1
00:00:00,922 --> 00:00:02,859
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,923 --> 00:00:05,306
We were worried
about you.
3
00:00:05,308 --> 00:00:07,308
Don't be melodramatic.
4
00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:08,927
I'm just getting on a train
5
00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:11,095
and leaving forever.
6
00:00:11,097 --> 00:00:14,349
So a few things
don't go your way
7
00:00:14,351 --> 00:00:15,683
and your best
decision
8
00:00:15,685 --> 00:00:18,319
is to ride the
rails like a hobo?
9
00:00:18,321 --> 00:00:20,605
Leonard, I am overwhelmed.
10
00:00:20,607 --> 00:00:21,689
Everything
is changing,
11
00:00:21,691 --> 00:00:24,108
and it's simply too much.
12
00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:25,777
I need to get away and think.
13
00:00:25,779 --> 00:00:27,278
Sheldon...
14
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,113
Yes?
15
00:00:29,115 --> 00:00:30,999
I'm gonna miss you.
16
00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:33,835
Of course you are.
17
00:00:35,371 --> 00:00:37,956
You just made
that easier.
18
00:00:41,927 --> 00:00:44,095
Excuse me.
19
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,883
Is it at all possible
20
00:00:48,885 --> 00:00:51,135
that you're knitting
a pair of pants?
21
00:00:52,771 --> 00:00:55,056
Oh, well, no, you're
understandably terrified.
22
00:00:55,058 --> 00:00:57,692
But, you know,
allow me to explain.
23
00:00:57,694 --> 00:01:00,812
45 days ago, um,
I embarked on
24
00:01:00,814 --> 00:01:02,313
a railroad journey
of healing
25
00:01:02,315 --> 00:01:03,698
because my university
26
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,316
was making me do
string theory,
27
00:01:05,318 --> 00:01:07,902
and my favorite comic
book store burned down,
28
00:01:07,904 --> 00:01:09,737
and when my roommate
got engaged,
29
00:01:09,739 --> 00:01:11,990
my girlfriend wanted
to move in with me,
30
00:01:11,992 --> 00:01:14,659
which was no doubt
a ploy just to see my--
31
00:01:14,661 --> 00:01:17,245
well, excuse my language,
but my bathing suit parts.
32
00:01:20,916 --> 00:01:22,884
Uh, sir, may I
use your phone?
33
00:01:22,886 --> 00:01:24,919
I don't think so.
Yeah, well,
34
00:01:24,921 --> 00:01:26,671
I understand that
I'm half naked,
35
00:01:26,673 --> 00:01:28,556
but there is
a reasonable explanation.
36
00:01:28,558 --> 00:01:31,175
While I slept
in my sleeper car,
37
00:01:31,177 --> 00:01:32,977
all my possessions were stolen.
38
00:01:32,979 --> 00:01:33,979
Now,
39
00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:35,647
typically,
I wear pajamas,
40
00:01:35,649 --> 00:01:39,517
but I recently adopted
a hobo lifestyle
41
00:01:39,519 --> 00:01:43,271
and pajamas are the
sleep-pants of the Man.
42
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:48,242
I'll have you know,
Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants
43
00:01:48,244 --> 00:01:50,161
and a nation rallied behind him!
44
00:01:50,163 --> 00:01:52,146
My good man...
45
00:01:52,148 --> 00:01:53,498
Now, before you walk away...
46
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,366
I know that I may
appear deranged,
47
00:01:55,368 --> 00:01:57,869
but I am, in fact,
a world-renowned physicist.
48
00:01:57,871 --> 00:02:01,289
Ask me the difference
between a boson and a fermion.
49
00:02:01,291 --> 00:02:02,507
Go ahead, ask!
50
00:02:05,127 --> 00:02:07,045
Bosons have integer spin,
51
00:02:07,047 --> 00:02:09,430
fermions have half-integer spin!
52
00:02:09,432 --> 00:02:10,715
My legs are getting cold!
53
00:02:10,717 --> 00:02:13,484
Why won't anybody help me?
54
00:02:13,486 --> 00:02:17,105
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:17,107 --> 00:02:20,441
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:22,060
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:22,062 --> 00:02:24,612
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:24,614 --> 00:02:27,281
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:27,283 --> 00:02:29,951
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:29,953 --> 00:02:31,869
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:31,871 --> 00:02:32,718
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:36,719
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x01 ♪
The Locomotion Interruption
Original Air Date on Septembe
63
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:41,820
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
64
00:02:43,678 --> 00:02:44,678
Morning.
65
00:02:44,679 --> 00:02:46,212
Hi. Want to do
yoga with me?
66
00:02:46,214 --> 00:02:47,897
Um, let me just have
some coffee first,
67
00:02:47,899 --> 00:02:50,032
and then I'll have
the strength to tell you
68
00:02:50,034 --> 00:02:52,368
how much I won't be doing that.
69
00:02:55,256 --> 00:02:56,505
Hello?
70
00:02:56,507 --> 00:02:58,391
Hello, Leonard.
71
00:02:58,393 --> 00:03:01,344
Hey, buddy.
Good to hear your voice.
72
00:03:01,346 --> 00:03:02,845
Uh, I'm in Kingman, Arizona,
73
00:03:02,847 --> 00:03:06,349
and, uh, I need you
to come pick me up.
74
00:03:06,351 --> 00:03:08,217
I'd love to.
75
00:03:08,219 --> 00:03:10,886
I'm just about
to do yoga with Penny.
76
00:03:12,656 --> 00:03:14,607
Leonard, I'm at
the police station.
77
00:03:14,609 --> 00:03:15,609
I was robbed.
78
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:17,193
Th-They took my phone,
79
00:03:17,195 --> 00:03:19,362
my wallet, my iPad, everything.
80
00:03:19,364 --> 00:03:20,563
Oh, my God, are you okay?
81
00:03:20,565 --> 00:03:21,565
No,
82
00:03:21,566 --> 00:03:22,648
I'm not okay.
83
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:24,533
I-I'm wearing borrowed pants,
84
00:03:24,535 --> 00:03:26,619
I-I don't have I.D.,
85
00:03:26,621 --> 00:03:28,037
and one of the officers here
86
00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:30,539
won't stop calling me
Chicken Legs.
87
00:03:30,541 --> 00:03:31,874
Okay.
88
00:03:31,876 --> 00:03:33,125
Uh, I'll-I'll
come get you.
89
00:03:33,127 --> 00:03:34,076
What's the address?
90
00:03:34,078 --> 00:03:35,127
Hey, what's going on?
Oh.
91
00:03:35,129 --> 00:03:36,712
He got all of
his stuff stolen.
92
00:03:36,714 --> 00:03:37,997
Oh...
93
00:03:37,999 --> 00:03:40,082
Okay...
94
00:03:40,084 --> 00:03:41,250
Sheldon, hang tight.
95
00:03:41,252 --> 00:03:42,918
Hey, do you want me
to bring anything?
96
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,253
Oh, yes, please.
97
00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:45,421
A pair of pants.
98
00:03:45,423 --> 00:03:46,672
And my toothbrush.
99
00:03:46,674 --> 00:03:48,341
Yeah, and my mail.
100
00:03:48,343 --> 00:03:50,259
And a really good comeback
for Chicken Legs,
101
00:03:50,261 --> 00:03:52,345
because “I know you are,
but what am I?”
102
00:03:52,347 --> 00:03:55,014
was met with stony silence.
103
00:03:55,016 --> 00:03:56,899
I'll be there
as soon as I can.
104
00:03:56,901 --> 00:03:58,100
Is he okay?
105
00:03:58,102 --> 00:03:59,819
Yeah, he's fine, he's
just a little rattled.
106
00:03:59,821 --> 00:04:00,678
Oh...
107
00:04:00,702 --> 00:04:01,905
Feel like driving
to Arizona with me?
108
00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:03,239
I can't, I have
that job interview.
109
00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:04,607
Oh, right.
Besides,
110
00:04:04,609 --> 00:04:06,158
I don't need six hours of
“Your hair is different.
111
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,443
“Why did you change your hair?
112
00:04:07,445 --> 00:04:09,945
I'm holding my breath
until your hair grows back.”
113
00:04:10,781 --> 00:04:12,498
All right, fine.
114
00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:14,867
Hey, can you
think of a reason
115
00:04:14,869 --> 00:04:16,248
I shouldn't invite
Amy to come with me?
116
00:04:16,273 --> 00:04:17,005
Nope.
117
00:04:17,005 --> 00:04:19,705
Come on, you didn't even try.
118
00:04:20,874 --> 00:04:22,958
Thanks for the lift.
119
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,293
What's wrong
with your car?
120
00:04:24,295 --> 00:04:27,513
I'm having my windows untinted.
121
00:04:27,515 --> 00:04:29,348
Why?
122
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,716
Got a hot girlfriend now.
123
00:04:30,718 --> 00:04:32,601
I want the haters to know.
124
00:04:32,603 --> 00:04:34,020
What are you talking about?
125
00:04:34,022 --> 00:04:35,638
No one's paying
attention to you.
126
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:36,972
Wow.
127
00:04:36,974 --> 00:04:39,558
How's that Hater-Ade
taste, bro?
128
00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:42,478
Hey, this isn't
the way to work.
129
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:45,564
I just want to pop in
and make sure Ma's okay.
130
00:04:45,566 --> 00:04:47,149
I thought Stuart
was looking after her.
131
00:04:47,151 --> 00:04:50,703
He was, but now that her cast
is off, he moved out.
132
00:04:50,705 --> 00:04:52,204
And honestly, I'm kind of glad.
133
00:04:52,206 --> 00:04:53,656
It was getting a little weird.
134
00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:54,874
How so?
135
00:04:54,876 --> 00:04:56,075
I don't know,
they're...
136
00:04:56,077 --> 00:04:58,744
chummy.
137
00:04:58,746 --> 00:05:00,329
Like us?
138
00:05:00,331 --> 00:05:01,831
No, not like us.
139
00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:03,165
Creepy chummy,
140
00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:05,468
like you and your dog.
141
00:05:05,470 --> 00:05:09,055
She feeds him out
of her own mouth?
142
00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:12,258
I mean, he calls
her Debbie,
143
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:14,427
she calls
him Stewie
144
00:05:14,429 --> 00:05:16,145
and they're all giggly
around each other.
145
00:05:16,147 --> 00:05:18,230
And believe me,
when food goes in that mouth,
146
00:05:18,232 --> 00:05:19,932
it does not come out.
147
00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,851
So are you worried
148
00:05:21,853 --> 00:05:24,603
because he's replacing you
as a son
149
00:05:24,605 --> 00:05:27,406
or are you worried because
he's becoming her lover?
150
00:05:27,408 --> 00:05:30,109
First of all, no one can
replace me as a son.
151
00:05:30,111 --> 00:05:31,660
I'm her little matzo ball.
152
00:05:31,662 --> 00:05:33,579
And secondly,
153
00:05:33,581 --> 00:05:35,197
my mother is well past
154
00:05:35,199 --> 00:05:37,783
having any kind of sex life.
155
00:05:37,785 --> 00:05:39,585
Okay, okay.
156
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:43,205
Although many older women
lead vibrant, active...
157
00:05:43,207 --> 00:05:45,124
I said well past it!
158
00:05:47,711 --> 00:05:50,296
Excuse me,
Officer Hernandez?
159
00:05:50,298 --> 00:05:53,349
Any leads on the person
who stole my belongings?
160
00:05:53,351 --> 00:05:54,383
Not yet.
161
00:05:54,385 --> 00:05:55,551
Well, perhaps I can help.
162
00:05:55,553 --> 00:05:57,436
Sherlock Holmes
always says
163
00:05:57,438 --> 00:06:00,556
when you eliminate
the impossible,
164
00:06:00,558 --> 00:06:02,858
whatever remains,
however improbable,
165
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,193
must be the truth.
166
00:06:04,195 --> 00:06:07,446
Now, have-have you
tried doing that?
167
00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:09,315
Nope.
168
00:06:09,317 --> 00:06:12,902
Well, maybe you should.
169
00:06:12,904 --> 00:06:15,738
Th-Th-There's lots of books
called “Sherlock Holmes”
170
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:18,407
and there's no books
called “Officer Hernandez.”
171
00:06:24,698 --> 00:06:26,832
Thanks again
for coming.
172
00:06:26,834 --> 00:06:29,218
Six hours was gonna be
a long drive by myself.
173
00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:30,503
My pleasure.
174
00:06:30,505 --> 00:06:33,172
And I'm not angry at all
that my boyfriend
175
00:06:33,174 --> 00:06:35,341
was in trouble
and called you instead of me.
176
00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:36,559
I love that!
177
00:06:38,311 --> 00:06:42,731
Yeah, time's gonna fly by.
178
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,902
I haven't been on a job
interview in years.
179
00:06:46,904 --> 00:06:47,987
I'm really nervous.
180
00:06:47,989 --> 00:06:49,071
Don't be.
181
00:06:49,073 --> 00:06:50,990
You are built for
pharmaceutical sales.
182
00:06:50,992 --> 00:06:53,776
You're cute,
you're flirty and...
183
00:06:53,778 --> 00:06:56,579
Started that like there
were gonna be three things.
184
00:06:57,697 --> 00:07:00,032
I don't have
any experience in sales.
185
00:07:00,034 --> 00:07:02,952
Unless you count the bikini
car wash I did in high school.
186
00:07:02,954 --> 00:07:05,704
But you already made me
take that off my résumé.
187
00:07:07,457 --> 00:07:09,375
This job is a lot
like being a waitress,
188
00:07:09,377 --> 00:07:10,876
except instead of
pushing the fish tacos
189
00:07:10,878 --> 00:07:12,127
'cause they're
about to go bad,
190
00:07:12,129 --> 00:07:14,213
you're just pushing
our antidepressants
191
00:07:14,215 --> 00:07:16,932
before the FDA finds out they
may cause rectal bleeding.
192
00:07:19,219 --> 00:07:20,202
They do?
193
00:07:20,204 --> 00:07:22,638
Maybe.
194
00:07:23,807 --> 00:07:26,141
But like our lawyers say,
the world is full of things
195
00:07:26,143 --> 00:07:28,644
that can cause a
rectum to bleed.
196
00:07:30,146 --> 00:07:31,363
Anyway, I talked
you up to Dan.
197
00:07:31,365 --> 00:07:32,948
He's the guy who'll
be interviewing you.
198
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:34,316
Oh, I really appreciate this.
199
00:07:34,318 --> 00:07:35,985
I just hope I'm not
in over my head.
200
00:07:35,987 --> 00:07:37,903
You'll be fine.
Just be yourself.
201
00:07:37,905 --> 00:07:39,538
I wish I felt more confident.
Penny,
202
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,156
I wouldn't have put
you up for this job
203
00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:42,324
if I didn't think
you could handle it.
204
00:07:42,326 --> 00:07:44,693
Oh, thank you,
but maybe I should cancel.
205
00:07:44,695 --> 00:07:46,545
It's too late to cancel.
You're going.
206
00:07:46,547 --> 00:07:48,447
But I don't know anything
about pharmaceuticals.
207
00:07:48,449 --> 00:07:49,832
Oh, I understand.
208
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:51,800
You want to do something
you're already good at.
209
00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:53,052
I know.
210
00:07:53,054 --> 00:07:54,720
Why don't I get
you a job at
211
00:07:54,722 --> 00:07:57,640
the Sitting Around All Day
Wearing Yoga Pants Factory?
212
00:08:01,595 --> 00:08:03,812
They're comfortable.
213
00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:09,351
Ma, I hope you're decent.
Raj is here!
214
00:08:09,353 --> 00:08:10,736
You just started seeing
naked women again,
215
00:08:10,738 --> 00:08:12,404
and I don't want you
to be confused
216
00:08:12,406 --> 00:08:13,856
about where the boobs should be.
217
00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:16,575
Oh, hey, guys.
218
00:08:16,577 --> 00:08:18,027
What are you
doing here?
219
00:08:18,029 --> 00:08:20,779
Uh... w-what are you doing here?
220
00:08:20,781 --> 00:08:21,947
I thought you moved out.
221
00:08:21,949 --> 00:08:23,866
Oh, yeah, I was going to,
222
00:08:23,868 --> 00:08:25,868
and then Debbie
and I got to talking
223
00:08:25,870 --> 00:08:27,453
over dinner
the other night.
224
00:08:27,455 --> 00:08:28,704
I didn't have anyplace to go,
225
00:08:28,706 --> 00:08:30,005
she likes having me around,
226
00:08:30,007 --> 00:08:32,758
so we both said, “Why leave?”
at the same time.
227
00:08:33,961 --> 00:08:36,178
It was precious.
228
00:08:37,264 --> 00:08:39,632
It's not that precious.
229
00:08:39,634 --> 00:08:41,050
I'd like to
back you up,
230
00:08:41,052 --> 00:08:43,102
but it sounds like it
was pretty precious.
231
00:08:47,390 --> 00:08:50,559
Stewie, I can't find my glasses!
232
00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:52,311
Be right there, Deb Deb!
233
00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,564
They're probably on her head.
234
00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:58,734
Or in her neck.
Listen.
235
00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:02,788
You staying here
seems like something
236
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:04,907
she would've talked
to me about.
237
00:09:04,909 --> 00:09:07,576
Well, maybe if you called your
mother more often, you'd know.
238
00:09:11,131 --> 00:09:13,716
It wouldn't kill you
to pick up the phone.
239
00:09:29,165 --> 00:09:31,033
Any word on my
stolen items?
240
00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:33,168
We're doing everything we can.
241
00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:35,671
You know, Sherlock Holmes
242
00:09:35,673 --> 00:09:37,906
liked to use cocaine
to sharpen his focus.
243
00:09:40,877 --> 00:09:44,380
But I'm sure those Cool Ranch
Doritos are doing the trick.
244
00:09:45,815 --> 00:09:47,016
Sheldon.
245
00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:48,617
Leonard!
246
00:09:48,619 --> 00:09:50,970
Oh, I'm so happy
to see you.
247
00:09:50,972 --> 00:09:53,088
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm fine.
248
00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:54,957
Why did you come?
249
00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:58,093
What do you mean,
why did I come?
250
00:09:58,095 --> 00:09:59,178
You're my boyfriend.
251
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,879
I haven't seen you
in over a month.
252
00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:02,881
I just drove six hours
to help you out.
253
00:10:02,883 --> 00:10:04,466
Don't you have
anything to say besides,
254
00:10:04,468 --> 00:10:05,684
“Why did you come?”
255
00:10:06,686 --> 00:10:08,437
I do, but...
256
00:10:08,439 --> 00:10:10,139
I feel uncomfortable
saying it out loud
257
00:10:10,141 --> 00:10:11,890
in front of these
police officers.
258
00:10:13,393 --> 00:10:14,393
Fine.
259
00:10:14,395 --> 00:10:15,611
Whisper it.
260
00:10:20,316 --> 00:10:21,533
Shotgun.
261
00:10:34,261 --> 00:10:36,596
So, Sheldon, tell
us about your trip.
262
00:10:36,598 --> 00:10:38,014
Where'd you go?
263
00:10:38,016 --> 00:10:39,515
Where didn't I go?
264
00:10:39,517 --> 00:10:40,600
I went to New York,
265
00:10:40,602 --> 00:10:43,853
Chicago, Atlanta, Denver,
266
00:10:43,855 --> 00:10:45,321
Seattle.
267
00:10:45,323 --> 00:10:46,823
How were they?
268
00:10:46,825 --> 00:10:48,241
Oh, I have no idea.
269
00:10:48,243 --> 00:10:49,909
I never left
the train station.
270
00:10:51,412 --> 00:10:53,780
Hang on. You traveled
across the entire country
271
00:10:53,782 --> 00:10:55,665
and never left a train station?
272
00:10:55,667 --> 00:10:56,916
Why would I?
273
00:10:56,918 --> 00:10:58,868
That's where
all the cool trains are.
274
00:11:00,337 --> 00:11:02,705
I'm sorry, so you
never went outside?
275
00:11:02,707 --> 00:11:05,425
Or had a single
piece of fruit.
276
00:11:08,846 --> 00:11:09,879
So...
277
00:11:09,881 --> 00:11:11,014
why do you think
you'd make
278
00:11:11,016 --> 00:11:14,267
a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
279
00:11:14,269 --> 00:11:16,302
Well, I'm a people person.
Mm-hmm.
280
00:11:16,304 --> 00:11:17,470
People like me.
281
00:11:17,472 --> 00:11:19,689
Some of my favorite people
are people.
282
00:11:20,691 --> 00:11:22,609
I feel like I'm saying
“people” a lot.
283
00:11:22,611 --> 00:11:25,278
People, people, people, PE...
Okay, I'm done.
284
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,729
You sure?
285
00:11:26,731 --> 00:11:27,897
People.
286
00:11:27,899 --> 00:11:29,866
Yes.
287
00:11:29,868 --> 00:11:31,734
Good!
288
00:11:31,736 --> 00:11:32,869
So, how do you feel
289
00:11:32,871 --> 00:11:34,904
your previous job experience
has prepared you
290
00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:36,823
for a career like this?
291
00:11:36,825 --> 00:11:39,959
Uh, well, as a waitress,
sales was a big part of my job.
292
00:11:39,961 --> 00:11:42,495
I mean, believe me, I convinced
a lot of very large customers,
293
00:11:42,497 --> 00:11:44,047
who should not be
eating cheesecake,
294
00:11:44,049 --> 00:11:45,965
to have more cheesecake.
295
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:47,250
I mean,
296
00:11:47,252 --> 00:11:49,385
one of those chubsters
even had an insulin pump!
297
00:11:49,387 --> 00:11:52,088
Uh-huh!
298
00:11:53,173 --> 00:11:56,209
I have an insulin pump.
299
00:11:58,395 --> 00:12:00,596
People.
300
00:12:03,183 --> 00:12:04,651
It's weird, right?
301
00:12:04,653 --> 00:12:08,104
A grown man in his 30s
living with my mother.
302
00:12:08,106 --> 00:12:09,439
That is weird.
303
00:12:09,441 --> 00:12:12,575
I thought he was, like, 45.
304
00:12:12,577 --> 00:12:14,610
Come on, you don't think
it's a little odd?
305
00:12:14,612 --> 00:12:16,746
I don't know!
I mean, she's lonely.
306
00:12:16,748 --> 00:12:18,114
He needs a place to stay.
307
00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:20,083
I doubt there's
any funny business going on.
308
00:12:20,085 --> 00:12:21,334
And even if there was,
309
00:12:21,336 --> 00:12:22,702
who cares?
They're both adults.
310
00:12:22,704 --> 00:12:24,287
“Who cares”?!
You wouldn't care
311
00:12:24,289 --> 00:12:26,255
if I slept with your mom?
312
00:12:26,257 --> 00:12:27,957
You know what?
You're my best friend,
313
00:12:27,959 --> 00:12:29,292
and she's in a bad marriage.
314
00:12:29,294 --> 00:12:31,377
I give you my blessing.
315
00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:33,629
This is stupid.
316
00:12:33,631 --> 00:12:36,966
I'm just gonna call my mother
and be honest with her.
317
00:12:36,968 --> 00:12:39,769
'Cause that's
what little matzo balls do.
318
00:12:43,858 --> 00:12:44,974
This is Debbie!
319
00:12:44,976 --> 00:12:46,309
And this is Stuart!
320
00:12:46,311 --> 00:12:49,979
Just kidding!
321
00:12:49,981 --> 00:12:52,949
Leave a message!
322
00:12:56,286 --> 00:12:59,372
This is the part where you talk.
323
00:13:01,742 --> 00:13:03,826
All right, let's say
a physician was prescribing
324
00:13:03,828 --> 00:13:06,245
one of our competitor's drugs.
325
00:13:06,247 --> 00:13:08,297
How would you convince them
to switch to ours?
326
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,154
Um...
327
00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:16,889
any chance his car needs
328
00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:20,226
to be washed by a girl
in a bikini?
329
00:13:20,878 --> 00:13:23,229
No...
330
00:13:23,231 --> 00:13:25,565
Okay, I'm really sorry
for wasting your time.
331
00:13:25,567 --> 00:13:28,151
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for stopping by.
332
00:13:28,153 --> 00:13:30,353
Okay, thanks.
333
00:13:31,739 --> 00:13:34,657
Um, I'm sor...
Listen, could you do me a favor
334
00:13:34,659 --> 00:13:37,527
and not tell Bernadette
how badly I blew this interview?
335
00:13:37,529 --> 00:13:38,845
She'll get upset.
336
00:13:38,847 --> 00:13:42,615
And honestly I'm a...
a little terrified of her.
337
00:13:42,617 --> 00:13:46,085
Wait, wait.
You're scared of Bernadette?
338
00:13:46,087 --> 00:13:47,703
Yeah, kind of.
339
00:13:47,705 --> 00:13:51,207
I thought it was just me!
340
00:13:53,127 --> 00:13:54,677
E-Everyone thinks she's so nice
341
00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:58,014
with that squeaky little voice.
342
00:13:58,016 --> 00:13:59,899
I know, but she's
kind of a bully!
343
00:13:59,901 --> 00:14:01,968
She is!
344
00:14:01,970 --> 00:14:03,469
I-I didn't even want
to meet you,
345
00:14:03,471 --> 00:14:07,056
but, uh, I was too scared
to say no to her.
346
00:14:07,058 --> 00:14:08,691
Me, too!
347
00:14:08,693 --> 00:14:10,393
Yeah, yeah!
One-one time, I had...
348
00:14:10,395 --> 00:14:12,061
Oh!
I had to tell her
349
00:14:12,063 --> 00:14:13,563
we were cutting
the-the research funding
350
00:14:13,565 --> 00:14:15,314
for one of the drugs
she was developing.
351
00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:16,566
What happened?
352
00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:18,151
I couldn't do it!
353
00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:20,236
She's still working on it!
354
00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:24,707
Oh!
355
00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,576
We're not gonna tell her
about this, right?
356
00:14:26,578 --> 00:14:28,911
Oh, my God, no!
No, no...
357
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,381
At the hot dog stand
in the Denver train station--
358
00:14:32,383 --> 00:14:34,050
Heinz ketchup.
359
00:14:34,052 --> 00:14:35,218
At the hot dog stand
360
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:36,752
in the Salt Lake City
train station--
361
00:14:36,754 --> 00:14:38,171
Heinz ketchup.
362
00:14:38,173 --> 00:14:41,808
At the hot dog stand in the
Indianapolis train station...
363
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:45,728
I don't care.
364
00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:49,265
Wrong! Hunt's!
365
00:14:50,684 --> 00:14:52,101
Hey, Amy!
What do you say?
366
00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:54,320
You ready to move on
to the mustard round?
367
00:14:54,322 --> 00:14:57,190
Have you not noticed that
I've been sitting back here
368
00:14:57,192 --> 00:14:59,692
quietly stewing for
the past two hours?
369
00:15:00,527 --> 00:15:02,995
I just thought
you were bad at the game.
370
00:15:04,248 --> 00:15:05,998
I'm mad at you!
371
00:15:06,867 --> 00:15:08,501
How could you just
go away like that
372
00:15:08,503 --> 00:15:09,702
without even
saying good-bye,
373
00:15:09,704 --> 00:15:12,121
and then call Leonard
for help instead of me?
374
00:15:14,842 --> 00:15:15,958
Amy?
375
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,127
May I please have
a moment of privacy
376
00:15:18,129 --> 00:15:20,263
to speak with my roommate?
377
00:15:20,265 --> 00:15:23,516
We're in a moving car!
378
00:15:25,552 --> 00:15:26,969
What do you expect me to do?
379
00:15:26,971 --> 00:15:29,021
Stick my fingers in my ears?
380
00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:30,690
Well, I was thinking
put your head out the window
381
00:15:30,692 --> 00:15:32,191
like a dog, but that'll work.
382
00:15:33,310 --> 00:15:35,111
Please? This'll be quick.
383
00:15:39,950 --> 00:15:41,567
Leonard?
384
00:15:41,569 --> 00:15:43,035
As soon as we get home,
385
00:15:43,037 --> 00:15:45,404
I want to have coitus with Amy.
386
00:15:52,663 --> 00:15:54,380
Okay, she can't hear.
387
00:15:57,334 --> 00:15:59,335
The reason I called you
388
00:15:59,337 --> 00:16:01,754
is because I didn't want Amy
389
00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:04,390
to know I couldn't make it
on my own.
390
00:16:04,392 --> 00:16:06,425
What's the big deal?
391
00:16:06,427 --> 00:16:08,895
Oh, of course it's
no big deal to you.
392
00:16:08,897 --> 00:16:11,397
You idolize me,
and nothing could ever knock me
393
00:16:11,399 --> 00:16:13,599
off that pedestal you put me on.
394
00:16:13,601 --> 00:16:15,685
Well, yeah, it's true.
395
00:16:15,687 --> 00:16:17,570
You-you are a god to me.
396
00:16:18,772 --> 00:16:20,356
Can I stop now?
397
00:16:20,358 --> 00:16:23,192
Just tell her.
398
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:26,579
I called Leonard because...
399
00:16:26,581 --> 00:16:28,581
I failed.
400
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:31,918
And I didn't want you
to think less of me.
401
00:16:32,753 --> 00:16:34,921
You were worried about that?
402
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,457
Yes.
403
00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:42,878
Sheldon...
404
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:46,382
it's okay with me that
you're not perfect.
405
00:16:50,304 --> 00:16:53,806
Can I have one more moment
with Leonard?
406
00:16:53,808 --> 00:16:56,025
Sure.
407
00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:06,535
Amy just hurt my feelings.
I want to break up with her.
408
00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:12,041
Now, I never thought
I'd say this, but I'm
409
00:17:12,043 --> 00:17:15,244
kind of excited to see Sheldon.
410
00:17:15,246 --> 00:17:18,497
I never thought I'd say this,
but Penny got a job today.
411
00:17:19,383 --> 00:17:20,783
She did?
412
00:17:20,785 --> 00:17:22,251
Well, the only reason she got it
413
00:17:22,253 --> 00:17:25,221
is 'cause the guy
who interviewed her loves me.
414
00:17:31,094 --> 00:17:33,262
What do you want?
415
00:17:33,264 --> 00:17:36,148
I, uh, kind of got the feeling
416
00:17:36,150 --> 00:17:39,101
you might not be okay with me
staying at your mom's.
417
00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:40,353
You're right, I'm not.
418
00:17:40,355 --> 00:17:41,737
I think it's weird.
419
00:17:41,739 --> 00:17:42,772
Howie?
420
00:17:42,774 --> 00:17:44,073
It is. He's a grown man.
421
00:17:44,075 --> 00:17:45,658
He's just gonna
live there rent-free?
422
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:46,942
How is that gonna motivate him
423
00:17:46,944 --> 00:17:49,078
to get off his butt
and get a job?
424
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,031
I mean, do you even have a plan?
425
00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:54,500
Hey, you're not my father, okay?
426
00:17:54,502 --> 00:17:56,619
And besides, your mother
and I were talking...
427
00:17:56,621 --> 00:17:58,788
“Your mother and I”?
You're not my father!
428
00:17:58,790 --> 00:17:59,955
I didn't say I was your father!
429
00:17:59,957 --> 00:18:01,007
Well, I didn't say
430
00:18:01,009 --> 00:18:02,708
I was your father!
Okay, calm down.
431
00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:04,677
You're not his father,
he's not your father!
432
00:18:04,679 --> 00:18:07,546
Nobody's anybody's father.
433
00:18:07,548 --> 00:18:09,265
I-I'm sorry
you don't like my life choices,
434
00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:10,633
but it's my life!
435
00:18:10,635 --> 00:18:12,935
Well, it's my house,
it's my rules!
436
00:18:12,937 --> 00:18:14,970
Oh-oh! Okay, Dad!
437
00:18:14,972 --> 00:18:17,606
If I mow the lawn,
can I have my allowance?
438
00:18:17,608 --> 00:18:19,692
Hey, don't you take that
sarcastic tone with him!
439
00:18:19,694 --> 00:18:21,060
I don't have
to listen to you!
440
00:18:21,062 --> 00:18:22,311
Don't talk to her like that!
441
00:18:22,313 --> 00:18:23,896
That is my mother... Wife!
442
00:18:23,898 --> 00:18:25,815
My wife! I said my wife!
443
00:18:25,817 --> 00:18:27,483
You know what?
444
00:18:27,485 --> 00:18:28,868
This isn't getting us anywhere.
445
00:18:28,870 --> 00:18:31,570
When you're ready to apologize,
you know where to find me.
446
00:18:31,572 --> 00:18:33,823
Well, yeah, in my house!
447
00:18:33,825 --> 00:18:35,991
That's right, sucka!
448
00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:41,547
I wish I'd never
gone on that trip.
449
00:18:41,549 --> 00:18:44,166
I feel no better now
than when I left.
450
00:18:44,168 --> 00:18:45,668
But you still
accomplished something.
451
00:18:45,670 --> 00:18:47,386
Yeah. If you had
told anyone
452
00:18:47,388 --> 00:18:49,555
that you were going away
on a train by yourself
453
00:18:49,557 --> 00:18:52,174
across the country, do you
know what they would have said?
454
00:18:52,176 --> 00:18:54,176
That I couldn't do it?
Exactly.
455
00:18:54,178 --> 00:18:56,896
Right after they said, “Yay!”
456
00:18:58,181 --> 00:18:59,765
But you did do it.
457
00:18:59,767 --> 00:19:01,851
So what if it didn't
all go your way?
458
00:19:01,853 --> 00:19:04,153
That's what makes it
an adventure.
459
00:19:04,155 --> 00:19:06,155
That's a good point.
460
00:19:06,157 --> 00:19:09,775
Yeah, I'm a lot like
Gandalf the Grey.
461
00:19:09,777 --> 00:19:11,994
He fought the Balrog and emerged
462
00:19:11,996 --> 00:19:14,613
stronger than ever
as Gandalf the White.
463
00:19:14,615 --> 00:19:17,199
I was robbed
of my phone and pants,
464
00:19:17,201 --> 00:19:19,535
and I, too,
came back stronger.
465
00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:21,420
And whiter, too,
'cause I wasn't
466
00:19:21,422 --> 00:19:24,290
in direct sunlight
for six weeks.
467
00:19:24,292 --> 00:19:27,543
See? This trip
was good for you.
468
00:19:27,545 --> 00:19:29,095
Indeed.
469
00:19:29,097 --> 00:19:32,381
I was the world's
smartest caterpillar.
470
00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:36,218
And then after pupating
in our nation's railway system,
471
00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:37,720
I've burst forth
472
00:19:37,722 --> 00:19:40,940
as the world's
smartest butterfly.
473
00:19:41,892 --> 00:19:43,058
Butterfly could've
gotten himself
474
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:45,611
home from Arizona.
475
00:19:47,030 --> 00:19:48,564
Yeah, I feel renewed.
476
00:19:48,566 --> 00:19:49,566
I'm ready
477
00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:50,699
to deal with any changes
478
00:19:50,701 --> 00:19:52,067
that come my way.
479
00:19:52,552 --> 00:19:54,403
Hey!
Hey!
480
00:19:54,405 --> 00:19:55,905
Look who's back!
481
00:19:55,907 --> 00:19:57,490
Your hair is different.
You changed your hair.
482
00:19:57,492 --> 00:19:59,975
I can't take this.
I'm out.
483
00:20:07,849 --> 00:20:09,900
Would you like to see pictures
from my trip?
484
00:20:09,902 --> 00:20:11,434
I thought your
phone got stolen.
485
00:20:11,436 --> 00:20:13,320
Yeah, it did,
but luckily all my photos
486
00:20:13,322 --> 00:20:15,422
got backed up to the Cloud.
487
00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:18,692
And you thought they
all had a silver lining.
488
00:20:18,694 --> 00:20:20,110
Here-- day one.
489
00:20:20,112 --> 00:20:21,461
Uh, this was the seat
490
00:20:21,463 --> 00:20:23,280
I was going to sit in but didn't
491
00:20:23,282 --> 00:20:26,032
because there were
cracker crumbs on it.
492
00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:29,386
As it was first class,
I suspect Ritz.
493
00:20:30,721 --> 00:20:33,907
This is the train bathroom.
494
00:20:33,909 --> 00:20:35,575
This is the Imodium I took
495
00:20:35,577 --> 00:20:38,311
so I would never have
to use the train bathroom.
496
00:20:38,313 --> 00:20:40,030
I cannot believe
497
00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:41,464
you traveled the
entire country
498
00:20:41,466 --> 00:20:42,933
and never left
the train station.
499
00:20:42,935 --> 00:20:44,885
I know.
You know, I almost died
500
00:20:44,887 --> 00:20:47,971
in a fire in Des Moines,
but I stayed put.
501
00:20:47,973 --> 00:20:49,639
FYI--
502
00:20:49,641 --> 00:20:51,408
that's when
the Imodium gave out.
503
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:57,410
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man