1 00:00:00,419 --> 00:00:02,672 Let's see, Raj was the kung pao–chicken. 2 00:00:02,947 --> 00:00:05,080 - I'm the dumplings. - Yes, you are. 3 00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:08,119 Creepy, Howard. 4 00:00:08,905 --> 00:00:10,263 Creepy good or creepy bad? 5 00:00:11,953 --> 00:00:13,647 Who was the shrimp with lobster sauce? 6 00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:17,167 That would be me. Come to papa, you un-kosher delight. 7 00:00:19,123 --> 00:00:21,274 I'm not necessarily talking to the food. 8 00:00:27,034 --> 00:00:28,213 Sit over there. 9 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,588 Sit over there. 10 00:00:44,513 --> 00:00:45,513 Baby wipe? 11 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,635 - Why do you have... - No, don't ask! Don't! 12 00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:51,504 I'll tell you why. 13 00:00:52,374 --> 00:00:54,944 I had to sanitize my hands because the university 14 00:00:55,064 --> 00:00:58,102 replaced the paper towels in the rest rooms with hot air blowers. 15 00:00:58,446 --> 00:01:00,277 I thought the blowers were more sanitary. 16 00:01:00,475 --> 00:01:01,898 - Really, don't. - Why...? 17 00:01:02,484 --> 00:01:05,072 Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers 18 00:01:05,192 --> 00:01:06,973 of bacteria and pestilence. 19 00:01:07,093 --> 00:01:08,593 Frankly, it'd be more hygienic 20 00:01:08,713 --> 00:01:11,703 if they had a plague-infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry. 21 00:01:12,494 --> 00:01:15,135 Hey, guys, I just got the most amazing news... 22 00:01:18,216 --> 00:01:21,584 Do you think you'll ever be able to talk in front of me without being drunk? 23 00:01:24,374 --> 00:01:25,823 Okay, I'll just, 24 00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:27,381 go eat by myself. 25 00:01:27,583 --> 00:01:28,883 You don't have to do that. 26 00:01:29,076 --> 00:01:32,095 It's okay, between him not talking, him talking and him... 27 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,536 I'm better off alone. 28 00:01:37,282 --> 00:01:39,435 Good-bye, you poor, strange little man. 29 00:01:44,487 --> 00:01:45,976 She's so considerate. 30 00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:47,516 What's your news? 31 00:01:47,636 --> 00:01:50,379 Remember that little planetary object I spotted beyond the Kuiper Belt? 32 00:01:50,499 --> 00:01:52,678 Oh, yeah, 2008-NQ Sub-17. 33 00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:55,087 Or as I call it, Planet Bollywood. 34 00:01:56,063 --> 00:01:59,011 Anyway, because of my discovery, People magazine is naming me 35 00:01:59,131 --> 00:02:00,999 one of their 30 under 30 to watch. 36 00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:02,834 Congratulations. 37 00:02:02,994 --> 00:02:04,458 That's incredible. 38 00:02:04,578 --> 00:02:05,578 Excuse me, 39 00:02:05,837 --> 00:02:08,648 30 what under 30 what to watch what? 40 00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,479 30 visionaries under 30 years of age 41 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:15,883 to watch as they challenge the preconceptions of their fields. 42 00:02:16,278 --> 00:02:19,510 If I had a million guesses, I never would have gotten that. 43 00:02:20,403 --> 00:02:23,777 They've got me in with a guy who's doing something about hunger in Indonesia, 44 00:02:23,897 --> 00:02:26,862 and a psychotherapist who's using dolphins to rehabilitate prisoners, 45 00:02:26,982 --> 00:02:28,312 and Ellen Page, 46 00:02:28,432 --> 00:02:30,909 star of the charming independent film, Juno. 47 00:02:32,541 --> 00:02:33,806 I'd so do her. 48 00:02:36,462 --> 00:02:37,991 You'd do the dolphins. 49 00:02:39,495 --> 00:02:41,289 Do I get an honorable mention for designing 50 00:02:41,409 --> 00:02:43,416 the telescope camera mounting bracket you used? 51 00:02:43,781 --> 00:02:46,628 Sorry, it's not part of my heartwarming and personal narrative 52 00:02:46,903 --> 00:02:48,963 in which a humble boy from New Delhi 53 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,754 overcame poverty and prejudice 54 00:02:50,874 --> 00:02:53,525 and journeyed to America to reach for the stars. 55 00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:55,729 Poverty? Your father's a gynecologist. 56 00:02:55,849 --> 00:02:57,256 He drives a Bentley. 57 00:02:58,529 --> 00:02:59,641 It's a lease. 58 00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:04,261 I'm confused. 59 00:03:04,381 --> 00:03:06,979 Was there some sort of peer review committee 60 00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:09,275 to determine which scientists would be included? 61 00:03:09,601 --> 00:03:11,431 Peer review? It's People magazine. 62 00:03:11,551 --> 00:03:12,837 People picked me. 63 00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:16,581 - What people? - The people from People. 64 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,517 But exactly who are these people? What are their credentials? 65 00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:22,059 How are they qualified? 66 00:03:22,179 --> 00:03:24,714 What makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock 67 00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:27,855 that's been traipsing around the solar system for billions of years 68 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,825 more noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment 69 00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:32,382 made by someone under 30? 70 00:03:33,192 --> 00:03:36,302 Boy, I'll bet Ellen Page's friends aren't giving her this kind of crap. 71 00:03:42,012 --> 00:03:43,698 Are you proud of yourself? 72 00:03:44,213 --> 00:03:45,521 In general, yes. 73 00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:06,040 Subtitles: sub-way.fr 74 00:04:16,010 --> 00:04:17,719 There's my missing neutrino. 75 00:04:18,023 --> 00:04:20,623 You were hiding from me as an unbalanced charge, 76 00:04:20,743 --> 00:04:23,220 weren't you, you little sub-atomic dickens? 77 00:04:25,195 --> 00:04:27,103 Hey, look, I found my missing neutrino. 78 00:04:27,522 --> 00:04:29,897 Oh good, we can take it off the milk carton. 79 00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:34,323 We're going to apologize to Raj and invite him out to dinner. 80 00:04:34,443 --> 00:04:35,987 Apologize for what? 81 00:04:36,308 --> 00:04:38,616 He came over last night with some pretty good news 82 00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,325 and we weren't very supportive. 83 00:04:41,678 --> 00:04:43,911 I sense you're trying to tell me something. 84 00:04:44,728 --> 00:04:46,569 You were a colossal asshat. 85 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,924 No, I beg to differ. 86 00:04:51,699 --> 00:04:54,005 Of the three of us, I was by far the most supportive. 87 00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:55,705 Really? Do tell. 88 00:04:56,043 --> 00:04:59,635 How will Raj ever reach true greatness if his friends lower the bar for him? 89 00:05:00,354 --> 00:05:01,512 When I was 11, 90 00:05:01,674 --> 00:05:04,586 my sister bought our father a "World's Greatest Dad" coffee mug 91 00:05:04,706 --> 00:05:07,593 and, frankly, the man coasted until the day he died. 92 00:05:09,557 --> 00:05:10,883 Okay, let's try it this way. 93 00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:14,025 What if this People magazine thing is the best he's ever gonna achieve? 94 00:05:15,881 --> 00:05:17,236 I had not considered that. 95 00:05:17,929 --> 00:05:18,738 Come on. 96 00:05:19,391 --> 00:05:21,998 I often forget other people have limitations. 97 00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:23,462 It's so sad. 98 00:05:24,947 --> 00:05:27,163 - He can feel sadness? - Not really. 99 00:05:27,325 --> 00:05:29,373 It's what you and I would call condescension. 100 00:05:31,526 --> 00:05:34,403 Now when we go in there, let's show Raj that we're happy for him. 101 00:05:34,523 --> 00:05:35,615 But I'm not. 102 00:05:37,808 --> 00:05:39,050 Well, then fake it. 103 00:05:39,531 --> 00:05:41,413 Look at me. I could be grinding on the fact 104 00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:43,735 that without my stabilizing telescope mount 105 00:05:43,855 --> 00:05:47,725 he never would have found that stupid, little clump of cosmic schmutz. 106 00:05:49,842 --> 00:05:51,396 But I'm bigger than that. 107 00:05:51,945 --> 00:05:53,523 Fine. What do you want me to do? 108 00:05:54,362 --> 00:05:55,399 Smile. 109 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,172 Crap, that's terrifying. 110 00:06:08,406 --> 00:06:10,748 We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman. 111 00:06:13,145 --> 00:06:14,668 Try less teeth. 112 00:06:20,204 --> 00:06:21,755 Close enough. Come on. 113 00:06:24,403 --> 00:06:26,264 - Hey, Raj. - Hey, guys. What's up? 114 00:06:26,645 --> 00:06:28,558 We just wanted to invite you out to dinner. 115 00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:31,195 To celebrate your "30 under 30" thing. 116 00:06:31,315 --> 00:06:32,472 Right, Sheldon? 117 00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:38,526 That's very nice of you. I would like that. 118 00:06:38,688 --> 00:06:40,350 Hello, boys. Dr. Gablehauser. 119 00:06:40,470 --> 00:06:42,090 - Dr. Koothrappali. - Dr. Gablehauser. 120 00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:43,839 - Dr. Hofstader. - Dr. Gablehauser. 121 00:06:43,959 --> 00:06:45,406 - Dr. Cooper. - Dr. Gablehauser. 122 00:06:45,526 --> 00:06:46,721 Mr. Wolowitz. 123 00:06:48,489 --> 00:06:51,164 Boys, I've got a question for you: Who in this room 124 00:06:51,324 --> 00:06:52,725 discovered a star? 125 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,501 Actually, 2008-NQ Sub-17 is a planetary body. 126 00:06:55,663 --> 00:06:58,184 I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. 127 00:06:58,304 --> 00:07:00,537 You, my exotic young friend, 128 00:07:00,657 --> 00:07:02,149 are my star. 129 00:07:03,014 --> 00:07:06,114 But you didn't discover him. You merely noticed he was here, 130 00:07:06,234 --> 00:07:08,930 much like he did with 2008-NQ Sub-17. 131 00:07:10,091 --> 00:07:11,100 Sorry. 132 00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:16,511 Boy, we've got to get you into a better office. 133 00:07:16,631 --> 00:07:18,441 Something more suited to your status. 134 00:07:18,601 --> 00:07:20,189 You don't have to go to any trouble. 135 00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:22,111 How about Von Gerlich's old office? 136 00:07:22,273 --> 00:07:24,598 I'd rather have Fishbein's. It's bigger. 137 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,548 Wait a minute, I called dibs on Fishbein's office 138 00:07:27,668 --> 00:07:30,616 the day he started showing up at work in his bathrobe. 139 00:07:31,032 --> 00:07:34,624 He gets a new office, I can't even get paper towels in the men's room? 140 00:07:34,962 --> 00:07:36,335 Damn, this is hard. 141 00:07:43,845 --> 00:07:45,103 Let me ask you something. 142 00:07:45,223 --> 00:07:47,939 What do you think the business of this place is? 143 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:54,602 - Science? - Money. 144 00:07:54,722 --> 00:07:55,728 Told you. 145 00:07:57,141 --> 00:07:59,534 And this boy's picture in People magazine 146 00:07:59,654 --> 00:08:01,817 is gonna raise us a pile of money taller than... 147 00:08:02,946 --> 00:08:04,320 well, taller than you. 148 00:08:06,406 --> 00:08:07,782 I have a Master's degree. 149 00:08:08,103 --> 00:08:09,204 Who doesn't? 150 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:14,384 Have you ever had lunch in the president's dining room? 151 00:08:14,564 --> 00:08:17,008 I didn't even know there was a president's dining room. 152 00:08:17,128 --> 00:08:19,737 It's the same food as the cafeteria, only fresh. 153 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,879 - Come on, little buddy. - Okay, big buddy. 154 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,029 See you tonight, guys. 155 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,684 You can stop smiling now. 156 00:08:32,254 --> 00:08:34,336 So anyway, after a fantastic lunch, 157 00:08:34,512 --> 00:08:36,991 I was whisked off to the People magazine photo shoot... 158 00:08:37,111 --> 00:08:39,517 Have any of you boys ever been to a photo shoot? 159 00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:41,107 It's fantastic. 160 00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:44,106 Apparently, the camera loves me and I, it. 161 00:08:46,072 --> 00:08:50,004 They shot me in front of a starry background where I posed like this. 162 00:08:55,972 --> 00:08:58,092 They're going to digitally add a supernova. 163 00:08:58,212 --> 00:09:00,876 They say it's the perfect metaphor for my incandescent talent. 164 00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:05,231 Right, a ball of hot, flaming gas that collapses upon itself. 165 00:09:07,803 --> 00:09:10,086 Excuse me. Oh, it's my assistant, Trevor. 166 00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:11,584 Go for Koothrappali. 167 00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:14,097 They gave him an assistant? 168 00:09:14,217 --> 00:09:17,609 If I want a new pen, I have to go to the bank with wire cutters. 169 00:09:18,713 --> 00:09:21,010 Have we at this point met our social obligations? 170 00:09:21,130 --> 00:09:22,023 Not yet. 171 00:09:22,183 --> 00:09:23,776 Okay, just put it on my calendar, 172 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,903 but start thinking of a reason why I can't go. 173 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,867 All righty? Koothrappali out. 174 00:09:28,842 --> 00:09:31,223 God bless that boy. I don't know what I'd do without him. 175 00:09:31,343 --> 00:09:32,992 You just got him this afternoon. 176 00:09:33,246 --> 00:09:36,064 Yes, but I'm finding that having a lackey suits me. 177 00:09:37,318 --> 00:09:38,245 A lackey? 178 00:09:38,365 --> 00:09:40,071 I'm sorry. Is that politically incorrect? 179 00:09:40,191 --> 00:09:42,578 In India, we just call them untouchables. 180 00:09:43,568 --> 00:09:45,117 - Now? - Almost. 181 00:09:46,292 --> 00:09:49,180 Speaking of untouchables, I've got great news for you guys. 182 00:09:50,605 --> 00:09:52,760 People magazine is having a reception this Saturday 183 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,555 and I managed to get you invited. 184 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:57,181 - Gee, thanks. - You're welcome. 185 00:09:57,604 --> 00:09:59,995 Of course, I couldn't get you into the VIP section 186 00:10:00,115 --> 00:10:01,740 because, you know, that's for VIPs 187 00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:04,122 and you guys are just, you know... P's. 188 00:10:06,618 --> 00:10:08,832 There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea 189 00:10:08,952 --> 00:10:11,138 where, when a hunter flaunts his success 190 00:10:11,258 --> 00:10:13,483 to the rest of the village, they kill him 191 00:10:13,603 --> 00:10:16,636 and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. 192 00:10:16,756 --> 00:10:18,371 Superstious nonsense, of course, 193 00:10:18,606 --> 00:10:20,394 but one can see their point. 194 00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:31,007 Here you go, Raj. You might want to drink this one slowly. 195 00:10:31,808 --> 00:10:34,136 So, Saturday night, can I count on my posse? 196 00:10:34,671 --> 00:10:37,515 Gee, I'd love to, Raj, but I can't make it. 197 00:10:42,139 --> 00:10:43,257 No, I could... 198 00:10:46,851 --> 00:10:48,689 I can make it. But I won't. 199 00:10:49,814 --> 00:10:51,205 What are you talking about? 200 00:10:51,325 --> 00:10:53,940 There's a reception for my magazine article on Saturday. 201 00:10:54,060 --> 00:10:55,569 And you guys aren't going? 202 00:10:56,026 --> 00:10:59,147 I can't believe you. Raj is celebrating a tremendous accomplishment 203 00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,341 and you're not even going to support him? 204 00:11:01,659 --> 00:11:04,671 A tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered 205 00:11:04,791 --> 00:11:07,878 were plummeting toward Earth and he exploded it with his mind. 206 00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:12,098 That would be cool. I'd go to that reception. 207 00:11:13,033 --> 00:11:15,838 Come on, this is huge. Raj is gonna be in People magazine, 208 00:11:15,958 --> 00:11:19,181 and he didn't even have to knock up one of the Spears sisters. 209 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:21,942 Would you like to go with me? 210 00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:24,395 Of course I would. I would be honored. 211 00:11:24,792 --> 00:11:25,938 Really? Cool. 212 00:11:26,442 --> 00:11:27,970 Shame on you guys. 213 00:11:31,217 --> 00:11:33,453 Look at that, I got a date with Penny. 214 00:11:34,582 --> 00:11:36,449 I can't believe it took you a whole year. 215 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:39,741 - Now? - Now. 216 00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:46,670 Hey, buddy, 217 00:11:47,024 --> 00:11:48,669 I'm going to be in People magazine. 218 00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:51,070 Yeah, call me when you're on the cover. 219 00:12:02,846 --> 00:12:04,318 Raj, look at you! 220 00:12:04,970 --> 00:12:07,822 I know. I'm resplendent like the noonday sun, am I not? 221 00:12:10,615 --> 00:12:13,151 Yeah. Starting with the champagne a little early, aren't you? 222 00:12:13,314 --> 00:12:15,694 It was in the limo. They sent a limo. 223 00:12:15,814 --> 00:12:18,181 I have a limo. I just love saying "limo." 224 00:12:19,493 --> 00:12:21,994 - Sip on it while you're getting ready. - I'm ready. 225 00:12:22,969 --> 00:12:24,663 That's what you're wearing? 226 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,417 Why, what's wrong with it? 227 00:12:28,971 --> 00:12:31,933 Nothing. I was just hoping for something a little more, you know, 228 00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:33,522 ridonkulous. 229 00:12:40,789 --> 00:12:44,085 Yeah. Well, this is all the donkulous you're gonna get tonight. 230 00:12:45,685 --> 00:12:47,306 Okey-dokey, let's roll. 231 00:12:48,258 --> 00:12:50,648 All right, it's time to raise the roof! 232 00:12:52,475 --> 00:12:54,527 - Hey, Leonard. - Dude. 233 00:12:54,919 --> 00:12:56,130 You look very nice. 234 00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:57,406 Thank you. 235 00:13:00,291 --> 00:13:02,234 - Come on. Good night. - Good night. 236 00:13:02,354 --> 00:13:04,829 Hey, Leonard, do you see my limo downstairs? 237 00:13:05,990 --> 00:13:08,541 It's bigger than the house my grandfather grew up in. 238 00:13:09,137 --> 00:13:11,252 - Terrific. - It has more food, too. 239 00:13:11,775 --> 00:13:13,218 Come on. Come on. 240 00:13:25,762 --> 00:13:28,226 Good news. You don't have to sulk about Penny anymore. 241 00:13:28,389 --> 00:13:32,057 There are hundreds of Croatian women just waiting for you to contact them. 242 00:13:33,337 --> 00:13:35,666 Anything-for-a-greencard.com? 243 00:13:38,424 --> 00:13:41,493 I'll lend you my user name. It's "Wealthy Big Penis." 244 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:44,604 You're joking. 245 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:47,688 You gotta make it easy for 'em. They're just learning English. 246 00:13:49,294 --> 00:13:50,297 Pass. 247 00:13:50,417 --> 00:13:52,418 So you're just gonna sit around here and mope 248 00:13:52,578 --> 00:13:55,700 while Penny is out with Dr. Apu from the Kwik-E Mart? 249 00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:59,508 It's not a date, and that's racist. 250 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:00,926 It can't be racist. 251 00:14:01,046 --> 00:14:03,226 He's a beloved character on The Simpsons. 252 00:14:05,337 --> 00:14:07,080 Let's just eat so I can get to bed. 253 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,499 With any luck, tonight will be the night my sleep apnea kills me. 254 00:14:14,848 --> 00:14:17,801 Did you ask for the chicken with broccoli to be diced, not shredded? 255 00:14:17,921 --> 00:14:20,008 Even though the menu description specifies "shredded"? 256 00:14:20,128 --> 00:14:21,583 Brown rice, not white? 257 00:14:21,703 --> 00:14:24,132 Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard? 258 00:14:24,252 --> 00:14:26,428 Did you pick up the low sodium soy sauce from the market? 259 00:14:26,548 --> 00:14:28,370 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 260 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,425 What took you so long? 261 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,171 - Just sit down and eat. - Fine. 262 00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,550 All right, it's shredded. What do you want me to do? 263 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,163 I want you to check before you accept the order. 264 00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:45,283 Sorry. 265 00:14:46,592 --> 00:14:49,026 Were you distracted by the possibility that Koothrappali 266 00:14:49,146 --> 00:14:51,352 might have intercourse with Penny tonight? 267 00:14:54,136 --> 00:14:56,171 He's not going to have intercourse with Penny. 268 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,615 Then there's no excuse for this chicken. 269 00:15:00,326 --> 00:15:02,748 You know, this situation with Koothrappali 270 00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:05,157 brings to mind a story from my childhood. 271 00:15:05,319 --> 00:15:08,174 Oh, goody, more tales from the panhandle. 272 00:15:08,906 --> 00:15:10,868 That's northwest Texas. I'm from east Texas, 273 00:15:10,988 --> 00:15:14,001 the Gulf region, home to many Vietnamese shrimpers. 274 00:15:15,241 --> 00:15:17,169 Do the shrimpers feature in your story? 275 00:15:20,685 --> 00:15:22,861 Anyway, when I was eight, 276 00:15:23,146 --> 00:15:27,072 a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat Lucky. 277 00:15:29,313 --> 00:15:31,016 - Lucky? - Yes, Lucky. 278 00:15:31,372 --> 00:15:33,653 He's irony-impaired. Just move on. 279 00:15:35,264 --> 00:15:37,691 Dead cat named Lucky. Continue. 280 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,567 While others mourned Lucky, 281 00:15:39,687 --> 00:15:41,612 I realized his untimely demise 282 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,012 provided me with the opportunity to replace him 283 00:15:44,132 --> 00:15:46,240 with something more suited to my pet needs: 284 00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:49,517 a faithful companion that I could snuggle with at night, 285 00:15:49,637 --> 00:15:52,972 yet would be capable of killing upon telepathic command. 286 00:15:55,308 --> 00:15:56,629 So not a puppy? 287 00:15:57,621 --> 00:15:59,253 Please, nothing so pedestrian. 288 00:15:59,772 --> 00:16:01,429 I wanted a griffin. 289 00:16:03,219 --> 00:16:04,337 A griffin? 290 00:16:04,962 --> 00:16:06,760 Yes, half eagle, half lion. 291 00:16:07,819 --> 00:16:09,276 And mythological. 292 00:16:10,938 --> 00:16:12,099 Irrelevant. 293 00:16:13,230 --> 00:16:15,853 I was studying recombinant DNA technology, 294 00:16:16,013 --> 00:16:18,987 and I was confidant I could create one, but my parents were unwilling 295 00:16:19,107 --> 00:16:21,804 to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen. 296 00:16:24,605 --> 00:16:27,549 Of course, my sister got swimming lessons when she wanted them. 297 00:16:30,611 --> 00:16:34,094 Not that we don't all enjoy a good lion semen story, 298 00:16:35,956 --> 00:16:38,370 - but what's your point? - My point is 299 00:16:38,490 --> 00:16:40,129 if Koothrappali is moving on 300 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,344 to a new life of shallow undeserved fame, 301 00:16:43,464 --> 00:16:46,467 perhaps this is an opportunity to create a better cohort. 302 00:16:47,097 --> 00:16:49,016 You want to breed a new friend? 303 00:16:50,712 --> 00:16:52,723 That's one option, but who has the time? 304 00:16:53,581 --> 00:16:56,435 But consider this-- the Japanese are doing 305 00:16:56,597 --> 00:16:58,717 some wonderful work with artificial intelligence. 306 00:16:58,837 --> 00:17:01,224 Now, you combine that with some animatronics 307 00:17:01,344 --> 00:17:03,050 from the imagineers over at Disney, 308 00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:04,965 next thing you know, we're playing Halo 309 00:17:05,085 --> 00:17:06,930 with a multilingual Abraham Lincoln. 310 00:17:08,642 --> 00:17:11,251 Don't take this the wrong way, but you're insane. 311 00:17:13,034 --> 00:17:14,628 That may well be, but the fact is 312 00:17:14,748 --> 00:17:16,789 it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people. 313 00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:19,875 For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. 314 00:17:22,204 --> 00:17:25,348 They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens. 315 00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:28,705 And I'm not insane. My mother had me tested. 316 00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:35,765 If we do get a new friend, he should be a guy you can trust. 317 00:17:35,926 --> 00:17:38,904 - A guy who has your back. - And he should have a lot of money 318 00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:42,147 and live in a cool place by the beach where we could throw parties. 319 00:17:42,309 --> 00:17:45,662 - And share our love of technology. - And he should know a lot of women. 320 00:17:46,528 --> 00:17:48,793 Let's see, money, women, technology. 321 00:17:48,913 --> 00:17:52,324 Okay, we're agreed. Our new friend is going to be Iron Man. 322 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,070 Welcome to the Raj Mahal. 323 00:18:04,378 --> 00:18:05,921 It's very nice. Good night. 324 00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:08,132 - Wait. The evening's not over. - Yes, it is. 325 00:18:08,292 --> 00:18:11,433 No, it's time to put on some R. Kelly and suck face. 326 00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:15,305 Is the evening over? 327 00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:16,871 Wait, wait, wait! 328 00:18:16,991 --> 00:18:19,077 That's my mommy and daddy calling from India. 329 00:18:19,197 --> 00:18:22,062 - I want you to meet my parents. - Wait. Meet them? 330 00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,859 Hello, Mommy, Daddy. Good to see you. 331 00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:28,814 How are you? I'm not drunk. 332 00:18:30,416 --> 00:18:33,146 - Why would you say that? - Just making conversation. 333 00:18:33,481 --> 00:18:36,368 Mommy, Daddy, I want you to meet my new squeeze, Penny. 334 00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:39,073 I'm not your squeeze. There is no squeezing. 335 00:18:39,855 --> 00:18:42,124 I can't see her. Center her in the frame. 336 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,029 Here you go. Cute, huh? 337 00:18:45,513 --> 00:18:46,818 She's not Indian. 338 00:18:47,675 --> 00:18:50,244 So she's not Indian. The boy is just sowing some wild oats. 339 00:18:50,876 --> 00:18:53,426 There's no sowing, no squeezing and no sucking face. 340 00:18:54,907 --> 00:18:56,367 What if he gets her pregnant? 341 00:18:56,487 --> 00:18:59,765 Is this little hotsy-totsy who you want as the mother of your grandchildren? 342 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,978 What right do you have to pick with whom I can have children with? 343 00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:05,509 Look, Rajesh, I understand, you're in America. 344 00:19:05,629 --> 00:19:07,603 You want to try the "local cuisine." 345 00:19:08,274 --> 00:19:11,709 Trust me. You don't want it for a steady diet. 346 00:19:12,939 --> 00:19:15,074 Now you listen to me. I am no longer a child 347 00:19:15,194 --> 00:19:17,187 and I will not be spoken to like one. 348 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,786 Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw up. 349 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,666 - What's wrong with him? - I don't know. 350 00:19:24,828 --> 00:19:26,716 Maybe it's the local cuisine. 351 00:19:32,696 --> 00:19:34,969 Well, it's nice to meet you. 352 00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:38,055 I'm just gonna set you on down over here. 353 00:19:38,555 --> 00:19:40,098 And I'm gonna leave, so... 354 00:19:40,404 --> 00:19:41,404 namaste. 355 00:19:45,301 --> 00:19:48,052 And FYI, you'd be lucky to have me as a daughter-in-law. 356 00:19:50,859 --> 00:19:51,963 She's feisty. 357 00:19:52,675 --> 00:19:53,738 I like that. 358 00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:06,061 Raj, what are you doing? 359 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,381 No notes. If you have something to say to me, say it. 360 00:20:27,892 --> 00:20:28,892 Sorry. 361 00:20:31,603 --> 00:20:33,360 Sweetie, it's okay.