1
00:00:01,394 --> 00:00:03,295
The math is all there.
2
00:00:03,297 --> 00:00:05,313
It's not real.
Yes, it is.
3
00:00:05,315 --> 00:00:08,550
Yeah... uh, look.
It is scientifically impossible
4
00:00:08,552 --> 00:00:10,735
for a person to tip a cow.
5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,355
Even you, with your stocky build
6
00:00:13,357 --> 00:00:15,557
and lumberjack shoulders,
you couldn't do it.
7
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,226
It's horrible. Why would
you push a cow over?
8
00:00:18,228 --> 00:00:19,194
They're sacred.
9
00:00:19,196 --> 00:00:20,445
Oh, stop it.
10
00:00:20,447 --> 00:00:22,414
I've seen you eat,
like, a million hamburgers.
11
00:00:22,416 --> 00:00:25,500
Hey, an animal can be both
sacred and delicious.
12
00:00:26,586 --> 00:00:28,169
Look, I'm telling you
I've done it, okay?
13
00:00:28,171 --> 00:00:29,904
I clearly remember
the cow standing up
14
00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:31,456
and then the cow on its side.
15
00:00:31,458 --> 00:00:33,375
Were you drunk?
16
00:00:33,377 --> 00:00:36,911
I was 16 in Nebraska.
What do you think?
17
00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:39,848
I think you're the one
who fell over.
18
00:00:39,850 --> 00:00:44,469
That would explain why the sky
was also on its side.
19
00:00:44,471 --> 00:00:45,637
Hey.
20
00:00:45,639 --> 00:00:48,089
Howard. Cow tipping:
real or not?
21
00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:50,475
Mmm. I'm gonna say... not.
22
00:00:50,477 --> 00:00:52,561
That's just based on me
trying to roll
23
00:00:52,563 --> 00:00:54,696
my mom over
when she's snoring.
24
00:00:55,898 --> 00:00:58,900
Speaking of that big
side of beef,
25
00:00:58,902 --> 00:01:02,203
uh, she's invited all of you
to Thanksgiving at her house.
26
00:01:02,205 --> 00:01:03,271
Aw.
27
00:01:03,273 --> 00:01:05,206
Mmm.
28
00:01:05,208 --> 00:01:07,125
You know, I've been told
that a bald refusal
29
00:01:07,127 --> 00:01:09,461
of an invitation is rude
and one must instead
30
00:01:09,463 --> 00:01:11,246
offer up a polite excuse, so...
31
00:01:11,248 --> 00:01:13,715
I'd love to go,
but, unfortunately,
32
00:01:13,717 --> 00:01:15,584
that sounds awful.
33
00:01:19,071 --> 00:01:21,039
Come on, it'll be fun.
34
00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:22,390
Uh, we were actually
gonna do it here.
35
00:01:22,392 --> 00:01:24,142
Please? Bernadette's
bringing her dad
36
00:01:24,144 --> 00:01:25,260
'cause her mom's out of town,
37
00:01:25,262 --> 00:01:27,395
and I never have anything
to say to that guy.
38
00:01:27,397 --> 00:01:29,797
Oh, since you put it that way,
I'd love to go,
39
00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:31,483
but that sounds even more awful.
40
00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:33,969
It'd actually be nice
to not hear
41
00:01:33,971 --> 00:01:35,737
Sheldon complain
about my cooking all day.
42
00:01:35,739 --> 00:01:37,155
Yo... uh,
excuse me,
43
00:01:37,157 --> 00:01:40,025
but every year
you prepare a terrible meal
44
00:01:40,027 --> 00:01:42,160
and every year I criticize it.
45
00:01:42,162 --> 00:01:44,479
Do our traditions
mean nothing to you?
46
00:01:46,649 --> 00:01:48,199
I want to go.
Yeah, me, too.
47
00:01:48,201 --> 00:01:49,584
I'm in.
Sheldon.
48
00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:52,037
Ugh, fine,
I'll go.
49
00:01:52,039 --> 00:01:54,489
But if her food is delicious,
Thanksgiving is ruined,
50
00:01:54,491 --> 00:01:55,657
and it's on you.
51
00:01:57,376 --> 00:02:01,012
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:04,349
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:02:04,351 --> 00:02:06,000
♪ The Earth began to cool
54
00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:08,536
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:02:08,538 --> 00:02:11,189
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:02:11,191 --> 00:02:13,875
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:02:13,877 --> 00:02:15,777
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:02:15,779 --> 00:02:17,746
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:02:18,131 --> 00:02:22,131
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x09 ♪
The Thanksgiving Decoupling
Original Air Date on November 21, 2013
60
00:02:22,132 --> 00:02:27,132
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
61
00:02:27,158 --> 00:02:29,613
Do we really have to go
to Mrs. Wolowitz's house?
62
00:02:30,161 --> 00:02:31,495
We do.
63
00:02:31,497 --> 00:02:34,314
And I expect you
to be on your best behavior.
64
00:02:34,316 --> 00:02:37,534
Now I know how the
African slaves felt.
65
00:02:39,137 --> 00:02:40,721
Being dragged
from their homes
66
00:02:40,723 --> 00:02:44,124
to labor under the
yoke of the white man.
67
00:02:44,126 --> 00:02:47,294
Are you honestly comparing
Thanksgiving dinner
68
00:02:47,296 --> 00:02:50,047
at Wolowitz's mom's with
one of the greatest tragedies
69
00:02:50,049 --> 00:02:51,765
in the history of mankind?
70
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,835
Yes.
71
00:02:54,837 --> 00:02:56,887
Sheldon, you can have
a nice Thanksgiving anywhere.
72
00:02:56,889 --> 00:02:58,355
I spent one in Vegas.
73
00:02:58,357 --> 00:02:59,339
You did?
74
00:02:59,341 --> 00:03:01,341
Yeah, back when
I was dating Zack.
75
00:03:01,343 --> 00:03:02,976
It was actually more fun
than I thought.
76
00:03:02,978 --> 00:03:05,529
We gambled, we went to one
of those cheesy wedding chapels,
77
00:03:05,531 --> 00:03:07,147
we had a really good
turkey dinner.
78
00:03:07,149 --> 00:03:10,350
Which was surprising,
since we were at a strip club.
79
00:03:11,686 --> 00:03:13,203
Wait, you went
to a chapel?
80
00:03:13,205 --> 00:03:14,571
Yeah.
Why?
81
00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:17,524
We had one of those
silly fake weddings.
82
00:03:21,279 --> 00:03:22,512
Penny...
83
00:03:22,514 --> 00:03:24,731
you know those are real, right?
84
00:03:24,733 --> 00:03:27,217
No, they're not.
85
00:03:28,169 --> 00:03:29,369
Yeah, they are.
86
00:03:30,905 --> 00:03:32,422
No, they're not.
87
00:03:32,424 --> 00:03:34,040
Yeah, they are.
88
00:03:34,042 --> 00:03:35,709
He's right.
They're real.
89
00:03:37,228 --> 00:03:40,314
But it... didn't seem real.
90
00:03:41,265 --> 00:03:42,649
Let me ask you
a question.
91
00:03:42,651 --> 00:03:47,988
At any point, was
Las Vegas on its side?
92
00:03:51,009 --> 00:03:52,693
Hi, Dad.
93
00:03:52,695 --> 00:03:54,027
Hi, honey.
94
00:03:55,363 --> 00:03:57,331
Oh, you brought beer
for everybody.
95
00:03:57,333 --> 00:04:00,834
Uh, okay, yeah,
it's for everybody.
96
00:04:03,788 --> 00:04:06,490
I really just wanted to have
a nice, quiet day at home
97
00:04:06,492 --> 00:04:07,858
and watch the game.
98
00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:10,293
You can have a quiet day
and watch the game here.
99
00:04:10,295 --> 00:04:13,797
Howard,
the medicine's not working!
100
00:04:14,882 --> 00:04:16,867
You just took it.
101
00:04:16,869 --> 00:04:19,369
At least let it
reach your first stomach!
102
00:04:23,591 --> 00:04:25,192
Hey, Mike.
103
00:04:25,194 --> 00:04:26,393
Let me help you out, there.
104
00:04:26,395 --> 00:04:28,528
Thanks. What's wrong
with your mom?
105
00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:29,896
Oh, her gout's flaring up.
106
00:04:29,898 --> 00:04:33,033
Turns out an apple pie a day
does not keep the doctor away.
107
00:04:34,569 --> 00:04:36,703
How can one little toe
hurt so bad?
108
00:04:38,106 --> 00:04:42,959
Maybe because that little piggy
is being crushed by the barn!
109
00:04:44,128 --> 00:04:46,213
She should
quiet down soon.
110
00:04:46,215 --> 00:04:49,216
I gave her enough pain meds
to choke a... well, her.
111
00:04:51,719 --> 00:04:53,704
I guess we're gonna
have to do all the cooking.
112
00:04:53,706 --> 00:04:54,888
I have a better idea.
113
00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:56,223
If you think you're
gonna make me
114
00:04:56,225 --> 00:04:57,641
do all this by myself,
you're crazy.
115
00:04:57,643 --> 00:04:59,509
I was gonna make Raj
do it all by himself.
116
00:04:59,511 --> 00:05:00,960
Oh, well, that's
a great idea.
117
00:05:03,815 --> 00:05:05,982
No traffic,
we're sailing.
118
00:05:05,984 --> 00:05:07,100
Yes.
119
00:05:07,102 --> 00:05:08,935
Like we're on a ship.
120
00:05:10,238 --> 00:05:12,656
Coming from Africa to America.
121
00:05:14,942 --> 00:05:17,611
Sheldon, that's
completely inappropriate.
122
00:05:17,613 --> 00:05:20,480
You can't keep comparing
yourself to a slave.
123
00:05:21,666 --> 00:05:23,166
Yes, Miss Amy.
124
00:05:26,287 --> 00:05:28,171
I can't believe you're
married to that idiot.
125
00:05:28,173 --> 00:05:30,657
Ugh, would you stop?
We just did it as a goof.
126
00:05:30,659 --> 00:05:32,209
Well, a goof or not,
you're actually married.
127
00:05:32,211 --> 00:05:34,010
You need to get
this taken care of.
128
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,463
I will. Why are you
making this such a big deal?
129
00:05:36,465 --> 00:05:38,598
Oh, oh, oh, I have a reason.
130
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,518
It could be because
you said yes to marrying Zack,
131
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,136
but every time
Leonard's proposed,
132
00:05:43,138 --> 00:05:44,638
he's gotten a resounding no.
133
00:05:46,691 --> 00:05:49,810
Yeah, that's just
off the top of my head.
134
00:05:49,812 --> 00:05:51,645
So how do I undo this?
135
00:05:51,647 --> 00:05:53,146
I'm hoping you can
get an annulment.
136
00:05:53,148 --> 00:05:54,698
It's just like
it never happened.
137
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,399
Great, well, what
do I have to do?
138
00:05:56,401 --> 00:05:58,068
It says here you can
get an annulment
139
00:05:58,070 --> 00:05:59,870
if any of the following
conditions are met.
140
00:05:59,872 --> 00:06:01,872
"Were you unable
to consummate the marriage?"
141
00:06:01,874 --> 00:06:03,824
Penny? Next.
142
00:06:05,693 --> 00:06:08,328
"Is there any evidence
of fraud, bigamy,
143
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:09,913
want of understanding?"
144
00:06:09,915 --> 00:06:10,964
"Want of understanding?"
145
00:06:10,966 --> 00:06:11,998
What does that even mean?
146
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,034
Ding, ding, ding.
We have a winner.
147
00:06:16,203 --> 00:06:17,754
Thanks for saving the day.
148
00:06:17,756 --> 00:06:18,872
Ah, no problem.
149
00:06:18,874 --> 00:06:20,039
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving
150
00:06:20,041 --> 00:06:23,209
without an Indian
providing the food.
151
00:06:24,846 --> 00:06:27,213
Uh, now, where does your mom
keep the Crisco?
152
00:06:27,215 --> 00:06:28,348
Um, I don't know.
153
00:06:28,350 --> 00:06:30,183
Probably in a wad in her cheek.
154
00:06:31,853 --> 00:06:34,604
I'll help Raj in here. Why don't
you go keep my dad company?
155
00:06:34,606 --> 00:06:37,073
Oh, he doesn't want me in there.
I'm the creepy little guy
156
00:06:37,075 --> 00:06:39,392
who has sex with his daughter.
157
00:06:41,546 --> 00:06:43,997
Don't be silly, he loves you.
Does he?
158
00:06:43,999 --> 00:06:46,533
Okay, he cares about you a lot.
Really?
159
00:06:46,535 --> 00:06:49,619
I do crap for you
all the time. Get out there.
160
00:06:55,243 --> 00:06:59,045
So your wife's in Arizona
with the grandkids?
161
00:06:59,047 --> 00:07:00,714
Uh-huh.
162
00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:05,251
- You know, my mom's been to...
- Arizona.
163
00:07:05,253 --> 00:07:07,938
She rode one of those mules
down in the Grand Canyon.
164
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:10,607
Long story short,
they had to shoot it.
165
00:07:15,196 --> 00:07:17,096
'Cause she's so fat.
166
00:07:21,570 --> 00:07:24,037
I'll get the door
while you finish laughing.
167
00:07:27,325 --> 00:07:28,825
Hey, guys.
168
00:07:28,827 --> 00:07:29,826
Happy Thanksgiving.
169
00:07:29,828 --> 00:07:31,411
It smells wonderful.
170
00:07:31,413 --> 00:07:33,663
Is anyone slaving away
in the kitchen?
171
00:07:33,665 --> 00:07:35,114
Because I, too, know...
Sheldon.
172
00:07:37,418 --> 00:07:39,252
Here. Thank you for having us.
173
00:07:39,254 --> 00:07:40,286
What's with you?
174
00:07:40,288 --> 00:07:41,471
Oh, she's mad at me
175
00:07:41,473 --> 00:07:43,840
because she just found out
she's married to Zack.
176
00:07:43,842 --> 00:07:44,841
Really?
177
00:07:44,843 --> 00:07:46,810
That dumb-ass
she used to date?
178
00:07:46,812 --> 00:07:49,429
That's hysterical.
179
00:07:49,431 --> 00:07:52,933
I can't believe I felt bad
for opening this in the car.
180
00:07:58,189 --> 00:07:59,940
You need any help?
181
00:07:59,942 --> 00:08:02,609
Uh, yeah, can you, uh, reach
that, uh, gravy boat up there?
182
00:08:02,611 --> 00:08:03,977
Uh, sure.
Great.
183
00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:06,246
That makes one of you.
184
00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:10,984
Okay, we have a lot to do
and not much time to do it.
185
00:08:10,986 --> 00:08:13,587
Bernadette, you're on corn,
gravy and yam detail.
186
00:08:13,589 --> 00:08:14,988
Amy, you're on
rolls, cranberries
187
00:08:14,990 --> 00:08:17,350
and making sure Bernadette stays
away from the marshmallows.
188
00:08:18,542 --> 00:08:20,961
That's right, I see you.
189
00:08:22,179 --> 00:08:23,780
Okay, if you have
any questions,
190
00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:25,482
I'll be over here
basting my ass off.
191
00:08:25,484 --> 00:08:27,550
Focus is key.
192
00:08:27,552 --> 00:08:30,220
Did you guys know Penny
married Zack three years ago?
193
00:08:30,222 --> 00:08:32,022
What?
Wha...?
194
00:08:37,511 --> 00:08:39,012
You ever play football?
195
00:08:39,014 --> 00:08:40,614
A little in college.
196
00:08:40,616 --> 00:08:41,648
You?
197
00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:42,782
No.
198
00:08:42,784 --> 00:08:45,452
But I did get tackled
in the hallway once.
199
00:08:47,289 --> 00:08:50,156
The whole school cheered.
200
00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:54,210
Hey, I found the,
uh, court papers
201
00:08:54,212 --> 00:08:55,695
that you and Zack
need to fill out.
202
00:08:55,697 --> 00:08:57,414
I'll print them when we get home.
Fine.
203
00:08:57,416 --> 00:08:59,699
And we can just put this
whole thing behind us.
204
00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:00,667
Are you done?
205
00:09:00,669 --> 00:09:02,469
What?
Look, I get it, I screwed up.
206
00:09:02,471 --> 00:09:04,170
Is this all we're gonna talk
about the rest of the day?
207
00:09:04,172 --> 00:09:05,422
Why are you mad at me?
208
00:09:05,424 --> 00:09:07,090
You're the one that
did the stupid thing.
209
00:09:07,092 --> 00:09:08,725
I'm just trying to fix it.
Ugh!
210
00:09:08,727 --> 00:09:10,126
I need some air.
211
00:09:10,128 --> 00:09:11,678
Well... Penny.
212
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,546
Now, I don't know the
first thing about women,
213
00:09:13,548 --> 00:09:15,382
but I would not follow her.
214
00:09:18,352 --> 00:09:20,570
Listen to Stretch.
215
00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,716
How am I
the bad guy?
216
00:09:31,718 --> 00:09:34,485
She's the one who married
someone else. I'm the victim.
217
00:09:34,487 --> 00:09:38,239
Sounds like Zack's the victim.
You're sleeping with his wife.
218
00:09:40,192 --> 00:09:43,327
I've kept my marriage
together for 35 years.
219
00:09:43,329 --> 00:09:44,812
Can I weigh in here?
220
00:09:44,814 --> 00:09:45,913
Sure.
221
00:09:45,915 --> 00:09:47,981
I'm trying to watch the game.
Shut up.
222
00:09:49,484 --> 00:09:51,018
Oh!
223
00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:54,021
How do you not make
a first down there?
224
00:09:54,023 --> 00:09:55,790
They passed against
a nickel defense.
225
00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:57,558
They should have run it
off-tackle.
226
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,196
How the hell
do you know that?
227
00:10:02,198 --> 00:10:03,831
My father loved football.
228
00:10:03,833 --> 00:10:05,549
He always made me watch it
229
00:10:05,551 --> 00:10:08,319
before I was allowed
to do my homework.
230
00:10:08,321 --> 00:10:09,336
Well, you'll
be happy
231
00:10:09,338 --> 00:10:10,838
to know I just
spoke to Zack
232
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,523
and he's willing to
sign the court papers.
233
00:10:12,525 --> 00:10:13,841
He's on his way here now.
234
00:10:13,843 --> 00:10:16,677
Wait, you invited him here?
Yeah.
235
00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:18,512
I'm getting ready
to weigh in again.
236
00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:20,180
Come on.
237
00:10:21,116 --> 00:10:23,868
What do you think
they ought to do now?
238
00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:26,186
I would throw a quick slant
to a wideout,
239
00:10:26,188 --> 00:10:28,656
given that the defense
is showing blitz.
240
00:10:28,658 --> 00:10:31,792
Oh, I love a good blitz,
especially with sour cream.
241
00:10:34,379 --> 00:10:36,130
Get it?
242
00:10:36,132 --> 00:10:38,499
'Cause it sounds like "blintz."
243
00:10:39,384 --> 00:10:41,752
Did someone say "blintz"?!
244
00:10:42,921 --> 00:10:44,037
I just don't
understand
245
00:10:44,039 --> 00:10:45,539
why you invited
him here today.
246
00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:46,640
Because you wouldn't
shut up about it.
247
00:10:46,642 --> 00:10:48,142
When I called him,
he had nothing to do,
248
00:10:48,144 --> 00:10:49,176
so I just thought it would...
249
00:10:49,178 --> 00:10:50,978
Hey, guys, I'm trying
to cook in here.
250
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,313
Oh, sorry.
We'll keep it down.
251
00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:55,065
No, no, speak up.
252
00:10:55,067 --> 00:10:56,517
I'm about to use the blender,
253
00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,319
and I don't want
to miss anything.
254
00:10:59,154 --> 00:11:01,221
Well, you might have
to cook for one more
255
00:11:01,223 --> 00:11:02,406
because she
invited Zack.
256
00:11:02,408 --> 00:11:04,241
- What?
- Ooh!
257
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:07,227
My, my.
258
00:11:07,229 --> 00:11:10,831
The plot, like my gravy,
thickens.
259
00:11:15,187 --> 00:11:17,421
I don't care for your
mother's bathroom.
260
00:11:17,423 --> 00:11:19,623
There's not an angle
to do one's business
261
00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:22,242
without a clown figurine
staring at you.
262
00:11:23,628 --> 00:11:26,013
That's why I sit.
263
00:11:26,015 --> 00:11:28,432
Yeah, that's why.
264
00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:32,770
You remember
the Thanksgiving game
265
00:11:32,772 --> 00:11:34,755
when it snowed
in Dallas?
266
00:11:34,757 --> 00:11:38,392
1993-- Leon Lett blew the game
in the final seconds
267
00:11:38,394 --> 00:11:40,361
and the Dolphins
emerged victorious.
268
00:11:40,363 --> 00:11:43,364
Then I finally got to do
my calculus.
269
00:11:43,366 --> 00:11:46,817
I was so pissed,
I wanted to shoot my TV.
270
00:11:46,819 --> 00:11:48,736
So was my dad.
271
00:11:48,738 --> 00:11:51,038
And then he did.
272
00:11:51,957 --> 00:11:53,874
Anyone need a beer?
Yeah.
273
00:11:53,876 --> 00:11:56,276
Thank God.
274
00:11:56,278 --> 00:11:59,213
So, does your dad
still live in Texas?
275
00:11:59,215 --> 00:12:01,832
No. He died when I was 14.
276
00:12:03,018 --> 00:12:05,002
I'm sorry to hear that.
277
00:12:05,004 --> 00:12:07,721
So was the man who owned
the local liquor store.
278
00:12:09,007 --> 00:12:12,193
He cried and cried.
279
00:12:12,195 --> 00:12:13,894
Here you go.
280
00:12:13,896 --> 00:12:15,930
Oh, thanks.
281
00:12:15,932 --> 00:12:18,732
So, if your dad died
when you were 14,
282
00:12:18,734 --> 00:12:21,902
you were never old enough
to have a beer with the man.
283
00:12:21,904 --> 00:12:23,187
No, sir.
284
00:12:23,189 --> 00:12:26,156
He did try to give me one
for my high school graduation,
285
00:12:26,158 --> 00:12:29,493
but I was 11 and my mom said no.
286
00:12:33,632 --> 00:12:36,000
Well, you're having one with me.
287
00:12:40,755 --> 00:12:42,373
All right.
288
00:12:44,009 --> 00:12:45,676
To your dad.
289
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:53,217
I never had a beer
with my dad, either.
290
00:12:56,504 --> 00:12:59,223
Do you mind?
We're having a moment here.
291
00:13:06,982 --> 00:13:09,233
I can't believe Penny's
married to Zack.
292
00:13:09,235 --> 00:13:10,935
Wonder what she saw
in that guy.
293
00:13:10,937 --> 00:13:12,436
I don't know.
294
00:13:12,438 --> 00:13:14,455
He's sweet, he's tall, handsome.
295
00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:16,373
Broad shoulders, good hair.
296
00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,909
Hmm. Wonder what she
sees in Leonard.
297
00:13:22,013 --> 00:13:23,497
How's it going out there?
298
00:13:23,499 --> 00:13:27,217
Sheldon and your dad are bonding
and completely ignoring me.
299
00:13:27,219 --> 00:13:29,303
I know how you feel.
300
00:13:29,305 --> 00:13:33,140
Sheldon ignored me for a week
when he got that Roomba vacuum.
301
00:13:34,542 --> 00:13:36,877
I kick it when he's not looking.
302
00:13:38,930 --> 00:13:40,230
What are they doing?
303
00:13:40,232 --> 00:13:44,685
They're drinking beer
and watching football.
304
00:13:44,687 --> 00:13:46,053
They don't want me.
305
00:13:46,055 --> 00:13:47,154
What do you mean?
306
00:13:47,156 --> 00:13:48,639
Well, Sheldon
started talking
307
00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:50,941
about how his dad
isn't alive anymore,
308
00:13:50,943 --> 00:13:52,392
and they were toasting,
and I tried
309
00:13:52,394 --> 00:13:53,861
to tell them about how sad I was
310
00:13:53,863 --> 00:13:54,995
when my dad abandoned...
311
00:13:54,997 --> 00:13:56,847
Zack's here!
312
00:13:56,849 --> 00:13:59,116
Stir the gravy.
313
00:14:01,369 --> 00:14:03,537
Sorry. I really want
to hear how sad you are.
314
00:14:03,539 --> 00:14:05,956
I'll be back in like five,
ten minutes.
315
00:14:10,011 --> 00:14:12,546
Sorry she made you come
over here on a holiday.
316
00:14:12,548 --> 00:14:14,598
It's all right.
I didn't have anything going on.
317
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,216
Plus, Penny told me
we're married,
318
00:14:16,218 --> 00:14:18,836
and Thanksgiving's a time
to be with family.
319
00:14:19,721 --> 00:14:20,688
Yeah, okay, great.
320
00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:21,890
Can we just get
this over with?
321
00:14:21,891 --> 00:14:24,808
Yeah, uh, you guys
have to sign here and here.
322
00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:26,610
On Monday, we'll file
for the annulment,
323
00:14:26,612 --> 00:14:28,445
and this "marriage"
will be over.
324
00:14:28,447 --> 00:14:29,780
Okay.
325
00:14:29,782 --> 00:14:32,232
I don't know
if I want to sign it.
326
00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:34,451
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
327
00:14:36,454 --> 00:14:37,871
Why won't you sign it?
328
00:14:37,873 --> 00:14:41,608
I just think splitting up
can be rough on kids.
329
00:14:42,494 --> 00:14:43,744
We don't have any kids.
330
00:14:43,746 --> 00:14:45,379
Are you sure?
'Cause you didn't know
331
00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:47,131
we were married
until this morning.
332
00:14:49,384 --> 00:14:50,834
Okay, look, Zack, come on.
333
00:14:50,836 --> 00:14:53,003
You know neither of us
thought this was real.
334
00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:55,973
I mean, we were married
by an Elvis impersonator.
335
00:14:55,975 --> 00:14:57,457
Of course it was
an impersonator.
336
00:14:57,459 --> 00:15:00,144
We could never afford
a real Elvis.
337
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,848
You married him
instead of me?
338
00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,650
Good call.
339
00:15:06,652 --> 00:15:08,235
Sign the papers.
340
00:15:08,237 --> 00:15:09,520
Hang on.
You know what?
341
00:15:09,522 --> 00:15:11,405
You have been a jerk
about this all day.
342
00:15:11,407 --> 00:15:12,906
You always do this--
whenever I mess up,
343
00:15:12,908 --> 00:15:14,908
you're right there to make me
feel even worse about it.
344
00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:15,976
That is not true.
345
00:15:15,978 --> 00:15:17,144
Yeah, we could've
waited till Monday,
346
00:15:17,146 --> 00:15:18,696
signed the papers,
this all would have been over.
347
00:15:18,698 --> 00:15:20,280
You're the one who
invited him here.
348
00:15:20,282 --> 00:15:21,865
Oh, there you go again--
just another mistake
349
00:15:21,867 --> 00:15:22,916
you're throwing in my face.
350
00:15:22,918 --> 00:15:24,651
Not cool, bro.
351
00:15:26,454 --> 00:15:27,921
I'm starting to think
352
00:15:27,923 --> 00:15:30,541
you're not the kind of guy
I want dating my wife.
353
00:15:32,377 --> 00:15:34,327
Yeah, well,
354
00:15:34,329 --> 00:15:35,929
she's not gonna be
your wife for long.
355
00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:38,832
Oh, no. Are you dying?
356
00:15:39,684 --> 00:15:41,885
I'm about to. Sign the paper.
357
00:15:43,671 --> 00:15:47,608
Know what they say:
"Happy wife, happy life."
358
00:15:48,810 --> 00:15:50,360
Let's eat.
359
00:15:53,782 --> 00:15:58,652
Two, three,
eight, four, six.
360
00:16:01,456 --> 00:16:03,490
That's all I can do
without throwing up.
361
00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:06,693
That is not what I expected
362
00:16:06,695 --> 00:16:09,663
when you said you
were gonna burp "pie."
363
00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:13,584
Did somebody say "pie"?!
364
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:16,170
I don't know what's scarier:
365
00:16:16,172 --> 00:16:17,671
the bathroom clowns
366
00:16:17,673 --> 00:16:20,474
or the woman
that put them there.
367
00:16:21,542 --> 00:16:25,212
All I know is you can only fit
one of her in a car.
368
00:16:28,349 --> 00:16:30,067
And there's the clown
that came out of her.
369
00:16:35,056 --> 00:16:37,524
I really didn't want
to come here,
370
00:16:37,526 --> 00:16:39,443
but this is shaping up to be
371
00:16:39,445 --> 00:16:41,995
one of the best Thanksgivings
I've had in a long time.
372
00:16:41,997 --> 00:16:44,231
Me, too.
373
00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:47,234
Hey. Howie says you've been
making fun of him all day!
374
00:16:47,236 --> 00:16:48,418
Now, both of you
apologize
375
00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:50,087
right now!
376
00:16:50,955 --> 00:16:53,123
She's so tiny.
377
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:59,179
It's funny when she's mad.
378
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,967
All right, mister,
I think you owe
379
00:17:03,969 --> 00:17:06,804
Howard and Bernadette
an apology.
380
00:17:08,089 --> 00:17:11,942
Perhaps you're right.
381
00:17:11,944 --> 00:17:13,426
I'm sorry for my behavior.
382
00:17:13,428 --> 00:17:15,612
I've had alcohol,
and it's caused me
383
00:17:15,614 --> 00:17:16,814
to be inappropriate.
384
00:17:16,816 --> 00:17:18,816
It's okay.
Don't worry about it.
385
00:17:18,818 --> 00:17:20,734
Thank you.
386
00:17:20,736 --> 00:17:22,236
Ain't she great?
387
00:17:22,238 --> 00:17:23,320
Mmm.
388
00:17:23,322 --> 00:17:24,655
Sheldon.
389
00:17:24,657 --> 00:17:26,606
Now, how's about you get us
a couple of beers?
390
00:17:43,827 --> 00:17:45,144
Thanks again
for cooking.
391
00:17:45,146 --> 00:17:46,662
Yeah, everything
was delicious.
392
00:17:46,664 --> 00:17:47,663
Well, I couldn't
393
00:17:47,665 --> 00:17:50,133
have done it without
my two favorite girls.
394
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,150
Aw.
395
00:17:51,152 --> 00:17:53,369
Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray.
396
00:17:57,174 --> 00:17:59,842
Hey, Sheldon, what do you say
we go outside
397
00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:01,928
and throw around
the old pigskin?
398
00:18:02,796 --> 00:18:04,764
This is a Jewish house.
399
00:18:04,766 --> 00:18:06,516
I don't think they have pigskin.
400
00:18:08,986 --> 00:18:11,938
Did someone say pigskin?
401
00:18:13,140 --> 00:18:15,391
Hey, honey, I'm
sorry about today.
402
00:18:15,393 --> 00:18:17,510
And I promise, next
time I get married,
403
00:18:17,512 --> 00:18:19,061
it won't be a joke.
404
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:20,679
It'll be for love.
405
00:18:20,681 --> 00:18:22,815
Or money.
406
00:18:25,769 --> 00:18:27,120
I'm sorry, too.
407
00:18:27,122 --> 00:18:28,654
Don't be.
408
00:18:28,656 --> 00:18:29,655
It's my fault.
409
00:18:29,657 --> 00:18:31,073
I was a terrible husband.
410
00:18:32,709 --> 00:18:35,378
I was never around.
411
00:18:37,197 --> 00:18:39,215
I know I'm hard on you,
412
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:42,001
but you're not the worst
son-in-law in the world.
413
00:18:42,003 --> 00:18:44,921
Mike, that's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
414
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:47,723
Well, I'm drunk.
415
00:18:50,994 --> 00:18:53,229
I just vomited
on a lot of clowns.
416
00:18:53,231 --> 00:18:58,231
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man