1
00:00:03,022 --> 00:00:04,863
Should you really be
sitting in Sheldon's spot?
2
00:00:06,259 --> 00:00:08,193
He's in Texas.
He'll never know.
3
00:00:08,195 --> 00:00:09,961
I wouldn't be
so sure about that.
4
00:00:09,963 --> 00:00:11,563
Yeah, he has
a very sensitive butt.
5
00:00:14,133 --> 00:00:15,433
Well, it's true.
6
00:00:15,435 --> 00:00:18,837
Once I saw him sit on a bunch
of loose change and add it up.
7
00:00:20,306 --> 00:00:21,439
Have you heard from Howard?
8
00:00:21,441 --> 00:00:23,675
I did.
His talk at NASA went great.
9
00:00:23,677 --> 00:00:24,909
Sheldon didn't heckle him?
10
00:00:24,911 --> 00:00:26,578
No, in fact, he was
so well-behaved,
11
00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:28,279
Howie bought him
a Buzz Aldrin bobble head
12
00:00:28,281 --> 00:00:29,581
and astronaut ice cream.
13
00:00:30,817 --> 00:00:32,183
Hey, guys.
14
00:00:32,185 --> 00:00:33,485
Oh, hi. - Hi, Stuart.
Hey, Stuart!
15
00:00:33,487 --> 00:00:35,353
How's it going?
Good.
16
00:00:35,355 --> 00:00:37,989
Sheldon's out of town,
so we can do whatever we want.
17
00:00:37,991 --> 00:00:40,125
We even ordered from
the Thai place he doesn't like.
18
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,259
Oh, how is it?
19
00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:43,294
Disgusting. Do not tell him.
20
00:00:44,296 --> 00:00:45,764
What do you guys want
to do tonight?
21
00:00:45,766 --> 00:00:46,831
I don't know.
22
00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:48,400
Well, I told Howie
if I wasn't busy,
23
00:00:48,402 --> 00:00:50,001
I'd spend the night
at his mom's.
24
00:00:50,003 --> 00:00:52,270
So for God's sake,
think of something.
25
00:00:54,841 --> 00:00:56,141
Stuart?
26
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,175
Are you okay?
27
00:00:57,177 --> 00:00:59,544
No, I don't feel so...
28
00:00:59,546 --> 00:01:01,212
Oh, Stuart?
Stuart?
29
00:01:01,214 --> 00:01:03,114
Oh, my God,
you guys need to do something!
30
00:01:03,116 --> 00:01:05,183
Stuart?
Calling 911.
31
00:01:05,185 --> 00:01:07,318
Well, it's too late.
What do you mean it's too late?
32
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,555
He's been murdered
by someone in this room.
33
00:01:12,092 --> 00:01:14,459
Oh, my God.
Oh, come on!
34
00:01:14,461 --> 00:01:15,994
Welcome to another classic
35
00:01:15,996 --> 00:01:19,831
Koothrappali
murder mystery dinner.
36
00:01:19,833 --> 00:01:20,899
I'm leaving.
37
00:01:20,901 --> 00:01:23,301
You can't leave.
38
00:01:23,303 --> 00:01:24,969
You're a suspect in
the mysterious murder
39
00:01:24,971 --> 00:01:27,005
of Stuart Bloom.
40
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,576
I didn't know his
last name was Bloom.
41
00:01:31,578 --> 00:01:33,945
Yeah, it's Bloom.
42
00:01:33,947 --> 00:01:35,180
Are you really gonna
lie on the floor
43
00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:36,548
and pretend
to be dead all night?
44
00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:38,750
What do you think
I was gonna do at home?
45
00:01:40,119 --> 00:01:43,755
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
46
00:01:43,757 --> 00:01:47,092
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
47
00:01:47,094 --> 00:01:48,726
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
48
00:01:48,728 --> 00:01:51,262
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
49
00:01:51,264 --> 00:01:53,932
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
50
00:01:53,934 --> 00:01:56,601
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
51
00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:58,503
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
52
00:01:58,505 --> 00:02:00,472
♪ Bang! ♪
53
00:02:00,565 --> 00:02:04,565
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x18 ♪
The Mommy Observation
Original Air Date on March 13, 2014
54
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:09,591
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
55
00:02:09,617 --> 00:02:11,885
Are you gonna make us pretend
to be a bunch of lame characters
56
00:02:11,887 --> 00:02:13,587
with silly accents?
57
00:02:13,589 --> 00:02:16,556
"Lame characters
with silly ac..."
58
00:02:16,558 --> 00:02:19,259
What kind of actress are you?
59
00:02:21,362 --> 00:02:22,629
You're right, I'm sorry.
60
00:02:22,631 --> 00:02:25,132
It... sounds like fun.
Thank you.
61
00:02:25,134 --> 00:02:26,867
That kind of actress.
This sucks!
62
00:02:28,770 --> 00:02:29,937
Come on, guys.
63
00:02:29,939 --> 00:02:31,104
Raj put a lot of
effort into this.
64
00:02:31,106 --> 00:02:32,139
And that's great.
65
00:02:32,141 --> 00:02:35,442
It's not sad, it's great.
66
00:02:35,444 --> 00:02:37,377
I think it might be fun
to be someone else tonight.
67
00:02:37,379 --> 00:02:39,012
Actually, you're all just
gonna be yourselves.
68
00:02:39,014 --> 00:02:40,814
Oh... ugh.
69
00:02:42,183 --> 00:02:43,617
All right,
if I'm doing this,
70
00:02:43,619 --> 00:02:45,552
I'm playing to win,
so just to be clear:
71
00:02:45,554 --> 00:02:47,955
If we're ourselves, that means
one of us killed Stuart?
72
00:02:47,957 --> 00:02:49,056
Very good, Bernadette.
73
00:02:49,058 --> 00:02:51,591
You are a regular
Byomkesh Bakshi.
74
00:02:51,593 --> 00:02:54,795
What is that, like,
the Indian Sherlock Holmes?
75
00:02:54,797 --> 00:02:58,699
Or is Sherlock Holmes
the English Byomkesh Bakshi?
76
00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:02,002
According to Wikipedia,
Sherlock Holmes came first.
77
00:03:02,004 --> 00:03:04,871
Great, everyone's
a Byomkesh Bakshi.
78
00:03:04,873 --> 00:03:06,907
Now... here are
79
00:03:06,909 --> 00:03:09,309
some secret facts
80
00:03:09,311 --> 00:03:10,644
about each of you,
81
00:03:10,646 --> 00:03:13,580
including whether
you are the murderer.
82
00:03:13,582 --> 00:03:14,948
Throughout the game, feel free
83
00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:17,384
to ask each other questions
to uncover clues.
84
00:03:17,386 --> 00:03:18,919
Got it. Hey...
85
00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:21,221
who's the murderer?
86
00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:25,225
Any question but that.
87
00:03:25,227 --> 00:03:27,227
Sorry. Hey...
88
00:03:27,229 --> 00:03:30,063
who's not the murderer?
89
00:03:31,199 --> 00:03:34,735
Bernadette, can you not stand
so close to me?
90
00:03:34,737 --> 00:03:35,736
What do you care? You're dead.
91
00:03:35,738 --> 00:03:36,937
Suit yourself.
92
00:03:36,939 --> 00:03:39,639
But I can kind of...
see up your skirt.
93
00:03:48,149 --> 00:03:50,550
Thank you
for my bobble head.
94
00:03:50,552 --> 00:03:53,787
Thank you for not making fun
of me during my speech.
95
00:03:53,789 --> 00:03:55,956
It wasn't easy. Was it Buzz?
96
00:03:59,327 --> 00:04:01,728
We can't show up to
your mom's empty-handed.
97
00:04:01,730 --> 00:04:03,363
We should bring something.
98
00:04:03,365 --> 00:04:04,931
I already am.
99
00:04:04,933 --> 00:04:06,867
I'm bringing
the gift of knowledge.
100
00:04:06,869 --> 00:04:08,735
Oh, boy.
101
00:04:08,737 --> 00:04:10,904
Despite what her Bible says,
102
00:04:10,906 --> 00:04:12,839
recent archeological
studies indicate
103
00:04:12,841 --> 00:04:15,709
that although camels are
referenced in the Old Testament,
104
00:04:15,711 --> 00:04:17,577
they didn't exist
in the Middle East
105
00:04:17,579 --> 00:04:19,980
until hundreds of years later.
106
00:04:19,982 --> 00:04:22,783
I was gonna say we pick up
a cake or a pie.
107
00:04:22,785 --> 00:04:25,352
But an insult to her faith
is always thoughtful.
108
00:04:28,890 --> 00:04:30,557
So, what happens next?
109
00:04:30,559 --> 00:04:32,125
I can't tell you that.
110
00:04:32,127 --> 00:04:33,460
But perhaps the killer dropped
111
00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:35,128
a fun and imaginative clue
112
00:04:35,130 --> 00:04:36,830
somewhere in the apartment.
113
00:04:36,832 --> 00:04:37,964
Ooh, I'm gonna check the fridge,
114
00:04:37,966 --> 00:04:40,801
and see if there are
any clues inside a beer.
115
00:04:41,969 --> 00:04:43,437
Hey, I-I found something.
116
00:04:43,439 --> 00:04:45,372
It looks like a little man
with a briefcase.
117
00:04:45,374 --> 00:04:47,541
Oh, no, no.
That's Clarence Darrow.
118
00:04:47,543 --> 00:04:50,944
It's from a game Sheldon made up
called Chutes and Lawyers.
119
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,581
You slide down a chute
and then work your way back up
120
00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:56,783
through the appellate system.
121
00:04:58,219 --> 00:05:01,822
Well, unlike that,
my games are much more fun.
122
00:05:01,824 --> 00:05:02,889
Okay, can I ask you something?
123
00:05:02,891 --> 00:05:04,291
Why do you like making us
do this stuff?
124
00:05:04,293 --> 00:05:06,626
Well, I guess
it goes back to
125
00:05:06,628 --> 00:05:08,995
when I was a fat kid in India,
and didn't have any friends.
126
00:05:08,997 --> 00:05:10,297
I didn't know you were fat.
127
00:05:10,299 --> 00:05:11,631
Yeah, I was...
128
00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:14,401
I was 200 pounds by the time
I was in middle school.
129
00:05:14,403 --> 00:05:16,303
Kids were mean.
130
00:05:16,305 --> 00:05:17,504
Cows may be sacred there,
131
00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:19,706
but it doesn't help
if you look like one.
132
00:05:21,542 --> 00:05:22,742
Anyway, I was pretty lonely,
133
00:05:22,744 --> 00:05:24,611
so I had to make up
my own stories and games,
134
00:05:24,613 --> 00:05:25,912
and I promised myself
135
00:05:25,914 --> 00:05:28,081
if I ever made
any friends that...
136
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:30,517
that I would play
those games with them.
137
00:05:30,519 --> 00:05:32,519
That is so sweet.
138
00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:34,287
I've seen old pictures of you.
139
00:05:34,289 --> 00:05:36,056
You were never a fat kid.
140
00:05:36,058 --> 00:05:37,824
No, I was svelte as a gazelle.
141
00:05:39,527 --> 00:05:42,429
A gazelle blessed with a flair
for storytelling.
142
00:05:46,134 --> 00:05:48,869
Hey, what about this?
It looks like a receipt.
143
00:05:48,871 --> 00:05:49,803
What's it for?
144
00:05:49,805 --> 00:05:50,904
For a cup of coffee.
145
00:05:50,906 --> 00:05:52,906
But it's dated
20 years from now.
146
00:05:52,908 --> 00:05:54,341
From the future?!
147
00:05:54,343 --> 00:05:56,510
How fun and imaginative.
148
00:05:57,912 --> 00:06:00,447
So one of us came back
from the future
149
00:06:00,449 --> 00:06:02,215
to murder Stuart?
Correct.
150
00:06:02,217 --> 00:06:04,117
Does the gazelle with a flair
for storytelling
151
00:06:04,119 --> 00:06:06,653
know he's just ripping off
Terminator?
152
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:09,122
Does the smart-ass know
that Terminator was actually
153
00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:10,857
ripped off from an Outer Limits
script called
154
00:06:10,859 --> 00:06:13,026
Demon With a Glass Hand,
by Harlan Ellison?
155
00:06:13,028 --> 00:06:16,329
Oh, does the gazelle know that
according to Harlan Ellison,
156
00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:18,732
it was not ripped off
from Demon With a Glass Hand,
157
00:06:18,734 --> 00:06:21,334
but was ripped off from another
Outer Limits script
158
00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:22,936
he wrote called The Soldier?
159
00:06:22,938 --> 00:06:25,172
I'm gonna need
another clue.
160
00:06:28,609 --> 00:06:30,143
Okay...
161
00:06:30,145 --> 00:06:32,112
give me
the flowers and pie.
162
00:06:32,114 --> 00:06:34,214
But if we show up
and you're holding them,
163
00:06:34,216 --> 00:06:36,149
she'll think
they're only from you.
164
00:06:36,151 --> 00:06:37,551
They are only from me.
165
00:06:37,553 --> 00:06:40,520
You said the gift
of you was enough.
166
00:06:40,522 --> 00:06:42,989
Yes... but now
167
00:06:42,991 --> 00:06:44,724
that I've seen
what the gift of me
168
00:06:44,726 --> 00:06:46,126
with flowers and pie looks like,
169
00:06:46,128 --> 00:06:47,661
there's no going back.
170
00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:52,999
Boy, I can't wait to see
the look on her face...
171
00:06:53,001 --> 00:06:54,201
We're leaving right now.
172
00:06:54,203 --> 00:06:55,368
What's wrong?
Nothing.
173
00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:57,771
What? Sheldon, tell me
what's going on!
174
00:06:57,773 --> 00:06:59,172
I saw my mommy with a naked man
175
00:06:59,174 --> 00:07:00,807
and she was trying
to be a mommy again.
176
00:07:13,551 --> 00:07:15,452
You ready to talk about it?
177
00:07:15,454 --> 00:07:17,587
I'm not nearly drunk enough.
178
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:23,193
Okay.
179
00:07:25,165 --> 00:07:27,133
Do you have any idea
what it's like to see
180
00:07:27,135 --> 00:07:29,068
your mother ravaging someone?
181
00:07:29,070 --> 00:07:32,505
Does a brisket count?
182
00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:37,543
I'm sorry, buddy, that's rough.
183
00:07:37,545 --> 00:07:39,044
But didn't she know
we were coming?
184
00:07:39,046 --> 00:07:40,045
No.
185
00:07:40,047 --> 00:07:41,914
I wanted to surprise her.
186
00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:45,017
What am I supposed to say to
her after something like this?
187
00:07:45,019 --> 00:07:46,852
Well, did she see you
in the window?
188
00:07:46,854 --> 00:07:47,953
No.
189
00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:49,054
Then don't say anything.
190
00:07:49,056 --> 00:07:51,257
I have to.
191
00:07:51,259 --> 00:07:54,026
How can we ever hope to have
a healthy relationship
192
00:07:54,028 --> 00:07:56,428
if I don't tell her
how disappointed I am,
193
00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:58,797
and that I'll never forgive her?
194
00:07:58,799 --> 00:08:01,867
Well, don't do it on the phone.
195
00:08:01,869 --> 00:08:03,369
No, I'm just going
to tell her I'm coming
196
00:08:03,371 --> 00:08:06,739
so she can give that Good
Time Charlie the heave-ho.
197
00:08:06,741 --> 00:08:08,507
That's some tough talk.
198
00:08:08,509 --> 00:08:10,142
I may need to cut you off.
199
00:08:11,178 --> 00:08:12,278
Yeah, maybe you better.
200
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,480
I took a pretty big sip.
201
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,186
Look, she's a grown woman.
202
00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:23,856
And-and your dad's been
gone a long time.
203
00:08:23,858 --> 00:08:26,792
Maybe this is
none of your business.
204
00:08:26,794 --> 00:08:28,761
I beg to differ.
205
00:08:28,763 --> 00:08:31,230
I used to live in
those genitals.
206
00:08:32,866 --> 00:08:34,667
And if someone wants
to move into my old room,
207
00:08:34,669 --> 00:08:36,101
I should at least get a vote.
208
00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:42,908
Okay, murder suspects,
209
00:08:42,910 --> 00:08:45,911
Leonard has found the time
machine the killer must've used.
210
00:08:45,913 --> 00:08:47,046
You're all inside it,
211
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,682
and we hurtle
through the very fabric of time.
212
00:08:57,591 --> 00:09:01,093
And welcome
to 20 years in the future.
213
00:09:02,829 --> 00:09:04,730
Hey, you guys
just time-traveled.
214
00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:07,333
Stop looking so bored.
215
00:09:07,335 --> 00:09:09,802
Well, my beer isn't flat
and my rack's not saggy.
216
00:09:09,804 --> 00:09:11,937
So far, the future's great.
217
00:09:13,106 --> 00:09:16,175
Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
218
00:09:16,177 --> 00:09:18,344
Fine, just try not
to look too alive.
219
00:09:18,346 --> 00:09:19,445
That's my jam.
220
00:09:22,249 --> 00:09:25,251
So one of us went back
in time to kill Stuart?
221
00:09:25,253 --> 00:09:26,352
But why?
222
00:09:26,354 --> 00:09:28,187
Perhaps this will help.
223
00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:29,288
Here are some facts
224
00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:32,925
about yourselves in the future
225
00:09:32,927 --> 00:09:35,995
that might contain a clue.
226
00:09:35,997 --> 00:09:36,996
Hey, I-I won
227
00:09:36,998 --> 00:09:38,964
the Nobel Prize in physiology.
228
00:09:38,966 --> 00:09:41,700
Then I used the money to buy
Stuart's comic book store,
229
00:09:41,702 --> 00:09:45,437
and close it down so Sheldon
would pay attention to me.
230
00:09:47,641 --> 00:09:50,409
Not the worst idea.
231
00:09:51,578 --> 00:09:54,146
Hey, I'm a famous actress
living in London.
232
00:09:54,148 --> 00:09:56,081
Hmm! I'm a professor at Stanford.
Hmm!
233
00:09:56,083 --> 00:09:57,983
So I guess you two are
making it work long distance.
234
00:09:57,985 --> 00:09:59,251
Oh, no.
235
00:09:59,253 --> 00:10:01,520
In this game,
as your careers both took off,
236
00:10:01,522 --> 00:10:02,354
you drifted apart.
237
00:10:02,356 --> 00:10:04,056
Kind of like how future me
238
00:10:04,058 --> 00:10:06,325
lost touch with you guys
after I became boy toy
239
00:10:06,327 --> 00:10:09,962
for the wrinkled,
but still flexible, Madonna.
240
00:10:11,197 --> 00:10:13,532
What does
your card say, Bernadette?
241
00:10:13,534 --> 00:10:14,633
Eh, eh, eh, hang on.
242
00:10:14,635 --> 00:10:16,635
Do-do you think
we'd really drift apart
243
00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:18,203
if we both became successful?
244
00:10:18,205 --> 00:10:19,672
Of course not.
245
00:10:19,674 --> 00:10:21,340
If I became a famous actress
and had to move,
246
00:10:21,342 --> 00:10:22,775
you would just come with me.
247
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:26,378
But if I get a chance
to be a tenured professor,
248
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,947
I might not have that much
choice in where I end up.
249
00:10:28,949 --> 00:10:30,783
Yeah, but if I become
a successful actress,
250
00:10:30,785 --> 00:10:32,351
we wouldn't need the money.
251
00:10:32,353 --> 00:10:35,387
Well, you don't go
into science for the money.
252
00:10:35,389 --> 00:10:36,388
Speak for yourself.
253
00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:38,357
Last month,
my company both invented
254
00:10:38,359 --> 00:10:41,360
and cured
Restless Eye Syndrome.
255
00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:46,465
Ka-ching,
ya blinky chumps.
256
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,002
So, wait, if my career
took me somewhere else,
257
00:10:50,004 --> 00:10:51,403
you might not go?
258
00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:52,871
Well...
259
00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:58,510
He started it.
260
00:10:58,512 --> 00:11:01,046
Okay, okay, guys--
new back stories.
261
00:11:01,048 --> 00:11:04,183
Uh, Penny and Leonard,
you two lovebirds are
262
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,452
super successful
and living in New York.
263
00:11:06,454 --> 00:11:08,253
Uh, you're an actress,
you're a professor
264
00:11:08,255 --> 00:11:09,755
and you have
three beautiful kids.
265
00:11:09,757 --> 00:11:10,789
Great.
266
00:11:10,791 --> 00:11:11,924
Really? You think I'm putting
267
00:11:11,926 --> 00:11:13,425
this body through three kids?
268
00:11:15,962 --> 00:11:17,863
Okay, let's do this.
269
00:11:17,865 --> 00:11:18,897
Good luck.
270
00:11:18,899 --> 00:11:20,032
You...
271
00:11:20,034 --> 00:11:21,700
Aren't you gonna come with me?
272
00:11:21,702 --> 00:11:24,203
While you confront your mother
about her sex life?
273
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:27,773
I'd rather go back to that bar
in ass-less chaps.
274
00:11:33,413 --> 00:11:35,481
Mother?
275
00:11:35,483 --> 00:11:36,882
Mother.
276
00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:38,350
Mother?
277
00:11:38,352 --> 00:11:41,253
Shelly!
I'm so glad you're here!
278
00:11:41,255 --> 00:11:43,222
I saw you having naked sex.
279
00:11:46,059 --> 00:11:47,593
What are you talking about?
280
00:11:47,595 --> 00:11:49,795
Earlier, I came here
to surprise you.
281
00:11:49,797 --> 00:11:52,798
I looked in the window
and I saw you with a man.
282
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,634
Oh, Shelly, I'm so sorry.
283
00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:57,269
Come in.
284
00:11:59,572 --> 00:12:00,906
Um...
285
00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:03,409
Maybe we should sit down
286
00:12:03,411 --> 00:12:05,110
and talk about this.
287
00:12:05,112 --> 00:12:07,379
Can you recommend a surface
288
00:12:07,381 --> 00:12:09,548
you haven't had coitus on?
289
00:12:11,451 --> 00:12:13,952
That's not funny.
290
00:12:16,956 --> 00:12:19,558
Maybe we should sit
at the table.
291
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:29,134
Well, I'm sure that, uh,
292
00:12:29,136 --> 00:12:31,470
you...
293
00:12:31,472 --> 00:12:33,472
have a lot of questions.
294
00:12:33,474 --> 00:12:35,574
Who was he?
295
00:12:35,576 --> 00:12:36,542
His name is Ron.
296
00:12:36,544 --> 00:12:38,610
I met him at my prayer group.
297
00:12:39,612 --> 00:12:41,480
How long have you been
involved with him?
298
00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:42,681
A few months.
299
00:12:42,683 --> 00:12:44,683
And of those few months,
300
00:12:44,685 --> 00:12:48,120
how long have you been
a demented sex pervert?
301
00:12:51,057 --> 00:12:53,592
That is no way
to speak to your mother.
302
00:12:53,594 --> 00:12:55,160
Perhaps not.
303
00:12:55,162 --> 00:12:57,996
But it is a way to speak
to a woman who quoted the Bible
304
00:12:57,998 --> 00:13:00,065
to me my whole life,
and then desecrates
305
00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:02,935
one of Ethan Allen's
finest sofas.
306
00:13:02,937 --> 00:13:05,170
I will give you one opportunity,
307
00:13:05,172 --> 00:13:06,305
young man, to apologize.
308
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,674
Or what?
309
00:13:08,676 --> 00:13:09,908
Or I will send you to your room.
310
00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:12,177
That's ridiculous.
311
00:13:12,179 --> 00:13:13,946
I am a grown man.
312
00:13:13,948 --> 00:13:15,781
I am a professional scientist.
313
00:13:15,783 --> 00:13:18,217
And I currently occupy
the moral high ground.
314
00:13:18,219 --> 00:13:19,251
Go to your room.
315
00:13:20,787 --> 00:13:24,623
But I occupy
the moral high ground.
316
00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:25,824
Go to your room.
317
00:13:25,826 --> 00:13:28,861
But I'm
a professional scientist.
318
00:13:28,863 --> 00:13:31,630
Go... to your room!
319
00:13:36,035 --> 00:13:38,370
I'm a grown man.
320
00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:42,741
Can we please get back
to the game?
321
00:13:42,743 --> 00:13:43,842
I-I-In a minute.
322
00:13:43,844 --> 00:13:45,310
I-I-I don't understand
why any success
323
00:13:45,312 --> 00:13:47,312
you have in acting
is more important
324
00:13:47,314 --> 00:13:49,081
than any I have in science.
325
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:51,116
Okay, if you do
something cool in science,
326
00:13:51,118 --> 00:13:52,384
you might change the world.
327
00:13:52,386 --> 00:13:53,519
If I become
328
00:13:53,521 --> 00:13:55,220
a famous actress...
329
00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:57,523
I'm not gonna tell you
why movie stars are the best.
330
00:13:57,525 --> 00:13:59,157
They just are.
331
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,961
I'm surprised you guys never
talked about this stuff.
332
00:14:02,963 --> 00:14:05,197
Like you and Sheldon have
everything figured out?
333
00:14:05,199 --> 00:14:06,298
Actually,
334
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,266
our relationship agreement
335
00:14:07,268 --> 00:14:09,468
covers a wide array
of scenarios,
336
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:12,037
including career changes,
financial instability,
337
00:14:12,039 --> 00:14:14,473
intelligent dog uprising...
338
00:14:15,174 --> 00:14:16,942
FYI, we plan on selling out
339
00:14:16,944 --> 00:14:19,111
the human race hard.
340
00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:25,017
In 20 years, who knows
what'll happen with any of us?
341
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:27,486
I think you and Leonard
will be together.
342
00:14:27,488 --> 00:14:29,054
You do?
Yeah.
343
00:14:29,056 --> 00:14:31,223
I think you're
the best couple I know.
344
00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:32,824
Aw.
That's so sweet.
345
00:14:32,826 --> 00:14:35,227
What the hell?!
Excuse me?
346
00:14:35,229 --> 00:14:36,194
Ah-da-da-da-da!
347
00:14:36,196 --> 00:14:38,163
Let the dead man talk.
348
00:14:39,265 --> 00:14:40,399
So, why do you think that?
349
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,200
Uh, well, I feel like
350
00:14:42,202 --> 00:14:45,270
you guys make each
other better.
351
00:14:45,272 --> 00:14:47,105
Penny brought Leonard
out of his shell.
352
00:14:47,107 --> 00:14:48,340
And it seems like Leonard
353
00:14:48,342 --> 00:14:50,442
makes Penny think more
deeply about the world.
354
00:14:50,444 --> 00:14:51,610
I don't know.
355
00:14:51,612 --> 00:14:54,680
Together, you two kind of
make one awesome person.
356
00:14:54,682 --> 00:14:56,882
Aw, Stuart.
357
00:14:56,884 --> 00:14:59,418
Now I feel bad
for murdering you.
358
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:02,120
Oh, come on!
359
00:15:02,122 --> 00:15:03,589
Penny did it! I win!
360
00:15:03,591 --> 00:15:06,558
Suck it, jackasses!
361
00:15:12,199 --> 00:15:14,866
Hey, can I come in?
362
00:15:14,868 --> 00:15:16,802
Apparently any man
is welcome in this house.
363
00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:18,937
Why not you?
364
00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:22,374
I thought you were waiting
in the car.
365
00:15:22,376 --> 00:15:24,376
That was an hour ago, Sheldon.
366
00:15:24,378 --> 00:15:26,979
A Jew sits in front of a house
in Texas that long,
367
00:15:26,981 --> 00:15:29,114
"For Sale" signs
start to go up.
368
00:15:31,985 --> 00:15:35,420
I take it things didn't
go smoothly with your mom.
369
00:15:35,422 --> 00:15:37,789
No.
370
00:15:37,791 --> 00:15:40,926
I'm not sure how we're going
to get past this.
371
00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:42,127
You know, I...
372
00:15:42,129 --> 00:15:44,796
I sort of went
through something
373
00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:46,598
like this myself.
374
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,267
Howard, we've all seen
your mother naked.
375
00:15:51,571 --> 00:15:53,972
That woman needs to learn
how to tie a robe.
376
00:15:53,974 --> 00:15:57,542
I'm talking about when
my mom started seeing someone
377
00:15:57,544 --> 00:15:59,845
a couple years
after my dad left.
378
00:15:59,847 --> 00:16:02,681
I didn't know she did.
379
00:16:02,683 --> 00:16:06,251
Yeah, she was dating this guy,
380
00:16:06,253 --> 00:16:10,188
and I was kind of a jerk
to her about it.
381
00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:12,457
What did you do?
382
00:16:12,459 --> 00:16:14,526
Well, let's just say
it was the most vicious
383
00:16:14,528 --> 00:16:17,663
bar mitzvah speech in
the history of Temple Beth El.
384
00:16:18,631 --> 00:16:21,833
Anyway, she broke up with him.
385
00:16:21,835 --> 00:16:23,802
And she's basically
386
00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:26,038
been alone ever since.
387
00:16:27,173 --> 00:16:30,676
She never said it,
but I always felt
388
00:16:30,678 --> 00:16:33,879
I was the reason why.
389
00:16:33,881 --> 00:16:34,846
I'm sorry.
390
00:16:34,848 --> 00:16:36,314
Although,
based on your story,
391
00:16:36,316 --> 00:16:40,252
you absolutely
were the reason why.
392
00:16:41,187 --> 00:16:43,355
All I'm saying is
you might not want
393
00:16:43,357 --> 00:16:46,725
to get in the way
of your mom's happiness.
394
00:16:48,327 --> 00:16:50,562
You may have a point.
395
00:16:50,564 --> 00:16:53,398
I love my mother.
396
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,536
Even if she fornicates
like a demonic weasel.
397
00:17:01,507 --> 00:17:04,509
And the healing begins.
398
00:17:08,881 --> 00:17:09,915
Hello.
399
00:17:09,917 --> 00:17:10,949
Hello.
400
00:17:10,951 --> 00:17:12,284
Are you ready to discuss
401
00:17:12,286 --> 00:17:14,019
this calmly, like adults?
402
00:17:14,021 --> 00:17:16,555
I am.
403
00:17:28,835 --> 00:17:32,037
Shelly, I'm sorry that
you saw what you saw.
404
00:17:32,039 --> 00:17:34,372
I know that this
is hard for you.
405
00:17:34,374 --> 00:17:36,708
I think what most upsets me
about it, Mother,
406
00:17:36,710 --> 00:17:38,477
is the hypocrisy.
407
00:17:38,479 --> 00:17:40,445
Doesn't this contradict
408
00:17:40,447 --> 00:17:43,648
all the religious rules you've
been espousing your whole life?
409
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:45,150
You're right, it does,
and it's something
410
00:17:45,152 --> 00:17:47,452
that I'm struggling
with these days.
411
00:17:47,454 --> 00:17:49,154
Then why are you doing it?
412
00:17:49,156 --> 00:17:51,990
Because I'm not
perfect, Shelly.
413
00:17:51,992 --> 00:17:54,960
And that man's booty is.
414
00:18:00,032 --> 00:18:03,869
Well, this is confusing for me.
415
00:18:03,871 --> 00:18:06,371
But I don't want to stand
in the way of your happiness.
416
00:18:06,373 --> 00:18:08,340
So...
417
00:18:08,342 --> 00:18:11,009
I'll condemn you internally
while maintaining
418
00:18:11,011 --> 00:18:13,945
an outward appearance
of acceptance.
419
00:18:15,047 --> 00:18:18,517
That is very Christian of you.
420
00:18:20,787 --> 00:18:22,721
Mother, if you're going
to conduct your life
421
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:25,123
in this fashion,
then I should let you know
422
00:18:25,125 --> 00:18:28,293
that the world has changed
since you were a young woman.
423
00:18:28,295 --> 00:18:29,661
You know,
it's not all shock hops,
424
00:18:29,663 --> 00:18:33,465
soda jerks
and segregation anymore.
425
00:18:33,467 --> 00:18:37,035
How old do you think I am?
426
00:18:37,037 --> 00:18:40,705
My point is that you're going
to need to be careful.
427
00:18:40,707 --> 00:18:42,040
You used to be protected
428
00:18:42,042 --> 00:18:44,810
by your pre-Enlightenment
mythology,
429
00:18:44,812 --> 00:18:47,512
but now you're going
to need a stronger friend
430
00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:50,549
named latex.
431
00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:55,754
Are you having the
sex talk with me?
432
00:18:55,756 --> 00:18:57,088
Well, someone has to.
433
00:18:57,090 --> 00:18:59,624
Oh, dear Lord!
Yeah, well...
434
00:18:59,626 --> 00:19:02,194
No, don't look to Him.
He's mad at you right now.
435
00:19:12,161 --> 00:19:13,762
Oh, come on, don't pout.
436
00:19:13,764 --> 00:19:15,464
I'm sorry I ruined your game.
437
00:19:15,466 --> 00:19:17,632
I'm not pouting, I'm brooding.
438
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:20,836
Which is how sexy men pout.
439
00:19:22,405 --> 00:19:24,172
It actually was kind of fun.
440
00:19:24,174 --> 00:19:25,273
You're just saying that.
441
00:19:25,275 --> 00:19:27,409
Yeah.
442
00:19:30,013 --> 00:19:31,980
I liked the time travel element.
443
00:19:31,982 --> 00:19:34,182
Thank you.
I thought it was inspired.
444
00:19:34,184 --> 00:19:35,951
It was. By Terminator.
445
00:19:37,253 --> 00:19:38,653
Well, I hope 20 years from now,
446
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:39,855
we really are all still together
447
00:19:39,857 --> 00:19:40,856
and still friends.
448
00:19:40,858 --> 00:19:42,290
Definitely.
Of course.
449
00:19:42,292 --> 00:19:43,625
Well, hey, how about this?
450
00:19:43,627 --> 00:19:46,128
Whether we're friends,
not friends,
451
00:19:46,130 --> 00:19:47,796
scattered around the world,
no matter what,
452
00:19:47,798 --> 00:19:49,931
let's all promise to meet
in front of this building
453
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:52,234
exactly 20 years
from tonight at 8:00 p.m.
454
00:19:52,236 --> 00:19:53,902
and have dinner
like we always do.
455
00:19:53,904 --> 00:19:55,170
Aw! I love it.
456
00:19:55,172 --> 00:19:56,204
Okay?
457
00:19:56,206 --> 00:19:57,272
Putting it
in my phone right now.
458
00:19:57,274 --> 00:19:58,473
Yeah, me, too.
459
00:19:59,776 --> 00:20:02,077
My phone doesn't
have a calendar.
460
00:20:06,382 --> 00:20:08,617
It's all right, I'll just
write it on my hand.
461
00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:12,954
And it's done.
462
00:20:12,956 --> 00:20:14,289
Yup, we're all in.
463
00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:16,224
All right, I'll see you guys
in 20 years.
464
00:20:24,284 --> 00:20:25,985
I knew it.
465
00:20:25,987 --> 00:20:30,987
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man