 00:11:09,499 --> 00:11:11,932 Perfect freaking harmony. 300 00:11:12,034 --> 00:11:13,141 That's when it hit me. 301 00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:16,532 Maybe it's not the cold confines of a moving vehicle 302 00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,172 that brings out the worst in my kids. 303 00:11:18,173 --> 00:11:21,356 Maybe I bring out the worst in them 304 00:11:21,357 --> 00:11:24,941 when there's no fun-lovin' Phil around to neutralize my toxins. 305 00:11:25,378 --> 00:11:26,971 I was in a full shame spiral. 306 00:11:27,122 --> 00:11:28,450 Aah! A bee! 307 00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:31,317 And then something wonderful happened. 308 00:11:31,504 --> 00:11:32,373 I got it! 309 00:11:32,374 --> 00:11:34,544 - Ow! You idiot! - Kill it! 310 00:11:34,545 --> 00:11:35,706 No, don't! 311 00:11:35,707 --> 00:11:36,992 Haven't you heard of colony collapse? 312 00:11:36,993 --> 00:11:38,344 Bees are endangered! 313 00:11:38,358 --> 00:11:39,724 Okay, guys, stand still. 314 00:11:39,725 --> 00:11:41,265 They can't see you if you're not moving. 315 00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:42,931 - It's coming near me! - Aah! 316 00:11:43,399 --> 00:11:44,621 - Aah! - Do I look like a bee?! 317 00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:45,953 No, that was an accident! 318 00:11:45,954 --> 00:11:47,395 Well, so is this! 319 00:11:50,019 --> 00:11:51,992 Everyone remain calm! I'll just open up 320 00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:53,650 the double-tilt Swiss skylight 321 00:11:53,651 --> 00:11:54,961 and the airflow will pull 322 00:11:54,962 --> 00:11:56,456 - the bee out of-- - Aah! There's another bee now! 323 00:11:56,457 --> 00:11:57,676 We must be near its cave! 324 00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,871 Oh, my God! There's so much stupid in here! 325 00:11:59,872 --> 00:12:01,880 All right, I'm pulling this thing over. 326 00:12:01,997 --> 00:12:03,395 Those are the wipers. 327 00:12:03,396 --> 00:12:04,812 Claire, say something! 328 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:07,447 Kids, stop, please. 329 00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:10,381 Hey, there are daily flights to Yellowstone. 330 00:12:11,722 --> 00:12:12,845 Aah! You ripped my sweater! 331 00:12:12,846 --> 00:12:15,175 My sweater, which you shouldn't even be wearing! 332 00:12:16,079 --> 00:12:18,194 - Aah! Get off of my sweater! - Short layover in Salt Lake. 333 00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,925 Are you really not gonna do anything? 334 00:12:19,926 --> 00:12:22,140 Oh, Phil, you must have known this was gonna happen. 335 00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:24,607 I know that tone. You're making a point. 336 00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:26,635 It's better that you find out who they are now 337 00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:28,780 than when you're halfway across the country. 338 00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:31,395 Well, I guess I'm just a naive boob 339 00:12:31,396 --> 00:12:33,020 who thought we liked each other! 340 00:12:33,501 --> 00:12:34,874 Obviously, it was too much to ask 341 00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,220 to think that we could take one magnificent trip 342 00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:39,298 in a tricked-out, state-of-the-art R.V. 343 00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:41,634 to see the sun dancing off the Pacific. 344 00:12:41,885 --> 00:12:43,485 What a huge ask! 345 00:12:58,563 --> 00:13:00,709 I can't stand the way everyone's starting at us. 346 00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:02,093 Yeah, I know. It's the way we look at people 347 00:13:02,094 --> 00:13:04,160 who walk with their pet birds. 348 00:13:04,397 --> 00:13:05,312 There she is! 349 00:13:05,313 --> 00:13:07,802 Hey, good luck on your balance beam routine, sweetie. 350 00:13:07,803 --> 00:13:09,913 - You're gonna do great. - I'll never beat Lily. 351 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,218 Of course you will, because you're a superstar! 352 00:13:12,429 --> 00:13:14,402 And your daughter's a genius. I am such a fan. Such a fan. 353 00:13:14,403 --> 00:13:16,501 - Okay, now you're overcompensating. - I have to! 354 00:13:16,502 --> 00:13:18,429 You saw what a monster I was out there. 355 00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:21,513 This-- this is the exact thing I always hated in my dad, 356 00:13:21,514 --> 00:13:25,406 that ugly macho testosterone drive to win, 357 00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:27,232 and today it has flowered in me. 358 00:13:27,256 --> 00:13:29,695 - Well... - No, this ends today, Cam. 359 00:13:29,696 --> 00:13:31,102 I am not passing this on to Lily. 360 00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:32,649 Well, it's not all on you. You know, 361 00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:35,729 I'm beginning to think maybe I did sabotage Abby's hair. 362 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,929 I didn't spray. I didn't Beyonce. 363 00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:40,134 I basically built a ticking time bun. 364 00:13:40,346 --> 00:13:41,370 Well... 365 00:13:46,299 --> 00:13:47,508 Are you okay? 366 00:13:47,932 --> 00:13:49,060 No. 367 00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:54,014 - My hair hurts. - I'll fix it. 368 00:13:57,882 --> 00:13:59,082 We should find Lily. 369 00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:01,414 Did you see what your daughter just did? 370 00:14:03,412 --> 00:14:05,413 Uh... Lily, did you pull the pins out of Julie's hair? 371 00:14:05,414 --> 00:14:06,822 Yeah, she fell. 372 00:14:06,987 --> 00:14:08,779 - Oh. - Okay, um... 373 00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,102 I-- Could I get everyone's attention for just a moment? 374 00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:12,591 We consider what our daughter just did 375 00:14:12,592 --> 00:14:14,874 to be an embarrassment to the sport of gymnastics. 376 00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:17,696 I assure you, she did not learn this from us. 377 00:14:17,697 --> 00:14:20,058 And as far as we are concerned, that is a sign of weakness... 378 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,171 Not the way a winner behaves, but the way... 379 00:14:22,172 --> 00:14:24,419 - A loser behaves. - A loser behaves. 380 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,554 Come on, Lily. Let's get your grips and tiger paws. 381 00:14:26,555 --> 00:14:29,602 - You're going to a time-out. - Yeah. A nice long one. 382 00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:33,678 I made pre-team, and my daddies get to watch from outside. 383 00:14:33,784 --> 00:14:35,856 - No closer than 100 feet. - But we're appealing. 384 00:14:35,857 --> 00:14:38,370 - Yay! - Yay, Lily! 385 00:14:40,857 --> 00:14:43,433 Kill the chicken! Chicken fingers! 386 00:14:43,575 --> 00:14:46,126 - Pigeon man! - "Pigeon man." "Pigeon man"! 387 00:14:46,337 --> 00:14:47,955 You see, Tony, it's not me. 388 00:14:47,998 --> 00:14:49,395 Would you invite her to game night? 389 00:14:49,396 --> 00:14:50,446 I'm gonna go now. 390 00:14:50,562 --> 00:14:52,907 They're kinda sticklers about the next-day delivery thing. 391 00:14:53,707 --> 00:14:55,900 - Bird in the hand! - There you go. 392 00:14:56,238 --> 00:14:58,318 Any slower, she'd be the U.S. mail, am I right? 393 00:14:58,601 --> 00:15:00,085 That's gonna kill at the warehouse. 394 00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:02,387 You see? You are the problem. 395 00:15:02,388 --> 00:15:04,708 Except you cheated. I saw you look at the paper. 396 00:15:04,709 --> 00:15:05,979 I knew it. 397 00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,214 You're no better. 398 00:15:07,215 --> 00:15:09,185 All the screaming and bullying. 399 00:15:09,186 --> 00:15:11,603 The question isn't why you two weren't invited. 400 00:15:11,604 --> 00:15:13,501 It's why you're ever invited. 401 00:15:13,565 --> 00:15:16,357 And by the way, this isn't even about you. 402 00:15:17,097 --> 00:15:18,665 "Treasure... chest." 403 00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:20,697 Now can we clean this place up and go? 404 00:15:24,608 --> 00:15:25,840 Funny story. 405 00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,844 My mom and Jay were invited. 406 00:15:28,008 --> 00:15:29,587 Cam gave me the invitation at school, 407 00:15:29,588 --> 00:15:30,742 and I forgot about it. 408 00:15:30,946 --> 00:15:33,330 But how could I tell them right after I'd shamed them? 409 00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:34,936 I had to cover my tracks. 410 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,401 It's true, Jay. I cheated. 411 00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:41,077 I cheat a little bit every time that we come to the game night. 412 00:15:41,101 --> 00:15:42,810 I think Mitch saw me the last time, 413 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,799 and that's why they don't want to play with us anymore. 414 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,159 But why would you do that? 415 00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:47,483 I don't know! 416 00:15:47,484 --> 00:15:49,832 Maybe because I don't want you to think 417 00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:51,236 that I am not smart. 418 00:15:51,237 --> 00:15:53,005 I would never think that. 419 00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:54,742 And besides, it's my fault, anyway. 420 00:15:54,743 --> 00:15:57,305 The kid is right. I'm too competitive. 421 00:15:57,306 --> 00:15:59,869 Lost a game of Yahtzee once. The dice are still on the wall. 422 00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:01,479 Yeah, but at least you're not a cheater. 423 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,871 I feel like such a donkey mouth. 424 00:16:04,202 --> 00:16:06,690 Guys, there's something you should know. 425 00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:10,219 It's Trivial Pursuit night at mom's church. 426 00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:12,319 I hate for you to miss my poetry reading, 427 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,762 but maybe you could head down there, 428 00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:15,171 work on your sportsmanship, 429 00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:17,283 and you will feel better about yourselves. 430 00:16:17,489 --> 00:16:19,814 Are you sure you're going to be okay without me there? 431 00:16:19,815 --> 00:16:22,655 Yes, mother. Mother. I'll be in the car. 432 00:16:23,403 --> 00:16:26,327 I get this damn competitive streak from my old man. 433 00:16:26,328 --> 00:16:28,261 It's a miracle I didn't pass it down to Mitchell. 434 00:16:28,262 --> 00:16:30,106 I love that we can blame our parents. 435 00:16:30,107 --> 00:16:33,446 My mother was the biggest cheater I've ever known. 436 00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:36,368 And she used to snoop on everything that we did. 437 00:16:36,369 --> 00:16:38,440 Ay. Jay, look at this. 438 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:40,895 Our invitation. 439 00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:42,819 They must have forgot to give it to us. 440 00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:45,212 No. I checked this bag when we got here, 441 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,733 - and it wasn't there. - Why are you always-- 442 00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:48,453 You know I have a problem. 443 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:49,940 This was Manny. 444 00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:52,277 He forgot to give it to us, 445 00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:55,026 and then he came and tried to sneak it in there. 446 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:56,682 Why wouldn't he just tell us? 447 00:16:57,708 --> 00:17:00,179 Maybe because he doesn't want us to go to the reading. 448 00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:03,658 That's why he was talking about the church and the game. 449 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:05,742 He was working us. 450 00:17:05,743 --> 00:17:07,598 Guess he's not too much of a goody two-shoes. 451 00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:11,658 No. He's a lying, scheming little sneak. 452 00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:14,441 That's my son. 453 00:17:14,495 --> 00:17:15,702 Our son. 454 00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:19,296 I've never seen dad freak out like that before. 455 00:17:19,297 --> 00:17:20,705 I feel terrible. 456 00:17:20,862 --> 00:17:22,346 Oh, it's partly my fault. 457 00:17:22,347 --> 00:17:24,962 I goaded you guys into a fight to prove a point. 458 00:17:25,142 --> 00:17:26,863 Why do I always have to win? 459 00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:28,268 How did I get this way? 460 00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,166 That you? 461 00:17:33,042 --> 00:17:34,146 Yeah. 462 00:17:34,655 --> 00:17:35,904 - You? - Yep. 463 00:17:36,244 --> 00:17:37,629 How many kids in yours? 464 00:17:37,876 --> 00:17:39,157 Felt like 30. 465 00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:40,341 I got four. 466 00:17:40,939 --> 00:17:43,348 But I'm thinking of emancipating two of them early. 467 00:17:43,349 --> 00:17:45,742 Tell me one of you has cigarettes or a flask. 468 00:17:45,743 --> 00:17:46,861 Sorry, buddy. 469 00:17:47,247 --> 00:17:48,846 I've been through every state-- 470 00:17:49,148 --> 00:17:52,603 depressed, catatonic, Arkansas. 471 00:17:52,742 --> 00:17:55,993 I considered faking my own death in Bryce Canyon National Park. 472 00:17:56,328 --> 00:17:58,663 Have you been? Not to be missed. 473 00:17:58,664 --> 00:18:01,072 I'm gonna miss it. I'm missing every bit of it. 474 00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:03,865 I'm not spending another second in that rolling asylum. 475 00:18:04,031 --> 00:18:07,143 Poor guy. How long you been on the road? Couple weeks? 476 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,255 Couple days? 477 00:18:13,156 --> 00:18:15,732 Dad's in the middle of a super sad dude hug. 478 00:18:16,191 --> 00:18:17,846 We really disappointed him. 479 00:18:18,376 --> 00:18:19,782 Yeah, maybe we should just suck it up 480 00:18:19,783 --> 00:18:21,488 and go to jellystone this summer. 481 00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:24,162 Wait. That's why dad got this thing? 482 00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:26,865 I-I can't go on a trip this summer. 483 00:18:26,909 --> 00:18:28,693 - Why? - I've... 484 00:18:29,329 --> 00:18:33,489 - I've got stuff. - Huh? No. What stuff? 485 00:18:33,490 --> 00:18:35,368 - I don't want to talk about it. - Luke. 486 00:18:35,369 --> 00:18:38,183 Summer school. I'm failing pre-algebra. 487 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,493 - Why didn't you say something? - I don't know. 488 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:41,701 I feel stupid. 489 00:18:41,702 --> 00:18:43,487 You know what it's like to follow her? 490 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:44,997 All the teachers look at me 491 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,566 and think that I'm some kind of irrational remainder. 492 00:18:47,979 --> 00:18:49,940 - Did I use that right? - No. 493 00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:51,431 Dang it. 494 00:18:51,678 --> 00:18:53,901 But why didn't you ask me? I would've tutored you. 495 00:18:54,619 --> 00:18:57,217 I tried, but you were always off in your room 496 00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:59,389 or some corner of the house on the phone. 497 00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:01,296 Yeah, who have you been talking to so much lately? 498 00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:02,640 - Aaron? - Who's Aaron? 499 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,260 Actually, it's two boys-- Aaron and Alex. 500 00:19:04,261 --> 00:19:06,519 - Oh, two boys. - A boy named Alex likes you? 501 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,502 Yeah, I know. It's weird. 502 00:19:07,503 --> 00:19:09,414 But my friend Andi with an "I"-- She's a girl-- 503 00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,120 - also liked Alex. - The boy? 504 00:19:11,121 --> 00:19:13,294 Yes, the boy. I don't refer to myself in the third person. 505 00:19:13,295 --> 00:19:15,140 - I thought Aaron was the third person. - No. 506 00:19:15,141 --> 00:19:17,575 Anyway, I thought I was cool juggling two boys at once, 507 00:19:17,576 --> 00:19:18,657 but... 508 00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:21,172 They both ended up dumping me on the same day. 509 00:19:21,236 --> 00:19:22,731 Sweetie, that's awful. 510 00:19:22,732 --> 00:19:24,652 How did I not know this was happening? 511 00:19:24,678 --> 00:19:26,277 You've been really busy lately, 512 00:19:26,278 --> 00:19:27,797 like with flipping that house. 513 00:19:27,798 --> 00:19:30,143 And plus I didn't really want to talk about it, 514 00:19:30,144 --> 00:19:32,065 - because it's kind of embarrassing. - Oh... 515 00:19:32,321 --> 00:19:35,907 Not as embarrassing as failing a class that starts with "pre." 516 00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:37,790 - Baby... - You guys wanna feel better? 517 00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:40,893 I auditioned to be a Laker girl this morning. 518 00:19:41,234 --> 00:19:42,601 - What? You did? - No way. 519 00:19:42,602 --> 00:19:45,180 I took all those dance classes when I was younger, 520 00:19:45,181 --> 00:19:46,585 and, I don't know. I've been trying to figure out 521 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,051 what I want to do with my life, 522 00:19:48,052 --> 00:19:50,706 so I saw online that there were open tryouts, 523 00:19:50,707 --> 00:19:52,727 - so I went down there. - And? 524 00:19:53,051 --> 00:19:54,811 I'm the new head Laker girl, mom. 525 00:19:55,107 --> 00:19:57,412 It was a disaster. I was the worst one there. 526 00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:59,406 I couldn't even get through my routine. 527 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,120 - Oh... - You have a routine? 528 00:20:02,916 --> 00:20:06,115 Pat, Heath, you guys have given me the courage to go back in there, 529 00:20:06,116 --> 00:20:07,125 stand up to my wife, 530 00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:08,938 and tell her she was right all along. 531 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,477 Happy trails, Phil. 532 00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:12,507 Heath? 533 00:20:12,508 --> 00:20:14,413 I might just stay here a while. 534 00:20:16,878 --> 00:20:18,547 Phil. Phil, I have to show you something. 535 00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:19,592 Don't gloat. I get it. 536 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,393 I keep trying to push this family closer together, 537 00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:24,267 - but they need their space. - No, no, no. We have too much space. 538 00:20:24,385 --> 00:20:25,984 Being in trapped in one room has forced us 539 00:20:25,985 --> 00:20:27,271 to actually talk to one another, 540 00:20:27,272 --> 00:20:29,643 and I have found out some incredible things about our kids. 541 00:20:29,644 --> 00:20:31,645 Wait. Incredible good? 542 00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:32,898 You tell me. 543 00:20:35,772 --> 00:20:37,476 Oh, my God. 544 00:20:37,682 --> 00:20:41,068 - Dream come true! I don't even need context! - Yeah! 545 00:20:41,178 --> 00:20:42,544 What is this?! 546 00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:45,403 - So our trip's back on? - We're in if Jolene's in. 547 00:20:45,404 --> 00:20:48,011 - Come on. Do it! - Yeah! 548 00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:57,373 Oh! Why can't I get this? 549 00:20:57,374 --> 00:20:59,592 You just gotta focus. Clear your mind. 550 00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,630 Loosen up. Get in the zone. You know this. 551 00:21:01,631 --> 00:21:02,966 Okay, we're gonna walk through this together, 552 00:21:02,967 --> 00:21:04,107 step by step. 553 00:21:04,108 --> 00:21:06,525 Five, six, seven, eight... 554 00:21:06,538 --> 00:21:09,026 One, two, three, four, 555 00:21:09,027 --> 00:21:12,472 - five and six, seven and eight... - 56.1 plus or minus 8.25. 556 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,368 - That's the first one. - One, two, three, four, 557 00:21:14,369 --> 00:21:16,182 - five, six, two, five-- - Okay, number 2-- x plus 2 over 4 558 00:21:16,183 --> 00:21:19,183 - equals 3 plus 3-- minus-- - Damn it, Alex, do you mind? 559 00:21:19,183 --> 00:21:20,383 We're doing something important here! 560 00:21:22,787 --> 00:21:24,607 Oh. OK. Once more. 561 00:21:24,807 --> 00:21:26,007 - Like nobody's watching. - x plus 2... 562 00:21:26,207 --> 00:21:36,207 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com