1
00:00:05,556 --> 00:00:06,879
Gentlemen, I put it to you:

2
00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,582
the worst tapioca pudding
is better than the best pudding

3
00:00:09,752 --> 00:00:11,401
of any other flavor.

4
00:00:13,190 --> 00:00:15,002
First off,
that is axiomatically wrong

5
00:00:15,172 --> 00:00:17,622
because the best pudding
is chocolate.

6
00:00:18,046 --> 00:00:20,301
Secondly,
the organic structure of tapioca

7
00:00:20,471 --> 00:00:22,433
makes it a jiggling bowl
of potential death.

8
00:00:22,603 --> 00:00:26,527
- It is extracted from the plant...
- I'm thinking of growing a mustache.

9
00:00:28,347 --> 00:00:31,035
No kidding? Fu Manchu,
a handlebar, pencil?

10
00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:33,357
- It's extracted from...
- I'm not sure yet.

11
00:00:33,527 --> 00:00:35,748
- George Clooney has one now.
- Really?

12
00:00:35,963 --> 00:00:38,709
I once saw him shopping at Ralph's.
He was buying tequila.

13
00:00:39,968 --> 00:00:43,422
You'd thinka guy like that
would have some kind of booze lackey.

14
00:00:48,017 --> 00:00:51,352
This is cruel. We'd better let him
finish before his head explodes.

15
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:53,555
All right, why is tap...?

16
00:00:53,725 --> 00:00:56,143
Tapioca is extracted from the root
of the plant manihot esculenta!

17
00:00:56,313 --> 00:00:58,959
Due to a high concentration of cyanide,
it is poisonous in its raw form

18
00:00:59,129 --> 00:01:01,150
and lethal if prepared improperly!

19
00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:05,551
Feel better now?

20
00:01:05,721 --> 00:01:07,772
It is also indigenous to Brazil
as is the cocoa bean,

21
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:09,808
from which we get chocolate,
the best pudding.

22
00:01:09,978 --> 00:01:12,139
You promised
you wouldn't do that anymore!

23
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,204
Hey, Hofstadter.

24
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:16,372
Hey, Kripke.

25
00:01:16,634 --> 00:01:18,966
Heard about your latest
anti-proton decay experiment.

26
00:01:19,091 --> 00:01:20,379
20,000 data runs

27
00:01:20,504 --> 00:01:23,134
and no statistically
significant results. Very impressive.

28
00:01:26,576 --> 00:01:27,508
What a jerk.

29
00:01:27,723 --> 00:01:30,775
Don't feel bad.
Negative results are still results.

30
00:01:31,501 --> 00:01:33,028
Even 20,000 of them.

31
00:01:33,153 --> 00:01:34,062
All right!

32
00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:37,273
Please don't cheer me up anymore.

33
00:01:37,441 --> 00:01:39,687
Don't let him get to you.
It's Kripke.

34
00:01:39,949 --> 00:01:41,849
He's a ginormous knob.

35
00:01:42,724 --> 00:01:44,160
That's why he eats by himself

36
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,652
instead of sitting here
at the cool table.

37
00:01:47,533 --> 00:01:48,754
For shizzle.

38
00:01:52,456 --> 00:01:56,266
It's true Kripke lacks the basic
social skills that we take for granted.

39
00:01:57,795 --> 00:02:00,172
But he also controls
the new open science grid computer

40
00:02:00,342 --> 00:02:02,325
that I need to use
to run some simulations

41
00:02:02,495 --> 00:02:04,454
of structure formation
in the early universe.

42
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,016
Good luck getting time on it.

43
00:02:06,186 --> 00:02:08,389
The only people he lets use it
are his friends.

44
00:02:08,559 --> 00:02:11,716
Then the solution is simple.
I shall befriend him.

45
00:02:16,664 --> 00:02:19,560
What would you say to the idea
of you and I becoming friends?

46
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:23,494
I would say I have no interest
in becoming your friend.

47
00:02:25,254 --> 00:02:26,170
Really?

48
00:02:26,399 --> 00:02:28,624
That seems rather shortsighted
coming from someone

49
00:02:28,794 --> 00:02:31,155
who is generally considered
altogether unlikable.

50
00:02:32,955 --> 00:02:34,831
Why don't you take some time
to reconsider?

51
00:02:35,216 --> 00:02:36,791
Yeah, I'll do that.

52
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,603
I think we're off
to a terrific start.

53
00:03:02,823 --> 00:03:04,659
Subtitles: sub-way.fr

54
00:03:08,643 --> 00:03:09,520
There you go.

55
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,805
Now any e-mail from Wolowitz
will go right into your spam folder.

56
00:03:14,222 --> 00:03:15,938
Thanks.
The e-mail doesn't bother me

57
00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:19,086
as much as the vacation pictures of him
in a bathing suit.

58
00:03:19,778 --> 00:03:21,599
Yeah, I got the same one,

59
00:03:21,795 --> 00:03:24,581
and that's not a bathing suit.
It's a tan line.

60
00:03:30,155 --> 00:03:32,458
Hello,
this is Sheldon Cooper.

61
00:03:32,862 --> 00:03:35,714
I am leaving a message
for Barry Kripke.

62
00:03:37,457 --> 00:03:40,362
It was pleasant
seeing you today in the cafeteria.

63
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:43,795
I saw that you purchased
the chef's salad.

64
00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:45,611
Apparently, you did not know

65
00:03:45,781 --> 00:03:49,146
that the chef's salad is kitchen
trickery to utilize scrap meat.

66
00:03:51,823 --> 00:03:53,933
Nevertheless,
I hope you enjoyed it.

67
00:03:54,226 --> 00:03:56,597
I'm following up
on our pending friendship

68
00:03:56,767 --> 00:04:00,317
and I look forward to hearing
from you regarding its status.

69
00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:02,633
Sheldon Cooper.

70
00:04:05,714 --> 00:04:07,476
What's up with Ichabod?

71
00:04:08,762 --> 00:04:10,420
He's trying to make
a new friend.

72
00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:12,165
Really?
Well, good for him.

73
00:04:12,448 --> 00:04:14,557
Unless he makes one out of wood
like Geppetto,

74
00:04:14,682 --> 00:04:16,718
I don't think it's gonna happen.

75
00:04:18,378 --> 00:04:19,928
How did you guys become friends?

76
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:23,330
There was a flyer on the bulletin board
at the university:

77
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:26,250
"Roommate wanted.
Whistlers need not apply."

78
00:04:27,758 --> 00:04:30,762
- And you moved in anyway?
- I assumed he was joking.

79
00:04:30,932 --> 00:04:34,605
You'd be surprised how many particle
physicists have a whimsical side.

80
00:04:35,746 --> 00:04:38,321
What about Howard and Raj?
How did he become friends with them?

81
00:04:38,491 --> 00:04:41,277
I don't know.
How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring?

82
00:04:41,554 --> 00:04:43,696
Proximity and valence electrons.

83
00:04:45,361 --> 00:04:47,711
Well, sure,
when you put it that way.

84
00:04:48,674 --> 00:04:50,623
But it all worked out, right?

85
00:04:50,793 --> 00:04:51,704
I suppose.

86
00:04:52,231 --> 00:04:53,915
I do miss whistling, though.

87
00:04:54,551 --> 00:04:56,060
Oh, come on. Really?

88
00:04:56,845 --> 00:04:58,130
First warning.

89
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,098
This is for you.

90
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,394
Hello, Sheldon.

91
00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:12,031
Hi.

92
00:05:15,333 --> 00:05:17,825
- What is this?
- It's a questionnaire I devised.

93
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:20,818
I'm having some difficulty
bonding with a colleague at work

94
00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:23,057
so I'm doing a little research
to better understand

95
00:05:23,182 --> 00:05:25,060
why my current friends like me.

96
00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:28,842
Yes, well, that is a good question.

97
00:05:29,775 --> 00:05:32,457
But is this really the best way
to figure it out?

98
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,417
I agree.

99
00:05:33,587 --> 00:05:35,702
The social sciences
are largely hokum.

100
00:05:35,827 --> 00:05:38,205
But short of putting
electrodes in your brain

101
00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:40,508
and monitoring your response
to my companionship,

102
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,264
this is the best I can do.

103
00:05:43,144 --> 00:05:44,392
Okay, "Question one:

104
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:46,765
"Rank the following aspects
of Sheldon Cooper

105
00:05:46,890 --> 00:05:49,224
"in order of appeal:
Intelligence;

106
00:05:49,573 --> 00:05:51,326
"ruthless attention to hygiene;

107
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,959
playfulness;
JAVA applet writing"?

108
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,389
I know, I may have started out
with a fairly obvious one;

109
00:05:59,514 --> 00:06:02,497
an aspect of my most appealing trait:
playfulness.

110
00:06:04,115 --> 00:06:05,872
Go ahead and rank that number one.

111
00:06:05,997 --> 00:06:07,785
I'm afraid you're on
your own for the rest.

112
00:06:07,954 --> 00:06:10,344
It should take you
no more than three hours.

113
00:06:10,469 --> 00:06:12,374
Wait. How many questions
are on this thing?

114
00:06:12,542 --> 00:06:13,625
Only 211.

115
00:06:15,345 --> 00:06:17,495
Don't worry.
In deference to you, I kept them all

116
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:19,463
at a high school graduate
reading level.

117
00:06:21,364 --> 00:06:22,341
Thanks, pal.

118
00:06:22,668 --> 00:06:24,319
You got it... buddy.

119
00:06:26,330 --> 00:06:29,224
Honey, did you ever consider
making friends by being,

120
00:06:29,545 --> 00:06:31,263
I don't know, pleasant?

121
00:06:32,389 --> 00:06:35,052
That's certainly
a thought-provoking hypothesis.

122
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:37,927
May I suggest it
as the topic for your essay?

123
00:06:44,124 --> 00:06:46,746
Your questionnaire,
very disappointing.

124
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,912
I answered every question.

125
00:06:52,175 --> 00:06:54,916
You answered the multiple choice
questions in a pattern:

126
00:06:55,143 --> 00:06:58,807
A-B-B-A-C.
A-B-B-A-C.

127
00:07:01,709 --> 00:07:03,565
Oh, you picked up on that?

128
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,009
How could I not?

129
00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:08,648
Come on.
There's over 200 questions.

130
00:07:08,773 --> 00:07:12,182
And look at some of these things.
"Sheldon is to camaraderie

131
00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:14,755
as the space shuttle is to blank?"

132
00:07:15,545 --> 00:07:17,587
There are a number
of acceptable answers.

133
00:07:17,712 --> 00:07:19,727
For example,
"C: Near-Earth transport."

134
00:07:19,852 --> 00:07:22,661
But certainly not
"B: Avocado rancher."

135
00:07:24,698 --> 00:07:26,948
And your essay suggesting
that I'd have better luck

136
00:07:27,073 --> 00:07:30,011
making friends if I wait
till the Cylons take over?

137
00:07:31,098 --> 00:07:32,098
Please.

138
00:07:33,049 --> 00:07:34,965
Hold on.
I put some real work into that.

139
00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:37,344
Yes, well, it's better
than what Wolowitz did.

140
00:07:37,469 --> 00:07:38,584
He drew a raccoon

141
00:07:38,754 --> 00:07:41,911
with what appears to be
a distended scrotum.

142
00:07:44,123 --> 00:07:45,658
It's kinda cute.

143
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,894
Until you get to the scrotum.

144
00:07:49,423 --> 00:07:52,097
What hope do I have
for establishing new relationships

145
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,456
given that my current friends
apparently could not take

146
00:07:54,581 --> 00:07:56,769
a few hours out of their lives
to help me?

147
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,870
I'm not going to defend
a big-balled raccoon.

148
00:08:00,651 --> 00:08:02,691
I don't see how you could.

149
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,778
What I'm trying to say is that
maybe you can't approach this

150
00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,779
as a purely intellectual exercise.

151
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:10,680
What do you mean?

152
00:08:12,602 --> 00:08:16,068
Remember when you tried
to learn how to swim using the Internet?

153
00:08:17,388 --> 00:08:19,125
I did learn how to swim.

154
00:08:19,914 --> 00:08:21,165
On the floor.

155
00:08:22,071 --> 00:08:24,168
The skills are transferable.

156
00:08:24,834 --> 00:08:27,341
I just have no interest
in going in the water.

157
00:08:27,587 --> 00:08:30,638
- Then why learn how to swim?
- The ice caps are melting.

158
00:08:30,763 --> 00:08:33,620
In the future, swimming
isn't going to be optional.

159
00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,633
But you do bring up
an interesting point.

160
00:08:36,758 --> 00:08:38,649
I don't have
to break new ground here.

161
00:08:38,774 --> 00:08:41,099
I'm sure much of the research
already exists.

162
00:08:41,224 --> 00:08:43,046
No, no, my point is,

163
00:08:43,171 --> 00:08:45,203
if you want to learn
how to make friends,

164
00:08:45,328 --> 00:08:47,819
then just go out to a coffee shop
or a museum.

165
00:08:48,137 --> 00:08:51,031
Meet people. Talk to them.
Take an interest in their lives.

166
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,326
That's insane on the face of it.

167
00:08:56,291 --> 00:08:58,422
- Where are we going?
- You're driving me to the mall.

168
00:08:58,547 --> 00:09:01,113
I'm going to acquire a book
that summarizes the current theories

169
00:09:01,238 --> 00:09:03,377
in the field of friend-making.

170
00:09:04,556 --> 00:09:08,163
Why don't you just lie down on the floor
and swim there?

171
00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:14,853
Coping with the Death
of a Loved One.

172
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,058
- My condolences.
- Thank you.

173
00:09:19,530 --> 00:09:20,853
Family or friend?

174
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,507
- Family.
- Too bad.

175
00:09:23,122 --> 00:09:26,166
If it had been a friend,
I'm available to fill the void.

176
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:34,381
It's just as well.
She smelled like mothballs.

177
00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:39,300
If you're gonna start sniffing people,
I'm gonna go get a hot pretzel.

178
00:09:40,742 --> 00:09:41,837
Excuse me.

179
00:09:41,962 --> 00:09:44,585
Do you have any books
about making friends?

180
00:09:45,155 --> 00:09:47,256
Yeah, but they're all
for little kids.

181
00:09:47,381 --> 00:09:49,966
I assume the skills can be
extrapolated and transferred.

182
00:09:50,588 --> 00:09:51,595
I guess.

183
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,997
They're right over there
by the wooden train set.

184
00:09:55,109 --> 00:09:56,508
I love trains.

185
00:09:58,704 --> 00:09:59,943
I bet you do.

186
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,360
My, that's awfully sticky.

187
00:10:08,544 --> 00:10:11,018
All right, let's see...

188
00:10:14,452 --> 00:10:16,878
Bernie Bunny Has Two Daddies Now.

189
00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:21,403
That's probably
about homosexual rabbits.

190
00:10:22,454 --> 00:10:25,466
Gerry the Gerbil
and the Bullies on the Bus.

191
00:10:26,048 --> 00:10:27,697
Read it. Not helpful.

192
00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:31,468
Here we go.

193
00:10:31,954 --> 00:10:34,603
<i>Stu the Cockatoo Is New at the Zoo.</i>

194
00:10:36,549 --> 00:10:40,335
"Author Sarah Carpenter
lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana

195
00:10:41,109 --> 00:10:43,452
"with her husband
and best friend, Mark,

196
00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:45,980
and their cockatoo Stu."

197
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,526
Hardly makes her an expert
in making friends, wouldn't you agree?

198
00:10:50,694 --> 00:10:52,779
I don't like birds. They scare me.

199
00:10:53,857 --> 00:10:54,857
Me, too.

200
00:10:56,832 --> 00:10:58,523
Most people don't see it.

201
00:11:01,602 --> 00:11:03,915
- What are you reading?
- <i>Curious George</i>.

202
00:11:04,255 --> 00:11:05,708
I do like monkeys.

203
00:11:06,302 --> 00:11:07,912
Curious George is a monkey.

204
00:11:08,037 --> 00:11:10,968
Somewhat anthropomorphized, but yes.

205
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,451
Say,

206
00:11:14,393 --> 00:11:16,862
maybe sometime you and I
could go see monkeys together.

207
00:11:16,987 --> 00:11:19,013
- Would you like that?
- Okay.

208
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,140
What are you doing?

209
00:11:21,954 --> 00:11:24,023
I'm making friends
with this little girl.

210
00:11:24,148 --> 00:11:25,812
- What's your name?
- Rebecca.

211
00:11:26,211 --> 00:11:28,167
Hi, Rebecca.
I'm your new friend, Sheldon.

212
00:11:28,534 --> 00:11:30,024
No, you're not. Let's go.

213
00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:34,335
- We were really hitting it off.
- Don't look up. There's cameras.

214
00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:41,098
I'm curious. In the "How well do
you know Sheldon" section,

215
00:11:41,223 --> 00:11:44,117
what did you put
for his favorite amino acid?

216
00:11:45,144 --> 00:11:46,163
Lysine.

217
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,121
Damn it, I had lysine
and changed it.

218
00:11:49,593 --> 00:11:50,938
Good, you're just in time.

219
00:11:51,063 --> 00:11:54,471
I believe I've isolated
the algorithm for making friends.

220
00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:58,214
Sheldon, there is no algorithm
for making friends.

221
00:11:58,382 --> 00:12:00,176
Hear him out.
If he's really onto something,

222
00:12:00,301 --> 00:12:03,132
we could open a booth at Comic-Con.
Make a fortune.

223
00:12:04,722 --> 00:12:07,580
See, my initial approach to Kripke
had the same deficiencies

224
00:12:07,705 --> 00:12:10,889
as those that plagued Stu the Cockatoo
when he was new at the zoo.

225
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:14,230
Stu the Cockatoo?

226
00:12:14,914 --> 00:12:16,157
He's new at the zoo.

227
00:12:17,216 --> 00:12:18,418
It's a terrific book.

228
00:12:18,543 --> 00:12:20,745
I've distilled its essence
into a simple flow chart

229
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,090
that will guide me
through the process.

230
00:12:23,466 --> 00:12:25,623
Have you thought about
putting him in a crate

231
00:12:25,748 --> 00:12:27,538
while you're out of the apartment?

232
00:12:28,612 --> 00:12:31,083
Hello, Kripke? Sheldon Cooper here.

233
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,221
It occurred to me
you hadn't returned any of my calls

234
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:36,610
because I hadn't offered
any concrete suggestions

235
00:12:36,735 --> 00:12:38,161
for pursuing our friendship.

236
00:12:38,286 --> 00:12:41,963
Perhaps the two of us might
share a meal together.

237
00:12:43,613 --> 00:12:44,592
I see.

238
00:12:44,717 --> 00:12:48,356
Well, then perhaps you'd have
time for a hot beverage?

239
00:12:49,151 --> 00:12:51,881
Popular choices include
tea, coffee, cocoa.

240
00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:53,895
I see.

241
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,560
No, wait. Don't hang up yet.

242
00:12:55,906 --> 00:12:58,005
What about a recreational activity?

243
00:12:58,130 --> 00:13:00,276
I bet we share
some common interests.

244
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:02,666
Tell me an interest of yours.

245
00:13:03,555 --> 00:13:04,573
Really?

246
00:13:04,698 --> 00:13:06,040
On actual horses?

247
00:13:08,429 --> 00:13:10,527
Tell me another interest of yours.

248
00:13:11,485 --> 00:13:15,163
I'm sorry. I have no desire to get
in the water till I absolutely have to.

249
00:13:15,817 --> 00:13:17,877
Tell me another interest of yours.

250
00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:21,074
- He's stuck in an infinite loop.
- I can fix it.

251
00:13:22,613 --> 00:13:26,597
Interesting, but isn't ventriloquism
by definition a solo activity?

252
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:30,389
Tell me another interest of yours.

253
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,531
Is there any chance
you like monkeys?

254
00:13:35,753 --> 00:13:38,463
What is wrong with you?
Everybody likes monkeys.

255
00:13:40,047 --> 00:13:41,290
Hang on, Kripke.

256
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,835
A loop counter

257
00:13:45,223 --> 00:13:47,990
and an escape
to the least objectionable activity.

258
00:13:48,159 --> 00:13:49,739
Howard, that's brilliant.

259
00:13:50,086 --> 00:13:51,878
I'm surprised you saw that.

260
00:13:53,712 --> 00:13:56,597
Gee, why can't Sheldon make friends?

261
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:01,161
All right, Kripke, that last interest
strikes me as the least objectionable,

262
00:14:01,286 --> 00:14:04,634
and I would like to propose
that we do that together.

263
00:14:05,041 --> 00:14:06,041
Tomorrow.

264
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,403
Yes, I'll pay.

265
00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:10,846
All right, good-bye.

266
00:14:11,337 --> 00:14:12,478
All right.

267
00:14:13,537 --> 00:14:15,289
Time to learn rock climbing.

268
00:14:23,979 --> 00:14:26,567
You know, I am a fan
of ventriloquism.

269
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,723
Maybe you, me and your dummy
could go get a hot beverage.

270
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,219
He could talk while you drink.

271
00:14:34,442 --> 00:14:36,539
Nope. I wanna climb some rocks.

272
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:43,296
This appears significantly

273
00:14:44,056 --> 00:14:46,562
more monolithic
than it did on my laptop.

274
00:14:47,863 --> 00:14:51,387
One expects to see hominids
learning to use bones as weapons.

275
00:14:52,752 --> 00:14:54,820
- You afraid of heights, Cooper?
- Hardly.

276
00:14:54,945 --> 00:14:56,837
A fear of heights is illogical.

277
00:14:57,408 --> 00:15:00,646
A fear of falling, on the other hand,
is prudent and evolutionary.

278
00:15:01,158 --> 00:15:04,317
What would you say is
the minimum altitude I need to achieve

279
00:15:04,485 --> 00:15:06,110
to cement our newfound friendship?

280
00:15:06,867 --> 00:15:09,530
They have birthday parties here.
Little kids climb this.

281
00:15:12,062 --> 00:15:13,855
Little kid hominids perhaps.

282
00:15:18,097 --> 00:15:19,707
So is this your entire job?

283
00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:22,681
Your parents must be so proud.

284
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,584
- Let's go, Cooper.
- I'm coming, Kripke.

285
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,438
The harness seems to be secure.

286
00:15:31,660 --> 00:15:33,432
A small amount of incontinence
just now,

287
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,735
but the Web site said
that's to be expected.

288
00:15:39,854 --> 00:15:41,158
This isn't so bad.

289
00:15:42,435 --> 00:15:44,248
It's like vertical swimming.

290
00:15:46,143 --> 00:15:47,047
Look at you.

291
00:15:47,172 --> 00:15:49,445
- You're almost halfway to the top.
- I am?

292
00:15:52,130 --> 00:15:53,230
I was wrong.

293
00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:55,491
It is a fear of heights.

294
00:15:56,119 --> 00:15:58,428
- You all right there, Cooper?
- Not really.

295
00:15:58,553 --> 00:16:00,466
I feel somewhat like
an inverse tangent function

296
00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:02,458
that's approached an asymptote.

297
00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:05,205
- Are you saying you're stuck?
- What part of inverse tangent function

298
00:16:05,330 --> 00:16:07,254
approaching an asymptote
did you not understand?

299
00:16:07,703 --> 00:16:09,883
I understood all of it.
I'm not a moron.

300
00:16:10,433 --> 00:16:11,697
Just keep going.

301
00:16:12,386 --> 00:16:15,137
- Yeah, I don't think I can.
- Well, then climb back down.

302
00:16:16,499 --> 00:16:18,618
No, that doesn't seem
any more likely.

303
00:16:19,785 --> 00:16:20,851
What's your plan?

304
00:16:21,505 --> 00:16:23,104
Well, it's not exactly a plan,

305
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:25,284
but I think I'm going to pass out.

306
00:16:35,935 --> 00:16:37,993
Sorry, can we please
just do it one more time?

307
00:16:39,644 --> 00:16:41,831
One, two, one, two, three, and...

308
00:16:56,273 --> 00:16:59,003
It's a little thing,
but you really do miss it.

309
00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:01,171
Hello, everyone.

310
00:17:01,296 --> 00:17:04,645
I brought my new friend
Barry Kripke home for dinner.

311
00:17:07,436 --> 00:17:08,691
Hello to you, too.

312
00:17:09,473 --> 00:17:11,920
- How was rock climbing?
- He passed out.

313
00:17:12,409 --> 00:17:14,613
Just hung there like a big salami.

314
00:17:16,516 --> 00:17:17,992
That's where I sit.

315
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:21,245
You have a special spot?
What kind of wacko are you?

316
00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:24,121
How much time you got?

317
00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:27,251
You want some Chinese food?

318
00:17:27,419 --> 00:17:29,587
Terrific. Got any dental floss?

319
00:17:30,178 --> 00:17:31,380
In the bathroom.

320
00:17:31,727 --> 00:17:32,806
Be right back.

321
00:17:33,121 --> 00:17:35,318
I got to floss the Indian food
out of my teeth

322
00:17:35,443 --> 00:17:37,012
if I'm gonna eat Chinese.

323
00:17:38,913 --> 00:17:40,264
Sheldon, are you okay?

324
00:17:40,971 --> 00:17:42,743
Yes, I pass out all the time,

325
00:17:43,872 --> 00:17:45,044
but it was worth it.

326
00:17:45,169 --> 00:17:47,570
I've made substantial progress
in bonding with Kripke,

327
00:17:47,695 --> 00:17:50,232
which brings me
to an awkward moment.

328
00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:51,413
What's that?

329
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,277
Maintaing five friendships

330
00:17:53,445 --> 00:17:55,854
promises to be
a Herculean task, so...

331
00:17:57,037 --> 00:17:59,283
I'm going to have
to let one of you go.

332
00:18:01,745 --> 00:18:03,515
Me, me, let it be me.

333
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,203
Leonard, you are my roommate,

334
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:09,752
my source of transportation,

335
00:18:09,921 --> 00:18:13,296
and you help me fold my sheets
when they come out of the dryer.

336
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,444
You are safe.

337
00:18:17,237 --> 00:18:19,112
- Can I whistle?
- Don't be silly.

338
00:18:21,551 --> 00:18:23,182
You do not have a PhD;

339
00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:26,602
your cologne is
an assault on the senses;

340
00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:30,439
and you're not available for video games
during the Jewish high holidays.

341
00:18:31,823 --> 00:18:33,310
Guilty as charged. I'm out.

342
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,247
You too are safe.

343
00:18:37,239 --> 00:18:39,405
Come on. What do I have to do?

344
00:18:40,701 --> 00:18:42,763
Okay, you know what?
I see where this is going.

345
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,788
I'm not one of you guys.
I'm not a scientist, so just tell me...

346
00:18:45,956 --> 00:18:48,958
Everything you're saying is true,
but please allow me to continue.

347
00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:51,949
You're out.

348
00:18:56,894 --> 00:18:58,320
That's a good question.

349
00:18:58,952 --> 00:19:01,220
While you do provide
a certain cultural diversity

350
00:19:01,389 --> 00:19:02,888
to an otherwise homogenous group,

351
00:19:03,056 --> 00:19:05,808
your responses to the questionnaire
were truly disturbing.

352
00:19:06,165 --> 00:19:09,852
How could you for a moment think
my favorite amino acid is glutamine?

353
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,149
He had lysine, but changed it.

354
00:19:14,615 --> 00:19:16,449
Shoulda, woulda, coulda, Raj.

355
00:19:19,687 --> 00:19:21,297
I like to floss before I eat

356
00:19:21,664 --> 00:19:23,905
so my gum pockets are open
for new food.

357
00:19:32,024 --> 00:19:33,816
How did I walk past you?

358
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:35,337
I'm Barry.

359
00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:38,340
That's not a very hot name.

360
00:19:39,885 --> 00:19:41,719
I'm going to call you Roxanne.

361
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,555
Pot stickers.

362
00:19:46,312 --> 00:19:48,642
Suddenly, I'm looking
pretty good, huh?

363
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,152
So, Kripke, I was wondering
if there's any chance

364
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:58,758
you could get me some time
on the open science grid computer?

365
00:20:01,807 --> 00:20:02,907
But we're friends.

366
00:20:03,782 --> 00:20:04,740
I'm sorry.

367
00:20:04,865 --> 00:20:06,756
No, my friend.

368
00:20:08,692 --> 00:20:10,829
I'm confused.
I was given to understand

369
00:20:10,954 --> 00:20:13,709
that you allow your friends
time on the machine.

370
00:20:13,877 --> 00:20:15,003
No, that's wrong.

371
00:20:15,128 --> 00:20:17,504
There's an official schedule.
I have no control over it.

372
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,193
This entire endeavor seems
to have been an exercise in futility.

373
00:20:27,052 --> 00:20:28,601
Raj, you're back in.

374
00:20:31,738 --> 00:20:33,103
He likes monkeys.

375
00:20:38,073 --> 00:20:40,823
You've got to give him credit
for sticking with it.

376
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,573
I didn't think he had it in him.

377
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,611
And he almost made it
to the top this time.